#i actually look back at comments and compliments i get a lot and really appreciate/am thankful for them very much

[spamsandsuch]

btw im sorry i never really reply to comments/compliments directly i actually really appreciate them i just have bad social anxiety online /gen

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

The Man 11

Warnings: non/dubcon, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

Character: mob!Lloyd Hansen

Summary: a demanding customer complicates more than your work life.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging ❤️

You half smile and half cringe. Oh boy. He wants you to do that. With him there. Well, you never really did it with an audience. You’re more of a loner when it comes to... cumming. 

You let out a brittle chuckle, “sir, that’s... you know, I think I’m pretty good. I got lots of action today--” 

“I’m not asking,” his voice is dusky and makes your chest thump. Wow. Okay, you can see for a split second how he might be attractive. If you just photoshop the caterpillar off his lip with your mind Adobe. 

“I understand but what if I just focused on you, sir. You seem to enjoy that--” 

“Don’t make me repeat myself. It’s getting old. Fast.” 

“Sure, that’s fair, I hate a broken record,” you gulp and look down then back up, squinting as you smile with a strain in your cheeks. “So, like down here or... it’s a bit tight...” you sheepishly show your teeth then laugh for real as the joke bubbles in your mind. You can’t help but let it free, “that’s what she said.” 

He blinks and looks at the ceiling then down again. He sits back in his chair, legs wide, hands on his thighs. 

“Get on the desk,” he orders. 

You inhale and steel yourself. This is a lot. You think you’ve been handling things well. One thing in particular but you don’t know how much more you can take. Today has been intense. What time is it? 

You move forward, once more face to face with his crotch before you manage to plant a foot and stand. His eyes flick down and he hums. You turn slowly and try to see the corner of his screen. Holy, it’s not even three o’clock. 

“What the hell are you looking at?” He snarls. 

“Nothing, sir, promise--” 

“Turn it off.” 

You should say the same thing about his dick. You keep your mouth closed and press the button to black the monitor. You put your hands on the desk and carefully slide his delicate keyboard and mouse aside. They’re so light you nearly toss them. You shake your head. 

“What?” He sneers. 

“It’s just, sir, Apple products are made to break. This keyboard feels like a wafer.” 

“This isn’t what we’re doing right now. Focus.” 

“I’m focused,” you whine and consider the desk. This glass better be sturdy. 

You lift one knee, then the other. You don’t like this. It's like crossing ice; tenuous and just as cold. He clicks his tongue. 

“You know, you don’t got a bad ass considering,” he mutters. 

You should thank him. It’s a real compliment. All those squats you do when the shop slows down are paying off. You’re too frazzled to do much more than turn over and sit facing him. As hot as this might seem in his head, the logistics are not easy. Or safe. 

You glance around and frown, “sir, what if I break--” 

“You keep talking, and I’ll break something on you,” he swivels the chair slightly as his hand crawls up his pantleg. 

“Got it, okay, so...” you bend your legs, putting your feet on the glass and wiggles your toes.  

You slowly pull your thighs apart. You tremble as the cool air slips between them and grazes your cunt. Your ears are burning and your skull is pounding. You’re dizzy. This desk is really high up. You could fall and crack your head open. 

“Take your fucking time,” he growls. 

“Sir, I got a bit of stage fright here,” you squeak, “I never really... you know, in front of someone.” 

“No use being shy when you had me down your throat twice today,” he reprimands. 

“Fair,” you tilts your head, “that’s a good point.” You look down at your body and reach down between your legs. You blow out between your lips, almost whistling as some of the tension seeps out. “That’s helpful advice, actually.” 

He sighs and you seal your lips. You nod and close your eyes. You can do this. How many times have you done this? Well, maybe you shouldn’t be proud of that.  

You feel down your tummy and along your pelvis. Goosebumps rise and you shiver, leaning back on your other hands as your feet arch against the edge of the desk. You feel along your coily hair and delve between your tender folds. You’re wet but that’s better than the alternative. You’d rather this not last forever. 

You press down on your clit and take a deep breath. You let it out slow as you trace the sensitive bud and hum. Alright, gotta get the rhythm. You’re thinking too much. Stop that. 

Wait, no. You need to think. You need to picture something. This is too much pressure. Knowing he’s watching you, you have to think of anything else. Of someone. Someone sexy. You gotta get the motor going. 

You ease back onto your elbow as the heat begins to flow. You picture this burly guy you saw down at the sandwich shop. You don’t quite have the clear picture of him but he was tall and thick and he had some nice eyes. He also looks pretty grumpy but he could probably channel that energy into some good hip action. 

Okay, back to the point. You put together the fantasy; thick arms, hairy chest, throaty grunts, and a big... yeah. That’s it. Your fingers swirl faster, slippery as your excitement builds. You moan and tilt your head back. You’re almost there. 

You flick your fingers up and down, your thighs quivering. You gotta give this guy a name. Something sexy. Gene? No, ew, that’s not it. Hm. Oh, yes, Adam? The first man. The epitome of maleness. 

You squeak as your breath hitches and your lashes flutter. Your toes curl and you put your head forward as the tension winds tight and all at once, unleashes. You quake and drone out madly, head lolling as you fight to keep your fingers moving. You feel your orgasm flowing from you, wetting your cunt and the creases of your thighs. Fuck... 

Suddenly, your land on your back. The glass braces and you wait for a crack. Lloyd pins you by your neck. He swats your hand away from your cunt and frames your entrance with two long fingers. He drags them up, rubbing your buzzing clit as you squirm. 

“Oh, Adam,” you burst out and your eyes snap open in horror. You didn’t mean to let that out. 

“Adam?” He growls as he stops, squeezing your throat tighter, “who the fuck is Adam?” 

You touch his wrist, “I meant... Floyd?” 

[oneofnanamisgirls]

Toji Fushiguro Pt.3

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synopsis: texting toji after shiu woke you up from the job and toji comes over

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cw: ed/disordered eating mentioned, cursing, and honestly i can’t remember (sorry).

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A/N: heyy, sorry this took so long to post. i’ve been soo busy with schoolwork lately. likes/comments/reblogs are always appreciated <33

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your thumb hovers over the call button, debating whether or not to call him. would it be weird to call him this late?

you hear your brother shut the door of his bedroom. he would be going to sleep, he is a heavy sleeper.

you click the call button and wait.

"mphello." toji's voice was muffled.

"god, you really need to stop talking with your mouth full." you roll your eyes at him.

"how is it my fault you decide to call me as i am stuffing my face?" his voice was clear this time.

"i was debating if i actually wanted to call you or not."

"yeah and what's so wrong with talking to me?" you can hear the annoyance in his voice.

"stop being so defensive." you want to yell at him, but you whisper it out instead.

"you won't wake him up, he sleeps like a damn mummy." you laugh at his joke, knowing its true.

"that's true. what are you eating?" you ask curiously, remembering that you fell asleep before having dinner earlier.

"some leftover takeout from earlier. let me guess what you had, that pasta that you always make? with the orangey sauce." he asks, knowing that the pasta dish is his favorite and he is looking to score some.

"actually i passed out before eating earlier." you tell him as you put the phone on speaker and turn to lay on your side.

"you do that a lot." he mentions.

"i didn't realize you pay that much attention to me." you chuckle.

"aside from shiu, you are the only other person i see often."

"i take it as a compliment." you smirk to yourself.

"it wasn't, you shouldn't do that." he isn't entertaining the idea of it being a compliment.

"i mean that you pay attention to me." you defend.

"yeah i got that, but you have to eat. especially after a night like last night." he tells you. you can hear shuffling around from his end of the phone.

"forgetting to eat because i was asleep is not the end of the world toji. it was an honest mistake." you shift to the other side.

"it's been more than once. you think i don't realize? when shiu and i have late nights into the morning and you ask him to bring home food because you wake up starving?" he sounds mad.

"why are you lecturing me on this? i'm not doing it on purpose. i don't get why you are so mad over this." you speak defensively.

"i know about the shit from when you were a teenager y/n, i'm not dumb." he states as you hear the door locking through the phone.

"that was years ago toji. i was sick back then. you need to relax about this. i'm not doing it on purpose. i told you that. shiu knows." you explain yourself to him.

"bullshit." he scoffs as you hear an engine rumble in the background.

"where are you going?" you ask him.

"for a drive." he says coldly.

"i miss when you were being nice to me." you sigh.

"whatever, bye." the phone disconnects and you scoff at his ignorance. you should have known that he would flip to being a dick.

you realize that you didn't even shower either, and the warm water is just what you need. when looking for apartments, shiu insisted on both rooms having their own bathroom. you shut the bathroom down and have your shower.

the hot water made you feel better. you dry yourself off with the towel before wrapping it around your body.

"jesus christ!" you shout, noticing toji on your bed. "what the hell are you doing here?"

"brought you some food." he says nudging toward the bag on your desk.

"get out!" you point toward the door.

"not until you have dinner. what the hell is your problem?" he rolls his eyes.

"my problem is you invite yourself into my room without even telling me! i am also in a towel for gods sake."

"what are you embarrassed? its a towel, not like you are butt ass naked."

"seriously get out of my room!" you tell him again.

"fine." he waltzes out, shutting the door behind him.

he has some nerve, showing up unannounced. with frustration, you put clothes on without a care. you pause in the middle of pulling your pajama pants on when you realize you forgot to put lotion on. you groan out before sitting at the edge of your bed to apply the lotion to your legs.

you open the door, signaling to toji that you are finished and he can return. you apply your moisturizer in front of the mirror atop your dresser. toji makes himself comfortable at your desk chair.

"i'm surprised you even own clothes as skimpy as what you wore the other night. around here you always wear such baggy stuff." he states.

"can you just stop talking?" you're annoyed.

"look, i'm sorry for scaring you earlier and being a dick. you gotta realize that you and shiu are basically all i have. don't want anything happening to either of you." he tells you with little emotion in his voice.

"it's fine, but i don't need you to act like a parent to me. that stuff with the eating was almost a decade ago. i was really sick. i'm good now." you explain to him.

"i know, i'm sorry."

"did you just apologize to me? i swear i am still asleep. pinch me." you stick your arm out to him.

"haha very funny." he isn't amused. he takes a box from the bag he brought in and hands it to you. it was some plain noodles.

you thank him as he hands you a fork. he lets you sit in the chair to eat. you notice from the corner of your eye that he is looking at the stuff in your room. you let him browse the decor and the other things that decorate your room. you weren't embarrassed by anything, not even the stuffed bear on your bed. you were too mesmerized by the food. until you hear him start opening up drawers.

"get your filthy, greedy hands out of my drawers." you state, not even turning around to him.

"what? you got something you think i might find?" he asks, taunting you.

"no, it's rude to look through people's things." you say to him, taking your last bite.

"don't act so surprised by it then, especially from me." he tells you, truthfully. he isn't always this nice, if you could even say that.

"have some manners fushiguro." you treat him like a kid.

"back to the last names i see. ten years of knowing you and we are back to square one." he sits at the edge of your bed, manspreading of course.

"what did i say about manners?" you question rhetorically walking to him. you push his knees closed a bit. he looks up at you with his eyes, almost daring you to touch him again. "keep dreaming."

"you are the one dreaming." he uses your words back at him.

"why are you still here? you fed me, therefore you know i'm not sick." you cross your arms against your chest.

"we are both awake, might as well hang out." he shrugs his shoulders.

"god if we are actually hanging out, let me take a cigarette from shiu first." you playfully tease.

"i'm not that bad." he tries. "plus you don't smoke."

"not in front of you." you push your arms closer to your body.

"liar." he pokes.

you walk out of your room, grab a cigarette from the box that is tossed on the kitchen counter aside shiu's keys. you take the lighter from the box before walking to the door of the apartment. toji follows you outside, where you look out over the railing. you walk to the area farther away from the other apartments, finding yourself in your favorite corner of the balcony.

you sit on the stool that someone left when they moved out. the area you live in is a nicer area, but it's still in the city. as you take your first drag, toji waits for you to start coughing. when you don't, he raises an eyebrow.

"told you." you blow the smoke away from him.

"i guess we are just learning more about each other today." he leans against the railing next to you. you look around for the outside cat that always comes to your lap.

"hi sweet girl." you coo as the white cat, you have named edie, jumps into your lap.

"crazy cat lady." toji chuckles.

"her name is edie." you pet her and release your fist, letting her take the treat out of you palm.

"why don't you bring it inside?" he asks, receiving a glare from you.

"she is an outside cat, she has always been. i feed her everyday and got a little house for her where she sleeps. i tried bringing her in, but she kept wanting to go back outside." you tell him and then taking another drag. you pet edie with your empty hand, remembering that you have to give her some flea medicine soon.

toji can't help but admire your softness with the cat. he knows you are always soft with things that are precious to you. he is almost jealous of the way you are soft with a stray cat, you were never soft with him.

edie jumps off your lap and runs off to the stairs. you drop the cigarette butt on the ground, letting toji step on it. the sun begins to rise in the distance, you should try to get some rest.

