#i always have the rather-not-go-with-the-blondes mindset

[ryllen]

liker of peculiar thing

[c0smoshit]

omg since requests are open.. can i request a cloud x reader with like.. shy kisses? 🫣 IABSKSN LIKE either one of them gives the other a shy kiss and how would the other respond (if that makes sense)

AaaAAAAAHH omg this idea is so cute and It also fits Cloud so good

Thanks for the request!! <33

Shy kisses ミ★

⋆ ࣪. ℙ𝕒𝕚𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕘 ≫ Cloud Strife/Reader

⋆ ࣪. 𝕎𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤 ≫ do not read this if you don't like tooth-rotting fluff, kisses, cheek kisses, yeah that's it, not proofread

⋆ ࣪. 𝔸/ℕ ≫ Cloud giving shy kisses it's so him and this really fits him so good. I seriously need to give him kisses until he forgets about that white haired man.

⋆ ࣪. 𝕎𝕠𝕣𝕕𝕔𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕥 ≫ 3.470

He had heard Aerith talking about her misterious partner, how they shared everything; hugs, clothes and even... kisses.

He was a busy man, he had a goal and he was going to accomplish it. He didn't have time for things like that.

But then you stepped into his life with steps full of grace and energy, your personality almost overshadowing his cold and quiet one, talking when he didn't know what to say or dealing with people he knew he would scare off.

He never would tell you this but he was so grateful you did the talking for him because, no matter how hard he tried to be the leader, you did a better job. He paid you off by taking down some enemies anyways.

Something about Aerith's happiness when she was talking about her love experiences made him curious about the whole thing.

What would a kiss feel like?

Would it be so electrifying that time would stop like she had described? Maybe it was a cute and gentle gesture, maybe it was full of passion.

He was lost.

What would a real hug feel like?

He had hugged people before (well, they had hugged him) but it didn't felt right. She said that the first time she had hugged her lover, she felt... what did she call them?

Butterflies.

How could anyone feel those winged insects inside of their stomach? It really amazed him how she explained those kind of feelings. It felt like an ethereal sensation, something that could only happen once.

Deep inside his stubborn mind, he wanted to feel that too.

He wanted to have someone by his side, someone he could talk to for hours without feeling embarrassed. Someone he could lay his head on their thighs while listening to whatever they were talking about.

But he'd rather die than talk about all those feelings.

"Shit"

His mouth opened before he could think, a burning ache lingered on his shoulder. A wipe soaked with alcohol deprived his mind from his daze.

Right... He was still inside his "house", but he wasn't alone, you were sitting by his side. A rushed sorry came out of your mouth, your hands gently wiping a not-so fresh cut from his shoulder.

He remembers your worried face when you both returned from the mission, how you ran towards him while asking him what happened. It really wasn't such a big deal, or so is what he thought, you were just very worried about him.

Well, maybe you were too worried about him, he didn't need someone to clean his wounds up after a long day. But his body told you a completely different story, leaning slightly into your touch and letting you handle him around.

If you had stayed for a little while with him, you'd be sure his head would be resting on your shoulder.

Meanwhile he was thinking about you, did you like him? Tifa always told him about how lucky he was, "a lot of girls like you!" She would say, earning a shrug of his shoulders in response.

He wasn't aware of how handsome he was, blonde hair, piercing mako eyes, sharp jawline, cristal skin... He was so dreamy for most girls. In fact, he thought he was an average guy, not to pretty not too ugly just, normal.

But he was clearly aware of how pretty you were. Everything about you was pretty, from your beautiful eyes and gorgerous hair to your intelligence and your mindset. He loved when you talked, he liked your voice and the way your lips moved.

How would they feel against his?

Pfft- What was he even thinking about, you probably liked another boy, not him. Besides, you were his friend and his partner at work, he figured out you didn't have time for love neither.

"Almost done"

You reassured him, placing some bandages on top of the wound. He now realised how close you two actually were, your breath trickling his neck and your knee touching his own one. What if you liked him?

He brushed off those thoughts, trying to keep his cool, your delicate touch whispering sweetly into his ear not to.

He took quick glances to your concentrated face, careful not to keep much eye contact with you. He didn't want to be weird around you, not when you were treatting him so well. His eyes drawed themselves down to your lips. He remembers the little peck you gave his cheek some months ago, he still feels the warmth of them lingering on it.

"Cloud!"

His head perked up as he searched your face, he was holding a rag in his hands that was full of soap. His other hand held a cup gently, not wanting it to slip off.

He heard the sound of the door closing, two pairs of boots and shoes entering Seventh Heaven. He was backwards, cleaning the dishes like you had asked him to while you were out. He didn't like taking off his gloves and soaking up his hands, but he would do it for you.

You told him about how Tifa wanted you to clean the dishes before you and Barret went to do some chores outside. He knew you weren't just begging him to do them just so you wouldn't soak your hands. You were in a hurry, it was clear and he didn't have to do anything that morning so when you begged for him to do them, he complied without any regrets.

He had to remind himself that he wasn't doing this for AVALANCHE, he was doing this for you. Those weren't some extra hours at work, you had nicely asked him to do it. It wasn't a big deal anyways.

Then he heard you walking towards him, the characteristic clank of your shoes coming closer and closer to him. Barret was there too, but he walked around for a bit before sitting down in a chair.

"Thank you so much"

Your words slided into his pierced ears, he didn't need to look at your face to tell that you had a big smile plastered on your face. And when you placed your hand on his unarmed shoulder he tensed up a bit, his hands stopped rubbing the sponge over the crockery.

He felt your chest pressed against his arm before something soft tickled his cheek. Although it was just a cute little gesture, he melted on spot, mouth slightly agape as his hand instinctively touched the affected area.

His brows were furrowed slightly as he looked at you, hearing your soft giggles when he retrieved his hand, leaving some soap on his face.

Although it wasn't as if you had kissed him on the lips with your arms wrapped around him, it still felt that intimate.

He spent the rest of the day touching his cheek, surprised to have recieved such a gesture from you. He also recalls how Barret shouted "Get a room ya' two", making his embarrassement grow even more.

Aerith also talked about how happy and relaxed she was in the arms of her lover, cuddling with him until the sun went down. She talked about how that relieved all the pent up emotions and stress she had inside of her "kissing him felt almost like touching heaven"

Did it really feel that good?

God he wanted to know, he needed to feel all the things Aerith was talking about. But he couldn't, he didn't have a partner or a really good friend to cuddle with ( or maybe he did but wasn't fucking aware )

But those feelings rested deep inside him, the agravating man with white hair floated on top of them. He needed to get rid of Shinra and the people who had harmed the planet.

"Is it too tight?"

Your voice spoke again, soft as ever. He shook his head lightly, silently telling you that he was alright. His back hit the sofa, sitting with his legs slightly apart while he saw you mimicking his actions.

He should be tired after what had happened today, but something about your company kept him awake.

The appartment had a sad aura enveloping it, maybe it was the fact that it was almost empty. But he didn't care, as long as he had a warm bed and a bathroom he was alright with it. He didn't think he was going to rest there for a while either.

The afternoon beams hit the floor through the window, creating an cozy orange glow, your eyes lingered there for a while, enjoying the pleasant lighting.

Midgar didn't stick out by it's nature or it's beauty, in fact, it was a pretty depressing place with all the pollution and dark lighting. But despite all that, you enjoyed how the sun striked the city by the time afternoon came.

Small details like this often caught his attention, meanwhile he hated how sad this city was because of the Shinra you managed to adore the smallest things. Well, maybe it was because you didn't have other option, you were stuck here with the group just like him.

"Thank you"

Your eyes looked at him, but he was facing the wall in front of you with his arms resting on his thighs. He looked calm, a sight you almost never got to see because of his constant fighting and working to take down Shinra.

You were happy to see him like that, so you told him that it was okay, you were here to help him. He liked the idea of that, having someone by his side when he needed them the most, someone to clean up his wounds, to look after him.

He was the one that did all those things most of the time, worrying about everyone's safety although he didn't say it, he did it. But he didn't want everyone's help, it would be just too much, he wanted you.

Your shoulders were mere inches apart, his breathing slowed down. You were sitting with both of your backs resting against the sofa, the med-kit you used placed next to you. Your clothes were a bit dirtied up thanks to the task the group had to do, you couldn't wait to feel the refreshing water trickling down your skin. You adored showers, you liked them even more after a long tiring day.

"Are you feeling alright?"

Your voice caught him by surprise, he turned his head to see that you were already looking at him.

"Yeah, been through worse"

And it was true, but he always picked his limp body up and fought with all his strenght. He really was a strong and admirable guy, no matter how hard he had fallen he was standing again before the blink of an eye.

He also was really stubborn so he would do anything and everything to pursue his goal, it didn't matter if he ended up worse than he was before and he surely didn't give two shits about what other people told him he should do.

He had a strong mindset, followed by his evident trauma.

He liked your company, you weren't as loud and active as Barret was so he liked it. His mind went back to Aerith, Tifa listened to her and they both daydreamed about her experiences.

"Do you think someone likes me?"

Tifa smiled from her standing position behind the bar top, she had her arms akimbo as she looked at you and Aerith. Both of them looked at eachother and laughed quietly making you furrow your brows.

"What's so funny?"

They glanced at eachother with sly smirks before looking at you.

"You're really oblivious, y/n"

You sent Aerith a confused look, what were they talking about? Did someone actually liked you?

"Wait, what?"

"Oh come on, don't you see how he looks at you?"

To be fair, no you didn't, It could be anyone. Your mind was soon flooded with questions about that misterious guy, maybe he was in your group, maybe it was some boy in Midgar.

As much as you had asked them who was that guy, they chuckled and told you that you should figure it out by yourself. But how? There were a lot of guys around here and you didn't even have a clue about how he looked like.

You had a pretty nice relationship with the girls, they often helped you pick out clothes and Aerith often gave you flowers saying that they look good on you. They made you feel loved and happy, you liked spending time with them.

You often went out to eat with them when you all could and those were your favourite meals no matter what the actual food was. You loved hearing Aerith speak about her past and her relationship with Zack, she picked up the sweetest words and spoke with a soft tone of voice.

"Yeah let's sit over there"

Tifa said while pointing to a table next to a window that faced a sunny stone path, people walked through it, some of them were fast and anxious while others talked and enjoyed their walk.

The ambience there was calm, there weren't many customers at that hour so the whole cafe was envolved in a pleasant silence.

You walked towards the table with a cup filled with warm tea in your hand and some chocolate chip cookies on the other. The aroma made your mouth water, and judging by the looks of your friends they were drooling too. You all had learnt to adore this place, it was small, cozy and they had the best confectionery.

Great for spilling some tea too.

You talked with them for a while about what was happening in Midgar and all the Shinra stuff. Honestly, you were so tired of them, you wished they could just dissapear and leave you alone with your friends. But they didn't, they just reinforced their security after some of your attacks.

You wished you could spend more time with the girls, with Barret, with Cloud.

God you would kill to just talk with him more often, the sound of his voice, how he talked with you. He amazed you, all the stuff Tifa had told you without him knowing increased your curiosity about him. He didn't share too much about his personal life, you wanted to ask him so many questions but he didn't talked too much either so you were kind of shy to talk with him about him.

"How was your first kiss like?"

Aerith's cheeks reddened at the question Tifa had just asked her, but there was a small smile plastered on her face too.

"Well... I didn't kiss him actually, It just kind of happened"

She paused, taking a sip of her own tea as you took a bite from the cookie you had picked up before.

"Our faces got closer and closer until his lips were pressed against mine, it was such a beautiful moment"

"He must've been a great guy"

You replied, breaking the small silence that was formed after what Aerith had said. Tifa nodded her head and the brunette closed her eyes with sigh before looking at you again.

"He was... He was my first love after all"

Another sip was taken from the cup placed on her hands.

