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redspiderling · 3 years

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MCU Breakdown: Black Widow, Part 1

I can’t believe this is happening 😭

First of all, congratulations to all of you who’ve been here all these years. We got it. We begged for years, and it’s finally here.

For once I wasn't dreading revisiting this film to write down what I got from it. I felt more like I might not do it justice. This film is so special to me, but here it is, the MCU Breakdown of Black Widow, part 1 (of who knows how many).

I remember back when I started running this blog and talking about a hypothetical Black Widow movie that had never been announced, always "yeah, we would be happy to do it, maybe, someday in the future", and arguing that it would be important for women and girls, no matter its content. I'm so glad we got it like this. So, so glad.

The rest under the cut.

Let's start with some technical details. The film has a lot of setups and callbacks, nothing is done in chance. For example, I love how the light, and the sounds we hear when we first, and last, see Natasha in the film, are the same. We greet her in bright -birds cheeping- morning light, while she's riding her bike home, to her family

and we leave her in bright -birds cheeping- morning light, while she's riding her bike home, to her family (I'm using the term family very liberally here in reference to the Avengers for the sake of the movie, bear with me, you know how I feel about those dudes).

It's signifying new beginnings, each time, not endings. Notice how, what we see is natural light, which makes this scene pop out, and look more real because the light is coming from the sun, and isn’t artificially made on VFX software. You will notice the stark differences in colours and lighting when the emotions and the atmosphere change in this film, because there is a visual language being employed here, the director has a story to say, and she uses all the tools she has to tell it. The light is exactly the same in those 2 scenes, because Cate wants us to make that connection, even if we make it unconsciously.

Natasha is placed in such a positive way, both at the start and the end of the film. There's this discussion about how "real" their little family was, but it was the characters that muddled up that image. The reality of their lives in Ohio is presented in a happy way, that had deep rivers under the surface, for sure. This wasn't accidental, for a lot of reasons.

First of all, if you take it the literal way, they were spies, and had to present themselves as normal. If you take it the allegorical way, any girl could fall victim to trafficking, and if you take it the character way, both Scarlett and Cate wanted to showcase that Natasha is human. They also wanted to give her something that wasn't always dripping with pain and sadness. They were both parts of her life, yes, but there was also joy, and light, and once upon a time she had been a kid, playing with her sister.

Also, and this has been mentioned before but it bears repeating: I love the actress they chose for young Natasha, and I love how they presented her character. She's allowed to be a young teenage girl. She's not sexualised. She's at that gangly stage between childhood and adulthood, and there's nothing sexual about it, no provocative clothing, no excessive makeup. She's a kid.

Plus, I know Cate said the actress already had her hair dyed blue and they just decided to let her have it, but I think it works well for Natasha's character. That small act of defiance, even that early on, against the system that wanted to break her. Also, the film gives us such great character moments, because they let the camera roll and don't rush through scenes, look at Natasha looking at Melina comforting Yelena. We can see the pain, the fear, where she knows that this isn't going to last, and wonders about what will become of them once their lives begin to unravel.

We also get to see the joy on her face, the wonder of discovering the world, how often do you get to see Marvel characters do this, just live in the moment?

Bioluminescence: the production and emission of light by a living organism. Or how Natasha is a bright light, that shines from within. Not my words, Cate Shortland's words. I felt it when I was watching this scene, but it was lovely to have it verified in one of her interviews. I wish I could meet her, and tell her that everything she wanted to put on screen came through, incandescent and crystal clear. Fireflies are a symbol for Natasha, as a bright light that shines from within, and never dies.

Small details that I love, the magnet on the fridge: Don't forget, above a picture of Natasha. LIKE WE EVER COULD, CATE.

We have another setup here, where the family gathers up to have dinner together. Even the sitting arrangement is the same as later on in the film.

Notice also how both young, and adult version of Natasha, communicate so well with Melina, just with their eyes. It doesn't necessary show a deep history between them, but it does show a bone deep level of understanding. Not just of their current circumstance, but of their future, and of what it will do to them. Melina knows what's coming and she's says it "I'm sorry", but they're both resigned to their fate, Melina because she doesn't see a way out, and Natasha because, well, here she's a kid, and therefore is powerless.

The dynamics between Yelena and Alexei is so different. Yelena is young and doesn't understand, so they're speaking about completely different things. "I don't have my shoes" is what she says, and it's heartbreaking in its innocence, as Alexei is loading his gun and reading himself for battle. We can still see that he's not indifferent to her, telling her she can have "fruit loops in the car". He's not a monster, he just doesn't have a choice (or at least, he thinks he doesn't).

Also, notice how the camera angles are employed here: Natasha and Melina look each other eye to eye, Yelena looks up to Alexei, Alexei looks down on her, there is an imbalance of power and understanding in the second set of images, and the camera tells us that.

Melina doesn't let Natasha take the photo album. For one thing, it's certain that Natasha wouldn't be able to keep it. For another, Melina wanted the memories, and probably didn't want anyone else to realise/think that they cared about their little family unit.

There's just a lot of thought that's been put in the details of the script, to show us their bond, their attempts to hide it, to show the characters' personality in everything around them (notice the plants that are ever present in Melina's home, in Ohio and later in Saint Petersburg). She might seem cold, she has been through a lot, but she cares. And that care has brought her pain. And we have to see that pain, because we get the quiet moments like this one, where she stands alone in an empty home knowing that part of her life is over, never to return.

The mission, is the last thing Melina asks about. The last thing Alexei mentions, the last thing either of them cares about. First, she refused to accept that they had completed the mission and were now hunted, then she accepted it and they loaded their family in the car, and then she asked about the leaked files.

Also, notice how that shot is framed. Both images silhouetted by the light because it’s the moment and the prop smack down in the middle of the frame that’s important, now what they’re going through, emotionally, they’re not themselves in that moment, they’re nameless, tools of the trade, expendable in front of that tiny floppy disk.

Yelena is singing while the rest are plunging in despair, but still humour her and play her song.

I found this shot a bit... Jarring. I get it that for American audiences this would show that they're actually leaving "home" behind, but for the rest of us... Eeeh, I'll give it a pass because it is an American production and this is just something to be expected. I mean, Yelena's song was American Pie. We get it, you still love America, just because you're making a film about Russian spies doesn't mean you're a commie Marvel, it's ok.

But in any case, the setup for the action scene here was excellent. Happy, familiar music playing, car is on the main road, car goes off the main road familiar music gets toned down and eventually completely lost in the darkness.

Yelena knows what to do, we see it, so that we know that this 6 year old girl who holds her stuffed animal and walks barefoot has practiced for this moment.

By the way, Natasha did take another item with her along with the photobooth pictures (it also looks like a photo album with Disney princesses on it), it didn't survive the trip. We are informed of this for a very specific reason: Melina didn’t ask Natasha not to take the photo album out of malice, or just because she wanted to keep it for herself. She knew it wouldn’t survive the trip in Natasha’s hands. We also get a close shot of the image strip (and we get it again, during the credits), because it will be important, later on.

Bet y'all also forgot you were watching a superhero movie until this happened? That wasn't accidental, they wanted us to see them as normal people, this is the moment when that ends.

Natasha saved her family, even though she was a terrified kid.

I know that they did the huge titles thing to connect this film to Civil War but... Listen, Civil War needed the huge titles because that script and the way that movie was directed was a complete disaster. We needed to know where the characters were each time with huge ass title because there was NO OTHER WAY TO TELL. Between complete lack of a timeline, and the fact that you couldn't even tell what time of the day it was due to the horrible lighting, you definitely couldn't tell what the location was because it was irrelevant to the plot like, 90% of the time. Not to mention the title cards in Civil War were usually followed by dimly lit grey corridors so, yeah, give us a title so we know at least where they are, generally.

This film. Didn't Need That. For the most part anyway, there are 2 locations where the titles worked. First one was Ohio, the other I'll reveal later.

But here. Guys, they're Russian spies escaping from the US on a small plane... Where else would they go if not to Cuba?!?! This is the Black Widow movie paying for the sins of Civil War, in a small way in this instance.

Yelena tells Melina that pain only makes you stronger, Natasha cries, and they setup my heartbreak for later.

Natasha protecting Yelena, terrified, and staring men down the barrel of her gun anyway. Such a badass and heartbreaking callback.

Notice how this scene makes us look at how men view this. There's an allegory here as well, but I'll address what's actually happening in the film:

Dreykov notices Natasha's natural instinct to protect herself and her sister, and all he sees is something he can use. A tool for violence, instead of sex, in this case. But the implication is there. Not a person, or a terrified girl, just an object to be used by men.

So glad that piece of shit got blown up and never mentioned again. Any man looking for exposition on Dreykov to feel the "loss" when the villain is gone: Fuck you. Go get some therapy.

Moving on from that piece of shit, difference between Melina and Alexei: Melina apologised. Alexei lied, but he also tried to give them hope. We can see the devastation, because the soldiers never thought of them as girls like he did, and didn't blink before drugging them and taking them away.

Yet another setup, of Natasha and Yelena, drugged and powerless as they are taken away. Because it wasn't enough that they were kids, they took away all their choices, and rendered them unconscious.

What can I possibly say about this credits scene.

It's very real, probably the realest minutes in the entire MCU, and it's merciless. They don't try to sugar-coat what's happening, and there are no jokes to diffuse the drama. These are girls being trafficked from all over the world. I don't know about you but I felt the switch from true parallel to real life traffic victims like this shot that looks like footage from Interpol

to Red Room victims as being a clear shift, and I was actually grateful for it. Because here I could put my back against the fact that the red room wasn't real, otherwise I would have broken down before the credit sequence even ended.

It was a stroke of genius to create an introduction to this entire world like that. We rarely see credit sequences anymore and it's a shame, because when they're well done they tell stories in and of themselves, and this is one of the best I've seen.

Even the villain is set up here. He's pointing at girls and saying "that one, and her", like he's picking pigs for slaughter. How much more setup than that do you need, to want to murder that man dead? Not any more, that was enough.

Nobody speak to me I’m crying.

Subtle, but there. Trafficking (and traffickers) exists because it IS being tolerated by governments around the world.

Unnecessary title aside, who else says Natasha looks at herself in the mirror hear and repeats "pain only makes you stronger", as she's being hunted away from yet another family.

Then she's saying it again because it bears repeating and Natasha has been through A Lot these past few years. I love how unfiltered our first image of her is. After all she's been through, we basically see her stripped of all her tricks in a moment where she’s alone with herself and her thoughts(something we later learn she tries not to do much), and she's just a woman having a tiny breakdown in a semi-public bathroom. Again, human.

This is where I will leave you for this first part. Hey, I got through the intro, I count that as a win given just how long this breakdown has already been. If you’ve gotten this far, thank you for reading, come yell at me in my inbox whenever, see you for the next one xo

#MCU Breakdown #Black Widow #Black Widow Spoilers #Natasha Romanoff #I'd like to think that all my followers have already seen it but just in case

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bansheeoftheforest · 3 years

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I Am Once Again Giving You London Gang!Jekyll Content

Okay but AU where Jekyll accidentally starts a gang though. He just helped people on the street way too often and then one day someone who opposes the Society just.. gets absolutely destroyed by a carriage out of nowhere. Jekyll gets a box with money and a note that refers to him as 'boss'. There are three routes this could then go.

Route 1: Jekyll is HORRIFIED, he did not want to start a GANG, he does not want to be a gang BOSS, but he can't tell them off because firstly, he doesn't know how he'd even do that, and secondly, they just KILLED SOMEONE, who's to say they won't kill him, too?? Jekyll must now try and figure out a way to solve this problem while Hyde has way too much fun (until he realizes the gang wants him dead for lighting their boss's building on fire).

Route 2: Jekyll is the most oblivious man on earth. He thinks one of the Lodgers gave him money as an apology. People who oppose the Society keep dropping dead and Jekyll keeps patching up the same people over and over who really like him for some reason, it is business as usual with how weird everything in his life already is. Someone (maybe your Crawford guy??) keeps trying to point out all the murders and link them to Jekyll but life hates this man specifically and nothing ever gets looked into because of the most ungodly amount of coincidences ever.

Route 3: Fuck it, he needs the money. He'll just wear a mask whenever he's duking it out in gang fights. He is surprisingly good at fighting, or maybe this could tie into the idea of Jekyll having been in a Scottish gang as a kid, but either way he mops the cobblestone streets with his opponents. He becomes one of the most feared and notorious gang leaders in London, and has a habit of targeting aristocracy that he knows are corrupt and abusive from meeting them as Dr. Jekyll at fancy events. Everything is all fine and well until Brokenshire approaches him saying they need to protect the doctor because clearly those in his social circles are being targeted. Sitcom level hijinks ensue.

(Bonus because I know you love your crackships: Jekyll gets challenged to a gang fight and meets a man in a tophat. He struggles a bit more than usual, but ultimately beats him. He is then held at gunpoint by this guy's sister demanding to know how he bested a trained assassin and whoa wait despite this guy having a bruised face now courtesy of himself he is actually very handsome haha ummm wait a minute did he just say that out loud and maybe invited him to get drinks as an apology for nearly kicking his teeth in uMMM- (bi disaster Dr. Jekyll strikes again!!))

Jeks. Jeks, my guy, thank you for making me laugh so hard, this is just... glorious. I love it all. Oh my god.

I don't know that route is best-- I honestly love the oblivious route bc of all the hijinx and Crawford wanting to rip his hair out in frustration and especially if it is a Syndicate au and it's the Crawford Starrick I based him off (which would make a lil less sense since he is gang leader tycoon and probably could have Jekyll killed but sssuuusshhhh) but I also love Henry just... Getting a goddamn Phantom Of The Opera-esque mask, deciding to go absolutely bonkers, painting entire alleyways red with the blood of his enemies, etc etc, and I absolutely love the idea of Brokenshire directly or indirectly approaching him asking him to protect himself, like they know that Jekyll's persona is well feared and a gang leader but they don't know that it is his gang that is targeting people so now Jekyll is the one sending assassins after abusive and corrupt aristocrats but also has a mission to protect himself from himself. Nice. I absolutely love it. I love it all. And I just... Hyde being do giddy until he realises that the gang wants him dead??? Fuck yes. Give me it all. I just love it so fucking much jfc i cant put it inTO WORDS.

Ok. Ok can we please combine the oblivious route with the masked gangleader phantom being the terror of london route??? Henry at first being completely oblivious, not realising why everyone that has ever insulted him and his work are suddenly disappearing one by one, Crawford wanting to rip his hair out in frustration bc "GUYS IT'S FUCKING JEKYLL HOW IS NO ONE SEEING IT" And jekyll just goes "ahah don't be silly Ricky, I'm not a gangleader lol". Henry being completely oblivious as the Lodgers suddenly get stalked by the gang members, only to be protected by them from other gangs or anti-sciences dudes, the Lodgers retelling the story to Jekyll who just goes like "oh wow man. Huh aren't those the people I have been patching up a lot lately. Strange. What a strange coincidence :)" but then a gang member gets really injured and Henry saves them from death and the gangmember is just... going like "wow, you are the best gang leader I have ever had, you are so much better than everyone else." and henry is just like "ahaha i'm a WHAT NOW"

Cue Henry deciding that, fuck it, if they already think of him as a gangleader why not take advantage of it. He has already been in gangs as a kid so he knows how they work. Quickly becomes a gangleader Tycoon, the lodgers/Rachel/Robert are all confused as to why people suddenly have stopped targeting them for robberies and shit and as to why Henry suddenly has a lot of money he spends on the Society and the bills. Henry telling them not to worry about it. He hears about a dude who suddenly has been swiping through all the ot her London gangs like a hot knife through butter, suddenly his gang is targeted so they are challenged to a gangfight. Henry beats the absolute shit out of him, he has him pinned to the ground when he hears a gun loading and he feels the hilt against his back. He is too busy staring into the beaten up guy's eyes to really care, wow he is so hot, the gangleaders demand that he takes off his mask or he gets shot. He instead lets go of the guy and just... Stands up, brushes himself off, tells them "ahaahh thanks but no thanks. also please stop destorying my gang we literally have not done anything provoking to you."

Anyways they agree to have their gangs work together (oh my god what would Henry's gang be called??? I imagine them wearing the colour blue bc the Rooks are green and the Blighters are red (since it's a specifically a syndicate au lol) but they probably would wear red if it's just tgs anyways off topic hehe). Henry invites them to a drink, his tab, they agree, they find out about all the accidental bullshit that Henry accidentally started and just... Yes pls. Also Jacob and Henry getting drunk and flirting like nobody's business, maybe Henry asking if Jacob likes guys and if he doesn't, is his sister single? Evie almost kicking his teeth in, Jacob laughing his ass off. Yes please.

ALso almost completely forgot the absolute scooby doo mystery of the twins trying to figure out who Henry is since he wears a mask and disguises his identity. Imagine them just being like... Who’s that pokemon? It’s dr. henry jekyll-- WAIT IT’S DR. HENRY JEKYLL????

#Gimme the twins giving Henry a hidden blade. Gimme them giving him a cane sword.#Gimme Henry's and the twins' gang beating the shit out of blighters #Man I really want to know about all the sitcom hijinx in all of this #since the twins work with Sergeant Abberline i can imagine abberline and Brokenshire being pals and colleagues #Brokenshire secretly working with Henry (who he doesn't know is Henry) to eradicate corrupt nobles #Abberline working with the twins to break up gangs and to bounty hunt and shit #so much sitcom hijinx with abberline and brokenshire trying to hide that they are working with their respective gangs #until they are going to meet the twins/Henry respectively. All five ends up being at the same place at teh same time #its the pointing spiderman meme. Henry and the twins are laughing their asses off #banshees faves #banshees au #ask #thejeksburyguy #syndicate crossover au #gang au

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writingsfromhome · 4 years

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Bad Timing III

A/N: Okay. This one has it all: action, betrayal, confessions, concussions (again), snark, and an ending that is neither happy nor sad, or maybe you make it what you want it to be :) This was so different from anything I’ve written and I want to say thank you everyone for reading it and motivating me to continue loll

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4

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I’m surprised to find Harry on my doorstep this early on a Wednesday morning. At first, I think he’d cracked the case. But he looks like he’d just rolled out of bed, a stubble roughening his usual freshly shaved face. He didn’t look like he had good news.

“You look rough,” I comment. “What happened?”

“Nothing,” he blows his cheeks out with a breath. “Ab-so-lutely nothing, literally. I’m hitting a dead end with your case and I feel like shit about it.”

“So...you’ve decided to knock on my door at quarter to 8 and? Discuss the case with me?”

“Well I...not exactly.”

“Did you want to come in? Maybe go through some more of my private boxes?” I ask. I was being petty, making him feel uncomfortable. But I also wanted to just put it out there, so it didn’t hang above us like the rest of our past. The last thing I wanted from him was pity, so if I had to make him feel guilty instead I would own that.

He blushes, just like I knew he would. “M’sorry about that,” he mumbles, looking appropriately self-conscious. “I could do with a coffee if you have some?”

“You look like you need one but...I’ve got to head out soon.”

“I’ll give you a ride in,” he offers. “I...we can just talk about the case. This can be professional.”

My laugh is brittle as I open the door to let him in, like a stray I knew I would regret. “Nothing about this is professional.”

He walks right in through to my kitchen--he knew where it was by now. I put on another pot and the awkward silence settles in. This was exactly how my friends described interactions with their exes, I guess I was truly living the life of a divorcee and it was all very mundane.

“So, did you have a guest over?” He asks. I raise an eyebrow and he motions to the two cups sitting on the table.

I roll my eyes and pick them up, “Great observation skills, Detective.”

“It’s my job,” he rolls with the sarcasm, cracking the ice we’d found ourselves in again. He takes a seat at the table and begins, “So the group that hit your bank hit up two more in the last week.”

“Two?” I was shocked. So many victims, I almost want to make a Bank Heist Survivor Group for us.

“Yeah,” he accepts the cup I pour for him. I sit across him with my second of the morning. The first I had drank with an on-and-off again guy I’d been seeing for the last few months--Alec. I never really let myself get serious with him, afraid to get hurt I guess. I knew he liked me, and he was good to me, but I didn’t want to make any commitments. This morning was the first time I let him stay for breakfast...after that letter it felt like something changed in me.

The letter...Harry...I focus back on his words as I realise he was talking to me, “...last one they’ve actually put someone in hospital--the ICU. If she doesn’t make it, it becomes homicide and-”

“Homicide?” Once again, I’m shocked. These people were really terrorizing the banks, and the police had no leads. Or at least that’s how Harry made it seem: “Any leads?”

“Um, I probably shouldn’t say-”

“So that’s a no.”

He looks up sharply before a small embarrassed smile softens his gaze. “Nothing serious.”

“That sounds like a load of useless shite you lot are doing at the station. Three banks and you’ve got nothing?”

He avoids answering, taking a sip of his coffee. “There are some leads, but the group’s really good. I just--I feel like there’s something staring me right in the face but I can’t see it.”

“What’s new?” I raise an eyebrow. He lets out a short laugh, shaking his head as he busies himself with the coffee. “What? I’m not joking.”

“This,” he gestures to me. “This snarky Y/N is a bit of an adjustment. I know you like your sarcasm, I just haven’t had it directed at me in a while.”

I cross my arms, maybe I needed to dose up my attitude so he knew I was 100% serious. When he catches on, he sets his cup down. “They’ve hit your bank up first yeah? I feel like there’s a reason for that, some personal connection maybe? Have you guys turned down anyone for a loan or anything recently? Someone that might want to target your bank first?”

“I’d have to check,” my mind begins to go over anyone we’ve had come in recently with issues.

“Oh!” He jumps in his seat. “The client you were meant to see--did you talk to him? I was going to ask you when you came to pick up the evidence but...”

“I was too busy to go.” I finish his sentence for him. “It’s weird actually, I called and got voicemail. I also emailed to apologise and reschedule but his office is away, I only get automated replies that they’re out of office or something.”

Harry pulls out the notebook he uses and asks me to write down their information, I was sure I’d written it down for him already but I write it a second time. I push the notebook back towards him, and he places his hand on top of mine instead of taking it back from me. I freeze, his large hand familiar and yet, heavier than I remembered.

“What are you doing,” I ask.

“I...want to apologise. For the other day.”

“Please let go of me,” I stare at his hand on mine.

“If I can just say-”

“Let go,” I say, slower. He clears his throat and removes his hand.

I pick up my mug, and move to the sink. Harry realises he’d overstayed his welcome and gets back up, throwing his jacket over his arm and hovering at the edge of the kitchen.

“Thanks for the coffee,” he says awkwardly. “And letting me think out loud. Should I um, wait outside?”

I remember I’d forgone getting to work on time on my own for his coffee and case updates. Fuck, this was going to be awkward. “Sure, I’ll just grab my things.”

He waits on my front stoop, talking on his phone and once he’s done we walk silently to his car when I join him. The silence in the car is deafening. I watch his hand twitch to the radio but he rests it back onto the steering wheel without turning it on. After a few more moments of silence, he speaks up.

“So uh, did you want to ask me about what you brought up...the day you came to pick up the evidence? You said you had questions?”

“Are you serious?” I look at him, incredulous. He really was incredibly thick if he thought I wanted to have this conversation now, after this morning.

“What? I’m just trying to make conversation and you’re the one that wanted to talk about it so-”

“Have I not made it crystal clear that I only want to talk to you about the case? What makes you think that’s a good topic right now?”

