#i am a disappointment to the Filipinos (part 2)

[nellycanwrite]

I am literally thinking about this for a long time right now but can we get a mcu x encantadia fanfic where the reader is cassiopeia or mata? You can write it if you want to😭😭

Oh my god nonnie, as much as I would love to write MCU!Encantadia, I have not watched a single episode in my life (I am disappointment of the Filipinos I know😭).

NO BUT DEADASS THE AMOUNT OF TIMES I'VE BEEN DYING TO WATCH ENCANTADIA BUT I ALWAYS FORGET TO WATCH IT OR I'M TOO SWAMPED WITH COMMISSIONS AND COLLEGE AAAAAAAAA I'M SCREAMING FOR REAL😭 I'll watch it as soon as I'm done with Maria Clara at Ibarra I promise😭 Then I'll get back to you on this request HEHE

[sins-of-the-sea]

//It's 2 AM, I woke up due to my mouth feeling nasty, and after taking care of it, I can't go back to sleep, so I decided to do a bit of fact checking for my inbox. And lo and behold, I ended going down a rabbit hole that tickled my curiosity and found this and this. Here is the chart regarding cultural expressiveness and confrontation, and I am LAUGHING BECAUSE THIS EXPLAINS SO FUCKING MUCH.

*LAUGHING IN FILIPINO*

I'm disappointed China is not included here for comparison purposes. From what I understand by my friends and reading sources, Chinese people would avoid confrontation as much as possible, but are probably more emotionally expressive than the Japanese? Maybe the Koreans? I can't confirm. I just know wuxia and anime LIES, though to be fair, so does Hollywood, lmao.

Anyway, this chart makes me laugh because the Crew, while some are typical of their cultures, aren't in other ways too:

Josep (Spain): Yes, he's fairly confrontational and highly expressive, but he's mostly highly expressive in ANGY. Otherwise, he tends to express himself joyfully very, very seldomly, and would try to avoid exposing himself when laughing as much as possible. Though this is due to low self-esteem and poor management of his C-PTSD. Also, Josep will avoid confrontation if he feels his anger may result in an uncontrolled explosion, be it in emotion or violence.

The Twins (France): I MEAN, LOOK AT THEIR CURRENT DRAMA. Not just that they're French, they're JEWISH, so being argumentative is practically in their blood. With that said, part of why I found this chart to begin with is because I wanted to learn what is appropriate Jewish arguing and what isn't (like how there is proper kvetching and improper kvetching). I could not find what I was looking for (in fact, kvetching seems to highly suggest it's mostly an Ashkenazi thing), but I did find this. What a blessing. We can attribute Phoebus and Guy's confrontational attitudes, if not by being Jewish, then at least by being French.

Though I should point out, Guy is significantly more confrontational, and would be so habitually and openly around everyone. Phoebus, on the other hand, is dependent on company; otherwise, he'd be too meek to confront if he's facing a non-Frenchman or a goy. And even then, he's meant to be seen as "too nice", even for a Nice Jewish Boy. Honestly, Phi is really only confrontational with his family and MAYBE his rabbi, lmao.

Giovanni (Italy): I mean, look at the guy, he bursts into tears everytime he sees a cute kitty. Despite living in a cellar for 10 years, I'd say his expressive/confrontational range is pretty typical. His willingness to be confrontational, though, would be dependent on what the confrontation is about and with whom, as maintaining the facade of a sweet, innocent softboi would be dependent on how to navigate said confrontation.

Rashid (Saudi Arabia): Even though Rashid is guilty of wild takes often on the blog, it's highly situational and depending on what company is with him at the time (note he never wild takes when the other members of the Crew aren't around him). Otherwise, he's typically so nonchalant, he tends to come off as stoic. I'd like to note he has the least amount of icons drawn and used for him despite me writing him often--his natural emotive range is THAT small.

As there is no China, Ghana, or Haiti, I can't comment on Ruixiong or Abena :c What I CAN say, though, is that Ruixiong is nonetheless atypical of the Chinese in that he's highly confrontational. Abena, meanwhile, was modeled after hero(ine)s in the assorted African storybooks I grew up on, which often feature cool-headed tricksters.

But there you have it. Also, the Philippines explains why I am so big on dramatics and exaggerated expression but confrontation scares the shit out of me.

[royalmokwamonster]

9/2/2023

fear.

i fear of being left out. it’s always been something that i’ve noticed in myself; 

whether its with my own family- feeling like no one gets me, i cant joke as funny

with my own cousins- ive never had the confidence as much as they had in a certain thing-- as to would result to me feeling/thinking i look puny

with any friends really- i dont think i am good enough for them,, or were they good enough without me in the picture.

i’ve always never felt enough for others.

even with the filipino community- will i even be enough? i dont feel like it. sometimes i feel i even disappoint them because i can’t speak fluently. or even my mom’s dialect.

not to mention at school- i was never really fantastic enough for a particular subject. 

always felt left out/never enough in any type of sport- wasn’t feeling skilled enough. 

with movies- i am not educated enough to know the background or even the director or producer in this film

same with music- never felt confident enough with having a variety/strong taste in music

i still (and perhaps will always be) not enough to be educated with this political bullshit

sometimes even being part of a p.o.c community- sometimes i find myself whitewashed, i’m no help to represent somthing meaningful

i fear of never feeling completed, full, secure in something i should naturally feel part of.

[redge]

#LTWTManila [2022.07.16]

Disclaimer: This concert sum-up is written by someone who got lucky to attend the concert because of her best friend-- a Louis Tomlinson fan ♥

The concert was supposed to start at 8:00PM so most if not all of the concert attendees were already at the venue. Every time a crew goes on stage, fans go crazy haha. There was one time when fans went screaming so loud because other fans showed a poster (?) of One Direction. ♥ Around 8:45 or 8:50, the lights went off the first song played. 

1. We Made It

The verse belongs to Louis, but the chorus resonated inside Araneta because everyone was singing along, word per word. It even became louder when Louis shouted, “LET’S HEAR YOU SING!” before the chorus. Truly, Filipino concert goers never disappoint. ♥

2. Drag Me Down

Just the intro of this song and everyone went wild. I am not very familiar with One Direction songs so it was after the concert that I knew that this was a 1D song. 

Louis: “Alright Manila, I want to hear you sing every single word”. 

Louis needed not to say this because everyone really sang every word of all the songs. ALL THE SONGS. (Shoutout to the girl behind us who sang all the songs, even the 1D songs, perfectly. Like if she’ll join the Singing Bee Louis Tomlinson version, she’d definitely nail it haha. Fans are awesome human beings. ♥)

3. Don’t Let It Break Your Heart

Louis talked to us before singing this song and these are some of the things that I remembered / understood 😅:

 “MANILA SCREAM!” 

“I f*ckin’ love the Philippines. Without you guys, this show would not exist so thank you”

and we screamed out loud like crazy haha! I always love that part of the concert when the artist/band would talk to us or tell us to do something and we always deliver. ♥

I LOVE THIS SONG. I am not very familiar with Louis’ songs but prior to this concert, I listened to his songs and this one’s my favourite.  

Life gets hard and it gets messed up When you give so much, but it's not enough When the high's too high, and the low's too low When you love someone and they let you go

Don't you let it kill you Even when it hurts like hell Oh, whatever tears you apart Don't let it break your heart Time takes time to heal it You can't do it by yourself Oh, whatever tears you apart Don't let it break your heart

Such a comfort song. ♥

4. Two of Us

“The day that they took you, I wish it was me instead”

And the crowd goes ☹️☹️☹️ . Louis sang the lyrics as if telling the story and it really matched the tone of the song. 

I also like this song. I like most of his ballads. ♥

5. Always You

I am glad that when concerts were finally allowed in the Philippines, the audience were not restricted to sing along with the artists. There’s a different kind of bliss when the crowd sings in perfect unison to the artists’ songs. 

Louis: “SING!”

Crowd in perfect unison:  I'm wastin' my time When it was *always you, always you

*Shoutout to my bestfriend who pointed at Louis every time she sang the “always you” part. Haha. I love you. Thank you for bringing me to this concert ♥

6. Change

I LOVE THE GUITAR SOLO TOWARDS THE END OF THE SONG. ♥

7. 7

Louis: “Love the f*ckin’ lights Manila!” ♥♥♥

Funny conversation of me and my bestfriend during this song:

Me: Anong kanta ito? J: 7 Me: (iniisip ko baka ang narinig niya ay “pang-ilang kanta ito” kaya inulit ko) Ano ngang kanta? J: 7 Me: (Isa pa. Baka mali lang ako ng rinig) Ano title nung kanta? J: 7 yung title.

But I guess whether the question is “Pang-ilang kanta na ito?” or “Anong title ng kanta?”, my bestfriend’s answer was correct for both questions haha

8. Fearless

Louis giving the limelight to the band ♥ 

9. Only The Brave

I love fan projects. Watching your favourite artist / band on a concert in your country is a gift not every country in the world could experience and fan projects are what fans could give these artists / bands in return.

For this song, our section was given orange stickers to project orange light. From my point of view, I could not clearly see whether we achieved the rainbow lights, but I saw a tweet under the #LTWTManila hashtag and I think it was a success ♥ This is just 1/3 of the fan project prepared by the PH fanbase of Louis. The dedication of the fans to their favourite artists always amazes me. ♥

*after the song*

I think Louis saw our fan project which is why he exclaimed “Manila, one more time, I f*ckin’ love you!” That or he just really loves us. ♥ Earlier, he gave the limelight to the band, this time, he gave credits to the crew. We cheered for them as much as we cheered for Louis because everyone who were part of the show deserves to be recognized. Grateful to everyone who made this show possible. They made many fans happy that night. ♥

10. Habit

Sobrang intense ng sigaw dito sa paligid ko hindi ko alam kung (A) yung best friend ko yung sumigaw na nasa left side ko (B) yung nasa right side ko (C) yung nasa likod ko o (D) lahat sila hahahaha 

11. Copy of a Copy of a Copy

Louis: “Let’s hear you sing, ___” (not sure if that was “Araneta” or “Manila”. Walang subtitle guys huwag niyo akong i-judge please hahaha)

*PH fans in normal volume* Young man, hush your crying, dry your tears away Nothing is original, there's nothing left to say You won't be the first or be the last to bleed Every broken heart as far as your eye can see

*the person behind us, singing along in 80 decibels, full of emotions* "IT'S A COPY OF A COPY OF A COPY!!!"

Big shoutout to the person seated behind us. She was singing along at the top of her lungs the whole night, and sometimes a note higher.  😂

12. Defenceless

13. Beautiful War

I am not sure why but the crowd seemed calmer during this song. Maybe most of us were busy preparing our props for the fan project. Seated sections were given stickers to make their lights either blue or red (depending on the section) while the VIP standing section raised their banner “you are worth fighting for” ♥

That part of the song when a band member sang along with Louis. That duet part was beautiful. ♥ 

14. Little Black Dress

The crowd goes extra crazy when it’s a One Direction song. ♥ 

He said something after the song but I honestly did not understand what he said. 🤣

15. Walls

Cheeseburger. IYKYK. 😆

Encore: Talk before the song:

”Manila, I’ve been waiting to comeback to the Philippines.” ♥

I did a little research and read that the only Southeast Asian countries included in the tour were Indonesia and Philippines. I am truly happy for all the Filipino fans who waited patiently for this concert. ♥ 

16. Through the Dark

Again, the crowd just goes extra crazy when it’s a One Direction song. 😁 *after the song*

Louis loving the ocean of lights. Louis and the band taking a picture with the Filipino crowd (sobrang gulo nila sana may maayos tayong kuha, or video ba yun? haha)

17. Kill My Mind

*before the song*

“Manila let me get a little bit softy for a second.”

I think Louis mentioned the town where he was from saying it was just a small town and expressed his gratitude to his fans, that he will not be there if not for them. ♥

Also, not sure if he was a band member or a crew but someone was celebrating his birthday that night and all Louis needed to do was give us the first note and we all sang “Happy birthday” to... I think his name was Steve? Haha. Happy birthday, Steve! 🎂 (Pero Louis, ang taas po. Pang Lupang Hinirang sa boxing event ni Manny Pacquiao yung key. 😂)

Kill My Mind is the last song and the last of the fan project prepared and one I am most nervous about because I am not sure how to do it 😂 Thankful to the fan beside me because we just copied what she did. Louis saw what we were doing, copied us and did it on stage. Congratulations to Louis Tomlinson PH and all the PH fans for the successful fan projects. ♥

And now, the exciting part:

After the bridge part of Kill My Mind, just before the chorus, Louis went down the stage, the closest the fans on the VIP sections could get to him. That fanservice capped off the night ♥ 

Other things I remember from the concert:

Before the concert, a kind fan gave out  bracelets for free. Thank you so much for your generosity ♥

From the seated section, we could see that the bouncers on the VIP section gave out cups of water. I thought this would be just before the concert but it went on the whole night. It was my first time seeing this on a concert. ♥ 

FANS SINGING ALONG TO TEENAGE DIRTBAG PERFECTLY AFTER THE CONCERT. 

I am not as lucky as most fans because my favourite bands/groups/artist rarely or have never had a concert in the Philippines. So I am really happy when PH fans get to see their favourites for the first time. I am so happy for my bestfriend who finally got to watch Louis in a concert (nagstart lang tayo sa cupsleeve event tapos naging concert na ♥) I hope more fans get to see their favourites in the Philippines. ♥

Thank you, Louis Tomlinson for making me experience the happiness of attending a concert that I longed for so much when the pandemic happened. The pandemic stole this experience to all of us, but we’ll get it back, one show at a time. 😊

[Patron, 116]

[marichat-verse]

Araw-Araw (Everyday)

Jason Grace x reader based on one of my favorite Ben&Ben songs. Yes, I know the song is in Filipino, but I'll be writing more about how the song makes me feel and translate that into a Jason x reader fic. It's taking me longer than expected to write part 2 of Run Away With Me, so I needed to write smth short but sweet for y'all 💜 Poseidon!reader again (sorry, I really love a brother!Percy thing)

Jason's POV (cos I like the idea of Jason simping for you)

We sat on the roof of the Zeus cabin, staring over the ledge. At the distance, we can see the campfire going on. The faint singing of the Apollo kids could be heard. Thankfully, they hadn't noticed we were gone yet. They must have assumed we were helping Leo build the Argo II.

