#i also had a dream i was at my grandma's house looking through her cupboards and there were a lot of puffy snacks | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

midnightartemis · 4 years ago

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Chapters: 30/? Fandom: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Finn/Rose Tico, Poe Dameron/Rey, Poe Dameron/Finn, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren Characters: Rey (Star Wars), Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Ben Solo, Finn (Star Wars), Poe Dameron, Rose Tico, Leia Organa, Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, Maz Kanata, Larma D'Acy, Amilyn Holdo, Snoke (Star Wars), Boba Fett, Bossk (Star Wars), Armitage Hux, Chewbacca (Star Wars) Additional Tags: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Abuse, Drug Use, Suicide Attempt, Star-crossed, Dreams, Alternate Universe - High School, High School, School Dances, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Foster Care, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Near Death Experiences, Multiverse, Reincarnation, Attempted Sexual Assault, Assault, Graphic Description, Teenage Drama, Horny Teenagers, Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Past Drug Use, Drug Dealing

Chapter Two

The first day, a new school. I take a deep breath. It wasn’t my first new school, but I hoped it would be the last. It was a lot to process- Maz, Holdo. Every one of my instincts told me it was too good to be, but I trusted Holdo, and if Maz raised Holdo, I could trust her too. She was right. This was different.

I wake up early, wanting to make a good impression. I brush my teeth and shower and- Is that a razor? It takes a lot longer, but I eventually make it through my leg and armpit hair and jump out of the shower. The closet- My closet is filled with clothes of every shape and size and style and I wonder just how many girls Maz has fostered over the years.

I fish through the clothes until I find a soft dandelion yellow overall style dress and pair it with a white, faux turtleneck shirt made of incredibly stretchy, soft material. There’s a pile of shoes under the clothes, but I decide to stick with my ratty, old white converse… Well, they used to be white. I grab my bag and head downstairs, vibrating with excitement and nervousness. Maz is sitting on the back deck nursing a coffee and overlooking her garden. She’s still in purple and pink pajamas and looks up in surprise when I walk out the door. “You’re up early. Sleep well, kid?”

I nod and stare hungrily at the platter of eggs and bacon. “Yes, thank you.”

Maz notices my hunger. “Well, don’t just stand there, they’re there for you, too. Dig in.”

I quickly sit and fill my plate.

“Do you drink coffee?” I nod and she stands, fetching another cup for me. “Cream? Sugar?”

“Just plain black, please.”

“Ah, you’re one of the good ones I can tell.” Maz chuckles and I giggle, accepting the coffee from her. It smells amazing.

“How many girls have you fostered?”

Maz sits back, a pleasant speculative look in her eye. “Oh… I lose track sometimes. I’ll have to pull out the scrapbook, but I think at least twenty over the years. There was a period of time where I fostered siblings, but now I just take only children. Two people are more than enough for this house. I’ve adopted five of them.”

“Five!?” I nearly choke on my eggs.

“Yes, Amilyn is the only one I see regularly since she’s so close, they’re all spread out all over the world, but most of them call or text or send letters a lot.”

“And it’s just you? No one else?”

“Nope, no one else. I’ve had my fair share of romances,” she winks. “But I do best on my own. I prefer it, with you all for the good company of course.”

“Why do you do it?”

“Well, I know what it feels like. I was in the system once, too. Long, long before your time. I got taken in when I was sixteen by my adoptive parents. And when they died, I decided to carry on that legacy. Help others how they helped me.”

“That sounds very noble.”

Maz snorts. “Hardly. I’m a senile old woman who just wants a little company. It’s for all those-how do you kids say it- juicy government checks.” There’s a twinkle in her eye as she jokes. She takes a glance at the watch on her wrist. “Finish up, wash up. I’ll put on my grandma’s pants and we’ll get you off to school. They’ll want me to sign a bunch of stuff and I gotta get to the bar to deal with their usual incompetencies. Did she mention the bar?”

I nod through my last bite of eggs.

“You’ll never have to go there if you don’t want to, but you’re more than welcome to come by after school. Also, you should send me your number. I don’t want a minute by minute notice of where you are, but you are my responsibility, so I would like to know your general locations and plans. Fair?”

I nod. “Fair.”

There weren't a lot of places I planned on going to. I didn’t know anyone here. Though… I wouldn’t say no to exploring the downtown area.

Maz left to change and I finished my breakfast and cleaned my dishes. I searched through the cupboards until I found a set of glass Tupperware and placed the leftover eggs and bacon inside. I waited patiently on the couch, twiddling my thumbs and trying to not think about things so much. The first day of classes always made me anxious, and now my life has completely turned around in the last twenty-four hours. Maz appeared at the bottom of the stairs and I tried and failed to not smile at her “grandma pants”. For one thing, they were bright purple and covered in embroidery, and, for another, they were paired with an equally bright pink and blue top. Everything screamed hippy grandma. She grabbed a set of keys from a hook on the wall. “Alright, kid, got everything?”

I nod and follow her out the car to her small garage where there is, of course, an original bright yellow Volkswagen bug. Who is this lady and where has she been my entire life? I climb in the passenger seat and we take off down the road to the school.

My stomach does a flip at the sight of the school. There are a few cars in the parking lot, but we’re still half an hour early. Maz parks and we walk through the doors of New Republic High together. The entrance lobby is huge, surrounded by windows and filled with light from a round skylight in the ceiling. The floor is white tile and in the center of the lobby floor, there is a huge mosaic crest of a Falcon clutching a sword. A red banner flies below it inscribed with Latin: In absentia lucis, Tenebrae vincunt.

“It means ‘In the absence of light, darkness prevails.’”

I jump at the voice and look up to see a bubbly girl with jet black hair and a cute face smiling at me. “Uh… Okay.”

“You must be Rey, I’m Rose and I get to be your student ambassador. I also help out in the office and I saw you were starting today, so I thought I would meet you at the door.” Rose sticks her hand out and I shake it. “Hi, Miss Kanata.”

“Rose…” Maz raises her eyebrows.

“Sorry. Miss Maz.” Rose’s smile doesn’t falter. “It’s the school’s motto. It’s supposed to inspire us to ‘be the good in the world’ or something.” She waves her hand through the air, brushing past the meaning. “Principal Organa is ready for you if you. She’s excited to meet you.”

Rose practically skips away and we follow her, ascending the stairs to an open door that leads to a reception area. Rose walks through the reception center and to an open door near the back. We follow her through and I find myself in a spacious office. Everything is wood and lavender, warm and inviting. Sitting at the desk is an older woman with greying hair, perfectly styled in a braided bun. She’s wearing a tailored blue dress and silver cat eyeglasses on the bridge of her nose. She takes her glasses off as we enter and stands with a smile. “Rey Niima?”

I nod and shake her hand.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you. I am Principal Leia Organa. And good to see you again, Maz.” Principal Organa’s smile is warm, inviting. Still, I wouldn’t want to get on her bad side. “Rose, thank you. Would you please get Maz the right paperwork and I’ll talk with Rey?”

My stomach flips with nerves again. Principal Organa gestures to the chairs in front of her desk and I sit as Rose and Maz leave. Organa puts on her glasses once more and moves to her computer. “Just a moment, let me pull up your file.”

I sit up straight, on edge as I look around the room. There are bookshelves filled with books and art. An orchid blooms on a windowsill, and I think that the window overlooks a courtyard.

“Here you are. Very impressive Rey. It says that you finished up Trigonometry and English Two, a history class, a social studies class, Earth Science, and computer programming. No language courses?”

“They didn’t exactly offer any,” I say, nervous. “I know a little bit of Spanish. One of my foster families lived in the Hispanic neighborhood of Jakku.”

“Would you like to take a placement test in Spanish?”

I shake my head. “I only know how to say a few things, not read or write.”

“We require three years of language to graduate.” She peers at me over her glasses and I sink in my seat. She turns her gaze back to her computer and clicks a few things. “We will just have to get you all caught up. You can either take an extra summer course or have two blocks of language, it’s up to you.”

“Uh…” I’m completely out of my depth. I’m not even sure if I’ll still be here in the summer, much less what a block is. “What’s a block?”

Principal Organa’s eyes soften. “We run New Republic more like a college than a high school so that you’re prepared when you go to college. It builds responsibility and trust. So, you’ll have some classes that you only have Monday, Wednesday, Friday, or Tuesday, Thursday. Blocks are forty-five minutes. Some of your classes may only take up one block, some two or three.”

College. I shake my head. It was a dream. “Okay. Um… I guess I’ll do two blocks of language.”

“We offer French, Spanish, Russian, and Latin.”

“Latin.” Might as well. Organa smiles.

“So, I’ll mark you down for the junior year history class- Current World Events and most juniors take Psychology unless you’d rather take Religion?” She glances at me and I shake my head. “And, P.E. That’s the basics, the rest have a little wriggle room for what you want to do here. So, tell me about yourself. What are you interested in? What are your plans for post-graduation?”

“Uh… I have no idea what I’m going to do after graduation. I like science and math… Figuring out how things work.”

“Taking things apart and putting them back together?” She asks.

I nod. “It used to get me in a lot of trouble.”

“A little bit of trouble never hurt anyone.” Principal Organa winks. “I want you to meet with our Guidance Counselor. There’s a lot of avenues for girls like you who want to go into STEM fields. For now, since your math and science grades are so high, I’m going to place you in… Pre-Calculus, Physics, and… Small engines.”

I wrinkle my eyebrows. “Small engines?”

“It’s more fun than you think. I’m no good at it, but my husband is, and I think you’ll like him.”

She barely knows me, but okay. “Okay.”

“And last, but not least, I like everyone to take at least one art class. There’s painting, drawing, photography, band, orchestra, choir, sculpture, woodworking… Are any of these peeking your interest?”

“Drawing, I guess.” I had taken a drawing class before. I wasn’t the best at it, but I wasn’t horrible either.

“Okay.” Principal Organa hit a few more buttons. I heard a printer whirl beneath her and she bent down to grab a piece of paper.

“This is your schedule,” she grabbed another sheet of paper as well and handed both to me. “And the second one is a list of all the groups and activities on campus as well as a list of emails for staff and phone numbers for any services you may or may not need during your time here. And my door is always open, Miss Niima. I’m happy to have you here. Rose will handle you from here and show you around to all of your classes.”

I walk out of Principal Organa’s office to find Maz and Rose crackling at the counter. Rose wipes away tears from her eyes and Maz grabs her bag from the counter at the sight of me. “Looks like they got you all ready to go, hun. I’ll pick you up at four unless you let me know differently. You have my number, and Rose will take good care of you.”

I’m a little sad to watch her go. And excited. And nervous. And still trying to process everything. Rose seems nice enough. I usually didn’t get a guide on the first day. Jakku’s schools were more of the ‘fend for yourself’ type. Rose waves good-bye to Maz and turns to me. “You get your schedule?”

“Yeah.” I hand the paper to her and she looks it over, growing more and more excited. “What is it?”

“Lucky for you, we have a lot of the same classes. Both STEM girls.” Rose winks and I blush uncomfortably. “Ugh, I loved small engines. Mr. Solo is so cool.”

“Is that Principal Organa’s husband?”

“Yup!” Rose bounces from around the counter. “Come on. I’ll give you a tour and show you your locker. The assembly doesn’t start for another half-hour.”

I follow her closely out into the halls and it’s completely different from earlier. I can hardly see the school seal there’s so many people rushing back and forth, talking, laughing, hugging. Rose takes my hand and before I know it I’m dragged into the chaos.

“So, you already saw the seal. We’re the Millenium Falcons, established in 1960 by the Skywalker family, of which Principal Organa is descended from. It’s a long history with a lot of drama. This is the freshman wing,” Rose pointed down a long hallway and then to the mirroring one. “And the Sophomore wing. Basically, the founder got killed by her husband and nearly got killed himself, even though he really really loved her and she was pregnant. It’s kinda sad actually. No one really knows the full story.”

Rose pushed through glass double doors and we walked into a courtyard. The sidewalk divided the green into quarters. Every inch of the courtyard was maintained and perfectly landscaped. There was even a fountain in the center. Rose gestured to the wall of the building on her right. “That side houses the gymnasium. There’s a swimming pool and a rock wall and a weight room. Oh, you’ll need to bring tennis shoes for that and stuff to shower with, but they provide a shirt and shorts. The other side,” Rose nodded to the left side of the square courtyard. “That’s where the lunchroom and the art rooms are.”

I follow Rose straight across the courtyard, trying to take it all in. It was so massive, so grand compared to everything I had never known. A pool? Really? I hope they don’t make people swim… I push the thought away. I’ll burn that bridge when I get there. Just survive the first day. We walk through an identical pair of double doors and we’re in the back of the square. It looks almost identical to the front of the building. I can see a parking lot through the windows and rolling forests beyond that. The seal is there again, and it’s crowded with students rushing around.

“Finn! Poe!” Rose dropped my hand and raced towards two guys in varsity jackets. The tall, dark one caught her and swung her into a deep kiss. They broke apart laughing and Rose gave the other a quick hug. His hair was dark and curly, a smirk on his lips. It wasn’t hard to miss the class clown. Rose waved me over. “Rey, this is Finn and Poe.” She nodded to the boy she kissed and the class clown respectively.

“Hi.” I smile and wave shyly. Finn gives me a giant grin and immediately pulls me into a bear hug. “Oh.”

“It’s great to meet you, Rey,” Finn says once he sets me down.

“Diddo.” Poe winks at me and Rose slaps his chest.

“Poe, don’t scare her away. She’s a science girl, too, and I need more girl power in those classes. I’m outnumbered and tired of it.”

“It’s okay,” I laugh. “He doesn’t scare me.”

Finn laughs. “Okay, I like her. Are you giving her the famous Rose Tico tour?”

“I’m trying to, and then I got distracted.” Rose gives Finn a quick kiss on the lips and I blush, looking away. “Save us seats at assembly?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Finn smiles, a man in love.

The people around me are bustling and loud, obnoxious teenagers. I’m suddenly grateful for my newfound friends.

Rose is gesturing down the hall on the right. “That’s the senior hall. You might go in there sometimes, especially in winter to go to lunch. They get really pissed if you’re loud during class time, but you don’t seem like the loud type.”

I smile. No, not really. Loud spaces were difficult sometimes, especially when I was as uncomfortable as I am now. Rose takes my arm and leads me down the last hall. “This is the Junior hall.”

We walk down a hall filled with blue lockers. There’s a door to a classroom about every twenty or thirty feet. Rose looks at my class schedule. “You’re locker 364, not that far from me!”

