#i also really liked jimmy's :) silly man | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

trendywaifus · 2 months ago

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↳ you know you’re better than this.

featuring — anya x gn! reader (mouthwashing)

no, i don’t write for mouthwashing, there’s just not any anya content.

cw: dark themes, mentions of sexual abuse, abuse, mentions of pregnancy, vomiting, blood, implications of suicide, character deaths, controlling behavior, triggering themes, angst, panic attack, reader is fresh out of medical school, barely hurt and comfort

6 weeks before the crash.

“ guess who~? “

you croon, playfully hovering your hands over the onyx haired woman’s eyes as you snuck up behind her in the med room. anya was standing in front of the sink, quietly washing her hands. a soft giggle rolls off her smiling lips, body language relaxed,

“ hmm, daisuke?”

you snicker, “ i didn’t know i was a silly boy.”

anya hums thoughtfully while the faucet still runs and her hands soaking wet. “ captain? “

“ yes it is i, the big softie blond with curls! “ you proclaimed, goofily deepening your voice to make the voice of the captain, curly. if curly was here, he definitely would of made fun of your half-baked impression of him. anya lets out a bubbly laugh that makes the corner of your lips curl upwards even more. you fight the urge to hug her from behind and squeeze her silly from how wondrous she is. to think you get to be on a space trip with the woman you love and admire deeply makes you wanna float through the endlessly sea of stars and wonder.

“ now that I guessed you right, can i finish washing my hands and greet my lover properly? “ anya asks in a jovial tone.

“ mhmm~ “ you removed your hands away from her eyes and backed off so she can finish washing her hands. it takes a few moments for anya to finish. she turns the faucet off, grabs a paper towel from the dispenser, and wipes her hands off. after throwing the crumbled paper towel in the small bin, she turns around to finally face you. despite her hues resembling a gloomy grey, they brighten as they drink you in. anya immediately seeks for you, wrapping her arms around your frame and gently brushes up against you. you gladly reciprocate the loving gesture, running a delicate up her back and let it rest on her upper back.

“ so, how’s evaluations going three months in? “ you asked, pressing a quick kiss to her brow, “ has the others evaluations been okay? no crazy confessions yet right? “ you inquired with a teasing voice. anya is far experienced in psychology than you are so you leave the evaluations to her. and because anya’s more outgoing and hands-on, you felt like anya’s more capable of taking on medic role. you were luckily squeezed on this ship as a last minute intern similar to daisuke for the experience. six people on a four-man ship is so far quite the experience. you try not to get in the way of the others and besides anya, you mostly interact with curly and daisuke.

anya pauses, recalling her memories from the monthly evaluations.

“ hm. .—oh! daisuke. .a very bright and funny boy that really puts himself out there. he inspires me to be more optimistic. ugh, he’s also disgustingly lucky when it comes to those board games we play. “ her lips ball up in a cute pout, you laugh, “

“ stop saying he’s lucky, anya. you’re just being a sore loser. just accept that he’s better than you at board games! “

anya playfully rolls her eyes, “ oh hush. don’t tell me you’re on his side. “

you smirked, “ i’m on your side, beautiful—buttt i’m still gonna hand you the truth. lovingly. “

anya tells you about the other three evaluations, curly, swansea, and jimmy. her voice is light-hearted when she talks about curly. she describes him as being kind but a bit reserved. he never talks much about himself. everyone has their own story and perhaps even some like him chooses to not tell his as it’s locked away behind the fleshy walls of his bleeding heart. when anya got to swansea, her tone is the same but it’s dampens a bit; melancholic. she describes the crude mechanic as a man who’s been through a lot in life and still lives on despite his struggles. despite how rough he acts, there’s something about him that makes you feel sorry for him. there’s a sort of loneliness that clings to him like the fresh scent of dry balls after drying your clothes in a dryer. however, you can tell that daisuke’s light is smearing onto the much older man’s demeanor. he’s a little more livelier, although very rough on the edges—swansea expresses his care for daisuke in a tough love kinda way.

when anya finally gets to the gruff brunette man, the atmosphere shifts. her words holds a certain weight to them that makes you feel slightly uncomfortable. her voice is meek and reluctant as she talks about his recent evaluation. you pick up on anya’s careful wording and brief pauses during it. she rests her cheek against your shoulder, holding you visibly tighter as if she’s trying to ground herself through you. anya says that he doesn’t really take his evaluation seriously and makes particularly sarcastic comments at her. great. you don’t like jimmy because there’s something about him that rubs you the wrong way. was it that permanent mean look on his face? that judgmental look in his hooded, brown eyes whenever he passes by you in the hallways? what could have you possibly done to him to make him look at you like that? you don’t really talk to him and care more for curly. he is the leader and main pilot after all.

“ . .if he’s making you uncomfortable, i can do his evaluations for you. psychological evaluations require a one on one session and i can do it while you’re outside of the door.” you mutter, rubbing loose circles into anya’s back.

your lover stays silent for a moment. “ . . .no, i can handle it. but, you standing behind the door instead puts me a little more at ease though, haha. “

“ of course. anya, look at me. “ and she does, pulling her head away to peer at you with those pretty, upturned eyes of hers. a tender palm cups her cheek. anya’s skin feels warm and soft to the touch. “ if anything happens, you’ll tell me right? i may only be the intern but i will absolutely raise hell for you. “

anya smiles at you warmly at you, grayish eyes twinkling with endearment. she leans in and kisses your lips. “ i prefer that you not to because i’d hate for you to get booted into space by the crew. “ she remarks jokingly in between brief kisses.

“ hmm. “ you bring your lips to the bridge of her nose, under the tender flesh of her eye, everywhere until she’s a smiling mess. “ we’ll have to see about that. “

5 weeks before the crash.

restless, you exhale as you blankly stare at the white ceiling. due to anya’s head laying on your chest and her body nuzzled against your side, you can hardly change positions or get up, really. you don’t want to wake her up either.

“ can’t sleep? “ she whispers out gently, her hand that was intertwined with yours, lightly squeezed.

“ mmm, not really. did i wake you up with my defeated sighs, anya? “

“ . . kinda. but i’m use to this by now since this is a habit you like to do when you can’t sleep, (name).”you can hear the fond smile in her voice. after two years of dating, anya’s able to read and soak up your habits. she’s so attentive to your mannerisms, knows when you’re apprehensive by the twitching of your fingers and eyes. she knows when you’re happy, sad—it’s quite ridiculous how could someone so knowledgeable like her is struggling to get accepted to med school several times while it only took you once to get in. you’re not a registered nurse prior to getting into med school or anything like that. yes, you worked really hard—but lets admit it; you were just simply lucky to get in. lucky and currently hundred thousand dollars in debt after finishing.

“ i’ll let you sleep. i think i will just sneak into med bay to finish reading the social animal. i wanna be good at psychology as my awesome, future wife is.” you asked, pressing a chaste kiss on her temple.

anya laughs sleepily, “ oh, stop it. you’re not going to fall asleep in there, are you? “

“ of course not! i’ll come back to you once i’m feeling tired. but, if you miss me or have a nightmare, you know where to find me~ “

she removes her head off your chest and breaks away from you with a soft pout. “ i suppose so. “

you get up from the bed and dipped down to kiss the tip of her pretty roman nose. “ buh bye for now, beautiful. ” you coo, adjusting the blanket back over her body.

“ see you, hun. “

you slip on your slippers and walked out of your shared cabin. besides the sound of the low humming noise of the ship, silence fills the void of the still atmosphere. it’s surprisingly chilly as you exit the sleeping quarters and walk through the narrow-like hallways to medical. your footsteps softly bounces throughout the metal walls and your distorted shadow follows behinds you. there’s a churning feeling in your gut as you walk and walk. was it really okay to skip off to medical at the middle of “night” just to read? wouldn’t it have suffice to simply stay and talk to anya until you were able to fall asleep?

your eye twitch and your fingers curl ever so slightly.

should you just go back to her?

“ hey, you’re still “up.”

a rough voice calls out, ripping you away from your thoughts. you stop walking. your eyes wander over to the source and a shiver runs down your spine. jimmy, still in his jumpsuit, stands by the hallway leading to the cockpit. there’s a sense of uneasiness in the air as his quiet gaze lingers on you, waiting for your response.

“ yeah, can’t sleep. “ you say in a deadpan voice, “ what about you? “

jimmy runs his fingers through his tousled chocolate locks before shrugging. “ same as you. but i’m just taking a aimless stroll. where you headin’ to? “

none of your business.

“ medical. “

there’s something in his eyes that visibly changes; a taunting glint that has you side-eyeing him. a corner of his thin lips curl into a subtle, smug smirk.

“ you’re a little ways to go, dr. intern. “

you roll your eyes and start walking pass him, “ i know. at least i know where to go, mr. co pilot. “

jimmy clicks his tongue behind you, muttering something under his breath before his footsteps become distant in your ears. you turn your head, throwing a quick glance over your shoulder. you see his tall silhouette walking down the direction towards the sleeping quarters. “ smug fuck, i hope you sleep like shit tonight. “ you murmur, trying your best to ignore the sinking feeling in your tummy.

with a tired sigh, you slumped in the chair, turning one of many pages you gone through. the ticking clock in the background occasionally hits your ears as your fingers lazily drum against the pristine white surface of the desk. your droopy (e/c) eyes skim across a quote that leaves the remainder of your conscious mind wondering.

reason and emotion are not separate and opposed. reason is nestled upon emotion and dependent upon it. emotion assigns value to things, and reason can only make choices on the basis of those valuations. the human mind can be pragmatic because deep down it is romantic.

“is it wrong to use only reasoning to make a decision devoid of emotion . .? or is it actually wrong to let your emotions influence your decisions and reasoning? ” you sleepily muse to yourself.

oh, being human is so complicated.

your head perk up at the medbay door sliding open. surprise is written all over your face once you see a seemingly shaken up anya walking inside. her arms are tucked to her chest, hands clutching her elbows.“ anya? it’s only been. .two hours? you had a nightmare already? “ you asked worriedly, standing up from the desk to make your way over to her.

“ i. .y-yes, it was t-terrible. .” anya whispers in a quivering voice. her head is down, avoiding eye contact. you try to grasp her elbow and lure her into your arms but she violently flinches from your touch.

pulling away quickly, your face contorts into a look of worry. “ baby? “

teary-eyed, anya quickly lifts up her head, mustering a shaky smile. “ oh dear, i-i’m sorry. i-i’m just still quite shaken up from the nightmare, h-haha. i need a minute or so to recoup myself. can i stay here with you? “ anya sometimes get nightmares but it was only due to stress. she never had a nightmare that got her like this.

“ . .of course. you don’t even have to ask. here, you can sit on one of those beds. “ carefully, you ghost your hand over the small of her back as you guide her to a bed. she quietly sits down with a soft sniffle and you follow suit. your heart squeezes at the sound of her soft hiccups and the sight of her head down. you can hardly see her face due to her saber strands hanging down. “ can. .is it safe for me to have my arm around you? “

she meekly bobs her head and you delicately curl an arm around her, taking note of her body momentarily stiffening up before gradually relaxing. “ do you want to talk about your nightmare? “

it takes her a moment to reply. “ . . no. i don’t really remember much of it now anyways. “

you frown, leaving it at that despite wanting to push for more. anya always remember her nightmares. there’s something that’s eating away at your gut and it’s making you anxious. you gnaw at your lip and your eyes twitch. you should be focusing on her. whatever you’re feeling right now is the result of your overthinking. you should trust her. it was just a rare, horrible nightmare that gotten her like this.

things can happen unexpectedly without an explanation.

perhaps you shouldn’t push for an answer and leave it alone?

1 week before the crash.

“ hah! i win! in your face! “ daisuke laughs in triumphant, placing his pink piece over on the next move that solidifies his victory. anya groans loudly next to you, crossing her arms and pouts like a kid who gotten their toy taken away. “ this is unbelievable! i almost had it! “

you laughed, “ better luck next time, anya. it seems like the kid has a brighter future than you when it comes to board games! “

ever since that night, anya’s been uncharacteristically a little distant and jumpy. she’d always seek for your touch. but now, she seems reluctant to touch you first. whenever you try to show anya any kind of affection, it takes her a moment to reciprocate. you can’t really surprise her now or she’ll get visibly startled. anya has trouble sleeping and wakes up from the any sound or movement so you have to be still. for the past four weeks, you tried to ask her about her abnormal behavior, and she’d tell you vague reasons like, “ i just haven’t been feeling well. “ or “ that nightmare got to me more than i thought, i’m sorry. “

you’re worried about her—even her smiles are dampened with a sliver of sadness behind them. you really want to help but you don’t know how. it feels like she’s slowly putting a wall between you, her, and her true feelings. at least right now she’s like her old self again. you’re glad.

“ hey guys. having fun in here, huh? “ curly and jimmy walks inside the lounge. the blond waves at the three of you with a welcoming smile while jimmy awkwardly stood behind him.

