#i am a lesbian so i kinda suck at helping w this stuff even for other lesbians 😭

[radfemfessing]

I'm finding it hard to accept being bi. Idk why I hate it so much. I would rather be straight or lesbian.

☃️

[after-nine-at-the-oasis]

I watched the The Rookie Season 6 premiere!!

I started it last night and finished it this morning and just OAUGH it was so good :D

I expected them to not figure it out for a while but I low-key love the way they did it. Because it shows that they (the characters) aren't dumb and gives some action but still keeps a huge mystery to it. Theory wise, I keep thinking of the Dream (nightmare) Team (Elijah and Oscar) but it's been like a half season so I don't think it's time to bring them back yet. Idk tho, we'll see what happens!

Also Lucy is going through it xD like genuinely she is and :(( but everyone (even Wesley xD) knowing about the clown thing was just HILARIOUS lol

Also after Tim said "maybe she just had a fight with her girlfriend" I was like "oh cool we're casually using a gay example- he's talking about him" soo as I said at the time, diversity win! The random person you're projecting your problems onto is a lesbian through you <3.

Anyway xD lowkey, I get both their sides, but I'm lowkey on Tim's lol. I do get being stressed out and just wanting support though, totally, I just think Lucy's going to realize she needs to talk it out with him

Also I'm glad for their development! I'm also kind of glad Tim's not the "instigator" (there's not really one but yk) of the fight since he's been the "mean one" a lot lol. Anyway I hope my babeys work it out (soon - I figure they will eventually) :((

Also this makes it seem like I love chenford and barely about wopez and I do love them but HUGAOAPGHY BABEYS I GOT THEM BACK <3333

Not much but I did :'D

Talking about wopez by the way lol

Also HALLELUJAH AARON SURVIVED!! HE'S OKAY :'DDD!! P H E W :'D 🥳🥳🥳🎉🎊😌🥰.

Thank goodness lol

Also :(( that he wants to help catch the guys that almost killed him but can't - probably for the best though :/. Just don't let it get pent up in any way xd. Also please don't date your therapist or have any kinda funky relationship with her lol.

Also aaahhhhHHH Bailey and Nolan (John just wasn't right) are getting married :D. I'm glad everything ended up working out (for now lol, that promo is scaring me xD I figure it'll be fine but just once I want an uninterrupted wedding, in anything, but especially The Rookie lol) <333. They're adorable 🥰. Also am I crazy or was that Mr. Kevin Kozner as the neighbor guy? At first I thought it was then wasn't then wasn't sure so I figure not but I don't know xD

Also poor Harper :(( I know she'll get through it but it just sucks. And it sucks that she can't talk to James about it (like not legally but emotionally lol), though I do like that they have differing opinions on stuff. It's nice to have couples that don't have all the same views, you know?

Anyway!! I didn't mention them but Celina and Gray are slaying as always <3. And for Celina (and everyone)'s sake I hope we catch this guys soon (but not too soon ;) - I love me some drama)

Also reminder that I love Wesley with my whole soul, thank you <3.

So excited for this season!! Especially the 100th episode, it's so great that they get one :D. I think both of those are gonna be really good and I'm just so looking forward to it :D!! This was an amazing episode, lots of good stuff all around, and I'm so excited for the next one :D. The promo looks wild (also AAAHHHHHH THE WEDDING!!! :DD) but so good and I'm looking forward to it :D 🥰.

This is gonna be a great season :))!!

See y'all later!! ❤️🥰

[our-lesbian-experience]

I suggested inviting a newer male friend (who I’m worried may be kinda into me because he looks at me a lot — I have good peripheral vision and in the environment we’re usually sitting where I can see him — and like always helps me and it’s kinda just a vibe mixed with those things) to the movies if my original friend I invited couldn’t make it and my mom reacted like. like “ohhhhhhh okay” like. Like it was romantic. And I’ve told her I’m not into him. And I was so so uncomfortable by this and it made me kinda anxious and like not wanna invite him anymore because it seems too flirtatious. And I feel like in the past (I’ve had stuff like this happen a lot) I would have thought oh no am I into him because of that reaction but since learning more about comphet…I think it might just be comphet. Which is scary as hell tbh because have I not been attracted to guys this whole time??? On the other hand if i haven’t and I do like girls and the possibility of me being a lesbian gets easier and less heavy on my shoulders (I’m hoping so hard it’ll be like how when I first came out of religion it sucked but now I’m very much at peace with it and glad overall) it’ll be kinda reliving I’m not. Idk. Someone who gets feelings and then backs out because I’m scared of commitment. I’ve always worried I’m like that. I’m starting to think maybe I have a reason (and also…those aren’t Feelings)

My mom has shipped me with my male friends all my life, and while I would have had it anyway probably, I think it really hasn’t helped the comphet. I can think of three examples — all boys — that she liked for me when I was 5 💀 and I didn’t reallyyyy mind it but if I told her it made me uncomfortable she kept doing it

At one point when I was twelve or so she kept mentioning this one boy I played games with pretty often and I told her (not angrily, but sorta passionately? ) to stop because that made me uncomfortable and it’s weird and she asked if I thought it was weird for the boy too (he would not have known my mom shipped us but his mom did) and I said yeah probably (although idk if he did — I found out shortly thereafter he had a crush on me and then I started talking to him significantly less and even missed his birthday party, even though I had been to every one since we met prior to that point, because it made me really anxious. And I thought maybe that was attraction. And I was bad for avoiding it.)

now that I’m allowing myself to maybe not be into men im more and more thjnkng j might not be. which is only making the shipping weirder, because like. you (my mom) migjttttt be missing a piece of the puzzle here

it really is wierd thi that the more I allow myself to be removed from being attracted to men the more I realize…idk if I even wanna date one? anyways yeah sorry this is all over the place I was kinda just wondering if you could relate or had any advice? and i’m sorry it got so long.

the comphet realization rollercoaster is so real. and the mom thing too, I still haven't come out to my mom and sometimes she brings up my "crushes" from when I was really little and it makes me uncomfortable but idk what to do :/

I can't really help you about the mom part but i can try to help w the comphet! try to do some introspection on what happens/happened when you feel attracted towards a man (like are you just attracted and notice or do you see a man, think that he is objectively attractive, and decide you're attracted? That might be a little 'severe' for the lack of a better word but it's kind of how I experienced it)

Also hypothetical scenarios are helpful. idk how old you are or if you've had a relationship yet so i'm just going to assume you haven't for the sake of simplicity. When I imagine a relationship with a woman, it's a lot different than imagining a relationship with a man. Sapphic relationships feel more real and something about it just feels more right. when i imagine being in a relationship with a man, it feels very theoretical and out of place, almost as if i'm imagining a caricature of myself or me in an alternate reality. Trying to imagine relationships with different genders can def help with figuring out if you'd want a relationship with a certain gender

[eva-does-its-best]

Wtf is my sexuality

I guess sexuality started when I was 13 and saw my first porn movie. Though a year later I did get very euphoric when trying on woman's clothes and euphoria causes sexual joy too a lot of times which is ok.

I was fed basic porn, cishet, and I was still very much a genderless kid that didn't know anything about the world, so that was it. Later on I did explore more once I got internet and a smartphone (before the smartphone I kid you not I played hentai games on the internet explorer of my Wii), but the content, even when it was stuff like monsterfuck was still 100% cishet.

When I discovered I was trans I didn't know how to apply that to my sexuality, a couple times I shoved tampons up my ass, and I was capable of sucking myself, but I was a teenager so being weird made me feel cringe and I stopped, it was as if I was still heterosexual despite being a girl, and I very much was treated like that despite being accepted as a girl online.

Even when I finally got a girlfriend in real life I was so detached from myself, so dysphoric, dissociated, depressed and closeted that I did not feel like a lesbian. She treated me correctly, didn't misgender me, though she did treat my genitals very negatively so that hurt a lot over time.

We couldn't have penetration sex because we learnt the bad way that her fluids made condoms break. That made it feel a bit less like straight sex I guess but I still felt like I was pushed into a man role and in a very negative light.

The only time I remember feeling more like a lesbian was when she started acting like an egg, constantly saying "I wish I had a dick to fuck you", we did end up getting a vibrator, couldn't afford a strap, but again, now it felt straight again because our roles were simply reversed.

It wasn't until recently, being more open about being trans, being more active in my own body and life, that I started trying to label my sexuality.

A lesbian, surely, because I liked women. But did I like cis women only? I can't recall.

Oh wait, I have a crush on a trans man? I am a lesbian, surely that is just internalized transphobia, I don't want to disrespect this dude by liking his feminine traits.

The fact I was still sexually traumatized by events caused by my ex didn't help. But once I realized how my ex abused me, all the while I was starting to get actively harassed by terfs, it caused me to distrust and be scared of cis women, still am.

... then my sexuality got kinda fixed by tumblr. It confirmed that I was in fact attracted to trans women, it made me at least be less afraid of gnc cis women though still afraid of the other cis women. It made me realize I did in fact like trans men and it wasn't wrong. It made me start thinking about non-binary people and intersex people and trying to decide how they fit into my attraction.

I got called cisphobic by other trans people, it hurt. I didn't know how to express it other than "trans people look... more genuine, more real". I cannot deny they preassured me a lot, into trying to date cis men, into calling myself bi or pan... they were very mad when I talked about lesboys and about feeling that a relation between me and a trans man would not feel straight to me, but I responded with anger, as they were basically trying to make me feel like something I wasn't, to feel something I didn't feel, and so aside from cisphobic they accused me of being transphobic and of having/promoting internalized transphobia.

