#i am actually kind of enjoying doing this too. in a really masochistic kind of way i guess

[disdaidal]

Well, this is fun.

Here I'm practicing with Blender, attempting to create my first outfit mod for a video game (fitting one model over another) and oh boy, this is hard.

I have so much more respect for modders and animators now (not that I ever doubted the hard work behind all this, but still).

[oblique-lane]

more mercenary analysis, whichever merc you want <3

Not a mercenary but... Okay!

Let's dissect Pauling

Always so collected, responsible and efficient. The one who is not afraid to get her hands dirty for the sake of a goal, and her performance is always one hundred percent. What could possibly be not cool about her?

Well, maybe the fact that this all is, in fact, an act. Of course it is.

I'm not saying her determination and dedication to her job aren't sincere decisions of her heart, she really enjoys it and shines in her work. It's just a matter of WHY and WHAT she's doing it for. And on what scale.

For her, her job is EVERYTHING. Eagerly working 364 days a year with barely any rest, masochistically putting herself in so much danger, blindly following the boss's instructions, not even hesitating to kill people standing on the way...

Wow, there's gotta be something going on here.

Well, obviously the Administrator plays A HUGE role in this situation. Why would Pauling trust her so much? Referring to the comics, Pauling trusted her wholeheartedly on whatever the Administrator was planning, even though she didn't know what it was. This blind following that vaguely resembles nothing less than a weird somewhat child-to-a-mother attachment. It's just a Boss, just a job, why?

Because that's what it is. Mother issues. Very apparent.

We don't know anything about Pauling's past, so there's where the headcanons begin:

I'm assuming her birth mother was very neglectful and dismissing, never acknowledged her daughter's accomplishments and struggles. No matter how hard Pauling tried to become "worthy" in her eyes, it seemed to be never enough, as if she didn't even exist at all. Maybe her mother was a substance addict or something and their household wasn't safe and stable, so Pauling had to become an adult early and run away from home as a teenager and find a job to get by.

(I assume that because I believe there was a mention in the canon lore that Ms.Pauling had been working for the Administrator for long long years (don't remember exactly), indicating that she started working when she was still a minor).

So, being taken under the Administrators wing, her young wounded brain found a substitute for a very thing she was lacking, subconsciously clinging onto the Administrator as a newly mother figure, in order to "get it right this time".

Administrators Strictness, responsibility and demandingness were the most favorite qualities of a person of authority in Pauling's eyes, in contrast to the laziness, unaccountability and indifference of the environment in which she grew up. She could finally strive.

This time she would show the mother figure that she's worthy, she's important and irreplaceable; she exists. She would prove that no amount of hardship is too much for her if it means approval for the Administrator.

And the Administrator kind-of-sort-of gave Pauling this pseudo-love in return, encouraging her to sacrifice herself even more for their work. Which is at the very least unfair, and at most just predatory. Administrators "love" was conditional, in contrast with when the real motherly love Pauling unknowingly expected. Administrator was too immature for a mother figure, too much in power for a partner or a friend, yet too close for a formal boss. What is this!? Something not nice.

The Administrator doesn't love Pauling for Pauling, she loves her working qualities. And thus, Paulings subconscious guess was confirmed that "I'm only important when I'm doing the job. I AM the job."

Tying your worth to what you DO instead of what you are is a huge dangerous existential rout one could choose. But she never really knew her importance outside of her skills, so she wouldn't know.

Now imagine how actually painful that character arc was for her, when the Administrator proved herself to be unreliable and secretive, and when Pauling started to question her intentions for the first time.

"... Because I trusted you!"

"Then why are you questioning me now?"

It wasn't even the real conversation between them, just Pauling's mind torturing her.

It reminded me of the crisis of a 4-year-old when they realise that their parents aren't perfect; they don't know anything and they CAN hurt you.This shattering illusion of almighty love. When a child stops believing that the "harsh love" their mother treats them with is simply an abuse.

Wouldn't it be terrifying to realise in your 20s thar despite running for "the mother's approval" all your life, you will never truly get it. If your mother failed to provide it to you at such a young age, nothing will truly substitute that, especially now, when you're an adult, no one will love your inner child the way it was supposed to be loved.

Unless you yourself decide to take that role.

...

Realistically speaking, it's not nearly that sever with Pauling! She's happy in the environment she's in, there's lots of interests for her to explore (Guns, fights, killin'!) So many adventures every day! Even if Pauling has her inner suffering, it's not that bad aa I describe it. Her mother problems may actually be an advantage, a reason she is such a good and caring boss for the mercenaries.

I'm just edgying things down for the sake of the clearer analysis. But still...

If the Administrator will be gone and Pauling loses her life-dedicated job... What will be left? Who is Pauling once Mann Co is no more? Can she answer that?

References:

– A video that helped me better understand the Good Girl mask:

– "Lise Bourbeau's 5 soul wounds model: Injustice"

