Hi, it is 6 AM here and I have to sleep but I'm writing to you to let you know that I'm very concerned about what I've been reading in the past day.
I heard of the gwg/Logan incident on the day of it happening, but that's not really what I'm worried about. What concerns me is what seems like a consistent & long term systematic marginalization of POC in GW2 fan spaces. To be honest I'm not that surprised, I've had my suspicions since 2020.
I'm not active on GW2 tumblr or any social media at all, other than posting the Tyria Pride announcements once a year, so I don't have much impact outside of the Tyria Pride discord, but I still want to do something. I have some ideas, and am also always open to suggestions.
I would love to chat at some point (it doesn't have to be now, and I totally get it if you're not interested). The Tyria Pride discord isn't huge but it isn't small either, and maybe I have some influence that I can use for good.
Lelling
Tyria Pride Lead
P.S.: I know this can be a source of exhaustion so please do not worry about tone policing yourself or rewording your reply for ages to be "just right", if you do reply to me. (I just spent an hour doing that so I get it, it is now 7 AM). I'm on your side. I'll meet you where you're at.
hey — i hope you don't mind that i'm posting this publicly, but i want to because waking up to this message was a huge relief to me. and as i've tried to explain in other conversations about this, i KNOW there are LOTS of people who have been really uncomfortable through this entire convo but have not felt willing or able to speak up publicly (bc of open threats of ostracization for "being mean" AND observed behavior towards those of us who have said anything) and i hope that reading this will be a relief to them too.
thank you not only for reaching out but also for GETTING what our actual concerns are, bc one of my biggest frustrations through all of this has been people repeatedly twisting the issue so they can dismiss it as squabbling about fiction and then they don't actually have to address the broader patterns we're talking about here; thank you for the assurance that i won't be tone policed, because that's been repeatedly used against us as well ("okay i guess you guys are making some good points but you're being so ANGRY"); and thank you for acknowledging how tiring this is, because i've been made to feel like if i don't keep showing up and being vocal about this, leaving behind mostly the white allies who have been sticking up for us and using their privilege to make corrections and take some of the brunt of the ridicule and backlash, the whole thing will be dismissed as a non-issue anyway. and frankly i don't fucking want to anymore! i'm tired lol!
but i also wanted to springboard off this really kind and reassuring message from you to say it isn't the only one i've received, and that as angry and exhausted as i am, i want to highlight and acknowledge that i have NOT been alone in this. people have been checking in on me, listening to what i and others have to say about it and boosting our statements, changing their minds if they jumped to conclusions earlier, and offering private support and conversation among those of us who still don't feel comfortable braving the environment out here on tumblr — obviously the bad experiences i've had through this are sticking in my head and are really demoralizing, but honestly in terms of quantity and quality i have had MORE experiences of people supporting me and making sure i'm okay. this fandom has massive problems but it also has more of a solid, positive core than i was willing to hope for in the beginning.
i spoke up initially because it was horrible how isolated i felt when this all kicked off; the wider problem is absolutely not fixed, but i can confidently say i don't feel alone or abandoned anymore, and that gives me a ton of hope for figuring this out.
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regarding beandaifuku
hello, people. as you may have known, i have deactivated my old blog (beandaifuku) since about a month ago or so. i really appreciate the love and support received for the blog and the memories created there. as it was my first time creating in tumblr, i am grateful that fun memories were created there, as well as the amount of friends i've made from there
i understand that it was hypocritical of me to delete that blog when i did say i will just keep it archived when i first moved here because i understand the feeling of having works you like deleted. firstly, i am sorry for that. so, i created a collection in AO3 where i have archived some of my works from beandaifuku to there. aside from that, i also have reblogged a few fics and works such as the headcanons to a side blog. you can visit them with these links
AO3 collection
@keshi-medley
as of why i deactivated the blog in the first place—it is mainly because i want to fully move on from it. the writing, the works—they are quite immature writings, so to speak. there are works that i am NOT proud of and i do not want to see it existing. i know it won't fully get deleted since some people did reblog the works, but at least it will just stay in that bubble.
i have archived some fics but i definitely will not archive ALL works or drabbles i have done. because then, what's the point of deleting the blog if i'm just gonna have all works stay up.
and honestly, i also don't see the point of keeping it up when i do not even use the blog anymore. the blog was also infected with (porn)bots liking and following. and quite a number of my fics were flagged unfairly with community labels. as of now, i am very comfortable with my not-so-new identity and blogs.
now, onto some other things.
i know some people probably noticed my attitude on vampire!nikolai AU. frankly said, i have 100% moved on from it. i lost interest with it. generally, i do not really reblog those posts about writers and readers discourse/opinions—usually about how readers should at least give some comments or appreciation for the works a writer has done. i never talk about it, but that doesn't mean i don't care. in fact, i was heavily affected by it in the old blog.