We find my locker and Rose tells me to leave my bag there. I do, after struggling with the combination for ten minutes. The end of the hall comes to a corner with a staircase and a wall of windows. Around the corner is a door marked Gymnasium. Rose lets me peek in and I can only gape at the two basketball courts, and, beyond that, a huge glass wall. There are treadmills and workout equipment on the top floor, and I get a glimpse of the pool on the first level. Rose drags me up the stairs and I’m in an identical hall as the one below us. More lockers, more classrooms. Rose points out which ones are which, but I know that I’ll forget.

We came to the area where Principal Organa’s office had been on the other side, but here it's a student lounge overlooking the courtyard. There’s a little kitchen area with a vending machine and a microwave and plenty of chairs, couches, and tables for studying. Rose is explaining something about the vending machines when an announcement comes over the speakers. “Will all students and staff please report to the auditorium for the Welcome Back Assembly? All students and staff please report to the auditorium for the assembly. Thank you.”

Rose’s eyes light up as if she lives for assemblies. Maybe she’s just excited to see Finn again. She grabs my arm and power walks me through the hall and down the stairs. We enter the auditorium through double doors and the room is buzzing with noise and excitement. Poe and Finn wave at us from the front of the room.

We join them as the lights dim and Principal Organa comes up on stage. The buzz in the room dies out and she waits for silence. “Hello, New Republic High!”

A riotous cheer echoes through the auditorium and Poe and Finn are whooping beside me. Organa raises her hands and the room quiets once more. “I hope you all had a great summer and are excited to get back to work. I only have a few announcements and then I’ll send you on your way. First, there will be absolutely NO pranks played on the cheerleaders this year, Mr. Dameron.” Her eyes are shooting lasers at Poe.

He gives her a cheerful thumbs up and leans over to me. “I’m planning on the swim team, instead.”

I giggle. Organa’s already moved on to more usual school things. Laptop roll out, schedule questions, where to look for club sign-ups. I should pay attention, but I’m still trying to process everything around me. It’s all so new and crazy. I close my eyes and try to calm my breathing, just have to get through the first day. The first week.

The assembly ends and Rose takes my hand, leading me out the side. First on the agenda, English Comp. We make our way back to my locker and she leaves me for a second to grab her own bag. The hall is filled with students rushing to classes and I cling to my bag, anxiety filling my chest. Rose touches my arm. “I’m not sure what I would do without you. It’s a lot to take in.”

Rose beams. “I got you. It’s exciting having a new friend. My sister went off to college this year, so I’ve been a bit lonely. And it all calms down after the first week. Everyone is crazy trying to figure out their schedules and where they need to be.”

We have English together, then Latin, then Math, then Physics. My stomach is rumbling by the time lunch rolls around and I find myself standing in line with Rose, staring out over the huge bustling lunchroom. “How long do we have to eat?”

“What?” Rose gives me a strange look. “Oh, it’s not timed, really. You just have to make it to your next class on time. Which is… Drawing at two. Nice. So, like, an hour.”

Lunch looks better than anything I had ever been served back on Jakku. For one, it resembles actual food. For another, I get to choose what I want to eat. Maybe I could get used to this. My stomach turns. Maybe I shouldn’t get used to this. I knew how quickly things could get taken away.

When we sit down, Poe and Finn are in the middle of arguing about football, I think. It’s all just sports talk to me. Rose leans over to me, “Don’t worry, I have no idea what they’re saying either. Are you liking your classes so far?”

“Yeah, but I think I’ll need a cart to carry all these books around.” I grin and poke at my peas.

Rose snorts. “Me too. It’s torture. Hey, we should definitely start a study group together. I saw that you have a free block with me Tuesdays and Thursdays.”

“That would be great.” A friend! I smile and dig into my chicken.

“Do you think you’re going to join any clubs or anything? There’s A Capella, chess, film…”

I shrug. “I’ve never really been a group person.” Rose gives me the saddest look. “But, I can see. What are you in?”

A giant smile breaks across Rose’s face.

“Oh, now you’ve released the beast.” Finn chuckles, making eyes across the table at his girlfriend.

“So, there’s this group I’ve been wanting to get started.” Rose’s eyes are bright and excited and I can’t help but laugh. “It’s called FEM-STEM for women in science. And we’d be part robotics team, part STEM buds, and it would really just be you and me for right now, but that’s enough to start and I, like, need a Vice President.”

“I would love, too!” There’s a flash of anxiety in my gut as I drop out of the dream for a second. “But I don’t know how long I’m staying here. It’s all so new, you know. But, I’ll definitely think about it. I just want to make sure Maz is like a sure thing. I haven’t had the greatest time with foster parents.”

I finish softly and there’s a soft oh from Rose’s lips. I look up and my eyes connect with his. Dark, brooding, intense. I gasp and look away. I look back up and he’s turned away, head in a book, scribbling, black hair falling over his eyes. I know those eyes… I know them from… Somewhere. I tune back in.

“It’s totally okay. I totally understand. I didn’t mean to bring up-”

“I’ll do it.” I force a smile. Rose squeals and pulls me into a huge hug. What is it with these people and hugs? “I have to talk to Maz first.”

“Oh, Rey. Thank you.” Rose is bouncing in her seat with excitement.

I glance back at him and he looks up at me. Something imperceptible passes across his eyes and he gathers his things to leave. The table he’s at is empty. “Who’s that?”

Poe, Finn, and Rose’s eyes track mine as I watch him leave the giant lunch hall. Poe’s face immediately darkens into anger while Rose and Finn share a knowing look and glance at Poe. Poe takes a deep breath and lets it out. “It’s fine. She’ll find out sooner or later and it may as well be from us.”

Poe’s eyes meet mine and I’m filled with a burning curiosity. He’s immediately on edge, tensed.

“I can’t believe she let him come back.” Rose mutters.

“Well, he is her son.” Finn replies softly. I glance between the three of them confused.

“What happened?”

Rose sighs. Her voice is almost a whisper like she’s telling me a secret. “That’s Ben Solo.”

“Solo?” It sounds familiar but I can’t quite find it amongst the ocean of information that’s been driven into my head today.

“Yeah, Principal Organa and Mr. Solo’s son.” Finn fills in. Suddenly, Poe slams his fist down on the table and the whole cafeteria goes quiet. He stands and walks out. My eyes go wide. Finn grabs both their trays. “I’ll go calm him down.”

The chatter starts up again as Finn leaves. My heart is racing. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up something bad. I-“

“No, Rey, it's okay. You didn’t know. You couldn’t have.” Rose’s voice is steady. Calming. “I just wouldn’t bring Ben Solo up in front of Poe again.”

“Yeah, of course.” I poke at the remaining peas on my plate, no longer hungry.

“Poe and Ben… well I think they used to be really good friends as kids. I’m not sure. I moved here in middle school. But as they grew up, well, Poe is really easy to like. And Ben, I guess, not so much. I’m a little fuzzy on the details. But I guess Ben started having a lot of mental health problems and anger issues and I think he got started down the wrong path. No one is really sure, but a lot of people say he might sell drugs or something. And Poe thinks that Ben sold Poe’s twin sister the drugs that Lily overdosed on. And it all kind of culminated at the end of last year when Ben showed up to the funeral. Poe came to school and it was so scary. I’ve never seen him so angry. And he and Ben got into a fight in the courtyard that sent both of them to the hospital. The police got involved. It was horrible. And I guess Ben got shipped off to some reform summer camp. And it’s why Poe can’t play any varsity or junior lacrosse this year.”

“Gods. That’s horrible.” Anxiety knits my stomach. Maybe I should find Poe and apologize.

“Yeah...” Rose wipes away a tear and looks at the time on her phone. “Oh! I should probably get you to your next class. I have vocal so it’s in the same wing at least.”

We discard out trays and walk out of the cafeteria and up a flight of stairs to the Art Hall as Rose called it. There were three art studios on one side of the hall and the orchestra/band room on the other side. Two double doors at the end of the hall were for the balcony seats of the auditorium. I waved goodbye to Rose and she ran off to the auditorium for vocal and for the first time today I’m alone. The classroom looks empty since I’m about ten minutes early so I go in and nearly jump out of my skin.

Ben Solo is sitting in the corner of the classroom at one of the high drawing desks eating an apple. He looks up in surprise as I enter and takes a bite. I can’t get rid of the feeling that I know him from somewhere. But where?

“Sorry… I thought it was empty.” No reply. “Is it okay if I sit in here too?”

His intense eyes regard me carefully. “It’s a free country.”

His voice is deep, gravelly, sensual almost. I… was not expecting that. I pick one of the desks almost directly across from him. He goes back to his work as I take out my schedule and club list, as well as a thick welcome packet Rose had given to me. It’s the first time today I’m able to sit and breathe and think. I let out a deep sigh. First days are the worst.

I feel a tingle on my skin like someone’s watching me and I look up only to see him look back down at his sketchbook. A strand of long black hair falls in front of his face and I catch myself wondering what it would feel like to brush it back.

What the hell, Niima? I look back down at my papers electing to ignore him. He probably just had one of those faces. Besides, if anything Rose said was true, I shouldn’t trust this guy at all. It’s not trust, it's curiosity. Okay, well, then I shouldn’t be curious either. He’s bad enough to make funny, happy-go-lucky Poe Dameron go nuclear.

I glance back up at him and our eyes lock. I don’t know if we’re looking at each other for minutes or hours or just seconds. He moves like he wants to ask me something and the classroom door swings open breaking our trance.

A tall woman struggles through the door carrying a giant armful of drawing pads and utensils. I rush to help her, taking some of her things.

“Oh, thank you, dear. You’re so kind. Yes, just put one on each desk for me.”

I’ve taken a box of boxes of drawing pencils from her. I set to work placing boxes of pencils on my desk, deliberately starting as far away from him as possible. I work my way around the U of desks and come to him. He stiffens as I draw near and dammit he smells good too. I hastily shove a pencil box at him and he takes it. His fingers brush against mine and I gasp, hurrying away from him. My heart is pounding in my chest and I can feel him watching me. I’m so ready for this day to end.

I set the empty box down on the desk and the art teacher is desperately trying to get the overhead projector to turn on.

“Do you mind?” She hands me the remote and I turn on the projector with one click. She laughs and takes it back. “I swear, technology hates me. I don’t recognize you so you must be…. Rey Nemo.”

“Niima.” I smile.

She clicks her tongue. “Yes, that’s what Rose said. Pretty name. I’m Mrs. Tico, the drawing teacher.”

“Rose’s mom?”

She smiles brightly. I can tell where Rose gets her sunshine personality from. “The one and only. I hope my daughter hasn’t scared you off yet.”

There’s a light scoff behind me and I look back to see Ben concentrating very hard on his notebook. Did he know me? Did he recognize me from somewhere, too?

I turn back to Mrs. Tico. “Not at all. She’s been really nice and welcoming. I think it’s the best welcome party I’ve ever had.”

The door swings open and students start to roll in. Mrs. Tico smiles. “Well, we’re more than happy to have you here and I’m delighted to have you as a student, Rey. Maybe you can convince my daughter to take one class with her momma. I sure can’t.”

I laugh and head back to my seat. I don’t catch him looking at me the rest of the block, but for some reason I know he is.

The bell rings, signifying the end of the block and I gather myself. Rose is waiting for me outside the door, a petrified look on her face.

“What?”

“You have class with him? After I told you all that stuff? Oh jeez, I’m so sorry.” Rose's eyes are wide.

I shrug. “Don’t worry about it.”

Should I mention the staring? The eye contact? The fact that I find him kinda hot? The weird feeling in my chest when he looks at me? Probably not. Probably should just chalk this up to weird teenage hormones.

“So the shop is a bit different. It’s across the parking lot because it has to be a separate building because of building codes or something.” Rose says as we walk through the hall, down the stairs, and through the double glass doors into the back parking lot. We head towards a building made of white tin and Rose drops me off at the door.

“I like your mom, by the way. She seems nice.”

“Yeah, she’s pretty cool. She keeps wanting me to take art classes but I can’t draw to save my life.” Rose shrugs. “Do you have any plans after school? I usually go to the coffee shop and work on homework or hang out until Finn gets done with practice.”

“That sounds fun. I think Maz wanted to take me shopping for some things tonight though. Maybe some other time?”

“Oh sure! How about tomorrow?” Rose raises her eyebrows. “I mean you can totally say no, but I think it would be fun to hang out outside of school.”

It was hard to not want to be Rose’s friend. She made it so easy. Don’t get attached. She’s just being nice. I pushed the thought out of my head. “Yeah! Tomorrow sounds great.”

Rose beamed. “Sweet! I’ll see you tomorrow then! Bye, Rey!”

I watched her race across the parking lot back to school. I opened the door to the huge white shop and was greeted with a small classroom. A couple tables with benches faced a white board. And in front of the white board, staring at me again was Ben. Why me. Why today.

It looks like I’ve just interrupted a strained conversation between him and the man at the desk. Ben immediately takes a seat near the outside wall of the room. The man at the desk stands and saunters over to me. He’s wearing a white shirt and jeans with grease spots. He’s got greying hair and a twinkle in his eye. “Rey Niima?”

I nod.

“Han Solo, how you doing, kid?” He sticks his hand out and I shake it. I’m trying to put three and three together. The grungy man before me and the polished lady I met earlier and their mysterious son in the corner.

“I’m okay, thank you.”

“Nice to have a girl in here. Maybe it will teach some of these boys a lesson.”

Not sure what that means, but I catch Ben glaring grumpily at the desk in front of him.

“Have you worked with engines before, kid?”

I nod. “A little bit. Kinda. I… Stayed with someone who owned a junkyard and he let me take stuff apart. Mostly I think he just wanted me to learn how to strip cars for parts cause my hands were small.”

Is that too much information? My stomach twists but Mr. Solo seems delighted and Ben is staring at me again. He quickly looks away.

“Oh, yeah, Maz had told me she was fostering a new kid. Look at you. You’ll do fine here. Just pick a seat. We’ll start once the others show up.”

I sit down two rows behind Ben. Try to stare at me now. I smirk. But now you get to be the one who stares. I roll my eyes at my subconscious. It’s curiosity. And hormones. Pure and simple.

By the time I get home that night, I’m completely exhausted from the day and from answering a million questions. The moment I lay down, I’m passed out and dreaming of dark eyes and endless darkness. Flashes of him pass through, fleeting. When I wake in the morning, I can’t remember much of it.

#reylo #ben solo #rey #star wars #reylo fanfic #ben solo deserved better

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matrixaffiliate · 5 years ago

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Patient

Chapter Update! FFN and AO3

Thank you to everyone who wanted to see this continue! I'm really touched by your enthusiasm for this little fic. A Hinny wedding will be the end of this baby, and then I think I'll give myself a break from these long Hinny stories and do some short one-shots for a while. ;)

Next chapter goes up July 27th.

Chapter 6

Harry wondered if this is what it felt like to be losing your mind.

