#i am NOT immune to siblings in fiction

[k4pp4-8]

I was planning on drawing something for an ask but then I got distracted and drew these dorks instead

[nerves-nebula]

being suicidal is pretty funny sometimes. pretty much everyone in my family who doesn't die of cancer dies by suicide. got all my matrilineal grandmas for the past like 200 years, plus mom's dad, an uncle, a cousin on my dad's side, etc. mom's tried before. people in my family love to kill themselves it's like our one uniting pastime transcending all politics and opinions. me n my siblings all have that mental illness mental hospital patient swag too but i got on meds that work seven years ago and i've been golden since. written a bunch of fiction about characters dealing with generational curses and suicidality and chronic pain and grief. have had people tell me that those stories saved them and/or gave them strength at extremely dark times in their lives.

which is awesome except now my immune system has started trying to kill me, i guess as a punishment for not ending things when i was 15. which is making me suicidal for the first time in ages. but this time it's for extremely reasonable reasons of, like, 'you can only lose so much of your brain function and ability to move and capacity for pain before it's just simple logic to die about it.' got an OC i project alla that on so i can write it when i can write, which is hit-or-miss due to the aforementioned brain function stuff, but it's like. NOW if i kill myself everyone who was helped by my writing is gonna think it was all a lie and that life really is hopeless bc if i couldn't escape the generational curse then why should they, and it's just. like. no guys i SWEAR i meant it and still do mean it. it's still relevant for you. i am just dying for reasons that are completely unrelated. chill out

anyway i'm not allowed to die by suicide OR by autoimmune disease because i too have been forbidden by my life partners, & it would actually ruin their lives if i did, so i'm not in danger or anything. most of the time i'm very well-adjusted and coping excellently. and i hope you're taking care of yourself as well. it's just like DAMN. i really gotta fight EVERY GODDAMN DAY for the next SIXTY YEARS?? EVERY GODDAMN DAY?? AM I NOT ALLOWED ONE FUCKING BREAK,

man that sucks ASS. i mean. it's like kind of funny that your entire family lineage appears to be fucking cursed. but in a "god that sucks" kind of way not a "haha" way.

NOW if i kill myself everyone who was helped by my writing is gonna think it was all a lie and that life really is hopeless bc if i couldn't escape the generational curse then why should they, and it's just. like. no guys i SWEAR i meant it and still do mean it. it's still relevant for you. i am just dying for reasons that are completely unrelated. chill out

anyway i'm not allowed to die by suicide OR by autoimmune disease because i too have been forbidden by my life partners, & it would actually ruin their lives if i did, so i'm not in danger or anything.

these are hella fuckin relatable. the main reasons i cant kms are

girlfriend would be so sad :(

it means i wasted ppls money sending me to college

if i kms then who will finish my comics???? who will talk casually about incest on this damn webbed site???

i often describe it as less of wanting to kms and more like i want a break from life. like a nice coma or something. or the ability to skip over periods of time. UNFORTUNATELY i must SUFFER to LIVE. SAD oh well guess I'll embrace the good and bad the world has to offer, as if I have a CHOICE!!

[gib-mir-gift]

making an oc list here cuz i keep forgetting my own fictional people

Julius - manisfestation of depression, anxiety, eating disorders, intrustive thoughts, and just generally everything wrong with me. favourite drawing is of it sitting in a window and waving.

Maximus - julius brother. same routine different font. favourite drawing is of him puppeteering me while singing 'gehenna' by slipknot.

Johannes - the child of krampus. basically krampus jr but a major stoner. favourite drawing is of them smoking while studying a snow globe.

Amsterdam - johannes asshole cat. the soul of their best friend (who was a human named Virgo that died) was moved into his cats body to live on. the cat body got fucked up tho so hes obviously not a normal pet cat. favourite drawing is of his soul moving from his human body to the cat body.

Melodic - think venom meets an alternate from 'the mandela catelogue' (though i created it before i knew what venom was + before tmc came out). way too many teeth, communicates via low hums that sort of mimic human singing. favourite drawing is of it crouching in a door frame.

Brennan Walker - the cringefail loser that melodic loves putting through situations n circumstances n such. think paul matthews from tgwdlm but worse in ways that nmt couldnt even begin to comprehend. favourite drawing is of him lifeless on the floor while melodic looks at him like a kid looking at a bug under a rock.

Flatline - what brennan turns into when melodic finally gets bored. favourite drawing is its existential crisis/joy overload at what its become and the torture from melodic being over.

ZebraSpider - spidersona. deaf trans woman. she can jump over pretty much any building, and her fighting style mimics an aerial silk performance. favourite drawing is of her beating the absolute fuck out of her nemesis.

Mister Formid - zebraspiders nemesis. supernatural ability to control peoples stress levels (can make you feel calm, nervous, euphoric, pure dread, etc etc) just by looking at them. favourite drawing is him getting the absolute fuck beat out of him by zebraspider.

Matthew 'Keys' Köhler - ghostbusters oc. blind in one eye, tattoo sleeve of keys, slut gay autistic enby (they/he) that joined between gb1 and gb2. best friend is winston. faceclaim is ayre gross. favourite drawing is of them sucking face with peter.

Elija Zeddemore - another ghostbusters oc. winstons younger brother, aroace king, plays chess with egon a lot. best friends with janine. faceclaim is corey dorris. favourite drawing is of him unimpressed by winston covered in exploded stay puft marshmallow man.

Umberella - a birman 'cats' oc. best friends with plato and admetus. his human family moved to the area of the junkyard then abandoned him when moving back. he doesnt care cuz he likes the jellicles infinitely more than them. favourite drawing is of him trying to slut it out for skimble during the jellicle ball ('trying' cuz skimble is immune to his flirting).

Nettle - umberellas older sibling. closer to cassandra, alonzo, munkustrap, and demeter but her best friend is bombalurina (who calls him 'nett' which very very conveniently means 'nice'). they spend a lot of time sleeping and sunbathing and literally nothing else

Dugal Jones - pronounced 'doo-gull'. i am cringe but i am free cuz i made this maggotsona to be craigs kid. sampler that also plays bass in their spare time. the most goat/sheep themed lil dude you have ever seen in your life. favourite drawing is of them being taught how to play piano by clown.

Ae'ito - 'avatar' oc. ometicaya hunter. part of tsu'teys close friend group (before tsu'tey died) then became a close friend of mo'at, norm, and max after the clan moved to the mountains. favourite drawing is of her braiding the hair of norms avatar.

Fernweh - my fursona. black, red, yellow, and a very light burgandy coloured sabertooth dog (i have yet to decide the type of dog but their canine features tend to be very german shephard). favourite drawing is of them in a crop top that says "fat men are hot".

i have like 20 other furry ocs that i am entirely too lazy to include here so all youre getting is my fursona lmao

[lover-cook]

Valentine's Week : Familial

Ohhhh familial f/os oh my familial f/os. These guys do genuinely mean so much to me you don't even know man. I'm gonna ramble about my fictional dads and siblings to my hearts content!

I'm gonna start with the Powerful Dad Quartet!

Buggy, Mihawk, and Shanks in particular really REALLY resonate with me like. THOSE ARE MY DADS! Shanks was probably the first that I connected with like family when I watched OPLA for the first time. Then I watched Film: Red and I was sold wahah. In my head he's who hypes me up and has my back the most and that's means.. alot. Next was Buggy who happened after I started my watch of the anime and got to know him better. He reminds me a lot of the irl father figures I've had in my life, which is a trend you'll see as we go on. He's explosive and impulsive and loud and kind of an ass but that's part of the fun I think. I have problems speaking up for myself and setting boundaries especially around men so the idea of him understanding and respecting me but still being his goofy and obnoxious self is.. kind of like practicing in my head, you know? MIHAWK MY DAD MIHAWK! Okay going to be honest my connection to him mostly builds off Goth Family headcanons and inserting myself into them wahah. That doesn't mean I don't have my reason's though. Mihawk is like the soft-spoken but earnest autistic dad I didn't know I needed. The kind to listen to my rambles and interests and be supportive even if he doesn't get it at all, you know? Don't tell anyone but he's my favorite lkndalkadflnk And the most recent is Crocodile! Which I don't have enough to give proper thoughts outside of I enjoy him a lot and him being in Cross Guild was the final push to just go ahead and add him. He gives me scary-dad "my daddy's got a gun" privilege's./hj NOW I CAN TALK ABOUT MY PIRATE SIBLINGS. :D

LUFFY AND UTA MY BROTHER AND SISTER LUFFY AND UTA!

When I tell you from the BEGINNING I got some little brother energy from Luffy wahah. I can't tell you the kinship I feel with Luffy and it's not just because he also gives me gender envy. I think getting a full body arm wrap hug from him would fix me and make me the happiest person on earth. AND UTA!! I need just one movie and snacks night with her and I think we'd connect instantly. Their isn't much outside of sibling energy with these two and the connections to Shanks with both of them. I realized if Shanks is my dad these two are my brother and sister and when I tell you I WAS SO HAPPY. Absolute goobers <3 Now onto the non One Piece people!!

Silver my amazing cyborg dad Silver <3 This was probably my first emotionally charged familial f/o. I learned about Treasure Planet during the emotional rollarcoaster that was 2020 and I got attached QUICKLY! He's another one of my many fatherly f/os that really really reminds me of the father figures I've had in my real life and that effects how I interact with him. Silver was one of the few characters at the time that really said what I needed to hear, you know? I saw myself a lot emotionally in Jim and watching the pep talks he was given by Silver felt like I was getting those too. Once again I think a full body beer belly hug would fix me waha.

