#i also dont let her get too close to strangers just in case lmao

[rigginsstreet]

my dog is just like me fr; spiteful, aggressive, demands attention, prone to car sickness

[wuucchoo]

Understanding Tsumiki and Megumi's relationship

Hey there! It's me, Megumi's defense attorney - here once more to defend my boy.

I've been seeing A LOT of people saying they cannot sympathize with Megumi's grief because they don't know Tsumiki that well. And although I would argue that you don't need to know the person who died for you to sympathize with the one who was left behind - I do understand what these people mean, i don't agree with them! But I understand why they think this. And yes, we dont know Tsumiki.

However, we first need to understand why gege chose to present Tsumiki this way. On a surface level, she can only be seen as 'the thing that would cause Megumi's downfall' - we dont know her thoughts, her ambitions, her real personality, anything really - except for what Megumi says about her. A 'textbook good person'.

And that's because she is a character that we were only able to see through someone else's eyes. We don't know Tsumiki, because Megumi doesn't know Tsumiki.

BUT WAIT!! What do I mean by that?

Before that though, I would like to say first! This doesn't mean that Megumi's love for her is diminished by this. Just because he doesn't know her doesn't mean he doesn't love her. Megumi cares about her more than anyone in his life, and that's a fact!

Now we can proceed! What does this mean? Let's look at this page from ch 56: origin of obedience:

This was a case that they have been investigating, and it is pretty damn close to Megumi's and Tsumiki's old school. And yet, the thought that Tsumiki might have went to the bridge with her classmates never crossed his mind. He doesnt know that Tsumiki is someone capable of breaking the rules, going against curfew, and joining her friends to go to a haunted bridge in the dead of night. This boy Megumi thinks his sister is a damn saint.

He put Tsumiki on a pedestal, and it resulted in her turning into nothing but the mold of a good person Megumi uses to judge other people. If a person is not Tsumiki-shaped, then they're not worth saving. ((Luckily for Yuuji, he IS Tsumiki-shaped lmao. But anyway!))

Truth be told, I used to think it sucks that we never knew Tsumiki outside of what Megumi says. I never felt bad when she died, I felt bad that Megumi's sister died. I felt bad FOR Megumi.

And now that I actually think on it, THAT was the exact point. We dont NEED to know Tsumiki, we only needed to see her through Megumi's eyes - and through that, understand that Megumi doesn't really know her that well.

It is something that Megumi have to mull over. Why did he keep Tsumiki at an arm's length despite how much he cares for her? Why is it so hard for him to let people in? Why is asking someone for help so difficult for him?

ITS BECAUSE OF THAT MFKER TOJI!!!! IM TELLING YA'LL!! /hj

Look at the face he was making in Toji's memory. That's a kid who shows his emotions outright. My boy is pouting (つ╥﹏╥)つ. But when Gojo met him, Megumi has become a total idgafker (at least on the outside). And thats not only because Gojo was a stranger - coz thats how he looks like when he talks to Tsumiki too. It's because he became that way when Toji left.

Anyway, my point is, due to Megumi's abandonment issues - he never let anyone in. EVER. Not even Tsumiki. Megumi put a wall between him and other people - for his own protection. The one who came a little bit close into breaking that wall is Yuuji (and we are yet to see how that goes).

And this is why, we as the readers are all detached from Tsumiki's character. Because we saw her through Megumi's eyes, who loves her and cares about her very, very much - yet despite that he never let her get too close. (っ- ‸ - ς)

If you read up to here, whats up! Thank you for reading! Feel free to counter it or anything, Im happy to discuss!

((also something to add: Megumi cares so much about Tsumiki because she's the first one who actively chose to stay - amidst all the people who left.

this was inspired by a great megumi character analysis i found on twitter:

read it if you have time! its really good!

[bananonbinary]

I noticed in your tags you mentioned getting an autism diagnosis at an older age. I'm fairly certain I am but I'm not sure if it's worth it to get diagnosed because I hear people talk about how hard and expensive it is to get.

I meant to ask how did you go about it but I sent the ask too soon.

uhh well. it WAS really hard for me. i dont think my experience was super typical tho? at least, i hope not. (this is going to be kinda bleak, but i really don’t think it’s what you have to look forward to or anything. hopefully it could provide more of a roadmap for what not to do)

1) im actually pretty “““low-functioning,”““ which is a stupid term, but is relevant here because phone calls to strangers are basically impossible for me, and its very difficult for me to actually talk to People In Authority without freezing up and losing my voice. so i a) hit a lot of roadblocks that couldve been easily avoided by someone more outspoken, and b) had to rely a lot on my family to help have these conversations anyway. which i recognize isn’t really an option for a lot of people.

2) this all ended fairly recently and im still pretty mad about it, so it probably is a lil more negative than it has to be

the actual process was several years of nothing, followed by finally getting it done in a few months, and it was basically:

me: “hey the office i go to for mental health shit, i need a new psychiatrist, and i’m also pretty sure i have autism, do you have anyone who could help me get diagnosed with that?”

them: “sure here’s this guy” (guy does not know shit about autism, but waffles every time we ask and does not reveal that fact to us until several MONTHS later)

me: “hey guy i’m stuck with as a psychiatrist at the moment, i’m pretty sure i have autism, how do i get diagnosed”

them: “there is no way to diagnose autism in adults, and also autistic people are just spinning in circles and arent aware of the world around them, you aren’t autistic” (blatant lies AND heavy ableism lmao. i finally fired that asshole recently and it was supremely satisfying)

me: “hey my gp, im pretty sure im on the autism spectrum and my mental health professionals are fucking useless, pls help?”

them: “oh man, i love those mental health people :) anyway, aren’t we all on the autism spectrum somewhere? now, lets talk about your weight instead”

me: “hey local autism clinics, im pretty sure i’m autistic, any chance-”

them: “no. we only work with kids, and also need a referral from your gp. and we’re not taking any new patients at this time anyway”

finally, FINALLY, like 3 years later, i found a really great therapist, who’s also a licensed clinical social worker. for the record, i found her out of state and all of our appointments are by video call. highly recommend looking for this sort of set up if you’re having trouble finding mental healthcare professionals that don’t fucking suck in your area, because i promise having good therapy remotely is leagues better than shit therapy in person.

within like 3 months i told her i’m pretty sure i’m autistic, but couldn’t find any way to get diagnosed without my gp on board. she did some research for me, and reached out to a colleague of hers in the area that works with autistic people.

i got an appointment with said colleague (who was great), who basically went through the dsm checklist, said “yep youre autistic” and referred me to another doctor to actually get diagnosed.

that doctor sucked, and literally just went through the same damn checklist the previous doctor went through, but this time charged me $1500 for it, and didnt take our insurance. also said i couldnt be low functioning because i have thought about my gender identity. so, yikes.

but i got the diagnosis! huzzah!

and now my therapist is helping me to set up an appointment to work with an occupational therapist for sensory processing issues, so i can actually FINALLY get some goddamn help (which technically didn’t need the autism diagnosis but none of those shit doctors believed i HAD sensory processing issues until i got it, so). AND family is helping me finally figure out how to apply for disability so i can have some actual agency in my life. we’re also talking to that first doctor who said i was autistic, and she’s got loads to say about how antidepressants and shit dont even work in the expected way in autistic brains, and is hopefully gonna help me find things for non-autism mental health issues that actually, you know, work for me for the first time in my life.

the moral of this story is, it’s REALLY REALLY HARD to try and get a diagnosis if you don’t have a professional on your side. but if you do, it can be really good, and you just need to worry about the money issue. once i found someone who was willing to help me, even though she’s not actually a medical doctor or even in the same state as me, things moved shockingly quickly. and are still moving quickly. i’m really glad i actually did it, because i very desperately need help and i am very, very close to actually receiving it. most of the pain of this story boils down to me floundering because i had no clue what i was actually supposed to do, and no one i asked would give me a hint.

so...is it worth it? depends. even if you actually skip to the end there, i’m pretty sure the random ableism and ungodly price is pretty typical. so, if you think the potential opportunities a diagnosis presents is worth that part (which it super was in my case), then go for it! but if that doesn’t quite balance out for you, remember that there’s tons of good people with good advice in the autistic community who don’t care if you’re professionally diagnosed or not.

[ladylillianrose]

Episode 13 Thoughts/Reactions While Watching

Spoilers under the cut

Does it suck that Selin got dumped on her wedding day? Yes it does. But I'm still proud of Ferit for deciding he is worth someone who loves only him.

"Secret handcuffs between us" omg I love it! 🤣🤣🥰🥰⛓

"To be honest I cannot part from you" *swoon*😍😍

"Sometimes love isn't enough," Eda girl what are you saying? Don't be thinking like that!

I love that he doesn't want to hide their relationship from everyone. He wants to proudly show the world that he is in love with an amazing, beautiful, talented and intelligent woman.

"Let it burn, chaos is good, it will make us stronger." This is so not the same Serkan from the beginning! She has changed him so so much and I love it!

But be wary of the chaos you so willingly embrace Serkan!

Ahhh thank goodness the girls know now! And they're all so happy for her!!!

Also Melo even knowing that Sirius missing her was just Serkan's excuse is adorable and I want her to tease him about that at some point lol!

Makes me miss my girlfriends!!😭😭🥰🥰

Eda! Just tell her!!!

I love that we are seeing more of Serkan spending time in his study in casual clothes. It's a more intimate look at home, surrounded by all his space stuff.

I understand Selin wanting to start a new life and get rid if her shares, but she should have spoken to Alptekin about it, sold him and Serkan the shares. Instead she sold it to a stranger.😡😡

The Head and Shoulders spots never cease to make me giggle. 🧴🚿

Glad that Aydan is realizing Eda's worth. Knowing she intentionally treated her poorly and Eda rose above it.

Ooo Serkan not pulling his punches! He is not wrong that this is what hes been saying for months. And ouch at the bringing up his brother and the past when he was sent off. These are clearly still raw subjects and memories for him.😢😢

Oofff I feel for Aydan on that moment. So frustrated with herself that even as Alpyekin is being taken to the hospital she cant leave to go with him.😢😢

The fact that Eda can tell something is wrong from just a few words.❤❤😢😢

Also Alptekin's heart problem is hitting close to home (my dad just had 4 stints put in his heart last month, one artery was 99% blocked and another was 98% blocked, his was from genetics not diet/exercise). So I really feel for Serkan dealing with everythimg and still feeling helpless/unable to do anything.😢😢😢❤❤❤

Have I mentioned how much I love Leyla? I love that she hugged him,and even though he didn't return the hug, you know that Serkan was touched.🥰🥰🥰🥰

Gossip lines all through the office! That was quick!

Serkan asking for help from them and Leyla and Erdem being shocked lmao 🤣🤣

Oh shit I forgot that Ferit was the one to set up the whole thing with Efe. So of course he would be there/around.

I'm still on Ferit's side having broken things off. I wish he had done it earlier, even minutes before the wedding would have been better than when they were all watching. But it took him until that moment to realize what he didnt want.

Lmao Efe would drive a fancy flashy red car. And of course be the opposite style boss of Serkan. 🚘

Oh Melo, maybe you can have him, keep him away from Eda and Serkan.

Aydan making Seyfi dig up all the info on Eda. And Seyfi being all team Eda

Oooo 6 months is a long time to put up with Efe and Ferit. Poor Serkan!

Lmao Melo is on a roll today! Calling Erdem out on his dating app lies to Fifi, and telling Leyla to back off the assistant position cause its hers lol!

Shit I didnt realize Ferit's shares came directly from Alptekin/Serkan's. Damn that splits it into two teams there.

"I cant breathe here without you." And "I'll be the air for you whenever you want" ugh these two romantics.😍😍😍😍

I love that Ayfer knows enough about Aydan to check on her. And that Aydan was touched by her being the only one to do so. They'll be friends that snipe at each other by the end I'm sure.

But OMG I'm dying at Aydan spilling the beans lmfao! The two of them being hysterical together is hilarious. 🤣🤣🤣

Oooo Eda you are in so much trouble with Ayfer!

Serkan giving Eda the chance to work with Efe cause he knows that she is an admirer of his work as well as he knows how talented Eda is. That love and trust!!!

Seyfi and his love for Eda and Edser!

Also Aydans reaction to the handcuffs, priceless. 🤯🤯

Awww yay Ferit and Ceren! They both deserve someone who loves them!!

Yaass Jealous Serkan reappears! Serkan you are not subtle, Efe definitely knows something is going on  between you and Eda!🤣🤣😍😍

I love that not only was Serkan willing to talk, but then made her promise that they still would since the meeting interrupted them.

Aydan is going to smother Alptekin with her caring and attention!

A sweet romantic lunch for two in the office, Serkan you romantic robot! 🤖❤

And saying the office will find out soon enough anyway!!

And he ordered her food she loves, and that he won't eat!🥰

Omg Eda feeding him fries lmao! Fries are impossible to resist Serkan! 🍟❤

Lmfao all the doors open! He's keeping an eye on Efe and Eda!

Serkan is just so romantic with his "how are you real?" And wanting to just runaway and have it be only the two of them, three if you count Sirius! (My romantic husband has often suggested running away just us two, and the cat of course. It is always a tempting offer).

Serkan telling his parents is gold. He is so matter of fact and straight forward. Saying he wants things to happen fast.

"A womans dreams should not be limited to a man." Ayfer isnt wrong, but in Eda and Serkan's case, Serkan has been supportive of her dreams every step of the way!

Ooo Aydan and Ayfer plotting together lmao that's just trouble there. Eda and Serkan are too stubborn to be swayed by your ploys!

Lmao at Serkan saying "Even the cats run away!" With the cats loudly meowing.😹😹😹

His don't leave me grip on her hand lol. Good lord Ayfer that list lmao. He would have been doing some of it anyway just by being around. But him confirming that he will do whatever she wants him to, for Eda *swoon*❤❤

The comment about it being obvious that she's Eda's aunt lol

Poor Serkan will never get a kiss or hug with Ayfer blocking him! Ayfer you are making all of us suffer!!

Shaking Eda's hand and saying goodbye to the cats, priceless 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Awwww asking Eda to send photos of herself to him because he doesnt have them on his phone.🥰🥰🥰

"Then you are only mine," damn Serkan! 🔥🔥🔥🥵🥵🥵🥵

Ahh the old "here are all these ridiculous events that I will make you do, to prove that you couldnt hack it as a society wife," ploy.

Serkan will likely put his foot down on some of Aydan's demands, just as Eda will with some of Ayfer's demands.

Oh Erdem let's see how this plays out.

Efe I dont trust you, and Ferit stop giving him all the inside info!!

Serkan walking in holding Eda's hand! 🤖❤

Lmfao at Piril calling Engin and yelling at his voicemail that even Robot Serkan comes in holding his love's hand. I'm dying!!

Leyla telling Serkan she still wants to work for him. He may not openly demonstrate affection for his employees but he takes care of them where it counts (I've never had a boss care about me or my family like that). ❤❤❤

He's just more introverted and quiet in how he shows affection (which is what makes his love with Eda so important and different. He's going outside his comfort zone for her!)

That's 2 Leyla hugging Serkan moments!!!!🥰🥰

Piril isnt wrong about needing to do all or nothing with the project. She's blunt of course but it's the truth.

I dont think Efe is lying when he talks about Eda's talent,  but he is laying it on a bit thick. 🙄🙄

Oh Eda you are letting everyone elses talk get to you! Dont listen to them! You know Serkan supports and loves you!!

Erdem you are in for it now with Fifi!

Damn those curtains!! Also it appears to be very very windy there lmao 🌬

Why is Engin in the police station lol! (I know that Anil wasn't feeling well so they had to come up with an excuse, but the police Station really?)🤣🤣

Omg Serkan you're going to make me and Eda cry! You got a house and an office?! And talking about eating her favorite ice cream and going to the libraries (be still my heart, that's how you get me too,ice cream and libraries!).😍😍😍😍😍😍

"I cannot live without you" *swoons* 😍😍

Ummm why do I suspect that Efe is working for Eda's Grandmother? Because that didnt sound like an "okay team, come on over" call. That was a "the pieces are in place, we await your move" phone call. Eda may not want revenge,  but Grandma probably does. 🔪🔪♟♟

Oh God I cant handle Serkan crying! 😭😭😭😭

And he has to tell Eda, he cant keep this from her, and God it's tearing him up knowing that it's his family's fault her parents died.😢😢😢

[ryncorrect]

university!au: day6 sungjin

i’ve abandoned this au for so long istg my life is a mess yall please forgive but anyway im back with my bullshit and ready to spread my cringe-worthy stuff to the world again

name: park sungjin

major: practical music and arts

other activities: leader, guitarist, and vocalist of university band, president of music club, member of cooking club

park sungjin is the embodiment of leadership

i mean he’s the band leader, the club president, also the president of his class since year one, like he’s so trustworthy and responsible, literally nothing can go wrong under his sight

and even when things do go wrong (life is a bitch) he’ll still make sure everyone is fine and having the time of their lives pun intended

anyone who meets sungjin for the first time will probs say he has this tough man aura, cold,,, tsundere-ish idk

but as someone who have known each other for so long, you never understand when anyone says sungjin looks cold

you know damn well the moment sungjin opens his mouth he gonna throw dad jokes with his satoori dialect

dad jokes are fucking funny fight me

you once said sungjin should start his own comedy club

......he’s currently considering it

oh right he also talks about food all. the. time.

he joined cooking club for a reason okay

no, he can’t and doesn’t really cook he’s only there to taste food and people let him there because he’s nice and he knows how to appreciate the cooks

uh we love a man with manners

so, who is sungjin for you exactly?

he lives next door, one year older than you, was a leader even when you were little ayeee childhood friend cliche

can you imagine little sungjin leading his friends in game its so pure brb crying

you told him everything you couldn’t tell ur parents because they were busy, you asked for his advises, he made sure you were safe and happy

you still depend on him even after you two have grown up

you enrolled to the same university, took the same major with him, and even joined the clubs he’s a member of

this isn’t because you’re indecisive, it’s just that you spent so much of your childhood with sungjin that you two became similar to each other, up to your hobbies and interests and even palate lmao

that’s why he loves to eat with you because you two never argue about the menu

the only club you can’t join is the band, and that’s because jae rejected your application

reason: extremely close personal relationship with sungjin, therefore sungjin will take your side if we ever had an argument

you denied that; no, sungjin wont take anyone’s side based on feelings bc he’s a logical person and he always listens carefully to every side of the parties before he makes a decision..... but jae wont listen

brat

"you only rejected me because im a better guitarist”

“lalalalala cant hear you over my authority as the important band member”

“fuck you”

“i don’t accept offers”

anywayssss you did fail to join the band, but you’re friends with them, theyre literally so used to your company that sometimes they forgot youre not actually in the band

you and the guys teamed up for sungjin’s surprise birthday party

the surprise failed because dowoon accidentally added sungjin to the group chat

sungjin being nice and playing along anyway because he didnt want to disappoint you

and then its sungjin’s turn to ask the guys for help for your birthday party

failed again because dowoon AGAIN accidentally invited you, in person, to your own birthday party

dowoon what the heck?????

yeah its all cute and sweet but thats all of your relationship with sungjin, you treat him like a dependable brother and he treats you like his own little sister

thats what you tell to your friends too when they ask if you two are dating

they’re glad thats the case

because they have a crush on sungjin LMAOOOOO PLOT TWIST

they’re hoping they can get to sungjin through you yanno like asking you to send him snacks and letters or to tell him they say hi

you dont mind i mean you know sungjin is one admirable person ofc everyone likes him

sungjin never rejects nor accepts it hes just like “yay snacks!”

