#i also drove for four hours before getting to the plane so my back is MAD at me
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youvebeenlivingfictional · 3 months ago
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i just got off of a red eye flight
did not sleep really at all
i am THIRSTY
and all that's keeping me going is the knowledge that i have french toast sticks in my freezer
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mikerickson · 4 months ago
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8/29/2024 - 9/6/2024
If I had a nickel for every time I took a vacation in a small European naval power that historically punched above its weight in global affairs I'd have two nickels, which... ah, you know the rest.
Just got back from a trip to the Netherlands and Belgium that was basically: Amsterdam -> Apeldoorn -> Utrecht -> Den Haag -> Brussels -> Ghent -> Amsterdam. I will now proceed to talk to myself about the highlights below the cut.
Still can't sleep on planes. I even took a sleeping pill and bought a fancy new neck pillow thing to help, but instead I was just exhausted and strangling myself. My dinner also didn't sit well with me, so every time I was about to fall asleep, my gag reflex would trigger and I felt like I was gonna throw up. Seven hours of this was not very relaxing.
Landed at ass o'clock in the morning local time and had 6 hours to kill before hotel check in. I've always read that spending time outdoors in natural sunlight helps regulate your circadian rhythm and can fight jet lag, so I took us to look at some windmills. This was kind of a blur and I'm not certain it made much of a difference because I did end up crashing and taking a nap in the afternoon anyway.
Acknowledging that I am biased about this because I am 1) American and 2) literally a traffic engineer by trade, I simply cannot describe the Netherlands as anything other than "car-hostile". I felt actively unsafe driving around each city we visited because there are so many people on bicycles everywhere, who have right of way. Hell, even as a pedestrian I didn't feel safe because they come at you from every direction and you gotta keep your head on a swivel at all times. In The Hague I watched a woman get knocked into by a cyclist who just shouted over her shoulder "Let op voor fietsen!" ("Watch out for bikes!") and carried on.
Amsterdam ended up being more interesting than I was expecting and now I kinda wish I had dedicated one more day for it in the itinerary. Convenient and easy mass-transit system, some of the best bookstores I've ever been in, and beautiful canals everywhere you look.
Were I forced to describe the geography of the Netherlands, I would have to call it "suspiciously flat." I also got to continue my tradition of traveling to foreign countries, seeing literal hundreds of spinning wind turbines all over the place, and seething with jealousy.
Utrecht was a neat, smaller city with a central canal that I wish I had set aside more time for. Felt like a place where you'd actually want to live more than a touristy city.
The Mauritshuis in The Hague is where Vermeer's Girl with a Pearl Earring is located, and you know that before you even get to that room because she's plastered on 99% of everything for sale in the gift shop right at the entrance.
When we drove over the Netherlands-Belgium border, it started getting overcast. These gray skies hung around for four days, and dissipated as soon as we traveled back north on the final day. All of my memories of this country will now have a gray/de-saturated filter on them.
I know Brussels has a reputation of being a run-down or dangerous city among Europeans, but it just felt like a regular American city to me (specifically like the architecture/street layout of Boston with the political importance of Washington DC). Like, I don't know what to tell you, sometimes cities have visible homeless people, unsightly graffiti, and ethnic minority neighborhoods? It's gonna be okay, I promise. Amsterdam felt like Weenie Hut Jr. by comparison.
Going through the European Parliament building was very cool and very well laid-out and informative. Definitely a personal highlight of the trip for me.
The Belgian War Museum kinda just felt like some rich guy's personal collection of artifacts the public shouldn't have had access to? Not a lot of labels explaining what you're looking at in any language.
Belgian chocolate is fine. Not bad, but I mean it's chocolate, that's hard to screw up, you know?
During my research before this trip I kept seeing a general consensus that Bruges is super touristy and sanitized and feels fake and that Ghent was better for a more "authentically" preserved medieval center. I'm glad I opted to go there instead because it exceeded my expectations. Awesome architecture everywhere you turn, way fewer crowds than I expected, and it still felt lived in by modern people rather than a giant open-air museum.
Literally did not see a single physical Euro at all on this trip. Both of these countries are entirely cashless societies, and everyone (both tourists and locals) used chip readers and contactless payment for damn near every interaction. If anything, I saw tons of "Card Only/No Cash" signs and none of the opposite.
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mjso-soupp · 7 months ago
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Meet me in the South
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(Subaru Sakamaki/American!FemaleReader)
Word Count: 3.5k
Summary: Reader begs Subaru to escape.
Notes: This might just be like the introduction to the story? There’s no major plot points and more of just a feel. Also shoutout to @fangsforiris for creating the beautiful moodboard above!!!
I’ve dreamed since I was four years old
That the house is slowly on fire
And I can’t get you to leave it
—Alice Notley, In the Pines
————————————————————————
The weather back where I lived was blazing and relentless, the sun would cast an unbearable warmth and all I could do was sit inside, sighing while hoping my ride to the pool would be here soon enough. My hair was always frizzy from the humidity and skin burned a bright red, I had also developed white lines running along my back from the overused swimsuit I wore every trip to the pool.
My last memory of being there was of walking down the road to the convenience store with my friend. We grabbed a couple of cokes and sat on the park bench talking about what my life in Japan would be like. She claimed I was the one who had finally gotten out of the old, small town life. When I gave her my last goodbye, I felt the twinge in my heart knowing it would be a while before I could talk to her like this again. With the warmth clinging to us, to our bodies. At the airport the choking feeling just grew, my mama drove me, she was silent the whole way but when we arrived she eventually started talking.
”You’re sweating bullets, have you been wearing the lotion the doctor gave you?”
”Yes, but it doesn’t really work that well. I’ve been applying it more than often.”
“Maybe you aren’t applying it like you’re supposed to, it says on the package counter clockwise—make sure to rub counter clockwise!”
“Mama, it’s okay, I hear where I'm moving to, it's cold anyways.. “
My mom looked at me and gave me a sad smile, the wrinkles on her cheeks made my heart throb, I also wouldn’t be able to see those wrinkles till I came back.
”You’re nervous, aren’t you? It’s going to be okay,”
”Yeah, a little—I'm okay though, It’s gonna go away when I'm settled over there, I hope.”
She squeezed my shoulders and took a deep breath,
”Smell the air one last time, maybe it’ll calm you.”
I took a breath of the air around me, I could smell strong gas leaking from the taxis, freshly cut grass and the yeast smell from the bread factory I would drive past everyday to and from school.
“You’re safe here mama, I feel a bit better though.. I'll be back soon, just gotta finish my studies… When I'm back, I’ll take you to get some ice cream.”
I could see the tears in her eyes form, she pulled me into a tight embrace—It was short but it eased my nerves for the duration of the trip. My mom didn’t like to cry in front of me, but I guess it was one of those times it was acceptable to. I pulled away and gave her one last look,
“I have to go now, I have everything—don't worry, bye mama.” I kissed her on the cheek before reaching for the handle of my suitcase, “Ice cream, mama.” I smiled before walking away to my gate. That was the last time I talked to my mama.
When I arrived in Japan, people stared—a lot. I could feel their eyes judging me, they definitely knew I was an American. Who could blame them though? My appearance didn’t help my case either: My skin was red and tan as opposed to the glossy paleness over here. My hair was also crazy from sleeping on the plane, and I was in pajamas. I struggled to walk in the airport without getting bumped into for more than a couple of seconds, everyone was moving so fast I couldn’t keep up, back home everyone was more relaxed, but there really wasn’t anywhere to go. The drivers refused to take me to the address that apparently was in the middle of nowhere, I bet you they also thought I didn’t have any money. Eventually, an older man agreed to drive me the hour long way, I thanked him profusely and tipped him a generous amount after. I shouldn’t have thanked him, he probably worked for them. I didn’t realize the danger I was stepping into then. I believe that was the last time I was truly happy— I smiled, laughed, and imagined what my life here would be like the entire plane ride. Now, I want to go back to that very moment and tell myself to run—as far as she can and fast.
Introductions were far from conventional: Instead of my host greeting me, a young blonde girl named Yui—who’s eyes were so red I could feel my arms forming goosebumps, welcomed me with open arms. She had this anxious demeanor about her which should’ve alarmed me, and then there they were, all six of the brothers residing in the entry hall. The only one that really stood out to me was the pale, silver haired man in the back who’s face seemed to always be locked in that scowling, annoyed expression—again, with the blazing red eyes.
I attempted to focus on my studies but after the realization they were indeed vampires, it was hard.
Eventually winter break, the relief for everyone in the household had finally arrived—the brothers spent it like normal. Subaru and Ayato were fighting like always, Reiji was still annoyed with Shuu and the triplets wouldn’t give Yui up. No one really bothered me, unless it was to bleed me and I had gotten used to being alone in my room doing whatever I could to keep busy, I took comfort sitting on the alcove in my room, watching the endless amount of flakes fall from the sky. They fell so gracefully—like they were dancing, but I forgot what it felt to be like that. Laying next to the window also reminded me of the time when my friends would fling pebbles at the panes, waking me up earlier then needed on a summer day just to go run off to the community pool, and to get a couple of cokes for the walk back home—I would always forget to bring a towel so my sandals would squeak loudly when I strolled back home on the pavement, in that hot summer town, I dreamt of when I rested my head against the now still, freezing panes.
“You’re always sitting there, looking so helpless.”
It was Subaru, the brother everyone avoided because he was just too aggressive. For being so strong, he sure had soft features: His hair was like a white rose, the cleanest pick from the bouquet, he stood tall and composed, and his eyes were like early picked cherries, not ripe, but still so red and bright. He was hungry. I started to pick up on that glint in their eyes whenever they were hungry: Their eyes normally had that abnormal gloss that stole all reflection from light near, but when they were hungry—all signs of that were gone. Beautiful orbs were dulled and fogged with their lust for blood or just to satisfy their sadistic needs. The first time one of them tried to feed from me, it was him. He was angry I didn’t comply, leading to purple bruises forming around my wrists that ached for days.
“I like sitting here, it's comfortable.”
“Tch, you know what I’m here for, you should hurry up and get over here so I can get this over with,”
He glared at me from the door with his arms crossed waiting for me to come to him, I knew standing my ground wouldn’t help so I just obeyed him. I hesitated but eventually took step after step to meet him, I unbuttoned my shirt down just above my bra.
“It’s no fun when you don’t fight back…” He grabbed my hair in his fist whilst tilting my head to the side. “I’m too thirsty to complain though.” My heart beat would just race whenever he was with me, him. Just him, feeling his tongue travel on my neck would send shivers I hadn’t previously known of. Even to the sound of his fangs digging into my neck, I wasn’t used to being held so closely by someone—much less a man.
“You’re.. enjoying this? Of course you are, I should’ve expected this… Nn…” My knees were beginning to buckle under my weight, my entire body felt numb I couldn’t see straight—or think.
“Subaru—I think that’s enough..” I placed my hand on his shoulder,
“Damn it! Just let me fucking have this,” The grip on my hair became stronger, he was tugging on it with an even greater strength.
“It h-hurts Subaru!” I pushed against him once more causing him to grab both of my arms,
“I won’t let them get to you—from now on you’re mine.” The grip on my hair eventually loosened, my heart was racing and I looked into his eyes, they weren’t back to that abnormal gloss though: His eyes were still foggy but this time with rage— or sadness, I couldn’t tell.
“The fucks that look for? Tsk, I’ll make sure everybody in the house knows that you’re my property now, and you have no say.” Subaru always dragged that sad presence around him no matter where he roamed, sitting alone on the rooftop, when he stared at Yui smiling with Shuu. Right now I didn’t feel that sadness, instead I could feel him shaking from anger, the anger everyone in the house avoided but I had just gotten myself caught into. Causing me to get pinned down on the hardwood flooring of my room, getting bit over and over again that night.
Later, when I had gotten one of those rare moments to speak with Yui, she told me Ayato convinced everyone for a darts game. Shuu had won the prize—Her and all the brothers watched Shuu bite her to mark his territory, including Subaru. Yui told me she saw Subaru storm out the back door when Shuu sank his fangs into her neck. Yui had been claimed by the vampire who could care less about titles, or existing, she was claimed by a dead man—with no lust for life, instead a hatred for the world he was born into.
“He came into my room, I suppose after, and he just… bled me dry that night. It just feels.. Wrong, I feel something is changing.” I paused for a moment,
“He’s always been sweet on you Yui, I hope you notice that.”
Her eyes saddened and lowered her head down to the ground. Her blonde locks shielded her face, she began sniffling quietly. I just placed my hand on her shoulder, hoping that would soothe her. She didn’t ask to be in this situation, nor did I. Yet, she was always so poise, her will never faltered. Whilst I would lay on the bathroom floor sobbing— grieving the life I had, and lost. She was the spitting image of ideal for the brothers and I trailed behind her, collecting the bits and pieces each one of them had broken—hoping to grasp some of her femininity and hope.
“I don’t want any of this..” She spoke quietly, her voice cracking.