"I miss him"

Tifa reassured her, telling her that there were a lot of good guys out there waiting for her. Meanwhile you stared dreamingly into the window, your mouth opening before you could even think about what you were saying.

"I wonder how my first kiss will be like"

You smiled at that memory, you all spent the rest of the afternoon laughing and daydreaming about relationships. Your head leaning against the black haired girl's shoulder as you talked with her about all the love stories you had heard.

"Thank you for everything again y/n"

Your head perked up until you met his side profile, you opened your mouth to speak, fisting your hands and placing them on top of your thighs.

"Don't worry about it, like I told you, I'm here for you"

Your sweet smile ignited something inside of him, it felt ticklish like some sort of fluttering in his belly. Were they... butterflies?

He nodded his head as he stared at you, you looked really pretty with the sun light hitting your face. He wondered if you found him pretty too.

"I'm glad you're fine, don't scare me like that again"

He chuckled as he looked at the floor. He lifted his back off it's resting position on the couch before speaking up again.

"I'll not"

He kept his responses simple as always, he wasn't a talkative one after all. Silence fell over the room, you repositioned yourself too, your hands falling down to rest next to your legs. He looked so good under the orange hues of the descending sun, hell, he always looked good.

"I think I'm gonn-"

Your words were cut off as soon as his lips made contact with your cheek. You quickly looked at him red faced, touching your cheek with wide eyes.

Did... Did Cloud Strife just peck your cheek?

Your mouth opened but no words came out of it, you were going to explode right there. You absolutely didn't expect him to return your cute gesture and make it even cuter. He smirked, his cheeks also getting a bit hot but he shrugged it off.

"What? I'm just doing what yo-"

You didn't know were your sudden move came from but it did. Your hands snatched themselves into his cheekbones, pulling his head towards you before crashing your lips against his.

The kiss was soft but quick, his slightly chapped lips on top of yours. It was really happening, finally you knew what it felt like, finally you both knew. It didn't last long though, you pulled off him saying all kinds of sorry.

"I shouldn't have, god- sorry"

He didn't answer you, instead he shifted himself closer to you on the sofa. He wasn't usually this affective with anyone, anyone but you. He had fallen head over heals for you, he tried to keep those thoughts away but you were just too much for him, too pretty, too good.

He placed his cold hand just bellow your neck and on top of your collarbone, the touch sending shivers up your spine. And before you could look into his eyes, he closed the gap again.

This time the kiss was slower and sweeter, your mouth moved with his as you trailed your hands up until they rested on his shoulders.

You wished time could stop so you could spend an eternity like this with him.

It felt just like Aerith had described... magical. Although it was clear he didn't have any experience in kissing anyone, his lips moving clumsily against yours and forcing a small smile from you, it felt really good.

His hands soon wrapped around your waist, bringing your body closer to his. You melted on spot, the quiet and angry guy that mostly talked shit about how everything was fucked up was kissing you with that mouth so gently.

You both parted from each other to breathe, the biggest and happiest smile plastered on your face as you leaned your forehead with his. You hugged tightly his shoulders, afraid to let go of him and he did too, squeezing your waist even closer to him.

You opted to just stay silent and enjoy the moment, the sky already darkening outside and the people starting to go home from work.

This was really a pleasant sight because this night, you weren't lonely.

Like two magnets would attract each other, you kissed him again, his lips becoming your new source of drug. You could never get tired of kissing him, feeling his lips on top of yours.

Like Aerith said, it kind of just happened and you couldn't be happier for this moment to be like that. Your breathing calmed itself down, enjoying the sound of his own heartbeat slowing down too.

When the kiss ended again you hid your face against his neck, hugging him. His strong arms kept you in place, his head resting on top of yours.

You stayed there for a while, a long while of laughing and kissing each other's faces until the moonlight replaced the sun on his window. You had lost track of time, but you didn't care as long as you were in his arms.

You soon found yourself at his door, ready to leave his house. He followed you, opening the door for you like he had done before, but this time you were leaving.

"So... see you tomorrow"

"Yeah, good night"

A few more words were exchanged before his lips found yours again, kissing you softly on the lips and giving you a last hug before you stepped out the door followed with a "be careful" from him.

He watched as you waved him goodbye through the window, keeping an eye on you. He closed the door with a quiet "thud", when he laid on the bed that night, he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep.

The next morning you rushed yourself into getting to Seventh Heaven, opening the door with the energy of a dog whose owner had just returned from work.

Marlene was there, drinking a cup of milk that you imagined was her breakfast. You quickly smiled at her with the biggest smile she had seen you show off for months.

Tifa was cleaning some dishes on the sink and Aerith was yawning, sitting in front of her.

You couldn't wait to tell them what had happened the night before with Cloud. And when the brunnete had seen you place your hands on the bar top with a loud sound, she wasn't able to even wish you a goodmorning before you spoke.

"Y'all aren't going to believe this"

[myobsessionsspace]

"My last point is that I don't really see JK being a club going person."

I was going to say this a well. I quite don’t get why some people portray him as a party boy when he has shared several times that he’s more of a homebody and feels more comfortable chilling with friends or relaxing at home - which, for an introvert, isn’t surprising at all. He seems like someone who has a small close circle of friends and doesn’t really socialize outside of it. Sure we don’t know him in private and it’s not like he never goes out obviously but I’ve always felt he was pretty transparent and sincere with us. So I really don’t get the need for some fans to portray him as a person he hasn’t shown to be. It’s weird, it’s like he’s not enough for them so they have to twist his personality to make it fit the way they would like him to be. That’s not exactly what I call love, but well..

~Ask Anon is referring to~

Hi lovely!

Right?! Talk your talk 💪

Like how many times has Jungkook shown and spoken about his MTBI?! He’s an introvert through and through. From what we’ve seen he has his select few that he’s himself with and has fun with but we’ve seen him when not working like a dog, at home or working out.

Introvert in the wild

He drinks at home, due to sasaengs he works out at home, he sings karaoke at home, he cooks at home.

Of course he must do things with people that we don’t see or know about but the pervasive notion that he’s some addict fuck boy boils down to ta few things, the main ones in my mind right now, small mindedness and baseless rumours.

Small mindedness because according to the teen book, movie, tv, fanfic stereotype the dark clothes, piercings, tattoo, bike riding, quiet type can and only ever will be a ‘fuck boy’. He has a group of 97z idol friends that one outing, that made headlines, determined his character from that point forward. What else has he done that warrants such judgements? Drink at home in front of his phone? Have boxing as a hobby? Own a motorcycle alongside owning cars too?

The Wattpad f*ck boy of their dreams 😑 I’ve literally SEEN countless Wattpad covers, some actually entitled ‘f*ck boy’ or with a fuckboyjungkook! tag, no joke!!!

Rumours because his blonde foreign, dancer, idol, older actress, tattoo artist girlfriends all can attest under oath to his ways, no wait it’s the random online account holders that can attest under oath due to their inside knowledge

No matter how often he shows himself to be a homebody. No matter how often over the years the members and Jungkook talk about how Jungkook likes to stay in. Jungkook saying he’d rather join in on other people’s plans as he’s not one to do much of left to his own devices. Namjoon saying Jungkook likes to stay at home and Hobi saying ‘he’ll go for Jimin’. Jungkook saying he stays in and when given Netflix suggestions says he’s watched them all, used to stay in and play video games, draw and create etc it’s not enough to shift certain people’s mindset because his outward appearance sets it in stone for them. Oh that and his FICTIONAL music videos where he holds a woman’s hand and starts at another woman’s forehead

When the camera is rolling for the MV character, the pop idol

When the camera isn’t rolling for the MV character but to capture the man Jeon Jungkook

There are so many side to this young man who has an aesthetic expression that people will not get over.

Curteous

Kind and respectful

Loving

Tender and caring

Cute. Sorry Jungkook you are a grown man, yes, but still so damn cute!

You’re right in my opinion anon but I will say one thing…

You said: ‘It’s like he’s not enough for them […]’

I say: He’s too much for them, so they have to simplify him to a caricature because him as a whole is someone they can never appreciate, how he deserves to be appreciated. Him as a whole can’t be the person they’ve deemed their fantasy or enemy.

Thank you for your ask😊! As you can tell I needed to get that out and you gave me the opportunity 🙈

💜

[world-of-aus]

Love and Barbells

Pairing: Chubby!bucky x Reader

Warnings: Fluff. Chubby!Bucky being a strong boy (he’s a warning y’all)

Author’s Note: Love and Barbells will be a series of work’s following you the reader and your favorite strong, thick, and a little chubby gym crush Bucky! I am an avid lifter in the gym and I could not help writing a little something self indulgent. Feedback is my lady jam, let me know what your favorite part was!

Stay up to date with latest works by dropping in with @worldofausupdates​

You admire him from across the gym, your form settling in for its next set of reps at the squat rack. He's by the mirrors, his hands going for a dumbbell, you imagine his blonde-haired friend is telling him to go heavier as he pushes his hand away from the lighter weight to one that's five pounds heavier, the perfect gym partner.

He lifts that weight with ease his muscle contracting for you and the mirror as he tries it out. There's just enough tension there, and you know he's settled on it when he reaches for its counterpart. You allow your eyes to catch his first rep before you're shaking yourself off needing to focus on your own set, you'd have time to admire his form during your later sets. You didn't want your two hours turned into three because you couldn't control yourself.

It's easy to fall back into your mindset, the music pumping through your headphones aiding in the action, your body falling under the weight of the barbell and added weights naturally. Your sets come easier as you focus on that of the spot in front of you rather than the long-haired brunette and his friends at the mirrors lifting dumbbells.

You’ve managed to surpass ten reps, going for the fifteenth rep despite the ache already settling in your quads and glutes. You suck in a breath as you come up from the fourteenth bracing your core as you go down for what you know would be your last rep. The weight feels heavier, your quads burning as you force your form up, you stall midway, your legs spasming as they try to push you and the added weight on your shoulders up. Heat slams into your face as you struggle, ‘fuck this,’ you think, you weren’t new to letting the weight slam back onto the rack when you were failing a rep.

You feel them before you see them, their arms coming up your sides their hands peeking in your peripheral the first sign that they are there, the second being their voice, “ah ah no, don’t let it fall, m’right here come on, up, go up you’ve got this m’right here.” The words and hands promising to aid in your last rep push you, a grunt pushing past your lips as you force yourself up. “Up, up, up, there you go!” Despite the ache in your legs a smile pulls at your lips, sweat pulling between your brows as you stumble forward to re-rack the barbell.

You come out from underneath catching your breath against the metal before turning on your heel to thank your spotter. The breath catches in your throat as your eyes find ocean grays, the same ocean grays you were admiring from across the room minutes earlier. “Thank you,” you manage to get out, “thought for sure I was going to drop that rep.” His grin nearly sends you to your knees, “s’no problem, was actually making my way this way to ask if we could jump in with you when I saw you struggling. I knew you had that last rep in you though so I hope you didn't mind me stepping in, I know some people get upset when they didn't ask for the spot and someone steps in anyway.”

You shake your head, “I’ve been coming here for awhile now but I can always appreciate any help offered especially during a rep I'm sure I would have failed had it not been for you stepping in, again thank you for that.”

“I’ll keep that in mind next time I see you struggling and am unsure if you need the spot or not” he replies, adding, “so would you mind if we step in with you?” You look around seeing the other four squat racks in the gym occupied, each containing more than one person working at them. Your reply comes easily, “s’all yours,” you answer, “that was actually my last set here.”

“You sure,” he questions, “the boys and I can just start at another machine if you need to -”

“No it’s fine I promise I'm done, was actually gonna go grab some dumbbells to rep out some RDL’s, so yeah it’s all yours!”

Again that smile he shoots you nearly has you dropping to your knees as he thanks you, "hey maybe next time I can join you from the start," he throws in as he watches you grab your things.

