adrian---murphy

[adrian---murphy]

A chortle came from her response as he shook his head slightly. Some people just had resting bitch face — even him at times — but this woman was more than that. Her dark hair framed her face shape in a complimenting way, and he imagined that if she smiled a little she’d look much more friendly and approachable, but also knew that women were tired of hearing that (for good reason) and it was the very reason they didn’t smile. Hell, Adrian felt like a douchebag for just thinking it. “Well see now that’s sad, cause it’s a nice face.” He almost stammered as his hands made some weird cupping gesture in the air, as if from a distance he was measuring it. “ You got symmetrical eyes. Really feminine jaw, too.” He awkwardly offered.

“Trust you? No, I trust everybody. It’s a horrible habit, really — of course I don’t trust you! You caught me in the women’s room with my fly open and have every single opportunity to blackmail me for the rest of my life!” He frantically admitted. “ You’re in the position to send me to jail or make me clean your house in a french maid outfit if you wanted.” He sighed. In spite of his demeanor, Adrian was a pretty big guy. Big enough to make a soft thud sound as he leaned heavily against the wall of the elevator shaft. His eyes closed for a moment as he breathed, suddenly feeling claustrophobic. He wondered how he’d always managed to talk himself into these kinds of situations and why his luck was so poor. He wondered why  he even bothered to try at this point since he seemed to be fated to fail. We wondered —-

“Whatddya mean?” He asked, lips pursed and brows furrowed. Was she going to get him a job as a janitor? Slow on the uptake as usual, Adrian was unsure what the woman’s real plans were even more now as she had only moments ago offered to help, but now seemed to be screwing with him again. He was teetering, but her latter comment was the straw that made him tilt to her making a joke. 

“Pfft, yeah right.” He scoffed. “There’s no way I’m gettin’ this job at this point — I embarrassed myself way too much for you to do anything but tell them what a perv I am and even if I did get it, there’s no way I could take it and have to see you here every day after all this. I bet you work on the floor with all the other beautiful women and once you tell them about me you’re all gonna peek around the corner at me in my cubicle and laugh and it’s gonna be like high school all over again.”

“That’s just my face.” Her voice was deadpan, but it was an admission of truth. Whether or not she told the truth she wagered he wouldn’t entirely believe she was telling the truth anyway, so why bother. He looked defeated, beaten and bruised by the world but most of all, completely spent on guessing what kind of a person she really was. Tabi felt it a waste of time opening to up to every new person she met, and while he hadn’t gotten to the core of her personality she did take a particular interest in his temperament. It was like picking a kitten in a bag on the side of the street. Tabitha did feel a tad responsible for his progression, now that she thoroughly delayed his original plans and did nothing but conjure new insecurities.

A smile cracked through her unreadable expression. “If I’m offering help, I’m not being sarcastic.” She laughed to herself. “You must really not trust me.” She tried to read his eyes, but like before all that filled them was lost and hopeless fear. It was almost criminal to keep in on him, it would only be met with doubt and confusion. “Now that was sarcasm. I think you have a fair chance..” With no morsel of judgement in her body and her eyebrows softened, the least critical her face had been the entire morning.

“Yeah that doesn’t mean during business hours my friend.” She smiled while she pretended to scold him. “A janitor’s a respectable enough position.” She agreed, nodding her head. “But why not make more money for less work?” If she was going to really sell him, Tabi wagered it would be heavily influenced by an equal amount of instilled confidence. “And if you get this job maybe we’ll go out and I’ll buy you some shoes as much as mine so we can match.”

[adrian---murphy]

Her coddling felt forced and condescending, and Adrian was beginning to wonder if the pretty stranger had less-than kind intentions for him in comparison to before, when he thought he was simply dealing with a lady who was scared to find a big, burly man in the women’s room. He narrowed his eyes at her for a moment as if it would help him see something he was missing, but the woman’s dark eyes and tightly pressed lips gave nothing away. “ You got one hellova poker face, you know that?” He said with a shake of his head. 

With a deflated groan, Adrian turned to face the woman with the look of a kicked puppy coloring his expression. She seemed almost genuine in her attempt to comfort him, but her monotone and overall lack of amusement on her face left room for him to wonder, much to his chagrin. “ Are you messin’ with me? I’m not good at reading people, but you gotta be messin’ with me, right? Because you’re right about the emotional damage thing but now you’re talkin’ like I actually have a job here when I don’t…”

The elevator doors opened with a clear dinging sound that was enough to make Adrian push himself off the wall and start walking with the brunette into it. He slunk his way in, head hanging as he moved his way to the back wall. “It’s easy for you to say that since you look like you got a stable job and your shoes probably cost more than my rent.” He noted with a nod towards them. She was well-dressed but still professional, and she no doubt was a valued asset otherwise she wouldn’t be so confident. It was something to admire as well as envy.