“god damn it sungjin just date any of them im tired of being a matchmaker”

“then dont?? literally no one asked you to”

little did you know that sungjin had the same problem

some of his classmates are interested in you but whenever they come to him he just says, “dont ask me i dont know anything and if i do i wont tell you”

this one sandeul guy has started asking you out and stuff

“ehhh youre so nice i’ll think about it!!”

you, immediately texting sungjin: ur friend sandeul ask me out what should i do

sungjin: do you like him tho

you: not really idk him yet

sungjin: just tell him your mom said no

you: damn nice

but this guy is so persistent and you gotta admit hes kinda cute and after a few tries you finally said yes to him

so you two went together and it was pretty fun

sungjin isnt too happy when he hears about it from sandeul

he asked you, “why didnt you tell me first?”

“well i dont think its a big deal. it was just a date anyway”

but you always told him everything

sungjin never speaks about it again

you go on another date with sandeul the week after

you tell sungjin later and he doesnt ask how it went

hes just “oh”

idk he’s kinda distant now, he rarely talks nor replies to your texts

he doesn't visit music club nor cooking club either so you don't see him often

have i told you im uncreative and all my aus are lame???

you think its probably because hes focusing for the finals, but even after it’s over sungjin doesnt really hang out with you or the band anymore like he only comes for practices and leaves right after

weirdly no one says anything about sungjin’s absence

but you cant stay quiet any longer and decide to ask dowoon whats wrong with sungjin

you shouldve known dowoon cant help much

“honestly i dont know either, maybe you should ask wonpil he’s sungjin’s roommate”

“but what if wonpil told sungjin”

“told sungjin what?”

“that i asked about him”

“asked him what?”

“...nevermind”

you asked younghyun

younghyun doesnt help either

“i dont know, just ask him yourself. i thought you were the closest to him??” why you so salty man

okay fine lets ask jae

“i’ll tell you for fifty bucks”

“dude im broke”

“then deal with it yourself”

you had no choice but to ask wonpil

“he’s just tired”

you know wonpil lied but this little shit refuses to tell anything

“please dont force me to answer i will cry really loudly and it’ll be embarrassing for the both of us”

why do you befriend them in the first place smh

oh youre right about wonpil telling sungjin that youre worried, and he does tell him to talk to you if he got something in mind

sungjins hesitant but in the end he only says, “no... its just that i didnt realize until recently that my little sister has grown up a lot”

“dear god wtf you sound like her grandma”

skip the boring part so uh a few more days passed awkwardly between you two and after your failed attempt at asking around you decide to confront sungjin in person

youre in the band practice room, the others are present, sungjin’s about to leave early as usual, and you find yourself jumping up your seat, “whats your problem with me?”

you know sungjin hates confrontation but you cant stand it anymore. you tried giving him time but if theres anything you seem to be more of a stranger to him

“i dont know what i did wrong and i wont know if you dont tell me, so let me know. i’ll listen and i’ll apologize if its my fault, but dont give me silent treatment like this. its so unlikely of you"

you can see sungjin clences his jaw as he replies calmly, "people change"

"you don't change, youre being childish. if you're mad you should talk about it. if you don't want me here you should tell me to go. if you don't like ME dating your friend you should tell me not to!!!"

drama much ryn

"youre your own person and you make your own choice, its your life and i cant keep telling you what to do or what not," and the end part kinda slips, "i don't hate you dating my friend or anyone, okay? im just not used yet to be a second person for you and im afraid youll get hurt"

"youre never?? a second person sungjin where does this idea even come from youre the only one for me i dont want anyone else???"

and suddenly there's a train of awkward coughs and you come back to your senses and you realize you're being watched

jae pretends to make a phone call, "mom pick me up im scared"

lame jae lame

dowoon mumbles, "can we,,, make an exit first before you two declare your undying love bc its privacy yanno"

you feel the heat spreading across your face as you open your mouth the same time as sungjin, both want to deny dowoon, but younghyun beats yall to it, "yeah you two are in love with each other we been know"

you and sungjin stares at each other, confused, "we don't???"

"oh honey,,, my dear,,, ive read enough sappy shit in writing club to see where this is going"

the conversation was cut there and neither of you bring it up again,

because the idea of you loving sungjin or sungjin loving you is so weird that you refuse to think about it, and so is for sungjin

but ever since that, sungjin has drastically come back to normal its almost hilarious, he spends a lot of time hanging out in the music club, practicing with the band, visiting the cooking club, making a joke here and there

sungjin is himself again with you, a caring dependable brother whom you come to whenever you need to talk or just hang out with and he always makes sure he has time for you

sap

you know hes always been like that but why does it feel different now??? the way he smiles or pulls your hand so youre walking on the inner side of the road,,, how he neatly places your spoon and chopsticks on a napkin when you two go out to eat together,,,, why

tender love baby chICKEN TENDER

mydayexol follow me

andddd so one day, someone asked you out. again.

wow ur so popular i cant Relate

you, texting sungjin: sandeuls friend jinyoung something invited me to a party next saturday should i come

sungjin, replying to you: hmm

you: ???

sungjin: i think its up to you

for some reason youre disappointed by his reply,,, but he’s right tho its your call if you wanna go then you go its not about what sungjin says

right?

right???

but suddenly you got another text: but if you ask for my opinion i would say don't go

you: actually i dont want to either lol so what should i say

sungjin: tell him you already have a date

you: nice

sungjin: with me

you: ayyeee

you: wait what

sungjin: i mean its just a suggestion

sungjin: which you can accept

sungin: or reject

for some reason you can imagine sungjin’s cheeky smile through his texts and it makes your inside tingles and you wanna giggle

so yea you thought it was a joke but he actually did take you out for a movie and dinner

it was really nice

so yanno the weird thing is that neither of you ask the other to be “official” but you just. are dating.

ur friends are mad like “bUT YOU SAID YOU TWO WERENT A THING”

“lol sry i changed my mind”

“fuck you”

“no thanks sungjin can do that... bUT DONT TELL SUNGJIN I SAID THAT hes gonna kill me”

“is he ur mom”

“basically yeah”

this sucks real bad but who cares

not me obviously

ill be back soon (or not) with dowoon’s one lets hope i can do better than this dnsjfsndfj lnjajnfdjs lmAO I LOVE YALL AND HAPPY NEW YEAR IN ADVANCE

[ohjaimelannister]

Do you think Hoppers actually dead though?

O K A Y.

I’ve been looking for an excuse to pull all of this together so here we go! NO Anon, I do not think that Chief James Hopper has gone and died on us. There’s no REAL evidence (there are easter eggs though) however and the Duffer Brothers could still pull the rug out from under us but hey.

No I do not believe that Hopper is dead. Although some things can be interpreted as pretty final and if the Duffers really kill him off I will never watch this show again, because it’s horrifically SHITTY writing and im already super tired of that this year lmao.

One - There is no body? We were never showed a body or what’s left of one? We have seen bodies for Benny, Barb, Bob and Billy (and even people who were in it for like 5 minutes). THEY EVEN PRODUCED A FAKE WILL WHEN THEY WANTED US TO THINK HE WAS DEAD. THEY AREN’T AGAINST SHOWING US BODIES!!! Which brings me to my next point!

Two - They also aren’t against to showing us death. Lots of gory detailing death, WHOEVER it is. Billy died horrifically but you saw it even though hes a kid. Bob got ripped to shreds.  And even those dudes at the beginning of S3 died horribly? They still showed it. Hopper’s death??? It cuts away. You see NOTHING. AT. ALL. There aren’t even any remnants OF a body where he was standing, and Joyce goes down there and LOOKS. Surely shed find something? Gooey grossness like the bodies at the beginning? Nope. You could argue that they’d be against showing us the death of a beloved hero and a main character but. Again. Bob was beloved and arguably one of the sweetest characters in the show and he was ripped to bits in front of us and Joyce. Billy was a kid for all intents and purposes, still he died a horrible death. Not one bit of that was cut away.

Three - If you look in the shots hes not on the platform when the thing explodes????? like at all? Either that’s badly shot or its done deliberately because he’s just not there anymore? There’s the portal to the Upside Down and you can see a ladder in the shot too, so maybe he either went into the Upside Down or down the ladder and got caught by the russians?? We just don’t know.

Four - We see the devastated Eleven and the aftermath of what happened at Star Court. Then it jumps to three months later? Okay, odd that were not shown anymore of the grieving or the funeral. Then of course Eleven read the SPEECH. Think about the end of it specifically and about LEAVING THE DOOR OPEN 3 INCHES!! You can see from one of the final shots of Star Court that the gates not CLOSED. It was healing but it never fully closes. So Hopper could be in the Upside Down, or travelled through it to Russia on the other end?? Who knows. Point is, they included this line at the end for a reason. Whether the reason is that hes actually dead and they’re just being profound or that its a hint about his fate, its meaningful.

Five - During the ending the song HEROES by Peter Gabriel plays, this is the same song that was placed over them finding Wills fake body, and after all the goodbyes and the ‘speech’ where it ends with “keep the door open three inches” well. Come on.

Six - Then it cuts to Russia and you hear the “not the american” line, and Hopper was called “the American” throughout the series by that Russian baddie. Should I start waving Red Flags here or???? Then again, a lot of people are saying this could be Brenner. Okay I 100% get your logic Im with ya, and for a few days I’ve also thought it could be Brenner. But here’s the thing. Elevens powers. Brenner makes her use them to spy on a russian man in Season 1. Hinting that there’s more going on here than just super powers, kids and other dimensions. Don’t forget that in the 80s the world was in the grip of the Cold War, and things would have started reaching a boiling point for this long before 1985 when it ‘officially’ began. We were never given any answers about why Brenner was spying on this man, or even Russia. Or even if he WAS spying for the US. Nothing, it’s a throwaway scene. Or IS IT? Russians show up in Season Three somehow knowing about the Upside Down, having failed at their own attempts to open a gate in Russia. They somehow know that its Hawkins they need to be in to successfully open their gate and potentially get monsters to use, oh I don’t know, in a WAR???? How would they have known any of this information to begin with?? Oh I wonder. We were told all about Brenner being alive and out there in season two (and we were never told WHERE and this is not referenced again), but as far as I can remember Eleven has never shared this with anyone else, even though it’s completely RELEVANT information. And as far as I can remember (its been a hell of an emotional few days) I dont think were given any explanation about how the Russians knew about the Upside Down, Hawkins or anything. So maybe the reason they knew is BECAUSE BRENNER is the one giving them their directives? Because hes worked for THEM this whole time???

Seven -  Interestingly also Eleven lost her powers? JEEZ ISN’T THAT CONVENIENT!!! Because the first thing shed use them for is to look for Hopper even if she was told he was dead. Shed look, 100% for the man who saved her, gave her a home, loved her, worried for her, cared for her like she was his goddamn OWN. Conveniently though now SHE CANT??? Interesting.

Eight -  And now. There’s the voicemail message. In one of the episodes (my brains so fried I cant remember which one sorry) Murrays gives out his landline number, and when you call it you can hear him give a message to Joyce. You can listen to it here.  You can tell this is after season three, because why would he talk to Joyce Byers? Surely if he was trying to reach someone for information it would be Hopper?  “I have an update, its best if we speak in person" an update??? About what??? Why is he coercing with joyce???  Notice how he says “it’s not good or bad but its SOMETHING” and then says “we’ll talk about it in person” (or something like that) why would he be calling joyce with an ‘update’?????????? AND ON WHAT EXACTLY?? INTERESTING!!

Nine - Theres this interview with the cast specifically ABOUT Hopper, the death and the post credits scene. And I love David Harbour but, you cannot lie for shit my angel.

Ten - Millie has said in an interview “ Her dads gone, or so she thinks” COME ON.

Eleven - Again WE KNOW DAVID HARBOUR IS LIKE THE MARK RUFFALO OF STRANGER THINGS. And hes bad at keeping shit to himself. Hes already told us at the end of last YEAR, literally a month after they finished filming season three that the Duffers have told him the ending to the series as a whole. Why would any creator do this for a man they have effectively just fired, because his character died? Why would they tell him? They wouldn’t.

Tweleve - Again. David Harbour, bless his heart, I think its trying to give us HINTS and bread crumbs to follow. Last week he changed his instagram photo from Hopper in S1 to the number 6. Odd. Today he changed it to the number one :

Twelve continued - Basically if he changed it to an 8 next, we know hes trying to hint at Murrays voicemail message and this is a clue for Hopper. Because why else would he bother?

Thirteen - Theres also this screenshot from Cara Buonos instagram where she literally SAYS about him being in Kamchatka, and uses the Russian word for PRISON. (Of course this could just be a joke between the actors

Fourteen - Theres also the fact, which is not evidence mind you, that its incredibly shitty writing to have both the men that Joyce Byers loved/loves to die in front of her? And actually having her put the action in motion that kills the man she loves? No. I wont accept that. And weve been shown her non willingness to believe in peoples death, everyone and their mothers told her Will was dead and she was being crazy. Did she listen? No. And she got her boy back. Will she think once she has a clear head that Hoppers dead? Maybe. Which is why she asks Murray to investigate. Hence the Voicemail Message.

Fifteen - Its also incredibly shitty and hard to swallow, for Elevens sake too. I mentioned already how much she loves Hopper and finally got a true parent in him. Do you honestly think they’d put her through all of that just to lose him NOW? Like i said, its convienent how shes lost her powers at this very crucial moment.

Sixteen - DAVID. HARBOURS. BEARD. RIGHT. NOW.

And SEVENTEEN -Just in case y’all are having trouble with any of that it looks like David Harbour has let sorta slip (my god I fucking ADORE THIS MAN LET ME TELL YOU). I dont know how reliable this is mind you because its not coming from a BIG source, but HERE he hints at knowing who the American is, after telling everyone else (see the interview above ^^) that he doesnt know and he cant say anything. 

‘During an interview with David Harbour, I attempted to delicately get around the fate of Jim Hopper. Harbour, however, came right out and gave it to me straight. “This is the question I’m going to have to dance around–” I began, only for Harbour to interrupt me and ask, “The ending?” “Right,” I said. “Is there a way you can talk about the future of Hopper without…” I trailed off here, only for Harbour to ask: “Well, did you see the post-credits scene?”I had, of course. And so I straight-up asked: is that Hopper behind the door? According to Harbour, that’s the most likely scenario. Throughout the season, the main Russian baddie refers to Hopper as “the American”, and having another Russian refer to the mysterious prisoner in the same way was the big giveaway.Of course, knowing that Hopper is alive, and knowing how he survived and ended up in Russia, are two different things. We’ll have to wait for season 4 to get that answer. And we’ll have to wait to see how things unfold from there. Will a big chunk of season 4 involve Hopper escaping that Russian base, and trying to get back to America? Time will tell. One thing is clear: Hopper still has a long journey ahead of him; not just physically, but emotionally.’

SO, basically Jim Hopper has not left us, Joyce or Eleven.  And if the Duffer Brothers have done all this to screw with us, well. Im not gonna be responsible for what I do.

I FEEL JIM HOPPER IN THIS RUSSIAN PRISON TONIGHT!!!

THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK!!!!!!!!

[baroquebucky]

chemistry

part 1

A/N: okay so this is the first real part of my new series :D let me know what you guys think <3 it’s kinda slow but i promise it’ll get better !!!! also i know there’s like not much about the schools programs in the movie but just imagine that they have a vet program lmao thank u :-)

You shuffled around your backpack looking for your dialectical journal, quickly scribbling your name on it and handing it to your AP lang teacher with a smile as she collected them.