You chuckle as you reach for your water bottle, "I'd really like that, though I'm not sure how much help I would be as your spotter, from what I’ve seen you have really good spotters already.”

If he's caught on to what you’ve just shared he doesn’t mention it, much less tease you about it as he starts to rack his weight onto the barbell, eyes on you as he does so, "give yourself more credit you're stronger than you think, the weight you put down isn't light and you went past your usual reps, you should be proud of yourself.”

Your heart skips a beat in your chest at his words, would he watch you during your sets as well? Were you not the only one admiring from afar?  

"Not putting in the work if I'm not pushing myself to failure," you find yourself replying, and it was true having that mentality had truly helped your gains this past year.

"That's good gym ethic sweetheart," Oh God, he called you sweetheart there go your actual knees. Your face is warm as you give him what you know is a bashful smile, "well I should let you get to it," you find yourself murmuring as you see his friends coming up to the two of you.  

“Right,” he smiles as his friends settle up to his sides, they're nodding at you with warm smiles thanking you for letting them join in. Returning the gesture, you let them know it’s no problem as they had caught you at a perfect time wishing the three of them a good set before you’re pushing yourself to turn on your heel and away from the man that invades your thoughts.

You end up on the opposite side of the gym, the mirrors still giving you a view of the brunette and his friends. You set your things down in a spot moving forward to grab your heaviest dumbbell before settling back into your claimed spot, already sucking in breaths as you brace yourself for the next exercise. As you get yourself into position, you check you form in the mirror, your gaze drifting away instantly from yourself to the now shirtless man that had taken your place at the squat rack. From where you’re positioned you have the perfect view of him, you can tell he’s focused as he goes in, his depth insane as the blonde settled in behind him, follows his friends' movements, the perfecter spotter.

It’s not the way his muscles contract to the movements he produces, but the way the lifting belt supports his squat, the extra build there flowing over and around the belt that really draws your attention. Despite the extra weight he held around his midsection it fits his build perfectly, you found that you just wanted to be wrapped in his hold the longer you stared. To be able to run your hands over his muscled build and that bit of extra around his midsection.  

You scold yourself as the weights in your hand start to feel like exactly that, weights. You bring your gaze back to your form nodding at yourself once, twice before you’re giving way to the movements. Your making faces by the fifth rep, cursing silently to yourself as you push to give one more, always one more. You’re at the starting position fighting an inner battle to do one more, “c’mon y/n, c’mon just one more and you can fall flat to the floor,” you plead with yourself. You try to sike yourself out, going down less than half only to pull back up instantly a whine being pulled from your lips. “C’mon,” you groan just one more and you can stop.

The longer you stand there staring at the ‘spot’ in the floor the more the need to just drop the weights and plop down becomes, and you nearly do it if it wasn’t for the hand on your back that stops you. “C’mon now, I know you want to drop those weights but do one more.” His voice is an instant dose of energy, as you swallowe down a breath bracing your core as you go down for that last rep, “up, up, up, c’mon!” His encouragement drives your through the last rep, your form falling into a squat as you go with the weights to the floor.

You’re catching your breath, calming your racing heart before you’re turning your head up meeting his gaze instantly as you thank him. “Could see you struggling,” he chuckles as he cocks his hip, belt still wrapped around his form as he gazes down at you, “told Sam to spot Steve because like earlier I saw the drive to complete that last one.”  

You’re looking over your shoulder to see his friends driving through their sets, Steve barely breaking a sweat as he drives through each rep, Sam following closely behind. “Thank you again -” you pause waiting to see if he would take the bait, wondering if you would finally put a name to the man you’d been eyeing since you first started at this gym months ago. “Bucky,” he provides, leaning down to lend you a hand; his hand is warm, soft except for the rough calluses that line his hand. “Y/n,” you return as you let him pull you up off the floor, body nearly falling into his as you lose your balance. His hand is there to catch you, steadying you with a warm smile, “easy there sweetheart, you should take a break before your next set.”

The warmth returns to your cheeks, “yeah definitely going to take a seat before I go for the next machine, thanks again Bucky, seriously.”

“It’s no problem,” he replies warmly as he starts to step back, “and hey” he points at you, “I’m serious about your next leg day let me know, I'd love to go through one with you, sure we could both work up a sweat.” You could think of many ways in which you would want to work up a sweat with the man before you and leg day wasn’t at the top of your list.

Your smile is bright, was this really happening? “uh yeah, I usually do upper body, then full body before hitting leg day again, but yeah I'll let you know if you’re around.”

He’s walking backwards now, “I’ll see you around then sweetheart.”

You’re waving your finger at him, “catch you around,” you smile watching as he fully turns back to his partners leaving you to your thoughts and the ache in your legs.

“Holy shit,” you breathe as you dip your head between your spread legs, smile hidden from the other gymgoers.  

You pull your phone closer hardly able to contain your excitement as you pull up your roommates contact “you’ll never believe what just happened!”

[rilakeila]

heavy hearts and hidden truths, where draco breaks up with you to protect you

word count 4.2k fandom harry potter pairing hbp!draco malfoy x fem!reader warnings death eaters, mentions of bullying and pranking author's note i didn't give yall the sad ending :,P

request its where the reader is also a slytherin and friends with slytherin boys and pansy and daphne (absolute dream team)... Reader is specifically close with theodore... time goes by draco gets jealous and tries to hide it..partnered up for a potions homework with potter/cedric/etc..draco finally has enough. reader and her partner grew close working as project partners... makes draco jealous... and realize his feelings about her. reader becomes a little distant... but draco never talks about his feelings. so one day when the reader was on her way to work for the school project with her partner draco gets enough and confesses his feelings. request Hellooo! Can I request an imagine with draco malfoy where reader is also a slytherin& pure blood and used to date draco but he breaks up with the reader to protect her but they still love each other so much that draco is still jealous of her hanging with other boys and eventually draco and reader get back together? i combine a lot of requests bc it makes it interesting

LONGING, the emotion that consumed you as you returned to hogwarts after a lonesome summer. draco malfoy had been distant, almost aloof, from the very beginning of the break, and it left an ache in your chest. it was not that you hadn't expected some separation after spending nearly every waking moment together during the school year. but the way he seemed to be purposely keeping his distance, making minimal effort, it stung. It was a far cry from the closeness you had once shared. though, that was until the last two weeks of the break where the entire group of your shared friends decided to have a day together prior to the school year. that was the night that he decided to break it off, only to keep it a secret from everyone else. all you done was nod, after growing tired of waiting and just the sense of knowing.

there was a tense atmosphere during the train ride to hogwarts, lorenzo was initiating most of the conversations, just as he always does. you only responded, when necessary, even if there was an elephant in the room. your cheeriness that typically kept up with him was struggling to reach, which the only person who truly did know about the cause of your quietness was theodore. he was in the wrong place at the wrong time when the breakup had happened, but you believed it was the right time, as there would have been a struggle for yourself in confiding with someone else. theodore had been your best friend for quite some time since your first year, longer than you knowing draco. theo was the reason as to why you had a relationship with the blonde, anyways.

“why’s everyone’s knackers in a twist?” lorenzo plopped once more into his seat.

“hogwart’s a pathetic excuse for a school, rather pitch myself off the astronomy tower than keep going there for the next two years,” draco said, more so insinuating on something. 

“what is that supposed to mean?” pansy questioned, “weren’t you just saying a couple weeks ago that you were ready for potions?”

“to make a poison so that i don’t have to go here anymore,” draco said, though, a sudden black smoke misted the slytherin carriage, making everything barely visible.  

everyone peered around, not knowing what was happening. draco was the one who stood up to look around, obviously on edge about something.

“it’s probably those no good second years,” blaise completely unbothered.

“okay, draco, stop spoiling the fun, come on, (y/n), get your boyfriend in the right mindset,” lorenzo nudged you after returning to his seat when scouting around for any students.

“sure, it’ll be fun this year,” you tried your best to cheer him up, but there was no getting past his barriers. 

“for most of us,” theodore eyed draco. he was always rather perceptive and always knew something that no one else did. draco just looked away from theodore to view the scenery passing by. 

lorenzo quit trying to liven the atmoshphere, opting to fall asleep after fighting the urge to continue getting everyone in the same energy. blaise and pansy moved tables with crabbe and goyle, after pansy had stated it felt stuffy in the general area. you conversed with theo regarding about your upcoming classes especially since passing the difficult examinations of the OWLS. a rumor has it that snape moved to the cursed role of being the defense against dark arts professor. the slytherin privilege was no more, but snape still was a rather difficult professor.

the often-shared looks with draco were awkward, not knowing whether to talk to him or leave him be to cover up the lost relationship despite theodore knowing. draco was spacing out often, thinking about something else as his eyebrows would slightly scrunch as he twiddled his fingers. the remainder of the train ride was quiet, as the main atmosphere maker was out, exhausted from some event he had from the day before.

“come on, enzo, we’re here,” theodore nudged the sleeping boy, who was clinging his arm. 

“five minutes.”

“well, in five minutes, you’ll be on your way back to kings’ cross,” theodore managed to release his arm from the tight grip, collecting his own items. lorenzo grunted after falling on the bench which caused you to snort. the taller boy reached for your purse, “ready?”

you nodded, looking at draco who was just staring before looking around, knowing that he had sensed something. 

“you guys go on, i have to check on something,” draco was looking around once more. he was definitely on edge, but you were unsure what it was, similar to the anxiousness that he had worn during the break-up. though, you had heard from theodore that there was just some familial issues that he was going through according to mr. nott, his father. everyone just understood, leaving him, not before you gave him one last look. the only thing you had seen from the last of the carriage was that the blinds of every single window was shut.

walking to the thestral carriages, you could not help but turn your head back to the train, wondering what draco’s problems were. upon reaching the carriage, you watched theo pet the thestral, or what would be just nothingness, “is it just me or does draco look like he’s going absolutely mad?”

“maybe, but his dad is in azkaban, i wouldn’t be surprised if he is,” theo said as he helped you onto the carriage.

“whatever it is, he needs to get off his high horse and come back to the ground,” enzo yawned, crossing arms while leaning back on the carriage.

“well, we might be one less player this season,” theodore said, causing enzo to jolt up.

“what do you mean we’re one less player? you think malfoy is quitting?” enzo groaned, having to think about quidditch would have definitely stressed him out on the first day.

“why do you think he’s going to quit?” you questioned. theo only may have assumed as draco never failed to talk about quidditch during the train ride every year, but he always knew something, just as enzo was the news outlet of the group, seeming to have every side of secrets about everyone.

“just a thought.”

the first two days of settling back into school felt the same as it would in your previous years. though, your partner in attending class was replaced by theodore, which was how it was during your first four years of hogwarts until your relationship with draco. the entire group managed to enroll in the newt level of potions, perhaps mostly because of snape with his favoritism. though, now the professor was horace slughorn, someone you were familiar with as your parents had talked very highly of him when recounting their academic experience.

“before we get started on brewing potions, you’ll each be assigned to a partner this semester where you will be aiding each other. to endorse interhouse collaboration, mr. potter, you will be partnered up with ms. (l/n), mr. weasley, well, you’re an extra. i suppose you can replace ms. (ln)’s spot with ms. granger and mr. berkshire,” slughorn said.

you felt harry’s presence as he stood next to you, a small exchange of hellos were made. there was not any tension between you and harry unlike between him and the rest of your friends with the exception of enzo who was a little too kind, only to snag information from other people to build his portfolio. 

being dismissed by slughorn to your workstations, you noticed a slight hesitation from harry, perhaps from the recent events that had occurred and probably the lack of knowledge that you and draco had broken up. you glanced around the classroom to reach draco’s eyes which were fixated on you and harry before tearing away to focus on the task at hand.

as you reached your cauldron, you realized that harry may have some sort of vendetta that you were just as snobby as the rest of your friends, which was further from the truth. you were quite distant from the problems that they would cause as they were mostly all talk especially pansy. you cleared your throat, “can you read the ingredients i have to get from the cabinet for the draught of living death?”