“At this point, I mean…. I’d take a job as the nighttime janitor just to make a few bucks. It’s honest work, and at least then I’d have an excuse to be loitering in the bathrooms, right?” He tried to joke, a pathetic and small smile gracing his lips as he looked towards the brunette for some sympathy. Why, he couldn’t say, but in spite of how many jokes she’d made at his expense already, Adrian still found himself leaning into her with the desire to make her laugh or at least like him a little bit. He was a people pleaser by default, but he also just liked to be liked in general. 

To be able to turn the tide of a room was a skill not many people knew the term for, nor had the talent of enacting. Turning on a certain sweetness, switching to another tone entirely on a dime was something of an exercise for Tabitha. For the fortunate means of her new friend’s anxiety, she meant it all with good intentions, even if at the end of the day it was textbook manipulation. She knew he’d either stay or get on the elevator and if and when he did, it would either be because it was in his best interest to or because he wanted to.

In his case it seemed he was less likely to look for any peg to climb the ladder, as disadvantageous it was. If he did get the job, she told herself she’d have to teach him how to grow a spine sometime or another, despite the fact that their departments would never have any business together. A very small part of his quick response fed her ego, something of a combination of pride in herself and in his swift defeat.

She looked down at his hand as it gripped hers tight then released, only now becoming aware of the thoughtless action. It made her smile knowing he couldn’t stop his body from reacting, despite the fact that he was crawling back into his shell already. His head bumped along the wall and she hissed under her breath, assuming there was some degree of pain. “Aww, it’s gonna be okay..”

She placed a patting hand on his back. “You’re gonna quit on account of me?” It was only minutes after she’d played this card that she was already pulling it again. “I think you’re being a bit dark, I’m not even that scary.” She removed her hand, not as embarrassed to have to kept it there for a few seconds longer. She couldn’t even remember the last time she’d been embarrassed by anything. “I do think we’ve done enough emotional damage to you today, we don’t need to make it worse by banging it into walls.” She signed, looking at him with concern. “Don’t be so sad. You’re supposed to save that for after you get the job.”

[adrian---murphy]

Adrian felt heavy hearted as he tried to hype himself back up for the task. He should have felt at ease being out of the women’s room and such an awkward situation, but his anxiety was still high, even if for another reason. He needed this job, but why was the process of getting one so daunting? His present company wasn’t helping. Her constant jabs were funny, but still hurt his already non-existent pride. “I like to think I am. I’m in debt for it, so…” He mused anxiously. Like all people who got Liberal Arts degrees or were English majors, Adrian was struggling to hold a steady position that paid well and wasn’t going to take one hundred hours a week with no overtime pay while staying afloat and paying off student loans. 

“Ha, well I–” Adrian began, but it only took a few seconds after her words sank in for him to whip his head around so fast his neck got a stitch. “ My nice what?” He echoed, eyes wide in shock and confusion. Subconsciously, he touched his lips with his fingertips and blushed a bit, ripping his hand away when he noticed what he was doing. “ W-w-well I really need this job, s-so I gotta suck it up and try. I need any job, really…” He stammered. It was cringe-inducing and embarrassing, but for Adrian, who seldom received compliments for anything, let alone his looks, hearing something so blunt gave him reason to tap into that childhood stutter that got him out of public speaking and a couple detentions. 

Mumbling to himself under his breath, Adrian was mid-scolding himself when the woman switched gears. Like a racecar or a light switch she was the docile one. Somehow her entire exterior had changed and she was departing with the look of a kicked puppy and a pout that would bring any man to their knees. Without thinking, Adrian raised his voice as he grabbed her hand to stop her from walking away. “ No!” He yelled, quickly seeing what he’d done and snatching his hand away. “ No that’s not — that isn’t what I was saying I was just… Look, you're very confusing, okay? And very distracting. And I’m very confused very easily. “ Adrian huffed, turning from her slightly as his brow furrowed. He had no idea he was playing right into her hands, or even why he stopped her, but it was all making him dizzy. 

