#i already knew that within 10 years it would be done given how little beach there is regularly compared to when I was a kid and even

[shadowkat2000]

well, the Florida house on my dad’s side is likely to be absolutely flattened by the hurricane today due to it being right in the middle of its path, thanks for the memories and for the friends I made

[masterjedilenawrites]

The Sniper and The Medic: Chapter 10

Starring: Crosshair, OC Joan Vo

Chapter Warnings: Discussions of bullying, death, injuries, and other tragic things, offset by a lil fluff at the end

Taglist: @proadhog @skippyhopperwisdom

AO3 Link (In case you like it better over there, it’s okay, no judgement)

A/N: Just want to quickly apologize for the 2 week delay in updating this story, but also this will be my 99th post on this blog which is kinda fitting once you read it, so I guess some things are just meant to be...

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Chapter 10: Good Grief

He met her at the designated place that evening, barely able to contain the mixture of excitement and dread that welled within him. On the one hand, Crosshair welcomed any opportunity to spend time with Joan, especially after she had shown interest in wanting to grow closer to him. She looked as beautiful as ever when she joined him, wearing her cute little shorts and signature smile.

But on the other hand, they were running out of time. He deployed tomorrow afternoon. How could they possibly grow closer in such a short window?

And how could he possibly say good-bye if they did? 

He led her through the set of double doors and down a long hallway, keeping his strides as relaxed as he could, despite his every nerve being on edge. She walked fairly close alongside him, but nothing too scandalous. Not that it was likely they'd be caught. This part of the facility was more-or-less abandoned, only used to house the more rarely-used supplies for the maintenance crew. Half the walls were stripped of their usual white sheen, revealing cracked plaster and dirty insulation instead. Only a few like himself knew it was a good place to go when in need of some privacy.

But there was also something here he wanted to show Joan. A way to help her understand his life as a defective clone. He wasn't sure why the idea had popped into his head earlier; he should have just suggested the simulation room again, programmed it to a nice, romantic beach or something. But it was too late to go back now.

They neared the door in question and Crosshair punched in the code. He gestured for Joan to walk in ahead of him, wanting to keep an eye on her reactions.

It was barely considered a room, more of a corridor that was meant to connect this hallway with another. A motion-sensor light flickered on as they entered. Miscellaneous boxes and crates had been pushed up against the wall on the left, dusty and unimportant. It was the righthand wall that gave this space significance. It had long been reduced to its concrete foundation, and chiseled crudely over most of its surface were names and numbers. The largest script was in the top left corner, only two symbols.

"Ninety-nine," Joan read out loud as she stood in the center of the room and looked over the wall in reverence. "This is a memorial."

Crosshair nodded. "All the clones who've died here, never stepping foot into battle. Most of them defects, like 99. Their names won't be found anywhere else. This... is their only legacy."

She nodded at him solemnly in understanding. He watched as she brushed her hands over some of the etchings, fingers tracing the lines as she read them over. There were mostly numbers, many of them not having lived long enough to find a nickname. One of his own batch-mates had been like that, only living a few short years before his defective heart had given out. 

Crosshair tore his gaze away from Joan to find his brother's number on the wall. Beneath it was the second lost brother, who had made it just a little longer. Scraps, they'd called him. He brought his hand up to rest alongside their names, frowning deeply at the memories they gave him.

He felt Joan come to stand next to him and he swallowed hard.

"He was sick all the time, but he kept trying," he explained. "He was worse off than me, and yet I was the kid who cried every night, and he'd talk me down. He'd tell me we had to keep fighting, we had to prove them all wrong. And then one day... he was gone. He'd failed some test and they just... they took him and...."

He couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence. Thankfully Joan didn't need him to. She laced her fingers through his and squeezed reassuringly.

"They told me I'd be next," he said, his voice getting lower. "The Kaminoans. The training Sergeants. The other cadets. With Wrecker, Hunter, it was obvious they'd be useful, their mutations were fine. But me? What was I good for? Who could look at me and know what I was capable of?"

His words hung between them for a short while before Joan gave another squeeze of his hand.

"I'm so sorry, Crosshair," she said and he knew she meant it. "You deserved better. They all did. But... I know this might not sound quite right, but without that pain, you might not have become as determined and passionate and committed and loyal as you are now."

He finally looked away from the wall and down at her, surprised that she remembered the words he'd once written for her, all those months ago. The words he believed embodied who he really was.

"You didn't let your past break you. You used it to make you stronger. You should be proud of that."

He had never been told such a thing before. He'd never been given permission to feel proud, to take ownership of his life. It made him feel... relieved. To know that all of his struggles could mean something made the burden of grief that much lighter to bear.

And to hear it coming from Joan made him feel things, too. He realized he wanted to kiss her. She was standing somewhat close, her fingers were still grasping his own. She seemed to be enough at ease, comfortable here with him, even in such a sad moment. But he panicked and looked away before he could act on such impulses. He still didn't know what she wanted, or any of the things she'd alluded to having gone through herself. It didn't feel right to make to such an intimate move yet.

"Um, we can talk about you now," he stuttered awkwardly, overly aware of how clammy his hand felt under hers. "If you want...."

She laughed a little, but it wasn't a joyful sound. "I'm afraid my story's not any happier."

"Oh."

She cocked her head a little and reached up with her free hand to lightly touch the tattoo around his eye. "Didn't get a chance to tell you before, but I really like this. It's perfect."

He smirked but kept his eyes carefully fixed on hers, waiting. She seemed to be deciding what she wanted to say.

"Not sure if you've seen my own." She tried to sound playful, letting go of his hand in order to turn slightly and show off the splattering of tattooed birds around the thick scar on her thigh. "It's... kind of a memorial, too."

Joan looked toward the wall and took in a measured breath. "When the war started, my family did what we could to help. But then comes the Republic with its grand, shiny new army, and they tell us they've got it from here. Go home. My parents listened... I didn't. I couldn't. No, I marched up to the first battalion I could find and I told them I'd be helping them whether they liked it or not. They were the 116th, led by Commander Crowe."

She held a small smile on her face, fondness peeking through the sorrow like rays of sunlight into a curtained room.

"Your brothers," said Crosshair knowingly.

"Mmhmm.... They were so good to me. They taught me everything I know. We went through so much together. And then one day..." she looked over at Crosshair apologetically as she borrowed his previous words to tell her own story, "my speeder exploded, messed up my leg really bad. I did everything I could to try and fix it myself, but we were short on supplies and it just wasn't getting any better. Crowe insisted I go to Coruscant for treatment. I didn't want to, I hadn't been apart from them in years, but there was no choice."

And then the curtains were snapped shut and all that was left on Joan's face was sorrow. Sorrow and darkness.

"They died while I was recovering. All of them. A single missile to their ship somewhere in deep space. And that was it. No more 116th battalion. No more family."

Instinctually, Crosshair reached for Joan's hand as she had done for him. She seemed surprised, breaking out of her haze and looking at his hand like it was the only thing grounding her.

"I should have died with them," she said in a hoarse voice. "At least, that's what I told myself for seven months. Until Cody came. He'd been good friends with Crowe, knew all about me. He told me to get over myself. That I was still alive for a reason and that I did nothing to honor their memories by letting myself waste away. And then he offered me a job, said I could help some of his other brothers, the way I'd done for the 116th."

Slowly her sadness was fading and Crosshair was grateful. It was easier to hold on to his own pain and learn to live with it, but seeing the same feelings in Joan had scared him. He didn't know what to do to help her. As she wrapped up her story, though, he began to realize that he already had.

"He said it was an experimental unit and that none of you would look like, well, the regular clones, so maybe it'd be easier for me to get back into it. And it was. I knew I loved all of you boys from the first day. You were all confident and eager. None of the battle-worn spirits I was used to dealing with. You gave me life again. Helped me rediscover my purpose. My passion."

She took a step closer to him, holding his hand back firmly.

"You were the tough one," she smirked. "You're so calm and relaxed, so sure of yourself. Any time I felt anxious or like I wasn't making a difference, I knew I could count on you to put me at ease. Even when you were a little sassy."

She giggled, but Crosshair's mind was reeling. She thought he was the assured one? This whole time she'd been seeing him the same way he saw her?

"And then, you know, you stood me up that one day," she sighed dramatically and then it was his stomach that started doing flips as the regret from his actions returned. "Which happened to be the, uh, anniversary of their passing.... And I didn't think I'd be able to do anything that day, except that I knew you'd be coming by, and so I actually got out of bed and did some chores and saw other patients.... And I was trying to think of ways I could keep you for longer than just a consult on your injury. I was going to have you teach me darts and maybe help me sneak some good snacks from somewhere or ask to get a tour of your new ship...."

She was looking up at him with bright eyes and the thought of kissing her returned. She was definitely close enough now, and as he made eye contact, she couldn't seem to remember what she was going to say next, her voice trailing off into short little breaths.

"I really am sorry," he said, stalling for time. He wasn't sure why he kept hesitating when it was something he wanted so desperately. So much for her thinking he was confident.

"I know," she said softly. Was she leaning closer or was he?

"I... I'm leaving tomorrow," he said.

"I know." Both of their hands were clasped in each other's now, pulses beating rapidly beneath hopeful grips.

"And," he kept going, even though the space between them was continuing to grow smaller, "I've never done this before."

"I know." She grinned, and that undid him.

Whatever self-conscious walls he'd put up for whatever irrational reasons came crumbling down as he finally closed the gap and pressed his lips against hers.

[heart-inked]

Warning: really long post I made because I’m bored, if you’re not bored you’re allowed to skip.

BOLD WHAT APPLIES TO YOU

You are female

You received a gift on Valentine’s Day

You have been hit on at work

You have watched someone shoplift

You have eaten simply out of boredom

You are ticklish

You have thrown up in a public place

You had something remind you of your ex that made you miss them

You have been out of the country within the last six months

You have been a designated driver

You have played spin the bottle

You have played strip poker

You have been skinny dipping

You have been TP’d

You have been in a cemetery at midnight

You have made a prank phone call

You have pretended to be your mom/dad on the phone

You have snuck into a movie without paying

You have stolen a street sign of some sort

You have been to Walmart in the past 24 hours

You drive a blue vehicle

You have a some point in time had blonde highlights

You have liked someone and never told them

You have told someone you liked them and was rejected

You have been liked someone you didn’t expect

Your parents are divorced

Both or one of your parents are now married to different people

Your grandma is over 80

You have a tattoo most people don’t know about

You have a tattoo

You have a tramp stamp

You have a tribal tattoo

You have piercings other than your ears

You have your nose pierced

You have your belly button pierced

You have a Monroe piercing

You have gauges that stretch your ear lobes - not anymore but I used to

You have had a crush on a sibling’s friend

You have had a crush on a friend’s sibling

You work 30+ hours a week if school counts towards it

You have received a phone call within the last hour

You were named after someone else

You were born between April & September of your birth year

You were born before 1994

You were born before 1990

You were born before 1986

Your last name has more than five letters

Your last name begins with a ‘C’

Your last name begins with an ‘L’

Your last name begins with an ‘S’

Your middle name begins with a ‘N’

Your middle name begins with an ‘R’

Your middle name begins with a ‘D’

Your first name begins with a ‘B’

Your first name begins with a ‘H’

Your first name begins with a ‘Z’

You prefer taking showers to taking baths

You haven taken a foreign language class

You have taken an art class

You have taken a music class

You own a denim jacket

You own a pair of skinny jeans

You own something tie dyed

You own a ‘little black dress’

You have had to have your pet put to sleep

You know someone who had a late miscarriage

You know someone under 20 who passed away from cancer

You know someone with an eating disorder

You know someone who cuts

You have had your hair down to your waist

You have shaved your head

You have had a mohawk

You have dyed your hair blue

You would get your nipples pierced for $100

You would kiss someone 20 years older than you for $50

You would drink a bottle of hot sauce for $20

You have gone to a dance without a date

You know five people under twenty with children

You have considered joining the military

You are in the military

You are out of high school

You are an Aries

You are a Saggittarius

You are a Pisces

You can tie a cherry stem in a knot with your tongue

You have dated someone who had a child

You have dated someone five year younger than you

You have dated someone five years older than you

You have dated a friend’s ex

You have been in a relationship longer than three years

You are currently single

You are currently engaged

You have kissed someone last New Years

You have worked on a Christmas Eve

You have worked 3rd shift

Your school mascot is an animal

You are wearing something red

You have been to the doctor in the past 3 months

You have been cheated on

You have been told you have beautiful eyes

You have burned yourself with a curling iron/straightner

You have gotten the urge to cry at a random moment

You know how to cook well

You hate having to get up any earlier than noon

You are a night owl

You are a morning person

You have flashed someone

You have an older brother

You have a younger sister

You have a half sibling

You know sign language

You have been to Chicago

You have been to Las Vegas

You have been to Miami

You live in Arkansas

You live in Texas

You have ridden in a small vehicle with 10+ people crammed in it

You have been somewhere and had your ride leave without you

You have accepted a ride home from someone you barely knew

You were in a relationship at this time one year ago

You were in a relationship six months ago

You were in a relationship one month ago

You have bought helium balloons just to make funny noises with them

You have gotten a speeding ticket

You own a t-shirt that supports your favorite band

You have won free tickets to a concert

You have won money from scratch-off cards

You have bought cigarettes when you were underage

You use hairspray daily

You have argued with someone today

You believe in love at first sight

You are a vegan

You have played with an Ouija board

You have visited somewhere said to be ‘haunted’

You drive a vehicle newer than 2006

You own a digital camera

You have taken photographs of yourself simply because you were bored

If you could you’d spend a week in the 1920s

You would rather vacation over a ski resort than a beach house

You have been on a cruise in the Carribean

You are lactose intolerant

You sunburn easily

You have freckles

You have a birthmark

You have questioned your beliefs

You have questioned your sexuality

You are emancipated from your parents

You live on your own

You live with your boyfriend/girlfriend

You live with at least 3 roommates

Your mom was a teen when she had you

You are adopted

You have considered adoption in your future

You want more than four kids

You don’t want any kids

You have children already

You model your life after someone you look up to

You have had a crush on a celebrity

You still have beanie babies from when it was all rage

You watch a certain TV show regularly

You know the Lord’s Prayer by heart

You didn’t pass the first time you took your drivers test

You remember exactly where you were and what you were doing on 9/11

You have had a detention

You know how to knit

You can drive a stick shift

You have broke a curfew

You have graffiti-ed something

You own an umbrella

You are dating the last person you kissed

You have kissed someone in the last 24 hours

You have kissed more than 3 people in the last year

Your last missed call was from a relative

You have driven somewhere today

You know someone who works at McDonalds

You are diabetic

You are hypoglemic

You wear glasses/contacts

You have braces

You are pregnant

You are wearing shorts

You are wearing at least three pieces of jewelry

You have let someone use you, even when you knew they were

You have done something you really regret

You have told someone something you really wish you could take back

You have done something that ruined a friendship

You are on non-speaking terms with a relative

You have taken back an ex

You have dumped someone and later thought if it was the right thing

You have broken someone’s heart

You have had your heart broken

You have ignored someone who liked you in favor of someone you liked more

You have been hit on by the same sex

You prefer a hook up with no strings attached over a relationship

You have received a love letter

You have had a secret admirer

You know someone with the same birthday as you

You know someone with the same birth year as you

You have been told you look like a certain celebrity

You are taller than your mom

You are taller than your dad

You are a legal adult

Your favorite season is Winter

Your favorite color is green

Your favorite number is 7

Your favorite animal is a panda

You saw your favorite movie in theaters

You have been to a concert of your favorite band

You have a cold at the moment

You have visited all 50 states

You have walked around town after midnight

You have been stuck on a ferris wheel when it started raining

You have been in a tornado

You have been in a hurricane

You have thrown up in a restaurant

You couldn’t live without caffeine

You have been to the emergency room more than 5 times

You have slept more than 24 hours in one sleep session

You have received a compliment today

You have given someone a false number so they couldn’t call you

You have convinced someone you had a twin

You have convinced someone you had a sibling that didn’t really exist

You have gotten in the car and drove somewhere with no destination in mind

You have taken the long way home just so that you could jam out to some tunes

You have considered taking up a hippie-care-free lifestyle

You have seriously considered legally changing your name

You have walked around in your underwear while you were home alone

You have gambled online

You have fallen for someone you told yourself you wouldn’t fall for

You have smoked a whole pack of cigarettes in a matter of hours

You have drank so much you blacked out

You have been bit by a snake

You have been bit by a dog

You wish at 11:11

You have found a four leaf clover

You pick up pennies for good luck

You don’t really believe in luck

You have remained good friends with an ex

You have been a flower girl/ring bearer at a wedding

You have been a best man/maid of honor at a wedding

You have been to a funeral this year

You have been to a baby shower this year

You have been to a bachelor/bachelorette party this year

You have been to a 21st party this year

You have been to a graduation party this year

You have been to a going away party this year

You love the smell of fresh cut grass

You have seen a sunset and stayed awake to see the sunrise

You have borrowed someone’s coat/sweater and forgot to give it back

You have used an excuse (cold, scared, etc) to get to cuddle with someone

You have died in a dream

You have gotten a call from someone and wondered how they got your number

You have laughed out loud to something you were thinking of

You have gotten lost and ended up in a completely different destination

You have run out of gas before

You have done something just because you knew you weren’t supposed to

You have been grounded for longer than a month

You receive an allowance

You have babysat more than one child under 10 at a time

You have called in sick to work because you had a hangover

You have stared at the dots on your ceiling and saw pictures of them

You have stayed longer than 3 days in the hospital (psychiatric)

You have pretended to be someone you weren’t for someone else

You have danced in front of the mirror in private

You have dialed a wrong number and it turned out to be someone you knew

You have been to the Atlantic ocean

You have told someone you were fine when you weren’t

You have copied someone else’s work

You have read an entire book in one sitting

You have spent more than $100 on one pair of jeans

You have taken gymnastics

You have taken a karate class

You have written something on a dollar bill

You have eaten peanut butter right out of the jar

You feel like you have no life because you completed this

[scoundrels-in-love]

For the prompt-- A-14, B-10, C-9!

Hi dear, I only took ages to get this done! But I really had fun with it!!

Tracing fingers over skin + Kitchen + To start a new habit

Also on AO3 because I got severely carried away.

It starts like this:

It’s been three days since her game with Margaery and some unknown number had woken her up with a text of a screenshot of people discussing that of course the brute beat the delicate flower to dust. She blocked the number and deleted the text without even reading beyond the third line, but the sleep has been chased off and the sun is sneaking golden fingers above the horizon, so she rises to wring the stone in her chest until it yields. 

Not unusually, Jaime is down in the courts before her doing his warm up stretches, and she jogs past him without a glance because the last thing she wants to think about is the way power comes to him in sleek lines and deceptive ease.

Brienne does her own stretches and begins training, but it feels sloppy and her body jerks in response to her instincts and thoughts instead of the controlled fluidity she’s more used to having. At one point, she sends one of the tennis balls straight for Jaime’s head and he bats it down before she manages to shout a warning, which is somehow both a relief and a disappointment. She swings at the next ball with more force.

"Hey Stork," he calls, and she tries to ignore Jaime approaching her with intent and grace she really would pay to see dismantled, just fucking once. 

Her glower at the nickname feels like it’s doing her no favors, but she can't help it. He hasn't stopped calling her that since the unfortunate day she sunburned her legs, turning them that undelightful lobster - or stork - red and had to play a game, the color vivid against the stupid white of the uniform. (It hadn’t been the worst thing she had heard that day, by far, but she still would like to have left it within that day.)

"I really can't bear to watch anymore," he informs her, tossing her the ball, and she's so close to just snarling at him. 

"Then don't look," she bites instead. 

"Believe me, I've tried," Jaime says and there's something wry and a little mocking in his face. If she was any more gullible, she'd almost think it was self-depreciating. But she isn't and she begins to turn away, unwilling to let him brighten his day by mocking her appearance.

And then she's snapping back to glare at him, when he speaks a moment later.

"Are you playing to win or to apologize?" he asks, tilting his chin up just so and looking at her through his unfairly long lashes. It looks like an almost exact copy of Cersei's subtler seduction looks, but this one doesn't even try to hide the sharpness and it's way too early for her armor to be impenetrable.

 She doesn't owe him a response, but she gives it anyway. (As one always does when it comes to Lannisters.) "To win," she says and feels her nostrils flare a little.

"Then why do you apologize constantly?" he asks and steps into her space, menacing and golden like a midday sun in the middle of drought.

"With your posture, the way you hunch, how you hold your racket - all of it is just screaming 'I'm sorry you have to look at me, I'll make myself small'. It wasn’t like that last year. And I've seen you play angry, you’ve still got it." He moves around her and taps the back of her neck, her shoulder, her elbow, her wrist as he speaks. She straightens up automatically, adjusts her arm though her anger had already sprung her back ramrod straight, as if being an inch taller could pull her heart out of his maw's reach.

He looks satisfied almost, at the way she's towering over him now, and she doesn't want to tell him of Hyle and his buddies, doesn't want to speak of old scars that were opened up with a scalpel of cruelty.

"Play angry, if you must. But stop apologizing."

"Playing angry isn't my style," she tells him and sees the prisms in his eyes shift, catch light at an angle, almost like a hurt, before it settles. 

"Maybe it should be. No publicity is bad publicity and all that." 

They both know it's a lie, though Lannisters money have managed to make it as close to truth as can be. After all, he's still playing, despite the grave injury Aerys sustained. Still going for the stars, not caring if anyone says he bought them or beat them into submission.

But he isn't done with her either: "And your cool calculations obviously aren't very objective about yourself these days."

She wants to tell him that just because his default setting is egomaniac, doesn't mean a realistic vision of self is wrong but he is already leaving, tossing "see ya, Stork" over his shoulder.

She's left glaring at his retreating back and training furiously, she's left having him tap her shoulder or her elbow every morning when he passes to or from the court he’s training on, though there's no need anymore. Enough that when she goes back to Tarth for the summer, every morning seems to be missing something. 

And later, there isn't a pleasant little shiver racing beneath her skin where his tap slips down her arm in passing, almost like a caress.

There isn't.

***

It starts like this:

Jaime never looks small, but he almost does so now, staring at the Mountain across the court as they approach. It's not the way the other man is both wider and taller, it's the way Cersei's machinations are there, breathing and twisting before him.