I looked at y/n. The moonlight cast a faint glow on her skin. The breeze swept her hair behind her. She laid her chin on top of her crossed arms as she stared over the horizon.

I remember seeing her for the first time a month ago. She had come to rescue me, Leo and Piper.

Piper... The girl I was supposedly in love with.

You love her, Piper had said to me one day. I remember the pained look in her eyes that she tried to hide with a smile. I wanted tell her no. I wanted to say that we were meant to be! I mean, the gods pushed us into that situation, so we had to make our relationship work, right? But we both knew that if I had a choice without the gods interfering, I would choose y/n. And I did have a choice.

Y/n... How did I even fall for her this hard? She hated me when we first met. Can you blame her? She thought she was finally going to find her lost brother, but instead, she found me. I remember the look of grief, betrayal and anger in her eyes. She and Annabeth scared me. I didn't want to be anywhere near her, and thankfully, she avoided me for the rest of the day.

She only approached me after the campfire when she lead me to my cabin. I didn't know why she suddenly wanted to be closer to me. I was annoyed at first, thinking she just wanted to be friends because I was a child of Jupiter/Zeus. Then I saw the despair and regret that filled her eyes—wildly different from the strong face she put on that morning. Then I realized why she wanted to be my friend. I reminded her of her brother, children of the Big 3, insanely strong and respected, but alone in our cabins. She wasn't afraid to show her vulnerability because she knew it didn't make her any less strong. That's when I started falling for her.

"Jase," she said softly, snapping me out of my thoughts. "You're staring."

"Sorry," I said sheepishly as I tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. "Just thinking about how I got lucky to be here with you now."

She sighed and looked away. "You were already in a relationship with the daughter of the love goddess."

I tried to meet her gaze, but she just stared at the horizon. "So what?"

"Hera took your memories and basically told you who the love of your life is."

"No, she didn't. What—"

"The universe is basically telling me that I'm not supposed to be the one you end up with! Am I just kidding myself? Am I setting myself up for disappointment? I know Hera's an ass but if the goddess of marriage makes it clear that I'm not the one for you, then—"

"Stop that," I said firmly. I put my fingers under her chin and moved her head to look at me. I saw the doubt and disbelief in her eyes. She wanted this, too, but she can't believe that this will work. I wanted to say that we will work! I'll do everything in my power to make it work. But I had to convince her that she was the one for me.

My hands moved to cup her cheeks. I stared deep into her eyes as I laid my forehead on hers. "Whatever this is between us—this is right. I know it. I feel it."

"Well the universe says that all the signs point to Piper," she said.

I sighed. "You know what? Screw the universe. Screw all the gods and goddesses of love and marriage and relationships. They can take my memories and push me to another girl as much as they want, but I'll still choose you."

Her breath hitched as her arms found their way around my neck. Her touch was warm against my skin. "Jason..."

"Y/n, I'll choose you everyday for the rest of eternity. I don't care if the universe says this is wrong. To me, everything is right as long as I'm with you. You're worth losing my memories. This thing between us—it's worth fighting for."

She pulled away slightly, searching my eyes for the smallest scintilla of doubt. "Are you sure you want this, Jase?"

"You're the only thing I've ever been sure about since I got here."

For the first time in weeks, I saw something I hadn't realized I needed to see—her smile. My heart melted. I pulled her face closer to mine, my eyes quickly glancing at her lips.

"Can I kiss you?" I whispered against her lips. She nodded in reply.

My lips brushed against hers before I closed my eyes and went in for a heart stopping kiss. Yes, I thought. This is right. My hand rested at the back of her head while the other rested on her back, pulling her closer. I sighed into the kiss. The scar on my lip tingled at the sensation of her lips pressed against mine.

I pulled away, resting my forehead on hers once again. "I will always choose you. Everyday."

She leaned on my chest, causing me to lie down against the floor of the roof. I wrapped my arms protectively around her. Having her here in my embrace made me feel calm. The world was peaceful, as if there weren't a looming war, or her brother weren't missing.

I looked down at her, then at the stars. I closed my eyes and thought, You can never take her away from me. I choose her.

One of the stars twinkled, a few shot across the sky. I guess that was the universe saying this is what they meant to happen all along. After all, love is stronger when it's formed by choice rather than destiny, right? Or maybe it's both. Maybe I was destined to meet her, and the universe was testing me—giving me the choice to choose that destiny.

Whatever the case, I'm glad to have met her. I kissed the top of her head and hugged her tighter. I heard her light snores, signalling that she was asleep. For once, she was at peace with what the universe has given her.

I felt my eyelids droop. Thankfully, no one can find us here. I allowed myself to break the rules to be with her. She was worth more than the trouble we could get into if anyone found out we spent the night here.

I softly whispered against her head before finally drifting off to a peaceful slumber. "I love you."

Mahiwaga [Ethereal]

Pipiliin ka sa araw-araw [I'll choose you everyday]

•••

Tagging: @drvrslcense @bubblybubbubs @dreamerball @quteez

[the-shiftshop]

The Closet - Part 2

Part 1 of The Closet

The few next hours went smooth with the stranger in my Grampa’s house. Although, what bothers me a lot is having him walking around, staring at me, naked with his cock erect on the open air. I have to ask him to wear at least a pair of shorts before we proceed on eating. He also found some socks so that his delicate feet wouldn’t have to grind on the wooden floor. To be honest, the food wasn’t bad. In fact, it was super delicious, I would’ve cried. He noticed that a tear was about to fall out my eye and I saw him worried. We went near me and comforted me. He sat beside me with an hand patting my back. He easily gained my trust. I easily fell for him. He was everything I wanted. Next thing I knew, it was 5 am, sun is rising, we were both lying on the bed. I lay lower than him with my arm wrapped around his abs. He was petting my hair and every other minute, he would kiss my forehead. I thought it was a great time to ask him more questions, so I did.

“So... As you said, you can fit into my needs, right?”

“Yep.” He said almost in a sing-song way. “Do you have something in mind?”

“Well... What if I ask you to turn into the guy I had a crush on, would you do it?”

“If you want to, that is.”

His tone was somewhat disappointed. I felt that he knew how hard was it for me to let that guy go and having me asking him to change into someone who did me shit might’ve been offensive to him. After all, he’s all into what would benefit me.

“Then... No, actually. Let’s try a different person.” I said, “Can I know what your current sexual preferences are?”

He paused for a bit. Then he spoke. “Dominant Top.”

I chuckled. “Really?”

“Why?” He furrowed his brows.

“Is that what my Grampa assumed I wanted?” I smiled at him.

“Yeah... Also this body.” He looked much disappointed of himself now.

I rose up and moved closer to him. “No, no! Don’t feel bad. I mean, you were programmed to look like this, right? It’s not your fault.”

“But...”

“It’s okay.” I reassured him. “Let’s turn you into what I want.”

“If that what makes you happy, then.” He smiled back and stood up.

He walked near the closet and opened the door. I looked at him with confusion. I wanted to ask him, but he already gave me an answer as if he knew what i was about to ask.

“I can’t alter myself alone. I need the closet. Once I get in, just tell the closet what you like.”

Immediately he got inside and closed the door. I walked near the closet too, and took a deep ponder. I can see his body through the small gaps of the closet. His eyes are closed and he doesn’t seem to be breathing. I guess he already got turned off. I grinned and made a few steps back and finally thought of something.

I proceeded with the simplest ideas. “Still Asian. Specifically a Filipino with a foreign background.” I pondered more and thought, maybe I can still relive my fantasy, or actually, maybe start a new one. “Muscular. Bigger than me. Taller than me. 2 years older than me.” I always have things for big guys. In fact, that guy I lusted for before was ripped, and because of that, if we really got together, I would’ve been the bottom one. This time, I want to try a new experience. “Stay dominant, but, this time, I want you to be a bottom.” I wondered maybe I can program some more of his attitudes as well. “You’re all into affection. You love aftercare. You’re actually a soft one, but is very experience in sex and once your libido reach its peak, you’re as wild as a wolf.” Finally ended his alteration with one final change. “I want you to have a huge set of cock and balls, even though you won’t be able to use it to fuck me in my ass. Just for the assets.” I chuckled.

I can hear those sounds I hear before. The closet it doing its thing to the man inside. Few minutes later, there’s a soft bing! and he finally came out the closet.

He was more than perfect. I am already drooling on the sight of his face and body. He was staring at me, more exactly, he was staring at my hard on. It started to get bright in the room as the sun rises. It revealed a grin on his face.

“Sean” I said.

“Sean?” His deep voice almost made my knees buckle.

“That’s your name.”

His grin turned into a cute bright smile. He pulled me to the bed while he gets his underwear off.

I got a good glimpse of his ass and damn, my cock is begging to be let out. The man, now named Sean, turned around to face me.

“I’m waiting for your consent.” He asked with his beady eyes.

“I’m all yours.”

We both smiled and proceeded to kiss each other as the war sunlight caress our skin. Sean took my shirt off, and as for me, well I have nothing to take off him anymore, I just caressed his pecs with my other hand on his back. His 9 inch hard on was touching my abs in return. He pushed me on the bed with my back on the headboard. He began undoing my jeans. It was slow, and very arousing as he get rid of my pants, he was staring at me seductively. My pants finally got off and I’m left with my underwear that didn’t last long as well. With my underwear stuck on my calves, his right hand dove into my crotch. He started licking the tip of my cock, sending waves to my spine. I moaned in deep pleasure while his left hand roamed my torso. His left hand reached my nipples and started playing with it. My arms are left aback to support my weight. Finally he took the head of my cock into his mouth.

“A-Ah” My moan got louder. He’s sending so much pleasure to my body that I might almost cum, but he’s good enough to keep me on the edge.

After a few minutes of sucking my cock, he stopped and moved up my body to meet my face once more. He kissed me again, our tongues intertwine more than before. We are both in heat and we can feel each other’s heartbeat. He grabbed my cock and started stroking it tight. The mixture of his saliva and my precum acted as my lube. His thumb is properly playing with my tip and in each move, my body twitch.

We came back to kissing and he moved his other leg over my body so that he’s now on top of me. While kissing, he was grinding my cock on his ass cheeks. I took his hard on as well. We moan as we kiss. He thrusts his cock into my hand. Finally, he aligned my cock into his ass.

“I’m gonna make you feel so good.”

He pushed down my crotch. He does seem experienced. Although tight, my cock smoothly went in. We grunted together. I kept stroking his cock while he moved up and down mine. His lips migrated to my nipples. Everything went sloppy in a few seconds. Sean got much faster in his pace. My torso is covered in his saliva. His own cock drooling with a huge amount of pre-cum.

“I’m near” I proclaimed.

“S-Same. Let’s cum together.”

He pulled out and quickly grabbed my cock. I moved upward until I’m sitting on my ass. We both stroked each other faster. Sean stared at my eyes while I barely can keep it open. When I can feel it coming out, he dove into my lips one last time and finally, we came at the same time.

I felt him blow up to my chest. Some even reached our face. I finally stopped cumming, but he still have a few load. We broke our kiss, panting heavily. He moved his hand filled with my cum near his lips, and licked it. He smiled once more.

“Am I perfect enough for you?” He smiled.

“More than enough.” I smiled back.

“I’m glad then.” He looked down, hiding his smiling face from me.

I chuckled and placed my hand on his. We stared at each other once more, then, enticed with his eyes, I said “I love you, Sean.”

His smile once more got brighter. “I... I love you too...”

[thewhizzyhead]

Hey, your misfits musical thing sounded super super interesting! Any other details about it that you're willing to share? Minor plot points? Gay Relationship stuff? :0

oh boy this is gonna be long *cracks knuckles* here we go

SO FUN BACKSTORY BEFORE I GET TO THE PLOT PARTS TJXJJS: my sunday school has a tradition of um holding productions of christmas musicals every december. My teachers would find american christian christmas kiddy musicals productions on youtube and then basically um translate all the dialogue to Filipino (the songs stay in English) and have us um reenact the whole thing and ngl it was a lot of fun! I even acted as some of the main roles there when I was like 10-13 so um I can kinda say that I have some experience with musical theatre YAYYY (jk jk that doesn't really count djsff).

When I was around 12-13 years old, I became obsessed with A Very Potter Musical and wondered what it would be like to make AVPM but Christmas so that my church could perform it (very silly idea but shh i was 12 and I was obsessed) and then over time a plot that Was Definitely Not Harry Potter started to form and them um here we are fjsjd so thank you Starkid for making me go down this hellhole

Oki backstory over, now here comes the very long part:

(Also um warning this musical concept involves a lot of religion talk since majority of the thingy is me criticizing a lot of the hypocrisies in religious institutions here based on my experience so um yea proceed with caution if ur sensitive to religion-related stuff)

p.s. ari i am so so sorry but this is so fucking long and definitely more than what you asked for so um yea goodluck fjxjsjf

SO BASICALLY Misfits is about 5 "narrators" - these guys serve as the "floor directors" of the show and um yea they make sure that the plot actuall happens and everything goes exactly according to the script given by the church higher ups or "producers" - who have to bring 3 teens branded by their church as "Misfits" back to Bethlehem 1 CE in order to "teach them a lesson about God" aka convert them to Christianity thus removing the "Misfits" branding. (Also they can only go back once they successfully arrive at the manger because um that's how the producers want it to be tjxjs)

I have to emphasize that although this tackles a lot of stuff related to Christianity and religion as a whole, this really isn't a Christian Musical and that this very morally questionable mission (through the power of Stage Magic and Super Powers, the Narrators essentially bring the Misfits back to the past against their will for the sake of completing their mission) goes horribly, horribly wrong very very quickly.