“ yeah! i was able to beat anya this time! isn’t that right, anya? “

“ mhm, but as usual, it was luck. “ anya says softly, her voice lacking the enthusiasm as it did before. she tucks her arms into her chest. you flash her a look of concern. there it is again, the churning feeling in your belly. why did her mood sour like that? was it because of curly and jimmy’s arrival? your eyes travel back to the two men, quietly observing them. curly ruffles daisuke’s hair as he stood behind the couch daisuke is sitting on. he’s completely focused on talking to daisuke. your gaze transition over to jimmy and his eyes meet with yours.

that same glint he had in his eyes a few weeks ago, has you feeling more than uneasy. then, your mind suddenly flashes back to the subtle smirk he had and him walking back to the direction of the sleeping quarters. not too long after him going over there and you lounging in medbay, anya joins you, trembling and barely wanting you to touch her. you thought about her saying it was a bad nightmare and didn’t remember enough to tell you the details of it. like what you thought about before, anya always remembers her nightmares and only gets them due to stress.

the horrible realization starts to sink in and your heart drops to the very pits of your stomach. it drowns in a sea of dread.

oh god, did he go to her while you were. . .?

you feel sick. why did you ignore that gut feeling in your stomach during your walk to medbay back then? why didn’t you stay with anya? why did you just figure this out now?

you stand up unexpectedly, startling everyone.

“ (name)? what’s the matter? “ anya asks with clear worry. throat dry, you gathered up the strength to cast her a assuring smile that doesn’t reach your eyes in which she notices right away.

“ i. .i need to go to the restroom. i’ll be back everyone. . “

you quickly slide the bathroom door behind you. unable to hold your own weight anymore, you fall to your knees. there’s a suffocating feeling in your chest that’s causing your breathing to become uneven. your mind races back to the evaluations and how uncomfortable anya looked every time she had to do jimmy’s. yes, you stood behind the door to provide her some “security” in the recent weekly evaluations, but god, you actually let her be in the same room alone with this man? her assaulter? you did basically nothing but blindly trusted her words and ignored your intuition.

maybe anya didn’t want to tell you because she knew that you’d make a big uproar out of it, thus making the situation possibly even worse?

or maybe she was afraid you’d look at her differently?

. . .or maybe jim threatened her to not tell the crew?

t r u s t

she kept this in all this time and gave these inconsistent reasons that you knew was out of character for her to make up. . and yet. .you ignored the obvious signals and trusted her anyway. all you had to do was listen to your gut feeling and sit down with her to talk. all you had to say was that you were there for her and you’ll listen to anything she has to say if she wants to talk. you’d do anything for her—anything. even if it meant the cost of your internship which matters practically nothing to you. it’s not like the company was worth shit anyways. what fucking company doesn’t implement locks on doors in rooms where their own employees sleep in? what company just allows someone like him in?

tears bubble in your eyes as you grit your teeth, seething in frustration. you bite down on your bottom until the thin layer skin easily rips and starts to bleed. you bawl your hands into tight fists, nails dig into your palm until moon crescents dig into the flesh. you’re so horrible.

you feel so sick.

this is what she must of felt but much much worse.

you can’t even imagine how she had to process what happened all alone in the dark and walk through the long corridors in dead silence just to get to medbay, to you. you can’t imagine how it feels to hide something so traumatic from everyone while gathering up your broken shards of identity in silence. you don’t blame her—you can never blame her from hiding what happened between her and jimmy. you can only blame yourself for being ignorant and not fully realizing how dangerous he truly is.

your stomach turns upside down and you feel the sudden need to vomit. you scrambled over to the toilet and puke your guts out. series of fat tears roll down your cheeks.

“ ugh. .” you coughed hoarsely, hunched over.

you feel sick. you feel sick. you feel sick. you feel sick. you feel sick—

a few firm knocks on the bathroom door made you freeze.

anya’s concerned voice calls out behind the bathroom door. “ (name), are you alright? are you feeling well? “

you couldn’t even respond properly without hacking which gave yourself away immediately. alerted by your excessive coughing, she successfully slides the door open and rushes inside to your aid.

you never locked the door behind you, did you?

“ i’m here, (name). please, let it all out. “ anya rubs your back soothingly, not bothered by the drool and vomit spilling from your lips. you feel embarrassed under the worried, gentle gaze of anya. she whispers comforting words as you finishing vomiting. she grabs some paper towels and silently offers to wipe your face. you shake your head and gingerly take the towels from her hands and do it yourself.

anya opens her mouth to speak but you interrupt her.

“ it’s funny, “ you half laughed and sobbed, “ how you were able to come in so quickly just as i realized the door wasn’t locked. “

anya’s eyes widen with shock and looks as if she was about to burst into tears.

1 month after the crash.

“ anya, sweetheart? “ you gently call out to her before resting a hand on anya’s shoulder as stood by the sink, soaking curly’s bandages with soap and water. the fresh bandages are slowly starting to run out because of curly’s nonstop bleeding. you and anya both agreed to clean and reuse the bandages after one use to maintain the supply.

she still slightly jumps and turns her head around with a soft smile. “a-ah! s-sorry, (name). what’s wrong? “

“ let me clean the bandages and give captain his meds. you’ve been standing there for the past forty minutes. sit out in the lounge, okay? after watching you the first few times, i know what to do. “

a look of uncertainty dwells on her face as she ponders over your words. gingerly, you place a hand over her stomach. “ please, anya? i’ve seen how uncomfortable you look when you do this for him, you don’t have to hide it from me because i’m your lover. we’ve talked about this. i’ll do anything i can to shoulder your burden and make sure that you’re not pushing your body. “

anya’s grey hues flicker with appreciation and a twinge of guilt. “ okay, i’ll go sit down. if you need me, please holler out. i-i hate to make you do this after—“

“ anya. “ you interrupt her, reaching out to cradle her pale cheeks. they feel warm under your palms. your gaze pools into her own. “ anything. “ you whisper, resting your forehead against hers. anya’s lips pursue in a thin line. you know she wants to object but she swallows her words without anything to wash it down with, leaving behind a bitter taste. you lift your chin to press a lingering kiss to anya’s forehead.

tentatively, anya walks out of the medical, leaving you and a shell of a man in the room alone. a deep sigh runs past your lips and you go over to the half–foamed up desk to quietly grab a bottle of pain meds. “ captain. “ you mutter, walking over to the bed where he permanently lays. what a pitiful sight to witness. curly resembles a meat bag, his limbs left horribly mutated and amputated, his once tan skin is now all gone and long burned off. he’s stripped from his protection and only his vulnerable muscles are exposed. his only eye, wide and blue, stares up at you. you stare back blankly. through a singular sea of blue, you see a mass of fear, pain, and most of all, regret.

“ i don’t hate you, captain, “ you pop the bottle open. “ i’m sure anya doesn’t either. well, anya wouldn’t bring herself to hate you even if she wanted to anyways. “

he doesn’t respond but his permanent wide–eyed gaze continues to stare you down.

“ i’ll give you 5mg of oxycodone before i do your bandages. i’ll give you your second dose afterwards.”

you shake out two pills from the bottle. “ . . .all of this isn’t really your fault. misguided karma can be cruel. however, “ you slowly opened his jaw, the slimy sound of his muscles moving against each other makes you cringe. you see why anya can get more nauseated off of this. “ misplaced trust in a bitter person who’s undeserving of trust in the first place is what gets someone like you in a position like this. “

you hold his jaw, his exposed, irritated muscles twitch erratically against your protective layer of skin. your stomach swirls with a sinking feeling. curly starts to breath heavily, his pupil dilates. you hold one pill between your index finger and thumb. hot tears prickle at the corner of your twitching eyes as a shaky grin stretches across your face, and a bead of sweat rolls down your brow. you feel sick to the utter depths of your stomach.

“ don’t struggle , yeah? “

this wasn’t your worst moment right , curly?

0 days before the crash.

“ curly, fuck, where did he walk away to? “ you stopped curly in the middle corridors, pulling him back by his broad shoulder with a firm hand. curly, who’s face is full of panic and confusion, frantically responds back. “ i-i don’t know but i’m going to go find him to try and talk—“

“ i-i’m sorry, talk? this goes beyond talking at this fucking point! that fucking dog assaulted anya and she’s pregnant! “ you spat, heart full of frustration, “ do you think talking to her assaulter is going to fix shit? do you think doing the bare minimum is going to take back what she went through?! “

he runs a trembling hand through his blond curls. “ i-i understand but—fuck, let me just try—and—and, “

your hand drops to your side and you send him a look of utter disappointment. “ un—fucking—believable. how many times did anya tell you about jimmy? did you know about his shitty behavior even before she got pregnant? assaulted? she doesn’t want to tell me the answer so i’m fucking asking you! “

he stays slient, the guilty expression dawning on his face says it all.

“ . .what a great leader you are, captain. “ you growled, “ allowing that shitty friend of yours to ride this ship and you do barely nothing until the situation blows up in your face. this is what happens when you let your personal emotions dilute your judgment and reason as a leader. this is the outcome. the crew is my responsibility, my ass. if i had it my way, i would of shoved his ass in the cryo pod the second i’ve found out. but alas, i’m not the fucking leader but a damn intern. i held it allll in for a week for this shit? just imagine how anya felt to endure the awful trauma longer than that only for you, the captain, the only person with power, to handle it so horribly. fool.”you turn your heels and stomping back to medical for anya.

4 months after the crash.

“ daisuke. . kiddo, “ you gently call out to him as you find him somberly laying on his back next to the area leading to the cargo. his forearm rests over his eyes.

“ you okay? “

“ no, not really. .it’s just. .i wonder what my mother thinks right now. .she’s probably thinking i’m finally putting my feet into the water, finally learning and figuring out what i should to do in life during this internship. .meanwhile i’m on my back getting wasted off of. .mouthwash. ”

you sit down next to him. you thought about what to say for a prolonged moment before asking him,

“ before all of this, did you enjoy the internship? “

“ i. . .i did. .i was having fun . .with swansea, anya, you, a-and . . “

daisuke lets out a soft sniffle, you just smile solemnly.

“ don’t cry, sunshine. as long as you enjoyed yourself, that’s all that matters. even in the predicament we’re in now. .let’s have hope. once all of this is over, your mother will be proud that you got through this internship and you should tell her allll about what you did and learned with the ol’ man swansea. that man is a hot mess but i know he enjoys you as his intern.”

“ . . .really? “ he meekly asks, peeking at you from under his forearm with teary eyes. god, daisuke looks like a sad puppy.

“ of course, kiddo. “ you force out a happy laugh to appease him. you hate to lie to him but as long as jimmy is attempting to play captain, the situation will continue to spiral down into the abyss. you know with absolute certainty that jimmy was the one who caused the ship to crash. the fact that man pinned the blame on his close friend, who was trying to see good in him, for crashing the ship is beyond disgusting. judging from curly’s recent evaluation from anya before the crash, he did seem a little melancholic. but, for him to drastically make a reckless decision to sabotage the ship and everyone in it? he wouldn’t do that even if it was on his mind. jimmy on the other hand. .

“ oh. .it seems like you beat me to him. is he alright?”anya’s relieved voice rings in your ears. you draw your attention over to your partner who’s walking down the corridor towards you and daisuke. she uncrosses her arms that was once tucked to her chest and you raise a brow.

“ yeah, just a little sad but i was talking to him. how’d you know he was here? “

her gaze averts to the ground and you jump up, anger bubbles in your chest. “ jimmy, wasn’t it? what did he do? he didn’t hurt or yell at you or anything, did he? “

you pace over to her and rest your hands on her shoulders. “ no, no—seriously, i’m okay. . he sent me here to check on daisuke while he took care of some things. i was just surprised you were here. “ it had to be more then that.

sighing heavily, you turn back to daisuke who was now attempting to get back on his feet. “ daisuke, be careful. .has swansea been making you drink that mouthwash stuff again with him? “ you questioned skeptically, walking over to him to assist him back on his feet. wobbling, the brunette boy softly groans as you let him rest his arm loosely around your shoulders for support.

“. .no. .yeah. . i. .may. .kinda, totally have went overboard with it this time. b-but i gave it to jimmy because i didn’t wanna mess with it anymore. “

aggravated, you smack your teeth, “ so you’re saying that he saw you like that and didn’t even bother to help you up himself and sends anya down here instead? i’m so sick of his shit! some fuckin’ wannabe captain he is! you could of threw up and choked on your own damn vomit! that careless fucker knew that! “

“ you’re starting to sound like swansea. “ daisuke mutters through his drunken haze.

anya speaks up in a soft voice that’s mean to calm you. “ (name), you have to calm down. i understand that you’re upset. .but we need to rest daisuke down somewhere in the lounge. “

your eye twitch and your lips purse. she was right. plus, you don’t want daisuke to hear all of this while he’s struggling with his own inner conflicts. even the effects of the dire situation is dawning down on him and taking a toll on his mental health.

but fuck, you’re tired of being quiet.

d o s o m e t h i n g

? ? ¿ ! months before the ????

you can’t sleep. a soft sigh leaves your lips. anya’s body lightly stirs besides you. you don’t want to leave her but it’d be right to check up on curly to see if he needs his meds. there’s no time clock but curly’s groaning and restlessness indicates you that it’s time for his painkillers. if he is in pain, you’ll just give him his meds and come back to anya. it’s been a straight shot to the medical room ever since the crash. the foam has completely fucked up the sleeping quarters. . maybe it’s for the better or worse now. everyone is bunched together in the lounge room with extra sleeping beds from the medical. luckily, there hasn’t been any problems amongst the crew and it’s easier to keep in eye on jimmy.

