#i also keep random things I like for example I kept a chocolate wrapping paper because it had a poem on it

[pretentiouswreckingball]

I was wondering… do you guys have memory boxes? do you know what they are? If so, what’s one of the most treasure items you keep in them?

[twistednuns]

April 2018

Rediscovering an old passion of mine: The ice. I went to another ice-hockey match the other day and the atmosphere was fantastic - tense, excited, the players were really going for it. Hannes bought me beer and a hot dog and I enganged in friendly banter with the enemy (I wished him a safe trip home to Karlsruhe after Mannheim had lost and he winked at me). I really hope we'll win the semi-finals. I desperately want to go to the final! Ice-hockey brings back childhood memories for me because I used to join my dad who had season tickets for the LA Cannibals. He was allowed to bring children under 6 for free (I think I must have been 6 until I was about 10 years old...) I also saw the movie I, Tonya about the infamous figure skater Tonya Harding on Easter Sunday, sitting alone in the cinema, enjoying my popcorn. I loved this film. The soundtrack is awesome, the acting and the humour are spot-on. A few days later I actually went ice-skating with Korbian (in the EHC Red Bull rink!) and even though my feet still hurt so much that I have to unfasten the ice skates every twenty minutes it was great fun. Water and ice - I'm in my element.

A small present from a sixth-grader: a sticker of a smiling bowl of ramen noodle soup!

I can see that I'm so much fitter now than a few months ago. I can run up a flight of stairs without being out of breath. Not even a bit.

Sewing together all the granny squares I had lying around. The size is still on baby blanket level so just give me a few more years to finish it...

The first warm days. Planting flowers in front of my window (primrose, forget-me-not, buttercups). Setting up the canvas chair. Hanging up the laundry on the balcony. Eating outside, walking over Viktualienmarkt just before sunset. Great light and amazing smells.

Climbing the hill in Olympiapark. Lying in the grass, making out with K., enjoying a spectacular view over the Alps and the city.

Having painted toe nails for the first time after the winter. I especially like O.P.I's Tickle my France-y (and how every nail polish just looks so much prettier under water).

The Describe Yourself Like a Male Author Would Twitter thread: Her breasts entered the room before her far less interesting face, decidedly maternal hips and rounded thighs. He found her voice unpleasantly audible. As his gaze dropped from her mouth (still talking!) to her cleavage, he wondered why feminists were so angry all the time. (stellar example by Jennifer Weiner)

Watching Gegen die Wand by Fatih Akin for the first time. And Frida - seems like I'm quite into biopics considering how much I liked I, Tonya.

Seeing how the cat reacted to Korbinian. She just rolled into a little ball in his palms and he held her in his hands for quite a while. Seems like she prefers men...

Amira Casar is very pretty.

He said I didn't snore!

Unter Glück hatte ich mir eigentlich was anderes vorgestellt.

A new double-ended eyebrow brush.

Talking about that one illustration in Janosch's Post für den Tiger (mole network!) and Lena knew immediately what I meant.

Walking over the playground with Lena and Alexandra. Trying out the seesaw, a carousel and the swings. Climbing a jungle gym, squeezing through the ropes, sliding down (my ass didn't get stuck!!)

Lying outside in the sun on a deck chair after one hour of swimming. Cold at first, very very nice after I was dry. It's incredible how much power the sun already has.

Sore muscles from ice-skating. Hill-climbing. Swimming.

Talking a walk in the Nymphenburg castle grounds. Taking a photo of Magdalenenklause (as always - I think it's fascinating how you can see the reflection of the trees and the blue sky as well as the interior of the chapel and the windows at the far end). Reading at Königsplatz. Buying food at the Asian market and some candy at Pomeroy & Winterbottom. Meeting Lena and Obi, having avocado toast with fried eggs at Holzkranich in Schwabing. All in all a really nice day even though I wasn't in a great mood to begin with.

Trommeln in der Nacht was the best play I've seen at the Kammerspiele so far. I really liked it. I mean, an Australian guy singing pop songs during a classic Brecht play - what can go wrong?

Swimming freestyle laps for the first time! My technique is probably shit but all that matters is that it gets my heart rate up.

Finding four tiny holo stars on a page in a librabry book.