[yandere-sins]

i’m just gonna say this here because you’re super sweet to asks, and i was just thinking of this, but this is more as a personal preference kind of thing. was thinking how much i would actually hate a manipulative type yan, but they’re one of my favourites, because i think the appeal to yandere is almost the horror element, and that’s rarely pleasant, though maybe i’m just a masochist. i’m very authentic (i’ve tried a few times in my life to appear more appealing but the truth is i just don’t have that skill), i pretty much wear my heart on my sleeve, and that naturally puts most people off, actually, because i am pretty intense, for lack of a better term. due to this intensity, i like reading about someone who is potentially darker than me. but here, i think the worst type of person to be with would be someone who tries to ‘condition’ me, in some way—i’d hate that to my core, yet that’s very appealing to me in this genre. i read them because it makes me grit my teeth and want to scream and sometimes i actually, literally thrash around on my bed from frustration, and from the outside, if i were to describe how it makes me feel, it would sound like i don’t enjoy what i read, and… i almost don’t? i mean, i do, but it’s kind of like going on a rollercoaster, where the appeal is how scary it’s gonna be; the appeal is how much i dislike it on principle. for me, the genre kind of goes beyond “i’d love a person who would kill for me and love me obsessively” because that i feel like i’m just totally fine with, but that real fight against something i know is so deeply against who i am coming from someone who supposedly loves me entirely and unhealthily, that’s just thrilling to me, and upsetting, actually. it’s like oh, i want to fucking kill this guy right now, but it’s also this weird thing of, someone loves me in such a deep way, but also kind of wants to change me? lot of words here to not say much, forgive me, but the most fun i have with the genre is when it’s not fun. i don’t think any of this made sense, but while i’m here i want to ask, what do you think about what i said about a manipulative yan wanting to “change” their darling? as in, do you think that’s an accurate description? because how can someone love you if they want to change you? curious on your general opinion on that. i literally go feral over this shit, take tumblr away from me. i seek this stuff out and then get so angry and to anyone else it must seem like i’m torturing myself, and in a way, i kind of am. but it’s good. you’re very good at what you do here, really gets me immersed. this is a weird point but anger tends to exhaust me, so when i’m having trouble sleeping, sometimes i’ll read some of your stuff like that, and i’ll sleep like a fucking baby. woooo, we really don’t deserve you.

Not sure if you ever heard about it, but I've read before that the reason why many people, who are anxious or suffering with mental health problems, like True Crime so much is because the scenarios in our heads are oftentimes so frightening, that hearing about real, scary stories is actually helping us calm down.

If that is true, and I lean toward it being true, then that sounds like what you are doing reading yandere stories! Of course there is also the whole "being loved without restrictions" and "being chosen" aspect to it that many point out when talking about why they like yandere, but yeah.

No matter in which way, I am glad my stories help you understand yourself better and cope with stuff! Please be mindful about your consumption and take a breather when you feel like it's too much, but thanks for reading my stuff! ^^ ♥

[dreamerinsilico]

"Wow, I feel like shit because I predictably stayed up too late the night before going back to work," they said this morning. "I'll go to bed early tonight," they said this evening, not believing a word of it.

anyway, it's 2:19 and all I want to do is survival/chore sim

Steam has noted that I have played another 18 hours of Medieval Dynasty since my "Not Recommended" review, and asked me if I wished to revise it. :P The answer is no; I don't give "Recommended" reviews to games that are only really for a very tiny sliver of one of my gaming niches, even if I do actually have a lot of fun with them. Do I like this game? Yes, especially after I looked up a video tutorial for villager management, which is basically required; WOW the game does not tell you how any of that shit works... Would I rec it to anyone who has not played at least two Stardewlikes, and/or Valheim, and enjoyed those games immensely? No.

(Exception: if you tried Valheim and generally liked it a lot but got frustrated with the corpse runs, probably you will like this game.)

Would I rec it to Crusader Kings fans? Well, generally no, but if you also like don'tstarvelikes (yes I WILL keep coining these genre monikers) then sure. Because it is nothing at the fuck all like CK.

Anyway, it's a stupidly tedious town (not city)-builder sim with survival elements that seem brutal until the first time you die and find out you can respawn with all your inventory intact. I am a masochist who kind of perversely enjoys the memory of the 3+-hour repeated attempts to recover my corpse's inventory in Valheim on multiple occasions (what can I say, there's really nothing like doing your sixth naked viking corpse run in the plains and praying that you saved enough stamina to outrun the deathsquitos who will inevitably come for your ass. It feels epic?), but given the prevalence of quests in MD and how much of a pain in the fucking ass it is to acquire resources in the early game, I prefer the respawn mechanic.

Go for the Woodcutter's Hut (or whatever exactly it's called) basically first for villager-assignable buildings. They can make logs so much more efficiently than you can.

Also please only cut down maple trees unless you're in a very tight spot; they give you twice the logs of birch or spruce, no need to waste tool durability on the others.

[illiteraterabbit]

In The Lives of Puppets - TJ Klune

★★★★★ (5/5)

Date Started: 07 February 2024 Date Finished: 10 February 2024

Somewhere along the way, reading a TJ Klune book always seems to morph into some kind of self prescribed torture for me, one that I still return to gleefully time and time again like a crazed masochist. It seems like everything he writes is perfectly designed to make my cry my eyeballs out. Thankfully this one didn't get me as badly as Under the Whispering Door had. It took me days to recover from that read in particular, but never the less the last 40 pages of this book had me a sniveling mess for longer than I'd like to admit.

This book caught me by surprise. Despite having bought it the very day it released, it took me a long time to actually get around to reading it. The premise was just so different from the other two TJ Klune books I had read. It was an out there premise, and I am not much of a Pinocchio fan, so the idea of a retelling didn't inspire much in me regardless of how much I love Klune as an author. I was afraid I would enjoy it as much as I had The House in the Cerulean Sea or Under the Whispering Door...

And it IS different. But God, it's so good. The writing in general is great, of course. Simplistic when it needs to be, but still effective. Most of all though, this man knows how to write endearing characters like no one else. Nurse Ratched and Rambo will follow me forever, and don't even get me started on Victor and Hap. Klune's characters burrow so deep into your heart that all their emotions and flaws start to feel like your own, and that is what makes the story feel so impactful. This book is funny. It is sickeningly sweet. It has more meaning packed into it than I have brain cells to unpack, but that doesn't take away from it in the slightest. This book had me constantly calling my partner over so I could read sections out loud to them, because it was just so funny that I felt the undeniable urge to share it. The banter between characters feels so natural, even if they're all robots in a somewhat post-apocalyptic setting. Their world solidifies around you until it's too late, and you're caught up in all the drama right alongside these characters you've been giggling alongside for over 100 pages.