GLAMROCK FREDDY!!! MY SUPERSTAR!! I am not immune to big robot dad influences. For all it's faults Security Breach didn't hold any punches with the characterization of their animatronics and their is no better an example than Glamrock Freddy! I was just as affected by the "way to go Superstar!" and got attached QUICKLY! He's just such a sweetie and is such a good dad he would make sure I was so so loved and supported.

AND I NEED TO MENTION THE WACHOSKI'S !!! This group genuinely gives me such soft and sunshiney feelings for a family that only exists in two movies (not to say I don't connect with Tails and Knuckles outside of the movies but them in this family format Hits Different) They are THE definition of a comfort family for me and I can't help at look and Maddie and Tom and see parents, you know? They bring me such a sense of childlike joy and carefreeness that's unparalleled. And Tails, Knuckles, and Sonic are so like. Sweet and realistic in the sense of being siblings, you know? I would gladly sign up to be the nerdy but cool older siblings in their group. I wear the badge of being the one to get us out of trouble like a BADGE!

And some honorable mentions to Astrid, Giovanni, and Wukong as well even though I don't have the time to talk about them too much! A lot of my familial f/os come from a place of projection and healing from my unhealthy home life growing up and these three mean a lot to me in that way. Giovanni and Astrid really really remind me of my own mother and the father figures in my life and through them I come to understand that more and help myself feel better about that situation I was put in. And Wukong reminds me a lot of an unperfect dad who's at least trying and learning and growing as a person as well as being a male role model I didn't get to have.

[lackadaisicalnereid]

top 5 tv episodes? top 5 songs (currently or Of All Time)??

top 5 tv episodes currently, in no particular order, things I've watched or rewatched recently:

1 sharp objects series finale 2 star trek strange new worlds s02e03 3 community s01e23 4 succession series finale 5 black sails s02e01

top 5 tv episodes ever, in no particular order 1 doctor who s01e09 father's day 2 btvs, s02e22, becoming part 2 3 twin peaks s02e22 beyond life and death 4 hannibal s02e13 mizumono 5 the west wing s02e22 two cathedrals

(also, @sunbelieving I loved both your asks (all four of your asks?) but writing the tv stuff took a lot out of me and I just do not have it in me to do the same for songs, which I think might be even more challenging. I might return to it later, however)

thinky-thoughts hidden below

sharp objects series finale

This is one of those cases where it's taken me years to get around to finally watching something I'm convinced I'll like. My life is like that, it makes no sense. It feels weird to single out one episode of a whole that is so strongly one thing, but the finale is where everything culminates & the first two thirds had my stomach in knots. The ending reveal montage was brilliant and gutting. Amy Adams and Eliza Scanlen are forever good in my books on the strength of the finale.

star trek strange new worlds s02e03

Love La'an and what she gets to do in this episode. It's both classic TOS shenanigans in a way that I thoroughly enjoy & it's also character developing in a way TOS arguably could not have been, as that was not really the tv landscape back in the day. I found her attachment to Kirk both sweet and heartbreaking, and there were some moments along the way I thought were just excellent fun, like Kirk getting them money by playing chess, because Kirk plays chess with his first officer in every universe, and La'an and Kirk choosing the same outfit when they go to the shop and need regular Earth clothing. Adelaide Kane put in a good performance as the guest star, and not only was the plot fun, but it also managed to advance some character arcs, primarily La'an's, but also Pelia's. All good in my book.

community s01e23 modern warfare

I accidentally rewatched a few episodes of Community yesterday and just had such incredible amounts of fun with this and some other episodes. The ability of the cast and crew to work across genres and plotlines and tropes and still have convincing characters and even character arcs, as well as relationship arcs, is still a brilliant accomplishment in my books. Also, early Jeff/Britta, what a wonderful sitcom disaster.

succession series finale

Look, I am not immune to siblings and tragedy. I would really love to say I have something to add to the immeasurable amounts of Succession discourse, but I am not sure I do. The final sibling argument scene wherein Kendall, for a shot at the throne, takes back his confession of murder (manslaughter probably?) which was what jump started his patching-things-up-with-the-siblings and was arguably the moment they were all most there for each other in the whole series? Horrifying, beautiful, stupid, inevitable. Tragic.

black sails s02e01

I have decided to cheer for all thing queer and fun and my friends that I am watching this with are both highly into this as well, so it's not necessarily the episode itself that I enjoyed so much, as it was my experience of watching it, but I treasure it. Also, I cannot believe I am getting attached to John Silver of all fictional characters in all the pirate gin joints, but what can you do, I am weak, someone save me.

top tv episodes of all time, in no particular order

Honestly, there's like an extremely slim chance that this is actually my top 5 episodes of tv ever, but I'm really trying here & will try to explain my thinky thoughts. Having written the list and given it a bit of a thing, there's definitely a theme here of themes being developed & brought to escalation, plotlines being finished, tragic and horrible choices being made, high stakes, and (the least in the case of the doctor who episode) the landscape of the show and of what the show is/means being changed forever by the episode.

doctor who s01e09 father's day

Listen, I know. I hear you. I want to say ANYTHING basically with Amy. Amy is forever my favorite Doctor Who companion. But on my recent Doctor Who re-watch I discovered depths of appreciation I did not know I had for Father's Day. I love Rose's self-centeredness, and Nine's anger and then angered resignation to it, which inevitably ends in honest forgiveness. I always cry over Nine's speech to the young couple.

DOCTOR: How did all this get started? STUART: Outside the Beatbox Club, two in the morning. SARAH: Street corner. I'd lost my purse, didn't have money for a taxi. STUART: I took her home. DOCTOR: Then what? Asked her for a date? SARAH: Wrote his number on the back of my hand. STUART: Never got rid of her since. My dad said. SARAH: I don't know what this is all about, and I know we're not important. DOCTOR: Who said you're not important? I've traveled to all sorts of places, done things you couldn't even imagine, but you two. Street corner, two in the morning, getting a taxi home. I've never had a life like that. Yes. I'll try and save you.

tears

(But also, you know. AMY POND.)

btvs becoming part 2

Listen, I know. There's so much of BTVS that's dear to me, and it's hard to pick any one thing and be happy with your choice. But I recently rewatched the first two seasons and was surprised at how much I felt during Becoming. Even as someone who is not extremely attached to Angel/Buffy, the setup and the tragedy of it is beautiful, imo, & SMG's terrific beyond words. And I am a sucker for high stakes. Also, whatever one thinks of Xander's not-telling-Buffy thing, as someone who's just watched s2 of Warrior Nun, DEAR SISTERS IN CHRIST, do I wish someone working on that show was not afraid of having a character make such a radical move. And not just in a show like Succession, where it does not weigh the same, because everyone's choices are horrible exactly all of the time, but in a show about teenagers, super-powered and not, just honest-to-god trying to prevent apocalypses. Not to mention the whole Angelus arc leading us to Buffy killing him. And the fallout from this arguably follows everyone in the main cast until the end of the show. Also, the No weapons…no friends…no hope. Take all that away and what's left? Me. Gets me every time.

twin peaks s2 finale

Still contains the single most terrifying scene I have seen in my life. Honestly, I don't even want to talk about it. Imagine the worst thing that could possibly happen in a show that is ostensibly about the struggle between good and evil and then that exact thing happening. It is horrifying in a visceral, existential way. I don't wanna talk about it, alright.

hannibal season 2 finale

Not me getting attached to fictional men, noooooooo. Why. Also, it's starting to look, as I am writing this, that I am way more into tragedy than I would normally say about myself, and I am not sure what to do with that. There's something so beautifully harrowing and horrifying about the obviously inevitable fallout from Will going through with his planned betrayal and then not being able to actually do it. Hannibal making a family for them and then taking it away. Abigail murdered by a father, again. Alana betrayed, Jack betrayed, all of them relevant victims that in their own right that command BOTH Will and Hannibal's love and respect, but in other ways utterly meaningless because of how blind & careless Will, and Hannibal in particular, can be towards people that are not Will and Hannibal. "Falling in love with a god is not a death sentence. The story is only a tragedy if the god loves you back."

the west wing season 2 finale

The tragedy, the elation, the fucking putting of hands into pockets. YOU GET HOYNES. The Brothers In Arms needle drop to stand supreme to all other needle drops.

(also i apparently have a thing for s2 finales whatdoyoudo. I guess it makes sense to some degree, because shows need to take time to become themselves and then afterwards often they go into directions you don't like. season 2, obviously for me, statistically, is when the show has found itself - whatever the show is, it is that the most in season 2, seems to be my judgment.)

[zerolympiustrife]

The Bad News (continued from my recent post)

Ever since I came to Houston since 2021 to attend an area that could help me improve my skills on what I love doing and ESPECIALLY what I want to work for in a job, I’ve been sending applications and my resume to companies online like CRAZY starting in January 2023. What are those jobs I wanna work for because I can see myself as a good addition AND hard worker to said companies?

Voice acting, Storyboard artist, Graphic designing, Character designing, and Weapon designing for ANYTHING in fiction, such as a video game or a cartoon. I’ve actually been doing this for quite a long while (in silence, mind you) and I would love nothing more than to work as any of those following jobs not only because of my love for my favorite fiction (MMZ, FFVII, GS, DBFZ, SSBU being my biggest video game honors), but also to get paid good money for said jobs.