Deciding to ride my bike down to Großhesselohe - I lay around in the sunshine in my bathing suit. And I needed sunscreen for the first time this year! I love the smell of the Garnier sun oil. Felt like summer! Isarkaribik... I also lay across from a nudist guy with a pretty good ass. Doesn't hurt.

Moser Roth lemon yoghurt chocolate.

Getting a bunch of Alstroemeria flowers at the supermarket. They were so pretty and stayed fresh for weeks.

Scene hunting.

The sound of the woodpeckers in the trees outside my apartment.

Delicious recipes for all kinds of wraps in the latest issue of Schrot und Korn.

Walking barefoot.

Meeting two huge, fat cats on my evening walk over the fields. Seeing the illuminated living rooms, watching people having dinner, wondering if they actually like each other. The smell of the first blossoming trees. The view over the forest after sunset, watching planes rise above the clouds. The sound of last year's leaves in the wind. Still some traces of light left. Seeing a hedgehog behind a garden fence.

How interested the cat was in the little blooming twig I brought home from a walk.

Reading so incredibly much.

Reading, yes, again - reading about Sylvia Plath and Ted Hughes in Connie Palmen's Du sagst es. It's a fictional autobiography of Hughes. All these feelings, so much drama and a life for literature.

Another evening walk (I like them best) - lying down in the big nest swing at the playground. Finding a pile of free give-aways on a bench, taking home paper plates (I use them for acrylic paints).

Trauringe have only one letter more than traurige.

Going to work by tram on a sunny morning. A book in my lap, eating fruit salad. Seeing the city in a different light and discovering places I had never seen before because I usually only go there by night (for example the square/monument left of the Isar near Müllersches Volksbad).

The fact that the laundry dries in a matter of hours on the balcony now.

Taking a random library book to read on my way to work. Reading the passage "Es war April, der Monat, der von T.S. Eliot zum grausamsten unter seinesgleichen gekürt wurde, und es war Freitag, der dreizehnte." in April, on Friday the 13th. The likelihood of this happening is approximately 1 in 2500.

Kunstautomaten.

Meeting basically everyone at Muffat-Biergarten. The Fabis, Claudia, Frank, Manu and Susa. Even Lucy the dog-lady was there.

Paying Rasmus a compliment which he was really happy about.

Hanging up some crystals in the trellis on the balcony.

Spending a day at the Northern part of the English Garden with the "family". Playing Kubb, somersaulting spontaneously, so much delicious food (pizza, chocolate fruit, chickpea salad, sushi, cold drip coffee, ...), exploring some old trees at the riverside, climbing, playing with cheeky dogs, reading Lena's graphic novel.

The Destiny's Child reunion at Coachella.

Ferrero is making mother-effin' Kinder Bueno, Milchschnitte and Kinderriegel ice-cream now! Deliiiish.

Going to a workshop about voice and body language. I actually got way more positive feedback than expected. Apparently my voice and articulation are quite nice and I keep eye contact much better than I thought. Also, I asked another girl from the group to join me for lunch. Yay, talking to people! Hello, new extrovert me!

Foldable silicon lunch boxes.

Playing badminton in the park. I want to do that more often!

Getting eight more books from the library even though I still had five at home.

When your book fits exactly into the handle on the seat in front of you and you don't need a bookmark.

Having a monthly ticket for public transport is surprisingly nice. Hop on, hop off.

Visiting some of my students at their work place on Girls'/Boy's Day. We went to Deutsches Museum and a kindergarden, for example. It was great to see how much the kids enjoyed their days.

The playoff final!!! Two goals in 10 seconds, omg. So EHC Red Bull Munich won for the third time in a row. There were gold glitter, beer showers, the players' children on the ice. And I flirted with a dude from Garmisch who kept calling me princess.

Woodworking. I'm currently carving a bowl and a small bird out of limewood.

Carrying a huge pot of flowers all the way home on the train.

That other kind of mango. The type you usually get in Asia. Less sweet, creamier.

Going to the market on Saturdays. Getting fresh bread, vegetables or flowers for the balcony.

Riding my bike through the forest in order to get to the garden centre.

A weird childhood flashback while washing my dirty feet in the sink: the memory of my grandma who wouldn't let us sit on the sofa in the summer if we didn't do that.

Spending a day with a happy-go-lucky woodworker. Playing games at the Starnberger See. Driving around in his Skoda. Eating pizza.

