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blingblong55 · 1 year ago

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Now that we don't talk- Simon 'Ghost' Riley

A/N: funny enough...these two drivers are no longer with the girls in these pictures. also, this is not me telling you how reader looks like

--- F!Reader, angst, established!relationship, F1 au, F1 driver!Simon, cheating ---

A/N: watched the Las Vagas shit show of a race and then got inspired....so here's this shit mess of a fic

He was the guy every girl wanted, from the teens to the older women, yet he held your hand on the red carpet at that award show. He kissed you in yachts and danced with you in galas and ballrooms. Paraded your name when he won races. You were everywhere, from tea pages, to fan-made edits and now you're here, stuck in a hotel room, waiting for him. For the past seven months, he's kept you hidden, like you were some kind of repunzel. Never to be let out of the tower unless it was by him. He had what every driver and fan wanted in their lives, fame, wealth, social status, a gorgeous and supportive girlfriend and the way he was the best at his job.

They always say to look for the smallest of clues, that's why, all the tabloids talked about how he 'had it all'. Now, he took out the girlfriend part and added Playboy to the list.

Three months before you and him announced your split, he sat down with you. Told you all the truths he kept from you. Your tears well up in that pretty face of yours. "I started to see other women, that was nine months ago, in Spain, that's why I told you to stay at the hotel," his eyes too teared up. It took a lot to not slap him, scream and yell at him for being such a man slut, but you needed to hear it, needed to know the truth before the internet did. He took a deep breath, "I...there's been at least ten different women, I've slept with more but...only those ten did I take to race weekends instead of you." His eyes, full of regret look at you. "When did you stop loving me?" Your question caught him off guard. "I...I think it was a year ago but I thought it was me being anxious over that whole contract thing and having to move and...I'm sorry, I shouldn't make excuses for my actions," he looks down.

You nod, not daring to look at him anymore. "I'm sorry, R/N," his voice small. "No, I'm sorry," you respond and he looks at you confused. "What do you mean by that?" He questions you. "I'm sorry for falling in love, for being a fool and seeing myself with you for the rest of my life. I'm sorry for trusting you were sleeping alone when I wasn't there...I'm sorry I wasn't enough to make you stay...or to be patient enough and end it like a real man would," you play with your phone's edge. You look at him, finally. "Why did you keep me hidden?" He shakes his head at that question. "The times you were there, the other women were there too," he confesses and your heart stops. "...oh," your voice is small, so soft and filled with so much woe.

"I...I guess I should go," You stand up. "I'm sorry I wasn't what you deserved, I hope you find a man who treats you like you are the universe to him, I hope he kisses you in public and I wish you happiness, I'm sorry." He stands up too and walks you to the door.

A month later, you and him confirmed the rumour. "Formula 1 driver Simon Riley and long-time girlfriend [R/N], have announced their split on a joint social media statement." The article read. Your phone is on silent as you reread the message you put out to the world. "To the fans, it is time we confirm that we are no longer together. We have grown apart and it's time we grow up and move on to new parts of our lives. We will always love each other, together or not but our relationship has run its course. All our gratitude for the six years of acceptance, Simon and [R/N]." Your eyes glistened with sorrow as you shook your head.

For days, you stayed indoors. Cried, looked through memories, private ones the world never saw. What did he do? He was photographed in clubs, hand on a woman's waist, drunk kisses, alcohol, tight dresses and that new title, "F1's playboy." He kept winning, getting more fame and having his name all over the world. Meanwhile, you walk the streets alone. You were there for when he was accepted in F3 and when he moved to F2, even were the shoulder he leaned on all the years he waited to become an F1 driver.

His bed was never the same, neither was his flat. It was no longer cosy, no longer comforting after a bad or long day. His bed missed the warmth of it. His lips missed the consistent pecks after he gave you a pouty lip when you denied staying up late on race day. What did he miss the most? You, all of you and that was soon to be shown. That Playboy facade was for show, inside, all he wanted was to stop being seen with so many women. He wanted one and quickly, his team noticed. He stopped showing up at parties, and clubs and stopped talking to all the women who weren't there for official business or if they weren't a fan who asked for an autograph or picture.

That mask only stayed on for eight months, thirteen days and four hours. He stopped showing off his wealth, dressed in only team attire, comfy clothes, or in suits and ties. His bed was empty most nights, his right cheek was no longer stained with the red lipstick you left at every little accomplishment he made. He fixed his image and unfollowed any woman who wasn't important in his career, except one, you.

And as he did this, all you saw were the old tabloids. Him all over women. You dated off the light the media gave you, you kept your nights away from sight, fixed and resolved all your problems and then, by some cruel mistake, you saw him. Jogging by your place. For some twisted way, your heartbeat fastened. It brought you back to when you'd time him before the season started. That's where the kiss on the right cheek came from. A towel-dried that side of his face, just so you could kiss it. This happened all through your relationship. And, on some Wednesday, a friend invited you to attend the last race of the season.

You attended, not just because of the invite but because it was a promise. "When I win most if not all races I want you to go, be waiting for me, look up to the podium because my love, that entire season will be yours," he, one night whispered to you. And there you were, in that garage, wearing a hat, his number on it as you watched the qualification. The cameras awaited to capture you and him kissing, but none of that happened, not even a glance from you to him.

"Riley takes pole, all eyes on him to see if he breaks yet another record," the commentator said. And as he sat there, he thought of you. The good luck kiss, the pat on his helmet before any race. And holding hands when walking to the paddock. It was a ritual, something he held holy to him. If only he could prove he is the man you now deserve if he could get out of his car, run to you and confess a speech he memorised. The one that said all the truth, the one in which he tells you that just in your first year being together, he had a ring picked out, the same one he kept in every coat for when the time was right. And there was that mistake, one fatal one that cost him his Mrs. Riley. Every single second was the right time, every stare, every kiss, every laugh, the whispers, the running from the cameras, it was always you, it was always the right time when with you.

Simon Riley, world champion, world record breaker, the man every driver wants to be this year, now claiming every single race of that season as he walked to that podium. And, in a crowd of friends, teammates, fans and cameras, he looked for you. National anthems played and as he was about to lose hope, he saw you there, the spot he told you to stand in for when the day came. You look up, and the cameras pan to you and him. That stare, oh that stare that spoke the romance no other book or poet could explain. His smile widened, gaze softened when he noticed you cried. Proud of the man who made his dreams come true.

Maybe you weren't there for all the days he drove but that engagement ring, that symbolised you, was there for all of them. You give him a nod and his smile widens.

"I'll do it, I swear one day, I'll be added to the list of legends who came before me and when I do, I need you there, my love," he kissed you. "And when I do, you nod at me, that's how I'll know you are proud of me," he whispered.

As the night came to an end, the photos, flashes, and signatures, all rushed to come and find you. He needed his right cheek kissed and maybe this time it wouldn't be his lips but to just feel you next to him, that fed him enough. He spotted you and as he ran to you, he stopped in his tracks.

One month, two days and three hours. That is how late he was to you. His gaze was now filled with tears as he saw you hold another hand. A woman, looking for nothing but sex approached him and he declined. "Why not?" She questioned him. "I have a fiancé," he said coldly and moved away from her. He looked down, at a paper, written by his poetic hand, a small box, made by him with the help of some carpenter, all gripped as he swore he would not give up. Not ever, especially when he knows that in this life, he was meant for one woman. Maybe he did fuck up, maybe he will be forever alone but to know that for one second he held you in his arms, that was enough.

He nodded and sighed, "Is it over now?" he thought. "No," your heart would've responded for you. As he turns and walks away, you look back and you notice that box. Your heart...oh that tingle that makes you feel alive. Maybe it was all in his head, maybe he wasn't late...maybe. "Simon!" you called out, the crowd too loud for him to hear you. Your friend lets go of your hand. "Simon!" you move through the crowds. "Simon, stop!" You push and run. Adrenaline, maybe not like the one he has after every race but it's still something. He walks away, getting into a car and looking at that piece of paper.

No one heard of him for months. No one heard of you for months.

My love, my R/N, I made a mistake. Not cheating but one that is worse, pretending I didn't call you my wife to everyone else. A vow I made in my head, a wedding night I planned one night as we made love. Truth is, no, I didn't cheat. No, I didn't sleep with anyone when I was with you. What happened was, I noticed it. I noticed how you paused your life for mine, how you took care of me, how you made sure I ate healthy, slept enough, and got used to different time zones, all whilst giving your life no attention. I was 17 when we first met, you and I, an accidental 'Hi' one that gave me the privilege of falling in love with the woman who knows me better than anyone else. I've known you for a decade now, loved you for nine of those years, and made you my girlfriend for five of them. I wore that title with pride. By the way, didn't you ever question why everyone called you my wife or Mrs. Riley? Funny how you didn't even ask me about it. I admit, I was only at those clubs looking for you, I didn't drink but pretended to, I kissed their cheeks, made it look like I kissed their lips. In my head, I was married. I am married. Called you my little wife when you patted my helmet to the mechanics, they laughed. I did sleep with other women, I confess to that but I didn't kiss them, didn't care for their pleasure, not when I promised it was your pleasure...just yours that mattered to me. Did you keep my locket? I hope you did, if not...it's fine, we'll find a new one and start fresh. I know you are wondering, why I can't let you talk as I give this speech and I know you are crying, your lips quiver as I confess. It's a reason why I haven't looked up from this piece of paper. I can't see you cry, you know that. I am begging, begging as an imbecile, to have you again. To prove that I never cheated, I lied about doing it but never did. You'd think I'd be crazy to cheat on a crazy girl like you? Baby, that was a joke, although...you are a little crazy but I still love you. I love you...yeah...yeah, I do. I know you are asking, when will this stupid man stop talking and it's now. Well, wait...just let me say this. Marry me, marry me so I don't have to pretend anymore. So...please, be kind to my bastard heart and marry me.

A/N: you know well a Kasper fic isn't a Kasper angst fic if it doesn't end in a 'but are they together? did he die? did she die?' way

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logical-grave · 2 months ago

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✧ Pretty little thing ✧ Ch. 3

♡ Pairing ♡ - Rafe Cameron x Plus Size!Reader

♡ Warnings ♡ - Smut ofc, angst, asshole!Rafe, Semi-Public sex, unprotected sex (they never learn), dirty talk, crude language, creampie.

♡ A/N ♡ - I'm so sorry i disappeared! I promise I'm trying to do better! Hopefully this fic makes up for it lol. Lmk what you think! Definitely some repeated writing lol but I’m trying to improve!!!

♡ Word count ♡ - 3.1k

♡ Part 1, Part 2 ♡

When I told Rafe of the camera, he shrugged it off and bit into his sandwich, crumbs falling down his chin onto his plate. “Rafe, we could be charged with public indecency. I could lose my job too.” I cross my arms as I look at him.

He gave me a blank look and took another bite of his sandwich, hunched over it with his elbows rudely taking up the space on either side of him.

“I’m just not sure what the fuck you expect me to do about it.” He shrugged, tossing a chip into his mouth. He reacted more when I took it upon myself to come over unannounced, but now it seems like he couldn’t care less.

I hated how nonchalant he was being about this whole situation, and it just spoke volumes at how untouchable he thinks he is. I guess if you’re as rich as he is, you start to actually believe it.

I stared at him in disbelief, annoyance brewing internally. “Besides, I’ve been wanting to record us having sex for a while.” He casually drops and the urge to jump over the kitchen island and choke him surges through me, but I don’t act on it.

Rafe finishes his sandwich and stands up, placing his plate in the dishwasher before leaning against the counter and looking at me. “If you really want me to get rid of it, I'll see what I can do.” He sighs, rubbing a hand over his face as if he’s being inconvenienced.

I give him a fake smile and grab my keys off the counter. “Was that so hard?” The comment comes off harsher than intended, but he’s pissed me off too much in the past half hour alone, and I’ve reached my limit. I turn the corner of the kitchen, but a chest in my view stops me. I look up, and I’m met with the heavy gaze of Mr. Cameron, Rafe’s father.

“Hello sir.” I step to the side to allow him to walk past me, and he smiles as he looks between Rafe and I. “Well, who’s this, Rafe?”

Mr. Cameron places a hand on my shoulder, leading me back closer to my previous position. “She’s my…friend. And she was just leaving.” He says with his arms crossed. Jeez, I’ve never had such a warm introduction. I could tell he wasn’t keen on introducing me to his father, adding to the list of reasons to not be happy with my unexpected visit.

Mr. Cameron turns to me, his eyes shifting over different points of my face as if to determine if I was attractive enough to be in the vicinity of his son.

“Rose was just about to make some lunch, why don’t you join us?” He asks, and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up, an underlying feeling telling me it wouldn't be wise to stay. “Thank you, sir, but I should really get going, as I have work soon.”

I politely declined, soothing the goosebumps that arose on my arm, and I started past him, but his hand on my shoulder stopped me again. “The country club, correct? I thought I recognized you from somewhere.” He inquires and I nod, looking at Rafe and hoping he can hear my soft plea of getting me out of this.

“I’ll walk you out.” Rafe pushes off the counter and towards me, gripping my elbow, but his father doesn’t move his hand.

“I insist, sweetie.” He says and I hold back a grimace, my mind connecting him to the club creep that almost got Rafe to risk his membership. “No, thank you. I should get going.” I chuckle dryly, sliding closer to Rafe’s side and Mr. Cameron’s hand drops to his side, giving up his hold on me. “Well, you’re always welcome here.” He winks as Rafe pulls me toward the entrance of his house before I could respond, thankful he did so.

“You’re hurting me.” I pout as I look at his tight hold on my elbow, the squeeze making me feel like a child being scolded by her parents. He doesn’t let go until we reach my car, the pain subsiding as I inspect my arm for any bruising.

It hurt less when he held me like that when we were fucking. “Don’t do this shit again,” He wags his finger in my face. “I don’t need you showing up at my house with my fucking family here.”

I faced him with an angry expression, ready to open my mouth before shutting it. “Got it.” I mutter, my fist clenching around my keys, the dull metal subtly digging into my skin.

The fifteen hundred he had given me the week prior was nice and I didn't want to risk potentially lowering my allowance by opening my mouth. It’s one of the things I know for a fact Rafe hates about me yet, I persist.

I reach for the handle of my car, beginning to open it until Rafe reaches over my head and shuts it. I turn as he sighs and pinches the skin between his eyebrows before looking into my eyes. “I- Just, my dad is weird when it comes to any girl he sees around me. He thinks they're trying to get money out of all the time.” The corner of his lip upturns as a chuckle sounds from him.

Slowly, I nod and pull on the handle of my car once more, this time he doesn’t stop me. I sit in my seat but Rafe stands, holding my door open and leaning towards me with his arm resting on the roof of my car.

“I want to see you later. I’ll meet you down at the dock, one o’clock.” He slyly grins, hooking his finger under my chin like he did not too long ago, pressing his lips against mine. It was a new practice he started and he always initiated. I’ve thought about it, yet when I start to lean in, a big red X appears over his perfectly structured face and I stop myself. Rafe parts from me and I push away his face with a chuckle. “I’ll see you, Cameron.”

I shut the door and pulled out of his driveway, glancing at him as he watched me go.

—

My fingers crossed through his hair as I ran my nails over his scalp once again. Sometimes, he enjoyed the effortless intimacy of his head in my lap. His arm wrapped around my ass to meet his other arm resting under my legs. I knew the weight of my legs would put his arm to sleep in seconds but he didn’t care. In fact, I think he loved the prick of a million tiny needles in his arm as it fell asleep as long as he got to cradle me like this.

Maybe I’m just telling myself that. Either way as the yacht slowly rocks from the subtle waves of the marsh, he closes his eyes and we settle into the domestic atmosphere that surrounds us, slightly tipsy from the forgotten bottle of Jack Daniel’s we tossed back and forth.

He sighs, his breath breezing over my thigh as I look down at him, taking in his sharp cheekbones and lips that look ready to be kissed. His hand on my ass cheek twitches, almost as if he was making sure I was still here, even in his supposed sleep. His other hand under my legs moved to rest on the side of my thigh as I gasped softly when he hugged me closer to him. Even now, I wondered how the hard fiberglass base of the boat was comfortable for the rest of his body.

Rafe sighs again, this time his eyes open, blinking the sleep away. He tilts his head up, resting his chin on my thigh and pulling me closer to him again. “Rafe, we should head back.” I suggest, my fingers rake down his scalp and slip under the neckline of his shirt, scratching his back. He groans under his breath, not acknowledging what I had said earlier, instead relishing in the feeling of my nails scraping on the smooth skin of his back.

I stop, making him open his eyes again and look up at me. He moves up now and I sit back on the heels of my feet as he sidles up close to my side, his hand resting behind me, supporting his weight, his chest close to my shoulder. Personal space, be damned. I turn my head and look at him, my hand cupping his cheek as he stares at me. “What?” I look at him and he shakes his head slightly. I would’ve missed it if I hadn’t had my hand on his cheek. I watch his eyes wander over my cheeks, down to my lips, even lower to my chin and finally my eyes.

And then, he leans in, pressing the soft plump of his lips against mine. His eyes are closed before mine are and I inhale deeply as we kiss. My skin tingles with his lips against mine, the way he kisses is almost methodical yet sloppy with need. He deepens the kiss, his tongue pushing past the seam of my mouth, licking my tongue with his own when he turns his head a particular way.

His hand wanders, as it always does to my breast, squeezing me through the lace fabric of my dress, pinpointing exactly where my nipple is, causing it to perk up. The kiss turns wet, our mouths gliding against each other as his hold becomes more insistent. His hand smoothes down my side to my hip before clenching his hand on the lace of my dress and pulling me into his lap, the sound of the small rips of his fingernails digging into lace is lost on both of us. I straddled him now, hiking the skirt of my dress higher up my thighs where both of his hands rested.

I don’t even acknowledge the anxiety of being too heavy to sit on his lap, his hold feeling so familiar, it’s as if I’m supposed to be here. His lips trail kisses down my jaw to my neck, almost considerate of where he places them. He nuzzles his face into my neck, inhaling deeply as his hands grip the round of my ass cheeks, grinding his crotch against my own.

“Fuck— I need you.” His voice is breathless, desperate, almost as if he’s begging me. He palms at my ass cheeks again, spreading them open to grind up against me once more, making me gasp at the friction he offers as my clit rubs against the rough denim fabric of his jeans.

He pushes the rest of my dress up, bunching it at my waist, groaning when he sees I’m bare as he’s requested of me. His eyes are dark again, almost black like an abyss, the lust that’s clouding his mind clearly marking his intentions. Rafe tugs on the strap of my dress, pulling it down my shoulder until it snaps against my skin, the rip of the seams making me gasp softly against his lips.

He grunted in triumph, it seemed. As if the strap of my dress was a harsh reminder that I wasn’t completely naked yet. “Rafe,” His name is shallow in my throat, making me think nothing more should come from my mouth other than breathy moans, the kind he drew out of me. Rafe pulled down on the top of my dress, exposing my breasts to him, my other strap tearing as well.

He continues to leave sloppy kisses down my neck before roughly palming my tit and kneading it. He rolls my perked nipple between his lips, his tongue gliding over it in a disrespectful tease and I wince, pulling on his hair, making him smirk. “So responsive…”

Rafe parts from me, tugging off his shirt and discarding it behind himself, his other hand already struggling with his jeans. I sit back on his lap as he hooks his fingers to slide his jeans down to his knees, his cock springing up with a bead of pre-cum running down his shaft. His tip had a purple tint, almost pleading to be taken care of. “See what you fuckin’ do to me?” He groans, his hands pulling my hips to hover over his cock, making me shakily gasp. He winces as he slides the tip of his cock through my folds, splitting them as he taps my clit, making me mewl softly. My nails dig into the tan skin of his shoulders as I slowly and cruelly sink down on his cock. “Fuuuck.”

His arm wraps around my waist as he eases me down until I bottom out, a shudder running up my spine as I feel the slight burn of his cock stretching me out. “Oh, fuck.” I feel myself blush, a harsh breath leaving my lips as he fills me up. Rafe’s hands fall onto my hips, his eyes half-lidded as he looks me over. “Fuck, you look so good sitting on my cock.” He mutters, his hand pulling on the lace of my dress again, the fabric ripping from his harsh grip.

“R-really?” I ask nervously, biting my lip as I whimper softly, my hips moving on their own volition as I ride him. He flexes his hips upward, burying himself deeper inside me as he grins up at me. “Oh, fuck yes..." He murmurs, his thumbs caressing my skin. “Look at how you take me..."

He’s hurting me, I think. His fingers are digging deep into my hips but it only feels like a slight push, the pleasure clouding my mind doesn’t allow me to register it. Rafe grunts as he straightens up, meeting my hips with an upward thrust, his breathing growing heavier with each one. “Come on, lean back for me.” He pants, his hold on my hips loosening, almost reluctantly to allow me to support myself on my knees.

Leaning back, I give Rafe a better view of his cock disappearing inside me, making him groan at the sight, his bruising grip returning to my hips again. “You look so beautiful like this.” He says in a strangled tone, his hand reaching up to press on the sides of my throat before splaying out on my chest. I let out small gasping pants as Rafe drove into me faster, his arms hugging me closer to him, causing me to arch my back, presenting my tits to his mouth. My thighs burn from being held open so long but I ignore it, too infatuated with his touch. Rafe hums, suckling on one of my nipples as his thrusts become punishing, my head falling back as I feel myself slipping into my orgasm. “Not yet,” Rafe pants, “I don’t wanna stop.”

His words come out akin to a whine or a desperate plea, enough to make my orgasm attempt to still. My eyes fall onto his as I feel all thoughts of reason leave my mind, my lips opening to speak but the words come out quicker than I realize.

“I love you.”

My mouth hangs open as I process my words. Rafes expression falters, his pace almost hesitant to stop but he doesn’t. Instead, he drops his head in the crook of my neck, grunting softly as I feel his teeth nip at my skin. His hold on me strengthens, almost painful as he continues to use me for his own pleasure. Rafe lets out a guttural groan as he cums, his hips jerking harshly as he spills into me, his cock pulsing and throbbing as my walls clench around him, my own orgasm crashing with his own.

Rafe huffs, falling back to rest on the bunch of pillows propped up behind him, his torso glistening with a sheen of sweat as he draped his arm over his eyes. “Off.” He urges, lightly smacking my thigh and I wince as I climb off his lap, ignoring the need to squirm as I feel his cum drip out of me, making me squeeze my thighs together. The bundle of nerves in my stomach begins to rage and thrash internally, the inside of my cheek chewed up to the point of no return. “Rafe, I-”

“I’m taking you home.” His words were final, leaving no room for argument. It’s silent between us, the only sound being the rustle of our clothing as we put them back on and adjust them. Rafe is quick to his feet, walking to the back of the yacht to go to the console area of the boat. I debated with myself whether I should go up there as well and I found myself behind him before I could decide.

The silence between us stretches uncomfortably, his hold on the large metal steering wheel making his calloused knuckles turn white. I walk closer to him, his head turning to look at me from his peripheral vision and I take his look as a warning. I toy with my fingers, sighing as I sit on one of the captains chairs, enjoying the low wake under the yacht as we approach his dock. Rafe shuts off the engine, reaching into the storage box and handing me my keys and my phone, still no words exchanged. He moves past me quickly off the yacht, no regard to make sure I make it safely off myself.

“Rafe!” I call out, watching his frame still at the end of the dock, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. He rounds, his face contorted with anger and he stalks towards me in two simple strides. “You know better!” He huffs, “We agreed to fuck. You just provide a convenient distraction, nothing more.” Rafe cruelly states, towering over me, putting me exactly where he’d like me to be. My chest fills with hurt, his words cutting deep and I’m tempted to wince.

“I slipped up! I didn’t fucking mean it!” Rafe lets out an amused cold chuckle. “Don’t slip up, it’s simple.”

“Fuck you, Rafe.” I spit out, pushing past him to my car. Rafe scoffs behind me. “You go fuck right off, It’s just going to be a matter of time before you’re on your knees for me again, doing what you do best and gagging on my cock.”

I considered turning around, slapping him and spitting in his face. Yet, I don’t, instead choosing to ignore him and leaving him standing under the same moonlight he told me I looked beautiful under.

#rafe cameron #rafe cameron blurb #rafe cameron smut #rafe cameron x reader #obx smut

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watchtowerindistress · 3 months ago

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the empath and the eldritch horror (2/5) - ben hargreeves x empath!reader

Summary: Haven't you heard? It's the end of the world. And what's a small wedding among friends and family? Oh, and Ben is really bad at being a functioning human being. And why does he keep looking at you like he can't decide between kissing and killing you. Wait, what?

Word count: 4.0k

Series masterlist

Warning: drunk!ben, language, angst, fluff (we've got everything!), mention of smut (not the way you think)

Author's note: Still feeling the muse, let's go!

This series was meant to be a three-parter, but while writing this I realized the third part was just the morning after 😅 So, I'm merging everything. Watched S3 after writing this. Just noticed Sloane actually made that dress herself, oops. 🥹 Eight is wearing the dress by Zuhair Murad on the right. For these events, Eight likes to cover her skin due to her powers making her feel sensitive. I figured if Allison can go all out, so can my character. It's the end of the world, what the heck. Please tell me you guys want to read my S4 fic when I start to work on that 🥹🤗 You know how it goes, comments and reblogs feed me.

“Hey, Y/N, where have you been?” The moment you heard Luther’s voice from a distance in the lobby, you turned your head to watch your brother walk arm in arm with Sloane towards you.