“i hope you enjoy midtown tech ms. Parks” she smiled at you and you gave her a soft thank you as the bell rang. You gathered your things and swung your backpack over your shoulder, heading to the area sami had pointed for you to wait for her earlier that morning.

As you looked over the sea of people you saw the unfamiliar yet familiar curly brown hair you had set your eyes on earlier, you glanced at his face and quickly checked him out as he walked through the halls, weaving through the many teens talking and crowding the halls. Before you could fall head over heels for the stranger you saw sami walking quickly your way, eager to see what you had thought so far.

“i mean yeah it’s pretty good so far, nothing much has happened” you smiled biting into your pizza, half paying attention to what your friend was saying and half glancing to see if the curly stranger had A lunch too.

“okay either you’re thinking about something much more important or suddenly you think my analysis of parks and rec is boring” sami spoke, looking at you with such seriousness you let out a small laugh.

“you know i love your episode by episode review sam” you smiled, sipping your water and hoping to avoid the subject of a crush with sami, because once she envisioned a pair of people together, not even the national guard could stop her.

“I know you do, so why weren’t you paying attention to it” she spoke, quirking her eyebrow out as you leaned your head back and groaned at her persistence. “I just saw this cute boy and i just can’t get him off my mind it’s nothing” you shrugged, shoving a spoonful of your fruit cup in your mouth.

“oh my god y/n finally i can get some work done!” She shouted causing you to choke at her sudden outburst. You swapped the fruit quickly and began coughing, immediately downing water and starting to laugh.

“jesus christ sami i almost choked calm down” you laughed as she pulled her phone out and went to Instagram. “What’s his name?” She asked not even looking up at you and you rolled your eyes.

“I don’t know i just saw him for like three seconds before you blocked my view of him” you smirked at her, knowing he dreams of playing matchmaker were gone. “I’ll find him, what kind of hair did he have? What was he wearing?” She asked quickly.

“uh curly hair, brown curly hair and brown eyes, a grey jacket i think” you shrugged finishing your lunch before throwing it away and sitting back down. Sami groaned as you gave her your vague answers. “I’ll find him” she mumbled as you both walked out of the cafeteria.

You looked at your wrinkled paper, searching the halls for your 4th period, art. You found the art room after taking two wrong turns and having to walk the entirety of the second floor because you were too scared to turn around.

“For your first art project of the year i want you guys to draw or paint a place you like, it can be your home, a safe space or just somewhere in the world” the teacher spoke, explaining the project that would ease you into the year.

As the bell rang once more you headed to an outside building for your small animal management class, then you headed back inside for your pre calculus class. You sighed walking through the halls, pulling out your wrinkled schedule once more and walking downstrairs again to look for your AP chemistry class.

You scanned the walls for the matching room number and you were met with your new chemistry teacher as you approached the door.

“hi what’s your name?” She smiled at you holding out a clipboard. “Y/N parks” you smiled at her, fiddling with your lanyard. “Ah yes, go ahead and sit wherever you’d like, i don’t have a seating chart yet” you thanked her and took a seat near the middle of the class.

You watched as more kids pounded into the room, your eyes searching for Sami, you were giddy just thinking about having a class with her. You smiled widely as she walked into the room, taking a seat beside you.

You were so engrossed in your conversation you didn’t see the boy with the brown curls walk in. The teacher closed the door and smiled at the class, welcoming you all and giving you a syllabus. That’s when you saw him.

Four columns over and two seats ahead of you, sat the cute boy with the curly hair you had been thinking of all day. “That’s him!” You whispered to sami as you unsubtly pointed in the boys direction as you took out an empty spiral notebook. “Oh my god that’s peter parker! You have a crush on him?” Sami laughed a little and you blushed.

“I mean look at him he’s so cute! And he must be smart, i mean AP chem isn’t for everyone” you smiled, wanting to get sami off your case. She only shrugged and put the syllabus you handed her into her binder. As the class ended you and sami both walked out, heading to your final class which you had together as well, orchestra.

It didn’t take you long to realize that peter and his friend, Ned, were walking behind you two, talking about something in Star Wars. “sami hes behind us holy shit” you whispered, smiling widely at your friend, following her to the orchestra room.

“Oh yeah i forgot to mention he’s in band!” She scoffed, mumbling under her breath a little. “hey bands not so bad! they’re pretty good and guard is amazing” You huffed, furrowing your eyebrows and pushing your friend slightly.

“look just because you almost did color guard your freshman year doesn’t mean you have to defend marching band” she laughed as you rolled your eyes.

“it’s fun okay!” You defended yourself laughing at her mock annoyance of you.

As you walked down the strairs you noticed how peter and Ned took the elevator down, you shrugged it off and continued your way into the orchestra room. You told the teacher you played bass, she quickly assigned an instrument for school and one to take home and got you the music you were missing.

The final bell of the day rang and you packed your stuff up. Getting ready to call your best friend back home and tell her all that had happened today.

You and sami walked out of school, waving bye to her as she entered her moms car. “You sure you don’t want a ride?” She asked for the fifth time and you laughed.

“Yes I’m sure, I’ll take the train I’ll be fine” you smiled and said goodbye one last time, hopping on the train and quickly finding a seat, texting your best friends back home of today’s events.

-

“Ned she was so pretty! Like oh my god, her hair! and during class she said ‘that’s him!’ Oh my god she’s so cute” peter spoke to his best friend, an extra bounce in his step as they made their way to the train station.

“you know it’s unfair you use your senses to find out who likes you but you call it cheating when i want you to see if the girl from 5th period likes me, or that girl in the tuba section!” Ned scoffed throwing his hands up as peter ugly laughed softly.

“listen dude, i just think i might have a real shot with her, i just have to find a way to talk to her you know?” Peter spoke, hopping on the train with his friend, ending the conversation about girls and starting the one about building the new LEGO set he got over the weekend.

As he got down from the train with Ned it didn’t take him long to spot you, his heart racing a little faster as he saw you talking on the phone, a smile on your face.

“wait Ned shut up!” Peter spoke quickly, rushing to move closer to you. He focused his senses to hear your voice amongst the crowded train station.

“i mean yeah it’s pretty nice here, i have to take the train so that’s pretty fun, also there’s this really cute guy i saw, i have chemistry with him- no dumbass the class” you laughed.

Peters heart rate sped up as he heard you talking, were you talking about him? I mean that one football player was sitting next to him, maybe you were pointing at him. He focused once more to see if maybe, just maybe you would drop another hint.

“- yeah no way bro, i think he does sports” you spoke, going up the stairs. Peters small smile fell from his face and Ned watched intently.

“what did she say?” He quickly asked, peter sighed. “I think she was talking about charles, she said she thought he did sports, we both know I’m not the sport type” peter spoke, clutching the strap of his backpack tightly as the two headed to his apartment.

Ned put his hand reassuringly on peter shoulder, “dont man, I’m sure if it’s meant to be, fate will pull you two together” he smiled and peter looked at him.

“dude that was so wise” he smiled, Ned only winked at him in return, causing both of them to burst out laughing.

-

The next day came quickly for you, and before you knew it you were walking into AP chemistry again, heart racing as you anticipated the new seating chart.

“please for the love of any higher force put me next to the cute peter kid” you whispered, taking the seat you sat in the day before. Sami soon walked in with a smirk on her face, that immediately set off alarms in your mind.

“oh god what did you do” you spoke worried.

“oh no not me, fate” she winked before turning to face the front, peter rushing in as the bell rang and taking a seat.

“okay as you know we will have a seating chart so if you will all please line up,” Ms. Patrick spoke, naming off kids, it wasn’t until 9 kids in that you realized he was going alphabetically.

“Mr. Parker you’ll be behind Jamie” she spoke, peter stumbled as he made his way to the seat and you smiled softly at his awkwardness.

“Ms. Parks you’ll be next to peter” the teacher spoke, continuing to name out the list. You however, cough as you choke on your spit, walking to your seat with a flushed face, not wanting to look at the boy next to you.

You quickly gulped down your water, not wanting attention drawn to yourself, even though yesterday you would’ve pounced on the boy sitting next to you.

“are- are you okay?” He whispered, causing your face to turn a deeper red.

“me? Yeah I’m fine I’m really good why?” You spoke quickly, fiddling with your pencil as the teacher gave instructions on how to set the notebook up.

“you just look really nervous, don’t worry, i don’t bite” he smiled at you and you felt your heart skip a beat, Jesus his smile is so cute.

You returned his smile and quickly looked down at your notebook, cutting the small slips of paper and gluing then into the first page.

“okay write your names on the front of the notebook and then I’ll hand out your homework” the teacher spoke, handing out sharpies.

You looked at peter, seeing how his brow furrowed just a bit when he was taking notes. He glanced up and you quickly looked forward, heart racing at the thought of him knowing you snuck glances at him.

“y/n?” He asked and you looked at him quickly, face slightly red, scared he had caught you staring. “the sharpie” he spoke and you laughed, facepalming yourself mentally.

“oh yeah- uh thanks” you spoke clearing your throat, then you realized, your front cover is black.

“where the hell do i write my name” you whispered, looking to see if there was another colored sharpie.

“you can- you could write it on the inside” peter spoke, leaning over to flip your notebook cover. He smiled brightly at you and you returned it.

“oh yeah, duh, you’re smart” you smiled, chuckling softly as you write your name before handing the sharpie to the girl infront of you.

Peter watched as you wrote your name down, falling in love with the way you wrote your name, how would it look if you wrote his name down? He smiled at the way you looked taking notes, thinking the way you bit your bottom lip slightly made you look cute.

Peter blushed when he felt your eyes on him, he knew exactly how fast your heart rate became when he looked up and you thought he had caught you. Technically, he knew so you were caught, but you didn’t know that, and the way you smiled at him when he wasn’t looking made him swear he wouldn’t let you know he knew.

Suddenly, AP chemistry became your favorite class, and not because of the subject.

Peter realized that AP chemistry was all he looked forward to, because the pretty girl somehow ended up next to him. And then he smiled at himself as he swung through the streets of Queens, maybe it was fate.

part 2

[dvp95]

quiet on widow’s peak (6)

pairing: dan howell/phil lester, pj liguori/sophie newton/chris kendall rating: teen & up tags: paranormal investigator, mystery, online friendship, slow burn, strangers to lovers, nonbinary character, trans character, background poly, phil does some buzzfeed unsolved shit and dan is a fan word count: 2.9k (this chapter), 19.7k (total) summary: Phil’s got a list of paranormal experiences a mile long that he likes to share with the world. Abandoned buildings, cemeteries, and ghost stories have always called his name, and a particular fan of his has a really, really good ghost story.

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

Hope my friends and I didn't make things weird for you yesterday. We're heading to the city around noon if you're still up for helping us with the boring part.

noon?? fucking alright i guess i gotta put pants on

lmao yeah, sorry. My parents woke us up at EIGHT like that's a normal time to be awake????

desgostang

What?

ill send u the link later and also no i didnt feel weird yesterday you guys are nice

That's good! And hey I wanted to ask. You were kind of put on the spot with introducing yourself, would you rather we called you Dan or Winnie? I just wanna make sure we aren't making you uncomfortable at all lmao

no its all fine you can call me dan idc and actually its best if you do call me dan when youre in my work lmao

Are you totally sure?

why would i lie abt this. dont be an idiot it isnt a good look on you

haha okay. I’ll see you around noon.

--

“Christopher is a nice boy,” Phil’s mum is telling him as she helps him with their fancy new coffeemaker. There are so many buttons and Phil is so, so tired. “And Sophie is lovely, such a soft-spoken thing. Why haven’t we met them before, dear?”

“Dunno,” Phil says instead of the truth, which is that he’d had no idea how he was supposed to introduce them. “You have now, though.”

His mum laughs and reaches up to pat his cheek. “True enough. I’m so happy that you’ve got good people around you, Philip. I’ve gotten quite worried about you down there by yourself, you know.”

“I’m not by myself,” says Phil. “I live with, like, thirty people.”

“Bunch of strangers, I’ll bet,” she says, because she knows him. “Aside from those three.”

The thing is, she’s not wrong. Phil’s obviously exaggerating about the number of people under the roof of the creaky Brighton house, but the truth is that he can’t keep track half the time. A lot of the rooms get sublet out randomly, or a significant other will start spending so much time around the place that they might as well pay rent, and Phil really isn’t good with new people. He gets along fine with Holly and Dave, but they’ve been there as long as he has and the closest they’ve ever come to a heart-to-heart was comparing anxiety meds over burned pancakes.

Chris and Sophie were there when Phil moved in, and they’d taken one look at him and decided to just keep shoving into his space until he liked having them there, like they were on a mission to adopt PJ’s sad, ghost-obsessed friend from the internet.

“You might be right,” Phil says, feeling a smile tug at his lips for the first time all morning. He’s already had a coffee - and a half, when PJ declared that not even Kath could make coffee taste good and shoved the rest of his Phil’s way - but he still doesn’t feel fully awake. “I’m only really friends with Chris and Soph because of PJ.”

“PJ is a good friend to you, isn’t he?” his mum hums. That slightly pointed tone doesn’t get to Phil the way it usually does, because he knows that she’s just trying to understand him.

It doesn’t escape Phil’s notice that he’s looking into a mirror whenever he sees his parents watching him carefully, waiting for him to tell them something he hasn’t explicitly said, because he’s been doing the exact same thing to his housemates for nearly two years.

Maybe he’ll tell his parents when he’s got someone serious or even, like, semi-serious. Longer than two dates would be a record at this point. But right now he already feels like he’s been one misstep away from disappointing them, and he doesn’t want to take the gamble that his sexuality will be that misstep.

He’s not up for this conversation, though, isn’t sure he’ll ever be, so he just says, “Yeah, he is.”

--

Dan is late. They’re so late, actually, that Phil’s wheel of worst case scenarios has been spinning silently and getting faster and faster the more caffeine he chugs. They roll in with flushed cheeks and a jacket that looks too thin, apologies on their shiny lips that Phil doesn’t even hear for a couple of seconds because he’s too busy staring at them.

“No worries,” Sophie says, interrupting their rambling before they lose another half hour to it. “You want something? I’m getting a refill.”

“No, no, let me,” says Dan. They shrug off their jacket and hang it on one of the empty chairs. Phil and his friends have co-opted the largest table in the place so they can spread out with their laptops and notebooks, and it doesn’t escape Phil’s notice that Dan has decided to sit next to him when they’ve got a couple of options. “I get free drinks if Gabe’s in a good mood. Anyone else need a refill?”

“Me,” Chris says, not looking up from his screen. “Not Phil. He’s cut off.”

“Hey,” Phil protests weakly. His heart rate really has picked up since they sat down, so he knows Chris has a point.

Dan grins, their soft cheeks giving way to the dimples that Phil is very quickly growing obsessed with. He just wants to make Dan smile and laugh constantly, to hear them cackle and see all the lines in their round face deepen with happiness.

Right. Phil watched a horror movie with PJ instead of unpacking this fluttering start of a crush last night, and now he’s just got to deal with it for the rest of the day.

As if it’s a compulsion, Dan clears the empty mugs from their table before heading up to the counter. Phil focuses on the EMF readings so he doesn’t get caught up on Dan holding four mugs by the handles with total ease.

PJ has got headphones on and his eyes closed, so he might not even have noticed that Dan is there. He’s been going through Sophie’s footage and his own audio recordings to try and find some anomalies while Chris looks for the weird visual stuff - they’re a great team at that, and it makes Phil feel like he’s not doing enough. Sure, he could find those things on his own, but not as quickly as they can when it’s a team effort, and they’re on a bit of a tight schedule here. Well, his housemates are. They’ve got actual jobs to get back to once the weekend is over.

Allegedly, Sophie is doing research on sigils, but it looks to Phil like she’s just doodling. Not that he really blames her if she is. He’s barely been paying attention to the chart he’s making of spikes in electromagnetism because he’s been so busy watching the door for Dan.

And Dan looks… good. They’re wearing chunky boots and a shirt that falls to their thighs - a dress, maybe, but it looks like a regular black t-shirt that got extended at the hem - with tight white jeans. The only colour on them is the plaid shirt around their waist and the shiny red product on their lips to match it. Phil watches them lean against the counter and grin at the older barista, and he’s so distracted by looking at their profile that he startles when a foot connects with his under the table.

“Stop staring,” Sophie says, quiet and smiling. “He’s going to notice.”

Phil considers correcting her, but then he remembers that he probably doesn’t have to. Dan had said any pronouns, that they didn’t care how they were referred to, so it would definitely be weirder to act like he knows better than Sophie.

He knows he won’t be able to use masculine terms for Dan. Not because they aren’t true, because he’s pretty sure they’re no less accurate than neutral or feminine would be, but because thinking of Dan as a maculine person is only going to allow Phil’s brain to fall into the familiar traps of gender in ways he doesn’t want to allow.

Gay monkey brain doesn’t need any more leeway in finding Dan attractive, that’s for damn sure.

“So, what are we doing?” Dan asks, interrupting Phil’s thoughts, and, wow, four mugs is a lot more impressive when they’re full of hot liquid. Phil marvels at Dan’s ability not to trip and spill it all as they dole out the coffee and teas.

“I’m doing the boring part,” says Phil. He turns his screen so Dan can see the Excel spreadsheet and laughs at the face they make. “Yeah. It's not glamorous, but it's the easiest way to find patterns in the EMF readings. Honestly, most of my job is just staring at things and finding patterns in them. Like, uh, what's that guy? With the butterfly splotches?"

"Worcestershire," Chris suggests.

"Rorschach," Dan corrects him, lips twitching like they aren't sure if they're allowed to laugh in Chris' face or not.

