#criminalmindsfanfiction

[multiharlot]

breakeven // aaron hotchner (on Wattpad) https://www.wattpad.com/story/374961950-breakeven-aaron-hotchner?utm_source=web&utm_medium=tumblr&utm_content=share_myworks&wp_uname=multiwhore 

i know that i like...just posted a poll about this, but shamelessly, i’m gonna advertise it here too. so. hope u enjoy (✿◡‿◡)

[gayforbauladies]

Ultimate Girls Night

*Contains Smut

After a particularly hard case, Penelope suggests an ultimate girls night, all the BAU girls that have been in the unit.

Word Count: 2300

“I think after that case we need the ultimate girls night.” Penelope says as the team puts their bags on their respective desks. They just got back from a tough case and everyone is mentally beat. JJ turns towards Penelope, “ultimate girls night?” Penelope nods enthusiastically. “We get all the BAU girls, past and present, and have a girls night. Think about it, we have always done them with the current BAU members, but never with all of them.” Penelope pointedly looks at each female in the room. JJ looks like she is amused, Emily is calculating how that would work and Tara is skeptical. JJ shrugs, “it would be nice to see Elle again.” Emily chimed in, “it would be nice to put faces to names for some of them.” Tara shrugged as she didn’t care, a girls night was a girls night.

——————————————————————————————————————————

Friday night was finally upon them. Penelope had created a group chat to send out the details the night before. The plan was to meet at a club then sleepover at one of the houses that was to be determined later. Penelope, Emily and JJ carpooled to save on ride share prices for the night. They showed up at the club and waited outside for the rest of their group. Penelope was in one of her bright pink outfits. Emily was wearing the same black dress she used to talk to Viper on that one case. JJ was in dark jeans and a sparkly green shirt. Tara showed up next in a black pantsuit. Elle arrived next and walked up to the group. She hugged Penelope and went to hug JJ who was not-so-subtly staring. Elle was in dark jeans like JJ, but was wearing a black fitted corset top. “Long time no see, JJ.” Elle says with a smirk bringing JJ in for a hug. Alex and Kate show up at the same time. Alex was wearing something similar to a work outfit, black slacks and a button up shirt. Kate was in light wash jeans and a dark pink red shirt.

Introductions were made by Penelope and then they made their way inside. The music was loud, the bass reverberating in their bones. The group made through the crowd to an empty table and set down their things. “First round is on me.” Alex says making her way to the bar. Emily turns to Tara,”how is it we have just sat down and there’s already a woman making eyes at you?” Tara looks at her confused. Emily points with her eyes to a female, probably in her thirties maybe forty’s. She is cute, black slacks and button up shirt that would be too much for work, but perfect for the bar. “Nah, I just got dumped. I’m not ready.” Tara says, but keeps glancing at the woman, clearly intrigued. “Rebecca broke up with you a while ago. I’m not saying go and ask her to get married, just go and dance with her, remember how to have fun.” Emily encourages Tara with a smile.

Alex arrives back at the table with the first round of double shots. Tara downs her shot in a second while the others follow shortly. Tara looked down at Emily with something in her eyes. She grabs Emily’s hand and drags her to the dance floor. Emily sputters in confusion. “I’m remembering how to have fun.” Tara smirks at Emily when they arrive at the dance floor. Emily smiles and puts her arms around Tara’s neck, enjoying how the conversation ended.

The rest of the girls were on their second round of shots. Kate sat on the innermost chair and took in her surroundings. She hadn’t been out like this since she gave birth to her second child. She had been out, but it was a bunch of moms, so it was much different than this. She couldn’t do this each weekend, but once in a while was super fun. She downed her second shot and looked around at the females around her. Penelope was practically vibrating with excitement about everyone being together and was talking Alex’s ear off. JJ and Elle were catching up and looked quite cozy. Emily and Tara were still on the dance floor. Kate felt her mouth curl up into a smile. She had missed these women she had worked with for such a short amount of time. “So how are the two children we all love so much?” Penelope asks switching her and Alex’s attention to me. “Meg is a typical teenager, but she is also so sweet. She loves her little sister, even when she is mad at Chris and me she would protect her sister through anything.” Kate responds with a smile. Penelope squeals with happiness while Alex smiles softly at Kate. “How’d teaching, Professor Alex?” Kate asks jokingly. Alex chuckles and glances down. “It’s good, I actually really enjoy it. I love the students and the topics.” Alex responds, “I don’t know how you,” she looks at Penelope, “are still doing the job.” Penelope chuckles. “I wasn’t for a few years. I only came back recently to help with a new case.” Penelope responds. “It hasn’t been easy, to be honest. But I am a new person so it’s different, but familiar.” “Only you could take a break from the job, then go back to it.” Alex chuckles.

“So, how do you like being a profiler, JJ?” Elle asks with a smile. She had kept in touch with JJ over the years, but it has dwindled recently. Life got in the way, but there was an invisible tug towards her that never let Elle completely let JJ go. Even throughout her marriage to Will and birthing two incredibly cute kids. Even knowing it could never happen, Elle was just happy to be able to call JJ her friend. “It’s been good. Sometimes I do miss being communication liaison though. It was easier in different ways.” JJ responds, “reminds me of the time you were profiling next to me.” JJ smirks at Elle sliding a little closer to her. “Let’s dance.” JJ says dragging Elle to the dance floor.

Emily and Tara have been dancing and progressively got closer to each other. They have only had one double shot each, but between the music and being so close to each other, they felt like they had multiple. Tara’s hands were roaming all over Emily’s body. Emily’s arms slowly pulled Tara closer to her. They both had heat in their eyes. Their mouths crashed together passionately when their bodies could get no closer. They clawed at each other’s bodies as if they couldn’t be close enough. Their tongues fought for dominance while exploring each other. Emily tilted Tara’s head backwards and started kissing her neck. Emily made her way down to in between Tara’s chest. Tara lifted Emily’s face and captured her mouth with hers again. Tara broke the kiss and led Emily to the bathrooms.

Tara led Emily into the single person bathroom and locked the door. “Are you sure?” Emily pants as Tara pins her against the door. Tara gives Emily a look full of lust. She doesn’t break eye contact while Tara slips her hand under Emily’s dress and moves her underwear to the side. Tara starts circling Emily’s clit causing Emily to throw her head back. “Yeah, I’m sure.” Tara says and then kisses Emily with a bruising pressure. Tara kissed down Emily’s body until she was on her knees before Emily. Tara pushed Emily’s dress up to her waist and then slid her underwear down and threw them to the side. Once Tara had unrestricted access she took one of Emily’s legs and put it over her shoulder. She then sucked and licked as if she was starving. Emily was a writhing mess above her. A couple more sucks had Emily falling over the edge. Tara guided her through with her fingers while standing upright and taking Emily’s mouth into hers again. Emily threw her head back as Tara was still pumping her fingers and started circling Emily’s clit with her thumb. Tara kissed Emily’s neck, up to her mouth again.

As Emily’s second orgasm dwindled down, she turned them so Tara was being pinned against the door with a kiss. As they make out Emily searches for the zipper on the side of Tara’s pantsuit. She gets it unzipped and smugly tugs it down Tara’s body as she leaves kisses in her trail. Emily stops and plays with Tara’s already free breasts as she finishes taking off the pantsuit. Once the pantsuit is discarded by her underwear Emily continues her descent. Emily inserts a finger and starts pumping lazily kissing her way back up. Emily kisses Tara’s mouth twice then whispers, “you going to be a good girl?” Tara whimpers slightly and nods causing Emily to add a second finger and thrusting them faster while circling Tara’s clit with her thumb. Emily could feel Tara was on the edge, “cum for me.” That was what Tara needed to spill over the edge. She slumped against Emily who held her upright fusing their mouths. Tara winded Emily’s gray hair in her hands, pulling her head back to deepen the kiss. Emily moaned into the kiss which encouraged Tara to deepen the kiss even more. They get pulled back into the world when someone knocks on the door. They quickly get their clothes fully on and then Emily leads Tara back to the table.

Penelope gives Emily and Tara a knowing look when they get back to the table. “You are very behind on shots.” Kate says pointing to the shots at where their stuff lays. With reality weighing in on Emily, she starts shooting back the shots. Tara looks at Emily shooting the shots like nothing and gives her a concerned look while slowly shooting her multiple shots. “Where’s JJ and Elle?” Tara asks noticing their absence. Alex nods towards to where they are on the dance floor.

Elle and JJ are dancing with no space in between them. Elle keeps looking at JJ’s lips and having to remind herself that it isn’t the past, JJ isn’t single anymore. She’s not the type to cheat on her significant other. Elle really should put space between them, but she just can’t bring herself to move back. JJ has her arms wrapped around Elle’s neck and everything seems right. If JJ wanted space, she would create the space.

JJ sees the heat in Elle’s eyes, she has the same heat in her eyes. Memories of the past in her head haven’t stopped since she laid eyes on Elle. She hasn’t failed to notice Elle constantly looking at her mouth. Memories of her doing that right before kissing them in a hotel room on a case floods JJ’s brain. JJ grabs Elle’s hand and drags her to a secluded space in a random hallway out of view. “Elle, you’re my hall pass.” JJ says and Elle is confused at first, but then she understands. JJ kisses her as soon as the confusion leaves her face. They break apart and stare at each other for a second. Elle then spins them and pins JJ against the wall with a bruising kiss. JJ wraps her arms around Elle’s neck pulling her closer. Their breathing becomes pants and Elle unzips JJ’s jeans. Elle rubs JJ’s clit and whispers,”are you going to be good just like all those years ago?” JJ responds by moaning into Elle’s mouth as she initiates another kiss. “Yes mommy.” JJ says while Elle adds a finger and starts pumping in and out. Soon JJ is tumbling over the edge. Elle adds another finger, “c’mon baby, you can give me another one.” JJ could feel another orgasm coming up. She kisses Elle hard in between pants. Elle sticks her other hand down her own jeans and starts circling her own clit. “You’re not to cum until we cum together.” Elle says slowing her pace on JJ and upping her pace on herself. JJ whimpers, “I’m not gonna be able to hold out much longer.” Elle gives her a look and then kisses her. Pumping at the same speed for each of them, soon they both were finishing and Elle took her hands out of their pants. She pushed JJ more up against the wall and put their bodies flush against each other. Elle kissed JJ softly then pulled back, “I missed you.” JJ’s eyes soften, “I missed you too.”

Elle kisses JJ one more time, then leads her back to the table. Elle whispers in JJ’s ear, “we’ll continue this later.” JJ blushes while she sits down. Penelope gives them the same face as she gave Emily and Tara. Kate and Alex look in between the two couples that formed tonight with a smile on their faces. “Well, let’s head out, we can go to my house!” Penelope says starting to gather everyone. Alex butts in, “we can actually go to mine, I have more bedrooms for people to sleep in.” Alex smiles at Penelope and Penelope nods in agreement. Alex gives out her address and they piled in two ride shares.

They arrived and Alex’s house was beautiful. It was a medium sized house, but it was perfect for a married couple. James, Alex’s husband, was away on work so we had the whole house. Alex led us in and Elle and JJ took one room, Emily and Tara took another and Penelope and Kate took the family room. They all met in the kitchen getting glasses of wine. All of them were at least tipsy from the shots at the bar. The girls ended up staying up until late in the morning just enjoying each other’s company.

[sequinsmile-x]

Tag list part two:

@lozziemichaela98, @loriprentiss, @serqueljisbon, @section-chief-prentiss, @hotchsdharma, @astridncs, @bingetvcarls, @alcabots, @sleuthy-scientist, @faithinthefutur3, @criminalmindsfanfiction, @venusprentiss, @shadowsofthemo0n, @wrldofsage

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I Can’t Go Back to Where I Used To Be

This was never what she expected, a life she told herself that she would never get to have, but she was so glad she had it.

-x-

Hi friends, this is a fic for my friend @rawr-jess who just finished all of her exams!! And because I missed her birthday (in my defence I didn't know when it was until afterwards) I told her I'd write something for her now <3

It's full of girl dad Aaron, family fluff and all the good stuff.

-x-

Words: 3.4k

Warnings: pregnancy, references to infertility

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

Another child had never been part of the plan. 

In Paris, she’d been told that having children was unlikely, but not impossible. It had devastated her. She’d walked home from that appointment in a daze, the streets of a city she’d once loved now her prison as she felt like nothing more than a ghost of her former self. When she returned to her apartment, a place she would never have chosen, she laid on the floor and stared at the ceiling. Her eyes fixed on the air conditioning unit that made a noise she could hear even now if she thought about it too much. 

She didn’t cry about it until she was already home, her months in Paris and her recovery both things she would rather forget as she got further and further away from them. It was only when she and Aaron were looking to buy a house together that she thought about it again. The real estate agent’s comment about how the room next to the master bedroom would make a perfect nursery hanging in the air around them, Aaron’s wistful smile enough to make Emily choke on familiar grief filling in her lungs, the sound of that old air conditioning unit clicking in her head the whole journey back to his apartment as he talked about how perfect the house was. 

She cried that night. Tears burning tracks down her cheeks as she told him what she was sure would stop their relationship, the very thing that had made her turn down Clyde’s offer of a job in London, in its tracks. Instead, all Aaron does is pull her into a hug and reassure her that he loved her, that he loved whatever life they were going to have together. Even if it just ended up just the two of them and Jack. 

Then Olivia came along. Bright pink, screaming and furious as she was handed to Emily. She remembered how her hands shook, her body pushed to its limit as she held her daughter for the first time, the anxiety she had felt her entire pregnancy flooding out of her as it was replaced with the love she’d been too afraid to feel ever since two lines appeared on a stick in their ensuite bathroom. Aaron had been by her side the entire time, the same calming reassurance he’d surrounded her with for months, his smile wide and full of wonder as they spent their first few moments with their little girl.

Two years later Elena was born. She was quieter than her sister, slightly more subdued from the start in a way that worried Emily at first, so used to the way Olivia was always insistent on what she wanted that she spent countless nights just watching her newborn sleep. As the months went by it became clear that Elena was just like Aaron and Jack. Quieter and more stoic than Emily and Oliva. 

Their family had felt complete, their home as hectic as it was full of love. Another child had never been part of the plan until Emily once again found herself with a positive pregnancy test in hand. Laughing as she wished she could go back and talk to the version of herself who cried into Aaron’s chest when she was sure they’d never have kids and tell her that, apparently, she and Aaron were the most fertile couple on the planet despite everything that technically should have been working against them. 

It’s how she found herself at her OBGYN for her 20-week scan with Aaron by her side, a fussy Elena in his lap as she recovers from getting her shots at her 12-month appointment. 

“You’re ok, princess,” Aaron says, holding Elena and her stuffed elephant, a bright pink thing called Penny named after the person who bought it for her, “Once Mommy has her appointment we can go home.” 

Emily reaches over to tuck some of Elena’s hair behind her ear, smiling when her daughter leans into her palm, seeking out the comfort the always wanted from her mother. She scoots towards her, her little fists reaching out for Emily and Aaron holds her even tighter. 

