#i am also dying to know what chemicals he was using

[quaranmine]

in further context to the last post, re: very real emergency, today was the first time i ever had to call 911 for another person 🙃 basically to make a long story short(ish) my dad called my mom while at work super incoherent, we ended up calling 911, we were afraid it was any number of serious issues like a stroke or something, but what actually happened was that he inhaled too many fumes from the chemicals he was working with. so the EMTs declared him to be okay after he had like 20-30 minutes in fresh air. when he got home he told us that he didn't remember anything from 10 am - 4 pm, barely remembered calling my mom, didn't remember anything he said on the phone, and that the reason he called my mom was cause he basically passed out on the floor, woke up on the floor, and didn't know how he got there (he did not say that or share anything useful on the phone though lmao so we were pretty horrified to realize the situation was even worse than we'd assumed)

anyway he's fine now, just embarassed so much attention is being paid to him, and i have experienced Anxiety today

[deadsetobsessions]

“I ate paint once,” Danny nonchalantly threw out in the middle of game night.

The entire table stopped. Heads whipped towards Danny.

“Yeah, me too. Cardamom yellow was my favorite. Ugly as hell but the chemicals just tasted right.” Tim replied, using the distraction to nab some of Bruce’s money. Monopoly money, that is. Everyone’s heads snapped towards Tim, only Cass and Danny (who was part of the scheme) caught him cheating.

“Really? I think mine was those spray can blue cosmos paint. But that might have been more my thing for space than the actual taste.”

“WHY WERE YOU EATING PAINT?!” Dick asked, looking like he wanted to lunge over the table and shake Danny until he puked out paint. Bruce looked like he was about to have a heart attack.

“Yeah, what the fuck, Tim?” Jason snickered.

“In my defense,” Danny grinned. “I was left unsupervised. Also, Steph, you owe me $24 in rent.”

“Ugh! I’m almost out of money! Can’t you loan me some, Alfred?”

“I am sorry, Miss Stephanie, you are not qualified for another loan. In fact, one of your properties is about to be confiscated as per the collateral agreement.”

“Noooo!” Stephanie made dramatic dying noises.

“What was your excuse, Timothy?” Damian asked, eyes glued to the board and determined to win the game.

“Hey, I was probably less supervised than Danny was.”

“Yeah,” Danny perked up. “My parents brought us down to their lab all of the time. Taught us a lot of stuff.”

“Really? Like what?” Duke asked, casually slapping away Tim’s sneaky hands.

“Oh, like what a rocket launcher sounded like up close! And how to build a laser gun! Oh! And what human organs looked like when they’re fresh!” Danny chirped, collecting his money from a stunned Stephanie’s hands. He looked up.

“Oh, don’t worry! I at least learned what not to do when it comes to lab safety. And we wore hazmat suits to protect ourselves from the radiation.” Danny smiled in a ditzy fashion as the table fell silent in a horrified manner. Cass tapped his arm amusedly, but allowed his bullshit to stand. After all, it’s not like he lied.

“Radiation?” Duck’s voice raised a couple of octaves. Oh yeah, Danny’s going to laugh about that pitch for a long while.

“Organs?!” Jason’s hands closed around the plastic house he was holding rather forcefully.

“Do you even know what basic lab safety practices are, Danny?” Damian demanded, finally looking up with brows furrowed. He rolled the dice and grabbed a mystery card. He gets $100 from Alfred.

“How old were you??” Duke asked.

“Like… 8, when they first brought me in?”

“Eight.” Bruce rumbled, slipping into a more Batman like persona. When Danny sent him a confused look, Bruce straightened back into his Bruce persona. “Wow, they must have trusted you a lot!”

“Sure?”

“What were their names again?” Stephanie asked sweetly, Cass nodding at him.

“Jack and Maddie Fenton.” Not that they’ll find them here, considering his parents are dead and in another universe.

“Cool, cool, cool!” Stephanie blinked, beaming as her hands formed lethal fists underneath the table.

Danny blinked and tilted his head in an unassuming way, pretending like he had no idea what Stephanie was thinking of. He sneakily handed over $600 to Cass in order to complete his monopoly on his side of the board.

Danny stood up and spread his hands out, one hand clutching his new found victory.

"Well, lady and gents, you've all been floundering against the inevitable tide of capitalism. I am here, as a reminder that you can never win against the hopelessness that will be your financial ruin! I, Danny Fenton, have obtained a quarter of the board and therefore have won against even your best efforts!" He cackled, holding up his fan of properties triumphantly. He shot a mischievous grin at Cass, who held up a solemn thumbs up in support for his monetary takeover.

"... Danny, are you... planning on a career in villainy?" Bruce asked, after a brief and total wave of shocked silence. Damian looked like he was having a conniption at having been bested, unknowingly. Yeah, Danny was disarming like that.

"Yeah, that was concerning." Tim piped up, nabbing a ten from a shell-shocked Damian.

"Hey! The Riddler gives surprisingly good monologues! And he's really loud, so it's hard not to pick up on things. Duke, your turn." Danny sat back down, pouting. The villainy comment was a little too close to his fears.

"Damn it." Duke, who had rolled, landed smack middle of Danny's territory. He handed over a sheaf of bills to a grinning Danny.

"Wait a minute! You have cheated!" Damian bolted upwards from his seat, finally done running through the purchases he remembered Danny making. "You acquired that property not within the games' rules!"

"Okay, first of all, the rule book is a suggestion, like lab safety rules," Danny saw the others open their mouths to protest, but he quickly shut it down. "Second, there's totally no rules about selling and buying places from a private owner so suck on it. And thirdly? Cass sold it to me, so you all can take it up with her."

"Diabolical!" Damian muttered indignantly.

"... Dammit." Dick sighed, falling back into the chair and balancing on its two legs. He couldn't say anything, considering his current of bankruptcy.

"Danny. Danny, I'll buy a property from you." Jason said, eyeing one of Danny's other properties near his own cluster.

"What do you have that would interest me?" Danny asked, falling back into his Vlad-like imitation.

"Ew, don't do that," Steph reached over to jab him in the arm.

"Yeah, Jason, what do you have?" Duke said, the lovely subtle instigator that he is.

"Red Hood's signature."

The others blue-screen, gaping at the actual audacity Jason had to offer up something that would take him no effort. Danny, prepared with a poker face that came with lying straight to Jazz's ever perceptive eyes about whether he nabbed the last of her ice cream or not, was prepared.

"Red Hood? The condom guy working out of the... um. Upper East Side?" Danny asked, pretending to hesitate. He knows where Jason operated. That doesn't mean he couldn't simply pretend otherwise. For science, of course.

...

...

...

The table howled with laughter, Jason's indignant spluttering unable to say anything against Danny's wide eyed look of innocence. Cass leaned against the table, chuckles falling out of her mouth and eyes crinkled in mirth. Dick had fallen out of his chair, helplessly wheezing on the floor. Duke is hiding his face in his hands, mirroring Bruce's pose as they both shake from silent laughter. Damian is smirking, wicked and sharp as he smugly stared at Jason. Stephanie and Tim are leaning against each other, repeating "the CONDOM GUY" in alternating and increasingly louder voices. Alfred had a smile on his face and a tight grip on the bills in front of him that betrayed his amusement.

"He's a crime lord!" Jason exclaimed, indignant.

"Uh, okay. Well, I mean, why would I want a crime lord's signature? I don't want to be on his radar. Or echolocation or whatever. He's... a Bat, right? That's what you guys call that group, yeah?"

"How do you know the Rogues better than the vigilantes?!" Jason glared at his unhelpful family. Those assholes better prepare for a load of rubber bullets the next time they're on patrol near Crime Alley.

"Hey, it's not my fault the vigilantes here are unsociable. Maybe if they monologued more, I'd know who they are."

"Wouldn't- wouldn't that make them more villain like?" Tim asked, stuttering from his laughter.

"I dunno?" Danny replied, enjoying his the family's unabashed joy. "I mean, they're pretty legit and they help people already so I guess they don't need to be sociable... but still I swear I haven't heard anything about Batman other than that he grunts and is mean towards criminals."

Is mean towards criminals, Duke mouthed at a recovering Dick who was in the process of heaving himself back up. It sent him careening back down to the floor with restrained giggles. Cass tapped Danny, reminding him to eat some food.

"Tt. Of course not. They're efficient at their jobs and have no need to be seen as welcoming to criminals." Damian puffed up.

"Yeah, but they've gotta feel safe, right?" Danny shrugged as he plucked a cookie from the cookie platter. "The... one with the sword, what was it?"

"Robin." Damian supplied, eyes narrowed and trained on him.

"Yeah, the baby bird. The kids think his swords are cool so they trust him. But like, the others? The flippy blue one? Not so much."

"Wait," Dick said from the floor. "They don't trust Nightwing?"

"Nah, they trust him to protect them, but he has a history of bringing the kids to the police, you know?"

"What's wrong with that?"

Danny shrugged. "ACAB. But also because everybody knows that half the guys in the GCPD and CPS are child traffickers."

"Wait, what?" Jason and Tim straightened.

Bruce piped in, the emotional whiplash of amusement to concern to amusement to concern visibly making itself known on the man's baffled face. "I thought Batman and Commissioner Gordon took care of that?"

"Sure, the obvious ones." Danny hesitated. Well, he's pretty sure they think he's a meta so... "There's... a meta trafficking ring that they're a part of. That's. That's kind of what I was running from."

Danny looked up pleadingly. Cass placed a hand on his arm in comfort, not knowing that he was fibbing about running from them.

Danny was on the streets helping his own Alley metas to run from them.

Danny is as feral as she was, and that meant he could hide just as much as she could read off of him. Cass was the best and he felt kind of bad about lying to her, successfully or not.

"Uh. Some people said you know Batman, Bruce. I know- uh, that might not be the case but if you do, could you ask him to look into it?" Danny made his eyes tear up. "And maybe he wouldn't care about me much, I mean, I know he doesn't really like metas but if he helps out, I could totally like, leave the city once the kids are safe, promise."

Ooh, Danny put a little too much sincerity into that. He could practically hear the hearts breaking in the game room as everyone glared at Bruce.

"You won't have to leave."

"... Promise?" And Danny's voice was a little too desperate, too hopeful, because Bruce's eyes tugged down in sadness.

"Promise." He rumbled, all Bruce Wayne and all Batman. Danny's core warmed. Danny also saw the rest of the family's faces darken in pure agreement. And partial wrath.

"Yeah! We'll kick Batman's ass if he even thought about kicking you out!" Stephanie proclaimed.

"He's far more proficient in combat than you are, Brown." Damian immediately leapt to Batman's defense and that was that.

Well, later, as Danny was "sleeping" and Phantom was hovering in the cave, invisible and intangible, he got confirmation that his Alley meta kids were going to be safe, soon.

After all, the entire Batclan was suiting up and baying for blood, with Oracle's all encompassing presence behind them, fingers reaching for their enemies' weak points.

[gaywineauntsstuff]

Listen the ‘Bruce brought dick in to stop him killing Zucco” is fun

You know what’s more fun

The fact that Dick Grayson is the fundamental opposite of Jokers one bad day

Because he was 9 and insane

Jokers “all it takes is one bad day” meet Dick Grayson also terminally insane but in the opposite direction.