“That’s exactly what I said,” says Chris.

“You know EMF meters don’t have anything to do with ghosts, right?” Dan asks, ignoring Chris completely and leaning a bit closer to Phil to get a better look at his laptop. “I mean, none of this has anything to do with ghosts, really, but you’re more or less just measuring electricity.”

Phil is aware of that. He wonders if Dan thinks he just stumbles into haunted houses with equipment he hasn’t researched and waits to be spooked. He’s too distracted by how close Dan is and how good they smell to work up to proper offense, though. “Yeah,” he says simply. “But don’t you think it’s weird that the place still has electricity to begin with? Who’s paying for that?”

“A Wilkins, I’d imagine.”

“But why? If they’ve forgotten about the property or abandoned it on purpose, surely they wouldn’t still pay the bills.”

“Maybe they don’t handle their own finances,” Dan suggests. “How rich were these assholes?”

“I honestly don’t know,” says Phil. He taps his fingers in an erratic pattern on the edge of his laptop, trying to spark something in his mind.

It’s almost disappointing when Dan pulls away to dig out their own sleek Macbook out of their messenger bag, but Phil is also glad for it. He can think a lot easier when the warm scent of spice and mint isn’t clogging his brain.

Dan slots into the work as easily as if a space was left for them. They’ve got dozens of tabs open already and they start to go through them, cross-referencing magic things with Sophie in quiet tones and digging deeper into the Wilkins family than Phil ever would have thought to. Every so often they tap Phil on the arm and drag him into whatever rabbithole they’ve fallen down, chatting animatedly.

Phil knows, objectively, that Dan is a fan of his and that Dan is weird about research. It’s another thing entirely to watch it happen in real time, to see Dan pull up local census PDFs from the eighties and explain why chaos magic is bullshit in the same breath.

An hour or so goes by like that, all of them working on their own things with minimal words exchanged by everybody but Dan, and then Chris shouts loud enough to make the barista jump. Nobody else is in the coffee shop right now, which is lucky, because Dan’s got a hand over their chest and Sophie has slopped tea down her front. PJ, with his headphones on, simply cracks an eye open.

“What the fuck was that about?” Phil asks, putting his own palm against his chest to feel his heart race. Dan raises their eyebrows and looks at Phil, seemingly distracted from the startling, wordless exclamation.

They don’t get a chance to say whatever they’re thinking, though, because Chris is turning his laptop to the rest of the table and grinning wide like the Cheshire Cat. “I found something.”

Everybody gathers round, PJ getting up to lean over the back of Phil’s chair and Sophie getting so far into Dan’s personal space that Phil is certain they’re uncomfortable with it, and then Chris presses play upside down. It’s part of Sophie’s footage, Phil standing in the dim foyer and looking frustrated. Even without sound, Phil can tell that this is when he was arguing with Sophie about going upstairs. He squints, but he can’t see whatever it is that’s got Chris being so loud.

“What am I looking at?” PJ asks when the short clip ends, and Dan hums an agreement. Chris makes a frustrated noise like they’re being obtuse on purpose and rewinds to the beginning.

"There," Chris says, excited like he hasn't been since they got to Manchester. He taps his finger against the laptop screen. "D'you see it? D'you see the shadow?"

Now that Chris has pointed it out, Phil does see something. He moves his own laptop and notebook out of the way to pull Chris’ closer with a frown. Chris lets him do that, bouncing in his seat a little bit.

“That’s straight up a person,” Phil says slowly, tracing the outline of the shadow with the mouse. It’s behind him, in the entry to the kitchen, and it looks tall. Quite a bit taller than Phil, anyway, if he’s remembering that doorframe correctly. He decides to measure it next time they go so he isn’t going off memory. “I knew we weren’t alone in there. Like. I’m not crazy, that’s a human being.”

“That’s what I thought,” says Chris. “But press play.”

So Phil presses play. He watches the shadow stay perfectly still in the kitchen doorway until, suddenly, it’s not there anymore. He blinks, rewinds, and watches it disappear again.

Phil’s caffeinated brain is firing on all cylinders now. He grins and shoves his sleeves up to his elbows before he starts fiddling with the clip. The lighting gets played with until the shadow is more obvious and then he slows it down to 0.25 times speed to see if the shadow really just vanishes.

He presses play again. This time, with a very slow-motion Phil talking in the foreground, he sees the shadow move. It runs sideways, further into the house.

“What the fuck?” Dan breathes.

“We are not going back there without some serious protection,” PJ says, even firmer on the topic now.

“What, like sigils?” Dan asks, their pretty eyes wide even as they scoff. “You’d be better off with a fucking, like, baseball bat, mate. That doesn’t look like something that wants to be your friend.”

“I’ve got a crowbar in PJ’s trunk,” Phil says, absent-minded as he plays with the clip some more.

“Excuse me? When did you put that in my car?”

“Couple months ago.”

“Huh. How have I not noticed?”

“You’re not the most observant person I’ve ever met,” says Phil. He looks up at Chris, who’s got the same exhilarated look that Phil is sure he’s mirroring. They don’t get evidence like this very often, something so clearly there that it’s even got a skeptic’s mind racing. Phil exports the edited clip and then the original, putting them both into the Cloud and emailing them to himself. “Was this the only time you saw it?”

Chris nods, accepting his laptop back when Phil is done with it. “I’ll look through everything again, now that I know what I’m looking for and all, but I think that’s it.”

“Okay, cool.” Phil looks around at his friends and Dan, beaming. “Something weird is happening. I love it when something weird is happening.”

“I hate it when something weird is happening,” PJ says, which is a blatant lie.

“Well, we can’t go snooping around until it’s darker out, anyhow,” Sophie reminds them.

“Wait, we’re snooping?” Dan asks, their voice going up an entire octave in disbelief. “Like… you just saw that someone is there and probably not happy about people sneaking around, right? Don’t you have enough for a video already?”

“We’re spending the night,” says Phil. “It’s what we do.”

“It’s what you do,” PJ corrects him.

“Okay, yeah, you guys don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”

“No, I’m coming,” says PJ.

As if she can’t hear them bickering, Sophie turns to Dan with a sweet smile, her eyes twinkling with the same excitement in Chris’. They love this, just like Phil does. “What about you, Dan?” she asks. “Are you going to have a ghost sleepover with us?”

“There’s no such thing as ghosts,” Dan says, their eyes still glued to the back of Chris’ laptop like they can see the shadow through it.

“Guess you don’t have anything to be afraid of, then,” says Chris.

“Uh, axe murderers, maybe?”

“We know what we’re doing, Dan,” Phil reassures them. He reaches a hand out to pat at their arm, feeling a bit awkward about it. “But you don’t have to come with us if you’re scared.”

That makes Dan’s gaze shift. Suddenly, those brown eyes are staring right into Phil’s soul, defiant and beautiful and impossible to look away from.

“Who said I was fucking scared?”

[jazzman-19-blog]

Crazy Little Thing Called Life

*Got gif from Google, if this is yours, tell me and I’ll credit you!*

A/N: Ok so this one was alotttttttt. But it was also fun to write? i dont even know but yeah. I was suppose to upload this yesterday but I’m lazy so I didn’t. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter! BYEEEE :]

~with lots of love, Jazzman~

Summary: A road trip/ vacation between two old friends that turns into something more(basic plot but whateva)

Song(s): Boyfriend by Ariana Grande, Let You Down by NF, and You’re My Best Friend by Queen ;)

Pairing: Ben x reader

Word Count: 4385

Warnings: AnGsT, masturbation in the shower lmao, and some friendship fluff

If you would like to be added to the taglist, just ask!

*Reblogs/asks/opinions are always appreciated!*

Ch. 4: The Desk Girl

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     God, you were dreading the long drive from Yuma to San Diego. It was going to be a long three hours. You and Ben hadn’t talked about last night, even though there wasn’t much to talk about. But when you had woken up this morning, Ben wasn’t there. He wasn’t even in the hotel room for that matter. You just had decided to continue your morning routine and get packed and ready to leave. Ben came back but hadn’t talked to you, not even a simple hello. It was the first time in never that he never even said good morning or hello to you. He walked passed you like you were some stranger, a complete rando. It was a little scary and odd but you let him be because you had to worry about yourself and get your stuff situated. 

     When noon hit, you were already to go. Your stuff was loaded into the back of the SUV and so was Ben’s. You were all ready to hit the road and hurry and get to the house that your uncle had so kindly given you to use while he was away on a business trip. You’ve been to his house before and it was magnificent. You went inside the lobby to give back the keys to the room when you saw Ben talking to the lady at the front desk. The same girl who had given you your keys when you checked in. You could obviously tell she was smitten by Ben and was trying to flirt with him. And you could tell he was flirting back. It infuriated you because he could make time to talk to her, but didn’t have the time to even say hello to you? His best friend? Fine, two can play at this game. 

     You walked up to the front desk and placed your keys in between them. Ben turned to look at you and then turned back to the girl. Oh boy was he testing you today. If he didn’t have the keys to the car, you would have left him there. You pushed Ben aside and before the girl could say anything, you place your hand on the keys and pushed them forward.

     “We’re checking out.” You turned to look at Ben who was looking down and fumbling with the keys to the car. You could tell he was embarrassed. You looked back up at the girl and said goodbye as you grabbed Ben’s arm and dragged him to the car. 

     The girl just watched as Ben waved goodbye and headed with you towards the car. You let go of his arm and climbed into the passengers seat and slammed the door. You weren’t even mad at the girl, you were mad at Ben for ignoring you all day but decided to talk to some random girl from Yuma who neither of you would even see again. Even though the real reason was because you were jealous and you knew it. One of your many downfalls, you were jealous that Ben wasn’t flirting with you but with some girl. A girl that was beautiful unlike you. She was just as beautiful as a model, absolutely stunning. You huffed in frustration, why couldn’t you be like the other girls and be pretty for once and have guys fall for you every second? You weren’t able to finish that thought because Ben jumped in the car and slammed the door harder than you had. You stared straight ahead but you could feel his green eyes burn into the side of your face. 

     “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT, Y/N?” Ben was mad and for what, he had nothing to be mad about. All you wanted to do was get out of there. 

     “What was what?” You turned your head to look at him. Realizing he was actually mad, you turned away not wanting to look him in the eyes. 

     “I was in the middle of a conversation, and you just rudely interrupted it to turn in some stupid keys!” He sat back against the seat and waited for you to speak still tense though.

     “Sorry if you were too busy flirting but I’m ready to go and I don’t have time for this flirting bullshit that you pull every time we go somewhere, whether it be a restaurant or a god damn hotel lobby, you always find some girl that is absolutely smitten over you and then you get pulled in and it goes no where and I’m stuck looking like a dumbass. I don’t even know why you flirt with these girls when you KNOW it’s not gonna go anywhere. The only time you actually got something from it, is when you got your cock sucked once and that was about it. I’m done, really, all I wanted was to go to San Diego without any distractions.” You sat back against your seat and huff while looking out the window. “And I’m not even mad about the flirting...”

     “Then what are you mad about? Because I didn’t see a problem” Ben turned to look at you but you continued to look in the other direction. “Why won’t you look at me?!” 

     You finally had turned to face him, staring into his eyes that were filled with anger. 

     “I’M MAD BECAUSE YOU HAD TIME TO TALK TO THIS RANDOM GIRL IN THE LOBBY BUT YOU DIDN’T HAVE TIME TO EVEN SAY GOOD MORNING OR HELLO TO ME! Your best friend…” Now tears were falling down your face and you tried so hard to keep them in but it didn’t work and you turned your head to face the window again. “I thought I was important but apparently not.” 

     Complete and utter silence filled the car. 

     “But you are important to me, love. I just wasn’t in the mood to talk this morning.”

     “But you were in the mood to talk to the desk girl, yes, because that makes total sense Ben.” You wiped your tears away with the sleeve of Ben’s jersey sweater, that you didn’t want anymore. So you decide to take it off and throw it in the back seats. Ben turned to look at the sweater in the back and then looked towards you. 

     “W-why’d you take the sweater off?” His voice was cracking at the end. You didn’t want to look him in the face and tell him because right now, I fucking hate you. You couldn’t tell him that. Because you didn’t mean it. 

     “Because I’m not cold anymore.” You turned to look at him, you hadn’t realize that one tear had manged to slip down his cheek. Usually you would wipe it away for him and make him feel better but not this time. You looked forward out of the windshield. “I’m ready to go, I don’t want to talk about this right now.”

     “So that’s it? You don’t even want to try and talk about it? Try and fix it? Don’t you want to talk about last night?” He turned the keys to start the car and was getting ready for the long haul. 

     “What’s there to even talk about at this point?” You didn’t even want to look at him because he would be able to see more tears falling down your cheeks. Your voice cracked at the end but Ben didn’t noticed. Instead of listening to him bitch, you plugged in your headphones and listened to music. You had rested your elbow on the window while your chin was in your palm. This was going to be a long drive. For you and Ben. 

                    Ben’s POV

     He had woke up before you and he thanked the god’s for that. He didn’t want to explain to you why he was rocking his hips into yours. He had a fucking wet dream about you and it was embarrassing to say the least. Luckily, your a heavy sleeper and didn’t wake up to him doing that. He felt gross for doing that to you, his best friend. He couldn’t help but to see how beautiful you were when you slept. But he knew he couldn’t stare at you forever. He slipped his hands from around your waist and shimmied off the bed. He opened his suit case and pulled out some clothes to put on after he took his shower. 

     Once he grabbed his clothes, he dashed to the bathroom and jumped right into the warm, hot shower. He was still hard since he didn’t get off while he was in his wet dream. He grabbed some of the shampoo and lathered it onto his member. He couldn’t help but imagine it as your hand that was rubbing his cock and making him feel good. He let out a small moan but not loud enough to wake you up. He knew he was getting close when his thrusting became sloppier. He was fucking his hand at this point but he needed some kind of release. He needed you. He could just imagine how good you would feel to have your mouth around his cock. He couldn’t finish that thought though because he had cummed right after, letting everything go. He was sweaty and hot and the steam from the shower didn’t help. 

     He cleaned himself up and finished taking a shower. He threw on his clothes and looked in the mirror for a while. He felt gross for doing that, just like the wet dream. He knew it was wrong but oh god he still did it. He looked away and dried his wet hair with the towel and walked out of the bathroom. You were still asleep on the bed of course. You hated waking up in the morning and Ben knew that. It always worked in his favor when he woke up earlier than you. He had looked at the time on his phone, it was 8:32. He still had enough time before your 9 o’clock alarm went off, but he didn’t want to be here when you did wake up. He didn’t want to talk about him cuddling up next to you and he hoped you didn’t notice him having a wet dream right against you. He didn’t even want to talk to you. 

     Instead, he decided to go get some coffee down the street. He got the car keys and left, he went down the hall towards the elevator and got in. Once he reached the lobby, he headed towards the front door but wasn’t paying attention and bumped into a lady in some kind of uniform. It was the hotel uniform. 

     “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to bump into you.” He quickly said before making eye contact with the girl. She was pretty, but not as pretty as you. 

     “It’s alright. I should have been paying attention to my surroundings and not my phone.” She looked up at Ben and made eye contact for a few seconds before Ben broke away. All he could do was nod, he wanted to get out of there as fast as possible. He’s seen the look in her eyes like all of the other girls he’s been with. She was helplessly falling for him and he knew it. He broke the silence before she could. 

    “Well, I should get going.” He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand while not making eye contact. 

     “O-okay, maybe I’ll talk to you later?” She asked with hope in her voice. 

     “Maybe…” and with that, Ben took off for the car. 

                30 minutes later

     He didn’t just go for coffee, Ben decided to go walk around for a bit in the park from last night and enjoy the morning breeze. He pulled out his phone to check the time, it was already 9:10. He needed to get back to pack up and put everything in the car to leave. He still didn’t want to talk to you, maybe if he could avoid contact until the car ride, maybe it would be fine. He threw away the empty coffee cup and headed to the car to go back to the hotel. 

     Once he arrived, the girl he ran into from earlier was sitting at the front desk looking at her phone. Maybe he could sneak by without her noticing. He succeed and headed for the elevator. He didn’t like the girl but she was nice. He didn’t want her though. He wanted you, you were the one playing through his head during the night. He couldn’t get you out. Once he reached the right floor, he headed for the room, hoping you were in the shower. When he opened the door, he saw that you weren’t in the room but instead in the bathroom, doing your morning routine. He walked by without saying anything, not even a simple hello. He felt bad but he couldn’t bring himself to talking to you. He walked over to his side of the room and started packing his clothes into his suitcase. 

     He finished packing and loading his stuff into the car around 11:34 and was waiting for you to finish. When you had came out of the bathroom earlier, you looked at him but didn’t say a thing. She knew he would be the first to say good morning or hello, it was like routine but he didn’t, not today. Now, he was waiting in the lobby with the car keys and messing around on social media. He got bored of that and wanted someone to talk to and he knew who. 

     He walked over to the front desk where the girl from earlier sat. She looked up as he walked over, her eyes beaming. 

     “Hey,” Ben said as he leaned up against the counter. “Just thought you would like some company instead of your phone.” 

     “I would love that,” She said as she put her phone down. “What’s your name? I never caught it when we bumped into each other earlier.”

     “That’s because I never threw it.” Ben saw that the girl had chuckled at his joke. But god, her laugh didn’t even compare to yours. “It’s Ben though. You?”

     “Rachel.”

     “What a beautiful name, love. I could say it all day and never get tired of it.” He knew how flirting worked, he was a pro at it. He also practiced with Y/n because she said he wasn’t a “lady’s man” yet and needed practice. 