If you’re good at something, never do it for free, as one would say.

I recently have had some rather crappy jobs in the past that had NOTHING to do with what I wanna work for in my career, considering the fact that I’ve been losing money more than I’ve been gaining money at such horrible jobs. What am I referring to? Delivery driving, especially since I’ve once worked as both an Uber and a Lyft driver. Never working at those shit jobs again, fuck that shit!

Unfortunately, ever since I’ve been sending my resume and applications to companies that I’m willing to work for more than ONE HUNDRED TIMES (yes, you read right and no, I’m not exaggerating when I say this; I got turned down after more than one hundred attempts, I’ve actually been keeping track!), it seriously started to take a toll on my sanity and motivation that no one wants to hire me to the point where I’ve felt demotivated to send more applications. I’ve recently started doing this again, but there’s a reason for that.

Ever since I came here to San Antonio on Monday (August 26, 2024), my dad, who’s been helping keeping me financially stable since I moved to Houston, has recently decided to come out a rather unsympathetic asshole, completely souring and depressing my mood whenever he gets the opportunity, and had recently just done this immediately after I had returned from such a fun, awesome, and (to me!) an important experience. It’s almost as if this was life’s method of “rewarding” me by saying something shitty along one’s lines of:

“What’s that, ZOS? Did you have such an awesome time at your favorite event that only occurs ONCE a year? Congratulations! Permit me to reward you by having your now-asshole dad giving you a five hour lecture over how much you fucking suck as a human being all because you still haven’t found a job you’d love to work for AND as, after having your applications and resume refused for more than one hundred times! Trololololol!”

For further elaboration: He actually never believed me when I told him that I’ve been doing this fucking “send my application, then get turned down later” bullshit since 2023 and accused me of being, in his words, “just fucking lazy”. What a real fucking bastard. And unfortunately, I had also found out that my older sister and younger brother were right all along when they told me back in January that our parents were “those kinds of parents”. Specifically speaking: Both my father and mother were the kinds of parents who set their expectations for their kids too unrealistically high. I never believed in my siblings when they told me this information at first, but looking back at a pep talk we had back in January, I couldn’t have been any more stupider and naive NOT to believe in them. My fault.

My dad then ended his lectures (or dare I say: rants) by telling me how he’s going to take control of my life and how my daily schedule should go, such as restocking on important essentials (i.e., paper towels, toilet paper, hand soap, bathtub supplies, immunity pills, energy pills, positive mood pills) “only when I really need it” (I always need those essentials! I can’t live my life as if I was an animal!), going outside more often to greet my apartment neighbors (uh, WTF???), and that I should only go shopping at the WORST times possible: During the afternoon, 5 PM specifically, stuck in traffic, surrounded by impatient customers, potentially loud brats, and self-entitled drivers who REFUSE to give you an inch even once, made worse that this honestly wouldn’t give me enough time to drive back home, shower, and go to bed as early as 10 PM (I love my beauty rest after a long day, thank you!).

He insists that I should, apparently, “suffer like everyone else” because I apparently haven’t! This is when I’ve decided: Fuck that, I’ve had - and suffered - fucking enough already. Speaking of my time in Houston, hurricane Beryl was QUITE unforgiving to the area I was living in because I’ve had no electricity or water for two days. For further salt added to an already open wound, he forced me to sign a “contract” that I should apparently abide by that essentially screamed to me “I’m going to surveil your every action like I’m a helicopter parent and you’re going to have no peace or privacy whatsoever”.

FUCK.

THAT.

SHIT.

I will not have my current situation - and future - controlled by someone who has officially decided to come out a manipulative and controlling bastard. I will continue doing what I came to Houston for and I will find myself the work I seriously am yearning to for and as. I’m also going to find a way on how to work against that shitty “contract” because I’m already pissed off enough from someone who’s been a jerk to me for a full fucking week because of him being “that kind of parent”.

I’M in control of my life, damnit! Wish me luck in searching for work that I’d actually love to work as!

The Good News and Bad News of my current, ongoing life as we speak (the latter of which will be continued!)

For those who’ve read my previous on why I’ve bid a tragic farewell to hands-down my FAVORITE anime/video game convention (AND convention center!) to have ever existed (San Japan FTW, always and forever!)…there’s a reason for that.

Good news: I had a fun experience here, as always! Bought myself merch, awesome keychains, cute plushies, played video games (old and new!), took photos of awesome cosplayers, the usual of what I’ve always loved coming to SJ. However…

Bad news: It’s likely possible (dare I say, the likeliness is automatically at 100%) that this is going to be my final year at such an awesome convention.

I repeat: It’s likely possible (again: likeliness: 100%!) that this will be my final year attending at San Japan, let alone visiting San Antonio for such a fun event that’s always been important to me ever since I found out this place existed in the city I’ve lived in since childhood. And if this DOES happen to be my final year, then…oh well. At least my final experience here went out with a bang, and never in silence.

But why is this going to be my final year attending to my favorite convention? Well…to be continued…next post!

[olderthannetfic]

RE: The ongoing incest convo. I repeatedly got sexually and physically abused by an adult sibling when I was a minor. I lost a lot of family over this. I am generally regarded as a dramatic liar since everyone refuses to believe that it happened. I’m not going to harp too much on the personal angst or use this to deflect criticism of my opinions, but I think it’s relevant to introduce myself this way so that people get where I’m coming from. 

Franzeska, you made a post where you pointed out that the main issue with incest are the cases in which abusive situations are involved. Penrosesun added to this and referred to court cases they observed while working in criminal defense to support that point. I was happy to see this brought up and wish it was something that had more of an emphasis in peoples’ minds when they’re having pissing contests about the morality of incest on my dash. Who cares what consenting adults are doing? The gross factor is a red herring. The real problem is the ABUSE! 

I have a gut feeling that the frequent inability for people to have their priorities straight in these discussions is more complicated than just the cultural icky factor. I say this because the mental gymnastics that go on in these situations to maintain a state of denial are insane. Imagine getting molested in front of your parents, and then having every person in your vicinity telepathically decide to deny this and gaslight you about it, and then proceed to do so with zero self awareness of what they are doing. It sounds like some kind of surreal fiction but this is what it’s like. And that is the norm when stuff like this happens! It doesn’t matter how “good” a family is. 

This is going to sound pouty and cynical, but I think most people who haven’t experienced this type of assault don’t realize how likely it is that their own families would turn on them if this ever happened to them, too. When people don’t understand this, it’s often because they’ve had the luxury of going through life with the false security that love is unconditional; that families are unbreakable, and they will never be forced to re-examine that. I think this is partly why denial is the default response to these situations: it’s a defense mechanism that people use to protect themselves from any reality that challenges the sense of security they have with their own families. To acknowledge that sexual violence has occured within a “normal” family is to acknowledge that it can happen within your own. Or that it has happened within your own family, and now you have to face the difficult task of addressing it. That’s what I think, anyway. 

This insecurity is also what largely drives the “anti” side of these “morality-of-incest-in-fiction” debates. Those sentiments of “Gross!” and “How dare you talk about that!” is very much the same rhetoric that enables victim blaming in the first place. This doesn’t just apply to the incest argument, either. Over and over again, in so many different contexts, I keep seeing self-proclaimed moral activists attempting to silence the voices of others in the name of decency— except it’s hardly ever about decency so much as it is about protecting themselves from things that contradict their personalized version reality that they are projecting onto the world. 

I am not immune to perptuating this issue either. A lot incest/CSA content is triggering for me. I’d be lying if I said that I don’t feel the urge to attack and shame people when I run into this content in the wild. I feel that urge even when I don’t click on the thing, because I am sensitive. My emotional reaction is to interpret other peoples’ fantasies as genuine desire, even if my mind knows that this isn’t necessarily true. I don’t think there’s a way to fix this habit for good. I think the world-as-it-is is just a difficult thing to accept, and the way we react to things that make us uncomfortable is just something that we’ll always have to check ourselves on. Squicks in fiction aside, what really scares me is the fact that there are so many belief systems in power that covertly discourage people from engaging in this kind of self-reflection at all. 

On a somewhat related note, Moto Hagio’s “A Cruel God Reigns” played a big role in making me come around with tolerating incest content, because it addressed the denial issue so well. I didn’t even mind that Hagio eroticized some of the assaults. I enjoyed it, even, and that was kind of a relief. 

Anyway, I can't speak for everyone in similar shoes but that’s my two cents. I get the impression that the people who hang around this blog are older and more experienced in thinking through these topics. Hopefully I am not repeating ideas that only feel new to me but have occurred to most other people long ago. Lol.  

--

Yeah, sadly, that kind of reaction is horrifyingly common. They just couldn't face what happened to you... so they went and made it worse with gaslighting.

I think you're right about a lot of anti mindsets. It's an attempt at protecting themselves... except it's an entirely false sense of security. Some of it is a trauma response too, but one they're not very self aware about or attempting to rein in at all.

I've only read a little bit of A Cruel God Reigns, but it struck me as a very cathartic piece of media. Moto Hagio's work always has a lot of depth.