These past months have been a journey, and I am still confused as fuck by my own sexuality, but definetly transition + the inclusivity of tumblr have had such a positive influence in me, I am very thankful.

Once my hormone dose was upped I had a month long super huge manic episode that boosted my libido immensely, I discovered a lot through that, but it didn't last.

Lesbian, t4t, queer, lesboy and many more labels have been taking turns in my mind and bio. I still don't quite feel any of them fully, I don't even understand what I am supposed to feel. Maybe I won't know until I have a partner(s), but I'm afraid of it feeling like the last one, after all I've gone back to dissociating a lot.

I'm trying to have better boundaries, I have openly talked about how I still felt I was put in the man role and how I would try to respect my own wants and needs instead of just pleasing others. I'm trying to heal, and the people around me have been really helpful and respectful, but the road is very long, I need to be patient with myself.

I wish this story had a definitive end, but it's open ended, I have yet to know what to do about my sexuality, what to call it when people ask, how to live it. And truth is I still haven't had a single sexual experience that has actually made me feel feminine, and that wound will remain open for a long time.

I've been daydreaming lately about handholding another non-binary person while walking down the street, I guess my brain is like "we're non-binary now so we feel better and safer with people like us", I don't listen to that reasoning, don't worry, but it would definetly feel nice and would be a great start.

So anyway, this kinky slut is still very much learning and recovering, it is what it is. I'll be glad to keep on changing and rediscovering with you all. May the queer be with you!

Very long post about the context of my relationships in case it is relevant.

[mxbitters]

when you’re doing your cyberpunk thing and you see a hot intimidating punk guy and youre like well fuck now i gotta find a way to make my character hate him so we can push those emotions out of the way and your gm (conveniently also your best friend) decides to have the guy come over to your gay ass and suddenly oh by the way we know each other, were part of some weird johnny silverhand centered anarcho-punk gang (i mean vibes) but also hey guess what my character also apparently has some really weird commitment issues surrounding getting a cybernetic arm like literally everyone else and also they just have this quite fascinating dynamic that’s like confusing but in a hold on a second is this man a comrade or a lover or......perhaps...........both

[matoitech]

hello u dont have to answer this if u dont want, but ur situation with gender is scarily similar to where im at except im in the mindset that im nb wlw and dont rlly kno whats going on. I guess if u kno how to explain it, I wanted to ask how u made that jump or how u could tell it isnt just a "womanhood is like that" kind of thing and is actually "i am a guy"

oh man i wish i had smth that would make it Click for u easier cuz i def understand being rly confused abt this kinda thing.. i got a few Thoughts, idk if they will help u out but hopefully they give u some more thoughts to chew on that will maybe help anyway. this got so long oh hell sorry gbfhg

i think like the main thing as like a tip b4 we get in2 the Meat of it is it is good to relax and b open to thinking abt bein a guy as a possibility, i dont know if this will make sense bc i do not know how to explain it rly but when i was struggling 2 figure stuff out what i had rly needed 2 know was that being a dif gender can just feel like You (but as u become more comfortable w it, you but happier!) for some reason i thought u had to meet certain criteria to b ‘allowed’ to make what seemed 2 me at the time a Leap but thats not how it works lol. u as u r right now can b a guy if u want to or r considering it. u dont have to feel different and u dont have to think abt ur body a different way or anything. sry if this part doesnt make sense its difficult for me to verbalize lol

it was hard for me personally bc ppl would b like ‘if u Want to b a dif gender than b one’ but like i said in those last posts, for a long time i genuinely did not know i Wanted to be a guy/was a guy, or whatever. i had no conscious longing about it or anything, that came later once i was more comfortable w accepting it. i didnt have ‘i want to be a boy/am a boy’ moments i can rly consciously remember putting into those words as a kid, cuz i just did not care about gender on that level till i was a teenager. like i cannot stress this enough, ur life and feelings abt gender n whatever do not have to match up with what u have commonly heard the trans experience is about. once u figure stuff out and r more comfortable w urself u may look back and notice things that may b like that common trans experience, but remembering this stuff or having these childhood experiences or whatever in the first place is not a ‘requirement’. like i said, no requirements for bein a dif gender

for me like.. knowing it for sure... making the Jump as it were. like its kinda embarrassing but literally the way i Found Out was i was feeling all sorts of things whenever i watched promare and i just felt this INTENSE longing whenever i saw galo that i later realized was just me rly feeling the Gender w him and being envious of that.. it had happened w other chars b4 growing up, but i had never rly noticed to that extent till now. and one night i was thinking my usual ‘i wish i looked like galo i wish i could be a guy’ maybe for the first time in like a Conscious thought, when i had never rly heard it in words b4, and i kinda stopped and was like. what? i WHAT? and then it clicked and it was like a euphoric moment for me. easily top 5 best 2 ams of my life. it is kind of a hyperspecific experience but it is also not UNCOMMON rly lol

also figuring out my sexuality was intertwined in that bc i was iding as a butch nonbinary lesbian and i had tossed the idea of ‘maybe id b more comfortable as a man’ around a bit but the idea of being a straight man didnt feel right 2 me, but luckily i kind of made the connection of wait im a man and im attracted to men at like the exact same time, it had to b both at once for me personally to figure it out and b happy about it. idk if thats smth going thru ur head at all but it was for me and was part of my Journey i guess and may help to think abt it a bit lol

and while yes its absolutely about what makes u more comfortable at the end of the day, i think it wouldve helped for me to hear ppl say that just bc the idea of being a dif gender (in this case Man) might make u feel confused and maybe even uncomfortable rn, that doesnt necessarily mean u r not one if youve been struggling w this and wondering, it might just mean u havent had that clicky moment and r ready to rly think abt it yet. i have grown much more comfortable w myself over time as ive figured this stuff out and i am still open to figuring out more abt myself and i think thats a good place to b at! just b open to stuff like this that u maybe had never thought would have a positive effect on you or make you happier.

speaking from experience i think if ur confused and maybe even miserable telling urself that womanhood is just like that and u gotta suck it up and get used to feeling uncomfortable and bad, u dont have to live like that! im not saying that ‘oh im actually a guy’ is gonna b what everyone who is struggling w thats answer is cuz obviously thats not true- and im not saying how i just described it is even how u feel- but like. as someone who thought that same thing but less consciously. womanhood does not have to be a confusing sad experience, its not an inherently miserable experience, it is possible it just isnt for you and trying smth else might make u feel better. and that can b rly hard to figure out in the moment, cuz ur Used to feeling like this and even if youve heard it can b different it might b hard to have that ‘oh theyre talking to ME, it can be different for ME not just everyone else’ moment lol

also i dont know if this is relevant to u but im saying it in general 2 anyone who needs it i guess; being a man isnt a bad thing and it doesnt make u an inherently bad person, manhood and masculinity r not inherently or naturally toxic or something. thats a harmful mindset to have for multiple reasons and a whole nother post so im not gonna b like and now a word about transphobic red flags but like, worth mentioning that that can b harmful or dangerous to trans ppl, transmascs and transfems.

my god this got rly long... if anyone else has went thru a similar thing and has anything 2 add, feel free to :0 hope i somehow got around to answering ur question w all the rambling! i am just one guy and my experience may or may not b helpful to hear about, especially bc my memory is not the best lol <3 hope it helped at all tho!

[bionicdragonguardian1]

Ranma 2/4

Yup... I’m doing it... yes this how I plan, shut up

Part One: Chapters 1-12

Genderfluid Ranma Saotome

Bisexual Akane Tendo

BAMF!Akane if it kills me

More modern America take on LGBTQIA+ themes

Bisexual Ryoga Hibiki

Fuck the Kunos

Full Series AU because I am a fool who doesn’t know restraint

Magic Rules are a thing

I am actually going to keep a consistent timeline if it kills me

I have a PLAN

Very Minor changes to the actual plot cuz economics

Bad Parenting is addressed

Harassment is Addressed

I will make them acknowledge Physics/Medical because I’m an asshole

Pulling from both the Anime and the Manga

Still working through the Manga as I plot

Friendly reminder that Genma is crap

Friendly reminder that Nodoka is crazy

Poor Mousse

Soun Tendo TRIES really hard but grief fucking sucks

Nabiki is morally grey

Toxic Shampoo

Kasumi gets Character Development or so help me

polyship cuz surprises

I promise I do love this anime

I’m just stunned that so many people didn’t get a lot of character development

Actual fucking ENDING

I do actually hate Shampoo tho

I watch dubs

Ranma slowly starts using they/them pronouns vs switching

Ranma wears a bra, fuck you

Yes I’m using 2020 LGBT stuff BUT I will keep the tech as close to the 90s as I can (tho fair warning I was BORN in the 90s)

Toxic Masculinity addressed (yes I mean Ranma’s)

Ranma is awkward as hell

bc that’s what happens when you isolate a child, Genma!

Also, they spent closer to 1-2 months in China bc of how many things happen while they’re there

Homophobic/Transphobic Language

Ranma uses Ranko WAY more often cuz it makes sense

Tatewaki is actually not as stupid as he is in canon, but he’s worse

Kodachi… on the other hand... IS stupid

Canon Heights are used (hence the “actual magic” tag, it’s how Kuno explains it and is still wrong)

Ranma is a shitty liar, and trusts his friends (kinda)

I’ve never like Shampoo, I don't hide that

While reading the manga I’ve realized how often Ranma wears a hat in the early chapters

I love it

Laws Exist

Rule Enforcement

Adults aren’t useless

Demiromantic Ranma

Ace/Demisexual Ranma (I haven’t decided yet)

Demiromantic Akane

Pansexual Ryoga

YES Akane is Bisexual AND Demiromantic. It’s a thing!