"you look tired." toji notices.

"getting there." you lean your head back against the corner column. the tiredness hits you like a ton of bricks.

he offers a hand to pull you up from the stool. you stumble to your feet, clutching to his tee shirt in fear of falling. your head falls into his chest, you're unsure about the proximity. you were never this close up to him.

"sorry." you stumble back, he was unbothered. you slowly shift your feet back to the apartment, ready to brush your teeth and go to sleep for a few more hours.

you mumble a goodnight to toji, as he gets himself comfortable on the large couch in the living room. you don't wait for a response.

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taglist: @en-happiness

[chosos-husband]

Would an angsty jealous fem reader x lifeweaver fic be doable? Where shes jealous bc lifeweaver likes to flirt around with the others and it ends in her wanting to quit working with overwatch bc she gets hurt watching him with others? Happy ending please! One where they get together hwheh thank you!

Ugh Lifeweaver my BELOVED. Literally love this man so much. Thank you so much for requesting qwq!! Also sry this took forever! I am in college, and it has been screwing me over lately lmfao. Hope you enjoy it :3

I also forgot that I will be writing the reader with neutral identity unless otherwise stated. Thanks!

Niran, in general, was a flirtatious person. He always made cute comments towards the people that he was closer to. Even to those he had just met, he would give the sweetest remarks about something he saw in them.

He had a talent of seeing the best in those around him. Everything living had beauty and value to him. Niran had a calling to protect this inherit beauty.

Of course, this did not end with you. Every message from him was signed off with something just to make you smile. It was impossible to not love him, even if it was just a little. It was hard to not love someone who made you blush every day.

As time passed on, you did learn to love him, a lot actually. You made excuses to visit his office and made reasons for you two to work together, even if there was no logical explanation for that decision.

You learned to admire Niran in the same way he did you. You appreciated him as a being. Physically, he was stunning. Anyone could agree with that. However, you feel in love with him entirely, a large component of that being in his words and actions.

It was easy to feel special with him. It was as natural as breathing to love him.

It's why it burned so much to see him talk that same way to others. For awhile, it was just you. He would only really speak to you in this way. But, quite suddenly, he started talking like that to others.

You analyzed what those peers had that you didn't. You didn't know what Niran's type was, as it kinda seemed like everyone was.

He would compliment their outfits and style. You couldn't help but wonder if that's what he would have preferred out of you. It was simplistic to fall into the trap of what he would have preferred. What would make him adore you as much as you did him.

As more time passed, you grew angry with him. It was cruel. That he would give the impression that you were special to him. Just for him to run around and talk to other people the same way. It just wasn’t fair for him to do this to you.

You couldn’t look at him without him being angry. You couldn’t stand for him to compliment you anymore. You knew how he would be talking that way with just anyone else. It didn't mean anything. It wasn't special to him.

You started just ignoring what he said to you. You would roll your eyes or not respond. Niran tried asking if he was doing something to upset you. But you never answered him, you would simply walk away.

It got to the point where you just didn't want to see his face anymore. Even if he only spoke to you again, it didn't matter. You didn't want to see him anymore. As, all it did was hurt.

You grew with frustration when Overwatch didn't accept your request to transfer departments. They stated that your work with Niran was important and that you two already agreed to work on that assignment together.

Niran looked by as you were putting things into a box. Everyone else had already left the building. You didn't want to make leaving a big scene. You didn't want anyone to question you or try to talk you out of it. It didn't even come to mind how Niran tended to stay later than everyone else did.

"y/n, what are you doing?" He frowned. He knew that you were angry with him. However, Niran still loved you and he didn't want to see you leave.

"Why do you care?" You snapped back. You continued to pack things into boxes.

"I care about you. We've worked together for a long time now. Why do you think I wouldn't?" Niran stepped close to you, which just made you more irritated.

"Don't even try to pull that with me anymore. If you care about me, you wouldn't talk to me like that. You wouldn't flirt with me and then act like I'm nothing the second I step away and there is someone else to talk to. I'm not special to you." You rambled. If you were thinking rationally, you would have seen the hurt in his eyes. That, he hated the idea that he was hurting you this much and didn't even know it.

"That's just the way I speak, it isn't personal, y/n." Niran tried to explain, but you weren't really listening.

"It doesn't matter. I'm leaving Overwatch anyway. You can tell them that when I don't come in tomorrow."

"You can't leave! Our work is together. I work with you and that's the only way it will continue to grow. I can't continue this project alone. "

"Why should I care now?"

"Why are you angry?" Niran was starting to get frustrated with you. Though, he was very good about keeping his anger in check. He just didn't understand how he was supposed to know you were upset without you talking to him.

"Because I loved you and it felt like you loved me back. But I don't mean shit to you. Do I, Niran? Aren't I just some other person in this lab to you?

Niran's eye widened a little bit. The confession was sudden, but provoked. His normal confident, charming demeanor fluttered. He was blushing.

Your confusion grew as you could see him looking for any implication of sarcasm.

"Are you serious?" Niran smiled a little bit. His tone was soft and no longer defensive.

"Why lie now? I'm leaving anyway." You shrugged. There was a level of embarrassment to it. That you are confessing to someone just before running away.

"I do love you. I have for quite a long time really."

Your entire expression softened. Now, you were trying to figure out if he was being sarcastic.

"You don't act like it. I don't really believe you, Niran."

"I have. I wasn't sure how to talk to you. I tried. But I wasn't sure you were interested at all. I only started talking to others to get over it. But I can't say that I ever did. I never stopped thinking about you in that way. I just didn't want to say it and ruin our friendship." He paused. "But I guess I did that anyway, didn't I?"

You stood there, looking into the box that you had on your chair. Maybe this was all just a silly misunderstanding. Perhaps you were just being jealous and refusing to talk to him about it.

"Are you willing to give me another chance?" Niran asked, making you look up. You hesitated for answer for a moment.

"I think I will."

~~

A few months later, you two are cuddling in his room. He definitely appreciated showing his affection through actions. You were laying on top of him, your head resting against his chest. Initially, you were counting his heartbeats, but he kept talking to you and making you forget which number you were on.

"Thank you for giving me another chance y/n." Niran put his fingers through your hair.

"I wouldn't if you weren't so pretty." You were just teasing and it made him smile.

"Then, I'm glad that I am. I don't want to imagine a life where I'm not with you." Those stupid words again. You could feel your face getting a little hot.

"Hush now, I'm going to bed."

Niran was awake a little longer than you. He couldn't stop thinking about this. He was scared that he almost lost you. That him not being able to say it made your relationship almost never happen.

But, he had you now and you had his complete, unforgiving attention.

[fablesrose]

Ch 20 - The Reunion Job

Series Rewrite Masterlist 

Pairing: Eliot Spencer x Ford!Reader

Description: The team goes back in time, to high school with all the insecurities of a nerd turned overly rich and successful bully.

Words: 5.7k

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It was only a couple of days later when after Hardison met the client with Nate, he burst through my door complaining about Eliot being a lurker and Nate playing mind games with him which he very much did not appreciate. At least that’s what I could decipher from his frustrated ramblings. I’ll admit, I was only half listening to him as I was just reaching the most exciting part of the book I was reading.

“How do you deal with him?” Hardison finally asked. 

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Well, I mean, he’s your uncle, he raised you. You’ve gotta have dealt with his mind games and little psychological tricks all the time, so…” 

I sighed, realizing that he actually wanted an answer and not just a rant session. Meaning, I wasn’t going to be able to finish the chapter. I closed the book and turned to stare at Hardison. I contemplated whether I wanted to actually answer his question in a fulfilling and helpful way for my friend or find out what happened in the current story arc. 

I think the answer is obvious. Now how to go about completing the goal. 

“Well, Hardison, you are a very smart young man,” I began. 

It was obvious that he was not expecting the compliment and blinked, “Well, I– I’m not sure how that–”

“It is very relevant,” I cut him off, bringing the attention to me again. “The thing with dealing with manipulation tactics is that you first have to understand them.” I stood up from my couch, making a better connection with him by having more direct eye contact. “You see, Nate does use mind games, but it isn’t an always, every time thing so in order to identify when he is trying to manipulate you, well, let's say there is a learning curve.”

“And I am at the very bottom of the curve,” Hardison whined a bit. “I have never been at the bottom of a curve!”

I thought I had him hooked, so said a quick, ‘follow me’ and tried to walk towards my door, and to my satisfaction, he started to follow without a second thought. “That’s okay, I’m sure you will catch on. The thing about manipulation is that it is most often about subverting attention, whether that be to the manipulator, yourself, or somewhere else with a hyper focus that it is hard to redirect back to where you want if you aren’t looking out for it.”

He followed and listened intently, making a few interested comments. 

I walked him across the hall and entered Nate’s apartment, “It takes practice and a lot of self awareness both to spot it and to try to do it to someone. There’s also tricks that can help, in a way it is similar to grifting and hacking, just combining the two.”  I finally led him to where his computer was, “But, I won’t keep you any longer. I think it is better if you did some research on some psychology and the job for the client, right?” I nodded as I asked him that and he instinctively nodded back at me, agreeing as he sat down and placed his hands on his computer. 

“Okay, thanks y/n.”

I hummed in agreement and casually, but quickly, walked back across the hall to get back to my book. Hopefully Hardison didn’t think too much about what just happened when he was doing his research. 

Not too much later Nate came in to bring me along for the recon of an Iranian intelligence secret police hideout. 

“You’re lucky I just finished a really good part of this book and need to decompress a bit,” I said as I slipped a bookmark in and stood from my couch for the second time. 

“Mmm hmm, I think you’re the lucky one because you wouldn’t be able to pull the same thing on me that you did on Hardison,” he said, very self satisfied. 

I stopped in my tracks, “how do you know about that?”

“I was upstairs and heard you.”

“You’re not gonna tell him, are you?”

“Only if you hurry up, we’ve gotta go. Come on, birdy,” he insisted, ushering me along and out the door. 

“Okay! Okay, I’m going!”

Eliot and Hardison went into the restaurant as health inspectors. Sophie was already there as a customer with a bug in her food to give the boys an in to do an inspection. When Eliot wouldn’t help her get the roach away from her after her outburst, she told him that he would pay for it. I’m sure that will be interesting. 

Parker was breaking in one of the back rooms where we were sure all of their sensitive information was. Nate and I stayed in the truck monitoring. Once Parker plugged into their computer, Hardison cloned it so we could all see the screen and Hardison could search the files. Meanwhile, Eliot was doing the food inspection as a bit of a distraction, and if I didn’t know any better, I would have thought he was enjoying himself, just a little bit. 

“There’s nothing on Manticore, starting a syntax search” Hardison said as he remotely connected to the computer. 

“What about the Manticore?” I asked, vaguely gesturing to the graphic on the bottom corner of the screen depicting the creature. 

“The image on the bottom left there,” Nate said, since Hardison couldn’t see where I was gesturing. “Manticore is a mythological creature, Persian for ‘man-eater.’”

“Yeah, I was just about to click on that,” Hardison said unconfidently. 

“Oh yeah, right, sure,” I replied, making sure he knew of my skepticism. 

Hardison clicked on the graphic and a bunch of files opened on the screen. 

“Okay, let’s uh, copy Cyrus’s program,” Nate said. 

“I’d love to, but it’s not here,” Hardison said. “Doesn’t even look like they’ve heard of Cyrus.”

I looked at Nate, “That’s odd. Then who stole the program?”

“I’ve got payment records here,” Parker said. “The last one dated three weeks ago.”

After some searching, Hardison said, “The last Manticore update was also three weeks ago.”

“And who was that payment to?” Nate asked. 

Hardison answered with a low whistle. 

“Larry Duberman,” Hardison began once we got back for the brief on our new mark. “Founder and Ceo of Dubertech. Back in the 90s he wrote the book on digital database security. Literally wrote the book.”

Eliot stepped between Sophie and I with an intricate looking tea set and started pouring the both of us tea as Hardison explained how much revenue Duberman pulled in. I tried to make eye contact with either Eliot or Sophie to question what was going on, but Eliot was focused on pouring the tea, and Sophie wasn’t paying any attention to him at all.

“Why would Larry Duberman be selling software to Iran? He doesn’t need the money,” Sophie said and quietly thanked Eliot for the tea with a soft touch to his shoulder.

I repeated the sentiment to him, without the touch, and took a sip, noticing it was my favorite tea. I smiled a bit to myself, not quite listening to what Hardison was saying. I did catch that Duberman had a lot of competition in the tech industry which required him to expand his market share to make money. 

“So, he sells the technology to embargoed countries and the income is tax free?” Nate asked. 

“That’s a nice way to keep the bottom line from being squeezed,” Sophie commented. 

“Now Duberman has a long term contract around Manticore for Iran, this man has become the IT department for the axis of evil,” Hardison said definitely. 

“Alright, so Eliot was right,” Nate said. “The Veserate didn’t go after Cyrus, Duberman did.”