Without thinking, Adrian stopped, faced a wall, and placed his head on it as if putting himself in time-out. He felt overwhelmed and overstimulated, and the more he tried to untie all the knots in his brain, the more the dizziness overtook him. He closed his eyes and let his shoulders fall, mentally kicking himself. “Maybe you’re right… Maybe I should just leave and give up.” He sighed, dejected and drained. “ I hear there are some really nice soup kitchens in the city…”

“Another expression. Wow, are you sure you’re a writer?” She quipped, arms crossing themselves again now that they stood outside of the bathroom. It was lucky enough for him that they had no additional visitors but the same could not be said for outside of the bathroom, which was busy with people brushing by and she moved to the side since he seemed determined to meet her with such caution. She thought he would’ve been grateful. “It could get worse than me, but it’s nothing for you to worry about. They’re not gonna be interviewing you.”

Tabitha chuckled again, tickled by how self deprecating he was but also how funny it sounded coming from his mouth. “Maybe you should use those nice lips to get the job.” She smirked. “Kidding. Kind of.” She tucked her hands into her arms as she let him continue his over-explaining. “Wouldn’t be the first time.” She said this in truth, just much different losers than what he thought he might be. “They were a lot less self aware than you, though. Not as funny.” She kept his pace, trying not to meet every end of his sentences with something slick to say.

He had a lot of questions, and for every question two more doubts. She almost wanted to tell him that he should go someplace else for a career, that some of the people she worked with were truly heartless and that it was just a way of life. It was easy to come to terms with this as most of the world operated in this manner already and her work often put her in situations where she was deemed ruthless and unkind. Maybe even she was a bad person to other people and if he knew, he might have the sense to find someone else to talk to.

“Oh I get it.” She reasoned, sounding absolute in her response, hanging on the end of her words as she dragged them. “You want me to leave, I get it.” She piled it on. “I can tell when I’m annoying someone. I bet you just want to get through your interview and I’m just making it worse. It’s okay, I’ll leave you alone.” This was a game she was an expert at, and while for the most part it was entirely childish it always seemed to work.

She pressed the button on the elevator to go up when they’d finally reached the doors, waiting for it to make its way down. “I hope you get the job.” The soft sound of the elevator landing chimed, doors opening while two people made their way out and she entered in. A test, no real upset in how he might actually feel as she knew it had nothing to do with her, spinning it back on him. If he wanted to get in with her, he could, intrigued by how he might react to her manipulation. “I’ll save you the trouble of talking to you if I see you around, I’d probably just annoy you anyway.” She laughed, throwing her hand out in a passing gesture, moving her finger over to press a button for her floor.

[adrian---murphy]

There was a hint off a scoff so silent it was barely there given by Adrian as he realized she was being sarcastic again. For a moment, as she said he’d been right, a sliver of hope brewed in Adrian’s chest that something good was going to happen. After she’d dashed his hopes like waves on rocks, Adrian’s shoulders slumped and he returned his face to a narrow-eyed scowl. “It wasn’t even out.” He argued in a mumble. “And I dunno what boys' locker rooms you’ve been in sister, but trust me, we’re all covered up in there. No guy wants to have his junk dangling out around a bunch of other guys. It’s like a car accident where you don't wanna look but you look anyway and regret it instantly and then someone sees you looking and you gotta look away and it’s just… It’s a whole thing you wouldnt’ understand.” 

“Lady, you think if I was that accomplished of an actor I’d be looking for a job writing copy to make my rent?” Adrian scoffed. He had already resigned himself to failure, and he couldn’t exactly be sure that the woman was trying to be serious or not given she’d been less than helpful as long as he’d known her. He pulled his shirt out of his pants, professionalism be damned, and gave himself a moment to take a deep breath. “Nowhere to go but up? I can’t tell if that’s you saying it can’t get any worse than you or not, but I have my doubts given how my day is going. With my luck I’ll probably get arrested for something I didn’t even do at the end of the day. At least in prison I don’t gonna pay rent or worry about food. Three square meals a day, a toilet, shower… I got nice lips, maybe I can get myself a nice boyfriend named Chico to look out for me.” 

As he moved to walk, the woman still talking, Adrian shook his head with another scoff as she gave him reason to pause and answer her. “ Yeah, cause women like you give out your actual number to losers.” He tsked. It wasn’t his intention to be rude, but he was defeated and tired and had no energy to continue painful banter in spite of this being the most he’s said to a woman in the way of conversation in months. “ I didn’t bring a jacket.” He noted. “Not a real one, anyway.” He muttered, finally leaving the women’s room and feeling like a weight had been lifted off his chest. 