You winced at the reminder of the team meeting you had deliberately neglected to show up for. “Oh, I’m sorry. Luther. My body can’t handle the weird tension with Allison and Viktor. I’m all for easing tension, but I’m getting a migraine just being there. The last time I numbed myself was not a good week for me,” you explained, while realizing you were on a rambling roll when you were done.

“I understand. Listen-” Luther started.

“Luther and I just wanted to let you know,” Sloane snuggled deeper into his side before she gingerly raised her bejeweled hand, while pressing her lips together in a nervous but excited energy. “We’re getting married.”

It took you a few seconds to understand what your eyes were seeing. Your giggling eased the tightness in their bodies. “Oh my God. Congratulations, you two.” You had to stretch a bit on your tip toes to reach Luther’s gargantuan shoulders when you tried to hug them both simultaneously.

It was moments like this when you appreciated how Luther always gave the best hugs among your siblings when he squeezed you a tad tighter than you did. Still, no broken bones, no foul.

Lingering in their embrace, you felt like you could breathe again when you said, “I’m so happy for you, Luther. You guys deserve it.”

After finally letting go, Sloane offered you a grateful smile while rubbing the inside of Luther’s arm. “Thank you. It’s tonight, at 6 in the banquet hall. Black tie-” she said, listing off a mental checklist of important information.

“Which is in a few hours, so…” Luther added, chuckling excitedly.

You smiled, letting yourself be swept away by his infectious energy. “Can’t wait. Let me grab a dress real quick,” you replied, pointing with your thumb behind you and secretly hoping there will still some shops open. Or still standing.

Luther nodded in understanding. “Right, you do that. Gotta dash to my bachelor party. Can you believe I just said that?” He already walked a few steps when he stopped in his tracks.

“Forgot something.” With a surprising motion, Luther kissed Sloane, while lowering her into a dip and with such a passion like he didn’t need air. After that public display of affection, he rushed off with an adorable wave.

“You guys are sugary sweet. I feel like I could die just watching you,” you said with a dry tone.

Sloane’s cheeks were blushing when she staggered slightly. “He’s it for me.”

With arching eyebrows, you nodded. “I can see that. Now I gotta think about where to get a dress in the apocalypse.”

While following your steps, Sloane asked, “Do you mind if I catch one with you too?”

You chuckled at their spontaneously planned wedding. “Sure. Let’s make our own bachelorette party, huh? I’ll meet you here later, okay? I’ll be quick.”

“Let’s do that.”

Quickly, you rushed towards the elevator which transported you to the floor of where your hotel room was located.

As soon as you arrived on the floor, Ben’s voice jolted you from behind. “Nice of you to finally show up.”

“Oh God, don’t do that.”

Ben walked by your side as you tried to locate your hotel room. “I told you before, you need to work on your powers.”

“Don’t worry, I felt your cloud of pure bliss when I entered the elevator.” You learned very early on that appearing omnipotent to your surroundings didn’t generally put people at ease.

Ben forced a smile on his face. “You’re hilarious. Did you hear the news already?”

“Judging by your reaction, I can guess which one you meant. Or did another happy event occur which I should know about?” At last, you arrived at your destination when you opened the door to your room and unceremoniously tried to swing it shut behind you.

Ben frowned darkly when he caught it, following after you.

Your eyes wandered over to him, perplexed by his need to continue the conversation. Ben was truly baffling sometimes for calling himself a lone wolf who didn’t need people. Dramatically, you swung your arms around to invite him to your living space.

“Why don’t you enter? Have a seat? Get a drink while you’re at it?”

Almost like accepting the invitation, the mocking undertone ignored for the moment, Ben sat on your made bed. “I mean, getting married? What the hell?”

You grabbed a few clothes from the wardrobe before going into the bathroom to change into them, yet keeping the door slightly ajar.

Feeling like he was being ignored, Ben approached the adjoining wall connecting you. “The apocalypse is right at our door and we’re celebrating a damn wedding?”

“You mean the wedding of your sister? You have to relax with that ‘I can’t stop until I’m at the top’ mindset,” you grumbled in a low voice to imitate Ben’s. “Life doesn’t have to be about missions and constant success.”

“That doesn’t sound anything like me,” Ben grunted. His focus intensified when he heard your clothes rustle as you changed into them. He furrowed his brows, like his attentions focused on what you were doing. “Where are you going?”

“Kind of in a hurry. Going dress shopping with your sister.”

With pursed lips, Ben nodded unwittingly. “Nice to know someone is so damn likable. Having a bachelorette party?”

“It’s a two-way street with us. Sloane is a sweet one and maybe I’m just fun to be around. And it’s not that much of a bachelorette party but …”

Ben felt something soothing stroking his skin.

“Why don’t you just talk to Luther?”

He snorted, crossing his arms. “What makes you think I care about a stupid bachelor party?”

You stepped out of the bathroom after you had changed into looser clothing to adapt to the Kugelblitz absorbing everything around it and with the world going literally up in flames.

“There’s no need to pretend with me, Ben. Maybe you shouldn’t spend time with the person who can feel everything you’re feeling.” You chose to remind him of that little tidbit since he seemed to want to linger within his blissful ignorance. It felt strange that Ben felt safe in confiding in you when he didn’t even like people.

“Luther is just a guy who wants to enjoy his wedding and wants to spend time with the people who care about him.” You implored vehemently, facing Ben again.

With a sarcastic air, Ben scoffed. “So sorry to disappoint that I’m nothing like your precious Ben.”

“You think you’re nothing like him? Sure, you’re way more eager to please daddy dearest. And there’s such a-” Your hands strained around his head in frustration while grunting. Sometimes, Ben’s whole aura compelled you to choke him or at least shake him profusely until some sense would barge into his head. “Dark cloud of wrath surrounding you, it’s insane.”

“You can fool anyone, your family or anyone else. That you don’t want anyone to see that you have goodness inside you. But here’s the thing: it doesn’t matter who you’re not.” You exhaled heavily.

“You’re Ben Hargreeves from the Sparrow Academy. Or what’s left of it. And I’m here for this Ben. I might want to get to know this guy.” You smiled endearingly, knowing that getting to a stubborn Ben Hargreeves proved harder than you’d expect.

Ben calmly stared at you. He pensively licked his lips before quietly admitting with a hoarse voice, “Stop making me like you.”

You tilted your head, smiling softly. “Why is that such a bad thing?”

“Because I don’t need-” Ben pointed between you and him. “This.”

Well, great. You were dealing with an emotionally stunted Sparrow.

“People are literally dying. Either do something about wanting to be a part of something or don’t.”

Ben shook his head, steeling himself. “Maybe you should work on those powers of yours. You think you know me so well, huh? Because you have no idea who I am.”

His solitude was all-encompassing. How alone he truly felt. After some time you could understand how it could deceive you into feeling like it was a comforting blanket.

“I know you’re the guy who needs people at his side. I know I haven’t said it before, but … I’m sorry about Fei and … you know, Christopher.” Although that grief wasn’t as profound, you could sense that on some level Ben cared. At least, Fei had something fascinating about her even if she tried to kill you with her crow powers.

At the memento of his family’s death or absorption into the black hole, Ben’s features darkened. “Don’t. Don’t pretend to care.”

“Sorry to disappoint then. This is all I can offer.” You shrugged. “Someone has to say it. You know, if someone hasn’t yet.”

Ben leaned forward until you could admire how utterly black his eyes looked. His wrath was wafting in dark smoke around his figure. “What makes you think I care about what you have to say?”

You felt so drained. “Then wh- You know what? Fine. End of the world and all that.” You twirled your finger in the air. “Do what you want.” Your hands made a cutting gesture. “I get to decide how I spend my energy. Just close the door behind you. And, just so you know, I’ll know when you steal something.”

You pointed at Ben threateningly before closing the door behind you.

Ben’s voice reverberated through the threshold. “Why would I steal your stuff?”

You leaned back in the chair, enjoying the taste of champagne in your mouth with the sensation of luxury. “You know, this is actually really nice,” you called out, trying to reach Sloane while she was changing into her dream dress.

You stretched out your legs, trying to relax. “Just us girls, having fun together. No baggage. No worries.” At the memory of impending doom, your eyes widened. “For now at least.”

Standing in the corner of the wedding store, Lila was curiously browsing through the clothes hangers and continued for you, “No annoying boyfriends.”

Through the curtain, Sloane added, “Nothing else to do but try out these gorgeous dresses.” With that, she stepped outside in a high-collared wedding dress.

Seeing her in all her glory, Lila and you hollered in delight.

“You look hot.” Lila draped her leg over your armrest to reach over and pop a small cupcake into her mouth in one go.

You merely raised your glass in silent agreement.

Sloane admired herself in the mirror while swishing with her dress. Disappointment laced her voice when she mused, “Allison could’ve been here.”

“I mean, I could’ve truly convinced her if I wanted her to and make her have fun, but that’s like half the fun.” You poured more liquid into your flute. “Allison wants to hold on to that anger of hers, fine. And just so you know,” you paused. With your glass hanging in the air, you couldn’t help saying out loud, “I’m tired. I don’t have the energy for it.”

“I could have tried my hand at that,” Lila retorted confidently.

You eyed her dubiously. “Are you sure about that?”

Lila shrugged, exhaling. “You’re probably right. Don’t think I want to get inside Allison’s head.” Her body shuddered at the thought of copying your empathetic power before her mood switched when she patted your leg. “Gotta rush to the loo real quick.”

You chuckled deeply. “Your cupcakes will still remain here,” you promised wholeheartedly.

Silently, Lila pointed a finger in warning at you. You merely observed her retreating form with knowing eyes.

Sloane continued watching herself in the mirror when she bit her lip while brushing the garment. You cleared your throat when you felt the stroking happening under the skin again.

“Something you want to ask me?” Your eyes met Sloane’s through the reflection.

“Have you talked to Ben yet?”

You chuckled at the mention of her brother, groaning loudly. “Did I tell you I’m tired already?”

Sloane smiled ruefully. “He took up all your energy?” The following heavy sigh perfectly encapsulated how it felt like to describe someone like him. “Ben, he’s, I think he has so much potential to be something more.”

Silently, you raised your eyebrows before adding, “Are you trying to tell me something I don’t already know?”

“He seems different around you.”

“You mean more intense? Are you trying rationalize him?”

Sloane chuckled while shaking her head. “I think you terrify him.”

“Thank you. That’s the biggest compliment anyone has ever given me,” you said sarcastically before emptying your glass. “You know, I’m over my bad boy phase.”

Excitedly, Sloane turned to gaze directly at you. “Wait, so you’re saying you’re into my brother?”

You shook your head vehemently at the mere insinuation while groaning. Not opening that can of worms.

“Ugh, nope, no. Not doing that. I’m not talking about your brother while you’re looking like a million bucks. Besides, today is about you.” You stood up with a coy smile, waving your hand at the mirage that was Sloane’s body.

“Damn right, it is.” Lila magically appeared to agree. “Are we coming to a decision?”

A sigh of deep regret exhaled from Sloane’s lips. “I think it’s going to be dress number one. What can I say? I liked trying on all these dresses.” She gushed while eyeing Lila and you. “And the company.”

“Aren’t you a doll,” Lila replied softly.

“Yes, Luther and you really deserve each other.”

You were wearing your long-sleeved golden dress when you entered the banquet hall. Despite the time crunch, everything was set up quite beautifully. With the lighting making everything appear almost intimately. You were getting some prom vibes with the balloons and the retro flair, but you didn’t feel like judging them for the quick setting up.

Luther joined you near the entrance, smiling warmly. “Fashionably late?”

You shrugged shyly. “As always.”

“How are you feeling?” Like when you were still kids, Luther patted your hair soothingly, making you feel all warm inside. Knowing how overwhelmed you could get with big events, or as big as they could get with the Kugelblitz absorbing people.

“Don’t worry, I’d prefer a wedding over a funeral.” You smiled warmly, staring up at him with pride. “Look at you, big guy. Can’t believe you’re getting hitched,” you said, playfully nudging his shoulder with your knuckles.

You felt the stirring sensation again. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Ben standing in the distance with Allison, sending you an inscrutable expression. Not exactly a scowl on his face, but still something dark remained while he was leaning with his crossed arms against the wall.

Luther’s positive energy pulled you back. He shared a beaming smile at you. “It’s really happening, huh,” he mused, burying his gloved hands in his trouser pockets. “Sloane told me you went dress shopping with her. I really appreciate you taking the time to get to know her.”

“Well, kinda already did that almost a week ago.” After seeing Luther’s blank expression, you continued, “When we were abducted?”

“Right. Feels so long ago.”

“At least our little get-together with Sloane was kinda fun. A small reprieve from the chaotic mess of everything.”

Luther nodded. “I feel you.” He was getting all jittery before he even said the next part. “God, I can’t wait to be married. I’ll see you outside.”

After a very emotional wedding ceremony—also because of Klaus’ flamboyant theatrics—Luther and Sloane were finally husband and wife. Watching them bask in their wedding dance was slowly getting to your sentimental vibes, you realized. Wanting them to have their moment, you joined the table of Klaus and Ben with your cocktail.

“… ridiculously easy to love,” Klaus finished with a fond presence.

“Am I interrupting a heartfelt moment?” You softly asked before filling the seat at Klaus’ side and taking a hearty gulp.

“Beautiful Y/N, join us! We’re reminiscing.” Klaus gushed with absolute joy, throwing his arms around your middle. With a quiet murmur, he whispered to himself, “I think that’s the word. Oh, dad’s holding a speech.” Klaus jumped from his seat.

“Did you know our Y/N loves seafood?” Klaus whispered like he was sharing a secret with Ben. His gaze switched over to yours. “Be a dear and keep sullen Ben company,” he said before sauntering away without a care in the world.

Blinking slowly, Ben’s words were uttered just as slowly. Like choosing them carefully. “Your dress is really … golden.”

“Wow.” You nodded to yourself, with a smile. “And you’re very drunk.”

Ben’s gaze wandered around. “Everyone’s leaving. Even Sloane prefers that big walking ape.”

“She’s not leaving. Your sister just found something else she liked more.”

“You mean liked doing more,” Ben mumbled tauntingly.

You had to restrain from barfing at the idea of your brother having sex. As much as a drunk Ben was kinda hilarious. “Oh, that’s gross, Ben,” you said, trying to stop yourself from laughing.

A solemn sigh exhaled from your lips. “You didn’t ask Luther, did you?” You asked knowingly.

Ben’s shoulders almost appeared too heavy for him to lift when he shrugged them carelessly. “I don’t get an invite and dad just gets to show up to this wedding. What does it matter?”

Ben mindlessly fiddled with the small straw in his drink. The speeches were over for now and people started mingling on the dance floor.

“I think it does to you. How people see you. To be liked. Makes you endearing in a way. We all just want to be accepted for who we are.”

Ben supported his chin with his hand in a casual manner, or at least tried to, when he missed it by a few inches. Instead, he held up the side of his head with his whole palm while observing you through bleary eyes.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” He mumbled quietly.

It was moments like these when Ben revealed stuff like this which broke your heart. “Are you not used to this experience?”

“I don’t understand you,” he mumbled. “Sometimes you make it really hard not to like you.”

Inwardly, you felt bliss fill you up at the unexpected compliment coming from someone like him. Even if that little confession delighted you, your concern for his inebriated state was higher.

“Easy there, buckaroo. Maybe you should have more shrimps. Or at least some bread,” you advised, sliding over a glass filled with grissini. “Someone is quite a talker when they’re drunk, huh?”

“Someone cares about my well-being.” With a sing-song voice, Ben taunted and smirked cheekily.

You smiled wistfully, almost bittersweetly. “You know what I think?” You paused, intuitively envisioning a possible future scenario. “I tell you how tonight’s gonna go down. You’ll have fun, lose all your inhibitions. Because you didn’t have to try so hard to be number one. Or be the best at everything.”

Speaking slowly, you added, “Tomorrow, you’re going to wake up, with all your guards up again. No longer chummy with the people around you. And a part of you is going to regret ever being this real version of yourself. All adorable and sweet.”

Ben chuckled suavely. “You calling me sweet? You know what I think?” He took up the empty seat of Klaus, almost toppling over with the effort. “You’re secretly into me.”

You rolled your eyes at Ben’s ability to feed his own ego. With a satisfied smile, you turned it back on him. “And you actually like that thought.”

“Oh, you think you’re so smart.”

“Whoa, déjà vu.”

“Okay, then tell me what I want.” Ben smirked confidently, waving to himself.

“It’s been a long time since someone dared me for a party favor.” Trying to keep him in suspense for a bit longer, you bit your lip and tilted your head in mock speculation. But then you whispered conspiratorially, “You want me to dance with you, Ben Hargreeves.”

Blowing air through his mouth, Ben groaned. “That’s what you think? Is this how you get guys—with that little technique?” He twirled his finger in your direction.

You arched your eyebrows. “Then tell me I’m wrong.”

He snorted. “I’m not falling for that trick.”

“Maybe. But now I’m in your head, Hargreeves,” you sang tauntingly before laughter sprang free. “Come on, it’s just one night to let loose.”

You stood up, beckoning him closer while walking backwards towards the dance floor. “I promise, tomorrow you can pretend to be the asshole again. Just have some fun for a night.”

“We can’t all be Little Miss Sunshine.”

You snorted loudly at that description. If anything, as an Empath, you were almost an antithesis to the preconceived notion of an all-caring and always-happy disposition.

“Only you would think that. Come on, Benny-boo. Show me those dance moves of yours.”

“You’re a bad influence,” he mumbled before he gobbled down another shrimp. Ben reached for you and energetically spun you in a circle until your fingers held onto his chest for stability.

“Stop calling me by that name,” he whispered, only for your ears to hear.

You let go of Ben, sending him a smoldering gaze over your shoulder. “Why don’t you make me?” You mocked, strolling over to the bride to dance with her and watched as he joined the fray reluctantly, but no less swayed.

“You owe me,” he mouthed.

In the end, you chose to ignore his little warning by teasingly shrugging your shoulders. “I can’t hear you.”

One hangover later … for Ben

“Did someone ever tell you, you look cute when you’re trying to fall asleep in an upright position?”

You watched in fascination how your words jolted Ben awake while he was leaning against the elevator wall, with his shirt pulled halfway down his muscled torso.

“Excellent workout routine, by the way.” You felt obliged to mention.

Ben grunted, rubbing his cheeks to awaken his senses even more. At the hint, he pulled his shirt down the rest of the way. “Why is Karma coming after me so hard?”

You stepped inside the elevator and pressed the button for the lobby for show, since Ben didn’t even select a button when he entered.

“It’s not Karma, Ben. It’s a literal hangover.”

Feeling a heated stare linger on you, your eyes met Ben’s whose blinking eyes tried to focus on you. With his arms crossed, his shoulder leaned against the other wall. “Then why do you look so pretty?”

You teasingly nudged his shoulder. “Aww, Ben Hargreeves, what a charmer. My body works in mysterious ways.”

Comfortable silence hung in the air the longer the elevator traveled to its intended destination.

“You know, your brother is a dick.” Finally, Ben decided to end the quiet.

You pursed your lips when several people who fitted that description entered your mind. Especially with a wedding in the past and many lowered inhibitions.

“Uh… which one are we talking about? You’re checking a lot of boxes right now.”

“Klaus,” Ben enunciated with every fiber of his being.

You nodded, comprehending their cautious bond. During the previous night, Klaus and Ben proved to be the tightest of bosom buddies. The fallout was unfortunate. Ben didn’t have a lot of people in his life. Most of your family would rather label him as Not-Ben in their heads instead of getting to know him as his own person.

So, yes, your family could be dicks sometimes.

“Well, he’s trying. The former Ben and him were like the closest for years.” You recalled fondly. Deciding to cheer Ben up a bit, you remarked playfully, “Judging by last night, you two were up to some wild shenanigans.”

Ben reached for your arm. “Wait. What happened last night?”

Chuckling, you shook your head. Almost impressed with last night’s Ben. “You were something else last night. I mean, you were just showing off with your tentacles. They were like really touch-starved. How are they even feeling after that spectacle?”

“Come again?”

The doors opened before you could divulge more. “Uh, you might want to check your shirt again. It’s still backwards. See you at the breakfast buffet.”

“This conversation isn’t over.” Ben exclaimed with great ardor before the doors shut again.

Tagging: @cherryinsalemverse @mellowstatesmanhandsempath @ravenmoore14 @blackmagicwoman @lelaamela

#watchtowerindistress #steph writes #the empath and the eldritch horror #ben hargreeves x you #ben hargreeves x reader #sparrow!ben x you #sparrow!ben x reader #sparrow!ben hargreeves x reader #tua season 3

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superstarcherrycolagirl · 5 months ago

Note

wanted to request a julien baker angst fic if u felt like it :) maybe a fight + reconciliation or julien comforting gf going thru something? tysm

omg anon THANK YOU SO MUCH! i think added way too much angst than you expect (i got so carried away) but i hope you like it :)

you’re losing me

julien baker x fem!reader/ 1.2k words

idea: you’ve been fighting for tjis relationship for so long, that you just can’t do it anymore

tw: angst, fighting, swearing, both are SO TOXIC yikes, crying

note: i’ve been listing to too much of “midnights” and “ttpd”.. so i might have mixed loml + you’re losing me + so long, london (if you squint) SO SORRY YALL AHHH! but yay first julien request EEEEK! i do love my angsty girl so I hope y’all enjoy

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

“you promised you’d be here tonight!” “i never promised anythi-” “yes you did! you promised me that we’d make dinne-” “what the hell are you talking about?” this is what your evenings looked like. fighting back and forth. julien just arrived home from the studio today, and she’s been prickly all night long. and you’ve been impatient.

for months julien was leaving for the studio at the crack of dawn and coming home later than midnight. she would leave for tour for on end months, mores shows being added for her and the boys, and then come back home to do more work. you’ve been barely surviving off of kisses and updating each other on life during awkward phone calls, or worse, conversations with her at home. barely being together is already an tough pill to swallow, and then coming home in a bad mood every time?

you’re tired. so tired.

“i don’t understand why you’re acting like this. i’ve be-“ “i’m not acting like anything! honey you’ve been the one coming home in a shitty mood every single time!” “shitty mood? baby i’ve been working non stop on-” “on the album! the tour! the awards! i know! you’ve been running yourself ragged and your-” “oh my fucking god can you let me speak! christ! i can’t even speak without you talking all over me!” julien raised her voice, her firm and sharp words echoing in your LA home. the words in your mouth got caught in the back of your throat.

you’ve always had trouble advocating for yourself and using your voice to communicate your emotions, to be vulnerable. and julien was one of the main reasons why you could now freely express your feelings. so her yelling at you for just trying to be honest is like a punch to the gut.

your eyes stated to become glossy and your once caught words melted to created a soreness in your throat. you couldn’t help it. you tried to speak, but your words were breathy and dry.

“jules.. m’s-” “no! no you don’t get to fucking cry! y-you don’t get to cry when you started this whole thing! not when i’ve been the one getting out of bed every morning to fucking bring a meaning to my fucking life. i work and work and work until i’m basically killing myself just so that i can continue being there for the people who count on me! for the people who need me!” she’s breathing heavily, chest rising and falling so fast you thought she’d fall over. she’s fuming.

on the other hand your breaths are so slow and choppy, that it’s making your face and nose feel tingly. numb. you aren’t breathing enough, literally. you tried to open your mouth again, but she snapped at you before you could. and this time her words made your heart sink “so don’t fucking complain to me about not being home. you don’t get it because you can’t even get out of bed! you don’t get to tell me that i’m bad for trying to help others like me! who need me! you don’t fucking get it. and you won’t until you get up and out of the house and do something about it!” she said with a final huff, cheeks red and sweaty fists clenched.

silence fell between the both of you. you didn’t know what to say. what could you say? she basically said you won’t ever understand her life because she always needing to be there for others with because of her work. because of her art. she can connect with people and care for the ones who she’s helped. they count on her.

so why can’t you? why can’t she be there for you when you need her.

your ears were ringing, fingers shaking, soul aching. you expected your heart to be pounding outside of your chest, but it wasn’t. you expected to feel your heart beat and scream inside your body from how much you were hurting, but you couldn’t feel it. you couldn’t feel your heart beat for this life, for this love, for her. you couldn’t feel your heart beat, and without that heart beating there was no pulse to find, because that heart won’t start up. and you don’t think it will again.

“i can’t do this anymore julien” your voice broke the silence and filled the chilling air “i can’t keep living like this. i can’t keep waking up every morning and falling asleep every night without your there not know how long it will be like this, not until it’s too late” you couldn’t believe those words were coming out of your mouth, you never expected them to “i gave you everything i had because i thought you cared just as much as i did. you care so much about other people, you care so much to recognize them for who they are. you care so much to listen to them. you care so much to be there for them,” your emotions were building up until you couldn’t keep it in anymore. “i get it! i get it because i need you there too! i’ve been needing you for so long! and i’ve waited and waited and i’ve never complained because i thought that the time would come around where you would just be here! and you know what? it hasn’t happened yet! and i’m so tired!” you’re voice was watering, fighting off the to cry. you took a deep breath, trying to regain yourself enough tk finish “i’m so.. tired. of all of this. and i know now that you’re tired too” you spoke to julien directly to her face, really looking into her eyes for what you think will be the last time.

now her eyes were glossy, tears threatening to leak and stream down her face. she was speechless, feeling like all the life was drained from her body head to toe. how did she get here? standing in the house she built together with you and dreamed of growing old in.. to this? on the brink of losing the love of her life.