“It’s not about politics man,” Eliot said while squeezing a lemon into Sophie’s tea. “It’s bad business for him.”

“Okay, so Duberman’s our target,” Nate said, “what are we up against?”

Hardison explained how if we could shut off a certain one of Duberman’s servers then we could shut off Manticore. 

“So, get to hackin’ man,” Eliot said. 

“Dude, what is it about ‘wrote the book on database security’ that you don’t comprehend?” Hardison mocked. “I can’t just access Manticore remotely, we got to get to that server, in person.”

“Have any of you ever trimmed a Bonsai?” Nate asked. 

I looked at him quizzically before following his eyes to see where he was looking at an article saying that Duberman recently installed a Japanese garden. 

“I mean, I took a class in college,” I said, once I thought I had an idea of where he was going with the question. 

“Really?” Eliot said in an excited and almost conspiratorial whisper, “cuz I actually–”

“Maybe some other time, Eliot,” Nate cut him off, clicking on the screen to enlarge the article he was reading. 

“Okay,” he said, a little dejected, also seeming to realize why Nate asked, more hypothetically. 

I was about to give an encouraging remark to Eliot when my attention got pulled to the other side of the table. 

“Why is Eliot pouring your tea?” Parker asked. “Hmm? You brainwash him again?”

Again? When was the first time?

Sophie hummed in a negative tone. “Neuro-linguistic programming,” she corrected. “It’s amazing what you can do with the power of suggestion. ‘Sugar, squeezed,’” She said, only slightly directed at Eliot and patted his shoulder again. “And a few strategic pats on the arm.”

Eliot seemed to register what Sophie said and paused where he was about to pour her some more tea, “Damn it!”

“You owe me for that roach business!”

“Damn it!” Eliot repeated, “Sophie, not again.” He then took the cup of tea he was pouring for Sophie and marched off. 

Hardison was laughing at the front of the room, and it only took me a moment to give a laugh as well. It seems to be the job for mind games. 

I took a sip of my tea, which Eliot left in front of me, and leaned toward Sophie, “Thanks for including me in the tea, this is my favorite.”

“Oh, I didn’t tell him to do either of those things, but I’m glad you enjoyed it, dear,” she replied casually. 

That made me pause, because it didn’t seem like something Eliot would do on his own, but I took Sophie’s word for it and just assumed that maybe her programming accidentally implied something about me getting tea too. The tea being my favorite must have been a coincidence. 

Regardless, I was going to enjoy the drink in front of me. 

I had volunteered to go into Dubertech as a custodian/gardener to help in the break in, but Eliot ended up doing it. I assume because he also got some nostalgia from the bonsai as well as this part of the mini con involved literally running into Duberman and accidentally roughing him up a little. 

Eliot would shove a bonsai into his hands, spilling it everywhere. Hardison and Parker would immediately come in to clean it up, swiping his keycard and his fingerprint off the bonsai pot. Hardison and Parker then proceeded to break into Duberman’s office to gain access to the Manticore server. 

Sophie, Nate, and I were at his apartment watching through the camera Hardison had with him. When they walked into the supposed server room, they paused. 

“Whoa,” Parker said. 

“It seems like we stepped out of Japan and straight into high school,” Hardison said.

“In 1985,” Parker clarified. 

As Hardison panned the camera around the room, we could see that they were right. There was so much high school memorabilia and 80s tech on the shelves and in trophy cases. The lighting even seemed to be retro. 

“Did you find the server running Manticore?” Nate asked, trying to get them back on track. 

“Oh, I found it,” Hardison said. “Small problem: Nate, he’s running Manticore from his high school computer.”

The computer in question came into view and I was amazed that a program as advanced and complicated to spy on Iranians could even be run on the machine.  Parker picked up and waved a floppy disk with a Manticore sticker on it. 

“Question: can we just smash the computer? Would that work?” I asked. 

“No,” Hardison replied, but didn’t explain as he plugged in to the computer and began to try and hack it. 

“Fair enough, just thought I’d double check.”

“Vintage 1980s technology, man,” Hardison said, mostly to himself, “no wonder I couldn’t hack it from the outside. It’s speaking a dead language.”

“This is bringing a whole new meaning to ‘tech people don’t trust modern tech,’” I commented. 

We watched as Hardison ran passwords through the computer, trying to gain access. After a few moments, an announcement came through talking about a possible breach. 

“Hey, they’re onto us!” Parker said. “What’s the deal?”

“He’s got a multi-tiered password system,” Hardison explained. “Now, I’ve already broken into the first few: uh, Zavransky, MandyDD, a bunch of other random ones.” Hardison’s computer then made an unusual sound. 

“Is that a good beep or a bad beep?” Parker asked. 

“Ohh, that’s a bad beep. We just hit a wall.”

“You didn’t get the password?” Nate asked. 

“Not the master one,” Hardison said, “the last one I got is: L33R15L06.”

Sophie and Nate looked at each other and said ‘high school’ at the same time in a dejected voice. 

“That password is what tipped you off?” I asked sarcastically, mostly to cover up how I wasn’t sure how that password connected to the theme, but with all of the high school themed stuff in the room, it made sense. 

“Come on, let’s go,” Parker said anxiously. 

“Hold on, let me just copy this disk,” Hardison replied. “How did anyone get anything done in the 80s?”

They were able to make their escape once the download finished and made their way back to the pub. We all met down there to discuss what to do from there. 

“Nobody else thinks it’s weird that you can just buy anybody’s yearbook online?” Eliot said when Hardison pulled out Duberman’s yearbook to consult.

“You know, it’s real cute man how you still believe in privacy,” Hardison replied.  

“I’m just amazed he could get his hands on it so quickly,” I commented.

“Here we go,” Nate said as he flipped through it. “Zavransy: math teacher. Now I bet if we turn to the cheerleaders… Yes. Oh, Mandy.”

Eliot gave a low whistle. I glanced at the picture and, well, the double Ds in the password did make some sense. 

“What does the ‘DD’ mean?” Parker asked.

The boys gave some innuendoes towards Mandy’s chest which I rolled my eyes at. I just told Parker that she didn’t need to worry about it. 

“It was the last password that tipped us off,” Nate continued, “L33R15L06, now that has to be a locker combination, right?”

I nodded my head, agreeing, trying to disguise that I was just coming to the realization of what that was now. I guess I never remembered any of my locker combinations that way. Or remembered any at all.  

“So clearly, he’s obsessed with high school,” Nate concluded. “Memorabilia, his high school computer.”

“Yeah, he’s a classic computer nerd,” Sophie said. She glanced at Hardison and apologized. “The girls totally ignored him, the guys picked on him, now that he’s a success, he can’t leave the past behind him.”

“Yeah, he has to remember who he was because it made him who he is,” Nate said.

“I feel bad for the nerd,” Parker said with an almost sympathetic deadpan.

“Don’t feel bad for this guy,” Eliot replied. “Getting bullied in high school is no excuse for propping up dictators. Take Hardison, he got bullied his whole high school career, he’s not a criminal.”

We all looked at him incredulously. Sophie and Parker verbally disagreed.

“Not a bad criminal,” Eliot amended. 

“What makes you think I got bullied in high school?” Hardison asked. 

“A: you’ve got a green hornet doll.”

“First: it’s a limited edition action figure. Second: it is Green Lantern. Educate yourself.”

“Guys, listen, listen,” Nate interrupted, “we’ve got a locker combination, we have a teacher’s name, and we have a crush. So Duberman has made his old high school, his roman room.”

After a moment, Parker confidently said, “Of course.”

“Of course?” Nate asked her, “what’s a roman room?”

She crumbled and admitted she didn’t know. 

“It’s a memory technique,” he explained. “Each of his passwords corresponds with an object in a space he is intimately familiar with. In his case: the hallway of his old high school where he kept his locker. Now if I were to make this bar my roman room, everything I need to remember is in this room. For instance:” Nate stood and clasped me on the shoulder, “my, uh, email password would be Birdy here.” He then approached the bar and picked up a bottle of liquor, “and my bank password would be Balmore,” he said with a shrug. He then poured himself a drink from the very same bottle. 

“Hey,” Parker leaned across the table to Hardison, “Nate just gave us his passwords, huh?”

“No,” Hardison said, “but I already got all his passwords. Want to see his Netflix queue?” He continued with Parker’s nod, “He’s got, like, every season of ��Rockford Files,’ every season of ‘Sex in the City,’ that show ‘Psych.’”

“Oh, that’s a good one,” I said. 

“Hey,” Nate came back and leaned over Hardison’s shoulder, “Listen, if we can’t get into the main server without Duberman’s master password, you can’t hack into that, right?”

“No, the password's up in the guy’s head. Can’t hack a guy’s head.”

“So the only option is to break inside his roman room.”

“You wanna break into his high school?” Parker asked. “Pft, I could do that blindfolded. Yeah, let’s do it blindfolded.”

“No, no, no, what we’re gonna do, is we’re gonna break into that high school, twenty five years ago.”

“Hmm, what do ya know,” Hardison said, looking at his phone, “Class of ‘85 has a reunion coming up. In eight months.”

We shared a passing look between each other with a smile. I think we could make that work. 

Sophie made some calls as different reunion committee members and was able to get the reunion moved up to this month. She then called Duberman to personally invite him to the party, naming some classmates that should incentivise him to come. And lo and behold, he said he ‘wouldn’t miss it for the world.’ 

Hardison went in and edited a picture of Sophie and put it in the yearbook under the name of Grace Pelts. Nate was going to pose as a student named Drake McIntyre and play the rival, or villain in Duberman’s story. When he came out in his chosen outfit, he for sure looked like the peaked in high school jerk that he was going for. 

Parker posed as one of the caterers and placed cameras around the school so Hardison could keep an eye on everything and help Nate and Sophie out when needed. 

“Oof, so many awkward people in so many ugly outfits,” Parker said as she took a look at the bulletin board with the ‘nostalgic’ photos. 

“You’re lucky you never went to high school,” Hardison said. “Nothin’ but heartbreak and homework.”

I sighed with a nod of my head, though he couldn’t see me, it was true. 

“Didn’t you go to your Prom?” she asked. 

“Uh… I was kinda busy,” he replied in a way that told me he was doing something that he wasn’t supposed to. Probably highly impressive and highly illegal.

“So you guys get to go to the reunion, and I’m stuck on goon patrol?” Eliot griped beside me as he pulled on his gloves.

“What am I? Chopped liver?” I asked, unamused. 

“No, you’re at least a nice Pâté,” he replied with a slight apologetic look. 

I squinted at him, not understanding what he was implying, “I’m gonna try and take that as a compliment, but you’re on thin ice right now.”

“Eliot, listen, once we get the password, you and y/n have to enter it on Duberman’s computer and destroy Manticore,” Nate explained. “Hardison is a little occupied.”

“Besides, I’m sure you already had your high school fun,” Hardison goaded. “Big man on campus. What? Quarterback?”

I watched as a slight smirk of reminiscence appeared on his face and he pulled his hood up, “I had many interests.”

He then waited until a lone employee walked out of the Dubertech building and knocked him out with one punch. I quickly rummaged through his pockets until I found his key card. Eliot then dragged him off to the side in the bushes where we were standing and I tossed his briefcase into the bushes after him. The two of us then entered the building and made our way to the so-called server. 

Meanwhile, Sophie was making first contact with Duberman, stroking his ego a bit to get him loosened up. She also helped make the introduction to Duberman of Nate being Drake McIntire. 

Apparently Drake was pretty popular in high school as it sounded like he was swarmed by people greeting him. Nate made sure to point out Duberman from across the room and address him as “doucherman!”

That seemed to sell it for Duberman.

“How’d you know that was his nickname?” Sophie whispered when she was able to take a step away from Duberman. 

“With a name like Duberman, it’s not exactly rocket science,” Nate replied as he greeted more people, asking Hardison to help him keep his cover. 

“Doucherman’s pretty good,” I commented. “If you wanted to just mispronounce his name you could go with Doberman but that might be too cool for him. I probably would have gone for gooberman or nooberman.” 

There was a moment of silence.

“Say, y/n, who were you in high school?” Hardison asked over comms. 

I scoffed, “Please, I didn’t conform to high school stereotypes.”

“Emo,” a couple voices said, including Eliot who was walking alongside me. 

I looked at him and sputtered a bit, trying to deny it. 

“Don’t even try it, y/n,” Hardison teased, “I can always look up your yearbook pictures.”

“Don’t you dare,” I said in the most threatening voice I could muster. 

“Mmhmm,” Hardison replied in a tone that told me he wasn’t convinced but then continued to help Nate by feeding him facts about his supposed classmates. 

Sophie was able to pull Duberman into the hallway and started reminiscing, trying to get any passwords she could out of him. 

“This hall is burned in my mind,” Doberman said as they walked. 

“Say, wasn’t that Mrs. Zavransy’s room?” Sophie asked. 

“Had her for homeroom. Yeah, Pat Brander once gave me a wedgie in front of the whole class,” He replied. 