In a moment of inspiration, or perhaps weakness, or maybe downright insanity, Harry "borrowed" a ring Gin sometimes wore on her ring finger. Then he took an heirloom ring from Grandma Mia that Ginny had swooned over when he'd pulled it out of one of the boxes, and had it sized to the same as Ginny's ring. Ginny's ring was back in her flat within the day.

But Harry's head and heart had declared war the moment he set Gin's ring back on her dresser.

His head told him he was being ridiculous. He was still working through his grief and wasn't in any place mentally to be a proper husband. Besides, he and Ginny hadn't talked about marriage at all in their time dating, which was less than a year, his head would always remind him. And the only time he'd gained any insight into her thoughts on the matter was finding out at dinner with Nev and Hannah that Ginny hadn't thought about her own wedding. If she hadn't thought about it, then Harry's head told him that she probably wasn't thinking of marrying him either.

But Harry's heart fought back with gorilla warfare. He'd have dreams of Ginny and him together in his new (or more accurately old) home with children that looked like their own running around. His heart would whisper how being with her always lightened the grief and seemed to fill the hole that had been in his chest since the night his family died. When she said she loved him his heart would beat faster and he would feel adrenaline pumping through his system, spurring him to either kiss her or beg her to be his forever.

He was kissing Ginny a lot lately.

What was more, Harry's heart would whisper hope in his ears whenever he thought about her, and that was a lot. Even while his head tried to show him the logical arguments against proposing, his heart murmured quietly about how much he loved her, relied on her, how devoted he was to her, and how time and time again, Ginny had proved her devotion to him too.

And this war between his head and his heart was going to drive Harry mad.

Teddy's wedding probably could have been a great distraction, if Harry's girlfriend wasn't so amazingly proficient. She was mildly stressing over the wedding being perfect, but Harry had never seen such efficiency. He had always thought that the days leading up to a wedding were supposed to be busy, but if anything Teddy seemed to have more time on his hands. Enough so that he managed to move the majority of Harry's things to his new home on his own in a single day. And Vic didn't seem to be any busier.

Ginny had everything under control, and Harry was very much in awe of it all. She even had time to help him unpack and get settled into his new place just days before the wedding.

That was still an odd feeling, living in the home he grew up in but not living in the home he grew up in. Nev assured him with time it would get better, easier, and for now to allow what emotions came to come. Harry had expected to see the echoes of his past any time he looked around the house, as he had when his parents had first passed away. But the past didn't haunt him like it used to.

Not just at his home, but in everything. He felt lighter. He felt like he could breathe. He had hope.

And having Ginny in his home only stoked that fire of hope in his heart.

"I really love how the sunset looks over the trees in the back."

Ginny grinned at him from the blanket he'd laid on the ground. It had been something his parents had done. They'd lay a blanket out on the back lawn and lounge while he played.

"I've missed this," Harry nodded and pulled her closer to him.

"Me or the sunsets?" Gin chuckled and laced her fingers with his.

"I'm going to sound sappy no matter how I answer that question."

"Maybe I want sappy," Ginny looked up at him with a teasing pout and Harry felt his chest tighten before he leaned down and kissed her.

She needed to stop looking at him like that. He was already losing his will to wait to propose till... whenever it was right to propose. But if she kept looking at him that way he was going to beg her to marry him right then and there.

"Alright, sappy," Harry grinned when he pulled back, "how about, I always miss you when we're not together?"

Ginny laughed, "Not too shabby, Potter, but pretty amateur. Are or are you not nearly two years away from being forty? Surely you can do better."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Alright, you asked for it, but I will not be held responsible for any outcome of my sappiness." He took a moment to gather his thoughts before laying it on for all he was worth.

"I've missed the sunsets here; I've missed them because they're a part of my growing up and living in this home. But I've missed most that they were something I counted on. They were constant. And when I left, when I sold it off, that constant in my life became my grief. But now, now my constant is you. So yes, I miss you whenever we're apart because you are my constant, you are who I can count on the way I can count on the sun to set each evening over my back garden. And I want to be who you count on too. I want to be your sunset."

Ginny stared at him with blazing eyes for an intense moment before pulling him down to her, lips finding his, her heart beating against his chest as he moved over her. Harry couldn't help the smirk that pulled on his lips even as he kissed her. His heart whispered that this was exactly the sort of proof to counter all of his head's arguments that a proposal was unprecedented. He was hers. He belonged to her. He should make that blatantly obvious to the world. He loved this woman and would always choose her, no matter the struggles and problems that may come.

That conviction started to take control, and even while Harry's head insisted that he keep kissing her rather than propose to her, Harry's heart started making plans.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Teddy knocked on Harry's door right on time. Vic and Teddy had decided that they would spend their last night before their wedding with their families, rather than in their home.

"How was your stag do last night?" Harry asked as he took Teddy's tux and started up towards the guest room.

"It was great," Teddy grinned, "you should have come."

Harry laughed, "What's the point of being in my late thirties if I can't get out of a party by claiming that I'm too old?"

"You're not old," Teddy threw his duffle bag on the bed as he laughed. "You're more active than half the kids I go to uni with."

"Well, I figured it would be better for your old godfather to just enjoy the evening before your wedding with you rather than try and get a word in edgewise among your mates."

"Last night as bachelors," Teddy followed Harry down the stairs, and Harry was glad to have his face away from his godson because he hoped to join Teddy's ranks as a married man sooner rather than later.

"Are you hungry?" Harry quickly changed the subject.

"I could eat," Teddy shrugged. "What were you thinking?"

"I thought we'd go grab anything you'd like and then bring it back here. Maybe find a match to put on or a movie, whatever you're wanting to do tonight."

Teddy focused his gaze on the counter to his left and didn't look up at Harry, "Whatever I want to do tonight?"

A small part of Harry told him to think before answering, but Harry didn't heed it and nodded at his godson, "Yeah, I figure this is your night."

Teddy looked up and grinned, "Grab your keys."

Harry was lulled into a false sense of security when Teddy took him to a restaurant that had always been a favorite of theirs. But when Harry moved to walk to his car when they finished, Teddy grabbed his arm.

"Whatever I want tonight?"

"Yeah," Harry pulled his keys out of his pocket and went to say more when Teddy cut him off.

"Then come on," he pulled Harry's arm again.

"Wait, where are we going?"

"I want to show you what my stag do was because I think you'll like it." Teddy pulled him further across the parking lot.

Harry looked around, trying to determine what of the surrounding buildings could be Teddy's destination, then Teddy pointed them towards one building in particular.

"You're showing me the laser tag place you went to?"

"No," Teddy's grin reminded Harry of when he used to manage to sneak cookies out of the cupboard. "I'm taking you laser tagging."

"I don't know Teddy," Harry hedged.

"You're not afraid, are you?" Teddy tried to goad him.

"No, I'm not afraid of infrared beams being directed at me."

"You said whatever I want," Teddy pulled the guilt card quickly, which told Harry how important this was to him. He was going right for the heart, and Harry felt his resolve crumbling.

"You really want to go laser tagging, when you already went this week?"

Teddy shook his head, "No, I want to go laser tagging with my godfather."

And that did it. Harry would have been hard-pressed to deny his godson anything in that moment.

"Well, then I guess we'll see who's the better shot."

"Oh, you're on," Teddy grinned.

Harry frequently joked about his age, but walking into the laser tag arena, he quickly felt like he was closer to eighty rather than forty. He was most probably the oldest person there that day. But once the round started, Harry found that his age seemed to give him a slight advantage. He may have been the oldest one there, but he was also the most patient. He didn't try to run around and recreate a video game, but his hiding spot managed to get him more hits than anyone else that round. Teddy seemed to pick up on the idea, and they teamed up on the next round, becoming their own little dynamic duo, and Harry loved it. They played four rounds before Harry reluctantly told Teddy they should probably head home.

"See, it's fun!" Teddy laughed as they climbed in the car.

"I'll admit, I was not expecting it to be fun, let alone that much fun."

Teddy grinned, "We make quite a team, yeah?"

Harry paused and looked at Teddy, swallowing the lump that was quickly forming in his throat. "We really do."

When they finally pulled up to his house, Harry pulled on Teddy's arm. "I have something I want to show you."

Teddy followed Harry through the house and into the back garden but laughed when Harry started climbing up the treehouse ladder. "Are we going to fit in there?"

Harry kept on going, "Of course we are, the Marauders used to use this place while I was at school."

Harry hoisted himself into the treehouse and turned to offer Teddy a hand in.

"I've never been in here," Teddy mused as he looked around.

Harry let out a slow breath, "Actually you have, just once, but you have."

Teddy looked over at him, eyebrows raised, "When?"

Harry moved to the trunk of the tree and knelt next to the spot where he carved Teddy's name. "The night I watched you, I brought you up here and carved your name in the tree."

Teddy joined Harry on the floor and ran his hand over his own name.

"I promised you then that you could come up here whenever you wanted," Harry sighed. "It didn't work out that way, but I'd like to make that promise again. You and Vic are always welcome here, and I hope you'll make time to keep my old arse in your life."

Teddy continued to look at the carving and Harry worried his silence was a bad omen when finally Teddy let out a long slow breath. He looked up at Harry with unshed tears standing in his eyes.

"You're not ever getting rid of me Harry," Teddy gave a wet chuckle, "I'll be around, probably more than you want me to be."

Harry swallowed the tears that threatened to come rushing out and pulled his godson into a hug.

A major consequence of Harry's grief was that he refused to let himself consider Teddy his own. Teddy wasn't really his, he just had the misfortune of ending up with the man responsible for the death of his parents. But now, so far into this process of healing, Harry realized that he did consider Teddy his own. Edward Remus Lupin may not have been his son, but Harry cared for this wonderful young man as if he were. He dedicated his life to taking care of this fellow orphan, and as far as Harry was concerned now, Teddy was as much his son as any future children he may have. And owning that feeling only strengthened it.

"I am so proud of you," Harry said quietly.

"Thank you," Teddy choked, "thank you for being there for me, thank you for being my family."

Harry knew the tears would fall if he even attempted to speak, but his godson deserved to know, regardless of if it made Harry look like a leaky pipe, "Thank you for being my family, I love you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day dawned with text messages and continued with text messages. Harry wondered if Ginny had them all typed out months in advance with preset times for them to send because she seldom responded. But each text told Harry what to do with the groom and groomsmen, where to have them, when to have them there by, and what they all needed to have with them.

Harry's home was base camp for the groomsmen. They all arrived in time for a lunch of take-away pizza and then set up gaming consoles with all of Teddy's favorite games. Harry had to laugh at how fast time seemed to pass as everyone played and shouted and laughed racing around courses and shooting digital bad guys. He was almost surprised when Ginny's text to get dressed and head to the venue arrived. Harry somewhat gratefully shut himself in his bedroom and breathed in the moment of silence. Then he caught sight of a box on his nightstand and began to brood over the war that was still battling within him.

"What should I do with you, my friend?" Harry pulled the ring box into his hand and opened it to gaze down at the old ring. He didn't have many memories of Grandma Mia. She had passed on when he was eight. He didn't actually remember the ring. But he remembered her hugs and the peppermint candy she always kept for him and the sense of excitement anytime she came to visit. Mia had been one of those women who ran full speed right until her time on earth was over. She never slowed down, a lot like Harry imagined Ginny would never slow down either.

The ring caught the late afternoon sun from his window and cast a few small rainbows around the room. Harry didn't really think much about signs but his heart fluttered with excitement all the same...like maybe the ring was answering his question, maybe it was responding, telling him to get a move on.

Harry had thought about it a lot, about proposing at Teddy and Vic's wedding. It felt right, seeing as their wedding was the only reason Harry had met Ginny at all. Harry's head started to object, to throw as much fear of rejection at him as it could, but for the first time, Harry felt calm about it. Harry loved Ginny, he knew he loved her, and he knew that marriage was something he wanted with her. If she didn't want that with him, it would be best to find out now, when they wouldn't be required to see each other for wedding things, when it would be easier to let each other fade into memories. Harry felt his resolve cementing as he slid the ring back into its box and the box into his pocket.

His heart had won the war.

Most of Harry's nerves slipped away as the hustle of getting the groom and his groomsmen to the venue took over. Once they were all there, Harry barely got a kiss out of Ginny as she directed and called out orders.

"You're in charge of making sure I have access to Ted whenever I need him." Ginny pulled away almost as soon as her lips touched his.

"Aye, aye, Captain," He managed to pull a smile from her as he saluted sharply.

"Florist is in the ceremony hall, herd those boys that direction," she pecked him on the lips and was off again.

Harry sighed, he wasn't sure that he would get the chance to propose tonight at all if she was going to be this busy the entire evening. But she'd asked for his help and he was keen to deliver, and with a firm voice and an old man joke, he managed to get Teddy and his mates all into the ceremony hall and flowers distributed among them. Just as he finished that, the photographer walked in with direction from Ginny to start on the pictures of the groomsmen and the groom's family. Harry hadn't had his picture taken since before his family had perished aside from quick shots Teddy would snap with his phone from time to time, and the process felt very strange to him. On more than one occasion the photographer actually grabbed his face to point it the way they wanted. But just as Harry was ready to say something, his phone buzzed with Ginny's text to tell him it was time to grab Ted and the photographer and come to the gazebo in the gardens.

"What are we doing?" Teddy asked as they left his groomsmen behind.

Harry shrugged, "Following Gin's orders."

The photographer positioned Teddy to stand in a specific place and then politely but firmly asked Harry to stand very far back. Harry remembered to breathe deeply and not ruin his godson's wedding before it had even started. He was focusing on some of the breathing that Nev had taught him when he noticed something out of the corner of his eye. The photographer had placed Ted's back to the entrance to the gazebo and was taking pictures, and Harry finally saw the purpose behind that.

Vic was walking towards him.

She was radiant and stunning in a way that reminded Harry of Remus and Tonks' wedding. And Harry breathed a sigh of relief as the memory didn't overwhelm him. It felt more like an old friend than a knife wound now. Then the photographer told Teddy to stay just as he was before moving to get the shot that Harry could see had been the point of this whole situation. Harry smiled as the photographer asked Teddy to turn around.

Teddy's eyes fell on Vic who was now only ten feet away from him, her wedding dress draped behind her and her hair was piled on top of her head with a tiara that Harry had been told her mother wore at her wedding. Teddy's smile lit up his face as he stepped down all three gazebo steps at once and crossed the ten feet to his bride in two nearly leaping strides. Harry smiled as he watched the young couple kiss, and chuckled when Vic pulled away too quickly for Teddy's liking.

"We have to take pictures," she laughed when Teddy moved to kiss her again. "You can mess up my makeup after you say 'I do' not before."

Teddy groaned and ran his hands around her waist. "Alright, pictures, ceremony, and then I want to kiss you till all of this makeup comes off."

Vic blushed beautifully and the photographer snapped a picture.

"He didn't ruin your makeup," they said, "so let's have you two come up into the gazebo."

