#i almost changed it today as well
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("Always. Continuously. With increasing apprehension, and decreasing hope. I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. I will love you as a corpse loves the beak of the vulture. I will love you no matter what happens to you, and no matter how I discover what happens to you, and no matter what happens to me as I discover this." -- paraphrased from The Beatrice Letters, Lemony Snicket)
#svsss#bingqiu#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#lbh#sqq#i've been working through the series of unfortunate events and somehow that series has paired really nicely with svsss#the themes of cycling violence and what's justified and what isn't and what can possibly be done differently#and how trying to bring love and honour into the midst of it really changes nothing but also changes everything#it's just *chef's kiss*#i don't know how i can quite do my thoughts justice but i've spent the past few weeks quietly going between the two series (and mdzs and tg#as well if we're being honest they all hit similar questions and themes) and just reveling in the pain and ambiguity of it#everything is interconnected and it means you can never know what trauma and pain and necessity has shaped a person#each story goes too far back to ever ever EVER possibly see the full extent of it#at that level even communication itself is nearly impossible.#and because of that it's almost impossible to change anything. beat yourself apart and the outcome is the same#and yet ATTEMPTING to change things ATTEMPTING to do the kind thing the honourable thing is absolutely critical#because while you can change nothing you also have the capacity to change EVERYTHING#aaaaaaah i don't even know what i'm saying#but i read the beatrice letters today and the love letter just. killed me.#(obviously i cherrypicked some lines because it's three pages long but those ones felt right)#''i love you like a corpse loves a vulture's beak'' i just. can't get over that line.#to be completely changed. altered. destroyed. redeemed. purified. desecrated. reduced to nothing yet entirely necessary for another's life.#what a FUCKING line#anyway i was either going to blow up from thinking about it or else i had to exorcise it via art from an entirely different series#i've already done svsss and discworld why not throw a series of unfortunate events into the mix#i'll be honest folks i did not expect svsss to be the mxtx series that would fuck me up the most about the main ship#bingqiu is something else. i don't even know how to begin to approach my feelings on it. impossibility and necessity all at once#bizarre#my art
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ace was almosg my pfp..... but the gays won THIS time
#crimeb0ys talks#ace has occupied my mind#like the entire space#i almost changed it today as well#but the pfp also goes well w the blog's color palette#so
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if there’s no one beside you when your soul embarks, then i’ll follow you into the dark [chapter 1/?]
hayakawa aki × shy fiend f!reader
-> safe for work (for now) // 4.9k words // AO3. -> warnings: smoking, blood, cheesy, friendship, romance, discrimination, fluff, angst, pining that may or may not be mutual, soft aki, protective aki, eventual smut, eventual romance, canon divergent, fic will get into darker topics as the story progresses but i'll update the warnings as i go, chainsaw man part 1 spoilers.
Devil hunters use devils to kill devils.
The irony was never lost on you. This was a use or get used world, after all.
In the distance, your ears picked up the sounds of a fight. Explosions, rubble falling, metal crunching. It sounded far enough away for you not to worry about closing the convenience store early (not that your boss would’ve let you), but it was still close enough for you to stay alert as you stood on a flipped milk crate, stocking the fridge. The situation seemed to have settled by the time you finished and you allowed yourself to relax.
You were behind the counter reading a romance novel when the smell of dust and blood assaulted your nose, making you look up at the source. The sliding doors let out a melodic chime as a tall man with a top knot dressed in a black suit entered the store, walking straight for the freezers in the back. Your eyes stayed glued to the sword strapped to his back until he was no longer visible from where you stood.
You took a sip from your water bottle before returning your attention back to the book in front of you. Two pages later, you realize you weren’t actually processing the words on the page and, with a sigh, you flip back to try again. You struggled reading the same paragraph over and over until the sound of aluminum cans clanking against the counter top startled you. The man with a top knot (with a sword strapped to his back) had placed canned coffees and an apple in front of you.
“Cigarettes, too.”
Before he could finish pulling out his wallet, you set a white box down on the counter between the two of you. He stared down at the box of Mevius One KS cigarettes with a furrow in his brow and his eyes moved to meet your own.
“I-I have a good nose.” You anxiously look away from him and quickly scan his items, placing them neatly in a plastic bag. “That’ll be ¥4,570.74.”
The man eyed you for a moment, as if studying you, then pulled out his card to insert it into the machine until he noticed a sign with messy handwriting stating that the card machine was out of order. He returned his card back into it’s place in his wallet before pulling out cash and placing it into your outreached hand, his cold fingers brushing against yours as he did so.
“You’re good,” he says quietly.
You suck in a breath at his comment and nod, feeling unsure of how else to respond so you simply thank him for shopping at the convenience store and to have a nice day. You watch his dark form disappear down the street before letting out a sigh of relief as you adjusted the crochet beanie on your head.
+
Two or three times a week, he would come in to buy canned coffee and cigarettes. The two of you never spoke much beyond pleasantries. (“hello,” “good afternoon,” “have a nice day,” “you too.”)
Currently, he was in the back of the store by the freezers. You tried to keep your attention on your book as you absent-mindedly fidgeted with the sleeve of your over-sized cardigan.
It had been a few short months since you started working here, since you first noticed him. The convenience store wasn’t the closest one to the Public Safety office in Tokyo, but it was still frequented daily by people who worked there, including other devil hunters.
Every now and then you’d stop seeing a face come by the shop and determined that they must have been killed on the job. It wasn’t a secret that devil hunters didn’t have very long lifespans, it was the nature of the job. However, you recently found yourself feeling relieved whenever he stepped over the threshold of the sliding glass doors and greeted you in return.
You weren’t entirely sure why you felt that way. He was obviously attractive, though you doubted that was reason for your feelings.
Still, relieved as you may be, you found it difficult to focus whenever the two of you shared the same four walls.
To you, devils had an acrid smell. The stronger the devil, the more offensive the smell was. You were sure the devil hunter was human, but the scents that lingered on him were the strongest you had smelled in quite a while. The smell was stronger on him than it was on most of the devil hunters you encountered.