“Pat Brander,” Sophie emphasized as if she was remembering too. 

“Check out Brander,” Eliot told me as I sat at the computer. 

I typed in the last name which didn’t work and then first, and then first and last, but none worked, “Name isn’t working.”

“Try Brander303, that was the room number,” Hardison said. 

I typed it in, “Uh, looks like we got payroll.”

“Alright guys, patience,” Nate told us. “If we get him riled up, he’ll lead us to the password we want.”

Nate entered the hallway in a drunken manner and started teasing Duberman in a way that was very reminiscent of teenagers. 

“We’re not eighteen anymore!” Duberman whined, trying to get him to stop. 

“I’m just reliving the good old times, ya know,” Nate replied. 

“Good times? You think they were good times for me? Like when you told Amy Tuttleton, the prettiest girl in school, that I had both male and female genitalia?”

Nate laughed, “I forgot about that! Yeah, that was classic.”

I typed in every variation I could think of for a password with Amy Tuttleton, with no hits. 

“Hermaphrodite?” Eliot asked over my shoulder. 

“I’m not trying that,” I said. 

After a few more passing comments between Nate, Sophie, and Duberman, Duberman finally said, “You just don’t get it, do you? I won.”

“Oh come on now, you’re not still steamed about things that happened twenty-five years ago. Come on! Listen, it wasn’t all bad, does your brain only remember the painful bits?”

“Just the important stuff,” he tried to defend. “Like what happened in the library.”

“Oh yeah, go on,” Sophie encouraged. 

“No, you remember, yeah, I was sitting there–”

He was cut off by a newcomer entering the hallway and their little group. It sounded like a flirty woman, who Nate, trying to stay in character, drew her attention to himself. Nate said her name was Nikki and she implied she was a cheerleader. Hardison got to work trying to give Nate information about her, but there were multiple cheerleaders who could have had the nickname Nikki. She then dragged Nate away from Duberman and Sophie to make out. 

“Nate, I hope you know, this is so gross,” I said, trying to block it out. “Hardison, can you mute him for me for a second so I can listen to Sophie?”

He did as I asked and tuned me to Sophie and Duberman’s conversation.

I kept trying passwords that Sophie was giving me, and while a few of them opened different capabilities, none were the master password we were looking for. Eliot paced around the room looking at memorabilia and giving me updates on the others. 

“Ha, Nikki locked Nate in a closet after he turned her down.”

I laughed as I tried another password, “serves him right, he probably broke that poor girl’s heart. And he broke my eardrums.”

“Yeah, Parker said the same thing along with high school being dramatic. She’s gonna go break him out.”

I scoffed, “she can say that again. High school was so over dramatic.”

“Says the emo.”

I glared at him and he changed the subject, looking back at the glass case in front of him, “They give out trophies for chess?”

“Chess is at least a strategy game. It’s better than a spelling bee trophy,” I countered.

He didn’t have the chance to reply as grinding noises and sparks started to shoot through the door. 

“It’s the Veserate, they’re comin’ in!” Eliot told me and the rest of the crew. 

Hardison unmuted Nate for me as he asked what the Iranians were doing here. 

“How are we supposed to know?” I told him. 

As I typed in another password, Nikki crashed Duberman’s and Sophie’s conversation again. She said she just wanted Drake out of the way so she could have Duberman all to herself, she spilled her drink on Sophie in the process, insisting she clean up. Well, there goes our audience with him and our opportunity to get the password. At least for now. 

“What happened? He get away?” Nate asked Sophie when they met up. 

“She took him!” Sophie lamented, “That, that… That bloody little slut!”

I’ll admit, that was not what I expected to come out of her mouth.

“Calm down,” Nate mediated. 

“Just because I’m not some cheerleader or something!” 

Oh, there was some bad blood here. Some history for Sophie. 

“Alright, let’s forget about it for now. Eliot and y/n have company and we’re no closer to getting the password, so I think we need to escalate.”

“You think he’s ready?” Sophie asked. 

“Uh, guys,” Hardison interjected, “I’ve accounted for all the Nikkis in the class of ‘85, your Nikki’s not even in the yearbook.”

“Wait, so she’s a fraud, like us?” Parker asked. 

“What, is she just some random hussy who’s out for his cash?” Sophie proposed. 

“Not exactly,” Hardison answered. “She’s a hired gun.”

I shifted my focus from the melting door to Eliot, “Well, this just got more complicated.”

“An assassin?” Sophie asked. “Nikki’s an assassin?”

“Yeah, I guess we weren’t the only ones with the bright idea to pose as alumni,” Hardison said. “This chick’s connected to wetwork jobs all up and down the east coast. Russian mob, Italian mob, there’s a New Zealand mob?”

“This is our fault,” Nate said. 

“I didn’t do anything,” Parker denied. 

“We lured him to an unsecured environment,” Sophie said. “We exposed him.”

“Now we have to save him,” Nate said. “We can’t destroy Manticore with him dead. Split up and find him. Eliot what’s happening on your end?”

“T minus five seconds,” he replied. “This reunion sucks!”

“I agree!” I said, surveying the room, trying to find something I could defend myself with. I finally settled on using a chair if I had to. 

We watched as a hole was finally punched through the door and a head appeared to assess the room. When he saw Eliot, he said, puzzled, “The health inspector?”

Eliot shrugged, “I’m gonna have to dock ya again.”

Two of them quickly entered the room, the first raising a gun to Eliot. He knocked it away and was able to knock one down at a time to fight off the other. The first was able to drive Eliot into one of the trophy cases, breaking the glass everywhere. I stepped up and stomped on the back of his knee, making him collapse. I then stepped back out of the way to play support, protect the computer, and input the password if necessary. 

“Duberman must have pissed off the Iranians,” Hardison said, “They hire an assassin to take him out while they raid his office? Eliot, you’ve got to keep them away from that computer.”

“He’s working on it!” I yelled at him at the same time Eliot said, “What do you think I’m doing?”

Eliot grabbed the chess trophy and was able to knock out the second Iranian, and for a moment, they were both down, and it was quiet. 

“Check mate,” Eliot said, but the first Iranian would just not stay down and stood up again, ready for another round. “Or not.”

Over comms, it sounded like Sophie was able to find Duberman and Nikki and fight her off.

“I always hated cheerleaders,” Sophie said. “It was always mean girls like you who ruined high school for the rest of us!” It sounded like they kept fighting for a bit before Sophie was able to get away.

Eliot kept playing whack-a-mole with the Iranians, as soon as one went down, the other popped back up. I tried to help where I could, taking any cheap shots that were available while Eliot kept them occupied. Luckily, anytime they turned to engage me, Eliot was freed up to take them down, or at least divert their attention to himself. 

I heard Duberman’s voice come through the comms again along with Nate, so he must have found him again. I was too preoccupied with the Iranians in front of me to pay attention to what was going on with them, but nothing seemed to be going horribly wrong yet. At least, not more than it already was. 

What I did hear was Nate saying, “And, it’s done.”

That was a signal that Duberman changed the password. Eliot was still engaged with the Iranians, so I took a risk to turn my back on them and type in the new password, testing if Sophie’s neuro-linguistic programming worked to put ‘Badger85’ in his head. 

“I’m in, Hardison,” I said, hearing Eliot finally knock both of them out enough to stay down. 

“Great, now deauthorize and delete all directories, like we talked about,” he replied. 

I typed in the commands and watched as the program fizzled out. “It’s done.”

“Manticore’s dead,” Eliot added with a note of finality.

Hardison was able to send some files to the FBI with an anonymous tip that should land Duberman in detention for a long while. 

“Well, I think it’s time we graduate,” Sophie said once the figurative dust settled for a moment. 

Nate agreed, but they were stopped by a loud announcement that even Eliot and I could hear through the comms. 

“Your votes are in for the king and queen of the reunion, and the lucky winner is: Grace Pelts and Drake McIntyre!”

I laughed. I could just imagine the shock on their faces. 

“Uh, very funny Hardison. Y/n?” Nate said. 

“Oh, you think I did this?” Hardison asked. “Nah, I don’t rig elections. I mean, I could, but…”

“How could I have pulled that off? I’ve been across town this whole time,” I pointed out. 

“Parker, was this you?” Sophie asked. 

“I didn’t even know they had kings and queens in high school,” she replied. 

“Yeah, um. I guess it was a good con,” Nate said. “Hardison, why don’t you set off the fire alarm right about now?”

“You two enjoy this, you earned it,” Hardison replied.

Music started and Hardison asked Parker for a dance. 

“Everybody having a good time at the dance, anybody wondering if we’re okay? If we made it out alive?” Eliot grumpily asked the team. 

“Do you want to dance? We can still hear the music,” I said, a blush coating my face at the question even though I asked it kind of sarcastically. 

Eliot paused, like the thought hadn’t occurred to him. “Well, uh–”

“My vote is we get some good food,” I amended before he could say no. 

“Oh, yeah. That, uh, that sounds great right now,” Eliot answered. “Much better than a dumb high school dance.”

I let out a huff of a laugh and pulled out my earbud, “uh huh.”

The employee that we stole the key card from stood up from the bushes and Eliot quickly knocked him out again with a punch. 

“Was that necessary?” I asked him. 

“Probably not, but it made me feel better,” he answered while he dug his own earbud out.

I nodded and jokingly linked my arm with his as we walked silently towards his truck for a few paces. 

“What should we eat?” he asked me. 

“I don’t know.” I thought about it for a moment and remembered what he said earlier in the night, “What’s Pâté? Is that good? Should I try that?”

“Maybe not tonight, let’s take a drive and see what we can find.”

“Sounds good to me.”

A/n: Reblogs and comments are welcome and encouraged! Thank you for reading!

Tags: @instantdinosaurtidalwave @kniselle @technikerin23 @kiwikitty13 @plasticbottleholder @wh1sp @who-actually-cares-anymore 

[instexcamera]

omg hiiiiii

how are youuuuu

can i request a piece with a soft dom mayoi and almost a ‘bratty’ sub reader who’s afab with gn pronouns? :0

also i have a thing for his hands and his teeth so… hehe. and maybe subtle corruption kink?

Mayoi, my favorite to write

SoftDom!Mayoi x Sub!Reader

Warnings: Marking/biting, brat reader, corruption kink, fingering

Authors Note: aaa I hope you like it! I had a lot of fun writing this one tbh, I really love Mayoi he's so jehe

18+ under cut

Having Mayoi dote on you sometimes became a little too much. He would follow you around, either in sight or in the ceiling and walls. He would leave you notes in areas you'd easily find them, either recommending a new way to do something or praising your work. Mayoi was also big on gift giving, leaving them at your office when you left for a moment, they were all something homemade too. A diorama or some sweets he'd made, you always appreciated them, they looked as if they took time.

You didn't know why he had taken this strange affinity towards you. Maybe it's because you produce for his group, other than that you see no reason on why he would. Not that you were complaining about his attention of course, it was nice to have one of the cute idols show attraction to you. You also knew Mayoi had a tendency to do strange activities like this, from what you've seen, him doing this means he wishes to protect you in his own little way. Shinobu Shingoku, Mayoi's cheiftian, got the same amount of attention from what you had heard, however he didn't leave him personal handwritten notes like yours.

However, you hadn't expected his attraction for you to actually be something genuine. So when he had managed to stutter out a confession, when you were working you accepted after a minute of shocked silence.

------------------------------------------------

A few months later when you working with Mayoi, you found yourself staring at his face. Or more accurately his lips and thinking about his teeth. Mayoi's teeth were sharp, longer than average and pointed at the ends, like a sharks. You had heard many people point them out, saying there abnormal, unusual, or weird. Mayoi would always shrink back when he heard those comments, walking the other way to get to a secret passage or vent he could use to walk in instead. You didn't think his teeth were weird, you found them quite interesting, cute even, Mayoi's smiles were always cute when he allowed them. You were wondering what they feel like biting into you, on your neck, chest, thighs, anywhere he could mark. Everyone would be able to tell who did it too, his teeth are so different it wouldn't be hard.

"Um, my love? Are you ok? Am I upsetting you by being here? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I can leave!" The phantom's eyes dart every which way, looking for a way to hurriedly escape if you did want him to leave. "No, Mayoi you're fine, I was just, ah, thinking of your teeth. And uh, how I want you to bite me." He looks startled, not many people compliment his teeth, he slowly walks from where he is closer to you, sitting on the bed beside you. His close proximity to you is almost too much, you hadn't expected him to move. "My teeth? But there so weird and unusual, something no pure being like yourself should want to be bitten by fufufu."

You could feel your skin starting to grow hot, Mayoi wasn't usually this bold, normally when you complimented him, he started denying it. Feeling the bed dip in as he slide closer, you looked away, not able to look him in the eyes. Where was this bold Mayoi coming from? Not that it was terrible, it was a welcome change, just unusual. Feeling a trembling hand come up and move your face towards him, forcing you to stare right into his eyes. You could tell he was still anxious even if he acted like he wasn't, the lust in his eyes doing nothing to hide the small tremors of fear that lay beneath.

Yet his lips still meet yours, there cracked and dry, not very soft but kissing him was always pleasant. The kiss ends abruptly, you wanted to protest but didn't want to seem too needy, the idea of teasing him was a thought in the back your mind, not that you had before. But you hadn't teased him with anything sexual yet, maybe today would change that. You focus back on Mayoi, a studying expression on his face, as if he expected you to whine out at the loss of the kiss. You weren't going to give him that satisfaction now since the thought of teasing him came to mind.

To your surpise his hands quickly grab you around the waist, man handling you to turn you around, pulling you closer to him. The phantom was just full of surprises today, his sudden boldness making you wetter than you'd like. It's the first time you and him had gotten this far, he would always start rapidly apologizing to you at this point any other time. Today would actually be the first time you and him did something sexual unless he stopped, the prospect causing your thighs to rub together.

That didn't go unnoticed by Mayoi, a hand moved from your waist down towards the waistband of your pants. Pulling the band back and letting it snap back on your skin, the feeling causing you to shift a little. "My angel, are you enjoying this? The expression you have on seems to indicate so, do you like having an unclean being like me touch you like this?" A gasp catches in your throat, if you weren't wet already you were now. But you wouldn't let him get away with teasing you like this. "No, you'll have to try harder than this, it's barely anything."

Mayoi only hums in response, his other hand sliding up your body until it reaches your neck. Pulling it to the side gently so he could have better access to your neck, his warm breath closer than before. The hand on your waistband runs up your body, slowly stopping to trace over your right nipple through your shirt. Once he feels you flinch at the sensation he starts nipping at your neck, using his hand on your nipple to start pinching at it, trying to get it to harden.

Having never done anything like this before you're incredibly sensitive, having to hold back whimpers. Mayoi stops focusing on your neck for a moment, wanting to see if he could get you to admit you liked it. "That felt good didn't it? I felt your body twitch." Shaking your head, a small "no" leaving your lips, god, you were failing miserably at trying to tease him, the new sensations he's giving you, causing you to go weak. "No? Then open up love."

His hand gives one final squeeze to your hard nipple before continuing up, his index and middle finger pushing against your lips. You comply much to his amusement, his head rests on your shoulder, watching himself as he slides his fingers into your mouth. You when always thought Mayoi's hands were pretty, they were long and slender and he was good with them, working on exquisite dioramas. You wondered if you'd finally get to learn just how good he could use them today.

His voice right beside your ear made you jump "Go on now, suck them, get them all nice and wet, you'll need too fufufu." You didn't comply, letting your jaw stay slack around them. You hear Mayoi let out a sigh, as he starts to press his fingers down on your tongue, causing you to gag. He immediately stops, and instead tries to gather as much spit that was in your mouth as he can on his fingers. A few moments pass, the feeling of him fucking his fingers into your mouth causing your jaw to hurt some.

A small hum of approval leaves him when he deems his fingers wet enough as he slides them out of your mouth, back down your chest towards your pants. "This is your first time doing something like this right? Oh how disgusting your first time experiencing this is with someone as lowly as me!" His hand slips under your pants the same moment he bites, hard, into your neck.

The feeling of his sharp teeth digging into your skin, conbined with the way he was slowly pushing in a finger causing a moan to rip out of you. You could feel Mayoi grin into your neck, no doubt overjoyed he finally got the reaction he wanted out of you. So long for how you wanted to tease him when on your first time you can't even manage it, falling victim to his touches. Mayoi let's go, kissing along your neck, biting into the spots you shiver at when he kisses over them. His finger trying to slowly work it's way into your tight hole. The feeling is a lot for your first time even if he was just using a single finger.

He crooks his finger up as his kisses trail across your neck to your back, biting into the skin there. Your noises rise in volume, not going unnoticed by Mayoi, "Do you like it now? You certainly seem like you are, the way your body just melts into my touch." Shaking your head no again, fearing whimpers and whines would fall out your mouth instead of words if you opened it.

"Really? Guess I'll just have to try harder then." The phantom slides his other finger in, meeting his other as he crooks them up, making a beckoning gesture inside you. His thumb reaches to press on your nub. The pleasure causing your back to arch deliciously and he takes the chance to go back to marking up your neck.

It doesn't take long for your orgasm to hit you, this being your first time making you all the more sensitive. Your eyes roll back as your hips jolt forward riding Mayoi's fingers. When you come down from your high, Mayoi's stopped nipping at your neck as he slides his fingers out of you. He brings his fingers covered in your juices up to his mouth as he licks them clean, a small nod of approval as he finishes.

"You have to admit you liked that, your body had the cutest reactions! And you don't have to worry about me, I already, um, finished." Your body is still somewhat shaky but you're able to speak out, "Yea, I enjoyed it, thank you Mayoi."

------------------------------------------------

The next day, as you stand in front of the mirror looking over your body, only your neck and back were marked up. The most noticeable parts too, they were hard to cover up. Yet you couldn't deny the small temor of delight at the fact anyone could see the marks and know that Mayoi left them there on you. After all, his teeth marks were easy to identify.

[ryuichirou]

Do you have any headcanons for modern Gregory and Herman?

I actually do, Anon~ I didn’t think I did, but when I start imagining these two in a modern setting, it’s just so… easy. I would watch a gay movie about them. Well, let’s be honest, I would watch it even if it was in their original Victorian setting, it would’ve been dope lol

Gahh I love Gregory and Herman so much, thank you for your ask! I am happy for an opportunity to talk about them again…

Alright, modern!GreenViolets.

The boys of P4 have a chat, but Gregory barely writes anything there, he mostly watches the other three bicker with each other. So everyone always assume that he doesn’t even read it. But when Herman texts Gregory directly, he always reads his messages in seconds. He is also more likely to reply to him, but he usually just sends stickers instead of typing… he has such a huge collection of stickers.

Another collection that Violet has on his phone is tons of pictures and videos of Herman, mostly from his training practices. He rationalised it as simply using available tools to study anatomy and muscles specifically, but sometimes he just… stares at his body.

When Greenhill calls Violet, he always facetimes him for some reason. Sometimes he facetimes him when he’s washing his face in the morning, sometimes he facetimes him when he’s studying, sometimes he does it after the training, all wet and panting. Violet never turns his own camera on, and it’s for the best, because the latter thing gets him very red.

Greenhill shows Violet’s drawings and art-pieces to everyone he meets. It’s a very Greenhill thing to do: he just pulls out his phone, opens Violet’s portfolio and proudly shows it to everyone, LOUDLY DEMANDING that they appreciate it. He doesn’t get art at all, but he really wants to support Violet. Violet cringes at it and thinks that he’s just scaring people into complimenting him…

Greenhill already has his driving license, and he’s the only P4 boy who does, so whenever they’re in the mood to drive around by themselves instead of using personal drivers (those rich kids…), Greenhill is happy to be the one behind the wheel! And yes, Violet uses his car more often than the other two, and he never really gave an explanation. Sometimes he just has to buy art supplies, and it’s Greenhill who just has to drive him there and wait for him to get what he needs. In actuality, Violet just really enjoys when Greenhill drives him around… he won’t talk to him at all, maybe even kick the driver seat from behind, but he really loves it.

One time Greenhill bought himself a hoodie and even wore it a couple of times, but ultimately decided that it doesn’t suit him: he doesn’t really like long sleeves and baggy clothes. So he gave it to someone who wears hoodies all the time – Violet! And while Violet grumbled something about getting hand-me-downs, this is actually his favourite hoodie now. He drowns in it because it’s so big…

Greenhill watches porn. He doesn’t think it’s a good thing, he certainly thinks that he shouldn’t do it, but he just can’t stop: he is way too horny. Violet actually saw him watching it on his phone once, and it was super awkward for both of them, with Greenhill yelling something in panic and Violet being too shocked to react in any way other than some snarky comment. He was very happy to learn Greenhill’s dirty secret though.

If they’re dating, they’re having sex in Greenhill’s car. That’s a given, but still, sometimes this is the place Violet feels the safest in… or the kinkiest, it’s hard to tell, but there is something insanely hot about Greenhill getting inpatient, pulling over, crawling back on the passenger’s seat and aggressively kissing and undressing him.

Violet watches a lot of arthouse and indie movies, and sometimes he tricks Greenhill into watching them together. He finds it amusing that Greenhill is trying very hard to understand what he’s looking at, and trying even harder to enjoy the movie: he thinks that Violet likes every single movie that he shows him and wants to be supportive. The fact is, Violet hates the majority of these and thinks that it’s just a pile of pretentious garbage, but torturing Greenhill with it? Now this is art.

One time Violet has gathered enough courage to suck Greenhill off, and it happened while they were watching some pretentious indie movie. To hide his embarrassment, he demanded that Greenhill keeps watching it and tells him what’s going on. Greenhill really tried to do it, but still couldn’t stop staring down at Violet… it’s not like he could hear the movie because of all the wet sucking sounds anyway.

[nukenai]

So I love chatting with vendors at cons, especially TFCon. They're always Cool Dudes in their 40s/50s who have been collecting Transformers since the dawn of time and they like meeting fellow weirdos, especially younger people. Especially absolute freaks like me who run up dressed like Rodimus while wearing booty shorts.

I was at this one booth and I was looking for a specific figure so I asked if he thought he had it - he said maybe, so I started to look. I shuffled through my purse and vaguely held up my Drift figure, and said "it's for him", like haha joke. (Looking for Jetstorm)

He instantly made a confused face and said, "I don't recognize that Drift". And I said oh, he's the regular American deluxe release, I just repainted him. He asked very politely if he could see him. GOD HERE WE GO

I've had lots of people go "Wow that's really cool! Great job!" about my repaints and custom stuff and I appreciate the comments so much. I don't have much confidence in anything I do, but I am very passionate about when I do custom stuff to toys or Gunpla.

THIS MAN. He was legitimately stunned. He told me my Drift repaint was amazing, and the detail work was incredible. I very shyly thanked him and said I customized my little Fixit, too, and he went NUTS WHEN HE HELD HIM. Then he literally CALLED HIS FRIEND OVER and said "Hey man, come here! You have to see this Fixit she painted!"

The three dudes at the table were legitimately gawking at my, I thought "pretty good, but took a lot of time because I'm obsessed so there's A Lot" repaints. Fixit in particular he was VERY impressed by, because I had filled in the indent in his chest. To be fair that was a nightmare but like omg? And he REALLY loved that I added the blue details to the wheels, and was impressed by my straight lines. I mentioned I totally disassembled Drift, painted the pieces individually, and put him back together, and the guy looked like I'd just shot him LMFAO. HE'S A VERY SIMPLE FIGURE IT'S NOT SUPER DIFFICULT...

So then he asked me the most insane question I've ever been asked in my life:

"Do you have a business card? Do you do this professionally, like as a paid job?"

UHHHHH EXCUSE ME SIR I JUST ADDED DETAILS TO MY ORANGE HUSBANDS AND MADE ONE OF THEM THE CORRECT(TM) ORANGE... HELLO...??????????

So I told him no. He asked if I had a website where I posted them, or social media. I mentioned how I started using my Instagram for that stuff but got lazy and forgot and I just share reels all day. The guy insisted I take HIS business card, in case I was ever looking for parts, or things to customize... He really wanted a place to go see more of my work, and I was very sorry to tell him that I am not actually someone who really knows what I'm doing... but I didn't totally deflect the compliments. I was so unbelievably thankful and told him that no one had EVER reacted this way to my work before. (even saying "my work" is bizarre like it's just a thing I do... it's not My Thing...)

He joked about wanting me to paint some of his minis, LOL, and I said a lot of my friends do that but that's kinda beyond my scope. I started when I was disappointed with a lack of details in some of my figures, like my TMNT 2012 Metalhead, but then I was like. I can add some black on his shell. I can fix him up... and it kinda spiraled. My second significant custom was turning my Stegosaurus Chase figure show-accurate. You can tell it's an early one bc it's ROUGH and I almost wanna get another one to redo and compare...

Buuuut anyways. He was legitimately having customers look at my stuff and one guy wanted to show his wife. I was deeply confused but extremely flattered.

Then a 20 year old kid I had talked to about RiD earlier found a Drift I didn't have (the one that fucking launches his children across the room), and I laughed and said I'd take it. Table guy said "For you it's half price, 5 bucks!"

Then he gave me a Rodimus Robot Heroes for free. And one of those old blind bag figures of Drift for a dollar.

This was one of like 20 amazing interactions I had just in the dealer room. I wound up buying THREE NEW DRIFT FIGURES because I am EXTREMELY NORMAL AND COOL ABOUT HIM

I mentioned this in an earlier post but it got to the point where I rounded a corner and a random fucking guy ran over to me, brandishing a Drift figure, and called out "ARE YOU THE PERSON LOOKING FOR RID DRIFT?" and I was like OH MY GOD?? I HAVE THAT ONE BUT THANK YOU??? WHAT??? and he was like OKAY I HAD TO MAKE SURE! and ran away and I never saw him again. I have no idea who that guy was. He was not working a table he was shopping.

But I am The Rodimus Woman Looking For RiD Drift, For Some Reason now, I guess.

What a fucking con

it's 2am goodnight

[prince-liest]

I'm the anon from earlier and I just wanted to say sorry about how I worded that. I'm not very good at tone and stuff through text *normally* and I'm especially not good at it at five in the morning when I should have been in bed hours ago. Now that I'm looking at it after sleeping I can totally see how it would come off as insulting in the process of complimenting. Not an excuse because I definitely know better than to send messages when I'm that tired and I did it anyway. So, yeah, really sorry about that.

When I wrote the other message I was leaning more towards "my own personal hangups make it difficult to read this stuff usually and I was surprised that they didn't get in the way of enjoying this thing that I knew I'd probably like" than "I was surprised that this fic could possibly be good considering its horrible, deviant subject matter" but what I *intended* to say doesn't really matter as much as how I *actually* said it.

Anyway, you don't actually have to answer this (not that you really have to answer anything at all considering it's your blog), but I just didn't feel right about the idea that I'd accidentally made you feel bad about writing something that you enjoy.

Hey there, please don't worry about it! Like I said, I totally understand the general idea and intent of the message and I've absolutely been in that position before of enjoying something that isn't normally my bag and wanting to express that feeling to the creator. And I do really appreciate that there are so many people out there that specifically take a chance on stuff because they think they'll enjoy my take on it - it's very flattering and I'm very happy when I do manage to create something that folks enjoy when they don't normally go looking for it!

Anyway, I appreciate the intent of the original message and I also appreciate that you popped back in to clarify! A large part of the reason that I said something isn't even your message specifically, but that I've gotten a lot of similar messages on this fic and others in the past, to the point where there are a couple of comments on other fics I've outright deleted because I know folks read my comments for my meta replies sometimes and didn't want other people to stumble upon them and feel bad or judged. It was just overall getting to the point where I wanted to say something in general in addition to in response to one comment in particular, because I think most people are absolutely in your boat of intent, but it can sometimes be hard to tell apart from the few people who do feel comfortable actually saying, "[...] considering its horrible, deviant subject matter," etc, etc.

Overall, it's my genuine hope that you don't leave this situation feeling bad! I am indeed very happy that you enjoyed the fic!

[divergent-paths]

I just went on DA to find you (and read all the lato league stuff, younger Alex was a really cute kid) and I was wondering, is there more stuff about Alex than just the lato league comics? It felt like the last one had a lot of references to things I didn't know so I'm curious. Is there maybe a story about how he got the scar? Or will it come up later? (In that case I'm not asking for spoilers btw)(I'm just really curious, the lato league stuff was fun) (wait is Alex in someone else's lato league stuff too then? Gtg check, bye)

Alex doesn't like answering questions about the scar, so have a cameo from Franz & Fubuki (Gramps & Aunt Fuu as Alex usually refers to them), who still seem to feel guilty about it years later lmao

It's another long ramble for this ask, so it's all below the cut~ The tldr is that there is more stuff I've done/drawn, but it's focused on the adults related to Alex, rather than on him directly. The one other story he was witness to (Frostsmitten) is incomplete because of a 1-2 punch depression-burnout combo, but I am looking to work more on it again this year finally.

As for prior stories, Alex is young enough that he's only been the star of one adventure, which was Lato, but there's a number of adults in his life who have been through many crazy shenanigans and he was brought along for grampa's crazy new year's romance in the snow (Frostsmitten), and the planned follow-up (FS2: Freezer Burn). But! While I am currently teasing about old references and such, anything in Divergent Paths that becomes necessary info *will* be explained when the time is right for the story. I like to tease things out to allow people to theorise on the story as they read, but I know eventually you've gotta' come out with a straight answer and that's best done when it finally means something to the characters. So we'll get there!

As for reading the story I mentioned above, well, haaaahhh... It's a tale as old as time. Depression+Burnout destroyed me, and last year (2023) was really the first time in years that I felt any semblance of my old energy, and it's still in process of working back up to those old levels. Frostsmitten (link here) is about 80% done/uploaded, and Freezer Burn has its concepts and timeline done, but no pages drafted yet.

So where does that leave us nowadays... Well, last year I was actually touching the old pages that remained to be finished and chipping away at them when the mood struck me, and I think I'm up to moving along that story this year between posts here on the tumbles. Definitely no schedule though, absolutely no promises, certainly no guarantees. I only end up embarrassing myself and disappointing people when I say 'it'll be out on xx date!' :'D

Anyways, I've rambled on long enough I think :'D Thank you for the interest in my other works, I really do appreciate it. It's not an exaggeration to say that everyone's comments, compliments and excitement is giving me life here. <3

[sunnyie-eve]

4 | Confess

Series: Significant

Paring: Colby Brock x Original female character

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1.9k

| MASTERLIST |

~

It's been a few weeks since Penelope moved in and she and Darwin were officially dating and of course, Colby still didn't trust him deep down. He just had the gut feeling saying that Darwin would fuck us at some point. But Colby supported her and her decision not wanting to piss her off or overstep his boundaries.

"Pen, we're gonna film a tour of our apartment. Do you wanna be apart along with your room?" Sam walks into her room.

"Sure. I mean, I am a part of your apartment so." She giggles.

"Great. When we knock on the door you can let us in." Sam rushes out of her room so she follows him.

As they start she waits for them to knock so she just stands on the other side of the door. When there was a knock she opened it putting on a little act, "Umm can I help you guys?"

"Umm, this is our apartment." Colby awkwardly laughs.

"Yeah, how did you get in there?" Sam adds playing along.

"I think you're lost because this is my apartment." She goes to close the door starting to laugh, "No, come on in. Welcome." She opens it for them to come in.

"No, she is technically right. Penny lives with us. She pays bills and helps with food. She just moved in last week." Sam tells the camera.

"Yeah, we're happy to have our third half back. She was in Germany working." Colby adds, "Now, first we gotta take off about shoes. Because we're classy people like that." Colby takes his shoes off. "Let's show the people at home our nice fridge."

"I mean it's nice but not much in it yet." Penny says so Sam pans to her, "I get paid soon so I'll buy groceries for the three of us." She laughs as they show all that's in it.

Penny's phone starts to go off in her room so she rushes to her room to mute it since it was an unknown number. As she came out they were showing the bathroom.

"I've never had to share a bathroom with boys until now." Penny says entering the bathroom. "I just had to with an older sister. My little brother was a baby so." She laughs.

"Let's show them where the magic happens." Colby heads to his room. "It is actually so dark in here because this curtain is a black-out curtain. And we can not figure out how to hang it up yet. We've been working really hard." Colby says as Penelope sits in his bed.

"I said give me a try and I'll probably get it done." She adds so he mocks her.

"This place didn't come with curtains, okay." Sam adds. He takes the camera while Colby lies on his bed behind Penny, "Why is everything so black man?" Sam asks.

"Because it matches my/his soul." Colby and Penny say at the same time so they all start to laugh.

"You know my soul so well, Penny." Colby pulls her back to lie down.

"Course I do. I've known you since we were one." She gets up.

"But look at this closet. I worked hard on this so I need a lot of compliments in the comment section." Colby shows it.

"Wow!" Sam and Penny we shocked to see he cleaned it.

"Last time I saw this you could not see the ground." Sam adds.

"I know. So my room is next." Penny leads the way. "When I first landed here the guys surprised me with my room saying I could live with them, which I appreciated. I've made my room more homey in the past week so..." She opens her door.

"Yeah, we did our best till she could add more stuff she likes." Sam adds while Colby jumps onto her bed.

"It's not much. It's the smallest room which I don't have a problem with at all. I don't have a window like the guys so I have the darkest room so I love that." Penny tells the camera then sees Colby looking at her phone. "Brock, stop it." She snatches it out of his hand.

"I was just nosey." He laughs.

"Yeah, so guys just know Colby is super nosey and is always up in your business and is basically a shadow parent." She adds to tell fans. "Sam on the other hand, great." She laughs so Colby gets up to shove her into her bed.

"Okay, onto Sam's room. She's not important. This is Sam and Colby. Not Sam, Colby, and Penelope." Colby jokes leaving the room with Sam.

Penelope checked her phone every to see the unknown number texted her as well and it was her ex, Tyson. She groans texting him to leave her alone before tossing her phone in her bed to go back to join the guys.

She hears that they were done and automatically Colby could see her mood was totally different, "What happened? Darwin didn't do anything right?" He asks worried.

"No, Tyson called and texted me. I told him to leave me alone." She plops down onto the couch.

"How did he even get your number? It's new." Sam asks putting the camera on the desk.

"Who knows. I don't care, I'll just block him." She shrugs.

"Later do you want to do a video? Fans want like a truth or drink video but instead, Confuse or Dip with you." Colby asks Penny.

"Why do they want me?"

"You're our best friend and always around. They want to get to know you." He tells her.

"Sure, I wanna take a nap first since my head is hurting. See you guys in a few hours." She goes to her room.

"You didn't tell her the dip is with Mustard." Sam laughs.

"I want it to be a surprise for the video. Her reaction will be golden." He chuckles.

When Penny wakes up from her two-hour nap she sees that the guys had the camera set up for the video they want her to do for their fans.

"When did you set up?" She asks then.

"Like 30 minutes ago." Sam tells her so she takes a seat on the couch with Colby.

"You ready?" He asks her excitedly.

"I guess so." She tells him so Sam starts it and takes a seat on the other side of Penny.

"What's up, guys. It's Sam and Colby, and we're here with our best friend Penelope." Colby starts off the video.

"Today we are having Penny play truth or drink but since we can't legally buy alcohol... she's playing confessions or dip." Sam adds.

"If she doesn't want to confess... she has to dip her finger into a little bowl of mustard to eat." Colby smiles at her.

"What?!" She looks at him, "That's not fair."

"Just confess then." He jumps up to get the little bowl for her.

"I'm gonna throw up but by the smell and thought." She hides her face in Sam's shoulder.

"Again, just confess." Colby laughs and they start.

"First question, Penny. What were your first thoughts about the boys?" Sam reads from his phone.

"Well, I can't say first thought about Colby because I've known him since I was one and I have no memories. But thinking back the furthest I can remember, he was just a funny caring boy who I thought of as my best friend. Now for Sam, it was during middle so I completely remember thinking that Sam was the nicest guy ever. I didn't know him very well but he was someone you could trust." She answers the question.

"Have you ever slept in the same bed as Sam or Colby?" Colby reads chuckling.

"Yeah, but never in a way most would think. As I said I've known Colby since I was one and he was two so we've had sleepovers."

"Many sleepovers and she's annoying to share a bed with." Colby adds.

"No, she's not." Sam looks at him, "She's always down to cuddle and hardly flips around. So she's the best person to share a bed with. And if she doesn't want to cuddle she stays on her side of the bed the whole night."

"Well, apparently you're special." Colby rolls his eyes.

"How many guys have you kissed?" Sam asks her.

"Four. Just four." She smiles.

"Four?" Colby tilts his head looking at her, "I thought it was only two?"

"Tyson, Darwin..."

"You and Darwin had y'all's first kiss already and didn't tell us? Congratulations." Sam shakes her by her shoulders.

"Okay, with Darwin that makes three. Who's fourth?" Colby asks lost.

"Who is fourth?" Sam asks lost as well.

"I really don't want to dip..." Penelope whines, "Okay, Colby. Third to you is Sam. And to you, Colby is third. To explain, Colby and I were three and four. There's a picture our parents have of us. Sam and I were for a play in our history class. The script said we kissed so we practiced but the teacher ended up just making us hug." She sets it clear.

"Oh, we're getting harder questions." Colby sees the next one, "How was your first time?" He looks at her knowing she was still virgin.

Penelope looks at him then throws her head back then looks back at the camera, "I was taken care of. He did everything to make sure I was comfortable." She tells the truth.

"What?!" Colby screams, "You said you were a virgin still? Was it really with Tyson?"

"No..." She messes with her fingers.

"You guys have only been dating for a week." Colby becomes a parent.

"True but we've had a thing for each other for seven months so." She tells him.

"Stop parenting her, Colby." Sam gives him a look, "Okay next question. Embarrassing Sex dream?"

Penelope looks at the bowl of mustard and picks it up bringing it closer to her, "Are you seriously going to dip?" Colby laughs.

"I can't!" She whines looking at it.

"Then tells everyone." Sam laughs now.

"No..." She whines more, "I physically can't do this." She puts the bowl down to shake her fists turning her head to the side.

"You have to since you won't confess." Sam tells her making her lean back.

While she was having a moment, Colby dipped his finger in the mustard to force her to do it. She had her eyes closed and said no over and over, so Colby stuck his finger in her mouth causing her to scream.

"Water!" She shouts so Sam gives her a bottle as she does little gags sticking her tongue out, "Oh, I hate that." She drinks, " And you put your finger in my mouth." She shoves Colby.

"You said yourself you couldn't physically do it so I helped you." He rubs her back.

"I hate you for that." She shakes her head.

"Well, we hope you liked the video. I'm sure Penelope quits now." Sam laughs as she gets up to go use mouthwash.

Finishing up in the bathroom, Colby stands in the doorway, "Why didn't you tell me about you and Darwin? We tell each other everything."

"Yeah, but do you really need to know I lost my v card to him?" She walks to her room.

"I told you when I lost mine." He follows her.

"Yeah, and I didn't ask you to tell me so." She huffs, "Colby, you don't need to know everything that goes on in my life. If it's important, I'll tell you."

[groupiewhoreee]

(just realized dave's face in that gif, omg)

Jealousy, Jealousy, Jealousy

Warnings: Smut, literally smut. I'd preview the story before actually reading it. 18+ ONLY (MINORS DNI. Obviously I can't like stop you literally, but minors i wouldn't suggest opening this!)

Plot/Summary: Dave was out at the bar with you and Metallica in 1981, and Dave catches you and Lars getting a bit flirty and chatty, and Dave is jealous.

-------------------------------------

It was a late night out, the moon was set in a crescent way, while it shined brightly down on the streets. It was 1981, and a new band that just formed, Metallica. And your boyfriend since high-school happened to be in it. You went to all their gigs, and shows. It was pretty cool. The way Dave played his guitar and put a lot a effort into his skills made you smile. You loved how efficient and somewhat confident he was to be in Metallica. You thought his band-mates were pretty cool too. Lars and you had a nice relationship. Dave didn't really appreciate it though, he didn't say anything directly to you, due to the fact he didn't want you to leave him and get to think that he's controlling your friendships, which— he isn't.

"Cmon, hurry up to the bar!" Lars whined. "Oh come on Lars, chill. James can only go so fast. Theres a speed limit y'know, and cops around. I don't think he wants to pay a ticket." You said to Lars, chuckling slightly. "Yeah, I don't. And if I do get one, Lars your paying for it." James said, in a sarcastic tone which you didn't think he was actually joking. "Dude, my parents won't lend me the money for that anymore." Lars explained. "Maybe sell all that Danish porn you got then. If I were you, I would sell it. All you Danish people would buy it. Especially the chicks." James said to Lars. "Enough talking about Danish Porn, I don't really want to hear about that and your weird fantasies, Lars. Because we know you have them." Cliff rolled his eyes and kicked Lars seat behind him. "Yeah, me Neither. Its kind of weird. You have legit stacks. I could never." Dave agreed with Cliff.

"Alright shut up bums, we're here." James laughed, getting out of the car. The other boys got out of the car, as well as you, your tight shorts trapping your plump ass. Dave walked behind you, having a smirk across his lips and grabbing your waist from behind and whispering sweet nothingness in your ear. "Oh come on, not here love birds." Cliff joked. Dave frowned. "Oh whatever, I thought you were cool, Cliff." Dave sarcastically said. "I am, just not when it comes to you trying to start shit in public." Cliff rolled his eyes once more like he did before. Dave's curly, orange, ginger locks fell in front of his face, his eyes somewhat visible but not really. You all walked into the bar. "Hey, its Metallica!" Some dude called. "Whoa, sick." The man agreed. "We aren't signing anything right now so don't ask." Lars would say, almost annoyed by the fact.

You guys took a seat at one of the booths in the bar. You sat with Dave and across from Lars. James sat next to Lars, while Cliff was next to Dave. It was a tight squeeze but you all managed. Dave gripped your thigh. "Hey, Y/N. I was gonna say, your outfit looks really nice." Lars commented. "Oh, thanks Lars. Your outfit is pretty nice too. Its sick." You complimented back. "Thanks." Lars said, you nodding in as a 'Your Welcome.' Dave eyed you, giving a frown. You all took sips from ur beer. "So when are we gonna make our first album. I mean, we have the songs. Right?" James explained. "I agree. We can't just keep playing gigs around these trashy bars." Cliff would say. "I don't know. It'll cost us some money. Unless one of you have it?" Lars asked. "I don't think I do. Look, I live in an apartment. Not even." Dave explained. "We know, we've seen it. Y/N's pretty panties were everywhere." Lars laughed, causing you to giggle and blush slightly, obviously Dave noticing. He gripped ur thigh even more in frustration.

"So, Y/N. What color are your panties now?" Lars sarcastically said, joking around. You just laughed. Dave was getting a bit more mad. James laughed while Cliff seemed uneasy. "Y'know, I think me and Y/N will be right back." Dave grabbed your wrist leading you out of the bar. Lars, James, and Cliff all looked at each-other, They had an Idea. Dave led you to an alleyway. It was dark, piled with things. Almost like a silly fort. So nobody could see you but they could hear you. Dave pushed and pinned you to the wall. You struggled, squirming and looking away from Mustaine. "Fucking look at me you dumb slut." Dave said to you, grabbing your cheeks and forming it into a small pout, making you look at him. "You really gonna let someone talk to you like that like your theirs? Whore. You're mine, only mine. Do you need to be reminded of that, stupid bitch in heat." He snarled in your ear, spitting in ur face. Your poor face scrunched up. "Come on, answer me. I wanna hear ya." Dave slapped your face lightly. "Yes sir, I need to be reminded.. Punish me." You just said in response. "That's what I like to hear, good girl." He praised.

"Those tight ass shorts. Only wore those because you knew it'd kick a dumb kick outta me. You little slut in heat. Mutt." Dave growled in your ear, now ripping the shorts off, tossing the belt somewhere and the shorts around the pile of trash. He would tear your soaked panties off. "Aww, so wet for daddy, huh?" Dave whined, joking around with you. You nodded, gulping, Dave turned you around against the wall. Mustaine's pants and boxers fell to his ankles. "This is what you wanted, right? What a slutty ass bitch." Dave muttered in your ear, now slamming into you. He pounded into you at a rough speed. Tears streamed down your cheeks minutes later. "Mmh, Dave.. please—" You whimpered, moans escaped your mouth. "Be fucking quiet, jesus." He said in ur ear, covering your mouth. Now he made you suck his middle and ring finger. He used his other hand and tugged at your hair, pulling at it.

Dave just grunted, make soft, short groans in pleasure. He kept going before he became more sloppy. "Fuck, your so hot." Dave whispered in your ear, "Dave I- I'm gonna.." you whimpered, before you came all over Dave's dick. "Just take it a little longer, okay babe? Just wait for me." Dave said to you, now still going, before he pulled out and came on ur ass. "Your mine." Dave went to make marks all over you. "Now go back into the bar and don't say a fucking thing you damn whore." Dave put his pants on and boxers, while he gave you your shit. You followed him, Lars, James, and Cliff all looking at you, "Damn, what happened? Looks like a crime scene planted onto your neck and shoulder." James asked. "Nothing." You muttered. "Okay. Well we're gonna leave in a little bit." Lars would say. "Yeah. Also why were you two so loud?" Cliff asked, smirking. "Yeah. Y/N you were a whiney mess." Lars murmured. "Mhm." James agreed. Dave just rolled his eyes. "Lets go, guys." Mustaine said, now getting up and leaving with the guys and you.

After that, you and Dave went home and you fell asleep with Dave on your crusty bed.

[12romy]

Thanks @sebchal for tagging me!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Oof. 57, damn that's a lot, what am I doing with my life?? 53 of them in F1 (I know it says 52 but one of them is on anon lmao)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

GUYS I JUST COUNTED AND APPARENTLY I'VE PUBLISHED AROUND 477K FOR THE F1 FANDOM??!!??! SEND HELP (there's another 100k in my wips rn)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

F1rpf, although I have a fic for The Sandman and one for Our Flag Means Death (let's forget about my works for spn lol)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

So the first one is Odd ducks, the fic I wrote for The Sandman, which is pretty normal since the fandom is bigger. After that, only F1, with Let's try something else (sewis fake dating feat Seb and gay panic), A Change of Habits (my lonnnnnnng chewis fic following the 2022 season), Your Crush is Showing (Brocedes, the first long fic I completed. Lots of smut.) and finally, Remember to forget (me), brocedes lewis!amnesia fic. I am very proud of the last one, mostly because it's super angsty and I torture Nico so much in it lmao

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do, actually, but usually I procrastinate on it, and I took ages. It's just, like, I feel it important to thank everyone for the comments, but it can feel a little repetitive and so I just tend to... Push it back to the next day, again and again. When it's on a multi-chapter fic, I reply before publishing the new chapter usually, but if it's a one-shot or the last chapter... Well. You'll get an answer but god knows when ahah

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oof, that's between Losing it all, a really dark fic about Nico, and Too Late, a bad ending 3344 fic based on Monza 2021 :)

(be careful about the tags if you go and read them btw)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Damn, that's a difficult question, I love writting sappy endings... But actually I think it's the ending of Welcome in the family!

It's a cute fic about Kimi/Tonio/Minttu, and the ending is definitely what I consider one of the happiest, mostly because of a little time-jump that allows to see the future ^^

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I did once, actually, on the 3344 fic I mentionned earlier. I think the person was just a max fan and didn't appreciate the way I make him suffer... I had put the write tags and all, so idk why they clicked on it. Anyway, it was scary and upsetting and I'm glad it only happened once ^^"

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Hell yeah. Go have a look, honestly, there's no way I can summarise it. I write way too much of it, I think (and most of it hasn't been published yet I think)

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Nope, but I should, it could be fun! Actually, I'd like to write a Lewis/Lil Nas X one day, so who knows. That's not at the top of my list, though.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I... Don't know, actually? How do you even check that? I hope not ahah ^^"

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! Someone offered to translate one of my fic in Chinese!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I DID, The Prince and the Knight, with my wonderful @feuerspirit !!!!!! And I don't want to spoil, but me and @metheevilgenius miiiiight publish a little os at some point ;)

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Oh, such a hard question... I'll go with brocedes, but it's really mean to make me chose only one. They're just.... *siiiigh*

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Definitely this BDSM seb/charles/mick and lewis/pierre I have started. I didn't publish it and it's like 20k long but I'm completely stuck and haven't worked on it in a long time. Not totally happy with it either ^^"

16. What are your writing strengths?

Uh, good question? I don't know, I get compliments about the characterisation... But other than that, I like to think I have a pretty good sense of humour and I'm able to make people laugh (or like, I hope. I make myself laugh, which is a good begining)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

The fucking dialogues.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I like to use petnames in other languages cause petnames always feel more personnal when you use it in your own language. So with the F1 drivers, it's nice cause not all of them are english! I tend to put some German or some French sometimes in my fics for full sentences, but I try not to do it too much. If you don't understand the language, it can be very frustrating.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Time to dig up my old ff.net account lmao

Nah, actually, I remember very well of my first fic. I was 15, it was two pages long, I was feeling bad about writing a fic in the first place although it didn't involve any romance. I deleted it a few hours after posting it, ahah. It was for the fandom of a french youtube show called Aventures. It's like, people playing a dnd style game, it's pretty cool and I was really into it for a long time.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

The fic I love the most of is definitely Up or Down. It's one of my favourite fic I've wrote. It's one of my early work, so it's a little clumsy and far from perfect, but I have good memories of myself writing it. I was in vacation in Rome at the time, alone, and I spent my time wandering in the city and thinking about my fic, it was amazing. And well, the content of the fic is also nice I guess XDDD

-

noooo idea who did this thing, and who didn't, so ignore if you've already done it or don't want to! I tag @feuerspirit @n-ico-ando @sunshinesebby @sionisjaune

[ruggiethethuggie]

What do the boys do when they help volunteer at my work

Ft: Heartslabyul, Savanaclaw, Octavinelle, Scarabia *notes: I work for a nonprofit organization where the main building is a shelter that does intakes and adoptions and where the other building is used as a spay/neuter clinic (which is where I am at). Also, this is semi-proofread (thank you my bby girl coworker). **tw: surgery (nothing is explicitly described, but it is referenced) © please do not copy and or repost my work as your own, my brain is massive and these are my thoughts.

Riddle:

Probably comes in and immediately comments on how it smells like “animal”

I get vibes that he doesn’t care to be around the dogs that much

Honestly maybe not the cats either

I do think he would want to see the rats at the clinic (emphasis on SEE)

I think at first he would think they are cool but if one peed on him

Rat has no more head, ya know?? (Figuratively)

Would easily come and defend our front desk staff if he hears someone being a Karen

Ultimately going to wash his hands or use germ x every 5 minutes even if he doesn’t touch something 

I think he would enjoy walking around and micromanaging the staff

Or maybe he would be good at managing other volunteers

Trey:

Brings treats for the animals

They were all handmade by him

He probably tries to befriend the mean animals

To no one's surprise, he is their favorite person

He probably brings snacks for the staff as well

Will continue to ask us what he can do to help

Washes all the dishes in minutes and then reorganizes our food pantry

Is very helpful with paw pantry (he is charming and talks to the people easily)

Does not care to see the surgical side of the job and doesn’t step foot into clinic

He would help with intakes or adoptions if asked to

Cater:

Super sweet to all staff and volunteers

Likes to sit in the cat room and take photos of cats

Jokes that he will start coming to do photo sessions of the animals to get them adopted

Likes to post photos or videos on Instagram for us

Spends a lot of time laughing and looking at his phone instead of actual volunteer work

Compliments the staff and tell us how much he appreciates us and what we do

Enjoys having conversations with the animals, sometimes baby talks with the dogs

Likes to cuddle the puppies and take selfies with them

Any puppy or kitten posted to his personal account is adopted the same day, sometimes within the hour

Ace:

Never signs in when he volunteers, has to be reminded to every time

Refuses to do “kennel work” as a volunteer

Is adamant he can help with surgical assistance 

Honestly he isn’t terrible at the job

He knows how to hold the animals well and he makes jokes the whole morning

He is actually queasy the whole time he volunteers

He passes out trying to force himself to watch a surgery (like who are you trying to impress)

Is sent to the break room to open syringe packages for us

Opens a box and then comes to watch us for a few minutes before being sent back lol

Befriends the asshole clinic cat, May Belle

He and May Belle wreak havoc at the clinic

He talks a lot when he does the recovery area 

Probably is like me and likes to hide and scare the clinic staff and volunteers for funsies

Deuce:

Is willing to help wherever he is needed

Really good with helping clients with paperwork if you go over it thoroughly with him first

Does well at damage control with upset clients

Does not mind helping and doing “kennel work” unlike Ace

Will get attached to an animal the first day he volunteers

Found in his favorite dog’s run on break time

Tries to share his sandwiches with the dogs because he wants them to have something special

Keeps asking his mom to let him adopt, she hasn’t said yes yet

Helps front desk staff a lot

Is one of the first to offer help unloading the vans full of bags of food and cat litter

Is very humble when he gets complimented on how helpful he is

Leona:

Cat volunteer connoisseur

Literally the gatekeeper to cat adoptions

You better be worthy of taking one of his felines home or don’t even bother with an application 

He only approves the best of the best

His opinion holds no actual weight when it comes to decisions since he’s a volunteer 

HOWEVER, there are so many “misplaced” cat adoption applications that he has received 

He doesn’t actually clean the cat room when he volunteers but he does socialize the cats well

He spends a lot of his time worrying about sick kittens

He is always chatting with the shelter director on what more he can do to provide for their care

Any treatments he needs to pay for? Expensive medicines?

You name it and he will buy it for those babies

Ruggie:

Always brings the staff donuts from the local donut shop

Runs between shelter volunteering and clinic assisting 

Spends his morning translating to the clinic patients what is going to happen during surgery and recovery (like actually talking to the animals)

Usually calms down the crazy wild patients for us or the ones that are really scared

Likes to negotiate with supply reps so I don’t have to because he knows I have anxiety

Always offers to help carry packages for the UPS or FedEx drivers

Will offer helping Trey with paw pantry if he sees him outside with a client

Between he and Trey, people try to come by multiple times a day just to talk to them

Works well with the animals at the shelter

He likes getting them new toys every day and watching them play

He would rather help staff clean than walk the animals

He enjoys spending time with the animals, but knows he does well at cleaning so his help makes it go by faster

Jack:

Forgets to sign in because as soon as he arrives he is already finding things to do

Helps at surgery center instead of shelter

He is really good at dog handling for getting patients ready for surgery

Stays on top of laundry at the clinic as well, it’s like he hears the signal before we do sometimes

Has staff do a few stretches before we start surgery so we can “stay limber and flexible”

Is the one who carries the large patients to and from recovery

If he sees you carrying something and you’re struggling, he just takes it from you without saying anything

Lectures me about drinking water more and taking my ADHD meds because my brain is always scattered

Is the one we send to stand outside the door if people are acting crazy cause he looks like scary guard dog

Azul:

Volunteer? No

He actually helps our exec director a lot

He’s really good at overseeing projects and creating plans for the future

He assists more with event planning and acquiring donations for silent auctions

How he acquires the extravagant things he does is a mystery to some..

When he’s not helping the exec director with event stuff, he’s helping at the shelter

He likes working with the cats more because it isn’t as laborious as cleaning after the dogs

He and Leona talk a lot about plans on how to revamp the cat room

Leona knows his voice holds no weight here but maybe a small contract with Azul will get his ideas to the director

He also likes to bring snacks from the lounge occasionally 

You’ll find him sipping on his drink in the break room if he has time

Jade:

Not necessarily “normal” volunteer work for us, but I feel like he would be the one in charge of yard work

I think he would make sure the dog yards are cleaned properly

He’d probably keep their (le poopoo) to take home and use as fertilizer for his plants

He’d make sure the yards are properly mowed and look nice for visitors

Will absolutely yell at you if you try to move his catnip plants from the catio

Has ideas to plant more flowers and do some landscaping outdoors to make the vicinity look more appealing

Would probably not spend a lot of time with the animals while there unless it’s raining and he’s indoors

I think if he is inside, he probably stays up front near the cat room

Or he is asking the front desk staff if there is anything they need help with

He is very helpful at reception

Floyd:

Is not TOTAL chaos when he volunteers

He would rather help clean the dog room instead of walking the dogs

Will constantly yell “buckets” when he goes to throw stuff away

If you’re helping him clean, be prepared to be sprayed with water “by accident”

Likes to take people’s snacks from the break room and hide them around the shelter

He likes to tease and say “you missed a spot” when you’re cleaning something

Is the tall giraffe the clinic calls if they can’t reach stuff on the top shelf

You remember how I said Azul gets nice things for auctions?

It’s Floyd. Floyd is how

He’s super charming to donors and they find him really intriguing

But if they can’t be swayed by charm, he does have other ways to make them give up the goods

Kalim:

Brings us iHOP every time he comes to volunteer

It could be 2pm and he brings a whole bunch of pancakes with a huge smile on his face

Really enjoys helping at the shelter instead of the clinic

He isn’t one who does a lot of cleaning

But he loves walking and socializing the dogs

He really enjoys taking dogs out for meet n greets with potential adopters

His bubbly personality puts the dogs at ease and they’re more likely to show their personality when they meet new people

He likes to go into the dog runs when they’re outside and throw a tennis ball or a stick for hours

If he finds a good stick outside, he brings it to me to put in my stick drawer 

The dogs are always tired when he leaves, but so happy

Doesn’t leave the shelter without telling every animal and staff member goodbye individually 

“Goodbye Sid, Goodbye Meatloaf, Goodbye Gumby, Goodbye Hinoa”

Jamil:

Always comes on days Kalim is volunteering

Tends to help a lot in the cat room or with intakes

Occasionally will help with cleaning the dog room but hates when Floyd sprays him with water so he leaves

The cats like to climb into his lap in the cat room

He meows back at them to “chat” and isn’t afraid to hiss back if they threaten him

Is surprisingly good at giving the cats their nightly meds

Like how and where did you learn these techniques because wow

Always brings food for everyone to eat at lunch time, he doesn’t want anyone to go without

Makes food for both the shelter and clinic staff

It’s always delicious and well balanced 

Always says something like “a well balanced meal will let us take care of the animals better” blahblahblah

Had to wrangle Kalim at night time when volunteering is over

Basically says goodbye to everyone with Kalim

Thank you for coming to my ted talks. I will try to do the other half later tomorrow or something hahahaha. But I have ADHD so that is a really, really funny joke.

[englishmagic]

In other news, today my boomer mother suggested I look into getting an autism diagnosis. The one person I was most sure would go on about ‘oh these silly young people, everyone wants a diagnosis for everything these days’.

I guess that’s… a sign that I might not just be overestimating the significance of relatable memes to figuring out what’s “wrong” with me

In more annoying news, she told me my sister had said she hoped I’d shave my face for her birthday. Why do these people care so much about MY appearance, like. I don’t give a shit what they look like. Whatever makes them happy, you know? I’d appreciate the same courtesy in return. Then again, my sister didn’t literally tell me to shave; she mentioned it to my mother, and I don’t know if that is better or worse. But it certainly rubs me the wrong way that my mother felt the need to tell me about it.

Thinking about it, these women are always surprised or even offended if I don’t comment when they get a new haircut. So they literally make their aesthetic choices hoping to get comments. Whereas I would ideally not have people commenting on my appearance altogether. I guess I enjoy the odd compliment, like on my badass tattoo or my rocking outfit. But if someone comments that “oh, you cut your hair!” I almost kind of panic and want to bark back, “and what of it?!?” Like I’m expecting a criticism. I don’t make my appearance choices expecting people to like them and comment on them, I make them mostly despite what I expect those closest to me will think. It’s about expressing me and feeling comfortable in myself. If I comment on their appearance, it’s either because I especially like their look that day or because they’ve made a visible effort which, while not being my cup of tea, deserves some commendation.

(Well. I will occasionally say something akin to “hey I notice you’ve lost a lot of weight over a short period of time, is everything okay” but that’s because I know my mother has a history of disordered eating. And I don’t really do that anymore because she takes it as a compliment because skinny=good in her mind and that’s not. What I mean.)

And guess what, beyond those comments, I don’t actually think about or notice their appearance that much. Is that rude of me? I’m always lowkey worried about being rude because there’s stuff I don’t notice which I’m supposed to comment on. But I don’t really pay attention to people’s appearances; it’s their business. And if I don’t feel compelled to say anything about them TO THEM, why the fuck would I want to say something about them to other people?!? It’s so weird! When I say something about someone else’s appearance to others, it’s always positive! I think? Maybe I say mean stuff and I forget about it? That can be the case; I wouldn’t put it past my memory to overwrite bad stuff I do and say to make myself look good to myself. But like. The rare bad comment I have to make about someone. I will definitely not utter. Especially not to someone who knows the person.

All this to say that I would hate to upset my sister so I will probably shave my face before going to her birthday. I am trying to work on my confidence in my facial hair, because I sometimes like it and sometimes don’t, but importantly it’s the only thing about my appearance that makes anyone I’ve met question whether or not I am a woman. Which I am not. And obviously that’s kind of important to me, to have people view me as not-a-woman.

(And yes, I do fully suspect that that’s why they don’t like my facial hair - it’s too unusual, to unwomanly, and they’d prefer it if I were nonbinary in private and presented female to the world so as not to embarrass them by association.)

[yazoutlet]

Breaking Free

For the longest time of my life and without even realizing it, my friends had a huge impact on my life. I was so attached to them.. more than they were. I always struggled with that. Was it me? Am I not lovable enough? Am I this super strong human who is just simply capable of loving to this extreme extent? Years later now I reflect and I believe it was because I didn't really have the normal family setting you would think of. My parents were divorced and I wasn't really close to my family at all; the outlet for everything I feel, my support system, and my 'family' essentially were my friends in my head.

I would go out of my way for people and help them and I would speak up in class and essentially just being me. I loved going out, interacting with people, doing activities, joking, and being studious. Being myself allowed me to make lots of friends, but then it's like once I had those friends, little by little, I stopped being myself.

I suddenly started getting comments on what I do and started receiving opinions of people's thoughts on who I am. Some people would compliment me and point out how helpful or approachable I am. This ignited a sense of satisfaction and it was just unexpected feedback I liked. Others would tell me that I'm stupid, letting people take advantage of me and backing up their opinion by saying how if the roles were reversed they wouldn't do that to me.

Now the mind games begin...

Was I letting people take advantage of me? Or was I just being myself and people were just voicing their opinions because also why not? Is there a limit to helping people? When does helping become allowing people to walk over you? I spent years in this mindset from my teenage years to my early adulthood. Even though these opinions affected my mind and I did think about them more than often, they usually didn't affect my actions. I would find that I still would go out of my way to help people even if I actively knew they wouldn't do it to me.

I would ask myself, "Are you helping because you're looking for something in return?' And I pondered upon this greatly. Did I want something in return? No of course I don't want anything. Wait, is gratitude, appreciation, or just good friendship considered something to want in return? Why did I care what they thought?

Also now as I am reflecting on my past, I believe it was because I was afraid of being alone. Not having friends. I wanted to be loved and I wanted to be the helping hand not for anything other than liking to help genuinely and for the longest time this didn't seem like a good enough reason. It's like I had to have a hidden motive behind it when I didn't. Anyway, flashforward life took its course, and my friends & I grew apart and suddenly I am forced to be alone. I realized I was terrified of being alone, that I never let myself realize that even though I was alone.. I was okay. I am capable of thriving on my own and creating new relationships. I actually believe I am a better version of myself now and before the influence of my friends.

It is important to note that these friends or people I am referring to are not bad people; who knows their own personal journey, story, or struggles. It was mainly my fault. I allowed them to have this much influence on me; I allowed their world to engulf my mind. And this is just one example of a simplified summary of this part of my story or experience in this aspect.

I wish I could say this or show this writing to my younger self.