Harry smiled as he watched the photographer position the couple and allowed his thoughts to wander to what Ginny may want if she were to marry him. It was a rather entertaining game, thinking up what a wedding coordinator would want at their own wedding. Harry realized quickly that he wasn't very good at the game. Aside from feeling pretty sure she would want it to be small, he wasn't sure about anything else. He knew about the details of most of the weddings she'd coordinated, from completely posh for some minor aristocrats to helping an American girl recreate what she called a "backyard barbeque," Ginny had coordinated just about everything Harry could think of, but none of it felt like her. Maybe she wouldn't want a traditional wedding? Maybe she would want a small destination wedding? Maybe she'd want to get married on a beach at sunset? Or on a mountain top at sunrise? Maybe she would just want to sign the paperwork and have a dinner?

"Deep thoughts, Mr. Potter?"

Harry smiled as Ginny wrapped her arms around his middle, blazing brown eyes staring up at him.

"Just thinking about you," he pulled her closer and kissed her lips, sighing when she deepened the kiss instead of pulling away immediately as she had when he first arrived.

"Did you like Vic's surprise?" Ginny murmured as Harry continued to kiss her.

Harry hummed, intent on not breaking the private bubble he had been imagining was around them, keeping the rest of the world out.

"Harry," Ginny laughed and pulled away.

Harry sighed, "It was pretty special, but isn't there a thing about not seeing the bride until the ceremony?"

"When have you ever known Vic to let tradition get in the way of what she wants?" Ginny chuckled. "Yeah there's a thing, and Vic decided that it was rubbish to her and planned everything out with the photographer."

"It was brilliant," Harry pulled Gin closer, resting his hands on the small of her back, "I think Teddy was ready to take her away right then."

Ginny grinned, "Then it went exactly as Vic hoped it would. Now, if you'll excuse me, we're going to do the bride's family pictures now."

She reached up and kissed him before pushing away and walking towards the spot Vic and Ted were. It wasn't until she was a few feet away that Harry realized how good his imaginary bubble had been. He felt like he was suddenly surrounded by a sea of Weasleys.

And he loved it.

Kids were running every direction, all the adults stopped a moment to talk to him before trying to herd the group into the enormous family picture. After a few moments, the photographer motioned Harry over.

Harry felt a pain of sadness that he was the only one there to stand for Teddy. But he felt a bit of strength from the number of people who surrounded and loved his godson in that moment. Yes, he was all Teddy had left from his parents and the Marauders, but Teddy was not lacking in family now.

He was enveloped by it.

The whirl of family pictures was quickly over and Ginny was barking orders for everyone to get to their seats while Fleur ushered Vic back inside the venue to touch up her makeup and hair. And for the first time that entire day, Teddy looked a touch unsure.

"Nervous?" Harry put a comforting hand on Teddy's shoulder and led him away from the Weasley clan.

Teddy chuckled, "A bit. I'm suddenly realizing that I'm marrying my childhood sweetheart and that she might just wake up one morning and realize how much she's settling."

"You know," Harry smiled as he led them into the venue, "you're dad said basically the same thing on his wedding day."

Teddy looked over at him eagerly, "Yeah?"

Harry chuckled, "Yeah, and Dad and Sirius told him he was right, but that they had managed to keep their wives and he was a right side better than the two of them so he should have it in the bag."

"Oh man," Teddy laughed, "I can't imagine that helped him at all!"

"It made him laugh," Harry smiled as he remembered the way all four of them had laughed as they dressed in their suits. "But I think Dad and Sirius had a point, Mum and Marlene and your mum were all pretty amazing women, but they loved their husbands, and as long as you continue loving Vic as you change and grow together, I think you'll find it easier than you think to keep her around, you may even find that she wants to stay." Harry nudged Teddy with his elbow.

Teddy stopped them before they walked into the ceremony hall and pulled Harry into a hug. Harry found himself being pulled right back into those moments so very long ago when the small six-year-old boy would wrap his arms around Harry's legs or clasp him around the neck and hold on for dear life. Harry felt like he was holding on for dear life in that moment. Little Teddy was no longer little, the baby that had been thrust into his care was now a man, marrying the love of his life, and moving on to that next stage of life.

"Would Ginny kill me if you stood up with me?" Teddy asked as he let his arms fall from Harry's back.

"I thought Xander was your best man?" Harry shamelessly swiped at the unshed tears in his eyes.

Teddy nodded, "He is, but it's not like we have a whole lot of people on our side to sit with you, Ginny deliberately isn't doing a groom's side and bride's side because of it, so…"

"Yes," Harry clasped his godson on the shoulder, "I'll pay for whatever trouble it causes. I'll stand up with you."

Harry was certain that if they'd been outside Teddy's grin could have been seen from space.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It turned out that Harry standing up with Teddy only made Ginny cry, and didn't result in any homicidal feelings on her end. Harry somehow managed not to cry through the whole ceremony, just the end, when Teddy officially moved on to that next step in his life that truly left Harry behind. But while part of him mourned the way time had slid through his fingers, a larger part felt excited and proud and happy that Teddy's life was able to move forward without the chaos and hardship that had been Harry's norm at that age.

Ginny directed everyone into the smaller reception area for dinner, where Harry had hoped to sit with her, but there were several things to coordinate and Harry ended up with Teddy on his left and an empty place on his right.

That apparently was the theme for the evening.

At every point Harry had hoped to have Ginny with him, he found himself on his own. When the reception finally started with the Father-Daughter dance Harry stood with Teddy as they watched Bill and Vic spin elegantly around the room.

"Did you know your mum was a rather poor dancer?" Harry whispered.

Teddy raised his eyebrows at Harry, "What?"

"She stepped all over your dad's feet on their first dance and tripped over her own a couple of times. Your dad just smiled like it was the best thing in the world and held her up."

Teddy covered his mouth with his hand as he laughed. "Thanks, I needed that."

Harry grinned, "Just hope Vic holds you up."

Teddy stepped on his foot.

Once Teddy was safely in the arms of his new wife, Harry faded back towards the exit.

He was running out of time and he was running out of patience faster.

After scouring the venue he stepped outside and finally found Ginny sitting on one of the benches watching the sun as it finally sank below the horizon.

"Wonder Woman in the flesh," he slid onto the bench with her.

"It's beautiful," Ginny sighed, "I had to stop, just for a moment."

"It's constant, dependable, even if we can't see it or feel it, it's there." Harry pulled Ginny into him and smiled when she sighed and rested her head against his shoulder.

"I love that."

"I love you," Harry took a long slow breath. It was now or never.

"Do you remember when I told you about the sunsets in my back garden, and how you're my new constant?"

Ginny hummed and nodded her head against him.

"I was serious when I said I want to be your sunset."

Ginny became very still for a moment before slowly moving her head to look up at him. Harry pulled the box from his pocket and slid down to kneel in front of her, the last rays of sunshine disappearing behind his back.

"I know I'm not whole, and I know that I'm sort of a lot to take on, but I promise to spend the rest of my life loving you and falling in love with you each day as we grow and change and learn to be whole together." Harry's hand trembled ever so slightly as he opened the box. "Ginevra Molly Weasley, will you do me the honour of letting me be yours forever?"

Ginny fell into his arms as she laughed and kissed him again and again and again.

"I'm considering this a yes," Harry murmured against her lips.

"Of course it's a yes!" Ginny laughed, and Harry had never been so happy and relieved to hear Ginny laughing in all his life.

#Patient #hinny #hinny fanfic #harry potter fanfiction #harry x ginny #harry potter x ginny weasley #harry potter #ginny weasley #tedoire #teddy x victoire #wedding coordinator au #wedding planner au #tedoire wedding #hinny engagement #this chapter is fluffy family feels and fluffy tedoire and fluffy hinny #i promise things get lighter from this point forward

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mojesticworlds · 5 years ago

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Wedding Bell Promises

Draco Malfoy X OC

Word count: ??? (I'm on mobile 🤷)

I do not know the owner of the gif as I'm on mobile, sorry. If you know the owner please let me know.

Reader's Insight: Ginny and Maeve Weasley are twins, who at the age of six promised to be the maid of honour at each other's weddings, come hell or high water.

During the Battle against the Dark Lord Voldermort, Maeve pushed Ginny out of the way of a killing curse, however she wasn't so lucky herself.

It was quiet.

It was stale.

It was dim.

It was... Saint Mungo's?

I stared into the darkness for a moment before I pushed my hands against the stiff gurney and forced myself to sit up. There was light peering through under the closed door, my eyes spotted my bedside table which held a green and gold leather bound book, my wand laying in a box with green silk and a dark red gown hung on the wall inbetween the table and the wall.

Confused and a tad bit nervous I reached out and picked up my wand and book, the lights flickering to life as I waved my wand and looked at the book marked page.

Dear Maeve,

It's almost been three years now since the battle which we both lost Fred and you.

George misses Fred so much, he says I don't understand what it's like to lose my twin as you're still technically here, but I can't help but feel like you're both gone and here at the same time. George apologised as soon as he said it of course, he's still struggling to live without as I am with you, but at least we have one another to grieve, even if it's for different reasons.

Harry bought you your maid of honour dress... I told him he didn't have to as the doctors said you showed no signs of waking up anytime soon - or at all. He's been amazing, he's helped mum and dad rebuild the Burrow, we've even bought the land next to it and built a little house for ourselves, he was insistent that we build a one bedroom cottage for you too. He believes you'll wake up, he's even gotten along with Draco Malfoy as they've been organising physical therapy for you!

I invited Draco to our wedding, in not sure if he'll come as he has kept to himself mainly. I know everyone is still unsure about the Malfoy's, but for you I am hoping he comes.

I miss you. I really do. I know everyone says it gets easier but it doesn't. Everyday I am reminded that you aren't here with me. I have failed you, I should've been the one that's in a coma.

I also... I'll just say it. I hate you, I hate what you did, I can't help it I'm so sorry. I hate that I hate you, but I can't stop it. You shouldn't have pushed me out of the way. I should've paid more attention! I failed you! I was meant to look after you!

I'm sorry Maeve.

I'm so fucking sorry.

The diary felt like it was laced with Basilisk venom. I dropped it onto the bed, which then bounced and hit the floor with a loud 'thud'. Looking around the room I see touches of my family to it, a blanket and pillow on the chairs that mum had knitter, little gadgets and pictures from their life events, pictures of babies even! Pushing the blanket off of me I threw my legs over the side of the bed and dropped down.

My hands had to hold me up as my legs felt weak and jelly-like. I noticed a slightly open door next to the dress, which appeared to be a bathroom. Pushing against the furniture and walls I managed to enter the bathroom, only to come face to face with a mirror.

I stared back at myself. I knew it was me - Even though it looked like Great Grandma Rowanina, I had grown older and filled out more, the only thing that stayed the same was my height. Which is slightly annoying as that meant I was still the shortest Weasley.

My hands tugged on the paper thing hospital gown and I span the knobs on the wall to quickly shower in attempt to wash the sterile smell off of myself and to attempt to process what Ginny's diary entry had said.

Three years? I can't remember anything other than heading off into battle against Voldermort. I slower climb into the wide tub and let the shower water pour over me. I closed my eyes, my mind was blank as I scrambled for anything else, but I couldn't. I couldn't think of anything.

Ginny, she hates for me for something I can't even remember, Fred... Fred had...died... A sob clawed its way through me as I began crying. I'd never be able to say goodbye, or go to his funeral, I don't know who else is dead or who is alive. Who else is married? Who has children? How old am I? 19 years? Older? How long ago had Ginny written in the diary?

"Freddie..." I cried.

The water soon got cold. Heaving myself over the tub I stumbled to the only other clothing that looked like it'd fit me, the maid of honour dress. I pulled the soft fabric over my head and found plastic sealed slippers in the cupboard.

I walked out of the corridor and to the main lobby of the hospital before I waved my wand and appeared on the road that leads to the Burrow. Shuffling I slowly made my way home.

There was music in the distance, and many voices, slowly the rebuilt Burrow was in front of me and I stared into the lit up house. It was different, more structuraly sound, I suppose. The voices weren't coming from the house though, the more steps I took the more easier I found walking.

There was a large tent in the distance I hurried my way to it, suspension and nervous fear bubbling in my chest as I reached it.

"Attention, attention you lot! I have something to say!" I heard my dad's voice call out and everything went silent. "I just want to thank you all for coming tonight, I want to thank you all for being family and supporting us through thick and thin. Without you lot we wouldn't be where we are today!"

I reached the opening and looked inside. Dad stood in a suit, holding a glass of bubbling liquid in front of him.

"Harry, my dear lad, I want to thank you for everything you have done for my family. Even if you weren't marrying my daughter, you'd still be apart of this family and will always be our son. Everything you've done and everything you will do, no matter what we will always be proud of you. You will always have a place in the Burrow."

I took a few steps into the tent, watching my father and everyone else watch him. Everyone looked so different, yet the same all at the same time.

"Ginny, I am so proud of the young woman you have become today and I know that you will be amazingly career driven seeing as you have been offered your dream job, just this morning!"

I stared at Ginny, her hair was pinned beautifully up, she wore a beautiful white gown that could've been worn by a princess. My eyes spotted a familiar necklace around her neck though, one old and clashed with her outfit. My hand touched my neck, instantly realised she was wearing my locket on her wedding day, my eyes began to get wet as my dad continued.

"You are a exceptional and beautiful young lady now, and I can't help but see the little girl who would talk my ear off about how cute Harry Potter is!"

"Dad!" Ginny cut in, face going red as she looked at Harry in embarassment.

"I am excited to see what you will do next, I will missing having you lot around and I know both Fred and Maeve are watching you now. They're so proud of you. We all are. And before I start crying and Molly decides to pull me off of the podium, Cheers to the Potter's!"

"To the Potter's!"

"To Fred and Maeve!" Harry yelled, raising his glass after everyone had a drink if there's.

"To Fred and Maeve!"

Everyone yelled once more before taking a sip of their drinks. Dad finally looked away from Ginny and Harry and looked out to everyone who were happily chatting to everyone. His eyes landed on my instantly and he dropped his champagne glass.

"Good grief Arthur! Have you already met your limit?" Someone laughed nearby. Mum stood and quickly attempted to sponge up the spillage and glasses.

"Arthur what's got into you? Arthur?" Mum said as everyone continued to celebrate. "Arthur?"

"Dad?" Ginny said, standing to reach out and touch his arm. "What is it?" She turned and saw me. "May?"

An hush quickly fell over the tent as everyone turned to look at me, standing at the opening of the tent in a brides maid dress and hospital slippers.

"May?" Mum cried out and threw herself over the table - Which was somewhat terrifying as I've never seen her move so quickly. "May!" She cried out before crushing me into a hug. "Oh my god! You're here! It's really you!" She wept as I held onto her for dear life.