“That’d be great. I already hate tiny holes and clowns so getting trapped in an elevator and getting a fear of tight spaces is really gonna round out the CV of my phobias.” She walked beside him for a moment, and he could feel her eyes on him as she matched his fast-paced stride. Even his walk had anxiety, and in heels he imagined it wasn’t easy. “ You know you…don’t have to actually escort me out. I’m stupid and pondering still trying to do the interview so I might not even be leaving yet, and I feel like this is a little much given you’re already not reporting me to the cops for public indecency. Call me paranoid — cause I am — but what gives? Why are you still talking to me? You reached my quota of how long a woman can keep a conversation going with me like an hour ago and that’s before we’d even met.”

Tabitha was smiling as he bit back, unconvinced that he was actually upset about anything other than his initial embarrassment. Her teeth had half bitten into her lip as he oozed out his bits of sarcasm, chuckling at his aversion. “No you’re right, I should’ve been nicer to you.” She added, with just as much as sarcasm as he’d given to her. “That was totally on me and not on the guy whose genitalia was hanging out like a boys gym locker room.” Still, she eased on egging him on, not wanting to push too hard.

“Yeah, you gotta fake it.” It sounded simple enough, but she’d been doing it for years. “They’ve never met you, they don’t know the difference.” It was her job to know everyone and everything, and knowing when and who to bullshit with mattered. In the prospect of saving him time, she knew working smarter would work to his benefit, as most of the current positions were full of mindless idiots who knew which buzzwords to add to their resume. This field, whichever branch he decided to take on, was the type of profession where who you know mattered more than what. “Well you’ve survived me, what could be worse than that? You’ve got nowhere to go but up.”

Again, he was full of words that seemed to have no wall to hold them back like flowing water. The energy of his worry flushed through him, and somewhere in between his word fumbling he said something more bold than nearly flashing her. “I think you’re selling yourself short. Those things are easily accessible, just a mall plaza away.” She gleamed at him, almost all of a sudden. “You wanna sell your soul for my number when all you have to do is ask?”

She hummed a little under her sigh, then stood straight. “Let me at least walk you there. Maybe we can find you a safety pin or something.” She laughed under her breath, turning her body as it started towards the door. “Hold your jacket in front of yourself or something. Worse comes to worse…we’ll staple it.” She was still smiling as she kept his pace, heading out of the bathroom. “I feel like if I let you leave you’re just gonna get lost or stuck on an elevator or something.”

[adrian---murphy]

As the brunette proceeded to explain herself, Adrian found himself cringing at his own fate even harder. He had always had a tendency to make jokes to defuse situations, when he was uncomfortable, or to deal with pretty much anything that even hinting at being mildly confrontational. A history of being bullied as a child had left him with the famed coping mechanism of trying to make everyone around him laugh in hopes that being the class clown would gain friends or at least keep him from being shoved into a locker or trash can. He sadly hadn’t been smart enough to do kids homework in return for protection, and being somewhat of a late bloomer meant that well into high school, he’d held onto these habits. Hitting his growth spurt up and out around sixteen was far too late for him to not have it ingrained in him.

Because of his fallback plan of being funny becoming his go-to when meeting new people, the fact that his joke had gone right over the woman’s head made Adrian want to bash his face into the mirror. “Oh no – no, no, you don’t have to explain grammar to me; I got an English degree which is basically a piece of paper that I paid a lot of money for to say that I am really good at wording words and nothing else.” He nodded, a tight-lipped smile on his face as he slumped his shoulders. He wished he would stop with the jokes, as they were doing little to impress her, but the awkwardness was building. 

“You’re not? I wouldn’t have ever guessed.” He muttered to himself with a soft sigh. “ Tamer than you? No…” Adrian said with a daring tone of sarcasm that was normal for him in most cases, but given how intimidating the woman was, he felt a bit surprised that he managed it. “You’ve been nothing but a sweetheart to me the moment you walked in here and found me in the wrong bathroom with my johnson half hanging out. You could go into hospitality with the way you’ve been putting me at ease.” 

In spite of his sassy attempts at hiding his humiliation with humor, her advice was somewhat useful and more appreciated than she probably realized. Adrian nodded as he committed the information to memory. “So what you’re telling me is to walk in there with confidence? Because in the short time that you’ve known me, I’ve displayed so much of it, right?” He chuckled dryly. He might as well have laughed at his jokes since no one else would.