It aches - this book aches. In a fun and bizarre way that you don't expect it to. Or at least that I didn't expect it to. I loved it. I was enraptured by it.

The slow romance between Victor and Hap happens so naturally that it felt undeniable. It was beautiful. I really couldn't recommend this book any more intensely! It was such a delightful read. A unique book in every way.

I do wonder what it was originally supposed to be - it is mentioned in the author's note that this book changed a lot between the first draft and what was eventually published. While I am curious as to what came before it, I love what it ended up being.

Serious. What a good book.

[wildflowerteas]

Hiiii!! I am just one of the many people absolutely enamoured if not downright obsessed with your work!Just the authenticity of the storyline in 'when I awake', and how it completely altered my perspective on so many thematic concepts.and to also discover you were someone in the same age range really really made me admire you soooo much.I wish you luck in your life and whatever you do in general cuz you're a real gem 😊

I'll be honest, I don't make it a habit to interact with others online, preferring to just be a bystander, but I thought I'll just take the risk.If it's not too much of a bother I wanted to ask you: How do you find yourself able to write with consistency? To further elaborate my point, how do you write so much and keep that flow of words to continue on until the end?I wish to start writing as well, fanfic,personal writings etc., and I just can't seem to make progress after writing only one page,I feel like even with extensive planning and carefully organised notes I never seem to be able to produce a large body of work that encapsulates all my ideas.It's always just...one paragraph and then the initial meaning just loses itself.

Oh goodness,I wrote too much! I'll stop here I just thought maybe I can ask someone with first hand experience instead of just figuring out somehow.Hope you have great day and thank you so much once again!!!❤❤❤❤

Hii!!! Oh my gosh thank you so so much! I'm so glad to hear that my writing resonated with you, and that it was able to make your life a little bit brighter ( hopefully ) as a result. Thank you so much <3 This really made my day. First of all: This is absolutely not a bother, and I'm really really excited that you reached out! I love talking/interacting with people hehe and I'm more than happy to help!

This is a super good question. I don't really notice it in the moment ( when I'm writing ), but getting chapters out every week--with most being well into the 8-10k range--IS actually kind of insane. Not to mention WIA was 23 chapters, which is nearly six months of just writing and writing. I think a lot of that consistency had to do with my unhealthy obsession with the pairing, but also the fact that the writing became sort of . . . routine? I was always happy to do it, and very excited to sit down at my desk, crack my knuckles, and get started. It never really felt like I was slogging through it ( even though I would spend the better half of my Fridays-through-Sundays doing nothing but writing ). I think writing something you love will just be like that--exciting, and energizing--even if the writer's block hitting and editing can be very painful. That sounds a bit masochistic, but I really did enjoy the struggle at times. And ultimately, I came out of it a better writer than I was before. But something that really helped me write consistently was my desire to read the work when it was finished. Writing something you want to read means the only one you can blame when you have no ending is, well, yourself. And especially when it comes to fiction ( fanfic and personal works ), these stories are to be shared but ultimately they're for us. To satisfy a desire to tell, or to capture some part of our imagination, or to reason our way through feelings or thoughts. Now onto the next part of your question. Truthfully, when it comes to planning, notes, outlines--I'm one of the worst people to ask. However, I do have one thing that might be useful to you: I always, always, write with the ending in mind. I think even with little scenes, I'm looking ahead and asking myself "How does this get me to the place I want to go?" or "How does this shape the character into the kind of person I want them to be when the story is over?" That's not to say I don't write filler ( which I do--I love writing slow, nothing-really-happens scenes ), but when it comes to writing something full-length, the idea of having a set destination really makes the struggle of the journey ( in WIA's case, a journey of 230 thousand words ) feel a lot easier.

I also struggle with getting past the first page and even find outlines a little claustrophobic. Sometimes inspiration strikes randomly while I'm writing, and I'll betray my notes, go with the flow, and suddenly things like character relationships and even major plot-related scenes will be uprooted ( a lot of the well-loved and interesting scenes in WIA were 100% improv). I think falling into a committed relationship with your outline/notes can be a bit suffocating for creativity ( maybe for people like you and me ), while for others, it's a scaffold that helps them tell the story they want without wandering too far. It's about finding what works for you, rather than subscribing to a formula. It might be helpful to dip your toes into just writing and letting the story flow from your imagination first, and then when you have more than one page, creating an outline that is guided by the trajectory of what you've already written, rather than vice versa. Phew. You were apologizing for writing too much ( which you shouldn't, btw ) but I might be the one who has to say sorry! This was a lot, and I hope that at the very least, a tiny bit of it was helpful. Again, thank you so much for enjoying my writing, and for having the courage to reach out and ask. It sounds like you stepped a bit out of your comfort zone, and I really applaud you for that <3 I hope you're having a lovely day.

niko <3

[beigepillow]

I really like your blog. As someone who doesn’t have anyone else who reads this manga it’s really fun lol. I actually came across one of your asks about ryuuzaki and his relationship with Y and how people ship them and it got me thinking.

Honestly I have mixed feelings about R in regard to Y. I actually do think he cared about Y. That his feelings weren’t superficial. There’s a chapter in which he’s looking at Y as he stares out the window and there’s this look on his face that kind of hurts to see. I think he even thinks about wanting to protect him or save him. I think in a different manga I probably would have rooted for these two if the situation had been different or if D wasn’t there. I just think that anyone he slept with before D never really saw Y (though I think R did to an extent). And I also think they were used to keep Y trapped in that memory of his step father’s abuse by Y. (Like I know through a lot of the chapters he genuinely seems to enjoy the sex R included but there was always something just a little unsettling about them at least imo). I think R got the same mask that everyone else did thought I do think Y appreciated his friendship. (Though I’m not gonna lie I felt a little bad for R because sometimes it felt very much like a one sided love - idk if that makes sense??).

