#i actually like just recently watched the episode where derek quits

[peonyblossom]

tbh up until OHOF description mentioned ethan is the chief of medicine i totally forgot that that was canon. ethan is not the chief of medicine. to me.

[loserholland]

𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐛𝐨𝐲

Pairing ➺ Spencer Reid x SSA!Reader

Warning ➺ None really, just flashbacks to episodes from season 7 

Word Count ➺  6,408

Summary ➺  When the Reader needs a date to her sister’s wedding, Spencer volunteers to be her date.

A/N ➺ Please enjoy! Maybe I’ll do a part two, who knows! But the bold text are the readers thoughts (:

✿ 𝓟𝓮𝓻𝓶𝓪𝓷𝓮𝓷𝓽 𝓣𝓪𝓰𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽 ✿ - @loveyathreethousand @taronxfiction @killerqueen-gunpowdergelatine@spideyyypeter @lou-la-lou @babebenhardy @rivervixenbaby @acklesholland@zabdisamor @keepingupwiththehollands @sweet666pea @sspider-parker@jackiehollanderr @caro0512 @thewinchesterchronicles @cporter003@kisses-holland @spideysnugget @cryszus @sunflowerharrystyles@peterunderoos @jessybellsworld @spider-mendes @ohbabycal​ 

@nerdgirljen​ 

@iloveyou3000morgan @random-things-i-love

*The strike through your name just means I couldn’t tag you, please message me if anything*

☞  Masterlist  ☜

“Shots!” 

Garcia shouted as she placed a the tray onto the table of the booth, it had been one hell of a long week and they finally had a free night. And with a free night meant head to the local bar make it one hell of a night.

Everyone reached for a shot glass whereas Reid raised his glass of Arnold Palmer.

The bar was slightly packed, mostly by FBI agents, the sound of music plus the amount of chatter in the club brought a smile to everyone’s faces. It’s been a while since they had gone to the bar as a team.

The booth was filled with laughter, the team had been talking about anything and everything, passing around jokes about one another.

Originally it was supposed to be a girls night, but the boys had begged that they allow we allow them to join. Well Rossi and Morgan were the ones who pleaded and insisted on dragging Reid and Hotch along.

(Y/N) felt her phone vibrate causing her to bring it out of her pocket wondering who was texting her at this time.

𝘚𝘰 𝘸𝘩𝘰’𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘸𝘦𝘥𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘦?

She groaned loudly reaching for another shot placing her phone face down on the table. Morgan raised his brows lightly noticing her sudden mood change.

“What’s up with you (Y/L/N)?”

(Y/N) leaned back into the booth drawing out a long sigh before answering “Nothing, my sister was just asking who’s my date to her wedding which is next week.” 

Rossi chuckled lightly before asking, “Who’s the lucky fellow?”

Yeah that’s the thing

There was no lucky fellow.

“Funny story..”

The team had just gotten back from Atlantic city. It was one of those cases where Hotch had given the team a long weekend off.

(Y/N) sighed lightly opening the door to her apartment kicking her boots off as she entered and locking the door behind her. Shrugging her coat off and placing it on the coat rack, she walked over to the kitchen placing the stacks of mail she had gotten before coming upstairs. 

After one hell of a week, she opened a new bottle of red wine and poured it into a glass before heading into her room for a nice hot bath.Once she was done relaxing she headed back into the kitchen, sorting through her mail till she stumbled upon a wedding invitation.

𝗝𝗼𝗶𝗻 𝘂𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗲𝗱𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝗳 𝗥𝘆𝗮𝗻 𝗔𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗦𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗹𝗲𝘁 (𝗬/𝗟/𝗡)

“𝘋𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘱𝘵𝘴”

“𝘙𝘦𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴”

“Are you bringing a date?” (Y/N) mumbled to herself as she read the options to check off, of course only Scarlet would want to include that.

Not, number attending but are you bringing a date. Letting out a deep sigh her eyes gaze over to the pictures scattered over the fridge. (Y/N) was the second oldest of four siblings. She was the one out of four siblings to not be:

One- Married

Two-Soon to be married

and Three

Recently engaged.

Without thinking, she grabbed a pen and checked off to where we are now.

Morgan bursted into a fit of laugher before saying in between breathes “So, what I’m hearing is you don’t have a date?”

She glared at Morgan sticking her tongue out at him like a five year old child. It was already bad enough that every time she goes home to visit her family will ask: “Found anyone special?”

“Yeah, I don’t.”

It was a simple mistake, and well that simple mistake left her with no date. The last thing she wanted was to text her sister, “I actually have no date lmao.” because if that were to happen bridezilla would make quite the show. And she’d also never hear the end of that. Now, she has a week to find a date. That can’t be that hard right? Just who?

Morgan could barley catch his breath, (Y/N) kicked his ankle in annoyance “It’s not funny Derek! All I hear from my aunts are, oh you’ll find someone sweetie or you’re getting order you’ll find someone soon enough!” she leaned her head against the wall continuing to glare at Morgan.

“I could be your date.” Spencer spoke up trying to ease the tension that filled the booth.

Emily used her foot to nudge (Y/N) leg, she glared at the woman sitting across from her who wore an amused smile. (Y/N) glanced over at Penelope and JJ who also had the same expression on their face.

His brows furrowed, he didn’t see anything wrong with what he offered so- why was everyone staring?

“What? I-It was a suggestion.. that’s all.” His nose crinkled as he spoke pressing his lips into a thin line focusing his attention to the table in front of him.

Spencer may have an IQ of 187, and (Y/N) may be the youngest and second smartest of the team. These two are blind. Literally blind. It was quite obvious that boy wonder and miss.young and beautiful (well said from the one and only Penelope Garcia) have feelings for one another. 

If there was someone who can talk Spencer down, to get him to bring his walls down, it was (Y/N). Just a few months ago when everyone found out that Emily was in fact alive and not dead, everyone was happy that she was alive but that also came with being questioned by the Senate Committee for our retaliatory action.

But before Emily had came back everyone was dealing with her death differently.

There are five stages of grief:

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

With those five stages, everyone deals with their emotions differently. (Y/N) and Garcia did as much as they could to honor Emily’s name. Whereas Morgan felt guilty, telling himself he if he were there a second early he could’ve saved her. Spencer took it the hardest, he had gone to JJ’s house crying for almost 10 weeks.

Now with Emily back, the team felt back to normal. Well, some what back to normal. We had been called to Oklahoma, and it wouldn’t be a lie to say Spencer was not Spencer adding into the conversation or throwing in "Did you know.. facts”

He was quiet, distant.

“It’s too late alright!”

“Reid?” Emily spoke only watching as walked away.

(Y/N) looked at Hotch before saying “I’ll go talk to him.” giving her a nod of approval she grabbed one of the car keys and headed out towards Spencer.

Running out she watched as he continued to walk away, “Spencer!” she shouted yet no response.

“Spencer Walter Reid!”

Nothing

“Reid!”

The nearly 6’1 genius continued to walk away ignoring your calls. 

“Hey loverboy! I am talking to you! You know I don’t like being ignored!”

Spencer stopped in his tracks throwing his head back lightly “I don’t want to talk.” he spoke without turning around.

The heels of her boots clicked against the sidewalk once she was next to him she linked her arm with his pulling him towards one of the SUVS.

“Who said I wanted to talk? What if I wanted to get some coffee.”

Luckily there was a coffee shop that was a few blocks down the road, the car ride was silent- comfortable silence. (Y/N) never pushed Spencer to talk, she waited patiently for him to bring it up on his own.

In which, he did.

“I cried.. for ten weeks (Y/N).. ten weeks back to back.”

His voice barley above a whisper.

(Y/N) brought her right hand forward taking ahold of his left giving him a reassuring squeeze.

“Spencer, Hotch and JJ kept Emily safe. The less people knew that Emily was alive, the better because Doyle was still out there. If he found out Emily was still alive, he would’ve gone after not only Emily but the rest of the team as well. Trust me, it’s odd to have Emily back I mean we ‘buried’ her for christ sakes. But she’s here, with us again. Not six feet. under. I can’t speak for JJ but, I know she never meant to intentionally hurt your feelings or make you feel vulnerable. We were bound to find out sooner or later Spence.”

Truth be told, (Y/N) hated seeing Spencer sad and angry. Something she never saw all that often but knew him being sad made her feel sad.

They had spent an hour an a half in the coffee shop, now they were walking back into the station. Slowly Spencer had opened up more, she let him go uninterrupted allowing him to speak as she listened.

“Thank you by the way.”

(Y/N) smiled nudging him with her elbow, “Anytime loverboy.”

-

"Look at pretty boy go!” Morgan chuckled raising his enclosed fist towards Spencer who awkwardly fist bumped him back. She watched as he pursed his lip his gaze fixed on his drink avoiding eye contact with the rest of the team and especially (Y/N).

Hotch sighed lightly glancing at his phone before giving Rossi a nod, “I better get going, I don’t want Jessica to stay too late. Have a nice weekend guys, I don’t want to see any of you at the office.” 

It was just fifteen minutes past eleven and everyone was ready to head home and call it a night. Stepping out of the nearly now packed bar greeted by the cool air of Washington D.C. They had bid their goodbyes and headed to their cars. 

All she could think about was what Spencer had said, “I could be your date.” I mean, there is no problem with him being her date right? Beside the fact that you have a huge fat third grade crush on boy genius. 