Throughout the course of the musical, the 5 Narrators struggle to stick to the given script and get their mission done as the 3 Misfits prove to not only be very freaking stubborn but also quite insightful as well as they bring up really good points in regards to religious hypocrisies and socially questionable, prejudiced and backward views commonly held by most religious institutions here i.e gender roles, homophobia, the demonization of science and technology at times, elitism and classism, etc etc (i can only speak in behalf of the Philippines so um yea Philippines). Overall, this is kinda a case study on as to how religion can influence and shape people's mindsets for either the better or the worse and how it is often used by the authorities to simultaneously give hope to the people (especially those of the poorer sectors wherein because of how hopeless the present seems here because a very flawed system kept in place by the exploitative privilged here, they choose to just trust in God instead and also hope that the afterlife is much much better than this shit) while also keeping them in line and like preventing them from rioting. (Church and politics undeniably go hand in hand here even though we have legislations enforcing the separation of the church and state and um yEA THIS WHOLE THING HAS BEEN VERY PROMINENT THROUGHOUT PHILIPPINE HISTORY AND WE CAN ALL THANK THE SPANIARDS but um anyways that'll be a rant for another day)

On a more personal and emotional aspect, this thingy also tackles a lot of stuff I find rather common among kids my age, especially those who had a very Christian upbringing (aka 99.9% of the philippine population tjxbdbf). There's a lot of questioning involved in regards to one's faith, sexuality, perspective and purpose in life and all that fun stuff and how oftentimes said questioning is discouraged due to the church (and ph society overall) wanting us to just like um sTICK TO THE STATUS QUOoOoO and just comply with what is seen as appropriate and godly cause anything out of the ordinary is ngl treated like it's heresy. (YES THERE WILL BE A LOT OF SELF PROJECTION HERE)

One final and important thing to note is that the show is essentially a musical-inside-a-musical in a way fjsjf I originally designed this thing to be like um produce-able on my church's stage (because they were supposed to help me produce the first version of misfits which um yea that's def not gonna happen now tjxjdv) which um kinda looks like the OG Spring Awakening Stage (and yes Misfits is very much inspired by Spring Awakening God I love that show) which is why the show is kinda stylized like a concert with handheld mics and all wherein um the 5 narrators are aware that they are putting on a show to the point of even directly addressing the audience a lot while the 3 Misfits (except for 1 which i'll get to in a bit) aren't aware that they are in a show. The three do eventually find that out and that's when all hell breaks loose to the point that the "producers" (represented by Hades-ish voices) have to intervene by literally changing and manipulating the show's setting and plot to make sure that their script gets followed and that's when the characters really try to break the show to get out of it bUT THE POINT I WANNA MAKE HERE IS THXJD keeping in mind that I had initially planned for Misfits to be produced by my church prior to the many drastic changes, the show the narrators were putting on (aka the musical-inside-the-musical) was made with the intention to pander to a Very Religious Audience. Successfully convincing people to convert to Christianity, especially those of the youth, is what many religious audiences want to see and that is exactly what the "producers" have written for the 5 "narrators and floor directors" to enact. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a Christian and preaching the Gospel and bringing in new believers isn't essentially a bad thing; if they want to believe in the religion then woo good for them! But, such preaching becomes detrimental when you take away one's agency and basically force them into Christianity by means of guilt tripping and manipulation which is sadly very much a reality here (again, a rant for another day) and a representation of such is shown here in the show where um the 3 Misfits were basically forced into this show that 5 Narrators are putting on and, through the influence of the 5 Narrators, the 3 Misfits have to decide to become "good Christian youths" for the show to conclude because that's show the "producers" have written. So when the 3 Misfits stubborness goes to the point that even the 5 Narrators start questioning the morals of their mission, that's when the show starts to go off-script and that's when the production starts to like umm "break" and whenever that happens, the "producers" start speaking to the Narrators, reminding them that they have an audience that they need to please and a message that they need to convey.

So while the Misfits (2 of them, at least, cause um the third one has um yea i'll get to him in a bit) mainly focus on figuring out what in the everliving fuck is going on (while also dealing with their um unfortunate circumstances, childhood trauma, a shit ton of guilt and the concept of salvation and self-forgiveness), the Narrators are tasked with the burden of carrying the show and making sure that the audience finds it appealing while trying to convince themselves that what the church wants them to do is "right" and what the Misfits keep telling them is "wrong" ala um Holier-Than-Thou mindset. Once they eventually start becoming more willing to see the true nature of both the Misfits and the Producers despite the fear of disappointing everyone who's watching, that's when the Narrators and Misfits all start breaking the show by going off-script and completely destroying the plot and production that the Producers have made for the audience - thus making a statement of refusing to comply with a flawed system for the sake of audience approval while also making the first step to fixing that system for the good of all.

Also fun fact: Although it'll make my job a lot harder because I am more fluent in English than in Filipino, i wanna write the thingy in both English and Filipino fjxjdf the dialogue can be Taglish but um the songs that are "part of the script" aka what the Producers want the characters to sing are in English while the songs that aren't part of the script are in Filipino; songs that are both in Filipino and in English are um i guess indicative of the struggle to follow the script while also trying to do what you believe is right (an example of a song with that style is Interpretasyon - which means Interpretation and um Ezekiel (one of the Misfits) sings in Filipino while Joshua (leader of the narrators) sings in English and um just imagine Wallflower cuz IT IS VERY MUCH LIKE WALLFLOWER GJDJNF) and um yea i kinda imagine it to be some sort of rock-pop musical concert thingy so um woo thank you pma for once again influencing my work

SO ANYWAYS UM THAT WAS LONG SO LET'S GO TO THE GAY SHIT

Okay so far 4/8 of the characters here have queerness directly related to their individual plotlines here but um yea honestly i'm tempted to make all of them queer CAUSE IT'S FUN oki so um anyways on to the character dynamics (I won't be able to include more in depth descriptions because im hungry and GOD THIS IS LONG so um yea)

June & Anna (Narrator 2) - oki so June here is one of the Misfits and she's from the poorer sectors (i'm still working on her backstory to make it more believable but um yea) and she isn't able to go to school due to having to prioritize providing for her family first. Due to a very unfortunate childhood event (one that involves Zack, another Misfit), she had to grow up fast and now appears to have a rather jaded view of the world. Anna, one of the Narrators, is the very opposite of that - she's privileged and wealthy-as-fuck and seems to be very optimisitc and friendly. However, ever since she has been blackmailed by her own churchmates for merely questioning her sexuality (true story), she became a more reserved and emotionally closed person despite her very friendly and cheerful demeanor. So when she finds out that June's music carries a lot of beautiful insight and hope in spite of her unfortunate circumstances (the two girls bond over music btw that's how Anna got June to trust in her), she becomes confused because how can June, a girl who has nothing, not even faith, still have hope that she'll be able to find some semblance of happiness while Anna, who has everything, has such a downtrodded view of the world? So um basically their dynamic will also consist of Anna checking her privilege, June explaining how good people turn against the world when the world turns against them (YES A LOT OF TALK ABOUT POVERTY AND HOW THAT IS A RESULT OF CAPITALISTIC EXPLOITATION) (yes June will talk about that a lot), and um what it means to hope with or without faith and what it means to trust another and oneself again. Oh and also lots of philosophy talk and emotional expression through music wie

Zack and Mikael (Narrator 3) - Zack, another Misfit, is a childhood friend of June and a younger stepbrother of Ezekiel (the third Misfit). After Zack and June lost contact after the 'unfortunate childhood event' (i am not sure on what exactly it'll be but in the earlier drafts a fire burned both of their homes and killed both of their dads and rn I have a song concept describing that called "Umaapoy" which means "Burns" but i dunno i'm still working on it), he became best friends with Mikael and um yea said best-friendship was Definitely Not Platonic. After a picture of them kissing was sent to not only the school principal but to basically everyone in the school, both of their parents were called to the principal's office which led to both of the boys moving to different schools to um mitigate the damage i guess gjdjd while Zack's mom eventually learned to accept her son's sexuality, Mikael um wasn't so lucky - I'd say he went through um a lot of religious intervention almost akin to conversion therapy which then um yea has caused him a lot of internalized homophobia and um yea Mikael and Zack haven't been able to talk or even chat in about 3-4 years so imagine Mikael's surprise when he found out that his mission involved Zack - who does not and cannot recognize Mikael because welp not part of the script. Zack, a bit braver now, takes a liking to Mikael and wants to at least be friends with him partly because he somehow finds him really familiar while um Mikael tries to maintain a strictly professional demeanor out of fear that Zack will recognize him and out of fear that he'll fall in love with Zack again. Their dynamic will also include um learning to trust one another and oneself again (like June & Anna's dynamic), to learn how to be brave and be sure in one's beliefs (Mikael um doesn't really speak up that much out of fear while Zack is not only outspoken, but is also an activist - this is another one of the many reasons why Zack is branded as a "Misfit" aside from the fact that he's gay and um yea Ezekiel spends almost 2 minutes berating Joshua for this out of pure anger and disgust), and what it means to reconnect with the past and to forgive oneself (although that is much more expounded upon with June & Zack's dynamic).

Ezekiel and Joshua (Narrator 1) - SAY HI TO THE RILEY AND CAIRO DYNAMIC WOOOOOOO but yea ari dude your analysis on Riley and Cairo (and Kate) being the Main MAIN characters and everything about cheerwives gave me a lot of think about and SO I PUT IT IN HERE WOOOOOO so basically um Ezekiel is the older stepbrother of Zack and the first of the 3 Misfits to figure out that they are in a show. He figures this out because he recognizes Joshua aka the leader of the Narrators aka his former churchmate and ex-bestfriend. He also realizes that they are in a show because he recognizes their tricks which he knew about because he had participated in these missions before as one of the Narrators (Joshua and Ezekiel are older than the rest of the cast and the other narrators don't know that Ezekiel was once a Narrator as well). Due to an Unfortunate Incident (that i'm still working on) 3 years prior to the events in the show, Ezekiel cut off all ties to the church but he is still viewed as this "perfect role model golden boy" which is why the 4 Narrators were shocked to find out that Ezekiel was part of their mission. Joshua, knowing that the real reason to his sudden involvement is due to "producers" somehow finding out their secret about the Unfortunate Incident, lied and told the others that he was just included to make converting his brother a lot easier, which they believed. Out of all the narrators, Joshua is the one who tries his best to stick to the script the most because he knows that if he doesn't, the true nature of that Unfortunate Incident will not only be revealed to his companions but to everyone else watching. Meanwhile Ezekiel, who doesn't know that him being involved in this mission is some sort of um penance for his involvement in that Unfortunate Incident, tries his hardest to sabotage he show by being the most outspoken when pointing out a lot of hypocrisies within religious institutions and in ph society in general (he refuses to tell the other two that they are in a show though because if that happens, he knows the Narrators, Joshua especially will um get very heavily scolded by the producers and despite everything, he still cares for Joshua a lot). I'd say that these two are the ones that push the plot the most - one wants to push the show accordingly to plan in order to please the audience and the producers and in order to not let his and Ezekiel's secret go out while the other wants to push the show off-script in retaliation against the producers (and yes the Unfortunate Incident involved the time travelling thingy which is why he really wants to sabotage this). In fact, these two have 2 duets that are basically them trying to convince the other to go along with their plan ("Interpretasyon" which means Interpretation and "Sikreto" which means secret). This dynamic involves um yea trying to convince the other to switch sides gjxjd and um reconciliation, responsibility out of guilt, and what it means to forgive oneself (forgiveness is a common theme here) and to start to heal from trauma and to not deny the existence of said trauma any longer.

NOW ORIGINALLY I REALLY DID NOT INTEND THE JOSHUA AND EZEKIEL DYNAMIC TO BE GAY BUUTT WHEN I WAS THINKING OF THE LYRICS, I REALIZED THAT OUT OF CONTEXT, IT SOUNDED VERY GAY SO UM HERE'S AN EXCERPT OF SIKRETO (still not finished writing the thingy)

Joshua: (singing to Ezekiel) (this is also the first time Joshua sings a Filipino solo so this is him breaking the script for the first time) (also um yea the translations aren't direct translations cause I wanted to make them rhyme fnxnf) (So to those who know filipino i am terribly sorry cause yup this isnt an accurate translation fjfjd)

Ang natitirang alaala ay aking binura (I have scrubbed away all the memories that may have still remained)

‘di ko na sila kilala (I don't know them anymore)

Kinalimutan na kita (I have forgotten about your name)

Ngunit ang bigat ng pagsisisi ang aking dinadala (But the weight of regret, I carry all the same)

Ang sakit sa balikat, lagi kong dinarama (I constantly feel the sting of my shoulders' pain)

Pero masasabi ko pa rin na sinusubukan kong itama (But at least I can say, I tried to right-)

Ang aking mga pagkakamali (all that's wrong)

Ikaw, saan ka pumunta? (What about you? Where in the world have you gone?)

