#i always planned to show her workplace anyways but it is surprising that people sort of.. miss the cues

[idolomantises]

I'm gonna have to do a comic where Lili is at her job because the amount of people who still don't realize that she's a sex worker is a bit concerning.

[vivianweasley]

Pride and Prejudice (Chapter 1)

Summary: You are Draco’s cousin, and after the war, it was really difficult for you to find a job because of your last name. So your mother and Mrs. Weasley came up with a crazy idea. A fake marriage between you and Fred Weasley. 

Italics= flashback

Pairing: Fred Weasley x Malfoy!Fem!Reader

Warnings: workplace discrimination, slight slight mention of war

Word Count: 1.9k

Disclaimer: all the pictures used in the header are from Pinterest. Credit goes to the original owners.

Please do NOT repost or translate my work on another site without explicit permission! Thank you! Reblogs and comments are always welcome:)

Prologue

Two days after the dinner at the Burrow, you ran into your friend when you were shopping at Flourish and Blotts. She just got out of the Daily Prophet, and you could see a name tag on her chest stating that she’s now a reporter for the Daily Prophet.

“You got the job?” You didn’t know how to process this information. You and she were in the same year and same house. You both took the same classes, your grades were almost the same, and you both got the interview for Daily Prophet at the same time. The only difference was that she got the job, and you didn’t.

“Yes! Today’s the first day! Wait, you didn’t?” She was finding it hard to believe too.

Memories of the interview flashed back. You could still remember how the interviewer immediately furrowed his brows when he heard that your last name is Malfoy. The distrust, doubt, and even disgust on his face were so painfully visible.

You knew your background couldn’t provide any help when it comes to finding a job, but you still encouraged yourself by thinking that maybe it was because you weren’t good enough. If that’s so, you could always make up for it by working harder. But now you realized that, no matter how hard you worked, you would never be good enough for them because people would always make false assumptions about you based on your last name.

You felt dizzy. The whole Diagon Alley suddenly appeared foggy and dim, looking quite like your future, but you soon saw a lighthouse at the end of it. The brightness of the orange joke shop seemed to point out a way out for you as Mrs. Weasley and your mum’s suggestions rang in your ears.

“I need to go now!” The walk was only five minutes, but you couldn’t waste any time as you apparated right to the door of the joke shop.

“Well, this is rare!” The owner greeted you with a big grin on his face when you opened the door.

You didn’t have time to start this conversation with George, so you went right into your question, “I’m looking for Fred Weasley. Is he here?”

George was shocked as multiple questions ran through his brain. Wait, you could tell between him and Fred? But does he know you this well? Or maybe you have some history with Fred? Merlin! Y/N Malfoy? And Fred??

But he said nothing, just pointed at the back of the shop as he was still trying to process the situation.

“Thanks.” You rushed to the back of the shop and saw Fred sorting through the boxes in the storage.

“Fred Weasley.” You stated with a straight face.

“Y/N Malfoy?” Fred mimicked your tone as he still wasn’t sure what’s going on. What was this woman doing in his shop, anyway?

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

“No. Why? Do you fancy me? Did you fall in love with me after that one dinner?” he teased.

You ignored him and continued, “Do you fancy anyone? Are you dating someone? Talking to someone?”

“Not that I’m aware of?”

“Great. Let’s get married then.”

The boxes fell from Fred’s hands. This woman is absolutely mental! “I beg your pardon?”

“I said, let’s get married. After I got a steady job, we can get a divorce anytime.” You knew he’s going to laugh it off if you don’t up your game a little, so you frowned, pretending like you were disappointed, “Well, guess you don’t have the guts to do it.”

Fred knew what you were trying to do, but he was still completely under your control when you were basically giving him a dare. This should be fun, he decided. He never really hated you anyway. In fact, he actually really admired you back in Hogwarts.

Back in fifth year, Fred and George tried to prank you. It wasn’t because you did anything in particular. It was just because you were Draco Malfoy’s cousin, and Draco was really obnoxious that year.

The prank was simple. they estimated when you would walk down the stairs and set a tripwire on your way, waiting for you to trip over and fall.

Fred and George were hiding behind a pillar, waiting, but nothing happened. When you were walking down the stairs, you stopped and pulled out your wand. “Incendio,” you whispered, and the tripwire just burned into ashes.

Watching their prank being busted, the twins were frustrated. George gave up on pranking you again. It’s not like you did anything wrong anyway. But Fred suddenly felt motivated. He’s determined to get you one day.

Fred tried everything. Be it canary cream or portable swamp, you always had a way to avoid his pranks gracefully, and sometimes, the pranks would even backfire on him. After trying for a month, Fred finally admitted defeat. He admired how your brain worked, and he couldn’t help but think that if you weren’t a Malfoy, maybe you two would be really good friends.

“Who said I don’t have the guts?”

You smiled with satisfaction, for you knew your strategy worked, “Good, I will see you at the Ministry tomorrow then.”

“Wait, you could get a job, but what’s in it for me?”

You knew he wouldn’t agree so easily, so you had already prepared a plan, “How about, as long as it‘s not illegal or against my own moral standards, I can do three things for you. What do you say?”

“Deal!” The reason why Fred refused at first was that he hated being arranged and controlled by his parents. But now, when this arranged marriage became more like a game to him, he began finding it quite interesting. “The first thing I want you to do is to take care of my shop today!”

“I’m not stupid, Weasley. What if you run away after I spent the whole day working in your shop? The deal only works after I get the marriage certificate!”

Fred nodded in approval, “Not bad, Malfoy. So I will see you at the Ministry tomorrow at one pm then.”

“Deal! Don’t be late, Weasley!”

~

The next day, you were waiting at the Ministry at one pm. You repeatedly glanced at the clock  and shuffled all the documents in your hands as you paced around. 

Fred was late. Did he bail on you? Did he think you were only joking? Did he think you were a joke? Irritation and doubt rushed through your head, but you eventually calmed a bit down when you heard a familiar voice.

“Let’s just get this over with, shall we, my lovely bride-to-be?” he teased as he waltzed in.

“Not before we set some ground rules first.” You pulled him to a place where no one could hear you, and you finally took out the contract that you wrote yesterday night.

“Blimey, you actually wrote a contract?”

“Yes, Weasley, and you have to sign it,” you continued, “First, a year after I got a steady job, we will get a divorce.”

“A year?? Why does it have to be so long?”

“I don’t want the Ministry and my employer to think that I’m getting married only because I want to get a job.” You ignored his pout and went on with the list, “Second, if during this year, you actually met someone, you can date them. But you have to be discreet.”

He raised his eyebrows, “Aww, didn’t know you were such a thoughtful person.”

“Third, the fewer people know the truth, the better.”

“Sorry love, but my family already knew, and that’s already a lot of people.”

You glared at him, “You know what I mean!”

Your expression successfully elicited a small laugh from him, making you suspect that he actually enjoyed annoying you.

You rolled your eyes, “That’s all. Anything you want to add?” 

Fred shook his head, and you handed him a pen, “Brilliant!”

After signing his name on your contract, he held out his arm, “Shall we?”

You smiled, taking his arm, “We shall.”

“Fred Weasley? And Y/N Malfoy?” The lady at the Ministry looked at you and then looked at Fred several times, and finally asked in a surprised tone.

“That’s us!” Fred answered and wrapped his arm around your shoulders while you both tried to put on the biggest smile.

But her eyes were still scanning you from head to toe, and finally stopped at your fingers, “So, no rings, huh?” She was looking into your eyes as if she just found out the whole marriage was a scam. 

You cursed yourself for not remembering something this important, but your smile didn’t disappear, “Yes, Freddie and I aren’t conventional people. We don’t need a piece of metal to prove our love.”

Fred was surprised when he heard your nickname for him, but he didn’t let it show. It’s weird hearing you calling him that, but he had to admit he liked the sound of it. “That’s right, my love.”

You smiled and rested your head on his shoulder to display your affection. You wanted to stay focused so you won’t blow your cover, but hearing that pet name had caused a weird tingle in your stomach.

A few questions later, and before you could fully comprehend the situation, you were officially married to Fred Weasley. Looking at your marriage certificate, you felt surreal. Just in a few days, you and Fred went from classmates who never really talked to each other to a married couple. You two were legally bonded now, and it felt strange, but you had no time to process all these, for you had a more important task.

“Where are you going?” you heard Fred yelling behind you as you started running.

“I’ve got a job interview!”

~

The interview went well. The interviewer even thanked your husband and his family for their service during the war. You were disgusted by how people’s attitudes could change so drastically simply when you changed your last name. You didn’t fight in the war, but your family took in many muggle-born kids during those dark days, yet nobody cared. All they knew was your last name.

You walked home with mixed feelings running in your head. You knew your life was about to change, but you didn’t know if it was for better or worse. So many things have happened in the past few days, and you were just confused.

But what awaited you at home didn’t resolve any of your doubts. You saw your mum moving suitcases to the door. They were your suitcases.

“Mum, what’s going on?”

“Oh, darling, you’re back! How did the interview go?”

“It went well, I guess. Why are you moving my things out?”

“Oh, Mrs. Weasley and I figured it would look more authentic if you were staying with your husband. You know, just in case someone suspects anything.”

“Mum! But I barely know him!”

“Well, then this is the perfect chance to get to know each other!

So this was how you ended up knocking on the Weasley twins’ door at night, with all your suitcases.

The door cracked open, and Fred’s eyes widened when he saw you and your suitcases at his door.

You smiled sincerely at him, “Hello husband, mind if I stay the night?”

~

Chapter 2

A/N: this chapter is still setting things up. The next chapter will be longer!

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[wisteria-lodge]

snake primary + snake secondary (bird model)

Hello! I recently discovered your blog and really love the thought you’ve put into the nuances of the SHC system. I’m super into these kinds of personality analysis systems (I’ve probably been through them all at this point) because I think it’s interesting to know how people tick - I also think self-awareness is important so that you know why you do what you do, essentially. I took the SHC quiz and it told me I was a Snake Primary with a Bird Model, and a Bird Secondary with a Snake Model. I agree that I’m probably a (somewhat petrified) Snake Primary with a strong Bird Model, but I’m not sure which is my true secondary and which is the model. Maybe you can help?

I can sure try :)

Some things about me: I’m an oldest daughter, and I’m almost 100% sure my dad is a Bird Snake and I *idolized* him as a child - I thought he had it all figured out. He was the Zeus to my Athena in my child’s eyes, and I think I got my Bird primary model very early from copying him.

I mean, I know what you mean in a “sole creator” sense, but there is no *way* Athena thought Zeus had it all figured out.

My two younger brothers are a Lion Snake and a Lion Badger, and my mother is possibly a Double Badger, though I’m not as sure about her - maybe she just thinks that she *should* be a Double Badger. I think all that is important to help illustrate that I didn’t really feel *at home* when I was with my family, though I loved them, since I was the only Snake. My parents also had a terrible relationship and are now divorced, so there’s that as well. I think the only time I have ever been truly morally outraged was the revelation that my dad had engaged in infidelity against my mom, and then again when he started dragging his feet over a promise the he had made my youngest brother. We didn’t speak for a long time after that incident, but I was really cut up over dropping him.

Oh yeah. That’s very Snake primary. Morally outraged because your People are getting hurt.

We eventually started to reconcile, and the only reason we did was because he called and said he was driving through my city one day, and even after all of that, I said yes to meeting up because I felt sad that I had dropped him. I think this family dynamic, plus some other childhood stuff, led to me sort of “checking out” and petrifying pretty early.

Just a theory - I think it’s possible that this hit your secondary more than it hit your primary. You seem pretty strong and confident in your Snake primary so far. Even the fact that you can identify it coming from such a non-Snake environment, and don’t feel guilty about it, is big.

I had a lot of trouble making friends in school.

I’m thinking this might be more of a secondary thing.

and generally ended up with like one friend who was the other weird girl, and who I always sort of kept at arm’s length emotionally. I moved schools several times as a kid and after the first best friend (who was the daughter of my mom’s best friend and was like a sister to me until she moved away), I really didn’t try too hard to make new “best” friends.

Hmm. See, this reads like a *default* friend to me, not a friend of choice. The other weird girl. The daughter of your mom’s friend. That’s an easy friend to have… and not one that you necessarily sought out. I’m not surprised that your primary didn’t latch onto her with that Snake intensity.

Even now, though I definitely have concentric circles of loyalty and a significant other who is my “top person”, I’m not sure I have that blind Snake I-would-literally-die-for-you loyalty toward anyone - I’d kill or hide a body for my top circles

That *is* Snake loyalty. Snakes aren’t going to die for someone else, are you kidding? That’s a sucker’s game. They value themselves too much.

I would give up a lot of my own comfort for my significant other. Maybe I’m just afraid to let myself feel that unquestioning loyalty, though I want to feel it, or maybe I’m really a Bird and just want to be a Snake because that would mean I could be un-broken eventually.

Let’s talk about your secondary, I want to hear about how you think you’re broken, because so far you seem fine. Congrats on the SO!

I don’t think I’m an Idealist though - I’m surrounded by them and I know I don’t care about “principles” the way they do. Then again, maybe I’m a Bird whose truth is that moral relativism is the truth lol. Anyway, I think for my primary, I’m probably a petrified Snake with a Bird model unless I’m totally wrong about myself.

I think you’re just a Snake who… is a Snake.

(you’ve got that Birdy influence though, from your dad, and they do like to complicate things.)

As for my secondary, I loved to read (everything - all kinds of fiction, especially sci-fi/fantasy/mystery and, like, Victorian sci-fi/horror adventures, nature books, medical texts, etc. Wikipedia was a revelation when it came out), and I was smart and good at taking tests and knowing the answers in school, so at a certain point I think I just defaulted to being “the smart one” and used that as armor to help keep people from getting too close.

yep yep yep, welcome to the ‘fun Bird model’ club, we have snacks

I do genuinely love to learn, and I’ve always been known among friends and family as the one who either knows the answer or will look it up. I love pop culture trivia and nature facts. I also love and am good at debate, but not really when real feelings are involved - I more love the “battle of wits” aspect, where I can match up against a person to see if my knowledge and ability to adapt my argument on the fly can stump them. 

I also would argue the unpopular point, or the point I didn’t agree with, just for sport. Fun Bird secondary model.

I developed terrible anxiety and probably some depression as well in high school.

Okay, now I’m seeing the problem.

and now that I’m older, I suspect that I may have ADHD, though I haven’t been officially assessed. I didn’t discover my executive function issues really until college, when suddenly being smart and being able to figure out the test answers through context clues and what I remembered from lectures and readings + whatever trivia I had gathered about the topic wasn’t enough anymore.

I suspect you’re right about being ADHD. Or at least being neruodivergent.

I am horrible at studying! I would plan out my study sessions and make these nice little cheat sheets (these were allowed on exams) and they didn’t work at all! I did very well in my literature minor though, because all the graded assignments were papers rather than open-answer tests, and I could get my thoughts out better and with more resources at my disposal if I forgot something and needed to go back to the book to check.

Oh ouch. Yeah, I’m not even relating this back to a secondary, because I’m reading this as a working memory thing? Like ugh tests are such a terrible way access knowledge. What is even the *point* of memorization anymore? You should have been able to have a college career that was completely writing papers, like I did.

I was at one point very jealous of my Lion Snake brother, who I felt could do “whatever he wanted” with minimal consequences, while I always felt constrained by being “good” and not rocking the boat too much with my family.

Yep. That’s being an oldest daughter.

I couldn’t understand why he didn’t seem to care about being considerate to everyone else in the household (especially my chronically overworked, can’t-say-no Badger mom lol).

It’s because he’s the youngest. Mine’s the same.

This attitude was definitely influenced by my anxiety issues at that time, since I had (and still have) a lot of trouble asking for anything - help, permission, whatever. I’d rather do things and explore on my own, without anyone watching, so I don’t have to ask and don’t have to explain.

Did you low-key raise your younger siblings? Because it sounds like you raised your siblings.

I feel better with a little bit of distance, and definitely wear masks in most situations. I’d say my masks are half conscious and half reactive - I do have some idea of how I’d like to be perceived, but it’s only kind of systematic.

That makes me think Snake or Badger secondary.

I have a few “characters” that I use as touchpoints when I’m going into a new situation, but once I’m there I mostly just act nice and funny and see what happens.

So far I’m going with Badger secondary (be nice and and assume it’ll be fine is very badger) with a fun Bird secondary model, that you can do an Actor Bird thing with. Although liking to “just see what happens” is pretty snake.

The characters are really just costumes I use to give off a certain first impression, although I do really like the costumes and find them fun. I love clothes, makeup, and perfume too, because I enjoy the idea of making multidimensional costumes for different settings. I actually enjoy the mask a lot of the time - I have tattoos that are purposefully in places that I can cover easily, because I enjoy the idea that there’s something under the professional mask that people only know about if I show them. I’m a bit socially awkward I think (I repeat myself and talk a lot), but most people tend to either like me or tolerate me, and I don’t get into a lot of interpersonal conflicts. 

Hm. Either Courtier Badger or Snake secondary, fun Bird secondary model. However. Especially after talking about your Actor Bird in such fun, positive, happy language… I am going to call you out for “socially awkward” and “people tolerate me.” Which tells me you don’t have as much faith in your social skill set, and it’s *maybe* a little burnt.

(Also, not to get too armchair psychologist tell-me-about-your-mother, but if your mom has a  “chronically overworked, can’t-say-no” Badger secondary… that’s going to affect how you see Badger secondaries.)

Right now I work in a very Badger/Bird workplace, and it’s really a terrible fit, even though I can squeak by enough to fool my superiors into thinking I’m doing a good job. 

oh we’ve got some imposter syndrome, that can also be a burnt secondary thing.

It’s all long-term planning and daily maintenance tasks, and I really don’t like it. I change most of my plans partway through, but I’m not sure if it’s because I’m really an improvisational secondary at heart, or if I’m truly a Bird that’s just bad at planning for all of the variables.

I’m going to say you’re not a Bird. Making cheat-sheets (which is a very Bird secondary strategy) also did not work, and you feel confined by, not comforted by plans. You’re not a Lion, you enjoy keeping your true self to yourself too much. You could be either a Badger or Snake. And if you really hate daily maintenance tasks… that could be coming from a few places, but it makes me lean Snake. 

I love being in situations where I can iterate on a plan, or make a new plan on the fly. I love escape rooms and am pretty good at them; I still get stumped and need hints sometimes, but when I *get* a puzzle, it sort of just clicks for me? I don’t think in a very linear way and am not a good chess player, but I also have never studied chess so perhaps I just am at a knowledge disadvantage in that game. 

This is also you using Bird to have fun, and we know you *love* using Bird to have fun.

One of my proudest moments

okay this is definitely going to be helpful

was when I was on a day trip with my significant other, and we needed to find a place to buy food quickly so we wouldn’t miss a specific ferry and then a specific bus - we were on an island, and near the ferry station the restaurants were all too expensive and we were worried they would take too long anyway. He was starting to get frazzled, but I was able to think on my feet, and we just grabbed a calming beer (lol) at a creepy neighborhood bar, then got on the ferry and bought microwave meals at a 7-Eleven by the bus station. It was awesome and I was very proud of myself for staying calm and looking around myself for options.

Well that is VERY Snake secondary.

I generally take a long time making decisions when it’s not a crisis situation, because I have to *weigh all the options*, but I often end up in analysis paralysis. Crunch time is where I really shine as a decision-maker.

Snake again. From what I’m seeing, your Bird is a fantastic toy, but actually kind of makes you miserable when you have to depend on it for the important stuff. (studying, your job, making important decisions)

All of this long post is to say, I’m not sure whether my Bird secondary is a fun model that got repurposed into an executive dysfunction compensation tool and anxiety/depression soother to supplement my Snake secondary

I think you hit the nail straight on the head right there. 

 or if Bird is my true secondary and Snake is a model that I learned from my dad and brother + characters I admire in media 

oh your favorite characters are Snake secondaries are they? That’s a big tell.

and that I use when I fail to plan adequately given my executive dysfunction. 

Executive dysfunction is a whole thing, but you don’t have to “”plan adequately”” for everything.

I find both fun and both useful, but I’m not sure which is innate and which is the model! 

My money is on snake secondary, Bird secondary model. 

[strongsassysexysloane]

Ain’t Life a B*tch - Chap 5

This came out quick because I’d written most of it weeks ago... I don’t do things in order. 

.. .. .. .. .. 

Finally the bitter crisp of the DC winter was subsiding, you did love winter but by the end of January, you were over it. There was one down side to your apartment that you'd come to love. No fireplace. Gibbs almost choked when you mentioned buying a heater that looked like a fireplace. You went ahead and bought it anyway without telling him because he offered for you to come over a few times for poker night. Apparently Jack was a regular at these but ditched whenever you ended up joining. Funny that.

It was funny how she avoided you outside the office but when a case came around she was right on it. Helping you, insisting on being in on interrogations. You'd managed to even work together in interrogations after a while, you really didn't like observing them. Ben was shocked the first time you followed Jack in to interrogate a suspect but didn't say anything after as you bounced easily off each other and didn't miss a beat. Since then he was happy to observe the tennis match as he called it. Like watching Federer in Nadal volley. However as the weeks went on you were still only colleagues when cases came that she seems to notice you existed.

The nightmares came and went. You tried to not let it show when you were at work but they could see the lack of sleep you'd been getting. You picked up boxing again at the gym and let your frustrations out on the bag for a few hours every week. Vance even took you up one morning on sparring. He was rusty from years out of the ring but picked it up again quickly. Promising to join in again soon because he missed it after all.

Eventually the snow started to melt and not stick to the ground anymore. It was began to be some what pleasant to walk around DC again of a morning or evening and the farmers markets reopened. You enjoyed strolling the isles and buying fresh produce and found a nice one that wasn't much of a drive on Sundays. It was meant to be a relaxing morning out away from the business that is Washington DC but a certain blonde also frequented this farmers market. You remembered going on a few dates with her back in the day to local markets so it shouldn't have surprised you to find her here at one of the more popular ones near DC.

You avoided her when you first saw her but then you got distracted sorting through what tomatoes were best for your pasta sauce when Jack came up beside you. "Fancy seeing you here.." Jack reached over, picking up a tomato casually. Her tone was light and you saw the small smile on her lips. This was new.

The idea that she would come up to you never even crossed your mind. So you weren't prepared for making small talk. She hadn't even looked your way for months so this was a complete surprise. "Thought I needed to expand my shopping circle." You toss a few tomatoes into your tote bag and move along to the next isle, not really expecting Jack to follow but happy that she did.

"You picked a good one. I've been coming here over the past year. A friend suggested it." She added, walking around you and moving along to search for the items she was after.

You look over your shoulder taking in Jack as her back was turned. She was in her woollen beige coat, skinny jeans (from what little you could see) and her knee high relaxed, casual boots. It was so Jack and you couldn't help but smile before turning back to examine the avocados before she caught you looking. "Good suggestion." You cringed at how awkward and almost forced your reply sounded. You were nervous, unsure about what was going on and not wanting to get your hopes up on where this could go.

Jack walked over and stood beside you. "I know a really good coffee stand at the end of the market. If you want to grab one?" She grabbed an avocado without testing it first before chucking it in her bag.

You rolled your eyes at her blase way of selecting fruit and veg. Clearly her cooking skills hadn't changed much. "I might just do that." Not missing the twitch to Jack's lips at your response which made you laugh.

"I meant.."

"I know." You laugh a bit louder when Jack pokes out her tongue at you. You'd definitely missed the banter and fun you both could have. Having selected all the groceries you were after you walked up to pay and Jack followed.

You walked side by side, weaving in amongst the crowd and made your way to the coffee stand Jack had suggested. The small talk flowed easily enough. Only a few moments of silence that weren't too awkward. They were quickly filled with comments about a case or questions about your team.

She'd brought up going to Gibbs house for steaks on Friday night and you both laughed over his caveman ways of cooking meat and how it just turned out so perfect every time. It took all your self control and stubbornness to not ask if there was something going on with them. You knew it would make the almost perfect morning go south and you'd be back to an awkward workplace relationship so you bit your tongue, hoping that she'd give it away if you kept talking. Alas that was not the case as she left quickly after the coffee was finished, saying she was meeting up with a friend for lunch. Again you didn't ask who.

You'd caught up with her the following two Saturday's at the Farmers Market, it wasn't planned but it wasn't not planned either. You didn't know or want to think about if you kept going, just to see her, even though you really didn't need much of any fruit or veg. It was a nice little coffee catch up, talking about how your team was going and how her work load was and what was new in DC this week.