He must have worked closely with strong devils and the thought of that frightened you. You once heard a group of devil hunters mention a special division in Public Safety that made devils work for them without free will.
You cautiously cast glance his way as he flipped through a magazine, and you wondered if this devil hunter (your devil hunter) was involved with something as awful as that.
+
By now, he must have noticed the way you always avoided eye contact with him. You're sure of it.
You try to read but you simply could not focus and you found yourself looking in his direction every few minutes. He walked around the shop, aimlessly browsing, rather than going straight for what he came for like he usually did. You’re tempted by the opportunity to strike up a conversation with him, to get to know him a little (for better or worse), but you bite your tongue.
You wouldn’t know what to say. The majority of your social skills were learnt through reading books.
You notice that sometimes, when the store gets empty, he stares at you for a few moments, as if he wants to say something, before thinking better of it and exiting the store, leaving you to watch him from behind.
+
You felt your hands shaking more than they usually did whenever he was around. You hoped he didn't notice, though when you looked up at him, you could see him watching you. Your eyes briefly look over at the sword on his back before returning your attention back to the monitor and reading him his total.
You took his money and shakily hand him the receipt, which he takes. You quickly look away and feel his lingering gaze, followed by the small intake of breath. You get the impression that he's about to say something.
You do your best to look busy organizing your space behind the counter. Your hands were trembling, causing you to knock over a candy display. Rolls of mints clattered around your boots and you bend over to pick them up.
You hear the chiming of the sliding doors as they opened and closed and you peeked over the counter to see that he was gone.
+
A few days later, you’re stocking the freezer with drinks. Despite wearing your cardigan and beanie, you shivered as you struggled to reach the top shelves. You forgot to grab the milk crate from behind the counter to help you reach higher, but with the devil hunter in the store earlier than usual, you decided to quickly wrap up stocking so that you could get back to the counter.
Large, pale hands grasp the can from your hand, making you flinch in surprise. You look over your shoulder and see the devil hunter helping you place the remaining drinks on the top shelf. You swallow hard and avert your eyes from him.
“Thank you...” He nodded then went on his way to continued his shopping. You walk back to the register to wait for him. You felt his gaze on you but you didn’t dare look up away from the register you were pretending to clean. Your head hurt from overthinking.
You checked out his items when he brought them over to you, faster than you usually did. You were eager for him to leave so that you could focus on anything other than him right now.
"A box of Mevius One KS, please."
You were too distracted with your own thoughts that you forgot to give him his cigarettes. You apologize and turn in a hurry to reach for them on the shelf, stepping onto the milk crate, but in your haste you lost your balance. You yelped as you fell onto the cold tile, boxes of cigarettes raining down on your head.
The next thing you knew, he’s behind the counter kneeling beside you, scanning you for any injuries before returning his gaze to yours.
“Are you okay?”
You couldn’t help but notice the concern in his voice. It was a stark contrast to the stoicism he usually exuded whenever he was in the store.
You nod, feeling your cheeks heat up with embarrassment as you looked up at him. You look away again, sitting up despite your butt aching from the fall. You ran a nervous hand through your hair and realized your beanie had fallen off and the devil hunter was staring—right at the pair of fluffy ears on your head.
“You’re…” he pauses, looking at you in a way that was hard to read.
You panicked. You grabbed your beanie from the floor, clumsily hopped over the counter, knocking over the candy display in the process as you ran out of the store.
“Wait! Come back!”
He continued to call out after you, his voice growing more and more distant until you could no longer make out the individual words. Your feet feel like they’re going to give out from underneath you as you sprint along the sidewalk hoping to never see him away.
+
The following day was your day off, but your boss called you in. He fired you for leaving the store unattended and withheld your final paycheck. When you timidly tried to stand up for yourself, telling him that he couldn’t do that, he said he could because you had no human rights as a fiend.
There was nothing you could do about it.
You managed to find another job in a grocery store on the other side of town. It was farther away from your home, but safer since it lessened the risk of running into the same devil hunter again.
A few weeks later, you were working the register when you recognized his scent. Your eyes widened in horror when you realized he had found you. The two of you stared at each other.
His expression was stern and focused. There’s no trace of the gentleness he’d shown last time. A depressing reminder that this man wasn’t just a man and you weren’t just a woman.
He was here to kill you, or worse.
You were frozen in place. It’s only when he begins to approach you that you remember to breathe. You trembled fearfully as he stood in front of you.
“Hey—”
“P-Please don’t hurt me,” you sputtered out from behind the register.
His expression softens, but his eyes are steady, resolute. You can tell by the look in his eyes that he’s trying to convey some sort of message to you.
“I’m not going to kill you, don’t worry,” he replies calmly. “I’m not here to harm you in any way.”
"But you're a devil hunter... are you here to capture me and force me to work for Public Safety?"
"No."
You don’t believe him and flinch away when he pulls something from his inner suit pocket.
An envelope.
"I realized you were probably scared of being hunted, so I didn’t chase you. I went looking for you back at the convenience store the next day. Your boss said you were fired. I found out he illegally withheld your final paycheck, so I've been searching for you to return it."
Your brows furrow as he places the envelope on the counter. You weren't sure if you could trust him or not. His eyes never left your face as you looked down at the envelope then back up at him. You're not sure what to say or do, but his quiet, patient composure is a stark contrast to his intimidating presence earlier.
He gestures towards the envelope. “You can open it. I’m not trying to force you to join Public Safety. I’m simply making sure you get what’s rightfully yours. You can’t exactly sue him.”
The fact that he seemed so confident that this was going to change everything, that you're going to trust him, sends your brain into overdrive. You don't know what to do.
“Open it," he says quietly. Gently.
You hesitantly reach for the envelope and open it, finding the money your former boss denied you of. You expect him to demand something from you in return, but he quietly walked out of the store.
+
A couple of weeks later, you pick up his scent again as you’re stacking a table with cans on sale. You noticed he was accompanied by two others with inhuman scents. Both strong and familiar smells that you’ve smelled on him in the past. Devils. In the grocery store? Their casual-wear made it seem like they weren’t on official business and based on the way they were acting, the three of them seemed close.
