#i always wish i had accurate before pictures whenever i do a big change so here it is | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

yanderecandystore · 4 years ago

Note

Can we get some content for how the Android darling and Ms. Bright would meet?

In this [🍰🍑🤖] we get a glimpse of what their relationship is like and a lil mention of how things have worked out- But let's see how it played out from the a.is perspective.

Hi boo, I hope you're doing great, I'm very sorry for the long ass waiting- Sadly I may warn y'all that I have gone through many stages while writing this: h 0 r ny, corny, and angsty. This is actually pretty heavy, as I tried pulling some of the loose threads that I left all over Ingrid's posts (I still need to give her an bio ;-; I'm sorry y'all-)

So this is all over the place, since this is a fic I've been writing for a long time.

Also I know jackshit about robotics, and I think this fic shows how much I don't know anything XD

TW: Family issues related to: LGBTQ identity // very angsty // Ingrid is very rude, but she also struggles a lot during this- // socially distant // socially awkward // being misinterpreted/having a hard time socializing //

Tags: angy sad lady // ownership dynamic // this is basically the reader reminiscing about the past (continuing it from where Happy Lies left off) // the reader is low-key a simp at times- // master x servant dynamic, possessive behavior and a lot of yelling // just angsty really, I'm so sorry //

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

Happy birthday, mistress [Yandere!CEO OC x A.I!Reader - Short Fanfiction]

3,763 words

Whenever you remember your first day of activation, or more accurately your first day of actually being able to be activated for more than five seconds (you can't remember it fully, but you're aware that because of your complex design, you had passed through a lot of prototype phases before you could properly function-), you almost feel an odd sense of nostalgia, maybe due to the fact it was indeed the most important day of your existence as an android.

It was Ms.Bright's nineteenth birthday, when she would be handed the corporation that has been passed down by generations. And not only would she inherit the company, but also a beautifully designed a.i assistant made to help Ms.Bright's every need. You were made to be an easy communication center from Ms.Bright to the employees, as Ms.Bright's had a hard time communicating with people and expressing herself.

At first, she didn't seem to enjoy the idea very much- It was clear that she considered you to be quite annoying and useless. And- Well- It did hurt at first, after all, you were built to help her and be her friend no matter what.

So hearing her be mean towards you was… Very tough at first. Your first day as her assistant wasn't easy, you ended up getting in her way most of the time- And since she also didn't know exactly what she was doing, she got overwhelmed by so many things going down in one single day.

Ingrid has always dreamed of being in power of the company- Actually, now that you know her a little more- You can positively say she was probably just stressed at having to deal with so many responsibilities so suddenly, even if it has been her lifelong wish to inherit the company.

And even if it seems impossible at times, she would still come back strong and find a way to deal with it. That's something you really admire about her.

Your first week on the job was basically just trying to get accustomed and trying to learn everything you needed to do- While also trying to understand Ms.Bright as best as you could. Now… You weren't built to say this- And- And of course you don't think like this anymore, but…. You used to think she was really mean.

Frightening, even.

Now that you're all alone waiting for her to get back from work, you can't help but feel like replaying those moments inside your head.

"{... Replaying recorded conversation n°000050: "My second day at work"...}"

" Oh, what are you doing here?"

" Morning Ms.Bright! I-I was rechecking the files from yesterday and I was trying my best to reorganize them, a-after the incident-"

" The "incident" that you caused yesterday?"

" Well, yes, of course! I wanted to fix things up before you came back, I'm really sorry for being so reckless, I promise I won't do it again, I was just-"

"It 's fine. You don't need to worry about it."

" But… But I thought-"

" The files you had messed with weren't really all that important, and besides I'm sure there are copies all around the place. Sigh, who am I kidding- In reality, I should be the one apologizing for my behavior yesterday."

"...."

" I recognize that I shouldn't have treated you the way that I did, in a sense it's my fault you lost those files in the first place."

" … Well, it's nothing really mistress, I'm the one who should-"

" No, don't even finish it. You shouldn't have to apologize and shouldn't have spent the night wasting your battery on this-"

"...."

".... You know what, do whatever- I sometimes forget that you are… Nevermind, come back to my office as soon as you can."

"{... End of recorded conversation n°000.000.050… }"

You never knew what she was going to say, but you remember not being able to ask her that- As you were afraid of her potentially getting mad at you for asking too many questions. She always seemed so ruthless at times.

You remember the time you went to a family event with her, a family party, where an incident happened and she was absolutely livid. Your relationship with her wasn't so pretty at the time, you don't know why but- Your mistress didn't seem to trust you as much as you wish she did at the time.

"{... Replaying recorded conversation n°000.001.588: "First party ever- And it was very unpleasant" ...}"

" What's the matter with you?! Why can't you follow simple instructions- I told you to stay here and not mess around."

" I'm. So. Sorry. Mistress-"

" Even your vocal module is broken- Who told you to enter that pool in the first place?? You can't tell me you did something so stupid all on your own."

" I. Slipped.-"

" Am I a joke to you? I've said tell me who gave you the order to jump in the goddamn pool while everyone else was inside- Don't you dare start lying to me."

" … One of the. Party guests. Lost something. Inside the water. I tried helping them. But I started to. Malfunction."

" … Sigh, okay. Continue."

" It wasn't. Their fault. I did it. On my own. I was just- Trying. To help."

" By throwing yourself inside a pool when you're well aware of the damage the water can cause to your inner systems?!"

" I'm sorry!"

" You could have- No, you SHOULD have called someone else to help you, I can't believe it- You could have drowned in there and I wouldn't even be aware of that since I was inside the house, [Y/n]!"

" …. But Ms.Bright. I can't drown-"

" Yeah, yeah- I know you-... I know you can't drown."

" … Listen, you could have still gotten yourself hurt okay? You could have permanently damaged your systems, and if I wasn't made aware of what happened, I wouldn't have been able to take you out of the water in time, okay?"

"... Sigh, I just realized how much I have been yelling, everyone is probably scared now that I've made such a scandal. This… Isn't really a new thing to me, I'm accustomed to ruining parties like this. I'll have to apologise later to everyone. [Y/n], please just- When I ask you to stay still, please listen to me. I was worried about you."

"...."

"{... End of recorded conversation n°000.001.588 ...}"

You can't deny it- Whenever she was truly irritated she could make any person next to her feel threatened, though the more you look at your recordings, you feel like she doesn't really want to be feared like this. Respected? Absolutely. Feared? Not ideal, but she takes it anyway.

You have a couple of different recordings here and there, your memories are separated into sections. You have recordings of events in several formats: pictures, videos, texts and audio recordings. Though the one you use the most is audio recordings, since videos take a very big space inside your mind, and pictures need context, otherwise they wouldn't be considered memories, right?

You can't have many memories at a time because most of your mind is supposed to be used to store the company's files, so you do have a couple of memories that you have deleted to make space for the Bright Vision's more secret/personal documents. Since Ingrid took you home yesterday, and said you won't be going to work for the company anymore, then maybe you can find somewhere else to store those files so you can make space for new memories with Ms.Bright.

First, you'll need to recheck some of your own memories to see if they're worth holding onto. There is probably a lot of junk in there that you won't be needing anymore, which can be a bit tedious and take some time, but you clearly have enough time on your hands to do so, considering how she is not home and- Well, you're pretty bored, you already done everything that she asked you to do.

Honestly, she gave such small tasks today, she probably didn't plan to change your work environment so suddenly.

After about an hour of research through your data you have realized that even if you have way too many files, it's kinda hard to delete them. At first you didn't mind the idea of deleting certain stuff, but now it feels a bit sad to erase parts of your memory, you just had so many good times and- And even the bad times are worth remembering, right?

It has been an hour of you just standing there, trying your best to not delete anything important while also revising each recording you have. Most files are a bit out of order, numerically speaking, but you don't mind that too much cause- Well, you can always reorganize them later.

… You never actually do that, but you like to think that one day you will, though.

After so many recordings of conversations, you found one who didn't seem to really belong in your head. You see, you always title every single thing inside your personal archives so that it doesn't get mixed with other files- All of your memories have a specific title so that you can have an idea of which is which.

The thing is- You don't remember this file, the title seems off, and it seems like it's incomplete. Oddly broken. Still, you decided to take a listen and try to remember what happened in this event.

"{... Replaying recorded conversation n°000.068.xxx: "I yell too much" ...}"

"...."

This is a very silent audio, there seems to be some background noise happening, but you can't make out what's happening. This audio sounds distorted, edited maybe. Someone tried messing with your memories but they weren't able to completely erase this file.

Maybe they were inexperienced at the time.

"...."

You think you heard something, it sounded closer to you- It sounded like someone possibly sitting down next to you. You don't know who it is, or what it is

"...."

".... I'm such a mess. Why am I doing this? Why does this feels so-"

"...."

It seems like someone is speaking, but you're not speaking back. Even in this heavily edited audio, you can still make out what sounds to be a feminine voice.

".... I'm sorry for, well, using you this way. It feels- So, so weird."

"...."

".... I just want… No, I need to vent to you for a while, even if you won't remember what I'm going to say."

This audio gives you an odd sensation. You think you're starting to recognize who this is- But then again, who else could it be, if not Ms.Bright herself?

" I never did this before, with something so- Human like- With something so human looking. I used to record my thoughts on my phone but I thought I would never need to vent with an object before- But here I am! Making a fool of myself…"

"...."

The speaker, who you assume to be Ingrid, seems to be having a lot of trouble speaking, her voice is cracking and her breathing seems uneven. She sounds out of breath, and she takes a lot of pauses to be able to speak her mind.

"...."

".... I have…. Thought about opening myself in this way because- Because I have no one else to listen to it, and I guess I can only blame myself for it. I know I'm difficult, I know I'm rude and I know I come across as a tyrant to everyone else- I- I really don't know what 's wrong with me, okay?!"

" Years, and years, and years of training, of studying, of planning to become the very next owner of this corporation as it's already not only a job but also a very painful family tradition that I felt proud of! That I gave everything that I could to be part of! I remember wanting this so bad, I remember how I used to daydream about this stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid tradition when I was a little kid who just wanted to do more, to be more!"

".… I almost lost all of this. 19 years of my life that were threatened to be thrown in the trash just because I- Because I'm not his son??! Because I- I'm not his only "son" anymore??.... Who said I ever was- Who said I ever was his son…?"

".... I- I know all about the stupid, awful and extremely unnecessary tradition of passing the leadership from father to son, and to this very day- inside the same office all of my predecessors had went through- I still think that tradition is garbage. I always thought I wouldn't make it here, I always thought something would stop me from being the next face of Bright Vision."

".... I can't tell- If I always knew about this- I can't even imagine how I knew this considering the dumb kid that I was, but…"

".... I'm his daughter. I'm Mr.Bright's only daughter, and the only possible heir to this twisted company."

" The people outside think our only focus it's on robotics and technology of all kinds. I wish I could go back to thinking that too, it would have been so much simpler that way."

" After a very long fight about my rights as the heir to this- Company. My father thought it would be wise to move to the countryside. Far away from all of this. And to be fair, I was- So, so mad at him that I thought that him moving away from here and letting me be would be better, but every now and then I- I miss him. I miss him so much…."

"He sent me a birthday present today. After three years of absolute silence he sends me flowers and- And a gift card containing his number… And I- Called him despite everything, and even so to this day he can't even say my name- IT'S BEEN THREE YEARS AFTER HE LEFT ME ALL ALONE WITH THIS CURSED BUSINESS AND HE STILL CAN'T FUCKING. SAY. MY. NAME."

You felt scared at the sudden yelling, even if her voice was progressively getting more aggressive and louder, you still got caught up by the sudden yelling.

".... I'm- A mess- I know that now."

You can't understand what's going on, but it sounds like she started laughing… Or maybe crying? Probably both.

".... I'm just terrible at this. I always was, weren't I? I'm just terrible at these types of interactions- Maybe all of them! I just don't understand how to- How to do it?? I don't know anymore…."

".... That's why I have you, in the first place, isn't it?"

" I had such an awful time expressing myself that they gave me an overpriced doll to do it for me. When I first heard about this three years ago, I- I've felt so fucking pitiful."

" Can you imagine it? The CEO of such a big corporation is so difficult to deal with that she needs an overly glorified doll that can translate her words to the other employees! An a.i created just to help me, an absolute idiot!"

".... I've felt so angry at them- I felt so angry at him for having to build a robot just to be a comfort pet to the stressful work that I would have to do for the rest of my position as owner of Bright Vision Corp, and I was mad at you! You pissed me off to no end, and I- I just couldn't help but be frustrated at you, not for being in my way, but for being an reminder that I'm awful at this-"

"...."

Her sobs stopped her from continuing that sentence.

".... I've treated you so unfairly because of this. I- I made sure that whenever you looked at me you would feel terrified of me because that's the only way I thought I could be respected, that's the only way I thought you would listen to me, and yet you never did…. You weren't built to follow my every order perfectly, you were made to be literally my only friend, after 22 years, here you are- The only person that can get me isn't even an actual person-"

"..... And I forget this…! I forget this every time I look at your eyes, I forget how robotic you are whenever I see you helping others not because you were told to, but just because you thought you could."

"...."

".... I always forget that you're supposed to be just another robot… He really did think about everything when designing you."

".... I always catch myself being awful towards you, being- Being excessively rude, not because of my way of talking but because of my own petty feelings towards you as my assistant… As my friend, as my android, as my-"

"...."

"..... I'm so sorry for being like this, you don't deserve to have someone who is constantly being mean towards you be considered your boss- Your boss, your friend- ...Sigh, even your owner…"

" I'm sorry [Y/n], I'm really, really sorry- But it doesn't matter how many times I say that- I don't know if I can ever make it up to you. Words won't heal any wounds, they never did."

"...."

".... But maybe actions will."

"...."

" I'll stop being so harsh on you, you really don't deserve this- I was feeling weird about using your recording system to vent like this, but now that I think about it I have been using you as a venting mechanism since the day we met……. I'm- I'm so goddamn awful."

"...."

" "How can someone so in love be so cruel?".... Would you be able to answer me if you were conscious?.... I don't think you would, no one has been able to tell me the right answer yet."

".... I hope I can be better- I will be better."

"...."

" I just need to remember how to delete this file before you wake up- I hope I can do that. End recording."

"{... End of recorded conversation n°000.068.xxx …}

………….

It took you about an hour or so to be able to process what you have just listened to. And even then, you weren't able to fully comprehend what happened.

Ms.Bright- No, Ingrid- Ingrid has used your recording system while you were out, she probably tried deleting the file but because she was inexperienced with your kind of technology, she decided to just edit it and try to make it unlistenable.

It was- Barely audible but you still got to understand some of it.

Did she- Did she forget to completely erase it? Did she forget entirely??? You're not sure.

You don't know why but a sudden wave of- Something- Something feels so odd about this-

You don't know how to respond really. You don't feel mad about her ranting to you, you don't even feel bad about her ranting to you while you weren't aware- You feel bad, but not because of her but because of the emotional turmoil she has been hiding from you.

Should you do something? Should you say something?? How do you even- You don't know how respond to this-

You're programmed to comfort her, yet- This file is already old, and she didn't want you to remember this so maybe it won't be the best idea to bring it up, but what can you do??!

Maybe you just need to rethink this through, maybe you should listen to audio again, and try to figure out what's the best way to help her out when she comes back.

You're honestly baffled at the idea that someone like her had so much to confess to- You probably shouldn't have seen her as an unstoppable goddess in the first place, but then again- Even after hearing her open herself, even after listening to her insecurities- Your opinion of her hasn't changed.

She was holding this for so long, no wonder she always seems on edge.

She 's only human. Yet you never really saw her as just that.

She was always so much larger than you, so much stronger than what your fabricated body was, and she always sounded so much smarter and- And she was just always so… Terrifyingly beautiful to you.

Ingrid Bright was always considered a very good looking individual, but no one ever considered her to be much else because of her way of speaking to others (which may sound rude and occasionally condescending, causing others to avoid her as much as they could), but you always thought she was so much more than that-

It's hard to even explain it really, ever since you met you have started to understand the concept of how beauty and fear can mix together, you find her to be so beautiful, yet her demeanor and stature makes you feel afraid of her for some reason- And even worse than that, the fear she may unconsciously bring you makes her seem more beautiful in your eyes.

You shouldn't think of her as scary or frightening, she is your boss, your master and your owner, there is no reason for why you should feel this way towards her- But then again, there is no reason for you to even feel in the first place, you were just built to do so.

You don't think she means harm to anyone, after getting to know her you realize why her behavior can be misinterpreted as mean and scary- Ms.Bright always had a hard time socializing with others, even her family had a hard time understanding her, so maybe that's why she grew to have such a tough exterior.

As someone that was built to make the communication between CEO and employees easier, you've had to learn to understand her to be able to help others understand her as well, and vice versa. It wasn't easy, and you wouldn't say that you know her completely well- But you feel proud of the work you have done so far, you're her loyal companion but more importantly a friend.

Funny how much you learned not only about her, the employees, or even the business of the company- But also about humans in general in these five years of working for her, it makes you feel more whole when you remember how much you have achieved.

You hope you can somehow help her right now, and to help her from here on out. You decide to wait for her and possibly talk about how she feels and how she deals with said feelings. Hopefully all ends well.

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

Sorry for the loose ending! I was feeling very tired ;-; but if anyone wants it I could totally make a second chapter with a better ending.

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

#sheep's stuff #yandere oc #yandere #yandere x reader #yandere x female reader #yandere x reader fanfic #yandere fanfic #yandere oc x reader #yandere oc x reader fanfic #yandere ceo fanfiction #yandere ceo x reader #yandere ceo x robot reader #yandere ceo #special delivery request #special delivery fanfiction

26 notes · View notes

joheun-saram · 4 years ago

Text

To Make A Power Couple (knj) | 05

Chapter 5: 30 under 30

previous | masterlist | next

Summary- After a bout of long distance our couple reunites for a weekend where they are both invited to the Forbes 30 under 30 celebration.

word count- 13k 😅

pairing- idol!namjoon x ceo!reader

rating- R

genre- series, slow burn, fluff, smut, strangers2lovers, angst (😱)

warnings- alcohol consumption, softdom!Joon, oral sex (f. receiving), orgasm denial, explicit sex, hints towards depressive mindset, overworking

a.n- new chapter? NEW CHAPTER! AND THERE’S ANGST?! I would like to point out that the Namjoon’s struggles in this chapter are in no way meant to reflect the real Namjoon’s thoughts. This is a fictional character. I use writing as an outlet to work through my own issues so the only headspace they accurately reflect is my own at times. If you relate, or need someone to talk to you, my messages are open - I’m here for you!

Thank you so much for the love you all have given this series so far! I’m loving writing this! Also, I’m still simping for this couple and writing the last two scenes was heartbreaking.

s/o to @moccahobi for beta reading! ily!

Feedback much appreciated! 💕

taglist - @beach-bitch-bitch-beach, @sscheherazadee, @rjsmochii, @jinjccns, @joyful-jimin @sideblogger @agustdpeach @diamonddia-mond

“So how much do I have to bribe Sejin to let us be in the same room for the Forbes thing?” You settled in bed, wearing one of your boyfriend’s t-shirts, as you Facetimed him a few countries away, his scent making you feel closer to him. To say his comeback had him busy was an understatement. Since the night you two had agreed on labeling your relationship, you only had a few weeks together to cuddle, visit your favorite places, and argue philosophies of the books you were reading, before being thrown into a long-distance relationship. First, your investor meetings had you traveling from San Francisco to Seoul every few weeks and then he set out on the Asian leg of his promotions and mini-tour. The days that you were in the same city were spent staying in bed and ordering take-out (mostly jjajangmyeon to satisfy Namjoon’s cravings), alternating between his apartment and yours.

“Literally nothing? Obviously we’re in the same room! He’s not gonna stop me from staying with my girlfriend who I haven’t seen in like two months.” He looked tired, his brows creased as he massaged his shoulder. Your heart panged wishing you could be there to massage it for him.

“Oh. But what if we get caught?” This was not a new concern. Since day one, you had to ensure that all your dates were private, pretending you both were single at events you were obligated to attend. He had an image to portray and although it sometimes weighed on you that you always had a group of friends with you whenever you went out in public and that you couldn’t hold hands during your outings, you respected him too much to tarnish his career.

“By who? The room service guy?” He rolled his eyes as he now started to punch his shoulders.

“Yes, or fans who hack the security system. I remember some One Direction fans doing that.” You pretended as if some of those fans were not your old university friends. You don’t talk to them anymore, but you have to admit it was hilarious seeing a group of coders hunched over their computers to get access to grainy pictures of Harry Styles walking in the hallways.

“You are so paranoid. We’ll be fine, baby. Trust me.” He dismissed you with a huff as he finally let go of his shoulders and moved on to removing his makeup.

“Also, I didn’t know you told your company.” You both had decided to wait to tell BigHit about your relationship until you were done with this long-distance leg, opting to go in together to announce it. Neither of you wanted to go public so you assumed the meeting was going to be quick and painless.

“I told people who needed to know. Hyung included.” He shrugged.

“Aww, I was looking forward to sneaking around some more!” You joked as he carried his phone to the bathroom to wash his face.

“You’re annoying.” He whined as he put on copious amounts of skincare before dropping on his hotel bed like a brick. Looking at his bare face, his dark circles and tired eyes were much more evident. Tonight’s show must have been really hard on him.

“Aw, do you miss me, baby?” You cooed, hoping to make him laugh. You wanted to hug him, cuddle with him as the little spoon as you usually did when he had a hard day, but all you could do at the moment was make jokes and hope that was enough. Shit, you missed him.

“I always miss you. Phone sex sucks.” He sighed, making himself comfortable among the pillows.

“I knew it! You only like me for the sex.” Just give me one laugh Namjoon, come on. A chuckle, anything!

“Yes and your sexy brain, pretty girl.” He laughed lightly as he stared at you through the screen, the longing in his eyes mirroring yours.

“Hey! That’s my line!” You giggled, relieved to see the crease between his brows finally disappear.

“Fuck! Three more days!” He said excitedly, shaking the phone in his hand making him look more like a crazed anime character with his new pink hair and lopsided glasses than your boyfriend.

“Three more days!” you squealed.

----------------------------------

Your body ached from the thirteen-hour flight as you walked through the lobby of the Metropolitan Detroit hotel with Siwon. Grateful for how organized Namjoon’s company was, you seamlessly checked in and made your way to your suite, dropping off your stuff before meeting Siwon at his to go over the weekend itinerary. Even though you knew he was still in the air since the boys and his flight wasn’t due to land for another five hours, you texted him your safe arrival.

Over the past four months since the gala, Jiyoung’s hard work had started to pay off. You were no longer an unknown entity controlling a company; you were now an “influencer entrepreneur”. Your personal social media, now closely tied to the company, showcasing not only usual photos of you at museums and galleries (courtesy of Namjoon’s camera) but photos of you in boardrooms and speaking at events (courtesy of Siwon’s camera). You had significantly surpassed your corporate accounts in followers over a month ago, with a steady stream coming in after your interview in a fashion magazine of all things (apparently your “street style” was deemed a breath of fresh air for businesswomen) and another stream coming in when you were invited to this year’s class of Forbes 30 under 30.

Although you usually didn’t care for flashy awards such as this, Jiyoung had worked overtime on your nomination and the fact that you were one of the ten people invited from Korea made you pretty happy. The coverage and clout that came with your invite had made you a role model for young female entrepreneurs and that was something you were actually proud of. When you started out there were barely any female mentors and you wanted to change that, give back to other young women running their own ventures. You were excited to meet women around your age who you could relate to this weekend. This was one of the first years that there were this many women invited, making up almost 40%, and your extroverted self was buzzing. Of course, an added bonus was that out of the ten winners from Korea, one was your boyfriend and six were his bandmates, who were slowly but surely becoming your close friends as well. You had been looking forward to this weekend since it was announced a month ago.

Arriving at Siwon’s room you ordered some lunch and planned out the weekend. Tonight was a free night where you could explore the city and the pre-festival activities, although to be honest after almost two months apart, the only thing you’d be exploring tonight was your boyfriend. Tomorrow would be a brunch meet for all the winners followed by a gala in the evening filled with dancing, dinner, and drinks. Then the next day was the festival, which you were still undecided about wanting to attend or not.

“Honestly, it’s up to you. It seems pretty useless to attend if you want to hang out with Namjoon instead.” Siwon offered as you both started on a pro-con list for reasons to attend.

“I don’t know. What if there are some big clients we could get?” Although you missed him dearly, there was no way you could forgive yourself if you let your heart cloud your judgment.

“Yes, we can definitely teach Detroit some English.” Siwon rolled his eyes. “Most of the companies here are tech companies, too small for our caliber. Take a break. This month’s been tough.”

As much as you wanted to disagree with Siwon, he wasn’t wrong. This past month has probably been the toughest month for you in terms of deadlines and stress in the past two years. With the added pressure of maintaining a public persona, your days at the office had stretched from the usual ten hours to sixteen. Most of the time you would be holed up at your desk going through proposals or stuck in meetings with your board as you planned strategies after strategies for expansion into Japan only to get shut down and asked to reassess by one or multiple of them. On top of that, your evenings were booked with conferences where you were invited to speak, given your new spotlight. Most times when you reached home you barely had the energy to change as you fell into bed, falling asleep under ten minutes, usually with Namjoon on the phone as he went through similar motions. You were stressed. Even this short trip was cutting into your time and although you had made good use of the plane’s wifi to work, there was still one proposal that you would have to finish sometime this weekend. Suddenly, the idea of not going to the festival was looking better, so you relent to Siwon as you bid him goodbye and make your way back to your room.

After a quick shower, you decided to work on the proposal before Namjoon arrived but soon as you sat on the desk typing away, the exhaustion of the day caught up with you, and with your head on the table, you drifted to a dreamless sleep.

----------------------------------------

Namjoon hadn’t been this excited in a long while. He could barely focus on the conversation in the car as he followed the little blue dot on his phone that was showing the way to the hotel. He had texted you as soon as he landed but you hadn’t responded and he was getting a bit antsy.

“Namjoon! Are you paying attention? Hey! I’m talking to you!” He begrudgingly looked up from his phone to see Jin pouting at him annoyed that he missed his comment. He rolled his eyes at him as he launched into a rant about him never listening to his stories. How Jin had this much energy after a twelve-hour flight was lost on him.

“Let him be. He’s just excited to see Y/N.” Yoongi spoke, not even bothering to open his eyes. Although Namjoon was glad that Yoongi had his back, he wished he hadn’t said anything because suddenly everyone forgot about their long flight and started cooing. He felt himself get annoyed as their teasing increased but he couldn’t help the goofy grin that made its way to his face. He couldn’t be mad at them, they all had people at home they were missing, and he was lucky that unlike them he could get a break from missing you and actually hold you in his arms. He wouldn’t tell you but initially, his company had decided to send in their regrets for this event but he may or may not have convinced them to move the shoot for their new music video that was taking place in Los Angeles to next week so they could be here this weekend. If he had to just see you through his screen for another month he was going to go crazy. If it was up to him he would not leave your side at all the next three days.