(“I had a bad day not a fan, it’s illegal now”

“Chum murder is already illegal”

“Yeah in the eyes of the law, but who follows that! I’ve decided it’s illegal for people to have bad days”

“You have to follow laws Dick. You have to”

“Says the man getting shot at by the cops bc he dresses as a giant bat monster and fights crime using ancient martial arts”

“Hnnng”

“Anyway it’s illegal now, people suffering I have decided and I’m adorable so what I say goes!”

Bruce pinching bridge of nose “Dick you can’t save everyone and change every person you meets life”

“How about! No!”

“Di-“

“Great talk Bruce! Bye bye now!”)

Like when I say Dick Grayson was the crazy Robin I don’t mean he was aggressive or cruel

No I mean this man would not be out of place in Lewis Carol’s Alice in wonderland.

He’d see all the insane shit in Gotham and go ‘that makes perfect sense’ and continue on his merry way

Like he’s the type of kid who when he’s mad at Bruce for sidelining him on a fight against the joker (and making him fight Harley)

Will pull out a chessboard, grab Harley Quinn and go “I win, you get arkhamed you win we fight”

“Kid-“

“I have a gymnastics competition coming up and I wanna show up this douche in my class- you are not breaking my legs before then. Sit down. Play chess”

“Shit kid why didncha say so”

Why does he wanna fight the Joker who will objectively injure him far more throughly

“Well it’s simple math, I grew up in a circus, I like clowns, he is the biggest disgrace to clownery I’ve ever seen bet he didn’t even go to clown college. Doesn’t even have any iconic makeup, he just has toxic waste skin?? Like not even eye makeup or a red nose?? If you wanna do thematic crime do it right? Anyway it’s my legal obligation to try at any given moment to reck the embarrassment to all things goofy and funs shit.”

—————

Bruce looking for his 9 year old ward who was kidnapped as Robin

Dick hanging upside down on semi sentient vine gesturing wildly at poison Ivy who is nodding empathically

“And the water here is not normal!! Like how do you grow plants! I used to have to take care of plants all the time and now if I water them they rot! Like right in front of me!!? And I feel so bad but?? It’s water?? Please drink it?? Mr plant”

“Oh yeah it’s because of all the toxic ace chemicals in the water, you have to triple filter it. Honestly Robin I’m disappointed, your plants should be drinking the same water as you”

“ they do tho!”

“You…drink… Gotham tap water? Batman lets you drink Gotham tap water?”

“Well no… he always tells me to use the filter but I like the tap water!! Sometimes it’s fun colors and spicy”

“oh… oh that explains so much about you..”

“No he just came like that.”

“Oh HI B I was asking miss Dr.ivy why my plants keep dying”

“Robin don’t consort with villains”

“Miss Dr. Ivy you’re a doctor right”

Poison Ivy who is violently amused “PHD not MD but yeah I am”

“So you’re smart”

“Yeasss”

“Cool!…. What does consort mean?”

————-

Annoys the riddler by going with the most out of pocket technically true answer

Think “a sparrow with a shotgun”

———-

Makes the Jokers goons laugh, louder than the joker. Even while under threats of death by sufficiently wacky murder plot

———-

[earlycuntsets]

"DEATH COMES RIPPING" - SPOOKY ISSUE

'THE BLACK PARADE, THE TRIUMPHANT NEW ALBUM BY MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE MAY HAVE A TRAGIC STORYLINE, BUT IT'S NOTHING COMPARED WITH WHAT THE BANDMATES ENDURED TO BRING THE DISC TO LIGHT

PHOTOS BY JON WIEDERHORN PHOTOS BY JUSTIN BORUCKI

STANDING ON A BALCONY nine floors above the teeming streets of New York, Gerard Way overlooks the city in which My Chemical Romance began assembling their ambitious new album, The Black Parade. The newly peroxide- blond frontman takes a deep drag from a cigarette and exhales with a sigh. He knows he shouldn't smoke, but it's his only remaining vice.

"If I hadn't been sober, I think The Black Parade surely would have killed me," says Gerard, who climbed on the wagon in 2004. "We were going insane the whole time, and I had to cling to my sobriety to stay even a little lucid. The album became like this beast that was consuming us."

Following up a release as successful as 2004's Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge, which sold 1.4 million copies in the U.S. alone, is never an easy task. And the various scares the band experienced as they worked on the new record-drummer Bob Bryar had a near-fatal staph infection, Gerard seriously injured his foot, and some restless spirits at the studio where they recorded kept them all on edge-did not help matters. And neither

did MCR's decision to make The Black Parade (Reprise) a concept disc. Together, Gerard and his bandmates-Bryar, guitarists Frank lero and Ray Toro, and bassist Mikey Way (Gerard's younger brother)-decided to craft a record about a dying young man who is visited by a cast of strange characters that help him examine his short life.

But diving into the conceptual deep end proved well worth the hassle. The Black Parade is not only MCR's most realized offering; it's also one of the most eclectic, enjoyable rock records of the year. One listen to tracks

like "House of Wolves," "The Sharpest Lives," and "Dead!" makes it clear that My Chemical Romance can still rip a good metallic punk tune. But the bandmates are now equally influenced by epic albums like Pink Floyd's The Wall, David Bowie's The Rise & Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars, and Queen's A Night at the Opera.

"A lot of bands from the scene we came from try to strip down their music to 'keep it real," Gerard notes. "But the real you is what you've always had inside you and what you strive to be. So when we started compiling the material we had written, we were like, You know what? This has to be a huge, theatrical record."

MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE started working on ideas for The Black Parade in the back of the bus while on 2005's Warped Tour, after which they flew to New York and rented a rehearsal space for two months. And that's when things started to get weird.

"I was living in Queens, and I had to commute on the subway every day," Gerard says. "I was suddenly very scared and paranoid. I felt more like an outsider than I ever had, and I had no confidence, which is bad when you're trying to work on a record. And I had no anonymity because there were a lot of teenagers on the train." In reaction to the young fans he encountered on the underground,

Gerard wrote "Teenagers," a T. Rex-style romp with the chorus line, "Teenagers scare the living shit out of me." "The song came directly from commuting when school let out and being so terrified of them," the singer says. "I was like, Wait a minute. These are the same people that listen to our band. Why am I scared? And I realized it was because they're scared, too. Teenagers are made to feel like they can only solve their problems with violence. They lash out at each other in a really volatile way." After several months experiencing the joys of mass transit, MCR had completed only a handful of songs and felt like a change of scenery (and climate) might do them some good. "I couldn't keep working in New York," says Gerard. "We wanted isolation."

id: Gerard leads the way to what will likely be the band's second platinum record

So the group relocated to Paramour Mansion, outside of L.A. Nestled high in the hills, the deluxe estate overlooks the trendy Silver Lake area and boasts spacious rooms, a gorgeous pool, lush gardens, a state-of-the-art recording facility-and a few special guests.

"The place is definitely haunted," Gerard says. "Doors would slam, and the faucets would turn on. You'd get a bath drawn for you of freezing-cold water in your room, and you wouldn't know why." As unnerving as its mischievous spirits could be, the Paramour was also inspiring, and contributed to the haunting vibe of songs like "The End" and "This Is How I Disappear." More important, it led Gerard to come up with the bleak, surreal concept for the record. "I would have these night terrors, where it would feel like someone was choking me, and my heart would stop and I would stop breathing," he says. "I would wake up in the middle of the night and write these notes to myself, and one of them read, 'We are all just a black parade.' So I started thinking about how this band is kind of a black parade, like a funeral-procession rock thing. And I used that idea to piece together this story about the idea that when you die, death comes for you however you want." Gerard molded his concept into a narrative about a character he dubbed the Patient, whose strongest memory from childhood is of his father taking him to the city to see a parade. Two songs into the album, he dies, and the black parade comes for him.

"During the rest of the story, he meets this entity of death and all these characters, like Mama, who represents anyone who's ever lost their son in a war," Gerard explains. "It's almost like these Canterbury Tales, where he goes along on this journey, and at the end he decides whether he wants to live or die." With the concept in place, My Chem made the songs as sweeping and theatrical as Gerard's lyrics. They accomplished this, in part, by combing through their own eclectic record collections and pulling choice elements that would set them even further apart from other melodic punk bands.

The first two minutes of "Welcome to the Black Parade" stemmed from Gerard's love for Broadway musicals, the horns in "Dead!" came from Mikey's interest in Blur and Britpop, and the jaunty feel of "Mama" was informed by Tom Waits and Nick Cave. But the most poignant moment on the record, "Cancer," was (unlike its morbid moniker) something of a pleasant surprise. "I was very upset about something in my personal life, and that's when that song came out," Gerard says. "It was really spontaneous, and it was recorded pretty much live with Rob [Cavallo, the record's producer] on the piano and me in the vocal booth. Then we added layers of drums, which gave it a certain urgency. It's the song I'm most proud of because it was the most pure emotion we've ever captured, and it gets such an immediate response. You can't shake what the song is about."

As the CD approached completion, some members of the band began to show signs of nervous exhaustion. The group was scheduled to fly to England to play the Reading Festival, and as the date grew near, Toro, who has a fear of flying, got noticeably agitated. Then, after the band tracked "Welcome to the Black Parade," which was originally called "The Five of Us Are Dying," the guitarist lost it.

"I thought I had this premonition," Toro explains. "I was flipping through the TV channels, and on the news. there would be something about a plane crash, and every time I woke up in the morning, the clock would say 9:11. I was playing Tomb Raider the night before the flight, and on the level I ended up at, there was this whole flashback to a plane crash. So right before the flight I was like, 'That's it. I'm not flying."

Despite his misgivings, Toro boarded the plane, and when My Chemical Romance returned to L.A. (all of them still very much alive, thank you very much), The Black Parade was completed without further incident. Listening back to the record, the band members were in awe of what they had achieved and eager to share it with their fans. "There was a real confidence that came to us," Gerard explains. "Having survived it, we felt like we were changed forever. I feel different as a performer now, and I think we really finally discovered who we were as a band." But just because MCR were done with the record didn't mean that it was done with them. About a month later, the band was shooting a video for "Famous Last Words" with director Samuel Bayer (Garbage, Smashing Pumpkins) on a set featuring walls of flame, when-seized by the moment-lero grabbed Gerard's throat from behind and wrestled him to the ground. The singer rolled one way; his foot went the other. "It bent completely backwards, and I heard a crack and felt this agonizing pain," Gerard recalls. "I tore all the ligaments in my foot, but I got up and continued to perform." "I didn't know what I was doing," says lero, shaking his head. "I wasn't trying to hurt him. I felt awful. I still do." Gerard's injury was serious, and he still walks with a cane, but it paled in comparison to what happened to Bryar. At the end of the shoot, the pyro was so intense, the drummer could feel his leg burning, but he stuck it out for the rest of the song. By then, he had a nasty third-degree burn. And the misfortune didn't stop there. Bryar didn't take his antibiotics regularly, and he failed to keep the wound clean. By the time the band got back from a brief tour of Japan, the burn was severely infected. Then Bryar's face swelled up and, after doing the MTV Video Music Awards preshow telecast and a special club show, stumbled into a hospital emergency room in intense pain. "I thought I'd be there for 10 minutes, but as soon as they saw me, they got all serious and gave me an IV and said they had to do a CAT scan," recalls Bryar."They did all these blood tests and kept me there for 14 hours." Doctors discovered that Bryar's leg infection had spread to his blood and caused an abscess in his face that was creeping dangerously close to his brain. If it had been left untreated for another two days, he could have died. "The whole thing was such a nightmare," Bryar says. "This doctor stuck my cheek with a needle about six inches long and the width of an IV tube. Then he went in and out of the inside of my mouth with the needle about 10 times. Fortunately, the treatment worked, and Bryar left the hospital three days later. With tragedy averted, My Chem are now focusing on touring for The Black Parade. They'll be in Europe for most of November, and when they get back at the end of year, they'll start rehearsing for a U.S. arena tour that starts in February. "We want to put on a full show with props and staging like The Wall," Gerard says. And MCR plan to keep the Patient alive long after they're done touring for the CD. "I would love to see the story turned into a play or a musical, and it could easily be a movie," enthuses Gerard. "Making this record, we cut ourselves open every day, pulled out every organ, and lay them on a table so it would be something we're completely happy with. We want The Black Parade to exist for a long time." "The whole hole thing nightmare. This doctor stuck my cheek with a needle about six inches long and the width of an IV tube." -BOB BRYAR

"I felt more like an outsider than I ever had, and I had no confidence, which is bad when you're trying work on a record."