"Mum, I'm sorry, I don't know what happened-"

"May!" I felt dad hug me as well, both of my parents holding onto each other as they cried and held onto me for dear life. "You're okay!"

Before I knew it, it appeared everyone was surrounding us and holding onto each other. A see of red hair speckled with a few other colours.

Ginny gently pushed her way to in front of me, grabbing my cheeks and looking into my eyes. "It's really you..."

"Yeah, sorry about that," I say cheekily before she wrapped her arms around my neck and sobbed into my hair.

"I'm sorry! I am so sorry!"

"Gin, it's not your fault-"

"You pushed me out of the way of the killing curse May! You took it for me! How dare you!" She pulled back and hit my head.

"I'm sorry! I don't remember!"

She looked at me with a watery smile. "You made me worry, May... I was so scared that I lost you."

"That's what you get for being the older twin," I say while sticking my tongue out at her. "Look at you though?! You're absolutely gorgeous!" I yelled as I pulled back, staring at her as we continued to hold hands. "Gin... Do you still hate me?"

"Never," she pulled me into another hug. "I wrote those things because I was upset because I thought I lost you. Harry kept saying you'll come back though, you were never the one to break your promises after all."

My head snapped to Harry who stood amongst the Weasley's. "If you break her bloody heart mate, I'll make you regret it."

"Wouldn't count on it," he says while giving me a wink. "Not after you made me bald."

"Oh no! Harry, Draco went home after the ceremony!" Ginny gasped as she re-pulled back into her hug.

"George and Percy have already gone to drag him back, don't you worry," mum said as she looks at me. "I just, I can't believe your back dear." She kissed my cheek.

"I'm glad to be back, mum. Ginny, sorry for ruining your wedding-" I say as I realised I disrupted the celebration.

She smacked my shoulder. "Don't be, we made a promise, remember?"

I nod. "... Did you cut the cake yet though?" She rolled her eyes and laced her fingers with mine before dragging me over to the large table and pushed me onto the empty seat beside her.

"Back to the celebrations everyone!"

The wedding's celebration dial went from a 100 to 1,000. Alcohol was pouring quickly and frequently, everyone was rowdy and dancing like their favourite Quidditch team just won the World cup after a bad streak.

I sat quietly watching it all, feeling oddly tired and out of place. Ginny and Harry held each other close as they slow danced, ignoring everyone dancing like crazy people around them to the high tempo song that was playing.

"She visited you every day, May," mum said quietly as she sat down next to me, watching Harry.

"I feel like I've missed so much, mum."

"Your - Draco, he bought a journal so every visit you'd write something that has happened, so when you wake up you could read it and not miss anything."

A cold chill when down my spine. "I assume we won?" I asked nervously.

"We did," she mused.

"Thank god," I nodded and watched George walk over to us.

"He wasn't at the manor, the house elves said he left quickly and no one knows where he went."

"He'll turn up soon, I'll leave you two to talk."

George slowly took mums empty seat and we sat in silence. "Georgie, I'm sorry..."

"It's fine, I'm just glad you're okay," George said as he places a arm around my shoulder. "Hey, don't cry."

"I can't believe he's gone," I say as I my eyes began to well up again.

"I forgot that you probably just learner this," George said quietly as he pushed my head onto his neck. "Don't worry, I'll always be here for you May, I'll even do the old swap-a-roo if you ever need to talk to Fred."

I held onto him tightly. "I'm sorry that i-"

"If you apologise for being in a coma I swear to god I will make you bald just like we made Harry bald," George warned.

My hand pressed against my eyes as I attempted to force the tears to go away. "You're home now, that's all that matters," George says as he buried his head into my hair. I will never tell anyone that I felt his tears as they made their way to my skin. "Oh cheer up, May! We're at a wedding for god sake! Come on, dance with me!"

"You may need to drag me," I say as he pulls me to my feet.

"Just stand on my shoes, shortie, just like old times."

I laughed at George danced awkwardly as I stood on his shoes. "Molly! Maeve is gone!" I heard a desperate voice yell.

George stopped and we looked over at mum who grabbed ahold of a red faced Malfoy. "The hospital is on lockdown, they don't know where May is! Her wand is missing!"

"I know Draco, loo-"

"We need to begin a search party - I'll head to the ministry, you can stay here, I'll handle everything. I'll get her back-"

"Draco!" Mum reached up and grabbed his chin to force it on my direction. His eyes fell onto me, and I felt like I was hit my a train.

He's different. He's grown up. He wore a lovely dark grey suit and he appeared to be slightly wider and more toned than the last time we met. He also looks like he's grown too, the bastard.

He let go of up and suddenly I was picked off of George and into the arms of Draco.

"Oh my god, May, I can't believe you're okay."

"Draco? I'm sorry," I held onto him.

"I've missed you so much! I've visited every single day! I wrote day everything that's happened, I know it's a lot to take in but I thought you should-"

Impatiently I pulled on his tie and sealed his lips with mine before I pull back and rest my nose on his. "I missed you," he said as his eyes watered. "I missed you so much. I'm sorry we argued before the battle, I'm sorry I'm such a idiot, I love you May. Please forgive me."

"Always Draco, as long as you forgive me for being in a coma," I say while giving him a cheeky smile.

"Always!"

"Draco?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, Miss Weasley."

#harry potter #weasley #ginny weasley #ginny weasley x harry potter #ginny x harry #draco malfoy #draco x oc #wedding #cry #george weasley #fred weasley #one big happ family

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nade2308 · 6 years ago

Text

Love lasts forever

Written for: stanclub2k followers milestone challenge.

Prompt: "Who hurt you?" with Stucky.

Pairings: Stucky (Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes).

Other pairings: Sam Wilson x Riley and past Bucky Barnes x Brock Rumlow

Characters: Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson, Riley (minor appearance and mentioned), Tony Stark (mentioned), Natasha Romanoff (minor appearance), Brock Rumlow, Jack Rollins (mentioned), Alexander Pierce (mentioned) Barnes and Rogers families (mentioned).

A/N: Thank you @stanclub for organizing this challenge. It was fun to get another story out in such a short time. I wrote a part for this story last month but lost the inspiration for a bit. Then another story took over my time and I thought I'd have time to finish it. I never thought it would get past 3k (before ideas started pouring in my brain and discussing it with my friends was proving to spur my muse). In the end I have this story that's 9.3k long (the last three days were spent writing fervently).

Thanks to @lisamott9 and @82tweeder for the help and encouragement on this story.

...

“Are you sure you don’t mind?”

“Nah, it’s okay. I need to meet more friends anyway. Tony’s advice.”

“Can’t believe I’m agreeing with Stark, but you really need to, my friend. Okay, Steve. See you at 8.”

“I’ll be there.”

Steve hung up and looked at the clock. It was almost 5 and he knew that if it wasn’t something really important, Sam wouldn’t insist on bringing his friend with him last minute.

The next 2 hours were spent in sketching and outlining a logo for his next project. Steve needed to figure out the colors and how to combine them. Scratching his head, he thought about asking Sam. He took a picture of the previous logo and one of his drawing, and put the sketch into his drawing folder, before he went to his room.

Steve never cared for his appearance, always opting for casual, but tonight he felt like he could dress up a little bit. He picked his favorite navy blue button down, and the new pair of navy blue jeans he bought last week. He also put on some of the expensive - overpriced - cologne that Tony gave him for his birthday, and Steve had to admit that the fruity smell was nice. It reminded him of his late mother’s lemon pie, God bless her soul.

He took his bomber leather jacket with him, put on shoes and locked the door of his apartment behind him.

…

Bucky was miserable.

Absolutely miserable.

On a scale of 1 to 10, he was a 15.

He was angry. And mad. For letting himself go back to Brock. For giving him more ammo to hurt Bucky. Every time he closed his eyes he saw Brock in the throes of pleasure, with another man in bed. Right now he was pacing like a caged animal and judging by Sam's glare, he was wearing thin Sam's patience and support. And Sam was getting frustrated because he repeated ‘Damn Barnes, you’ll wear a hole on the floor’ more than once. But he couldn't stay in one place. Probably why he agreed to go with Sam and his friend at the bar.

Sam really liked Bucky and hated to see him so bothered. As much as Sam tried to warn Bucky not to get back to his ex, love was blind and it wasn’t exactly Bucky’s fault for falling in love with the wrong person.

A heart doesn’t choose, Sam’s mom would say right before kissing his father in front of Sam to rile him up.

Sam smiled at the memory, but he was brought back to reality when he heard a noise in the kitchen. Sam stormed in the kitchen where there were shards of glass and spilt water on the floor. Bucky looked like he was on the verge of crying and Sam wanted to tear Brock piece by piece.

“Hey, it’s just a glass.”

Bucky didn’t say anything, just looked at the mess on the floor.

“Why don’t you go and get ready, Bucky? I’ll clean this up.”

“No, I’ll-"

“James, please.”

Sam rarely used Bucky’s real name, unless there was a point to be made. Looking at the red and swollen eyes of his friend, Sam knew Bucky got the message.

“I’ll go and shower.”

“You know what would be great? Run a bath.”

“Come on, Sam, I’m not in the mood to do that.”

“What you are at the moment, is in need to get yourself back to normal. You need to care about yourself for once Bucky. You need to see yourself before the others. Go and have a nice bath. Use your favorite shampoo. And just relax.”

Bucky stood for a moment, deep in thought, weighing his options. Then he nodded, wearily. Just having his favorite shampoo at Sam's and Riley's place said a few things about him. Like the fact that he spent lots of time there.

The buckets of Rocky Road in the fridge did too.

“Do you by any chance have that lavender essential oil?”

“Do I have-? Barnes, who do you think I am? Of course I do.” Sam always had the flair for the dramatic. But it pulled a smile out of Bucky so it was worth it. “You know Riley loves that shit after you hooked him on it.

“Not my fault the guy has taste, Sammy.”

“Call me Sammy one more time Grandma Barnes…” Sam waggled a finger.

“Catch me if you can, Sammy.”

“You little shit!” Sam called after Bucky but Bucky was out of earshot already. Laughing, Sam set the timer on the coffee machine to make coffee for himself and Bucky and went to clean the kitchen floor.

…

Bucky rummaged through cupboards until he spotted the bottle with the lavender oil. He ran the hot water to the temperature he liked. Then he applied a liberal amount of oil. Bucky eyed some candles and decided to light a few to help him relax more. When everything was set, he stripped in front of the mirror and looked at himself for the first time after the shit with Brock hit the fan.

He looked gaunt, his cheeks were hollowed out, sharper than ever, the smudges under his eyes a permanent fixture he never tried to hide. His eyes were bloody and red-rimmed. And his body… he looked horrible. He was never the one to have too much weight but where he had muscle and was lean, he was skinny now and the muscles were almost non-existent.

Bucky took a deep breath. Things needed to change

Letting his mind float while he had his bath, Bucky thought only of only one thing. Meeting Sam’s friend and getting hammered. Okay, maybe two things.

…

A mug of coffee waited for him when he got out of the bathroom.

“Sam, you are an angel.”

“For putting up with your sorry ass? I am a saint.” Sam jabbed from his place on the couch, watching reruns of a TV show Bucky never got to watch. Maybe he will now that he actually had the time.

Bucky parked himself in front of the tv himself, sensing Sam's eyes on him.

“You okay, Bucky?”

Bucky let the voices in the background tune out as he thought about Sam's question.

“I think that's a loaded question and you know it Sam.”

“I have time.”

Bucky sighed.

“You were right the first two times. Brock is a bad habit. I thought I could change that. Change him. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't ask anyone to change for me, but I think I wanted the old Brock to come back. And then I just deluded myself that he was not the person he is…”

Sam nodded in thought.

“I did some thinking. Well all I do these days is think,” Bucky laughed dryly, “but I came to realize that I should work on myself more. Not let the thing with Brock hold me back. Think I gave him enough of my time and life already. And I promised to myself, this time whatever happens, I come first.”

“Atta boy. That's the spirit.”

“If he cared for me half as much as I did for him, he wouldn't do it.”

“That's right.”

“I know what you'll say and you have every right to. But I… I don't know why I did it. Why I kept going back to him. God I'm a mess.” Bucky put his face in his hands.

“No. You are not. You acknowledged the problem and you are willing to see it go. You may not think that, and I blame that asshole for fucking up with your brain, but you are worth it Bucky. Worth to love and to be taken care of. So, good riddance Brock Rumlow.” Bucky smiled. Sam’s reassurance and support meant a lot to him and if it wasn't for him and Sam's boyfriend, Riley, Bucky didn't know where he'd be today.

“Not to mention, it'll take time Barnes. But you took the first and most important step. The rest will come along in its own pace. Just don't rush it.

“Thank you Sam.”

“You don't have to thank me. Now go. I picked you an outfit for tonight. It's in my room.”

Bucky laughed. Typical Sam.

…

Bucky was dressed in a plaid shirt and black tight jeans that Sam swore accentuated his ass. Bucky glared at him with Sam replying “you have to get it out there to be seen, hon” in his best imitating a woman voice. Then he slapped him on the ass.

Bucky giggled because Sam may have been a drama queen sometimes and knew how to get on his nerves, but he was a great friend.

They got at the bar a little before 8 and as Sam turned his head around to look for his friend Bucky felt like he was in a dream. He was faced with someone he knew a long time. A very long time.

Deja vu. But it couldn't be, could it?

Sam chose that moment to go and meet his friend. Which turned out to be Bucky's deja vu.

