#i always find it weird trying to put non-sims characters into the sims so while he is ENTIRELY based on my current blorbo fixation its not

[astravires]

hang on, i'm cooking

[catgirlforeskin]

I always find games that try to simulate people or society very interesting because, though all games reflect the beliefs of their creators to some degree, the only thing these simulators are is a reflection of someone or a team’s ideas about how people and the world work.

In Call of Duty, there’s still the obvious thumbprint of ideology, there’s the reason you always play as NATO forces and never against, but the main thing the game wants to simulate is guns, how they look and sound and feel, and that’s fairly cut-and-dry. But when your core simulation is an economy, or city infrastructure, or interpersonal relationships, you don’t get that.

The game I’m most interested in with this is Rimworld, in large part because it’s mostly a one-person project, and it’s on a more intimate level than something like Cities: Skyline. It also has an expansion called “Ideology” where every faction now has an intricate belief system (where you can also customize your own) where it’s fairly obvious that the creator has, at best, weird ideas about how governance and gender and sexuality and bigotry work.

And while there’s been writing on that already, what I really want to talk about is how this reflection doesn’t go one way, because the game has a huge modding scene that’s extremely accessible, and while many mods are quality of life features or just silly additions, a lot are active disagreements with the way the game constructs people and society, whether it’s overhauling how mental illness is coded, or how relationships form, or trying to add the ability to be trans and non-binary

And then these mods are often in conversation with each other, either building off of each other or outright competing, because even the most well-meaning additions still have to contend with the fact that translating the human experience into code is never going to go perfectly.

For example, I don’t use the biggest mod that adds trans people to the game, even though I obviously want us there, because the way it systemizes dysphoria and what transition means is in total conflict with my experiences.

A lot of the mods that add/change mental illness or disorders end up very imperfect, but there’s one mod’s version of autism that I love because, in addition to the basic stuff like “this character gets stressed by large groups or people trying to talk to her too often,” it also makes it so the character just straight up follow orders you give her, and she’ll get mad that you had the audacity to try disrupting her routine. She might do it later when she finishes her other tasks, or she might just never do it. I based a character on my wife and her little person hates the feeling of a rifle slung over her shoulder and will only pick up her gun when she absolutely needs it. She also won’t wear her proper helmet and instead wears a shittier one because she likes how it looks more.

And sure, the mod isn’t perfect, no effort to take the complexity of a person and simplify it into code can be, but to everyone who has ever had a game try to define you out of existence and fought back, I love you. Whether it’s the trans woman who dubbed over all of Jedi: Fallen Order because EA didn’t care enough to put women in, or my friend that I spent hours with figuring out how to replace all our soldiers in some indie rts game with women, or the countless modders for the Sims and Rimworld and every other game that simulates people who tried to make people who felt truer to themselves and those they loved, and everyone inbetween, I love you. I love you, and I’m glad I’m not alone in that fight

[moth-song-archives]

The Insatiable Flow of Time (1/8)

I remembered that I can make posts here too huh! Anyways, I wrote a post-MAG200 fic <3

I’ll reblog it again with the link to ao3 if you’d prefer reading it there :D

Rating: Teens and Up Archive Warnings: Choose Not To Use Categories: F/F Relationships: Georgie/Melanie, Georgie & Jon, Jonmartin (mentioned) Characters: Georgie Barker, Melanie King, Jonathan Sims, the Admiral, Basira Hussain (mentioned), Rosie Zampano (mentioned), Martin Blackwood (mentioned)

Additional tags: Diary/Journal × post mag200 × Post-Canon × Canon Compliant × Rated for swearing and me doing my best to write a fitting epilogue for my most fave story of all time × Bittersweet × Hurt/Comfort × Grief/Mourning × Gentle-Sad-Soft × Fluff × Non-Sexual Intimacy × Tenderness × Generally Hopeful Ending × Ambiguous/Open Ending × Catharsis × You know how TMA is a tragedy? ... yeah × Hope Punk × dealing with the fallout of surviving a literal apocalypse × Moving on and letting go × Trans Georgie Barker × Nonbinary Melanie King × Melanie uses any pronouns but needs to (re)discover this first × and is then mainly referred to with they/them pronouns for diary-simplicity × Melanie is ace in my heart ♡ × Jon is also enby but it only gets referred to in passing × Georgie has a Type™ × Character Study × i love them all so much × Nonbinary aspec author × it's very hope punk and somft BUT ALSO VERY SAD × in like a cathartic way × because i like causing pain :') × pre-written and updates every 2-3 days

I think I might use it to… rediscover myself. That’s what I liked about journaling in the first place, I think. Getting to think about things outside of my own head, putting it out there so I could move on? Maybe it’s time to return to old coping mechanisms and try again. Even if I haven’t really changed. Even if I should’ve changed. Right?

As the world tries to piece itself back together, Georgie grapples with her past, her present, and her future by keeping a diary. She also keeps having this strange, recurring dream that involves Jon. Post MAG200.

Finished at ~12k, will upload over the next couple of days <3

Day 3 - Evening

Melanie is sleeping. Basira is also sleeping, on the sofa in the living-room. She doesn’t really know what to do with herself, these days, so for now she’s staying with us.

I am not sleeping. I’m so far beyond tired that I can’t sleep anymore. It’s been... how long? More than a day, certainly. I’m at the kitchen table and the night outside is darker than any I’ve ever seen. There are no street lights and a million more stars than I could’ve ever imagined. I wish Melanie could see them too :(

Back before everything in my life went wrong, I used to be really good at this. I think I got my first diary when I was... seven, maybe eight? I used to be obsessed with it. I guess I stopped writing in college, after the incident, because it felt... wrong? Like I was lying to myself, trying to fabricate emotions that just weren’t there, keeping up with things that no longer seemed important or note-worthy. Mainly, I couldn’t make myself care about anyone or anything anymore.

I think I want to find that person again, now that it’s over. Try and… move on? And Melanie encouraged me :) I guess that’s the main reason. I found this notebook in one of the domains when we were rescuing people. I don’t know what I originally wanted to do with it, but I did end up forgetting about it until I went through my bag again today. It smells like fire and is a bit singed in places, but I kind of like that? I think I might use it to… rediscover myself. ...that sounds very pretentious, but this is just for me, so...

And I like that it’s just cheap paper scribbled on with a shitty biro. Maybe I’ll just burn it when all the thoughts are on the paper instead of in my head. When I can sleep again. And the prize for the most dramatic way of closure goes to Georgie Barker! But yeah. That’s what I liked about journaling in the first place, I think. Getting to think about things outside of my own head, putting it out there so I could move on? Maybe it’s time to return to old coping mechanisms and try again. Even if I haven’t really changed. Even if I should’ve changed. Right?

But I don’t feel any different. Shouldn’t I feel different, now that they’re gone? The entities, I mean, though Jon and Martin seem to be gone, too.

I keep remembering Martin’s expression when he told us to go early, how upset he was.

Honestly, I can’t say I’m surprised. As long as I’ve known Jon, he’s always done what he thought best. It used to drive me up the walls, but I also admired it, I think? I never would’ve told him that, but… Well. He’s gone now.

It’s over, all of it.

And I still can’t sleep.

And Melanie is still blind, and I still feel empty, and my fear still hasn’t come back. Everyone who died is still dead, and the trauma is still there. There were angry mobs in the streets, and people got killed.

I can’t quite believe that Jon and Martin went with them. I can’t believe they left us behind to explain the entire mess.

 We’re back in our old flat. It’s so weird to be back home. Everything looks the same, as though no time passed at all. Nobody knows what date it is. How long were we caught in there?

Outside, it feels like spring. There are birds everywhere, singing their hearts out. Sounds like more birds than there used to be, too. The trees are leafless and dead-looking, but Basira pointed out that they’re getting there... and it feels like spring.

I haven’t slept properly in 3 days because the questions keep me awake. It’s not that I’m worrying, really, just… thinking? I think I could sleep better if the worry had come back, but it hasn’t.

As far as we can tell, all modern devices are broken, too. Computers and phones and such, digital cameras, generators... we don’t even know what the rest of the world looks like. I hadn’t realised how much gets controlled by computers these days, we don’t even have central heating or water access in our flat. Rumours and news are spreading person-to-person, like in the Olden Days. We only have emergency systems that were installed in case of nation-wide blackout. I guess I’m glad we don’t actually have a blackout, we just need to get the computers back to work. (If I understood it correctly.)

Melanie thinks it’ll all come back to life in a few more days. I certainly hope so. I also hope I’ll stop feeling like this. Or rather, not feeling like anything. It’s so strange. Like in the first days after the incident, when I just felt numb?

They’re gone! I want to feel like a person again! What if I never get myself back?

 They’re actually gone.

 What will we do with our lives now? Basira isn’t the only one who feels uprooted. I think the whole world feels like that right now.

I hope my computer comes back soon. I miss music, and making things. My photos, all those memories.

I don’t want to lose all of that. I want to start fresh, but not without records of the past.

…I’ve had a lot of time to think about that, specifically. Records, and futures.

What the Ghost is done, right? There’s no fun in creepy ghost stories if you’ve been through an actual, living nightmare.

I think I want to start new with that, too. When everything works again, that is.

New world, new future, new podcast. I like that. I think. Make a record of what happened through eyewitness accounts? Or is that too similar to the Statements… then again, it’ll be more like interviews. And I think we shouldn’t forget.

We owe them that much.

I’ll have to talk it over with Melanie tomorrow. Maybe.

We’ll see.

God, I think maybe… maybe I can actually try and sleep tonight. Writing does seem to help.

 Note to self: thank Laverne for suggesting it. (Also for being there for Melanie. And listening to us. And stopping with that culty nonsense. She’s the only one we found so far, but she actually listened to us. Strange to think that in this world, I have to be grateful for someone not worshipping me for some dumb reason?!)

   Day 4 - Morning

So. Three things.

1) I did manage to fall asleep after all! I’ve always been a bit of an insomniac, especially after the incident, so actually getting some proper rest felt really good.

2) I somehow woke up right as the sun went up! I think I’ve never seen a dawn this beautiful? I watched it from the bedroom window and I’ll definitely describe it to her in detail when she wakes up! The Admiral was sleeping on our pillow, right next to her head, snuggled up against the back of her neck and shoulder... it was so cute. I can’t believe my phone and camera still don’t work! Melanie has that old polaroid camera somewhere but we haven’t found it yet, and I wish my art skills were any better. I did draw a sketch of the two of them though. I’ll cherish it forever, no matter how shitty it is :’)

After everything that happened, the Admiral is still a bit weird around us. He started out really aggressive, calmed down a bit, and now… now he’s weirdly skittish? Meows a lot. Keeps walking around the flat. The only thing that even remotely returns him to how he used to be is tuna. It’s weird.

But seeing him like that, with Melanie? I love him so much.

I think he’ll be okay.

But before I forget, and why I actually got out the diary at this ungodly hour instead of trying to go back to sleep now that the sun is up…

3) I had a really nice dream. And... I don’t even know. I think I want to try and hold onto the feeling? I don’t think I’ve felt that… deeply… in a long while. Maybe the last time was before all this, when we decided to move in together. Before all of this happened.

For a moment, I felt like I was whole again :’)

It didn’t even have Melanie in it, which is very rude tbh. I think Jon was there? The Admiral, too. We were just chilling on the sofa, watching netflix I think... It felt so... mundane??? Casual, somehow??? Like it was normal to feel like that and I just... I want THAT. I want to feel like that again, instead of this weird… blank nothingness? I want that all the time, not just when I’m riding a high or feeling so terrible that it pierces through.

I don’t know if that makes sense but this is just for me anyway so I suppose it doesn’t have to.

 I think I should feel bad about Jon being gone, but I still don’t even feel relief at it being over. Just this vague numbness.

I hate it so much, except I don’t, actually, I just know that I should?

Melanie keeps saying that I need a therapist but if we’re being honest here, I guess I need one the least? The whole goddamn world needs therapy right now. Including the therapists. And I’ve been dealing with this for a long time now.

I guess I keep hoping it’ll just go away somehow.

 Anyways. Enough introspection, I’m going back to bed. I hope I don’t wake them! :)

  Day 4 - Evening

 It’s night now, the sun went down hours ago. We have a bunch of candles, but I’m trying to use them sparingly, so I just have one lit. I put a glass of water next to the candle so now the light gets magnified a bit more. It’s a weird atmosphere, but I kinda like it? Feels… cozy! :)

I’m still not over how everything looks the same, but nothing works like it did before, and there’s this… burden? This collective trauma everyone went through. It feels so surreal. So many things are still broken… it’s like we woke from a collective nightmare, but pieces of it still remain, floating around.

And we just sent it away with the tapes. I really hope those other worlds are doing better than us, but what else could we have done? I… try not to think about it. I know I should, but I still can’t really bring myself to care, or even feel overly guilty for that? …

 Melanie fell asleep with her head in my lap half an hour ago. I was reading to her. She says she loves the sound of my voice, so I’ve started doing that in the evenings. (I still love that we had separate crushes from a distance on each other for ages because of youtube and WTG. We’ve been talking about that a lot, too.)

She still has nightmares, but apparently she’s also been having good dreams, and she looks so peaceful right now. The last few days have been a lot, but in comparison to before, and even before then…

It’s over. We made it out. We get to have a future together. I still can’t quite believe it. :)

 I guess I’m writing again (despite already having done so in the morning) because it somehow helped yesterday and I’m hoping to replicate that. And I have a lot to think about. It’s been a long day.

Basira is still out there, helping out where she can. I think she feels guilty. Melanie says she doesn’t because there was no other choice, but I know her, and I know that she’s lying.

There’s always another choice. We just say that to make it easier to bear.

I hope she knows she can come talk to me when she feels ready to tackle it.

I hope I ever feel able to tackle it myself. No. I will talk to her when I’m ready.

We did talk a bit about things, of course. Melanie doesn’t really remember her dreams, most of the time, but apparently she’s been alternating between horrifying nightmares and a really nice, recurring one that sometimes happens after the nightmares. She doesn’t really remember much of it, but she mentioned it after I told her about the Jon dream. Not what it was about, just… in general.

From the way she talked about it, I think her dad might have been in it? I’m actually not sure, but the way she smiled…

She has that little smile on her lips again, even now, dreaming. The soft one she gets when she talks about good things. About him.

About me.

(I still can’t believe she chose me. How impossibly lucky? How did I ever deserve her? But then, it’s not about that, is it? She is mine, and I am hers, and… life will be good. I know it will be.)

 She’s been smiling a lot more, these past few days.

[tinysatansierra-blog]

Markiplier manor is toxic here’s why

So Markiplier manor (Markipliers official discord server) has gotten a surplus of new people in it, this happened a few weeks ago the manor itself though has been up for awhile. originally a members only server it was eventually opened up for everyone and yes there are alot of genuinely good people and the mods are alright but unfortunately its becoming a toxic environment. 

SO EDIT i have discussed with the mods that being said ... im keeping this up as a reminder of we can do better we can help people who are struggling through something instead of shutting them down we can listen to people who are being oppressed and bravely point out new media that only worsens that oppression and stigmatization and not just the mods who i was kind of harsh towards but who are human everyone as a community can do better and this is a large community think of the work we can do just doing the basics like boycotting problematic content and helping those who cry out for it who need it (and noticing and shutting down manipulative/toxic behaviors) ... i dont know if im going to go back to the manor yet tho im going to let this sit give it a week yall can agree or disagree but know that if you try to be an ass your going to get shut down and your feelings are going to get hurt 