“sure,” harry followed you into ingredients closet, reading out the list as you placed them on the tray. 

“alright, that should be all of them, thanks, harry,” you gave him a smile.

“i was quite nervous in partnering with you, felt like you were going to be like malfoy and the lot,” his head turned to the general area of where your friends were.

“yeah, i get that a lot. bullying people was never my cup of tea, neither were my parents to raise me like that,” you watched harry crush the sopophorus bean with the blade of his knife despite the instructions stating to cut it up.

“it gets finnicky with stabbing at it so try to crush it to release the juices into the pot.”

you nodded, seeing that it indeed worked much better. harry seemed to know what he was talking about while following the instructions, taking a stab at adding an extra bean instead of the regular 12, saying it was just a hunch and the color looked off. the potion brewing with harry was a delight, even making of seamus who blew up his own as he does in every class. finishing off the potion with the last touches, you and harry nodded at each other with a grin. 

“merlin’s beard, this is perfect. these excellent potion skills were surely passed down in the families,” slughorn had brought each of your finished potions to test them, which obviously passed with flying colors. he presented the vials of felix felicis, “make sure to use these well.”

you smiled, thanking slughorn, as the rest of class applauded for the both of you. scanning the crowd, lorenzo and theodore were the only ones clapping, the former with cheering you on being the loudest in the room while the other gave a set of five claps before halting. draco, on the other hand, had no expression except the slight jaw clenched. 

harry turned to you, “well, i am pleased to have you as a partner, thank you.”

“of course, well, you definitely did most of the work, really all of it, so, thank you,” you said as you both walked back to your workstation, cleaning up the area, “we should probably meet up or split the work for the potion ingredients and essay over everlasting elixirs.”

“sure, yeah. we can look later in the week, library?” harry questioned which you just nodded. bidding your goodbyes, you were bombarded by enzo once, while everyone else followed behind it was the group’s time to hang around in a random place.

“hanging out with the chosen one? how do you feel, draco?” enzo looked over at him.

“he’s pathetic, as always,” he stayed over in his place before walking off. along with his anxiousness, he was always in a rush to get somewhere, head spaced out.

as everyone watched him, enzo broke the silence, “okay, always the mood killer. does anyone want to go to the courtyard?”

“wait, did i miss something,” daphne had joined the group as she was the only one who did not advance into the newt level of potions.

“just draco being in a mood, he’s been like that for a couple of days,” enzo shrugged, leading the group which was typically draco’s.

daphne nudged you before linking arms, “do you know? i don’t think i’m ready for enzo to try to have a high level of energy.”

“i tried to talk to him, won’t budge,” you answered, “enzo would let us have fun.”

“well, break up with him if he won’t communicate,” daphne laid her head on your shoulder, which you chuckled even if it already happened. she always given you the advice to break off the relationship no matter how big or little the issue may have been. 

“maybe.”

ever since the partner match-up for potions, your friend group has started to rotate in harry, hermione, and ron, as they seemed to be always together. breaking down walls with ron was the hardest, seeing that he had a grudge against the rest of your friends. though, it was rather easy when ginny was getting along with you just fine as you would have to sit with harry during breakfast in order to work with your potions assignments. 

“are you ready for the quidditch season?” you questioned ginny as she initiated the topic, talking about the newest broom.

“of course, a good feeling this season actually, probably might win the cup for gryffindor. sorry to your house, (y/n),” ginny teasingly had said, knowing that you had little care for the sport. your eyes flickered up to slytherin table to see draco’s spot in the group empty next to yours, but you noticed everyone’s eyes watching in your direction, only to turn around quickly when you see them except theodore who shot you a small smile, which you returned.

“i wouldn’t doubt it, they’re gonna be out a seeker this season anyways,” you returned, completing your notes for herbology.

“it’s not like draco was any better than harry, no offense, (y/n),” ginny apologized yet again, which you just chuckled, loving that she was always ready to speak her mind. finishing the last bit of your notes, it was time to head to the library to finish another part of the everlasting exilirs with harry, “alright, ginny, i am off. i need to head off to the library, are we still on for baking later?”

“as long as you had permission from the hufflepuffs,” she waved you goodbye. as you exited the great hall, you were ambushed by daphne and lorenzo with a stalking theodore.

“a traitor, you are,” daphne released you once reaching a certain part of the hall.

before being able to respond, enzo continues, “you stopped hanging out with us.”

you looked at each of them, theodore seemed to be the only one who had little care as you had your late-night talks in the common room. you sighed, “it is nothing serious, there’s just a lot of things going on.”

“okay, but we don’t need to lose you to ultimate dark side like draco,” enzo said.

“what does that even supposed to mean?” you questioned, picking at his choice of words. enzo was the type of person to use a certain set of words to hint at something, yet, now you were unsure whether this was intentional. it doesn’t help when harry had asked you if you thought draco would turn into a death eater, just as the rest of his family. you were unsure, yet again, as you knew he did not have the heart to do so. harry also knew your parents were death eaters up until the fact Dumbledore revealed to him that they were double agents for the order. even then, the question did make the rest of that night rather awkward and tense.

“he just means that we don’t want you always disappearing during the day. have you noticed that he is always gone before slughorn dismisses us?” daphne leaned against the wall with crossed arms, “but, you wouldn’t notice since you’re always with potter and the rest of those muggle-lovers. are you guys even dating anymore, you’re never together. and, mind you, draco’s always at your beck and call, groveling at your feet. we noticed, (y/n), so you better start talking.”

“no, we didn’t break up,” you answered too quickly, feeling the weight of the eyes of daphne and lorenzo, mostly the former. you sighed, feeling the bubble pressured and ready to burst as they obviously had known, “yes, we did. truth to be told, the way draco has been acting, i really don’t know.”

“so, everyone here just does not know?” enzo questioned, “well, he’ll fest eventually. he’s quite fragile anyways.”

you hummed, “well, i have to go to the library, i’ll see you guys soon.”

walking away, theodore followed you, “i’’m headed there, so i’ll walk with you.”

you only nodded as your mind was occupied by what lorenzo had said. looking behind you just to make sure he was out of ear shot, you asked, “theo, do you think, i don’t know, draco turned like his parents?”

“is it because of what enzo had said? maybe, maybe not, but if he did, it’s only probably because his parents made him do it for his safety,” theo answered.

“so, what about you?” you questioned as his dad was supposedly some sort of loyalist to you-know-who based on what he had shared a couple nights ago.

“worry about me later, but draco, just give him some time. i know you’re sad in the inside, you’ve been avoiding us to escape the things at hand,” he said, pausing in front of the library doors before looking around. you nodded once more, seeing the rare opening of his arm, indicating he was welcoming a side hug. he only ever done so when your pet had died and failing a mock test for transfiguration after pulling several all-nighters. the immediate response of accepting the hug, allowed you to release a sigh that has been culminating since the breakup. 

“thank you,” you let loose from the hug. though, you were met with blue eyes across the hallway, only for him to storm off the other way. you only managed to catch specks of anger in the blankness of his face, only now adding that he was hurting due to something prior to the breakup. upon realizing about theo had said about giving him time, you asked, “do you know something about why draco’s been the way he has been?”

“no, just guesses and what if scenarios, but he just says for everyone to give him time. there were no specifics,” theo said, and you decided to not push for the answer, hopefully letting the truth set free.

since your conversation with theodore, there was an overdrive of thinking about every single word he had said. it was a known fact to you that he typically spoke in riddles or have underlining meaning to much of his phrases, especially if it is to help out certain people. you have seen him do it to third years, tricking them for some sort of prank, where it would mean one way or the other, knowing that they would pick the obvious. you have not spoken to theodore or for the rest of your slytherin group, opting to fill your time with busy work. 

going on your way to the library, you heard raised voices, granted as most students would be in class, only sixth or seventh years would be out on a free period. as learning from enzo that any raised voices in classrooms were sources of good news to share, even though you disagreed, there was a hunch sitting in the pit of your stomach that needed to be picked.

“mate, i’m bloody losing it,” followed with a rapid pace of footsteps.

“you need to calm down, your occlumency is going to shatter. you would endanger everyone especially her.”

what is going on? you knew exactly who those voices belonged to. draco was certainly in distress about something. what does theo even mean about endangering people.

there was a slam against a cabinet, “what do you know about calming down? you don’t think i saw you cozying up with her in front of the library. you don’t even do anything about pathetic potter.”

another thud was heard, “i wouldn’t have to if you would just tell her in the first place. she is endangered whether you like it or not. her parents are just like us, too. your relationship, her meeting your parents. our circle in itself endangers her. what about berkshire? forget who his mummy is? it’s your deranged aunt.”

they were death eaters. theo. draco. the hint that theodore was a death eater sat in him avoiding the question. it was right in front of you. 

“who cares? you don’t have the task that i do. her heart is gonna break when she finds out, she hates them. he’s going to kill her first then he’ll get to me. i need to do it”

draco was right, it did break your heart that he became one of them. even though you had everything you needed to know as to why he has been distant, but what was his task. before hearing anything more, you heard footsteps rounding the corner, jumping to fix your positioning to protect the two from anyone eavesdropping. you opened your journal, pretending to walk and read, only to see it was harry.

“you looked like you’ve seen headless nick for the first time. is everything alright?” he gestured to your face

your head was certainly in a frenzy after everything you have heard, starting to walk away from the classroom to avoid letting him hear what was happening, “yeah, everything is well, just reading for potions.”

he nodded, knowing he would not press on the issue. you made a point to ginny that he was those typical tall dumb jocks found in those american muggle movies. “would you like to come to quidditch practice, ginny keeps asking.”

hearing the door shut, seeing theodore and draco walk out, you quickly faced forward, practically dragging harry, “yeah, of course, i’ll lead the way.”

as you walked to the quidditch pitch with harry, replaying the conversation in your head made you slightly infuriated but there was a set of mixed emotions following through. he was reasonable with keeping the secret of becoming a death eater from you, but you trusted him just as he trusted you when it came to situations like these. you were angry, but there was a huge concern at whatever he has to do that had to be so dangerous.

lost in your thoughts, you barely noticed that harry had been talking about quidditch or dumbledore’s army, honestly you were unsure at whatever he was talking about. that was until he stopped walking with concern, which you didn’t notice until his voice faded away and that he was several meters back. you sighed, walking backwards to where he was.

“are you sure you’re okay? you seemed more distracted than staring at the lake when we’re doing the potions assignments with ron, hermione, and berkshire,” he said, pointing out your love for the body of water.

“yeah, i’m fine, just thinking about my herbology essay,” you lied, knowing that he would take the lie. you continued to walk to the pitch with him, not being able to shake off the conversation.

eavesdropping the talk was simply the greatest but worst idea you have ever had. the guilt of having that weight of knowing without their consent was painfully sitting on your shoulders. you barely talked to theodore, completely ignoring him. you barely even see draco anymore, choosing to keep your head down. several days had passed with your continuance of ignoring the both of them, even seeping into disregarding everyone else. you frequently were out of the slytherin common room until the night when everyone was sleeping, leaving in the early morning before people had awoken.

walking into the slytherin dormitory after a gryffindor-house party (only getting a pass to be there since you were an honorary house member dubbed by seamus), your footsteps as quiet as they could be against the tile floors. the fireplace lit, lighting up the person in front of it. head down in their hands, sitting on the armchairs. he looked up as he heard the taps of your shoes. his eyes lingered on you for a moment before looking away.

in that glance, you could tell he was worn out, and you knowing that he truly has the world on his shoulders. his blonde hair was disheveled instead of its neatly combed state, his tie loosened, and sleeves rolled up. you knew that he was losing his mind, as his foot rapidly tapped the floor, hands changing positions often, combing through his hair, resting on his neck, or rubbing them together. 

you inhaled, knowing that he was in dire need of comfort.

you exhaled, that was still the boy you loved.