Again avoiding anything close to personal life information even when you slipped up talking to her about Alex's recent break up. Jack had noticed a change in Alex in the last case. She even offered to talk to Alex about it which you greatly appreciated and would send Alex her way if it came up again. Both of you agreed it would be best to get her to talk about it before it could affect her work because break ups were never easy and that's when the awkward silence happened. That's when your coffee date awkwardly, painfully ended. The conversation died and you made an attempt at a not so awkward goodbye. To say you over played that moment in your head for the rest of the day is a complete understatement. 

Maybe you needed a psychologist.

Monday morning rolled around and you really hoped it was just going to be a paperwork sort of a day, no need to see or talk to Jack for the day. Alas the bank robber down town had other ideas. Of all the banks, he had to rob, it had to be the one next to the Naval Recruitment centre with three navy personnel standing as hostages in the shops window. So it was your jurisdiction, no matter how hard the local leos tried. Vance pulled a string or yanked a rope and your team were on the scene before 0830.

"Really regretting not getting my morning coffee right now." You grumble beside the surveillance van, behind a row of cop cars. You'd normally grab a coffee after your workout but that was cut short by the phone call at 0800.

"Well this situation just got a thousand times worse, for the bank robber." Eddie showed you a smile and you couldn't help but crack one yourself. She always liked lightening the mood but you saw how freaked out she was.

Placing a hand on her shoulder and giving her a comforting squeeze. "It's going to be ok. Trust your instincts." Walking towards to officer in charge, well you guessed he was because he was the most angry one shouting all the demands. "Anyone got a line with the bank robber?"

"Yeah, he wants a van and a fully fuelled plane standing by at an airport." The officer countered, his anger dripping from his words. No one wanted to start off a Monday like this, or any day, really.

"Well that's original." You scoff and get an annoyed looked from him. "What? I haven't had my coffee yet."

"Got a tray of coffees in the truck. You might need it, this guy isn't talking to us anymore."

You raise an eyebrow. "You giving me the line?" This was a surprise.

He smiles and shakes his head. "Think you can do it?"

"Give me a cup of coffee and I'll give it my best shot."

"Bloody NCIS Agents." The Officer grumbles and you laugh walking towards the hopefully pick me up of a fresh cup of coffee.

It doesn't take long for the News choppers to hover overhead and the vans to pull up. You manage to not piss off the Bank robber unlike the other guys. Easing him down off his shooting ledge on more than one occasion when his demands weren't ready yet.

"Hey! You know DC, nothing gets done quickly here. You have a Federal Agency on the case now." You try your best to keep your voice, calm and not patronising. It was a thin line for you.

"If you are as good as you think you are then you'll have my van here in an hour and a plane ready as well. No more talking!" He growls.

"Wait! Jake!"

"You know my name?!" He's back on the line, shocked and even more angry now. You see the blinds flicker at one of the windows. "How the fuck do you know my name?!"

"I'm good when I need to be." You try not to smirk, having him on the back foot.

"Then wheres'-?!"

"Your Van? Yeah I heard you the first time. Because I have people working on surveillance, where as I need permission to get your van from my boss to make a deal with a criminal."

"One hour! Then I start shooting people." This time the line goes dead and you try your hardest not to throw the phone at the ground.

You turn around looking at Ben who just shrugs while he's on the phone arranging the Van and set up at an airport. Time ticks by and you can't get Jake back on the line. You've downed your third cup of coffee, much to the police officers dismay. Two of those were probably for them. But you didn't see them doing anything productive to the situation.

Your phone rings with ten minutes to spare before the hour deadline. "Agent Y/n speaking."

"Hello Agent. Got my Van and plane yet?" You can hear the frustration in his voice, almost see the smirk that went with it.

"No. We are clos-"

"Enough! You have ten minutes!"

"We need more time!" You shout back, losing your cool. You really didn't know how long you needed, it was out of your hands and you hated it. You were desperate, you couldn't let anyone die on your watch. Not now, not ever again. "Take me! Swap me with a hostage, shows you're willing to work with us and will help your demands move along." It was a desperate attempt and clearly a horrible one but you didn't care at this point.

. . . . .

Jack walked into the squad-room. Everyone's eyes were fixed on the plasma, even Gibbs. "What's going o-" She stood shocked at what was happening on screen. Ellie turned to see her reaction and reached out to run her hand comfortingly on her arm. "She can't!"

"Looks like she is." Nick countered, not looking at Jack's pissed off expression.

The agents watched as you walked into the bank, hands raised, no weapon or anything, just you and the door quickly opened and closed behind you.

Jack turned to death stare Gibbs. "Why aren't we down there!?"

"We are in the middle of a case. Vance called her team down. She's more than capable, Jack." His eye twitched, staring at his friend. He didn't like the implication she was sending his way.

"Fine." She huffed, turning and storming towards the elevator.

"Jack!" Gibbs shouted.

"Agent Sloane!" The deep voice of Director Vance called from half way down the stairs.

She hit the elevator button a few more times. "Can't stop me Leon!" She shouted back and hopped into the elevator. No one could stop her, she'd spoken to Leon a few months back when he needed to know why two of his two top Agents seemed to have trouble working together. She opened up about those six months of being in a relationship and how she really saw a future with you, was even looking at rings but then the job offer came. With it came the world from under her feet and everything went wrong. Leon hadn't said much after the admission, just gave her a little nudge to talk and sort things out. That was the night the alcohol took hold and she'd ended up in your bed. The night her world shifted and she knew she couldn't live without you but she couldn't get hurt again either.

"Well this isn't good." Gibbs was very close to head slapping Nick but refrained, stalking up the stairs, following Leon into his office. "We on this case now too?"

"Doubt it. Back to work." McGee turned the volume down on the plasma and sat down at his desk. Ellie and Nick followed. They didn't need anymore Agents on site. Jack would be able to handle it even if she wasn't assigned to.

. . . . .  

"Where is my van?!" Jake yells into the phone. "I want my van!" He was getting angrier by the second. "Make them understand, otherwise I will shoot a hostage! Meaning you!" Jake throws the phone at you. It was now hitting 20 minutes since you had walked into the Bank. Your bluff of him getting his van sooner with you as a hostage was quickly dwindling.

"Hello? Ben!" Your voice is shakier than you would've liked, but as soon as you hear your Agent's voice you calm for half a second.

"Y/n! Are you ok, is everyone ok?" He's sounding desperate, out of his depth. Your confidence starts to fade as you cling to the phone but your eyes lock with Jake and you need to keep a straight face. Not letting him see your fear as he glares at you, his hand shaking as he holds the gun at you. His uncertain demeanour was getting to you.

"I'm fine for now. We need that van! Hurry it up!" The level of your voice raising as Jake walks closer, yanking the phone away before Ben can reply and you can get more information. "Hey!"

Jake throws the phone across the room, it smashes into the brick wall. "No more chit chat." You watch as the other hostages flinch at the sound. The closest hostage, you'd managed to get the name of Sully. He was a bank teller, one year on the job and that was all you found out before Jake told you two to shut up.

"Bit hard to tell them how serious you are if I can't talk to them." You snark back and Jake swings around, his gun now pointing directly at your chest. "You wanted my help." Your eyes trained on the gun, staring down the barrel and rethinking your entire life.

His head drops back in frustration, the gun still pointed at you. "This is how they'll know how serious I am." Jake straightens up and glares down at you, his finger curling slowly around the trigger.

"No!" Sully jumps up, you flinch expecting the shot but Sully's sudden movement turns Jake around and he shoots. You watch as he falls to the ground and you rush over to his side. Blood starts seeping through his shirt as you apply pressure.

"Bastard!" You shout, not sure if it was directed at Sully or Jake. "Here." You quickly take off your NCIS jacket and re-apply pressure to the bullet wound in his lower abdomen.

"Had to be the hero, stupid man." Jake stalks over, looking at you both. You glare up at him as you keep pressure to Sully's wound, making the poor guy grown.

"Jake!" A loud voice shouts from outside and your heart drops.

"Who the fuck is that?!" He rages, stalking to the window and flicking the blind open beside a hostage.

"Jake Malone. My name is Agent Sloane. I'm here to give you what you want."

Your insides almost come up your throat. Why was Jack here? She couldn't be here?! This wasn't happening! You look back down at Sully who was getting very pale but you think the pressure had stopped the bleeding, kind of.

He slides the window open an inch. "Where is my van?!"

"What happened Jake? We heard a gun shot!" You could hear the uncertainty in her voice, her worry and panic. "Is anyone hurt? Is Agent Y/n ok?" You gulped at the sound of your name.

Jake turned and looked at you. His eyes boring into you. He had the balls to smirk. "She's covered in blood so what do you think?" He shouted back and you wanted to shoot him where he stood and hoped a sniper out there would.

"Don't mislead them. You won't get what you want." You bark.

"If they think their precious Agent is injured maybe I'll get my van quicker!" Maybe he was smarter than you gave him credit for but you were still pissed beyond anything. Sully coughed and your attention was back on the poor guy in front of you.

"Stay with me Sully. Help is coming." He was so pale, barely able to keep his eyes open, you pressed down on his wound a little harder which must've sent a jolt of pain through him because he opened his eyes, almost glaring at you.

. . . .

Jack was shook, she reached out for anything to hold to give her balance, the police car would have to do. She handed the megaphone back to the police officer nearest her. Any second longer and she would've dropped it. She didnt care if anyone saw, there was no hiding away from this now. She came down here to make things better and she'd done the exact opposite. She'd got you shot.

She turned on the police office in command, her voice dripping with anger and fear. "We need to get in there now!" Her knees wobbling, she'd handled several hostage situations before. Why was her emotions getting the better of her now? Right now she needed to get to you and take that bastard out!

.. .. . .. .. .. .. 

[doof-doofblog]

"Liars Have To Pay!"

Good Evening folks! How have you all been during the past week? I know it's been hard having to stay indoors and try and keep yourself occupied. I've been finding it hard since my workplace closed, and with EastEnders only being on twice a week, it's hard to find things to watch in the evenings. I know how you're all feeling, let's hope that all this that's going on in the world can be slowed down and in time they'll be able to gain control of this awful virus.

Firstly, before we get into tonight's episode, let's talk about the trailer that was dropped on Friday evening. Give us a lot to look forward to during these next few episodes i'm sure! Dotty is still blackmailing Ian after she found out about him trapping Dennis in the boat crash. We know there's going to be some kind of love triangle between her and the two Beale brothers, but will she get what she's really after? The Arches? Will she persuade Ian to get Ben to sign them over to her? Or will she play both Peter and Bobby to get to Ian? I can it being an interesting story-line. 

We also see Linda reaching for the bottle again, but it doesn't necessarily show us her drinking, only sniffing the bottle. Is she about to have a setback?? What i'm interested in is, what actually happens for her to reach and sniff the bottle anyway? Does something happen or is it just left there on a table and she's trying to beat the temptation?! Mick is selling The Vic, could this be what actually makes it the final straw for Linda and will he act fast into selling the pub?! It also appears to be the funeral of Dennis's funeral tonight ... how is Sharon going to cope?! Phil is back and is desperate to speak to Sharon, what could it be about?! I have a feeling it's going to kick off at Dennis's funeral tonight, either Sharon will find out how Dennis died and Ian's involvement, or she'll blame Phil and attack him in some way (Physically or Verbally) ... there is always some sort of reveal or confrontation at an EastEnders funeral, right?!

Ooooooohhhhhh Ben finally says those three words all Ballum fans have been longing to hear!! What makes him finally say these words to Callum? Whatever it may be, i'm looking forward to seeing that episode!! I believe there's been some news, although it could just be a rumour going round, of Grey and Whitney having an affair?! Has this story been confirmed? Is it word of mouth?! Although in the last episode, we did see Whitney give Grey a hug, maybe looking to be comforted as she realises she still feels unsafe in her own home after being released from prison. It's true it did look a bit to cosy, but who knows? It's an interesting rumour and I'm not sure how i'm going to feel if it turns out to be true. For one, Whitney is Chantelle's good friend, why would she do that to her?! Grey, even though he treats his wife appallingly, every time he goes to apologise, he always tells her he loves her. So, who knows what could happen between Whitney and Grey? What do you guys think of this rumour?

Anyway, lets get right stuck into tonight's episode ... Looks like a lot happened tonight, obviously the main focus being young Dennis's funeral. Again, I need to applaud the performance of Letitia Dean, she's been absolutely fantastic acting as the grieving mother over the past few episodes. It was a good one tonight, I was going to say emotional, but there was also a bit of drama there also. 

Dotty is still buzzing around Ian like a queen bee, trying to make sure he's doing what she told him to do. Will she end up having The Arches? Will Ian somehow trick Ben into signing them over to her?! Even when Ian was doing that speech on behalf of Sharon, it was obvious how uncomfortable Ian looked, while Dotty was watching him from across the Square. It looked like she was struggling to get through the day also, when she saw Dennis's coffin and then to see Sharon and the state she was in, she can't be telling Sharon the truth as it will destroy the poor woman even more. However, that does not mean that she wont tell someone else or maybe worse, go to the press about it. The conversation she had with Vinny about liars should pay, she has definitely got a plan up her sleeve. I liked the little friendship going on between Dotty and Vinny, it seemed liked both characters clicked. 

The Panesar boys are still coming to terms with their mother's lies, I think hense why Vinny listened to Dotty and kinda understood what she was saying in some way. Vinny is taking to graffiti and possibly befriending Dotty to cope with Suki lying about cancer. Whereas Jags is cosy-ing up to Habiba. Suki still doesn't care about that impact her actions have taken on her boys, she doesn't care she lied about having cancer, I'm still baffled as to how someone can even do that, it is the lowest of the low! A part of me felt a bit angry that she was even talking about Ben about the loss of Dennis. How dare she give him her condolences.   Really felt for Ben in tonight's episode, firstly being banned from the funeral of a young lad he once saw as his younger brother, that moment when Ben and Callum and sat on the bench watching the hearse leave, it was pretty sad for Ben in that moment, did anyone else notice Callum slightly brush the side of Ben's leg?! Really touching I felt, Callum still trying to be there for his boyfriend, even fixing his tie for him at the beginning of the episode. I'm glad Ben still decided to go the pub to remember Dennis, he was right, Sharon couldn't stop him going to a pub! Ben is coping with a lot at the moment, losing his hearing and also grieving for Dennis. I can understand Jack's concern for Callum, but Callum can make up his own mind about who he sees and who he falls in love, I don't really think it's anyone's business who Callum dates. He can still be in a relationship with Ben (regardless of his history) and still be part of the police force, I mean, why not?! 

I really felt for Linda when Sharon was shouting at her over the pizza, it's clear Sharon wanted everything perfect for her son's last day, it's a shame Linda had to be on the end of her outburst. I think it was the last thing the pair of them needed, Sharon desperate for her son's funeral to go perfectly without a hitch, and Linda to be yelled at and insulted by her best friend after everything she's been through trying to get her life back on track. It's so sweet that Mick is standing by his wife, complementing her and telling her how proud he is of her, it's the Mick and Linda everyone enjoys seeing. Although, when Linda did say she could be one of those people who just has the one drink, my mind did think "Uh-Oh!" ... and when that moment came when she was in the kitchen, oh my mind was racing .... first she walks into the room and sees the vodka bottle ... "Come on, you can do it!" ... she ignores it and heads right for the tea and flings a teabag in the cup ... "Yes, Linda! Good girl!" ... to then her grabbing the bottle and sniffing it ... "Don't do it!" ... Putting the teabag away and pouring the vodka ... "Noooo!!!! Don't do it!" .... Lifting the cup to her lips and drinking it in one gulp ... "Noooooooooo!!! She'll be pouring herself another cup now!" .... then she surprisingly put the lid back on and put the bottle in the cupboard, "Ahhh, is she trying to prove she can just take the one drink and be okay?" ... to then noticing a pen mark on the bottle marking the amount of alcohol inside ... "Oh no! What she going to do now?" .... Then again, she could just throw the bottle down the sick and tell Mick she didn't have any and it was to save her the temptation? Or would that just be a little too easy? It'll be interesting to see what happens next, will she come clean and tell Mick she just had the one, or will he find the bottle before she gets a chance to explain herself? 

Poor poor Sharon, no one should ever have to face burying their child. Letitia Dean has been fantastic the past few episodes. She really despises the Mitchell's at the minute doesn't she? Not even accepting a wreath off Ben, Lola and Lexi ... she didn't even want any of the Mitchell's at the funeral, she's even going by her maiden name now, "Sharon Watts" and even though Phil adopted Dennis, she's now given him his old name "Dennis Rickman Jr". It's as if she's wiped the Mitchell name from her life for good, mainly because she blames Phil for Dennis's death. I found the moment when everyone went the the cars a bit emotional, with the music playing. It seems really touching as a send off for a young character, everyone getting in their cars and then people on the Square watching them drive away, I just found it very touching. Since Ian gave Karen that warning about leaving Walford with Kayden, I've said I wonder how Sharon will react, I'm a bit surprised she seemed okay with it, probably because she's seen it as him doing her a favour, but surely there must be something else? I do think somehow, someway, Sharon will find out what Ian did ... whether it's from Dotty or someone else or another twist of fate. Ooooohh Phil is back, where has he been and what has he got to say to Sharon? She didn't look best pleased to see him when he walked into the Vic! It's all about to kick off tomorrow, I don't know about you guys but i'm really looking forward to seeing how the episode will unfold tomorrow! 

What did you guys think of tonight's episode? Are you glad to see Phil back? What do you think is going to happen next for Linda, will Mick find out?! I'll back again tomorrow another blog! I hope you'll all enjoy your Tuesday! Look after yourself and keep safe! Goodnight everyone! xXx

[karuframe]

Yooooo i saw your tags on that post saying there werent many ship fans in warframe and i was curious what your favorite ships are!! I havent seen anyone else that ships stuff before. Theres almost no warframe fanfiction out there and its kind of hard to find people to talk to about it with that dont just want to talk about builds and stats ^w^

yeah there’s barely any fanfiction or fanart with this topic. to be fair, the warframe story is not really asking for this sort of content and you have to be quite creative and twist the story around to be able to do so, so i’m not surprised, but still it feels a bit lonely at time.i’ve explored some ships and dynamics in my casualframe/humanframe sets and headcanons, there’s more to come, but anyway, i will share some of those i put a bit thought into (take into consideration that everyone interprets the frames differently)!!WARNING FOR DORKY HEADCANONS INCOMING!!

VOLT X BANSHEE-best friends, swaggers, bros-volt flirts around a lot and never scores, banshee crushes on volt-banshee spends most time with their squad (octavia,nyx,nezha,loki)-banshee’s always there for him and to pretend that he’s not a glam loser-eventually volt realizes that he enjoys being with banshee the most and they become a thing

ASH X LOKI-Ash is very distant and introverted, spends most of his time training and meditating-Loki always needs to be everywhere, needs others to like him which in most cases they do, except Ash-Loki gets curious about Ash’s dissapearances and follows him into the dojo where he just stealthily watches him until he’s being pointed out-Ash finds Loki too loud, irresponsible, distracting and annoying and yet he never tells him off-thanks to Ash not liking Loki immediately, he sets it as a personal goal-Ash never seems to be caring for Loki much but when Loki gets himself in a dangerous situation, it’s Ash’s priority to get him out-eventually after Loki proves himself just as worthy, Ash finds pride in having him by his side-Loki cools down a bit and together they give off yakuza powercouple vibes

MESA X TRINITY-amazing synergy on the battlefield and off of it-mesa is very hard on herself-trinity is very patient and loving-both are protecting each other more than themselves-mesa feels like she’s not deserving of trinity but for sure won’t say no to the opportunity-trinity is a pacifist but she’d kill for mesa-mesa loves practicing with ash- both likes pushing their limits- trinity then has some bandaging to do on her-mesa visits vauban from time to time for gun augmentation-trinity is helping/nursing people in her free time

RHINO X NYX-the muscle and the mind-rhino is excal’s right hand man and he spends most time with him-nyx is part of the young’uns squad and spends most time with them or sleeping-they are very casual together-no one knows how they even got together it jsut sort of happened-rhino never lost the pink glasses, even though nyx is a sloppy couch potato gremlin-nyx is the boss-nyx tries to look unimpressed of having the hot kind beefy bf

EXCALIBUR X VALKYR-Excal used to spend the most time with Mag, Volt, Rhino and Frost before-after being chosen as the leader, he took huge amount of responsibility while making Rhino his right hand man-working more with all the frames, he faces the tough task of making all these different characters work together in unity - one of the more problematic ones being Valkyr-Excal takes extra time off to make a personal visit to Valkyr’s quarters to try and let her trust him more-she doesn’t let him at first, but even though he has no experience of dealing with someone so unstable and skittish, he finds a way of making her feel calm and secure-he keeps an extra eye on her in battle and pays her compliments about her skills afterwards-to show her his trust in her, he makes her his right hand woman as well after taking few of her concerns and ideas and decissions more than into consideration -Rhino being the voice of reason and Valkyr trusting her senses and taking risks is a perfect balance between setting Excal on the right path

SARYN / LIMBO-saryn- single by choice / limbo- single NOT by a choice-strong independent saryn who needs no partner / weak dependent limbo who desperatedly wants a laid-saryn- very desired / limbo- gentleman with no game-she doesn’t mind the attention but she makes it obvious that she’s not interested / he craves the attention and is oblivious to people not being interested-saryn- the hot mom of the team / limbo - the wine uncle of the team

NEKROS X OBERON (X NIDUS)-(lots of nekobe HCs i got from lotusshim554 so go check their stuff out!)-Nekros joined later and Oberon was one of the first frames he met; fell in love immediately-Nekros tries too hard, Oberon plays hard to get/isn’t interested-Oberon uses Nekros as an easy “deal with” his heat without any deeper meaning, although Nekros groes even more attached - thinks they are a thing-Oberon enjoys reading or spending time with other mature calm frames, while Nekros tries to be everywhere where he is, just in case-Oberon is sent on a solo mission where he is met with Nidus who he brings back-Nidus has been isolated for too long and lacks lots of manners and empathy, although is very attractive and dangerous looking; catching Oberon’s attention-Oberon clings to Nidus more than he ever showed interested in Nekros and Nidus uses that against Nekros-Nidus, just like Mirage, starts to subvert harmony within the frames for selfish joy-On a mission with these three only, Oberon is facing a decission to help one of those two-Oberon chooses Nekros-Nekros helps Nidus even after everything-after they are back safe and sound, Nidus is locked and watched over, Oberon is coming to terms that after all he chose Nekros and Nekros is in seventh heaven-they become a thing

EMBER X NEZHA-Nezha often catches Ember not keeping her eyes off him which both scares and flatters him-Ember is a known badass tough punk lady, saying it as it is, picking up on people twice her size, not afraid of fight-Nezha is very much aware of fight, very impressionable, feels confident only amongst his friends-Ember is the first one to approach Nezha, she is very casual and straight-to-the-point about stuff she wants-Ember is very grabby and terrirotial of things that are hers-even after being a thing, Nezha’s not sure if he’s aroused or terrified

VAUBAN X NOVA-”sugar daddy” vauban, “petite doll” nova-vauban spends most of his alone time planning and working on tech-nova is paegant girl, scared, unaware of her own potential-nova doesn’t feel good in the company of the other frames, therefore she quietly spends time with vauban in his workplace-vauban teaching curious nova about his creations-nova visting is part of the routine now and vauban makes little gifts for her in exchange

KHORA X HYDROID-the kinky couple-both are very mature, classy and dangerous looking-lots of innuendos-”open” relationship where they are together for the physical aspect of it and for the power couple realness, but neither have problem with the other branching out-khora is desired by many and sometimes gives in to some poor loser’s fantasies-with hydroid’s pirate nature, he really cannot be trusted, yet both him and khora know each other’s game

OCTAVIA X BANSHEE X VOLT X NYX X NEZHA-the young’uns squad-volt the fuckboi leader-banshee the quiet empathic one-octavia the loud diva-nyx the genius sloppy drunk-nezha the hyperactive optimistic one-sometimes includes loki or equinox

OBERON X TITANIA-older brother and younger sister-titania is the more bossy and overprotective one-even though Oberon takes his team as his family, Titania will always come first-Oberon is both her teacher and protector, while Titania gives him courage and talks (yells) sense to him when he gets lost

there were other ships i considered like Mag x Frost, Titania x Ivara,Nidus x Mirage, but i’d stick with those above I’ve mentioned, not everyone has to be paired up and if new dynamic comes to me, i may add to this!

[kiruuuuu]

Thatcher/Lesion oneshot in which Lesion has a tattoo and Thatcher hates it. (Rating T, fierce denial and fluff I suppose, ~2.5k words) - dedicated to @glazkov-smile​ who put this ship into my brain where it now festers and grows shakes fist

.

The first time Thatcher catches a glimpse of it, all he feels – curiously enough – is betrayal.