Wearing the &otherstories sunflower necklace with the one I bought in Portland and had always been to tight for me. And wearing the pink-blue checked pyjama pants in combination with a soft grey longsleeve shirt. Another thing that used to be too small.

The balcony!!! Tomatoes, yellow zucchini, pink poppies, multi-coloured petunias, I mean, YES. The light breaking in one of the crystals. Rainbow reflections.

[zouanor]

10

“My dad’s sick.”

It was the first time in just about three weeks that i’ve seen Niall (and for a good reason this time). It’s the first time in three weeks that I wasn’t put under the stress of being someone I wasn’t. It was the the first time that I was able to breathe and just relax, do my own thing without being scrutinized or have weird looks given to me.

It felt nice.

Once Niall’s family had finally left, we both went out to dinner. He both had thanked me and apologized for everything that was either said or looked upon. I understand though, he wanted to make it realistic as possible. But he was also right back weeks ago when he said I would be asking him to do the same thing with my Aunt. But my family didn’t meet Niall, only heard of his name or seen a picture or two on Instagram (even though they still believe he’s not real).

While I went back to work and focusing of Cissy’s wedding with Charlotte and spending time with Liam and Louis, Niall went back to school. From what I gathered, he had to focus on a big test and continue on with his senior thesis. As much as I would’ve liked to see him, I rather him focus on something like that than me. After all, he spent nearly a month trying to play the role of boyfriend, and has probably learned a little too much about me.

Or maybe he hasn’t at all and I just played everything off like he knew he did.

Whatever it was, I think the both of us were thankful it was over.

Hanging out today was actually Niall’s idea. He wanted me to come down to Sheffield and we’d just hang about there. He said that Harry and Alexa might join us, but he didn’t know exactly due to whatever they were planning amongst themselves. I was fine with either, because even if I couldn’t hang out with them now, there were more times that I could.

So there was the two of us walking around Graves park around noon-time. It was colder than normal, so when I say I looked like an eskimo, I really did. I had a parka on with the fur hood covering my face and to say the least, I was bundled up. Niall on the other hand just had a winter jacket and a hat to keep himself warm, like the cold didn’t really affect him much.

Jerk.

While one hand held hot chocolate, the other was wrapped around Niall’s arm and into his hand. It was a new thing of ours, at least I think it was. I don’t know how it started or when it did, but I liked it. Most of the time I didn’t think about it until I felt warmth and realized that I wasn’t holding my own hand.

“He’s sick? Like is it a cold sick or he’s got something wrong with him?”

“Thats the thing, I have no idea. Charlotte and Mum’s keeping quiet about this. It’s like they don’t want me to know, but I’m a big girl, I deserve to know.”

“But what if they’re doing it to protect you?”

“Protect me how?” I asked before bringing the hot chocolate to my lips. I was confused on just about everything, about why they were keeping that from me and why they were, in Nialls words, protecting me.

“Well, what if they’re trying to find a way to tell you? I mean, you’re not always good with news right away. So what if they’re trying to find a good way to tell you, and not cause you to be upset about it?”

He was sort of right. I wasn’t good with news at all. A good example was when my mood dropped the day his family said they were staying for a little bit longer, and we saw how much my mood had dropped then.

“But I’ll be upset because they’re not telling me whats wrong. I mean, I think it has to be something bad if they’re not telling me anything at all.”

“It’s only your mum and Charlotte that knows, right?” He asked, tugging me over with him to throw his empty cup away before continuing on our walk.

“I have a weird feeling Liam knows. But Liam wouldn’t lie to me, ever.” I groaned at the thought of all three of them keeping this from me. What would make it worse was if Louis was told not to tell me either.

“For now, Flower, let’s talk about something different and not worry about this, yeah?”