“baby..” “..julien” you wouldn’t even call her by her pet names. you couldn’t. you couldn’t keeping holding on when you still feel so hollow. you needed to stop. this needed to stop “i have to go, i’ll.. i’ll call someone to get my stuff out later” you start making your way to the front door “what-no! baby pleas-” she grabbed your wrist, trying to bring you back to her. she doesn’t want to lose you. she can’t. she stopped you just before you reached the door, but you quickly turned to her and placed your hand on top of her wrist “julien you need to let go-” “i can’t let you go! w-we can talk about this. fix us! baby i-i can’t lose you! i won’t!” the desperation in her eyes and pleading cries made you tremble, wanting to comfort her. but you tore her knuckle dying grip off you as you opened the door, looking at her one more time to see the tears rolling down her face. you wanted to run back in and hold her. kiss her. love her. be there for her. be here with her. but you knew that couldn’t happen, because you couldn’t find that pulse between you anymore. it was gone. you had to let her go, because she was already doing so.

“you already did julien..”

I can’t find a pulse, my heart won’t start anymore.

#hey yall..#so im weeping #sad gay #julien baker #julien baker x reader #boygenius #taylor swift #midnights #you’re losing me

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letsquestjess · 1 year ago

Text

Something Sweet (Wrecker x GN!Reader)

Summary: While waiting for Wrecker to return from a mission, you decide to use your baking skills to make him a cake. Needless to say, he's delighted when he sees it.

Word count: 1.5K

Warnings: Little kisses.

A/N: Finally got it done, my first Reader fic. I don't think I included any references to anything specific about the reader's appearance so I've labelled it as gender neutral but please let me know if you spot anything. Also, if you'd like to be added to the taglist for future fics, feel free to send me a message.

-- -- -- -- --

With a click of the latch, the final cluster of cupcakes finally made it into the oven, leaving clouds of flour, chocolate powder and splotches of butter in their wake. You set the timer and scoured the mess from your hands. Droplets of blue and silver seeped into the running water. By the sink, a stack of bowls and utensils teetered perilously close to toppling as they waited to be cleaned. How you managed the colossal order in such a short amount of time, you didn’t know, but the brunt of it was done.

“What are you still doing here?” Mica chuckled as she freed her coat from the hook and draped it over her shoulder. “You should have clocked out ages ago. If you need extra hours, you can just ask.”

“Massive order came in this afternoon,” you replied. You gestured to the monitor beneath the cabinets and your boss examined the extensive list, her cheeks bloating and deflating with a lengthy exhale.

“They want all this by tomorrow morning? Why didn’t you tell me? I’d have helped.”

“Because you have been busy with the bank,” you told her. “And it’s not like I couldn’t manage it. I’m almost done. Just need the last lot to finish and get some icing on them.”

“I can help now,” Mica said, swapping her jacket for an apron and carefully dislodging the used bowls from the top of the unruly mountain. “You keep an eye on those cakes and I’ll sort these dishes.”

“Yes, boss.”

For a while, the kitchen settled into a symphony of foamy splashes and metallic clangs. You removed the last batch from the oven and set them down to cool, getting started on the dozens of others that demanded their dab of icing and cheerful sprinkles.

“So,” Mica drew out. “When are you going to see your admirer again?”

You hesitated in your intricate work, the nozzle of the piping bag hovering centimetres above the delicate cupcake. “I have no idea what you mean. Who says I have an admirer?”

“Stop avoiding the question. You know who I mean. The big guy who always comes in here with that love-struck grin on his face. The one who has you floundering every time you see him.”

“It’s nothing,” you insisted, sounding far more guilty than you intended.

“Oh, okay.” Mica hummed, pausing for a fraction of a second before adding, “is that why there is a cake decorated like a missile in the pantry?”

Closing your eyes and cursing yourself for not taking the gift home to finish, you rose from the worktop. You had planned to take it to your apartment, encase it in a pristine cardboard box with a ribbon to prepare for Wrecker’s return. But time had run away from you. Again.

“I bought all the ingredients myself,” you assured her. “It’s just there’s more room here and the temperature in the pantry is better for this kind of thing, but I did plan on finishing it at my apartment, and-”

She cut you off with a wave of her soapy hand and removed the bright yellow gloves, tossing them onto the empty draining board. “Don’t panic yourself, I wouldn’t be mad at you even if you had used the stuff here,” she smiled. “You have more than earned it.”

As the tension drained from your shoulders, you noticed her playful glance transform into a satisfied smirk. “He’s been on mission after mission with no break and no letup,” you explained, “and I thought this would be something nice to cheer him up.”

“I think it’s cute,” Mica said. She wiped her hands on the wet dish towel before searching the drawer for a new one.

“If you wanted to head to the bank before it closes, I can finish the rest of this,” you offered.

“You sure?”

“There’s not a lot to do. I’ll let those dishes dry and lock up once everything is done.”

Mica grabbed her jacket and gave you a grateful beam before she bounded down the steps and out into the evening. Left to the tranquil hum of the ovens cooling down after a long day of work, you finished the last of the cakes and neatly stacked the full boxes by the hatch for the morning.

You padded into the pantry once everything was cleaned and manoeuvred Wrecker’s cake from its spot at the back of the shelf, slowly walking it into the kitchen and setting it down on the decorating board. With a few more tweaks, it would be perfect.

The icing paste squished between your fingers as you blended two blocks with the black and red food colouring, intricately moulding the shapes. After what felt like hours of meticulous work, you finally placed the little sculpted tooka doll onto the cake, rotating the board to admire your creation. Dark shades seamlessly merged into the lighter hues, giving the spongy projectile a whimsical, cartoonish appearance.

When Wrecker had first come into the bakery some months ago, he had looked at the enormous selection in wonder and guided his sister to the pastries. A few days later, he’d returned, and you’d happily shared your knowledge on the delicate art of baking until the oven timer had summoned you. Eventually, after many visits, the conversation shifted, and you both began to share small stories about your past, your interests, and hopes for the future. But you could tell there was more to him than the soldier, something sweet and abundantly kind.

He had been off-world for the best part of three weeks on a mission for the dubious parlour owner nearby, and your thoughts of him had grown. Initially, you’d managed to push your contemplations aside and focus on your work, but as the days stretched on, you found it harder to ignore them.

While you washed away the vivid dye from your fingertips, you picked up a distinct pitter patter tapping on the shop’s front door and peeked around the partition. Most of the lights in the display cases had been switched off, casting a murky darkness over the empty shelves. For a brief second, you froze in fear, thinking it could be one of the more dangerous residents of Ord Mantell, but you quickly realised that someone wishing you harm would be unlikely to be so polite.

Tentatively, you tip-toed through the shop. The figure at the window shifted from foot-to-foot. As a landspeeder zoomed down the road, the headlights illuminated the man lingering outside and you flung the door wide.

“Wrecker?” you breathed. He looked up, and you swore you could drown in the affectionate smile lighting up his features if he let you.

“I didn’t know if you were still open,” he said as you eagerly ushered him inside, flipping the sign in the window to closed. “I went to your apartment, and you weren’t there, so I figured you might be here.”

“Guilty as charged,” you replied. “I wasn’t expecting you back so early. When we last spoke, I got the impression you’d be away for a while.”

“Thought I would be, but the job wasn’t too complicated.”

You bit your lip and gestured for him to accompany you into the kitchen. “Since you’re here, I may as well show you your surprise.”

His eyes sparkled with anticipation as he followed you, a faint flush spreading across his cheeks when he caught sight of the cake. “Did you make this for me?” he asked in a mixture of awe and disbelief. “It’s incredible!”

“Of course I did,” you chuckled. “Unless you know any other ammunition experts with a particular love for missiles and an adorable tooka doll.” Searching through the cutlery draw, you retrieved a knife and cut him an ample portion. He took a large bite and hummed in approval. “Good?”

“Delicious.”

“You can share it with your siblings if you wanted.”

“No way, this is all mine,” Wrecker insisted as he swallowed the final slivers.

Your bright smile reached your cheeks, and you gently brushed away the crumbs clinging to the corner of his mouth. He held your hand in place, and you traced the bumps of his scar, your heart pounding in your chest.

“I missed coming in here,” he said, so softly it was almost a whisper, a secret only the two of you shared in the fading heat of the kitchen and the faint air smuggling in through the open window. “I missed talking to you. Seeing that smile.”

“I missed you too, Wrecker,” you admitted.

His eyes flicked to your mouth, and you answered his unspoken question with a barely perceptible nod. He cupped your face, sweeping his thumbs over the warmth and leaning down to press his lips to yours. Brief yet intoxicating, he drew back. “You’re going to have to teach me how to bake cakes,” he said, nuzzling his nose to yours and revelling in the sweet grin you gave him in return.

“There’s no time like the present,” you sighed, melting into his arms. “But first I want to kiss you again.”

TAGLIST (Message if you'd like to be added, 18+ only)

@skellymom

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aaronofithaca05 · 8 months ago

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Hi! Part 3: the truth of my fic: The first night is out

<-Part 2

“Yes, father” he responded from amongst the crowd.

“What happened?, he bluntly shouted.

“Wait, better not ask, as my poisoned words were the ones that began your pain”. He said as he was trying to occult his shedding pearls amidst a façade of well.

“Son; come here, you NEVER, NEVER send me poisoned words” I said calmly

“ As honey never spoils” I said while trying to stay put, and then with my breaking throat: “my love to you will stay as the inmutable stars of the night” Even if you burned all Ithaca, all the lands under Uranus. I said softly; “You will always be my son, my joy, my sun”. I tried to hug him, to tell him everything was as good as ever. Ever

“Then… Why did you evade my question? “. Telemachus' reaction to my promise, to my love, was a question that veiled the sorrows of a fatherless son, of a man whose only memory of me were tales of old, the anger of a naive soul.

“Telemachus, let me..”. I tried to tell him everything but his impetuous anger cut me, again.

“You´re Odysseus the man of many turns,” He reprimanded me while shouting as I lowered my head to the floor

“The cunning master of the Danaoi” He added, I assisted

“Breaker of divine's Troy walls”, He added to the list.

“Telemachus, I wa..” He didn't let me end,

“Oh sorry Odysseus son of Laertes” he said while his tears filled his soft face, his little hairs forming pearls of anguish. “I meant Odysseus,the destroyer of cities”. That cut me down to the core, I saw the floor of before impenetrable Troy filled with the blood and bodies of them all, he´s body, staring stiff to the void, the face of an innocent, the face of Telemachus, I couldn´t saved him there,

“I won't lose you here” I thought.

I was being killed and gutted by the voice of my son, of our son, of our sweet Telemachus.

“Telemachus, please I´m Oddy…” I was stopped again, trying to say “Telemachus, I´m Odysseus, father of Telemachus, you are my most prized soul, my greatest achievement, no lie, no masterful plan, no horse, nothing can compare to the pride I have and will always have being able to call myself your father”

He then stop, he looked towards where I interrogated the poor little girl and with a heart full of hate he shouted: “Odysseus, Slayer of Circe,

“Slayer of..Circe '', I froze, my expression changed to ingenuity.

He saw the change in face and thought it was “liar” what caught me

“Yes liar, isn't that what you are? How can I call myself the son of a beggar and a liar????!!!!!”

Our blood ran cold, all light faded, all the spring air became the underworld, all stopped. He collapsed like the Walls of the doomed city while I was running to him, with pearls so big that only immortals could have.

He berated, he punched me, he tried to get me off.

“Liar, liar” He shouted if Zeus lighting was contained inside him

“…..father” I kissed him while grabbing his soft looks

“….Πα…i'm sorry” he spoke softly as the clouds

“Don´t be” I said as I looked into his watery eyes while our foreheads were touching, we were for the first time son and dad.

After that, he was still defiant but soft as a young kid (goat), I felt how his factions softened but not his lips, there was anger still inside.

“Telemachus”, I said, trying to rock him as I did before I left home.

“all you said was true, I was a liar, so many people had been sent down under my sword” I whispered, he held me closer and tighter while I felt moisture in my cloth.

“But I didn't kill Circe”, I said.

He pushed me out, his anger, his stream of pearls was rekindled, he was more fierce than any storm I faced, he was tougher than any foe I faced, every monster, even I.

“Why must you keep lying to me!” he said while hugging himself

“I don´t lie”, “ she's alive” I said, sincerely as my love to him.

“You let that witch live?” Telemachus shouted again.

“You let the daughter of Helios live to see his father once more” He seemed confused amidst his whines.

“Why would I killed her?, she nurture us to live, she prepared us, she let her home open for us, she is the greatest foe we faced, her dignity and hospitality were an example for all of the civilized” I said convinced and serene in every word; he grew paler with each letter, with each word and his eyes more deep and bottomless than before.

“And the pigs, what about the piGS!!” he clinged to that idea, trying to get me.

“You let your men die?” He put his hand in his heart waiting for my collapse but I was standing up.

“No one died on that island under my watch, only Elaipnor met his fate, for lounging in the roof of her palace and fell asleep a month or two before leaving” then added “the rest perished in Thrinacia”.

“Wait” I could see his confession brimming and humming in his perfect ears.

“then the gray-eyed goddess helped, the sword trick, Circe's curse…It was a lie”.

“What did you say?”. I asked softly and awaited his answer as I awaited the moment of holding him tight forever.

“Friend told me”, he sincerely said.

“Friend” I remember that word “friend” but I did not hold it dear anymore, as the friend he talked about I knew who was.

“She told you sweet stories thinking i was going to be here and one day tell you truth”

“The truth”, “The truth”,he scoffed bitterly

“How many truths are there?” “I only wanted my dad”, “ We only wanted you” he whined as he collapsed again.

“I only wanted you Πα”, Telemachus whispered, hugging my knees.

“I have endured, I stayed strong, I did what I was told”, “but still, your soul wasn't here with us”. he gently spoked as a small creek.

Thanks so much to all of you! I´m tagging to my best friends and special moots:

@jarondont,@iroissleepdeprived, @nikoisme, @perroulisses,@poshgirlsstuff, @katerinaaqu @incorrecthomer, @dootznbootz, @nyx-of-darkness-1620, @sunshines-child, @randomkrab, @ironspdr6700, @fangirlofallthefanthings, @twomanyfandomshelp, @thehighpaladin, @the-decapod, @myblacknightworld, @simugeuge, @itszorrito67, @incorrectatlas @tunguszka20, @dootznbootz , @ironspdr6700

#the first night #odysseus #telemachus #fic #angst/fluff #argument #the odyssey #greek mythology #homer

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clevercatchphrase · 11 months ago

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2023 Year In Review~

at the time of me writing this, it is 8:11pm on tuesday night, january second. Let's see how long it takes me to type this entire thing. I expect no less than two hours. This is gonna be a long one, so I'm gonna put it under a read-more. Proceed only if you dare!

So! Another year down, another begun, and this is my.... 5th? time looking back on my year and assessing what I accomplished and what I did. Lots of changes and new things happened to me this year! Not nearly as many good things as bad! But first I'm gonna dig up my old resolutions list and see how well I did on them. Let's see... for 2023 I had 9 goals, six of which were serious and 3 of which were more casual. those goals were;

Read 12 new books in a year (one book a month)

Finish the Snowdin Arc before Ghost Switch's 5th birthday

Rewrite the 3rd draft of my Nanowrimo project from 2021/22

Write 4 one-shots for BSaPT

Solidify the details of the waterfall arc

The one secret goal

Finish writing the last 4 chapters of Clemency and finally post the dang thing

build a comic buffer of 8 pages, and finally,

write the crack fic

Of these nine goals, I achived... 4 of them, those being reading 12 books, finishing the snowdin arc before june 18th, rewriting my 2021 nanowrimo project, and finalizing the waterfall arc for Ghost Switch. All of these were serious goals, which I am proud of! but it was still less than half, which was a little disappointing. As in past years, I'll go into more detail below:

Read 12 books I BLEW THIS ONE OUT OF THE WATER! the grand total of books I read this year was THIRTY-SIX! three times as many! In fact, I forced myself to stop in order to have more books to read for 2024! Most of the books I listened to this year were through librivox, and mostly on my commute to work. Great way to pass the time! I wrote short little notes about the books I read on a personal discord with only me in it, so let me see if I can just copy and paste all of that here... (all of my original notes will be italicized, while additional thoughts on it now will not be)

1) Jonathan Livingston Seagull. Short, cute! Inspirational. About self actualization. Read by richard Harris. People call this a demonic book?? Apparently a fourth part added in 2014. Look it up later. (Edit; I never did look it up later. there's an audiobook for this on youtube, and while the voice is nice, there is, like, a solid 10 minute segment with a single violin note playing in the background and it is GRATING) 2) fire bed and bone. Ok. Middle of the road. Too focused on people and not the dog, but I get that's the point. it's ~symbolic~. Like the use of no dialogue and no name for the main dog 3) dogs of the spires book 1: reads like fan fiction (derogatory). Sentences go on for 4 or 5 words too long. Used the word orbs for eyes 3 times. Duke is ALWAYS FUCKING GRINNING. Half-brother reveal makes no sense and comes out of nowhere. How… Big/old is Step? Talks waaay too mature for a kid. What happened to Twig? Very tell and not show. Pink foam pink foam pink foam. Why are dogs separated? Hoe do the packs work? Why training? Not given enough to care for characters. Feels like a warrior cat reskin. Too rushed and yet nothing happens at the same time. (I was very curious about post-apocolyptic xenofiction this year, and this was one of the books I could find on the matter, but it's very childishly written and just... bad. Surprisingly, there seems to be a very tiny but dedicated fandom for it on youtube? the series has a fandom wiki anyway...)

4) old granny fox. Very cute! A little repetitive, but passable for a children's novel. Great introduction to xenofiction for kids. Wonderful audio book. 5)the adventures of Sammy Jay. Short sweet also a lot of fun. Both books are Definitely of their time with their usage of the word "queer" as a synonym for "strange/odd"

Now, this is a little known fact about me, but I'm secretly a massive furry. yeah, who could've guessed, right? Anyway, i'm always on the look out for good xenofiction, and when I searched through the "animals" playlist of the librivox youtube channel and stumbled across the books by Thornton W Burgess, I was INSTANTLY enamored. Old Granny Fox, and The Adventures of Sammy Jay were the first two I read/listened to, and was immediately captivated. I MUST give extra props to the narrators of these audiobooks, with some of the more frequent readers for this series doing unique voices for each character, which really added to the charm (Jude Somers and John Lieder particularly come to mind). I WISH I had these books as a kid. I love the way they describe animal behavior and reasoning. While it is anthropomorphized, it never crosses a line into "too" human, if that makes sense. There's another book on this list that is very similar to Burgess' work, with talking animals, but in that book, the animals make and read signs on the doors of their houses, and go to animal tailors to get their clothes fit. this doesn't happen in Burgess' work. Sure, they talk about their homes and the coats they wear, but it's all very intentionally conveying their natural states and habitats in a slightly more human way for us to picture them. Sure, the art on the covers of the books may say otherwise, but it's never depicted that way in the actual text. All their behavior is very animalistic, too, explaining their thoughts and actions in a way that would make sense for a wild forest creature. These books are a little gentle when it comes to the cycle of life. While the predator characters do need to hunt, they are always juuuust out of luck when they are the main character, and the prey characters juuuust manage to escape each time they're the focus. I will definitely be reading more of Burgess' books this year (the man wrote over 170 of them!), but expect quite a few more titles of his to pop up on this list.

6) adventures of jimmy skunk 7)adventures of paddy beaver (not much to say on these two. both were charming, but I feared I would have sounded repetitive if I just kept writing "cute!" in my notes) 8) my father's dragon Short, cute and silly. Listened to the audiobook. Does the physical have pictures? Not really so much about the dragon. Wish there was more after the ending, like what became of the dragon? (I also watched the netflix movie adaptation of this book. I.... could not stand the dragon in the movie. I'm sorry, he's annoying as hell) 9)adventures of buster bear

10)adventures of old mister toad.Favorite one so far. Puts toads in a positive light and describes them as beautiful instead of ugly or gross. [Burgess] Really appreciates all animals and their unique abilities and traits

11) The tale of freddie firefly. Ehh, okay. Not as great as Thorton Burgess' books, but still enjoyable. Not the same 'voice'. (this book was written by Scott Bailey) 12) The adventures of Chatterer the red squirrel. Fine~ Fun. 13) The Fox That Wanted Nine Golden Tales. Funny, short. Would make a good 22 minute short film 14)tale of master meadow mouse. Alright~ why do the animals know what groundhogs day and February are? How does mouse know how to write, and fox to read? Do they wear clothes? Mention a tailor frog. Oars for a raft. Don't like the animals being described as "(color) person". Feels like it's missing an adjective, ie "feathered" or "furred". (This is what I was talking about above. Scott Bailey wrote very similar stories to Burgess, but something was just... off about is writing style. ) 15) the adventures of reddy fox. Okay. Feels like an earlier book. Not as kind as the other ones. (I later looked it up and confirmed this was one of the earlier books in his series, and this one was, like, his tenth ever published one)

16) the adventures of jerry muskrat

17) the tale of doctor Doolittle. Fun! Kiiiiiinda racist in the africa parts, but an overall good time! (I'm more familiar with the Doolittle movies, but was surprised to learn that Doolittle's ability to speak to animals was something he learned with effort and practice, and not a magic power or weird innate ability of his. It was an interesting read!) 18) Nomads of the North. Fun animal romp. I Flinched at the use of "fat" "tar baby" "half breed" and "Indians". First half is mostly about the bear, then a sudden sharp turn to mostly about the dog. Kinda meanders, has no over-arching through-line, conflict or plot. (Apparently a movie was based off of this book, but focused more on the humans than the animals. Eh, it was the 1920s. what can you do) 19)falcons of nerabedla; short sci-fi novella about a bodyswap time traveler. Its… Fine. Not the greatest. A little too confusing and kind of wish they explained things more earlier on. Not really about the falcons. Even for a sci-fi, still pretty sexist in the future.(honestly I don't even know if I should count this as it's own book. I'm pretty sure it was a short story inside a bigger magazine?) 20) south American jungle tales. Enjoyable! Very strong jungle book vibes with a South American flare. The story with the racoon was pretty dark, though. 21) a gryphon's journey. Too fast pace. Characters have a habit of spilling their entire backstories onto arias without prompting. Not enough show, not enough explanation of how the gryphons work. Some aspects completely pushed to the sides, like the satyrs and naugi until the end. Very rushed. The skyhaven arc could have been its own book, the stygagryph arc could have been it's own book. The heron gryph arc could have been it's own book. Not enough time to get to know the characters or care about them. Arias speaks far too maturely for his age, I feel. (Still on a gryphon kick from the last... two years now? Mostly I'm waiting for the fourth book in the Griffin Ranger Series to come out before I read the third. The author said it would come out before the end of 2023, but that date came and went and it still isn't on amazon at the time of writing (which is now 9:26pm, jeez...) I want to read isthmus so bad, but I don't want to wait on a cliffhanger) 22) myths and legends from Alaska. Okay. Feels very white washed and overly simplified. missing nuance. Reader is so deadpan and monotone that the audio book was a slog to get through (One thing I was determined to do for my own enrichment this year was to read more legends and mythologies from other cultures. There are SO MANY cool creatures and monsters and ideas out there, and I just feel so LIMITED by the small amount I know. We humans come up with some of the craziest shit imaginable!) 23) the white czar; a story of a polar bear. Bad, boring, incredibly racist. Barely about the bear at all! 24) the twins of buster bear. Another thornton w. Burges book. Its middle of the road. Certainly not bad, but my least favorite so far. Just kinda dull, and the audio book was horrendous. (honestly if the audiobook wasn't so bad, I wouldn't have disliked it so much, but it was a CHORE to listen to this one. I mean, thank you librivox for doing all this work for free, but is it too much to ask for some sort of vetting process for your volunteer readers??) 25) the wishing stone stories; BEST thornton w burges book so far! I would have been obsessed with this book as a child. Transforming into animals to learn about their ways. Not super PG like the others. The animals hunt and kill and get killed. 10/10

26) lightfoot the leaping goat 27) Toto the bustling beaver. Both alright. Nowhere near as charming as thornton Burgess, but endearing none the less. A little more 4th wall breaking. Toto audio book fun with silly voices, but I don't like the description of "tramps". A little too humanized for me. Lightfoot audio book fucking trash. Almost gave up. (Both of these books were written by Richard Barnum, another children's xenofiction writer of the time, but I quickly came to realize that his writing style is just not for me. I listened to a handful of his books too, this year, but they left me feeling uncomfortable more often than not because common attitudes of the time period reeeeeally show through his work.) 28) the adventures of poor misses quack. How do these qualify as adventures. She lands in a pond, dumps her backstory for 60 percent of the book, finds her mate and lives happily ever after. Not very strong, not very adventurous. 29) Mother West Wind "When" Stories; a lot of fun, charming, Aesop fable-esque. Fun mythology for children. A little too much peter rabbit, but I understand why he's there 30) the adventures of tamba the tame tiger. Yeahhhh, this series isnt my thing. A little too humanized, and the audio book is fuck GARBAE. (Pretty sure I meant to say "fucking garbage" there, but "fuck garbae" is funnier)

31) joust 32) alta 33) sanctuary All really good! All revolve around dragons and their usage and care. The books are a liiiiiitle too serendipitous, with the right thing always happening at the right time. Vetch/kuron doesn't "fail" enough. Second book is the best so far because the magi are a legitimate threat and it feels like time is running out so they must always stay one step ahead. (All written by Mercedes Lackey, all about dragon husbandry with a nice Egyptian flare! Check them out! But... maybe skip Aerie, the last in the series. It's not really worth it.) 34)aerie weakest one. Ahketen was absolutely unbearable and I didn't like the literal deus ex machina at the end with the actual gods coming down to help. Final ranking in order from best to worst; 2)alta, 1)joust, 3)sanctuary and 4)aerie. 35) the adventures of johnny chuck. Fun, average. Simple but doesn't need to be complicated. First of the thornton books ive read where the main character forms a family with children as the main focus 36) blacky the crow. Fun and charming as always. Feels a little simpler than the others with only 3 main mini stories, two of which involve stealing eggs. I wonder if I can find a box set of these books. (Aaaand that wraps up all the books I read this year! 15 of them were from thornton w burgess, and I hope to read even more from him this year! If you know of Burgess' books, tell me your favorites! I'd love to discuss them with someone~)

2.WHOO! the time is now 9:50, and I am just starting on talking about my second goal, which was to finish the snowdin arc of Ghost Switch before its 5th birthday. I did this! I did this exactly on june 18th! (for public readers, anyway. Anyone on my patreon got the page early, but a one week difference isn't much in the grand scheme of things.) I also get to say that I passed the Snowdin Test this year! "What is the Snowdin Test," you might ask? well, it's something a mutual acquaintance of mine, from the Fan Fic Paradise discord I lurk in, made aaaaall the way back in 2018, right when I was just startin' out with Ghost Switch. (Hi, Vikingaspoke, I don't know if you follow me on tumblr, or even have a tumblr for that matter, but I want you to know I thought about your thesis every single day since you first posted it, and have been determined (har har) to succeed where so many other undertale stories have failed. I did it once with my Epic-long fan fic, You Monster, but to do the same in comic form was a new and unique challenge. it took me almost 5 years, but I got there in the end! Cutting out the memories, I've officially concluded snowdin and started waterfall just this year!) I've also got to mention that I think my estimation on how long it will take me to finish Ghost Switch is slowly unfolding to be oddly accurate. I've never made a comic this long, but back in 2019, when I made an anniversary comic for Ghost Switch's 1st birthday, I guestimated that it would take me roughly 11 more years to finish the story, meaning it would take me 12 in total from start to finish. Well, we are rapidly approaching the half-way point of the comic, and if I haul ass it get to 312 pages out by the 6th birthday, we very well might actually hit it. I haven't drawn up to page 312 yet, but it's strangely close. Granted, my guess didn't account for the length of the flashback segments, which may push it back, but the sheer Idea that the "vibes" I got on how long each arc would take just by roughly judging the time it took me to finish ruins as a baseline to compare... it's just weird, man. I just "felt" that snowdin would be 1.5 times as long as the ruins, waterfall 2 times as long as the ruins, and hotland+New Home also 1.5 times that of the ruins. I have no metric for this since the final scenes were not written out yet. It just... feels like it should be that, and I'm kinda scared at how on track it's been.