And the break ended. When we returned to school, Subaru made a case of being near me at every moment. A fellow male student had made the simple mistake of bumping shoulders with me in the hallway and apologized profusely when he saw Subaru lurking in the back. He also kept count of which brother had taken blood from me that week or day. Yui was officially Shuu’s so she was out of commission, that left me. A new bride was sent to the mansion—except this one wasn’t under protection like Yui. She was like me, patiently waiting to get murdered by one of these bloodthirsty vampires. Shaking in bed at night from every creek the flooring would make, hoping it wasn’t one of the brothers for their feeding, trembling, knowing they could snap your neck with ease—if they even cared enough to do so, they would’ve much rather watched us writhe in agony on the floor then spare us mercy. She fell under the hands of Laito. He filled her head with false promises anyone would have trouble turning from, I didn’t see her again after he had taken full possession of her. Lord knows what happened to that sweet girl, what a shame, she was so beautiful too. I just remember hearing a wailing cry from the balcony a month after, and a quick snap.
I assume Subaru also heard it, he came into my room demanding blood again—I knew why he was upset, he was wondering what would happen if that instead was Yui. He couldn’t run to her of course, asking if she was okay. So he ran to me, the second choice. I felt like I could read his mind when he mumbled those words under his breath,
“Idiot, could’ve been you…”
I had to accept the fact I would never be Yui. She was the one I needed to model after, but could never be. In reality, she was the missing part of the equation while I could be factored right out. If you asked me why Subaru gave me a chance, I couldn’t respond to you. But if you compared us like how I had compared Yui to myself, I would be Yui, and he would be me. Back in town I had a handful of friends, we would always spend time together in the back of someone’s pickup truck, or in the basement of church after sleeping through the sermon. I was out all day and alone at night, and I liked it that way. Meanwhile, Subaru was alone all day. He was the type to stand by, watching us laugh with our tongues blue from the slushies someone had bought for all of us, excluding him. He would scoff and question why we were laughing at a joke only we would understand. Subaru is someone the boys in my group would call a freak, and whisper to us why we should stay away.
That was the conflict between us: He knows how different we are. When he would blow up in my face about how stupid and delusional I was, I would just admire such passion and emotion. The type everyone suppressed—he wouldn’t, he was real in all ways. He picked up on it, I wouldn’t lower my gaze in fear, or disgust. Just keeping eye contact, analyzing all his little quirks and habits. Truly falling for him.
“You have to leave, it’s not safe here—eventually, they will kill you.” His face was sullied with worry, yet another sacrificial bride was sent and this time, she was Reiji’s.
“N-no, I’m not going to leave you here. I want to stay here with you!”
“You’re not listening! You will die. Here, take this.” He pushed the knife into my hands, I couldn’t react—except for just standing with my mouth agape.
“What is this for?”
“To kill me,”
“What?! Why would I do that! No—take this back, I won’t do that.” My heart was shattered, how could such a beautiful person want to end their life—or have someone just end it?
“Come with me, we can leave—I’ll show you a new life.” His face lost all emotion, he just stared at me—he wasn’t expecting that response.
“It’s not that easy.”
————————————————————————
I jolted awake, it took me a couple of seconds to realize just where exactly I was—I fell asleep watching the snowfall from the sky from the alcove again, It was pitch black aside from the moon shining over the view of the white garden, and Subaru’s pale face peering through the window.
“About time you wake up, open the damn window! Before I break it down!”
I stared at him groggily for a second before fully snapping into reality,
“Oh my… Why are you outside my window?”
I crawled to the other side and unlatched the lock, this was the first time he did this—he liked making appearances. He slid the window open, allowing the night chill in,
“Hurry—get in, the cold air is getting in.”
I watched him crawl through the narrow opening and closed it immediately after,
“I have a door…”
I sat back down in my spot across from him, I huddled in the blanket in an attempt to warm myself from the cold.
“It’s easier through the window, besides it’s a full moon.”
Even after a year of living here, I couldn’t adjust to the chilling air and cold corners all around the mansion. I had begun wearing an extra layer of cotton to keep my fingers and feet from falling off.
“Weakling, it’s not even that cold outside, you’re just too dramatic.”
“You’re not human how would you understand?”
His face dropped, he wasn’t expecting that response from me.
“Are you on your fucking period or something? You’ve been acting all different this past week, and I’m sick of it!”
He pulled the blanket away from me, I shivered from the sudden cold air once again and groaned.
“If you were as cold as I am, you would understand.”
I moved closer to him and draped the blanket around the both of us, I felt the cold pane slick with condensation press against my back and dampen my sweater.
“Tch, you didn’t answer my damn question. What’s been up with you?”
I got quiet for a second, I wondered if he thought it through—or if he was up for it.
“Would you ever leave Subaru?”
he was bothered I avoided his question but I needed to get it out of me.
“Tch, not this bullshit again. I already told you, it’s not that easy.”
He went quiet for a moment,
“What a stupid question, why are you still even thinking of this? I don’t know… I don’t have much here to hold onto— But I have nowhere else to go.”
I listened to him mumble, he did that when he was conflicted. I laid my head against his shoulder and sighed, I closed my eyes thinking of my next question.
“But what if you did have somewhere else to go?”
I opened my eyes and looked up at him, he looked down at me confused.
“What do you think… That man would never let me leave.”
I grabbed both his hands and held them, turning to face him fully.
“But imagine if we left! Just took a plane…and never came back? It would work—we could go to America! I k-know where we could stay—“
“No, you’re fucking crazy, we’re not leaving. I mean why would you even wanna leave with me? You had your chance to escape that one night. You were just too much of an idiot to not listen to me.”
I frowned,
“Please, just think about it. None of your brothers would have to know..”
He scowled and turned his head away, he snapped his hands back from mine.
“Who the hell are you to tell me to do stuff?”
He grumbled, I wanted to beg him—on my knees to come with me but I knew he would just scoff and walk away. I figured another way of persuading him would work maybe, quickly getting up, I reached under my alcove and the hidden compartment under. I was scrounging for the box of stuff I had hidden for so long.
“Where is it…? Here.”
I returned to my spot and looked at him.
“What is that…? You're hiding stuff from me now? Give me that.”
He snatched the box from my lap and ripped the lid off. The look on his face changed when he realized what it was, I stared at him intently watching for a reaction.
“It’s photos… of my life back there.”
He reached for the photo of me and my friends swimming, I had my arms propped onto the deck with my sunglasses on, I was smiling with my face red. You could see the white lines from the pattern of another suit. My hair was stringy from the chlorine but that didn’t matter, I was happy. My friends were photobombing in the back of the photo. What a cheesy photo.
“Look at how tan I am, you can see the pattern of my bathing suit—those are my friends.”
“You’re just trying to convince me to. You’ll get tired of me quickly and just leave to fulfill your plan.”
I frowned, he didn't trust the idea—or me even.
“I’m just showing you what it was like, look at how clear the sky is.”
I gestured toward the blue sky, as opposed to the cloudy night sky with specks of ice falling slowly.
I smiled looking at the photo. It was one of those days you couldn’t forget, the heat—It was hot, so hot, and I was awakened in the early morning by those rocks being thrown on my window. I scrambled to get ready but I eventually caught up with them, of course leaving my towel behind.
“You’re crazy, we can’t just… leave.”
“Do you really want to live here for the rest of your life? With your brothers? You’ve never even traveled, Subaru..”
I squeezed his shoulder and stood up, “Atleast think about it.” I left the box on his lap, the next picture facing up was a motel, The Safari Inn.
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captainimprobable · 8 months ago
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Huntlow: "I've got my suit, we have a full tank of gas, and you look beautiful."
(Hope things get easier soon.)
Willow could tell that something was very wrong, because Hunter had been quiet for at least three minutes straight. She loved her boyfriend with everything she had, but, more importantly, she knew him. And after three years of dating, she was quite aware of the fact that Hunter liked to talk. The topic of conversation varied greatly; depending on the hour it could be anything from a one sided debate on the mechanics of the Cosmic Frontier ships to a rant about how gorgeous his girlfriend was. (Willow was rather partial to the second, but she was happy to listen to anything he had to say, really.) So when Hunter went quiet in the living room, she exited the bathroom mildly concerned that he'd passed out at the computer where she'd left him. "Hunter?" she asked as she walked across the room. Hunter didn't respond, but he did turn his chair around to slowly face her with a look of great shame on his face. "I'm so sorry Willow," he said, nervously biting his thumbnail, "I, uh, I kind of fucked up." Willow smiled reassuringly and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I'm sure it's not as bad as you're making it seem, babe."
In addition to being a certified yapper, Hunter also happened to be extremely hard on himself. Hunter flinched. "No, it's actually bad this time," he assured her. "You know those plane tickets we got? The ones for Tuesday?" "The tickets to get to Connecticut?" "Yeah..." Willow started to feel a great sense of unease in the pit of her stomach. "What happened?"
Hunter took a deep breath and then finally blurted it out: "We don't actually have tickets for Tuesday. I'm so sorry." Willow blinked at him, not quite certain she was hearing this right. "What...what do you mean?" "I mean, I just got an email confirming our tickets to Connecticut....for Friday. And yes, before you ask, I looked up literally every single airline in existence for seats on any plane for Tuesday. Or Wednesday, or Thursday, or even Monday." Willow closed her eyes and backed up a few feet until she was sitting on the couch. "Shit. How...?"
Hunter stood up, dawdling in the middle of the room like he wasn't sure whether he was allowed to join Willow on the couch or not. "It's my fault. I was distracted when I bought the tickets back in May, and I must have clicked the wrong day, and now-" "-And now we're going to miss our best friends' wedding," Willow finished.
"I'm so sorry, I feel awful, I didn't do it on purpose, I-"
"I know," Willow said gently, "I don't blame you. It's just...what are we gonna do? Not being there is not an option." "Yeah, I know, which is why I got a kind of....crazy idea." There was suddenly a mischievous glint in Hunter's eye, and in spite of herself and in spite of the situation, Willow found herself smiling. Whatever Hunter was going to say next was sure to be at best helpful and at least entertaining. Hunter smiled back at her, and Willow was not surprised to feel the butterflies in her stomach. Even after all these years, she still felt them all the time. "What if we drove there?" Willow let that sit in the air for a second before saying "As in, road trip across the country? In four days?" "I mean, we've done crazier things, and besides, this is Luz and Amity. I know you'd do anything for them, and I sure as hell would too. So..."
"Hmmm. When would we leave?" Hunter's grin got even bigger. "I was thinking...maybe now?" "Now???" Hunter shrugged. "Why not? I've got my suit, we have a full tank of gas, and you look beautiful." Willow giggled. "What does me looking beautiful have to do with anything?" "Nothing, really, but I've only told you like two times today, which definitely wasn't enough." God, Willow loved this man. "Okay." "Okay?" Willow stood up and stretched before walking over to her boyfriend and giving him a kiss. "Let's do this," she said, "Think you can handle being stuck in a car with me for four days?" Hunter snorted. "As if being stuck with you for four days isn't, like, the best thing that could ever possibly happen to me? Come on, Willow, you know me better than that." Willow laughed again and got on her tiptoes to ruffle Hunter's hair. "I love you," she said, as if he didn't know, as if she could ever, in any universe, pretend she was anything other than deeply in love with him. "I love you too," he said, "Now let's get our butts to Connecticut." ~ (I CANNOT THANK YOU FOR THIS ENOUGH ANON! This is the first time I've been able to write in MONTHS, ty ty ty!!! <3)
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absolutely-olivegarden · 9 months ago
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GHGRGHGRHRGHGRHGRHRGHRGHRGRGRHRGRHGHRGRRHRHRGRHRGRHRGHR
Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.
"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was... Draco Malfoy!
"What's up Draco?" I asked.
"Nothing." he said shyly.
But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.
My mother drove me to the airport with the windows rolled down. It was seventy-five degrees in Phoenix, the sky a perfect, cloudless blue. I was wearing my favorite shirt — sleeveless, white eyelet lace; I was wearing it as a farewell gesture. My carry-on item was a parka.
In the Olympic Peninsula of northwest Washington State, a small town named Forks exists under a near-constant cover of clouds. It rains on this inconsequential town more than any other place in the United States of America. It was from this town and its gloomy, omnipresent shade that my mother escaped with me when I was only a few months old. It was in this town that I'd been compelled to spend a month every summer until I was fourteen. That was the year I finally put my foot down; these past three summers, my dad, Charlie, vacationed with me in California for two weeks instead.
It was to Forks that I now exiled myself— an action that I took with great horror. I detested Forks.
I loved Phoenix. I loved the sun and the blistering heat. I loved the vigorous, sprawling city.
"Bella," my mom said to me — the last of a thousand times — before I got on the plane. "You don't have to do this."
My mom looks like me, except with short hair and laugh lines. I felt a spasm of panic as I stared at her wide, childlike eyes. How could I leave my loving, erratic, harebrained mother to fend for herself? Of course she had Phil now, so the bills would probably get paid, there would be food in the refrigerator, gas in her car, and someone to call when she got lost, but still…
"I want to go," I lied. I'd always been a bad liar, but I'd been saying this lie so frequently lately that it sounded almost convincing now.
"Tell Charlie I said hi."
"I will."
"I'll see you soon," she insisted. "You can come home whenever you want — I'll come right back as soon as you need me."
But I could see the sacrifice in her eyes behind the promise.
"Don't worry about me," I urged. "It'll be great. I love you, Mom."
She hugged me tightly for a minute, and then I got on the plane, and she was gone. It's a four-hour flight from Phoenix to Seattle, another hour in a small plane up to Port Angeles, and then an hour drive back down to Forks. Flying doesn't bother me; the hour in the car with Charlie, though, I was a little worried about.