And while I nodded my head in agreement, I was still going to worry.

~~~

We actually managed to meet up with Harry.

Niall said that when he got off the phone with Harry, he said that Alexa couldn’t join them because she went to be with family. While I was bummed that I wasn’t going to see her, I was actually happy to have at least the boys to keep up with.

“My favorite person is here!” Harry chimed once he had seen us. While Niall had (once again) suspected it was about him, he started beaming.

“Haven’t I told you? It’s always going to be Rosie. You’re my favorite too, just not, the favorite.” Harry smirked after putting emphasis on favorite. Niall went on to mumble a ‘fuck you’ but gave him a hug anyways, then moved to the side so I can get my hug from him.

It was Harry’s suggestion that we went to some hole-in-the-wall restaurant. I didn’t have a problem with that, I could find anything to eat at this rate.

“Why has Niall kept you away from me?” Harry asked minutes later, his arms folding against his chest, a cocky grin forming on his face.

“Because he’s jealous that I’m your favorite and not him?” That gave Harry another laughing fit and Niall muttering under his breath again.

“While yes, thats true, I wanna know whats been going on that you’ve been hidden away from me.”

“Busy I guess. I mean, i’ve been working a whole bunch, but I’ve also been working on wedding stuff with my sister.”

“Wait Charlotte’s getting married?” Harry had looked so confused while Niall started laughing.

When I first met Harry, he asked about me just like Niall had. So I had told him about my sister and my parents. Other stuff had came up, but he was always so intrigued about my sister for some random ass reason. Maybe it was because she was crazier than me, or maybe it was because I always talked about her more than my parents. Whatever the case was, he just… was interested in my life.

“No! Remember i’ve talked about her friend Cissy? I’m helping Charlotte plan Cissy’s wedding because Cissy doesn’t like event planners because they ruin things. Charlotte’s the maid of honor and I’m walking with the ring bearer and flower girl so they won’t kill each other.”

Harry’s expression changed into an understood look, and nodded his head slowly.

“So you’re going to walk with kids? Do you have a date?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

As quickly as he asked that, it was also as quick as I grabbed my drink and took a sip. I looked at him for a split second before moving my eyes in the direction of Niall. Niall, on the other hand, had his arms crossed and looked around every place he could without looking at Harry.

“No fucking way. He’s meeting your whole family at a wedding? Fuck, can you record that for me?”

“No!” I hollered rather loudly, my hands going straight to my mouth as my cheeks with a shade of red. I didn’t need people’s attention on me because of that and I didn’t want it.

“Dammit, that’s going to be a lovely ‘meet the parents’ plan. Have you at least seen her dress, mate?”

For the rest of dinner, Harry droned on and on about the wedding details and Niall’s involvement as being my date because I played his girlfriend. It went to the point of us saying goodbye to each other and Niall pushing Harry off in the direction he was in, saying something along the lines of “shove off” and “good night.”

~~~

“Why can’t you just stay.” Niall whined again.

After dinner with Harry, we went off to do our own thing again. We mainly went walking around the school campus. Once again, my arm was linked around his from earlier in the day, only we had no hot chocolate this time. I opted to hide my other hand in my coat pocket to keep warm instead and worried less on the hand that would be frozen.

“Cos I’ve got to work and you have a senior thesis to write.” I reminded him.

“That’s not fair.” He huffed then, making a frowny face because of it.

“It is fair, because you’ve got a paper to write and I know come december you’ll have to get it all edited by a teacher and have to rewrite it. More slacking means more stressing on it down the line.” I hummed.

“How do you know that?” He made a face at me.

“You’ve mentioned it once or twice.”

“I did?”

“You did.” I confirmed.

“Oh.”

We moved on from the campus down to the main street. It all fell silent again as we walked, and in a way, it was soothing and nice. I mean, I know talking was nice and so was a conversation, but having silence was a good thing too. After all, being in the presence of someone was good enough in the long run.

Niall guided me to the train station, knowing that even if he begged and pleaded all he wanted, I still had to go back home. Not to mention, it would’ve been weird if I had stayed, because it technically would’ve been the first time ever staying there.

As in, fully sleepin there. Staying the night. With him.

As much as the offer was nice, there was no way I was ready for that? Let alone even prepared for something like that.

The sky was turning pretty shades of pinks and oranges just like the morning would, only it was showing the sun was setting. Because of this I held onto Niall a little bit tighter, even though there wasn’t a reason for it. But knowing that once we would get to the train station and get my ticket, the sky would probably be black out.

“When are you coming back North?” I asked randomly, realizing that we were getting closer to the station.

“Dunno, maybe next week? It’s the end of october, everything’s starting to get crazy. Why what’s up?”

“Just wondering if I’ll see ya or not.” I shrugged my shoulders then.