He shrugs, and I once again pray that the other people on his team were smarter than him because if he was the lead, my case was going nowhere.

“Can I just ask one question?” He tries again. I almost want to slam my hands on the dashboard but I sigh through gritted teeth instead and tell him he could. “Did you...ever actually read the letter? Last week...you sounded sort of surprised when I mentioned it.”

“I...” I consider lying. but I go for the truth which is a change for us. “I didn’t.”

“Oh,” he sounds dejected.

“I read it last weekend.”

“Oh,” he says again, slightly hopeful. “But this whole time...you didn’t know?”

“That’s another question.” I didn’t want to go into what I thought of him this whole time. “I only agreed to one question.”

“Fair enough,” he taps the steering wheel. We’d managed to get stuck in some traffic. “So that box I sort of looked into the other day...”

“I said no to more questions, Harry.”

“That wasn’t a question,” he says, neatly catching me in his trap. I glare at him, but his cheeky smile tells me he was slightly enjoying pushing my buttons. I make a mental note to never accept a ride from my ex-husband ever again.

We fall silent, and the letter plays through my mind again, I’d reread it a few times before I tucked it into my bookshelf. I’d decided after that, to take The Box and tape it up. I wrote my sister’s address and left it by my front door to mail out when I had the chance. It was time I let it go, I realized. My sister was having her third child, and I was so happy for her. I had people who loved me, and people I loved. I realised that I was holding on to the box and it was just torturing myself. I had enough torturous things in my life, I didn’t need to be one of them.

It feels like forever until Harry pulls up to the curb down the street from my building. I thank him properly, not wanting to be a complete bitch.

But as I walk around to the sidewalk, he calls my name. I turn back to him standing outside his car with his hand outstretched.

“You forgot this,” he holds out my umbrella. I sigh and go back to take it from him but he holds onto it.

“Are you going to let me have it?” I tug again.

“Yes,” he lets go and I have to balance myself on my back leg. “Thanks for taking me in this morning. And for the coffee...you didn’t have to, yet you did.”

“Don’t read into it detective,” I scowl. “It was purely to get more insight on the case.”

“Right,” he smirks.

“But since you had no insights, it was a waste of time.”

“Don’t say that so loud,” he hisses. “I’ve got a reputation to uphold.”

“I’m not telling the people something they don’t already know.”

He narrows his eyes and grins, and my heart skips a beat. It was a familiar look, he used to look at me like that all the time. And I realise that maybe I’d just been flirting with him a little, albeit aggressively but...I drop my smile into a neutral expression. He notices the change and drops his own grin.

“I spoke to my supervisor and I’m going to set up in an empty room if that’s alright. I wanted to interview some of your staff, see if they had any clients who might want revenge by-”

“You’re coming in today?” I feel like he’d just pulled some sleight of hand trick on me, driving me to work only to come in with me. “I don’t know if my staff wants to talk.”

“It’s an investigation, they all agreed to further questioning when they gave their statements Y/N, I’m not going to be invasive. You won’t even notice I’m there.”

“I have no choice do I?” I turn around and begin walking up the street. He follows me in.

And surprisingly, I barely notice him in the empty conference room until after lunch when he comes in to tell me he would be back later, that he had to drop by the station for something his evidence team found.

I make a few rounds to my staff, make sure Harry didn’t disrupt their peace. That they were still okay after talking about the thieves. Being on the floor, my eyes continue to dart to the door, eyeing each of the customers.

I lock myself in my office for the last hour, channeling the nervous energy to get work done. It’s a few minutes before closing that I get the email. I rush to open it: the client I was meant to see finally responded.

Good afternoon Ms. Y/L/N,

We apologise for the delay in our response, our offices have been closed for the last week blah blah blah. We’re very sorry to hear about the events that occurred in your bank. As a loyal client, we would like to extend our sympathy...

I skip to what I needed to know:

To respond to your inquiry about the meeting we had scheduled, there doesn’t look to be anything on our end. I’ve spoken to the advisor personally, he had a flight out of the city that exact date so he wouldn’t have booked a meeting at the same time. I think this could be an error on your end but do let us know if there’s anything we can provide to help...

I sit back from my screen, my thoughts racing. I read it again to be sure and bury my face in my hands. I read it a third time to be sure.

Adam had specifically told me the meeting was at 10am sharp, the client threatened to switch banks if I didn’t attend. But if they never booked it...I actually had no reason to be there.

Except I was the only one who had access to the vault.

I stand up in a rush, this was an inside job! Someone I worked with knew who robbed this bank, they worked with them! Harry was right, the truth was staring at us and it was so obvious!

I take out my phone and text Harry: call me, the client for Thursday just got back to me...he wasn’t in the city that day? I think about adding more, but I didn’t want to freak him out. This could be a big misunderstanding, and I didn’t want him to come here only for it to be nothing. I place my phone on my desk and take a few deep breaths to calm myself down.

I walk out of my office, most of my staff had cleared for the day. Two of them deal with the last customers, but my eyes are searching for Adam. I had to ask him more about this client phone call, what number had they called from? Was he sure it was from the correct offices?

But Adam is nowhere to be found, which was weird because he worked until 5pm.

I move to the staff room, but stop in my tracks when a familiar voice chills me to the bone. I knew the voice, it was the same distinct voice that haunted my thoughts for the last two weeks.

I peek around the corner, Adam and a muscled bloke stand right outside the staff room. My shock catches itself in my throat as my heart plummets; the inside man--it was Adam. Adam had betrayed us all. Shy, awkward Adam. Suddenly I remember all of his jumpy behaviours since the robbery, and all his questions about security before. I just thought he was trying to learn more about the bank. Little did I know...my blood boils but I have to put aside my own feelings of betrayal when the conversation grows louder. I strain to hear.

“The phone and the fucking card are missing, you better not be the reason we’re found out!” The muscled guy with the voice jams his finger into Adam’s chest. Adam looks scared shitless.

“I swear, I looked through the evidence they returned. I-I gave you the phone back! They haven’t said anything-”

“But that one detective was sniffing around here this morning? That’s why you texted me right? What did you tell him huh?”

“I didn’t say anything, he hasn’t even talked to me I-”

“That’s right. Make something up, a crazy customer from the day before some shite like that. If you even look suspicious to him, I’m going to come over to your flat for a nice dinner and invite my friend with me.”

My eyes bug out when I see him shift his jacket to reveal the hilt of a gun. Fuck!

I reach down for my phone but I don’t have it, double fuck, I think. I left it on my desk after texting Harry. I was an idiot, a big big idiot.

I try to soften my footsteps as I walk away from the staff room but the conversation must have ended because their footsteps echo on the tiled floor. I push into the nearest door and lay flat against the wall inside. I’m so focused on listening for their voices that I don’t realise I stepped into the men’s room.

“-before I leave..” to my horror, their voices stop right outside the room I’m in. I look around and realise I was in the men’s room. My instinct is to hide in a stall but this was a one-toilet bathroom, there was absolutely nowhere to go.

In slow motion, the door in front of me opens and the muscled, gun-owning guy looks right at me. It feels like a Western showdown as we lock eyes and freeze.

“Hey...Adam,” the guy calls out to Adam who must’ve been behind him. Adam peers around his shoulder and tenses when he notices me. “She’s in the men’s room! Isn’t that weird?”

“I-Y/N...she usually uses the men’s room.” Adam tries to cover for me but my deer-in the headlights expression is enough to give away that I knew who he was. I was trapped in here like prey. Adam lowers his voice, “C’mon, just leave her here and go-”

“She’s seen my face though,” He steps in and I inch into the corner.

“Look, I can forget your face. We can pretend this never happened please, I really really don’t want to die in a men’s room.”

Tattoo laughs, untucking his gun from his waistband. “I don’t believe you. Adam, get some tape so we can tie her up. I don’t want blood on my hands but if you make any noise, I’m painting this room fucking red.”

I keep my mouth shut, and nod. I’m reliving the worst day of my life all over again as I stare at the barrel of the gun. A small part of me wonders how my life could hang in the balance of this man’s fingers, twice, but I stay silent.

“There’s nobody here, everyone’s gone home.” Adam says, more to me. Tattoo pushes me against the tiled walls and pats me down roughly. I protest but he pushes the gun against my skull and I fall silent. Adam tries to step in, offering to make sure I didn’t have anything on me like my phone but I was stupid enough not to have it on me. His friend steps into the hall and makes a call, I assume to his crew.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry.” Adam’s voice breaks as he pats me down gently. I turn to him, with tears in my eyes. I was scared, and I needed Adam to get help. “Adam please, please don’t do this. Whoever he is, the police can protect you I-”

“He’s my cousin Y/N, you don’t understand he will kill me if I go against him. It’s complicated--my family’s complicated. I’m not like them. Y/N I’m so sorry I swear he...” he falls silent as his cousin comes back in. Adam makes a show of taping my hands and legs. I try to whisper, beg him to try but Tattoo notices and shoves me against the tiles. I think I black out for a second because the next moment, he’s pressing tape down over my mouth. I feel the panic I’d kept at bay blow up in full force, along with an ache in my temples. My breathing comes out short and I squeeze my eyes shut so I wouldn’t cry. I was going to die in a men’s restroom; this was what my miserable life had culminated to.

I remember the text to Harry then, maybe he’ll come. With backup. Maybe he’ll save the day for once. And I think about security, they surely noticed I never left the building, maybe they’ll go looking for me.

But my hopes are dashed when a woman comes in, I recognise her voice as the one who’d pushed me into putting the code into the vault.

“The side door was unlocked,” she tells Tattoo. She notices me and smirks, “It’s like you want your bank to be robbed. Who leaves the side door open after hours?”

She laughs and turns back to Tattoo, tells him that the guards were down and the place was officially locked up. They bring Adam in, and check with him that he knew where I kept my passwords, that he could clear out any money still left at this time of the day. I don’t hold back then, my tears flow silently down my cheeks as I watch them all leave me in the dark. If the police still hadn’t arrived, I really was going to die here like this. I don’t know when, but I pass out, and when I come to again I’m being pulled up aggressively while a familiar voice shouts at the people dragging me. Was that Harry?

H’s POV:

The one time I leave my phone in my car, I miss the most important text of my entire career--my entire life.

Around 2:30, the evidence team calls me, there was a breakthrough on the phone and card from the scene. A few numbers, but they were still trying to process the application for the records. I decided I couldn’t sit around and wait so I drive to the station and rush inside, leaving my phone behind.

It’s a waste of time though, the number leads to a burner that leads to a local shop that leads to a credit card. And that leads to a warrant which could take hours. Two hours later and I’m frustrated and moody. I decide to get some fresh air, and check my phone but reaching for my pocket I realise it wasn’t there.

I head to my car and find it between the seats. When I turn it on, Y/N’s name stands out and her text pushes me to my feet and into my car. I call her three times on my way to the bank but it keeps ringing. Fuck, I think. What if something happened to her? How was it that it was now a second time I was rushing to where she worked, afraid for her life.

I pull up the closest parking spot I can find to see security locking up. I rush to knock on the door but he only glances me, points to the closed sign, and walks away disinterested. I was in plainclothes today so he must have thought I was a customer. I reach for my badge to show him, and realise I’d left that in my jacket in my car. I couldn’t get anything fucking right today. I bang on the door but he ignores me, and the people outside begin to stare at me.

“I’m a detective,” I try to reassure them but they hurry past. It was stupid but I squint to see if anyone was inside, but there’s not a single soul. I see movement cast a shadow at the very end of the room but I can’t see anything with the way the glass is positioned. I center myself at the front again but the security is gone--I was going to have to find another way in.

I move around the big block of a building, looking high and low for another entrance into the building but the next shop over is a cafe so I double back and try the other way. A wooden door sits between the bank and the purses crowded in the store window on the other side. I try the door but it’s locked. Of course.

I go back to my car and find my lock pick kit, picking up my badge was a good idea. Within minutes, I’m in and a sterile hall greets me. I try the door on the left, but notice the keypad. After some bad guesses, I consider who set this: Y/N. I try her birthdate, her family’s birthdates--as close as i could remember. My feet tap against the tile rhythmically when the door knob turns right in front of my eyes. I dash to the side and huddle in front of the next door, rattling my keys as if I were trying to get in. Luckily, that door is unlocked and it’s a utility closet. I rush inside and peek through the crack; a man comes out and holds the door open while a woman opens the door I just came in from.

“It was unlocked,” she says skeptically.

“Shite security, just come in. When’s Russ getting here? He’s always the bloody last of us anywhere.”

Something was very wrong, I realize. But I don’t have time to think, I jump out of my hiding spot and manage to slide my hand into the closing door. I nearly crush my fingers but I nudge the door back open and slip into the bank.

The area’s clear, I move in to investigate. It’s only when I move from the hidden passage to the main lobby that the weight of the situation dawns on me. A different man wraps the security’s hand behind his back and pushes him against the wall. Push was nicer than what it looked like, he practically drags the guard into the wall.

My shoes squeaks on the floor and he looks up sharply, eyeing the area I was peeking out from. I crouch down, next to the trash bin and wait for his footsteps to leave. When I peer around the corner again, a familiar face paces behind the desks. Adam, I think it was, Y/N’s assistant.

It becomes clear in an instant, like a timelapse of a foggy night clearing into a bright blue sky. It was right in front of my face: Y/N’s assistant. The one who’d asked her to come in for a made-up appointment, the one who knew her exact schedule, the one who was jumpy and nervous every time I spoke with him. I thought he was just a shy kid but...he’d betrayed Y/N and been the inside man for these robberies.

I take my phone out, ready to text someone for backup but voices coming my way forces me to stop what I was doing. I press myself against the wall, trying to make myself smaller.

“I think she’s knocked out-”

“Don’t hurt her,” That was Adam. I recognised his cowardly voice. “We wouldn’t have gotten this far without her just, leave her in the bathroom. We can take everything and go.”

“You don’t have a say what goes on around here,” the woman says to him. “Your puny arse is why that detective was sniffing around here anyway.”

“She’s seen all our faces,” one of the guys says. “I’ll do it after you go.”

“She won’t remember, please.” Adam tries again. “Leave the charges at robbery, don’t add murder. She’s my boss I...”

The blood rushes to my head: his boss. Y/N was here, and they were casually talking about killing her? I take my phone out just as it begins to vibrate. I jump and manage to stop it in time, but my badge--the one thing I’d taken from my car purposely, clangs against the metal trash can.

Footsteps rush towards me and I stand up with my hands up, “Backup’s on the way, I suggest you lot put down-” they were all pointing guns at me. Bollocks. “your weapons.”

“That’s the fucking detective,” the one I’d seen tying up security waves his gun at me and I try not to panic. I wasn’t involved with a lot of guns, just the wounds they left in victims. I listen to him swear, “Backup yeah? I don’t hear shit. How did you even get in here?”

“I told you, the door was unlocked. The security here is shite.” The woman says, eyeing me. “I say we tie him up with the bitch and skip out now.”

“We haven’t even taken everything, this idiot doesn’t know the passcode-”

“I told you it changes every week. She must have changed it today.”

“Adam, how could you?” I speak up and all eyes-and guns-are back on me. Adam opens his mouth like a fish out of water but nothing comes out, I watch as he squirms and his group moves closer to me.

“Phone,” the one with tattoos points to the device in my hand. “Check his phone, if he called backup it would be on it.

I curse, they were smart. They’d robbed three banks after this and hadn’t left much behind--I should’ve known to be better prepared.

Someone takes my phone, another comes around and shoves the gun in my back which forces me to walk out into the lobby. They go through my phone and snicker at something. type something in and then toss the phone in the trash can beside us. I balk at the sound it makes when it crashes; the gun in my back pushes me forward and I’m forced to walk down the lobby, through a door and up to the men’s room.

“Wake the bitch up,” one of them men speak behind me. “Tie this one up and get her to open the safe with the new code.”

I knew I was outnumbered, they push me through the door and Y/N’s body is curled in one corner. The freshly pressed clothing from this morning are rumpled around her frame and she looks unconscious. The one who tied up security tapes my hands around my back and pushes me beside the sink.

“Don’t touch her!” I struggle against the arms who hold me back as the tattooed guy hauls her up and slaps her face.

“Wake up, it’s show time.” he shakes her. I push against the body pressing me down as they take Y/N out of the room. Her eyes flutter open and catch mine before she’s dragged out.

“I swear if you guys touch her I’ll snap your neck in half,” I can’t stop the panic turning into rage. “She-”

“Are you sleeping with her or something? Shut the fuck up.” The woman kicks the back of my knees and I fall, hitting my head as I crash down on my knees. She closes the door behind her.

I don’t know how much time passes but it feels like hours. The next time the doors open, they shove Y/N inside and she stumbles. I jump up to help her but with both of our hands behind our backs I accidentally lurch forward and her head bumps off chest.

“God! Harry!” She winces. “Way to hit the one part of my body that already feels like it’s going to explode.”

“Y/N,” I steady her with my chest and lean down to look at her. “Are you alright? Did they do anything to you?”

“Other than terrify, harass, and manhandle me? Oh, and give me another concussion...hm...”

“Here,” I motion with my chin. “Turn around, I’m going to get this tape off of you and you help me.”

She does as I say and I use the sharp edge of the ring I wore to make a small tear.

“Holy shit that’s better,” she shakes her hands out and gets to work on mine. As soon as my hands are free I try the door, there was a slim chance but we were in a restroom. I had to try. But it’s locked. Y/N speaks up from behind me: “They lock from the outside if you have the key--they probably got it from security. I don’t know who I angered in a past life but this is some shitty karma.”

“There’s got to be a way out of this room,” I wasn’t about to give up.

“There isn’t. But shouldn’t there be, like, backup coming?” Y/N takes a seat against the wall, watching me explore every inch of the tiny room.

“I...no. They took my phone before I could-”

“You came here without telling anyone? Even after the text I sent?” She shoots daggers at me.

“Well your text wasn’t exactly screaming danger!”

“I really have no fucking clue how you got your position Harry, surely anyone else would not be this dense.”

“I’m trying to find us a way out of here, this isn’t my fault! And anyway, it is your assistant that’s set this all up,” I say defensively.

“Sure know how to pick the men in my life, don’t I?” She says, but quieter. Seeing her bruised and hopeless there fuels me to look harder for a way our but after a frantic search, there really wasn’t anything in this place. No window, no vent big enough, nothing to pick the lock. I find a first aid that’s mostly empty, but there’s still an ice pack, tape, and painkillers inside. I crack the ice pack and hand it to Y/N who takes it silently, and then I slump down against the wall opposite Y/N and hang my head.

“What do you reckon they’re doing out there?” she asks.

“They were going to clean the place out and skip town.”

“Do you think we’re gonna die here?” she asks, her voice wobbly like she was about to cry. “Don’t. Don’t look at me like that, I’m just...asking.”

I look away from her face, her expression crumbling under my light scrutiny. She sniffs. Without looking at her I say “We’re not dying here. I told my guys to call me when they have something, and if they can’t reach me it’ll be suspicious enough to followup at least.”

“By the time they grow suspicious enough to track you, we’ll be dead. I’ve not got much faith in your team.” Y/N crosses her arms. Even under these circumstances, she’s fierce.

“They’re close to a breakthrough. It was them calling me that got me caught out there actually. Not even the call itself...my bloody badge clanged against the--it doesn’t matter anyway. But they must have something, they’ll be here soon. We won’t die in here.”

I felt more than hopeless stuck here. Out of the two of us, I was supposed to be the one who could make their way out of this type of situation. Months of training and years of experience, and here I sat stuck in a bathroom with the woman I gave up on.

“What a way to go,” she sighs. “In the bloody loo.”

I want to go over and put my arm around her, maybe I needed the comfort more than she did. But based on the way she crosses her arm and keeps her legs up I know she’s guarding herself. I could read the signs. So we sit there silently for who knows how long. Every so often a muffled noise comes from outside, we hear a crash but the silence after doesn’t tell us whether the thieves had left or they were still around.

With Y/N going mute, I look around the room again but there’s still nothing. She slumps further to the floor, and I seat myself back down again. I stare at her, remembering the shape of her face under my hand, the curve of her hips when my fingers traced them. Her laugh, the way she liked to tease me. If I was dying here, and this was my life flashing before my eyes...I sure had missed out on a lot of it. And if the robbers decided to come in here, and put a bullet in each of us, what kind of person had I even been?

A new surge of energy goes through me, I take the slim door handle and try it again. I know it wasn’t going to open but I tug it, again and again. I brace my foot against the wall and try and try again. But it remains stubbornly closed.

Winded, I sit back down. Y/N just watches me silently as the hope officially leaves my body. We sit in silence.

“Are you happy?” she asks after a few minutes. I look over at her bruised forehead, she raises an eyebrow and immediately winces. I reach over--in the small space, even on opposite walls, she was an arm away. I guide her hand with the ice over the bruise.

“I don’t know,” I admit, leaning back against the wall. “Why?”

She shrugs, going silent. I stretch my legs out and she mimics me, finally letting down her guard as her legs rest beside mine. I give her another minute, and she responds. “Your letter, you said you left because you weren’t happy. So I’m just wondering...are you happy now?”

“If I said yes, would it make you feel better?”

“Well, it would make you falling in love with another woman and breaking my heart in the process a little easier to accept...it wouldn’t have been for nothing if you’re happy.”

“You sure have a lot of tact,” I sigh.

“We might die here?” she fixes me with an annoyed glare. “There’s no time for tact when I could get closure? Before I die?”

“We’re not dying in here,” I promise but she shrugs like she didn’t have much faith in me. And why should she?

“Don’t avoid the question: are you happy?”

I give myself a moment, taking in her face. I didn’t know how to answer that without the overwhelming shame and guilt choking me. In a way, yes. In others, no. I settle for, “Sometimes.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” she hits her foot into my knee. “Sometimes? You cheated on me, and dumped me for a sometimes?”

“Okay wait,” I stop her. “I want to get something straight, I never cheated on you--”

“You did! You fell for some woman a-and you literally married her not even a year after we split!”

“Y/N,” I grow serious. She had thought that this whole time that I... “That’s not how it-” I let out a breath, truly realising what she thought of me this whole time. “Y/N, I fell for someone, sure, but I never even went out with her before we split. Nothing happened! It just took falling for someone else to make me realise my heart wasn’t in it--with us. It made me see I wasn’t happy where I was. But I-I went on one date with that person after we split and it was awful. She avoided me at work after that.”

“What?” she furrows her brows. “So-so who the fuck did you marry?”

I almost laugh, but it would be so inappropriate. “Someone else I worked with-”

“Wow, Harry, you really know how to get around.” She crosses her arms.

“I never denied that--you knew me in uni.”

A small smile cracks her guard but she covers it with an eye roll. “That’s the only thing you’ve said all day that’s actually made sense.”

“It’s nice to see you smile,” I say which earns me a glare. I saw it coming, and that makes me smile. Her glare falters at my smile and she covers her face with the ice pack. I continue, feeling more confident to explain. “Anyway, it was this other person from work, we’d worked on a few files together and she was actually the one who asked me out when she found out I was single. I felt like I had a strong connection with her--to be honest I think I was just lonely and h-um,..y’know. Mistook that for a gem, and married her.”

“I always thought you married the woman you fell for. So you could have a baby.”

I have to laugh at that. “I didn’t want a baby that badly--with someone I barely knew at best.”

She shrugs, “Well we were so tumultuous after we found out our chances were low and you were such a bitch to me about that so what else was I to think?”

