#i am a fourth gen stan at heart

[everywhere-all-around-the-world]

So anyway. In Bloom by Zb1, But Sometimes by Boy Next Door, and Trouble by EVNNE have been stampeding through my head all day so I'm hoping this signifies a natural shift into me stanning some early 5th gen groups

[itsjadacusbruhh]

I gave up on K-Pop back in 2018 and came back in 2023.

I was introduced to K-Pop back in 2009 by a family friend of mine who has seen me grow up. At that time, I was a young middle schooler who was curious about a plethora of things, especially music. I started learning to play the guitar but gave up after three lessons.

In 2009, I was learning the basics and what is now considered the fundamentals of the K-Pop world/industry. I was surprised to see that pop girl and boy groups were the majority of the K-Pop scene. The late 2000s was a time when boy groups were the face of the major labels, i.e., 2PM was the face of JYP; Super Junior was the face of SM, Big Bang of YG Entertainment, and BEAST of Cube Entertainment (wow, I'm dating myself here hahaha). Girls Generation had shaken the Hallyu wave, rising in popularity with their iconic songs Gee, Genie, Run Devil Run, and Mr. Taxi; all songs are super catchy with cute choreography that led many to learn and recognize. This was the beginning.

I've learned that idols would participate in variety shows and would sometimes collaborate with other idols from the same generation. It was through these shows that I would learn about their personalities and see another side to these people who have devoted so much of their time, effort, cultivated work ethics, and dedication to their craft. I didn't know I would feel so close to these people who would have no idea who I am. I didn't have my heart set on stanning one group. These second-generation idols were a bunch of Unnies and Oppas that I admired and wished they were legit my own.

As time progressed, more girl and boy groups would debut, and a new generation of K-pop groups would emerge. New trends would begin. New perspectives on the Idol industry would arise.

With these new groups emerging, it was becoming difficult to follow groups. I was into Running Man, and that was when I started liking an individual from a group. I realized how difficult it was for me to keep up with all these groups while most second-gen groups were on a hiatus or were bound to disband due to other activities the Unnies or Oppas started to participate in, such as acting.

In August 2016, Blackpink debuted and was known for their two songs, 휘팡람 WHISTLE, and BOOMBAYAH. They were one of the first K-pop groups to contribute to the trend of double title comebacks or promoting with two songs from their EP or full-length album. From there, groups started to hop on the trend. BTS's popularity was on the verge of slowly rising to where it would be today. I became overwhelmed trying to keep up with groups, and I became annoyed with fans who hopped on the ARMY fandom train. Fandom wars were starting, and I decided to give up on following the newest and latest albums that groups were releasing. I longed for the consistency that the second-gen groups were providing. I didn't realize how simpler things were during the height of second-gen groups.

The busyness of life started to catch onto me. I realized that I had better things to put my focus and attention towards. I ended up not actively listening to K-Pop from 2018 until January 2023. Since then, my life has changed, and I have found myself stanning a girl group with so much in store for them. I rediscovered all the K-pop songs that I hadn't listened to in a long time. I had a different perspective on my approach to K-pop and the Hallyu wave. I learned that as a fan or an active listener, I have a choice (song pops into my head, and I start humming and dancing); I can either make the most out of this or go back to how I viewed all of this before I left.

So here I am now, writing to whoever is reading this post. I'm a Unni or Nuna fan of these fourth-generation groups, a member of the Sunshine Protectors Club, and vested in one specific group that has changed my life.

[kimuramasaya]

omg taehun and junhyeok you are so valid for that!! do u want... some performance videos... some personality videos... what does your heart desire !!

taehun is the leader! he's an 02 and as is often the case w/ fourth gen idols is proficient in vocals, dance, and rap although he leans more towards vocals than rap! he's even-keeled and steady and like very warm. hard on himself. his instructors adore him for his good attitude and work ethic and the way he takes care of others. :')

junhyeok (meg beloved) is an 04. resident ace (vocals, rap, dance, writes lyrics and dabbles in production), but he is really a vocal powerhouse first and foremost. loves singing <3 wanted to be a balladeer initially. really sweet, has the world's cutest pet hamster. a boy who definitely has an older sister. absolute practice bug, first one in last one out sort of vibe.

<333

ooh they both sound rachel shaped love that. junhyeok really stood out to me in the mv though so he’s the front runner for now. we’ll see if that holds with stages.

I am fully ready to stan so I’ll happily accept whatever you have to share!