[lepidopteragirl]

tbh, as much as i love hating and being a hater, i think /r tntduo in the nevadas era is rly interesting and if i wasn't a toxic karlnapityolo i think their dynamic would rot my brain So Much. however i do unironically strongly dislike ''right person wrong time'' soft pogtopia era ctnt so fucking much. obvs niki's birthday party happened lol, clearly they have a smth.. going on if you want to read it like that, and while i think it could be fun to look at that like that, i personally don't rly think that kind of hurt/comfort, sitting on the roof heart to heart kind of thing really works with them mostly bc, for lack of a better word, i don't think cwilbur really respects cquackity as an equal rly in s1/manburg era. he calls quackity schlatt's bitch for fuck's sake. (and perhaps this is a little bit fair given how swag2020's victory got started off, but i also am a toxic quolo and i feel like reading the whole story cq pays farrrr more he's got narrative consequences than his narrative crimes and it makes it hard for me to get upset w him also he's my special little boy i don't even care, okay?)

cwilbur has that bossy older sibling thing (/aff) going on where he very much sees his position towards a lot ppl during s1 as a leader, older sort of for lack of a better word authoritative figure who knows better than most everyone. (obvs cwilbur mental illness plays into this but it is also kinda not good lol) and im sort of scared to touch this bc i fear it will erupt into the most horrid rancid discourse to grace this fine earth, but the fact that cquackity is a few years (five i think actually lol) younger than cwilbur absolutely plays into this too. im not gonna sit here and go oh no fictional age gap bad bc i gen do not care about how it makes their relationship "toxic" or not lol. (also rpverse tnt my beloved are the only version of ctnt that wont be just a little but toxic imo tbh, the toxic-ness is where the fun comes in lmao.) however, it very much affects how the two of them interact in s1. it doesn't necessarily make their dynamic Bad or #Problematic or one of them using the other etc i don't think, but i do think it's why pogtopia era tnt content that starts w ''these two make out/fuck sometimes but they're both sad and somehow let down walls to take care of each other'' doesn't really work like it does in the las nevadas era. (which even as the worlds most toxic karlnapityolo i v much enjoy if ppl do it right) part of the issue i think is that some ppl transplant their s3 dynamic back into s1 and treat it like its the same, and i don't really think it works.

to me, its that huge change in the dynamic between s1 and s3 that makes nevadas era tntduo so intriguing. its part of what makes the " i don't think about you" line so hot sexy etc imo, the shift from cquackity being so Young in so many ways and then coming back face to face with cwilbur and being able to stand toe to toe with him now. (i am am not immune to girlboss cq.) its cquackity reinventing himself, he's not the little boy who wasn't worth cwilbur considering as a real candidate, one who would never be worth enough to be a real leader of lmanburg. he's not schlatt's bitch anymore, hes no one's bitch. he's not the naive ditz that stood on a hillside at sunset with cwilbur and was told he was too weak, too scared, too soft to do what's needed to get power. but he's better, he's better than that too, there are no walls around las nevadas, and he'll even offer wilbur a job as his vice when he wasn't even let in the gates of wilbur's nation. hes winning and by god will he make sure wilbur knows it. love her shes soooo crazy omg

(is it perhaps not that healthy mental state no it is not but he is like elle woods but withso many more problems he is moving to a brand new city and teaching himself how to die and so long to the person you begged him to be he's down he's dead etc i love characters sooo much)

also if i have to pick up one more rly good s1 cquack character study that suddenly springs ''then wilbur and quackity fucked in pogtopia'' im going to become the joker slash serious

[vigilskeep]

since it seems like you're playing a non mage hawke so bethany is the one who lived i'm curious your thoughts on carver? i love ur takes on characters and since i am a haver of baby brothers he's like. character of all time

i do not know the boy very well! i have never played mage hawke so i only know him briefly in game, and i’ve watched a few clips here and there and seen a lot of fan content, enough to make me sad to lose him :( he seems like a good lad if a bit thick-headed (i say this affectionately) and fictional sibling conflict where the love is obviously there is my delight, so i look forward very much to doing some of the potential mage playthroughs i am stirring away at in my cauldron of ideas. his arc if he becomes a grey warden seems really fun (i want him to work under my HOF’s command so bad, the dynamic would be hysterical) but i am also not immune to the drama of the other route

i do have to admit i am partial to non mage hawke and also to bethany who is one of my favourite dragon age characters of all time. but i do like carver and i’ll be excited to hang out with him more another time :D

[short-and-ugly]

sorry for the submas mass reblogs but friends.... I am not immune to fictional Twins/Siblings

[just-an-aussie-fandom-hermit]

Ok but like, I feel the Bruce Wayne/Hal Jordan dynamic works so well (shippy or platonically) but DC are just cowards and don’t develop same-sex friendships because they could be construed as romantic... But that’s another post.

They’re as stubborn as the other and equally motovated by their own goals which makes them butt heads a lot, but that also means they can understand each other better and know a bit about what goes on inside each others’ heads.

And by stubborn I mean in a, “why should I let persons A and B help me with activity X when I can do it on my own and they don’t need to concern themselves with it.” To me this doesn’t read as “I’m a Big Strong Man Who Doesn’t Need Help” it actually reads quite the opposite, as “I Am Vulnerable But I Do Not Want These People Doing What I Am Because It Is Dangerous And I Can Probably Do It Better.” Because, Toxic Masculinity can take a flying leap, but I imagine those in the League aren’t entirely immune to societal conventions, especially the ones they’ve grown up with. So while they will beat Toxic Masculinity and mysogyny with a flaming broom at any given moment, many of them struggle with internalised issues. They struggle to admit they need help, that they can’t do things on their own, that they are vulnerable and struggle to come to terms with that.

And because of this, the two can say really hurtful things. There is truth to them, but, like a sibling or spousal argument, their intention is to make their point as well as degrade the other side. They’re more venemous than anything they’d say to almost anyone else but their intention is to hurt; however they almost always regret these things immediately but are often unable to apologise or have another conversation after so they stew on these things and internalise them and make more problems. So, things like this get said to one another:

“You and your damn superiority complex!... I get you have control issues but this is just ridiculous... How many more people need to die before you learn to ask for help?...”

“Can you take anything seriously?... Are you really so desperate for an anchor in this world that you’ll do stupid things like this to form a connection? Or are you trying to burn bridges to avoid them altogether?...”

However they’re able to reconcile and have a civil discussion because they care about each other and because they want to work better together for the good of the League.

And yes, they piss each other off greatly but there is always that level of respect there (as there is for the rest of the JL, but I feel like people exacerbate their “rivalry”/friction when they do trust each other and can and have worked together well). They get on each other’s nerves because they’re similar, and they do similar stupid (sometimes self-sacrificial) crap, and because they know how to push each other’s buttons to either get them to back off of get on board. But, as with any Leaguer, especially a Founder, they’ll zip right over at the drop of a hat.

I mean, at one point in time they both interact with Yellow Lantern Rings, (see: Hal Jordan in Injustice, among others. Parallax. Also, that one scene in a comic I can’t remember the name of, where a Yellow Ring tries to take Bruce as its wearer, but because he’d previously worn a Green Lantern Ring, via Hal, it deems him incompatible and leaves).

I imagine that being ruled by their fears, learning how to co-exist with them, as well as ruling by fear are points of great contention but also of great understanding between them. How to live one’s life being aware of one’s fears and the fear they potentially inspire in others and how to balance and process that in a healthy way.

It comes up in most of their comic team-ups (there haven’t been many in animated series, save for The Batman, and I think Batman Brave and the Bold?) and that Bruce admires Hal for being able to process his trauma and move forward, never forgetting it but not being consumed by it, which is something Bruce knows he struggles with (take notes, DC, a good Batman is at least somewhat self-aware!) and hopes to be able to emulate.

That dynamic, that, “I recognise there are things about you that are not great and I do not appreciate, however you can change and remove those aspects of yourself. There are aspects of you I wish to emulate and inspire me to be a better human being and do right by others. Your presence inspires me. Your attitude and intentions are something I wish more people had. I respect you,” is something I love, fictional or otherwise (can you tell?)

I had a point to this but it got away from me so yeah.

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 5/4/21

yeah yeah yeah may the fourth be with you whatever this is mostly me rambling disjointedly about the bits and pieces of star wars i crammed into my weekend

i think the star war that is the best-made and most watchable on a technical level (including script) is ESB. however, AOTC is my fuckin favorite bc there’s so much fucking nonsense happening all the the goddamn time. incoherent movie with too many sidequests but it all looks sick as shit

my personal history with star wars is: watched it (like many other movies) juuuuust a little too young with my dad as a Bonding Activity (to the silent fury of my mom) but unfortunately got Really Into It. reading expanded universe novels (nearly all of them, i have almost two hundred of them in boxes in a storage unit) was the thing that kept me alive through high school. never really got into the comics, didn’t pick up any of the post-disney-nuking-the-expanded-universe novels. was horribly disappointed by the sequel trilogy and solo. rogue one is all right. however, the mandalorian (weird and cheesy as it is, also i am not immune to pedro pascal) really got me back into this stupid fucking franchise. so i have been taking a rambling walk through things that i remembered liking. all my fun star wars facts are old and outdated but they sure all do live in my brain

listening ‘General Grievous’ off the ROTS soundtrack. this is i think the beginning of my love for heavy low rumbling undercurrents? would not say this has a ‘groove’ per se but there is definitely a forward momentum. love some ominous brass. love the williams panic-spike strings. LOVE A DANGER WARNING LEITMOTIF

god u listen to the original + prequel soundtracks and then listen to the sequel soundtracks (as i have been doing during working hours for the past week) and i get really sad. should have let him retire in peace. he doesn’t have a ton of gas left.