Genma is a sonnova bitch and piece o shit

Diasuke x Hiroshi

Sayuri x Yuka

Polyamory discussions

Hiroshi x Yuka

Protective Ranma

Protective Akane

Protective Ryoga

Tendos adopt Ryoga bc they care

Cologne sucks, I didn’t realize that was justified until now

Minor Anime over Manga Arc Choices

People aren’t oblivious those around Ranma a lot pick up on the transformation thing (eventually)

Ryoga’s crush on Akane turns into something normal, I may be ~Aro but even I know that’s bad

The “Akane Can’t Cook” Joke was funny once or twice; NOT the whole series Akane learns to cook

WAY fucking sooner than she did in the Anime

Look, I get the stereotype but it’s NOT funny!

Manga Chapt6Pt3 cover gave me too many ideas for what I want to do to Ryoga & IDK how I feel (Tiny pigtailed girl Ryoga is just too cute that I want to drop him the niángnìquán)

I will use Wiki-Mandarin-Spellings for Jusenkyo Springs cuz I don’t understand a lick of Chinese

Certain Arcs will be skipped entirely because I HATED THEM (any time they showed up)!

YEET Tea Ceremony Arc(s), mainly cuz an outsider I didn’t get it like I’m sure I was supposed to

If I could just kill Happosai I would, but I can’t

Expect him to be VERY dead/gone post-Canon

Fair warning tho cuz I hate him more than I hate Shampoo or Cologne

Shampoo still sucks

I wish the scene w Hiro/Dai was in the Anime cuz it’s hilarious

Ranma’s hat is back! I love it!

Is… is Ranma ADHD or is that me projecting again?

God, these two are hopeless dorks

Was someone going to TELL me that Ranma’s classmates figured out the transformation BEFORE the Romeo thing or was I just supposed to sit there stunned when it happened?!?

Goddammit, I hate Romeo and Julliet

I don’t mean the ep, I mean the play/movie/etc cuz my school years have done it 1.6 million times that I just can’t stand it anymore

Gosunkugi… wtf is wrong with you?

STILL hate this play

I’m American, ok

this has been shoved down my throat since I was 8 so It never occured to me that Ranma not knowing Romeo & Julliet at all wouldn’t be weird

Ranma learns his lines (kinda)

Kuno is 600% the reason they go off script

...And Gosunkugi being creepy af

TBH where they go off script (like Akane’s sleep scene) I’ll probs redo purely cuz I know this play

Still hate this play

Lol, tape ain’t a thing, that’s hilarious

Ranma kissing Kuno, yes

Akane kissing Ranma, NO

It’s called FAKING it

You either get over it or learn to fake it

Is it wrong that it’s tempting to get rid of P-chan in chapt8?

Don’t answer that… I know it is

Akane you need to learn to trust Ranma

Like seriously… that’s the 1 thing that drove me batty

100% going for the Anime version of the Japanese Speong of Drowned Man cuz it’s funnier

(I’m still tempted to change Ryoga)

Since the Cookie thing came before any comment about Akane’s cooking (Anime) I just figured Ranma was like me and can’t eat a ton of processed sugar (yes, make you that sick) so... HEADCANON!!

But Ranma’s still awkward af talking about it

Yup, subbing out Sasuke for Gosunkugi

Ranma not realizing his dad was committing crimes NEEDS to be handled better

I see angst potential

Ukyo is def still cis-fem, that point at least works

Ukyo’s dad is NOT in the clear here

Friendly reminder that Genma TOLD Mr. Kuonji that Ranma had a fiancée

Jealous Ranma’s fun

Ranma… just cuz you’ve 6.5k fiancé doesn’t mean everyone does

I’m just saying, Ryoga only falls for Ranma

Is Ranma wearing a binder while cursed bad? I honestly don’t know…

Poor Ranma, I’d DIE!

Obvs changing the rules of the pill from “first person of the opp sex”

I’m thinking “first person you’d be attracted to” cuz it’s nice and inclusive and won’t make someone fall for someone they wouldn’t normally

I’m just tryin’ to avoid some gayboy from fallin’ for a girl or some straight girl fallin’ for a girl

I mean Ranma’s still gonna Insta Cologne

Rule gets stricter the longer the pill lasts

also incest needs to be excluded

Look, I am NOT condoning Mousse’s obsession

but Shampoo still sucks

Is me making Tsubasa mtf bad?

Someone tell me cuz I’m not sure

I think I accidentally made Ukyo transphobic… oops

Redemption? Hopefully, idk yet

Do you realize how much anti LGBT shit I have to work through?!?

Tsubasa’s issue is 600% that she’s a lesbian so Ranma being a guy (even sometimes) weirds her out which for the record is FINE since they haven’t been dating at all & Ranma didn’t tell her!

The ½ white ½ brown dog IS actually Ryoga’s?!?

I didn’t know I needed this!

Also she’s staying!

Is Sasuke an Anime character?!?! Idk how I feel about this…

Ranma is a little shit & I love it

My idea may’ve been wrong (and Ranma!) but I love the idea had that I’m tempted do it anyway

Alright, Ranma is def going too far… even I can admit that

I’m quite sad this arc wasn’t animated

I don’t know which one I want! Kuno sick vs sneezing cat?

I can’t pick!

They’re both perfect!

Yup, Shampoo is evil

Akane… tone down the weapons kay?

[tysabrewing-s]

Thoughts on Lena?

Wow anon u rlly just asked my number one actual fave™ as always prepare for one big post hhvhvhjvn 

Like ive always liked edgy teen characters I think they have a nice charm to them and I like the conflict they cause for other characters ( best example for this is besides Lena is needletail from warriors tbh!! Theyre rlly similar in cool ways) 

Lenas like different for me tho she isnt just some dumbass teen messing shit up and everybody be like "broooo stop being so immature :\\" I mean she is that but she means more to me as a character again abt to get super personal ( what can i say my favs are my favs cuz I relate to them personally or wish I was like them lmao) but I relate to her like a lot haha I dont have anybody in my life like magica is to her in all but I can relate in a very toned down way of how controlling she is and how she doesnt get a bit of space ik that isnt the main aspect of it but god I still felt that u know I also relate how magicas keeps being like "u cant have friends lmao its only to get scrooges dime stop getting attached" again not exactly the same but a certain person in my life is always telling me friendships are dumb they never last blah blah blah shouldnt bother to pursue any for this reason and its just annoying okay anyways tho enough abt me im srry this is so long its basically me just venting :') 

One of the best things abt her tho?? How she sasses pack at magica and isnt shown to be in the wrong pretty sure everybody and their mom has talked abt this but like srsly not all victims of abuse are super nice wouldnt hurt anybody type of person hell most arent its just such a breath of fresh air for once to see a character go thru this shit especially one of those edgy™ characters ( srry to describe her as edgy like 5 times but idk other ways my vocabulary sucks fhchcjvhv) and isnt shown as just being rebellious or whatever magicas literally treating her like dried up cat piss and audience KNOWS this we literally cant deny it and when beakley apologized to her for being rude I wanted to explode from happiness??? Ive never seen a show do that have an adult admit they were wrong okay I dont watch a bunch of cartoons but even when i think abt other stuff i like like books movies games etc ive still NEVER seen this 

Basically lena is an absolutely AMAZING representation of abuse victims is what im trying to get at ( btw if im in any way wrong abt this pls someone dm me!! Ive never been abused so I get I can never get it like know how that experience feels if im wrong pls educate me on this!!) 

Also I adore her dynamic w webby like my short answer is im a big old softy for nice bubbly girl\emo gal trope and I eat it up like somebody who found a bit of water in a desert 😔👊 

But like its also rlly heccing epic cuz most likely before her nobody ever treated her as like a person so just an extra cherry on top with it 

I see their dynamic as like finding comfort in each other and helping each other with it and idk its very endearing and sweet to me to think abt 

And on top of this?? Shes still a dumb as FUCK teenager!! Like beagle day massacre is basically just her taking a 12 yearold to crash a party lmao and forget the eps name but when her huey and webby just went underground for whatever reason?? Absolute horrible inlfuence and im all for it babey 

Anyways even tho ive written a book by now heres some headcannons djvjvjvjb

She likes an ironic shitposter basically just think of those cant see the haters thru my tears or is crying until 4 am badass stuff haha 

Cusses like theres no tomorrow 

When she gets older ( if she like ever ages that is lol) her and louie get rlly close like their buds and do dumb stuff like stealing a police car 

I hc her as a non binary lesbian!! She goes by she\they but mostly she 

She makes a tik tok ironically but then it actually got popular 

She used to steal a lot while living on the streets so shes rlly particular on what she spends her money on and she rarely shares anything 

Everyday she needs at least a while to herself to listen to some music and stuff like that she hates being around ppl all the time 

Idk if this even counts as a headcannon cuz ik everybody agrees with but shes touch starved af she rlly only accepts hugs and stuff from webby tho 

She actually doesn't think violets is a knock off of her or anything like that shes just a jealous bitch haha like shes actually rlly impressed that shes good at controlling magic 