You were nearly finished with stacking the can display, when the devils accidentally ran their cart into the table, knocking over the cans. The devil hunter turned at the sound and came over.
You’re on your knees, picking up cans and placing them back on the table to get them off the floor. The devils snickered, until the devil hunter scolded them.
"Can you two knock it off and help pick those up?"
For some reason that makes you feel embarrassed and you tell him that it’s okay. “It was an accident. Don’t worry, it’s my job to do this...”
His gaze meets yours.
“Hey," he says quietly as he approaches the knocked over cans. After taking a quick glance at you, he begins to clean up the mess while the devils continued to bicker and argue as they stacked, making a competition out of it. The way they carried themselves, like bickering siblings. Not that you would know personally, but it reminded you of siblings in the stories you’ve read. You were wondering how old they were when you realized just how tall the devil hunter actually is; he seems to dwarf the other two.
"Are you alright?" He asked, looking at the fallen cans lying on the floor. You could feel his eyes on you, looking over you as though checking to see any sign of injuries. You sneak a peek at him, noticing his eyes glancing at the beanie on your head. The beanie that covered your devil ears.
You nod, your timid and nervous nature getting in the way of the moment. He scolds the others and eventually gives them the task of doing the rest of the shopping and offering them a snack reward. They run off excitedly with the cart as he helped you stack the cans. The two of you worked quietly.
He continued helping you for a bit longer, his presence soothing rather than intimidating like before. Then, once you finish stacking the cans on the shelf, he steps back for a moment as though hesitating.
You glance at him nervously, nodding as you chewed on your bottom lip. You wondered if it’d be rude to walk away right now. Probably.
"Are you busy after work?"
Your eyes widen, and you can feel your heart beginning to beat faster. You can hear the others laughing in the distance, clearly not paying attention to the conversation taking place.
"Yes," you lied.
He made a face, as if he could easily tell that you had just lied from your tone and nervous body language, but nodded anyways. He offered to buy you something to eat as an apology for the cans and for being the reason you lost your previous job at the convenience store.
"Will I... owe you?"
"No."
You weren’t sure whether or not you should trust him. So far, he seemed to have your best interests in mind, though you knew that could also be a trick. You decided to take a leap of faith.
"Apples. I like apples."
His expression remained stoic and you felt vulnerable under his watchful gaze. People who knew you were not human treated you differently, saw you differently. To them, you felt invisible and disposable. Like something to be used and tossed away when it became too much trouble. The way this devil hunter looked at you now was different than how he used to look at you when he thought you were a human like him, but it also didn’t feel like he thought of you as something less than him. The way he was looking at you right now made you feel like your heart was in your throat. You try to swallow it back down.
“Apples?” He gives a small nod. "Then I'll buy you some.”
+
He buys you a bag of apples.
It becomes routine.
Whenever he stops by the grocery store, he would leave you with a bag of apples.
It was the kindest thing a human had ever done for you.
You craved speaking with him, not really getting much positive attention from others. You felt lonely and wondered if he could tell. You didn't trust humans but you wanted to trust him. You really wanted to trust him.
So, you tried talking to him a little bit. It was awkward and you were as clumsy with your words as you were with your body but in a few months, the two of you were able to have casual small talk. You were so happy to be able to joke with him, even just a little bit.
Your relationship with him grew over time with these simple interactions, these little moments of kindness that he showed you.
This is a stark contrast to the way devil hunters and civilians had treated you in the past. Their disdain for devils would get in the way of your interactions, but you didn’t have that problem with your devil hunter. Seeing him with his devil friends gave you hope.
You looked forward to his visits. His presence is a quiet one. He doesn't expect anything from you, nor does he ask much about you yet here you are, talking almost like... friends.
"Th-Thank you, Mr. Hayakawa." You speak his name for the first time, a bit timidly. You learned it a couple of months ago when he asked to be signed up for the grocery store’s rewards program, but you never said it out loud until now. He had just bought you apples again and you wanted to thank him.
His expression was as gentle as his voice. "Just Aki is fine."
The way he holds himself seems to have loosened up considerably. His shoulders, once stiff and tense, now hang loosely by his sides. He no longer seems quite as intimidating. And you're not sure how exactly, but it almost seems as if his presence becomes... softer.
You nod, feeling your face heat up. "Sorry, th-thank you, Mr. A-Aki..!"
You can't tell if there's a small hint of amusement in his eyes, but then again, he's hard to read.
"Why 'Mr. Aki'?" He asks you curiously.
"Did I say something wrong? Would you prefer a different title?" You nervously fiddle with your fingers.
His eyebrows knit together slightly, as though thinking. “It’s not really needed, I guess. You don't need to call me by any title or honorific. Aki's enough..." He trails off.
"O-Okay... A-Aki..."
You felt your face heat even more from being allowed to refer to him so informally. You have never spoken someone's name so casually before. You distract yourself by stiffly scanning the rest of his items.
He eyes the bag of apples sitting at the end of the register’s moving belt. "Did you want anything else?" He asks, his eyes looking back to you. Your eyes widen and you shake your head furiously, knocking your beanie off balance, slightly revealing the bottom of one of your fluffy ears. Aki eyes it, wondering if you’d notice it in time to fix it before anyone else saw it.
"No, no I'm okay! Really! The apples are good. I love apples. I-I... Thank you, Aki."
"Are you sure?" He asks and from the way his eyes were staring at your cheeks you knew he was aware you were feeling very flustered right now.
Aki’s eyes return to your visible ear. You were beginning to feel self-conscious when he leaned over the counter of the register and adjusted your beanie. “Your ear was showing. Sorry.”
You flinched at the sudden contact and as he pulled away, you grabbed his wrists without thinking. You hold onto him for a moment.
The air around you seems to heat up slightly, the intensity of your gaze rather palpable. You feel a shiver run down your spine at the closeness of the situation and notice his eyebrow raising in confusion. He seemed a little surprised by how close you are to him, but he doesn't back away. The sound of someone sneezing snapped you out of your daze and you released him.