     “Thank you! What brings you here to Yuma? Not many people like to come here.” 

     “Well, me and my friend actually are just stopping by to see family before heading out again.” Ben could see you coming though the front doors from the corner of his eye. 

     “Just friends?” Rachel was a bit curious about that. 

     “Yep.” Popping the p before Y/n slid the keys between the two of you. He looked over at her then back to Rachel. Ben knew what he was doing, he was trying to make Y/n jealous. Before he knew it, Y/n pushed him to the side and left him there to turn in the keys herself. He started to fumbled with the car keys and was a little embarrassed as of how easily she could control him. Y/n yanked his arm and dragged him to the car. Ben turned around and simply waved goodbye to Rachel. 

     Once they reached the car, Y/n let go of his arm and jumped into the passenger side and slammed the door. Ben wasn’t even supposed to be mad but her attitude was changing that. He climbed into the drivers side and slammed the door harder. He turned to look at her but she wouldn’t look at him and he didn’t know why. 

     “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT, Y/N?” 

     “What was what?” She finally faced him and quickly turned back away. 

     “I was in the middle of a conversation, and you just rudely interrupted it to turn in some stupid keys!” Ben was right though, originally it was just a conversation but then he turned it into something to use against Y/n but she didn’t need to know that. He leaned back against his seat. 

     “Sorry if you were too busy flirting but I’m ready to go and I don’t have time for this flirting bullshit that you pull every time we go somewhere, whether it be a restaurant or a god damn hotel lobby, you always find some girl that is absolutely smitten over you and then you get pulled in and it goes no where and I’m stuck looking like a dumbass. I don’t even know why you flirt with these girls when you KNOW it’s not gonna go anywhere. The only time you actually got something from it, is when you got your cock sucked once and that was about it. I’m done, really, all I wanted was to go to San Diego without any distractions.” You said with full anger and some sadness mixed in. Ben was a little taken back, he didn’t expect that. Not at all. 

     “And I’m not even mad about the flirting...” You finally said after relaxing against the passenger's seat. 

     “Then what are you mad about? Because I didn’t see a problem” He decided to face you so you could make eye contact but you didn’t. He was getting frustrated. “Why won’t you look at me?!” 

     “I’M MAD BECAUSE YOU HAD TIME TO TALK TO THIS RANDOM GIRL IN THE LOBBY BUT YOU DIDN’T HAVE TIME TO EVEN SAY GOOD MORNING OR HELLO TO ME! Your best friend…” Now it was getting deep. Too deep. She started to cry. Fuck. He hated it when you cried. Y/n faced back to the window to try and hide her tears but he had already seen them fall. “I thought I was important but apparently not.” 

     Ben didn’t know what to say to make any of this better. He was breaking little by little. 

     “But you are important to me, love. I just wasn’t in the mood to talk this morning.” He finally says. He knew that didn’t sound right but it was the only thing that could come out of his mouth at this point. 

     “But you were in the mood to talk to the desk girl, yes, because that makes total sense Ben.” After you said that, you took off Ben’s sweater and threw it in the back. 

     “W-why’d you take the sweater off?” Ben’s voice was breaking and he was so close to crumbling. A single tear had managed to escape and run down his cheek. 

     “Because I’m not cold anymore.” When you said that you turned to face him but then towards the windshield. If you weren’t there right now, Ben would break down and start crying. “I’m ready to go, I don’t want to talk about this right now.”

     “So that’s it? You don’t even want to try and talk about it? Try and fix it? Don’t you want to talk about last night?” Ben said before starting the car and heading out of the parking lot of the hotel. 

     “What’s there to even talk about at this point?” You finally say before turning away from him and getting lost in your own world. Ben didn’t know what to do. But all he knew he could do was to drive to San Diego. He was going to fucking hate the next three hours. 

                       Y/N POV

     A hour already passed and you and Ben haven’t talked the whole time. It was really stressing you out. This is the longest time you both haven’t spoken to each other. You didn’t like it one bit so you decided to take matters into your own hands. You took your headphones out and flip your body so you were facing Ben. He didn’t look so good, his eyes were red and his cheeks were stained with dried tears. How did you not notice your best friend crying his eyes out next to you for the last hour? You really were a bad friend. Ben didn’t need you, you didn’t deserve him really. You were the one making him cry. You put your hand on his thigh and started to rub it with your thumb. He looked over to you but quickly back to the road. In that small glance you could see regret and sorrow in his sage eyes. 

     “Ben…” You started to dig your nails into your palm with the hand that wasn’t on Ben’s thigh. You did this when you got anxious, stressed, or scared but right now, you were all three. “Can we talk?”

     “You said there was nothing to talk about…” He softly whispered. His voice cracking, he was breaking, you were breaking him. 

     “But there is, Ben, we need to talk or we’re just gonna end up never talking again and wasting this time in anger when we could be jamming out and laughing like we always do.” 

     “Then where do we even start?”

     “Why not about how you didn’t want to talk to me this morning?” That’s where you wanted to start at least because it was the source of the problem. 

     “Because I just wasn’t in the mood, love, really.” Ben’s voice was slowly getting louder and more steady.

     “But why the desk girl and not me?” You didn’t understand and you decided to remove your hand from his thigh. 

     “Her name isn’t desk girl,” Ben chuckled which made you smile. “Her name was Rachel and I was just talking to her while I was waiting for you.” 

     “Well did you get her number? Did my flirting lessons teach you how to be a lady’s man?” You rested your head against your seat and stared ahead at the never ending road. 

     “No, I didn’t really want it,” Ben pulled your hand back to his lap. “But why were you so upset about me talking to her? I mean I understand from earlier when you sa-”

     “Benny, I really didn’t mean any of those things. I was just mad and wanted to get out of there and I was being a bitchhhhh.” Ben nodded and kept silent. “Ben?”

     “Yeah?”

     “Where were you this morning?”

     “I woke up early, got coffee, and went back to the park from last night. Why?”

     “Oh…” You were scared that Ben had woke up and got up because he didn’t want to be next to you and that he regret sleeping next to you or that it was wrong. “I just thought you were mad at me or that you regretted sleeping next to me last night.”

     “NO- I mean, no I don’t regret laying next to you, I kept you warm didn’t I?” Ben looked at you and wiggled his eyebrows. Which, in return, made you laugh.

     “You did. And I’m glad you did or I would have froze to death.” After you said that, you turned around and grabbed something from the back. It was Ben’s soccer sweater. The sweater all the players get from the school at the end of the season with his number on the back. His number was 18, which you called his “lucky number”. You quickly put it on and snuggled in it. You looked over at Ben, who was already looking at you up and down. You knew he loved seeing you in his sweaters. 

     “So NOW your cold?” Ben asked.

     “Yes, I am. Got a problem Jones?” You asked as you put the hoodie on and pulled on the strings to make the opening smaller.

     “No, but it does look better on you than it does me.” and that you could agree with him. You stole a lot of Ben’s clothes like his shorts and shirts and sometimes even his shoes, even though they don’t fit since they’re two sizes larger than your feet. 

     “Good because I’m keeping it.” God, just ten minutes ago, you and Ben were both tear stained messes but now you both were giggling and laughing. Maybe the drive wouldn’t be so bad after all. 

     “How about we put on some music?” Ben handed you the aux cord from the little compartment between the two seats. You plug the aux cord into the radio and your phone and picked a song. You loved this song and Ben did too. 

         You’re the best friend that I ever had

        I’ve been with you such a long time  

 You’re my sunshine and I want you to know

       That my feelings are true

         I really love you

     You and Ben sang along until the very end and you decided to just put on your spotify playlist. You saw that Ben’s face was still stained from his tears so you grabbed the sleeve of the sweater and wiped Ben’s cheek with it. At first Ben resisted but then gave in to your touch against his skin. You ruffled his hair and gave him a quick smile before using the scrunchie from your wrist and throwing your hair in a messy bun. You guys still had one hour and thirty minutes to go before arriving to the house so might as well get comfortable. You and Ben hadn’t really planned anything for the next two months in San Diego. It was more of just going with the flow. Or at least that what Ben said. 

     Ben wasn’t really organized and he didn’t plan ahead like you. You liked to plan weeks ahead and liked to stay organized with your many binders and folders. You both were total opposites but worked so well together. Even though Ben was the true gentlemen and didn’t like to get too dirty, he was the one who loved sports. You liked to get dirty, occasionally, you would play with him but most of the time you didn’t play any sports. Weird. 

     “Buddy, I know your thinking about something over there. Spill it.” Ben said as he kept looking towards the road.

     “I’m just thinking about how we don’t have anything planned for the next two months.”

     “Just go with the flow. It’ll be fine, we’ll be fine. I promise.” He grabbed your hand and rubbed your knuckles with his thumb reassuringly. 

     “Okay.” 

    It’ll be fine he said, We’ll be fine he said, he promised. But lied.

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@luvborhap

[sigurdjarlson]

faelilia gaillen

ooooh my werewolf girls :D

(*coughs* this..got long I’m so sorry)

*pulls pics out like a proud mother just in case anyone wants to see them*

Full Name: Faelilia Sherwood (Gaillen calls her “Sunshine”)

Gender and Sexuality: Female, bisexual

Pronouns: she/her

Ethnicity/Species: Human/Worgen (class: druid)

Birthplace and Birthdate: Gilneas but I don’t have a date. I’d say she’s in her mid twenties. 

Guilty Pleasures: Sweets. Honestly, she just wants a peaceful life but you know..it’s World of Warcraft. She just wants to help people, enjoy nature, and just be with Gaillen. 

I wouldn’t call it a guilty pleasure but she does love to garden. Herbalism is one of her profs. As well as alchemy. She loves reading and she’d honestly be happy to just live in a little cottage in the woods, with her wife and live a quiet little life with all of these things combined and more

This is kind of a guilty pleasure. She does enjoy the thrill of the hunt which seems kind of weird for a druid. Maybe it’s the wolf in her or maybe it’s not.  She soothes her own guilt with the knowledge that it’s simply the cycle of life. She thanks them for their sacrifice and makes sure no part goes to waste. 

Simultaneously she still loves and cares for all living things. She might snatch up a rabbit for dinner and then take care of a bird with a broken wing later that day. It’s kind of contradictory I suppose but..the circle of life goes on. She can’t stand unnecessary suffering though and will step in if the situation warrants it. 

Phobias: Losing Gaillen again. She’s long made peace with the fact she will die one day but Gaillen? She doesn’t want to live through that again. She lost her once and she doesn’t want to lose her again. She’d never voice it but she hopes she dies before Gaillen does because she can’t do that again. No amount of optimism would be able to make that pain go away because she would be gone.

This isn’t a phobia but god she knows they’re a part of the ecosystem and all but she got fleas once? And it was TORTURE. She does everything she can to prevent that from happening again lmao. Same with ticks. 

She has nightmares about some of the people she killed the first time she turned. She feels..an immense amount of guilt for that but she’s slowly making peace with it. 

What They Would Be Famous For: Being an immensely powerful druid, being involved in a lot of charity stuff, and being one of the heroes who brought down some of the world’s biggest threats.

What They Would Get Arrested For: Hmmm breaking the law in order to save someone (or something. she loves nature and shit). 

OC You Ship Them With: Gaillen! Her undead DK worgen wife.

OC Most Likely To Murder Them: My horde characters. Most of my ally characters are closely knit in a found-family kind of thing.

Favorite Movie/Book Genre: Fantasy and Sci-fi stuff. 

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: Dark and Gritty

Talents and/or Powers: she became a druid after being infected with the worgen curse so she has her worgen form and then all of the other druid forms and powers as well. She ironically really enjoys her cat form. 

Why Someone Might Love Them: she’s the biggest sweetheart you’d ever meet. She’d lay down her life for a stranger in a heartbeat. She loves so fiercely and she loves..a lot. She’s got a huge heart and it shows in everything she does. She was pretty much born to be a druid and finding her calling was like coming home. 

She’s gentle, patient and kind. She’s a goofball too. Her endless capacity of love for others, animals, nature is just so admirable. She’s brave when she  needs to be and fierce when it comes to protecting those she loves. 

She’s super playful and just..a generally wonderful person to be around. You know those people that seem to radiate warmth and affection? That’s her.

Why Someone Might Hate Them: Some might consider her annoyingly optimistic and naive. She’s probably too quick to forgive and gives way too many second (third..fourth) chances. People who hate “treehugger” types would despise her. She’s all about that life.

She sometimes let’s people walk all over her since she’s not good at speaking up for herself. She’s getting better about that. Gaillen helps. Er..when she’s not trying to attack the person who upset her sweet cinnamon bun. 

How They Change: Hmm. When she was younger she was very shy to the point of being kind of skittish/meek. The worgen curse, the fall of gilneas, finding druidism has helped her build confidence in herself. Losing Gaillen (and then finding her again) was a big part of that too. Gaillen in general is a big part of it.

She still struggles with letting people walk all over her but she’s making progress. Gaillen and helping others is what has given her the strength she’s built up. She’s more likely to let someone get away with hurting her but someone else? an innocent person? never. She will stand up and fight. 

In her younger days she would be more apt to keep her head down and stay out of it despite feeling immensely guilty for just..standing by. 

Hmmm Legion was rough on her and this new expansion is going to be extremely painful for her. Being a druid she feels Azeroth’s pain very deeply and the Teldrassil burning down was like being kicked while you’re down. That’s..the only home she had left since Gilneas was destroyed. 

And she’s angry deep down because of what the Forsaken have taken from her but she’s repressing that anger because she doesn’t want to hate anyone. She wants peace. she’s struggling with that and needs to learn she needs to allow herself to grieve for her people, her home, for what they’ve lost and anger is a part of that. She can do that and not hurt anyone in the process.

Why You Love Them: Ughhh she’s such a sweetie. I just love how much she..loves. She has so much love for every living thing. (and undead things..like her wife asldhlfd) She’d give Sargeras himself a second chance if he sincerely asked for redemption. (like that impossible level of faith is painfully admirable but also kind of sad since people are awful)

I also love how she took the worgen curse and said..no, this isn’t a curse. It’s a blessing. She absolutely embraced it and that led her to druidism with is where she really “found herself” so to speak. Turning something awful into something beautiful is just..well, beautiful.

I had a tiny ficlet that I never posted with my nelf huntress Diily mourning Teldrassil and Fae was the one who stepped forward to comfort her and despite being in the aftermath of all that death and destruction she had the heart to sit down, brush some of the ash from the ground and show her this tiny little sapling. Barely there but very much alive. 

To let her know nature will persevere. It will heal and so will you. 

They’ll heal together.

Also her building her confidence is super admirable. She went from so shy to finding her confidence because she found things to be brave for.

And her love for Gaillen is just..unconditional. Some people would have blamed her for turning her. She didn’t. Not even for a second. Some people would have rejected Gaillen after they reunited and Fae found out she was a DK. I think druids would be especially prone to bias in that regard given how much they cherish and protect life. (and the scourge is the literal opposite of that) but never Fae.

In fact she finds beauty in it? There can’t be life without death and there cannot be death without life. Death is just as much a part of the natural world as life is. Unnatural means or not..those two things go together. Life can spring from death and death is the fate of all living things but..life will still go on. (think of decomposers in the ecosystem) It all works together. 

(although i suppose there are immortal beings in WoW but…well we all know that doesn’t last. I’m looking at you, elves.)

She finds beauty in even this. Because that’s what she does.  She was just hurt Gaillen didn’t come to her sooner. That she let her think she was dead after coming back.

Her fiancee is alive and that’s all that mattered to Fae and she knows without a shadow of a doubt that Gaillen is no monster.

——–

Full Name: Gaillen Hayes

Gender and Sexuality: Female, Lesbian

Pronouns: she/her

Ethnicity/Species: Worgen/Human/Undead-DK (?)

Birthplace and Birthdate: Gilneas and once again dont have a birthdate because that’s..difficult. She’s somewhere in her late twenties (I have to check if that matches literally any of the timeline but..I don’t feel like digging through the mess that is Blizzard’s WoW timeline right now)

Guilty Pleasures: Drinking. I’m not sure if this counts as a guilty pleasure but she can get very carried away in battle. She enjoys it and honestly that scares the shit out of her. 

She doesn’t feel guilty for enjoying hunting animals but..enjoying hunting people? It makes her uneasy. Even if they are bad people it makes her feel like she’s a danger to everyone.

Phobias: That somehow she’ll snap and hurt someone or Fae again. Whether it’s the worgen curse or the Lich King’s influence. It’s irrational. She has full control but she’s terrified of it happening again. 

She hates, hates any kind of magic that can control you. (for obvious reasons) Fear spells, etc. They fuck her up whenever they happen to her and it takes her a while to come out of that. It can take this big strong werewolf and reduce her to a shaking, crying mess. 

Losing Fae is naturally her worst fear. She’s extremely protective of her girl. And Fae getting hurt is guaranteed to just completely..shatter her. 

Anything scourge related sets her off. There are still remnants out there and when she comes across them it puts her in a bad mental place. (she’s got some serious PTSD if you haven’t guessed). First it sends her into a rage and then she breaks because no, no, no not again. what if she would have hurt someone who didn’t deserve it while absolutely destroying the enemy.

She never does though because she doesn’t want to. 

That’s not who she is.

What They Would Be Famous For: Ah. She’s famous for being one of the Lich King’s top dogs (im sorry I had too). She may have been mind controlled but other people especially victims of the scourge..have a hard time understanding that. 

However she did go on to be a huge part of bringing Arthas down. She’s proven herself a hero I think. A grumpy hero but a hero nonetheless. After she went on to fight many other threats as well. Like my whole ally crew ayy.