Tumakbo ka lang at iniwan mo ako (You ran, you just ran, and left me behind)

Sa pagbubuhat ng kasalanan at sikreto (In carrying the sins and secrets, and you paid me no mind)

Pero pinapanatili ko paring malinis ang ating munting kwento (But I stillade sure I kept our little story clean)

Patuloy na sinisigurong ‘di nila malalaman ang totoo (I kept on making sure the truth would never be seen)

Alam na natin ang kwento (We already know the story)

Alam na natin ang kwentong kailangang itago (We know the story that we need to hide)

Itong munting sikreto ay kailangan burahin (This little secret that has to be erased)

Ating pagkakamali, patuloy na bubuhatin (We will have to always carry, our sins and our mistakes)

Alam na natin ang kwento (We already know the story)

Alam natin ang katotohanan ng nakaraan (We very well know the truth of the past)

Ito'y nakabakas sa isipan, ‘di natin malilimutan (We'll never forget what will remain ingrained in our minds)

At sa Diyos na lang natin mahahanap ang kapatawaran (And from only God could we find forgiveness for what we left behind)

Habang buhay bubuhatin ng konsensiya (Forever will our consciences bear the weight and carry

ang ating pagkakasala, ang kwento't sikreto nating dalawa (our sins kept in secrecy, the story of you and me)

Pero ngayon, ‘di ko alam paano pero nalaman nila (But now, I don't know how, but somehow they know)

At ngayon, dinedemanda na nila ang penitensya (And now, penitence is what they demand)

Kaya ngayon, naghihingi ako ng pasensiya (So now, patience and forgiveness is what I ask)

Sa iyo at sa kanila (From you and from them)

Sa aking gagawin at mga nagawa (for what I'll do and I've done)

Baka nga (Perhaps)

Tama nga mga sinabi mo (What you've said all this time is right)

Na ‘di tayo ang tanging may sala rito (That we aren't the ones only at fault here)

Pero ‘di ko matatakasan ang aking naging tungkulin (But I can't really escape my little role here, because)

Sana ‘di mo nakalimutan: lahat sila nakatingin (God I hope you haven't forgotten: they're all looking at us)

Lagi silang nakatingin (Always looking at us)

Kahit ano man ang iyong gawin (No matter what we do)

Tayo'y mananatili sa entablado (On the stage we shall stay)

At lahat sila nakatingi- (And the stares still won't go awa-) (He then realizes that he's on stage and Should Not Be Having A Breakdown In Front Of The Audience Because Duh and Because That's Not Part Of The Script)

SO UM YEA IN RETROSPECT SOME OF THOSE LYRICS COULD ALSO REFER TO SOME SECRET NOT-PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP THAT THE AUDIENCE DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT YET (because the Secret doesn't get revealed til much later) WHEN IN ACTUALITY IT'S ABOUT THE TRUTH BEHIND WHAT HAPPENED 3 YEARS PRIOR TO THE EVENTS IN THE SHIW AND NOT GONNA LIE,,, THEM BEING IN A NOT-SO-PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP KINDA ALSO WORKS SO I'M CONSIDERING MAKING THEM HAVE SOME ROMANTIC HISTORY TOO JDHXBSJF

Oki that's all for today hdhdh there are two more characters (narrators 4 and 5) but i'm still working on them and i kinda wanna make the both of them not cis cause WHY NOT also i have been typing this for like 6 hours now and i'm tired and hungry so tjjxjs anyways if you read to the end, I'm sending you carbonara-

[tundrainafrica]

I’m so scared that the Hanji’s shard was actually her coming back to life!I’m not talking about the beast titan theory.I kinda think that for some reason the rumbling victims will be brought back to life (Zeke style with the titan carcass) and since I feel like Levi’s gonna sacrifice himself next chapter to detonate the bomb,he wont be back because they can only bring back the ones who died from the actual rumbling.I hope I’m making some sense right now.That promo photo of the vets where Hange was the only one looking directly at us was scaring me.Is that a hint of some sort?Don’t get me wrong,I truly want her back but at what cost?

Thanks for the ask anon! This is a pretty interesting take on the ending. 

To be honest, I kinda avoided making predictions about AOT at first because recently, every time I try to predict what happens next in a show, I imagine game of thrones and I imagine all the people who made predictions about game of thrones only to get that sorry excuse for slapstick humor that is season 8. The disappointment the fans of GOT is unfathomable and I don’t think I want to experience the same thing with AOT.

But... Since you’re bringing up predictions about the final chapters of AOT, might as well unearth my own thoughts about what will happen based on patterns I see from Yams and the general theme of the story.

yolo coz this answer is gonna be obsolete in like a week anyway.

I’m so scared that the Hanji’s shard was actually her coming back to life! I’m not talking about the beast titan theory. I kinda think that for some reason the rumbling victims will be brought back to life (Zeke style with the titan carcass)

I don’t believe Hange’s coming back to life. She’s my favorite character, I would have wanted her to get a better ending that what she did but I don’t think that’s where the story is going thematically. So I think Hange will stay dead. 

The main saviors of this show were set up to be Armin, Mikasa, Gaby and Falco and possibly the 104th cadets so I think generally vets like Pieck, Zeke, Hange and Levi are gonna end up dying (which they are already doing) to give space to the main cast to shine and step up. 

And I don’t think Yams would be the type of person to pull some Naruto Pain Arc shit and would magically bring everyone back to life. This show just never approached death similarly to other shows. The only time the show has ever brought someone back to life was with Armin (and okay fine to a degree Eren) but those two were never dead. With Hange, I think there was some finality to her death because although Hange did amazing stuff in the story, a lot of parts of her were not as fleshed out as that of EMA or FG so it would be odd for Hange to suddenly get revived and take the spot light when it was FG and EMA who were set up for something greater. 

(Now that I think about it though, with what’s happening now, I kinda have trouble understanding what type of message Yams wants to give so I might still be completely wrong)

As Levi mentioned in his own monologue though in the latest chapter, the vets job ended when they lead the kids to the sea and I think there should be a thematic reason behind that and that line really is giving hints to what Yams has in store for them.

I feel like Levi’s gonna sacrifice himself next chapter to detonate the bomb, he wont be back because they can only bring back the ones who died from the actual rumbling.

I am really bracing myself for Levi’s death. I really don’t think Levi will survive until the end of the manga. Although, I am praying he does, at this point, I think I’m praying more that I’m gonna have the strength to handle it if he does die. 

Levi has been getting a lot of death flags lately. I mean if you notice how the main characters have been dying lately, it’s usually like they get a really horrible injury or a permanent injury then within a few chapters, they die. That same thing happened with Erwin with his arm, then Sasha (Her injury in Shiganshina was bad) then Hange with her eye. 

And Levi got the brunt of all of those injuries. If Levi does survive he’s gonna be bedridden for months but I don’t think he’s even gonna make it back, his knee is fucked, his innards are fucked but to a degree, I feel like Levi was built for something, Yams didn’t let him survive being blown off then being bitten for no reason so whatever he dies doing is going to be incredibly important to the plot. 

Maybe, he’ll be the one who detonates the bomb like you said. But I don’t know I’m having trouble imagining how detonating the bomb would be the most crucial piece of bringing Eren back. Although they have been talking about it for a while, the fact that its taking them 2 chapters to even decide on detonating it? With Pieck trying and with Mikasa hesitating? I don’t think it will be that easy. There must be another crucial piece they will be considering and whatever that crucial piece will be, Levi might just lose his life making it possible. 

I hope I’m making some sense right now. That promo photo of the vets where Hange was the only one looking directly at us was scaring me. Is that a hint of some sort? Don’t get me wrong, I truly want her back but at what cost?

That promo art was beautiful and Hange is beautiful. It might be a long shot considering the relationship between promo art and the ending. Her promo art was unsettling but I think one big reason for that type of art could be a hint to her development in season 4 and the fact that she’s a lot more subdued this season. We all have seen how she talked in the last two episodes. I feel even Romi Park was coached on Hange’s traumas and her insecurities because with Romi Park’s work with hange in the last two episodes, it almost felt like Hange was a different person which is reasonable given her development the past 4 years after becoming commander. I do have a meta on Hange’s psych which you can check out here.

I want Hange back too but I kinda don’t want Hange back in exchange for some asspull. If she is built up for some return then that would be great but really, how often has Yams brought a character back to life and would he really bring her back side with only three chapters left and with EMA and FG still not completely developed?

There’s a word for this in Tagalog with no English equivalent which summarizes my thoughts on Hange’s fate. HAHA. So for my filipino followers who end up reading this. 

Oo nabibitin pa rin sa naging buhay at naging kamatayan ni Hange.  

Roughly speaking, Hange’s life and death seemed incomplete to me. Maybe because personally I was so fixated with her, I am so in love with her that I just couldn’t believe that she would end up meeting that type of faith. Because to me, she was always built for a greatness larger than she experienced then. But maybe it was all in my head, maybe that was just my own personal perspective as the audience. 

Yams gave us enough crumbs to get us to understand that Hange is great. Hange was an amazing character. Just like he gave us enough crumbs to understand that Erwin was a great character too. Sasha was an amazing character too. 

But Yams made sure to remind us too that everyone dies and so many amazing people are fated to meet unsatisfying deaths and he’s been saying that same thing since the first chapter with the fall of Wall Maria with that comparison between humans and cattle and let us all remember how horrifying the deaths of many of our other favorite characters were.

And in the grand scheme of things with the themes Yams was building, slowly transferring the fate of the world to the younger generations, where do Levi and Hange fit? 

At this rate, I’m probably gonna end up getting my fix from fanfiction so I’m really just bracing myself for this.

(I really hope I’m wrong though)

[you-are-worth-the-wait]

Would you like to talk about what it was that made half your weekend not so great? Not pressing for it. Whatever you’d like to share or not.

Wanna hear something weird? Some person who recently started, maybe a month or two in, asked me if I knew any loan sharks. Apparently they fell on to hard times and is now on the desperate side. He said that he “trusts” me and that’s why he is opening up to me. Also cuz I’m Filipino as they are. But I’m just wondering how/why he opened up and asked me. I don’t talk to them as much. Maybe a once a week in passing for simple pleasantries and to be cordial. When he was training, I got sucked into convos and it was light hearted and all. I mean, he even was the one who pointed out when his trainer introduced me to him how i was “the person who never said hi even though I’ve seen him 2 or 3 times already”. I can’t tell why he opened up to me that way. I inquired what he was looking for and he was saying he needed 4K just to get him through a couple months. His relationship with me would be likened to how I was with the male guards. They know of me but don’t necessarily talk to me and consider me a friend. It’s more so they would talk to me in order to pass the time to when waiting for a patient to see me but it would be a generic convo and the same convo every single time. So it’s really weird. A part of me also felt like I could just give him the money. I mean, I guess worst case, he quits, and I’m out 4K. Best case, I help him out and I get my money back in 3-4 months I guess. If I give it to him, at least he won’t be going through some other way of doing it and willing to pay as much interest as he’s claiming that he’s willing to pay. At least with workmate, you could vouch for her and I hung out with her enough to where I felt okay loaning her the money. This situation, it’s a bit tougher to read due to not having enough history/interaction to make a solid judgment. My gut feeling says I can trust him. I don’t want to be taken for a fool. I figure I want to make a decision and be able to get him the money before New Years break so by Thursday. I know we aren’t “together” but when making certain decisions, I feel like we are, and your opinion and decisions matter to me. I know it’s my money and I can do whatever I want with it but I wouldn’t make a decision like this without consulting you either when we are together which is why I want to know what you think. I can elaborate more on his “story” if you need more to go off of. It’s basically how he came to the point where he is now. He’s also made it very clear that he hasn’t told anyone and doesn’t want anyone to know that he’s asking this of me and it’s not like I’d tell anyone anyways. Just you...*ws* weird but nice. Secrets our friends entrust in us, we still share with each other knowing it will never leave our little relationship bubble. It just kinda happened and we didn’t even have to clarify or state that it should/could never leave us. Guess I trusted and respected your trust as much as you did/do mine. Anywayz...what do you think? Thoughts?

Looking at your likes...kinda funny. Till your brain stops working. I’ve done that a time or two...dozen...or more to you :P gotta admit, the first time it happened, I was a little scared and thrown off. You were just so out of it and unresponsive to me that I couldn’t tell if you were mad, disappointed, or just a general sense of “bleah” to me because all you did was just stare blankly back at me. It wasn’t till you came down from things and were able to talk to me again did I realize what may have happened. I don’t recall if I ever asked if that has happened before. At least I was better prepared the second and every other time it happened. Although it is exciting when I can get you in that state, I also know that I have to be careful and watch over you even more as you slowly come down from it. Like most things I can do to/with your body, that’s something that I feel very possessive of as well. I wouldn’t want anyone else to make you feel that way.

Your kiss like...it’s funny you posted that. I was going to tell you that my Christmas wish during the holiday was to see you/your smile. My New Years wish...to be the one that kisses you. A part of me wonders too if all it would take was one kiss, a series of kisses, or a singular kissing session where I just kiss you the way I want to kiss you knowing that that’s the way you deserve to be kissed and I think you have been wanting to be kissed. I’m not claiming to be the greatest kisser in the world but I would be willing to lay claim that I am the only person you have been with that has been willing to take the time to help you appreciate how intimate a kiss could be. I know you had your way of kissing and I did/do enjoy it but I also love how you were willing to allow me to kiss you the way I did/do. Again, I do make everything up as I go but learning the way you kiss and being able to incorporate your style with what felt natural to me with you in the moment, it was fun. I also felt very proud of you and of me when you told me that you never thought that kissing would be something you would genuinely enjoy doing in a relationship. The competitive side of me enjoyed that I could make that happen for you but the fun loving side of me was just giddy with the fact that you would admit that to me. Especially with the way you felt self conscious about your kisses in the first place. So yeah...I do wonder what a kiss from me could/would do to you. I have never kissed you without trying to genuinely express what I feel during the moment of a kiss. It’s the way I always want to be able to kiss you. I feel that my/our kisses will always be an extension and expression of how we feel. So with your “like”, I would kiss you that way and more. You know I can...and I will. Sooo...you wanna share a kiss with me on New Years? 😏

[choicesreal]

About me.🗣

🗣Well, first of all..I was born on 30th of October. It’s a pretty boring and uneventful day lmao. I’m not going to say the exact birthdate, however it’s in the 2000′s.🤸🏽‍♀️

🗣My pseudonym’s Silsha, and my real name also starts with a “S”, I’m just keeping it secret ‘cause I want to keep that mYsTerIoUs vibe going on, is it working?🥺

🗣I’m from the Philippines, born and raised. I am also full Filipino (or at least I think so? My mom said we have a lil bit of French blood in there, so..🥐oui 🥐 ).. I was actually supposed to be raised in the US, but my mom’s visa got declined. She went to US last year though! (not me getting jealous but ok.)