[anubisisms]

Anubis' Whole Entire Fic Rec List (2021 Edition)

Like four people seemed interested in this so fuck it, we're doing this. I've sorted the recs according to fandom and have their titles, ratings, word counts and main relationship. Hope this helps people find some good fics to read! Links for all the fics has been provided, just click the titles!

The fandoms in this list include BNHA, Haikyuu, ATLA, Star Wars (mostly Dad Vader fics) and a few assorted fics from other fandoms! Enjoy!

(Warning: this list will expose me for the Hawks and Zuko simp I am. I have no regrets)

Note: the '🌟🌟🌟' indicates my top recs on the list. Look out for them, because they are my absolute favourites :D

Boku No Hero Academia/My Hero Academia 僕のヒーローアカデミア

Hawks-Sensei by GC4life (Not Rated, 189k+, Hawks/Stress, Incomplete) 🌟🌟🌟 Hawks becomes a teacher at UA, my heart promptly explodes and I binge read the whole thing several times. The interplay between Hawks, Aizawa, the Commission and Classes 1-A and B is wonderful, and I hope for Hawks' sake that he gets a '#1 Teacher' mug at the end of this whole mess. Excellent character building for Class 1-B characters in here as well! Update: Currently re-reading this fic for the fourth time. I thrive off it like a drug. It is, officially, my top BNHA rec of all time!

Hawks Lays an Egg by ButterflyApocalypse (Rated T, 49k, DabiHawks, Complete) This fic, wherein as the title suggests, Hawks lays an egg, made me ascend to another dimension. I choked on my own spit several times reading it. Absolute delight. Complete masterpiece. 100/10 would read over and over until the end of time.

Feathers, Fabric, Father Figures, and Other F-Words on Hawks' Mind by Sif/Rosae (Rated T, 44k, Hawks & Best Jeanist, Complete) Hawks basically becoming Best Jeanist's surrogate son is something I never knew I needed until now, but this fic both provides and fulfils that need beautifully. This one is very rereadable for me and I enthusiastically push it onto basically every BNHA fanfic reader I can find.

Summer Stars by PitViperofDoom (Rated T, 61k, TodoDeku, Complete) This one is hugely popular, for good reason, but it's become something of a comfort fic over the years. The plot is great, the matter of the Todoroki family situation is handled well, and it's just a good bite-sized (for me, anyway) fic to spend an afternoon or two reading!

journey to the past by aloneintherain (Rated T, 44k, Class 1A & Midoriya, Complete) This is another hugely popular one, but damn it, they're popular for a reason! Time travel fics are always great fun, but the unexpected emotional punches involved with this one really make it stand out for me. Another very rereadable one!

The Hooliganisms Series by Anonymous (Rated T, 2 works so far, 17k, Incomplete) This whole series is a stroke of comedic genius. The twitter formatting on the first fic is great (and hilarious) and the way the story progresses is just *chefs kiss*.

Relearn the Skies by BlackKittens (Rated M, 175k+, DabiHawks (minor), Incomplete) If you want more Hawks angst than you know what to do with, I recommend this beast of a fic here. It's full of sadness for what is technically a baby fic. And well-written enough that it made me, a hater of baby fics, get crazy invested and read it over and over.

The Return of Superman by kummibear (Rated T, 149k, Todofam, Complete) It's a todofam fic that made me, a Todoroki and Dabi stan, LOVE Endeavour. I can't even express the power this author holds. It's immense. Please check this one out! It's the redemption arc we deserve!

Three Down, One to Go by Vanta22exual (Rated T, 7k, Gen, Complete) TW: Suicidal contemplation For a fic that is based around several characters I like a fair amount contemplating suicide (and almost going through with it), this fic is a surprising entry on this list for me. But the writing is stellar, the topic is handled gracefully, and the ending made me physically screech. Highly recommend if you can get past the subject matter!

Fire in the Mountains by EllaBesmirched/El_Bell (Rated E (spicy), 167k, TodoBaku, Complete) Me? Loving a fantasy au? Of course I do. This one gets rather explicit and does dive into polyamory territory, but it does it very very well! All the relationships are well-established and the setup is also great. The slow progression from complete cultural misunderstanding to legitimate affection that TodoBaku go down in this fic is a rollercoaster and a half.

decision height by blueskiddoo (Rated T, 58k, DabiHawks, Complete) I'm a fan of Spy/Villain Hawks fics in general, so this one was right down my alley. The internal conflict aspect of the fic is done extremely well and every little implication that Hawks is becoming more 'villainous' had me impatiently clicking onto the next chapter. I highly recommend it!

Haikyuu!!