lets start with the basics “triggering topics” triggering topics can be anything in particular but it generally means a topic that relates to another persons trauma. Now while it is important to acknowledge a persons trigger words and try to keep the conversation respectable ive also noticed people use it to shut down people who come on freaking out because their dealing with a stressful situation/something traumatic just happened. This has happened to me personally and to a friend with me it was about being pro choice and having to in short make that actual choice. i was discussing this in the bathroom because i (like anyone else who comes in with baggage) did not know about any pro choice discords at that moment and was afraid of being stigmatized or going onto a discord that says its a safe space only for it to be filled with trolls. Mark manor is labeled as a safe space and many people come on there looking for support with me no one told me that the topic was triggering to them (which apparently it was because a friend of theirs had to make the choice not her herself think what you will) they just went to a mod early on when i just found the server as a member a friend (who i wont name) had gotten.... assaulted majority of her werent online and as someone who has been there and yes when she told me it did trigger my own trauma she needed moral support... the mod shut her down and deleted her comments and didnt give her a pointer to any other discord where she could discuss the topic openly and get moral support and be pointed to resources (it actually took me ten minutes to find and confirm a lgbtq therapy chat earlier this year for another individual discussing mental health) this was before i had gotten on for that day but i noticed those messages and i contacted her when she told me what was up yea it triggered my memories and its not fun but I FUCKING HELPED HER i made sure she went to the police to atleast file a statement (while the police dont always help it is good to have it on file) i even made her a plush and shipped it out to her and i would do it again and again because its not good to basically tell another person to shut up because it triggers others not without atleast trying to help them find another fucking place and making sure their actually ok and in a physical safe place  next is them claiming the manor is a “safe space” a safe space is by definition  “ a place or environment in which a person or category of people can feel confident that they will not be exposed to discrimination, criticism, harassment, or any other emotional or physical harm.” you would also think that the manor would be a safe space in the fact that marginalized and oppressed groups of people would be able to point out problematic content and have an open and free discussion about it and how it makes them uncomfortable. especially people of lgbtq community which alot of people in that chat are. yesterday (and this was what caused me to officially turn away from the server) in the patio (which is the members only chat) a Transgender individual pointed out the problematic content that is huniepop and how it fetishizes trans people as well as other minorities now this game i hear tries to make itself out as a “parody” .... its not its a sexual dating sim what would make it a parody is if sex noises were replaced with donkey sounds and the lewd pictures were replaced with poorly drawn doodles of tits or what have you its a game for incels marks hilarious when he plays it because he doesnt take the game seriously my issue isnt with him its with the developer. and if you did not know (which apparently people dont) the character poli is described as “a girl with a dick” the individual pointed this out because they felt like it dehumanizes them and paints them as nothing more than a fetish... and also apparently you can “choose” is poli is trans which kind of gives off the message that people can ignore trans peoples identity if it makes them uncomfortable... or if they dont sexualize them. and the muslim community is more or less in the same boat i come from the bible belt in usa im not muslim i am not trans but i do have a reason for standing with both and i will get to that in a bit so i was raised in a christian household in a christian setting like muslim women were basically told we cannot have sex and any sexual thought is sinful and we will be punished blah blah blah your even more closeted if your gay or bi because then you can face ... violence that being said to make the woman from the middle east hyper sexual like they did is kind of shitty even for a incel pleasing sex game. the individual who thought it would be ok to discuss this in the server because its labeled as a safe space and is generally “lgbtq” friendly thus believing he would have people agree and discuss ... was unceremoniously shut down by their peers and a mod was notified this person was not hostile maybe a bit frustrated because he wanted to talk about it and thought he would have this genuinely helpful conversation and people would listen and spread the word because to have problematic content be popular can isolate the oppressed group even more so WHEN NO ONE WANTS TO LISTEN TO THEM. if a group of marginalized people notice something problematic with content and you claim to be an ally of said group then you need to acknowledge and support what they say. they told him to go to twitter where he could potentially be bullied and written off ... because again its an INCEL PLEASING SEX GAME.(which means incels if you ever dealt with them will go and say anything to justify the game even using slurs and bullying) and to put the icing on the cake to change the topic they brought up robin ... i actually dont know who robin is as i dont really focus much on youtube creators personal stuff (it feels off for me to not personally know an individual but know their personal stuff without having actually talking to them its weird i know its a thing i have in my head) but apparently they recently came out as female and good for them im super proud of him and the patio members were discussing how they were proud of him as well for beginning to wear makeup and making themselves more feminine which would be great if they werent trying so hard to shut down the trans male who was trying to spread awareness on problematic stuff .... something he pointed out ... and something they gaslighted and said he was being hostile. really its almost as if they only care about trans issues when its someone famous discussing them  so what can we possibly do about huniepop being transphobic and the answer is very easy BOYCOTT IT like... yall were up in arms and boycotted jk rowling with snap and a turn do we only cancel the old and ugly? do we only cancel those who we dont think is funny? mark is not at fault he probably doesnt realize it and any comments made on the issue are talked down upon or drowned amongst other comments im not saying to cancel him im saying to cancel the game HARD. ignore the posts bitch at the dev demand refunds for your game. like consumers have infinitely more power than corps want to admit.  so you basically have a community that claims to be a safe space but only if you want to talk about sunshine and rainbows and its highly hypocritical of them to claim safety.  another thing is emotionally abusive/manipulative people hide in the server and the mods dont ever seem to acknowledge it. i cannot tell you how many times ive gotten into arguments with people who seems nice then turn into assholes then claim to be the victim when i or others go off on them. if you recognize my name you know i dont stand down when it comes to having a snarky or rude comment thrown at me if your going to be an ass were fighting i dont care how nice you seemed beforehand and you dont get to call a mod just because i actually stood up for myself or others sorry not sorry dont be a bitch nuff said.  now why would i care so much about problematic content? why would i care and stand by the transgender and muslim people (aside from being ya know... an actual ally and not someone who claims it for sympathy and brownie points?) its because i am autistic i am also able to function well on my own but there is a movie created by the famous singer sia it is called music it is a movie frowned upon by the autisitic community because infantizes and dehumanizes non verbal autistic people i am fortunate and unfortunate in not having to deal with much stigma unfortunate because i wasnt diagnosed until i was 17 alot of answers about my behavior could have been answered if i had been diagnosed earlier but considering society loves the quiet timid female and i functioned “well” for neurotypicals i was ignored. so yea you bet your ass im standing with them and raising awareness about huniepop and their was this one person when i mentioned this point i cant remember there name nor to do i give a shit about them because when i mentioned how autistic people ... how i was in the same boat with music by sia (again i advise that no one target the actress who was under contract target sia and please boycott her so she knows she cant get brownie points or money for a movie that stigmatizes who she claims she wants to “help” (*cough* profit off of *cough cough*) and only serves as a feel good movie for neurotypicals and ignorant people)  they said “i heard people who hated the movie i heard people who found it alright people are ALLOWED to like problematic content” ... and like ... does anyone else see the problem here? its not hard at all to boycott celebrities for making content  and im going to repeat this point  IF A GROUP OF MARGINALIZED, STIGMITIZED AND OPPRESSED PEOPLE CALL OUT SOMETHING FOR BEING PROBLEMATIC AND YOU CLAIM TO BE AN ALLY YOU FUCKING LISTEN TO THEM AND DONT SHUT THEM DOWN I DONT GIVE A SHIT YOU DONT HAVE A FUCKING EXCUSE. if you cant bring yourself to boycott a piece of media and replace it with the infinitely more suitable forms that supports the group you claim to be for your not an ally your a fucking hypocrite  and that is why i left markiplier manor i am still a youtube special ... thingy member and i will continue to be a member to support mark i want people to overall listen to those who speak up against a creator and a piece of media and listen to us all no matter how “good” something seems. .. also there is a video called listen it was created by nonverbal autistic people  and communicationFIRST a group that sia apparently communicated with for her movie... and then ignored  https://youtu.be/H7dca7U7GI8

[fromthemouthofkings]

10 Favorite Characters

Thank you @wisteria-lodge​ for tagging me!!

1. Grand Admiral Thrawn (the Thrawn trilogy by Timothy Zahn)

I stan 1 (one) blue alien Sherlock Holmes

[image description: the cover of The Last Command by Timothy Zahn, showing Thrawn as a blue-skinned humanoid with blue-black hair and glowing red eyes, wearing a white Imperial uniform. end id]

So I’m specifically talking about the book character here; I have no idea what’s going on in the Star Wars TV shows. But Thrawn of the Star Wars Legends universe (and the newer canon book, Thrawn) is hands-down one of the best and most interesting characters I’ve ever seen. He’s brilliant, creating battle strategies by studying his opponents’ cultural art to understand their cultural psychology and look for weaknesses in their thinking. And despite being a morally grey character, he’s not unduly arrogant and is actually extremely likeable--he has to work hard to get into the Imperial command structure that heavily discriminates against non-humans, his motivation is the best interest of his people, the Chiss, and he is always willing to explain his thinking to his close allies and friends. And who else would respond to being stabbed by smiling and saying, “But it was so artistically done?”

2. Beren (specifically, from Philosopher-At-Large’s script/screenplay adaptation of Tolkien’s story of Beren and Luthien, A Boy, A Girl, & A Dog: The Lay of Leithian Dramatic Script Project, which can be read in full here: https://rustbucket.net/leithian/index.html)

Do we not all want to yell at the gods about theodicy until they answer our questions to our satisfaction? I specifically pick Beren not from the original Silmarillion, as much as I love Tolkien’s work, but from Philosopher-At-Large’s script retelling, because A Boy, A Girl, & A Dog might just be my favorite work of literature of all time--fanwork, original fiction, or otherwise. I stumbled across it via a fanart of Beren on DeviantArt, like, six or seven years ago that referenced it, and my life has never been the same. It was hard to pick a favorite character, since literally all of the Script’s characters hold a special place in my heart, but I love Beren’s gentle, dry humor and his grim, determined, reckless stubbornness. His relationship with Luthien is of course the driving point of the story, but I thought that his relationships with Finrod and the other members of their company, and his backstory in Dorthonian and his interactions with the Valar were spectacularly done as well. This story is full of the grim determination to at least try and keep loving people, to keep throwing yourself at a problem and refuse to back down until you find a satisfactory solution, and Beren is right there at the heart of that, and I think that makes him pretty hopepunk.

3. Hamlet (Hamlet by William Shakespeare)

What is there to say about Hamlet that hasn’t already been said a thousand times by people significantly more learned and eloquent than me? I love him. He’s a genre-savvy protagonist trapped in a world where nothing! Fucking! Makes! Sense! My poor emo boy. I feel so much for him, being trapped in a situation where he needs to learn the truth in order to move forward and finally act, but there’s no way for him to get at the truth, so instead he just spirals further and further into fey, frustrated, erratic “madness.” Such a disaster bi. Definitely in love with his tired functional gay bf Horatio. Drama queen and Pretentious Asshole TM. In any decent modern au, he loves Hot Topic and gets all his clothes from there. I don’t even really do theater, but I’d love to have a chance to play him onstage.

4. James Dunworthy (the Oxford Time Travel series by Connie Willis)

The Oxford Time Travel series by Connie Willis ranges from hilarious (To Say Nothing of the Dog) to heartbreaking (Doomsday Book) and Mr. Dunworthy is right in the middle of all of it. For those who haven’t read it, the premise of the series is that time travel has been discovered, but we can’t use it to change the past, so instead it’s mainly just used by historians going back in time to study history, and Mr. Dunworthy is the head of the history department at Oxford University in the year 2060. He might be strict, but he has strong dad vibes, and, just, cares so much for all of his historians. He basically adopts Colin when Colin is stranded in Oxford over Christmas during an epidemic, he regularly puts himself in danger to look for lost historians, he helped invent time travel, and he knows that the point of studying the past is caring about the people who lived there. I want him to be my dad.

5. The 9th Doctor (Doctor Who)

Okay, I love 10 and 12 and 13 almost as much as I love 9, but 9 has to be my favorite Doctor. He was my first doctor, and what really got me hooked on the series was his kindness--hard-won and hard-clung to after the trauma of the time war. It isn’t always easy for him--the time war took everything away from him, and you can see how he’s tempted to be angry and bitter and harsh--but even so, he insists on helping people, on atoning for his mistakes, on nonviolence and using kindness and cleverness to fix things instead of violence and hate. He says, guns are bad and bananas are good, and every person is important, and when asked if he’s a coward or a killer, he says, “Coward. Any day.” And that philosophy, that choice, has left a deep impact on me.

[image description: gif of the 9th doctor saying “Who said you’re not important?” from New Who Season 1 episode 8, “Father’s Day.” end id]

6. Eliot Spencer (Leverage)

The whole premise of a group of thieves, criminals and con artists getting together to take down corrupt people in power is great, and Eliot is my favorite. He may have done some seriously bad shit in the past, but now he’s just devoted to taking care of the team, and particularly his hacker and his thief. I don’t know that he believes he’s worthy of their love, but he’s still somehow the most mature and emotionally stable member of the team; he knows how to control his anger and live alongside his regrets, and despite his grumbling, he dives headfirst into protecting the rest of the team and keeping them safe. Bonus points for being in an almost-canon ot3, and for the passion that he brings to his cooking. Also, I headcanon him as gray aro and transmasc, because I can.

[image description: gif of Eliot standing back-to-back with Parker and Hardison. end id]

7. Jon Sims (The Magnus Archives)

I’m only on season 3 of TMA so far, but I love Jon with all my heart. Working at a supernatural research institute, after having had a supernatural encounter of your own, and still choosing not to really believe in the supernatural until it knocks down the door to your office and riddles you with worms? Big mood. He’s a stubborn workaholic disaster ace, and I relate because I too struggle to interact with people and tend to get lost in obscure research projects for hours at a time. Somebody give this boy a hug and then a nap.

8. River Taam (Firefly)

Once again, there are a lot of good characters in Firefly, and I was hard-pressed to pick just one of them to put on this list. But River is a sweet summer child slowly overcoming trauma to find the joy and delight in the world around her that she had before the Academy, and I want all the best things for her. Bonus points go to Simon, who gave up everything he knew to save his sister, and Mal, who stubbornly sticks to his own code of honor even after loosing the war and much of his faith.

9. Lancelot (The Once and Future King by T. H. White)

A splendidly complex and morally grey take on our favorite legendary hero. T. H. White writes a Lancelot who struggles deeply with guilt and pride and imposter syndrome--who struggles desperately to do what is right and to channel the traits he finds in himself--both strengths and flaws--into doing the right thing. His scrupulosity is sadly relatable, and the lines “It is so fatally easy to make young children believe that they are horrible” and “ You could not give up a human heart as you could give up drinking. The drink was yours, and you could give it up: but your lover’s soul was not your own: it was not at your disposal; you had a duty towards it” are both absolutely haunting. It’s only implied in the book, but T. H. White admitted in letters that Lancelot enjoys pain, and is probably bi as well, and a bit in love with Arthur, and that he feels very guilty about it, and I just want a fluffy modern adaptation where Arthur and Guenevere and Lancelot can be in the kinky ployamarous triad that they deserve and just be happy together.

10. Luna Lovegood (Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling)

While I have some problems these days with the Harry Potter series and the transphobia of its author, it’s possible to like something without minimizing its flaws, and this list would not be complete without Luna Lovegood. I spent significant portions of middle school pretending to be her. She taught me how to embrace my own unabashed weirdness, and I wouldn't be the same without her.

@a-nerdy-shade-of-purple @conan-concocting-chaos @one-supportive-august​ @the-lyra-cal-trans​ @the-eleftheria​ @dumpstertrash​

[nox-scrie]

The Burning Devil

TMA5 Countdown- Day 1, The Corruption and The Vast

So... the trailer dropped yesterday and this fanfic is NOT really true to the canon universe but I don't really care (as Jonny doesn't care about me or my feelings). Also it's not corrected so I'm sowwy for this @pilesofnonsense . Hope y'all like it though!!

Content Warnings: Burning, Loneliness, Cancer and some kind of Madness

Characters: Jon "Jarchivist" Sims, Martin "Too Pure 4 This" Blackwood, Jude Perry and some OCs

Fears: The Corruption, The Vast and some mentions of The Eye

Rating: Teen and Up Audience

Setting: ~a month after the ending of Season 4

Word Count: 3585

~~

The Burning Devil

The train almost reached London when the weird things started happening. Most of the passengers were asleep, the train having been going non-stop for the last 15 hours. Nobody even cared to look at the two men sitting in a bed together in a sleep  car, one of the two shaking so badly you couldn't focus on his shape and the other franatically searching for something in a backpack.

The first light bulb went out as easily as if you blew a candle. One of the men started nervously bitting his lip, before abandonind the bag and craddling the trembling man in his arms. A girl on a few beds away from them, headphones in her years and a book opened in her lap, sent a nasty look towards the non-functioning light, and then looked at the two men as if she knew they were looking at her. She didn't say anything though, other than smiling in an approving way.

Then, the whole train shook, as if it was passed by an electric wave. Now most of the passangers were awake, some screaming in distress, others just mumbling about the poor quality of transportation in England.  Nobody looked at the men that were hugging on the bed, and how something started... moving on one of their skin. A sigh escaped the trembling person as they started clinging to their lover's sweater.

"Martin." was all he said, and then the eyes that have appeared on his skin started blinking rapidly, chaotically, and Martin started feeling sick.

"I... I think I can find it, Jon. I really do. Just..."

"No. The girl. She has something to tell me."

Jon was looking down at the dirty bedsheets, rows of sweat covering his forehead, but the eyes kept staring at the girl with the headphones, who was now half out of her bed and walking the short distance towards them. Martin covered Jon's forearms with a blanket, but he could do anything about the eyes that appeared on his lovers' face and neck. He was hungry, and there was no other meal than information, trauma, pain and sorrow he needed right now.

"Hey... is your partner okay? It looks like-" and then she saw the eyes. The moment was imprinted on her face, which turned a ghostly white, her black eyes wide and mouth started opening to let out a scream.

"No." was all Jon said, looking at her with his own eyes, and the scream was stuck in the girl's throat. The eyes on Jon's skin started to shine, as if blazing from within. "Tell me... tell me your story."

A tape recorder appeared on his hand out of thin air, and Martin closed his eyes for a few seconds and signaled for the girl to have a seat on their bed. She did that, but Martin wasn't sure how much of that was her own will and how much The Eye's. He extended a hand though, and she looked at it, panicked, before looking at Martin once again and seeing.. something on his face that made her take his hand.

Nobody was paying attention to the two men and the girl that were sitting in a bed, prefering to watch the windows that were now cracked in shapes that perfectly resembled some eyes. Martin started feeling his heart pumping, fatigue overtaking his body, and he didn't look st Jon, he couldn't. Instead, he focused on the girl's face and clasped her hand with both of his.

Jon pressed play, and the eyes were rolling around and around on his skin, all kinds of colors and shapes, from white to blue to purple and yellow, from small to wide and enlongated. His voice was calm, collected, and it sent a chill down Martin's spine as he tightened his grip on the girl's hand. He hated the this, the fact that The Eye had so much control, the way it turned his lover into a puppet. Even though anger was building up inside his chest, he took a deep breath and focused on the story. There was nothing either of them could do now.

"Statement of... Alicia Jesper... regarding the last car race she ever took part in. Statement recorded directly from subject, the first of November, 2018. Statement begins."

There was a moment of silence, and the eyes focused on Alicia at once, burning on her. She let out a sigh, one of distress or fear or both, and she opened her mouth and started talking. The words were heavy, and being dragged out like this was like seeing someone be placed in a chair and given a handgun, so they can kill themselves before it gets worse for them. Martin felt his hands crushed by her, and he realized that maybe she was angry too. He hoped she was; anger is not hopelessness, he would know.

"I've always been interested in cars. Either in an aesthetic sort of way, or driving them, cars are a constant in my life more than anything else... or, they used to be, at least.

My first memory is me in the front seat, being held by my father. I remember how small my hands were on the steering wheel, and how he laughed, or caughed, because I was shaking and I thought that's what it felt like to drive on a bumpy road. I must have been around three or four years old then, and my father died when I was ten. Mom never recovered, and by the time I turned fourteen, sha has changed half a dozen of jobs and has given up entirely on at least trying to get better.

When she told me we had to sell the car to pay our rent, I revolted. It was not my fault that she couldn't get herself into psychiatric help, and neither was the car's. I told her, begged her, to try to get into therapy and finding a job, but she was hellbent. And that's how I got my first fake ID.

One of the upperclassmen, some person named Morgan Doe, was into this shady, movie-like, kind of bussines. They had a reputation for faking IDs and other documents, and getting their hands on everything you wanted for the right price. I took all of our economies, which were really not that many now that I think of it, and asked for a Graduation Certificate and a fake ID. They haven't even looked at me for more than three seconds, and nodded. In two weeks, I was a new person, Allison Jay, an 18 year old who was taking a gap year before going to the University of Manchester. I got a job of delivering pizza without even trying too hard.

Now I just had to learn how to drive. There are many... many Youtube tutorials and Wikihow articles that really do help, but I had to learn it on my own, my short body barely reaching the pedals. It was a long process, but luckily I haven't destroyed anything in the time I was learning, and the police never stopped my car, even as I knew I was not driving under the speed limit.

From then on, it was the time for jobs related to driving: I delivered pizza, drove people around, even signed up for Uber for a while. The tips were good, but I had to clean the backseat so often that the material started wearing off. All in all, throught high school my mom and I did great money wise. She was still a nasty thing, angry and... in pain all the time, but at least we had something to put on the table every day. And then she died too, and I was left with a three-room apartment and crappy car. I was finishing high school then, and after the graduation ceremony, I packed my things, burned up any remains of the name Alicia Jesper I could find, sold the apartment and the car and left.