🗣I’m an ambivert. There are times where I’m shy as fuck, and times where all the nastiest in this world’s dictionary comes outta this big ass mouth. There are times where I grab any opportunity to keep away from other people and just stay in my room with my trusty book and earphones, while there are times that I go out with my friends and go to the mall or chill in their houses. (ofc, before COVID happened.)😷

🗣I’ve played Choices since early 2018, and boy, if my past self would look at how addicted I am to it now, past self would run screeching to the ends of the Earth.  🏃🏽‍♀️ 💨

🗣My favorite books from Choices are Open Heart (this is the one fucking reason why i’m stuck going crazy over one blue-eyed spoiled child diagnostician called Ethan Jonah freaking Ramsey), The Heist Monaco, A Courtesan of Rome (the main reason why I’m OBSESSED with ancient Roman history, and why I want to go there on my birthday.), Platinum, A Royal Masquerade, Perfect Match (though I wasn’t able to finish it..) Blades of Light and Shadow (my bb Tyril 😿) Distant Shores (FUCK YOU PB, FUCK YOU.) Queen B,(yeah, I know it was such a mess, but I kinda liked Ian ;-;) and last but certainly not the least is....Most Wanted!

🗣The other games that I’ve played and stayed for a while was Romance Club (please, please, please support and check this app out! It’s really worth it and won’t disappoint you!) and Chapters (this was the game that I’ve also been obsessed about too! Aside from Choices, when I took a little time off of Choices and went inactive with this account, this was my only safe haven then, with all of those schoolworks pouring in, it was really hard to take a breather.)

🗣What does Choices mean to me? It means the world to me, the absolute world. Hell, because of it, I got to meet so many nice and appreciative people here on this platform itself.(Thanks, Tumblr. I’ll make sure to give you a five star rating if I don’t forget it again😭) I got included in a community that I felt really comfortable to be in, and most importantly, it made me happy. I consider it as my safe haven, from being depressed and anxious. I’ve never really acknowledged myself as one, but it’s noticeable, even to myself. I just don’t show it. Our education system here sucks, just..no words.

🗣My favorite singers are (internationally): Sabrina Carpenter, Camila Cabello, Taylor Swift, Dua Lipa, Adele (queen, please come back🕊),The Weeknd, and many more that I can’t remember. 

🗣My favorite songs now are: (pls try to listen to them if you have the chance!) Skin by Sabrina Carpenter, Earned it by The Weeknd(yeah no actually, every song of his is my favorite, sorry not sorry.), Tango by Abir, This City by Sam Fischer, Safety net by Ariana Grande (all of her songs in her newest album, no actually all of ‘em!), Loves Control by Camila Cabello (another artist who’s powerful enough to make me love all her songs.) and so many more LMAO i’m just lazy to type all of it, it’ll go on for decades.

🗣I almost forgot- I’m a she. It may come of as a shock to others, some not, but yes. LMAO. I think it’s pretty obvious from how I talk online.

🗣I’m a pretty chill not chill student. (not me lying to myself to make me feel better.) But really, I don’t put that much effort when it comes to education, and I didn’t even review when it comes to quizzes and exams back from 1st-6th grade. What changed? Well, the fact that became older and became more self-conscious about it (my grades). But, I still don’t give it my all partly because of my belief that we should enjoy our youth. Studying too hard may hinder that. And so, I did just that. I’m not particularly a naturally intelligent student. I’m just observant and can be pretty hardworking if necessary (groupings for school projects and stuff.) I’m not the type who goes and becomes a leader in one group cause I can’t handle the pressure and I don’t give enough authority vibes to be listened to (I can though, if y’all push my buttons too far.), however I act as an assistant leader, who also helps in anyway I can and handles all the research (’cause I love learning new things online, and I love to research.) And so, I kinda became a With Honors type of student. (sHocKer.) And honestly? I don’t regret putting a bit of effort in school, because I get to see how proud my parents are for me.

And if you’ve made it this far...you’re a complete sTalKerR!! Nah, just kidding you’re cool. LMAOO. Thank you for reading this short-filled information about me, or also known as @choicesreal. It’s been really fun to type this out, because I might come off as kind of a closed book around others in the community. This is a text to let you learn a few bits and tiny details about me! Part 2? Maybe. It really depends KDJHAKDJH. And now it is time for me to end this post as my eyes are stinging.

With that, Paalam muna. (From my native language, it’s translated as “Goodbye, for now” in English.)

[whenfictionandworldlitcollide]

ABNKKBSNPLAKo?! through a student's eyes (ABNKKBSNPLAko?! by Bob Ong)

ABNKKBSNPLAKo could be treated as one of classic Filipino book staple because of its humorous narration of what school life is for an ordinary Filipino student. It follows the story of the author’s journey from elementary, high school and college, recounting all of his pranks and childhood memories, up to the confused teenage phase, while not leaving out the times where he was in the lowest of the lows. It included the famous FLAMES game, crushes, and the let downs of university life told in the funniest and most witty way possible. It also didn’t leave out his adult stage wherein he faced what reality really is.

In his anecdote, Bob Ong was on the path of discovering himself in his early years as an elementary student in a public school. In here he experienced everything a typical kid goes through—buying from the infamous “tray” loaded with snacks from the school canteen, games that included SOS, and many more. One scene that strike me the most is when he had his recognition, and his mother came late. It was the first time he noticed what it felt like to be on top, but no one’s there for you. Later, he also discussed his Cathay Pacific backpack and compared it to the big trolleys that children use nowadays, saying that he doesn’t know if the new generation only have much more subjects to learn, or we’re just becoming dumber as time goes by.

Then high school came. It was the point of pimples, first crushes, first fallouts—everything firsts, you’ll have it in high school. Here, he discovered that high school was way different from elementary. There are certain rules to follow—like having your hair cut in 2 by 3, many things are prohibited, these rules should be followed, etc. He ended the passage with a note from Grant Gilmore, “The better the society, the less law there will be. In heaven there will be no law… in hell there will be nothing but law, and due process will be meticulously observed.” Following this quote was a line of, “Hell ang high school. Cool.” He then proceeded to one of the most remarkable scenes for me where he proved he is on his path of realizing and developing his principles. They are rushing their school project when suddenly, a teacher announced that they have to do rosary since it’s rosary month. Then one of his classmates asked, “Sir, paano yung non-Catholics?” Bob Ong was tempted to say he’s a non-Catholic even if he’s not, but he ended up still going to the rosary session, upholding his principles and understanding the reality that he needs to choose between two things. He also discussed how students are heavily graded based on their academics, rather than their character—which we may see in many politicians. Intellectual people, yes, but lacks empathy.

Come college, and this is where the theory of phenomenology will be heavily discussed as college was the 360-degree turner of his life. He thought that college was going to be easy. He applied for various universities and was accepted in all of them, but what happened was he was not really decided with his course. He even joked with him saying, “Basta may “computer”, ayos na ‘yan!”. This started his downfall.

He was constantly late for his classes. He never had any interests in the subjects, and the commute was making him tired even before he arrives at his school. One time he arrived late, and the instructor prohibited him to take the prelim exam, stating that he should go to the dean to get a permit. The dean did not see a valid reason to allow him to take the exam, and this is when he realized something. That he allowed himself to be dumbed down by his instructor. If he was truly concerned of him, he should just let him take the exam since he still arrived within the period.

After that incident, he started slacking off from school. He dropped off, was depressed. It came to a time wherein he goes to school even though he’s not enrolled, just to pretend that he’s still okay and was not letting down his family. He didn’t know where he would be disappointed—with himself or with the education system which was seemingly bringing down students like him with unnecessary subjects or tasks to do, painting a world wherein if you receive a bad grade, you are a failure. But then it dawned to him what he really needs to do, and got back to school through a vocational course. He discovered that people in vocational courses aren’t stupid like others say, but are normal students like the majority of the population. Surprisingly, he became a teacher—being in the opposite perspective of the world he lived in for so long: school.

ABNKKBSANPLAKo shows Bob Ong’s development in finding out who he really is and why he exists through his journey in school, which many can relate. How he addressed his life as a teacher heavily supports the idea, as he realized that we exist for the academic standards, aiming for high scores in tests, quizzes and projects without totally giving credit for one’s character and expertise. If you are a wiz in one subject but failed the other and you do have good conduct, it doesn’t matter. He realized the reason of existence for most students like him: getting a card with grades that are capable of flying colors, and a diploma which is like a ticket to this world to be respected and looked upon to.

It also came to him that we often exist to brag our achievements even though we’re nowhere near what we wanted to be, so we veil ourselves in this make-believe world of successfulness, for people often quick judge those who are below them. He demonstrated this example in a setting of a high school reunion. In such event, you’ll usually hear others peak performances after graduation, and those who had nothing to flaunt are left in the dark. After reading that part of the book, you might ask yourself, am I existing for my success or of other people’s expectations?

Lastly, the author realized that his life wasn’t always what you were told when you were little—always birds and bees and colorful bed of flowers. That not every child had their own childhood. That it is okay to fall down, as long as you’ll able to get yourself up. And that exam scores don’t define you as a student, but your take on life will. The world is made up of various “free” lectures that you can use at your expense. And eventually, we will all graduate somehow—just in our own different ways.

He ended the book in a line that says, “Nakabalik ako sa lugar, pero di ko na naibalik ang panahon.” On this part, he came back to his old school to claim his records from the registrar, and it was like he took the trip don the memory lane. Here, he truly shows that it finally dawned to him what his true reason for existence was, and that was to live according to his time phase and not out of others expectations.

[mendespideys]

hotel lobby | s.m.

pairing: reader x shawn mendes 

summary: a broken ac unit leads to a sleepless night and a potential friendship

a/n: inspired by these photos of shawn in his pjs because they make me soft :��)) 

p.s. i’m reposting this on here, but you might have already read it on my other blog (sunsetspidey)

Your eyes fluttered open only to be met by darkness, the red numbers on the bedside clock eliciting only a dim light. Once your eyes had had enough time to adjust, you fumbled around for your phone, already knowing that the clock provided would be off. Your fingers finally collided with the silicone phone case and you turned over on your side to avoid pulling at the charger cord. An exasperated groan left your lips as your screen lit up, realizing it was no more than 2:13 in the morning.

In any other circumstance, you would turn around and welcome the sleepiness making your brain hazey. That was the problem, though: you weren’t able to sleep. The air conditioning unit appeared to be stuck on 68° degrees. You had realized as much before going to bed, but knowing you had to be up in the morning for a meeting, you had decided to push through it. That seemed to be a mistake.

You had been tossing and turning, eventually having to change into leggings and a hoodie, realizing the tank top and shorts weren’t a sufficient source of warmth. Your body was almost rigid as you tossed the white covers aside, stumbling your way out of the twin-sized bed. Snatching your phone and keycard from the small nightstand, you shove both items in the pocket of your hoodie before trudging over to the door.

Your frustration was growing by the minute. You had to wait for three elevators until you had finally been able to squeeze into the fourth one. The rumor about New York appeared to be true, you determined, the city never slept. Even at almost two-thirty in the morning, the hotel guests were bustling about. You usually wouldn’t mind, but your patience was slimming by the second. A cocktail of sweat, alcohol, and perfume engulfed the elevator and you let out a breath of relief as it came to a halt on the main floor.

The remaining people stumbled out with you, almost knocking you over. You bit your tongue to avoid saying anything because you didn’t want to start something you didn’t have the energy to finish. The small group quickly headed toward the exit, their giggles and slurred words fading as they neared it. Huffing, you shoved your hands into the pouch on your stomach, your fingers mindlessly fiddling with the edge of your keycard as you made your way toward the front desk.

The Filipino man (you knew because you had talked to him earlier) smiled as you reached the desk, holding up his finger to signal he would finish on the phone soon. You just nodded, shutting your eyes for a few seconds in an attempt to appear more awake. Shifting your weight from one leg to the other, you glance out at the busy city, the receptionist’s conversation merely background noise. As he bid his goodbyes, you returned your attention to him, trying your best to muster a polite smile.

“Hi! Uh, the AC unit in my room isn’t working right. It’s stuck on 68 degrees for some reason. I thought I’d be able to sleep through it, but I’m here now, so I guess not.”

“I am so sorry, miss,” he apologized, the customer service tone dripping through from voice. His fingers immediately moved along the keyboard and he hummed as he glanced at the monitor in front of him. “It appears we don’t have any single rooms available at the moment. I sincerely apologize. We do have a few double ones, but that would require an upgrade or I could call maintenance and they should be able to fix it within a few hours.”

“A few hours?” the disbelief seeped through and you can’t be bothered to disguise it. “This is a mistake made from your side and you’re making me pay an upgrade fee to fix it?”

“I apologize, ma'am, but that is our policy.”

A loud exhale escaped you and you shook your head, too tired to argue. That didn’t mean you’d come back tomorrow with a prepared speech, though. You wrack your brain for the best possible option, but seeing as your job was paying for your stay, you decided against the upgrade. Waving your hand dismissively, you let him know you would go back to your room and endure the rest of the night in the freezing hellhole. There had to be some spare blankets in there somewhere, right?

You turned on your heel, stalking away, fueled by anger and frustration. You didn’t get very far, however, your enraged marching getting interrupted as you collide with a hard surface. A hushed curse word leaves your mouth as you stumbled backward, your hands frantically fumbling for something to hold on to so you can steady yourself. Your fingers wrapped around whatever they could find and it didn’t take you long to realize it was someone’s arm. Once your balance was returned, you quickly let go and glanced up at whoever you had run into.

A pair of brown eyes met yours and you immediately recognized the worry pooling within them. Clearing your throat, you took a step back, shooting the stranger a sheepish smile. A small chuckle fell from the man’s lips as he, too, smiled. Your eyes scrambled across his tall figure, taking in his features. He had his hood pulled over his head, but there were a few curls poking out and you stopped yourself before you imagined how it would be to run your hands through them. Your gaze flickered down toward the floor, noticing his green plaid pajama pants. You were probably keeping him from going to sleep. Tugging at the hem of your sweatshirt, you met his eyes again, ready to apologize.