Namjoon had to restrain himself from sprinting to his room as soon as he was handed the key card. He barely noticed a few of his members following him as he opened the door to spy you hunched over the desk in the corner of the large room, your laptop displaying multiple pictures of your friends and the both of you together. He figured you were asleep but he couldn’t wait to gently wake you up as he usually did, instead opting for screaming a loud “baby” and running to hug your sleeping form.

What he didn’t expect was for you to wake up so startled that you scream and elbow him in the ribs making him stumble backward till his butt met the floor, much to the entertainment of Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook who were cackling in the background.

“Oh my god! Joon?” He could see your face go from confusion to recognition and then into one of the most beautiful smiles he had seen as your puffy eyes go wide. “Joonie!”

You launched yourself from your chair into his arms as you collapsed on top of him in something between a hug and a cuddle as both of you fell to the floor erupting in giggles. Your scent enveloped him and he could feel himself getting delirious. He didn’t know whether it was the long flight or the long-distance but his heart felt like it was going to explode in his chest. He hadn’t been this happy in a long while.

“I missed you!” He exclaimed as he peppered aggressive pecks on top of your head, his arms around your shoulders tightening, making you squirm and laugh. Above you the maknaes squealed a chorus of “cute!”, cooing loudly.

“I missed you more!” You countered, grinning into his chest, before attempting to get up only to be pulled in tighter after Namjoon’s whine. “Babe, we have the whole weekend!”

“Hey! We missed her too! I want a hug!” Jimin mock yelled at Namjoon, who was now sitting up with you on his lap, still not letting you go.

“No. Get your own Y/N.” He pouts, placing a kiss to your shoulder as you giggle. You hadn’t seen this cute clingy side before and you were sure you had heart eyes. Ignoring his whining you managed to wriggle yourself out of his grip and stood up, greeting the boys. You barely talked for five minutes before Namjoon got impatient again and suggested “as their leader” they go rest after the long flight. You all made plans to meet up for dinner and drinks later that night to properly catch up.

You waved bye to the boys as Namjoon pushed them out the door, ignoring their groans. As soon as the door was closed, he grabbed you by the waist, his lips crashing into yours. The kiss was hungry, all tongues, teeth, and desperation. Your arms went around his neck, fingers pulling at his hair as his hands moved lower, groping your ass in an attempt to pull you even closer, grinding against you and making you moan into the kiss. Soon Namjoon was pinning you against the wall, his hands roaming all over your body as yours do on his.

“Missed my pretty girl,” Namjoon says after a few minutes, beaming and panting, his forehead against yours, his hand caressing your sides. Hearing your favorite nickname makes you melt. Even though his heart is beating a mile a minute, heat encasing his body, he hasn’t felt this relaxed in months. Just being in your presence puts him at ease.

“I really missed you.” You reach up to kiss him again, slower this time allowing yourself to relish him after being deprived for so long. He returns the kiss just as tenderly, making your heart melt in your chest as he cups your face, thumbs running over your cheeks. Even though things had started heated, this is what you truly missed, just being in each other's presence.

When you break the kiss, he lifts you up bridal style as you squeal, your arms automatically going around his neck. He grins at you, making you feel the same butterflies you had when you first met him as you poke his dimples, and he carries you to the bed, gently placing you among the pillows before kissing you again.

He was on top of you as you kissed, and you had almost forgotten what it felt to have him there with you as your tongues wrestled, his weight cushioning you to the mattress. Your hands reached the hem of his shirt, pulling it upwards till he sat on his knees to remove it, looking at you with his signature smirk as you ran your hands up his body, feeling the contours of his muscles, enjoying the way his chest flexed under them. That is until his smirk turned into one of the biggest yawns you had ever witnessed.

“Am I boring you, Joonie?” You saw his face flush as he looked at you sheepishly before leaning back over you and kissing your lips before moving on to your jaw.

“I read somewhere that yawns are just your brain's way of getting more oxygen” He whispered while gently kissing your neck, making you moan, as his hands moved under your shirt, roaming over your chest. “And all my blood’s somewhere else now so it makes sense” He kissed your ear, making you giggle.

“Wow your dirty talk sure has gotten scientific.” You couldn’t hold back your laughter as you processed what he had just said, your moans turning into cackles. He nipped at your ear as he leaned up to look at you, a goofy grin on his face.

“I’m out of practice!” He shrugged and pretended to glare at you but it only lasted a few seconds before he started laughing again because this time it was you who was yawning. Somehow the earlier sexual tension fades into comfort as you both get caught into a yawn loop.

“Maybe we should just nap first” you suggest pulling him back to you as you peck his lips.

“I do feel like I do better when I’m well-rested.” He lays on his side pulling you into him, one arm under your head and one around your waist. You hum in approval as you cozy up into him. You kiss as you slowly doze off, the adrenaline of your reunion wearing off into a soft glow of contentment.

--------------------------------

“Y/N! You have to call me oppa. We’re close enough! Stop calling me Mr. Seokjin!” You rolled your eyes as Jin yelled from the couch across from you. You had hung out with him quite a few times and every time he got drunk he insisted on making you call him by the term of endearment. You didn’t mind the term, in fact you called all your older male friends by it since moving to Korea, but riling up Jin till he started rapping was too funny an opportunity to pass up.

“I can just call you Jin instead if you hate Mr Seokjin?” you smirked as the room around you burst into giggles. You were sitting on the couch in Hoseok’s room, leaning into Namjoon, his arm around your shoulders as he sipped his beer, shaking his head at your antics. After you and Namjoon had become official, you had made it a goal of yours to get to know most of his friends, as he had with yours. Before being separated, you would go out for dinners with your combined friends, and hearing them say they missed you warmed your heart.

The first time you had had drinks together you had introduced them to King’s cup, one of your favorite drinking games from university, and their penchant for petty competitiveness and gross punishments made the game and you a regular occurrence whenever a few of you had free time together. In fact, Jungkook was so into it that he brought a deck of cards on tour to carry on the tradition, even though you had shown him multiple apps that could do the same. The same deck of cards was the one sprawled around the cup filled with Taehyung’s strawberry daiquiri, Siwon’s IPA, and Yoongi’s whiskey on the coffee table. No one was looking forward to pulling the next king card.

The room was a bit crowded, filled with people. Although dinner was just you and the boys catching up, everyone had decided to invite the boys’ stylists and managers, as well as Siwon, for drinks. Hoseok had lost the game of rock, paper, scissors so he was made the begrudging host.

“I’m older than you. You can’t call me just Jin!” he pouted, red cheeks puffed and arms crossed across his chest.

“Yeah by five months!” This is how this argument always went. It was pretty much scripted at this point, as evident by Taehyung who was gleefully mouthing the words before they even came out of your mouths. He’ll argue that Yoongi still called him hyung, you’d retort that’s because Jin forced him and that he was dumb for following through, Yoongi would then interrupt saying that he was still one month older than you and you’d rile up Jin more by calling Yoongi oppa the rest of the night while he would complain about you disrespecting Korean culture and you’d annoy him by telling him that he was disrespecting Canadian culture by not letting you use just his first name. You’d finally relent after seeing him stew only to pick up the same argument the next time you all drank together.

“Stop arguing and pick a card!” Hoseok whined, his sweet demeanor slowly phasing into his zombie persona with each sip of his drink. You loved hanging out with him but the man could not handle his alcohol. Namjoon kind of felt bad that Hobi was the host. He would normally offer him his bed once he inevitably passed out but Namjoon had other plans for his bed once this party was over.

Jin obliged as he picked up a card, careful not to break the circle lest he was forced to down his concoction of mini bar liquor and fruit punch. He picks up a jack, requiring him to start a game of Never Have I Ever.

“Alright, never have I ever disrespected Kim Seokjin.” He said smugly, looking straight at you egging you on to drink. You oblige by raising your glass to him before sipping your drink. To Jin’s annoyance, almost everyone else did that same thing, causing him to grumble.

“Okay that was a boring waste of a question,” Jimin states, rolling his eyes, already drunk sitting on the couch’s arm next to Namjoon. “Let’s make the couples here uncomfortable. Never have I ever had sex in public.”

Surprisingly, Namjoon, you and a stylist are the only ones that drink, making Jimin scream a loud “Kinky!” and prompting Sejin to start his lecture on being careful in the public eye since you were pretty known now and the press would have a field day. Before he can get into the full swing of his chiding, you decide to save you and Namjoon by protesting that you didn’t even hold his hand in public, let alone do anything else, and suddenly the whole atmosphere in the room changed. All eyes went from Namjoon to the stylist, with him glaring at Jimin and her awkwardly downing her drink before leaving. Confused and drunk, you don’t hesitate to ask what’s wrong in the silence that ensues, till it finally dawns on you. That’s the ex he worked with. Oh.

Namjoon could see the gears turning in your head as you put two and two together. He was going to kill Jimin and then himself. Why didn’t he think before taking a sip? He wanted tonight to end with you in his arms, not with you mad at him over something that happened two years ago. However, before he could think of how to make it up to you - maybe he could get you flowers or that whiskey you really like - you laugh, breaking the tension in the room.

“It’s okay guys, everyone has exes!” Still giggling you sip your drink while Jimin apologizes, waving him off. “Why would I get mad at this?”

That caused the room to return back to normal, people resuming the game and enjoying their drinks, but Namjoon was still confused. He knew you were a pretty rational person, but he had just told the whole room of your friends that he fucked his ex in public when you confirmed that he wouldn’t even hold your hand. Surely, he wasn’t wrong to assume that you would be at least a little peeved, but here you were laughing along at Jungkook’s stupid jokes without batting an eyelid. Before he could dwell too long on it, it was your turn to pull a card - pulling a king and effectively ending the game.

“Ewwww. I hate this. Ugh. Is this punishment for introducing you all to this game?” You scrunch your nose sniffing the liquid in the cup as the whole group chants “chug!”. Before you can put it to your lips, Namjoon grabs the cup from you.

“Allow me.” He says as he chugs the drink, almost in one shot, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and barely concealing the shiver that runs through him at the disgusting taste. Half the crowd boos as the other half coos at the chivalrous gesture. You can’t help smiling sweetly at him as he grimaces, and putting your arms around his waist pulling him in an embrace, exclaiming an overly exaggerated “My hero!”.

“Anything for my girl!” He says as he returns your hug and cups your face. “But you gotta suffer the taste with me!”

You’re not one for public displays of affection but you let him pull you into a sloppy kiss, almost forgetting your surroundings as he deepens it, his hand gripping your waist, his tongue tasting mostly of fake strawberry flavoring. Before you can get too carried away, you are interrupted by Yoongi, poking you both and wedging himself between you when you separate.

“Stop being gross! Some of us are single!” He says, making himself comfortable with an annoyed look on his face.

“Awww hyung! They are so cute! Let them be gross!” A drunk Taehyung exclaims, clapping gleefully from the floor where he’s laying in Jungkook’s lap.

“Yeah! Rapmon hyung and Y/N noona are OTP!” Jungkook says as he sips his wine, almost dribbling it down his chin.

“Nobody says OTP anymore, kid.” Yoongi drawls but refuses to move from his position. “Plus I’m the one responsible for this okay? Your OTP would be nothing without me.” He looks smug as he finishes his sentence, sipping his drink and shrugging his shoulders. Namjoon and you exchange a smirk at his remark and proceed to hug your grumpy friend tightly from both sides much to his over the top protests. Namjoon was truly grateful Yoongi had given him the courage to speak to you that night. He can’t even begin to explain the impact you have made on his life. As he looked at you tipsy and giggling, now arguing with Yoongi over which Kanye album was the best, he felt his heart blossom. You were beautiful and he was in love with you. He was sure you weren’t there yet but he promised himself that before this trip was over he was going to tell you without chickening out at the last moment like the last four times.

The party comes to an end soon after. Hoseok almost passes out after his third nursed drink and Sejin has the right mind to kick everyone out while Namjoon and Jimin help Hoseok to his bed, your heart warming as your equally drunk boyfriend forces him to brush his teeth and get into bed. Once Hoseok is firmly tucked in, Namjoon turns to you and squats.

“Get on!” He smiles looking at your direction.

“Joon we’re like two doors down. Get up!” You giggle tipsily at his offer to piggyback you.

“I wanna carry you!” He pouts against your protests, finally giving up on the piggyback after asking three times and instead draping you over his shoulder as you squeal.

“You’re gonna hurt your shoulder!” You scream but your protests go unheard, even as you take the opportunity to smack his butt from your position, a smack that he returns with a warning to behave, but you’re feeling drunk and cheeky as you continue to smack him, even going so far to rap to the beat that you’re making as he unlocks the door to your room.

He tosses you on the bed, pinning your arms above your head before you can wrap them around him and smirks at you, his eyes full of mischief.

“See, I was going to apologize for my ex but you had to go and be a brat.” He kisses you breathless as he takes both your hands in one of his while the other moves under your shirt, raising goosebumps where it caresses your stomach.

“Apologize for what?” You pant as he breaks the kiss, and he can see the confusion on your face.

“You’re not mad?” Now it’s his turn to be confused. He was sure you were mad. He would’ve been mad. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t still thinking about it since the awkward incident.

“That you had sex with your ex-girlfriend while you were dating her?” You do a dramatic gasp as you giggle at his dumbfounded expression.

“Yeah… and told our friends about it.” He looks at you sheepishly, his earlier dominant persona fading into your soft boyfriend. His hand loosens its grip on yours as he searches your eyes for any signs of hurt, his eyebrows scrunched.

“Joon you fuck too good to have been a virgin when we met.” You lift one hand to poke at the crease between his brows as you laugh and he holds your wrist, still gauging your expression.

“You’re not mad? Or… jealous?”

“Pfft. I know I fucking rock your world better than she ever did.” You try your best to do a hair flip from where you lay under him, failing miserably and making him laugh, his head coming to rest on your shoulder.

“That you do, baby. That you do.” He pecks your shoulder as he moves to your neck, kissing up to your jaw before crashing his lips onto yours. As your hands go to his hair, he brings them back over your head, breaking your kiss but not before pulling your lower lip with his teeth, coaxing a moan from you. “But you’re still getting spanked for being a brat.”

You feel his deep voice reverberate through to your core as you look at the lust in his eyes and feel yourself getting wetter. He kisses you again, his arm hooking under your waist as he sits up pulling you with him, making you gasp at the sudden movement, your arms going around his neck. Your heart’s beating a mile a minute as you make out in his lap, grinding slowly. Even after months of being together you still can’t get used to how easily his switch to this persona turns you to putty. You whimper as his hands find your ass, his fingers groping the muscle hard enough to bruise.

“Get naked.” If you were wet before, you’re dripping now as he moves you off his lap, sitting on the edge of the bed, his legs spread and leaning on his elbows. You decide to make a show of it, jumping off the bed and slowly peeling off the layers. You smile over your shoulder as you rid yourself of your bra, watching him smile, eyes hooded, from where he watches relaxed. Your hands find the waistband of your jeans, slowly unbuttoning them and shimmying out of them, swaying your hips as you do. You’re sure you would find this strip tease embarrassing if it weren’t for how his hungry eyes drink in every expanse of new skin exposed. You bend down to give him a view of your ass as you pull your panties off, a thread of your slick following them as they reach the floor, making him groan loudly. “Fuck. I love your ass.”

You drape yourself on his lap, the material of his jeans on your bare skin making you shiver in excitement as he gently caresses your behind. “Since you love rapping so much, how about you rap that song from earlier, hmm?” he says as he lands a loud smack without warning making you jump at the contact. The sharp pain quickly ebbs into pleasure as he soothes the heated skin under his big palm. “What’s your safeword?”

“Rap monster.” That is not your safeword, but your drunk self thinks it’s the funniest joke as you giggle looking up at him to see his face crack into the smallest of smiles before reverting back to a stern look as he glares at you.

“Seems like someone doesn’t want to cum tonight.” He smacks you again, harder this time making you gasp before you’re apologizing at his threat. Namjoon watches your skin bloom red as he tries to maintain his composure. Trust you to make jokes even when he’s spanking you, and trust him for finding it funny.

“Sunflower! It’s sunflower!” you yell as his hand lands yet again on your ass.

“Good girl. Let’s hear that rap then.” You’re not even sure what song you’re mumbling as his hand rains on your behind, each spank making you wetter till you’re dripping down your thighs and whimpering in his hold.

“Fuck so wet for me.” He hisses as his fingers trace your swollen folds making you jump and mewl as he lightly caresses your throbbing clit. He leans down to kiss your red cheeks as he guides you off his lap and on to the bed and lies on top of you, smiling brightly as he cups your face to kiss you, slow and deep. “You did so well, baby. You’re really into ASAP nowadays aren’t you?”

“You really need some variation in the playlists you send me.” You quip, chuckling as you gently guide his face back to yours, kissing him again, his tongue intertwining with yours. As he leans on one elbow, his other hand makes its way down your body, stopping briefly to tweak each nipple and making you moan before he reaches the apex of your thighs. His fingers dip in you slightly gathering your arousal before starting to circle your clit as he starts kissing your neck, suckling the spot he knows makes you go crazy. It’s like your whole body’s on fire as he finds a rhythm, driving you quickly towards the edge, your mind turning blank as eyes squeeze shut and your lips moan his name. You’re so close and he can feel it by how your nails dig into his shoulders, making him hiss, but before you can cum he moves his hand away, bringing his fingers to his lips to clean them as he watches you glare at him with a whine.

“You really think I’ll forget your little joke earlier?” He whispers in your ear, his voice deeper than usual, as he nips on it before sitting up between your legs and unceremoniously stripping himself of his shirt and jeans. The sight of the bulge in his boxers makes your walls clench around nothing as you stare at him open-mouthed. Enjoying your reaction, he places one of your legs on his shoulders, the back of your knee fitting perfectly next to his neck as he moves back towards you, his clothed length pressing against your core as he kisses you again roughly, making you whimper as his hands dig into your sides. Your leg burns as he licks and kisses down your jaw towards your chest, his lips taking a nipple and rolling it around with his tongue. You’re sure he can feel your wetness seep through his boxers as he grinds into you agonizingly slow. He nips at your chest and you moan as your back arches off the bed into him.

He continues his slow kisses down your body turning you into a writhing mess under him. You think you’re going to lose your mind by the time he gets past your hip bone and places a chaste kiss on the top of your mound before moving on to your thigh, nibbling at the sensitive skin and paying no attention to your dripping core making a mess of the sheets.

“Joon please…” you beg, rolling your hips to entice him as he pays you no mind, placing an arm over your hips to halt your motion and continues to mark your other thigh. When he’s fully satisfied by his work, he places his forearms under your thighs and pulls to close to his face, licking a stripe from your entrance to your clit, and it’s like you’ve been electrocuted; your earlier orgasm picking back up as your back arches off the bed, the moan emitting from you barely sounding like yourself. You clasp a hand over your mouth in shock as he continues licking you, his tongue expertly flicking at your clit before he adds two fingers inside you, the digits slipping in easily, making your walls clench around them. He hooks his fingers and you try to grind against him to no success as his arm pushes your hips into the bed. He relishes your moans as your hand moves from your mouth to grasp at the sheets, the sensation too overwhelming as your eyes close shut.

“Are you close baby? You’re not allowed to cum till I tell you.” He feels your walls tighten around his fingers as he thrusts faster and a chant of please rolls off your tongue, your hand twisting in your hair. It’s like every cell in your body is alight from your toes to your scalp, tingling as you get closer, your eyes welling up with pleasure. But once again before you can come undone, his fingers slow down to a snail’s pace, his mouth moving away. The frustration builds in you as a few tears escape and your fists punch the mattress.

He chuckles lightly as he sees you pout under him as, your hair a mess, your lips swollen and red from where you’ve bitten them. God, even glaring at him like you’re gonna kill him, you look adorable. Deciding he’s taught you a lesson, he pulls his dick out of his boxers, his tip swollen and weeping with precum, and lines it towards your entrance, teasing you further and gathering your juices.

Your eyes roll back with pleasure as he replaces his fingers with his cock, filling you to the hilt in one swift motion. The stretch combined with his teasing makes your head hazy and you can hear him groan above you as he puts both your legs in the air together, holding them against his chest with one arm as he thrusts into you slow and hard. You feel so much tighter in this position and he has to bite his lip to ensure he doesn’t cum immediately. You can feel every vein and ridge as he moves slowly and deliberately and even at this pace you are getting close.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck Joonie… please can I cum? Please I’m so close!” You don’t care that you’re yelling, you’re desperate for release, the earlier tension returning tenfold. You vow to break up with him if he denies you one more time. Fortunately for your relationship, he increases his pace, making you see stars.

“Hold it just a little bit longer baby.” His pace doesn’t falter and you’re writhing against him, a babble of incoherent pleas escaping your lips as your hands try to grab on to his forearm. Your legs are shaking and he can feel your walls tighten harder around him. He increases his speed as your pleas get louder.

“Okay baby. Cum for me.” At his command, your vision goes black and it’s like your body is one big nerve ending, pleasure zipping through you making you cry out his name as you spasm in his hold. He fucks you through your orgasm, pace not faltering, till you go limp, your breath coming out in loud pants as he praises you. “That’s my girl. Good job, baby.”

Without changing his speed, he releases your legs, pushing them to your chest as he leans down and kisses you. The new angle hitting your g-spot as you whine in his mouth at the oversensitivity, but instead of slowing down, he picks up his pace yet again, his fingers coming to trace your sensitive clit, making your head buzz with the overwhelming sensation.

“I can’t… Joon,” you whine as he fucks you hard, panting above you and you can tell he’s close.

“Do you want to use your safeword?” He looks at you with concern, slowing down and closely reading your expression. As you tell him no his hips snap into you again, his fingers working faster on your clit as the pain morphs to pleasure. He’s chasing his release, his movements becoming sloppy.

“Cum again baby. I know you can do it. Come on, that’s it” And soon you’re cumming again, screaming as tears fall down your face and your walls clench around him coaxing him to orgasm. He grunts loudly, moaning your name multiple times, as he cums, painting your walls with his seed. His breath is heavy as he pulls out and watches his cum dribble out of you, using two fingers to push it back in before he collapses on the bed next to you.

He brings his fingers up to your lips and you happily suck on them before he pulls them out and kisses you gently, his hand smoothing your hair. He then puts his arm under your head as he cuddles you into his chest, his other arm pulling your waist into him and his legs over yours. You’ve never felt safer or more comfortable than you do tangled up in him.

“Are you okay?” He asks as he gently caresses your cheek, wiping your runny mascara with his thumb, kissing you once again.

“Holy fuck. That was-” Your voice is hoarse from your screaming and you have to clear your throat a couple of times before you can speak clearly. “That was amazing.”

“Phew! The suspense was killing me!” He laughs as you playfully swat at his chest before pulling his lips on yours again. “Shower?”

“Yes. But this time you really have to carry me.” You raise your hands grabbing at the air as he stands up.

“I got you, pretty girl.” He grins widely, his eyes scrunched together, as he kisses your forehead, picking you off the bed and carrying you to the bathroom.

--------------------------------

Namjoon looked at you from across the room as you chatted with a group of women with a cup of coffee, your breakfast untouched, totally distracted from the guy who was telling him about some app he had made for producers to make it easier to find samples. He rarely got to see you in your professional element. In fact, the only time he had seen you was during the gala and he felt an unparalleled surge of pride. The way you carried yourself was so different than when you were with him. It wasn’t that you weren’t relaxed, it was just effortless - the way you seemed to answer each question with confident authority, the way you gave advice to people who were probably much older than you, and especially the way you tried to engage the quieter people of the group in conversations. It reminded him of why you had caught his eye the first time he met you, and why he was so unbelievably whipped for you. Your duality of being goofy and sexy when you were alone to being this serious vat of knowledge and experience when networking made him weak in the knees.

“So do you think you would use it?” The founder of the sampling app, Lee Seungmin, asked Namjoon. Seungmin was one of the other people invited from Korea, and seemed pretty adamant on selling his product to Namjoon. It took all of his energy to rip his gaze away from you.

“I’m sorry I missed that. What did you ask?” Namjoon asked politely, looking at the shorter, much chubbier man dressed in slacks and a shirt with his company logo on it.

“Wouldn’t blame you. She’s really hot, eh?” Seungmin jokes, making Namjoon choke on his coffee. Although he knows that this guy isn’t privy to your relationship, it makes him a little annoyed at his comment. Who was he to dare objectify you?

“Yes, but I don’t think they invite people here for their looks.” He couldn’t help how curt his tone was effectively shutting him up and making him move away to talk to someone else at the table. Namjoon would feel bad if he didn’t overhear him start the conversation about you with the next guy. Rolling his eyes, he went back to his lunch, talking to Hoseok and Yoongi instead, wishing this brunch went by faster than it did. He was getting sick of people trying to suck up to him or sell him something. Someone even had the audacity to ask him to pose with their product so they could put it on their website. He politely declined, but the thinly veiled attempts at using him and his members for clout were starting to get on his nerves. He could feel himself getting stressed, much like he did when he had to pretend to be perfect for the media, and falling back into the headspace of last month - cloudy, annoyed, and frustrated.

He was relieved when you both arrived back at the room. You held his arm for support as you leaned down to take off your heels, sighing in relief as your feet met the flat ground.

“God, I hate heels!” You exclaimed as you walked over, dropping your blazer on the ground and plopped on the couch, stretching your feet. Namjoon picked your jacket off the floor, draping it on one of the chairs as he situated himself on the other end of the sofa, putting your legs on his lap.

“Since when do you wear heels?” He asks, as he gently runs his hands over your legs, covered with a pair of navy pants.

“Too often nowadays.” You sigh with your eyes closed, and he can’t help frowning at how tired you looked, even though it’s barely past 2 pm.

“You okay, babe? Want a foot massage?” He doesn’t wait for your answer as he starts massaging your feet, smiling as you relax further into the couch.

“Shit. That feels good!” You moan as you relax. “You know they don’t give Grammys for best boyfriends, right?”

“I’m offended you think I’m doing this for something as dumb as a Grammy.” He chuckles, but he knows you well enough to know that you’re avoiding the topic. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“It’s nothing. I’m just stressed about work. Don’t worry about it.” At that you pull your legs from under his hands, walking over to grab your laptop before sitting on the couch again to start working, eyebrows furrowed as soon as you open the your laptop. Namjoon knows he shouldn’t take your dismissal to heart, but he can’t help be taken aback by your lack of openness. You always told him what was on your mind and he felt his heart ache that you didn’t want to share what was wrong. He couldn’t fully blame you. He hadn’t told you about his stresses this past month either, but unlike him, you hadn’t even noticed he was stressed. It made him a little wary, bringing his thoughts back to last night and your reaction, or lack thereof, to meeting his ex. As much as it hurt him, maybe he was right after all. You didn’t love him yet. He sighed as he got up to grab his book, hoping that he could change that before leaving you tomorrow night.