anyway this is the bit of the movie where obi-wan shows up on utapu (the cool sinkhole planet) with the big lizard bird to fight grievious btw. good fight. why does he flirt with the big robot man when he’s already in a enemies-to-lovers flirtationship with asaaj ventress RIGHT AFTER the duchess of mandalore died in his arms??? who can say. grief makes people do weird things.

reading rebel heist (2014, kindt & castiello). these are some of the few loose single-issue comics i own bc i love the covers so much. i hate dealing with bagged and boarded comics bc they’re a pain to store and they’re honestly a pain to read. gimme a trade paperback any day please. rereading these, i liked them less than i remembered- it’s a cool conceit of following an ordinary person in the rebellion as they get caught up in luke & leia & han & chewie’s schemes, and things of course do eventually turn out fine but not before all these regular people go UHHHH WHAT THE FUCK? WTF WTF WTF NOT WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR at some classic skywalker nonsense. can i just say how much i love these covers again tho

watching star wars: the clone wars ran from 2008 to 2020. i watched the first six seasons with my siblings on starwars.com for most of its run, bc there was a brief period of time (i forget whether it was two days after or ten days after) when you could watch each episode for free and we didn’t have cable until well after i went to college.

the second season is where it really starts to hit its stride- i haven’t gone back to watch anything as an adult but i remember liking a lot of the episodes from this season. as an adult, it’s pretty horrifying to realize how fucking stupid the clone wars were from a loss of life and material gain standpoint.

there’s a two-episode arc about the zillo beast, a big kaiju critter, and i only had enough time to watch the first one. the have to protect the oil planet (sorry, i’m getting a note in) so sorry the FUEL RESERVES on the oil planet, so they drop a giant EMP two miles from the city center, but this isn’t a planet with people that look like humans so it’s fine! the important thing is that the fuel is okay.

anyway, this episode is lovely and moody- this is such a stiff-looking show and wreathing everything in cool purple mist and making sure the silhouettes look good is really doing a lot of the work here

look i just really like this framing. the jedi on a stage above everyone else, waist-deep in blood already from the months-old war, the hint of an imperial symbol in the cannon dish, anakin & mace separated by an interior wall and separate hatches. i’m reading too much into season fucking two of the clone wars but i just think it’s neat.

yes!!! starship fuel SHOULD be bright radioactive green!!! star wars is mostly about things looking sick as shit and it’s part of why i am the way i am now

ok i fucked up on this last screenshot but look. LOOK. this is some peak nonsense right here love it. mwah. star wars is at its heart a melodramatic pulpy swashbuckling science fiction adventure and it gets weird when it forgets that

playing i own fallen order bc it came for free with my pc but i have not cracked it open bc it seems like an assassains creed, a style of game that fucking infuriates me. also i own no other star wars games so this section left intentionally blank

making i make one of these things a year now i guess. this one is finally for me.

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

from an anon, about parents and school

(it's just long, that's why it's under a break XD)

here's my proposition: make parents understand that not every child should conform to whatever traditional career paths that exist. as an asian, i could feel the pressure to take science like a fucking boulder on my body. i have to rant a bit.

i am the younger sibling, my brother is two years elder to me. i was never instilled any curiosity in anything science related, i was kinda left all by myself lol. my brother tho, maybe because he was older or because he was a guy (yeah LMFAO), was encouraged AND involved in a LOT of coding, mechanix (its a construct-ur-own-stuff thing).

i guess i never really noticed until i was leaving middle school, that i was not as smart as him, and would probably never be. but i had other strengths he didnt have. i love writing, im pretty good at it. i am analytical and subejctive, i like thinking and making conclusions about things. i mean i guess i've figured out what i could be better at, right? but the problem?

its that my parents dont see it. its as if they dont know me or they DO know me and are just forcing the things they need onto me. it feels selfish of them to completely forgo my actual strengths. like YES OK i UNDERSTAND i can never be as smart as my brother, but u dont have to pretend like i can. because pretending that i can achieve whatever he has, is just going to affect YOU. because i have accepted long ago that some things arent for me.

they think i dont want to put effort into anything i do. that im lazy and want the easy way out. god, every time they say this i want to honestly show them that its the things IM interested in, where i put in the work. its so belittling.

ive written articles abt bts, their music, about how carl jungs theory of archetypes and i occasionally ask a lot of questions about the world to you (hi lol). i just dont get why they want me to waste energy on something im clearly uninterested in.

short answer, point to BTS and say, "They're Asian, they make tons of money. Leave me alone."

just kidding XD

If I'm being serious, I don't think they will change their mind. They will continue to force their ideals onto you, because they believe in certain career paths had assured success and that is what they are after. They either want you to make a certain amount of money, have a certain status in life, or simply know that you can obtain a stable job. To be honest, these are not really traditional career paths at all if you think about it. Becoming a doctor takes many, many years and it is hard ass work. Parents just make it seem as if these are the only jobs available to you, even if you know it's not true.

Men vs women in Asian countries, well, I feel everyone knows this, but many Asian parents born in their respective countries put more effort into their sons than daughters. Firstborn son? He probably walks on water to them XD

I understand what you mean when you say your parents do not understand. This might sound egotistical (it does now that I'm writing it, I am very sorry) but I was the one in my family who got the best grades. None of my siblings got better grades than me (basically I had a 4.0 from middle school to university), and do you think with all that I would be immune?

Nope.

I am good at the sciences and I am good at the humanities as well. I had an interest in reading, writing, and drawing. Reading fiction, I could pass it off to educate myself. Writing? I could pass it off as something for school. But drawing?

Woo, boy.

This was a constant fight. I do not back down (a rebel, wcyd) and I drew and it would get ripped apart. I drew and it would get torn up and thrown away. I drew and and would be beaten, yelled at, constantly belittled for my interest in it even though I was good at the sciences and math. To my mom (my dad doesn't count, he had zero interest in parenting) - if she did not think it was going to make money in the future, it was useless. If I could not spin it into profit, I should not be doing it (very fun childhood I had, yes). The most ironic thing is, after I became an adult, she suggested I start drawing again and sell it to make money.

Hello?

You literally forced me to stop drawing because you constantly connected it with negativity???

(not now, I have since stopped talking to her and started drawing again and it is purely for myself, not to show anyone else, I do not even post it on social media or show anyone irl)

Not saying your parents will act like mine, btw, only sharing my experience.

The idea that you'll never be as smart as your brother? That's bullshit lol. That's like saying intelligence is only valuable if it's science or math, which, as you know, is not true. You are you. He is himself. It is not you cannot do those things. It is that those things are not what you want to focus on. You have a limited amount of time in this life and you have chosen the things you want to delve into and explore.

You don't have to be good at everything. Everything is just not good enough for you.

I am of the mindset that you should try and learn everything you can about this world. I love learning, personally. I think knowing everything I know, from the humanities to the sciences, enriches my life and gives me a broader perspective.

But I totally understand how you feel, because being pushed into something makes you end up hating it. Parents push their kids to learn this or that and kids end up resenting schoolwork because it doesn't feel like something they wanna do anymore. It's just adults yapping in their ears and it feels pointless. Grades aren't everything. You think anyone cares that I aced Physics with Calculus I and II as an adult? LMAO, no one gives a shit. You passed, good enough XD

Here's how I think you should treat school. It's not the content that matters. It's you understanding how you learn each subject. Every subject is different and how you learn them is different. It is not because you are bad at the subject, it is because you haven't figured out the best learning style for you. Teachers have to teach a mass of students and, yes, I understand this seems very tedious to have to "teach yourself".

The skill in learning to learn becomes so, so valuable as an adult. It is how you maintain interest in things, how you develop new interests, and how will come to find meaning (in whatever you want to focus on finding meaning for). I'm not saying that you will be able to find your perfect learning style in every subject, but I am encouraging you to simply see it in that light.

And, you might find certain things to be not that important to you, in which case, just pass the class, it's totally fine if it's not going to help you for the career path you're going for XD Nobody asks me about the themes of William Shakespeare's "Romeo and Juliet" (tbh, a pair of overdramatic loons) or how I feel about Sigmund Freud (actually a twat, but that's neither here nor there).

Let them talk. That one that walks your path is you. Focus on what you want to focus on. They are set in their ways and they way to show them there are different paths is to walk them.

[pizzaboat]

After a particular bad storm, Luz and king decide to have a movie night..

It should be fun, but Luz just hopes the two adults joining them don't kill each other in the next 2 hours...

"No way, I'd rather clean Hooty than watch some goofy kids movie"

"But Edaaa!" The teen whined, "There's nothing else to watch, and the storm nocked out all the power!"

Sure the power was out. Courtesy of the terrible weather. The magical grid through out the building had been temporarily shut off for hooty's safety, and so most things in the house had stopped working. But that wasn't a good enough reason for Eda to sacrifice napping time.

Eda watched as the human brought the box containing some human *VHS tape* titled "The Lion king" up to display. 

"Come on Its a classic," Luz pleaded, " and you agreed, after some persuasion-"

- Manipulation." 

"-that you'd do something with me and King," Luz pointed, "And you said I could pick. I pick movie night."

"Hey, I say alot of things. Doesn't make 'em true." Eda said with a shrug, "And don't even try to give me any puppy dog eyes kid, I'm immune now."

Luz pouted, and Eda watched as an idea formed on the girls face. Never a good sign..

"Well," Luz said, "You think your tough, but it'd be a shame if anyone in town found out you secretly like hugs!"

"You wouldn't dare," Eda gasped, "They'd never believe you!"

"Oh really? Try me." Luz challenged.

Damn it. Blackmail. She really was her kid. Eda knew teaching her would come back to bite her in the ass.