My first sports car was won in a race. It was a lucky strike; I was with one of my friends, Mirabella Ashton, who's place I was crashing, and we thought it could be fun. We were both into driving, and my friend even participated in a few races, but I was a newbie. Still, when this drunk guy came to us and said that he will race for his car, my fingers started trembling and my brain was on fire, and before I knew what was happening, I said yes. My friend was pretty tipsy too, and they let me borrow their car as long as I get it back in one piece. I joked that they didn't even know me, but I was nervous anyway. I placed a few grans on the bet, almost all of the money I had left, got into my friends' car and tried to calm my heart. I looked at the other drivers, all of them young and overrexcited that they will compete against a drunk guy and a girl, and the anger that started in my heart was more powerful than any fuel you can lay your eyes on.

So I drove. And I won. I shared the profit after the first race with my friend, and with the rest of the money and the car, I left the city. And so my life of car racing started. It was not always illegal, but it was hard to make a name for yourself in a men's world, without college or relations to send you to the top. I lived the next decade in abandoned train stations and open fields, drank so much booze my blood turned to beer, and had the time of my life. It was last year, when the incident happened.

I was good at what I was doing. I was so good, people were started to call me The Burning Devil, and got out of my way when I came to the races. It's not a popular activity, with only a few true sponsors, and after I settled down I started to get to know most of the people that came to these events. It would have been surprising to not notice the new person who came in that awful day, all dressed in red leather and with ginger hair.

She said her name was Jude, not giving a last name too. She said she was a newbie, as if you couldn't see that from how she was too-casually leaned on her car. She said she wanted to race, and that she wanted to race me.

I laughed, a bitter sound, and told her I don't want to crush her dreams when they're still so young. She in retutn extended a hand towards me, a wide smile on her face, and told me that if I give her a chance I might just change my mind. I didn't laugh this time; there was something in her voice... it made me jump slightly, as if there was a small flame under my feet. She was the one who laughed, and got inside her car without wating for me to shake her hand.

I looked at my friends, at my family basically, the only people who have cared for me and helped me improve, and smiled an already winning smile. They cheered me, and Mirabella, who was staying at my place for the time being, gave me a kiss on the lips. We were kind of in a relationship at the time, but that didn't continue after the race.

It was an easy win. I had a decade of experience and a good car, way better than the one I won when I was eighteen. I looked over to the girl in red leather, and she was staring right back at me. As the signal that warned us to get ready was heard, she smiled at me, again. This time I felt the flame cover my arms, and I hissed. I remember thinking that I should not let her get in my head.

This race was held on a hill, as were most of the races sponsored by Simon Fairchild. We were supposed to ride from the bottom of it to the top and make an U-turn to get back to where we started. It was more complicated than one might think, having to control the car both as you drive on a diagonal line, and and as you turn on a small area of space. Yet, I've made this circuit for more than a dozen of times so I wasn't worrying.

It took me only three minutes to get ahead by a good few hundred of metres. I could barely see har car, as red as her clothes, in the rear view mirror, and laughed out loud, feeling one with the car, feeling so free and so present in the world... The top of the hill was right ahead, and I was already feeling the taste of the rum the others' were going to give me and the smell of Mirabella's skin when she hugged me. It will be amazing to see the girl in red red with anger.

I reached the top of the hill witht he right speed limit to make the turn. My hand was on the break, at ready, and just as I turned it it... wasn't moving. It was stuck. I frantically started moving the handle, the end of the cliff top approaching me hurriedly, and I just couldn't. I started unbuckling my seat belt, ready to jump out of the car, and then I saw the red car, right next to my window. With half a mind I thought about how could she have gotten there so fast, and then I started to notice the fire. Her whole car was ablaze. She was laughing, but I couldn't hear her, just watch the wicked way her lips moved, and then she waved at me and I noticed that.. her skin was dripping. Just like the wax of a candle. The last thing I remember before plumetting off the hill was that her eyes and hair have caught fire too, and that it was beautiful in it's horror.

And then the car plummeted off the cliff. My seat belt was off, and I frantically tried to open the door, but it was stuck too. I think I screamed, I must have screamed, waiting for my awful end. But I.. I didn't die. The car was falling at a constant speed, like a paper airplane, almost floating in the air. The sky above me was too bright, and the green of the hill was barely noticeable in my fall. I didn't move, out of terror that changing my position might cause the lose of balance the car has. So I just waited for my inevitable death.

It's a weird thing, knowing that you'll die in only a few minutes, and knowing how it will happen, but being useless as in making a change. I watched the sky above me, that burning blue, and thought of my father. He has died of lung cancer from working long hourse in a mine around my hometown. Mom passed away in a similar way, lung cancer, but it was a weird thing... she has never smoked, or been around so heavily polluted air as my father did.

As the car kept crashing, falling, floating, I felt it. I felt the air being stuck in my chest, and I started coughing. I couldn't breath. I couldn't open my mouth enough to get in some air, any air, I couldn't make my nose inhale, or my chest stop hurting, and my head started feeling heavy as I was coughing and falling and floating towards my own death. I felt blood vessels explode across my skin with ugly pops, my eyes glued shut, I felt hopeless and wished so, so, hard to just die already.

And then it stopped. The car was still floating at a constant speed, but the pain in my chest was no longer there. I could breath, and I did that for at least ten minutes before allowing myself to open my eyes. The sky was brighter than ever, and I hated it.

That's how I lived for what must have been three days. It was coughing fits and the impossibility to breath, it was me crying softly in the driver's seat, not caring about any kind of balance as I tried with all my might to open the door, any door, and kill myself to escape from that hell. The sky turned black when night begun, such as it did everyday, but even that was too bright, ablaze, mocking me in its freedom. I couldn't sleep. I didn't feel hunger, or thirst, either, I just sat there, watching, wishing to die, wishing for the coughing fits to stop, but none of my wishes came true.

When I felt something of that floating shift, I was just getting out of a coughing fit. This one was different than the others, blood having painted my hands now. That was the moment the car started falling.

It took only a few seconds. It took only a few seconds for it to get stuck in a tree around the other end of the hill, and for me to open the driver's door as if it was nothing. I fell on the ground and started running, expecting to be sore or hungry or in pain, at least, but I was feeling nothing. I ran and left my crashed car behind, as far away as I could. I needed to get on the road, to hitchhike to the city, and to make sure everyone knew I'm okay.

That's when I saw all the people gathered right where the race started, cheering for the girl in red so loudly I could hear it from almost a mile away. I stopped in my tracks; there was no way they could have been sitting there for three days, in exactly the same clothes. Uncertain, I walked towards them and saw the girl, Jude, with her arm around Mirabella's shoulder, saying something in her ear. She was not burned up. She was fine, her car was fine, her clothes were fine. I was not fine.

When Jude saw me, she smiled that wide, awful grin. I felt like I could cry, but I cried so much in the air that I don't think I'll be able to do it again. Jude thanked me for the race, and kissed Mirabella on the head. Her eyes were slightly unfocused, but she looked at me with an indescribable expression, before turning in Jude's embrace, away from me.

"And thanks for my prize, too." said Jude, barely above a whisper, as she turned towards the crowd with Mirabella. I could see that Mirabella's shirt had a hole on the shoulder where Jude's hand has been, a hole that looked as if it was burned in the material. It was the shape of the girl in red's hand.

I hitchhiked the way home. None of my friends offered me a ride."

Martin's hands were sore, and Allison's eyes were red, as if she has been crying. Jon no longer had the eyes covering his skin and he looked tired, not sick, as he looked before. The trembling stopped, and the windows were back in their original shape. Most of the passangers thought they must have imagined them breaking, or saw the branches of the trees in the pale moonlight hitting across the windows and thought they were cracks.

"Statement ends. Thank you... Alicia. "

"Do. Not. Call me. That." she extracted her hands from Martin's grip and formed a fist towards Jon, clutching her jaw. "I don't know what you just did, how you made me talk, but what I've been through has been hard enough without some creppy guy digging in my past and making me throw up all my trauma to be recorded on that stupid tape. Do you and your boyfriend get off on that?"

"It's really not like that Allison, we-" Martin started, but she extended her hand and made a fist of his sweater, threatening him now.

"Stop it. Stop it. This has been.. a very weird night. I will go back to sleep and when I wake up you two will not say a word to me ever again, not if you don't want me to call the cops. This night, this discussion, has not happened."

Jon let out a soft, unamused laugh, and nodded. Allison got up from the bed, clutching her hands around her neck, and started coughing. She returned to her bed with her back turned towards them, headphones in her ears, and did not move from that position.

"I hate when that you have to do that." Martin said, failing to hide the edge of his voice.

"I know. Me too. But it will be over soon, okay? It will be over soon."

They looked at each other and Jon sighed, placing a small kiss on Martin's forehead. He has been getting hungrier and hungrier in the past few days, but at noleast now they had a plan. Jon clutched the tape recorder in his hand and looked at the sky, the sky that was looking back at him, and hoped that their plan will work.

[pensola]

I still play Overwatch from time to time, not as much as I used to due to the changes they did to my most used heroes (thus making me not want to "connect" with other heroes in case they are changed), and the restrictions to the freedom of playing the game, but I still had a lot of thoughts on Echo, both positives and negatives, and I want to let them all out so that I can move on and perhaps.

I like that Echo has a cool non-normal name hero-moniker. I know this is not that big a deal for most, but as a casual fan of comic book heroes, I am always a little disappointed when a hero's moniker is just a name, like Moira. Sometimes it makes sense, and sometimes the names are a little cool and works as a moniker (like Ashe=Ash), but I still feel a tingling sense of disappointment. So Echo having this as a name is cool.

Being named Echo WILL make it a bit harder to find her tags unless one specifies "ow echo" and such, compared to names like Junkrat and Roadhog, but it is fine.

I do appreciate that they tried to explain why Echo has that very human and feminine face projector instead of the weird camera projector thing in the early concept arts; I see it as Liao either 1) trying to make an Omnic be as human-like as possible to make people feel comfortable with them, like just how they project emotions will reflect humans unlike Zenyatta's face, or 2) she wanted to make Echo's face like how she wishes her face was, because I am NOT going to lie and say I never made 'myself' in The Sims but how I wish I would look, or 3) she designed the face after how she looked like when she was younger and more innocent, or perhaps based the face on her daughter or another young, female figure in her life. Or a combination of the three, that her face is sort of an amalgamation of various female figures she has observed.

Mind you, appreciating the explanation does not equal LIKING that Echo has such a very feminine face, and even less how very, very feminine the rest of the body is sculpted out to be. I wouldn't mind a feminine-like body, it is just HOW very feminine it is that is uncomfortable.

I will keep in mind that they made Orisa as a female-oriented omnic that did definitely not look female before they made Echo, but it still is uncomfortable just HOW Echo's body is shaped to be very obviously feminine in a sexual way.

I can understand the feeling of disappointment that Liao, the only Chinese and one of only two female founders of Overwatch, is dead when the rest, 4/5 men, 3/5 light-skinned men from various countries over the world, and 2/5 American men, survived. Even the one dark-skinned Egyptian woman initially thought to be dead was alive, but the one Chinese, female founder is of course dead so that her Omnic, forever young-looking and forever VERY female-looking with an Apple-aesthetic that some people will relate with whiteness, replaces her.

It does not help that the other female-oriented omnic, Orisa, also has a woman of colour as her creator, but both these creators are in the background while the omnic is the playable hero. That can suck. At least Efi will be a main character in the novel currently in works, and her being a young child is a legitimate reason for her not engaging in battle.

I do wish they would put some focus on who created Zenyatta and Bastian, the other omnics that have been there since the beginning. I can totally understand if they had not thought about that when the game was made, that they initially just had them be "factory-made", and when making post-launch heroes they got all into the details of the new omnic's stories.

I was thinking this randomly, but man is it lucky that Harold Winston also wasn’t PoC who died and was replaced literally to his name by Winston the gorilla. That would have made it three named people of colour that were sidelined/killed for a non-human to be in the spotlight.

I am genuinely curious who the voice actor is; if she is Asian, or Singaporean, and if she speaks other languages than English. Has any information been released yet?

So far her dubli-ult lines seem to be a mix of the original voice and her own voice, but I hope they will stick to either 1) only the original voice but distorted/autotuned to resemble Echo's voice thus making it sound like she just taped them speaking and tried to adapt it, or 2) she imitates the voice line, and it is distorted/autotuned to sound like the original user's, but again, it sounds wrong/fake. The way they are doing it now is okay, but it feels a bit half-done when they try to have it both ways, and it throws me kind of off.

(I also personally think her ult should be nerfed so that her using her dubli-ult will take her back to her original form early; thus, players would have to consider whether to use the easily gained ult early, or to use the dublication for the full 15 seconds. Even with lower ult damage compared to the originals, one shouldn't be able to see three Dragonstrikes within 15 seconds because ults are supposed feel a bit more powerful and rare than that, in my personal opinion)

[theeeveetamer]

I'm pretty sure my computer would burn and die if I tried to play the Sims 4 but tell me anyway which packs are the best to buy!

Sims 4 is actually easier to run than Sims 3! Especially if you only have a few packs and no mods installed! They designed it for longevity, and it initially came out in 2014. There’s even a laptop mode designed specifically for people with lower end systems.

And, fun fact, you can try it for free! Origin allows a free trial for the Sims 4, so if you’re worried it won’t run or you’re worried you won’t like it you can always download the trial and test it out! That’s actually how I got into the game.

Though I will note before getting started: Some of the newer packs require a 64 bit operating system or a Metal-supported Mac system. Anything released after October 2019 cannot be played on a 32 bit/non-metal system.

Though at the moment that basically just excludes you from the University pack.

Also note! Different people like different stuff out of their Sims game, so if it sounds interesting don’t worry if I don’t rate it highly. I tend to play with a more realistic slant, and for items I tend to like more modern aesthetics when it comes to clothes and items. With that in mind, let’s get to the list! I’ve divided them up by pack type (Expansion, Game, or Stuff).

Expansion Packs:

1) Seasons: Must Have

I will always, always, always shill for the seasons EP of any Sims game. Frankly, I am of the opinion that it should just be base game, but whatever. It adds dynamic weather and, well, seasons which are two things that will affect your game no matter how you choose to play.

Sims 4 is rather unique from previous sim games in that it adds a calendar system and holidays. Not only can you celebrate holidays, you can actually create your own and freely edit or move them around! I’m not kidding, you can get pretty wacky. Like, worshiping garden gnomes and punching each other in the face wacky. Or you can be a loser like me, make every single Three Houses character, and make them all have a lovely Christmas together because they deserve it :x

2) City Living: Good to Have

This one is down to personal taste. I love the city aesthetic, and the apartments are pretty fun to play around with. City Living also adds some interesting festival activities and four unique city districts. Another boon, if this is something you’re interested in, is cultural diversity! Sims 4 has been making a concentrated effort to include more diversity in their games, and a lot of outfits and objects in this pack reflect that!

All of the festivals and events will still occur regardless of if you live in the city or not, so you don’t have to miss out on all of the features even if you don’t choose to use the apartments 100% of the time. Though the bulk of the new game-play really is in the city neighborhood.

3) Discover University: Good to Have (Note: This is one of those 64 bit packs)

I admittedly haven’t played around with this one extensively since it just came out, but I think it’s great fun! I put Sim Sylvain, Sim Felix, Sim Dimitri, and Sim Dedue through college and it was a struggle (in the best of ways). Dorm life, subsisting exclusively on Ramen, and staying up until 2 am working on that term paper that’s due tomorrow... What’s not to love? I’m always a big fan of University packs because, again, I like to play pretty realistically. With mods I managed to get them into a collective $80,000 of college debt and can you tell that I’m an American yet? 

Plus, this one added the teaching, law, and engineering professions to the game and I will never not enjoy making Dimitri a psychology professor for the irony.

University isn’t really necessary to your sims’ lives, but it certainly does help them out along the way. You can choose to ignore it if you want to, but I don’t really see myself doing that when I play, which means this pack will get a lot of use from me personally.

4) Cats and Dogs: Good to Have

If you’re really into the whole rustic aesthetic then this is definitely the pack for you. The town they added is very cute and one of my more well used towns (currently the residence of all of my Blue Lions Sims). If you want your Felix sim to have 6 cats then this is also the pack for you, because you can’t have pets otherwise.

You can also create your own veterinary clinic, which is a feature I’ve barely touched but I’m sure someone will get a kick out of! It’s similar to running a business or owning a restaurant from some similar packs.

God, and you can do some crazy fuckin things to these pets. You can basically cross breed to your heart’s content, so you can get some weird ass combinations. There’s also a paint tool, so you can have dogs with rainbow fur and cats with green paws. Oh and you can have pet foxes and raccoons, but they basically function as dogs and cats respectively.

All in all a fun pack, even if I don’t use all of its content 100% of the time.

5) Get to Work: It’s Alright

Here’s where I start getting a little lukewarm. Get to Work added three active careers (Doctor, Scientist, and Detective) as well as the ability to own and run your own retail store. And these features are fun! ... If you use them.

With the way the Sims 4 is built, having a Sim in an active career and a Sim family with more than one or two sims can be difficult to manage. You can only load one lot at a time, so if you follow your sim to work then you can’t play your sims at home and vice versa, you have to load through every time you switch. There are no “home businesses” either, so your sim either has to live “off lot” and travel (aka you have to sit through a loading screen) tp the retail store every time you do business, or you build a living space on the retail lot and try to wrangle the game into working. This means you have to manually bring your sims “home” to the store every day, and it causes some issues.

Personally, I don’t like being minorly inconvenienced, so after the novelty wore off I barely touched these features again. Most of the CAS and Build/Buy items are career or retail focused too, so I can’t say it has any must have items. I’m putting it at #5 though because I know many people love these features and happily play around the limitations.

6) Get Famous: It’s Alright

I’ll admit, I had a lot of fun with this pack when it first came out! It adds a lot of really cool stuff, like the reputation system, fame, and what is essentially a YouTuber career. There’s also another one of those active careers (actor/actress) if that’s your thing.

Fame also works in a very interesting way in this pack, too. There are “perks” and “quirks”, so your sim can have their own celebrity brand and hordes of followers, but have extremely volatile emotions or a fear of being touched. Kind of an interesting reward/drawback system that hasn’t been present in previous sim games.

Personally though, this pack doesn’t have much longevity to me. Just like Get to Work it was fun for a little while, but I don’t particularly like playing “famous” sims so many of the pack’s features go unused. The town, Del Sol Valley, is pretty underwhelming with only a handful of lots, and kind of a sunny desert-y aesthetic. Which doesn’t pair well if you like the rain and snow from Seasons like I do.

7) Island Living: It’s Alright

This pack is great if you love island-aesthetic items and clothes, tropical islands, and/or mermaids. Personally? I love all three of those things. I’ve been using quite a few of the outfits and objects and roleplaying them as “Duscur themed” for my Dimidue family. I mean, we have no idea what Duscur actually looked like, but the items are distinct enough from most of the typical items in the game that it kind of works?