No part of it makes sense, it’s neither his body nor his decision and yet it’s as if he’s been deceived in some way, left in the dark about a topic concerning him personally. It’s irrelevant how nonsensical his emotions are because they’re there regardless and no amount of logical arguing with himself is able to make them vanish. He can’t rationalise it even if he tries, and he tries desperately. He’s merely being a judgemental old fart, probably, something he’s been called before in differing contexts. But he doesn’t know how to deal with it.

It was no longer than a second: Bandit pulled on the back of Lesion’s collar to drop an ice cube into his shirt, and Thatcher just happened to look over at the commotion and saw colour lick at the back of Lesion’s neck, usually hidden by whatever garish shirt the man inexplicably chose to wear that day but now revealed in a flash of ink. And it’s enough to conjure up a profound disappointment in Thatcher.

They’ve known each other for years now, stayed in contact where Smoke exchanged irregular messages which taper off now and then, only to rekindle once in a blue moon. No, Thatcher and Lesion wrote and called almost every week, given their work permitted it, left messages on a variety of media depending on their current location and sent each other postcards even, both of them carefully and happily maintaining an unlikely friendship. They differ in many regards though not the most important ones, and thus remained pointed towards each other like magnets. Friendships like this one are rare, Thatcher has come to understand this all too keenly.

And he can’t stand tattoos.

To him, they’re much worse than gaudy jewellery, flamboyant clothes and unnaturally dyed hair together – not only are they alarmingly permanent but also usually horribly tacky. Who cares if someone managed to father a child? Congratulations, they fulfilled their purpose the way nature intended, no need to plaster their kid’s heartbeat or birth date or entire bloody face all over their arms and legs and basically rub it under everyone’s nose. He doesn’t care to know the names of people’s partners nor is he interested in cringy quotes or supposedly deep and symbolic bullshit which allegedly holds so much meaning for its bearer. They’re ugly. They mar skin instead of decorating it.

He much prefers freckles, scars, stretch marks, hair, natural discolouration, any sort of blemish which tells him this person is alive and breathing and not airbrushed or genetically engineered to look this way. He doesn’t care tattoos have been around forever, to him they’re a disgrace and can erase all his interest in someone. Can, and have.

Thinking back, he’s fairly sure he ranted about this to Lesion’s face before, was met with the usual calm patience tinged with amusement whenever he complains about something at length, earned no more than a half-reply implying his position was at best a bit too extreme and at worst complete and utter dogshite in Lesion’s opinion. He’s never dismissive about it, merely pokes fun but ultimately chooses to respect Thatcher’s views which is probably one of the reasons why they’re still friends.

So when he catches sight of precise strokes lining Lesion’s back, Thatcher is appalled. Indignant. Offended, even.

He needs to see it.

Just like he demands details about all the unnecessary so-called ‘apps’ most people around him use so he can judge them accordingly, curiosity grips him in its iron hold and compels him to view the entire disaster Lesion immortalised on his body for reasons unknown. Maybe it’s linked to a previous partner, a family member, a time in Lesion’s life about which Thatcher knows nothing yet, something deeply personal – in which case he’ll still disapprove of the ink but possibly gain more insight into his friend’s past. In that case, it’d be a worthwhile endeavour despite the knowledge of what exactly is tainting Lesion’s skin. He won’t be able to unsee it afterwards.

.

“Do you want to fight?”, he interrupts Lesion’s current conversation and gets a good-natured laugh from his friend and a concerned look from Ying in return.

“I thought we agreed not to argue politics in the workplace anymore”, Lesion replies cheerfully and moves his toothpick from one corner of his mouth to the other, Thatcher’s gaze following its journey momentarily.

“You said you were a little rusty in whatever fancy martial arts style you always torture the recruits with, so I thought you could use a refresher.”

“It’s much too warm to fight”, Ying points out and Thatcher barely bites back a response along the lines of that’s the point.

Lesion ignores her statement and leans back in his lawn chair, one of Rainbow’s most sought after commodity in summer – ants are prevalent and therefore sitting in the grass ill-advised. “Even if I did, I’d go to Yumiko and not you – no offence.”

“I bet you’ve been doing it for longer than she has.”

“Possibly, but she’s still lengths better.” The younger man raises an amused eyebrow. “Mike, are you bored?”

Oh. It’s the perfect excuse, his entire team is known for their eccentric solutions to boredom as well as striking fear into everyone’s heart as soon as it looks like they’ve got nothing to do. “Yes”, he lies smoothly, “so you can either join me willingly or spend the rest of the day anticipating a non-consensual fight. I’ll know when you least expect it, Tze Long.”

“Sounds like you don’t have a choice at all”, Ying sighs, shaking her head. “Men.”

“Don’t pretend you wouldn’t jump on the opportunity to roll through the mud with Elena, my dear”, Lesion comments casually after which neither of the two stick around for long enough to watch her turn crimson and splutter at the accusation. “So, tell me. Was this a misguided rescue mission or do you need my help with anything embarrassing?”

Thatcher blinks at the unexpected question until he realises his excuse sounds so terribly flimsy Lesion didn’t buy it for a second, correctly assuming an ulterior motive. Even if he’s nowhere near guessing it. “Oh, neither. I really just – it was a genuine suggestion and I…” He trails off when crinkles appear around dark eyes.

“Aren’t we a little too old to kill time by beating each other up? Let’s go drink some green tea to cool down instead, shall we?”

His objection dies on his tongue as his friend turns away, wearing a small smile. “I don’t even like green tea”, Thatcher protests quietly yet trails after Lesion nonetheless.

.

“Let’s go swimming.”

Lesion pauses visibly, marks his spot on the page he’s currently on and then glances up sceptically. “Now?”

Yes, Thatcher almost blurts out but catches himself just in time, checks his watch and pretends like he didn’t completely lose track of the hours ticking by purely because of Lesion’s presence. It’s a common occurrence, oddly enough. “Of course not”, he scoffs, “but what about tomorrow?”

“Where is this coming from? We’ve never gone for a swim together, you prefer going alone.” Fortunately, there’s no suspicion in his voice, only curiosity.

“I just thought you might want to join me. When’s the last time you went swimming?”

“Yesterday. Meghan invited me.”

Ah. Thatcher squints before he can help himself – they probably spent the time showing off their respective tattoos, and for some reason this thought makes it worse than as if Lesion had gone with anyone else. Even Blackbeard. “Well. If you don’t want to, that’s fine”, he concludes curtly and directs his attention back to the book in his own lap, fighting down another wave of dismay. So others are allowed to see it, apparently, where he’d not even been aware of it at all.

“What? Of course we can go, I was just surprised -”

“Nah. Nevermind.”

“Mike.” There’s gentle exasperation in Lesion’s voice now and he leans forward in the armchair which has become basically his over the course of several months – it bears his imprint and smells of him. Not that Thatcher would know. “I didn’t say no.”

“I’m busy tomorrow anyway”, he lies through his teeth and wonders whether he sounds cranky.

Lesion silently examines him for a few seconds longer, expression unreadable, and finally shrugs. “Alright. If you do want to go, just let me know.”

.

The doors of his wardrobe have mirrors. It’s the perfect plan. Thatcher buys the Dutch beer Lesion likes so much, and while Maestro is in the middle of listing all the exotic animals he’s eaten in his life with Smoke listening intently (and probably adding quite a few to his bucket list), while Mute snitches on Bandit’s newest plan to Sledge, while Sledge pointedly ignores Maestro’s hand slowly creeping up his thigh – while all of them are gathered in Thatcher’s living room, he makes sure to spill some of it down Lesion’s back.

“Whoops”, he says after his friend has jumped up with an undignified noise of surprise and hopes dearly that either none of the others watched him very deliberately tip his bottle or that they at least know to keep their mouths shut. “Come on, let’s get you something else to wear.”

“Why did we even stay in if I end up smelling like pub anyway”, Lesion complains weakly on the way to the bedroom, lamenting the wasted drink and accepting the fresh t-shirt Thatcher presses into his hands. “Thanks. You can go ahead.”

Thatcher pauses, hovering uncertainly. This – isn’t how it’s supposed to go. The last time, Lesion undressed in front of him without any qualms and he hoped it would be the same now, positioned his friend between himself and the mirrors so he’d get a good look no matter what. “I, uh -”

“Do you want to watch me change?”, Lesion asks, audibly entertained.

“No, I just – you probably need a towel, right? To get rid of the beer.”

“Sure”, the younger man agrees easily and Thatcher nods more to himself than for his benefit, leaves the room and dashes as soon as he’s out of eyesight. He’s never fetched a wet towel faster in his life, hoping to at least see part of it if Lesion’s in the middle of undressing, yet when he returns, Lesion is still wearing his soaked shirt. As well as a meaningful smirk. “Thank you, Mike. I’ve got it from here.”

No, he’s not going to let this opportunity pass. “Are you sure you don’t need help with your back?”

“Do you want to see it that badly?”

Oh.

“I have no idea what you mean.”

“Your personal vendetta against my shirts. It took me a few days to realise why so many of them ended up ruined, stained, ripped or threatened. You’ve not seen it before, have you?”

He hasn’t been that obvious. Has he? Thatcher considers denying everything but his curiosity prevails, triumphs over the prospect of never living this down. Defeated, he shakes his head, prepares for the inevitable ribbing yet is merely awarded with Lesion’s fingers reaching up to unbutton his soiled shirt, a gesture so hypnotising all speech evades him.

“I didn’t know you were that interested”, Lesion comments nonchalantly as if the temperature in the room hadn’t just jumped up a few degrees – or maybe Thatcher is experiencing a heatwave, yet whatever it is, his face is burning.

“I’m not”, he replies petulantly and is in the middle of justifying all his actions to himself in his head when the piece of fabric drops, carelessly gets discarded, and then Lesion turns.

It’s -

Well, it’s large, first of all, covering the entirety of his back and seemingly continuing even below the waistband of his trousers, just shy of curling all the way around his ribs. The ink is vibrant and mesmerising, no part of Lesion’s natural skin colour visible between all the vivid colours crassly at odds with everything Thatcher considers desirable. To him, it looks more like a yakuza tattoo than anything else, the motif of a roaring tiger familiar yet kept in a more tasteful style, no cartoonish bulging eyes or exaggerated features. Part of it is shiny with moisture, making it look even more recent and amplifying the otherworldly feel of it.

And it’s still a tattoo, even if the fact that it’s Lesion’s back changes something about it; even if the outline of his shoulder blades, the dip of his lower back, the gently curved spine do something to Thatcher, its nature remains intact. He doesn’t know why anyone would choose to deface their natural beauty like this, would spend a horrendous amount of money on something this hideous, would endure a million needle pricks only to look like this.

He also has no idea why he can’t stop staring.

A detail catches his attention and, without thinking, he lifts his hand and brushes over the tiger’s face with a thumb, the skin warm and slightly sticky. “He’s got a scar below his eye”, Thatcher murmurs and fights hard to keep this odd, uncalled-for reverent tone out of his voice.

“Do you want to watch him dance?”, Lesion asks him quietly and his brain is too occupied to process his words, discern the meaning behind them because – surely, he’s not -

The air is thick around them and it’s not only a byproduct of the season; it’s not stuffy yet heavy nonetheless, struggles against Thatcher’s deep inhale. His other fingers join his thumb in resting on intricate swirls, scared to move in case they smudge the ornate ink. “What do you mean?”, he hears himself mumble, possibly hoping for a repetition only, not even a clarification.

“Oh. Nevermind.” Lesion’s reply is soft and it sounds like he’s grinning. “I’m glad you seem to like it though.”

“I don’t”, Thatcher protests immediately and withdraws his hand, suddenly light-headed with the rush of oxygen, air flooding his lungs, returned to normal from one second to the next.

His friend throws him a look over his shoulder and he really looks like the Cheshire cat for some reason, as if he’s having the time of his life and Thatcher feels like he missed something somewhere along the way. “Alright”, Lesion agrees readily.

They get him cleaned up and into Thatcher’s shirt without any more interruptions, but when he turns to leave, the Brit holds him back yet falters at the expectant, amused and open smile with which the gesture is met.

“How about”, he begins, suddenly sheepish, “we go swimming this weekend?”

And to his relief, Lesion nods immediately, grinning and extremely pleased with the suggestion. “Of course. I’d love to.”

[diverdaddy]

Set It Up: The Christmas Rush Part 2

Pairing(s): KanaDiaMari, NozoNicoEli Word Count:   12 770 Chapter : 2/2(?)

The 2nd chapter of the christmas collab with @nozoroomie is up! 

The halls of the mall are semi empty as Eli Ayase enters the mall. She arrives early that morning to get the store open and running for the day. It’s another busy day for the christmas season and she cannot afford to be unprepared. Thanks to the other manager’s specific and wonderful closing routine, Eli knows that the store will be in tip top shape. All she and Kanan will have to do is a walk around of the store and setting up the tills and they’ll be set to open the doors for the business day.

As she’s walking down the halls on her way to Chacci’s she finds said co-worker is an early bird today too, thankfully. She smiles a bit grateful for that- her last part timer that worked opens with her was a late riser and was almost always late for their shift. Kanan’s the perfect opposite of them and it adds to her list of “reasons I enjoy working with Kanan Matsuura.”

Kanan stands in front of the store with a friend, and as Eli walks closer she can tell it’s the blonde girl from the chocolate store. What was her name again? Mar- Mariah? No, that’s the one that sings the christmas song, what was Kanan’s girlfriend named again- Mari! The one Dia says she’s dating!

Eli feels sheepishly embarrassed for forgetting that little tidbit for a hot minute.

“Kanan, and uh, Mari, good morning!” Eli smiles as she walks up to the couple who turns around to greet her in return.

“Good morning, Eli!” Kanan returns the smile, and Mari seems to beam at the sound of her name.

“Buongiorno!"

Eli gives herself a small mental pat on the back for remembering Mari’s name correctly. While they aren’t exactly friends, they’ve made small talk a couple times in the past and Eli doesn’t want to seem rude to someone she considers an acquaintance at least.

She notices Mari’s dressed up in the familiar purple uniform of Oharrero’s and takes note that she’s probably waiting for her coworker before opening up the shop. With that she glances over Kanan’s outfit and sure enough, it’s another keeper for sure. The green and red horizontal stripes of her overalls? pajamaralls? They looked so comfortable, and combined with a tiny hint of tree lights and that tight fitting white t-shirt underneath its a deadly holiday combination of both sexy and cute. Eli really needs to steal some fashion tips- this girl? You've heard of elf on the shelf, now get ready for Kanan's passion for fashion. She could probably rock a paper bag if she added some kind of festive decoration to it.

“Ready to open in a short moment?” Eli asks with her polite smile.

“Oh yeah! Gimme a sec.” Kanan grins and turns to Mari to say her goodbyes before they both get to work.

She busies herself with unlocking the sliding glass panes to open the store up for her and Kanan. As she does, she ends up a little closer to them and can overhear some words being said. Mari laughs a bit with Kanan and pulls away.

“Okay, I’ll invite Nozomi and Nico today and I’ll let you know if they’re gunna come, okay~? See if you can get Dia on board. Love you babe~” Mari gives her girlfriend a small wave before walking to the chocolate shop.

Eli hears those names mentioned and her curiosity goes from zero to a hundred in an instant. Inviting Nozomi and Nico? Get Dia on board? What could they be doing that involved her crushes and her other coworker?

Well she guesses it could be a lot considering Kanan and Mari are Dia’s best friends. It’s probably nothing more than a get together with friends. Deciding it’s not worth lingering on the thought, Eli pushes it to the back of her mind and gets into the workplace mindset.

She and Kanan enter and commence their walk around- they have fifteen minutes until the mall is officially open and so it’s up to them to make sure the store is presentable and ready for the rush of customers purchasing things for christmas. She realizes it hasn’t been that often that she’s got to work on shifts with Kanan and her alone, especially since most of the time Kanan was scheduled to join her and Dia on shifts. Today it’s the other way around, since Dia asked to come in later thanks to a planned brunch with her little sister and her girlfriends.

Eli decides to form a bit of small talk and get to know Kanan a bit more.

“So,” She starts, catching Kanan’s attention from the wall of expensive zip up sweaters, “How long have you known Dia?”

Kanan has a small hint of surprise in her eyes as her smile widens from the question.

“Grade school! We grew up together alongside our mutual friend-- my girlfriend, Mari.”

Kanan says it as if it’s one of the best things in the world and it warms Eli’s heart.

“I see.” Eli smiles warmly as she begins to count the till, making sure the change matches up with the required $150 that is meant to be left inside of it at the end of the night.

Kanan fixes up a couple of sweaters on the hangers and decides to keep speaking, wanting to confide more to her elder coworker.

“Dia is our best friend. To be honest, we’ve kinda been crushing on her for a long time now. Even when we started dating- we’ve always thought it’d be great if she could be apart of it too.”

Eli pauses her counting and her gaze immediately goes to the navy haired girl. Did she hear that correctly? The both of them have a crush on her?! Now this is some good, juicy love triangle gossip if she’d ever seen it. And Eli had seen a lot, on the big screen that is. Except it’s more like the triangle is Kanan and Mari mutually loving each other but also really loving someone else- So it’s less of a standard love triangle and more of an amazing polyamorous one. Like the ones she can’t watch on the big screen.

Eli decides that this is the perfect opportunity to pry.

“Have you guys thought about.. If she’s into dating two people?” Eli has to think about her question and Kanan seems a little. Disheartened.

“Sorta. Well, Mari made a lot of jokes about it in the beginning to the point where Dia doesn’t exactly believe us when we try to talk more about it, you know? She tries to joke less and be more serious these days, but because she’s so aloof and funny, Dia doesn’t really take it seriously.” Kanan laughs sheepishly and Eli nods, kinda understanding.

“Well, what about you?” Eli asks curiously, “Have you tired asking her out too?”

Kanan side steps a little and rubs the back of her neck, blushing.

“I uh. I try sometimes. When I show off- she gets reallll flustered around me cause she thinks I’m hot. But it’s like-” She pauses and laughs again, “I guess I’m not as brave as Mari and can’t really say it outloud like she can. I want to-- I want to a lot. I can say it to Mari but when i try to say the words “I like you” To Dia I just-”

That’s when Eli sees it. The look of a lovesick puppy. Kanan’s cheeks heat up in a way Eli’s never seen outside of interactions with her girlfriend every now and again. It makes her heart grow at least three sizes bigger. She’s rooting for these three! She can’t help it- she might not know Mari but if what Kanan says is true she can only imagine she wears the same lovestruck gaze Kanan does when talking about Dia.

“If it means anything, I think hearing it from you might make Dia take it a little more seriously.” Eli finishes up counting the cash and smiles reassuringly at Kanan, “She’s very fond of you, despite your fashion choices.”

Kanan laughs heartily at Eli’s teasing.

“One day, she’ll join us. And we’ll get that photo proof and Mari will have it blown up and framed inside of our cottage by the sea.”

Eli laughs. Damn- this girl really thought her future out with them. It’s literally the cutest thing she’s heard all day.

“What about you, Eli?”

“Hm? What about me?”

Kanan walks to the counter and leans on it, grinning up at her cheekily.

“So, anyone special you got your eye on?”

Kanan looks super mischievous and Eli hopes her cheeks haven’t tinted pink(they totally have.)

“Not- no, not exactly.” She replies, glancing away from her to the accessories rack.

Kanan waggles her eyebrows. Eli closes her eyes, feeling her gazes bore through her. She’s starting to understand what Dia means about Kanan being a handful in her own charming way.

“There’s some- well, a couple people who I’ve been interested in but.. Well, I have no time for it, really, and I don’t think it’d get further than acquaintanceship anyway.”

Excuses. All of them are excuses. Eli’s just a coward who can’t approach attractive possibly lesbian ladies. Unsurprisingly, Kanan can see through all of them like Elle Woods in the court, Eli is gay and European. She pushes herself off the counter and walks over to a display closer to Eli’s line of sight.

“What makes you think that? Have you ever tried to hangout with them or get their phone numbers?”

Eli can feel the air sucked out of her lungs at the idea. Kanan assumes too much of her- she couldn’t do that until they were at least a level 5 acquaintanceship and to get there would require Eli to actually take up Nozomi on her offer and visit the shop while she’s working (which, she has admittedly, not tried yet.) She laughs dryly.

“The only time I’m ever social is when I’m at work here with you girls. And well, I guess with my little sister.” She mumbles under her breath, “and sometimes my little sisters girlfriend..”

Kanan kinda pities her. Slightly. Eli looked like a functional lesbian when they first met, but now that she thinks about it? Disaster lesbian. The Eli peg on her mental chart of lesbians has moved and been solidly placed in that category.

“I’m kinda surprised! You look like the type of girl who would be a social butterfly, or at least someone involved in social activities.”

Eli shrugs a little.

“Looks can be deceiving. I was sorta cold and distant in school as a kid, and by the time I got to college I just sort of. Had no idea how to communicate informally around my peers. I’d get invited to go out to parties and stuff but the one time I went back in high school, it just felt awful. Super overwhelming and scary. I hadn’t really been to a party outside of family get togethers and it was all so different.”

There’s a twitch to Kanan’s eyebrow as she listens intently to Eli.

“But I don’t really mind. Parties aren’t my scene, I’m okay with that.”

It’s only five minutes until they’re open for business when Eli takes a quick look at her watch, so she decides that’s a good spot to end their conversation. Saved by the bell-- just in time.

“Five minutes left, let’s get ready to open the doors.”

“Ah, yes of course! I’m gonna turn on the radio, do you want AM or FM?”

Kanan walks behind the counter and picks up the small portable radio, watching as Eli goes to open the doors for the christmas rush that was coming their way. This plan could be a little harder than expected.

Eli folds some new sweaters that came in when Dia walks into the store ready for her shift. It’s just as she predicted- Dia walks straight up to Kanan with disgust plastered all over her face when she sees the girls attire for the day.

“Kanan Matsuura, what in the world are you wearing!? This is Chacci’s, not Santa’s workshop!”

Eli just can’t help it. With the new information she got this morning she has to see this through. She’s made it a personal goal to try to witness any and all growing feelings Dia could potentially have for her childhood friends. She folds the next sweater a bit slower to keep up with their small conversation.

“Oh come on, I’m wearing a normal t-shirt today!” Kanan laughs as Dia’s face grows more red.

“You know very well that’s not what I’m talking about.”

Despite how much Dia protests Eli can tell that she’s never really genuinely upset. It was amusing watching the two of them before, but now? Even more so, and the blush that dusts over Dia’s cheeks when Kanan is being her adorable self in those outfits makes Eli smile from ear to ear behind the stack of sweaters she’s folding where no one can see. Kanan and Mari were going to have another girlfriend in like, no time at all. Eli is already betting herself $10 that the two of them will succeed before the new year.

Eli folds the last sweater, and once she’s done a customer grabs her attention. A young woman, only a few years older than herself needs help with finding a couple christmas gifts. So Eli takes her to a couple different sections before they both land on the ‘Merry Chaccimas’ one. They have some of their bestsellers in that section, and Eli puts on her best customer service voice as she recommends the different fits to the woman.

The woman leaves the store happy with two of the higher quality blouses they sell in cute christmas designs and Eli surveys the store again to see Kanan and Dia had taken their conversation closer to the back of the store, sorting new products and pricing them. But what was this? Eli squints to see them better and-- oh my. They were standing much closer to each other all of a sudden.

She sadly can’t hear what they’re talking about all the way in the back of the store, so she decides to ignore it for now while she checks up on the counter. There’s some assorted clutter there and it’s a nice thing to focus on. She’s in the middle of tidying up the wrapping paper and ribbon when Kanan’s voice travels far enough to reach her ears.

“Is the Kurosawa Dia really going to turn down a challenge? I thought she could do pretty much anything.”

Did Eli just hear that right? What was this? Her ears perk up and she looks over to the two of them again. Her eyes as big as silver plates and ears tuned in like a radio for that juicy hot gossip.

They’ve moved a bit closer to where Eli was standing. Dia looks more than personally offended by Kanan’s statement, and then there’s Kanan with a smug confident grin on her face like she just won something. What was going down between them? Eli can only make blind guesses. Maybe Kanan finally confessed? Maybe she was going to confess? Wait Dia just finished putting away a pair of pants before turning her whole body completely towards Kanan, stepping completely into her personal space. Eli screams in silence as Dia lifts her hand closer to Kanan’s face. The tension, the suspense and finally the kiss-

Dia’s hand stops at Kanan’s shoulder before she jabs her very pointedly in the shoulder with her finger. It must’ve been pretty hard to, even Kanan who’s shoulders looks like they’re hard as marble winces slightly at that attack.

“How DARE you make such an assumption. Do you even know who I am!?”

“I just said your name a mome-”

“Then you know better than ANYBODY that I’m not going to back down. I’m going to do this-- and I’m going to win. Understood, Kanan?”