that happened with vampire!nikolai AU after its so-called hype has passed. i was still enthusiastic about it as there were a few people giving asks about it. but that enthusiasm was not reciprocated, which led me to lose interest about it totally. i have completely moved on and i have other AUs i want to explore and write about, such as my latest ongoing series, Trash Sugar Magic.
on a side note, just saying, one of the reasons i'm not sick of stalker!au despite it has basically ended a few months ago is because some people literally analysed the fic and its details—which is like my favourite type of discussion. trust me, your enthusiasm towards a writer's work will keep their enthusiasm alive too.
i really appreciate people who love and find joy in my old works. i definitely am. it was a hard decision for me to deactivate it either since i know people are still tuning in. matter of fact, i have contemplated it for months and started by slowly taking down/privating the stuff i have posted there. and for that, i am deeply sorry.
these are all the information i could share. i honestly do not want to talk about it and keep the rest of my reasons private. but i hope you guys understand and respect my decision. i have no plan of deactivating doukeshi-kun and/or cherikolya. the worst i do in this blog are just blocking people indiscriminately and deleting old insignificant posts.
tldr; i deactivated the old blog because i have moved on and i don't want to see the fics i'm not proud of stay up and my enthusiasm wasn't reciprocated which led me to lose motivation and interest to continue on with certain AU.
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Part two of how Dead Boy Detectives shows different ways of love/lust/devotion throughout the characters' rs.
Part one
This part is gonna focus on Edwin/Monty and part three is gonna be about Crystal/Niko(bc I can't shut up, apparently)
So before I delve into Edwin/Monty dynamic, let's just take a look at Monty as a character in his own right.
He is quite literally a crow turned human and then turned back to the crow again. There is this tumblr post that describes the concept of madness in terms of eldritch horror. Basic idea is that madness is when you are an ant, but then for a moment, you can comprehend things as a human would, just to have it taken away again. You have a memory of understanding things far beyond your comprehension, but you can't understand them anymore. That is true madness.
And Monty experiences that, both with being overwhelmed with human emotions and it clearly taking a toll on him in the short period that he is human, and then gets turned into a crow again. Clearly there is still some recollection and understanding he possess, due to the fact he helps Charles, but we'll never really know.
Either way, the bits and pieces we see of Monty's life as a human, we can safely say he has very little to no agency of his own. He was created to fulfill a goal-to lead Charles and Edwin into a trap.
I am not usually a big fan of characters who were "born yesterday" experiencing romance and defining themselves through it, but I think DBD carried out that trope in such a beautiful and unique way. We can't know for certain, but based on Esther's reaction to seeing Monty flirt with Edwin, I think we can conclude she didn't give him direct instructions on how to get their trust. Which meant that Monty choose to pursue Edwin on his own volition.
It was at least a bit out of practicality, I'm sure, since Charles and Crystal had their thing going on, but there was also something that drew Monty to Edwin. I think what's so special in their relationship is that Monty seems surprised Edwin reciprocates his attempts-until the kiss that is. Edwin may scoff at astrology, but then he intently listens to Monty explaining his chart to him. He recommends a book to him, and discusses it with him. He even agrees to go on a night stroll with him!
I don't fully blame Monty for reading Edwin wrong. Up until that point, Edwin seemed very open to his advances. It's easy to us, as the viewer to know Edwin's focus is elsewhere, and that he sees what he and Monty have as friendship.
Anyway, I am derailing my point. What I think is done brilliantly is that the very few choices Monty is allowed to make are centered around Edwin, but they also tells us a hell lot about Monty himself! Monty sees love as a way of understanding a person. That's why he makes Edwin's chart, and whenever you believe in astrology or not, he clearly does. And he thinks he knows Edwin. Edwin is determined, stubborn, protective, but also kind and thoughtful.
Which is why it's such a blow when he completely misreads Edwin's feels during the swingset scene! Monty's idea of love, as naive as it, is shattered. Because it turns out he doesn't know Edwin at all. The whole meeting in the woods, where the Cat King appears only crushes him further, but he felt betrayed even before that.
"Charles is the one you have feelings for. It is so obvious!" Sounds quite a lot like someone who didn't find it obvious up until it was too late to take his actions back. Because it turns out you cannot know a person so quickly. They are much more complex. Too complex, for someone who is only few weeks human, like Monty is.
But then, Edwin admits that he still cared for him. That Monty was his first kiss and despite Edwin not reciprocating his feelings, he is still his friend and that still matters to him greatly. Because there is a more than one way to love and care for someone. Which, by the Monty's reaction, he didn't realize up until that moment.