-GERARD WAY

12/2006 revolver - mcrhollywood on flickr

[witchinatree]

i have posted a LOT about the issues i had with season 4 of TUA but i'm going to say everything i've been thinking right here right now. i cannot get this shit out of my head.

i think a lot of it ties back to the flaws i noticed in season 3, they tried to take on too much and abandoned the previous storylines that were waiting for them (viktor's traumatic relationship with leonard, five's trauma in general, lila's parents dying because of five, DAVE, etc etc) and we were all expecting them to tie it all together in season 4

instead they just.. added more..???? jennifer and abigail were thrown in late season 3 and were just suddenly supposed to be super important to us (they were not.) the subway that takes you to other timelines (objectively cool as fuck, why is this only introduced in the last season of The Timeline Show)

and i'm still really upset that reginald is an alien because it makes no fucking sense. i always assumed he created the mystery 43 babies (why else would he seek them out and already have a plan for them) but the alien route was.. ill-fitting. i think it would've worked better if he fell in love with abigail, who was an alien and created marigold, and then his hubris and curiosity was what unleashed it into the world and doomed the timeline. "sure this mystery chemical destroyed the planet my wife is from but i'm reginald hargreeves so that won't happen to me!" [happens to him] also i wish abigail was not just used as "see! abuser not so bad! abuser have wife! he love wife :]" because. what. and then her weird complaints about reginald in episode 6 that came out of nowhere confused me. they just should've written her entirely different if they were gonna have her at all

AAALSO i hated that they regressed all of the characters back to how they were in season 1 (or worse??). luther was living in the old umbrella academy building because apparently he will never leave it?? after everything?? diego's life was different but he was still doing this weird job shit (discount batman and mail carrier are the same thing) and he was miserable with his loving wife and kids (who ARE you.). allison's husband left her again (what the hell raymond) and she was still the neglectful single mother of claire?? after EVERYTHING I KNOW I ALREADY SAID THAT BUT GOD. klaus actually had something going for him, if only his recovery wasn't made into a joke, and then he relapsed and got kidnapped and was just very.. season 1 klaus.. but with no ghost ben anymore. five.. eugh. he was not season 1 five he was just NotFive. crazy how they had a magnus archives crossover and just brought in NotThem to take five am i right guys. ben's also different because it's not the same ben from season 1 but they just made him really fucking mean. like worse than season 3 because there wasn't that underlying "please i just want to be loved" thing. crypto bro ben was funny as fuck though. and VIKTOR just fucked off by himself after working so hard to be part of the family again. glad he got to transition and become canada's #1 manslut but jesus, just abandoned everything you did to be part of the family huh.

my vision for the ending of TUA would go something like this

ending of season 3, pretty much the same but they all have their powers and reginald's head getting sliced in half did not reveal him to be some alien freak. also at some point abigail would have been introduced. i don't feel like rewriting season 3 too okay i'm cutting corners.

luther finds sloane when he goes back to where the umbrella academy building used to be, but it's now a very lovely apartment that the two of them live in together. they host all of the family gatherings for sentimental and space reasons. i think luther would explore the stripper idea but decide not to follow it because of sloane. sloane would be fine with it but luther would still get worried.

diego and lila live in the same house somewhat nearby. lila's family (they do get to be alive but lila does have to overcome the trauma of losing them while simultaneously getting them back) are their neighbors, it was the compromise they came to because diego wanted their house to be their space but lila wanted her family close. they have three kids who are each loved and names get to be in the fucking show. (looking at you mystery twin. grace and coco (?) didn't really get much attention either). they have a big backyard that the kids all play in together when they're visiting

allison and ray are still together and they have claire (maybe another kid...) they also live somewhat nearby the rest of the umbrella family because i refuse to let them separate. i don't have much to say about them other than RAY DID NOT WALK OUT ON HER.

klaus and dave live in allison and ray's neighborhood. maybe they adopted a kid? maybe they didn't? i think their family would be really cute either way. klaus is still overcoming his addiction and dave supports him through it. it's not made into a joke and actually gives klaus a lot of depth and emotional moments. also just in general dave meeting the rest of the family would be really really sweet

five gets to retire. he lives with viktor in my mind. full circle on viktor being the person who always waited for him and offered him a place to stay after he got home in season 1. five would not actually be getting a retirement pay because he has never had a real job so he's just vik's roommate now. he could have a romance plotline with a woman working at the department store down the street named delores. she looks familiar.

ben lives alone and works at a tech company? honestly i don't know what i would do with him in the pre-plot but it would not be put him in jail?? me personally. i think he would probably move further away than everyone else but stay close enough so he could visit sloane sometimes. he still feels like an outsider but doesn't know how to tell the umbrellas he wants to be their brother now

and viktor lives with sissy harlan and five (previously mentioned). his transition gets to actually be explored (PLEASE.), harlan is in therapy, and sissy is a strong working woman!! again i don't really know what to do with him pre-plot. just know he's the happiest he's ever been!!!

and just in general, a lot of this happiness from all of them comes from their powers and that they can finally be one big happy family together (whether ben likes it or not). setting up the inherent tragedy that comes with perfection

episode 1 opens by showing everything i just explained, the tragedy of getting everything you want or whatever the title was. their powers are still integral to their lives. they're either tied to their careers (luther would probably be like a wrestler or something again, diego could try police work again because i want that to be explored) or other aspects of their existence (allison still finds herself doubting how much of her life is real, klaus' relapses are always caused by his trauma surrounding ghosts, five sometimes space jumps when he wants to be alone [also i think he could feel some sort of shame/guilt because he lives with viktor and can't really contribute much without the commission. not really his fault though because of his insanely fucked timeline], ben uses the squid to carry things or grab things that are far away, and viktor plays the violin to help him remind himself that he is in control of his power now, and he won't end the world again)

the main conflict starts when ben meets a new woman named jennifer and shakes her hand when introducing himself (starting the marigold/durango reaction that builds very slowly throughout the season.) it could be romantic but i think it's just devestating. they're slowly realizing they're losing everything they worked so hard for because of something they can't control

yadda yadda yadda figuring shit out while also having conflicts in their life from the earlier seasons and it culminates in the old umbrella academy building, viktor is the only person who can remove the durango and marigold from ben and jennifer and save the world. he finally gets to be the hero, be the one to stop the end of the world instead of cause it, but he needs to take the marigold from each of the siblings in order to balance the amount of durango jennifer had (no idk why he would let the other like 30 something marigold kids keep theirs i really don't know how to fix that. why would they do this to me)

each of the siblings have to give up part of their lives, part of their identities, and it's hard for them!!! they struggle a lot to agree to do it!!! and it's also harder for them because they don't know if viktor will survive doing this. but he's the only one who can? is his life more important than the existence of everything and everyone? ultimately, they all give up their marigold, and viktor takes all of it and the durango to save everyone. it cancels itself out and stops the cleanse reaction, and i think it would kill viktor (but it doesn't have to). we see that same clip of the 'perfect world' but they get to be in it. they were never the problem. lila and diego play in the park with their kids. allison ray and claire are walking together. klaus and dave are talking on a bench. luther and sloane are carrying a large basket of food. ben and five are helping them set up the picnic. harlan is sitting in the grass with sissy next to him. each of the adults have a small violin tattoo on their wrists. their lives will never be as perfect as they were before, but they can finally just rest and move on. because it was never their fault.

also reginald dies. fuck that guy

[aishangotome]

Roger Barel: Chapter 8

Chapter 7

♡———♡

Crown's undercover mission took Roger and me to a rural village.

The true identity of the Spirit God, who held absolute power in the village, was about to be exposed.

Roger: Didn't your mama teach you in the womb to listen to people until the end?

Roger: It's true that the tetanus cure isn't available to the public. But if it doesn't exist, we can just make it.

Spirit God: That's impossible...

Roger: It's possible for me, a former doctor.

Spirit God: A doctor...? You're lying! You're just trying to take my place...!

Roger: ...Shut up.

Roger sharply rebuked the ranting voice.

Spirit God: ...!

Roger: While you're yelling, this little girl... will die, you know?

His angry gaze sent chills down my spine.

(Such intense killing intent...)

(...Oh, right. Roger is angry.)

(I've never seen Roger show his emotions so openly before...)

Child's Mother: ...Please...

Child's Mother: Please, save my child...!

Her strained voice trembled in the air.

Holding her dying daughter, the mother's eyes looked pleadingly at Roger.

---The man called the Spirit God was tied up with rope, and the villagers were to keep watch over him.

We were given a room and started working on refining the tetanus cure.

-

Liam: Roger, I brought the medicines you asked for from the warehouse!

Roger: Perfect, thanks. We need to relieve that little girl's suffering quickly. Let's hurry.

Kate: Yes!

Roger took off his jacket and started looking through the collected medicines.

(There's not much I can do, but I want to be of some help.)

Kate: I'll disinfect these test tubes. Carbolic acid can be used for disinfection, right?

Roger: ............

(Huh? Did I make a mistake in how to use carbolic acid...?)

Kate: Um... Roger?

Roger: I thought you were doing something at night, but you were studying medicine too?

His large hand ruffled my hair.

Kate: ...!

His touch was like when he petted Ale, Roger's dog.

But even so... I felt my heart beat a little faster.

Roger: It's helpful, thank you, Kate.

Kate: No... I'm still a novice, so please give me instructions.

Roger: Alright, then I'll use you to the fullest.

(Why am I... so happy just from being praised by Roger?)

The sound of my heart beating, thump-thump, was definitely different from usual.

(No, no. Knowledge is also a form of strength. I was just happy that I became a little stronger.)

(...Probably.)

--After selecting the chemicals and conducting numerous tests, the tetanus cure was refined.

Roger: Alright... Once we conduct clinical trials, we can actually administer this.

(Clinical trials mean...)

Kate: Testing on healthy subjects to examine the drug's effects, right?

Roger: Exactly. This time, we want to see if it's safe to drink.

Liam: Roger, I'll drink it. I'm healthy, and even if something happens to me, I...

Roger gave a wry smile to Liam, who had raised his hand first.

Roger: Liam. Do you think I'd easily fall for your "bad habit"?