You back away from the register, avoiding his eyes and mumbling a series of apologies before making up some excuse about needing to unclog a toilet.
(Aki watched you run off towards the back. He could still feel the warmth of your hands around his wrists as he left the store).
+
The next few times Aki went to the store, you weren’t around. He asks the manager about you and she said that you took a few weeks off.
Aki wondered why and if it had anything to do with what happened.
+
As the days passed, his curiosity over why you weren’t around grew. He doesn’t know if your last encounter with him had anything to do with that, but he hoped that it didn’t.
Your absence brought about a certain sense of loneliness, and though he’s never admitted it to himself, he starts to miss you and the moments that you’d shared with one another.
+
You return a month later, avoiding Aki's eyes as you scanned his items. You were quiet today.
As you return to your old routine, you feel Aki’s eyes trailing you. He keeps to himself and gives you space, but he’s still observant as you worked. Something had changed in your demeanor. You're being polite but distant, keeping your distance from him and not speaking unless absolutely necessary. You’re not like yourself at all. He doesn’t know why and it makes his curiosity grow even more.
"Is something wrong?" He leans forward a bit, wondering if he'd done something wrong.
"No..." You say quietly as you handed him his change, careful not to touch him.
The way that you speak makes him certain that there is something wrong; he's known you long enough to tell. Your avoidance is what catches his attention however.
You bag his items and another customer sets their items down on the belt for you to scan. There are plenty of people lining up behind Aki, so you turn your attention to the next customer as you bag his items.
“Is this about me?” He asks, once the customers have cleared the line-up. He’d been watching you interact with the other customers and noticed that you weren't behaving this way with them. Only with him.
"Yes," you say hesitantly, "But you didn't do anything wrong. It's me that's the problem..." Your face burns red. "Please don't worry about it."
"Well, now you've got me worried," he replies, his usual stoic expression giving way to genuine concern. "You've been acting a bit strange. Like something happened."
"It-It doesn't feel appropriate to say, so I'd really rather we didn't get into it." You say as you fiddled with your fingers. "It's nothing worth worrying about. Nothing bad happened and I don't think ill of you, Mr- I mean, Aki."
If he wasn’t so worried, he would've quietly laughed at your little slip up. Aki watches you as you fiddle with your fingers, a bit more concerned now. He doesn’t like not being able to figure out what’s been on your mind this entire time.
You’re keeping things vague, and it’s driving him crazy.
"So, this has nothing to do with our last interaction?" he asks you, genuinely curious.
Your face reddens even more, "It... it may have something to do with that..." You look at the clock on the wall before timidly looking at Aki. "If it's okay with you, can we talk about it after my shift ends in 20 minutes..?"
He nods, still trying not to let any emotion appear on his face.
"That’s fine. I'll be waiting for you outside if that’s okay.”
+
Fifty minutes later, you run outside, panting heavily.
"S-Sorry for taking so long. You didn't have to wait." Your hands squeezed at the strap of your cross body bag.
"I don't mind," he tells you. You notice the way his eyes scan your face, as if he's looking for something in particular. Like he's trying to figure something out. "Are you okay?"
"I'll be okay. Thank you, Aki." You chew on your bottom lip as you look at him. It all suddenly feels too real and you look down at the ground again. "I-I'm not being weird because you did something wrong. I've been acting strangely because I've recently realized my... my feelings. I'm sorry." You say quietly.
"Ah..." Aki replies softly, his attention glued to you as you nervously chew on your lip. "Can I ask you something?"
You nod. (In your head, you were mentally preparing for him to tell you to work at a different store so that he never has to see your devil face ever again.)
"You said that you've recently realized your feelings, but..." he pauses. "How long have you actually liked me?" There's a teasing smile playing on his lips.
Your ears perk up on your head, shifting your beanie slightly. "Not long! I swear, I promise it's only recent. It wasn't until I went home after the last time I saw you, when you were fixing my hat, that I realized there might be some feelings from my end. I promise I had no ulterior motives during the last ten months."
"Just how recent are we talking?"
"...Actually, maybe I did have an ulterior motive. No, not maybe. I did have one."
Your ears moved under the beanie, knocking it off of your head. Your ears lay flat against your head, like if you did something wrong.
“Really?” Aki raises an eyebrow, "What was your ulterior motive?"
"I…” You spoke quietly while staring down at his shoes. “I wanted to be your friend."
There’s a long moment of silence.
“...That’s an ulterior motive?” he asks, a hint of amusement returning to his voice. “I wasn’t expecting that.”
"Of course it is..! It was something I wanted that you didn't know I wanted. That's the definition, right?" Your face is red and your ears twitch but remain flat. "You were always so kind to me and whenever I saw you and Power and Denji behaving so familiar with each other I-I wanted that too." Your voice cracked and your eyes welled with tears.
Aki’s kindness meant the world to you and you wanted to be a part of his world, too.
He picked your beanie up off of the ground and dusted it off before placing it back on your head, carefully covering your ears for you.
“It is technically an ulterior motive,” Aki admits. He looks away from your eyes, to the ground between the two of you. “Is that really the main reason you kept talking to me?”
You nodded while trying to make yourself look at his face,
"I like you, in both senses of the word, but the platonic meaning is what I value the most. You've treated me with kindness and patience, even when I pretended to act like I was bad at my job just so I could have a few extra seconds of time with you."
Aki's expression softens.
“Do you want to come over my place for dinner?”
“Huh!?” Your eyes nearly pop out of your head at his sudden question, “Where did that come from?”
“Denji and Power will be there, too...” He trailed off.
“No, it’s okay. Thank you for the offer, though. I appreciate it but I don’t want to impose.”
“You won’t be imposing.”
He walks you to his car and when he unlocks it, you open the door to the backseat. He says you could sit up front if you wanted to. So you do. He helps secure your seat belt since you weren’t doing it quite right.
“Sorry. I’ve never used a seat belt before.”
“Never?” He asks as he maneuvers the car around the parking lot.
“Never.”