Shaking his head, Adrian took comfort that at least she got the reference. It meant that she was pretty and had good taste in TV shows, which was rare. “ Pretty sure if I had to, I'd sell it for something useful like a good pair of pants or the ability to read signs on doors or a healthy dose of self-confidence or your phone number…” Adrian paused. The last bit was word vomit that he didn’t really mean to flow, but often his rambling lowered the filter between his brain and his tongue, and the result was always that he was left stunned at his own foolishness for too long to be able to cover for himself after the fact. It left him staring in disbelief for a few moments too many before he found himself nodding. “Alrighty, well, I’m gonna go now. I’m sure any minute a bus or a construction truck or something will be speeding down the road for me to throw myself in front of, so gotta go…” He smiled weakly, heading for the door before he said anything else stupid. 

Half a snort accompanied her laugh. “It’s a saying.” She tucked her hands to cross against her chest, tapping her thumb along her arm. “We is subjective, it’s..” She followed his eyes closely, blank and lost as she tried to explain herself, smile fading on one end of her mouth. “Past your time,” she waved her hand at him before tucking it back in her arms. He was still as worked up as he’d been before. She could probably reach out and touch him and still feel a tremble, like a leaf in the wind.

He seemed courteous enough with no inclination for misplaced anger which most might have in this moment of utter humiliation. “Everything’s real hard, huh?” She asked in the midst of mini-rant, deadpan with the trimmings of a sarcastic tone in her voice. She let him finish, withholding a smile for the sake of his self-esteem, nodding when he shared which higher up he has the misfortune of meeting with today.

“Well..” She sighed, moving from her place across from him to rest against the sink countertop, arms crossing themselves again as she leaned. “I am not Mr. Howard.” she sighed, looking down for a moment, kind of zoning out. “But if it’s any consolation, he’s much tamer than me and his receptionist sucks, she never writes anything down. Just,” she waved a hand at the air. “Go in there and act like you’re on time.” She looked over at him, probably the worst person in the world to provide comfort in a gaze. “Definitely go with pants, though.”

He filled the air with more words, a flowing rush of explanations. Maybe it had something to do with her face, but it was more likely that he felt the need to apologize for more than he had to be sorry for. Still, Tabitha carried an amused grin, pressing a limp hand to her chest. “Oh you’re so sweet,” she rested her hand, chuckling. “As much as I’d pay to watch that I’d rather you use that mouth for grubbing up to me.” She sized him up. “And I found you half naked in the bathroom, that’s almost prison dibs.” Another lofty sigh came from her chest. “Why not?” She shrugged, looking over at him with sympathy, breaking into another laugh. “No just the kind that lives on earth.” Her eyebrows pressed into a bunch, smile alleviating what seriousness she conveyed on her face. “What, you don’t wanna sell your soul for a pair of gap jeans?”

[adrian---murphy]

“We? Who’s ‘we’? You don’t hear voices in your head, do you? Cause I’m already in a shit situation, the last thing I need is to be trapped in here with a crazy lady.” Adrian almost chuckled. He had a tendency to make jokes when he was uncomfortable, nervous, sad, or just when he was existing. The problem was that his jokes were seldom funny to anyone else but him, and hindsight often had him cringing at how offensive and rude things he said often came across as. Still, he was sure there was no saving himself now. 

“Well I didn’t flash anyone on purpose! I’m having a hard day and I’m already being hard on myself so you’re kinda killing my defense mechanism by jumping on the bandwagon of ripping my self confidence to shreds so why not get your own thing, lady?” 

With a sigh, Adrian knew his options were limited, but it was making the choice of how best to ruin his day that was the hard part. “ Mr. Howard.” He said in a defeated tone. “ Might as well so you don’t have to waste your time trying to figure out who to tell about the pervert in the women’s bathroom that wants to get a job here.” He sighed. “ I figure the worst I can do is get arrested on a misdemeanor and spend the night in jail. I could treat in like a free vacation. A nice room, free food, might get a couple friends… Worst comes to worst we don’t get along, but at least I have a funny story to tell when they ask how I got there. Best way to make friends is to make people smile and laugh, right? And who wouldn’t laugh at the guy who went to take a leak in the ladies room, got caught by a beautiful woman who thinks he’s a pervert, broke his zipper and on top of all that didn’t even make it to the interview he was there for because he doesn’t know what size pants he wears and never has a back-up plan. Maybe if I like it, I’ll rob a bank for a longer sentence so I can go to prison and not have to worry about paying rent.  I gotta pretty mouth, someone’ll wanna make me their boyfriend and protect me.”

With a heavy sigh, something dawned on Adrian mid-downward spiral into dismay. His head snapped up and he turned to the woman with a surprised and curious look. “ Wait, help? Did you say help? You’re gonna help me? Why would you – why would you do that?” He stammered. It wasn’t that he wasn’t used to kindness, but given the circumstances and how they had met, Adrian couldn't see a decent enough reason to want to help someone who very well could have been dangerous. EVen he wasn’t sure he’d help himself if the shoe was on the other foot.