Bucky stood frozen on the spot when he saw the tall, blond man greeting Sam. It wasn't a dream after all. "Steve," Sam's voice sounds distant in Bucky's ears, "this is the friend I mentioned. James. But he goes by-" "Bucky?" Sam raised an eyebrow, looking from one man to the other. "I guess you two know each other then." Sam grinned like he just won the lottery. "Y-yes... Bucky is my childhood best friend." "Met this punk in a back alley behind the place where I lived as a kid. Turned out he lived three houses down from me." Bucky smiled as he remembered 6 years old Steve all skin and bones against the wall defending a boy his age from a bully. "We became friends. This jerk has helped me out fighting a few bullies himself." Steve smirked. Bucky smiled sadly as he continued the thread of the conversation. "Went to the same high school even. Then... We sort of parted ways when we went to separate colleges. Haven't seen him in a while." A while being 3 years. "Great to see you man." Steve exclaimed, happiness radiating off of him. He eyed Bucky with a nostalgic look and something that even Bucky couldn't understand. Bucky smiled, despite the feeling of gloom that was there since breaking up with Brock. Steve had that effect on people. Especially on Bucky. Steve was a balm to his soul. "Can we please at least get drinks from the bar and find a booth before you two eye fuck each other right here?" Sam rolled his eyes to finish off his statement. Steve sputtered and blushed, no one has joked about him and Bucky being in a relationship in a long time. They used to get that speech from everyone (even their parents) when they were teenagers. "We are not-" "Relax, Stevie, Sam is joking. Boy just wants to get this party started." "See this, Stevie, Barnes knows me better than you do." "Okay, okay. How did you two meet anyway? Ganging up on me. Bad, bad boys." Steve's voice was chiding but he was also smiling so it lost all effect. "I'll leave that story for another night." "I'll hold you to that." Steve said and sent Sam a warning glare. "Another thing you should know about Steve is, he's like those small pitbull terriers. When they get on to something, good luck with plucking them off of you." Sam shook his head, wondering what he got himself into. "Two shots of vodka, Sammy. That work for ya’ Steve?” Steve nodded. “It's settled then. We'll find us a nice booth." Bucky said and dragged Steve with him. "Get your own vodka, Barnes!" Sam's voice carried over even as he walked towards the bar. "Bite me." Sam turned to the bartender and ordered their drinks. "Swear I'm dealing with actual children. What did I get myself into?" "Friends can be goofs too." The bartender grinned and winked at Sam. "Two shots of vodka for the goofs then and for me... surprise me." The blond placed the shots in front of Sam and glared. "This better be the last time you try to flirt with me like we haven't been together forever Samuel." "I love what my flirting does to you, babe." "Get your ass off my bar Wilson and go join your friends." "When you finish come and join us?" Riley nodded and shooed Sam away. …

“How have you been Buck?” Steve used the first available opportunity to start a conversation.

Bucky looked at him, weighing the question.

“You mean like, right now or…?”

“I mean you, Buck. How have you been?”

“You want the blunt version or the sugar coated one?”

“C'mon Buck. You know me. You can tell me everything.”

“I… um… I ended up my relationship few days ago. So not the best? But getting there.”

Steve hummed in sympathy and his blue eyes never left Bucky's face. The Bucky he remembered was always a cheerful person, and everything about him screamed “confident”. But this Bucky? It was obvious that he was in pain and it wasn't just something recent.

How did they get to this point? They used to tell everything to each other.

"Who hurt you?" Bucky was taken aback by the question. He blinked hard and focused his eyes on Steve. The look on Steve's face was inquisitive but also caring. What did he do to deserve Steve in his life? "You seem like you are in pain, Buck. And there's not an obvious physical injury - and I could tell if there was one - so it's not that kind of pain." Bucky forgot that Steve was one hell of a perspective guy. "I'm right, then." It wasn't a question. "It's a bit complicated." "I have time." Sam chose that moment to join them with their drinks. "What have I told you about eavesdropping, Wilson?" Bucky sounded annoyed but used to, like Sam had done this before. "It just happened. And to answer your question Steve, because this goof won't ever admit it if he's hurting unless it's a stubbed toe-" "Sam..." "He hurt himself." "Sam, don't-" "This fucking idiot - and you are an idiot Barnes - let himself get back to his ex for the third time. And that vile piece of scum-" "Sam, please..." Now Bucky had tears in his eyes and Steve's heart did a weird thing. He wanted to punch whoever did this to Bucky. He would do everything for Bucky. It's been a long time since he felt like this for Bucky. Maybe he didn't bury those feels as deep as he thought. Steve was very protective of Bucky as it was but in the end he had to distance himself or else he would have risked their friendship. And as much as he wanted to see them together, the possible rejection by Bucky had Steve surrendering himself to a life without his best friend. And for a while it worked. But to listen that Bucky got hurt from his ex hurt Steve too.

Sam looked from Steve to Bucky and seemed to see something because he chose to not say anything else. He sat on Bucky's left while Steve came closer to Bucky's right. Steve could hear Winnie Barnes' voice in his head "see Sarah, those two have no sense of personal space whatsoever". "I'm sorry if it sounded harsh, but I just look out for you. You are my friend Bucky. Hate to see you hurt." "I know Sam. I know." Bucky felt at ease with both Steve and Sam by his side. He knew Steve longer than Sam, but Sam was a great friend - they both were - and Bucky was grateful that God sent them both at the same time to him because of the situation he was in. Bucky was aware that Brock was an asshole and that after the second break-up it was only the need to go back and have that semblance of normal relationship. They had something good going at the start, Brock wasn't so bad, but after a while everything changed. Bucky wasn't sure why he started crying. It certainly wasn't because he wanted to go back to Brock. But he didn't give himself enough time to heal after discovering Jack Rollins in the bed Bucky and Brock shared. It hurt and it stung. More than the previous break-ups. Steve saw something in that moment and maybe ingrained from years of being Bucky's best friend or maybe from just wanting to comfort him, but he moved at the same time Sam did. Call it instinct or coincidence. The hug was unexpected and if Bucky sobbed on Steve's shoulder in the process, no one had to know but him and Steve. And maybe Sam. It felt like relief, being held and comforted, for him to rely on someone instead of being the crying shoulder. Maybe he needed this outlet. "There, there." Sam drew soothing circles on Bucky's back while Steve held on Bucky tight. Steve didn't like when people were hurt, especially Bucky. And even then he always went out of his way to make him feel better. After a while Bucky lifted his head and looked at Steve, sniffling. "Thanks, Stevie. I'm sorry I'm a mess." "Don't mention it, Buck. Your mess is my mess, too. Want to tell me what happened?" "Maybe another time. You back to Brooklyn?" "Yeah. I think LA got enough of me already." "I'm glad." "Hey Steve..." "Listen Buck..." They both spoke at the same time and giggled. It was like old times, unaware of Sam rolling his eyes at them and leaving them to their own devices as he went to the bar to get more drinks. "You first." "No, Stevie, you first." "I was gonna ask... I haven't heard from you for a while and... um, you have the same number, right?" "No, I don't. My phone was stolen few months ago and when I went to get a new one... they said that they couldn't recover my contacts. If I'd known that you were a friend of Sam’s I would've asked him." "Don't worry. Now we found each other again. And I'd like to see you more now that I'm back. We have lots of things to talk about." "True." And certainly there were things you couldn't say over the phone. ... The rest of the night went smooth. The initial thought of Bucky getting hammered flew out of the window when he met Steve again. Catching up with his best friend was more important than alcohol and maybe that's what he needed. To talk and forget for a while why he was there at the bar. Now that Steve was back home everything looked easier. What Brock did to him was still there, it would still hurt, but with Steve beside him, Bucky found it could be bearable. Sam called it a night shortly after Riley joined them when his shift ended. Sam wanted to have some alone time with his boyfriend before Bucky decided to join them. "So, Sam and the bartender, huh?" "Yup. Don't tell me you didn't know." "I knew he had a boyfriend but never met him." "How did you two met anyway?" "In college. I minored and he majored in psychology. We stayed in contact even when I moved to LA." Bucky nodded and was wondering how they hadn't met before Bucky... He chased those thoughts away because he didn't need his gloomy mood to ruin the night. "The world is small." Bucky concluded. "Definitely. So, I have a suggestion. I assume you don't have your own place..." Bucky smiled. "Yes, you guess correct. The break-up didn't go well and I... I am crashing at Sam's ever since." "Well if you wouldn't mind, you can come stay at my place tonight? Give the boys some privacy." Bucky wanted to say yes. He really did. "It's not like we haven't had sleepovers before, Buck. Plus I have enough space. What do you say?" And how was anyone able to resist Steve when he asked them with those Bambi eyes? "Okay. I concede defeat." "My place then." "Your place." They both found out that Sam paid for everyone - and after an extensive torture (the taxi driver had to laugh when Bucky tickled Steve) - Steve admitted they may have talked about things when Bucky went to the bathroom. They finally arrived at Steve's place. It was... spacious to say the least. Bucky took it all in and gaped. "This is... amazing Steve." "Thanks. You wanna watch TV and order in or you want to go to bed?" It wasn't late, barely even 11.30 and Bucky certainly had nothing else to do on a Saturday night so he agreed on the offer. After a while he was relaxed enough to doze off. Food in his belly, the distant sound of the voices on one of the crime shows they played late at night and the warm presence of Steve. For the first time in the last week things were on the 'up' side. And waking up covered with the softest fleece blanket ever made was a nice bonus. …

Bucky found a note on the night table that read "See you later, had to run to the store." Bucky felt warm and fuzzy, both from meeting Steve again after so long, and because he was covered in this soft blanket that brought back memories from his childhood. Bucky stretched cat-like on the couch and sighed. The sun was up, and warmth spread in the living room of Steve's apartment. Judging by the note Steve wasn't gone long, but Bucky figured he could lounge a bit more. Steve was always the early bird, Bucky preferring to stay under the blankets for "5 more minutes, please Stevie". And being the night owl continued well into adulthood. Old habits die hard. Bucky let himself close his eyes again, relishing in the softness of the cushion under his head and the sun caressing his cheeks. He wasn't asleep, more like drifting off and thinking of him and Steve. When Bucky was 7 he met Steve in that back alley, trying to fight that bully kid for picking on one of his peers. Steve was 6 at the time, all skin and bones and a strong will. The numerous ailments didn't help him most of the time, Bucky remembered numerous days when he had to bring homework to Steve and tend to him. Sarah, Steve's mom was a nurse that sometimes took double shifts to bring home enough money so they could make a decent living. By the time Bucky was 8, the Barnes' had adopted Sarah and Steve as theirs. Bucky smiled as he remembered Steve becoming even more of a fierce fighter at school and back alleys. The moment he became a teenager some of Steve's medical conditions receeded. Not that you could do much about food allergies or asthma, but he got better. To everyone's joy. And about the time Bucky started to notice that he was feeling something more for Steve. Something that wasn't just friendship. Coming out wasn't easy. Bucky thought that Steve could tell Bucky had feelings for him, but then, Steve had known him for a better part of his life then and supported him in everything (no matter how stupid it may have looked at the time. Steve had a moto in life: you won't know if you don't try) and Bucky being gay didn't put Steve off. With time Bucky tried to quell on his feelings and desires. He felt guilty that he jerked off to the thoughts of his best friend, like he was dirtying up their friendship. And Steve was straight (at least as far as their high school discoveries went). Those internal struggles made Bucky stronger and soon he was able to blame his mood swings to the teenage hormones coursing through his body when in reality it was Steve going out with Connie, then with Bonnie and finally starting a relationship with Peggy Carter. The night Bucky learned about that was the first time he got drunk. And cried until he couldn't. Bucky opened his eyes when he felt tears stinging the corners of his eyes. He knew it was bound to happen - the trip down memory lane. After that, their friendship kind of fell to the backburner, Steve went on dates with Peggy and had little to no time for Bucky. Bucky used that spare time to bury himself in his school books. When Steve was 17 his mom died from cancer and even though it was a horrible event, Bucky had his friend back at least. Soon after, Peggy announced that she was leaving to go to college in London, back to her roots. A messy goodbye with lots of promises but Bucky knew nothing would come out of it. Something in Steve broke when Sarah died. Something not even Peggy could help fix it. Bucky sighed. He didn't need to think of the past. It was as it was, they went their different paths, he became a mechanical engineer and Steve went to art school. Then a job opportunity came at him when a renowned gallery from LA loved his drawings so much they asked for him straight away. And it turned out they weren't accepting 'no' for an answer. The second worst hangover Bucky had was the morning after Steve left for LA. It was a bit hurtful when Steve said to Bucky that night, that nothing tied him with Brooklyn anymore. Bucky wanted to yell at him that Steve had him to stay for. But Bucky could not ask that from Steve. It wasn't Steve's fault. And Steve deserved the best and not Bucky holding him back from what he could do once he got his wings. Bucky could move on. He'd done it before. The contact between them was far and few and after a while it was reduced to birthdays and holidays. Steve was always busy and after a while Bucky landed a job with Stark Industries so it wasn't like he could spare time. Then along came Brock. Something that started as a fling and ended up breaking Bucky's heart more than once. Bucky was sure he liked Brock. Maybe even loved him. Never as much as he did Steve but loved him nonetheless. Bucky couldn't pinpoint the exact moment when Brock started acting strange but he was more controlling, never showing too much affection and the periods after Bucky would break up with him until Brock came to ask for forgiveness were longer each time. Bucky tried to erase the image of Brock and Jack out of his mind, but he couldn't. He also knew their last attempt was a desperate cry for help, Bucky's for that matter but he thought he could make things work. Turned out that Brock was stringing him along the whole time. But like Sam said, 'good riddance'. Bucky took a deep breath and checked the clock. He was awake for total of 20 minutes. Steve should be back any minute. Bucky decided that taking a shower wouldn't hurt. ... Clearly the shower was not the greatest idea Bucky had because he forgot he had no clothes with him at Steve's. Luckily he had his phone on the counter. Embarrassing as it was he fired off a text to Steve. Bucky was glad they exchanged numbers last night. An answer came right away like Steve was already back. ‘Second door to the left. Guest room’. Bucky thanked his lucky stars and hurried off to get dressed. Steve developed physically while in high school but he apparently got more buff because the sweater and sweatpants were hanging on Bucky a bit. Or maybe he should hit the gym again and return to his normal weight and gain some muscle. Definitely worth thinking of again but he'd care more about it later. Now he had to face Steve. It smelled of cinnamon and bacon and eggs and toast and Bucky was drawn to the food as a moth was drawn to a flame. "Morning Princess. How was sleep?" "It was good. Really good. So, food?" "Always straight to the point Buck. There is bacon and eggs, toast with butter and cinnamon rolls." "Can I have all?" "Suit yourself. And I suppose both orange juice and coffee." "You know me the best Steve." They spent breakfast in a pleasant silence, enjoying their food. "So listen Steve, I had absolutely a great night and this breakfast is amazing but I gotta go." Steve's face fell and Bucky wondered if it was because he'd planned something for them or something else. "Uh, okay, but we'll see each other again, right?" Bucky nodded with a smile. "Now that I found you again, I'm not letting you go." Steve chuckled and that adorable dimple on his chin appeared. One of the many little things that Bucky loved about Steve. "I gotta work on a project for Monday. I've been slacking off ever since... and I want to get it over with." "It's understandable." Bucky was ready and by the door when he was pulled in a bear hug. He got lost in the embrace. Steve hugged like a koala clinging on a tree. "Still giving the best damn hugs in the world, Rogers." Bucky exclaimed. "I have to keep my reputation." "Thanks." "For what?" "For everything." "Don't mention it, Buck. Always." …

The next few weeks were spent in catching up. What Steve did in LA, other places he visited, his work and all the little details texts and calls couldn't cover. Bucky learned that Tony, his boss and friend was also Steve's friend. How the universe connected Sam and Tony with Steve without Bucky's knowledge was beyond Bucky. It was one week until Steve's birthday and both he and Bucky had a day off. When the offer came to spend the afternoon at Prospect Park and grab a bite afterwards was attractive enough that Bucky agreed immediately. If Bucky was honest with himself, Steve got him at food. It was a nice and sunny summer day. Bucky was enjoying the sun and the slight warm wind while Steve held his end on a small talk and sketching. Bucky always loved seeing Steve in his element. Nature always had that effect on him. "Hey, Steve?" "Hm?" "I wanna ask you something. You don't have to..." "What?" "What made you come back to Brooklyn? I like that you are here again, but it seemed like you were doing well at the gallery. Getting to create your own art. Be yourself." Steve closed his sketch pad and turned to look at Bucky fully. "Pierce, the gallery owner was a bit eccentric." And by bit Steve meant completely. "He was trying to convince me to try and change my style and I didn't want to. We bickered more than agreeing on things. Plus he led things his old fashioned way and for a while things didn't click. We had a big fight. We didn't reach an agreement. That's all." Bucky nodded and seemed like he was trying to understand why. Still something didn't add up. But he figured it was a thing they'd discuss another day. For now he just let himself enjoy the day with Steve. …

It was another month of texts and Skype sessions before Steve and Bucky had a chance to see each other. Stark made a deal with a company for new metal prosthetics and Bucky was the lead engineer on the project, being it his idea. He barely had time to see the inside of his home (he finally found a decent place at the start of August).