I feel like an arse all over again. “I was an idiot, a big fucking idiot Y/N.”

“When did you realise?” She leans forward. “Cuz I’ve known that for years now.”

I rub my face with my hand, she was never going to make this easy. “I thought having a kid would make me happy, make me feel complete; it was the missing thing in my life. So when I realised our chances were low, it just killed my hope of ever being happy. Honestly I think even if we got pregnant I would’ve still been unhappy. I was just...using that as an excuse to..break us apart. It was never about you, I was just too cowardly to admit that I was going to hurt you if I told you I wanted a divorce for the real reason: because I wasn’t happy.”

“So...you made me feel like a fuck-up for not being able to get pregnant instead?”

“I...yeah,” there was the waves of shame crashing into me, I was drowning in it. Y/N just sits there, I can feel the judgement and hurt rippling off of her as she pieces everything together. “I feel awful about that. You really didn’t deserve that.”

“No, I didn’t.”

Her tightened fists tell one story, but the tears pooling in her eyes tells a different one. I slide closer to her, crossing my legs in front of her. “There’s nothing I can say to even begin to apologise for that. I should have just been honest, told you I wasn’t happy in the relationship, in my job, where my life was heading. But I let you believe it was somehow your fault and I can never take that back.”

She continues to watch me, her mouth a tight line as she tries not to cry. But with a blink of her eyes, the tears are streaming down her face. I reach out to her, out of habit, but she shrinks away. So I move back to the opposite wall and watch miserably as she cries into her sleeves.

“I was still unhappy, after the other marriage.” The only thing I can do is continue, I didn’t want to watch her cry in silence. “It took me finding her flirting with another bloke at work to realise we were a farce. I split with her, quit my job a few weeks later, and it was only then I felt free. It was a good feeling; the closest to happiness I’d felt back then. And then I lived with my sister for a few weeks while I figured out my next steps. You should know she was fuming when she found out we split, she didn’t talk to me for weeks.”

Y/N had wipes her tears by now, and listens to me talking in silence. When I mention my sister, she smiles. “We talk, here and there. Never about you, but I still keep in touch with her. And your mum. We had dinner when they were in London last year, it was really nice.”

“What?” This was news to me. “They never mentioned it.”

“Obviously not,” a smile pulls at her mouth and I’ve never been more relieved to see it. “They like me better than you.”

“Ouch,” If we got out of this--when we got out of this, I had questions for my mum.

“So,” she traces a crease on her trouser. “you switched jobs? Found the right fit?”

“Yeah, I did really good there. Moved up quickly. I found something I was passionate about, and it felt good. I think I was happy until...recently.”

“What happened?”

A shout from the other side of the door gives us pause, the door bursts open and I quickly move to block Y/N. But someone pushes an unconscious body into the room with their hands tied. With three bodies in here, it’s suddenly overcrowded.

“If you say one more thing to me, I will put a bullet in his fucking head...” The conversation fades out as the door slams and they walk away. Y/N rushes past me to the body and turns it face up.

“Adam,” she gasps. I walk over and her assistant lays there with a black eye and bruises forming all over his face. She unties his gag and I make sure he’s breathing.

“He’s alright, Just unconscious.” I let her know as she pulls off her jacket and piles it under his head. “He is the one who let these people into your life, you remember that?”

She glares at me, “He didn’t have a choice Harry. I spoke to him when I gave him the code--one of them’s his cousin. He said they were going to break in one way or another and if he didn’t help they would shoot him and me during the process.”

“He had plenty of time to tell you after the fact-”

“Have a little compassion,” she throws her hands up. “He didn’t ask to have a fucking criminal family. Just, let’s wait for him to wake up. He’s been through a lot.”

“So have we,” I mumble but she doesn’t acknowledge me. She moves to her wall instead, putting her hand to her head.

“Let me see,” I slide myself towards her and move her hand away from the area. I pick up the ice she abandoned on the floor and hold it to her head but she snatches it back, saying she could hold it herself, right before she pitches forward and passes out herself.

Y/N’s POV:

I wake up confused and groggy, only to see Harry’s face hovering above mine. For a second, I think that maybe I was living in a twisted Groundhog Day type of situation, forced to relive the bank heist until I resolved things with Harry. But then I notice his split lip and remember my life was that unlucky that I was in the same position twice.

“Jesus, you’re awake.” Harry lets go of my hand which he’d been holding.

“It’s actually just Y/N,” I try to crack a joke. It flies past his head, his eyebrows pinching together. He asks me if I remembered my name, where I was, and a dozen other questions even though I insist I was fine. I was laying down with my head in his lap, I realise halfway through the interrogation. But trying to get up made me dizzier so I stay. He shows me the paracetamol he found in the first aid and forces me to down two, and I only agree because my head had started pounding.

“Don’t do that to me again,” he pushes my hair back. I try not to focus on the warmth of his hand on my skin, how nice it felt. I was bloody delirious. “You have to stay awake Y/N, this is the second time you’ve hit your head I think your concussion might be more serious this time if you’re passing out--”

“Harry please,” I put my hand up to stop his rambling. “Your voice is hammering at my migraine.”

“Sorry,” he smooths down my hair again, and again, like it soothed him more than it soothed me. “I’m not used to feeling so useless like this. But there’s absolutely nothing in here that’s going to help us get out. All we can do is sit tight and wait for one of them to come back.”

“So finish your story,” I ask. “You said you were happy until recently. What happened.”

He looks at me skeptically but I insist I wanted to know. I was finally getting the full story, the closure that actually made sense. And I wanted all of it. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

“The box,” he says simply and I flinch because I know exactly what he’s talking about. “Well, seeing you and realizing-- this whole time it’s like, I’ve missed you in the peripheral y’know? And seeing you that day, forced me focus on how much I missed my...best friend. And after that, the box? I realized what I did to you...the impact of it? Maybe I was just daft this whole time for not really thinking about it but-”

“I was pregnant,” I blurt out. If I was going to die, I may as well tell him. “A few weeks before our...breakup. I found out. And I was going to tell you. I was-I was just so excited I’d bought some things prematurely. But then I lost the...baby. I’d just boxed the shite away after that. Carrying it with me...it hurt but I almost believed that I deserved it?”

I watch him swallow, from this angle I can see the muscles in his jaw clench. I reach up and my hand lands on his neck, I move it to rest on his chest where I intended. He looks down and I see the tears coat his lower lashes. I think I was half-drowsy from the pain meds but I want to cry with him, and wipe his tears. A distant part of my brain screams at me for being confused and slightly fucked up, but my medicated brain reach up to pat his face. My heart flutters when he closes his eyes and leans into my palm.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” He whispers.

“Would it have made a difference?” I ask, my eyes drifting shut. But he shakes me rudely and they fly open.

“Stay awake.” He insists. “And...it wouldn’t have made a difference but at least you wouldn’t be carrying it alone.”

“Well I’m not, anymore.” I yawn. “I told you, and you seen it. And m’gonna mail the box to my sister--she’s pregnant by the way. She might have better use for it.”

He eyes me, “How did that make you feel?”

“You’re not a bloody therapist,” I laugh. “Don’t ask me that.”

“I think I’d make a good therapist,” he says over-confidently.

“You’re the reason why I had a therapist,” I mumble. “You’d be an awful therapist. Your patients would need therapy from therapy.”

I laugh, it wasn’t even that funny but everything just felt ridiculous. Harry’s smiling down at me, but a loud crash from outside wipes it. His body tenses, and I watch the door.

“Sorry,” he whispers before gently moving my head off his lap and onto his jacket he’d bundled. He picks something up from beside him--the toilet seat.

“Why are you holding a toilet seat?” I whisper-shout. He puts his finger to his lips and crouches on the side of the door.

“You were passed out for a while, I had time to make a bit of a mess-”

He cuts his sentence short as the door opens and Adam’s cousin comes in swearing at Adam but before he can reach for him, Harry slams the toilet seat over the guy’s head. I watch it all sideways, my head feels too heavy to pick it up. The man crumples on top of Adam, and Harry expertly searches him, picking his gun off of him.

From outside, the woman’s voice come closer.

“What’s taking so long? The car’s outside just grab your stupid cousin let’s go! The cops will be here any min-”

She freezes when she comes face to face with the gun in Harry’s hand. She reaches for hers and in half a second, Harry’s fired his gun into her arm. She lets out a shout and falls to the floor. Harry kicks the gun out of her hand and pulls her inside, blood trailing in her wake. He uses the jacket under Adam’s head to tie her arms and comes back to me.

“Y/N, let’s go. I hear sirens.” Harry bends down and gently lifts me up. I feel like a ragdoll in his arms but I manage to prop myself enough to walk beside him. He closes the door behind him and checks the handle that it was locked.

He helps me down onto a chair, the brightness of the lobby nearly blinds me, my migraine tearing my skull apart. I think I throw up on the floor, I felt entirely out of it. I keep my eyes closed, but I hear Harry letting in some people, and I feel arms putting me on a stretcher, taking me out into the cool air. The fresh air smelled incredible, and that’s the last thought I have before I pass out.

***H’s POV:

It was a crazy 24 hours.

Right before I’d been shoved into a 7′ by 5′ restroom, my team at the station had received the warrant for the credit card. That was the call I received that put me in the tiny room with Y/N. When I didn’t pick up, Detective Cole had taken the lead in tracing it. The credit card belonged to Adam’s cousin and they eventually traced him to Adam. That was the smoking gun for them, they tried me a few times. Finally, tracking my car to outside the bank. Suspicious, they sent out a few uniforms here and when they noticed my car sitting empty, and no guard at the entrance, they called for backup.

I’d debriefed, spoken and written out in detail, what happened. They’d taken pictures, handcuffed everyone in the bathroom, and I’d watched triumphantly as they walked the criminals out. Two had escaped after hearing the sirens, but at least two would be put away.

I drink my third coffee at the station now, when my supervisor finally comes in to talk to me. Tells me I could go home, finally. To get rest--the paramedics had checked me out and I was okay considering what just happened.

But instead of going home, I drive straight to the hospital where Y/N lay like a shell of herself. A tall bloke in a perfectly pressed suits stands above her, brushing her cheek. I watch as she reaches up and holds his hand, I watch him pull her hand up and kiss it. Then he leans down and kisses her bandaged forehead.

My stomach is in knots; I can’t look away. It was the same person who left her flat just this morning--god, this morning felt like years ago. It must be her boyfriend, but she didn’t mention she was seeing someone. Maybe it was casual, I think. But casual wouldn’t come to hospital like this, caress her like that.

The obvious was that I was lucky just to have a glimpse of her in my life again, long enough to clear the air between us. But I couldn’t hold on to her, when I let go so many years ago, I’d lost my grip entirely. And now she was out of my grasp.

I knock gently on the door, Y/N’s boyfriend (?) looks up.

“Sorry, the doctor doesn’t want anyone taking her statement right now-”

“I’m not-” I unclip my badge to show that I wasn’t there for my job. At the same time Y/N rests her hand on his arm.

“Alec,” she says in a hoarse voice. “It’s alright, that’s Harry.”

“Oh,” I can read everything in the two-letter word and the look he gives me. He seems to swallow what he really wanted to say and comes up to me to shake my hand instead. “Thanks, for helping Y/N tonight.”

“I didn’t do anything,” I grasp his hand, he had a strong handshake. Which was a stupid thing to think about I realise, as my eyes land on Y/N. She’s looking at him with a purity in her eyes that she used to look at me with. Something inside of me falls away, it feels raw and dark. I remove my hand from his, “Y/N’s a strong woman.”

“She is,” he looks at her with the same look she gives him. I felt like I should go, like I was interrupting them. But Y/N asks him to give us some space. He happily obliges, like I wasn’t even a threat to him. With what Y/N told him, everything she knew to be the truth before tonight, I didn’t blame him.

“Hi,” she says, she clears her throat, watching me watching her.

“How are you feeling?” I brush her hair back from the bandage on her head.

“Like there’s a rock concert in my head,” she jokes. “Except it’s mostly screaming.”

“Kind of like that one party we went to in uni,” I remind her.

“I thought the party’s theme was emo,” a laugh bursts out of her.

“It was screamo,” I laugh with her. “My ears were bleeding the next morning.”

“You crashed in my bed that night,” she remembers, her voice soft as the nostalgia washes over us. I take her hand in mine and brush my thumb over her knuckles. How times changed.

“You know, my girlfriend broke up with me that day when she found out I shared a bed with another girl.”

“Really?” She laughs again, twice in one conversation with me. She must be high on meds, or finally letting me in again. “You never told me that.”

“I never told you much about the girls I dated,” I say truthfully. “A lot of them dumped me after seeing how close we were. There was always that ultimatum: you or them.”

“Hm,” she hums. “I guess you chose me until you didn’t.”

We lock eyes and I open my mouth--to apologise? To explain something? But she waves her hand. “It’s a habit, I’ve got to get all the one-liners I’ve kept pent up out. I’ll be done eventually, don’t worry.”

“I look forward to that day,” I drum my fingers against the bed. “In the meantime...Alec?”

“Oh,” her face flushes as she looks out the door to where he stands on his phone. “Yeah. He’s been...really good, he came over as soon as he heard.”

“How long?” It was torture for me but it was like I needed to know.

“A few months, on and off again. I think I’ve just been keeping him at arm’s length because...well...”

“Us,” Once again, I’m reminded that I could never fully grasp the enormity of the damage I’d done. “He seems like a smart chap--he’s here for you after all.”

“That would make you a smart chap too,” she says which brings my attention back to her cheeky smile. “If you want to compliment yourself, you don’t have to do it in such a roundabout way.”

I laugh, she was good. She grins back at me and my breath catches, this feeling in my chest made me feel like I was drowning. I couldn’t breathe deeply enough, the old fear of being unhappy had been creeping up on me ever since I got here and saw Alec with Y/N. Now it drapes over my shoulders like a heavy coat.

“What’s wrong?” Y/N asks.

“Nothing,” I sit on the edge of the bed. “Just thinking about everything that happened. And what we talked about.”

“I’m glad that we...” she picks at the thin blanket covering her body. “I feel like I have some closure now?”

“I wish I knew...what you thought this whole time. The baby and...everything.”

“I’ve got a long way to go but,” Y/N rubs my arm. “Let’s just agree to leave all the heavy stuff behind. And live our lives to the fullest. Almost dying in a men’s room has really given me perspective. We both deserve to be happy.”

“You should write a book,” I joke. “It would sell.”

“We can co-write it.”

“We’ll title it Bad Timing,” I say. “A memoir of two people, right place, wrong time.”

“That’s good!” She grasps my arm. “And you could write the whole thing and just give me credit.”

“I’m okay with that,” I would do anything for her.

“You’re the writer after all,” she smiles and it strikes me again, how deeply she knew me. I don’t know if anyone would ever know me the way she does. “Do you still write?”

“Not really,” I didn’t at all.

“I was remembering the other day how you used to leave post-its all over my room-”

“I remember that,” I remind her of a few of my famous ones including one I stuck on her back that said kiss me. She scolds me for that and I pretend to be sorry but she knows I’m not.

“I am sorry,” I say, resting my hand on her arm and she understands I’m not talking about the prank.

“I know,” she looks away, out the door to Alec.

“So I should go, maybe I’ll be the one to take your statement? Tomorrow--or I’ll have my best officer come in here for it.”

“You should take a day off,” she says. “We almost died today.”

“You’re one to talk,” I say. “And we were not going to die today. You’re so dramatic.” I flick her knee and she flinches.

“Ouch,” she milks her current position in the hospital bed, rubbing the spot on her knee.

“Did that hurt? I don’t remember any knee injuries in your file.” I lean down over her and pat it extra hard.

“You’re evil,” she grins but for a small second her eyes flicker down to my lips, and when they meet mine again they look uncertain.

“Alright. Rest up. I’ll see you...later.” I lean down, my lips ghost her cheek, and I hear her sigh. “Goodbye Y/N,” I say, and somewhere it feels final. I don’t dare look at her when I stand up. I walk out of the room, and out of her life.

I think back to the one other time I saw her before the bank robbery. It was outside a grocer, and she’d told me to never talk to her again. I was glad the universe or whatever hadn’t listened, that our lives had crashed into each other even though that meant that in the end she was left in hospital and I was left unhappy again, realizing what I was missing in life. But for a brief moment, in the grand expanse of this universe, we orbited each other again.

As I nod at Alec on the way out. I stand to the side as he walks back in. I hear him comforting her, and I hear her tell him she had to talk in a low voice. I leave then, with every intention to leave her alone. She deserved this happiness she was finally finding as she put our past to rest, she didn’t need uncertainty. As for myself, it felt like it was my burden to bear now; Y/N and I just had bad timing, it felt like, but I just wanted her to be happy. So I let her be; I let go.

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sketch--booked · 4 years

Text

It's 6am, I just woke up from another dream--

--about Echo returning.

And it's another island adventure dream but FAR MORE OOOHHH OKAY THAN OWWIE OH NO. It had the same energy as Nya trying to figure out who Samurai X was. And Echo was not a villain this time.

Actually the dream had the S14 guy as the villain, the one with the mask, spoilers.

It started with a fight between masked man, who's name I neglect to remember, and the ninja. They barely even get a chance to fight him before someone in a hodded cape swoops in and kicks him clean off his thone/podeum. They guy lands poorly and his leg gets messed up but continues fighting while the ninja just s t a r e at them.

The ninja only make a real reaction when they see the mystery man use the element of wind, and they're all utterly bewildered.

The mystery man can't hold them all off and is knocked far into the forest, presumably dead considering how far he went, and the rest of the ninja are separated into groups (Kai and Cole, Nya and Zane, Jay and Lloyd with Wu and Misako).

It followed Kai and Cole mostly, just discussing the possibility of two elemental masters of wind (they recalled Krux and Acronix) and that this guy could be dangerous. While they're talking, they bump into the motionless body of that cloaked person and Kai literally nearly pukes. Cole manages to get close to the guy and with prompting from Kai, pulls back the hood to see, not a man, but a nindroid! And a nindroid that looked eerily like Zane.

That's when it cut to Lloyd and Jay, they're talking with Wu and Misako about the mystery man, and this is where Wu info dumps that, after an elemental master passes without any heirs, the elements will take an unknown amount of time to present itself in a new host. It depends on that persons destiny and whether or not they're fit to use it and yada yada.

Lloyd understands that this would mean morro would no longer be the elemental master of wind, since after the DotD, he legit died and is gone for good. Which resulted in the element passing on. Wu comments that this is the fastest he'd seen an element passing on and presenting itself, and says that whoever this person is, must have been picked for a very good reason.

Jay then starts making a ridiculous list of people that he thinks could be the new master of wind, despite Wu telling him the probability of Jay knowing this master, is near impossible (Jay gets a kick outta this r e a l soon).

Then we hop back to Cole and Kai, who are freaking out over the rusty version of their friend who somehow has elemental powers too??

Kai says they should leave him here, saying it could be an evil nindroid, since they were also based off of Zane's prints. Cole argues and says they should take him back for questioning, and that Cole would be very happy to carry him.

While they're arguing, the fake Zane starts to wake up, and in a comedic way, screams at Cole and Kai, who in turn also start screaming. The mystery nindroid awkwardly chuckles and remarks that this was not particularly how he wanted to introduce himself, but anything works...

Kai and Cole begin questioning him and he answers their questions, starting with his name, telling them his name was Zane, but upon seeing their reactions, he says they can call him Echo.

Echo tells them they need to get into shelter, since at night, the island becomes unbearable and deadly. Kai and Cole reluctantly follow, continuing to ask questions while the three of them walk away, Echo limping from his earlier fight.

"Why are you on a random island?" Kai asked

"My raft washed up in a lightning storm." Echo replied.

"So did Julien build you too?" Cole continued.

"Yes, I would reluctantly say he is, in essence, my Father"

"Reluctantly?"

Echo did not answer.

Cole broke the silence "Where did you come from?"

"There is a lighthouse, in the-"

"-middle of the ocean between ninjago and the dark islands. You were there?" Kai interrupts.

"You know of the lighthouse? You were there?" Echo wondered "How come you did not know of my presence?"

"Your father never said anything, neither did Zane." Cole answered his question, giving the earth ninja even more of his own.

"Oh, no. My brother would not know of me, I was built in the lighthouse, not--wherever he was built" Echo confirmed "How did you get past the leviathan?"

"Zane swam to the chains and broke them with those star thingys" kai shivered, recalling those star shaped demons--

"Oh, you mean the Starteeth!" Echo begins laughing lightly "You know, one time, a bunch of them washed up and ate through the window in the basement. The basement was flodded and made me all rusty. I couldn't move for a week!" He walked slightly ahead while laughing hard.

He suddenly stopped laughing and looked serious "Looking back on it now, it was probably not funny."

Kai and Cole shared a look before Cole jumped up, realising something, and whispered close to Kai.

"Hold on a second, we completely forgot about his powers!"

"Oohhh, you're right! Hold on, I'll ask 'em."

Cole was going to pull him back to explain how shouldn't just--ask--but Kai had already begun running to catch up.

"So how did you end up an elemental master?"

"An ele-mento-who-what?" Echo fumbled his words.

"An elemental master? Y'know, with the crazy wind powers."

Cole was ready to punch Kai out, the man couldn't be subtle to save his life, which it just might right now.

"Oh! Honestly, Red, I have no idea." Echo had called Kai, Red, as the other two masters had not given their names. "I just remember the lighthouse getting nearly blown into the sea after weeks of strong winds. I had not realised the strong winds were the cause of my emotions. It was--new and scary. Gizmo was there to help me."

"The little cleaning robot? You brought that little guy with you too?" Cole caught up with Kai and the second wind master.

"Of course, he is my only friend! I would not abandon him the way I was. That is too cruel of a punishment for any being, organic or metallic." Echo yelled, a breeze shook the trees. Cole stayed quiet, but silently apologised to the nindroid.

Their questions were ended as they came across a half-cave-half-hut-like shelter. Where the settled and only prayed for their respective brothers.

There was a lot more small talk in the dream but I cut it down to the funnier and more important parts.

The next bits of the dream is fuzzy, but I know it revolves around the ninja reuniting and accepting the mystery person into their group while they defeat the evil and escape the island.

Kai and Cole agree to Echo's pleas to not tell Zane for the time being, as he doesn't want Zane to see his brother for the first time looking like--how he looks.

Each of them get some interactions with Echo, with his identity hidden, remaining mute as to not throw them off with his voice. He even has an interaction with Zane where Zane politely asks Echo not to keep staring at him, as he's been doing that since they came together. Zane pegs his curiosity to "he's never seen a nindroid before" and Echo confirms that for him. (unknowing the truuuuth aaaaa)

I'll write Jay's interaction with Echo another time maybe, and how he figures it out, since hoooo boy it hurt. Echo didn't remember Skybound so Jay's just mentally torturing himself for the rest of the journey.

The ninja that find out its Echo is Nya, Jay, Cole and Kai.

I'm gonna jump to the end, because my dream also jumped to the end? Rip. But the end what what gave me the Nya and new Samurai X vibes, but less fighting and more chill chat.

He was on a real boat. Not a makeshift raft constructed out of his father's old bed, table, chairs and shelves, not pushed forward by his newly explained "elemental powers". A real boat, one that would take him away from tiny islands that kept him prisoner, away from the existential dread of loneliness. He'd be free. Free from fearing his last day would be solitary and sad. In one day alone, he'd made a literal boat load of friends. They wouldn't abandon him, not as his father once did.