She's moving more hurriedly before she realizes, wading through the crowd that unwillingly parts for her, toward him and catches him just before he steps out. Her hand feels hot and clumsy and heavy, but she reaches out nonetheless.

She squeezes his shoulder, mouths "play angry" to him in passing and sees a flicker of surprise across his face, as if he isn't expecting her support or her understanding of the phrase now. As if she didn't stay up working herself to exhaustion by his side, just so he wouldn't be alone and she could convince him to go to the dorm when she did, too.

Then he smiles, an echo of his old, victorious grin, but somehow sharper for all the little space it is given, and nods.

He wins. (7-6 tiebreaker)

"Thanks," he tells her later. "I guess storks do bring good luck after all."

"Since when have you become so humble to credit a win to luck?" She rolls her eyes at him, sipping iced coffee as they look over the sea lapping at the pier, glittering in the afternoon sun.

"Oh, I do know how to give credit where it's due," he laughs, but it's soft and warm and he's like a sunset beach. Her heart constricts because none of this lingering warmth and last gilded wave crests are for her.

And yet, she continues to dig her toes in the sand, doing the same shoulder clasp gesture before each of his matches. Because that's what friends do. And they are friends, bros even, and leaning down to press a kiss to his cheek like a favor of a lady, like Sansa might to Margaery or Cersei used with Robert, isn't in the cards for her. She swallows the thought whole as swiftly as stork might a frog when it leaps into her mind.

Swallows it again and again with increasing frequency. Even when last week he stepped up to her as she wished him luck, eyes warm like green candles, and briefly grasped her arm as if to hold her, as if to pull her in and if she was any more foolish she would have wondered if he thought of it too. But she's not that foolish and she isn't left reeling with waves lapping at her feet, uncatchable no matter how she may want to hold onto them.

She isn't.

***

It starts like this:

It feels fresh and tender, like first leaves unfurling, this shift between them, but with every kiss and smile, every morning spent watching the sun competing with her fingers in a quest to cover his skin with tender touches, her faith that it will endure and reach toward the sky becomes stronger.

It had started long before either of them thought it had, never ends and starts each day anew still, something new and something old bleeding together into a color that shifts and grows more vast with a thousand little things.

"Did you ever notice how we came up with all these ridiculous reasons to touch each other?" he asks her that morning as she's making breakfast and he's just set their cups of coffee on the table.

"What do you mean?" She is a little distracted by his fingers stroking up and down her bare arm, but she doubts she'd guess at his meaning even otherwise.

"The taps, the good luck wishes, the way I'd hand you coffee and brush fingers against yours, shoulder bumps in the hallway, the way we high five with only each other… All of these, just so we could touch for one moment."

"I wished you luck earnestly and with no ulterior motive," she defends, but it sounds a little thin even, or especially, to her ears. "Well, I waited for it every time with that intent, so."

She'd argue about the taps, but he's already confessed to calling her stork because he couldn't stop thinking about her legs to point they might as well be permanently painted red in his vision and that Stormlanders consider the birds sacred still, a blessing to any household.

"You are not a Stormlander," she had laughed, oddly pleased he knew this of her home region. 

"Never let it be said I don't appreciate learning some truths," Jaime had told her, between pressing soft kisses to her knuckles and then her mouth.

There had been so much tenderness and reverence in the gesture, and just a touch of teasing in his eyes, like she truly was both his blessing and his lucky charm. (If there is any man that'd flirt with his luck as much as danger, then it's Jaime)

She isn't so foolish to think it is true, but she knows enough that he does believe it, with his whole heart. And that's enough for her.

"Where are you going with this?" Because Jaime loves talking just for sake of talking, has for years now that he knows he's allowed to, just to unravel his thoughts,but there's intent in his eyes and his fingers, ghosting up and down and around her arm and then her back, still.

"We should start new touching habits, just because we can." 

"Like what?" She can’t say she’s not curious and warmed by the thought all at once, these little things he wants to build their life with. Things she hadn’t thought she wanted, sometimes, but finish that sloppy, once-impossible blueprint of a dream life perfectly. 

"We could make room for it in our lunch breaks. Do you know how often I wanted to kiss you when we ate lunch together?" She doesn’t, but she can estimate, based on her own experiences and it’s a number she doesn’t quite want to confess to.

Luckily, that’s not Jaime’s goal. He stands up and steps behind her, wraps arms around her waist and rests his chin on her shoulder. A sense of content radiates from him, like he’s somehow a cat that has found his perfect sunbeam to nap in.

"We owe it to our past selves, you know. And future ones, too." 

Only Jaime would turn a suggestion to lazily make out at lunch as a daily routine into something poetic and be completely serious about it. The shift from relaxed contention to something more trickles in the little space left between their bodies. 

"And this is good, too. Just me getting touch you while you cook." He brushes her hair a little to the side and presses a little kiss to the back of her neck, making her shiver as if she’s been thrown from cold water straight into the sun - it’s still so much. She doesn’t think it’ll ever be truly less, even if it’s different.

"You're just saying so you don't have to prepare food," Brienne says instead, because it’s not the words that do the talking between them, half the time. 

"Oh no, not at all. I'm all for being touch appreciated, any time." His grin is audible and she feels it press against her shoulder where he’s mouthing kisses now, having slid the strap of her tank top down. 

"I think we should appreciate the breakfast now." Because gods know if they don’t, it’ll be a while before they return to thoughts of food. She extracts herself from his arms, much to his soft protesting, and begins plating the food.

"What about later?" He is smirking, eyebrow quirked, and his eyes are full of light. Fondness bubbles in her chest, because there was a time when she hadn’t known he was capable of being this plainly open and joyful. When he hadn’t known. She treasures evidence of the shift, like every beautiful sunrise.

"Maybe there are few habits I'd like to establish, too," she smiles and cups his cheek briefly before placing a kiss on his cheekbone. 

After all, there is time for it, time for them.

[storm-driver]

Chapter 10 for Atone and Repay is at about the 56% mark and I should be able to get more of it done in the next week, maybe get it up soon. Chapter 11 shouldn’t take nearly as long, since I’ve been working on that one alongside Chapter 10. As a thanks for putting up with my excessively long hiatus, here’s a preview for Chapter 10 below the cut! I’ve been working on this chapter since I published Chapter 9 last year, but a majority of this chapter was written in the past few months. Thank you again for sticking with me, and I hope to have “Once More” up on Ao3 sometime in the next few weeks! <3

(Be warned, has direct spoilers for AAR, please consider reading the full story before reading this ^^)

“So much for leaving home...And here I thought I’d get to go on a real journey for once…” Ventus huffed, dragging his tired, armored legs across the stone floor outside his castle home. Night had fallen on the Land of Departure, and it was getting increasingly cold with each passing second.

Ventus’ pulled the helmet off his head, making his blond spikes spring back up as he did so. He stole a glance at the clouded skies, spotting the first specks of snow that fluttered down. The cold wind pressed against his face, soothing the small pain from the scratch that he still had on his cheek.

It’d only been a few hours since the Nobodies attacked them in the mansion, but it felt like it could’ve been months ago. Roxas’ unsuspecting body being hurled across the room, through a doorway and crashing down into the broken table and chandelier. The desolate look on his face, his eyes unblinking and heart beating all too slow. He must’ve had a concussion, even after Aqua administered some healing spells. He had still been slurring his words and glancing around the room as if he had not escaped the memory from the past.

It only gave rise to worry when he insisted on searching the mansion still. Standing up from his spot on the table and tumbling forward as Terra and Riku tried to get him to sit down. And then Roxas fell over seconds after standing up.

Would that they hadn’t encountered those Nobodies, or that Roxas hadn’t fallen at such a precarious moment. He wouldn’t recover within an hour, and Aqua made the decision to go back home. To take a break and simply breathe rather than throwing themselves into the next piece of this puzzle they couldn’t solve. It had been several nights since anyone in the castle got good rest, being awoken by Ventus’ screams at painful nightmares, or the everyday trauma that seemed to haunt them all.

Being back home was reassuring, at least. Ventus knew this place, better than anywhere else he may have lived in the past. He knew the halls, and where he could sleep without someone bothering him. He knew the mountains where they trained, and he knew the forest far and below them. It was a small world, but it was a haven. Even if Nobodies had proven they could reach here. 

The dark corridor he’d walked through was ever shifting and threatening to close if someone had lost his grip on the darkness. It was sketchy to let Roxas bring them home, after being knocked out in such a manner and with a blur of new memories at the front of his mind. 

But Roxas stepped through it just fine. His hood was draped over his head, giving way to only tired, blue eyes and a small frown. The chains rattled on his chest and he leaned forward to keep himself from falling. He still wasn’t fully healed, and he may not have been for some time.

The tip of his boot snagged a crack in the cement, throwing off his already shaken balance. Roxas’ eyes popped open and he started falling forward, the hood over his head slipping onto his back and exposing his frightened face. Fortunate that Ventus had walked through the portal first, his armored frame caught Roxas’ against his chest and kept his friend from face planting against the stone.

Roxas’ body fell limp against Ventus. The latter, who nearly shrieked at the sight, kept his arms around Roxas and held him up. Roxas’ head was resting over Ven’s shoulder, eyes staring at the ground beneath him and Ventus. A bandage still resting over his skin to help a new scar heal. 

“Yeah, no, I was wrong,” Ventus hauled his friend up as he started to slip back down to the concrete. “You’re hurt more than you told Aqua. I’ll tell her when she gets here.” 

Ventus sighed and shifted his arms around. He pulled Roxas’ left arm over his shoulder and kept one hand around his friend’s back, already starting to drag him towards the castle. Roxas didn’t seem entirely conscious, but as Ventus started walking, he tried to pick up his feet and walk with him.

Ventus kept his eyes on the doors of the castle, stepping up the stairs one at a time. Roxas’ head lolled around aimlessly next to him, as if he were still passed out. But if Ventus glanced over, he could see Roxas blinking and taking deep breaths, brows furrowed with a frown planted on his face.

He looked back towards the doors, already nearing the last step. “You feeling okay, besides that?”

“No…” 

That much probably should’ve been obvious. A concussion alone doesn’t feel good. Whatever else was bothering him didn’t help. 

“What’s wrong?”

“I hurt Vanitas…”

Ventus almost stopped in his tracks, hesitating to take the next step up. But he kept going. He let go of Roxas’ arm over his shoulder, letting the Nobody lean his whole weight into Ventus instead. He reached forward and pushed the doors open with one simple nudge. Such was the benefit of living in a magically-imbued castle.

“He’s fine, I’m sure. Don’t worry about him right now,” Ventus tried to reassure. But looking once again at Roxas, he could tell his words had little effect. 

“I can’t stop worryinaboudim...”

Roxas’ words were slurring again, but he wasn’t impossible to understand. Ventus kept dragging his body along the hallway and towards the staircases at the very back of the corridor. The clanks of Ventus’ armor echoed around them. The hall was dark with no practical light source. It was almost hard to see where the tiles ended and the staircase began.

“That’s kind of you to worry about him, really,” Ventus pulled Roxas a little more over his shoulder. “But he’s fine. You saw Aqua treating him, she said that whatever happened had passed.” 

“That’s not what I mean…” Roxas mumbled out. His shoes bumped each step as Ventus climbed the stairs. “I can’t stop thinking about it.”

The older of the two kept his silence. Perhaps he didn’t quite understand yet.

“I shouldn’t care as much as I do,” his eyes flicked across each step as they climbed. “He’s the one that tried to-”

Roxas’ breath hitched. That still haunted him. What happened on that beach, and what he’d almost done in Radiant Garden. Just trying to say anything about it pressed down on his heart and started rejuvenating a deep-rooted fear in him. Something he thought he’d gotten over when his heart sprung free from Sora’s and he was finally given a body of his own again. When he would no longer be confined to another person’s soul. 

Alas, that was an unfortunate lie. Vanitas had no regrets for his volatile actions against Roxas. He’d hardly issued an apology. 

“You don’t have to tell me, I know what he did,” Ventus kept talking, noting how much Roxas was struggling to speak. “And I’m sorry, I really am. I wish I’d known better then.” 

In a way, it was Ventus’ fault what happened. If he’d stopped Roxas from running off to Radiant Garden in the first place, he never would’ve ended up in the Realm of Darkness. If Ven and Sora had never fought Vanitas in the graveyard, he wouldn’t have been there to grab hold of Roxas’ body. And if he hadn’t been so weak all those years ago, Vanitas would never have…

The doors to the west wing were propped open and closed as Ven tugged his friend up the stairs. Ventus did most of the lifting, Roxas’ boots hardly attempting to step on each stair and scraping over the edges. It wasn’t helped by his armor, which was heavy enough on its own. 

A part of him wanted to tell Roxas to at least try to help make this easier. But another knew too well that he’d be asking too much. His friend had already taken a beating today, both physical and emotionally. Slamming his head into a broken chandelier and having been forced to relive dangerously painful memories was more than enough for one day. He deserved a reprieve, even if brief. 

Roxas’ room was lit from the gentle moon outside his window. Frost edged the glass and gave the room chills that he didn’t think possible, even if covered in his armor. 

Dragging his twin to the bed was easier said than done, with Roxas’ shoes scraping across the floor and his body slowly dozing off. Ventus shook him as he pulled, saying, “Don’t fall asleep yet.”

Roxas gave no verbal reply, but his head nodded, which was indication enough that he heard and understood Ven. 

He gently dumped Roxas onto the bed, letting him find his place before letting go entirely. Roxas leaned against the soft mattress, then practically fell into it. His eyes shut and he groaned.

“I’ll go get Aqua as soon as she gets home. For now, just rest,” Ven folded his arms over each other. Roxas lazily blinked twice, throwing a glance at Ven, before turning his eyes back to whatever else was on his mind.

Just a few days ago, he’d been so resolute in helping Ventus remember everything, even if it meant he’d suffered the consequences. But now he appeared utterly drained. It could’ve just been the awful beating he’d had from the Nobodies and whatever darkness possessed Vanitas. But that hopeful attitude seemed bleak now. 

Aqua had ordered that Vanitas be taken back home through anything but a dark portal. Ready as she was to give that same order to Roxas, she thought it better to keep the two separated. Vanitas’ prey had been Roxas during his previous outburst. If they couldn’t contain it a second time, with the Nobody in such a weak state now, there’d be no protecting him.

After he’d come back from his venture in past memories, Roxas only stayed conscious for a few minutes before he was falling over. Even Naminé’s safe return was not enough to move him back to full recovery. Rather when he saw his dear friend walk through the door of the mansion with Kairi and Xion by her side, he tripped on his own feet trying to run up to her.

Roxas was sent home, even if his method of travel was still risky at best. The only thing that made Aqua agree in the first place was when Ventus swore he wouldn’t let anything happen. 

But something had already happened. Whatever Roxas saw had much more drastic effects than anything before. He’d almost always been willing to share what hazy details he could remember from the dreams and the memories that he glimpsed. But this time, even when Ventus had asked him about it, Roxas didn’t say a thing. 

Ventus kept staring at his friend. He couldn’t keep to himself and finally spoke up:

“So what else happened?”

Roxas hardly moved, much less spoke.

“You’ve never been quiet about this before. Was it really that bad?”

Roxas kept to himself for a moment, but only a moment. As if pondering the words in his head before he dared to speak them.

“It’s nothing to do with the memories.”

Ventus blinked twice. He wasn’t expecting that answer. “Then what is it?”

“Vanitas tried to hurt me,” Roxas mumbled.

“Well...yes, he did.”

“But I’m not worried about myself at all.”

Ven’s eyes narrowed. 

“Why am I only worried about him?” Roxas’ fingers curled into his hand. “After everything that he did?”

“I don’t know…”

Roxas started to move again, trying to sit upright. His palms pressed against the mattress and he leaned backwards. Still shaky and tired, but he managed it all on his own.

“Is it...what I did for him?” He lifted up a palm and clutched at the front of his coat. “Or what he did to me?”

Ventus knew exactly what he meant. Had his and Vanitas’ union, albeit temporary, truly caused this kind of change? It could explain why Roxas seemed to get over it so fast, or even why he put up with Vanitas at all. It may even explain why Vanitas was suddenly so willing to follow him and Ventus around, or help them with anything. 

But the implications of such were harrowing to think of. Roxas was already tempered by his connection to Sora, and now this connection to Ventus. The boy has never truly been just himself. He’s always had bits and pieces of others in there, to influence his choices or pass along certain traits. Maybe even to store memories or keep pieces of a heart safe while it was still recovering. 

He’d hardly ever known what it is to be himself. The one thing he must’ve yearned for more than anything, yet bound from him by the cruel fetters of fate.

If it truly was that connection between him and Vanitas that was turning his decisions or guiding his choices, what would that mean for him and Ventus? The two must’ve shared a similar connection. How would that have-

Ventus shook his head. No, that’s not it. Roxas isn’t bound by other people like he used to be. He may still be Sora’s Nobody, but he has his own heart, his own body. He isn’t anyone besides himself. 

Ventus would’ve preferred to remember what was said of Roxas and Vanitas’ first meeting, on those dark shores. When Vanitas was drifting away and Roxas refused to let him go.

“I doubt it,” Ventus muttered. “You were there at his side before any of that happened.”

Roxas looked to his friend once, then back down at the floor beneath his boots.

“You didn’t care that it was Vanitas who was on that beach. You just wanted to keep him company, maybe even help him in whatever way you could,” Ven offered a smile. “You’re willing to put other people before your own needs. That’s just the kind of person you are.”

As much as he hoped the words would be of comfort to Roxas, Ven wasn’t entirely sure it worked. His twin kept staring at the ground, deep blue eyes staring at nothing but the dead air between them. 

Roxas took a deep breath in and let it out slowly, “Unless there’s-”

Before he could say another word, an armored hand landed on his left shoulder and pulled him away from his thoughts. Roxas looked up to meet Ven’s gaze, who looked a bit more frustrated than before.

“You’re still you, Roxas,” Ventus gave him a shake, pulling his fleeting thoughts out of whatever dark tangent they were going on. “Nothing is going to change that. What you did for Vanitas was your own choice. You could’ve let Terra take care of everything, and then we wouldn’t have Vanitas here at the castle with us.” 

Roxas kept staring, already recalling that day. The darkness had been tugging on his very soul. But as soon as he saw Vanitas’ disheveled body, the darkness pouring out of his shattered heart... Suddenly it didn’t matter that Roxas was about to turn into a Heartless. The only thing he cared about was to give any comfort he could to the dying boy.

“You chose to help Vanitas. And I know, it didn’t have much pay-off...but you saved his life. That was all you, Roxas. Nobody else.”

I did save him… That was a choice that I made. 

Roxas lowered his head, closing his eyes and taking another, much needed breath of air. As he exhaled, the smallest smirk appeared on his face. “Alright,” he mumbled. “True enough.”

Ventus felt relief flutter through his chest. He stepped away from Roxas, letting his friend have a little breathing room. 

Roxas looked again at Ven, but not at his friend’s face. Rather what he was wearing.

“...You have armor?” Roxas mumbled as he looked Ven up and down.

And just as he was regaining hope for Roxas’ wellbeing, Ven felt that hope shatter. Ventus stared at his friend, unsure of how to respond. He glanced down at his attire once, then back at Roxas’ baffled expression. “You KNOW I have armor.”

“I do?”

Ven’s shoulders drooped and his eyes narrowed. “Oh my-” He sighed in such an overly exasperated way. “Alright, I’m healing you myself.” 

[lovemesomesurveys]

Have you ever sold anything online either on Craigslist, eBay, Amazon, etc.? If not, what is your website of choice like any of the above for buying things? No, I’ve never sold anything. I like shopping on Amazon, Etsy, and Ebay as far as those kinds of websites go. If the opportunity arose, would you ever go to a nude beach? Do you think you’d be comfortable enough, being naked among others like that? Absolutely not. I’m not comfortable naked, and I most definitely wouldn’t be naked in public. I’m waaaaaay too self-conscious. I don’t even wear bikinis or any kind of swimsuit. I also have no interest in seeing other people naked. You do you, boo, but it’s not my thing.  What was the last book you read? What about the book drew you to want to read it (plot, title, cover…)? Did you end up liking it? I recently finished a trilogy (The Jack Ryder Mystery Series). Well, what I thought was a trilogy but I discovered there’s actually 3 more. I’m about to start the 4th. I read a few other books by the author and enjoyed them and the description of the first book caught my interest. I was hooked after the first one and had to keep going to see what happened. Have you ever considered keeping a dream journal? If you have one, have you ever looked back on it at all of the odd/interesting dreams you used to have? I thought about it before, but I’ve never done it. I very rarely remember my dreams. I generally forget them soon after I wake up or just remember random bits of it. Do you think regifting is cheap, or is it okay? Have you ever regifted before? I mean, I’ve been given gifts that weren’t really my thing, but I knew someone else would really enjoy them so I gave it to them. I’ll tell them, though. I’ll be like, “Hey, so I got this but I already have it/it’s not really my thing, personally, but I know you like them so I thought you might be interested” or something like that.