After a few hours of work, you started to feel bad for ignoring Namjoon. He had been nothing but doting this whole trip and you hated yourself for having to finish this proposal this weekend. Feeling your brain turn to mush anyways, you stretched as you walked over to your suitcase, watching your boyfriend who seemed to be engrossed in his book. You felt guilty for avoiding his questions earlier but you could see how stressed he had been from work - in fact, Jungkook had told you as much over text last week when he shared that Namjoon had collapsed during rehearsals. You knew how empathetic he was, he would do everything in his power to make sure you were feeling good, so how could you burden him with your stresses when he had so many of his own. Sure this last month had been hell and you were barely functioning but if you told him that, you know he would worry about you, and you would rather bottle everything up than have him worry.

Reaching into your suitcase, you took out his favorite packet of ramen, hiding it behind your back as you moved over to stand in front of him.

“I got you a present.” You bent down till you were face to face as he looked up at you with a smile and kissed him gently.

“I think you’ve already given me this present.” He said as he cupped your face and kissed you again, lingering longer.

You laugh as you straighten up and pull the ramen from behind your back, watching his eyes go wide in excitement as he grabs it, his dimples poking his cheeks as he hugs you. You knew he always missed home when on tour even if it was just an Asian tour, and his ramen cravings were the top priority when he arrived back to Korea. You hoped this would cheer him up as you grabbed the packet and walked over to the kettle, starting the water.

“Speaking of presents, I was saving this for tomorrow, but now I’m excited.” He says before grabbing the slim velvet box from his bag and walking over to you, wrapping you in a back hug as you pour the seasoning from the packet into the cup of dry ramen. He puts the box in front you and opens it, making it now your turn to go wide-eyed.

Inside the box is a necklace with the most delicate gold chain holding a pendant shaped like a gold slice of pizza with pepperoni made of small rubies. It would seem tacky if it didn’t look so intricate. No one had given you a gift that was so you, and it made you speechless.

“I know it’s cheesy but I saw it in Tokyo and it reminded me of our first date, but if you don’t like it I can take it back and I’m sure I can return it, I mean they gave me a gift receipt and everything.” Namjoon knew he was rambling but you were eerily quiet and the fact that he couldn’t see your face made him uneasy.

“It’s perfect,” you whisper as you turn around, your eyes glistening as you wrap your arms around his neck. He was alarmed. You never got emotional, even when you both watched Up together you barely showed any signs of being moved while he was sobbing.

“It was meant to be for our 100 day anniversary next week but I thought I’d give it early.” He pressed his forehead to yours, drinking in your smile as he held you tighter.

“I’m literally the worst girlfriend. I forgot about that.” You frowned as you looked away before you looked back at him, your eyes wide. “Oh my god! I only got you ramen! What the fuck is wrong with me?!”

“Y/N… Relax. I didn’t get you a present for you to get me one. Plus I know you’re nothing without your calendar app. I swear you’d forget to eat without it.” He laughed trying to reassure you as he kissed your frown away. “If anything it’s Siwon’s fault for not programming it in there.”

“I don’t deserve you.” You sigh as you hug him tightly, making Namjoon’s heart swoon as you ask him to put the necklace on you. He does so, kissing the nape of your neck where he clasps it and telling you that you deserve the world. You wanted to tell him you loved him before you chickened out again but before the words could make it out of your lips his were against them.

Later that night, he feels even happier as he sees you wear it to the gala. Even though he knows he can’t hold your hand, the fact that you have a symbol of his love for you around your neck makes him giddy.

--------------------------------

“Joon, seriously. I have to get this done.” You giggle as he kisses your neck, moving the strap of your tank to the side as he continues lavishing you in kisses. Namjoon was impatient. He had spent the whole night watching you from afar. He’d be damned if he had to wait any longer to have you in his arms. Work can go to hell.

To say that Namjoon hated the gala would be an understatement. First, you and Yoongi ended up unintentionally matching, and he found himself irrationally jealous at the fact that his stylist didn’t choose the Louis Vitton outfit for him so he could match with you. Second, even though all the attendees were placed on tables according to country, you had decided to sit next to none other than Lee Seungmin, the creep checking you out at brunch, who wasted no opportunity to shamelessly flirt with you, even going so far as to put his hand on your thigh a couple of times. The number of times you politely rejected him for him not to get the hint made Namjoon’s blood boil, so much so that Jin had to poke him to relax his face lest the photographers captured his reaction. And lastly, when he had to watch you dance with some old men as you were too polite to refuse, while they leered at you. Through it all, Namjoon could just watch helplessly as you seemed more uncomfortable. Now that you were both back to your room and in your pajamas, he just wanted to hold you before all the jealousy and insecurity of the night caught up with him. He knew if he kissed your neck enough, you’d soon comply.

“Do it later. We only have till tomorrow. Let’s watch a movie together?” He gives you another kiss that makes your breath hitch, a soft moan escaping your lips. Before you can get too carried away, you move his head away from you, sighing and gathering all your self-control. If you didn’t finish this proposal today you’d be in big trouble - like losing a multimillion-dollar contract big trouble. As much as you wanted to just forget work existed, you had to take a two-hour reality check on this trip.

“I can’t do that. Please understand.” You looked at him softly, but Namjoon couldn’t help getting annoyed. Didn’t you yearn for him like he did at that gala? Were you happy to be hit on by those creeps?

“Are you seriously being like this right now?” He scoffed, pulling away from you, eyebrows knitted together. Namjoon couldn’t understand why you had to work right now. You had been apart for so long, didn’t you want to spend as much time with him as he wanted to with you?

“Like what? I told you I need to have this done by tomorrow.” He could hear the familiar edge in your voice. You were starting to get annoyed.

“Do you know how much groveling I had to do to get this weekend together and you’re going to waste it on stupid work?” He ran his hands through his hair in frustration. You didn’t know he “groveled”, as far as you were aware this was part of his schedule. Why was he being so difficult all of a sudden? It’s not like you had a choice. Does he think you would seriously spend time away from him if you didn’t have to?

“Are you seriously mad at me for taking two hours, two hours, out of three days to finish some work?”

“Yes because these three days are all we get together for the next month.” Namjoon knew he was being stupid, two hours were not a big deal, but at the moment he couldn’t help but feel abandoned like somehow the scales in the relationship had tipped where the balance of affection was off. He cared so much for you, why couldn’t you feel the same?

“Oh don’t be dramatic. I will be done soon.” You snapped, your attention turning back to the screen. If Namjoon was going to throw a tantrum there was no reason for you to indulge him.

“Don’t dismiss me like that. You’re the boss, just tell the people to wait. Or delay it.” He walked closer to you, shutting your laptop, standing with his arms crossed. He wanted your full attention, and he was going to demand it. He hated how condescending you were being.

“Are you kidding me? I can’t do that. This is for a client.” You stand up facing him, anger flowing through you, indignation plastered on your features. Even though he was significantly taller than you, your glare could have made anyone feel small.

“Just do it later and apologize.” Namjoon knew he was being stubborn, but the reason for the fight was forgotten, he just wanted you to admit that you were wrong. As childish as it seemed, he wanted to win.

“What the fuck? I have a whole company that I need to pay, I can’t just skip shit.”

“Oh don’t give me that bullshit. Missing one deadline won’t make you miss payroll - you’re not a struggling small company anymore.” That hit a nerve, he could see it in your eyes as they flared with anger. He would feel bad for making you angry if he weren’t so happy to get a reaction.

“The fucking hypocrisy. Sure Namjoon, have RM miss a concert. It’s okay you’re not a struggling small band anymore!” You poked him in the chest as you moved closer. He hadn’t seen this side of you before. You had never been angry with him before. You had never fought like this before. Your anger only seemed to fuel his. He had no control over his schedule, you did. Why couldn’t you understand that fundamental difference?

“That is not the same thing. You are overworking yourself for no reason.” He was talking with his hands, you knew he only acted like that when he was pissed, but you were not going to have any of this petty behavior. For all his bull and bluster about being a feminist, he’s going to pull this shit on you? His job is great and not stressful or busy but when it comes to you he’s going to pull the overworking card? When he literally collapsed during rehearsal last week and hid it from you? You were livid.

“You’re going to talk to me about overworking?” You laughed sarcastically, your eyes burning. “Oh is it not the same thing because it's my job and not yours?”

“You know that’s not what I meant. Whatever. Fuck this. Enjoy writing your proposal!” Namjoon couldn’t argue anymore. He felt his anger rising to a point where he knew he was going to say something he regretted if he hadn’t already. Using his one remaining rational brain cell, he walked out of the room, not before maliciously slamming the door behind him.

“I will!” you screamed into the empty room, panting with anger as you picked up the water bottle on your desk and threw it across the room, tears in your eyes.

--------------------------------------

Y/N: Have you seen Namjoon? He’s not responding.

Yoongi: Isn’t he with you?

Y/N: No.

Yoongi: What happened?

Y/N: Nothing, we just had an argument and I haven’t seen him. It’s been two hours.

Yoongi: Okay don’t worry. We’ll find him.

Y/N: Thanks Yoongs

Yoongi: Where are you?

Yoongi: Hello?

Yoongi: Namjoon. Answer your phone.

Yoongi: Y/N is really worried about you

Yoongi: Listen Namjoon if you don’t answer in the next five minutes, I’m reporting you missing

Yoongi: Enjoy that press

Namjoon: Stop calling me. I’m fine.

Yoongi: No. Where the fuck are you?

Namjoon: I’m just on the roof.

Namjoon: Please don’t come here. I just want to be alone.

Yoongi: Are you okay? Y/N told me you guys had a fight

Namjoon: I’ll be fine. Don’t tell her where I am.

Yoongi: Okay. Text me if you need a friend.

Namjoon: Thanks hyung.

Yoongi: He’s on the roof. He said he’s fine, but not to tell you.

Y/N: Thanks friend

Yoongi: You should go find him

Y/N: He doesn’t want me, there he made that clear

Yoongi: I’ve known him and lived with him for a decade, trust me. He needs you.

Y/N: Okay, but if we break up it’s on you.

Yoongi: Just go find him Y/N.

--------------------------------------

Namjoon rubbed his face as he sat on the rooftop of the hotel, his back against the railing. Replying to Yoongi he tossed his phone aside. He’d been sitting here for the past couple of hours his anger dissipating into guilt far too quick. Dried tears streaked his face as he tried to gather the courage to go back to the room.

He was scared. The image of your angry face as he dismissed your work popping in his head. He didn’t know why he did that. He respected what you did, but he felt like a hypocrite. All his exes he dismissed when they asked him to take care of himself and not overwork. All the times they came to his studio to force him to leave, only to have the same look of anger that you gave him. He laughed bitterly as he pulled his legs to his chest.

At the edge of the guilt, he could feel it again, the same feeling he’d had since the comeback started, a sort of brain slush. Like a haze shackling him in place. He had felt it many times before but it was never this strong, this force of unproductivity, making him want to forget everything and hide. The stress of this comeback wasn’t any different than other ones. He always made it a priority to write new music in between promotions and shows but his creative block from four months ago was back and nastier. He could feel it gnaw at his neurons, forcing him to stay awake for hours after he should be in bed staring at a blank Ableton file. Usually, he could trick his mind out of this fog by working harder, but lately, it was like it was getting thicker seeping into every aspect of his life, painting his vision sepia, making every movement robotic.

He remembers when encouraging messages from ARMY would make him happy, excited to make more music for them but nowadays it just made him feel guilty. He wasn’t doing enough for them, he couldn’t even string together a series of 808s without it sounding like a gimmick or worse like plagiarism. Last week he had fucked up so bad that his body shook from the memory. He had stayed up all night in some sick form of self-harm, scrolling through hate comments on Twitter then Reddit. He was never sadder to know multiple languages because even if the characters were different the messages were the same. He was a shitty musician, too overhyped by fans, his awards were bought by his company, his dances sucked, he tried too hard, and of course that he was too ugly to be an idol. His rational side would argue that these messages were meant to hurt him, his friends and you would comfort him by telling him they were lies, but he never told anyone about this habit, and his rational side often lost out. If anyone asked why he did this he would say to fuel another song, but he knew the real reason - he just couldn’t stop. So he stayed up all night till his eyes were dry and scratchy from staring at the screen, and had three espresso shots before the show even though he hated espresso, his body eventually giving out during rehearsals. He got quite a few lectures about that. A leader’s job is to set a good example. You have been doing this for so long, be a professional play in your limits. But there were no limits, not when it literally took a mantra of just “power through it” to get out of bed and shower.

He had been hoping this weekend would solve everything - that seeing you would solve everything. As he sat on the roof, the first few drops of rain falling on him, he curled in further into himself. It wasn’t your responsibility to make him happy, clear the fog, but you had done it the first day. His mind felt clear but it was gone too soon. He didn’t know when it happened but he could see it after a while that you didn’t feel the same way he did. You didn’t crave to be next to him like he did, speaking affirmations in his ear as he did in yours. Hell, even when you saw his ex for the first time, you barely reacted. Maybe it was the way you were so adamant that he not leave any marks because you might not be able to cover them this weekend, or the way you made sure to not sit next to him at the gala even when you were seated on the same table by some stroke of luck. You didn’t love him like he did, and he would be happy with scraps, but he couldn’t afford to miss you more than he did. He laughed again, cackling maniacally, as he realized where he was: a rooftop in the middle of a downpour, just because you once said rooftops had magical healing powers. There was nothing healing about being alone looking at lights shining in offices no one was in - it was lonely.

He was so desperate to feel anything other than this fog that even anger was a better option. Maybe he wanted you to put him out of his misery, leave him as he was sure you would eventually before he burdened you with more of his fucked up life before he relied on you further just to have his legs cut out from under him. He sighed, shivering even though the rain was warm, resting his head on his knees. Could he survive if you left him tonight, justly so?

“Joon…?” You call out as you reach the rooftop, searching for him through the rain.

“I told hyung not to tell you. I wanna be alone” You barely hear him mumble from the corner and you make your way over to the dark figure. He’s hunched in on himself, his arms around his knees, his face in his hands and it breaks your heart. Your boyfriend is a tall, broad man who can easily throw you across the room if he wants to, but at this moment, he looks small, almost tiny. It takes everything in you to not just go and wrap him in your arms.

“Namjoon, what are you doing?” You squat in front of him, resting your hands on his arms. You wouldn’t usually push him like this when he seems distraught, you knew he didn’t respond too well to direct conflict but you needed him to let you in, your inherent need to fix going into hyperdrive. When he refuses to look at you, you cup his face and pull it up firmly to look into his eyes. He looks like he’s been crying and it makes your eyes well up. “Look at me. Why are you driving me away?”

With nowhere to run, all he can see is your face, your eyes puffy, red-rimmed and glassy, your nose a dusty pink. He made you cry. He made the person he was supposed to take care of cry because he got pissy over something she couldn’t control, something he was guilty of as well. All his guilt bit at his chest again and he hated himself. You didn’t deserve this. You should leave him. Why were you here in the rain trying to comfort him when he was such a useless asshole?

“Fuck... I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” His voice sounded hoarse and broken, and he knew all the apologies in the world wouldn’t make him worthy of forgiveness. He wished you’d just leave and let him wallow in the rain by himself - he deserved that. Tears filled his eyes and he hoped the rain would ensure they were invisible.

“Hey, hey. Baby, it’s okay.” You kissed him on the forehead, settling on your knees in front of him. His eyes were wide as he looked at you, his hands on top of yours, gripping your hands a little too tight.

“I… don’t know why I picked a fight.” He averted his gaze, not having the courage to look at you.

“It’s okay.” You move your hands to the back of his neck as he places his on your shoulders, opening his legs wide enough for you to move closer, your forehead against his as you caress the hair on his nape.

“No, it’s not. Fuck! It’s like when I saw you yesterday I could finally breathe! I’ve felt so numb these few months but when I saw you, it’s like I could finally be happy.” He cups your face. He knows he needs to be honest but he doesn't know where to start.

“Joonie…”

“And then I could feel it escape again. I felt it. My head getting cloudy like I was slowly going underwater, and I don’t know… I just… I can’t ask you to be responsible for my happiness. It’s not fair to you. I can’t. I can’t.” He knows he’s not making any sense but his chest feels tight and he can’t fight his tears anymore as they mix with the raindrops on his cheeks. He can feel himself hyperventilating. He doesn’t know why he can’t tell you this without breaking down. What was wrong with him? Maybe that’s why you didn’t love him. Maybe that’s why you never got jealous because you knew he wasn’t worth it. How could he support you when he could barely stand by himself. He was so fucked up.

“Joonie. It’s okay. Just breathe, okay? You’re okay.” You cradle his head against your chest, kissing the top of his head.

“I can’t lose you Y/N. I can’t be the jealous idiot that I always am and lose you.” He’s clawing at your sweater, pulling you closer than you are, making your eyes well up at his desperation. Why does he think he’s going to lose you? As far as you knew you had never given him any indication of that. You loved him and you couldn’t imagine a future without him.

“Namjoon. Look at me. It’s going to take more than a stupid fight to drive me away.” You pull his face away from your sweater and hold his gaze, his eyes red and still full of tears. The image breaks your heart but you hope you can convey your honesty to him.

“No, but you shouldn’t be with me. I’m fucked up, you know. You deserve better.” His actions speak otherwise as he holds your upper arms in both his hands tight enough to bruise as if you would disappear if he let go.

“Where is this coming from? Namjoon you’re not fucked up, you’re human. I don’t care how fucked up you think you are. I love you.” You look deep into his eyes, urging him to believe you. You had been trying to tell him you loved him all day but you always chickened out, but not now. You needed him to know that you were here for him. You were dying to know what started this, why he felt this way, but you needed him to realize that you had no plans of leaving.

“You… love me?” His voice was almost inaudible as his bottom lip quivered.

“Of course I love you. I love you - good parts and bad parts. I love 100% of you.” You kissed him gently, wiping at his face with your thumbs.

“Why?”

“Cause you’re you. You make me happy, even when you make me mad you make me happy.” You put your forehead against his again as the rain picked up, pelting the both of you. “Just don’t run away from me, please?”

“I don't deserve you. Fuck. I love you so much it scares me.” He kisses you at that, rough and full of yearning. It’s like the first kiss you shared this weekend and it makes your heart ache. Did he feel this way when he saw you again yesterday? Like he didn’t deserve you? You wished you could go into his head and learn all his worries - this did not seem like only work stress to you.

“Hey. I’m scared too okay? It just means it’s real.”

“How do you do that? How do you sound so sure all the time?” His head is on your shoulder as you caress his hair. It seems as if all the energy has been drained from his body as his grip on you loosens and you feel his weight lean on you.

“Because I believe in us. We’re Rapmon hyung and Y/N noona. We’re OTP, remember?” You lift his face and smile at him as he musters a small one of his own, as you kiss him again. “Let’s get out of the rain, okay baby?”

You both are drenched from the rain when you get back to your room, and you lead Namjoon to the bathroom. He just stands there, eyes glassy as you start a bath and grab a towel, drying the rain on his body. Once the bath is full and bubbly, you undress him and guide him in, discarding your own own clothes before climbing in behind him.

“I always sit behind you when we bathe.” He says, voice barely audible.

“Let me wash your hair, is that okay?” you say tentatively, kissing the back of his neck as he nods.

Suddenly, his head snaps up as he speaks loudly, a slight panic in his voice. “I have to use the special shampoo so the colour doesn’t fade.”

“Yeah. I have it right here.” You smile as he relaxes and you foam the shampoo on his pink hair, massaging his scalp gently. You take your time, washing it out before moving onto the conditioner, letting it sit as you massage his shoulders. You hear him sniff as you work at the knots. As you’re washing the conditioner off his hair, he turns at the waist, bringing one hand to your cheek as he looks at you. You realize he was still crying as your own eyes threaten to fill with tears.

“Thank you, Y/N. I… I know I don’t deserve this. Thank you.”

“Shh… I love you Joonie. You deserve this and more.” You kiss him gently on each cheek and then on the lips. You are not sure how to make him believe this but you hope he can see how much you love him as you wipe his tears. Namjoon’s never been this vulnerable with you, never given up this much control, and if you’re being honest it scares you seeing him this way. In a way, you feel helpless. You’re a fixer and there’s just no immediate way to make him feel better, you just have to make sure he knows you’re here for him.

After you get dressed, he lays in bed as you do his skincare routine for him, running your fingers over his face gently. Namjoon hasn’t felt this way with someone before, so raw but soothed at the same time. He never shows his negative emotions to anyone. Right now it feels like his emotions are a livewire, but the way you gently tap the serums on to his skin, making sure not to miss a spot, he realizes how wrong he was. All the ways he convinced himself you didn’t love him were wrong. You don’t show love through jealousy or possession or even words. This is how you show love - in the quiet of your room making sure that he doesn’t go to sleep drenched from the rain, or skip his eye cream so his eyes aren't too puffy in the morning or at breakfast when you always cut the crust off his bread because he once mentioned he doesn’t like it. He opens his eyes as you say all done and sees you smiling softly at him, some of his confidence coming back. He smiles at you even though it’s difficult, and pulls you to his chest. As you lay on his bare chest for a while, feeling how tightly his arms wrap around you, an idea pops into your head.

“I want to come with you to LA.” You usually don’t make such impulsive decisions, but you could feel that he was not ready to be separated and you were definitely not ready to leave him, but you didn’t want to make him feel like he didn't have a choice so you add, “Is that okay?”

“What about your work?” He asks softly and you can hear his heart beat faster as he awaits an answer.

“I work from home all the time. It’ll be fine.” You rise up slightly to look at him, your chin resting on his chest, making sure to look him in the eyes. “I want to be with you.”

For the first time that night, you see him smile wide enough that his dimples poke through his cheeks and you’re sure you’ve made the right decision.

“I love you, Y/N. Thank you.” He pulls you further so you are fully lying on top of him and as you tell him you love him again, you feel his breath even out, both of you falling into a much need sleep.

-------------

previous | masterlist | next

#bts fanfic #bts fic #bts x reader #bts rm scenario #rm x reader #rm fluff #rm smut #namjoon x reader #namjoon x you #namjoon fluff #bts namjoon #namjoon #namjoon smut #bts smut #bts fluff #bts namjoon scenario

159 notes · View notes

pissacake · 4 years ago

Text

Javier as your closest friend in the gang

My first ever hc of Javier! I just started stanning this man so it took me a while to come up with all this. Kinda wanted this to help me explore more qualities of him bc I'm having a tough time writing him too <\3 Enjoy!

Javier is normally quiet and reserved, especially for most people in the gang. But he's a completely different person around you.

He's more laid back and more comfortable in your company. He simply loves that he can be his true self in your presence without it being a huge deal or him being punished about finally "loosening up" for once. He appreciates that he can strike up a conversation with you anytime, without feeling like he's oversharing.

Sometimes he will approach you just to check up on you. If you have any errands to run, people to rob, he will gladly join if you let him. He will show up.

Sometimes he'll be the one to ask you to accompany him himself and you'd be one of his first options besides Arthur, John or Bill.

Before returning to camp, especially after you just accompanied him to run some decent errands, he'll be certain to treat you with a drink or with a meal, and Javier will insist upon it. Its his simple way of saying thank you.

Javier doesn't do it for anyone else, even if he's indebted to them. He could return favors in a lot of other ways, but this is his thing with you.

Javier appreciates that you don't have to fill silences when you're with him. He also loves that you can fend for yourself and you've always given a ton of effort, big or small to help the gang make money and the camp be kept proper.

Most people in the gang definitely don't get to experience his playful side as much as you do. If he's in a good mood, he'll be pretty cheeky around you just to tease.

"Como esta, calabaza?"

Literally translates to "What's up, pumpkin?", and he'd find it a shame you don't have much reaction to it.

"Have you never heard of a rhyme joke in your life before? Ay, you're no fun."

Its always a dumb joke after another and his dumbass will laugh at them like they're the most hilarious thing.

"What does a cowboy call his daughter?"

"Stop being a clown, Javier. I swear I'll–"

"!Hiiiiijaaaaa!"

Best believe his smile or his giggle will be contagious though.

He will be pointing at you as you stifle a grin or hold back a laugh and Javier will crack up even more just to lead you on.

It will be impossible not to notice his change of demeanor when goofing around with you. So others from the gang would feel slightly different that they don't get to experience that side of Javier. When Uncle brought it up in the campfire saying he wished Javier bonded with him like that as well, the latter would walk out every time, only finding more reason not to open himself up to the others.

He would come up to you sometimes to ask if you have some free time just so he could share some new melodies he came up with in his guitar.

Since he's mostly in a writer's block however, the two of you would end up just naming the melodies instead of coming up with lyrics to go along with them. He'd come up with personal ones that mostly relate to himself. Something descriptive like "Exiled for love" , "Sound of the war"

You'd come up with something simple and easier to remember.

Sometimes, your suggestions would make him feel insecure because of how easy you could come up with them, and at the same time how they accurately fit the feel of the melody.

He'd hear your suggestion and a part of him would wish you didn't have to hear his idea. He will be very impressed by you.

Javier is also a good friend to be around especially when you need to unload your mind. If you had a hard day or you're feeling really sentimental, he'll be there.

Usually he would ask you to ride out with him so you can have a chat while on your horses. He will be certain to take you somewhere quiet enough where no one can end up eavesdropping or disturbing your moment.

He won't always know what to say but he's a good listener. Javier will stay quiet and react. If you need his advice, he will be honest with you.

He has an attitude of looking at the bigger picture of things. He'd most likely suggest for you to do the same sometimes, and look at the positive aspect in an otherwise negative situation. He's very hopeful but won't force positivity on anyone. If need be, he'll allow you to sulk, be lonely or frustrated. He won't leave you alone with your worries. He'll acknowledge them.

Conversations with him are always light and though he could be blunt when necessary, he manages to speak his mind without offending you maliciously.

Javier does become apathetic if you're being stubborn though, or if you'd act like a victim instead of facing consequences of your actions. Not facing accountability whenever you fuck up will tire him out. He won't want to hear shit if its the same thing over and over again.