“I am so sorry! I, uh, I was mad and I totally wasn’t looking.”

“No worries. Are you alright?” There was a slight roughness to his voice, but it sounds beautiful nonetheless. You nodded quickly and he continued, “I heard what happened. With the, uh, AC and stuff. I’m really sorry.”

You shrugged, trying not to roll your eyes at the whole ordeal. “It’s not your fault. Don’t worry about it. I’m sure I’ll be able to suffer through the rest of the night.”

“You shouldn’t have to, though. I’ll leave them a bad Yelp review on your behalf.”

His statement elicited a laugh from you and he smiled, apparently pleased he had been able to do so. His smile was gentle, but there was a playfulness hiding behind it that a part of you wanted to explore further. Just then, you noticed the steaming paper cup in his hand and you found yourself wondering how he had been able to balance it while trying to prevent you from falling. You had to give it to him; he had some impressive skills. Bringing the cup up to his lips, he took a small sip, his eyes trained on you above the rim of the mug. You averted your gaze, knowing how easily you would get lost in his eyes, and instead fixated on his bobbing Adam’s apple.

“Oh, trust me, I’ll come back in the morning and leave a review in person. I just don’t have the energy right now and I don’t wanna half-ass it.”

“Let me know if you need backup,” he offered quickly, seemingly catching himself before elaborating, “even though I’m sure you won’t need it.”

You wanted to say that you did - that you could use all the help you could get - but you knew that you were perfectly capable of complaining and demanding a refund by yourself. It would have been a nice excuse to see him again, though. You knew he would leave any minute and you would more than likely never see him again. Despite barely meeting him, the thought of never seeing him again was gnawing at the back of your mind. It was ridiculous, at least that’s what you tried telling yourself, but your mind didn’t seem to be listening.

“If you don’t mind me asking,” you said quietly, desperate to keep the conversation going. “What are you doing up?”

“Oh, uh, I just got back to the hotel a little over an hour ago and I’m too energetic to fall asleep,” he explained quietly, ending with a shrug of his shoulders.

“The coffee probably won’t help.”

“You’re probably right,” he chuckled, pursing his lips together. “Still addictive though.”

It was your turn to shrug this time. “Debatable.”

“You don’t like coffee?” His question sounded more like an accusation and you quirked an eyebrow.

“Not my first drink of choice, no. It’s tolerable.”

“Deal breaker right there,” he exclaimed softly, shaking his head. “That settled it. We can’t be friends.”

“Who said I wanted to be your friend, anyway?” you joked, but as his face fell slightly, you nudged his arm gently. “I’m joking.”

The right corner of his mouth twitched and he huffed quietly. If you hadn’t known better, you’d say your joke had upset him. That was stupid, though, because you didn’t know him and you were no expert at reading body language. Still, there was something about the weight he shifted his weight from one leg to another and how quickly his eyes had stopped sparkling that told you otherwise. He seemed genuine enough and he had already made you laugh more than once, so being friends with him didn’t seem all that bad.

You had met your fair share of guys throughout your life, but he gave off a different impression. He was also incredibly attractive, which was undeniable. Even in the dim light illuminating the lobby, the features of his face were breathtaking. You could only imagine how stunning his eyes were in the sunlight and you tried to ignore the burst of disappointment when you realized you would never get to experience it. His jawline was sharp, you had noticed as he kept throwing quick glances out the front windows. You didn’t want to ask why, assuming it was a habit of some sort. You had your fair share of those, too.

“I guess I can look past you not liking coffee,” he admitted, about to say something else when something interrupted him from doing so. He effortlessly fished his phone out from the pocket of his plaid pants, his eyes tracing the notification he had apparently gotten. His jaw tensed momentarily and you assumed it was something he wasn’t expecting or didn’t want to see. “Sorry.”

His apology was muffled but you quickly dismissed it, letting him know it was alright. You observed him quietly as he shoved his phone back into his pocket before briefly looking out the windows again. When he looked back toward you, you were already looking at him and you didn’t bother hiding the fact that you had been studying him. A small smirk made its way to his lips and if you had known him better, you would have slapped his arm to wipe it off his face.

You could imagine it and it was almost scary how easy it was to do so. Being friends with him, that is. Or possibly more, you thought, but tossed away the idea instantly. Holding a conversation with him was effortless and although you had barely talked, it appeared he was a good listener. Maybe that was just a vibe he gave off, but a part of you really wanted to find out. A yawn that you were unable to suppress escaped you and he offered you a soft smile, the corner of his eyes twinkling.

“Okay, well, I should head back to bed, I guess. Again, I’m so sorry for running into you like that,” you trailed off as you extended your hand, hinting toward wanting to catch his name, which you had yet to hear.

He hesitated momentarily before slightly nodding his head as if telling himself it would okay. “Shawn.”

It would have been a lie if you said you didn’t feel the tingle running up your arm as he placed his hand in yours to shake it. You couldn’t quite place what it was, but you stopped yourself before your mind could wander off and explore the various possibilities. He was a random man in a hotel, for Christ’s sake. It wasn’t like he was your soulmate and, besides, it was more than likely your sleep-deprived mind playing tricks on you.

“Y/N.”

“Y/N,” he repeated and the way your name sounded as it fell from his lips was enough to make your cheeks heat ever-so-slightly. He chuckled, bringing his hand up to rub his neck and you noticed a vaguely familiar swallow tattoo as he did. “It was nice, uh, of you to run into me? I mean, it was nice to meet you.”

You nodded quickly. “I guess my clumsiness was finally good for something. It was nice meeting you, too, Shawn. I would say ‘see you tomorrow’, but I doubt it. If I don’t sleep through my alarm, I’ll be at a meeting at 10am. I don’t know why I told you that and now I’m rambling, so…”

“’s a cute ramble, though, not a crazy one,” Shawn informed and if you hadn’t still been cold from the AC, you probably would have blushed. “Goodnight, Y/N. Have fun at your meeting.”

You reluctantly bid your goodbyes. With any other almost-stranger, it would have been incredibly awkward, but Shawn made you feel like you could say or do anything and he wouldn’t care. Maybe that was another reason you were so attracted to him; he made you feel secure and important. He definitely wasn’t like most guys you had run into before. Briefly, the bright idea of asking for his number crosses your mind, but you push it away. If he was hesitant about giving you his name, he definitely wouldn’t give you his phone number. You weren’t brave enough to ask, anyway.

You could feel his eyes on you as you made your way back toward the elevators. There were a few other people in the lobby, but you knew he was looking at you. As if to confirm your hunch, you threw a quick glance over your shoulder before you can stop yourself. His eyes met yours, proving your point, and he tossed his coffee cup in a nearby trash can. Your fingers mindlessly found the button and you waited impatiently, using every ounce of willpower not to turn around again. The descending elevator came to a halt, the familiar bell sound echoing as the doors opened. As you’re about to step inside, his familiar voice calling your name stopped you.

“What’s your room number?” he asked once you looked at him over your shoulder. “You know, so I can leave a bad review.”

His lips stretched into a smile that is too innocent for you not to return. The elevator doors began closing and you reached your hand out to stop them. Your mind filled with alarming thoughts about not knowing him, but you quickly pushed them away to let the curious ones take over. There was a feeling in the pit of your stomach telling you that you could trust him. Ignoring the fact that he didn’t necessarily need your room number to leave the review, you stepped into the elevator.

“402.”

[purplesurveys]

1127

1. What is one thing you will never do again? Watch The Hours. Film itself is great, but is way too triggering.

2. Would you rather be twice as smart or twice as happy? I’d take happiness easily. It’s not bad for the most part to make mistakes and I’d rather be too clumsy than be altogether miserable.

3. What happened the last time you cried? It was the day of what would’ve been our anniversary and at that moment I was alone in my car at a parking lot (waiting for the office to open) on a gloomy day. I just had to cry and let my feelings out for like 5 minutes to accept everything but I was immediately fine afterwards, haha. Grief can be funny.

4. What happened the time in your life when you were the most nervous to do something? My first job interview. It was my first adult thing ever. They never got back to me - very professional of them - but I was still grateful for the experience nonetheless.

5. What would your parents be surprised to learn about you? That I was in a whole ass relationship for technically 6 1/2 years. They probably have an inkling by now, but only about me being in a relationship. I’m sure they would be very surprised if they ever found out how long it had actually gone for.

6. What’s your worst habit? I pick at my toenails when I’m nervous or stressed. I tend to do this when I’m doing a work task that I particularly dread, and sometimes I’ll end up being fixated on the habit for like 10 minutes straight and not get anything done.

7. What superpower would you have for one day? Time travel, just to take quick trips to multiple decades and see how life was like during those times.

8. What fictional character do you have the biggest crush on? Matty from 13 Going on 30 would be one of them. Albert Finney’s character in Two for the Road is also charming as fuck.

9. Where would you live if you could live anywhere in the world? If money wasn’t an issue, probably somewhere cozy in like Switzerland or Canada.

10. What is your most bizarre pet peeve? Not necessarily a pet peeve but I get extremely uncomfortable when someone hands me a gift then they insult the gift while in front of me, saying it’s not a great gift or that I probably don’t need it, etc. Filipinos also have this habit of saying something along the lines of, “You earn way more than me so you’d probably think this gift sucks” like how do you want me to react :(((((( I love receiving gifts and the idea of being thought about already means a lot to me, so it just makes me wince a little bit when I hear statements like the above.

11. Who knows you the best? Gabie, probably. I’ve changed a lot since then, though.

12. What after school activities did you do in high school? Clubs were mandatory extracurricular activities in my high school; in my time, I joined the table tennis and yearbook clubs.

13. What “most likely to” superlative would you be most honored to receive? Idk, we didn’t have those in school. I probably would have been honored to get a journalism-themed one though; something like Most Likely To Write for NYT or Most Likely to Win a Pulitzer or something like that. Obviously that’s changed now and I’ve long let go of journalism as a passion.

14. What’s the last book you really loved? I haven’t read in a long, long while.

15. What was the greatest television show of all time? I don’t watch a lot of TV so I’m not the most credible decision-making body for this lol, but out of all the shows I’ve watched the best one would easily be Breaking Bad.

16. What’s been your favorite age so far? 16. Life was insanely easygoing back then and everything fell into place for me at the time.

17. If you could go back in time, what is one piece of advice you would give your younger self? Know when it’s enough. Be kind to yourself.

18. What one thing would you be most disappointed if you never got to experience it? Have kids.

19. Apologize or ask permission? I don’t understand the relationship between the two.

20. Unlimited love or money? I would love to never have to worry about finances ever again.

21. If you knew you would die in one week, what would you do? Take a week-long leave for work, spend all my money, bond with my dogs, throw a party for my closest friends, and honestly, make my peace with her.

22. What’s your most listened to song? Spotify doesn’t show that feature, but I bet it’s from Paramore or Hayley anyway. It would be impossible to know my most-listened to song of all time, like if we took into account my Spotify, iTunes, etc.

23. Beach vacation or European vacation? I need a beach vacation badly, but a European vacation would be a new and different experience. I’d take the latter.

24. If you could have been a child prodigy what would you have wanted to be skilled at? Playing the piano.

25. What’s the first thing you would do if you won the lottery? Depends on how much I won lmao. I’d probably retire this early if the money was big enough since I’m pretty stingy anyway. But generally, I would like to pay off whatever bills my parents are currently paying for, get back the car that we had to sell because of the pandemic, and maybe go for a solo vacation or five heheh.

26. What celebrity would you trade lives with? Kylie Jenner, for a day. Just so I can briefly have a taste of how being that rich is like.

27. If you were a performing artist, what would you title your first album? Nope.

28. What story do your friends still give you crap about? Staying with Gab despite the red flags that glared for four whole years is one of them. Angela will also never let go of that one time I tried some kind of fruit juice in high school and I described it as ‘packs a punch.’ It’s understood as a super Westernized idiom where I live and literally no one uses it in a casual sentence, so it was a hit with her and now we use ‘packs a punch’ whenever we want to describe something awesome or surprising.

29. If earth could only have one condiment for the rest of time, what would you pick to keep around? Mayonnaise and I will die on this mayonnaise-coated hill.

30. What is the ideal number of people to have over on a Friday night? Ideally? At this point? Like 20. I would love for that to be the case on the first Friday we can consider the Philippines COVID-free.

31. What was the worst age you’ve been so far? Sorry for yet another incoming Paramore reference but they literally have a lyric that goes, “22 is like, the worst idea that I have ever had.” Before turning 22 I used to think it was a weird line, like how could 22 possibly be unenjoyable? Now I’m 22 in a pandemic going through a rough breakup and I can’t even see my friends nor work in my first workplace ever.

32. What is your weirdest dealbreaker? If they wanted only cats as pets. I can deal with a dog and a cat, I guess; but cats were never fond of me so I feel like I’d struggle with this situation lol.

33. What fictional character reminds you most of yourself? Mr. Peanutbutterrrrrrr. Has a lot of love to give, doesn’t always use it on the right people. Also lives on pleasing others.

34. Do you believe in karma? Just to a tiny extent, in how I would want people’s awful actions to come bite them in the ass one day. It’s not a philosophy that controls my life and the things I do whatsoever.

35. What was your favorite TV show as a kid? My absolute favorite was Hi-5, with the original cast. As I got older my interests shifted to Spongebob and The Fairly OddParents.

36. What is the weirdest thing you find attractive in a person? I don’t think it’s weird, but I don’t hear thighs too often when people list down their favorite physical traits. It’s certainly one of mine.

37. What Jeopardy! category would you clear, no problem? A Friends-themed one, obviously. This reminds me of the Jeopardy night I had with some friends a few nights ago! That was so much fun, and Andi makes really great and fun questions hahaha.