Liam: Ah...!

Curiosity - that was the curse placed on Liam.

Roger: Besides, it's too bad. I was just thirsty.

With that, Roger gulped down the cure that was in the bottle.

Kate and Liam: Wh-What!?

After being stunned by his bold drinking, we came to our senses.

Kate: Roger! What if something happens to you!?

Roger: It'll be fine. I'm sturdier than you guys.

(Is he really okay...?)

Half of me trusted Roger, and the other half didn't.

But Roger himself...

Roger: We need to wait a while for the effects to show. Alright, I'm going to take a nap.

Roger: Kate, wake me up in an hour.

With that, he flopped onto the bed.

Kate: Huh, Roger?

He started snoring within seconds.

Kate: ...He's... asleep?

As I blinked in surprise at his swiftness, Liam laughed.

Liam: Heh, you can't kill him even if you try.

Liam: I'm going to check on the villagers.

Liam: Kate, please take care of Roger.

The door closed, leaving Roger and me alone in the room.

I sat on the edge of the bed, and Roger's hand fell from his chest onto my lap.

(He really is asleep...)

His gloved hand was bony and large.

I gently touched his fingertips, resting defenselessly on my lap.

(These hands have surely killed people before.)

(And they've saved many lives as well.)

What Roger does seems to hold both life and death in the palm of his hand - a stark contradiction.

He, with his sharp mind, must be aware of this contradiction.

An egoist who carries a hunting rifle as if bearing the sin of murder, calls himself a former doctor, and lives in this darkness.

(...What is Roger trying to do in Crown?)

*flashback*

Kate: ...What kind of research are you doing, Roger?

Roger: I want to erase the cursed ones from this world.

*flashback over*

(Could those words mean...)

I shook my head, trying to organize my thoughts.

(...No, I shouldn't try to find the answer only in my own head.)

No matter how much I think, my thoughts won't reach Roger's truth.

(At least, not the current me...)

After that, Roger woke up without any problems.

The tetanus cure was administered to the suffering girl, and under the watchful eyes of the villagers...

As the rising sun dyed the air, the girl opened her eyes.

--

Roger: ...Her pulse is normal, no numbness in her limbs. The medicine worked.

(Thank goodness...!)

Child's Mother: Thank you! You are a god!

Roger: ...Me, a god?

Roger: Don't make me laugh. I'm just an ordinary human, as you can see.

Roger: ...If I were a god, I would erase all the absurdities that plague this world with my own hands.

(...Roger...?)

His eyes were cold, betraying the warmth in his words.

But the expression vanished from Roger's face in an instant.

Instead, a sarcastic smile appeared on his face.

Roger: Humans can't become gods, even if they stand on their heads. That's what makes it interesting, isn't it?

Spirit God: ...Sh-Shut up!

Everyone present turned around at the roar that shattered the peace.

Kate: Huh, the Spirit God!? Wasn't he supposed to be captured and under surveillance...?

The villagers were also in an uproar at the sudden appearance of the Spirit God.

Village Man: Wh-When did he get out of the ropes!? Everyone, run!

The Spirit God, who seemed to have escaped on his own, had an eerie grin on his face in the midst of the chaotic room...

(He's coming towards us...!)

He pounced on me from behind as I tried to run away.

Kate: Kyaaa...!

Roger: Kate!

Roger, who was beside the girl, reached out his hand, but I was caught by the Spirit God before he could reach me.

Liam: Kate...!

Roger: ...........

Spirit God: If you don't want this woman killed, forget everything you saw in this village!

Spirit God: Then I can live here as a god again!

(What nonsense... But still, what strength...!)

(...What should I do?)

The arm wrapped around my neck was stealing my air.

I desperately raised my face and met Roger's eyes.

Roger: ...........

While everyone around us turned pale, only Roger was laughing.

(...Huh? Why is he laughing at a time like this...?)

His amber eyes gleamed with amusement as if asking me, "You want to get stronger, don't you?"

(This man is...!)

(But, but...)

---It's better to be amused than to be underestimated for being incapable.

(Calm down and remember... the self-defense techniques Roger taught me.)

*flashback*

Roger: Step 2, what to do when you're hugged.

Kate: Huh, what am I supposed to do in this situation!?

Roger: Hey, hey, I told you that trying to force your way out is counterproductive.

Roger: First, relax your whole body. Imagine yourself as a puppet with its strings cut.

*flashback over*

I calmed my mind and relaxed my body all at once as I exhaled.

Spirit God: ...Wh-What? She suddenly got heavy...

(Now's my chance!)

The moment the Spirit God panicked, I pushed his arm up from below.

Roger: Kate, well done. Now crouch down.

The instant I escaped from the Spirit God's arm, Roger stepped in...

Kate: ...!

A powerful jab hit the Spirit God's chin, and he collapsed unconscious.

(His eyes are rolled back, he's completely out...)

Kate: A one-hit KO... How strong are your arms?

Roger: Didn't I tell you? I'm a heavyweight boxing champion.

--CHOICES--

Wow...

Are you serious?

You're incredible...

---------------

Kate: Wow...

Kate: Wait! You casually mentioned you're a heavyweight boxing champion!?

Roger: Haha, impressive, right?

(He doesn't seem to be joking. He really is an incredible person...)

I definitely want to grill him about boxing for an hour or so, but there's something else I'm curious about first.

Kate: He's not dead, is he...?

I put my finger on the Spirit God's neck to check for a pulse.

Kate: Oh, he's breathing...

Liam: He's breathing, but he won't wake up for a while. Well, maybe it's for the best.

(As long as he's not dead, it's okay for now...)

Even if they're a villain, it leaves a bad taste in your mouth to see them die in front of you.

Blonde-Haired Child: ...Glasses... brother...

The girl, who seemed to have recovered enough to get out of bed, approached Roger.

Roger: Hmm, what's wrong? Are you in pain somewhere?

Blonde-Haired Child: No. Um... thank you for making the pain go away...

Blonde-Haired Child: And thank you to the sister and the pink brother too...

Kate: I'm happy you're feeling better too.

Liam: Pink brother, huh? That's cute.

Roger: You're welcome. I've received the best reward.

-

The Spirit God, who had regained consciousness, confessed to all his crimes and was sent back to the police.

This closed-off village would now be opened up with financial support from Her Majesty-- reported Victor, having rushed over with the news.

And I...

--

I parted ways with Victor, who said he would take care of the aftermath, and Liam, who volunteered to accompany him. Roger and I boarded a train heading back to London a little earlier.

The twilight dyed the scenery outside the flowing window.

Roger: ...Heh, haha.

Roger, who was sitting across from me, suddenly started laughing.

Roger: That guy's face when you slipped out of his arms was priceless.

(So that's why...)

Remembering the dumbfounded look on the Spirit God's face when he didn't understand what had happened, a smile also appeared on my lips.

Kate: Heh, hehe...

Kate: That's not something to laugh about! I thought I was going to die!

I glared at him, but Roger continued to laugh, resting his cheek on the window frame.

Roger: My bad, my bad. But honestly, seeing you use the self-defense techniques so well was impressive.

Roger: And the fact that you were secretly studying medicine too.

Roger: So, Kate, close your eyes.

Kate: ...Don't do anything weird, okay?

I closed my eyes after giving him a warning.

...Then, I felt fingers touch my neck.

(Lace? It's like a thin tie... but it feels really nice.)

Roger: You can open your eyes now.

Kate: ..........

I slowly opened my eyelids.

Roger: .............

In his amber eyes, I saw my own reflection wearing a cute choker.

Kate: This is...?

Roger: It's a collar. You've been promoted from chore girl to pet dog, congrats.

.

.

.

.

.

Chapter 9

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to buy me a coffee here! :)

[heavy-metal-lover-girl]

🦇 the matthew patel playlist: a song-by-song breakdown

youtube music version (i usually use youtube instead of spotify)

hello matthew patel nation. how we feelin. since i'm incapable of liking this man normally, i made an in-depth playlist for him!

i've had a great time making playlists using the character playlist challenge by elijah menchaca. my choices follow the list and three rules included in the challenge: 1) one song per artist only, 2) one song per aspect/trait/relationship, and 3) eight songs minimum. i highly recommend it if you want to make in-depth and polished playlists for your favorite characters and ocs while also avoiding anything cliche.

my infodump/breakdown on this playlist (plus a Bonus playlist) can be found below the cut!

this playlist has a mix of songs that could be considered period accurate (pre-early/mid 2000s) and songs that aren't. but also we're talking about the scott pilgrim franchise so it's really not that serious.

my goal was to make a playlist that both fit his character/backstory and what i think he'd listen to, and i think i succeeded. all of my choices are based on a combo of each main depiction of matthew - in the comics, movie, and anime. this tracklist can apply to each one. this tracklist is also a combination of songs i've seen in other matthew playlists + songs i've picked out myself.

here are my choices for matthew's playlist + my reasoning:

1. their theme song: matthew patel by anamanaguchi and joseph trapanese

it's his theme song from spto! pretty self-explanatory. i love his silly lil leitmotif <3

2. how they view themselves: the ripper by the used

time takes us all so why am i not just living for today? time takes us time takes us all will i die right now? i'm only seconds away time takes us

this is one of the first songs in this playlist that has abstract lyrics. sure, matthew is not an actual mass murderer, but it's clear that he views himself in a similar edgy light. that's the kind of image he wants to portray. plus, i think the decisions he makes in canon have a reckless attitude of "fuck this, i have nothing to lose." that's what this track sounds like.

3. how they view the rest of the world: toxicity by system of a down

you, what do you own the world? how do you own disorder, disorder? now, somewhere between the sacred silence, sacred silence and sleep somewhere between the sacred silence and sleep disorder, disorder, disorder

here's another track with abstract lyrics. the lyrics of toxicity are cryptic to the point where there are probably a ton of different interpretations of what they could mean. in matthew's case, he would agree with the song's general critique of modern society, even if he might not 100% understand what's going on (both with the song and the world in general). with everything he's gone through, he's definitely wondered how he could own disorder.

4. a song about their relationship with another character: black bubblegum by the dillinger escape plan

i had gotten frozen by the way you walk by the love that you gave, by that look on your face it's a cover-up i know everything, i know everything you're made for four-letter fame regret is part of your name it's something you couldn't tell it's what you wanted to feel it's what you're dying to feel

the sound of this track fits matthew to a t, especially with greg puciato's vocal delivery. dillinger esc plan's lyrics have a similar cryptic quality to them, but the lyrics to black bubblegum are clearer compared to their other tracks. they fit matthew's relationship with and disillusion/disdain towards ramona. plus, there's the underlying yearning and obsession if you squint. it's really fun imagining matthew loving this track and getting jumpscared when he looks into the rest of dillinger's catalogue. <3

5. a song about what they want: give 'em hell, kid by my chemical romance

if you were here, i'd never have a fear so go on, live your life but i miss you more than i did yesterday (you're beautiful!)

come on. i HAD to put an mcr track in this playlist. i think matthew would connect with the three cheers era the most. the edgy hopeless romantic in him definitely self-projects onto the story of the demolition lovers. i'm saying this bc i've done that too as a big mcr fan. in general, give 'em hell, kid describes how he yearns for a life larger than what he has with someone that he loves, whether that's ramona or someone else. (matthew self-shippers unite!!)