He stops, waiting for a chance to safely enter the street and takes that moment to glance at you from the corner of his eye. “You can open the window, if you want.”
Your ears perk up, pushing the beanie off of your head and onto your lap. Aki tells you which button to press and soon enough, your window was all the way down.
“Thank you, Aki.”
He nods, making a noise of acknowledgment as he turned the car onto the street. You stuck your head out the window to feel the wind whipping at your grinning face. And as Aki drove the two of you to his home, he had a feeling that he wouldn’t mind getting used to this.
#aki hayakawa x reader#hayakawa aki x reader#aki x reader#chainsaw man#aki hayakawa#hayakawa x reader#csm#fiend reader#reader insert#reader-insert#aki hayakawa x y/n#aki hayakawa x you#aki x you#aki x y/n#i hope i tagged it well enough sorry if you see this w/o wanting to#lots of mistakes but that's okay it's almost 6am i did my 11/11 post#will not be posting colour theory pt. 3 sonata chapter 1 today sowwyyy#trust me i'm trying to work on it and i have had the general story noted down but i'm having issues#i need to redo my notes bc i've made a lot of changes over the past year and a half and i need to be sure i have all the details and dates#correct or else i will explode#this was supposed to be one of my halloween posts but my tummy pains ended up being a kidney stone :(#still in pain but at least i have meds and i'm not getting nausea just from reading#csm x reader#csm x you#csm x y/n#chainsaw man x reader#if there’s no one beside you when your soul embarks then i’ll follow you into the dark#this may be my only csm/aki fic idk i don't really have plans for any more and it's been a year since i wrote the og version of this#it will be at least 20 chapters i think#i hope
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actually fuckedup so bad today i cant believe it
#Shaking and trembling and covered in blood: w-well live and learn i guess right? Can’t change the past right? Onward and upward right????#Technically wasn’t even that bad i just ate more cookies than i meant to but i was just doing so WELL and then today i ate x cals#Of my favorite sweets and I couldn’t stop myself I couldn’t put them down and im so angry ive had so much self control this whole time#I’m still gonna keep under my cal max today I’ll just have salad for dinner and black coffee but fuck man. Shit#I just kept going and got upset so i ate more to quench the feeling of being upset and Ive been stifling that urge so well#i know r3str1cting isnt healthy either but i almost forgot how scary b1nging rlly feels sometimes that was the first rlly Bad one#That wasn’t caused bc i was hungry from r3str1cting intensely but simply because i wanted sugar and couldn’t say no. And its shaken me#Ugh
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🎭 #torokatober2024 day 5/31: goggles 🎻
Ring, riiing…ring—
Click!
“Trowa! My gog—”
“I have it. Sorry, I couldn’t tell you sooner. I just got back.”
“What a relief! I’d been searching everywhere…”
“As soon as I saw it in my luggage, I figured you might have panicked. Do you need it back now?”
“No, just keep it safe…I can fly over and get it in the weekend.”
“…ha, ha…mission accomplished.”
“What?! Trowa, did you steal my—”
“No, it really was misplaced. Well, Sis would be happy to see you.”
“…just her?”
“Can’t say. Let you know when I fetch you from the spaceport.”
find the list of prompts here!
#torokatober2024#g wing#3x4#seaofolives original#gundam wing#me: oooh what if I just do this in dialogues? this'll be a cinch#narrator: it was not a cinch#sure made me realize how dependent I am on actions to nail a thing#I don't think I nailed this thing but ehhh gotta keep practicing#also guess who almost forgot to post yesterday lmao so I'm scheduling this early today#(do they have intergalactic phone calls back then? who knows man but there was already texting back then even tho trkt wasn't shown texting#also yes I changed my icon to trkt for trktober!#I figured since I love hopping corpse!quatre so much I might as well do smth with it#I'll change it back to guel after he's still my gundam boy after all 🫶🏼#(randomly I don't understand why the artists are so allergic from giving trowa an ass like hello he's an acrobat)#(he needs those glutes for those flips!)#(he doesn't even have to have domon's ass just don't make him a pencil!!!!)
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can argue to death with me about how age restrictions on youtube are necessary but i will be DAMNED before i say Hinds Hall deserved to be age restricted. average american child on youtube can listen to H*rbu D*rbu (censoring in hopes to avoid algorithm engagement with the song) which is IOF praising genocidal propaganda, and- big fucking shocker- its not age restricted. i’m 100% sure the only reason Hind’s Hall was restricted was to deliberately suppress and avoid the spread of the song.
#tauto talks#i know damn well that it doesn’t matter that it’s songs in different languages shit in arabic is not free from age restrictions just because#it would not take a kid much leg work for someone to find an english translation if they wanted it#pop culture has an inseparable impact on the public perception of so fucking much and it sucks to say but i bet some people hadn’t had#everything delivered in a way that made them care#macklemore has a weird history of social activism in his music i apologize every day for making fun of him in highschool for thrift shop#like his song kevin does a lot to tackle americas overprescription to addiction to jail or death pipeline#it is sympathetic to the experience of an addict in ways a lot of people generally in society are not#this song did a bit to turn perspective to industries at fault and not the individual suffering#so watching hinds hall be age restricted? feels deliberate. as every move of suppression has felt#feeling particularly full of grief and hate today because i graduate soon#i can only think of every writer like me who did not get to see the stage like i will and it aches#stories the world will never see because it removed the chance#it’s almost like the youth of america are some of the most vibrant and opinionated and energetic parts of the population. youth affords time#change spreading like wildfire cannot be put out as fast as it grows#keep burning#free palestine#palestine#gaza genocide#free gaza#eyes on rafah#eyes on sudan#eyes on congo#eyes on darfur#liberate the world#hoping a swift but painful death to colonization
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pro life tip: rewatching cooking crush when feeling bad will turn a shitty day into better one 💚
#axelle rants#cooking crush#a hill I'll die on is how great this show is#frankly I love it even more on a rewatch#even tho the story is quite basic it still subverted quite a few tropes#like having them not win the competition even if it vindicates their asshole classmates#by having prem and ten meet even when ten is sent far away so we don't get the usual 'they didn't contact each other at all for months'#even samsee getting mad & almost not coming to the competition was well done imo#and I still stand by the fact that tenprem are the healthiest ship I've ever seen I love them sm#actually every character in the show is very mature & open to changing themselves I really appreciate it#(and yes I DID shed tears as always when I finish an offgun show - even when I've already seen them - but I'm especially weak today lol)
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You're such a good artist and you've convinced me about Baatar being horse-coded. I'm curious what horse!Baatar looks like.