“You stay with Daddy for now sweet girl, ok?” She says gently, “Mommy is too full of baby and all the water I had to drink on the way here,” she looks at Aaron over Elena’s head and narrows her eyes when she sees he is smiling, “I don’t know what you’re smiling about, your doctor's appointment is next week.” 

Even though her age meant it was highly unlikely she’d be able to have another baby after this one, she wanted to make sure it wouldn’t happen. Aaron had readily agreed to the vasectomy, not arguing even once in a way that made her need to pull out all the reasons she’d come up with prior to raising it with him. She knew it was because he understood the practicalities of it, that he had watched her go through now three pregnancies that hadn’t been easy on her, and it was a relatively simple procedure. That, and she had made many threats that they were never having sex again if they didn’t do something.

“I know, sweetheart,” He says, picking up Penny as it hits the floor, knowing they would be in for a rough afternoon if they left it anywhere, “It’s in my calendar on my phone” he winks at her, “and you wrote it in red pen on the paper one my desk.” 

She smiles at him and places her hand on her stomach, the baby rolling around and pressing against her full bladder, “I just want to make sure,” she replies, “So, final chance - are we going to find out what we’re having?”

With Olivia, they’d found out as soon as they could. It was something that Emily could control, knowing that they were having a little girl the thing that had held her together throughout a pregnancy she’d once been told was unlikely to happen. When she had Elena they’d decided to leave it as a surprise which had led to both Emily and Aaron crying as their daughter was handed to them for the first time, the moment no less amazing than the first time. 

“I say we find out,” he replies, readjusting his hold on Elena who had now fallen asleep against him, “So we can prepare Dave in case it is another mini Emily.” 

She laughs and shakes her head, “Oh please, Elena might look like a mini-me but she is you through and through. She even has your scowl, which is impressive considering she’s only 12 months old.” 

“Emily Prentiss?” 

They both look up at the sound of her name being called, smiling as they look at the nurse. Emily looks back at her husband and reaches out to squeeze his hand, “Let’s go see the baby.” 

Neither of them notices how the bright pink elephant slips out of Elena’s slack hand as they stand.

___

“I cannot believe you left the damn elephant there.” 

“That’s a bad word, Mama.” 

Emily looks down at Olivia and smiles at the three-year-old, “Sorry sweetie, you’re right,” she looks back up at her husband and her smile slips off her face, “I cannot believe you left the elephant there.” 

Aaron pinches the bridge of his nose, taking a deep breath as he tries to zone out from the incessant crying coming from his youngest daughter. Elena woke up as soon as they got home and it became immediately clear that they had left her favourite toy at the doctor's office. She was inconsolable, her face buried in Emily’s neck as she paced back and forth in their living room with their daughter sitting on top of her bump. 

“I swear, Em I thought I had it.”

She glares at him, her irritation clear, and she takes a moment from comforting their daughter, “Well clearly you don’t.” 

“You didn’t have it either.” 

He regrets it the moment he says it, and he watches as his wife’s eyes go wide before he can apologise, “Well I was too busy trying not to pis-” she looks back down at Olivia, the little girl happily colouring in her book, before she looks back up, “Pee myself whilst I had an ultrasound for the best part of a freaking hour.” 

“You’re right,” he says, holding his hands up in front of him, stepping back towards the front door and picking his keys back off the side table, “I am sorry and I am on my way back to the doctor's office to get it.”  

She nods, pressing a kiss into Elena’s head as she rubs her hand up and down her back, “Ok, thank you,” she smiles at him, “I love you. Even if you do leave our kid’s favourite toy in a doctor's office.” 

He chuckles and opens the front door, “I love you too.” 

Eventually, mercifully, Elena falls asleep, worn out by her tears and vaguely placated by Oliva’s offer of every single one of her stuffed animals that she carried down the stairs one by one in an attempt to cheer up her sister. It makes Emily well up too, the kindness shown by her eldest daughter enough to tip her over the edge, but she manages to keep it together, well aware that they didn’t need someone else crying right now.

When Jack gets home from school, his eyes wide at the scene he comes home to, he takes Olivia to the den without being asked. Distracting her so Emily can focus entirely on her youngest. She feels the baby move in her belly and she smiles. 

Her youngest for now. 

Emily winces as the doorbell rings, and she looks at Elena, the little girl still fast asleep against her, and sighs in relief. She walks towards the door and smiles as she opens it, laughing as she looks Dave up and down, a box of cooking equipment in his hands. 

“You do realise we have pans here, right?” She says, stepping back so he can walk past her, “You don’t have to bring your own.” 

“If I’m cooking dinner for everyone I’m bringing my cast iron skillet,” he replies raising an eyebrow at her as they walk to the kitchen, his eyes flicking between her and the line of stuffed animals on the couch, “Remind me why I am cooking dinner for everyone when you’re hosting again?” 

“Because Aaron and I are the ones with small children and the last time you hosted Livvie drew on your living room wall with a crayon and you still won’t let me forget it.”

He chuckles as he places the box on the kitchen counter, “Do you know how expensive that wallpaper is?” 

“Yes,” she replies, shifting Elena in her now aching arms, “I wrote you a cheque for the replacement, remember?” 

Dave looks her up and down, “Should you be carrying her like that in your condition?” 

Emily narrows her eyes at him, “I’m pregnant, not sick. And if I put her down she will start crying because she got shots this morning so she’s cranky anyway, and Aaron left her favourite toy at the doctor's office.” 

“So that’s why his car isn’t in the driveway?” 

She nods, “He should be on his way back, hopefully with the pink elephant in tow or he’s sleeping on the couch tonight,” she says, “And Jack is currently being the best big brother in the world and keeping Livvie entertained with a game I know he hates.” 

He smiles as he starts to get his ingredients out, “Hopefully baby number three will be a boy to even things out for him and Aaron.” 

Her response catches in her chest and she holds Elena a little closer before she clears her through, “Actually, it’s another girl,” she says, her joy from when the doctor told her returning and mixing in with the anxiety she’d felt ever since, “We found out today.” 

Dave smiles, “Congratulations,” he says before he shakes his head, “Poor Aaron though, totally outnumbered.” 

She feels a pang in her chest, irritated that Dave seemed to have picked up on her biggest insecurity in one swoop. She was delighted they were having another girl, she would have been if they were having a boy. It still took her aback sometimes that this was her life. That she had a son, Jack every bit as much as hers as the girls were, and soon-to-be three daughters, that she had a husband who she could yell at about like mundane things like their kid’s favourite toy. Even though this third baby hadn’t been part of the plan she so desperately loved her already. 

And she knew Aaron did too, but a small part of her was worried he was disappointed that they were having another girl. They hadn’t had much of a chance to talk about it, the moment they got home Elena had woken up and everything had gone to hell, and now she wouldn’t get a chance to talk to him about it until the team left after pasta night. 

She fixes a smile on her face, “He loves it, you know that.” 

Dave nods, conceding to the well-known fact that if there was one thing Aaron loved it was being a dad, regardless of anything else. 

She’s grateful when he doesn’t say anything else, and she just hopes she’s right. 

___

Aaron yawns as he walks down the stairs of his home and towards the living room. He smiles when he sees Emily on the couch with Olivia, the toddler fast asleep in her mother’s lap.

“Jack is playing his video game, Ellie is fast asleep and Penny the elephant is secure in her arms,” he says quietly, “And I might put a damn tracker on it,” he smiles when she laughs and he points towards Olivia, “Want me to take her up?” 

Emily shakes her head, “Not yet,” she says, her fingers trailing through Olivia’s hair, “It’s rare I get to snuggle with her like this these days,” she looks back at her husband, “She’s always on the move.” 

He smiles as he settles on the couch and puts his arm around the two of them, “That’s because she’s just like you.” 

She rests her head against his shoulder, “I remember being so scared when I was pregnant with her,” she says, her eyes fixed on their daughter’s face, “I was terrified the whole time something was going to go wrong because nothing had ever gone right for me,” she blushes when she looks up at him, “Until you and Jack of course,” she looks back down at Olivia, “And then she was here and she was perfect.”

“She’s still perfect,” Aaron says, “Even when she’s insisting I’ve cut her watermelon the wrong way. She’s perfect,” he places his hand on Emily’s bump, “All of them are.” 

Her smile falters slightly and she feels the question she has been trying to push down all day climbing up her throat before she can stop it, “You’re not disappointed are you?” She asks, smiling when she feels a kick she knows he has too, “You’re not disappointed it's a girl?” 

He snaps his head up so fast it pulls at his neck, making him wince as he puts his hand on it to rub at the sore tendons. 

“What?” He asks, shaking his head, “Of course not. Do I seem disappointed?” 

“God, no,” she says, blowing out a breath as she closes her eyes, “No, I’m sorry. It’s just something Dave said before you got home and…” she drifts off, irritated at herself as tears flood her eyes, “At one point I was so sure I wouldn’t have any of this, l laid on the floor in my place in Paris and convinced myself I didn’t need any of this to be happy,” she jumps slightly when she feels his finger against her cheek, only realising she was actually crying until he wipes the tears away, “And maybe I would have been happy, a different kind of happy,” she says, her words catching in her chest, “But happy nonetheless. So all of this. You, Jack and the girls, and this baby all feels like it’s a dream I’ll wake up from one day.” 

“Em-”

“Like I’ll wake up on the floor in that fucking apartment with the stupid broken air conditioning and none of this will have been real.” 

“Sweeheart,” he says, stopping her from saying anything else, placing his hand back on her belly, both of them smiling when the baby kicks, “It’s all very real. I’m here, Ellie and Jack are upstairs, Livvie is sleeping right here on top of you,” he smiles again, “And baby girl number three is kicking up a storm in there,” he reaches up to wipe tears from her cheek, ���And nothing about that could ever be disappointing to me.” 

A sob escapes her before she can prevent it, and she shakes her head, “Damn it, Aaron you can’t say shit like that to a pregnant woman.” 

“It’s true,” he says, leaning in to kiss her, his lips soft against hers, “I’d have a hundred little girls with you if I could.”

She laughs at that, shaking her head at him as she cups his cheek. He somehow always knew exactly what to say to cheer her up, and she was still after all these years getting used to having someone who loved her enough to understand her in that way. Any residual concern he was disappointed is gone, and she smiles at him. 

“Well that’s impossible for two reasons. One - I am 45 so having another kid after this one is unlikely as it is, and secondly-”

“I’m having a vasectomy next week.” 

She smiles and nods, stroking his cheek with her thumb, “You’re having a vasectomy next week,” they fall into brief silence, the only noise in the room Olivia’s soft breathing, before Emily speaks again, “We’ll have to come up with a name,” she says, kissing him again, “I can only think of boys names.” 

He chuckles, rubbing his hand over her bump, “We have time, plus maybe we can get the kids to help.” 

___

Emily winces as she readjusts in the hospital bed, shushing the newborn baby in her arms as she cries out at the movement. 

“It’s ok sweet girl,” she says quietly, “You’re ok,” she looks up at the clock on the wall and smiles to herself before she looks down at her daughter, “You’d better enjoy the quiet it’s the last time you’ll ever experience it. Daddy will be here any minute with your brother and sisters and we love them but they are all so loud.” 

She was looking forward to seeing her children, she’d missed them, but she was enjoying a few seconds of quiet with who she knew was going to be her last baby. 

“You look just like your sisters,” she whispers, running her fingers over the baby’s dark hair, “which means you look like me,” she smiles, “Sorry about the nose.” 

She hears familiar, and thundering footsteps in the hallway and she grimaces, knowing Aaron would be being glared at by any nurses who were in the hall. The door is flung open and she spots Olivia and Jack before they rush over to the bed. Aaron is in the room a second later, Elena on his hip as he smiles.

“Everyone be careful with Mom, ok?” He says, closing the door behind him, smiling before he walks over and leans down to kiss his wife, “Hi, how are you?” 

“Good,” she replies, “Tired.” 

“Understandable,” he replies, winking at her before he sits Elena down next to her, the little girl desperate for her mother, “Be careful, Ellie.” 

“Baby!” 

“That’s right, sweetie,” Emily says, shifting the blanket around the baby’s face so the others can see her, “This is your baby sister.”

“This is Jasmine?” Jack asks, his smile as wide as it was the first time he met Olivia and Elena, always excited to be an older brother. 

Emily smiles at Aaron who nods. They’d asked the kids to help name the baby and whilst they’d had to veto a number of options, most of the more ridiculous ones from Olivia who wanted to call the newborn ‘Mufasa’, and they finally settled on a name that seemed right. 

Aaron always called all of the girls princess anyway. 

“Yeah,” she says, looking back at the baby, “This is Jasmine.” 

-x-

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[qslovebot]

Nobody: Spencer Reid

Summary: After an accident on a case, the reader is left with trauma and anxiety. A miscommunication between her and the person she needs most (Spencer Reid) begins to eat her alive and he just so happens to be the only one there when she breaks again.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Warnings/Includes: mentions of kissing, mentions of traumatizing events (not specified), depictions of anxiety, fluff, miscommunication, angst to fluff

A/N: The song is Nobody by Mitski. Read with this for the ultimate experience.

Sometimes things felt too literal. Words start to sound weird and feel weird when you say them, clothes feel too much like clothes against your skin, the texture of any food in your mouth becomes too prevalent while eating.

These things started happening after you witnessed and endured something awful on a case. You wouldn't dare bring up the full memory in case it took over and killed you all over again. It wasn't PTSD, but it was the cause of your anxiety attacks most of the time when they occurred.

After that case, you spent a week in the hospital where they happened nearly every day and the doctors weren't much help, to be frank. The only people who really ever helped were your friends and the person you were so close to dating, Spencer Reid.

It was a long story. To dumb it down, the case event happened and you and Spencer thought you were about to die so he confessed his feelings for you and of course they were reciprocated. He asked, then and there through stuttering words, 'If we make it out of here please go out with me?" As his last bit of hope, and he kissed you before you were taken away by the unsub. He didn't endure nearly as much as you did which was why he wasn't as affected. But you had said 'yes' to that question and three weeks later, you still hadn't talked about it.

When the anxiety attacks happened, you often felt like you couldn't breathe, like the walls were pressing in on you. Sometimes you'd be with JJ when it happened. She would immediately ask you what you needed and often that would just be a hug.

Emily witnessed one at your house when she came over to check on you. She rushed over, caring voice and soft hands and told you to put your head between your knees, stroking your hair until you felt better.

Penelope made the 30-minute drive from her house every Friday night she wasn't working on a case to bring you dinner she had made and chat with you about anything you wanted.

Your friends cared for you, it was so prevalent. It was almost always that fact that was getting you through this as you continued to get better. You would return to work in two weeks because now the anxiety attacks were only once in a while and better controlled by you and Spencer still hadn't spoken to you since.

It was now nearly two weeks later. You would go back to work on Monday.

"He did come to visit you in the hospital before you woke up," Penelope said, stirring her cup of ramen. It was just another Friday and she sat across from you in your chair, cross-legged. "I don't know what's up with him if he isn't speaking to you, he seems fine at work."

You sighed, swallowing your bite. "I'm just scared that he regrets what he said and did before I was dragged away. It was those words and that kiss that got me through what the unsub did and I keep thinking about it and him..."

"It was romantic," she noted, waving her chopstick in the air. "I think you should call him, rather than just text him. It'll catch him off-guard and in-the-moment."

