#i also remember rEALLY liking a texture of a food when younger then once older/now the texture makes me gag i hate it

[lyricailove]

Gallagher Siblings: Who's A Picky Eater?

I haven't written meta in a good minute. Let's ramble about characters for a little bit.

I think Fiona was happy with whatever food Frank and Monica remembered to give her. As soon as she was old enough to reach the counter, she knew that she'd basically be on her own so she learned to be grateful for whatever was in the house or what she could manage to scrape together for her, Lip, and Ian. Eventually, as she got older and was able to bring in some money she had her favorites and would be ecstatic when she could have them. Fiona strikes me as a fried rice gal. Like when she could afford takeout it'd be the boost she needed to hang in there for the rest of the week.

Lip, I feel, is a picky eater but when he was younger he would try not to complain unless it was something he really hated. When Fiona would place a veggie he didn't like on his plate he'd huff but would still eat. Now he'll just forego eating foods he doesn't like but will still thank whoever cooked.

Ian being the sweetheart he is never wanted to make Fiona upset or come off like he doesn't appreciate her cooking. So if Ian didn't like what was on his plate he'd eat it anyway and confess to Lip that he didn't like it later. He knew Lip wouldn't tell on him. I feel like Ian would also tell Debbie and Carl not to complain when they don't like something. As a devoted husband, if Micky makes Ian dinner and Ian happens to not like it, he'll break the news but still tell Mickey that he loves the gesture.

Debbie is seen as Fiona's helper in the early seasons and even later on. I think Debbie was picky and might even say that she doesn't like something out loud, but she would also explain why and how Fiona could make it better. Debbie is a problem solver by nature, she's not going to make a comment if she doesn't have something constructive to add. But once she learned how to cook, you better believe she wouldn't stand for anyone not being 100% grateful for her cooking. You don't like her spaghetti? Make it yourself next time!

Carl is one of those boys who was happy to eat anything. He just wanted to finish so he could go outside and play. Yes sometimes he'd be a little carnivore and try to sneakily leave his veggies untouched but he has too many older siblings to get away with that. And Ian and Lip weren't above picking him up and putting him right back in his chair until he finished.

Liam isn't picky per se, just particular when it comes to textures. Trim the fat off his meat, no secret crunchy bits, likes his carrots a little firm and not squishy. He's open about his preferences but he won't throw a fit if things aren't perfect. Just a little withdrawn about his food that night.

[cheemken]

NAW THAT'S SO CUTE storing this away for later. Just so fond of these dragon sibs fr

YEAH but when you look at what the Academy Special consists of, there's like ramen and french fries and jellybeans to name a few. Don't know what about it that barely needs chewing so shooting him with my self projection beams, it's more of a texture thing for him. Need a variety of textures and flavours in one meal or else he won't finish it

OUGH just the image of Iris giving Drayton a piggyback ride is so precious. How she's realizing the small, good changes and grateful for his friends that's helping. Maybe it'll reach a point where she'll struggle a little but it's worth it. What's the use of all that training if she can't carry her precious lil bro you know?

Also I just love the idea of the E4 looking out for one another. Like that guy's a slacker but he's their slacker y'know? I know in my heart that if anyone tried to mess with any of the other E4, suddenly there's an arm slung over their shoulder, a deceptively laidback voice suggesting they 'knock it off if you know what's good for you'

Genuinely nothing's scarier than seeing Drayton angry about something cause with how much he let slide off his back and be chill about it, you know you messed up big time if you manage to be the target of his anger

Oughgh your honour dragon siblings real

But oh real shit that's the academy special?? Tbf,,, you can eat fries without chewing them,,, don't ask, I just know lmfaooo but yeah, w the texture and taste oh god anon I can vouch for that. But augh,,,,, Drayton w that too, how there's really certain food he refuses to eat, and like, maybe he really is just lazy to chew lmfao, I picture him being fond of smoothies and ice cream bc yeah, those really don't need chewing, he can legit just gulp it down hahaha

But right the dragon sibs are just so soft your honour listen chxmbx listen imagine if they always did that back then too, when they were younger Iris always gives him piggyback rides bc he loves it and he gets all happy and it fills her heart to see her lil bro so happy, but goddamn did he carry that into his teen years lmfaooo well it's okay, y'know, not like he really weights much to her, she's used to stuff like that given her training w their grandfather, plus it's nice y'know that through that she found out he became heavier, which means he's really eating well, so it lessened her worries a lil bit

And yeah omf protective Drayton is so real it's real to me your honour, it's canon in my heart. I know I said back then that maybe Iris and Drayton's dynamic would be similar to Sans and Papyrus undertale, cause yeah I thought that maybe they're the same age or Drayton is older, but now imagine him having the Sans vibes when it comes to his friends

Like yeah, he's pretty lazy, he's laid back, his friends always call him a slacker but you're right, he's their slacker, they started calling him the local slakoth lmfao, but still y'know, I imagine when he's pissed off he doesn't even look pissed. More like, he still has that lazy smile on his face, but there's this aura surrounding him y'know, the atmosphere is tense, and they can just tell that no, he's not playing around anymore, he legit won't hesitate to call out Archaludon if they press on while Drayton is pissed

Y'know despite his dynamic w Kieran now, I always picture him kinda going on to the kids who are scared of Kieran or like make fun of him now to knock it off. If I remember right, Carmine asked one of the BB E4 how Kieran was doing, I think it was Crispin, and he said that Kieran was doing well y'know, some kids are just scared of him. I wanna say that despite Drayton also kinda pissing off Kieran w the whole ex champion and payback thing, he still sees him as a friend, and doesn't want people to mess w him. After all, why would they even go against Drayton? He's the second strongest in their school, once the Champion of their league, and was trained by a Champion, if they go against him they know they'd instantly lose

[obeymeluv]

Demon Baby Headcanons: A Reference for “The Baby Assignment” Project

It made more sense to post my headcanons as a single thing since I’ll be working on “The Baby Assignment” headcanons in between the “Quick! Kiss Me!” miniseries.

These will be hinted at throughout “The Baby Assignment” pieces and I just wanted to put them all together. Keep in mind these are demon baby headcanons. I don’t really have any idea about angel baby headcanons since I’m card locked in chapter 21 :/

I think I got them all. I can’t really think right now.

Warning for one headcanon about human eating (obviously discouraged in the Devildom). I wanted to put in a section about how the Devildom handles bad parents (hint: logic first, then with justice) but I wasn’t vibing with it. Didn’t do it. No worries.

Demon children are usually born small but develop quickly until they stagnate around “teenage” years. Most babies (ironically) weight at least 6 pounds. It’s VERY rare to get a smaller baby and they must be taken care of EXTREMELY well

Their eyes will open within an hour or two of delivery and will be their lifelong color

Because they’re typically raised in the darkness of the Devildom and learn to flourish in the shadows, demon babies really struggle with exposure to light. It hurts their eyes and makes them cry. They should be shielded from light until they’re about a year old or show increased tolerance. Unless they need glasses or have a birth defect, most children appear to tolerate light with no problem between 4-6 years old.

Hybrid children are an exception (and hard to record for the census given how many subspecies of demon there are and all the magical co-mingling), but full-born demon children typically nest and seek out sources of heat to stay warm until they’re able to walk, talk, and do more for themselves. They tend to attach to the warmer parent.

Devildom childcare advocates recommend swaddling the child in parents’ clothes or clothes of relatives because it keeps them warm and orients their brain to who the main family members are. Pyjamas are a suitable exception but parents and close family should make an effort to show the child their scent

Demon children latch, and not just on their milk-producing parent. Within the first month of life the tiniest baby talons come out and allows the child to latch onto the clothes/skin of their caretakers. Full demon children latch and can maintain their grip/fully support themself in moments of stress, aggravation, fear, and in moments of cuddling. It is still recommended to support the child with an arm because they will get tired. Half-demon children should be supplemented with an arm or carrying device until the full extent of their latching ability is determined

Latching is also critical to scent development. It is an instinct of the child to tuck itself into or around those that will protect them. Unless absolutely sure of their safety, they tend to latch onto the stronger parent. When they feel safe, they usually latch to the other parent or try to make a nest with both

For babies who latch or show interest in latching, being semi-naked or completely naked is recommended. Their parents’ scent is stronger and seems to be preferred this way.

Devildom children don’t really crawl. The best way it can be described is “skitter”. You’ll hear their little claws go. Most parent describe their children moving in a lupine manner, on all fours. they like to stay low to the ground and move faster than human children.

There have been reports of children climbing up cabinets, walls, and onto structures like chandeliers and fans. This is part of their hunting instinct and preps their claws for the different things they will encounter/handle as an adult.

Most demon children develop their “Devildom” vocal chords first and will define parents/family by individual growls/shrieks. If other languages are not encouraged in the household, it is not unusual for a child to stay in this stage until two or three. They typically gain muscle control/development to speak real words by they end of their first year

Devildom babies aren’t as tactile as human babies but will definitely show preferences. It’s a lot easier to figure out what a Devildom baby hates. They’ll be quick to show you. 

Devildom babies purr to show contentment and can start purring within 1-2 months of birth. This is one of the first signs of affection.

Other signs of affection include petting the parent or trying to get them in a state of skin-to-skin contact (see latching, above), snuggling, headbutting, showing nesting behaviors, and gently teething on them.

Full-blooded demon children can expect to cut fangs starting at the end of the first year. They will get their first full set of fangs near age two. For children who can only inherit one set of teeth, these fangs will be with them for life. They will naturally harden and lengthen to a full adult set as the body grows. 

Mixed demon children are special cases where fangs are concerned because some species have extra sets of fangs, defense mechanisms where they lose and regrow teeth, and other things of that nature. For most species, teeth are seen in the first year of life.

Fangs typically look pointy and shark-like until they get a little older (somewhere between 3-6, it varies amongst children) and the teeth start to differentiate themselves in a “human-like” smile.

Children with fangs should have a greater variety in their diet for the sake of tooth shaping and development. Fangs need to be kept sharp. They can have slightly tougher food or snacks, and may display the “kill shake” when eating. This is normal. Supplement with teething toys as needed, but keep a close eye on them. It’s best to engage them a little like a tug of war to help develop the biting instinct and lengthening of the teeth.

Tails, like fangs, do not have set rules for growth or appearance. Some children of purer lineages get them as early as 3, and some get them as they move into the teenage years. There is no set age for tail development. If the child itches their back/bottom a lot, tends to streak, and shows general aggravation or discomfort, it’s best to take them to a health specialist to see if they’re developing a tail.

It is a similar scenario for wings. The child may cry or scratch a lot. Be prepared for biting and wrestling your children into shirts. Back rubs, cold creams, and soft textures are recommended. Though VERY RARE, some children can develop their wings within the first year of life. It is more normal to see them sprout between the ages of 3-5

Should the child develop wings young, they will take on a life of their own. They will twitch and flap at random times and this is normal. This is the child’s brain working wing movement into the subconscious, just as it would breathing. Devildom children who have wings go on to move them reflexively and this is how that starts. 

Keep an eye on your child. They will try to hover and may be able to pull their body weight and travel short distances (about 30 seconds) within the first year of having them. Within two or three years they will have better altitude and some sense of guiding with a bit of a struggle. Prepare to be dive-bombed “accidentally” and for things to be broken in bad landings

There have been reports of full-blooded and half-blooded Devildom children gaining night vision. You can determine if your child has this by whether their eyes grow in the dark. Remember the rule of thumb: the older the demon lineage, the brighter their eyes. If obtained, this stays with them for life. The degree of clarity varies amongst children.

Children may develop horns. All horns start out as tiny velvet nubs once they break the surface of the scalp. Prior to breaking the surface, the child may scratch at their scalp excessively, rub their heads on things, or headbutt tougher surfaces to counteract the pressure and itchiness they feel. Scratching their head or brushing their hair may help but nothing can be done until the horns breach. If the horns do not breach, take them to a healthcare facility. They may need help.

Horns should be watched closely as they start to take shape. Some shapes need to be regularly broken or shaved to prevent the child from harming themselves

Children are driven to develop their horns and may try to shave off the velvet lining by rubbing against family members or hard surfaces. This is normal.

It is not uncommon for children to try to “lock horns” with each other when younger. This is another way to shave off the lining. Some studies indicate that this type of play may make them develop faster. If one of the parents have horns, it is encouraged to do this with great care

Although not scientifically proven, the vast majority of Devildom parents swear by rubbing horns to soothe tantrums and put children to sleep. Seems to work. Interestingly, this trait carries on to later stages of life but brings a greater variety of reactions.

It is not uncommon to see growth spurts and great deals of change between the first 7-13 years of life (7-13 by human standards). After this, the demon will stagnate. Their rate of development can vary but demons live for thousands of years so it takes a very long time for signs of aging to occur

Old records suggest that feasting on human souls or the blood of other magical creatures may accelerate this process but these records cannot be confirmed.

Certain activities, such as participating in a pact, are prohibited until the child is 1,800 or older. Their magical capacity is not there and they cannot legally be bound in a pact. If a sorcerer or sorceress is pushing for a pact or you believe a pact has been made in bad faith, a grievance can be filed with the magical review board. If the other party is found guilty, a piece of them may be taken for consumption for the sake of “fairness”. Repeat offenders will be handled by Lord Diavolo (and are usually eaten. This has been “tentatively” amended due to the effort to unite the three realms)

Children who come from very powerful lineages (for example: one of the Seven Lords) may exhibit that key sin trait from a very early age. Some children will be hungrier than others, some will want more attention than others, some will be far stronger and may accidentally break things. Be prepared and parent accordingly.

Those born to succubus/incubi/naga lineages may show signs of charming or hypnotism from the age of two or when they can form sentences. If a member of your family has a natural susceptibility to this, brush up on negating spells and personal reinforcement charms.       

[stuff-from-the-void-matron]

Laurel Wreaths & Animal Teeth (4)

(c!Technoblade x fem!Reader)

(people seem to like this for now but remember, no reblogs/comments then i’m gonna assume people lost interest. so show u enjoy this please!! <3 also someone drew fanart of Reader, check it out at the bottom! :3c)

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“Come ON Wilbur! Come with me to check out the huge village I found the other week!” shouted Tommy while making sure to get in his older brother’s way as much as possible. He figured if Wilbur was focused on him and not whatever ‘super important’ shit he was busy with then he’d join him.

Wilbur meanwhile was doing everything he could to sidestep and ignore said younger brother. Now usually he’d humor the much younger boy but Wilbur was sorta busy at the moment. There’s been murmurs of unrest within the L’manburg territory lately since new faces have joined their country. 

Apparently they weren’t happy about the fact that Wilbur was a self appointed president, and likened him to a dictator because of it since no one got a say in his leadership role. Which Wilbur thought was highly unfair. He’d fought tooth and nail for his country, so they could have and enjoy all the freedoms to do as they pleased without Dream and his cronies breathing down their necks.

Everything he did he did for his country. But he didn’t want them to see him as some unsympathetic tyrant who didn’t listen to his people. He’s not Dream, he actually listens when they speak, even when they say they don’t like his self appointed role as president. So yes, Wilbur was sort of busy with more important things than goofing off and finding some random village. But instead of snapping he just sighed and said,

“Tommy, I’m working. We’re supposed to be running a country, remember?”

The aforementioned boy let out an aggravated sigh, he knows they have a duty to L’Manburg, he’s not stupid! But he also knows they need to be allowed to have some fun now and again too! Or they’ll go crazy! And Tommy was sure Wilbur would go mad if he stayed cooped up inside all the time working! So this was his way of dragging his brother out for his own good.

But Wilbur was being especially stubborn (wonder where Tommy got it…) and was refusing to budge. 

“I don’t have time right now Tommy! Ask Tubbo or Fundy to tag along. I’m sure they’d love to go vandalize a village with you,” Wilbur distractedly said as he wrote down some notes in one of his books. 

Tommy was tired of fighting Wilbur on this and decided to hell with it, he’d just take the L this time. So he scoffed and said “Whatever” in the most pissed off teen voice he could physically summon and turned away from Wilbur and stormed out of the brunet president’s house, making sure to slam the wooden door as hard as he could on his way out. 

It seemed like all Wilbur did was mope around and WORK since they’d won independence from the Dream SMP. What the hell was the point of even FIGHTING for said freedom if Wilbur wasn’t even going to enjoy it?? 

Tommy pushed those thoughts away and went to search out Tubbo, he could always count on his best friend to follow him into some mischief! Unlike SOME people. And thankfully it didn’t take the rambunctious blond long to find his friend, and with a grin he ran and jumped on the shorter boy, making him yelp in shock and nearly fall. But then Tubbo saw who it was and started laughing and shoving the taller boy away half heartedly. But after goofing around a bit Tommy remembers why he’d searched out Tubbo in the first place.

“Oi Tubbo, come with me to this weird village I found the other week. I was gonna explore it when I found it but Wilbur said there was an emergency and I had to leave before I could,” he said as they both walked along the main path.

“Yeah sure, but why was it ‘weird’? Was it one of those ones that’s built somewhere stupid like half on a cliff?” Tubbo asked with a laugh. 

The two laughed and Tommy explained that the village just looked different? Like there was no cobble! Which was ridiculous because in his opinion that was the best part of villages was all the cobble buildings. Not that he was biased or anything like an American. 

But Tubbo just laughed and said sure, they could go check it out. He didn’t have anything else important to do today anyways. Tommy gave a triumphant ‘yeah!!’ because at least he got ONE of his friends to not be a total loser and go out to have some good old fashioned fun with him. 

Tubbo told him to lead the way so they were off.

-0-

Many blocks away in your village you were getting out of your ‘shower’, which was really just a waterfall hidden by thick trees and hanging vines behind your temple home. But it was the best shower you’d ever used thanks to how the water fell over you in huge sheets. You’d honestly stay in it for hours if you didn’t hate being bored just standing there. But you did get bored, so you got out and began drying off.

Once you were dry you started getting dressed in your usual outfit, then once done you paused before reaching down to grab the newest item of your outfit..

Your mask.

...

After your… horn discovery the week before you’d just laid in bed all day for a couple days. Not leaving your temple for any reason, not even to shower or eat. You’d have been feeling worse if you’d actually needed food but thankfully you didn’t, so when you finally got your ass in gear and got up to bathe you only felt marginally like shit. At least you had until you went to go bathe…...

But on that first day up you’d just stared at yourself in the reflection of the water and sighed. You didn’t have the urge to cry anymore, so that was a good thing. But you also weren’t a fan of the new horns or glowing eyes you’d had since ending up here. You weren’t even sure what KIND of horns these were?? And… call you crazy but you SWEAR they were bigger than they were before your stint laying in bed..

They’d only been little nubs before, not even as big as your thumb! But now they were at least five inches long and sort of splitting at the tips? It looked weird and honestly felt even weirder what with that velvety texture covering them. You made the foolish mistake of grumbling to yourself, 

“Things couldn’t get weirder, right?”

And as if the universe heard you… you discovered a new ‘appendage’ on your body while you started to wash your body off. You’d been lost in thought, just scrubbing yourself with a soapy washcloth when you’d started reaching around to wash your back, your washcloth brushed against something protruding from the base of your spine, right above your ass. This time you didn’t start panicking, you think you were still worn out from the days previous, so instead of freaking out you just slowly craned your neck around to see if you could glimpse the...thing.

A tail. 

You blinked, shocked but also.. confused? What in the absolute fuck? Why? When?? This time there was no sobbing or breakdown, you were honestly just puzzled. Are you ever going to STOP growing animal traits or what? Under any other circumstances you might even call the tail cute. It was small, probably just smaller than your hand and about the same shape too. And the majority of the top of it was the same color as your hair, but the sides (and underside after you got curious enough to look under it) were a soft white. With how you were in water the tail looked rather unimpressive and you couldn’t identify what kind of tail it was, but if it was at all connected to the horns then maybe deer? Or caribou? Reindeer? The last two seemed more likely since those animals’ females actually grew antlers you think. 

Having to adjust to all this new shit practically every other day was giving you a headache. With a tired sigh you rubbed the area around the base of your antlers, soothed slightly by how the action dulled your headache. But you couldn’t ignore the issue at hand, so you swallowed down your unease and instead just decided since you couldn’t control these… unnatural features then.. well, you’d just cover them up or since that wasn’t possible for the horns now you’d just disguise them?

You’d been stumped for a while on how to even DO that but eventually you’d gone down to the village to feed the animals and you’d watched the armorer leave his house to get started working for the day. And you’d noticed the mask he wore pushed up on his forehead. That’s when the idea for a mask hit you. But you didn’t know how to make or even craft a mask, so you’d gone to the armorer and asked him about it. It was hard to grasp what he was saying clearly but after the months living with the villagers you’d picked up some stuff and could understand them some.

So you let him show you how to make a standard iron mask like his, though the first one he’d made hadn’t fit you in the end so he’d made a second after tweaking the size a bit so it’d fit your face right, since your face shapes weren’t the same. But you were thankful and said so after you put it on. Though the eye holes still revealed your eyes, which you didn’t like. You asked how hard it would be to put reflective lenses in them to prevent your eyes from being seen.