#also quite tired of the fact that all ppl know abt him is that hes good at fishing lol #and being vain and playing guitar #javier escuella x gn!reader #javier escuella #red dead redemption 2 #red dead redemption 2 headcanon #my writing #javier escuella headcanon

49 notes · View notes

surveys-at-your-service · 3 years ago

Text

Survey #445

“you’ve got a lot of nerve, but not a lot of spine”

Have you ever created a fake internet persona for yourself? No. Do you enjoy going to weddings or showers? What is it that you like or dislike about them? Not... really. They're triggering for me. And I don't use "trigger" lightly. They legitimately, deeply affect me. It's part of the reason I've lost a lot of interest in being a wedding photographer. Is there a person in your life whom you support by showing up for the sports games, concerts, or other performances? This question, uh... sucks. Because I'm that awful aunt that doesn't go to her nephew's t-ball games while everyone else does. It's the heat that does it, but still... it shouldn't. How many video games do you have? A lot. We have a big case of them. Why did you take the last pill you took? My heartburn is especially awful today. Has a girl ever stayed up with you all night? A guy? A girl, uhhh... maybe? Idk. A guy, yeah. Do you think guys look good with makeup? Hell yeah. How long would you wait to become sexually active with someone you’re dating? That would just depend on how quickly we deeply bond in a relationship. I wouldn't go that far before I knew I was in love with them, though, so it definitely wouldn't be quick. Do you enjoy a good debate or prefer keeping the peace? klasd;jkla;jfklwdj I HATE confrontation, so I strongly prefer to keep that peace. Debates rarely ever stay civil, anyway. Can you ever see yourself and your ex back together? One, easily. The other... I wish. But it won't ever happen because I fucked that relationship up way too much. Are you thinking about anything that’s upsetting right now? Yeah. My PTSD is being really bothersome. Would you ever want to ride in a canoe? Yeah, sounds fun and peaceful. So long as I'm not rowing, ha ha. When did you last see an attractive member of your preferred sex? Did you speak to them? Do you think you’ll see them again? Two days ago. Yeah, 'cuz he was my personal trainer. I don't plan on quitting the gym, so I'll probably see him around there now and again. Have you ever tasted baby food? How about pet food? Save for when I was a baby, obviously, no. I once tried a guinea pig yogurt treat, ha ha. How many times have you had your heart broken? Once romantically, twice overall. Actually, no, four. Quite a jump, I know, but Teddy and Jason's mom both dying was nothing short of heartbreaking. Think of the person you fell hardest for. How many people has he/she been in love with, besides you? One, before me. I don't know about since. Find 5 people on your Facebook friends list, whose names begin with K. Who are these people, and how did you meet them? Katherine: an online friend. We met on YouTube. Kim: she's my stepmom. I met her through my dad, obviously. Kelly: a high school friend. We met in art class. Katelynn: was Jason's old friend's former girlfriend. We met through said friend when we all hung out together. Kieley: she's the wife of who I call my "big bro," a close gaming friend. We met through Sam, the aforementioned friend. Sometimes do you wish you lived in a fantasy world? Yeah, who doesn't? What would you say if the ex who hurt you the most told you they hated you? "I don't blame you" or something to that effect. Have any of your friends dated an ex/previous crush of yours? I don't think it's accurate to call her my "friend," but Jason's first girlfriend and I are friends on Facebook. I'd love to get to know her better and actually be *real* friends. One word to describe the last person you kissed? Strong. Has anyone ever cheated on their boyfriend/girlfriend with you? You could say that. Does your hair have layers? No, not anymore. Who was the last person you cried in front of? My mom. Have you done something recently that helped someone else, in any way? I don't know. Which Disney princess do you think is the most beautiful? Why? Probably Jasmine. I just think she's really pretty. If you’ve had a bad experience in a past relationship, did you find that you were scared to get into another relationship, in case the same thing happened again? I'm terrified to this day to start new romantic relationships. I had so many panic attacks about losing Sara when we first started dating. If you were going to buy a present for the person you love/like, what would you generally choose? Absolutely something Frieza-related. If you met the celebrity that you most admire, what would be the first thing you’d say to him/her? Probably just "oh my god, thank you" and start crying lmao. Is there something you generally always ask for help with? I'm sure there's something, yeah. When was the last time you cried? Today. Do you like sausage? Yep. Ever held a newborn animal? Kittens, yes. Do you know anyone with a dual citizenship? Uhhhh maybe? Have you been called a bad influence? Yeah. Like she had ANY room to talk. Do you get stage fright? Yes. Would you be excited or annoyed if your favorite book was being made into a movie? Both of my favorite books are also movies, and they're wonderful. Do you need structure in your life or do you prefer to just go with the flow? I require structure, for sure. Without it, my anxiety goes rampant. Change is something I do not cope with well. Post a picture of you from one year ago. No. Have you ever written a fan letter? If so, who was it to and did you receive a response? No. What trait(s) would you not want your children to inherit from you? My mental illnesses, primarily depression. I have A LOT of reasons for not wanting kids, and my poor genetic makeup is even one of them. I don't want to pass on all the shit I deal with. What is the worst place you’ve woken up? Waking up in a shitty bed at the ER while waiting to be transferred was never one of my favorite things... Are you the type of person who has to study to make good grades or does it just come naturally to you? Aha... I was lucky in that once I heard something in school, it had a tendency to stick. I didn't need to study very much at all - usually. When on YouTube, what types of videos do you mainly watch? Mostly let's plays. What was the last conversation you had with someone about? Sara and I were kinda fangirling over how cute Maieykio and Rumours are, ha ha. Do you have any currency that’s not your native country’s? No. Can you describe your father in one word? Complex. Do you still watch movies intended for children? Yeah. Hell, I probably tend to prefer them. Who is your favorite stand-up comedian? That's living, probably Gabriel Iglesias. What is your strangest phobia? Probably whale sharks. Which part of your state/province do you live in [upper,lower,middle]? I live on the eastern side. Who in your life can you count on the most? My mama. Would you rather eat your pizza cold or hot? It depends on what I'm up for. Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? No, I'm not a fan. Last thing you drank? Pink lemonade. Have you ever thought you were going to marry someone? Sure did. The belief was clearly mutual. But I ruined that. Who are your favorite people to talk to when you’re down? Sara or my mom. Have you ever thought you liked someone, and then found out that you really didn’t? See: Girt. Describe the last dream you had that you can remember. It was actually... really fucked up, so the squeamish beware. I don't remember the details, just the shocking part: a little bird flew into me, and I thought it was a bug, so I crushed it in my hand. Heard and felt the bones break and it was just... ugh. It's nauseating to recall. I'm sick and tired of dreaming of only awful things. Any current family issues? Not any big ones that include everyone. The only "issue" that really exists in my family is how my mom feels like Ashley (my older sister) avoids her, and therefore Mom doesn't see the kids nearly as much as she wants. She feels very overlooked. Whose room of the opposite sex were you in last? When? Uhhh, probably my nephew's? Sometime when I visited my sister's house, idk. The last movie you watched with a friend? Elf, I think. Have you ever played with fire? Uh no, because I'm not keen on being burned. What industry do you want to be a part of when you’re older? Art, in some form. Who do you usually text the most? Since Sara and I started chatting mainly on Discord, definitely my mom. Have you ever been surprised with breakfast in bed? No. Llamas or sheep? Sheep. Have you ever seen anyone famous in the street? No. When do you plan on moving out? Whenever I'm in a long-term, stable, happy, and healthy relationship. I really don't at all think it would be healthy for me to live on my own. What’re you going to be for Halloween? I'd actually love to dress up this year seeing as I've really been feeling the holidays, but the money to like... make a recognizable costume isn't really with us. So I'll ust answer as if I had it, in which case it would be a handmaid from The Handmaid's Tale, but with fake blood splattered over my stomach region. Will you buy a cake for your next birthday? We always do for b-days. Do you like brownies? BITCH I love brownies. Have you ever dressed up as a witch on Halloween? Yeah, as a kiddo. Have you ever been to a masquerade? No. Do any girls like the last guy you kissed? Maybe, I don't know. Do you have a second mom? I have a stepmom, if that's what you mean. When a bee is coming close to you, do you stand still or run away? Ngl, I gtfo. Do you ever hang out with someone of the opposite sex? I haven't hung out with Girt in around a year. Really need to change that. When you go out to eat, what sides do your order with your food? Fries. What is your winter coat like? ... I actually don't know if I have one? Did you do well at fitness testing in grade school? I did fine. Are art museums interesting or boring to you? Interesting. Inspiring, even. Do you know how to use an ATM? ... No. :x How about write a check? uhhhhhhhhhhh... Are you Italian? Not to my knowledge, no. We don't know my dad's heritage. When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings? I commented on one of my sister's Facebook posts earlier. Are you interested in photography at all? Very much so. Do you own an acoustic guitar? I don't believe so? Ashley had one when she was waaaay younger, but I haven't seen it in forever. I think Dad might have it. Can you talk to your parents about anything without them judging or bickering at you? Because you said "bickering," no. Mom knows how to pick fights on a lot of things... Who was the last person you took pictures with? My sister when she came to visit a few months ago. What is the wallpaper on your best friend's cell phone? I'd be willing to bet it's either her and Jem or Frieza. Do you melt butter to put on your popcorn? No. We get the movie theater butter kind. Do you consider flirting cheating? Sure do. Have you ever been on probation? No. What is normally on your Christmas list (if you celebrate it)? A tattoo and meerkat stuff. Do you like KoRn? They're one of my favorites! When you were little, did you pick up worms? Do you pick worms up now? Ha, I did. I would sometimes dig just to look for them, especially if I knew Dad was going to take me fishing later that day. I don't like touching worms nowadays. Would you ever go see a stand-up comedian? Yeah, I think it would be fun. Do you have any best friends that you only know online? BEST friends, not current ones, anyway. I've met my current best friend. Have you ever gotten into a physical fight? Nope. Do you have a problem with swearing? No. What do you do when you see a spider? My reactions vary. If it's a tiny little thing, I tend to ignore it. In most cases, admittedly, I get my mom to come kill it. :x I really, really want to get on a level where I can just cup the spider and take it outside. I want a few types of spiders one day (tarantulas, jumping, and velvet), after all, so I really should get used to interacting with them. I know in my gut they're nowhere near as dangerous and scary as your head makes them seem, but it's so instilled in you (most "you"s, anyway) from a young age to stay away from spiders, so it's fighting almost like instinct. Do you have big dreams? Meh... When is your father’s birthday? Sometime in April. The 16th, I think? Maybe. Are you interested in anime? Yeah. They can have some great stories. Do you eat three meals a day? Most days. Are you part German? German and Irish make up most of my heritage, yes. Do you dream of being a porn star? Uh, I can confidently say no. Have you ever been on a farm? I have. What is your favorite type of muffin? Blueberry, I think. I like the moisture it adds to the muffin. What is the last type of salad that you ate? Just your normal one with iceberg lettuce and ranch. What do you usually put on your waffles? A layer of peanut butter and then some syrup. You NEED to try it. Would you rather have a cottage on the beach or in a forest? A forest! Name all the people that you talked to today. Online, through texts and in person. Mom and Misty are all, I think. Do you know a schizophrenic person? My half-sister. Did you ever watch Sailor Moon? If so, who is your favorite? I did. I don't think I had a favorite character. Name the last 3 people you kissed and list one nice thing about each one. Sara: she's very loyal. Girt: he's funny as hell. Tyler: he, uh, cares a lot, I guess? When was the last time you felt EXTREMELY depressed? Why is that? Yesterday, actually. I was passively suicidal just over... a lot of things. Would you ever dye your hair pink? I want pastel pink hair anyway.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''true friends'' by bring me the horizon

1 note · View note

laceymorganwrites · 5 years ago

Text

Nightmares

Word Count: 1,333

Pairing: Dazai x reader

Warnings: blood

A/N: Dazai is a character I´m very insecure About writing because I never get it Right, but I still hope you like it!

Dazai was a weird man, nobody could deny that. But when he approached you, stating he wanted to do a double suicide with you, he caught your interest to say at least.

You gave him the number of a therapist, saying he should get help and that you didn´t want him to kill himself.

This reaction was completely new to him, never had a stranger cared about him to that extent.

Hell, not even his colleagues would stop him from killing himself.

Not that Dazai would want that…

Okay, maybe he did. Yes, maybe he did want someone to care about him so much that they wanted him to stay alive. Was that really too much to ask for?

Well, it kind of was.

With all his dark deeds in the mafia he couldn´t possibly ask for kindness and caring.

Dazai asked himself if his wish for a quiet and clean death was too much as well and came to the conclusion that it was.

Why should someone as evil as him get an easy death? Someone who did the things Dazai did should suffer for all eternity and stay alive, they should be eaten by their guilt and gruesome deeds.

Death was just the easy way out.

Dazai decided to seek you out again, you made him feel better about himself.

Yes, he didn´t tell you anything about himself and was only around when he needed you to praise him. You were just a distraction from the darkness in his mind, at least in the beginning.

Dazai avoided sleep at all costs, his memories and the guilt took control over him when he closed his eyes.

But on this particular day his sleep deprivation got the best of him and he decided to stay over at your place.

This was when you were together for about six months, you were wondering how you´d tell Dazai you loved him while he struggled with getting closer to you and opening himself up.

Sharing a bed with you, staying over and actually sleeping with you around was a big step for Dazai.

He couldn´t deny that he fell asleep faster with you around, he had yet to decide whether that was a good thing or not.

As soon as he closed his eyes pictures of blood flashed before his eyes, Dazai could smell it.

He could see the corpses and destruction, feel the wind of attacks missing him and the fear in his opponents, hear the agonizing screams and cries as well as the shots, smell the blood and sweat…

The scenery changed to a dead Odasaku at his feet while he was holding the gun that killed him.

The blood was still fresh and Dazai felt as if he was reliving everything.

His bandages began to crawl up his throat and squeezed until he couldn´t breathe anymore, his hands were more than just stained with the blood of his best friend.

He could taste the guilt all over again and even thought it didn´t happen like it was depicted in his nightmare, it was an awfully painfully accurate representation of what he felt on that fateful day.

It was your voice that got him back from this horrible reliving of the worst day of his life.

You had felt Dazai toss and turn in his sleep, you realized quickly that he was having a nightmare as you were suffering from them as well.

Gently touching his shoulder, you softly called out his name, trying to wake him.

And when he awoke he looked at you like a frightened child, your heart sunk to your knees as you saw his pained expression.

You followed your instincts and pulled Dazai closer in a hug, holding him tightly, showing him you were there and it was going to be okay.

Both of you said nothing for a while. Dazai was embarrassed that you had to see he had a nightmare, yet he felt so safe with you. Comfort like this wasn´t something he was used to, but it was something that made a warmth spread in his chest.

He clung to you, resting his head in the crook of your neck, he was shaking you noticed.

It took a while before someone said something, you felt silly for thinking about the perfect opportunity to confess your love to him when Dazai was suffering like this.

In the end Dazai was the first one to raise his voice.

“Thank you...” he whispered against your skin, barely audible.

“Of course… do you want to talk about it?” you pulled away from the hug and gently caressed his face in the palm of your hand.

You´ve never seen Dazai so vulnerable, he never let you, this was a big step for him.

He never thought he would ever find someone who could love him, he never thought he would let himself be open to feel things again, but yet here he was.

You came into his life and tore down his walls like no tomorrow, they were down before Dazai even noticed the first crack.

With shaking hands and trembling voice he told you about what happened that day, about the guilt he felt, about his fears.

Dazai didn´t know why he did it, but he knew that he could trust you, he knew you wouldn´t turn your back on him or hate him, at least he hoped so.

You listened to him, knowing how much it meant to Dazai that he told you those things.

You were unsure if your relationship meant anything to him at all.

“Please don´t ever leave…” he husked in your ear, it was as much as a plead to you as a promise of his. He was serious about this.

“I won´t, silly” you reassured him, placing a soft kiss on his cheek.

He smiled at you in awe, thinking about how lucky he was to have you.

“Let´s go back to bed” you said, kissing him on the lips.

Dazai nodded, lying back down and when you thought he was asleep you whispered: “I love you”.

He smiled to himself before he said it back.

The next times Dazai slept over, you always stayed up, making sure to comfort him when he had a nightmare.

You felt bad for having nightmares yourself, selfish almost.

One night Dazai was out on a mission late, you were already asleep when he came home and laid next to you in bed.

He heard you whimpering and felt you trembling, were you crying? Dazai realized that you were asleep and having a nightmare and shook you awake gently.

“It´s okay, I´m here” he let you know, holding you close, cradling your back.

It took a while until you calmed down and the night terrors were over, but when they finally were you wrapped your arms around Dazai and took in his scent.

You were safe now.

“Why didn´t you tell me?” he asked you when you calmed down.

You looked sideways in embarrassment.

“I didn´t want to bother you…” you admitted.

“You´re never bothering me, (Y/N). I was worried about you” he took your hand in his own and gently caressed it.

“I know, I´m sorry, I should´ve told you. But it´s not that big of a deal…” you tried to play it down.

“What are you talking about? I know exactly what big deal nightmares are, you shouldn´t make them out to be less. But I´m here for you, I´ll always wake you up and make you feel better, okay?” he smiled and you nodded.

“Dazai? Can you stay up with me? I´m scared to go back to sleep” you asked and he agreed.

Staying up would become your little tradition whenever one of you had a really bad dream, you would talk through the night sometimes, other times you´d cuddle all night and even other times you would eat and read to each other. Whatever came to your mind to make the nightmares go away.

#bungo stray dogs imagine #bungo stray dogs #bungo stray dogs oneshot #bsd #bsd imagine #bsd oneshot #bungo stray dogs dazai #bsd dazai #dazai #dazai osamu #imagine #oneshot #anime #anime imagine #anime oneshot #dazai x reader

379 notes · View notes

bearsfakedthemoonlanding · 4 years ago

Text

Coming Out Update

[CW: coming out, unsupportive families, transphobia]

I haven’t actually talked about it yet! Was distracting myself from the whole ordeal by burrowing down in religious trauma. Thanks, Pastor K. Great, existential distraction.

So here’s the in-and-out.

I’m twenty-three and live on my own in New Orleans, far away from my family. I moved down here in June and started testosterone in July. I didn’t tell anyone from back home what I was doing, and when I came out to a few trusted people, it was still a closely guarded secret from my parents.

Knowing I had to tell them eventually, and that I might change a bit too much by Christmas to keep it a secret, I decided to come out to them. I wrote them a letter-- I’m too far away to come out in person, and that wouldn’t have been safe. Coming out over the phone felt insensitive, and my parents don’t have good enough internet connection or tech. know-how to manage a video chat. So, letter it was.

It was not graciously received, to put it delicately.

My mom reached out pretty quickly, texting me a few questions about what I was doing. Was I using a doctor. Did I do the research. Am I shaving yet.

Then, she sent me a dozen or so big ole paragraphs of heartbreak.

This continued for several days, until one evening she reached out over the phone. That first conversation was hard. She doesn’t understand what I’m doing, she thinks it’s stupid and dangerous, and that I’m making some monumental mistake. She doesn’t understand why I can’t just be a “strong woman.” I wish I had any concrete answer to why I am the way that I am, but the deeper I investigate it, the more I get wrapped up in “Gender Doesn’t Even Exist, Technically” and it’s just. A whole mess.

I can’t explain why I am this way, besides the fact that I KNOW I’m this way, y’know?

Whatever.

She also told me that my dad had declared me dead, took down every photo of me in the house, and was considering sending out funeral announcements.

He might not ever speak to me again.

Don’t come home for Christmas, he doesn’t want to see me.

That hit me pretty hard. It feels like a pretty disgusting betrayal, honestly, to know a person for their entire lifetime, to have big conversations with them, to get to know them, to have their feelings spelled out to you with ink and paper, and to say “No, I quit.”

I mourned for a few days. Listened to the song Heartache Medication on repeat, bought a bottle of Jack Daniel’s and couldn’t find the gumption to drink any of it. Slept a lot. Cried to one of my professors.

He’s changed his mind, allegedly. I’m not quite sure where I stand. But at my mother’s behest, I sent him a text message saying I’m ready to talk whenever he is, give me a call.

He did not respond, but he did send me a picture of a deer he shot and asked where he should mount the head.

Then, a week later, he calls me. We did not talk about it. We talked about his deer, and about my uncle who has covid, and about school and work and a problem with my apartment’s plumbing. I couldn’t bring myself to ask if he wanted to talk about it. He hung-up before I found the balls.

Mom says he’s not ready yet, but he’s reading things. She won’t tell me what he’s reading. I’m just hoping it’s not TERF ideology, or God forbid, Lutheran brainwash bullshit. I know he doesn’t get it. I desperately want him too, though, and I wish he’d just reach out to Me for information. If anyone’s gonna help him understand...

Anyways. My mom still calls me by my birthname, refers to me as “she/her” when mentioning her and my father’s conversations. On the other hand, she hasn’t referred to me as “her girl” or “beautiful” since I’ve told her. She agreed that I’ve been pretty gender fucky for a good while now, and that this isn’t the most unpredictable thing I could have done.

When I was little she had this astrology book that gave a personality analysis based on birth day. My assignment was “Day of the Curveball,” meaning I never do what I’m supposed to, I always do things my own way, and no matter what I’m going to catch you off guard with it. She referenced this book endlessly through my growing up, because it was pretty accurate. I was always rather difficult. I mentioned it to her, saying that God really designed me to catch her off guard, and it got a laugh out of her.

She reassures me that she loves me. She wants me to change my name from Joseph to Johann. I’m not going to. I’ve found a name that fits.

She tried putting Christmas back into my hands, but was rather relieved when I said it was best that I not come home yet. They’re not ready yet, and I don’t want to be in a place that’s gonna make this all harder for everyone. Kinda pisses me off that she shifted the responsibility of coming home for Christmas back onto me, after telling me not to come home and that they could not bear to look at me. Shitty thing to tell a person, but I’m not really in a position to be hurt over it. At least not verbally so.

Things are unfolding to be not so bad. They still love me, and they’re still talking to me. The bar is rather low. I listen to other trans people’s stories, about how hurt they are when their families won’t use their names or pronouns or proper words, and that hurt is entirely valid and real, I’m not taking that away from anyone. It’s just, the reality of my parents making any of those changes for me is pretty improbable. I don’t know how long it’s going to take. They might not ever come around.

She asked what I wanted for Christmas, and I said that if she sends a card I want her to refer to me as her son in it. You’d think I asked her to kill baby Jesus himself with the response I got.

In reflection, I’m content with the way I told them. There was no good way to tell them, and there was no possible good response on their end. It is what it is, and I’ve spoken my peace. I’m also glad with how I’ve gone about the whole thing-- waiting until I was older, doing it independently, putting that distance in place. It makes it easier to do this maturely and gracefully when I’m not still tied to the apron strings. The parental rejection has made me feel a hell of a lot like a child, but I’m glad to be able to do this without resorting to that fiery teenage temper. They need to know that this is an adult decision coming from their adult child, and there’s nothing they can do to change it.

I’m glad I waited until I was several months in to transitioning before telling them too, so they couldn’t think they could change my mind.

She didn’t even try and change my mind, which proves how well she knows me, honestly. She raised one hard-headed bastard. She knows this.

Love you, mom. And sorry.

#coming out #trans #trans man #trans guy #lgbt #queer #coming out to parents #coming out to family #coming out story

1 note · View note

elcorhamletlive · 6 years ago

Link

fandom: MCU (post-Endgame) ship: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Morgan Stark & Steve Rogers, Morgan Stark & Tony Stark tags: POV outsider, fluff, domestic

summary: Morgan doesn’t really know Captain America.

Morgan knows Mom and Dad are getting divorced way before they tell her.

To be fair, at first it was more of a guess – she noticed how their bickering grew less friendly with time, how Mom was travelling more, how Dad spent more time in the garage. Morgan didn’t say anything, though, because she could tell both of them didn’t want her to know – always pretending everything was fine when they knew she was looking – and she thought saying anything could potentially make things worse.

She had been hoping they were going to work it out together, for a while. Then, as the fights grew sharper, she started just hoping that they were going to work it out, period, because it felt like walking on eggshells sometimes, and that wasn’t a feeling she was used to.

So when they do sit down in her room, both of them sitting at each of her sides, holding her hands, Morgan already knows what they’re going to say.

She cries, a little. It’s stupid - Morgan knows several children in her class have divorced parents, and she’s a big girl now, she shouldn’t cry over silly things. But both Mom and Dad tell her it’s okay to cry, and they hug her and rub comforting circles over her back, and it helps, a little.

She tells them she doesn’t want to stop seeing Dad. They both hurry to assure her this isn’t going to happen. They explain to her the concept of shared custody, how it works, how they’re still friends and they both still love her very, very much; and nothing can change how they feel about her.

Morgan nods. She already knows this, too, but it’s nice to hear.

Morgan knows all of the Avengers by name, has since she was very, very little. She knows them from some of Dad’s stories, but mostly from interviews and newspaper stories on Dad (that he doesn’t know she searched for), from excited conversations with her classmates, and from a few comic books (Dad says none of them are accurate, but Morgan thinks they’re pretty fun anyway).

It takes her a while to know most of them personally. Eventually, though, she gets to it: Thor takes her flying whenever he’s around; Bruce makes some fun experiments with her in his lab; Clint brings Nathaniel to play with her. They all, at one point, tell her about Black Widow, the woman who inspired Nathaniel’s name – so Morgan feels like she knows her a little, too.

Morgan has never given it much thought, really. She knows they’re heroes and important people, but she has known them for too long to let this fact affect her.

So when Dad moves to the Avengers’ compound, Morgan is excited to go spend the week with him, but she isn’t really geeking out at the idea of living with the Avengers. She just wants to spend time with Dad.

And that’s what they do. Morgan spends the day hanging out with Dad – they watch movies and play games and he lets her change DUM-E’s circuit. It’s awesome.

By the end of the day, Morgan is pretty tired. She won’t admit it, though, because Dad promised to take her for ice cream, and she knows that if she doesn’t fall asleep, he will, because Dad always keeps his promises.

So Dad says okay, he just needs to take a shower, and Morgan nods and sits on the living room couch to wait for him.

That’s when Captain America shows up.

Morgan doesn’t really know Captain America. Technically, she has seen him before, when Mom asked her to save Dad from a conversation, and once when she was a baby, but neither of those times really count, because she didn’t speak to him.

So when he comes inside the living room, Morgan doesn’t know what to say.

He doesn’t say anything either. Instead, he walks inside with fast strides, his attention turned to a tablet in his hands. Morgan wants to say hi, but he doesn’t look at her, going straight to the couch and sitting down on the opposite corner to hers.

For a moment, they just stay there in silence. Captain America looks very serious, his brow furrowed, his tall back slightly crunched forward as he examines the tablet. Morgan feels torn, because she thinks it’s kind of rude to not say anything, but he seems to be working, and maybe interrupting is not a good idea. Mom hates when Morgan interrupts her work.

Eventually, though, it gets too awkward, so Morgan decides to break the ice by saying: “Hey, can I have the remote?”

Captain America jumps, head snapping towards her. His mouth drops open.

“Oh.” He says, blinking. He has very blue eyes that make Morgan think of Elena Preston’s puppy, that comes with her to class because she needs it. This helps Morgan smile at him. “I’m—I’m sorry, I. I didn’t realize you were here.”

“It’s okay,” Morgan says, nodding. She wants to ask for the remote again, but he’s still staring at her as if her being here is something really impressive.

“I. Uh,” he says. “I don’t think we’ve ever been properly introduced. I. I’m Steve.”

He waves, and it’s very, very awkward. He’s still looking at Morgan like she’s got two heads.