That’s when it falls into a more logical place, Eli’s seen the competitive side of Dia before but this is a whole new level. What’s Dia so determined to win? The small smile on Kanan’s lips looks like more of an uneasy one now, but it still has that hint of smugness that Eli can’t quite place. Its like Kanan agreed that Dia would win, but she wasn’t the one losing either way.

“Understood! I get it! You’re down for it!” Kanan tries to laugh it off but when Dia takes her hand away and goes back to the clothes, she see’s Kanan reach up to rub the spot she jabbed. Today’s the day Eli witnessed Dia Kurosawa dent a small bulk in the marble statue that is Kanan Matsuura. Whatever competition they have going on has to lead up to Dia getting together with Kanan and Mari. She’s betting on it.

“Anyway, Mari and I will fill you in later. I’ll be going to see her on my break to see if she got Nico and Nozomi to come so we’ll go from there.”

Eli hears that name again- Nozomi. That was the name of the pretty girl working at Oharrero’s. The really pretty one who dropped off chocolates Dia left at the store. Good god Eli really is a gay mess. She truly feels like a disaster lesbian. First she was daydreaming and cheering on her co-workers soon to be romance, and now she was back to thinking about that girl again, Nozomi...

Eli’s always known she’s been gay, but she never really acted on it. She’d delve into the depths of the internet and try to meet more girls online but being anti-social made it difficult for her to hold conversations with many of them. She had tried it all.. tinder, plentyoffish, match.com, but she rarely got past making a profile. She’d even tried going to a gay event at the college campus cafe once, but she couldn’t even bring herself to enter the door to the shop.

So she stuck with admiring pretty girls from afar, and it worked. For a while. Until she saw them working across the way. It started with the black haired girl- who Eli wants to say is Nico, given conversations she’s heard, but she has no confirmation on that- and it wasn’t long after before Nozomi joined the staff.

God it’s hard for her not to admire them on her shifts. She fantasizes about buying snacks from there just to get a closer look at their beautiful features. How pathetic- fantasizing about buying sweets to marvel cute girls instead of actually going to do it.

Sadly, Eli Ayase is a cowardly gay and could never. Besides they’re probably not gay. Even though she saw them holding hands leaving work one day and they totally blow kisses at each other. She’s seen it. But they’re definitely not gay. Or into her. They’re just gals being pals. Do they even know she exists? (a stupid thought- at least Nozomi knows she exists).

She pushes her gay crisis thoughts down with a small sigh and remembers work and her important task of managing the store.

She turns around to put away the gift wrapping supplies when she realizes Dia has come behind the counter to sort hangers from the changing rooms and such on the table behind her. (How long did she daydream for?).

Eli takes a quick look around and the store, not failing to notice it’s dead right now. Perfect. Eli decides to strike up conversation. A small distraction from the girls across the hall.

“What do you think of Kanan’s outfit today?” She starts, watching as Dia almost snaps the plastic hanger in her hands. She looks at Eli with a pointed stare.

Eli stares back at Dia with that knowing smile, and Dia literally wishes she could say something. Anything. But she respects her too much and Eli knows it.

“We will not comment on That.” Dia states flatly.

Before Eli can tease Dia a little more Kanan approaches the counter.

“Is it okay if I take my break now?”

Eli takes a quick glance to Oharrero’s and sees that it’s the shorter black haired girl working there today.

“Sounds good, give me a second to get you some cash-”

“Don’t worry about it today Eli, I got you covered,” Kanan beams and leans onto the counter closer to Eli and continues in a quieter voice, “Mari promised a bunch of free samples for us today.”

Eli blinks and smiles.

“I’ll have to thank her later on then.”

Before Kanan leaves she makes brief eye contact with Dia. She gives her a small wink and cheeky smile and then she’s out the door and on her way across the hall. Dia glowered a little bit and Eli’s curiosity comes back, but she says nothing.

There’s not a lot do in the store now. Eli and Dia sort out the rest of the hangers on the table together when Dia decides to speak up.

“You know, there is a place you could thank Mari personally.” Dia starts, bringing them into a topic of conversation.

“When she’s working..?” Eli says with the hint of a question

“Well if you’re going to be a smart then yes, that’s one way to.” Dia almost rolls her eyes and Eli can’t help but feel like she’s a part of Dia’s inner circle. She’s gotten a reaction like that from her! She’s succeeded!

Eli laughs and smiles.

“What were you really going to say?” She prods.

Dia waits a moment, examining Eli for any further teasing.

“Mari is going to be hosting a christmas party at her place. She hosts a holiday party around christmas and she’s decided to do a big christmas party this year. Don’t worry, it’s not on the actual day. A couple days before hand actually.” Dia says it as if she’s remembering all the small details, but looks at Eli with a soft smile.

“I think you’d like it- There won’t be too many others there and Mari tends to have a lot of fun...events.”

Dia looks as if she’s holding back saying some juicy details- maybe from past party experiences. She just has this face that says she wants to elaborate on what they consist of. On one hand, Eli wants to ask her what kind of events they are, but on the other hand she’s surprised- she didn’t expect to be invited to hang out with Dia at her friends party and- well, it is a little coincidental that she explained how parties aren’t exactly her thing to Kanan only hours before hand.

She feels a little sad that she’s probably going to decline.

“Events huh...” Eli decides to at least pretend she’s pondering going to the party. For Dia’s sake at least.

“Oh yes! Nobody is required to bring a gift and yet Mari likes making sure everyone gets a little something? She calls them wrapped party favours. Last year she gave my little sister the exact plush toy she had been eyeing in the window of the toy store here. I couldn’t believe it- Ruby hadn’t mentioned it to anyone and yet... And yet!”

Eli smiles to herself because the way Dia talks about her friend is so wholesome and sweet. It seems kinda like she likes them as more than a friend. Actually, Eli is completely sure about it. Or she’s putting way too much thought into this ever since Kanan mentioned it (she’s definitely put a lot more thought into ever since Kanan mentioned it.)

“Your little sister gets invited too?” She asks curiously.

“Oh well-- yes. She’s friends with Mari as well. She has a small circle of friends outside of us, and they happen to be friends Kanan lived near as a kid. It’s weird, but we’re all connected somehow and we’re all very good friends.”

Dia has such a soft smile and Eli understands why Kanan and Mari love it so much. Dia is a very, very cute girl.

“But anyways, the party-” she goes back to the most important footnote of the conversation. “Would you be interested in coming along?”

“Ah- I will, uh.” Eli’s trying to find the best excuse. What can she even say? ‘Sorry, I can’t because I have plans to stay at home and watch christmas movies alone and eat a whole tub of icecream all by myself while my little sister goes on her christmas date at her girlfriend's family’s christmas party?’ That is literally an excuse for Dia to pressure Eli into going to the party even more.

She swallows. She literally has nothing to do instead and she’s not a confident liar. Secret keeper? Sure. Liar? Well.

Saving her from actually answering, Kanan comes back with a bag of chocolates and a huge grin.

“Here you go Eli! And Dia, guess what!” She looks ecstatic- the definition of a happy little working elf.

“Hm? What is it?” Dia asks.

“Nico said yes! She messaged Nozomi and Nozomi’s down for it too! This year’s party is going to be great!” Kanan beams even more.

“It will be fun to have some new faces around for christmas!” Dia smiles delighted. Finally, some good fucking news.

“Right!? Mari’s hyped it up a lot to them and the moment she said this year there was going to be karaoke, Nico seemed to instantly agree. Apparently-” Kanan’s voice becomes background music.

Dia said the parties weren’t really that big, and they were fun. If it was only a few select friends and the cute girls that Eli’s been ogling  were going to be there. There really couldn’t be any harm in going, right?

Kanan and Dia discuss things a bit more before a customer walks over to them and asks if she could use the changing room. Kanan happily heads over to the changing station with them.

Now that Dia and Eli are alone again Eli decides to voice her decision.

“So... what day is the party? And could I have the address?”

“This saturday the 22nd, at the Ohara Mansion at 17 Cherry Tree Lane.”

Sure enough, after a long internal debate about going to a mansion christmas party, Eli finds herself on the front steps of the giant building. Mansion. She shouldn’t have agreed to going to a mansion of all places for a small christmas party.

But she did. And she’s here. In the nicest festive wear she could find (she does wish she had a more Kanan-like outfit, but the moment Dia’s lips said ‘Mansion’ Eli instantly went into presentable mode.) A simple long sleeve shirt with a cute snowflake pattern in a cute, light blue shade (her green one was in the wash and everything else she had didn’t quite scream christmas) followed by a cute and simple plaid skirt. If plaid doesn’t tell anyone at this party she’s here and she’s queer then she doesn’t know what will.

She’s perfectly on time, as one should be when going to a party (she assumes, she’s really guessing from her chick flicks). She isn’t sure whether to knock or ring the doorbell, but she imagines that knocking on the door when nobody is near it might be a bit useless. She locates the doorbell immediately and presses it.

Within moments Mari’s at the door and her eyes practically sparkle as she stares down at Eli. Wait- stares down? Eli blinks up rather surprised to see Mari is at least half a foot taller than she was before. A quick glance over shows Mari in a somewhat. Well. If Kanan’s fashion was bad according to Dia, Eli can only imagine how she feels about the voluptuous snowman and it’s “sexy and I snow it” caption beside it. Glancing downward she sees the dangerous looking christmas shoes Mari wears and suddenly her height change makes complete sense.

She really hopes Mari doesn’t break her ankle when she trips.

“Ayase-san! Welcome! Come right in, you’re one of the first few guests to arrive!” Mari steps to the side to let Eli into the colossal household. Before Eli can take a step further though, Mari stops her.

“Hold up! You’re under the mistletoe~”

Eli’s eyes widen in surprise and she looks around helplessly until she sees it- right on Mari Ohara herself. Directly inside the little loop of blonde hair she likes to wear. It looks like its solidly tied in and Eli can feel a nervous sweat beginning to form. She barely knows her and she has to kiss her?!

“E-erm.” Eli mumbles.

Mari breaks and laughs.

“It’s joke! Don’t worry, I won’t force you to give me a smooch if you’re not comfortable with it Ayase-san. You’re one of the three newer guests to the party so if you don’t want to, you don’t have to!”

“T-Thank you.” She smiles a bit awkwardly as she continues past Mari, slipping off her boots, “Thank you for the invite as well.”

Mari beams as Eli decides to take in her environment. She can tell they take the holidays very seriously in the Ohara household. On every door frame and banister were decorations galore- some were a variety of christmas lights, some were fancy garlands with decorative little ornaments hanging from them. In almost every corner was a fancy christmas themed object of sorts- the most visible things were the miniature christmas trees and their themed ornaments (Eli swears she saw one that just had a bunch of ornaments that were photos of Mari and her family. It’s actually very cute.)

And then there was the giant golden statue in the middle of the room that looked like, no. It was a Mari statue, decorated in a christmas sweater and reindeer antlers on its head, and it even had a red nose attached somehow too. What exactly had she walked into?

Mari leads her into the house after she takes off her boots and directs her to where the party will be held- the main living room. Elis eyes widen and she gasps in wonder at the delightful decorations. There’s a long table by the window filled with punch and snacks of all sorts, a gigantic christmas tree with a star on the top (and another image in the star- a photo of Mari? good lord.) the ornaments are a decorative red, green, gold and silver and the lights aren’t super bright leds, but beautiful dim and golden. Honestly, Eli can’t believe how wonderful the place is- she feels like this isn’t just somebody's house.

A voice pulls her from her thoughts and she turns to find Dia sitting on a sofa with a shorter, red haired girl next to her. She seems a little startled by Dia’s greeting but her eyes are all on her. It only takes one glance at those wide green iris’ for Eli to make the connection between her and Dia- that’s Ruby! Eli smiles and decides to head over to that spot.

“You made it Ayase-san!” Dia says happily, “On time too! That says more than the other guests.”

Eli would object but it does seem a little odd nobody has arrived at the correct time. Then again, parties seem to be a casual get together so Mari might not be a stickler for guests being a little later than the planned time. Mari comments on how she’s going to see if Kanan’s ready and that she’ll be back in a few minutes, and that clears up where her other coworker is. She’s happy to know they’re both here and she wouldn’t be alone in a strangers house waiting for them.

She and Dia fall into small conversation. Dia properly introduces her to Ruby, and while Ruby seems a little shy, she’s a delight to be around. She loves to knit and has a huge interest in sweets, particularly hard candies. She makes a mental note of that.

Mari returns shortly after, taking a seat with the group and commenting that Kanan’s just finishing getting ready and will be down soon. Dia and Ruby decide to grab a couple snacks from the table and that leaves Eli alone with the Oharrero’s employee.

Eli decides to dive right into interrogation.

“Ohara-san?” Eli says, turning her body to face her. Mari is attentive and smiles.

“Call me Mari~” she responds with a grin, “What’s up? Did you need anything?”

“Please call me Eli then!” She responds in kind, continuing to speak, “I don’t really need anything in particular. I just kinda wanted to ask about your relationship with Dia.” She glances to the refreshments to make sure Dia is preoccupied. “Kanan’s told me a brief history, but I was just curious about how you feel.”

Mari is surprised by the question, but if there’s a blush on her face it’s practically invisible.

“I’ll give you the longer version another time, but all I can really say about it right now is I plan to change our relationship somehow tonight. Hopefully for the better.” She flashes Eli a playful wink and it brings out the first of what she hopes is many laughs.

“Is that Eli?! You made it!” A new voice comes in and before Eli can even identify the speaker, there’s a loud shriek.

“KANAN MATSUURA WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS.”

On the staircase on the other side of the room, Kanan wears a red and white themed christmas suit of sorts? It’s definitely a suit, it’s a proper suit jacket but with short sleeves, and instead of having pants it’s a pair of matching shorts. She wears almost knee length red and white striped socks matched by converse with a red backdrop followed by snowflake patterns. The little christmas trees on the fabric of the clothes add more of a colour pop, even the tie matches the suits fabric, and honestly its. Well, it’s a lot. Eli appreciates Kanan’s sense of style (or lack thereof) but she wonders if there’s more to the outfit choice than its christmas spirit and stylish accessorising.

Eli watches as Dia goes through the seven stages of grief almost instantly. Ruby looks concerned but there’s a slightly amused smile threatening to show itself. Kanan can’t help but laugh as she adjusts her santa hat.

“Awh, come on Dia! It’s christmas! Mari gave me special permission to adorn this outfit tonight~”

“Kanan Matsuura you are going to be the death of me.” Dia says exasperatedly before turning to Mari with a pleading gaze. “Mari Ohara, tell me you didn’t.”

Mari, immovable as she is, flashes her a peace sign.

“It was all Kanan wanted for christmas this year! I couldn’t say no!”

Eli wishes she was filming Dia’s face as her lips formed a tight line and her gaze burned into Mari’s. She turns to Ruby and Ruby looks up at her, wondering what her choice will be. Eli’s tempted to visit the popcorn bowl just to snack and watch the younger girl as she decides whether she’ll spend the night here or not.

Her decision is made for her when the doorbell rings, signalling the arrival of other guests.

Eli sort of loses track of time. She’s aware two people have arrived together- two more unfamiliar faces. They greet Mari with cheek kisses as if it were an everyday thing before moving like magnets towards Ruby. Eli learns from Dia that they’re her younger sisters friends and companions (A fact that surprises Eli a little bit- her little sister has two girlfriends before her? Eli almost pities Dia.) The shorter, chubbier girl is named Hanamaru while the taller, lankier and goth looking one calls herself Yohane (a self given nickname, according to Dia.)

Shortly after them is a group of three girls, two who were Kanan’s other childhood friends. Chika and You grew up on the same street as her and Chika and Kanan’s families have been friends since before they were born. Their other friend, Riko, has only been attending the christmas parties for a few years now, but as used to it as she should be she’s still pleasantly surprised by the size of the mansion like Eli is.

Which, somehow, with all these new people arriving, makes the huge building so much smaller. Eli’s beginning to feel the onset of that familiar anxiety she feels when being in large groups. She moves to the refreshments table, pretending to eye all the goodies as a tactic to keep her mind off of socializing with the unfamiliar girls. Dia’s gotten lost in a conversation with the the girl named Riko and somehow Kanan has ended up chatting it up with Dia’s little sister and her girlfriends. Eli’s only other option is Mari, but she doesn’t seem to be around at the moment?

As she has that thought she realizes why that is.

“Okay everyone! Looks like all our guests have arrived!” Mari calls from the entrance of the room and Eli’s eyes land on the guests she’s been nervous and excited to see all night.

Mari’s coworkers have arrived, both together and Eli is almost floored by their appearance. No christmas party is truly complete without everyone enjoying the festive sweaters and Nozomi and Nico are no strangers to it. Nico wears a sweater with the body of an elf starting at the collar of the sweater. It makes it look as if she herself is the elf and its humorous and adorable all at the same time. Eli notices the scrunchies in her hair have holly and little jingle bells tied to it and god. Waiting awkwardly in that odd span of time just to see how this girl could rock the ugliest of christmas sweaters was worth it. She wonders if its her makeup that helps complete the look- it looks so simple and yet so elegant- Nico definitely knows what she’s doing to make those eyeliner wings look on fleek and Eli doesn’t even know if her contour is makeup or natural- in this lighting it’s really hard to tell.

That’s only Nico though-- Nozomi on the other hand has taken a page from Mari’s book. Her hair is tied in a beautiful long braid with little holly decorations weaved through the strands to match Nico’s, but the sweater is something else entirely. The chest part of the fabric is covered by mittens and the text reads in bright red ‘Tit’s the season.’ It’s awful. It’s a seriously corny joke. Eli might not even be fond of it if it wasn’t for the fact one of the cutest girls here was wearing it.

She has no idea how she’s going to make it out of this party alive. She reaches for the punch, pours herself a cup and throws it back, drinking it all in one gulp before pouring herself another cup. When did she get this thirsty?

In her haze of admiring her crushes and drinking punch, Eli finds herself back in the spot she’d been sitting in before. She idly watches the two of them out of the corner of her eye and she see’s Mari share a laugh with the both of them. Nozomi’s eyes crinkle adorably as she giggles and Nico’s match and god- agreeing to this party is either the best idea she’s had in months or it will kill her on sight (much like Kanan’s outfits for Dia.) In her staring she fails to notice that the two have started walking over towards the couchs where she sits and she hasn’t even looked away.

At this point Eli really wishes she would be taken out, in a date way or a sniper way, she wasn’t very picky right now. She definitely just got caught staring. She brings her attention downward and decides hey, her punch is probably a much better topic to focus on at the moment. She looks down and peers into the cup and its.. empty? When did she drink her second glass?! She vaguely remembers bringing the cup up to her lips as she was watching the Oharrero employees and- well. She realizes she probably took another one big gulp in that moment. This is embarrassing.

The spot next to her sinks and Dia has taken the spot next to Eli. She looks a little defeated- or exhausted? It’s hard to tell at the moment. She smiles a bit sympathetically at her and Dia only sighs. She’s aware other people have decided to sit near them and Dia’s defeated gaze only perks up, a fire igniting inside them as she smiles politely.

“Toujou-san! Yazawa-san! It’s great to see you could make it too.”

Oh my god Eli really has to stop spacing out- she thought the two of them were across the room still and now they’re already taking seats with them. She’s unprepared! What’s a good conversation topic? What happens if they point out she was staring? Does she have any excuses prepared? Oh god- she’s doing it again. She pushes the anxious gay baby thoughts away and makes a new goal for the party; no more spacing out. Ignore the cute girls- stay present for any and all conversations she’s included in and make it out of this alive with her pride damaged as little as possible.

She’s aware they’ve greeted her and she can feel her muscles robotically moving to wave a tiny bit. She says hello and puts her arm down. It feels like this itself is an out of body experience and she feels so awkward. She prays that they don’t notice.

Dia strikes a conversation with the three of them and Eli is. Vaguely aware of the topic. They’re talking about the mall. She can hear her replies and she’s taking in everyone’s words but it feels so forced. She feels a little uncomfortable. She can feel the walls of the mansion slowly closing in on them all and the air is getting a little harder to breath. When did the room get so small? Did everyone suddenly move closer to them? She glances around to be sure but there’s quite a distance between her and the other guests who have taken seats on other various furniture pieces surrounding them.

The sensible side of her is gone and she realizes that it took very little time for her to begin spacing out again. This is hopeless. At least Dia is here to keep conversation between the four of them going.

As she thinks that Dia suddenly pauses her conversation and stands up, glaring in the direction of Kanan.

“Ruby don’t you DARE put on Kanan’s tie! I refuse to let her cursed clothes go near you!” She’s pushed herself off the couch and over to them. Kanan and Hanamaru start to laugh while Ruby pushes herself into Yohane to make sure that Kanan’s tie really doesn’t touch her.

Eli’s eyes widen and her smile becomes a little tense as she realizes she’s been abandoned by the one person helping her power through talking to her crushes. Nico watches Dia move in amusement and Nozomi’s lips move and words come from her mouth and- oh! oh shit, she’s talking to her!

“S-sorry?” Eli mumbles a little helplessly. You’ve heard of Rudolph the red nosed reindeer, now get ready for Eli Ayase the red faced lesbian. The embarrassed blush that lightly dusted her cheeks all night suddenly becoming a giant beacon of bright red.  

Nozomi only smiles that lovely soft smile and Eli feels like she could melt into the damn couch.

“Is this your first Ohara christmas party too?” She asks again.

This is her chance. She can feel it- her anxiety is screaming at her but she forces it down once again. She takes in a small breath and speaks, hoping her reply is more confident than cold.

“It is.” She says. She can feel it- her prides patting her on the back. Her brain cells kiss and cheer while her heart is beating louder and happier. She did it! She spoke to the cute girls at the party!

Now it’s time to see if she can keep the conversation going.

“This is-  i-it’s my first christmas party I’ve ever been to that didn’t include my extended family.” She feels a little embarrassed and mumbles a little quieter “Actually it’s more like the only party I’ve ever been to without my extended family.”

“Really?!?” Nico replies a little loudly but she looks very shocked- alarmed even, “Are you saying you’ve never been invited to christmas parties at all?!”

“Oh! No- no no. That’s not it. I mean-” Eli laughs a bit fumbling with her words, “I don’t really go to parties at all. I get invited to things here and there but I’ve never gone to anything until now really.”

God she hopes they don’t find that lame. Nico looks at her with a little disbelief while Nozomi hums. She nods a bit as if to understand something not spoken.

“I wondered- you seem like an introvert.” She says it a bit bluntly and Nico nudges her a bit as if she’s said something offensive.

Eli kinda laughs at that. Nozomi really hit the nail on the head with that comment. She reaches her hand up to brush a strand of hair behind her ear before looking at them with an uncertain smile.

“Is it that obvious?” She asks a little sheepishly.

“Only to Nozomi.” Nico responds immediately and reassuringly, “This girl can read anybody like the palm of their hand- Literally. She’s a fortune teller.”

A cup of something has manifested itself into her hands and Eli realizes that someone has walked over to them with a tray of drinks- wait, a server?! What kind of party is this? She thanks the waiter and realizes there’s a good amount of heat coming from the cup and the aroma of hot chocolate fills her senses and soothes her entire soul. Maybe Mari is looking out for her somehow- sending a waiter with her favourite hot beverage is definitely helping her keep this conversation alive.

She remembers the last bit of Nico’s sentence and looks at Nozomi with curiosity and a crooked smile. A fortune teller! That’s pretty neat!

“Fortune telling?!” She says with a voice that dies to ask more about it.

The violet haired girl laughs and waves her hand.

“It’s nothing impressive, just basic fortunes for questions about the future, careers, school,” She looks at her with this gaze that’s somehow very different from all the ones she’s seen before as she says the next word, ”Love,”

Love. Eli wonders what kind of love fortune she’d get if she were to ask Nozomi about it. The temptation to ask her for one is real but she knows it’d be pretty rude to ask for such a personal fortune in the middle of a party.

“That’s amazing!” Eli decides to say, conversation finally coming easier to her. She looks to Nico with bright eyes filled with wonder, “What about you? Do you have any hobbies like that?”

Nico smirks and Eli swears she can see Nozomi shake her head.

“Absolutely! You’re looking at the soon to be number one idol Ni-”

“NICO-NII~” Mari interrupts and finishes as she puts her arms around Nozomi and Nico’s shoulders and puts her head between them. “You girls having a good time~? I see you’re chatting it up with Eli!”

Nico looks offended for being interrupted and Nozomi looks like she was trying to hold back a laugh. Then Nico notices it. The little plant inside Mari’s hair loop.

“Mari, is that mistletoe in your fucking hair?!”

“You bet! Now pucker up and plant one on the cheek!” She directs her to her cheek and grins. “I’m the tallest thing here and the rule is as long as you’re under it you must smooch!”