He was happy, he felt really, truly happy. But he didn't smile. Yes he had friends, but what he wanted more than anything else, was his brother. He was right here on the boat, but Echo's own worries about how his brother would perceive him, how his brother would react to seeing him in such a state (Upon first meeting too! Talk about first impressions), persuaded him to otherwise say nothing.

Deep down, Echo knew he had nothing to fear, he'd heard stories from his father, before he'd locked him away, about Zane and about what it was like--just the two of them. Happy. And from what Echo had seen, Zane was more that strong. Not just physically, nindroid and all, but mentally and emotionally. Echo only wished he had that confidence, the ability to say nothing but be so loud at the same time.

It would make talking to him a lot easier, if he had to say so himself.

Echo, however, had his thoughts interrupted by the sound of footsteps he hadn't even registered, and a soft, yet firm, hand on his shoulder. He tensed just slightly, preparing himself to pull his hood down further.

"It's nice, is it not?" That voice, it was Echo's voice. No, Echo had his voice. His brother was standing right next to him. So close and yet so far, just one swipe of his hood would bring them together, finally. But he resigned himself to simply nod in response. He hadn't come this far to give up now.

A comfortable silence covered the two like a thin layer of snow, fitting considering who was standing next to him. It would almost make him laugh.

"You fought well, out there," Zane started, Echo had thought he was done and nodded again, a small smile forming on his face. Zane may not have known who he was complimenting, but Echo took every moment of it with pride. But then his world span at Zane's continuation.

"For a nindroid."

Zane looked down with a small smirk. Like he'd told the best joke in history. Echo tightened his grip on the wooden railing of the bounty, crushing the paint under his permanently short nails. Zane must've noticed, but didn't say anything. Either in respect for his privacy or because he wanted to hear the confession himself.

In Echo's mind, he was obviously panicking. He didn't want his brother, someone who he'd heard stories from his father, the bot he was built off of, his singular role-model, to find out who he was, like this?

Despite the fear in his ticking heart, he did something probably really stupid and something that would likely result in his downfall. He thanked him.

"Thank you... How- how did you know?" Though, he lowered the pitch oh his voice. It would not be difficult for Zane, or anyone really, to rase the pitch and find out who he was, it still calmed him down just a bit.

"A nindroid knows a nindroid. A brother knows a brother."

Oh I'm f*ucked...

There was only panic, in his systems. The ticking of his clockwork had never sounded louder in his ears. It'd drowned out the sounds of water, the automatic breathing he for some reason had, the cracking of wood underneath his palms was the only sign that ticking was not the lone sound in the world.

He fell out of his anxious trance when the hand left his shoulder and those footsteps came back. No. They were moving away. Echo looked back, moving his fingers to clutch his hood tight against the unintentional winds that now followed him and his emotions. He could see Zane walking towards the steps of the bounty, but halted at the top of them, his hand instead lazily laying on the banister.

"Don't worry, I won't tell them-" He called, just loud enough for Echo to hear over the breeze.

-about what? That he knows who I am? That he'd practically lied to them? That he knew everything all along, because of course he knew, this was Zane, how could he not know, he-

"-Cryptor."

Echo ceased all thoughts from his head. Cryptor? What was that? Was that some kind of fruit? Or a vegetable?

Echo turned his body in the direction of his brother to ask him or at least say goodbye, but he was gone. He'd walked off and down the stairs. Leaving behind not so much as a sheet of frost.

The clockwork child stayed standing there, pure surprise, fear, relief, confusion--actually a lof of emotions he didn't know how to process--flooding his brain. If it weren't for the distant voice of Nya yelling about the sudden gusts of wind changing their direction, he would likely not have moved from that position until they landed.

Cryptor. He thought, it must be a nickname. There was no way he couldn't have figured out Echo was his sibling. He'd said, "a brother knows a brother", they didn't have any other siblings. Right? No. It was just them, just the two of them. The only two nindroids in Ninjago.

His father had said so himself. Although, his father had also buried him under scrap metal and kept him hidden from his family.

Anything could be truth now.

Although Zane had left, and there was no one to hear him, he still felt it necessary to acknowledge what happened. Quietly and sadly, he spoke with a smile.

"Good guess, brother."

SO Uhh I'm gonna assume this was because i watched DotD last night,,, and so both Cryptor, and Morro were on my brain hense wind and Cryptor calling Zane "brother", but I always have Echo on the brain man,,, so uhh. Echo for the new master of wind? Anyone? I think it's cute,,,

I probably missed something, other than writing Jay and Echo's interaction, Jay was so sad throughout the rest of the dream, man. And Echo didn't even know why, it was heartbreaking---but it was also a dream and like all my dreams, they never get made into real things.

But I did like the Zane and Echo bit at the end though. There was a second ending, but it relied on the reveal of echo to the audience at the e n d of the dream. Zane still says Cryptor and Echo turns with the camera getting close to him. And as he turns his head to the camera, you see its Echo and then he says "good guess, brother" BUT NGL I THINK IT HURS MORE WHEN WE KNOW FROM THE BEGINNING SOOO.

My dreams are whack dudes,,,

Also this took nearly 3 hours to write its actually 8:50 now Soooo ilya

#ninjago #ninjago zane #zane julien #ninjago echo zane #echo zane #s14 spoilers #Probably?#I means some folks don't know it's a jungle adventure so #Yeah sure S14 spoilers #ninjago cole #ninjago kai #They were in there for a bit so I'll tag em #sketch has a dream

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fanficparker · 4 years

Note

Hey! Can I request for a Haz x shy!reader where they go to his house to meet his family and she is all nervous or probably makes a mistake and is like, “your family must hate me now” and Haz comforts her? asasjajskkssjsk

LOVE SO SOFT // H.O.

Boyfriend!Harrison Osterfield x Fem!Reader

Word count: 1.7k words

Warnings: A little bit of blood, minor injury, anxious reader, loads of FLUFF, hurt/comfort

A/N: I made it a complete one-shot, haha. Hope, you like it :)

Summary: It starts on a crisp winter morning with a rose. It continues on a lazy summer afternoon with a bouquet. It doesn’t end on a pouring monsoon evening even with those three magic words.

Sometimes the thing you are searching the most in your life, never comes to you, no matter how hard you try to find it. But when you finally give up and stop searching for it, it may just right there, find you itself.

That thing was love in the case of Harrison.

IT HAPPENED ON ONE COLD CRISP MORNING. He was brisk walking on the pavement, enjoying the cool wind hitting his face when he was stopped by a little "Excuse me!"

He stopped and plugged the earphones out of his ears, turning to find a woman around his age, holding a piece of paper in her hand.

"Yeah?" He asked, shifting her eyes from the paper to his face.

"Er..." She walked closer. He could sense a brief hesitation in her movement, nevertheless, she stood in front of him, speaking - "Do you have any idea where this (she read out from the paper) Mi-Michi and Mavey's Bookstore is?"

The name seemed familiar to his ears. Before he could think any further, she interrupted him: "It's near some Burger shop... I forgot its name."

The bells rang this time.

"Yeah... It on the opposite side of the post office to the left!"

Oh, of course, she didn't know where that was either. He could tell by her expressions. She must be new here.

"Thank you." She smiled, though. He could again read the hesitation in her voice and movements. She was moving away from him, walking towards the wrong direction, away from the bookstore, from the post office. And that's when he offered to walk her there.

He wasn't looking out for anything that day. He wasn't looking out to talk to her. To notice the slight smile on her lips, or the great complimenting colour outfit she was wearing. Or the way she hid her embarrassment over small things. Or the rose she gave him either.

The rose.

Yes, it was the rose that did it all.

He wasn't expecting anything more than a thank you. And definitely nothing like a flower, a rose specifically.

When they stopped outside the bookstore, she did say thank you, but she also fiddled inside the handbag she was carrying. She plucked out a pink rose and handed it to him. He couldn't deny it because he never had learned to expect it in the first place.

Someone just gave him a rose. Someone he didn't even know the name of.

"Wait... What's your name?"

But she had got inside the bookstore and he had some urgent errands to run.

There was a shop tag attached to that rose. He could read it. He knew where to find her again. He did find her again.

And then again and again...

IT HAPPENED ON ONE HOT LAZY AFTERNOON. He had brought a red rose bouquet for her. How stupid it can be? After all, she worked here in a flower shop.

"You know this a flower shop, right?" She leaned across the counter, biting her lip.

"Yup, but this is not for you." He smirked while her face grew panicky.

"Tis' for my girlfriend..." He whispered, pecking at the base of the bouquet.

Not for her... She tried to push away the feeling of her heart ripping apart inside her rib cage.

It was okay; she told herself. She wasn't expecting him to fall in love for her like the way she did for him.

It was okay. She tried to smile.

"Oh... Th-that's great!" She showed some fake enthusiasm.

It was okay.

"I-I will like to meet her someday."

He noticed the hesitation again. But this time he wanted that. He watched her as she pretended, pretended to not care, to be happy for him.

It was too much.

"You can take that spot though and get these for yourself..." He sucked in a deep breath, "Be my girlfriend."

They kissed that day at the back of the shop in that narrow alleyway, slowly and passionately. Softly and hesitantly. Shyly and confidently.

They kissed again.

And then again and again...

IT HAPPENED ON ONE POURING MONSOON EVENING. He invited her to meet his family. She hesitated again. He had held her hand, not wanting to let go.

"Please... They will love you."

She still hesitated, not wanting to meet just yet. She was ready before they actually stepped on the front porch. She literally spent two hours getting ready. But now...

"Please... For me?"

His eyes, the way they glimmered and pleaded, was again too much. He was always too much for her. She closed her eyes and pressed the door-bell. Her smile was strained when his mom welcomed her. Her heart was pounding when she hugged her. She was anxious upon removing her wet sandals, afraid if the wooden floor got dirty.

Harrison noticed again. He dumped the umbrella in the stand and stood close to her, his palm stroking her bicep, shooting her a smile which did all the magic.

She heard the unspoken message in his actions.

It's going to be okay.

Should she wait at the dinner table or help his family in the kitchen? It became the question that bothered her after a few minutes of positive interaction, draining all the optimism she had gathered. It became awkward when both his mum and sister left for the kitchen. It became weirder when he followed them, leaving her alone near the dining area.

Playing with the hem of her long sleeves was no more a suitable pass time. She didn't want to chip off the nail paint she applied so intricately. When the noise of a metal spoon or spatula falling to the kitchen floor reached her ears, that was it for her. She walked to the kitchen, desperate to get involved in whatever Harrison and his family were doing.

"Sorry, love. We should have arranged everything on time, but it got a bit delayed." His mum addressed her apologetically.

"Harrison, why don't you spend time with her?" She asked him next.

"Uh---"

"No problem. I was just... bored... thought I could be of any help?" She smiled, joining them inside the kitchen, standing beside her lover, finding something to do.

"I can chop the salad?" She offered when her eyes landed on the uncut vegetables lying over the chopping board.

"Sure..."

They were talking and laughing. So far, so good. His sister was stirring the soup on the stove. He and his mum were arranging the plates and crockery while she was cutting the tomatoes and the green vegetables.

"You can use the serrated knife for the tomatoes. It would be easier." His sister suggested.

"It's fine." She placed a tomato on the board after removing its core and started running the blade vertically. She needed to impress them, flex her chopping abilities. She went on faster, slicing the large tomatoes one after another. Until the knife slipped off and ran across her finger instead. No, the tomatoes were too soft and juicy for that kind of cutting.

The knife dropped on the floor with a sharp noise, diverting all their attention to hers.

"You oka-"

"Yeah. I will just use the bathroom," She excused herself, moving at a pace that was something between running and walking.

Opening the tap of the basin, she let the blood wash off her finger. It was a minor cut but deep. Upon hearing Harrison's voice calling her outside, she turned off the tap instantly and searched the cabinet to find some cotton and rubbing alcohol.

She walked outside, pressing the cotton over her wound, hiding it from Harrison's vision.

"Are you hurt?"

What?

"No. Of course, not." She let out a burst of staggering laughter, trying to surface the lie.

He hummed, pausing for a second, looking into her eyes. She refused to meet his icy-blue ones, clenching her fist tighter to ease the stinging pain.

"There was some blood on the board."

And now Harrison found her outright lying, hiding things. She had read on various online articles how for many people this was the end of the trust. All she wanted was to look good in his family's eyes and they must have come to know about her carelessness too. She even rejected his sister's advice.

Instead, she received a hug. Harrison had softly pushed her back into the bathroom and wrapped his arms around her body, keeping his head on her shoulder.

"I told you it was going to be okay..." He whispered below her ear, softly blowing some stray hair off that area.

"It didn't go okay though," She could feel her voice breaking.

"What didn't go okay, love? All I see is my family being absolutely fond of you." He kissed at the spot below her ear, his favourite place to kiss her.

"I just... made a fool of myself. I am such a noob."

He giggled at the choice of her words.

"No, you are not," He stepped in front of her, lifting her chin with his fingers.

"First, cutting yourself while chopping isn't a big deal. And second, even if you were a noob (he made a dorky face at the word, pouting dramatically), I don't see how it will make you a fool. Come on Y/n, we are here to meet my family not to give an exam." He wiped the little wetness on her eye-lashes and leaned in to peck her over her eyelids.

"I love you, you know that, right?"

Her heart again thudded inside her chest. He just said those three magic words for the first time or was she hearing wrong... She nodded instead, unable to say anything back.

"So, no need to feel embarrassed. And now get me your hand. Let me fix it real fast."

He made her sit over the counter and wrapped a band-aid over the cut. Meanwhile, she still thought of the words, dreading to reply.

"We good to go?"

"Huh?" She realised she was blankly staring at his face. "Er... Yeah."

She jumped off the counter as he walked towards the door.

"Hey, Harrison?"

He stopped at her voice and turned to see her walking towards him.

"I love you too." She said, pressing a kiss over his lips.

He was smiling into the kiss.

She bet she could make him smile again and again. And she did.

ONE-SHOT TAGLIST: @god-knows-what-am-i-doing // @multifandomlover121// @its-a-leap-of-faith-kid // @emmaloo21 // @swiftmind // @trustfundparker // @hollands-weasley // @hazmyheart // @lost-aesthetic-of-past // @tommysparker // @redlips-c // @just-a-littlebit-of-everything // @miraclesoflove // @serendipitous-amor // @hazardosterfield // @lizzyosterfield // @thenoddingbunny-blog // @halfblood-princess-505 // @spidergirl007 // @viagracex // @parkerpeter24 // @fanficscuziranout // @httplayer // @veronicas-littleworld // @slytherin-chaser // @perspectiveparker //

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dreamescapeswriting · 5 years

Text

BTS Reaction ||Toxic Friend

A/N: Little bit of a hard-hitting subject as I’ve just had to cut ties with someone who was very toxic with me but I wanted to write about it and let people know it’s okay to cut off people who are toxic for you

WARNINGS: SWEARING AND MENTIONS OF DRUG USE

Seokjin:

Spending your night in the hospital wasn’t exactly what you wanted to do but it’s what was happening, you’d gotten quite sick over the last week but you were putting off going to see a doctor because you were busy with other things, but when you passed out at work your boss and Jin rushed you to hospital where you were now sitting in bed looking at a boring TV set in front of you, Jin had gone to get something to eat for you while you waited for him, your phone was on the other side of the room going off a lot, you figured it was just friends and family wishing you a speedy recovery and left it alone.

“I got you some flavoured water and some grapes,” Jin said as he came back into the room, he grabbed your phone from your pocket and brought it over for you to look through the messages, the one standing out was from your “friend.” You opened it before letting out a sigh and going to reply, Jin had been reading over your shoulder.

“Why is it their problems are always catastrophic and heightened while your concerns are not important or completely minimized?” You stared up at him for a moment before going back to replying to your best friend.

“She’s just in a bad place right now.” You stated back to him hitting send and then locking your phone.

“Y/N…I get that she’s your friend but you can’t be that blind. You are in hospital because you passed out from exhaustion…you are literally sick and in hospital and all your friend can seem to do, without wishing you to get better is, talk about how life is over because she missed one nail appointment?” You could see his point but at the same time she was one of your best friends, you were always there for her when she needed you.

Yoongi:

“You’re cancelling again?” Yoongi said down the phone to you, you looked at the clock on the wall in front of you and hummed, it was 4 am which meant you would normally wake up to face time him and catch up since you were both in different time zones right now, it was one of your favourite things to do, you would go and have breakfast at the table while he would have dinner and you would just sit and talk for hours on end, about everything that happened to you the day before and everything that had happened to him that day.

“I didn’t get in till 1 am, I’m sorry baby she just kept me out.” You whispered laying your head down on the pillow of your sofa and looking at the screen, he looked so sad and you wanted to cry.

“This is the fourth time she’s done that this week Y/N, She knows these phone calls are important to you and yet she still forces you to stay out late.” He moaned into the camera, you hummed closing your eyes and letting him rant to you, this is what you did for her when she was mad too.

“You let her walk all over you and I’ve had enough.” Your eyes shot open and you stared at the screen, he was on paused so you knew he was doing something with his phone.

“Yoongi…what are you doing?” You questioned suddenly wide awake at the thought of him doing something.

“I’m messaging her, I’ve had enough. If it isn’t the late nights when I’m gone it’s her calling you at silly times in the morning when I’m here to tell you some bullshit story…or what about the time she showed up at the restaurant I took you to for our anniversary?!” He was back on the screen now, slightly red in the face and you felt guilty.

“She’s just…she’s going through some stuff right now and she needs me.” He scoffed with a chuckle.

“Needs you? You mean she realised that you have other priorities besides her and she hates it.” You looked down at your hands and then back to him, he was right. Of course, he was, he was always right.

Hoseok:

You flopped down onto the sofa after another long day with your friend, she’d dragged you shopping with her for the day and it was fine until she reached the counter and realised she’d “forgotten” her purse, you being the kind friend you are paid for her clothes and left the store with her, going to get a nice meal together.

“How was your shopping trip?” Hoseok asked coming into the living room with a cup of tea for you, he looked around and noticed you had no bags when you had specifically said you were going to get yourself some new clothes and some books today, you smiled at him and sat up taking the mug from his hands and letting him sit down next to you.

“She forgot her purse.” You said blowing into the mug to cool the liquid inside and hissed as some splashed against your lip.

“Forgot it? She asked you to go shopping,” He said unsure of your friend, you looked at him and then down at the mug again.

“She said she’ll pay me back…and that I didn’t need to worry about money.” You whispered remembering the conversation you had in the small cafe together, you did earn some stares when she said it.

“What did she mean by that?” You looked at him biting down on your lip debating to tell him or not.

“She said why do I worry so much about money when I have you…I told her not to say such things, I earn my own money and she just laughed it off.” You leaned forward placing the cup on the table and waited for him to say something on the whole situation.

“She’s out of order…you realise she says stuff like that all the time to put you down right?” You stayed silent not wanting to admit what you had been thinking for a while, you always felt that she used you, talked down to you to make herself feel better about other things.

“I don’t know what to do Hoseok…she’s my best friend?” You whispered meeting his eyes.

Namjoon:

You were spending the day with Namjoon, he’d brought you along to the studio to have some time together while he worked, which of course you didn’t mind because you would usually sit on his sofa and read while he does his thing and he loved that you could just be around one another without worrying about making strained conversations. You were both currently sat on the floor eating some lunch together when you heard your phone vibrate again, you bit down on your cheek before continuing to eat and ignore your phone.

“Is it Y/F/N, Again?” He questioned, you didn’t even need to look at your phone to know it was, she always did this. Whenever you were out with someone who wasn’t her she would do this, spring load a bunch of texts at you to get your attention.

“Read them.” He said taking a drink from his cup, you got up from the floor and walked over to your jacket, pulling out your phone and noticing how many unread messages there were in the last half an hour.

“How many?” He questioned again, you looked away from the screen to him.

“45.” You whispered sitting down on the arm of his sofa and reading through every single message that was on the screen and getting ready to reply to her, when you felt Namjoon rubbing your shoulders gently, you lent your head back against his chest and handed him the phone feeling too exhausted to try and put into words what she’d been saying.

“Babe…she’s emotionally blackmailing you,” He bent down in front of you, making you look him in the eye as he threw your phone onto the sofa, you knew it was like this and it had been off for a while with her and you knew this deep down that she was bad for you but you also knew she was one of your best friends and you couldn’t just cut ties with her.

“She’s using everything she has to stop you from seeing me…blackmailing you for spending time with your boyfriend and yet…where is she when you need her? With her boyfriend, she’s never there but you’re expected to there at the drop of a hat…babe it’s not right you have to see that,” You were nodding along with everything he was saying as tears fell down your cheeks. He pulled you into his chest were you cried about everything she’d ever said or done to you.

(A/N Don’t even fucking @ me that gif of Joonie is precious)

Jimin:

“I just don’t see why you’re going.” Your friend said as she sat on your bed watching you pack your suitcase, Jimin had invited you out to Korea to spend his break with him and his family and you jumped at the chance, wanting to see your boyfriend and meet his family who you’d only spoken to over the phone previously.

“Because I love my boyfriend?” You asked with a laugh as you went into the walk-in wardrobe and dragged out one of his shirts you’d stolen from the last time you saw him. You heard your friend laugh from the bedroom and you poked your head out of the door to look at her.

“What?” You questioned coming out and folding up the shirt before laying it down in the suitcase.

“You really think he’s going to want you when he’s bigger? As soon as they’re big, big, he’s going to drop you.” You stared at her for a second, looking at the empty wine glass on the bedside table and putting it down to liquid courage that she was saying this to you.

“You like Jimin though, why are you saying this?” You bent down under the bed and pulled out some shoes and placing them into the suitcase.

“I liked your ex and he cheated on you, I’m not going to judge your boyfriends.” You blinked at her, then looked over at your ringing phone, she laughed again and shook her head.

“Here he is, wonder boy. Come to ruin our time together, you should just leave him before he leaves you or worse.” You shook your head this time, you’d had enough.

“Get out. Right now. Leave, I don’t care how you get home, walk or catch a cab just get out of my sight.” You said without raising your voice like you really wanted to, she stared at you for a couple of seconds before registering that you were being serious and grabbed her things leaving.

“Sorry Jimin baby I was just taking out the trash.” You yelled following her down the stairs and slamming the front door after she left.

Taehyung:

You were sitting in the cafe waiting for your friend, practically jumping up and down in your seat as you waited. The bell above the door chimed and in she walked, she looked around before spotting you and coming over, sitting down ignoring your open arms and taking your drink.

“I’ve had the worst morning! Traffic was a fucking nightmare let me just tell you.” She whined snapping her fingers at a nearby waitress who looked just as shocked as you did at her behaviour.

“What was it you wanted to talk to me about?” She questioned flipping her hair over her shoulder and staring at you, you nervously played around with the ring around your finger before smiling and deciding to tell her.

“He proposed to me!” You whisper yelled not wanting to draw too much attention to your table as she had done, she put on the fakest smile you’d ever seen and snatched your hand towards her, almost dragging you across the table, she turned your hand over to look at the ring.

“The diamond is too small, I thought he was famous.” She scoffed pushing your hand away and leaning back against her chair and looking around.

“And why are we in some crummy little cafe to celebrate, why aren’t we in the finest of hotels breaking out the bubbly?” She said with a laugh but you knew she was being serious, you shook your head at her and put your hands into your lap.