“draco,” you softly said, not wanting to startle him.

instantly, he looked at you with pleading, exhausted eyes. you sat on the arm rest of the chair he was on, reaching out to run your fingers to comb through his hair. he leaned in, allowing you to touch him, and you carefully combed his hair back into place. your other hand found its way to his back, and he seemed to collapse into you. you pulled him into an embrace, feeling tears wetting your shirt as he sobbed, repeated murmurs of “i’m sorry” and “i love you.”

you held him close, letting him cry into your shoulder as you continued to stroke his hair and comfort him. You didn't need words to understand the pain and fear he was feeling, and you knew that sometimes, just being there for someone was enough. after a few minutes, his sobs subsided, and he pulled away from you, wiping his tears. He looked at you with gratitude in his eyes, and you gave him a small smile. It was a silent understanding that you were there for each other, through thick and thin.

“thank you.”

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[klapollo]

This is kind of an out of nowhere observation but I watched a short video about the actress who got fancast as Rapunzel getting bullied for not being white and blonde. In the comments is the usual nonsense by fascistic Disney adults but I feel like there's an entire contingent of women online who idk didn't have their Winx Club Legally Blonde Mean Girls fandom taken seriously as kids and now think being "hyperfeminine" and a girly girl is the greatest axis of oppression. Have you ever seen these types in the "wild" or is this confined to this specific channel

oh absolutely. ive noticed a lot of people who tend to conform well to conventional beauty standards tend to get into this mindset where they stake their identity on it, and in turn every modicum of progress that aims to expand what can be considered beautiful or even just normal feels like an existential threat. i'm sure it's always existed in some capacity -- people who benefit from unearned privilege tend to resist equity, i don't need to explain that part -- but i feel like this unique manifestation vis a vis "lookism" as it were is pretty strong lately

ive posted about this before but as someone who's been deeply subjected to pro-ana communities and their adjacent orbits (coquettes, girlbloggers, gymbros and so on) ive seen lots of people get bent out of shape over things like victoria's secret casting fat models, seeing plus sizes mannequins in store windows, seeing fat people get deals with trendy brands. they feel as if their appearance is this inherent quality of their Self, and on top of that a virtue that they worked toward rather than (more often than not) a result of a myriad of factors, many of which have little to do with their lifestyle efforts. in turn, a lot of these same people who identify with traditional gender roles (as a lot of these groups often do but you see plenty of people outside of them who do this shit, like tradwives) perceive any expansion of social roles as a direct attack on them. their conformity is valuable to them, it gives them esteem and access in society. whether they realize it or not, any perceived threat to that elevation is a problem of the highest order. expansion is persecution. whether or not they truly believe that or just use it as a talking point is something only they know.

and again i would find this sad if they didnt use it to hurt others. like, your sense of self should go beyond how well you fit narrow beauty standards or the size of your waist or people who Arent Like You being considered lesser. it just sounds like a miserable way to live

[femmikoto]

pokes inbox

hi do you have girlmeep ideas... i wanna try drawing girlmeep and your brain has magical things according to what i've seen from your posts :0

runs

[CRACKS KNUCKLES] ohhh do i have girlmeep thoughts. these will be a little scattered between deeper character insight and aesthetic stuff so forgive the rapid chopping and changing

• FIRSTLY i think certain elements of 09s story are made stronger by a female interpretation of the character. anyone whos lived as a woman at some point in their life knows how much society hates women and how its expected that they make themselves "smaller" and more paletable so theyre not labelled as annoying or rejected by the world at large

• i think mikotos emotional repression and meticulous social maintenance line up incredibly well with this, particularly the suppression of "ugly" emotions so others dont think less of him

• in a female interpretation john (jane?) can also be read slightly differently as a manifestation of the concept of female rage- anger and social rebellion against the pressure and everday injustices against women that people are shamed for (typically by men) if they so much as acknowledge them in any capacity

• i think she would mostly dress the same as canon (showing very little skin, preferring baggy clothing but styling it a little differently, sticking to casual street fashion etc) but instead of ONLY having trousers she also switches it up with shorts or skirts from time to time (always paired with tights or high stockings depending on the length). i dont think she would wear dresses very often outside of formal events like weddings, funerals etc

• shirts stay the same though i think shes only wearing t-shirts or button-ups. again always things that dont show much skin, if any

• i dont think girlmeep would be immune to perpetuating internalised misogyny in the way a lot of girls tend to do with each other- looking at women who are more brash and unrepentant in their self-empowerment and going "so rude, i could never be like that" or "just put up with it like the rest of us..." rather than allowing herself to consider how freeing it must be to stop caring about what men think

• im not gonna pull a hideo kojima on why i draw her with huge boobs 85% of the reason why is just that im a lesbian who loves huge boobs. HOWEVER. the remaining 15% is because anyone with boobs will attest that the larger they are the more total strangers feel like they can comment on them and objectify you for them and i think this would shape her "if i endure it, ill stop being irritated and get used to it eventually" mindset

• i prefer girlmeep with mikotos canon haircut but i think theres a case for her having both long and short hair. long hair is more traditionally feminine but i think mikotos style and trend-conscious nature makes the canon cut possible. however trying to figure out how to accurately place her blond tips without her ceasing to look like mikoto can be a pain in the ass with the longer hair so i say reject realism and just do whatever you think looks best if you end up drawing her (I REALLY REALLY HOPE YOU DO I EXIST FOR GIRLMEEP ART DROPS)

[tzuyubit]

ups and downs

note: this was originally a request from a different fandom that i wrote for that i changed up a bit. i’m sorry if this ooc, this is my first time writing for tzuyu. please be nice and keep in mind i mean no harm at all.

sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes.

warnings: deals with the topic of eds.

. . .

: tzuyu?

: i'm sorry, i know it's late but

: i know you said to message you whenever i feel this way. so i am. but i feel so bad, i'm so sorry.

: i just didn't know what else to do.

if you had been in a rational state of mind, you would've opted out of texting tzuyu. you hated feeling like you were bothering her, but somehow she always managed to reassure you that nothing was ever too much for her to handle.

so in your frantic mindset, your thumbs raced out to reach her.

it's okay, you told yourself. she would want you to do this.

it was currently 2:36 in the morning and you were losing your grip on reality all because of the simple fact that you'd forgotten to log your food intake all day.

you'd gotten so carried away between lively things that it unintentionally slipped your mind.

how could you forget? it was such a habitual thing for you to do.

but between your panicked, rushed out breaths, you didn't hear the sound of your phone buzzing. the sound of tzuyu.

it had been twenty minutes since you sent her those texts, twenty minutes of you sitting on your bedroom floor, scribbled notebook in hand with tears rolling down your face.

meanwhile, tzuyu drove to your place of stay as fast as she could, not caring if she was breaking any laws. she knew you felt like a burden most of the time, so with that information she knew you wouldn't text her unless something was truly wrong.

the blonde woman didn't miss a beat rushing to your door. she fumbled with the key, cursing at how much of an inconvenience locked doors could be in such a moment of desperation.

tzuyu didn't have to think twice before making her way to your room, already hearing the sound of your cries the second she walked through the door. 

seconds later she was kneeling in front of you. "y/n? can i sit next to you?" you nodded, instantly bringing your shaky body into hers.

sh tensed at first, but put aside her distain for physical touch for the sake of your comfort.

"what happened?" she questioned, mechanically rubbing her hand up and down your back.

"it's stupid, so stupid." you sniffled, bringing your head into your knees. "i can't believe i forgot. it's not possible, i never forget!"

tzuyu took the time to scan your surroundings, finding torn pages from your notebook with scribbles covering lines with various amounts of numbers underneath them. it didn't take long for her to connect the dots, making you worry even more about what she was thinking of you.

"i'm sorry, i know you've never seen me in this state. it must be awkward for you." tzuyu frowned, her hand stopping all movement at once. "there's nothing for you to be sorry for. you know i prefer it when you text me. i'd rather be here with you than have you go through this alone." 

your breaths were still heavy and quick paced, but as you leaned into your girlfriend they seemed to lighten. tzuyu kicked your food diary out of view, hoping that maybe if you didn't see the "crime" you'd committed, you wouldn't feel so guilty.

"are you willing to talk about it?"

wiping your eyes, you attempted to speak through your labored breathing.

"i log my food, it's what i do. i have to do it. you know why." speaking was hard do to, tzuyu understood that. so she let you take as long as you needed, listening to each and every word you fumbled over. "i must've forgotten because i was so busy with everything today. i didn't even realize it until i noticed my journal laying on my nightstand untouched."

tzuyu nodded, taking in the information you so carefully passed to her and came to her own conclusions.

"so it's apart of your routine, right? one missed day will not hurt you, no matter what your brain is telling you. and even though i don't exactly support your habit of logging your food, mostly because from what i've read it's not enough fuel for your body, if it helps you and you need it, i'm here to support you. i know i'm not the best at physical comfort, but i'll still always be here for you. i hope you know that."

the blonde took your hand and moved you to your bed, sitting next to you as you laid down. she then placed her hand on your chest, "remember that it's just one day." 

you nodded, and for the next seven minutes or so watched tzuyu's chest rise and fall, eventually returning back to your own regulated state of breathing.

"mistakes happen, but they don't always make you a bad person, especially not something like this. i'm glad you reached out to me though, i just hope that one day you won't feel the need to rely on such a small thing for so much of your worth." 

you squeezed her hand, suddenly feeling exhausted from the extreme reaction. tzuyu stayed with you throughout the night, checking your every needs, never leaving your side until you felt safe.

[angelsanarchy]

Alone Together - Eddie/OC One-Shot Series PRT 24

Prt 1 - Prt 2 - Prt 3 - Prt 4 - Prt 5 - Prt 6 - Prt 7 - Prt 8 - Prt 9 - Prt 10 - Prt 11 - Prt 12 - Prt 13 - Prt 14 - Prt 15 - Prt 16 - Prt 17 - Prt 18 - Prt 19 - Prt 20 - Prt 21 - Prt 22 - Prt 23

taglist:

@thetenthdoctorscompanion @siriuslymooned @samwilsonnsnns @kathaaaaaaa

Dani tried to pack as light as possible for her winter vacation with her mom. She wasn't going to give her any reason to pry into her personal life so she kept the clothes she brought with her as simple as possible. She considered taking her oversized Corroded Coffin shirt that she slept in or even the Hellfire shirt of Eddie's he let her borrow but she didn't want to give her any opening to try and "relate" with her.

"Does your little friend know you're going to be away for the whole week? Dad said he would let him know but I can always stop by his house and let you say happy holidays." Dani kept her eyes out the window.

"I said my goodbyes to everyone I needed to. I let them know if they haven't heard from me in a week, send the search party out." Dani showed no emotion towards her mother's questions. She was giving her the time she had threatened her dad with but that didn't mean she had to give her the attention.

"Have you thought anymore about college? I know you wanted to go somewhere warm. Maybe California? You would look so cute with blonde highlights." Dani rolled her eyes now making sure to address her mom directly.

"I can't live in a place like California with the air quality and humidity. Feels like something my mother would know since I have a lung disorder." Dani gave her a forced smile.

"Look kid, I know you think I left because your illness was too hard to deal with but your father and I were on the verge of divorce way before you got sick. I had to get away from him and his small town mindset. Hawkins might be home but that doesn't mean you need to use it as a safety blanket. There's a whole world out there baby." Her mom reached a hand out and she put her hands in her lap.