"Fine," She sighed, "But if anyone starts singing, I'm out."

"That might be a problem.. since it's a musical,"

Titan damn it.

***

And that's how thirty minutes later everyone was gathered in the living room as Luz stuffed human candies into some contraption and King dragged an assortment of snacks to the sofa, throwing them on the coffee table.

Even Lilith had been dragged out of her cave for the night.

"I didn't know you were interested in this stuff," King said to her sister as she settled in the furthest side of the couch, away from everyone else.

"Of course I'm not," She told him, "This is the only room in the house with sufficient enough lighting to read my book."

"If you say so," He muttered.

Eda plopped down onto the couch, opposite to her;

"Yeah, Lily's a nerd," She yawned, pulling a blanket over her self and settling in, "She doesn't do fun. So don't expect her to thrive in social situations."

"I'm not a nerd!" The other woman glared, " I'm trying to research a cure. For our curses."

"Save it," Eda snorted, "I'm fine the way I am, no thanks to you."

"I split the curse, what more do you want?"

"for you to take some damn accountability." 

"How can I do that if you don't let me!?"

"I don't care, figure it out!"

"OK!" Luz cut in with fake enthusiasm, "The movies starting! Who's excited!?"

Eda snapped her gaze to the teen. The two adults had missed the worried looks both Luz and King had been giving them as things had escalated.

Eda felt a wave of guilt, as Luz wormed her way into her side, deviding the two sisters in the hopes of preventing some all out fist fight, she guessed. Eda wrapped an arm around the girl hugging her back as the movie started and music played.

"Hey king, pass some snacks up," Luz whispered.

 

"Get your own, peasant," He whispered back.

***

Lilith had tried her best to focuse on words of the book infront of her in the flickering candle light, but her gaze always wandered back to the small box set on the coffee table infront of them.

The demon had been scolded multiple times by the other two, as he always managed to sit himself directly infront of the screen every five minutes, completely engrossed in its contents.

Lilith didn't do musicals. She hated them. Always had.

Edalyns loud complaints and groans of annoyance when the characters had broke into song, were more obnoxious than the movie its self.

That was new.. wasn't Edalyn big into musicals back when they both were in school?

The human had sung along to every word, boasting that she knew the lyrics to all the "Disney songs," What ever the hell a Disney was, Lilith didn't know. And she didn't want to find out.

Lilith had also noticed the wary glances the human sent her every now and then, as if she thought Lilith would pounce on them all. Lilith couldn't blame them for that one, so she did her best to keep her gaze anywhere else but the rest of the room, and focused back in on her book.

***

King could sympathise with the young creatures desire to become king and rule over all those bellow him. The young lion was the most relatable main character he'd ever seen. Much better than those characters from Luz's books. 

Someone hungry for status much like himself. Though King was already a king. Feared by all.

He clapped when Simba scratched the hyenas face. These animals names were weird he decided though. Lions. Hyenas. Elephants. The movie had even featured those freaks, the giraffes.

He understood the feeling of helplessness when both Simba and his companions had been trapped In the elephants grave yard, only to be saved by Simba's father Mufasa.

He gasped when he discovered Scar's plan to usurp his brother. Maybe Luz had chosen a good movie after all...

***

The human whiped tears from her eyes, then continued to blubber. King wailed clutching his stuffed animal. Even Edalyn seemed somewhat moved, though she didn't show it much.

The father had died apparently. Betrayed by his brother. Lured into a trap by his trusted sibling. His son used against him as bait.

OK maybe that one hit close to home. Hadn't she lured her sister to a witches duel using their apprentice against them? Seeing the broken form of the betrayed, forced images of what could have happened into Lilith's mind, and she suppressed a shudder.

Edalyn petrified. Luz skewered.

It hit her just how close she had come to getting both her sister and her sister's apprentice killed.

Damn it. She'd lost her page.

***

These guys had the right idea, "Hakuna matata", no worries. If society decides your not worth it, why not atleast relax and try to have a good time with your friends. Screw it. Y'know?

Maybe that's what she would've thought even a month ago. But she wasn't so sure that was such a great message to send kids. Abandon responsibly. She knew predictably that the movie would correct this. She was proved right of course.

***

Luz's excitement bubbled towards the end. She'd seen the movie a thousand times when she was younger. But big confrontations were always exhilarating to watch.

Though less fun when your the one confronting things in real life, that's where the beauty of fiction comes in; She was in the mood to enjoy some nice old fashioned living through fictional characters. No danger. Just movies and her family. And Lilith. She wasn't sure why Lilith was In the owl house. Not because of the storm. Just in general.

Luz would have figured Lilith would have found somewhere to stay by now. But it might be difficult for her, what with the Emperors Coven declaring her a wanted criminal, while the rest of them had been pardoned. A selfish part of Luz wished she'd just leave anyway. Her skin always crawled when the woman was around. 

Luz felt bad about this. But it didn't stop her from occasionally thinking it.

She caught a glimpse of the woman In question, when Scar had been left to be killed by the hyenas. Lilith look paler than what seemed possible with her already ivory complexion. Her gaze fixed on the old mini TV. Was she rooting for Scar or something?

Luz wouldn't be surprised.

***

The villian had recieved what he deserved. To be vanquished by his enimies. 

Lilith felt sick thinking of the similarities between her and the character.

Jealousy. Ambition. Cunning. The will to do what ever it takes. 

She knew they were different. But she couldn't help but wonder what could've happend if she were more like this "Scar" character. 

Titan. She thought this was just a kid's movie.

***

The movie finished. Eda had fallen asleep towards the end only to be gently shaken awake by Luz after. The movie hadn't been bad. She'd even enjoyed it, Eda wouldn't admit that to anyone though. Not in a million years.

Luz said goodnight with a tight, crushing hug, then carried King to bed. The little guy must have conked out at some point into the film. 

Movie night accomplished and no one had even died. A win if ever there was one.

They would clean up in the morning but for now sleep, she made her way to leave as well but was stopped by her sister.

"Edalyn, I think we should talk.."

[i-am-just-a-kiddo]

favourite male fictional characters

Thank you @vishcount​ for tagging me, this was a lot of fun! 💞 I originally planned to follow your example and put ten characters here but suddenly it became a lot more oops. also i hope you forgive me for following your format, it’s neat 

I am tagging @isabellaofparma​ , @the-cloud-whisperer​ and @sassyassassy​!

I chose the characters that impacted me deeply on a personal level throughout my life (often shown by how long my love lasts over the years and if i was inspired to write for them). 

In no specific order under the cut: 

Legolas

The Lord of The Rings, J.R.R. Tolkien. 

I think it’s only fitting I start off with this magnificent guy. Maybe I gotta admit, i’ve just had a crush on him ever since I was like, nine years old? He’s the character I will fight tooth and claw for (though I guess he doesn’t need me to do that). I love Orlando Bloom’s portrayal of him, eventhough he is vastly different from the books. Book Legolas is such a delight as well, he feels so whimsical and playful and his banter with Gimli is just gold. I was sad when The Hobbit trilogy came out and I was so disappointed by how they butchered his character, it just did not feel authentic anymore (maybe I am also just bitter about the forced hetero storyline for him. makes no cents, this elf is GayTM your honour. and he will meet his soulmate Gimli in a few decades).  Either way, Legolas is the love of my life, thanks for coming to my tedtalk,

Peter Pan 

Peter Pan, J. M. Barrie

Another childhood crush of mine. The gif I chose if from the 2005 movie because we always used to watch it and it is to this day one of my favourite movies. It’s so dreamy, so magical, yet also incredibly sad and sweet.  I have this very strange fascination with Peter Pan. There is something incredibly unsettling about him, especially in the book. He represents something every child wants - who doesn’t want to escape their bedroom and fly away to experience magical adventured far from the adult world? And yet he also represents the impossibility of it, the curse he carries around with himself because he will forever stay alone, no matter how many lost boys he gathers around himself. And Wendy - it’s a love that was never meant to grow and mature, it’s a fleeting dream for the both of them.  I have seen many different adaptations of Peter Pan and I have my favourites, though I want to give a special mention to the book Peter Darling by Austin Chant. It’s a retelling of the story how we know it, in which Peter returns to Neverland after having finally grown up BUT the main points I want to highlight is trans Peter? Heck yes. Gripping and compelling gay love story with our favourite original lost boy Captain Hook? YES. 

Snufkin

Moomins, Tove Jansson.

I have discovered Snufkin for myself only last year, and yet I know he will stay with me forever. In short - I vibe with him, he vibes with me. His anxieties about being with people and longing for solitude? His fear of being loved and being important to someone to a point he doesn’t know what to do with himself? This man just wants to roam freely with his own mind and yet he always returns for something that captures him. Mum, I love him because I have rarely felt this seen before. Also, Snufkin said ACAB. 

Prince Jing - Xiao Jingyan

Nirvana in Fire (2015)

This too is a darling I have only discovered recently. I watched Nirvana in Fire this year and let me tell you, it’s the best show I have seen in a long while. It’s absolutely amazing and it also ripped my heart out. All the characters are absolutely amazing and I am still not over it.

To be honest, I contemplated between Xiao JIngyan and Mei Changsu, because character-wise I think the latter is a lot more interesting and compelling. He makes for a fantastic heartbreaking and flawed protagonist.