That question turned into the armorer calling over the cartographer, the stonemason, and the shepherd oddly enough to help him out. They were murmuring and crowding around the armorer’s workstation while you watched from the edge of the porch where you sat idly. You didn’t want to hover over them like some busybody, so you sat patiently to see what they came up with together. 

And after a while your patience was rewarded when they came over to show you the fruit of their collaboration. And it surprised you how gorgeous it was, which wasn’t fair since you had 4 skill masters working on it together for you.

The mask was actually very beautiful. 

It was a white half mask that only covered your eyes, forehead, and upper nose/cheeks but left the lower half of your face bare. And you think it was simply painted white because it felt about as heavy as iron, but the part that amazed you was how it almost looked Venetian in design. On the forehead of the mask was a golden sun, and golden floral swirls came from the corners of the mask and curled near the cheeks and sides of the sun on the forehead, making the mask look elegant and almost vintage.

But the best parts in your opinion were the glass lenses in the eye holes. They were reflective and the same colors as your banner! You don’t know how the villagers did it but the edges of the lens were a goldish orange and the color faded into a violet in the center. You worried you wouldn’t be able to see through them but when you put the mask on you realized the lens only gave things a VERY slight blue/grey tint. So slight in fact that you could fully ignore it if you wanted. 

And the second best part was some of the floral swirls actually swirled UP past the top edge of the mask and rested against your horns, giving the illusion that they were somehow part of the mask. Actually with the mask on you could almost trick yourself into thinking you were just wearing a cool looking Mardi Gras mask! 

You clapped your hands in glee and couldn’t help the excited sound you let out as you gushed and told them it was perfect! They all let out bashful happy murmurs and generally looked shyly pleased with your praise. You tried to give them each some emeralds but they refused to take them, grunting and shaking their heads each time you attempted to push the gems towards them. Eventually you gave up and resigned to accepting the mask as a gift, but you’d definitely do something nice for them later, to make up for their hard work.

…

You’d taken to wearing the mask at all times when not in the privacy of your temple. Which wasn’t very hard to get accustomed to. The mask was lightweight and the lenses honestly helped shield your eyes from the glare of the sun so win/win. And it also made your horns, in your opinion at least, less in your face. Which was good because they were definitely still growing. You could tell. And the split in the tip was now more pronounced, making you wonder if they were like… reindeer antlers? It would fit with the tail currently growing out the base of your spine, said tail that now looked REALLY like a fluffy little deer tail since the hair/fur on it had dried. 

One good thing was that your tail wasn’t long or huge and could actually be hidden relatively easily under a shawl you tied around your waist. So that was one less thing to worry about. Though your life would infinitely be easier if you didn’t have to deal with all this inhuman bullshit. But you supposed life wasn’t fair and expecting it to be was foolish. 

“At least I’m not part some weird animal like an aardvark or something…” you mumble to yourself, trying to view this whole thing in a ‘glass half full’ sort of way. 

You’d decided to relax and unwind from your recent discovery by just taking things easy for a while. First day since you got the mask and such you just chilled and started a small farm for yourself. You didn’t need the food but the process of building the farm and toiling the earth and then sowing the seeds was actually pretty therapeutic. The repetition of it all was pretty calming. Just you, your gardening tools, and the earth beneath your feet.

The days following were pretty much the same. You’d tend your garden first thing in the morning after your shower, then you’d go off to find something else easy to fill your time. You took up feeding the animals, making flower boxes and planters around the town to make it more colorful, potion brewing, and even fishing. Which was what you were doing right now actually.

You were sitting on the edge of the pond next to your temple, bare legs in the cool water and your back resting against the side of another grass block, an enchanted fishing rod you’d traded the town fisherman for sitting stuck in the ground next to you while you relaxed. The day was actually quite beautiful and nice. Sun streamed down over you from between the bamboo behind you, fluffy fat bees buzzed overhead as they hunted lazily for pollen, and you were close to dozing off.

“Hnn! Hnn! Hnnn!!”

At least you would have dozed off if you hadn’t heard one of the villagers sorta freaking out. You looked up and saw one of the farmers panickedly shuffling about at the top of the small hill to your left. You wondered if zombies got into the village again? But no it was sunny out, they’d be burning if they did. Illagers maybe? But how would they have gotten around the bamboo and prickly berry bushes?? Well there wasn’t anything else for you to do than do see what was wrong.

You put away your fishing rod, got up and dusted yourself off before hurrying up the hill after the villager. You trailed after them down the lantern lit path but so far didn’t see anything, but you perked up when you heard telltale sounds of one of the iron golems fighting something and taking damage. That put some urgency in your gait and soon you were running to see what was going on. You rush past the fletcher’s home and then the cartographer’s right after but nothing. Then you finally round the corner where the market is set up and see at the very end of the path next to the cleric’s church is the altercation. 

You sprint down the path, yelling for the villager’s to stay inside until you ring the town bell as you run past them. You hear the doors slam closed behind you and you manage to get to the problem right as your iron golem gives one last cry before getting poofed. You gasp sadly and then glare when you hear cheering. A blond boy that was shorter than you hopped down from a dirt block tower and scooped up the fallen iron ingots the poor iron golem dropped upon its death.

You were so pissed that you ignored the nagging feeling in the back of your focus that said this kid looked familiar. It wasn’t until he finally turned to look at you that it hit you. Holy shit this kid looked… and sounded.. like that minecraft youtuber, TommyInnit.. Like eerily so. You’re glad you’re wearing your mask so he can’t see the deer in headlights (*ba-dun-ts*) look on your face at the sight of him. And your shock didn’t fade with him speaking. If anything it reinforced the idea that this kid was weirdly reminiscent of that youtuber. 

“Holy fuck! You are a MASSIVE woman. Wait, who the fuck are you?!” he said in a loud tone of voice as he looked up at you. It made your eyebrows furrow. You were NOT that big! He was just short! You even crossed your arms and told him so, which earned a snicker from the little brown haired boy in dark green overalls next to him. The blond boy scoffed, looked fully offended, snarked back that you were about the same height as a ‘bloody fuckin’ iron golem!’ so yes you were huge.

You glared at the little TommyInnit look alike and instead of arguing about your height you started scolding both boys, which they hadn’t really.. expected? At least from the surprised looks on their faces (which still had the roundness that came from baby fat). The brunet rubbed his elbow and sort of toed the dirt under his feet while the blond crossed his arms and almost looked to be pouting from the scolding.

“My height isn’t the issue here! The issue is you two barging into my village, killing one of my iron golems, stealing the loot from it, and scaring my poor villagers!! What in the hell were you two thinking?” 

The blond tried to cut in, to defend himself but he barely got out the first syllable before you held up your hand to signal for him to silence himself as you snapped,

“I do NOT wanna hear it! You treat others this way?? Like they’re nothing, like their possessions and peace of mind don’t mean a damn thing?! Shame on you both!!” 

By the end the two boys looked properly scolded. The brunet wondered if THIS is what it felt like to get scolded by one’s mother, and if it was then he’d like to avoid it for the remainder of his life. And the blond meanwhile actually didn’t have anything to say, or more accurately he didn’t know what to say to not feel like he was in massive trouble.

You meanwhile were just annoyed at this point, so you held you hand out (causing both boys to give you wondering looks) before you demanded the iron ingots that the blond stole from your slain iron golem. He got all in a huff, saying he earned them and they were just ingots- but you slapped that train of thought down with an angry,

“EARNED?? More like STOLE! After you killed my iron golem! Now give them back! I have to use them to make a new golem to protect this village.”

The blond sputtered, face blooming red at being blatantly called out on his theft, before muttering in embarrassment and pulling the ingots out and practically tossing them at you. You caught them and returned them to your inventory before shaking your head at the two and saying they should leave if their only goal in your village was to kill and destroy property. The small brunet quickly spoke up and said,

“No wait, we didn’t come just to mess stuff up! We came cuz Tommy said he found this place last week and it wasn’t the usual village so we wanted to explore it.”

Your stomach churned at the name.. Tommy. This was getting weird again. Way too fucking weird. But you resisted clenching your teeth anxiously like you wanted, instead you raised an eyebrow they couldn’t see and shot back,

“Oh yeah? And how did that escalate into killing my iron golem?”

This time it was ‘Tommy’ who cut in and said it had been an accident! They’d apparently been looking around when Tubbo (you felt queasy now after hearing that name too…) started fighting a spider and Tommy came over to help him, but in the process he accidentally hit the iron golem, who got pissed and smacked him.

“I ran from the thing and towered up three blocks! I knew it wouldn’t let up so I had to kill it! S’not my fault the bastard was holding a grudge!!” Tommy said heatedly, arms still crossed defiantly.

You wanted to rub your temples in exasperation but couldn’t without removing your mask. And like hell you were showing these kids your weirdo inhuman eyes. Though… if they really were the characters from.. the videos you got hooked on? Honestly this whole thing was 10 times weirder than the stupid glowy eyes or even the horns or tail.. Like this has to be proof you’re really dreaming or in a coma or something. What other logical explanation could there BE? These kids aren’t real. Nothing here is. It CAN’T be. The real people behind these… minecraft characters? They’re not here. In this place.

Before you could do a kickflip off the edge of your sanity into a full on mental breakdown you took in a calming breath and pushed those thoughts away until you were alone to give it the proper attention. And maybe so you could have your panic attack in peace and quiet. But right now you had two kids causing ruckus in your village. So you just said,

“Yeah alright, fine. I’ll forgive you both THIS TIME. But don’t make a habit of causing trouble in my village. And you can look around and explore, just don’t steal anything or hurt any of my villagers or animals. Got it?”

The two boys nodded, happy to not have you giving them that Angry Adult Tone anymore. So you turned and started walking back to the middle of the village, calling for them to come on. You had to ring the village center bell to tell everyone everything was okay.

Both boys shared a glance before Tubbo smiled and started jogging after you, Tommy right behind him, both curious about you and your village.

------------

(a/n: YOOO SOMEONE DREW READER FANART AND IT’S FUCKING BOMB DUDES CHECK IT OUT!!  (Reader looking heavenly~) uwu)

@salinesoot​ @lady-bee-fechin​ @kacchasu​ @putridjoy​ @lunawritesstories​ @galaxypankitty3030​ ​ @paradigmax​ @zachariethememerie​ @killmewithafanfic @trinity-1002107 @hufflepuff-demigod @truthdaze @exorcisms-with-elmo @redbloodtea @heythereimhaylz @olyink @jackalopedoodles​ @nikkineeky​ @artsimatsu​​

[alyss01]

|[Cooking adventures]|

[Corpse Husband x GN! reader]

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Genre: Fluff (kinda)

Word count: 2K

Requested: no

To request: Corpse requests, Dream SMP and Comfy cartel are all OPEN

Synopsis: Corpse cooking dinner with his s/o, just a cute stuff. 

Warnings: none

A/n: I made dinner with my brother a few days back and then I kind of questioned what it would be like to do that with a s/o and then this idea plagued my mind for a few days until I managed to make time to write it all down.  It also may include some wrong words, english isn't my first language and I don't usually write things that include cooking so terms may be off!

Masterlist

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"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Corpse looked at you, questioning as you calmly washed your hands.

Shrugging your shoulders, you met his eyes as you replied, "nope, not at all," a small teasing smile formed on your face as you moved past him to dry your hands, "but I used to do this with my brother when I was younger and it turned out fine then. So I'm sure it will be edible."

Still your boyfriend didn't seem convinced, his eyebrows raised in question as you placed all the ingredients on the counter.

What you had told him was the truth however, you had made this recipe countless of times with your older brother when you still both lived with your parents. It had gone well each time, so you didn't worry much.

"I promise there won't be any aluminum foil involved." You teased as you turned to look at him over your shoulder, a small smirk tugging at your lips at the playful glare he send your way.

Corpse chuckled as he gave in, following your lead and washing his hands as you placed a pan on the counter, “will this be large enough?” you questioned as you held up the pan in your hand, questioning to Corpse as he looked at you, “how much do you plan on making?”

You thought for a second, it wouldn’t be bad to make more than necessary and keep the left overs in the fridge for tomorrow, besides that the family recipe that you knew was made to feed an entire family of people.

“It’ll be big enough, probably” you answered your own question as you placed the pan on the stove, returning to the counter as you tried to remember the recipe. It had been a while since you last made it.

Corpse seemed to realize he didn’t even know what you were going to make as he looked at the ingredients that littered the counter top, “what are we making anyway?” his tone questioning as he watched you move around the kitchen, grabbing one of the largest kitchen knives you owned and a cutting board in your other hand.

“Spaghetti Bolognese.” You answered simply, putting the items on the counter as you looked at him, “family recipe of course.”

He nodded his head, unsure of what to do as you moved around and prepared the kitchen for your endeavours.

His eyes followed your movements wordlessly, a small content smile on his face. You had always known your way around a kitchen, somehow whenever you entered one something would just change in your step.

Your otherwise somewhat chaotic movements fluid as you pulled one cabinet open and pulled out a bowl, placing it on the counter as you pushed the cabinet door back with your hip. Even when he had just met you, you held a certain affinity to the kitchen.

Once you’d told him how your mom taught you how to cook and bake, and you carried along the tradition of baking something in the weekends.

As someone that was a walking mess in the kitchen and often ended up with take out as a result, you were magical. It was a mystery to him how you could enter the kitchen and come out half an hour later with two plates of tasteful goodness.

When you became friends with him you learned about his eating situation, the image of which horrifying to you. It didn’t take long for you to drop by occasionally with extra food you had prepared to make sure he would at least consume a nutritious meal every so often.

Over time it became more often and you started to take your own portion with you as well after Corpse invited you to eat at his place instead. As this happened you grew closer to the male and eventually you started dating, the confession taking place at one of these nights.

When you moved in you took the task of buying groceries and cooking whenever you had the time to do so upon yourself. Corpse enjoyed the increase in tasteful cooking, grateful for it even after telling you that you really didn’t have to do it.

“Corpse?” your question pulled him out of his thoughts as he hummed in response.

A small smile tugged on your lips as you pointed to the pot on the stove, “Can you boil some water for the spaghetti? I think around half of the package should be fine.” He could see the packet of spaghetti noodles beside the stove as he moved over.

Beside him you were dicing up a union and carrot before putting them in the small bowl you had put beside the cutting board earlier.

Corpse looked curiously as you worked from beside you. The kitchen knife moved precisely and fluidly in your hands as you worked with it. Somehow you always chose the larger and sharper knives in the kitchen for cooking, claiming they were the most comfortable to use.

You added some garlic to the vegetables before moving to the pan on the stove and turning it on. Emptying the bowl in the pan, you looked at Corpse beside you.

“Can you make the broth? Just add one of those small cubes into around a cup of hot water.” Corpse grabbed the packet and pulled out one of the small cubes for the broth before the writing on the package caught his eye, “this says one cube per one litre.”

As you looked at him he could see the confusion on your face, a small smile on your lips as you shrugged your shoulders, one hand stirring the vegetables in the pan.

“It’ll be a strong broth then?” you questioned, eying the package suspiciously as Corpse chuckled, “Y/n, how long has it been since you made this?”

Now it was your turn for a nervous chuckle to fall off your lips, avoiding eye contact as you turned back to the pan, “like a year or two?” the answer more phrased as a question as you spoke.

You cut Corpse off before he could give up, “it’ll be fine, in the worst case we’ll just order take out later, just give it a chance for now?” the look on your face convincing him as he turned back to the task you had given him.

He dumped the cube in a cup of hot water like you instructed him to do, the cube barely dissolving like he was sure it was supposed to.

As he tried to figure out what he did wrong, you added the meat to your pan as you stirred, looking at what Corpse was doing out of the corner of your eye after his sudden silence.

“Are you okay?’’ you asked as he turned around, the glass measuring cup with a barely fallen apart broth cube in the middle of the orangey water.

“Y/n, it’s not doing the thing.” His voice almost a whine as he presented his failed task to you, a raised eyebrow his only response as you tried to figure out what happened, “Did you use boiled water?”

Now it was Corpse’s turn to be confused as he looked at you, “boiled water? You said warm water!” his voice frustrated as an amused chuckle left your lips.

“Its fine, don’t worry, just add the same amount of water but then boiled and I think we should be fine.” You answered, making Corpse grab the kettle with boiled water for the spaghetti as he poured it into the broth.

As he stirred the mixture the cube started to dissolve, just like you had said, “Won’t we have double the amount of water now?” He looked at you curiously as you stirred the pan, checking if the meat was ready so you could move to the next step.

“I mean its water right? So I guess it’ll just evaporate eventually?” you shrugged your shoulders as you answered.

You left the pan to sit for a while as you moved to your boyfriend, pressing your lips against his cheek, “don’t worry about it, it’ll be fine.” Your voice reassured him as your hand trailed down his arm, pulling your head away you spoke up again, “you can add the broth now by the way.”

Corpse placed a soft kiss on your forehead as he moved away, carefully dumping the broth in the pan together with the other ingredients.

Humming as you watched him, you moved back to the stove to start stirring the mixture of ingredients once more.

You were taken aback when Corpse caged you against him, his hands resting comfortably on your hips as you leant back against him. His head rested on yours as he watched your hands work.

A small smile tugged on your lips at the sweet moment, your hand leaving the ladle you had used to stir the soup like mixture.

You placed it on his hand on your hip, guiding it up so he could stir in your stead as you grabbed the tins filled with tomato paste and diced up tomatoes.

Carefully adding all of it to the pan, a small chuckle left your mouth at the volume the sauce had become. It was hard not to spill it over the edge of the pan as Corpse stirred, making you place your hand over his as you guided him, careful and slow movements keeping the sauce in the pan.

After a few minutes you turned back, your hand leaving Corpse’s as you pressed a soft kiss against his lips, your hand finding his hair as you brushed through it, the dark curls curling over your hand.

“I think it’s time now to start cooking the spaghetti, can you do that?” you looked up at him as a small smile tugged at his lips, “of course, babe” the nickname bringing a small flush to your cheeks.

Before he turned to you for questions you pointed to the package, “there are instructions on there, just use like half of the package.” You responded his unasked question with a small smile as he turned back.

He followed the instructions on the package flawlessly as you grabbed different spices and dumped different amounts into the sauce.

It didn’t take too much longer for your dinner to be finished, the soup like texture replaced by the thicker sauce after all the excess water evaporated.

After dividing the noodles and sauce over two bowls you allowed the remaining sauce to cool off so you could put it in the fridge for tomorrow. Corpse looked over your shoulder as you carried the two plates out, he had grabbed utensils and brought your drinks out to the living room.

You leaned against him on the couch, your bowl in your lap as you ate, a movie playing on the television in front of you. A satisfied hum left your lips as you took the first bite, covering your mouth as you spoke, it’s perfect.”

Beside you Corpse took his first bite beside you, twisting the spaghetti around his fork before he nodded his head.

“It is perfect.” A small smile formed on your face as you looked up at him from your position, leaning your head on his shoulder, “did you enjoy cooking together?”

A small smile formed on his face, “I expected to be worse at it.” A chuckle left your lips, “your always welcome to join me.”

“maybe I will more often.”

[pink-cowboy-milo]

❤️‍🩹+ 🥖- Milo

❓+💛 - Joshua

And ofc anyone else you're up for, like Mikhail!

Milo:

❤️‍🩹 - angsty headcanon: I remember ages ago I had a headcanon that Milo used to have a problem with substance abuse. i haven’t really given it any thought recently, it’s not like an actual headcanon i believe, it was just an angsty thought at the time. the reason I thought of it was:

(1) shifting into your demonic form seems to be addicting, so I thought that maybe he’s the type of person that’s more prone to addiction hence why he doesn’t like shifting, and 

(2) I imagine after he realised he was a serial killer, he must’ve really had a lot of self loathing, so he wouldn’t have cared about his life and just further spiralled until at some point he realised hurting himself and potentially risking death wouldn’t change what he’s done and it wouldn’t benefit anyone either. it was a hard pill to swallow, but he realised that his inaction was an insult to the people he killed. deep down he wanted to live, he just needed a reason to justify living, so he took this one and ran with it. the only way to continue was to make the choice to live. although he didn’t think there was any salvation for his soul (metaphorically and literally), and he wasn’t looking for it from anyone either, the least he could do was try and do some good before he checked out. 

🥖 - food headcanon: loves cooking for others, it’s one of his love languages. he’s particularly fond of seafood, spicy and sour foods. he generally likes the texture of crunchiness so I feel like he’d every now and then like to make himself tostones as a treat. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had a book he used to write down all his recipes and stuff and to keep track of what other people like and how to make those dishes. he also has a sticky note of Amber and Glen’s coffee orders which he keeps stuck to the inside of his glove box. 