First off thank you so much you're so sweet ;; <3
Second, I'm so glad my horse-coded Baatar propaganda is working, you have no idea how long I've been ready to answer this.
Let us begin with our steed in question: - Lightly smokey copper bay warmblood: [ selle francais x holsteiner ] - Long star on his face and dainty little amounts of pastern white - Roached mane with minimal forelock so he looks like a velociraptor - 100% constantly at the ready to kick someone in the fucking face - Well known for whipping people in the face with his tail He'd absolutely be a sporty warmblood very much crushing the 5 star eventing scene. He's bougie and sensitive and ornery. His best discipline is cross country he's got the speed, stamina, and agility, second is show jumping as he sometimes gets a bit cramped in smaller indoor arenas, and then dressage. He isn't bad at dressage he's just prone to throwing a fit when something upsets him, like he will yank the reins out of your hands if he gets annoyed with your direction or if someone's phone starts ringing he'll stop dead and look around to see who it was so that they'll feel embarrassed lolol. And as good at eventing as he is it takes him like 45 minutes to wake up so if you don't prepare early, you WILL be late.
He's the sort of horse that makes you question who owns who in this situation because if his needs aren't perfectly met he will yell and scream until someone comes to attend to him.
Bonus: Custom embroidered blanket because he will still serve tactical fashion even as a horse and also he hates getting dirty.
#LoK#Legend of Korra#Baatar Jr.#LoK AU#[ hello yes I've been prepared for this for like 3 years#combining two of my fav things: Baatar and Horses#yes he maintains his rank at second in command and is indeed the empire's lead scientist still#I like you could make Baatar a horse in the show and change nothing else and everything would still make sense /j#I almost drew him with his glasses on but wanted to do this more as what if he was a regular horse#but I was joking with a friend about redrawing some LoK screenshots where I just draw Baatar as a horse and everyone else is still human lo#he'd be like Maximus from Tangled he'd still command authority from people and people do have to listen to him#I really wanted to give him cute boots as well but I wanted to get this posted today#also sorry if the text is small and hard to read I can never gauge how much text will stay legible in asks ]#Neon Ocean Art#ask matsu#anonymous
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What would u do if I told you I'm about to adopt another baby?
#emma. emma emma#she has always been so sweet and cute and and#TODAY MILO AND I WATCHED STAGE PLAY AND THE EPISODE WAS FOCUSED ON ROBBIE AND EMMA#AND. IT MAKES ME THINK THAT EMMA REMINDS HIM OF HIS SISTER (BEFORE HE DIED) AOUGH#and Andrew... having a sister... oh gos#Milo was to one who said this but#he looks so surprised but sounds almost happy. and that makes me so ill#also. they remind me a little of silver red and crystal#silver being andrew crystal being emma and red being robbie#like. robbie is the lonely kid who doesn't seem to have anyone to be by his side and to support him#emma is the sweetest and even when she feels bad is always there to support thw others and it's almost like a leader in her own way#and andrew. well. he is the lonely sad guy who had a terrible childhood and IDK HIS PERSONALITY REMINDS ME SO MUCH TO SILVER TOO#I'm so insane rn#I don't know much of Emma's lore. I need to read it#but the idea of the 3 of them being family.... aough#I know that Wu Chang Ursa and Magnolia and Luchino are kinda taking care of robbie and Andrew almost at the same time#well. Robbie is more like Luchino's baby and Magnolia is more like Andrew's aunt BUT#AOUGJHH#I DON'T CARE. ALL OF THEM ARE MY KIDS AND TAKE TURNS TO TAKE CARE OF THEM WIWIWIIW#EMMA COME HERE YOU ARE GOING HERE TOO#🕳️ // blah blah#(☆) 。.゚— Andrew Kreiss#(☆) 。.゚— Robbie#should I make a tag for Emma?#yeah why not#(☆) 。.゚— Emma Woods
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.
#if i'm quiet it's bc i'm still processing#i haven't reached the acceptance point pointvand i can't be glib or funny about it#i keep just starting to full-on sob#like a lot of it is selfish - comparatively i'm better off than many and not much will change right away#but i'm old. i'm not super sure i'll make it another 4 years like i just have this feeling i won't#and i'm crying for the loss of what we could have had as much as for all of those who will die#it's almost worse that there was a clear way forward that we took in a better timeline#i'm crying because there's proof that so much of this country is evil and stupid and arrogant and apathetic#huge swathes of it are not but we have to admit that there are a lot of the others#it really is grief for the united states of america that existed and it's selfish and not helpful and i can't stop it yet#today someone i work with really ssid to me 'y'all really think trump is gonna send people to your house and take you away'#and i said he told us he would - he said he would specifically target immigrants and received the reply#'well yeah of course - the illegals ...'#so many folks are already setting their sights on the next fight and ready to roll up their sleeves and keep pushing#and i just can't stop crying#palestine is gone. the supreme court is locked for the rest of my life. who knows if there will ever even be another election#maybe that was the last one. maybe that was the last one women will be able to vote in. who knows.#i remember this feeling from when my parents died but i'm not any better dealing with it now than i was then
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This is a question related to the mtt hobbies answer that you wrote, the murder trio go around the multiverse and live in a place together, then what happend to horrortale au and horrortale papyrus? If the murder trio got to meet horrortale papyrus how would it go? (The meeting propably wouldnt end well with more canon mtt haha)
aaaaa i dont think it through to be honest when i talk about that concept. they just do. maybe horrortale's issues are already solved and aliza's already gone through horrortale and somehow fixed the hellhole (ALIZA MY GOAT PLEASE SAVE HORRORTALE I DON'T CARE IF IT TAKES 10 YEARS‼️‼️‼️) by the time that horror somehow meets dust and killer (since i dont see a feasible way that horrortale could be fixed outside of aliza or outside intervention.) or maybe he just visits from time to time. and by time to time i mean probably quarterly weekly. idk sorry i cant be bothered to think about it,,, they just do. anyways bad answer i KNOW I KNOW put the tomatoes down pls PLS
if the mtt met horror paps? horror would obviously do his little bantering thing with paps (he's probably revealing every single one of horror's embarrassing moments to them as they speak and horror's desperately trying to get him to shut up because he can tell. dust and killer are piiiiiiissed.) dust is probably like eerily calm during the whole thing. he manages to hold up a conversation pretty well with horror paps and gets along with him good enough without mentioning that theres a ghost version of him screaming asking why dust is ignoring phantom paps. meanwhile killer is mostly silent during it too probably only responding when he's spoken too. i mean like killer already doesn't like being around papyruses (papyri? papyri is so shitty i dont like it we will be saying papyruses) and then seeing horror's papyrus??? what the FUCK happened to horror paps??? sunken in eyes and cracks in his bones and those jagged teeth AND THEN THE FUCKING CROOKED SPAGHETTI????
