#i am a fan of both so I rlly just gotta decide on which origin planet makes more sense

[hellsitedotcom]

not sure if my 2nd species should be inspired by bugs/arachnids or by horned animals hmmm

[i-amthenugget]

long ass vent or something so read @ ur own risk

So we venting because I gotta type all this shit out so that I can get over it or something u know? Ok so. Vent undercut!

I had this friend who I never rlly felt like I could state my opinion with. They're rlly opinionated and a few times if I had an opinion they didn't agree with they would just not talk to me for like a day or two. We were in this group chat, and I'd be active in the group chat and I'd see them reading my texts and never responding despite them being one of the people who responded pretty normally most of the time. Obviously people can just be busy sometimes but it happened a lot after they disagreed with me and I feel like most of the time they were just ghosting me. So basically I agreed with them on a lot of things I didn't rlly agree on, and I'd put a lot of thought into some texts because some times I just didn't know what kind of things might make them ghost me. It honestly made me feel like shit a lot of the time and I never brought it up because what if they just ghosted me? And they're friends with a lot of my friends so I'm thinking "wow what if this makes them hate me, and then our friends decide they'd choose them over me, etc." and I didn't want to lose all my friends! Especially when we're all in college and don't see each other as much. Admittedly I should not have to worry that my friends will choose someone over me. But I'm anxious about it so I'm preparing for the worst. So I stay quiet about these things.

But a month or maybe a month and half ago, my mother volunteers me to babysit some kids. And I'm in the group chat like "I don't like kids why would I get volunteered for this, don't get me wrong I wouldn't be an asshole to kids but I'd like to avoid them." To which they disagree with me. Obviously they think it's pretty shitty of me to not like kids. I've gotten this a lot and I'm over it. I'm like. I'm not an asshole to kids. I think they're annoying and don't like looking after them and don't want any kids. But I know it's not they're fault their kids! I'm not gonna be rude to kids just because they're kids. But I still don't like them! I say this in the group chat but this friend ain't rlly having it so they don't talk to me for the day or whatever and I'm still going about my business like I normally would. But the time passes and I'm like. Nah fuck it. I'm sick of being ghosted. So in retaliation, I ghost them. I was like if ur gonna ghost me all the time I will simply ghost u back! And at the time I was upset with another friend in the group chat so I left the group chat. I didn't talk to the original friend at all, though I easily expressed my feelings to the other one and every thing was fine with them.

After a week this friend comes and dms me and apologizes for disagreeing with me about kids. This isn't the main reason I'm not talking to them, but they're actually apologizing and that's wild. As I said before they're rlly opinionated so I feel like they wouldn't often apologize for having different opinions. So I go back to the group chat and everything's fine for like a day.

But then they're just not responding to anything for awhile. I'm thinking. Well I didn't do anything wrong.... must be a personal problem? They're posting on their Snapchat story that they're crying a ton and so I dm them I'm like. "Hey idk how to show u I rlly do care about u other than saying I think u should talk to someone." I'm rlly trying to help! But they snap at me in response! They're like "what makes you think I'm not talking to people" and I'm really trying to be more open with them so I let them know, I say I feel like they aren't usually the kind of person to talk about what's bothering them and they tell me they are talking to people and I'm like. Ok then. Sorry for trying u know??? And then they go back to not saying anything.

A few days pass and they go in the group chat accusing me and another friend of vaguing about them on twitter. They had posted something about kpop fans never shutting up on their tumblr, and around that time I had posted on twitter saying that I never shut up about things way before I got into kpop. I had posted this because my dad was complaining about it and I was sick of it. But someone sent them an anon on tumblr saying that that's just how all fandoms are, and they thought I was the anon! So they stalked me on twitter (they never followed me so they wouldn't have seen my post otherwise) and concluded that I must've seen their tumblr post, sent them an anon, and then vagued about it on twitter. I don't follow them on tumblr so I didn't even see the post until they brought it up in the group chat.

But still they're accusing me of this. I tell them I wasn't vaguing about them, it was in fact about my family, etc. they're saying it's too much of a coincidence. But I didn't vague! So what am I gonna do?? I'm not gonna apologize because I blatantly didn't do anything? Not to mention they brought it up in the group chat. There were two other people in that group chat that had nothing to do with the whole situation, but this friend decided it was "their right to know the whole story" like. What? But they have nothing to do with it? But ok.

Anyway my other friend admits that she was vaguing, and they have their own argument, and then the original friend says we all need to change.

Like. I still never did anything wrong and I simply don't see how I need to change? So I say I have nothing to change and everything ends there and it's like. Ok awkward ig. But things eventually continue as normal in the group chat, except they seem to refuse to say almost anything to me.

A week passed and I'm like. I'm sick of this fr and I text them like "anyway do u hate me now??" And they're like "I don't hate u but I need some space and we both need to work hard but u said u don't need to change so it'll be awhile before we can become friends again" (ofc I am paraphrasing this all so take that how u will). I'm like. Wym I need to change? I didn't do anything wrong??? Ur the one who accused me of vaguing when I didn't??? Ur the one who ghosted all the time??? They're like "how was I supposed to know you weren't vaguing about me?" And "I was saying we all need to change so that we can all be more honest with each other and open with each other" like. Any time I wasn't honest with you I was just agreeing with you so that you wouldn't ghost me but okay I'm definitely one of the people at fault for not being able to trust each other. I STILL don't know what they mean "we need to be more open and honest with each other" like? Any other time I was open and honest with them??? But also they're like "you ghosted me for a week because we argued about kids" and then they accused me of saying they weren't important enough for me to think about! Okay I NEVER did that?? And I have a friend who agreed they don't remember me ever saying that. The most I might've said is "not everything's about you" harsh perhaps but! Not what they claimed I said. Not to mention I didn't ghost you for a week because of kids I ghosted you because I was sick of you ghosting me! But ok! Anyway they go on to say that "if we can't figure this out without fighting then we shouldn't be friends" Pretty much all I've done is defend myself against ur accusations and say I don't need to change because I don't. But like ok! I'm like. I never said you weren't important and I'm justified in my ghosting! They did that shit and just had everything go back to normal so many times I think I can be mad once okay. Im rlly like. U know what I've been a good friend??? And I don't think I need to change and this is ur loss. They're rlly like "I didn't say u weren't allowed to get mad but ur getting on my case for ghosting when u just did the exact same thing" like yeah me doing it once in retaliation to ALL the times you did it is definitely equal to u doing it over any disagreement..... ok! They were like "I've swallowed my pride and apologized" and I'm like. Honestly? U've hardly apologized u've been a shitty friend and I'm glad u think u need to change because u rlly fuckin do and I hope ur able to do that for ur friends in the future! So we ain't friends anymore and I'm not in that group chat!

But rlly y'all?? They're behavior was lowkey reminding me of this bitch of a toxic ass friend I had for a bit and due to the aftermath of that friendship I tried to kill myself so like?

But again the problem here is like. We still have mutual friends and I would never expect them to choose between us two or anything but. They've known each other a lot longer and I've never had friends for a long time due to having to move around a lot as a kid and stuff and I'm just sick of losing friends and being lonely y'all,

But I stood up for myself for once! jokes on me I stand up for myself one (1) time and everything goes to shit huh.

Anyway is this rant considering vaguing??? Smh they blocked me so I doubt they'd see it but. It's not vague enough to be vaguing and even if it was who cares I feel like I'm allowed to vent about it by now. On no I told all two followers about this, how terrible of me. 

 Perhaps im bitter,,, I'm going through it rn y'all