Anyways, the reason this is so low is because there’s just not much to do in this pack. Mermaids and swimming and that’s basically it. There’s only one new career (conservationist) and three part time careers (diving, fishing, and life-guarding, which I kind of thought were going to be full time careers when I bought the damn thing...)

I’ll talk about this later, but the mermaids are by far the least interesting altered life state/occult in the game. Vampires (and I believe witches) have skill trees of powers and drawbacks, similar to those celebrity perks and quirks I talked about before. Mermaids have nothing like that, so they get boring to play with rather quickly. Watching their tail flop out while they’re in the bath is kinda fun though NGL.

The town is really cool though. I love basically all the pre-built lots and I love the items, but again if you like snow this probably isn’t a world you’re going to be using much. That, and to use many of the new features (like boats and ocean swimming and building houses out over the water) you must be in this world.

8) Get Together: Skippable

I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seriously used any of the features from this pack aside from the town. The build/buy is a lot of Tudor style stuff, which I don’t tend to use, and a lot of the clothing is weirdly ugly clubbing clothes.

The clubs are really the big feature of this pack. Similarly to the holidays from Seasons, you can create clubs of sims that will get together and do activities. Basically any action in the game can have a club associated with it (from cleaning to “woohoo”) and you can have club perks that make your club more powerful, and sometimes infamous!

My main issue: If you aren’t actively using this feature it doesn’t really do anything. It just kind of exists as an extra sim panel in the bottom right corner of your screen. And I didn’t use it. Like, at all. That said, I know a lot of people find it very fun! I’m just not sure it’s worth spending $20-$40 of your money on.

Game Packs

I’ll just say right off the bat, I’m not going to talk about Realm of Magic. It adds wizards and wacky magical hijinks, but I bought it at the same time as University and I haven’t gotten around to playing it much yet. I will say, they added a ton of really cool objects and outfits! Especially the rugs. God, the rugs are to die for.

1) Parenthood: Must Have

Two words: Teen Angst. This pack fleshes out a lot of the younger life states. It adds teaching moments, punishments, “character value” traits such as polite or irresponsible, curfews, volunteering, sibling rivalries, mood swings, phases, etc. You want your kid to come home dressed like a bear randomly one day? This is for you.

I admit, I find a lot of the younger life stages in this game boring to play without this pack. I don’t think I could ever go back to vanilla sims after having used it, I find it that essential to my play style. Keep in mind though, this pack will only give you good mileage if you play families with sims of all ages.

2) Dine Out: Good to Have

You can own and operate a restaurant, which functions similarly to the retail stores and vet clinics I mentioned before. However, if you don’t want to own one then you can still plop them down in your town and your sims can travel there for dinners and such.

It’s really good for role playing dates and family nights out and such, but if that’s not your thing and you don’t care about owning one then this is not the pack for you.

3) Vampires: Fun, if You’re Into It

I actually played around with Vampires a lot when the pack first came out, which was honestly just a result of my life circumstance at the time (I was taking a literature course about vampires so I had vamps on the brain).

The vampire skills and vampire banes are pretty fun to mess with, and you can create a lot of pretty unique bloodsuckers. I had a Leo and Takumi sim, and the former was extremely weak to the sun and the latter could walk around in it no problem. Made for some fun role playing.

My two criticisms:

Vampires live forever, which means you’ll eventually get bored of playing the same sims.

Vampires don’t really sleep. They only sleep to recover their vampiric energy, which is only expended through the use of powers. It does not deteriorate naturally, so your vampire could be awake 24/7 for several sim days. Thing is, that just leaves you with too much time to do stuff. They’ll max their skills pretty quickly and then what do you do? Nothing.

Oh, and if you’re in to gothic-style stuff this is a must have for you.

4 & 5) Jungle Adventure and Outdoor Retreat: They’re Alright

I’m putting these in the same slot because they basically serve the same function: Vacations. One involves diving into ruins and hacking your way through jungles, the other is camping, but they’re both basically sim-vacations.

This is another one of those pack types where either you use it or you don’t, and if you don’t it doesn’t really do anything for you. Most of the game packs are like that, actually. Personally, I don’t take my sims on sim vacations very often so I mostly keep these packs around for the items.

Though I will say Outdoor Retreat added a ton of plaid so if that’s your aesthetic then go for it.

6) Spa Day: Skippable

This one basically just allows you to place and build “spa lots” in the world. It added the wellness skill, which ties into the meditation and yoga activities. There’s also saunas and massage tables, but I have rarely if ever placed them in a home lot for personal use.

Another use it or don’t kind of thing. I don’t even have a spa lot placed on my current world, so that just goes to show you how much I use this pack.

Some of the items are cool. Unless you really like those I’d say pass.

7) Strangerville: Honestly It Just Doesn’t Make That Much Sense As a Sims Pack?

Strangerville basically added a story and quest line to the game. I hear it’s pretty fun, but I don’t really play Sims for stories and quests, I play it as a sandbox game. So although I have the pack I’ve never actually played the “story” of it. It’s really not the best Game Pack to get as an entry to the series since it’s such a departure from the typical sims experience.

The town is alright, but again another desert so forget it if you like rain and snow. Unless you really really want the military career or you like the outfits and objects then I wouldn’t personally recommend. Especially for newer players to the series.

Stuff Packs

Honestly there are waaaaaay too many of these for me to rank and I wouldn’t really describe any of them as “must haves”, so instead I’m just going to put down my five favorites. But it’s really up to you to look at the items and decide if it’s worth your $10. Each pack adds a new “game-play” feature, though they’re very small and can be lived without pretty easily.

1) Laundry Day Stuff

This entire pack was actually voted on and “created” by Sims players so that’s a huge plus! More rustic-style items, and the game-play feature here is, obviously, laundry. Since I like playing more realistically, adding another chore was actually worth the money for me lmao. Plus all of the clothes are cute and comfy looking!

The Sims Team also has an amazing sense of humor and named an entire set of the items “Wicker Whims” after the WickedWhims sex mod for the game. Which, honestly? When a dev interacts with players like that it’s always really endearing to me.

2) Movie Hangout Stuff

The aesthetic of this pack is Boho-chic for some reason, so if you like that this pack delivers! The new game-play feature is popcorn and watching movies which can be fun for roleplaying families.

3) Kids Room Stuff

Another one that’s only useful if you play families, but it did add a cute little trading card game for kids. They can collect cards and battle them, similar to Pokemon. Unfortunately, adults can’t play, but I’m sure there’s a mod out there for that somewhere. A lot of the items look really good too, and I use them all semi-frequently. Kids tend to get the short end of the stick when new packs come out, so getting a bunch of hair, outfits, and items for them fills a good niche.

4) Perfect Patio Stuff

Lots of outdoorsy type items, as the name implies. Wicker chairs and outdoor counter tops and the like. This bad boy also brought the return of hot tubs (which probably has the cutest woohoo animation in the game, just saying).

5) Moschino Stuff

The items have a mostly modern, sleek aesthetic, and it adds the freelance photographer career to the game (which is currently what Sim Sylvain is employed as). I basically recommend it on those merits, because the clothes it added are godawful ugly and I’m otherwise not a huge fan of brand-sponsored packs. They’re nothing really new for The Sims, but luxury brands with hideous overpriced clothes aren’t really my thing.

Some Other General Advice for Starting Out

I covered some of this stuff further up but I’ll repeat in case people just skimmed this really long post.

I will warn everyone stay away from “My First Pet Stuff”! You are basically required to own Cats and Dogs to make use of a good chunk of its items, so you might just be wasting your money.

You can get a trial of the game for free if you just want to test it out to see if you’ll like it or if your computer will run it.

Never buy a pack at full price. I’m not kidding when I say they have sales for this game every couple of months. Even if there isn’t a sale there is a bundle option, which is significantly cheaper than buying individual packs! Discover University was $40 at full price. I purchased a bundle with Discover University, Realm of Magic, and Moschino Stuff for $50. Had I bought them separately it would have ran me $70.

In fact sometimes they give the base game out for free! I know they did a promotion like this this past summer. Sims really makes their money from Expansion Packs, so one of their marketing strategies is to give the base game out for free to entice you to play. Even if it’s not free, it’s always steeply discounted during sales. I believe you can get it for $6 right now. I have 1000+ hours in this game, so six dollars is pretty cheap for that much entertainment.

You can see every single item and outfit in a pack before you buy it. So if you’re not sure if it’s for you, just look! The items are listed right there on the Origin store page.

Mods are amazing. Custom content is amazing. If anyone is curious I can create a list of the mods I use/Custom Content I use for my various Fire Emblem sims.

[desperatelyseekingroleplay]

Roleplay partners wanted!

My name is Rhys. I am 21 years old, she/her, from the CT, love the color magenta, and own two orange tabbies. I’m looking for partners in my conquest to write! While I can't get responses in every day, I am almost always open to chatter and geeking out about all sorts of things.

  I write third person, past/present tense, and paragraph form. I'm a novella-ish writer, and do try to crank out at least four-six paragraphs each time I get a response in. Like previously mentioned, I want to stress that while I can't respond every day, everything I do write is full of TLC! I always want to mention this to partners beforehand, because I know some people would rather do rapid fire responses than one or two a week. My limits are pretty general; toilet stuff is a no-no. I don't like to write out top/bottom stereotypes or "seme/uke" tropes. Beastiality, pedophilia, and the like are icky things I would rather avoid.

  I write for all genders, ethnicity, and orientations! I am open to any pairings, and beyond that, varying genres.

  https://docs.google.com/document/d/18n3iuj4m9X1hBo9P2IezrKdTfkTrSKt0H34ZP6v3hHs

  LIMITS

________

  No unrealistic stereotypes of queer relationships, please. Yaoi, yuri, seme/uke, etc. Can't do that. Characters need to both have versatile roles; switching, so it's fair for everyone. Though, my characters do tend to be a lot more dominating!

  {{Very welcoming of BDSM, dom/sub, but this does not mean someone needs to be penetrated every single time in order for the dom to dominate. Get it? This can also apply to heterosexual relationships. I would literally love to see female characters who top, if you know what I mean. If given the chance, I will definitely have dom!females in bdsm-related situations}}

  Furries; blegh, no thanks. Beastiality, nekos, anything of sexual animal-related nature is a no-go, fam.

  Vore, scat, bathroom stuff, pedophilia. You know the drill! ((I am not opposed to consensual, legal age and non-reproducing incestuous relationships in FICTION! Sex is fine, just no children resulting from it. Reminder; this is fictional.))

  Okay, so despite those few limits, I am actually pretty welcoming of anything else. Smut, of course. Some kink a little out there that you want to suggest? Let's do it, dude. I am open to polyamorous relationships, any queer shit you're willing to throw at me lmao I am super OOC friendly and I am pretty much a garbled mess when I get to know you! I am open to crooked relationships, ones that don't function right, fluff and all cuteness, unconditional love-- my interests fluctuate! I am down, 24/7, guys! Here's a list of fandoms and pairings below.

_________

  **=Craving

  Borderlands

Handsome Jack/Rhys

Handsome Jack/Rhys/Nisha

Rhys/Axton

Handsome Jack/Nisha

Fiona/Athena

Fiona/Vaughn

Rhys/Vaughn

  Until Dawn

Josh Washington/Chris

Chris/Mike

Jess/Mike

Sam/Beth

Matt/Jess

Emily/Matt/Jess

  Life is Strange

Max Caulfield/Chloe Price

Max Caulfield/Kate Marsh/Victoria Chase

Nathan Prescott/Warren Graham

Rachel Amber/Chloe Price**

Rachel Amber/Frank Bowers

Frank Bowers/Damon Merrick**

  DC

Dick Grayson/Jason Todd**

Dick Grayson/Koriand'r

Dick Grayson/Slade Wilson

Dick Grayson/Wally West

Oliver Queen/Dinah Lance

Harley Quinn/Pamela Isley

Bruce Wayne/Clark Kent

  Batman: Telltale Series

Bruce Wayne/John Doe**

Bruce Wayne/Selina Kyle

Bruce Wayne/Jim Gordon

Bruce Wayne/Harvey Dent

Bruce Wayne/Harvey Dent/Selina Kyle

  Marvel

Steve Rogers/Tony Stark

Tony Stark/Bruce Banner

Bucky Barnes/Sam Wilson

Thor/Bruce Banner**

Clint Barton/Pietro Maximoff

Peter Parker/Harry Osborn

Peter Parker/Wade Wilson**

Gwen Stacy/Peter Parker/Harry Osborn

Peter Parker/Wade Wilson/Vanessa Carlysle

  Uncharted

Nathan Drake/Samuel Drake**

Nathan Drake/Harry Flynn**

Chloe Frazer/Nadine Ross

Samuel Drake/Rafe Adler

  Game of Thrones

Arya Stark/Gendry Waters

Sansa Stark/Margaery Tyrell

Daenerys Targaryen/Jon Snow

  TTGOT

Asher Forrester/Gwyn Whitehill

Rodrik Forrester/Arthur Glenmore

Mira Forrester/Margaery Tyrell

Gryff Whitehill/Elaena Glenmore

Gared Tuttle/Finn

Gared Tuttle/Josera Snow

  The Walking Dead

Rick Grimes/Shane Walsh

Rick Grimes/Negan**

Daryl Dixon/Paul “Jesus” Rovia

  TWDG

Luke/Nick

Javier Garcia/David Garcia**

Clementine/Gabriel Garcia

Javier Garcia/Paul “Jesus” Rovia

  The Mortal Instruments

Simon Lewis/Raphael Santiago

Simon Lewis/Jace Lightwood

Isabelle Lightwood/Lydia Branwell

Alec Lightwood/Magnus Bane

  Infamous: Second Son

Delsin Rowe/Reggie Rowe

Delsin Rowe/Eugene Sims

Delsin Rowe/Hank Daughtry

  Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator

Anyone/your dadsona (for the love of god someone give me a good, not cliche john doe dadsona and you will win my heart!! I just want to play a dad lol bring me some great ass ocs)

  Far Cry 3

Jason Brody/Vaas Montenegro

  The Last of Us

Ellie/Riley

  -

  Some basic ideas that I do have pretty big doc ideas for;

  A few marine biologists go to an island off the coast to study the marine life there, which in turn, turns out to be something much bigger. (Mermaid/siren prompt!)

  Soul mates; it can be like some of those AU’s where you don’t see color until you meet them, your tattooed timer counts down until then, or maybe even soulmates continuously reincarnating and one of the two has killed them for centuries in order to be “immortal”. For the first time, the victimized partner gets close enough that the other begins to fall and they start aging, together.

  Character A has an awful time living in the city; alone, and without mom's guidance, completely lost. One day they receive a call about a deceased relative, one they'd never heard of and apparently left their estate and everything in their will to A. With nothing but the clothes on their back, A took a shot and drove out to this presumed "estate", only to find that it's a mansion in a tiny little town with an eerie vibe and populated by the typical small town churchgoers and farm folk. Living in this town was a hell of a challenge; everyone was nice, too nice, and people were missing. Character B is an exceptionally charismatic, charming person and the only mechanic/handyman in town. A and B become friends, partially, when A needs to fix up the piping in their estate. A stumbles upon the attic one day, and for once, they start to get why this whole town reeked to the roots in weird shit-- their deceased relative was tracking something here in this town, having to do with all of the MIA townsfolk. DR has a board of possible suspects, and at the center? B. OSJFODSFHSDJSODFJD!!! Bonus content: B is, in fact, not the murderer, instead a vampire on a mission to track down the monster, same as DR. small towns give me honey moon vibes and I??? am so down for some kinky, albeit eventually fluffy romance between people who are trying to make it work. I actually have a doc for both TBD characters and a location. None of this is set in stone, so please share your thoughts.

  A doesn’t have any memories of their life, only being conscious and staring down at a mutilated body in a ditch. When they meet B, they learn why; welcome to limbo, they say. You just died. A has unfinished business; finding out who murdered them, why, and what else is holding them here. B is a reaper intent on helping lost souls pass over-- they were never born, and A shows them the delights of life before it’s taken. B learns to love A, and A doesn’t want to leave limbo. While A’s soul is clinging between realities, B must make a pivotal decision; squeezing tight on the concept of love, and letting A go. (BONUS!! REINCARNATION; A & B ARE GIVEN THE GIFT OF LIVING AGAIN, TOGETHER.)

  Coming of age story between two childhood friends who are separated by circumstance, and after ten years, reunite and learn that your first love doesn’t have to be the one that got away.

  Two friends drop their whole lives to go on a road trip once they turn thirty-- they elope together, leaving their unhappy lives behind them and in this grand scheme of mental breakdowns and tearful smiles, they find that love may be the only cure to a broken existence.

  In a post-apocalyptic world where a pandemic has killed off most living species, Character A is a lone wolf with little to do with other people that don't benefit him, except for a select few. A is especially rough around the edges, as he's lived through some sick shit and lived to tell the tale. A had once been part of a group dedicated to finding a cure, but things went south, and a lot of people died. A had a close bond with the leader of said group, and coincidentally they were the only survivors.  Their past together, having been deeply demented and twisted, caused them to fall out. Said leader has rebuilt a new group in the ten years since the last time they'd seen A. Character B is the only known immune person alive, and has dedicated their life to being a resource to finding a cure. A and his (current) contact/partner in crime have something taken from them, and are determined to get it back. They do some searching, and are confronted with this group-- they have what they need, but are only willing to give it to them for a favor in return. No one can outrun their past forever. (Last of Us-inspired!)

  An architect/treasure hunter is being funded an expedition to find a lost treasure and they are forced to bring along a reporter in order to receive the funds. the reporter and architect certainly don't get along in the beginning— they bicker, and clash on most fronts. the expedition wasn't meant to be dangerous. what was initially thought to be a simple job turned into something treacherous; bandits, a team of hired hitmen and their leader looking to take the treasure for themselves, and some rather supernatural elements that they both couldn't quite put a finger on. the treasure hunter and the reporter have to work together to get out of this alive, and get to the artifact before someone else does.

..and many more!! Thanks so much! If you've read through, please contact me at dotiscat@gmail.com and mention kiwi somewhere in your email. n_n

Rhys xoxo

[briteboy]

(circumstantial name by @earnoodle)

IT’S FINALLY TIME FOR THE POST YOU’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR (or maybe just that one anon)

there’s a LOT in here, newer questions are generally first so if you asked something a while ago and you’re only interested in that, scroll towards the bottom. also doing wcifs separately (errr i’m gonna try my hardest to ok don’t crucify me)

this mass anons post includes topics ranging from Very Sweet Things Said To Me That I Don’t Deserve, nitpicking stranger things, crying over ramona, lou theories, Cillian Is A Fucking Creep theories (true), and completely unhelpful reshade advice

let’s f0cking do this

You're right, apart from carrying his stupid brain, Santi's head didn't do anything to any of us. I apologize for anon.