He Waits for a Miracle by ich_bin_ein_stern (Not Rated, 39k+, KageHina, Incomplete) 🌟🌟🌟 I. Love. Time. Travel. Fics. And this one is especially good! The development of the Kageyama family dynamic (different to canon I should point out) is good and I also really enjoy how he interplays with Kitagawa here. It seems to be on a long hiatus/abandoned but what is already there is more than worth reading!

I wanna ruin our friendship by roseknight (Rated T, 71k, IwaOi, Complete) The slow progression of IwaOi in this fic is really well done, and the aspects of homophobia - both external and internalised - were also handled well. It's just a really good fic guys.

meet me at the fucking pit (and let me hold your hand) by anyadisee (Rated T, 5k, KyouHaba, Complete) Just a solid crack fic with well done miscommunication, adorably awkward teenagers being themselves, and a good resolution.

hand study by berfinwrites (Rated E, 84k, SakuAtsu, Complete) This one is full of smut, angst and character development. Of COURSE it's going on my rec list. The story is great and I think well captures the less 'clean' parts of the SakuAtsu dynamic. Go read it!

Avatar: The Last Airbender

Salvage by MuffinLance (Rated T, 127k, Zuko & Hakoda, Complete) This fic is just a great big *chef's kiss* moment. The slow building of trust between Zuko and the Southern Water Tribe warriors is done excellently, and the author perfectly captures both Zuko's 'determined/stubborn villain' and 'compassionate but scared kid' sides. Overall just an excellent fic and a necessary one for any true ATLA fans!

suffer the pain of losing your firstborn by TheTartWitch (Rated T, 3k, Zuko & Azulon, Complete) This oneshot is short, sweet, and hits you right in the feels. The words "what if Azulon really really loved his grandson?" wasn't necessarily a question I asked myself, but this fic gave the best possible answer.

lessons in tea-making by aloneintherain (Rated G, 20k+, Zuko & The Gaang, Incomplete) I'm always a fan of 'what-if' type stories, and this one delivers perfectly on the promise to give us a 'what if Zuko gave up on his search early into his banishment?' scenario. And it is superb. Even incomplete it's a great read and I hope to see more of it someday!

self-fulfilling prophecy by TheAndromedaRecord (Rated G, 1.9k, Zukka, Complete) I've personally never gotten much into the ships of ATLA, but this fic made me understand and develop an inherent fondness for Zuko/Sokka. It's only a small fic but well worth the read; the hilarity of Sokka questioning which of the Fire Nation royal family he's going to marry is hilarious and also perfectly in character!

Star Wars + The Mandalorian

The Civil Wars, Whistleblower Tactics, Schematic Drafting, And The Finer Points Of Sith Adoption: The Essential How-To Guide For The Engineering Jedi Series by Jackdaw_Kraai (SW: Original Trilogy, 4 fics, Rated T-M, 384k+, Luke and Vader, Incomplete) 🌟🌟🌟I've been chipping away at this series for a few weeks now, and not only is the sheer planned scope absolutely remarkable, but the fics themselves are absolutely unbelievable. The worldbuilding, attention to detail and meticulous character development, especially of original characters, makes the whole series an absolute delight. I couldn't possibly rec just one of the works, so have my recommendation for all of them. It's a well deserved rec!!

Black Squadron by Azalea_Scroggs (SW: Original Trilogy/Clone Wars, Rated T, 114k, Luke & Vader, Complete) I read this in one day, and it's 114k, so I think that gives you a good idea of how much I love it. I'm a slut for Dad Vader and this fic delivers! Everything from the setting to the relationship development to the minor characters and their interactions with Luke are pitch perfect. This is probably one of my favourite fics ever so READ IT IF YOU LIKE STAR WARS OT.

The Beauty in the Beast by SpellCleaver (SW: Original Trilogy, Rated T, 46k, Luke & Vader, Complete) *slams fist on table* Dad Vader is the best Vader! I have stood by that statement since first watching Star Wars and I stand by it now. The scenario is the kind of "fuck it, the force" fic I love best about Star Wars, and the relationship between Luke and Vader develops beautifully. I will adore any Dad Vader fic but this one is especially worthy of love!

More Than His Armor by twoseas (The Mandalorian, Rated T, 12k, DinLuke, Complete) I'll be honest, I never considered Din/Luke as a ship until I was informed of it's existence by a ColeyDoesThings video, but this fic helped convince me about it! The pacing is great, and the setting of Din and Luke getting to know each other in the background of both caring for Grogu is wonderful.