38. What is something you’re superstitious about? I don’t think I am about anything.

39. What is the scariest experience you have ever had? Maybe that night my grandpa went into a drunk rampage. I was 9, right in his line of sight, frozen and scared shitless, and I didn’t know who he was going to strike next.

40. Who is a non-politician you wish would run for office? I never really think about this. If someone’s a non-politician then there must be a reason they aren’t, lol.

41. What cheesey song do you have memorized? Little Things by One Direction is very cheesy and it’s one of my least favorite songs of theirs, but I still have it memorized out of habit.

42. What one dead person would you most like to have dinner with, if it were possible? My great-grandpa died all the way back in the 70s, even before some of my aunts and uncles could meet him. It would be cool to spend time with him.

43. Do you think it’s important to stay up to date with the news? Yeah, absolutely. I have the stomach for it lol, so I always monitor what’s happening locally and globally. Skipping the news from time to time is fine because I get how anxiety-inducing and depressing some events can be, but there’s a huge difference between ignoring the news for your mental health and being indifferent altogether. I’d immediately judge anyone who’s the latter, and would assume you are incredibly privileged.

44. What is the best present you could ever receive? My money refunded -____________- I had food delivered to my director, Bea’s house as a surprise earlier today, but apparently I ran into a scammer driver and the fucker drove away with the meal I had bought for Bea. I reported the driver and the situation, and thankfully the customer service rep of the food delivery app quickly responded and said they’d return the full amount I paid for; but I still haven’t received it.

45. Would you give up one of your fingers if it meant you’d have free wifi wherever you go, for the rest of your life? No. Mobile data exists for a reason.

46. What’s the first thing you’d do if you were the opposite sex for one day? Check out my voice.

47. If someone told you you could give one person a present and your budget was unlimited–what present would you get and for whom? I’d love to surprise Angela with an overseas trip that would last for like a month. Traveling is one thing we have yet to do as best friends.

48. What is the nicest thing someone could say about you? Nothing particular, but it makes me happy when people call me strong and when they validate the shit I’ve gone through over the years.

49. Giant house in a subdivision or tiny house somewhere with a view? I would take the giant house. When it comes to my own place, I would want to have a lot of space to roam around.

50. What is the weirdest quirk your family has? Nothing is coming to mind.

[fasa-umich]

Kris Mallabo, FASA 2020-21 Co-Performance Chair

To cut the origin story short, I joined FASA and subsequently FASA E-Board because engaging in my Filipino culture has always been second nature to me, and I did not want my college experience to estrange me from my roots dwelling on the other side of the world. So, at the beginning of my term as performance co-chair, I had many plans and expectations ready to go. I had an anticipated timeline for performance events, inspirations for dances I wanted to conduct, and a solid vision of my sophomore year of college, month by month, lined up ahead of me.

Enter COVID-19, destroyer of plans, devil of expectations, and crusher of hopes and dreams. Prediction became the enemy, as did precedent. The lethargy of quarantine only amplified the helplessness and loss that plagued me as I watched all the opportunities and events I had eagerly awaited disintegrate in front of me, like a meticulously built sandcastle swallowed by the sea and leaving only wet lumps behind.

Alright, I digress. I’m exaggerating. Let an English major be a little dramatic: I don’t always get it out of my system when I’m writing fanfiction, you know.

First FASA performance! Something is awakened...

In all seriousness, the troubles of being a performance chair in the middle of a panna cotta made themselves clear very early on. Kalayaan was cancelled, and to fill the gap of summer performances, we had to quickly figure out a way to get virtual performances to work. We eventually succeeded, to both our relief and excitement. The satisfaction of a single success more than made up for all previously missed opportunities.

I feel like much of my term as performance chair worked out like this. To be transparent, frustration was a defining word of my time on board. Events were constantly cancelled due to COVID, and many of the cool ideas we had at the beginning of the year fell through. Because of this, however, the other defining word of my term was flexibility. I learned to quickly adapt to the constant barrage of cancellations and date moves, and we had to rely on our back-up plans more often than our actual plans -- bend, don’t break. As such, every time something worked out in our favor, it was a victory that negated every loss that came before it. There was no disappointment so great that a single accomplishment could not justify. The bottom line here can be summarized by the poignant lyrics of Chumbawumba’s sweeping 1997 ballad: “I get knocked down, but I get up again/You’re never gonna keep me down.”

I was very much wearing my shirt backward the entire day

If I am mentioning getting up again, however, I cannot do so without acknowledging what it was like being on board as a whole. ‘Teamwork makes the dream work’ is no exaggeration. Although there were rough patches, board members were there to support us through it all. In turn, I learned that support goes both ways and that it’s just as fulfilling to help out a teammate when in need. It seems as though you could always find help from someone, whether it be as a board member or as a friend. The line of professionalism did tend to get a little blurry from how close we were, but it certainly added to the fun I had while on board. The sheer amount of things this year’s board managed to pull off, despite it all, has never failed to impress me, and I am humbled to be a part of a team that contains such talented and driven people.

The talented and driven people in question

One last little divergence before I move on to my little awards ceremony speech segment. I would like to emphasize how proud/happy/excited I am about PCN this year and Performance’s role in it. In its unexpected finality, working through PCN to accomplish something so visible and concrete after everything we’ve been through feels like a sweet yet massive cherry on top. I am writing this after just finishing our last PCN practice of the year. It does not feel real. Almost nothing has, since that fateful March day a year ago, but oddly enough this does not feel like the end to me. I am so grateful that we had this one last opportunity to dance through Filipino culture with FASA, and I can’t wait to see the finished product. I get back up again, indeed.

Performance in the wild

Okay. Without further ado, the awards speech. Thank you, Bea, for being a performance chair inspiration. Thank you, Jason and Jolene, for roping me in your wacky hijinks (JJK supremacy). Thank you, Kate and Estelle, for being an amazing cultural team that pulled off PCN in a year where everything was uncertain. Thank you, all of 2020-2021 E-Board, for good times, for pulling me through bad times, for teaching me new things. Thank you, most of all, to Josh, my lovely partner in crime. Not only would I not have been able to do this job without him, but I would also not have been able to enjoy myself while doing it. With his charm and seemingly endless supply of energy, I truly do not think being a performance chair would have been half as fun without it. We balanced in a way where I could see how my weaknesses aligned with his strengths and vice versa, but we did not settle into a dynamic where he always covered my flaws. Instead, I think he inspired me to strengthen my own personal weaknesses, to find my own voice, and be more assured of myself. I will treasure the memories of the late-night bonding conversations and schemes that took place before elections and continued throughout quarantine until I idly rock back and forth in my chair at the old folks' home. In so many words: hey Josh, you're a fantastic friend and a freaking awesome co-chair. Thank you so, so much for being by my side for this rollercoaster of a school year.

Giggling fit in 3...2...1...

And finally, thank you FASA, thank you for letting me serve you as a performance chair in this ~unprecedented~ time. If someone had told me a year ago exactly what I was getting into, challenges and all, I still would have run for board because even a panettone could not pry me away from my love of FASA and FASA performance. I mean, talk about a found family trope. To me, Filipino culture has always meant the feeling of a warm, ensconcing hug, and I found exactly what I was looking for when I sought out UMich’s Filipino org on the very first day of freshman Festifall. I’ve grown to love this community like a second home, and in turn, this allowed me to grow into a better version of myself (fun fact: I never went by Kris before joining FASA, but somehow that’s just what I ended up being called here. I love it). With FASA, I’ve felt love and friendship and teamwork and all those other shounen anime themes, and I feel like I belong. It’s been fun, it’s been (mostly) safe, it’s been aw yeah FASA yeah. To any future FASA member out there: hold tightly to the open arms FASA welcomes you with. It’s going to be one hell of a ride.

*Friends theme song plays*

Cheers,

Kris Mallabo

[ppatpranss]

GAYA SA PELIKULA EP 01 Review.

Is it even possible to already love a show so much before it even aired? It’s like craving for a food or yearning for a product you’ve never tried before. But you strangely feel so strongly for it, which is exactly what Gaya Sa Pelikula did to me.

As a fan of Juan Miguel Severo since his On the Wings of Love stint and having watched and loved his film Hintayan ng Langit, I have such high respect for him as a writer and artist. So when he started pitching the idea of a boy’s love (BL) series in the Philippines, I was already drawn to it even if I have a specific reservation for the genre and its economics (a conversation for another day). I pretty much lowkey followed the show’s development from its first pitch, the screenplays released on Wattpad, Direk JP Habac being announced as the director, Ian and Paolo being introduced as the leads, the processes in between, and everything all the way to its trailer.

The thing is, it’s so weird feeling involved in a project that’s not really yours or was not a part of. But Gaya and all the love surrounding it took me by storm. I was really nervous last Friday while waiting for its pilot, already bracing myself for a possible disappointment (you see, I’m quite the pessimist) just in case. But you know what? You shouldn’t doubt anything that is made with so much love. Gaya Sa Pelikula is exactly that and its pilot episode is brimming with it.

[WATCH EPISODE 01 HERE]

SCENE BY SCENE – EPISODE 01.

1 – The dance.

The show opens with a narration, “do you ever feel like you’re not the protagonist of your own story?” We see a gazebo lit up and two men slow-dancing, but we only see Karl’s (Paolo Pangilinan) face as he continues to talk about how it often feels like he’s a Janus character – that even if Joross or Ketchup plays the part, it doesn’t really make a difference. The script is written so there’s nothing you can do about it. As they continue to dance, Karl asks him if he feels the same way. To which, he said yes. In agreement, Karl said that he’d like to someday write or have a story he can call his own. The man then replied that he, too, would like to have his own story, specifically adding, “but I want to be in charge of the ending, too.”

Even if we don’t see Vlad’s (Ian Pangilinan) face, we all know it’s him that Karl is dancing with in this sequence. I found this opening scene very intriguing partly because it looked like a dream, and mostly because the conversation voiceover feels like it did not exactly happen on this specific scene. Having read the available screenplay on Wattpad, my instant assumption is to think of it as having a connection with Vlad’s old flame, Aldous, but it feels like a stretch for now because the trailer at least did not show him as having this much influence in their story. Besides, the Wattpad screenplays are a fictionalization of the accounts of what happened to Karl and Vlad over the sem break as told by an unreliable narrator in Karl. Hence, the Aldous factor isn’t exactly feasible for now.

So for now, I’m only going to take it as it is. I loved watching all of the emotions playing on Karl’s face especially in his eyes. His eyes were totally focused on Vlad, and in that moment you can see him slowly realizing that the person he’s been looking for is right in front of him. It is a gaze of someone who loves and a gaze given only to a beloved. The feeling consumes you so much that all you’re really left with is courage. Now that it fills up your chest, what are you going to do with it to take charge of your own story?

2 – tyl and attractions.

Karl and Vlad’s first interaction is through a loud music that prevents him from concentrating on a job that he’s been working on. It’s such a nuisance that he can’t help but go out of his unit to ask Vlad to turn down the music. Unexpectedly so, the door was open, and he saw him drunkenly dancing to tyl (by kakie). Instead of ‘seen,’ I feel like the right word to describe it was Karl being transfixed by this person so enveloped by his own world. He’s not really sure what is up with him, but he cannot help but look because he was intrigued by him. Of course, Vlad is not very welcoming and even slammed the door on his face. He didn’t turn the music down anyway and Karl ended up dancing to it in his own unit.

For a show that pays homage to a lot of Filipino rom-com, I was actually surprised that this initial attraction feels lowkey and understated, and I loved it that way. I guess we’re all in agreement when I say that a lot of our romance films have these grand moment that instantly stirs a park between a would-be pair. With Karl and Vlad, it was about the gazes. Even the eye contact on the scene the following day for their second encounter involved eye-to-eye. Makes you think a lot about how love is really about seeing.

As for the song choice, I have always liked kakie’s tyl before this series, but this specific scene amplified my affection for it. It was mentioned by Gege though, in their interview with the reactors, that Vlad was specifically listening to the song as it relates to Aldous. It makes sense now. At this point, I’m starting to feel the impending doom of whatever the character will bring, but here’s to hoping he doesn’t take too much space in Karl and Vlad’s story.

3 – Karl and his parents

On a morning call with this parents, it’s evident that Karl comes from a loving family. Both of his parents are affectionate, openly telling him that they miss him. They also express that they’re proud of him for immediately earning money from his online writing gig. It’s obvious that they mean well for him and that they are doing this family tradition to help him be more independent and get to know himself. I suppose it’s worth noting that his dad had a bit of a swipe about his Tito Santi. He starts hinting that he spent more time meeting with men than looking for a job, but his mother cut him off. That is a good way to establish what can be a problem later on when Karl slowly starts to come to terms with his sexuality.

On one hand, I find hope in the fact that they seem to be loving and accepting people. Maybe there is hope that they will wholeheartedly accept Karl as he is, or at least, his mother will. Although I can’t help but feel how conflicted things will be once this comes together with his desire to shift to Film from Architecture.

4 – Cosmic connections

Above shot is my favourite from the pilot. I find that it tells us a lot about what is yet to come for Karl’s story. In the frame, Karl and Vlad are separated by a line (this was also discussed during the Direk Takes last Saturday). Karl is perched at a sofa reflected by a mirror and we see him stressed out and preoccupied by a problem he encountered because of his online job. On Vlad’s side of the frame, he is standing next to the three standout materials that best represents Karl: his film slate keychain, his architecture materials, and a poster of CINEMA PARADISO. Upon noticing, Vlad asks, “you like movies?”

That gets me. I love that the first thing that Vlad noticed about Karl is his interest in film, and this is something that connects them, albeit not yet known to Karl. Vlad is a film major (an info that is yet to be disclosed in the show, which I only know because of the screenplays). So going back to the frame, there is just so much weight on the film side now that Vlad is also in the picture, and obviously the scale is about to get tipped onto it.