Once she got home she kicked off her boots padding over to the kitchen for a glass of water placing her belongings on her couch. A loud ding echoed throughout her apartment, it may be her sister again wondering who her date is.

Grabbing her phone out of her purse the notification flashed across the screen:

A message from Scarlet. Swiping her thumb across the screen unlocking her phone to read the message.

𝘏𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘰? 𝘋𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘪𝘨𝘯𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘦, 𝘸𝘩𝘰'𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘦?

𝘈𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘬𝘦?

𝘊𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘸.

𝘈𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘰𝘮 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘢𝘥 𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺 𝘢𝘵 𝘢 𝘩𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘭?

𝘏𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘰?

𝘐'𝘮 𝘵𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘥, 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘸 𝘰𝘳 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦.

𝘗𝘴, 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘢𝘩 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘦!

“Love you too whore.” (Y/N) mumbled placing her phone onto the coffee table walking away to her room to get changed. Another loud ding caught her attention, “I thought she was going to sleep?” (Y/N) thought to herself.

Instead it was a message from Emily.

𝘚𝘢𝘺 𝘺𝘦𝘴! 𝘛𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘦!!

Plopping herself onto her couch running her fingers through her hair.

He’s awake right? I mean it’s only twelve-fifteen? She held her phone in her hand tapping it lightly against her thigh contemplating whether or not to call him. 

“Just call him.” she mumbled to herself

Her family didn’t have any problems with Spencer. The one thing she’ll never forget is when he had told you father "The number of pathogens passed during a handshake is staggering. It's actually safer to kiss." The look on your fathers face was priceless.

Besides that her family had no problems with Spencer. They just describe him as being bit awkward and rambles on about well anything. It’s almost been four years since she joined the BAU. She was lucky enough to join at the age of twenty-three. And she’s been with them ever since.

When (Y/N) first joined the team Jason Gideon had just recently retired and David Rossi had returned voluntarily. You know that new kid feeling? New school, fresh faces, no friends? Yeah, that was the was her current feeling.

(Y/N) had barley gotten any sleep the night before. She felt anxious, tossing and turning the almost the entire night only to get about three hours of sleep. She had gotten up thirty minutes before her alarm, and had gotten there thirty minutes early.

Now she was currently sitting in SSA Aaron Hotchner’s office. You’ve heard many amazing things about his team, they are truly one of the best. Brushing her hands against her skirt for what felt like the hundredth time.

Pull yourself together, there’s nothing to be worried about.

“Agent (Y/L/N), would you like to meet the team?” Hotch spoke, (Y/N) turned her attention to the door giving him a nod of approval. Standing from her seat she followed him into the conference room.

“You’ll be fine.”

(Y/N) chuckled lightly, “Sorry, I’m just extremely nervous.” he smiled lightly opening the door to the conference room, the only person she knew was David Rossi, the BAU wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for Gideon and Rossi.

“SSA (Y/L/N), this is SSA-”

“David Rossi, I’ve read your books and they are magnificent.” Rossi chuckled lightly sticking his hand out for her to shake in which (Y/N) gladly shook. She had just met one of the greatest profilers of all time.

(Y/N) looked up at Hotch before quickly apologizing “This is SSA Prentiss.” The beautiful raven haired woman smiled “Emily, nice to meet you.” moving to the man standing next to her “SSA Morgan.” he smiled shaking her hand “Derek.”

“(Y/N).” she replied.

“Our Communications Liaison Jennifer Jareau.”

“You can call me JJ.”

“Our tech analysis Penelope Garcia.”

Finally, the last person whom she had grown closes too.

“And Doctor Spencer Reid.”

That was your team. And they were more welcoming than you thought they would be, they were your second family. If you guys weren’t on a case, you’d be at the bar raking up Rossi’s tab. You were able to talk to them about almost anything, if you needed time off Hotch understood.

The first year she had worked with the team, they were very welcoming. Hotch had partnered you with Spencer most of the time, either you two would check out the M.E or stay back at the police department. It was safe to say it was a bit awkward at first when you were partnered with Spencer. But, she wouldn’t have wanted to be partnered with anyone else.

“Hello?”

Shit! He’s awake. Wait, when did I call him up?

“(Y/N)?”

Say something, he knows you’re on the other end of the line.

“Are you okay?’

Are you having a stroke right now? Say something!

“H-hi, sorry to bother you so late.”

It was fifteen minutes to one, did it really take me almost thirty minutes to call him?

“It’s fine, just getting a little bit of reading in. Did you need something?”

She bit the bottom of her lip getting up from her seat on her couch, just say it! Tell him you’d love to have him as a date.

“If your offer still stands.. I’d love to have you be my date.” she paced around her living room. Please say yes, this would be totally awkward if you said no but- you did offer to be my date?

Spencer smiled widely “Yes! I-I mean of course, I mean- I’d love to accompany you.” though (Y/N) couldn’t see him she knew he had his hand covered over his eyes mentally curing at himself.

“Great! I’ll text you the details tomorrow? Thank you again Spencer, I appreciate it.” 

“Y-yeah cool cool, um good night, sleep tight.. don’t let the bed bugs bite.” 

He could be such a dork sometimes. A cute dork. Rambling on until someone says something or he’d catch himself and apologize. Usually the team would exchange looks but, you’d sit there listening intently. It’s amazing that someone so young has already three PhD’s and as the genius said himself “I just keep getting PhD’s”

“Good night loverboy.”

Spencer had his nicknames, from Pretty boy, boy wonder, kid, doc etc.

Loverboy however, kinda just slipped. They had been working a case and Spencer was deep in his thoughts, she had been trying to get his attention for the last five minutes. When she had said it, he cheeks were painted a deep shade of red. Ever since then, the nickname just stuck.

(Y/N) tossed her phone onto the couch squealing loudly, surely enough she knew one of her neighbors would file a complaint against her but she didn’t care. All she cared about was the fact that Spencer Reid was her wedding date, and she couldn’t be more excited.

-

The entertainment capital of the world

Sin city

Fabulous Las Vegas.

Home to Spencer and (Y/N), the two were going to be staying with her parents since they live the closes to the venue. The drive to her parents house meant passing by her high school, and without a doubt she knew Spencer would have something to say.

“Isn’t that your old high school?” 

She glanced at Spencer for a short moment before answering, “Yup, class of 2003.”

About a month ago the team had gone to Boise,Idaho where a serial killer is murdering the survivors of a high school massacre that took place exactly ten years earlier. Hotch had sent (Y/N) and Spencer to examine the crime scene. 

“The unsub has to be tied to the school somehow. Maybe a current student, alumni, or a family member who lost someone?” (Y/N) mumbled as she scanned the crime scene 

“It could be a Slade groupie celebrating his hero. He taped nails to the exterior of the bomb. Specifically to rip open flesh-” Spencer spoke turning his head slightly to see (Y/N) examining the various pieces of nails.

“That’s a Slade detail of Slade’s the unsub copied.”

“Except he tricked Givens into blowing himself up.A groupie probably wouldn’t show that much self-control.” (Y/N) pointed out her eyes looked from the ground to the ceiling.

“But someone with an ax to grind against the principal would. Maybe he’s a surrogate for the tormenters in high school he can’t punish...” he examined the photos he held in his hands, “who were yours?”

(Y/N) chuckled reaching forward to touch the piece of nail in the wall, “I don’t even remember.” she mumbled.

Spencer raised his brow in confusion, “You don’t even remember?” his voice filled with disbelief. He stepped forward still stuck on the subject, “Wait, were you one of the mean girls?”

She turned around in surprise her eyes widened at his question, “What? No!” Okay maybe there were some people she was a bit rude to. That only being her  younger brother who was a freshmen when she was a senior.

“Track star with a full ride scholarship to UNR and was accepted by many universities, one of the valedictorians of her class, and the student body president? That not only screams popular but you could’ve been one of the mean girls!”

(Y/N) gasped loudly walking past Spencer to get to the other side of the room, “Could’ve been, I was actually one of the nice popular girls! I was even friends with guys like you!” 

“Guys like me? I'll have you know that my social standing increased once I started winning at basketball.“ now that was hard to believe.

“Spencer Reid playing basketball no way.” (Y/N) snickered causing Spencer to press his lips into a thin line, “Okay, I coached basketball. I broke down the opposing team's shooting strategy.” Now that sound more like Spencer.

“Is that why Morgan kicked you out of the pool last week?“ Rossi held a BBQ last Sunday, inviting the entire team over and Spencer and Derek were going at it in the pool bickering with one another.

“Yeah. Took him three rounds to realize I was hustling him.”

(Y/N) pulled into the driveway shifting the gear into park, she turned slightly to face Spencer. “Spence.” she whispered, he turned his head in confusion. Spencer had met her family, but he was about to meet MORE of them. As much as she loved them to death, they could be a little too much.

“First off, I wanna say thank you so much for being my date. Second, my family.. they are loud and can get very.. touchy? If you feel uncomfortable in any given moment please tell me because I don’t want you to think you made a mistake by coming.” He gave her a warm smile, placing his hand over her’s.

“(Y/N/N)!” a voice shouted causing (Y/N) to jump slightly pulling her attention away from Spencer. Her mother smiled happily, she was beyond excited to hear that (Y/N) was bringing Spencer as her date. The two exited the car retrieving their luggage from the trunk. 