A Source of Warmth by CoffeeQuill (The Mandalorian, Rated G, 14k, Din & Grogu, Complete) Just a fic full of warm and fuzzy Dad Djarin moments that I love. The father-son dynamic is built up well and all the interactions between them are incredibly sweet!

Assorted Fic Recs

Blackboards and Broomsticks by Glisseo (Harry Potter, Rated G, 98k+, Gen with minor Hinny, Incomplete) 🌟🌟🌟 I'm not really a Harry Potter fanfic person. I'll scoot around AO3 maybe once every few months and read a handful, but I've never really had any specific fondness for HP fics. Until this one. I've never binge-read a HP fic faster, nor subscribed to one so rapidly I almost crushed my laptop keyboard. It's good. It's really, really good.

a foreigner called candor by kallliope (Six of Crows, Not Rated, 2.9k, Kanej, Complete) I love the Grishaverse and this fic is probably my Grishaverse comfort fic. Kaz being forced to tell the truth = hilarity, fluff and general confusion in equal measure. The relationships between the crows are all done very well, as is the handling of Kanej.

Kaz Brekker's Five Truths and One Story by BluesYoghurt (Six of Crows, Rated T, 13k, Crows & Kaz, Complete) I'm a slut for Kaz actually opening up to all his friends and this fic delivers wonderfully on that premise. The surprising intimacy of the last chapter also always hits hard.

The Truth Will Set You Free by sorbriquette (Carry On (Rainbow Rowell), Rated T, 45k, Simon/Baz, Complete) I only dipped my toes into the Carry On fandom briefly after reading the book, but this fic stuck out in my head and stayed there. I love any kind of truth spell/serum story and this one hits the nail on the head. I recommend it!

And that's a wrap! Check out the top recs of mine, which I've listed again here for convenience:

Hawks-Sensei by GC4life (BNHA)

The Civil Wars, Whistleblower Tactics, Schematic Drafting, And The Finer Points Of Sith Adoption: The Essential How-To Guide For The Engineering Jedi Series by Jackdaw_Kraai (Star Wars: Original Trilogy)

Blackboards and Broomsticks by Glisseo (Harry Potter)

He Waits for a Miracle by ich_bin_ein_stern (Haikyuu)

[grittyreadsfic]

been seeing underappreciated fic rec lists going around, so here are some of my top fics that deserved more attention, on a list that might have gotten it’s title from a DCOM: gonna let the light shine on me

note: for this fic, i used the criteria that it had under 250 kudos, though the bulk of these fall into the under 150 category, and that they’ve been around for a few weeks at least. 

further and fast and gone after disaster by penaltyboxed

pairing: n/a, gen

summary: Robby had made his agent request the trade instead of asking for it himself.

Something about the idea of verbally admitting how badly he needed to get out of St. Louis kind of killed him inside. He didn’t even care where he went, not really. He just desperately wanted to be out of electric blue and gold, wanted to skate anywhere else, wanted to feel like he actually mattered to a team. Any team. Anywhere in the league that would take a disappointing excuse of a first round pick with ‘injury prone’ tattooed across his forehead. His name was on the fucking Stanley Cup and it just felt so cheap, and evil, in a cosmic sort of way. He was trying to exorcise the chorus of Gloria from his brain for the rest of his life.

So his agent had texted him: What about Detroit? Armstrong and the front office r willing to trade u for a kid named De La Rose.

And then his agent had texted him again: I can get u 1 for 1 but thats probably as good as its gonna be

why i love it: i’ve never loved a gen fic as much i love this one. it’s an absolutely beautiful character study of robby, and is some of the best writing of emotion that i’ve ever encountered. it’s such a perfectly crafted fic, and it made me want to care about the red wings (i team i literally know nothing about)

i’ve never been a natural (all i do is try, try, try) by iwantthemtostay ( @iwantthemtostay​ )

pairing: connor mcdavid/dylan strome

summary:  In June 2015 Dylan gets drafted fourth overall by the Toronto Maple Leafs, in August his boyfriend breaks up with him. In July 2026 said ex signs with the Leafs. In the months that follow they work things out.

why i love it: this author has actually written two of my favorite mcstrome fics ever, and i recced the other one of theirs pretty recently. this fic has some of the best platonic dynamics, which adds such a nice depth to the story and the secondary characters. the pacing of it is absolutely perfect, and it felt like such a realistic way that connor and dylan could have come back together.

we’ve moved on again by stromesquad 

pairing: travis konecny/dylan strome

summary: Dylan isn’t expecting his phone to ring during the second day of the 2023 draft, but it does, and it’s Stan Bowman.