Looks like Mari’s not shy with people she’s closer to. Eli feels a little special knowing she wasn’t forced to do it while these two are. Nico, while hating it, doesn’t protest and gives her a peck on the cheek. Mari then turns to Nozomi ready to tell her to do the same, but Nozomi has a different idea. Instead, Nozomi lifts her hand up to tilt Mari’s chin just a bit lower with her hand. Mari looks flustered for a brief moment, a little confused about what’s about to happen until Nozomi plants a short, chaste kiss directly on Mari’s lips.

The party practically freezes as everyone notices The Mari Ohara has been smooched on the lips by someone who isn’t Kanan. Conversation pauses and Eli wishes- oh how she fucking wishes- that she was Mari Ohara in that moment. Kanan whoops when Nozomi pulls away from Mari with a cheeky grin. Mari comes to and laughs, pushing herself up.

“Dang Toujou, I would’ve reapplied my lipgloss if I knew you were gunna go for the lips~”

“What can I say Marichi-” She glances over to Eli when she says this, but its brief, “I’m full of surprises~”

The small group laughs and Eli joins in, finally feeling completely relaxed in the party setting. There’s a blush dusting her cheeks and she lifts her cup up to take a sip of her hot beverage. She closes her eyes and lets the content feeling wash over her.

With that over Mari announces for everyone to get hyped because it’s time for the christmas karaoke contest! Mari will select four people to draw two names from a hat and the people who are picked will become the drawers teammates. Each group will choose a christmas song to sing and the team that gets the best score on the karaoke machine is the winner!

Dia, Yohane, Chika and Nico are selected to draw the names from the special karaoke hat. Yohane goes first, sticking her hand into the hat and drawing two pieces of paper. Chika follows suit, quickly picking her two. Dia dives in next and that leaves the last two names for Nico.

“Okay girls! Open it up, tell us who’s gunna be with who! Then we’ll take five minutes to decide our christmas carols before the competition begins~” Mari says with a grin.

“Ah! Lily! Mari! Guilty Kiss is reunited for another year!” Yohane looks over to Mari, who brings her arm around Riko’s shoulders and pulls her close. Riko, though mildly alarmed, smiles.

“HEY! YOU! RUBY! I GOT YOU GUYS!” Chika shouts and looks excitedly to her friends. Dia’s little sister jumps from surprise, but her eyes reflect nothing but excitement. You salutes.

Dia opens her papers and she looks mildly surprised.

“Oh! would you look at that. Looks like I’ve got Hanamaru and-” her tone of voice changes as she leers at the tall festively dressed girl, “Kanan.”

Kanan beams and Hanamaru claps her hands together.

“I guess that means I got you guys.” Nico turns to Nozomi and Eli with a half grin, “Don’t worry- you’re both in great hands with a karaoke star like me~”

“You say that but we won’t know until we hear the others sing now will we?” Nozomi says in a teasing tone. Nico sticks her tongue out at her and the two of them share a laugh.

Eli swallows a bit nervously as the girls disperse into their groups. Nico’s playful expression suddenly dissolves and becomes serious. She lifts her hands and gestures for both Nozomi and Eli to come in close. Nozomi gets it instantly but it takes a few more gestures towards Eli from Nico for her to realize what she’s asking.

“Ah! Sorry!” Eli moves closer to them and huddles in close. She can feel Nico’s arm come around her shoulder to bring her and Nozomi closer so that nobody could hear what they were saying and- is that a hint of honey? It smells like honey, cinnamon and maybe even a hint of vanilla? God, what festive scents were these two wearing?!

“Okay listen up- I knew this was happening and already demanded for the set list of songs to choose from. Mari gave them to me no problem but scanning these girls, it’s easy to see who will choose what song. So it’s up to us not to choose the same song and rock it, alright?” Nozomi and Eli nod once and Nico continues, “Great, so I already know Mari’s for sure.”

“My only wish?” Nozomi asks with amusement in her voice.

“My Only Wish.” Nico confirms.

Eli blinks as she thinks of what song that is.

“Oh! The Britney one!” She says, a tiny proud smile on her lips.

Nico looks almost endearingly at Eli and there’s something about it. She feels like Nico just came to a decision somehow. She blushes a bit under her gaze and avoids looking directly into her red eyes.

“Yeah, the Britney one! So, we gotta get them with something just as good and pop sounding- but not Mariah Carey.”

“Eh? Why not?” Nozomi asks kind of hushed, “How do we compete with Mari’s team if we can’t sing that?”

“Because team over there,” Nico jabs her thumb at Ruby’s group “Has the one who was talking about how it’s her favourite christmas carol so they’re definitely going to sing that. Have you seen her? She’s an adorable ball of cute and there’s no way the butch girl and the orange haired girl will say no to that.”

“Aah, I see I see.” Nozomi frowns. “Well, what song do we sing then?”

Nico and Nozomi look to Eli for a suggestion and Eli kinda blanks. What could combat a wonderful pop song by famous ladies at christmas time? Certainly not an old timey tune. What kind of christmas carols do the boy bands sing around this time?

It doesn’t take Eli long to think of an option.

“Erm.. Maybe Beautiful Christmas by Big Time Rush? It isn’t super popular, but if we use a boy band song we could have a chance.”

Nozomi’s eyebrows rise and Nico thinks about it. They ponder Eli’s choice and Nico slowly nods. She likes the idea the more she thinks about it.

“That could work. You’re right, it’s not popular, but I think we all know it, right?”

“Yup! I remember it.” Nozomi replies, “Think we can sing it better than they can?”

“Are you kidding?!” Nico says with a smirk, “We’re gunna make it more popular after this party.”

They pull out of their huddle and Eli giggles, unable to hide her amusement. She’s kind of excited to see how they do- she hasn’t sung in front of a big group since her family reunion earlier this year so she hopes it’s a great time. It’ll be her first of what she hopes is many karaoke times with these girls.

The other groups are ready and there’s a quick lottery game to decide the singing order of each group. Chika gets the longest straw, so their group will be singing first. Followed by Dia, then Mari’s and finally, them. Nico grumbles, hating her terrible luck but Nozomi pats her on the back saying the best are always saved for last. Eli smiles a bit when Nico leans into her and her chest feels warm. Their relationship is really wonderful. Part of her aches to be apart of it too, but nevertheless, she’s content to see them happy and affectionate with one another.

The competition soon begins and as Nico predicted, the first song by their group is Mariah Carey’s christmas hit. They rock it and get a pretty decent score before handing the mics off to Dia’s team. They surprise a few people with their choice of jingle bell rock, but it’s absolutely adorable watching the older girls and the younger one jam to the tune as they belt out the words. Finishing up for the other teams is Mari’s and of course, as Nozomi and Nico knew they would, they sing Britney’s christmas ballad to a perfect t. Their score is an all time high apparently and Dia looks as if she’s unhappy already knowing her team is either in a hard second or an unfortunate third place. Eli wants to laugh- that girl really does get way too into the spirit of competition a little too much.

She really hopes they don’t mind third place once her team takes the winning score.

The microphones are handed to the three of them. The other nine girls seem surprised by their song choice and that fuels the competitive rush that grows inside of Eli. She wonders if she’s just absorbing some of that energy from Nico, because this girl radiates absolute confidence for their group. Their colours are chosen for the lines and verses they’ll get to sing outside of the chorus and soon the tune begins.

Being a former ballet competition dancer had its perks in her youth- she may not have been social with peers, but she learnt at a young age how to get through stage nerves. She stands with Nico and Nozomi and before long the three of them are singing along to the words. Eli gets absorbed into the moment, focusing on the lyrics and singing loudly and proudly. Her voice echoes throughout the room and while she can’t pay attention to the audience, she adores how Nico faces her instead of the screen with the lyrics.

They get to the chorus and for a brief and wonderful moment, it feels like its just her and her crushes. Eli feels like the three of them are in some weird kind of limbo, singing a cheesy boy band christmas song and having a good time with just one another. They get really into their performance and Eli isn’t too nervous or embarrassed at the end of it when Nico and Nozomi drape their arms around her and they laugh together.

“Holy shit! How come you never told us you could sing that great?! You were fantastic!” Nico’s face is red from the exertion and their labored breaths are synchronized as the machine finishes tallying their score.

“OOH! We have a tie! We’re gunna need to pick a tie breaker song!”

The three look at the machine and sure enough, their team tied scores with Mari’s. The three of them lock eyes and as a consolation prize, the remaining six girls get to decide what the tie breaker song would be. They’re all huddled up around the machine screen while the others wait patiently. Since there’s only three microphones, the groups decide to do a tag team competition; two girls from each team will get to sing a part of the song together at the same time and swap out until the ending chorus, where they’ll all try really hard to sing together with their limited microphones.

Soon the song is chosen and both Nico and Nozomi push Eli up to sing the first verse against Riko. The two make eye contact briefly before the look to the screen and the words “Last Christmas” pop up. Eli smiles. It’s her favourite version too- Cascada’s.

The begin to sing and Eli shows Riko no mercy. She swaps with Nozomi, high fiving her and handing her the mic as she steps up to compete with Yohane. They have a little more fun with it, bringing their mics closer and singing so competitively you’d feel like they were competing on the voice. The next verse is handed off to Nico and Mari who, albeit a little dramatically, conquer the second last verse before the rest of their teams are brought up. Nico and Mari hold their mics while the teams sing and once the song ends, the room is filled with a lot of laughter and applause.

By the end of it Eli’s contently between both Nico and Nozomi as the score is calculated and she really doesn’t care. Mari’s team could keep the prizes if it meant she would continue to have this much fun alongside her crushes. She’s lost in the way it feels having them so close, the warmth that comes from the two of them and the pure happiness she has.

This is the best (first) party ever.

As a fun cool down they decide to sing a few more songs, with solo performances and different teams coming together. Somehow everyone convinces Eli to sing ‘Where are you christmas’ and Faith Hill’s version has nothing on hers. By the end of it Nico’s actually shed some tears and is desperately finding something reflective to make sure she didn’t smear her makeup too much. She looks over and see’s Kanan somehow comforting Dia over her loss, offering the girl a cookie cut into the shape of a santa hat.

Dia takes it and nibbles on it when Mari announces they have to make some space for the next activity. The guests get up and assist with pushing some of the furniture to the side and Kanan goes off into another room, bringing You for some assistance.

When they return they have what looks like two level changing posts- like something you’d find in a gym, sort of, and then a long, red and green decorated pole. Kanan and Mari begin to set it up and within seconds Eli’s put it all together- They’re all about to limbo.

There seems to be a catch when Mari comes out with a few pillows.

“Good thing we all wore sweaters we can stuff this into! otherwise Santa limbo wouldn’t be as fun!”

Oh my god. They’re going to pretend to be santa and limbo. Eli is ecstatic- this is so much better than she anticipated the game of limbo to be and she feels like this is going to be one of the funniest games she’s ever witnessed. She’s still pretty closely huddled to Nozomi and Nico and Nico wears the most sour expression Eli’s seen to date.

“That thing is gunna look hideous under my sweater. Nozomi I don’t like this.” Nico mumbles in an unamused tone.

“Aww, but you’ll look like an adorable chubby little elf! And who knows, you could win since you’re the shortest one here!” She laughs at her own joke and Nico glares.

“You know what Nozomi? For that I’m gunna kick your ass at this game.” Eli can feel Nico moving away from her and Nozomi in favour of grabbing a pillow to start the limbo.

Everyone gets a turn and the game starts out pretty great, but turns into a catastrophe the moment they set the bar lower by three levels. Mari’s heels have become her ultimate weakness as they slide out from underneath her and she lands flat on her back, her belly knocking the pole down instantly. When she gets up she trips and falls directly onto Dia, who falls right onto Kanan, who lands perfectly on the floor and cushioning the two of them from a dangerous fall. Eli makes sure to get a quick snapshot on her phone before Dia, beet red in the face, squirms out from between the laughing girls. Chika and Ruby both do the exact same thing and puff the santa belly out too much, sliding the pole off before they could bend back more. Yohane got knocked out in the first round, but she roots for her other girlfriend as she maneuvers perfectly. Kanan, Nozomi and Eli don’t last longer than the first three rounds and Eli sits in the losers section with her watching as the game slowly narrows down to its semi finalists: Hanamaru, Dia, and Nico.

The pole gets dangerously low and all eyes are on Dia. She’s significantly taller than Nico and Hanamaru and her determination to win could end up being her downfall. Hanamaru herself doesn’t look to bothered, but Nico looks. Well. She’s happy she’s gotten far but she realized partially through the game that she’s proving Nozomi is right by winning this. She pats the pillow stuffed under her sweater and turns in the direction she and Eli sit and glares at them before she goes in for another turn, clearing yet another level of the lowered pole.

When Dia goes up next, she unfortunately pulls a Mari and slips. She falls directly onto her back with a loud thud. The pole falls on top of her and she’s booted out of the game. Eli can’t hide her little giggles as Dia moves to the losers couch next to her to grumble about the game being unfair to the taller members.

“Don’t sweat it Dia, you did great!” Kanan says with a positive smile.

“Yeah! For one of the taller girls, you really lasted so much longer than we thought! We assumed you were going to lose right in the beginning.” Mari jokes and Dia glares in her direction.

“You underestimate the power of a Kurosawa. Unlike Kanan here, who doesn’t doubt my drive to win.” Kanan feels a bit of pride at that statement and Mari laughs.

“Oho! You say that but you have yet to complete the biggest challenge of the night- giving me a kiss~” Mari points to her mistletoe and smirks, “You’re like, the only one here who hasn’t given me one! It’s rude! This is an activity too you know! You gotta kiss under the mistletoe!”

Dia opens her mouth to object and then closes it. Then opens it again and blushes. Eli’s eyes are glued to the scene next to her and she practically forgets about Nico and Hanamaru dueling it out under the limbo pole as she watches Dia figure out what to do with the situation. She watches Dia take in her scenery, noticing Mari is behind the couch and draped between her and Kanan. Eli see’s the look of an idea come to her and an even bigger blush forming on her cheeks and watches as Dia reaches past Mari to grab Kanan by her christmas tie, pull her in closer and plant a small kiss directly on her lips.

Mari practically falls backward, losing her footing from the imbalance of her reeling backward off the couch and not catching herself in time. She lands on her butt for a third time and she almost screams in delight. Eli beats her to it, gasping only loud enough for Kanan and Dia to hear her. She covers her mouth to refrain from making anymore noises but Nozomi and a couple others look over to see Dia pulling away from Kanan, both of their faces bright red. The corner of Kanan’s lip quirks upward is disbelief and Mari pulls herself up from the ground to look at Dia in disbelief and awe.

“Excuse me!? Did I just see what I think I did?!” Mari practically shouts, catching the attention of everyone now.

Nico, who is under the limbo pole, drops to the ground from the surprise of it all and ends up losing the game (something she intends to argue about later, when the commotion has died down.) Ruby’s eyes sparkle with almost as much excitement as Eli’s do while the others look on mildly surprised and a little confused.

“You bet you did. The rules of the mistletoe is you have to kiss someone under it. There was only Kanan under it, because you’re wearing it. Challenge won. Now excuse me.” Is all Dia says as she stands up and decides now, of all times, is the best time to use the restroom real quick (but Eli knows a gay panic when she sees one and Dia’s going to give herself a brief moment alone to do just that).

The commotion seems to fade into the background as everyone celebrates Hanamaru’s win from the limbo game. Kanan, still stunned, sits on the couch with her hand going to her lips while Mari decides to grab Hanamaru her prize before scampering off to find Dia and question her some more on those loopholes. Eli can’t stop the smile on her face. It’s huge. This is literally everything she could have wanted from a party and she feels absolutely blessed. Nozomi seems to notice and she nudges her a bit.

“How long have you been waiting for that to happen?” She grins as she asks the question.

“Since the day I got invited to this party,” Eli admits a little sheepishly, “Kanan filled me in on a lot of things and I’ve sort of been rooting for them ever since. Dia’s very inexperienced and you can tell she’s always wanted to be some kind of thing with them. It’s not evident, but it’s there, you know?”

Nozomi nods because she knows. She knows all too well about someone being very inexperienced and wanting to be some kind of thing with someone. She looks at Eli with a stare that says she knows a lot more than what Eli might think when it comes to inexperienced gays pinning for people. Eli continues speaking, not really thinking about her words.

“Makes me kind of envious, you know? I’ve always wanted a girlfriend and suddenly my coworker has two potential ones who want nothing more than her to be with them too.”

Great! Eli just practically outed herself to this girl in more ways than one. Her eyes widen and she can feel the colour draining from her face as she watches Nozomi’s eyes illuminate and make all the connections she really, truly hoped wouldn’t happen for months after this party. The colour comes back in a full, bright santa suit red and Eli wishes she could fade into nothingness as Nozomi gazes at her. Nozomi leans closer and Eli finds herself wanting to lean back a bit, but she’s frozen. She has no idea what to do.

“She doesn’t have to be the only one getting two girlfriends at once.” she says in a voice like a whisper, pulling back only to wink and causing Eli’s face to ignite into even more brighter shade of red.

She blinks once. Twice. Her mouth opens and she gapes for a moment. Was that correct? She heard that correctly right? She can’t confirm it because everyone around them isn’t paying attention to the two of them and Eli’s mind is spinning with thoughts.

“What.” Is all she manages to squeak out, not even in a questioning tone.

Nozomi laughs and stands up, holding her hand out for Eli’s. Eli hesitates before reaching up and taking it. Nozomi glances over to see Nico is distracted with the other kids, wanting to get a retry out of them. She pulls Eli along towards the glass doors by the refreshment table, deciding their conversation should be a little more private. For Eli’s sake, really. Eli lets herself be pulled away and as they reach the glass doors she notices Mari has returned, hand in hand with Dia and a big bright grin on her face- Something tells her that Mari got exactly what she’s been wishing for this christmas in that time alone with Dia.

It’s chilly outside, but not bad. Her face is so hot Eli can’t even really tell that it’s cold at all. They stay a few feet away from the door, standing on the stone patio together. Nozomi lets go of her hand and turns to face her, smiling affectionately.

“I’ve been trying to pin you somewhere on my gaydar- I knew you were either bi or a lesbian, but I think you just confirmed it for me.” She says it in a playful tone and Eli wishes she could just stick her head into the ground.

She feels both intimidated and relieved. Thank god her gay ass is obvious- it’s helpful for her to know this as she does try to show and express it. She does wish she had a gaydar like Nozomi’s- it’d be easier to find other lesbians and get into the gay scene.

“I wish I could read people as well as you could.” She laments with an awkward smile, “It would’ve saved me a lot of unwanted conversations and maybe given me the courage to try a few more things.”

“Like the ones you want to have where you come visit me or Nicocchi at work?” she can’t stop her teasing and Eli almost puts her face into her hands.

“God was I that obvious to you two?!” She almost cries and Nozomi can’t stop her laughs.

“We ended up creating a game over how many times we caught you looking over at us! I’m in a five point lead right now~”

Eli wants to shrivel up and die. She hates this. She came to the party to have fun with her crushes, not accidentally out herself only to learn that they could tell she felt something for them the whole time.

“God I’m so embarrassed.” She mumbles, shyly pulling at a strand of hair that frames her face. “If I wasn’t so socially awkward I probably wouldn’t have embarrassed myself this badly.”

Nozomi’s laughs have died down and she wears that warm smile again.

“Well, if you ever want more social practice, you know you can always come find me. I wouldn’t mind spending a day with you helping you with social cues and how to not stare too much at girls you’re crushing on. Maybe some time after christmas when we’re both free? We could even try to rope Nicocchi into it.”

Eli laughs this time, her blush dwindling down a bit. Her embarrassment is gone seeing Nozomi is completely comfortable with this and is in fact flirting with her. She wonders what that may mean for them. Maybe she would get two girlfriends tonight too? It’s hard to tell- Nozomi definitely seems to want to have something more with her, and whether its a friendship or a relationship, Eli really doesn’t mind.

“I think I’d like that a lot.”

Nozomi’s smile only grows as she closes her eyes and laughs. She looks relieved- kinda like she was putting herself out there asking that question. Eli’s heart beats harder, playing with the idea that Nozomi may have been nervous asking her that. She opens her eyes and Eli can’t tell if it’s the cold or just embarrassment that brings the rosy pink colour to the other girls cheeks.

“It’s a date then!” She says, leaning up to plant a small kiss on her cheek.

There’s a loud slam on the glass door and Eli doesn’t even get the opportunity to enjoy the kiss as they hear a muffled shout of “I WIN” coming from inside that sounds like Dia? They look over, their faces still close to see they have ten spectators watching them from the inside. Dia’s practically glowing with pride and has earned a few laughs from the others. Nico watches on with a smug look, raising her eyebrow at the two of them (which somehow makes Eli feel a little more embarrassed than being watched by the other girls.It’s a mystery.)

She begins to wonder if that could be the reason why Eli was invited in the first place. If Nozomi and Nico could easily read her, then there’s no doubt that Dia could as well. Was she really invited to celebrate the christmas cheer with everyone here, or did they set it up? Was it all just one big set up to get Eli to actually talk to her crushes? As she wonders about this with a fond smile on her features, something cold and wet lands on Eli’s hand and she looks away from the window and instead upward. Was that..?

“Was that a snowflake?” Nozomi asks aloud, also looking up.

It catches the attention of everyone inside of the building enough to get them to open the door and peer outside. Sure enough, the snowfall begins to grow and grow by the second and soon Eli and Nozomi begin to get covered in a thin layer of snowflakes. There are gasps of delight at the surprise weather change and Mari cheers excitedly, announcing that it might just be a white christmas after all. Dia, having more sense tells Nozomi and Eli to hurry inside before they become soaked.

They do so immediately, Nozomi taking Eli’s hand and bringing her back inside, where they enjoy the rest of the party at the Ohara mansion together with their coworkers, new friends and new found loves.

[unusualtwinkle]

If I write it maybe it’ll be clearer

January 28th, morning: I decide that today is a good day and that I will celebrate my starting a good day by removing my ex-best friend from my Facebook friends because every time I create a new conversation or a new event, she was the first or in the top 3 people Facebook suggested to me and I was sick of it. So I open her page and see that she got engaged. Which hurt because that meant that she really, really was over with our friendship if she didn’t even bother telling me. Which I sort of knew, but still, hurts to get it slapped across your face. Removed her anyway, but the day already wasn’t good anymore.

On the lunch break of January 28th, I learned that one of my friends was in hospital because she had attempted suicide. I was in shock. I contacted my dance teachers because I was in no state to attend that evening. With teary eyes I did my best to complete my work day while texting all of my allegedly “close friends” because I needed not to be alone that evening. None of them showed up, so I had to call my parents and spent two hours crying on the phone with them listening and worrying because they were powerless, living seven to eight hours from me. After what I spent the whole week with this knot in my stomach because I couldn’t reach my depressed friend while she was at the hospital. On Friday February 1st, I finally heard from her, she was out of the hospital, claimed to be okay, but had to remain home. I was a little reassured, yet still scared for her, because you never really know what’s going on in a person’s mind, do you?

I used my going-a-little-better to go audition for East2West on Saturday February 2nd. Audition which I thought went pretty well. I did miss a step at some point, but nothing important. I went to the movies and to my dance classes later that day.

That very little relief was short-lived as that evening, I received a call of my dad casually telling me my mom had been hospitalized and wasn’t well. Understand, now I was the one living seven to eight hours from them, with no brother or sister to take my place by her side or to share the fright with. My dad assured me I needed not to take a leave of absence from work to go see her. That she was going to be fine. The following day, he tells me she was brought to intense care during the night because she had trouble breathing. Yeah: fine alright. But thanks to the doctors, she was back into her room. He was going to see her later that day, so I asked him to give me the news when he came back. I had plans that evening at my dance school for Chinese New Year, but as the day went on, I never had feedback from my dad. So I cancelled my plans and waited a little more, very worried. Then I called just to learn that since he didn’t have anything new to tell me, he had decided to not call or text me. Geez. On Monday, I finally ended up talking to my mom directly. She sounded very weak and explained that on Friday, my dad wanted to take her to the ER but she refused, saying it was nothing. But that, had she repeated the same thing on Saturday, she would have passed away before Sunday. I told my boss about it just in case of it going worse and me having to leave for my hometown.

After that, it was always mostly the same news: they don’t really know what she has, but she is going a little better – although she clearly didn’t sound any better on the phone. So life went on. On Tuesday evening, I got the mail from East2West saying I wasn’t going to step 2 of the auditions. I was not really surprised – it was my 6th failed audition after all – but I was still upset about it.