“ anya, “ you whispered out to her. she lays on her left side, facing you. pieces of her shaggy hair prettily hovers over her tired eyes as they fluttered open. “ yeah? “ she responds back, you send her a small smile, reaching out to brush the strands away from her face.

“ i’m going to go check up on captain in the medical. i’ll. .be back, okay? if this dumb thing goes off, “ you gesture to the broken robot standing an inch away from you and anya’s sleeping bags. thankfully it’s able to go off, albeit broken thanks to jimmy. originally, anya suggested the idea and you couldn’t agree more with it.

“ i’ll be running to you so fast like how i did after i found out that passed my final exams. “ you whispered playfully.

recalling the joyful memory, a soft giggle leaves anya’s lips. she remembered you were so anxious and restless over the final exams that she kept having to pinch you and make you run with her to get your mind off of things. once you found out that you passed med school, you ran so fast to anya while she was waiting outside of the campus for you and nearly ran her over. she nods with a beautiful smile that you missed so much. anya was always a carefree woman who was willing to go through hardships with a cool–mind and solutions. but, after this overhaul trip going downhill and the terrible shit that’s happened and is currently happening—the light in her eyes is duller. it mirrors her reserved and almost timid-like behavior now.

that’s not who anya is—that’s not her and that’s not who she should by the damages of a terrible, insecure man who refuses to swallow down his own ever-growing problems like a hard pill and take responsibility for his self-sabotaging actions. you bet he’d choke on himself and self-destruct if he ever tried swallowing. all he ever does is vomit and project himself onto others.

“ okay. we can also clean his bandages after we’ve rested. “ anya suggests.

you shake your head, ghosting a hand over her belly. the bump has slowly been getting bigger but isn’t very noticeable to others. “ there’s no we, just me. the last time you got nauseated, you asked jimmy to give curly his meds while i was busy with daisuke and. .he. .” you trailed off and sighed with frustration. you still can’t get over anya telling you the truth about jimmy getting frustrated at her for asking him to give curly his meds because of her nausea.

absolutely horrible.

before anya can say anything, you give her a quick kiss on the forehead.

“ i’ll be back this time. “

you got up carefully to not alert the broken robot and paced towards medical. as you did, you glanced around the lounge to see who’s in their respective sleeping bags.

daisuke is laid out asleep.

swansea has been sleeping by the utility and now you know why he was does. you don’t have any objections to it. it’s only fair for the sunshine to be preserved.

jimmy is no where to be found. cockpit, maybe?

as you near the medical, alarming sounds of struggling and curly’s groans made your heart drop. frantically, you sprinted towards the door and slammed it open.

s e c o n d c h a n c e

“ wh-what the fuck are you doing, jimmy?! g-get off of him! “ her

you ran over to the self-proclaimed captain who was hunching over the defenseless curly, shoving pills into his mouth and down his throat while beating at his stomach. with all of your strength, you shoved jimmy backwards, pulling him away from curly’s mutilated body, who helplessly laid there in the bloodied medical bed, crying and groaning in pain.

“ are you out of your fucking mind, you crazy fuck?!”you screamed at him while he has this mixed, horrid look of panic and frustration on his unshaven face. the pill bottle clutched in his hand made a loud rattling noise as he drops them on the tile floor and it rolls next to you.

“ i-i— h-he was. .m-making too much n-n—oomph! “

thanks to your adrenaline, you shoved him—hard, causing him to stumble back against the desk. pill bottles tumble and crash onto the floor.

hurried footsteps approach the medical from the loud crashes and yelling.

“ so your fucking solution was to beat up that poor man who can’t even goddamn defend himself now? let me fucking remind you since you’re too busy trying to play captain and can’t take responsibility! that man is laying there, the way he is now, because of—ugh! “

in a burst fit of blind rage, he returns the favor and presses his heavy palms against your chest, harshly shoving you backwards. you try to maintain your balance, but your foot accidentally steps on one of the pill bottles, and you fall backwards onto the solid floor, hitting your head. hard.

crack!

you almost instantly black out. not before hearing a loud gasp and anya’s frantic shouting.

“ (name)! j-jimmy. . . at . .did. . .u do?! “

¿!!! ?????????

just me and you vs the world, anya.

“ seriously? this show is so horrible, anya! even my dad who has terrible taste in tv shows, can’t watch this! “ you groaned exaggeratedly, sinking your cheek into your palm, slouching on the elbow of the couch. anya shrugs with a smug smile, placing the tv remote down on the coffee table.

“ well that’s tooo bad, hun. i need to binge this show to clear my mind out completely. all i need is my go-to-combo i usually get from wendy’s. “

you roll your eyes, “ it could of been at least mcdonald’s or something. but. .wendy’s? “

“ they have the best frosties! don’t act you dislike it because they messed up your order once. “ she giggles, leaning over to playfully hit at your ankle.

the show starts and you can barely stomach it. you don’t understand how she zeros out her mind from watching this stuff. it’s so cheesy and bad.

you peer over at anya and just as expected, she’s watching it like she’s into it. anya’s sitting up against the couch, legs crossed while she’s wearing a oversized t-shirt and pajamas. her heap of black shaggy hair that reaches just below her shoulders, was beautifully messy. usually at night, she doesn’t really bother with it. her fair skin shines pretty under the tv light. her pretty lashes fluttering and downturned eyes glistening with interest as she watch the corny reality tv show—god, she’s so breathtaking.

“ so, anya. “ you speak up as soon as the tv cuts to commercials. her undivided attention draws over to you and you cast her a goofy, suggestive smile.

“ while this commercial runs, wanna makeout? “

she blinks at you several times as if to process your question and bursts out laughing.

“ ewwww! “

“ ewwww? what the hell, baby! c’meree. “ you get off the elbow of the couch to playfully grab and pull at the laughing anya’s arm to pull her closer.

“ we’re not some bored teenager couple, you know! “

you successfully pull her into you, wrapping your arms around her body. “ feels like we are when i’m with youu~ “ you coo, puckering your lips at her with teasing intent.

anya blocks your lips with her palm and you immediately lick at it. she gasps and retracts her hand away, allowing you the opportunity to topple her over and kiss all over her pretty face and pouty lips.

“ hehe, (name)! “

once you’re done with your barrage, you bury your face into her neck.

“ marry me once me and you become doctors, anya~ ” you croon, melting into her body.

there’s a momentary pause before her smiling voice responds to you, full of adoration,

“ of course. i wouldn’t have it any other way, (name).”

??? ??¿ is it finally over ??¿!

your eyes peel open, a surge of sharp pain and confusion shoots through your body like a needle. but, once your gaze immediately locks onto the woman you love above you, your heart calms a little. she doesn’t notice that you’re now awake and stares off into somewhere with brooding eyes.

“ a-anya? “

anya’s eyes widen and she snaps her gaze down at you in surprise as your head is currently laid on her lap. tears swell in the corner of her reddened eyes.

“ y-you’re awake again! i-i thought you were finally. .”

despite not being able to move your body from the waist under and through the pain pounding in your head, you smile weakly at her.

“ f-finally what? i-i told you i’ll come back to you. although. . .“ your eyes search the dim setting around you. it’s blurred and bright. it seems like you and anya are in the medical? didn’t you come back from medical after checking up on curly?

c o n f u s i o n

“ why aren’t we in bed? we’re in medical right now. . “

anya’s lips trembles as she struggles to not cry.

“ we’ve decided to rest in here and talk like we’re a bored teenage couple. “

you let out a weak laugh. “ r-really? my br-brain is all over the place right now. everything is starting to feel and look fuzzy. “

your eyes starts to dilate and unfocus but they never leave anya. she says nothing, and quietly caresses your cheek.

your skin has become more discolored while you were unconscious.

how many hours?

how many hours has it been since she locked herself with you and captain? and how many times has her thoughts endlessly ponder and ponder over jimmy’s words he once said to her months back?

t a k e c a r e o f i t

“ a-anya. .? “

anya forces out a smile. her quivering fingers brush away the sweaty hair sticking to your forehead.

my hands are s h a k i n g.

“ . .y-yes? “ anya can barely contain the heartbreak in her voice.

“ w-we’ll take of it together. “ you slurred, “ o-once i get my l-license, i’ll support us and you don’t need to w-worry about a thing. o-once the baby is born, i’ll take care of them while you st-study to get into medical school again. i-i’ll. .even help you. .too. i st-still have my. .notes. “

dark red liquid seeps down your nose. she sees the light becoming dull in your dilated (e/c) hues that she adored so much.

the external bleeding and swelling in your head is pulling you under.

a quiet sob slips from her throat and she gently brings your head up to her chest. her body shudders as she weeps.

there’s a few broken whimpers that sounds far too strangled to be hers or yours.

“ . . d-don’t cry, an. .ya, i. .i’m just g-gonna sleep. y. .you holding. .me like this. .makes me feel at ease. .i. .can finally sleep. .without. .leaving. .ou. .”

your eyes vanish behind discolored eyelids and your head slack against her.

and there’s a gaping hole akin to a black hole that swallows everything that bounded her down, her dreams, her hopes, her love, her fear, her emotions.

what’s left is reason—a reason to the best decision that anya alone can finally act.

with a strangely calm mind and red-rimmed solemn grey eyes, she glances up at the few bottles of pills now left on the desk.

you know you’re better than this.

m a k e n o m i s t a k e , t h i s i s n ‘ t m y w o r s t m o m e n t.

far from it. this is the best decision i’ll ever make.

i’ll take care of it.

everything’s black—but you hear banging, voices, bottles rattling, pained whimpering and strangled noises that sounds similar to a heartbroken man crying.

you slip back into momentary consciousness. through blurred vision, you see a slumped figure above you. you can’t identify who it is but red smears leaves a bit of a hard contrast to your unfocused eyes. without thinking, your feeble hand reach out and you’re only able to make contact with their chin, just with the tips of your fingers.

from one small touch, you can tell the skin long since lost its warmth and now is cold to the touch.

an unknown sorrow strikes your chest and you finally pass with a heart full of confusion, leaving it in a headlock.

#anya x reader #mouthwashing x reader #mouthwashing #anya x reader mouthwashing #anya mouthwashing

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ellouchi · 1 month ago

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Yet again I see people mischaracterizing Jimmy as some jerk who lashes out on people for no reason and berates them for anything minor like where did you get this from did you actually read any dialogues in the game????????

Jimmy really only threw one shade at Daisuke, he didn't think he was spoilt rich kid he just said he was covered by his parents because he had support system unlike all of them grown up adults. Most of times Jimmy just awkwardly slid off silly things Daisuke said, like the ladies comment or when they were mixing the drink. Daisuke actually trusted and listened to Jimmy throughout the game (to his own detriment unfortunately). Jimmy sent him to the vent because he was the captain and he wasn't going to do the dirty job obviously and if the Swansea somehow woke up Jimmy could shift the blame like he had already got away with. Even when eventually things went to shits we don't see him blaming Daisuke because Jimmy recognised that it was his decision to send him there. Jimmy didn't want to fatally injure him, he tried to "fix it later" which didn't help at all and Jimmy felt guilty about it.

Jimmy treated Anya dog shit half the time it's true but not to the extent some people make it to be. He loves control, he has said so to Curly's face, to ours and that's why he made sure to put her down and belittle her. That's why he (potentially repeatedly) sexually assaulted Anya — because rape is form of power play, he didn't even want her sexually. Initially, Jimmy didn't hate Anya, he just didn't like her and the feeling was mutual. He continued to do bare minimum for her, like when checking up on the crew. If I had to guess how Jim viewed her by the end, then he most likely found her inferior, incompetent, always putting work on his shoulders (or responsibilities he didn't want (pregnancy)), together with being paranoid of her having the potential to ruin his life. That's why he got so pissed off when he saw her crying to Swansea, very likely having already told another person of what he has done. (I'm 100% sure he holds the grudge for telling Curly, who then rushed to "fix things", making Curly seem like a responsible captain which Jim hated.)

Jimmy never made any attempts at understanding or sympathising with Swansea. He knew him longer than Daisuke yet the latter understood him better. Jimmy probably thought that Swansea was an old grumpy man who hated everyone and everything. As the game went on Jimmy just considered Swansea to be nothing but a selfish drunkard (due to immediately assuming he was hoarding cryopod to himself). After the vent incident who Jim blames for the absence of medicine? If Swansea wasn't so stubborn (for like, few times) Jimmy wouldn't have need to spend prescious recourses on him. He could have saved Daisuke instead and fix his fuck up but Swansea ruined it twice. Swan doing arguably the right thing by putting out Daisuke out of his misery only solidified his role as a villain and a threat in Jimmy's eyes, that's why probably as a revenge (for not giving him enough time to think) he went for the gun instead of cryopod like Swansea allowed him to.