What They Would Get Arrested For: She’s got a nasty temper so fighting someone. ESPECIALLY if it’s her defending Fae. 

OC You Ship Them With: Her wife, Fae. :’)

OC Most Likely To Murder Them: Horde Characters

Favorite Movie/Book Genre: Dark shit but she also likes romance novels with happy endings but shh don’t tell anyone.

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: She says she hates unrealistic happy endings but it’s not hate. She likes them..she’s just scared because she thinks she doesn’t deserve one so she feels as if it could be snatched away from her at any second.

Talents and/or Powers: She’s a Death-Knight so she’s got all that. She’s an incredibly talented warrior. She’s very proficient with swords but she is more than happy to rip into someone purely as a worgen. No weapons. just teeth and claws. She’s good at it too.

Why Someone Might Love Them: She’s a sarcastic lil fucker. It’s amusing.(not many people like her except those who know her well like Fae or her friends)

She’s got a heart in there. She’s brave. She’s loyal to a fault. 

Her love for Fae is just absolutely heartwarming. Her soft spot for her wife is enormous. Like she lights up like a Christmas tree whenever she’s around. It’s always been that way and it always will be. That’s her Sunshine.

Why Someone Might Hate Them: She’s an asshole. She’s snippy and aloof. It makes her on the surface a generally unlikable person. 

There are people that hate her for what she’s done while under the Lich King’s mind control. It’s not her fault but  there will always be victims who blame her and hate her for it. No amount of heroism will change that for some. She doesn’t blame them. She doesn’t take shit normally but when it comes to that she will let people rip into her because she hates herself for it that much.

How They Change: She’s always been a bit grumpy but not nearly as harsh and cold as she can be now. Not as cynical either. The worgen curse, being the one who bit Fae, losing her home and so many of her people, dying for her people and then being brought back by a maniac who made her kill countless people via mind control, and then all the shitty events that follow? 

She’s bitter and I think she has a right to be. Not to be an asshole but to be angry at the cards life has dealt her. It’s been quite cruel to her.

She never had the sheer amount of self loathing and guilt she struggles with now either. She’s got a lot of blood on her hands and it really doesn’t matter how many people tell her that it wasn’t her fault? She still believes it is and she still remembers everything she’s done. Entire villages. Children.

She still hasn’t forgiven herself for infecting Fae either despite Fae never, not even once, blaming her for it. Also Fae has a very different outlook on the curse. She sees it as a blessing. Gaillen sees it as a curse.

(wow gaillen why does Nikki let you have TWO curses)

Anyway, now that she’s found Fae she’s learning how to at least live again. 

All these shitty things though? They just made her braver and stronger. She’s trying to make the world a better place even when she has a hard time believing it’ll ever work. I think..that’s says a lot about her. She’s not willing to accept cruelty and injustice. She might be a dick to you but she’d save you in the same breath. And then be a dick to you again. ;)

Why You Love Them: She’s strong and I don’t mean just physically. She’s been through a lot and she’s still trudging on because she isn’t going to give up. She won’t give those who’ve wronged her the satisfaction. I’d say she’s living out of spite but that’s not the only reason why. (although that’s certainly a factor. fuck you, arthas)

She’s brave and she’s more than willing to fight for what’s right. She has her flaws (don’t we all) but she’s not even close to the monster she thinks she is. 

And underneath everything she really does have a heart. It shows if you know her and know what to look for. If she didn’t have a heart she wouldn’t be trying so desperately to make up for what she’s done (while simultaneously knowing she never can). Nor would she feel the overwhelming guilt she feels.

Her love for Fae is super heartwarming honestly like ahhhhhh. She adores her with everything she has. If you want to see her soft side all you have to do is watch her with Fae. She’s gentle and loving. She loves that woman more than anything.She’s playful with her. Extremely protective. It’s a whole different side to her than the one she lets everyone see. She’s always there to support her and she’d honestly do anything for her. All she’d have to do is ask.

After she was released from the Lich King’s control she wanted to go back to Fae. More than anything but she couldn’t. She was too ashamed of everything she’s done. She believed she was dangerous. She still believes she’s a monster and thinks Fae deserves better. But she let Fae think she was dead for a while after being freed from the Lich King’s control. Because she couldn’t face her. 

She broke when they reunited in Wrath of the Lich King. Because it’s her girl, her fiancee, her sunshine and she’s missed her so goddamn much. And she’s so sorry.

They had quite a bit to work through after that because mhm Fae doesn’t get angry easily but she wasn’t happy Gaillen legit didn’t tell her after being capable of it. She might not have ever told her if they didn’t accidentally run into each other and that hurt Fae so much. It took her a while to understand why she did that.

But they did get through it. They got married post wrath of the lich king. And damn it life kinda sucks in general because its Azeroth and there’s always someone trying to destroy it and they’re constantly having to go fight to save it but..together? they’re happy.

They’re so in love. It’s !!! too sweet

[littleapocalypsekitten]

#these stories are incredible lmao#thank you for sharing#every time shadsie finds another eevee: 'HAH!! Get boned!!!'#matt: >:((#also wtf? i want your game. shiny eevees!!!!#and oh to go through the effort of making an entire pie with no sugar#those things will be standard soon dont you worry

I have yet to find a shiny eevee in the game. I'm actually going to be attuned to all things eevee now, just in case they might be a sign. I have a couple of personal stories about that kind of thing, too. A couple of my elderly aunts back in Arizona died in the past year. My cousin snapped a picture of a double-rainbow right after her mother passed, taking it as a sign from close sisters. A couple of years ago, I apparently became an unwitting conduit for a stranger's dead son while working at a Starbucks because I was doodling hearts on the cups - lady came back to the counter with her cup that I'd boredom-doodled on before someone made her a coffee in tears wanting to know who'd drawn the hearts because her little son who'd passed from cancer "sends her hearts." I do not know if such things are true. I am still partially-religious and have a spiritually-speculative side (but come from a tradition where you definitely DO NOT contact the dead. I wouldn't even try, not even for fear of calling up a demon instead, but out of a desire to "not bother people." I can imagine a dead person being "Dammit! I just got to sleep! Whatareyou wakin' me up with a sea'nce for?"" The skeptical side of me is "Oh, that's just human brain-pattern-recognition bullcrap." But, here I am hoping to run into a ghost-type terra eevee as a portend, or a huge mess of eevees (perhaps ones that DO NOT STAY IN THE BALL and do not let me capture them! Just to taunt me about having the lucky-day) or...something. If I run headlong into a shiny anytime soon, (but it has to be a regular / normal-type eevee, not an eevee-lution) I may just take it as a sign.

The End of a Journey

So, I finished Pokemon Scarlet tonight / early this morning. Well, the main story, the ultimate boss-battle in the Zero Lab. I still have plenty of after-game, the dark legendaries to catch and all of the catching and evolving and tera-cave battles I want to make it as endless as I want. Not that I have too many people to play and trade with... I was gifted the game by my fiance's nephew / our nephew - adult, 39. (I am in my 40s and my fiance is older, but we are geeks). Or were, in one case. This nephew was the third member of our little three-member family. He didn't live with us, although we were hoping to scrape together the money to change that, but he came for extended visits to our apartment for holidays for weeks or months at a time (and was with us for most of the Covid crisis). He'd had some health problems, but was getting better in recent months due to some new medication and a fresh resolve to start taking care of himself. Despite trying, however, he died last week. To the day, or at least, he was discovered this day last week when none in the family could get ahold of him and emergency services were called into the apartment he'd lived alone in. We still do not know the exact cause, although we think heart-issues are likely. I've been taking it rough, but thus far surviving. I picked up my neglected game just to finish it out. Cue me having beaten it at 5 am and watching the credits with a song about friends and journeys and I'm crying bittersweet tears because it feels like I have completed a journey with him. He was waiting for me to catch up, having finished the main story some time ago. I've caught up. I hope that, like the AI of Sada / the last semblance of her consciousness who was seen off to have an adventure in the ancent past that she dreamed about, that my dear Matt is having a continuing adventure of his own...somewhere and will be waiting for me when I catch up eventually. I feel like that will be a long, long time as I feel like I have much to do. I hope he'll be ready for some crotchey old lady who'll tell him about all the new forms of Eevee that Nintendo will eventually get around to in future games. Matt loved his Eevees.

[surviveatitlan]

Episode 3 - I’m Literally Googling How to Protect Myself From Hexes - Francie

Francie

I'm literally googling how to protect myself from hexes

Yep!! Two tribes of 9!! I know a ton of ppl on this tribe so that should help but like, I still gotta be careful lmao. I'm gonna try not to work too closely with Emily because I don't want to hear any bs about "premades" like the last game we played together

i am literally hosting/was hosting (in tim's case) half this tribe + emily is my cohost rn wtfffff omg

Tim

So everything was going goood in my old tribe and all of a sudden we SWAP? I was not readyyyy. Like we were gonna rule the game as a tribe of 5. Tolimàn was robbed by one point yall.

Francie

the original acatenango peeps (the aca tacos) are trying to get tim and autumn to work with us rn so lets hope we can get this group together and have it be solid. autumn has no og tribemates left so that might help us. people to be wary of: heather and emily, both individually and as a duo bc I know that they adore each other so I can totally see them being a duo I gotta downplay my attachment to the aca tacos, esp my ride or die olivia

Allan

I'm really glad this swap happened. I really didn't feel accepted by my first tribe and I know if we went to Tribal, I'd most likely be out. Now I have the chance to make new allies. My strategy is to tell them that I didn't bond with my old tribe at all and hope that they see me as an opportunity for an alliance.

Tim

Me after seeing this challenge: https://confsnavarino.tumblr.com/post/171111635506 ITS ACTUALLY FUNNY GO CHECK IT OUT LOL

Francie

yep. tim/autumn/sammy/olivia/me alliance is a thing now. fingers crossed

Tim

Fill me up will alllll your propaganda. This is my second chance and I'm ready to get to the end.

Jay Bee

Honestly I think this swap has put me in a good position. I know enough people well enough to have options, but not well enough that I think I'll be targeted because of it. I have no idea who the fuck I'm going to align with though. The idea of Rebecka/Madison is scary, and Timmy says Rebecka/Dan is also a thing. I trust Timmy for some reason (I'm a meninist #exposed). OKAY so here's a swap assessment night 1: Timmy - Like I said, idk why but I Trust Ha. Hopefully he's not secretly a rat Bryan - A grade a Good Boy. Would definitely like to align with him. We just called for like half an hour so I'm hoping to nail down a relationship there. Brian - Um? I guess he's pretty new, which I think is good. I think he's really the only person on this tribe with no preconceived notions of me or other people Rebecka - Love her to death but SCARED of her relationship with Madison Madison - Same Dan - Seems okay, but I know he's friends with Rebecka so we love a core trio AnnMarie - please work with me Nick - Nobody seems to like him. I think he'll go if we lose, which is at least convenient if not good. Debating if I want to work with him just so that I'm not on the bottom. Rebecka proposed a me/Rebecka/Madison/Timmy/Bryan alliance but honeslee? I think in that formation I'm on the bottom, unless I can get Timmy and Bryan to want to work together with me. Anyway as usual I'm screaming.

Autumn

Me coming home to a bunch of strangers in my tribe https://media.giphy.com/media/nLhdSinRtaL2E/giphy.gif Y'all snatched my whole family and I should be pissed but like I'm really here for this new group so I won't turn up (maybe). Tim is my son, I love Francie, Olivia, and and Sammy already, Heather and Allan seem cool, and then Emily and I are on good terms again lmao. No comment on Jacob. So I come into tribe with all these new people, I'm juggling 7 conversations, and then Francie was like hitting me up for an alliance. I say yeah I really trust you and less than a minute later I'm in an alliance w/ Francie, Tim, Olivia, AND Sammy aka everyone I love? Nut the admins did me a favor https://media1.giphy.com/media/OTbo92zetdsha/giphy.gif

Timmy

This tribe swap is the best thing to ever happen. I actually know where I stand with Rebecka which is great. I know she will always have Dan's interests over mine so that is something I need to think about long-term, but for now it is okay because we are working together. Right now my number 1 is still Jay, I just have a really good feeling about Jay. Bryan worries me because he is an amazing player and I did vote him out in Alaska so who knows if he is bitter about that but we're talking right now so that is good. The second I saw Madison on the cast reveal I knew that I wanted to work with her because we did not get to in Himalayas and I knew ever since then that I wanted to work with her. She is messy and consistently messy but that could be good for me. Might as well have her on my side because if she isn't then I could go fast. But this tribe is amazing, best tribe swap ever!

Jay Bee

I honestly have no idea where the balance between cracked and inactive is!!!! Do you just.,.,.,..,not talk to people? I don't understand. I'm screaming. Help.

Francie

we're towards the end of this challenge i swear to god if jacob doesnt come online in time and fucking costs us this challenge.......

Jay Bee

We're doing the challenge right now and I'm SO DAMN STRESSED. I have a very hard time trying to let other people handle things and trusting others in general, so this is a special kind of hell. I can't believe this season supports underage binge drinking AND I can't believe I wish I were actually drunk. Send help.

Autumn

Candle king walking into Atitlan tonight? Sounds A-lit-lan https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2015-01/7/16/enhanced/webdr08/anigif_enhanced-20692-1420664628-12.gif https://em.wattpad.com/f6983ef619f199370692a5d6aa61048004415cc4/68747470733a2f2f73332e616d617a6f6e6177732e636f6d2f776174747061642d6d656469612d736572766963652f53746f7279496d6167652f5a6e503033794868705a68795a673d3d2d3437393237303538382e313465626162373863366266356435353733373138343330393837362e676966?s=fit&w=1280&h=1280

Tim

So I FORGOT TO CONFESS HAHAHAH But this tribe swap puts me in a seemingly good spot my tribe seems strong and capable! An alliance was formed by Olivia that consists of her, me, Francie, Sammy and Autumn.  I doubt that it will last simply due to the fact that it was based on absolutely nothing game wise. Im looking forward to working with Autumn closely as well as Emily so theres that! The 99 bottles challenge was intersecting as Jay would say. IT FUCKNG STRESSED ME THE FUCK OUT. It felt like I was micromanaging a little Ceasers or something. Making the lists AND posting at the same time?? Allan messed up but it was no big deal at all. JAKE DISAPPEARED ON US which sucks heavilyyyyyyy. Hes prob going if we lose again. Hopefully. ANYWAYS THAT reward challenge is giving me multiple strokes and gastreoarthritis or some shit like that lmao. I lieterally fel like Cirie in that one episode where she kept falling of of that balance beam. Im such a comp flop I mean the only comp I can win is Mastermind and thats if im lucky.

Nick

ABOUT TRIBE SWAP so we get into our new times and ONCE AGAIN all the people im close with exception for madison and timmy IS ON THE OTHER TRIBE AHH. Dan and Rebeckka hate me for the drama we had a month ago or so. Timmy is good friends with Dan and Beckka from what I know so like im probably screwed if we dont win the challenge. SO yeahhh this will be interesting I want my old tribe back LOLOL

Tim

So I forgot to mention that Em and I were sharing letters and so that at least lets me know that she is interested in working with meee. Also im gonna lie and say I didnt get a letter because I didnt attempt fhjksk s (Reward challenge that is)

Nick

CHALLENGE so we lost the semi live challenge .. kind of embarassing like too We had this whole plan set up and it got ruined Now i am going to tribal and welll if im voted out then i wont be surprised. Hopefully I have been proving myself helpful in challenges so hopefully im kept around longer #prayfornick

Jay Bee

This tribal is gonna be batshit!! Literally twenty minutes ago everyone was like "let's just go nick" but now I'm really Thinking About It and. That would be stupid. If you look at Madison/Dan/Rebecka as a trio (with Rebecka/Madison as a core duo OR Rebecka/Dan as a core duo) and with Bryan as kind of a gentle soul sucking their teet (love u bryan), then that's a solid group of 4. If Timmy and I (I guess I'm a meninst now bc we're f2 or some shit) go with that group, leaving out Brian and AnnMarie, to vote out Nick, that puts the two of us on the bottom of a 6-person alliance. The next tribal could be 4 vs. 4. If we save Nick, however, and vote off Rebecka - therefore voiding both the madison/rebecka duo and the dan/rebecka duo, thus destroying the trio - the next tribal could be 5 vs. 3 and we won't have one of the biggest social threats still in the game with two of her closest allies up with her. I think that would put me in a much better position long-term because I really need a core group of people who aren't ingrained with Emily/Francie/Heather/Olivia come a merge situation where it's my kids vs. me. Timmy, Brian, AnnMarie, and (unfortunately) Nick could be an integral part of that. Especially Brian, since he's new. I can use new. I need to keep around players who don't know me that well.

Timmy

Jay is cracked and I love her for it. We are playing so messy and are in alliances with literally the entire tribe. Love being a swing vote. Splitting up Rebecka and Dan is going to be a great move, it will suck personally and Dan will give me a lot of shit for it (and Rebecka might too) but it is just a game so have to have fun and being a mess is fun to me. Might as well be toward the top of a group than knowing I'm at the bottom of the group of 4 (Dan/Rebecka/Madison/me). I'm really just hoping this doesn't hurt me having a relationship with Madison at some point because I still want to work with her. The only worry in the plan is Brian because who knows what goes on in his head but I know he isn't controlled by Rebecka who is just telling everyone her plan and adding people to alliances without asking. Like I never said I was okay with her/dan/madison (I was happy to have a group, but a better one came along). All in all though, Jay is my number one so whatever benefits us both is what I am here for.