I'm pretty sure I said that already but I love Rooney and Santi's relationship so much I literally have no words for it

ME TOO LIKE IT’S JUST SO PURE TWO NOT-KIDS SCARED OF THE ADULT WORLD TRYING TO FIGURE THINGS OUT WITH THEIR WEIRD BRAINS TOGETHER ;__; i love them

YO i didnt know u were a demigirl!! im a demiboy nb Buddies

hell fuckin yeah dude!! we are starting a demi club

Ok but like I really want werewolves. Like I know it sounds stupid but we have vampire and while yes I love my bat babes, I want a giant pupper friend. I have story written out and plans for a cabin to build. Now I’m waiting for EA to give me my big hairy babes.

DUDE i want more supernatural stuff too, mostly witches like I NEED MY WITCHES AGAIN!!! ts3 witches were so good. i didn’t like ts3 werewolves much but i feel like they’d be super cool in ts4, knowing how the vampires came out. i NEED it

hihi! i've been very quietly (??) following your blog for some time now and i just fawn over your characters way too much ?? anywho, i've been wanting to start my own little simblr story but ,, i'm not entirely sure where to even start? i have so many stories that i'd love to get out there, and i have the means.. butt, how did you go about starting out?? so sorry this is so long but i look up to you a whole ton!!! ty ily! :-)

i’m the (??) lmao that’s me always but ahdhghdfkshg thank you so much!!!!! i’m so glad you love them, it means the world to me ;-; and listen, that was me, i had no idea how i was going to do it because i’d only seen ts3 stories up to that point and i thought there was like a set Way to tell stories but i had no idea what i was doing so i was like y’know what...i’m just gonna do it how i feel comfortable doing it and i’m gonna figure it out as i go along. so honestly try to roughly plan out what your stor(ies) will entail and if you get stuck on planning and can’t figure it out, just jump right into it, try to make a few scenes or get the ball rolling somehow, even if it’s just random posts (i mean that’s all my blog was until i decided to commit to santi’s story.) it’s always gonna feel weird and awkward at first, but you’ll get comfortable the more you do it and it’ll figure itself out, trust me!

I read through most of your story posts the other day and now I’m rereading it again just to torture myself some more (and maybe catch up on some posts I may have missed). I honestly don’t think I’ve come across a sims story that’s so beautifully written & includes such evocative pictures as yours. I’m really at a loss for words, it’s all so stunning. & after a nearly two-month long creative block, it’s planted the smallest seed of inspiration in the back of my mind, so thank you for your art.

AHHHH AHSDHKGKDSJG WHAT!!!!! it’s always crazy hearing that 1) people actually care about my stuff, and 2) that it inspires them. like i really cannot believe that, stilL!! thank you so so much, i’m so happy you enjoyed it (as torturous as it was, lmao) it seriously warms my heart that you’re getting your groove back in the creative world, that means more to me than ANYTHING!! good luck with your art or whatever you decide to do with that inspiration!

 can i pls have your editing skill please and thank you

i owe most my editing at this point to reshade so honestly get reshade and u will probably become better than me

o added u on animal crossing and when you added me back i was so happy,, your little person is sooo adorable ((:

OMG!! thank you!! everyone’s person on there is adorable i cry i love them all so much i’m so mad tho it won’t let me add any more friends!!! it probably cuts off at like 100 friends or something STUPID

First of all, I love you. Secondly, I love your photos so much. I'm legit about to just ditch sims 3 for 4 now because of your amazing posts. 😖

LMFAO no but really THANK YOU I LOVE YOU!!! if you can manage playing both i admire u, i’ve invested too much time and effort into ts4 to ever fully go back to any other sims games tbh

The new patch made my game unplayable! I'm crying, I miss my doggos...

NOOOOO!!! hopefully by now you’ve found a fix, i’m prayin for u

long time listener, first time caller yoooo. i like everyone love your stories and your sim aesthetic so so so much and just tbh i was offended on your behalf about that ask from that person wanting to novelize your stories. like you were way too nice. this is your intellectual property and it's fucked up that someone would think it'd be okay to duplicate it as long as they used a different medium. this is prob a bad one to repost just wanted to you to know you're an awesome, singular voice

omfg lmao this is a radio show now *z100 voice* tellem why ya mad euhhh first of all i can’t believe someone even ASKED that, i’m in shock because like what this is so foreign to me. people want to write about MY characters WHAT! like that alone...takes a long time to process. and like i know i should say no but then i feel mean but they’re also my creations so like idk. it warms my heart that you feel so strongly and would stand up for me like that i’m cryin thank u for calling in i love u

I JUST FINISHED YOUR ENTIRE STORY AND I'M NOT OK WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE PUTTING ME THROUGH THAT SHIT IT'S AN EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER AND I FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE ABUSED MY (NON EXISTENT) INNOCENCE WOW

I’M SO SORRY U HAD TO GO THROUGH THAT ALSO I APOLOGIZE FOR STEALING YOUR INNOCENCE I NEVER MEANT FOR THIS TO HAPPEN OSDAFKJDSK BUT THANK YOU FOR READING I’M GLAD YOU ENJOYED IT EVEN IF IT HURT YOU!!!

I've been up all night and it's now 11am. I'm completely binging on your stories bc I am in LOVE and need a Molly in my game asap. Do you think you'll ever upload her?

omG my freaking story inciting insomnia i’m so sorry for ur sleep schedule first of all, but at least that makes you identify with santi even more omg tho ;___; (how many times will i say ‘omg’ i wonder) i don’t think so because she is so dear to me and makes my heart ache, she is just so special, i dunno if i could ever release her into the wild like that lmao. i haven’t even shared her with my friends (not that i really ever had a reason to) but like yeah. maybe in the future that’ll change but right now, no, i’m sorry <3

To change the topic: Idk if you watch stranger things but I only managed to get to episode 3 of season 2 before I stopped watching lmao it was so bad and Billy (a certified Cunt) ruined the whole show for me

YEAH I DID! omg. i have a LOT of issues with this season (mostly in how badly they tried to retcon nancy and everyone else not caring about barb’s death, how bad the writing was in the realm of nancy and steve breaking up and then her and jonathan getting together...holy fuck it was so uncomfortable with that 40 yr old conspiracy theorist guy i couldn’t even enjoy my ship getting together lmao) also ur right, max and billy honestly did not offer anything to the story...like i loved max too but what was the point...billy acted like their presence and the reason they had to move was so dramatic when it was really nothing...unless they’re saving that for season 3 but like. the whole situation with billy was so anticlimactic. he was like a walmart version of henry from IT. like boohoo ur dad’s an asshole and then he beat up steve. good character arc. i liked max standing up for herself but really...that whole thing was so lackluster, i didn’t care about it at all. ALSO I HATED THAT THEY DIDN’T LET MAX AND ELEVEN BE FRIENDS!! i’m sure it’ll happen in season 3 but like c’mon...that would’ve made the max character feel a little more important to the story. anyway yeah fuck billy and i don’t get why everyone is lusting after him or his actor they’re both ugly! thanks for listening

I just got the sims 4 + city living and I’m so excited! I was really inspired by your stories and style in general... I was wondering what packs do you have and also what are your favourite sims 4 hairs? I’m having trouble finding ones and I love your style!

YAY I’M EXCITED FOR YOU!!! omg aww it warms my heart so much when people say i inspire them because i never anticipated that kind of response, thank you so much <3 hmmm i think i have all of them except glamour stuff and fitness stuff. and pretty much all the hairs i download are here or here. (or the subsequent ‘tf’, ‘cf’, ‘tm’ and ‘cm’ tags as well, according to age)

UHM a 19 year old and a 13 year old? Poor baby Lou... Also youre a brilliant writer i cant

😬😬😬  stay tuned ajasdhjhjsahd thank you so much!!!

My stan levels for you have increased so much? like thanks for being a good ally, clAps for femmesim!

lmao thank you, i don’t really deserve praise tho i’m just passing on the knowledge of those patient enough to teach me. just trying to do what i can with my privilege u know. ily

How do you have teeth showing in so many of your pictures of Lou and Molly, do you PS them in?

i’ve gotten this question before and it’s usually just the poses used! i do have some lipsticks that have teeth on them but i mostly use them for just rooney.

Honestly, a fight between Santi and that new guy (srry, forgot his name while typing this) would be so hot. Like, I hope Santi would win but like just watching Santi fight him for Lou would make me happy!! Also, I live for your stories💞

omG i’m about to call up vince mcmahon they both need to fight on smackdown it’s gonna happen. they’ll both be shirtless too ok and THANK YOU ILY

boi poc can be PREJUDICED against white people but there is no such thing as reverse racIIIIIIiiiiIIIIIiiiIIIIsm

Lemme just say that you must be feeling so stressed rn. I love you and your simblr!!! Your posts light up my day!! <3333

OMg kind of. this week has taken A Lot out of me and i really just want to chill at home and play my freaking GAME but obligations. u know. here’s hoping i get a day off this week. i’m mad i’m probably gonna miss gianni’s birthday too (it’s on tuesday) and i wanted to do something for it!! i’ll probably do it late like i did last year too lmao i’m so sorry baby g ANYWAY u didn’t ask to hear about any of this...thank you for this sweet message i love you <3

why,,,, are people... coming to your blog to discuss race you are a fucking simblr WHAT

the real question is why do people go to you like its your job to educate them lmao like theres so many resources out there

SHAWDY u aint wrong reverse racism is literally a joke i am so sorry you have to go through all of this keep stepping on white feelings we deserve it

I was wondering would u consider Asians to be POC?

yes

I just finished Strange the Dreamer and it was fucking amazing. I cried so much and I laughed and I sat in absolute amazement at the world Laini Taylor has created. 100/10 would recommend

ahhhh i really need to read it apparently!! i’m like 10% away from being done with a dance with dragons (and then i have to wait for the next book like a peasant HURRY UP KING GEORGE) anyway this one is definitely on my list!

omgomg!! I just met this girl in my class who has eyes just like ramona's!!! But like instead of being brown w/ a little bit of blue, they were blue w/ a little bit of brown!!! Dude I was so shook I rlly didn't think ppl had eyes like that!

OMG!!!! that’s amazing! and yes heterochromia is a real thing haha. i’ve only met one person with it and he had the same color combo as ramona too, only his was full heterochromia, not sectoral.

*me in the background screaming* nO yOU LEAVE HER ALoNE baD-DAD-MaN!

ME TF TOO

every time i read some of your stories i get an ache in my heart that doesn't go away until i either cry or sleep so interpret that as you like

OMG ;_____; ok me too tho my heart literally hurts thinking about my characters sometimes...mostly santi...i hate him (no i don’t :{ )

hey uhh idk if you've answered something like this before but do you have a spotify or something bc your music taste is GOLD

THANK YOU!! you were the first person to ask about this haha and hopefully you saw my answer to the other question about it! i just made one and it’s here!

hi hi ! i’m seeing all the drama on da blog and i really want to read the whole story but i can’t get to it on mobile so i was wondering if you could link the beginning and tell me what the best order to read it in is ( i’m so confused because i’ve seen sm people y’all about a parallel story so idk if i’m being dumb !! ) i hope this isn’t any inconvenience also your sims are so beautiful sjajsjajs

hey on mobile the link is just: http://femmesim.tumblr.com/tagged/story/chrono i would honestly just recommend that order haha, it makes things simpler and it encompasses ALL story posts, or posts that give context. there are parallels in my story, lou’s is kind of a parallel of santi’s, only different...well...you’ll see. but yeah sorry this is so late! and thank you!!!

TU HISTORIA ES TAAAAAN BUENA POR DIOOOOS (YOURE STORY IS SOOOOO GOOD OMG) <3 <3 *OO* *cries in spanish*

MUCHAS GRACIAS ENCANTADORA PERSONAAAA <333

lou is wendy right? i mean, a wendy complex is someone who is overly mothering to partners, and lou is already a mother and ik that doesn't really count as foreshadowing but it seems like it could be a link to me. it'd make sense too, considering guys that go after younger girls (ew) are usually immature ie peter pan complex. it'd make the most sense that those two go together then.

heheheheh that is a VERY good observation...that’s all i’m gonna say!!

This has nothing to do with what's happening in the story rn, but whatever. I was wondering if you were going to mention lou's struggles with being a single mom and the stigma surrounding single motherhood? As a single mother myself I'd really enjoy seeing you take on the issue. Personally, my biggest problem was overcoming the generalizations people put on you when you're a single mom. People always assumed that I that I was stupid and uneducated because I had my son when I was 17.

yes! that will definitely come up. i will focus a lot on her struggles as a single mom. so far i’ve mostly just peppered in some stuff about money troubles, and that will come up again, and the issues you mention will be pretty central to her character as well. i’m sorry you have to endure that, it’s not fair. people don’t even realize how strong and dedicated single mothers are.

when you say Peter Pan, do you mean the Disney stuff or the og creepy stuff?

i mean the general themes of the story and how that translates into a peter pan complex: boy who never grows up, feels like he fits in more with younger people (haha...yikes), read the message above because that anon described the other half of the equation better than i could

Wait, hold up. That dude is cute but I feel like he’s coming onto Lou way too strong. I have a bad feeling.. Lou is like 13 there and he is 19 I mean I’ve seen bigger gaps between people, but she is not legal yet.. Where are you going with this? 🤨😅

yyyyyyep that feeling is warranted! i am going a way i don’t think you guys expect me to go...i think you’ll be very confused at the end of this part lmao. that being said, i’m not putting any of this in for shock value or to romanticize inappropriate relationships like this. (i’m probably going to be repeating that a LOT for this story but please just keep that in mind)

Hey mom wanna hear a fun as hell story? I just got back from the ER bc I fell on my razor after showering, and practically cut my nipple in half. (I am in so much pain hELP)

OMFG NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOUR POOR NIPPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’M SO SORRY I HOPE IT FEELS BETTER PLEASE UPDATE ME ON THE NIPPLE STATUS

U gotta watch sense8!!! Apart from the v awkward sex scenes it's v good, has a lot of representation and shit Just watch that shit show, u won't regret it (And if you do I cut your throat oops)

i’ve heard it’s good! i remember when it first came out and everyone was like Wow The Representation so honestly anything with diversity has already got me hooked pls don’t murder me.

I'm calling it now. He's Fi's dad. and he's a FUCKING CREEP!! Bitch you are 19!! LOU IS 13!! BACK THE FUCK OFF YOU PERV!!

no spoilers or anything but honestly i’m with you @ cillian die

Are they gonna fucc, o no

right now? no. that would be Very Bad

bABY ITS COLD OUTSIDE

oh same

Hi ! Your lastest edit (graveyard girl) is truly amazing, how did you make that bokeh behind her ? 😱😍

thank you so much!!! it’s reshade (with matso DOF)!

You've probably got this question a lot of times but i can't find the answer for it. What reshade do you use?

i gotta add this to my faq, it’s one i created myself but i started out with this one (it totally doesn’t resemble that one anymore but i think it’s a good starting point)

how do you make good looking male sims? mine always look the same and kinda girly..

hmmm longer faces, prominent chins and jaws, smaller eyes, bigger noses...generally yeah

What do you mean 9 + alt?

you gotta turn bb.moveobjects on and then press alt + 9 when an object is selected to move it upward. so what i did with those poses i made was, i selected a teleporter and pressed alt + 9 until it was at a spot i liked on the roof. that’s why releasing those poses would be tricky, ‘cause every build is different so there’s no set way to place them, you just kinda have to play around with them

You mentioned GoT so naturally, I have to chime in and express my love for Jon. Honestly, he won me over ever since the first season? I'm at season 5 now and people have already warned me so now i'm silently weeping, waiting for something to happen to my precious bby help

JONNY BOY!!!!!!!!!!! i loved his emo ass since the beginning but his arc with qorin halfhand (was he in the show??) was probably the best arc in book 2 and then his book 3 arc was just...SO GOOD, SO MUCH happens to him and i just felt like i was watching my son go through it all...i love that boy so much ;-; i’m almost at the end of the last book and i’m scared for him because of the one spoiler i know lmao and you’re at that point too so GET READY we’ll go through it together ok

So there's this game I'm playing where someone talking about another character says 'maybe you can break him from his ouroboros of self-fladulation' (I know I probably butchered those spellings but I'm not a bright egg and autocorrect isn't helping rip) and tbh it made me think of Santi. (Also I'mma scream of you get this reference jsyk)

OMG THE FACT THAT YOU THOUGHT OF HIM ;-; and it’s okay u are the brightest egg in the bunch to me. I’M SORRY I DON’T GET THIS REFERENCE BECAUSE I’M NOT A VIDEO GAME PERSON BUT I’LL PRETEND I DO KNOW WHAT UR TALKING ABOUT anyway yes santi is currently in the process of breaking his self-flagellation and embracing the oneness of the ouroboros (as opposed to letting the cycle repeat itself until he’s worn down to nothing)

do you have any favorite pose creators?

answered

do you have any tips for taking good screenshots in game? like how to get the good angles and good quality? i play on ultra but i think when i zoom in and then use the arrows on my keyboard to move around, the pictures gets less clear and looks kinda blurry. how should i do this?

well if you’re already using ultra, there’s not much you can do lmao. sims 4 is just bad with textures in general. it also depends on the objects as well, some are better quality than others. if i zoom in far on a sim’s face, i generally know there will be some pixelation and i can clean that up in photoshop with topaz clean and the smudge tool. i am very reliant on photoshop sometimes lmao. it sounds like you already have the basics of taking good screenshots, it’s just sometimes you have to fight and work with sims 4′s less-than-hd quality.

burn it down by daughter reminds me of santi & i'm in pain

ouroboros!!! death! birth! death again! birth again rinse repeat! also santi breaking the cycle because third time's the charm

The tattoo is an Ouroboros. It originated in Egyptian iconography, and it symbolizes recreation. My boy's recreating himself, I'm so proud.

ouroboros, the dragon eating its own tail. it's a sign of eternal renewal

i saw the post of child molly and just started BAWLING i miss her what the fuck she's my fave character i'M CRYING

ME TOO BICH!! ME FUCKIN TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i just read all of A Serious Case Of The Novembers so far and theres still tears on my face. some of the best stuff ive read in a while, great job on everything

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! ALSO I’M SORRY FOR MAKING YOU CRY

every time you write about molly and her in heaven it makes my heart swell, like the characters were answering asks and someone asked her what heaven was like and even though it was so small short lil answer it still pulls at the heart strings, basically what im trying to say is that your writing is so good! <3

omg ;_______; me too, i feel like she has such a simple way with words and although her descriptions of heaven are brief, they are also complex and beautiful, and even just writing it chokes me up ;-; thank you so much tho i’m so glad you like it!!