And finally Curly. Honestly this deserves a separate book on it's own at this point. It's almost 3 a.m. here so I'll only mention some stuff. Jim aggressively lashes out twice on-screen, first time because he literally lost his dream job, listened to Curly "bitching about having said dream job" and couldn't come face to the fact that Curly was "abandoning him while also looking unscratched from the fall of the ladder" while Jimmy will return to his struggle of life (he didn't even know about the pregnancy yet...). Second time was when Anya endangered Jim's new status as a captain and like I mentioned reminded him that she could fuck up his life even more. Feeling like he was losing control, Jimmy beat up poor Curly who was stripped out of said control by non other than Jimmy. Finally, he was violent off screen by destroying Polle, out of frustration, irritation from the thing, and/or hatred and resentment for the company (que "Pony express is dead" line). In one instance he says "He's mocking us" which confirms that it's about Jimmy's ego.

In conclusion STOP MAKING MY SHITTY CHARACTER SHITTY IN THE WRONG WAYS. This isn't even a full blown analysis of Jimmy's character but accumulation of posts I read and conclusions I came with.

Focus on his already preexisting shitty qualities stop making up new ones ffs signing out.

#i'm going to tag this properly too this time fuck it #i should have been sleeping instead of writing this #god i love you jimmy my problematic king #mouthwashing #jimmy mouthwashing #daisuke mouthwashing #anya mouthwashing #swansea mouthwashing #curly mouthwashing #analysis

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isakvaltersnake · 2 months ago

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things from the 2001 television programme band of brothers that haunt me to this day:

- we’re paratroopers lieutenant, we’re supposed to be surrounded. not to be your 60 year old military obsessed uncle about it but that line goes hard

- nix’s little giggle he does sometimes

- I’ll never forgive them for leaving gene’s medic training out of their training montage. in fact you know what? go back in time, film a parallel sequel of the other 9 eps from gene’s pov

- popeye’s “they called you guys too?” and the way his accent specifically scratches my brain

- they gave me moose heyliger and his massachusetts accent for like 20 minutes then the narrative snatched him away from me and i still miss him

- the way meehan looks at winters after he tells him to close the flap, in fact let’s talk about how every single one of winters’ commanders are obsessed with him in one way or another he truly is the it girl

- the chaos and fear that precedes gene and the calm and comfort that follows him

- I know everyone thinks “we’ll go to chicago, I’ll take you there” is the insane line but the one that actually makes me lose sleep is “what, and give up all this?” THAT MAN SAID I WOULD RATHER LIVE THROUGH THE HORRORS OF WAR THAN HAVE LIVED MY LIFE WITHOUT YOU

- alley is So Beautiful and I don’t think we collectively talk about it enough

- babe being some rando replacement in episode three and whilst his other replacement friends are being absolutely roasted he is immediately adopted by bill and then gets gene fucking roe of all people to connect to him?? he’s too powerful I need to study him

- speirs being this ghoulish terrifying boogeyman until lip is anywhere near him then he’s suddenly dimples and kicking his feet and giggling

- speaking of lip and speirs their little sarcastic in jokes, lip finishing speirs’ sentences fml it’s giving married

- you been working out? IN FRONT OF EVERYONE?? LIEB YOU SLUT?? THEN YOURE GONNA LAY IN HIS BED WAITING FOR HIM??? insane behaviour

- the unexplored but high potential friendships and the way I wanted like 16 more episodes for shifty and lip, nix and luz, nix and web, sisk and perconte, winters and gene, grant and tab, lieb and alley, speirs and harry, etc

- the more haggard and bitchy nix gets the hotter he gets. he also must be studied.

- “you should pack up those ears and go home” ok sobel kinda ate with that one ngl

- speaking of sobel the little confused/bewildered/piss-pants faces he makes david schwimmer the actor you are

- the silly little wide stance pennywise ass run hall does before he gets murked RIP king

- klepto speirs ilysm

- joe toye and his brass knuckles are v sexy

- sink letting nix give winters his oak leaves was very shipper girl of him

- lip harry nix speirs winters in the eagle’s nest dream blunt rotation

- the unsustainable amount of cunt served by nix, frank, babe, and luz at all times is truly a marvel

- tab really checked lip’s dick and balls mid battle and honestly that’s friendship

- bit parts for simon pegg, tom hardy, andrew scott, james mcavoy, michael fassbender, jimmy fallon ?? bob casting director you will always be famous

- peacock is so fine if he was even a little good at his job I’d be obsessed with him (special shout out to the scene of him getting sent home on furlough)

- I could list out every one of their meaningful little moments together but really it’s babe and gene just tethering and grounding each other and how they seem to gravitate to each other out of blind instinct? that’s some Brontë whatever our souls are made of bullshit I’m afraid

- ok I know I said I wasn’t talking about little meaningful moments but gene staring across the convent at where babe is sitting, lost in the peace

-bull in replacements getting imprinted on by a bunch of baby ducks and being SO PLEASED ABOUT IT he’s not the stepfather, he’s the father that stepped up

- speaking of, the underutilization of bull in the back half is such an out of character bad call

- you are officers, you are grown ups, you oughta know. HE’S RIGHT AND HE SHOULD SAY IT AND THAT’S ON GENE BEING THE ONLY ONE ALLOWED TO TELL OFF WINTERS

- I know nix and winters are married and whatever but the real married couple behaviour is luz constantly pissing off joe and joe immediately letting it go

- lip and speirs and their mutual competency kink

- I’M REAL SORRY FRANK skinny ilysm

#band of brothers #I mean there’s more for sure #but it’s a start

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yoyomomiko · 2 months ago

Note

I actually love your hcs so much your writing is scrumptious frfr, anywayyy

what about some Daisuke Christmas (or Valentine’s Day, or user bday or smth, idk SOME special day) hcs? :3

Pairings: Daisuke x F!reader (gender not mentioned but that's what I had in mind while writing this)

HC: Christmas and Valentine's Day with Daisuke!!

Warnings: a bit boring and cringe, not proofread, probably contains grammar mistakes, english isn't my first language!!

(A/N): Tysm!!!🔥🔥 I love Daisuke so much and I just feel like Jimmy should've died before even setting foot on the Tulpar, just my opinion <3 -> m.list

★CHRISTMAS

Okay so this man is gonna be all giddy like a little kid

If you're on the Tulpar he'll feel so bad and disappointed because like... What can he gift you??😔

He's still gonna find a way to offer you something, just anything really. He hopes you like it, but doesn't expect you to do so, since the Tulpar has limited resources so you can't really just wrap anything up and call it a present.

He doesn't expect you to give him something either, because he understands there's not much you can offer around the ship.

BUT if you do manage to somehow gift him ANYTHING, he will gladly take it.

He's gonna suggest giving something to the rest of the crew too!

HE'S the one who would gather the crew together and he's gonna have a gift ready for each one of them.

You and Swansea WILL have the best presents out of everyone🙌

IF you're on land? Oh, man you're gonna get EVERYTHING you've wanted this year.

Daisuke is so sweet he's gonna get you sooo many things, might even save up to give you jewelry if you like it!!

It doesn't matter if what you want is expensive, he'll manage somehow

IF HE WANTED TO HE WOULD🗣️🗣️

Since you're on land he fully expects you to give him something, so prepare

It could be a hand crafted gift that barely hangs on a thread and he'll STILL treasure it and keep it in his room as a trophy.

If it's something he's wanted for a long time he might break down crying😀

Enough with the presents, let's get onto decorations

SO we all know there's not much stuff to do aboard the Tulpar, BUT Daisuke WILL craft something together with you just to give a bit of Christmas vibes instead of the same dull hallways...

He's gonna want a Christmas tree so bad😔

IF you're on land, prepare to have the most lit up house ever

He's gonna go ALL OUT because according to him "It's not Christmas everyday" so you gotta make the most of it

Christmas lights, ornaments (even handmade ones, it feels more special that way), a big Christmas tree to make up for the time he was on the ship... Pretty much everything you can think of

He's so excited about it too😋

OMG BAKES COOKIES WITH YOU

Probably Christmas tree shaped, depends on the mood

He's probably average at baking, but if you're silly with it he's also gonna be silly with it and make the kitchen a MESS

And you both will clean it up together because like I said in my other posts, he includes you in everything☺️

Lowkey I feel like if you guys are on land he'd want to spend Christmas with Swansea too, maybe even Anya

But they probably won't be able to visit so oh well😢

★VALENTINE'S DAY

Unfortunately, if you're on the Tulpar, there might be some problems.

Again, limited resources😔

But Daisuke still tries, maybe he'll get creative and craft you a little gift with hearts everywhere!!

I mentioned in another post that he likes passing notes with you, so just imagine him pulling out a cute note with "Happy Valentine's Day!" with hearts and little doodles of you everywhere

Swansea probably gets so tired of you two being all lovey dovey the whole day, but he understands it's special and as long as you're both happy🤷‍♀️

At night he's gonna cuddle with you and apologize for the day being so boring, promising you that once you're back home you two will have the best Valentine's Day ever

In case you're on land...

Prepare to probably bawl your eyes out

He's just sooo cute and sweet

He'll plan this all out, and make this day better than any other.

Daisuke will buy you the biggest bouquet of flowers he could find, they're also your favourite and the wrapping is your favourite color😍

Not only that, he's gonna buy you the basic teddy bear. EXCEPT, it's like, two times your size. It's so big and cuddly🥺

He's gonna buy you chocolates, your favourite again!! Heart shaped box take it out leave it

He might search on google "cute gifts for valentine's day"

And he's gonna make you one of those cute crafted stuff with a list of everything he loves about you (and it's like 6 feet long with small handwriting), it's gonna be sooo cute😫

DAISUKE WILL SOOO TAKE YOU OUT TO DINNER SOMEWHERE YOU LIKE

If you're not big on public places he's gonna take you to an empty area where the two of you can stargaze (as if you're not tired of seeing stars) or just enjoy a beautiful view, exchanging stories or just cute talk <33

He's so cheesy he might make a petal trail to your bed with candles and all🤭

Just be careful you two might burn something, I mean it's Daisuke we're talking about

And after all that he's gonna run you two a bath, but GUESS WHAT, it's also gonna have candles all around😣

After that, you two head to bed, completely exhausted since you just had like, the BEST day ever

And you two cuddle while drifting to sleep🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

★yoyomiko ★miko

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redroses07 · 10 months ago

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AHS boys cuddling headcanons. <3

A/N: Hey guys! I'm back from my year long hiatus! It's been a crazy year for me and I've been through a lot of ups and downs but I'm finally back! Expect me to be posting a lot now because I have a TON of ideas. Anyways, enjoy this little drabble! Love y'all!

Contains: Tate Langdon, Kit Walker, Kyle Spencer, Jimmy Darling, James Patrick March, Kai Anderson, Michael Langdon, and Xavier Plympton.

Tate Langdon:

This boy is definitely a little spoon.

Constantly asks you to hold him in your arms.

You, personally love this, and happily wrap your arms around him lovingly.

Places soft kisses on your fingers while you trace his features.

Absolutely LOVES when you play with his hair, he practically begs for it.

Now don't think he's always going to be the one being held, that's just what he prefers.

If you're feeling down he'll pull you into his chest, and hold you like something's going to take you from him (his abandonment issues showing)

Loves kissing your neck while cuddling.

Kit Walker:

Kit is truly the most loving partner you could ask for and cuddling with you is one of his favorite things in the whole world.

Likes to see your pretty face so prefers that you two lay facing each other.

Softly tells you all the things he loves about you while pressing kisses to your nose, lips, cheeks, and forehead.

When I tell you his hands would be all over you, I mean ALL OVER. He loves to trace his fingers down your arms, torso and stomach.

Kit also likes to sneak his hands under your shirt when your laying together, and he often falls asleep with them like that.

Cannot fall asleep unless his hands are on you in some way (will not lose you like he lost Alma)

Anyways Kit is amazing and I am in love with him.

Pre-death Kyle Spencer:

Tbh he's my least favorite Evan character so apologies if this sucks.

For some reason I feel like he loves to nuzzle his face in your neck, and he often falls asleep like that.

Lets you lay on his lap while he works on schoolwork, and starts playing with your hair when he loses focus.

Loves when you sit in his lap, he will pull you in his lap literally anywhere. No matter if you're alone, or with your friends he feels the best when you're comfortably situated on his lap.

Jimmy Darling:

Big spoon!!!!!!

Loves when you straddle his waist or wrap your arms around his neck.

Really loves to feel as close to you as possible so he'll tangle your bodies together in every possible way.

One would think it would be hard to get comfortable like that but your comfort is Jimmy's #1 priority, even if that means sacrificing his own.

So if that means his arm falls asleep or his leg cramps, that's okay! as long as you're co. mfortable.

Jimmy loves to kiss your cheeks, and when he's in a silly mood he quickly switches between the two. This leaves you flustered, and in a fit of giggles.

James Patrick March

You wouldn't expect it but James LOVES cuddling with you.

On the outside he seems like he would be cold and dismissive in a relationship but you are his EVERYTHING.

Loves when you lay on top of him and he can comfortably wrap his arms around you.

Constantly whispers to you how much he loves and adores you and would do anything for you (In love with his accent)

Probably not surprising but he likes to leave marks all over you, and not just during sex.

Will bite and suck on your skin while you're cuddling. His favorite place to leave marks is your collarbone.

He sees this as an intimate act, and loves the idea that people will know you belong to him.

Kai Anderson

Lets be real...this man is not a cuddler. To be honest he only cares about you when he's trying to make the messiah baby.