She wouldnt tell anybody this but she actually kinda likes how she looks she isnt super confident abt it but she doesnt think shes ugly and is like "huh u know what my dyed hair is kinda dope" 

Shes like totally in love with lemon demon 

Alrighty pretty much done with this post!! Srry if im rude or its to long I just can never shut up abt my fav characters once u ask me yknow jghfjfghj

[kctrinaa]

[ MUSE 96 ] ●● is that ROSARIO DAWSON? no, that’s just KATRINA WARD-LOWELL, the 43 year old CISFEMALE who is a NEUROSURGEON. some say they’re STUBBORN & DEFENSIVE, but their family and friends will swear they’re PATIENT & EMPATHETIC. when i think of them, i think of tight hugs, scrubs, late nights, careless laughter. i wonder if HER family knows that SHE’S ADDICTED TO PAINKILLERS ●●

brought to you by ZERO self-control, here i am, playing another character. i am not at all smart enough to be playing a doctor- this should go VERY well !!! anyWAY, here’s some stuff about her 

tw: drug mention, homophobia 

background:  - born in new york to a fairly well-off family (her dad’s parents were SUPER fuckin rich) - she’s the Middle Child of three sisters - has quite a ~Colorful~ past; she was the wild child growing up and despite being really smart, never really gelled w school  - got in trouble for selling acid at her high school and fuckin around w gangs n shit (she knew alicia growing up and in hs, things were Wild, there’s a LOT of history, we LOVE that), but she got out of any REAL trouble w the help of her rich as fuck grandparents  - is pretty close with her dad and her sisters, but has a strained relationship with her mom who has always had a problem with katrina being a lesbian -  upon going to college, got her shit together and decided she wanted to change the world and went into neuroscience and pre-med  - and now she’s like.... so well-known for being a good neurosurgeon and she rly did it all just to, like, save lives and all that nice shit  - is a Good Mom and loves and supports all her kids so so much (also tries to be the Cool Mom sometimes, but, like… she IS cool so)  - her kids are literally the most important thing in her world  - uhhh got hooked on pills in college, but got off of them in med school, but now she’s relapsed and has been using them again for about a year  - it’s easy for her to get them bc.... doctor  - i’m assuming this will prob have something to do w why she and her wife are arguing a lot lately ??? idk, her wife doesn’t technically exist yet SO (someone come play her wife PLZ, i suck, but katrina is great and a great wife... other than the whole painkiller thing oops) 

personality:  - she is generally very laidback and has a calm, almost hippie-ish vibe  - but if you mess with her kids or try to argue with her about something she’s passionate about then she will tell you off and argue w you ALL DAY  - she is not afraid of confrontation in the slightest - would die- and also kill- for her children  - literally ??? thinks her kids are perfect ???? even when they do something wrong she’s like ??? ‘still fuckin great and amazing idk’  - SOFT  - very soft and loving and caring and just loves affection  - queen of hugs and comforting touches- it’s, like, her love language idk  - so fuckin cool, i will never be as cool as her, truly  - very in tune with her emotions, but keeps them bottled up - kinda bohemian and like ~chill~ vibes 

possible connections:  - exes: from her college years, i guess, idk, i love ex connections sue me  - best friend: someone she can REALLY talk to, vents to them and vice versa, opens up about her problems  - friends: a VERY good friend and probably has a lot of them; gimme some from new york and from current times PLZ  - insomnia buddies: katrina, like, does not sleep, so just someone who stays up w her or is also an insomniac and will chill w her at night or whatever idk  - patients: i don’t fuckin know, OK?! but like... if you got a brain problem, hit her up  - listen... i’m down for anything, fuck me up y’all 

so... YEAH, that’s katrina. she is cool, i love her- and hope you do to!!!! so, as usual, plz like this or come yell at me in my dms (here or on discord) for plots, ok BYE !! 

[guileheroine]

my scattered endgame impressions!

- must preface: i have major fatigue with this franchise at this point despite having caught the genuine mcu flu now and again. although this movie was obviously an emotional ride, i’ve kinda gotten of the train

- plot DRAGS, bloated in that very franchise blockbuster way we’ve come to hate. stretched too thin, too repetitive (esp considering infinity war) could actually have done with more convolution in a way? more than just repeat hammers on a veryy flimsy take on time travel 

- ^like that they chose to focus on character stuff instead which ig explains the above but doesn’t help enough. lotr did the 3hr runtime better

- likewise relies too much on the self-referential/easter eggy for the story and character beats, but i feel like that’s more appropriate here given the premise, meta and story wise, than in the last 10 movies that they’ve used The Brand to carry (basically it doesn’t stand on its own or offer anything new that isn’t pointing and winking at stuff that’s come before, but unlike before that indulgence is warranted in a sendoff like this)

- my fav callback is the stuff around the cap elevator scene, bc its my favourite moment of the avengers (2012) when all this wasn’t an exhausting hype monster and made my heart full in an uncomplicated way

- in essence i loved what reminded me of what i loved

- related, i guess the saving grace for me personally is that the aspects of the mcu i’m invested in are to my liking here, catws crew feel true to character (whatever sins the russos have committed since i’m glad steve & natasha’s final call was in their hands)

-...until the steve going back thing. i’m sorry but if i could shove the nonsensical time travel bs to the side before i couldn’t here. there’s some superficial emotional resonance which is better than some things but it just... breaks everything. old steve hangin in this universe - discarding the wrench it retroactively throws in ALLL plot stuff, it just undermines the excellently poignant thing of him having to adjust to the modern world. now he’s x10 less interesting

- but still like i actually remember that i love natasha, and a lot!!! i cried when she died. clintasha gooooood.

- and the other scene where i cried was the samsteve taking up the mantle. >:’3

- idk how much of the nuance of the hawkangst subplot is on cutting room floor but its too much. yeah i am not entirely comfortable w him chopping up mexicans and japanese especially when it isn’t even clear what kind retribution thing this meant to be

-by GOD it needed more tchalla (and bucky and sam) so they better run the show in the future

- there’s a grrl power shot of all the female characters which is tacky as hell. extremely jarring. they don’t know each other!

- rly sucks how they’ve neglected and reduced the serious and substantial character of bruce banner over the years. he wasn’t as comic reliefy as i feared but you’d forget he’s one of the 6

- captain marvel was very poorly integrated with no payoff but more importantly her hair. lesbian

- tony’s death was sad but too much of a given to be that impactful and i’m so desensitised to his schtick at this point just bc sheer exposure, i’m glad they can spend their budget and screentime on things other than rdj now

- liked the bits with his daughter bc at least that’s a new note

- i wanna know if steve has kids?

- thor. so sad. i have a renewed appreciation for ragnarok tho i dont love that movie as much as everyone else

- the ‘gay rep’ is like whatever. an afterthought. more annoying that they even think theyre like Providing Anything with this but does it even bear stating at this point

- glad it’s over. wanna do a top 5 at some point

[theaterboyinwonderland]

U make me answer 25 q I make u answer 1-50 :^)