5 – Ate Judit (no H) and the economics of a fake relationship

As Karl tries to check Vlad’s pants for the possibility that he might have taken something from his apartment, Vlad’s sister walked in on them in a compromising situation that obviously leads to a misinterpretation.

First off, Ate Judit’s moments were really hilarious. We seriously have a lot to thank for Adrienne Vergara for making sure that her character is a mouthpiece for progressive allyship and perspective, while making sure to bring in comic relief so as not to make the show too heavy or preach-y.

A lot of things happened in the last gap of this episode.

Judit at the very least knows about Vlad. She seems to be a cool sister, but an overbearing one too. While there’s good intention on her part to express her support for this brother’s sexuality and the fact that she ‘caught’ him the act with Karl, she couldn’t leave him alone for privacy matters. Although from an elder sister standpoint, I also understand the situation especially considering that there seems to be a conflict within the family. If it’s safe to assume that Vlad’s mom cannot accept him, Judit as the elder sister tries to compensate for it. I like this dynamic and I am really interested on how this can be developed.

On the other hand, Karl is stuck to witness all of these. Suddenly, he is being completely pulled into the world of his neighbor. Last night, it was just the music and the instant attraction. But today, he was there beside him, already being oriented into his family and life issues and all the mystery surrounding Vlad. All of the build-up to the last scene was extremely amusing. Suddenly there is chaos when Vlad and Ate Judit were fighting over a phone and Karl runs to the side clinging onto his laptop for dear life. Then Vlad was walking towards him and grabbing his waste, telling his sister he’s in love with him, and calling him pancake. Vlad whispered the magic words, ‘I’ll pay for your rent this month’ and it’s enough for Karl to turn things around and tells Ate Judit, “yes, ate, we’re in love with each other.”

In true rom-com fashion, things are set. A fake relationship has been established, but I love that it is not for a petty reason as making someone else jealous or anything (though that would be fun, too). In this instance, economics is involved because the motivation for Karl’s choice is money. He needed the money not only to pay for rent, but also to prove to his parents that he is indeed capable. I think it speaks so much about the things we do not really want but had to swallow to compromise. In real life, you sometimes trade so much of your beliefs and dignity to secure a job or to earn money for your family. For the LGBTQIA+ community, as a minority group, this means needing to accept what is set aside for them—of being grateful for something small even when they deserved more, because the next job might not come if one resists.

So, it feels like such a proud moment seeing the closing remark at the end, we will take back our story. As you should.

6 – Epilogue

As Unti-Unti by UDD plays, we see Karl and Vlad in the living room. Karl is seated on the couch, while Vlad is standing a few feat away while drinking (what I assume to be) coffee. Both of them are laughing at whatever they’re watching, but then you also see them fidgeting, especially Karl. It’s obvious that they are aware of each other’s presence. At one point, Karl straightens up and glances down a little at his hands. Vlad does the same. Mirroring :)

Comments; What do I look forward to?

This specific gif is not from episode 1. It is lifted from the trailer.

This is really one of the best pilots I’ve seen in Philippine TV. It is fast paced, but also knows when to take a breath and let the elements settle in. It lays the groundwork in 20 minutes so smoothly – something that would take some shows halfway the series, or several weeks of episodes for teleseryes. All of the elements just comes together. The editing is on-point, with really good transitions and just the right amount of filler ease the viewer into the more emotionally stirring scenes. The music is not intrusive at all, finding just the right spots to highlight certain scenes. The scoring during Vlad and Karl’s kapkapan scene was made extra enjoyable because of that sort-of funky tune. Even the opening theme is so good, I sometimes find myself humming it in my head. Plus, that apartment and the overall set design is gorgeous. They’re mostly earthly tones, dominated by yellow and brown (at least in this episode) that just makes everything feel warm.

I know that this will sound biased, but I did like both of Paolo and Ian’s performances. I came into the show, of course, with a knowledge of their past acting experiences so the scale to which I measure their performances are relevant to that. I appreciate Ian’s overall veracity to make Vlad come alive. Even with a limited screentime on the first episode, he’s already coming on strong and Ian made sure that his presence is felt. Paolo did a good job as a newbie actor. I think it helps that his character is quite awkward and kind of innocent, so everything just works. I especially liked the shine in his eyes that just shows the innocence of Karl. And while I find that there’s still a lot he can improve on, especially in terms of line delivery and nuances, I think that he can eventually learn this through workshops for the next season. What’s important is he can hold his own ground.

The pilot episode really reminds me a lot of how fast rom-coms establish their stories at the first part of a movie. Several characters pop up to help the two leads build tension. Certain circumstances come up to somehow push them towards each other, often a sticky situation that they can’t easily escape from so then they would need each other. While most viewers will find these cliché and typical, that is exactly the intention. It just so happened that this time, two guys are at the center of it instead of the hetero-normative conventions of a male and female lead.

All things considered, as a rom-com, I am excited to discover if I would really end up shipping Karl and Vlad. I know for a fact that Ian and Paolo have intense chemistry. This is evident in the trailer, and even in real life, they just have such a good connection together. After watching a lot of their interviews since the pilot, one thing that really struck me is when they started talking about whether they ship the characters in the show. Thankfully, both of them said that they do so I remain optimistic for that.

The reason that I find this interesting is because I am reminded again that as much as this show is a passion project and an advocacy, it is also a story about two people falling in love. I would very much love to swoon over an on-screen couple any time, but it matters to me more to see how they arrived at the realization. I want to see what made Karl and Vlad interested in each other romantically over the course of the sem break. I expect the show to really explore this organically and lead us to see what makes them work as a couple – a couple that we can all root for. There is an obvious hint of coming-of-age for both of them, so I am interested in how they affect each other’s personal growth and how they also work on themselves individually. I expect nothing less from Severo in this regard and given that both Paolo and Ian ships Karl and Vlad, I guess it’s safe to say that I can, too, for now.

--

Gaya Sa Pelikula airs new episodes every Friday 8PM (Manila time) on Globe Studio’s Youtube channel.

[bitterxweetencounters]

~5 months later~

Ok I lied. I’m not going to talk about my Japan trip in this post. Instead I’m going to provide an update on what’s been going on in my life for the past 5 months since my last post. Lol. 

Okaaaay. So we ended up having a second wave. Hahah..aha..hah. A very intense and overwhelming one, at that. There was a day I believe when the number of new covid cases reached almost 800? It happened around mid this year. I remember it being a really devastating and disappointing period of everyone’s lives. It would seem like the number of new cases would only get worse everyday. I would be so put off from watching the news or reading about anything related to covid ‘cause it would only make me depressed. 

Today is a notable day to write this post ‘cause today’s the first day, since this second wave started, that VIC reached 0 new cases and 0 new deaths. 4 stages of lockdown (plus an extension) later, we're finally here! Everyone up until this day had been feeling it - despair, restlessness, anger, hopelessness - at this lockdown that seemed would never end. But today we got the news that VIC will be re-opening again (1st stage) this Wednesday (it’s a Monday today), then even more on Nov 8. The glimmer of hope we’ve been waiting for, for literally months now. 

Now for the non-covid related updates. Lol. 

It’s tempting sometimes to overgeneralise 2020 as “the year wasted”. “Nothing happened this year” (besides covid of course). But there have been a few new things I’ve experienced this year which I think would be worth noting. And a few thoughts I’ve been having lately that I really need to deposit somewhere before I forget them. 

Ever since I became single early this year, I’ve received some interesting dm’s via Instagram. One of the first ones was from this guy from Canada, who sent me one of my posts via my DM then proceeded to comment “cute haha *monkey covering it’s mouth emoji*”. I got this message while I was showering, at like 3am, so it was pretty unexpected. This was the beginning of a very strange friendship (?) thing. Long story short, and around a month later, I found out him to be a very strange guy. He was cute, seemed like a catch at first. BUT he gave off major player vibes and also, he was basically 4-5 years younger than me, and didn’t live up to the maturity he claimed to have (emotional maturity mainly). He would make it seem like he was after a relationship with me sometime in the future but also kept implying that he wasn’t necessarily after a relationship right now, and just wanted to “go with the flow”. He was always complimenting me, always wanted to FaceTime everyday, and would sweet talk me with things that were nice to hear. But I couldn’t shake off the feeling that he was bad news and wasn’t really serious about any of this (I even kept telling him I was thinking this). I should mention he was asking for a selfie and wanted to FaceTime from the very first conversation we had (after only exchanging a few messages). We didn’t even know each other yet?? Lmao. After a few weeks of talking to him I eventually caught him in a lie, and yeah. That was one of the biggest red flags. I had a weird feeling about him from the get go, but I guess I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt (and also what threw me off a lot is that he told me that he told his Mum about me - but I’ll never know if that was just a lie too). He also told me that he was going to visit here from Canada in August (it’s October now) and kept going on about how he wanted to spend a whole week out of the two weeks he was going to be here, with me, and how I’m so chill and fun to talk to that we would have so much fun spending time together. Lmaooo. He told me he’s dated a lot of older girls (I’m not sure if this is a fetish of his), but every time I asked him how many exes he’s had, it would always be a different number (which is hella sus ‘cause it seemed like he was lying then). He tried to do some weird sexual stuff as well which I never entertained and pretty much shut him down straight away whenever he tried. Not sure if he was just joking, but it was disturbing nonetheless. I won’t go into detail ‘cause this isn’t the place for it. It eventually got to a point where I was decided on the fact that I couldn’t take this guy seriously and didn’t want to waste both our time so I started replying less/later to his messages, basically friend-zoned him by calling him “man” and “dude”, and teased him about other girls saying that he had potential with them. I think he eventually got the hint ‘cause one day he just stopped texting me “good morning” everyday. Lol. But anyway, yeah that was more or less the main stuff about guy #1. 

Guy #2 was from London and it started with one of my girl friends messaging me and asking me if I was talking to someone at the moment. I said I wasn’t and she proceeded to tell me that one of her boyfriend’s friends found me really pretty and wanted to follow me on Instagram. She then sent me a few photos of him (screenshots from his IG account), asking if I would be interested (I felt like I was on a dating site for a moment lmao). While flattering, I remember thinking this was so bizarre. To be honest with you though the guy wasn’t my type (looks-wise). My friend said he was “a real sweetheart”. Even though he wasn’t my type, I gave it a chance and told her that I don’t mind him following me. We both agreed that the guy and I had nothing to lose, and if anything we’d just become international friends. Lol. So soon enough the guy follows me on IG and then starts a convo via DM. He introduces himself, seemed like a nice/decent guy. Very articulate, and well versed. He would comment on my stories here and there and try to get a conversation going, try to get to know me better and try to share things about himself. I think I recall him saying he thought I lived in Japan ‘cause I had a lot of posts from Japan. Lmao. It would get to the point though where he would write massive paragraphs, but the energy wasn’t called for, and didn’t feel mutual. I think I found it a bit overwhelming and felt like he wanted to take every opportunity to write an essay about his views on everything. There was a particular time I did an IG story post where I was venting about something, and he replied to it with like two long paragraphs worth of his thoughts, and then said he would be there for me even though we didn’t really know each other that well yet etc. Which was really sweet - yes. But also felt too early, premature. It almost felt like he was trying to forge an emotional connection too early on in a relationship which wasn’t even at the friends stage yet. We’d only been talking for like 2 weeks or so. I couldn’t help it, but I think my neutral and short replies gave off a hint, and he commented less and less on my stories. Till eventually he stopped altogether. Lol. Also I think I may have accidentally called him “man”....on purpose. I feel like a horrible person. There was a point early on though that I looked through his IG profile and tried to find things about him that I liked (I basically tried to convince myself that maybe the guy wasn't so bad). But I think that wasn’t successful. And yeah, it was hard to hide that fact for long I think. 

Guy #3 is this random guy that just followed me out of no where and liked a bunch of my photos on IG all at once. He then started commenting on my stories quite a lot. He would leave brief comical comments, and tried to get me to play animal crossing with him. Lol. He tried to start a convo one time but I didn’t reply to it for a few hours, and then found that he deleted it. Lol?? He would then like a few more of my IG pics. He was a bit strange. I wasn’t quite sure if he was trying to show that he was interested, or if he was just bored and wanted more friends. But yeah he doesn’t comment on my stories much anymore.  Now that I’ve gotten those out of the way, just thought I’d go on about my recent thoughts. So lately I’ve been feeling really stuck. I have a quarter-life crisis pretty much every day. I feel like I’ve plateaued, and I’m not really growing much right now. I feel like I need new experiences, new company. Most of the ones I have at the moment aren’t serving me well or helping me become a better person, if I’m honest. And I’m not happy. The company I have right now aren’t encouraging me to level up, or helping me expand my thoughts and horizons. I’ve noticed that a lot of the friends I was close to pre-covid have changed a lot, and so have I, so we’re not really offering much to each other. I’ve become so low energy lately that I find myself trying to avoid or escape dealing with people or situations that I feel aren’t worth my energy. Which I want to start doing more of from now on. I want to be more selective of the people I chose to surround myself with. I also want to find my community or a new community which I can be part of and grow from. Not sure how or where I will find that, but it’s something I’m keen on delving into more as time goes by. I want to be more myself, I want to change up my look, my fashion. I want to expand my knowledge, expand my vocabulary, expand the diversity of ways I talk/present myself or respond/reply to situations. I want to feel like I have something to offer - not only to my future partner, but to the friends I make in this lifetime. I feel like I’m too basic and uninteresting. I feel like I’m also too careful, too slow, too afraid to make mistakes. Too afraid to take risks. I want to stop “complaining about things, but doing nothing about them”. I want to be confident in myself, no matter what I feel that I am. If that makes sense. I want to speak more clearly, slower. I want to be able to speak Filipino fluently. I want to find the career that I love and work in it. I want to work with people that I can genuinely be friends with, not just colleagues or “fake friends”. I want to not care about what people will think about me, and just do me (especially on IG). I want to be unapologetically myself. But before that, I want that self to be the kind of self I aspire to be. Can you want to be different, but also want to just be yourself at the same time? Can someone confirm this?