However I have to admit - it was love at first sight with Prince Jing for me and I’m still lowkey mad abt it rip. Seems like I am not immune to Pretty Prince Propaganda. But apart from that, I adore him for his genuine

goodness,

his almost naive drive to be better and seek justice. He lost everything, and for the longest time did not have anything to fight for. So alone and lost and bitter, it makes me sad how much it hardened him. He is heartbreak and clumsy kindness hidden under a skin of scars that was inflicted by his father and many others. I see his sad cat-eyes and I cry, that’s just how it is.

Edmund Pevensie

The Chronicles of Narnia, C. S. Lewis

I grew up with these books and movies - they have always been part of my life and it will probably always stay that way (only last night I rewatched the first movie and sobbed).  Imagine my surprised when I finally watched the last movie about five years ago and was incredibly impressed by how they adapted the book; also imagine my brain suddenly going CASMUND in bold letters at Skandar Keynes’ and Ben Barnes’  performance in that movie.  From there, I rediscovered this story completely anew for myself. My favourite Pevensie sibling has always been Lucy (and still is, because I identify with her so much and she feels like home to me); however this new discovery of Edmund’s character was overwhelming. It’s interesting to see characters you’ve grown up with from a more grown up point of view. I don’t want to lay out all my thoughts here, just know I am so heartbroken for him, and so so proud as well. His character arc is amazing and maybe that’s how the last movie makes me even more emotional. Seeing Edmund and Lucy still holding on to Narnia but knowing that that door was closing for them? Not to mention what happens in the later books (we don’t talk about that).  Also did I mention Casmund. Here, have my incredibly emo and depressing take on Edmund’s character that I started writing four years ago and which will forever stay a WIP. 

Nie Huaisang

The Untamed (2019)

My son. My soul. My bane of existence. The tragic thing about him is, that he does not really exist in canon as I have created him for myself. He’s a secondary character in the show, always so relatable yet still brings the ultimate twist of the story, yet he still remains this incomplete shadow. The movie

Fatal Journey

gave him a lot more and I cried tears of joy and devastation. I don’t know why I latched on to him so much, but apparently he is the one that I project on, the one that feels like he sits somewhere inside my chest. I don’t know what else to say - this year he has been everything to me. I spend a lot of time in his head while writing, and maybe that’s how he’s there forever now. Nie Huaisang saw my brain and went it’s free real estate. All my love for you, you dramatic art hoe.

Sherlock Holmes

Sherlock Holmes, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Ah, another lifelong companion. There are many adapations that I adore - starting from the origin of it all, the books and stories which I have all devoured; the 80s adaptation with Jeremy Brett which was incredibly wonderful; to BBC Sherlock which shaped and traumatised me (I still like the first three seaons but I am too hurt to think about it); to the numerous movies -  but by far my most favourite performance is Basil Rathbone as Sherlock Holmes. Somehow he manages to capture the Holmes I see in my head when I read the books, the sharp yet polite eccentric detective, who loves his companion so much and who has desire to help others.  Sherlock Holmes will always stay special to me, in so many different ways. He shaped my youth and I know he will stay with me. (also what would you say when I told you he helped me discover that I can, in fact, be queer AND ace at the same time? thanks pal).  What else is there to say? Sherlock Holmes is a universe that you can dive into and find many amazing treasures. 

Isak Valtersen 

SKAM (2015)

There he is, the boy that changed my life. SKAM changed my life. All of the characters did. However, Isak is special for many, as I imagine. I remember winter 2016, when tumblr was flooded by these norwegian white boys kissing in a pool and cuddling and I was like ‘nah’, this doesn’t look convincing.  I don’t know what changed my mind but I remember sitting down at last and watching all that was released of season three and it was only downhill from there. I remember starting to follow the real life updates religiously while watching the other previous seasons in between. The one clip that completely wrecked me was when Isak went to the school nurse about his struggles with sleep - it felt like for the first time I saw someone on screen that could understand me on so many different levels. The entierty of seaons three is so personal, I would tell you to go watch it if you don’t know what I mean. The entire show in fact. It’s a masterpiece and it feels so real. This show impacted my life in a way that no show has managed to do before. I miss it so much. I miss Isak too sigh. 

Shang Xirui

Winter Begonia (2020)

Technically, for me personally, Shang Xirui is the nonbinary, gay and ace representation I need in my life (or at least that’s my own personal take on him), but since that is not official, he’s still here on this list. Of course he is because wow, it’s been a long while since I’ve seen such a compelling character on screen. I went from disliking him to being absolutely heartbroken over him. I don’t think any other character in this show captured me as much as he did. There are so many layers to him and discovering all of his sides is a wonderful, heartbreaking, painful and also beautiful journey. I’m not sure I understand all of him yet, but I am willing to try and dig and just ponder his existence. This too, is a perfect example for a flawed yet authentic protagonist. Also he is the most beautiful thing on this planet, or at least that’s how I have been feeling ever since I watched this. I wish to write more of him in the future. 

Aang

Avatar: The Last Airbender (2005)

I grew up watching ATLA and my favourite characters have always been Toph, Zuko and Uncle Iroh. In recent years however, I completely fell in love with Aang all anew. 

I think especially in the past, I had these prejudices against main characters and found them all the most boring personalities ever. In recent years this changed a lot and especially Aang is a prime example for that. Watching him from the perspective of older me, I find so much wisdom in this young boy. Somehow he represents all I wish to be in my life but at the same time he shows his flaws, he carries this sadness with him that will accompany him all his life. This inner battle and chaos that he has to face day to day and in the end - he is just a young boy. So much has been taken from him and yet he learns how to not let it overtake him, that anger and hurt. He tries his hardest to be better than the day before, even if sometimes the world crashes down on him and he gets overwhelmed. He is a child recruited by adults to manage their mistakes and play into the hands of predestined fate and in this essay I will -

Harry Potter 

Harry Potter, J.K. Rowling

I am surprised myself. I thought I would put Fred and George here, or Remus and Sirius, however I realised that none of them quite capture this feeling of lifelong change, of personal, deep impact that Harry had on me. 

As with Aang above, I used to think Harry was the most boring protagonist, yet my opinion took a 180° turn in the past years. Many of the things I wrote for Aang apply to him too - the fact that he was a child, that lost so much, and was always faced with challenges that a child should never have needed to face. Something I want to address is how my favourite book, The Order of the Phoenix, lays all of this out. Harry is just as flawed, just as vulnerable and angry as anyone else. I know some people did not like his ‘emo behaviour’ in the fifth book but for me it just showed how human he is, how he was just a teen like myself at that time. As for many, this boy shaped my entire life, shaped a generation, and I will forever be grateful. I’m sad and angry at how J*R behaves, and how she puts us in the position of doubting our love for these stories. I know I will always love them, but I will not turn a blind eye on all the problematic shit is carries with itself and what the author piles upon us. 

Lan Wangji & Wei Wuxian 

The Untamed (2019)

I will try and keep this short, because if you want to read my thoughts about Wangxian just go to my ao3 and find the  over 70k i wrote for them.  I decided to put them here together because I can’t seperate them and I can’t choose between them. Each of them carries something I recognise in myself, and each of them is the opposite of me. They each own my heart and soul and I know there will never be a fictional couple like this for me ever again. They’ve snuck their way into my heart and have never left. They deserve to be here, together, because my love for them is indescribable. Bless them.  + Bonus:

The Doctor

Doctor Who (1963/2005)

Technically, the Doctor doesn’t count as a “male” character, but since he has been presenting as male up until recently, I needed to include him. I chose the Tenth Doctor because he is the one that broke my heart the most. I adored Nine but he was there too short, and I do love Eleven and Twelve a lot, and Thirteen absolutely owns my heart, Ten has just always been the one that made me cry the most. I loved this era of Doctor Who, I loved how sad and hopeful he was, how heartbroken and yet determined to help wherever it was needed. Doctor Who is always that show, when I return to it, I am reminded that maybe, humanity and the universe isn’t all that bad. 

phew, this took ages damn. but i had so much fun! i decided to leave out honorable mentiones because we would be sitting here until tomorrow lol. 

[pluviophile-bookworm]

AWAE 1x7 rewatch: thoughts and reactions

The time has come at last to rewatch the season 1 finale of Anne with an E. This one, as far as I can remember, was extraordinarily eventful, so we’re in for a long, bumpy ride. Let’s take off with no further rambling. 

I like the parallel between the two simultaneous conversations in the cold open - the girls on one side, and Anne and... Moody of all people on the other. Funnily enough, both conversations are about Anne, and yet they’re so substantially different. Anne tells Moody about Christmas (or the lack thereof, to be painfully precise) at the orphanage, and at the other table Josie is gossiping about the Cuthberts being poor now. Of course, Anne is not deaf, and is certainly not immune to hearing nasty things about her family, so she calls Josie out on it. 

“It’s only true, you’re poor.” Well, yes, but it’s not nice to state the truth in such a rude way. Josie is just being nasty. I know she gets at least a bit better at the very end of season 3, but this doesn’t excuse her behaviour right here and now. And fuelling Anne’s insecurity about whether the Cuthberts will keep her or not is just the cherry on top of her nasty sundae of gossiping and taunting. 

Being a choir kid myself, I really enjoy the beginning of this performance of Angels We Have Heard On High, and I chuckle to myself at the funny reality of Moody being the token boy in the choir of girls. This is more common than one might imagine.

The beautiful song can’t be enjoyed for too long, though, as Anne almost has a panic attack and runs off in the middle of the chorus, and Diana, good friend that she is, follows her out. 