3. Third goal was to Rewrite my Nanowrimo project from 2021/22. I did this as well! It's still no where near a final draft ready for beta readers or anything, and towards the end of the year I got distracted writing the second book in the trilogy because this is an epic fantasy story so it just HAS to have three books. Maybe I'll self-publish these stories one day. it sure is the most passionate I've ever been about something original i've ever written, but I want to make sure the entire rough draft of all three stories is done first so I can easily go back and add hints in previous parts without having to retcon anything later down the line. I've already had to do it once, so no doubt in my mind I'll have to do it again when I start trying to wrap things up in the final book. Speaking of the sequel, that was my nano project for this year! I won, but much like 2021 and 22, I didn't finish the book. my 21/22 project ended up being roughly 80k words, and I still expect to add about 10k more when I add some missing scenes and flesh out some description. I don't think that will happen with the second book. If anything, I expect it to barely stick around 50k in total because I just know I wrote a lot of filler and junk and repetitive stuff in the first draft this year because I was STRUGGLING with nanowrimo this year. Idk yet if I'm going to make a rewrite of book 2 my nano project for 2024. we'll have to wait and see how I'm feeling once september/october rolls around.

4. My fourth goal was to write 4 one-shots for my fic collection of Blankets, Socks, and Pillow Talk, over on AO3. I didn't do this, mostly because I was too distracted with my original fiction this year. i DID write one one-shot, hilariously during nanowrimo when I was suffering from writers block. Hopefully this year will be different. I would like this fic collection to at least hit 50k words so it could be a full novel of short stories all on its own. I think I can do it, I just need the time and inspiration.

5. My fifth goal, and last one I achieved this year was to finalize the details of the waterfall arc. I'm sure I've said it before in the past, but all the major story beats for Ghost Switch were planned out well before I even drew the first page, but the scenes connecting them were filled in more as I went. Rest assured, I make sure the entire arc is scripted before I start it, but my dirty little secret is that the snowdin arc wasn't completely written until I nearly finished drawing the ruins arc, and I was well into the snowdin arc before the final scenes of the waterfall arc were written down. It is now, and has been for at least 10 months. This was a goal I always knew I would achieve. Sometimes the resolutions I make are things I know are gonna happen whether I want them to or not. Sometimes you just gotta give yourself a guaranteed win to boost your self-confidence, you know? (now I just need to do the same for the Hotland arc. I think it's gonna take me 3 years minimum to finish waterfall, just like it did snowdin, so I got time, but the sooner I figure out the dialogue, the better. Will I make that a goal for this year? Ehh, probably not. I just wanna focus on building a buffer first)

6. The one secret goal was not achieved. If it was, this post wouldn't nearly be as long and you all would have heard about it as soon as it happened. Idk if it will happen this year, or anytime soon. A vicious combination of anxiety, the economy, and the uncertain state of the world make me hesitant to even attempt this goal.

aaand those were all my serious goals for this year! the time is now 10:37, I am tired and dizzy. I'm gonna save this as a draft and get back to it tomorrow~ nighty night~

OKAY! IT'S JANUARY 3RD NOW, 8:34AM! LET"S CONTINUE!

my three casual goals, none of which I accomplished, were;

7) Finish writing clemency. While I didn't do this, I did think about the story a lot. If you've been around since late 2022, You'll know that when AI writing generators started gaining popularity, news broke that the internet was scraped for data sets, including fan fiction websites like AO3. This extremely pissed me off because Fan Fiction is... well, I guess there's no better word than "sacred" to me. The unadulterated desire to write, create, share and expand on media that has touched us, inspired us, (hell, even angered us!) and to do this all purely because we can and we want to, just to make connections with other people who were fans of the same media, people we may never meet, thousands of miles apart from us, who we can touch and inspire in turn... Fan fiction is a gift. it means so much to me, from the professional writer who writes ficlets as an exercise, to tweens just starting their creative writing journey by imagining themselves hanging out with their favorite characters, to the hobbyists who wanted to imagine how things would change if just one thing happened differently, to those who feel underrepresented in media, and want to see themselves be the hero. People working through shit, people who are just bored, people who love a story so much they will retell it a hundred times over so it never has to end. Young, old, girl, boy, fluent writers, to writers in fandom where english is not their first language. It's an amazing, nearly incomprehensible melting pot that can connect us all... and some CEO jerkoffs just wanted to steal all this heart-felt work and feed it to a machine to make a quick buck. I was so enraged, so violated that works of passion could be abused this way that I locked down all my fics on AO3, and you now need to be logged in to read any of them, and I didn't write a word of fan fic in over a year. Every time I thought my anger had cooled off, more news would come up about "AI" generated stories appearing in the kindle app, or authors having works published under their name without their consent because thieves are trying to make a quick buck with their identity to trick fans, or hear that tv show and movie writers being told they are worthless and replacable, and I would get mad all over again. I'm still mad just remembering it, and until actual laws are in place regarding the use of "AI" in art and writing, I'll stay mad, and my stories will be under lock and key. If some good has come out of it, I focused a lot more on original fiction this year, which I haven't shared online at all, so no fear of that being stolen, but I do miss writing fan fic more regularly, yet I can't stand the thought of something I make for fun being taken and used by someone else to line their pockets. It's like... the antithesis of the purpose of storytelling to begin with and makes me sick to my stomach.

WOW! That sure was a rant! Let's move on! My 8th goal and second casual one was to make a comic page buffer of 8 pages. I almost did this one! At one point, (like, the second week of december) I had a buffer of 5 pages because I was finishing up Memory 5 of ghost switch, but then I realized I could line up the end of the memory with the end of the year, and I ended up posting all of my reserve pages in, like, a week! During those weeks, though, instead of making more pages to keep the buffer supplied, I played a lot of video games instead, which I hadn't done since... october? because I didn't touch my PS4 at all during november while I was writing for nanowrimo, and I missed playing Horizon Foridden West and wanted to get back to it. Maybe this year, though? I'm dead set on trying to get to 312 pages before Ghost Switch's 6th birthday, which is, like, 30 pages away, so I gotta improve my output process regardless.

And the 9th goal of mine and the last of the casual ones, was to write that crack fic. This goal has been on my resolutions for a couple years now, but I still haven't done it. I'm gonna blame my AI hatred grudge for this, since it made me not to want to write any fan fic at all this year. I'll get to this someday, but maybe now I should put it on the back burner for some newer goals and projects~

Okay! The time is now 8:57! if you're still reading this stream-of-conscious ramble of mine, it's time for me to list off my goals for this year!

IN 2024 I WOULD LIKE TO...

Read 12 new books this year (one book a month)

Reach 312 pages of Ghost Switch by June 18th (the 6th birthday)

Build (and maintain!) a comic buffer of 8 pages

Go walking on 3 new greenways around my neighborhood

Go camping by myself

Make at least one new song comic

Finish 4 video games to as close to 100% as I can (currently looking at Horizon Forbidden West, the original Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Blue, Carto, Alba, Stray, Journey, Unraveled and The Talos Principle 2, as these games currently entice me the most, but I still want flexibility and options if one game ends up not clicking)

Finish the first rewrite of my 2023 nanoproject (this will probably end up being my nano24 project, if i'm being honest with myself)

Write 4 one-shots for BSapT

-- These 9 goals I want to be serious about, but like last year, I have some casual goals i want to do as well. They include...

10. Get reacquainted with Neocities and make a personal website

11. Learn to code to improve said website/learn to make games

12.Listen to the entire royalty free youtube library for reasons

13. Research every d.o.n.g. ever featured on VSauce, for neocities reasons.

I feel like I had a couple more off-handed things I wanted to do this year, but these 4 casual things are the only ones I can remember at the moment. Maybe I'll come back and add to this list later.

Alright! The time is now 9:37AM, and I have to go run some errands/do some house chores! Saving this again as a draft to come back to this later!

Okay! Done with errands, and it is 11:30am on the nose! Time to resume my inane ramblings and hopefully finish this thing within the next two hours.

One thing I mentioned in my recap/review of 2022 was that I never actually felt like I was looking back on the year in depth. So much was forgotten or blurred together with other years because I didn't keep track of it. Well, this year I kept a monthly diary, again in my personal discord of 1, and wrote in it whenever I felt anything of note or significance happened to me, or whenever I had reoccurring thoughts or feelings. i managed to write in it at least once a month, often times twice, that being every two weeks. I found the whole experience quite therapeutic, frankly, and I'll share snippets of it now, though I will cut out the more personal entries. Be forwarned! A lot of the following text is straight up copied and pasted from my diary entries, so there is a lot of misspellings and short hand. I'll try to fix some of the more obvious ones, but these paragraphs are just as stream-of-concious writing as the rest of this massive post. Anything in parentheses with A/N is me adding context right now on the present day!

january 5th, two very close coworkers of mine quit due to upper management being petty. These two employees had worked here for nearly two decades. They were married to each other and were the mom and dad of the work base, with everyone else relying on them, looking up to them, and going to them for their problems. Them walking out scared everyone lower on the pecking order, because we felt that we were no longer protected from manager bullshit with them gone. I was off the day they walked out and didn't get to say goodbye. the grief I felt upon learning they left caused me to have my first ever anxiety attack that night. It was one of the worst experiences I've ever had in my life. I try to keep in touch, but we don't talk much due to our age gaps and busy work lives.

in January I also had a body-horror nightmare that still makes me squirm just thinking about it. I dreamt no one in the world wore pants, but we were all cool with it because we had pockets built into our legs. Not like... fabric sewn into skin, mind you, I mean naturally evolved extra flaps of flesh over our thighs like the pouch of a cartoon kangaroo. flesh pockets. even in my dream I could feel them. the insides were surprisingly dry and smooth- no sweat or hair in there, but the sensation was uncomfortably irritating, like when you rub your knuckles too much and it feels sore. worst part of this dream was, I woke up, thought "thank god I'll for get this in a few hours", but then watched cartoons later that day and saw a... tom and jerry(?) short where tom also had built in pockets on his body which made me remember everything, and now I can't forget.

February 8th. Watched The Flight if Dragons. Good, campy 80s feel. Drags in some parts, rushed in others. Some aspects feel like they have 0 explanation. (How did peter separate from gorbash? Did peter know that denouncing magic would vanish him from the safe haven? What happened to the princess's parents? EVERYTHING with the wolf and whatever was going on between the huntress and knight. I also Watched 1996 dragonheart. Slow start, but good fun. Pretty decent cgi. Acting is downright TERRIBLE in places, but it was good campy fantasy fun in the end.

On february 14th, I dreamed of a haunted house, but the house wasnt malicious. It felt like a friend that worried for your safety when you left, because it was rooted to the spot and could not come to you when you were in trouble. I did not stay long, and felt melancholic when I had to leave. Once outside, I turned around and said "goodbye house" and waved it farewell. Then, in all the curtains and windows, dozens and dozens of shadowy human arms waved goodbye to me in return, wishing me well and safe travels. It would miss me, but not keep me prisoner, because a house is only a home if you had the freedom to leave and return when you wished.

March 18. I got recommended a video on YouTube about screen savers, and it reminded me of one that our family computer had in the early 00s. After searching for a while, I rediscovered it; the createacard screensaver pack. So many buried memories unearthed. The sense of wanderlust and inspiration and not over such beautiful art came rushing back to me; https://youtu.be/zFPKmnegK0c

I was generally tired for all of march, not having much energy for any project outside of my comic, and even that was starting to wear me down.

I played a lot of kingdom hearts 1 in late February/early march. Synthesized the Ultima weapon for the first time. Cried farming sniper wilds and stealth soldiers because they unsettle me. I'm trying to grind to level 100 before the game is over. Debated on doing a kh song comic this year (A/N: This did not happen)

I want to redo my personal website. Wix added an image file size limit, and my whole site currently surpasses that twice over. The wix site editor is slow and finicky any way. Looked into blogspot and WordPress. I want to start a xenofiction book review podcast. Are solo podcasts popular? I Looked into neocities. Felt an overwhelming sense of nostalgia and child-like wonder. Made my own account/basic website, but haven't edited anything yet.

I got hit with the seasonal depression late February/early march, watched some home gardening videos on youtube and got inspired. The videos I watched were about people building actual massive scale pond and lakes, but I just went to home depot and Lowe's and Wal-Mart, bought, like, 12 different kinds of vegetable and flower seeds, 3 long rectangular planters and 2 massive bags of dirt. I also bought some peat seed starters, a plant heating pad (which I might just give to my cat) and a plant light. I spent over 150$ total.

My cat turned 5 years old on the 15th this march as well!

In late april I got really into analog/digital horror args and unfiction realities. Been watching a lot of Night Mind and similar analysis videos (I'm too lazy and dumb to try and solve them myself).

April 28th. Maternal grandfather might be passing soon. He's been in and out of hospitals since late January, needs around the clock assisted living, and my mom and her sister are constantly having to take time out of their lives to help him. I hate it. It's stressful and aggravating to mom, the assisted living people are incompetent, and my mom is stretching herself thin, running ragged trying to do everything at once. It's not fair to her. It's not fair to anyone.

May 11th. Mom's computer has a solitaire program with hundreds of versions of solitaire, most of which have gone unplayed. Ive been trying new games and learning them through trial and error (the "rules" tab doesnt work because it accesses a file that is no longer installed on this computer). Ive found new favorites in "twenty" and in "carpet". It makes life just a little bit more interesting.

June 4th. Been really into watching blind lets plays of undertale from 2022/3 lately, as well as dissection/discussion of undertale's music. Also into shayy's undertale mods. Glad the fandom is still having fun with this game. Got interested in pokemon infinite fusion. Downloaded it, but havent played yet. Getting back into PMD, though I have to grind now for leveling and evolving mons I cant recruit. Took a break from listening to librivox books, but might pick it up again. Same with checking in on flight rising. This year will be it's 10th birthday iirc

Looked at my ao3 recently and noticed I havent written anything in over 6 months. Still mad about the AI data scraping. I didn't stop writing entirely though. I spent all of October, November, January and February writing an original story, and still really proud/excited about it. Finished typing the rough draft on Wednesday, taking a break before I start edits.

All my flowers I planted in February are dying. Has a lot of rain this year. I think they're getting over watered.

June 6th. Been thinking a lot about Hawaii recently. I miss my old school and house. Went to Google earth to look at it again. I think our old neighborhood of [REDACTED] was razed and rebuilt becuase the streets dont look the same. This makes me feel… Not quite sad or bitter, but hurt none the less. I knew ever since we moved here chances of going back would be slim, but knowing my most nostalgic childhood home is gone forever…

Saturday June 17th fucking sucked for everyone. Two coworkers got seriously injured at work. My car battery completely died and couldn't be jump started. Had to call for a tow and wait 2+ hours for it to arrive. Wanted to cancel but they told me I would be charged even if the tow never arrived. Got charged 80 extra dollars for a "wench fee" I didn't need, but they talked to fast for me to think about it. Massive accident on the 4-lane highway home put all traffic down to 1 lane, and we were stuck there an extra hour. Dairy Queen's lobby closed early, going to drive through only, sonic was OUT OF ICE CREAM, and the local grocery store was almost sold out too. Did not get home until almost 10pm. Both my car AC and my mom's car a.c. don't work. I FUCKING LOVE OWNING A CAR. IT'S SO MUCH FUN AND SO FREEING.

June 28. Been playing a new video game recently; horizon forbidden west. Price dropped by 50% on Amazon and I had a 10$ gift card so I got the game for 1/3 the launch price. It's okay so far. Been slowly exploring and uncovering the map, ignoring the main story and discovering secrets. There is definitely A LOT more to do in this game than in the first. Dont really like a lot of Aloy's line deliveries. Some of the controls are different which throws me off. Robo enemies cool as ever, though noticeably fewer dinosaur ones.

Mom continues to take care of her dad. Aunt does too. All of mom's free time and energy this summer has been stolen by him. She keeps insisting she won't have to look after him as much when he gets better. I don't think he's ever getting better.

All my flowers I planted back in March have died. It's just too damn hot for them. It's too hot for everyone. We have just hit ten straight days with weather in the triple digits. I'm miserable.

Might have to replace my laptop soon. It's almost 12 years old, the battery doesn't work anymore, it overheats, and it's super slow. Looking into gaming laptops.

June 29; grandfather passed away last night. All I feel is relief.

July 11th. I got gifted my grandfather's bed, but had to switch it back out with my old bed because it was too soft and fucking up my back. No lumbar support.

July wrap up: month went by sooo fast I can hardly believe it. Its too fucking hot. Texas is stuck in a heat cyclone. Havent played solitare in a while, or listened to audio books. I managed to do 7 jigsaw puzzles this summer, and hope to do one more. each one has been 1000 pieces minimum, with two being 2000 pieces, and 1 being 3000. I should have taken more pictures of them finished, but it's fun to know we finished one puzzle per week this whole summer.

August 5th; Wish I recorded some smaller details throughout the year, not realizing id want to recall the last time I did something. When was the last time I intentionally watched a movie or listened to a specific song? (but then again, how will I know I'm going to think the exact thought; "when was the last time I did X specific thing?") I rewatched wolf children 2 months back for the first time in years, same with relistening to HeyHiHello songs. Been having a lot of lower back pain lately. Stretching helps, but I can no longer sit or sleep in my favorite position without cramping up. I need to be perfectly straight and i hate it. (A/N: The very next night I pulled a muscle in my back so bad I thought I was paralyzed. for the first time in years, I had to call in sick to work because I could not physically move from my bed)

August 19th. Went to a chiropractor. No pinched nerves or slipped disc, just a pulled muscle. Stretching helps and have been wearing a back brace. Finally had grandpa's memorial on the tenth. It was nice to learn he made friends at his community center. I'll try to be out going when I'm old too. Doctors would not sign his death certificate for 7 weeks because they just didn't give a shit, and we finally threatened to call a lawyer. He finally got cremated.

August 30th- recently had to go to pepboys to get my car fixed again. It was "stuck" in neutral. Grandma came and picked me up to let me go home. She said she doesnt plan to be driving much longer and intends to give her car to me. I dont know how to feel about this. Grateful for the future gift? Sad that she is getting older? I had to have my car towed and had to leave work early, which I hate doing because it makes me feel like I'm leaving everyone else to do my work, but I did not want another repeat with the towing situation that happened in june.

September 19th. I finally put on my brave face and ordered a new laptop for myself earlier this month (the 5th to be precise) and today it finally arrived. I bought myself an HP omen gaming laptop. It's so nice, but also different and a little scary trying to adjust to all this new interface. I went from using windows 7 for the last 11 years to jumping into windows 11. It'll be an adjustment. Gotta re-download all my old programs and transfer my files. Hope my drawing tablet will still work on this laptop. Might have to buy a new one of those as well. I already hate the subscription model being used if you want to do ANYTHING with the tech YOU BOUGHT nowadays. Goodbye microsoft office! It was fun while I knew you! I got libreoffice now! Fuck off adobe! OpenShot and Shotcut are my video editing programs now! I still need to learn my way around OBS, opentoonz, and pencil2d, but I gotta say there's something.... rustic? homey? about having a desktop full of opensource programs made by people who want to help other creatives free of charge. I miss the days where you buying something meant you own it forever, but free homegrown programs updated by community feels friendlier than just owning a shiny "offical" big named piece of software, I gotta admit.

The new laptop is wonderfully fast and silent. It cost me 2 grand so I hope it lasts just as long as my old one. There is no removable battery from what I can tell, which is sad. Also no disc drive. The keys light up rainbow which is cool (but I had to turn that feature off to improve battery life). I customized the desktop background to some concept art of the videogame RiME. (I thought I had saved the default bg pic from my old laptop to my external hard drive, but I guess I hadn't?) Funny to me that in the 10+ years of owning my second ever laptop, I never changed the wallpaper because I liked the default art so much. Might add more art to a file and have the wallpaper rotate. I want to replay RiME again too. Love the simple gameplay and strong colors of that game.

October 4th. So much has happened in 2 weeks, it feels much longer than that. I pretty much completely switched to using my new lap top ad my main computer, transferred all the files, downloaded a bunch of open source software for writing documents, video editing, streaming and animation. Fuck you Microsoft. I shouldn't need an account to use basic microsoft word. Hope to bring back page making streams next year for patrons~ ive even been playing some steam games that my old laptop just couldn't run, and quite a few new ones as well. Candleman, carto, so many fun and charming titles~ replaying snakebird because all my progress was lost 🥲I'm not mad. I love snake bird.

I have so much desire to do so many things, but not enough time to do them. I need to queue up my november posts for tumblr before I go on break. I need to get my oil changed soon. I want to go back on steam and play more humongous entertainment games. I want to write, I want to draw, I want to animate, I want to learn how to quilt and crochet and garden. I want to do it all right now all at the same time. I want to go on a nature walk. I want to see my friends.

Its finally starting to cool off. We still get in the 90s easily, but it rained last night for the first time in weeks, and we havent hit 100 degrees in a couple of days. Been reading a lot of webtoons lately. Been having the urge to start my own with my original storylines, or at least use webtoons as a backup/mirror for my fan comic. So many unique stories there all ready. So many fun art style and worlds to get lost in. I love stories and the people that tell them. The joy of creating a tale and sharing it with the world is humanity in its purest form.

November 1st: youtube is cracking down on adblockers. Havent had any problems yet on desktop, but on this day, my default youtube app on my lg smart phone started showing me ads for the first time in the 8+ years I've had it. I was so mad that i forced stopped the app, and logged into youtube through an ad block browser app instead. Some of the app's features will be missed, like being able to watch a video and search at the same time, but these little annoyances are nothing compared to the fury I felt at being shown ads. I didn't write nearly as much as I wanted to for nanowrimo today because of this.

November 6th: I turned 31! Both my friends forgot my birthday, and I wasn't able to reserve a camping site for the April 8th eclipse next year! 🙃 ive been writing like mad for nanowrimo, but I'm still falling behind.

December 17. Has it really been a whole month since i last made a diary update? Thanksgiving came and went. No drama at our house but my mom and I watched an argument unfold in the yard of our neighbors. The one mobile game I play, dragon's world, officially shut down for me 4 days ago. I'm a little sad I could never 100% it, but glad I got as far as I did, and even managed to buy some dergs so it didnt feel all my hard earned gems went to waste. Havent uninstalled the app yet out of nostalgia, even though I only played this game for a year and a half. I made the mistake of reinstalling the google play store to look for a new dragon raising game, but none had the same appeal, and the reinstall caused my discord app to update and hate it ):< I kinda want to learn how to make a mobile game of my own like dragons world, but with gryphons instead and a focus on rescue/rehabilitation and zoology angle. (I mostly just dont like how common fighting is in these kind of games.) Finally been playing horizon forbidden west after a few months away. I'm not progressing the story, just trying to max upgrade all my gear. It's a fun challenge~

December 26, 2023. Got bit by a dog at work on Christmas. Right on the nail of my middle finger. He broke my nail but not my skin. Its odd. Thankfully I can still draw without much issue. I got a tetanus shot and flu shot just to be safe. Mom got me a tent for Christmas because I plan to go camping by myself next year, even though I wont get to see the eclipse on my outing.