“Hello,” Dylan answers.

“Hi, Dylan. I am calling to let you know you’ve been traded to Philadelphia. Thank you for your hard work and dedication here in Chicago, and we in management and the coaching staff wish you the very best for your future. Chuck Fletcher should be reaching out to you soon.”

why i loved it: i love trade fics, for the narrative, and i love trade fics that are actually trades i wish would happen in the real world. it’s such a great look into how dylan handles it all-the move, the break up, the gradual way he falls for tk, how he makes a home for himself in philly and on the flyers-and the pairing is one i would never have thought of, but now i wish there were so many more fics for them

step out into the wild by jamesvanriemsdick ( @jamesvanriemsdick​ )

pairings: travis konency/nolan patrick

summary: Travis Konecny doesn’t stop talking—Nolan finds he doesn’t mind, though, not when Travis fills up the space where the city’s heartbeat should be, not when he makes Nolan feel so, so alive, like there’s electricity running under his skin instead of just blood and bone and muscle.

why i love it: i was torn between putting a fic from this series or once in twenty life times, but i’m fairly certain i recced that one recently so. technically you could read my essay length comments on any of the fics in this series and you’d get all of my very indepth thoughts on this, but the the tldr is that i’m a sucker for magical realism and a little bit in love with the city of philadelphia, and this fic-the whole series-just does it for me. i love the concept of the heartbeats, of all the different way the city makes its claim known, and nolan’s is my favorite of the three. 

i didn’t have it in myself to go with grace by crookedsilence ( @crooked-silence​ )

pairing: nathan mackinnon/cale makar

summary:  It takes one morning for Cale’s entire life to change. One morning and a wish he didn’t know he made.

why i love it: wishbaby fics are one of my absolute favorite things to read, and this one is an absolutely perfect one. the domesticity, the way it’s so obvious who the second parent is, but cale takes forever to put it together, the complex and messy and conflicting emotions that this kind of situation would create-it’s really got it all and is such a wonderful read

somewhere where the summer lasts all year ‘round by jvrcus

pairing: jamie benn/tyler seguin

summary:  Edmonton was cold, so Tyler goes somewhere warm.

why i love it: ao3 user jvrcus if you see this please know that i looked at your page for a solid 15 minutes trying to decide which fic to puton this list because they’re all perfect. this author is one of my favorite writers when it comes to imagery, and this fic is such a great example of that. this fic is really just a series of moments that feel too intimate to witness, which is what i love in a fic

this feels like falling in love by bageldiscourse

pairing: jt compher/tyson jost/alexander kerfoot

summary: Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? Alexander would like to believe that, but he couldn’t imagine a fondness stronger than the one he feels every time he’s around them. He couldn’t imagine a world where his heart doesn’t skip a beat every time J.T. smiles, easy and pleased and, underneath it all, a little vulnerable. Or—when Tyson volunteers to help Alexander make brownies, and looks over at Alexander, the bridge of his nose dusted with flour and his hands sticky with chocolate.

When the three of them are driving to practice in the morning, Alexander in the backseat and Tyson and J.T. holding hands and Alexander just—wanting.

why i love it: part why i adore this fic is just the structure, how it’s set up that there’s a fact or anecdote about alexander, and then there’s a way that it relates to jt and tyson. alexander calls the two of them the closest thing to soulmates, but this structure makes it feel like all three of them are just linked somehow, and it’s a very sweet fic

nobody left but us by capsize (copenhagenborn)

pairing: tyson barrie/gabe landeskog

summary: Tyson is traded to the Toronto Maple Leafs in July, and it's fine, really.

It's not like his life is falling apart or anything.

why i love it: again, i love trade fics, and this one is one of my favorites because of it’s characterization of tyson. he spends most of the fic trying to help others, focusing on the issues someone else is experiencing, in order to avoid thinking about his own problems. it leads to some really great parallels in the fic, and the author crafted such  a beautiful, layered, and compelling story because of it

[the-guccidamn]

a decade; an entry.

it’s december 31st and weirdly enough, i just want to cry. over what? i have no idea, i am still trying to figure out. maybe because it’s not only the year ending, but a whole ass decade. maybe because exo is having a concert right now and i stopped streaming because i am afraid it might really be their last. maybe because the holidays, in general, are making me upset. i don’t know, i just feel upset.

but i wanted to do a recap just for the sake of it. scratch that, tbh i am just one of those sentimental human beings who love going back and remembering. 

so here goes.