Hey! Fuck you you hoe :D Tumblr mobile wouldnt let me.copy paste so i wrote this shit in a google doc admire how.much energy i put into this. You fuck 1) counter couch or top of the dryer? Easy couch its comfy and easy to sit on. Plus diff postions are easier2) Your last sexual encounter? Good or bad and why? Depends,  do u count phone sex? If so ugh…? A week ago? irl probs like...4 or 5 months ago. For real sex like 2 or 3 years. Phone sex was good! My mans hot. Irl dude was also goo! Hes a pretty close friend ive hooked up with b4 and probs will later but eh. And for real sex god he sucked. Last longer bro3)Fictional person you think would be good in bed? Lust from FMA.4)Something that never fails to make you horny?  A guy biting my neck and saying “like that baby/love/ect” my neck is SUPER sensitive and a homie love a good pet name5)Where is one place youd never have sex? A hospice 6)The most awkward moment during a sexual experience was when? I was with the dude from 2 and we were both WASTED. He like wanted me.to blow him so naturally i did but he thrusted into me without telling me. Now heres the thing i got a gag reflex but i can control it kinda well. Drunk me however cant and if a long phallic thing goes down outta nowhere i also cant. Anyway so i puked on him. Needless to say we didnt finish that night. 7) Weirdest thing to ever turn you on? When i was a kid id get horny  hearing the sex sounds from fable. Which after replaying them are SOOO bad8)What is the best way to sexually bind someone?Im a sub bottom dude dont fuvking ask me. Probs get them to love you?9)Fastest way to make you horny? Pin me to a bed force eye contact and then kiss/bite me neck/throat. Dirty talk also helps.10Top or bottom? Bottom 11)We were about to have sex but then…. I probs said im tired 12)Is one orgasm enough ? Are multiple necessary? SEE…depends..i fucking HATE over stim. I legit banned jd from doing it to me. THAT BEING SAID. If irs an ALL NIGHT thing and i only.cum.once (probs at the end edging fuck) im gonna be a mess. 13)Something you've hidden in your room that you dont want anyone to find? The body14)Weirdest  nickname a SO has ever called you? Ugh...idk ive never gotten more than babe till i started dating jd and his are nice like baby/my prince/my everything. I use cringy ones like darling  sweetie honey. Ughh t help one guy see if he liked she/her pronouns i called him princess. He later decided he like he/him so i just called him my prince15)Two things u like about oral? Taste, hearing a guy get more horny and start that low whimper/moan when they're close.16) weirdest sexual act someone has ever preformed  or tried to perform on you? All of my so and shit are basic af. Bondage and a collar are the furthest anyone has asked me. Though  a random asked if i was cool with water sports.17)Have u ever tasted yourself? Ive tasted my cum and it was….okay? Ive never sucked myself a bitcg aint flexable.18)Is it ever okay to not use a condom? Ive…never…..used….one...haha….19)Who was the sexiest teacher u ever had? I never had one but FUCK there one this one just outta college  history teacher (who apt had a big dick) and like DAMN he was fine.20)A food you would like to use during a sexual experience? I dont really wanna do food stuff? Its to messy and like...a waste of food? 21)How big is to big? 10+22)One sexual thing you would never do? IF YOUR FEET EVEN COME CLOSE TO FUCKING TOUCHING ME.23)biggest turn on? Wasn't this a q already? On a guy in gen i love singers. Abs and blonde hair dont hurt. Also being taller than me.24)Three spots that drive u insane? Neck hips collar bone25)Worst possible time to get horny? At work sense i work with old people (hey cas coulda stopped here you furry pope fucker)26)Do u like it when yoursexual partner moans? HELL FUCKING YEAH I DO! Im super audio based and i lovethat. I also have a praise kink so like moans are basically praise27)Worst sexual idea you ever had? What if i was straight?28)How much fapping is to much fapping? Ugh...HMMM...if you do it more than 3 times EVERY day maybe stop 29)Best sexual compliment youve ever had? So at the party me and the friend were at there wa:. Him. My ex. And another fuck buddy of.mine. a q came up about who gives rhe best head and whos the best kisser AND ALL OF THEM SAID ME. I was like “i am a damn good kisser “ and my ex said “fuck ya he is”30)Bald, landing strip, jumanji? Do whatever idc. Hairs hair.31)Is it good sex if you dontnut? No. Im impatient and needy.32) If they *love me* we fucking33)Fav part of your body? My eyes! I think they're nice. Other than that i hate myself lmao34)Fav forplay activities.  Idk never done much. Pinned make out sound like a blast with grinding35)Love or sex? Love. Id rather have someone who really cares about me over a good fuck.36)What do u wear to bed? Underwear.  Im not a pj or commando kinda guy37)First time u masturbated? Ugh….i must been like 11? It was b4 like i ever knew what it was and b4 i could cum. 38)Do u have any nude/masturbating pics/ videos of yourself? My boyfriend lives in another country, what do u think?39)Have you ever/when was the last time u had sex outside. Ive never had SEX but ive blown a couple.dudes in either a park or a park bathroom.  One time.in a casino parking lot40)Have/wouldu have sex in public. See 39? Full blown sex PROBS NAH but bjs probs 41)Have/would u have a 3some?Ive had one! The ex and the fuck buddy while me and the ex were together.  We never fucked but we all blew each other. Slash im down for a polyam resltionship if my partner is so id always be down. Slash slash me and jd are horny as fuck and have talked about having threesomes b4 so ye42)What is 1 random object you've used to masturbate? Ugh…? I humped my bed b4? Idfk?43)Have/would u ever masturbate at work/school. Ive blown several guys at school. So yeah id jo there.  Work ive debated but thats cause SOMEONE os a fucking tease. 44)Have/would u ever have sex on a plane. No45)What is one song youd like.to have sex to? Dead girl walking.46)What is something nonsexual that makes you horny ? Hey fuck u i said this one47)Most attractive celeb? Thomas sanders or tom holland. now THATD be a threesome. Please no one show thomas this.48)Do u watch gay/lesbian poor? Why/why not? HMM I FUCKING WONDER49) If a child was born on the occasion of the last time u had sex, how old would that child be? 2 or 3 years old. God i need to get fucked. Soon50)Has anyone ever posted nude pics of.you online? No and if they do I'll murder the prick.Thanks for the qs cas i stg the next time u post an over 50 ask im.making u do them all :’) love you bb 💛 that was more fun than i thought itd be

[imgayandemotional]

so while everything went down obviously i ranted a lot here. but i also kept this for the things i couldn’t say:

notes about her

entry 1

i don’t know how i ended up here. i met a girl after shaelyn and i broke up. her names katie, she’s sweet, beautiful, funny, the whole shabang. she’s got these incredibly gorgeous eyes and when she gazes at me with them i could melt. her lips are so soft and when we kiss i feel perfectly in sync. she’s such a good kisser damn. i fell for her too quickly. not to say i’m in love with her or anything but i just really like her. i caught feelings fast. we hung out a total of two times but i don’t know the time we spent together was really something. the first time i felt like i got really close to her. just cuddling in her dorm telling eachother our life stories. i really got to know a lot about her and her about me. i guess that’s how i got to like her so quickly. i gained all this information about her fondest memories and quirky things she’s done throughout her life. i loved hearing her talk and go on about them. i didn’t leave her dorm until 11:30 that night. i still had to drive an hour and a half home and got home at 1am. it was worth it tho. i can’t believe she came to see me again after that. that’s probably the nail in the coffin was that day. going on an actual date to go play mini golf and go to the arcade. i suck at mini golf so much lmao. pretty sure she started to play badly just to make me feel better and we started goofing around. god her smile is so beautiful. her little laughs at me being a complete dork. that shit fuels me. when she lost her golf ball into the bushes and we went to get it and kissed behind the bushes for a bit damn. i rly didn’t care about mini golf anymore. i would’ve just made out there for a while. but we finished our game and stole the balls as mementoes. i wonder if she really kept it. i do atleast. then the arcade she got so excited over the games it was so cute. seeing her get cocky that she could beat me was adorable. obviously i let her win or maybe i just suck. maybe a little of both lmao. but then we came back to my house and chilled in my room. making out with her damn that’s so nice. i’ve talked about kissing her a lot oops. but damn it feels so right. but now she just wants to be friends? maybe i have wishful thinking but i feel like she’s gotta have feelings for me. all of that there’s no way i was the only one catching feelings. i wish she wouldn’t ignore them. i wish things were easier. that we could be something. all i really want right now is to call her my girl. i know that’s not gonna happen tho. i don’t even know if i can call her my friend much longer. she says it’s not a good idea but i don’t want that. then she says she doesn’t want that either but i don’t understand. she says we’re both hurting eachother. yea i guess i’m hurt she’s pushing me away. but i’m not taking it personally. i feel like i know she has feelings she just needs to let them happen. but again maybe i’m just making it up in my head. i don’t know. i wish i knew what she was thinking. i don’t want to hurt her. but i think she’s hurting me she knows i want to be with her and part of her wants to be with me but she’s holding back. don’t hold back. life’s too short to hesitate on things like this. i can make her happy. i think i already do when we hang out and talk she seems happy. maybe she’s not tho. again i wish i knew what the hell was going on in her head. i feel so confused. i don’t know what to feel anymore. i can’t stop looking at her the way i always do tho. she keeps calling me out but how am i supposed to suddenly look at her different? i’m still in awe of her and that’s not gonna change.

entry 2

do i actually even like this girl or am i just scared of being alone? i am perfectly okay with being alone tho that’s the thing. i was only on tinder for hookups. i wasn’t looking for a relationship because i mean it’s tinder nobody is really looking for a relationship. but feelings had other plans. maybe i’m just trying to fill the void shaelyn made when she left me. i don’t think so tho. i told katie i needed some time before we talk and i took that time to get over my breakup before picking back up. but things with katie seemed to move so fast. the feelings came flowing in. i don’t know i’ve barely known this girl a month but i actually know so much about her. i feel like something’s right with us. i don’t know. again i’m just in my head making up stuff i want right? damn she’s somethin else tho. i can’t shake it.

entry 3

she finally made things clear that were just friends. saying she did have feelings for me but she lost them. i don’t know. that hurts me i guess. i know it shouldn’t. i was barely talking to this girl. but i don’t know. somewhere long the way i caught genuine feelings. it seemed mutual and now it’s just me feeling this. why do i always feel more than others? i’m tired of having a big heart. i love too easily and i can’t hate people that easily. i really overplay things in my head. i feel things too much. i want to go numb. no more feelings. fuck them.

entry 4

i facetimed her last night from 11pm to 5am. we’re just friends now tho. she made it very clear that that’s what we are. she said she doesn’t think she feels anything for me anymore. i see the way she looks at me and laughs at my jokes tho. i’m not so sure that’s true. my theory is that it’s easier to ignore them. her feelings for me that is. she’s obviously scared of being vulnerable again. she’s scared to let me see her dark bits but honestly i can handle them. i’ve seen them already wether she wanted me to or not. i know how i can help is by just being here. i think she needs me in her life tho. i’ve shown her honesty and sympathy. i cant believe her ex treated her the way she did and i want to be nothing of that to her. i know i was toxic with shaelyn and i don’t need that with katie. but we’re not even together. she after zoning out that she needs to sort out more stuff in her head. honestly am i overthinking to think that i’m still a question in her head. i really wish we had met on better circumstances. i wish i’ll actually get a shot with her. i don’t know how to describe it but there’s something about this girl. i’m not gonna let her go. we’ll just have to be friends cus i care about her too much to let her friend zoning me actually hurt me.

entry 5

hang on this entry gon start w sum from her tumblr..

”why am i getting jealous of tiktok lesbians liking you when you aren’t even mine to get jealous of literally what the fuck katie”

okay. so how you gon tell me you don’t have feelings for me anymore when you posting this. say you want me. be my girl. i want you so bad baby girl. damn. this shit sent me. i was like mhmm yea i know you still very much like me. tell me. be with me. i know you’re holding yourself back but i could spoil you w my love and affection babe.

entry 6

we have follow ups folks.