The fan game undertale yellow came out on the 9th… Which was before my last journal update? I've been enjoying the game play but the story is just a little... eh. the sprite work is phenominal, though, no complaints there. I hate that it's making me want to write my own AU version of it already to "improve" it, since I think the story loses its way pretty much once you leave the ruins. (maybe I can try to shove it into Clemency in stead since i still haven't finished that either).

I watched a documentary on kangaroos on netflix this month. I had to play it at 1.25 speed because I swear they slowed down every single clip for the film to get it to a certain length. I also watched "dog gone trouble" which had terrible voice work and awful character design, and then "back to the outback" which was surprisingly well made even if the characters stumbled sometimes, but I'd easily recommend it. I want to watch more Christmas movies before the year is through. (A/N: this also did not happen).

Finally uninstalled dragons world today. My phone's been acting up. Hope I don't have to replace it soon. I don't like how, nowadays, the technology I pay for, I don't actually own, and features are being removed left and right. I'm afraid any "new" phone on the market offered now won't nearly last as long as my current one has.

Aaand that was a brief glimpse into my year! The time is now 1:10pm! I already have one other post going up today, so I'll queue this one to go up on thursday instead~ if you managed to read this far, thank you so much, i guess! I hope my ramblings don't make you see me differently as a person. It's odd reflecting on where I was in my life over these past 12 months, remembering my state of mind and the feelings I felt as I wrote these entries. I'll be sure to do it again this year.

Overall, did I learn anything?...no, I don't think so? I did come to the realization that at the end of every year, in multiple youtube videos and tumblr posts, people mentioned how hard the year was for them, but like... after june, for me, everything improved quite a lot. it doesn't feel right to say that 2023 was hard for me. It was unbearably sad for me at the beinging. annoying and (physcially) painful half way through, but once august hit... everything slowly started to get better, despite the small petty things I complained about in my journal entries above. youtube ads, car troubles and discontinued apps of games I enjoyed still feel like small potatoes when compared to what I accomplished. Finished writing a draft of personal fiction, finished a major arc of a fan comic, got a new laptop to stream and share art with others, played a bunch of new video games, and generally enjoyed life for the latter half of this year.

And it almost feels selfish to say that... I'm happy.

I hope I can stay happy in 2024 as well.

Thanks for reading~

Have a safe and joyous 2024~

#long post #year in review #new year's resolutions #2023 review

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jean-meowreau · 3 months ago

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Meow or M.

Used to be @/bokuakamazing.

I'm gonna set up a proper info post for myself but for now I'm sharing my simple one from Twitter just bc I want to make sure everything is a safe space for anyone following me!! I try to do my best to give tags for certain content but I may mess up and if it's not for you please feel free to take care of yourself first and foremost and unfollow ♡

A note: I do not personally consume or share non-con content but some people consider high sex, heat/rut sex in A/B/O, and somno between consenting partners to be non-con so I have that there. I don't consume or share explicit assault content, including content with minors in NSFW situations at all. I do support CNC, which is an established BDSM setting between consenting partners who've set up limits before a scene.

Adding incest to this list. Never really had to think about it until now.

I am not a furry but some of the art is stunning but ik it can be an ick for some. I do share content like death, suicide, self-harm, eating disorders - exploration and also some trauma exploration. I write and may share content around torture because learning about it was a special interest when I was younger and I do still find it intriguing.

I share trans content that some young trans peeps can find triggering: bottoming from the front, non-op trans art/fic, and maybe some pregnancy content. (Pregnancy is triggering to me so this is very rare but I may share content discussing why telling trans men they can't get pregnant is transphobic and also informative posts/graphics about pregnancy and how to keep yourself safe should you become pregnant and are heading towards birth.)

I'm queer and ig agender, I kinda don't care. Preferred pronouns are it/its but as someone who's grown up half my time in Texas I understand that using them can be triggering, so he/him is also okay. My romantic labels depend on my partner(s) gender orientation. I love everyone in a gay way, so sometimes I'm a girlfriend, sometimes I'm a boyfriend, sometimes I'm a partner. I'm not here to debate it. If you can't handle that just leave now.

I'm a cult survivor, still deconstructing but 8 years free. I'm agnostic and do often share sacrilegious content so if that is something you're uncomfortable with I recommend muting tags like "sacrilege" and/or "sacrilegious" if you want to keep following. I respect religion and everyone's preference/practice, please respect my decision to not know who/what is in charge and not really give a fuck about it rn.

My interests atm(Aug. 28 2024) are: AFTG, Call of Duty, Haikyuu, Teen Wolf, Good Omens, Dead Boy Detectives, Our Flag Means Death, Interview With a Vampire, What We Do In The Shadows, and other medias I see every so often from mutuals. Sometimes I share art/writing of fandom I'm not even in because I like it. I'll usually try to copy in OPs tags for fandoms and characters and ships where applicable so hopefully tag mutes work.

My Twitter and Instagram are the same username as my blog title.

My AO3 pseuds(by fandom)

- ErlKönig (Call of Duty)

- WretchedLittleRunaway (AFTG)

- SquishySterek (Teen Wolf - very old)

- BokuAkAmazing (Haikyuu - old, not as old as TW)

I do have an Etsy store:

I sell my own merch designs/jewelry and also run my charity projects through here. At the moment I am running:

@sunshine-soap-zine - A huge appreciation zine for John Soap MacTavish (Call of Duty)

@aftg-pinups - an AFTG Pinup Calendar

@cobooty-pinups - A Call of Duty pinup calendar (second year)

My DMs and ask box are always open. I'm autistic so please use tone tags/clarify tone when you can. I'm happy to discuss things I'm in opposition towards but please know I do not owe you my mental or emotional health and can stop/refrain if I so choose.

Thank you ♡

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tethered-heartstrings · 1 year ago

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Have you ever talked about your writing process?

I probably have but i can share it again!

It's long so I put it under the cut!

I start with an idea and write it down as soon as I can. I'll add details or scenes/imagery I want to see and maybe even quotes or bits of dialogue I want to use. doesn't need to be linear, just need to Get The Idea Out so I don't forget anything.

Often times I will talk to a mutual about an idea. in explaining the idea, the story comes more alive. because in my own head I can see the "in between" pieces so my own notes can be a bit choppy. but having to tell someone else, for them to see the vision, I give more details. such as why I chose a certain line or how something in the beginning connects to something later in the story. even if it doesn't have plot and is a pwp, I can still explain what I see in my head in a very clinical sense. inevitably, whoever I told hypes me up and the excitement adds to my momentum. they can also ask clarifying questions that help me explain a detail better and more fully develop the idea beyond some bullet points bouncing around in my head. I do this to varying degrees; the more plot, the more I tend to elaborate. sometimes them asking a question gives me an idea to add something new I hadn't thought of before.

I also keep a list of my fic ideas on a private and personal discord, categorized by sfw/nsfw. then in each channel (one for each fic), i can add my notes and rambling ideas, images, quotes, etc (including from dms of mutuals I have told) and have them all in one place so I can refer to it alter and am not relying on my memory.

Once I have that, I open up a new document leaving space for a title and tags to be filled in later. rarely does a title come to me immediately. then I write a rough plot summary. it's very much like "this then that then this" without much detail or emotion. very much a river of thought as the story starts to paint itself. this makes sure that I have somewhere to go if I blank out. the store is "written" from start to finish, there is no guess work on what will happen next so I don't get stuck. usually a plot summary is about 10% of the length that the finished fic will be. This one I developed later and has helped me IMMENSELY. because, for example, I once started a fic with a really solid idea but no end goal. I ended up writing 77k and I've basically abandoned it because I have no idea how to finish it, so I am stuck. It would have been a lot less work for me if I had planned it out fully. I tend to not do this for pwps; those kind of write themselves. I get an idea of a particular trope/scene I want to see and write until I get there.

After that, I go line by line and flesh it all out. instead of "will went to bed and had a nightmare", I describe the room, his fear, the nightmare itself, his thoughts about it etc. as the story develops, the original plot summary can change as a new idea can spark. I almost always add a scene or change one dramatically in this stage. The trick to this is I don't stop and go back. I don't let myself edit, I just get the story done. It helps keep momentum and the next scene fresh in my mind. editing slows me down and is my least favorite part and can be discouraging. But if I just go from point A to B to C in one go, then the likelihood it gets finished goes up dramatically.

That is like the first "bulking" of the fic, adding the first several layers of detail. I then go to the top and read through it again, adding even more detail, changing words around if I use one too much, etc. This stage often adds more bulk to the story but not as much as the last stage. sometimes it adds a lot, like priest fic first stage was 18.5k, but with editing it became almost 28k.

Once I feel a fic is actually done and nothing needs to be added, I start to microedit. Nothing more than a sentence gets changed at a time, and my goal is to find tense, spelling, grammar, punctuation errors. more fine toothed comb. I also have my fic and a blank document side by side so I can add tags as I read through it so I don't forget something.

Usually in writing the fic, a title kind of just Happens. sometimes I need to really think about it, and I will often write several down and get opinions. Once I have a title (or deciding between some), complete tags, and a fic, I send it to my beta reader. another set of eyes is SO extremely helpful, and not even just for small errors I missed. some things that made sense to Me need more clarification because my beta reader can't read my mind. and if they are confused, readers likely will be, too. I also can ask if chapter breaks make sense or where they should be.

As I wait for my fic to be returned, or sometimes in procrastination of writing it, I start to find images for a tumblr post. If its a full fic, I like to make a moodboard, and share this with my beta reader too. If it's a pwp, I tend to use just one image. Soooometimes I make/find the images before I even write it lmao. Then I post it, make a tumblr post, and link to my ao3.

I also don't post until my fic is DONE. I am so impatient sometimes but with my first Hannibal fic, I was posting as I was writing and for me, it was really stressful not really knowing when it would end and what would happen next. I am happy and lucky it turned out and became a cohesive fic in the end, but that process was Not Ideal for me.

Not all ideas happen, though. some are more exciting to think of or talk about than to actually make happen. some I know will be long fics/a lot of work/take a lot of time so I hold off on those until I can give them more attention and time. Others take over my entire brain and I cannot rest until it is done.

#hope this was helpful anon!#anonymous #the curious clown #''little gold'' was no strategy. lmao #I slowly developed this process and it has been SO incredibly helpful and made it so I actually got fics done #also if this has typos sorry lol. too tired to edit

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entomjinx · 2 years ago

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Hello!

Before you continue: Eat something, drink something, take your meds, and get some rest if you haven't. This blog will still exist tomorrow. <3

I don't think I ever had a proper pinned post for this blog, so I'm doing that now! (Last updated: 9/23/2023)

My name is Jinx, and I use all pronouns. You may perceive me however you see fit to, and it is impossible for you to be incorrect.

This blog is for my orginal content. I do not reblog things here unless I am adding to it, or doing an ask game of some sort. The blog where I reblog literally everything and anything I see is @jinx13gxa2 . Follow that one at your own risk, because there is so much spam.

My ask box is always open, and anons stay on. I'm to anxious to leave asks on people's pages 99% of the time so I want to keep that curtesy extended for others like me. I'm a loser with too much going on in my head and I'd love to talk with you! Honestly, I'm probably as anxious about answering you as you are about sending something!

This links you too all of my socials.

I mostly write fics on Ao3, but I occasionally post doodles and such here too. I love to do headcanon lists, but I haven't made any in a long time.

Fandoms I currently create content for:

Fairy Tail (Link to the post about the LGBTQIA+ friendly server that I help run (still semi-active: 2/28/23)) (I don't currently plan on coming back.)

One Piece (Main Fandom as of 2023)

Fandoms I previously created content for, but likely will never return to:

Edens Zero (No new posts.)

I would like to keep this blog as discourse free as possible, as every time I've been thrown into it, I've been harassed, told to kill myself, and in two cases, doxxed. Some of that harassment still continues to this day, and I regularly have to delete anon asks with disturbing content. I will block drama causers without response, as I no longer feel the need to try and back sass you to "one up" you like I did as a teenager. I'm 22, I've grown passed that, and I'm tired. We can coexist quietly and amicably or we can block one another and move on.

Below this is the context of the previous discourse I was involved in, because I'd rather be transparent for anyone just showing up. Warning: It's not as short as I'd like. (TWs: mentions of stalking, harassment, death threats, and suicide baiting)

I will not be deleting any old discourse. It is something I was involved in regardless of how much I wish I wasn't, so I refuse to just erase it despite my personal growth. Everyone may do stupid shit as a teen, however, that will not stop me from holding myself to a higher standard explicitly because it's me. 2019-2020 ish is where the last of the public responses end, I believe.

When I first joined the Fairy Tail fandom, I had a real life stalker, who used the ship Gray/Juvia (and many others) as an example of why I would have to fall in love with him eventually. I was fourteen. This fucked me up beyond belief.

Because of that whole fiasko, I politely asked shippers of the ship and people who really loved Juvia's character to DNI. I wanted nothing to do with it because it brought up all of that trauma and fear. I immediatly began recieving harassment and I was being told that the only reason I didn't like them was because I shipped queer ships in the fandom and thought Juvia was "in the way." The latter didn't bother me much, but the mass amounts of messages telling me to kill myself was incredibly straining.

I fully acknowledge that none of the following was the correct way to go about things, even if it was much better than the alternatives(ex: harassing back).

So I started putting out little anlyses showing the toxicity of the relationship and Juvia's various mental health issues that are never dealt with in the series, and I've even written fics about it. The harassment only grew worse.

I couldn't---and still really don't---understand why people would seek out people who don't like what they do just to harass them, and vice versa. That's why I and a few others who didn't enjoy the ship created a vent blog to keep all of the dislike for the ship contained, and even encouraged shippers to block us, which unfortunately, did not work. We wanted it to stay away from anyone who didn't want to see it, but to be there for those who needed that space to vent about it without it being traced back to their blogs where they could be harassed and sent death threats for disliking something. (This blog is no longer used by anyone. it's been fully shut down, as it should have never existed at all.)

It backfired greatly, and even now I get 15-20 anon asks a week telling me how I should end my life. Sometimes they spike up randomly into 100 a week for shits and giggles.

Because of the way that the harassers treated my friends and I, I believed fiction affected reality on a 1:1 ratio for a long time, which it doesn't. I thought the whole "Anti vs proshipping" discourse was a firm stance on your morals because no one corrected me, yet I was being harrassed by both, which is what forced me to come to terms with the fact that I was being played like a fiddle for a fool.

The entire thing was incredibly immature and ridiculous. Fiction does not affect reality on a 1:1 scale, and it's better for dark topics to be explored in fiction than in real life. That doesn't mean I should have been harassed for not wanting to interact with a certain aspect of it, but that also means I should have just blocked people who were harassing me instead of giving them the angry responses they wanted.

I will fully admit to many of my responses being made out of anger, fear and with more generalizations than they should have been because of the above. Those people were also harassing my friends and I, so I do not feel remorse for being unkind, only for being unfair with my comparisons of fiction to reality.

I have never told anyone to kill themselves, that they should be caught in an accident, or harassesed anyone. I hate the way it feels to be told those things, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemies nor the people who harassed me.

Should you scroll down into my blog, you may encounter some of this very angry discourse, and you will, due tumblr showing you the most recent posts first, encounter some of the final, angriest pieces of that discourse without the context for any of it. So here's your context, make of it what you will, and I can only hope that you don't judge me solely on 14-18 year old me's poor descisions and reactions.

#pinned intro #bio post #if there's typos in this oh well #i'll fix it later

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duhragonball · 2 years ago

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Janwum III Update: 7827

Been a while since I checked in on this front, so let’s pull up a chair, swing it around to sit in it backwards, and discuss the state of this writing project.

Basically, I set out to do a big chunk of the 2023 apocrypha liveblog, and knock out 20,000 words in my fic in the same month. I had a plan to write 645 words each day, figuring I could liveblog stuff and still have time left over to sneak in the writing. Also, I keep trying to challenge myself to write consistent daily word goals, and I thought this would be the way to do it.

But around Day 12 or so I got fed up with switching back and forth, and the GT posts were coming along so well that I decided to shift my focus to just that. And now I’ve got GT liveblog posts queued up through the end of the Baby Saga, which leaves me just six days to finish the Janwum goal.

Honestly, I think this worked out for the best, as I now have to average a little over 2k words per day, and I now have a clear shot to do so, where before I was constantly distracting myself with the other thing. I guess I’m just not much of a multitasker. Given two jobs with the same deadline, I’ll always try to push as far forward with one as I can go before tackling the other. Fortunately, I took this into account when I planned the year, but I was just so eager to start the liveblog that I couldn’t wait until after I had written the 20k. I should have just flip-flopped the order from the start.

Also, punting a story 645 words at a time is kind of a pain in the ass. If I’m not feeling it, a small word goal is going to feel just as agonizing as a longer one, and if I am feeling it, I’m just cutting off my own momentum. I probably should have made sure to reach 10000 before stopping, but I pumped the brakes for a reason and I shouldn’t second-guess it now.

In any event, critiquing GT has been very instructive for me, as I feel like I have a better handle on what works and what doesn’t in a fictional fight scene. A big problem I have with writing Demigra is that it’s really unclear what he can and can’t do, and his power level is literally “strong enough to give your OC a hard time, but still lose.” It’s a lot like General Rildo, actually.

Also, one thing I wasn’t counting on was how rewatching GT has taken me back to 2004-2006, when I first came up with Luffa. I still remember looking up the “List of Vegetables” article on Wikipedia at my job to pick out her name. I wanted more out of Dragon Ball, and GT had been such a disappointment that I realized I would have to write my own stuff to get what I wanted, and yet I couldn’t think of a way to continue the canon story that would satisfy me. So I started thinking about making my own Super Saiyan, and realized the distant past would be a blank slate for me to work with. And GT’s mishandling of Pan and Bulla had a lot to do with my wanting to make the OC a woman.

Occasionally, I’ve questioned some of the decisions I’ve made with the fic. It gets pretty dark and violent in places, but then I rewatch the stale, saccharine hijinks in GT, and I remember how fed up I was with it. Not everything has to be edgy, but Funimation promoted GT with a lot of grim, ominous ads. The dub narrator always sounded like he was about to tell local prosecutors how he disposed of the bodies. But then the anime itself would always be Pan whining about some damn thing, and Goku saying he’s hungry again. I wanted something with more bite to it, and it’s taken me umpteen years to make it happen, but I’m doing it.

Well, I need to get cracking. I’ll see you later.

#janwum iii

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khoicesbyk · 2 years ago

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The Royal Romance.

Love Everlasting.

A/N: I had a different name and plot for this fic over a year ago. But after being in the RP community for more than a year, I've decided to write the current Royal Life of my favorite OTP.

Rated: Mature (at times can and will be Explicit. I'll be sure to change the rating when and if that happens). | Contains sexual content and strong language. (You know? The usual. Y'all should be used to this from me by now 😁) | Bolded and/or italicized words are conversations and thoughts of the characters. | Main Characters: King Marquise Rys (LI) and Queen Shanelle Miller-Rys (MC) | All Characters and names: (except MC and original characters created by me and/or other authors [their characters have been mentioned and/or used in the story with their permission] ) are property of Pixelberry.

Current Word Count: 40K words. (may be slightly more or may be slightly less. Look, I stop counting after editing and re-editing and driving myself insane. 🤷🏾‍♀️).

If you’d like to be added to my tag list. Just reblog or dm me and I will gladly add you! 😁😘

This series is rated Mature and/or Explicit. It is NOT reading material that is safe for those under 18. Reader discretion is STRONGLY advised!

Missing a chapter or want to read a chapter again? I got you covered! Click ——> Here!

Tag List: @choicesficwriterscreations @shewillreadyou @txemrn @twinkleallnight @peonierose

This goes without saying but MAJOR SHOUTOUT AND THANK YOU TO @shewillreadyou! I swear! She always helps me untangle the tangled mess that is known as my brain when it comes to writing and story ideas. I love you girl! 😘

Listen this chapter has 8 different ideas and story plots that I had all dumped into one chapter. Hence why it is so damn long. I just kept writing until I knew it was done. This will be a four-part chapter. This is part one.

Chapter 7.) One Last Goodbye. Part 1.

Shanelle was sitting at her desk going over her business model for Rys International with a fine tooth comb, when her phone started to vibrate. When she looked at who was calling her on FaceTime she rolled her eyes. It was her best friend's twin brother Cassian, who just happened to be her childhood ex-boyfriend.

“Hello?”

“What the hell is wrong with you Shanelle?” he asked.

“Excuse me?”

“When were you going to tell me Nina was in rehab?!”

Shanelle looked around like she was hearing things.

“First of all, who the fuck are you talking to like that? Second, I didn't tell you because it wasn't my story to tell.”

“I had a right to know!” he snapped at her.

“Cass. You got one more time to raise your voice at me before I make you a distant memory.”

Cassian backed down.

“When did this all happen?” he asked.

“The night she came home,” Shanelle replied.

Cass shook his head.

“Well, that explains why you walked right past me and didn't say anything that night at the hospital.”

“Your memory must be slipping. Because I stopped talking to you long before she came home. Why the hell would I have talked to you that night?” Shanelle asked.

“Because I'm her brother Princess,” he replied.

“That's Queen you dick!” she hissed.

“You should've told me, Shanelle.”

“Okay, I'm gonna say this again. No, I shouldn't have.”

“I'm her brother. I should've been kept in the loop.”

“Exactly. You’re her brother. Not your father. Although you constantly like to act like your dad.”

Shanelle watched him roll his eyes.

“How did she even get to rehab?” he asked.

“Not that I owe you an explanation but, remember when she moved in with me when I worked in D.C. for a few months?”

“Yeah, what about it?” he asked.

“That was the cover story we came up with to put your parents at ease. The truth is she wasn't staying with me, at least not the whole time. She was an hour away at an inpatient rehab facility in Virginia. And before you go flying off the rails, I called and checked on her every day. And she was allowed to come to my place on weekend passes. I made sure to keep up with the staff treating her. And when she got clean and felt strong enough, she went back to New York, and moved in with Chut and continued at an outpatient rehab facility.”

“And you didn't think I needed to know any of this?” he asked Shanelle.

“Nope. Not in the least. My priority was her and her well-being not you and your need to know. Besides, the last thing she needed at that time was you and your constant condescendence.” she replied.

“That is not fair and you know it Shanelle.”

“Yeah well, neither is life, Cass. But hey! We all gotta deal with it somehow.”

“Whatever.”

“Yeah. So are we done here?” she asked.

“No. I'm not letting you off the hook that easily,” he replied.

Shanelle groaned.

“Last time I checked, I don't answer to you. Hell, I don't answer anyone for that matter.”

“You could've told my parents. Hell, you could've told Chut or my brother. But you decided to keep your mouth shut. You decided to keep her family in the dark.”

“Yeah, I did. Because I had to, she begged me to keep quiet. It was the only way she would ever agree to go to rehab. So I swore to her that night that I would take it to my grave. Only she and I would know. She needed help, Cass. And I did what I had to do to get her that help. And if it bothers you that I didn't tell you or anyone else, then it's just gonna have to bother you. Because I will never apologize for helping her and not telling you about it.”

“You have a really misconstrued view of what loyalty means Shanelle.”

“First of all, go fuck yourself. Second, hello pot. My name is kettle. You wouldn't happen to be calling me black, would you?”

“I would've told you if the roles were reversed, Shanelle.”

Shanelle rolled her eyes.

“A.) you’re lying through your teeth. Which means B.) you wouldn't have said a damn thing to me.”

“I'm not lying.”

Shanelle pinched the bridge of her nose.

“I know I've said this to you before Cass, but I'll go ahead and say it again for old time's sake: you are a terrible fucking liar. You have a Tell, you idiot. And it's quite literally the easiest thing in the world to spot.”

She watched him cut his eyes at her.

“How did you even find this rehab place in Virginia?” he asked.

“The Cordonian Consulate hosted an event for a D.C. charity that provided rehab services to veterans. So I called the director of the charity and he put me in touch with the rehab facility and the rest is ancient history. Or it should be.” she replied.

“So you got her in for free?” he asked.

“Nope. I had to pay for it.”

“How were you able to do that?” he asked.

“I did what I always did. I signed my father’s signature on a check,” she replied.

“You committed check fraud?! What is wrong with you?!” he asked.

“Oh, I'm sorry. Are you complaining? You? Mr. ‘Hey Nelle. Listen um I don't mean to ask this but I'm a little short this month, do you think you can help me out a little bit?’ Are we really having THAT conversation?”

Cassian kept his mouth shut.

“Oh, well would you look at that? Sweet silence!”

Cass let out a frustrated sigh.

“How much was the check?” he asked.

Shanelle shrugged.

“$9,800.00 for six months inpatient,” she replied.

“Does your father know you forged his name on a check that big?”

“No, he doesn't. At least he doesn't know about it to my knowledge. But my husband knows about it.”

“Oh so you can tell him but you couldn't tell me?!” he asked.

Shanelle rolled her eyes.

“No, I didn't tell him. There was a 7-day hold put on the check because it was way over the international limit of $5,000.00.” she replied.

“Meaning what?” he asked.

“Meaning that since it was written from my dad’s Cordonian Account, it had to be cleared by The Royal Treasury. And at that time, Marquise was the head of the Treasury so he was the one who had to clear it.” she replied.

Cass scoffed.

“So he busted you?” he asked.

“Yeah. He figured out that my dad didn't write the check, so he called and asked why I wrote a check that big. All I told him was it was an emergency and that I needed the check cleared immediately. He cleared it and warned me never to write a check that big without telling him first. Otherwise, I would've had to get approval from either his father or my uncle at the time. And he knew that I would rather have a root canal from Edward Scissorhands without any Novocaine than face either one of them.” she replied.