“Hey mom!” (Y/N) shouted as she closed the trunk watching as Spencer waved hello to her mother.

“Hi Mrs.(Y/L/N).” 

“Oh Spencer! How have you been? Come in get settled Steven and I are treating you two to dinner tonight!” She watched as her mother followed Spencer into the house, it would be an understatement if I said my mom loved Spencer.

I mean who wouldn’t?

Later that night when they had gone out to dinner they just so happened to run into one of her family members that every so gladly invited themselves to dinner. 

And the immediate question was, “So (Y/N), who’s this?” that lead to a somewhat awkward dinner. You know how everyone has that one favorite cousin? Then there was that one cousin that was a tattle-tale and much of a show off? That was the cousin that was at dinner tonight. 

“This is Doctor. Spencer Reid, he’s my partner. I-I mean the partner on my team, a-

“So what I’m hearing is you’re single?” Gwen questioned causing (Y/N) to gasp lightly watching as Spencer shifted in his seat “Um- well yeah but-” his voice had gone up a couple octaves. Drawing his hand away from the table watching as Gwen’s cheeks tinted a deep red.

“Gwen quit it, you’re making him uncomfortable!” (Y/N) snapped annoyed with her cousin’s behavior. This was the last thing she wanted Spencer to feel, uncomfortable. She didn’t want Spencer to think he made a mistake, before she could say anymore he glanced at her for a second before whispering “It’s okay.” If only she could strangle Gwen right here, right now. The table was filled with awkward silence, (Y/N) mother chuckled lightly before quickly changing the subject “So, who’s ready for tomorrow?”

-

The only thing (Y/N) always looked forward to was the reception. Her least favorite part was the ceremony where most of her family members would be asking her one too many questions. She had spent half of her morning mentally preparing herself for what’s to come today. What she was not prepared for was the suit Spencer had worn, well the velvet suit jacket to be exact. It had matched perfectly with the red dress she had worn.

Spencer sat with (Y/N) siblings watching as she chased around her niece and nephews, “I’m gonna get you!” she shouted causing her niece to squeal loudly running father away from her aunt. (Y/N) had always gotten along with kids, they’d easily adjust to her. When they had cases dealing with kids, it would either be Spencer, JJ, or (Y/N) to be the ones to talk to them.

“Remind me, the next time Garcia tries to get me to go to a shoe sale I need to say no.” (Y/N) spoke in between breaths settling next to Spencer, Wonderful tonight began to play bringing almost everyone to the dance floor. She took ahold of his hand dragging him up from his seat, “Spence we need to join them!” 

The sound of his heart beat was music to her ears, beating softly. The feeling of being so close to him, left butterflies in her stomach. It felt so, domestic? It’s not an everyday thing to dance with Spencer Reid.

“Do you see yourself having kids some day?”

(Y/N) pulled her head away from his chest looking up at him with a raised brow. That was a bit out of the blue.

“Just the way you interact with your niece and nephews, you’re good with kids. i’ve noticed that when we work on cases dealing with kids. you’re patient with them.” Spencer glanced down at her, she looks so beautiful.

(Y/N) sighed lightly before answering, “Yeah, ideally... I want to have kids by the time I’m thirty and well, I have three more years to make that happen.”

Spencer hummed at her response allowing (Y/N) to continue.

“My parents... they had told my siblings and I that I would be the first to have kids, and well-“

Her eyes gaze over to her older sister whom was the first to have kids, her beautiful niece and nephew. Seated at the same table her brother whom was recently engaged and his fiancée awaiting their first child.

And now her younger sister wouldn’t be too far behind.

“I’m not a profiler, but aren’t those two completely oblivious about their feelings for one another?” Isabelle commented watching as her sister dance with her date.

“That’s what I was thinking the entire time! The FBI should hire us, we’re good!” Cole exaggerated lifting his hand for Isabelle to high-five.

(Y/N) turned her attention away from her siblings back to look at Spencer. If only she could hear her siblings conversation.

“I’m gonna be the last to get married.” she said with a light chuckle.

There was no one to blame, i mean at this point she was married to her job and she knew the pros and cons. But there’s still time for her, time to find someone, to have kids.

“What about you doc? Do you want little geniuses?”

Spencer sighed lightly moving his right hand that was resting on her waist taking ahold of her left, spinning her around.

He held her hand for a moment swaying the two from side to side, “Of course, as much as I love being a godfather.. I wanna have kids of my own. An entire soccer team as one may say.”

That was something the two had in common, being a godparent. (Y/N) loved spoiling her goddaughter, even before she was asked to be the godmother.

(Y/N) giggled at his response, any woman would be lucky enough to have a child with Spencer. He’d make a wonderful father, he’d be ever so patient with his little boy or girl.

“Well your future wife is in for it.”

He felt a slight tug on his suit jacket, he looked down to see (Y/N) niece Lyrical, “I wanna dance.” the four year old said moreover demanded.

(Y/N) gasped lightly before letting go of Spencer’s right hand and moved to wrap her arms around him.

“No he’s mine.” she joked sticking her tug out at the four year old.

If he was standing in front of a mirror right now, he’d be as red as a tomato.

“No! My boyfriend!” Lyrical huffed wrapping her chubby arms around her chest with a pout. That was something Lyrical basically established during prior visits.

Whenever they’d have cases in Vegas the night before they leave the team goes to hangout with (Y/N) family. Her second family meeting her well family

(Y/N) drew back her arms from him as she looked between Spencer and her niece, “So- who’s it gonna be loverboy?”

Spencer hummed at her question before picking up Lyrical causing her to giggle lightly wrapping her arms around his neck swaying from side to side.

She held onto him, her fingers slightly tugged at the back of his hair. (Y/N) smiled, the warm fuzzy feeling she felt earlier was back again.

If Spencer’s first born child is a girl, she’d have him wrapped around her fingers before she was born.

She walked up to her niece peppering kisses onto her chubby cheeks earning a burst of laughter, the song changed into a more upbeat rhythm causing almost everyone to come to the dance floor.

“So, who was going to tell me they were dating?” Scarlet questioned, walking over to sit at the same table her siblings were seated. Isabelle snorted reaching for the glass of water in front of her.

“Why would we? They aren’t dating.. yet.” Cole answered sarcastically earning a slap to the back of his head. He glared at his younger sister, “I answered your question why did you have to hit me!” Scarlet shrugged lightly taking a sip from her champagne glass.

(Y/N) looked over to her siblings, who were bickering as usual.

“I’m gonna go sit for a bit.” Spencer nodded watching as she walked back to sit with her siblings before turning his attention back to the four year old.

“Woah Lyrical stole your date.” Cole snickered causing (Y/N) to roll her eyes playfully, “I know, better watch out she’s gonna have boys waiting on her beck and call.” The table rose with laughter, as they moved onto a different topic.

It felt like old times, sitting around with her siblings as they talked about childhood memories and embarrassing moments. She needed to come home more often instead of having them fly out to only spend a day or two.

Her eyes gazed over to Spencer and her niece who were stilling dancing, that warm fuzzy feeling. It’s unexplainable. She couldn’t help but imagine, what if. What if her and Spencer do end up together? Oh would their daughter be his princess. He would do anything for her. Whoever get’s to be the future Mrs.Reid would be the luckiest women in the world, his kids would be blessed with such a wonderful dad.

Scarlet looked over to her older sister who was too deep in thought as she watched her date dance with their niece. She couldn’t help but notice the smile that tugged at (Y/N) lips.

“So does that mean you’re next?”

Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, her train of thought coming to a screeching halt. Next?

“For?” (Y/N) questioned back, unsure of what Scarlet was trying to lead on.

“You and that handsome Doctor Reid.”

(Y/N) eyes widened causing her to shake her head from left to right, “What? No no, we’re just friends.” she tried to suppress the smile that dared to paint over her lips.

Her siblings look between each other before bursting into a fit of laughter, “Sure keep telling yourself that.” Cole spoke in between his laughter.

Y/N rolled her eyes crossing her arms over her chest before responding “Hey! We’re just friends.” 

Cole leaned back into his chair raising a brow at her, “So, you’re telling us you don’t have any feelings for him? Zero, nada, zilch?” she glared at Cole kicking his ankle lightly. He winced at the sudden action reaching down to sooth his ankle.

“I don’t have feelings for him.”

Isabelle rose her brow at her younger sister, “You’re doing that thing.” If there was one thing she was bad at it would be lying. You’d think for a profiler she’d be better at lying and would be able to keep a poker face.

“What thing?”

Scarlet sighed loudly, “(Y/N) you may be a profiler but, we’re your siblings we know when you’re lying.” That only caused (Y/N) to scoff loudly and shake her head at her siblings.

Why are they attacking me right now?

“You cross your arms over your chest and you smile, A LOT it’s kinda no it IS creepy. Plus you get defensive, like very defensive.” Cole pointed out only for the rest of her siblings to agree.

Let’s forget what I said early about visiting more often. They can continue flying out to D.C.

(Y/N) got up from her seat slipping her heels back on causing Cole to flinch slightly, growing up the only boy meant dealing (Y/N) scared him. A lot.

 “I wasn’t going to hit you ass clown!”

Maybe, just maybe she was spending a bit too much time with Rossi.

 “I’m gonna go for a little walk.” 