But occasionally he'll be extremely overwhelmed with cult responsibilities and will turn to you for condolences.

Holds you while he vents to you about his frustrations.

Plays with your hair or fiddles with the straps of your tank top to distract himself.

Will also ask you about your day to give him something else to think about.

These are the few times when Kai shows his vulnerable side.

Will kiss your shoulders while you tell him about your day, or give him cult advice.

Michael Langdon:

I love Michael so much y'all he's literally my husband.

Cuddling can go either way with him tbh. Sometimes it's him holding you, and sometimes it's you holding him.

When he holds you he pulls you into him and traces is fingers along your back.

Loves to intertwine your fingers and tightly grip your hand. It makes him feel closer and more connected to you.

Cuddling is when you and Michael have your most intimate bonding moments. When you spill your deepest thoughts and secrets to each other.

On the other hand, when the pressure on Michael is too much, he wants you to hold him.

He cries softly, and stuffs his face into your chest in an effort to hide his tears.

When life just becomes too much for him being held and kissed by you makes everything feel okay.

This is a weird one but I feel like he'd have you brush his hair (I love long hair Michael don't hate).

Xavier Plympton:

Likes to listen to music while cuddling, and will softly sing along if he knows the lyrics.

Will also tap on your back along to the beat.

Likes when you lay your head on his chest and drape your legs over his.

Loves to talk while cuddling, telling you everything that comes to his mind.

He talks, you listen, and that's what he loves about you.

Takes breaks in between his various rants to kiss the top of your head and make sure you're comfortable.

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bloodlineee1 · 5 months ago

Note

i’d love to see a jey uso x reader from you! something silly followed by some smut maybe. just light hearted relationship stuff.

Pairing: Jey Uso x Reader.

Warnings: smut Minors DNI 18+

i loved this idea so muchhh i hope you guys enjoyyyyy!!!!

I get out of the shower and realize I forgot to grab a towel. were at Jey's twin brother's house visiting and at home, we usually have towels in our bedrooms so it totally crossed my mind.

"babe" y/n yells.

"yeah?" Josh yells back from downstairs.

"Can you bring me a towel please"

"Can you bring me a towel please" Jimmy mocks.

"I heard that Jonathon" y/n laughs yelling at him.

"Man shut yo ass up before you get me in trouble" Jey laughs.

"yeah, one second" he gets up from the couch and throws a pillow at Jimmy.

after a few minutes, he finally walked in with a towel in his hand.

"here" he puts his arm out to pass me the towel.

"took you long enough" I walk towards him and try to snatch the towel.

"say goodbye to this towel 'cause you ain't getting it now" he snatches the towel back.

"babe, give me the towel." I bend around his back to grab it.

"say please" he smacks my ass and moves the towel again.

"Joshua come on it's cold" I smack his arm.

"say please" he taunts.

"Please, now give me my towel" I suck my teeth and put my hand out.

"say it nicer" he pushes more.

"Josh stop playing bro," I say purposely because I know he doesn't play that "bro" shit.

"oh, I'm bro now?"

"yeah, uce" I laugh.

"oh really? keep it up" he laughs too.

"Can you just give me my towel Jey" I say his stage name which he also hates.

"Now you definitely not getting this towel" he chuckles.

"I'm not walking around your brother's house naked," I say annoyed at this point because its cold asf.

"what you gonna do for this towel?" he smirks.

"anything you want," I say obliviously.

"oh really? bend over then" he jokes he pulls me by my waist.

"Yeah, you crazy" I grab the towel and try to walk away.

"am I?" he pulls me in with the towel that he never let go.

"yes, you are" My breath hitches from how close he is we've been married for 3 years and he still makes me nervous.

"yeah?" he starts rubbing my clit.

"Yeah," I moan.

"you've been walking around with this stank-ass attitude all damn day I know this is what you've been wanting" he whispers in my ear.

"I don't have an attitude" I roll my eyes.

"yes you have ever since you and Trin went out with the girls last night" he puts a finger in.

"Well, when you come home horny from the club and your man is giving lectures about drinking "too much" instead of taking his dick out and fucking you till you cry you'd have an attitude too," I say annoyed and so horny.

"mhm ill give what you want like I said bend that ass over" he smacks my ass.

15 minutes later.

"Ugh! fuck babe!" y/n moaned loudly, trying not to break her arch in her back. She gripped the sheets, with her eyes rolling to the back of her head as Jey held her by the waist and drilled her.

"Baby wait" She whimpered, moving up some.

"Whea' you goin'? Huh?" he grabbed her by the hair and whispered into her ear.

"Mm, It's too much" She whined, reaching back to push at his stomach.

"This what you wanted, remember? Take this shit like a big girl" He let her hair go and fucked her deeper than before.

He slowed his pace down.

"Fuck me back" He demanded slapping her ass.

She let a short moan slip out and he stopped moving, waiting for her to do what he said.

She gripped the sheet again, moving her hips in a circular motion. He bit his bottom lip, mesmerized by how her ass moved so perfectly.

"Mmm," She muffled, holding in a moan before she started throwing her ass back on him.

"Fuck y/n." He groaned, watching her ass effortlessly jiggle.

He felt his peak near, gripped her hips, and put his leg up.

Her mouth fell open and her eyes rolled to the back of her head.

"Take dis shit" Jey gritted, gripping her hips tightly as he pounded into her.

"Tell me you love me, baby," He said, knowing the state she was currently in, she couldn't say anything.

Moans were stuck in her throat, she couldn't form a sentence at the moment at how much pleasure she was feeling.

"I can't hear you" He taunted, slowing down.

She gasped "Shit! I love you!" She moaned "I love you so much"

"I love you too baby," He said softly

"You gonna cum for me?"

"I-I-I can't" She whined.

"Yes, you can baby, come on give it to me" He coached.

He could feel her body trembling below him, feeling his peak coming too but wanted to make sure she got hers first.

He put his leg down and pushed more into her back letting her body collapse. Not stopping his deep strokes as she now lay on her stomach and he laid on top of her.

"You like makin' me feel good right?" He whispered in her ear. She immediately nodded, feeling him in her stomach the deeper he grind into her.

"Then let it go, mama. Let me feel it" He softly kissed the side of her face and she kept clapping her walls around him as the tears that were building up in her eyes started to spring free.

"Make me feel good and cum fa' me" He whispered with a shaky voice.

"Oh fuck" She dragged out as the orgasm ripped threw her body

"Just like that baby. Good girl" He cooed, kissing the side of her face, stroking her through it.

His eyes started drifting close releasing himself inside her.

"damn," they both said in unison.

They turn our heads towards the door after hearing a knock.

"aye get yall nasty asses up and get dressed we going out to eat" Jimmy yells from the other side of the door.

"aii" Josh yells back still lying on top of me.

"and clean my sheets" he adds.

"see" I smack Josh on his chest.

"Jon leave them alone lord knows what we be doing in their house" Trin laughs.

#jey uso #jey uso smut #jey uso x reader #bloodline #roman reigns

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littlecrittereli · 11 months ago

Text

Random WK Headcanon dump

Here's a silly list of headcanons I have about team Wild Kratts, in no particular order other than what comes into my head first:

Heights:

Martin and Chris are based off their real heights and I filled everyone else in based off how they look standing next to each other. I exaggerated Aviva and Koki's height a little bit, just for some variety.

Koki is the tallest at 6' (182.9 cm)

Martin is 5'10 (177.8 cm)

Jimmy is 5'9 (175.3 cm)

Chris is 5'8 (172.7 cm)

and Aviva is the shortest at 5'3 (160 cm)

Reference:

Ages:

Martin is definitely the oldest at 25

Aviva is 24

Jimmy and Koki are both 23, Jimmy being a few months older

And Chris is runner up at 21

The reason for the small age gap is because Martin was ultimately the person that put together the Tortuga team when he graduated college, and he picked students that were also close to graduation at the time. Chris would have just been starting college, but would join them upon graduation because of his connection through Martin. Other freshmen at the time would not have qualified for the research grant.

Birthdays!!!

Martin: Dec 23rd (he's a capricorn)

Aviva: Nov 4th (She's a scorpio)

Jimmy: April 20th (He's a taurus)

Koki: August 27th (She's a virgo)

Chris: July 19th (He's a cancer)

Identities:

(Disclaimer this is referring to the fictional Wild Kratts animated characters ONLY. Not the actual people they are based on.)

Martin: he/him, bisexual. But his preference is women.

He's probably had a handful of girlfriends and a couple of boyfriends throughout high school and college, but unfortunately had too big of ambitions to settle down with anyone.

Aviva: she/her, bisexual. She doesn't have a preference.

She has probably been on like... 2 dates max. She has always been much more focused on her education and bettering her inventions than dating. Her only standard for a partnership is someone who can keep up with her intelligence. Or at least someone she can learn from and grow with.

Jimmy: he/him, straight.

He literally does not care, but he would probably kiss a man if the opportunity arose. Had a girlfriend in kindergarten and they spoke twice, but since she moved schools and they never officially broke up, he's still technically off the market.

Koki: she/they lesbian. SHE LIKES WOMEN

tried to date a man. regretted it. Has probably been in a couple semi-serious relationships, but didn't work out for various reasons. She's content to focus on her career for now but someday would love to be a mom.

Chris: he/they aroace

only proclaimed to have a crush on a girl in high school because everyone else was talking about crushes and he didn't want to feel left out. Doesn't really like to be touched in general. Would rather cut off his hand than be forced to hold someone else's in a non platonic way. When someone has a crush on him, he does not know how to respond so he literally just ignores them.

Silly Stuff:

-As a zoologist, Martin knows more about animal behaviors, classification, and identification. Meanwhile, Chris as a biologist knows more about the anatomy and general science of animals. For example, Martin would be able to explain the reasoning behind a firefly's glow while Chris would be able to explain the chemical reaction that makes the glow possible. And they are constantly sharing and learning from each other as well.

-Chris has glasses, he just doesn't really use them very often. They would get in the way of creature adventuring so he only wears them if he's reading or something. They aren't super crucial, it just helps with small words.

-Game nights are VERY serious on the Tortuga. Jimmy is suspiciously good at card/board games. He pretty much always wins. It's to the point where everyone else is on a team against him. Sometimes he lets them win and it has sent the entire team into a fight. Sorry has been banned in the Tortuga because of this.

-Koki's a huge theatre nerd. She participated in plays recreationally throughout high school, and will often hum or sing while she's doing a task.

-Martin plays the guitar and has a mediocre singing voice. It's nothing spectacular but he can carry a tune. Sometimes when the Tortuga is parked somewhere remote for the night, they will make a campfire and sing a few songs.

-Aviva has roller skates built into her shoes (SIDE NOTE: This is something we see very often in season 1 but they seemed to have forgotten about it??? or retconned it??? BUT I HATE IT BECAUSE THEY WERE SO COOL PLEASE BRING BACK THE ROLLER SKATES)

-Martin is a terrible driver. (The oldest sibling curse) He knows he's a terrible driver, but pretends he's not. Chris will usually try to take the driver's seat to prevent Martin from driving, but sometimes Martin beats him there. Will deflect any evidence of him being a bad driver. "That curb shouldn't have been there" Someone please revoke his license, he's a danger to society.

-Jimmy is definitely the best cook out of all of them. He makes food for the team most of the time, unless they are on a longer flight and he has to pilot. Koki and Chris are pretty competent chefs "Just read the recipe it's not that hard". Martin's basically limited to ramen noodles and microwave mac and cheese. Aviva, try as she might, can NOT cook. She will BURN water. (she always overcomplicates the recipes by trying to utilize an invention or something)

-Koki likes to crochet. She likes to keep her hands busy so whenever she's doing a rather boring task, like monitoring for bad weather/villains while the bros are out, she crochets.

-Jimmy gets insane jet lag, and since they are bouncing from different time zones all the time, he can never really catch up. Not to mention he has to stay up for irregular hours to fly the Tortuga. This is why he's always napping, and why the others usually leave him alone to sleep unless it's important.