Charlie had really been fairly nice about the whole thing. He seemed genuinely pleased that I was coming to live with him for the first time with any degree of permanence. He'd already gotten me registered for high school and was going to help me get a car.
But it was sure to be awkward with Charlie. Neither of us was what anyone would call verbose, and I didn't know what there was to say regardless. I knew he was more than a little confused by my decision — like my mother before me, I hadn't made a secret of my distaste for Forks.
When I landed in Port Angeles, it was raining. I didn't see it as an omen — just unavoidable. I'd already said my goodbyes to the sun.
Charlie was waiting for me with the cruiser. This I was expecting, too. Charlie is Police Chief Swan to the good people of Forks. My primary motivation behind buying a car, despite the scarcity of my funds, was that I refused to be driven around town in a car with red and blue lights on top. Nothing slows down traffic like a cop.
Charlie gave me an awkward, one-armed hug when I stumbled my way off the plane.
"It's good to see you, Bells," he said, smiling as he automatically caught and steadied me. "You haven't changed much. How's Renée?"
"Mom's fine. It's good to see you, too, Dad." I wasn't allowed to call him Charlie to his face. I had only a few bags. Most of my Arizona clothes were too permeable for Washington. My mom and I had pooled our resources to supplement my winter wardrobe, but it was still scanty. It all fit easily into the trunk of the cruiser.
"I found a good car for you, really cheap," he announced when we were strapped in.
"What kind of car?" I was suspicious of the way he said "good car for you" as opposed to just "good car."
"Well, it's a truck actually, a Chevy."
"Where did you find it?"
"Do you remember Billy Black down at La Push?" La Push is the tiny Indian reservation on the coast.
"No."
"He used to go fishing with us during the summer," Charlie prompted.
That would explain why I didn't remember him. I do a good job of blocking painful, unnecessary things from my memory.
"He's in a wheelchair now," Charlie continued when I didn't respond, "so he can't drive anymore, and he offered to sell me his truck cheap."
"What year is it?" I could see from his change of expression that this was the question he was hoping I wouldn't ask.
"Well, Billy's done a lot of work on the engine — it's only a few years old, really."
I hoped he didn't think so little of me as to believe I would give up that easily. "When did he buy it?"
"He bought it in 1984, I think."
"Did he buy it new?"
"Well, no. I think it was new in the early sixties — or late fifties at the earliest," he admitted sheepishly.
"Ch — Dad, I don't really know anything about cars. I wouldn't be able to fix it if anything went wrong, and I couldn't afford a mechanic…"
"Really, Bella, the thing runs great. They don't build them like that anymore."
The thing, I thought to myself… it had possibilities — as a nickname, at the very least.
"How cheap is cheap?" After all, that was the part I couldn't compromise on.
"Well, honey, I kind of already bought it for you. As a homecoming gift." Charlie peeked sideways at me with a hopeful expression.
Wow. Free.
"You didn't need to do that, Dad. I was going to buy myself a car."
"I don't mind. I want you to be happy here." He was looking ahead at the road when he said this. Charlie wasn't comfortable with expressing his emotions out loud. I inherited that from him. So I was looking straight ahead as I responded.
"That's really nice, Dad. Thanks. I really appreciate it." No need to add that my being happy in Forks is an impossibility. He didn't need to suffer along with me. And I never looked a free truck in the mouth —or engine.
"Well, now, you're welcome," he mumbled, embarrassed by my thanks.
We exchanged a few more comments on the weather, which was wet, and that was pretty much it for Conversation. We stared out the windows in silence.
It was beautiful, of course; I couldn't deny that. Everything was green: the trees, their trunks covered with moss, their branches hanging with a canopy of it, the ground covered with ferns. Even the air filtered down greenly through the leaves. It was too green — an alien planet.
Eventually we made it to Charlie's. He still lived in the small, two-bedroom house that he'd bought withGHZGGRRGHRHGRHRGRHGGRRHRGHRGRGHGRGHRGRH
I don’t even know how to respond
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holidayvisa · 1 year ago
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"Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Cairns anymore" - Dorothy
20 December 2023
I can't take credit for that. My dad (Mom, if this was actually you, please let me know, and I'll give appropriate credit) thought of it.
I walked to the Cairns public library, where there's free wifi. Do you know what there isn't at the Cairns library? Spaces where you don't have to be quiet. I went to the library because I needed wifi to log onto a group call with some of my DUUC friends from Wheaton/Naperville, Catherine, Braeden, Lizzy, Charlie, and Nathan. We had planned on playing Dungeons and Dragons together, but the wifi at my hostel was still out. It'd been three days or maybe even four days that we had no wifi. So I went to the library hoping to find wifi and a not-so-quiet place where I could log onto this group call. We played D&D for just over an hour when some library patron approached me and asked me to be quiet. I apologized, and I attended the rest of the D&D session by listening into the call, and typing all my messages into a group chat that everyone could read. It was still very fun, even though I couldn't speak for a lot of it.
We finished up that D&D session at 3pm my time (11pm for my friends in Chicago time), at which point I walked back to my hostel and packed up my things. I caught an uber with two Danish travellers who also happened to have a flight out of Cairns around the same time I did. At the airport, I was horrified to find that I hadn't purchased the right weight of checked bags, and I had to pay an absurd amount of money to check my bags. Whoops. To get onto the plane, they had us walk outside on the tarmac, which is always fun. The flight was bumpy. I never get nervous during flights. Like ever. But I got nervous on this one. There was one point where the pilot threw the plane into a different gear, pointed the nose straight up and gave us at least four Gs, then dove down and gave us zero Gs. During this weightlessness, sandals, cell phones, and water bottles started floating around the cabin. Someone turned on just the emergency exit lights. That's right, all the lights were out, except for the emergency exit lights. Finally, we leveled out, all the water bottles, cell phones, and sandals that were floating during the weightlessness fell back down to where they were resting before. And then we descended to a smooth landing at Sydney.
I took a train and then a bus to Dee Why to visit Marie and Daniel Vavich. They picked me up from the bus stop and drove me back to their home. It's wonderful to be with family.
I'm grateful for friends back in Chicago that love me and want to play D&D with me even when I'm on the other side of the world. I'm grateful for Marie and Daniel for welcoming me into their home and hugging me.
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nebulousneuroticism · 8 days ago
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Okay I'm back from my trip. Can't sleep right now due to jet lag, so I guess I'll write about it instead. Very very long post, turn back now, ye have been warned.
We left two nights before christmas, about two weeks ago. My grandfather drove in in the morning to join us, so we were a party of four: me, my grandfather, and my parents. We got to the airport way too early and ended up sitting around, killing time for about three hours before we got on the plane.
The flight there was pretty miserable, a seven-hour overnighter. I tried to sleep but couldn't; the flight was bumpy enough to make me feel a little ill, and they never turned off the cabin lights, so I just spent the time in an unhappy purgatory.
When we finally landed, the sun was rising on christmas eve. We made our way to my sister's house. I was miserably tired, of course, but I did my best to stay awake. Later in the evening, we even all went out to the city center, where there was a street music charity event going on. The street was decorated with lights and packed full of people standing in a mob so close you could barely move, everyone hoping to see some famous singer or another. I was far too tired, but it was a memorable scene.
We finally made it back home not long after and crashed. My sister's house is a lovely little row house--this was my first time seeing it--but it is quite small, and so I was required to sleep on the living room sofa. It was comfortable enough, but the lack of any privacy was difficult for me.
The next day was Christmas. It was quite a pleasant day, although the jet lag made me tired and irritable. We stayed in all day and had our usual traditions, beginning with a gift exchange. I received mostly what I expected: steam gift cards, a subscription to the new york times (which I had not requested but knew was coming because my mom had asked me about it earlier), a book from my sister. We had some nice meals that day, too, and my sister poured wine liberally.
The following day was also pretty quiet, as we slowly recovered from jet lag. I had (or tried to have) a nap each afternoon because I was so tired, but I often couldn't sleep. In the evening of that day, we went out for dinner to a delicious indian restaurant; afterward, my mom became very enamored with the idea of going out for a pint of beer at a pub, but I vetoed that idea because I was so tired, and so we went back home and I went to sleep while the rest of the family sat outside around a bonfire.
That was our last night at my sister's place; my parents, grandfather and I then moved to a rental nearby so that the other family (the inlaws-to-be) could stay at my sister's place. The rental was much more spacious, and I did get a bedroom with a door; however, it was one of those trendy sliding barn doors with frosted glass looking out onto the kitchen and blocking neither light nor sound, so it was still by far the worst room of the lot.
The next five days were spent doing tourist stuff and relaxing. We didn't do much, honestly, because my grandfather, who is ninety years old, is struggling with arthritis in his hip and can't walk very far. So I was bored much of the time. Let me think of some highlights from those days.
In terms of tourist stuff, we visited a small museum one day, which was interesting, followed by lunch at a pub. On another day, we took a tour bus around the city and then toured a distillery, which would have been a fairly generic experience except that the founder of the company happened to be there and he had some interesting things to say beyond the usual tourist spiel.
I had one day where I got a tiny bit of gaming time in on my steam deck--otherwise, I didn't get a chance to game much on this trip because I was either too tired or required to be social instead. In fact, I missed most of the steam sale, only just managing to log in and get the one game I was sure I wanted, Metaphor: ReFantazio. I've played a few hours now, and it's quite good, although I'm barely out of the intro yet. Hoping to get some more time in this week.
As time went on, more and more of the wedding party arrived in town. We hosted my aunt and uncle for dinner after they arrived. One night, we had a big dinner at my sister's house with all the family members combined, a total of twelve guests and two hosts--quite a large group for that small space. And on new year's eve, everyone went out to a nearby bar. That was a hard night for me: we arrived five hours before midnight, the place was incredibly loud, most people were strangers to me, and there was nothing to do but drink and talk.
In fact, that sums up much of the trip: drinking and talking, drinking and talking, loud rooms where you had to shout to be heard. It was very difficult for me as a rather soft-spoken person who enjoys neither drinking nor talking. I toughed it out, but I was very much a wallflower.
Anyway. On new year's day, we took a four-hour bus ride to the wedding venue, which was an extremely nice hotel in a scenic area. The bus ride was pleasant enough--I got to sit and quietly listen to music--but the rest of the night involved (you guessed it) drinking and talking in a very loud room. At least I was afforded the luxury of a private room for these few days.
The next day was the wedding, the culmination of so much stress and planning. It was a lovely ceremony in the early afternoon, neither too long nor too short. Things seemed to go smoothly. The reception and dinner dragged a bit, for me, as the hours stretched out, but the service and the food and the music were impeccable. One nice touch I noticed was that the hotel staff had arranged wedding photos of the newlyweds' ancestors around the venue--parents, grandparents, and even, I think, one great-grandparent.
That evening ended, of course, with drinking and talking in a loud hotel barroom, and I made my exit around ten pm. I was very tired. My schedule on that trip had settled into a roughly normal-person schedule of waking around eight am and sleeping before midnight; but somehow, every night, I was the tiredest person in the room.
The next day, we took a scenic tour in the area nearby. There were many cool sights I wished I could have explored with more time and freedom, but we were tied to a bus schedule and got no more than a cursory glance at each site. And then, two days of travel commenced: a bus back to the city, then one night in a hotel (where I roomed with my grandfather), and then, yesterday, a long plane ride back across the ocean.
And now, here I am, awake at four am after just a few hours of fitful sleep. I've been getting sick for a few days, I fear. No surprise, given the long trip and the fact that my dad was sick last week. It makes it hard to sleep, though, since my nose is all stuffed up.
I feel, emotionally, completely exhausted. Worn out. I wish I were home in my little apartment, isolated, safe and alone for as long as I want to be, but I'm here at my parents' house for another five days. I had hoped to use this time to see my friends, but that cute girl wasn't willing/able to take more than one day off of work and decided it wasn't worth it. Hopefully I can see my best friend, at least. If not, I'll look pretty foolish with the bottle of whiskey I brought home for him as a gift.
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joshuasearing · 3 months ago
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Sunday 27th October 2024
Hi journal so the rest of work was very stressful. I also had near the end of my shift someone be very rude to me. Basically we were waiting on one of he’s burgers but the rest of he’s order was waiting next to me and he was moaning about how he’s fries are going to be cold, which I understood he’s point to a certain degree but it was how he spoke to me which was not acceptable. He spoke to me like I was worthless and something that had no emotion. I work at McDonald’s but I am still a human being with feelings and emotions, and I hate when people treat me like I don’t. Like he could have spoke to me in a well better way than he did. But he just to be an absolute dick with no regards of my emotions or how I feel. All he cared about was he’s mouth and what was going in it. Pissed me right off. Anyways after work I got myself some food from Tescos. I got myself a meal deal and a Ben and Jerry’s cookie dough ice cream. Once I got home I ate all of this whilst watching peaky blinders. Then nearing the end of my food, my mum asked if I got myself some food from the shops, then reminded me that she had left overs of pizza I could have had instead of buying food. She did let me know a few hours prior when I was at work, but I fully forgot due to the immense stress I have been put under at work. Anyways after eating my food I paid for stupidly I had a quick shower and got ready for be ex then went back to watching more peaky blinders. Then after this I watched so YouTube and also had 3 slices of that spare leftover pizza.