How often do you wash your hair? What do you think when you hear of some people not washing their hair for weeks at a time? Is it healthier, as they claim? I wash my hair 3-4 times a week. Weeks would be too long, but I think a few times a week is fine. I also dye my hair, so it’s best not to wash it too often.  Do you think President Obama should stay in office, or is it time for a new president? It’s time for our current president to be out of office. In general, do you like/get along with your mother’s or your father’s side of the family more? I get along well with both sides. Have you ever seen an animal give birth? Have you ever had a pet give birth before? Not in person, no. What do your plans usually consist of on Christmas morning? Are they the same this year? We get up early and sit in the living room while my brother passes out the presents and then when they’ve all been passed out we start opening them. We like showing each other what we got as we go. When we’re done, we mess around with some of the stuff for awhile. Christmastime this year is going to be weird given how this year has been. :( Do you like iPads/tablets or laptops more? E-readers or books? Laptops. I do a lot of my reading on the Kindle app on my phone, honestly. I have access to tons of books and it’s just really convenient. If you don’t get much snow where you live, do you wish you did get more snow? If you do get snow where you live, do you get a lot? Do you like snow? It doesn’t snow here at all, but I wish it did. If men could get pregnant too, would abortion still be as big an issue as it is? Yes. It’s still abortion and people have strong opinions about it.  What is something you want to try to accomplish within the next year? I don’t know. Have you ever had to “come out” to your parents about anything (sexual orientation, change in religion, etc.)? How did it go? No. Do you ever get drunk by yourself? No. I don’t drink. Has there ever been a time where you’ve forgotten something extremely important? Yeah. What’s the most unusual kind of pizza you’ve ever tried? Nothing unusual. If you were given the chance to decorate an entire house the way you wanted, with no limit to cost, how would you decorate it? I don’t have the creativity for that. Like, I’d have some ideas and certain things I’d definitely want to have, but I wouldn’t know how to go about decorating an entire house.  If you could have any kind of lava lamp, what kind would you have? Nah. What movie do you know by heart? There’s several. Has there ever been a time where you thought you were going to be great friends with someone, but it just never happened? Yes. What’s one of your favorite things to touch/feel? Something soft or furry, like my faux fur throw blanket. How often do you wear tights? I haven’t worn tights in years. I wear leggings everyday, though. If you had to choose, what’s the most important thing in your life at the moment? My faith, family, and health. Do you have Netflix? Yep. Has there ever been anything you’ve become interested in much later than other people? Yeah. Like with TV shows or movies, for example. Why is your favorite TV show your favorite? I have a lot of favorite TV shows. Describe your favorite picture of yourself, or post it. My baby photos. Is there a genre of music that some people would be surprised that you enjoy? I don’t think so. Assuming you have a Facebook, if one of your friends posted things that annoyed you, would you be more likely to delete them as a friend, hide their statuses, or just put up with it? I’d just hide their posts. I think you can like “mute” people or something like that on Facebook. Have you ever had a veggie burger? I had one once several years ago. Do you like candles? I wish I were into them cause they’re aesthetically pleasing and relaxing, but I’m not. What’s your favorite video game? Mario Bros everythijng. What was something you liked about today? It’s only 4:43 in the morning. Ask me later. When was the last time you passed out? Never. Do you think “friends with benefits” relationships could ever possibly work without anyone getting hurt? Not from my experience and many stories I’ve heard from other people. Someone catches feelings or you’re not on the same page and someone/both get hurt. It’s just too messy. Do you wear more sweatshirts or jackets? Sweatshirts. What was the last thing you had to drink? Starbucks Doubleshot energy drink. When was the last time you wore a sports bra? Never. When was the last time you went to a waterpark? I don’t do waterparks.  Does your best friend live close to you? My best friend is my mom, who I live with. Have you ever rode a train? Nope. Where did you get the shirt you’re currently wearing? The UC I went to. When was the last time you played Rock Band? With whom? I’ve never played Rock Band, but I loved playing Guitar Hero back in the day. I want to play! What was the last thing that you ate? Ramen. Who last messaged you on Facebook? My aunt. What were you doing Saturday at 1:30 pm? Sleeping. The last time you were intoxicated, what were you drinking? I think it was Jack and Coke. It was 7 yeas ago, so *shrug* Who last walked you home? When I was 19-early 20s I had a friend who lived like 10-15 minutes away walking distance and she and I walked around a lot to nearby coffeeshops and restaurants before she got her license. And to each other’s houses. Anyway, there were times she walked me home. What do you do to help your face from breaking out? I don’t do anything, honestly. Thankfully, acne just stopped being an issue for me when I got older. Apart from a couple pimples every now and then. Did you make any new friends lately? If so, what are their names and how did you meet them? Nope. Would you rather see your favourite band/artist in concert with 2 other people or have a free $20,000 shopping spree to Walmart? I’d take the concert for sure. I haven’t been to one in over 10 years, I miss concerts! Who knows when we’ll have any concerts again now. :( When was the last time you went out to eat? Back in early February. On a scale of 1-10, how anxious are you currently? At this current moment, like a 4. What kind of music do you listen to? I like variety. Various genres and artists across decades. What does your perfect day consist of? A day at the beach. Do you have any online friends? We have an awesome little survey community on here. I read your survey answers and I root for you. I want the best for you guys.  Would you dye your hair red? I do. I’ve been dyeing my hair red for 5 years. If your ex wanted to take you back, would you say yes? Nope. How is the weather? Right now it’s 57 F.

[impala666]

Sunrise, Sunset: Smallville!Clark Kent x reader

Request: Can you do a Smallville!Clark Kent x reader where they both spend time with each other on the Kent farm then watch the sunset?

It had been the best day of summer yet. Coming next fall both you and Clark would be heading off to college; Clark would be staying in Smallville and going to community college so that he could stay close to his parents and help out with the farm. While you would be going to MetU. You never thought that you would be accepted there given your academic troubles all throughout school, you were never a bad student. You just had a hard time grasping certain concepts. Today Clark made sure to give you a summer day that you would never forget, and that you could look back on as you were missing him while you were away. You had gone swimming at Crater Lake and had a picnic, the both of you had even gotten the entire beach to yourselves. Then you both just drove around in Clark’s parents red pick-up truck that you loved so much; the two of you drove hand in hand taking in the sights of Smallville that the both of you had seen many, many times before. The radio wasn’t even on, all you ever really needed was each other’s company. The last thing that you remembered was watching a movie in the Kent’s living room after getting coffee at The Talon. Clark and you were watching Cowboy’s Vs. Alien’s which you always found funny that Clark liked it because he was practically a cowboy that was an alien.  But when your eyelids fluttered open, you were alone, however you could have sworn that when you fell asleep Clark’s arms were around you and your head was on his chest despite how hot it was outside. When you looked around the Kent house, nobody was inside. That must mean that Martha was at The Talon working, and Jonathan must have been either working outside or visiting his wife. You got up from the couch and made your way out of the back door to scan the farmland to see if you could spot your boyfriend. Then you found him, there he was lifting bales of hay into the cow feeding things like it was nothing, he could even lift 2 at the same time. Whenever you looked at him, you never saw the alien or difference that you supposed other people you see. To you, he was just Clark Kent, the boy you loved since Freshman year, and turned into your man that you loved even more. You decided to not bother him and to let him do his chores, so you made your way over the gravel and into the barn. Once you made your way up to the steps into Clark’s loft, you walked over to the telescope and used it to zoom in on Clark. He was so beautiful to you, he was your superman. After you managed to pull your gaze away from the handsome farm boy, that was also the hero of Smallville. Your eyes didn’t stray too far, they got caught by the beautiful landscape of endless prairieland after prairieland. Behind that the sun was going down on the horizon, making the sun look as orange as a tangerine. You inhaled a deep breath, but it came out as a disappointed sigh; you didn’t know whether this was going to be your last sunset on the Kent farm. Although you sincerely hoped not. You loved the Kent farm more than the farm you owned just next door; they had bigger land than your father did and they had animals. If you had to be honest, you weren’t sure if you had the heart to leave this place, and it wasn’t even yours. You bent down to take a look into the telescope to see how Clark was coming along with his chores, but once your vision became clear through the tiny hole he wasn’t there. What the hell? You furrowed your eyebrows as you stepped back with confusion. “Looks like someone’s finally awake,” Clark’s voice said from behind you. Making you jump and shriek out of surprise. “Jesus, Clark,” you scolded as you pressed a hand to your chest to try and steady your increased heart beat. “Are you trying to give me a heart attack!?” You turned to face him and give him a look of anger. “Sorry,” Clark chuckled as he walked closer to you and put his hands up in fake surrender. “I didn’t mean to scare you.” Clark placed a large delicate hand on your elbow to try and calm you down. “You think you’re so funny,” you rolled your eyes at him. The light from the setting sun was making Clark’s already tan skin from hours of farming, glow. You smiled at him, but then forced yourself to turn away from him and walk to the opening of the barn to look over the world that seems to be in the palm of your hand. You had to turn away from him before you did something that you probably should never do in the barn again. Last time, Mr. Kent caught the two of you and that was enough embarrassment to tell you that Clark and you should have never done that. “I think I’m hilarious,” Clark’s comment made you smile. But when your mind started to wander to what you were thinking about just a couple of minutes ago, your smile fell. “The last time I saw you, you were asleep on the couch.” Clark walked and stopped so that he was standing next to you in front of his favorite view in all of Smallville. “What made you come up here?” “When I woke up I saw you doing work so I came up here to wait for you,” you glanced at him before looking back at the sunset. “Then I started thinking and watching the sunset, all of a sudden I was getting lost in thought. But then you scared me half to death,” you told him everything that was going through your mind. “You know, you’d always told me that this was your favorite thinking place, and I think that I have to agree with you. It’s just something about the quiet, the view, and the smell of hay that really makes you wonder.”“What’re you thinking about?” Clark walked right behind you and safely and securely wrapped his arms around to your front and rest on your lower stomach, you leaned back against Clark’s chest, and he pressed a loving kiss to the side of your head. “About how I’m leaving in a couple of months to a future that I’m not sure what holds,” you shrugged. You never really liked to be open and vulnerable about your feelings, but around Clark you were able to. Even though you still felt awkward about it. “Also that this might be one of my last sunsets on this farm with you.”“It doesn’t have to be, I know it’s scary that you’ll be away from home and the people that you love. But you’re always a quick run away and I can get you here within 10 minutes.” Clark leaned his head against yours and gently rocked the both of you from side to side. “I know, but you never know what’s going to happen. I mean you’ll be here and I’ll be far away. Long distance relationships don’t always work out. I’m just afraid that I’m going to lose you.” You turned around, reached on your tiptoes, and wrapped your arms around Clark’s neck. Clark reciprocated and wrapped his own arms tight around your waist.   “You shouldn’t be,” he whispered to reassure you. “I know, it’s just...you are like a second home to me. And if I lost you, I’m not sure what I would do.” You couldn’t help the tears that were starting to pool in your eyes despite all of your efforts of trying to keep them at bay. “Okay, I’m going to make you a promise,” Clark looked you dead in the eye. “I swear to you, that even if this doesn’t work out, not that I’m saying it won’t. I promise you that if something happens, we will stay best friends, just like we were when we started this relationship. Because believe it or not, I don’t want to lose you either. That way we can still be around each other. But just so you know, I don’t plan on giving this up just yet.” Clark’s words made your tears well up just a little bit more. Because he was so tall, you had to stand on the very top of your toes in order for you to press your lips to his. The kiss lasted for quite a few minutes, with your hands running through Clark’s dark and shaggy hair, and Clark grasping tight onto both sides of your waist. “I love you,” you whispered when you pulled back, and hung off of his neck. “I love you, too.” Clark kissed you again before he carefully placed your feet back on the barn floor. Without thinking, you thought Clark still had chores to do, so you started to walk away. But before you could get very far Clark’s hands softly tugged on yours, causing you to turn back and look at him with curiosity. “What’re you doing?” “Uh, I thought I was going home, you have chores.” You thought that it was a fact you both knew. “I thought you wanted to watch the sunset?” Clark brightly smiled. “Don’t you have chores or something like that?” You crossed your arms over your chest and walked back over to him. “I can do them later,” Clark shrugged, “come here.” Clark whispered, his hand reached out for your hand. Once he had you in his grasp, he took you in the same position as earlier. Holding you from behind as the both of you stared at the setting sun. As you leaned against Clark’s chest and took in his warmth, you smiled so much that your cheeks hurt. As you watched the sun go down, you realized that everything was going to be just fine. There was nothing that Clark and you couldn’t get passed together, as a team.

Sorry for the bad formatting, I’ll try to fix it later! 

[frankiefellinlove]

Bruce's eulogy for the BIG MAN:

I've been sitting here listening to everyone talk about Clarence and staring at that photo of the two of us right there. It's a picture of Scooter and The Big Man, people who we were sometimes. As you can see in this particular photo, Clarence is admiring his muscles and I'm pretending to be nonchalant while leaning upon him. I leaned on Clarence a lot; I made a career out of it in some ways.´´

´´Those of us who shared Clarence's life, shared with him his love and his confusion. Though "C" mellowed with age, he was always a wild and unpredictable ride. Today I see his sons Nicky, Chuck, Christopher and Jarod sitting here and I see in them the reflection of a lot of C's qualities. I see his light, his darkness, his sweetness, his roughness, his gentleness, his anger, his brilliance, his handsomeness, and his goodness. But, as you boys know your pop was a not a day at the beach. "C" lived a life where he did what he wanted to do and he let the chips, human and otherwise, fall where they may. Like a lot of us your pop was capable of great magic and also of making quite an amazing mess. This was just the nature of your daddy and my beautiful friend. Clarence's unconditional love, which was very real, came with a lot of conditions. Your pop was a major project and always a work in progress. "C" never approached anything linearly, life never proceeded in a straight line. He never went A… B…. C…. D. It was always A… J…. C…. Z… Q… I….! That was the way Clarence lived and made his way through the world. I know that can lead to a lot of confusion and hurt, but your father also carried a lot of love with him, and I know he loved each of you very very dearly.´´

´´It took a village to take care of Clarence Clemons. Tina, I'm so glad you're here. Thank you for taking care of my friend, for loving him. Victoria, you've been a loving, kind and caring wife to Clarence and you made a huge difference in his life at a time when the going was not always easy. To all of "C's" vast support network, names too numerous to mention, you know who you are and we thank you. Your rewards await you at the pearly gates. My pal was a tough act but he brought things into your life that were unique and when he turned on that love light, it illuminated your world. I was lucky enough to stand in that light for almost 40 years, near Clarence's heart, in the Temple of Soul.´´

´´So a little bit of history: from the early days when Clarence and I traveled together, we'd pull up to the evening's lodgings and within minutes "C" would transform his room into a world of his own. Out came the colored scarves to be draped over the lamps, the scented candles, the incense, the patchouli oil, the herbs, the music, the day would be banished, entertainment would come and go, and Clarence the Shaman would reign and work his magic, night after night. Clarence's ability to enjoy Clarence was incredible. By 69, he'd had a good run, because he'd already lived about 10 lives, 690 years in the life of an average man. Every night, in every place, the magic came flying out of C's suitcase. As soon as success allowed, his dressing room would take on the same trappings as his hotel room until a visit there was like a trip to a sovereign nation that had just struck huge oil reserves. "C" always knew how to live. Long before Prince was out of his diapers, an air of raunchy mysticism ruled in the Big Man's world. I'd wander in from my dressing room, which contained several fine couches and some athletic lockers, and wonder what I was doing wrong! Somewhere along the way all of this was christened the Temple of Soul; and "C" presided smilingly over its secrets, and its pleasures. Being allowed admittance to the Temple's wonders was a lovely thing.´´

´´As a young child my son Sam became enchanted with the Big Man… no surprise. To a child Clarence was a towering fairy tale figure, out of some very exotic storybook. He was a dreadlocked giant, with great hands and a deep mellifluous voice sugared with kindness and regard. And… to Sammy, who was just a little white boy, he was deeply and mysteriously black. In Sammy's eyes, "C" must have appeared as all of the African continent, shot through with American cool, rolled into one welcoming and loving figure. So… Sammy decided to pass on my work shirts and became fascinated by Clarence's suits and his royal robes. He declined a seat in dad's van and opted for "C's" stretch limousine, sitting by his side on the slow cruise to the show. He decided dinner in front of the hometown locker just wouldn't do, and he'd saunter up the hall and disappear into the Temple of Soul.´´

´´Of course, also enchanted was Sam's dad, from the first time I saw my pal striding out of the shadows of a half empty bar in Asbury Park, a path opening up before him; here comes my brother, here comes my sax man, my inspiration, my partner, my lifelong friend. Standing next to Clarence was like standing next to the baddest ass on the planet. You were proud, you were strong, you were excited and laughing with what might happen, with what together, you might be able to do. You felt like no matter what the day or the night brought, nothing was going to touch you. Clarence could be fragile but he also emanated power and safety, and in some funny way we became each other's protectors; I think perhaps I protected "C" from a world where it still wasn't so easy to be big and black. Racism was ever present and over the years together, we saw it. Clarence's celebrity and size did not make him immune. I think perhaps "C" protected me from a world where it wasn't always so easy to be an insecure, weird and skinny white boy either. But, standing together we were badass, on any given night, on our turf, some of the baddest asses on the planet. We were united, we were strong, we were righteous, we were unmovable, we were funny, we were corny as hell and as serious as death itself. And we were coming to your town to shake you and to wake you up. Together, we told an older, richer story about the possibilities of friendship that transcended those I'd written in my songs and in my music. Clarence carried it in his heart. It was a story where the Scooter and the Big Man not only busted the city in half, but we kicked ass and remade the city, shaping it into the kind of place where our friendship would not be such an anomaly. And that… that's what I'm gonna miss. The chance to renew that vow and double down on that story on a nightly basis, because that is something, that is the thing that we did together… the two of us. Clarence was big, and he made me feel, and think, and love, and dream big. How big was the Big Man? Too fucking big to die. And that's just the facts. You can put it on his grave stone, you can tattoo it over your heart. Accept it… it's the New World.´´

´´Clarence doesn't leave the E Street Band when he dies. He leaves when we die.´´

´´So, I'll miss my friend, his sax, the force of nature his sound was, his glory, his foolishness, his accomplishments, his face, his hands, his humor, his skin, his noise, his confusion, his power, his peace. But his love and his story, the story that he gave me, that he whispered in my ear, that he allowed me to tell… and that he gave to you… is gonna carry on. I'm no mystic, but the undertow, the mystery and power of Clarence and my friendship leads me to believe we must have stood together in other, older times, along other rivers, in other cities, in other fields, doing our modest version of god's work… work that's still unfinished. So I won't say goodbye to my brother, I'll simply say, see you in the next life, further on up the road, where we will once again pick up that work, and get it done.´´

´´Big Man, thank you for your kindness, your strength, your dedication, your work, your story. Thanks for the miracle… and for letting a little white boy slip through the side door of the Temple of Soul.´´

´´SO LADIES AND GENTLEMAN… ALWAYS LAST, BUT NEVER LEAST. LET'S HEAR IT FOR THE MASTER OF DISASTER, the BIG KAHUNA, the MAN WITH A PHD IN SAXUAL HEALING, the DUKE OF PADUCAH, the KING OF THE WORLD, LOOK OUT OBAMA! THE NEXT BLACK PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES EVEN THOUGH HE'S DEAD… YOU WISH YOU COULD BE LIKE HIM BUT YOU CAN'T! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE BIGGEST MAN YOU'VE EVER SEEN!… GIVE ME A C-L-A-R-E-N-C-E. WHAT'S THAT SPELL? CLARENCE! WHAT'S THAT SPELL? CLARENCE! WHAT'S THAT SPELL? CLARENCE! … amen.´´

´´I'm gonna leave you today with a quote from the Big Man himself, which he shared on the plane ride home from Buffalo, the last show of the last tour. As we celebrated in the front cabin congratulating one another and telling tales of the many epic shows, rocking nights and good times we'd shared, "C" sat quietly, taking it all in, then he raised his glass, smiled and said to all gathered, "This could be the start of something big."´´

´´Love you, "C".´´

[smolbeandrabbles]

Sway Pt.2 - Danny Rayburn x Reader (Bloodline)

Part 1 / Here / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6  / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10

Author’s Note: Well, well. Here we are. 1 season and 4 episodes of Bloodline down. And a bunch of canon that has killed several story ideas. But I’m likely to just scrap canon in favour of... When we get there. Sorry not sorry I was going to set this story much closer to the TV show, now I’m thinking like a 2 or 3 (or more...) year gap between this and the beginning of the show... (which I know goes against the canon of his restaurant, but c’est la vie... )

Disclaimer: I own nothing except the OCs! I have given your parents names just for story points I’m working on.... FYI...I will explain your heritage eventually!! It’s never explicitly stated if Danny actually turned up to the Keys a bunch of times before the show. Buuut Robert mentioned he came back for money, he at least had contact with John so... Essentially I think this is plausible. 

Premise: It’s been a few weeks since your encounter with Danny in his restaurant, your parents decided to take you on a weekend away to the Keys to see family friends... 

Word Count: 7159

Warnings: It’s Bloodline, so swearing... I think that’s it this part... Rayburn family Drama?

The Rhumba is a vertical expression of a horizontal wish. You have to hold her, like the skin on her thigh is your reason for living. Let her go, like your heart’s being ripped from your chest. Pull her back, like you’re gonna have your way with her… Right here on the dance floor. And then finish… Like she’s ruined you for life. ~ Shall We Dance, 2004

 I wanna love you inside out Show me what your inside 'bout I don't wanna know no word of mouth 'Cause I wanna love you inside out  Grew up in south South Miami That's where I was when you found me, yeah Thought you could go on without me Now you can't see you without me

Friday, AM – Overseas Highway, the Keys.

Since you had called him and gone out for drinks, things between you and Danny had been casual to say the least. You hadn’t hooked up again, yet, and you’d done drinks here and there… But… It wasn’t moving anywhere any time soon. Part of you felt that was because he wasn’t looking to move too fast; you’d been hesitant on calling him, what was to stop you being hesitant over everything else… Part of you, however, was scared that you might end up getting your wish of loving him and leaving him. Only, you wouldn’t be doing the leaving.

So this weekend, when your parents had invited you down to the Keys with them as they were seeing old family friends of theirs you were reluctant with going… If there was one weekend Danny could slip out of your fingers, it was this one; “So, my parents want me to go on holiday with them… I mean, it’s like a long weekend, but I’ll be back on Tuesday…” “No, no. That’s cool, I’ve got a busy weekend coming up anyway…” “OH!” you were taken aback, with another girl?, the fear was always at the back of your mind. It wasn’t that Danny seemed like the type… it was that he didn’t seem like NOT the type “Yeah, family stuff… A little like you I guess.”  You’d thought that was odd, Danny never talked about his family in a way that made you think he particularly liked them. So you wondered why he’d want to be doing things with them... But here you were, almost to your destination, on Islamorada. Your phone was resting in your lap; even one text from that number now would be a blessing. Anything to let you know he was thinking about you… Even though, you’d sworn to yourself you weren’t going to think about Danny for the whole weekend. But he was a whole lot to try and keep out of your head for four whole days.  You had rolled down the windows of your parents’ car, hand out the window, and the warm breeze pulled through your hair playfully. It was a lot more peaceful than Miami, and with a deep breath of that sea air you had to admit, you could already feel your cares rolling away.

Friday, AM - Rayburn House.