Ryuuzaki is a complicated character himself. He definitely cares for Yashiro and seems to be the only person who recognizes that Yashiro is not suited for the yakuza. Doumeki thinks Yashiro is beautiful and kind but for some reason doesn’t see how Yashiro is not meant for the yakuza. I don’t think Ryuuzaki truly loved Yashiro. Quite a few people have developed feelings for Yashiro but it is tough to tell if they actually have feelings for Yashiro or Yashiro’s mask. Maybe that’s why he can’t understand that people love him; he can’t tell if they love the real him or the hypersexual, masochistic facade. As for how Yashiro feels about him, I think Yashiro cared about him to an extent and showed him some loyalty but I am not sure if Yashiro saw him as a friend. I tend to think he saw him as an acquaintance he needs to look out for considering Yashiro didn’t really visit him in the years Ryuuzaki has been in jail so far. In the beginning, it did seem that Ryuuzaki was a better match for Yashiro. He didn’t seem like he wanted Yashiro to change for him like some think Doumeki wanted and they had the banter many people like. I am convinced that Ryuuzaki wouldn’t have desired monogamy as much as Doumeki does. But I think recent chapters do show that Yashiro does seem to want to be monogamous with Doumeki. If the story had been about Ryuuzaki and Yashiro, I don’t think it would be as emotional. And thank you for saying you enjoy my blog! I love talking about saezuru too and outside of this blog, I don’t have any opportunity to.

[lostrealities0]

Hello! Couple weeks ago you sent me an ask about my interests, and I indicated that I might do the same at some point. I have thought of some questions, so I'm going to ask you them. There is of course no pressure to answer them, and infodumping is welcomed and encouraged.

(1) Which Scientific Field is your favorite, and Why? (If none perhaps consider listing your least favorite and why)

(2) What is your favorite thing about each of the turtles? (tmnt turtles, not regular ones) Whether it be a physical trait, a behavior, a mental trait, something in common with you, etc.

(3) Do you perhaps currently have or in the past have had a fun hobby you'd care to infodump about or simply declare your interest in?

(4) [Very very very optional cuz I don't know what you're comfortable telling the internet] How's life treating you?

Have a Wonderful Day and/or Night!

Hi!! Sorry for taking a while, the past couple of days were pretty busy 😅 Thank you so much for the questions!

1. My favorite scientific field is biopsychology! I love learning about the nervous system and how the body works. I've always enjoyed psychology but actually knowing what is happening on the inside is fascinating to me. I like understanding what causes certain reactions. Even though emotions are often seen as an illogical thing, they actually can be quite logical.

2. I was going to answer for both Rottmnt and Mutant Mayhem (as those were the only versions I've seen), but decided that would be too long. Instead, you shall have my answers for Rottmnt.

Raph: Oooooh this is a hard one. I love everything about his design, especially his snaggletooth. However, I think my favorite thing about his is how gentle and sweet he is. Kind of a side note but I love how the portray him. He is an antithesis to toxic masculinity and they don't make it a big deal. All his hobbies and traits are treated like normal, because they are! I'm not great with words so I'm struggling a bit to translate my thoughts, but I hope that made sense.

Mikey: My favorite thing about him is easily his different personas. I love how blunt Dr Delicate Touch is, and the seminar with Dr Feelings? I was having a blast. I love how he finds ways to express different sides of him, while still being himself.

Donnie: ...Do I have to choose one? I love his personality, his design, his tech. Everything about him is my favorite. If I had to choose... My favorite aspects of him is his genuine laugh and how silly he can be. Two clips that replay in my head all the time is when he imitates Mrs. Cuddles and starts laughing, and when he yells "sad face emoji!"

Leo: I relate to him way to much. His insecurities, how he copes and presents himself....yeah this hits home pretty closely. I also love how confident he is. Yes, a portion of it is a facade, but I believe there is a lot that is genuine. I don't think I can choose something specific, so I will cheat and say that his personality is my favorite thing about him.

3. Somewhat recently, I acquired an interest in creating languages. As a kid, I loved codes and made a substitution cipher with it's own letters but I didn't think making an actual language was possible. However, about a year ago I came across an instagram reel about a girl who created her own language. This introduced me to conlang.

Since then, I've been working on a language on and off. While making a conlang doesn't necessarily have to be hard, I am a masochist (/j) and decided make things more difficult. For example, instead of staying with a base 10 system, my language has a base 13 system. There are different symbols in replace of capitals, each used in certain situations. I always make jokes about how complicated and hard it can be but in the end, I do have a lot of fun with it.

4. Big picture: life is pretty good. As you saw, I just graduated. I'm enrolled in my college classes for next year, two of which I'm really excited for. I also will be getting my license in a month after years of having my permit.

Little picture: I am very tired. I had family visit last week, which meant I had to be around people the whole time. I'm an introvert who has the house to himself for most of the day, everyday. Additionally, I don't like it when normal changes, especially when it's at home. As much as I love family, I always dread when they visit.

Everything is good now though :)

[kyogre-blue]

To celebrate (?) my doc for Disaster Class Hero reaching nearly 200 pages (and having to get split into two, so that it wouldn't lag as much), I finally started the novel.

I'm at only 10 chapters so far (2% completion, haha), but it's been an interesting comparison vis a vis the manhwa.

First, the most amusing points:

Lee Geon's personal characteristics include "masochist" which is not what I would have seen coming.