The time he got he devoted to Steve. Bucky didn't know if it was the few times he saw Steve or the fact that Steve was back in his life, but the feelings he had for his best friend started to resurface. Or maybe he was still healing and his broken heart clutched on every safe option. But in the end Bucky came to a realization that he always loved Steve. You truly love only once in your life and all that.

Seeing Steve so live and animated was worth every heartache. Bucky’s eyes were closing and he kept from yawning, only Steve's voice from his laptop speakers kept him from falling face first onto the keyboard. "So this client - she wants to buy this painting and she insists on the price that it's too high, when in fact the painting was not for sale. It’s decoration on the wall and we... Uh Buck, you okay?" "Huh? Wha?" "You look like you are tired." "That's because I am." Bucky couldn't stop the yawn this time. "Why didn't you say so? My thing can wait." "Nah, please go on. I am-" yawn "-awake." "Uh-huh. I can see that. Look, I have a day off tomorrow, so maybe if you can, we can go to lunch?" "Sure. Tony gave me 3 days off. We finally closed this project and he said I deserved a breather. To be honest, I planned to spend 2 days straight on sleeping." "You can still sleep and have lunch with me?" Bucky couldn't say no to that adorable Golden Retriever staring at him. Steve always knew when to use them puppy dog eyes and Bucky fell for them every single time. "Goof." "That means we'll see each other tomorrow, right?" "It's a date." The second those words got out of his mouth, Bucky panicked. He knew he shouldn't talk with Steve when tired. When tired or drunk, Bucky always said things he tried to keep locked inside. "It's a date." Steve grinned. That night Bucky lay in bed, unable to fall asleep. ... Steve was nervous. What should he wear? He knew it was just a lunch with Bucky. And with Bucky he didn't have to put up an image. Bucky had seen him at his worst and wouldn't care even if Steve appeared in sweatpants. But still, Steve was panicking inside for a bit because it was the first time Steve asked Bucky out. It felt like asking out. He was also afraid that he was too eager when Bucky said "it's a date" last night. Fact was, Steve’s feelings not just returned, but intensified. But he had to squash down on those hopes. No way Bucky could feel the same for him as he did for Bucky. Steve schooled his features as he saw Bucky entering in the restaurant. Once Bucky noticed Steve a grin lit his face. They hugged and sat down. "Hey there stranger." Steve joked. "I don't know who the stranger is here, Rogers." Steve had a quip ready when the waitress interrupted them with bringing the menus.

“I'll have hash browns.” Bucky concluded after a moment.

“I'll have the same, thank you.”

The waitress wrote down their order and retreated. They made small talk until their food arrived. Steve telling Bucky about his almost-sale yesterday and Bucky elaborating on the prosthetics he worked on. "I think that it will help vets and accident victims that lost their arm or both arms. It's this metal, vibranium, that gets shaped in the form of the other arm and there is a mechanism that will connect the nerve endings of what's left in the arm to the wires inserted in the prosthetic. You can move it and everything. It's still new, got the idea couple of years ago but started developing it last year. Tony thinks that we can start the trial period. I just have to figure how to make the vibranium lighter. Don't want the prosthetic to weigh more than what the other arm does and to cause more problems than solve them." "That's amazing, Buck. Truly a great idea. I'm sure lots of people can benefit from your research and the end result. Hope you figure it out soon." "Thanks. And the best thing is Tony - he made a deal with the VA in Brooklyn, that we'd give discount to those that can't pay full price for the prosthetic and in case the person is not able to afford it we'd give it for free. That's actually how I met Sam. He volunteers there." "That's wonderful and humble, Bucky!" "It's mostly Tony. My idea with his finances. I think that after he learned what his father's partner did with the weapons... He's trying to redeem himself for letting it happen in front of his eyes." "Yeah, I heard. Too bad it fall all on the Stark company and Tony as one half of the partnership." "Yes. But Tony did good on selling that company and starting his own. I was lucky to get the job when I did." "How did you come up with this idea?" "Curious as always..." Bucky sighed. "Remember that car accident I was in 2 years ago?" "Yes. Why?" "I might have... not told you the full extent of my injuries." "You what?" "I was seriously injured. My left arm was broken in a few places and my shoulder was moved out of the socket. It was a painful and slow healing process. Hurt a lot. What was the worst, for a while I couldn't move the arm. Had to do everything with one arm. So I thought, if I felt like this with my arm at least being attached to my body still - and possibility of getting it back to fully functional - how does it feel to those that don't have it anymore?" Steve looked like something physically hurt him. "I'm okay now, Steve. Don't worry. Have some scarring on my shoulder and chest from the surgery but I'm okay otherwise." "Okay if you say so. But - next time you tell me if something happens. Everything Whatever it is." "Deal."

“I mean it. Don't make me question you.”

“I give you my word.”

“Good.” …

Brock was watching Bucky and the blond with him closely for a while now, only seeing it was Bucky when Bucky laughed at something the guy with him said. Something in Brock stirred then and he got up from the table he sat on, alone. Jack gave him the boot soon after Bucky found them together and now he spent most of his days wandering around and eating in restaurants. Alone. When he saw Bucky it was like he struck gold. Brock decided to make his presence known by going to their table. "Well hello there, Bucky." Bucky froze and he dropped his fork. The loud clatter made Steve carefully place his fork in the plate and look at the man that joined them. Apparently Bucky knew him. "Buck, who's this?" Steve asked calmly. Bucky meant to tell Steve about Brock. He really did. But when their reunion happened it was a fresh wound, one that Bucky didn’t one to talk about. He just delayed the inevitable. Until he didn't think of it anymore. But seeing Brock in the same restaurant where he had lunch with Steve wasn't how Bucky wanted things to happen. And now Steve wanted to know who the guy was. "You are Bucky's new guy, huh? No wonder he ditched me last minute. And here I thought I did something wrong." "Brock..." Bucky didn't dare look at Brock. He was too shocked by Brock's words. "Did he tell you he tends to get back to me? He always does. Don't know what took him so long this time." "You and I both know I won't get back to you!" Bucky spat and finally looked at Brock. He could feel Steve's eyes on him. "We'll see about that. So, Bucky's new fuck buddy, nice to meet you. I'm Brock-" "Fuck off, Rumlow!" Bucky suddenly roared. "Get out! You have no right to come here and barge in on my lunch with whoever I want to go out." "I think that I actually do." "Excuse me?" Bucky heard Steve clear his throat but he was too busy staring at Brock, scared the man will try something. "Let's walk it out, buddy. No need to make a scene." "I am not making a scene, just wanted to-" "Let's walk it out." Steve punctuated the sentence with grabbing Brock by the arm and dragging him out of the restaurant and on the sidewalk. Bucky watched as Steve talked and Brock got more annoyed with every second. And then Steve swung with his fist and landed a punch square on Brock's face. The rest of the people at the restaurant watched in awe. Steve said something else and then got back inside. By that point Bucky started to come down from his shock and the brief adrenaline rush for speaking up to Brock - something he hadn't done before. It was a first and scared him. What if Brock came for him. What if...

"Buck?" Steve's voice sounded like from miles away and not next to him. "Bucky... pal, what is it?" It's only then that Bucky has moved his head to face Steve. "Yeah, Stevie?" "Are you okay?" "Yeah... I..." Bucky cleared his throat, but the unfocused look into his eyes still present. "I'm okay." Steve didn't say anything after that, but something told him that the guy interrupting their lunch was Bucky's ex. The way he talked about Bucky and assuming Steve was Bucky's "fuck buddy". Steve felt better for punching him. That will teach him not to mess with Bucky. "Serves him right, you know?" "What does?" "You punching him... he deserves it. He's a douche. I just can't believe how was I able to stay with him for so long?" "We can't order our hearts how to feel about someone Buck. It's over now." "But I was so stupid. God knows what shit he's been talking about me and I was with him- What he did-" "Hey," Steve put his hand over Bucky's on the table, rubbing soothing circles over Bucky's wrist, "You are worth more than what that asshole thought you were. You are strong and smart and pretty. You don't need him to feel better about yourself. Those that truly know you for who you are, would not give a damn about what he says about you. His words are a twisted sense of reality. And fuck his opinion on you. It doesn't matter to me Buck." Bucky smiled. It was just a lift on the corners of his mouth, but he smiled nonetheless and Steve counted that as a win. And then: "You think I'm pretty, Stevie?" Steve laughed and that seemed to break the tension.

“From all that I said, that’s the part you stumbled upon?”

…

Bucky poked at his hash browns, trying to finish his meal, but with not much of a success. Instead his eyes moved to Steve's right hand and the red skin of his knuckles. "I think you should put ice on that. It's gonna bruise." "I know. And I will." "Let me get it for ya'. And the check. I think I'm done eating." "Same. But you don't have to. I'll-" But Bucky was off like a shot before Steve finished his sentence. A little off balance but nothing that made Steve worry too much. Natasha, the waitress that served them had ice ready by the time Bucky reached the counter. She smiled politely and handed the ice as Bucky asked for the check. The least he could do was to pay - after what he put Steve through. He thanked Natasha and went back to Steve.

“Put this on your hand.”

“Once a worrier. Always a worrier.”

“I can't help it, Steve. It’s ingrained in me.”

“What do we do now?”

“Take me home? Please? I'm not in the mood for anything else than curling on my couch and watching TV.”

“I can do that.” Steve smiled and as a true gentlemen helped Bucky that was trembling slightly.

“You don't have to.”

“I want to. Where else could I be?”

“Dunno… somewhere.”

“Not leaving you alone, pal.”

Bucky smiled weakly.

“Okay.” …

Bucky placed the keys on the table next to the door and kicked off his shoes before plopping on the couch. Sam managed to find it on a garage sale and the thing was the most comfortable piece of furniture Bucky sat his ass on. It helped that it came in his favorite color - blue - and that there were two blankets and couple of pillows that came with it. "C'mere Steve,” Bucky patted the couch. “What do you want to watch?" "Whatever you want Buck." "Okay then." Bucky flipped through channels to see if there was something interesting and he stumbled upon a rerun of ‘Without a trace’. "Haven't seen this show in ages." "Me either." They settled against each other in comfortable silence and as the episode progressed and the FBI found that the girl lied that Dr. Sardo was her biological mother it was race against time to find them both. Bucky inched closer to Steve and placed his head on Steve's shoulder. Steve in turn moved his arm to envelope Bucky in a half-hug. As the episode ended and the credits rolled, Bucky sighed. "Steve, I want to tell you something." Bucky's voice was barely above a whisper and if Steve wasn't so close he would've missed it. "Yeah? What is it?" "I... about Brock. I know I should've told you before that my ex-boyfriend is... a piece of shit." "It's okay, Buck. You don't have to say anything if you-" "I have to. Because I came to realize that the real reason I was holding back was you." Bucky moved his head off of Steve's shoulder to look at Steve. Steve looked surprised, and his face was one big question mark. "I'll get to that... and I'll understand if you won't want to have ties with me after this." "What's wrong Bucky?" "When I," Bucky took a deep breath "when I first met Brock, he was great. Charming, lovely. Someone I could see myself being in a relationship with. He was attentive. Took me to dinner a few games. There were even dates that he whipped out of the blue. I worked at a hardware store before the Stark gig and he'd come there at night. Walk me home. I fell for him. Hard." It was difficult for Bucky to get it out. The way his life seemed to be on the upside one moment and the next it was a giant snowball rolling down a mountain hitting a tree. "It lasted for a while. Before he started acting strange. He worked as a security. Freelance. Started picking odd jobs, coming home bloody and bruised. I had to patch him up." Steve smiled sadly. "Sounds familiar." "Yeah, but that's where the similarities end. You always picked fights to help people that actually needed it. Brock picked fights for those with deeper pockets." "You said..."

“He worked as a security at first, yeah. But while he lied to me it was low security job I learned from someone close to Brock that he was actually roughing up guys that couldn't pay the racket a mob boss wanted from them." "Jesus." "I confronted him. He said it was a lie. I yelled. It ended bad. I left. After a week, he came banging on Sam's door at 2 am. Smelled of cheap booze." "God, Bucky." "He pleaded with me. He promised he won't do it again. I believed him." "Shit." "Yeah... And the second time. And the third. Don't know why... I used to tell myself that it's because people change so maybe he'd go back to that gentleman I fell in love with?" Steve sucked in a sharp breath. To hear Bucky loving someone else than him stung more than every scrape and bruise he got. "I'm not anymore. I think that seeing him today at the restaurant proved that to me. That I fell in love with him right when he started lying to me, and gave empty promises. I gave him so many opportunities Steve..." "What happened Buck?" "He cheated on me. With one of his buddies. I caught them in our bed."