"Now?"

"Yes, so I can listen!"

You smiled a little, pulling out your phone as your heart began to race. What if he did pick up? What if it was awkward? What if he somehow didn't remember?

You pressed on his name, then pressed call. It began to hum quietly with pending rings. One ring, two, then five, then seven, then there was a small beep.

'You've reached Dr. Spencer Reid, uh, leave a message,' his voice said through the machine, still as sweet and youthfully scratchy. You bit your lip and nodded.

"I should have known that he didn't want to talk. Penelope, I can't stop thinking about him and he keeps ignoring my calls and I'm... frankly I'm afraid that nothing will ever happen and he'll ignore me forever."

Penelope cringed, "(Y/N), uh... there's... it's gone to voicemail and you're recording."

"Shit!" You panicked, looking at your phone. "How do I stop it?!"

"The red button!"

"That's the end call button I-" you pressed it by accident. Oh my god, the message went through. You just sat there with Penelope, both of you frozen in shock. That did not just happen... did it really just happen? Your one moment of self-pity and worry was one moment that Spencer would hear if he touched his phone on a Friday night.

The rest of the night was spent with you fighting off panic, pacing your room. Penelope agreed to stay overnight, but you could not handle the fact Spencer would hear what you said. It was humiliating to think about him hearing you stress over something like that.

This is what nagged at you all weekend, threatening the impending anxiety that was building up. Every second was agony, spent pacing and overthinking. Sleep was hard to get, so you took melatonin and your dreams taunted you with it all over again.

Monday morning you rushed to get dressed. You needed to see Spencer, no matter how hard it was to face him. You pulled on dress pants and a navy blue cotton v-neck shirt with bell sleeves. Laundry was forgotten through two days of panic, so this was pretty much the only shirt you had.

You brushed through your hair and applied your regular makeup and there, you were presentable and didn't look like you'd lost your mind over the weekend. You were going back, finally. It was somewhat refreshing if you dismissed the Spencer ordeal.

The drive there was fine. Music helped to calm you down and you listened as long as you could. Stepping into the BAU was different, it felt like you were being crushed the moment you stepped in.

"There's my girl!" Derek Morgan was the first to notice you walk in and he greeted you with open arms and a crushing hug. You smiled, letting him. It had been a while since you last saw him. He let you go after a few seconds, but his hands stayed on your shoulders. "We missed you here, things weren't as fun without you."

"I bet," you grinned, heading to your desk. You could hide your freakout well. "I missed the smell of coffee and paper in the morning."

"(Y/N), glad to have you back," Hotch said, walking down the steps. He did seem honestly glad to see you as there was a small twitch of his mouth when he approached you and Derek. "You're sure you're alright to work again? I assume today is a file day, but we'll be back out there soon."

You nodded, smiling back. "Getting there, but it's controllable now," He narrowed his eyebrows. "I'll be fine for the field and if I'm not, I can always stay at the precinct to work things out there."

Hotch looked to Derek, then back at you. "Sounds good. Again, glad to have you back, agent." Hotch shook your hand and passed you, heading into JJ's office.

"Morgan..." You started, fiddling with your fingers. "Have you seen Spencer?"

"Yeah, he just went to the washroom, why?"

"I need to talk to him..."

The day went on and of course, you saw Spencer, but he paid you no mind. Not even a 'welcome back' or anything. You were just there and it was like you never left, except Spencer didn't even look at you. He was busy with his work and you constantly found yourself watching him. Maybe he'd heard your voice mail, maybe not, but either way, he didn't seem to care anymore.

That month and a half you spent recovering- was it possible that he used that time away from you to get over you? The idea was haunting and tugged at your heart. To be the only one all-in was such an incredibly painful idea. What he said before you were dragged away into the depths of hell meant something to you and it kept you alive... and to think he probably didn't mean it...

You needed to stop thinking about it before it made you burst into a million pieces. To be surrounded by everyone who you loved and loved you back wasn't enough if you couldn't have Spencer, too. Selfish, it sounded so selfish, but it shook you to the core that he wasn't amongst them.

The day continued and more pain was endured. More overthinking, more fear, more insecurity. The day was nearing its end.

Everybody seemed like nobody when Spencer was out of the picture. You had spent so much time thinking about him in the hospital and at home in recovery, who were you without wondering you could make it work? Nobody. Without the fantasy you could be his, you stranded on some sort of island. You were nobody if not Spencer's.

So you were nobody.

It was that thought that keeled you over the edge in the parking lot of the BAU. So much fear, so much pent-up emotion, it was too much to contain and just... spilled over onto everything as your hands began to shake, followed by that godawful feeling in the pit of your stomach. Your knees gave out and you fell conveniently onto the curb next to your car.

There was nobody there, either. You were alone on the concrete curb, face in your shaking hand and the other shaking hand gripping the curb so hard your knuckles turned white. Too much, too little, everything was wrong and you couldn't face Spencer.

You looked up for a brief moment and there was a brief look at someone in a beige cardigan and khaki pants and your heart fell to the pit of your stomach- as if you were humiliated enough. Footsteps, closer.

"A-are you okay?" His voice was a little panicked, definitely not as bad as yours, though. Overall, you were just glad he was within six feet of you.

Of course, you were pretty much unable to reply. Your face stayed in your hands and you felt light fingers on your shoulder, his, and they were somewhat grounding. God, he was here and you couldn't even talk to him, you couldn't even raise your head.

"What do you need, I- what happened?" He cared. But to what extent? His hands felt frantic- they shook a little (again, not nearly as bad as yours) and they moved from your shoulder, to upper arm, to near your neck, to the side of your head. "If this is my fault, I-"

He stopped himself. How could he possibly know that it was the thought of him that sent this into motion? The voicemail didn't entail much other than he was on your mind. You hardly even noticed that you were crying from the anxiety attack until you felt how wet your hands were. Your words kept piling on your tongue and the panic rose again in an entirely new wave.

"Do you- do you need help? I can get Hotch or... Derek, Derek knows, I know, but I don't- I don't think you like me very much and I won't be of help-I-I-I-" His voice continued to ramble and you were flooded with new thoughts. How could he possibly think that you didn't like him? In those moments before you were taken, you had said yes to going out with him if you both made it out. You kissed him back then before the arms grabbed you and dragged you off. Where did the idea of you not liking him come from? It was you who was afraid he didn't like you back.

You wanted to speak, you wanted to say something but you were stuck in your own mind, desperately trying to fight this off, trying hard to calm your breathing. The most you could do was take your hand off of the curb and frantically grab his. You took his hand and you held it tight, trying to slow the sharp intakes of breath. That's when Spencer squeezed your hand and you began to feel better.

And when you did start to feel better and your breathing was still harsh, but better and you could finally move a little more, you did what you had wanted to do every day in the hospital. You leaned forward and wrapped your arms around Spencer, your arms resting around his shoulders. You needed it and apparently so did he, because he squeezed you back the same. Either it was that or he knew pressure helped. All you could do was hope it wasn't the latter.

Spencer of course buried his face in the crook of your neck like he had before and you knew now that this feeling was coming to an end. The tide was washing out and there was calm after the storm. No words, just your breathing becoming more natural and the wind over your ears. This was all that you needed.

He stayed like this with you for a good five more minutes before you could finally release him, pulling apart and your hand coming up to wipe under your eyes. He didn't speak then, either- he just watched, his face furrowed in concern.

So you spoke, "Spencer wh-" your voice cut out from still being in that state of anxiety. You coughed into your arm, tried again. "Why would you think I don't like you?"

"I-I- don't think that's the question, I- are you okay?" His hands went back to your shoulders bracingly.

You smiled a small smile, "I'm better, it's passed, but Spencer...' You slid into a whisper with the crying coming back. Had it really passed?

"Yes?" His reply was wary. As if afraid to break you, he tiptoed.

"Answer me, please."

He bit his lower lip into his mouth, sighing. "I don't know if I should, you're- you're upset."

You looked at him, dead-on, determined. "Please."

"You didn't call. Not once and I-I-I was worried and then I started to think about it and everything t-that happened before you were taken and that you probably only said and did that because you were about to-to-uh, die." He rambled, words spilling out. "So I thought maybe you didn't really like me and-"

"I was waiting for you to call, too," you actually let out a laugh. He smiled in realization. "Because I was afraid of the exact same thing. I was afraid you didn't mean it and I worked myself up- I called Friday night, though-"

"I didn't- I didn't know that-" he fumbled to bring his phone out of his pocket and he must have seen that he had a voicemail from you and nodded, a little smile appearing on his worried face. "So you did mean to say yes?"

"And you did mean to ask?" You inquired, head tilted.

"Y-yes, of course."

"Then yes," you replied, smile widening to a grin. "How is Saturday night? I think I'll be better by then."

He was positively beaming as he helped you back to your feet. "Saturday is... great. Are you sure you're alright?"

"Much better.... truthfully." You nodded excessively and Spencer began walking back to his car, but then came back quickly to kiss your cheek.

He was like a child excited to go run and tell friends, "Goodnight!"

"Night, Spence." You stood there, basking in the glory that was solved miscommunication. You weren't nobody, you were in fact, somebody. And you were soon to be Spencer's.

Tags: @ellyhotchner, @softhairedhotch, @laurakirsten0502

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[lunaorion]

Criminal Minds Fanfiction

Spoils of a New Year

Summary: Spencer, JJ, and Garcia are all going to Derek New year's party.

[ahcriminalmindslover-blog]

Criminal Minds: Alexis Blake Returns (on Wattpad) http://my.w.tt/UiNb/rxxva37aMC Alexis Blake returns in another case but this time not one bur multiple girls are in danger. One girl does escape. Will the killer be caught after he escapes but before he hurts another teenage girl? Will the girl survive?

[gayforbauladies]

Nothing To Everything

Ch. 4 Three Little Dots

Word Count: 6743

We walked into the round room and sat down. Emily was the first to talk before any of the guys could.

"We were supposed to be off, do not judge. We had to initiate Izzy into girls night." 

JJ then added, “Also didn't hurt that Izzy is friends with the owners of Mike's bar so we got all of our drink for half price all night. I don't even remember how we got to Penelope's." 

"Wait... does anyone remember how we got to Penelope's? Because I do not either." I chimed in, but then my phone buzzed from a text. 

Mike: I have all of the car keys for whoever drove to the bar. I put you all in an Uber to the colorful girl's house since you all insisted you didn't want girls night to end. You had four of those alcohol bowls all different flavors so I can only imagine how you guys are feeling. Drink lots of water. Will return all of  the keys and cars the next time you all come here and are fit to drive home. It was a blast seeing you drunk. 

"Mike got us an Uber apparently, and has all of our car keys." With that all the males started laughing, even Hotch let a smile slip onto his face before banishing it quickly. Hotch started presenting the case as JJ wasn't able to look it over beforehand. 

"We are heading to Montana. A small town in the woods have seen multiple abductions. The unsub takes the person from the center of town, keeps them for three days, then returns them right outside of the police precinct. When they are returned they do not remember what has happened to them, cannot describe the unsub and has a tattoo that they can't remember how they got. The wifi and service is spotty at best so Garcia you are coming with. Wheels up in 30." 

Thankfully I do not recognize any part of this case, but it does seem familiar. I head to my desk and grab my go bag to change my clothes. Apparently all of us had the same idea because when I opened the women's bathroom door everyone else was already in there getting changed. 

"I think we should get an award for being this hungover and still being able to work." JJ said with a chuckle as she finished getting dressed. We all laughed and nodded our heads. 

"Does anyone remember what happened? I'm too afraid to text Mike back and ask if I did or said anything embarrassing." I asked in hopes that no one else remembered. They all shook their heads which made me calm down a little. "Is every girls night that crazy?" I asked curiously. 

"Not in the slightest." Tara replied with a laugh. At this point we all looked like professional women again so we headed out to the SUVs to go to the airstrip. The men had already left so we all piled in to one SUV and headed out. JJ drove while Penelope was in the passenger seat leaving Tara, Emily and me in the backseat. All I could focus on was how close Emily was to me. She had caught me staring at her way too often since starting so I forced myself to look out the window. Still though, her scent filled my nose and it was so comforting. She smells like wood smoke and a touch of perfume. She smells like perfection. 

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We arrived in Montana and everyone piled into SUVs to head into the town. It was a two hour drive from the airport, thankfully all of the women took naps on the plane. Somehow it ended up that all the women were in one SUV again driving to the town in the same positions as before. I was getting motion sick so I lead my head against the car door and tried to sleep to pass the time. 

I woke up when JJ was pulling the car into the precinct parking lot. I had shifted in my sleep and was laying on Emily's shoulder cuddling her arm. I released her and lifted my head with a blush. I looked at Emily and she was smiling at me. We got out of the car and it felt nice to stretch my legs. I looked around and it was as if the town was only two blocks big each direction and shaped like one big square with a park in the middle. It was a beautiful town. 

We entered the police precinct and it was tiny. I counted 5 desks and one office labeled "sheriff." Small town crimes like this are bittersweet. There is less places to hide, but the unsub most likely has lived here majority of their life meaning they know everywhere in town and the surrounding woods to hide. 

"You guys must be the FBI. I am Sheriff Smith." We all shook hands with the Sheriff and introduced ourselves. "Clearly, there is not much space in here for you to set up everything, but the mayor has allowed us to use a meeting room in the town hall as your base for however long you need to catch this person." He shuffled to the door and led us to the building next to the precinct. He walked in and then brought us into a meeting room with everything we said we needed. Based on his cycle he should be releasing someone tomorrow and we were going to be set up around the precinct to try and catch them. 

The sheriff left and Hotch turned to everyone. "Everyone group or pair off and start exploring the town. If we are going to catch this unsub we are going to need to be familiar with the town layout. Also go out around the woods while it is still daylight but make sure you are ensuring you know your way back. Penelope, start setting up your gear." Everyone nodded and headed outside. JJ, Tara, Emily and I joined together. 

"We should start in the woods since that is most likely where he is keeping them for the three days." JJ said then started walking towards the woods.

"Wait, stay right here a minute." I ran off into the closest convenience store and quickly came back with alphabet stickers and tape. The three of them looked at me like I was insane for buying them. "You put the alphabet stickers on the trees and tape them to ensure they stay on the tree. This way we can go where we want and don't have to worry about getting lost. It's like Hansel and Gretal using breadcrumbs, but these will stay where we put them and then on the way back we can take them off the trees so we don't give away were we have been. Also, the cardinal rule of exploring nature, leave it as good or better than you found it." They accepted that answer and we started walking. 

After a few minutes Emily started hanging back with me when I was marking the trees with the stickers. 

"Where'd you learn this?" She sounded impressed. 

"When I was a girl, an older man named Frank took me and my mom under his wing and acted like my grandpa when he saw how we lived. He was well off and had woods behind his house. He made me my own hideout cabin that I had complete control of. I was able to decide who could come in and when, he let me design and decorate it, it is one of my prized possessions. Even when he moved into a bigger house, he paid for the cabin to be moved to his new property and I still use it since I live with my mom still. It's very deep in the woods so he made signs on trees with a knife and taught me how to read them so I could always find my hideout, but it wasn't obvious. I was also known to just run away to the woods when I wanted to be alone so instead of yelling at me, he gave me rules when I had to come back and made sure I had ways to know how to get back." I smiled at all the memories and mentally noted to text Frank to see when he would be in his Virginia house next. He had houses all over the world which has been a dream of mine and he made me hideouts in each and every one of them. When I looked at Emily she was smiling at me and we just kept walking. Gosh, I could look at her smile all day and not get bored. 