#wild kratts #chris kratt #martin kratt #aviva corcovado #wild kratts koki #jimmy z #wild kratts headcanon #littlecrittereli #These are so random but they are just thoughts that have been stuck in my head for a while #also its just for fun and how I personally view their dynamic :)#found family Tortuga Team

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auriidae · 1 year ago

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LIFESTUCK ?!?! (pt 2 here!) (pt 3)

i was sick a couple days ago and spent like 12 hours straight doing nothing but classpecting life series characters and then was like Yeah i have to draw this now. so here's some sillies 👍 (super long classpect ramble under cut because i spent far too long on it not to share hfshjf)

quick note: i really really love @/classpect-navelgazing's theories and used them for a lot of the ideas here. go check their blog out it rules :]

ok you guys flower ranchers (scott tango jimmy) are making me so insane for this au specifically because of this idea i had about doom/life players. doom in true canon is related to inevitability, fate, and knowledge of the specific rules that keep the characters trapped within their story, right. and life is sort of related to healing, physically and mentally, within the confines of the game. so within this au, the aspect of life refers to the rules within the game that the players can see and are aware of (last life’s trading lives system + boogeyman, third life’s soulmate mechanic, secret life’s tasks, etc.). life players have some amount of dominion over these elements (depending on their class, of course). doom on the other hand refers to everything surrounding the games (stuff like admin powers, the world barrier, and whatever happens to the players after they die).

as a mage of doom, scot (his name is so funny to me. like yeah he sure is) has a bunch of intrinsic knowledge about the way the games function on a logistical level. he’s like a guy who read the script a while ago and forgot all the characters’ names but knows the basic plot and how it’s going to end. or who knows all the ins and outs of tech crew and for whom the apparent magic of the show for the audience is lost on, since he knows how it’s being done. the thing is, scot isn't especially able to act on this knowledge during the game. what director wants someone in the audience — or one of the actors — taking all the magic out of the show, spoiling how it works and how it ends? no, it’s best if they keep that knowledge to themselves — and so scot’s narratively unable to affect the stories of those around him, even his close friends who he’d want to help. he’s aware of this, of course, which makes him more than a little depressed, as he can see the futility of it all and can’t even explain to anyone what’s going on and how the game works. (the only story he’s able to affect, of course, is his own. which. depressed doom player + mage martyr complex + guy who Really cares about his friends is not necessarily a good combination.)

the amount of stock i put in the idea of gendered classes is close to zero so tangoe gets to be a maid of life because ohh my goodness. i like the theory (thanks classpect-navelgazing) of life as “the aspect of affluence,” where life players usually enter the game with some kind of material wealth or status that helps their position in some way. i also like the idea that maid players start the game with a surplus of their aspect but often end up feeling as if they’re only seen as a provider of that specific thing as a result of this, and so end up longing for something else instead. this primarily applies to last life tango because that’s the season i’m most familiar with lol, but i thought the way he started out with so many lives there and quickly dwindled as a result of everyone taking from him and only him was Really interesting. mans has all the luck of the game he could need, but only wants friends to actually be able to live with. being a life player also ties into his little gambling games and things (again, dominion over stuff within the overarching game/story, but nothing beyond that).

then we get to jimi (again fantastic name). the basic premise of an heir is that they’re played by their aspect, right and Oh Boy is jimmy played by life in the life series. i don’t personally know much about anything he’s done other than heehoo canary guy but along with the previously stated points it’s So fun to see him as a life player because it allows for some really clearly contrast between the way he interacts with tangoe and scot based on their aspects. i really like the idea of scot being like “you’re a life player jimi. it's in your name. the game is not going to let you die” and jimi like “you really think so? aw thanks man” neither of them knowing that dying as a life player in this game is literally like in the job description. (ok. i kind of feel like i’m letting jimi down by basing his story so far around other people.. but this is just for fun and i can always change it later)

(also i could easily have put tangoe and jimi as doom players too but for the fact that i don’t think they necessarily see through the game as much as scot does (or at all). and so life it is.)

feel free to ask me questions abt them!!! i have so many thoughts about this bro

#looks at you with my big ol eyes... please read about them i spent So Long thinking about them pfff #scott smajor #jimmy solidarity #tangotek #trafficblr #secret life #life series #hs #also disclaimer i haven't read homestuck in over a year and do not have the time currently so sorry-#-if smth is blatantly wrong but this is just for the funsies :P #lifestuck au #aurie's art

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dreamingunderacloudysky · 22 days ago

Note

What's your opinion on all the Jimmy enjoyers and fetish content out there?

Whew, ok, I felt like I was going to get asked this, but not THIS soon.

Ok. I'm totally fine with people liking Jimmy, he's a well written character with a complex array of issues and instincts which drive him forward as well as mysterious background for what really drove him to be in that crew. Most Jimmy enjoyers I meet are actually pretty chill for the most part. Do I like him?

Well...

Not exactly. I do believe in creative choice. People can write whatever they want, even if a lot of it I find disturbing. Jimmy's character made me actually feel upset at multiple points in the game, but thays a sign of just how humanly fucked up he's depicted. He's so human and does messed up but very human things, which makes it all feel real on an unsettling level.

The people I generally do not interact with are the people who FETISHIZE Jimmy's assault of Anya and say stuff like "She probably liked it ngl" like actually that is super gross and I really wasn't planning on bringing it up here, but years ago I myself was taken advantage of by another woman so for my case yes I cannot fathom the type of stuff people say or write with Jimmy. If someone is attracted to Jimmy, stop telling them to see a therapist (I mean, I think we all should after having played this game good lord the game messed with my psyche) while I dont agree with it and I don't understand how people can be attracted to him, it's also not my brain. They may be cringe, but they are free unless they're saying the type of comments I said earlier because they actually get off the internet.

This Fandom is very weird, and I'll admit me writing NSFW for it loops me in somewhat in a taboo spot, but I'm sorry Wrong Organ you made well written kissable polygons.

Before I get asked this next, WHY do I not write for Jimmy?

Just reread what I said earlier on how his involvement in the story, along with how Anya's played in part which hurt me in my soul and you'll understand that I personally cannot write for him without stirring up some unpleasant concepts of my past and just the general overall summary of his actions.

I'll be honest, I really don't want to write Curly either. As someone who worked in a leadership role for 8 years and take classes for my job to continue to do that Curly was a terrible leader 🙃 and made me want to bite chunks off of my keyboard like a Kit Kat. He is barely the lesser evil of Curly, and as a famous statement, I firmly believe

"Bad things happen when good people stand by"

But I will write Curly because why the hell not! I'm personally not attracted to him (first of all I'm a girl kisser, second of all we didn't see get to see him oerate pre-crash aside from playing AS him) But he's a good way to flex my writing muscles and give the masses some of my take on Curly. All the characters would be pretty fun to write for

So Jimmy enjoyers, sorry that you get harassed, but the weirdos, including the non Jimmy, fans need to keep their weird ass comments off of normal posts and not justify SA.

While I'm on this of yall want me to point out some stuff I don't like that is done with the character I'll leave a small list.

Jimmy fans... do i need to elaborate on what the weird ones do?

Some people make post SA Anya like she's a non functional human being and incapable of living and just an actual extremely dependent ball of constant sadness. Don't let her SA define her character just how SA victims aren't defined by their perpetrators. Don't romanticize abuse period

Daisuke I hear people complain about him being infantalized, but you have a bubbly character in any Fandom and they're going to babygirlify them I'm sorry it sucks for his fans but I hope I'm not writing hi that way he's just a silly man in my writing.

Swansea... I don't have much to say on it, a little strange to me that people hunger for a married man, but he's fictional so while I don't feel comfortable writing him romantically Swansea lovers can pop off hope you homies have fun!

Curly. Just the people saying he did nothing wrong. That's just cringe and honestly these are all strange pixel crushes we shouldn't be having but have them anyways so pop off to you homies too.

If anyone has comments or disagreements that's totally valid, feel free to leave them in the comments and I promise I won't bite if you don't. ☁️☁️☁️☁️

#mouthwashing #anya x reader #cloudy posting #mouthwashing x reader #nurse anya #cloudy ask #anya #anya mouthwashing #anya mw #daisuke mw #intern daisuke #swansea #mechanic swansea #curly mw #captain curly #jimmy

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zorrasucia · 1 year ago

Text

Teach Me Tonight - Part 5

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Deleted Scene] [Part 4] Part 5: [Part 6] [Part 7] [Deleted Scene] [Part 8]

Reader x Carmy Berzatto (The Bear FX)

Rating: Explicit (4k)

Tags: Smut, Set sometime after the opening of The Bear, Porn with a little plot, Virgin!Carmy, Fluff, P in V sex, Rough Sex (consensual at reader's request), Facesitting, Both Carmy and Reader have a bit of a praise kink

Summary:

It was Friday, a little past nine at night and you were home alone. You had said goodbye to Carmy back at the restaurant, the frantic energy inside the kitchen a clear indicator that you wouldn't see him until the next day.

You huffed and rolled over on the mattress. You were antsy, and a little horny; thinking about what Carmy would do to you if he was there wasn't helping in the slightest. After a while of being just restless you decided to watch some porn and masturbate to get sleepy.

You started teasing over your underwear, vaguely following the vapid introduction of the video. When the couple began fucking in earnest, you touched yourself following the rhythm of their moans. You were getting wet and squirming between the sheets when you heard the front door unlock and open.

"Shit," you cursed. "Carmy?"

"Hey," he called from the hallway.

"You're back early."

"Uncle Jimmy bought out the restaurant for the evening. Forgot to tell you. We set up everything and he sent us home," he explained, then peeked inside the room. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Dunno," he got close to the bed, "you look flushed," he placed a hand over your forehead, that little wrinkle between his eyebrows showing up immediately.

You sighed; you couldn't let him worry over nothing just because you were embarrassed.

"Uh- I was watching porn and touching myself," you confessed. You handed him your phone - the screen showed a man and a woman, tastefully lit, fucking over a bed doggy style.

"Ah," he arched his eyebrows.

"I didn't know you would be home early, or I would have definitely waited for you," you bit your lip. He stayed silent for a little while. "Are you mad?"

It wouldn't be the first time that a guy felt a certain way about you watching porn - the argument was mostly about the fact that they were allowed to do it and you weren't.

"No, it's just-" he sat by you. "You never said you liked this," he gestured vaguely at the position.

"Um, I didn't think you'd be into it. When we fucked the first time you said you liked eye contact. This is sort of the opposite," you shrugged helplessly.

"Yeah, but I also fucked you from behind on the kitchen table that one time and it was fun," he reasoned.

"I thought you were only doing it for me," you realized you sounded a little silly but it was the truth. For all your willingness to try new things it had mostly involved positions where you could face each other. And you liked it. Still some secret part of you wondered what it would be like with Carmy.

"I mean, yeah, it started that way but in the end I enjoyed it too," Carmy said earnestly. "Really. I don't- I don't want you to feel like you can't tell me these things."

You blushed.

"Okay," you nodded. "Okay. Uh. I like being fucked from behind sometimes. Not always but uh- it feels good, you can get a little rough," your already wet underwear got soaked at the thought of Carmy using those strong arms of his to manhandle you a little.

Without a word, he untied his shoes and got rid of his shirt. Then, he leant over.

"Tell me what to do."

You shivered.

"Kiss me," you asked and a second later he was all over you, shoving his tongue in your mouth, getting the idea of 'a little rough' and running with it.

You started unbuttoning his trousers, shoving them and his boxers out of the way and he followed suit, tugging at fabric blindly until you were completely bare. Your hand was touching his cock idly, getting him hard.

"Put me face down on the bed," you said against his lips.

He grabbed you by the waist and maneuvered you into position, a little too gently for your taste but it was a start. You got on all fours while he rummaged the bedside table for a condom.

"Tease me," you pleaded.

He obliged. His hard cock traced figures over the lips of your pussy, almost pushing in but not quite. He lined up his cock with your entrance.

"Slow at first, slow." He took his time to fill you up. "Fuuuuuck," you keened.

There was a sharp inhale behind you and Carmy ran his fingers down your spine, to your hips and moved the last inch in a hard thrust.

"Shit, just like that," you praised.

It took him a little bit to get the hang of the position, his thrusts cautious and slow. You focused on the feeling of being full of him. You swayed your hips with his cock buried deep inside you, a challenge of sorts.

"Jesus," he panted, falling into rhythm.

It was still careful and you thrust back into him, desperate, needy.

"Harder, Carm," you whined.

He growled, getting a good grip on your waist. You moaned, your jaw dropped at the head of his cock grazing your G spot everytime.

"Right there, right there," you reached back for his thigh, giving him a reassuring squeeze that turned into you leaving scratch marks on his pale flesh.

"Do you- shit-" he stuttered, overcome with pleasure. "Do you like to have your hair pulled?"

And you would have caressed his face gently and kissed him sweetly in that moment - he had taken a glimpse at the video and he was devoted to making it real for you.

Except, well, you were on all fours being fucked senseless and absolutely wild with lust. So instead you grinded into his cock and begged:

"Yes, please, fuck, please!"

He gathered your hair in the nape of your neck and gave a tug that electrified you all the way down to your pussy. A breathy laugh escaped your lips.

"Good?" he asked.

"So fucking good, keep going," you praised and he thrust harder, every movement pushing you over the edge. "It's so good."

He grabbed your hair harder than before, pulling you until you were on your knees, flush against his chest. You moaned in surprise and bliss. His free hand immediately found your clit and teased it mercilessly until your pussy was fluttering on his cock.

"Keep going, keep going," you pleaded through your orgasm.

He held you through it, kissing your neck and shoulders with a tenderness that didn't match the wanton moans and gasps that tickled the side of your face. In your daze, you realized he was holding back for you. Carmy was thoughtful and shy and caring, but he could also be angry and mean and explosive. You knew, you had seen glimpses of him in the kitchen at rush hour.

"Carm... It's okay."

"Hmm?" It was a desperate sound - his grip on your hips was so tight that you suspected you would wake up with bruises.

"You can go as fast as you want, as hard as you need, baby," you intertwined your fingers with his. "I'll tell you if you hurt me, just-"

He dragged his teeth down the side of your neck, from your ear to your shoulder.

"You sure?" he exhaled into your skin.

"Pretty fucking sure," you touched his hair and kissed the side of his face blindly. You went back on all fours and looked back at him seductively. "You've been so good, Carmy, you deserve it."