needless to say once horror paps is gone all of them get into a biiiiig fight. dust drops the cool act because he's not gonna lose his cool around a papyrus but also he's absolutely fuming. he can tell that the changes that phantom papyrus has gone through have something to do with horror with the way that he's acting. killer is also incredibly irritated too (surpringly. being around papyruses just gets him like that) and seeing papyrus like that just gets him upset and angry. like wtf horror did you even TRY with keeping your papyrus safe??? at least killer reset his au and now papyrus is living an unharmed life (with minor concerns about killer's whereabouts but he'll ignore that for now) but horror paps looks so fucked up that there is no WAY that horror tried to prevent him from getting to that point
obviously they fight and many many many many MANY words are said about eachother's characters and the state they left their respective papyruses in. horror knows damn well that horrortale paps's state is because of him but he regretted telling paps to eat humans and neither dust nor killer knew the struggle of living with that guilt and how much he regrets it so they dont get to drag him for not trying hard enough to keep papyrus safe. dust is definitely getting some low blows here and there (but he's getting fucking assisted by phantom paps so he's got some of the deepest hitting insults) and he's definitely getting ganged up on for killing his papyrus and like. not even attempting to leave him alive in someway shape and form aside from the absolute insult that is phantom paps. surprisingly killer is winning this fight because he left his papyrus in a relatively good state. even though he's in a more emotional state than he normally is and would've absolutely OBLITERATED dust and horror in the fight in stage 2 he's actually doing pretty well. probably because hororr and dust dont really have anything to drag him on. they might bring up how something new papyrus is searching for killer but like,,,, is that really that bad compared to how they left their papyruses
#time to die i almost forgot to answer this today#WHO AM I IF I LOSE MY STREAK!!!! MY ASK STREAK!!!!!!#time to call up tumblr to restore my streak if i miss a day#streaks! streaks! streaks! streaks! i say as i take several photos of me winking at a high angle#i dont even use snapchat. i do think streaks are a funny concept though#i'd KILL (hah) to have a streak with someone#the only person i ever message on snapchat regularly is my ai and thats only to belittle it#noooo dont do that says dust because then one day the robot will come alive and kill you#okay reset induced ptsd survivor lets get you back to bed#it'd be funny if he believed in dumb conspiracy stuff like that. and not dumb shit like flat earth#im not big on conspiracy theories but i think if he were fucked up enough or going through a manic episode he'd believe stuff like that#UGHHH did i mention how much i love manic dust. speaking of mania and dust#i made an eensy teensie little change in mania's design#the cyan in his eyelight is bigger now to emulate what a manic pupil looks like#heh.... its the smal detsild that matter.... i say as i dont incilde any details in my art#okay because i feel that all of this i incredibly wrong and ooc its time to justify my thoughts or else i'll feel unworthy of posting again#dust manages to keep his cool around papyruses pretty well (in win win scenario) even though he's got phantom paps with him#and he CAN do crazy switch ups like that just on a whim like when he suddenly killed flowey after teaming up with him in last chance#so i think its totally believable. dust can put up a NASTY facade of composure despite being furious underneath#and killer? you just be killer. how many times am i gonna make that joke you ask. not enough times because its funny every time#because he does get ansty and stuff around papyrus and apparently papyrus is his hardest enemy to face#must be because he feels something for him that bothers killer. like guilt or something#and if he feels guilty over what he did to papyrus then he must care and therefore care about papyrus's well being#and therefore that bleeds into horror paps and then that care turns into anger#crazy coming from killer saying that horrot doesn't care enough but i think its totally possible#i might be wrong though please shoot me if i am. i still need to resd up on my killer lore#ive been TRYING okay.... ive been trying been trying with killer. hopefully its enough....... (NO i say. who are you talking to)#tricule asks
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Hello (again :6) !!!
#hola soy tora#aaaaah it feels interesting to be back#almost been a whole year!#and wow it's been rlly hectic#but that aside#hello (again) !!!#and super duper big thank you to the new milestone reached!!!#you guys are awesome#hope y'all are all good!!!#it'd be nice to catch up with the people who I haven't spoken to in so long😭#and also the biggest thank you to everyone who left me those sweetest comments you don't know how much they meant to me 🥹#like seriously thank you so much they were very much needed and well received#I'm not entirely sure how to use this blog again I feel like a ton has changed but I *think* I'm gonna make more gifs? but I think it'll#take a while cause I'm rlly not up to speed in anything at all#today was my final day (and exam!) for first year uni!#can you believe that? :0#anyways thank you so much for everything and I'd hope to be back gradually!#and upload my new pinned post!#I actually made a priv account here so I wasn't totally gone but that happened a good while into my hiatus ahahaa#lmk if you want in to the priv teehee#🫶#OH I ALMOST FORGOT#I HAVE#A RECS BLOG!#it's @scaramwah#teehee#<- I'll rb the pinned if you wanna check it out! it's sparse rn but I'm on holidays now so I can fill it up more!#actually I have a billion blogs I'll make some known in due course ☠️#( queued )#<- I'll be back tmrw ! today was tiring :(
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has been on t for nearly a year. gets asked if ive started t. gets told im not a man by parents. dad tells me to stop watching a video he wanted me to watch because theres a part about "cutting off genitals" and he thinks ill get offended. boy oh boy i love being trans we are having so much fun here.