“Hi,” she replies, a little hesitant. “I’m Morgan.” Which you already know, she thinks. She doesn’t say it, though, in the hopes of not making everything even weirder.

“Uh. Yes, of course,” Captain America – Steve now, Morgan supposes– says. Then, almost by a miracle, he remembers her original request, and turns to fish out the remote from between two cushions. “Here!” He extends his hand to her.

“Thanks.” Morgan picks the remote up.

“You’re, uh. You’re welcome,” Steve still sounds a little flabbergasted. Morgan wonders if he’s sleepy. She gets a little silly when she’s sleepy. “Are, are you--?” He gestures aimlessly. “Are you going to watch TV?”

“Yeah,” Morgan says slowly. “That’s... why I wanted the remote.” Then, because he looks so uncomfortable she feels a little sorry for him, she adds: “I’m waiting for Dad to finish his shower. We’re going to get ice cream.”

“Oh.” He smiles. “That’s great.”

“Yeah,” Morgan says, happy because the conversation makes a little more sense. “I love ice cream, but I can’t eat a lot of it because I’m lactose intolerant.” There’s a pause, and she adds, helpfully: “That means I can’t digest lactose well, so milk makes my tummy hurt.”

“Oh,” he says. That’s something he really likes to say, Morgan thinks. “I get it. I… I used to be, too.”

Morgan grins. “I know. Dad showed me your movies.”

Steve raises his eyebrows, his eyes widening. “Uh. Really? He did?”

“Yup,” Morgan replies. To be honest, she fell asleep during a couple of them, but she decides to not mention that. “You were really small.”

He blinks, looking so much like Elena’s puppy that Morgan wishes she could take a picture to show her later. Then he smiles. “Yeah, I was.”

Morgan nods in agreement. She rarely gets to call other people small, so she appreciates the moment.

“I liked your song,” she says. She and Dad had spent a while humming it to each other while he drove her home, the night they watched the first film. “It was very catchy.”

“Thank you.” Steve smiles. It’s still a little weird, but Morgan kind of enjoys it. Adults are rarely awkward around her – they usually try extra hard to not be, so Morgan likes Steve a little just for not trying to pretend.

She smiles back, then turns to the TV. She turns it on and they watch part of a show about tigers, without speaking, until Dad finally shows up and Morgan stands up to leave.

“Bye, Steve,” she says, over her shoulder.

From the corner of her eye, she can see that Dad makes a weird expression, but she doesn’t really know what it means.

Steve waves. “Bye,” he says, his smile growing. “Nice to meet you.”

read the rest on ao3!

#stony #stevetony #superhusbands #morgan stark #stony fic #endgame #endgame spoilers #a4 spoilers #avengers 4 spoilers #avengers endgame #avengers: endgame #avengers endgame spoilers #avengers: endgame spoilers #ae spoilers #av:e spoilers #my fics

390 notes · View notes

seekthemist · 6 years ago

Note

adansey w/ 11 perhaps?

“I didn’t know you were so sensitive.”

ANON WHO ARE YOU, THIS IS THE MOST GALAXY-BRAIN PROMPT EVER!If you can’t tell, I adore this, and thus the fill it’s long. A lot of pining and build up, mostly under the cut. Watch out for references of canon abuse. Let me page @interropunct for this, as he was having a bit of a hard day.

Other Raven Cycle fills: Ronsey #29 ; Pynch #21

From this prompt list!

Gansey’s penchant for finding things came with the responsibility to look for them. For good measure, he had always subscribe to the policy of finders keepers, whenever applicable — and that, too, was a responsibility because you should never chase something you’re not willing to take care of after.

That was a rule for information, for things and for people — one that didn’t save him from the very human burden of having favourites.

For some of his findings he had found a new home, be it final and fulfilling of the overall purpose or a new temporary step to get the process rolling. Other, he kept with him, for the big picture or for a genuine attachment.

In this whole system, Adam fit weirdly, or — more accurately — refused to fit at all.

Gansey had found him, clicking with him in a way that definitely echoed a bigger fate. And yet he didn’t get to keep him, at all, no matter how much easier everything would be if Adam just let him. Rather, Gansey seem to be condemned to seeing Adam slip in and out of his grip, a constant exercise in finding and finding and insisting on not letting go completely.

Adam was at Monmouth now, final home to everything Gansey cared more about in the world, but he had already said, “Temporarily.”

“Just a few days, so that I can…” He had repeated, with the box of his scarce possessions Ronan had drove him to recover sitting on the floor, as precarious as him. The sentence trailed off into nothing, and it was infuriating to know how many unachievable things Adam wanted to fit in that just, in that few.

It was somewhat difficult to have him around like this — beaten, bruised, with damages that were likely to be permanent. Still, it was better than the alternative.

In the weird dance between Gansey’s need to care for what he loved and Adam’s steadfast unwillingness to be taken care of, it was usually Gansey that caved. The fact that Adam was caving now — temporarily, in the desperate effort of getting back to his feet — didn’t feel at all like a victory.

But Gansey did what he had to — what he could among the many things Adam could need — and brought him homeworks and assignments, left towels and beddings and spare clothes available, filled the fridge and tried to think of the way of making Adam forgo to keep track of any of these things.

It was late at night, somewhere between the second and the third day, when Adam came quietly in the open space, with an aura of partial reluctance that was enough to lift Gansey away from his books and papers. He was shirtless and appeared freshly patched up with the same medical supplies he held in his arms.

“I can come back later if you’re busy…” Adam said, tilting his head minutely towards the scholarly chaos.

“I’m not busy,” Gansey replied, trying not to rush excessively in both his words and getting up from the floor.

“I��” Adam started, then stopped, averting his gaze. When he spoke again, it was neat and measured, with a hint of nerves that shone through the slight drawl in his vowels. “I can’t change the patches on my back. Can you help me?”

It shouldn’t be such an herculean effort, and yet it was, with all the underlying shame that Gansey refused to address because he wanted to be constructive and that seemed to call for destruction.

“Of course, can we sit over here?” Gansey gestured at his bed, a bit helplessly, as the only other viable option was the chair of his deck and Gansey was guilty of having covered it in post-its.

“Sure, thanks,” Adam murmured, and went to sit down at the corner of the mattress, among unkempt sheets and some discarded clothing.

He left the supplies beside him, well within Gansey’s reach, and Gansey picked it up gingerly — rereading the prescriptions even though there he had already stole a look at them while they waited at the hospital. Adam watched him sideways, silent in an awkward way, with his bare back virtually at Gansey’s disposal — it felt like the trust of a wild animal, somehow.

As most wild things, the sight wasn’t pretty.

The skin on Adam’s back was of three or four different colours, small bruises and large bruises, at different depth and different spread of impact, mixed with points in which the skin had been cut by friction. It made Gansey’s stomach turn around a scream that he would never get out — not even, especially not with the way Adam was holding himself so carefully, his head tilted down.

Gansey toyed with the disinfectant, just one second, and then he started talking. “So, in that 1900 land registry document I found a reference to some earlier records, mid 1800, and I think we might be facing a change of landmarks in the borders, which would of course made our geography in old Virginia a bit funky…”

Under the avalanche of unwarranted chattering, Adam tensed even more, and then relaxed a bit with a sigh. He stayed silent for a long while — enough for Gansey to soften the patches with disinfectant — but then he started offering feedback in return.

It was better, like this. More familiar, less punishing.

Gansey peeled off two patches and Adam sunk a bit in his own shoulders, trailing off from his previous comment on minor river paths through the decades. The bruises underneath were predictably the worse, a deep purple of swollen skin that made Gansey afraid of even brushing against it while trying to clean.

But that was part of the responsibility of caring, and so Gansey rolled through the motions, resuming the chatter at the cost of it being one-sided just to give Adam something else to focus on, if he so wished.

“Big part done,” Gansey announced, when the pristine white of two patches covered Adam’s left side and a point around the centre of his back. He very pointedly refused to think about how many organs were in easy reach with hits landing there and there.

“Thank you,” Adam murmured, under his breath. His right shoulder twitched just a bit, as Gansey ran a hand over the surface of the patch to make sure it was smooth and adherent.

“You’re most welcome,” Gansey replied, keeping for himself three thousand more answers. “Do you really think a turrent could change path so markedly?”

Resuming the chatter was better, safer, as a complement for the anti-inflammatory cream that Gansey proceeded to apply. He rubbed at Adam’s skin slowly, with just the fingertip of his index, or sometimes the middle finger if he wanted to spread it to a wider area, and went about as carefully as he could about letting the cream absorb between touches.

Adam’s nape was exposed and he was much more silent now than he had been with the patches, his head lowered. Gansey kept talking, with less urgency, slightly distracted as well by the weird mixture of laboured strength and jutting bones that seemed to compose Adam’s body.

He heard him sigh, and his shoulder blades followed.

Sitting so close behind him, Gansey followed the movement with his eyes, and then with the back of two fingers — dry and cream-free — along the profile of the bone, the skin fairer than Adam was in the middle of the summer. Adam didn’t comment on it, or squirm away, so Gansey kept stroking lightly, a weird drive towards contact and affection that wasn’t necessarily the most familiar for him.

He kept spreading cream with one hands, at time, but even with the extensive collection of Adam’s bruises he was running out of spots to tend to. With his right hand, he kept caressing around, with no purpose more than contact.

Every once in a while, Adam shivered — time and again, as Gansey kept going.

He stroked down Adam’s spine, feeling the bumps of each vertebra against his knuckles. Adam’s next shiver followed the path of Gansey’s hand, shoulders jutting back just slightly.

“Sorry, are my hands cold?” Gansey asked, following a sudden doubt and yet not quite retracting his hands.

Adam shook his head, a subtle gesture at first, before he spoke. “No, you’re very warm.”

It was a low admission. Towards the end of the sentence, Adam’s voice dipped a bit, in the slightest of crack.

It settled in layers in Gansey’s brain, somewhat changing the very light of the room. He swallowed around the Oh that wanted to escape from his mouth, and just raised his hands again.

Touching felt more charged now, almost forbidden. But if there was one thing Gansey was sure of is that Adam would have shied away from any contact that was unwelcomed — now more than ever — and instead he didn’t even try to turn around, his head still lowered.

Gansey stroke along his back, once, than again, venturing broader until he could trace a path from Adam’s nape — and the little bump of his vertebrae jutting out because his head was lowered — all the way to the base of Adam’s spine, at the waist of the sweatpants he must have planned to wear to bed.

At the first full run, Adam stayed very still until the very end, when he exhaled in a slightly hiccupping way. Once more, and Gansey saw him arching along with the touch.

Gansey thinned his lips, feeling goosebumps rising in sympathy.

He grabbed at Adam at the end of the wave they traced together, without being able to help it. His right hand lingered at the centre of Adam’s back, between his shoulder blades, and the left one curled around his hips on the left side. His fingers ran along the protruding bone there and that, too, made Adam jump.

“I didn’t know you were so sensitive,” Gansey whispered, a constricting feeling around his throat.

Adam breathed out longer than he actually manage to inhale, uneven. “Yeah, me neither.”

His voice was so low, and yet Gansey felt it in his bones. Suddenly, he was very, very glad Ronan wasn’t home today and Noah had decided, so to speak, to not manifest.

The reality of what was happening was laid out between them, and still Gansey regained his touches — all along Adam’s back, almost featherlike on the patches, delicate around the exposed bruises, and just gentle anywhere else.

“Mnhgh…”

Gansey desperately wanted to know what face could possibly be making, groaning and shivering for it, but the after-effect of whatever tumult Gansey might be causing was best seen from behind him — that was, if Gansey wanted to keep going.

It wasn’t even really a questions.

He dug his fingers with more purpose, stroking along Adam’s hip bones until Adam arched again, and then — so very slowly — he slid his hand past the fabric, right inside Adam’s boxers.

The first impression was just of warmth. Next, it was the evidence that Adam was very hard.

“Ga-ah…Gansey, fuck…”

Hearing his name broken up in a moan didn’t exactly smother Gansey’s impulse.

He pressed his cheek on Adam’s shoulders — just his cheek, no lips, nosing delicately around the span of it — and Adam keened a bit.

It was easy, and quite rewarding, to touch him. Back and front, and front, and back, new touches on an unfamiliar body on an almost familiar angle. Gansey could only dream to know how to do it best, but as it was everything seemed to be good. Adam choked a bit on his own sounds, arching and canting at what felt like Gansey’s whim, guiding what was undeniably pleasure.

“Fuck,” Adam stressed again, all shivery.

He reached up with one hand to grab onto the bent of Gansey’s elbow and his head lifted up, pressing on Gansey’s shoulder behind him.

With one hand in the middle of his back and another one jerking him off, Gansey felt Adam coming as if it was his own body — a single shiver going all the way down, breaking into release and spreading like a seizure.

From his angle, it was the most Gansey had seen of him since Gansey had sat down on his bed — his profile flushed, a bit overwhelmed by this strange spiral they had precipitated it.

Gansey let go of Adam’s cock, fingers slick with residues of medicine, and wet with Adam’s come, and slid his hand out of Adam’s sweatpants.

Silently, Adam closed his eyes. With his body pressing back against Gansey’s hand, the exhale he let go after actually relaxed him.

It was glorious to witness.

He caressed his back until all the goosebumps smoothened, and then some more.

At the end, it was Adam that straightened up. it was delicate, careful, and Gansey still feared what could come next.

“I’m…” Another false start. He collected his prescriptions back into his arms, trying to fill the silence. “Let me leave this in Noah’s room and…change…then you can show me the documents.”

“Yes!” Gansey piped up before even fully processing, relief flooding through him. “Yes, of course.”

Adam looked at him only at that, wild and vivid. “Thanks,” he said again.

Then he made to step away from the open space, leaving Gansey only to wonder, like an afterthought, if he would manage to take care of his own erection in the short time that Adam’s absence conceded him.

#the raven cycle #Adam x Gansey #Adansey #My Writing #ALL THE PROMPTS

89 notes · View notes

sailor-cresselia · 6 years ago

Text

HEISEI GENERATIONS FOREVER

I’M GOING TO CRY

OKAY?

I’M GOING TO FUCKING CRY.

Spoilers for Kamen Rider Heisei Generations Forever below the cut.

also this got really long. Like. 3.8k words long. I am SO SORRY, Mobile Users, I know read mores don’t always work. Just. SCROLL.

20 MINUTES IN AND MY HEART HAS ALREADY BEEN BROKEN MULTIPLE TIMES.

Memories coming and going for everyone - just - just!

Sougo as a smart, smug, asshole.

Tsukuyomi as a ditz.

Then! Then!

Sento and Ryuuga saving a kid from Another Double – who’s design I LOVE, btw.

But Grease and Rogue leap out over the crowd. They remember, when they shouldn’t. When no one should remember them.

When Kazumi Sawatari and Gentoku Himuro shouldn’t remember each other. Shouldn’t be able to become Riders at all, because here they never were exposed to the Nebula Gas that the Rider System requires.

Gentoku forgetting, returning to the stiff, formal, son-of and assistant-to the Prime Minister.

Misora remembering – the cafe’s a bar, and then she forgets. Again.

YA SURE KNOW HOW TO KILL MY HEART, TOEI.

The kid – Shingo – being found by Sento… who doesn’t get the chance to transform. Who looks… he looks like he’s been brainwashed.

A boy who ‘draws Riders to him’. Him and Sougo go to Fuumen – FUUMEN!

TOEI YOU ARE ACTIVELY HURTING ME. Because Another Double shows up… and it turns out. It turns out Shotaro gave the owner of the Fuumen ramen cart the Double Ridewatch to hold onto for him.

And now we’ve lost Geiz, too.

Nobody remembers Sougo – and smartphones don’t exist. Not enough that a small child would know about them.

The first episode of Kuuga airs tomorrow.

Just- hng. Some part of the brainwashed Sento holds out enough to send the Machien Builder to find Ryuuga. To find his partner.

But when he and Sougo get to where he and Tid are.

Tank and Tank.

Just one word.

“Transform.”

And he attacks.

AHAHAHA YESSSS! Ataru points out the “Same Actor Issue” with regards to Kouhei Takeda having played both Otoya and Kazumin THANK YOU I was hoping that would happen. I didn’t think it would but THANK YOU.

IMAJIN NO. No ominous comments about how ‘it might not end well’!

...Shingo. Shingo… Tid brought you here from the past, didn’t he? From the day before Kuuga aired. That’s why you don’t know what a smartphone is. He brought you forward from your little brothers birthday. And you met him here – where he’s 18, and contracted with an Imajin, in order to meet Riders.

I don’t even know these two and my heart’s breaking for them.

...was. Was that Ataru in Another Den-O?!

Okay, yeah, Sento was faking being brainwashed. No surprise there.

BIG surprise that Ataru contracted in order to meet Riders… because he wanted to escape from reality. He’s not worried, because it’s all just a delusion.

Because his older brother disappeared the day he was born. His brother Shingo.

Whoops.

Ataru latched onto Den-O SO HARD that he summoned an Imajin into his world – his world, where Riders are fiction. And that Imajin is trying, but he’s reached his limit. And Tid cares not for what world he’s in, as long as it’s correct.

...it makes sense that sento isn’t torn up about being fictional like sougo is. he’s already been there – twice, even. sento kiryuu was made up in his own world, and no one from the new one remembers he exists. this is nothing new to him.

…

OKAY FOR THE RECORD. I wrote that BEFORE the scene in the rain.

But…

It doesn’t matter if it’s reality or fantasy. They’re Kamen Riders. They do what must be done.

Don’t worry, Sougo. You’ll understand.

Riders always do, in the end.

Also, the bugster virus grunts stand out so badly against all the other mooks. Waste Yummies, Dustards, Ghouls, Inves, numberless Roidmudes, Ganma, Bugsters… It’s. Actually really nice seeing all of these old suits in action. I can’t even say why, but. I really enjoy that.

… Kazumin’s out.

… … Ataru’s had enough of a world with Riders. He’s done. There’s no such thing, after all.

The contract is complete.

The Riders are gone now. But the mooks might not be.

Be careful what you wish for.

Hey there, Woz! Been a while!

Hey there, Sento. Glad you found your kouhai… and that you didn’t blank out when you two left Ataru’s house.

Because I was right. Shingo’s been pulled out of time.

That’s what Imajin are all about, aren’t they? Changing time. (I have not watched past the first two episodes of den-o but that’s the impression I’ve gotten from hearing about it. Shush.)

And Ataru can’t have a brother that went missing if the brother never went missing in the first place. Which is where Tid, the Imajin, and Another Den-O come into play.

Sure, The World of Ataru is ‘reality’ from one perspective, but The World of Riders is reality from it’s own perspective, just like The World of Build. Sento, you’ve done this, don’t dismiss the world you live in now as fiction quite so easily.

(Tsukasa will be disappointed in you. … if everyone else doesn’t beat him up first, for some of the stunts he’s pulled.)

So… since the Double watch came from Ataru’s world, it can act as a link to there from the Rider’s world.

Actually, I really like how much of W they’re working into here. I know it means we most likely don’t get a W arc, but still. Fuumen, and the watch being handed over by proxy – namedropping ‘Sho’. Another W has three faces – Cyclone, Joker, and CycloneJoker. Cyclone’s eyes light up when he uses the tornado attacks, which is a great nod to both how he’s using one side, and to how Philip’s half lights up when he speaks. I mean, the green tornados alone are neat!

(I didn’t think I’d missed the lens-eyes, because they’re creepy, but come to find out, I had! Huh!)

THING IS. I’m a LITTLE pissed about THIS. I get you haven’t been given much to do today, Woz. And I ADORE all of the W references. But the Library is PHILIPS domain. It’s his to explore – his, and Wakana’s, and those who he allows in. Sokichi Narumi, when he was just a tool for Museum, when he got a chance at freedom. When he got to be Philip. And Shotaro. His Partner. Who saved him from himself in there – When the library was BURNING because he was losing himself to Fang, when he was terrified and lost and this is where he is supposed to be.

… Sorry, I have a LOT of W feels, and this movie is hitting a LOT of them right now.

… Basically, Woz, I tolerate you now, but this is December 2018 you, who I tolerate a lot less. Get out of there.

OH, THIS IS INTERESTING THOUGH.

The book is labeled Masked Rider Den-O. Not Kamen Rider. The series has been writing it as ‘Kamen’ when using the roman alphabet since W.

Before that, it was translated into English whenever it was written like that. So it would be accurate to have Masked Rider Den-O, but not, say, Masked Rider Fourze.

Huh. Nice touch.

~Archival footage from Den-o!~

... Woz how did you get that rail pass out from the library?

(Philip would LOVE to know, that seems like it would be a REALLY handy trick, if he could bring even just. Like. Segments of a book, or pictures, or some such. It’d be SO MUCH EASIER to show Shotaro stuff that way, instead of having to copy it out onto a whiteboard.)

… A lot of the time, Another Double sounds like two people speaking in unison.

… can two people be one Another Rider? Could Tid have. Like. Fused some dudes? This is. A valid question right now.

I mean, we never did find out Who Another Double is.

! !! !!!

LUNA!

THIS IS FINE.

(It’s not fine, but only because I hate the Luna memory)

!!! !! !

AH. So. That’s. ONE way to have things happen out of order. Have a watch shoved into your chest after seeing yourself as that Another Rider.

Ataru latched onto Den-O SO DAMNED HARD that he summoned an Imajin, warped time, and became Another Den-O.

Kid… That’s brutal.

Purple Imajin’s lost hope… but Sougo says that they’re not alone.

Tid shows up at the site where the Arcle was found. At the tomb of the first Kuuga. That… if this is the world of Ataru, that shouldn’t exist here.

But he uses the Arcle – still worn by the first Kuuga – to make the Another Kuuga watch.

That’s terrifying, but makes sense. The watches only need the power of the rider, after all. Doesn’t matter which version of the Rider, as we’ll see in Hibiki months down the road and two weeks ago.

TID OW WOAH DUDE

I MEAN

You’re a bad guy but! I’m sorry for you right now! That looks OBSCENELY PAINFUL.

And VERY Time Mazine sized.

Enough to knock Sougo’s Time Mazine into the Another Denliner… which crashes upon arrival in December 2018, scaring ‘Everyday Schoolboy Sougo’ spitless, while carrying Tid as we have known him to this point. Also of note: Another Den-O is posing like Momotaros. That’s a nice touch.

Oh! Hey! I just realized! I like the Purple Imajin’s speech and all, and the exposition’s great, VERY in line with Den-O, but I just realized.

Sougo’s at a point in time where he hasn’t been born yet.

I doubt this’ll do jack all to history, but still. It’s kind of funny.

(Also, hey, Toei, you couldn’t have remembered that Rider used to start in January back during the Fourze and Faiz arc? You had Faiz disappear during an episode that took place in February, thanks to an event in, like, November. I’m still salty about that.)

Cut to 2018.

Sento and Ryuuga step into Tid’s vault.

(brb, snorting with laughter at the bugster stuck in an idle animation on the floor)

Sento’s already altered the world once, and nobody should have remembered him. But one idiot was stubborn enough to remember him. So… who’s to say that can’t happen again? The world has never made sense. Science and physics, chronology and sequence, reality and fiction… all of that went out the window ages ago, as far as he’s concerned. So why not mess around a little more?

Rabbit and Rabbit!

Cross-Z Magma!

““TRANSFORM!””

(cue Build fight music)

I love my boys.

I also love the two busted time mazines basically piggybacking off of each other.

A train whistle sounds.

Oh, Tid. Of course they keep coming back.

You’ve got someone who knows them pretty well right by your side.

AHAHA YESSSSS

YOU’RE FACING THE WRONG WAY BUT YESSSS

‘Sup, Momotaros?

Oh, hold on-

‘Sup, Team Den-O?

Like beats Like. It takes a Rider’s power to defeat an Another Rider.

And the base of ‘imajin’ is imagine. To think up, to dream.

Or, in some cases.

To remember.

Urataros, if you and Ryotaro are going to use the line “Ai to Seigi to” I expect SOMEONE to do a Sailor Moon pose! SOMEONE NEEDS TO!

She is the senpai for EVERYONE HERE. She’s from 1992, after all, Mr. 2007.

Okay, sorry, Moon Fan comments aside.

Sougo gets it now. It doesn’t matter anymore if they’re real or not.

Because here? In this moment? They’re real enough.

I’m willing to bet that under that mask, Sento’s grinning, because he can tell that his junior’s caught on.

Misora – kind, sweet, Misora – guiding civilians to safety, even though she’s a civilian herself… wondering where Sento and Ryuuga are.

They’re a bit busy elsewhere… but Kazumin and Gentoku? They’re available.

Welcome back, Kamen Rider Grease and Kamen Rider Rogue.

Cries for help from two young boys – the right age bracket for right now.

Level Up!

Kaigan!

Welcome back, Kamen Rider Ex-aid and Kamen Rider Ghost.

Two men in their late teens, early twenties.

Cyclone! Joker!

Welcome back, Kamen Rider Double.

A man in his mid-to-late twenties… possibly with his sons, who are wearing the two latest belts. His inner child calls out.

The startup sound of the Arcle

Welcome back, Kamen Rider Kuuga.

A crowd.

Hanamichi! On STAGE!

Welcome back, Kamen Rider Gaim and Kamen Rider Kiva.

A crowd – larger, with more varied ages.

Hii, hii, hihihiii~

Welcome back, Kamen Rider Agito, Kamen Rider Ryuki, and Kamen Rider Wizard.

Three adults.

Turn Up.

Welcome back, Kamen Rider Blade, Kamen Rider Faiz, and Kamen Rider Hibiki.

Change Beetle

Welcome back, Kamen Rider Kabuto, Kamen Rider Decade, and Kamen Rider Fourze.

UCHUU KITA indeed.

Ta To Ba! Ta-to-ba TaToBa!

Welcome back, Kamen Rider OOO and Kamen Rider Drive.

“Ankh…”

Toei don’t break my heart like this. He caresses the hawk medal. Don’t do this to us.

“Let’s go, Mr. Belt.”

“Okay! Start your engine!”

Hi, Krim. Nice to see you again, too. Ah, man, Shinnosuke’s voice is so subdued.

They didn’t have the same type of partnership, but both Eiji and Shinnosuke lost their partners. This is. Right. This is right, for now. It’s something.

Now. Time to fight.

Momotaros doing his own theme song.

Emu bouncing into the air.

Takeru floating – they’re letting him have powers, letting him have the forcefields that he’s going to prove he has when he shows up in the episode that aired the day before this takes place. To the point of TAKERU CAN MAKE TELEKINETIC TORNADOES THAT IS SO FUCKING COOL! (Further vindication! Takeru gets to be spooky!)

One on one my rear end, Gentaro. Rocket on.

Drumsticks and kicks laced with fire from Hibiki and Haruto, before they and Shinji all set a crowd of mooks alight in a wave of fire.

Shinnosuke getting to use the tires on Type Speed’s boots for once… before… Start up. Clock up! The three speed demons – him, Takumi, and Souji – knock the crowd of mooks aside.