After a few hours we turned around to go back into town. Penelope had finished setting her gear up and wanted to join us when we did our town adventure. Something felt odd when we got closer to the town, like someone was watching us. 

"Does anyone else feel that?" I whispered to the others in case the person was close. They all shook their heads no. I subtly looked around and found the person. They were hiding in between trees, but very much so watching us. It was a young adult, I would guess male and wearing all black. I looked at their face trying to imprint it to my memory and remembered their location markers. We don't have reliable communication with the rest of the team so I can't do anything now. 

"Walk faster. We are being watched in the woods with no reliable communication." With that everyone subtly increased their pace and we headed straight to find Hotch once we reached the town. 

We found Hotch in the meeting room setting up the board. Spencer was setting up his geographical profile of the town and surrounding woods. I grabbed a pen and shoved him aside. 

"Move before I forget this location." I marked the place on the map where I saw the person and turned to Hotch. "While we were walking back I saw a person watching us. They were trying to hide between trees and were wearing all black. It might have been nothing but I don't know, they gave off a bad vibe, like they were making sure we weren't going to walk that way." 

Hotch nodded while Spencer went back to the map pouting. 

"Sorry, Spencer, I needed to make sure I didn't forget the location. I'm not as used to these woods as I am back in Virginia." I did what I could do put everything back to how it was before I barged in. 

"Izzy is really knowledgeable at tracking in the woods. She bought stickers and tape so we could mark our path on trees so we wouldn't get lost coming back into town, but also not destroy the trees. It was pretty cool. She even put the alphabet in order so we knew how far we were." Emily seemed truly impressed with my skills which made me blush. I headed outside to try and hide it, plus it was hot in the meeting room. JJ and Tara were using the bathroom so we were waiting for them to come out. Penelope sat down beside me on the bench that I had decided to sit on. 

She handed me the cell phone hooked up to her signal. "Are you straight?" Penelope asked looking at me and my jaw visibly dropped. "I figure we are good enough friends now that I can just come out and ask." 

I tried to hide my laughter. "No, I am not straight. I am bisexual. Maybe next time ease into that question thought, Pen." I lost it and started cackling. "What made that come to your mind?"

"The way you sometimes act with Emily. I can't tell if you two are flirting or if you would act the same way with friends." 

"I'll be honest with you Penelope, sometimes I don't know with Emily either. The way I act with her and how she acts with me. Let's drop this conversation in case she comes out though, until we are alone with no way she can hear ok?" 

Penelope nodded and I laid my head on her shoulder while both of us just watched the sun set and the people walking in town. Just by watching the town you never would of thought that an unsub was lurking somewhere picking out who they were going to take tomorrow. We stayed like that until the others came out. 

"We have decided we are walking around to find food." JJ announced when they came out of the building. 

"I've seen a lot of locals go into that diner across the square. It seems like the popular place to get food. We can tell the others we are getting dinner there." 

"I just sent them a message, let's go!" Penelope jumped up and dragged me up with her. I laughed as we started walking towards the diner. I think I've laughed more since meeting Penelope than I have in a while. We got to the diner and one of the waitresses said to seat ourselves. I pulled them to the corner booth that would fit all of us, it also gave us a good view of everyone else in the diner. Soon the rest of the crew came and sat down with us. It was almost like a family meal. We ate, talked and just enjoyed each other's company. 

"Ok, we have a big day tomorrow. The sheriff said we have rooms at the inn in town. There isn't enough for everyone to have their own though. They all have two queen sized beds and a pullout." Hotch said and dropped keys on the table. 

I looked at the females, "we all slept in the living room of Penelope's apartment so we can all share one room, we would most likely all end up in one room anyway." The girls nodded and all the men took their own key with a shrug. 

Hotch looked at us with his stern face, "you are all adults, but let me remind you we have work to do so don't stay up too late." He made a point of looking at all the females. We all bursted in laughter. 

"Come on ladies, let's go explore the town." JJ said while getting up and the rest of us followed her. 

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After a few hours of going into every store of the town and talking to the people we headed to the inn. The room was a decent size, but not by any means big. We all put our bags down and claimed a bed. Penelope and JJ one bed, Tara and Emily took the other bed and I claimed the pullout couch. I flopped on the couch and just stared at the ceiling. I couldn't get that person watching us out of my mind, something didn't feel right. It was like my subconscious knew who they were, but my conscious didn't. Was this a town Frank brought me to? I don't remember, but he did take me along to some business trips that were one time things. I might as well text him to try and see. 

Me: Long time no talk, I miss you. I haven't seen you since I told you I got the BAU job. When will you be in Virginia next?

Me: Question, did you ever take me to a small town in Montana when I was a teenager?

I don't know if he would get those since I sent them on my normal phone, but it was worth a try. I decide to get changed into my pjs. 

"Izzy, I thought you said none of the case was familiar!?" Emily startled me, but they all were staring at my lower back.

"None of it is, what are talking about?" I was beyond confused now. 

"Izzy... you have the tattoo the unsub gives..." Emily said softly and brought me to the mirror. There it was, the three dots in shape of a triangle. If you didn't look closely, it would look like freckles. 

Frank: I did, once, when you were seventeen. We went for an extended weekend. You hung out with a boy for the first day, even slept at his house that night. I tried to get you to come back into town, but you said you had been drinking so I just let you stay there since he lived deep in the woods. That's all I know, though. You did send a picture of you both, I'll send it once I find it.

Frank: *one attachment* 

My face went white. I was the unsub's first victim and I had no clue. 

"Izzy... are you ok?" Emily came closer to me and put her hand on my shoulder. 

"I have to go talk to Hotch." I walked out of the room and down the hall to Hotch's room and banged on the door. 

"Izzy, what are you doing out in the hallway, banging on my door in your underwear?" I had completely forgotten I was getting changed when this information came to light. 

I turned around and pointed to where the tattoo was, "I was patient zero and didn't now until Emily pointed out the tattoo when I was changing. He tattooed me a place I wouldn't see and any other person thought it was freckles. I don't remember it, how don't I remember it?" I started sobbing in the hallway. Emily came out of the girls's room and covered me with a robe from the inn. In between sobs I told them what Frank had told me and showed them the picture. 

"There's nothing we can do tonight." Hotch looked at Emily. "Get her to bed and make sure all the windows are locked. If Ricci was his first victim, he probably was watching her earlier, not all of you." Emily nodded and led me to the room again. 

"Why do all of the cases involve me?" I didn't mean to say it out loud, but I did. When I imagined being in the BAU, I imagined hunting other people's demons, not my own. 

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I woke up and could tell I was crying all night. I saw Tara on the pullout couch and realized I had slept in one of the beds last night. Emily had one arm wrapped around me like she fell asleep comforting me. JJ and Penelope were in the other bed still fast asleep. I looked at the clock and it showed 7:08am. I might as well get up and get ready before everyone is trying to use the bathroom. I know it is going to take a while to cover up the evidence of me crying all night. I check my phone and see a message from Frank.

Frank: I just saw the news on the Montana abductions... and that the FBI is there. I'm guessing that includes you? 

I grabbed my phone and headed into the empty lobby of the inn. I clicked on Frank's number to call him. 

"How are you holding up, Little G?" I smiled at Frank's nickname for me. Little G, as in Little Gideon. 

"I cried all night, but now I gotta boss up and catch this little bitch. He was watching me yesterday when I was exploring the woods with the rest of the BAU ladies. He seemed familiar, but I didn't know why, that was the reason I texted you to ask." 

"You're the best person to be catching that son of a bitch. How are you liking the job?" Just hearing his voice made me feel stronger.

"I would love for the cases to stop involving my past, but other than that I love it. I'm just waiting for a case where I am at the starting line with the rest of my team." I chuckled a little. "Well, I got to get ready for the day, thanks for answering my call."

"I will always answer your call, night or day. Go catch the bad guy." We hung up and I headed back to the room to get ready. If Frank saw the case on the news then we have to work fast. 

I got out of the shower and got dressed. I started doing my makeup at the desk vanity when I heard Emily wake up with a gasp and it sounded like she was hitting the bed. Oh my god. She was looking for me.

"I'm right here Em. I'm right here." I turned around so she could see my face. Once she realized I was ok I could see the panic start to leave her face. 

"Don't do that to me. I thought the unsub took you!" She relaxed on the bed and looked at the time. It was now 8:15am and we had to meet at the precinct at 9am. "Oh my god, Everyone wake up! We have to be at the precinct in 45 minutes!" Emily jumped out of bed and into the bathroom. I laughed at how everyone else groaned like a zombie, realized what Emily said and also jumped out of bed to start getting ready. At 8:45am everyone was dressed and was now doing makeup and hair in various locations. I was sitting on the couch that was now a couch again waiting. All of the phones that Penelope gave us buzzed with a message. 

Hotch: Under no circumstances is Izzy to be alone. Preferably two other people are with her at all times. 

I read it out loud to everyone and sighed. I closed my eyes and tried to remember what happened that night. Nothing came to mind so I opened my eyes to find Emily looking at me. 

"It'll be ok. We'll give you a cognitive interview to try and pull the memories out." She gave me a reassuring smile as the rest of the crew filed together to start walking to the precinct. In the inn lobby we found Spencer, Derek and Luke waiting for us. Penelope grabbed my hand as we headed out of the inn. 

"If they want to get to you, they gotta get through all of us before one of us handcuffs them." I smiled at Penelope while everyone else let out a chuckle. We entered the precinct to find Hotch, my dad and Rossi waiting for us. My dad came over and gave me a hug which shocked me. 

"I called your mom to get advice on how to handle this situation as a father and she said you like hugs." He said it with no emotion somehow and I realized where I got my emotional detachment from. Everything my mom says has emotions. Penelope squealed and before I knew it I was getting a bear hug from her. I let out a small laugh and turned in her arms to give her a proper hug. 

"Let's head over to the meeting room." Hotch returned our attention to the task at hand. Once we stepped outside, I felt eyes on me. I grabbed the closest hand I could. I just needed to know that if I was about to be taken there would be a fight by more than just me. I didn't realize I had grabbed Hotch's hand until he whispered to me. 

"Do you see him?" His voice was so soft, it was like when he told me he was coming to check on me my first day.

"I can sense his eyes on me." My voice was so quiet I wasn't even sure Hotch had heard me. He didn't let go of my hand until we were in the meeting room. 

"Rossi, Gideon, Morgan go look in the town for the guy. He was just watching Ricci. Go to the coffee stand outside so it looks like we aren't on to him. Penelope, start running the face recognition on the photo."  Hotch was back to his normal boss personality. 

The three dots on my lower back felt like they were burning, I was hyperaware of their permanent fixture on my body now. I looked at the whiteboard and saw the photo Frank sent me wasn't hanging up. I went around to the other side of the board and found the picture with some notes. I sat down and stared at the picture willing any memory to come to me. My thoughts kept going back to the fact that this was my second case in the BAU and so far I had ties to both of them. Pretty soon it is going to raise some red flags. I mentally blocked those thoughts and stared at the photo. I focused on the white noise of the heating and cooling system and the rest of the team talking. Soon I felt a lull fall over myself and I was transported to what I thought was a dream I had had when I was younger. 

 -Flashback-

"C'mon smile for the camera!"  I couldn't feel my body. I couldn't move. I saw a flash that must have been the camera and then the picture printing. It must have been a polaroid camera. I couldn't move my head to look at him. I felt the breeze on every piece of my body, I was naked. My view was as if I was standing, but I couldn't feel the floor. I went to go talk, but nothing came out. 

-Present- 

"RILEY!" I was pulled out of the memory and everyone was looking at me. "His name is Riley. He paralyzed me. He strapped me to some kind of contraption that held me upright, but he could get to anywhere on my body. I was naked, I felt the cold in every part of my body. I would say I was underground, but I'm not a hundred percent sure. He takes pictures with a polaroid, or at least he did to me. My mind was intact, it was as if I was just a floating head. I must've been strapped in to make sure I didn't fall or get away. I couldn't even turn my head." I said that so fast to make sure I didn't forget anything. "I thought it was a nightmare, a recurring nightmare I had for years afterwards. I would wake up screaming, not remembering what I was afraid of." They all looked at me like I hate being looked at. Like I was fragile, like I was going to break at any point. "All of you stop lookin at me like that. Now." To my disbelief, everyone besides Penelope did stop, they put their profiler mask back on. Penelope, however, came running to me and brought me in to a big hug, almost knocking over the chair I was sitting in. 

"We are going to catch this monster so no one else has to go through that. We also know his name!" Penelope was of course optimistic as always, but it did make me smile. She hurried back to her computer to put the name in the parameters. The team was taking turns patrolling the town to try and see when he abducts someone. 

I walked over to Hotch who was sitting at one end of the room by himself. I sat down next to him and spoke quietly, "he may not take someone else. He may be waiting to take me again." It was a terrifying thought, but it was probably correct. "He knows I am in town, he knows I'm FBI. He still thinks I don't remember. I am the ultimate challenge for him." Hotch stayed quiet for a second before stopping what he was doing and turning to look at me. 

"I know what you're thinking and no, we are not using you as bait, not until we exhaust every other single strategy. I am not putting you through that again if we don't have to. You don't remember everything and I am hoping you never have to, but if we use you as bait it may come back." He went back to work as if he didn't just display an emotion. I may be new, but I know that is rare. 

"I should at least go pretend to patrol with the others. He won't show himself if I don't go out and he'll start to suspect my memory coming back if I'm not acting normally. I am the only one except Penelope who has gone patrolling." 

Hotch nodded in agreement, "ok, you have a point. You'll go out after lunch." I got up and went to go sit by Penelope. I laid my head on her shoulder and she patted my head. Soon the rest of the team rolled back into the meeting room. None of them saw anything, as I expected. Everyone was hungry so as a group we went to the diner for lunch. Since we were in public we couldn't talk about the case as much. It was a nice break. 

After we ordered I felt his eyes on me. I felt my body start to tense before I willed myself to relax. I was sitting next to Emily and quickly grabbed her hand, tightly. She looked at our hands for a split second, then to my face. I pretended nothing had changed so I wouldn't tip him off. After multiple tries I caught Hotch's eye. I let the panic show in my eyes for a split second then masked it again. I caught movement in my peripheral vision and scooted closer to Emily. My heart was going a mile a minute as if it remembered everything he once did to me. Emily squeezed my hand and I looked at her to see her already looking at me. I vaguely heard Hotch say he would be back and get up. Before I knew it I was sucked into another memory

-Flashback-

"What can I get started for you two?" I sat opposite of Riley at the local diner. I smiled at the waitress, "I'll have a water and a cheeseburger with fries please." The waitress was pretty, I looked at her name plate, Heather. Riley ordered, but didn't look up or say please. Once we ordered Riley excused himself to the bathroom. Heather brought us our drinks and  bent down to my ear, "he is not someone you should be alone with. If you ever want one of us to intervene and say the guy you came to town with said you had to meet with him now look at us then put your hair up in a pony tail."  She left just as fast as she came. Why would she say I shouldn't be alone with Riley? 