Brian

Its still eh. Some people are fake and there is so much pre-season relationships that i'm so oof. BUT i dont wanna be in the minority and if joining a make shift alliance helps, i'm down for it. 

Bryan

Woo ok so we lost. That sucks. But I’m in an alliance with rebecka, dan, jay, Madison, and Timmy. And our goal is to vote out nick. I’m fine with that operative. He already talked about wanting to go against me rebecka and dan so like oops. I also love Annemarie. I need at least one person outside that alliance and that is her. 

Allan

THANK GOD WE WON THAT CAUSE I FUCKED UP. But like seriously, I was so scared that we were gonna lose and I was gonna be at fault for it. Tbh I'm a little annoyed cause it really feels like Tim and I did all the work and when we asked other people to take over, no one offered. It really makes a bit dubious about trusting my tribe.

Olivia

Woohoo! We won immunity! I am just so happy about that. I have a nice sweet little alliance going with the three aca tacos and another one with us three and tim and autumn. Autumn is all alone and idk Tim's relationship with Allan. Tim Allan. Ahahahahhhaha. Anyways. Jacob's ass was GONE if we hadn't won. He is still my target should we lose the next one. I also did Pancreas and got a 29 minute score which I am assuming is terrible but who knows. I love Emily and Heather but I know for a fact, without confirmation, those two are working together. Emily has fawned over Heather since isle of skye and I just know they're a pair. I love both SO MUCH  but i can't fully trust either. I thought for sure that being on a tribe with heather and tim, two close friends of mine, we'd immediately bond and become our new ride or dies. lol. but i think i can still work with both maybe but i like the 5 i already have so i guess we will see. how is it i have two idols, an extra vote, and i won immunity in another org but this one i got THIRTY MINUTES at Pancreas. oh well.

Heather

I have not confessed about my new tribe yet. I am now on the Atitlan tribe which is fun, and I have Emily who is a queen. Plus now I have some of my Isle of Skye people. I've missed playing with Olivia so  much, ughh love of my life. And Tim is such an iconic king. Also Jacob from my other tribe, who has been inactive recently. Gotta do other impressions too Francie: I love them with all my hort. What a perfect bean. Allan: Seems super chill but immediately went into game talk Autumn: A sweetheart ughh my love. Saved our ass in the challenge like 5 times. Sammy: He likes musical theatre so I love him. nuff said AND WE WON OUR FIRST CHALLENGE TOGETHER WHICH IS FUN SO YEET

Dan

So this is a damn mess, I really want to trust that Nick doesn't have a secret majority alliance against me and Beckka because I don't know why literally everyone would just lie, ya know? But I wouldn't be surprised if it happens honestly. I think Beckka would go over me???? But like that's the ugliest thing ever. I don't know why Jay would make an alliance with most of the people in the game if it wasn't a solid thing, but like I'm still paranoid af. IT'S SO EARLY TO FLIP. 

AnnMarie

I am so glad we didn't have to complete the full challenge because that was something I did not want to do at all (sorry Cameron). The only.nad part is that we have to go to tribal. Nick's name has been flying from all directions, and it's the obvious easy vote, but Nick is saying that Dan and rebecka are a powerful team. Jay has said that as well, so I don't really know what may go down at tribal. What I do know is that Nick will probably be the person voted out, as long as nothing super dramatic happens in the tribe. I'm super close to Jay and she's just amazing, Dan's super nice, and I LOVE BRYAN OK HE IS SO NICE AND I HOPE HE DOESNT END UP BEING A JERK in the long run. I'm so happy that I get to play with these people, and I can't wait to start a good alliance in this game with them.

Jay Bee

Loyalty? Who's she?

I told Nick EXPLICITLY last night not to tell Madison about our plan or alliance because she would tell Dan and Rebecka. Today, I wake up to the intel (from Dan) that Nick told Madison about everything. And guess the fuck what!! She told Rebecka and Madison. I'M NOT DUMB, NICK! Thankfully they all thought Nick was trying to make a power play and they don't believe I'm with Nick. NICK DO YOU NOT REALIZE HOW CLOSE I AM TO SLITTING YOUR THROAT!!! If you're gonna be loose-lipped I'm going to have to vote you out! Ugh. This is such a prickly position. I would much rather work with Brian/AnnMarie/Timmy just because they don't know me as well as Rebecka and Madison (and to an extent Bryan through Emily) do. I'm trying to figure out who the most disenfranchised people on the tribe are and use them because if I can be their only source of trust, they're always going to be loyal to me. The problem is that I don't want the next tribal to be 4 vs. 4. That gets messy really fast. If I do vote for Nick in the big group of Madison/Rebecka/Bryan/Dan/Timmy, that puts me in an alliance with all the power players and leaves out AnnMarie and Brian, who would be much smarter to have on my side in a merge situation, unless I want to go meat shield tactic in this game. I don't know Ugh. Timmy, please come online so I can talk through all of this.

Rebecka and Dan

https://youtu.be/AUDFxIjAuZM

Amanda (Guest)

Hello! So I know I'm not playing this game, and Cameron probably won't post this, but I was SUPPOSED to play this game so I'm leaving a confessional anyway. Just here to say that Rebecka and Emily are the true icons of the season for having me in their host chats and that's all. Also Cam. I love Cam.

Sammy

I’m so glad that our team won woooooo

Emily

Omg I'm such a FLOP! I didn't realize I hadn't confessed so hey I'm in public speaking pretending to do my work! Anyways, super happy about our tribe winning the challenge. I really was thinking we were going to lose because of FUCKING JACOB! He like. Was not here. At all. Total flop. Major flop. I haven't even heard from him in like two days. WHY PLAY A SKYPE BASED GAME IF YOU DONT CHECK SKYPE REGULARLY??? Anyways, I recorded a cast assessment but it's a mess because I'm really sad in it and you can tell im a mess so im gonna type it bc you can't tell im upset when im typing!!!!!!!!!!! ALLAN: Really helpful in the challenge so I'm a stan! Hard to talk to I think but I'm really vibin him. I think he's gonna be a good asset to our tribe! Yay! I don't really have much to say about him right now AUTUMN: I'm going to PRAY that she's not bitter from All Stars. That was like a month ago and honestly get the fuck over it. You made a stupid move and it backfired on you! That's it. Don't make a stupid move against me this game and I'll work with you! I really like Autumn and I like how she plays but reading her Navarino confessions I can tell she's just someone that holds onto grudges for far too long and it's annoying. All Stars is not a good representation of my game. WORK WITH ME PLEASE FRANCIE: love of my life.... I said in the beginning I didn't want to work with them but I realized that if I want to work with Tim.... Francie is probably also gonna have to be my ally. Francie and I were also talking about how, if we lose, Jacob would be an easy vote because he's inactive! I know that a lot of people would be fine with that. Also, he hasn't competed in Pancho so I don't think he has any letters? Like he didn't even get the one from the rules? So no idol for Jacob. Easy vote. Bye bye. HEATHER: I'll sell my soul for Heather. My queen. I love her. Honestly I can't wait for her to snake me. Fucking queen. I just love her. If anyone targets her I'M COMING FOR THEIR ASS. STAY OFF HEATHER BYE BYE! JACOB: Inactive. Bye OLIVIA: I REALLY want to work with Olivia. I plan on making her my number one in this game. I just get such a good vibe from her. She seems intelligent, stealthy, and fun... that's what I want in an ally. She also has some good connections with other people and she's got a good social game. Definitely someone I want to work with and go far with. But, not too far because she'll win the game, but... I'm also trying to be loyal this game. Loyal to a fault makes people upset. So. I'm gonna have to decide. SAMMY: I played with him and Indonesia and led the charge to vote him out right before merge so like he could hate me? But he also voted for me to win the game. SO. I don't think he's bitter, but he knows I think he plays messy. He's super sweet though and I'm a stan. I gotta be careful what I leak to him, but I like him and can see myself working with him in the future. TIM: MY KING! I love Tim and want to work with Tim high key. He's such a sweetheart and I'm really hoping we can go far. I'd be so down for a little group of he, Olivia, and I. Is that proper grammar? I don't care. Anyways, I love how he plays and he's very well thought out and stuff so I'm really hoping we can go far together. I'm a Tim stan. A major Tim stan. It's still too early for me to for sure tell you who I'm working with (I usually go from round to round, but I don't want to do that this game. No flip-flopping this time unless it genuinely will be better for me AND others.) I'm really trying to refine how I play. I'm trying to be more honest. More social. More logical and strategic, but at the same time, not as PURELY strategic? I need to make sure my social game is phenomenal before I start going off and being a strategic mastermind. People won't listen to people they don't like, and they won't vote for them either. Whew. Okay I hope this super long confession makes up for my lack of confessing. Goodbye!

Jacob

I was asked to make a confession so here it is. I'm glad we won or I'd be screwed for falling asleep after inventory bleh.

Timmy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OolhMHA3F0o&feature=youtu.be

Emily

Finding out all these people's zodiac signs is very inch resting... I y'all I really do. Capricorns? Gotta go next. I don't stan. Bye bye.

Madison

WHOO okay last minute confessionals lemme hear you say WAYYYY HO!!!! Nick is the vote which like awk bc now we’re in another game together so sucks I guess. Also he came to me trying to vote puts rebecka though so like wtf bye bye. 

Rebecka

Me if I get voted out tonigt: Thank you dan and jay for being loyal. Thank you also the the people who voted me out now so I don't have to go through a bunch of other rounds of drama and lose xoxo 

[tessavirtueandmoir]

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

Daniel aka one of the Finnish guys cause I didn’t want to get lost in the club (I also hate club so it was like a double whammy)

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

Is outgoingly shy a thing? I used to be super shy and still am around guys, but im definitely more outgoing in everyday life than I used to be

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

MY BESTFRIEND WHO FREAKING FLEW TO ENGLAND THE DAY I CAME HOME AND I HAVEN’T BEEN ABLE TO SEE HER YET.

4. Are you easy to get along with?

Depends on who you ask, I guess.

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

More likely than not.

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

Blond hair, blue eyes… the eye colour doesnt really matter tbh but that seems to be the trend. Not douchey.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

Uhh.. that’s wishful thinking.

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

Those dang Finnish boys #lifecrisis

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Yes.

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Probs one of those Finnish boys

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

I sent an article to my mom about how Canada was gonna be colder than Antarctica and mars. lmao I love this freaking country.

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Freedom 90 - Pitch Perfect Cast

Saturday Night - Whigfield

New Year’s Day - TSwift

New Rules - Dua Lipa

Hopeless Romantic - Scott Middough

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

Yeah dude point me to a girl who doesn’t

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

Lmao no not really

15. What good thing happened this summer?

I turned 20 and apparently had a life resolution. Ditch those crappy people y’all, they aint worth your time

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Debatable…

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

Don’t even remember who my first crush was so that’s probably a no.

19. Do you like bubble baths?

Yo. My kryptonite. My res only had showers for the 4 months I was there and I legit cried when I say my bathtub so.

20. Do you like your neighbors?

As long as I can’t hear them, I don’t really care

21. What are you bad habits?

Getting super snippy when I’m hungry. Um… constantly being on my phone? Idk what else. Being blunt?

22. Where would you like to travel?

I just want to go back to England at this point

23. Do you have trust issues?

hahahah AHAHAHAHAHHA bye

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

the fact I didnt wake up until like mid afternoon in the uk… now literally nothing

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

My stomach? Or maybe my arms

26. What do you do when you wake up?

Check my phone notifs

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

Maybe a tad darker because im literally pale af but otherwise no

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

my best friends aka girls

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

No? One of my ex’s once told one of my friends to check on me though cause he was worried.. it was strange.

30. Do you ever want to get married?

Also, debatable. I’m loving my alone life right now.

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

If it wasn’t I would literally cry so. Every time I get it cut we make sure it goes into a pony because of dance and stuff.

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Anna Kendrick and is Tessa Virtue a celebrity? I think she is. Wow… that is quite the threesome honestly. Gotta have different life experiences I suppose.

33. Spell your name with your chin.

grasysdoihj

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

Dance and soccer. dance is a sport dont argue with me

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

TV I guess. But either option would be pretty lame.

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

In my 20 years, yeah probably

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

Nothing, I usually check my phone or something

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

Not an inconsiderate douchebag. And someone that lives in the same country as me.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

NEWLOOK, River Island, ASOS, RW and Co, Dynamite (sometimes the Bay)

40. What do you want to do after high school?

Be a lawyer.

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

Nah man.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

I’m fucking mad and u best walk away before I slit you in half. Or I’m tired. Or im not comfortable with the situation

43. Do you smile at strangers?

I barely even look up so no

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

Bottom of the ocean

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

That maybe it’ll be cold enough for me to take a bath at some point… I have a lame Canadian life. And I also don’t wanna be a university drop out so there’s also that.

46. What are you paranoid about?

People following me… like not on social media. Just like in general

47. Have you ever been high?

Nope

48. Have you ever been drunk?

Potentially? Idk man, probably not

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

Oh yeah. But I told my friends about it so does that really count?

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Navy

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

Everyone wishes they were T Virtue so.

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

I wish I could make myself want to go to the gym an exercise. But yet, here I am

53. Favourite makeup brand?

Anastasia Beverley Hills/Tarte/Fenty Beauty

54. Favourite store?

Did I not already answer this?

55. Favourite blog?

Mine. Shameless self promo

https://graysonwadsworth2.wixsite.com/hayitsgray

56. Favourite colour?

Grey/Teal/Burgundy

57. Favourite food?

G A R L I C B R E A D

58. Last thing you ate?

I’m about to eat a huge ass bowl of oatmeal

59. First thing you ate this morning?

This huge ass bowl of oatmeal. It’s 9:25 PM in case y’all were wondering.

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

Many. For dance.

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

No, I’m an angel. Just kidding.

62. Been arrested? For what?

Nope.

63. Ever been in love?

Yep.

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

Happened on a cruise ship in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea and I stupidly decided to play a game where we were trying to get our faces as close as possible without kissing… I was dumb okay lmao.

65. Are you hungry right now?

Mildly.

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

I talk to my Tumblr friends more than my real friends

67. Facebook or Twitter?

Twitter

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Why is instagram not a choice. Tumblr I guess.

69. Are you watching tv right now?

I’m watching the movie what not to expect when you’re expecting

70. Names of your bestfriends?

Harneet, Keira, Emmy, Katerina, Andy, Meghan x 2, Madi, Sydney, Emily, Lauren, Cassidy… wow… that’s so many

71. Craving something? What?

Not to be sick.

72. What colour are your towels?

My personal towels are teal. But we have brown, black. and grey ones in the bathroom too.

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

there’s 6 on my bed right now

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

does one laying at the foot of the bed count cause otherwise no

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

I legitimately cleaned out my entire closet this week and found my ENTIRE collection of webkinz so if we’re gonna count those probs like 300 lmao

75. Favourite animal?

Elephant

76. What colour is your underwear?

Pink

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

Vanilla

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

Cookie Dough OR French crisp from Laura Secord

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

Grey

80. What colour pants?

Grey, white and pink

81. Favourite tv show?

GREYS ANATOMY

82. Favourite movie?

Moulin Rouge or Angels and Demons

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

Mean girls who are you

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

Jump Street

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

Janice

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

Dory or Crush

87. First person you talked to today?

I honestly have no idea, probably meg though… or I definitely snapchatted people

88. Last person you talked to today?

Meg

89. Name a person you hate?

Well, that would be mean.

90. Name a person you love?

My British bestie, honestly, I don’t know why I love her so much. It’s strange. My cat is the next backup.

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

No? Violence is never the answer. Passive aggressiveness is

92. In a fight with someone?

Not that I know of

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

All of my sweats are basically roots, and I honestly have too many

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

TOO MANY

95. Last movie you watched?

Pitch Perfect 2

96. Favourite actress?

Anna Kendrick OR Reese Witherspoon

97. Favourite actor?

I am currently blanking on male actors at the moment. Let’s just go with Ryan Reynolds cause he’s funny af and married to Blake so

98. Do you tan a lot?

I burn a lot.

99. Have any pets?

A really bitchy cat

100. How are you feeling?

Sick #iloveairplanes

101. Do you type fast?

Yes, unnaturally fast. I can also type without looking at the keys which weirds a lot of people out.

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

Doesn’t everyone? It wasn’t stuff that I did myself though

103. Can you spell well?

Usually yes, lately no. I need to go back to school obviously

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

My grandma

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

Yep

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

Accidentally on purpose yes

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

Yes, and I got bucked off and now refuse to ride another horse

108. What should you be doing?

Writing an essay that’s due on Friday

109. Is something irritating you right now?

The fact that I can’t fall asleep, but that’s the norm so

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

Only when they broke my heartttttt

111. Do you have trust issues?

I swear to god I’ve already answered this one

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

My best british friend. She legit left me crying in the middle of the club

113. What was your childhood nickname?

Gray gray. Or Gray goose.

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

Yes

115. Do you play the Wii?

I used to. My console is in my closet now though

116. Are you listening to music right now?

Yes, always.

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

MA FAVE. It’s the only soup I eat.

118. Do you like Chinese food?

YES. MY OTHER FAVE.

119. Favourite book?

13 Reasons Why, or Atonement. Soon to be: Scrappy Little Nobody

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

No.

121. Are you mean?

I am blunt. Sometimes those two can get confused

122. Is cheating ever okay?

No, y’all are scum bye

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

Uh… if my white shoes get dirty I clean them so they’re white again

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

No, but I believe in crushes at first sight #themodel

125. Do you believe in true love?

I mean.. maybe.

126. Are you currently bored?

Yes, hence why I’m answering all these questions

127. What makes you happy?

My friends

128. Would you change your name?

I currently am, but not my first name.