“Because I wanted a small lunch with you, we’re engaged and I’ve made plans to move to Korea…like I always wanted to.” You said looking at her nervously, she was already staring at you with a dirty look plastered across her face as you spoke.

“You’re going to move to another country?” She questioned, her face hard to read.

“Yes…like I always had planned.” You said again trying to remind her you’d always wanted to live there.

“So you’re going to leave me here? I’m not stable enough for you to leave!” She yelled this earnt some looks from the couple at the nearby table, you looked at them with a pleasant smile and then back to her.

“Calm down.” You whispered to her, trying to take her hand in yours but she snatched it away.

“You know I need you! I can’t have you leaving me! You’re the only person who understands me.” She pleaded getting up from the table and to make a big scene out of everything.

“Y/F/N you knew I’ve been wanting to move there…don’t start this.” You said following her out of the cafe after leaving money on the table for the drinks.

“You always do this! You fob me off for him! He wasn’t always there for you! I picked up the pieces when your last boyfriend left you! I was there when he went away on tour!” She screamed in the street, people were turning to stare at you and you were starting to get anxious.

“What about my needs? I need you here! I don’t need you in some other country! You need to stay here, if you don’t I don’t think I could go on.” You felt your heart shatter into a million pieces and your phone began to go off, a text from Taehyung asking if you’d told her yet, she slapped the phone out of your hand and onto the floor, shattering the screen.

“Get your sugar daddy to pay for it.” She screamed before walking away from you, leaving you in the middle of the street with people staring at you.

You got home later that night and called Tae from your laptop on skype and explained how she acted about the whole thing, how she was never happy for you and everything was always about her.

Jungkook:

“You know you want to.” Your best friend said to you in the bathroom of the club you were currently standing in, you didn’t even want to be out tonight. You wanted to be curled up in bed next to your boyfriend who’d just gotten home from the tour but she called you crying about how she was stuck and being hit on by different men so you left Jungkook sleeping in bed and headed out to find her.

“No I want to go home, I thought you wanted that too?” You questioned staring at her as she bent down to snort that stupid white powder off the key in her hand and then leaning back and sighing in relief, you scoffed walking out of the toilets and back into the busy club, her following behind you as you left and hit the cold air.

“Where are you going? The party just started!” She giggled, you continued walking up the street going to find your car and she was still wobbling behind you in her heels.

“Y/N! You’re such a party killer.” She whined as she saw you going towards your car, she stopped outside yet another club full of drunken idiots and you stared at her.

“If you go into that club I’m not coming after you.” You warned her folding your arms across your chest, she mimicked you and you shook your head-turning on your heel and going into the car park and getting into the car.

“Fucking idiot.” You scoffed starting up the car and watching as she walked into the club and joined another group of girls, probably trying to offer them the same drugs she was trying to offer you.

“Where were you?” Jungkook asked as you walked through the front door, you looked at him and then to the clock, it was 3 am.

“It’s 3 am, why are you awake?” You questioned avoiding his question and walking over to him, he was dressed in his PJ’s in the living room.

“I woke up and you weren’t there, you didn’t take your phone.” He whispered you walked into his arms throwing the keys onto the table and relaxing at his touch almost instantly.

“She called you again didn’t she?” You nodded rubbing your eyes tiredly and then taking his hand and going towards the stairs, you wanted nothing more than to get into bed and cuddle him until you fell asleep. You reached the bedroom and saw your phone lighting up with text messages.

“I made new friends. Fuck you, at least they’ll do fun things.” You read aloud looking at the following picture of her and two other girls sniffing powder off a counter.

“Yeah well fuck you.” You whispered blocking her number and sinking into the bed next to Jungkook who proceeded to hold you tightly as you told him about what she’d been like that night.

A/N: PSA. NO ONE TOLD ME TAGS STOP WORKING ONCE YOU HIT TWENTY OF THEM

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mysticm3ss · 4 years

Note

Could u pls write headcanons/a fanfic about RFA+(V & Saeran if u want to) getting MC pregnant but MC tries to hide her pregnancy (for any reason) and around 3 months later when her stomach starts to grow RFA find her pregnancy test hidden away somewhere and confront her about it. I know u already wrote a headcanon about their kids but I just love any sort of headcanon/fanfic about baby’s and pregnancy’s yknow. Btw I love your requests broski. Your a good writer. Sorry if my English not good lol

sure thing, thank you for requesting and thank you for the compliments! don’t worry your english is perfect!

so i wrote this literally months ago and forgot it was in my drafts, i’m sorry it’s taken so long to get up!! i rly enjoyed proofreading this bc i’m studying developmental psyc at uni right now and it’s lowkey giving me mad baby fever lmao

(leaving out jaehee for this one bc she ain’t out here getting anyone pregnant, like even if she had a penis she’d be too responsible for that to happen unless it was planned anyway let’s b real. also i varied the way the boys found out a bit as well just so things don’t get too repetitive, hope that’s okay!)

Yoosung:

The thing you have to know about Yoosung is that he is very small and has no money, so you can only imagine the stress he’s under~

Jokes aside, when you realise you’re pregnant, your first reaction is panic.

You and your boyfriend are both so young–you’re not even old enough to have graduated college yet, how are you going to take care of a child?

It takes you a solid month or two just to come to terms with the pregnancy yourself.

When you finally think you’re feeling brave enough to bring it up to him, the thought of what his family might think acts as another hindrance–he seemed to have a perfect family, and Yoosung himself had admitted they were somewhat conservative… how would they react to your situation?

While you’re busy still coming to terms with it, however, Yoosung accidentally stumbles upon the pregnancy test you had so cleverly hidden in the bathroom cabinet.

You’d slipped it into a box of toiletries, snugly hidden between the myriad of tampons and pads that it held. When Yoosung accidentally knocked it from the cabinet, he scrambled to tidy up, cheeks flushed with embarrassment as he tucked away the sanitary products.

He froze when he saw the test, mind whirring as he struggled to explain away the white stick in his hand.

There was no explaining away those two pink lines, however, and so that night, he dared to broach the subject with you.

He fiddled nervously with his hands as he sat on your shared bed, eyes looking everywhere except your face when you entered the room.

“Yoosung… is everything okay?”

A shaky breath. “MC… are you… you’d tell me if something big happened, right? Like… like if you got pregnant or something?”

The guilt-ridden look on your face was all the answer he needed.

Your eyes welled up, and Yoosung’s arms were instantly around you, pulling you against him as he squeezed you tight despite his own shock.

“MC, why wouldn’t you tell me? How long?” His words were soft; gentle whispers into your ear as his fingers combed through your hair.

When you explained your worries, Yoosung’s heart instantly melted, and he felt guilty that he’d never realised what you’d been going through the past few months.

“Don’t worry about my family, MC– don’t worry about anything at all. I love you, and I love this baby, and we’re going to be so happy, okay? I’m right here, cutie, I’m right here…”

And though your face was buried in his shirt, Yoosung could still feel your smile.

Zen:

We all know that Zen is super-focussed on his career, and in turn, works long hours with early starts and late finishes.

His busy schedule and blooming career is the first thing to cross your mind as you stare at the two glaring pink lines on your pregnancy test.

How were you going to tell him? How would he react? His career was just beginning to take off… what if he didn’t want children so soon?

How were you supposed to deal with that..?

And so, spiralling into uncertainty, you decide to put off telling him for as long as possible; to enjoy your relationship for what it was now, in case it all fell apart.

As a result of Zen’s schedule, it’s not too gruelling to hide your pregnancy from your boyfriend.

You usually wake up to brutal morning sickness hours after he’s already left for work, and your fluctuating hormones generally only make their presence known while you’re on your own.

Regardless, Zen is extremely observant, especially when it comes to his jagiya.

He idly notices that you’ve gained weight, but he’d never bring it up; he honestly doesn’t care, so long as you’re healthy, which you certainly seem to be with how radiant you’ve been the past couple of months.

He does, however, notice that you’re keeping something from him. As to what, he’s not sure.

Zen trusts you wholly and completely, so it doesn’t even cross his mind that you could be hiding anything too big from him (at least, at first).

He figures that maybe you’re just planning a surprise for him, as he’s done a number of times for you in the past few years that the two of you have been dating.

When he comes back early one evening to see that you’re not at home, he sets about making dinner for the two of you and decides to get a head start on the chores.

He knows that he’s slacked off on his household duties lately, and the least he can do is pick up a few now that he has some time at home so that you don’t have to worry about them later.

While your favourite meal is warming on the stove, Zen strips the bed of sheets and gathers your dirty laundry into the hamper.

When he returns with a load of freshly dried clothes, he begins to pack them away. As he folds your underwear and tucks them into the drawer, he notices what seems to be a piece of paper peeking out from beneath the neatly folded fabric.

Confused, he pulls it out, his breath catching as he sees the ultrasound.

He reads your name and the date over and over, unable to even comprehend that you could keep something like this from him.

He’s crushed that you hadn’t told him, and immediately falls into denial.

This has to be a prank, right? MC would never keep something like this from me…

He’s still frozen, sonogram clutched in hand, when you arrive home.

Zen looks up at you, eyes pleading and face soft with vulnerability as he wordlessly begs an explanation.

“…MC?”

His voice is so quiet and broken that it kills you.

You gently explain that it’s real; that this isn’t a tasteless prank but, in fact, reality. Zen takes a deep breath to steel himself.

“Why wouldn’t you tell me? Don’t you think I’d want to be there, especially for this?” he demands, voice ringing with pain and rising in anger as he holds up the sonogram still crinkled in his fist.

It takes a bit of explaining on your part, but Zen’s hot temper gets the best of him as he shakes his head and turns away from you. Tears prick your eyes.

“Don’t you see, Zen? This is what I was afraid of!” Your voice cracks, and Zen spares a glance back at you, immediately softening as he sees your glistening eyes and the tears beginning to stain your cheeks.

“MC… I love you. I love this baby. I’d never leave, you know that, don’t you, jagi?” His voice is hushed, his heart breaking as he leans in to brush a tear from your face with his thumb.

“You can’t keep things like this from me, princess… not something this big. If you’re worried, talk to me, okay? I’m in this with you. Forever, remember?”

His arms fall around your shoulders as he crushes you to his chest, before pulling away in panic.

“Crap! Was that too tight? Did I hurt the baby?!”

You laugh, and the sound is music to Zen’s ears as you drag him in for another hug.

Jumin:

When you wake up to a sudden wave of nausea, Jumin’s first reaction is concern.

“O-oh, it’s nothing, it must just be something I ate…”

“I see. I must speak with the chef who cooked for us last night, this is a disgusting oversight on his par-”

No Jumin don’t fire the chef ohmygod

You barely manage to calm Jumin down before you’re huddled over the toilet once more, and he lets all remaining traces of fury evaporate as he focusses on holding back your hair and rubbing your back soothingly.

All the while, your mind can’t help but dart back to the pregnancy test that you’d hidden at the bottom of the wastebasket.

You knew you couldn’t keep this a secret from your husband forever; and in your head, you knew that everything would work out just fine. It wasn’t like you couldn’t afford a child, you had more than enough money to provide for them, it was just…

The two of you hadn’t been together for that long; not really. And although that didn’t diminish your love for one another, it didn’t change the fact that Jumin was still just getting used to being emotionally vulnerable and opening himself up to other people.

Would children be too much, too quickly?

He’d never even expressed interest in having children before; he was far too occupied with you and your relationship, enjoying the joys of the present and letting the future bring what it may.

And although you manage to hide your continual morning sickness from him for a little while, you know that as soon as you start to show, you won’t be able to put it off any longer.

When you wake up feeling nauseous yet again, Jumin declares it the final straw.

“MC, you’re clearly ill. I’m phoning a doctor,” he says, voice stern and leaving no room for disagreement. “I should let Assistant Kang know that I won’t be in for work today…”

Your weak protests fall on deaf ears, and barely half an hour later, Jumin is opening the door…

You didn’t realise that “phoning a doctor” entailed bringing in a whole team of specialists in various medical fields.

They check your vitals, and when you hear them begin to murmur about blood tests, you break.

“Jumin, this isn’t necessary!”

“What? Of course it is–they can help, MC. There’s clearly something wrong-”

“Jumin, I’m pregnant!” you snap, the words falling from your lips before you can register their utterance. Jumin’s eyes widen, and he clears his throat as deafening silence falls over the room.

“Excuse us,” he manages, and the team of specialists quickly and awkwardly take their leave.

Honestly, he’s lowkey offended that you kept it from him.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” His voice is stiff and cold, and your heart sinks as you feebly attempt to explain.

“Do you honestly think so low of me? Do you truly not trust me, after everything that we’ve been through?” he asks, voice hard.

That’s when you start to cry.

Damn hormones!

Jumin immediately softens, pulling you into his arms.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry… you’re right. I do trust you, I swear, I was just… I was scared,” you finally managed, voice thick with tears.

And though it takes a little while, Jumin understands. And once the shock has faded, the small smile that tugs up the corner of his lips betrays the excitement that your news has brought him.

“We’ll have to start thinking of names, hmm?”

Seven:

You could hardly call the life that Seven led “safe.”

The risks that come with his job hardly provide an environment fit to raise a child, a thought that instantly flashed through your mind the instant you saw the two lines on the pregnancy test.

You swallow hard, hands shaking as you move to rest a hand over your stomach. If you had to guess, you’d wager that you were at least eight weeks along…

God, had Seven ever mentioned even wanting kids before?

But despite your worries, you couldn’t help but feel a flicker of delight at the idea of raising children with the man you loved so dearly.

Still, that didn’t mean you knew how to tell him.

Luckily, you had time. Seven had been sent on a mission for the agency only that morning, and he wouldn’t be back for at least a month.

Although the news had been initially devastating, you were half-beginning to consider it somewhat of a blessing in disguise… at least you could figure out how to break it to him now, right? It wasn’t like you could break news like that over the phone, after all.

When Seven does finally arrive home, he wastes no time in sweeping you into his arms and planting tiny kisses all across your cheeks, your nose, your forehead, drinking in your warmth and softness and desperately attempting to atone for all the time with you that he had missed.

After finally pulling away, Seven easily notices that you’ve gained weight–of course, he’d never mention it; you were always beautiful to him.

Regardless, he can’t help but observe that you really do seem to be glowing.

Saeyoung knows you well enough to easily realise that you’re keeping something from him. He sees the nervous twitch of your fingers, the tightness of your smile…

And so, when the two of you cuddle up on the couch later that evening, Seven pressing kisses to your hair and clinging to you like a baby koala, he finally brings it up.

“Sooo… what aren’t you telling me, MC?” he asks, playfully poking your side despite the worry that claws at his chest.

What if they want to break up? Oh god, what if-

He finds himself so lost in his own concerns that when the words finally fall from your lips, it takes him a moment to process them.

“W-what?”

“I’m… I’m pregnant, Sae.”

You hold your breath, and only release it when you see the huge smile stretch over his face, brighter than the sun and just as warm.

And just like that, you know that everything is going to be just fine.

“If it’s a girl, can we name her Elizabeth?” “Seven nO-”

hope you enjoyed, please reblog/comment if you did! ^^

#mystic messenger #mm #jumin han #saeyoung choi #707 #hyun ryu #zen #yoosung kim #mm jumin #mm saeyoung #mm zen #mm yoosung #mysme #mysme zen #mysme jumin #mysme seven #saeyoung choi x reader #mm headcanons #hyun ryu x reader

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extremelyblackandwhite · 4 years

Note

Okaay you have me all soft for Lee 🥰. Sooo if you wanted to write this, how would he react to reader being pregnant?

mina this is making my baby fever return

i feel lee and y/n would not consider having a baby straight after their wedding, specially during re-elections and with y/n climbing up the job ladder

they did discuss it and both want a baby but they also wanna enjoy being married to each other, just the two of them for a little while

y/n ends up getting pregnant a year and a half after their wedding straight by accident after she decided to show lee the lingerie given to her by the last company she created advertising for

she would definitely not tell lee straightaway. y/n is a very rational person but also incredibly nervous so i see her going through the first month and not wanting to tell him afraid she might lose the baby or it might just be a false positive

she ends up deciding to tell lee she’s pregnant once she’s three months along. it wasn’t that she didn’t want to tell him, just after the first month she forgot with all her work load. she probably let it out by accident that she was pregnant.

“how was work, sugar?” “i think i hate chicken now.” “oh, ok. working for a chicken company?” “no, daniel from art department brought in a chicken sandwich and i swear it made me nauseous.” “must’ve been a disgusting sandwich” “i swear i don’t understand myself anymore. i am craving chicken burgers but i’m nauseous at chicken at the same time. i hate being pregnant” “you’re pregnant?” “yeah ... oh ... i forgot to tell you. yeah i am” “you’re pregnant and you didn’t tell me?” “i’m sorry darling, it’s just with the new playtex and heinz advertising, i just forgot.” “so you’re not joking?” “no. i am pregnant”

lee is very protective of y/n while pregnant. he knows not a lot of people like him, scratch that, no people like him. he’s constantly afraid someone will try to hurt her.

he’ll follow her literally everywhere unless she is going to work. he will not admit it, but he’s very proud to walk around the grocery shop next to his pregnant wife who everyone thought would divorce him

y/n would mostly stay at home as she’s always tired but she purposely decides to go grocery shopping. why? she wants to be petty and ensure lee’s ex-wife sees she’s pregnant. ofc lee has noticed this.

“y/n, we can go grocery shopping tomorrow.” “nope, we’re going today” “jane already knows you’re pregnant” “it’s not because of jane” “your jealousy is showing, sugar” “i’m not jealous” “it’s adorable” “i’m not jealous”

y/n and lee taking. day off so they can paint the baby nursery until lee realises y/n has no ideas how to paint a room “sugar, sugar baby, that’s not how you do it” “yes it is” “you need to prime the walls first” “sounds unnecessary” “well our baby has to have the best room” “taylor from work said she can score us a free crib. one of those really cute ones with the white wood” “sounds great, sugar”

lee would definetely like to cuddle against y/n or lay by her side and flash his flashlight at her belly whenever the baby is kicking

“you almost have a tummy as big as mine now, sugar” “it’s so heavy, i’m so heavy. i’m heavy and bloated and tired” “just think in only a few months we’re gonna have a baby all our own” “lee ... have you ever considered maybe leaving knockemstiff?” “yeah, i mean, when you told me you were pregnant i was considering maybe moving out town, a bit closer so i can still work but ...” “i’ve checked and you can transfer to new york, they lost their sheriff a few months ago” “new york? sugar, that’s a long way” “things are different there, okay. a lot of girls work already and we get equal pay now. things here are not gonna change and i don’t want my daughter to just be someone’s wife” “you wanna go to new york, sugar?” “i’ve been offered a permanent position. i could be more than a copywriter, lee” “does that make you happy?” “you make me happy, lee. i’m just suggesting ... maybe it’s pregnancy brain” “you think i can actually be a sheriff?” “you’re a sheriff, lee” “a knockemstiff sheriff, it ain’t the same sugar” “i think you’ll even be better without these morons around” “new york huh” “yeah.” “ya know i’ve always wanted to see one of those broadway plays, sugar” “i made the calculations. we can still keep this house as a vacation home, we have my grandma’s investment and my great grandparents inheritance in new york which is good enough to buy us a great home” “well sugar, seems like we painted the room for no reason then” “yeah ... we did, didn’t we?”

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randomoranges · 3 years

Text

a million yrs ago i drew an art with the wheel. and there was a fic for an au and i was like theres another part thats not au

i never got around to it - didn’t really know how to go about it really

and then the other night this idea came to flirt with me and it had more banter but i still dont know how to plug my brain into a word doc so that convos that play in my head can happen on “paper”

anyways; yes i over use same themes over and over and over again :)

Ferris Wheel Summer 2021+

“So,” Edward started as they rounded the corner and had a clear view of the Ferris wheel, “How many times have you been on it since it opened?” He asked his boyfriend, joking tone and all. It was a bright sunny summer day and a walk around town had inevitably led them into the Old Port.

“Honestly? Probably a lot less than you think – I’ve only been on it once,” Étienne told him with a shrug.

“You got me; that is less than I thought, but you mean to tell me that you haven’t taken any of your hot dates on a romantic ride on the Ferris wheel?” Edward waggled his eyebrows for show and Étienne laughed, but crinkled his nose at the thought of doing such a thing.

“Nah – it’s too much for a casual thing – too loaded. The whole get to the top and stop, romantic vibes abound and such. Ferris wheel is either for families, tourists or couples. Maybe a group of friends, but it depends.” He declared as though a study had been made on the fact and he had spent hours studying these factors.

“All right, so you’re not a tourist, I doubt you came here with your brothers, last I heard you’re not in a relationship with anyone else – who’d you come with?”

“You’re right on all accounts, but you forgot I have a sister. El and I came on opening day,” He admitted, if a little sheepish.

“Of course you were here on opening day,” Edward said with a roll of his eyes. How silly of him to think that the Maisonneuve twins wouldn’t have been here on the inauguration of the wheel, when they were known to be at every opening of every new thing in the city – especially new, in vogue things. “But also, that’s sweet.” He added. He’d always thought it was nice how close Étienne and Élyse were and how even though they didn’t always agree and had different opinions on literally everything; their love for their city prevailed and they found time to enjoy it together. Edward tried to picture himself doing something of the likes with his own sister and nearly laughed. This would not have been the type of thing he and Edith would have done together, but then again, their relationship was different. Maybe it was a twin thing.

They fell quiet and kept walking closer to the wheel, strolling down the boardwalk in front of it. It was nice to see the waterfront busy again and filled with locals and tourists alike after the emptiness that had befallen it in recent years due to the pandemic. In a sense, it reassured Edward that if anything, this part of the city was recovering and that Étienne would still have this.

They stopped at a clearing and leaned against the railing to observe the wheel and the small plaza around it and it was nice to listen to the bird song and the excited chatter of the people around them, while below, others peddled on rented pedal boats.

“We should go,” Edward said after a while, breaking the silence.

“Now?” Étienne asked to be sure he was hearing right, surprised, really, that Edward would suggest going.

“No, next Tuesday – yes now, come on. We’re here, I’ve never been, and I can tell you’d want to go on it again.”

Edward smirked and Étienne closed his mouth, letting his comment die at his lips. His boyfriend had a point. He did actually want to go on it again, but going on it alone seemed a little silly and Emma hadn’t really wanted to ride the wheel. Bringing a fling had seemed like too much – as though he was trying to impress when really, they were both in it for something much different and less lasting. However, Edward was his boyfriend and – he had thought of bringing him out here. On more than one occasion. (But there had been a pandemic and then they had done other things on Edward’s last visit and there hadn’t been time for this.)

Now, however...

Edward grabbed Étienne’s hand and led him over the footbridge and to the small line. Étienne tried hard not to trip over the fact that Edward had willingly and without prompting reached out for his hand and then reverted to his usual “tour guide” information dump as he blabbered on about the finer points of the wheel, the design, the great features about it and the overall charm it had in this location. Edward thought it was utterly endearing and loved it when his boyfriend went into his excited chatter about different aspects of his city. He could hear the passion and love Étienne had for his home and it made some part of his heart melt. He’d missed this, over their break – missed the palatable excitement Étienne had and could have – the way his face lit up and his hands moved around as he gesticulated.

“Bonjour, deux billets s’il-vous-plait.”

Étienne blinked and realised that he’d been distracted with his ramble to the point where Edward had snuck ahead of him and had now taken out his wallet to pay for the tickets.