“Why?” He asked again, this time stopping in our tracks to look at me.

“I’ve got plans coming up and I wanted to know if you coming up to Leeds would interfere with them or not. Now can we continue walking?”

Niall rolled his eyes then, leading us to start walking again. Although he had said next week, I was pretty sure he was going to stay down in Sheffield for the next couple of weeks because of school. It would be okay for me, because that way I can get things done with Cissy and probably get my own place decorated for Christmas and whatever else I needed to do.

Upon getting to the train station and paying for my ticket, Niall waited with me there until the train came. We stayed in silence once again, this time appreciating it as we waited. Or well, I waited and Niall stood there to keep an eye out on me.

“So… about that dress.”

“You’re back on that subject?” I turned to look at him, a smirk forming on my face as he sheepishly smiled at me. “No, it’s a surprise. Literally no one has seen it. You’ll just have to wait like everyone else.”

“But how am I going to match?”

“Guess you’re not going to match then.” I started to laugh once Niall made a horrible attempt at a glaring look.

“When is the wedding, seeing as you never brought up a date at all.”

“May 10th down in London. You know where the Royal Exchange is? That’s where we’re going.”

By then the train had arrived and waited for everyone to aboard and get off. I walked over to Niall, hugging him tightly before letting go and made a face.

“I’ll see you soon.” Niall spoke, giving a little wave as turned to walk into the train.

I really hoped I would see him soon.

~~~

The following morning I was up and waiting around for Charlotte.

After I had gotten home last night Charlotte had called me, asking if I wanted to hang out. I told her I had just gotten home, and so today would be better than last night. I had no idea what we were doing, but I all i know was that she wanted to hang out.

“You’re awfully giddy looking today, Rosie? What’s gotten into you?”

“I am?” I asked. I didn’t think I looked giddy today at all.

“You look it. Is it a boy?”

“No?”

She made that infamous face of hers, saying “okay whatever” without being verbal about it. It was a look that she normally gave me when I wanted to play dumb, or that I was confused by her actions. And right now, I was confused by her actions.

“Anyways, we’re going to plan your birthday.”

“My birthday isn’t until December… We’re on November 4th. We don’t need to do anything for my birthday.”

“C’mon Rosie, we went to Amsterdam for my birthday! This time around we get to celebrate yours in a different place. Where’d you wanna go? Paris? Madrid? Rome? Greece? C’mon give me some ideas!”

“It’s the two of us, yeah?”

“Mhm.”

The two of us went walking. I figured we had no exact place to go too because we were wandering. I didn’t mind though, walking around with no destination. It had became my new favorite hobby to do, even if we had someplace to go, just walking was a new thing for me. And since that's what Charlotte and I were doing, I was perfectly happy doing that.

My birthday was on December 10th, and Charlotte wanted to plan my birthday now.

Thinking about it though, it made sense. I had weeks to plan her birthday and now she wanted to have the same amount of time to plan for my birthday. I was glad that she was at least offering different places and ideas.

The first thought in my mind would’ve been Belize to see my dad, but Charlotte and I were going in the summer and that would’ve been a little too much.

“What about Madrid?”

Charlotte turned to look at me with a big smile on her face.

“Madrid it is.”

We continued walking for a little while until we found a restaurant to eat at. Charlotte raved on and on about how good the food was since she had been here a few times with some of her friends. I wasn’t trusting her until I had some for myself.

After what seemed like forever, I had to ask.

“How sick is dad?”

That got Charlotte to choke on her meal, reaching for her water. I sat there quietly, watching her trying to get her thoughts together and to clear her throat. I wanted to know, I had to know.

“He’s fine, Rosie. Just had a minor cold, nothing to worry about.” She made it seem as if it was nothing to worry about. That wasn’t what I heard a few days ago, saying that they were worried and wouldn’t tell me.

“That’s not what you guys made it out to be.” I huffed.

“Rosie, don’t worry about it, alright? Mum and I got it under control.”

I didn’t know what it was, but what she said made my blood boil. I didn’t like the idea of not knowing, and so this was just the icing on the cake. I looked around quickly before making a drastic decision. Grabbing my bag I hopped off my seat, giving her a look.

“Whatever Charlotte.”

And while I heard her protests for me to come back, I didn’t.