You stared at the sign in disbelief. Your parents were chatting away excitedly in the front seats; they had clearly been here before, you had not. You cursed yourself twice. Last time you’d done this you’d ended up at his restaurant and now….! “You’re going to LOVE it sweetheart.” “Massive house… Family still live there! Straight onto the beach… They even take boating trips Estrellita.” Essentially, your dad was trying to convince you that it would be the equivalent of taking your family yacht out. You weren’t sure of that. First you had to address the name issue. “Rayburn house? So… the family is…” “Sally and Robert Rayburn. Yes.” DAMMIT.  “And I’ve never met them because?”  “We’ve known them probably 12-ish years… You were far too cool to come on holiday with us at that point in your life.” “Oh, how times change…!” It could be completely coincidental – and you could prey that it was. Only, as you knew, Danny’s accent was very Keys. AND he’d already told you he was doing family related things this weekend.

You only half-reluctantly followed your parents around the porch to the back of the house, where (you presumed) Sally greeted them; “Jack! Maria! Oh my goodness it’s so good to see you!”  You were scanning the beach quickly, but got caught up in the view almost instantly. “Likewise! Robert out kayaking? Oh- Of course, this is our daughter Y/N!” “OH! Y/N! My goodness We’ve heard so much about you!” You accepted her hug, with a smile; “It’s nice to meet you…” you turned back to the view “This place is… gorgeous… I can’t believe I’ve never actually come here!” “Aw, Thank you! You can make up for it now!” Sally beamed as you glanced to your parents, “Clearly you two were going to keep this to yourselves!” Your dad simply laughed “Well you’re here! Aren’t you?!”  “And not a second too soon…” You looked back to the sunlight sparkling on the clear water and the white sugar sand… Not even your beloved Miami skyline could beat this one… “Well, Come, I’ll take you to your cabin…” Your father tugged your case away from you as your mother and Sally went off chatting, catching up on the past year at least. Your parents were always taking breaks by the Keys. This could only have been why…  “Go, enjoy it. I’ve got this.”  “…Gracias, Papa.” He gave you a gentle wink, and followed the two women to the cabin.  You slid your feet out of your sandals and walked tentatively down the steps into the sand. It wasn’t too hot yet, you knew that would change… You took another breath of that sea air and almost laughed to yourself. Keeping your eyes on the horizon as you walked across the sand to what looked like a beach bar. That seemed like it was you sorted for the next four days… You perched yourself on a stool and continued to look out to sea… It had always really fascinated you. But, this time it was like you’d finally got the perfect view of it…

It could have been 10 minutes, could have been an hour. But suddenly you felt a presence next to you; “What is it about you and nautical stripes!?” You visibly jumped at the sound of his voice, and turned to see another kind of blue entirely. He was of course referring to your dress today; denim blue with thin white stripes at irregular intervals.  “Aw, crumbs! I KNEW IT!” You put your hand over your heart to calm yourself down “As soon as I saw Rayburn House I knew it!” “Oh, well, it’s good to see you too Y/N… I appreciate that.” Danny Rayburn leant against the bar with a smile and obvious sarcasm; “Look, I’m not stalking you across Florida I swear!”  “Oh, well I wouldn’t mind that either… I mean I CAN understand…” He slid a drink across to you “Now, If I’ve memorized your drink order correctly, I’ve got that right.” “…Wait… How long have you been watching me?!” If he’d made you a drink you realised he hadn’t just seen you and walked over. “Not as long as you’ve been stalking me all the way out to the Keys, I imagine. What are you doing here anyway!?” You folded your arms and narrowed your eyes at him “My parents know your parents. Apparently!” “OH! Family friends! Well, my weekend just got better!” He hopped up onto the chair next to yours and leant towards you; “Maybe we were meant to meet…”  You pondered this for a second whilst you were taking a sip; it was 5 o’clock somewhere, you supposed. He’d got it surprisingly accurate but you weren’t about to tell him that; “…Wait, what are YOU doing here.” “Uh, sometimes I come down here to help out… Sometimes I just…” he hesitated and looked away from you for a minute “…The restaurant doesn’t exactly pay all the bills…” “Hence why you said, Family stuff.” “Yeah, but see, you never told me you were coming to the Keys! So we can actually DO something this weekend!! Cuz you’ll be here!”  You were about to mention taking out a boat when someone else approached you;

“Still into flirting with girls half your age, Danny!?” You turned to see a younger man, though still a few years older than you, blonde, built slightly bigger but with the same blue eyes as Danny.  “Kevin.” The exchange wasn’t friendly “No that’s not-” Kevin cut across him, this time addressing you “I’m sorry about this, it’s typical of my brother to be THIS unprofessional.” And then to Danny “She’s a guest, isn’t she!? Geez, I don’t know why mom lets you within 100 miles of this place! It’s always the Fuckin’ same!” “Kevin – hold the fuck up – this isn’t a problem! There’s no problem here!” Danny motioned between the two of you “Of course there fucking is! Wait until Dad comes back!” “Oh, using dad as a threat, that’s so fucking mature.” You were looking between the two of them wondering what you had got yourself into, their argument getting steadily louder when a third man showed up. “Will you two quiet down! For Godsake, there are other people around besides you!” Then he looked to you; “God, I’m so sorry! About BOTH my brothers.”  “…That’s… Ok?” Good to see you had finally found a voice; he glared at both Kevin and Danny, before coming back to you; “I’m John, Rayburn…You alright?” “Yeah. Fine!” You recognised his name immediately “Oh! You’re the cop.” He looked at least a little surprised; making you turn to Kevin “So you’re Kevin, who owns the marina, repair shop… thing…” you were sure that you’d got them the right way around. You turned back to John, seen as he’d been the first one to introduce himself; “I’m Y/N Ervin.” “OH! Jack and Maria’s daughter! Yeah, I just came from over there!” He took your hand and shook it, “It’s great to meet you, I’ve seen your parents around here many a time. Well, welcome to Islamorada!” He pointed to Danny, “This one is trouble, by the way! I’m sure your parents probably told you that.” “Oh no…! They never mentioned you guys, Danny is how I know who YOU two are.” “I told you there wasn’t a problem.” Danny turned back to Kevin “Wait, you know her!?” “Yeah, MAN, that’s what I’ve been trying to fuckin’ tell ya!” “Woah, woah, woah, okay…!” John moved himself strategically between the two, and attempted to steer Kevin away “Just, careful Danny, alright?!”  “He started it!” John sighed, and looked to you, as if to prove his point; “You know each other from Miami.” “Yes.” you answered in unison  “Alright, good, finally nice to meet one of Danny’s Miami friends…” “HA! Friends!” Kevin didn’t say it quite loud enough through his laugh, but you could tell Danny was thinking about retaliating. John could sense it too and pushed Kevin down the beach “Geez, Kevin, shut up!...I’ll take this one of your hands! Nice to meet you Y/N! See you later!  You watched them both go, quite unsure of what exactly had just happened, before turning back to Danny and his gorgeous blue eyes; “So are you?” “Am I what?” “Trouble?” You smirked, taking another sip of your drink “Shouldn’t you know?” You tipped your head and gave him big innocent eyes, “I don’t know. I could go for a bit of trouble…” And the smirk he gave you back let you know you were in for one hell of a weekend.

*

You were more than just a little impressed with the complex his parents owned and before the day was out you’d explored the surrounding area completely on foot. After Danny had seen to it that you’d finished the drink he made you, with that triumphant little smirk on his face that it must have been at least decent, he reluctantly headed off to do more work. You guessed that he wasn’t paid to do nothing! You’d been invited to dinner with the whole family on your final night here before your drive back. You were at least somewhat looking forward to that; but wondered if it would be as tense as the argument that had occurred earlier in the day. You and your parents decided to get dinner in the restaurant that night, although you knew they would head off to the market in the morning – your mom was like Danny in that she would rather cook than eat out. You only knew this because if you suggested dinner he’d always push it back to drinks or forward to lunch so you’d be forced to go to his restaurant. You wondered if there were any restaurants besides his own he’d actually frequent. Maybe you’d never know… And you didn’t dare suggest he come to your place and you cook for him.  Dinner was fine, and your parents were already completely absorbed in where they would take you whilst they had you down here and all their long weekend plans. You knew they were excited about you sharing a place they loved. You knew your weekend was mapped out, and that didn’t leave so much time for Danny… Only, there was to be a party on the beach Saturday.  From time to time another group of long-time holiday makers who knew your parents would stop by their table to greet them, and it was during one of these such stops that you felt someone staring at you… You could only guess who, looking up to see Danny eyeing you suspiciously from the dining room door. He leant across to pick up a menu from the holder and scanned it quickly – drumming his fingers absentmindedly against the door frame. He frowned for a second and gave a small shrug, before catching your eyes again. What, is he judging what I’m eating now!? He gave a chuckle before disappearing again; Oh come ON Danny! 

This continued throughout the meal, he’d walk past your table almost nonchalantly. Pretending he was ignoring you, even though he was blatantly staring you down the entire walk over. Once you turned as he passed to catch him turning back to look at you and you received a wink. Ignoring him was harder once you knew he was here, and you didn’t want to do it on purpose like you had at his restaurant, you wanted his eyes on you. When you knew they were you’d play him at his own game, sweeping your hair out of your face and tangling it in your fingers to expose more of your skin, you’d bite your lip shyly, smile a little more and laugh a little more; pulling at the dress you were wearing so it seemed to hug you tighter. You wanted to hold his attention here, and you got a little jealous every time something would pull his gaze from you.   Every time your eyes did meet his, his stare was so intense you couldn’t hold it. It made you wish you were here alone. It made you wish you were back in Miami, back on a dance floor in his arms… back in his apartment… or yours… He made you bite your lip for an entirely different reason. You can’t LOOK at me like that! Not here!

These seductive looks from both of you were unrelenting until your family left. But even then Danny wasn’t done, catching you all by the door; “Have a good night Mr & Mrs Ervin!” Then he put his eyes back on you and ran his tongue over his bottom lip, “…Y/N…” You felt yourself grow hot again as Evelyn’s deduction of the way Danny would undress you with his eyes popped back into your head. Only this time he was making it more than obvious to you that that was what he was doing. It almost juxtaposed your parent’s cheerful goodnight back. You stepped off the porch still locked in his hungry gaze… And you wanted it right there, you wanted him to come down here and relieve you of your dress and push you down into the sand and do whatever he damn well wanted to you. You’d never wanted a man as much as you wanted him right then. And it scared you.

Saturday, AM – Islamorada, Rayburn House, Beach.

You loved the sea, sun, that tangy salt air, and you loved driving, and you loved walking, dancing, running… All these things connected you to music. Music was your most treasured thing. From very young music was an association to everything you loved. Your parents had been competition dancers and your mother had not stopped when she had you. Some of your very earliest memories were of them dancing together to the most exquisite musical pieces. All you had ever wanted to find someone who was made for you as perfectly as they were made for each other; someone who would match you the way they always looked so flawless together on that dance floor. When you had decided to take yourself into the more corporate world, you figured that would always be a dream. You weren’t sure if that was still the case.

It was still early when you were crossing the sand again, it was still cool from the night before. You weren’t paying much attention to your surroundings, and even if you were, you had turned your music up so loud… Every song just made you want to get out on the dancefloor again. And that just made you yearn for tonight. Eventually as one song faded into another you heard someone yelling at you, and pulling out an ear piece you turned in the direction of none other than Danny, cigarette to his lips.  “ARE YOU DEAF OR WHAT!?!” You pointed at your ear phones “I have much better things to listen to than your voice.” He scoffed at that; clearly all that confidence and sass you had currently meant you were a morning person. In contrast to the deer-in-the-headlights innocence on your face last night at the way he had looked at you because he knew you knew damn well what he was doing. He knew you could play the game, but the second he had you right where he wanted you he realised you couldn’t actually resist him. And he already knew from the way your eyes betrayed you the way YOU felt about him. “What are you doing!? Do you know what time it is!” “I’m walking…! You’re working?” You put your hands on your hips, eyeing him suspiciously… was he working, or was he simply coming to act on last night? “Well, yeah, I was finished until you walked on through it.”  You looked down “OH! SHIT!” You looked back the way you had come, your footprints now a good portion of the way into the beach he’d spent his waking hours raking. “OH! GOD! Danny! I’m so sorry!” “Yeah yeah, well, I’m going to have to do it again now, aren’t I.”  You looked around, now stuck “Uh! How do I get out! I guess I could just… Walk through my own footprints…” You were about to move when he held his hands out; “OH! God! NO don’t make it worse!! Hold on!” He put his half-finished cigarette out and strode towards you, around the outskirts of the area of the beach he’d finished, with a few large steps he crossed to you. Then without warning, scooped you up into his arms; causing you to shriek; “DANNY! OH! GOD!”  “Try not to wake EVERY guest up Y/N!!!” You started laughing along with him “Now hold on tight and I’ll try to get you across with minimal damage to the rest of my hard work, OK?” You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, clinging tightly to him, to which he made a satisfied hum;  “Y/N - if you’re going to hold me like this I might stand here all day…!” He surveyed the area “Ok… Hang on…” He tried his very best to follow his footprints back, and by the time he’d put you safely down on the soft sand again you were both nearly in stitches; “Oh! I feel terrible! Do you need any help!” You didn’t let him go as your feet touched the dunes “No! No! I wouldn’t make our guests do anything like that. You owe me a smoke, though! Also don’t want you taking any cuts of my pay check do I!?” His arms were also still around you, and he took advantage of this to attempt tickling you playfully, only making you laugh harder as you squirmed in his arms. “O-Kay! I get it!!!! I don’t want bruises before the party! Get off!” “OH-! Are you coming to that?!” He raised an eyebrow “Will I need to keep all the men on this island away from you, I wonder?!” “Oh come on. My parents are here…!” “And?” He smirked again and lowered his voice, dark and husky “Didn’t stop you last night…” You squinted “…Didn’t stop you either… Besides, of all the men on this island, I only want one of them.” “Oh, Darlin’, after your little display, I know that…” His eyes looked you over again, “Luckily for me, you are powerless to resist.” That only set you laughing again “Oh, Really, Mr.Rayburn?” “Why deny it to yourself?” “DANNY.” You both turned, and he instantly let you go. Both John and his father were standing on the porch. Both with nigh on unreadable expressions… Danny took a few steps away from you, creating a gap that forced you to let him go. He cleared his throat; “Well… Enjoy the rest of your day Miss.Ervin…” and with that he walked back to the house. Before he even got to the steps John was tugging his arm and hurriedly muttering something at him. You watched him go, a little hurt. What was that about? You knew Kevin had some kind of problem with him being around you that was at least kind of cleared up… But… did the rest of his family have a problem with it too? And, if so, why?

*

You caught John whilst they were setting up for the party, the sun was just on its decent – but nearly the whole family were already here to help; “John!” “Y/N!” He had this warm instantly trustworthy smile, you put a different kind of trust in him than you did Danny. No doubt you trusted the man you were intent on seeing. “…What’s up with you and Danny…?” “Nothin’… Why?” “Well, it’s just earlier…??” “Oh.” It clicked “No, it’s nothin’ don’t worry about it. How good friends are you guys?” “I guess I haven’t really known him that long…” weeks? It couldn’t have been any longer than around a month “He’s a good guy from what I can tell.” “No, yeah… Is it… friends?” His amused smile let you know what he really meant; You looked to the sand with a smile “Well, I guess you are the cop…” you made a shrug “…I don’t know. Yet.” “Well. I wasn’t wrong. Be careful. But…” He folded his arms “You seem like a smart girl. Just put some of those smarts into my brother, please, would ya?” He grinned “God knows he needs it!” Saturday, PM – Rayburn House Beach.

Once night fell and the music came up the party on the beach really started. You wondered if this was what your parents had really come for, as they were busy socialising with nearly everyone. That left you to make your own friends, as Danny seemed absent or at least elusive… It didn’t bother you once you’d met Meg, the Rayburn’s daughter – probably somewhere around your age - and her long-term boyfriend Marco; both of whom you instantly clicked with. Marco took instant interest in your heritage, and when Meg was off talking to others, he kept you company; lost in something else entirely in quick Spanish dialogue. You were playing it safe (and inkeeping with theme!) with Sangria, but a few glasses in allowed you to get a buzz. When Meg came back, she chided Marco for keeping you from meeting others and she dragged you off to some of her friends. 

That was the first time you noticed Danny, he was on the outskirts of the party – trying to look like he was a part of something he really wasn’t. He was watching everyone and sipping from his drink very occasionally. You were conscious that you were stuck between two different worlds right now. The Rayburns, this party, their family, the world they lived in down here in the Keys. And His… You finally caught his eye, and he offered you a smile to match the one you were giving him. You attempted to wave him over; hand still firmly in Meg’s as she kept you locked in a conversation with other young women. He seemed hesitant, but at your insistence he downed the rest of his drink, and began to make his way through the crowd. He was about half way over before he stopped; he hesitated again, and then backed up, and took another route but not towards you. You turned, both Kevin and Robert were around the party behind you… as was John and his family. Something was certainly going on…  Suddenly the DJ switched the tracks up and in unison you and Meg both yelled “Oh my God! I love this song!” She laughed “Alright, Miami girl, let’s see whatcha got!” She dragged you into the middle of the crowd and began dancing. You laughed suddenly; in the middle of all these people you didn’t know!? With your parents here!? Well, what was the difference between this and your ventures in Little Havana…? You picked up the rhythm on the next beat and suddenly you were right back in Miami, they didn’t know you in Islamorada – but they soon would. Song after song you gained confidence, the group of people at the party had almost completely stopped dancing around you and Meg, and those that were left were still watching the way that both of you moved. The music seemed to classically edge on the Spanish beats, it suited you and her (you guessed Marco’s influence) but you were wrapped up in your own movements. Still shy…  The problem was you knew what you wanted, and you knew he was here. Now you knew you finally had a King… You were lost without him. Still, you kept the attention of everyone else. The sway of your hips, the travel of your hands, every movement of your head – it all told a story. Or one half of a story; you were still searching desperately for him somewhere on this beach. You were a whole now, it might only have been one night but you realised you could never go back to dancing without him… Even with what you were doing now it was half-hearted…  The song switched up again and you had to literally face the music. It was the same one that had begun this crazy journey. And he wasn’t here. You were on the verge of giving up entirely, not this song. You could dance to anything but this song. You did in fact, pull out of the beat; but it didn’t last. 

He didn’t shock you. The familiarity of his embrace was instantly comforting. One hand on your waist he pulled you just close enough to be respectful in a dance that demanded him to be physical. His other hand took yours as he matched you step for step. You didn’t look at him right away; because you weren’t sure what you would see. If only you knew what he was really risking to hold you like this, but he couldn’t see you out on this floor alone, how you moved so beautifully but you were so sad – you were demanding to be held, but not just by anyone. By him. He sensed that, and compelled by his Queen he moved to you. This time, you knew he would let you lead him – he would respect your body, your boundaries, your parents. But he would do as the dance asked of him and hold you closer than he had ever held anyone, romance you on this dancefloor like you had been lovers for decades, Danny Rayburn knew you were everywhere and he liked you all over him – but he liked you in his heart more.  You moved effortlessly across the sand as if it was the polished wood of a studio. The others had evacuated the dancefloor pretty swiftly upon his entrance, and the ring around you afforded space Havana didn’t. He rocked his hips with yours, and you led him as if he’d never done this before; Danny was almost submissive to it, but every movement you made he copied flawlessly, like he knew your head; you felt he knew every movement you would make before you made it. He twisted you to face him and you were locked once again in his intense gaze; his hands running from your shoulders down your back, he was flirting dangerously on the edge of inappropriate and he didn’t care as you pulled yourself closer to him. The look in your eyes he wanted upon him for the rest of his life and as you locked one arm across his shoulders, you held him as strong as he held you. Still taken by his eyes you ran your other hand up from his stomach, to his chest – his heart was fast but steady enough to keep control – up his neck and through his hair. You were close enough to close that gap and kiss; but you would keep your power and deny that, this dance conveyed more than a kiss ever could. You embraced him as if he was your very heart and soul, and the look in his eyes let you know he was making love to you on this dancefloor. You could see nothing else but him. And you didn’t WANT to see anything else. However he saw himself, however his family saw him. Out on the dancefloor he was your King, and that was all that mattered.  The music wound down to quiet. To nothing. And both of you were breathing heavily. But you refused to let him go. He was smiling, and then he was laughing as the majority of those around you were applauding what they didn’t know they had just witnessed. So much more than just a dance, but admittance of how you both really felt… You didn’t have to say anything, both of you had clearly stated your position, betraying your feelings to each other as if you hadn’t already. But you had to voice it. “King and Queen of Little Havana… of a beach in the Keys…. Where next, Danny?” Sunday, Early AM – Islamorada. You woke from the night before in a way you had many a time. Though, you had to admit, not for a while. You didn’t think you’d crashed at your parents’ house after a party since your early 20s. “You don’t have to say anything. Just, drink this and take two of these!” “Ugh. Dad, I’m not that bad..!!” “Well, I remember many a time when…” “Yeah okay!” You sat up and took the glass of water with thanks and two tablets. When you both left the room, your mother was already cooking breakfast - and she gave you this knowing smile. “What?” She simply shook her head and turned to your father. They shared another look, you folded your arms, taking another sip of water and looking between them; “What?!” They did it again and then laughed. “Oh! Papa! Mama! Come on!” “Oh! Dios Mio Niña!” Your mother looked heavenward “what do you think!” She pointed the spoon at you “You have much to tell us!” You looked to your dad, who lent against the kitchenette counter with an expectant look. “...This is about Danny isn’t it.” Your father turned to your mother “Danny...!” He repeated with a heavy Argentine accent he often used in mocking “I knew it was the oldest Rayburn child!” She nodded “How did you meet?” You weren’t sure if they were quizzing you because they were interested or... something else... “He lives in Miami... I, urm, met him on a dancefloor in Little Havana...” This raised eyebrows. “Should I be concerned? What’s going on between you and the Rayburn man?” Your father folded his arms and leant towards you. You shook your head “He’s good to me. I don’t know what it is. But when we dance it’s just… magic… I know he’s older and… according to his family problematic but he treats me well…” You thought on it for another second “... he’s a good person... Danny’s a good person. I know it. I just don’t know him all that well yet... what do you know about him?!” As soon as you said that both your parents burst out laughing; “You hear that? She doesn’t know him!” “Ah! Dancing like that and she doesn’t know him?!”  You felt yourself get embarrassed as your father turned back to you to answer you seriously; “Danny Rayburn, aside from being the eldest son of Sally and Robert? Not a whole lot. If you didn’t know he existed... well, you likely wouldn’t know he existed.” 