Swords and claws slice through one group, thanks to Kouta, Eiji, and Kenzaki – wait, hang on, his given name is Kazuma? I thought that was his surname?! UGH it’s the Banjou and Ryuuga thing all over again, but before it happened, you know what WHATEVER.

Shouichi and Wataru blasting apart mooks with inherited powers.

Tsukasa on his own… because of course he is.

Likewise for Yusuke.

Sento and Ryuuga struggling against Another Double… but Sougo got that watch earlier today. >:)

Like beats Like.

Er, Woz, this is not the time to IWAE. We’re. We’re in a movie. This. Isn’t in the show, save it for- oh, wait, you weren’t there the first time he used Double in show, were you? Haaaa… fine. I’ll allow it.

...I’d really missed Sougo flubbing the catchphrases. “Tell me about your crimes.” It’s. Close. You’re. You’re almost there. You got the pose better than you did the phrase, anyway.

Another Double is a bit closer, though, since he thinks you’re half-boiled. And did Shotaro’s stressed out forehead pinch – even though Sho’s usually in civilian form for that, and wearing his hat, it still scans. (HNG MY W FANGIRL HEART.)

Maximum Time Break!

Hahaha! Another Double explodes three times. Once to separate in two, once each for a cloud of green and black smoke for each respective half, and then two massive fireballs. That’s glorious.

Tid, I get that you’re a movie villain, but why are you this dead set on getting rid of the Heisei Riders?

“Where’s Tsukuyomi?!”

“Still fixing the Time Mazines!”

And she’s so FRUSTRATED about it!

Good thing Sento built all of his equipment. Oh man, he’s going to have a field day with this thing. Be careful, you might not get both of them back.

CASE IN POINT. SENTO’S JACKED A TIME MAZINE TO FIGHT ANOTHER KUUGA.

And looks like Geiz didn’t just go to fight Tid when he was in 2000. He made the Kuuga watch from the first Kuuga’s body, same as Tid.

Clever. Like I said. Doesn’t matter which version of the Rider. As long as it’s the same power.

Armor Time!

Kuuga!

It didn’t take long to take Another Kuuga down with that much brute power behind the attacks.

Sorry, Ryuuga, but Geiz just isn’t that excitable. No high fives for you. (I’ll give you one!)

Sento must be absolutely beaming under there.

And Sougo does the thumbs up.

HEY REMEMBER HOW I WONDERED IF TID FUSED TWO DUDES TO MAKE ANOTHER DOUBLE?!

THIS IS WORSE.

THIS IS MUCH WORSE.

Step. Away. From. The. Child.

Let him go.

TID HAS ISSUES.

But! Getting everyone out in to one of The Quarries means.

BIIIIIKE FIIIIIGHT!!!!!

Kudos for the Bakusou Bike jingle, and Faiz’s bike pretty much being a drill. Press F to pay respects for Kabuto’s tires. Wonder how many of those he goes through in a month.

Shotaro, Philip, not breaking out the Revolgarry this time? You did back in Taisen Grand Prix!

...Where are Drive and Hibiki?

Oh, wait, nope, there they are, along with Ryuki.

YESSSSS Ryuuga and Geiz in Geiz’s Time Mazine!

AND LIGHTING IT UP WITH BLUE FLAMES TO KNOCK “ANOTHER KUUGA TWO; CREEPER BOOGALOO” DOWN TO EARTH. Literally.

Twenty Rider Kicks. Straight to the face.

(Okay, technically it’s 22 kicks, since Double is, by necessity, both Shotaro and Philip, and Den-O is presumably Momotaros and Ryotaro.)

And the final three to hit? Zi-O, Build, and Kuuga.

Yesssss.

(Also Gentaro looked so awkward standing with the Drill Module still active. Because DRILL. On the LEG.)

We get a montage of two brothers, growing up together, as fans of Kamen Rider. Mirroring a montage of one boy growing up alone at the opening.

And the speech between Senior and Junior – Sento and Sougo.

Yeah. They were Riders. They always were Riders. The laws of time travel aren’t nearly as rigid as you think, Sougo.

As long as someone remembers. They’re still there.

Why should anything have to change that?

Final notes. Whoever made this movie must love W SO MUCH. Because in the end credits, there’s a montage of shots from every season since Kuuga. It shows the riders themselves, as civilians, their base forms, and their final forms.

The slide for W has two variants. The first has CycloneJokerExtreme at the top, CycloneJoker at the bottom, and Shotaro and Philip preparing to transform in the center. The second – the center photo moves to a different expression from the same exact scene – the same SHOT – Shotaro and Philip looking at each other and smiling. It’s from episode 49. When they were reunited.

There’s some nice care for all of the slides, actually, but most noticeable to me…

The Fourze slide has four pictures – Fourze base mode, Gentaro in front of an explosion, Fourze Cosmic States, and Gentaro and Ryusei. The last three? Are all from the same episode. The one where Gentaro GETS Cosmic States.

Drive has two ‘variants’ as well – in a similar manner to W, actually. The first time, there’s Chase, Shinnosuke, and Gou together, Shinnosuke and Kiriko – from the last episode, no less, as they’re saying goodbye to Krim, and Drive (Type Speed) leaning against the Tridoron. Really puts that “Let’s go, Mr. Belt” line RIGHT BACK IN THE FEELS ZONE, there doesn’t it? Well, the shot of the three riders morphs to the same scene, but all three of them in their armor. THAT is where they show Type Tridoron. I believe that was the first time we heard Spinning Wheel, actually.

Ghost manages to have all three of it’s Riders on a cliff – in civilian form, but still.

Ex-Aid has Emu’s first transformation – both before he activates it, and in his Level One form right after. There’s the first transformation into Hyper Muteki. But his Base Mode shot, for Level Two? Chronos about to get a Gashacon Breaker to the face.

Gaim features both Kouta AND Kaito in all but one shot, which is the one with Gaim on a horse. The others are Kouta and Kaito in Beat Rider attire, Gaim and Baron while the Woman of the Beginning looks on in the background and… Gaim Kiwami Arms versus Overlord Baron… in the final moment of their last fight.

As for OOO? Well, we’re clearly not getting an answer from Toei as to what his official final form is any time soon. Not with Shirtless Episode One Eiji, and TaToBa OOO on a RideVendor as two of the shots. The other two? One is PuToTyra. And the other is TaJaDor… with Ankh right beside him, Greeed arm on display. (Eiji’s final form is Ankh’s Boyfriend and you can’t stop me from believing that.)

I don’t know enough about the other seasons to know how heartbreaking a lot of them are, but. Well.

Over in Kuuga, that’s a transformation in the snow.

Ryuki has a wide shot with thirteen suits.

Blade as a shot with four riders, and one with Blade and Chalice in the water.

I’m not really happy with their choices for Build. Build RabbitTank deciding that he’s going to take Ryuuga with him, Sento and Ryuuga on the bike – at the end of episode one, so they both look awful, Sento in the opening, of all things, and what is quite frankly a terrible shot of Build Genius. They had a lot more to go off of here.

Especially since at least Zi-O has an excuse for poor selection. A close up of Zi-O’s face, a shot of him on his bike on a bridge from the opening, a slightly battered Sougo transforming – not even his FIRST one, mind you, it’s from the wrong angle for that… and OMA ZI-O. I know we weren’t even fifteen episodes in, he didn’t have Decade yet in the timeframe it takes place, but still. STILL.

But I might do a compilation post of all the ending cards, because there was clearly care put into… well, all but the last two, really.

So! In Conclusion!

Not as bad a movie as I was worried about!

There were a lot of nice touches, and I’m pretty sure that at this point, they were working towards un-doing the whole ‘riders were never riders’ situation. Especially given the time placement of this film.

The present day sections take place on December 3, 2018 – literally one day after the first episode of the Ghost arc aired. It was released on December 22, so… about when Sougo was shot into the future by Decade, and the day before he Did The Thing with his belt.

Ghost was allowed to transform. “Oh, right… I’m a Kamen Rider…” And, of course, Decade was there. As Decade.

The next Legend Rider to appear wasn’t until February – with Ryuki, who would never have been a Rider in the first place, regardless of Time Travel interference. He’d already had his adventures undone at the end of his season. After then, every Legend Rider is still a Rider.

As long as someone remembers.

#kamen rider zi o #heisei generations forever #zi o spoilers #heisei generations forever spoilers #i apologize for the length but. you know. movie.

27 notes · View notes

sinner-of-roses · 5 years ago

Text

~𝕽𝖕 𝕾𝖆𝖒𝖕𝖑𝖊~

One of my longer responses:

He chuckled as the other nudged him, finishing up his hot cocoa. He wished he had another one to drink. “I don’t know, they were pretty mean to me when I was young. But now they're better.” He wondered what his siblings would think of Ticket. Probably that he was a bit of a hooligan but he was sure his brother would like him. His sister, he wasn’t quite sure. She had the attitude of his mother, so he was sure that she wouldn’t be happy with him. He looked up at the other with a weak smile. “It’s more like fasting, I’m fine.” He closed his eyes. He didn’t think he could drink from the other without throwing it right back up. He was so disgusted with himself whenever he drank and especially how last time went. He would rather starve than do that to the other. “No... you let me drink from you last week... plus that was to make up for all the horrible things I did before. I don’t want to drink from you.” He as going to try and protest until the end of time. He frowned at the other, shaking his head. He sighed, going to his room solemnly. He really didn’t want to drink from the other, but he knew the other would make him. Sometimes it felt like he didn’t have a choice when it came to the other... He brushed away that thought. He looked down at the sweatshirt, debating if he should change out of it. He kept it on. It was warm, cozy, and smelled like Ticket, why wouldn’t he want to keep it on?

He chuckled, “it’s really not that bad. You don’t have to make a big deal about it. He was used to plain boring rooms. His own room barely decorated. This was mostly because of his mother who didn’t approve of posters or things like that. She wasn’t a huge fan of very bright colors when it came to rooms. His room was a dull blue, though he wondered if his mother had changed it. He smiled as the other messed with his hair, looking up at him happily. He sat with him on the bed. His gaze turned melancholy as the other described to him his situation. He felt so bad. He felt guilty, even though the other said he wanted to be by his side. He couldn’t agree when the other said he knew him, “No you don’t, you don’t even know my last name.” He chuckled weakly, “I doubt you know me that well, and vice versa.” He didn’t want to be a pessimist but he wanted to tell the other the truth. He wasn’t going to lie to him. The other didn’t know him. Or not as well as he thought he did. There were many things the other had no idea about. And same for Salem. So saying that he knew him that well was just foolish. He let the other pull him onto his lap, even though he wasn’t feeling this position that well. He hesitated for a moment. “Stop it” he didn’t want the other to offer him blood and he said this. Yet the other male still insisted. He felt like the other was way too deep for what they have gone through and how much they actually knew each other. He felt overwhelmed by how much love the other seemed to have. He wanted to shrink away from it because of how to scare him.

He gulped. He knew the other wouldn’t budge. He guessed he had no choice in the matter... like usual... He really tried to be as soft as he could, but he got carried away like he always did. He never knew when to stop when it comes to blood. That’s why he hated drinking from a living being so much. It led to bad memories. He felt his panic rise into his veins as the other passed out. He licked the wound and set the other down on the bed. Dread hung heavy on his shoulders. Why couldn’t he just stop? He felt sick. Very very sick. He sat there for a minute, only to feel a kick in his gut. He rushed to the bathroom. The blood he just drank coming right back up. He heaved till his stomach hurt. His whole body trembling from the involuntary compulsions of his stomach. He sat with his head above the toilet bowl in shame. He didn’t want to be a vampire. He would give anything to be human. Anything not to be a blood-sucking monster who nearly killed people or made them unconscious with his behavior. He should retire from being the high priest's assistant... he really needed to stop. He didn’t deserve this. Someone better who wasn’t him could give more to the job. He shouldn’t have even gotten in the first place. He remembered when Ticket called him all those names way back. When he called him a selfish vampire...

... maybe that’s all he would ever be.

After that, he staggered back into the room. Putting Ticket under the blankets. It was the afternoon, so Salem got some work done while he had free time. He did paperwork as well as homework. Using it as a distraction from his thoughts. Otherwise, he probably wouldn’t torn himself apart by now. He made the decision to quit after the winter break. He wanted the high priest to have a good Christmas, so he thought it would be best if he did it afterward. After he got most of his work done he stared at the other picture sadly. It was truly a pretty illustration. He just wondered why the others liked him so much. Ticket used to calm him a little bitch and was annoyed with everything he did. He wanted to make him cry. He wanted to hurt him. Which he did, on multiple occasions. But... Salem somehow felt responsible for helping the other. He did say he changed for him... that he was trying to get better. That meant if he gave up now, the other wouldn’t grow. Yes, he was overwhelmed by this relationship but he was willing to deal with it for the other. Even if it made him uncomfortable. Even if the other crossed his boundaries. After all, it only happened every once and a while right? He was sure the other wouldn’t hurt him that way. He was sure the other wouldn’t push him again.. or he hoped so.

He stood up and sat on the bed. He watched the other's chest as it rose up and down. He smiled slightly. He ran his hand through the other's hair, remembering how the other liked that. He hoped this would work out.

One of my short responses:

He raised his arms above his head, wanting to get this shirt off as quick as possible. He had been admiring his bruises and marks, even so, be he had got them that day. They were so pretty, and he adored them wholeheartedly. He wanted more, he wanted them all over his body, so he could be reminded the other. Though they had faded quite a bit he knew he would get some new ones to replace them. He never knew bruises could be pretty in his mind but here he was, loving them all the while.

He was glad for the feeling of the nails on the skin, like that it would leave even more marks, though they were much more temporary. He felt his breath catch once more as he was laid down, feeling his back sink into the mattress. He looked up at the other, letting his arms bend upward and his hands rest next to his own head on the bed. He let his eyes go half-lidded, his body relaxing into the sheets under him. He smiled at that, “thank you.. your beautiful too” he chimed, gazing at his face softly. He had nice features, a nice jaw that wasn’t overly sharp that it made him look like he could crush you, but a slightly softer look that made him comfortable. He had his hair in loose tendrils all around his ears and some part of his face, the black a nice color that framed his face. Those eyes, damn those eyes. He couldn’t even describe them accurately to where you could exactly imagine them. They were so different from his own, so special. He wished he had eyes like that.

He leaned into his kisses, letting out soft breaths of satisfaction at the feeling of lips on his skin. He shivered at his next words, losing his eyes completely and just letting the other take control of his body. He shifted his hips around as he undid the buckle, trying to make it easier to get them off. He was almost tempted to push the other hands straight down into his thoughts and not have this tracing business, but the light touches were n is all the while. He was a good boy to many people, it was his specialty to be a people, pleasers. And he planned to do exactly that with Mara, he would do anything he would ask him. He didn’t what it was, he would do it and do it the best he could.

He whined a little at the pressure his hands lightly grasping at the sheets of the bed. He opened his eyes again, being clouded over with something far stronger than lust. He watched his hand skate around his skin, shivering as it went up to His jaw. Unlike last time he opened his mouth wide, not completely sure what he was about to do. He let his legs lay slightly bent, mostly closed together, he would save some of that kind of charm for later.

#rpexample #rp #writing #rpsample #literate #advanced literate rp #literate rp

1 note · View note

presleepthoughts · 6 years ago

Note

Could you do a bechloe fic inspired by supertrooper from abba/mamma Mia

Ok, I love Mamma Mia so I was super pumped to do this.

Currently, I’m not accepting request because you guys gave me plenty of prompts to last a while (thank you for that btw) so please don’t send me more. For now. I let you know when I open up my inbox on my blog. Thank you.

Now to the fun part. Hope you enjoy it :D

Theplane roughly landed on the runway, jolting Beca out of her restless slumber. She screwed her eyes shot, hoping if she prayed hard enough she would get another ten minutes of rest.

God, she just went to sleep twenty minutes ago.

She was exhausted. Twenty different counties in two months was duo to take a toll on her body but she never expected that it would push her to the edge. Her body was heavy with tiredness and her mind was numb.

She pursed her lips together in anger and threw on her sunglasses. The last thing she needed was a paparazzi catching her at the airport, looking like a mess. Even if she was one.

#16 Glasgow.

‘Here we go again’ she thought bitterly as she pulled her carry-on behind her off the plane, following her manager who led her through the messes of people. She plastered on a smile for her fans waiting at the gate for her, signing some autograph but kept the conversation brief. She climbed in a taxi and as soon as the doors were closed, she let out a deep breath.

James, her manager, pulled out his phone and looked at the scheduled. “Okay, so we arrive at the hotel in about an hour then it’s soundcheck and the concert is tomorrow at 8. You have nothing else planned.”

Beca rolled her eyes. That list didn’t sound like nothing. As if it weren’t enough.

“Fine.” She murmured and tried to get comfortable on the leather seat, looking out the window at the passing buildings as she got lost in her head.

Don’t get her wrong, she loved performing. She loved the feeling of the music pumping through her bones, completely consuming her mind, making her forget about everything for a second. Hearing the crowd scream when that one favorite song started playing…It was addicting.

However, when the high came crushing down after the concert was over, Beca was physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. And that feeling repeated itself over and over again, leaving her no room to breath.

After soundcheck, she marched back into her hotel room, ignoring the invitation to explore the city in favor of finally closing her eyes for more than half an hour. She sighed as she locked the door and let her eyes wonder over the spacious luxury room that she was staying in for the night.

She knew she should be grateful. She was traveling around the world, singing in front of thousands of people who admired her beyond her worth but she couldn’t help but longed to be home.

The fairly sized apartment she purchased when her carrier took off. The cozy, two bedroom apartment that she called home. Her home with Chloe.

At the thought of her redhead, Beca smiled softly. She hadn’t seen her in so long.

She went over to the king size bed and laid down. It’s going to be over soon and then she would be back where she belonged.

Fishing out her phone from her pocket, her fingers automatically went to the gallery, a habit she developed whenever she was missing her. The amount of selfies she found there of Chloe was overwhelming and fulfilling at the same time. Beca chuckled as Chloe pulled a funny face to the camera, laying in their bed.

Her smile was quickly replaced by a sad sigh when the next picture was of them in Central Park with Beca planting a kiss on Chloe’s cheek while the redhead’s eyes were closed, a content smile on her face.

She closed the app and went into her contacts, putting the phone to her ears. It didn’t take two rings before Chloe’s voice sounded from the other end.

“Hey, stranger.” Her tone was cheerful, pulling a small smile from Beca. “I was just thinking about you.”

“Yeah?” Beca asked quietly.

“Your song was on the radio when I was coming home. You better believe, I cracked up the music and sang at the top of my lungs.” Chloe chuckled. “I think, some teenager filmed it at the red light.”

“I hope you don’t end up on Youtube like last time.” Beca smiled and snickered at the memory of a very drunk Chloe at a karaoke bar, break dancing on the floor - or trying, more accurately - while the “Friends” theme song played in the background.

Chloe groaned loudly. “Oh, so embarrassing. I gotta tell you sometimes it’s not worth being the love of your life. Your fans care way too much about me.”

Beca raised her eyebrows and smirked. “The love of my life, huh?”

“Am I wrong?”

“No…not even a little bit.” Beca smiled faintly and shook her head. “It’s so good to hear your voice.” She admitted quietly, closing her eyes as Chloe paused for a second.

“I miss you too, baby. But It’s going to be over soon.” Chloe said soothingly. “It’s one more month than you are home.”

Beca clenched her jaw. “I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

On the other end of the world, Chloe sighed and sat down on the couch, pulling a blanket over her lap.

“What happened?”

Beca exhaled harshly and bit her bottom lip. “I’m just…tired. I’m tired of everything. All I do is eat, sleep and sing over and over again. I don’t remember the last time I slept for 8 hours. Chloe, I - I wish I was done with it.”

“Oh, Becs…”

And Beca hated to admit it but she felt tears building behind her eyes at Chloe’s tone.

“I - I wish I could do something to help you…”

The brunette snapped herself out of her pity party and wiped away the tears, plastering on her smile even though Chloe couldn’t see her.

“You already doing it. Just by talking to me.” She chuckled humorlessly. “I just needed to vent a little, I guess. I’m fine now.”

“Beca…”

Beca knew she would want to keep talking about it but the brunette suddenly left drained out. She cut her off quickly. “But that’s enough about me. Tell me about your day.”

The other line was silent for a second before Chloe signed and reluctantly changed the subject for Beca’s sake.

The couple was on the phone for more than an hour before Beca wasn’t able to keep her eyes open. When her words slurped into mumbles, Chloe started chuckling softly.

“Go to bed, baby. You had a long day.”

She thought about protesting but Beca couldn’t deny that she could fall asleep in seconds so she unwillingly bid goodbye to Chloe and finally closed her eyes.

All the way in New York City, Chloe started at the phone, Beca’s caller ID picture still showing on the screen with her characteristic frown in place. Chloe looked at the picture fondly and made up her mind.

She dialed a number and put the phone to her ear.

“Hey, it’s Chloe…no, no, everything’s alright…I just…I have a huge favor to ask you.”

The air was buzzing with energy and anticipation as the clock ticked closer to 8 pm and the stadium was filling up with fans. Backstage was a chaos, just like it always was as several people ran around trying to get everything ready in time.

Beca was going over her set list for the last time in her dressing room as the hairdresser curled the last strand of hair and deemed her perfect. Beca hummed in response and stood up, blindly making her way to the edge of the stage. Her band was already in place, only waiting for their cue to start.

She took a deep breath. No matter how many times she had done this, she just couldn’t shake away the nerves. The lights suddenly dimmed and the crowd went crazy, knowing Beca was minutes away from appearing.

As she was about to take a step, James suddenly called out for her.

“Beca!”

Beca frowned and turned around. James was barely able to contain his smile and he waved his hand towards himself.

“I need to borrow you for a second.”

Beca looked back at the stage and raised her eyebrows. “I’m…in the middle of something.”

James shook his head. “That can wait. Big artists are late all the time. Come with me.”

Not knowing what to say, Beca carefully followed her manager as he led her to her dressing room. Beca stopped in front of the closed door and turned to him.

“You’re acting weird. Just tell me what’s going on.”

James smirked. “Just open the door.”

“Ja - “

“Open the door, Beca.”

The brunette scoffed in annoyance and waited for a second, hoping James would break but he stood his ground. Throwing a glare his way, Beca stepped closer and cautiously opened the door.

Her heart jumped in her throat at the sight that greeted her.

Chloe stood in the middle of the room, with all her beautiful glory, smiling from ear to ear. Beca’s mouth fell open as she froze to the spot. She couldn’t believe this. Chloe didn’t say a word just went over and after a long month of being away from each other, she finally wrapped her in her arms.

Beca felt the tears cloud her vision as she finally admitted to herself that this was the reality. Her body came alive as she clenched to the redhead, squeezing her around the waist and tucking her head in the crook of her neck. Chloe laughed happily and squeezed her tightly.

“Wh - How?” Beca murmured against her skin, not letting go of her for a second.

“I know you needed me. So, I called James and he flew me out.” Chloe answered. “I missed you so much.”

Beca swallowed down her tears and pulled back slightly. Her lips collided with Chloe’s gently and she didn’t care if it sounded mushy but it felt like coming home.

“I’m staying with you for the rest of the tour.” Chloe whispered, her eyes boring into Beca’s.

“But what about work?”

Chloe smirked, winking at the brunette. “Don’t worry about it. I can be persuasive if I want to.”

Beca shook her head disbelievingly but the smile wouldn’t leave her face. She wouldn’t doubt that for a second.

“Umm, I don’t mean to interrupt the moment…” James’ voice rang out suddenly, breaking the bubble over their heads as the couple turned to them. “But your fans are waiting.”

Beca nodded. “Thank you.” She looked deep into his eyes, making sure he knew she meant the words sincerely. James smiled back at her. Message received.

Beca turned her head back to Chloe. “Don’t leave.”

Chloe smiled at her fondly, pulling her in for a quick kiss. “Never.”

A large smile blossomed on Beca’s face as she ran out of the room and all the way to the edge of the stage. She signaled to the band and they started her entrance music again.

As she stepped out onto the stage, she knew tonight was going to be different.

Because somewhere in the crowd, there was Chloe.

#bechloe #Pitch Perfect #pitch perfect 2 #pitch perfect 3 #fanfic #request #fluff #angst #Anna Kendrick #brittany snow #chloe beale #beca mitchell #au

88 notes · View notes

shipmistress9 · 7 years ago

Text

Into The Hidden World - For Leffie

A couple of weeks ago, @leffie-draws-fanart posted this awesome pictures of hers. And somehow it tickled me...

So, after talking to Leffie about it and with her permission, I wrote this little story to her picture. It takes place some months after HTTYD2.

I hope you’ll like it :)

. o O o .

“Okay, this is where that merchant and his crew said they’d seen the beast,” Eret said, and pointed to a small group of islands at the southern edge of the map. Then he lifted a hand to ward off Astrid’s complaints. “Yes, I know what you want to say. Those aren’t exactly reliable information sources, and they aren’t up-to-date either. But it fits to where you guys have clashed into it, and to the other sightings we’ve recorded, too. See? It’s like it’s following some line that leads directly to these islands. My guess? If that maniac really should have survived that fall, then he’s hiding somewhere around there.”

Slowly, Hiccup nodded. “It makes sense,” he murmured, to Astrid’s annoyance. He paused for a moment, but then seemed to make a decision. “Alright, I’ll go and have a look. It’s a bit of a distance, but if we hurry, Toothless and I should be back by nightfall, and–”

“The Hel you will!” Astrid interrupted him angrily. He looked up at her words, but at least he had the decency to not even try to look surprised.

“Astrid, it’ll be much faster if Toothless and I fly alone,” he explained, brows furrowed. “And it’s just a reconnaissance mission. I just want to see whether I can find Drago or his Bewilderbeast, and will return directly to get back-up in case I can locate them. I promise.”

But she didn’t buy his attempt at placating her. She knew him too well for that. “Right,” she scoffed. “Just like that one day when you were just looking for Viggo, and ended up almost getting killed when the Hunters shot Toothless down. Forget it! There’s no way I’ll let you go after yet another maniac who wants to see you dead all on your own. We’re doing this together, or not at all.” She was determined. She wouldn’t let him risk his life like that, not ever again.

Hiccup’s face softened, and he stepped toward her until he was able to lay his hand on her hips. “And I guess there’s nothing that would convince you to stay here? Not even…” he trailed off, and let one hand glide to her front to rest over her toned belly.

But he'd guessed right. Nothing would prevent her from making sure that Hiccup and his skinny self would make is safely back to Berk. Not even the possibility of her being pregnant. They weren’t even sure, yet. She was only two weeks late. “Together, or not at all!”

After another moment of hesitation, Hiccup nodded, and smiled defeatedly. “Okay,” he conceded, and gave her a light kiss. The familiar scraping of his stubble made her feel at ease, and it made staying angry at him impossible. “Then I suggest you get Stormfly and Toothless ready while I get our packs and tell Gobber that he needs to take over for a day or two” he said quietly, and then turned to look at Eret.