Joshua:

❓ - anything else: since he grew up in a pretty shitty environment where they had to look out for themself, food wasn’t always a stable thing in their life, so as they’ve grown older she’s become immune to ‘gross food’, she will eat any combination of anything. like, will she bitch that there’s not enough seasoning on the chicken? yes. but will she still eat it? also yes. they also used to dine and dash a lot when they were younger as well as just casually steal some fruits/veg that were displayed outside grocery stores. their greatest achievement was “liberating” a roast chicken from Coles.

💛 - BROTP: I’m not really sure how to answer this so just let me know if I answered this differently than what you were expecting. 

I generally think Joshua finds it difficult to make friends with anyone without knowledge of the demon road so I really don’t think he’d have like a strong friendship with anyone his own age outside of the acquaintances he’s made as a representative. Like as much as I’d like to say Mikhail, they’re more so a sibling dynamic, and Mikhail is more than a decade younger than Joshua so nah. Although I imagine once Milo and her are able to settle a create some semblance of a normal life together, they’re able to try to develop proper friendships with people in their general vicinity and try to put the past behind them, though I don’t think Joshua currently would be able to call anyone their best friend other than Milo himself. 

[hopeatersponsorssmash]

ARC 2: Chapter 5

The three Links have a good day in woods that Ganondorf decides to sour once they get back.

Previous-Next

Word count: 1437

Ao3

Link hummed, mixing things in the pan as his two other incarnations watched. The chosen hero trio had opted to go out and spend a day in the woods, Link intent on showing the younger ones how to survive there. And that started with cooking.

He smiled to himself as he finished, handing a Tough Veggie Rice Ball to the two of them. “Armoranth makes you tough.” He explained, voice soft and raspy from disuse. “Harder to be hurt.” Young Link nodded, passively eating the rice ball with minimum input.

Toon Link was much more expressive, visibly finding it hard to chew. He swallowed. “The plant parts are like, super hard.” He commented. “Is that normal?”

Link nodded. “Armoranth can’t be broken when raw. Cooking it softens it just a bit.” Toon Link made a small noise of understanding, and continued eating. The older waited until the two children were finished. “You two want to try?”

“Yeah!” Toon Link exclaimed, coming to sit next to his elder. Young Link also nodded, scooting a bit closer. “My grandma can make this really good soup! Do you know the recipe?”

Link blinked, before thinking. He remembered things from his incarnation of the Hero of Twilight more clearly in this world, so the thought of the younger boy talking about a soup similar to Yeto’s momentarily crossed his mind. But he shook his head at the thought, remembering that he didn’t know the recipe and had none of the ingredients needed. “No, sorry. I know other soup recipes, though.” He remembered something. “You’re from the sea, right?” Toon Link nodded. “How about a Hearty Creamy Seafood Soup, then?”

“Alright!” Toon Link exclaimed, Link laying out ingredients in front of the boy to choose. “So, uh… creamy soup, so that means… milk?” He asked, picking a bottle of milk up. Link nodded. “And seafood, that means I don’t need poultry or regular meat.” He added, pushing that aside and focusing on the fish, crabs and snails. He picked up a Hearty Salmon, and started reaching for one of the snails before being stopped by Link. “What?”

“That’s a Sneaky Snail.” Link informed him, before pointing at the one with a blue shell. “Hearty Snails are blue.”

“Right! Right. Uh… maybe some veggies…?” Toon Link asked, picking up a Hyrule Herb. Link shrugged. It wouldn’t compromise the soup, but it wasn’t going to add anything to it either. “And something for seasoning… salt is good, right?”

“Very good.”

“Alright!... Now how do I make soup.” Link chuckled at that, instructing the younger boy on how to mix the whole thing. Soon enough, they had a steaming pot full of Creamy Seafood Soup, the sweet aroma of Heartiness mixing with it. Link used a ladle to let Toon Link taste it. “Mmm… not my grandma’s, but still really good!” Link nodded, a small smile on his face, as the three of them got to bottling up the soup, each taking a few bottles for later uses.

He turned toward Young Link. “What do you want to make?” Young Link looked at him, before staring intently at the ingredients. He tilted his head in curiosity, and pointed at a purple bottle. Link picked up the bottle. “That’s Monster Extract. A bit hard to work with. You want to try?” Young Link nodded. “How about a cake?” He nodded again. Link watched the other pick up the Tabantha Wheat, Goat Butter and Cane Sugar necessary for the recipe. “Do you want an effect?” Young Link seemed to think for a moment, a chilly breeze passing by. He then took a warm Safflina. Link nodded in approval. “Alright, so cakes are a bit harder to make…”

Toon Link watched the purple smoke coming from the pot dubiously. “Not sure I like this color. Or the smell.”

“That’d be the Monster Extract.” Link reassured. “It’s got a weird smell. Gives the food a texture, too.”

“Is it a good texture?” Toon Link inquired.

“... it’s a texture.” Link supplie. Toon Link looked worried, but Young Link focused on forming the shape of the cake as it cooked. The three eventually had a cake that seemed to be chocolate (which was strange considering the lack of cocoa in the recipe) with purple frosting. Link cut the cake in three parts, a sickenly sweet aroma filling the air.

The three dug into the desert, sounds of surprise leaving the two younger Links. “It’ch good!” Toon Link commented before swallowing. “Really gooey, too…” Young Link nodded in agreement, digging into his part of the cake. As someone who grew up in the forest, he wasn’t exactly used to those kinds of sweets.

Link nodded. “Monster Extract works best with cakes, since it makes everything gooey. You can definitely use it in other stuff, but… let’s just say Monster Curry is pretty weird.”

“Monster Curry!?”

-

“Oh! You guys are back.” Zelda commented as she saw the three heroes walk into the Mansion’s library. The three Links had gone out in the forest for most of the day, and had come back well after dinner. “How was the day… camping?”

Link shook his head. “Not camping. Only showing them the ropes before camping.” He explained with a smile. Toon Link was sitting at the table, excitedly telling the princess about what the older Link had taught them to cook, while Young Link pulled out his journal to write down his day.

“-and once he moved the pan and everything went flying up but he caught it all and didn’t lose any food!” Toon Link described, mouth running a mile per hour.

Zelda hummed. “Are you planning on going on an actual camping trip at some point?”

Young Link nodded, writing down something on a page of his journal before showing it to Zelda. We’re planning on going on a small camping trip once we all get at least a 1000 points. The page explained. We want to see if we can reach the edge of the forest.

Zelda nodded. “I see. Well, I’m glad you guys are getting along, but are you sure it’s a good idea to leave when he’s-” she made a head gesture toward Ganondorf, who was reading in a corner of the room. “- around? He might try to take advantage of the fact that you’re away, or try to kill you while your guard is down, or- or-”

Young Link patted Zelda on the shoulder in reassurance. “Don’t worry, princess.” Link joined in. “We’re more vigilant than that.”

“Yeah!” Toon Link affirmed. “If Ganondorf tries anything, we’ll kick the fu-udge out of him!” He declared, clearly catching himself on that ‘fudge’ word.

“Will you, now?” The cat-eyed hero yelped, before turning toward Ganondorf who was now out of his chair. “Because the way I see it, you’re all letting this place weaken you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean, you scabby sea bass!?” Toon Link snapped, getting out of his chair and glaring at Ganondorf.

The Gerudo King rolled his eyes. “Three incarnations of the great hero of legend, handpicked by beings above gods to participate in their tournament, neglecting to sharpen their skills in order to go on a camping trip.” The last two words were uttered with venom. “One must wonder how you keep saving the world if such things are enough to distract you…”

“This coming from the guy who’s still scared of Meta Knight because of the Brawl days?” Toon Link retorted. “I mean, not that it matters. Most of the people in this mansion can reduce you to the bubblering bilge rat that you are!”

Ganondorf snarled. “Hold your tongue, you damned child! The Hands rigging this game against me means nothing. My point holds that you are letting the peace and comfort of this place weaken you, while I keep on working to get stronger! And when you’ll be atrophied enough… Well, let’s just say that Eggman needing to go to the infirmary after Sephiroth took him a bit too seriously in their fight today will look like a walk in the park compared to you’ll be like.”

Link sighed, getting up. “You think we’re letting ourselves be weak.”

Ganondorf turned toward the other hero, snarling. “Maybe you’d like to prove me wrong in a fight?”

“I don’t have to prove myself to you by doing the thing I’ve always done.” Link answered, narrowing his eyes. “But if you want proof I’m not weak, then I’ll give you proof.” He started walking away, intent on going back to his room.

He had a Boss Rush to complete tomorrow morning, after all.

[x0401x]

Q&A with the Archery Men

Translated compilation of the eleven-part Q&A from the official Twitter. Feel free to message me about any mistakes. Please consider supporting the creator by purchasing the novels here and here. (Raws || Index)

Question 1. What is your family structure?

I live with just my father. My mother passed away in a car accident when I was in sixth grade.

I live with my father and mother. My older brother lives by himself. Of course, Kuma is a precious family member too.

Grandma, Dad, Mom and Nee-chan! Eeeveryone is nice! I’m a grandma’s boy.

Dad, Mom and little sis! If I do say so myself, I think we’re a family of good-looking men and women. ★

Dad, Mom, two big sisters and our cat, Lucy. The height of my shoulders is close to my Dad’s.

Dad, Mom, Aniki. Dad and Aniki travel outside of the prefecture for work-related matters. I also currently live by myself in an apartment complex close to the shrine.

Father, mother, younger sister. There’s a bit of a gap between mine and my sister’s ages, so we have never played together that much...

Question 2. What’s a food (or drink) that you like?

Egg rolls. Not with sugar but salt! It’s gotta be salt!

Stir-fried water spinach. I’ve never come across a stir-fried water spinach that wasn’t delicious.

Cream stew! I kinda feel happy whenever I eat it.

Soy latte. ❤ Soy is good for health and soy latte is fashionable, huh?

Salted plum. It has a bactericidal effect for recovery from fatigue and is also all-purpose! I have it pickled at home.

Coffee. The ones you can drip yourself are good, but I also like canned coffee. Getting to enjoy the scent is kinda adult-like, isn’t it?

kyoani did you really have to romanize his name like that oh my god

Japanese-style food in general. Spending time with my grandfather might have had a big influence on this. I like takoyaki.

Question 3. Any foods (or drinks) that you hate?

Japanese ginger. That smell is just... I wonder if I’ll grow to like it when I become an adult...

Ratatouille. Lots of things I don’t like are mixed in it... What I don’t like is a secret.

Sukiyaki... Everyone likes it, but I once ate too much and ended up feeling sick...

Bitter gourd. I’m a bit bad at dealing with bitterness. Ah, but if it’s a bitter gourd chanpuru made by you, I’ll eat it. ❤

Chocolate. Can’t really eat sweet stuff...

Eggplant. The texture doesn’t go well no matter what...

I make sure not to hate anything.

Question 4. What are your hobbies?

Pottering. I also go play in the river with Seiya a lot during summer. Of course, Kuma comes too!

Watching soccer games. I like collecting data and coming up with tactics. Eh, why don’t I play it myself, you ask? Haha, because I’m more on the analytical side of it!

Bouldering and traditional drums! I like moving my body, and traditional drums have been on display at a festival in my hometown too!

I like gaming and mangas! But what I’m into right now is gathering frog merch. ❤ The girls give me lots of goods.

Gaming and reading. There’s a game I’m into now, and coming up with tactics is really fun. As for reading, anything goes, I guess... What d’you mean by “that’s unexpected”?

Visiting cafés and enjoying the shop’s coffee! I enjoy reading too. I also go hitch-hiking and there was a time I went on a journey.

I don’t have what could be called a hobby, so... let’s go with “meditating”.

Question 5. Any special abilities?

None in particular. Saying, “This is my talent!” is kinda embarrassing...

Creating smartphone apps. I also register my hit counts in my own self-made app. It’s pretty simple to make one, y’know?

Kendou! I was in the kendou club in middle school. But I don’t like hurting my opponents...

Hip-hop dancing! Cool, ain’t it? I’m also in the middle of studying many languages, not just English! Maybe because I sound good, I get compliments on my pronounciation.

Archery! Nothing other than that! Period!

Car driving. Parallel parking is a breeze too! But the roads and parking lots are large here, so I don’t do parallel parking that often...

None in particular. Aah, archery? I don’t want to attribute it to a category as narrow as “special abilities”.

Question 6. Are you a dog person or cat person?

Kuma! He’s the dog kept at Seiya’s place, and he’s cute and a good boy! I wanna cuddle with him!

Dog, I guess. My Kuma is more attached to Minato than to me, though... I can’t get in-between the two of them.

Dog! People tell me I’m like a golden retriever, so my affinity with them just goes up on its own!

I’m a kitty person. ❤ Of course, I’m talking about you!

Cat. Our Lucy is obviously the cutest thing in the world.

Can’t I be an owl person? In the past, after I took care of an owl that got injured, I became an owl person!

Dog. Japanese breeds are cool, aren’t they?

Question 7. Sea person? Mountains person?

Mountains. I used to often go insect hunting when I was a kid, and climbing trees is my specialty! Be it in spring, summer, fall or winter, there’s a lot to enjoy.

Mountains. When I was a child, I often went to play in them with Minato. I also quite like playing in the river.

Both! I can’t choose between either sea or mountains~. Except, the fact that there are bugs in the mountains and jellyfish in the sea is a bit...

Sea, I guess! I wanna walk on sandy dunes with you. ❤

Sea. Hey, don’t go making that “thought so~” face. I’m into hover boating.

Sea. Why, you ask? Because pretty women in swimsuits are there!

Mountains. My parents have a villa, you see. I’d often play there when I was little.

Question 8. If you could move through space and time, would you want to travel to the past or the future?

Future. I’m sometimes like, “I should’ve done this or that”, but rather than thinking about these things, I wanna move forward.

Past. The reason is a secret.

Future! I wanna try riding on flying cars! Also, maybe going to outer space!

To a happy future with you, I guess. ❤

Past. I’d become a warlord in the Warring States era! The warlord I admire is Date Masamune!

I live cherishing the present. That’s the most important.

Either. If I were to say it, I guess it’d be the future. I’m interested in space travel.

Question 9. What if you could use magic?

I could easily buy the stuff I want in limited-time sales. Last time, a 90%-off black wagyu fillet sold out before my eyes...

Controlling people’s minds. Haha, why’re you looking away?

I wanna try flying in the sky! If I do that, maybe I’d get to be friends with birds!

I don’t need magic. Like, it’s meaningless if you don’t make it happen with your own hands.

Not interested. It kinda feels like there’d be a catch, so I can’t trust it. For example, losing something important every time you use magic...

I’d be able to perfectly clean up the shrine’s grounds in an instant! We’re short-handed, so the cleaning takes up time... I wonder if someone couldn’t help out.

I wouldn’t rely on magic. It feels like I’d soon lose anything I get my hands on without effort.

Question 10. What’s something that made you happy lately?

I got to buy a good pork meat in a limited-time sale. But even though I made ginger pork with it, Dad said he was coming back late from work so he didn’t need it...

That I was able to safely enroll into high school. Eh, sounds like a lie, you say? It’s true.

I found a four-leaf clover! I gave it to Onee-chan!

That I met you. ❤ Hey, are you happy that you met me?

I went to the live show of a band I like. The lyrics that the vocalist writes pierce into your heart...

I got “winner” at the vending machine. I have strong luck, if I do say so myself! Guess I’ll try my hand at buying a lottery ticket or something if it goes on like that...

My sister drew a portrait of me. Of course, I keep it soundly in a safe place.

Question 11. What’s something that made you cry recently?

Tears came out when I was cutting the onions for the ginger pork. I was spacing out...

I don’t cry. If I have time to be crying, I make some effort to get strong instead.

I cried after watching a movie about animals! The child-raising struggles of that cheetah mom were so touching... *cries upon remembering it*

Out of happiness for meeting you. ❤ Speaking of which, why have you been giving me this cold look since earlier!?

I don’t cry.

You used to cry like a pipe in the past!

Shaddap! It’s in the past!

I haven’t ever since I became an adult. My tears have dried up... Just kidding!

I didn’t cry even when I was a child. I don’t even know what’s the kind of time that one should shed tears.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #331

my head hurts way too badly to think up some intro lyrics, so just g’night.

Have you ever become good friends with someone you never met in person? Oh yeah, I've had best friends over the Internet. Hell, I'm closer to many online friends than I am most irl ones. They know "the real me" more. What do you consider your default mood to be? Stressed, probably. Discontent. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve ever kept a goldfish alive for? Not long. Proper goldfish husbandry is a very neglected topic, and I sure as hell never knew how to set up its tank adequately. Have you ever been paintballing? No, don't plan to. It looks like it hurts like a bitch. Do you want a large wedding? No. Did you ever collect any sort of cards? I had a very small collection of Pokemon cards. I didn't collect them avidly. What’re the best and worst books you ever had to read for a class? The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton was the best. The worst was some book we had to read in the 6th grade about a kid during some war that moved around a lot... I don't remember the name or who wrote it, but it sucked. What’s the best meal you had at an amusement park, or If you haven’t been to one, how about a good meal at another place like a zoo, aquarium or museum? I don't know. I haven't been to many. Who, whether a person or company, emails you the most? My PHP therapist emails me a check-in sheet and Zoom link every day there's a therapy session. What kind of sound or noise freaks you out the most and why do you think it scares you? Let's seeeee... I don't know if there's a sound that actually freaks me out. There are some I don't like, but none that like, frighten me. At least that I can think of. What’s the strangest art piece you’ve come across? Biiiitch there's a painting in Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs I'm not gonna go into, but shit fuckin wild. What’s the most clever or unique name you’ve come across for a business? I've definitely heard some cool ones, but I don't know about one that really stands out to answer this. If you had to name one of your hypothetical future children after a song, which song would you pick? Maybe like... okay, I'm blanking. Good thing I'm not having kids to name then, right? What’s the last song you heard? "Down in the Park" by Marilyn Manson is on atm. What is your favorite line from a TV show? *shrug* Any current family issues? No. How many hours do you spend online a day? How do you feel about that? I'm doing something on the computer pretty much... always. I hate it, and I hate it a lot. I don't want my life to be tied solely to the digital plane. I want to do more than bounce back and forth from website to website. Do you think that people have the power to make their own lives better? Absolutely, but there are some things they simply cannot change. It's about perspective and how you play the deck you're dealt. What is the biggest problem in your life right now? Right now, the most limiting thing is my physical health, probably. Just walking being torture affects my ability to exercise, and my body is a major reason - if not the biggest, at this current time - for my depression. This also plays a massive role in jobs I can handle. Not to sound like my emo self writing middle school poetry, but my body feels like a prison. Do you feel that you are loved? I know I am by some people, though I have a hard time understanding why a lot. What is the one thing you want most from life? Life satisfaction. Pride in what I've accomplished. A regular state of being content. Birthplace? I'm just gonna say in eastern NC. Do you believe in love at first sight? No, merely infatuation. Love is much too deep for that. Do you think dreams eventually come true? Some can, but usually only if you put effort into making that so. Favorite fictional character? like ummmmmmmm have you heard of this sassy bastard called Darkiplier- Go to the movies or rent? Before Covid, I loved going to the theater. It was something to do, plus a giant screen is nice. McDonalds or Burger King? McD's. I'm not a big BK fan. I only really went there during my vegetarian phase for the veggie burger. Current annoyance? This motherfucking headache. Last thing you ate? I have a meal replacement shake with me right now, if you consider that "eating." I didn't have a proper dinner. The last solid food I had though was some cookies and cream Greek yogurt. Last thing you bought? With my own money, I think I bought Mom and I some cheap McDonald's order semi-recently? Or maybe paying my $100 deposit for my tattoo was most recent, idk. Soonest thing you are looking forward to? For Mom to get her CT scan and find out what's going on in there. What did you do today? It was a pretty average day. I woke up way too early, though. The only thing even semi-unique about today was I played World of Warcraft for a few hours again; I've been quite unattached to it lately, but I went through an episode today of actually having fun playing. Oh, and I've been battling a migraine. It's more of a severe headache now, at least, but it still sucks big time. Do you like to see it snowing outside? Oh yes, absolutely! When you were in high school did you ever have bomb threats? I believe once we did from a very volatile student that honestly caused quite a lot of trouble. He's dead now. Who knows ALL of your secrets? Nobody. Did you have a job before you were in college? No. Have you ever thought about what it would be like to have a baby right now? That's a terrifying thought, no. Are you on birth control? Yeah, but just because it tames my menstrual cramps. Without it, they could be debilitating some days. Who is your last sent text to? My best fren. Have you ever eaten at Chipotle before? Possibly? Idr. Do you swear often? Excessively. I had a dirty mouth prior, but my swearing got really bad when I started staying at Jason's house a lot. He and especially his mother swear like mad. Do you own any shirts with a peace symbol on it? No. Do you have your national flag hanging up anywhere outside your house? Not at this house, no. Would you ever go to Japan? Oh, yes. I would love to. It's... very morbid, but I would really like to walk the (public) paths of Aokigahara Forest, nicknamed "Suicide Forest" for the horrible amount of, well, suicides that happen there via hanging. Like, you might just casually run into a dead body. I want to just... feel it there, walk in silence and empathize with people who didn't know what else to do and hope so deeply that those departed know they were never alone in their pain. I know with absolute certainty I'd probably be teary-eyed the whole time and cry a whoooole lot, but it's just an experience I want to have. What was the last thing you went to Walmart for? Some basic groceries. What should you be doing right now? Sleeping, given this headache... I just don't want to yet. Are you afraid of getting your heart broken? I'm fucking terrified of that ever happening again, far more than words can properly express. Have you ever been in a choir? Yes, actually; when I was a Catholic kid, my sisters and I were in the church choir for a year or so, idr. Do you have a Twitter? Yes, but only to like Mark's tweets, haha. Oh, and very rarely enter giveaways I'm interested in. Describe your retainers to me, if you have them, that is. I have a permanent metal one behind my front row of bottom teeth to keep those straight. My upper teeth had one of those normal retainers you take in and out, but I didn't wear it enough, so now it doesn't even fit. Would you like for someone to call you right now? No. I'm tired, my head hurts, and I'm enjoying the song I'm bingeing. It's so weird, I rarely ever go on music hunting trips (no real reason, I just... don't), but I've found great shit lately. Do you like to brush your teeth? No; it's a chore. I only do it because I don't want my teeth decaying, falling out, or getting too yellow, and the taste in your mouth and gritty texture on your teeth isn't exactly great when you don't brush. Have you ever had a surgery? Two. Give out your phone number over the internet? I have over private messages. Do you look older or younger than you actually are? Given my wardrobe (like graphic tees and band shirts), I probably look younger in the eyes of especially older people. I personally say I look my age, though. When is the next time you’ll be up on stage? I never plan to be again. What is the last show that you watched a full episode of? Some cooking show with Mom. Nailed It!, I think? Do you know anyone who lives in Utah? No. I love Utah, though; it's actually a place I'd be willing to live in with just how pretty it is and not super populated. Do you get your feelings hurt easily? VERY. I'm probably one of the most sensitive people you can meet. Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? Yeah. Have you ever seen your best friend cry? Ugh, yes. What kind of vitamins did you take as a kid? First we took those nasty, chalky Flintstones kinds, but as time passed, Mom moved onto giving us gummy bear vitamins that were perfectly fine. Did you get any compliments today? No. Are you friends with your neighbors? Not "friends," no. What towns have you lived in? Three different ones. That's all you're getting. Have you ever thrown up from drinking? No. Done any illegal drugs? No. I mean I've had some alcohol underage, but I've never done anything remotely hardcore. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve been on an airplane without changing flights? Idk. Who have you texted today? My mom and best friend. What time did you wake up this morning? Ugh, like five in the fucking morning. I couldn't go back to sleep. What is your favorite condiment to go with french fries? Ketchup. What do you have a habit of doing when engaging in a conversation with someone? Making shitty eye contact, and I'm one of those people who "talks with [their] hands." I also lose my train of thought a whoooole lot. Have you ever layed in a hammock? Yeah; we had one growing up. Have you ever lost a pet in a tragic way? How did you cope? Well yeah, I've had lots of pets, so thus lost some in particularly painful ways. The most scarring loss of a pet though is as follows: Teddy, my dog, picked up one of our cat's very young, wandering kittens in his jaws in a manner that looked as if he was trying to carry it like Aphrodite (the mother cat) does when she would bring them back behind the couch, where she gave birth/had her little "nest." I absolutely freaked and had to pry the kitten from his mouth, and it slowly died in my hands. I think Teddy accidentally crushed its ribs. I. Was. A. Mess. Then, there was Aphrodite herself. I've told the story before of our former neighbors calling animal control because our cats would wander through their yard, and all of our cats were taken away while I was unaware at school. Came home, and they were all gone. Aphrodite was my baby, so I was devastated. Screaming, sobbing, cursing on the porch for like 20 minutes... It was awful. What type of curtains do you like? I don't... know? I don't know the actual names of any types... What type of quality is a must-have in a friend? I absolutely cannot be friends with someone who thinks they're above everyone else. Are you any good at reading someone's body language? I think I am. What goes good with a nice cold glass of milk? Cookies! Especially Oreos. Dip it in there for around five seconds, and it's perfection. What fruit is too sweet to you? Grapefruit came to mind first. How did you feel after your first kiss? I had butterflies galore and was so giddy and smiley. After the first, I just wanted to kiss him a billion more times. What’s your favorite constellation and why? I don't have one. Shower curtain or door? Curtain. The glass doors are too revealing. Have you ever thought to yourself that you’re the luckiest person in the world? Most deeeeefinitely not. What time of day do you most enjoy looking at the sky? Sunset if there are clouds present, but sunrise if the sky is pretty clear.