Looking her up and down, he cocked a brow and tilted his head. “You’re not a crossroads demon, are you?”

As he tried his hand again at reassuring her at something she couldn’t be more sure of, nodding at him in a way that she knew would convey her sarcastic disbelief. Not that he was paying her all that much attention. Tabitha could hear his struggle, short tempered noises coming from his mouth, the squishing and tugging of something she could only assume was his zipper. Of course nothing she was saying was making it better, that was the point. Still, he seemed to take it with good spirits, as there were far too many men that would’ve said much worse and her much less. For the most part it seemed directed at himself, falling apart piece by piece.

He even turned to face himself in the mirror, delightfully comfortable checking for any other defects in nature. It seemed kind of silly to worry about that now. She chalked up the hand washing to her presence, as she just assumed most men didn’t. He fixed his hair, too, not that that really mattered now, either. Maybe it was the inability to stand still, multitask and focus one thing at a time. “We love a man with good hygiene. I don’t think you’re getting any points for flashing but at least your hair is nice.”

He might’ve caught the roll of her eyes as he turned, agitated he didn’t know the size of his own pants at his grown age. It didn’t matter, she was already on her phone, eyes lifting themselves from their distraction as she texted through a group chat of anyone at intern level that might be able to retrieve a pair of pants. He seemed to mutter something, but it sounded so incoherent she paid it no mind. “Wouldn’t it be so funny if it was me?” She laughed, tucking the phone in her back pocket. “No but seriously, who for? I’m feeling generous. I’m not the biggest head here but maybe I can help. Cause it looks like you need a lot.”

[adrian---murphy]

"What?! No! I'm not — I'm not homeless! I'm just a moron, okay?" He stammered out. It was unclear to him in all his panic that the woman was messing with him. "I have a home, and a toilet but I couldn't get there in time to use it after— look, this is just a big misunderstanding, okay?" He huffed. To his dismay, she had nothing to help him, and it left him scrambling for ideas. He wondered if he could find a paperclip or stapler around or ask someone else for a pin. He pondered the probability of looking professional with his shirt untucked if only to hide the misfortune that was his pants. Whatever he did, it had to be fast, as his time was ticking away and his ideas were needing fast execution. It didn't help that the woman witnessing his villain origin story was making fun of him.

"Yeh well, y'know, if I'd known that it was gonna be a hearty serving of bullshit topped with a sprinkling of humiliation I might have done the same thing, but I was foolishly optimistic and motivated by the fact that I need to do things like eat food and pay bills. If I make it past today without jumping off a bridge I'll remember to keep some pins and a Tide pen on me in case of emergencies to that I don't have to have another core memory be one of the things that made me want to become an alcoholic."

His fingers were red as Adrian managed to get the zipper to the top with repeated pinching and pulling. He tried to fold and press the fabric over the zipper, hoping it would stay as he moved and could get seated fast enough so nobody would notice. His only other option was to leave and give up, but he wasn't ready to accept defeat. He was anything but a stubborn man, but he could be persistent at times, which was as much of a blessing as it was a curse.

"Oh, you got a voyeurism kink? Good for you. That's nice. That's real nice. You seem like a really nice lady who given the circumstances I'm sure would be helpful and not stand there and watch as a man's life falls into shambles." He remarked with a sigh of defeat. Turning to look into the mirror, he contemplated his appearence before going to wash his hands, as he forgot to. With them clean, he raked them through his hair, attempting to push it back and keep it neat in spite of everything. "I dunno, thirty-something? Maybe forty?" He shrugged, because what man knew those things? " I just look at whatever is affordable in an extra large and buy that. "

Finally turning to face her, Adrian paused as he was taken aback by the full and proper view of the woman before him. Slender and raven haired with eyes like a cat, she reminded him of almost every woman on TV in the 90s that he had a crush on from Janeane Garofalo to Linda Cardellini. Her gaze was like a black widow spider, and for a moment, Adrian was speechless. Uh, W-uh…" He stammered. It took a moment, but he composed himself, his usual paranoia coming back to him as he eyed her suspiciously. " Well now I don't wanna tell you 'cause I'm scared you'll tell him you found me int he women's bathroom with my pants down so I wont get the job…"

It was like listening to a toddler go on a rant, getting lost and back again to no effect. For what it was worth it was at least entertaining, to watch him struggle and worsen his situation by the second. Tabitha had mentally noted that the individual didn’t seem like much a threat, much less a liar. She was less inclined to believe him as he barfed out a bunch of ramblings, and to the comparison of a child he came to no better conclusion. “Oh okay, so you’re sleeping here now, as well as being a pervert.” She nodded at him, feeding into his distress. “I’m just trying to get all the facts together.”