Now for this morning I was up at 5ish I am writing this at the moment on the plane so that’s why I was up so early. Once I was up I was doing the final things before leaving and getting ready. Then we drove to the airport, went through all of security. Then after this we all went for breakfast. I had 4 pancakes with maple syrup, 2 hash browns, two sausages, some bacon, two fried eggs and also this raspberry lemonade drink. Then after this we went looking round some shops for a bit before we went on our flight. I got myself this book I’ve been looking at online for a little bit but it was in WHSmiths, so I bought it, I got this book “the courage to be disliked”. After this we went to where we wait to board our flight.
Now for the flight. The flight was very boring but we got through it. Whilst on the flight I wrote in my book journal, had a little rest time, watched another peaky blinders episode, did some word searches and that’s about it. Then once we got off the plane we got are suitcases and done everything very quickly. Then we got stuck very badly when it came to getting are coach to get to the villa. Basically when we got there, there was only one seat left on the coach and obviously we are a famo of four, so we had to wait like an hour and bit for another one to arrive. Then when finally getting on the coach me and my dad had a massive argument in front of everyone on the coach and I would rather not go into the nitty gritty of it, but if I am honest it has properly killed my mood right now for this holiday. All I want to do right now is escape and go home on my own and just sit in my room. I’m currently in the coach. And I don’t want to be here. Anyways hopefully it gets better, see you later journal, bye!
Photos so far from today! ⬇️⬇️⬇️
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tjsplace · 6 months ago
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california - los angeles
it's the eighth day of this california trip. trying to remember each day (i'm kinda high by the way, sitting on the bed next to my mom who's watching bridgerton):
july 21 - 22
airport at midnight. A family friend drove my mom and my sister and me. i wasn't able to smoke for more than fifteen hours. i almost had an anxiety attack on the plane because of it. my mom told me to hug myself. i did and somehow it calmed me down. thank you for that. also i had totally forgotten to take my meds in the morning, between the flights. we landed in panamá and it was time to board the other plane. we landed at 5pm in lax, beautiful gigantic airport. we couldn't find the rental car, so we had to take a shuttle. amazing. we had issues with the credit cards but my mom managed to sort it out. driving to the tuscan garden inn in dtla, i remember being excited. also kinda shocked to see so many homeless people. i didn't think the housing situation was this bad. my mom hated the inn i'd booked, but she liked the room so it was alright. we went to an ihop and i put my first sticker on the wall outside, next to the entrance. i think it looked good. i was nervous because my mom asked what if they arrest you? i hated her for putting that thought in my head. my sister was being super antisocial and grumpy, as usual.
july 23
tuesday. four hours ahead and i never felt jetlagged. maybe because i slept on the plane. like shit, but at least i slept. what did we do? we went to the Hollywood walk of fame, which was way bigger than i'd thought. also they weren't columns on the same street, they were one big single file of mostly old iconic stars, like judy gartland or frank sinatra. but also random but cool people like the jonas brothers. my favorites were fleetwood mac, obviously, and rupaul, also obviously. my mom had to get a sim card because she didn't get any signal. my sister had bought one the day before. i waited for my phone company to give me the free international roaming plan they'd promised. and it worked. we went to the dolby theater and bought stuff in victoria secret, which was way cheaper than it is back in chile. we took a tour of the chinese theater and it was super cool. we also went to the madame tussaud's museum. the wax figures were impressive. i liked meryl streep, harry styles, katherine hepburn and many more. we had korean bbq for dinner. ***my sister told me to include the waiter she fell in love with and also have her getting married to him in the end lmfao
july 24
wednesday. disneyland. oh my god. we drove the whole way to annaheim just to have me break down a little in tomorrowland. it really sucked because i was excited to hop on the games. but as soon as we got to the park, i started feeling super uncomfortable. too many people. smoking wasn't allowed. i was really fucking anxious and i hated everything about it. it was ugly and shit was expensive. i ended up crying and going back to the inn. my mom got mad, of course. my sister too. but then they understood me and said i could go have an la day by myself, but i had to go pick them up. of course. it was the least i could do. and so i went back to the inn. took a shower and washed my hair. i got on tinder, hoping to get a date for lunch. i'd only spoken to that guy and some other guy and both were very direct. do you wanna hook up? are we gonna kiss before or after lunch? they were flirty and it was fun but also i didn't feel comfortable or safe enough to meet them. of course. another country, another set of rules. maybe. i didn't get lunch because the only place within a walking distance was a mexican one that didn't seem like they had good food. so i crossed the street and bought a pre-rolled joint. because marihuana is legal here and it's the best thing that's ever happened to me. even though my mom fucking hates it. later, i went to inglewood and stopped to get fries at a jack in the box. i took pictures of the dunes, which is way issa and lawrence lived in hbo's insecure. it's one of my favorite shows of all time. my phone didn't connect to the car so i was listening to the hits radio. so much pop music. some of them great, others just alright. i drove all the way to west hollywood to get to an ulta beauty store and buy the makeup i wanted. again, cheaper than chile. i got about-face and af94 products. i love them so much. did i do something else? oh right. i got chips at whole foods and went back to the inn. i ate most of them, drank one beer and got high while talking to mar, my beautiful tumblr friend. i waited for my eyes to go back to their original color and i took a thirty-minute nap. drove back to annaheim and had dinner with my mom and sister. they didn't seem mad at me and that relieved me. i still wanna pay my sister back for the ticket i didn't use. i will, i just need more time to gather money. i hate to say i don't have a steady income. or an earned income at all. i started to worry about getting a job or doing something, but i decided it was best to be in the present and enjoy our california trip.
july 25
thursday. what did we do? the most random thing ever. we went to silverlake, which i loved, because i'd found an open mic in a coffee shop. it turned out to be a stand-up comedy open mic. no one had a guitar, which sucked because i really wanted to play. but i wasn't gonna pass on the opportunity to sing something in front of californians. so i sang acapella the title song of my ep. i made the audience of fifteen people clap their hands for the duration of the whole song. about four and a half minutes. they followed along and i also commented on stuff while i performed. they found it charming i guess. one of the hosts said i was funny and talented, which was such an amazing compliment coming from someone from silverlake, one of the coolest neighborhoods in la. my sister went up too, it was a bit cringe but it was also fun. i hadn't realized how much she loves to be the center of attention. does that represent our upbringing? maybe. okay, so then we went to griffith park and the griffith park observatory. it was so fucking amazing to be there. i got a bit anxious when i found out smoking wasn't allowed in the park. but i smoked one cigarette anyway, hiding in some corner at the observatory. i loved seeing all the space stuff. sun and moons and stars. the hike there was intense for my mom, but she made it and i love that. i think going to the gym back home kind of trained me for this trip. there was no way i could've walked up such a long and steep hill if i didn't exercise at least once a week. we went back to the inn and went out shopping to ross and marshalls. then we had dinner in west hollywood. i had a margherite pizza. so good. i think this was the first day me and my sister started getting high and playing cards before bed.
july 26
friday. morning breakfast burrito at the beachwood café. amazing. we checked out of the tuscan inn and drove my sister to a dance class. we went through laurel canyon drive and i absolutely loved it. such big gorgeous houses. nature. it was really cool. then i drove my mom to the lacma museums and i went to four recording studios, hoping to get a tour or something. westlake recording studios didn't let me in, but the guy was super nice. he gave me a bottle of alkaline water and i gave him a bunch of stickers and business cards. amazing. i went to eastwest studios. they didn't let me in either. sunset sound, no luck. henson recording studios, no luck either. but it's fine. maybe i wasn't meant to go inside and meet people without being absolutely ready. i also went to a guitar center, such a cool place. i bought bass strings. then i picked my mom up, my sister, and we drove away from la. leaving was so sad but i knew it couldn't last forever. we slept at an airbnb in oak view. my sister and i played carioca on the patio. it was so dark and the decks were different colors, black and white, so it was really hard to distinguish each card. especially because it was late at night and there weren't any lights. so she put her phone's flashlight on the table. we were so fucking high we couldn't stop laughing. it was great.
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gayforbauladies · 6 months ago
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Nothing To Everything
Ch. 4 Three Little Dots
Word Count: 6743
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We walked into the round room and sat down. Emily was the first to talk before any of the guys could.
"We were supposed to be off, do not judge. We had to initiate Izzy into girls night." 
JJ then added, “Also didn't hurt that Izzy is friends with the owners of Mike's bar so we got all of our drink for half price all night. I don't even remember how we got to Penelope's." 
"Wait... does anyone remember how we got to Penelope's? Because I do not either." I chimed in, but then my phone buzzed from a text. 
Mike: I have all of the car keys for whoever drove to the bar. I put you all in an Uber to the colorful girl's house since you all insisted you didn't want girls night to end. You had four of those alcohol bowls all different flavors so I can only imagine how you guys are feeling. Drink lots of water. Will return all of  the keys and cars the next time you all come here and are fit to drive home. It was a blast seeing you drunk. 
"Mike got us an Uber apparently, and has all of our car keys." With that all the males started laughing, even Hotch let a smile slip onto his face before banishing it quickly. Hotch started presenting the case as JJ wasn't able to look it over beforehand. 
"We are heading to Montana. A small town in the woods have seen multiple abductions. The unsub takes the person from the center of town, keeps them for three days, then returns them right outside of the police precinct. When they are returned they do not remember what has happened to them, cannot describe the unsub and has a tattoo that they can't remember how they got. The wifi and service is spotty at best so Garcia you are coming with. Wheels up in 30." 
Thankfully I do not recognize any part of this case, but it does seem familiar. I head to my desk and grab my go bag to change my clothes. Apparently all of us had the same idea because when I opened the women's bathroom door everyone else was already in there getting changed. 
"I think we should get an award for being this hungover and still being able to work." JJ said with a chuckle as she finished getting dressed. We all laughed and nodded our heads. 
"Does anyone remember what happened? I'm too afraid to text Mike back and ask if I did or said anything embarrassing." I asked in hopes that no one else remembered. They all shook their heads which made me calm down a little. "Is every girls night that crazy?" I asked curiously. 
"Not in the slightest." Tara replied with a laugh. At this point we all looked like professional women again so we headed out to the SUVs to go to the airstrip. The men had already left so we all piled in to one SUV and headed out. JJ drove while Penelope was in the passenger seat leaving Tara, Emily and me in the backseat. All I could focus on was how close Emily was to me. She had caught me staring at her way too often since starting so I forced myself to look out the window. Still though, her scent filled my nose and it was so comforting. She smells like wood smoke and a touch of perfume. She smells like perfection. 
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We arrived in Montana and everyone piled into SUVs to head into the town. It was a two hour drive from the airport, thankfully all of the women took naps on the plane. Somehow it ended up that all the women were in one SUV again driving to the town in the same positions as before. I was getting motion sick so I lead my head against the car door and tried to sleep to pass the time. 
I woke up when JJ was pulling the car into the precinct parking lot. I had shifted in my sleep and was laying on Emily's shoulder cuddling her arm. I released her and lifted my head with a blush. I looked at Emily and she was smiling at me. We got out of the car and it felt nice to stretch my legs. I looked around and it was as if the town was only two blocks big each direction and shaped like one big square with a park in the middle. It was a beautiful town. 
We entered the police precinct and it was tiny. I counted 5 desks and one office labeled "sheriff." Small town crimes like this are bittersweet. There is less places to hide, but the unsub most likely has lived here majority of their life meaning they know everywhere in town and the surrounding woods to hide. 
"You guys must be the FBI. I am Sheriff Smith." We all shook hands with the Sheriff and introduced ourselves. "Clearly, there is not much space in here for you to set up everything, but the mayor has allowed us to use a meeting room in the town hall as your base for however long you need to catch this person." He shuffled to the door and led us to the building next to the precinct. He walked in and then brought us into a meeting room with everything we said we needed. Based on his cycle he should be releasing someone tomorrow and we were going to be set up around the precinct to try and catch them. 
The sheriff left and Hotch turned to everyone. "Everyone group or pair off and start exploring the town. If we are going to catch this unsub we are going to need to be familiar with the town layout. Also go out around the woods while it is still daylight but make sure you are ensuring you know your way back. Penelope, start setting up your gear." Everyone nodded and headed outside. JJ, Tara, Emily and I joined together. 
"We should start in the woods since that is most likely where he is keeping them for the three days." JJ said then started walking towards the woods.
"Wait, stay right here a minute." I ran off into the closest convenience store and quickly came back with alphabet stickers and tape. The three of them looked at me like I was insane for buying them. "You put the alphabet stickers on the trees and tape them to ensure they stay on the tree. This way we can go where we want and don't have to worry about getting lost. It's like Hansel and Gretal using breadcrumbs, but these will stay where we put them and then on the way back we can take them off the trees so we don't give away were we have been. Also, the cardinal rule of exploring nature, leave it as good or better than you found it." They accepted that answer and we started walking. 
After a few minutes Emily started hanging back with me when I was marking the trees with the stickers. 
"Where'd you learn this?" She sounded impressed. 