Molly: out Molly tatto: also out

why did this remind me of this post:

How did you edit in the fire in the last post? Looks cool

i searched things like “bonfire” and pasted parts of it that i wanted on the pic to make it look more realistic, then put a layer mask on the pasted pic and erased the edges and stuff to make it blend in better. the sparks and stuff i added by pasting it onto a new layer and changing the blending mode to screen! 

idk if you have every watched grey anatomy but Lou's backstory is starting to remind me of Jo (Jo is a character from the show) like Jo was in a abusive relationship and she is married to the guy but she cant get divorced or he will come and find her. So like if Lou didn't tell Fiona's dad he was a dad and Lou was married to him and cant escape the marriage (cause abuse), plus it would explain Lou's kink with being choked ;) full circle *god-like heaven music with tiniest violin is playing now*

ooh no i don’t but that’s interesting and i’m excited you even made a connection like that! i will say that it’s not lou who likes to be choked (the very opposite actually lmao) but otherwise the situation does kinda fit. i’m the violin

I have a freakin bio pre ap test tomorrow on photosynthesis and i have no idea what it is im going to fail save me

I’M ANSWERING THIS VERY LATE BUT I HOPE YOUR TEST WENT WELL!!!!!! *spongebob voice* photosynthesis

last time I installed reshade I couldn't get it to open the controls or shaders or anything in game :///// any tips?? I love they way reshade looks too!!

hmmmmm well i know the control panel opens when you press shift + f2, and then you check the boxes of the effects you want on them. i haven’t heard of this problem so i dunno what other advice to give i’m sorry :{ if it’s your first time installing it, you might have to wait a little to get it to load up.

Da puppy is so cute!!!

That dog and Romona are so adorable, I might cry

Ramona's cheeks are so big im in love

NAJKSDJGKJSD THANK YOU i love her and her chubby cheeks ;-;

OMG TOTORO IS SO BEAUTIFUL I LOVE GHIBLI UGH FKSJFJANFB

SAME!!!!!!! if i could only watch ghibli movies for the rest of my life i’d be totally fine with that

THE DOGGIE HAS EYES JUST LIKE RAMONAS IM GONNA FUCKIGN CRY

ME FUCKGN TOO!!!!!!!!!! it was fate (aka me creating the wolf pup to look just like her shh i am fate)

Hope I'm not bothering you but i wondered if you knew how to make Tamo sims eyebags work on a toddler? Do I just click in s4s to work for toddler on the "age and gender flags" when looking in My CC or do I have to do something a little more than that please? Thank you.

for any skin detail or makeup, you have to go into s4s and open the package up, go to one of the tabs (honestly i don’t remember which one because i don’t have it open rn lmao) and you’ll see the different age groups and you check the box for toddler. and then save it of course. (there’s probably a better guide on how to do this somewhere lmao)

Hey :) Sorry to take up your time, I was wondering if you use win7, win8 or win10? I'm trying to decide on one and people seem to have very strong feelings about it. Also what web browser do you use? I've used Firefox, but I had some problems on CC websites. Thanks<3

i use windows 10 because it came with my laptop lmao i honestly don’t know much about windows systems at all!! and i use google chrome because it’s never failed me (even though windows keeps pressuring me to use the new internet explorer called “edge”)

i just finished all of novembers in a sitting and 1. i'm Sobbing, 2. your music taste is bomb

THANK YOU!!! my music taste is like one part indie shit, one part rap and hip-hop, twelve parts emo middle school bands

what is the size of the original unedited screenshot?

1920x1080

For reshade when your first install and select the reshade you want to use do you have to edit the settings? Cause last time I tried to (I didn’t know what most of the things meant lmao) but it kept saying error or something so I couldn’t play the game so I ended up taking out reshade

do you mean the preset you want to use? i mean no you can just play with that preset, you don’t have to change anything about it. i’m not sure what you mean but i followed this guide for setting it up

Will you ever share your preset?? Or maybe a preset made be you??

i’ve answered this before but the answer is Maybe

Hi!!!! How do you make the rays of light you have in your photos?? THANK U BBY <3333

that’s actually in my editing tutorial but here you go <3

is reshade only available on windows + do we need to pay for it

yes and no

Hello love! I was wondering (and maybe it's a dumb question, idk) but what life span setting do you use? I would assume you turned off aging for your story but maybe I'm wrong ;w; Thank you!!

i do actually have aging off ‘cause i’m a coward lmao even in the ts3 days when i wasn’t doing story stuff and literally just playing i had it off for the most part and just aged sims up when i wanted because i like to be in control of Everything (aries)

I really just wanted to say that I’m new I your tumblr but your stories are amazing and I love them so much!!! Keep doing what you’re doing💞👏🏼

hey thank you!!! you are so kind and i’m glad you’re enjoying everything!!

In your reshade settings where have you set it to save your SS's to and which key please? I can't find mine after setting it to desktop/screenshots :(

i just set mine to ts4′s screenshots folder because it’s what i was used to and it works for me haha. hmmmmmm did you copy the exact address or whatever it’s called of your folder’s location and then paste it into the reshade box? try doing that with another location and see if it works. if anything you can do what i did ‘cause it worked for me 

ok SO i came across this music video for this like spanish/english speaking indie band called The Marías and the song was déjate llevar and literally everything about the music video reminded me of rooney and gianni

OMMMGGG i love this so much, i cry @ music suggestions and this is so them ;-; i think i’ve heard of this band before actually!!

a little life is going to fucking ruin you,,, just a warning

great! i look forward to it

can a steal ur talent

have it i don’t need it

What app are you using to make them cool edit things??

i tagged it but it was doodle face

omg Strange the Dreamer is so freaking amazing! It’s literally one of my favorite books of all time; You’ll love it. The writing is absolutely delightful

you guys are really singin the praises for this book!! i have so many dang books to read i swear

[sophygurl]

I love the question memes and my fave kind is the kind @pixiedane​ just tagged me in (thank you!). [Also sidenote: ILU @theawkwardterrier​ for always tagging me in the tagging memes but JSYK I won’t be doing the latest one because I’m just not really a picture person so I don’t really have a lot of pictures saved and the idea of trying to use whatever weird random stuff I might have saved to describe myself would just not work. But you’re the best and I’ll catch ya on the next one!]

The rules:

Post the rules

Answer the questions given to you by the tagger

Write 11 questions of your own

And tag 11 people

1. What’s the meaning of your name? Does it suit you?

Rosemary doesn’t seem to have a specific meaning, although of course it’s an herb, and Rosemary is for remembrance, which is hilarious given my memory problems. Mary means bitter, so some name meaning sites say the meaning of my name is “bitter rose” which I guess is a nice combo of sweet and sad, which I would not really classify myself as. So, no, the various meanings of my name do not suit me.

The name itself? Does. I love my name, and while most people can’t be bothered with a 3 syllable name in casual conversation, my preference is to be called Rosemary and not Rose. Rose does not feel like me.

2. What’s a movie you never get tired of?

A lot of movies fit under this category, but the movie I have probably seen the most amount of times and can still watch either in full or in chunks and still enjoy every single second of no matter what is Dirty Dancing. 

3. Your favourite movie soundtrack?

Are we talking soundtrack as in collection of songs used in the movie and put into an album, or as in score for the movie, or?

Because nothing but nothing beats the Star Wars scores for me. Well, original and prequels and TFA anyway - the last two have diverged quite a bit which has felt odd to me but whatever. [Second place would be the scores for the 70/s80s Superman movies - also John Williams of course]

If collection of songs - then we’re back to Dirty Dancing.

Although if we’re considering soundtracks of musicals, then I’m gonna be reduced to flailing and just naming half a dozen or so, so we’ll just pretend that’s not part of the question. 

4. How would you describe your personal style?

Accidental? I pretty much just buy things that I find interesting, and then put things together that seem interesting to me, and then end up with some pretty ... interesting outfits. One of my roommates actually described my look yesterday as “crazy” if that tells you anything.

Think colors that don’t quite match, conflicting patterns, stripey socks, chunky jewelry, and then at times like now at the end of winter when I haven’t shaved my head in awhile - short floppy hair that is sticking up in all directions that I swear I tried to tame but it just doesn’t take. 

5. Name a fictional crush.

Spike from Buffy. Also Buffy from Buffy. And put them together? Double crush. 

6. What’s your motto?

I don’t really have a motto, per se, but I do have a mantra, which is: love, peace, joy, hope. Those are the qualities I try to embody, embrace, spread, whatever. All four are of equal importance to me. 

7. Are you a gamer?

If by gamer, you mean obsessively playing the Sims, then yes. But most people who consider themselves gamers would probably say no.

8. Would you rather spend time on a secluded beach or at a fancy cocktail party?

How about a fancy cocktail party on a secluded beach? Too much sand in the drinks, never mind.

Ah, these are both problematic for me. I don’t do so well with being completely alone, especially without some kind of distraction or diversion. I guess if I had a book with me on the beach, I’d be okay for a little while, but I’d also get uncomfortable super fast if there wasn’t, like, a comfy sofa or something to recline on. 

And I also don’t do well with fancy, or come to think of it with cocktails since I can’t drink any more with the meds I have to take. 

But, if I had to choose, I’d probably pick the party. I’d be dressed inappropriately (probably something with loud colors and polka dots?), and sitting in the corner mostly people watching, and I’d get overwhelmed and head home early, but still. 

9. Recommend a television series.

oohhhoooomygods just ONE?

I’ve rec’d this one many times, but since it just came back for season two last night (I haven’t watched the ep yet - it’s next on my list), I’m gonna recommend Imposters to you all again.

Imposters is a lil show with a small but dedicated fandom on Bravo. 

It stars Inbar Lavi (Prison Break, The Last Ship) as a con woman and Rob Heaps (Home Fires, And Then There Were None), Parker Young (Arrow, Suburgatory), and  Marianne Rendón (Mapplethorpe) as three of the people who she has swindled. Additionally, Brian Benben (Private Practice, Dream On), Stephen Bishop (Being Mary Jane), Chastity Dotson (Pitch, Veronica Mars), and Denise Dowd (Secrets and Lies, Beverly Hills 90210) star. 

The story of season one is that these three scorned exes find one another and begin a quest to find the woman they all alternately view as their loving spouse and the cruel con who stole everything from them. Along the way, they learn some cons of their own, gain back some of their confidence, and of course discover the power of friendship. 

There are many twists and turns along the way which I won’t spoil for anyone who wants to watch season 1 for themselves, but it involves cons within cons within cons and unlikely teammates. 

Also - Uma Thurman as a hitwoman.

As the finale of season one had our three scorned exes riding off together into the sunset, I am very excited to see where season two leads us. Seriously, you have to watch this show. 

[But if I may very quickly rec some of my other underwatched faves: 12 Monkeys, Colony, Counterpart, Ghosted, Insecure, Kevin (Probably) Saves the World, Madam Secretary, People of Earth, Scream, Speechless, Timeless, UnREAL,You’re the Worst - ask me about my underwatched faves plz.]

10. Do you have any phobias?

Boy howdy, do I! I have OCD, which often comes with phobias as part of the anxiety which leads to some of the obsessive compulsions. [FELLOW PHOBES MIGHT WANNA SKIP THIS PART - PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES.]

I have a slight germ phobia which I mostly don’t go deep into because I don’t have the energy to do what I’d need to do to feel better about it so I just make myself not-think about it really hard, but the underlying anxiety is Still There. 

This is especially true of what I call “poop germs” - which is anything that has ever been inside of a bathroom ever. This makes, you know, having to use bathrooms very upsetting and problematic for me, so again, I deploy my aggressive pretending it’s not there as much as I can, but poop germs can cause me to break down into tears on a bad day. Fun times!

I’m also an emetophobe, which means I’m terrified of throwing up - a fun little phobia to have when you have constant low-grade nausea which occasionally flares up to higher-grade, lemme tell ya.

Another biggie is infestation of any kind - so any kind of insect or small animal that comes into my home. Like, I am absolutely fine seeing these critters outside where they belong - I might even oooh and aaah. But the second I see one INSIDE - I’m screaming bloody murder and waking up the entire apartment complex. 

I’ve worked real hard at being less scared of the harmless single bugs that enter a home, especially the kind that EAT other bugs - so for example I am perfectly fine with spiders (being obsessed with Charlotte’s Web as a kid helps), and even centipedes after the initial screaming over how creepy they look is done. And I’ve gotten where I look insects up on websites that identify bugs and talk about them in positive/scientific ways and have stopped panicking about certain bugs and their larvae now as I can tell which ones are and aren’t actually harmful or prone to infestation. BUT. I’m still prolly gonna scream when I initially see them because eaauughhss. 

Those are the main ones, but the fun thing about OCD is that new ones develop all the time if you don’t stay vigilant about letting those obsessive thoughts do their thang, so I try real hard to ignore those news segments and articles about bringing black lights into hotel rooms and about all of the horrible ways people are committing violent crimes these days and other terrifying and/or gross things that might creep their ways into my fear center. 

11. What’s your rarest rarepair?

Oh, good question. I don’t tend to have rarepairs because the way I fandom is deep immersion into canon and not necessarily delving into fanon/fanfic. So even my non-canon ships tend to be ones that the canon itself at least played with a little bit or that the fandom-at-large has talked about enough that I start to see it. lol

I’m having trouble even thinking about a ship I have that could be classified as rare? It would probably be something involving Spike because I ship that fool with pretty much everyone he’s ever shared screentime with because he is just so yummy, and because Marsters was just really good about getting his character to bring interesting things out of whatever characters he was interacting with, and because he’s clearly so omnisexual that he just oozes chemistry with everyone he meets, but like. I’m also definitely not the only one who sees all that about him and also is shipping him left right and center. So. I’ll just toss out Spike/Harmony because I’ve never heard of anyone else who actually liked them together ha!

Phew! That was fun. I hope all of you all who I end up tagging have as much fun with my questions (and if not, feel free to use some of pixie’s).

My questions:

What is your #mood rn?

Tell me the sweetest childhood memory you can think of.

Favorite mythological/fantastical animal/creature.

What is your favorite mode of storytelling - for example, books, movies, TV shows, graphic novels, video games, etc. - and why do you think that’s your fave form?

Star Trek, Star Wars, or Starlord? (this is not a serious question and you may feel free to expound upon all three if you wish)

Favorite type of geographical location to visit, and is it different from where you prefer to live?

Name a character that you love, but who you would probably hate in real life.

Reboots, renewals, and revivals. Are they ruining your childhood or do you love ‘em?

Tell me about your favorite cookie (or other sweet if you don’t care for cookies).

If there is one thing people could just atomatically know about you upon meeting you that would make socializing with you better or easier, what would it be?

A lot of stories based on comics posit the theory that eventually humanity will evolve into at least some humans developing super powers. Suppose this started happening today - what would the results be, do you think?

Tagging:

(and of course, please consider yourself tagged if you wanna do this - I’d tag all of you if I could but I try and just pick folks I think enjoy doing these. if I’m ever wrong - please feel free and ignore the tag. additionally - please remember to tag ME so I can see your responses! also, feel free to re-tag me in this one since the questions differ and you all know how much I love to talk about myself.)

@absolutelyiris, @dianebluegreen, @c-l-ford, @theawkwardterrier, @the-invisible-queer, @brokenyellowcrayons, @knitmeapony, @fatherjerusalem, @swordsandparasols, @dmphelps, @nightlocktime

[itsyaboisayori]

Why I’m questioning Sayori

I said I’d make this post so here it is! Even got on my laptop to properly do the post :p I’m just kinda winging this but I’ll try to list out everything I can. If I forget stuff I’ll go back and edit it later so if you’re curious, keep watch! I’ll reblog any time I make edits, at least somewhat big ones. 

Also, replies are welcome! I’m open to constructive criticism and anyone wanting to offer new viewpoints. I accept that I’m still learning and nothing is for sure yet. Also tbh anyone telling me I sound like I’m kin is validating as heck so if you’re thinking it then I’d appreciate you saying it ahaha, but please don’t lie to me because you think you know what I want to hear. I want the truth. I don’t want to be a confused mess ;n; And I know all/most of these could be COMPLETELY unrelated to being Sayori fictionkin, but I feel like they’re worth mentioning anyways. It’s more like, a bunch of little coincidences rather than big solid evidence, I’m aware of that and that’s a big reason why I’m questioning and not for-sure Sayorikin.

One thing I realized just a couple of days ago is how, since I was a kid I’ve had this like, ideal thing I guess? how do I put this into words lmao my brain is dumb,, I guess a fantasy, that I’d fall in love with a childhood friend, like someone I’m close with from a young age but strictly friends for a long time. I’ve always been in love with the idea of falling in love with your best friend. And of course that’s what happens to Sayori, due to her programming in DDLC. And if I’m kin with Sayori from other game(s) rather than just DDLC then it definitely could be something unrelated, just a coincidence.

I’m like, really drawn to DDLC?? Maybe just because DDLC is a great game and I love all the creepypasta type stuff behind it all, all the theories and dark shit, and also I think just as a cute dating sim it’d be great anyways (but nowhere near as great). But idk, when I saw it I immediately felt kinda drawn to it but maybe that’s just in my head or for some other reason like the characters look nice or smth.

Also it REALLY gives me feels. It makes me feel things in general. I rarely get genuinely scared from fictional stuff anymore but this game fucked me up. I’m still scared to play it on my own because, even after watching multiple youtubers play it multiple times, it still fucking scares me.

The Sayori suicide scene and her poem- especially the poem- really get to me. I saw people making hanging puns in the previous video before her death so it was kind of spoiled for me but even still, it got to me. And the scene where Sayori is freaking out because you deleted Monika before playing the game REALLY gets to me,, like I just understand that overwhelming, helpless feeling. Especially finding out why she acted that way, it’s so fucking hard to watch that scene and normally I’m not affected by this kind of stuff. So either DDLC is extremely good at psychological horror or I have some sort of connection to the scenarios, whether that be just that I’ve been through similar things and am projecting (not really that I remember though? idfk brains are weird) or ya know,,, I once lived as someone in DDLC or whatever.

(TW self harm/suicide/choking) Probably has no real correlation but when I have panic attacks/flashbacks (unrelated to DDLC I mean) I feel like I’m choking or like I can’t breathe. And when really frustrated I tend to choke myself? Sayori died from asphyxiation instead of her neck being broken, by accident because she used a stepping stool instead of something higher like a chair and jumping off. Btw I’m okay, I never actually choke myself to the point to causing permanent damage or anything, and of course I’m not saying this is like, okay or anything. I know it’s bad but I’ve done it completely on impulse, and this was all before learning DDLC even existed. I’m working on getting better and I’m not going to kill myself or anything, just thought I’d mention this.