Immediately upon realizing it, what does Monty do? He turns everything around. Yes, the Cat King stops him and exposes his secret so his attempt is moot, but let's not forget the fact that Monty was about to throw away everything for Edwin in that moment. His whole history with Esther, the threat of her possible vengeance, everything he is up until that point. All because Edwin cares for him. Genuinly, truly confirms he cares for him.
I think that's what makes it so powerful. It isn't romantic love that sways Monty. No, it's the thought of genuine care despite Monty's wrong assesmwnt of Edwin's feelings that changes him.
All Monty wanted was to be cared for. Whatever consideration Esther has for him seems more of the consideration someone has for a useful tool at her disposal. But not Edwin. Edwin cares.
It tells us a lot about Edwin too! Edwin, who says "I am not good with people", Edwin, who protested at Crystal joining the agency because she alive, Edwin, who insisted the living are messy. Yet, up until it's revealed Monty betrayed him, he clearly cares so much, taking his case despite it clearly not being top priority. Because he wants to be Monty's friend, even if he can't love him back.
I also think that, if it wasn't for Monty bringing up Charles and making Edwin feel defensive, Edwin would have forgiven him right then and there. I mean like, just look at his face when he asks Monty if he was just pretending to be his friend and Monty says: "At first, yes! But then, no."
Edwin sympathizes. Edwin forgives Simon for killing him and dooming him to Hell. I don't believe for one second he wouldn't be able to forgive Monty if he knew even a fraction of what he endured by Esther. About how little choice he had in the entire matter.
It's really unfortunate they don't get more scenes together because I feel like they changed each other sm in only a matter of days? Weeks? That they had together. Edwin learned to be more open towards things that are not purely rational, ie astrology, and more importantly, he was learning how to open up, and share his interests with people who aren't Charles. As much as I love Charles, he clearly isn't as interested in reading and literature as Edwin is and that's okay! But Edwin had someone to express that side of himself with, who could reciprocate and open new things for Edwin.
I actually do believe that, under different circumstances and with more time, Edwin could have returned Monty's feelings. Which makes the whole thing more tragic, but alas.
Another interesting thing that occurred to me is that both Monty and the Cat King die by the hands of Esther and her cane when they admit to their love for Edwin. Which, I think, once again symbolizes how those feelings are just too big for the state they are currently in. For the Cat King, that love tirns him more mature and somber. For Monty, it's too overwhelming, and he turns back to his old state, unable to handle them. And yet-even in that form, he cannot deny them, not when Edwin is screaming and he has a chance to help Charles free him. Because as much as we try to go back to how we were before, love, even through heartbreak, changes us.
And Simon-Simon also changes forms after accepting his love for Edwin. He quite literally earns his redemption after it. And Charles? Well, Charles comes out of hell, his shirt back to bright red, because Edwin's love uplifted him sm.
Edwin Payne, truly the man that inspires devotion in everyone he meets
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Have you ever thought of potential voiceclaims for your oc, and if yes could you share? :D
SO SORRY FOR TAKING SO MUCH TIME TO REPLY ANON i took this way too seriously 😭😭
okay so the thing is. i've actually made a whole video but tumblr refused to post it even though the video size isn't even that big. and i don't have enough energy to try and fix it so we'll just do it like this.
i'm gonna be honest, i have no idea what to do with my male ocs' voices, like i'm very picky when it comes to male voices and i can imagine my sons' voices SO WELL that i just can't find a perfect voice for them djkdsls. i'm open to any suggestions though! (just so you understand, i literally edited yuno and muu's songs to make their voices sound deeper. i'm that desperate. and they actually ended up sounding a lot like riku and akio.)
so we'll just go with the female characters then!
Guard 002: Andou Miki (VA: Tomatsu Haruka)
Prisoner 002: Hanasaki Aimi (VA: Ueda Reina)
Prisoner 004: Chiba Naomi (VA: Uesaka Sumire)
Prisoner 006: Yoshioka Eiko (VA: Kudo Haruka)
Prisoner 008: Maruyama Yurika (VA: Date Sayuri)
Prisoner 010: Himura Reina (VA: Takahashi Rie)
some things that i want to mention:
i know it would make more sense for miki to have a more "wet cat"-like voice, i've actually thought about giving her kobeni (chainsaw man)'s voice at first, but i think haru's voice sounds a lot more like her. also she will become more confident in season 2, so..
tbh i wanted eiko's voice to be much deeper at first, but all the voices i found were either a bit too intimidating (and maybe a bit too "masculine"?) for her or just didn't fit her personality. so i decided to go with a more chill voice for her and i think it actually does fit her?
maybe it would make more sense for yurika's voice to be more "soft" and quiet, but i really wanted it to show her more "chaotic" side and i think kanon's voice fits her well :)
reina was the easiest character to find a voice for. thank you for existing (even if you only live in my head) reina ily
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