"When I was a girl, an older man named Frank took me and my mom under his wing and acted like my grandpa when he saw how we lived. He was well off and had woods behind his house. He made me my own hideout cabin that I had complete control of. I was able to decide who could come in and when, he let me design and decorate it, it is one of my prized possessions. Even when he moved into a bigger house, he paid for the cabin to be moved to his new property and I still use it since I live with my mom still. It's very deep in the woods so he made signs on trees with a knife and taught me how to read them so I could always find my hideout, but it wasn't obvious. I was also known to just run away to the woods when I wanted to be alone so instead of yelling at me, he gave me rules when I had to come back and made sure I had ways to know how to get back." I smiled at all the memories and mentally noted to text Frank to see when he would be in his Virginia house next. He had houses all over the world which has been a dream of mine and he made me hideouts in each and every one of them. When I looked at Emily she was smiling at me and we just kept walking. Gosh, I could look at her smile all day and not get bored. 
After a few hours we turned around to go back into town. Penelope had finished setting her gear up and wanted to join us when we did our town adventure. Something felt odd when we got closer to the town, like someone was watching us. 
"Does anyone else feel that?" I whispered to the others in case the person was close. They all shook their heads no. I subtly looked around and found the person. They were hiding in between trees, but very much so watching us. It was a young adult, I would guess male and wearing all black. I looked at their face trying to imprint it to my memory and remembered their location markers. We don't have reliable communication with the rest of the team so I can't do anything now. 
"Walk faster. We are being watched in the woods with no reliable communication." With that everyone subtly increased their pace and we headed straight to find Hotch once we reached the town. 
We found Hotch in the meeting room setting up the board. Spencer was setting up his geographical profile of the town and surrounding woods. I grabbed a pen and shoved him aside. 
"Move before I forget this location." I marked the place on the map where I saw the person and turned to Hotch. "While we were walking back I saw a person watching us. They were trying to hide between trees and were wearing all black. It might have been nothing but I don't know, they gave off a bad vibe, like they were making sure we weren't going to walk that way." 
Hotch nodded while Spencer went back to the map pouting. 
"Sorry, Spencer, I needed to make sure I didn't forget the location. I'm not as used to these woods as I am back in Virginia." I did what I could do put everything back to how it was before I barged in. 
"Izzy is really knowledgeable at tracking in the woods. She bought stickers and tape so we could mark our path on trees so we wouldn't get lost coming back into town, but also not destroy the trees. It was pretty cool. She even put the alphabet in order so we knew how far we were." Emily seemed truly impressed with my skills which made me blush. I headed outside to try and hide it, plus it was hot in the meeting room. JJ and Tara were using the bathroom so we were waiting for them to come out. Penelope sat down beside me on the bench that I had decided to sit on. 
She handed me the cell phone hooked up to her signal. "Are you straight?" Penelope asked looking at me and my jaw visibly dropped. "I figure we are good enough friends now that I can just come out and ask." 
I tried to hide my laughter. "No, I am not straight. I am bisexual. Maybe next time ease into that question thought, Pen." I lost it and started cackling. "What made that come to your mind?"
"The way you sometimes act with Emily. I can't tell if you two are flirting or if you would act the same way with friends." 
"I'll be honest with you Penelope, sometimes I don't know with Emily either. The way I act with her and how she acts with me. Let's drop this conversation in case she comes out though, until we are alone with no way she can hear ok?" 
Penelope nodded and I laid my head on her shoulder while both of us just watched the sun set and the people walking in town. Just by watching the town you never would of thought that an unsub was lurking somewhere picking out who they were going to take tomorrow. We stayed like that until the others came out. 
"We have decided we are walking around to find food." JJ announced when they came out of the building. 
"I've seen a lot of locals go into that diner across the square. It seems like the popular place to get food. We can tell the others we are getting dinner there." 
"I just sent them a message, let's go!" Penelope jumped up and dragged me up with her. I laughed as we started walking towards the diner. I think I've laughed more since meeting Penelope than I have in a while. We got to the diner and one of the waitresses said to seat ourselves. I pulled them to the corner booth that would fit all of us, it also gave us a good view of everyone else in the diner. Soon the rest of the crew came and sat down with us. It was almost like a family meal. We ate, talked and just enjoyed each other's company. 
"Ok, we have a big day tomorrow. The sheriff said we have rooms at the inn in town. There isn't enough for everyone to have their own though. They all have two queen sized beds and a pullout." Hotch said and dropped keys on the table. 
I looked at the females, "we all slept in the living room of Penelope's apartment so we can all share one room, we would most likely all end up in one room anyway." The girls nodded and all the men took their own key with a shrug. 
Hotch looked at us with his stern face, "you are all adults, but let me remind you we have work to do so don't stay up too late." He made a point of looking at all the females. We all bursted in laughter. 
"Come on ladies, let's go explore the town." JJ said while getting up and the rest of us followed her. 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After a few hours of going into every store of the town and talking to the people we headed to the inn. The room was a decent size, but not by any means big. We all put our bags down and claimed a bed. Penelope and JJ one bed, Tara and Emily took the other bed and I claimed the pullout couch. I flopped on the couch and just stared at the ceiling. I couldn't get that person watching us out of my mind, something didn't feel right. It was like my subconscious knew who they were, but my conscious didn't. Was this a town Frank brought me to? I don't remember, but he did take me along to some business trips that were one time things. I might as well text him to try and see. 
Me: Long time no talk, I miss you. I haven't seen you since I told you I got the BAU job. When will you be in Virginia next?
Me: Question, did you ever take me to a small town in Montana when I was a teenager?
I don't know if he would get those since I sent them on my normal phone, but it was worth a try. I decide to get changed into my pjs. 
"Izzy, I thought you said none of the case was familiar!?" Emily startled me, but they all were staring at my lower back.
"None of it is, what are talking about?" I was beyond confused now. 
"Izzy... you have the tattoo the unsub gives..." Emily said softly and brought me to the mirror. There it was, the three dots in shape of a triangle. If you didn't look closely, it would look like freckles. 
Frank: I did, once, when you were seventeen. We went for an extended weekend. You hung out with a boy for the first day, even slept at his house that night. I tried to get you to come back into town, but you said you had been drinking so I just let you stay there since he lived deep in the woods. That's all I know, though. You did send a picture of you both, I'll send it once I find it.
Frank: *one attachment* 
My face went white. I was the unsub's first victim and I had no clue. 
"Izzy... are you ok?" Emily came closer to me and put her hand on my shoulder. 
"I have to go talk to Hotch." I walked out of the room and down the hall to Hotch's room and banged on the door. 
"Izzy, what are you doing out in the hallway, banging on my door in your underwear?" I had completely forgotten I was getting changed when this information came to light. 
I turned around and pointed to where the tattoo was, "I was patient zero and didn't now until Emily pointed out the tattoo when I was changing. He tattooed me a place I wouldn't see and any other person thought it was freckles. I don't remember it, how don't I remember it?" I started sobbing in the hallway. Emily came out of the girls's room and covered me with a robe from the inn. In between sobs I told them what Frank had told me and showed them the picture. 
"There's nothing we can do tonight." Hotch looked at Emily. "Get her to bed and make sure all the windows are locked. If Ricci was his first victim, he probably was watching her earlier, not all of you." Emily nodded and led me to the room again. 
"Why do all of the cases involve me?" I didn't mean to say it out loud, but I did. When I imagined being in the BAU, I imagined hunting other people's demons, not my own. 
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I woke up and could tell I was crying all night. I saw Tara on the pullout couch and realized I had slept in one of the beds last night. Emily had one arm wrapped around me like she fell asleep comforting me. JJ and Penelope were in the other bed still fast asleep. I looked at the clock and it showed 7:08am. I might as well get up and get ready before everyone is trying to use the bathroom. I know it is going to take a while to cover up the evidence of me crying all night. I check my phone and see a message from Frank.
Frank: I just saw the news on the Montana abductions... and that the FBI is there. I'm guessing that includes you? 
I grabbed my phone and headed into the empty lobby of the inn. I clicked on Frank's number to call him. 
"How are you holding up, Little G?" I smiled at Frank's nickname for me. Little G, as in Little Gideon. 
"I cried all night, but now I gotta boss up and catch this little bitch. He was watching me yesterday when I was exploring the woods with the rest of the BAU ladies. He seemed familiar, but I didn't know why, that was the reason I texted you to ask." 
"You're the best person to be catching that son of a bitch. How are you liking the job?" Just hearing his voice made me feel stronger.
"I would love for the cases to stop involving my past, but other than that I love it. I'm just waiting for a case where I am at the starting line with the rest of my team." I chuckled a little. "Well, I got to get ready for the day, thanks for answering my call."
"I will always answer your call, night or day. Go catch the bad guy." We hung up and I headed back to the room to get ready. If Frank saw the case on the news then we have to work fast. 
I got out of the shower and got dressed. I started doing my makeup at the desk vanity when I heard Emily wake up with a gasp and it sounded like she was hitting the bed. Oh my god. She was looking for me.
"I'm right here Em. I'm right here." I turned around so she could see my face. Once she realized I was ok I could see the panic start to leave her face. 
"Don't do that to me. I thought the unsub took you!" She relaxed on the bed and looked at the time. It was now 8:15am and we had to meet at the precinct at 9am. "Oh my god, Everyone wake up! We have to be at the precinct in 45 minutes!" Emily jumped out of bed and into the bathroom. I laughed at how everyone else groaned like a zombie, realized what Emily said and also jumped out of bed to start getting ready. At 8:45am everyone was dressed and was now doing makeup and hair in various locations. I was sitting on the couch that was now a couch again waiting. All of the phones that Penelope gave us buzzed with a message. 
Hotch: Under no circumstances is Izzy to be alone. Preferably two other people are with her at all times. 
I read it out loud to everyone and sighed. I closed my eyes and tried to remember what happened that night. Nothing came to mind so I opened my eyes to find Emily looking at me. 
"It'll be ok. We'll give you a cognitive interview to try and pull the memories out." She gave me a reassuring smile as the rest of the crew filed together to start walking to the precinct. In the inn lobby we found Spencer, Derek and Luke waiting for us. Penelope grabbed my hand as we headed out of the inn. 
"If they want to get to you, they gotta get through all of us before one of us handcuffs them." I smiled at Penelope while everyone else let out a chuckle. We entered the precinct to find Hotch, my dad and Rossi waiting for us. My dad came over and gave me a hug which shocked me. 
"I called your mom to get advice on how to handle this situation as a father and she said you like hugs." He said it with no emotion somehow and I realized where I got my emotional detachment from. Everything my mom says has emotions. Penelope squealed and before I knew it I was getting a bear hug from her. I let out a small laugh and turned in her arms to give her a proper hug. 
"Let's head over to the meeting room." Hotch returned our attention to the task at hand. Once we stepped outside, I felt eyes on me. I grabbed the closest hand I could. I just needed to know that if I was about to be taken there would be a fight by more than just me. I didn't realize I had grabbed Hotch's hand until he whispered to me. 
"Do you see him?" His voice was so soft, it was like when he told me he was coming to check on me my first day.
"I can sense his eyes on me." My voice was so quiet I wasn't even sure Hotch had heard me. He didn't let go of my hand until we were in the meeting room. 
"Rossi, Gideon, Morgan go look in the town for the guy. He was just watching Ricci. Go to the coffee stand outside so it looks like we aren't on to him. Penelope, start running the face recognition on the photo."  Hotch was back to his normal boss personality. 
The three dots on my lower back felt like they were burning, I was hyperaware of their permanent fixture on my body now. I looked at the whiteboard and saw the photo Frank sent me wasn't hanging up. I went around to the other side of the board and found the picture with some notes. I sat down and stared at the picture willing any memory to come to me. My thoughts kept going back to the fact that this was my second case in the BAU and so far I had ties to both of them. Pretty soon it is going to raise some red flags. I mentally blocked those thoughts and stared at the photo. I focused on the white noise of the heating and cooling system and the rest of the team talking. Soon I felt a lull fall over myself and I was transported to what I thought was a dream I had had when I was younger. 
 -Flashback-
"C'mon smile for the camera!"�� I couldn't feel my body. I couldn't move. I saw a flash that must have been the camera and then the picture printing. It must have been a polaroid camera. I couldn't move my head to look at him. I felt the breeze on every piece of my body, I was naked. My view was as if I was standing, but I couldn't feel the floor. I went to go talk, but nothing came out. 
-Present- 
"RILEY!" I was pulled out of the memory and everyone was looking at me. "His name is Riley. He paralyzed me. He strapped me to some kind of contraption that held me upright, but he could get to anywhere on my body. I was naked, I felt the cold in every part of my body. I would say I was underground, but I'm not a hundred percent sure. He takes pictures with a polaroid, or at least he did to me. My mind was intact, it was as if I was just a floating head. I must've been strapped in to make sure I didn't fall or get away. I couldn't even turn my head." I said that so fast to make sure I didn't forget anything. "I thought it was a nightmare, a recurring nightmare I had for years afterwards. I would wake up screaming, not remembering what I was afraid of." They all looked at me like I hate being looked at. Like I was fragile, like I was going to break at any point. "All of you stop lookin at me like that. Now." To my disbelief, everyone besides Penelope did stop, they put their profiler mask back on. Penelope, however, came running to me and brought me in to a big hug, almost knocking over the chair I was sitting in. 