“Édouard.” Étienne cautioned, “What are you doing?” He wasn’t about to have his boyfriend pay, not when this was an extremely splurgy thing and highly unnecessary.

“Buying our tickets, move over,” He nudged Étienne out of the way and managed to extract his credit card from his wallet, without Étienne ripping it out of his hands.

“What – no, let me. We’re in Montreal. I pay for things in Montreal.”

Edward looked him dead in the eyes as he tapped his card on the terminal, much to Étienne’s horror and shock. This was betrayal of the highest degree.

“This is not part of our deal!”

“Curly, we have no such deal.” Edward replied calmly as he took the tickets from the teller and thanked them, “Now, come along, you can pay for ice cream later.” Edward put his wallet away and then moved ahead, pleased with his little plan.

“Who said anything about ice cream?” Étienne squawked as he followed Edward to the next line to get onto the Ferris wheel.

“I did – you can take me afterwards.”

Étienne tried to protest, but Edward took his hand again and led him to the railing to get to their Ferris wheel gondola. Étienne tried to pout and be annoyed, but his giddiness over being here with Edward quickly won out as they took their seats side by side.

“See, these are high tech gondolas. You can fix your own temperature and either put the AC or the heating on, weather depending, and you get really nice views once you’ve gained some height.” His previous annoyance was quickly forgotten and Edward silently congratulated himself as Étienne’s previous mood returned.

“Shall we put the heating on?” Edward teased as the doors closed and the gondola started moving quietly.

Étienne rolled his eyes, “It’s summer; I’m good. We can put the AC on if it’s too hot for you. Wouldn’t want you to melt.”

“We can compromise,” Edward said, rolling his eyes, fond, as he adjusted the dials so that they would both be comfortable, but if it was a degree or two on the cold side so that Étienne had an extra excuse to sit close to Edward, well, that was between them.

They settled in afterwards and Edward took in the multiple angles of the view. “Are we supposed to make-out when we get inevitably stuck on the top, or...?” He asked as the wheel quietly turned, a gentle seamless whirring in the background.

“Only if you want and you don’t think it’s too cliché.”

Edward studied him for a moment as Étienne looked at him and then busied himself with the window. Even after knowing him for so long, Étienne could still be an enigma, but Edward liked to think that he had gotten quite good at deciphering him. For as much as his boyfriend claimed he didn’t do romance, Edward had finally found out that it had been a cover – to protect himself from his own difference – from his own way he felt and reacted to romantic attraction. It made sense now, retrospectively, and they’d talked about it, but knowing that and now knowing how it was Étienne felt about him, Edward could tell that there were certain “typical things” Étienne still wanted to do with him – even if they were considered to be a “cliché”.

If anything, Edward thought it was endearing and even if he wasn’t the most outward of people when it came to expressing his emotions and love, he didn’t mind the idea of a kiss or two at the top of the wheel. There was no one else around them anyways. They never needed to tell anyone, if they so desired.

But those were thoughts for later and for now, Edward focused on the view surrounding him.

Étienne hadn’t been lying (not that he would have expected him to); the views were stunning. The canal hugged one side of the island, cradled it close and separated it from the two manmade islands that had been the crown jewels of Expo. Edward remembered that time fondly, even if it still seemed like a hectic fever dream, but there had been a bustle in the air of the city that had left everyone dreaming and hungering for a better future. They had been exciting times full of promise, somehow, and looking back, he thought he could still feel the remnants of that frenzy – still lingering in the air, caught in small glimpses on occasions. Now there were only a few buildings left, prestigious in their own ways, and they added to the charm and attraction of the city, nestled safely in their own spots of the picturesque postcard view.

Behind, the Clock Tower stood proud and erect, a beacon of the past that guided tourists and city folk alike to come and admire its beauty. Further away still, if Edward turned on his seat, the Jacques Cartier bridge connected Montreal to the South shore, while it looked over the brilliant turquoise greens of the water on a sunny day. Sometimes, if the light hit just right, Edward could swear he saw a mirrored image in Étienne’s own eyes and he would feel pulled in – lured in and he’d willingly go – every time.

The wheel completed its first turn and there was still much he hadn’t properly looked at. The Old Port came into view and then panned out as the wheel gained height once more. From above, he could see how the original village – the original city of Montreal had fought floods, fires and winters alike to survive and expand. The original building blocks may have been safely buried underneath their feet and preserved lovingly in Pointe-à-Callière, but the true spirit of the city – the heart of it really – of what it had been and had become lay further ahead, ensconced and treasured in the heart of the mountain that had guided and sheltered many for so long. There, really, was the essence, he believed.

It happened on the third turn. The wheel came to a gentle stop at the top and Étienne leaned closer to one of the sides to get a better look at the waterfront, the bridge, the Biosphere in the back and the bustle of activity below them, mesmerised in what he saw. “It’s really something from this angle...” He murmured, almost as if to himself.

And Edward had to take a small step back to take in the fuller picture before him. The gentle smile splayed out on Étienne’s face was a sight to behold on itself and the way his boyfriend’s face relaxed as he took in the scenery pulled at his heart. Edward could read, even from here, the pride and joy Étienne felt in seeing his own people mingling about and how that tiny little village from before had evolved over the centuries – had thrived despite all odds. Here was where one part of the story had started and further ahead was its origin point, but Étienne was all of that – the element that brought it all together.

It hadn’t always been easy and Edward knew of the struggles Étienne had gone through, but the soft look on his face was worth it and a look he hoped Étienne could carry more often than not. He wordlessly reached for his boyfriend’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze as they both quietly took in their own different views.

“It really is,” He agreed, “It really is,” He repeated, softer.

Étienne did the mistake of turning to look back at him and Edward was left speechless by the depth of green he saw in Étienne’s eyes; lured and pulled in once more, like always. Étienne gave him the softest of smiles and Edward swore that the butterflies he felt in his stomach were real; that the swooping feeling he always got when Étienne smiled at him was here to stay.

He tugged himself closer, pulled gently on Étienne’s hand until they were closer and then caressed his boyfriend’s cheek. Edward’s hand was certain and warm, and Étienne leaned closer to him still, holding him, not wanting to let go just yet.

“I love you,” Edward thought, pressing his lips to Étienne’s as the Ferris wheel started its descent. And maybe Étienne heard his thoughts, for the look on his face when they pulled away was open and loving. He looped his arms around Edward’s neck, laughing softly, before going for another kiss and then a third and a fourth.

He didn’t know what it was about the circular form of the gondola – the safety of the bubble that gave them both an illusion of being in a safe enclosure, but it made Edward just a little more daring as he chased a kiss across his boyfriend’s lips and it made Étienne cherish the moment even more.

FIN

#pc: montreal #pc: edmonton #edward murphy #étienne maisonneuve #fic #projocanondoko

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yyxgin · 3 years

Note

meteor garden is so problematic honestly my favourite part was when there was a meteor shower for 10 whole seconds somewhere mid 20’s episode. i forgot to mention she HAS a job she just like never went (on camera at least) she goes to uni that’s why she’s so broke too. it’s typical rich family pays off poor girl to leave her son alone but son is the one chasing the girl 🤡

HAJSJSKSKAKKA i got so much stuff from that album i didn’t realise how much i really got until i got a different album and i was like,, okay. i got a chan pc, double sided han pc, minho pc, changbin polaroid pc, changbin & minho film strip and a kind of pop out thing? of i.n. there’s an ot7 thing too but i figured everyone got that.

i recently watched... uh... into the dark? and it was in french and i didn’t even realise i wasn’t reading the subtitles i was like ~woah~

if you don’t mind me asking ~ what’s your part time job? only bc we can make conversation about it!! also i freaked out at my last job bc i thought i’d put down my details wrong as a lady at hq rang me to tell me they were having problems paying me 😰 i think the computer might’ve read my numbers wrong bc i write in cursive but like... i write more... how do i say... comic sans? for formal docs bc the computer can read my handwriting and people can read it too T-T we used to get told for exams to write really neatly bc if the examiners can’t read it they don’t mark it and we work solely off of essay writing here (or short answers no multiple choice bs) so i worried that i’d get stuck w the one examiner who couldn’t read my writing but the boy who’s handwriting looks like a spider ran across his book gets someone who can read it perfectly fine 😓 my ultimate fear tbh. i love the extra flourish i can add to envelopes just by writing all fancy-like.

YES YOLO!! i’m a libra so i’m the worst at decision making so when i do it’s impulsive and i have to say things like yolo to justify myself and then i’m gucci for the day.

yuta makes me so 😳🥵🤪😚😳😍🥵🤪 for every reason. i have a weakness for japanese men... my mind just goes into overdrive and i short circuit,, i’m afraid of watching shotaro content bc he’s just so 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 and do i dare risk it?

personally, i enjoy russian roulette by rv but that’s very, pop-y of them. i like b sides by them more bc they carry a different sound to them. ice cream cake is good. and future!!! i like future bc i watched start-up tho 🤩 ladies night is a fun one and if i remember correctly time slip was good? i have a massive playlist with loads of artists so i need a refresher on rv as got7 and simon dominic have been in heavy rotation recently 😬

what did you do today? how did your interview go? (or am i too early?) wait i think i asked about it earlier oops 🙊 lots of love and positivity being sent your way ~ 🌻

and stop apologising about replying to asks late!!! 😐 i deliberately send asks bc you can take your time over them!! i really don’t mind how long you take!!!!!!!!!!!! 😙 ~ 🌻

ITS OFFICIAL I LOVE METEOR GARDEN DJSJSJ

you have like,,,,so much stuff ??? i wanna steal ????? i would literally do anything for that minho pc😔💔 i think the moment i buy my first album im literally gonna freak out from whoever i get 😩✋

i dont mind u asking !! my part time job is like,, working in this one shop called pepco, idk if you guys have it there lol. its like working behind the cash register and also helping with like,,restocking the shelves and stuff. i'm starting in june hhh lets hope i make some friends as well bc that lady said there are a few girls in my age starting at the same time so we can only hope haha. also i totally get you,,my handwriting changes like every year bc i get an identity crisis and change it lmaoo but people always tell me its really messy and sometimes unreadable😔

YOU ARE A LIBRA ?? I AM IN LOVE W YOU my moon is in libra so decision making isnt my best quality either but the aries sun in me just says fuck it 90% of the time so i'm good.

SHOTARO IS THE LOML HE IS SO 🥺🥺🥺🥺 but also his predebut tiktoks,,,,,much thoughts. yes. his instagram is the best thing that's ever happened to me, like yes get it king 😩

oooh i love russian rulette !! 🤩🤩 i am also a fan of ice cream cake but i dont know the other ones you mentioned, i'll have to give them a listen 😎

i didnt reply yesterday because i was out the whole day with my best friend and when i came home i had a glass of wine and got really sleepy💔and today i just cleaned my room and i'm about to water my plants lets hope i dont forget after finishing this reply,,,my interview went good hhh thanks !!! how has your day been ? ❤

sending u love !! <3

#💌ask #🌻 anon

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mainly-kpop · 4 years

Text

Jealous much?

hello! I’m sorry its literally taken me so fucking long to do this, but its here now and i hope hope hope it was worth the wait.

Pairing: Jungkook/reader

warnings: none to note

wordcount: 3.4k

You wouldn’t class yourself as competitive, not openly. Regardless, you had to be somewhat competitive in your line of work. Not with colleagues, no, it’s not like you were trying to climb the corporate ladder or anything. You had to be talented and smart, quick on your feet and have reflexes like a cat. Yeah, it was pretty hard being a competitive gamer, especially with a team like yours.

‘Dude I can’t believe you fucking did that. We are fucked, royally and truly fucked.’ You heard one voice speak through your headset, making you snicker at the defeated tone. Truthfully, your other team mate had fucked you, but it’s humbling to lose once in a while no?

‘What are you talking about Kook, I know how to play this game. This was a smart move for us!’ He protested, earning a frustrated groan from the other boy in the chat. Over your years of playing Overwatch, you had become quite good friends with a lot of players, some more than others. Some players were in it for the money, the audience and the fame that came with it. You found it hard to filter through the fakes, but eventually you managed, finding yourself two diamonds. Jungkook and Taehyung were your best friends, streaming more often than not with them. Sometimes though, Taehyung was a bit of a noob. He was good at the game sure, but only with the few characters he knew how to play, usually you would base a team around him. Today however he wanted to surprise the group, letting you both pick your characters first.

‘Tae, my love, have you ever played as DPS Moira before?’ You question, looking at your camera giving your viewers a “save us please” kind of look. You heard Taehyung stutter through his mic, trying to make up an explanation. A groan came from Jungkook once more, making you laugh as the game loaded in. Where you wouldn’t call yourself competitive, Jungkook certainly was. He took it hard when you lost, hearing more controllers broken than not. Taehyung on the other hand was so happy go lucky, he didn’t care if you won or lost, he just enjoyed the game. They were a terrible match, truly, but it made for some entertaining streams.

‘Ladies and gentlemen, wish us luck.’ You sigh, running through the game as usual, trying not to burst out laughing at how frustrated Jungkook was getting. Over the years you may have developed a slight crush on Jungkook. Slight may be an understatement, realistically you’ve had a massive crush on him since the first time you all met up.

Jungkook was tall, dark, and handsome, everything a girl looks for in a man. He had shaggy black hair parted in the middle. You’d love to run your hands through it the way he does, maybe tug on a handful every now and then. The tattoos up and down his arms were something to behold, if only he wore short sleeves more often…

‘Y/N, what are you doing?!’ Came a shout from your headset, startling you into pushing a random button. You heard a crash then a loud groan, followed by a little laugh. Your random button had been your shoot button, hopelessly friendly firing at Jungkook.

‘So, who was it going to be losing this game for us? Asking for a friend of course…’ Taehyung quipped, you could practically feel Jungkook running his hands through his hair in anger, trying not to throw the only controller he has left. The comments come flooding in on the stream, some rude, some funny. Your moderators were quick to remove the rude comments, not letting you see anything negative; you were quite lucky that way.

You wouldn’t brag and say you were a popular streamer, there was no way you were racking in 50k people a stream, but you weren’t a little channel either. You used cam, but you never did anything for people to thirst over you for, you didn’t show skin or dress scantily. Never one to gain attention for the wrong thing or say something you shouldn’t. It was always a dream of yours to be accepted into this community, but not because you’re a girl on twitch, because you were damn good at what you do.

‘Okay guys, I think we have tortured Jungkook enough, until next time!’ You say, signing off with a little wave and ending the stream.

‘You guys suck.’ Jungkook sighed, earning a laugh from both you and Taehyung. ‘I’m heading to bed, see you both tomorrow.’ He groaned, coming off the call. You pout at the fact he was gone, letting a little “awwh” escape.

‘What was that? Am I not good enough?’ Tae responded, laughing as you stutter through the call. ‘Do you have romantic feelings for Mr. Jeon?’ He questioned, not expecting any kind of response.

‘I didn’t think it was that obvious…’ You reply, thanking the lords no one could see you turning 3 shades of pink right now. There was silence on the other end of the call, almost deafening. Tae had guessed your feelings for him a long time ago, it was the same feelings he had for you.

‘You should tell him.’ He replied, words cutting his throat as he spoke them. Taehyung had a crush on you from day one, before you guys even met, before you even spoke to each other. He watched your streams before, falling for how relaxed you were in front of the camera while playing. You were never problematic or rude, you were just perfectly you. He had never seen that before, so he subbed to you that moment, watching you grow into what you are now. He fell for the way you told perverts to get lost, he fell for the way you laughed at your subscriber’s jokes, not because you had to, but because you genuinely found the corny jokes funny. He fell for you and everything you stand for; regardless of knowing he would always be invisible in that light to you.

‘Eh, I dunno Tae, that’s a big confession…’ You hesitate, tiding up your surrounding area, trying not to move too far from the computer. Taehyung sighed, leaning forward in his chair. Elbows rested on the desk, head in his clammy hands.

‘Do it tomorrow, if he says he feels the same way, then you’re good. However, if he says no, then you can move on, the sooner you get it over with, the better.’ You knew he was right, there was no use holding onto false hope that he may like you back, there was no use pretending you had just friendly feelings for him. You agree with Tae, telling him goodnight and that you will see him tomorrow.

You didn’t move from your chair after you turned the call off, too busy playing absentmindedly with the pencil on your desk. Your heart raced in your ears, the thought of telling him tomorrow made you want to throw up. Sighing, you put the pencil back in the holder on your desk, sinking back into your chair, staring at the blank wall. Taehyung hadn’t moved either, head in his hands slapping his forehead. How could he have suggested that? What possessed him to tell his crush to confess to her crush? He hit his hands off his forehead one more time before standing up to go to bed, kicking the bin in frustration.

You stood in front of him, words spilling out your mouth like vomit. The second you said the words, his face fell, almost deadpanned, and now you were trying to pull it back. ‘It’s not like it’s massive feelings, like maybe a crush, less than that even. I don’t want this to ruin the friendship though, because I know you don’t feel the same way and-‘His hand slammed over your mouth, startling you slightly. You frown at him, licking the palm of his hand. He pulled his hand away instantly, looking at you in mock disgust. It almost felt natural, or normal, then an awkward silence fell around you both, neither one sure what to say.

‘Listen, I’m flattered, but I really don’t think of you that way… I’m sorry.’ He spoke, trying not to make it more awkward than it already was.

‘It’s okay, I know you don’t I just wanted to get it out. It’s cool, we are still friends!’ You reply, smacking his arm in a friendly manner, that seeming more awkward than not too. You clear your throat, pointing towards the exit in the most unnatural way possible. ‘Anyway, I have to go, I forgot I have to give Taehyung something!’ You smile, running off. Partially, it was because you had to see Tae, you now had a bone to pick with him, but also because the awkwardness was really killing you. Honestly, you didn’t want things to be weird, and hanging around for any longer was going to do that. You knocked on Taehyungs door, walking in without letting him answer.

‘You’re a dick Kim Taehyung, the biggest prick of the century I’ll have you know!’ You shout into the empty room, looking around for him. Making yourself at home, you kick your shoes off, pulling your hoodie over your head. He came out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist, other towel in his hands drying his hair.

‘And how is that?’ He questioned, watching you look him up and down momentarily before snapping back. You scoff at him, throwing your hoodie at his naked form.

‘Put some clothes on before I even talk to you.’ You reply, faking a gag. He rolled his eyes at you, picking your hoodie up and smiling. He exited the main room, heading for his bedroom.

‘You know, if you didn’t barge into my house, you wouldn’t have seen me practically naked. What’s going on anyway? Didn’t I just leave you and Jungkook in that café?’ you sigh, sulking back into his couch, willing the fabric to eat you alive.

‘Yes, and I confessed, and his face looked like I had told him I had three weeks to live. No one has ever been that disappointed in the history of the world! Fuck sake, you did this to me!’ you scream, an instant backhand to his chest the second he sat down. He grunted in pain, coughing slightly at the force. Your hoodie covered his torso, which you were sure had no shirt under it.

‘You don’t realise right now, but its better like this. At least you know!’

‘I DIDN’T WANT TO KNOW!’ you whine, kicking your feet in a mild temper tantrum.

‘Want to watch a movie and order some desserts?’ He suggested, already turning the T.V on.

‘Yes please, and get me a hoodie since you stole mine.’ You pout, waiting for him to come back before cuddling into his side.

Jungkook sat on his couch, trying hard to get his head into the game he was playing. All he could think about was you though, and he couldn’t for the life of him figure out why. He didn’t have feelings for you, not enough for it to be a relationship. He didn’t think of you romantically, nor did he want to have sex with you, but why were you all he could think of right now? He put his controller down on the coffee table, slouching back onto his couch. His phone screen lit up beside him urging him to pick it up. An automated text from the local pizza shop, how typical. While it was in his hand, he opted for scrolling through some apps, catching up on all his notifications. He watched through snapchat stories, landing on your one, he frowned, sitting up in his seat.

The first couple weren’t too bad, some selfies of your outfit for today, you him and Tae at the coffee shop. The next one was what made him sit up straight, almost angry, but did he really have the right to be angry right now? You were cuddled up on Taehyungs couch, in his hoodie, arms wrapped around your stomach as you lay on his lap. He had your hoodie on, which he couldn’t understand. Why weren’t you wearing yours? Why had you switched clothes? Why did Tae’s hoodie look so good on you? You had Captioned the snap with “he bought me ice cream and churros, he’s the best!” Curiosity got the better of him, checking on Tae’s snapchat too, low and behold there you were. Cuddled into his side, a candid photo of you eating ice cream, hands buried in the sleeves of his jumper. You looked comfortable and relaxed, a different person to who stood in front of him before. He thought back to it, you nervously spitting words at him, hoping the floor would crumble beneath your feet. He was almost sorry he made you feel like that, sorry he couldn’t reciprocate your feelings. He clicked through the story, next was a video, you crying about how Ursula is just misunderstood and wanted to take Ariels voice because she was being naive!

‘Having a voice is so much more important than looking like every other bitch out there. That’s what she’s trying to tell her, albeit in the wrong way but- TAE STOP VIDEOING ME!’ You screeched out, hand coming up to smack the phone out of his hand. He laughed at that, enjoying the way you see things how others don’t. He laughed at your whining voice as you tell Tae to stop, then he stopped laughing. Angry at how he wished that was him, angry that he couldn’t understand his feelings.

Jungkook could feel the jealousy brewing inside of him, but why? He didn’t have feelings for you, or so he thought, so he assumed. Clicking on Instagram, he punched in your username, clicking onto your profile. He had a flick through your photos, trying to figure out how he felt, what he truly felt for you. Looking at your face in depth, he could see you were pretty, could see that you knew how to carry yourself and dress well. Your button nose and the way your hair fell, honestly, he could admit you were very beautiful. Most guys would think it was a dream, someone like you had feelings for them, so why did he turn you down so easily.

Was it an initial shock? Did he not know how to react? Honestly, he couldn’t pin point it, but right now he really wished he could. Without thinking, his thumbs typed out a message, a sharp one, that he was sure to regret the second he hit send.

‘You and Tae look cosy, guess it must really be nothing more than a crush huh?’ You read out loud to Tae, unable to process the words completely. Taehyung frowned, taking your phone out of your hands to read the message himself. His eyes squinted at the screen, as if he could make it change to something else, something nicer. Something you would rather read from him, but he couldn’t make this better.

‘What the fuck?’ Were the only words he could think right now, to busy trying to wrap his head around his friend’s reaction. He knew he would never have you as his own, he had come to terms with this a long time ago, but for Jungkook to be acting like such a child, he knew exactly what the problem was.

‘He’s jealous. I know he said he didn’t like you, but he clearly does.’ Taehyung spoke, passing your phone back to you. He watched as your thumbs danced over the keyboard at lightening pace, he had never seen you this ridiculously mad before. Taehyung could not thank his lucky stars hard enough that it was Jungkook on the receiving end of that heat and not him.

‘What the hell? Jealous much? I came over to see Tae about something and he offered me dessert and a movie, he’s my best friend am I not allowed to cuddle up to him while eating ice cream? Last time I checked you weren’t my boyfriend Jungkook, back off. Oh, or better yet, come back when you’re ready to fucking apologise for snapping at me.’

He sighed, throwing his phone down on the couch cushions. You were right, he knew that much, you had every right to go off at him for that stupid comment. He should go over to Tae’s, say that he’s sorry. Standing up from the couch, he moves towards his shoes, picking one up to put it on, he stops. You wouldn’t even want to see him, collapsing against the wall, he let out a frustrated groan, running his hands through his hair. He pulled on a few strands out of anger, banging his head against the wall. Truly unable to understand why he was so pissed off about you being around Tae so much, he decided to just head to bed. Maybe if he slept on it, he might be able to figure somethings out.