[lifeisbooksandcats]

Since posting on tumblr feels like just screaming into the void; where maybe someone might throw a glance your way to see if maybe you’re both screaming about the same thing, but at the end of the day, no one is really paying attention to you..and I feel like that’s what makes me feel like I can post this. Because it’s not something I can say out loud, not really, not yet. Except to my fiancée because it’s something we’ve talking about for a while. This is going to be long, I’m certain of it, and it’s going to be rambley because I’ve been trying to put my thoughts into words and those words into coherent...anythings...and it just isn’t going to be in any sort of order. I’m not expecting anyone to read it and I’m hoping the read more button actually works on mobile. If not, then I’m sorry, you’ll be scrolling for a while.

I don’t know how valid people feel self-diagnosis is, but I honestly feel like I fall somewhere on the autism spectrum. And that’s something I’ve thought about myself since my first year of college. Someone in a communications class I was taking did a presentation on autism, and throughout the entire thing all I could think was how much everything resonated with me. So that’s, since the fall semester of 2009, this has been something I’ve quietly thought about myself and wondered and honestly just been pretty sure of. That’s 12 years this fall, and I still can’t bring myself to say it?? And I think it’s a good bit because I’ve been asked so many times throughout my life if I’m autistic - by family members, by friends, by a college roommate, by people living on the same floor as me at college - and it’s ALWAYS been (or at least felt like to me) in some sort of negative way. And I don’t want to apologize for being myself, but fuck it’s just hard sometimes???

When I walk into a room, especially one I’m not familiar with, my first instinct is to look for the exits and figure out how I can get out of there if it gets too loud/too hectic/too EVERYTHING and I start to panic. And if I’m in a situation where I can’t leave, I have this little clear stone that I play with in my hand, just something to focus on to help keep me just a little bit calmer. When that doesn’t work, it’s like my mind just...goes. I don’t know how to explain it; physically I’m still there, but mentally...even if I wanted to pay attention to something, I literally could not. It happens the most when there’s too many sounds/voices/conversations happening at once, they all blend together, I can’t understand anything and after a second it feel like it’s all just muffled and I’m not there anymore, I feel so disconnected from my body, like there’s someone else controlling my brain and I’m just there watching. It happened at the zoo just recently, when we went into one of the restaurants for lunch. I was already panicked because of the number of people inside without masks on. From the second we walked in, everything from the number of people inside, to the volume, to the lights being too bright (but looking back, I feel like they were probably an appropriate brightness? It just felt too bright with everything else going on), to the lack of masks, everything was too much. My fiancée and I stood in line with one of our friends, waiting to order our food, and I stood there rocking slightly on my ankles and fidgeting with that little stone, just trying so desperately to calm my internal panic and to not “check out” mentally and to just appear “normal”. I stood there waiting for our food, rocking on my ankles, running my thumb along my fingertips, listening to the conversations all around me merging into one unintelligible mess and on the inside, full on panicking while hoping that from the outside, no one could tell. I got our food, set it on the table, and stepped into the bathroom to wash my hands, the quiet welcoming me like nothing else. I closed my eyes and just stood there, breathing, letting the warm water run over my hands like some kind of magic balm bringing me back down. I opened my eyes again, a woman with a toddler smiled at me like she knew - which made me worry again because it’s not something I want people to know because I don’t want to be different, I don’t want anyone to look at me differently. But at the same time, I do. I want to be able to stand up for myself and say “I literally physically cannot go into this loud, crowded restaurant because I’m autistic and it is so auditorily overwhelming in there.” And maybe that wasn’t even what her smile meant. Because I literally never know how people are feeling and I try to figure it out but honestly 90% of the time it’s just guesswork.

But it’s not just that. It’s not just the panic that sets in when it’s too crowded and the sounds are too much. It’s the fact that as a kid, I was never “just” a fan of something I liked. I either didn’t care, or it was an all-consuming obsession that basically became a personality trait. I was a fan of Aaron Carter, but god forbid anyone ask me a question about his music or anything — because whether or not you were interested (and unless you flat out told me you were uninterested, I literally could not tell), I was going to info-dump everything onto you. I could tell you what time he was born, how many minutes were between him and his twin sister, which concerts his sister Leslie sang at (because she also had a small music career), at what point in his career he actually started singing live instead of lip syncing most of the time...

And speaking of info-dumping. If I couldn’t info dump to someone, I would write it. As a child - second, third, fourth grade...- I wrote essays upon essays on things I was interested in just because I could. Just everything I knew on the topic, thrown out into words either handwritten as a younger kid or typed as I got older. When I was in about fifth or sixth grade, when Harry Potter was HUGE and all my friends were also into Harry Potter, I couldn’t tell everything I knew to my friends because they already knew a lot of it...and so as a kid, maybe a fifth grader, I wrote a six (maybe seven?) page essay - single spaced - with everything I knew about the series/the author/everything. Before the last book came out, I filled an entire spiral bound notebook with my theories for how the series would end and WHY I thought what I thought.

My first NOW That’s What I Call Music CD was Now 14. I was in 7th grade and I could tell you exactly what order the songs were in. That was something I did to calm myself down back then; listing the songs on that album over and over and over again, always in the right order.

From about 7th grade until high school graduation, I brought and ate the exact same thing for lunch every single day. I said it was because I liked it, but I really didn’t. I didn’t like the Oscar Mayer precooked bacon that I would put on my BLT. I didn’t like the texture, half the time I couldn’t bring myself to eat it and picked it off my sandwich. But the thought of changing it??? That wasn’t even something I would have considered because somehow in my mind, changing it was worse than eating it. Make that one make sense.

I love routines and schedules and things staying the same, and get annoyingly stressed out when things/my schedule changes. One little change or one little thing out of the ordinary and it’s like I forget how to function for the day. Everything seems off. And I hate it. Because I KNOW that it shouldn’t matter, but it does. Half days and two hour delays at school growing up?? Those stressed the FUCK out of me because the order of the day would be different. I loved school and loved learning, but those days I felt physically ill over the thought of going to school. Field trip days were okay though because I knew they were coming and I had plenty of time to mentally prepare myself. I remember as a child asking my teachers (on multiple occasions) for the itinerary for a field trip so I could memorize it and know exactly what to expect and when for the day.

There are times that my fiancée will turn on the tv for “background noise” while she watches videos on her phone, and I wish I could describe what I mean when I tell her that there’s “too many sounds”. Because between the tv, her phone, the hum of the refrigerator in the other room, the neighbors, cars driving by, the cats playing, the ceiling fan...I don’t know how else to describe it other than exactly that — too many sounds. And it gets to be too much. So I have to put headphones in and listen to music to drown it all out and refocus.

I’ve only just recently been able to put a word to what I now know is poor executive function. As much as I loved school, I could NOT do assignments until the day they were due. I could start on something days before it was due, but I couldn’t work on it. I couldn’t focus on it. I couldn’t get myself to work on it. But the morning it was due??? I could whip up a paper that I knew would earn an A just hours before needing to turn it in. I prided myself on that ability, but looking back it was most definitely poor executive function. If I couldn’t finish something that morning, which was a rare occurrence, I would lie - I’d look “everywhere” for my assignment and “panic” because I “couldn’t find it” and because I was a good student, I got away with it. Every. Single. Time. Even with the hard-ass teachers who no one could get away with things on. And magically by the end of the day, I would swing back by that teacher’s classroom to give them my assignment that I had finally “found”.

I remember sitting on the kitchen floor of our apartment as a kid and tracing my fingers along the lines on the floor where the tiles met. I remember the pattern was brown/white/brown/white, but there was one spot on the floor that made me so irrationally frustrated because two tiles were swapped; instead of the same pattern as the rest of the floor, this one spot was brown/white/white/brown/brown/white. I remember pointing it out and my mom asking me why I had even paid any attention to that. I didn’t know why, I just did. I remember her telling me that it was stupid to let it bother me and to just let it go, but I couldn’t. I stopped mentioning it, but right up until we moved out of that apartment, I couldn’t even look at that spot on the floor without getting frustrated by it. There’s more than that. But that was one of the first things I thought of.

I’ve been watching a lot of Yo Samdy Sam’s videos on YouTube, and especially her videos “Autism symptoms in GIRLS” and “Could YOU be autistic? (and not know)” and I just... I feel that. Everything she says, I feel that. I watch them just thinking “that’s me. That’s me.” the entire time. She mentions sucking on her hair as a kid, and I did that CONSTANTLY. My hair was forever in my mouth. And now that I’m an adult, I don’t suck on my hair, but my sweatshirt strings are always in my mouth. Obviously there’s more than that, but that was one that hit me hard because I didn’t realize that wasn’t just something everyone did as a kid. I didn’t realize not everyone couldn’t stand still and always had to be fidgeting or moving slightly, whether it was rocking on my ankles, running my thumb over my other fingers, crossing and uncrossing my toes inside my shoes. I didn’t realize not everyone had the same shitty executive functioning skills as me.

And it’s like... I’m so sure that’s me. I’m so sure that I am autistic. I know it. But it’s like...is getting a diagnosis at this point in my life going to change anything? I mean no, probably not, other than giving me that validation that I crave. I would feel valid when the world is too much/too big/too loud. I would have a reason for feeling the way I do and doing the things I do. So much of my life would make sense. But. I don’t know. I’m afraid I’ll try to get a diagnosis and have someone, some doctor or therapist or psychologist or someone tell me that I’m not. And then what? Then what is everything I’ve felt throughout my life? That’s what I’m afraid of, really. Because if I’m so sure of this and then some professional says “no that’s not it”, then what?

[phantomphangphucker]

Ectober Day 6 & 24: Silence & Nothing - Nothing To Ring In The Sound Of Silence

Logic says nothing gets to exist forever, but Danny has made a habit of defying both logic and the laws of the universe. But that’s just Danny, not everything or everyone else.

*Note: So I combined these two days in this fic because it just flowed so damn well for me. Originally this was just supposed to be for ‘Silence’ but it evolved. I didn’t really feel it long enough to break into two chapters.

It’s been a long time. A long time since everything happened. A long time since there’s been anyone. Danny stops in his floating to stare at the dilapidated statue of himself, speaking purely to hear sound, “the world’s been silent a long time”.

It hadn’t happened suddenly, of course it hadn’t. That was part of how Danny knew in his gut that he might not be able to do anything. See Danny’s problems, his fights and the catastrophes he stopped, they always popped up suddenly with great alarm. But the slow decay and breaking down of everything’s genetics had crept up on everyone.

It had started with the oldest of creatures and things. Old world ferns and bugs and birds. No one gave much of a damn besides those who truly loves those things. Sure some people mourned the extinctions, but humans had been driving things to extinction for a long time. Most of the world even rejoiced when misquotes seemed to get hit, but the fields of science went into a panic. Because with that drop, so too did many others decline in numbers; bats most notably.

But it wasn’t until some fruit plants started to go that the rest of the world began to worry. There had already been a food crisis and this would make it worse. Other people only cared that they would never get to eat another banana or leaf of lettuce again.

But the commotion was enough to get Danny curious. If this had started back when Sam was still alive, he would have paid attention sooner. But it had been a long time since her, or Tucker, or even Amity. It had hurt when the town had to be abandoned, no longer able to financially support all the excessive damage. Course Danny still protected the place, but repairs didn’t happen much. Leaving the place too destroyed to be inhabitable by humans. But Danny was part ghost, something stagnant, something that didn’t do ‘change’. So he never really left, just made Amity his lair in genuine. Modifying and altering it as he pleased. The roads glowed, the nasty burger always had ectoplasmic food even if no one worked there, buildings began repairing themselves, colours changed according to the halfas mood, etcetera. The rest of the world was perfectly content to let their saviour do as he pleased with the place and it even became something of a tourist hotspot and shrine to Phantom.

But it was also firmly a place no one wanted to actually stay in, catering to Phantom and Phantom alone. And he was weird, he’d always been weird. But after a few hundred years being stuck in between life and death. After losing all his human connections and many of his ghostly ones. He became a little too weird for most of humanity to handle long term. The snapping of fangs, the paranoia, the ease with which he could become a soldier on the battlefield, the utter disregard for his own safety, the treating of serious injuries like old friends and minor annoyances. He was too weird for most ghosts as well, the exception being other older ghosts. But most of those older ghosts were too stick in the mud or loners to be close with Phantom. An endlessly social, silly ghost filled with good-natured trickery and wanderlust. His lair was much the same, prone to playing tricks of the eye or leading people in circles. Sometimes disabling other ghosts powers at random or stealing their things only to return them as soon as the ghost left. The food that grew there, only appealing to Phantom himself. Mustard pickles that tasted of flowers, milkshakes made of frosted flakes that were somehow smooth not crunchy, apples that screamed with the texture of strawberry mousse. So while the place got plenty curious eyes and worshiping filled minds, it didn’t get any permanent residents. Other than the famous half-ghost himself.

And Danny didn’t really mind the silence, the chance to be alone, that his abandoned ghost town of a lair now granted him. It was a nice break from the constant action and sounds of battle that was his everyday life. So he relished it, the silence, the same way he relished floating lazily through the starry sky.

Smiling with nostalgia, Danny lands on the roof of the nasty burger, ghostly tail curling around the sign. Now Amity stood as one of the few places that wasn’t destroyed, that hadn’t crumbled to rot and litter. The irony of that makes Danny laugh. As he puts his head in his hand and looks up at the clear starry sky, light pollution no longer possible. He’d never thought he’d be upset about that. But he is. He is because of what it means. The lack of electricity, the lack of importance for it, the lack of humans, the lack of need for it. Danny’d always adored his night vision, did even more now, but what he wouldn’t give to get slightly blinded and startled by a fluorescent lightbulb suddenly going off. This thought gets Danny floating off the building to poke at a few lightbulbs. Sure electric had stopped being a thing in Amity long before the rest of the world. He had basically told everyone not to bother, seeing as he could and did just light the place with ectolights. What he hadn’t expected was having to eventually light the whole world with them. Now, well, now he didn’t even bother. There was no one or thing to make light for.

Danny himself hadn’t paid attention to, hadn’t really worried about, what was happening until the platypus went extinct. Other mammals rapidly following suit. And when the canines and felines got hit, that’s when the chaos started. When everyone started giving a damn in genuine. When the research got funded like crazy and became the focal point of news or awards.

Danny himself helped out by finding things for the scientist faster than any other person really could and bringing it back faster than even the best hovercoppers or jets could. This was the point where Danny managed to throw the world through another loop, surprise everyone again. No one really knew he was easily as intelligent as his sister, that his mind couldn’t decay because of his halfa state. Couple that with his body being constantly covered in a hazmat suit and being naturally antibacterial, well he was extremely helpful for the scientific and medical community. But Danny couldn’t help much when medicines couldn’t be made any more or when plastic became increasingly rare.

That was another thing about Danny and his problems. They came at him head-on and he faced them head-on. It was a battle, always something he could physically do. But not this time. This had been something marching forward slowly, decaying and eating away at all of life. So Danny did the thing he knew best and looked for ghostly reasons. Searched the Zone for any clues. And that, that’s when he truly began to worry, to freak out. Because the Zone wasn’t getting bigger, it wasn’t gaining any of the dead souls. Sure not everything that died became part of the Zone, but usually at least a third did. For nothing to be going to the Zone? That was more than just worrying, that was logically impossible. Asking around didn’t yield any results, and ClockWork had been concerningly impossible to find. In fact, Danny recalls, ClockWork had been impossible to find ever since then. Which makes him shiver, the implications of that were deeply concerning. Even if the enigmatic time ghost was supposedly immortal, like Danny. He’d even tried finding the other Ancients for answers, to no luck.

By the time he had hopped back into the mortal realm, the scientists had figured it out.

ClockWork had once told him that everything you see, everything you touch, all of it. Everything had a time limit. Everything was at the mercy of time. Even something as simple as genetics or air. And that time was apparently up. Everything’s genetics were functionally breaking down, Mother Nature being unable to reform it anew.