The three siblings looked between each other. If there was something she knew all too well of doing it was avoiding her feelings. Not opening up to others, building walls high enough so no one can look over and see what she’s feelings or thinking. 

“Don’t close yourself off! Say what needs to be said!”

It felt like deja vu. 

Emily had told her the exact same thing a few days ago.

"Oh my sweet angel face (Y/N)! You and boy wonder are blind!” Penelope slurred as she attempted to place her glasses on (Y/N) face. JJ couldn’t help but laugh at Garcia’s actions.

“My vision is 20/20 as a matter of fact!” (Y/N) answered earning another laugh from Emily, “Pen is right you know? Don’t close yourself off! Say what needs to be-”

“Hey, you missed the bouquet toss.”

(Y/N) blinked a few times before looking up to see Spencer.

“Did you know the tossing the bouquet is a tradition that stems from England. Women used to try to rip pieces of the bride's dress and flowers in order to obtain some of her good luck. Today the bouquet is tossed to single women with the belief that whoever catches it will be the next to marry.”

This was one of the many things she loved about Spencer. The amount of knowledge he holds in that huge brain of his. Usually the team isn’t much of a fan when he rambles on but, you loved it. The way he uses his hands to explain what he was thinking, or how he basically has an answer for well everything.

“Who caught the bouquet?”

He chuckled lightly taking a seat next to her, “Well Scarlet kinda threw it at me and said you know what to do. But your mom made her redo it, got a laugh out of everyone though.”

“Pretty sure you’re suppose to catch the garter.” (Y/N) giggled turning her head slightly to look up at Spencer who was laughing along with her. There was a sudden cool breeze causing her to wrap her arms around her chest.

“I knew I should’ve brought my jacket.”

Spencer shrugged off his dress jacket draping it over her shoulders. It was ever so slightly bigger on her she slipped her arms through the sleeves

“Thank you... and another thank you for being my date. I really hat- dislike attending weddings.”

“Did you know the first recorded evidence of marriage ceremonies uniting one woman and one man dates from about 2350 B-“

Her eyes fell towards the ground in front of her. Fixated on the shoes he was currently using.

The converse she had bought him for his 30th birthday, well belated 30th birthday. Not only was he using the converse she bought him but the mismatching socks as well. The team had been called to San Francisco to investigate a possible Zodiac Killer copycat. There was something up with Spencer however, he was quieter than usual. 

But it was only because he had doubts on why he’s in the FBI, questioning that he should be doing something more in his life with the amount of knowledge he had accumulated over the years. The team didn’t even realize they had missed his 30th birthday, and (Y/N) felt so bad for it. She was the one to always bring in the birthday boy or gal their favorite donuts and a cup of coffee. 

When the team had gotten back to Quantico she had stopped by to get him a new pair of converse and of course mis-matched socks.

“How did I not notice you’re using the shoes and socks I gifted you?”

His brows furrowed,“Is something wrong (Y/N)?”

(Y/N) sighed ignoring his question “I read that a crush only last four months. But if it last longer you are considered to be in love. is that true?”

“Actually, many people often mistake crushes and infatuation with love. The initial feelings of crush and falling in love are very similar. The rush of euphoria happens in both cases. The butterflies, and the feelings of pure joy at the sight of them happens in both cases. It’s easy to see how the two are mistaken for love because the feelings are so intense, but there is a difference. Crushes and infatuation go hand in hand, and are very similar-

He paused for a second catching his breath before continuing, “-a crush is defined as a brief but intense infatuation for someone, especially someone inappropriate or unattainable. Infatuation is defined as an intense but short lived passion or admiration for someone or something.

Involuntarily she rest her head against his shoulder, “What about love?” she questioned. You glanced up for a second watching as his tongue swiped across his bottom lip.

“Love is truly seeing and accepting their object of affection. It’s an intense feeling of deep affection. to be patient and understanding, love is forgiving. It desires a deep connection. When we truly love someone, we see their flaws, and we accept them. there are thoughts of a future together, and realistic expectations of ea-“

JJ sighed, “Just tell him say I love you. Not as a friend. But I love you, on a deeper connection. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“I’m in love with you.” her eyes fluttered shut, her heart was pounding in her ears, she felt Spencer tense at what she had just said. Oh god did I make a mistake?

She pulled her head away from his shoulder, tell him why just tell him.

“You’re the most sweetest, yet awkward guy I know. Not only are you sweet, you’re also so smart. I love to hear you ramble on about, honestly anything. You’re so caring, and kind. It hurts me when you beat yourself up, I just want to hug you and tell you why you’re wrong and tell you that I love-” 

Spencer placed his hands on her cheeks pulling her into a slow passionate kiss, everything happened so quickly it took her a moment to process what was happening. Wrapping her arms around his neck pulling him deeper into the kiss, the feeling was so surreal.

He pulled away slowly his hands still on her cheeks as he rest his forehead against hers, “I love you too.” he spoke as he stared into her (Y/E/C). (Y/N) smiled from ear to ear, stealing another kiss from Spencer.

“Finally!” a voice spoke startling the two. (Y/N) peeked over Spencer’s shoulder to see Cole standing there with well the rest of her siblings, oh yeah she was never going to hear the end of this. 

[geekkatsblog]

Grey's Anatomy season 17 episode 4

(Get these characters some Ragu sauce because they've been through enough.)

This episode has been the best for the season so far, I loved it.

_________________________________________

Jackson and Jo

(Never thought I'd have to put them in a title together.)

Jackson and Jo I was intrigued at first when they were being just friends but then they swapped it and slept together. At this point I'm not sure if I like the pairing it's kinda odd borderline cringe, but maybe it'll change. It might be because it came on so suddenly and different. They've pledged to be a friends with benefits thing which is for the best, because Jackson really does go through clothes like he does clothes, but we all know how that is going to end up, someone is going to catch feelings and I don't think it's going to be Jo.

Honestly I'm not sure what they're doing with Jackson. He hasn't had a plot in a really long time it seems like they're just using him as a general filler to put the ladies in relationships, and where did my baby Harriet go she carried the show for the few seconds she was in it last time.

Other than their new arrangement neither Jackson nor Jo have any pressing plots at the moment.

___________________________________________

Link and Amelia

(Currently carrying the Grey's relationship game.)

Before we get into it can I just express how adorable it was seeing Amelia gardening and mothering. She's really doing a great job.

And Link and his one man band serenading his son is adorable as well. He's an awesome father as everyone knew he would have been.

The pandemic and the possibility of Meredith dying is getting to them, as it would for anyone in their positions. I loved that he sat with Amelia and allowed her to feel all her feelings. Link has been the only partner Amelia has had who actually listened to her instead of talking over her concerns and dismissing them and in return she sat with him and allowed him to process his grief in the way he preferred to. Their levels of communication is on point right now and I am excited to see where it goes. Then there's also the scene where she's afraid for Meredith, her and Meredith had a rocky start and even now they don't have the best relationship but still it's great to see the moments where they let us know that they do care about each other.

___________________________________________

Nico and Levi

(At this point I'm sad to put these two names together up here.)

I shipped those two so strong at the beginning but now I just want Levi to stand up for himself and leave Nico hanging, give him some time to let him realise what a good thing he is messing up. I'm still seething at his hypocrisy calling Levi a baby gay and lowkey pressuring Levi to come out to and move out of his mother's basement only for him to find out that Nico hasn't come out to his parents either and worst of all basically left him homeless by putting him out.

I was sad to see that Levi was falling down the same rabbit hole again. Levi hunny you deserve better. At the beginning of the episode when they had that awkward hi moment I was like oh no here we go again. Jo's reaction to finding out about them was perfect their friendship really has grown on me. It was a little odd at first but I approve of them as each other's persons, and for Jo to let him know he's worth more until Nico gets his crap together.

___________________________________________

Owen

Oh Owen, no just no, he miss diagnosed a patient because he didn't look at the whole picture and just saw a piece, however he took the time to educate himself so I'm feeling a little better, I was expecting him to get mad or offended but he wasn't he took it in stride usually some of the doctors would tend to get snippy at the resident's when they pointed out that they made a mistake but he didn't. This is a common mistake made where doctors don't take into concept ethnicity when they're diagnosing patients and I'm glad they touched on this topic.

Owen has no other current plots at this point to touch on, at least until him and Teddy talk again.

___________________________________________

Richard Webber

Meredith better be alright and come out unscathed, because if she does that will destroy Webber. He was so stressed all episode trying to make the decision of whether to put Meredith in the trial or not and I could only imagine the panic that went through him when he heard her mention George. Finally he made the decision to put her in the trial. Her reason for putting her as her POA was because Richard tends to be calm in most situations but she underestimated how important she is to everyone in the hospital they were all literally only interested in her during the briefing, and seeing him in her room all the time was adorable she was alone yet not alone at the same time because he was always in the room watching over her. He is the father that Meredith never had.

__________________________________________Bailey

(Her plot is apparently coming next week)

She really didn't do much other than educate Owen, worry over Meredith and express her concern about her parent's recent move to an assisted living facility.

Seeing her and George together again warmed my heart and seeing her on the beach with Meredith was a surprise as well especially because the few conversations they had in season 16 were the most I'd seen them talk about things that didn't involve work, but they've been together from the beginning along with Richard and been with her through it all, they're all a family and even though her and Meredith have their ups and down they have a similar relationship to Amelia and Meredith they fight sometimes but when push comes to shove they are there for each other.