-Present-

I snapped back to reality and looked around the diner. Emily is watching me and nods understanding I was remembering a memory. Heather was young when I first came to town, she might still work at the diner. Hotch is still looking for Riley as he slowly comes back from wherever he went. I look at each waitress's name tag until I see one go behind the counter. There's no mistaking it is Heather. She sees me as I see her. She smiles then walks to our waitress and says something then starts walking over to our table. I take my phone out and open the notes app. I type out "we know he is watching me, but don't know where he is" and wait for Heather to come over.  

"Hi, can I get you anything?" Heather smiles at me. I push the phone so she can view it. 

"A refill would be amazing, diet coke please. And can all of our meals be changed for to go?" She nods and takes my cup while I lock my phone. I make eye contact with Hotch and then nod towards Heather slightly hoping he gets my message. I watch her walk to another table on the opposite side of the diner with a pitcher of water. She starts filling the cup of a white man, probably in his mid 30s. Suddenly she tips over the glass onto his lap and he jumps up. 

"Fuck! You can't even fucking pour water you low life!" I know that voice, my subconscious knows that scream. I pull Emily up by the hand and motion for Derek to come with me and speed walk out of the diner with my dad behind us. I don't stop until we are in the meeting room. 

"My subconscious knows that voice. He yells when he tortures." I sat down and started looking at what Penelope had found on him. We needed concrete evidence to be able to arrest him. I don't think we would get what we needed until we found his torture location. I hope he wont try and take Heather. I turn to my dad, "we need to protect Heather, the waitress. He may go after her for spilling the water on him. In my memory I had at the diner Heather tried to warn me about him and gave me an escape plan." He nodded and messaged Hotch I'm guessing. I turned back to Penelope's work. We have his home address, but it is one on the outskirt of town he shares with his parents. 

I turn to Penelope's computer and start doing my own research. 

Rossi walks in and sees what I'm doing. "Penelope is not going to like you messing around on her computer." 

"She'll have to forgive me if I find stuff on the unsub." I don't lift my eyes from the computer. He's smart, he wouldn't send torture supplies to a house his parents live in. He must send them to the torture location since there's no PO boxes in the town. I code so I can find the sites no one else can, the ones where if you have enough money you can get anything. I am so focused in what I'm doing I don't even notice the others return from the diner. 

"I found it! I found his torture location! It is near where I saw him." They all looked at me like I was insane. Penelope came over to see as if she didn't believe me.

"I have been working on finding this address the whole time since we learned his name, how did you find it in less than an hour?" I can't tell if she was annoyed or in awe, maybe a mixture of both. She hadn't looked up from my computer work either.

"I was done with us not having a lead that could get us an arrest now that we know what he looked like. I have decent computer skills so I decided I would take a look. I figured he wouldn't want his parents asking questions about shipments, so he would have to ship his supplies right to the torture cabin since there are also no local PO boxes. I then decided to focus on the tattoo stuff. Ink needs to be new to be used so I figured when he started up again he would need new ink and maybe some other supplies. So I went on typical sites you buy those tools. I hacked into their cloud and searched through orders until I found one sent to around here with some type of Riley alias." Penelope was still looking over my work muttering to herself while everyone else was looking at me like I had three heads. 

"Looks like you have some competition PG!" Derek said through a laugh. 

"So... are we gonna go over to the address or...?" I nudged them a little to get this case over with. I started to move where we had put our FBI vests and the others followed. Soon we were in the SUVs driving to the location. We got to the location and saw a small cabin that looked run down. Vines were growing on the cabin, bushes were overgrown and there was a broken down truck parked outside. We heard music coming from inside the cabin, loud music. Hotch gave us directions and we started entering the cabin from all angles. Once we got in the smell of cigarettes, beer and stale blood filled my nose. The music stopped and we looked around. Hotch asked in the ear pieces if that was any of us. I heard all the groups say no and all of us tensed. He was here, with us. 

"Welcome back Isabella!" I somehow tensed even more. "Here's how this is going to go, Isabella is going to come downstairs, alone. We'll talk then we'll see how it goes from there. You have the place surrounded and there is only one exit/entry to the basement so I can't escape." Hotch looked at me and I made sure I had my bravest face on. He nodded and I started towards the door still death gripping my gun. I left the door open while I headed down the steps. I heard Hotch moving people to make sure we had eyes on every single location around the cabin. I stepped down and saw the place of my nightmares. I saw the contraption that held me upright, I saw the straps, I even saw the tattoo gun. Riley was sitting in a chair facing the stairs to the right of the contraption. 

"Hello, Isabella." He had such a darkness to his tone. I kept my gun pointed at his chest. 

"What do you want?" I was over his games. 

"I want you to scream my name like you did when you were seventeen." I kept my face neutral despite how much I wanted to throw up. 

"I'm never going to scream your name again. I'm happy I don't remember doing it in the first place." He stood up while looking at me up and down. 

"Stop right there, come any closer and I'll shoot." I didn't want to be in arms reach of him. 

"You know, the high I got when I knew I got away with what I did to you was the best. I started abducting more people to chase that high. I didn't realize I got away with it until you woke up and smiled at me with that seductive smile of yours. Damn, I almost never let you leave my bed that morning. Especially when I got a glimpse of the three dots I tattooed on you." 

"Is there a point to this story, or are you just stalling? Because I do not need a trip down memory lane." It was so hard not to throw up and keep a neutral face. I recognized he was pulling out a gun a second before it was too late. I fired my gun and felt something hit me. I got propelled back and heard my team running down the stairs. I was on the floor to the right of the steps and my vision was starting to blur either from tears or pain. I reached for my arm and felt blood. His bullet grazed my arm, my bullet went through his heart. 

Emily was in front of me, "Are you ok? Oh my god you got shot."

"I'm ok, it just grazed me." I got up to my feet. "Please take me out of this basement and cabin." She led me upstairs and out towards the SUV. Before she could lead me to the ambulance I quickly made a turn towards an overgrown bush and threw up. I threw up all of my stomach contents and some more. Emily pulled my hair back out of my face and rubbed my back. Once I felt like I wasn't going to vomit anymore I let her lead me to the ambulance. The paramedic looked at my arm and decided I just needed to get it bandaged and didn't have to go to the hospital since the closest one was an hour away. My arm got bandaged and I was told to see my doctor for follow up care when we got back to Virginia. Emily brought me to one of the SUVs and climbed in behind me. I laid my head on her shoulder just needing to know she was there. We stayed like that until it was time to go to the airstrip. 

[gayforbauladies]

Nothing To Everything

Ch. 3 Aftermath and Girls Night

Word Count: 3352

I stayed at the pub last night since I couldn't bear to leave them after not seeing them in almost a decade. I made sure to message the team and let them know that Antonio would drive me to the airstrip in the morning. We stayed up all night drinking and catching up. Now that it was morning and I am running off of three hours of sleep with a hangover, I am grateful the flight is not that long. I will just hide in the corner of the jet and sleep.

Antonio practically carried me to the car since the sun was too bright even with sunglasses on. He laughed the whole time at my pain. "You really should've remembered that you had to fly back with your team in the morning." I glared at him, "I remembered, I just wanted to try and forget the fact that it was my first case and I already had to tell them a piece of my past." "And how'd that work for you?" Antonio said with a laugh. "I believe my spiral is going to be even harder from my attempt to drown out the demons in my head." The rest of the car ride was silent. Looking at the SUVs already on the airstrip I gathered I was the last person to arrive. Antonio got out of his car and grabbed my go bag for me from the back. He handed it to me then pulled me into a big hug. I could sense the team watching from the jet. "Take care of yourself, Iz. Don't lose yourself in this job." He released me from the hug and walked me to the steps. I got on the jet and sat in the corner by myself. I started tearing up so I tried to hide my face by pulling my hood over my head. I could feel them trying to watch me subtly. I got my crying under control and lifted my hood a little to try and act normal. I tried to sleep but every time I closed my eyes I saw all of the team's horrified faces when they learned I knew Antonio and the gang. When it seemed that I was about to lose it I felt someone sit next to me. I looked and saw Emily next to me with a reassuring smile on her face. She leaned into my ear and whispered, "I know what it feels like to be the newbie with a dark past. You're going to be ok." That was the only thing she said all flight, but she stayed next to me. For some reason just knowing she was next to me was calming. The jet landed and we all filed towards the SUVs that were waiting for us. We drove back to Quantico and all headed upstairs to the sixth floor. We had to continue working since it was midday. Penelope was waiting for us when the elevator opened.

"Oh I am so happy to see all your faces again, especially the newcomer!" She looked at me with such enthusiasm and I tried to reciprocate it, but I was too tired and drained. "Izzy come to my lair and tell me all about it!" She practically dragged me to her office and the rest of the team watched with a smile. I guess this was typical for Penelope, which didn't exactly surprise me. Emily yelled after us, "Go easy on her Pen! We don't want to run her off!" She gave me a warm smile and laughed watching Penelope wave her comment off by literally waving her hand in Emily's direction. Penelope's lair was dark lit, but decorated with every color you could imagine. Her desk had an army of trinkets and decorations in all colors. The main theme seemed to be unicorns and rainbows. Penelope motioned for me to sit on the couch that was to the left of the door as she sat in her desk chair. Penelope started talking in between sipping her tea. "So Derek told me you saved his ass because you knew the gang. Please tell me all about that so I may hold it over his head for the rest of his life." Penelope looked like an eager child waiting for my reply. I started to tell Penelope the story and realized that she was really easy to talk to, and was just a happy person to be around. There was no darkness that surrounded her despite working in the BAU and seeing most of the same things the profilers do. We heard the door open and Emily, JJ and Tara walked in. At this point I was laying fully across the couch as if I was in a therapy session and we were talking about animals. They smiled looking at how comfortable I was and how big Penelope's smile was. I sat up and made room for them on the couch. Emily sat next to me, JJ sat next to Emily and Tara was last on the couch.

"It's been an hour since Penelope dragged you into her lair so we wanted to come check on you, but clearly you took to Penelope just as fast as everyone else did too." JJ said with a laugh as Penelope smiled even wider somehow. "Do you know what we need gals? A girls night. We haven't had one in so long and we have a newcomer to initiate into the group!" Penelope squealed at the thought and everyone laughed and nodded. "So it's settled, Friday night, the day after tomorrow, we shall have a girls night! I can host!" I looked around at the three woman surrounding me. It feels as if I had known Penelope for years when today was the longest time I had ever talked to her. Tara is the woman I wish I could be with how smart she is. JJ is so loving and I can tell she cares deeply for everyone on the team. Emily, I don't even know how to describe Emily. Something about her just draws me to her. She has such a softness to her, but also she has the same eyes as me, darkness in the eyes showing a troubling past she is trying to hide. I didn't realize I had been staring at Emily until she turned to look at me. I quickly looked away and felt my cheeks turning red. I got up and headed to the door, "Girls night sounds amazing, but in order to be able to go I need to go do work as I haven't done anything since coming back from the case earlier." I didn't wait for anyone to reply and just left. I was so utterly aware of Emily staring at me while I walked away. I got to my desk and just sit there for a second trying to gather my wits. My nervous system was still on high from the case situation. I put on both my earbuds and put on 8D audio music to help me focus. The 8D helps calm the nervous system which I found out in college and immediately started utilizing it. I start on the paperwork and the rest of the world just disappears as I needed it too. I feel multiple people glancing at me throughout the time of me doing work, but I don't bother to look up to see who it is. I know I am dancing in my seat after a little bit, music never fails to level out my moods. After a few hours, I finish my work and start to pack my things up.  I say goodbye to those in the bullpen and head to the elevator.

------------------------------------------

I walk into work and it is finally Friday. I just have to get through today and then I get to hang with the girls tonight. Yesterday I learned that Hotch talked to Erin Strauss, the Section Chief, about my gang ties, but she already knows about them. I made sure I knew the fewest people I had to tell and then told them everything to cover my butt, it still doesn't help when my past comes up on cases. Strauss did tell me I should think about letting Hotch read the intake paperwork on all of my affiliations, I told her I would tell her today my decision. I have a meeting with her at 1:30pm today to let her know. I can see how Hotch knowing would be helpful, I know it is the right decision. I just need my nervous system to also realize that fact. I do work all morning. I got everything I wanted done before lunch which is nice. I leave the bullpen and head to Penelope's lair to eat the lunch I packed. As soon as I got into her lair I plopped onto the couch which is what made Penelope turn to look at me. With Penelope I was too tired to mask my feelings which I know she saw. I trusted Penelope, she was turning into one of the best friends I have ever had. Which I guess wasn't hard since I didn't have many friends growing up, let alone girl friends, but that is besides the point. Penelope finished what she was doing and turned her chair to face me. She looked at me laying on the couch with my food container on my chest and I was pitifully shoveling food into my mouth. "Ok, what is wrong with you? You've been weird since the case, but this is extreme." Penelope sounded really worried. "I have to make a huge decision by 1:30pm today when I have a meeting with Strauss." I replied with the bare minimum. I know Penelope is a master technological wizard and probably has tried to cyber stalk me, but Frank made sure I knew computers and how to erase anything I didn't want people to see that was uploaded by me or other people and make sure they were tucked away into a part of the internet that only I could get too. Still, I wondered how much of the stuff I lazily hid she had found. I had done my own cyber stalking of them and found a lot, even an obituary for Emily, which confused me so much, but knew it was probably about a case and I would find out in time.

Curiosity got the better of me so I asked, "How much did you find when you cyber stalked me?" Her face went wide with surprise, then she shrugged like once she thought about it she wasn't that surprised that I knew. "I didn't find much, to be honest. Honestly, I don't even know why I didn't find much." That comforted me, if Penelope Garcia hasn't been able to hack me, no one could. I just went back to eating. Penelope broke the silence, "What is the big decision you have to make that involves Strauss?" Since it was Penelope, I told her the partial truth. "I have to figure out if I want to give Hotch the intake file that has all of my affiliations. I came into this job hoping to have the least amount of people possible have access to it, but after my first case I can see where it would be helpful to have Hotch be aware." Penelope gaped at me, "You have enough affiliations you have a file?" I couldn't hide the surprise on my face, "It's not usually a file?" Penelope laughed and pulled up a single file. "This is what most people have in their file about their affiliations, and it usually has a singular note that says they have none. You must be one-of-a-kind if you have a whole file and they still hired you." With that I just dropped my head back in defeat and let the silence fill the room.