Hugo owns a bunch of vending machines that refuse to sell to you if your level is too low and your social score is not high enough. What does that even mean? What are you even doing....

The system has audio to accompany (?) the popups.

Hugo actually went into the Tower at one point, seems to be twelve years down the line. Sounds absolutely insane, considering the timeline (but of course my fanfic brain immediately went "but what if he did find Lee Geon back then")

I keep taking notes as I read, but tbh there's too much, so it would be inconvenient to post.

In a more general sense, I have some mixed feelings.

I want to make it clear that I am enjoying it on the whole, so the endless complaining below is just because I'm a negative person. Take all this with a grain of salt.

The biggest thing is that I find it kind of hard to tell sometimes what is supposed to be going on in terms of worldbuilding details. It feels like the author either wasn't bothering to keep track of things or else didn't convey it well. It's not the big stuff, but more like the entire logistics of what actually happened in the Tower, or what Lee Geon was or wasn't wearing, stuff like that. The manhwa isn't always great either, but it's both visual and just gives less details in general, so it feels less noticeable.

Second, the novel always refers to the "Twelve Zodiac Saints" as a collective, even though it's pretty obvious at times that whatever is being said only applies to some of them. It's just really jarring to know that, given their personalities, some saints were definitely not doing this stuff, but the novel still says "the twelve all did X."

Third, I do not super jive with how the novel presents Lee Geon in comparison to everyone else. They really emphasize how Lee Geon is literally the only useful one ever. He did everything, made everything, everyone else is just ripping off his ideas and deeds. The moment he's gone, the saints can't even win a single fight for three years straight. Given that he's not even a human per se, it really kinda grinds my gears that humanity is capable of so little, as a result.

Fourth, there's some hmm feelings about the pseudo politics going on, but nothing really concrete. I think it just feels a bit silly to make it so parallel (presumed) to the real world, because that opens you up to questions like what the heck is going with massive populations like India, Africa and Latin America, since they're not represented among the Saints at all, as far as I know.

Of course, these aren't really angles you're intended to think on. It's just that I am reading into them for no reason. The actual readthrough is going quite well.

[ssreeder]

WE’RE BACK IN BUSINESS BABYYYYYY

hi sreedie :3

fuck you sreedie no zukka cuddles >:(

but also… maybe not fuck you, it depends on what we DO get in this chapter… you’re on THIN ICE

on another note, I love jee <3

surely just like employ some of the kyoshi warriors to be dishwashers??

pls tell me why when rasu was like “I can sniff whatever I want” I immediately went COCAINE T-T

oh ?? jee what did you DO omg spill bestie

I KNEW jee was a slay, he’s also sus of iroh’s methods

LMAO jee wdym you “know that prince zuko was not into men” literally HOW would you know that information T-T

but anyways yes I’m loving that the hair touching is making a COMEBACK bc I absolutely adore how the fire nation views hair and all the glorious nuances that come with it ughhhhhh… now I’m mad again about shen being dead bc his reaction to the haircut sitch was ICONIC

YOOOOO JEE NOTICED IT TOO SREEDIE I THINK JEE MIGHT BE MY SOULMATE HE ALSO SAW HOW SOKKA HAS ABSORBED ZUKOS PERSONALITY TRAITS WHILE ZUKO IS OUT OF COMMISSION

not jee being offended about the perceived slight agains his cooking skills-

here come the iroh thoughts… I will add them at the end (or potentially in another ask??? I don’t want this to be more mammoth than usual)

OH SHIT OH NO OH FUCK OH ZUKO IS GONNA FIND OUT THAT JEE KILLED SHEN oh okay at least jee has some common sense !! good for him

LMAO not jee being a gossip queen (truly my soulmate, this is actually why we got divorced sreedie you can’t compare)

“dumpling boy” ohmygod obsessed

A TEABAG why is that fucking hilarious pls tell me you have some kind of fire nation lore behind that insult

the reading scene is so sweet ;-; and like I know from second hand experience that being read to when you can’t read yourself is a Huge Deal bc when my cousin had a major back operation our aunt read to her for HOURS daily and it literally bonded them so much. so like, very important scene sreedie you’ve got me in my feels (and I’m WAITING IMPATIENTLY for rasu and zuko to become besties again)

wow the “delivered” part is so gut wrenching. that’s really the tragedy of war isn’t it? everyone just becomes a pawn unless they’re one of the chess players themselves

LMAO not the kiddos getting into fisticuffs upstairs and disturbing one of the most politically tense conversations in the fic

OH SHIT HAKODA LETTERS OMG THE PLOT IS PLOTTING SREEDIE ITS PLOTTING

ohnooooooo stop I’m so fucking sad about hakoda and thinking katara was ignoring him on purpose STOP

ah fuck sokka trauma reveal xxxx

literally so siblings to have bled and shit on each other. something something I’ve had the worst parts of you inflicted on me but I have to love you anyway

sokka trauma time !!

damn baby’s first kill… forgot about the warden tbh

“everyone is always trying to kill zuko” so true bestie they should stop!! stop trying to kill zuko fr omg!! (read that like that one tweet where that white girl was telling isis to stop terrorism lmao)

“what sokka had experienced had layers” LIKE AN ONION please why am I unable to take anything seriously anymore it’s bad

CHANG CHANG CHANG CHANG is the chang bato ship called chato or bang OMG BANG THATS ICONIC love that we’re sticking with it

(in case it wasn’t already obvious I love chang btw)

lmao chang said end sexism in the grumpiest grouchiest way possible

ykw I’m a fan of?? the fact that hakoda has the brain to plan like sokka but the resources to plan like zuko and I think that it’s fucking hilarious

“speak for yourself I’m in fucking agony” I LOVE CHANG I DEDICATE MY LIFE TO CHANG I GIVE CHANG MY WHOLE HEART

ohohohoho sokka you are actually going to be CLOSER to zuko isn’t that dandy

omg eve ;-; our lovely forest lesbians ;-; that you MURDERED

NO ZUKKA CUDDLES BUT ZUKKA WAVE??!!?!?! call me a masochist but I’m enjoying this. anyways.