Cass shook his head.

“You're lucky I don't have my badge anymore.”

“Oh bitch, please! Even if you had that stupid ass badge you still wouldn't have been able to do shit about it.”

“I could've busted you for check fraud Shanelle.”

“First off, you God awful twat, you were a low-level marshal! You couldn't bust anybody. Second, Diplomatic Immunity exists for a reason. Third, even if you were somehow able to bust me for it, you'd then have to turn around and explain every single check that I ever wrote for you, because of course there is a record of each check.”

She watched a muscle in his jaw tick.

“So in conclusion, I'm gonna need you to get off your self-righteous high horse. Because you are no hero. You love to act like one because you have a severely fucked up hero complex that isn't satisfied unless you’re riding in on your white horse to save the day, but you sir are no hero. Far fucking from it.”

“You always did know how to cover your tracks.” he sneered.

“I know you mean that to be an insult Cass, but I'm choosing to take it as a compliment. Because you’re right, I do know how to cover my tracks. That's why I'm a lot better at playing the game called life than you are.”

She watched as Cass rolled his eyes.

“Now, are we done?” she asked.

“I should be even more pissed at you than I actually am.”

Shanelle rolled her eyes.

“My dear Cassian. Allow me to say this so that it is crystal clear: I don't give a flying fuck about you being pissed at me. I did what I had to do and I would do it again.”

“That's the problem. But I am thankful that you were there for Nina. And I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that.”

Shanelle scoffed.

“Classic Cassian Keane ladies and gentlemen. You are STILL the same pigheaded, impulsive, arrogant idiot that you have always been. You never change.”

Cass shook his head.

“Could be worse. You could've called me a son of a bitch.”

“Nope. Calling you a son of a bitch is an insult to your mother. I'd rather just call you a piece of shit.”

Cass sighed.

“Thank you, Shanelle. I don’t understand why she didn't lean on family. But at least she had you to turn to. And whether you believe me or not, that means a lot to me.”

Shanelle scoffed.

“You're right. I don't believe you. Not for a second. Because knowing you, you don't mean it. But you’re welcome all the same. She would've done the same thing for me.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Good. Now get ya sorry ass off my phone.”

“Bye Princess.”

With that Shanelle hung up the phone with a groan, just as her husband walked into her office.

“Uh oh. I know that look on your face. What happened?” he asked her.

“You will not believe who just called me,” she replied.

Marquise started to guess.

“Your father?”

“Nope.”

“Your cousin?”

“I would never be that lucky.”

“Okay then who called?” he asked.

“Good old Cassian Keane,” she replied.

Marquise rolled his eyes.

“Why did he call you? Also, why does he still have your number?” he asked.

“A.) It was a FaceTime call. B.) it was about Nina,” she replied.

“What about her? Is she okay?” he asked as he sat on the edge of her desk.

“She's fine. Do you remember the check I wrote from my dad’s account a few years ago for almost $10,000.00?” she asked.

“Yeah. What about it?” He replied.

“I wrote that check so she could get into rehab without anyone knowing.”

Marquise nodded.

“That's what you meant by it was an emergency.”

“Yeah.”

“So how did he find out about it?” he asked.

“Nina’s personal page on Instagram went dark a few days ago. And nobody could find her. So Cass and Lo hopped on a plane to New York and when they got to Nina’s they found Fentanyl in her bathroom.” she replied.

Marquise exhaled slowly.

“Damn.”

“It wasn't hers.”

“Then who's was it?” he asked.

“It was Sam’s.”

Marquise choked on a laugh.

“Wait! Are you telling me that Sam Dalton is using?” he asked.

“No. At least I hope not. It apparently belonged to his dead wife. And he carries it as a reminder to not be neglectful and be present in someone's life.” she replies.

“So, what does any of that have to do with you?” he asked.

“The boys got the girls and me together to talk about it and I let it slip that she had gone to rehab.” she replied with a sigh, “I can't believe I didn't trust her enough to know she would never go back. She probably hates me right now.”

That's when Marquise stood up and then pulled her to her feet and into his arms.

“Stop that. She doesn't hate you.”

“You don't understand, I promised her that no one would ever find out. Not even you. And I panicked and blurted it out to our entire family.”

“My love, that just proves why you’re her best friend. You kept this a secret from even me, your husband, for a reason. Just so you could protect Nina. You shouldn't feel guilty about that.”

“You sure?” she asked.

“Positive,” he replied before softly kissing her forehead.

“Then why do I feel so horrible?” she asked.

“Because I know you. I know how your emotions work. You feel like you betrayed her but I promise you that you didn't. She's not gonna love you any less because you told everyone. My love, you helped save her life. She can never hate you for that.” he replied.

Shanelle smiled softly.

“I don’t know why I'm so in my head about this.”

“Because that idiot called, riled you up, and it upset you that's why. You swore to your best friend who needed help at one of the most difficult times of her life that you wouldn't say anything. And no matter how upset your ex is, even he can't hold that against you.”

“How much do you wanna bet that he will?” she asked.

“If he does then I will deal with him,” he replied.

“Ever the Knight, my King.”

He chuckled low.

“For you? Always my Queen.”

Just then there was a knock on her office door from an attendant carrying a large box.

“Pardon me, Your Majesties. But this came for the Queen, and I was instructed by Mrs. Geaneaux to deliver it to you.” the attendant said as he set the box down.

“Thank you very much,” Shanelle replied with a smile.

“You're very Welcome, my Queen.” the attendant replied before he walked out.

Marquise looked at the box with an eyebrow raised.

“Now what could this be?” he asked as he reached for the box.

“Quit being nosy! It's addressed to me. Not you, Your Majesty.” Shanelle replied as she swatted his hand away.

“First of all, ow! That was uncalled for! Secondly, it's in my palace.”

“Our palace sir.” Shanelle corrected him.

Marquise shook his head with a smirk.

“Okay fine. It's our palace. Now, what's in the box?”

“What do you care?” she asked.

“Call it curiosity killing my cat,” he replied.

Shanelle rolled her eyes good-naturedly as she read the shipping label on the box.

“Ahh. This must be one of the boxes I had when I moved back to Boston. The shipping label is covering what it says is inside it.”

“What's in it?” he asks.

“Nosy ass!” she replied.

“Very. Now let's open this box.”

Shanelle took a letter opener out of her desk and opened the box. In it were several old photos, old birthday cards, her old diary, her high school yearbooks, and one item she had completely forgotten she had packed.

“Why do you have a jacket in this box?” Marquise asks as he peered inside.

“It's not mine,” she replied as she glanced at it.

“Okay, then whose jacket is it?”

“This is Cass’s letter jacket that he got our senior year.”

“Why do you still have his old letter jacket and why does it smell like mothballs?” he asks.

“Because he left it at my parent's house and never came to get it before I moved. I must've packed it out of habit.”

Shanelle saw the look on her husband's face and raised an eyebrow at him.

“You're not jealous are you, Your Majesty?” she asked teasingly.

“Hardly,” he replied.

“Liar.”

Marquise gave her a side-eye.

“I'm not lying.”

“Marquise, the same way I know when Cass is lying is the same way I know when you’re lying. You two dumbasses wear your jealousy, annoyance, and anger on your sleeves.”

Marquise had a disgusted look on his face.

“Did you just compare me to your ex?” he asked.

Shanelle shrugged with a smirk.

“I can not believe that you just compared me to him.”

“Not my fault you and him are two sides of the same idiot coin.”

“I don't have to stand here and take this slander from you! I'm a King dammit!”

“You forget how easily I can read people. Especially the two of you.”

“You dare insult your King?!” he asked in mocking disgust.

Shanelle winked at her husband.

“Yes, I dare to insult my King,” she replied with a smirk that matched his.

“That's it! I'm leaving! I will not just stand around and be insulted like this!”

Shanelle shook her head with a smile.

“See you later babe.”

“I'll see you later, my love.”

With a quick yet sweet kiss, Marquise was out the door. Leaving Shanelle to reminisce about her past life. Before she had kids, King, and a kingdom to call home.

As a kid growing up in Brooklyn, life was as simple as it gets for Shanelle. Her dad worked at the United Nations as Ambassador of Cordonia and her mother was a 5th-grade teacher at the time. She had her best friends Nina and Chutney. The three amigos. They were always together. Always running every classroom they were in together. Especially her mother’s 5th-grade class. Try as Shantel might, she couldn't separate the girls.

And then there was Cassian. He was her childhood sweetheart and she was his. They had been together for as long as she had known him and his twin sister. When her grandfather died, Cass was there. When she needed him, he was always there. Whether or not he liked getting bossed around by her was another story. Like the one time, they went to the movies.

“How much farther?” he asked her over his shoulder.

“Just a few more steps. Stop complaining,” she replied.

“My arms are getting tired, Princess.”

“Well, that's what you get for having pseudo-chivalry.”

“What does that mean?” he asked.

“It means you don't want me to carry anything because according to you, the guy in the relationship never lets the girl in the relationship carry anything, just for you to turn around and constantly complain about having to always carry everything,” she replied

“Okay, if I drop all this stuff because my arms fell off.”

“Cass, if you drop damn near 28 dollars worth of popcorn, candy, chili cheese dogs, drinks, and those nasty ass Coney corn dogs that you love so much, that I paid for, I will kick your ass from here to kingdom come.”

Cass grumbled under his breath but kept walking down the steps to their seats.

“Stop and turn to the right,” she said to him.

He stopped and turned to the right.

“Keep walking…and stop,” she instructed.

He walked 5 steps and then stopped.

“Now you can sit down.”

“Finally,” he said as he sat down slowly.

“Exactly. Now if you'd be so kind as to hand me my food.”

She took her chili cheese dogs, a box of M&M's, her drink, and a small popcorn and sat down. Cass looked over.

“Greedy ass.”

Shanelle set her drink down.

“You get three loaded corn dogs, two boxes of Peanut M&M's, one box of plain M&M's, a large Coke, and two boxes of Reese's Pieces on top of the large popcorn with extra butter and salt. But I'm the greedy one?” she asked.

“Yes. That’s way too many calories.” He replied.

“Hotshot, you’re literally eating your way to clogged arteries and type 2 diabetes. Also, you forget I have track practice after we leave here. So unlike you, I will burn these calories off.”

“Still too many calories, Princess.”

Just as Shanelle started to speak up the previews started.

“Saved by the previews,” Cass said triumphantly.

Shanelle rolled her eyes and went back to eating her food. Only to feel his arm around her shoulders. She laid her head on his shoulder.

“Wanna bite?” she asked him, holding up the chili cheese dog in her hand.

“Nah. I'm good. Thank you. By the way, what time is your track meet next Saturday?” he replied.

“1:00 PM. But I have to be there at 10:00 AM. Coach Howard’s orders.”

Cass scoffed.

“I still don't like her.”

Shanelle snickered.

“That's only because she said you have chicken legs. And she wasn't wrong.”

“Who's side are you on?” he asked.

“Mine,” she replied.

Cass rolled his eyes with a smile.

They were together all through middle and high school. Made plans to be together forever. Even though he had objections to always being bossed around by her. After graduating, each went off to different colleges. It was a long-distance relationship but they vowed to make it work. And it did work until it didn't.

They went from texting and checking in with each other every day. To once a day, to once a week, to sparingly, to complete radio silence throughout her freshman and sophomore years. And Shanelle couldn't figure out why. No matter how many times she texted or called, he never answered. So she decided to drive to see him at school. She had to know why he wouldn't talk to her.

After texting his then-classmate Robin, she hopped into her Jeep and drove 5 hours from Boston to Philadelphia to see him. When she pulled into the dorm parking lot, she met Robin outside.

“Hey, babe. Are you sure you’re okay?” Robin asked Shanelle.

“I will be once I talk to him. Have you seen him?” Shanelle replied.

Robin scoffed.

“Not lately. The knucklehead has been avoiding me.”

Shanelle shook her head.

“Probably because of me.”

“If that's true, I am gonna beat him within an inch of his life.”

Shanelle scoffed.

“You get whatever part of him that I don't beat, break, batter, or bruise.”

Robin nodded.

“He always said that you have a scary right hook.”

“And if he doesn't answer the door, you'll get a front-row seat to what happens.”

They walked into the coed dorm. When they got outside his dorm, Shanelle started to wonder if this was the right thing to do.

“Rob, can I ask you something?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Robin replied.

“Am I tripping? Should I even be here?” she asked.

“No, you’re not tripping and yes you should be here. You have tried to contact him every which way. And he's just been silent. At the very least he could explain why he's been silent. He owes you that.”

Shanelle closed her eyes and nodded.

“You're right. Thank you. That's why I like you. Well, that and the fact that since I'm not here to get on his ass, someone has to.”

“Thank you. And to think your man was scared for us to meet. And now he hates it that we met.”

Shanelle snickered.

“That's because we became friends and his worst nightmare.”

Just as Shanelle went to knock on the door, it swung open revealing a shocked and shirtless Cassian.

“What are you doing here Shanelle?” He asks.

“I came here looking for you. You haven't been answering the phone and apparently, you've been avoiding Robin. What is going on?” she replied.

“You shouldn't be here, Shanelle,” he said to her.

She turned to Robin.

“Give us a minute?” she asked.

“Sure. I gotta get ready for my next class anyway.” Robin replied.

“Okay. I'll text you later.”

Robin smiled at Shanelle before walking down the hall to her dorm. Shanelle watched her disappear around a corner before turning back to Cass.

“Go home, Princess. Now.”

“Not until you talk to me.”

“I can't.”

“The hell you mean you can't?!” she asks him.

“Look, you just gotta go,” he replied.

“I'm not going anywhere.”

“This is not the time for you to be stubborn!”

Shanelle scoffed.

“Pot meet kettle.”

“Shanelle please, just go. It's over. There's nothing left.”

“Cass, what are you talking about?” she asked.

“Us, Shanelle. There is no more us,” he replied.

“No. You're not serious.”

“Yeah. I'm serious. It's over between us. Go home.”

Shanelle was stunned.

“What is happening?” she asked.

“I have to do this. I have to let you go. So go. It's over. There is no more us.” he replies.

“Cass, why are you doing this?” she asks.

“I can't tell you,” he replied.

“What the hell do you mean?” she asks.

“I can't tell you and I'm not going to tell you. So go home!” he growled.

Shanelle took a step back from him. She couldn't believe what was happening. It was over.

“Wow. Okay then. I guess that's it. I got the answer to the question I had.”

“I'm sorry, Shanelle. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that.”

“No. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that all I wanted was to get some kind of an answer. I'm sorry that the only place I was ever going to get that answer was from you. I'm sorry that I drove 5 fucking hours for those very answers. I'm sorry that I came all the way here with the hope that if I could've just talked to you and gotten to the bottom of the problem then maybe we could've fixed whatever the issue was between us. I'm sorry that I came all the way here for nothing.”

Shanelle closed her eyes to stop the tears from falling.

“Look Princess, I'm sorry.”

“You know. I always knew you were a lot of things, Cass. But never in my life did I think that you, of all the people in this world, would be a coward.”

“That's not fair Shanelle.”

“Oh! So you wanna talk about what's fair and what isn't?! Okay fine. Let's talk about it, shall we? So it's fair for you to break up with me without at least giving me the common courtesy and decency of telling me why, right? But it's not fair for me to call you a coward? Did I get that right?”

Cass just shook his head.

“Alright then. I guess I got what I came here for and now I can go.” Shanelle said to him with tears in her eyes.

“Shanelle, you can't drive back to Boston like this.”

She scoffed.

“Why the hell do you care, Cass? It's over between us, remember?” she said to him before walking out of the dorm.

Shanelle got in her Jeep and peeled out of the dorm parking lot without a second glance back. She got to a stoplight before tears blurred her vision and she couldn't see clearly enough to drive. So she pulled over into a grocery store parking lot, killed the engine, and broke down into tears. It was over. And there was no going back. There was no more pleading for answers. The only thing she could do was pick up the pieces of her broken heart, move on, and move forward.

Two weeks later after her abrupt breakup, Shanelle started taking classes at a local MMA gym. It was a way for her to channel her anger, learn self-defense, and ease her heartbreak. She spent the next two years, which was also the remainder of her college years going to that gym. She would be in the gym 3 times a week. But little did she know, she was being watched.

Every day she was at the gym, she would notice three guys always watching her. But she put it out of her mind. What she didn’t know was those three random guys were actually guards the Prince had assigned to follow her and keep tabs on her whereabouts. Within a few days, the guards had her routine down to a science. They knew when she was on campus, where she went for coffee and for lunch, how she trained at the gym, and things like that. Whatever the Prince wanted to know about her, his guards found out.

He had the guards set up a secret feed at the gym through its shoddy security system so he could watch her train in the gym. He was impressed with how good she was. He knew he would one day want to spar with her, so he began to study her fighting style with his lead guard Alex.

“She's good Marquise,” Alex said to him.

“Indeed. That's why we're practicing. I want her to be great. Not just good.”

“From what I've noticed, she's become a master at the chokehold and the armbar. Are you sure you'd want to spar with her?” Alex asked.

“Yes. By practicing I can learn how to counter her.” Marquise replied.

“Won't that just piss her off even more?” Alex asked.

“That's the point, Alex. The angrier she is, the more adrenaline. She's a fighter who's highly competitive and hates to lose. Now shall we get started?” Marquise asks.

“Sure. Although she and I are in different weight classes.” Alex replied.

“You'll be alright. This isn't the first time that I've tossed your sorry ass around like a rag doll and it won't be the last time that I've tossed your sorry ass around like a rag doll.”

The two smirked at each other before they began to train. Within 3 weeks, Marquise had her fighting style down and knew how to counter every move in her move set. All while she was none the wiser.

Meanwhile, Shanelle had another problem that had nothing to do with the Prince but everything to do with her best friend Nina, who had been kidnapped by her abusive ex. It had been 3 months since anyone had heard from Nina, but it didn't take long for her family and friends to realize why. Nina’s ex Slater had kidnapped her and had no plans of ever letting her see the light of day until Nina escaped and was able to make it home.

Shanelle had come home for Memorial Day weekend and was asleep when her phone started going off. It was Chutney.

“Helluh?” Shanelle answered half asleep.

“Wake up Nelle!” Chutney shouted. Causing Shanelle to bolt straight up in bed.

“What the hell Chut?” Shanelle asked, trying to get her bearings before turning on the bedside light in her room. “Why are you calling at…2 in the morning?”

“It's Nina,” Chutney replied.

Hearing Nina’s name sent a chill down Shanelle’s spine and she began to fear the worst.

“What about her Chut?” Shanelle asked.

“She's alive! I'm with her now.” Chutney replied.

“What?! What do you mean she's alive?!” Shanelle asked.

“She showed up at the hospital and they called me,” Chutney answered.

“What hospital?” Shanelle asks.

“Mercy Hospital.”

Shanelle looked at the time on her phone and made a decision.

“Chut I'm on my way. Do NOT let her leave! Do you hear me?!”

“Yes, I hear you. Just hurry.”

Shanelle threw on some clothes, grabbed her keys, and nearly broke the sound barrier trying to get to the hospital. She had just gotten into the hospital lobby when she saw Chutney.

“Where is she, Chut?” Shanelle asks.

“Down the hall. ER room 7. I was able to get her to get some sleep.”

Shanelle nodded.

“Go call your uncle. Tell him she's here and that she's alive.”

“Okay.”

Shanelle hugged Chutney who was shaking.

“It's okay babe. She's home. That's all that matters.”

“I know. I just…she's so scared Nelle.”

“I believe it. As I said, go call your uncle. I'm gonna go talk to her.”

Chutney nodded before going to call Nina’s dad. Shanelle walked down the hall as fast as she could until she got to Nina’s room. When she got there, her heart seized. Nina was alive and asleep at the moment. Shanelle was relieved, terrified, and angry. All at the same time.

“Nina?” Shanelle asked gently, rousing her from her sleep. Nina slowly woke up and looked sleepily at Shanelle.

“Nelle?” she asked.

“I'm here baby. I'm right here.” Shanelle replied while gently squeezing her hand.

Nina bursts into tears before she threw her arms around Shanelle.

“I am so happy to see you, baby.”

“I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”

Shanelle hugged her tighter.

“Don't you dare apologize. This wasn't your fault. This is that monster’s fault.”

Nina buried her face into Shanelle’s shoulder and cried.

“I messed up.”

“No one is mad at you Nina. Certainly not me. I just wanted you home and safe.”

Shanelle rocked her best friend as she cried.

“I trusted him. And he…”

“Shhh! Baby. You don't have to tell me.”

Nina looked at Shanelle before rolling up her sleeve. Revealing needle marks much to Shanelle’s horror.

“Oh my God.”

“The hospital gave me Narcan.”

Shanelle nodded slowly.

“Do you think you can answer a question for me?” she asked Nina.

Nina nodded.

“Are you going through withdrawals?” she asked her.

Rather than answer Nina just clung to Shanelle.

“My God. I'm so sorry.”

“I said no. I tried to stop him. But he forced me. I tried–”

“Shhh! It's okay babe. You do not need to tell me anything more if you're not ready. Okay?”

Nina nodded.

“But you need help. You need to get into rehab.”

“No. Shanelle no.”

“Listen to me. The Narcan the hospital gave you will only last for so long. I don't want to see you like this.”

“I can't afford rehab, Nelle. I can't.”

“You won't have to. I'll pay for it.”

“What?! No. I won't let you.”

Shanelle smiled at Nina with tears in her eyes.

“Try and stop me. I will do whatever I have to in order to get you the help you need.”

“You would?” Nina asks.

“Absofuckinglutely!” Shanelle replies.

“Are you sure?” she asked.

“Yes. Whatever the costs are, I will pay for them. I don’t care.” Shanelle replied.

“Okay. I'll go. But you can't tell anyone. Please.”

“I swear to you. I won't tell a soul. It'll be our secret.”

Nina nodded tearily.

“Thank you.”

“It's what best friends are for. We stick together through thick and thin. I got your back. You got mine. Remember?”

Nina nodded just as Chutney returned.

“Nina, your parents and your brothers are here.” Chutney said to the girls.

“And that's my cue,” Shanelle said.

“You're leaving?” Nina asks.

“Yeah. I don't want to be around your brother right now.” Shanelle replied.

“Okay.”

Shanelle hugged Nina tightly.

“But I promise. I will come to check on you later. Okay?”

“Yeah.”

Shanelle stood up and dried her eyes.

“You call me whenever you need me, alright?”

Nina smiled at her.

“I love you, Princess.”

“I love you too baby. I'll see you soon.”

Shanelle hugged Chutney just as Nina's family showed up.

“Thank you for calling me,” she whispered to Chutney.

“Of course. We're the three amigos, remember? We always look out for each other.”

Shanelle walked down the hall walking past Cassian without so much as a second glance. Within a few days, Shanelle had Nina with her in D.C. and they were getting her settled into the rehab facility.

“Now you have my number, right?” Shanelle asked Nina.

“Yes, mom. I have your number.”

Shanelle snickered.

“If I want to deal with your sarcasm, I'll call your brother.”

The two laughed.

“I'll call you if I need anything.”

“Okay. I'm an hour away. Well, 30-45 minutes if I don't do the speed limit.”

Nina snorted before shaking her head.

“Get some rest, love.”

“Will do.”

A week after getting Nina settled, Shanelle was sitting on her couch flipping channels, when she got a surprise late-night FaceTime call from the Prince himself.

“Hello?”

“Well hello, Princess.”

“Good Evening Your Majesty.”

“It's Your Highness, love,” he replied, correcting her.

“Your Highness, what can I do for you?” she asks.

“I'll get right to it. Have you spoken to your father?” he asked.

“No. Not today anyway. Why?” she replied.

“Well because of a curious thing. Did you know he wrote a check for nearly $10,000.00?” he asks.

“No. I had no clue,” she replied.

“Are you sure, Princess?” he asks.

“Your Highness, why would I know anything about the checks he writes?” she replied.

“Because you see the thing is, he didn't write a check for nearly $10,000.00. And neither did your mother.”

Shanelle went quiet. She was busted.

“Princess, why are you writing checks in your father's name?” he asks.

She cursed under her breath.

“I had to. It was an emergency,” she replied.

“A $10,000.00 emergency?” he asks.

“Yes. How did you figure out he didn't write the check?” she replied.

“I'm glad you asked. It was quite easy actually, had he written it, he would've never gone over the international limit of $5,000.00. It's not his style. Not without alerting the Royal Treasury. But you on the other hand.”

Shanelle groaned.

“Also there's a hold on the check until it gets cleared by the Treasury.”

“What do you mean there's a hold on the check?” she asked.

“Every time a check is written over the allotted amount, a 7-day hold is placed on said check. It's standard procedure,” he replies.

“Would it be too much to ask for you to go ahead and clear the check?” she asked.

“It must be important to you,” he replied.

“It is. I need it cleared immediately. Please.”

The look on his face was unreadable and when he switched his camera off, Shanelle started to panic.

“Done.”

“Really?” she asked.

“Yes, Princess. It's been cleared,” he replies.

She let out a sigh of relief.

“Thank you, Marquise.”

“You're welcome. Now I want you to listen to me and listen closely. Don't you ever write a check for that big of an amount without telling me first.”

“Why? What's the big deal?” she asked.

“The big deal is if I hadn't caught it and cleared the check you wrote in time, bad case it would've had to go to my father or worse case it would've gone to your uncle for clearance,” he replied.

The thought of having to deal with either one of them made Shanelle shudder.

“Exactly. So next time, if there is one, you are to let me know the minute you write the check. Do you understand?” he asked.