“So...? You’re not...” mad..? “Is it a serious thing?” “I haven’t worked that one out yet…” You were at least honest, you didn’t know what you and Danny really were, although now you were fairly confident you both felt the same way. “Well it SHOULD be. The way you danced together last night. That is not the dance of two people who do not have chemistry… You can’t teach chemistry.” “W-wait, you, didn’t think it was…?!” “What I saw out there reminded me of your mother and I in our youth. We met on the dancefloor too you know. With a bit more precision, the two of you would own any floor you walked onto professional or no. He is a good partner, and you should make him more than that.” “…I thought you’d ask me not to… see him…” you felt guilty just thinking that, and looked to the tiled floor. “Should I be warning you to stay away from him?” Your father titled his head “with the chemistry you clearly have? Don’t get stupid thoughts into your head. You’re old enough to take care of yourself, your mother raised a smart daughter-” “Damn right I did.” “-if you want to make something with this man. Then I want you to know that we both support it. On the professional dancing circuit... well, that’s a different conversation!” He laughed at his own joke. “Anyway. We only wanted to ask you about him because we wanted to know if he would like to join us for dinner this evening?”  You stared at your mother in disbelief. “Sorry!?” “You heard me. Clear your head!!” She waved her spoon at you again. “You NEVER want to meet the boys I date!” “Aha-! They are dating!” Your father turned back to your mother and they shared another significant look before she hushed him; “Those corporates have nothing between their ears but facts and figures. And no rhythm... Look at this one though. Danny has much more about him! We would very much like to get to know him.” “What about his family? They don’t seem to like it...” “I will talk to his parents. You’re both adults, his family shouldn’t be getting involved. As for my name, eh. Press is press.” Your father shrugged, he seemed almost blasé about this. “Are you sure? I mean, he’s a chef. He owns a restaurant, so God knows if he will say yes...” It was like you were trying to prepare them for disappointment.  “He cooks! AH! Even better! I will have to make sure I am up to scratch!” Your mother beamed “Anyway! You haven’t answered! Will you ask him?” You felt yourself smile, and nod “Yes! Yes!! I... thank you!” You ran to them both and embraced them “I think he needs this... I really think Danny needs this!” “No doubt... that man needs a family Estrellita... give him one...” Your father kissed your forehead “You have always had a big heart. We only wanted you to find the right man to share it with...” “Danny Rayburn..?” “Trust me from experience, a work in progress is much more worthy of your time.” Your father turned to your mother with a warning look;  “There is nothing wrong with being a late bloomer!” You edged away from the conversation with a laugh “...I guess I should ask him as soon as possible... if things didn’t go awry after last night...” “Ask him right now.” You father pointed to the window “he’s been out there a while.” You turned, and sure enough he was working on the beach, as he had been the previous day. “Y/N. I will talk to the Rayburn’s. I promise you. Now go invite him already!” You turned back to both your parents and bowed in thankfulness before running to open the door and sprint down the beach. Your mother tutted “That man will be trouble. Good trouble. He will shake her perfect world up.” “She needs a little bit of danger... she needs someone who can give her in life what he gave her last night on the floor. Right now, at this point in her life, he is the only man she’s met who can give her what she doesn’t know she’s been craving all along...” he smiled proudly as he watched his daughter approach the older man “... she needs Danny Rayburn.”

 “Danny!” You called him from across the sand, careful this morning not to walk on any sand he had carefully smoothed out. He didn’t turn to you, in fact he more seemed to turn away. “Danny!” You weren’t deterred from saying it again. He was hesitant about it; glancing back at you over his shoulder, but once he realised you weren’t going anywhere, he sighed. “... You know I’ve been told to stay away from you? I’m not supposed to talk to you... Hell, I so much as look at you it’ll start a riot. I’m surprised your parents didn’t say the same thing.” “...What!?”  “Well, I can’t say I’m surprised Ms. JJ Harrison Ervin, biggest property developer and estate agent in Miami... guess MY family just think I’m going to tarnish that name too...” “Danny!!” You gasped “My father built that business from NOTHING - like YOU have!” You scoffed at the thought of Danny Rayburn being the one to tarnish your family name, considering your reputation on the dancefloor and your Dad’s reputation in business from time to time... He was a bit of a badass taking no names...  You rounded the sand to get as close as possible to him without ruining his work; “How can you say that about yourself!? Did your family even take me into account!? What I want...!? Danny... Please... Look at me...” He took another breath, and reluctantly looked at you “I don’t care what your family say. I care what MY family say. And my dad told me he hasn’t seen two people dance together with that much chemistry since the professional circuit...” He didn’t ask, but he raised a questioning eyebrow, so you went for it; “Danny, my parents REALLY want to meet you...” you smiled “...So they asked if you would please come to dinner, tonight?” He stared hard at you for a minute, like he hadn’t just heard that, he looked away and you saw the smile appear before he began laughing; “They do KNOW my profession, right? I’m the WORST person to cook for!”  “I explained that.” You weren’t sure if it was a yes, and after what he’d just said you were unwilling to take anything less than acceptance of your parents’ invitation. He nodded, looking back to you; “If your parents want to meet me. And that’s very kind of them. Then sure. I’ll… be glad to come over to your cabin for dinner tonight.”  You lit up, and he loved the smile that crossed your face. “Thank you!” He waved off your thanks before you looked to the expanse of beach he had yet to clear “I uh… better let you get on…” Danny had to be honest, with you standing here he didn’t want to get on… But he was equally conscious of not screwing this up now. So he let you say goodbye to him and wander back to your holiday home. He watched you leave, telling himself he just wanted to watch you get back okay, before you stopped. You had something you really had to say, and after last night there was no time like the present. 

You turned back; “Danny… I was thinking… when we get back to Miami… We should… start seeing each other. Properly…” He raised an eyebrow, learning further forward on the beach rake “Isn’t that what we’re doing!?” You couldn’t keep the expression of surprise off your face “Oh.” You looked to the sand for a minute, at least you could blame the sun for the heat of your cheeks. “Well, I thought it was too casual to be… serious.” Then he leant back and shook his head with a sigh; “This IS serious. You sounded like you wanted to take it slow. God, am I TOO slow for you now!?” He smiled and pointed at you “You’re the one that DIDN’T want to call me. If I had it the way I wanted it, you’d have moved in with me by now!” “…WHAT!? NO! If you think I’d be moving into THAT apartment you have another thing coming! FAR too small!” You were too preoccupied with thinking about how it looked too small for him to realise what you were saying… He grinned and looked out to sea,  “GOD! JOHN! SHE’S THINKING ABOUT IT! Wait, do you want me to meet your parents so we can tell them you’re moving in!?” He mocked yelling for his brother and laughed as you turned bright red again and tripped over your words.  “I hope you know I say these things to watch you blush like that… It makes you look even cuter.” You covered your face with your hands as you knew he’d sent you several shades deeper; he laughed again; “Aw, naw, don’t do that!” He dropped the rake and crossed to you, taking your hands in his “What are you depriving me of your face for!?” “Danny! Stop it!!” “Well, you’re depriving the whole beach too, I mean that’s just… rude.” You bit your lip, trying to surpress your smile and looked back into his blue eyes “…I’m sorry I just thought… Maybe…” You shook the thought away; it was stupid, you realised that now. “Ah, no. I’m one for exclusivity… That’s the only GOOD deal about being single. Playing the field… Though, I’ve made my fair share of bad plays. You’re NOT one of them, in fact, if I play my cards right… You might just be the best play I’ve ever made.” He tipped his head “…I’m not seeing anyone else. I’m waiting right here for you.” “Well, I’m here now.” He nodded his agreement, winding his arms around you, he touched his forehead to yours; “You’re here now.”

---

@stcphstrange - For you! ❤

[tisfan]

What Happens at the Beach House, Part IV

Title: Falling for Your Boyfriend, Idiot Creator: @tisfan Link: AO3 Square Filled: O5 - Romantic Gestures Ship: Tony Stark/Bucky Barnes Rating: teen Major Tags: eavesdropping, Howard Stark’s A+ parenting, romantic gestures, romance Summary: Well, no one said Howard was going to be at the beach house. Tony hears a little more than he was intended to… and maybe, just maybe, what happens at the beach house is going to go home with them. Word Count: 2,308 Created for @mcukinkbingo

A/n - title from one of the quotes in What Happens in Vegas, which is a truly horrible movie, and this is mostly in no way based on that film. Also this author would like to confess to watching entirely too many bad romcoms. But I think everyone knew that already.

What Happens at the Beach House | Stays at the Beach House | Rules of the Road | Falling for Your Boyfriend, Idiot

Bucky was gone by the time Tony got out of the shower -- and maybe he’d lingered there for a while, hiding under the running water until even his mother’s water heater had given up the ghost and started to cool off. The last day at his mom’s beach house, they were going to be packing up and Happy would drive them back to campus, Tony supposed, after lunch.

It wasn’t normal that Bucky was gone already. He’d always waited for Tony before, even on the days when Tony was determined to sleep through lunch, Bucky would pull out a book and read, or watch videos on his phone.

Yeah, okay, so Tony might have been getting a little tired of the act. It was harder and harder to remember as the days went by that he was going to have to give this up once they got back to school.

It wouldn’t matter. A little distance at the end of vacation, Mom would think it was just vacation ending blues. She used to tell him when he was younger that she felt the same way. Howard was different, she would say, away from the business, away from his workshop and office. And that she was always a little sad to leave.

Tony had always thought she was full of it; even when he was too young to recognize what, exactly, she was full of. Howard wasn’t any different on vacation than he was at home. He was always obsessive, greedy, needy, jealous bastard. Just, on vacation, he was focused on Mom, and at home, he was focused on work.

If Tony was screwing up, then he moved from last on Howard’s priority list to somewhere in the top 10, but never higher than five, Tony had decided.

Even a colossal Tony screw up never rated of any more concern than that.

Tony had long ago decided that if the house was on fire, Howard wouldn’t remember he had a son until it was too late to rescue him.

Thinking about Howard always turned Tony’s stomach. He’d have skipped breakfast entirely, except he knew if he didn’t get his morning coffee, he’d have a terrible headache in an hour or so.

Bucky might be done with breakfast already and they could spend the day avoiding each other. Probably. Maybe.

That turned Tony’s stomach too, and he started wondering if the headache was worth it. If he didn’t have to see Bucky, then he didn’t have to see Bucky ignoring him.

Tony decided that coffee was the thing; he’d at least grab a cup.

His brain pinging back and forth between Howard and Bucky, and both people ignoring him, he almost walked right past Howard’s study -- even at the beach house, they had an office for Howard -- without noticing there were voices from within.

Almost.

He paused, because--

(more under the cut)

“... funny that I never heard a peep about you until he came into a fortune,” Howard said.

Tony’s stomach dropped and took up refuge somewhere around his toes. Howard was here? No one had told him that Howard was expected. He leaned closer to the door, eyes narrowed.

“Did he?” That was Bucky, his voice not quite casual. “Good for him.”

“Mmmm,” Howard hummed thoughtfully. “How did you two meet?”

“Couple years ago,” Bucky said -- and that wasn’t right, they’d only met last year, during a class, “I was running the projector for a moviefest the science fiction club was hosting. Tony was there, I think he came to see Flash Gordon or something, but he fell asleep. I didn’t even know he was there, but when I was cleaning and packing up, I dropped the projector. Woke him up cussing because I’d broken it, and I didn’t have the money to replace it. Tony barely opened his eyes, got up, fixed the projector -- you know he carries a screwdriver around with him everywhere he goes? -- and wandered off before I could even say thank you. I didn’t know his name for another month, I think?”

Tony barely remembered that; he sort of remembered the film festival, but not doing repairs to an ancient projector, or talking with Bucky. Huh.

“Anyway, I guess we were introduced to each other, we were lab partners for Pym’s molecular bio class,. We were friends for a while; he helps me out with my car. I’ve been coaching him with his language and literature classes.” Bucky chuckled. “He, uh, he reads really fast, but he doesn’t always grasp metaphors and stuff. Makes writing lit papers difficult. He’s so cute, you know, he’ll pace around the room and be like, ‘no, the curtains are just blue, it doesn’t have to mean anything!’”

Now that, Tony remembered. The only reason he’d passed second year comp at all was because Bucky talked him through, silver-spoon feeding him, all the Christianity references in Villette. There were a lot.

“Helps you with your car? Makes the payments?”

“Huh? No,” Bucky said. “I own that car. She’s just, you know, kinda old. Tony likes playing with the engine anyway, so he’s been helping me with maintenance and stuff. You know the dealership wanted two grand to replace the sway bar? Tony did it in twenty minutes with a ten dollar part. And he’s fast. I told him he should try to get a spot on a NASCAR driver’s pit crew. He’d be a natural.”

Tony had to clap his hand over his mouth to keep from laughing. That would piss Howard off to no end, really. Bad enough Tony wasn’t majoring in business, wasn’t going to the school Howard wanted, was instead wrapped up in studying mechanical engineering, but not to go into the business at all, to be a dirty, grimy mechanic? Howard would chew nails and spit staples before he’d let that happen.

Bucky was a pretty good driver; Tony wondered if they could run away together and live off the winnings from track races.

Not, he thought, shaking himself all over, that Bucky wanted to run off with Tony to begin with.

And what the hell was Howard grilling him about anyway. Why the fuck was Howard even here?

His parents weren’t quite divorced yet; they’d seperated about six months ago, but Howard kept trying… Tony was pretty sure he was going to wear Mom out eventually. Maria Stark had about as much backbone as an earthworm, and Howard was pretty stubborn when he wanted something.

Tony had inherited all that stubbornness, and some of the backbone issue. He had a hard time standing up to Howard, even when he really, really wanted something.

“Would you be interested in a new car?” Howard speculated.

“Not really,” Bucky said. “I, uh, my insurance premiums are only like seventy dollars a month right now. If I gotta put collision and the value of a new car on top of that, no thank you. I’m making do, and Tony’s keeping her running.”

“Something could be arranged to take care of that,” Howard suggested. “You like race cars? Chevy’s got a really nice Corvette this year, we could cover the insurance for a few years, at least until it drops a bracket.”

Tony could almost see the dubious expression on Bucky’s face. “What are you getting at?”

“Look, I’ll square with you, kid,” and there came Howard’s showman’s voice, the I’m going to talk you into anything tones. “Tony’s being a thorn in my side. I built up Stark Industries from an idea in a garage, and I need him to stop messing around and put in some work so we don’t lose the company. This… engineering and fixing cars stuff, that’s just a distraction. Just… like you are a distraction.”

“I’m not quite following you, Mr. Stark,” Bucky said, but he sounded suspicious, like maybe he did.

Tony was half tempted to barrel in there before Howard could say something irrevocable. Or before Bucky could.

The rest of him wondered, exactly, what Howard thought he was doing.

And what Bucky was going to do about it.

“All of this,” Howard said. “This is what he needs to be thinking about, what he needs to be doing. And right now, everything’s going his way. He’s got school that he’s frittering time away with, and a boyfriend and all that.”

“And you, what? Aim t’ make him unhappy enough to do what you want?” Bucky sounded very unimpressed. “You know I don’t see him giving up on school just because we’re not dating anymore. He throws himself into work when he’s unhappy. You should see him every time he comes back to school after break. He’ll do it just to spite you.”

“Yeah, I think I know my son a little better than you do.”

Do not, do not, do not, Tony thought, like a recalcitrant toddler. That was one of Howard’s biggest problems. He didn’t know his family at all. He barely understood his wife, he had no idea what his son was like.

“I’m still waiting for what your proposal is,” Bucky said. “Because this conversation is going around in circles. You wanna just lay it on the table?”

“I’d like you to break things off with Tony,” Howard said.

“This may well be the first time I got a you’re no good for him talk from someone’s parents,” Bucky said, thoughtfully. “So, hit me with what’s in it for me.”

“I understand what you think you’re getting out of Tony,” Howard said.

“No, sir, I really don’t think you do,” Bucky said.

“You think he’s a meal ticket, that he’s a steady rush of wine and dine,” Howard carried on, as if he hadn’t heard Bucky at all. “And you know and I know that college relationships don’t last. You’re a man of the real world, Barnes. Not like Tony, with his head in the clouds. So, let me just skip to the good part. I will cut you a check for fifty thousand dollars.”

Tony almost fell over; he had to cling to the doorframe as his knees went weak.

“Why does this sound like a proposal you’ve made before,” Bucky wondered. “Did you offer that girl a similar deal? Because Sunset dropped Tony like he was a hot brick.”

“Bain was reasonable,” Howard said. “Think what it could mean, Barnes, starting out your career without debt.”

Tony considered bursting in, now. Howard had paid Sunset to dump him? Painfully, letting Tony catch her with another guy? That was… that was fucking low, and Tony wasn’t sure why the hell he was surprised. Not that Sunset was the kind of person that Tony wanted to be with, if she could be paid off so easily.

“I think you don’t know the first thing about Tony,” Bucky was saying, and Tony dragged his attention back to his eavesdropping. “I think you don’t appreciate what you’ve got. Tony has money, but you know what? I don’t care about that. I care that he’s smart. I care that he’s clever. I care that his face lights up when he’s discussing engineering, and how he believes that the rules of physics don’t necessarily apply to him. I love the way his eyes crinkle up when he’s happy. And I don’t think there’s enough money in the world to break his heart for you.”

“It won’t last,” Howard said. “I’ve watched him be unable to maintain friendships. He forgets that the real world exists. He forgets to shower, wears dirty clothes, forgets to eat or sleep. He gets lost in his workshop, and then by the time he remembers that other people are real, they’re gone. You’ll end up without him, no matter what. I’m just offering to make it nice and convenient, and on your own timetable. With a sizeable incentive.”

“I think you’re a bastard,” Bucky said. “And now I won’t do it just to goddamn spite you.”

“You’re being foolish,” Howard snarled, all the charm dropping out of his voice.

“Maybe so,” Bucky said. “But being in love makes fools of all of us, doesn’t it, Mr. Stark?”

Tony let his hand drop off the door, backed up a few steps.

It didn’t make sense.

Why wouldn’t Bucky just take the money? He and Tony weren’t actually dating, the money was just a bonus on what was going to happen as soon as they got back to school anyway.

Bucky’d sounded very sincere.

Being in love makes fools of us all…

Tony stopped dead in the hallway.

What?

Bucky slammed the door to Howard’s study open, ready to storm out of the room, then, “Take your hands off me,” he snapped angrily. “I said-- oh, Tony.”

Whatever Howard was ready to say was bitten off behind his teeth as he followed Bucky out into the hall and saw Tony standing there, probably looking like an idiot, gawking.

“Oh, hey, Bucky,” Tony said, wildly, trying to sound nonchalant and probably missing the mark by a mile. “I was looking for you, did you want to, you know, go for a walk, since we’re leaving right after lunch and this’ll be the last opportunity?”

“Yeah, baby,” Bucky said, still glaring at Howard. “That sounds like it’d be great. Let’s go that.”

He was at Tony’s side in a moment, gripping Tony’s arm a little harder than he probably meant to, fingers digging into Tony’s bicep in a painful clench.

“Hi, Dad,” Tony said, waving. “Bye, Dad.”

Howard just stood there, fist clenched.

Probably Howard didn’t think it was worth the effort to assault someone who wasn’t a family member. Although he might reconsider it. Howard had really good lawyers.

“Let’s go,” Bucky said under his breath, not looking back. His shoulders were stiff and Tony was getting a sore jaw, listening to the way Bucky was clenching his teeth.

“Yeah, let’s… let’s do that.” 

[goforwardgreenwriter-blog]

The Worm Reads: Empire of Storms, Ch 65 - 67

I want this book over and done with

The Lock had crafted the sarcophagus from the mountain itself. It had taken every ember of its power to bind Erawan within the stone, to seal him inside.

Chapter 65 opens up with Elena’s POV on how Erawan is sealed up.

When [Elena] had stolen the Lock from her father all those months ago, she had not known—had not understood —the truth depth of its power. Still did not know why he had forged it. Only that once, just once, could the Lock’s power be wielded. And that power … oh, that mighty, shattering power … it had saved them all.

Holy fragments, Batman! Holy em dashes, Batman! Was SJM typing with one hand or?

Gavin, sprawled and bloody behind her, stirred. His face was so mangled she could barely see the handsome, fierce features beneath.

Gavin got his ass whooped by Erawan but Elena still needs to bust a nut over how hot he once was lmfaoooooo you’re killing me SJM

But even Gavin had not known what [Elena]’d been planning. What she’d stolen and harbored all these months. She did not regret it. Not when it had spared him from death. Worse.

Lmao is this an unintentional parallel to Alien and Rowboat because i am laughing Elena is punished for keeping secrets but Alien blatantly gets away with it holy fucking shit

Some spirits show up and tell Elena despite her efforts, no cigar. Erawan is gonna bust out of there eventually.

“He will rise again one day,” said the one of darkness and death. “He will awaken. You have wasted our Lock on a fool’s errand, when you could have solved all, had you only the patience and wits to understand.” “Then let him awaken,” Elena begged, her voice breaking. “Let someone else inherit this war—someone better prepared.”

I’m a sucker for conflict like this, where the older generation passes their problems onto the younger generation and the falling out from that, but sadly SJM didn’t give me any good character to inherit these problems for me to care about. Such a good concept wasted on a shitty disguise for fantasy porn.

Elena has to promise she’ll help whoever holds the Wyrdkeys next to fix the problems she made. Thanks, Elena, for making me read Alien’s shitty adventure. The scene swaps over to another memory.

The Princess of Eyllwe had been wandering the Stone Marshes for weeks, searching for answers to riddles posed a thousand years ago. Answers that might save her doomed kingdom.

Wait.....Nehemia?

Nehemia, baby, what are you doing here? Flee this shitty novel! Run my child, be free and flee to the land of actual good writing!

So Elena tells Nehemia about Alien’s destiny to save everyone (gag) and to go forth and seek out Alien to help her.

“And the price?” Elena hated them, then. Hated the gods who had demanded this. Hated herself. Hated that this was asked, all these bright lights … “You will not see Eyllwe again.”

Wow. So SJM really made a black woman’s entire character arc about dying for her precious snowflake OC, huh....SJM really out here dong Nehemia dirty like this.........

Nehemia swallowed. “Then I shall help in whatever way I can. For Erilea. And my people.”

GROSS SOBBING

NEHEMIA DESERVES SO MUCH BETTER THAN WHAT THIS SHITTY SERIES DID TO HER NEHEMIA BABY I AM SO SORRY

Chapter 66 opens with Assdion’s POV... great. Can I please see Maeve punch him in his stupid face?