Weeks passed, and you still had heard nothing from Jungkook, your followers kept asking for him. You had to keep making up stories that he wasn’t well, or was really busy. Honestly, you were getting sick of covering up for him, why were you lying to your followers for him?

‘Just give him time, he will come round.’ Tae spoke through the phone, trying his best to comfort you from a distance. For the past few weeks, he had been your only constant, your level head if you will. Anytime you go to apologise to Jungkook he reminds you that you did nothing wrong. That you had nothing to apologise for what so ever, and if you did, he would kick your ass.

‘I just don’t know what is so hard about saying sorry? He was so rude and can’t even admit it?’ You sigh, slouching down into your couch cushions. You heard him hum on the other end, unable to find something to say to make this better for you. You go to give him some sarcastic comment about being helpful, but a gentle knock at your door interrupts you. So light if you were doing anything other than sitting here, you wouldn’t have heard it.

‘Tae, someone’s at the door, I’ll call you back.’ You speak, hanging up the phone the second you hear him say bye. Without looking through the peep hole, you swing the door open, face to face with a bunch of flowers. From behind, Jungkook poked his face around the side a weak smile on his face. Rolling your eyes, you step to the side, letting him come in.

‘Why are you here?’ You ask in the most bored tone you can muster, he puts the flowers down on your counter, turning around to look at you. Trying to not look pleased, or flattered, you fold your arms over your chest.

‘I came to say sorry. I know I snapped for no reason, but seeing you cuddled up to Tae like that really pissed me the fuck off.’ He spoke, getting angrier the more he thought about it. He thought he had dealt with it these past few weeks, but clearly the annoyance was still sitting at the back of his brain.

‘Why though? You told me you didn’t like me like that so why should it piss you off? Why should you feel obligated to be annoyed?!’ You raise your voice, not entirely meaning to. He ran his hand through his hair, turning away from you for a second. Silence fell while you waited for him to reply, but nothing came. You let a sarcastic laugh slip through your lips, rolling your eyes at the back of his head.

‘Just leave Jungkook.’ You sigh, stepping through to your living room, allowing him to see himself out.

‘I don’t know why it pisses me off so much okay? I want your attention, every last fucking drop of it, and knowing Tae has even some of it pisses me off. Seeing you in someone’s arms that aren’t mine pisses me off. Knowing someone else is comforting you, or making you laugh, knowing you’re not thinking about me, it pisses me the fuck off. Maybe I am into you, maybe I do want you to be mine, I don’t know what that feels like. You’re beautiful, so fucking beautiful, and funny and so damn genuine, I don’t know how I feel, but I know for fucking sure I don’t want anyone else to have you.’ He confessed, stopping to breathe and stare you down. Your face softened at the confession, making your heart beat a little faster at the hope.

‘Sit, I think we need to talk.’

#fanfic #bts #bantan #jungkook #jeon jungkook #maknae #jeonguk #request #requested #overwatch #kim taehyung #taehyung #love triangle #requests open

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designsforthetimes · 3 years

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I like boobs but she wanted breasts.

I didn't notice, and I didn't like them at first. The weird changes that followed really made me miserable. It took a couple of years to get used to them. They changed me and how people saw me, or rather for me didn't notice me. I was already quiet and isolated. I withdrew into my books even more. My joys apart from reading and art were gymnastics and dance. These changed for a long time where I almost stopped altogether. Until one day I realised I am who I am and that I mustn't let that change me more than had already happened. That was when I started to like my boobs. My love of girls was becoming very clear at the same time. My English teacher set us a homework and I wrote about these feelings and my gradual change until I liked my boobs, but, that I loved another girl and her boobs more. To this day I am still not sure why I felt confident enough to write it down or how I could hand it in. Perhaps my diary had given me the confidence in my writing to let myself be free through the written word? Well I handed it in and forgot about it. I felt a heady relief that I was able to externalise my feelings and thoughts like that. Well that didn't last long. The next week the homework was handed back. I got a zero, not even a mark. Worse than that the words in red 'See me after the class'. I had always been a top student in class, I had never had those words, but knew others dreaded those words on their work. She didn't say a word. She stared at me with a look of thunder. Was it that bad, I worried. The lesson lasted forever. She didn't ask me to read, I didn't mind that so much but no hand on my shoulder, no smile or positive feedback. That cut deep and I was crying by the end of the lesson. As the others left the class I remained seated. She sat behind her desk. I had my head bowed low, sniffing. Silence between us. Eventually she spoke. 'Well young lady?' I looked up. She beckoned me to the front with a single finger gesture. I pushed my chair back, stood. Straightened my skirt and walked shakily to the front. What was going to happen? Was it that bad? Should I not have written my thoughts? She had always said that personal experiences are the greatest influence on a writer. As I walked to the front she had picked up her long wooden rule. Oh gosh, was she going to punish me? Was I going to be beaten? My hands rubbed together and then went to my bottom and rubbed, oh gosh. I stood in front of her raising my head to look at her through my eye lashes hands clasped behind my back. 'Stand up straight girl.' She snapped. I stood to attention not wanting to displease her anymore than she already was. 'So do you think this is a suitable topic for your homework?' The question was loaded. I did. I was just expressing my feelings and understanding of how I felt. But I couldn't say that as she clearly didn't think it was suitable. Do I say I did, but that I was sorry that she didn't? I was sure that would get me in big trouble reading her body language. My mind whirled as I looked at my shoes. I didn't speak, I couldn't. 'Well?' She wasn't going to make this easy. I thought about just bending over her table to be punished as an easier way out than expressing my thoughts to her there and then. Just as I had read in some stories. 'I I I just tried to write about my thoughts and feelings.' I stammered, I resisted quoting her back on herself as it was clear she was not in the mood for a discussion on the merit of inspiration on writers. 'Well let me tell you young lady that a writer may do that, but a schoolgirl must write what is expected, or be very careful who sees what she writes. It is very clear that you are a talented writer, but this is not the best use of your skills. Save this for the diary you mention and keep that very safe or you could be in even more trouble, not many people understand your point of view.' She warned. I looked up now, was she going to understand, was she cross, was I still in deep trouble? I had no idea. 'I'm sorry.' I sniffed. I wrung my hands together a physical display of my confusion and anxiety. 'I can't accept this work. You must repeat the homework tonight and I will remark it this once. If you repeat this misjudgement I will not protect or shield you. Do you understand?' She questioned looking deep into my eyes. 'Yes Miss, thank you Miss. I will do it now.' I rapidly fired my reply. Desperate to be free of this horrible situation. 'No. Tonight. You will write it properly and give me your best writing first thing in the morning, and one final point. Never use the word Boobs, they are breasts.' She stated this last fact with a distaste to even say Boobs. 'Yes Miss, Thank you Miss.' I nearly laughed out loud the shock of this final part and the feeling that I was to be given the chance to get back in her good books. Also I was not being beaten with the long wooden rule she still held in her hands. As I looked at her I felt that it had been a very close call. I kept my face emotionless, the last of the tears still running down my cheeks. 'Remember what I have said and don't let it happen again. You may go now.' Her last words dismissed me. 'Yes Miss, thank you Miss, I will Miss, first thing in the morning Miss.' I turned and walked away. Desperate to keep control and not run. When I reached the playground I laughed, cried and thought about what had just happened. I felt relief, curiosity and despair. Relief that she hadn't punished me, in fact she had given me a second chance to rewrite the essay and still get the mark, my natural self was never far from the surface. Curiosity as there was clearly a hidden agenda, but I couldn't understand what it was. I thought a few things, but that was impossible she was my teacher. The despair that I couldn't write what I wanted and that I had to edit and control my freedom in my writing from now on. That was painful. I kept so much hidden that to lose the freedom of my writing for her was so hard to understand. These thoughts rushed through my mind, but I was young and the one thought that finished me was that she had such a distaste for boobs and would only accept breasts in her classroom. Now that made me laugh out loud until the tears flowed again. To this day I don't recall what I wrote for her that night. I still and always will think boobs, but write breasts with a smile on my face. Although that is starting to slip a little now on this site. I think about what might have been if she had let me keep pouring my teenage self on the page for her. My crush for her had literally been crushed. I had learnt to be careful and keep my distance and hide my true self. Well until I hear or think about Boobs and then I am giggling and crying like my teenage self in the playground.

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kazbrekkerrs-remade · 4 years

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ekrjhak i lov eu and to further enable you: ur thoughts on blue, gansey, ronan and adam and henry? and their group dynamic????? 👀👀👀

Wow this took me ages sorry dfjfhd. Claire... u enable me too much these are my onions <3. Under a cut because I went. overboard :3. I’m probably going to have to shorten this I don’t know if tumblr will even let me post something this long dkshjfhg. (Also I wrote half of this in word so if there’s proper capitalization in places that’s why, don’t let it cloud my image as a cool, laid-back bitch that doesn’t care for grammar.)

i’m starting individually then moving onto group dynamics heh

blue i like blue but it did take a bit of growing on me djjdjhjss. i like her a lot bc i relate to her a lot, but i do think there was a lot of room for improvement. she said she wanted to see the world and make it better but how exactly.. is that a roadtrip? i mean i guess it’s a start in a way, but i think it would’ve been much better if we saw her join an activist organization.. volunteer for a non-profit or something. Also her misguided feminism ah! But I can be a bit more lenient with that bc she was still very young when the series ended so. Also she was revealed to be part tree and then like. Nothing substantial came of it? idk

Ganseyboy! I have to be honest my.. fave uwu. There is a Lot of room for improvement but I just. Optimist!! insecurities :( also he KNEW he was gonna d*e I’m. sad. Anyway like I said a lot of room for improvement as in like.. not everything is about you king <3 also he needs more… idk I don’t wanna say empathy bc i think that’s something different but like. He needs to realise that what he thinks is best isn’t gonna be the way everyone deals with something, if that makes sense? Like basically the “how do you know what’s good for me?” “THAT’S MY OPINIOOONNNNN!!” vine. THAT SAID I love him so much.. he held up the mouse to his face! And smiled!! mon dieu.. when he made bird jokes to make adam laugh… “am I in your dreams?” AH! In a way, blue and gansey are sons of the same gun: I love them both but there could be more done with them tbh. But I have a lot of fun with Fansey, a.k.a: fatima gansey. Kind of like fanon gansey except no one’s opinion matters besides mine <3 (basically it’s the *aggressively kicks off shoes* “yee haw”, parts of gansey, and then me giving him the arc he deserves) maybe we could sum it up to “ma’am that’s my emotional support projection character” but like. That’s my business.

ADAM! Previous endorsements include: “might fuck around and become an adam parrish stan account.” “I’ve only had adam for a day and a half but if anything happened to him I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.” “I go :D whenever I see it’s an adam chapter” (these are more or less verbatim from my previous posts.) that said, I don’t have many fully formed thoughts because I uhhh don’t remember the books that well and also I repress the adam chapters bc they hit too close oops :). tbh I don’t have many complaints at all heh. That’s not to say he doesn’t have flaws but a) I will excuse them because he’s justified, adam does anything problematique and I’m like he can have a little murder. As a treat. and b) I genuinely loved his arc so. No complaints for real!! Also.. adam realising he is capable of loving and being loved…. *kermit meme* I have nearly teared up while writing this. :( one more half baked thought: trc having being “known” as a mark of being loved but then adam being like “i am unknowable” and then there was a moment of him with ronan like “how foolish of him to think he was unknowable”.... *kermit hearts meme intensifies*

RONAN O CLOCK to be honest. I. don’t have any meta or complaints I just love him. I love him a LOT okay.. very much. Big love. Sharp edges tough guy but he names his dream animals chainsaw and gasoline and has a pooping blanket for chainsaw… I can’t remember the quote but that but in cdth where he was like the point is dreamer or not if people are going to get hurt I’m going to stop it… Much to think about. HIS GROWTH. IN THE DREAM THIEVES wow can you believe I read him in TRB and was like ‘I don’t care for him’ ddhfjdhf and then in the dream thieves I’m like.. I have rescinded all previous callouts of ronan lynch. Oops. HE LOVES HIS FRIENDS SO MUCH oh my gosh. Ronan just… he has so much range for feeling!! he feels so much!!! I love that about him so much omg

Henry. Ah. This is where we get kind of controversial jdhjdfh I’m sorry but. I’m going to be honest I like him well enough as a character but I don’t care for him much I’m sorry I just. It’s because he was introduced so late. And only became an important character towards like.. the last half of TRK? I mean, I’d have loved him if he was introduced earlier, hell at least have him come into play in BLLB. The issues I have with him isn’t because of anything about him as a character though, I think it’s all about the way he was handled. I think because he came in so late, there just wasn’t enough time to do justice to the depth that he had, or give him an arc or anything, or enough time to connect with him. Also a part of me feels like he was in there just to kind of tie up Blue and Gansey’s stories and give them something to do after the end of TRK (which sucks because like… making your only canon POC being primarily to develop/give your white characters storylines… (blue isn’t white in my mind but like she was written “colorblind” and when that happens it usually means the author viewed them as white at least in the beginning jhfhgfj. but i don’t remember it too well so if i’m wrong lmk please!)). But probably my biggest problem is: I couldn’t help get the vibe that MS was facing criticism for the lack of diversity and so decided to bring in an asian character. Like, I feel that way bc he came in so late, and because of that he was so half-baked I’m.. gah. GAH. That’s unfair maybe henry is a cool dude hdhfg but I just can’t warm up to him because of this :/

Group dynamics!! With the gangsey I have to *sobs* I love them so much I’m.. what a strange constellation they all were <3

blue and ronan!! BROnan amirite… omg. That moment when blue nearly slips and ronan immediately catches n holds on to her… she would have to remember that :( sons of the same gun. Best friends!

Blue and adam.. gah. As friends it really goes hard. Get you someone who will stab you if you fall too deep into the nether-realm <3 but uhh. As dates. YIKES. Blue really just. Kissed noah while dating him. And didn’t even think for a second “I have a bf” :( not very cool of her to tell gansey about the kiss curse but not telling adam which I mean, I know that happened to show that they weren’t a good match but. Still yikes. Blue was lowkey cheating on adam the whole time during tdt huh :( also bro I am number one stan of the “I wish you could be kissed jane” scene but it happened literally RIGHT AFTER she broke up with adam I’m. relax <3. I wish that was kind of addressed but meh, overall it doesn’t bother me too much. I think they’re great friends :)

Ronan and adam… I can’t talk about it too much. I really can’t!! I really really can’t! the fact that adam goes to gansey like what is love and gansey is like she makes me quiet… and then adam is like “he was so still inside”.. :( omg the bit during trb when ronan is going on a swearing tirade and adam is like “they didn’t start making the civic until ‘73 <3” what a JACKASS I love him. Second secret!! --okay! Wait I have to say: while this one is not really a big deal compared to all their other moments, my favourite quote is “ and he realised that while he’d been looking at ronan, ronan had been looking at him” :uwu face:

Blue and gansey: :3 :33333 maybe it’s the muslim but I really like the tragedy of not being able to kiss :( I would beg just one off you! Under all this! Maybe I’m crying because of the inherent romantic-ness of the night sky with all its stars and late night drives :( wow I love them. Also i know most people find it annoying but I personally love the “I’m never gonna fall for this person” *fast forward to getting to know each other* “ahahah. :) I have rescinded all callouts of ____. she is now my girlfriend (long story)” (not to be confused with enemies to lovers <3 (not to be confused with enemies to friends to lovers <3)) also they can kiss now thank you very much.

Okay I will just preface this with: gansey’s relationships with both ronan and adam have the “how do you know what’s good for me” element to them so I don’t have to address it later hdfgjlfj but bro they love each other so much I’m… “dream me the world… something new for ever night” you’re leaving for TWO DAYS.. gansey gave up monmouth omg what became of that I really forgot khffhk did he get it back. I don’t even need to elaborate on ronan, “ronan would do anything for gansey” :(

ADAM AND GANSEY I been WAITNG for this one! Turn it up! Bro if you saw the whole face I made when I realised it was time for this kdhfhfkhu this is so loaded despite the fact that I cant articulate it <3 the.. idk what to call them. Parallels? Foils? I didn’t take lit sorry but he RANGE we could have had there… remember when gansey was shocked in trk bc :0 you guys came with me and also “they had run for him”. bro their whole relationship had so much. Tension because of their different backgrounds and fundamentally different outlooks because of their backgrounds, and I think if we had seen them properly connect then both of them could have grown from that. I know we see adam understanding gansey a bit better I don’t remember when that happened but I know it did at some point hhdsf but gansey.. never does! Huff and puff. It’s really so FRUSTRATING to me bc that could have key development for gansey but also for adam and gansey’s relationship. And also I feel like we didn’t.. see them try either? Which is so frustrating like idk if it’s a fault on stiefvater’s part or just with YA lit in general that platonic relationships are kind of ignored. Or maybe it’s because idk I remember ms saying she had a lot of issues while writing trk.. but still. We could have really had it all but instead I have to live with “don’t break him adam” I’m (: ok but now I must lighten the mood hjsdhf so might I add: when one of them sees the principal in his crazy funky junky hat and goes “yee haw”… when gansey is like :DDD hey ADAM guess WHAT and adam is like ? and gansey is like oh it was a fully casual problem with the ALTERNATOR of my car of COURSE it was the alternator, it was really simple and I fixed it with much ease :D and adam is like :’D felt like the had hatched a baby bird.. my uwus. ADAM! give me an idea! ALSO if anyone will allow me to venture into adansey territory…. the fact that adam is cabeswater’s magician and gansey now.. is cabeswater in a way. MUCH to think about. I still spend a lot of time thinking about the dryad au the problem is I have never been to progress past the “vague concept” stage of stories and this is why I don’t write dhfjhfdhf. But yes. I think about it often :3

i also like the henry with the gang, i think it could work really well but once again it wasn’t given the time for me to really see it :( also. ronan being racist. and adam laughing along with that. why was that included, ms turn on your location i just wanna talk

okay once again thank you for enabling me claire and i’m so sorry for this monster dsjkhfjkdhg

#aha. am i more than you bargained for yet <3 #claire tag #asks #mutuals #anyway if for some reason you ever wanted a comprehensive guide on my thoughts on the trc characters here it is <3 #though it's not really comprehensive kjhdsjkhfg #when i reread trc. and remember it this time. then you will know #anyway this took me three weeks sdhfkjdfh sorry

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scottfuckingreed · 5 years

Text

Polaroids - Scott Reed

Not requested

SUMMARY: This is set around the time when Zach gives Clay the rest of the Polaroid’s, and they’re trying to find proof of Bryce being a dick really. Y/N wants to reveal something but she can’t because of Bryce. She’s a little scared of what her friends might think.

Warnings!: swearing, gets a bit sexual, and a general Bryce being Bryce warning

Liberty High School is known for people keeping secrets. Everyone is pretty much hiding something, and it seems that these secrets are about someone else. Or involving someone else. Or someone else’s secret. It never seems simple. It’s always complete madness.

It’s a typical day, which only ever seems to start with seeing Monty hurting somebody. Today the victim is Tyler Down. I wish I had the guts to stop him, or to say at least something, but I don’t. So I just roll my eyes and continue walking through the hallway to my locker. A smile spreads on my face when I see Jessica leaning against my locker. I go up to her and hug her, squeezing her slightly before letting go. “How are you doing?” I ask. I never want to specifically asking how it feels to see Bryce in the halls so I don’t. Well, I want to ask, but it’s just feels intrusive. “It’s getting better day by day,” she says, but we all knows it’s not true. I get it. She must get asked that loads of times throughout the day. I unlock my locker with the combination and take out my needed books: which are English and blank notepad. “Ugh I wish I had English first,” she grunts, glancing down at my book. “Tell me about it, but wait for me after?” I beg. She nods, leaving me to slam my locker and head to English.

I throw myself down at the desk next to Tyler. Unlike a lot of the students, I don’t have a big problem with Tyler. “Hey Y/N,” he smiles lightly at me as we lock eyes. My eyes drift from his, going to the printed photographs in his hands. “What are those?” I ask, and he hands them to me to look through. “I’m trying to pick the best ones for yearbook. I could use your help actually.” I flick through them. Most of them are of the baseball team. With them being the ‘backbone’ of the school, there’s usually quite a big section for them. Speaking of, Scott Reed enters the classroom and takes the empty seat next to me. I can’t say this is random. “Let me see those?” He asks when he sees that they’re photos with him in. “Please?” He adds, and smiles massively at me. I pass them to him. I wouldn’t let any of the others touch them, but Scott’s different. I know Scott. “I like this one, I look decent in it,” he pauses, turning to look my dead in the eyes. “Don’t you think Y/N?” My heart skips slightly. “You wish.” Rolling my eyes, I take the photos back from Scott and pass them back to Tyler. “But I do agree with Scott, this ones the best one,” I smile before turning my head to the front of the class. Even with my eyes fixed on the teacher, I can see Scott glancing my way every now and then. Fuck my life.

My lips attach to his as my back leans against the wall of an ally way near by. We’d skipped, and that usually ain’t me, but it’s what needs to happen. Maybe lately it is me. “Do- you know- how- hard- it is- to pretend- we’re not- together?” With each pause I had another kiss placed on my lips. There’s nothing visibly wrong with our relationship. In fact, there’s nothing wrong with the relationship at all. The problem is Bryce. And the fact that Scott is one of Bryce’s best friends. And I’m not about to be that bitch who tells her boyfriend who he can and can’t be friends with. So we make do... in private. “I think we should just be public,” he send a kind-of whisper into my ear before nibbling on my lobe. “I’m not ready for that Scott,” I lie. I am VERY ready for us to be public. Just everyone seeing how cute and sweet he is, ugh. Come on! That’s perfect. I want everyone to see my Scott, not the Scott who’s friends with Bryce. He takes a step back which is the last thing I want. Grabbing his hand, I pull him back closer. The space between us is only slight as my hand reaches up to his face. “I can’t keep pretending that I-“ he pauses, thinking of how to finish the sentence. I know what I want him to say, but we’re only 6 months into the relationship, so he doesn’t say anything close. “That I’m single.” I sigh at his words. He’s right. “You don’t have to,” I let out another sigh before continuing. “Just don’t mention my name or anything. I’m not ready.” Once again, I AM.

We’re only out of school for less than 2 hours. Wishing it was more, I walk back into the school building - alone - with a huge smile on my face. It’s currently lunch, so I head straight for the cafeteria. My eyes instantly lock to my friends sat around our average table. Across the room is Scott’s. As much as I want to be near Scott, I want to be as far away from Bryce as I can. “Hey guys!” I smile and sit myself next to Clay. “Where have you been?” Jessica has a sharp tone but still asks with a smile. “Why what’s up?” I ask. Oh shit. My eyes widen as I realise I was meant to wait for her after first lesson. “Oh my god I totally forgot. I’m so sorry,” if it was anyone else I wouldn’t have felt as bad. Since it’s Jess, I don’t know. I know she needs people to have her back. “I just spaced and started doing something else.” Something else being sneaking out of school to meet my boyfriend who’s one of Bryce’s best friends. “Chill Y/N, I get it.”