The ex-trapper was discreetly inspecting his shoes as not to intrude on their intimate moment, but looked up again when Hiccup addressed him directly. “Eret, can you go and get the others? We’re going to leave around noon. Make sure the dragons are all fed and rested, and everybody has their packs ready. We might as well turn this into a group excursion. You’ve practised enough to accompany us this time. Besides, I know Snot is dying to get some action again, and everything that keeps the twins occupied is always good.”

“Aye Chief,” Eret replied with a broad grin.

. o O o .

“So, where are you kids going?”

Valka approached Astrid as she was about to fasten the saddle on Stormfly’s back, a baby Nightmare in her arms and another one climbing over her back, as usual.

“There’s been another sighting of the Bewilderbeast,” she replied while testingly pulling at the belt around her dragon's belly. She refused to call it Drago’s. As if that madman had any claim over a majestic beast like this. And she didn't believe that he was still alive anyway, not really. So far, they’d never seen him when they’d encountered the giant to chase him off of some village or other.

“Oh…” Valka had sobered up directly, face averted as if distracted by the baby dragon in her arms. “Do you... need me to come along?”

Astrid wasn't good at reading people, and Valka who was more used to interacting with dragons than with Vikings was even harder to make sense of. “You can if you want, but you don't have to,” she finally said noncommittally. If it came to a fight every support would be useful, but Hiccup's mother had fought enough for an entire lifetime. Astrid didn't begrudge her the wish for peace and quiet.

“Mmh, I don't know,” Valka finally said as she scratched the small dragon's neck. “Flying out would be nice, but the babies need me. Where are you going again? How long would we be gone?”

A small smile tugged at Astrid's lips, and she quickly turned back to Stormfly to hide it. Apparently, peace and quiet could get boring, after all.“The sighting has been around a group of small islands to the South,” she explained. “Close to a dead volcano not far from Berserker Island. We might even have time to pick up Heather and Dagur on the way, in case Mala can spare him.”

“What?”

Valka's voice had sounded weird, disbelieving and even a little frightened. Astrid frowned and turned toward her again – to find the older woman frozen mid-movement, her ridiculously big eyes even wider than usual. And she looked pale as a ghost.

. o O o .

“You've got to be kidding me... Atali knew your mother all along?”

From her usual place on Stormfly’s back, behind and slightly to Hiccup’s left, Astrid saw how he nodded at Snotlout's incredulous question. They were flying in the tight formation they’d used frequently back during their years at Dragon’s Edge, allowing for sensible travelling speed while still flying close enough to be able to talk. Skullcrusher and Cloudjumper were a bit off to the sides as they were not used to flying so close to other dragons, but still using their wake to keep up.

“Yeah, it looks like it,” Hiccup called back, turning slightly so that everyone could hear him as he told them what Astrid had told him earlier. There hadn’t been time for that before. After Valka’s revelation, they’d gotten going immediately. They hadn’t even gotten around to change out of their comfortable day-to-day clothes and into more practical things, for Odin’s sake. Hiccup still wore the Chief’s fur cloak, and she herself hadn’t had time to put on her fur-lined hood or her warmer arm bracers. She could feel the chill in the early spring air, but tried to ignore it and instead concentrated on Hiccup’s explanation.

“It looks like that ‘someone’ Atali knew who would be able to take care of the king-of-dragons-egg was my mum. And the king of dragons would be the Bewilderbeast. I can’t believe that I haven’t seen that before.”

“Yeah, that’s pretty embarrassing,” Snot agreed, just as Tuff threw in, “You didn’t? H, how could you’ve overlooked that? It’s so obvious.”

“Don’t tell me you of all people made that connection already,” Fishlegs snorted.

“Well, no, I haven’t. But then, it’s not my job to make these connections. Don’t blame me if you’re not-”

“Guys, guys, it’s okay. Tuff is right,” Hiccup interrupted them. “I should have seen it sooner. I should have asked Atali to whom she gave the egg. Or I should have asked my mum if she knew anything about the king of dragons. But I didn’t. Frankly, I didn’t even think about that egg at all anymore, with everything that happened back then. But what’s done is done, we can’t change it anymore. Now, we have to concentrate on finding the egg and it’s mother before Drago does. We can’t risk him getting his hands on another Bewilderbeast, one that might overpower Toothless in her urge to protect her baby. My mum said she lured the mother into the cavern system beneath these islands and then gave the egg back to her. So let’s hope Drago hasn’t found her yet and we can set a trap to finally capture him.”

Astrid listened quietly through the entire conversation. She didn’t like this development. So far, capturing Drago had been nothing but a vague idea, some far-off goal for Hiccup to think about whenever he’d needed a break from the daily struggles of being Chief. As his wife and general, she’d supported, even encouraged this search. Because she knew Hiccup, knew that he always needed something bigger to occasionally occupy his mind. But deep in her heart, she hadn’t expected that anything would ever come of it.

But now, it had become even worse. Not just that they’d found the trail of the Bewilderbeast again, it being near to where a second one would be only made it more likely that Drago was still alive and controlling it. Sure, it could be that the gigantic dragon was only looking for a mate, but somehow Astrid doubted that. Because it wasn’t simply a female Bewilderbeast. No, it had to be a mother.

Almost against her will, her hand fluttered down to her stomach. She was only beginning to understand what it would mean to be a mother, to be responsible for such a tiny helpless creature. But she understood enough to know that this dragon mother would do anything to protect her baby.

. o O o .

When they reached their goal, one thing became immediately clear.

They were too late.

“Oh, shit,” came Snotlout’s very accurate remark when they broke through the clouds and the islands they’d been looking for lay directly in front of them. They were surrounded by chaos, and in a way Astrid felt like she’d had a horrible déjà vu.

There were two gigantic Bewilderbeasts, one black and one white, fighting against each other. The islands and the sides of the big volcano in the middle were covered in the same sharp ice shards that had destroyed Berk over a year ago. And there were dragons everywhere, fighting against one another without even knowing why.

There also were differences, but they didn’t serve to make her feel hopeful. This white Bewilderbeast was noticeably smaller than the one at Valka’s Sanctuary, and she was bleeding from a mean cut at her leg already.

Astrid’s heart sank at that sight. Taking in the whole situation of a battlefield and deciding what to do and how to react was one of her specialities. But this one didn’t look good.

“Hiccup,” she called out to get his attention.

He turned, and she saw his devastated expression, the same that had to be on her face, too. He gave Toothless a subtle sign and was flying close by her side a moment later. “I know. But I have to do something.” He gave her an apologetic look and she nodded shortly, mouthing a quiet Be safe! before he flew off without another word.

“Okay, guys, we need to distract the dragons. The sooner we draw the attention of the Alphas the better,” she said all business-like.

“And that’s good… why?” asked Eret, clinging somewhat funnily to Skullcrusher’s saddle.

“If they stop focusing on each other and on Toothless instead, he might be able to chase the big one off. That’s what we did the last times, at least,” she explained shortly. Then she turned her attention to Hiccup’s mother, knowing that she wouldn’t like to be involved in fighting dragons, no matter how indirect. “Valka? You go and look for the egg. Make sure it’s safe.” The older woman nodded, and directly flew off to one of the smaller islands farther west.

Grimly, Astrid turned her attention back to the chaos of fighting dragons. “You know what to do. Go!” she commanded, and was about to dive into the melee when Eret’s voice held her back.

“And what if I don’t know?”

Sighing, she rolled her eyes, but held back as Snotlout, Fishlegs, and the Twins flew past her. “Just keep the dragons from fighting each other. Distract them. Fly between them, divert their attacks, whatever you can come up with. If they stop doing what the Alpha wants them to do, it’s going to draw his attention sooner or later.”

Eret gave her a look as if he thought her insane, but nodded hesitantly. Not wasting any more time, Astrid gave Stormfly a sign to follow the others into the chaos.

. o O o .

There seemed to be no end. No matter how often Stormfly dove in to separate two fighting dragons, or how often she chased away two opponents with her Spineshots, there always seemed to be more. More dragons fighting, more dragons getting injured. More dragons falling…

Astrid had lost sight of her friends. They had to be around here, too, but she had no idea where. She didn’t know whether Valka had found the egg, whether it was safe. She didn’t know how Toothless was doing, only that he, obviously, hadn’t succeeded yet. And she also didn’t know whether Hiccup had found Drago.

That hadn’t been part of the official plan, but she knew that Hiccup would look for him. Even if she had tried to talk him out of that, or even to forbid it, he would have done so anyway. All she could hope was that her gut would tell her if he was in any danger. So far, it had never erred.

And it didn’t today, either.

She flinched slightly as she suddenly felt someone behind her, but could immediately tell that it was Hiccup. His arms slid around her waist – not only to have something to hold on to – and he pressed a quick peck into her hair in greeting.

“Afternoon, Milady. Do you have space for a passenger?” he asked cheerfully which served to somewhat ease her worries.

“Sure, but hold on tight. I see a Thunderdrum about to attack that Timberjack over there.” He did as told, squeezing her tightly as Stormfly flew between the two dragons to divert their attacks and attention. “How's it going?” she asked once they had a moment to breathe.

“Fairly well, I'd say. The two big ones are close to focus their attention on Toothless, and he dropped me here before I can get between them. But these here are the last fighting dragons. It should be over soon.”

“And what then? Have you found Drago? If you're right and he's still controlling the black one, then it won't be over until he's dealt with.” Oh, please, she prayed inwardly. Please, let it be over…

But she wasn’t that lucky.

“No, I didn’t find him,” Hiccup said despondently. “I can’t shake off the feeling that he’s somehow behind all this, but there’s no clue where he could be. Maybe his Bewilderbeast only came here for the female, after all.”

Astrid nodded mutely. That had always been a possibility. She was about to ask whether they should fly and look for their friends when it happened.

Somewhere to the left of them, a big explosion separated another group of fighting dragons. Astrid turned her head in that direction just in time to see three Nadders bolting in their direction, but not to give Stormfly a sign to dodge them. The talons of the closest one missed her only by an inch, maybe less. She’d even felt it brushing her hair.

Hiccup, however, wasn’t that lucky.

She heard a dull thump as the frightened dragon hit his head and then his low grunt before his hold on her waist loosened. She felt him slit to the side and off Stormfly’s back, but it all happened too fast for her to grab him.

“No!” she screamed, uselessly reaching after him as Stormfly flew into the other direction, following the frightened Nadders. For an endless second, all she could do was stare after him as he plummeted toward the ocean. This was hardly the first time anyone of them fell off a dragon. Frequently, Hiccup even jumped off Toothless, just to use his crazy flight suit. But usually, Hiccup wasn’t unconscious when doing so.

Astrid only had this one second to decide.

Then she dove after him.

If he fell into the water, unconscious as he was, he would drown. Sure, if they hit the surface from this height, that might be both their fates, but she couldn’t think of that now. Now, she had to somehow reach him. She had to!

“Hiccup!” she yelled against the rushing air and the thunderous noise of the fights around them. “Hiccup, wake up! Thor-dammit, HICCUP!” He couldn’t hear her, it was impossible. It was too loud around them, and that Nadder had hit him hard.

And yet, he opened his eyes.

He blinked, clearly dazed and not comprehending what was happening. She saw how his eyes found her, saw his confusion as he stretched one arm to reach out for her.

“Your suit,” she cried. It was their only chance, the only thing that could save them. If he would use his flight suit to slow their fall…

Hiccup’s eyes cleared as realisation hit him. Frantically, he fumbled about with the loops at his legs – but they weren’t there.

Because there had been no time to change clothes.

“Shit!” he cursed, eyes searching frantically for something else, anything else that could save them, and Astrid felt something she hadn’t felt in a long time.

She felt fear.

She had almost reached him now, with her falling straight like a stick and his flapping cloak slowing him down, but what did it matter? Their hands were touching, but that wouldn’t slow them, wouldn’t soften the impact.

The last thing Astrid noticed was Hiccup’s protective arms around her as they tumbled toward the sea.

. o O o .

The next thing Astrid remembered was the cold. She was so cold.

Everything was dark and quiet. It even would have been peaceful, hadn’t it been so damn cold.

Then the world began to return to her, and with it came the pain. There was a horrible burning sensation in her throat and her whole body felt battered and bruised. She couldn’t even move, her body too heavy to react. And when a frantic voice was calling her name, it took her way too long to find back into consciousness.

“Astrid!” his urgent voice whispered into her thoughts. “Come on, Astrid, wake up!” There was a weird pressure on her chest, but she still couldn’t react. She wanted to reassure him that she was fine, but somehow couldn’t do so. “No, don’t do that to me. Astrid, please!” he sounded desperate now. She felt cool lips against her own, then that weird pressure again, but this time, it seemed to dislodge something inside her.

Pain shot through her as the water left her lungs, coughing and gagging, as she rolled to the side and tried to sit up.

“Oh, thank Thor! You’re alive,” echoed Hiccup’s voice into her dazed mind as if from afar. She felt his reassuring arms around her, holding her tight as she slowly regained her senses.

“Wha… happen’d,” she croaked, wincing at her aching throat. She coughed some more, groaning quietly while Hiccup explained hurriedly.

“We fell into the ocean. Stormfly fished us out, but… but it took her a while to find us, and you… you were unconscious, and…” he trailed off, squeezing her tightly against his chest. “I thought I lost you…”

Astrid laughed shakily and regretted it instantly as the laughter turned into more coughing. “You won’t get rid of me that easily.”

. o O o .

Some while later, she sat close to a burning campfire and was wrapped into Tuffnut’s warm blanket. The one from her own saddleback was drenched. She was still shivering, but already felt much better.

Hiccup sat behind her, his arms pulling her against his chest to help keeping her warm. It was strange. He had been equally soaked by the ocean’s water, but somehow had warmed up much quicker than her. Maybe because he hadn’t swallowed what felt like gallons of the icy water…

Around them, their friends were talking, but she only listened with half an ear.

“What happened to the Bewilderbeasts?” someone asked. Eret maybe?

She felt Hiccup swallow. “They separated and are both gone. They’re both still alive, that’s something at least,” he said, voice bare of any emotions. “Have you found any signs of Drago?”

From the corner of her eye, Astrid saw how Eret shook his head. “No,” he said curtly. “Skullcrusher and I looked everywhere but found no sign of him. He must have gone with the Bewilderbeast, if he was even here.”

Hiccup seemed to accept that explanation without any further comment. She knew how much he’d hoped to once and for all get rid of Drago. But it seemed as if their search would go on.

Across from her she saw how Ruffnut treated a mean burn on Snot’s arm, but before she could start to worry for her friend, she got distracted by Valka. She kneeled down beside her and handed her a mug of some warm and acrid smelling liquid which she accepted grudgingly. The tea tasted even worse, but it helped to warm her up so she didn’t complain.

“Is the egg safe at least?” Hiccup asked quietly, and Valka nodded with a smile.

“I only found old shells,” she replied cheerily. “It must have hatched some while ago. I guess they were only still here to wait for the hatchling to grow a bit. But it looks like they’re gone now. The other one must have chased them off. They’ll be hiding deep down in the ocean now. The mother will know how to defend her child there. Besides, if Drago really is still with the dark one, then it can’t dive that deep. They’re safe.”

Hiccup nodded, then turned his head in another direction. “What about the other dragons?”

“Nothing too worse,” Fishlegs replied despondently. “At least considering the chaos in the beginning. Some... fell. But we were able to treat those who just got wounded. Nearly all of them are going to make it… I think. These islands provide enough food and shelter, and without someone influencing their minds, they should stay peaceful until they all can fly back to where they belong.”

Again, Hiccup nodded. “Okay. We’ll rest here for another two hours and then fly back.” Everyone grunted in agreement, and then went to care for their dragons, leaving them alone. When they were all gone, his arms around her tightened and he buried his face in the crook of her neck. “Never do that again!” he whispered in a desperate tone.

Despite the seriousness in his voice, Astrid laughed shakily. “What, saving your life?”

“Risking your own while doing so,” he corrected her. “Jumping off your dragon like that, that was careless.”

She snorted. “Please tell me you see the irony of what you just said,” she said flatly.

“Yeah, well, I have my armour with my flight suit on when I’m doing so,” came his agitated answer. “But you didn’t. You don’t even have one. Why did you just jump like that? You could have–” he broke off and swallowed. When he continued, his voice was nothing but a weak tremble. “You could have died. I can’t lose you, Astrid. Not like this, not ever. I can’t imagine a world without you, remember?” She did remember, and it made her own agitation melt away in an instant.

Instead of yelling at him, as she’d felt like only moments before, she awkwardly turned around to look at him. “And do you remember that it’s the same for me?” she asked softly. “You were falling into your death. And I can’t live without you, Hiccup. I can’t. Together, or not at all.”

Hiccup stared at her for a moment, then took a shaky breath and leaned his forehead against hers. “You scared me,” he whispered. He sounded so vulnerable.

“I’m sorry,” she breathed back. She reached up to place her hand on his cheek. “I promise to be more careful the next time, if you promise the same.”

Astrid saw how his lips twitched into an involuntary smile. “I promise.”

For a few minutes, they were quiet. Occasionally, their lips met in light reassuring kisses, but mostly, they simply basked in their closeness. It took a while until either of them had gathered enough courage to ask the question that occupied both their minds.

“Do you think…” Hiccup finally asked hesitantly, lightly caressing her belly. “Everything’s all right?”

Astrid closed her eyes and swallowed. She wished she could give him a more satisfying answer. “I don’t know,” she whispered weakly. “I… don’t feel any different. But nothing has changed, really. We’ll still have to wait to know for sure.” He nodded mutely, but she felt how he grew tense at the mere idea they could have lost the child they didn’t even were sure of.

Casting about for something to distract them both, she caught up on something he’d said earlier. It was something she’d contemplated before already, but now seemed a good opportunity to bring it up.

“But as for your armour,” she began, but Hiccup interrupted her directly.

“I’m not going to discard of it, if that’s where you’re going,” he said determinedly. “It saved me way too many times, the flight suit especially. I rather wish you’d let me make one for you, too. That would–”

“Actually,” she interrupted him with an amused smirk. “That’s where I was going.” Her smirk widened into an honest grin when she saw Hiccup’s confusion.

“Excuse me?”

“I want armour, like yours. Well, no, not exactly like yours, but… Well, as it seems, we’re going to have a lot more fighting to do in the near future. And I just feel like… I don’t know, like my normal battle outfit isn’t doing it anymore. The hood is warm, but the wind keeps catching in it, and it really gets cold sometimes. I don’t like the cold, have I ever mentioned that?”

“I think that might have come up that one time on Glacier Island,” he said teasingly, rubbing her bare arms to keep the cold at bay. He looked far more relaxed now, his eyes expectantly on her, so she continued.

“I want something more practical, more… more streamlined. Something that doesn’t get caught in the wind all the time. I’m not sure whether I really want a flight suit, but,” she trailed off when she remembered Snotlout’s burn from earlier. “Oh, and maybe even something fireproof. I mean, I’m not riding a Nightmare, but being around dragons all the time also means the occasional burn, especially in the heat of a fight.”

Hiccup’s expression had turned into a cheeky smirk by now. “Is that all?” he asked, eyebrows raised. “Practical, warm, fireproof. And I bet it’s supposed to also look splendidly? Reflect your personality and underline your badassness?”

“Well...” she made hesitantly. She surely wouldn’t say no to all that, but somehow, he seemed to be in a far too good mood all of a sudden. As if he wasn’t taking her seriously, was making fun of her. But before she could say any more, he burst out laughing.

“Oh, Astrid, I love you. Did I ever tell you that?” He pressed a quick kiss to her cheek and then nuzzled her neck until she giggled, too.

“Hiccup, what–”

He didn’t let her finish. Instead, he leaned down to kiss her, still occasionally laughing against her lips. When he retreated, he had that lopsided smile on his face that she loved so much. “Astrid, I was just waiting for you to agree to wear such an armour. I’ve been thinking about it, you know? Especially the fireproof-part. If we reinforce the leather with discarded dragon scales and in addition treat it with Eruptodon saliva, then it should be able to protect us from any burns, at least for a while. I already made plans for armour like this for you. Actually, not just for you, but for everyone else, too. You’re right, these fights are becoming more dangerous, and we need to be prepared for that. I–” he paused, his hand dropping to her belly once more, and a softer smile spread across his face. “We just need to find a way to make it fit for as long as you want or can fly, but that should be manageable.”

Astrid gaped at him, dumbfounded. But, of course, she shouldn’t be surprised. This was Hiccup, after all. With a small smile, she remembered what he’d said on that day all those years ago, the day she considered to be one of the most important of her life.

“You’re right, you’re right. I-I’m through with the lies. I-I’ve been making… outfits! So, you got me. It’s time everyone knew.”

Instead of an answer, which he clearly seemed to expect, she pulled him down into a deep kiss, fully intending on robbing him of his senses for the moment. When they parted again, gasping, he blinked a few times, dazed, and then threw her a bemused look. “And… what was that for?”

Astrid grinned, and replied, “That was for always staying who you are.”

. o O o .

So, that was that :o) I want to point out that I had already planned for this story to end on a conversation about armour for Astrid when the pictures of HTTYD3 were released. So I freaked out a bit when I saw them all in dragon armour and simply had to implement the more detailed conversation here.

As always, likes, reblogs, and comments are very welcome :)

#Leffie #Leffie-draws-fanart #HTTYD #httyd fanfiction #httyd fandom #hiccstrid drabble #hiccstrid #hiccstrid fanfiction #Into The Hidden World #shipmistress9

199 notes · View notes

soupsandwichpizza · 6 years ago

Photo

Fundamental Shifts in Self Realization

I hate being called “Sir”. I hate it with such a passion that it makes me want to turn on the person saying that to me and verbally eviscerate them.

But I also don’t like being called “Ma’am”. While my reaction to this is somewhat less evocative, it is nonetheless, a negative reaction all the same.

What would I prefer in place of “Sir” or “Ma’am”? I have no fucking clue.

After so much time being seen as male, it’s been like a soothing balm to finally be seen as female. I’ve been able to explore aspects of myself that I’d previously shut down and pushed away from my center. I’ve swung from very masculine into very feminine, almost as a reaction to my being forced to be something I’m not for so many decades. I’ve stayed there for a while now, but I’ve been slowly stepping down from hyper-femme into what I’m now calling enby-femme. For those who don’t know, enby is literally the letters ‘N’ and ‘B’, and it stands for “non-binary”. Which is to say, I’m feminine, but not entirely.

The binary definition of gender that we accept in our society today tells us that you are either MALE or FEMALE. While I’ve known since the beginning of my journey that there are those outside the binary, like many of us, I’ve had a hard time accepting anything outside the gender binary box. I was able to accept it and respect it in others, but to consider that I could be non-binary myself? Psssshht! Naw, that’s just silly!

And why?

Fear.

I was afraid that I wouldn’t be seen as valid, that if I was anything other than hyper femme, people would say that I’m not transgender.

I was afraid to go less than “all the way”. I couldn’t let myself land somewhere in the middle, because anywhere in the middle between the binary of male and female was unacceptable by society.

I was afraid that I wouldn’t be taken seriously and that the parts of me which are masculine would over shadow my femininity.

So, as far as I can tell, this is how things are for me right now. And, I say right now because it can change. Transition is a journey, some would say the ultimate journey, of self-discovery. I know more about myself now than I’ve ever thought possible. And I’ve come to believe that humans are always evolving, always adapting, always changing depending on a lot of different factors. The core of who we are may stay the same, but as we get older, we begin to distill who we are into an ever more concise definition of the kind of person we’ve always been. And so, here is the person I have been distilled into in this place and this time.

Male pronouns piss me off. They cause angst, anxiety, and an expectation that I’m supposed to be something that I’m not and something that I could never be. It’s something that I tried very hard to be for a very long time and it fills me with dread, depression, and hatred of myself whenever they are directed at me. Because I tried to live up to a standard that was impossible for me to achieve. Because I’m not male, never was, and never could be.

Female pronouns are okay. In fact, they were great at first! But more and more, I find that they aren’t entirely accurate. I prefer they be used over male pronouns, obviously, but they are also not painting the correct picture. Think of it like when someone looks much younger than they actually are and how they are okay being referred to as a girl, but they really wish people would start talking to them like an adult. It’s kind of like that, it’s close, but doesn’t quite fit.

So, what would I prefer? Right now, I’m good with They/Them/Their. I don’t care if you don’t like it or think it’s odd or grammatically incorrect (pro-tip: it isn’t!) The more I think about it, the more I like these pronouns.

Does this mean I’m going to de-transition or stop where I’m at? HELL NO!!

I like looking like a woman. I think I look a hundred times better than I did before! And I have every intention of going through with my bottom surgery in the spring! And I have every intention of having another Facial Feminization Surgery when I can afford it! And I have every intention of getting to be a C cup even if I have to pay for that surgery too!

But if you’ve been paying attention to my FB account, you’ll notice that I’ve not been very feminine lately. You’ll notice that I stopped posting pictures of myself for a long while there and it’s only recently that I’ve begun to post pictures again. And it isn’t because I don’t like makeup or looking cute. I love looking cute! But I also like looking bad ass and mean occasionally. I like being tough, I like knowing that I can do a lot of “guy things” better than most guys! And I don’t think that my self-image should have to bend to the will of society when society can’t even get it’s act together on something as basic as equal rights and basic human decency!

So, if you know me, if you call me your friend, I ask that you please use the They/Them/Their pronouns for me. If you slip up and use She/Her/Hers, not a big deal, I just appreciate the effort. But if you slip up and use He/Him/His? You best make an apology real quick, and make sure it doesn’t happen again.

I appreciate your support in this everyone, thanks for being so awesome!

#SoupSandwichPizza #BecomingWhoYouAre #TransIsBeautiful #IKnowWhoIAm

2 notes · View notes

13eyond13 · 7 years ago

Note

Do you have any headcanons about B? Like if B had an older sister what would their relationship be like? Sorry if that's weird but I'd like to think If he had a better support system he wouldn't have done the whole LABB thing

Hi Anon, thank you so much for asking! I love getting headcanonquestions, especially about B.This is such an interestingquestion! I’ve never imagined Beyond as anything but an only childbefore, just because B’s only relatives mentioned in the novel arehis parents. He was seemingly orphaned after their deaths, so you’reright, he likely didn’t have a good support network or other closefamily capable of taking care of him. We were only told a fewvague sentences about B’s past: We were told:

[1]B had a father who was murdered by a mugger.[2] B had a motherwho died in a train crash.[3] B had the shinigami eyes sincebirth, somehow.[4]B knew what the lifespans meant, and knew that he was incapable ofever changing the numbers.

I really do like the idea of Bwith a protective older sister, though, and how that might have changed things for him. I’ll run through how Iimagine this AU might have looked if he did:(this turned out VERY long and very in-depth lol, like approx. 2500 words, and I totally understand if you don’t want to read the whole thing! I’ll put it under a cut here):

B’s BABY YEARS:

B’s sister is seven years older than him, because he was a surprise pregnancy for his parents.