2010

graduated elementary with flying colors. valedictorian. i remember being just so eager to learn, to be the best, to achieve and achieve and achieve things - as many as i can. i remember entering high school and being blown away by the presence of new people. high school made things more interesting - socially. i belonged to squads. i had legit crushes that turned into heartbreaks (or so i thought back then). high school drama was also prominent, was it even high school without it? everything was just so new, refreshing, interesting and there i was still trying to be on top of it - in a good way. or not. i tried to blend in, to belong, whilst aiming for that first honor medal. this was also the year i cried for the first time because i was not able to attend a damn concert. i hate u justin bieber for making me feel distraught that day in may. i also hate the fact that i did not know it was going to be our last annual family outing. corregidor was still a place to revisit though, thanks to the history attached to it - no, i don’t think i liked their beach very much.

2011

a continuation of the eager version of me. you know this year might have been my calmest and chillest year had it not been for the fact that my family’s life turned upside down. my dad got diagnosed with cancer and well, you can say nothing has been the same ever since. it wasn’t until i am typing this that i realized how traumatic that year was. sudden visits to the hospitals. me being on edge all the time. me trying to be the same eager vane who wants to achieve as many as she can to make her parents proud, while trying to hide the fact that she is so so SO SCARED of what might happen. looking back, i tried so hard to busy myself with academics, with friends, just so i wouldn’t have to dwell with my family’s current situation. home made me so stressed - emotionally and mentally, but i couldn’t just run away because i knew back then that it would be such a waste of time and energy and just - i did not wanna regret anything. it was also the year when i sprained my ankle during sparring. we took Taekwondo classes - would have been a black belter or somewhere close to that if we continued it though, i mean maybe.

2012

the inevitable happened. 5 became 4. and i don’t know. to be honest, i am currently contemplating whether or not i have cried enough during that year, or even allowed myself enough time needed to just feel the pain because i don’t think it has healed yet. or will it ever be healed? does time really heal all wounds, or does it just make them more tolerable? it is pathetic but i can trace everything that i have been hurting about lately to this year alone. my heart literally breaks every now and then, and every now and then i try so hard to mend it because who wants to live the rest of their lives with a shattered heart? goodness me. i spent the summer of it acting though, and preparing for my first ever musical appearance. the workshop was satisfying as i got compliments for my acting. little did they know that every day i attended it was me already acting out that i was, in fact, okay and not on the verge of crying. it’s funny because 2012 was also the year when a huge turn point of my whole identity happened. it was during the time when i was tolerating the pain of having my wisdom teeth removed, and out of boredom i searched One Direction on Youtube - the rest was history. One Direction literally became my savers, distraction, whatever you can call it. It was unhealthy, in some part, yes, but at least I do not feel devastated, at loss, sui***al. It was such a big change. I am still the eager vane who tried to achieve and achieve but now a new reason was added, it’s to be worthy of asking a concert ticket just in case 1d decided to pay Manila a visit. I was such a sucker for them. it was when i discovered stan twitter, new people who are also “like me”, exposed to new cultures, time differences, the fangirl culture - oh the fan parties what fun. I hated and loved niall, louis, liam, zayn and harry (OH HARRY) at the same time. along with my fangirl awakening, 2012 was the year when i attended my first ever concert. it was of the jonas brothers. i won the ticket through twitter out of sheer desperation (i even skipped school because i was just so upset at the thought of not going) and then there i was. found myself inside moa arena, alone, in lowerbox. and when when you looked me in the eyes played, a wave of feelings hit me. i felt at home. the moment, i left the arena, there was a newly discovered need of attending concerts inside me already. i also got braces this year.

2013

if this was the peak of 1d, this was the peak of my high school life i guess. or was it because i was in my fourth year? nonetheless, i remember just feeling so high that year. figuratively. i was so busy with academics and fangirling i had no time to feel low. do you get what i am saying? it was sort of the year where everything in my life is fitting into places. i really busied myself with trying to achieve as many as i can because i wanted to be the class valedictorian. i joined the interschool youth month event - there’s a fake council meeting we had back then, and i remember feeling so giddy that they picked my proposal. i also made friends with the people i met there. i had felt accomplished when i was able to write and finish a script for a play - which i also directed, and played in. i felt so so sooo proud of myself for performing a monologue during the talent contest of the most outstanding student of muntinlupa, and even more so when i learned i placed 12th. i felt so accomplished for being the student council’s president, for contributing to the choreo of our cheerdance, for winning the field demonstration, for having lots of hohol with friends, for getting a passing score during the mock UPCAT, and even more so for passing UPCAT, and even UST (damn you, Ateneo). 2013 made me feel i had everything figured out.