___________________________________________

Teddy

(A moment of silence for season 5 through 7 Teddy. May she rest in peace.)

Her plot wasn't so much as about her as it was about Meredith but I understand her concern about Meredith dying under her watch. The whole hospital was basically looking over her shoulder with pitchforks for incase she screwed up. It's a lot of pressure when Meredith Grey is your patient, and after the whole her being heard cheating on Owen with Tom by the whole OR the eyes were probably sharper than ever.

But then onto the worst part, her going to visit Tom. Now I know he said he was going to move on for his own sake, but out of all the times they broke up or separated he has never actually ignored her he would have answered even if it was to say go away and even so he has Covid and wasn't answering the door, why didn't she try to open the door or call 911 that's concerning. She could have even threatened to call the ambulance first just to make sure he wasn't really ignoring her. That would have gotten a response from him for sure. But I just can't fathom how she just left after getting no answer from him.

___________________________________________

Maggie

(Get it hun.)

Her and Winston are so cute and they haven't even met in person yet. Seeing the way how they handled the whole dinner with his father was a nice moment. The dinner was super awkward and he managed to make me hate his dad in one scene. This one seems to be the real deal for Maggie she isn't freaking out at the pace like she usually does and took the invitation to family dinner quite well. I'm glad to see she's no longer a cheerleader but now has a life of her own and probably soon maybe even a plot.

___________________________________________

Tom Koracick

(Take Owen instead.)

NOOOOOO not Tom, we haven't gotten to see his character development yet. And why has he been through as much as someone who has been on the show since season 6 give the dude a break man. The whole time I knew he was going to get worst being asymptomatic doesn't necessarily mean that you won't get them later plus the fact that they sent him home alone was enough to know that something was going to go bad.

First thing first the rest of the doctors are sickening the way they treat him, can he come on strong and be a douche yes but I remember Bailey telling George at one point when he was making fun of Karev that they still had to be on his side even if they didn't like him. They are not on Koracick's side they just sent him home to rot and now it may very well cost him his life. I know Meredith is the sun but they could have at least kept Tom in the hospital to just to monitor him or if that wasn't able to happen they could have kept better tabs on him to make sure he was ok.

Am I the only one who's seeing Helm as his intern later in the future? They clearly have the same taste in video games and they would get along better when he becomes more open to people. Plus idk Helm just reminds me of someone in Nuero or even cardio, she has that tough attitude and strong drive like Cristina and Stephanie etc.

I don't think he's going to die though or at least I hope he's not going to die. Bailey's mother is there for a reason I more see her as the one to die.

___________________________________________

Meredith

Last but certainly not least is Meredith am I the only one who suspected that George was next Ellen Pompeo and T.R Knight have a good relationship off set. If anyone was coming back it was going to be George. I can't see Eric Dane coming back. Chyler is filming Supergirl in Vancouver I think and the others are still alive which makes it more unlikely for them to show up on the beach unless if they heard about Meredith being sick and came back to help or something.

Either way I was ecstatic when I saw George, as I said at some point before he was one of those characters that I didn't like before but the more I watched the show the more I appreciated him until he became one of my favorite characters on the show. He's every bit as 'Georgelike' as I remember him. The only thing was I was a little peeved at the fact that she got to be close to George and talk about her kids with him and not Derek but as I realised later apparently Derek is death and when she reaches him it means she choose to live. Which I'm ok with I guess it was good just seeing them again, and it was even better when we got to see the 4 OG's sitting together again even if it was just in a dream.

She has to pick her kids, they need her and so does GreySloan, she needs to live.

I'm hoping she recovers soon, as much as I would like to see even more visitors at the beach. Has Meredith not been through enough? Although this is as peaceful as I've seen her to be completely honest.

___________________________________________

Next week is looking extremely dramatic already.

Meredith seems to be getting better although who knows how long that will last.

Koracick is worst like I said before I don't think he will actually die but something extremely dramatic is going to happen besides him being near death it might be another peice to the Teddy, Owen and Tom love triangle seeing that they're both working on him.

And the last part I saw was Bailey's mom I knew her talking about her parents all of the sudden meant that something was going to happen to one or both of them. Unfortunately I think she might be the one to die Grey's has a habit of bringing in secondary characters when too many primary characters are at risk. Plus it'll give Bailey her plot which I'm lowkey ok with because Chandra Wilson's Emotional scenes are always on point.

[teenwolffanclub-me]

Season 1, Episode 6: Heart Monitor

Hey there beautiful reader! If you’re new here, this is a series I’m writing where each chapter is an episode from the first season of Teen Wolf. If you’ve been here before, hey! I missed you! Previous and future chapters are linked at the end of each part if you want to catch up.

Pairing: Stiles x Psychic! Reader (eventually)

P.S. Scott and Stiles are back to being terrible at keeping secrets, Jackson is en route to creepyville, and Derek is super duper probably dead.

                                                    -----------------

“A spiral.” I said slowly, to make sure we were on the same page. 

Scott nodded frantically, his fists tightening around the straps of his bookbag. “I-I thought it was Derek, but it wasn’t.”

He’d practically bolted toward me the second I walked into the school this morning. After yanking me away from Allison, who was very confused might I add, he proceeded to tell me about the events of last night. 

“Then who was it?” I asked, even though I could've guessed the answer. 

He leaned toward me and looked around before whispering harshly. “The alpha. It had to be him. But why didn't he kill me?”

“Wait. He?” I stopped walking. “Do you have any suspects?”

“No. No, I’m just saying...” I quirked an eyebrow at him and he rolled his eyes with a sigh. “He or she didn't kill me. Which is weird, right?”

“I guess.” I shrugged, continuing down the hall at his side. I honestly had no idea what the alpha’s deal was. It had killed before, almost randomly, and according to Derek it was after Scott. So maybe it was weird that he was still alive, or maybe it wasn't. “You’re apart of it’s pack, right? So maybe it wants to kidnap you, not kill you.”

“That’s reassuring.” He huffed and returned his attention to the hallway in front of us. 

Stiles turned a corner a few feet away, his gaze trained straight ahead. Scott’s face lit up in recognition, a relived smile pulling at his lips. “Stiles, dude. You didn’t answer any of my texts. You have to hear...”

His greeting trailed off when Stiles continued walking past us as if we didn't even exist. I winced, watching as Scott turned on his heel to follow him. I had no choice but to join in, because I’m nosy. 

“Stiles. Come on!” 

He kept his face blank, aside from his lips which twisted into an annoyed frown. 

“You can’t ignore me forever.” Scott tried again, his voice growing desperate. 

Stiles hadn't spoken to him since the parking lot incident two days ago. He was beyond angry with him for disappearing with Allison for a full day, plus having his phone off. I kind of understood both sides. Scott just wanted a normal day with his girlfriend, on her birthday no less. And Stiles is a spaz who freaks out if his friends can’t be reached in a timely fashion. 

Not to mention, his dad had somehow been hit by a car in the middle of the shitstorm at the school, and he was worried about him. There were a lot of dangerous things going on right now, so it honestly wasn't ideal for any of us to be M.I.A.

“Can you at least tell me if your dad’s okay? I mean, it’s just a bruise, right? Some soft tissue damage? Nothing that big.” Scott prodded, only making the situation worse. 

Stiles’ nostrils flared as he dragged his tongue along the inside of his cheek in frustration.

“You know I feel really bad about it, right?” His eyes twitched, but he otherwise showed no reaction. “Okay. What if I told you I was trying to figure this whole thing out? And...and that I went to Derek for help.”

My head whipped in his direction. That was news to me. Did he just conveniently leave that part of the story out? He avoided my gaze with a sigh. 

“If I was talking to you.” Stiles spoke up suddenly, surprising us both. “I would tell you that you’re an idiot for trusting him. But obviously, I’m not talking to you.”

“I second that.” I added with a raise of my hand. 

Derek was just straight up bad news. He may know more about being a werewolf than Scott, but that didn’t mean he was trustworthy. A few tense beats of silence passed between the three of us. I watched as Stiles had an internal battle with himself. His lips rolled inward and his head tilted to the side, his eyes pinching shut for a brief moment. I knew he was about to crack. He turned to Scott with a jerk, practically causing a traffic jam in the hallway. 

“What did he say?” He sighed, seemingly disappointed with himself for giving in. 

Scott smiled gratefully. “He said I could learn to shift by tapping into a primal animal rage.”

“Uh, correct me if I’m wrong, but every time you do that you try to kill someone. And that someone’s usually me.” Stiles started talking with his hands like he usually does, a good sign that he was back to normal.

“Wait. What?” I looked at the two of them with wide eyes. How did I know nothing about this? They shared a secretive glance before Scott sighed, his shoulders hunching in defeat. 

“I kinda lose it when there’s a full moon. I’ve only been through one before and it wasn’t pretty. Anyway, it doesn't matter. Derek said he won’t help me unless I stay away from Allison.”

My brows furrowed in question. What does she have to do with any of this?

“Because of her family?” Stiles asked, coming to a more logical conclusion than me.

“No,” Scott shook his head, looking troubled. “He said that she's a distraction. She makes me weak.”

“You know, the whole women make you weak thing is a little too spartan warrior for me.” Stiles rolled his eyes with a huff. I couldn't agree more. That was one of the biggest copouts I’d ever heard. “It’s probably just part of the learning process.”