As he huddled to fix his open fly, she held a laugh in tight, mouth curving into a smirk, head tilted to a curve when she watched him fumble with his zipper. A snort might have slipped through if she had been less trained to reign in her emotions, the satisfaction really just began to build. It was just so deliciously unfortunate, so pathetic it almost became endearing. Poor stranger, she thought, no closer to lending a hand.

Her smile faded as soon as she saw him turn to face her, her own dry and emotionless when in his line of vision, head straight instead of perched in amusement. He started up again, and she nodded, then shook her head with wide eyes and finally smiled. “Yeah, no.” She chuckled. “No if my day ever got even close to being this bad I wouldn’t have even left the bed.” Some of her fingers squeezed at her arm, then loosened to hold her elbow as she took him in.

“So you’re here for a job interview..” her chin tipped with an air of disbelief. “You gonna go to your interview with your panties sticking out?” She laughed, this one more honest than the other, more judgmental ones. With a shake of her head, she grinned at his request, and how astronomically unlikely it was that she would ever have such a thing in her possession. “No can do. Must’ve left it at home. Don’t let me stop you I’d love to watch. “ She laughed at his self-deprecation, dialing it in with a smile. “Who’s doing your interview today?” This was actually a unique extension of goodwill on her part. “What size pants you wear, Adrian?”

[adrian---murphy]

Having once been a somewhat overweight and unathletic, gaming middle schooler of mid-level intelligence, Adrian was really no stranger to wanting to curl up in a ball and die. Still, it had been a while since the feeling hit, due mostly to not leaving his apartment for varying reasons in the last couple of months. Oh, how he didn’t miss it. The woman’s dark eyes spoke volumes where she didn’t need to. He would say that he had never seen someone look so unimpressed with his presence alone, but he could very un-fondly remember the first time he had sex,  as well as the second and third.

“ I swear to God the only act I was acting on was peeing. I drank a lotta coffee this morning and it’s really cold in this building for some reason. Like I swear they jack up the AC the way they do in cop shows when they’re about to interrogate people. Do you ever get really cold and just suddenly need to pee? Cause like I swear in the winter sometimes I’ll be in a really deep sleep and the cold hits me and I gotta wake myself outta my sleep to go to the bathroom and that’s kinda what happened now. Not that I was sleeping here, I just mean it was cold and I had a lotta coffee to get me through the morning but I said that already and I swear I wasn’t in here trying to do anything but pee.”

Adrian took a breath. He was not helping his situation by any means, and he knew it. Still, the world wasn’t ready for him to catch a break, as her commentary made his cheeks redden even deeper. “ Aw shit,” she muttered as he turned his back to the woman. Fussing, he hastily tried to zip his pants, his shirt getting caught in the fly in the process. Frantically tugging, Adrian grumbled to himself between pleas to his clothing for them to cooperate. It fell on deaf ears as all his tugged ripped the zipper right off. 

“Oh you gotta be shitting me!” He hissed. The tiny piece of metal seemed to mock him silently as he glared at it. Finally managing to get his shirt freed, Adrian glanced over his shoulder at the woman before returning his attention to his hopeless attempts at getting his zipper up. 

“You ever just have a really bad day that you knew you shouldn’t have even got outta bed that morning because you just knew the world was gonna take a giant shit on all your hopes and dreams but you got up anyway because you need a job and you figure the worst that can happen is you die, but then you live and that’s so much worse?” He chuckled nervously, without humor. “ Cause that’s kinda how my day is going now and – shit!” He swore, the zipper flying from his grasp and going under a stall. 

“Yep, that tracks…” He nodded. His lips pressed into a firm line, Adrian turned to face the woman. “ My name is Adrian. I was here for a job interview. Say, you wouldn’t happen to have a safety pin on you, would you? Not for my pants, I just want you to stab me in the neck with it and let me bleed out right here.”

Tack this meeting along with the countless others that could’ve been condensed into an email chain, even a zoom call. Why they had ever returned in office was beyond her. Her role in the company didn’t even require her to be present for most of the hours she was paid to, and the crumbs of what she did need to know at the meeting were just as insignificant as the entire thing itself. No one in the room would be able to discipline her for an absence, and really her presence was a courtesy.