”i’m not sure this friends thing can work when we clearly like eachother but it’s way too complicated and i’m not in the mood to fuck you over”

“so fucking torn between wanting to be single and wanting you and that’s not okay bc i absolutely cannot be in a relationship where half of me wants to be single. i have to choose the half of me that will hurt you the least. as much as i fucking hate it. fucking hell.”

JUST BE WITH ME!!!!!!!! goddamn i do kinda be in my feels w you doh. stop that.

entry 7

i think this is one of the most painful things. being absolutely infatuated with someone and knowing they are with you too and yet nothing happens. she wants to be with me but she doesn’t. i just want nothing but her. she likes me. i know she does. i know she finds me charming and cute. i know damn well i find her absolutely adorable and beautiful. i want us to be together so bad. it’s become such a fantasy in my head. when does that fantasy become a reality?

entry 8

okay but i don’t get what’s so confusing. where are the complications you keep talking about? i like you and you like me. let’s jus be together. save ourselves the hurt of acting like we can be just friends. let me love you. i get why you backed out of us “talking”. the kisses, cuddles, cute date. it got too real. you saw yourself with me and that scared you. commitment is scary as hell. i don’t blame you.

entry 9

wow. just fucking wow. how are you going to like me but not want to be with me. that makes no fucking sense. and how come you only ever fucking express your feelings to me when you’re drinking. i’m not some fucking game you can play. i’m honestly so fucking hurt and sad. i want to be with you so bad. you know that. you’ve known that this whole time.

entry 10

we’re not talking anymore. in any context. at least for a bit. i don’t know how long. we had the painful talk of feelings and what we want. relationship wasn’t what she wanted. that hurt me. i still want her. she said all this stuff about wanting to be friends but doesn’t think we’re in a place to be friends right now. it’s weird not talking to her all day. i wonder how she’s doing. this was painful for both of us i know.

[galimatios]

sci fi ya au musings from twitter thread mostly nts

maybe i do want to write YA science fiction ya with gay and all my favorite self indulgent tropes and also plugsuits

I HATE MYSELF I IMMEDIATELY HAVE SCENES IN MY HEAD . ITS BEEN TWO GODDAMN SECONDS. I DONT EVEN KNOW WHO THESE CHARACTERS ARE YET tjinking about those rooms in that one ep of black mirror where youcan program jt tk show whatever you want on the walls. maybe projection of virtual reality vs reality as a major motif. simulations and distance... long distance relationships during a war in space action too... have to think about an enemy but maybe we rag on capitalism a littlle maybe some conglomerate is fighting a proxy war using aliens vs the govt the protags are in the military for theme.. war sucks bye but also theres dynamics i want

UM I CAN PUT BIG MECHA INNNNNNNN YEAHHHH anyway i want 2 loyal dog dynamics to juxtapose w eachother + platonic soulmate type protag duo, best friends , one girl one boy, theyre both equally important, some SHIT happens and theyre forced on different sides at some point one loyal dog is treated well, like an equal, will follow x to the end of the world the other is Not treated well. i want to explicitly make that relationship abusive so i can point at it in the text itself and have other loyal dog be like , that's not love. abandoned loyal dog gets adopted by main duo, ends up in a relationship w one of them (whichever one makes it gay), im ship girl with side character who inspires tf out of her, sort of like. theyre competitive and the side character is light years more skilled but girl wants the challenge, wants the chase, is fueled by the prospect of catching up so "wait for me" LAYS DOWN NONE OF THESE CHARACTERS HAVE NAMES OR DESIGNS OR ANYTHING BUT IM ALREADY ATTACHED TO THESE CONNECTIONS mc pair: one techy soft boy nerd who just wants to protect his family so thats why he agreed to help develop/operate tech bc he thinks this is how he can help headstrong pilot ace girl who has no one but wants to prove herself and make a name for herself so she'll be remembered she wants to win glory for herself and comes off as super confident but actually she's just. asuka evangelion except she doesnt crash and burn so bad bc she has the boy who sees thru it, you dont have to try so hard probably happens after a fight where she's reckless hes not one to get mad but this time he's pissed bc she was exceptionally close to dying, yells at her, why do you keep trying so hard to die kinda snaps her back to reality he wants her to rely on him more bc that's what hes here for anyway loyal dog defects from enemy + meets this pair after other loyal dog suggests he joins the crew, tech boy is kind to Everyone but loyal dog FORMERLY AN ASSASSIN ???????? TYPE?? SNIPER?? develops baby crush girl sips her drink :3c

I HAVE TO THINK MORE ABOUT THEM BC OH NO THEYRE CUTE but girl is chasing after some nb femme prodigy who she's rivals with and admires for more than just her skill theyre both emotionally constipated idiots tho so its like. (hand touch) thats enough for 100 years there is. so much tension. and prodigy seems so perfect on the outside but is actually in some kind of super strict fucked up program bc of her skill, and she hated it and is suffering ace pilot is the one to barge in headstrong and fuck everything up and get her out of there girl believes prodigy is amazing. really. incredible. a part of her feels like she'll never catch up . but even so watching prodigy walk into the unknown unflinchingly resolute ... it's both sad in a way bc she's being left behind but also she wouldnt have it any other way bc she thinks forward is the only way prodigy should be facing. its what inspires her. that strength ... h they definitely settle down together in the future tho bc i need ththattt

"when this is all over" said the prodigy, "come find me" this is so self indulgent anyway plotwise once both the govt and the enemy r revealed to be equally bad the main cast defect to a revolutionary group. they will Not win within the span of the novel but theyll have a small victory, very les mis one day more flavored, and even if they did not win they stood for something they believed in, did something to try and tell the truth... also i need more of a cast so i can kill characters off nice now all i have to do is fill all this in with world building and action and stuff and ill have a novel so many sci fi things have done the 2 pilot mind sync emotional thing right so if i do the same thing no one knows if i took it from one franchise or another i need to twist it around a little but i may have ideas haha i can. totally make this a part of my fucking huge sci-fi au really wanna call main girl lane and main boy khemrin . .. i cant unsee the girl as rey flavored so shes ending up w red hair and irish, but boy is SEAsian with a huge family, loyal dog who defects is african, prodigy is asian, other loyal dog feels south american prodigy... astrid is her real name but she may have a codename fsr? idk why i feel it. icarus? assassin defector... something that starts with an o or a d other loyal dog... i need to think but i also need to figure out the personalities of their respective pairs inserts minh as evil one. done. maybe mephis adjacent character for the... no mephis doesnt care abt anyone BUT hed be a great side character OH god what if au jonah and ambrose oh boy. FUCK jonahs probably there for some special task bc hes. attuned to some shit idk

I GUESS IM GONNA DEVELOP AMBROSE MORE ive only written him as a young adult but as a teen hes angry and rebellious and got drafted, ended up being a simple foot soldier but he meets jonah and a lot changes jonah's there on top secret bullshit, same program as astrid definitely has some shit to do With Experiments. astrid has enhanced eyesight/coordination on top of being an ace combat pilot, i think jonah might be able to open up warp gates or limited pocket space mephis is evil scientist who doesnt care abt casualties

I'm thinking about unnamed pilot lesbians and i am. enamored immediately holy shit god they're both so goal oriented and focused but once the fighting is finally over they finally allow themselves to embrace the intensity of their emotions for eachother and i am fucking perishing they were essentially raised as child soldiers so it's this clumsy process of trying to figure things out for the first time, this kind of innocent but intense and blooming love between two hardened soldiers, the years of war coming away when they're together for the first time actually fuck i did name them but i'm still not sure about ace pilot girl? i want to name her lane or something monosyllable, maybe i'll revamp raine and make her this oc instead... either way i'm just. ugh. UGH. FUCK. holy shit they love eachother so much

I"M GETTING REALLY FUCKED UP ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF THE PRODIGY (ASTRID) DYING IN THE LINE OF DUTY or well at least goes missing, presumed dead but raine just... doesn't believe it. astrid can't die. she's too amazing. there's no way fucking. huge disbelief. she refuses? raine going on a near suicidal self-appointed mission against commander's orders to rescue her, khemrin tries to hold her back but he can't, she' fucking gone speeding off on one of the fastest scouting ships she can hijack raine finding her alive but barely conscious in a damaged cockpit floating in space for who knows how long, raine unable to open the hatch and get to her but anchors her ship to hers, NOT EFFECTIVE BUT HER ONLY REAL CHOICE w/o compromising the air seal. makes the journey back astrid barely makes it to the space equivalent of a truck stop (unaffiliated) and raine calls for backup in panic and tries her best to tend to astrid's wounds an feed her and she's fucking PANICKING but trying so hard to keep it together astrid wakes up and raine's crying i don't have anything specific its just really soft and raine never Does this god when they meet again after the war, raine running her fingers over the scar left from astrid's helmet shattering h raine in a tux and astrid dressed like a princess and raine kissing her shoe sorry im gay bye

[possibilistfanfiction]

hey jude!!! just read ur last anon abt being nb and wondered if u could talk abt ur own gender experience?

well basically i didnt grow up in a very open household, like rly Zero discussion of gender, so i know i Experienced gender entirely but i played almost exclusively with the boys in my class until probably grade 6 or 7, & at puberty, even tho i was a better athlete than most boys in my class still, i started hanging out with girls more, at recess, etc. i was always into androgyny, even if i had no idea (& i didn’t) what that was—i liked some femme things, absolutely, but i wanted nothing to do w skirts or pretty shoes. i wanted to be in adidas running sneakers 24/7 if i could help it, & i wore a uniform to school w the option of a skirt/pants, & im p sure i always wore pants. at the time this, to me, seemed more functional, & it was, but it was also, as i can understand now, something that made me feel Less like a girl, although not at all like a boy.

when i was older, 12, 13, 14, my parents wanted me to dress nicer, & i was v much into like american eagle shit, although by mid hs i was into some vintage stuff. one rly big odd style influence for me was mia wasikowksa in this weird movie called restless bc it was this v soft femme androgyny & i think for me this kind of gender expression became very important to see & understand. it wasn’t that she didn’t look like a girl, or that she wasn’t a girl, but she also sometimes looked like a boy, or wore boys clothes, but she wasn’t butch. idk this movie sent me for a loop honestly lol. 