Soon the rest of the woman came and joined Penelope and me in the lair for lunch and conversation not about my file started. At 1:15pm I got up, said my goodbyes and headed to the elevator. All the girls wished me luck knowing I had to deal with Strauss. I pressed the up button and got on the elevator pressing floor 10. Strauss opened her office door right at 1:30 to let me in. She motioned for me to sit in a chair on the opposite side of her desk as herself. "Did you give any thought to my suggestion?" She kept her face neutral. "I gave it entirely too much thought last night, so much that I felt nauseous." I paused while the horror set in that I just said that to the Section Chief. "I came to the decision to give him the file. After being on my first case, I can now see how having Agent Hotchner aware of my past would be helpful." Strauss nodded and then went to a filing cabinet behind her. She unlocked it and got my file out for me. She handed the file to me and said, "For what it is worth, I think this is the right choice too. I can only imagine how hard it is for you to have to try and hide the skills you have gained from this file." With that I walked out of her office and went to the elevator. That was the easy part, getting the file, now I have to walk past the bullpen to Hotch's office and actually give this file to Hotch.

I got to the sixth floor and everyone was back at their desks doing work. They all looked up when I opened the door and gave the file a confused look. It was a pretty big file, especially for when the norm is to have a singular paper with a singular checkmark. I knocked on the door frame to let Hotch know someone was there and he called me in. I closed the door silently thanking whatever upper power there was that Hotch had his blinds closed already. "I want you to know that this decision didn't come easy to me." I clutched the file to my body. "Strauss indicated yesterday that if you were aware of my affiliations, it would be easier in the field as you wouldn't be blindsided. I also want to say, despite being affiliated with a bunch of different groups, I grew up being primed to be in the FBI. My past makes me unique, it makes me a tool. It gave me skills and the knowledge of things others can't even begin to imagine." I laid the file on his desk. "Saying this, I cannot be in the room when you read it and would appreciate discretion with the file. I want to make a name for myself for my skills, not my past. Thank you." I turned and left his office closing the door on my way out.

Everyone was staring at me, I started to panic. I grabbed my laptop off my desk deciding to go somewhere else to finish my work. I remember seeing a bumped-out window that had a bench  at the end of the hall where no one usually goes since only a storage closet is there for the custodial staff. It was perfect, I couldn't be seen by the end of the hallway. I sat on the bench and just looked out the window for a second trying to ground myself. For being in a window, it was surprisingly comfortable. I did more than half of my paperwork for the day figuring something like this would happen. I got the rest of the paperwork done and then headed back to the bullpen to get my stuff and leave. I got my stuff and left without talking to anyone, once I got to my car I messaged in the group chat of the BAU women asking what time girls night was and for the address. I headed home to change then to the bar down the street from where my mom and I live where I am a regular. Mike's is a cheap bar which has good food and drinks, and Mike has become a good friend since moving back here.

"Izzy! Why are you here so early in the day?" Mike immediately saw me when I walked in. He probably saw my car enter the parking lot on the security cams. "I am starving and am going to a girls night with my new coworkers so I figured I would come here to remind myself I can be social despite what my brain is telling me right now!" I said in a joking, but serious tone. "The usual food? Cheeseburger and cheese fries?" Mike knew me too well, I just nodded. I sat down at my usual barstool to wait. "Do you want a drink?" Mike asked after he put in my food. "Diet Coke? The one thing I was told about girls night is that a lot of alcohol is involved so I probably should hold off on that." I chuckled while Mike smiled at that comment and got me my soda. Soon my phone buzzed and the rest of the BAU women were trying to figure out how girls night should go. JJ asked if we should start off at a bar then end up at Penelope's house which everyone agreed. I messaged back and said I was at Mike's already if they wanted to meet me here. They seemed excited about that and said they'd be here soon.

"You should hire me as an ambassador, looks like girls night is starting here tonight." I joked at Mike. Before Mike could reply someone interrupted us. "IZZY! I am personally bringing your food out because I missed you!" Michael, the head chef, was bringing my food to me. It always makes me chuckle how the two co-owners are Mike and Michael of this bar. I smiled when I saw him though and rubbed my hands together dramatically while staring at my food to get a chuckle out of them both. As the time got later, the bar got packed as it is every Friday night. After I finished my food I put a reserved sign on a table for girls night to ensure we had a spot. Soon after the girls made their way into the bar. I went over to them to join. "Hey! This table over here with the reserved sign is ours!" We made our way to the table when I asked, "So how does this work? Do we drink just wine or is liquor allowed? Because Mike makes great group cocktails that I've wanted to try since moving here but haven't come in a group yet." All of their eyes lit up, but Penelope was the one to talk. "Liquor at the bar, wine at the house! Go order one of the group cocktails!" I smiled and turned towards the bar. Five minutes later I was walking back with a huge punch bowl filled with bright blue liquid with fruit and candy floating in it. I set it down on the table with five straws and everyone smiled. -------------------------------

The next thing I remember is waking up in a strange apartment. From the decorations, I'm guessing we somehow made it back to Penelope's apartment. We were all scattered across the main room of the apartment and a phone was ringing. I checked mine and saw a bunch of texts from Hotch and my dad. Shit. We had a case. "Everyone wake up! Uber We have a case and need to be at Quantico in 15 minutes!" Everyone groaned, then the words kicked in and we were all grabbing pain killers and taking turns using the bathroom. We were not dressed for work at all, but we could change from our go bags at the office. Within ten minutes we were heading out to the Uber that Penelope called since none of us were fit to drive. 

[gayforbauladies]

Nothing To Everything

Ch. 1: The Beginning

word count: 1702

I have waited for this day my whole life, but right now sitting in the parking lot of the FBI headquarters in Quantico, I can't help but wonder if I should've gone about this a different way. I can't think about that right now; I just have to get through the initial shock then hopefully it'll go better. I get out of my car, fix my outfit and then head inside to the elevator and press the round "6" button. Once on the correct floor I keep my head down and go to Agent Hotchner's office.

"You must be Agent Ricci." Agent Hotchner greets me after I walk in with his head still in paperwork.

"Hi, yes please call me Isabella or Bella or Izzy." That's when Agent Hotchner finally looks up at me and does a double take.

"Oh, uhm yes ok. Sorry you just really look like one of our other agents, I almost thought he was in here with a wig on. Please call me Hotch." This isn't helping with my nerves. "If you follow me I'll start introducing you to the team starting with Agent Gideon.” Ok, now my heart is in my throat. I have to speak up before Hotch starts to lead me towards the door.

"Im guessing you saw my full name when you did my paperwork?" Agent Hotchner looks at me weirdly.

"No, I actually didn't, but it is in this file." He says while flipping open my file and his face does a little twitch that not everyone would notice when he sees my name.

"Isabella Gideon Ricci?" He chokes the middle name out connecting the dots.

"Yes, I'm Jason Gideon's daughter. He hasn't met me but I grew up knowing about him which inspired me to become a profiler. My mom has sent updates about me, including pictures, but I don't know if he ever opened them or even got them. So if you could just gauge the situation when we go into his office that would be amazing." I say all of that in one breath and feel like I'm going to pass out and it shows on my face. Hotch  just slowly nods and leads me out of the door. The bullpen is full of people, most of whom are looking at me sizing me up once the initial shock wears off of my resemblance to my father. We walk a few steps and end up outside the office right next to Hotch's. He knocks on the door and waits until a voice on the other side tells us to come in. Hotch hesitantly opens the door and walks in before me.

"Gideon, this is our new agent Isabella Ricci." Just as Hotch was when I entered, Gideon has his head buried in paperwork.

"Hi..." Gideon lifts his head and I can't tell if he recognizes me or is just shocked by the resemblance. "Did... Did you say Ricci?" He is talking to Hotch but is staring at me.

"Yes, I'm Isabella Ricci." I try and sound confident, but I feel like a mouse.

"Ricci... as in Izzy? Izzy Ricci?" Gideon seems to be putting it together. I just nod in confirmation. Gideon starts to slowly get up out from behind his desk. I don't know what to expect so I'm just standing there, rigid.

"Your mom mentioned in her latest letter you were starting a new job, but didn't tell me it was here... that you were going to be my coworker." The two of us are just staring at each other processing everything as Hotch slipped out closing the door behind him.

"So you do read the updates mom sends you." I don't know how to feel about that. On one hand, at least he cared enough to continue reading all the updates, but on the other, he knew we were only a three and half hour drive. I mean mom and I drove that to visit family every holiday she had off work.

He was quiet for a moment before answering. "I did read them, I saved them too. They were all I had of you, even if they didn't start until you were six years old. I thought of driving to meet you numerous times. I always stopped myself because I didn't want the people I hunted in this job to use you against me. I figured you were better off not being associated with me." I waited a second before grinning and saying, "with what mom tells me about you, that amount of emotion from you is all I'm going to get for the rest of my life." Gideon smiled and went to sit back behind his desk as I went to leave.

I walk back to Hotch's office processing what just happened. I'll have to message my mom her update on how it went when I get the chance. I am about to knock on Hotch's door when it suddenly opens. He is just as surprised to see me as I am as to see him.  "I was just going to come check on you...you should meet the other members." I can't tell for sure but I sense a little bit of concern in his tone. The big emotionless boss I've read about, concerned about a girl he met thirty minutes ago. I know the BAU is like a family, but I didn't think it was this fast. He ushered me into a third little office that was labeled "David Rossi" and introduced me,

"Rossi, this is our new agent, Agent Ricci." Rossi was an older dude, Italian, he looked comforting. Rossi turned his gaze to me. "Ahh another Italian, I like you already!" He smiled at me in a grandfatherly way and I knew he was going to be someone I would trust easier than the others.

"Please, call me Izzy." I replied with a smile as Hotch led me to the bullpen again. Once again, the rest of the team was staring at me.

"Can you introduce me to the rest of the team so they can stop gawking?" I purposefully said this on the louder side so the rest of the team could hear me. Hotch nodded and led me to the center of the bullpen where the others were gathers around one desk from talking about me. As I descend the stairs each and every other member of the BAU size me up. They all look from me to each other then back to me and all of a sudden I feel self conscious.

"This is our new Agent, Agent Ricci." Hotch does the formal introduction.

"Hi, please call me Izzy. And to clear up confusion from my looks, here's a summary. Gideon is my father, he didn't know I existed until I was six, you all just witnessed our first meeting, he didn't know I was joining the FBI so no he didn't help me get this job, I got this job because I put in the work and have a unique background." I tried to sound confident and badass, but they all just stared at me for too long. "Ok, I know I have some of Gideon's features but not enough to get gawked at like this, didn't you learn not to stare in kindergarten?"

They all seemed to snap out of their trance at the same time. The first person to speak up was a good looking male. "I'm SSA Derek Morgan and yes, we originally were staring because of the Gideon resemblance, but as soon as you stepped in the bullpen we noticed how good looking you are." I just stood there with my jaw on the floor. A blonde peppy looking female playfully smacked Morgan and then turned to me. "Don't mind Morgan, he is very forward with this topic. I'm Penelope Garcia FBI technical analyst." She had such a warmth about her that I instantly trusted her. Hotch took over and introduced the other agents as Jennifer Jareau, Dr. Spencer Reid, Dr. Tara Lewis, Luke Alvez and Emily Prentiss. Hotch pointed to a desk and said, "this will be your desk, go ahead and get setup. There is an email in your inbox with the paperwork you need to do to officially become a member of the BAU." Hotch turned to the rest of the team, "the rest of you get back to work too."

With that I sat down at my desk and took a second to catch my breath while the computer turned on. Social anxiety apparently doesn't care that those people are now my coworkers. My heart rate was increasing each second and that familiar pressure on my chest increased. The pressure kept increasing, more than usual, more than ever before. I got up abruptly and headed outside of the bullpen. The elevator happened to open when I got to the hallway so I entered and hit one, fresh air will help. I caught a glimpse of the bullpen when the elevator was shutting and saw my new coworkers looking at me confused. Once I was on the first floor I quickly went outside since everything had started feeling like it was collapsing in on me. One of the more annoying after effects of the trauma I've endured in my life. I focused on the potted flowers trying to calm down my body. Breathe in two three four, exhale two three four and repeat. I felt a little calmer and decided I would just push through the paperwork because then the day would be over. I went back up to the sixth floor and when I entered the bullpen I was once again feeling similar to what zoo animals feel like as I walked back to my desk and got to work. 

This paperwork is entirely tedious and all is included in either my application or in the paperwork I already had to do. It didn't help that I could sense people taking turns looking at me. I finished the paperwork and submitted everything right as Hotch exited his office. 

"Ricci have you finished the paperwork?" Hotch looked directly at me. 

"I just hit submit on the last thing, sir." He nodded at me before saying, "good, then join us at the round table," he looked around the room, "we have a case." 

[gayforbauladies]

Set It Free

Emily x y/n fanfic

based off of a tiktok POV by @/emily.prxntisss

word count: 7,591

Description: Y/n and Emily were in a serious relationship until Emily left y/n to go work at Interpol. So what happens when Y/n starts a new job and is met with Emily three years later as coworkers?

“If you take one more step Emily, I will never forgive you. This will be over, we will be over.” I hold my breath as Emily stops. 

“I’m sorry, y/n.” Then she walks away. My vision becomes blurry with tears. She said she would stay with me forever. She said our future was set once I had gotten accepted into the Academy. I guess it was my fault for believing her, everyone leaves me eventually. 

…………………………………..

I got through it. Barely, but I survived. I put all of my effort into my training and then into my job. I put everything into being number one. If I wasn’t sleeping, I was doing something to further my career, all three years since I realized I was destined to go through life alone. It paid off as I’m currently heading to Quantico to start in the BAU. 

I get off at the sixth floor and make my way to Agent Hotchner’s office. It seems as if every agent turned my way as I walked up the steps and knocked on the office door. I pushed the door open and walked in when a voice called “come in.” 

“Hi, I’m y/n. I’m due to start in this division today.” I say once I’ve closed the door. Agent Hotchner looks up from his paperwork and gestures for me to sit. 

“Yes, welcome to the BAU, y/n. Please, call me Hotch. From your file and recommendations we all are excited to have you.” He smiles at me warmly. “We actually just got called onto a case locally so everyone is meeting at the round table as we speak, follow me and you can get thrown right in to the chaos.” 

The round table has three seats left when Hotch and I arrive. I sit down with my back to the door and next to Hotch. 

“This is the new agent, y/n.” He then goes around and introduces each person, David Rossi, Penelope Garcia, Spencer Reid, Derek Morgan, Jennifer Jareau and then one more who is late. Penelope is about to start presenting the case when the door opens. 

“Sorry I’m late.” I freeze at the voice. Emily rounds the table and is about to pull out her chair when she looks up and also freezes. 

“Emily, this is our new agent-“ Hotch starts to introduce me. 

“Y/n/n” Emily gasps. 

“You two know each other?” Spencer asks looking between Emily and me. 

I’m still staring at Emily trying to process seeing her. “You lost the right to call me that three years ago.” I turn to Spencer, “a long time ago when I was someone else.” 

“Let’s start the presentation, Penelope.” Hotch thankfully changes the subject. 

I try and give my full attention to the case, but my mind is swimming. It is taking all of my willpower not to run out of this room. I can feel a panic attack coming, but I try to shove it down until I can be alone or take my emotions out at the gym. I place my hand on my knife that is hidden on my thigh. I tailored my clothes to be able to hide at least one knife on me at all times. Reaction to living in not good areas while in academy and my first few jobs, but it has become a sort of security item now. 