I’m missing something here. What exactly happened to make the Cuthberts need a bank loan all of a sudden? I mean, the bank did show up at the end of last episode, but... what am I missing?

It’s heartwarming how Marilla is now more concerned about Anne’s future than anyone else’s. She’s a mother already. This is beautiful, even though it comes up amid a bad situation.

It is a rare occurrence that Matthew should raise his voice, and that makes it all the more effective at attracting the attention and making himself heard. But it’s kind of scary, too - you know, when the quiet person raises his voice, you know things are getting serious.

That was some ending to the cold open - believe me, with how bad the current reality is, I do not need Matthew collapsing to the ground. I mean, I know full well he will be fine, but it still makes my heart skip a couple beats.

There, Anne has raised the sensitive subject - and Marilla reassures her, just as Diana did earlier, that she’s a Cuthbert for life now. For richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health... ok, I’m turning into Anne here. This is not a marriage. But it’s a family, and they are going to get through this together.

This is one thing I like about Rachel Lynde - she can be a bit rude and insensitive at times, but she knows when it’s time to stop - for the most part, of course. But leave it to Marilla to let her pride turn away any offers of help, lest it should be perceived as charity. It’s ok to accept help, you know. 

“We can’t keep Jerry on”. See, this is the difference between Anne and Jerry, at the moment at least. She is a part of the family, someone to be provided for and looked after; he is still not. As much as I hate saying it, he is a farmhand who gets paid to do a certain job and when they can no longer pay him, they need to lay him off. But that will change, of course, I know it well. And soon enough.

Anne’s willingness to give her beautiful puff-sleeved dress says quite a lot considering how long she had dreamed of such a dress and the fact that it is the only valuable object she possesses. It almost just breaks my heart to see her and Marilla let go of so much. But that’s just me, I get attached to objects easily and it hurts me to see even people in fiction give away or break or lose their possessions in any way. That’s an issue for me to resolve, not to discuss here. 

Even though I know Marilla said they were going to lay Jerry off, the fact that he’s accompanying Anne to Charlottetown makes me think of something - this trip is exactly when their sibling-like bond was formed, and it’s extra special just for that reason. I have, of course, forgotten some (read: most) details, so it might be misinformed of me to assume, but I think after this journey Jerry would stay with the Cuthberts even if they can’t pay him anymore. 

When Jerry tells Anne that it’s ok to ask for help sometimes - just what I said about Marilla’s pride earlier - it dawns on me how similar Anne and Marilla actually are, even if it isn’t shown very explicitly. They both refuse to admit they need help, and in fact stubbornly refuse it. Like mother, like daughter, even though they’ve been a family only for a short time. 

If someone looked at Anne and Jerry right now, it wouldn’t be too far off to assume they are siblings - bickering, annoying each other partly-on-purpose... If anyone ever asks me to prove Jerry and Anne are honorary siblings, this trip to Charlottetown will be my supporting argument. This and the moment in season 3 where Jerry tells Anne about Diana.  

Jerry singing cheerfully while Anne is all like “This is an Important Journey™” makes me think this boy will teach Anne not to take herself so seriously all the time. Considering their relationship in later seasons, I can say that, at least the way I see it, he actually did teach her that by showing her an almost parallel- universe perspective of what her life could have been like. I mean, they’re perfect foils, those two - both kids with difficult childhoods who have had to grow up too fast and work from a young age, but so different in every other aspect: Anne is an only child and an orphan, Jerry comes from a large family that is still united and happy despite their poverty; Anne gets to receive an education and strive towards larger goals, Jerry is denied this opportunity because he needs to help support his family; Anne ends up with the Cuthberts by mistake, a girl instead of the boy they wanted, but gets to stay and be raised as the daughter they could never have had; Jerry could have easily been the boy the Cuthberts originally asked for (and judging by Matthew’s comments in the last episode of season 3, he goes on to become exactly that), hired to help with their farm work. I could go on and on, but this is not what we’re here for. Either way, I just wanted to say how very glad I am that Moira took this one-mention character from the book and made him into his own character, a foil for Anne and an important agent in the story. Anyone who has been following me for a while will know how important Jerry is for me - and I didn’t even remember his book counterpart existed at all. But now, let’s get on with the episode.

Anne selling her “if-these-were-ordinary” items is sure to be interesting... I remember it being so, but not the particulars, It’s been a while. Let’s hear.

Ah, sure, Anne uses her talent for storytelling to sell every single thing so well. She could be an excellent saleswoman. Also, is this the brooch that got Anne chased out of Green Gables on her first day? That’s an important one. 

I have to say all Cuthberts are lucky that Anne went on this trip alone with Jerry. Had Marilla been there, Anne would never have managed to pull all of this off.

“Everyone will be moved to generosity”, alright, but do you, Rachel, think Marilla will accept it? Charity, I mean. I don’t really think so.

What are these scoundrels doing to my precious Jerry? They almost just killed him for so little as they were able to take from him. Jerks. 

Ah, and who should appear out of nowhere but Gilbert Blythe... I remember this next part being interesting. 

I see Anne has realised she was insensitive about Gilbert’s father, and I see Gilbert is preparing to travel, just as his father wanted him to. This is nice. Meaningful. A more mature conversation than these two usually have. 

Wait, are those two... the same odious creatures who beat up my poor Jerry... they’re... Nate and- Dunlop, was it? Those two who live at Green Gables in season 2, with the gold rush and all that. I remember now. It had escaped me when I was watching season 2 for the first time that their debut was actually here, in the season 1 finale. See, this is what rewatches are for. Also, those two are dirty miscreants and I hate them. Just wanted to get that one out of my system.

T-R-U-C-E - an important word for Shirbert at this stage. But what is with the sudden mention of Moody out of nowhere? This is almost like that time in the third season when they were discussing the Take Notice board and Anne was like “Ruby...”, and I was like *facepalm*. Hey, Moody and Ruby... I see now. Or is there anything to see here?

Maybe I’m overthinking it. Let’s move on now.

You know, I’ve always wondered why exactly Jerry reacted the way he did here... but now, thinking it over once again, I know why - he has just been beaten up and robbed in a ditch, how do you reckon he’s going to react when he sees Anne, whom he was specifically sent here to accompany and take care of (not that she needs to be taken care of, but she sure could use some help sometimes), talking to a guy he doesn’t know? For all he knew, something terrible might have been about to happen to her. I’m just impressed he was ready to throw down after what those... ugh, my vocabulary is failing me - did to him just minutes ago.

Poor thing, he won’t stop apologising even though he’s badly hurt. And of course he wouldn’t like the city after what happened to him. Who would.

I usually do not condone moment-wreckers, but this here was an awkward silence at best, and all Jerry did was break it - and make me smile in the process. And that makes up for everything.

Ruffians - that’s a good word, pretty much the one I was looking for a minute ago, thanks, Miss Josephine. That’s what they are, the wretched rogues... hey, my vocabulary of elegant insults is back. I hope I won’t need it much, though.

No, Matthew, I won’t have you talking like that either. What would some money be to Anne and Marilla if you are gone? No consolation, that’s for sure. See, this is one of very few reasons I’ve kind of made my peace with the show’s cancellation - that Matthew survived the whole show’s run safe and sound. And Ruby as well. But still, #renewannewithane

Yes, very well said, thank you, Marilla. Anne would never chose something material over Matthew.

Oh, this one - another moment of Anne and Jerry looking positively like siblings. And it’s golden, too. Poor dear Jerry can’t sleep in a bed of his own because, well, he’s never had one, so he crawls into Anne’s. My own little brother has only ever done something of the kind once and I will never forget that night. It was uncomfortable at first, since we, unlike Jerry, aren’t used to sharing a bed, but it was definitely lovely overall. This is beautiful.

Ah, of course, I’d forgotten this one - of course Aunt Jo fixes everything and will not take no for an answer. She pays for Jerry to keep on working at Green Gables - even though, remembering what those two... uh, hoodlums are going to keep doing to him in season 2, I might have preferred that he be away from there for a while. But then, you know, Anne couldn’t have taught him to read, and that’s important - both for him as a person and for the plot of season 3. 

No, Matthew, what do you think you are doing? It was a bad idea - for my own sake - to watch this at night. As someone who has had suicidal thoughts for my own reasons, I know how Matthew feels, and I want him to stop feeling that way. But of course, I know things will work out. Eventually.

I see Anne has learnt a lesson about accepting help, accepting love. And she talks Marilla into it. This is good. 

Of course, once again Anne’s rough childhood has given her a means to dealing with a situation. She’s selling her services now. And she’s happy to do it. And she’s realised that although they’re poor in money right now, they’re rich in something much more valuable now. 

I’m not going to lie, Angels We Have Heard On High brought a tear or two to my eyes. Things are looking up.

Although, if they knew who the boarders really are, they wouldn’t have been so happy. Not at all. But that’s another story for another time.

Oh, they’re there already... things are about to... get interesting, to say the least. I can’t wait to get into season 2 soon.

To sum up this last episode of season 1: the Cuthberts are poor; Matthew is ill; Green Gables is at stake; Anne and Jerry take off for Charlottetown to do their part in trying to save it; the Cuthberts do not accept charity; valuable lessons about accepting help and love; Jerry takes a hit from two... boarders at Green Gables, is that what we call them now?; Anne and Gilbert spell T-R-U-C-E; Anne and Jerry become siblings; Aunt Jo saves the day; Matthew thinks about taking his own life, gets over it just in time; the Cuthberts are rich, though not in money; things are looking up, but thugs are in the house.