"We are going to catch this monster so no one else has to go through that. We also know his name!" Penelope was of course optimistic as always, but it did make me smile. She hurried back to her computer to put the name in the parameters. The team was taking turns patrolling the town to try and see when he abducts someone. 
I walked over to Hotch who was sitting at one end of the room by himself. I sat down next to him and spoke quietly, "he may not take someone else. He may be waiting to take me again." It was a terrifying thought, but it was probably correct. "He knows I am in town, he knows I'm FBI. He still thinks I don't remember. I am the ultimate challenge for him." Hotch stayed quiet for a second before stopping what he was doing and turning to look at me. 
"I know what you're thinking and no, we are not using you as bait, not until we exhaust every other single strategy. I am not putting you through that again if we don't have to. You don't remember everything and I am hoping you never have to, but if we use you as bait it may come back." He went back to work as if he didn't just display an emotion. I may be new, but I know that is rare. 
"I should at least go pretend to patrol with the others. He won't show himself if I don't go out and he'll start to suspect my memory coming back if I'm not acting normally. I am the only one except Penelope who has gone patrolling." 
Hotch nodded in agreement, "ok, you have a point. You'll go out after lunch." I got up and went to go sit by Penelope. I laid my head on her shoulder and she patted my head. Soon the rest of the team rolled back into the meeting room. None of them saw anything, as I expected. Everyone was hungry so as a group we went to the diner for lunch. Since we were in public we couldn't talk about the case as much. It was a nice break. 
After we ordered I felt his eyes on me. I felt my body start to tense before I willed myself to relax. I was sitting next to Emily and quickly grabbed her hand, tightly. She looked at our hands for a split second, then to my face. I pretended nothing had changed so I wouldn't tip him off. After multiple tries I caught Hotch's eye. I let the panic show in my eyes for a split second then masked it again. I caught movement in my peripheral vision and scooted closer to Emily. My heart was going a mile a minute as if it remembered everything he once did to me. Emily squeezed my hand and I looked at her to see her already looking at me. I vaguely heard Hotch say he would be back and get up. Before I knew it I was sucked into another memory
-Flashback-
"What can I get started for you two?" I sat opposite of Riley at the local diner. I smiled at the waitress, "I'll have a water and a cheeseburger with fries please." The waitress was pretty, I looked at her name plate, Heather. Riley ordered, but didn't look up or say please. Once we ordered Riley excused himself to the bathroom. Heather brought us our drinks and  bent down to my ear, "he is not someone you should be alone with. If you ever want one of us to intervene and say the guy you came to town with said you had to meet with him now look at us then put your hair up in a pony tail."  She left just as fast as she came. Why would she say I shouldn't be alone with Riley? 
-Present-
I snapped back to reality and looked around the diner. Emily is watching me and nods understanding I was remembering a memory. Heather was young when I first came to town, she might still work at the diner. Hotch is still looking for Riley as he slowly comes back from wherever he went. I look at each waitress's name tag until I see one go behind the counter. There's no mistaking it is Heather. She sees me as I see her. She smiles then walks to our waitress and says something then starts walking over to our table. I take my phone out and open the notes app. I type out "we know he is watching me, but don't know where he is" and wait for Heather to come over.  
"Hi, can I get you anything?" Heather smiles at me. I push the phone so she can view it. 
"A refill would be amazing, diet coke please. And can all of our meals be changed for to go?" She nods and takes my cup while I lock my phone. I make eye contact with Hotch and then nod towards Heather slightly hoping he gets my message. I watch her walk to another table on the opposite side of the diner with a pitcher of water. She starts filling the cup of a white man, probably in his mid 30s. Suddenly she tips over the glass onto his lap and he jumps up. 
"Fuck! You can't even fucking pour water you low life!" I know that voice, my subconscious knows that scream. I pull Emily up by the hand and motion for Derek to come with me and speed walk out of the diner with my dad behind us. I don't stop until we are in the meeting room. 
"My subconscious knows that voice. He yells when he tortures." I sat down and started looking at what Penelope had found on him. We needed concrete evidence to be able to arrest him. I don't think we would get what we needed until we found his torture location. I hope he wont try and take Heather. I turn to my dad, "we need to protect Heather, the waitress. He may go after her for spilling the water on him. In my memory I had at the diner Heather tried to warn me about him and gave me an escape plan." He nodded and messaged Hotch I'm guessing. I turned back to Penelope's work. We have his home address, but it is one on the outskirt of town he shares with his parents. 
I turn to Penelope's computer and start doing my own research. 
Rossi walks in and sees what I'm doing. "Penelope is not going to like you messing around on her computer." 
"She'll have to forgive me if I find stuff on the unsub." I don't lift my eyes from the computer. He's smart, he wouldn't send torture supplies to a house his parents live in. He must send them to the torture location since there's no PO boxes in the town. I code so I can find the sites no one else can, the ones where if you have enough money you can get anything. I am so focused in what I'm doing I don't even notice the others return from the diner. 
"I found it! I found his torture location! It is near where I saw him." They all looked at me like I was insane. Penelope came over to see as if she didn't believe me.
"I have been working on finding this address the whole time since we learned his name, how did you find it in less than an hour?" I can't tell if she was annoyed or in awe, maybe a mixture of both. She hadn't looked up from my computer work either.
"I was done with us not having a lead that could get us an arrest now that we know what he looked like. I have decent computer skills so I decided I would take a look. I figured he wouldn't want his parents asking questions about shipments, so he would have to ship his supplies right to the torture cabin since there are also no local PO boxes. I then decided to focus on the tattoo stuff. Ink needs to be new to be used so I figured when he started up again he would need new ink and maybe some other supplies. So I went on typical sites you buy those tools. I hacked into their cloud and searched through orders until I found one sent to around here with some type of Riley alias." Penelope was still looking over my work muttering to herself while everyone else was looking at me like I had three heads. 
"Looks like you have some competition PG!" Derek said through a laugh. 
"So... are we gonna go over to the address or...?" I nudged them a little to get this case over with. I started to move where we had put our FBI vests and the others followed. Soon we were in the SUVs driving to the location. We got to the location and saw a small cabin that looked run down. Vines were growing on the cabin, bushes were overgrown and there was a broken down truck parked outside. We heard music coming from inside the cabin, loud music. Hotch gave us directions and we started entering the cabin from all angles. Once we got in the smell of cigarettes, beer and stale blood filled my nose. The music stopped and we looked around. Hotch asked in the ear pieces if that was any of us. I heard all the groups say no and all of us tensed. He was here, with us. 
"Welcome back Isabella!" I somehow tensed even more. "Here's how this is going to go, Isabella is going to come downstairs, alone. We'll talk then we'll see how it goes from there. You have the place surrounded and there is only one exit/entry to the basement so I can't escape." Hotch looked at me and I made sure I had my bravest face on. He nodded and I started towards the door still death gripping my gun. I left the door open while I headed down the steps. I heard Hotch moving people to make sure we had eyes on every single location around the cabin. I stepped down and saw the place of my nightmares. I saw the contraption that held me upright, I saw the straps, I even saw the tattoo gun. Riley was sitting in a chair facing the stairs to the right of the contraption. 
"Hello, Isabella." He had such a darkness to his tone. I kept my gun pointed at his chest. 
"What do you want?" I was over his games. 
"I want you to scream my name like you did when you were seventeen." I kept my face neutral despite how much I wanted to throw up. 
"I'm never going to scream your name again. I'm happy I don't remember doing it in the first place." He stood up while looking at me up and down. 
"Stop right there, come any closer and I'll shoot." I didn't want to be in arms reach of him. 
"You know, the high I got when I knew I got away with what I did to you was the best. I started abducting more people to chase that high. I didn't realize I got away with it until you woke up and smiled at me with that seductive smile of yours. Damn, I almost never let you leave my bed that morning. Especially when I got a glimpse of the three dots I tattooed on you." 
"Is there a point to this story, or are you just stalling? Because I do not need a trip down memory lane." It was so hard not to throw up and keep a neutral face. I recognized he was pulling out a gun a second before it was too late. I fired my gun and felt something hit me. I got propelled back and heard my team running down the stairs. I was on the floor to the right of the steps and my vision was starting to blur either from tears or pain. I reached for my arm and felt blood. His bullet grazed my arm, my bullet went through his heart. 
Emily was in front of me, "Are you ok? Oh my god you got shot."
"I'm ok, it just grazed me." I got up to my feet. "Please take me out of this basement and cabin." She led me upstairs and out towards the SUV. Before she could lead me to the ambulance I quickly made a turn towards an overgrown bush and threw up. I threw up all of my stomach contents and some more. Emily pulled my hair back out of my face and rubbed my back. Once I felt like I wasn't going to vomit anymore I let her lead me to the ambulance. The paramedic looked at my arm and decided I just needed to get it bandaged and didn't have to go to the hospital since the closest one was an hour away. My arm got bandaged and I was told to see my doctor for follow up care when we got back to Virginia. Emily brought me to one of the SUVs and climbed in behind me. I laid my head on her shoulder just needing to know she was there. We stayed like that until it was time to go to the airstrip. 
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mykastory · 7 months ago
Text
Dating apps suck.
I finally matched with a guy who seemed okay.
He was a strong Christian, Korean American, and a year older than me.
One of his photos was at a place that I had also been, so once we matched, I (uncharacteristically) 먼저 말 걸었어 asking if it was where I thought it was.
Turned out it was, and we ended up chatting for quite some time.
He lived in the same area for much longer than me and offered to be my tour guide.
I had my reservations about him but he sent me his license to prove his age and also his naturalization certificate to show me where he was - on two different days, far enough apart for me not to be suspicious.
With his positive, upbeat attitude and sincere, thoughtful questions, it finally got to a point where I felt a little comfortable with giving him my number.
I was deciding when to let him know that he had worn down my defenses when I suddenly had to go back to Korea because of my father.
Ever since going back to Korea, my dad hadn’t been feeling well. Eventually he 입원했어 and after about 3 weeks, in the span of a week, they found he had a cerebral aneurysm which progressed to hydrocephalus, and then a cyst which turned out to be a tumor and then suddenly spread throughout the brain at a speed that the doctors had never seen before.
My sister had been recording what the doctors said to them so that I could explain it to them in a way that they understood, and once I understood the gravity of the situation, I was torn between whether to go for his funeral or to go now to teach mom and my sis how to take care of him before he passed. I decided the latter made more sense because the funeral is for other people whereas if I went now, it would be for his care which is why I became a nurse in the first place. I booked my ticket and was getting ready, when…
I woke up one morning to a bunch of missed calls and texts from my mom, sis, and BIL.
Got in touch with my sis and she tells me to get on the next plane because my dad took a turn for the worst - his O2 demand kept increasing and making him unstable.
“Oh, and btw… 큰아빠 just passed away too…”
He had recently broken his hip and was in the hospital waiting surgery when a fat embolism hit and he had an MI. He had also been crying for weeks since my dad was hospitalized, “동생을 어떻게 먼저 보내~”
I drove down to my BIL’s house to grab my dad’s favorite suit and got on the next plane to Korea, praying that he would wait for me before he passed.
Luckily I got to Korea in time. I was able to clean up his body and make him feel comfortable before he took his last breath, just four hours after I got there, and two days after his big brother had gone first to pave the way.
I’m so grateful that I was there to be able to take care of things - contacting his friends, funeral arrangements, 삼일장, embalmment, burial… One bit of silver lining is that I was able to redeem myself to a lot of people who thought I was a 깍쟁이 brat! Seeing how well I handled everything and took care of things by myself (“like the son mom and dad never had”) made people see me in a different light. I feel like I got my redemption and that everyone finally sees me for who I really am, which is one of the reasons why I became a nurse. Mission success! Thank you, God.
RIP daddy, I miss you and love you so much. Thank you for everything. You gave up everything for us. I will never forget that and will do everything in my power to honor you and your wishes.
So… during this dark time, I was surprised to see J reach out to me.
When I left, I had texted him from my phone (he had given me his number a while ago but I never had a given him mine), telling him that the tour would have to wait as I had to go to Korea all of a sudden because my dad took a turn for the worst (he knew that he was sick in the hospital and that I was planning on going).
He had some very kind words, and then a few weeks later, sent me a sermon that he thought I might like, followed by a CCM song about a week later.
I was touched by his consistency and contacted him when I got back.
After numerous deep conversations via text and phone, I agreed to meet him for a date.
Against my better judgment, I let him pick me up at my place. My friends pointed out that since I was moving soon, it would be okay.
He came by with a bottle of wine and cake.
“Is this your way of inviting yourself over after our dinner and movie?”
His bday had just passed and he found out that my bday was not too long ago, either, so he said it was “solely for me to enjoy.”
Sure buddy.
We had an early dinner at a cute Italian place near my house and then went to a cafe for coffee/tea.
Great conversation but after an hour with another hour to go before the movie started, I got antsy so we decided to hot box in his car lol
Bad idea. I guess I forgot how paranoid I get when I smoke.
I started to freak out, wondering what would happen if he tried to use his strength against me.
But there’s something I should tell you about him before that.
He confided to me a week or so before we met that he suffered from moyamoya disease and had had a stroke which left his left hand and foot paralyzed.
He said he could walk fine but could only text with his right hand.
It threw me off but I came to terms and was fine with it.