6. a song about what’s important to them: funky galileo by sure sure

and i've been feeling so pent up like an ocean in a bathtub nobody seems to understand they're calling me an evil man when all i wanna do is dance

compared to the other songs in this playlist, this feels a little more unorthodox. but i have my reasons for it. this track has an awkward funk to it, and i mean that in a good way. yes, the song is literally about galileo and is written in his perspective, but matthew definitely has the same attitude as the lyrics. sure sure describes the first verse in this way: "everybody is giving him shit for his ideas, but he figures he’ll simply keep grooving in isolation til he dies." behind all the goofy shit that matthew does, there's a desire to prove everyone wrong and keep going.

7. a song about what they hate: glass: half-empty by hail the sun

fuck this anyway do i have to learn to live craving more than i'm given? fuck it all anyway i will never be appeased i don't know what's wrong with me i will never be appeased

if hail the sun existed in 2004, matthew would love them. i think he would view their combination of math rock and emo as mindblowing. in canon, we don't get an in-depth view of his insecurities, but i think they sound exactly like this track.

8. their Ass-Kicking Song™: bollywood by anamanaguchi

another one of his canon theme songs, this time from the sp video game.

9. a song about an event in their life: von dutch by charli xcx

it's so obvious i'm your number one i'm your number one, i'm your number one i'm your number one, yeah, it's so obvious i'm your number one, i'm your number one i'm your number one, yeah, it's so obvious

look!! it's right there!! he's literally number one! von dutch gives me the same vibes as his boost in confidence after taking gideon's place in the anime, but it could also apply to his confidence in general. matthew switches between dwelling on his shortcomings and feeling like the hottest shit in the world like whiplash.

also, the people have spoken. he would listen to it. idk i just think he would love charli. real recognizes real.

10. their “origins” song: down, set, go by underoath

i'm a half-wit boy cracking a smile and wearing it all on my sleeve so cool and so poised it's true, i'm just around to see where this thing goes, i'll never know but all i know is packing bags is a remedy, is a remedy

system of a down and underoath are probably the heaviest bands that matthew has ever listened to. he hasn't gone into the deep end yet, so this is the most that he could take. the lyrics align with the naivete and angst he experienced when he dated ramona and got dumped, especially with the callout at the end repeating, "you're not here with me! you're not here with me!"

he took it pretty badly.

11. their end credits song: out in the twilight by tally hall

stone & glass, everything balancing every saint has a sin won't it last? resident present i don't even want to ask all the light is low where the time will go all i know is that i can see anything out in the twilight

according to bryan lee o'malley, none of the evil exes died. after getting defeated by scott, they each respawn back at their homes and "(learn) their lesson." we never see what this looks like. the closest thing we get to that is seeing what becomes of them in spto, and even then, that's a completely different timeline of events. either way, whether we're talking about comic/movie matthew or series matthew, he puts his past behind in some way or another. scott pilgrim has different portrayals of the gray area between what is good and evil, since no character is a saint. out in the twilight speaks to this theme while also talking about the importance of acknowledging the past and letting it go. in comparison to the other characters, matthew did not commit the worst sins at all. he has the ability to redeem himself from the immature decisions he made and learn from them. i think that no matter what iteration of the story we're talking about, matthew can get over ramona and move on with his life. we saw him do exactly that in spto.

also i just know that matthew loves tally hall. it's peak theater kid music to me.

p.s. there are a lot of tracks that were contenders for his character playlist that didn't make the cut. i've also just found a lot of songs that i think he would listen to in general. the playlist below is where i've dumped them. suggestions are welcome! send them to me

youtube music version

to anyone who got this far: thank u so much for listening to my rambling about this goober!! i appreciate it and i hope u did too 🎉

[a-twistedheartslonging]

Had a dumb funny scene that i want to put in something (more so a vague character interaction for my own OCs but also just something​that i think would be endlessly funny)

Friend A and Friend B actually i work better with two names so

Aves and Beye (a and b)

Aves, nonchalant, mouth full of banana honey sandwich: y'know, if i woke up with a uterus i don't think I'd change anything about me. But also i am not sure if others would change about me? Y'know? Perception and such? Would you change about me like that???

*he's got like a mouth full of food and is staring at the rafters, he likes to watch the dust motes catch the light*

Beye nods emphatically, brows furrowed, he's intense and his expressions loud: Nah nah nah man i get ya! That's real about erceptions an all that! I get ya no no yeah. Bestie it don't matter it don't matter. It's all good man! Ya always my bestie

Aves, head lolling to the side in a nod: thanks mahn it really means –

Beye continuing, clasps his shoulder pointing at Aves for emphasis: Yea dude 😤 yo dick could turn into a uterus righ NOW and we'd be chilling! Don't care!

Aves, barks out in startled laughter

Beye, focused on cementing his steadfast camaraderie, continues his voice getting louder in his enthusiasm, : YEAH DUDE, and if you get them minstrel cramps Imma make sure we get all the chocolate! Shits good for that, shove as MUCH as you need up there! I got you man! Aves throws a hand up to rein in Beyes. He is beside himself with laughter,

Aves, cackling red faced with the force of mirth and confusion: Wait wait wait🫸🏼 what??? What? Why do you think-- the chocolate goes where????

Beyes, confused,: the chocolates for pain right??? How else do you apply the chocolate for minstrel pain???

Aves feels like he's dying from the hilarity, laughter squeezing the air from his lungs,

Aves, gasping: no no, that- that's not how that works. Bro, chocolate is for comfort like hot food on a cold day dude. Plus coco has got those pain relief chemicals. Chocolate is general use dude. You just eat it

Beyes looks shocked for a moment, and then looks embarrassed though he finds humor in it

Beyes, head held in hands: damn... I feel so dumb

Aves, waving away Beyes embarrassment, : No no it's fine, it's fine. At least you know now. Arguably not the worst misunderstanding tbh but yeah yeah that's...

Beyes, throwing his hands to the sky as if he is lamenting in grief, his tone woeful and regretful: they don't teach me shit man, gotta learn this shit on my own, weird shit everywhere too. I really thought that, i thought folks were just plopping Hershey's in there or something,

Beyes turns to aves, his hand outstretched like he's asking for forgiveness, it seems over the top but beyes truly feels his emotions deeply: i mean i know sugar works for wound care and there's plants that help stuff! Like aloe! Aloe is just a cactus with slime that helps burns! I was like well chocolates are made of sugar and plants so maybe that's helping??? Damn... Learning never stops man

Aves nods: yeah yeah nah, i get ya. I think, ancient Egypt had medicinal marshmallows, from the mallow plant???

Beyes, nodding frantically: YES, there's also honey with herbs in it, like ancient ricola cough drops.

Aves: I'd like some honey with herbs in, make a mean tea i bet...

Anyways yeah i just

The idea of this silly interaction,

Also yes beyes says menstrual like minstrel, tried to capture how i imagine the two in my head were interacting and talking

Pretty silly.

[loosesodamarble]

Welcome to the Black Bird Part 6: Aurelius the Devoted

Summary: Introducing Nacht as Aurelius, the butler with a dark heart which he devotes to his master. Genre: general Word count: ~1000 A/N: Artwork was done by @cringeyvanillamilk.

..........

Nacht glared at his reflection, specifically the dark roots that were beginning to show in great contrast to the pristine white he was so proud to have achieved.

“Looks like it’s time for a touch up,” he said to himself with a huff.

The worst part about bleaching his hair used to be the smell of the chemicals. But nowadays, Nacht was most annoyed by the process of applying the bleach by himself. He used to have someone—two someones—to help him but going to them for anything wasn’t something Nacht could bring himself to do.

Nacht’s favorite music blared as he combed through his hair and applied the bleach mixture to his roots. Even with the days of jamming with a ragtag band behind him, Nacht’s hands still knew the right hand positions to play the chords he heard and his voice matched the vocals easily. He never forgot how to let himself be carried away by music.

The hectic rhythm of a song was cut off by a mechanical chime. Knowing what it meant, Nacht let the phone ring until the other end was sent to voicemail.

[Hello again, brother! I see you’re still not picking up. It’s okay. I know how you are.] Morgen’s voice was warm. [Anyways, I’m calling to let you know that I’m doing well. We both are. We miss you, too. Our lives have changed drastically but that doesn’t mean we have to go our separate ways. We want to be there for you just like how you’ve been there for us.]

Nacht grit his teeth as he listened. As glad as he was to hear from Morgen, it also made his stomach churn knowing that his brother was trying to maintain contact after… everything.

[Take care of yourself, Nacht.] An affectionate voice spoke, making Nacht’s heart ache. [I can’t wait to see you again.]

Even if she wanted to, Nacht didn’t deserve to see her or Morgen.

…..

Nacht strode across the cafe floor, eyes dead set on the table he was to serve. It was a pair, a woman with unruly red hair and a man with the tips of his brown bangs dyed green. He saw a busser chatting with them, likely after refilling their drinks.

His honest feelings on the situation were of apathy. The customers were being helped and that’s what mattered. But as per the role he played, he knew he had to put on a show when he arrived. 

“What do you think you’re doing, speaking with my masters?” Nacht asked in a cold voice once he was behind the busser. He saw the other man bristle at the sound of his voice. “Are you trying to take my place?”

“Aha… N-nothing like that Aurelius,” the guy squawked. “I’ll, uh, be going.” And off he went, with Nacht sending a glare after him.

After a sigh, Nacht said in a tender voice, “My good masters, I’ve brought your meals as ordered.” He set the dishes in front of the customers before continuing. “If I may, as your humble servant, I have a request.”

“Huh? What kind?” the brunet man asked.

At that prompting, Nacht lowered himself onto one knee.

“I am here to serve you forevermore. It would destroy me if you didn’t accept all I have to offer,” Nacht said with his hand over his heart and a practiced look of heartbreak on his face. “So I beg, you need not return my adoration but don’t turn me away. Allow me to stay close to you until the end of my days.”

Nacht spoke, not to the customers seated before him. Instead, his heart directed the words to someone immeasurably precious to him.

Deep brown eyes that sparkled with affection. Umber hair which he yearned to comb his fingers through. A gentle smile which never failed to take Nacht’s breath away. She was everything to him. Yet she was out of his reach.

All Nacht could do was give empty declarations to strangers. It left people surprised and entertained, which was good for his job.

But it ultimately meant nothing to him.

…..

Black Soul Soup. Made with meats and spices cooked in vinegar water and squid ink for its color, the dish had a salty and sour flavor, making it an acquired taste.

The rest of the staff had grimaced in disgust and confusion when Nacht had proposed the dish. But it stuck since Secre liked the distinct flavor profile and it fit the archetype Nacht played.

Both were hard sells at the cafe. The eerie blackness of the soup and the sharp flavor put people off. Meanwhile, the trope of a yandere was niche at best. Not that Nacht minded. He didn’t wish for the attention or acceptance of the masses so a lack of it had no effect on him.

It went beyond his work persona, too. Nacht saw himself as someone tainted and unkind, who caused trouble more often than not. People kept their distance from Nacht instinctively, as if they could sense the danger he brought. He preferred it that way. And if anyone didn’t steer clear on their own, Nacht pushed them away.

Despite the peculiar nature of the dish, it wasn’t without its fans and there were customers who enjoyed the unhinged character of Aurelius.