"Hawkins isn't home. We were supposed to be your home. You were supposed to love us enough to stick around. I don't plan to live in Hawkins my whole life but I plan to have my own place that includes the people I care about." Dani started to raise her voice making her mother clear her throat. When she parked the car, it wasn't at whatever hotel she was staying at but rather a cafe that had a really nice bookstore attached to the back of it.

"What are we doing here?" Dani asked looking around.

"I figured you wouldn't want to have much of a dialogue with me so I wanted you to be able to have a book or two to keep you company. Plus, I need coffee or else I too will be having a meltdown." Her mom leaned over and pulled the zipper up to her chin and Dani moved her hand. She got out of the car and made sure to go in the opposite direction of her mother to look for a possible book to keep her sane during the break. She had been reading Magician: Apprentice by Raymond Feist but she didn't even think to bring it with her. The majority of her reading list this year had been fantasy novels. She completely blamed the boys for it but she had been enjoying them.

There was always the option of grabbing another D&D book but they were so hard to find now that the "satanic panic" was afoot and the medias relentless push to demonize a stupid board game. It was honestly laughable. Dani found one in clearance covered by a thousand other books, a lot of bibles and how to be the best Christian books were ironically placed atop it. She made sure to shove it down into her bag before returning to the coffee shop to see her mom sitting with Ms. Kelley.

"Dani! It's so good to see you. I was just chatting with your mom about what a joy you've been." Ms. Kelley smiled but Dani didn't like this whole interaction. She did NOT need her mom snooping into her school life, especially with the nosy guidance counselor who didn't seem to want to leave her alone for five seconds.

"Hi Ms. Kelley. There's really no need to talk to her about-"

"So what are her college prospects looking like? She's always been so smart and capable. I think she could go anywhere but I'm just her mom." Dani felt sick to her stomach watching her mom put on this mom of the year front.

"She hasn't shown a ton of interest in one college in particular. We don't spend a ton of time talking about where she would like to see herself outside of this year. I'm just happy when she eats lunch in the building." Ms. Kelley joked.

"Surely she has the grades to get in someplace prestigious. She's got an amazing story of survival due to her illness. How could a college say no?" Dani felt the anger in her belly building.

"I'm not going to use my illness as a free pass to college." Dani crossed her arms over her chest and Ms. Kelley could see the dissension between them.

"Your struggles would make a very good college essay but it in no way guarantees you a spot, Dani. We can schedule something for after break and we can talk about what sort of college you were thinking of applying to." Ms. Kelley was trying to salvage the situation.

"She should have already been thinking about colleges. It's that damn boy she stays distracted with. He has no future outside of a jail cell so naturally she's not focused." Trish rolled her eyes.

"You don't even know Eddie. I don't know who told you-"

"Oh please sweetheart, spare me. The moment I found out he was a Munson, I knew who he was kin to. The only prospects a Munson has ever had was to get knocked up or incarcerated." Trish knew who the Munson's were. The moment she found out that the boy she was talking to was a Munson, she knew he would cause Dani trouble.

"Eddie is actually on par to graduate on time this year." Ms. Kelley tried but Trish just laughed.

"Oh yeah? How many years has he been a senior?" Ms. Kelley didn't respond but looked towards Dani.

"I don't think your friendship with Eddie will stop you from getting into college Dani but I do feel like your focus shouldn't just be on him. You should absolutely focus on a future beyond any silly high school crushes." Dani put her hands down on the table and looked between her mother and Ms. Kelley.

"I appreciate the guidance Ms. Kelley but frankly the only reason I come to your office is because it's mandatory. I, in no way want any advisement in regards to my friends, relationships or future from someone who doesn't know the first thing about who I actually am." Dani explained calmly with venom on her tongue.

"DANIELLE!" Trish raised her voice.

"And you, mother of mine. You don't matter when it comes to my future because you will never be apart of that future." She seethed.

"Happy holidays Ms. Kelley. I will be going back to the car now." Dani slung her bag back over her shoulder and marched back out to the car knowing her mother would give her an earful but she didn't care. She was so tired of tip toeing around people. If there was one thing Eddie Munson had taught her, it was to stand out and be proud of who you are. It was time she start abiding by that.

[anotherghoul666]

It's Stream, for the "look like" game. I scrolled past your answers on my dash really quick so I promise this is purely off Vibes.

Short but soft (you mentioned nice cushiony thighs in a previous answer to an ask I sent you so I am mentally laying on them again) but also could probably stop a runaway semi based on Death Looks alone. Always wearing something leather if you can. Short fluffy dark hair and very nice hands, cool to the touch. Short nails never really painted. A face like a cherub that lets people underestimate you until you pull out the Dominant Energy. Eyes that see too much despite what people try to hide.

Short but soft is accurate! I do have some solid comfy thunderthighs, in fact pretty much everything is soft and comfortable I'm told haha. You are more than welcome to rest on the thighs my friend :)

I have never attempted to stop oncoming traffic with just a glare but! I have had clients cut the shit with a glare before so yeah I assume my death look works just fine XD

I do not wear leather items every day because of sensory issues. My sensory capabilities vary wildly from day to day, and while I venerate and worship at leather's altar as a general mindset, some days I don't do well with how hot you get inside leather for example. Plus the smell of leather is a very very very strongly coded arousal trigger for me, and I can't always be horny while in the wild XD So I am selective about when and where and why I wear it. Leather for me is more like a very special treat I get to give myself when I can, or a surefire way to get me in a certain headspace. Now if we're talking about going out to like, lifestyle events or play dates or BDSM workshops and the like? Yeah half of my gear arsenal is leather, maybe more, so it is on me in those moments at all time XD

Short hair is right, it's more flat than fluffy but it is very fine and silky to the touch, and it's not dark! My natural color is a kinda ashen blonde / chestnut adjacent / red tones in the sun vibe. Which is what I have going on now because I'm giving my hair a health break from dyes hahaha

My hands are beat to death XD but I do use handcream every night so they are soft on the spots I don't take my anxiety out on, and you were right about them being cold. My hands and feet are always cold. Short nails is right, for sensory issues I cannot tolerate long nails, and then there's also the, you know, dating women thing, and I'm a stone top so you know there's not a long nail on these hands! xD I had a couple of painted nails phases in my life but none of them have lasted more than a few months. Now that I think about it, that was probably a sensory issue too. The smell of nail polish never completely leaves and I kept picking the polish off as a stim. So yeah, I haven't painted my nails in, sheesh, what, 6 years maybe?

My face definitely reads as approchable and warm when I mask, I'll give you the point. Unmasked, people will stand in the bus rather than sit next to me XD I am an extremely observant person, I catalog and script everything, people watching is one of my favorite things to do and my literal job is to pick out people's patterns, so! I'd agree with the eyes that see even when you try to hide thing.

You did great!! Thank you for playing and doing it fairly Stream, this was super fun! :D

[diovstheworld]

Star Boy - Donatello Versus

something not la squadra related for once. written just for fun in some moments of me being sad and needing a serotonin boost and this guy was on my mind :) sorry for any errors, i’m not from florida nor am i from anywhere warm (scotland’s weather is not the best lmaooo) so please bare with me and thank you for reading :) p.s. i apologise for my writing abilities, they get worse every time 😭

୨ ╭ ୨୧ ✦ ︶꒷꒦・⎯⎯・⎯⎯・₊ˎ✧๑

The first thing Donatello felt was the chill of the summer wind against his sensitive ivory skin, the gentle breeze tickling the fluffy platinum blonde hairs on his slender arms. He wasn’t wearing his usual white hoodie adorned with blue pockets, though the garment wasn’t too far away from him, wrapped around his waist and grazing his slender hips. He didn’t anticipate that he would feel the cold but he thought it best to bring some sort of garment nonetheless. Plus he didn’t want to be sitting on the ground in just his jeans when he inevitably stopped for a break. After all, this walk didn’t have no purpose. The blonde took a few more steps down the pavement before a melody fluttered through the air that seemed to be coming from some beach party in the distance. Donatello could only see the smoke of a log fire (or perhaps a man made barbecue), but he knew the irritating sound waves of the bad pop song were bound to get stuck in his head later. For a brief moment, he contemplated silencing said beach party and the loud bass of the pop (actually, now he thought about it, it sounded more like rap) song by using Underworld to create some disaster. But even he thought this was rather extra to go to such extremes to silence some shitty music. Besides, he could always just put in his— his own thoughts were stopped as he felt around the front and back pockets of his dark wash denim jeans before his hands landed to a bulge in his hoodie pocket. Panic over. His beloved airpods were sleeping peacefully in their case. Not that this treasured possession of his even belonged to him. They belonged to some kid on the bus that had dropped them on accident, and, as the saying goes, finders keepers, right? Donatello hadn’t alerted Rikiel and Unaglo of this fact. Not that Unaglo would care, but Rikiel would probably go into panic mode of some sorts. Ah yeah, that dumb kid from the bus. He remembered him very well; the kid stunk of weed which he was desperately trying to mask with an overpowering dose of Lynx Africa (not very well Donatello might add). He remembered the boy’s attitude had stunk just as much as the stale odour that clung to his body. Donatello couldn’t help but feel that perhaps he deserved to lose his airpods after the way he shoved an old lady down the stairs. Though he didn’t dare utter those words out loud. He didn’t want to get any bad karma. He already had enough shitty luck to last him a lifetime and beyond. He was shocked this little blessing of good luck hadn’t caused a shit ton of bad luck to rain down on him if he was being totally honest. Plus it seemed a waste of his time to overreact on silly little events of the past right now. Though, it was really events of his past that even brought him to the golden sands of the Floridian coast on this summer evening. Ah, cue Donatello doing what he does best: put on music to drown out negativity and the bullying thoughts that came from his brain while taking a stroll away from his brothers who only seemed to aggravate him even more when he was in a bad mindset. In went the ‘stolen’ airpods, left bud in before the right. Alice In Chains started playing immediately as the bud made contact with his ears. Dam That River was the song. He really liked that one. Though he was a big lover of rock music in general. Rock music was quite literally his rock. He found so much comfort in the sounds of loud guitar and heavy bass and gruff vocals. Being alone with his thoughts felt much less intimidating when he had some music to accompany him. And tonight, that was just what the doctor ordered. Nothing made Donatello feel more comforted than the sound of bass guitars and drum solos. It felt like being wrapped in cotton wool and his ears were full of delight. Actually, to say there was nothing he loved more than rock music was untrue.

Donatello Versus loved the stars, he always had done. He didn’t know a single thing about them, sure. Couldn’t even name a constellation. But being acquainted with the night sky and knowing every element of its past was not what he wanted anyway. Donatello simply appreciated those little dots millions of light years away being here for him no matter what. This was the purpose of tonight’s walk. Those negative thoughts were catching up to him, and with his brain so far down the rabbit hole of self deprecation, a night out with the stars was what this blonde haired boy needed to take a breather and escape from the harsh realities of life. His ideal spot for stargazing was the beach. He enjoyed the feeling of the soft sand beneath his dark jeans, feeling like a comforting hug from the earth. The sand would be starting to cool off after the long day of heat from the summer sun and the reflection of the moon against the surface of the tranquil sea as the last of the days waves crashed and faded against the golden grains of sand that surrounded him felt like heaven. Well, that’s what his idea of heaven would be. A plane of existence where only he existed, surrounded by the cosmic beauties in the sky, azure waves lapping against golden sands. Of course it felt other worldly. And being in another world was certainly better than being in his apartment with his two brothers. Though Versus would call it a ‘shit hole’ more than a house. The small apartment was pretty run down, all the furniture coming from those who lived there before. Not that the boys cared that much. They didn’t have the funds to buy new furniture. Plus a few broken springs and lack of seat padding on a sofa never killed anyone. In all honesty, Versus and Unaglo were just happy to even have a sofa. After having experienced the beds of prison, this beaten up piece of furniture that one would normally call trash was like lying on a pile of clouds to them. Though it seemed like Versus was annoyed at everything, he always appreciated little things like this. Though the furniture wasn’t the only thing that drove them crazy from time to time, it was more so their shower. The shower that Donatello Versus hated with a passion. When they had first moved in, it had taken him a while to learn how to use it, until he learned that he had to hold in the on switch for a while to get it going, then wait about the length of a shower to let the water heat up. The boys had learned the trick of putting the shower on 20 minutes before they wanted to wash so the shower was at a bearable temperature to clean themselves. It was no wonder Versus wanted out the house so often. And his time with the stars seemed to take his mind off it all and for even just a few moments, the weight of the world no longer sat heavy on his shoulders.