But not as upset as of Thursday February 7th. For the first time, I left work early on just because I was sick… of it. Not that I had somehow developed an aversion for close captioning, but we had the worse news at a department meeting. It’s been two weeks and that’s still all that’s on everyone’s lips at work. Because they need the place for some more important department and because they apparently have “no other option”, they are moving us to Longueil, near Boucherville. Everyone is pretty mad about it, most people are living in Montreal and a lot of us depend on public transit which will cost us twice as much if we need to go to the south shore, and will take us more than twice the time to get there. Some are talking of carpooling, but my work schedule is different from everybody else’s. To work at the same time I already do, I will have to take two buses and two metro lines and it will take about an hour and a quarter, whereas I moved to my current apartment because I could go to work by walking 25 minutes or taking one bus for about 9 minutes. They are talking of making us work from home, but they can’t tell when that’s going to happen and how long we are going to have to work at Longueil before being greenlighted for home. Work from home does take the traveling around out of the equation and would allow us to work pretty much at our own terms schedule wise – as long as we meet the deadlines and do all of our hours per week. Which is pretty dope. But even if it was to happen soon enough for us to avoid Longueil, it does include a lot of problems too. Loneliness being the biggest issue, but also ergonomics and work space. So I’m left pondering whether or not to quit. Both options bring their questions too. If I stay, do I quit my dance classes or do I quit sleeping or eating? Because it’s either start working earlier to go to class but then class still ends at the same time so I still arrive late home and I have to shower – be it in the evening or morning, it will take an hour off my sleep schedule – and the next morning get up earlier to be at work earlier and then not sleep enough – or work later or about the same time, but being unable to attend classes because they are still at the same schedule, they don’t rely on mine. If I quit, what’s next? I didn’t know what my job/career/work would be before joining this company and still have no idea what I would do if I didn’t have it. And what of my vacation plans if I don’t have a job to pay for it, right? My flight for Greece is not refundable. Whether I choose to stay or quit, do I renew my lease for my apartment or do I move? Because the only thing that was close enough was work, but otherwise classes are far, metro stations are a bus ride away, hanging out always include having to plan how early I have to leave to get there on time according to the bus schedule. Do I stay in Montreal or do I move back to my parents to get some writing done and some me-time? Because yes, being license and car-less, I would go back to my hometown before moving to Longueil. Or do I try to live abroad for a while? When I get sick of everything, the only thing stopping me from going abroad is my work. But if my job isn’t there to put breaks on it anymore, why not?

You know what’s worse? I can’t even talk to my mom about it because she is sick and she is even more anxious than I can be so that would pretty much kill her.

And now, since February 4th, I would say, my left foot and ankle have been hurting. I took advantage of the dance studio being closed on February 4th, then didn’t go for my classes Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday, to try and get it better. But I couldn’t take it anymore on February 9th, so I started back my classes. Even spent that evening helping at my studio’s auditions. Which led me to go take an appointment at the health clinic by my workplace on February 15th because it still hurt. They obviously didn’t have any availabilities on the same day, so I came back on Sunday February 17th, got my foot and ankle X-rayed and… We don’t know what is wrong with it, but I have to rest from dance, put the least effort on it as well as ice daily, and take anti-inflammatories. I was at work on a Sunday, so I asked around for helped getting back home – my bus is a weekday only bus – and for some help cooking that evening if I wanted to be able to feed myself that week. My coworkers were all out of town or busy with other people, but they still took the time to reply. Contrarily to my “friends” who didn’t care enough to do anything more than put a sad smiley on my post saying that I was hurt. So I had to actually walk home which is exactly the contrary of what I was told to do. Once home though, I didn’t cook, I told myself SOMEONE HAS to take pity on me the following day. Knowing I don’t have my parents here, don’t have a roommate nor a boyfriend, my friends SHOULD ask me if I needed help. So I repeated the “help needed because of injury” message on Monday. I never had any reply. Ah, not true. The ex-boyfriend of my ex-best friend, in Rouyn, said he was too far. That’s the offer of help I got. Now, I can totally understand that people are busy. Can totally understand that not everyone sees my messages on Facebook. Can totally understand that if you live in another country or far from where I live (read: out of Montreal. Do not read: 30 minutes by metro and bus.) you’re as helpless about it as I am about my mom being at the hospital. But you’re allegedly my friend, you live in Montreal, you saw my messages, you are fully aware of my situation, and not only did you not come to help, but you never once stopped to ask me how I’m doing or IF I needed help? Are you fucking sure you’re my friend? I’m injured goddammit. I went to a doctor who prescribed me medicine because I’m injured and she told me to put the least stress on my injury and still I get to do the groceries by myself, the cooking by myself, all those tasks that requires to be up on my injured foot by myself. And so I cried on the phone with my parents again. Although the last thing I want is to make my mom stress about me, I couldn’t control it. They thought I was scared about my foot, thought I was pissed that I couldn’t dance (truer than the first thing) but I was crying upon the realization that indeed, my friends don’t give a shit.

We’re February 27th now and still, the only people that I talked too were my coworkers at work, and the employees at different places I had to walk myself to like grocery stores.

[hushedhands]

Challenge 65

@lamemathpuns

*Maxerica POV of Addy’s scandal.

America and Silvia were in the middle of a relaxing early morning. The Palace’s schedule was beginning to slow down as summer approached, and the Queen’s schedule reflected the diminishing intensity. They sipped coffee and let their conversation meander more than they usually would have done, and America was just beginning to allow herself to fantasize about leaving the office early to spend a surprise afternoon with her children when Maxon came bursting through the doors that adjoined their offices, Gavril at his heels.

America hated when Maxon burst into her office. She never burst into his. It was un-royal and unseemly in a way that would show America, a former commoner and a woman, in far less favorable light than it showed Maxon, a born royal and a man, who instead merely seemed commanding and full of important urgency. She matched the outrage in his eyes with a withering scowl of her own all the way until he slammed a magazine down on her desk.

She didn’t glance at it, not even blinking, deeply offended. Whatever had happened, she didn’t do it. It had been decades since she’d made her last major public relations snafu, but his attitude right now was making her feel like a disposable, inconvenient member of his Selection again. She’d given him five children, at no small discomfort to herself, and she expected more respect than this.

“Where the hell is that?” Maxon seethed.

America had no idea what he was talking about, but she was having none of it. She narrowed her eyes at him and glared.

When she didn’t reply, Maxon made an exasperated noise in her direction and pointed emphatically at the magazine. Seeing that they were at an impasse, and anxious to begin scolding him, America reluctantly glanced down and what she saw froze everything inside of her.

Her daughter, her child, exposed on the front page of a gossip rag, an image clearly stolen without her permission or knowledge. Addy was in a swimming pool somewhere, lips locked with the boy she’d coyly invited to the Palace Easter celebration the previous month. Now America understood her husband’s anger. It wasn’t directed at her, it wasn’t about her at all, this was about whomever had violated their baby bird’s privacy by taking those photographs, and whatever magazine editor had decided to pay a fortune to publish them.

America met Maxon’s eyes again, this time full of anguish, “Does she know?”

“I’ve no idea,” Maxon exhaled in a long sigh.

Gavril spoke up in a tight, stilted tone, “So you don’t know where this picture could have been taken? No friend of the family’s home or at some Palace-sanctioned event?”

“You think Addy runs around in her… her…undergarments at Palace-sanctioned events?” Maxon demanded, outraged.

Gavril countered with equal ferocity, “Of course not, but I can’t imagine where in the world else she would be!”

That’s when America realized how shaken Gavril was. He’d never raised his voice to Maxon, not ever. He’d been one of Maxon’s closest allies in the battle for survival under Clarkson’s regime, and had always been gentle and respectful and calm under even the most intense pressure. Now that she looked at him properly, America saw the signs of stress all over Gavril’s body. His face was blotchy, his jaw squeezed tight, his hands in strained fists at his sides.

America glanced at Silvia, whose mouth was covered in horror by both of her hands as she took in the magazine’s cover. Their eyes met as they considered how best to handle their husbands and the situation at hand.

“I’ve got to get to Addy.” America said simply. “Have you spoken with Aspen yet?”

“No, I just found out.” Maxon’s anger melted a little, just enough to show how hurt he was.

“This is nowhere on campus, is it?” America asked about the swimming pool, not trusting her own memory. Surely she was mistaken. Surely she’d forgotten. Surely her Addy would never run away from campus.  

“There’s a pool at the school, but I don’t remember…” Maxon wasn’t positive either.

“I’ll go to her, I’ll find out.” America reassured herself as much as him.

“Either way, there are no nighttime swims on Weaver’s reports.” Maxon said with a grim definitiveness. “She hasn’t been on that entire section of the campus this semester.”

“You think…” America paused, taken aback, “You think she went without a guard?”

The press of his lips was all she needed to know. “I need to secure her, I need to have Aspen put her in lockdown immediately, this is going to be a public relations feeding frenzy, it’s not safe.” Maxon ranted. “I need to go, I need to bring as many soldiers as I can with me—“

“Hold on.” America urged him. “Most of Illéa is still asleep. And most of Illéa won’t see this particular magazine first thing when they wake up. We have a little bit of time.”

“I can’t believe they didn’t even give us the curtesy of a warning!” Gavril roared from a dead silence as if something in his mind had snapped. Silvia placed a hand on his elbow, the tiniest gesture, most of her body remained stiff in her seat but that little touch spoke volumes. It was an emergency action, that little bit of physical affection in the workplace, but it worked like an immediate anchor.

“Let Addy go to her lessons with her guards, we need to treat this like a normal day for as long as we can.” America urged her husband, “If the Palace treats it like an emergency, so will the people.”

“It’s not safe.” Maxon insisted. “The students could mob her with questions, the campus could flood with overzealous reporters! I want Aspen there right away, I want—“

“The entrances to campus are guarded against reporters, those will hold without reinforcements for a few hours.” America insisted. “Let me try to get to her, Maxon. She’s going to be devastated.”

Maxon gulped, looking down at America’s desk but unable to look at the magazine cover any longer. “I can’t believe she did this, Ames.”

“Kissed a boy?”

“Left her guards.” he insisted, anger flaring to defend himself from the accusation. But America could tell, it was both. It was one thing knowing that Addy was romantically interested in somebody, it was another thing to be forced to look at this. She didn’t blame him, but his discomfort couldn’t be her top priority yet.

America stood, “I’m going now. Silvia, can you get a car ready?”

“Absolutely.” Silvia stood, relieved to have concrete marching orders.

America slipped her arms around Maxon.

“Rosie.” Maxon mumbled.

“What?”

“She’s out of lessons early today. She was going to join you for the afternoon. I’ve got budget meetings, I can take her but she’ll hate it—“

America frowned. Kenna wasn’t at the Palace that day, and it wasn’t Miss Alvaraz’s job to babysit the children beyond their lessons. She briefly considered asking May, but immediately dismissed the idea. May needed her rest.

“I’ll take her.” America decided. “She’s been dying to visit Addy at school, I promised her a trip up there, and well… depending on how we get this sorted out, this might be her last chance. Not to mention, between both of our retinues of guards, Weaver will have all the backup he needs.”

Maxon’s brow knitted just a little, just enough to show his grim acceptance of her solution. His last choice would be to send his baby Rosebud into a media frenzy, but America could handle it. And maybe Addy would appreciate the distraction.

“At least take Ryland. Let him drive.” he said miserably.

“Fine. You talk to Aspen, make a plan.” America kissed Maxon’s cheek, “But try to give me enough time to get there before anything happens. We’ll sit tight until the coast is clear, and we’ll be back as soon as we can.”

Maxon nodded, and America left the room.

Upstairs in the family room, Jamesy and Maisy were dozing on couches while Lief and Rosie munched on their breakfast and watched a cartoon. Jamesy was technically supposed to be babysitting them until they left for their lessons, and America couldn’t fight a little smirk at having caught him sleeping on the job.

“Mommy?” Lief said into his cereal bowl, eyes wide in her direction.

“How are you doing?”

“Sleepy.” He reported, tugging at the hem of his shirt.

“What about you, Buddy?” America asked Rosie.

“I want to play outside right now.” Rosie admitted.

“Well, I have another idea. See, I’m going up to visit Addy for a girls’ day. I was wondering if you wanted to come. I know I promised you a long time ago that you’d get to visit her at school.”

“Me?” Rosie was delighted.

“Yeah, what do you think?”

“Oh yeah, I want to see Addy a lot!” Rosie couldn’t believe it. It was like she was being told that they had rescheduled Christmas for that afternoon.

“Now Lief, you’re welcome to join us—”

“I”m not a girl!” Lief defended himself vehemently.

America couldn’t really say why it was so important to him that he be in the right gender category, especially given that there was no chance his family might not know that he wasn't a girl. She did her best to acknowledge him anyway. “Of course you aren’t. Even so, I know you miss your sister. She’s going to come home to visit very soon… probably tomorrow,” America reasoned, guessing based on how long it might take Aspen and Maxon to clear the roads and banish the paparazzi. “Are you okay if you don’t go see her today, Lief?”

Lief bit his lip. “I’m not a girl.” he repeated. “I can still see her tomorrow, though?”

“As soon as we get home.” America hedged, fairly certain it would be tomorrow.

“Um, me and Jamesy are playing soccer later, he’s teaching me a trick. I want to stay.” Lief decided confidently.

“Alright then. Bud, let’s go pack a bag and we’ll get out of here.” America held a hand out for her youngest daughter.

“Bye.” Rosie hugged Lief tightly around the neck and then placidly took her mother’s hand and followed along, bubbly and excited for the day ahead.

[marigoldbaker]

regarding honor and honesty in the workplace (20/?)

read on ao3!!

this fic is so exhausting i wanna do it perfectly and not miss any detail BUT WE HAVE A CHAPTER NOW. THANK HEAVENS. anyway:

this chapter: no more chapter summaries. too much stuff has started going down for me to make non-spoilery statements. everything’s a spoiler enjoy

from the personal files of Jenny Calendar:

It’s ridiculous. Obviously.

Why would anyone think

The real question is

I’m dating Lilah, so even if I was (which I’m not)

Cordelia Chase doesn’t know what she’s talking about.

Rupert was still in the elevator when Jenny stepped inside, holding an overstuffed folder to her chest, a Post-It with Cordelia’s email stuck neatly to its cover. He looked up and gave her a small, nervous smile. “I’m sorry,” he said awkwardly. “I think I sort of panicked.”

After Cordelia’s question, Jenny didn’t feel like pressing him for specifics, and didn’t want to think about why. “Yeah, it’s okay,” she said. “I got a whole bunch of evidence and some contact info for if we want to get in touch with them again. Should we tell Buffy that her ex is back in town?”

“No,” said Rupert very sharply as the elevator doors closed. Off Jenny’s look, he amended, “I-I don’t want to hurt her, Jenny. She came to terms with Angel’s leaving, she’s happy with Willow—it’s clear she doesn’t have those same feelings for him anymore. Bringing him up would only end up hurting them both, and I think we’ve seen enough hurt in that arena to last a lifetime.”

“But don’t you think she has a right to know that—”

“Jenny,” said Rupert quietly, “there are some things that people are better off not knowing.”

There was a strange, charged silence between them, then, and the way Rupert was looking at her made a part of Jenny want to never look away. Frightened by the intensity of the moment, she drew in a breath, letting her gaze drop to the folder. She was certain that she was blushing. “You’re right,” she said finally, not daring to look at him. “On some accounts. But I still think—”

“He’s not here for her,” said Rupert, “and we don’t even know if he’s staying. Telling her might cause her needless pain.”

The thought of being with Rupert in a romantic sense wasn’t something that had occurred to Jenny before. Strange, since they’d spent three years being mistaken as a couple—but it had just never crossed her mind in the way it had right then, and—she blamed Cordelia. People had mistaken them for a couple before, but no one had ever assumed they were in love.

It was significant, probably, that she wasn’t able to label Cordelia’s judgment as a mistake, but Jenny honestly couldn’t think about Rupert and her without feeling like she was going to panic. “Did you press the button?” she asked.

“No,” said Rupert.

“Can you?”

Rupert jabbed at the button for the lobby and the elevator began to move. He glanced furtively over at Jenny, then said, “You’re with Lilah, anyway.”

Jenny felt a nervous rush. “Yeah,” she said, and that was the end of it.

“We’re not going over to Giles’s for dinner tonight?” Faith sounded genuinely bewildered. “Have we ever not gone over to Giles’s for dinner?”

“Sometimes he comes over to ours for dinner,” Jenny pointed out, only belatedly realizing that this proved Faith’s point. “And—I’m dating Lilah now. I need to start focusing in on stabilizing our family unit instead of—”

“Mom,” said Faith quietly. “Giles is family. Why would you act like he’s not?”

Jenny suddenly remembered the night of her first date with Lilah, and the way she’d felt coming back to find out that Rupert had been concussed, and the effortless closeness between them—how easy it had been to say he was family then. All of a sudden, that memory felt like too much of an admission. “You and Tara can go over for dinner,” she said. “I might stay home.”

Faith was looking at Jenny with a small, worried frown. Then she said, “If you’re sure,” and headed back into her bedroom to tell Tara the news.

Jenny watched her daughter go, then slumped into the couch, staring into space. She stayed like that for a moment before dialing Lilah’s number.

Lilah picked up after five rings. “Sorry about that, I was in a meeting,” she said cheerfully. “What’s up?”

There was something comforting about hearing the casual, easy cadence of Lilah’s voice. Jenny smiled. “Nothing much,” she said, “just that we got a whole boatload of evidence from Wesley and Cordelia. Like, a whole folder’s worth, and that’s just a few of the copies they were willing to let me bring back to you so you could see them. So it’s looking like that case of yours might be coming to a close pretty damn soon.”

There was a strange silence at the end of the line. Then, in an almost pained tone of voice, Lilah said, “Jenny, can you come over tonight?”

“What?”

“Just—can you come over? I need to see you.”

“Is everything okay?”

Another silence. Then, “Not really. I just—” Lilah paused in an oddly deliberative sort of way before saying, “I worry about you.”

“I’m a big girl, Lilah,” said Jenny, frowning. “I can take care of myself.”

“Well—I worry about you, that’s all,” said Lilah again, awkwardly. “Call it a habit. Wolfram and Hart doesn’t take kindly to people snooping around, and the closer you get—”

“I’m gonna be okay,” said Jenny gently.

“I know that,” said Lilah stiffly, but there was a strange resignation to her voice. “I just—I want to see you tonight. Okay?”

“Then you can come over here,” said Jenny. “How’s that? It’s a lot comfier than your bachelorette pad. We can make dinner, have some wine, cuddle on the couch and watch bad movies…” She trailed off, waiting, then said, “Lilah, are you sure something’s not wrong?”

“Are Rupert and the kids going to be there?”

“They’re all having dinner at his place,” Jenny answered. “If time with just me is what you want, it’s what you’re gonna get.” Guiltily, she felt a sense of relief that Lilah needed her attention; it provided an incredibly useful distraction from whatever the hell seemed to be going on between herself and Rupert. “Seriously, just—just come over here. It’ll be just us. I think we both need a break from all this case work for a little while.”

Lilah was quiet for a second. Then, wryly, she said, “God, I knew it was a mistake to get involved.”

“I’m sorry?” Jenny felt her stomach drop.

“Not—not that I regret—it’s just that, that I’m not used to—” Lilah blew out a breath, then said, “Worrying,” as though she was pronouncing Jenny’s death sentence. After another moment, she said, “I’m coming over.”

“Good,” said Jenny. “Great. And don’t scare me like that, okay?” She added a laughing note to her last sentence, trying to lighten the mood.

“I’m coming over,” said Lilah again, and hung up. Frowning, Jenny did the same.

“Everything good, Mom?” Faith asked as she exited her bedroom, overnight bag slung over her shoulder and Tara at her heels. “You sounded kinda stressed.”

Jenny’s eyes went to the bag. “You’re staying at Rupert’s?”

Faith smiled a little awkwardly. “Whatever you and Giles are going through,” she said, “me ‘n Tara figured you might need some space.”

“We’re not going through anything,” said Jenny a little too sharply. “And you’re definitely not just staying over at Rupert’s without asking permission.”

Faith’s smile faded and she looked genuinely surprised. “Seriously, Mom, what’s up?” she said. “You’ve never been like this before. I used to go and sleep over at Buffy’s all the time last year and you never once pitched a fit.”

“I’m not pitching—” At Faith’s doubtful look, Jenny sighed. “Fine,” she said. “You’re right. I-I think I probably do need a little space tonight.”

Faith nodded, and her smile returned, but there was a clear sadness in her eyes. “Yeah,” she said, “say hi to Lilah for me,” and she was out the door with Tara before Jenny could process that her daughter had overheard her making plans with Lilah and had decided to clear out.

“Oh, shit,” she said, groaning, and fell sideways onto the couch.

from the personal files of Jenny Calendar (DRAFT, DELETED):

why does it feel like everything’s falling apart?

Things didn’t really feel all that much better when Lilah showed up. This might have had to do with the fact that Lilah was carrying a half-empty bottle of champagne and had an odd, slippery smile that looked very suspiciously like she was inebriated. “Lilah,” said Jenny thinly, “what’s going on?”

“God only fucking knows,” said Lilah, placing the champagne bottle down on the end table by the front door and giving Jenny an ungraceful kiss. “You know, I, I had this whole damn thing down to a science before you? And then you show up with those big eyes and a whole damn family and you tell me I’m a good person like you know what I’ve done.”

“We’ve been through this before,” said Jenny, who had had too long a day to have the one consistent thing in her life flake out on her. But—Lilah was never really there, was she? Lilah always seemed perpetually hidden behind half-truths and sweet kisses. All things considered, Jenny really shouldn’t have been surprised. “A bad person wouldn’t hire a private eye to take down a firm like Wolfram and Hart.”

“Oh, you don’t know me,” said Lilah darkly. “And the thing—” She hiccupped almost morosely, staggering over to the couch and sitting down. “The thing is, Jenny, I’m going to be fucking destroyed after this case ends. I’m just—I’m going to be nothing. A shell of what I was. They tell you don’t let yourself care, and I thought—I thought I was above that. Thought I could play you.”

Jenny pressed her lips together, exasperated. “You’re talking drunk talk,” she said, “lie down,” and pushed on Lilah’s shoulder until Lilah was indeed lying on the couch.

“Jenny,” said Lilah, a strange, wavering note in her voice. “Jenny, c’mere, let me see you.”

Jenny sighed and knelt down next to Lilah, resting a hand on Lilah’s shoulder. Lilah looked up at her with a kind of devastated misery, like she was looking at a car wreck waiting to happen, and—and it more than stung, after a day like today. Jenny already had her own reasons to doubt the strength of her connection with Lilah—she didn’t need that same doubt from Lilah herself. “We’re gonna last,” she said, more for herself than for Lilah. “I’m not in the habit of ruining relationships.”

“No,” said Lilah, still looking at her, “but I am,” and closed her eyes as though that was the end of it.

Jenny looked at Lilah on the couch, then swallowed hard and pulled herself back up. She picked up her phone, her keys, and her laptop bag, exited the apartment, shut the door behind her, and dialed Rupert’s number.

Rupert picked up on the fourth ring. “Jenny?” he said, soft and uncertain. “Faith said something about you having a date with Lilah—is that why you won’t be at dinner tonight?”

Jenny smiled a little, comforted by the familiarity of his tone, and didn’t say anything.

“Jenny, are—are you there?”

“Yeah,” said Jenny. “Just—wanted to hear your voice.”

There was a strange silence, then Rupert said, “I can’t do this. I really can’t.”

“What do you mean?”

“Whatever’s been going on with Lilah, it’s—you’ve been erratic, inconsistent, and overall quite impossible to work with. Just when I think we’ve reached some sort of understanding—”

“Rupert—”

“—you skip out on some event or some gathering in favor of being with her. And then you turn to me as though—” Rupert’s voice caught, almost as though he were near tears. “—as though I’m someone to fall back on, and I can’t—”

“Rupert, just—”

“—can’t work with someone who doesn’t respect the, the work we do at all times. You must understand—”

Jenny felt her ashamed guilt dissipate. “You have got to be fucking kidding me,” she said fiercely. “You’re trying to tell me that I don’t respect the work we do? I’m the one who hired you!”

“That’s not why—Jenny, I can’t work with a person who doesn’t value my contributions or my time,” said Rupert. He still sounded shaky, but he also sounded frighteningly sure of himself. “I don’t know if we can be partners anymore.”

“What?” Jenny felt like the floor had just opened up under her.

“Believe me when I say it’s the best for both of us,” said Rupert quietly. “Certain—realizations—I came to today, regarding—the depth of my feelings for this job, for the work we do—it’s unhealthy and all-consuming, and I’m putting in more than I’m receiving. Please respect my decision.”

“Are you going to tell the kids?”

“I am and I have.”

“You told them without me there?”

“You were the one who chose not to be there.”

“What the fuck kind of move is that?” Jenny was all but shouting. “You told my daughter you were quitting without me there? She’s—that’s not your news to tell!”