#i admire yall that talk about trans joy and euphoria but truly i am suffering#and hashtag it gets better i know but ffs#i literally almost told my dad to go fuck hisself earlier when he said i wasnt a man#hes extra transphobic today idk why#maybe cause i posted about changing my name again lol#well pussy shouldve stopped at 2 and then we wouldnt have had this problem
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my uterus hates me so much this month. my period is literally twice as heavy as it usually is on day 2. like wtf
#and my period is usually very heavy as well btw#so this isn’t like. “ooh it’s heavy enough that i need to use the chunky tampons”#this is like “I stood up for one second and blood ran down my leg and into my jeans”#>:/#i use period pants which normally last all day or maybe almost all day. like i might need to change them at 8pm if it’s particularly bad#today they lasted me to 3.30pm.#at least it’s less painful than normal!#and hopefully the extreme heaviness will mean it lasts shorter#FUCK YOU DROPPING PROGESTERONE LEVELS!!! 🖕#i think that’s the hormone that causes menstruation anyway?#might be estrogen. feel like it’s progesterone though
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Hello MagiQuest community, I am here finally with a happier, more historical post!
While going through a photo album, I found a picture of little me from 2003, playing in the water fountain in front of MagiQuest!
"But Ecto", you may say, "MagiQuest didn't open in Myrtle Beach until 2005!" And you would be right! Upon further observation of this grainy kodak, I noticed this sign above the outdoor ticket booth that reads "Butterfly--"
And I found this odd. Of course, being literally almost 2 years old, I didn't remember what the hell was there before MagiQuest ever opened. So after a very quick google search of "broadway at the beach butterfly".... Turns out, it was a Butterfly Pavilion!
damn, what dreamy architecture! Here's a side-by-side of both businesses when they inhabited the same building!
The building was built by Gateway Construction, and developed by Mozingo + Wallace in 2001, and with not much to go on, the Butterfly Pavilion closed sometime in 2005, with the first iteration of MagiQuest taking over in the summer of that year. (I found yelp reviews from 2006 asking if the Pavilion was open, and one reply said that it had "closed last summer")
Pictured above is the floor plan of the Butterfly Pavilion, and below are some pictures of the interior!
This explains why the ceiling of MagiQuest always had that weird grid pattern to it; It was originally a glass ceiling!
(I definitely think some of the half-walls in MagiQuest were these white ones repainted to be medieval-looking stone lol)
(^^^ The flooring (pictured left) is the same as the floor in the dungeon)
Anyways, that’s all I have for now. This has been in my drafts for a hot minute, I only now got around to adding photos lmao.
#another fun fact.. it cost that building company 3.8 Million to build the pavilion#that’s worth almost 7 mil. in today’s money#magiquest#magiquest mb#magiquest myrtle beach#magiquest broadway at the beach#love how you can still see the old movie theater in the bg as well as the old info kiosk podiums#I need to find my parent’s stash of beach vacay pics bc I know my grandma kept a Kodak strapped to her at all times… there’s GOT to be pics#of me inside the building… the only one I have where I’m a little older is just me standing in front of the gift shop door in my wiz garb :#I also totally believe they re-used some of the tree assests for the fairy’s treehouse#definitely re-used that mural in the last pic of this post as bg scenery on the walls in the main game room#I’m gonna dig deeper and see if I can’t find renovation notes from when they changed to MagiQuest
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[PREV]
April 20, 2026: 10:38 AM
You briefly consider checking the Court Record, distantly aware that you are mid-trial and that you probably should do your job. However, the (possibly literal!) siren song of New Music calls to you, and you fumble around with your phone under the defense bench. You just have to know what these Gavinners sound like--and you're not above listening to their music in the middle of a courtroom. Though you do pull out your headphones, too. You're not a public menace, after all.
Opening up Spooftify, you search up the band and put their latest album on.
This is....is this music? It's awful, as far as you're concerned--too noisy by far, and the lyrics--they're so on-the-nose it's not even funny. You fight to not throw your phone across the courtroom in shock when you look at the band's page--they have how many monthly listeners? This is absurd! It's a crime!
...or maybe the real crime is the one that was maybe committed by. Um. You check your notes briefly as you peek back around at the courtroom. Olga Orly? That's got to be the witness's name, right? You vaguely understand that while you've been distracted, Mr Gavin has argued that Ms Orly is the person with the real motivation to do the murder.
You can't stand listening to this noise anymore, so you rip your headphones out and try to figure out what's going on. Okay. Recap: Olga Orly was in the basement room as Mr Wright and the victim (Shadi Smith) played poker, and had been convinced to help Smith win the game by adding an extra card into Wright's hand--which would expose him as having 'cheated' and nullify the game? Wow, there's a lot of poker knowledge that goes into law, apparently. Either way, you know that the idea of there being five aces in the deck is important.
Where do you go from here?
#adventures by committee#aa4#ace attorney#so far this trial apollo has started off very law-abiding#and then spent the rest of it on his phone#would YOU let him defend you?#also a;slkdfj plz excuse my Actual Spotify Screenshots#shhh my music taste is. well it sure is.#bonus points if you guess what album i edited into guilty as charged#ANYWAY hi hello are you reading these tags? it's my birthday today#technically. it's not really the 17th until i sleep and it is almost 2AM#soooo#whatever#close enough though#tumblr just refuses to let me update my blog description a;lskdfj#i just want to change my ageeee#ANYWAY#enjoy the poll hope you make good choices#what are the good choices? it's a mystery#goodniiiiight
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