2014

Assumption College - man, I did not expect to end here. an all girls’ school, really? but it’s still a prestigious one so...... i hated myself for not pursuing UST or UPLB. talk about culture shock, this was what this year was all about. it’s a blur now, honestly. i remembered just trying so hard to belong again. i tried to blend in to the elite girls there - whilst sticking to my identity. i did not join any clubs, although i wanted to, because as an academic scholar, i had to see if i would be able to balance them out if ever. but i also remember trying to fulfill my uaap dreams - it was the year i became so obsessed with uaap men’s basketball (hello, von pessumal), i went to real games (thank u sweet anne and vhon) and i event went to the cheerdance competition. and it did not happen again lol. 2014 was just the year of frosh vane and everyone in college being surprised that i do well academically.

2015

now this is a pretty interesting year. would i like to relive it? 95% yes. the 5% is because this was the year zayn left 1d, broke my heart and had me healing it for 4 months. anyway, to start, i attended two concerts this year. 1st was The Vamps - this was just impulsive. i liked them but did not really stan. now idk the main reason why i pushed myself so hard to find a gen-ad ticket for their show - but hey their music was my jam back then, also i learned that gen-ad was for desperate people only because it was so high my acrophobia was shaking so there you go. i attended Graphika as well that year - i was enlightened of what my program could do, guess it was the start of falling in “like” for my program which i also chose impulsively. the second concert was the one and only, of One Direction. BEST DAY STILL. ONE FOR THE BOOKS. AN ACTUAL CONCERT I WAITED FOR. I REMEMBER HOW HAPPY I FELT THAT DAY DESPITE THE SHITTY EXPERIENCE OF LINING UP UNDER THE SUN FOR 11 HOURS (little did i know it was nothing compared to what i would be doing now). BUT MY GOODNESS, SEEING THEM FOR THE FIRST TIME LIVE, EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE ONLY FOUR, WAS ENOUGH. I FELT SO HIGH AND JUST GENUINELY HAPPY I WAS SCREAMING AND CRYING THAT NIGHT. I LOVE ONE DIRECTION 5EVER. I FELT SO LOVED BACK THEN IDK EXACTLY HOW IT HAPPENED BUT I JUST DID AND I ALSO REMEMBER NOT WANTING TO LEAVE THE CONCERT GROUNDS AND NOT WANTING IT TO END. but zayn left, 4 days later. man, it felt like a real breakup, and i did not even have a boyfriend so. thankfully, my school went through an academic calendar shift meaning we had 4 months of vacation so i was able to mend it during that time and enjoyed watching tons and tons of movies and series. also, my family was able to go to Baguio after so many years, there’s that. anyway i went back to school with a newly appreciation and knowledge for films whilst sporting my new short hair look. the first semester of my sophomore year was a blast - i felt like a real communication arts student for the first time. we spent our days editing, shooting, script writing, acting, concept making, IT WAS FUN AND I LOVED IT SO SO SO MUCH. even more so when my pieces got compliments and praises from my professors, i was so pleased with myself. the second half of 2015 was me putting a twist to my college life. i joined a club, and not just any club, i joined the school’s dance company. hip-hop team. with a legit coach (no pun intended). and dare i say it was life changing? i learned a lot since then. values that only a dedicated student-athlete can understand. looking back, auditioning for tadc (no matter how scary it went) was an A+ decision. i would audition again tbvh. it opened me to a new community and experiences not everyone has the privilege to have. trainings may have been tough but the bliss you feel after every successful run was enough to keep going. 

2016

I TURNED 18. it was the year i had my jade west phase. i had no regrets. it was the year when i had my first ever dance competition - we lost 1st place though, but it was motivation for me to not leave the group and continue to strive for the better. 2016 WAS THE YEAR FOR FANGIRL VANE. I SAW 5 SECONDS OF SUMMER. LIVE. IT WAS AS AMAZING AS EVER. after camping out for the first time just for the sake of buying a ticket with soundcheck inclusions, did not buy it myself though because i had a performance at the same time, I FINALLY GOT TO BE IN THE VIP MOSHPIT OF THE BAND I LOVE THE MOST. IT WAS A THRILLING ROLLERCOASTER NIGHT. I DANCED SO HARD. CRIED BECAUSE THE SONGS BROUGHT SO MUCH MEMORIES. FREAKED OUT BECAUSE LUKE MY BOYFRIEND HEMMINGS WAS JUST AN ARM AWAY. I ALSO GOT MICHAEL’S GUITAR PICK. I CAN SAFELY SAY I WON THAT DAY. I WANTED TO DO IT AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN. 2016 was when i really busied myself in dancing. my first crissa competition and let me tell you how fulfilling it was to compete with top schools and perform on the same stage as them. who could have thought i would be performing at the big dome, right? it’s really just me and my growth as a dancer for 2016. oh and my slowly coming back to the kdrama/kpop world.