I relate to her personality,,, so fucking much. Not just the whole pretending to be happy to make your friends happy thing, but how she is as a person besides her depression. Tbh I feel like a lot of people relate to her because of her depression and how she deals with it, but like she’s so much more than that. She pretends to be dumb but it actually pretty smart. Maybe she’s not the best with words but I think she’s a lot more intelligent than some people think. She’s so cheerful, maybe even annoying, and is kind of the class clown, and is a total weirdo sometimes but it’s GREAT and just,, same lmao. Like “looks like my boobs are getting bigger again >:D” is something I’d say lolol I just love Sayori so much, like idc if I’m kin with her or not she’s still fucking amazing.

Another reason I relate to her but probably is like not at all proof I’m Sayori or anything, just thought I’d mention anyways, but I was kinda like, really in love with my guy friend in high school for years, he’s actually kinda like MC in some ways, like he was kinda popular with girls but not like Popular(tm), super nice and couldn’t directly say no, but he knew I was in love with him (or at least knew I had a crush on him but he probably had no idea I liked him THAT much but hey neither did I for a long time lmao) and didn’t like me back and even started intentionally avoiding me. Like, he would make up an excuse to not give me a hug, like he was late for class, but hugs only take like a fucking second what the hell?? It sucked but like when the player turns down Sayori I Relate.

I just,,,,, want to hug Natsuki like she’s fucking adorable and I want to protect her the most bc she’s like a precious child and she’s obviously abused by her dad. Tbh Yuri is a little creepy and for some reason I don’t like her that much but I mean I’d still hug her. I don’t hate Monika, like it was just her programming to do all that stuff she did so I don’t blame her and she’s p cool and I’d hug her too tbh. When Sayori interacts with Natsuki it makes me feel all warm n fuzzy. Like I don’t think in my canon Sayori and Natsuki were dating or anything, I think I/Sayori am/was just really protective? Idk, thought I’d throw that out there.

I also heavily relate to wanting to be a mediator and wanting to help everyone get along and be happy. I often (try to) play that role in this life. I’m extremely empathetic, so that’s prob why, but I can’t stand when people are fighting or can’t see each other’s point of view. Though it also frustrates the FUCK out of me when people refuse to or just absolutely cannot see any point of view but their own. Maybe that’s not really a Sayori thing but ye

When I look at Sayori I get the same “that’s me!” feeling as when I see my kintypes. Who knows though, maybe in a month or two it’ll fade, we’ll see I guess. But right now it is Very Strong. Like I’ve somewhat questioned being fictionkin with other characters before but I’ve never had the “that’s me” feeling this strong with anyone else. Ruby from RWBY is a close second but I still think she’s just a kithtype.

I feel like having a past life or whatever as someone who was experimented on kinda makes sense?? Maybe I just enjoy horror a little too much but I really think if I am Sayori I’m kin with her like actual her not just the DDLC version of her. The new game hasn’t even been announced yet but I’m so excited, mostly because I feel like I want to learn more about my possible past life I guess. I wanna see if things in the second game connect with me or if it’s just DDLC. But I feel like, if I’ve had any past lives as any humans, they were probably really dark or smth. I kinda have a dark mind I guess and that would just make sense to me lmao, like I’m 21 why haven’t I grown out of my edgy phase, why the fuck am I still really into creepypasta? Damn.

I’ve been kinda obsessed with DDLC lately. I have BPD so it could totally just be a BPD obsession thing and maybe this obsession will fade and someday I won’t care too much about DDLC, only time will tell. Also I’ve had the song Your Reality stuck in my head for a week straight but it may just be a catchy song and I tend to have a song that kinda automatically starts playing in my head occasionally, usually lately it’s been Sad Machine by Porter Robinson (good song btw highly recommend)

Most likely unrelated but Sayori’s hair has been described as “strawberry blonde” on one wiki and my hair is like, light brown but reddish, though it looks more like Monika’s hair, especially because I keep my hair long. I’ve been kinda wanting to cut it but I like having long hair tbh and I feel like a lot of ppl don’t want me to cut my hair haha, though I really wanna get a short wig and maybe wear that occasionally (esp bc I’m non binary and wanna pass as more boyish sometimes, I know society will never accept me as nb bleh but anyways). Though, it’s been said that the reason her hair is short is because it’s easier for her to deal with, but I’m not 100% sure if that’s canon. Though I guess it doesn’t matter much? cuz multiverse stuff n all but, still.

Speaking of her appearance, she seems to not care too much about how she looks, which I relate to haha, especially because of depression n stuff. I mean I have Crippling Social Anxiety(tm) so I do care to an extent but usually I’m like, if someone likes me they’ll like me for who I am not how I look anyways. I don’t feel the need to dress super proper to impress anyone in casual social situations, like making friends or even going on dates (though I’ve only been on a real date like a few times and they were with my gf who I’d already been dating online for a while). And yeah a big reason she’s so careless about her appearance is depression but I think if I wasn’t depressed and she wasn’t depressed we’d still both have that mentality like, we don’t need to impress anyone with our appearance so it’s better to just dress how you want, whatever way makes you feel comfortable and happy with yourself and your body, than focus on being proper and stuff.

Maybe I’m just projecting but man I feel like a lot of stuff I do and my ways of thinking and stuff are very Sayori(tm). I feel like I am so much like her, like she’s so me. Though of course, maybe my reason for being kin with her is purely psychological. Maybe I “became” her after seeing DDLC. Maybe I am her because I relate to her so much. But again, only time will tell. If I still feel like I identify as her (which, currently, I most definitely do) in a couple of months or so, then I guess I’ll start calling myself fictionkin. Idk.

[carcinoaquarium]

OK, SO FIRST I'M GOING TO GET THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION OUT OF THE WAY. THE QUESTION THAT WE'VE ALL BEEN ASKING. THE TRUE, BURNING MYSTERY OF DREAM DADDY A DADDY DATING SIMULATOR.

...

...

...

WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A FUCKING DOG?????????????SDFJADFJSDFK';SDKLFPER

NO.

SERIOUSLY. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO CONCEIVABLE REASON WHY DADSONA AND AMANDA DON'T HAVE A WOOF BEAST. THEY'RE BOTH OBSESSED WITH BARK MONSTERS. OBVIOUSLY NEITHER OF THEM HAS AN ALLERGY BECAUSE THEY'RE BOTH TOUCHING DROOL DEMONS ALL THE GOD DAMNED TIME. DADSONA EVEN SAYS HE'LL MAYBE GET ONE *AFTER* AMANDA LEAVES TO KEEP HIM COMPANY.

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE??? WHAT'S STOPPING YOU???

UGH. WHATEVER.

ONWARD.

BEFORE STARTING THE GAME, I WOULD HAVE RANKED MY INTEREST IN THE DADS AS FOLLOWS:

AFTER  PLAYING, MY LIST HAS SHIFTED DRASTICALLY:

SO RIGHT OFF THE OBLONG SPORTS HITTING IMPLEMENT, JUST A MINOR THING THAT BUGGED BOTH ME AND ERIDAN: WHY ARE ALL THESE DADS ALWAYS BLUSHING AND GIGGLING? THE BLUSHING I CAN FORGIVE IN SOME PLACES, BUT THEY USE IT A LOT. THE GIGGLING THOUGH? 

I WISH I SCREENCAPPED ALL THE TIMES IT HAPPENS TO SHOW YOU JUST HOW PREVALENT IT IS. THEY *ALL* GIGGLE AT LEAST ONCE. EVEN ROBERT. NEVER DO THEY CHUCKLE, BELLY LAUGH, NEVER EVEN FUCKING CHORTLE. ALWAYS *GIGGLE*. I MEAN ONE OF THESE GUYS HAS TO SNORT-LAUGH AS UGLY AS ME, RIGHT??? I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT "GIGGLING" IS FUCKING CREEPY COMING OUT OF SOME PEOPLE. DIDN'T THAT BOTHER ANYONE ELSE? JUST US? OK THEN.

MOVING ON.

MY MAIN CRITICISM OF THIS GAME TIES IN WITH ONE OF THE THINGS I LIKE *MOST* ABOUT IT. IS THAT CONFUSING? OF COURSE IT IS. EVERYTHING WITH ME HAS TO BE FUCKING DIFFICULT.

SEE, I LOVE AMANDA. SHE’S AN AWESOMELY WRITTEN CHARACTER AND HER DYNAMIC WITH HER DAD IS PRICELESS, REALISTIC AND FUCKING FUNNY AS GLOBES. THE RELATIONSHIP IS BUILT UP SO WELL THAT TRYING TO GET THE “WORLD’S OKAYEST DAD” ACHIEVEMENT IS NOTHING SHORT OF EMOTIONAL SUICIDE. IT’S PERFECT.

TOO PERFECT. AND THE ROMANCE PART OF THE SIM SUFFERS FOR IT.

YES, I UNDERSTAND THAT REALISTICALLY, AMANDA IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THE DADSONA’S LIFE. CONSIDER THE FACT THAT THEY PURPOSELY HAD HER AT HIVE-LEAVING AGE SO SHE COULD BE LEFT ALONE WHILE DAD GOES ON DATES. DESPITE THIS, SHE STILL TAGS ALONG FOR WAY TOO MANY OF THE DATES AND IN THE END, WE DON’T GET TO EXPERIENCE INTIMACY WITH MOST OF THE DADS IN THE WAY A NORMAL DATING SIM/ROMANCE STORY WOULD LET US. BY THE THIRD DATE WITH MANY OF THE DADS, I FEEL LIKE I HAVEN’T BEEN ROMANCING SO MUCH AS GOING ON PLAY DATES. AND THEN IT’S SUDDENLY *BOOM*, SLOPPY MAKEOUTS. 

I MEAN, IT FEELS SO SUDDEN WITH NO BUILD UP. NONE OF IT SERVES ANY PURPOSE EITHER. EVEN WITH AMANDA TAGGING ALONG, YOU NEVER FEEL LIKE THE DADS YOU DATE BOND AT ALL WITH HER, NOR DOES SHE REALLY SHOW ANY INTEREST IN THEM. AT MOST SHE'S UNEASY AROUND HUGO BECAUSE HE'S HER TEACHER, AND SCHEMES WITH DAISY TO GET BRIAN AND DADSONA TO STOP ONE-UPPING EACH OTHER. IN FACT, SHE DAMN NEAR SEEMS TO IGNORE THE FACT THAT YOU'RE 'DATING' THESE GUYS. SHE JUST THINKS YOU'RE LEARNING TO BE SOCIABLE. THERE'S NO CONNECTION BETWEEN AMANDA AND THE DREAM DADDIES. WHICH WOULD BE FINE IF THEY DIDN'T MAKE A POINT OF HAVING HER BE SO INVOLVED WITH THE DATES!

THAT’S WHY BRIAN IS AT THE BOTTOM OF MY LIST.

AND

THAT’S WHY CRAIG AND ROBERT MADE IT TO THE TOP OF MY LIST.

AH, CRAIG. THE JOCK THING DEFINITELY PUT ME OFF AT FIRST AND AS A RESULT HE WAS THE SECOND TO LAST DAD I PLAYED. SO WHAT MADE ME DO SUCH A ROMANTIC ONE-EIGHTY ON THIS GUY? DADSONA KNOWS CRAIG FROM SWEEPS BEFORE AND HAS SHARED A CLOSE BOND WITH HIM. THE ROMANCE FEELS LIKE IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN SOMETHING BUBBLING UNDER THE SURFACE FOR A LONG TIME, AND ONLY NOW, WHEN YOU’RE BOTH IN A POSITION TO FULLY GO FOR IT, CAN IT TRULY BLOSSOM. THESE TWO WERE FRIENDS, ROOMATES, AND BROS. IT GROWS NATURALLY FROM THERE.

I HAVE A FUCKING SOFTSPOT FOR BROMANCES THAT BLOOM INTO REDROM OK??? IT’S KIND OF MY THING. I’M SO CONFUSED.

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, ROBERT! NOW THIS IS WHAT I’M USED TO.

-- I MEAN PLAYING ROMANCE SIMS AND WATCHING ROMANTIC MOVIES AND READING 

OH WHO AM I FUCKING KIDDING?

ANYWAY, WITH ROBERT IT’S MORE YOUR CLASSIC “SAVE HIM” ROMANCE. HERE’S AN ONION WITH... LAYER. HE’S BROKEN, BUT NOT SO MUCH THAT IT’S OBNOXIOUS. HE’S FUNNY. HE’S VULNERABLE. HE’S DANGEROUS. BUT NOT REALLY. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY? HIS DAUGHTER IS ESTRANGED AND AMANDA DOESN’T TAG ALONG. IT FEELS LIKE A GROWN UP ROMANCE. IT’S FREE TO BUILD ON THAT. AND IN THE END, I FELT CLOSER TO ROBERT THAN MOST OF THE OTHER DADS. OF COURSE HE HAD TO GO AND RUIN IT AT THE END, BUT WHATEVER. STILL BETTER ROMANCE VALUE.

NOW LET’S TALK ABOUT THE DARK HOOFBEAST OF MY LIST:

HUGO FUCKING SURPRISED THE HELL OUT OF ME BECAUSE I REALLY DIDN’T EXPECT TO LIKE HIM AT ALL. EVEN AFTER THE FIRST DATE I WAS STILL BORED OUT OF MY PAN. BUT THEN HE MAKES THE BIG REVEAL. HE LOVES WRESTLING. MISTER STUFFY ACADEMIC IS A WRESTLING FREAK. AND HE SHARES THAT WITH YOU. HE GETS SO FUCKING EXCITED THAT YOU’RE COOL WITH IT AND YOU ACTUALLY GET TO HAVE SOME FUN. THAT COMBINED WITH THE TRIVIA NIGHTS MADE HUGO’S SECOND TWO DATES SOME OF THE MOST ENTERTAINING. AGAIN, BECAUSE YOU SPEND THE DATES FOCUSED ON HUGO AND NOT ON EITHER OF YOUR KIDS, IT MEANT THAT A PERSONAL CONNECTION COULD DEVELOP. THE ROMANCE FELT REAL BY THE END.

NOW, THIS IS GOING TO SOUND WEIRD COMING FROM A TROLL WHOSE WORLD DOESN’T HAVE IDIOTIC TABOOS ABOUT GENDER AND ROMANCE, BUT DID ANYONE ELSE THINK IT WAS KIND OF SAD HOW A GAME THAT WAS SUPPOSEDLY TRYING TO APPEAL TO HOMOSEXUAL MALES INCLUDED ONLY ONE DAD WHO WAS CONFIRMED TO HAVE A MALE PARTNER BEFORE DADSONA? HUGO. HUGO IS THE ONLY ONE. BRIAN AND DAMIEN’S PAST PARTNERS ARE UNKNOWN, BUT EVERYONE ELSE WAS IN A “STRAIGHT” QUADRANT BEFOREHAND. AND YET EVERYONE ALREADY ASSUMES EVERYONE ELSE IS “GAY”.

AND YES. I KNOW HUMAN PROCREATION GENERALLY NEEDS BOTH GENDERS BUT STILL. IT’S NOT LIKE A WORLD WHERE A BUNCH OF SINGLE DADS ALL LIVE IN THE SAME HIVE CLUSTER AND MEET ON A “DADBOOK” IS AN ACCURATE PORTRAYAL OF REAL LIFE.

SO HUGO SHARING CUSTODY WITH HIS EX-HUSBAND WAS COOL. HUGO WAS COOL. HUGO’S REVEAL WAS COOL. 

WHICH LEADS ME TO DAMIEN AND HIS SIMILAR "REVEAL". 

THE THING I LIKED ABOUT DAMIEN WAS HOW PASSIONATE HE WAS ABOUT HIS LOVE OF VICTORIAN HISTORY AND THE GOTH AESTHETIC. HE ACKNOWLEDGES THAT MOST PEOPLE THINK HE'S WEIRD, BUT HE DOESN'T LET THAT STOP HIM. HE'S BEING TRUE TO HIMSELF AND LOVING IT. UNLIKE HUGO, HE'S NOT ASHAMED OR EMBARRASSED OF HIS PASSION. HE OWNS IT. I LOVED THAT.

WHICH MAKES THIS "REVEAL" PAN-FUCKINGLY CONFUSING.

BY THE TIME THE GAME HITS YOU WITH ANIMAL SHELTER DAMIEN, HE'S ALREADY SPENT TWO WHOLE DATES SHOWING YOU HOW HAPPY HE IS BEING ABLE TO EXPRESS HIMSELF AS A VICTORIAN GOTH. HE'S STYLED HIS ENTIRE ADULT LIFE AROUND THIS PASSION. HIS CLOTHING, HIS MANNER OF TALKING, HIS FUCKING HIVE AND GARDEN. A VERY SUBTLE BUT MEANINGFUL ALLEGORY HAS BEEN LAID DOWN THAT SHOWS US HOW DAMIEN KNOWS THAT BEING TRUE TO HIMSELF COMES WITH SOCIETAL CONSEQUENCES. IT WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER TO JUST BE "NORMAL" FOR THE SAKE OF EVERYONE ELSE'S DELICATE SENSIBILITIES AND PREJUDICES, AND YET HE DOESN'T KOWTOW TO THAT PRESSURE. AND SO BY DATING DAMIEN, DADSONA GETS TO SHOW HIM THAT HE LOVES AND ACCEPTS ALL OF THAT. AND MOST OF ALL *ADMIRES* THE BRAVERY IT TAKES TO BE DIFFERENT IN A WORLD THAT TRIES SO FUCKING HARD TO TEAR DOWN THOSE WHO DARE TO BE.

SO WHEN DAMIEN FINALLY "REVEALS" TO DADSONA THAT HE VOLUNTEERS AT THE LOCAL ANIMAL SHELTER, THE NARRATIVE MAKES A BIG MISTAKE. SUDDENLY DAMIEN "SECRETLY" LISTENS TO BRUCE SPINGSTIEN AND WEARS TENNIS SHOES. IT SEEMS TO HEAVILY IMPLY THAT THE PERSONA DAMIEN IS ACTUALLY AFRAID TO SHOW THE WORLD IS HIS ANIMAL SHELTER SELF, WHICH FUTHER IMPLIES THAT HIS TRUE SELF IS ANIMAL SHELTER DAMIEN AND NOT GOTH DAMIEN. IT GETS NEEDLESSLY COMPLICATED HERE. OBVIOUSLY DAMIEN WOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO DRESS IN GOTH ATTIRE AT THE SHELTER, SO THAT'S NO UNIVERSE SHATTERING REVEAL. THE GAME IS TRYING TO SAY THAT DAMIEN IS WORRIED THAT YOU WON'T LIKE HIM NOW THAT YOU'VE SEEN HIM UN-GOTHIFIED.