As for Nacht, he wasn’t alone in life either. The circle of people close to him was small. Because the more people he allowed into his life, the more he had to fear for their sakes. Maybe if he didn’t care at all, he’d have nothing to worry about. But then he would have nothing to live for.

Nacht cared, as painful and as scary as it was, and he prayed that his devotion wouldn’t cause any more damage to his loved ones. He couldn’t know for sure though, not yet.

[i-am-cesear]

Listen! You know I am a big Natsuhiko simp. It was normal for me to wonder about his necklace.

I think his necklace is REALLY important. What we know about Natsuhiko's necklace? It is a present from Sakura and it is germanium. He is just so casually says it in here.

I needed to check what is germanium and

1) Why did Sakura gave Natsu a germanium necklace?

Let's start with germanium itself. If I pass the more scientific stuff about germanium, this is what I get so far:

• It is a metalloid in the carbon group that is chemically similar to its group neighbors silicon and tin.

• Germanium is not thought to be an essential element for any living organism. Similar to silicon and aluminium, naturally-occurring germanium compounds tend to be insoluble in water and thus have little oral toxicity. However, synthetic soluble germanium salts are nephrotoxic, and synthetic chemically reactive germanium compounds with halogens and hydrogen are irritants and toxins.

•The major end uses for germanium in 2007, worldwide, were estimated to be: 35% for fiber-optics, 30% infrared optics, 15% polymerization catalysts, and 15% electronics and solar electric applications. The remaining 5% went into such uses as phosphors, metallurgy, and chemotherapy.

•Germanium supplements, made from both organic and inorganic germanium, have been marketed as an alternative medicine capable of treating leukemia and lung cancer.  There is, however, no medical evidence of benefit; some evidence suggests that such supplements are actively harmful.

So. We use germanium more in technology and it is not usually harmfull for people. Wanna know what I decided to search? Germanium necklaces. Just to see if it has any meaning.

I checked the first web-site and I know, I should've search more but I was curious. I searched "germanium necklace benefits" and wanna know what I found out? Apparently, germanium jewelry;

• Increases blood circulation

• Increases metabolism of body cells

• Removes harmful toxins

•Alleviates physical stress, stiffness, cramps or discomfort

• Controls swelling

• Reduces water retention

• Relieves fatigue and tiredness

• Promotes quality sleep

• Slows down aging

• Increases and maintains body warmth

But Cesear, why are they important??

It's because, I am almost sure that Natsuhiko is not wearing his necklace in this panel.

He is not wearing it. He can't. That necklace looks more like a collar than a necklace. For exemple, look here:

And here, now look at his germanium necklace:

That thing is not loose. I don't think he can wear that thing under a shirt that buttoned all the way up and a necktie. Look again. Do you see what I mean?

And in these panels, it is the first time Natsu talks about something that hurts him. He experienced some wild things before with Nene.

He looks scared but totally ok in here.

He looks scared, not in pain.

And he just comes back like nothing happened. These panels was one of the reasons why I thought he was immortal in the first place. He is wearing his necklace in all of them. He looks fine, he looks like his usual self. But in the raws, he looks tired. My friend pointed it out for me that in whole manga, this is the only time Natsu look genuinly tired and also, he mentions himself as a "human."

Maybe it's because he is losing blood but I don't think that much of blood and that much of a time is long enough for him to feel tired. I think he is not wearing his necklace and that necklace is healing him.

But Cesear, what does the necklace healing Natsu from?

Good question.

Before these raws, I thought that Natsu was sick and he was dying. Remember where people use germanium? Don't bother scroll back up, I'll show you again.

• Germanium supplements, made from both organic and inorganic germanium, have been marketed as an alternative medicine capable of treating leukemia and lung cancer.

But now that we have the raws, I know what the necklace heal Natsu from.

I think it is healing him from his own blood.

We now know that Natsuhiko is immortal (like I was saying for months now) because of a rumour that Sakura released but Natsu is not entirely supernatural. His blood causes the supernatural things to break down, it is toxic for them.

And if Natsu is at least somewhat immortal, that means that his blood might be toxic for him as well. He is also immortal. Which might put Natsu in a circle; his own blood keep hurting and killing him inside while his immortality forces him to live. It must be painful, he feels pain. He says that either cutting his palm or his blood hurts so he feels it. He can't be useful like that. So, how are we going to fix it?

By giving him a healing necklace which is also believed that helps with aging process.

So. Now you know why I found that necklace really important.

[theprissythumbelina]

Biography of a Maya Horse

Previous 1st post and 2nd post on my fiction piece inspired by my work with a working horse NGO in Guatemala. The language here is Kaqchikel Mayan, one of the many Indigenous languages present in Guatemala. Please forgive any translation mistakes, as I am not a native speaker.

Fumigation

Even small-scale farmers in Guatemala rely on chemical fertilizers, herbicides, and pesticides for survival. Guatemala is one of the largest importers of Class 1 pesticides from the United States. Many chemicals which are banned for use in the US, after being proven to have adverse side effects such as liver failure, cancer, and fetal death, are still used with few regulations in the Global South.

On this mountain, my masters always worried about the land. Jun Kame sold his mules soon after I arrived. He used the money to buy a new plot of land high on the mountain for Daniel. The land there was new and healthy, he said. Jun Kame had another milpa close to town, but the land there was sick. Jun Kame was also sick. He could not walk very far, because he complained of pain in his belly. When he and Daniel worked together, Jun Kame rode me, and Daniel walked beside us. He also smelled of sickness, of blood on his breath. It scared me at first, but I grew used to it. His eyes and skin had a strange yellow hue. He told Daniel constantly that he would not live much longer. Daniel always argued with him, but there was no point. If either had asked me, I could have told them what they both already knew. Daniel’s father was dying. It would not be long. Man yojtikir ta nab’än majun. There was nothing to be done.

Please let me know if you want me to stop tagging you, or if you want to be tagged and are not!

@thetruearchmagos @thatndginger @amaiguri @sergeantnarwhalwrites @jacqueswriteblrlibrary @winterandwords @dyrewrites

[thebettermccoy]

😂Funniest thing that’s ever happened to your muse? 

📑 Favorite part of your muse’s backstory? 

📝 Favorite headcanon for your muse? 

😒 Is there anything canon about your muse that you ignore? 

🔮 What do you see in your muse’s future? 

🔥 Unpopular opinion about your muse? 

😩 Hardest thing about writing the muse? 

⌨ What’s a situation you’ve always wanted to RP with the muse? 

😂Funniest thing that’s ever happened to your muse? 

Just being in the five-issue Dark X-Men storyline. Dark X-Men #1 starts off strong when Osborn sends them on their first mission to interview the "I'm an X-Man" victims in the hospital.

That scene reads as one adult (Mystique) trying to wrangle three children on a road trip. You've got Omega (the youngest kid who won't shut up and begins to wreck shit up), Mimic (the sad middle child who is coerced into also wrecking shit), and Henry (eldest child, chaos instigator but also just wants to go home.) For those who haven't read it, please do. For those who have, reread it with this mindset, the storyline will be exponentially more entertaining.

📑 Favorite part of your muse’s backstory?

It's hard to say that I like/ have a favorite backstory for Henry when he little grew up in a terrible world where Apocalypse ruled. The first time we see him, he is already an adult known for his twisted experiments.

Perhaps the thing that I like is that we don't know what his experience was before Earth-295 went to shit. So it leaves us to wonder exactly at what point Henry McCoy lost a few screws. Even Scott and Alex (who supposedly at least shared some similarities in upbringing as Henry in Apocolype's world) think he's "a creepshow".

It leaves us to ponder what fucked Henry McCoy so terribly compared to the others on the evil side of this storyline. I could write an entire paper on this (and I did once, then deleted it out of embarrassment back in college). I wish I had fucking kept it. It would have been useful in this context.

📝 Favorite headcanon for your muse?

Unlike his counterpart, McCoy hates Twinkies. He did not grow up with them, so when he posed as Hank during the Onslaught storyline, he tried one for the first time from Hank's stash and spat it out because it tasted like spongey sweetness wrapped in chemicals. He cannot fathom why Hank likes them.

😒 Is there anything canon about your muse that you ignore?

He's not a head in a jar during Krakoa. He fucked off somewhere. (I'm still bitter that Sinister and Apocalypse, and his now-evil counterpart get to have positions of power on Krakoa, and McCoy is just a floating head doing absolutely nothing. Sooo much-missed opportunity. I'd rather he just be dead.)

I also kind of ignore the Generation X (1994) #-1 issue with Dark Beat meeting Emma Frost when she was 16. Not only because it's weird, but it also makes little sense in Emma's timeline anyway. It only became kinda relevant once (during X-Men (1991) #74 X-Men (1991) #79, and X-Man (1995) #44) anyway. Let's just say I'm not upset that it hasn't been brought up again.

Sidenote: Remember when I answered the ask about my favorite creepiest/derpiest image of McCoy, well I just found this one and it is 100x better. WTF Luke Ross? I'm dying. )

🔮 What do you see in your muse’s future?

Some writer at Marvel misses him and he'll be back. I have a feeling it might be soon, too, since he has been "dead" since 2019.

🔥 Unpopular opinion about your muse? 

I am of the opinion that Henry is on the asexual spectrum (either through nurture or chemical changes that he enacted upon himself, as we know that Hank is not asexual.) Sex, like everything else, is just another tool for him to get what he wants and even then it is not a tool that he usually resorts to. Sure, it can be fun, but I think he views sexual urges as more of a distraction from more important things, and he doesn't particularly like to be distracted from his work.

😩 Hardest thing about writing the muse? 

I am as dumb as a sack of bricks, so writing an evil genius requires various levels of Googling to make sure I at least sound like I know what I'm talking about.

⌨ What’s a situation you’ve always wanted to RP with the muse? 

A humorous romp. Maybe something where he is part of a mismatched duo forced to work together with someone under bizarre circumstances. I want to really lean into the true trashy gremlin side of McCoy. It's hard to balance humor with someone that is so disgustingly evil, but I love it when it's done well and I would love to give it a try.

[shipcestuous]

I am once again thinking of and dying over Doom's John and Sam because how could I not when they have a shared traumatic past, a current complicated but never not ride-or-die relationship, an obligatory scene where she avers her absolute faith and trust in who he is that she absolutely knows he makes up the one percent that becomes superhuman instead of a monster once injected with the chemical or gene serum or whatever that wiped out an entire advanced extraterrestrial civilization because of said sweeping odds that whoever takes it becomes a senseless homicidal monster, and in a movie where every single person dies and is actually called freaking Doom while they share the name Grimm (and yes it's indeed poetic here to make the shout-out to the Grim Reaper), they two are the only two people that survive and he carries her in his arms from the depths, the abyss, to the surface, to freedom and open air, from the darkness of the underground, of death and the monstrous, to the light of the surface, the sky, survival and life and a long awaited reconnection between the two.

Who will dare come tell me I couldn't have made someone who has never ever heard of Doom think I'm talking about a non-incestuous pairing written with romantic after romantic trope if I conveniently left out the part that they're siblings?

I'm also fighting with my brain because I have been listening to Little Mix's Monster In Me on repeat and the dialogue goes something lie this:

my brain: John x Sam.

me @ my brain: No, stop. It doesn't even make any sense. The whole point is John didn't turn into a monster.

my brain: John x Sam. Think about it. Think about the vibe. Think about the post-movie fics that never were because they're siblings and people are cowards.

me @ me: Yes, think about it. The monster in me loves the monster in you.