You knew you were overselling it, but you meant it. Carmy chuckled a little, his fingers softened their grip and caressed the curve of your spine, settling back on your waist.

With barely any warning, he thrust into you, hard, knocking the wind out of you.

"Oh my God," you moaned, squeezing your eyes shut as he made you see stars with every forceful movement. He kept going, his skin clapping on yours, hitting perfectly with each stroke. "Yes, fuck!"

You felt your second orgasm approaching quickly, the punishing pace Carmy set had you gasping for air. You felt your arms give out and suddenly your face was on the comforter, your ass up, and the mattress swaying under the two of you. You squirmed and moaned, and he kept on fucking mercilessly, prolonging your orgasm until it was almost too much to bear, until your pussy was straining from squeezing around his cock. You bit on the comforter to stop yourself from screaming.

Carmy bent over on top of you, his cock still drilling into your pussy. He twisted around to kiss you - it was all teeth and tongue and desperation. Your right hand reached underneath to touch your clit. The pleasure and pain had blurred and you were pretty sure your last orgasm was turning into a third one.

"So good, so fucking good, Carm," you mumbled into his mouth, squirming, feeling his sweat mix with yours.

"Fuck, I'm gonna-" he started and you nodded eagerly.

"Yes, please, come with me," you panted, rolling your eyes when his hips started moving even faster than before. The sounds he uttered would have been enough to have you coming but there was also his hand on your throat, and his cock inside your pussy...

You came at the same time with a series of grunts and a long, high-pitched moan. His hips kept rutting into yours, making you tremble with pleasure for a while longer, not a drop of that delicious electricity gone to waste.

"You okay?" he asked, his breathing labored and his lips kissing your shoulders and spine.

"Yeah," you sighed and chuckled, satisfied. You reached out behind you to caress the nape of his neck, wet with sweat. "You?"

"Yeah." He nodded and, after a quick kiss on your shoulder, he rolled over, leaving your pussy empty and wrecked. He threw the condom to the trash and laid back, looking at you. You whined a little as you untangled from your position, thighs cramping, to lie by his side.

"You sure I wasn't too rough?" he tilted his head, cupping your face.

"It was amazing, Carm," you gave him a gentle kiss. "I think I got a little carried away, though," you added softly.

"It's fine - I liked it," he covered his face to hide a grin.

You smiled relieved and got closer to him, claiming your place between his arms.

"Thank you," you said against his collarbone. He hummed into your hair, tugging on the comforter to cover you both with it. "Carmy? Do you have one?"

"Hmm?"

"A fantasy you haven't told me about because you thought I wouldn't be into it?" you asked.

He stayed silent for a while and you looked up in search of his eyes.

"I- uh- I've been wanting you to sit on my face for months," he gulped, avoiding your gaze and the shocked face you were doing. "I didn't say anything 'cause you get all nervous and start apologizing when you squeeze me with your thighs..."

"Well, I don't want to hurt you!" you replied defensively.

"I don't mind," he blushed. "I'm kind of into it."

"Shit, Carmy," you giggled, settling back in his embrace. He held you closer. "We're definitely doing it, don't worry."

"Not now though," he said, completely exhausted.

You laughed. "No, not now," you repeated, falling asleep to the beat of his heart.

"Come on, Carmy! Come out!" you urged him from outside the changing room.

"The pants are too long," he complained. "I look fucking stupid."

He opened the curtain and walked out, wearing the vintage tuxedo you had chosen for him - midnight blue with satin accents.

"You look very handsome," you beamed, straightening the lapels of his blazer. He allowed himself a small smile.

"Just- the pants," he insisted. There were about three inches of extra fabric pooling at his feet.

"Baby, you do know that clothes can be tailored," it wasn't a question - his slacks and his favorite coat had all been professionally shortened to fit him, you knew.

"Yeah," he said, defeated.

"C'mere," you guided him to stand on a stool. You knelt by him, folding the fabric by his ankles and pinning it carefully. "What's this about?"

"I'm going to fuck it up," he said, looking at the ceiling. "I can't do that to Sydney. Let her down again," his eyes had turned a little glassy.

"Hey," you gave his calf a gentle caress. "It's gonna be okay. You're just introducing her. She's very excited about this."

He cleared his throat. "I know." That's the problem.

"Imagine if a friend had given you your award," you prompted. "Someone you looked up to, someone as excited as you were to get it."

He hummed, biting on his lip nervously.

"The only way you'd let her down would be to not show up," you said softly, then stood up to meet his gaze. "And you are showing up, right?" you cupped his face lovingly.

He nodded. He was too tall to reach standing on the stool, so you tugged on the lapels of his suit to kiss him.

"Good," you said against his lips. "I don't want to miss it - I already chose a dress for it."

"Can I see?" he asked.

"No. It's a surprise."

"You're going to be the death of me, you know that?" he said in mock annoyance.

You smiled, walking to the counter and returning with two options of bow ties and placing them near his face.

Just then, Richie walked in.

"Hi!" you greeted him. "Help us pick."

"Right one," he pointed at the wider tie.

"I agree," you said.

"Looking like a real boy, cousin!" he teased.

"Fuck you," Carmy replied without bite.

"Chef Sydney asked me to pick up her dress," Richie said. "Ever since she got that James Beard invite thing she's become such a diva."

"She kind of deserves it, though," you said. "Here you go," you handed him the gown, a seventies number with a plunging back, inside a suit bag.

"Is he gonna be ready on time?" Richie asked you.

"Count on it," you reassured him.

“Alright!” Richie hollered from the door. "See you tonight, kids!"

The drive back to Carmy's apartment had been quiet, with him only breaking the silence to lend you his coat. His hand was on your thigh, and you felt calm and safe.

"So, was it like this when you got your award?" you asked.

"Dunno, didn't go to the ceremony," he said blankly.

"Why?"

"You know me - talking in public and shit," he shrugged.

"You were scared," you realized.

He hummed, not admitting to it but not denying it either.

"You were good tonight," you squeezed his hand. "Syd looked very happy."

He smiled. "She did."

Carmy let go of your hand for a minute to park the car, his arm around your headrest.

"You look very hot when you do that," you flirted as he turned off the engine.

"Shut up," he laughed and got out of the car, racing to open the door for you.

You walked to the apartment hand in hand, enjoying the quiet of the night. You returned his coat once you were inside, helping him turn the lights on.

"You look very pretty," he said.

You leaned into his space and kissed him, the many petticoats of your fifties dress rustling as he brought you closer.

"Thank you," you whispered against Carmy's lips. You tugged on the ends of his bowtie, undone from hours ago, making him look disheveled and beautiful. You kissed a while longer, his mouth gentle against yours, and his hair going back to that familiar mess. His hands roamed your body, squeezing your waist and lifting your skirt a little.

"Wha- what's this?" he asked, his palm landing on your upper thigh.

You smiled and turned around instead of responding. "Help me with the zip."

He did. Opening the dress carefully, caressing your sides and shoulders as he helped you get out of it. Under the dress, you were wearing a lacy bra, panties, tights and garters.

"Holy shit," Carmy said, covering his mouth.

"They're vintage. You like them?" you asked, your hands brushing over the clasps on the garters, a little self-conscious with how he was staring.

"Do I-? Fuck."

He lunged forward and kissed you hungrily, holding onto the back of your thighs until your legs were around his waist and he could carry you to the bedroom. He placed you on the bed and he cupped your face, a pleading look in his blue eyes.

"Can I- Can we do it tonight, baby? Will you- Jesus- Will you fuck my face?"

It sounded like a confession, the words getting stuck in his tongue like it was something shameful. You placed your hands over his and nodded, feeling a familiar heat pool in your belly and your chest.

"Yes."

He beamed. You dragged him by the bowtie to lie on the pillows, while you straddled his hips. After he had told you about his fantasy, you looked for some videos to see what he was talking about, what he wanted and what you'd be willing to do.

"I don't want to hurt you, Carm," you said gently, caressing his chest and unbuttoning his shirt. "Is it okay- Would it be okay if we don't do it too rough?"

You felt a little guilty, since he had been so open to fuck you hard when you had asked him to.

"It’s okay. You can do as much as you want," he said, his hands caressing your thighs, tracing the edge of your garters. "I don't want you to, like, break my nose or anything," you laughed together.

"Good, I like your nose," you said softly. He sat up to kiss you and you helped him get undressed, throwing his clothes somewhere across the room. After a while of making out and grinding on your clothed pussy, he guided you upwards, to the headboard, while he kissed down your body - your chest, your belly, your hip, until he was right underneath you.

"Hi," he said, dissipating some of the tension. You grinned.

Carmy's face between your legs was a sight you couldn't get enough of, and the change of perspective was really doing it for you. His eyes were half-lidded as he kissed the inside of your thighs. His tattooed fingers moved your panties to the side; he had insisted you kept everything on.

"I'll tap your thigh three times if I want out," he said; his breath on your pussy made you shiver.

"Okay," you swayed your hips a little, already worked up from just thinking about it. "Fuck. I don't know how to do this," you said, holding on to the headboard, your knees by the sides of his face. "Promise you'll tell me if something's wrong," you said, locking eyes with Carmy.

"Promise," he said.

He pulled on your hips until your pussy was just over his mouth. He took a deep inhale and started lapping at your wetness, small licks at your clit and long strokes up and down. You rolled your eyes and let out a long moan. As he grew more confident, he held on tighter to your thighs, pulling you downwards, keeping you close.

He sucked on your entrance, which felt nice, but it would drive you insane if it was on your clit. Gently, you grinded backwards, until his mouth was right where you wanted it.

"Holy fuck," you mumbled, staying there, back arched, while his hands caressed every inch of your legs, his touch over the tights making you hum with pleasure. "That feels so nice, Carm, so nice."

He kept sucking diligently until you were on the edge of your release and then let go. You sighed, frustrated.

Carmy went back to licking gently and kissing over your pussy, almost making out with you down there. You ran one of your hands through his hair, caressing, trying to return even a fraction of the pleasure he was giving you. He tugged on one of your garters and let go, spanking your thigh. You chuckled, loving the feeling. He went faster, humming into your pussy. You squirmed and held on tighter to the headboard, still determined to not lose control. Suddenly, he stopped sucking on you, gently biting on your thighs instead.

"Use me," he said, and then went back to sucking on your entrance.

When you tilted your hips backwards, he froze, making you grind again and again. A glance behind let you know he was touching his cock and groaning. He liked it.

You shifted a little, finding a comfortable position and started riding his face in earnest, the tip of his nose grazing your clit and his tongue fully out, caressing every fold and nerve. It was so good.

"Oh, fuck," you let out desperate noises, the beginnings of a delicious orgasm building in your belly. "Caaarmyyy," you dragged the vowels of his name into a high pitched sound.

He hummed again, vibrating into you. You could feel his right arm picking up speed on his cock.

When he went back to sucking, you grabbed his face with both hands and kept him there, on your clit until you came with a scream, too caught up in ecstasy to worry that you were squeezing the sides of his head with your thighs. Everything was white, hot, and electric.

"Fuck," he mumbled, neglecting his cock to squeeze your ass and hips, licking every drop of arousal you gave him.

"You okay?" you asked from above, panting heavily.

"Yes, perfect," he replied, his eyes wide with lust. He was still kissing and touching greedily. "Turn around."

You did. His hands guided you back above his mouth, only now your clit was on his chin and you had a clear view of his erection. You leaned forward to touch his cock, give it a couple of pumps. Underneath you, Carmy squirmed with pleasure but pulled you back on his face, away from his cock. You didn't have time to argue - his mouth was devouring you, worshiping you. The wet noises he was making were driving you insane.

His right hand gave your pussy a gentle caress, taking your arousal to use it as lube to pump on his cock.

"Holy shit, Carm," you gasped - watching him, listening to him, feeling him. It was all too much and before you realized it you were coming again all over his chin. "Fuck."

The orgasm was short, leaving you more frustrated than anything else, especially compared to the one you had before. When Carmy stopped licking, you pleaded:

"One more, can I have one more, please?"

"Yes," he sighed, warm air hitting your pussy and lighting you up again.

You leaned forward, bracing on his chest while he made you lose control once more. You used the position to play with his nipples, enjoying the feeling of him moaning into you. He snapped your garters once again in retaliation, and it made you shiver. Your grinding was becoming frantic, the hand on his cock echoed your rhythm. You moved backward until his tongue was right on your clit and his nose poked lightly at your entrance. You were so close to your release it hurt.

"Right th- right there, baby," you said, one of your hands caressing his chest and the other playing with your own breasts, staring at Carmy's weeping cock.

It built up beautifully - his moans with yours, your nails teasing over lace, his fingers holding tight to the flesh of your hips. And his mouth, fuck, his mouth.

You came with a scream, thighs shaking around Carmy's head, watching him come too while still feeling the aftershocks yourself, still grinding lightly on his nose and chin.

Slowly, you dismounted, feeling like you were made of jello, weightless and giggly. Once you got face to face with Carmy you found he was smiling too. Gently, you fixed his hair and wiped his face with a tissue. You handed him another for the mess on his stomach and chest.

After, you kissed his chin, his nose and his lips multiple times, getting the tangy taste of your arousal on your tongue too.

"Thank you," you said, feeling giddy and satisfied.

He ran his fingers down your side, until they landed on your tights.