2017

EXO. THE PLOT TWIST OF MY 2017. the moment i impulsively attended THE EXORDIUM IN MANILA, i was in it for life. it was 1d all over again. I SPENT DAYS FANGIRLING, KEEPING UP, WATCHING FANCAMS AND VIDEOS. READING SEKAI FICS. ACTUALLY BUYING ALBUMS AND MERCH. AND WOW JUST A NEW FANDOM CULTURE TO LEARN AND DROWN MYSELF IN. EXO was meant to be though, knew it when i danced to Growl back in 2013 but never did i think i would be in it SOOOOO DEEP. THE IMPULSIVE DECISION TO ATTEND THEIR CONCERT WAS SO WORTH IT. I FELT SO SO SO HIGH AGAIN AND ANOTHER KIND OF BONAFIDE HAPPINESS. i am thankful to have found another distraction/motivation especially when things are getting hard in school. campaigns here, campaigns there. and thesis. stupid thesis. it’s really that thing in school that will make you cry. 2017 was also my last academic year. my senior year in college. and it changed a lot in school especially when you are part of organizations, it gets busier than ever, more schedules, you cannot keep up. i cannot believe i was able to balance thesis, academics and tadc especially on the last quarter of the year. had to study, submit requirements, train endlessly, at the same time i was honestly going insane. HOWEVER, TADC CAME IN 4TH PLACE DURING CRISSA FINALS with a team consisted of half rookies HU TO THE RRAH. I also became more committed to the team than ever :( i never expected it but i guess such things happen when you actually do like what you are doing. coach vimi also acknowledged me a lot this year :( i felt so pleased again.

2018

i really don’t wanna remember this year. after graduation, my mental health dropped to an all time low. i was paranoid, insane, anxious. it was the start. i also got an appendicitis and underwent appendectomy this year. but hey, on december i got a stable job at a well-known accounting firm (uh, what? right). earlier during this year though, i saw exo again for the 2nd time. it was bittersweet, i swore to do better for the next tour. and yes, for all it’s worth, for all those times i strived so hard to get an uno whilst being surrounded by org commitments and pagod na ako moods, i graduated magna cum laude from assumption college. still, a win for me. oh and 2018, i finally got my braces off.

2019

here it is, the last year year of this decade. what can i say? to be honest, it was just me holding my mental health in. there were worst days, but there were also the best days. best days include me lining up for 30 hours for an exo ticket (with camila, and surprisingly, my mom). it ended up with me feeling blessed and grateful, and my heart full. of course, there’s the concert itself. seeing exo for the third time doesn’t really feel different compared to the first time i saw them last 2017. they were down 3 members yes, but i still felt so happy to share that moment with them. that’s when i knew i was really in it for life. best days also include me accomplishing my tasks in my work with flourish, getting compliments from my boss. oh and it also includes the outings i had with my family. went to the beach twice this year - first in batangas, second in pagudpud. cried in batangas because it has really been so long and beaches remind me of the good old times. in ilocos, it went well, i am glad we got to see that despite our situation, outings like this are still possible. i am so glad to say, or rather write, that i am ending this year and this decade, with a calm heart. i am happy, as happy as i can be this year. we had a pleasant staycation during Christmas. and i finally handed in my resignation, plus i got to have 2 weeks off thanks to my approved VL. exo made me cry though :( i hope to see them still next year.

for 2020, and for the next decade, i hope to be happy. the genuine happy. i pray that my family would be healthy, stress-free and happy, and complete. i pray that everything will go well with my new job. i pray that i will be able to do more outings with my family (even internationally, please). as for the little things, i hope i can fix my back problems, i hope i can continue to write (even just sekai fics), i hope i can visit south korea for an exo concert, i hope i can attend more concerts, i hope for the little things that will make me happy. i hope nothing more but a healthy and bounty new year and decade for me, my family, my relatives, and my friends, especially to those who cared. i will also include the people who need it the most, and this country as well, because i just can’t stand seeing people have less while some have more. anyway, cheers.