Just then, the warning bell rang through the halls. We all went our separate ways, and I made a mental note to confront them about their habit of keeping secrets the next time I saw them. 

                                                    ----------------

I walked through the halls, glancing between my phone and the floor in front of me. I was supposed to meet up with Allison and Lydia in the library during our free period to study. I was waiting for them to tell me they were ready. I sent them another text in our group chat and decided to just head in that direction without them. They could catch up.  

I narrowly missed running into someone, but looked up just in time to stop before faceplanting into their broad chest. It was Jackson, looking sick as ever. His green eyes were bloodshot, as if he hadn’t slept in days, and he was covered in a thin layer of sweat. I took a tentative step back to put some distance between us.

After a few long moments of him awkwardly staring at me, I cleared my throat. “Hey Jackson. You have a free period?”

“No,” He chuckled, although it didn't reach his eyes. “I just don't like sitting through chem.”

“Understandable.” I sent him a small smile and, when he didn't respond, sidestepped him to continue on my way. 

The few other people in the hall had wandered off by now, leaving us alone. He moved in front of me, blocking my way, and once again only stared. There was something weird swirling in his eyes. I couldn't quite place it. It was like he wasn't completely himself. Maybe he had a fever, sometimes that can cause mood changes. 

“Did you...need something?” I asked slowly, beginning to get a little creeped out. 

“Actually, yeah. I wanted to talk.” I glanced away from him, the intensity of his gaze making me uncomfortable. “I realized that I've been a jerk to you. And Scott, especially. I wanted to say that I’m sorry.”

My eyebrows rose in surprise, and he huffed out a laugh. “I’m being serious.”

“Okay...” I really didn't know what to say. He had been a huge jerk since the day I met him. But that was just Jackson. That’s how he was. Why he had the sudden urge to apologize to me, I had no idea. 

“Do you know what it’s like to be the best player on the team? To be the star, to have every single person at the game chanting your name? And then some kid just comes along, and everyone starts looking at him instead of you. Do you know what that feels like?”

I just blinked for a long moment, surprised by his sudden outburst. It was obvious that he was talking about Scott. He’d recently been named co-captain along with Jackson, effectively knocking him down a peg. The distaste he had for Scott wasn't subtle, but he’d never seemed remorseful about it until now. 

“No, I don't.” I admitted, not sure what else to say. 

“Well, it feels like something's been stolen from you. And then you start to feel like you’d do anything, anything in the world...” His eyes slowly trailed over my face as he spoke, and I shifted away a few inches. He was seriously being weird. “To get it back.”

“Haven’t you ever heard the saying there’s no I in team?” I quipped, trying to lighten the mood. I took a miniscule step away from him, hoping he wouldn't notice. He’d gotten way too close to me during that monologue. 

“But there is a me.” He barked, and my shoulders immediately stiffened. Then, he laughed. But it didn't exactly sound genuine. “That was a joke.”

I forced a chuckle, just wanting this weird conversation to be over. 

“Gosh,” One of his hands came up to rub at the back of his neck. “You must really hate me.”

“I don’t.” I reassured slowly. It was the truth. I may not particularly like the guy, but he was dating one of my best friends. He was mostly harmless and I could put up with him when I had to. 

“You sure? Because I’m not a bad guy.” His eyes danced around my face as he spoke, and he’d somehow gotten way too close again. “I mean, yeah. I make stupid mistakes. A lot. But I’m not bad.”

My lips twitched into what I hoped looked more like a smile than a grimace. I glanced down at my phone, praying that one of the girls would text me so I had an excuse to walk away.

“I really like you.” He said suddenly, and my eyes snapped back up to his. My breath caught in my throat. He likes me? He cannot like me. He’s dating Lydia. And I have...okay, no. I don't have anyone. But he still can’t like me. That is so many types of wrong. “And Scott. I really like you both. And I want you guys to like me.”

I relaxed slightly, but still felt majorly weirded out by this whole thing. I also noticed that he hadn't mentioned Stiles at all and wondered if he had ever even acknowledged his existence. I guess he was more aware of Scott because he saw him as competition, and he was dating his girlfriend’s best friend...but still. 

“I want to get to know you guys better.” I just nodded, hoping he was done talking. I’d never wanted to crawl out of my skin more than I did right now.  

I felt my phone vibrate with a notification and silently thanked the heavens. I lifted it up and tried to smile regretfully as I stepped around him. “This has been...nice. But I gotta go. I’ll, uh, see you later.”

I walked away briskly, feeling his eyes watch me the whole way. Once I turned the corner, I felt a shudder move through me. I was so put off by that whole conversation. Had he always been that weird? I remembered him being a charismatic asshole, not whatever that was. I tried my best to forget about it as I walked into the library and immediately found Allison and Lydia at a table. 

I sat down quickly, running a hand through my hair to collect myself. 

“Where have you been?” Lydia asked, and I paled. She had this glint in her eyes that said she somehow knew I had just been talking to her boyfriend.

“Uh...” I wracked my brain for a believable lie. “Just had to stop at my locker.”

“Whatever. Guys, listen.” Allison’s full attention was on a small book in her hands. “The Beast of Gévaudan was a quadruped wolf-like monster prowling the south of France in the years 1764 to 1767. La Bête killed over a hundred people, becoming so infamous that the King, Louis XV, sent one of his best hunters to try and kill it.”

“Boring.” Lydia sang, but Allison continued unfazed. 

“Even the church eventually declared the monster a messenger of Satan.” Her eyes lit up in excitement as she read.  

“Hmm,” Lydia hummed, pretending to think. “Still boring.”

“Cryptozoologists believe it may have been a subspecies of a predator—”

“Slipping into a coma bored.”

“While others believe it was a powerful sorcerer who could shapeshift into a man and a monster.” I stiffened at that, my breath catching in my throat. That sounded familiar. What were they even talking about?

“Does any of this have anything to do with your family?” Lydia pressed impatiently.

Her family?

Oh. 

Oh no.

“This. It is believed that La Bête was finally trapped and killed by a renowned hunter, who claimed his wife and four children were the first to fall prey to the creature. His name was Argent.” She looked up with a triumphant smile, and I cleared my throat while trying not to give anything away. 

Did she already know, and this was her way of telling us? Or was she just now starting to put the pieces together?

“So your family killed a big wolf...” Lydia drawled, clearly not understanding what she was trying to say. 

“Not just a big wolf.” Allison shook her head and turned the book around so that we could see inside. “Take a look at this picture. What does it look like to you?”

My heart nearly stopped beating in my chest. It was a werewolf, clear as day. And it looked just like the alpha. Same glowing red eyes. Same terrifying teeth and claws. Same black fur atop bulging muscles. Lydia’s face dropped at the sight, her lips parting and eyes going wide. I knew she was remembering what she saw outside the video store. But how much had Allison seen?

“Guys.” She huffed, her brows furrowing in concern. “Guys?”

“It looks...” Lydia trailed off before seeming to collect herself. “Like a big wolf. I’ll see you guys later.”

She stood abruptly, and we both watched her until she turned out of sight. My eyes found Allison again and she opened her mouth to say something right when the bell rang, signaling the end of the period. She began collecting her things with a frown, and I shook my head. 

I had more questions now than ever, but I couldn't just outright ask her. If she didn't already know, I’d be exposing not only her family’s secret, but Scott’s. She mumbled a quick goodbye and went on her way. I sighed and rubbed a hand down my face in frustration. I hate secrets. So much.

On my way out of the library, I stopped at a nearby table where Scott and Stiles had been eavesdropping the entire time, using books as covers. 

“You two aren't subtle.” I stuck around long enough to see their sheepish expressions before walking out the doors. 

                                                    -----------------

I pressed my head into my pillow with a sigh, trying to get comfortable. My luck hadn't changed when it came to sleeping. Aside from the one night that Stiles stayed over—which I have decided to never speak of—I’ve been plagued by bad dreams and visions. I’d been laying here for what must’ve been hours now, and I was no closer to sleep. 

There were so many things weighing on me, and I had a feeling they’d all be coming to a head soon. Like the alpha. What did it even want and why was it killing people? And Allison. I was feeling more and more guilty everyday for not telling her everything I know. Then there was Scott and Stiles, who were still keeping things from me, apparently. And Jackson. He was just...off. 

With a frustrated huff I turned over onto my other side, but froze when I felt hard ground beneath me. My bed wasn't hard. My eyes popped open and I bolted upright instantly. I wasn't in my bed anymore. My fingers flexed in the soft grass around me as I tried to get my bearings.

My heart pumped harshly in my chest while my eyes scanned my surroundings. I was sitting in front of the high school, in the grass. My brows furrowed and I shook my head. I had to be dreaming or something. I was literally just in my bed a few seconds ago.

I froze as the sound of growling echoed through the building behind me. It was so loud that the doors and windows were actually shaking. It went on for several seconds, then stopped. I huffed out a breath, more confused than ever. I squinted my eyes, waiting for them to adjust to the darkness of the night. I caught sight of Stiles’ jeep, along with another car, across the parking lot. 

Great. What had they gotten themselves into this time? What had I gotten myself into?

“I’m gonna kill both of you!” I nearly jumped out of my skin as a sudden voice boomed from the dark.