Danny remembers asking if they could reverse it, cloning was perfectly viable now just incredibly immoral and thus illegal. But of course, exceptions were made, except it didn’t work. No matter what they did the clones were never stable. Even cloning things as basic as chemicals failed. It’s chemical makeup or genetics turning to useless goo near instantly. As if forming those things lost was no longer even possible. In the end, Danny wasn’t too surprised, considering what he knew of Dani and her fate. Though a clone of him she had been, she wasn’t immortal, she was never truly stable. Eventually needing more and more treatments till it simply no longer lasted more than minutes. The two had made an agreement, had decided to let her fade with the closest thing to a father she ever truly had. And the closest thing to a daughter Danny would ever have. It would be unfair to bring a child into his half-life intentionally, so he never did and never would. That was a night he had grieved harder than almost any other before it, the ghosts and humans morning the loss with him, knowing exactly who and what the little black and white halfa girl was.

So with cloning written off, they had tried to create near exact replicas. Slightly changing things to try and achieve something stable yet similar enough to the original. There was some success on the smallest level before some extinct plants and missing medications became a lesser worry. Because then, then humans started to fall. Birth rates fell, till eventually there wasn’t a single baby in months. People started dying younger and younger. Started being unable to heal even paper-cuts or recover from the simplest of colds. Everyone became highly trained in first aid purely to keep their own bodies from falling apart on them. Synthetic skin and bones had never been more popular. Bionic limbs became so commonplace that seeing someone without any biometal was startling.

Danny did his part by being a highly mobile medical expert and being a pioneer in Biomech. Seeing as his very specialty was self accessing and self-treating injuries. Sure he frequently had to remind himself that these were humans and that they absolutely could not regrow limbs or liquify parts of their bodies to make reforming breaks easier. But he made it work and his knowledge had been vital for the survival of smaller towns and countries for a long time.

But then everything came to a head, Danny finally got the big impact he was used to. There wasn’t enough humans, nuclear plants were failing, safety measures weren’t being followed, people were ceasing to care. Danny tried to help keep order, but there’s only so much one guy can do. Getting any malfunctioning bombs off the planet, or cleaning water polluted with massive chemical explosions, or making sure collapsing skyscrapers didn’t destroy entire towns; took precedence over being a leader to the humans. Many parts of the world became uninhabitable in a very short amount of time and eventually, all Danny could do was check those areas himself for any change; giving reports back to the humans when he could. But it was at this point that Danny started to not relish the silence or being alone. He was too alone, everything was too quiet. No bugs buzzing, no undercurrent hum of electricity, no animal cries. It made his own voice jarringly loud in comparison, so he fell into silence more and more. Not just to avoid disturbing things or feeling too loud. But also because there started to not really be anything or anyone to talk to more and more.

He’s then reminded of a conversation he had with a young twenty-three-year-old scientist who looked something like a patchwork doll, as he floats to weave in between building windows slowly.

“It’s been a while since I’ve heard a good joke from you, Phantom”.

“Telling them to dirt and rubble feels pretty foolish”.

She had laughed, “yeah, I guess it would”, there was a sigh, a pause in the conversation, “I think maybe you should. Your humour is a pretty vital part of who you are”.

“I’m not fading. I can’t”.

“I know. It’s just. It’s worrying honesty. You always have a joke to throw around, no matter the situation or how bad. Now you seem at a loss”.

“I am at a loss. Ran out of Avengers End Game ones a while ago and those aren’t even relevant anymore. No one even knows what ‘Avengers’ is now. I ran out of material and there doesn’t really seem to be a point to saying them over again”.

“See that, that’s why it’s worrying. You may only be half-ghost, but you’re still not a creature of change. If anything you’re more inclined against change than full ghosts. And yet here you are, changed. And ghosts... ghosts only change truly when reverting back isn’t an option anymore”.

“I’m still perfectly capable of making jokes and finding humour”.

“That’s not really what I mean. I’m saying that... that I don’t really think the reason why you’re out of jokes can be reverted”.

Danny hadn’t responded to that simply watched her with sad eyes and with facts creeping into the forefront of his mind that he didn’t want to hear.

While she continued, “I think your being can tell, knows on some level, that this isn’t a battle for you to face. Isn’t an enemy you can fight. Isn’t a world for you to save. That this just can’t be fixed, can’t be stopped”.

The was a pause for a while before Danny had nodded slowly and stopped floating to sit on the counter, “I’m never one to back down or give up. But, yeah. I don’t have the drive, the protective desire, that I should”.

She had only nodded and gotten back to work.

Shaking his head to clear away the memory, that had been a big thing for him. Really realising his obsession wasn’t acting up, that he didn’t feel the need to help. It had really sealed the deal for him, as all the life around him slowly dwindled away. Which resulted in him spending more and more time with the collections of young humans, less and less time off on his own. The people noticed, seemed to understand. But also strongly had no desire to acknowledge why Phantom was spending as much time with them as he could. Like one does with a dying parent or a pet on their way to being put to sleep.  

It wasn’t long after that when Danny noticed something else, the Zone was...shrinking. Ectoplasm was seemingly beginning to decay and break down as-well. And unlike with the Mortal Realm, the most complex things went first. The most sentient of ghosts. And unlike the Mortal Realm it happened fast; in days even. Pandora’s fading had been cataclysmic, Danny had to hide away her box after ghosts kept stealing it. And that had started a long trend of Danny having to find this artifact or that potentially world-ending weapon, and hide them away. Being forced to split his time between the two dimensions as everything fell apart. Both sides had noticed this change in behaviour. Commenting that Phantom seemed like a man running around trying to keep the sky from falling down. Danny had cracked a few jokes about that, but they lacked the bravado and mirth they usually held.

And by the time the Zone plants started to wither away, Danny had pretty well abandoned the Zone. Instead spending what time he could with the remaining humans and living animals. All there was to see in the Zone was buildings and the occasional flora, which hardly needed his comfort. But all the same, he elected to not tell the humans. Not wanting to stir up hopelessness or panic. Though his actions told them all they needed to know. They just didn’t tell him such.

At this point, humanity was functionally split between anarchists and small communities. The communities eventually falling into anarchy themselves, as people lost any belief in things ever getting better. Danny had watched, tried to keep some level of order for a while. But eventually saw the pointlessness of it and people just trying to have some damn fun at the end of the world. Finally acknowledging what this was, what it had been; the apocalypse. And with this acknowledgment he changed, he joined what was left in screwing around. Unnecessary destruction, reckless self endangerment, the rock star lifestyle. Drugs, sex, and rock and roll. Fast, loose and with complete disregard for the future. What was left of the humans flocked to him at this point, riding the high of someone who could let them do things there’s no other way they could do. To say a lot of things had been crossed off bucket lists and final wishes granted, would be an understatement. Even if it made the loss of each individual person hurt Danny all the more. He really was always a self-sacrificial fool. A weaker more selfish person would have just left everyone to their fates. Not walked by their sides till they eventually could walk no more. Till the world fell and life simply stopped existing.

But Danny did, always would, as he was left standing looking between two worlds were nothing existed anymore. Where there wasn’t even air to make sound or any single thing besides him to break up the silence.

Danny runs his fingertips across the green road, slowly floating to sail outside of his lairs boundaries. To a vast empty expanse, buildings to ash not having his ectoplasm to build them up again and again. Chunks of the planet itself breaking off as the planet's core cooled away. The bits of hard ground illuminated by his glow and the few still travelling light of dead stars alone, the sun having winked out long ago.

Danny turns intangible and slips into the ground, floating down to sit on the Earths core. Before being jarred by his ghost sense going off for the first time in eons. Turning his head to his old mentor and friend, in their white beard and simple purple cloak. Turning his head away as he speaks, “it’s been a long time, Father Time”.

Earning a smirk from the Ancient ghost, “indeed”.

The two sit in silence for a while, Danny laying on his back on the Earths core, “makes sense I guess”.

“You hardly needed me. You and the Earth”.

Danny snorts, “I guess that says it all, doesn’t it. Nothing to do and nothing to help”. The two fall back into silence again, before Danny sits back up and leans into ClockWork to cry. Just the knowledge of something, of someone else being there made the sound of it less massive, less jarring, less painful. As ClockWork rubs his back, giving a level of comfort only a being that saw the end coming and had existed before all other sentient things, could provide.

Danny eventually sniffling and wiping his nose, “is there anything I could have done differently?”.

ClockWork sighs, knowing the self-punishment and blame had been coming, “I’m sorry Daniel, but this is how it has to be. Like all things, everything must have its end. To eventually fade into oblivion and the nothing”.

Danny curls his fingers into ClockWork’s cloak, “but me, I’m still here. I’ll still be here”.

ClockWork pats his head fondly, “of course. Always. Even nothing needs a guardian. And, as it always does, something comes from nothing”.

Danny nods, makes sense he was an Ancient himself but that hardly phased him. Instead asking, “so there will be life again?”.

“And therein lies something that not even time can tell”.

Danny gives a somewhat hallow smile, “I thought you knew everything”.

ClockWork bops him on the nose with a soft smile, “only nothing can know what nothing has in store”.

Danny rests his head on ClockWork’s lap, “so me, the Ancient guardian of nothing”.

ClockWork pets down Danny’s hair as he speaks, “as it always was to be”, leaning over to kiss Danny’s hair, whispering as to not break the silence to severally. The silence that their young companion had grown comfortable with and would surely be surrounded by for a long time to come, “and nothing needs nothing to truly flourish”.

Before fading away and leaving Danny alone to sleep on top of the very core of the planet he loved so very much. As even it too began to crumble away into nothing, having been the last remaining thing in the universe. Once sustained only by Danny’s will and ectoplasm. Now falling away finally, as his being accepts what he truly is. The nothing after something and the nothing before something. The one true constant of the universe. For nothing doesn’t need something to exist but something never exists without nothing. Leaving nothing as the guardian of the universe and the guardian of nothing to guard it all forever.

End.

[electronicneutrino]

i mean i’ve actually looked at a ton of diagnostic criteria but this this one gives specific points/actions/feelings just kinda bolds ones i feel and italics ones when younger/pretty sure but not completely

from here 

Check off all areas that strongly apply to the person. If each area has 75%-80% of the statements checked, or more, then you may want to consider that the female may have Asperger’s Syndrome.

Section A: Deep Thinkers

1. A deep thinker

2. A prolific writer drawn to poetry

3. Highly intelligent

4. Sees things at multiple levels including thinking processes.

5. Analyzes existence, the meaning of life, and everything continually. [ continuously asks questions. even when tired. especially when tired ] 

6. Serious and matter-of-fact in nature.

7. Doesn’t take things for granted.

8. Doesn’t simplify.

9. Everything is complex.

10. Often gets lost in own thoughts and “checks out.” (blank stare)

Section B: Innocent

1. Naïve

2. Honest [ I mean if you ask ‘what do you think of ___’ i’d be honest but if there’s a practical purpose eg. avoiding getting into trouble/some tiresome outcome, I’d lie] 

3. Experiences trouble with lying. [I can lie just fine with a script but otherwise. ehhh] 

4. Finds it difficult to understand manipulation and disloyalty. 

5. Finds it difficult to understand vindictive behavior and retaliation.

6. Easily fooled and conned.

7. Feelings of confusion and being overwhelmed

8. Feelings of being misplaced and/or from another planet

9. Feelings of isolation

10. Abused or taken advantage of as a child but didn’t think to tell anyone.

Section C: Escape and Friendship

1. Survives overwhelming emotions and senses by escaping in thought or action.

2. Escapes regularly through fixations, obsessions, and over-interest in subjects.

3. Escapes routinely through imagination, fantasy, and daydreaming.

4. Escapes through mental processing.

5. Escapes through the rhythm of words.

6. Philosophizes continually.

7. Had imaginary friends in youth.

8. Imitates people on television or in movies.

9. Treated friends as “pawns” in youth, e.g., friends were “students,” “consumers,” “soldiers.”

10. Makes friends with older or younger females.

11. Imitates friends or peers in style, dress, and manner.

12. Obsessively collects and organizes objects. [ mostly just digital stuff though, but I do like organizing books] 

13. Mastered imitation.

14. Escapes by playing the same music over and over.

15. Escapes through a relationship (imagined or real).

16. Numbers bring ease.

17. Escapes through counting, categorizing, organizing, rearranging.

18. Escapes into other rooms at parties.

19. Cannot relax or rest without many thoughts.

20. Everything has a purpose.

Section D: Comorbid Attributes

1. OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)

2. Sensory Issues (sight, sound, texture, smells, taste)

3. Generalized Anxiety [ when I was in elementary school I had a near constant fear of my house burning down]

4. Sense of pending danger or doom [ again esp when younger] 

5. Feelings of polar extremes (depressed/over-joyed; inconsiderate/over-sensitive)

6. Poor muscle tone, double-jointed, and/or lack in coordination

7. Eating disorders, food obsessions, and/or worry about what is eaten. [ idk if it really conts though but esp when younger ‘what is that black thing in my rice. is it a fly. or just pepper. can i eat it’] 

8. Irritable bowel and/or intestinal issues [ I keep getting stomache aches esp when younger idk why] 

9. Chronic fatigue and/or immune challenges

10. Misdiagnosed or diagnosed with other mental illness and/or labeled hypochondriac.

11. Questions place in the world.

12. Often drops small objects

13. Wonders who she is and what is expected of her.

14. Searches for right and wrong.

15. Since puberty, has had bouts of depression. 

16. Flicks/rubs fingernails, flaps hands, rubs hands together, tucks hands under or between legs, keeps closed fists, and/or clears throat often.

Section E: Social Interaction

1. Friends have ended friendship suddenly and without person understanding why. [ somehow said something offensive in gr 8 and even now I sTILL don’t know what I said wrong I just meant ‘hey do what you want’???] 

2. Tendency to over-share.

3. Spills intimate details to strangers. [ does posting on tumblr count ] 

4. Raised hand too much in class or didn’t participate in class. [ raised hand for everything I knew esp in elementary school] 

5. Little impulse control with speaking when younger.

6. Monopolizes conversation at times. 

7. Bring subject back to self. [ esp when younger, now it’s ask others lots of questions to avoid seeming self centered] 

8. Comes across at times as narcissistic and controlling. (Is not narcissistic.) [ idk though but I don’t think so? ] 

9. Shares in order to reach out.

10. Sounds eager and over-zealous at times. [ may be? idk ] 

11. Holds a lot of thoughts, ideas, and feelings inside.

12. Feels as if she is attempting to communicate “correctly.”

13. Obsesses about the potentiality of a relationship with someone, particularly a love interest.

14. Confused by the rules of accurate eye contact, tone of voice, proximity of body, stance, and posture in conversation.

15. Conversation can be exhausting.

16. Questions the actions and behaviors of self and others, continually.

17. Feels as if missing a conversation “gene” or thought-“filter”

18. Trained self in social interactions through readings and studying of other people.

19. Visualizes and practices how she will act around others.

20. Practices in mind what she will say to another before entering the room.

21. Difficulty filtering out background noise when talking to others.

22. Has a continuous dialogue in mind that tells her what to say and how to act when in a social situations.

23. Sense of humor sometimes seems quirky, odd, or different from others. [ i think usually I just laugh to myself when I think up something funny that I expect not funny to others. I have this reoccuring joke to myself that I should read a book on social ettiquette. It’s funny bc it’s something I would actually do. ] 

24. As a child, it was hard to know when it was her turn to talk. [ idk but I think??? ]

25. She finds norms of conversation confusing.

Section F: Finds Refuge when Alone

1. Feels extreme relief when she doesn’t have to go anywhere, talk to anyone, answer calls, or leave the house.

2. One visitor at the home may be perceived as a threat.

3. Knowing logically a house visitor is not a threat, doesn’t relieve the anxiety.

4. Feelings of dread about upcoming events and appointments on the calendar.

5. Knowing she has to leave the house causes anxiety from the moment she wakes up.

6. All the steps involved in leaving the house are overwhelming and exhausting to think about.

7. She prepares herself mentally for outings, excursions, meetings, and appointments.

8. Question next steps and movements continually.

9. Telling self the “right” words and/or positive self-talk doesn’t often alleviate anxiety.

10. Knowing she is staying home all day brings great peace of mind.

11. Requires a large amount of down time or alone time.

12. Feels guilty after spending a lot of time on a special interest.

13. Uncomfortable in public locker rooms, bathrooms, and/or dressing rooms.

14. Dislikes being in a crowded mall, crowded gym, or crowded theater.

Section G: Sensitive

1. Sensitive to sounds, textures, temperature, and/or smells when trying to sleep.

2. Adjusts bedclothes, bedding, and/or environment in an attempt to find comfort. [ cOULD NEVER FALL ASLEEP BC OF THAT ESP WHEN YOUNGER. IT SUCKED. ] 

3. Dreams are anxiety-ridden, vivid, complex, and/or precognitive in nature.

4. Highly intuitive to others’ feelings. [???] 

5. Takes criticism to heart. [ i mean I really really try not to now though ] 

6. Longs to be seen, heard, and understood.

7. Questions if she is a “normal” person.

8. Highly susceptible to outsiders’ viewpoints and opinions.

9. At times adapts her view of life or actions based on others’ opinions or words.

10. Recognizes own limitations in many areas daily.

11. Becomes hurt when others question or doubt her work. [ less so now] 

12. Views many things as an extension of self.

13. Fears others opinions, criticism, and judgment. [ less so now ] 

14. Dislikes words and events that hurt animals and people.

15. Collects or rescues animals. (often in childhood)

16. Huge compassion for suffering.

17. Sensitive to substances. (environmental toxins, foods, alcohol, etc.)

18. Tries to help, offers unsolicited advice, or formalizes plans of action.

19. Questions life purpose and how to be a “better” person.

20. Seeks to understand abilities, skills, and/or gifts.

Section H: Sense of Self

1. Feels trapped between wanting to be herself and wanting to fit in.

2. Imitates others without realizing.

3. Suppresses true wishes.

4. Exhibits codependent behaviors.

5. Adapts self in order to avoid ridicule.

6.  Rejects social norms and/or questions social norms.

7. Feelings of extreme isolation.

8. Feeling good about self takes a lot of effort and work. [ but i mean. depression ]

9. Switches preferences based on environment and other people.

10. Switches behavior based on environment and other people.

11. Didn’t care about her hygiene, clothes, and appearance before teenage years and/or before someone else pointed these out to her.

12. “Freaks out” but doesn’t know why until later.

13. Young sounding voice

14. Trouble recognizing what she looks like and/or has occurrences of slight prosopagnosia (difficulty recognizing or remembering faces).

Section I: Confusion

1. Had a hard time learning others are not always honest. [ esp when young though tbh by this point bc + depression/maybe anxiety it’s more like. wonders if everyone is being nice bc it’s socially expected or if they actually like me] 

2. Feelings seem confusing, illogical, and unpredictable. (self’s and others’)

3.  Confuses appointment times, numbers, or dates.

4. Expects that by acting a certain way certain results can be achieved, but realizes in dealing with emotions, those results don’t always manifest.

5. Spoke frankly and literally in youth.

6. Jokes go over the head. [ ‘IT’S A JOKE YOU CAN LAUGH NOW’ ] 

7. Confused when others ostracize, shun, belittle, trick, and betray. [ moreso when younger [ 

8. Trouble identifying feelings unless they are extreme.

9. Trouble with emotions of hate and dislike. [ i mean I still hate/dislike things it just takes a lot for me to hate/dislike something esp when younger]  

10. Feels sorry for someone who has persecuted or hurt her.

11. Personal feelings of anger, outrage, deep love, fear, giddiness, and anticipation seem to be easier to identify than emotions of joy, satisfaction, calmness, and serenity.