When he picked me up, I noticed him limping but he also said he had hurt his knee so maybe that was it, but then everywhere we went, he would only park in the handicap spot, leading me to believe that the limp was his baseline and not a result of the recent knee pain.
Surely, I could take on a hemiplegic?
Also, side note. Ever since we ate, he had this black piece of something - I’m guessing a spice - stuck in his teeth. I wanted to tell him but I’m really bad at bringing that kind of stuff up. I just let it bother me and ruin my whole image of that person. I know, it’s horrible.
So anyway, up until this point, I was evaluating whether I would be able to handle his hemiplegia and leaning positive because we really clicked emotionally. He checked a lot of my other boxes that were more important, like being a strong Christian and being vocal about how much he cares for and appreciates me. But you know how when you smoke, 사람 내면이 나와? Well, the 내면 of his that I saw wasn’t great. He kinda did a 180 and wasn’t as nice as before and only seemed interested in making out when I was trying to tell him a story.
Since I’m skeeved out by how fast he turned creepy and not really feeling it, I figure I’ll experiment. Let’s not tell him about that thing stuck in his teeth and see how he reacts to it when he gets home and finds out he had that in there all night. Will he be confident enough to brush it off, tell me, and laugh about it? Or will he just be embarrassed and never talk to me again? Or will he pretend like it never happened? Or will he never know that it was there cuz he brushes his teeth as soon as he gets home? Lol
We watched a movie (which he changed last minute -_-), during which he kept trying to kiss me but I tried to stay focused on the screen.
Afterwards, he drove me home and we were sitting in the car - him trying to find some way to get me to let him up and me trying to say goodbye.
I let him have a little fun with me - it never gets old hearing a guy gush about how hot your body is :p - but despite my trying to keep it PG-13 and saying no to his advances, he kept trying to push me further. Honestly, I was a liiiiiiiiitle bit tempted cuz it’s been a long time and I was super horny. But I didn’t want him to think that he could buy his way into my house with a cheap bottle of wine and cake from Publix. Puh-lease. I have more self respect than that.
I started to get annoyed and told him to cool it - and he would, only to try again five mins later.
At some point I got tired of hearing his begging and said goodbye and got out of the car.
He called me after I walked inside and he got back on the road, but he kept saying how he wanted to turn back around and to let him in.
After about a bajillion no’s and 하지마’s, I hung up on him.
He usually sends me a song to wake up to with a good morning text, but there was none the next day.
Just a few casual texts here and there, usually only lasting one or two exchanges.
Is it embarrassment from finding out he had that spice stuck in his teeth?
Did he lose interest cuz I didn’t sleep with him on the first date? Although he did say how endearing he found that I was so “shy” despite our racy texts.
Does he think I rejected him cuz of his hemiplegia?
근데… 안물안궁 ㅋㅋㅋ
The dark side I saw of him is enough to make me lose interest so it doesn’t really matter.
What I do know is that I was able to hold my own.
I used to be afraid to be vocal or disagree or push back against the grain, but apparently, not anymore. I was able to voice how I feel and advocate for myself.
I think it must be from nursing. Ever since I started nursing and learned to advocate for my patient, I feel like that made it easier to advocate for myself.
I was also able to resist physical temptation. Old me would’ve given in to the sexual tension and brought him upstairs, but I knew that the physical connection would strengthen our emotional connection and I didn’t trust him enough to let that happen yet. I tried to explain this to him multiple times but he didn’t seem to understand. *shrug
As bad as it makes me feel, I’m kind of glad that I don’t have to deal with the burden of… him.
I miss the connection we shared, because I really thought he might be the one, but the small bits that he showed me of his dark side were real eye openers. I think you always gotta trust your gut instinct.
I don’t know if i still believe him to be out there…
The original, hopeful part of me does,
but the old, jaded side of me wonders if the reason why I always cried at weddings was because I knew I would never get one…
No… that’s not true… I don’t believe that.
I believe I will find love.
That was the other thing.
The reason why I thought he might be the one is because I met him after I started praying 배우자 기도.
이번은 아니었지만 it was also a great opportunity to help me learn more about myself in a relationship.
Paving the way towards the final one?
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ikura-wa-ikura · 9 months ago
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We made it to Japan! And it wasn’t that bad for 10 hours! I got butter chicken dinner on the plane (😍), made a decent dent in my book, Thomas worked and before we knew it we had landed.
[Thomas note: we had a whole four seat row to our self. The plane was nearly empty. Meaghan could even fully lay down.]
I had the pleasure of figuring out a robot toilet at the airport and it was too cool. Love me a heated seat and cool breeze.
Customs was snappy and we caught a cab to our Airbnb. It was a nice cheat after all of our travel. We drove through a tunnel that is 11.3 miles long! There are lots of cool cars here. So many compacts and little trucks, all driving on the wrong side of the road! Also you can’t go more than a block without seeing a vending machine selling drinks. We stopped by 7-11 for some after flights snacks. If you didn’t know, Japan is famous for their 7-11s with fantastic food. I got an egg sandwich and Thomas grabbed a bunch of onigiris and everything was fantastic.
Japan has some cool features for blind folks. All the sidewalks and crosswalks are equipped with tactile tenji blocks, which are raised parts of the sidewalk that help folks using white canes follow the sidewalk safely. Neat! See below-
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Our Airbnb is small and cute and we’re sleeping on traditional tatami mats. After we cleaned ourselves up and rested a bit, it was time to hit the town!
We went to the Golden Gai district, an area known for its winding alleys and 4 seater bars. After meandering a bit, we settled into a whiskey bar and made friends with the couple next to us- Nick and Nicole. They’re on their honeymoon and from Seattle :) we ended up hanging with them the rest of the night. This place was super pricey- Toki was double the cost it is at home, so after a drink we skedaddled.
Next we went to Psy Bar — a metal bar. Meaghan learned that people can smoke inside here. It was great! Then we tried to go to Deathmatch In Hell but it was packed. Instead we found a second floor bar and took up nearly every seat. It was cute and way more affordable than the previous place.
Finally everyone was hungry and we had missed our dinner reservations so we found a little KBBQ-esce place nearby. It turned out to be amazing. We were grilling wagyu as fast as we could eat it. Eventually we had to call it and we walked our way back to the BNB and slept.
Jet lag is a bitch so we were both up at 4am 🙄 but Thomas did get us onigiris from 7-11 so any hangover I could have had has vanished. Today we’re gonna check out a museum and hopefully pet some capybaras!
Sayonara ✌️
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moonieshinesims · 11 months ago
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Generation One - Chapter Thirty Four
It's finally time for River to make her way to Mt. Komorebi. How will the flight be? Will she be able to find Damien when she arrives at the station? And then what happens? She was frightened… but she couldn't let anybody see it… She was on multiple missions and would have to keep her head straight!
*And please let's ignore that River's luggage changes colors 3 times in this post... I clearly wasn't paying any attention lol*
River's family drove her to the airport the night of her flight. She was antsy the whole car ride over.
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Bee caught the last thing her younger, stranger daughter said. It struck a nerve with her, given things that had happened to River in the past, but she wasn't sure she heard her correctly.
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Mercy smirked and rolled her eyes. "Smooth."
They went into the airport and looked at the boarding time of River's flight. She had about an hour, so she decided to buy her family a coffee before she left.
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She knew she didn't have to buy them coffees, she was still under the impression that she might not ever see them again. She wanted to have one last nice moment with her family before leaving, especially when she didn't know if she'd ever see them again.
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They sat around for about 45 minutes, talking and joking, until the announcement was made that River's flight was leaving.
They made their way to the front desk so River could hand over her ticket and check her luggage in the scanner.
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"You better give us hugs first!" Bee sounded so upset, although she was trying to hide it. River told her cousin Logan goodbye, and then gave her mom and sister hugs.
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Bee was doing alright at keeping it together, but only because she didn't want to stress River out.
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Mercy on the other hand whispered something into River's ear. Underneath that joking, mischievous personality, Mercy was also worried that River wouldn't make it back home...
"I'll be careful guys, and I'll keep in contact!" They said their final goodbyes, then River finally turned to leave her family behind.
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River's luggage was taken on the little cart to the part of the airplane where all the bags were stored. She joined a short line of people getting onto the plane.
When she finally entered the aircraft, she was a little overwhelmed.
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She didn't have an assigned seat, and wasn't sure where would be best to sit.
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There were only a couple of seats that were left empty. The one with the most leg room was in between a bored looking woman with her face stuck in her phone, and a nervous looking older man. She realized that was the exit row, but perhaps, since she would be on the plane for over 10 hours, it would be best to sit there.
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Somehow she was able to sleep through most of the flight and was only awakened when the landing announcement was made.
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The nervous man was gone, probably in the bathroom, and the other girl was still looking at something on her phone. Either way, River was glad that they were about to get off the plane. She wasn't sure, if she'd been awake, if she actually liked flying.
Once everyone was ushered off the plane and were able to obtain their luggage, River found herself outside. Damien's messages from days earlier had said he would meet her on the walkway above the trains.
It took River a moment to see next to the airport where he was talking about. The entire town was quiet as River pulled her luggage along behind her across a small yard, towards the train station.
When she made it up to the walkway, she took a look around at her surroundings.
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Again, it was so quiet that River felt eerie.
Suddenly, down the walkway, someone began calling River's name in Simlish.
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*please ignore that the last name on this sign is NOT River's last name in Simlish... I forgot what I was writing and put another one of my OC's last name on the sign!!*
River turned around and saw that it was Damien holding a sign with her name on it.
"Damien! I was wondering where you were."
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"But I actually can't wait to go to wherever I'm staying and get into a real bed."
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River then followed Damien down the walkway towards the parking lot. Again, even though she slept a lot, it wasn't good sleep, and she was too tired to be excited or nervous.
When she woke up the next morning she would put energy into being excited.
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sebinwhite · 2 years ago
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Sebastian Vettel: "Can I still do my job?"
Article link: https://www.zeit.de/2022/36/sebastian-vettel-formel-1-familie-klimaschutz/seite-3
Translation via deepl
Sebastian Vettel: You know, when I was sitting here in this motorhome waiting for you, I had to laugh for a moment.
DIE ZEIT: Because we're over an hour late? We're sorry about that. It wasn't easy to get to you here in the paddock at Spa.
Vettel: No, because I had to think of the ZEIT articles from earlier years that are lying around our house. At my place, the newspapers pile up into towers. I find it interesting to read how people, events and developments were assessed in the past. I thought that if others felt the same way, then I could preserve my farewell a little longer.
ZEIT: Are you afraid of being forgotten?
Vettel: Not at the moment. Before a race like the one here in Belgium, a day is very well planned. On a Thursday before a Grand Prix, there are press conferences, appointments with sponsors and meetings with my team. We practice the start, and in between we drivers walk the track.
ZEIT: On foot? After 15 years in Formula 1, don't you know the track in your sleep?
Vettel: On foot, of course. It's only eight kilometers. It would be fatal to believe that I don't have to prepare in the same way as I did when I was 20.
ZEIT: You are a four-time world champion, have won 53 races, and drove for Ferrari, among others. At the end of July this year, you announced the end of your career with the words: "I love this sport. It has been at the center of my life for as long as I can remember. But there is my life on the track and my life off the track. Being a race car driver has never been my only identity." Has anything already changed in your life since it was announced that the time of your final stints has come? Vettel: I feel more relaxed, yes, freer, because I carried the decision around with me for a very long time. Sometimes I thought it felt right to leave, then it felt wrong again. So it circled back and forth in my head for a long time.
ZEIT: What triggered the thought about leaving?
Vettel: Something like that happens gradually over many years. My job as a Formula 1 driver is very intense. I came to the realization that I could no longer manage 100 percent of my time the way I expected to.
ZEIT: 14th place in the current drivers' standings isn't enough for you to fall asleep satisfied?
Vettel: No. Perhaps I could become even more efficient in my planning. But for some time now two different worlds have been colliding: sporting ambition, which has always been my greatest drive, and at the same time I want to be there for the family. For the children. I'm finding it increasingly difficult to combine the two. This is noticeable in little things, when it becomes an effort to get out of the house and get on a plane. When I'm finally on the road, I forget everything and come home in the flow of the race. Then I have to get used to it again. And if the kids then also say, "Stay here, don't go!" the next time, it becomes even more difficult.
ZEIT: You could point out that one result of your work is a large garden.
Vettel: In that case, the time we spend together is worth more to me than the garden. If I could solve my problem by doing without the garden and being at home more instead, that would be great. But being a Formula 1 driver just isn't possible. Of course, the truth also includes the fact that I'm no longer driving at the front of the field.
ZEIT: It's not enough to say, now more than ever?
Vettel: No, unfortunately not. And it doesn't help to tell myself that there's nothing greater than setting up a Formula 1 race car correctly.
ZEIT: When did you start having doubts? Vettel: I became aware of it two years ago. When things weren't going well at all here at Aston Martin, I asked myself: Can I still do my job? As a professional, you don't talk about things like that; somehow it seems to be frowned upon. But what if it was? Personal weakness and thoughts about it are part of performance and success. At least for this realization, the past two years were worth their weight in gold for me. But it started when my children were born, I just didn't reflect on it that way back then. I don't mean that in a negative way, but since then a part of my life no longer belongs to me, but to my children.
ZEIT: Do you find it difficult to go beyond your limits in a profession that is dangerous?