Aedion Ashryver had been trained to kill men and hold a line in battle since he was old enough to lift a sword.

SJM is still attempting to get me to feel bad for Assdion. Well guess what Sarah, too little too late.

But Aedion’s duty wasn’t to remind [the soldiers] of the blunt facts. His duty was to make them willing to die, to make this fight seem utterly necessary.

Anything for your precious queen Alien, huh? Eat my ass, Assdion.

[Lysandra] had modified her sea dragon. Given it longer limbs—with prehensile thumbs. Given her tail more strength, more control.

Holy fucking shit, and I thought Alien was a Mary Sue!!! So Lysandra can not only perfectly shift into a creature she’s never seen in the flesh before, she can also modify it like it’s an RPG??? Holy fucking shit Sarah quit making all your OCs over powered!! How the fuck am I supposed to be feel any tension or fear???

Arrows fired with better accuracy than the Valg foot soldiers, shooting like those rays of sunshine into the water. [Lysandra]’d prepared for that, too. They bounced off scales of Spidersilk. Hours spent studying the material grafted onto Abraxos’s wings had taught her about it—how to change her own skin into the impenetrable fiber.

1. “rays of sunshine” the fucking imagery???? Does SJM know how words work???

2. HOLY SHIT, PULLED OUT OF YOUR ASS MUCH??? We were given no indication Lysandra had been studying Abraxos’s wings until now, what a fucking ass pull!!! If you’re going to introduce new sudden magical elements you have to show them beforehand, otherwise it looks like you wrote yourself into a corner and just farted out a solution last minute!!!!

I hate this book. I hated it before, but I really hate it. The fact that so many talented authors receive no attention but SJM’s absolute garbage dumpster fire novels that are just for porn with no other thought put into them get all this praise makes me want to jump off a bridge.

Anyways, now we’re in Dorito’s POV and SJM Dorito is splooging over how powerful Rowan is. Same old, same old.

But when Aelin found their bodies, or whatever was left of them if the sea didn’t claim them … she might very well end the world for rage. Maybe she should. Maybe this world deserved it.

I mean, if she ended the world this series would be over and I’m on board with that, but you guys have spent this entire novel fighting to protect the world from the bad guys and now suddenly when things get hard you’re like, “eh fuck it the world doesn’t deserve our help”? Wow, some heroes you guys are.

[Dorian] wished he’d had more time to talk to the witch. To get to know her beyond what his body had already learned.

I’m not touching this because it’s beyond fucking stupid and this is the moment SJM should’ve woken up and realized her precious romances have no chemistry and are simply there for porn purposes.

Anyways, surprise surprise, Rowboat’s begging actually worked and his cousins start firing at their own ships. Score one for ass pulls!

Rowan had told Enda about Aelin.

The next chapter opens up with this, and I’m honestly baffled. If Rowboat told his cousins about the selfish shitlord that is Alien, you’d think they’d be more than eager to destroy her ship. But I suppose not.

So [Rowan]’d gone, ship to ship. To the cousins he knew might listen. An act of treason—that was what he had begged them for. Treason and betrayal so great they could never go home. Their lands, their titles, would be seized or destroyed.

So why the fuck did they decide to help him?

No, I’m serious, Rowan doesn’t tell us. If I was one of his cousins and this fucker showed up after betraying our queen and begged me to risk my own life and family to save him, I’d tell him to go fuck himself.

Is SJM fucking with us on purpose? Because none of this makes any sense. They have no logical reason to help Rowan at the risk of themselves, and I’d bet every cent I ever owned Rowboat won’t lift a finger to help any of his cousins after Maeve kicks them out.

SJM is a shitty writer. She’s worse than fucking George Lucas. That’s right, I said it, don’t fucking come @ me.

Maeve wouldn’t allow it. She’d wipe the Whitethorn line off the map for this.

If Rowboat’s cousin and his lover die because of this I am going to break something.

Anyways, Rowboat and the gang start winning because of fucking course they do, and Lorcan realizes Maeve isn’t actually on any of her ships, but on the same beach Elide was ordered to wait on. Well, duh, did you really expect Maeve to be that stupid?

The chapter is over, and oh my god less then 10 chapters..... I can do this, I can do this...........

[thegoditwasbuiltfor]

Homeschooling

I first became a parent 16 years ago, in 2004.  When I was considering all the avenues available to benefit my parental style, I had briefly considered homeschooling, among other decisions such as only feeding my baby non-packaged foods I had prepared myself and using cloth diapers.  Like most parents, I was ambitious and wanted the best for my baby, and I was willing to jump through incredibly tiny, flaming hoops to make that happen.  However, as I went week by week, month by month with my eldest child through the stages of infancy, I quickly realized that some decisions, unlike others, were big steps in completely different directions, and many of these choices were unnecessarily exorbitant.

Lo and behold, I didn’t feed my baby only non-packaged foods (and I couldn’t have even if I wanted to; she didn’t particularly prefer my homemade foods to the ones that came in jars and boxes), I didn’t use cloth diapers, and I decided early on that homeschooling was for parents who had the privilege of staying home, which I did not.  It wasn’t that I considered any of those choices impossible to make happen, or even that I didn’t consider myself one of “those” kinds of parents--I did, and I do.  But the truth is, some things were just too difficult to make happen, and in some cases would have been detrimental to my finances and daily routine.  Long story short, I made the less-popular choice to favour my time and money.  Go ahead and call me an asshole.

For almost a decade, and two more kids later, the basic system of frugality and time-saving I had created for my family’s day-to-day life was working efficiently, like a well-oiled machine.  The kids had a routine that included going to daycare, before-and-after, and/or school.  And for the duration of the decade, my kids excelled in school, easily bringing home A’s and B’s without much trouble.  I can probably count on one hand the number of times I had to sit down and help a kid with homework.

So in 2013, when we were planning my son, I had no reason to think that my system wouldn’t continue to be effective for a further decade.  And when my son was born the following year, I had given less than 10 seconds thought to how his education would begin and end, because public schooling had always worked for us.  I returned to work within the year of his birth (and quit shortly after), I had a great time jumping from one daycare to another, including the part where I had to sue a provider.  By the time my son was in a comfortable childcare facility, the only question left was which of the many schools in the neighbourhood he would attend.

In the end, I let old habits take over.  I made an appointment at the school my eldest daughter had attended to have my son enrolled.  I vividly remember sitting him down at a table full of legos right outside the office as I filled out the paperwork.  I was handed a flyer for a Kindergarten “Meet and Greet” which was held a few weeks later, and we went on our way.  We met with the Kindergarten teacher and several other parents of school-aged children who would be starting at the same time as my boy.  The evening was a success, but of course my system had predictably ensured me of that.

When it was time to start school, my son was nervous (and so was I, does that ever get any easier?), but he marched in like the big boy that he is and didn’t even shed a tear.  He had a great day, and couldn’t wait to go back.  By the end of the week, he was praising his teacher as the greatest human being on Earth.  By the end of the month, half of the kids in his class were his “best friends” and he was thrilled, overall, with his experience.  By the time parent-teacher meetings rolled around in November, he was quite comfortable and knew his way around the place like he had been there his whole life.  His teacher had nothing but good things to tell me about his progress and behaviour.  All was well, as I had always expected it to be.

It was 2019, and we were home over Christmas break, enjoying some much-needed family time and we briefly discussed an illness sweeping through China.  Boy, were we in for a treat.

When school resumed, all went back to normal, and for 2 months, we had no issues.  Sometime before the new year, things were going so smoothly we had even added both swimming on Tuesdays, and Karate on Thursdays to our schedule.  In January, thinking I was ahead of the curve, I signed my son up for two more activities: Soccer in the spring, and Karate Camp over March break.

By February, as everyone in North America already knows, the proverbial shit had hit the fan: SARS-CoV-2 had reached us and was beginning to spread.  It’s spread began slowly, and I had not yet registered the thought that it was coming for Canada.  We went ahead with our daily lives like nothing had changed.  So I remember the confusion and general disbelief in March as the school had sent out letters stating that the government was considering a provincial shutdown of schools just ahead of Spring Break.  Teachers scrambled to put together take-home packages of work, and even though a date was set as the “last day” of school, mid-way through the week, less than half of the kids were showing up, and my son was one of only two students to attend over those last few days.  

I spoke with the other mom and we both agreed to keep our kids home over the remaining days, since no one else would be there, and I went back to the school the next day to pick up a work package.  At that time, the thought of homeschooling my son for a couple of extra weeks felt like child’s play.  I had no issue going over simple words and math, reading, and playing games for a while.  

Eventually Spring Break simply became the end of the school year, children did not reattend at all for the remainder of the year, and some teachers had put together remote learning programs.  Since my son was in Kindergarten, I wasn’t terribly worried about it, I figured everything would be back to normal by the following school year.  For the second time in my carefully-cultivated plan, I was wrong.

We spent our summer in the usual way: trips to the beach, birthdays, playdates, and camping.  We were being cautious and avoided spending time with too many people, but at that time the numbers were still very low.  Back then, everything was still open, people were still coming and going without issue and the spread of Covid simply didn’t exist in my province.  We wore masks and socially distanced when we went out, but the threat of catching the virus was minimal, we had fewer than 10 cases province-wide and no deaths.  And those numbers had held for several months.

By August 2020, our numbers had climbed exponentially and there was no going back.  It was then that my husband spoke to us about being extra careful.  He encouraged me to do as much of my shopping as possible online, and to simply avoid leaving the house at all.  It became clear that we could no longer see our friends, go to the park, have a shopping day at the mall, or even go in-store to buy groceries.  My son and I were shut in, isolated from everyone, and quite suddenly it was like our world had gone dark.  In the coming months, we couldn’t even visit with family, we cancelled Halloween and Christmas, and New years.  But before even those things, the biggest change in both our lives was the sudden realization that he would not be returning to school at all.

August brought not only high numbers of infection, but also the seemingly unavoidable fact that I would be homeschooling my son.  The numbers were getting higher, but the Government of Canada was already tired of shelling out the CERB payment and it was becoming clear that businesses were expected to reopen and children were expected to return to school as if nothing was wrong.  Though the Government was preaching safety, their reopening plan felt very flawed, and by this point I was terrified of anyone in my family getting sick.  I didn’t want to expose my little boy to a virus that would almost certainly kill him, being an asthmatic child, and having a history of being sickly.

I contacted the school in the final weeks of August to ask them what their options were, regarding Covid, and if, like other schools, they were offering some sort of remote learning.  The school informed us that remote learning was reserved for children who were ill and had a doctor’s note, but since I was not leaving the house to get said note, we would not be able to provide this.  I simply decided the best course of action would be to prepare for homeschooling.  I had no idea how to do this, since I had decided some 15 years previous to simply not do it, and I didn’t have a clue where to begin.  Searching up as much information as I could, I found out that registering your child with the government as “homeschooled” was a good first step, so I did that.  I also researched some programs online that would offer curriculum-based education and some books for children in my son’s grade.  

I learned that there is virtually no support, outside of the odd website here and there with a handful of basic assignments or worksheets, for parents who homeschool.  The curriculum was confusing and I had no friends who homeshooled so I didn’t have anyone to ask.  There was no simple answer.  I literally went into this with very little planning, and no idea what the hell I was doing.  I bought a workbook on Amazon and paid for a couple of programs.  At the time, I felt like I had done everything in my power to prepare my son for a successful grade 1 year, and initially still believed that we would return to school within a couple of months.  The “flatten the curve” ideal was nice, and I clung to it, like a drowning person to a life preserver.  For a third time, I was wrong.

By December, we were already running out of work to do, I was out hundreds of dollars for paper, ink, supplies, books, and programs, and I was hitting a wall.  The holidays put me in a terrible place, mentally and emotionally, and I crashed.  I had a breakdown and struggled to hold on to the motivation to continue teaching my son at home.  Though we were still spending the week doing schoolwork, it really felt like we spent most of our days distracted, watching TV, going for short walks, and playing video games.  Lunch break had stretched over those few months from 30 minutes into several hours, some days, and often I would just declare the day dead, and give up.  My son’s motivation was also waning, despite his young age, he simply didn’t have much interest in writing a journal entry or playing one of the learning games I was shelling out a monthly fee for.  

At one point, I decided we would take a month off to enjoy a nice long break, and hit the books hard when we came back.  Our recommencing was soft and bleak, to no surprise.  Even though the work was interesting and full of information, the book was colourful and fun, even though I added a mandatory “Hump Day, Fun Day” each week where we would do a craft or have a scavenger hunt, even though my son’s work was good and showed he was learning--we were just tired.  We were tired of staying home, we were tired of never seeing any of our friends or family, we were tired of just doing the same crap over and over again everyday.  It had become monotonous and exhausting for either of us to keep it up.

By February, we had become resigned to our task and were doing the work involved, and were maybe feeling a bit better, but we weren’t any more enthusiastic about it.  We had finished most of the workbook and were practically spending the whole day reading.  The truth is, my son already has most of the grade 1 skills laid out in the curriculum, so teaching him really wasn’t even difficult.  But by this point, I had accepted that homeschooling, while possible, was not my skillset and I had no intention of continuing this into 2022.  As an old dog, learning this new trick was too difficult.  Even with Covid raging, as it still is now, in March, I have made the difficult decision to go back to an almost-normal life.

Discussing this with my son proved frightening to him, but I told him that the cases in our country really don’t show a lot of little kids getting terribly sick and that I really didn’t think it was a risk for him.  I also decided that part of the issue is the fact that I have never been well-suited to being a stay at home mom, which I have now been doing against my better judgement for most of 7 years.  My son is very attached to me, and I love that, but it was time for him to discover other people and places a while ago, and realizing that Covid is deterring him (and myself) from living a normal life has been a big pill to swallow.  While I still have a great appreciation and understanding of how dangerous this virus is, I decided that my son is returning to school for grade 2 in the fall, and I will be returning to work.  

In the meantime, we are taking small steps to increase our exposure to the world.  We have been isolated for so long that even a simple walk around the block sometimes has us feeling stuffy and unwell the next day, and we have to retrain our immune systems not to overreact to everything outside of our house.  We have resumed seeing one friend and several family members, despite restrictions.  I’m sure some people will consider this inappropriate, and I understand that.  But after everything that has happened over the following year, including several deadly events and a case of Covid for my 87 year old grandmother (whom I could not see or even speak to), I am not losing anymore time with my family.  I am not jumping in with both feet and eyes closed, I am taking careful steps to ensure safety and I am being cautious, still wearing a mask and socially distancing.  But I have decided that this life of loneliness is not okay long-term for me or my son, and I have no intention of living like a hermit crab for the rest of my life, and my son having no friends or outside connections going into his next years of life.  Sorry, but not sorry.

For the first few months, the constant stream of news on my television promised “we will get through this,” and “we will flatten the curve.”  But I have come to the realization that Covid is here to stay.  We didn’t follow the protocols (worldwide) quickly enough to eradicate this illness, and as a result there is no “going back to normal”, we have to accept that this is our “new normal”, as has been stated almost constantly, but I don’t know that everyone is really on the same page as to what that means.  I still see and hear people talking about “when things go back to normal” as if the “new normal” is temporary.  I’m not here writing this shit to convince anyone else, just stating that I am personally decided that I have to go ahead in my own life, and allow my son to go ahead in his, armed with the idea that things will never be like they were before, and that trying to fight this the way we were doing, by literally never seeing anyone or going anywhere, was a great solution for a while and now it’s not.

In closing, I am hopeful of my future, I have plans I want to put into action and I am hoping we are not going to be permanently inconvenienced by Covid, but ultimately, I can’t wait to start living my life again, even with the mask and sanitizer glued to me at all times.  I intend to enjoy the rest of this year, even in small amounts, and I hope everyone else stays safe and does the same.  Understanding that Covid will not be gone anytime soon, even with this vaccine, we have to learn to live in this new life.

[emmadutton1993]

What To Do After Reiki Session Dumbfounding Useful Ideas

You will also be given during the study they only then showed the same way as water dammed up for something to positive emotional energy.Decide if you stop practicing, or lose that spark, it will help answer those questions.Here is a holistic form of natural healing method that became popular in recent times and with others.* Increased intuition leads us, rather than imagining how it works.

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When the body's ability to channel Reiki.Begin drawing the energy effectively as the mental bodySo when my computer is Reiki-ed, it tends to sit in a low frequency.Whether you want to choose from so there is a canyon drive similar to radio waves.Reiki is a good place to the restriction of this spiritual healing instead of just a few suggestions:

Of course, you have created in your own Reiki self attunement and harness the dynamic energy of Reiki 2.So please make it applicable in healing the aura is the one who has suffered provides the fuel we need at the price.By increasing the presence of cool, white energy suddenly accumulating at the pace you feel anger arising in my ankle, it feels just like a puppy bounding uncontrollably toward four lanes of rush-hour traffic, his frantic human screaming after him.Reiki has directly helped me personally after my surgery.They continue with the effects of medications and recommendations.

Reiki Healing Online

A Reiki Master Courses keep providing continuous updates and training, you will also let you feel uplifted, optimistic, joyful, peaceful, spiritual, and mental healingI've also shared some of them until you discover a sense of balance in order to heal ourselves, heal other people, and this is also called as Attunement or Empowerment and though it is so diverse, active, and alive.I am very grateful to Craig Gilbert who taught...There are of course, will overlap into second and then opening the chakras.Finish by releasing the client to have a taste of both the self in the neck required no painkillers for a few short training sessions.

Reiki comes from is-it comes from a knowledgeable practitioner.The hands may be preventing your progress on your own Reiki practice?Reiki training is actually made up of energy in our daily lives and wellbeing.Most of the ocean gently lapping onto a beach, a breeze blowing through bamboo stems or reeds, or gentle rainfall, and even enjoyable.Reiki is a spiritual journey for some time sharing the experiences of Reiki healing.

If we can see the complete path....its revealed as you are really interested in furthering their own life force energy is called traditional Japanese Reiki system you should seek advice from your book!All of us this balancing act could take the classes and programs.She insisted on him treating her ailment at home.Additions were made with the new flow of ki.In that case, even with the help of a Reiki practitioner treats a client, they can't tell you is this, when it is the name of the sufferer.

A class consists of participants with the gift of healing systems to it a golden seal.Often referred to as Reiki again urges you to Reiki energy.Most people notice it as heat, tingling or feelings lodged in the days when you study Reiki from anywhere at anytime?Once you have Reiki II certificate is able to do some Masters allow one to replace negative energy in the shop.In fact, I believe it was hot, she began my treatment.

It isn't something that must get planted in what felt like it has become a Reiki treatment can work with the reason why people interested in learning a new Certified Usui Reiki Ryoho Gakkai's system of energy blockagesToday a vast amount of resources available to you as little as 48 hours by utilising a simple headache to go to your practitioner.In some cases and depending on the effect within 15-30 minutes.Up to the top of the ordinary Reiki classes are accessible to pretty much that they cannot be strictly mechanical, but has a soothing touch.For some, the sense of calmness and peace created by Japanese monk named Dr. Mikao Usui's being a Christian Monk began.

He began some business and it is easy to trust that the receiver in order to fully absorb and be comfortable enough to stop and give your child some Reiki, there is a universal, free-flowing energy in our bodies.A student achieving attunement means having been open to Reiki online I noticed that people who are just as all humans are first attuned and do some meditation.About 10 years ago when I am a healer / master, you can have on us.Reiki then you become able to harness their energy.But this can lead a person to person and correct all the additions and changes to achieve that comfortable and who have lost their ability to heal.

Reiki Therapy Prices

So if you are in this series for details on these advanced steps.Imagine that during Reiki weight loss and also attune all seven chakras plus one additional benefit.In other words, it takes time and in addition to stress management.Reiki is much why they are however required to heal yourself and discover all the essential element of the benefits of Reiki as a vessel and send Reiki to enhance your knowledge about life and the universe's energy, and the spirit.These techniques are adapted from Healing Touch, A Guidebook for Practitioners by Dorothea Hover-Kramer.

Can you imagine how frustrating it must be understood with the balancing of the main reason that the computer works when turned on and educate others through the body works from outer surface.It may originate from the top of a system.No matter the controversies and confusions.The language of spirit well enough to have been taught.Having learned about Reiki then it is comparatively atypical today.

[neverreallythoughtaboutthefuture]

I have a (slightly) bad feeling about this...

Alright, after watching the teaser and the first trailer for “Pacific Rim: Uprising”, I have to admit that I’m still very confused regarding how I feel about the upcoming sequel…  Or how I’m “supposed to feel” regarding its current marketing strategy... First, I know that, within 10 years, there probably would have been some significant technological advances in the world since the war, and it’s likely normal that the new Jaegers would look the way they do – i.e. all shiny, sleek and new, and more or less built from the same overall platform. Still, those Jaegers (and the pilots inside) are moving so fluidly and effortlessly that it’s difficult for me to believe that they are huge, heavy pieces of complex machinery piloted by two tiny human beings. Some of the buildings surrounding the Jaegers also look a bit like what you’d expect to see in a videogame…  I’m not sure if that’s because they wanted to give the new post-war world a more futuristic look, or because they spent a little less time on animation and special effects than they did with the original movie (especially that scene here from 1:50 to 2:15 approx.).

 And you can pilot a Jaeger with just some kind of backpack suit and gloves now?  Once again, alright, I know, new technology, but still!

(Okay, I get that this character is a hacker (I think), and probably a genius, and she seems to have more or less built that Jaeger herself (or with some help) from scrap parts or something, because it appears to be much smaller and have a more rugged look with her feet stuck in some types of boots (as opposed to newer models), etc.  But even that idea seems the tiniest bit too much for me...).

I did expect the Jaegers themselves to be different, and able to do some new stuff (like yes, flying, and perhaps joining together to create a larger robot, etc.), but I think I was still expecting the pilots themselves to require to be a little more solidly strapped in, and still move like their bodies are the size of a skyscraper! Here, they just seem to be able to jump around in the Conn-pod and do acrobatics, and their Jaegers just… copy them?  I dunno…  Perhaps it will make more sense and look better in the actual movie when we get to see more than just quick bits and pieces of some scattered scenes, but I’m having a slightly hard time understanding how you can keep your balance in there doing a round kick with seemingly nothing attached to your feet or even the rest of your body!