ZUKKA AND CHANG REUNION OMFG I WILL CRY especially zuko chang reunion ;-; (do Not get me started on my feelings on chang vs iroh) ((jokes I will be talking about in a soon to be sent ask))

also obsessed with sokka having active beef with jee and jee is just like… this kid needs therapy ~cue rbf~

YES MY BBYGORL AZULA READY TO FUCK SHIT UP (but yeah can she pls hold off for a tad longer thx sm <3)

okokok I’ll get onto my iroh thoughts now (in another ask.. bc uh.. this is Huge) but that’s gonna take a hot minute bc I have to become Coherent.

also no longer sick!! for now. (I probably should’ve gone to see a dr much sooner anyways but too late now ig)

HUGS KISSES AND A DRAMATIC HAIR FLIP TO BID YOU FAREWELL <333

*dances on thin ice*

OLLLOOOOO LEEKIE

Yes Jee offend the group of women warriors by asking them to come wash dishes hahaha…. Nice one leekie!

Jee sailed on a ship with Zuko for 3 years… & during that time his gaydar must have broken (I feel like we can blame Zuko for breaking it somehow)

Oh iroh…. You silly silly man <3

I think rasu reading to Zuko meant a lot to him so hopefully baby steps in the right direction ;)

Hahaha it’s ok the onion joke & the sand joke legit never stop…. Damn it media for influencing words so much.

Haha Chang iroh interaction is something I’m looking forward to. It’ll be INTERESTING ;;);)

Ok leekie I’m sorry I know I said I would respond yesterday but I’m a horrible person and this is why we’re divorced! GLAD YOURE NOT SICK ANYMORE WOHOOOO

*sprinkles germs in your food*

[lewdladylily]

Hiya, how have the holidays been for you? We had pork ribs/belly, angeldicks (sausages :P), mashed potatoes +more on xmas eve and it was delicious! Newyears eve was turkey day, I'm so stuffed and for once it's food and not by toys or dicks xD Glad we have the cabin to go to so Em and the kitten don't have to be freaked out by the fireworks. -Anna

The holidays have been pretty good. Some nice family events, it was a lot of fun watching my daughter open presents. Exhausting though, my daughter hasn't been the easiest lately. And fewer opportunities to do lewd things while she is on winter break is disappointing of course. But things are generally going well.

There is one fun thing I've been able to do somewhat consistently over the holidays. I don't know how much I've talked about it on here, but Raven has been training me in endurance walking while wearing high heels, with the basic goal of working me up to pony boots. The idea is it helps me get in my regular exercise and lets us indulge in one of our favorite kinks, pony play. I started back in October I think, using some ankle boots with a block heel that was fairly high. I've been walking in place, its the most practical thing right now, but I would love to get a treadmill for this someday. Maybe I will if I keep this up long enough, prove it wont be a waste of money. For the time being I am using a metronome to keep me on pace and a timer.

Anyway, I was becoming pretty expert in walking in heels like that, so mistress decided it was time for a step up in difficulty and bought me some thigh high boots with a 6" spike heel for Christmas.

I love my new boots so much. The feel so good to wear, nice and tight with some resistance when I bend my knee without hindering movement, and they are a lot of fun to walk in. I was pleased to find that my experience with easier heels transferred quite well to these boots and I could easily walk around short distances from the start, but they are significantly harder in terms of endurance. It's the balance. Not that I feel like I am going to fall over, but keeping your balance is a full body effort. You have to keep disciplined, not letting yourself tilt or let your posture get too bad, and you have to step straight and distribute your weight correctly because the heel barely helps with any of that.

The result is that before with my ankle boots it was fun, but this really feels like pony play training. I've always loved pony play kink, and one of my favorite fantasies involving it is being made to walk until I am too exhausted to continue, then fucked to orgasm (or excessive edging, depending on how masochistic I am feeling) while dead exhausted, dripping in sweat, and unable to resist even if I wanted to. Pony training with these boots plus edging during my breaks and after my training is finished has been an excellent approximation of that fantasy.

Hopefully at some point I can upgrade to true pony boots, but even then I am sure I'll be enjoying these boots regularly.

I'm actually just about to go do a training session now, boots on and everything, just decided I should answer this before I did.

Oh, and I am sure some people are wondering so I might as well say it here, I'm still in denial from last time I reported it I believe, with my last real orgasm back on September 15, and my last ruin on October 11th. I don't anticipate my next orgasm being all that soon either, we've just not had enough time to do things so I've not been worked up into the kind of horny mess Mistress likes me to be. Hopefully we can change that soon :)

Thank you for the ask!

[abyssal-hellcat]

Authors VS Readers Assholery

So, this isn't the first time someone I know has been the victim of some reader assholery.

The assholery going from ships, their views on certain topics to their desires regarding what they want to see in fic. Whatever the reason, it's assholery because of one simple fact: Fanfictions are free.

People we know or don’t know took the time to write something and, at one point, they decided to share their writing for their own reasons. These reasons are irrelevant btw and only for them. The matter of the fact is that they share their work. They put themselves on the line. For FREE.

Where am I going with this?