Lunch times are probably my favourite time of the day. I get to be with my best friends; Clay, Jessica and Alex; and where I sit is in eye line of Scott. It’s so cringe and lame but we frequently glance at each other and look away. When our eyes meet it sends a weird buzz through my body. It’s hard not to smile every time I see him. “Zach gave me the rest,” Clay says, literally randomly in the middle of a conversation. The rest of us look confused and gaze blankly back at Clay. “The rest of what?” Alex asks. “He gave me a box of polaroids.”

This honestly seems like it came from nowhere. We all seem to go semi speechless. “Uh-oh-we-“ I stop as I find no words want to escape my mouth. I silence myself to collect my thoughts as the other two remain silently tooling at each other. “You’re telling me it was Zach?” Clay shushes me to quieten down. “I wasn’t expecting it either,” he shrugs. “So he was the one who gave you the other two?” Breaking his silence, Alex sounds just as confused as me. “I’d assume so yeah,” clay sighs. “But why?” Jess adds. “Look, I don’t know. I just need your guys’ help looking through these.”

We’d planned to meet up at Clay’s in the evening, but I still had plenty of time to see Scott. Speaking of, I walk up to his house. We’re very undercover. You’d assume we could at least tell his parents. But they’re close friends with Bryce’s parents so we can’t risk anything. Here’s what I do. There’s a big bin ironically under Scott’s window. I assume Scott moved it so he can sneak out, but I can also easily sneak in. I’m quite a bit shorter than Scott so it’s a bit of a struggle. A struggle that’s worth it. The window opens as soon as my feet get firmly on the bin. After this I need to use my upper body strength, which ain’t much, to lift myself up. “My parents aren’t home,” he announces as I sit myself on his window ledge. My heart is racing and my breath is heavy. “You tell me this now?” I grunt, throwing myself towards Scott to catch me. “I like watching the effort,” he shrugs with a subtle smile forming. “Dickhead.”

Scott lets out a quiet moan. I wish I could say we were having sex or something, but no. We were currently laid on his bed, his head on my boob. “Do you enjoy it that much?” I laugh as I continue gently scratching my nails through his hair. He turns his head up slightly, our eyes meeting, which makes me melt a little inside. “You have no idea.” He moves his head back down to watch the tv. “Turns me on a little actually,” I lose it as those words fly out of his mouth. My hands go over my face to cover both my redness and the tears forming in my eyes from laughing. I didn’t even notice him move off me only to feel hands grip my ankles and pull me further down the bed. He removes my hands from my face, interlocking our fingers, and placing a kiss on my forehead. “Fuck you’re cute,” he breathes. “But I’m being serious,” I smile massively at his words. Lifting my head as far as I can to kiss him, I wait for him to meet me half way. As his perfect lips meet mine, I know that this is right where I want to be. This is who I want to be with, and this is who I want everyone to see. Scott isn’t Bryce.

Scott drops me to Clay’s, meaning he let me out around the corner. It’s hard to say why I care so much. Is it because of Jess? Yes. Am I afraid of what she and others will think of me? Maybe. I can’t tell Scott that. I try and explain it to myself and it makes no sense, so how would it make sense to him? Or anyone?

“There she is!” Clay throws his arms up in the air as I walk into his room. His mum let me in. “Sorry guys, hows it going?” I ask and take a seat on the floor. It takes me a second to actually realise the mess of it. Polaroid’s splattered across. They’re spread out, yet there’s so many that you can’t see any past the top layer. This is disgusting. “As good as it can,” he replies. “I just feel so sorry for all these girls,” Jess sighs as she throws another into the ‘seen’ pile. Picking up a handful, I start helping them out.

All we’re looking for is Bryce. Photos of him with other girls. We want proof of him being a prick and a dickhead and everything more. But I can’t help but worry as I flick deeper and deeper into the pile. I see Bryce and Monty and Marcus with girls. Naked girls. I never even thought to question Scott. Yes I question his choice of friends maybe but never his character. Maybe I should’ve, as I lay eyes on several photos with Scott in. A thousand thoughts rush through my head. They’re nothing bad, but he’s there. Does that mean he witnessed some of the vile things Bryce does to girls? And he continued to support him and his behaviour. I’m absolutely heartbroken as I take a photo and slyly put it into my pocket. Wiping my nose in my sleeve, I clear a tear too. “Are you okay?” Jess nudges me with a concerned tone. “Shit Y/N you’ve gone pale,” Alex adds. I feel physically sick. “I can’t look at these anymore.”

I gaze across at my phone as it rings for 4th time in a row. What am I even meant to say to him? Is the Scott I know the real Scott, or is it that douche he become when he’s around Bryce?

Voicemail.

“Hey Y/N, I know you’re probably asleep right now, but I was just calling to say goodnight. I- See you tomorrow beautiful.”

- the next day -

A messy bun, shorts, and a baggy sweatshirt represents my mood entirely and drag my feet to school. The first person I see is Bryce. Looking at him just makes me so angry. Like, who gave him the right to treat girls like shit and make monsters like Monty? “Looking good Y/N,” he smirks, eyeing me up and down as I enter the shitty school. At any other time I would’ve just felt uncomfortable, but now I’m just fed up. “Honestly Bryce, fuck off.”

I’m at my locker when I get a tap on my shoulder, which startles and makes me jump. When my eyes meet Scott’s, I just wanna break down. His face just doesn’t fit the image of him in my head right now. I take a deep breath before letting half of my mouth smile at him. I’m not sure if I’m angry at him, or upset, or if I just wanna hug him. “Hey Scott,” my voice comes out in a whisper so I cough to clear my throat. “Hey, is everything okay?” He asks, lowing his voice before continuing. “Why didn’t you call me? I could’ve drove you.” Avoiding eye contact, I look through my locker, ‘looking for books’. “I didn’t want it to be too obvious,” I lie. “I drive you every day Y/N,” he lets out a laugh in disbelief. “I think Jess is starting to get suspicious,” I lie again. I can tell by his face he doesn’t believe me, but he smiles and nods anyway. “Are we meeting for lunch today?” He asks. I know I should be upset with him, but I can’t help but smile at him bigger than I should be. Lunch dates are my favourite, and I know he knows that. “Of course,” I nod. His face brightens at my response, which hurts every part of my soul. He turns away, but I know that if I don’t ask him now I’ll get distracted. “Scott,” I call, making him instantly turn back around and walk up to me. “Yes?” His smile is so fucking cute, but I have to ignore that right now. “What happens in the Clubhouse?” As the words leave my mouth, my heart starts to race. He has no reason to lie, and yet... Before responding he blinks violently and clears his throat. “The Clubhouse?” Cough. “I don’t know.” His words chip away at my heart. “You don’t?” I feel myself getting angry as he shrugs. “I’ve never- I mean, where’d you hear about it?” His eyes gaze at anywhere but me. “I heard Bryce talking about it.” I lose the energy to even smile at him, but my patience grows thinner and thinner. “You’ve been though right?” I add. I reach into my pocket to grab the Polaroid and watch his head shake no. “Right.” Bluntly, I smack the photo onto his chest and walk away. He starts yelling my name, but his voice just fades as my head begins to spin. How was I so fucking stupid? I suddenly feel an urge to throw up.

The whole day so far is a blur. I see the teacher talking - and I’m even looking at them - but I hear nothing. In the corner of my eye I can see Bryce and his group. No Scott. He’s probably in the Clubhouse. He’s probably being this whole other person that I’ve been too blind to see. I don’t want to see him, but I wanna scream at him.

We get to lunch, and it’s the same old. We’re talking about the Polaroid’s which I now have no interest in whatsoever. But it’s the first time I’ve seen these guys all day. And it’s a relief to sit with people I can trust. “Y/N are you okay? You’ve been off all day,” Clay’s voice is soft as he speaks those words to me. I’m clearly not fine. Cough. “Yeah- I’m fine. I’m just tired,” I reply as I spin an apple around on the table. They all look at each other in a ‘she’s not okay’ way. “Well we found a few Polaroid’s that we can use,” Clay continues. PolaroidPolaroidPolaroidPolaroidPolaroid. The word just spins on a constant loop between Clays mouth and my head. A constant reminder that Scott lied and I don’t know why he lied but I still don’t believe he’s a bad person. He can’t be. I finally lose it, slamming my hands on the table and clench my teeth together, “Can we shut up about the fucking Polaroid’s for 5 minutes?!” They just blink at me.

- After School -

I stare at my ceiling. It’s plain white, and yet it’s the other thing that makes sense right now. Trying to compose my thoughts and my feelings is just... not happening. Am I angry? Yes. Am I upset? Extremely. I just want answers. I need answers.

So here I am; Outside Scott’s house. I take a glance at the bins. I wish I could just hop on them, climb through his window and pretend nothing happened. But I can’t. So, for the first time ever, I knock on the door and his mum answers. I didn’t think this is how I’d meet his mum for the first time. Her eyes seem surprised. “Uhm, I’m here to see Scott,” I struggle out. A smile spreads across her face. “You must be Y/N,” my eyes widen. What? I can’t help but feel warm knowing he’s spoken to his mum about me. Why’s it so hard to convince myself that Scott’s a shitty person?

I push his door open, and we lock eyes. I can’t describe the speed of which he stood up when he saw me. “Y/N, what are- I mean- I didn’t expect you- Uhm... come in,” he coughs and gestures me to sit on the end of his bed. I don’t take the offer, but I send him a forced small smile. Looking at him, even just for a glance, I forget why I’m mad. He has this energy around him. “I just,” I sigh and look down to the floor. “I think I deserve an explanation Scott.” I can tell by his face that he doesn’t have one. I can tell that he probably just panicked and lied. But I want to hear that from him. “I don’t know what to say Y/N,” he shrugs and forces himself away for my he eye contact. My heart breaks a bit more. I begin to look up to stop the tears. I can see that he notices as his face changes and he steps forwards to possibly hug me. Stopping his with my hand, I continue with my point. “You-“ I take a deep breath as my mouth goes on to say something I’ve wanted to for a long time. “You are friends with a disgusting human being - if you can even call him that. I know you’re nothing like him. Trust me. But you sticking up for him, and knowing this goes on just-“ he starts to shake his head. “What goes on?” He interrupts. Another deep breath. “Don’t act like you don’t hear the way Bryce talks about girls, the way he acts. You have to of seen this,” I take another Polaroid out my pocket, one which was just of Bryce with some girl. He looks at it, but just for a second. His eyes looks away as if it’s too much for him to see. “I’ve never seen these, where did you get them?” “Zach gave them to us.” I reveal. He takes a deep breath, staring intensely at the Polaroid, then back at me. I watch him take a step forwards, and I want to stay where I am, but as his hand reaches out to touch my arm I force myself to take a step back. “Y/N please,” is that hurt in his voice? Am I being naive to think he’s the same guy I thought he was? “I have to go.”

The walk from his house to mine was long, and yet it wasn’t long enough. Sitting at home was emotionally draining as my thoughts run wild in the night. I need to turn it off. I force a smile at my mum before walking up the stairs and seeing Jess sat on my bed.

“Hey Jess,” I smile and release my hair from its disgusting messy bun. “What’s going on with Scott?” She asks, making my eyes widen. “What?” Pure confusion fills my body. “I was gonna ask you earlier but I thought I’d let you explain just to me first,” is she mad at me? “If he’s tried something on with you, or he’s done some-“ “No.” I stop her. As much as I definitely don’t wanna talk about Scott right now, and I could run his name through the ground, I can’t. “You can tell me, I understand,” her words sting. I know since Bryce she probably has quite a negative feeling about the jocks. If you heard most of the things they speak of and they they talk about girls, it’s truly disgusting. “It’s not like that Jess,” my words just make her eyebrows raise, waiting for what it is actually like. “We were, dating? I guess,” her mouth drops. “Y/N...” she sighs. “Its fine, it’s over anyway.” It’s over without it actually feeling over. To be honest, I don’t want it to be over. “You can’t trust anyone in that group, you know that,” I do. “What did he do then? To make you end it?” All I do is sighs and she assumes my answer. “I know Scott seems like a decent guy compared to the rest of them, but they’re all the same. Justin was the same.” I feel the true pain it brings Jessica to think about Justin, let alone say his name. We all avoid talking about Justin. I’m surprised she mentioned him at all. She stands up, getting ready to leave, but I pull her in for a hug before she moves too far away. “I’m sorry Jess.” I say simply. Should I of explained what he actually did? There’s no way she assumed right. Jess probably assumed worse. But I don’t have the energy to explain right now. If anything, I’ll probably cry.

- the next morning -

If I hit snooze there’s no way I’m going to school, so I force myself up and out at the first sound of my alarm. To be completely honest, I used to dress up for Scott. Not in a sexual way or to ‘turn him on’, but I’d put a bit more effort in. It feels weird that I don’t need to try and impress him right now. So grab the first thing I lay my hands on, which is a pair of joggers, and match them with a cropped hoodie. Let’s just go and get this over and done with.

I see Clay, Alex and Jess - and I smile as honestly as I can at them. “Hey guys,” I adjust my backpack on my shoulder when I notice only Jess smiles back. And it’s an ‘I’m sorry’ sort of smile. “You were dating Scott? What the fuck Y/N?!” Clay shouts angrily at me, I shush him as violently as I can, but I’m exhausted. I knew this would happen. I glance at Jess. “Thanks Jess,” I grunt. “They needed to know Y/N, and you need to know we’re here for you.” A hand grabs my shoulder, and I appreciate Alex’s gesture, but they’ve got the wrong idea. “Thanks, but you’re making it sound worse than it is.”

I spend about 5 minutes explaining to them the whole story. It was actually quite nice to tell people about me and Scott, even if it’s when we’re over. “I don’t know what you expected,” Clay mumbles. “Fuck you Clay. This is why I kept it a secret anyway.” I catch him roll his eyes. “So we can forgive Justin for what he did, but Scott’s a bad guy? Fuck this I’m going home.”

I struggle to not punch anything and everything on the way home. Between being pissed off at Scott, and then pretty much falling out with Clay over Scott... it’s just a mess. It shouldn’t have even happened! Why do I have such an urge to protect Scott? Especially when Clay isn’t completely wrong. I’ve really fucked up.

A few hours pass. It’s been a very unproductive day. I tried sitting and watching a movie, but I couldn’t stay still. I would’ve worked out but... no? So I spend my time scrolling through my phone. ‘Ryan’ pops up as a snapchat notification on my phone. I’m completely shocked at the sight beyond me. “Shit,” I mumble to myself as I watch a video of a massive fight in the hall. So much testosterone. Alex hitting Monty across the head, Cyrus pushing so many jocks it’s actually funny. It’s a complete mess. I begin the laugh until I see Scott’s arms spread around Clay. I immediately sit up and lock my phone with eyes wide. I couldn’t even finished the video. Grabbing my hoodie, I go for a very long walk.

My walk lasted about 2 hours. I couldn’t tell you where I went, I’m just so fucking angry I kept going and going. I walk until I get a text.

‘Meet us at Monet’s - it’s urgent!!’ - Clay.

“What the fuck happened? I burst as soon as I see the three of them. “I leave and everything starts?” I take my seat rather suddenly. “Are you okay?” Alex laughs. “Yeah but- I’m sorry. For Scott and being a bitch earlier. I didn’t mean it,” I get a nod from Clay, but his eyes drift behind me. I turn to see Scott. He automatically takes a seat at our table. “Leave Scott,” I sigh. It hurts to see him. His face is hard to read. “We invited him, actually...” Clay admits. “Right okay..? So you go for Clay and suddenly your best friends?” Scott’s eyes lock with mine. “I didn’t lay a hand on him. I wouldn’t do that to you.” My heart aches. “Well... thanks. We’re figuring out what to do about Monty and Bryce,” Clay presses his lips firmly together. “I know where Monty hides out when his dad...” he pauses and coughs. “Bryce doesn’t know about it. We can get to Monty on his own.” I listen to parts of the plan, constantly getting distracted with looking at Scott. My heart breaks more and more. His eyes lock with mine one again, but this time I don’t have it in me to look away. Blinking to try and stop it, my eyes begin to water. I think it’s time for me to leave. I don’t get more than a few metres out of Monet’s until Scott’s by my side. “I don’t want you to be upset Y/N,” his hand goes around my arm. “What do you expect Scott?” My voice breaks. “At least let me drive you home.”

I take him up on his offer, but I’m not sure what to do with myself. “I never did anything in the Clubhouse,” he says simple. “So why did you lie?” My voice is just a whisper. “I- I don’t know. I thought you’d think I was different-“ “That’s exactly what lying made me think.” Silence. There’s silence until I’m outside my house. I open the car do, but his words stop me from leaving. “I’m done protecting him, just so you know.” The words finally spring to mind, as well as, “Why?” My hand closes the door, leaving me inside with him. I didn’t want to leave. I should though. “It’s not worth... it’s not worth pushing you away.” His fingers tap the steering wheel in anxiousness. “Scott...” I whisper is awe. I promise I tried to keep my smile under control, so I just let out a slight small one. Inside I’m gleaming. “I’ll see you tomorrow Scott.”

I’m laid staring at my ceiling again. This time I find myself trying not to call Scott, or text Scott, or think about Scott. It’s driving me insane. His words, his eyes, his scent - it’s all making me want to just run back. It’s not the right thing. But here I am. “I wasn’t expecting this,” he lets out a chuckle as he answers my call. “Shut up,” I whisper with a quiet laugh. “What’s up?” I think for a second. I should lie. I should tell him I didn’t mean to call him. Or I could tell him- shit. “I just- I can’t sleep,” okay so we’re not lying. “Me neither.” There’s a pause before, “I’m gonna confront Monty tomorrow,” my heart sinks. That worries me more than words describe. What if Monty turns on him? What if Monty hurts him? I already feel guilty. “Tomorrow?” “Yeah,” his voice is breathy, as if he’s unsure of doing it. “You- I- what if he flips out on you?” I sit myself up, getting into a ‘hug knees’ position. He lets out another little laugh. I wish he wasn’t so fucking cute. I can’t even see his face, but I can see him in my head. “I’ll be fine Y/N.” “Scotty,” I let out a weep as the worry hits me a bit too much. I wipe my now wet right cheek. “I’m scared.” Shut up Y/N! “Fuck don’t say that.” “Why?” I know why. Its not his problem right now. Just hang up on me Scott! Shut me up! “Cause I’m now very close to getting some shoes on and coming to see you,” melting. “I’m gonna be fine Y/N,” he adds. His voice is calming. I lay myself down on my side. “I’ll come with you, if you want?” I whisper. “We both know you can’t.” Another pause. “But I’ll stay on the call with you until you fall asleep.” We’ve done that a lot through the past dating months. “I’m sorry,” I begin to close my eyes. “I’m sorry for being such a bitch,” Scott’s full of chuckles tonight as he lets out another. “You had the right to be angry.” Maybe I over-reacted. I feel myself drifting off. “Hey Y/N?” His voice is calming. I reply with a ‘mmhm’. “Did we break up?” I smile to myself. “No,” I whisper. I thought we did. I can’t let him go. “Good, cause I love you.”

- 9am the next morning -

It’s a Saturday morning. Early? A little. But I need to see Scott. I rush myself up, putting some shorts on and a hoodie that is definitely not mine (Scott’s).

I climb up on the bin, push the window that was slightly open fully open. He’s still in bed. I close the window back to where it was before taking my shoes off. Scott’s eyes open slightly. Letting myself into his bed, it’s nice to feel his warmth again. I feel safe here. With him, I feel okay. I turn to face him, his eyes still only slightly open. “Scotty?” I whisper, getting a soft grunt in return. “I love you too.”

I fell asleep curled up to him, awakening at about 11:30 to kisses on the cheek. “Thank you for coming over,” he whispers in the sexiest way those words can be said. “This might be my goodbye,” I joke - slightly. I remain actually very worried about this meeting. “A goodbye?” Another whisper. This boy doesn’t understand what his voice does to my body. To my emotions. I turn to face him fully, opening my eyes and pulling his lips onto mine. A simple kiss becomes very heated quite fast. His father big hands pull me on top of him, one leg either side of his body. I hover over his boxers. It’s so close to touching, but not close enough... yet. His hands begin massaging my ass, pushing me down onto him. I open my mouth to mouth, letting him stick his tongue into my mouth. We’re just starting to... and then, beep. He reaches over to his phone. He pulls away. “It’s Monty.”

I’m genuinely shaking. Everyone knows Monty’s unpredictable, that his anger is unpredictable. “Just let me-“ “No Y/N,” he yells as I try and convince him to let me go with him. “I’ll stay low, he won’t even know I’m there,” I mumble, which makes a smile grow on his face. “Nothing’s gonna happen to me. He’s one of my best mates,” I sigh at his words. As if him being one of his best mates does much. Bryce is one of his ‘best mates’ too. I follow him all the way to his car. “Scotty,” my voice breaks. “Don’t do that,” his hands go either side of my face, his right thumb stroking my cheek intently. “Do you want me to come over after?” I nod and accidentally blink. This lets a tear out. So pathetic Y/N, stop. His thumb wipes it, and his forehead leans on mine for a few seconds before removing his to kiss mine. Watching him get into his car, when I know Monty’s gonna get angry at Scott, is just odd. It feels like Scott’s almost fully mine. “Y/N...” the engine starts. “I love you.”

Hours go by spent pacing the floor of my bedroom floor. What is taking them so long? Words I’ve been waiting to hear for months flew out of his mouth as if it was easy. Or as if he wanted to say it before getting himself in a bit of trouble. I get it. But he didn’t even let me say it back. He just drove off. Fuck. I can imagine the worst, which I guess is a good thing. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best? Right? “Jesus Christ Y/N,” I get startled by Jess. “You need to calm down,” She adds, being followed by Alex and Clay. “Monty wouldn’t do anything too bad, not to Scott,” Clay tries to convince me. “That’s not really comforting Clay.” As I finish my sentence, my phone dings. Here it is. “I need your help.”

My heart sinks at the sight. I walk into his house - through the front door this time - to see Scott with a purple eye dripping with blood say at the dining table. “No No!” He panics. “It’s fine, I’m fine. I just need some help cleaning it up.�� The first thing I do is lightly lift his head to check his face out properly. “Fuck Scott,” I let out in a whisper. “There should be some cleaning alcohol shit in there with some cloths,” he points at a cupboard. “This is gonna sting,” I want him as I pour the liquid onto a white cloth. “I can take it,” I smile massively at his words. The confidence behind those words was too much. “Yeah okay,” I laugh. “Ready?” I ask, which leads him to nod rather hesitantly. His eyes squint as he hisses slightly. I step forward to clean it properly, twisting his head as I do so. His eyes look softly into mine. “Don’t look at me like that,” I whisper, trying not to look back into his. Hands go gently on my hips, smoothly rubbing up to my waist and back down again, then rubbing circles with his thumb on a a bare bit of skin. “Stop,” I laugh. And he doesn’t. “Scott,” I laugh again. “Alright I’m done,” I say, being pulled onto his lap in seconds. I scan his face, which doesn’t look too bad after cleaning up the blood, and tug his bottom lip down with my right thumb. Forcing my lips on his, it feels like he’s been gone for ages. His touch has been gone for too long. Hands that sit nicely on my waist pull my body closer to his. The sensations spirally through my body are powerful. This boy could take me right now, anywhere and everywhere, if he wanted. To gain control I slide my tongue into his mouth, tangling our tongues together for a second before pulling away. “What was that for?” He asks, pulling his bottom lip in slightly. “I love you too.”

#13 reasons why #13rw #scott reed #13 reasons why scott #scott reed x reader

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