That being said, she did her obligation and kept her word on completion of the presentation. She was sure the intake of her role soaked in as little as the rest of this useless corporate formality, but there was a quick light at the end of the tunnel. One of the more annoying things about this business was the disingenuous nature of small talk. It was something Tabitha hated the most, because she knew nothing better than to twist words and search sentences for meanings behind words unsaid. Her entire reputation was based on her ability to manipulate and manage fires, and being around people whose reason for living was to suck the soul out of their bosses the long way filled her with a sense of misguided rage. It took her out of the room swiftly, set on the bathroom some corners away where no one would mindlessly mingle.

Shock knocked the wind from her throat and stifled her anger in an instant upon entering the bathroom. Her body stiffened, half for the primal instinct to defend herself against a man, the other simply because he was just as spooked as her. Fear was probably the last thing her expression conveyed, as he seemed more scared of her than the shit he currently stood in. Tabitha glanced at his eyes, almost as if in assessment. She also did a one over of his entire figure, as she did with everyone else she’d ever met. The steady stream of word vomit was a flag of honest admission, and for the most part this came to be true.

“You’re definitely talking way too much to be lying. That or you’re just guilty cause you were caught in the act.” He caught her at a curious moment, demeanor upended by this strangers unfortunate turn of events. “Its hard for me to give you the benefit of the doubt when I can see the Hanes 10 pack flannel pick of the week between your open fly.” Judging eyes were now joined by a smile. “You wanna tell me your name and why they let you in the building? Why are you here? Cause I know they don’t let people in just to piss.”

[adrian---murphy]

Black Cat gf + Golden idiot BF

Who actually enjoyed interviewing? The answer, of course, was no one at all. Still, there were bills to be paid and food was needed to live, and neither of those things would happen on an aspiring game developer's non-existent salary. For this reason alone ( and the fact that he didn’t want a roommate ever again), Adrian had marched his way into the fifth building of the day, a towering feat of fine architecture that was primarily a law firm, but rented out offices and even entire floors for freelancer types or small businesses. It was impressive, and intimidating, and made Adrian regret not renting a suit jacket or something to make himself look a bit more professional. Still, at least his shirt was clean. The pale blue button down was as fancy as he got ( or could really afford), and if he got the job he was after, was good enough for an office monkey.

While he wished that his time could be spent working on his game, his degree and experience made writing code and doing basic tasks in someone’s IT department an easy paycheck that would leave him with time to work on his project on the side with no one knowing the difference. 

Seated in the sprawling lobby, people in nicer looking clothing than his rushed around, all busy and important and making him feel inferior just by being there. Still, he needed a real job, and thus was overcoming his awkward insecurities as best as he could while he waited to be called on. It was a bit of a wait, however, and the three cups of coffee he had were not as patient. Between security checks and being switched to a different floor, the java had made it’s way down to his bladder, and fidgeting in his seat didn’t make him look like a good candidate for a job. With a polite inquiry, Adrian shot up and made his way where he’d been directed in hopes to find a bathroom. He held it in as he made his way around the winding floor plan, going through door after door and finding nothing.

It had been minutes, and he was beginning to become worried he’d be summoned and not there, lost in the building or draining the lizard at his time, and became panicked. The panic did nothing but make the urge to pee stronger, and desperate times called nature. At a glance, the empty hallway was inviting enough to make Adrian wander swiftly to the women’s bathroom he saw at the end of a corridor. Why the women’s bathroom was right there but the men’s wasn’t, Adrian couldn’t fathom, but he was in no position to question it when the risk of having to flee the building with wet pants was this strong.

Be knocked first, and heard nothing, knocked again, announcing himself this time. There was still nothing, so Adrian pushed in the door and rushed to a stall. He could be in and out fast enough to not get caught, he decided, breathing a sigh of relief as he let go of what he’d held in. The deep was under a minute, and he quickly flushed and exited the stall. The plan was to wash his hands and make a break for it, but instead, he came face-to-face with the last thing he wanted to see. The dark eyes of a person who was actually supposed to be in this bathroom met him and locked on with a fierceness that made Adrian shiver and cower. He took a step back, his hands in the air in a gesture of surrender. “I-I-I know what this looks like…” He began, a helpless and embarrassed look on his face. “ I’m not a pervert, I swear to God, I just really really needed to take a leak and I asked the lady at the desk but I swear to God this building is worse than a laser tag maze and I couldn’t hold it and nobody was even in here so I thought I could just get in and do my business but I swear to God I wasn’t trying to do anything and I know what that sounds like and what this looks like but please don’t call the cops on me. I look tough but I have pretty lips and I’m really easy to push around and I wouldn’t do well in prison.”