"Thank you," Carmy said, arching an eyebrow that seemed to say 'This was my fantasy, remember?'

You smiled wide and kissed him one last time.

"Shower?" you proposed.

He nodded and followed you.

[Part 6]

@th3h0nkz

#yes i need to find jesus thanks for your concern :)#carmy x reader #carmen berzatto x reader #carmy berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto fanfiction #carmen berzatto x you #carmy berzatto x you #carmy x you #replies

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thecoolerliauditore · 2 months ago

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I remember last year finally watching Pearl and Scott's last life and. I think I experienced... the same thing that people who dislike FH did in 3L but with Pearl? I was encouraged to watch it by a friend because they said that gaslight gatekeep girlboss was super wholesome and loyal to each other, and that Scott even turned red rather than hurt either of them. But when I watched it, idk it wasn't as bad as I've seen some people describe FH but I was just struck by how often Scott calls Pearl insane or crazy or unhinged just for... existing? Playing the game? Being just a little bit silly sometimes no more than anyone else? He acted like she was a wild animal he had to reign in even though she didn't do anything crazier than what he did. Sometimes he would just randomly call her insane it felt like. It made me finally understand what people meant by those words being ableist with how often he threw them around! It got really uncomfortable!

I got sold GGG as a very cute wholesome winners POV, and I guess compared to everyone else in LL it was, but only if you compare it to other LL teams. People said he was suddenly mean to Pearl in DL, but he mostly repeated a lot of the things he already said about her in LL! I was expecting there to be some shift in how he treated her. Makes me scared to watch Jimmy and Scott's 3L POV if this is what people consider Scott being wholesome!

FASCINATING. this might be my cue to go rewatch GGG Last Life.

I'll be very open and say it's been a fair amount of time since I've sat down to rewatch LL, so I might be looking back at Scott and Pearls relationship with rose tinted glasses -- I spoke a little bit on the soft manipulation that existed between them still, like when Scott yelled at Pearl to kill Joel, but my impression of them is fairly wholesome. Then again I watched LL first and didn't have the context from 3L so the first time I watched their POV it was just. Haha funny blue man cute accent.

So take the rest of this with a grain of salt, at this point I'm fully prepared to say something like "Scott never hit Pearl" and someone will link me their equivalent of the sugar cane scene from 3L lmao.

So I can offer up some semblance of an explanation, if that helps at all to explain the perception gap. One thing is like you said, they were wholesome in comparison to the rest of the teams in LL, which I'd argue were the most disastrous in the series with the damage the "reds can't team with non-reds" rule did to them.

3L teams were also pretty bad, but when you went to compare FH to other teams you had other duos like DD and Renchantyn that had their own issues but served as a very solid point of reference for how they seemed to genuinely respect their partners. Thinking about the clip where Grian and Scott leave Scar and Jimmy to pull the lever on exploding Monopoly Mountain and Grian is trying his best to say he's worried for Scar through gritted teeth because he's Grian and Scotts just like. Well Jimmys probably gonna screw this one up 🙄 A very one to one comparison point presented directly for the viewer.

Scott and Pearl, on the other hand, were the only duo in LL amongst a bunch of massive teams that were falling apart all around them. It gave them this "us against the world" feeling, so to speak.

Maybe if Team BEST was more honest about being Teams BE and ST then we would've had a better comparison point and Scott and Pearl would've seemed way more insane, but then again I've had people vague to me that LL Ethubs is their 3L FH so I'm biting my tongue on this one.

Another thing that I think is more poignant is the factor of hindsight. Scott calling Pearl insane Now is horrifying because of what he did in DL and his calling her that being very much more serious.

In LL Pearl really didn't have any baggage attached to the word "insane" afaik? Unless she got upset at him and I've just forgotten cus it's been too long which is a very likely possibility.

So at the time it just seemed like. Pearl being Pearl and Scott gripping his head in stress and going aughhhhhhhhh ahhhhhh. Which is like. Fine at least to me. Her antics made his blood pressure go but he still went along with them more often than not and stuck by her side.

"She didn't do anything crazier than he did" is SUPER true btw LL Scott is a menace but I also must point out this is a point in hypocrisy but also a point in Pearls personality rubbing off on Scott that season. He was always a crazy arsonist but now he's a crazy arsonist without the angst.

Like the POV is haunting to me now that I have the context of DL and beyond and Scott being serious about the "insane" thing but before I got that context it really did just look like. Pearl being some sort of animal that has wandered into Scott's base and started gnawing at the curtains and Scott trying to scare her away with a broom yelling at the top of his lungs YOURE INSANE. YOURE INSANE. But also the creature if it leaves will Take All of His Lives Away so he has to learn to live with her and through her learn to be a little more chill. Which is the main appeal of that POV, to me at least.

compare say. The part in LL where Pearl steals one of Scars crystals and is genuinely being silly and antagonistic by running around giggling. And Scott's thrown his hands up and going "I DONT APPROVE THIS BUT IM NOT HER BOSS DONT LOOK AT ME". To Episode 2 of WL where Pearl is like? A little bit cheeky to Gem and Gem literally scolds Scott for not "controlling" her well enough and Scott apologises and promises he'll do better. <- ?????? Everything I type out this interaction I have to remind myself it's real btw like what.

and I must say they do have a lot of really genuinely cute moments that season that might be blinding me shoujo sparkle style to the horrors. Like their staring into each others eyes ritual thing for boogeyman assignments, for example. Compare that to the um. Axe crits.

ANYWAY. fascinating insight. To rewatch Pearls POV I go (<- clown makeup is locked and loaded)

#asks #long post

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blurredfloweryblood · 21 days ago

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GUYS, GUYS, I swear I'm so normal about Daisuke being misunderstood! I swear I'm not foaming at the mouth when people cannot actually process him making mistakes and still being a victim!!! IM SO NORMAL YOU GUYS! I swear I don't grind my teeth when people have to adjust Daisuke to the "perfect victim" syndrome because "he is such a baby :("

But seriously. Ugh. My god. He is not a baby. He is young, yes. And I truly understand him. It's impossible not to. He's good, right? He's good. But in the world they live in, good is not enough. He is a victim of the deluded work culture that his parents try to force him in. He wants to dream, and live his youth, and play games and draw and play baseball. But he also wants to make his family proud. And if the only way of doing that is getting a internship he doesn't want, well, he will. He doesn't really know what to do with his life, and he feels himself drifting away. When people your age have all these accomplishments and degrees and jobs, and you just, don't even know what you want to do, because there are a lot of things you like, but none of them are encouraged by people around you. They just smile tightly and pat your shoulder and say: "You are so good!" "Such a good kid!" Because they have nothing to say about you. Nothing more. You're good, and you're not exceptional or amazing, or talented, or smart. Just fucking good. And ironically, in the internship, nobody cares if you're good. Or if you are a kid that is still feeling new grounds alone. There is no patience, and time is slipping away. And you have no job, and you're such a kid; and your mom doesn't look at you the same, and you know what she's thinking. And you just want them to say that they love you still. But I guess you have to make them miss you, first.

So when your mother's eyes sparkle at you accepting the internship, well, you take it. You smile and say "thanks!" And you will do your best. You never really liked climbing, maybe because you're afraid of heights. What if you fall and then you can never get up again? But she's just, tapping her fingers and serving you food twice and she looks so happy and you hate it. Because she doesn't like you. She loves you, but the person you are, she didn't like.

The internship is... fine. They put you last minute in the Tulpar, and you just really want them to like you, so they put good opinions and you can come back. So you can say that it worked out and not return a failure, and never have to look at the disappointed and missing look your mom gives you, again. And you try your best. You're still kind of bad at engineering, but you can learn! Swansea kind of doesn't like you, but he's fine! You make mistakes and you're clumsy, and everyone looks at you like a kid who brings someone a mud pie and they're kind of disgusted but smile anyways, and it's fine! You can totally work with that! Please let it work out, you think to yourself when you're in bed. Please just let me work this out. Please. Please. Please.

The Captain says things that you don't understand, and Anya tries to explain her psych questions, because you just don't fucking get them. But she's patient and hears you out, and listens and writes. And you bring her drawings, and pins them on her corkboard. And she cares. She's kind of distant but, maybe you're not totally alone.

In Curly's birthday he says something about being promoted, and something about you being terminated. You wish you didn't understand that. But man, you can be smart in the wrong moments. But that's fine! You'll try again. And again. And again.

And, well, I mean, Jimmy is kind of... well, off putting, you guess? But if he's the copilot then he knows what he's doing right? He's capable or an expert of whatever so maybe the sinking feeling in your stomach is just you being silly. Daisuke you're so stupid, you think in your head. They know what they're doing, so just do what they say. If you're good, then you'll be better. And someone will be proud. You won't just be "good" you'll have a job and whatever comes after that, you're not sure.

And then the ship crashes and everything changes... And it's still the same. You're closer to everyone and you're alone. You don't know where to go, or what to do. Nobody tells you what you should do, and you bounce on your toes back and forth, antsy and anxious. You should know what to do, right? You should do something... Anything, you don't know? Nobody told you this would happen! Nobody said shit! Holy shit what are you going to do? Are they going to fire you? Oh no. No. No. No. What are you going to tell to your mom?: "Sorry mom, the ship crashed and we're all fired :( But I promised I did everything right, I'll just get another internship :)" And she'll just, sigh and say: "Sure."

Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure.

And then there's mouthwash. Just. Fucking. Mouthwash. There is nothing. Nothing. What. the. Fuck. You were here, for months to carry stupid, useless, motherfucking mouthwash??? Is this supposed to be a joke? Holy shit, look at me, I spent eight months in a cargo ship that delivers mouthwash! Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Why couldn't it be, like, tools or, you know, any other thing??

And Jimmy is everywhere. Like, everywhere. Just lurking around. And Swansea doesn't want you near him, and Anya is just, in the medical aid, with this angry and tired look in her eyes. This frown that you don't get. Maybe you never knew them at all. And they don't know you. Is this what it is all about? You are all just... Never going to understand each other? Live together for eight months and change cargo ships and do it, over and over and over again?

And you try to be cheerful, you really do! Someone's gonna have to, right? But you're just... so tired. And you want to cry, and tear out your hair and scream and throw yourself off the ship. And you think, mom, mom, mom. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You did nothing. You are nothing. Look at you! Good kid! Good little lap dog Daisuke! Good little failure Daisuke! Couldn't even finish a job on mouthwash!

Was this meant to be? Where you born to be... Nothing? Did you do something bad? Was it your grades, or the time you broke a vase, or never getting further than junior baseball? Was it the time you ate all the cookies and you got sick? Oh my god? What if it is meant to be? What if this is it?

And, well. You listen to Jimmy because he's supposed to know what he's doing, right? Anya is trapped and you don't understand what she says, but you can't lose her. You can't. She made you happy, in the time where you talked to her. And you don't want to be alone. Please don't leave. Please stop.

And Jimmy tells you to climb the vent. And you know about the vent. Swansea talked about it all the time, and it makes you queasy because he's in the back of your head telling you not to do it. Don't do it Daisuke, you'll hurt yourself, don't be a dumbass. But... Anya locked herself and Jimmy just doesn't stop with telling you all these things. That it will do you good, and Swansea will be proud, and you will stop Anya and she will be back on your side. And you won't be alone, and you finally get to do something. Someone is telling you what you do. It makes you queasy, but your mom and dad always told you that you have to do things you don't like to get far in life, so, this is what they mean right? Just a couple of loose cables. You got this. You do. Finally, you get to be useful.

And you fall. And everything hurts. You feel tired and everything is blurred and you're heaving but you won't cry. Big boys don't cry. Anya will fix you up. She fixes everything. She will know what to do, and then she will unlock the medical bay and Swansea will say that you did very well. Not just good. You did the right thing.

And you look at Anya. And she's fucking dead. And you smell the vomit, and the blood and you want to curl yourself to her side and cry. She's dead. You're doomed. You were too late. Jimmy is shouting and you unlock the medical area and your eyes are wet. You can't help it, you know big boys don't cry but you can't help it. She's gone. And you have nothing else. And then Swansea wakes up and he looks at you with a frown on his face. You really fucked up again, didn't you? You never did anything right. You have always been a fuck up, haven't you? Man, that's so pathetic.

You can barely make out what he says. But he is saying that he wanted you to have a future. To not have to stretch yourself thin for Pony Express. That you had time, and you could've been great. And you want to laugh, but you cry instead: "Hear that, mom? I could've been great! I... I could've been great."

And he lifts the axe, and you're not afraid. You will sleep, and you close your eyes and think when your mom would tell you stories and run her fingers on your hair. Mom, I could've been great. You would've been proud of me. Please don't find me, believe that I did good and I'm out there doing great things. Don't miss me, you'll be fine. Maybe you were better off without me, anyways.

And then, you die. Here lies Daisuke. Good kid. Useless ray of fucking sunshine. Everything he could've been. And nothing he was. Here is to life! And death! And youth and dreams! And to corporate, and their stupid, dumb lies. Vague in space, no one has to know you were a failure. No one will never know. And that's okay. It's not like you mattered anyways.

#daisuke mouthwashing #mouthwashing game #mouthwashing #indie games #horror games #character study #character analysis

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