Vettel: Yes, it does. But that doesn't mean I want to be some kind of helicopter father in the future. I don't have to look after my children every minute, and that shouldn't be my only task in life either. But as a father, I feel the drive to do everything in the sense that the children grow up to be a better version of both of us. Of my wife and of me.
ZEIT: You get old early as a Formula 1 driver.
Vettel: There's probably something to that. I didn't think about that until 2013, when everything was going perfectly. Things kept going up. The first setback came in 2014. My expectations were higher than the possibilities. The cars were different to drive, automatic components took many decisions away from the driver, I didn't like that. At that time, we had no chance against Mercedes at Red Bull. ZEIT: In 2015, you switched to Ferrari. Did things get better again there?
Vettel: Yes, the new job spurred me on. My role model was always Michael Schumacher. I thought of his world championship titles with "the Reds." The enthusiasm lasted until 2018, when I came close to success for the second time, and then the hoped-for improvement failed to materialize at the end. 2019 was sobering because our car with its chassis wasn't good enough for a strong engine. At the same time, my children were starting to grow up. That sharpened my focus on what else was happening, how much our environment was changing.
ZEIT: Every season, Formula 1 travels around the world with a huge team of engineers, mechanics and equipment. And in the process, it burns vast amounts of gasoline and kerosene, not to mention the cars in the races ...
Vettel: ... I've been able to travel to so many countries over a long period of time that you have to be very naïve not to see how dramatic the political grievances are elsewhere and how irresponsible the handling of the climate is. I'm not an expert on foreign policy or environmental issues, and I don't want to pretend that I understand everything. But recognizing that there must be something wrong with seeing more palm trees and palm oil plantations in Malaysia from year to year is no great feat. At some point, I began to feel ashamed of the fact that my work was helping to pollute the environment. And at least not being able to stop it.
ZEIT: With today's awareness, you should have stopped immediately.
Vettel: I won't be able to change this development on my own. I don't plant trees full-time, but I burn gasoline to do what I love and have fun doing it. I understand when people say: What right does he have to say that flights within Germany are bullshit?
ZEIT: How did you travel to Belgium?
Vettel: Not by plane.
ZEIT: But rather?
Vettel: With a small family bus that I drive myself. I keep the expense as low as possible. Sometimes I also travel by train.
ZEIT: That's commendable, but forgoing a private jet doesn't really inspire sympathy.
Vettel: Of course I know that. I'm not looking for sympathy, but to explain what makes me tick. Self-promotion is abhorrent to me, and unfortunately it's even more pronounced among drivers today than it used to be.
ZEIT: Do you feel too old for that, too?
Vettel: I'm happy for the others to be able to enjoy it, but I'm really glad to have grown up in a time when pictures of oneself were rather embarrassing.
ZEIT: When you announced the end of your career, you said that being a racing driver was only part of your identity. When your passion is gone, what meaning will you see in your life besides being a family man?
Vettel: I'm still much younger than the average retiree. That's probably the biggest challenge for a sportsman like me. At some point, I'll call it a day. I certainly won't be jumping from boat to boat or traveling from island to island. I want to take on responsibility in some way.
ZEIT: Will something ever be able to fill you up like the feeling of sitting in a race car?
Vettel: Well, I wish I knew. Every one of us athletes has this turning point before us - voluntarily or involuntarily. I could have gotten injured, either in or out of the car. And that would have been the end of my career. The point could have come when I was no longer good enough even for the midfield, when no one wanted me anymore. Of course, I wonder if I'll be able to cope with life afterwards or if I'll miss something. Maybe it will upset me that everything I've built up so far will crumble or burst. When I think about it and look at the post-career careers of other famous athletes, I can already see that it's a big challenge. There seems to be no guarantee of passing this test. Maybe I won't win this race, maybe I won't even finish it. I don't know.
ZEIT: Do you know how many of your colleagues among the Formula 1 drivers are really satisfied?
Vettel: Phew. We're all driven by ambition, the prospect of success. But the satisfaction outside of that is much more valuable. I think that's also a question of age. When we were 20 or 25, we all had different ideas of what it meant to be happy. Personally, I've always been more interested in the boring, the normal things. Trophies, for example, don't give me any satisfaction at all; you'd see that immediately if you visited me at home.
ZEIT: Where do you keep all your trophies?
Vettel: In a room that no one gets to see. On the walls in the living quarters are pictures of people who are good at painting, children's and family photos. But no Formula 1 pictures. ZEIT: Aren't you at all proud of what you've achieved?
Vettel: Yes, of course I am, and I'm also lucky enough to be able to afford things that I used to dream about. For me, that was always a Ferrari F40, that was my absolute dream car. I still have it and I'm not going to sell it.
ZEIT: A 480-horsepower sports car whose used purchase price starts at around 1.35 million. Is that what a Ferrari driver gets as a farewell present?
Vettel: No, I bought it beforehand. But it really is one of the very few status symbols I own. I've always liked to break out of the role of Formula 1 driver.
ZEIT: Isn't it nice to be a little privileged? After all, you've worked for it.
Vettel: How can I explain that without seeming arrogant? People often think they know me. But they don't know me, they only know a small part of me, the role I fill as a Formula 1 driver. No one knows whether I'm really an extrovert or an introvert, whether I like to do this or that. But because they think they know me, they behave toward me in a certain way that doesn't suit me as a person at all. Some apologize if they didn't recognize me right away, and then become effusively friendly. That makes me uncomfortable. I prefer the real thing.
ZEIT: Do you have a hobby that you would like to turn into a career?
Vettel: I really enjoy tinkering with wood. Who knows, maybe I'll do an apprenticeship as a carpenter. Maybe it will fulfill me so much that I'll only build chairs afterwards. Or maybe after a year I'll say it's fun to do something now and then, but it doesn't have to become my life's purpose. And I like farming, that's something that's grabbed me more and more in the past few years. There are so many approaches to farming. I wasn't aware of that before. Where does our food come from? Why? On the one hand, it's very analog, but on the other hand, it's also connected with technology, with new, modern technology.
ZEIT: Could you also imagine continuing to be involved in racing?
Vettel: Not right away, but working in motorsports, if it's the right role, is something I can well imagine. After all, there are also areas that are far removed from classic Formula 1.
ZEIT: As an ambassador for Formula E?
Vettel: No, not that. I don't want to be a greeter, and I don't want to put my face forward for a concept that I'm not convinced of. I don't see the point behind this series. The battery technology that is being pushed and developed has nothing to do with the technology that a normal car could use. It is not conducive to preserving our environment if the batteries or rechargeable batteries are not charged with renewable energy, but with fossil energy.
ZEIT: Why have you actually changed your appearance so much? You wear a beard, your hair is getting longer. Is that also a form of protest, your way of walking the Camino de Santiago?
Vettel: No, it's much simpler than that. When I was 20, I couldn't grow a beard. There was only fluff. Now the hair is already starting to get a little thinner. So I thought I'd better let it grow longer again before it starts to get less overall.
ZEIT: Would you have left if you'd had an offer from a racing team that would have given you the opportunity to sit in a car that was competing for victory once again?
Vettel: I asked myself the same question. I can't answer it for you one hundred percent because the option didn't exist. But actually, when I thought about it, I came to the same conclusion. After all the self-doubt that came up in me, it was more important for me to realize that it's okay to quit. Sure, that would be a great thing, to retire as a champion at the peak. That's what many of us try to do. Some fail at it and lose themselves.
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tillthereweretangents · 2 years ago
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Paul and Icke (part 4 of N)
On New Year's Eve 1962 (going into 1963) the Beatles played the last gig of their final Hamburg residency.
On the first of January 1963 Icke drove Paul to the airport. Icke gives no explanation as to why Paul wasn't with the other Beatles, or how he came to be driving Paul to the airport, but based on the other things we've already talked about we have theories. (Could this night have inspired songs such as an early draft of Goodbye or The Night Before? The point being, we wonder if Paul stayed with Icke and they had relations.)
The Beatles last performances at the Star was Dec 18 -31st, 1962 . On New Years day, they were due to go back to England. I took Paul in my little beetle car to the airport, where he met with the others. Then the announcement came that the flight to London was delayed by four hours. Wonderful I thought, I have more time to hang out with them. It was in these last hours that I could talk to them all on the same level; because what happened in the next few months in England, at the crazy speed it developed, none of us, the Beatles or the fans could have imagined. The next time I saw them, they were absolute world stars and they lived in a different world. That time in the airport bar we were still thinking that in a few months, they would be appearing at the Star Club again .
Icke driving Paul to the airport also gets mentioned in The Beatles Mach Schau in Hamburg by Thorsten Knublauch
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This book has so far proven impossible to get our hands on. Thanks to @muzaktomyears for the photo!
On January 1st, 1963 Astrid Kirchherr and Icke Braun brought the Beatles to Fuhlsbüttel airport. Betty and Ruth were also there to say goodbye. The plane was delayed for several hours due to harsh winter weather and they stayed at the bar. Icke, who brought Paul to the airport in his VW Beetle, remembers a conversation with John who said: "Did you know, for a year and a half I thought you were gay and a fan of us because of that ..." It was a strange situation, recalls Icke.
The citation (Mach Shau) is a book we're hoping to have access to soon. So there may be more insights on this coming!
Why did John bring up Icke's sexuality after he brought Paul to the airport? Why does it sound like something convinced John that Icke _wasn't_ gay? Answers on a postcard to the usual address.
Original German
Ihre letzten Auftritte im Star-Club hatten die Beatles vom 18. bis zum 31. Dezember 1962 gehabt. Am Neujahrsmorgen sollte es zurück nach England gehen. Ich brachte Paul in meinem Käfer nach Fuhlsbüttel, wo er mit den anderen zusam-mentraf. Dann kam die Durchsage, dass der Flug nach London vier Stunden Verspätung hätte. Wunderbar, dachte ich, dann habe ich ja noch jede Menge Zeit, mit ihnen zu klönen. Es waren die allerletzten Stunden, in denen ich noch auf Augenhöhe mit ihnen reden konnte. Was dann in den nächsten Monaten in England passierte, und mit welcher wahnwitzigen Geschwindigkeit, das hatte keiner von uns vorhergesehen, weder wir Fans noch die Beatles selber. Es war wie ein Wunder. Als ich sie das nächste Mal wieder sah, waren sie die absoluten Weltstars und lebten in einer anderen Welt. Damals in der Flughafenbar gingen sie und wir alle noch davon aus, dass sie in einigen Monaten wieder im Star-Club auftreten würden.
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sexmap · 3 years ago
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travel’s — jack harlow
imagine traveling with jack and your guys toddler and jack gets aggravated when your toddler doesn’t sit still
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you guys were traveling back to la after a long week of being in puerto rico, visiting your family. you were tired of being in la and needed a break, so you asked jack and he agreed.
of course he was upset because you had brought it up last minute and he had made plans, but he cancelled them all and went just to make you happy. it was also a good chance for your son, travis, to meet his family that’s not in la, and also he barely had nothing to do there. so you called up your family in puerto rico, and set it all up.
now you guys were in the airport, at four o’ clock in the morning. travis was wide awake for some reason, having taken a nap for 5 hours the day before and it was annoying jack very much. while you were saying goodbye to your parents who drove you to the airport, jack was dealing with your guys son, who was running around singing the intro to pj mask’s.
“boy if you don’t get yo ass back here right now.” you heard jack yell at your son, who was running towards nowhere. people around you guys turned to look at him like he was a weirdo, but he could care less. you turned your head and looked at jack who was struggling with the bags and suitcases while watching over him. you have your parents one last goodbye and a kiss on the cheek and watched them go.
then after you got travis under control and into the airport, you went through tsa, which was pretty easy with travis, he listened throughout that all but only because you were actually paying attention. if he was alone with jack, he would be giving him a hard time.
you guys were now waiting at the gate, for the plane that was coming in about an hour. you were going to dunkin donuts to get some coffee for you and jack, and while you were doing that, jack was dealing with the crazy toddler.
“travis please sit. i’m really trynna be nice with you right now.” jack was leaning on his arm, halfway to the point of falling asleep, while travis was climbing on the seats acting as if he was spiderman.
“daddy watch!” travis jumped off a seat onto another and jack just mumbled a ‘mhm’. he couldn’t care less that people were looking at him as if he was a bad parent, he was tired and it’s what kids do. have they never seen a child act like that.
well yeah maybe not at 4:30 in the morning, but you get my point.
travis was now digging through his bag looking for his apple juice, while jack was waiting for you to come back and deal with him. travis had started to drink his juice, but halfway through he heard an announcement over the speaker that of course startled both jack and him, and travis wound up spilling his juice on jack. almost the whole thing.
jack grabbed his arm softly and whispered in his ear, “travis y/l/n harlow, if you don’t sit yo ass down right now, when we get home you gonna be grounded.” travis looked really sorry, but now he realized that his dad was being serious. so he sat down and listened. his bottom lip out, trying to give his dad the best puppy eyes.
“boy stop trynna convince me.” travis just looked away and waited for you to come back now.
when you came back, both the boys were sitting quietly, doing nothing.
“what’s got him all quiet?” you handed jack his drink and he just shook his head and sipped it. “as long as he’s quiet right?”
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should i do more imagines like this? also gimme feedback this is my first fic.
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