I would like to thank everyone who gave us this movie. Most canon incest doesn't hold a candle to the insanity of Grimmcest.

Most canon incest doesn't hold a candle to the insanity of Grimmcest.

Preach!

You made my day with this post. John and Sam are iconic and forever favorites and it should be obvious to anyone why if they've read what you wrote here.

This movie is such a treasure and such a perfect confluence of unlikely circumstances and qualities.

In 99 out of 100 universes, John and Sam were exes. And in this one glorious instance they were written as siblings and it's so beautiful.

[cyberwonu]

Pink Dye

pairing: non-idol! Bang Chan x gn! reader

word count: 687

genre: fluff

notes / warnings: mentions of chemical burns from hair bleach but thats it

You were bored.

Chan was also bored.

You both couldn’t sleep, it was nearing 3am and you were getting restless just laying in bed trying to fall asleep. It was clear that you simply were not going to get any restful sleep. As much as you loved being cuddled up next to Chan it was also clear you were both bored out of your minds and wanted to do something with your time.

You abruptly get up and look at Chan, who was giving you a very puzzled look. “I’m going to do something” you announced. “And what exactly would that be?”... You didn’t think that far. Chan giggles realizing you have no plan. “You look like a sim got their action canceled and now has no idea what to do” he giggles at you still just standing in front of him. 

After explaining that you’re bored and restless and need to be occupied or you were going to explode. Chan stands up and agrees to join you in a late night adventure of sorts. You aimlessly wander around your home just thinking of things until you remember you have left over bleach and dye from the last time you impulsively dyed your hair. You knew you would need it again, and there's no better time to use it then right now. You spring up and shuffle to the bathroom, sliding on the hardwood floors. 

You grab all the supplies from various cabinets and drawers in the bathroom, grabbing some bright pink dye and placing it on the counter. Chan shows up in the doorway, analyzing the situation. “Really? Dye?” How dare he question your decisions. “Yes, dye. It will cure me” you state. You both think the lack of sleep is making you a little delirious but it's entertaining nonetheless. “Welcome to my salon! I take no accountability for whatever happens on either of our scalps.” you say while throwing some gloves at Chan. 

Now it's almost 4 am and you’ve both washed out the bleach, took some silly pictures, ranted about how you were “too good for toner” and now your slapping pink hair dye on each other's head laughing about how absurd the situation is. “It's going to be so patchy” Chan whines looking in the mirror examining the questionable job you’ve both done. “Look, I never said you would get a good dye job in my 3am salon… but I do remember specifically saying I take no responsibility for anything that happens in here, so who’s fault is it really” you tease while putting on a timer.

After some snacks and a few rounds of Mario Kart your timer goes off and you both return to the bathroom to wash out the dye, and hope your hair is intact and not horrible. At this point it's past 4am and you’re finally starting to get tired. Chan carefully dries your hair, picking up on the fact the lack of sleep is catching up to you. Once finished you both look in the mirror and are greatly surprised by the results. Chan lets out a breath of relief “It’s actually much better than I thought it would turn out”. You whine about him doubting your skills and how he should trust you more. He can tell you’re getting quite tired with the way yawns interrupt you more and more frequently. He feels himself yawn more as well knowing it was time for the both of you to head to bed now. 

You lay in bed happy with your late night shenanigans. You eventually fall asleep being very happy you both don’t have to be up early tomorrow. Less happy about the fact you can feel the slight chemical burns under your nails, the chalky feeling remaining on your hands and knowing the pink dye has stained your face, hands and basically everything in the bathroom. But that’s tomorrow's issue. For now you just appreciate that you can finally get the sleep you need and a loving Chan to support you through all the stupid things you do, including dying your hair at unreasonable times. 

[iamnot-theboynextdoor]

OFMD EP1 REACTION

i already know this is a dream sequence but opening on stede and izzy having a badass swordfight is dope

stede's fantasy is all about him looking and sounding super masc... babyboy that's not you...

HE FUCKING STABBED IZZY. HE KILLED HIM

and of course izzy's last words are "you absolute twaaaaaaaaaat" i'm fucking dying

AND THERE'S THE SLOMO BAYWATCH RUN GOD I LOVE IT

"knew you'd find me babe" and of course ed's got his beautiful beard back and he looks perfect and he loves stede's beard sfjgdskjgdshj stede

aaaaaaand f in the chat for stede's dream sequence, wee john is doing chemical warfare

"can't be worse than you moaning 'ed, oh, ed' all night long" f in the chat for black pete and the rest of the crew

AHAHAHA roach going "he's single" and shoving the swede at jackie. c'mon swede be a hobosexual for us we gotta sleep somewhere

"come closer. spanish jackie don't bite. i lied, i bite" and he giggles i am immediately on board congrats jackie on your 21st husband

love olu's fancy bartender waistcoat!

"i'll buy you a drink" this guy! the guy who's practically stede's twin! in the disco outfit that stede steals! is he the guy stede does a punch on? is he hitting on stede? oh my GOD where is this going

"richard banes. are you stede bonnet?" dear lord this guy could not have a posher accent. is he the guy who ends up with a fake nose. he's an undercover cop isn't he. how else does he know who stede is

awww fuck we're cutting to ed. shit's about to go down

(stede) "hope you're thinking of me as well" close-up on ed's TRUST NO-ONE tattoo. fuuuuuuuuck

and immediately the wedding ed's gonna crash is like some extremely classist/"we must breed more upper class, worthy humans" shit, so ed can do a little murder actually i immediately don't feel bad for them

"objection" ed can board a ship without anyone fucking noticing if it looks cool actually

THERE HE IS he's made everyone put on the emo paint. i keep pausing and rewatching this part. love izzy's sarcastic little smile

jim looks so fucking sexy

so does frenchie tbh

ed's just eating the cake. cake topper my beloved...

OH NO IVAN DIED. OFF-SCREEN. F IN THE CHAT. and frenchie only cares about the cake JUST KIDDING HE IS HARDCORE DISSOCIATING. poor fang tho...

stede taking down blackbeard's wanted poster... does he have a little shrine in the pig sty he's sleeping in. does he draw hearts on the posters

"he's just blowing off some steam" stede has decided the atrocities are cool and fun actually. atrocities are okay if the man doing them has big beautiful brown eyes too. what about it

"i also killed someone and stole their kiosk. sometimes action is better than vision" can we get sue on the crew? "that's what i've been telling him" "that's 'cause you're the smart one" sue confirms that olu is the only crewmember with a brain cell

'we can't turn up with any old ship, we need to look good" STEDE. FOR THE LOVE OF FUCKING GOD.

ed putting the little cake topper in his breast pocket next to his heart i'm going feral

"did everyone get cake?" "yeah they got cake"

ed is doing drugs and izzy has never looked more miserable and soggy. he looks like someone dunked him in an inkwell

OH HERE'S THE SCENE. THE SAD WET MEOW MEOW SCENE

shit's gotta be really bad if izzy needs to be rocked and cuddled while he cries... babyboy you should have just let ed hold the talent show...

i am not at all surprised that jackie's taking all of stede and co.'s savings. this is jackie's house. jackie does not have a tip jar. you're in the republic of pirates hide it better next time

BOO CAKES!

well you didn't even get jackie and the swede a wedding present. this is her wedding present. HIDE THE JAR BETTER-

"what if we took that back?" "i think my husbands would have a problem with that. have you met all twenty of 'em?" PAUSING TO LOOK AT THE HUSBANDS.

"that's a lot of husbands" black pete misses his husband, tails. he misses him a lot

love the one wearing no shirt and a tight waistcoat/corset thing with the axe. one's got cool glasses. two of them are either super twinky or lady-husbands, excellent either way (jackie and her lady-husbands, nandor and his guy-wives... beautiful...)

EDIT: THE TWO HUSBANDS ARE TRANS GUYS HELL YEAH HELL YEAH

"i know that guy we had breakfast together" "you will be having a lot of breakfasts-es together" "oh ok" sometimes a family is a pirate businesswoman and her 20 19 18 20 husbands and we stan

maybe the sexy axe husband cooked the breakfast. i am delighting in imagining them being all cute and domestic until jackie needs them to stand around and look intimidating and then they all scramble into position. their job is to cook breakfast and look sexy and scare the shit out of anyone jackie points them at

i like to imagine that as soon as one of jackie's husbands died she's like fuck i gotta get a new one to make up the numbers. my brand is 20 husbands i can't be seen with only 19. who's new in town that is remotely attractive. ooh, swedish blondie with a metal tooth, he'll look nice next to the one in glasses

anyway stede and co. are now homeless rip

why does roach have buttons on a rope leash sfhdskjghsgk is buttons so desperate to return to his true love (the sea) that they have to treat him like a toddler trying to run into traffic

"dear ed, i think i'm afraid to see you. i'm not afraid you're gonna kill me, i'm afraid your life is better without me!" I AM GOING TO LOSE IT. SOMEONE GET THIS POOR BOY SOME SELF-ESTEEM

i paused on the wanted poster and it said "wanted for theft brigandry larceny arson tax evasion" sgkjhsfgkjsfhgk the fucking IRS is going to find ed before stede does

"could be. could be, mate" stede your ed impression sucks shit

oh god richard's there. are you a cop or just a fan.

"the gentleman pirate saved my life! quite frankly, you're my hero!" with his fancy fucking coat oh god stede has a fan. stede has a copycat fan. AND STEDE'S NOW HAPPY OH MY GOD I AM HITTING HIM WITH A HAMMER (affectionate)

he fed stede a line about jackie's roman puzzle chest... i don't fucking trust this guy i'm convinced he's either a navy plant or a husband plant...

(if he is truly just a baby stede i'm putting him in a jar and shaking him (affectionate))

I FUCKING LOVE THE SWEDE

oh god back to ed's depression den

"not good enough. and that's another toe. take your boot off." okay ed, i know you're trying to get izzy or anybody to kill you in your sleep or something but i'm still. noooo don't commit atrocities you're soo sexy aha

"who am i to you" oh god. shit's gotta be really really fucking bad if izzy's doing emotional intimacy

"i have... love for you, edward" i'm going to explode

first of all izzy is delusional if he thinks he knows ed better than anyone else - we know and love this about him

second, con's fucking acting is going to kill me. he's looking at the floor, there are tears in his eyes, he's whispering and pauses as if saying the word love is going to kill him (and it's not just the emotional repression considering how volatile ed is)

and the way the line is written - it's not "i love you" or "i'm in love with you", it's not a thing izzy does or is, it's a thing he has. an object he's carrying around, separate to him, he's trying to distance himself from it.

and of course ed interrupts him with "oh come on" because he does not trust that anyone actually loves him and he doesn't want anyone to any more, he wants izzy to hate him and kill him!

"i'm worried about you, we all are. the atmosphere on this ship is completely poisoned. but if we could all just maybe... talk it through" SHIT'S GOT TO BE REALLY REALLY UNQUESTIONABLY HORRIFICALLY FUCKING BAD IF IZZY IS ADOPTING STEDE'S CATCHPHRASE

ed, ominously "as a crew" as blackbeard's leitmotif starts up... WORST CHOICE OF WORDS EVER IZZY I'M TERRIFIED

izzy: i fucked up i fucked up i fucked up i fucked up i fucked up

POOR FANG IS WHIMPERING ED DON'T SCARE HIM!!!!!