I turned to see Scott and Stiles walking casually out of the school, as if it were normal to be here after hours. Derek emerged from behind one of the cars, putting a face to the angry yelling. 

“What the hell was that? What, are you trying to attract the entire state to the school?” 

“Sorry.” Scott shrugged, not sounding the least bit genuine. “I didn't know it would be that loud.”

Okay, so the growl had come from him. That was honestly impressive. 

“Yeah, it was loud. And it was awesome!” Stiles sang, clearly excited by the whole thing. 

“Shut up.” Derek hissed before shoving his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket. 

“Don't be such a sour wolf.” Stiles chuckled and threw a hand up dismissively.

They were talking so casually, as if they were friends...

The last time I saw Stiles and Derek interact, he was terrified of him. What changed?

“Hey, what did you do with him?” Scott suddenly asked, his voice becoming serious. 

All three of them looked at Derek’s car, inspecting the back door which was sitting wide open. What, did they kidnap someone or something? He whirled back around to face the guys quickly. “I didn't do anything.”

Then, without warning, a spine-chilling growl sounded from behind Derek. I just barely had enough time to see a pair of glowing red eyes before he was lifted into the air. A fountain of blood spilled from his mouth and I covered my own with a harsh gasp. It was hard to see in the low lighting, but I’d bet all my allowance money that the alpha was the cause. 

Scott and Stiles instantly bolted from the scene, running at full speed toward the school. I was still frozen in place, fear paralyzing me. Just before ripping the doors open, Stiles’ head jerked in my direction as he noticed me sitting there. 

“Y/N?” He was beside me in the blink of an eye, wrapping a hand around my bicep. “What the hell are you doing?”

“I...I don't...” I stammered, watching as the alpha threw Derek against a wall and stalked toward us slowly. 

Stiles dragged me to my feet painfully fast, and I had no choice but to run with him as he sprinted to the school. We ran through the door that Scott was holding open for us, Stiles releasing me so he could help hold one of them closed. 

“What the hell are you doing here?!” He yelled at me, his chest rising and falling with each quick pant he let out.

Both his and Scott’s backs were pressed against the metal doors, keeping them closed with their weight. It was a good idea in theory, although it would never hold up if the alpha decided it wanted to come in. They looked at me expectantly and I realized I hadn't responded yet. 

“I could ask you the same thing.” I wrapped my arms around myself, suddenly cold now that some of the adrenaline was wearing off. I really needed to start sleeping in more than a t-shirt and shorts, seeing as this was becoming a habit of mine. 

“No, not gonna work this time.” Stiles shook his head angrily. “This is so not okay. You can’t be here.”

“Seriously, Y/N. What, did you follow us?” Scott added, his tone sharp. 

Okay, they needed to chill the fuck out. It wasn't like I meant to crash their weird after hours meeting with Derek. 

“By the looks of it, you shouldn't be either.” I huffed, my annoyance at an all time high at continuously being kept in the dark. “Since when are you guys talking to Derek? And coming here at night? What are you even doing?”

“Not important.” Stiles glared at me before turning to peer out one of the windows in the door. 

“Very important!” I raised my voice as anger shot through me at his dismissal. “You two better start telling me everything you’ve been hiding. Right now. Or, I swear, I’ll—”

“This is not the time!” Scott interrupted, suddenly panicking. I’d nearly forgotten that we were hiding from the alpha. “We need to lock the doors.”

“Do I look like I have a key?” Stiles barked, voice rising with his own anxiety. 

All I could do was watch as they started bickering. 

“Grab something!” 

“What?”

“Anything!” 

Stiles suddenly stopped fidgeting and lifted his head to look out the window again. Scott stood from his hunched position and did the same, before whipping his attention back toward our spaz of a friend. 

“No.” He breathed, seemingly understanding what Stiles wanted to do.

“Yes.” He shoved a flashlight that I hadn't even realized he was holding into Scott’s chest and popped open one of the doors. My eyes widened as I realized what he was going to do. 

“No! Stiles, don't!” Scott whisper-shouted, but Stiles didn't even hesitate as he squeezed out the door. 

I instantly ran to the place he had just been standing in so I could look out the window. My gaze landed on a pair of plyers laying on the ground. 

“Is he crazy?” I whispered, my heart hammering painfully in my chest. Those were so not worth his life.

Scott and I watched with baited breath as he jogged down the concrete steps. He had barely touched the plyers when the alpha suddenly emerged from behind the Jeep. Scott instantly started pounding on the doors and calling Stiles’ name to get his attention. He looked at us, kneeling on one knee, and swallowed slowly. 

He turned back around, and must’ve seen the alpha barreling toward him, because a second later he was back inside. We slammed the doors shut, and Stiles jammed the plyers between the handles. A moment of tense silence passed, the only sound our ragged breathing. 

We all shared a wide-eyed look, knowing we were in for a long night.

Episode 5, Part Two              Episode 7, Part One

[duskyskz]

- Erasure - 1

Hwang Hyunjin x Female Reader

With washed out, dyed pastel hair, sea salt and acrylic clinging to his jeans, Hwang Hyunjin expected to find himself many places that night. A jail holding cell. Under the abandoned train station bridge. Maybe even his own bedroom.

Your living room wasn't on the list.

Warnings - Some angst in later chapters, suggestive/smut, minor character death mentions, Hyunjin is an eboy and a little angsty, Changbin is doing his best as a big brother, slow burn (?)

A/N - Finally! Sorry for the delays, my head just hasn’t been with me this week;; I hope you enjoy this series as much as I am excited to write it. 

***

The steady buzzing of your speakers fills the living room as you watched Changbin scroll through the Netflix home page. Both of you settle deep into the sofa, balancing a bowl of popcorn and chocolate between your knees. 

“Endgame? Homecoming, Nightmare on Elm Street?” Binnie flicks through the suggestions, and you shake your head in distaste. “I'm not watching that octopus documentary again!”

“You only hated it because you cried at the end.”

“She died! He had to look after her little babies! Your heart is too cold, too far gone for that level of compassion.” The last part of your brother's grumbles are cut off when you throw a burnt kernel at his forehead, barely missing his ear. 

There’s nobody else home. Nobody else ever comes home, either. It's been just you and Changbin for a while, and it's not all that terrible. He’s a few years older than you, having graduated last summer and now undertaking an apprenticeship at the village police station. It doesn't pay a stellar amount, but Changbin reassures you once he passes the trainee exams he’ll treat you to a new pair of winter boots and you can finally quit the ice cream parlour to focus on college. You tell him that even if he wins the lottery tomorrow, you'll work your own job. For all the support your elder brother gives you, you like having your own thing. It makes you feel a little more involved, a little more even than jsit washing the dishes and doing his laundry on days he’s too tired to move. 

The Thursday evening is reserved for you both, to catch up on the hours together you miss during the week when Changbin doesn't get back till you're fast asleep and you don't have the chance to say good morning. 

He’s been doing that a lot more recently. 

Sighing into his coffee, shaking his head at nobody in particular. It's easy to notice the signs of stress and overwork in his face, sunken and tired even on the weekends when he finishes early. 

“Do you wanna finish Teen Wolf?” The softness in his voice when he addresses you is the same, though. “We have three episodes left of this season, if you wanna binge.”

“Sure.” You want to ask him about the circles under his eyes. What’s got him coming home later and later because nothing ever happens in this town. “I'm still waiting on Derek’s redemption arc.”

You're twenty minutes into the episode when a vibration from your coffee table catches your attention. You glance at Changbin, but he ignores his ringtone, flipping it to silent.

It rings again, no music, but harsh vibrations drumming against the polished wood. 

And again.

Knowing he’s not picking up to make a point of it, you pause the show, nodding at the mobile he’s avoiding glancing at. “Go on. Pick up, it might be an emergency.��

“If it's an emergency they don't need an intern there.” Despite his words, Changbin shifts his position and you know he’s growing hesitant. 

“If it's an emergency all the more reason for you to be there and learn.” You state with more force behind your tone. “Why have your grades been dropping? You're coming home so late but your exams keep getting delayed -”

“My grades are fine!” Changbin never snaps at you, but the frustration in his voice is evident. “I'm fine. There's just - Just one case we're working on and I'm nearly there, I just need time.”

You shut your mouth, letting him speak.

“There’s this kid who keeps tagging the beach houses on Dawning Lane, and that shit  was expensive to put up last year. Some stupid, bored child that thinks a few cans of spraypaint and lung cancer are a good excuse for your adolescence. He’s not even that good… Just scribbles.”

His lips pout in a frustrated whine at the last phrase, and you know he’s more frustrated at the situation than he is at you or himself.

A beat of silence, interrupted by another ringtone - you almost reach for it yourself to check the caller ID and force him to pick up, before Changbin’s arm shoots out past you to snatch the device, slinking out the door and into the hallway. 

You aren't surprised when a few moments later, your brother’s head pokes nervously out the door frame - He's already got his coat on, waving his phone at you as an awkward goodbye. 

“I’ll see you in the morning, y/n.”

“Yeah, see ya.” You salute back, smiling to ease the tension in his shoulders, and it works a minimum. You won’t see him till the late evening at best.

The door clicks shut as soon as he turns around, leaving you surrounded by popcorn and empty space. You really aren't surprised - but it'd be pointless to deny you weren't hurt by another night alone with Teen Wolf playing idly through your TV speakers. Cold popcorn only did so much to soothe your heart, and the distance wedging itself recently between your sibling bond was hard to brush over, between missed calls and texts too often left unanswered. 