“Y/n, you’ll be with me until I assess your skills.” Hotch saying my name snaps me out of my thoughts. “We’ll be leaving in ten minutes to go talk to the medical examiner.” I nod in response. Everyone starts getting up to do their assigned job. 

“Y/n…” Emily tries to talk to me but I’m already walking out the door. I need to be able to calm myself before I have to leave. I can hear her following me after she says something to Hotch. I leave the bullpen and head down a hallway. It mainly looks like supply closets and janitorial closets. At the end of the hallway there’s a window that also has a little sitting bench. I sit on the bench and swing my legs onto the bench so I’m hidden from view unless Emily comes all the way down the hallway. I take out my knife and start twirling it as I was trained. One of the first things I did after Emily left was join a self defense gym. I’m convinced it may be a front to a gang or mafia, but it is cheap and the people have become a constant in my life. I also believe my connection is the reason I don’t get harassed in my neighborhood that is definitely split between two gangs. When I chose to work with knives the first thing they taught me was how to twirl the knives in my hand and use it to slow my breathing and focus my concentration. 

Three minutes before Hotch and I are due to leave I take a deep breath and head to find him. I walk into the bullpen and see that Hotch must’ve put my bag and jacket on what is supposed to be my desk. I grab my jacket, badge and gun and go to knock on Hotch’s office door. Right as I lift my hand to knock, the door opens and I’m staring at Emily. She got even more beautiful with age. Even with how much wear and tear there is in her appearance from this line of work, her eyes are more haunted and colder than three years ago. I step out of her way and let her pass. She starts to open her mouth to say something, but thinks better of it and heads towards the door where Agent Jareau is waiting. 

Hotch and I walk to the car in silence. Once we get in the car Hotch turns to me, “I heard Emily’s narration of what happened between you two. She couldn’t find where you went so she came to update me. I don’t need you to repeat what happened, but answer me this. Can you work with her?” I look out the windshield and think about it. 

I turn back towards Hotch.“Right now, everything is freshly cut open again. I can stitch myself up together enough to work with her and focus on healing fully off the clock.” He nods and then starts the car and drives off. 

…………………………………..

“He was killed shortly before the body was found. Given the neighborhood he was found in, I believe the unsub didn’t think he had to hide the body.” The medical examiner finished telling Hotch and me what happened. A lot of stab wounds and clear overkill which points towards this crime being personal. From the location the body was found, an old neighborhood of mine no less, I am guessing it is gang related. 

“We are going to meet Spencer, Morgan and Rossi at the scene.” Hotch tells me while we are walking to the car. “They say the locals are not really helping with information.” 

I buckle my seat belt. “Disclaimer, I lived in this neighborhood for two years during my time at the Academy and then during my first job. The locals are not going to talk to anyone they don’t trust.” I pause, “only a few are not associated with either of the two rival gangs that run the neighborhood.” 

Hotch raised an eyebrow at me. “And you lived here for two years?” 

I sighed, “you know how pitiful the payments are in Academy and for entry level jobs. I was renting a house for the price of an apartment. I joined a self defense gym that some of the neighbors went to so I kind of became off limits. They learned I was in law enforcement after they decided they liked me enough to keep me around.” 

We drive up and Spencer is in mid argument with a local who is an older lady. I can’t help but laugh while Hotch puts the car in park. “You know that local?” Hotch asks. 

“Yeah, I do. We call her Meemaw, she looks after everyone as a grandma would do, hence the name. But this also means she’ll protect her own and don’t let the frail aging body confuse you, she could drop kick Reid whenever she wants to.” I reply and get out of the car before Meemaw does exactly that. 

“Meemaw! Leave my new coworker alone, please.” I shout as Meemaw looks about to start throwing punches. Once Meemaw finds who said that she forgets about Spencer all together and runs to give me a hug. 

“Oh y/n! I haven’t seen you since you moved!” She lets me go and slaps my arm. “You had us all worried sick!” 

“Ow! You may looks weak, but may I remind you that you are not!” I hold the arm that she slapped. 

Meemaw mutters “Oh you are fine,” as she pulls me into another hug. Hotch, Spencer and Rossi walked up next to us.

“What was my coworker asking you? You know, before you were about to punch him.” I asked Meemaw. 

“For my security footage. I still have the cameras set up that you gave me.” Meemaw replies. 

“You know I can’t force you, but it would be really helpful. Along with any information you know.” I say gently.  

“Meemaw! Are these feds giving you trouble?” I recognize Mike’s voice before I see him. 

“Wow Mike, it’s like you don’t even recognize me!” I chirp at him. While living here Mike was my immediate next door neighbor and looked after me like a brother would. My next breath I’m in Mike’s arms being spun around in a bear hug. 

While being spun I quickly see the last BAU car pull up with Jennifer and Emily. Hopefully Meemaw and Mike have forgotten all those times I cried in their houses over Emily leaving me. I moved into the neighborhood the day after Emily left, she was supposed to help me move. Within the first hour of me trying to move everything by myself Meemaw forced Mike to come help me lift while she started organizing the house. She even went as far as to get some stuff she didn’t use anymore that I didn’t have already. That was also what solidified Meemaw and Mike taking care of me. 

My wishes were not granted. As soon as Mike saw Emily he put me down and nudged me behind him. He turned to Hotch, “No, I will not talk to that one or if she is within earshot of me or y/n.” Emily stopped short and I fought my way out from behind Mike. 

“Mike, it’s ok, she’s one of my coworkers.” I tell him. He gives me the stink eye, “I don’t care if she was your boss, you may have to play nice with her, but that doesn’t mean I have to.” 

“I started spreading the word that she is not welcome in this neighborhood, nor should anyone talk to her.” Meemaw added. “She might as well go someplace else to look for clues because this neighborhood won’t give her any.” 

Hotch looked from Emily to me to Mike and Meemaw. He obviously did not know what to do in this situation because he had no context into Mike and Meemaw’s reaction. I walked towards Hotch, “can I talk to you, over there?” I asked nodding my ahead away from everyone. He happily obliged and walked out of earshot. After a step or two I stopped and turned to face Mike and Meemaw, “do not do anything to any of my new coworkers, even Emily.” 

I got to Hotch and he looked exasperated. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for this to happen. I moved into this neighborhood the day after Emily left. She was supposed to help me move, but you know how that went. Meemaw saw me trying to move everything myself and forced Mike to help me bring the boxes into my house while she helped organize my things inside of my house. I told them how Emily left and there were multiple occasions where I would go sob at their houses over the situation not trusting myself to be alone in my house. That is why they are so adamant they will not have anything to do with Emily. They saw how much of a shell of a person I was right after she left.” I inhaled deeply realizing I said that without as many breaths as I should’ve. I could feel the tears lining my eyes from remembering those months. I pushed the tears back and shoved the emotions to the back of my brain. Hotch nodded and walked to talk to Emily. 

I walked back to Meemaw and Mike rubbing my eyes dry. “Ok, ready to hand over security footage and knowledge?” I asked both of them. They both nodded. 

“We can chat in my house, no need to be standing in the street.” Meemaw said while leading the way to her house. Rossi and Spencer followed me into the house that used to be just as much home as my house. Right before the door closed behind me I caught a glimpse of Emily watching me and Hotch walking towards the house. 

We stayed at Meemaw’s house for three hours talking to different people about what they saw. Once people heard I was a part of the team there was such an increase of people with information Hotch had to call Jennifer back after she dropped Emily off to help Penelope with the security footage. Hotch and I were the last ones to finish talking with our allotment. There were unsurprisingly a lot of people who would only talk to Hotch and me, even a few tried to talk to just me. Hotch and I were packing up when Meemaw came over to say goodbye. She gave me the tightest hug and whispered in my ear, “don’t let her whisper what you want to hear in your ears. I know it’ll hurt like hell, but remember how you felt moving all by yourself those years ago.” Once we pulled away from each other she turned on Hotch. “If I get any word that you have done something to hurt y/n I will come and make you pay, I don’t care if you are a high level federal agent.” Hotch nodded like this wasn’t his first time getting threatened by an old woman and walked out the door. 

…………………………………..

Back at Quantico the rest of the team, including Emily, was putting together a timeline from the information we gathered. I put the notes I took on my desk then went to the bathroom to collect myself. Going back to that neighborhood took me back to when I first moved into the house. I leaned on the sink trying to get my head to stop swimming. My brain processed hearing the door open when it was too late to shove all the emotions to the back of my brain. Penelope stopped short when she saw me. “It’s fine, just go about what you need to do. I know I'm the new outsider and all of you are going to support with Emily.” I tell her. 

“Oh, honey. Do you think that is what has been happening? No, we are not siding with anyone. One, you have to be practically attached to Hotch for the foreseeable future since he doesn’t know your skillset. Two, you entered at the start of a case which is always hectic, always. Three, Emily has encouraged us to get to know you, she talked about you ever since she started here. Not by name, but she talked about this girl she used to know so much that when we saw her reaction, we knew it was you.” Penelope is by my side rubbing my arm comfortingly. “I was sent to look for you actually, Hotch got worried since you disappeared.” I nodded and splashed my face with water. Once I dried my face, Penelope took my arm in hers and guided me to the roundtable room. 

“Ok, this isn’t productive anymore, everyone take an hour break. Get dinner, rest, do not think about the case. We will come back with fresh minds.” Hotch announced after we had been going in circles for an hour. The rest of the team, minus Hotch who went to his office, went to get food from one of the street stands. I stayed in the roundtable room and just looked around. It’s amazing how I have dreamed about this day since I decided to join the FBI, but now with how it turned out I don’t think this is the dream anymore. I go to my desk and start trying to make it personalized. Within a few minutes of me doing the best I can for my desk, the elevator opens and the team walks in. 

I can feel Emily constantly looking over at me and I can’t take it anymore. I get up and go to the elevator and press the up arrow. I go to the top floor and follow signs for the roof. I learned there was roof access in the beginning of me researching how to get into the FBI and ever since I dreamed about standing on the roof looking at the view as an official federal agent. It is every bit of amazing as I imagined. I hear the door open and close then footsteps coming towards me.

“Please don’t run away from me.” I hear the plea in Emily’s voice. I feel her settle next to me leaning on the ledge also looking out towards the view. We stand there for a few minutes with just the traffic making noise. 

“I didn’t tell Hotch the whole story today, at the scene. I just said you were supposed to help me move into the house, not that you were also going to move in there.” I confess, “I couldn’t bare the thought of saying that aloud.” 

“I’m so sorry, Y/n. I didn’t want it to be like this.” Emily almost whispered. 

“You know, you didn’t change your permanent address. It was still that house even after you had been away for over a year.” I paused. “Is Ian Doyle dead?” This question made Emily do a double take and all the color in her face disappeared. 

“How do you know that name? Did he come after you?” Emily seemed almost panicked at the thought, as if she still cared about me. 

“He broke into the house around a year and a half after I moved in. I came home from my entry level job and he came out of the shadows pointing a gun at my head.” I took a breath. “He made a comment of how I wasn’t you and demanded I tell him where you were. I told him that I hadn’t seen you in a year, ever since you chose a job over me and the future we planned.” I held back tears at the memory of the hurt I felt. “I leaned into his gun and said to shoot, put me out of my misery. I was still utterly heartbroken a year after you left and was working a job with too much responsibility and not enough pay.” Emily was trying to hold back tears as I kept talking. “He just stayed there with his gun up, but I just walked past him into the kitchen. I poured myself a glass of wine and waited for him to join me in the kitchen. He walked in after a minute with his gun away. He told me how you went undercover, made him fall in love with you then you turned him in and faked your alias’s death. I told him I believed him and said I guess he and I had that in common. He confessed he came back to kill you for revenge. Then I told him that he found his way inside, he can find his way out and that I was going to bed.” I took a pause in the story telling. “I guess he tried to find something to eat before leaving, but I had no food in the house. I couldn’t afford groceries. The next day I came home from work to a full fridge and pantry. Ian left a sack of money and a note on the counter. The note said You live pathetically, change that.” I looked at Emily. “Having Ian visit me wasn’t a bad thing in the end. He made me realize I had more to live for than someone who chose a job over me and our future. So again, is he dead?” I felt it in my heart that he was gone, but I needed it confirmed. Emily nodded and at that point I couldn’t stop the tears. 

“He almost succeeded in killing me. I faked my death for a little and moved to Paris. Then he came back and went after the team so I had to come back to finish what I had started.” She elaborated quietly. 

Emily just stood there while I cried. After a little bit we both got a text from Hotch to the BAU group chat. 

Everybody get back to the roundtable. Hour is up. 

Emily and I walked back to the elevator while I tried to clear my eyes. Somehow I gained control of myself by the time we got to the sixth floor. My eyes were no doubt red and puff, but nothing could be done now. Geez, I hate crying, especially in public and no less on my first day at this job. Everybody was going back to what they were doing before the break which meant I made my way to the table and sat next to Hotch. Throughout the next ten minutes while I worked I felt Emily’s gaze on me on and off. 

“Y/n, let's go work in my office. Maybe a change of scenery will inspire our brains to connect more of the information.” Hotch said suddenly and started collecting the files we were looking at. Rossi gave Hotch then me a subtle smile and went back to work. 

Once Hotch and I were enclosed in his office he looked at me and said, “ok, you have two minutes to tell me what happened on the break and why you were crying.” I looked shocked, but started talking. “Emily came up on the roof with me to talk. She wasn’t supposed to just help move me into the house, she was supposed to move in with me. She must’ve changed her permanent address to that house before accepting the Interpol job and forgot to change it. Ian Doyle came looking for her a year and a half ago. He found me at the house that Emily never lived in. I told him how Emily chose a job over me, he told me how Emily went undercover and broke his heart and turned him in. I went to bed, Ian must’ve tried to eat something, but my fridge and pantry were empty since I was working entry level and barely made enough to keep the house. I came back home the next day to a stocked fridge and pantry with a note from Ian pretty much telling me to take back my life like he was. Emily confirmed my suspicions that he was dead and that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I just started sobbing from everything that occurred today.” I took a deep breath trying not to start crying again. Hotch looked me over, most likely trying to gauge if I am telling the truth. I guess he deems I am being truthful and nods his head, then goes back to looking through the files. 

We look at the files well into the night. Hotch bounces back and forth from his office with me and the roundtable with the rest of the team. One by one I see part of the team leave and go home. Soon it is just Hotch and me still working. My stomach grumbles so loud Hotch looks up from his file. 

“Did you not eat during the break earlier?” He asks me. 

“I ate all the food I packed during lunch. I didn’t realize I would be here so late, but I’m fine.” I reply. He looks at me with a “bitch are you for real” facial expression. 

“Your stomach just grumbled so loud I thought it was thunder. You are not fine, I don’t even know how you’re still working being that hungry.” He gives me a pointed look. “Why don’t you go home, eat and get some rest.” I think back to when I was packing my lunch for the day. My cabinets and fridge are almost empty and payday is still a while away. Even if I went home, I wouldn’t be eating a full meal. 