"i know who we should ask, ol' blackbeard!" (shoves gun under his own chin) jesus christ ed

"FUCKING END!" izzy has had ENOUGH

AND AS SOON AS HE SAYS STEDE'S NAME ED SHOOTS HIM

"frenchie, you are now first mate" STEPS OVER IZZY GROANING IN PAIN

i am very worried

HARD CUT TO THE SWEDE AND JACKIE LMAO

oh god stede's adopted ricky. this can only end terribly

aaaaaand f in the chat for ricky's nose

"i can't believe you guys robbed jackie! so bad!" swede.

jackie looks gorgeous though

SUE IS OF COURSE THE BADASS PIRATE QUEEN

and jackie loves her a sexy swedish double-crosser

thank you sue for adopting the gang of idiots

OH GOD JIM AND ARCHIE MOPPING UP IZZY'S BLOOD. THAT'S A LOT OF BLOOD

poor fang is still crying

awwww and jim's telling him pinocchio to calm him down! (but they suck at telling stories)

"do the voice"

and jim does the fucking voice

ed sounds like he's holding back tears as he describes sailing and robbing and never landing

"fuck you, stede bonnet" "good night, ed teach" HHHHHHH

stede come on man pick up a fucking oar you're not the captain any more

at least we got one romantic reunion! and it was buttons and the ocean <3

sdkfjhsdkjgsdk everyone being like "are we soup merchants now? sweet" and olu with his poor overworked brain cell like "hang on... there's no soup here"

ZHENG YI SAO FUCK YEAH BAY BEE

AFTER CREDITS SEQUENCE!!! storytime with jim extended edition!!!!!

[hermesserpent-stuff]

Tobacco Beetle AU (part 2 villains)

HUrrah i got through a lot of the villains. some that I haven't talked a ton about, like Graveyard, Tombstone, and Poseidon. I am so pleased and so ahh

Villains (?)

What is it to be a villain in a world that has turned its back on you?

Name: Phineas Mason

Aka: Tinkerer

Powers: semi-resistant to electricity. More than a normal person. 

Toolkit: an entire secret lab to work on underground weapons

Age: ?? Maybe 4... He wont tell anyone for sure.

Height: 5' 7'

Weakness: not good at fighting.

Backstory: weapons creator who had a bit of a name for himself in New York. And then he got a kid and had to start worrying more and more about the number of heroes and eyes on New York. And so he decided to move down south. He creates weapons in Richsten and operates a technology repair shop. 

Name: Adrian Toomes 

Aka: Falcon  (this world’s vulture)

Powers: none. But he is very smart

Toolkit: operational wings. Not attached to his arms. These help him adjust the speed and direction of his flight pack

Age: 50

Height: 5’ 7” ish

Weakness: Old. Quick to anger

Backstory: He is an older inventor whose work has been stolen from him over and over and other ideas have failed multiple times. He is tired and done. Osborn takes his glider design and this was his breaking point. He is now bent on revenge and Baccy is bent on getting him to calm down and not let his life be determined by wanting revenge on someone who could care less

Name: L. Thompson Lincoln

Aka: Tombstone/ The Big Man

Powers: Thick skin caused by an “accident”

Toolkit: He has a crime “empire”. Since the city is small it’s more of a fiefdom

Age: 27

Height: 6’ 2”

Weakness: mOrAls. Oops. Not in love with fight rings or drugs being sold to children. Also not a fan of people under 18 working for him. Dan sorta is an exception in his crime network rather than the rule. 

Backstory: Tombstone has always been involved with crime, using fighting as a defense mechanism to both get people off of him and to keep people from messing with him. He does not like people having power over him. Often such people used their power against him, so he slowly made it his goal to gain more and more control over time, so no one can control him like that again. At one point there was a minor crime boss that got him trapped in a chemical vat that was meant as a root protector for crops. The boss had been fearful of his growing ambitions. He was doused in it and his skin grew thicker, almost impenetrable. He broke out and killed the man, taking over that gang. 

He killed the last crime lord in Richsten (because it was dived into 6 or 7 gangs before) and takes over, cleaning up the disorganization and reorganizing everything to his liking. It has been seven years since that. He also has a legal business that he runs which is a towing, removal, and repair company: Sea Shore Towing 

He is not sure what to think of Baccy. She causes a slowly growing number of people to turn from crime and she ruins many operations by showing up. But also the atmosphere of the dying city is lightening and she seems able to handle the slowly encroaching villains that keep popping up. Not to mention the ghosts.

Baccy can't go in his office. He keeps it too cold for her to be able to without falling asleep within minutes. He has no idea that's the case. She leaves notes on his window to ‘threaten’ him. Like cut-out letter ransom notes. Most of them are lighthearted notes. He leaves some in reply on occasion when a playful mood strikes him on the roof with a signal for her to know to check. He just thinks she is not willing to face him head-on. 

Also Tombstone+symbiote: Graveyard

Aka: Graveyard

Powers: Being a symbiote? So the ability to form shapes from symbiote material. Enhances the strength of the host. Can form a suit around the host, but Tombstone tends to not do this. 

Extra-

Can read the surface emotions/thoughts of people the host touches.

Makes the host impenetrable to possession by ghosts or demons. Its host is its host, back off!!

Toolkit: … being a symbiote? And Tombstone. 

Weakness: Fire. Loud noises.

Backstory: Graveyard is an alien captured by AIM when one of their experimental rockets hit an astroid during reentry. It was experimented heavily upon and lived in deep hunger and agony for years. Eventually, it was able to escape its container during a move and consumed everyone on the submarine it was on. The submarine ran aground and Tombstone’s company is brought in to examine and clean it off the beach. Tomby comes to investigate the wreckage himself and the symbiote slips out and latches on, intent at first on feasting, sure this is another scientist. And then as it digs, it finds a mind different from the scientist. Just as calculating and organized, but the morals are new and the memories of pain convince it to still. Tombstone lets it stay if it promises to put a halt on eating people. SHEILD sweeps in and marks the wreck as their property and asks if anything was found on the ship that could explain the clean-licked bones. Tombstone shrugs, and says he barely had the time to look at the thing to figure out removal logistics. Wishes them luck, cause he really would rather flesh-eating stuff not be loose in his city, and really they should have come faster if they knew it was an AIM ship before, does SHEILD know how to run a tight ship? 

Graveyard is enormously pleased to not be in pain anymore and to be safe. It also happens to love the cold, thriving in it.

They are a decent match

Name: Norman Osborn

Aka: Green Goblin 

Powers: Enhanced strength and mobility.

Toolkit: bombs, glider, funny hat. Sick earrings. 

Age: 31

Height: 5’ 6” ish /as goblin in heeled boots: 5’ 7” ish 

Weakness: Mocking. He mocks but is bad at being mocked in return. Especially as Norman by children like Quentin. 

Backstory: Norman Osborn dragged his father's company back from the brink and has fought for everything he has. Scheming, cheating, blackmailing. Whatever he has to do. And now his eyes are on the underbelly of Richsten, hoping to take it for his own. He takes globulin green, originally conceptualized as something to strengthen weakened animals (or people like his daughter)  

Speaking of his daughter. He is terribly distressed at her ‘weakness’ and heart for fantasy. He wants her to focus on more serious subjects like the hard sciences. He keeps her at home and hates the excursions brought about by Martha. Strongly dislikes Martha. But he likes Gwynn. Wishes he had a son like him. So he allows the friendships to continue. Quentin is banned though.

Name: Otto Octavius 

Aka: Land Octopus (this world’s Doctor Octopus)

Powers: Four arms attached to his back. He also communes with technology through Electro. This can be good and bad. 

Toolkit: his arms.

Age: 22

Height: 5’ 1”

Weakness: He has five voices aside from his own in his head. He can get overwhelmed if they all get distracted by something different. He gets better at blocking out his arms and Electro, but in tiredness and extreme panic, he struggles. Without his arms, he is physically weak.

Backstory: Otto was working towards getting his doctorate at the local university: Spartan University. Unfortunately, the person in charge of approving his doctoral research fails him, cheating him out of his doctorate. The person who does this is  Doug, the son of the chancellor, who was paid off by Osborn to do this. 

During this time he is working with his arms in a lab at the school, a lab funded by Agrioscorp. After finding out that he is not passing and not getting his doctorate this semester, he is working in the lab and then there is an accident that frees the AIs of his arms and merges his brain with Electro. He breaks out into the city, determined to destroy the university. And maybe the city. Or take over the city. Hard for him to be sure what he wants, given that his arms are slowly developing slight personalities and that Electro’s subconscious also bumps up against him. 

Name: Maximilian “Max” Dillan

Aka: Electro

Powers: generates and controls electricity, can become pure electricity to travel through wires if he is emotional enough or on purpose after some training. Has a mental connection with Otto.

Also, able to sense ghosts and demons, and other supernatural beings nearby. Can see them when these entities are too weak to be seen by others and talks to them. A lot of people think he is just talking to himself. Otto also thinks this for a bit, not believing in ghosts

Toolkit: determination and a desire to live. 

Age: 25

Height: 5’ 8”

Weakness: Water. 

Backstory: Electro has been working as a repairman around the university as a way to help pay for college. He goes only part-time, with two or three classes a semester. He is trying to make his life better than that of his father’s to drank himself to death when he was 7 or his mother who vanished off the face of the earth after talking to the air for a month when he was 9. He was raised by his maternal grandmother from 9 onwards. She died when he was 23. He wants to be a mechanical engineer and is clawing his way to the degree slowly. 

Then while doing repairs in the university labs, he is electrocuted and knocked into a vat of electric eels that they were experimenting with in the hopes of finding a renewable energy resource. The world explodes into pain and electricity. When he wakes up, he is fully electric and has a metal link to Otto. 

Now he has a beef with the unsafe working conditions of the university and running around with Otto who is trying to find a workable cure. He is in danger, as elements of the city and the world beyond see him as a potential source of renewable energy. He'd much rather not be captured and forced to generate energy for people who don't care about his well-being. 

Name: real name lost to time

Aka: Poseidon

Powers: Similar to Hydroman but spooky. Possesses the ability to transform his whole body into salt water. He can control every droplet that comprises his body. 

Toolkit: Water. And being a ghost

Age: ???

Height: ????

Weakness: Holy water. Certain symbols. Buckets. 

Backstory: A diver who drown many many years ago off the coast near Richsten. His ghost now haunts the waters and tries to drown people. Rises from the waters when the right conditions are met. Those conditions? Unknown. Has to be banished back to the water. The people that he drowns become possessed and shamble like zombies to try and grab other people and hold them still so he can drown them too. But when vanished people return to themselves, slightly worse for wear. 

Name: Sally Stevenson

Aka: Viper

Powers: enhanced strength and enhanced sense of smell.

Toolkit: Venom in her mouth, and in the claws on her arms and shoes. The venom paralyzes people for a few moments in which she can attack. Like the fusroda in Skyrim only impact enemies for a few moments before they recover.

Age: 23

Height: 5’ 6”

Weakness: Not well trained in fighting. Relies mostly on her venom and intimidation to accomplish her goals.

Backstory: TBD

Oh and a doc for edits in the future that has everything: