#i adore tom but writing abt him feels weird to me :(

[mikalame]

Heyyyy I’ve been reader some of your stuff and I really like it!!🫶🏻 Could you write 2005 Tom and same age reader are Friends and she finds out Tom has already had his first kiss and reader is kinda embarrassed that she hasn’t yet so one day she goes to toms house and they start talking abt their life’s and they get to the topic of kissing and she confessed that she hasn’t had her first kiss yet and we’ll dosent know how to kiss and Tom decides to show her how to kiss like the good friend he is and it js leads them to making out and getting caught my Bill! Please and thank you!!🖤

OMG thx so much anon 🫶 this migh be a lil rushed but np

taglist: @oppopotamus @violentnewmarley

'BAM' Tom rushes in the room, the door slamming behind him "TOM HAS GONE IT AGAIN GUYS, UGH ARENT I AMAZING" Tom yells his voice echos though the house "ugh tom shut up whats happened now" Georg groans sitting next me placing his phone on his leg looking at tom with a bored exspression while rolling his eyes as Tom drones on about how he was making out another girl while proudly showing off the hickeys adored on his neck.

Bill and Gustav come into the room, bill sits down on the opposite side of me and Gustav leans on the table in the living room bit. After a while Georg gets annoyed at Tom and starts talking about all his kissing rendezvouses, Bill desides to join in aswell they spend a few good minutes talking about this when Bill desides to ask Gustav if he had any storys to share Gustav looks down a bit embarssed before sharing his storys.

' Buzz' you look down and see your phone buzzing you answer the call after telling the boys to be quite, you hear your dad talking about how you need to come home and stuff, you bid the boys your fair wells and hug them good bye. Just before you hug Tom you look at his neck and feel as if you should of had a story to share aswell, feeling as if you are behind in life by not having a first kiss.

On your walk home you keep thinking about the convo from before feeling a weird feeling in your stomach still thinking that your behind when you reach your house you start up the computer and google 'when are you supposed to have your first kiss' you see it say that it says fifteen (this is just what google said dont feel pressure to have your first kiss) this just adds even more feeling of dread in your stomach you shut off the computer and walk to your room you get ready for bed and lie there you think back to all the storys the guys were saying today and knowing they probably have more storys they just didnt share you try to think about somthing else to get your mind off of it but cant you go to with the same strong feeling of dread.

it had been a couple of days since that incedent you still feel a bit embrassed that you havet had a kiss and so when ever one of the boys rom the table talk about a new kiss they had gotten you unknowingly zone-out trying not to draw anyattiention to your self in fear they would ask you and would think of you as less because you haven't kissed anybody yet. You though that nobody had seen you zone-out when they talk about it and how you were acting more down then usuall but somebody had the infamous Tom.

He had seen the way you look down and how you were more quite then usually, he had always love your bubbly personaity and he wanted to see what was up and what was making you feel down.

You were walking down the hall on friday ready to go home and wollow in your self pity before a pair of hand grab at your waist scaring you making your sqeal. "AH" you turn around trying to see who had done that and see Tom standing there with a grin plastered on his face "HAHA, i scared you so bad ____ should of seen your face" He says. You roll your eyes before you contiune to walk home you hear heavy footstomps behind to and see tom again in your peripheral vision "awe im sorry i scared you didnt mean it promise" he says placing his hand on his chest over his heart. He continues to speak when you dont "you should stay at our house tonight we havent had a sleepover just us in ages, we could watch movies i just rented a new one forgot the name tho and we could get snack and just chill humm how bout it" he looks at you with puppy dog eyes begging you to say yes "uhm idk..-" "comeon you seem so sad and who would be more fitting then your have person ever" "um okay fine" you groan "YAYYY" Tom yells he grabs your hand running dragging you along with him to his house.

I get pulled inside and see bill in the kitchen making a snack "help me" you mouth he shakes his head and laughs at you before heading to his room upstairs "my parents are out for the night so we can pretty much anything right now" tom says while he gets the snacks ready in a bowl "oh cool " you say still feeling a bit bummed. You grab the snacks and head to his room its not the first time you've been in there but you see new posters on the wall and a couple photos of just you two or just the band on his bedside table. "You can wear my top and and some shorts to sleep in, yk cuz you dont have anything else to wear" tom says throwing some clothes at you, you catch them "yeah and whos fault i that hmm your the one that dragged me hear, turn around so i cant put these on" you say tom turns around and puts his hands over his eyes as you put on the clothes "mabey i just wanted you in my clothes hmm" he flirts raising his eyebrows up and down you hit his shoulder playfuly".

You chuck on the movie he rented and played it, it was the new King Kong you havent seen it yet so you were very exsited. You had been so engrosed in the movie that you completely forgot about what you were feeling bad about just a hour prier to the movie. After the movie finished you and tom were talking about how good the mvie was and so on until he says the question you were dreading.

"So___whats been up with you lately you seem real sad" Tom asks worry laced in his tone, you wait a second stunned as you had completely forgot about the whole ordeal and now its coming back to you "oh um nothing im all good" you mumble before grabbing a handful of popcorn and munching on it "you can tell me ___ im your friend after all" Tom say reasuringly wrapping an arm around you pulling you close to him "no its nothing i-its stupid" you stutter realy not wanting to have this conversation "please tell me __ it seems to be really getting to you, your so quite at lunch and down really handout with us as much, did we do something to upset you, d-did i..." he says now anxious to know if they really did something bad. You pull away desiding to say this to get it off your chest " um no you didn't do anything tom um it just god this is so embarrassing, y-you remember a couple days ago when you and the guys were talking bout all your like kissing story's well it kinda made me feel like i was behind the curve and that i should of had my first kiss by now" you mumble the last bit while you look anywhere but tom. You feel him move "that all oh my days ___ you had me thinking someone was bulling you" he chuckles your face turns bright red from embarrassment and you hide you face in your hands

"If that was all it was i can kiss you if you want then you can say to people you has the awsome tom kaulitz as your first kiss" he says while pulling your hands away from your face, you look at him with a shocked face trying to think if he had really just said that "okay" he say before leaning in a bit "I dont know how to or what to do" he pulls back and say "ill teach you okay" you puts a strand of hair around your ear and wait for you to say okay once you do he slowly leans in.

You feel his lips pressed agaist yours, you take in the feeling of his smooth lips and you flutter your eyes closes wanting to really savour the feeling you, a couple seconds later you feel his mouth open and he says "just copy what im doing" you do just what he is doing just a little bit hesitant tho still unsure but feeling as if a weight had been lifted of your shoulders. After a couple minutes of that you pull away both of your guys lips swollen and i bit red you look away giggly and tom smiles before grabbing your jaw to kiss you again.

"Hey guys to got any M&M's i ate all of mine...." Bill says after opening the door and just stands there hodling his balcket around his shoulders like a cape while trying to prosses what he had just seen "uhm ill- ill come back later, have fun you to" he says winking before walking out closing the door behind him.

"We should do this again" Tom says leaning back "you getting better but i still think you need mabey a couple more lessons before you kiss anyone else" you hit his shoulder playfully "agreed" while leaning against the headboard aswell.

AHHH I hope you like anon i spent my afternoon on this (dw about the spelling lol) ❤🫶😝

[sunlightsshadow]

Heal What Has Been Hurt Liveblog

hello and welcome to the first of 5 initial (but probably not Only) posts recounting my liveblogging of Heal What Has Been Hurt by @sunlitmcgee

ch1: and the universe said "I Love You"

c! tech did one (1) good thing and it was burning the egg

gogy mention/pos

its only ch1 and they've already gone DadMode. hasnt even even , talked to the boy yet/lh

XD :D

ch2:Flower Gleam and Glow

"weirdo mother hen guardian angel nanny thing." hehehe

moths moths moths moths moths

Clara :D

ch3: I've Been Ghosting Your Dreams

i wonder how tommy feels about warm rain

my browser crashed god dad is too powerful/j

ghostbur :DDD

oh i have so many feelings about ghobur

ch4:Come, My Child

not lots of thoughts just enjoying the domesticity of the bois

did enjoy the star freckles tho

ch5:Like A Busy Bee Taking Flight

"large purple man" thanos/neg

compass compass compass compass (im wearing my Your Tommy compass my bf bought me <3)

heheh dad said pogchamp

ch6:Flying Like a Bee, Black and Yellow Energy

hehe derivikat lyrics

xd dad god. why is that form even still in your rotation/lh

ranboo/pos. i love all Ranboos

hehehe time to sin!

c! techno/neg

xd having several children who are gods and can take care of themselves and having to focus your attention on the whole of creation is different than abandoning your litteral tiny children to go adventuring w a gladiator who hears voices

xd you could have shifted forms dont yell at them/lh

ch7:Cold. Why You Gotta Treat Me So Cold?

weird schlatt tubbo/neg nightmare tubbo/neg

GOD I hate exile

I am so emotional over them GODS

I need someone to be proud of me like xd is proud of tommy

I want a god dad. the yearning is strong

ch8: sweet like honey

any time someone writes tommy saying the phrase "ill be good" istg i feel my heart break

back sore, clue #1

micha 🥺

ch9: I Think You're All Insane

_beloved family/pos

PUFFY!!

every time i manage to forget the captain is dreams mom someone reminds me :/(/hj/nm/lh)

no more memory broke :D

am i using that emoji to much? i do not care<3

god enderman lore/pos

ch10: Deep In The Meadow

i also feel Okay. this is a good place to be

there is something so personal about tommy wanting to end the cycle of abuse and worrying he'll end up like the people who hurt him

good people have intrusive thoughts tommy:(

ch11:Here it's Safe, and Here it's Warm

hehehehe Wings also toms XD would never leave you :(

"you'll instinctively know" its not instincts if it hurts Philza

god i fucking love the personification of instincts. so much. its such a cool thing

ch12:Why, Tell Me, Father?

tommy has a perfect comfy bed and doesnt wanna move. mood

tommy is starting to heal and i love that for him/gen

how DID xd figure that out?

ive just decided just now while rereading that xd was too nice to phil

"you're still here" im gonna SOB

heal! emerald duo/neg

I wanna hug tommy :(

ch13:It's a Promise for Life Between Father and Child

what if i just [takes a white out pen to tommys trauma] look now hes just a lil guy! (someone do this to me)

[beats the doomsday bitches over the head with a stick] i will actually never be normal abt c!tommy

mmmm i should play omori

tinyboo. itty bitty

i dont wana read the interaction w technoooo [reads it anyways] its important

Ghobur! he back!

i think more people should let ghostbur get angry

ch14:How Would You Know?

idk how phil cant sense the Pissed Off aura xd must be giving off rn

in which xd is my spirit animal

:D(malicious)-XD

i like his hat :(

somebody please do this w my dad

ch15: Remember to be Patient

i am obsessed w instinct stuff. lil baby birb go peep peep

i was so lost in the euphoria of birb i forgot to have thoughts

ch16:Fold Up Your Wings, Close Your Eyes

WING TIME WING TIME WING TIME

"it's beautiful… except of course for the unholy screams"

xd " claws" and " adorable" are not generally words that go together

he is SAD the baby is SAD :(

what would xd do if tommy turned into an actual baby?

"its me?" AWWWW🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

hes a baby

i will kill any god for him

baby boy

precious

oh boo even *mentions* agere how did I miss that the first time? tommy is simply baby

ch17: See the Sunset

cant see glass<3

i want a cool space blanket (I have a non-binary flag space blanket tho :3)

I also like when things make click clack noises… am i birb?

I love hiiiiimmmmm

ch18:Nothing Could Tear Us Apart

they can both be clingy it's okay

i almost forgot to open my document when I started reading again

[wilbur voice] quackityyyyy

hes not even actually here but I'm lobe himb

hehehe lovey dovey qpps/pos

i adore my qpps and my bf

GOD i am not NORMAL about platonic soulmate clingyduo there is nothing normal abt my mind state towards them!

"You were worth more than L'manburg ever was…" grrrrrr growl hiss its so GOOD

more baby birb🥺

ch19:Come out and Play

is he a demigod now?

bird time again!

i love instinct shit have i mentioned that?/hj

baby baby boy/pos

i was reading this the first time and I was just like. hes so small

i fuckin love my comfort chara using my coping mechanisms

And with that it's back to reading<3

[jawnjendes]

you never listen and i hate you lately | tom holland

AN: i wrote this in 2017 when hoco came out AND when i was goin thru a breakup. i kept putting off posting it here but now that the uuuuuhhhhhh news dropped, have some more depressing shit!

there will not be a part 2

(i would link my masterlist but its literally just shawn mendes fics lulz)

i.

It took me a moment to realize what I had gotten down to the night before. When I woke up in a hotel room that was similar to mine, but not exactly the same, a bout of nerves pulsed through my veins. I rolled over onto my back, only to discover a sleeping guy next to me.

As always, my drunk self could not be trusted.

This wasn't new for me. Every time I went out, I always told myself that I wouldn't hook up with anyone. I would just have a few drinks and then go home and be drunk by myself. More often than not, though, I would wake up naked with a random person in a random place.

I mean, this time only happened because I was invited to the Spider-Man: Homecoming premiere. I wasn't sure why, but who was I to turn down something like that? There was an after party, and needless to say, I attended. That's where things got fuzzy. I had a few drinks and talked to a few people, some of them from the movie. I didn't expect to wake up in bed with the main fucking actor.

Again, not exactly uncharacteristic for me. But it was probably the least expected to discover that I had slept with Tom Holland. I was wracking my brain, trying to dig up the part from last night where I actually met him. You would think I would remember something like that, even with the amount of alcohol in my system. For once, I even tried to remember some of the events that happened in this room, but to no avail. Shame, this one was actually hot.

He turned in the sheets, facing me. I froze, not daring to look at him for a second. He remained still and silent, probably forgetting that he brought some random girl into bed last night. This was my sign to quietly get my shit together and leave. I sat up and scanned the room for my dress.There was no way I was going to steal clothes from a fucking famous actor, I’d definitely get sued for that at some point. I found my bra hung on the back of a chair, then my underwear caught on the foot of the bed. My dress? Nowhere to be seen.

I managed to reach over and grab my lace panties. Putting them on was a bit of a challenge because I didn't want to expose myself in case Tom woke up, and I didn't want to move around too much and cause him to wake up. However, lying on my back, curling my legs, and sliding the fabric back on gave me a small flashback to when he was doing quite the opposite. He definitely knew what to do with his hands… and his mouth… My chest fluttered, but I quickly shook it off. I was in the process of leaving.

But I was sidetracked either way.

“Hey,” Tom sleepily mumbled, much to my disdain.

My hands immediately went to the blanket covering my chest and I looked at him. I was unnecessarily starstruck at the way he looked. His hair was ruffled and messy, and his neck was speckled with hickies I barely remembered leaving. His arms and shoulders looked so delicious, I found myself loathing that I was so hammered that I couldn't remember what it was like to touch him.

I pushed all of this aside. “Don't worry, I'm about to leave.”

Tom sat up on his elbow, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes with his other hand. “What for?”

In my experience of hook ups, the person I slept with normally just rolled over and ignored me when I was making my exit. Needless to say, I was thrown off by his words. He didn't want me to stay, did he?

“Um, I'm just… there's nothing else for us to do here, right?” I asked in response.

“There could be some things to do.” He smiled. “Come on, it doesn't have to end now. I had a good time with you.”

Another guy who just wants my body. No thanks. One night is enough, even if it was Tom.

I shook my head. “I should just go.”

“Okay,” he said after a pause.

It was so much easier when I was blackout drunk. Not that he wasn't attractive now, but Tom seemed a lot more seductive and alluring when I was grinding up on him at the after party. Or maybe I was just hungover and in shock that it was him I scored.

“Could you, um, not look at me?” I sheepishly asked.

Tom chuckled and dove under the covers.

Quickly, I hopped out of bed and grabbed my bra. Once I had it on, I looked around for my dress. I kept glancing at the bed, making sure Tom wasn't making eyes at me.

I groaned. “Do you have any idea where my dress went? You can look, I guess.”

He sat up, looking around at the room. It seemed like he was actively trying not to stare at me. “Have you checked the bathroom?”

Why would it be in the bathroom? I looked in there anyway and low and behold…

My pale pink dress had a mysterious red stain on the front. Great, my walk of shame was going to be even more shameful. I came out of the bathroom, looking down at the gross stain. I barely even looked at Tom, even though he was looking right at me, as I walked over to grab my shoes, phone and clutch bag.

“Okay, well,” I said dismissively, “this is where we part ways. It was good to meet you and whatnot.”

“Actually,” he spoke up as he got out from under the covers. Thankfully, he had his boxers on. “Is there any chance I could see you again? You just… you seem really cool, and I want to get to know you.”

I hesitated, but I also refrained from rolling my eyes. “I've heard it all before. You say you want to get to know me, but you really just wanna see if you can hit it again, and you'll give up when you don't. Then you'll go back to England and we'll forget about each other.” And when I watch his movie on DVD with my friends, I'll throw in a joke about sleeping with Tom Holland and my friends will laugh because that doesn't happen in real life.

He let out a soft laugh, amused by my cynicism. “Or, we could go to dinner, maybe - i-if you want - and we can have a good time that doesn't involve getting naked. What do you think?”

Another thing I've heard before. Sure, he was a celebrity and I would probably never get a moment like this again, but he was also a guy. He was a young guy, and I probably wasn't the first one night stand he's had. Why would he get attached this quickly?

Thankfully, my phone rang in my hand, giving me the chance to indirectly reject him. “I have to take this. I have to go.”

ii.

Do you believe in signs of fate? Do you believe that if someone comes back into your life that they're meant to stay in it? I sure as hell fucking don't, but I did come pretty close.

It wasn't that long after I had left Tom in his hotel room did I see him again. Obviously, I didn't expect us to still be in the same fucking city, much less the same country. I expected him to be completely taken over by premieres and interviews and plenty of other busy things, that was the realistic thought. That's what happens in real life, not… seeing him with his friend at the Starbucks by my apartment.

This wasn't the first time I saw an old flame (if that's what we're calling him), but every time was just as nerve-wracking as the last. Again, I didn't think he would still be in the country, so I was pretty thrown off when I saw him sat at one of the high tables wearing a baseball cap for a “disguise.”

My plan was to just act like I didn't see him and carry on with my day. But, with my luck, he saw me first.

Next thing I knew, it was Friday night, and I was getting ready for a date. With Tom. How did I end up here? Sure, I was sober this time around, but I couldn’t really pinpoint the moment where he reeled me in and convinced me into going to dinner with him. He told me to “look smart,” but I didn’t really want to pull out my nicest clothing for him. Wasn’t sure if he was worth it just yet. Heels, mediocre perfume, and a black dress from my dirty clothes pile worked for now.

Of course, he had to come pick me up and wait outside the car. He looked pretty decent in a black button up and dress pants. Oh yeah, he’s hot as hell. That’s why I was doing this.

“You look really good,” he told me, already sounding flustered.

I smiled. “Thanks. You too.”

He opened the passenger door for me, and I had to resist rolling my eyes. I had a cheesy night ahead if things worked out. While I was still on the fence about this whole thing, there was a part of me that hoped this would work out. So far, Tom was proving to be a decent guy.

The restaurant he took me to was quite flashy and expensive looking, but it was also dark and private. I felt way too poor and filthy to even be near this place. I couldn't even believe I was here, how would I be able to recount this whole thing to my friends? How could I tell this to anybody?

We were seated and served some fancy ass red wine, which I would absolutely need if I wanted to get somewhere with this guy. I drained my first glass quickly before the conversation could start.

“So, what have you been up to?” he prompted.

Slept with more people, but that’s boring, I thought.

“Not much,” I replied. “Work, class… a mundane life.” Way to sound interesting.

“University? What are you studying?”

Telling people information about me wasn't exactly my cup of tea, especially if it was people that weren't going to stick around. Not that Tom would do that… or would he? It was hard to tell.

“Business,” I said, giving in. “I'm close to getting my degree, but I'm not sure what else to do once I graduate.”

“And where do you work?”

How do I explain my job without giving too much away?

“It's just some graphic design thing at this one company,” I explained, then changing the subject. “That's how I got invited to the premiere.”

Tom nodded. We could both tell how boring I sounded.

“What about you? What do you, besides the acting thing?” I asked.

He thought about it. When the pause got to be too long, he chuckled. “This has, uh, been my whole life for a couple of years now. I haven't really done anything else.”

“How old are you again?”

“Twenty one.”

Great. Younger than me, and far more successful. I needed more wine.

“Can I be honest with you?” he asked.

I nodded as I poured myself another glass.

“I really don’t like fancy restaurants.”

If I had been drinking the wine, I probably would have choked on it. “So why are we here, then?”

He shrugged timidly. “Wanted to impress you.”

Shit, that was endearing… and cheesy as fuck. I couldn’t help but grin as I placed my hand on the table and reached for his.

“It doesn’t take a lot to impress me, honey.”

“Would you rather go for a pizza, then?”

“Hell yeah.”

~

The more time I spent with Tom, which wasn’t really a lot, the more attached I got. Yes, even when you spend little time with someone, you can really develop a lot of feelings. I didn’t even know I was still capable of wanting someone for something other than sex.

After our first date, I invited him back up to my apartment for that very reason, except we ended up having “that talk.” We spoke of everything and nothing. From childhood, to trauma, to which bar of Twix we eat first. I hadn’t connected with someone so well in a long time, so when he had to leave the next day, I figured it was too good to be true.

“I’ll go back there after I finish filming,” he told me over the phone. Little did he know, he was on speaker, and I had my best friend sat next to me, overhearing us. “I really do want to see you again.”

“Okay,” I replied, unable to keep down my goofy grin. “I’ll be waiting.”

When we hung up, I turned to my friend, who was utterly surprised. As I had guessed, she didn’t believe me when I first told her who I slept with at the Spider-Man premiere. This was the only way I could get her to believe me.

“But you’re never gonna talk to him again, are you?” she assumed after her stunned silence.

I was about to retaliate, but then I hesitated. “If he does come back, then I’ll probably meet up with him.”

“He said he will come back, though.”

“Yeah, but he’s also always busy in that life of his. I’m surprised I saw him twice in the same week.”

“Well… if you don’t date him, I fucking will.”

I giggled and sat back on the couch. “I don’t remember the last time I actually dated someone. Then, he comes along. Of all people.”

It was actually daunting. Tying myself down to one person, that is, if this thing with Tom works out. A week ago, I had my mind set on forgetting about him, and keeping our late night rendezvous a secret. This thing of going on a date with him and seeing him again in a couple of weeks wasn’t apart of the plan. But strangely, I was okay with it.

~

The weeks went on, and Tom was spending more and more time with me. He would fly to another city or country for some important famous person thing, but as soon as he was free, he would come back to my place. I no longer could count the hours we spent together on one hand. We made sure to stay within the safe, quiet walls of my apartment, because he was constantly tailed by paparazzi. Every moment we had was private and as sappy as you could imagine. Late nights between the sheets, lazy afternoons on the couch… it was perfect.

I shouldn’t feel suffocated, right? I spent enough time away from Tom that I still felt like my own person, and I wasn’t completely dependent on him. I liked that aspect. But every time he came back I was just as… put off. Why wasn’t he tired of me yet? Why did he keep coming back? Why did I keep putting up with it?

“But are you happy?” asked my friend when I expressed this to her.

“Yeah,” I said a little too casually. “I wanna keep him around. Maybe he’s just a little needy and I’m not used to that.”

That night when he landed in the city (probably the third or fourth time since we started dating), I couldn’t find it in me to be excited. I was setting myself up for disappointment. One downside of dating him was that I was not allowed to be seen with him in public. Tom’s publicist/marketing team made it clear that he was supposed to look either single or involved with one of his co-stars to the public. I wasn’t really that bothered by it; I didn’t exactly want people in my life to know who I was involved with. My coworkers and some members of my family knew I wasn’t the type to keep someone around for longer than one night, so imagine their response to me being in a steady relationship. And not only that, being in a steady relationship with a wildly famous heartthrob. Nope, this was better left under wraps.

But, there were times where Tom had to avoid coming to my apartment at all because he couldn’t lose the paparazzi van following him. I guess if he was seen with me, he had a lot to lose. Again, I wasn’t as bothered as I should have been. Like tonight. I watched Netflix by myself and called it a night.

He sent an apology text, and I replied with a peace sign emoji.

~

The next time we saw each other, I was a mess. Things had sort of spiraled in the time Tom and I had been apart, and now he was here to pick up the pieces. My pieces.

“I’m sure you can find another job,” he told me.

“But I don’t want another job!” I snapped, trying not to burst into tears. I hunched over, burying my face in my hands. “I spent so much time there, I gave them everything and they had the fucking nerve to let me go like that… Why does this happen?”

Tom just rubbed my back, speechless. How lucky of him, not having to deal with things like this. He never had to worry about living ever again. He never had to worry about things like losing his house or possessions. None of this was his fault, but I couldn’t help but hate him and his soothing touch.

I got up from the couch and paced around the living room. How long more did I have in this place? How was I going to make it?

“I think I have like, one month left here,” I said, trying to catch my breath. The panic was starting to kick in. “I have enough for rent while I find another place to live… m-maybe my cousin in Idaho will let me stay with her… but planes cost money too… fuck, okay. Maybe if I move out this week and if I get my deposit back… if I quit school - oh god, I have to quit school - then maybe I can go live with her…”

“You’re not doing any of that,” Tom quickly interjected. He stood up and stopped my pacing by putting his hands on my shoulders. “I’ll cover your rent until you find another job. Okay?”

And that’s what I get for opening my mouth.

“No,” I told him. “You can’t-”

“Yes, I can,” he said firmly. “I can, and I will. I’ll do it right now.”

“Oh my god, stop. You don’t have to-”

“I want to.” His hands went to the sides of my face. “You obviously have a lot you don’t want to let go of here. Let me help you. I don’t want you to suffer like this.”

Be independent. Yes, you just lost your job and that could mean that everything will go down the drain, but you have to be independent. Don’t rely on a man.

“I’ll find another job as fast as I can,” I told him. “Just this month, okay? I have to start applying right now, though.”

He stopped me before I could get panicky again. “It’s fine, love. Really, I don’t mind doing this.” He smiled and kissed my forehead before pulling me into a hug. “You’ll be okay.”

~

Another month and a half went by before I saw him in person again. It was deep in the summer now, which meant that nobody wanted to hire anybody. It was taking a deeper toll on me than I liked to admit. That was kind of why I didn’t want Tom to cover any of my expenses; I was getting complacent.

But it was just rent for now. I was stubborn when it came to our rare dates. I couldn’t let him pay for anything else, so we had to stick with staying confined in my apartment. Thankfully, we had plenty to do between the sheets. But that was it, though.

“I have an idea,” he prompted in the middle of the night.

I hummed, mildly disturbed by his clear voice. Really wanted things to be quiet right now. Lately, it seemed like he talked a lot.

“I’m going back to Atlanta really soon to film the next movie,” he went on, sitting up on his elbow. “What if you come with me?”

I didn’t say anything at first. I could barely process what he was saying. Sure, he made me feel like I was on cloud nine just a few minutes ago, but I wasn’t that high off the feeling. In fact, I felt like I just crash landed back to earth.

“Why?” I asked.

He shrugged. “Why not? Hey, maybe one of the producers could get you a job on set.”

Any sane person would probably jump at the chance. I, on the other hand, was just fighting the urge to get away from Tom right this second.

“Won’t that be risky, though? There would be a lot of people seeing us together, and I’m looking for a job that doesn’t require travel,” I said.

“It doesn’t have to be a permanent job. And… we can act like we don’t know each other or something. We can figure something out,” he insisted. “Come on, what do you think?”

I shrugged.

“What does that mean? What are you thinking?”

“It’s a big decision. Let’s say I do go with you, am I supposed to just wait around for you the whole time?” I wasn’t sure why I was getting defensive. “I mean, I preferred us being apart. I liked having my own life.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

~

“What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing.”

“Have you found a job yet?”

“Still looking.”

“I miss you.”

“Same.”

iii.

It felt like we had been trapped in my apartment for days, just silently arguing. I didn’t know what to tell him. I didn’t know how to make anything better. All I could think was that I should have just left it as a one night stand.

“Answer me,” he said in an almost helpless tone. “You’ve gotta give me something.”

Tom took a step towards me, to which I only stepped back in response. He sighed and began pacing around the living room. My body language was one of the many things about me that irritated him these days.

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” I finally told him.

“Anything. I just need to know what you’re thinking. You don’t want to come with me to Atlanta, is that it?”

God, not this again. We already had that fight, and I still wasn’t sure how I felt about it. We were already distant, why make it any worse by letting him go on his own to film his next big movie? At the same time, the idea of sharing a space with him and leaving my current location for months on end didn’t sound ideal, either. It could spark an idea in his head to permanently live together, which I was not ready for. I was surprised we still had this thing going on. I just didn’t know how to say any of that out loud without getting emotional about it. Emotions weren’t apart of the plan.

“Say something!” Tom raised his voice.

“I don’t know!” I replied in a similar tone. “I don’t know, okay? I just… I have never seen myself living with a, or my…”

“Boyfriend? You can’t even call me your boyfriend…” he said in disbelief. “Okay, fine. I'm not saying we have to live together after. I can go back to Atlanta, and you’ll stay here, far away from me. Then I’ll come back, and we’ll build everything from the ground up again. That’s what you want, isn’t it?”

These questions were suffocating. I just wanted to curl up or run away. My mind was just foggy and full of static. This was overwhelming.

“No,” I told him. “I don’t want us to be apart.”

“Well, you have a shit way of showing it.”

There was a tense pause as those words sank in. My stomach was slowly dropping to my feet. I could feel myself turning into a shell.

“It’s almost like you want to break up with me,” Tom went on. “You don’t like it when I do… anything, really. You don’t want me to hold your hand, you don’t want me to kiss you. You don’t even wanna look at me. Did I do something wrong?”

No. Far from it, actually. That’s why this is so foreign to me.

I shook my head.

“Then what is it? You can’t keep leaving me in the dark like this. I, I’ve done so much for you. I extended my stay here for you. I paid your rent when you were out of a job. I got you a new one that you turned down, I’ve left my friends for you-”

“I never asked you to do any of that,” I snapped. “I’m not the one who wanted to continue seeing each other after that first night, remember? It’s not my fault your friends hate you now because you ditched them for some random girl, that’s all on you. And I never asked you for any financial help and I never asked you to get me another job. I don’t want to be ‘taken care of’ by you or your money or your connections. I don’t want to be dependent on you like that.”

“You don’t get it, do you? I want to support you, I don’t want you to worry about things like rent and university tuition. If you go with me to Atlanta, then you can get a job or something so you can be more independent and so you're not just waiting around for me. If that’s what you want, I mean. And you can go with me to whatever premiere or interview or shoot I’ve got going on. I want you there, I want these things for us.”

That meant he saw a future with me. I was so baffled and almost repulsed. It only made me want to run even more. Why did he want a future with me? What about me made that seem appealing to him? I didn’t understand.

“I’ve scared you even more, haven’t I?” he guessed when I didn’t say anything. And he claimed he didn’t know a single thing about me. “Well, darling, it’s been, how many months now? Don’t you ever wonder where we’re going? Don’t you think about the future?”

“I don’t like to,” I admitted.

Now Tom was rendered speechless. I didn’t necessarily mean it in the way he probably thought, but there was no turning back now. We were already in pain, and he was already angry at me.

“How are you so sure that I’m in your future?” I asked him. “How do you know we’ll stay together?”

“I just had a feeling,” he replied softly. “I know it’s scary, but you can’t think negatively about it.”

Well, there go our chances.

“You’ll be so far away,” I said, wanting to be realistic. “And we did all of this long distance crap already, and it was a mess… for you. And no good thing ever lasts, anyway. We could try it, sure, but who’s to say it’s gonna be better or easier this time around?”

“No one ever said it was going to be easy!” Tom said, clearly hurt. “And no good thing ever lasts? How… how do you live, thinking like that? I knew you weren’t a fucking ray of sunshine, but I didn’t think you would see us that way. If that’s what you’re thinking, then what the fuck are we doing here?”

I didn’t have anything to say to that. It was obvious that there was only one thing left to do, yet I still found myself hesitating, just in case he wanted to do the honors.

~

I woke up in a stranger’s bed a few days after he left. I wanted everything to be as if those months had never happened. He never came into my life, he never changed my life, he never made me feel anything. It just never happened. Tom was just a myth, and him being so far away only validated that in my head.

Standard daily procedure. Got out of bed, got dressed, and snuck out before my one night stand could even remember what they got down to last night. The dull ache that had been persisting in my chest mixed with the hangover. I just pretended that I was having some sort of diffused heart attack.

When I got home, I threw up in the bathroom. I blamed it on the hangover. Afterwards, I grabbed a bottle of whatever was in the fridge and let myself slip away.

It was hard to avoid seeing his face online. That, and knowing that he would probably be lurking, was my reason to delete all my social media. It’s not like I was a savvy Internet person, anyway. I was nothing important. I was just a random girl he hooked up with, I could only hope he would see me like that.

I didn’t want to think about him moping around once he got back to filming. I’d much rather think about him doing what I would do: sink himself into whatever he’s got going on to ease the pain and fill the emptiness. Then again, I could barely stand the thought of him hurting because of me. I was stuck.

There were still traces of him in my apartment. The couch I now lied on to drink away the sorrows was the same couch we spent a lot of our time on. My bed sheets still smelled like him, and as much as I hated it, I couldn’t bring myself to wash them. I wanted to get rid of all of it, but I also found myself clinging to every trace of him I found here.

One of my friends had to talk me out of selling my apartment and moving states. Another friend had to talk me out of getting a dramatic haircut. No one was there to talk me out of partying the pain away. Why would I do all of this because of one guy? Everything we had in the last few months was my fault. Why was I going to do stupid stuff if I was the one who said yes in the first place?

At least I got what I originally wanted: we were far away from each other, and he was going to forget about me in due time.

iv.

It took a lot of time for the pair to figure it out. It's important to know that there is no way they will get back together. Maybe they'll cross paths again, but there's no way to tell for sure. Maybe you only get that lucky once.

When Tom figured things out for himself, he was angry. He could say that he hated her for a while after things ended. But before that, he was wondering where he went wrong. Weren't you supposed to love and support your partner in their time of need? She did lose her job at the time, and it really hurt her. Tom supposed he couldn't blame her for the attitude she took on after. But he was trying to help her, cover some expenses, fly down and see her as often as he could. He just wanted things in their little world to be the least stressful as possible, for both of them.

He just wanted her to be happy, but according to her, that wasn't enough. Or, that's what it looked like at least. It's not like she ever talked about what was on her mind. She was just so closed off, and Tom didn't know why. Maybe someone hurt her in the past, maybe something made her this way. Maybe she was just an asshole with no feelings.

Despite that, Tom still cared for her. He still wanted to be there for her. The rare times she broke down a piece of her wall made everything worth it. Tom thought maybe he would be the one to break her walls entirely. It would take a lot of time, but he was willing to take it.

She wasn't having any of it. At times she would plainly turn him down just because she didn't want to get out of bed that day, making Tom fly to Los Angeles for nothing. Well, he could have gone to see his other friends, but she was the priority, and by that point, his friends weren't speaking to him.

Yeah, Tom sacrificed a lot for her, and she didn't seem to care. He was a fucking idiot for not seeing the break up coming. Things weren't ideal, but they had plenty of time to work on things. She didn't think of it like that, so she left.

Throughout time, he's tried to forgive her, he really has. She probably had some underlying problems that were too painful to talk about. You don't always know what's going on in someone's life, even if you're dating them.

Then, Tom learned that forgiveness is bullshit. Why shouldn't he be angry at her and at himself? Why shouldn't he be hurt by the way she treated him? He knew he deserved better than that! He knew he could find someone who would give what he gave back!

Nowadays, Tom is glad to be free of her, and he wondered why he didn't leave it at the night they met.

As for her, she would agree. Should have left things after the first night. Then she wouldn't have caused him so much pain.

She wasn't sure why she lashed out at nice people, it was a work in progress. There's a voice in her head telling her that these nice people are actually liars and that there's always a catch. That voice was easier to listen to.

Sometimes you just think so lowly of yourself that you can't accept that someone can love or care about you. So you just make them hate you.

Tom made that difficult, which later made her realize how kind and genuine he actually was. He always told her that he could wait, and he was way too understanding and accepting of her stupid self destructive ways. He even paid her rent, something she would never ask of him.

She knew she didn't deserve his kindness. She hardly did a thing for him, and part of that was because she couldn't. She wasn't as privileged as he was, and that was probably something that she didn't like about him.

Sometimes, you're just afraid of commitment, so you try not to get too attached to the other person, and as a result you end up being cold and distant.

Why not break up if you don't want to commit? Well, it's one foot in and one foot out with this girl. She didn't hate Tom, she didn't want to not be with him. She just couldn't join in with what Tom wanted for them. She couldn't think about the plans she had the next day, let alone where she would be a year from now. It was just a tad overwhelming and suffocating.

Therapy is hard. She's had to face her own flaws and try to do something about them. She's starting to realize that maybe hurting other people to keep them away isn't the healthiest thing. She's trying to figure out why she does those things.

The only thing is, even when she's resolved all this bullshit, it's not gonna change what happened with Tom.

[dojae-huh]

i didnt want to write abt why i believe doyoung has alot more fans in asia then generally in western fandom coz i might come off as weird but im in my mid 30s and asian (south asian if we're being specific) when i get into someone i go and google them but i think i do something that is very asian i look at where they got their education and what they studied (educated ppl make me love them alot more) when i had a crush on johnny from coldplay he looked cute in the in my place video but i loved that he had done his bachelors in maths and astronomy (that made him hotter for me) or how when i got into thor the movie i liked loki and looked up tom hiddleston and fell for him more when i found he was from Eton and than went to Cambridge (his family must be loaded or he is good at education) these arent something most ppl american or european fans would do, but for asians we're told that education can make or break you. knowledge is what makes life easier and also to find a partner who si educated as they will be able to support and help support ur life along with u. so asians have an obsession with men who are very good in studies and these men become popular even as idols for being the intelligent ones doyoung isnt just smart, articulate but also very ambitious while being empathetic. he makes older asian women fall for him (i personally feel like most his fandom is 20s to 40s). hes very blunt to ppl hes close to and makes them love him on his terms, he works hard for all his work and fans love him for it. hes an introvert but he tries to network so he gets his name out there so he can get gigs and most of his solo work is usually thanks to his networking. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TtVB5TYgJfQ&ab_channel=ArielTFG moments like these are why i love him, hes 5 years younger than irene but he pushes back the cake and it doesnt matter to him the camera is on him. he is adored by irene so she lets him be but jaehyun ends up with the cake ... or him making fun of irene for being strict with the other trainees (which became a topic which antis used to hate on them both)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2BPnC1taT0&ab_channel=tyhwang turn on the auto english subs hes very firm in his beliefs and lets fans know that he shouldnt be their whole lives but a small part of it (he reminds me of a member from shinhwa who told his stalker to become something and than he will talk to her, she did and also got a normal job but came and thanked him for the abusing and scolding coz that helped her to change her life) to an older asian fan he is everything desirable, and seems like the type of guy u would like to take to ur parents house to introduce to them. hes honest and ambitious, a nerd but also cares abt the arts (theater and singing). jaehyun had to change his whole image to get the fans he had, while doyoung had a core fandom for the day they went on show champion

remember the stylist talking abt doyoung seeming too perfect so this is why he would never have ppl confessing to him, its not coz theyre afraid of him but coz according to her they feel like theyre not worth his time. he really does seem like the guy most koreans would dream about marrying, hes the marriage material and this is why i feel like most his fandom is alot older. even he was shocked to find out he had younger fans watching his insta lives.

also fans who have seen like in real life always talk abt him having the sharpest features, while taeyong looks softer in real life.

hes a kpop idol so he has to diet to be skinny his body is the type to gain muscle very quickly so when he gains weight its not like jaehyun who becomes pump and soft. he becomes broader and very masculine sorry for the rant but basically hes to nerdy for west and just perfectly ambitious for the east

Video, Video2

I shudder to this day from that mini documentary that informed me there is 1/1000 University entrance bar in India. For me 1/8 is a lot, lol. There are literally districts dedicated to English cram schools, students rent a bed and study there preparing for the entrance exam.

From where do you get the impression the older fans make the majority? Because in his vlives he reminds his fans he is 25, that he can drink wine, etc. Sure, his musicals were sold out, and a ticket costs 150$, but that's a few hundreds/thousands of fans, not the millions.

Also, what do you mean by Jaehyun changing his image before appearing on ShowChampion? And Doyoung already having a core fanbase? Doyoung was revealed as an SM Rookies at the same time he was announced as a new MC. Only SM stans who wait near the practice building knew him as one of the trainees, probably.

Fans who meet Doyoung in real life comment that he is slimmer, taller, and looks cold (not in a bad sense, the "cool" sense).

Doyoung was invited for two leading roles without having experience (Midnight cafe, Marie) because he was viewed by the producers as a male celebrity that will attract the audience. It's also probably telling that he gets the boyfriend role MVs and the duets?

[mrs-hollandstan]

Can I request mob tom Holland & reader, their marriage is arranged, Tom is not happy abt it as he loves someone else, he's cold towards her but she's a dedicated wife. He starts falling for her but feels guilty & is even more rude to her. Harrison realises it & dances with reader in party & gets all touchy, Tom gets jealous & has rough possessive sex with reader. Later he talks to her apologizes & all fluffy.

Okay, so I changed it a lil because I got an idea for a soulmate writing like this in the shower last night haha so here’s that, but I’m actually pretty proud of it and I hope you enjoy. Some NSFW down below.

Tom could have been arranged with any other woman in the world, but when it just so happened to be his soulmate, he was more irritated than ever and just nasty to you, mostly because he didn't enjoy the idea of being forced into a relationship just because the universe said so. He was cold and pissed beyond belief every time he was forced to be in the room with you. He liked making you jealous, liked spiting you when he slept with other girls. You were relatively neutral in sexual excursions just out of pure fascination and the fairytale like idea associated with soulmates. And Tom found that even after you were married and you were sweet in the beginning, you didn't seem to care about the women that came in the house for Tom. Even if you felt everything he did to them. 

The more he realized you turned a blind eye to avoid the fighting and the fluttering in your belly whenever he walked in a room just off of the idea that the universe wanted you together, the more he realized why the universe wanted you together. The match was uncanny, you were a balance. You were beautiful, smart and perfect and it just made Tom more angry. He was meaner, and Harrison was starting to catch onto why. He liked to refer back to that urban myth from primary school where if someone bullied you, they liked you. And for Tom, it was true. 

The night of a GALA held at Tom's mansion, Harrison had been the sweetest thing ever. He was pretty too and Tom could feel everything you felt towards his best friend. Especially the way Harrison's arm wrapped around you and you leaned into him, laughing about something he said. You'd had alcohol, Tom could feel the buzz, and the way Harrison met his eyes told Tom that Harrison was doing it on purpose. And Tom watched you lean against Harrison as he swayed you back and forth on the dance floor, your head laid over his shoulder. The warmth Harrison exuded made Tom warm and you felt the jealous flurry in yourself, but chose to ignore it instead relishing in the affection Harrison was providing that you hadn't had in a while. You loved the way Harrison laid his head over yours to make you feel safe. That is until it's ripped away from you. 

Harrison is careened back and punched in the nose, blood immediately gushing from the broken appendage as your body absolutely burns in a jealous rage so strong it brings tears to your eyes,

"Don't you ever do that again!" Tom screams in his best friend and right hand man's face, eyes dark and crazy before he grabs your wrist and tugs you after him towards a lounge around the ballroom. He slams the door, bracing you against it as he flicks the light on. He cages you between his arms and it should scare you, but it doesn't because the feelings he has coursing through him aren't anger towards you but something foreign. Lust, want. He leans in suddenly, his lips pressed to yours. He presses his body to yours when you reach up to thread your fingers through his hair, his arms wrapped around your waist after a moment. He lifts you, your legs binding around his waist as he carries you to the small couch in the room. He lays you on it rather roughly, reaching down to unbuckle his belt. You reach beneath your dress to scurry from your panties, Tom's eyes hooded and dark, never pulled from you before he's forcing you to your knees, gently nudging into you. But he doesn't let up. The second he knows you're adjusted, he's pounding into you, his heart encased in a prideful glow. He's the reason you're whimpering and crying, not Harrison. 

He brushes the sparkly, baby blue dress up over your hips, drawing his hand back to swat your ass roughly. You jolt, letting out a yelp and he does it again to the other cheek,

"Aah fuck." You whimper, dragging your nails across the fabric of the couch beneath you. Tom growls, dragging you up further by your throat, his hand wrapping in your hair as he demolishes you still, 

"You like that love? You like feeling so full of your husband's cock?" He spits, watching you nod. He knows that this is all you've ever wanted. You've always wanted to have him all over you, praising you, being rough with you, giving you the affection Harrison had. He knows you're touch starved because every time someone does touch you, whether it's a brush of your hands or rubbing up your arm, whatever it is, you ache minutes, hours after it, wanting more,

"Answer me the correct way." He growls in your ear, listening to you whimper, 

"Yes! Yes I love being full of your cock. Fuck!" You cry out, letting him push you back down, shoulders pressed to the cushion beneath you as he amps up his speed, screams and cries leaving your lips as he reaches beneath you to strum your clit. You move back against him, listening to him grunt and moan. You know he's almost there and he knows you are too, leaning over you to nip at your ear, 

"Cum for me. Show me how much you appreciate this cock." He growls, letting your head fall back against his shoulder, 

"Fuck Tom… fuck!" You cry, letting out a string of curses before you cum and he swats your ass again, praising you through it, 

"Good girl." He coos as he draws out and jerks his own cum out across your lower back. He pants as you lay beneath him, struggling to catch your breath. When he stands and isn't touching you, he can feel the panic that sets in you, he can feel the used feeling that courses through your body like blood, he can feel the tears that threaten to spill from your eyes as he finds a towel to dry you off with. He returns, your eyes avoiding of his before he fixes his tie and huffs, brushing your dress down, 

"Sorry I just uhh, I didn't… I didn't like seeing him all over you. It uhh… it made me… jealous. And I don't know why because… I've always said I hated you but… I don't think I do." He mutters, sitting on the floor in front of you. You sit up, finding your underwear, 

"You broke his nose." He waves a hand in front of you, 

"I know. And I owe him because I know he did it on purpose. Danced with you…" He says. You cock your head, 

"What do you mean?" You can feel the uncertainty within him as he swallows, avoiding your eyes, 

"He… knows how I've felt about you recently." He murmurs, your eyebrows knitting together as he fixes himself, running his fingers through his curls,

"What?" You ask. He glances up at you, dark eyes sparkling. He swallows and nods, glancing behind you, 

"Yeah I uhh, h-he likes to tell me that it's like that uhh, ya know, if someone bullies you, they like you-"

"So you're trying to tell me you've… been mean to me because you… like me?" You ask. He sighs and nods, 

"Yeah and now I feel fucking guilty about it. I just… I realized a while ago that you're pretty and smart and you don't have a care in the world and it's so different from me and I… I understand now why the world put us together. I need the balance." He explains, eyes finding yours. And you can tell he isn't lying. He feels warmth, feels comfort in your company, feels a buzz in his heart that is pure adoration for you. You crawl onto the floor with him, sitting at a distance as if you've crawled into a lion's den. Your mouth hangs open for a moment, shoulders coming up in a shrug,

"Wow, I didn't know." You let out breathlessly. He nods, 

"I know. And… I'm… sorry for the way I've treated you." He says with a sigh. After another moment sitting across from him, staring at the face you’ve been in love with, unknowingly, since you were ten, you crawl forward and lay your head over his shoulder warrily. He relaxes after another moment, laying his head against yours. You reach out and take his hand, his fingers falling around yours and squeezing. You sigh,

“I forgive you… if it’s any consolation.” You mutter. He hums, 

“You shouldn’t be so forgiving with me. I’ve been very rude to you.”

“Yeah but whether or not you were doesn’t matter. You’re my soulmate and that’s all that matters. That’s why I’ve given off those feelings within me that I didn’t care about all those other girls. It’s because I know that you’re my soulmate and whether you like it or not, I knew eventually you’d come around.” He purses his lips,

“That’s all you’ve wanted and I’ve let you down.” He says with another sigh,

“But now look at us.” You remark, drawing his eyes to yours with a finger under his chin. He hums, eyes cast down to your lips for a moment before he leans into kiss you softly,

“I am sorry. I promise I’ll try. I’m… I’m over having enemies outside of this fucking house and turning you into an enemy under my roof. I have… the opportunity sitting right in front of me to a good life, a family, and I just need to stop being such an ass. I just… I do wanna accept what you’re… offering as far as love goes.” He remarks softly, cheeks burning red. You giggle,

“You don’t have to be embarrassed admitting you want me to love you Tom.” You remind, rubbing his leg. He nods,

“I know but… it’ll be weird for the both of us, having to adapt to… doing things together and being together and… finally accepting being in love.” He admits. You nod,

“Definitely, but we’ve got this Tom. No one has to know if you’re that uncomfortable. But we can do it.” You reassure. He nods, glancing up for a moment before he licks his lips,

“I want to. I do want to and I want Harrison to know more than anyone.” He says with a chuckle. You smile, 

“After you apologize for breaking his nose.” You mutter. He chuckles again,

“Yeah, that’s a good idea.” He admits before huffing and standing, holding his hands out for you. You stand, holding his hands tight in yours. He sighs, 

“I uhh, when we get seriously into this, I think we should… we should have a wedding. I like you in dresses.” He says. You smile, running your hands up his arms,

“Right, yeah, I know how you feel about girls in dresses Tom. But yeah… a wedding sounds really nice.” You admit, his eyes lighting up as a smile crosses his face,

“Anddddd…”

“Yeah, I know what happens after we actually get married. I think it could be a good time.”

“Me too.”

“Only because you like sex. Interesting idea to see you with a baby.” You mutter. He chuckles,

“I could be a good father.”

“I think that’s definitely something for the future. A wedding is more plausible than kids right about now.” You admit. He nods,

“That’s valid. Now… I gotta… go find Haz.” You nod,

“I’ll come with. Just because I’m worried about him.” He nods in return, holding your hand as he walks you towards the door. He swallows, glancing down at your hands, other hand resting on the doorknob. His eyes meet yours then, sparkling in thought before he nods and you know it’s him coming to terms with being dedicated to you. And for once, he’s actually excited to be your soulmate.

[selfcareparker]

(lovely anon) i'm so happy to finally be answering this oh my goodness hi gorgeous human being i feel that it has been too long 🥲 SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE THE LAST TIME I'VE WRITTEN ONE OF THESE HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

to answer the things you have said most recently- i'm so mad that spring break is over bc now i have to go back to life??? like dancing and school and shit that feels so unnessacry 😭 and like i can't just do nothing anymore? i was so used to it and now...... ugh. i STILL haven't played sims (i think it's because ✨depression✨ be hitting sometimes) lol but MWAHAH IM SO HAPPY FOR YOUR NEIGHBOR!AU AND THAT THEY HAD LITTLE BABY LEO!! i feel the name thing.. i just come up with something that sounds nice? i think leo is a nice name, it makes me think about lea michele and the fact that her son's name is Ever Leo but anyway. i don't name my sims after what i want to name my children irl either... idk why though. (i don't know why i'm telling you this but for boy names i love Liam🥰 and if i had twin boys i think i would do Liam and Peter though i am not married to the name Peter.... anywho)

LMAOOO the therpaist coming made me laugh thank you :)) i hope it's helpful? this may be tmi but i've only really had negative thoughts recently and not many healthy outlets so i'm hoping crossing one thing off this sad list will make me feel better :') i think during spring break my anxiety and my depression really spiked? idk, it comes in episodes but yeah THIS GOT REALLY SAD

i think a lot of things when i read your posts but i never say them hahaha so imma say it now: i googled what bon appetit meant ( i also just had to google how to spell it ) but ur right, i feel like bone apple tea makes more sense than bone apple teeth.. the "th" is throwing me off bc how i say it bone appa (like app-a) teet (like you're saying tit but teet lol) so bone apple tea makes more sense to me lol

i never know really know the time difference for anything lmao but est to germany (that's not gmt is it?) is like 6 hours wOAH so it's like 9pm while it’s 3pm here? wowee

i feel mega weird after watching this show called hollywood (darren criss is in it, so is laura harrier and a bunch of other people) but i don't like it💀 i feel really icky rn and idk why but reading your last response to my ask (?) always makes me feel better :')

i am doing what you said btw, i'm typing this on my computer first then gonna transfer it to my phone's tumblr lol but when you said a digital detox, it's interesting cuz i feel like i've been having one since tom's new project was announced? gOD i don't wanna get into it bc i get so triggered but i've been off of instagram since then bc instagram stans literally stand by tom through whatever even when something ain't right- i’m just gonna leave it there bc i’ll continue the rant, but yeah so i took a break lol

also heard abt your driving lesson thing (?) was it that bad? i can't find the old post but someone asked if you hooked up with your lesson person and i was sOOO CONFUSED LMAOO LIKE OK ARIA GET SOME BUT UHH HUH?

now to address the actual response HAHA the way you touch my heart :') by :') bringing :') up :') halle :') being ariel :') (i honest to God don't remember if i brought this up first, forgive me if i did, it's been a minute lmao) i'm always talking about it and i'm pretty sure my family is so tired of me talking about it lmao, but YEAH when i found out they weren't twins i was so surprised but idk why i always thought they were twins? but YOU ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE WITH THE DISNEY TALK- everyone is always like "tiana is my favorite princess" and yea she's strong and stuff but...... she was a frog. for almost the whole time. it's about time we got another one!! i do agree with some people on the fact that disney should just make another black princess but halle is adorable and i was ariel on stage so it's already really special to me :')

yeah lol there are good times with my brothers but they make me mad for a good portion of the time (there's the 12yo vincent and the 7yo daniel but vincent??? psshhh he is a piece of work and i'm not sure how much longer i can put up with him HAJAH AND YES VINCENT IS THE ONE WHO WAS 👁👄👁WHEN I CRIED AND THE ONE WHO DOESN'T LISTEN TO MUSIC- writing this now makes it sound like vincent is awful. which he isn't... we're working on him ig. not to add to the awfulness but no, he listens to obnoxious loud VIDEO GAME MUSIC and won't stop when we ask him to stop... he gets beat up a lot) anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌

yeah let me know if you end up watching it (wandavision)! i think it's great but if you like it lmk!! tfatws is sooo good like PHEW i am honestly loving it. sidenote: j*hn w*lker makes me wanna jump through the screen and choke him to the ground. i was thinking right, and the falcon and the winter soldier (THATS SO MUCH EASIER FAJHKDAH) would techinally be like a 10 hour movie right? because every episode is an hour long and there'll be 10 episodes? like wow. i get what you mean though, abt the racism in the show etc, like looking forward to it but not like..... no i get what you mean i will not try and give another example lol but you make me wanna learn more languages like really badly (bc of what you said about the german to american translation) & if you end up watching hamilton PLEASE LMK ABT THAT TOO HAHAHA i love it so much, same thing with lion king lmaoo

speaking of germany, i was at lunch on saturday with my mom and her friend and we were talking about my schooling and like-- she planted this idea in my head lol like what if i just got my GED and went around the world (to england probably) to get a theatre experience??? and i think it sounds so cool but no where near practical lol, it's just..... the dream haha and i would then try and learn a language 😉

uh yes we absolutely should order basically a resturant meal at a cinema, how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?

also about cherry (which i still haven't watched yet lol) i got the timestamps from tumblr😌 i couldn't find them anywhere else, but i agree, i probably wouldn't even look twice at cherry if tom wasn't in it? like i liked tdatt a lot, but it's not a movie i would be itching to see ya know?

HAHAHAHA THE 24 HOUR NOTIFICATION- i think i have around 1030 hours on sims? but i've had it since 2019 lmao (reading the screenshots, yes u are 100% a genuis, i take screenshots too but on anon you can't upload them so i just read them and retype what i wrote lmao) i think the university experience in the game is fun, but time consuming and it's all work imo. idk why i do it so often tho 😭😭😭

and agreed!! when you're making good money in the game you have to find other ways to make it interesting. my cousins who play it just continously do "motherlode" and i'm like.... then what do you do in your game?? it just sounds boring to me... my current sims household, i had a famous comedian sim, her name was dylan, aND SORRY IM LAUGHING SO HARD WHILE WRITING THIS BC ITS A GREAT EXAMPLE OF THE UNI THING UNLESS IM JUST DUMB, she went to college for communications when i wanted her to be a comedian and when she graduated i realized that degree did nothing for the career 🥲 so yeah, i think i'm just dumb. but she had a kid in college, guy didn't stick around and she was pretty broke HA but then she got married to this (great) guy named steve, made good bank, had 5 more kids (two sets of twins and one more lol) but then she passed. uhm... yeah that's still an open wound . lol i'm kidding, but when you get rich like that, you have to find a way to make the game interesting and i chose a million kids.

(this was one giant paragraph until i broke it up uhh yeah) i seriously don't pay attention to the sims prices and just end up spending way too much money and not being able to finish the rest of the house😭 but then again, i'm so used to having sims live in apartments... if i end up building a house FIRST OF ALL it'll look like what you explained before lmao but i'll tell you if i actually end up building a house HAHA & planning out your sims game is so fun to me lol, did enisa and michael take in his daughter yet? i may be thinking too far ahead lol and i love that they fucked woohooed (i say woo woo lol) in celebration HAHA but when i was playing with this one couple i had them woo woo every night hoping the dude would have horrible pull out game and they would concieve, but one night they were too tired and i was like why? get back in there man. if i was in college and lived with my partner we would be fucking every night homie. be grateful. i have been talking a lot about sims, and like you said: enough 💀 i just love this game a lot 😭😭

SORRY LAST THING i think the sims romantic and sexual stuff is so nice bc its what i want?? LMAO IDK like the whole hot tub thing you're talking about- puh lease ITS JUST NICE TO SEE OKAY

i'm reading the german section over again and i said aloud "my german friend is so cool" lol (i was saying that to my brothers & i know they don't care LMAO) (& i'm glad the uni zoom call went well!!) so on a form, in german, it could possibily say Einführungsveranstaltungsteilnehmer because you would be a participant to an introductory event? i swear german sounds so cool 😌 but i love reading your german lessons!! it's really interesting, most of the time my brain can't comprehend it tho?? like that word makes sense to you, but i need a translation. like to be able to look at that and know what it says.... its just appealing and seems so cool lol i kinda wanna write something out in german but i feel that google translate will fail me. während googeln "google übersetzen" mein Computer war so verdammt langsam und es fühlte sich einfach wie etwas Gutes auf Deutsch zu sagen. ich bin nicht sicher, welches Wort ist "fucking", aber ich mag es lmao (did it fail me like i thought it would??)

LMAOOO THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP JUSTIN BC WHILE AT THE RESTURANT THEY PLAYED A JUSTIN SONG AND I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF YOU AND THIS STORY😭 lol i was thinking it's depending on your age but not even that either... i really don't know.... but tom's fans are hollanders💀 i would consider myself one? he's the only person i'm really into like that (like a lot lol) so idk lmao (directioners 💔💔the pain is real)

LMAOOO (both of these paragraphs started off with “lmaooo” smh) "i like my men when they look like they are on the brink of death" PLEASE, i don't like pete's blonde hair... i just don't. i'm not sure if i wasn't watching the most recent snls but yea. my mom thinks he looks like trash, but i think he's okay? like he said staten island people just look like trash LMAO and I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN KING OF STATEN ISLAND GIRL I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT!! now i'm gonna make plans to watch it lmao, & yes agreed i find pete hot, don't ask why i really couldn't explain it to someone he's just .

my favorite songs from rex are from pony oh my goodness 🥺 anywho i'm gonna go eat cereal (i ended up eating bun and cheese instead) and listen to the Stormzy songs you recommended... aria. aria aria aria. i would like to thank you for introducing me to stormzy i- i don't have any words or any emojis to express HOW GOOD STORMZY IS. i hope he's popular in germany/the uk because i haven't heard of him but GURLLLL

one second - delicious i love it. it's really good. it’s not my favorite from the album, but its great.

superheroes - at first i played the non-explicit one (on accident) and wondered why the words weren't playing but i was reading them in the lyrics??? THIS ONE THOUGH??? IS THE BEST SONG I THINK I'VE EVER HEARD. i am so SO SO into black people empowering songs (like brown skin girl by beyonce) and this song???? PHEW I CRYYYYY ITS SO GOOD.... i was gonna quote some lyrics BUT THERS TOO MANY I LOVE, "i am young, black, beautiful, and brave" "black queen, you're immaculate, it's coming at the world, they ain't ready for your magic yet, and that was never your fault" THAT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT- I ALMOST CRIED THIS SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL (i played it twice lol)

lessons is another beautiful one, like its slow and it feels intimate and nurturing and just OO chefs kiss, beautiful . like you can feel the apology and the regret... it’s so good

own it - OWN IT OWN IT OWN IT IS AMAZING!! swear you would catch me dancing to this song, this song is so fucking good i cannot comprehend like this one might be my favorite for real... "it's the way you wind up your waist, i'm so in awe, you never have to worry abt nothing, you know its yours, you know you own it" 🥲 i played it two or three times honestly

rachael's little brother - YES I DID LISTEN TO IT LMAO AND YES I LIKE IT, its a very complex song and it's very layered in terms of emotions i think and i really like that about it. i probably won't listen to it that often, but its really good. i would recommend this song to my "older brother" bc he would just absolutely love this

shut up - i was taking this song seriously (also very good) until i heard him say shu-T up LMAO, this one is good, i probably wouldn't listen to it 24/7 like rachael's little brother but honestly its still fire

before listening to blinded by your grace and vossi bop, i know you brought up the religion bit, i definitely don't mind that, especially because i'm Christian lol and i actually liked that he brought up God in some of his songs like idk i just like it🥰🥰

(i then went to bed after that lol but first thing in the morning i listened to superheroes and... that song is probably my favorite tbh, i was gonna write MORE quotes that i loved from it but, yeah no there's too many. if you want i'll tell you lmao but this is already so long i would just be quoting the whole friggin song)

VOSSI BOP IS A BOP (lol) I CANT EVEN LIE, i love a song that hypes up a dude's girl so the line- i love that my phone decided to fail to load the lyrics, lemme google it, okay the lyric "looking at my girl like what a goddess" i was like AYEEE its honestly just really good. and no one in america says "sauce" like "i've got the sauce" but now i do (thanks to love island and Nas from last season) and now stormzy so (also im gonna watch the music video for superheroes bc it looks great so 😛)

(because this is already so long i feel like i shouldn't finish the rest but . no i'm gonna do it)

now for blinded by your grace pt2 idk why i’m nervous lmaoo PAUSE I'M NOT EVEN DONE WITH THE SONG GIRL THIS SONG IS *chefs kiss* no words, speechless PHEW y'all gon make me start jumping around. why did i not know about stormzy before, he is amazing i- ok yeah i finished the song, all i have to say is that Stormzy is immaclucate. period. i am literally sending his music to all my friends he is..... amazing

you want my song recommendations 🥺🥺 hmm uh okay lol i listen to a lot of old music, whitney houston, marvin gaye, queen, celine dion, i love "more than words" by extreme uhmm okay, but for actual music i listen to on the daily? (this is a lot of different music like.... they do not go together lmao so be prepared) a song about being sad by rex orange county, betty by taylor swift and lover by taylor swift and... most of that album lol, treasure by bruno mars lmao, OOOO and versace on the floor by bruno as well, lazybaby by dove cameron, creep by tlc has been on repeat lol, deja vu by olivia rodrigo (i saw what you said about drivers license and AGREED LMAO but i like deja vu a lot more haha) and two albums that i listen to in general, rare by selena gomez and ungodly hour by chloe x halle 🥰 you don't have to listen to all of them or any of them lol but that's a sense of what i'm into :) so basically everything haha, i'm into literally every single kind of music really so i wasn't too surprised that i enjoyed stormzy :’)

HAHASBSJHAHA your h20 story cracked me up,, like "wow these actors are so dedicated, learning german just for us" 😭 the beauty of overdubbing

once again, math and maths, in my mind maths makes sense because its mathmatics, but saying maths doesn't feel right to me lol, like if i said maths i feel like everyone would look at me like ??? and yea i was taught it as math so its just more natural for me. but yes math/maths is disgusting, easily one of my least favorite subjects so .

mkay. i- the first time i read this i could not contain my laughter when you said the only pollen you know is sex pollen LMAOKOOSHBABJFAJF STOPPP I'M EVEN LAUGHING WRITING THIS,, anyway. wow! that's interesting, my dad (<<< mostly anything else) gets migraines from the sun and the heat and stuff, yesterday (sunday, i was outside for like hours watching my brothers play football, the american kind lol) i was in the sun for like ever and i got a headache😔

summer clothes🥲 i need to go shopping fr fr. for my birthday my mom and dad got me a giftcard like dedicated to a shopping spree and we've yet to go so..... i should bring it up to my mom lol, but!! i went bra shopping (ended up returning literally all of them cuz they honestly didn't work for day to day work? its a long story) and if i could i would walk around in this new "summer bra" i got, i would. it's so fricking cute and its really light fabric (which isn't perfect for my nipples but still) so i don't get hot in it, but that bra and some shorts would be perfect. its the closest thing to being naked so

IS THE BIRD STILL BOTHERING U ARIA, TELL ME NOW ISTG, i laughed really hard that the bird isn't stupid and is really trying to torture you LMAOO like i was rolling, it wants you to suffer, badly

when you said "mensus" it was still close to mens!!! latin speaking queen 😌😌

okay STORYTIME i was reading back your response and started (fake) crying bc i love you lol and my youngest brother (daniel) gon say "oh man, catherine's crying about something we don't care about, again" I--- i swear when i tell you about them they sound awful, but they aren't that bad, just the stuff i say about them is sounds really mean LMAO

but the thing you said about being kind, same, what i always say is: don't be the person that makes people say "i hate people" ya know? like there's no reason to be a jerk or anything.... but its true 🥺🥺🥺🥺 you are really kind and every time i talk to you i would like to personally fly to germany and give you a hug 💖💕💞💗💓💝💖💘

& i'm gonna show my stretch marks some love bc of you 🥺😭 i really hate how men have basically everyone conditioned that you can't love your own body </3 fuck them, y'all beautiful :')

also thanks for what you said :')) you literally are the kindest, sweetest person i think i've ever spoken to and i love you 🥰🥺🥲💓💗

READING YOUR TAGS HAHAHHAHA the spelling errors makes everything so much funnier. once again, i like your german lessons & yea!! i'm gonna play sims after writing this hahah

#catherine's tags are back #i don't think i've told you my name before?? #anyway it's catherine🥰🥰🥰 #i'm typing this on my computer (without emojis) and if i didn't edit this you would be reading shit shite like #heartface and pout and cry LMAO #yeah abt the tattoos #some stuff with my parents i'm like deal with it??? lol #my mom tells me "if there's something you enjoy or you like but i don't have the same opinion on it... why would my (my mom's) opinion matter? #and i love that #like i'm not gonna go and do whatever i want #but if my mom doesn't like that i swear (which isn't true just an example) #its like okay.... #but whatever #and your tattoo ideas sound really cute!! #and yeah @ your parents, i mean you aren't getting something wild #and the tattoo album>>> #i'm gonna look up ariana's butterfly tattoos just so i know what you mean lol #but i'm guessing you don't want something so incredibily simple, but not super like over the top? #correct me if i'm wrong lol #LMAO the tags were in order don't worry ! #and yeah lol ily2 <33 #and once again, again, sorry for this post JSHJS ITS A MESS AND LONG AS HELL #and you don't need to go in order of my post its literally longer than your german compound words #u're fine #also !!! while writing this the birds were chirping outside and i was like 😳 #and one of your fics (i’ve read all of them, i don’t remember lol) that valentine’s day one where y/n had lingerie on (the pancake one lol) #inspired me to buy lingerie #like when i look back on me “growing up” #that fic & basically you lol really helped with that #that made no sense and i don’t know how to make it make sense... but... yeah. like ily

hiiiiiiiiiii <3333

Dear catherine, 😌

(you have said your name before, but it wasn‘t like an introduction or anything i think you were talking about .... was it possibly the incident at the cinema??? And you said something like ‘calm down catherine‘ like you were telling yourself to calm down idkd dkdkkdkd anyway i didn‘t mention it cause i wasn‘t sure if it was an accident or not dkdjd but now i know 😌❤️ Catherine is such a cute and lovely name btw omg and so are your brothers‘s names 🥰

Sorry that I‘m answering this so late, it‘s been an emotional rollercoaster for me since last week but i‘ll get to that in a second lol

Sksklssk girl i haven‘t played sims in like 2 weeks now ekejdkdlldld ok that‘s not that long at all actually but i keep wanting to play but then i end up not playing for whatever reason, so no news about my sims game 😔 but i love the names Liam and Peter and for twins!!! That sounds really nice actually

okay i‘m trying to answer your ask in chronological answer even though i wanted to wait for the depressing stuff and write it at the end or something OKAY so. i thought that i‘d feel so good when i start uni and that i‘ll like... have a purpose in life again and just be happy (cause in the last year i didn‘t do much and i was depressed like half of the time lol).... anyway i kind of feel even worse now? 😭 i think it‘s because in my brain it‘s like: university!!! that means your life will change and it‘ll all be so exciting. and don‘t get me wrong it is exciting butttt..... idk the online thing is so weird cause you‘re not meeting any new people (i‘m introverted anyway but still lol) and it doesn‘t feel like you‘re listening to/talking to actual people cause it feels the same as just watching a video?

also i thought i‘d be busy again but i only have one lecture (90mins) a day and theres one day where i dont have any lectures at all and just one day where i have 3 hours but.... idk i mean i shouldn‘t complain about having so much free time but i just don‘t know what to do all day and in a pandemic there really is nothing to do but i also can‘t relax bc it‘s like during the week and i know i have uni the next day and .... yeah.

There‘s also this one assignment i had to do that took me AT LEAST SIX HOURS AND IM NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING????? so that was the only thing i‘ve been doing besides “going to“ lectures. for this one course we have to read two (really really long) texts (like it literally took me 3 hours to read them) and we‘re supposed to post it on this website that all the professors in our uni use. So after 5 days of anxiety (✌🏼) i posted mine this morning bc last night i realised that i didn‘t even know why i was having anxiety so i just posted mine today. The deadline is tomorrow at 12 and no one except me has posted theirs yet........ so i have anxiety again 🥰 cause idk if i‘m the only one who did it or if i even did it correctly

Edit while i‘m rereading this: my anxiety about uni is a lot better and i‘m not as d*pressed anymore maybe it was just hormones? idk but i‘m better so that‘s good

(I started writing this like 5 hours ago and then i randomly completely forgot lol)

I‘m in a better mood now though so let‘s move on from that (oh wait also, i think i‘m gonna see if i can find a psychiatrist bc with my anxiety symptoms (long story) i need to go to a psychiatrist, and so far i‘ve only gone to like psycholgists and it didn‘t help but i think that‘s just bc i was meant to go to a psychiatrist and not a psychologist so dldjdjsj

n e ways but yes you‘re not alone, ily, things will get better and yes i love you (i‘m not good at this type of thing🥲 but i‘d hug you right now if i could <3)

Yess i think the time difference between est and me is 6hours but gmt is uk time i believe? i think mine is called.... cet? For central european time? I could be completely wrong though lmao

Oof i completely forgot about hollywood, i remember when laura kept posting about it on instagram but i never actually watched it and i definitely won‘t now lmaodkdksjsn

Okay my driving lesson LEBDJDKDK I DID NOT HOOK UP WITH ANYONE AKSJSKSMMLM especially not my 40 or 50 year old driving instructor lol i like her but NOT LIKE THAT, the lesson was really really really good actually and i think i‘ll have my driving test soon, but i don‘t even remember why the anon would have thought that??? Oh wait now i remember okay KEKSKDLDL so during the lesson my instructor was like do you mind if i turn on some music? AND THIS WOMAN TURNED ON ONE DIRECTION I LOVE HER so i made a post about it and i said something about the song up all night and i guess i phrased it in a .... idk in a dumb way 💀 so the anon made a joke that i stayed up with my driving instructor all night and NO. No.

Wait did i read that right? YOU WERE ARIEL ON STAGE? SIALDBDJDKSLMSBDKDMDMDKDJSLSMDJFJJEDMBFEKLEFBJDLDVSIDLESKSKWKDKDJDOWNYUEKWNDUWLNSUFLWVSUDLEHDOENSIDBEISBEHENJELBSIEMWUDNRIW KB WOBE JO ON SBEUU HIII S HWS LV W ICH US KB okay this keyboard smash is getting out of hand but uh please do elaborate on that 💘😌???? Like you can‘t just drop that information and not say more??? I forgot if you‘re in like your school‘s drama group (is that a thing? lol idk anything about acting) or in an independent group? Either way - ARIEL that is so fucking cool

Your brothers loooooool, no i get it though obviously you love them and stuff but esp at their age children are so annoying so good luck with them 😭😭😭lmao

Yeah “anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌“ yeah just me and my parents who constantly fight 🥰 lmao no i like being an only child, like i cannot imagine having siblings but i feel like if i had siblings i would be saying that i can‘t imagine being an only child so? but i do think it‘s quite different like i‘m trying to imagine having siblings and WHAT that‘s just so different omg i‘ve never really thought about it like properly ???

I saw a tik tok the other day that was like “sometimes i forget that my siblings have a life of their own. like i see them as side characters in my life“ and even though i can‘t relate obviously i felt that. lol, like i can really imagine how it feels idk what i‘m talking about like shut the fuck up, daria

(also my actual name is daria not aria but i dont like it, and also i wanted to be more anonymous on tumblr so now i‘m aria lmao. pls don‘t mention it though cause no one knows except for you and mel (peterbenjiparker) dkdkdkdnkdnd. but i‘m starting to identify with the name cause everyone keeps calling me that looool😭😭😭 (but i like the name, more than daria anyway? well it also depends on the accent, cause the way germans say daria is okay. the was Americans say it is also okay, but some of my family in England are from the north of england and i don‘t like how they say my name 💀 no offence to them(?) but yeah pls don‘t mention the name in your ask cause the chance of people seeing it is higher then (or if you want to say something about it just send a separate ask and i just won‘t post it (IDK what you‘d want to say about my name but yeah just in case slsldlldmsndnsns)

I‘m loving falcon and winter soldier so much but when i was watching an episode the week before last week (?) my laptop broke😭😭😭😭 during the scene where the dora milaje came at the end my laptop just shut down? And it had these lines all over the screen and i had to bring it to the shop where i bought it and they said it‘ll take 6-8 weeks to repair 💔💔💔 but at least it‘ll be for free, cause if i brought it back to apple it would cost like 400€ (i think that‘s nearly 500$) so yeah. but it sucks cause now i‘m “going to uni“ on a really old rusty laptop and on my phone which kinda sucks. oh yeah and also i can‘t watch anything on there 😭 i definitely want to watch wandavision but it‘ll have to wait🤧

Yessss you should def get your GED! I googled and I‘m still not entirely sure what it is dldks but from how you described it- YES!!!!!!

Idk if you know this? Like no idea if I‘ve told you this already (hmmm wait i feel like we talked about it actually?) anyway i was originally gonna go study in England, but for loads of reasons I ended up staying in Germany and I‘m def happy with my decision, but I definitely want to go to England sometime even if it‘s just for six months or maybe for my masters or something? And (obviously everyone is different) but i think everyone should go abroad and live in a different country once in their life, no matter if it‘s for school or what, and even if it‘s just for a few weeks. But i think that‘s something that you‘d never ever forget! And combining that with your acting/theatre??? You really would be living the dream 💘💘😌

how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?— sounds good see you soon 🥰🥰🥰

i used to be one of the people who‘d just do motherlode motherlode motherlode and just... what did i do? Why did i do that??? But not anymore lol. Like I said i haven‘t played sims in a few weeks but i‘ve been watching a few legacy challenge let‘s plays and usually i play with the aging off. So my sims just don‘t age 💀 but i could (should) turn aging on so that it stays exciting and i have limited time and everything. and once i get bored with my current sims i can just make them have kids and continue playing as their children when they get older- like recently i remembered that i haven‘t played the acting career in ages? and i haven‘t had a shop in ages? and i think you can even become a vet right??? like those are definitely some things i want to do in the next weeks!!! Also yes sksksjs i have a few hundred hours on sims as well (if not thousands 😭) it was just that one household that i‘d been playing with for 24hrs

AND GIRL SSKSKJD THE UNIVERSITY THING HAPPENED TO ME TOO, it was a while ago so i don‘t remember what degree and what job it was about but i made my sim study something for aaaaaages so she‘d get a better job from the beginning (you know what i mean like get in at a higher level)...... and i apparently studied the wrong thing cause i didn‘t get any benefits from studying and still had to start at level 1 and shit 🥴🥲

Oh also (this was like 2 weeks ago) Enisa and Michael did take in Michael‘s daughter and i think Enisa currently even has a higher/better relationship with the daughter than Michael but um💀💀💀 also i was hoping (since michael and enisa married (in their back yard i think lol) that the daughter (i forget what her name is😭) would have enisa as her step mom? Like you know how you can see the relationship and it says daughter or son or sister.. and i was hoping that it would say step mom but it doesn‘t say anything 🥲 but in my mind (and if the sims had proper family relations) she is her step mom😌 also Leo is a teenager now???? I mean I aged him up lol dkdk he was being too annoying as a toddler but i don‘t like children so i aged him up twice in one day and now he‘s a teen, but that means he can look after his half sister when she becomes a toddler which is good (the game recognises them as siblings tho even if they‘re just half siblings? why can‘t they have step family members in the sims🥲) okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

I‘ve been a bit sick these past few days and now i‘m getting a headache so i have to finish this response tomorrow 😭😭😭 </3

.

It‘s not tomorrow, it‘s 3 hours later but i‘m better lol

oooff when sims are ungrateful and won‘t woo woo (lol i like that) cause they‘re too tired like?? Be grateful that you‘re not living with your parents anymore 🙄 no okay dkdkdkdl idk if you play with mods (i don‘t) but i know there is a mod (or it‘s part of a mod idk maybe wicked whims?) where you can adjust the percentage of how risky a normal woo woo is, like you still click woo woo (3dksksks okay i‘ll say woohoo again— wait is that what’s it called? 😭) but there‘s like a 25% chance that your sim can still get pregnant just like in real life there‘s always a chance of getting pregnant even if you‘re using protection (just not 25% lmao) but yeah i personally don‘t play with mods sksk and you can always just click try for baby but it would be cool if you could add stuff like risky woohoo to the game without mods (i have no idea how to download mods and i play sims on a really really old laptop and sims is literally tje only thing that works on it anyway so—) i repeat my words from earlier: okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

okay i‘m so sorry i‘m gonna watch fast & furious 1 now cause i need to watch f&f 1-5 until the 30th of april cause they‘re only on netflix til then (i mean i could watch them somewhere else but the quality is never as good) so i will finish this tomorrow after all😭

it is now 1 am, i finished the film, can feel a new obsession coming up again (i always have these f&f obsessions for six months before and after a new film comes out)

THE GOOGLE TRANSLATE wkekdjdj tbh it sounds like someone is speaking with some kind of foreign accent i guess that‘s probably because it just is a direct translation and so anyway slsjsj i don‘t know if you asked me what the word fucking is in german? like idk cause the translation is a bit weird but in case you asked lol sidjsjs theres not really a good translation like we just say fuck for fuck lmao, i don‘t know if you typed in fucking in google translate and it came out as verdammt? cause that means damn (or damned sksjjs) ummm yeah idek if/what you asked so imma move on🤧

I‘m not gonna comment on what you said about every stormzy song cause you already said all the important things but SKSKSJSJSKNSNDBDUDOENWBSLSKKHSULSLSKSBSJSKSK I WAS SMILING SO HARD WHEN I READ YOUR RESPONSE FOR THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH finally i know someone who loves him as much as i do 💘💘💘 also since you brought it up, i‘m pretty sure he‘s considered the most successful UK rapper or if not then at least top 3 so he‘s defffffffffinitely big in the uk, in germany more and more people are listening to uk rap too but not as much stormzy cause theyre dumb apparently 🙄 but anywY i‘m sooooo sooo happy that you like him. i think hith came out end of 2019 (i could be wrong but i think it came out on the 13th of december so (in a european way) you‘d write the date: 13.12 and obviously i don‘t KNOW this but i can definitely imagine that he chose that date because ACAB and yes, Michael. Yes. But he hasn‘t made too much music since then so i hope he‘s working on some new stuff 🤞🏼

Also i ordered the stormzy poster😌 also a nicki minaj one bc i decided i‘m gonna have one wall with red-ish posters (i already have two kinda red ones) and one with blue/green-ish posters (already have two) and i can add stormzy to the blue one and nicki to the red one, but i think that‘s it cause if my walls are tooo full it could look cluttered? I‘m not sure how that type of thing works lmao but my room is generally untidy so i don‘t want the walls to look unorganised too so i think that‘s it for now

I really want to finish this now but my brain is getting kinda slow and i need to sleep soon so this will have to wait till later after all 🥺🥴 (not that it makes and difference to you bc you‘ll see this whenever i post it buttttt i wanted you to know that i want to talk to you again but with my slow brain i‘m just taking too long to do it in one day😭😭😭 and i‘m so busy tomorrow hmm but i‘m sure i‘ll have 30 minutes to finish this then <3)

Okay wait I‘m so dumb I didn‘t realise I‘d nearly answered everything i could have posted this yesterday 😭😭

Oooohh that summer bra sounds so nice like if i was confident enough i literally would just wear a top that resembles a bra (or really is a bra lol) cause my tiddies always be looking amazing i‘m just insecure about my stomach sometimes 🙄🙄🙄 but recently i‘ve been loving myself more and more tbh 😌

also i hope you can go shopping for some nice clothes soon ✨😌

I‘ll be honest I haven‘t listened to your song recs YET but only because i wanna take my time with them and i‘ve been so busy and slso AJ tracey‘s album came out last week and I haven‘t listened to that one yet either so ekdkdj (he‘s also a uk rapper like quite popular and successful as well, but i feel like i‘m not gonna like his album cause whenever i‘m looking forward to an album it ends up being really bad and the albums where you weren‘t expecting it turn out to be bangers.... so yeah but i‘ll let you know when i listen to your songs!!!! :)

Omg i keep having to scroll up all the way to see the next thing you said so sorry if I completely miss some of the things you said😭😭

So when you sent this the bird was still bothering me oh my FUCK DKDLDMMDMDMD but now i‘ve been going to bed at like 1-2am so the bird is probably still asleep lool

Okay and for the rest of your ask my response is: 💘💖❣️💚❣️💛❣️💛💕💞❤️💓💟💞💕💕💖💘💝💟💟🧡❤️🧡💞💛💚💓💚💚💚❣️🧡💖💘🧡💝🧡💕💘🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥰🥺🥺💘💘💘💘💘 (okay that looked cuter in my head i don‘t really like the green hearts dldkkdksndnd)