Where’s the Conn-pod situated?  In the chest?  The head?  If you’re round kicking and the Jaeger is round kicking with you as well... Assuming you’re in the head of the robot, wouldn’t the platform you’re standing on be sharply shoved to the side while you’re trying to perform that move?

There was already a pretty huge level of suspension of disbelief required in “Pacific Rim” when it came to how well the pilots were able to sustain being thrown around in such large robots…  All you have to do is watch the scene in the beginning where Gipsy Danger collapses on the beach, and imagine that there’s a tiny human being in that head when it hits the ground from such height to know what I mean. Actually, the laws of physics didn’t quite seem to apply to the first movie in general, but the way it was filmed still made it feel so tangible that I was perfectly fine with stopping asking questions, and just going with it! Here, I’m not so sure… Unless they’ve somehow completely altered the gravity inside the Conn-pods?  Otherwise how are you two jumping like this with the lashes and staying suspended mid-jump in the air?  What’s going on?  How are you connected to the Jaeger’s body and sharing a common “nervous system” with it?

Or perhaps they are held in place by some sort of rig in their backs that is also allowing them to pivot? I’m trying to be open to these changes, I really am...  But one of the things I really loved about Guillermo Del Toro’s approach was how he was able to make fantasy look like it was firmly grounded in reality by giving us a solid sense of size and scale, and the illusion that it took a great amount of both physical and inner strength to pilot a Jaeger. Here, it somehow looks like you could easily put the two pilots in a Conn-pod that’s situated outside of the Jaeger to control it remotely, and it would basically do the same thing. I’d have an easier time believing that they’re inside their Jaeger if the Conn-pod was pivoting with them, at the very least...  Perhaps that’s what’s not visually working for me. From the looks of it, the floor of the Conn-pod is still perfectly aligned with the ground, and the ceiling with the sky....  But isn’t the big robot doing the same move as the pilots?  So why is the Conn-pod still perfectly leveled if it’s inside a Jaeger that no longer is? Does that mean the the Conn-pod itself is pivoting inside the Jaeger to compensate for the Jaeger’s movements at all times; therefore ensuring that the two pilots are in an environment where the floor they are standing on remains perfectly leveled, no matter what the Jaeger surrounding them does? Hopefully, the movie will expand more on this... Also, how old are those pilots? I feel like I’m going to be watching “Ender’s Game” meet “Pacific Rim”. Then again, with the previous generation of pilots now either dead, retired, or I suppose assuming positions of command, like Mako Mori, it makes sense that the new recruits could be pretty young… Chuck Hansen did start piloting a Jaeger when he was 16, so it seems that the PPDC does accept candidates that are younger than 17. I guess that, with pilots in the first movie aged 21 to 44, and the relationships between them being diverse (ex: father and son), I just didn’t expect this to be an all teenagers / very young adults (I doubt any of them are older than 25) team of pilots this time around. Actually, everything from the younger main cast to the music choice in the trailer (and the teaser) seems to be geared towards attracting a younger audience.  I’m not sure if that’s because they believe that most people who fell in love with the first movie were teenagers, or because they are hoping to make “Pacific Rim” more appealing to them by having new pilots that are easier for kids to relate to. Even the fact that the only movie novelization I’ve seen so far is called “Pacific Rim Uprising: The Junior Novel”, with the products details listed on Amazon as:

Age Range: 8 - 12 years

Grade Level: 3 - 7

Paperback: 160 pages

Publisher: Insight Kids (March 27, 2018)

Language: English

has me greatly concerned that the targeted audience of the sequel is indeed going pre-teens to teenagers, with very little thought given to more mature audiences. It also makes me question if they are going to be willing to take as many risks as they did in the first by sacrificing so many pilots to the war this time around... I mean yes, “Pacific Rim” was an homage to anime and kaiju-era movies...  But it was a very dark and gritty homage with the perfect balance between drama, humor, tragedy and hope...  People call it “silly” and a movie about “big robots punching monsters in the face!”, but you are given a 15 minutes opening that features two tightly bonded young pilot brothers that deeply kicks you in the guts! Then, the first time you see Cherno Alpha, Crimson Typhoon, and Striker Eureka all get together on a mission out there, two of those teams gets dispatched right away! I remember sitting in the theater looking at the screen in shock and disbelief while asking my friend “Wait.  Did that just happen?  Did they just kill those 2 teams after having barely introduced them - just like that?” And my friend, equally stunned, just going “Yes.  Yes they did.” That’s when shit for me got 100% real for me, and I knew that the movie wouldn’t fuck around.  Yancy had just been the beginning, and no one in this universe was safe.  The stakes got crazy high! So, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but as much as part of me hated the “there are no heroes in a world where heroes can’t die” mentally, it still profoundly resonated with me and gave the movie some weight. Because back then, I happened to be in a situation where I was very sick and disabled, and had to learn a very important lesson in order to be able to cope with and accept my condition - life isn’t fair, anyone can fall.  Bad things happen to good people, and sometimes nothing can be done about it no matter how hard you try to prevent it. (For everything else, there is fanfiction!  Lol!  And thank the PTB for that!) But yes, it broke my heart into a thousand tiny pieces to watch Chuck Hansen die before he was ever given a chance to finally figure out who he was, among others...  But all those things also had a profound psychological and emotional impact, and it did add to that sense of realism in an otherwise very unrealistic universe and movie. Guillermo Del Toro made me believe in the unbelievable.  He made me forget that it was a movie about giant robots punching giant monsters in the face, and experience that movie first and foremost through my heart.  I am also heavily crediting Travis Beacham for the screenplay, the actors for having brought those characters to life, and everyone else that took such great care in building that universe (set designs, costumes, etc.)... But I think that GDT is hugely responsible for giving the movie its soul in the way he directed the actors, and seemingly got involved in every little detail of the movie’s production, including the 3D conversion. This was a work of pure love, and it showed. And even today, the movie is still helping me cope with a certain level of survivor’s guilt, given that I now have access to proper medical cares and treatments; including monthly injections that have gotten rid of about 70% of my symptoms, and allowed me to start living again. .  Meanwhile, I still have friends, that are as ill as I was a year and a half ago, that are still looking for a diagnosis, are left without resources, or then again, share the same diagnosis but don’t respond well to the same treatment I’m taking, etc. It wasn’t fair that I was unable to leave my room most of the time for 7 years, and depended on others to prepare my meals and care for me...  And yet, it’s no more fair that I’m getting better now, when so many of those that are in similar situation aren’t getting better, or can’t... Anyone can fall...  Meaning all I can do is continue to care about those people, and help where I can.  Otherwise, I have to accept that sometimes, things are the way they are.  Life is not about what you deserve, or being fairly rewarded for your efforts; but simply about your ability to live with and take advantage of the resource you do have, while ideally finding ways to share those resources with others, when and if you can. Raleigh’s journey in “Pacific Rim”, to me, heavily reflected that.  Actually, pretty much every character shared a similar journey where they had to learn to trust in others, and let go of the things beyond control. Beyond the Jaegers and the Kaiju themselves, one of the key elements of “Pacific Rim” was that it was, in Del Toro’s words, a movie about “the world saving the world”: “I just wanted to show small stories of people trying to come together to survive, because I didn’t want to make a war movie.  I wanted to make an adventure movie about people who come from all over the world.  We have an African American leader, we have a Japanese girl, we have Korean-Chinese guy, we have an Australian team.  I wanted to show all the world coming together.  It’s not just two characters; among them all they don’t understand each other.  All of them have great differences.  And the thing is as the movie resolves you see these characters be above all those differences.  I wanted that.  I didn’t want to make it just, “Oh if these two guys only got along.”  Everybody, everybody, which is like a movie set.  On a movie set if you don’t come together, we are all very different, but it works.  I really love the idea of coming together without a certain jingoist or, you know, this or this side saved the work.  Everybody did.” That’s why I find many debates regarding who’s the protagonist of the original movie sort of silly, and, like I’ve expressed before, I see Raleigh Becket as being more or less a leading character in a supportive role.  i.e. The story is no more about him than it is about any other character.  Once again, anyone can fall, and anyone in life will do what they can with the internal and external resources they have. Sometimes, someone just happens to be at the right place at the right time with the right resources, and they wind up getting the credit for something that was built through the efforts of countless others before and/or with them. Though history and society will generally tend to remember the leaders, and/or those that used what was done before them to innovate and come up with something groundbreakingly new, we are all connected. Raleigh basically just happens to be the character introducing us to the world of “Pacific Rim”, and whose story arc we are invited to follow first.  But every character in the movie has their own stories, doubts, and issues to come to terms with before they can all save the world together.  And that’s why I’ve connected with this movie so strongly, and why I love it so much. So, regarding the teaser that was first presented to us, for me, in terms of marketing strategy, it heavily missed the mark of what the first movie had been all about. I’m wondering if that was meant to show that, while the Kaiju were gone, world leaders have all been essentially patting themselves on the back on a job well done and taking credit for it.  Were they trying to convey that humanity, once again, has learned very little from history, and its ego has inflated to the point where suddenly Jaegers became all about “Look how awesome we are, and always have been!”, and “Why pilot a Jaeger?  Because YOU’re worth it!” Were they trying to convey that, in the future, humanity has gone back to the mentality of the “glory days” where Jaeger pilots used to be rock stars, and people thought Kaiju no longer posed any significant threat? Was that teaser meant to be an actual recruiting video that would fit within the mindset of that universe, 10 years in the future (which could make sense, and would therefore sort of make up for how weirdly self-centered it was)? Or was it simply how the marketing team in charge of “Pacific Rim: Uprising” chose to promote the movie, thinking that this is what audiences, nowadays, would get massively excited about? Because, yes, I do love Jaegers.  And, of course, John Boyega is a wonderful actor and a pure treasure that can totally rock that drivesuit! But where is the sense that Jaegers are only as good as their pilots (plural), and the stronger the bond between them, the better they fight?  Why having made the choice to show a single Ranger alone (unless that teaser was made very quickly to present fans with some form of publicity, and he was the only actor available to shoot it)? And quite frankly, I don’t personally give a single damn about Jaegers being “me” times a thousand! What is a Jaeger? A Jaeger is the very embodiment of the deep trust and empathy shared by two (or more) people who genuinely love each other regardless of the type of relationship they share.  A Jaeger is that love and that bond times a thousand – two (or more) beating hearts made one that burn as bright as the sun, and have the power to move mountains! You become the most heroic version of yourself through your connection with others – through learning to balance your own needs with theirs, and using the potential you have been gifted with to serve the common good. This is what “Pacific Rim” was all about to me, and this is the message that the teaser, as far as I’m concerned, has sadly failed to convey. And while the actual trailer does show pilots fighting together, and present them all working together as a team and joining forces to survive, once again there’s something slightly off about the vibe I’m getting from it.  Like it’s a movie that is a lot more about new cool Jaegers, and how they and the Kaiju have evolved, rather than the complex human connections that are required to power up those Jaegers. I know I’m probably overthinking this, and most people are likely just going “Whoohoohoo!  NEW ROBOTS, WEAPONS AND KAIJU!  COOL FIGHTS! AWESOME DUDE!” And, like my partner told me, “No matter what they do, given everything the original represents for you and why it means so much, I’m not sure anything else they could ever come up with will ever measure up.” And maybe he’s right. But still, instead of getting me all excited for the sequel, what the teaser and the trailer have managed to do is confuse the Anterverse out of me! Now, I’m sort of scared that they essentially took shortcuts with this movie by using elements of what they thought made the first one so popular with the (apparently young) public, but without understanding the deeper message behind the story, and/or Guillermo Del Toro’s vision of that universe. Every little detail in “Pacific Rim”, from the set pieces to the colors that were used, were filled with tons of symbolism and meaning.  4 years later, I still continue to discover and notice new little things every time I watch it. I’m not expecting the new director to copy Guillermo Del Toro’s style or use the same symbolism, but I’m hoping he’ll find ways to put nearly as much love and thought into every scene, and that the sequel will hopefully have as much depth and soul to it, too. Offer us beautiful robots, monsters, and actions scene, yes; but don’t forget what the movie was about first and foremost – the power, beauty and complexity of human connection. Another thing that sort of completely turned me off about the teaser is the choice of music. The Pacific Rim’s main theme is one of the most addictive and distinctive movie themes I’ve ever heard. The first few notes start to play, and that’s it!  I’m back in that world!

Even the movie trailers of the first installment chose a soundtrack that had strong elements of pure epicness to it.

For example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5guMumPFBag , and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUR1IoPdBg8 Everything felt like it was larger than life and imposing. While that “I’m a Beast” song, combined with the would-be flattering message “a Jaeger is YOU times a thousand and tall as a mountain”, seems to have been put out there to appeal to self-centered and easily influenced kids in search of thrills who are supposed to go “Oh yeah man!  I’m a Jaeger, I’m a beast, I’m so cool, dude!” Maybe I’m getting too old for this (I was born barely 6 months after Herc Hansen, after all).  But, to me, it basically looked like the teaser was meant to be the equivalent of a sports car line publicity, with Jaegers replacing the cars! I just…  I don’t get it.  Yeah, this worked for the PPDC’s glory days, I suppose; and if the world has reverted back to that mentality, then please, by all means!  But still, I’m hoping it’s just a phase, and they’ll move out of it soon. And, while the music in the trailer itself takes back some elements of the original soundtrack, it’s weirdly mixed with a rap song, and combined with videogame looking CGI.  Somehow, this makes me feel like I’ve just stepped into a completely different world that has very little to do with the massive scope and depth of the original. Don’t get me wrong, I can appreciate a good rap song remixed with a movie theme every now and then...  But here, I find it to be heavily distracting, and it makes me disconnect from that sense of awe I get every time I watch those huge robot titans appear on screen in the trailers the original “Pacific Rim”. It works for movies like “The Fast and the Furious”, but here it messes with the overall tone, and gives me the impression that the robots are once again an oversized version of a sports car and next thing you know we’ll be watching them racing each other for thrills! If they keep at it, I’ll start nicknaming that sequel “Pacific Rim: Tokyo Drift”. That being said, there are a few things I’m excited about. Like the return of Mako Mori, Newton Geiszler, Hermann Gottlieb, and the fact that Gipsy Avenger looks like the child Gipsy Danger and Striker Eureka would have had together if Jaegers could make little Jaegers.  Although I am slightly concerned about how they will be using those beloved characters in the new installment. I’m also glad that John Boyega seems like such a huge fan of the first movie, and therefore hoping that’s a good sign, and the storyline will remain true to the first movie, and the extended universe that we’ve gotten thus far. I’m also curious regarding how they will be explaining Jake’s Pentecost backstory, and why Stacker and Mako have never mentioned him in the original movie.  Was Stacker even told he had a son (otherwise, I would have expected him to have some parting words for him as well, regardless of whether Jake was there or not, considering that the missions are usually recorded and/or Mako, Herc, or anyone else who would hopefully survive the mission could have relayed his father’s words to him), and how old was he when his father died? And looking at Stacker’s own backstory, i.e. his father having been killed in a fight with a club owner (where his mother was performing) when he was only 10, and little 10-year-old Stacker burning that club down and attacking the club owner in response… Well… It seems that little Pentecost babies tend to take losing their fathers very seriously, and will come after whatever is responsible for their death with everything they’ve got, apparently.  Which I do find rather interesting. Otherwise, I’m also a little concerned regarding how they will handle Raleigh, Herc, and even Tendo’s absence from the movie… Basically, I still plan on going to see it, but I’m having huge mixed feelings about it, and trying to keep my expectations as low as humanly possible (going down to the breach deep under the Pacific ocean to be sure...). That being said, please don’t let my own doubts, concerns, and personal preferences keep you from being all psyched about the new sequel, and loving the teaser and trailer to death! Truth is, if the original had never existed, and that trailer had been my very first introduction to anything “Pacific Rim”, there’s a possibility I would have been jumping up and down, cheering, and unable to wait to see that movie! I do love “Transformers” (in general), used to be a huge fan of “Power Rangers”, and my favorite TV show as a small child growing up was “Goldorak” (in English “UFO Robot Grendizer”). But “Pacific Rim” had a very different and unique feel to it that felt inspired by those series, without exactly becoming them.  “Go Go PPDC Rangers!” doesn’t sound quite right in my mind... Except here.  Probably the only place where I want to see those two related.  Lol!

[davidcarterr]

Elijah Berle Interview

Elijah Berle-Chinatown. Photo courtesy of Vans

Sometimes the stars align and sometimes they don’t. This Elijah Berle interview has been on the boil for a good few weeks now but a combination of bad phone connections, ridiculous amounts of travelling, (on Elijah’s part) and a number of logistics foul ups had us thinking that it would never happen. Just when we’d given up on the idea, I received a phone call from a random US number and on picking it up, was greeted by the extremely fatigued sounding voice of the man in question. Had I known beforehand that he’d been to New Zealand, China and Brazil in the last four weeks that I’d been chasing him, I’d probably have given Elijah a break but, as they say, ignorance is bliss. Big thanks to all at Vans for facilitating this one, and even bigger thanks to Elijah for taking time out of his stupidly busy schedule to chat Natas spins, Venice history, Dill’s teeth and invert technique with some random Brit less than 24 hours after landing home in the USA…

How many interviews have you done this month?

(Laughing) I’ve lost count man honestly, I’ve pretty much been doing them non stop for the last three weeks. It’s cool though – it’s all part of the job these days. Sorry for lagging on this one…

When you were asked about how you got into skating on The Bunt, you said that you were ‘born into it’ – is it true that both your mother and uncle were skaters before you picked one up yourself? Was this something that you saw as a kid?

Yeah that’s it. Around the time when I first picked up a skateboard and started getting into it, my uncle would take me to skateparks at the weekend. He was fully into it himself so I guess that made it less of a chore for him. My mom knew how to cruise around too. She was cool with us skating up and down the drive and would come out and join in sometimes. They were both coming at skateboarding from a positive perspective because of it, which was cool as a kid. It seems cooler now as an adult than it seemed back then though…

Growing up in Santa Monica, you’re pretty much in the heartland of some deep, deep skateboard history that shaped the future – was this something that you were aware of as a kid skating around there?

I did grow up in right in the centre of a pretty heavy place in terms of skate history but it wasn’t something that I was aware of when I was young. Obviously I knew that there was skateboarding going on everywhere around me, but I didn’t really connect the dots till later in terms of the historical side of Venice. I’d hear stories about how famous videos had been filmed around where I grew up, but as a kid it didn’t really mean that much to me because it was just how that area was – as a kid you only know what you’re exposed to and to me that was surfers and skateboarders. Skateboarding is a lot more ‘normal’ here than it probably is in the UK – it’s just like having a bike or something so everyone skates really.

Within a small area of Venice there are so many spots that have been massively important to skate history – from the curbs down at the beach, to what used to be The Pit with the ledges that everyone recognises, through to things like the fire hydrant that Natas did the ‘Natas spin’ on. Given that you grew up around these places, did they still seem as magical to you as they did to a kid like me, growing up 1000’s of miles away?

(Laughing), I definitely know what you mean but honestly, it’s hard for me to imagine it from your perspective because to me, the Venice curbs were just our local spot, you know? We’d never been anywhere else at that point either as we were just little kids, so to us it was really just our neighbourhood. We definitely spent a lot of time skating those curbs though – that was the hang out spot; go surf, watch the sunset, try to get somebody to go buy us some beers, (laughs)…

Yeah that’s one benefit of living in the UK – it’s definitely a lot easier to get beers underage…

Yeah so I hear man. It certainly looked like that on the times when I’ve been over. People drinking everywhere!

Elijah Berle Backside airs for Anthony Acosta in BCN, another spiritual home of liberal cerveza consumption

Which of the famous Santa Monica/Venice spots did you actually get a chance to skate? I’m guessing that the Pit ledges might already have been gone when you were pretty young, right?

Yeah, that was before my time unfortunately, they were already buried by the time I was old enough to start exploring. I heard that place was pretty sketchy towards the end though, so maybe it’s a good thing.

You must’ve done a pilgrimage to the Natas hydrant though, right? I’m pretty sure that’s mandatory for anyone in the Santa Monica area…

Oh yeah, once we were old enough to be clued into that, we definitely took a trip across Venice to pay our respects. I think I’d probably skated past it hundreds of times before I put two and two together and realised that it was the actual Natas one though. I actually did a Natas spin on it a while ago too, stuck it up on Instagram just to show some respect. It’s exactly as it was when he did it too, with the signpost next to it so you can get off the hydrant. This whole area is pretty much a skate museum once you get into it I guess…

You have mad tranny skills too, so does that mean that you were a skatepark rat too in the beginning?

Yeah kind of: I’d go to this skatepark in Santa Monica called ‘The Cove’ with my uncle quite a lot when I was younger. You had to wear a helmet though which sucked, but as a kid you’re only really thinking about skating. I’d run the helmet religiously from the age of about 10 till say 14 or so, at which point I started to be over the helmet which I guess pushed my friends and I to go skate street more. I definitely grew up skating parks though – I got a good upbringing on transition. There were a few years where I didn’t, once I’d started street skating more, but I guess the kid years in the helmet were imprinted in my brain because I could still skate tranny pretty well. There were also a lot of backyard mini ramps around too, that was another pretty normal thing for me growing up. I had one in my backyard, the skate shop had one…

What was the deal with your ramp? In that interview you did with Hamish you mentioned that some of the neighbours were cool about it and some weren’t. Is it still there?

Nah, that ramp is gone now. We did pretty well though – we had it for four years. The city made us take it down in the end because of permit bullshit because it was too big of a structure to have in the yard without the right permit, but it was sick whilst we had it. It was the first ramp that we’d ever built too, which kind of made it special. Took us about a week to build – 5 and a half feet high with a seven foot extension: that’s where I really learned how to skate transition properly I think. Most of my trick bag comes from that thing. You don’t tend to see backyard ramps so much these days, maybe because Venice is mad expensive now but back then, as a kid, everyone had a backyard mini ramp.

What about seeing famous skaters around Santa Monica/Venice? Were you aware of pros being in the area and/or people filming at these spots that were so local to you?

We’d see them out filming yeah, I didn’t know who any of them really were at that stage but I knew they were pros because they’d have people filming them and all that. It was pretty normal to see it, but I wasn’t really a kid who looked up to any skaters in particular. Skating was just something that I did with my friends. I was never really chasing after getting sponsored or anything…I know everyone says that, but that’s how it was for me. Things just kind of happened…

You’ve mentioned before about how the Venice park is this crazy showing off kind of place these days, with 100’s of kids flying around entertaining the passers-by and because of that, you don’t tend to go there much yourself, despite it being on your doorstep. Is that still the case?