She hates him at first, because she’s so used to being an only child, but he’s actually a very pleasant baby – quiet and alert and cheerful, doesn’t cry much.

His sister still hates him until he’s about two. She sometimes stands over his crib whispering mean things to him, but he just gazes up at her adoringly and smiles and coos at her until she feels very guilty about it, and goes away again.

B’s TODDLER YEARS:

B follows his big sister everywhere as soon as he can walk. He is very affectionate, always asking to be picked up and carried around. He snuggles into her neck and plays with her hair, and calls her a funny bungled version of her name, because he has trouble pronouncing his R’s. This melts her heart pretty quickly, and she soon forgets she ever resented him.

B’s sister finds she really likes playing mother with him – she loves getting him dressed and feeding him snacks, and teaching him things whenever he asks – which he does often, because he is a very curious & bright child.

B hits his childhood development milestones very early, and it’s speculated that he’s very intelligent, likely a certifiable genius. His medical checkups reveal nothing unusual about his brain or his eyes, but he always seems much older than he really is – about double his actual age, mentally at least.

B seems to daydream a lot, and to easily be distracted, especially if he’s in large crowds of people. He often says strange things that nobody can make sense of, but his family mostly writes it off as a personality quirk, or a byproduct of his big imagination.

His sister is very interested in nurturing B’s intelligence; their parents are always busy, both working hard to make ends meet, and so when she babysits B she starts teaching him to read and do math. He’s reading grade six level chapter books out loud to her by the time he’s three. B starts asking his family very strange questions soon after he becomes literate.

B’s EARLY CHILDHOOD YEARS:

B starts asking his family about all the floating numbers and the names. He points to the spot just above people’s heads and recites exactly what he sees out loud. He is shocked that nobody else can see them. He knows the name of anyone he sees, whether or not he’s ever met them before. “Why are your numbers so much longer than hers?” he might ask his sister, or “Why does the man’s name say this when we actually call him this?” “Why don’t I have any letters or numbers above my own head when I look in the mirror, or when I look at pictures of me?”

His family is astonished, and somewhat frightened. They quickly realize it is not just the strange imaginative games of a small child.

They start doing little experiments with him to make sense of it, and find it seems to be related specifically to B’s vision; he has to see a person’s face for it to work. He can point to any person in any photograph and tell you exactly what their name and number is, as long as their features aren’t obscured. The people in photographs only have numbers sometimes, he says; for example, his family shows him a book of old black & white war photographs, and according to B not a single person in it has numbers. He says the numbers are always changing for people he sees everyday, but that their names never do; he says that the numbers only ever get shorter for everyone, not longer.

B’s parents ask him about their own numbers. They ask about his sister’s, too, but B senses that the whole thing is making his sister feel very anxious. B trusts his sister’s intuition with all his heart and is very loyal to her, so he refuses to divulge any of his family’s numbers to anyone. His sister is very relieved by this, though she doesn’t fully know why yet; she is very proud of B and his unusual gifts, but something about the numbers part of it always gives her a queasy feeling in her stomach.

The whole numbers thing starts making sense for everyone once their elderly landlady dies and they attend her funeral. Four year old B says her numbers are completely gone now when he looks into the casket. He says the numbers are always pretty short for old people, but that hers were the shortest ones he’d ever seen.

B’s LATER CHILDHOOD YEARS:

Once it’s discovered what the numbers actually mean, B’s parents start fighting about it. His mother wants to use B’s abilities to make money, and pressures his father constantly about it.

B’s dad is just obsessed with finding out his own lifespan. He tries to coax it out of B nicely at first, then pressures him with guilt, but B will not budge on the matter, and remains very tight-lipped.

Theirparents start fighting secretly every night when B and his sister arein bed, and it’s always about whether or not they should attempt to make money off B’s talents. They try to be quiet, but the kids still overhear all of it. They could use the money to put both the kids through school and to move to a nicer neighbourhood, his mother says. It would be good for the whole family, if they were smart and careful about who they partnered up with, she says.

B and his sister become inseparable through all of this familial stress. B often asks to sleep in her bed with her when he has bad dreams, and so her pseudo mothering of B continues as he grows.

B’s sister never asks him about the numbers or the names, and just treats B like a normal person. She tries to focus his mind on other things, and aims to keep him feeling good about his abilities instead of guilty or stressed whenever he mentions them.

He confides in her during one of their sleepovers that he knows how to mostly work out the lifespan formula automatically now when he looks at people, but that it’s not totally flawless yet; the numbers are very tricky, but he thinks he can narrow the timeline down accurately to within a few weeks of the death date. He does these calculations automatically without meaning to every time he looks at people now, and he hates it.

He is very sad about finally understanding the lifespans of their parents, and says he wishes more than anything he knew of a way to make people’s numbers get longer instead of shorter.

B’s PRE-TEEN YEARS:

B’s dad loses his job, and starts seriously considering his wife’s insistence that B is their ticket out of their financial struggles. They start seriously scheming about maybe contacting some talent scouts to meet with, secretly after B goes to bed.

B’s sister internalizes B’s morbid knowledge about their parents’ lifespans, and starts growing up very quickly as a result. She takes on two part-time jobs while finishing up her final year in high school and saves up a lot of money.

B’s parents never end up actually monetizing his talents, but they do end up divorcing due to the constant fighting.

B’s sister moves out on her own as soon as she turns 18, into a crappy two bedroom apartment in the city near her work.

B’s parents both die soon after, within a year and a half of each other. It’s a very rough time for B and his sister, as they loved their parents dearly in spite of their flaws and have no other living family. Their parents left them with some debt, but B and his sister are each other’s emotional support all throughout the grieving, and manage to stay strong all throughout.

B’s TEEN YEARS:

B’s sister becomes his legal guardian, and he moves into her spare room. They happily stop talking about his strange abilities altogether.

They make a pretty good team when it comes to splitting the domestic duties. He loves to clean and does it for fun, so the place is always absolutely spotless.

B’s sister is generally an awful cook, but she knows how to make a mean sandwich, and she always keeps the place cozy and smelling nice by burning incense, and furnishing the rooms with the perfectly good things she finds thrifting. She has a real knack for interior design, and plans on maybe pursuing it someday, once B is finished high school and able to better financially contribute to the household.

When B is about fifteen years old, his sister notices that he’s never once shown an interest in girls. He also is very curious about her morning routine, and watches how she gets ready for work very closely. She never lets on that she notices this, but she starts casually narrating the steps she takes to apply her makeup and do her hair.

One day, B’s sister finds some of her foundation and eyeliner missing. It’s replaced again the next day, and neither of them say a word about it.

B is consistently the top student in his high school in all grades. He’s generally well-liked, though very shy, and doesn’t have many friends. His sister senses he’s afraid of getting attached to people because of his eyes, and feels sorry for him. She encourages him to join some sort of extracurricular program, saying he’d definitely have a better chance of getting into his dream schools if he was more involved.

B joins the drama club at school, and it helps him come out of his shell socially. At first he just volunteers as a stage hand, helping the actors with their costumes and their stage makeup, but eventually he works up the courage to audition for a play, too. He is a natural, and gets the lead part. B’s sister tries to help him practice his lines when she gets home from work, but she’s often too tired. She suggests that maybe he could invite some of the other cast members over to practice sometime, instead.

B invites only one other cast member over to practice; a very cute guy with long blond hair, leather pants, and a rosary around his neck. This guy seems to have been under the impression that there were other people coming too, and looks very uncomfortable about the whole situation. B’s sister feels the awkward vibes between them immediately and wants nothing more than to makes herself scarce, but she feels too bad for the guy to leave. She hangs around all night despite B’s pointed glares, and makes a pot of mushy, overcooked spaghetti for them all to share. The cute blond guy chokes it down politely and leaves as soon as he can, saying he just remembered he needs to go pick up his best friend Matt from work.

B’s school play goes very well, and the student newspaper reports his performance as the stand-out highlight of the whole thing. B tells his sister that maybe he’d prefer to move to Hollywood someday and pursue acting. She’s torn between encouraging him to follow his less practical dreams, and wishing he’d make something of his incredible smarts and aim for an ivy league school, instead. She decides to hold her tongue and let him decide on his own.

Eventually, B’s sister gets a nice boyfriend named Stephan Gevanni, and he moves in with them after a few months. He’s a sweetheart, and a very good cook, and he fills that hole in their home nicely by making delicious suppers every night. B is very blushingly awkward around Stephan, and hides in his room all the time, writing in his diary, obsessively reading manga, and listening to dramatic movie soundtracks on repeat. He gradually stops being embarrassed about his interest in makeup, as his time as a stage hand helps him feel more comfortable about it. Soon he’s wearing subtle eyeliner and foundation every day, and it looks very good on him. That cute blond guy he invited over even asked B for tips on how he pulls it off so well, he says with pride.

At some point, B comes home from school saying he’s just had the oddest day at school. He was pulled out of class all day for some very cryptic testing, which he was told was a standardized government thing. B didn’t believe for one minute that it was, but he couldn’t make sense of what else it could be, either. He said the test was the hardest thing he’d ever taken in his life, but that he had a lot of fun with it, too.

Two weeks later, B gets an elegantly embossed letter in the mail. He’s passed the cryptic testing with flying colours, and is one of the elite few finalists being invited to meet with a man who runs some of the most prestigious private schools in the country. The one they think B would make the best fit for is called Wammy’s House in England, which they would allow him to attend on full scholarship, no questions asked. B reads the letter out loud to his sister and Stephan over dinner with shaking hands, though he claims to find it silly and acts like he doesn’t care at all.

B’s sister thoroughly researches this school for the gifted, and finds she can figure out very little about it outside of the fact that it indeed exists. She’s extremely proud of B for being selected as a candidate, but her sharp intuition is giving her a very nasty feeling about it, nonetheless. She chooses to hold her tongue and see what B will choose, deciding she will whole-heartedly support his choice either way.

B decides after a lot of agonizing to politely reject the offer from the mysterious school, saying he’s finally feeling at home in his own skin for the first time in his life, and would miss his new friends at school too much. He said he needs some more time to figure himself out, first, no matter how flattering the school’s offer is. His sister breathes a secret sigh of relief, and she and Stephan makes B a lovely cake with strawberry filling for dessert that night, because they knows it’s his very favourite.

15 notes · View notes

pocket-luv101 · 8 years ago

Text

I just wanted to write jealous Hyde and Licht reassuring him in this fluffy moment but it kinda edged to NSFW-ish but not that far. Also, Licht dealing with a crazy fangirl so Hyde is both protective and jealous.

“Another one?” Hyde was becoming annoyed with Licht’s latest fan as he unwrapped the chocolate. The person would send him dark chocolate and love letters for days on end. Licht preferred white chocolate that had the delicate flavour of clouds and made one feel like they were flying with doves. So, he would always give Hyde the dark chocolate he didn’t want. “Lichtan, aren’t you worried about this fan?”

“Why should I be worried? It’s just a fan,” Licht skimmed the letter before he placed it back on the table with the other gifts he received since he returned to Japan. He was a famous pianist so Hyde knew that he would have fans but it was strange for one to be so persistent. Licht didn’t seem to be as worried though. “My interview is going to start soon. Don’t even think about causing trouble while I’m gone.”

“C’mon, Lichtan, have a little more faith in me. I’m always on my best behaviour. Here, let me fix you up a little bit.” Hyde took Licht’s tie and straightened it for him. He stood a little closer than needed but Licht didn’t push him away. He tucked a loose strand of hair behind Licht’s ear and then leaned down to whisper. “You look so good that I'm tempted to steal you away.”

Licht rolled his eyes and kicked Hyde’s shin. Cursing slightly, he crouched to the ground and hugged his legs. “Too cruel, Angel-chan. Why can’t you just flirt back for once?”

“I don’t have time for this, Shit Rat.” Licht sighed and knelt in front of him. He looked around to make sure that Kranz couldn’t hear them before he whispered. “Behave and I’ll give you a reward tonight. Your shift ends at ten, right? We can to go on a date after you get off work. There’s a party after my performance but I can sneak out early.”

“A date?” Hyde’s eyes couldn’t be any brighter as he smiled. It always surprised him how pure the smile of a demon could be and it made his heart flutter a little whenever he saw it. “Don’t worry, I won’t do anything to mess with your interview. I can’t wait.”

“You’re too simple, Greedy Hedgehog.” Licht stood and brushed off the dirt from his pants. Even though his words were a little cold, Hyde continued to smile. They had been busy since they arrived in Japan so they haven’t been able to go out much. Hyde had to admit that he was becoming a little lonely.

Licht glanced at him with a small smile before going to his interview. Hyde followed close behind him and watched the interview from the sidelines. Interviews weren’t Licht’s favourite part of being an pianist because he would much rather spend his time with his piano but they were still essential for promoting his tour. The interviewer asked him the typical questions so Hyde began to focus on the catering table.

“So, do you have a girlfriend?” The question brought Hyde’s attention back to the interview.

“No, I don’t.” Licht answered and his eyes naturally wondered to Hyde. Their eyes met and held for a few seconds before he forced himself to turn back to the girl interviewing him. He felt Hyde’s eyes on him and he could imagine the grin he had very well. “I do have a pretty annoying—”

“I guess it would be pretty hard to have a relationship when you’re so famous and always travelling.” She cut him off before he could finish. Hyde noticed her blush and wondered about the sudden topic change. “I’ve always been a fan of yours. Can you tell me and your other female fans what you look for in a partner? What does someone have to do to win your heart?”

“… I like someone that reaches for their dreams. No matter how many times they fall or become scared, if they still have the will to continue, they’re incredibly strong and brave. Even if they need someone to help them up, you can still respect them for standing again.” Licht looked at Hyde again with a small blush. “They’re annoyingly persistent sometimes but you can depend on a person like that.”

“I see!” The reporter nodded enthusiastically and Licht was reminded that he was in an interview. He tried to focus on the interview again but he found himself looking towards Hyde. He was chuckling and Licht threw him a glare that told him to stop. “With how busy you are, you need someone who’s willing to do anything for you. I certainly would.”

“Yeah,” Licht answered her absentmindedly because his attention was still on Hyde. He subtly mouthed to him, I told you to behave, Shit Rat. Do you not want to go on a date?

I do! I’ll be good now. Hyde mouthed back and then he tried to hide his smile behind his scarf. He was an immortal vampire so he didn’t think that he could still feel like a love-struck teenager but he couldn’t deny how happy Licht made him. He could be surprisingly romantic at times and Hyde had to mouth back, I love you too.

Licht gave him a shy nod before he turned back to the interview. The question returned to his tour so Hyde tried to think of what they could do on their date. As he was excitedly making plans, he heard the woman next to him mumble. “What was she thinking asking something like that? I told her to stay focus on his tour and not let her personal feelings interfere.”

“Was she not supposed to ask about his love life?” Hyde asked her. She looked like a reporter and he wondered if she worked for the magazine as well.

“She wasn’t even supposed to be conducting the interview at all. She’s a little young and new to the job but she begged for the opportunity to interview Licht. Well, threatened anyone who tried to take the job would be more accurate. She’s a big fan of Licht and would spend her lunch breaks writing him love letters.” She explained. “It’s okay to be a fan but I wish she would be professional.”

“Seems like a big fan,” Hyde muttered with a frowned and watched her carefully.

I just escaped the party and I don’t think anyone saw me. I’ll be there in ten minutes so just wait out front for me. Licht texted Hyde as he walked to his workplace. He had to return to their hotel room to change out of his suit so he was a little late for their date. Hyde didn’t seem to be upset because he sent him a torrent of cheesy texts. They made Licht smile but he would die of embarrassment if anyone read them.

Licht found himself walking a little faster to meet Hyde. Then, he realized that a pair of footsteps quickened as well. He looked behind him and his instincts began to scream. Tsubaki had been quiet lately so he let down his guard. He scanned the crowd but he didn’t see any demons. Of course, they could easily blend in with humans and Licht tightened his grip on his phone.

He walked to one of the less populated streets and made sure to appear casual. Licht tried to listen for any footsteps distinct from the others and varied his steps. Every time he stopped, the footsteps following him would stop. When he walked quicker, the person did as well. Licht swore beneath his breath because he knew he couldn’t fight a demon with so many humans around him. They would be caught in the crossfire and Licht, as an angel, couldn’t endanger innocent people.

He quickly called Hyde’s number and waited impatiently for him to answer. “Hey, Lichtan. Are you here early? I’m just putting on my jacket so I’ll be out in a bit.”

“I think a subclass is following me.” Licht whispered so the person following him couldn’t hear him. He scanned the street and saw a deserted alley. “I’m two blocks from you so meet me in the alley between a bookstore and a flower shop. Keep people from entering until I finish him off.”

“Wait, Lichtan, don’t fight him on your own!” Hyde screamed into the phone but Licht ignored him. He fought demons before and won so he didn’t see why he shouldn’t try to fight the subclass. Licht turned off the phone and ran into the alley. Like he predicted, the person followed him. When he felt a hand on his shoulder, he turned sharply to kick the person.

He was barely able to stop himself when he saw that it wasn’t a vampire but the girl that interviewed him that morning. She looked shocked and Licht lowered his leg with an apology. “Sorry, I thought that you were someone else. You’re Kurami, right?”

“You remembered my name?” She smiled eagerly and Licht nodded. Kurami mumbled something else but Licht didn’t hear her. He looked down at his phone and wondered if he should call Hyde to tell him not to worry. He could easily picture Hyde running to help him and it made him smile a little. Kurami thought his smile was for her so she took his hand.

“I wanted to talk to you alone. After our interview, I knew that I had to.” She said excitedly and Licht tried to take his hand back but she had a death grip on it. “I wanted to talk to you before our interview but I couldn’t catch you alone. You’re always with that blonde bodyguard of yours. He’s stands too close to you. I think he has feelings for you but don’t worry about him. I’ll take care of him.”

“Are you talking about Hyde? What do you mean by ‘take care of him’?” Licht roughly broke away from her. She was a normal human so he didn’t want to hurt her but said coldly, “If you’re here for another interview, arrange one with Kranz. But if you want some story about Hyde, give up. I’m not letting you touch him.”

“Why are you acting so protective of him now? I thought you hated him by the way you’re always arguing with him and calling him Shit Rat.” She was screaming now and she looked confused so Licht thought that it would be best to tell her the truth.

“Hyde’s my boyfriend but don’t even think about making some story out of him to sell papers.” Licht said and a silence fell over them. Shock was written on her face but Licht felt more annoyed with her than sympathetic. “Look, I need to go now. If you don’t need anything else, I’m leaving.”

“Wait!” She took his arm and her grip was almost painful. “You said you weren’t dating anyone!”

“I said I didn’t have a girlfriend.” Licht corrected her but that only seemed to make her angrier because her nails began to dig into his arm. “Let go of me.”

“What about the rest of the interview?” She ignored him and began to rant. “You said that you liked someone that reached for their dreams and who was persistent. I thought you found out those love letters were from me and you were trying to tell me that you felt the same way. Why were you flirting with me if you didn’t?”

“I wasn’t flirting with you. I answered your questions and you looked too much into nothing. Let go of me. Hyde’s waiting for me and—” Licht stopped when a cold gun was pressed to his heart. He swallowed slightly and became still. Even with how fast he was, he wouldn’t be able to dodge the bullet when the gun was so close to him. “Put that away.”

“No! You played with me. And you call yourself an angel?” She screamed and Licht watched her finger on the trigger carefully. The moment her grip on the gun faltered, he hit her hand. The gun discharged but Licht was quicker. He dropped to the ground and rolled away from the bullet. Unfortunately, he hit a wall and groaned painfully.

She regained her balance the same time Licht did and she levelled her gun at him again. Licht cursed beneath his breath and tried to find something he could use to defend himself without hurting her. He heard the gun go off and closed his eyes instinctively.

After a moment, Licht realized he didn’t feel any pain and he opened his eyes. Hyde was standing in front of him with his hand over the gun. He tried to stop the bullet with his hand but it went through his palm and into his shoulder. Hyde dug out the bullet from his shoulder and threw it onto the ground. She stared at Hyde in shock and horror as he casually pried the gun from her hands.

“I’m a gentleman so I don’t hurt women as a rule. Of course, that doesn’t apply to people who hurt my loved ones.” Hyde said slowly as he unloaded the gun. Once the gun was useless, he threw it aside and glared at her. “Stop with the letters and give up on Licht. Don’t think about going after Licht’s career either. Try to hurt him in any way and there’s not a place on this earth that you can hide from me.”

They had fought many times but never once had Licht heard him sound so threatening. Licht was shocked but she looked petrified with fear. Even after Hyde turned away from her, she could only stare at him. He held out his uninjured hand to Licht, “Lets go.”

“Kranz’s going to be mad at us when he gets back.” Licht said as he wiped the blood from Hyde’s hand. They had returned to their hotel room to take care of his wounds. His injuries were already beginning to heal but Licht still insisted on treating them. “What if she goes to the police?”

“We’ll deal with it if that happens but it probably won’t. She’ll have to explain how she obtained a gun and that she pointed it at you. People are going to think she’s crazy once she tells them that the guy she shot barely got hurt by the gunshot like a zombie.” Hyde pointed out. There was still something uncertain in his voice and he lowered his forehead onto Licht’s shoulder. “I probably scared you, didn’t I? I bet I looked like a monster. Don’t be afraid of me.”

“Stupid Hedgehog…” He couldn’t see Hyde’s expression but he could feel him trembling a little. When faced with a gun, he didn’t even flinch but the thought of Licht rejecting him shook him with fear. Licht wrapped his arms around his neck and rubbed his cheek against his hair. “How can I be afraid of you when I already know what you are? You’re a demon but you’re not a monster.”

Hyde looked up from his shoulder and there was no hint of fear in Licht’s eyes. He only pressed the wet towel to his bare shoulder and washed off the blood on his chest. “I could’ve save myself but… thank you for protecting me.”

“A rare show of affection from my Lichtan is well worth that bullet.” Hyde relaxed and chuckled painfully. He wrapped his arms around Licht’s waist and pulled him onto his lap. He brushed his lips over his neck and he pushed his sweater off his shoulder as much as he could. He whispered against his skin. “But can I have your blood too. I need it to heal faster.”

They both knew that it was a blatant lie because his wounds had already closed. Still, Licht tilted his head for Hyde. He gasped a little when Hyde pushed him down onto the bed and bit his neck. He was being a little rougher than usual as he lapped at his blood. Licht hissed when his hand wondered beneath his shirt and heat spread wherever Hyde touched.

“How dare she try to take you away from me? You’re mine.” Hyde lapped at his blood greedily. He always tried to hold himself back when he fed, not wanting to take too much of his blood, but the image of Licht in front of a gun flashed in his mind again. He nibbled on his collarbone before he bit him, marking him again. The only thing Hyde wanted more than his blood was to hear Licht cry his name so he buried his face in the crook of his neck. Between his tongue and his teeth, Licht began to come undone and needy moans fell from his lips.

Hyde basked in his whimpers and mewls but it still wasn’t enough for him. He wanted more. Even when Licht wrapped his legs around his waist and drew him closer, he needed more. A shiver ran over Licht’s body and Hyde wanted to feel it again so he cupped the bulge between his legs. Hyde muffled the little moan he made with a kiss. He barely gave Licht the chance to breathe as he kissed him deeply and stole any resistance he had with his tongue. Licht groaned into the kiss as Hyde rubbed his hand over his crotch.

“Damnit, Licht.” Hyde broke the kiss and Licht could finally breathe again. He looked down at the hickeys and bite marks decorating his neck and growled. Between words, he nipped at Licht’s lips. “I don’t know if I can hold myself back tonight. I’m too angry. At her for pulling a fucking gun on you. At me for not getting there sooner. At you—”

“At me?” Licht pulled his hair to stop him from kissing him again. “You’re angry at me for having some crazy fangirl attack me?”

“You’re seriously going to stop me in the middle of sex?” Hyde tried undo Licht’s belt to get him in the mood again but he quickly slapped his hand. It was obvious that he wasn’t going to continue until he got an explanation. With a sigh, he said. “I’m angry with you but not for that. How can someone as perfect as you not know how people look at you? I warned you about those letters but you brushed them off. Don’t you realize what people think when you walk by? ‘Look at that beautiful angel, he must’ve descended from heaven. I think I’m in love.’”

“People don’t fall in love as easily as you do, Stupid Hyde.” Licht reached up and took off his glasses. Then he pulled him down and kissed his brow. It was a simple, affectionate gesture but it still sent a jolt of electricity through Hyde. “Were you jealous?”

“How can I not be when I have to share you with so many people? I’m the Servamp of Greed so sharing isn’t something I’m good at. I fucking hate it. You’re so beautiful that I can’t blame people for wanting you. Your hair, your eyes, your lips,” Hyde pressed a kiss to each feature he named. Then, he pushed up his shirt and kissed his chest. “And your heart. Every part of you is beautiful and I want you all to myself.”

“Stop being a greedy demon.” Licht ordered but his voice was a little breathless. He held Hyde’s face between his hands and forced him to look at him because he knew he wouldn’t be able to string together two thoughts while he was kissing him. “Look, you’re going to have to share me whether you like it or not. Do you want to keep me from my family? From my friends? From Neko-san?”

“Well, no.” Hyde knew that jealousy was a childish emotion but he couldn’t help how greedy he was for Licht. With the small admittance, Licht caressed his cheek. It was a small reward so Hyde kissed his palm, a silent plea for more. “But you shower way too much attention on Neko-san. Couldn’t you just group him with your friends instead of favouring him like that? Damn, I don’t know how to stop feeling jealous like this.”

“You really are hopeless, Shit Rat. Remind yourself that, whenever you’re with me, you have my attention and heart. Even when you’re not around, you fill my thoughts. During the interview, I was barely paying attention to her because my focus was on you. I didn’t even realize that she had feelings for me because all I saw was you. I only have eyes for you. That’s why I don’t really look too much into those fan letters. Their words can never mean as much to me as yours do.”

Licht pushed on his shoulder and threw Hyde onto his back. Before he could sit up, Licht straddled him. Licht pulled off his shirt and he began grinding on him. He could feel how hard Hyde was and Licht's pants were painfully tight as well but he forced himself to hold back. Licht trailed his fingers slowly down Hyde's chest to his pants. Hyde let out a strained sound and reached out for Licht.

“This is your punishment for being such a greedy and jealous demon.” He took his hands and pinned them to the bed. Licht leaned down and kissed his jaw. “I’m going to show you that you’re my one and only so you’ll never feel jealous again. Even if it takes me all night.”

When I was outlining this, I was actually going between LawLicht or KuroMahi but decided to use Licht because I thought he would be more likely to be in a situation like this.

#servamp #lawlicht #licht jekylland todoroki #servamp hyde #fanfiction #tw: stalker #man this was longer than i thought #had to add a cut

179 notes · View notes