12. Situations and conversations sometimes perceived as black or white.

13. The middle spectrum of outcomes, events, and emotions is sometimes overlooked or misunderstood. (All or nothing mentality)

14. A small fight might signal the end of a relationship or collapse of world.

15. A small compliment might boost her into a state of bliss.

Section J: Words and Patterns

1. Likes to know word origins.

2. Confused when there is more than one meaning to a word.

3. High interest in songs and song lyrics.

4. Notices patterns frequently.

5. Remembers things in visual pictures.

6. Remembers exact details about someone’s life. [ tbh lowkey one of my hobbies just memorizing my friend’s time tables ] 

7. Has a remarkable memory for certain details.

8. Writes or creates to relieve anxiety.

9. Has certain “feelings” or emotions towards words.

10. Words bring a sense of comfort and peace, akin to a friendship.

(Optional) Executive Functioning   This area isn’t always as evident as other areas

1. Simple tasks can cause extreme hardship.

2. Learning to drive a car or rounding the corner in a hallway can be troublesome. [ look I know I need to get a driver’s licenece but the idea of. driving a car. is very scary. so much stuff to focus on ] 

3. New places offer their own set of challenges.

4. Anything that requires a reasonable amount of steps, dexterity, or know-how can rouse a sense of panic.

5. The thought of repairing, fixing, or locating something can cause anxiety.

6. Mundane tasks are avoided.

7. Cleaning may seem insurmountable at times.

8. Many questions come to mind when setting about to do a task.

9. Might leave the house with mismatched socks, shirt buttoned incorrectly, and/or have dyslexia. [ i mean that’s mostly bc i don’t care enough ] 

10. A trip to the grocery store can be overwhelming. [ yes but mostly only when i’m really tired ] 

11. Trouble copying dance steps, aerobic moves, or direction in a sports gym class.

12. Has a hard time finding certain objects in the house, but remembers with exact clarity where other objects are.

[bae-leth]

AU of The Other Dimitri AU Part 1 of 2

Me again! It’s funny, I know what I wanna do with the Ivan oneshot but planning it and then getting to writing it is being far more difficult than expected. Maybe because I’m dealing with a character who is an OC but also somewhat canon in the sense of taking canon Dimitri’s role? Anyways, I’ll get that fic out eventually, I’m actually having fun with the challenge of getting it to work. So I decided, in the meanwhile, to make some notes about the previous post I submitted regarding Ivan (the unit overview) and doing something fun as a bonus. Writing down Ivan as a unit if he existed in the canon game! An AU of an AU. Ah well, it’s fun and it helps me figure out his character. *NOTE*: As I was writing this thing, I realized this was getting ridiculously long for a submission, even from me. So this is gonna be part 1 of 2. I’ll get part 2 to you in a few days with the rest of the info, mostly related to timeskip stuff, battle quotes, paralogues, and RECRUITMENT (*gasp*). Part 2 is gonna have PLENTY of delicious angst! And I hope this part has gotten you interested in what happened to Ivan during the timeskip, especially with the few little hints I’ve dropped here and there. **WARNING**: There will be slight spoilers about the Blue Lions route. I will avoid as many major spoilers as possible or otherwise be vague where I can, but there is some stuff. Just wanted to give a head up! Anyways, I hope you too enjoy this! And, once again, sorry for submitting these absurdly long posts to your inbox.

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Notes

*The following notes are some fun facts regarding stuff I put down in the Unit Overview post*

Childhood Picture: It’s a portrait of Ivan, Dimitri, Felix, Ingrid, Sylvain, and Glenn. It shows them as they were about five years before the Tragedy of Duscur. In the first few months of the charade, when Ivan saw this picture he freaked out and tore the part that had him in it off, burning it in the fireplace. He carries the picture with him constantly. By the point in the timeskip where he starts to go as “Ivan” again, he regrets tearing the picture, especially since it’s the only picture he had that had all of them together. But perhaps the other members of their friendship group have other pictures?

Collection of Fairytales: Ivan loves fiction books, and fairytales are no exception. When the charade begins, Ivan is so focused on training his body and mind to become more and more like Dimitri that he doesn’t check out his books anymore. It isn’t until a couple years later that he sees this book. He smiles and starts to open it, only to see his real name on the inside cover. Ivan has a habit of writing his name on the inside cover of all his books. What followed was Ivan grabbing a quill and large bottle of ink and proceeding to furiously cross out his name from every single one of his books.

Jeweled Dagger: Considering it has the letter D on the hilt, you would think it was Dimitri’s dagger. And…technically you’re right. But Dimitri never got to see the dagger. Ivan wanted to give Dimitri a surprise present for their 14th birthday. So he secretly commissioned the dagger from a blacksmith, asking that it be delivered on Dimitri and Ivan’s birthday. The Tragedy of Duscur happened a short time later and Ivan forgot all about the dagger, between his trauma and having to train for the charade. That is, until a package arrived on his 14th birthday, addressed to “him”.

I actually forgot to put down Ivan’s favorite type of tea but then I remembered Dimitri’s favorite tea is chamomile. So I looked it up and chamomile tea is known to help with stress and anxiety, as well as act as a decent sleep aid. Perfectly fitting for Dimitri and just as fitting for Ivan. So yeah, Ivan’s favorite type of tea is chamomile!

Ivan very much did learn the edible weeds thing from Dimitri! The story is that when they were around eight and hanging out outside, Dimitri chomped on a dandelion with zero warning. When Ivan stared at him in horror, Dimitri proceeded to happily explain all about edible weeds. Ivan decided to just accept it and move on (screaming internally the whole time) …Though he did keep it in mind and has always been kind of curious…

Why is Ivan terrified of horses? When he was four, a particularly bad-tempered horse bit Ivan’s cloak and wouldn’t let go, tugging it and tossing poor tiny Ivan with every shake. Ivan may no longer remember the incident, but he’s been terrified of horses and Pegasi ever since.

Ivan’s Music: He has a habit of humming, especially when doing monotonous tasks or when he’s in an especially good mood. He practiced hard to stop doing it once he had to become Dimitri, but once he goes by Ivan again, he’s slowly bringing the habit back. He has a lovely singing voice, though he’s very out of practice since he hasn’t sung since he was 13. But it’s a strong voice and he has impressive range. A little practice and he’ll probably be as good as he was when he was younger. His instruments of choice are the piano and violin, once again having not touched either since he was 13. After he officially becomes king (particularly after the ceremony that names him king which was held three years after the war) he starts taking lessons again, though doesn’t have much time for it since he’s busy with so many other things. He only started composing his own music when he was 11. He starts making little compositions again during rare free time in the war. He still makes compositions after he becomes king but, once again, he’s so busy he really doesn’t have time to nurture his talent.

Sometimes he’s bitter towards Dimitri for how disinterested the guy was in music, which made Ivan give up so much to perfect the act. But Ivan also remembers Dimitri patiently and happily listening to him play and sing, always saying Ivan was a “god of music”. A silly exaggeration as far as Ivan was concerned, but he doesn’t think he would’ve kept up with music if it wasn’t for Dimitri’s wholehearted encouragement.

Ivan and Ingrid share so many favorite foods. This is largely because when Ingrid was the one who comforted Ivan, she would often share some food with him when she did so. So Ivan associates those foods with happy memories. Ivan’s interest in food with interesting textures is a thing that started a little before arriving at the academy. The reason of which I won’t say (is it a spoiler? I don’t know, better safe than sorry. It has to do with something mentioned at some point in Dimitri and Flayn’s supports if you’re curious, I don’t remember if it’s said elsewhere).

Ivan and Felix were the baby brothers of the friendship group. Even Ingrid treated him as a baby brother like she did with Felix, even though Ivan was older than her. Ivan and Felix had a strong bond due to being meek crybabies. Ivan also had a habit of often hiding behind Sylvain when something spooked him. Of course, Felix often had the same idea, leading to the pair sometimes competing to cower behind Sylvain, while Sylvain laughed at them the whole time, while also doting on them.

So yeah, Ivan did forget his real name over the five-year timeskip. Between all the trauma he faced and the visions of the dead, he could only recognize himself as “Dimitri”, even though he saw hallucinations of the real Dimitri often. He doesn’t remember his own name until Byleth says it to him after Byleth learns that “Dimitri” was really Ivan this whole time.

I saw an anon noticed my stat joke about Ivan’s high Luck compared to Dimitri. One of my favorite things is when Fire Emblem games do something with a character’s stats or classing options (something other than personal skills) that reflect on some story element. Like having a character who is stated in story to be super lucky have naturally high Luck. Or that thing in Awakening with Kellam’s whole shtick of being practically invisible, so he can be reclassed into the Thief class. So yeah I purposefully lowered several of his stats and growths and just cranked up that Luck to match his backstory. Also, I’m pleasantly surprised an anon noticed that Ivan having higher Mag and E+ in Faith implies he was meant to be a healer. Because yes, that’s true! The idea is that if Dimitri hadn’t died, Ivan was gonna be on the path to be a healer/mage character. But because he had to become Dimitri, that greatly stunted his growth and shifted the rest of it to match more with Dimitri’s stats and growth.

Those are the big notes I thought of. Now, let’s get into the AU of this AU, involving what if Ivan was a character alongside Dimitri! Just a thing I made for fun, and like I said before it helps get those creative juices flowing!

AU of The Other Dimitri AU – Ivan Alexis Blaiddyd Unit Overview

Backstory

An overview of the backstory, at least where it differs from how Ivan is in the main AU. Ivan is still Dimitri’s younger identical twin brother, still has the minor Crest of Blaiddyd too. One difference is that while in the main AU Ivan is the one who interacted with the girl with the dagger, in this AU it’s Dimitri who did so, just like canon. The idea being that both of them met her and Ivan tried his best, but she and Dimitri hit it off while Ivan couldn’t get far, so he stopped coming along to visit her. He’s bitter about the idea of once again being passed up for his brother but he’s also jealous of having his brother stolen away from him for that time Dimitri and the girl knew each other. The other big difference is that Ivan didn’t go with his family on the day of the Tragedy of Duscur. Ivan was a sickly child growing up, and he hadn’t been feeling well during the week of the trip. Therefore, Lambert had him stay behind out of concern his condition would get worse during the long trip. Ivan was heartbroken at being left behind (and while he understood why, there was still a twinge of terror deep in his heart over not being good enough, being a burden). The Tragedy of Duscur goes down, Dimitri comes back as the only survivor. Things on Dimitri’s end go down basically the same as canon: meeting with Dedue, his trauma, the falling out with Felix, etc. On Ivan’s end, things end up changing quite a bit. Since Dimitri’s alive, there’s no act, so Ivan’s skills grow as they were intended, being more magic and healing based. Although he ends up picking up the lance too, because sparring was sometimes the only way to get his brother out of his room during those first few months following the tragedy. Ivan finds himself puzzled by his own emotions, particularly how he isn’t devastated to the same extent Dimitri is. Of course he’s in pain and mourning the loss of his father, stepmother, and Glenn. And he’s horrified by the deaths of all the knights, by the deaths of the people of Duscur (he remembers the furious tears streaming down Dimitri’s face as he told him the people of Duscur were innocent). But unlike Dimitri, who’s half dead and only making it to the next day thanks to Ivan, Dedue, and Rodrigue, Ivan still moves about. Eats just fine (Dimitri acts weird towards food now), doesn’t cry the night away (Dimitri sometimes slips into his room or Dedue’s and just sobs as he clings on desperately). Probably the one thing Ivan has in common with Dimitri in grief is the onslaught of nightmares (Dimitri never says what his are about, but Ivan’s are visions of his loved ones and so many faceless others covered in blood and gore, cursing him for his dumb luck that kept him away from the horrors of that day). And maybe that is what’s wrong, that he wasn’t there and didn’t see any of it. But…he doesn’t know. He’s so confused. And he hears the whispers from nosy nobles who know nothing, thinking he doesn’t care about the deaths. Ah well, he supposes he’s used to being the subject of mockery and rumors, as the worthless second-born, never as good as his brother. Never good enough for anyone…His relationship with Sylvain and Ingrid remains close over the years. However, he too ends up coming into conflict with Felix, although nowhere near what happened between Felix and Dimitri. Felix’s issue with Ivan, much like with Dimitri, stems from the rebellion when they’re 15. Except Ivan wasn’t part of the assault against the rebels (“Let me go too, Brother!” he had yelled while Dimitri refused and even ordered guards to make sure he didn’t come. As if years separated the pair instead of mere minutes). When Felix had told him what Dimitri had done, yes, Ivan had been thrown off by it, even horrified of the image of the warm and loving brother he knew being such a beast (“But the rebels were a threat to innocent people. Dimitri did what he had to, in order to protect others.” “You wouldn’t say that if you saw him, Ivan!”) Naïve and black and white in his view of “right”, almost disturbingly so, that’s what Felix had spat at him before storming off. But perhaps because Ivan wasn’t part of the battle, perhaps because Ivan’s fear of fighting and the way he shakes at the idea of it is so genuine, Felix doesn’t sever their friendship like he does with Dimitri. But Ivan can see they’re no longer “two peas in a pod”, that with Felix’s changing feelings towards the concept of “chivalry”, things can’t be as they once were. And maybe Dimitri is somewhat bitter about Ivan being able to maintain those bonds that he himself can’t find a way to. Another big shift shows up that adds more fuel to the fire of Ivan’s jealousy and bitterness towards Dimitri. The way his uncle, the court advisors, and noble after noble feel the need to tell him to help his brother, to look out for him and support him. The comments alone aren’t an issue, it’s what Ivan was doing anyways, because his brother is his idol and best friend. He loves him, truly. But the way they keep talking gives off warning signs. Before the tragedy he was shoved to the side and considered an afterthought, not worth a second glance and having nothing of value compared to the golden heir and crown prince. But now, with the way they’re telling him to support his brother and stay with him, it becomes more and more clear that they’re telling him to live only for his brother. Live for him, die for him. Ivan’s life is no longer his own, his dreams and wishes are no longer his own. He exists only for Dimitri now. He’s not good enough to actually help or provide any meaningful assistance, such as in battles or in politics, he’s only the spare after all, a weak and timid crybaby. But he still must do everything and anything for Dimitri (“You’re brothers, of course you would do anything for him, right? Anything at all?” “…Yes…” As if he can say no to them. As if he can convince himself he’d ever say no). Because it would be a tragedy to lose the crown prince, but not nearly as much if it was the second son. It’s suffocating. This varies from the main AU, where Ivan is still very jealous and bitter, but Dimitri’s death makes Ivan glorify him. His love towards his brother is very real there, but he goes overboard, which is a major factor behind his issues figuring out who he really is and how he truly feels once he goes by Ivan again in the main AU.

Character Description

The second prince of the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus, and Dimitri’s twin. He is a timid and gentle young man who claims he’s not made for battle. And yet there may be something far more complicated to his nature, especially his feelings towards his brother.

Preferences

Likes: Writing and performing music, live musical performances, fiction books, board games, sparring, well-deserved appreciation, spending time with Dimitri

Dislikes: Himself, battles, darkness, horses and Pegasi, scorching heat, people who talk behind others’ backs

Stats and Growths

Base Stats - HP: 24 Strength: 7 Magic: 10 Dexterity: 6 Speed: 7 Luck: 8 Defense: 5 Resistance: 5 Charm: 8

Max Stats - HP: 65 Strength: 56 Magic: 71 Dexterity: 65 Speed: 69 Luck: 67 Defense: 42 Resistance: 44 Charm: 73

Stat Growths - HP: 35% Strength: 40% Magic: 50% Dexterity: 45% Speed: 45% Luck: 50% Defense: 30% Resistance: 30% Charm: 45%

Skills and Proficiencies

Skill Levels – Sword: E Lance: E+ Axe: E Bow: E Brawl: E Reason: D Faith: D Authority: E Heavy Armor: E Riding: E Flying: E

Strengths: Reason, Faith

Weaknesses: Axe, Brawl, Heavy Armor, Riding

Budding Talent: Lance

Faith Magic Learned: Heal, Recover, Physic, Nosferatu, Aura

Reason Magic Learned: Blizzard, Thoron, Sagittae, Meteor

Starting Skills/Inventory

Starting Class: Noble

Personal Skill – Second-born’s Struggle: If unit’s HP drops below 50%, grants unit +20 to Hit Rate, +10 to Critical Rate, and +5 to Damage dealt.

Crest – Minor Crest of Blaiddyd: The Faerghus royal family’s Crest, inherited from Blaiddyd of the 10 Elites. Occasionally doubles Attack and weapon uses for combat arts.

Other Skills: Lance Prowess Level 1, Reason Prowess Level 1, Faith Prowess Level 1

Magic: Blizzard, Heal

Combat Arts: None

Starting Equipment: Training Lance, Vulnerary

Academy Appearance

Ivan and Dimitri are identical twins, so physically there’s not much difference between him and Dimitri. The only real difference would be that Ivan’s hair is subtly softer looking and messier, a few more bangs, a couple strands out of place, that sort of thing. Their differences come more from non-physical things, like how Ivan’s voice is softer, or how he holds himself differently, always fiddling with his clothes or having a hard time keeping eye contact, shy and introverted. As far as clothes go, Ivan wears the standard male Academy uniform, the only personal touches he wears being white gloves and a blue cape that wraps across the front of the shoulders and clasps on his left shoulder with a golden fastener that looks like the lion representing the Blue Lions (and Faerghus as a whole).

Relationship with Blue Lions at Academy

Dimitri: Dimitri is rather doting and protective of his brother, which Ivan is sometimes annoyed by since he’s only a few minutes younger than Dimitri. They have a close relationship, although there are several obvious signs that they are at odds with each other, especially considering Ivan’s darker feelings of jealousy and bitterness competing with his genuine love for his brother.

Dedue: While Dedue’s devotion is for Dimitri, he and Ivan have a comfortable relationship. Ivan sometimes sits in the garden with him, Dedue taking care of the plants while Ivan reads or composes.

Felix: Felix finds Ivan’s rather cold, black and white view towards justice aggravating but doesn’t always push him away like he does with Dimitri. Ivan is the one who puts more effort into trying to spend time with him though.

Sylvain: Sylvain enjoys teasing Ivan considering how timid he is and how he still has a habit of hiding behind Sylvain when spooked. But they have a fun and easygoing relationship. And they like talking about music.

Ingrid: They have many favorite foods in common thanks to how Ingrid comforted him all the time when they were young. Ivan gets frustrated with how Ingrid sometimes still treats him like a child who needs to be protected.

Mercedes: Ivan has a friendly rivalry with her, since she’s a fellow healer and mage. He often goes to her for advice and lessons to improve his own techniques. He closest to her after his brother and friends. Dimitri likes to joke that Mercedes is trying to steal his brother for herself. Ivan sometimes notices a brief odd look on Mercedes’ face when Dimitri says that though.

Annette: Since they both love music and have skills with magic, they get along well. But Annette is often embarrassed singing or writing songs in front of Ivan since she finds him far more skilled, while Ivan enjoys her work and wants to work with her if she’d let him.

Ashe: Bookworm babies! They have a little book club (made of the two of them) where they love exchanging notes on books they read. Ashe also enjoys getting to know Ivan since he’s been curious about Ivan ever since hearing all the rumors and jokes about “the pathetic second prince” growing up.

First Meeting with Ivan

“A-are you the one who helped Dimitri? I can’t thank you enough! O-oh, is my appearance throwing you off? I’m Dimitri’s twin, Ivan Alexis Blaiddyd. Although, other than my face, I’m not much like him…”

First Kill

“Stop shaking! I had to do it! …Yes, I had to. It’s what they deserve for all they’ve done.”

Cooking (Pre-Timeskip)

“I apologize in advance, Professor. Cooking was never my strong suit.”

“This isn’t going as badly as I’d feared…Wait, did I just curse us? Oh no.”

Cooking (Post-Timeskip)

“I’m still terrible at cooking, Professor. I’m sorry about that…”

“Okay, this isn’t too bad. Oh, I better stop speaking before I curse us.”

Choir Practice

(Pre-Timeskip) “I’ve loved music since I was a child. But I…I still don’t have the courage to perform in front of a lot of people…This should be good practice for that, right?”

(Post-Timeskip) “No matter how harsh this war gets, no matter how much it tries to break me, I won’t abandon my music. It’s something that’s mine. No one will steal it from me.”

Counselor Note

“I’ve been hearing people say some cruel things about me when they think I’m not around. I’m used to such comments, but it still affects me. And I don’t have the courage to say anything. What should I do?”

(Bad Answer): You should grow a spine and confront them!

(Bad Answer): If you point them out, I can say something to them on your behalf.

(Good Answer): Talk to someone you trust. They can give you the support you need to make a decision.

Lost Item

Items

Collection of Fairytales (A thick book of many tales of fantasy and adventure. Something is written on the inside of the front cover, but the writing is smudged. Probably belongs to someone who loves stories.)

Book of Scores (A book filled with pages upon pages of musical compositions. Each sheet is covered in detailed notes. Probably belongs to someone who loves music.)

Childhood Picture (A portrait, worn with age, of a group of smiling children. Some of the children look familiar. Probably belongs to someone with several friends.)

(If item belongs to him): “Thank you! I…I don’t know what I would’ve done if I’d lost this.”

(If item doesn’t belong to him): “I’m sorry, Professor, you have the wrong person…”

Gift

Liked Gifts: Forget-me-nots, Book of Sheet Music, Board Game, Ceremonial Sword, Legends of Chivalry

Disliked Gifts: Training Weight, Riding Boots, Hunting Dagger

(Received gift he likes): “For me? Truly? I don’t know what to say…”

(Received gift that’s neutral): “I’m glad that you’re thinking of me.”

(Received gift he dislikes): “Umm…Thank you…? Please don’t give me that look, Professor.”

Tea Party (Pre-Timeskip)

Greeting: “Thank you for the invitation.”

Liked Topics: Tell me about yourself, You seem well, Evaluating allies, The ideal Professor, Working together, Thanks for everything…, Favorite sweets, Shareable snacks, The library’s collection, Our first meeting…, Children at the market, Fodlan’s future, Books you’ve read recently, A word of advice, Someone you look up to…, A place you’d like to visit…, Overcoming weaknesses, The view from the bridge, Cats…, I’m counting on you, Past laughs, The Opera…

Disliked Topics: Reliable allies, Being the perfect knight, You seem different…, Dining partners…, Hopes for your future, Things you find romantic, Food for life, Capable comrades, The existence of Crests, Classes you might enjoy, School uniforms, You’re doing great work, Close calls, Mighty weapons, Sturdy weapons, School days, Cooking mishaps, Equipment upkeep, Monastery rules, The last battle…, A new Gambit…, Working hours for guards

Comments

“Umm, I’m sorry if I’m a boring conversationalist. I was never a social person growing up.”  