“What?!” Steve was furious. He was ready to go find Brock and give him more than just a punch. "That motherfucker! Why didn't you tell me Buck? You know I... Hell, I wanna beat him so bad. How could he do that to you." Bucky chuckled and shook his head. "It's not worth it." "You are worth it. Everything." "Well he fucked me up. Made me feel like I am not enough for him. Because he found someone else easily..." "God, Bucky." "But, I'm okay now. And maybe, I like to think that what happened between me and Brock and meeting you at that bar - that it was fate." "What are you talking about, Buck?" "Promise me you'll hear me out before... Before you make a decision." "But I don't-" "Promise me?" Steve looked at Bucky. His eyes held so many emotions, and Steve couldn't read most of it. But something in his voice sounded important. Pleading. "I promise." "You remember when I came out?" "Yes." "Remember when I told you that this boy I knew made me realize that I am not straight. Girls didn't do a thing for me Stevie. But this boy - all the fire in his eyes and soul, the spirit. He was small, but with a big heart. The most beautiful golden hair and blue eyes. My best friend." Bucky closed his eyes tight. He wasn't gonna cry. He was not! "What...? Bucky?" "It was you Steve. The boy that made me realize I was gay, it was you. I've loved you since I was 15." "10 years?" Steve opened his mouth and when nothing came out of it, he closed it. Bucky opened his eyes. He willed himself not to waver, holding Steve's eyes with his. "I know what you'll say. You are straight, and I'm your best friend, but the only person I loved my whole life is you. I tried to bury it inside. It hurt so much. To see you flirt with one girl, then another. You may have been small but girls were all over you. You were my Steve but I had to share you with them." "Oh Bucky..." Steve was on the verge of tears himself. "Let me finish, please? Today's encounter with Brock made me realize that I could love again. Another person. But never as much as you. You'll be the first and last. And even if I never have you... I'll manage. I did well until now, right?" Bucky smiled and tried not to gasp as he felt his heart tearing itself on half. "The night you took Peggy on a date I got drunk. Cried so hard I made myself sick. Your mom... she found me in the bathroom, throwing up. Asked me what's wrong. I felt so wrong. So dirty. But I had to tell someone." Steve blinked rapidly but to no avail. A tear slid down his cheek. "She... she told me it's not wrong. And that you loved me too. But I knew that she was just trying to make me feel better. I was a mess." Bucky took a deep breath. "I'm sorry I put all of this on you. Really am. But it's been a long time and the last few months just proved to me that I can't keep it inside anymore." "That's why you looked like a kicked puppy the night I left for LA. When I said I didn't have anything else to tie me to Brooklyn anymore." Bucky nodded unable to speak. "Buck? Look at me." Bucky did. "I wasn't entirely too honest with you about why I returned to Brooklyn. Part of the reason was the disagreement I had with Pierce. The other part... the stronger pull - this person that will always have that effect on me... you Buck. I came back for you." Bucky choked on a sob, unable to hold anymore. It was a rollercoaster of a day. "I've loved you since forever Buck. I thought you'd never see me as more than your best friend." "We are idiots." Bucky managed to choke of before he tried to calm his breathing and wipe tears clumsily. "Yes... I guess we are." ... Another rerun of "Without a trace" ended as Bucky snuggled deeper in Steve's embrace. After they cried their souls out, they cleaned up and returned on the couch. Bucky was not able to do much more than sit and take it all in. He did something brave today. He confessed his love to Steve. And to know Steve felt the same... it was too much. Bucky needed time to process it all. For now he was content in Steve's embrace, listening to his heartbeat. The breaths that came like short gasps evening out. He could stay like this forever. "Buck?" "Hmmm?" "Can I kiss you?" Bucky figured that with all cards open between them both it was the least they could do. "Yes, I'd like that." Steve moved his hand from Bucky's waist. Carding his fingers through Bucky's hair his hand rested on Bucky's jaw. Bucky tilted his head, smiling Steve met him halfway through. The second their lips met, Bucky felt electricity coursing through his body. God, did Steve know how to kiss. Licking at the seams of Bucky's lips, Steve probed with his tongue as Bucky opened up and let Steve lead the tempo. It all ended too soon but Steve needed to take a breath before he kissed Bucky again. Bucky melted. The second kiss was even better than the first and if this was the beginning he couldn't wait to know how the rest of Steve's kisses would feel on him. "I love you Buck." "Love you, Stevie. I think it's long overdue." "Yeah. But we have all the time in the world. I'll never get tired from saying that I love you." "Me either." Steve's stomach decided it was the perfect time for it to growl. They both laughed. …

Eating take out lead to more kisses and a makeout session on the couch. It was like neither Steve nor Bucky could get enough of the other. Bucky suggested they move to the bed. Steve raised a questioning eyebrow and Bucky whacked him with a pillow then told him he planned on full on cuddling with his boyfriend. Similar to that night at Steve's when Steve borrowed Bucky some of his clothes, Bucky gave Steve sweatpants and a t shirt that he deemed good enough to pass for sleep wear. Steve looked at the t shirt that had a picture of koala on it. He smiled softly. "What?" Bucky enquired. "Nothing... just remembered that obsession you had with stuffed bears as a kid. Well bears in general." "I still do..." Bucky blushed as he changed himself in a t shirt that had a polar bear on it. "Where are they?" "I... didn't take much when I moved out with Brock. Now that I think of it, I don't know what he's done with my stuff." "We can go get them together. In my opinion, if there's still some part of the person he was before all this? He hasn't touched anything." "Thank you, Steve." "Always." ... In the morning Bucky woke up with Steve draped all over him. One look at the man he gave his heart to, long before today, and Bucky felt warm and fuzzy, full of life and love, a new hope on the horizon.

Bucky got all that he wanted and needed right there with him. And it was enough.

...

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mysecretconfessionsx · 5 years ago

Text

Crawl out through the fallout

Just a story to help process some stuff and maybe have a little fun with in the mean time. Warning: mentions of abuse and the like. It’s a rough draft so read at your own risk.

Sunlight peeked through the gray blanket of clouds, giving the gold and crimson tree lined road an almost ethereal quality. Driving up a steep hill I paused to take in the stark white house, glowing in the last beam of golden sun, standing against the bruised purple of an oncoming storm. Taking a deep breath I quietly shut the car door and marched up the wooden steps and pushed open the heavy wooden door. The smell of tea and lemon polish hit my nose as the tension drained away, bit by bit. A thin, tired looking young man sat behind giant oak desk, almost buried under a mountain of paperwork, looked up from the stacks long enough to give a friendly nod before returning to the impossible task before him. "Come on in sweetie." Lucy, a grandmotherly woman beckoned me into a cozy side room and motioned for me to take the cushy chair by the window. "Tea?" I nodded, not trusting myself to speak yet. She just smiled and pushed a brightly colored mug towards me. "Start whenever you're ready my dear." She sipped her own tea and waited. "Thank you." I set aside my mug and took one more deep breath. "Colt and I got together at the end of high school and moved in almost right away. In hindsight it was a stupid decision, but I was running from the people who hurt me and my own medical issues and he offered some semblance of safety." I shook my head at my own foolishness but Lucy just nodded patiently. "The first year was fantastic until I found out Colt was in love with his best friend Rob. When people found out, we promised to never talk about it and moved in with his family. He fell into a depression for a couple of years and started giving me the silent treatment. It only got worse when he found out his best friend got married. His indulgence of certain substances got worse." My throat was raw and my hands trembled as I braced for the worst parts. More tea was poured and her weathered hand steadied mine. Nodding my thanks I gathered my courage. "I worked for both of us then. It was never enough though. No matter how much money I made or how much I cooked and cleaned, he started insulting me and screaming at me whenever he could. I cried in the bathroom a lot." Clenching my fists I finally admitted to the woman in front of me things I hadn't dared say to anyone else. "I could have been happy, I ran into an old friend, Ezran, a few years back and we started talking again. Honestly I was falling for him long before Colt came into the picture and seeing him again brought everything back tenfold. Colt found some of our letters and he threatened to kill himself if I didn't cut off contact with Ezran. I couldn't even say goodbye. After that Colt got even worse." Tears welled up in my eyes but I refused to let them fall."We can stop there for now if you wanted to my dear." Her voice was low and soothing, like she was talking to a wounded animal. I shook my head, wanting to get the weight off my chest. The last part was always the hardest and the words came rushing out as if saying them quickly would make the memories hurt less. A cold chill ran through my body that even the tea couldn't chase away, despite the relative warmth of late summer."January. It was January when he decided to lock me out of the house when I went out to smoke. It was sub zero that night. He also threw my cat against the wall and tried choking her. I don't know if he wanted me dead or just to know that he wouldn't mind if I died but I hated him ever since. I've been planning my escape, slowly taking my things under the guise of cleaning." The words caught in my throat as I struggled to say what came next. My body ached and trembled at the strain on my system. "But He knew something was up even though I was sneaky. So one night when I came home he was extra nice. I should have run. He brought me to bed and convinced me one last time. I didn't really want to and I should have said no, but I thought that if I went along with it he'd be asleep long enough for me to get the last of my things. I pleaded for him to not finish in me. He did it with a satisfied smile anyway. God I want him dead. I cried in the shower for hours after that. I never wanted another person to touch me again." My clipped shakey sentences stopped when the shuddering of my repressed sobs overwhelmed me, small ugly hiccups escaped periodically from behind my hand. The sage old woman took off her shawl and draped it around my shoulders, careful not to touch me. A few ragged breaths later and I nodded gratefully. "Thank you for telling me. The weight of the world has been on your shoulders for far too long, little one." She set aside her tea and grabbed a folder from the bookshelf beside her. Sliding the paperwork across the table to me she explained, "If you would like it, I've arranged for you to live in a cottage under your grandmother's name, not far from your brother's house."My stomach knotted and adrenaline pumped through my system. "Yes." I breathed the word, almost afraid of the power it held. I signed all the necessary places as guilt crept up my spine and threatened to choke me further. "Hey Lucy," my voice was barely above a whisper but she nodded for me to continue. "Is it okay that I feel guilty and angry and confused? I didn't say anything sooner, I know I should have but I didn't want to say it out loud, it made it too real." Her eyes softened at the question. "Of course dear, it's a lot to process and a long road to recovery, no one expects you to have it all figured out right now." The clock on the wall behind me chimed the hour, a hideously cheerful reminder that my brief time of safety was over. Lucy sighed and tucked the paperwork back into the folder. "I'll take care of the rest of this and the house will be ready early next week." She stood and moved around to the table, arms out and waiting to see if I would accept the offer of a hug. I gingerly tucked myself into her short embrace, calming before returning to the storm. "Stay safe little one.""Of course," I worked up a brave smile and met her eyes. "I'll see you soon." Stepping out of the safety of Lucy's office I marched to my car. With every step backwards I dreamed of the steps forward I could take, elation and guilt warred inside me until the nausea won. Icy pin pricks stung my skin as the storm haltingly released it's wrath, turning the mild weather unwelcoming. Sliding behind the wheel I steeled myself for whatever I may face upon returning. I couldn't help admiring the proud old building shrinking in my rearview mirror, stark white as ever, untouched by the countless storms through the years. The winding road, while no longer cast in the ethereal glow of afternoon was still beautiful, though with the weather building and the weight of my thoughts it took on a sinister edge with every mile passed. My stomach knotted even tighter as I drove up to the road back to Colt's, slowing for a moment I contemplated taking the 'safer' option and stomped on the gas, flying past the turn and headed for the highway. I knew that I would pay for this stolen time but that was later and I needed room to breathe. Rolling down the windows I let the rapidly cooling air hit my face as I sped along my usual escape route. About half an hour later I rolled into my family’s airport inn, covering all traces of my mental state and let my hair down before strolling through the well worn door. "Aunty is home!" The high pitched squeal my niece let out grated pleasantly on my ears as she came toddling over to me to be picked up. Stooping to scoop up the small girl and pepper her face with kisses as she giggled and tugged at my hair. My parents came up from the bar in the basement, lovingly nicknamed the booze bunker, with drinks already in hand. My mother took the squirming toddler from my arms and placed the drink in my hand."You staying or just need a drink?" My mom asked, eyebrow raised. I took a swig of whatever the drink of the night was and told her I was staying. My dad shrugged a lumbered back down to the bar, most likely to finish the round of cards he was playing with his mother. My mom was about to say something when the phone started ringing. My body tensed and cold sweat broke out as I waited to see who was calling. Plopping my niece on the floor my mom quickly picked up and answered brightly, "Hello! Peggy speaking!" Surprise and then determination crossed her face before she hung up. “That was the hospital, they’re a bit backed up and need extra hands so I’m off to work again!” The tension drained from my shoulders and I shook my head at my adrenaline junky mom, grabbing her medical bag from the cupboard while she put on her coat.“Try not to have too much fun mum!” I laughed as she ran out the door, a pastel whirlwind against the night. After yelling down to my dad and grandma that the hospital called I made my way to the roof, grabbing a blanket and my lantern I sat under the stars, wishing for a brighter future. Ever so slowly I let myself get lost in the stars above, not yet daring to feel but giving myself the room to breathe. I had gone numb by the time my brother’s beat up old truck pulled into the driveway, pulling me from my stupor. Deciding that I had enough for one night, I headed back inside to curl up on my childhood bed and fall asleep. Strong arms wrapped around me, pulling me closer. The smell of home and flashes of a smile brighter than the sun. Soft lips on mine and a caress so adoring it was like feeling heat for the first time. Prying open an eye as reality crashed around me, leaving me feeling raw as I slowly realized it was the phone ringing that pulled me from dreamland. Glaring at the clock, that innocently ticked away the seconds to three am. Forcing myself to leave the warmth of the bed I groggily picked up the phone. “Hello?” My voice was rough and broken, not yet used to being awake. “Why didn’t you come home last night? I waited for you to get back and you know that I have to work in the morning. Are you mad at me? Is that why you want me to be tired at work? If I mess up and get fired you’ll have to get another job to support us.” My heart slammed in my chest so hard I couldn’t breathe. I wasn’t awake enough to deal with Colt’s bullshit this early in the morning. “Sorry, the hospital called and they needed all hands on deck, I didn’t get the chance to call you.” The lie came easily to my lips as I looked for a way out of his wrath with minimal consequences. I knew the lie wasn’t good enough to satisfy him so I braced for his yelling. “You seriously couldn’t take two fucking minutes to call? How many times do I have to teach you this lesson?” Colt growled through the receiver. “I’m sorr-” Colt cut me off, not finished with his tirade. “Stop making excuses and just be better! I don’t care that it was busy! Just don’t be busy! How important can a general helper be anyway?!?” He continued getting louder and more aggressive with each passing second. I held the phone away from my ear, not wanting to hear the venom he spewed at me. “Did you listen to what I said? Repeat what I just said back to me!” I held back the frustrated growl and paraphrased what he said and why he was upset, apologizing as best I could, knowing that no matter what I said the outcome would still be the same. “See! You weren’t listening at all! You couldn’t say it word for word. I’m getting sick of teaching you this lesson, why can’t you just pay attention? You’re a terrible person. You should really fix that you know, or everyone is going to hate you.” I numbly apologized once again, just trying to get him to hang up without making him even angrier than he already was. He finally slammed the phone back into its cradle, ending the call as abruptly as it began. I just stood with the phone still in my hand, heart palpitations thudding through my whole body as the adrenaline wore off. Slumping against the wall I stared blankly ahead. My body was screaming by the time I heard my mother finally come home from the hospital, clicking across the kitchen floor. I heaved myself up from the floor, my body groaning and stinging in protest but the smell of tea and toast lured me from my misery.

#original story #trama #potentially triggering #personal #please ignore #i might add more later #i might delete this in the morning

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