Hotch’s face softens, “Y/n, do you have food at home? I saw that your lunch mainly consisted of office coffee and only a pack of ramen.” My silence was answer enough for him I guess since he started packing up his belongings. “Come on, you need food.” I go to stand up and get a dizzy spell. I instantly grab onto Hotch’s desk folded in half. Hotch is by my side in an instant. “Y/n… when was the last time you had a decent meal?” He asks. I honestly cannot answer. I’ve been living off cheap groceries and free food wherever I can get it. My new apartment is in a slightly more expensive area than the house I lived in next to Mike and Meemaw. Keeping the apartment has taken most of my paychecks so I don’t have much leftover for groceries. This job is supposed to change that, it’s supposed to pay enough that I can survive better. 

I thought Hotch was going to just get me food at a drive through and then dump me at home. I start sputtering when he pulls into the grocery store parking lot. He parks the car then turns to look at me. 

“You are one of my agents, I need you at your full strength. If today is you while you are practically starving, you could be unstoppable with food in your system.” He gets out of the car, not waiting for my response. He guides me up and down the aisles putting food in the cart. Whenever he puts something in the cart he asks If I know how to cook/prepare it. He takes me back to Quantico and helped transfer all the groceries into my car. He even bought me an already prepared meal to heat up once I got home. For the first time in a while, I went to bed with a full stomach. 

——————————————————————————————————————————

I wake up in a cold sweat. I hadn’t had these dreams in a year. It was always the same, Emily turning her back on me and walking away. I feel every emotion I had in that moment, at the degree that I felt them in that moment. I always wake up in a cold sweat and with the feeling that my heart is about to be pulled out of my chest. How am I going to face her today? I get up and try to shower off the heartbreak. I got these dreams the first year and a half after she left every night, then they dwindled down. I had finally been getting used to not having these dreams. 

A few hours later I am walking to the elevator to go to the sixth floor of Quantico and chugging coffee to make up for the lack of sleep. Right before the elevator doors close a body slides in. I don’t have to look up to know that it is Emily. 

“I can’t do this, not today, please Emily.” I whisper beg. I hear her mouth click shut. “It’s just too much, my body is reverting back to right after that day and I need to focus on the case.” I take a deep breath and then walk out of the elevator, not waiting for her response. I chug the rest of my coffee while walking to my desk. Almost as soon as I set my things down I hear Hotch’s office door open. 

“Y/n, can I see you in my office please?” I walk into his office and shut the door. “I want you to look at these photos. Do you see anything that sticks out to you from living in that neighborhood?” I let out a sigh realizing it was about the case. I looked at the photos, scouring for anything that might be helpful. Something about the pattern of the cut didn’t seem right to me. 

“You’re not going to like this, but I think we have to go talk to the gang leaders of the neighborhood. I need them to confirm something.” I say looking at Hotch. “They do not take well for police, they take federal agents even worst. The only reason I think they may even talk to me is what I am thinking about this case and the fact I lived there.” 

“What are you thinking about the case?” Hotch asks me. 

“I think the body in the neighborhood is a red herring. The stab wound doesn’t look right to be one of the gang’s signature knives. I think someone is framing the gangs.” I tell him my theory. I look at the clock and notice the time. “If we leave now and go to the gym in the neighborhood we should be able to see both gang leaders at once.” 

…………………………………..

We parked the car at the gym and I stopped Hotch before getting out of the car. “You need to let me take the lead in there. I know it’s not protocol and I know it is my second day on the job and I have no leg to stand on with this statement, but they won’t take it well if you are leading. The only reason they will be talking, if they do, is as a favor to me.” Hotch nods and gets out. I stall a second, mentally preparing myself then get out of the car. 

Entering the gym feels like coming home. As we enter we are greeted by Smith, one of the gym employees, “gym is closed for a private meeting.” They stop mid sentence recognizing me. “ Y/n? What are you doing here? You know the gang leaders have their weekly meetings here and the gym is closed at this time.” 

“I’m here on business, I need to get into that meeting. I know I know, they are not to be disturbed, just please go tell them I’m here. Tell them I agree that they are being framed.” Smith goes into the back room and comes out shortly to wave us in. 

“How do you know we are being framed?” Justin asks as soon as I am in view. 

“I lived in this neighborhood for two years, I have seen enough of both of your works to know the stab pattern doesn’t fit.” I sit down in the middle of the table which is the neutral zone with Justin on my right and Carlos on my left. As instructed, Hotch stands by the door. “I know neither of your crews uses serrated knives and the bodies have serrated cuts.” 

“Does he believe us?” Carlos nods his head towards Hotch. Hotch nods his agreement. It was such a simple act on his part, yet my body heats at the confirmation that Hotch agrees. The rest of the team is looking at the case with this new perspective as Hotch and I are getting information from Justin and Carlos. 

“How many bodies is the FBI aware of?” Justin asks me. 

“We have connected three bodies by the MO. Is that how many you are aware of?” I ask Justin and Carlos. Justin and Carlos look at each other, silently deciding how much to tell us. Carlos turns to me, “we have connected two more bodies that happened before these current ones. The victims were our grandfathers.” 

“As in, the founders of your crews?” I ask incredulously. If this is true, this is big information. Justin and Carlos nod. 

“Both grandfathers were given an anonymous tip that the other was trying to make moves on the neighborhood behind this one. They were given a note telling them where and when the other crew was supposedly making this deal. When neither person came back that night we sent a crew of four, two from each, to go investigate. We found both of them stabbed in the same way of the other victims.” Justin told us. 

“I’m guessing the group of four processed the crime scene?” I asked already knowing the answer. Both of them nodded. “Are you willing to send everything to our tech analyst? This first crime scene is going to give us more information than any of the other ones. I believe the follow  up murders were to point us towards you two and away from the person who actually did it.” They look at each other again, both looking very hesitant. After a moment they both nod. 

After a few minutes Penelope confirmed she got everything and Hotch and I are heading for the door. Right before I get to the door Justin pulls me into a big hug. Hotch continues walking to the car, leaving me alone with them, understanding that I trust them even if he doesn’t. After Justin lets go, Carlos replaces him in giving me a bear hug. “Thank you for sticking up for us to your boss. I know it must not be easy with it only being your second day.” Carlos says while releasing me. 

“I will stick up for you any day that you deserve it.” I replied with a smile while turning towards the car. 

…………………………………..

“Y/n. Y/n, we are back at the BAU.” Hotch’s voice wakes me up. I must’ve fell asleep on the drive back to the office. Geez, I need more coffee. 

“I’m up, sorry.” I say while getting out of the car. Hotch watches me with a straight face, but I see in his eyes the calculation of his thoughts. I stop at the coffee stand outside the building. To my surprise, Hotch steps up next to me in line. 

“How much sleep did you get last night?” Hotch’s eyes feel heavy on the side of my face. 

“You know, when talking to people who know you to see what I was getting myself into, everyone agreed that you showed little emotion. Did you save all the emotion for me? Because I have had so much in the past two days.” I deflect his question. Hotch’s lips quiver upwards for a millisecond before he regains a neutral face. 

We both order coffee then head back up to the sixth floor. When we exit the elevator we see a flurry of activity. It seems like every BAU member is doing something different, but all at supersonic speed. Rossi sees us enter and comes towards us. “We got a lead, a big one due to looking at the case with the information you got us.” He smiles at me, “good job, kiddo.” Hotch and Rossi veer off to go talk in Hotch’s office. I sit down at my desk and sip my coffee since Hotch didn’t give me any instructions. 

After a few minutes Hotch calls me into his office as Rossi leaves. Rossi pats me on the back as we pass. 

“The lead they got points to our unsub. Does the name Vincent Ponce sound familiar?” Hotch asks me. The name sounds familiar, the reason is on the tip of my tongue, but I just can’t get it. 

“Vincent… Ponce… oh my gosh, yes!” The name suddenly clicks in my brain. “He used to live in the neighborhood according to Meemaw and Mike, he wanted to join a crew, but neither would allow him when the grandfathers were in charge. Apparently he was accused of violent crimes, but they didn’t have enough evidence to charge him. The grandfathers said he was a loose cannon. I never met him though, he moved in after I moved out.” 

“It looks like he’s our guy. With what you just said it sounds like he has motive too.” Just after Hotch finished Penelope entered the office. 

“I have the address, sir. It has been sent to all of the teams’s devices.” She said with a nod. Hotch looked at me then motioned at me to follow him while we went to go get the rest of the team. 

…………………………………..

An hour and a half later, we had our unsub in custody and the case was closed. It felt nice to have a case under my belt. We got back and I collapsed at my desk after getting another cup of coffee. Somehow, it was only 2pm when it felt like it should be 6pm. After collecting myself and drinking some coffee, I started on the paperwork I need to get done. 

Somewhat slowly and somewhat fast, three hours go by and it is 5pm. 

“Who wants to go to the bar?” Derek asks everybody. 

“Oooh, count me in mister hottie.” Penelope answers as she was hanging in the bullpen with us. It will take me a while to get used to their flirting. 

“I’m in, Henry and Michael are at friend’s tonight and Will is working.” JJ responds and starts gathering her stuff. I barely paid attention to what they were saying since I didn’t think I would be invited. I felt them all looking at me and realized it went silent. I looked up and see them all looking at me as if they were expecting an answer. 

“What?” I ask them. 

“Bar? Us, you?” Spencer asks with a smile. I don’t answer immediately, not knowing if I truly want to open myself up like this. 

“Sure, I guess I can come for a little.” I reply, then add, “does Hotch usually come to these things?” 

“No, he usually doesn’t.” Derek answers. 

“Do you usually ask him?” For some reason I felt compelled to ask that and from their faces I could tell the answer. He probably said no so much that they just stopped asking. 

“I’m going to go ask him. I do have to stop at my apartment and get something…plus probably change, but send me the bar name and address and I’ll meet you guys there.” I got up and went to Hotch’s office door. I knocked and waited for him to tell me to come in. When I enter he is still curved over his desk doing work. 

“You know the saying it’s five o’clock somewhere?” I ask and he gives a little yes grunt. “Well, that somewhere is here. The team is going to a bar if you want to join. I will admit I don’t know which bar at this moment as I have to stop by home first, but they’ll be texting the address to me.” I can’t help but have a little bit of hope that he’ll join and it comes out in my tone. 

“I still have to do this paperwork, but I’ll try and make it.” From his tone, I don’t think he’s going to show and my face droops a little. I turn to leave nodding my head. “But hey, Y/n, thanks for asking…” he adds quickly. 

“No problem, for what it’s worth, I think everyone would like to see you, they just got told no too many times to keep asking.” I add before closing the door to his office. 

I get home and I put all of my work stuff away. My phone buzzes with a text from Penelope with the address of the bar. She included a picture of the people that were already there which included Derek, Spencer and Emily. They all looked to have changed out of their work clothes so I figure I should too. I put on black skinny jeans, a loose black crop top and vans which is what I would wear on any random night. I take my hair out of its pony tail and brush it then fix my makeup. I look at myself in the mirror and for a second wonder why I am even going. Before I can back out of going I force myself to go to my car. The bar is thirty minutes away which doesn’t help to the fact that I’m dragging my feet to go since there’s a bar five minutes from my apartment which is significantly cheaper. Being poor doesn’t help when trying to find a close apartment when working at Quantico. 

Thirty five minutes later I am in the bar parking lot. I sit in my car for a moment gathering my thoughts. Before I get a chance to get out of my car there’s a knock on my window. I look and see Hotch at my door. 

“You came!” I exclaim as I get out of my car. 

“I figured I need dinner anyway and Jack, my son, is at a friend’s so it is just me anyway.” Hotch replies as we start walking in. We find the rest of the team at a table in the corner. Penelope and JJ arrived before Hotch and me. I sit down and end up across from Emily. She looks so good in her casual clothes that I get a pang of emotion and I have to remind myself she abandoned me. I look at the menu and see how expensive everything is, I can’t afford any of this if I want to buy groceries for next week. I place the menu back down and try to not think about the hunger, I order a water from the bar and return to my seat. Slowly everyone else goes up to the bar and orders drinks and food for themselves. Within thirty minutes I am the only one without either dinner or an alcoholic drink. I should’ve stayed home. 

Ten minutes later everyone is on the dance floor besides me, Penelope even forced Hotch out of his chair. Emily places a half-eaten cheeseburger and fries in front of me then sits down next to me. 

“I’m done with my food, you can have the rest if you want.” She says and I shake my head. 

“Im fine, eat your own food.” I avoid her gaze by looking at the rest of the team. 

“Y/n… please look at me.” She says softly, but loud enough I can hear her over the sounds of the bar. She places her hand on my chin guiding it so our eyes meet. I look in her soft brown eyes and I hate that they still feel comforting. I don’t want to still love her, I shouldn’t still love her. I get up abruptly and walk out of the bar for fresh air. 

I lean up against the wall and twirl my knife in my hand. I hear the door open and then see Emily walking towards me. She stops a few feet in front of me and just looks at me. “I didn’t want to hurt you. Not like that, not like everyone else. As soon as I got home I knew I fucking messed up badly. I left Interpol because I missed you. I joined the BAU in hopes to see you and when I didn’t I looked you up to see where you were. I stood outside your workplace and just hoped to get a glance of you entering or leaving work.” I froze with what she just confessed. She took a step closer to me. When I didn’t stop her, she moved right in front of me and took my hand. “You are the one who got away for me. I never stopped loving you. I never will stop loving you.” If she moved any closer she would be pinning me against the wall. I can smell the alcohol and food on her breath. I take a deep inhale and lift my eyes to hers. Her eyes show all the emotion that she is trying to put into her words. Her pupils are dilated just like they were when we agreed to move in together. 

Emily slowly moves to kiss me, giving me ample chance to stop her. I don’t stop her, I know I don’t want her to stop. Once she realizes I'm not going to stop her she presses her mouth onto mine. She tastes of white wine and cheeseburger. She releases my hands and moves them to my waist. I wrap my arms around her neck and pull her closer. I pull away to break the kiss and look straight into her eyes. 

“Despite me trying to, I still love you. I love you and hate you. You broke my trust and broke me, but somehow my heart still can’t get rid of you.” 

“Y/n/n, I’ll spend the rest of my life atoning for leaving you and breaking you if you’ll let me.” My response is pulling her into another kiss. 

[qslovebot]

ASK THE BAU: WHAT PART OF A WOMANS BODY INTRIGUES YOU MOST?

Hotch: I don’t see this as an appropriate question to ask your superior but since I believe this is for personal reasons and you need help, I would have to say the thigh.

Rossi: ah, women. Beautiful creatures, soft and supple. I have to tell you, it’s all in the hips.

Garcia: oh, um... are we speaking romantically because I don’t exactly swing that way. I love women, though and I think I’ll say the face. They’re all so uniquely beautiful!

Emily: I’m not an ass person. I like women with big boobs, if I’m blunt.

Spencer: well I’ve never- I’ve never seen a woman without clothing so I can’t give the-the answer you’re looking for, I don’t think... but I think smiles are gorgeous and if not that, then maybe their hands. *he means tits*

Derek Morgan: if they’ve got a nice face it’s a win, but the ass is where it’s ass. I don’t even care if it’s round, flat, stretch-marked or has cellulite. I love ass.

JJ: their hair. Women with flowing gorgeous hair meant so much to me. They’re all so gorgeous.

TO ASK THE BAU A QUESTION, PLEASE VISIT THE ASK//REQUEST PORTION OF MY PROFILE <3