& obviously my understanding of gender expression didn’t correlate (& doesn’t correlate!) w so many gender identities, & “passing” is extremely harmful as a notion, etc. but when i was younger my understanding of gender & sexuality was very limited & began to expand when i saw very femme but still andro ppl, even tho i couldn’t articulate it at the time. 

when i was a teenager i knew i didnt want to rly have a single thing to do w any boy, which made me sure i was a lesbian bc thats the only narrative i’d rly known abt queerness, or queer women, or even queer ppl who presented as femme. there werent any out lesbians at my school (no fucking way), & the only out queer kid at all was a white gay guy a year older than me, who was popular in the way white gay boys can be popular in high school. but i read voraciously, was fascinated by the crossdressing in shakespeare (paris in the merchant of venice was a particular fixation of mine?) & anyway. i knew i was queer, i knew i liked girls, & i knew i was outrageously uncomfortable w my body, particularly my breasts. for a long time i thought this was because i was ashamed of my sexuality, when i came to sort of understand that, but ofc now i know abt dysmorphia & dysphoria, so yknow. knowledge.

when i went to college i came out big time, & it became very important to me to both be queer & look sort of queer but not queer enough to be Queer—i wanted ppl to be like ‘maybe into girls, but maybe straight.’ as im sure many of us know, this was a lot of internalized shame abt a lot of things, so that sucks. however, i cut my hair which was like the first comfortable thing i had done for my appearance in a v long time, & also smth which my parents hated & i did anyway. i wore a Lot of rly femme stuff bc they hated it tho? so this was all v confusing for me bc my parents are v homophobic, & here i was in college starting to read queer theory & gender theory & falling in love w like. the most beautiful, brilliant girl, & also spiraling into a mixed episode after i got diagnosed w bipolar I, which sort of put everything else on the backburner for a year. 

eventually tho i sorted that out (as much as u can sort smth like that out) & i started to rly pay attention to androgyny. i went to europe & i think theres a whole bunch of nuances to fashion that exist there that certainly arent here, & i spent a winter in warsaw so there were aspects to fashion & expression there that were entirely abt functionality, which i was v attracted to. in college, as well, & especially after college, gender became smth i was v much invested in bc i was (& absolutely am) a feminist, so my place in the canon & zeitgeist was one as a queer female writer. it was so so central to who i was, & what i was writing abt. every single thing i wrote in college was in some way a balm, some sort of piece abt myself, learning abt trauma & the body. sorting through a lot of hurt. i could write a theory piece abt elizabeth bishop & reading it back now i know it was also abt me, that kinda stuff.

when i went to toronto i rly rly started being invested in looking critically at gender & my experience of it bc being read as a woman was smth that was grating on me, even tho i had identified as woman for so long, & had no desire at all to transition. i know 100% i am not a trans man, so that was confusing for a long time because i sort of knew there was a space between but it was very hard to conceptualize. eventually i sort of came to understand gender is a color wheel where cis boys are blue & cis women are pink & then theres literally a ton of other colors out there, so yknow. lots of different experiences of gender. some days i feel much more strongly like i identify w women (in mostly political situations, it matters to me to be read as “female” sometimes bc rights for ppl w vaginas AND trans women are FUCKED UP in so many places). some days i hate the idea of identifying as a woman. i also never want to identify as a man. so when i was in toronto i rly started to know a LOT of queer ppl w so many different expressions of gender. & we were all young & lovely & open & fucked up & we would get fucked up but we would also go read together in the park & wander around alleys in the snow & like. there’s a Muchness to toronto that i experienced that helped me, personally, understand these intersections between my own sexuality & gender & expression as much more than just a gay woman who isn’t butch & isn’t femme. i was rly lucky to become part of a community that identified as Queer, & so i became v much understanding of these different aspects of my own identity that fell outside of binary—my sexuality, my gender. Queerness is a vital & profound thing to me & i was rly able (& so fortunate) to have a close friend group of mostly queer ppl & then a few of the actual literally most incredible allies i’ve ever known & will ever know. 

so then from there i just rly kinda thought abt things & like i got a binder & stuff in TO but rly started to evaluate my dysmorphia & dysphoria (i had struggled really badly w an eating disorder in/post college) & was able to sort out that so much of it had to do w feeling uncomfortable in the way my body was read in the world. & that will always happen bc i LOVE makeup & i have a “feminine” voice & sometimes i love skirts & i shave my legs bc i like how it feels sometimes & i dont ever want to go on T—none of these things make anyone ANY gender, but ofc theyre coded as “female.” but i’m learning to just yknow educate where i can & take a lot of solace in the community of ppl i have fostered who support & understand my Being. i’ve also allowed myself to be invested in aesthetics & fashion & how much a role that plays bc like. yah fuck Yah i look cool shit bc my friends love it & absolutely i wanna wear the same vans maia mitchell has & i want a melodrama hoodie & i LOVE local toronto designers & their angsty patches abt sad songs & whiskey but i love fashion born out of histories that is connected to smth i can understand, like queer punk movements, or smth my friends & i share, like blundstones (which are gender neutral, which is cool). i’m fascinated in how ppl express their Selves, & we are so unfortunately Finite in our bodies in the sense that that’s rly how the world, in our day to day interactions, processes who & what we are. so i invest in the care of mine by trying to listen to it, trying to make it comfortable—& clothing is a huge thing that can do that. also its fun so anyone who thinks loving (ethical, cool) fashion is vain can eat my ass

anyway lmao now i have a p decent sense, atm at least, of what makes my body its most comfortable (even if that is v far from Comfortable at times). i love my tattoos, & i basically never rly want long hair again i’m p sure, & i love makeup, & if i could wear vans or blundstones every day for the entirety of my life at this point that would be incredible. those are easy things, & i try to allow my body, in its cultural place, to have access to them as much as possible, which is so important to me in a sense of having access to a physical space that matches my mental space of gender identity. politically sometimes i feel v v much a “woman” in terms of my lived experience, & i allow that of myself as well. sometimes when i write it’s important to me that my poetry be read as a queer person but also someone who is culturally coded as a woman, bc those are still always central concerns of my work—the trauma, the power there. but day to day i’m mostly happy spending my time obsessing over other things, like what to call this new genre of music halsey & lorde are making, or why my dog stevie is a Fanatic when it comes to ice cubes. ive come to enough terms w my gender, & my sexuality—& the expression thereof—that unless someone is talking abt gender, or someone asks me a question, it’s not smth that is constantly on my mind, which is. Nice. its so nice lol. 

also i would like to point out that i know my experience being non binary is rly rly white & western in so many ways & i get that. my cultural experience of non binary gender is also v much this like. ive felt frustrated before but never in my life have i felt scared to be non-binary while i was like out & abt in the world, bc i still pass as a cis white woman literally everywhere all the time (which has its pros & cons but like, still, a lot of privilege). so i do try to keep all of that in mind as well when i try to center myself & all that jazz

& who tf knows where all of that will take me. i feel like, bc ive learned to listen to my body & my brain so much better than i did when i was younger—even when they might hate themselves—i am so much better at filling up a space in the world that occupies smth healthy. which is not smth i take lightly, & i’m also so open to changes, as long as they feel good & beneficial & true. which is sort of new for me. who knows man ur mid twenties are a wild ride 

[spikycharlotte]

:0 all of them

y’all better strap in

four jews in a room bitching / what’s your favorite stereotype for your religion?

haha i don’t really identify with one in particular? so i’m not sure.

a tight-knit family / who do you consider family?

i for sure believe “blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” while i do have family members whom i do love and am proud to call family, i don’t think the question is calling for that.

my best friends are like family to me, and i’d do anything for them. i also have a mentor/teacher, and he and his wife are like second parents to me.

love is blind / what makes a healthy relationship?