It’s simple. We are enjoying stories that don't cost us a dime. The time we spend reading these stories is entirely on us and us alone. We choose to read this or that fic. If we don't enjoy it and keep reading, it’s on us alone. Again. (Problems with tagging is another matter, I often rage about that too. But, even then, sometimes even that's on me as well because I’m not always careful enough or I take a risk despite the clear “Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings” tag, in which case it's my own damn fault, really. Anyway!)

Authors have their ideas, their plot, or the absence of it, they will do what they want. We are just fortunate enough to be able to enjoy the ride with them. Our expectations are our own too. Some authors will ask for our input, while others won’t. It’s about damn time we respect their wishes on the matter.

Are you disappointed? Did you want the plot, the ship, or whatever you rage about to go in another direction? You simply don’t like what you read? Smash the damn back button and leave authors be. And if you are a masochist and keep reading, that’s on you. Don’t take it on the author. Write your goddamn fic and if you’re not a writer, keep your opinion to yourself and stop being an entitled little shit.

I can no longer count how many authors I've personally seen stop writing because of these kinds of readers. I've seen it start with comments that make authors upset, furious or insecure and in some cases I've seen them end in actual hate campaigns, cyberstalking and the likes, just because that one asshole reader couldn’t handle being called out by the author for being shitty.

If you’re the kind of reader I'm talking about, I don’t care what your reasons are for doing so. Nor the moral cause behind it either (because I’m pretty sure that you will try to justify yourself about it).

I. Don’t. Care.

You’re causing authors to stop writing, you’re depriving us of content for our FREE hobby and you’re forgetting that these authors are people too.

I’m sure this post will receive some general “Hell yeah”-sentiments from people who think like me. I’m also pretty sure that if you’re the kind of reader I’m calling out, you’ll be infuriated. But, if you’re amongst those readers, I can only hope that the next time you’re about to be an asshole, you will stop to think and push the back button before you make an ass of yourself.

[gooboogy]

alrighty i don't rly know what to say so here's a bunch of random questions

1) what is your fave song of yours at the moment

2) have you watched walten files? orrr mandela catalogue? idk both have a kinda horror podcast vibe iykyk

3) mandatory question vampires vs werewolves, feel free to elaborate :3

4) im not sure if it was stated before but whats your favourite/most relatable Fear?

also taking the opportunity to say your art (talking about both pictures and music) is super cool and you're a very inspiring person in general!! hope you have good time tonight and get many interesting asks

(sorry for the colourful text lmao l just found out you could do that and it seems fun to me)

Giggles this is a delightful ask (full of delightful colors!! That really is fun)

1. Fav song at the moment idk if this counts but the wellness session music from Severence is crazy good and I've been listening to it on repeat. The other one at the moment is Movies by Weyes Blood (that I am actually about to make a music Monday post for!)

2. I haven't seen the Walten Files but I have seen a bit of the Mandela Catalogue which what I saw was very good and also very scary lol the eyes thing freaks me out a bit, gives me kind of a palinopsia where I can't get it out of my head so I haven't seen much of it

3. Both good for their own reasons, both I especially enjoy the "sire" aspect and I do really appreciate the predatory nature of both, among other things. Though I always pick werewolves at the end bc 1 nothing can beat the knot and 2 Big Doggies!! They are big silly doggey guys who can eviscerate you to shreds and I looovvee that. Get you a woofer who can hunt you down and is also a big cuddly doofus

4. For TMA this is a toughie bc Eye is really appealing I mean heck I get real curious by stuff to my own detriment (see: my curiosity for what TMA was about and ending up terribly disappointed when I finished it) and just the inherent Eye nature of the audience. Meanwhile Slaughter really speaks to me, along with Flesh (see: my meat posting tag) and also Spiral. I was scared for the longest time of being crazy but I'm now a lot more at peace with my crazy lol (however when it comes to trusting myself or even knowing myself... haha .. lol even) but okay back to Slaughter and Flesh. Slaughter bc I get that fun "very often triggered by very normal and mundane things" disease so I find myself wanting to go ape shit all the time. A little "can I kill your dad and also that loud noise" in these trying times. And Flesh? Partially bc I can be a bit of a masochist and I also just heavily subscribe to the idea of how our Meat Suits are what makes us "present." Like for a while I struggled with my identity and who am I when I'm present and what does that even mean to begin with. In the end I think it's what's going on with your meat and in your meat space, and I find a lot of grounding and meaning in that. (Heh, ground meat) You are who's experiencing the Meat

And thank you!! That makes me happy to hear that I'm inspiring in any way. I am always trying to inspire myself to do the things I wanna do so I'm glad I can spread that around to others too. Thank you for the kick ass ask!

[patriciavetinari]

if you have time, for the flower ask thing:

sage ⇢ what ‘medium’ of art (poetry, music, fiction, paintings, statues etc.) is the most touching to you? why do you think that is?

nutmeg ⇢ how’s your room/home decorated? do you have a specific theme or style going on?

taro ⇢ if someone called you right now to catch up, what’re the things you’d tell them about?

Sage:

I would say writing. I just enjoy the way stories and even just sentences can be crafted into anything, really, like clay. You can have your laughs and your tears and obliterate someone in one sentence and put a thought into words that becomes a beacon of a slogan. It's all of it. The power of storytelling, and recording and preservation of human life in memory, and propaganda and entertainment. Language and linguistincs and all of that included.

Nutmeg:

Oh that's a painpoint (interior design I mean, BUT not the triggering kind, it just makes my heart bleed for not having a dwelling of my own for me to decorate as I please) but you are actually welcome to hit that painpoint at any time, I like talking interiors. I even contemplate going to study interior design sometimes but my adhd brain goes "i fucking dare you sign up for a commitment, just you fucking try, i'm gonna cure cancer before i let you do consistent studies on one topic".

Anyway, sorry about this.