“Yes,” she replied quietly.

“Listen, I'm not trying to scare you or reprimand you. I just know that my father and your uncle would've instantly rejected the check.”

Shanelle nodded.

“Again, thank you.”

“Of course. It is a curious thing though. What's so important that you had to write a check that big?” he asks.

“I can't tell you,” she replied.

“Must be serious.”

“The check didn't say?” she asked.

“No. It just shows me the check number, the amount written, and the routing numbers of the Treasury and the bank requesting that the hold be lifted.”

Shanelle internally sighed in relief.

“In other news, you look beautiful.”

“I look homeless.”

Marquise groaned.

“Just take the damn compliment, Princess.”

She broke out in a small smile.

“There's that pretty smile. Much better. That's what I like to see.”

“I've never seen you be all business-like. It's kinda hot.”

“Of course, you like it. You like it when someone else takes control. That way you can be as reckless as you want to be.”

Shanelle tried and failed to hide the blush on her cheeks.

“How was your day?” he asked.

“Long and arduous. How was yours?” she replied.

“Boring. Budgets, Cordonian tax laws and guidelines, and more budgets.”

“Oh, you poor thing. Are you at your Duchy?” she asked.

“No. I'm in my office at the palace,” he replied.

She grimaced.

“You sound thrilled.”

“Oh yeah. Positively enthralled.”

Shanelle snorted.

“Are you off the clock?” she asked.

“I've been off the clock for three hours now. I just had a few loose ends to tie up,” he replied.

“I didn't mean to keep you up so late.”

He waved her off.

“You weren't.”

“So you say.”

He smirked at her.

“I'm actually on my way to bed now that business is done. It's a shame you won't be there when I get there.”

Shanelle rolled her eyes.

“Oh my God! You're not even subtle.”

“I don't have the time or luxury to be.”

Shanelle shook her head.

“I know I'm going to regret this but hypothetically speaking, what would you do if I was there?” she asked.

Marquise cocked his head to the side with a smirk.

“Curious are you?” he replies.

“Morbidly.”

Marquise put a finger to his lips with a thoughtful expression on his face.

“Let's see. Well for starters you wouldn't be wearing any clothes.”

“You pig!” she hissed.

“I'll be Wilbur if you be Charlotte.”

“Ugh! You are so fucking irritating.”

The smirk on his face made her thankful she was sitting down.

“Okay fine. So you wouldn't be completely naked. Is that better?” he asked.

“Much. Now continue. Correctly.” she replied.

“To be honest, you'd either already be asleep, laying across the bed flipping channels like you are now, or you'd be out on the balcony with a glass of wine watching the stars.”

“Not bad. And nowhere near as disrespectful as I thought you'd be. Also, I didn't know your room had a balcony.”

“Every room in my wing has a balcony.”

“You have an entire wing?!” she asked.

“Mmmhmm. 12 bedrooms all to myself. At least for now,” he replied.

“And here I am thinking that I'm a spoiled brat.”

“You are a spoiled brat Princess.” he quipped.

Shanelle shook her head.

“So let's say I was out on your balcony, what would you be doing?” she asks.

“Your curiosity must be killing you,” he replied.

“Humor me.”

“Very well. As you may know, I am a servant of the people. But none more than you, my future wife. I would always want you to be comfortable. No matter what. And nothing is more comfortable than a couples’ bubble bath.”

“Oh really?” she asks.

“Mmmhmm. It would help me forget my day and would give me a reason to put my hands all over you. If you know what I mean.”

Shanelle couldn't help but blush. And he noticed.

“It's okay to say you like the idea, Princess.”

“Okay fine. So I like the idea. I love bubble baths and as much as I hate to admit it, you are good with your hands.”

“There you go. Now that wasn't so hard, was it?” he asks.

“Get off my phone!” she replied with a smirk.

He smirked.

“Goodnight Shanelle. I'll talk to you soon.”

“Goodnight Marquise.”

When she hung up the phone she couldn't help the butterflies in her stomach. She turned off the TV and went to bed. When her head hit the pillow, she dozed off dreaming she was falling asleep in the Prince’s arms.

As the months went on, Shanelle watched her best friend flourish and become herself again in rehab then eventually move back home to New York while she stayed in D.C. Shanelle also found herself more and more enamored with the Prince. He would text and call her every day. He would have a dozen roses sent to her office every Friday. He was starting to wear her down. Not that she minded.

And it showed in one of their nightly FaceTime calls.

“So how did your parents meet?” he asks.

“My mom got a summer internship at the United Nations and would ride the elevator with my dad every day. She worked on the floor below him. And one day he finally mustered up the courage to ask Shantel Fletcher out on a date.” she replies.

“Your father has courage?” he asked.

Shanelle snickered.

“Yes, every here and again he does,” she replies.

“How long did this go on?” he asks.

“Maybe 3 weeks? They would go out for lunch every day until her internship ended and she had to go back to D.C.” she replied.

“And he chased her?” he asks.

“Yup. He transferred his assignment to the Consulate,” she replied.

“Talk about dedication.”

“He was in love. When mom found out she called him and told him to go home but he stayed. And they started dating again and then got married.”

“He got married and didn't tell his parents?” he asked.

“Yup. They got married at the D.C. magistrate with her parents as witnesses,” she replies.

“When was this?” he asked.

“June 1st, 1986,” she replied.

“That's a long time to be married to your dad.”

“She loves him. Someone has to.”

“Did you ever meet his parents?” he asks.

“Yes. The first time I ever went to Cordonia was because of them. It's how I was granted my title.” she replies.

“Really?” he asked.

“Yup. I actually met them by accident,” she replies.

“How'd that happen?” he asks.

“My parents had barely been married a year and a half when my mom got pregnant. She was excited while my dad was apprehensive,” she replies.

“Why?” he asked.

“Because he was sent to America to work for Cordonia, not get married and have a kid,” she replied.

Marquise nodded.

“I met them after the betrothal agreement was signed.”

“How old were you?” he asked.

“I was 10 months old. As I said before, I met them by accident,” she replies.

“How?” he asks.

“My dad had gone to the store for milk and eggs and more baby food. While my mom stayed and worked on her thesis paper,” she replies.

“Where were you?”

“I was in my room sleeping. It was naptime for me.”

“Where did you all live? Embassy Row?”

“Nope. We lived here at the apartment where I am now at the Consulate.”

“So what happened?”

“As I said, my dad was gone and it was just me and my mom. It was a pretty typical Saturday. Until there was a knock at the front door. My mom went to open the door and when she did there stood my grandparents.”

“Awkward…”

“Very. According to my mom, they stared at her and she stared back at them until my grandfather asked her who she was. That's when it clicked that mommy was staring at her in-laws.”

“Yikes!”

“Oh, it gets better. So when my mom realized who they were, she said ‘you must be Damien’s parents’.”

“Wait! She addressed the former Iron King of South Cordonia like a common parent?” Marquise asked with a cackle.

“Yup. And that's when my grandfather said, ‘young lady my name is King Dominic Miller. And this is my wife Queen Angelique. And we're here to see our son Prince Damien. Thank you’, according to her.”

“Well did she let them in or make them stand there?”

“I'm getting to that! Of course, she let them in. She had to move some of her papers and books out of the way first before they could sit down. And about 10 minutes after my grandparents arrived, my dad showed up carrying grocery bags. Much to his mother’s horror.”

“Oh. My. God!”

“You see, the former King and Queen didn't inform their youngest son they were coming. Based on a suggestion made by their eldest son.”

“Your uncle didn't tell them about you and your mom?” he asks.

“Nope. He thought it best they find out about us on their own,” she replies.

“So he set your father up?” he asked.

“Yup. They wanted to surprise him and boy did he get a surprise. And so did they,” she replies.

“Wow!”

“Just wait. I'm just getting to the good part. When my dad walked in, my mom looked at him and was like ‘when were you gonna tell me your parents were coming?’ to which my poor dumb daddy goes ‘I couldn't tell you because I had no idea they were coming.’”

Marquise cackled.

“So after my dad set the groceries down, my grandfather asked him who this common woman was, meaning my mom, and why was she there. And just as my mom got ready to respond, guess who woke up from their nap and was very fussy.”

“Uh oh!”

“Yeah. So my mom disappeared into my room and when she reemerged, she had me on her hip. My grandparents were stunned.”

Marquise stared at her.

“That's when my dad took me from my mom and turned to his parents and said ‘Father, mother, this is Shantel. My wife of two years. And this beautiful little girl is Shanelle. Our daughter. Your granddaughter.’ and as I said, his parents were stunned.”

“You know your grandfather had a reputation for being everything but quiet right?” he asks.

“That's what I've heard about him,” she replied.

“So what else happened?”

“After several minutes of my dad’s parents being in shock, his mother finally spoke up and asked if she could hold me. And he placed me in her arms. Which was a miracle, because when I was a baby, I didn't like being held by anyone except my parents and my grandma Venita. Apparently, my grandmother had this diamond brooch on her jacket lapel that I kept reaching for, and she took it off and gave it to me to hold. And that was the first time I had ever smiled at her.”

“Wow.”

“Apparently, I looked over at my grandfather and crawled into his lap and was giggling and waving my grandmother's brooch around. And according to my dad, that was the moment I melted my grandfather's heart.”

“Wow!”

Shanelle shrugged.

“I am their oldest grandchild after all. Anyways, after watching me play in my grandfather's arms, my grandmother asked my dad why he didn't tell them about me and my mom sooner.”

“What did he say?”

“He was honest. He said he just knew that if he showed up with my mom and me, they would reject his new family and disown him. And he couldn't take the risk of losing his family. Besides, he didn't want me to grow up in the palace. He wanted me to have as normal of a life as possible.”

Marquise nodded.

“So your dad does have a backbone?”

Shanelle snickered.

“I mean it's flimsy but yes, he has one.”

“What did your grandfather say to all that?” he asks.

“He was furious with my dad. According to my mom, he said he still should have been told that he had a granddaughter. And he was hurt and disappointed that my dad would think that they'd disown him. Because at that time, I was the oldest living child in the family, that meant that I would be the new heir to the throne.”

“You?” he asked.

“Yup. Me. Because you have to remember, Edward was not married and had no children. Which meant that if he died after taking the throne, South Cordonia would be without a Monarch. But because my dad had me…” she trailed off.

Marquise nodded.

“South Cordonia would have their Monarch.”

“Bingo! But that's not why he didn't tell them.”

“Why didn't he say anything?” he asked.

“He was afraid that something called a Coventus Nobilis would be called?”

Marquise whistled low.

“Yikes! No wonder he was afraid.”

“But why? What is a Coventus Nobilis?” she asks.

Marquise sighed.

“It's an old and antiquated law that dates back to when the 7 Great Houses Of Cordonia were the ruling body of all Cordonia,” he replied.

“What does that mean?”

“A Coventus Nobilis is a vote of no confidence.”

“No confidence in what?”

“If the safety and upbringing of a Royal heir is ever called into question by a Head Of House, a Coventus Nobilis can be convened to address the matter. And a vote of no confidence must be unanimously approved.”

“You're not making any sense.”

“Had a vote of no confidence been reached, your parents would've been stripped of custody of you.”

“WHAT?!”

“As I said, it's an old and antiquated law. It hasn't been called upon since at least the 1600s.”

“Can it be changed?” she asked.

“Nope. All Monarchs are forbidden from ever touching the law. That's what your father was really afraid of. And that's probably why he agreed to the betrothal agreement. It protected you in case your grandfather had the law called upon as King and tried to have you taken away from your parents.” he replied.

“He wouldn't have done that.”

“Shanelle, your grandfather was notoriously known as the Iron King. I'll let you figure out the rest.”

Shanelle exhaled slowly.

“Well, that explains why my grandfather extended his retirement by at least a year.”

“I remember that. Kinda.”

“Yeah, he extended it so I could have my coronation when I was 18 months old. That was the first time I had ever traveled to Cordonia. And it was on Easter Sunday so I had on my Easter Sunday dress with bows, barrettes, and those white shoes with frilly white socks. And because I was granted a title, my mom was too.”

“I'm sure. Your grandfather had to grant her a title. She was the Mother Of The Heir at the time.”

“But all I cared about that day was eating my first ever sugarcake. It was my grandmother's favorite too. That's why I love it so much. It came from her favorite bakery in Gianko.”

“I know that bakery. They make amazing Paninis.”

“Of course, you know it. You live there.”

Marquise smirked.

“I don’t remember much about it but, one of the last things my grandparents did with me before they died was they commissioned two portraits. An official Royal portrait of me with my parents and a portrait of me with the two of them.”

“Really?” he asks.

“Yup. Daddy is actually in Cordonia now. He always goes back for a month to lay flowers at his parent's graves. That and to bring me back a box of sugarcakes. Anyway, according to my dad, he hasn't seen those portraits in years. He thinks Edward may have gotten rid of them after their parents died.” she replies.

“Nah. He didn't. I can assure you of that.”

“How can you be sure?”

“Because it's illegal to do so. Instead, he would've had to turn them over to the Cordonian Hall Of Archives.”

“Oh.”

Marquise noticed she was biting her lower lip.

“Shanelle?”

She let her bottom lip slip from in between her teeth.

“Huh?”

“You're biting your lip.”

“So?”

Marquise shook his head with a smirk.

“You only do that when you're scared to ask a question.”

She went quiet.

“Is there something that you want?” he asks.

She nodded her head yes.

“What is it, Princess? What do you want?”

“Will you look in the Archives for the portraits?” she asked.

“I mean of course I can. But why would I do that when it serves me no purpose?” he replies.

“You're gonna make me explain why I want you to look aren't you?” she asked.

“Naturally,” he replies.

Shanelle whined.

“My dad’s birthday is coming up and I want to be able to give him something special when he comes home. Also, I would love to have something to remember my grandparents by.”

“Very good. So you can be taught, I see.”

“Don't make me regret asking.”

“You won't. I'll put the call in to have them retrieved and sent to you before he leaves here. Shall I have them gift-wrapped as well?”

Shanelle snickered.

“I know you’re being funny but yes, I would like it if you could have them wrapped.”

“Consider it done.”

She smiled before hiding a yawn.

“Sorry about that.”

“Don't be. You should go get some sleep. I'll talk to you soon.”

“Goodnight Your Highness.”

“Goodnight my future wife,” he replied with a smirk.

Shanelle rolled her eyes before ending the call.

Sure enough, the portraits arrived a few weeks later gift-wrapped and in pristine condition. They arrived two days before she moved back home to New York just in time for her father's birthday. When she moved back in with her parents she had the portraits stored in the attic.

Being home felt good and weird at the same time. She had her job working for her dad's office at the United Nations. She had her friends who were happy to have her home for more girls' nights and gossip. She even had endless other suitors that were interested in her. Each suitor was wealthy, connected, and powerful. But none of them were as wealthy, connected, or powerful as the Prince.

Also, most of them were boring, stuck up, narcissistic, stuffy, and stiff. They were perfect for someone that didn't want anything out of life. Not her. She wasn't trying to be some diplomat’s smiling trophy. And at the end of the day, that's what she would be with those other men. So she skipped them and stuck with the one man that wouldn't turn her into the black version of a Stepford Wife. The Prince.

You have reached the end of part 1! Stay tuned for the next part!

#khoicesbyk #choices #choices stories you play #pixelberry #fanfic #choices fanfiction #the royal romance #king marquise #queen shanelle #king of cordonia #queen of cordonia #king and queen of cordonia #black love #black couple #black marriage #my otp forever #otp #choices fic writers creations #fics of the week

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padawansuggest · 2 years ago

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Honestly I have multiple neurospicy areas alongside diagnosed mental illnesses (the doctor read off my list and looked more and more worried the longer it got then diagnosed me with two more in that same session, my head is a chemical mess) but the overall ones I think could contribute to a good ability to lie: ADHD, OCD, Autism

Probably a few others but those are the Big Three that I think make a person good at logic leaps. Like, I wouldn’t exactly call myself a particularly smart person, but in terms of logic jumps? I’m pretty smart. I still don’t know what my issue with learning languages is because I tend to get a mental inventory of fandom languages to use in fics and that sorta grows every year so I’m sorta considering a method of learning other languages by way of writing short stories with adding some more basic vocab every time I think I’m comfy with the last of the basic vocab. It might be a good idea…

Either way. I find these sorts of things somewhat hilarious. A shitty lie in basic could be given a sort of rambling explanation that turns out to a Mando’a speaker, to just sound like odd happenstance instead of an outright lie that a native basic speaker would have scoffed at. Stuff like that. I see so many fics now days where a character gets caught out about something (being a Jedi, going back in time, gets found by a nice family and doesn’t wanna tell them about their past) and I’m sitting over here like ‘honey, turn on the water works right this second, they’ll assume you had a bad interaction in that area and given you an hour to regroup’ and honestly, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop rewriting other peoples fics in my head all because people don’t use enough fun happenstance misunderstandings. Live a little, they aren’t real.

This reminds me me and my gf were sorta planning a fic together(which I might change a little because I’m not always great with direct planning) for a fandom… anyways. In that fic one of the characters is talking about going to a specific place (an island off a coast) but from another persons POV, an outsider POV, it sounds like they’re saying they want to leave the continent entirely but in a way their people actually can’t so they think he’s saying he wants to commit suicide.

No he’s just trying to talk about the situation without actually admitting that his people are partial mermaids and they sorta have a safe haven island they can go to if they get the urge. But the friends are trying to council him the whole time over the course of about a year, that he doesn’t have to die, there is so much to live for, but are panicking cause now he wants to go there Even More. So. Yeah. Misunderstanding happens with more than just language and now he’s got a happy loving family that are trying to help him when before he wanted to leave because he felt alone, but now he wants to leave because they can go with him and meet his family there!!

It’s wild. I love misunderstandings.

Okay so you know the trope where a character is asked their name and they look around for a few items to make a name out of it (I think the one truly funny jone Family Guy ever did was having Peter do this and somehow landing on his own name okay I still think back on that one and laugh it was so bad) and the other character is like???? Who the fuck would name their kid that????

Okay so I think an even funnier idea that could work in fandom is that we know a lot of Mando’a but not much Dai Bendu (the Jedi language) so I want a Mando to ask a Jedi their name and they blank and say something short in Dai Bendu and the Mando is like ‘…holy shit who names their kid TOASTER???’ Or something like that that idea is so funny

#about me #language

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talulebell · 6 years ago

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Sheith Fic Rec II

Please go check out my first Sheith fic rec post!

Yes, I had to make another and who knows if this will be the last. Everyone is so talented~

Just like my first post, these are some Sheith fics I’ve read that I recommend to everyone! I have them by oneshots and multiple chapters and each fic has the rating, word count, warnings, a general summary, and what I liked about it.

I will not be coming back to make edits if a fic has been updated, so keep in mind that this is being posted on November 3rd and that some may have changed depending when you look at this.

Enjoy!

Oneshots

a small request by wintersong general, established relationship, 850 words, no warnings

Keith asks Shiro if he can call him a specific name. I love fics like this. They’re very heartwarming.

a world for two by anglmukhii/shaerrah teen, pre-kerberos, 2000 words, suggestive themes

It’s their last night together before Kerberos, so they spend it at the shack. I also really love fics like this and the fluff was very strong.

anaphora by ranchboiii general, post season seven, 1000 words, no warnings

Keith makes Shiro coffee on a cold morning. Reading morning routines between these two is so fun to read and I like how this one is written. Also, Keith calls Shiro a pet name and that always makes me smile.

dream-sweet love by starboykeith/starboykeith general, slice of life, 1500 words, no warnings

Older and married Sheith. This fic is also about morning routines and I think it captures them very well. There really is something about this particular type of domestic fluff.

earth to kuiper 2329, calling by redluxite (wordstruck)/okwtr teen, alternate universe, 3600 words, no warnings

Shiro is an astronaut and Keith is a student who gets in contact with his station, and after a while, it becomes routine. Their interactions through this is so cute and the end is even cuter.

echos swell and subside by xyriath/disastergayshirogane mature, recovery, 10,000 words, referenced abuse

Shiro has a nightmare and ends up hurting Keith in the process. I remember this being one of the first Sheith fics I ever read and thinking how beautiful the angst was. I don’t think I could ever forget this fic.

everybody knows that you love me baby by adamantine/adamantineheart teen, post season seven, 9000 words, hints of nsfw

Everyone begins to figure out that there’s something else going on between the leader of Voltron and the captain of Atlas. I love how many characters were involved and seeing their reactions. This fic also made me love Kinkade more.

how to train your blanket burrito by sheithism/sheithism teen, sick fic, 3000 words, hints of nsfw

Keith tends to take a while to get out of bed and it becomes worse when he’s sick. Shiro and the space wolf having to wake Keith up every morning? Count me in.

i’ve got your grasping hand by dimplelegacymila mature, five plus one, hurt and comfort, 6000 words, nsfw content

Shiro has apologized to Keith five times, but one time he didn’t mean it. This is also in my list of “First Sheith fics I ever read”. I sometimes tend to stumble upon this one and remember how much I love it, so I need to put it on the list.

in the morning i’ll be fine by stardropdream/stardropdream teen, post season seven, hurt and comfort, 4000 words, implied sexual content

Shiro keeps apologizing for his nightmares, but Keith assures him it’s alright. As I said in my last fic rec post, I love hurt and comfort. This one has everything I need.

it’s a simple thing (but it’s everything) by cosmicwolfs/cosmicwolfs teen, post season seven, domestic bliss, 1500 words, no warnings

Shiro has the day off, but Keith needs to run drills. Wow, another morning routine type of fic. Reading this makes my heart fill with joy because it’s just that cute.

left you burning too long by stardropdream/stardropdream teen, season seven, love confession, 3000 words, no warnings

Knowing that he has Shiro is a little overwhelming for Keith. This one really makes you feel their love and what they mean to each other. It took my breath away.

penguin shiro loves you, baby by inky teen, penguin sheith au, 5000 words, no warnings

Inspired by the Sheith penguin AU (author believes this is the origin, I’m not sure myself), Lance opens a zoo and names two of the penguins after Shiro and Keith. I adore the penguin AU and this made it so much better.

sail across the sky just to get to you by stardropdream/stardropdream teen, getting together, 18,000 words, no warnings

It takes a month for Keith to figure out that he and Shiro are together. Reading the pining between these two can sometimes be a lot, but I love it. This had me smiling the entire time.

someone new by stardropdream/stardropdream teen, fake dating, 27,000 words, no warnings

Keith volunteers to go to a wedding with Shiro, and not as a friend, but as a fake boyfriend. Fake dating is always so fun to read because of the mutual pining. And sharing a bed? Hell yeah.

special delivery by inatrice mature, delivery boy au, 13,000 words, implied sexual content

Shiro orders food and begins to develop feelings for the delivery boy. I love the entire concept of this. I also really loved reading how their friendship became something more.

super-sargasso sea by prowomptowo teen, modern au, hurt and comfort, 3000 words, no warnings

Shiro has had troubles dating since he’s returned from war, but then Keith comes along. When I knew I was gonna make another fic rec post, I went through my history for at least an hour to hunt this one down. It really tugs on my heart.

the nearly wed show! by airawyn/thats-what-sidhe-said teen, engagement, 7500 words, no warnings

To continue helping the coalition, Shiro and Keith go to other planets to take part of their traditions after they become engaged. This was a fun read and I loved seeing other characters make an appearance as well.

the stars came falling on our heads by cosmicwolfs/cosmicwolfs general, season three, hurt and comfort, 2000 words, no warnings

Keith cuts Shiro’s hair. I also said this in my last fic rec post, but I love fics like this as well. I think it’s very intimate and shows their bond. This fic showed that beautifully.

the things we can’t fix by inky mature, yeehaw au, hurt and comfort, 3000 words, no warnings

Based on the Yeehaw AU, Shiro comes home one night and Keith knows something is wrong, but Shiro won’t say what. I really love the Yeehaw AU and this captured their beautiful and supportive relationship.

these howling ghost will cleave our lionhearts, but still we roar by prettyshiroic (kcgane)/kcgane mature, modern au, business trip, 5500 words, no warnings

Keith’s job asks for him to go away for three weeks, which is the longest he’s been away from Shiro in a while, and doesn’t know if he should do it. Keith’s job being that he can connect with big cats and helps them? I never knew I needed this.

together we make a family by anecdotalist/likealeafonthewind general, post season seven, fake marriage, 15,000 words, no warnings

Shiro tells the paramedics that he’s Keith’s husband so he can stay with him while in the hospital. Post season seven fics that take place in the hospital are my cup of tea, especially with Shiro wanting to be close to Keith. This entire fic was a very good cup of tea.

whisper by soulofme no rating, dialogue only, 250 words, no warnings

Keith tells Shiro a secret. Reading a dialogue fic was different, but I loved it. It was very in character and I was able to easily imagine this happening between them.

you & me (mother already knows) by inky mature, post season seven, fluff and humor, 4000 words, no warnings

Next part of this fic and part two of series. Krolia spends some time alone with Shiro while in Keith’s hospital room. This was a wonderful continuation to the first part and I love reading Shiro and Krolia bonding over their love for Keith.