C O M M U N I C A T I O N ! ! ! you should NEVER be lying to your s/o!! and if your s/o does something you’re not comfortable with/makes you upset, TELL THEM! you shouldn’t be stewing, but also don’t enter the conversation angry and accusatory. and on the flip side, if your s/o comes to you with something you did, LISTEN TO THEM. apologize and explain yourself, even if it was just a misunderstanding! avoid becoming defensive. 

the thrill of first love / what’s something you’d kill for?

answered here!

marvin at the psychiatrist / do you ever feel like no one is listening to you when you talk?

i used to feel this way all the time, but i’ve recently become comfortable with saying, “excuse me, i was speaking” when i’m spoken over. also i find myself in lots of leadership positions in my day-to-day, so i’m pretty good at making myself heard.

my father’s a homo / could you/would you want to be president?

the idea (a loud, genderqueer, butch lesbian with the conscience to do the best for others) sounds great, but i’m not the person that fits that description to be president. i’m infj, so i’ve got the teacher personality, and that’s what i want to do!

everyone tells jason to see a psychiatrist / do people nag you consistently about something? if so, what?

this is such a #relatableteen answer but my room is a goddamn mess and my mom nags me on the daily to clean it (something i never do)

this had better come to a stop / what’s something people do that infuriates you?

i talked about this a little bit, but when people come to me with relationship issues and the issue could resolved so easily if instead of coming to me and telling me, they just went to their s/o. a problem cannot be resolved through outside sources.

i’m breaking down / what makes you crazy/pushes you over the edge?

answered here!

please come to our house / what was the last thing you did to help someone?

ummm to fit with the “therapy” theme of this the other night i helped a friend when she needed to vent about some crappy home things. 

jason’s therapy / what’s the worst advice you’ve ever been given?

i resent this question being with this song!!! i think mendel’s “feel alright” advice (while flawed) at its core is actually kind of pure and good! of course the way he gives it is bad (ignore your problems!)

but worst advice i’ve ever been given was i asked a friend towards the beginning of my last relationship if i should continue it and she said i should, and it ended much later and i was very unhappy throughout most of it. so that was pretty shitty. (i now have a very wonderful girlfriend who is currently having me answer all of these questions :-))

a marriage proposal / how would you want to be proposed to?

actually something very similar to how mendel does it! something private and lowkey, and just having someone word vomit their love for me sounds very cute and endearing.

however i always thought of myself as the one who would propose, so there’s that

a tight-knit family (reprise) / are you satisfied with what you have in life, or do you want more?

well as a student in high school it’s kind of hard to be satisfied, because there’s so much i want to do but i can’t as my student-ness prevents me from doing so.

but considering my place in life, i think i am quite happy!! i have a great gf, great friends, and i’m kind of excited for this school year!

trina’s song / what’s the worst interaction you’ve had with the opposite gender?

every interaction i’ve ever had with a male human being ever in my life. i could go on and on. but one that comes to mind is how one time a dude went on this huge rant during a teacher’s lecture about freud’s psychosexual theories about how homosexuality is an unnatural choice, all while continuing to glance at me to make sure he got his desired reaction

march of the falsettos / who’s the most immature person you know, and why?

um i know plenty, but the worst are some of my younger very intelligent female friends who are more focused on their boyfriends than their academics, which while i love and support them infuriate me to no end.

trina’s song (reprise) / have you ever settled for something better than you’d expected, but not as good as you’d hoped?

while this worked out for trina, as she soon would realize that mendel would be as good as she hoped, settling for less than you hope is never a good thing. 

i’ve always thought this, so i can’t really think of any examples

the chess game / what’s the most petty thing you’ve ever done?

perfect question for this song, op. 

i’ve done a lot of petty things in my life, bc i think everyone does. very recently though a girl was annoying the hell out of me trying to get me to tell her the answers for our summer hw and i gave her the entirely wrong answers.

making a home / how different are you in public than in private?

my personality is very much the same, but i’m obviously more in public. i don’t swear as much. and in private i talk to myself and sing loudly all the time which doesn’t make much sense to do in public

the games i play / do you ever wish you were doing more than you currently are?

constantly. i’m in high school so my options are grossly limited. i’m super excited to go to college and begin my teaching career. i just really want to help people!!

marvin hits trina / have you ever hated someone for being happy?

before i was in a better place like i am now, i really resented my best friend for getting a boyfriend for a while. but now i’m fine and very happy for the both of them.

i never wanted to love you / have you ever liked something you knew was bad? have you stopped?

um in middle school i liked sup/erwhol/ock despite the problematicness of them all (the other two more so than d/octor w/ho), if that’s what this means.

father to son / what is your relationship with your parents?

i love my mom a lot, she’s great. she had me in high school, and my bio dad split when he found out i existed, so i’ve never met him, but i also have no interest in doing so. i love my (step) dad a lot, but our relationship is kind of strained bc i don’t think he fully understands my being gay (even though he’s not rude or anything about it)

falsettoland/about time / do you use labels?

i actually quite like labels ? i like legitimizing my identity by finding out that other people feel the same way, and therefore have worked to put a name to it.

that’s also why i kind of like the femme/butch scale even though it was initially a joke, bc it acknowledges that not every lesbian is lipstick OR stone butch, and idk i kinda like it. but i do hate when nonlesbians ,,,,,, use it ,,,,,,, to describe lesbians,,,,, bc,,, it’s not for them…..

year of the child / when was the last time everything was about you?

idk prob my birthday parties… i don’t like being the perfect center of attention, i feel uncomfortable

miracle of judaism / what’s the last significant decision you had to make?

oh geez idk. i don’t make a lot of those… i can’t think of one right now.

the baseball game / do you play/like sports? which ones?

i do not like them really… i like badminton tho… that’s more of an activity and not a sport though

a day in falsettoland / what’s your daily routine like? 

during the summer, i wake up and fart around on the internet, unless i have somewhere to be. all the while texting maggie all day

everyone hates his parents / what was the last thing your parents did that pissed you off?

my mom is a really bad backseat driver. like swearing and anger is her brand of backseat driving. so it makes me super anxious and angry hearing someone constantly bitch while i’m trying to drive

what more can i say? / are you in love? have you ever been in love? what is it like? 

answered here! 

something bad is happening / do you get frustrated when you don’t know something?

yes i do. its a problem, especially as i’m on academic team

more racquetball / are you a sore loser/winner?

yes yes yes. mariokart comes to mind in particular. if i lose it was lagging or too many items were unfairly sent my way, or if i win everyone else sucks and i’m the best

holding to the ground / how do you react when things don’t go as planned?

i’m not the best. i’m a huge control freak, so when things don’t work out perfectly i freak out

days like this / are you an optimist, a pessimist, or a realist?

i think i’m like an.. optimistic realist? like i’m a realist, but with that i’m more likely to say “the worst case scenario is this, so at least that’s not happening”

canceling the bar mitzvah / how do you react under pressure?

i get stressed, but i also get my work done, so good and bad

unlikely lovers / do you have any friends who are extremely different from you?

yeah, a lot actually! i have one friend who listens to hard core rock stuff and has a bunch of piercings and has never listened to a musical in her life and i also have friends super into gymnastics and cheerleading and stuff. i love my friends!!

another miracle of judaism / if you could have anything right now, what would it be?

maggie, next to me

something bad is happening (reprise) / have you ever had to deliver some really bad news? how did it go? 

i had to explain to someone the oak/great comet drama, which was not fun. but i don’t think i’ve ever had to break super terrible bad news, especially not like what charlotte had to tell her best friend

you gotta die sometime / are you afraid of dying/death?

i don’t know…? the idea of nothingness is for sure daunting

jason’s bar mitzvah / what was the last big event you attended?

the other day i went to the first practice of the year for academic team! theres a lot of us and we had pizza and played and whatnot

falsettoland (reprise) / what do you want your legacy to be?

i just want people to remember me as someone who did their best to help others

[thotfuss]

hey i've been having some trouble and i was wondering if you could give me some advice, so i've id'ed as bi and i've noticed that i prefer girls but how do i know that it's just a preference and not compulsory heterosexuality that's dictating my attraction to guys? i've always been picky w guys and also i think most despite their sexuality can agree that men are just like unbearable most of the time lol so yeah how do i tell the difference btwn bi w preference for girls vs being a lesbian?

so this might not be the most helpful but I guess I can give my experience with this? 

I had id’d as bi since i came out which was I think last summer?? i think? and the label felt right for a while but my feelings kinda progressed from my initial reaction upon finally realizing i liked girls which was “i can just not come out, marry a guy, and never think about it again and i might not be happy but i won’t be miserable” to “i’m like 10% into girls specifically the one girl who made me realize i wasn’t straight” to “50-50 equal halves” to “i really just want to date girls but guys are annoying so that’s why so i’ll just say I have a preference for girls.” but the label really stopped feeling right i guess? mostly because I hated the idea of people thinking that I was actively interested in dating guys, so I tentatively started using the lesbian label and I still am right now and to be honest it still feels a little bit wrong but i think that’s because i’m still dealing with  lot of compulsory heterosexuality.

The thing that tipped me off was that I had NO problem being nice to guys, hanging out, doing that weird flirty banter, even saying i had a crush on them, etc, but as soon as a guy showed any hint of an interest in me like asked me to hang out 1 on 1 or gave me a hug, any time I imagined dating them, I would feel wildly uncomfortable and then usually I’d turn into a massive bitch and be really mean and ice them out because I didn’t know what else to do. So I finally realized i guess that I didn’t HAVE to date guys if I didn’t want to and while I still find some guys really attractive and am able to briefly entertain the idea of being into them, if I really think about the possibility of dating them it feels incredibly wrong. 

I guess my advice would be to see if you have any hints like this? like are you comfortable being romantic with a guy or does it make you feel gross and uncomfortable? Do you ever have crushes on guys and then hate it when it ever becomes a possibility? stuff like that. And also, don’t be afraid to “try on” the lesbian label. You’re not doing anything wrong by seeing if it fits. Practice thinking about yourself as a lesbian instead of as a bi person. Does it feel better? worse? 

Compulsory heterosexuality sucks and its SO confusing and honestly I think most of us are going to deal with it for a long time but you’ll be able to figure it out I promise, just don’t push yourself to label yourself as something that makes you uncomfortable. Good luck!