“You’ve said before that we were family—”

“Faith’s my family,” said Jenny furiously, aiming to hurt Rupert as much as he’d just hurt her. “You’re my associate. Not even that, now, according to you,” and then she realized what she’d just said, and who she’d just said it to. Horrified, she began, “Rupert—”

Rupert hung up.

Jenny listened to the dial tone until her eyes had adjusted to the darkness of the apartment hallway. Nodding to herself, she pocketed her phone, scrubbed roughly at her eyes, and headed out into the night.

[heyyyharry]

Friends (Part 4)

Why am I doing this to myself writing this shit at one in the morning? Miles is such a good guy I don’t want to get rid of him just yet so there will be part 5. I was listening to Sorry by Halsey while writing this. Ignore any grammar mistake because I’m really sleepy lol.

Don’t forget to give me your feedbacks and suggestions! I really love reading them.

Pairing: Harry Styles and reader

Warning: language.

~Harry and you are friends with benefits and then you start to feel more than you should~

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

“Y/N, Who the fuck is he?”

You opened your mouth to answer Harry but Miles immediately threw another question at you.

“Is he your boyfriend?”

“No!” you raised your voice and the men seemed a bit taken aback. Then you sighed and pinched the bridge of your nose in frustration knowing that you were fucked.

“Miles, this is Harry. He's my...friend.”

“Friend.” Harry laughed at the word and you glared at him.

“Wait, are you Harry Styles?” Miles widened his eyes.

“Yeah and what kind of name is Miles?”

“Harry!” You gasped and gave Miles a sorry look. Miles was more shocked than offended. He didn't know what was happening.

“Y/N, tell him to leave!” Harry said as he pouted like a child. His hands were resting on your hips, you didn't even bother to move them away. 

“Harry, please go home. We'll talk when you're sober,” you said quietly to him but Harry wouldn’t listen.

“I am sober and I want to talk now!” he said under his breath. Harry couldn’t even recognize his own voice. He sounded so desperate. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” you whispered as he walked past you to the couch where you and Miles had just made out earlier. That’s it, you thought and marched toward Harry, grabbed his shirt before he could put his ass down.

“You don’t go anywhere!” you told Miles, almost like an order. The poor guy had no idea what was going on but he was also aware that Harry wasn’t in his right mind. So Miles stayed where he was and let you deal with your ‘friend’.

“You. Kitchen. Now!” you said to Harry then pulled him with you to the kitchen. You heard him groan in frustration but he followed you anyway.

“The fuck was that?!” you asked him once you two were alone. You were facing Harry with both hands on your hips.

“You're seeing tha’ guy?” Harry said, laughing. “Was it Lia’s idea?”

You had no idea how he knew that and he didn’t need to wait to be asked.

“I know yeh better than anyone. Yeh would not agree to go on a stupid date with a stranger unless Lia told you to.”

“You and I barely knew each other when we started fucking,” you said, keeping your voice down so Miles couldn’t hear it from the living room.

“You and I were different. You told me yourself tha’ you felt like you’d known me for years when we first met. Don’t fuckin’ pretend like yeh don’t remember.”

“So?” You exhaled harshly.

"You're doin’ this to make me jealous. And yeh know what? Yeh win. It's workin’.”

Your jaw fell open as you heard him.

“Wow, you are such a self-centered dick,” you said between sarcastic laughter then tried to mimic his voice, “hey, m'Harry Styles and everythin’ revolves around me because m'a superstar.”

“First of all, I don't sound like tha’. Second of all, yeh and I both know he's not right f’yeh.”

“It’s you, Harry, who’s not right for me” And the next thing you said just came out of nowhere. “Why didn’t you just stay gone so I could finally be free?”

You didn’t realize what you said was the worst thing you could have said to Harry. You were too angry at him to notice the look in his eyes, the anger, the jealousy, the sadness. He was drunk, but he wasn’t that drunk. Harry came to see you for a reason, because he believed he could be better for you. For once he thought he was doing the right things. But what he did not expect was Miles’ presence which had torn down every scenario he had planned out in his head. 

Harry was a song-writer, he wasn’t bad with words. But standing in front of you that night he was tongue-tied. As he struggled to find the right words to make you understand, you were already tired of waiting.

“Harry, I just want to enjoy my night with the guy I like...I'm sorry but this isn't about you anymore.”

Harry felt a lump in his throat. He wanted to say he cared about you, but he chose to hold it back. It was not because he was doubting his feelings for you. At that point he was more than sure that they were real and they’d always been there. But he thought it wouldn’t make a difference anyway. Maybe he was too late. Maybe he shouldn’t have been there in the first place.

“M'sorry I made you feel tha’ way,” was all he could say.

Miles stood up from the couch as he saw you and Harry walking out from the kitchen and straight to the front door. You opened the door and stepped aside, eyes turned to your feet to avoid looking at Harry. Harry did the same thing, but because he didn’t want you to see him cry.

“Goodbye, Harry,” you said to him but he didn’t say anything to you. You didn’t want him to, but deep down you wished he would speak. 

“Y/N?” you heard Miles call your name when you closed the door once Harry had left. You were almost frozen at one spot with tears in your eyes and Miles immediately walked to where you were standing.

“Are you okay?” You heard him but you didn’t want to look at him.

“I’m sorry I ruined our night...” you said quietly and fele his hands on your shoulders.

“Be honest with me, Y/N. Who is he to you? An ex?”

“Something like that,” you mumbled in embarrassment. You thought if Miles had known about you and Harry he would never have agreed to go out with you in the first place. 

Miles didn’t ask further. He just nodded, but you knew he didn’t believe you.

“I should probably go.”

“No. Don’t.” You quickly held onto his arm as he turned away. 

“I really like you, Y/N.” Miles gave you a frown. “But it seems like you still need to sort things out with him. This is too much for me.”

“Can we please talk about this? It’s not like that,” you desperately said but Miles didn’t listen. He went to get his coat and his car key on the coffee table then returned to where you were. 

“I hope things will work out for you. Good night, Y/N,” Miles said to you. Then he followed Harry’s step out of your front door. 

...

When you woke up the next day it was already 10 in the morning. You called in sick because you were late for work anyway. There was no missed call or a single message from Harry. Maybe he had finally listened to you and left you alone. You knew you should have felt free and relieved, instead you felt empty and disappointed. But after all, feelings are fleeting. You couldn’t let yourself feel miserable forever. It was time you took charge of your happiness. So you decided to get out of bed and get yourself ready because you had somewhere you needed to go to.

“Y/N?” Miles was surprised when you showed up at his workplace unannounced. You remembered Lia telling you about how Miles always brought his own lunch so when everyone else went out to eat he would stay in the office.

“If you’re looking for Lia. She’s gone out for lunch,” he said to you and turned his attention back to the files on his desk. He was probably still mad about what had happened at your house and you couldn't blame him. 

“I’m not here to see Lia. I’m here for you,” you told him. Miles stopped his busy hands and finally looked up to face you.

“Can we talk?”

...

“Styles, you’re here!”

Harry didn’t even get through the front door when the man approached him and pulled him into a hug. Harry let out a nervous laugh and patted his friend on the back.

“I haven’t heard from you for so long mate.”

“I’ve been busy,” Harry said and he was being honest. He had been spending more time in the studio than anywhere else.

“The last time I saw you were exactly a year ago! It’s like you only appear on my birthday!” the man said and bursted into laughter. Harry faked a laugh and like an instinct, his eyes travelled to the corner of the room and he could swear for a second he saw you standing there smiling at him before you disappeared. Then he remembered a year had gone by since the first night he met you.

“Got new music coming up?”

“Hopefully.”

“Since you’ve been so busy I guess you’re not seeing anyone?”

Harry shook his head no and didn’t say anything more. The man told Harry he had to go talk to his other guests and showed Harry where the food was before he disappeared in a group of people. Harry didn’t plan to stay for long though. Honestly, he was just there with the hope that he could see you again. He probably wouldn’t dare to start a conversation with you but he wanted to see for himself how you’d been.

“Isn’t this Harry Styles?”

Harry could easily recognize that voice.

“Hello to yeh too, Lia,” he said, turning around.

“Y/N’s not here,” Lia said when she noticed he was looking behind her to search for you. “It’s also her boyfriend’s birthday today.”

“Right,” he said with his head hung low. 

“You do know she’s dating Miles, right?”

“Yeah, I heard. How is she?”

“She’s happy.”

“That’s good to hear.”

It wasn’t. Harry was already dead when he heard that. Of course he wanted you to be happy because you deserved all the good things in the world. But he still couldn’t get over the fact that you’d moved on when he was still hung up on you. Sadly, it took him too long to admit to himself that maybe he had been in love with you that whole time and he had fucked up all of his chances.

“How are you, Harry?”

Harry was quite surprised when Lia asked him that. She saw the look on his face and laughed. “Yes, I can be nice.”

Harry pressed his lips into a small smile. “M'good. Thanks for askin’.”

“I’ll tell Y/N you say hi.”

“No, actually, don’t. Don’t tell her anythin’ about me.”

“Why?”

“I think that’s for the best.”

Lia nodded understandingly and watched Harry make his way back to the exit. Your best friend was never fond of Harry Styles. She had told you constantly that he was bad news and you deserved better than him. But after that short conversation even Lia could see it, how much he really loved you.

Part 5

Ugh. This part is so longggg. My apologies. What do you think? Let me know now! I think part 5 will be the last part. Thanks for supporting me! If you have ideas for what I should write next then feel free to spam my inbox! Love ya’ll! xx

[imagining-supernatural]

As It Seems: Chapter 3

Table of Contents

Según Parece: Lista De Contenidos

Summary: Dean is exhausted, but Sam told you to keep him awake, so you find... an interesting way to make sure he doesn’t pass out

Word Count: 2786

Warnings: Dirty talk kinda?

PREVIOUS CHAPTER

~Dean’s POV~

I thought the explanation would have taken longer than that. But at its most simple, my life wasn’t actually that difficult. When it came to the questions I was sure Y/N would ask, I knew that was when it would start getting complicated.

“So, what? You’re a businessman by day, playboy by night, and on weekends you’re a… what? Vigilante? Superhero?”

“I’m no hero.” Best to get that thought out of her mind right off the bat. “I guess I’m sort of an undercover agent or something.”

“So, FBI? CIA?”

How to best answer that? Well, it wasn’t like Y/N could run away so the truth was probably best. Freak her out now and give her time to get used to the idea before she could run away and put herself in danger unknowingly.

“Not exactly… They don’t know me or my team exist. We don’t always do things legally and we’re definitely not government-sanctioned.”

Being pressed up so close to her, I could feel how she was reacting by the pace of her heartbeat. I wished I could see her face. After being her boss for so long, I liked to think that I knew her pretty well. The best way to describe her was professionally reserved. She could hide her emotions well in the workplace. But after a while, I learned to read her microexpressions.

Not because I often found myself staring at her or anything.

Definitely not.

Our relationship was strictly professional.

Completely.

Still though, I felt her heartbeat speed up as she processed everything I kept dumping on her. She was taking everything well, all things considered.

“And Crowley?”

“Meeting with him was a mistake,” I grumbled. The reminder of what had happened with him made my bullet wound ache even more. “I thought he would be a possible ally. You know, the enemy of my enemy. But after I told him what we were after, I guess he decided that he wanted the tech for himself.”

Y/N scoffed. “I could’ve told you how that would have gone. He didn’t seem like the most trustworthy of people.”

I’d been struggling with the thought of letting Y/N into my team for the last few months. She had a way with people and reading everyone’s intentions. But every time I tried convincing myself to come clean, I just couldn’t do it. She deserved a normal life.

Yet here she was, in a coffin-sized smuggle hole in Garth’s RV with her boss who was about to pass out.

“Yeah, well anyway he showed up and in the crossfire between everything, that’s how I got shot.”

“Right. How’s that feeling?”

“I think I’m going to sleep.”

“No, you’re not.” She insisted authoritatively. “Sam said you have to stay awake.”

Younger brothers were a pain. Sleeping was what was best for me right now. What did he know? “Well, as your boss I’m telling you to let me go to sleep.”

“And as the person you just kidnapped, I’m going to respectfully ignore that. Sam helped me save your life, so I’m going to listen to him right now.”

“I don’t think there’s going to be much you can do otherwise, sweetheart.” My eyes were already closed in the darkness and I was surprisingly comfortable, considering the bullet wound and how close Y/N was. Though maybe the latter had something to do with it.

“Like hell there’s not,” she mumbled. Rarely have I ever heard Y/N cuss. At work she was always so put together and professional. But tonight she was yelling and cussing and talking back and it was definitely a side of her that I wouldn’t mind seeing more often. “What’s it gonna take to keep you awake? Embarrassing confessions? Dirty confessions?”

And suddenly I was wide awake.

She chuckled darkly. Just as I could feel her body’s reactions, she could obviously feel mine. “Dirty confessions it is.”

“I don’t think this is an acceptable conversation between a boss and his assistant.” This definitely was a conversation I would love to have with her when we were alone in a room and I could actually do something about it.

“Considering I’m mentally writing my resignation letter, I think we’re good.”

That was a joke. I was almost positive.

Still though, not being able to move at all when Y/N was telling me about her sex life was about to be torture. I was definitely going to have to stop this before—

“In college, my boyfriend and I went to a nude beach in Italy—“ and now I was picturing Y/N naked. It wasn’t a new thing, but this time I could feel her curves pressed against my body and hear her soft voice in my ear and there was no escape. “—and this other couple invited us back to their condo.”

“How much detail do you plan on going into?” This time the pain in my voice wasn’t because of my wound and I think that she knew that because she somehow managed to press her body even closer to mine.

“As much as it takes.”

“Let me get this straight.” Stall. Maybe if I could move the conversation away from the current track, then we could save it for some time when we were completely alone and not losing blood. “I kidnap you and tell you that there’s a whole other side to my life that I’ve been lying to you about and instead of trying to get away, you decide to tell me about all of the kinky details of your life? How is that punishment?”

I knew the answer, but I was seriously hoping that she wasn’t thinking the same way I was.

Unfortunately, Y/N was definitely thinking the same way I was. She slipped her leg between mine and moved up my body until her head was tucked into the crook of my neck and her hot breaths on my skin didn’t leave any room for negotiation. She knew exactly what she was doing and there was no way I was going to be able to go to sleep now.

“So anyway, we went back to their condo—“

“Do you speak Italian?”

“Yeah. It was on my resume. But there’s not really a use for Italian here like there is for Spanish.”

It’s still hot. Saying that now, though, would not help my cause at all.

“Honestly, the worst part of the whole night was that we had to put our clothes back on to get to their condo. But I don’t know if you’ve ever watched someone else take the clothes off of any of your girlfriends while they watch you the entire time, but my God, it’s the hottest thing.”

Now she was rubbing circles into my bare chest and everything about this situation was building up to a very unsatisfying ending. But I couldn’t find any more words to stop it because, well, I really didn’t want to.

“Actually, I take that back. Seeing the look in my boyfriend’s eyes when he watched the other woman take my clothes off was so fucking hot. I could see how he followed her every movement. I saw how he couldn’t get enough of the way she touched me.”

“Fuck, Y/N.” It just slipped out. I couldn’t help it. The imagine of Y/N with another woman… The imagine of Y/N with anyone, honestly. And the image of Y/N with me?

That was a thought that should be banished from my mind, but I wasn’t thinking rationally at all right now. Garth was a few yards away and I had just been shot and the USB in my pocket should be my first priority, but all I wanted was to get Y/N naked.

Sleep was definitely the last thing on my mind. She was way too good at this. There was limited room in this smuggle hole, but that didn’t mean everything was off the table.

“You want to go to sleep now, Dean?”

“Fuck no.” Maybe I wasn’t thinking right because of the blood loss and pain, or maybe it was because I was so incredibly turned on, but I just couldn’t help myself from tangling my fingers in her hair and pulling her face up to mine for a kiss.

This wasn’t the first time I’d wanted to kiss her—that was practically a daily occurrence—but every other time I’d managed to push away the urge. She was my assistant and we were professional. But after the last few minutes, there was no way I could control the urge.

And by the way she was kissing me back, I knew that whatever I’d been feeling the past year was definitely reciprocated. Her hands were all over my chest, shoulders, hair. Mine found their way under her shirt to dig into her smooth skin. It was pitch black which just made every touch that much more intense.

“Hey guys, you two doing okay back there?” Garth’s voice from a speaker in the bottom of the mattress surprised us apart. “Is Dean still alive—I mean awake?”

“Talk about bad timing,” I mumbled, trying to talk myself down.

“Where did you think this was going?” Y/N asked in a breathy voice. She maneuvered her arm until she could press the button to respond. “Yeah, he’s awake. We’re a little squished, but doing pretty good.”

“Great. I didn’t want Dean’s snoring to give you two away when they search us.”

“Search us?” Y/N hadn’t pressed the button, so I knew she was asking me.

I shifted, trying to relieve some pressure below the belt. “The people making the tech to drain all the banks may or may not be a dark government agency. We knew they would set up checkpoints on all roads out of the city. That’s why we’re sealed in an RV.”

“Great.” Y/N tried to pull away from me, and I knew that she was starting to freak out. Maybe the dirty confession interlude hadn’t been completely to keep me awake, but a way for her to escape from the situation for a moment.

Well, I couldn’t let her get lost in her head. So I grabbed her thigh and kept her leg over mine. She couldn’t see it, but I had a devilish smile on my face. She couldn’t go far anyway in this small space, but I didn’t want her to go anywhere at all. Keeping her rooted to the moment was just a pleasant side effect. With my other hand, I pressed the button. “How long is the line of cars?”

“About ten. And they’re looking closer than my Aunt Esther when she lost her glasses.”

“So we’ve gotta stay quiet for a while.”

“I’ll let you know when we’re next in line,” came Garth’s response.

“What’s your play, Dean?” Y/N’s voice was dangerously low and I knew that she was starting to think about the situation and the new revelations about me.

That kiss had been spur of the moment, and now it was wearing off. I needed to take a step back or I might scare her off completely and I needed her to stick around so she would stay safe.

“You never finished your story about your night in Italy.”

“You’re awake. I don’t need to.”

She was playing that way, huh? Well, I could play too. Dirty confessions was the game? I had plenty of those. Now I just needed to use what I knew about Y/N and what I’d guessed about what she was into to find a story from my past to get her distracted enough that she didn’t overthink. Once we were past the checkpoint it wouldn’t be such a big deal. But I couldn’t have her purposefully making noise to let them know where we were in a false attempt to save herself.

Plus, I really wanted to know if I was right about guessing what she was into. I would have never guessed the foursome scenario from her, but that didn’t mean I was wrong about other kinks.

“Have you ever let anyone tie you up?”

Her muscles instantly tensed up and her heartbeat started racing. I was so right.

“I’ve been on both sides,” I continued, trying to keep my voice as level as possible. “But I really like tying up the women I’m with. Them giving me total control. I love taking my time getting to know her body. Has anyone ever made you completely lose it before they even get you completely undressed? It’s the best feeling to have them straining to touch me, but they can’t. I can learn every nuance of their bodies.”

“Dean…”

“It’s kinda like right now. You’re not able to move—“

“Neither can you.”

And there was a sudden role reversal in my mind. “You wanna be on the other side? You like to be in charge, sweetheart? Tie me up? I bet you’d just love to do anything and everything to me. Run your tongue all over my body. Leave marks wherever you want.”

“God, Dean, you have got to shut up right now.”

I think both of us were way too turned on for our current circumstances, but there was no way I could even consider letting this go now. “Why? You had no problem turning me on a few minutes ago. I’m just giving you a taste of your own medicine.”

“Because you’re bleeding from a gunshot wound and we’re about to be searched by some, some, some secretive, villainous, government agency and—“

“Don’t think about that right now. The more anxious and tense you are, the more likely you are to accidentally give us away.” She took a few deep breaths, and I felt her fist that was by my head clench and unclench a few times. My own hand slowly stroked her hair, like my mom used to do with me when I threw a fit. “Good, good. Now are you going to help me distract you, or are you going to keep arguing with me?”

“Arguing with you is relaxing, Mr. Winchester. It’s familiar.”

“We’re not too good at turning off our arguments though. That could cause problems.”

“And talking about our sex lives until both of us can’t stop from feeling each other up won’t cause problems?”

Fair point. “Then what do you suggest?”

“Uh, I don’t know. Ask me questions. Make me talk about myself. I’m really good at doing that.”

Ask her questions about herself, huh? I tried to come up with something, but quickly realized that I had a problem. I knew next to nothing about her. She had been my assistant for a year and she probably knew more about me than I did, but I knew only a few details about her personal life. What kind of a boss was I?

“Tell me about your…” A brief memory of Y/N mentioning a niece crossed my mind. “Niece. How is she?”

“She’s great. My brother actually mailed me this tee-shirt last week because Addy wanted us to have matching shirts. She called me and made me promise that I would wear it to bed every night just so that we could have a magical connection that would last all day long the next day.”

Her shirt… All that I knew was that there were some bright colors. I hadn’t exactly been focused on her clothing when I’d burst into her apartment tonight. “What shirt is that?”

“Moana. She was so excited for that movie that I flew out just to watch it with her. I made a whole weekend of it.” Y/N was getting much more relaxed by now. A smile was peeking through her words, and I couldn’t help my own smile at the love she had for her niece. “I bought some Moana stuff beforehand because I knew that we would love it. The internet was raving and, I mean, you can’t go wrong with Lin Manuel-Miranda, Dwayne The Rock Johnson, and someone as cute as Auli’I Cravalho. I even got a hotel room for the two of us so my brother could have a weekend to himself.”

“Where’s her mother?”

And just like that, the light mood that had been created evaporated. “She’s not in the picture. She was… well I was going to say kind of a bitch, but there’s no kind of about it. Addy’s way better off without her.”

“At least she’s got you, right?”

“At least she’s got me,” Y/N echoed as if in a trance.

I was just about to ask another question when Garth’s voice crackled over the speaker. “They’re coming up to the RV now. It’s show time, lady and gent.”

NEXT CHAPTER

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For Asgard (Chapter 17/?)

You weren't going to lie: the fact that Loki got more guards escorting him into the flying helicarrier base than you was making you a little jealous. How come you didn't have as many guards?

When you were lead out of the plane, Cap, Stark, and Thor followed up behind with Loki back in their custody. They handed him off to six soldiers (with an extra eight following) who now accompany him down the base's hallways keeping their guns at the ready. Your mere three guards bring up the rear, most likely thinking it safer to have you and Loki at least somewhat separated. On the way, you pass by a white room with glass windows and inside you spot a wavy-haired man with glasses locking eyes with Loki ahead of you. The man seems to be analyzing him and from in between the guards, you can see Loki smiling back at him like a crazed lunatic, as if there was some kind of hilarious unspoken joke. You don't even want to know.

When the route branches off in opposite directions, Loki is ushered one way while you are forced to go the other. Your head keeps whipping back to see where they're taking him. Why do you always have to be separated? Turning the corner and another sharp left brings you to a room, one with only a table and two chairs. One of the guards nudges you in. “Wait here,” he orders behind a protective face mask.

You stand in the cold, bland space, not exactly sure what to do. There's a large horizontal mirror on one of the walls. How very Law & Order of them. You have watched enough television in the past to know it's one of those two-way mirrors. They're watching you (whoever they are). Better put on your Mistress pants.

For several minutes it's nothing but quiet. You take to leaning against the wall instead of sitting, a power move for show, of course. The doorknob makes a noise as it turns, and soon a man in a suit enters. “Please, have a seat,” says the man. His face is serious and business-like but his eyes twinkle with kindness. “I'm sorry, what was your name again?”

“... The Mistress.”

“Ah yes. If that's all right with you though, I'm going to call you 'Miss.'” You shrug your indifference.

“What can I call you, then?”

“Agent Coulson.” He offers his hand, to which you shake without thought, then takes his own seat across from you at the table.

“Nice to meet you,” you say out of reflexive politeness. He looks a little confused by this, considering the kind of person you're supposed to be.

“So... You don't seem the sort to be hanging around this guy.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“You shook my hand. Villains don't shake hands, as far as I know. And I'm almost certain they don't say 'nice to meet you.'” What are you supposed to say to that? That you're not one of the bad guys? That will ruin the front you're having to put up for the sake of the plan. The plan you have no idea about.

“I'm a new breed of villain,” you say deadpanned.

“See, here's the thing. I don't think you are one at all.” You look away from Agent Coulson, who is staring daggers at you, trying to read you. You put on your best poker face and keep your mouth shut as he continues.

“Because here's the thing: at S.H.I.E.L.D., we have an exceptional research team. They can get me anything I need to know.” Coulson tosses a white file folder on the table in front of you. “See for yourself,” he insists casually.