Multiple Chapters

a self-fulfilling prophecy of endless possibility by spectrespecs/exitlude teen, outsider perspective, 14,000 words, no warnings, complete (2/2)

The growth of Shiro and Keith through the eyes of Iverson. Outsider perspective fics are always nice to read and reading it through Iverson was really interesting. I thought this was very heartwarming.

bring it home to you baby by tagteamme/phaltu explicit, sugar daddy au, 63,000 words, nsfw content, complete (6/6)

Shiro offers to pay for Keith’s items that he accidentally broke, but it doesn’t stop there. I loved reading how much closer these two got throughout the story just as much as Shiro loves spending money on Keith. It’s what he deserves.

emotional sexual bender by pumpkinless/disloyalpunk explicit, frat au, 9000 words, nsfw content, complete (2/2), part two of series

Keith shows up at Shiro’s expecting sex, but gets a meal instead. I love the Frat AU and I love how this part shows that Shiro wants more. Make sure to read part one before reading this one!

every breath you take by arahir/arahir explicit, mermaid au, 25,000 words, nsfw content, ongoing (4/6)

Keith has always been told to stay away from the water. I’ve never read a mermaid AU before, so this one is really fun to read! Shiro giving Keith gifts is really cute as well.

flesh & electricity by arcadenemesis/copilotsheith explicit, phantom limb pain, 56,000 words, suggestive themes, complete (3/3)

Shiro has been experiencing phantom limb pain and Keith is there to help. This fic is absolutely gorgeous and I stopped anything I was doing to read an update. I think about this fic a lot.

hello, i love you, won’t you tell me your name by perzimon/perzimon teen, anesthesia, 12,000 words, explicit language, complete (2/2)

Keith gets his wisdom teeth removed and has a lot to say about Shiro. I finally got around to reading this fic and now I understand why everyone loves it. This is one of the funniest fics I’ve ever read.

i like me better (when i’m with you) by cherryburlesque/sheikofthesheikah and sagesins explicit, college au, 25,000 words, nsfw content, complete (6/6)

Shiro liked to keep Friday nights to himself, but now he spends them paying attention to the guitarist of Matt’s new band. I think this is the first band AU that I’ve read and I really enjoyed it! Their interactions and time together was really cute.

lost and found by rosegardenlake/whoalookingcooljoker teen, hurt and comfort, 8000 words, suggestive themes, complete (2/2)

Keith has never had the greatest birthdays, but Shiro makes them better. I’m glad that Keith can spend his birthdays with the ones he loves. This fic also features Keith’s dad, which I really enjoy reading. reaching for orbit by kittymills/flashedarrow mature, past relationships, 23,000 words, no warnings, complete (2/2)

Shiro and Keith see each other for the first time in a while and with that comes their past. The mix of mutual pining and angst was beautiful and done really well. Also, reading about Shiro having a kid and Keith helping out pulled on my heart strings.

recovery room by kasen mature, college au, 14,000 words, nsfw content, ongoing (4/?)

Keith has a lot to say about his nurse and Lance got it all on film. This is so cute and made me feel Keith’s embarrassment. It’s also fun learning more about these two through videos they’re shown.

slow down (i just wanna get to know you) by tagteamme/phaltu teen, snail racing au, 21,000 words, suggestive themes, complete (3/3)

Shiro and Keith may be enemies when they compete, but it’s a different story off the track. A snail racing AU is something I never thought I’d read, but Sheith can work with anything. This has changed my views on snail racing.

the stars as no one else has them by annathaema (moony)/annathaema mature, college au, 40,000 words, implied sexual content, complete (13/13)

There’s a guy that keeps waving at Keith on campus and finally, Keith approaches him. They are both so cute in this fic. The ending of this fic actually made me gasp.

to the beat of our drums by flusteredkeith/flusteredkeith teen, marching band au, 17,000 words, no warnings, ongoing (1/3)

Shiro, the drum major, knows Keith will one day be a great drum captain after he graduates. As someone who was in marching band and has definitely thought of these two in that setting, I had the biggest smile on my face while reading this. Percussion and drum major suits these two well and Shiro yelling band commands is everything I’ve ever wanted.

we will call this place our home by novaviis/novaviis mature, post war, 20,000 words, nsfw content, ongoing (4/6)

The life of Shiro and Keith after the war. No matter how many fics I read like this, they never get old. Everything about this is so domestic and it makes me feel warm.

with every leaf a miracle by cosmicbees/patienceyieldslove teen, flower shop au, 9000 words, no warnings, complete (3/3)

Shiro works at a flower shop and Keith keeps coming in to buy something. I love anything that involves these two and flowers. This fic does a wonderful job showing just how much of a gay disaster Shiro is and I love it.

#sheith #takashi shirogane #keith kogane #voltron #sheith fic #sheith fic recs #i always had to tell myself to stop adding fics to the list before it got way too long #so yeah there'll probably be more parts #long post #sydney speaks

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invisibleanonymousmonsters · 4 years ago

Text

Father of Mine – 2/2

Character: Bruce Wayne x Daughter!Reader

Summary: With the tragic passing of her mother, Y/N learns to the truth of who her father is.

Word Count: 4,100+

Warnings: absent father, subtle violence, mention of family death

A/N: The reader is described as tall in this fic. Bruce Wayne is 6′2 and I’m tall, so I’m indulging myself with no apologies. Read it or don’t.

Part 1

Bruce was working in the cave when Alfred interrupted him.

“Master Wayne, a guest has arrived unexpectedly.”

Bruce gave him a strange look. Hardly anyone showed up to the manor unannounced.

“Ms. Y/L/N,” Alfred added.

“Right,” Bruce sighed.

“She’s waiting for you in your office.”

Bruce found Y/N pacing in the room, refusing to take the seat that he was sure Alfred offered her.

“Y/N,” he greeted, remembering how she disliked the formalities last night.

She whipped around at his greeting. “Am I your charity case now?”

He feigned confusion. “I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about.”

She looked offended by his lie. “Don’t insult my intelligence. You paid all of my outstanding expenses that my mother left me.”

Bruce opened his mouth.

“Don’t try to lie to me,” she warned.

Bruce closed his mouth.

“Look, I don’t need your help,” Y/N sighed in obvious irritation. “Did you or did you not pay them?”

He took in a shallow breath, “I did.”

Y/N clenched her jaw as Bruce finally admitted his deed.

“I was only trying to help.”

“You can’t just throw money at me and expect it to make up for being a no-show.”

Bruce tensed.

Did that mean…Did she know?

“You read the letter?” He asked.

“No,” she clarified. “But I figured it out.”

“I had no idea,” he tried to tell her.

“I don’t care,” she almost snorted.

“You have ever right to be angry with me…”

“I’m not angry. I’m annoyed.”

She took a defiant step toward him and crossed her arms.

The heeled boots she had on caused her already tall height to make her be eye to eye with Bruce.

How many people had faced off with Batman and cowered with fear?

But she didn’t submit or show any signs of intimidation.

“Do you think I cried myself to sleep every night as a child, wondering where my dad was or why he didn’t want me?” Y/N hissed.

Bruce didn’t respond.

“You think I give a fuck about the father-daughter dances? Or whatever the hell people think dads are only capable of doing?” She narrowed her eyes. “The thing is…I didn’t need you. I didn’t need you then and I don’t need you now.”

Bruce felt sick as he listened to her.

“I have the sneaking suspicion that you wouldn’t have been there for those anyway,” she added roughly. “My mom loved me more than enough. I didn’t need anyone else. And she made damn sure of that.”

“So I’m not your charity case to make yourself feel better after my mom made it clear she thought it was better to keep me from you, than to ever tell you that I existed. Says a lot about what kind of person she thought you are, huh?”

When Y/N finally stopped, she was taking deep breaths.

Bruce wondered how long she had that all bottled up. He didn’t think anything she said was a lie. Y/N didn’t need him. That had become clear.

She had grown up to be a successful, intelligent, and independent young woman.

And she got that way without a father figure of any sort.

After a few moments, Bruce finally bowed his head and cleared his throat. “I never intended on making you feel like a charity case.”

Bruce saw as Y/N took in a deep breath and the guilt slowly took over her expression.

“Look,” Y/N sighed, “we finally know the truth. Let’s just…let’s just move on with our lives. OK?”

Bruce couldn’t deny that the suggestion hurt.

After processing the news over the past week or so, he realized he wanted to get to know her. This wasn’t the first time a child of his had been dropped on him far too late. He had failed Damian in so many ways because of it.

But Y/N was a young woman, fully developed and independent now. And Bruce couldn’t help but wonder that him being absent from her childhood had only benefitted her.

“If that’s what you want,” he finally told her.

Y/N didn’t know him well enough to hear the underlying pain in his words.

So she simply nodded and walked past him, having nothing more to say.

——————

Bruce adjusted his tie. He wanted nothing more than to rip it off his neck.

But he was on his best behavior tonight.

This year, the Gotham Gazette was given the honor of hosting the Pulitzer Prizes. And since Bruce and Wayne Enterprises donated quite a large sum of money to the Gotham Gazette, they felt inclined to invite him.

Bruce had every intention of skipping, until he found out that Lois Lane was receiving an award and Clark would also be attending.

He figured the least he could do was congratulate her and say hi to both of them.

That’s why he was trying to find them as soon as possible so he could and get the hell out of there.

Bruce finally spotted Clark talking to a woman whose back was to him. All he saw of her was the black dress and y/h/c hair.

He made his way over.

Clark noticed him when he was a few feet away.

“I see you’ve finally left your cave,” he teased with a lift of his brow. “I honestly didn’t expect you to show.”

But when the woman Clark was speaking to turned to look at him, Bruce swore he felt his heart stop.

Y/N’s eyes widened slightly, clearly just as surprised at seeing Bruce.

None of this went missed by Clark. “Oh, do you two know each other?”

Bruce didn’t know how to respond. What would Y/N want?

So he hesitated.

“I shot him for a cover once,” Y/N answered quickly.

She was a shockingly smooth liar.

Maybe she got that from Bruce, too.

But she didn’t realize that Clark could hear her heart rate quicken, catching the fib.

“And how exactly do you two know each other?” Bruce asked, recovering quickly.

“Y/N works with Lois a lot,” Clark answered. “She basically refuses to work with any other photographer.”

Y/N managed to force a smile.

“I should actually go find her and say my congrats,” she answered.

“And I need to hunt down a drink,” she mumbled.

Both men caught it.

Clark was rather taken aback by how she fled.

The Y/N he knew was always charming and kind, usually life of the party. He’d never seen her dodge a conversation in such a way before.

As soon as she was out of hearing range, Clark gave a intimidating glare to Bruce.

“Want to tell me what that was about?” He asked Bruce.

But Bruce only clenched his jaw.

“Past fling?” Clark asked with a somewhat disappointed tilt of his head.

“No. Nothing like that,” Bruce quickly corrected.

Not only did the idea make him feel sick. But if rumors started of the two of them being romantically linked, Bruce knew it would only make Y/N hate him more than she clearly already did.

Thankfully, Clark took his denial seriously.

“She’s not my biggest fan,” Bruce added darkly.

“Y/N is a good friend,” Clark told him – almost in warning. “Lois and her have become rather close over the years.”

Then Clark smirked. “She does know how to hold a grudge though. And she’ll make your life hell...if you deserve it.”

Bruce’s brain hurt as he realized how easily Y/N and his path’s could’ve crossed. She had been friends with Clark and Lois this whole time?

“I’m happy for her,” Clark added.

“Happy for her?”

Clark looked at Bruce as if it was obvious. “She’s being awarded tonight, too.”

How could Bruce not have realized? Why didn’t he think of looking at the list of people being awarded tonight? He’d been dreading attending so much that he didn’t even consider it.

“Bruce?” Clark asked with concern.

“Hmm?” He was not one to hum or mumble.

“You alright?”

Bruce didn’t have a lot of friends.

But Clark Kent was one of them. And him and Diana had noticed how Bruce was acting off for weeks now. Bruce was notorious for remaining stoic and giving nothing for people to try and guess what he was thinking or feeling. But they both knew it was something different.

Someone over Bruce’s shoulder suddenly waved Clark over.

“If you’ll excuse me,” Clark told Bruce politely.

Bruce’s first instinct was to leave now that he knew Y/N was also in attendance.

But he knew he couldn’t act so cowardly.

Was he really that scared of his own daughter?

His eyes glanced around the room looking for her.

He spotted Y/N at one of the bars.

Either her conversation with Lois had been quick, or she simply used that as an excuse to get away from Bruce.

Bruce walked up beside Y/N at the bar.

He knew she felt his arrival by the way her body tensed.

“Had I known you would be here I would not have attended,” he told her while looking straight ahead.

Y/N ignored his apology. “How do you know Clark?”

“He’s a friend,” Bruce answered casually.

Then he allowed himself to take a sideways glance at her.

Her jaw was clenched.

He wondered what thoughts she was holding back.

Y/N really did remind him of her mother.

When they were together, Bruce was convinced she was the prettiest girl in the world. He wondered if Y/N had found someone in her life who told her the same.

“Congratulations on being honored tonight,” Bruce offered sincerely.

“Thank you,” she answered shortly.

A beat passed between them.

Bruce was about to give up and leave her be.

“Does Clark think I’m one of your one-night stands now?”

Y/N might not know Bruce well, but everyone was familiar with his romantic history. He wasn’t one to keep the same woman around for long.

“No,” he quickly answered. “I made sure to prevent such a rumor from starting.”

Y/N finally slowly turned to him, her annoyance clear. “And you’re convinced that he really believed you?” She asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Yes, Clark has always been rather good at detecting a lie.” His tone was so confident that it left little room for argument.

But Bruce knew a losing battle when he saw one.

He dipped his head. “Enjoy the rest of your night. Congratulations again.”

But Bruce lingered, debating if he wanted to say what was on my mind.

“You look very beautiful. Just like your mother.”

There was nothing creepy or contrived about it.

Y/N blinked at the compliment, completely taken aback.

“Goodnight, Y/N.” Bruce dipped his head and finally surrendered, leaving the party.

Y/N felt a presence behind her shoulder as he watched him leave.

“Was Bruce Wayne just hitting on you?” Lois asked with amusement.

“No. Not at all,” her tone was dazed and confused.

“He’s a good guy,” Lois told her lightly.

“Doubt it.”

“I mean it,” Lois insisted. “The media has given him a bad image. But I think he likes it that way,” she shrugged. “It’s not easy for him to open up. He’s not quick to trust.”

Lois thought she was building up a possible suitor for Y/N, having not a clue that she was describing Y/N’s father to her.

But Y/N was too busy thinking about how much Bruce sounded like her.

—————

A few weeks had gone by since Bruce and Y/N had run into each other at the ceremony.

It got Bruce to thinking: would he and Y/N had run into each other at some point in life – even without her mother’s posthumously confession?

Y/N knew Lois and Clark, lived in Gotham, seemed to know the same people through her work that Bruce was forced to interact with to keep up his persona.

Would he have sensed a connection had that been the case?

The possibilities kept Bruce up at night…along with the guilt that had already been eating away at him since he first read the later. And he’d read it 100 times more since.

Of all the boys, Dick was the only one that knew of Y/N’s existence. And if he hadn’t been at the right place at the right time, Bruce never would’ve told him. He had just been in shock after reading the letter that he blurted out the realization while Dick was in the same room.

Since then, Bruce didn’t linger in a room alone with him, knowing Dick would finally let all of his questions loose. And Bruce wasn’t ready to answer them.

While Tim was the one to connect them, he never followed through with what the situation was. He already had too much to deal with on a daily basis. Tim simply thought he was doing a nice favor for a beautiful woman.

But if Bruce had told him, Tim would immediately do every possible background check on Y/N. He would be suspicious of the timing and underlying motives. He would probably assume that Y/N’s end goal was to get money or fame – or both. Bruce knew eventually Tim would come to the conclusion that Y/N wanted neither of those things. But it would still get an unnecessary rise out of the boy.

Bruce didn’t even want to think about how Damian would handle it. He knew his son felt a certain level of pride from being the only blood-son of his. Knowing he had a sibling – and an older sister at that – would most likely enrage him. And that wouldn’t make anything better.

Jason…Well, Jason would get a kick out of Bruce letting down yet another child. And it would just be worse that she was blood related. He’d be curious about Y/N. Hell, he’d probably be tickled by the no-bullshit attitude Y/N had towards Bruce and her harsh efforts to keep him out of her life completely.

Now, Bruce sat at a Justice League meeting.

They were only a few minutes into a council session when his communicator started going off.

The boys knew not to contact him unless it was an emergency. So, he quickly excused himself and stood to leave the room.

“What is it?” Bruce answered, his Batman voice in full form.

“There’s been an attack at city hall,” Dick reported back hurriedly.

Bruce frowned. The boys had handled much worse things on their own before. There had to be more to it than that.

“Scarecrow,” Dick confirmed. “He released a fear toxin. It’s bad Bruce. The mayor has been infected, along with half of their staff. I think it’s a new string. Our antidote doesn’t seem to doing anything. Even if it did, we don’t have nearly enough for the amount of victims.”

“The others?” Bruce asked quickly – meaning Damian, Jason, and Tim.

“They’re fine. Jason’s trying to get everyone out before they inhale too much. Tim and Damian went after Scarecrow. GPD is in a panic.”

Bruce turned to see Clark had raced to his side. Clearly he had been eavesdropping on the conversation. But the expression in his face prevented Bruce from getting into an argument about it.

“What?” Bruce asked him, knowing something was wrong.

“Lois and Y/N were at that council meeting,” Clark breathed out.

“We’ll be there soon,” Bruce told Dick before hanging up.

—

Bruce thought he knew fear from the few times his boys had been in trouble. But it was nothing compared to the fear he had knowing it was Y/N this time. She wasn’t a trained vigilante; she was just an innocent civilian. Bruce had not insured that she was trained and could take care of herself.

As soon as Clark dropped them on the ground, they were in the midst of the chaos.

“Lois!” Clark yelled.

People were too distracted to notice Superman and Batman had arrived.

Bruce looked over to see Lois rushing to Clark. He could tell it took all of Clark’s willpower not to embrace Lois from his relief.

“Are you OK?” Clark asked as he dipped his head and his eyes raced across his wife’s body.

“I-I’m fine. I got lucky. Somehow I was out of range of the gas explosion.”

“Y/N?” Bruce interrupted. “Did you see Y/N?”

“She was helping these kids get out and I was getting shoved out of the building. I tried to get to her but it was impossible with everyone’s panic. I think she’s still in there.”

Before Bruce could turn to Clark to come up with a plan, Clark flew into the building. A few people finally noticed the presence of superheroes and started murmuring.

“Nightwing, Red Hood – I’m at the front entrance of City Hall.”

Clark flew back to them not even 30 seconds later.

Y/N was unconscious in his arms.

“Oh my god,” Lois muttered at Y/N’s condition.

“She’s gone into shock. We need to get her to the medics,” Clark informed them. “She was exposed to the toxin more than the others.”

But Bruce was already shaking his head. “They won’t be able to help her.”

Clark gently handed Y/N to Bruce as he explained, “There are others in there.”

Just then Nightwing and Red Hood dropped in front of them.

Nightwing immediately recognized Y/N and his eyes shot up to Bruce with worry.

“Nightwing, I need you to take her back to the cave,” he tried to sound as controlled as possible.

Bruce was confused why Dick hesitated to take Y/N out of his arms.

“Do you have the batmobile? I brought my motorcycle,” Dick sounded apologetic when he explained.

Jason stepped forward before Bruce could answer. “I got her.”

As if she were the most fragile being ever, Jason carefully took Y/N’s unconscious body from Bruce’s grip. He could see in Bruce’s gaze that she was someone special. How and why, Jason would figure out later.

Jason had seen Y/N trying to help as many people before she was completely poisoned from the toxin. She’d risked her life to help.

Watching Jason cradle her into his body caught Clark off guard, always seeing the brute strength and almost animalistic energy from Red Hood whenever they so happened to fight beside each other.

“Meet us at the cave,” Bruce clarified. “Alfred will know what to do. We have to help out here more.”

Jason nodded before he hurried away with her and rushed to his hidden car.

——————

Y/N’s eyes snapped open and she shot up, sitting in a cot.

“Hey, hey, hey,” a voice she didn’t recognize said beside her. “You gotta relax.”

She turned to see a mammoth of a man sitting beside her, wearing vigilante gear with at least two guns being displayed at his sides. But it was the red helmet completely hiding his face and true voice that made Y/N feel uncomfortable.

“What the fuck,” she groaned at the sight of him.

Just a few seconds later, two men rushed into the room.

Bruce walked in still in his Batman uniform, but without his cowl – to Jason’s shock.

Clark was beside him, making Jason confused as to why he was still here. Surely he would want to be with Lois.

Y/N took in the sight before her.

“You were poisoned with a new strand of Scarecrow’s toxin,” Superman explained.

Y/N had seen plenty of pictures and shaky video of him. But now that the man stood before her, she immediately recognized him.

“Clark?” She gasped.

He didn’t say anything. But his expression didn’t fight her realization, just silently waited for the truth to settle.

“Does Lois know?” Was her next question.

Clark smirked at that. “Of course.”

Y/N gave a slight nod.

But now her attention switched to Bruce.

The Batman symbol was large across his chest, and his cape was still intact.

She looked around her surroundings and then up at the ceiling.

They were in a cave.

“You’re…you’re…” she couldn’t finish her sentence.

“Batman,” Bruce finally offered.

Y/N’s eyes were wide with panic.

How was this possible?

Now that the others had exposed their identity, Jason felt inclined to take off his helmet. Clearly, it was making her uncomfortable.

The hiss of his helmet being removed caused Y/N to finally look away from her father and to Jason, who still wore a domino mask. But it was far less frightening than the helmet.

“We’ll give you two a moment alone,” Clark spoke for both him and Jason.

Jason nodded and stood up from the seat beside Y/N, and walked out.

Clark lingered in the doorway. “I’ll be right outside if you need me,” he told her.

He might’ve revealed his Superman identity to her, but she was still his friend.

Y/N managed to nod in thanks, but was clearly still shook by all this news.

Bruce very slowly made his way to the chair that Jason had just been sitting in.

“How are you feeling?”

She shook her head. “Body’s sore. Migraine is killing me. What happened?”

“You were more exposed to the toxin more than the other victims. Jason brought you here. We had to make a new anecdote, and quickly.”

Bruce wanted to add that she could’ve died. But he didn’t see the use in scaring her.

“Oh,” was all she managed to mumble.

An awkward silence settled between them.

“Very few people know the truth about me,” Bruce explained.

Y/N’s gaze flickered up from her lap to look at him.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me. But I figured I couldn’t ask you to allow me into your world if I didn’t allow you into mine.”

She was silent.

“Y/N…” Bruce cleared his throat. The time had come. “The reason I left your mother was because I was starting this life. I pushed her away to protect her. I knew I couldn’t be the man she deserved while also being Batman. Had I known the truth…”

His words died out. It was starting to become harder to control his emotions.

He leaned forward in his chair, just getting slightly closer to her.

“Had I known about you, I would’ve…” He cleared his throat to try and hold back his tears. “I never would’ve abandoned you or your mother.”

He leaned back then. “But I know those are just words. And to you, they probably sound like empty promises for the past.”

“She never knew?” Y/N whispered.

In the few moments she was allowed to process this information, her mind immediately wondered if her mom had known about Bruce’s double life all along. And that’s why she kept him away from her.

Bruce shook his head.

“Thank you…for trusting me enough to tell me your secret,” Y/N finally told him. “I promise I’ll never tell anyone,” she quickly added, feeling like she just needed to clarify that to him.

He gave her a small small, “I know.”

Y/N winced as she thought about how terrible she’d been to him all this time. Now that she knew the truth – the whole truth – she was looking at everything with a new perspective. Even what she knew about Bruce Wayne, the spoiled socialite... it was clearly all wrong.

He used it as a cover. It was all a cover.

“I’m sorry for how I’ve treated you,” she whispered shakily.

But Bruce shook his head before she could even get the apology out.

“Do you think it’s too late for us?” She breathed.

Could they ever find any fragment of a father-daughter relationship?

Y/N was an adult – she had been for years now. And she made it clear she didn’t need nor want a father.

“Believe it or not, this isn’t the first time this has happened to me,” Bruce sighed.

Her brow furrowed. “This meaning…?”

“My son, Damian. His mother kept him a secret from me. She didn’t reveal his existence until he was nine. And she only did it in an attempt to disrupt my life.”

“This seems to be a rather strange pattern in your life,” Y/N couldn’t help but point out.

Bruce glared at her, causing her to chuckle.

“My point is,” he continued, “I don’t think it’s ever too late.” And he cleared his throat quickly. “That is, if you want to try.”

“I think I do,” she answered with a shy smile.

It was the first time she’d done so in his presence.

“I don’t know anything about raising a daughter,” Bruce rubbed his face as he attempted to make the joke. But she could tell there was sincerity there, too.

“Well, I’ve already been raised,” Y/N laughed.

There.

That laugh.

It brought Bruce back to his teenage years. It sounded so much like her mother. Her face lit up just like her’s had.

“You remind me so much of your mother,” he gasped.

Her face dropped at his confession.

“Really?”

He nodded. “She said you were just like me. But there’s more of her in you than I think she ever realized.”

Bruce saw his much his words effected her.

Y/N’s eyes were shiny with tears, but she managed to hold them back.

“So what now?” She quickly asked, obviously trying to distract herself so she wouldn’t have a complete emotional breakdown.

“Well, Alfred should have dinner ready soon. Would you stay?”

She gave him a tear-filled smile. “I’d like that.”

“You can meet the rest of them,” Bruce told her casually as he stood.

“The rest of them?”

He nodded. “Well, you only have to meet Damian now. You already met Jason, Dick, and Tim in passing.”

“And here I thought you had no idea how to be a father…” Y/N muttered with amusement.

Bruce helped her get out of bed, making sure she was alright to stand and walk on her own.

“Well, depending on which of them you ask, they might tell you that you’re right.”

--------------------

Thank you to everyone who read the first part. Let me know what you think <3

BONUS: This Game of Ours

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