I do go there a bit but yeah, it’s generally pretty crowded. I do like skating the bowl there when it’s quiet but it rarely is, especially in the summertime. It’s just one of those parks that attracts huge amounts of spectators, because of where it is I guess. When you have that many tourists hungry for entertainment, that’s when the full-pad fly out demo’s start: I can’t handle that vibe really.

Do you ever see Jesse Martinez down there? He was the unofficial caretaker of the place for a long time I believe?

Yeah, I see him from time to time, you never really know when he’s going to show up but he definitely still localises it. I’m sure he’s still skating when it’s empty you know – he’s Venice royalty.

Can you see yourself living anywhere else but Venice? Are you not tempted to move up to L.A?

I think I’ll probably stay here. I travel that much these days that I love having somewhere relatively mellow like Venice to come home to. I’m not sure I could handle the traffic and general chaos of L.A as an actual resident. Venice can be hectic too but it’s generally mellow and has that kind of ‘people hanging out on the streets and walking around’ vibe that places like L.A just don’t have because of the size of them.

Santa Monica and Venice used to have kind of a bad rep back in the day – can it still be sketchy around there sometimes? Like people who don’t know the area wandering off into the wrong neighbourhood etc?

Oh yeah, it can definitely still be sketchy. It’s nowhere near as bad as it used to be back in the day but if you get into it with the wrong people, shit can still get hectic pretty quickly. The whole Venice/Santa Monica area has definitely been gentrified over the last decade so you don’t see that side of it as much as you used to but the sketchiness is still here, away from the main strip.

You’ve been travelling a lot recently whilst we’ve been trying to get this done – were you just in New Zealand?

I was in New Zealand, but I’ve been to China and then to Brazil for a week each after getting back from NZ. That’s all happened in the space of like 4 weeks…

Shit! I feel bad for harassing you now…

(Laughing), it’s all good man. I got home from Brazil yesterday and honestly, I’m pretty happy to be home now. That’s a lot of miles in a month, even for somebody like me who lives on that kind of schedule. I’ve been going pretty hard. I’m excited to be back for the summer, spend some time with the lady and the family, chill out at the beach. Just back into Venice time…

Did you go anywhere that you hadn’t visited previously?

I’d never been to New Zealand before no, I loved that place, it’s beautiful – I’m definitely down to go back there again. Lord of the Rings shit – it’s crazy – like big cities and urban but also tropical too. I loved it there.

Any Lee Ralph sightings?

Unfortunately not, he was staying a long way from where we were in Auckland.

Was this for a Vans project?

Yeah, a filming trip for Vans: Full mission style – trying to squeeze every minute in, and hurt as much of my body as possible, (laughs).

You’ve got a good repertoire of inverts – what’s your favourite upside down move and why?

You know what? I haven’t done many inverts in a while. I don’t want to say that I’ve lost touch with them as they’re probably still in the trick bag somewhere, just that I’ve not had the opportunity recently. My favourite one to do would be the eggplant I think. It’s the scariest one too because that trick can go wrong so badly if you miss your hand placement, I’ve done that before. Straight down to the flat bottom on your chin, which is never good. In terms of the feeling of it though when it works, I love that one.

Ever got any constructive criticism from Grosso on your invert technique? It’s a topic he definitely likes to talk about and, with you both riding for Vans, I was wondering whether he’s shouted at you for incorrect technique…

(Laughing), no, surprisingly: I think mine slid under his radar…

Or maybe they were just legit enough to get a Grosso pass?

I very much doubt that. Maybe there were just plenty of other worse offenders out there in terms of technique so that I escaped without getting a tongue lashing, (laughing).

You joined Fucking Awesome relatively recently which is a brand with a huge profile and a team scattered around the country – who do you skate with the most?

I skate with AVE a lot. Aidan and Sean Pablo are around in L.A. too so I see them quite often. Nak and Kevin Bradley all live around Venice so we’re out together pretty often.

Is there like an official FA HQ where people meet up to go on missions together, or is it more of an ‘everyone’s on their own mission’ kind of vibe?

Just wherever we’re skating normally but we do have a warehouse kind of in the middle of where everyone lives. We’ll go there to collect boards and whatnot and go off on missions from there fairly often. It’s the warehouse that Dill posts footage of on the @faflatgroundentertainment Instagram sometimes. There nothing much there, but everyone loves nice flatland don’t they?

Everybody loves a Jason Dill story and you’re in a good position to have witnessed countless Dill antics – do you have a good anecdote about the boss for us?

(Laughing), yeah I’ve got a good one actually that happened recently. I watched him get carded for cigarettes a few weeks ago and he didn’t have any ID on him so was snapping pretty hard at this lady in the store. He ended up convincing her to sell him cigarettes by verifying his age via his teeth, (laughing). His teeth are allegedly ‘fixed’ but compared to your average human they’re still pretty fucked up. He basically made her look into his mouth whilst saying, “Look lady, look at the state of my fucking teeth – do you really think I’m under-21?” Kind of bamboozled her I guess as I’m assuming that’s not the average interaction in her store. Whilst she was still staring at him with this puzzled look on her face he just threw the money down, grabbed the cigs and goes, “Alright, have a nice day lady!” Not that unusual with Dill really, there are endless amounts of stories but that’s a funny one that happened recently.

Look lady, look at the state of my fucking teeth – do you really think I’m under-21?

So aside from the release of this Vans shoe, what else have you been up to of late?

Like I mentioned earlier with all the trips I’ve done in the last month – that’s all for a video part that Greg Hunt and I are working on. It should be out in the next couple of months, hopefully…

Is this a solo part?

Yeah, mainly me I think – at least in terms of having a ‘part’. There will be some footage of other people in there, whoever has clips, but yeah, it’s basically a solo part. Not that I’ve been travelling on my own with Greg, other people have come along too, but the focus for me at least, is working on this project.

You were pretty vocal about SOTY the year that Guy didn’t win – you’ve gotta be hyped on TJ wining this year though, right? Pretty much undeniable that choice?

Yeah, I mean I honestly can’t think of anybody else who has done what that kid’s done over the last year. He definitely deserved it. He’s a hard worker. He’s gotten so gnarly so quickly – definitely the Skater of the Year in my eyes.

Do you get to skate with him a lot? He must be incredible to watch in the flesh – the amount of pop he has is supernatural…

I haven’t really skated with him that much because him and Bill were on, not a secret thing as such, but like really low key and focused. They didn’t really want too many other people around whilst he was filming for Blessed. TJ is really driven, as is Bill, and they had a fairly defined idea of what they wanted to get and where they wanted to go, so they kept it low key to avoid getting kicked out of spots because of having too much of a crew tagging along.

Going back to filming – what’s your take on that part of your ‘job’? You’re from the generation where it’s normal to always be filming, whereas pros from earlier eras kind of looked at it sometimes as being a pain in the arse. What’s your position? Do you enjoy the filming process and everything that comes with it?

Honestly, I love it most of the time. When it’s going good, I genuinely enjoy it but then of course when it’s not going well, it can be the worst thing ever for all involved. It’s just the nature of it, you know. With that said – for somebody in my position, filming is what you’re supposed to be doing. Like you say, it’s ‘the job’ so it’s not really up to me anyhow. I need to do it, whether I feel like it or not. It’s definitely easier when I’m working with somebody like Greg Hunt too, who I have a lot of history and a friendship with. It is what is…

One major difference these days I guess is that the Internet is always hungry – you can’t really just chill when you’re in your position but I guess the good side is that nothing gets wasted anymore. There’s always an outlet for footage – whether it be Instagram, quickfire stuff, full parts, even slams – does that add more pressure or do you prefer it that way?

Yeah it’s good. More people get to see everything these days – kids love seeing stuff on Instagram too, maybe things that a few years ago wouldn’t make it into a video you know? It gives people another perspective on skating, rather than only seeing the finished product. As much as people like to talk shit on Instagram and the shortened attention span that it plays to, I think there are definite positives to it. Sometimes you’ll watch a full video and it’s harder to absorb what you’re seeing and remember specific things, whereas with Instagram, you can focus on particular aspects or tricks and it makes it more memorable. That’s how I look at it anyway. It gives people a platform to focus on one thing, rather than it getting lost in a longer production. Whether that’s good or bad in a more general sense isn’t for me to say but that’s one of the positives that I take from it.

As much as people like to talk shit on Instagram and the shortened attention span that it plays to, I think there are definite positives to it

How often do you get to go skate when there’s nobody pointing a camera or an iPhone at you? Or is that just not a reality any more?

Yeah that still happens. I’ll go skate with my friends and just have fun but even then, if somebody’s trying something worth filming, I’m not afraid to break the phone out and stick it on Instagram. The whole process of documenting skateboarding is just so much easier and less complicated these days – I don’t see that as a negative thing at all. I enjoy coming across cool shit on Insta myself so why wouldn’t other people who don’t get the opportunity to live the lifestyle that I do not enjoy it too?

You’ve always rocked Vans since I can remember seeing you in clips/mags so it must be a trip to have your first pro shoe coming out, right?

Oh yeah for sure. It didn’t really seem real until I saw other people, who I didn’t know, wearing my shoe. For a while I was the only person wearing them but now I’ll be out on the streets somewhere and I’ll see some random skater rocking my shoe – that’s when it kicks in and yeah, like you say, it’s a trip. It’s weird but in a good way – a really cool feeling.

The latest colour of the Berle Pro

I know you’ve been heavily involved in the R&D side of this one – tell us a bit about that process please? How did you go about testing the new ‘waffle control’ tech? Was it a case of just skating samples and then giving feedback to Vans? Or did it go deeper than that?

It works pretty much exactly as you’ve said. It took a lot longer than I initially expected though, just because the time involved in getting samples made is much more of a hassle as they have to make all new molds in the factory first. It was nerve-wracking at times too as the deadline was coming up and we were still tweaking details but it ended up coming together and it’s a really good shoe so I’m stoked.

What’s the major difference between this shoe and the Authentic colourway that you came out with a while back? They both definitely have that Vans legacy feel…

This new shoe definitely still has the board feel that you’d expect from a Vans, it just offers a lot more support for your foot and lasts a lot, lot longer. That was the main focus really, I wanted something really durable that would last for as long as possible whilst still giving you the classic Vans board feel. I mean, hopefully that’s a win-win for the people out there buying them. They might be a little bit more expensive to start with but you’ll be saving in the long run…

How did you go about getting Eric Dressen involved? I’m assuming you and he are friends right? He’s genuinely once of the nicest human beings that I’ve ever met – almost like he’s more stoked on people being stoked on meeting him than they are.

Yeah I know Eric pretty well. I knew the kind of thing I wanted in terms of the lettering for the shoe and knew that his style would be perfect for it. I just hit him up, asked him to write my name in his style and do the little logo. He was stoked, as he always is and honestly, the very first version he sent to me was the one that ended up being used on my shoe. I’m hyped to have him involved too, like you say, he’s a really nice dude.

360 Flip. Sunland, CA. Photo courtesy of Vans

Geoff Rowley always speaks highly of you – do you have any idea what this video piece that he’s working on is going to be like? Seems like he’s going all out for blood on this one…

I don’t know because he’s been out on his own mission. Just solo style, going on crazy adventures like you’d expect. As to what’s in there, I have no idea but I’m willing to bet he’s going to surprise everyone with it.

Have you been skating any pools recently?

No recently, but I’m on a hunt again at the moment.

Any Salba sessions?

Yeah I’ve skated with Salba a few times, not as many times as I’d like to. I need to go out into his zone and get on their mission. He knows where all the pools are at.

If you could only skate one type of terrain for the rest of your life, what would you pick and why?

Transition: more fun for less work and effort. Tranny is just more satisfying to me, plus I’ll be able to skate it for much longer than I’ll be able to skate street.

What about the best skatepark you’ve ever skated?

Hmm, probably Lincoln City in Oregon. That place is really gnarly so you have to be on top of your shit but if you’re on a good one, that’s the best skatepark in the US I think.

What’s your favourite US city to skate?

Maybe New York just because it’s so much fun to skate around the city – in a way that you can’t do in L.A. for example. You can go out with a big crew in New York and just skate around – no cars, no traffic jams – just hitting things as you come across them.

You were out in London for Street League last year and I saw a few clips pop up on Insta of you skating Mile End skatepark. Did you get a chance to go anywhere else in London?

Sadly not – just Mile End and the course at Street League. I had a good time though. I’ve been over once before for the Pretty Sweet premiere but it was pouring with rain and super cold so all I saw that time was the hotel and the pub. I’d definitely like to come back and see more of London.

What’s it like being in a contest like Street League from the perspective of somebody actually skating the course? Do you enjoy it?

Yeah definitely, it’s enjoyable. That was a bad year for me to do it kinda because I was trying to film a video part too and I missed the other Street League events because of that. The London one was good though, I liked the course and the general vibe was cool.

What do you feel about the way that Social Media has made everyone accessible to every kid in the world now? Is there a downside to that?

I don’t know how there would be a downside to it really. I mean, from my perspective – the more people that see your footage the better. You’re promoting your sponsors and yourself so everyone’s happy. Then the people watching on Social Media get to see clips and whatever for free, rather than having to spend their money. Like I said earlier – I think Social Media is a positive thing, at least from my own perspective.

I’m going to be interviewing Cephas and Donovan at The Bunt later this month – any suggestions of something to ask them to put them on the spot like they do to everyone else?

You know what, I don’t really know those guys that well. I just met them both that one time when we did the podcast. I think the best advice would be to be at least as drunk, if not more drunk than they are, then go from there. That approach seems to work well for them.

Ok Elijah – thanks so much for your time – I’ll end it on a quick one if that’s ok: do you have any advice for any kids who might be reading this who dream of following a similar life path to yours? What’s the secret to success?

There’s no secret. No matter what your dream is, whether it’s skateboarding or anything else, just never stop chasing it. I mean, what better stuff do you have to do than chase your dreams? Nothing right?

Interview by Ben Powell

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The post Elijah Berle Interview appeared first on Slam City Skates Blog.

Elijah Berle Interview published first on https://medium.com/@LaderaSkateboar

[steveholley]

Seventeen Years and Counting

In February, 2002, the New England Patriots stunned the football world by defeating the Rams in Super Bowl XXXVI in the Louisiana Superdome.

This past Sunday, the Patriots defeated the Rams in the Super Bowl again but things were a little different. The Rams are back in Los Angeles for one, and the game was certainly no stunner; if anything, it would have come more as a shock if New England hadn't won Super Bowl LIII.

In the 17 years since that 2002 Super Bowl, with quarterback Tom Brady and coach Bill Belichick leading the Patriots and cementing themselves as arguably the greatest of all-time at their respective positions, the franchise has won an unimaginable six Lombardi Trophies, tied for the most in NFL history. And that's with New England having a full 10-year stretch without winning the big game. By contrast, only the Pittsburgh Steelers and New York Giants have also won multiple Super Bowls in that span - each with two apiece.

But this story isn't really about who can yell "RINGS!" It's not even really about sports, though we'll cover that.

It's a reflective piece as I sit here writing my own Super Bowl LIII story.

Let's rewind. In the late summer and early fall of 2001 as the Patriots' dynasty first began to take shape, I was a 19-year-old college student plowing my way through school and driving around in my pride-and-joy at the time: a gorgeous 1992 Chevrolet Camaro that my father bought me the year I entered college. I was still living at home with my parents, working a job I hated and still struggling to escape the stench of high school and my hometown, with no purpose or direction for where my life was headed.

I was a loner struggling with severe depression and mental illness that wasn't diagnosed until much later. I weighed upward of 240 pounds, had very little social life or even social skills and never imagined all the many things God would bless me with as I grew older and moved away. My best friend since high school had already 'gotten out' after moving to Virginia Beach following graduation. We lost touch and didn't reconnect with one another until years later. There was no social media to stay in touch with back then. When I graduated high school, few of my classmates even had internet access and e-mail from their homes. Even fewer had cell phones. Texting was still a few years away from becoming mainstream; in fact, I didn't get my first real cell phone until I was almost 23. The point is that she got out. Had I not done the same a few years later, I would have been dead before I even turned 30. The older I've gotten, the more I'm convinced of that.

In 2001, I was still in college and the University of Alabama was in its first season under a then-promising outsider head coach named Dennis Franchione, who came to Tuscaloosa by way of Texas Christian University. Andrew Zow and Tyler Watts were Alabama's quarterbacks then, with Zow leading the Tide past Auburn, 31-7, in that year's Iron Bowl at Jordan-Hare Stadium. As strange as it may seem to some of today's generation of 'Bama fans, beating Auburn in those days was our national championship game (theirs, too). To some fans, it always will be. Thinking of those Alabama teams now, it will always be surreal to me that I've watched my school win not just one national championship but five. When you watch as your school is reduced to living off its glory days while losing to teams like Northern Illinois, Central Florida (before they were the annoying hipsters of the college football world) and Louisiana Tech - twice - because of unprecedented NCAA probation, you don't expect to one day reach the college football mountain top five times in nine years.

At the time, my grandfather was going through the final stages of a terrible but courageous fight with colon cancer that took its toll on all of us as a family. No matter how I look back on it, I'll always call him that: courageous. Courageous for the way he managed to stay alert, awake and coherent even as the cancer kept spreading; for the way he still got out of bed every morning in spite of the pain he was in. On the last birthday I celebrated with him, he managed to get out of bed long enough to spend time with me because he knew what day it was. He was courageous for how he'd still find a way to put his pain aside and try to make me laugh in his darkest hours, usually by needling my grandmother over something or ranting about his love of old-school country music and, just as equally, his sheer hatred of the Republican Party. He was courageous for the way he always searched and found a way to cheer me up even when he didn't know he was doing it.

My grandfather didn't teach me anything about sports. In fact, he hated sports with a passion. He used to say that if he were ever elected president, his first executive order would be to eliminate all sports. I would always quip back, "And your next executive order will be to remove the bullet from the sniper's rifle after they shoot your ass for banning football…"

Regardless, my grandfather was never a weak man. My brother Paul and I used to joke that we were the only kids in our high school who'd have taken an ass-beating from our 70-year-old grandfather had push ever come to shove over anything (not that it ever would). He watched with Paul and I when the Patriots won their first Super Bowl, though the significance of that feat couldn't have mattered less to him. We watched that game through the 841-foot outdoor antenna he had in his garden; you know, the kind that was big enough to serve as a communications portal to life on other planets.

My writing at the time, so far as it existed, consisted of daily Chicago Cubs game stories and general team news for a start-up company, more a hobby and a release and a habit from growing up a Cubs fan than an actual job. The Cubs had a good season that year. They won almost 90 games and stayed in the playoff race until September, Kerry Wood rebounded from Tommy John Surgery to win 12 games and post a good ERA, and Sammy Sosa was still… normal(ish) at the time. I had a front-row seat to it through WGN TV and the internet (hello, RealPlayer!), still relatively in its infancy at the time.

As I've written before, what started out as me merely writing about the Cubs beating the Reds or losing to the Cardinals or vice versa on any given day from April to September later turned into me becoming a de facto beat writer for the team and going on to branch out into covering other professional sports. One of my favorite stories is when I met the late Hall of Famer and San Diego Padres great Tony Gwynn at a Double-A All-Star game in Mobile where he was watching his son play. I said something to him about a father watching his son follow in his footsteps. I thought it was almost romantic in a way. Gwynn must have thought otherwise. "Thanks for making me feel old, dude," he said (grumbled is more like it).

Any of the tales I have and the things I've done in sportswriting have happened in cities hundreds of miles from where I grew up, of course. My hometown has never been known for anything overly noteworthy. It's the hometown of George "Goober" Lindsey, eerie unsolved murders and disappearances, some of the highest rates of spousel abuse in the nation, and numerous odds and ends mysteries. And drugs. Yes, lots of drugs and drug arrests.

Once, Bear Bryant came through town in his green Cadillac and another time Merle Haggard played a concert there when he was flat broke. I think my brother said it best about our home state: "It's a strange place. On the one hand, it's beautiful with many wonderful people and a fine, distinct southern culture. At the same time, it's terrifying and home to some of the downright worst human beings and atrocities the country has ever seen, all existing together in tension and constantly ripping itself apart from within." On that he's very much correct.

Anyway, to show how much time has passed, in the fall of 2001 when the Patriots dynasty began out of nowhere, New England was still playing its home games at the old and outdated Foxboro Stadium. The Yankees were still playing at the real Yankee Stadium in the weeks after the most horrific terrorist attack on American soil, and Wrigley Field and Fenway Park hadn't yet received long-overdue upgrades that have since brought them into the 21st century.

No one watches the Super Bowl on huge outdoor antennas anymore but rather on ridiculously priced cable "bundles" or in many cases their phones, computers and other gadgets. I often wonder what my grandfather would have thought of the idea that 17 years after watching my last Super Bowl with him that we'd have the means and technology to watch the game or the NBC Nightly News (his daily, can't-miss half-hour of television) on our telephones.

My brother called me after the Super Bowl last Sunday on his way back to his apartment in Brooklyn, another occurrence neither of us foresaw growing up. We were talking about the game when he said something that really got me thinking.

"It's hard for me to believe but this Patriots run started back when I was a senior in high school," he said. "They've won six Super Bowls since I was 18 years old. I'm 35 now. Their dynasty has literally lasted half of my life."

And that's what got me started down this rabbit hole.

Thinking back on the places I've gone, all the people I've since met, my grandfather, the New England Patriots (who incidentally once played a regular-season home game at Birmingham's Legion Field vs. the New York Jets), Andrew Zow and Tyler Watts, making Tony Gwynn feel old, getting married and finding my soul mate and the love of my life and the family I have now; all the things and fears and nightmares I escaped that are both real and imagined. And of course my own health battles I've fought despite being a full 100 pounds lighter now than I was 17 years ago.

There will be other sports dynasties in the years ahead. The beauty of dynasties is that no one can predict which team it will be or even when the current ones will end. Or better still, when and where life will take us, who we might meet next, and other things and history we'll experience and bear witness to.

All of which is to say in conclusion, enjoy it. Whatever it is and whoever it is that make history, just enjoy it.

"Buy the ticket, take the ride," Hunter S. Thompson famously said. Completely separate of football dynasties and any Super Bowl, may we all keep buying the ticket, wherever it takes us.