You look at him warily, but bring the folder closer and open it slowly to find multiple photos of yourself. In addition to those are files with your full name, birth date, family, schooling, workplace, and every other possible detail they could (and couldn't) possibly know. In all honesty, it's very strange to see all this information about yourself staring up at you. It feels like that person is someone else from who you are now. It's been so long...

“We know who you are, (Y/N).”

Were, you think.

“What we don't know, is why you're associating with him.” You look back up to Coulson with his friendly but prying eyes. “Listen, things happen,” he says. “People can get sucked into tough situations. You don't belong on the side you're on. You're too good of a person for that. Someone that's done as much community-based work in the past as much as you have should not be working with well, let's face it, a terrorist. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that we can offer you immunity, get you back home safe. You can have your old life back. We can make that happen.” Your eyes start to well up at his offer, which is not good for appearances. But you can't help it. It's all so much.

“What's wrong?” the agent asks, genuinely sounding like he's concerned for your well-being. “If it's because you're afraid he'll hurt you if you come with us, that's not a problem. We will make sure-”

“No. It's not that at all.” Coulson looks confused but is patient with your explanation. “I'm sorry, Agent Coulson. I can't leave Loki.” You shake your head. “I just cannot do that.”

“You love him.” It wasn't a question. You don't answer him, but that might as well have been a resounding yes.

“Have you ever been in love, Agent Coulson?” you ask, pulling yourself together.

“Yes. Her name is Audrey.” His expression when thinking of her says it all.

“Tell me a bit about her.” Coulson looks hesitant at first, but then dishes out a few small facts.

“She plays the cello, has a collection of scarves. She makes one hell of a cup of coffee.”

“She sounds like a keeper,” you tell him with a small smile. “Well, Loki loves books and sweet and sour spare ribs. He has an epic rivalry with his brother and I wouldn't be surprised if he knew all the constellations in every sky.” Coulson looks at you with understanding, but does not offer anything to your confession. “You would do anything for her, correct?”

“I would,” he says firmly.

“I understand I have no right to ask this, but please take me to him? I need to see him. To see if he's okay. To let him know I'm okay,” you plead. “He's kind of a worrier.”

“He's kind of a lot of things,” Coulson retorts.

“Just a couple minutes. That's all I ask.”

“I'm not sure that's-” You give him your best pleading look. Ultimately, he caves.

“I'll... try to arrange something.”

Coulson seems like a good man and you think he might see something in you. A trustworthy quality, perhaps (even though he doesn’t know you personally). He must see that, despite being in cahoots with arguably one of the most dangerous men alive, he can trust you. Whether it be with personal facts about his love life or trusting you to have the sense to not get in the way of the containment of your own sceptre-wielding love.

The problem is, you're not all too sure you can trust yourself right now.

Part 18

Tag List: @gerardwayisapotato, @theloneavenger1995, @magellan-88

[inhalareexhalare]

Inserted Re-Post// Ways You Can Fuck Up Someone Else’s Life and Your Own

Reuel is the name of the post-er:

(Beware Spoilers to a Filipino Film)

Alone Together (2018) - more like, sociopath-daddy issues together

Back when i was 16, i had 2 goals in life. 2 goals in life i want to achieve and that's it, my job is done, and i will be complete.

1. Eat a 21 piece KFC bucket by myself. 2. Play metal guitar as fast as possible.

It did not take long before i realized how shallow and stupid those goals were. I mean, it would be cool to be my age now and still have the arteries to handle 21 pieces of genetically modified fried chicken, or play open chords on a jcm marshall 800 ... but to call those GOALS, was a reflection of my youth and naivete.

As my goals in life changed, so did my perception and taste for rom coms and love stories.

I am no longer in my 20's, i am married, and i am in the stage where i have a very clear view of relationships without my libido to distract me.

Alone Together is a celebration of traits that breaks up future marriages and fucks up one's family life. If your goal in life is to be a single mother, or a deadbeat father, then you will love the characters played by Enrique Gil and Liza Soberino (i am murdering their last names, i really do not follow Philippine showbiz).

To give you better context, it is time for spoilers, and i will walk you through why both characters are messed up (and should refrain from raising children), and why their lives are the way it is.

Once upon a time, there were 2 lovers. Gil is a struggling med student, and Liza is a magna cum laude art student.

At that age, Gil, just like 16 year old me, has 2 goals in life:

1. Make Liza proud of him. 2. Marry Liza.

His goals are dumber, because at least my stupid goals only harmed my arteries and my finances.

When your self esteem is based on the approval of another person, you are going to be fucked. People are messed up. People are unpredictable. People change. And most of all, you cannot control people. The only thing you can control in this world is you.

If you want a stable self-esteem. It has to be based on how you see yourself.

Number 2. Marriage. You do not make "marrying your college girlfriend" your goal because life is bigger than shacking up with your girlfriend. The world is big. Possibilities are endless. And, you are young. Marriage requires a very deep understanding of the world and especially yourself. That is not possible in your 20's, even if you think you are more mature than others out there.

Here's a reality check: you are not mature. You are not a special snowflake. Everyone your age falls into the same thinking pattern you do. Heck, i did, and everybody thought i was mature. Remember, im that guy whose goal was 21 pieces of KFC chicken and playing Slayer at 250bpm.

Anyway ... in this movie, Gil never got to read my facebook page (plus he has no dad to teach him), so he ended up a crying mess when Liza broke up with him (for no clear reason), and he doomed himself into a purgatory of some sort.

Purgatory. Its that stage in your life where you refuse to grow and stay exactly the same person you are, making the same mistakes and believing in the same dumb-assed shit that got you there in the first place.

Now, on Liza's end ... she has already graduated Magna Cum Laude in Fine Arts and she is involved in a workplace controversy where her boss misappropriated 1 million pesos out of the company. She is an accesory to the crime, since she stupidly allowed everything to happen in front of her without telling anyone. She got involved in a law suit, and her career working in the economically viable world of Fine Arts is now ruined.

This brought about great depression in her, that she broke up with Gil.

Gil, being the sociopath he is, has zero empathy, and thought Liza broke up with him because he sucks at med school and he is taking a long while to graduate.

Fast forward 5 years later.

Liza is now in a relationship with a very industrious man, who is also going through an annulment. This man is her boss, and is probably a CEO of the company she works for. This guy is rich as fuck. And you know, in Pinoy movies, the rich fucker is always an asshole.

But i digress. I like the rich fucker, and i'll expound on it later.

Liza has a close relationship with Rich Guy's daughter, and she spends more time with her than the guy does.

Why?

The rich guy is busy running an architecture company, who even has clients based in New York ... plus the movie wants to frame: rich people = no time for family = asshole.

Liza complains that Rich Guy confuses her because eventhough he was the one who saved her career, helped her in the lawsuit, she is confused that Rich Guy treats her like an employee, while occasionally treating her like a girlfriend.

To this i say: of course Liza!

He is CEO of a really big company that he probably started. Do you know how hard it is to start a company? Do you know how hard he worked to build a company that big and that succesful?

He did that by putting the right people in the right corporate positions. And he did that to you because he thought you have talent for whatever job it is you are doing.

You have a job and financial security because of him, and now you are complaining that he treats you like an employee, while just 3 minutes ago, you were picked up in a chauffered car that you took to meet up with your fucking ex-boyfriend?!

I am getting ahead of myself. Let us go back to the story.

So Liza and Rich Guy goes to this awards event where Rich Guy is getting an outstanding person award. Lo and behold, another person was also getting a doctor of the year award (for helping poor people, of course, you have to always help poor people in Pinoy movies, because that is the only way you'll be a hero in the story), that person is, Gil.

Now, if i see any of my ex's ... i would smile and wave at them and go my merry way like every sane ex would.

But Liza and Gil? ... fuck no.

Not only did they meet each other's significant other, they also managed to exchange numbers, while making plans to meet up later.

Upon meeting, Gil the sociopath mindfucked Liza about their 5 year old past. He is now a great doctor - that for some reason, only has scenes in the ER, helping POOR people for free. And he even brings Liza to his workplace, mindfucking her again into seeing how much he helps POOR people.

Now, this pinoy schtick annoys me so much because poor people are ALWAYS ALWAYS: nice, polite, thankful, humble, appreciative.

Well guess what? I have a clinic with my wife and do you know who always gives me a headache?

People with no fucking money. Poor people.

I am sorry. If you own a business, sold guitars, worked the cashier in a hospital, worked as a waiter ... most of your problems and pains will be from poor people or poor people pretending to be rich.

People with money, pay you, smile and go about their merry way.

Poor people? Fuck. They would always have a version of buyer's remorse, or they would go out of their way to get you in trouble so they can have their version of a discount.

So yes. Stop framing poor people as saints and rich people as devils. Both exist regardless of financial status. And you will not be smiling and handsome as Gil if your job is serving people who cannot pay medical bills.

All this mindfucking ultimately convinced Liza to represent Rich Guy's corporation in New York.

At this point, Liza is already a cheating bitch in denial. She is meeting Gil regularly. They even go on dates where they pretend to be bf-gf.

I mean, i could respect Liza if she was just a horny bitch, but she is so deep in denial of her cheating ... that horny bitch or cheating bitch, i have lost respect for her character.

She is the girl i will tell my son to never take seriously. Have fun with her, hang out with her, but under no circumstance should he be serious with a cheating horny bitch.

You do not want to be involved with a woman who is so lost and damaged, she has zero clue what she wants in this life.

That is a big clue in whether a woman is worth marrying. She should know who she is and what she is capable of. Anyone who is in denial or ignorant about their flaws is a bigger headache than people who cannot pay their medical bills.

Anyway, Liza goes to New York. She extends her stay so she can go see some museums. And guess who is there?

The sociopath Gil of course.

Without any permission, Gil, the angel doctor who helps poor people, leaves the hospital and his girlfriend on a whim, to see his ex in New York.

At this point, i was really pissed off because the movie is now celebrating these 2 cheating son of a bitches.

They go on dates, they kissed. And Gil told Liza he broke up with his gf, so they can be together again.

Now you understand why i call Gil a sociopath.

Gil is completely devoid of empathy. Here are the signs:

1. He has no boundaries. When Liza broke up with him, he stalked her house for weeks. Any psychologically healthy male knows that no means no.

2. He has a girlfriend, yet he texted and asked to meet Liza.

3. Upon meeting Liza, he had no guilt flirting with her, holding her hand, and within 10 seconds, introduced her to his current girlfriend. Any normal male would show guilt at this point.

4. He leaves his job like it was nothing.

5. He broke up with his current gf as if it were nothing.

6. He is hot and cold with Liza. Hot, when Liza wants to stop their affair. Cold, when Liza suddenly wants to see him.

You know whats the saddest part?

I have met and dated girls who wanted those things in a man!

1. They want the guy to fight for their love and not give up. Who does that? A sociopath!

2. Will never get over them even after years of not meeting. Errr, obsessed sociopath?

3. Would drop everything for them. Errr, impulsive sociopath?

4. Will choose them even when they have a gf. Cheating, horny sociopath?

5. Challenging, unpredictable and full of surprises. Oh i know people like that! They are sociopaths!

Movies like this celebrate sociopaths, just because they have a job that helps the poor.

Now, after the New York momol, Liza decides not to see Gil.

Liza is such a fucked up character. She is cheating, yet she does not want to do it, yet, she misses it and wants to do it again.

Gil, shows his sociopath rage and tells Liza that she only stuck with the guy for 5 years because she has nowhere to go. He claims that she is only guilty and is only repaying Rich Guy by being his girlfriend.

To this i think its presumptuous of Gil.

Rich Guy made her human again - saved her from a law suit, gave her a real career. how can she not fall in love with a guy like that?

But since Liza is a girl with daddy issues, has zero clue what traits to look for a guy, as long as he is handsome and helps the poor like Gil ... she believes him.

Liza and Rich Guy had dinner to which Liza kept yapping about her musuem trip, while Rich Guy was totally not interested and kept asking her questions about the client meetings.

You know, Rich Guy did send her to New York to represent their company. And just allowed her to stay for 3 more days of sight seeing. He spent company money, 100k or so for a back and forth trip to Philippines and New York ... so it is normal that he cares about the business meetings more than the boring art stuff Liza is yapping out.

Rich Guy did not become rich because his interest in life was appreciating art. His interest is in business, so you really cannot fault him for wanting to ask about the meetings before anything else.

Liza, apparently, does not give a shit about finances, despite being stuck in a million peso law suit and unemployment, because she does not like Rich Guys concerns at all. So she proposes that shes not happy with her corporate job and is interested in taking low paying, entry level museum jobs.

Again, pinoy movies really hammer it down that finances are nothing and our passion and family is what matters. It is not surprising why most Filipinos are in terrible financial situations ... for some reason, its media celebrates not giving a shit about money, despite the fact that it is the problem staring us straight in the face all the time.

Rich Guy was pissed, but calmed down and told her that if she wants to mess around and have fun with her art shit, he knows some people and he can get her jobs on the spot with his connections.

Apparently, Liza does not like this. She broke up with Rich Guy then and there.

So, i dont get it.

Rich Guy allowed her to quit her corporate job, even got her a job for the art stuff she wanted to do, and she gets mad.

Do you know what kind of a girl would punish a man for taking care of her, while rewarding another man who mindfucks her?

A girl who is going to be a single mother.

I know this is probably going to be very offensive, because there are single mothers in here. But to this, im going to ask:

-have you ever dreamed of being a single mother?

The answer is no. Along with that No, is probably an admission of the mistake in being involved with a man you should have never been involved with.

I am sorry if you are a single mother. It is not the best status to be in, but if you truly learned from your experience, you will agree with what i say:

You had no clue what traits to look for in a man.

Liza is an example of someone who has no idea in what traits to look for in a man, and this movie teaches the wrong mindset, especially when looking for someone to have children with.

Liza let go a man who could have secured her future, and she chose a fucking sociopath over him.

Now, after the break up, Liza rushed to the hospital to tell Gil that she is now free and single! At this point, Liza is also now a sociopath. A girl with daddy issues craves for approval of a male she idolizes, she ends up taking on their traits.

Gil, was stone cold upon seeing her. Normally, he would be happy cause now they can be together, right? Wrong!

Gil does not want Liza anymore because his ex, the one he left for Liza, is pregnant.

Yes... ironic as it is, Liza did not become a single mom, but the other girl who got involved with Gil became a single mom.

You may hate what i say, but even the goddamned movie confirmed my predictions.

Now, Liza is officially alone ... and shes having a hard time looking for a job. Shes back to being poor, and nobody would hire her cause of her lawsuit past. But since this is a movie, Liza still gets to wear expensive clothes and makeup while struggling to find work until, one art museum took her in and she became very succesful.

She claims in the epilogue she doesnt get to meet Gil again, but as soon as she said that, Gil showed up in her museum, telling her that he broke up with his pregnant girlfriend but they promised to be good parents to their kid.

The last scene shows us Gil and Liza looking at a painting of Spolarium, while Gil carries and introduces his son to Liza. I mean, that is an awesome way to market a broken family. Make it look normal and problem free where daddy has a new girlfriend, totally ignoring the dynamics of original mommy in the equation.

Can you imagine how that set up is gonna mess up a child?

I have a mom. I have a dad who lives in a different house. I do not see dad much. Dad has a girl who is nice to me, but is not my mommy. Dad kisses that girl, but never kisses mommy. Meanwhile, theres another man in mommy's house who kisses mommy but is not my daddy.

I am sorry if you are in that situation. I do not mean to offend, but you do not want your children to be in that situation. Do not be offended just because i wrote about your mistake and the consequences you are living with now.

3/10.

Theres a reason why Philippine cinema is dying, and that is because it promotes values that is detrimental to our progress as mature beings.

It is funny that watching a movie and reading a comic book about an intergalactic threat like Thanos, teaches us more values about friendship, heroism and sacrifice, than a relationship movie that completely ignores the consequences of stupid decisions, while making cartoonish stereotypes of people in specific financial situations.

This is why it’s important to be clear about your goals, folks. 

(1) Goal/s. This is your purpose. Your driving force. Your motivation to get up in the morning. Your reason for living. Consciously make concrete your goal/s in life. Evaluate. There’s nothing wrong with revision and reconfiguration. What’s wrong is, as the writer put it, “purgatory.” Stagnation.

(2) Intention/s. This is actually synonymous to Goal/s, but I put it here in search of a different perspective. Your ultimate goal doesn’t change much. Not a lot. But your intentions do. We have limited attention. We humans are easily distracted, and easily scared. In fear, we cling to something illusory. In intoxication, we hold on to temporary glory. This, is why I differentiate goals with intentions. 

Your goals don’t change in your logical mind, but your intentions do, in your wandering head/heart. It’s important to be aware of what you do and why you do it. Again, there’s nothing wrong with reconfiguration. Mistakes isn’t the end. Collect principles from them.

(3) Choice/s. Once you know you’re in the right/wrong track, it doesn’t end there. Getting better takes initiative. You have to be active about what you want. If you have time to complain, you have time to do something productive and improve yourself as a person. I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to set small goals on your way up your personal stairs. It’s impossible to be a musician in one day simply because it’s too big a step. That’s just impossible for you. 

Small goals are big decisions. They decide your new habits. Small goals are like, requiring yourself to practice at least five minutes a day. It’s the small routines that build up your muscle. As your muscle overgrows your routine, that signals you to set higher small goals. Things are achieved through consistency. The first two points are there so that you can detect your bad habits as early as you can to replace them with new habits. Habits maketh human.

The movie shows how far they went, not realizing the inner mechanism of their minds. They fail to challenge themselves. They fail to ask themselves important questions, and they have no desire to assess their wants and needs, and the consequences their decisions make.

Being human is not an easy thing, you should know.

You have a mind. Put it to good use.

I’m not afraid of failure. What I fear is the point of no longer wanting to learn, no longer desiring to progress.

THE WORLD DESERVES MORE FROM ME, AND IT IS TOO RICH AND TOO VAST FOR ME TO TAKE FOR GRANTED

[one-of-us-blog]

Little Sister (TGG, Season 4, Episode 21)

Today Eli is forced to watch and recap Little Sister, Episode 21 of the fourth season of The Golden Girls.  When Rose is visited by her less-than-beloved little sister and Sophia is visited by the lovable pooch Dreyfuss, things don’t go exactly as planned.  Can Rose withstand the betrayal of a backstabbing sibling?  Can Sophia contend with the responsibilities of dogsitting?  Keep reading to find out…

Jon, I would have posted my recap yesterday, but when I attempted to upload it to the web I logged on to a neighbor’s wi-fi signal, and soon found myself trapped within a cyberprison of some sort.  Since that is one of the well-known dangers of using wi-fi (as everyone knows), I shouldn’t have been as surprised as I was.  Nevertheless, I’m no jockey, so it took me a while to jack out before I got geeked.  I was very pleasantly surprised to learn upon my return to the fleshworld that your recap of The Bells of Saint John was so good!  I agree that the plot is pretty silly, so I’m not going to go out of my way defending this episode.  Hopefully you’ll enjoy Jenna Coleman’s time in the TARDIS enough to make up for some questionable plots.  At any rate, keep up the great work!  For now, I have my own episode to cover, so let’s head to Miami!

Buttocks tight!

Episode written by Christopher Lloyd, directed by Terry Hughes

As the episode opens, Dorothy is lounging on the couch with a sad expression on her face, when she is joined unexpectedly by Dreyfuss the dog.  Oh boy, we have another Empty Nest crossover on our hands!  Sophia tells her daughter that she agreed to dog sit for a while, but Dorothy isn’t happy about this development.  She doesn’t believe her mother can be trusted with the responsibility.  Not to be denied, Sophia employs a guilt trip until Dorothy relents.  Still, Dreyfuss will be Sophia’s responsibility entirely.  Blanche is escorted home by a gentleman (we’ll assume for now), and bids farewell to Gary the funeral home owner.  Rose also returns home, with the news that her little sister Holly is coming for a visit.  Unfortunately, this isn’t exactly welcome news, and Rose is pretty wound up about it.  She even employs some of Dorothy’s signature sarcasm against her.  Basically, she hates her little sister.  When Holly does show up, however, she introduces herself with compliments and makes a great impression on everyone else.

We jump ahead in time a bit, and Sophia is searching the kitchen for Dreyfuss.  She has no idea where he is, and she needs Blanche to help her out.  Dorothy can’t know about this, however, or she’ll never trust Sophia again.  Meanwhile, in the living room, Gary returns to drop off Blanche’s earrings, but he takes a moment alone with Rose to make a move on her.  Rose tells him off just before Blanche walks in, oblivious to Gary’s wandering eye (and groin).  Gary departs, and Blanche lets Rose know that she really likes Holly.  In fact, the two of them went to dinner together near Rose’s workplace.  When Rose wonders why she wasn’t invited, she learns that Holly claims to have attempted to call her unsuccessfully.  Just then, Dorothy returns from a shopping trip with Holly, and the two are having a great time.  Heck, Dorothy even likes Holly’s St. Olaf stories!  The betrayal!  They also mention that they picked up tickets to the theatre, but once again Rose was left out (due to an innocent mistake, of course).  What is Holly playing at here?

Next, Sophia returns home with a duplicate Dreyfuss that she picked up from the pet store, as the real Dreyfuss is still at large.  Or is he?  Blanche reveals that Dreyfuss came home, and now Sophia is stuck with two dogs.  She can’t take the other pooch back to the pet store for a few days, so when she hears Dorothy nearby, she hurriedly hides both dogs in her room.  Unfortunately, she didn’t consider the fact that she will now be unable to tell them apart.  Rose is mad, because Holly gave her incorrect directions for lunch, and is certain that Holly is doing these things intentionally.  Dorothy and Blanche think she’s being paranoid, and that she needs to realize how great her sister is.  Oh, by the way, Holly also left her out of movie plans.  Oops.  Left alone for the moment, Rose opens the door to the living room and catches her sister canoodling with Gary on the couch.

The girls are eating late that night, and Rose needs to have a talk with them about Holly.  Dorothy and Blanche get mad and tell her to leave them out of her crusade against her sister.  Sophia, however, gets the info out of her and gives Rose some advice.  Basically, Holly’s true nature will surface sooner or later, so she should let the other girls learn about it themselves.  Surprisingly, Sophia needs some advice too.  She takes Rose to the garage to show her the two dogs, and asks her how she’ll be able to tell which one is Dreyfuss.  Rose prepares herself, and utilizes an old farm technique: she calls Dreyfuss by his name, and he immediately runs to her.  Problem solved, right?

It isn’t long before we learn that Gary has cancelled a date with Blanche, giving her a story about his mother’s emergency gall bladder surgery.  However, as she is sitting on the couch with Dorothy, Dreyfuss emerges from the direction of the bedrooms with a pair of pants in his mouth.  Apparently, Holly has some company.  We know where this is all headed: Gary shows himself, and Blanche gets pissed.  Rose walks in the front door just as everything is hitting the fan, and she takes Holly into the kitchen for a talking to from her big sister.  Meanwhile, Dreyfuss (or somedoggy) chases Gary out the front door…but he’s keeping the pants.

Holly tells Rose that she’s going to leave, but Rose wants an explanation.  Why does Holly keep doing these things?  Holly throws out a line about never being as good as her big sister who has lots of friends, but that isn’t good enough for Rose.  She tells Holly that she needs to stop using other people and looking out only for herself.  They may be sisters, but they don’t have to be friends.  She would like to be friends someday, but at this point Holly will have to make the first gesture.  She tells her little sister goodbye, and that’s that.  Returning to the living room, Dorothy and Blanche tell her that they are sorry for not believing her sooner.  To wrap things up, Sophia is ready to take Dreyfuss home.  Unfortunately, he doesn’t seem to be responding to his name.  Oh boy.  Maybe they can swing by the pet store on the way…

The End.

I wasn’t sure how I would feel at first, but I actually really liked this episode.  It was consistently funny, and this even worked for me as a crossover that didn’t feel forced; then again, I’m a sucker for a good dog-centric episode (and some helpful farm wisdom).  It was frustrating to see Dorothy and Blanche not sticking up for their friend or acknowledging her perspective, but I thought the ending made up for this.  It would have been predictable for Holly to have a change of heart and for the sisters to make up, but I actually appreciated that Rose did what she had to for her own well-being and let Holly go.  We are bound to encounter people who are toxic to our lives, and sometimes it’s hard to accept that cutting them loose is the only healthy way to move forward, as much as it might hurt.  Anyway, I hope the right dog makes its way back to Dr. Harry Weston.  I give Little Sister a score of 4 poofy hairdos out of 5.

Check back in soon, when Jon will be reviewing The Rings of Akhaten, the next episode of Doctor Who, and I’ll be back in a few days with my take on Sophia’s Choice, the next episode of The Golden Girls.  Until then, as always, thank you for being a friend, and for being One of Us!