“I thought you accidentally invited me instead of my brother. It wouldn’t be the first time-Oh! I-I shouldn’t have said that.”        

“Thank you for all the support you’ve given me. It means more to me than you realize.”         

“I…I’ve been composing some songs recently. But no matter how hard I try, I’m not satisfied with them. But I suppose if it was easy then everyone would become musicians.”

“I’ve always hated battles, but I knew I would have to face them eventually. So I chose to study healing. I wanted, at the very least, to make sure I could keep the people I hold dear safe.”

Extended Time Comments

“This is for me? You’re too kind.”

“Umm, are you trying to spot differences between my face and Dimitri’s? There really isn’t much. Trust me, I’ve looked.”

“My hands shake after battles. I don’t know if they’ll ever stop…”

“Sorry, if I’m being too quiet for you, Professor. I’m not really used to all this.”

End of Tea Party: “Thank you, I had a great time! …Could we do this again?”

Tea Party (Post-Timeskip)

Greeting: “I’m sorry for the wait.”

Comments

“I think I’ve gotten a little better at conversation over the past five years. At least, I hope I have…”           

“I appreciate you, Professor. I apologize if that sounds too blunt, but I wanted you to know how grateful I am for all you’ve done.”

“I still compose sometimes, during the few lulls between battles. Some soldiers once asked me to compose some songs for battles, but I refused. I can never do that…”        

“People call me childish for still cherishing my books of adventures and wonder. But why is it wrong to hold them dear? Is it really a sin to want to escape from all of this, for just a moment?”

“I often dream of when I was younger. Before this war, before the Tragedy of Duscur. I…I wish life could be so simple again. I’m sorry, please ignore me…”

Extended Time Comments

“A gift? You’re truly a kind one, aren’t you?”

“My hands still shake after all these years. Is that a sign of weakness? Or a blessing that I’m not desensitized to killing…”

“My scar? Please, don’t worry. It aches when it’s particularly cold, but otherwise it doesn’t hurt me anymore.”

“Thank you, Professor, for all the faith you’ve shown in me. I’ll work hard so that I won’t let you down.”

End of Tea Party: “Thank you for inviting me. Peaceful moments like this are a blessing amidst all this chaos.”

Dining Hall (Pre-Timeskip)

Favorite Food: Shares many favorites with Ingrid, so if a food is her favorite it will most likely be his as well. Also loves sweets.

“This smells delicious! I can’t wait!”

“Oh, m-my favorite. Professor, thank you so much!”

With Dimitri (Before the fight in their support)

Ivan: “What do you think, Dimitri? This dish makes you feel good, doesn’t it?”

Dimitri: “Yes, I agree. It feels comforting, odd as that may sound.”

Ivan: “You better have seconds, then!”

With Dimitri (After the fight in their support)

Dimitri: “What do you think of the food, Ivan?”

Ivan: “It’s good.”

Dimitri: “Oh, that’s good…I’m glad…”

With Felix

Felix: “Why do I have to eat with you?”

Ivan: “Felix, don’t act like such a stranger! We always did so much together as children. Eating, playing, crying-”

Felix: “You better stop while you’re ahead.”

With Ingrid

Ivan: “Look, Ingrid, it’s another one of our favorites!”

Ingrid: “I know! I don’t think I ever realized how many favorite dishes we shared.”

Ivan: “And whose fault is that?”

With Sylvain

Sylvain: “Good food, good atmosphere. Now if only it was a lovely lady by my side.”

Ivan: “Am…Am I bad company, Sylvain?”

Sylvain: “What? Oh, no, no! I was just kidding, Ivan, I swear!”

With Mercedes

Mercedes: “Oh, Ivan, did the advice I give you before work out?”

Ivan: “Yes, thank you, Mercedes! I hope my healing will be more effective now. And I apologize for the trouble.”

Mercedes: “No trouble at all! I’m happy to see you grow! We’ll be quite the healing duo, won’t we?”

Dining Hall (Post-Timeskip)

“It smells so good. I’m more than ready for this.”

“…Did you pick my favorite on purpose, Professor? If so, thank you.”

With Dimitri

Ivan: “…I…I’ve missed eating with you, Brother.”

Dimitri: “…I’ve missed it too. Let’s try to eat together more, alright?”

Ivan: “Yes! We have several years to make up for, after all!”

With Felix

Felix: “Do you really have to sit with me so much during meals?”

Ivan: “If you hate it so much, why don’t you find another spot?”

Felix: “Hmph. Cheeky fool…”

With Ingrid

Ingrid: “I’m glad we can share meals together again, Ivan. I’ve missed it more than you realize!”

Ivan: “I’ve missed it too. Who else is going to be meal buddies with me?”

Ingrid: “Umm, please tell that’s not what you’re going to call us…”

With Sylvain

Ivan: “Sylvain? You’ve been staring for a while. You’re going to make me blush if you keep this up.”

Sylvain: “Will I? Ooh, it’s been a while since I’ve seen you go red! …Seriously though, don’t mind me. It’s just…been a while, Ivan.”

Ivan: “…I’ve missed eating with you too, Sylvain.”

With Mercedes

Mercedes: “It’s so lively eating with everyone else again, isn’t it, Ivan?”

Ivan: “I agree. Lots of noise and laughing. And I’ve missed discussing healing techniques with you, Mercedes.”

Mercedes: “Oh, I’ve missed that too! Let’s exchange notes after this, alright?”

Instruction (Pre-Timeskip)

Bad: “Ahh, I…I’m sorry…”

Good: “That wasn’t so bad.”

Great: “I understand…Let me review it once more.”

Perfect: “It’s all coming to me!”

(Praise): “Y-You’re too kind to me.”

(Console): “Th-thank you for your concern.”

(Scold): “…I’m sorry…”

Instruction (Post-Timeskip)

Bad: “I’m sorry about that…”

Good: “Alright, I’m doing better.”

Great: “I starting to understand. Let me review it.”

Perfect: “I get it now!”

(Praise): “Oh, umm, th-thank you.”

(Console): “Heh, come now, I’m no longer a child.”

(Scold): “…Sorry.”

Certification Exam

Pass: “Will I be of more use to everyone now?”

Fail (Pre-Timeskip): “Even after all that studying? I, ah…I’m sorry…”

Fail (Post-Timeskip): “Some things never change, I suppose…”

Class Mastery

“I’ll put this strength to good use. I promise.”

Group Tasks (Pre-Timeskip)

“I-I’ll do my best!”

(Perfect) “We did great, Professor! Ah, I mean, I didn’t mean to sound so shocked about that!”

(Good) “We finished the task. Though I fear I may have dragged us down…”

Weeding

With Dimitri (Before the fight in their support)

Ivan: “Umm, Brother? You…You were joking when you once told me about those edible weeds, right?”

Dimitri: “What? No, of course not! Here, come with me, I’ll point them out to you!

Ivan: “Dimitri…”

With Dimitri (After the fight in their support)

Dimitri: “There sure are a lot of weeds, aren’t there?”

Ivan: “Uh-huh.”

Dimitri: “…Ivan…”

With Felix

Ivan: “Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm~”

Felix: “How are you enjoying this?”

Ivan: “I’m not. I’m distracting myself.”

With Ingrid

Ingrid: “Ivan, I don’t mean to push, but could you hum for us? This task is dreadfully boring.”

Ivan: “You read my mind, Ingrid! One song, coming up.”

Ingrid: “Thank you!”

With Sylvain

Sylvain: “Ugh, weeding. I can think of at least a dozen things I’d rather do than weeding.”

Ivan: “Keep at it, Sylvain. So long as you concentrate, we’ll be done soon enough.”

Sylvain: “I know, I know…”

With Mercedes

Ivan: “Say, Mercedes. I have a question about the weeds around here.”

Mercedes: “Do you? Well, I’ll do my best to answer, if I can! What is it?”

Ivan: “Are they…? Actually, never mind. I think I would prefer to live in blissful ignorance.”

Stable Duty

With Dimitri (Before the fight in their support)

Dimitri: “Are you okay, Ivan? You can stay over there if you want, I can take care of this.”

Ivan: “No, I appreciate the thought. But…I must be brave. I must!”

Dimitri: “So long as you don’t push yourself.”

With Dimitri (After the fight in their support)

Dimitri: “Ivan. Are you-?”

Ivan: “I’m fine, Dimitri.”

Dimitri: “The way you’re shaking says otherwise.”

With Felix

Felix: “You’re still afraid of horses? After all this time?”

Ivan: “I-I’m working on getting over it, I swear!”

Felix: “You’ve been saying that for years…”

With Ingrid

Ingrid: “When we were younger, whenever I asked if you wanted to help me take care of my horse, you’d freeze in place. What made you so scared of them in the first place?”

Ivan: “Honestly, it’s been so long, I can’t remember anymore.”

Ingrid: “Hmm, how sad…Horses aren’t as bad as you think, you know.”

With Sylvain

Sylvain: “Alright, Ivan, my back is ready and here for you to hide behind!”

Ivan: “Sylvain…”

Sylvain: “Haha, sorry! But seriously, if you need a break, I’m right here, okay?”

With Mercedes

Mercedes: “Are you alright? You’ve been trembling for a while now.”

Ivan: “It’s pathetic…No matter how hard I try, I can never feel at ease around horses.”

Mercedes: “Oh my, I see. But please, don’t call yourself pathetic! We all have our fears.”

Sky Watch

With Dimitri (Before the fight in their support)

Ivan: “Brother…”

Dimitri: “Deep breaths, Ivan. The Pegasi at the monastery are tame and gentle, they won’t hurt you.”

Ivan: “My head knows that, but my heart doesn’t agree.”

With Dimitri (After the fight in their support)

Dimitri: “Ivan?”

Ivan: “I don’t want to talk right now.”

Dimitri: “I-I see.”

With Felix

Felix: “How long do you plan on staring at the ground? You have to keep your eyes ahead if you want to keep watch.”

Ivan: “Please don’t take this the wrong way, Felix, but can we not speak right now?”

Felix: “You’re ridiculous…”

With Ingrid

Ingrid: “You’ve been looking pale since we set off. Are you really that bad with Pegasi too?”

Ivan: “I know it’s pathetic, you don’t have to say anything.”

Ingrid: “Oh, I didn’t mean to imply that.”

With Sylvain

Sylvain: “Hmm, I guess I can see why Pegasi freak you out as much as horses do. I mean, Pegasi are basically horses with wings.”

Ivan: “Sylvain, please…”

Sylvain: “Hey, no need to glare like that! I’m shutting up now.”

With Mercedes

Ivan: “Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm~”

Mercedes: “Ivan, are you okay? Your humming sounds rather distressed.”

Ivan: “I’m okay! I swear, I’m okay!”

Perfect Result

With Dimitri (Before the fight in their support)

Dimitri: “We did well! Great work today, Ivan.”

Ivan: “Please, the credit should be all yours.”

With Dimitri (After the fight in their support)

Dimitri: “We did a great job together, didn’t we?”

Ivan: “…We did well, I suppose.”

With Felix

Felix: “Well, I guess that wasn’t so bad.”

Ivan: “You worked especially hard, Felix!”

With Ingrid

Ingrid: “The job’s done, Professor! You did a good job, Ivan.”

Ivan: “Not as good a job as you did, Ingrid.”

With Sylvain

Sylvain: “A perfect job! C’mon, Ivan, where’s my praise?

Ivan: “Yes, yes, you did a good job, my friend.”

With Mercedes

Mercedes: “It was a lot of hard work, but we’re done now!”

Ivan: “Thanks for all your help, Mercedes!”

Good Result

With Dimitri (Before the fight in their support)

Dimitri: “My, that was hard work. Are you alright, Ivan?”

Ivan: “I’m fine. Sorry if I was going too slow.”

With Dimitri (After the fight in their support)

Ivan: “The job’s done, Professor.”

Dimitri: “Yes, we…we worked hard.”

With Felix

Ivan: “That was a lot of work. I’m sorry if I dragged us down, Felix.”

Felix: “Always looking to blame yourself for something, aren’t you?”

With Ingrid

Ivan: “Thank you for all your help, Ingrid.”

Ingrid: “My thanks to you as well, Ivan!”

With Sylvain

Sylvain: “Finally! I thought we’d never be done!”

Ivan: “I hope it wasn’t my fault we took so long…”

With Mercedes

Mercedes: “I’m exhausted, but we did well, didn’t we, Ivan?”

Ivan: “I agree. Thank you, Mercedes.”

Group Tasks (Post-Timeskip)

“My, this brings back memories, doesn’t it?”

(Perfect) “I hope we met your expectations, Professor!”

(Good) “I hope we didn’t cause extra work for someone else.”

Clearing Rubble

With Dimitri

Dimitri: “There’s so much rubble around here. Forgive me for letting all of you deal with it by yourselves for so long.”

Ivan: “It’s alright, Brother…Just make sure to pull your weight from now on, alright?”

Dimitri: “I promise, I will.”

With Felix

Ivan: “Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm~”

Felix: “…Never thought I’d actually miss that.”

Ivan: “Huh? What did you say, Felix?”

With Ingrid

Ingrid: “So much rubble! It truly is a disaster.”

Ivan: “Hmm, hmm, hmm~”

Ingrid: “…Heh, well, at least one of us seems to be having fun.”

With Sylvain

Sylvain: “Good grief, every time we clear this area it’s like someone dumps another load of rubble just to spite us!”

Ivan: “The monastery did take a lot of damage over these past five years. Let’s work hard, okay?”

Sylvain: “I know…”

With Mercedes

Ivan: “Are you doing alright, Mercedes? If you need to take a break, feel free.”

Mercedes: “No, don’t mind me! It’s hard work but I’ve been training a lot these past five years!”

Ivan: “Haha, I see!”

Stable Duty

With Dimitri

Ivan: “…It’s not by much, but I think I’ve gotten a little more used to horses.”

Dimitri: “That’s wonderful, Ivan! You’ve grown so much while I wasn’t around. I’m proud of you.”

Ivan: “Th-that’s a little too much, don’t you think?”

With Felix

Felix: “Well, looks who’s not shaking like a newborn fawn.”

Ivan: “I’ve grown since you last saw me, Felix! I-Ah! S-stay away!”

Felix: “Hah…Well, at least he isn’t running away.”

With Ingrid

Ingrid: “I’m glad to see you’re a little calmer around horses now.”

Ivan: “Well, I can’t be a cowardly child forever, can I?”

Ingrid: “…You’ve worked hard, haven’t you?”

With Sylvain

Ivan: “I must tell you, Sylvain, you won’t see me cowering behind you anymore! I’ve gotten a little more used to horses now, so I-Ahh!”

Sylvain: “You sure you don’t wanna cower behind me?”

Ivan: “…P-please don’t tell anyone.”

With Mercedes

Mercedes: “Aww, these horses are rather sweet, aren’t they, Ivan?”

Ivan: “…Yes, I-I suppose they’re not so bad.”

Mercedes: “So long as you’re patient and gentle, I’m sure the day will come when they won’t scare you anymore.”

Sky Watch

With Dimitri

Ivan: “Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm~ Dimitri, you’ve been quiet for a while. Are you surprised to hear me humming?”

Dimitri: “I admit, seeing you at ease enough to hum atop a Pegasus is surprising. But…I was just focused on your voice. I’ve missed your music…”

Ivan: “…Then, what’s your request? I’ll perform for you later, like when we were children.”

With Felix

Felix: “You’ve finally calmed down around Pegasi, have you?”

Ivan: “Well, yes and no. I still feel terrible around them, but I’ve gotten better at pushing through regardless of my fear.”

Felix: “Hmm…Not bad, I guess.”

With Ingrid

Ivan: “Ingrid, what is it about Pegasi that make you like them so much?”

Ingrid: “Well, I’ve always adored horses, so I suppose loving Pegasi was just natural. I adore the feeling of flying beneath the blue skies, the wind whipping past. It’s exhilarating!”

Ivan: “I see…I guess that does sound interesting.”

With Sylvain

Sylvain: “Hey, Ivan, how’re you doing over there? Don’t panic now.”

Ivan: “Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm~”

Sylvain: “Heh, he’s in his own little world.”

With Mercedes

Mercedes: “Hmm, hmm, hmm~”

Ivan: “Your humming sounds nice, Mercedes.”

Mercedes: “Why, thank you! I can see why you enjoy humming so much. It’s so relaxing!”

Perfect Result

With Dimitri

Ivan: “Well done, Dimitri! We never would’ve finished as fast as we did without you.”

Dimitri: “You’re the one who deserves most of the credit, Ivan.”

With Felix

Felix: “I suppose there are worse partner to work beside.”

Ivan: “Why, that just may be the nicest thing you’ve said to me since we reunited.”

With Ingrid

Ingrid: “We managed to take care of everything. Thank you for all the help, Ivan!”

Ivan: “I’m glad to have been of service. Thank you as well, Ingrid!”

With Sylvain

Sylvain: “Whew! All in a day’s work, huh, Ivan?”

Ivan: “You worked hard, Sylvain. Good job.”

With Mercedes

Mercedes: “We did well today! It’s all thanks to you, Ivan!”

Ivan: “Oh please, you’re the one who deserves the praise, Mercedes.”

Good Result

With Dimitri

Ivan: “Alright, the job’s done. I didn’t hold you back, did I?”

Dimitri: “You could never hold me back.”

With Felix

Ivan: “Good work today, Felix! We had fun, didn’t we?”

Felix: “Are you honestly saying that with a straight face?”

With Ingrid

Ingrid: “That was exhausting, but we finished up, Professor.”

Ivan: “Thanks for all the help, Ingrid!”

With Sylvain

Sylvain: “We’re done! Man, that was such a pain!”

Ivan: “Was it really that bad? I thought we were doing well.”

With Mercedes

Ivan: “We’ve finished the job, Professor. I’m sorry it took so long.”

Mercedes: “My, I’m exhausted! I’m glad you were there to help out, Ivan.”

[toomanyhobbiesandthisisoneofthem]

I was a preemie, here’s how that affected me, part 2

THIS IS REALLY LONG, JUST KEEP THAT IN MIND

I am not a doctor or any other type of medical professional; a lot of this is just my opinion, and observations of things in my life. The rest is stuff I’ve read on the internet about this sort of thing. If you are interested/curious about what I talk about here after reading my post, feel free to research sensory processing/integration issues on your own time.

Because I was born three months premature, my nervous system wasn’t fully developed. When a baby is taken out of the womb early, everything develops more slowly. I’m not sure why that is, but that’s how it works. It’s common for preemies to have various issues during early childhood relating to the nervous system, which manifests as sensory problems because the brain is still learning how to properly process the sensations its receiving from the nerves.

These sensory issues pretty much resolved themselves once I was an older kid and my nervous system had finished developing. (I no longer freak out when the telephone rings, for instance) However, there are some symptoms which have lingered into adulthood, and some of them do actually affect my life, if only to a small degree.

I’ve also heard this type of thing referred to as Sensory Processing Disorder, or SPD. SPD-related symptoms are common among preemies (which I was/am) or with people on the autism-spectrum (which I am not). However, keep in mind that it is possible to have sensory integration/processing issues without either of these things “causing” it. In fact, I’ve found that most people have at least one or two things that bother them in this way, particularly as children. But having actual SPD mostly applies mainly if you have a significant number of symptoms and/or said symptoms really affect your daily life.

SPD is not considered an official medical diagnosis in and of itself, but it is an actual thing.

I would say I have something close to borderline SPD, because there are quite a few symptoms that I still exhibit, but their effect is not strong enough for me to think I might fully have SPD. Basically, I have SPD tendencies which are above average, but are probably below “diagnosis level” or whatever you want to call it.

Symptoms Mom says I exhibited when I was younger (like, two or three) include:

-Freaking out over sand (apparently I was able to feel every single grain, because my brain didn’t know it was supposed to process it as one sensation rather than many at once.)

-Freaking out when the telephone rang

-Literally climbing up my mother as fast as possible because I saw a leaf blowing across the yard

-Sudden loud noises in general, particularly balloons

-Balance problems (apparently I would randomly fall over sometimes, though this could also have been because i didn’t walk ‘til I was... two and a half or so?)

Symptoms I remember exhibiting once I was a little older (say, 6 or 7) include:

-hyperticklish

-I still hated balloons until I was like 9. Then my brother told me being afraid of noise was stupid and something about that actually clicked, and while I still don’t like balloons, I don’t scream and run away at the slightest indication that they might pop either.

-certain textures in foods bothered me; I remember my mom trying to make me eat certain things and she didn’t realize i was literally trying not to gag while eating it, haha.