Versus often felt bad that his relationship with the stars was one sided. These celestial beauties gave him a chance to destress and clear his mind, yet he gave nothing in return. Though, what could he possibly give to the stars? Nothing really came close to the calmness of the night sky, so any offers to it were meaningless. Plus Donatello didn’t have much to give to anyone, let alone the night sky. With a heavy sigh, Donatello finally reached his usual spot on top of the sand dunes. It felt as though he had been walking for quite some time, and so he had. The sun was at the start of the setting period and golden flecks of fading sunlight were beginning to scatter across the sea, and Donatello felt the first wave of happiness today wash over him. Another sigh escaped his pale lips, though this time it was one of content as he sat himself down on the sand. Yep, just the right temperature that he liked, though he expected nothing less at this time in the evening. And so he got comfortable, laying back on the dunes, small blades of stray grass poking his back though it felt more like a itchy woollen blanket against his back. Not comfortable, but also not uncomfortable. With the summer sun fading fast, he got to experience all sorts of pastel colours; yellow to orange, pink to purple, and finally, to the deep blue he had been waiting for. It was around 8:30pm now, and there they were, his friends from hundreds of light years away.

Suddenly the reason for Donatello coming out tonight had slipped his mind. All the negative thoughts around his past that had been getting him down this evening seemed to melt into a little puddle of nothing. For the first time in a while, he felt free of the thoughts that had been keeping him prisoner. And he even felt grateful for his brothers in this moment. Sure they annoyed the hell out of him, but they weren’t that bad. The blonde couldn’t hold back the little smile that came to his face. It was a rare sight to see him smile, but he truly felt happy in this moment. “Thank you…” he whispered to the stars, though this moment of gratitude was also aimed at Rikiel and Unaglo. With his years of bad luck and prison cells, Versus had never really taken the time to think about the good place he was in now. Maybe his ‘shitty life’ wasn’t so shitty after all.

୨ ╭ ୨୧ ✦ ︶꒷꒦・⎯⎯・⎯⎯・₊ˎ✧๑

if you read all this thank you so much and i apologise for my poor skills in writing endings to my writing 😭

[pizza-is-my-buziness]

A prompt where Sam drags Deena into making a snowman. I need some cold weather and snow fluff please and thank you.

Sorry this one took so long, anon! When you sent it, it was still like 75 degrees here and very far from a cold weather mindset! Hopefully this will do as the first offering for the "now it's time to write winter stuff!" part of the year.

Also, for the record, I have never built a snowman.

When there’s a knock on the door, Deena debates not opening it. It’s probably one of the nosy neighbors complaining about how kids today have no initiative and she and Josh should be out shoveling everyone’s driveways or something like they’re extras on Leave it to Beaver and besides Deena is ridiculously comfortable, all bundled up in her hoodie and a blanket and cocooned on the couch watching Ricki Lake. But the knocking is insistent enough that it quickly becomes clear that whoever is on the other side isn’t going to be leaving any time soon and Josh is squirreled away in the basement doing whatever it is that Josh does and clearly the responsibility to be social falls on her. Yet again.

Josh seriously does not appreciate her enough.

Deena unwraps herself from her blanket cocoon and shuffles toward the door, bracing herself for the blast of air that will follow the second she cracks the door and for whatever is waiting for her on the stoop.

Of course, Deena thaws immediately when she sees the bundle of fabric that she assumes is her girlfriend, judging by the blonde hair and blue eyes emerging from the scarf wrapped around her and the pink hat pulled down over her ears.

“What are you doing?” Deena can’t stop herself from laughing at truly how absurd Sam looks right now, all bundled up in enough layers to make her look a bit like a marshmallow-y version of the Sam Fraser that she is in warmer weather. She reaches for Sam, pulling her inside and quickly closing the door. “Not to sound like this is not a welcome surprise because it most definitely is.”

Sam’s presence is always welcome; it’s almost ridiculous how just the sight of her can immediately make any situation better.

Sam’s nose is red, her cheeks pink with cold and there’s snow clinging to her boots and starting to melt in the living room and all of these things just somehow manage to make her all the more endearing.

“Come on,” Sam says and when she reaches for Deena’s hands with her gloved ones, the jolt is not of the usual type. Rather than the pleasant flutter and warmth that spreads through her whenever Sam’s hands are on her own, Deena is instead treated to the icy grip of winter that immediately makes her want to dive back into her blanket fort. “Let’s go. Outside.” She tugs Deena’s hand with a bit of impatience, a smile making an appearance on her frozen cheeks.

“Outside,” Deena repeats, glancing toward the front door like they might’ve somehow ended up transported to the Bahamas since the last time she’d checked. “You know it’s snowing, right?”

Sam rolls her eyes, reaching up to tug her hat from her head and leaving her already messy blonde tresses falling haphazardly across her flushed face. “Exactly. Why else do you think we’re going outside?”

Deena grimaces, shivering at just the idea of it. “Okay, how about a counter-offer? You’re here…I’m here…let’s stay on the couch and I can warm you up.”

Sam laughs, leaning closer and it really is too bad that there are all these layers between them and that Sam feels like an icicle. “Later,” she assures Deena. “Come on. When was the last time you actually went outside and had fun in the snow?”

“Hmm…never,” Deena says, and she puts her hands against Sam’s frozen cheeks despite the threat of frostbite. The things she does for love, and all that. “Do I look like the play in the snow type to you?” She tips her head toward the assortment of blankets still waiting on the couch. “I’m the hibernate until winter is over type.”

When Sam kisses her, even her lips feel like they’re ice cubes and seriously she should give into Deena’s offer to help her thaw out. It’s a public service, after all. Just looking at Sam is making her cold.

Or maybe it’s the sinking suspicion that she’s going to end up outside in the frigid wasteland that has become Shadyside, given the way that Sam is looking at her and her penchant for not being able to resist the way Sam looks at her. Ever.

“Deena,” Sam protests and the snowflakes that had clung to Sam’s lashes have finally melted, glittering there in the living room lamplight. “Don’t you want to build a snowman?”

Deena scrunches up her face. “Not…really.”

Sam sighs, shrugging, and taking a step back out of Deena’s personal space and really Deena misses the closeness of her even though it felt like trying to cuddle up to an ice block. “Okay. I guess I’ll just have to make do by myself.” She pulls her hat back on, trying to comb back her hair with her gloved fingers. “Just thought I’d ask.”

Sam is testing her. This much is obvious in the way that she hesitates, a faint grin on her face, waiting for Deena to jump in and assure her that she is, in fact, up for this perfectly logical activity for a bunch of high schoolers to do on a snow day.

So Deena just grins, crossing her arms over her chest, all too pleased to call her bluff. “Have fun. If you freeze to death, I’ll be really, really disappointed.”

Pressing her lips together, Sam glowers but there’s no weight to the gesture, especially not when it’s clear she’s trying not to smile and renew her efforts to convince Deena to come with her. “Fine.” She gives Deena another shrug, stepping back toward the door. “Have fun with…”

“Being warm,” Deena supplies with a smirk. “I definitely will, thanks.”

Sam gives her one final look, tucking her scarf back into place right before she pulls open the door and steps back outside again, taking the chill with her. Deena waits a beat, two, fully anticipating Sam to throw the door open once more and change course, admitting that Deena’s idea of how to spend the afternoon is far better.

But…nothing. Just the crunch of footsteps that slowly get quieter and farther away and…nothing. No Sam. No admitting that being outside really is a terrible idea. No cuddling in a blanket fort. Nothing.  

Deena frowns, crossing the room toward the window and pressing her forehead to the glass, staring through the frosty pane and out into the yard. Sam is crouched in the yard, currently gathering up a pile of snow with her gloves and packing it together like it’s completely normal to just go around building snowmen in people’s yards when you could be inside cuddling with your girlfriend on the couch instead.

Well. Just because Sam has a taste for winter activities does not mean that Deena has to participate. And just because they live in Ohio does not mean that she has to be okay with feet of snow piled up outside her house and turning everything into an Artic wasteland that no one in their right mind would be outside in.

No, she’s smarter than that. She has heat and blankets and daytime TV.

Deena watches as Sam continues packing the snow together for a moment longer before turning around and flopping back down on the couch. Maybe they’ve got some hot chocolate in the pantry so that she can be ready to help Sam warm up once she’s decided that she’s had enough and that Deena was right all along.

Deena pulls the blanket back over her lap, turning her focus back to the television…and lasting about twenty more seconds before groaning and throwing off the blanket once more. She marches toward the closet, grabbing out her jacket and the mittens and assorted other winter gear that Deena dreads having to need every year. And here she is, putting it on to go outside and play in the snow. By choice.

When the door opens and closes, Sam glances in her direction, grinning at the sight of her. And even though she doesn’t say I told you so, Deena is pretty sure she’s thinking it. And she’s pretty sure that Sam can tell the scowl on her face is mostly for show as she stomps her way through the snow and in Sam’s direction.

“The base is almost done,” Sam says in a tone that suggests that she’d known that Deena was always going to come out here and join her and goddamn it she probably did.

Of course she did. Even looking into those blue eyes right now, especially with the snowflakes that have gathered in her hair and on her cheeks, makes Deena want to do anything that Sam asks.

Even…

“You really want to make a snowman?”

Sam shrugs, standing up and brushing snow off her knees. “It could be a snowwoman.”

Deena rolls her eyes, grinning. “This is completely ridiculous. You know that, right?”

“Definitely.” Sam grins, draping her arms over Deena’s shoulders and leaning into her. “But it’s kinda fun.”

This time, Deena’s lips are just as cold as Sam’s when they brush together and she isn’t sure if the shiver that travels down her spine is because of the cold or because it’s Sam or both. Her hands settle on Sam’s hips and she swears that the sudden heat that floods her body when Sam kisses her again is enough to melt all the snow around them and leave them standing in a ring of green.

Or, at the very least, it leaves her feeling hot beneath her scarf.

It doesn’t take long before Deena can’t feel her hands or her cheeks or any other part of her body, her mittens and the toes of her boots damp with melting snow as she gathers and packs and rolls snow into the shape of the middle section of the snowman that Sam is determined to create. But there’s also the added benefit of getting to be here, in this completely ridiculous moment, with Sam, listening to the sound of her laughter and memorizing the way her eyes crinkle at the edges when she smiles. It’s a sight that is more than enough to warm her from the inside out.

As Deena carefully settles the head of the snowman onto the lopsided body they’ve created, Sam goes kicking her way through the yard in an effort to find sticks and rocks buried beneath the blanket of snow and by the time she’s left the yard looking far from a pristine winter wonderland, all she has to show for her efforts are a pair of scraggly twigs and a single rock.

“It can be a cyclops,” Deena says decisively, taking the rock from Sam and trying to fit it into the center of the snowman’s…face.

The rock falls back into the snow just as quickly and Sam laughs while Deena retrieves it, trying to jam it back into place with enough force for it to stick this time.

And, it seems, enough force to knock the entire snowman down and back to the ground, where it crumbles into dozens of tiny snowdrifts.