129. What your zodiac sign?

Cancer the crabbbbbb

130. Do you like subway?

Uh…. sometimes. But it’s not my go to

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

Yikes, this has legit happened to me and I had to dip so fast im not even lying

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Definitely one of those Finnish boys

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

Take back your picture in a frame

OR

sometimes the clothes do not make the man

134. Can you count to one million?

Who would ever try that? It would take forever.

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

When I told all my profs I couldn’t write my midterm cause I had a concussion and I went to the Dominican instead #rebel

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

Closed

137. How tall are you?

5′ 3″

138. Curly or Straight hair?

Straight hair that is curled

139. Brunette or Blonde?

Blonde

140. Summer or Winter?

Neither, I hate both. But if I had to choose, summer

141. Night or Day?

Night

142. Favourite month?

May

143. Are you a vegetarian?

No, I’d literally die because I hate vegetables

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

milk

145. Tea or Coffee?

T E A

146. Was today a good day?

Tbh I laid in bed all day so that’s pretty ideal

147. Mars or Snickers?

Mars

148. What’s your favourite quote?

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind - Dr. Suess (how philosophical wow)

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

Nope

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

The young team were still getting most of their ice time in Ilderton and were preparing for the Western Ontario sectionals in the juvenile category, but in late autumn of 1998, just a week before sectionals, Scott broke his right arm playing flag football. That is the longest sentence ever wow.

[s-nnyd]

all of the ask me meme :) please stop talking about naruto

i think that was this one?

rose: what makes you feel beautiful?

man, hmm, when my hair falls just right and it looks like the hairstyle that could be used in like a romcom drama oh or when the sun starts to set because everythign just starts to feel like the right color and it makes it just about everything right

lace: how would you describe your best friend(s)?

complete idiots i love hanging out with

wish: what are your favourite memories?

oh fuck dude my favorite memories? okay so back in middle school when there was the open house and i signed up for one of the shifts i just stayed in ms. dean’s room and like it was raining and pouring and i was just kinda fooling around with some friends before our shifts started and like we ordered pizza and my goodness it was cold and wet as fuck but it was such a genuinely nice memory of just the feeling during that time also when were painting murals for  art ds like shit man that was like the time of my life and i genuinely get all these heartfelt feelings each time i think about it (oh oh oh oh and like mrs q said that like shes trying to make things work with walker about doing a mural inside the class and im like holy fuck please like im legit gonna cry if that happens) and although its super embarrassing just like all the times ive ever really had talks and hung out with mrs q like they were genuinely nice memories and esp friday too like she told me stories about the previous schools she went to and the types of students she had and i love hearing stuff like that and yesterday was truly enjoyable

heaven: describe your ideal date

hhhhhhhh okay okay okay okay so its raining out but we still were supposed to meet up and im standing outside with a cup of hot choco with extra whip cream just the way she likes it cause i wanted to get it for her and when she comes to meet me she also has a cup of hot choco with extra cocoa for me and its just the kinda heart and chest swelling kinda moment cause we both were thinking about each other and then we head over to watch the movies first something stupid yet enjoyable and after going to have some lunch at like a really good tofu house and then after going to an art museum and then ill say somethign cheesy like man im surprised you dont live here ‘why?’ cause youre a work of art  or you know whats the most beautiful piece of art out of this whole exhibit ‘ooo was it the ______ or the _____ one or maybe its the ______?” nah its you and thats the main commentary im making through out the whole exhibition and like after that we head over to my place and the rains still coming down my head on her lap and her fingers through my hair as watch a movie both of us has seen far too many times already that it this point its just for the sake of background noise and like we swap spots where shes on my lap now adn eventually she falls asleep i carry her to the bed and let her nap for a bit and she wakes up after a while and comes into the kitchen and im cooking fried rice at like 3 in the morning and its just lazy hugs and bad singing but all in all its just relaxing soothing loving and everything i really want

angel: what is your dream aesthetic?

oh man like okay have you seen that godzilla jacket that was floating around on tumblr for a while like like that specific aesthetic where its super cool stitching and japanese words that i can actually read for once OH OH OH or like just absolute artist like just paint splatters and charcoal and pastel that wont wash out and jean jackets with patches and just yeeeeeee

wings: list five things you love about yourself

hmmm i think my determination to always be improving, my loyalty, my ability to think from multiple angles of a situation, my creativity and the multitude of ideas that come as a result of it , and mmm prolly the fact that when i love someone or got a crush like more than anything id love to give them the absolute most like id give them the world if i could if it would make them happy and like they dont gotta accept my feelings or anything but jsut please dont reject my gifts like i just want you to be happy and i wanna see you smile and laugh and like even if this aint gonna turn anything im glad i got to love you and have this experience

marble: what do you look for in a partner?

oh man okay so like ive noticed that every single person ive ever had a crush on like  i dont necessarily got a type in the sense of like looks or anything like that cause they all look super different and there is no one “type” but like its a lot closer to a “type” as in a type of person like someone whos generally super open minded and caring and gentle someone who even though they dont believe so theyre changing and helping so so so so many people around them someone who has the best laugh that id do anything to hear and the prettiest eyes and the most amazing smile that id truly do anythign to see someone whos usually loved by many but even in close relations theyre extremely close heart to heart and very attentive someone whos got a great head on their shoulders and the mindset to keep moving forward and improve someone who rlly pushes the idea communication, trust, and honesty and like man theyre people with the most beautiful minds and hearts and like it ends up being a case where theyve got the most beautiful face too

velvet: describe your dream home

oh fuck dude i couldnt even talk about this for my project for japanese i cant do it here

pearl: what is your favourite: scent, flavour, sound, texture?

shit dude ive really gotta say that my favorite scent is prolly the art and the ceramics room like really its super calming my fave flavor would maybe be honey? (i just had a honey stick rn so) my favorite sound is the sound of my crush’s voice and laugh, fave texture has def gotta be my paint like fuck i love sticking my hand in that shit

sunlight: list five things you find to be beautiful

link, zelda, my crush, the specific color of cerulean blue, okay and oddly enough that scar thats on my leg from when i fell off my skateboard

cherry: what words of advice would you give to a stranger?

if you think someone’s got a cool shirt, pretty eyes, a nice laugh, the cutest button nose, a soothing voice, or is just in general attractive to you, just tell them like the smile on their face is worth a whole lot and i promise you that it could make their day

blush: describe your ideal future

oh fuck okay so its one where i got a like four big dogs (cause these are my faves), a samoyed a husky a german shepard and a pit bull, and im living in a nice decent place with my loved one i have a job either at one of the major animation studios or im working with a huge game company (preferably Nintendo so i can work on some loz games) and ive also got a seperate place thats a block or two away from my home and its my own personal studio a place that is just a whole floor dedicated to working on my art whether it be two dimensional traditional or digital and i also got a throwing wheel and a place to put my ceramics and ive made some movies and games that ive dedicated to mrs q and mrs y because theyve brought me so far in my art career and also played such a big role in my life in general and id love to make them proud and like honestly that soudns like the absolute shit to me

sea: what music, art and/or literature brings you peace?

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh man just seein loz fanart is the best but also like fuck dude like mmmmm when i see an art style i really love that has literally the best fuckign composition and color usage like fuck thats my shit like theres some specific ones that i dont know how to describe

wine: talk about something you are looking forward to

working on that mural if mrs q can make it through cause that is legit what i really wanna do like i fucking love working on murals oh oh oh also when we can finally order the new j shirts cause i finished the design and i really wanna see everyone wearing them im really proud of this year’s design aalsososoooooooo like im really excited to work on the next project for ceramics like were makign slab boxes and we can basically tell a story and do whatever the fuck we want with it and man im just so excited for that (wow i legit realized that like everything ive listed that is part of my dream or makes me excited or happy is like art related like wow)

honey: what do you do to relax?

i watch shitposts oh that or i talk to my cousin lynnette cause really shes super understanding and its really easy to talk to her

silk: describe your most recent dream

man i forgot the bulk of it but i think like it was one where i didnt finish my charcoal portrait or my coil pot in time and then i woke up in a cold sweat

matte: what is something you are proud of?

hmmmm at current im proud of the presents i gave to mrs y and mrs q cause it made the both of them really happy and like i really wanted to show them how thankful i am to them and like they genuinely liked the posters and the flowers

gloss: list ten songs you love right now

lmao shit uh

feelings - hayley kiyoko

maple - hayley kiyoko

redbone - childish gambino

forrest gump - frank ocean

shes so mean - matchbox twenty

perfect - ed sheeran

and legit just like all of the soundtracks for all the loz games

satin: what never fails to make you happy?

oh oh oh oh oh when i give a present to my crush or i do something nice for them and they just give me the biggest smile or the best laugh ive ever heard and theres just the crinkle at the corners of their eyes from smilign so hard and because theyre trying so hard to keep eye contact with me while but theyre laughing really hard and they can only keep one eye open and like just the genuineness of joy and all

opal: talk about your interests and passions

hhhhhhhh dude dude like mannnnnn like hhhhhh okay imma talk about loz for a sec and like i know i brought it up before but i love like so much okay like oot was my first time playing time playing any loz game and my lord it was the shit like the storyline the characters the graphics the sound track the quests and side characters liek everything really made it feel like so much mroe and like i feel so much for it like heres link growing up and hes like what around ten or so and hes got some friends and he finally gets his fairy and then his tree dad goes and dies right after telling him lmao sorry but you kinda gotta save the kingdom k bye and like this kid this kid literally knows jack shit about anything but he goes on and does it anyways he goes and helps zelda he goes and helps the people who are in trouble along the way and plays some rad ass tunes on his tiny lil ocarina of time while doing it and like even when he gets put into the future like he sitll has the mindset of a ten year old hes still as innocent and earnest and pure hearted as when he first started and like holy fuck dont get me started on sheik like shit sheik is so damn cool and like knowing that it was zelda all that time like fuck yeah zelda can kick ass fuck yeah zelda got muscles for days fuck yeah she can punt you across the kingdom and like at the end when she thanks him and sends him back and time so he can enjoy the lost time like shit dude i know zelda meant well and all but like hes experienced so much with and for her hes done so much give the kid a break and then even then navi in the end like leaves and then eveything continues in majoras mask and again hes in his ten year old body but now wiht the experiences and knowledge and basically memories from being seventeen like hes got so much mroe than what his body and mind should handle at this point and he wanders into the forest again all in search for an old friend to look for navi and like when he gets sent to termina after trying to chase after skull kid and like havign those nightmares witht he scrubs like hes gone through so much and i only want more for him and like he doesnt have to save termina he doesnt he doesnt need to do anything he can let termina get smooshed to smitherins by the moon for all the work hes already done for hyrule but he does it anyway and he rewinds time again and again and again and again so he can fix all of these problems for all of these people he does all of this to bring some sort of proper ending for these people who have the last three days of their lives the last three days before their deaths repeat over and over and over and over and over again and he saves them each and every time he rewinds time and he goes through all this shit i mean this ten year old mother fucker is doing olympic bakc flips and twirls and shit after oot like shit boi and then like oh myy gooddddd like damn botw like fuck dude that game means a whole lot to me like its lacking a lil bit in the presence of an evil and i mena i know its ganon and all but like shit i could ignore that motherfucker for all eternity if he wasnt being such a total asshat to zelda and like i mainly beat that motherfucker up just for zelda like for once in a game ive never wanted more to save her like they went so much into detail abotu her and like dude those memories thos cutscenes? like that shit made everythign and i truly love her she works so hard and shes held up to this image of being extremely spiritiually adept because of all her ancestors ebcause of all the other zeldas but she jsut cant she jsut cant do the same thing and so she tries in other ways she tries to udnerstand and get a grasp on sheikah and ancient tech so she can at least be prepared to stand against the calamity when it does come and like the champions all worry about her like the girl nearly got herself killed in the process of trying to awaken her so called spiritual powers and like dude finding out that in the beginning zelda legit hated links ass like they put so much mroe into her like she she hated seeing that he was a prodigy that he didnt have a single trouble in the world and then finally link speaks up and he tells her he talks to her about why he keeps quiet and like the two finally bond and like the two dorks love each other so much that it really does go beyond friendship and romance like they legit would die for each other that one time that zelda was this fucking close to getting her ass handed to her on a silver platter and link was beat the fuck up like he went to save her and then the time when link was basically on his death bed and a guardian was about to pulverize him zelda stood between him and the guardian this bitch wasnt even thinking about having her spiritual powers she was legit ready to die for him if it meant he could run away and get to safety and i mean luckily she her spiritual powers did come out but she legit realized it when she was so genuinely scared but chose to stand up cause she cared for him so much and like these two kids fight so much and have gone through a lot both on their own times and also together but like i love them so much no matter what timeline theyre in

kiss: what do you want from life right now?

my lord i want life to point me in the right direction tbqh or at least give me a mentor for some help like please ive been guiding and doing everything myself this whole time give me a break like after reading all the stories for lang and lit like it makes me feel so lost in what im doing like after catcher in the rye and playing the role of holden caulfield and denying that i fit any part of the role and then realizing how similar i was to him and then reading death of a salesman and relating to biff and reading raisin in the sun and relating to beneatha like shit i really felt lost like ive been talking about it with my therapist lately and like yeah i think i really need some direction or reassurance or a mentor or at least something in my life thats consistent cause right now im a complete mess

[ficswithrimi]

Hi! I love your Noctis story and the main girl!!! I’m obsesssed with the main girl, actually! If you don’t mind, can you give a brief description of her and her background? Like not set-insert if that makes sense? Thx!

Brief?!?!!! I know no such word. LETS GET TO IT!!So my baby girl, Y/N, right? Her actual name is Natasha Lee. Sometimes I accidentally write Natasha when writing for her and Noctis and remember whoops, it’s a self insert story. She’s the same age as Prompty and Nocty Noct. She’s a Christmas baby. Her name literally means “born on Christmas” lmao. I’ve made a sim of what she looks like but in case you don’t feel like scrolling to find it, she has mid-back length black hair, light brown eyes, a slender but curvy body, and a tattoo of wings on her back. She technically wasn’t supposed to have a tattoo but the sim I edited to create her already had a tattoo and I didn’t notice it until it was too late and I was like well okay whatever, Tasha got a tat. It’ll probably be mentioned in future stories involving her. She’s also a shortie! She’s like 5’0ft! She literally looks up to the boys (that’s why Gladio and even Ignis can handle her with ease considering she’s so smol). When she brushes hair out of the prince’s face, she has to stand on her tiptoes slightly. A cutie, really.BUT!!! Don’t let her smallness fool you. She’ll kick your ass. Her parents enrolled her in karate as a kid so don’t fuck with her. Honestly she could’ve kicked Ardyn’s ass when he stabbed Luna but she was injured and Ardyn is immortal so there’s that 🤷🏽‍♀️SPEAKING OF HER PARENTS AND FAMILY! She’s the eldest child of her parents with a younger brother, Alex Lee. Huge age diff between them. I actually forgot how many. I know when Tasha was like 30, Alex was like 21 or 22 or something. She’s super close and protective of him, tho! Her parents work a lot so usually she’s the one to care for Alex. Her mama is a doctor at Insomnia General Hospital and her dad some businessman who works for the city. She’s closer to her mom than her dad if u couldn’t tell in the story. So personality wise, Tasha is a good girl. Not Lunafreya Nox Fleuret goody-two-shoes (i mUsT fUlFiLl mY dUtY aS oRaClE...) but she’s a sweetie. Very protective of her friends and family and willing to help strangers out (wow Luna is another example of this). Very trusting. Thought Ardyn was cool until, ya know, he stabbed Luna in front of her. A slight scaredy cat. The idea of fighting daemons and Nifelheim soldiers terrify her. And being outside the safety of Insomnia frightens her. Honestly she’d probably wouldn’t even tag along with the boys if she knew Gladio wasn’t going with them kdkdkslsld she looks to Gladio for safety cuz I mean, who wouldn’t? However, she receives must of her help from Noctis. UHH BUT DONT CALL HER A DAMSEL IN DISTRESS! Like I said, she can kick ass. She HAS kicked ass. Does she really need noct and the gang to protect her? Hell nah. It’s just nice to have back up. Actually she hates when Noctis’s saves her (by warping - another fear) and 9 times out of 10, she yells at him for doing so. She got this. She doesn’t need a prince. Hello.Her weaknesses are Noctis and Prompto. Those two are her ride or die. Best friends for life. The two of the three amigos. If they’re in danger, she’ll run to protect them. Prompto is her twin in a sense. They always think of ways to prank Noctis and do weird things like randomly sing songs while on missions in the middle of the woods at night. Prompto sensed Tasha was into Noctis when they were in their mid-teens but dismissed it cuz Natasha denied it. Noctis Lucis Caelum is tHE LOVE OF HER LIFE! Oh my. Honestly you’d be blind not to see she’s in love with him (call Noctis blind). After she admitted her feelings to herself, it was game over. And she actually hates herself for loving him but how can she not? She fell for her best friend. Not her fault he didn’t ban her from the city when she gave him an accidental nosebleed when they first met. She calls him Prince Charming to mess with him but she 100% means it. He’s her Prince Charming. Though sometimes she forgets he’s a prince. Anywho, if someone fucks with either of the two, best start writing your will cuz she gonna probably kill you. Same if you mess with her family.Ummmm... what else about Natasha? No clue. She’s pretty awesome to me but I c r e a t e d her so there’s that. She’s basically your normal young woman who somehow ended up befriending a prince.Oh. And she’s a future queen. Her name at the end of the main story is Natasha Lucis Caelum. 😊