-seeking out high-intensity experiences (this includes things like roller coasters. Now, I know it’s normal to like roller coasters, but when a kid likes roller coasters so much they will go on one roller coaster like ten times in a row, only to turn around and go on a different roller coaster ten times in a row, it’s possible that their desire for the thrill of the roller coaster is a little excessive. Even now I love roller coasters, but not with the same intensity where I’ll go on it over and over and over and over again. I might ride one three or four times in a row sometimes, but then I’ll go do something else.)

-I’ve always hated having my hands wet. Unless I’m swimming, but that’s like, the only exception. I like the smell of lotion, but when I use it, I put the tiniest drop possible on my hand because i hate the greasy, slippery feeling it gives me. And even then sometimes it’s too much and I end up trying to wipe my hands off.

Symptoms I still exhibit today include:

-hyperticklish (OH MY GOSH do not tickle me unless you know you have permission from me for it. I only let people tickle me if I trust them not to take it too far. My brothers are allowed to tickle me because they only do it a little bit at a time and recognize when I’m serious about stopping, so they actually make it fun. My nieces and nephews are amused at the fact that my knees are ticklish, and they are usually pretty gentle when we have tickle fights, so I’m okay with them. But I genuinely dread the day when some random person finds out I’m ticklish and decides to act on it, and I hope that day never comes. For a hyperticklish person, tickle fights can be genuinely unpleasant if they’re tickled to hard or too long. When someone so much as pokes me in the side, I literally feel the effects for several minutes afterwards, no exaggeration. Also, my brother is the only one allowed to scratch my back without prior instruction because he knows how hard to scratch without it tickling, haha.)

-going along with the hyperticklish thing, I tend to react very strongly to unexpected touches. Not because it tickles, it just makes me startle badly and I jolt and/or jump. Mom has actually mentioned before that having that kind of reaction usually indicates abuse, and I’m just sitting there like, “...Well I wasn’t ever abused so I really hope no one gets the wrong idea because I can’t help my sensory problems...” Yeah...

-I also still startle pretty strongly at loud noises. Now, I know it’s normal to startle at loud noises, but I startle even when no one else reacts. At all. So.

-honestly I just startle too easily in general, and it’s kind of annoying. :P

-there are still some food textures that bother me, but I’ve grown out of a lot of that. also, it’s possible some of the texture thing actually came from my dad, because he has problems with certain textures too.

-I. DETEST. PRUNY. FINGERS. It’s just... for some people with sensory issues, it is actually painful; that’s not the case with me, but having pruny fingers is really uncomfortable for me. In a non-painful manner. Especially when I go to touch stuff afterwards. The only thing I like touching after having my hands submersed in water for a few minutes is a towel. Touching anything else with pruny fingers just makes me cringe, especially touching my own skin. I will literally go to the point of wearing gloves when doing chores like peeling pears or washing dishes, because i do not want my fingers to prune.

-I actually still randomly fall over sometimes, but it’s pretty rare, and when it happens I am able to correct myself quickly enough that it doesn’t cause a problem. :P

-I don’t like being touched softly. It doesn’t even have to do with being tickled or anything, I just don’t like it when someone like gently touches my arm or brushes my back or something. If you’re gonna touch me, do it firmly. Be solid like a wall, not soft like a feather. :P

There are probably others I can think of, but those are the main ones. :P

If you’re curious about SPD in general, here’s a couple links to some websites that discuss it (idk how links work on here so I’m just gonna copy/paste and hope for the best):

https://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/

http://sinetwork.org/

[dysphoric-dumbass13]

All of them. Every single fall themed ask at once. Lets see how you like it. (love you)

Whatever. Something to do in bio. Love you too boo.

Lantern: (how did you meet your best friend?) I have three. For Evan, they said something about the flannel I was wearing. I didnt like them that much to start out, they were too bubbly for my taste. For TJ, I was friends with his best friend in 6th grade. She left and I didnt have any friends so J tried to become friends with him and Angel. I loved him, he was so sassy and cool. For Kass, the asshole who's making me do this, it was 6th grade science. I didn't know what to call them and spent the entire year trying to figure it out but being too afraid to ask. They were actually pretty cool. Idk what all of their initial opinions of me were.

Frost: (if you could give some advice to your younger self, what would you say?) Quit pretending you're an adult, itll just hurt you. Let yourself dress masculine, it's ok to do that. And it's ok to like girls like you do, dont be afraid to express yourself.

Maple: (is there a hobby/skill you've always wanted to try but never did?) Yeah, I always wanted to be on a little league football team when I was little.

Harvest: (what fictional character do you most identify with? Why?) Dean winchester. Because I am just..... basically him if he wasnt raised in an environment with toxic masculinity *cough cough* John *cough cough*

Fireside: (if you had your dream wardrobe, what would it look like?) Flannel, band tees, everything would be from the Mens section. Some binders for masculine and nb days and lots of mens skinny jeans. Also David Bowie Vans, pride converse, and combat boots.

Cider: (a food that you disliked as a child but now enjoy?) Idk. For a period of time I hated coffee, I dont mind it now.

Amber: (share an unpopular opinion that you may have.) Oof. Um, christians aren't necessarily bad, the ones we all know of are because they hide behind the bible to hate people.

Fog: (how well do you think you'd do in a zombie apocalypse scenario?) Either really well or terribly. I'd either let then get me, or wear a medieval suit of armor and just walk through everywhere boss mode. And Costco.

Jack-O-Lantern: (if you could look like any celebrity, who would you choose?) Ruby rose.

Spice: (have you ever encountered a house that you believed to be haunted?) Yes. Mine. Creepy baby handprints in the basement. In keeping the spirits occupied with my old Barbies.

Orchard: (share one thing you'd like to happen this autumn) Oh, that's hard. I think I'd want a partner so I dont go into winter depressed like I always do.

Crow: (which school subject do you have an aptitude for?) Math or English? Does choir count? Idk

Bonfire: (describe your dream house) Idc that much. As long as it has a library and multiple bedrooms, and the people I care about loving with me/nearby

Cinnamon: (if you had to live in a time period different than the present, which would you choose and where?) Either Ireland in the medieval times as a knight, or the 70s in Europe or the US.

Cranberry: (what is one physical feature you get complimented on?) Annoyingly, my boobs. Apparently they're big and nice, whatever. Recently, my hair though. I just cut it short.

Maize: (share the weirdest encounter you've had with a stranger on the street.) Last year, I was at the mall in a bathroom and an older woman (idk maybe 60?) came up to me and said "I'm either having a drink or I have to pee. You're living the golden years kid, not me." In hindsight I think she was just quoting John Mulaney at me, but it was weird to me when it happened.

Quilt: (how do you take your tea or coffee?) Tea, chai and Irish breakfast are my favorites, I really like green tea though. It has to be sweet though, I can't stand unsweetened tea (theres my mom's Texan coming out)

Pumpkin: (do you think that humans are inherently good or bad?) Neither, I think people are born blank slates and our experiences shape everything about us.

Moonlit: (are you a neat or messy person? Is your room/house orderly?) Hahahaha, what's a floor?

Flannel #1: (have you ever gone on a bad date?) No. I've only ever been on one date, and I thought it was pretty good. I dated one person who was an asshole but that's it.

Cocoa: (if you could have any type of hair, what color and cut would you have?) Probably my natural color (light brown, easiest to dye), cut short, but curly in texture instead of this wavyish shit.

Ghost: (is there someone that you miss having in your life?) Yeah. I mean she isn't dead, but my 6th grade best friend. I miss her.

Pumpkin spice: (what is your drink of choice?) Mt Dew, Dr. Pepper, or tea. But it has to be sweet.

Wool socks: (what is something you look forward to in fall?) If I lived anywhere but where I live this would work, my wardrobe is actually fitting for the type of weather. Coolish, with some breezes, and crisp. Warm sometimes. My flannel is great for that, but stupid Colorado snows nearly year round.

Falling leaves: (you're stranded on a desert island and here's the twist: what three things do you NOT bring with you?) A boat so I can live in solidarity, thank you very much, anyone that's homophobic, transphobic, antisemitic, racist, etc, and peanuts.

Smelly candles: (what's your absolute favorite scent?) Fredh baked apple pie 🤤

Big sweaters: (do you prefer the cold, warmth, or a perfect in-between?) I'm practically a living heater. So cold weather.

Halloween: (if you could dress up as anyone/anything and pull it off absolutely flawlessly, who/what would it be?) Idk if this counts, but whatever gender I currently identify with (nb, feminine, masculine, in between). If that doesn't, then Jensen Ackles.

Cozy blankets: (where do you feel the most safe and at home?) With TJ. He's my family.

Hot tea: (when was the last time you kissed someone?) July 21st at around.... 5 or 6am?

Flannel #2: (what's your favorite day of the year? Is there a reason it's your favorite?) I don't really have one.

Chilly air: (what's your least favorite and favorite type of weather?) Is it weird that snowing is both my favorite and least favorite type of weather depending on the time of year?

Scarves: (if you could only wear one outfit for the rest of your life, what would it be?) My pair of black ripped guys skinny jeand with my dark blue distressed flannel and my wolf shirt.

Apple cider: (if you could throw a party and invite absolutely anyone, who would they be?) All of my close friends, plus the one I haven't seen in forever that I miss too much, and Misha Collins.

Haunted houses: (what's your scariest memory?) It was a dream I had when I was 5 that I remember in perfect detail. When I find the time I texted it to Kass I'll make a post with a screenshot of it.

Fuzzy boots: (if you could live in any year/era, which would it be and why?) See cinnamon above

Thanksgiving: (what is someone/something that you're most grateful for? Any particular reason?) That's hard. Can I say my best friends? That's only 3 people. And because they're always there and care about me and I love them.

Black friday: (what is one thing, if anything, that you would sell your soul to own?) The rights to be the writer of a Supernatural sequel.

Apple picking: (if you could go anywhere, where would it be and why?) Ireland. Castles. About 60% of my heritage. Green.

Corn mazes: (do you have any secret talents/abilities?) Not secret ones

Hay rides: (if you could pick absolutely anything to be your form of transportation, what would it be?) A 1967 4-door black Chevrolet Impala. Obviously.

The color orange: (do you have a specific song that reminds you of autumn? What is it?) Yeah, a few. Sweater Weather by The Neighborhood, Trees by twenty one pilots, Smithereens by twenty one pilots, Californication by Red Hot Chili Peppers, Snow (Hey Oh) by Red Hot Chili Peppers, Blackbird by The Beatles, Perfect by Ed Sheeran, Castle On The Hill by Ed Sheeran, Heartbeat by Carrie Underwood, and What I Got by Sublime. To name a few.

Windy nights: (if you could go to any concert whose would it be?) Live Aid lmao. If they dont have to be alive then Queen, if they do then either Ed Sheeran, twenty one pilots, or Panic!

Holding hands: (do you believe in soulmates?) Kinda? I think I want to. I think you feel it at one point, if you meet someone you love that dearly. But idk, maybe I'm just being stupid.

Kass, thank you. And I hate you.

[moonstruck-ffxiv-blog]

LFRP - Celestin Bellerose on Mateus

the basics ––––

NAME:  Célestin Auguste Evaux Bellerose NICKNAME: Cel, Titi (he hates it), The Wilted Rose of Ishgard AGE:  46 summers old RACE:  Elezen, Duskwight GENDER:  M SEXUALITY:  Homosexual, asexual, aromatic. MARITAL STATUS:  Married SERVER:  Mateus TL;DR: The last of his bloodline, Celestin comes from a minor Ishgardian noble house. Detests politics, self-exiled from the Holy See. Loves knowledge. Hates people. Secretive and very dislikable. He is an airship engineer, serving on the Sky Fury, a pirate vessel. He is currently looking into a way to make a perpetual energy machine. Asocial, misanthropic, he is more a villain than a hero.

(Warning: long post)

physical––––

HAIR: Greasy blonde. EYES: Ruby red. SKIN: Ashy white. NAMEDAY: 15th Sun of the 6th Umbral Moon HEIGHT: 6’3’’ (193 cm) WEIGHT:  190 ponzes (Sickly frame) TATTOOS/SCARS: The scars he has around his testicles when he self-castrated himself, at the age of 19. He also has a long blemish around his stomach. It looks like a self-inflicted scalpel wound. DISTINGUISHING MARKS: He is a repulsive man. His traits seem they have melted on his face, they are sad and baggy. His skin is pallid: he has the complexion of a one-week-old cadaver that has been rotting in the Lominsa sun.  His hair is already starting to thin and that, in uneven patches. They are always greasy, limp, breaking, dull. His limbs are too long and too thin, his fingers are elongated and skeletal, his nails are yellowing. Really. A goobbue arse is more pleasant to look at than his face. COMMON ACCESSORIES: He's short-sighted so he never wanders far away without his glasses. He’s blind as a bat.

personal ––––

PROFESSION:  Engineer, alchemist, makeshift surgeon. HOBBIES:  Reading, genealogy, origami, currency collecting. LANGUAGES:  Eorzean common, Voidspeech (cannot speak but comprehend), old roegadyn, Mhachi, Allagan, some fundamental of Doman.   RESIDENCE: Mist BIRTHPLACE: Ishgard, Coerthas PATRON DEITY:  Atheist. Still, his Ishgardian upbringing could make Halone her patron deity. FEARS:  Failure, growing old especially getting senile, going blind, dying, getting irrational, falling in love. PERSONALITY: Celestin’s personality is as pleasant as rubbing sandpaper on one’s genitals. While he is polite, his tone is cold, bored and apathetic. He doesn’t care for Spokenkind interaction neither he seeks it. Every conversation serves a purpose. If he doesn’t, it is a chore and wishes to be done with it as soon as possible. OTHER: He has a permanent injury in his left leg that make him limp. He has to walk with a cane and he cannot run.

relationships ––––

SPOUSE:  Guolbryda/Guol Bryda, the captain of the pirate airship he’s serving on. While it is a sexless and loveless marriage, they did marry each other out of necessity, none of them plan to get a divorce. They are content with this union, has to present advantages. It is easier to pass the customs as a married couple. There is also the Eternal Ring, imbued with that Teleportation magic, that saved each other more than once.   CHILDREN:  None PARENTS:  Evaux Bellerose (deceased), his father. He died some years ago and with him, the noble name of Bellerose, as both of his sons are unavailable to take the mantle after he returned to the Life Stream. Celestin, in his diligence and seriousness, was his favorite child. Oh, how the Gods tormented him by making him his second born. Mariette Bellerose (71), née Sainte-Claire, his mother. The youngest of her sisters, she was from a minor noble family, with a status slightly better than her husband’s. After much cajoleries, she was married to Evaux Jr.; that was Evaux Senior last attempt to tried to salvage the Bellerose’s name. After the death of Aurèle, she sank into melancholy and depression.

SIBLINGS: Aurèle Bellerose (deceased), his older brother. Flamboyant, handsome and bold, he was everything Celestin never could be. Their fraternal love had a lot of friction, due to their parent’s pressure to “be what is asked you to be”. A harsh rivalry only kept growing with the years, fed with their conflicting personality.

Unable to bear with the politics of Ishgard and what his parents requested of him, Aurele committed suicide when Celestin was 18 summers old. He hanged himself to a spear of a Halonic statue, situated near the family’s favorite church -even in death, he kept his flair for the dramatic. The morning of that Iceday, while the community gathered to pray and praised Halone, the already cold body of Aurele was there to welcome them, slowly turning on its rope. All of his patriotic burden, the one that he needed to bring the family to great heights again, fell on his younger brother. Soon, Celestin understood what it meant to be Aurele and why he killed himself. The death of his sibling had a profound effect on him, realizing how fragile existence was. He keeps a portrait of his brother in his office, bringing the picture face down every time someone enters. GRANDPARENTS : (Father’s side) Evaux Bellerose Sr., Andrette Bellerose née Druirard. (Mother’s side) Auguste Sainte-Claire, Eldanne Sainte-Claire née Dupieu. OTHER RELATIVES:  Ashinne Berger née Ruinier, was Bellerose (43) his ex-wife. While Celestin was still in Ishgard, after the death of Aurele, one of the first things Evaux did was to find a woman to perpetuate the Bellerose’s name. The quite young Ashinne Ruinier (she was only 15 at that time), didn’t want to marry this ugly man, yet was forced to by her own family. She never bore him a child, as Celestin never slept in her bed once. After his disappearance and consequent declaration of his death by the Holy See, she remarried.

Fabienne Bellerose (29) His niece, only child of Aurele. She was only one summer old when her father died and she doesn’t remember him at all. She heard rumors her uncle could still be alive and that piqued her interest. Her only connection with the Bellerose part of herself was her mad grandmother and her brooding grandfather. At her age, she still hasn’t found a man. Nowadays, however, no one wants her. Not only she is “too old” by Ishgardian standard but she is also too weird.

PETS: B'zatr, an Ahriman. It’s more like of a minion than a pet: B'zatr takes care of all the heavy lifting, grunt work and whatever Celestin doesn’t want to do. It is also a garbage disposal, making everything compromising disappear in a jiffy. It serves him, as a slave to its master, no love or true loyalty behind its actions. One day, however, one day that Ahriman will be the master. It's only buying its time.

skills––––

IN-CHARACTER CLASS: Black Mage. READ: Yes WRITE: Yes COUNT: Yes

additional information ––––

SMOKING HABIT: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess. DRUGS: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess. ALCOHOL: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess FAVORITE COLORS: Dalamud red, royal blue, deepwood green, grey FAVORITE SMELLS: Ink, musty book, rust, motor’s grease FAVORITE TEXTURES: Metal, velvet FAVORITE FOODS: Ishgardian muffins, royal eggs, marrons glacés FAVORITE DRINKS: Black tea, red wine, hot cocoa

possible hooks ––––

“The dollmaster” Celestin does a lot of experimentation on corpses, Ashkin, Beastmen and Voidsents alike. Your OC could be the result of such scientific endeavor. The exact point of they are, is up in the air: Homonculus, golem, reanimated body, Voidsent chimera… however, now Frankenstein has a monster to call him his own. How is their relationship? Will the creature rebelled against its master?

“The teacher:” He could either be an engineering teacher, an alchemist teacher or a black mage teacher… if your character is nosy enough to find he owns a soul stone.  

“A fellow scientist”: Your character could be one of Celestin’s correspondent; he writes a lot of letters to different arcanists, biologists, surgeons,... he is interested in all types of science.

“The Void and forbidden knowledge.” Being a lore-seeker above all else, any ancient magic or musty old books will light that oh-very-rare glow of interest in his eyes.

“Oh, this is quite fascinating”: If your character has anything to do with the Void or Allagan, Celestin will want to know more about him/her.. and probably will want to perform a vivisection.

“I heard about an airship? What’s the name? The… Sky Fury?” While he is not the captain, he is still an officer aboard the airship. Trusted by Guol, he can carry on interviews and recruit new members.

ooc stuff––––

What I am looking for ✔Pre-established relationships ✔Dark, philosophical, mature plotlines. ✔Horror ✔Meeting other villains, doing character studies ✔Enigmas ✔RPing about/into the Mhach raids, Azys Lla, Alexander and Coils of Bahamut raid ✔Nerd talks. ✔IC mind games ✔Voidsent, Voidtainted, Nightkins, Black mages ✔ Having student(s) ICly

What I am not looking for ✘Godmode, metagaming I don’t have the interest to have the freedom of my character rob from me, neither I want to deal with OOC knowledge seeping ICly. ✘ Shipping & ERP Celestin is aromatic and asexual, I would appreciate if you could respect that about the character. ✘ No permanent maiming/death we didn’t first spoke and agree about it. I’m not completely closed to the option but let’s talk first. ✘OOC drama & toxicity Naturally. ✘ Grimdark for the sake of being grimdark Being dark must mean something, it must bring something on the table. I don’t want to murder thousands of children and wear their corpse as clothing, only to congratulate myself because “ Wow I’m so edgy and deep.” ✘ Fluff and slice-of-life This character is profoundly misadapted for that kind of plotlines.

Ask me about ✣ Kidnapping & long-terms imprisonments It’s a maybe. Celestin is far from being a defenseless being and taking him down, if cornered, will be a difficult task. ✣Long-term RP I don’t have much time for it, I prefer one-shot, short-termed or medium-termed. For me to want a long-term, I need a really good story and a good friend. Throw ideas at me!

☛If you are uncomfortable with body horror, gore and inhuman experimentations, Celestin is not a good match for you. ☛ The character is pretty inflexible, it’s his way or nothing. If it’s something you cannot deal with, I do have friendlier characters. (Ezrien and Ephraim are both good examples.) ☛ He is ICly a black mage, if you don’t like that, I do have more lore-abiding characters. (Narcisse, Medekhgui, Frydhaerz, Rhetizwyn.)

Disponibilities ➧EST ➧Weekday: Evenings (7h30 PM ~ 11 PM) ➧Saturday: Day & evening

I can RP... ➧In-game (favorite way to do it). ➧Discord I'm not going to display my Discord tag publicly so you will have to send me a DM to get a hold of it.

Send me a DM if interested! Thanks for reading all of this!