Sam looks at her, lifting her eyebrows, and Deena sighs, taking in the ruined efforts of all their work. “Maybe we can find a magic top hat around here or something.”

Sam reaches for her hand, tossing aside the now useless twigs. “Or maybe that’s a sign that we need to call it a day.”

“Now you’re talking.” Deena tightens her grip around Sam’s hand, already starting to pull her back toward the house. “Because I think I have frostbite on at least four of my fingers.”

“Sounds a like a very serious issue,” Sam says as they walk up the front stoop, trying to stomp their boots free of snow. “What was that you were saying earlier about finding a way to warm ourselves up?”

Deena grins, pulling Sam in behind her as she walks back into the house. “I just might have a few thoughts on that.”

[hellsangelbaby]

i wrote a piece about this very feeling while traveling a few months ago

On my middle flight to Montana I sat snug between two men. One slight, in all black, an air of casual calm femininity present. The other a short older man in a charcoal brown suit. Upon a long session of taxiing, I was able to start reading. Anxious from our delayed flight due to over capacity, music didn’t feel right or just. If we were going down, I didn’t want to be oblivious. Once moving with more integrity, the lights suddenly dropped, only an abnormal blue mingled with little skylight from a small window a row or two down. I read like this for a bit, rather causing blindness in myself than choosing to turn on an overhead light in the middle seat. But at accidental glance, I noticed the man in black to my left looking at my page, assessing the light. He, at the time, having already started a film (La La Land). In seeing me he, without flinching, opens not one but both windows within his reach, suddenly flooding our section of the aircraft with light. We topple over each other with words, him, I assume, asking me, Is that alright? While I urgently mutter, But can you still see? He has to ask me what I’ve said, and I repeat my stumbling words. 

Earlier in the day, a TSA agent laughed after glancing at my ID. I asked him what was amusing, and he croaks that he expected me to be much younger, sixteen or seventeen. Older men claiming this almost always feels teetering on crude, a freudian slight of lust for plump pimply adolescents. I didn’t except you to be so old. Maybe that colored the rest of my day, as I have remained feeling young and small ever since. Causing myself to wonder if everyone that sees me drinks in my perpetually worried grimace in motion. Chewing on a lip when self conscious enough to remember people may be looking at them, made small from dehydration. I mash them together now at the thought.

Hours later we leave the aircraft together, and walk to our separate terminals in a similar direction. I’m overwhelmed with the urge to ask him his name, what he does, what his life is like, why his phone was set to black and white, how he did that, and ultimately to thank him for his kindness. In the moment I was overtaken with the urge to cry at the simple act of kindness. I’ve known people for years, my whole life, that have not shown me that kind of attention and grace. I do not find the right moment to approach, hustling to my next destination in fear of missing my final connection, but I remain thinking of him, and being overwhelmingly curious and grateful. 

For my final flight I was seated next to a blonde father and his young son. He picked School of Rock to watch, enthusiastically, and I was overcome with the urge to touch his head and land a small kiss where my touch left. It is very late at this point, and I unknowing of everyone else’s day of travel. Children on flights fill me with an overwhelming maternal urge that makes me forget about my own self, which is something I need in times like that. They matter more than me, and it’s helpful to obtain that mindset. An exercise in protection and letting go. Later, throughout tremendous turbulence, the child stays calm and cool, seemingly unaffected. Only a few glances towards his father. My eyes are bright and wild, hands gripping my seat and stomach somewhere lodged in my throat. I try to calm for the boy, or alternately, try and absorb some of his calm, close my eyes, and pray for safe descent.

the overwhelming feeling of sadness sometimes when someone treats me with kindness

[myristicisms]

It's always been mortifying, the way he instinctively froze whenever fingers would brush against his chest, clothed or not, it didn't seem to matter who either. Intentional, accidental, someone he knew or didn't know, regardless of the facts it always led to the same result, back going ram rod straight, lips pursing and cutting off whatever he might have been saying if he was even speaking to begin with, and eyes going dull for just a moment. He could be basking in tender affection one moment and then completely disassociate the next and it was something he's come to absolutely hate about himself. It wasn't fair in any capacity to himself nor to those around him and especially not Cloud. There's still things he didn't tell the blonde, things he refused to simply because he didn't want to pull bad memories back into their otherwise happy-ish life and yet the man was too observant, too knowing.

Nobody knew Zack's mannerisms quite like Cloud Strife did, and while normally that was a point of pride or some odd delight, now it was a bit of a problem. Most others would brush him off, it's just Zack being Zack rather than wondering why he's so stiff compared to his usual relaxed posture or why his smile doesn't quite reach his hazed eyes. Unfortunately, the blonde wasn't even close to being like other people, while he feigned indifference, there was a heart of gold in the other just as large albeit more protected than his own and the former SOLDIER really can't blame his partner for noticing something was up with him. He shrugs, tries to feign being fine despite everything in his body demanding he run, demanding he hide away before going into further overdrive and the urge to do a thorough check on the blonde only deepens that pit in his stomach.

He's dropping again, an old and ugly mindset slowly coming back just because he couldn't get his goddamn brain to function as it used to, couldn't force it to understand that he's safe and that the gentle brush of fingers against his ribs wasn't because they were about to dig into his flesh and rip away what's underneath, it was merely just a touch, a loving graze, there was nothing dangerous about it so why did it send him on high alert? “ A little bit, I'll be okay though. ” He whispers, tries to convince himself more than he does Cloud because if he can't calm himself down there's no telling what might happen. Having these little freak outs was rare, it's why he still hasn't figured out how to cope with them quite yet and it's why it's all the more embarrassing that he's trying so hard to hide his panic.

The raven haired man sees the look upon the blonde's features, knows it's concern and further questioning and he hates hiding things from him. “ Just... Bad memories is all, sometimes I get scared I'm still back in the labs and me walking around and just... Being with you is all some sort of messed up drug induced dream while Hojo digs around inside of me again and I'm terrified that I'll wake up and we'll both still be there and you won't be responsive. ” And it's ridiculous to think because he never dreamt so vividly if at all during his time beneath the ruins of Nibelheim, if he were stuck in a dreamlike state why would he dream up nearly dying? None of it made sense to the logical side of his brain but to his instincts it made perfect sense. “ Don't worry about it though, 'kay? I know I'm awake and I'm alive and you're awake and alive too and we're happy and together. Just... My brain’s bein' dumb. ”

@arcanecast | Cloud Strife;;

"You look uncomfortable. "

[everythingbap]

🎤 ALLKPOP: B.A.P opens up about their mission and what sets them apart

"We have come to conquer Earth!"

It's a strange phrase to be sure, as it's mostly heard in sci-fi movies from evil villains or aliens from outer space. But being extraordinary is something that rookie group�B.A.P ('Best Absolute Perfect') is determined to become, and so the phrase has turned into their personal mission statement.

The six member group -- comprised of leader�Bang Yong Guk, Zelo, Himchan, Youngjae, Jongup, and Daehyun --�sat down with Star News recently to discuss their dreams and goals.

The interview began with the reporter's observation that the rookie group's start has been as bold as their ambition. So far, B.A.P managed to draw 3,000 fans to their debut showcase and ranked in the top 10 on Billboard's 'World Album Chart' -- all indicating�that�their debut has not been like that of a typical idol group.

Leader Bang Yong Guk stated, "Our six members' unified dream is 'world domination'. We really want to become a world group. Although it's a goal that's far into the future, the dreams we currently hold are to stand on MTV's World Stage in Malaysia as the representatives of Korea. Since our debut album is now out, we want to show everything that we've been preparing."

Their debut album, 'Warrior', contains the title track of the same name, in addition to 'Burn It Up', 'Unbreakable', and 'Secret Love' (featuring SECRET's Song Ji Eun). The representative track of the album, "Warrior", contains lyrics critical of society, a move that steps away from the 'love song trend' found in other male idol groups.

Himchan explained the process of how their album came to life. "When we work, we consult each other. While figuring out our first musical direction, we told ourselves to not do the same music as everyone else. That's why we wondered how it would be if we incorporated a weighty topic like one that criticizes society; that is how 'Warrior' was born. I want to keep singing songs that have morals to them."

Bang Yong Guk added, "All six of us all hate following what others do. Rather than following someone else, we want to be a team that is followed by others. We practiced day and night before our debut to be noticed as such a group."

Were the 'six aliens' able to meet their target goals? If the number of fans is any indication, they've already attracted over 18,000 registered members onto their official fan cafe.�Their album has also sold 10,000 copies within two days.

B.A.P's performances have shown a charisma rarely seen from other idol groups, leading many to question if this group called B.A.P is truly a rookie. From their powerful choreography to their intense gazes, the boys sing and rap their way through a climactic performance.

Their powerful energy has even caused the stage to give way. During their pre-recording for SBS' 'Inkigayo', the stage was unable to withstand Bang Yong Guk's "step performance" and gave way beneath his feet.

Jongup stated, "Whenever we stand on stage, something always breaks. In a recent recording, two mic packs were damaged, and we even cut open our hands. We never realize that our bodies have been hurt until the performance ends. When we're up on stage performing, we're so focused that we aren't able to feel that we've been hurt."

The members revealed, "When we stand on stage, rather than being nervous, we shiver with excitement."

Although the group has already proven themselves as quite capable of accomplishing their mission, they still hold onto a humble mindset.

Himchan acknowledged that they still have ways to go. "Since all six of us are blondes, even fans get confused about our names. So we should probably get our names out there first before we're able to conquer Earth. (laughs) We want to become a team that leads the trends in areas like fashion, music, and dance. For 2012 in particular, we hope everyone will become blondes and use B.A.P's choreography to diet."

Bang Yong Guk described the versatility of their musical style with, "We are currently a white canvas that any picture can be drawn on." He continued, "All the members love African-American music filled with soul. If I can be born again, I'd like to be born as an African-American and do music."

Source + Photo: Star News

[anemia-rp]

It’s not the only thing stopping me,but oddly it’s the biggest thing.I hate being cold.

I think the dimple ones are really cute,especially for girls.I don’t think I’ve ever seen that before,it doesn’t sound like my cup of tea but if they like it then cool for them.Oh I’ve seen someone get the white part of their eye tattooed a really pretty blue,it looked cool but you’re right,totally not worth the chance of being blind.

There’s just something about a nice voice that’s kind of attractive,especially when they have that authority sound or are that kind of deep voice that gives you chills.I could understand why they’d be surprised,if someone has soft facial features you kind of just expect a soft voice too.I don’t think I’ve ever had people say anything about my voice,other than about me singing.

I mean I guess I’m comfortable with my body since I’ve done modeling,but I guess sometimes I can be a little self conscious but I think that’s just natural.

We’ve all got people that have bad things to say about us so that wouldn’t stop me.I like to form an opinion of someone one my own.

Really,that’s actually my favorite of my dresses!I also have a really nice black one but the blue one is my favorite.

I like cold weather. I hate the heat. Not a surprise probably for someone of my kind though. When I can wear my leather jacket or my furry coat I'm content.

There are sclera contact lenses, I'd rather go for such than tattoo the eye. And that's when I'm actually rather preferring stuff that lasts forever than temporary ones but in that case…nope. Didn't you have all white eyes on some pics? Can you roll them back like that? 'Cause I can and I find this a weirdly appealing look. The more unhinged the better.

Guess I've got the kind of voice that radiates authority. Otherwise the clan members wouldn't listen to me. But there's more to that. The voice alone doesn't do the trick. You need to radiate it with your whole body language and be convinced about your effect. I can't sing instead, so if you've got a nice singing voice that precious.

Yeah. Without all my body mods I wouldn't really like my body either. Plain and skinny, nothing special.

I like that mindset. Always see for yourself and not blindly believe someone.

Blue suits you best I guess. Blue and blonde is a good match. But white and a soft pink would probably flatter you, too. I like it when delicate people highlight it even more how delicate they are.