WHICH, SURE, I CAN SEE WHAT THEY WERE KIND OF GOING FOR. IT *IS* A SHOCK TO SEE HIM OUT OF GOTH CLOTHING. BUT IT'S NOT LIKE CLOTHING IS LITERALY STITCHED ONTO PEOPLE. CLOTHING COMES OFF. THERE'S A "NORMAL" NAKED PERSON UNDER EVERY GOTH'S ATTIRE. BUT WASN'T THE POINT OF ALL THIS THAT DAMIEN'S TRUE SELF IS BEING A VICTORIAN GOTH? THE LESS SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE THING? WHY THEN DOES HE SHAMEFULLY ADMIT TO LOVING NON-GOTH MUSIC AND HAVING A CLOSET FULL OF TENNIS SHOES? DOES HE WANT YOU TO HELP HIM BECOME THE PURPLE-POLO-SHIRT-LOVING NORM HE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE? CAN GOTHS NOT ALSO BE SHELTER VOLUNTEERS AND GOOD WITH COMPUTERS?? WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING, DAMIEN???? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME???

THE THIRD DATE IS SPENT IN AWKWARD TENSION WHILE YOU TRY TO HELP DAMIEN FIND THIS LOST WOOFBEAST (WHICH, IF YOU FAIL, MAKES HIM HATE YOU I GUESS???). NO TIME IS GIVEN TO DISCUSSING WHAT'S JUST HAPPENED OR WHAT DAMIEN WANTS YOU TO KNOW ABOUT HIS TRUE SELF. IF THE MESSAGE OF DAMIEN'S STORY IS "BE TRUE TO YOURSELF", WE'RE LEFT WONDERING WHICH OF THESE SELVES DAMIEN IS TRYING TO BE TRUE TO. THIS IS MADE EVEN WORSE BY THE FACT THAT DAMIEN COMES TO AMANDA'S PARTY DRESSED IN HIS ANIMAL SHELTER ATTIRE. WHAT DOES HUGO COME TO AMANDA'S PARTY WEARING? HIS GOOFY WRESTLING SHIRT. HE'S COMFORTABLE WITH WHO HE IS. YOU HELPED HIM GET THERE. SO AM I SUPPOSED TO ASSUME I HELPED DAMIEN... BE COMFORTABLY NOT GOTH?

SEE, IT JUST DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY AROUND. WHY? BECAUSE BEING THE VICTORIAN GOTH IS BY FAR THE HARDER THING TO BE IN PUBLIC. YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS HARD TO BE IN PUBLIC?

TRANSGENDER.

DO YOU KIND OF SEE WHY THIS ANALOGY GOT FUCKED UP?

IF BEING OPENLY GOTH = BEING OPENLY TRANS, AND DRESSING "NORMAL" = PRESENTING AS THE GENDER HE WAS DESIGNATED AT BIRTH... WHY DO YOU COME TO AMANDA'S PARTY DRESSED LIKE THAT, DAMIEN? WHO ARE YOU? I DON'T EVEN KNOW ANYMORE.

AND EVEN IF THEY WEREN'T TRYING TO USE THE GOTH THING AS A METAPHOR, IT'S STILL FUCKING DISAPPOINTING AND AWKWARD. KNOWING DAMIEN IS SECRETLY "A NORMAL GUY" ADDS NOTHING TO HIS DEVELOPMENT OR TO HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH DADSONA.

THAT'S WHY HUGO DID IT BETTER.

AND I HATE SAYING THAT BECAUSE I THINK DAMIEN IS AN AWESOME CHARACTER. HIS STORY JUST FELL FLAT.

OH, AND BEFORE I TOTALLY DROP THE SUBJECT OF DAMIEN I'D JUST LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT INSTEAD OF MAKING MY FUCKING SPONGE SPIN FROM ALL THIS IDENTITY FUCKERY, DAMIEN'S AMIMAL SHELTER CENTRIC THIRD DATE COULD HAVE BEEN THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY TO... I DON'T KNOW... MAYBE LET DADSONA AND AMANDA FUCKING ADOPT A DOG???? BECAUSE NNNNGGGSEAFSDFASDFSDF THEY LOVE DOGS????????

THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH MORE FULFILLING. WHY DON'T THEY LET ME WRITE THIS SHIT?

EW.

SO THAT ABOUT WRAPS IT UP FOR PART TWO AND MY WAY-MORE-IN-DEPTH-THAN-ANYONE-WANTED-OR-NEEDED HOLE RIPPING OF DREAM DADDY. I’VE THOROUGHLY EXHAUSTED MYSELF AND ERIDAN WITH THIS ENDEAVOR.

WHICH IS WHY IN THE FINAL INSTALLMENT, PART THREE, I AM GOING TO SHARE THE LAST AND MOST *TREMENDOUSLY* AWFUL THING I DID WITH DREAM DADDY.

I’M GOING TO GO PASS OUT NOW.

[victakestaipei]

WEEK 4 RECAP: “Power, Chase Bank Complaints, and TYPHOON SEASON”

As I stated in my previous posts, I’m really really really sorry for the delay here on my WEEK 4 RECAP. Granted, my weeks have started to become pretty routine; But I still like to keep my word with you guys and blog every weekend, despite the topic being my humdrum weekdays.

Anyway, let’s get to it:

Monday: 

My monday was one for the books, honestly. I stayed in bed all day long blogging and doing homework and just being a bum. It felt awesome. We got in from the Philippines early this morning, and I didn’t actually get in the bed until about 4am, so I took the liberty of playing hooky, and NO RAGRETS! 

I only left the house to get breakfast with Bunny... We went to this breakfast joint by our house and I splurged on an egg scallion pancake, a breakfast sandwich, orange juice, and a hash brown patty. It was bomb, but who am I kidding, it’s always bomb. I didn’t end up doing my homework until later in the evening, which ended up backfiring because I had SO MUCH HOMEWORK TO CATCH UP ON. It was actually pretty insane, but I still got it all done. For dinner Bunny and I picked up some potstickers from the place right outside our dorms that you all have already heard SO much about because we literally go there multiple times a week. Like I said in my intro... HUM. DRUM. 

Tuesday:

Today we went to the bakery before class, I had my daily tea, and barely survived the 3 hour period. After class we went to the gym, and I did leg day today. My legs were shaking so much, it was like they had turned to jelly over the weekend. I think this is due to the fact I took 4 days off🙄 but I managed to get my mile down to 8:30 today!!! Y’ALL!!! BASK IN THE GLORY!!! Progress!!! Slowly but surely!!!  

After the gym we went to a restaurant on the Shi Da market for lunch, and ordered fried chicken curry with rice and veggies. It was super good, and only 100 NT! (About $3.35 US).  

Afterwards, we went home and I took the longest shower ever, and then a nap (I really really needed it). I got up just to do homework, and then crawled back into the bed. I found a website that lets me watch Power online so that I can FINALLY catch up to the new season. BLESS UP!!! I started watching this show over the summer, but then I got caught up with other stuff so I never caught all the way up. I last left off on Season 2 Episode 7, but I heard the new season 4 is BATSHIT CRAZY so I need to catch up PRONTO. (Also, can I just take a minute and say I freakin’ hate Angela??? Ugh. Tasha is a ride or DIE and Angela comes waltzing in and I’m just mad as hell. Ghost is such a punkass. I literally cannot deal. Let me shut up while I’m ahead before ya’ll comment and spoil something for me.)

...He still fine as hell though... :-’)

For dinner we went to the Gong guan night market to get Gua Bao (remember those pork hamburger things from my “WEEK 2 RECAP” post? “Gua Bao? Gua BOMB!”) and egg scallion pancakes. We didn't leave the house until after 11pm, so alot of our options were closed at that point. 

Wednesday: 

I actually got up on time to head to the bus, and I was WELL RESTED!! Wow, such a rare occurance. In class I got a 95% on my dialogue quiz today. I’m getting used to pulling these A’s, but our lessons have gotten significantly harder so I find myself reviewing the characters twice as much as usual. Ew.

At the gym I did chest/shoulders/abs. I wore the wrong leggings to the gym today... I wore my normal black leggings instead of my work out leggings, so I didn't do cardio because I didn't want to be all sweaty in my normal cloth leggings... I don’t know I'm weird I guess?? But my ass was looking PHAT at the gym since I had normal leggings on hehe

After the gym Bunny and I tried this Italian spot by our school. They have a lunch menu where you can get a dish AND a side for 99 NT!!! (3-4$ US). What a deal!! I ordered pesto penne pasta and pumpkin soup as my side. Pretty plain, but still super yummy!

After lunch I went home to shower and do my homework and relax. Bunny and I got dinner around 9 because we were STARVING more than usual. I guess the soup and pasta didn’t do it for me. We hopped on the bus to head to Gong guan, but we missed our exit so we ended up taking the bus all the way to our school to go to the Shi Da night market there. MIND YOU I LOOK LIKE A CRAZY CAT LADY. I twisted my hair up and put on two bandanas after taking a shower and putting product in... and I had on a long flowy printed dress I got from the Philippines. Needless to say I looked crazy, in my shower flip flops. We got the soy sauce noodles to-go, with green beans, udon, cabbage, broccoli, and tofu. I also got to chat with my mom on skype tonight which was nice, after struggling to get her speakers to work (for like 20min) so she could actually hear me. I stuffed my face while on the phone with her, and she cheekily said “how come whenever I get you on skype you ALWAYS EATIN??” Then proceeds to laugh hysterically and say “you gonna regret it!! It’s gonna go straight to your hips!!!” ......So charming *eyeroll*, gotta love her lol.... 

I went to bed super late because I had the migraine of a lifetime. I think it might have been because I didn’t get a tea this morning... Caffeine headaches will be the death of me.

Thursday: 

I woke up with the same migraine, and was moving slow because I was so tired and my head was banging!! It was like the drummer guy from Whiplash was putting in WERK on my forehead. I was about 10 minutes late to class... I tried to rush because I knew we had a test in class, but I just couldn’t bring myself to get out of the bed on time. Kokoro (the Japanese student in my class) and I rode on the same bus to class, he was late too because he had gone clubbing last night! On a Wednesday??... Turns out, it doesn’t matter what day of the week it is here, it’s lit at the club every night. 

Class was good today. It didn't feel like it dragged as much. But, I was starving the whole time because I didn’t have time to grab some food before strolling into the class. Our teacher referenced the upcoming typhoon today! Meaning, it will be pouring, dumping rain all next week, starting this weekend. There will also be fierce winds. She told us how many people stay home and grocery shop a lot beforehand because transportation and a lot of businesses are closed. For those of you who don’t know, a typhoon is basically a hurricane. I'm not mentally prepared. Our teacher said that typhoon season lasts three months, starting in August. I’m nervous about the food aspect because we don't have a fridge in the dorm so I'm about to be eating perishables all week... canned beans and rice? God, I’m not excited. But maybe class will be cancelled a few days this week? A girl can dream!!!

In the gym it was leg day yet again! My legs weren’t half as shaky as tuesday so that’s good. I ran a 8:45 mile, after almost DYING on the first treadmill I hopped on. I was adjusting the speed and the treadmill skipped and I almost flew the fuck off. My arms were flailing and I let out this loud/awkward noise and everyone was looking at me. I caught my balance and didn't die, but I definitely quietly turned off the machine and moved to another treadmill shortly after. I think that messed up my mojo because while I was running I was constantly paranoid of the same thing happening on the machine next door. 

After the gym the three of us went to Shi Da market. I pulled out cash from the ATM but was pretty bitter about it because I looked at my bank statement and my bank (Chase Bank) charges a $5 FEE WITH EVERY NON-CHASE ATM WITHDRAWAL that I make... THAT ADDS UP?!!! Are u kidding me??! I’M BROKE AS IT IS CHASE, CUT ME SOME SLACK!!! I'm so salted. I hate Chase Bank. They suck ass. Do you know how many WITHDRAWALS I’VE HAD TO MAKE WHILE HERE??? I need a Charles Schwab account because it seems like they’re the only bank not trying to PLAY US.

I tried a new place for lunch where they had these small fried dumplings. I would show a picture but I inhaled it so fast that I didn't get to. So here's a picture of the box...hehe

I also got some more dragonfruit today    V   so so good.

After the gym I came home, showered, and relaxed. I ended up napping around 8 and woke up at like 10:30pm... I did my homework in class so I'm probably just going to eat something small and crawl back into the bed. I got a banana at the Family Mart convenience store and some apple juice and a pack of yan yans. Yan Yans are those pretzel stick things that come with the chocolate dip and they’re super good?? I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. I talked to Karis on the phone, and then Paris shortly after that. It was SO GOOD to see Paris’s face and hear his voice after so long. :-’) I miss you roomie!! I knocked out again after hanging up with him.

Friday: 

This morning I woke up to a power outage on our Gong guan campus. If this is any tell of how the rest of the weekend/next week is going to be with the upcoming typhoon, I am not ready.

I got a 99 on my quiz today... I. AM. HURT. It was so so close I could taste the perfect score!!

Today I brought my umbrella to class because the typhoon starts this afternoon/evening. Class breeezed by because there was only 7 of us today. It was back day at the gym, and it was great! I’m definitely going to be sore. And I did some booty workouts on the floor afterward. After the gym we went to Gong guan market (the one by our house, not the Shi Da one by campus) to get some food and look for a SIM card for Bunny’s phone (so that she can have a local phone number and consistent data). We stopped and got pork buns and mango before heading home. 

When I got home I finally was able to decompress from the long week. I relaxed for a few hours before leaving the house at 10pm to go to the grocery store with Bunny. When we got to the grocery store, it was about an hour or so before closing, and it looked like the apocalypse hit. All the shelves were sweeped, but we got some food to get us through the weekend.... Like wine and rice and potatoes and eggs and snacks. After the grocery store we headed home to relax and shelter away from the upcoming typhoon.

Saturday: 

I made breakfast this morning after finally leaving the bed at 1:30 pm. I made eggs and papas!! - An old fave. (Jaylene I miss you). I also cut up some apples too to eat with peanut butter. It was good, but the papas weren't up to par because I only had two seasonings... Sad day. 

The rest of the day was spent in bed, watching Power and being a couch potato. At 8:30pm our power went out again, but only for a few minutes. It was getting pretty crazy outside at this point. You could hear the wind howling and tree branches swinging and water pushing its way through the cracks in the closed windows of the bathroom/bedroom. 

At 9pm is when I spilled my Pink Moscato on my laptop. HOW COULD SOMETHING SO SWEET BETRAY ME SO HARSHLY?? My computer immediately died after letting out this depressing noise and became completely non-responsive...and so did I. I was on the brink of a meltdown. To keep from succumbing to panic, I put my phone on DND and went to sleep at 9:30pm. I literally knocked the hell out. That’s the best way to avoid problems/conflict right? Take ya ass to sleep.

Sunday:

I woke up by 4:45/5am, and reality set in. I spoke to my mom on the phone, and she helped calm me down and rationalize the situation. I was a mess. I still am a mess. I cannot afford a new computer right now, and I'm nervous about going to get it fixed because I don't want to be taken advantage of, and I wouldn't know the difference either way... I'm clearly foreign. But I have 8 years of memories and information stored on this laptop, so I'm not letting it go without a fight. I called a few places that claim to fix Apple products on Google, but none of them turned up with any real answers. So after 12pm, I ended up going to the Apple Store at Taipei 101. I took a quick shower and brought a bunch of stuff I figured I might need: my laptop, external hard drive, a flannel, umbrella, towels, a hat, and snacks. I've never been outside when there was a typhoon brewing so it's better safe than sorry right? As soon as I walked outside I could tell something was off. There weren't a lot of people bustling about, and there were countless fallen branches and leaves covering the sidewalks and roads.

I hopped on the bus, and then the MRT, to head to Taipei 101, the tallest skyscraper in Taiwan. I had this lingering thought in the back of my mind... let me illustrate... “Is it a good idea to go to the tallest sky scraper in Taiwan when there’s a hurricane with strong winds/ pouring rain just waiting to happen?”... All i could picture is the structure toppling over with all of us inside and causing this huge disaster, similar to something straight out of an Apocalyptic movie like 2012.... Anyway, I arrived just before 1pm, and come to find out, the Apple Store is CLOSED. I’m salty. All the lights are on and the store would otherwise look open, it's just that there's no one inside. It's completely empty. Even all the devices on display are powered on. It was kinda errie... Like those paper towns the military sets up, where it looks like a normal town and everything, just no one lived there...  I looked online (again) and went to their actual website where it says today (and only today) they open at 2pm instead of 11am. So I just waited around the mall for an hour until they opened. I found a bench and an outlet so I was just sitting here chilling....Glad I brought my snacks. ;)

When the time finally came to go back to the Apple Store, that overwhelming feeling came rushing over me again. I ended up crying like a PUNK to the customer service lady. So annoying!!! Ugh. I was a fragile mess. I spoke to two different managers who both spoke perfect English, and they helped to reassure me that they would try their best to help me. I have to come back tomorrow for a walk-in appointment with the Genius Bar. Fingers crossed they can help me, or at least retrieve/save my information. 

I left Taipei 101 feeling pretty defeated, so I got some McDonalds on the way home... I know it sounds silly but I needed comfort food and something that felt like home. I ordered the filet o fish (which I crave daily), with fries and a coke. This was not my best moment, but the whole meal only cost 95 NT!! (Less than $3.20). CRAZY! 

I came home and that’s when I started reading my book that I keep mentioning, “You Are A Badass” By Jen Sincero. It helped me to feel better and get into a better frame of mind. 

I took a break from reading to help Bunny make curry for tonight’s dinner. It was BOMB and came out fairly well if I may say so myself. I’ll definitely be making curry more often when I come back to the States.

I finished reading my book just before calling it a night. SUCH a good read I cannot stress this enough!!! I learned so much from Jen’s words and she adds funny stories/anecdotes and the way she describes things is just so relatable. If you have a chance to read it I definitely recommend!!!

I went to sleep pretty late, I was laying in bed catching up with Jay (via text) and other friends from back home. Before closing my eyes, I decided to practice meditation, which is one of the key concepts in the book. I wasn’t very successful the first time, because it was hard to clear my mind and just be still. I know it takes practice, so I’m going to try to dedicate time every day to meditate for at least 5 minutes! Feel free to join me on this challenge, it’s supposed to reap unprecidented benefits!

Also, please pray that when I take my laptop in tomorrow to the Apple Store they can fix whatever’s wrong!!! I need all the prayers I can get. I’m speaking it into existence now: MY COMPUTER WILL LIVE. IT WILL RISE AGAIN. IT WILL POWER ON.

Until next time,

xoxo