I rent a room where I'm not allowed to put nails in a wall or paint or change the furniture (i'm going to try and sell the landlady on the idea of changing up the bed but I don't think it'll fly).

So I just have a few nice things that I couldn't help owning just so I can have a little joy in the bland space. I have a botanical pomegranate poster on the wall, a reproduction of Rembrandt's night watch, a little furry rug beside bed. A lamp from ikea that sort of imitates old kerosene lamps. I really like my bedding, through the ugly bedframe makes things worse but as I said, it's not up to me at this time.

Speaking of style, I sometimes salivate over interiors on pinterest or something but that's masochistic because I get too sad about my situation and little hope for a mortgage. My taste has been all over the place lately but I seem to want to come back to Old Stuff, but like, middle to lower class old stuff. So nothing opulent, but like and interior from traditional sherlock holmes movies, maybe with a few more romantic touches like floral wallpaper and such. It's a beloved though painful masochistic topic for me because I love fantasizing about an ideal interior but the pain of No House is painful.

Taro:

If someone called to catch up it would depend how far back was the previous call, but I would tell them that I've just completed a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle, went to the drama class recently, changed job titles also fairly recently, am suffering from this sudden heat. There's not much going on in my life, but I also build a nice estate in Valheim last weekend. So that's something.

Thanks for asking!! 🌹

[convenientalias]

My 2022 Kdrama Roundup

Making my 2022 cdrama roundup is taking too long (...I watched so many fuckign cdramas this year) so, since I watched considerably less kdramas, I decided to just do a post of them first!

KDRAMAS I FINISHED THIS YEAR:

The King's Affection--A kdrama targeting me personally. A crossdressing female crown prince would have been enough, but did she have to be so lethal? So handsome? Did she have to be good at both archery and swordfighting? And schemey? And did her love interest have to be a bisexual Rowoon? I was Attacked. My favorite kdrama of this year!

Eve--I'm always here for a solid Monte Cristo. Just people coming back with a new identity to fuck up the lives of those who wronged them. Lee Ra-el really goes for it. The drama, the angst, the fashion! Also the femslashy tension with Han So-ra was great, I need more female archnemeses in my life. The only thing is I didn't really like the actual romance that much? Maybe I just don't understand the tango.

Alice, the Final Weapon--More of a miniseries. The dynamic is a female assassin/a kind of suicidal masochist who becomes more invested in life after meeting her. And they're both highschoolers? Honestly the only way to sell me on a teenage romance is to make it this insane, I did enjoy.

The Silent Sea--Ngl it did creep me out a lot. The lunar water, that is. Didn't feel super connected in the characters bc this show is more about plot, concept, and action than character development, but it was quite tense and I was certainly invested in whether they were going to survive.

KDRAMAS I ALMOST FINISHED BUT DID NOT BUT WILL FINISH IN 2023, OKAY? REALLY!

Alchemy of Souls--I love Naksu/Mudeok! I love her fucked up mentorship with Jang Uk, especially in the early episodes where her attitude is just "throw him at death and see what happens". Also enjoy the obnoxious crown prince lols. I have only two episodes left (of the first season, at least) and have enjoyed both the scheming and the character development, but I have to say it can sometimes be a bit slow, and I don't care that much about ALL the supporting characters that have to have their moment in the limelight EVERY episode. (Park Jin and Park Dang-gu, I'm looking at you!)

Flower of Evil--New obsession! I had to stop watching for a week or so bc I was just bingeing too fast and losing sleep lols. The suspense is way up there, the whump is a thing of beauty, and I found myself super invested in Do Hyeon-su's life of fake (but come on, it's not really fake!) domestic bliss. Just so intense. I was kind of scared off by the hype for this show when it first came out but the hype is real, this show is incredible. Just hope the ending lives up to the rest of it.

Connect--An enjoyable thriller, but I don't really see why you have to make the antagonist of a show that already has organ traffickers, mad science and mutants... a random serial killer? On the other hand I do love his weird vibe with the surprisingly normal mutant MC so. I am not immune to serial killer antagonists.

OVERALL

A good year for morally dubious female protagonists (yes, I am including Lee Hwi/Dam-yi! she comes very close to murder multiple times and I am including her!). I watched less kdrama thrillers than usual bc I was watching cdrama thrillers instead, but the ones I watched were enjoyable. I want more fanfic for all of these shows but the fanfic wants I have are immensely specific so I should probably just write some but we will see.

[undercat-overdog]

So I’m rereading A Long-Expected Climax and I was wondering about the revenge for Celebrimbor manipulating Annatar into re-enacting torture scenes in bed part. Like he literally gets him to pretend as though they are the One Ring Sauron torturing Celebrimbor into revealing the location of the rings, as in the past? Is it some kind of weird quasi-revenge on Celebrimbor’s part or does he actually really get off on it?

I don’t think they reenact actual scenes that happened in their past, no, rather some generic “captive and dark lord” ones, neither of them playing their past selves exactly but rather a more idealized roleplay form. It also took them quite a while to get to that point and involved some very poorly negotiated scenes, including ones that Sauron stopped mid-scene because he just could not and ones that Celebrimbor tried to power through because he’d decided he wanted it and a minor panic attack is no reason to stop (I’m half-thinking of writing that - I have a bunch of Bones-adjacent smutty side-stories). But while my Celebrimbor is a masochist and gets off on both the sensations and the roleplay, he enjoys the quasi-revenge aspect a lot too. (He’s also purchased one of the sexier St Sebastian-style paintings or statues of his own martyrdom and displays it in a prominent place in their house.)

(Need more Elven roleplay generally! @i-am-a-lonely-visitor is doing great work in this area that everyone should read and there is so much potential.)

Thank you for the ask!!