You just really miss your big brother.

 You commit yourself to Stiles Stilinsky instead, sighing into the blanket around your shoulders. Autumn rolls in quick by the seaside, making your calves prickle with goosebumps. It's nearing 11pm, you realise, picking up the -

Thump!

Your fingers freeze, hovering over the TV remote. Changbin wouldn’t be back yet, he never comes home the same night he leaves. 

“Bin?” You try it anyway, calling tentatively into the hallway. It’s still entirely black, void of disruption.

Clang!

That definitely came from your kitchen.

Armed with a half empty popcorn bowl and nerves of steel, you tiptoe into the other room. There’s a lump of something or someone crouched behind the dining table, and your grip around the glass dish tightens marginally despite the quivering of your knees, fumbling for the lightswitch without taking your eyes off the rising dark mass as it straightens its back. 

“S-Stay down! I have corn and I know how to use it!” You don’t have a fully formed plan yet, but you’re sure the sharp kernels will be of some importance. Fluorescent white light floods the kitchen, momentarily blinding both you and the intruder who now stands at full height. A steady 12 inches above you. 

“Ouch! Calm down, I’m not going to rob you!” He says, sounding almost exasperated at your defense of your own property. He still has his hands raised in defense, keeping the table between himself and you, and you’re grateful he hasn’t tried to knock your legs out from under you, yet. “I’m not here to steal your stuff.”

“What are you here for, then?” You lower the popcorn bowl, but don’t let it fall out of your grasp. He doesn’t seem dangerous - He doesn’t seem like he could manage clambering through the window you always leave ajar either, but here he clearly is. There’s something sticky and pink in his blonde hair, stains following down his shoulder blades all the way down the cuffs of his jeans. If anything, he looks...a little lost.

“It’s the address on the post-it note.” Your confusion must have been plainly obvious, because the boy elaborates, pulling a crumpled neon-green paper from his jacket. “The post-it note that man gave me. That’s what Changbin gave me.”

Perhaps you lack self preservation instincts, but there’s an uncertain vibration in his voice that makes you give up your weapon and attitude. 

“You know my brother?” 

“He told me if I really need to go somewhere, I can come here.” You watch slim fingers tug at the sleeves of his jacket as he measures with a weight akin to a glare. “He didn’t tell me it was his house, or that somebody else was living here.” 

Bold of him to accuse you of ruining his night plans. 

It really did only click in your head when you looked closer at his tangled hair, dried paint clumping it together at the ends of bleached blonde strands. The  artistic menace haunting your sea-side town was standing right on your tiled kitchen floor, and he looked downright miserable. 

And Changbin had invited him. 

Biting down the discomfort at realising how little Changbin had been telling you recently,  you set the popcorn down on the table, you take in the threat currently three feet before you. A tall, lanky boy, with odd shoelaces and a sharpie sticking out of his trouser pocket. His hair hasn’t been cut in a while, and probably brushed either - it’d be generous to say he ran more than a stressed hand through it anytime recently. Though chapped, his full lips and wide eyes made him look far too innocent for his own good, and you blamed your soft heart for finding the boy kinda cute. 

He did have a leaf stuck above his ear, though. 

You almost reached up to remove it.

“Do you wanna watch Teen Wolf?”  You break the quiet that settled, already shuffling your feet out into the living room. You sincerely hoped he’d follow. You weren’t sure what you could do apart from leaving him standing on cold tile, and he already looked freezing from the night chill. 

Luckily for you, with a hesitant step, your impromptu companion takes after you to the couch where your Netflix and remove still await instruction. Changbin might grumble at you tomorrow at finishing the season without him, but you needed something to lure the boy into comfort. 

“I’m y/n, by the way.” You mention. The boy sits stiffly, clasping his hands in his lap with parted lips, avoiding the decorative pillows. 

“Hyunjin.” Now that he’s actually inside your house, Hyunjin’s confidence seems to have evaporated. The thrill of the break-in, if you can even call is that, has worn off, giving way to the nerves. He’s suddenly too conscious of the paint on his clothes, of sandy shoes still on his feet, of the smudges still on his cheeks. Should he take his jacket off? Or wipe his shoes? 

You press resume, watching him relax after a few minutes as his brain finally has something else to focus on to let his worries ease. Hyunjin doesn't seem to mind you already being halfway through the episode, and you let yourself admit it’s nice having someone around this late at night. 

“How do you know Changbin?” You ask while the topic is still fresh.

“I don’t.” Hyunjin bumps his knees together, fiddling with a loose string on his jeans as he shrugs. “I don’t really know him, he just...saw me around a few times, and I guess he figured I could use a place to crash. So he gave me your address.”

“You’re the mystery kid painting the beach houses, right? On Dawning Lane.” 

At the accusation, Hyunjin’s lips part, flipping to face you with wide, blinking eyes., knowing he’s in no place to try and deny it. You blink back, observing his reactions, in case he suddenly changes his mind about staying. “Are you gonna turn me in?...” 

“No.” You shake your head after a moment of thought, and he visibly untenses. “For whatever reason Changbin didn’t, so I won’t either. If he trusts you then I do too.” 

You’ll never know if it was the murmurs of the TV, or if Hyunjin did whisper a thank you, and you won’t ask. There’s a lot of things you do want to ask, but a tug in your heart tells you now is not the time. Hyunjin looks exhausted, eyes drooping with every slow blink as he does his best to focus on the screen, hands previously tugging at his jeans now still and flat on his lap, slouched forward as if any moment he’ll drift off sitting on your pillows. Flurries of fluorescent light flicker on his cheeks, over barely scrubbed paint smudges and faint cuts from running too fast, you guess. In the delicate, dimmed light of your floor lamp, it’s hard to imagine Hyunjin as a bad kid. Prickly, maybe. On edge is a better word for it, tension clinging to his shoulders like stubborn dust bunnies. Curse your naive little heart, you tell yourself, building up your courage to speak.

“Hyunjin?” He hums in response, straightening his back. “Do you want to sleep here tonight?”

All you’ve been taught in life sent alarm bells through your skull when you asked a complete stranger (who just two hours ago, broke in through your kitchen window) to sleep in your living room overnight, but Hyunjin didn’t feel  like a stranger. Changbin trusted him enough to lead him right to your house, so that must count for something, right? And no matter how much you tried to keep your guard up around the boy, watching him struggle to stay upright instead of letting his tall, lanky body fall backward and rest comfortably only made you worry a little about him, not the other way around. 

Well, he did say he’s not going to rob you. 

“You can sleep on the couch if you want, I’ll bring you some blankets.” You prompt him again when he doesn’t respond. “Changbin won’t be back for a while still.” 

“Are you sure you’re okay with that?” There’s a lilt of doubt in his voice, but he sincerely hopes you’re serious. This couch is warmer than anything he’s slept on in months and he really doesn’t want to crawl outside again with the rain pattering against your roof. 

“Sure, you haven’t tried to stab me yet.” You shrug, getting up to fetch a duvet and looking him over.

“Ah, you probably want to wash your hair from all...that,” Hyunjin’s hand flies to his hair, patting out the tangles as if it’s the first time he’s noticed them. “You can use the bathroom upstairs, there’s towels by the shower already.”

He nods, following your directions with a ‘thank you’. Once his footsteps disappear up the landing, you set about pulling out the couch into a flatbed, rearranging the pillows at its base. Lugging the duvet down from Changbin’s room had been a feat, but you’re determined to make the space welcoming. Satisfied with the cushioned bundle you created, you run back upstairs. 

You invade your brother’s room for the second time that day, tugging open his drawers in search for something acceptably pijama-like. 

“Hyunjin?” You knock tentatively on the bathroom door as the shower head turns off and the shuffling ceases. “I’m leaving some clothes for you to change into outside, okay? Come downstairs when you’re ready.”

You scroll through your timeline as you wait, catching up on the last few hours’ events from your friends until a shuffling to your left prompts you to raise your head. 

Your brother’s sweats hang a little loosely around Hyunjin’s hips, ending just above his ankles, bare feet sliding over the wooden floor of your living room, sinking into the rug as he steps closer to where you sit. His own clothing cradled in his arms close to his chest, you can’t stop your thoughts drifting momentarily to the damp mess of sunshine coloured hair. With his jacket on earlier, it was hard to make out his build under layers of fabric, but now it’s proving a challenge to not focus on the lines of his arms or the curves of his large hands gripping his clothes. Luckily for your dignity, your nerves of steel allow you to drag your gaze away from the collarbones peeking out from under thin white cotton higher to meet his eyes instead and find your voice again.

“I brought down some pillows for you, these are a bit too hard to sleep on.” You note, pointing to the decorative cushions you moved onto the lounge chair. “My room is right opposite the bathroom if you need anything, I’m a light sleeper.” 

“M’okay.” Hyunjin towers above you, yet you’ve never seen a boy so dainty. There really is no other way to describe the delicate line of his nose bridge or the rosy tint of his lips when his tongue pokes out to lick them as he mulls over your words, settling down on the makeshift bed. 

The proximity now feels different than the air between you when Teen Wolf still blared through your speakers, warm quiet heavy on your tongue with dim golden glow tumbling over his cheekbones that’s too much for your heart to take unprepared.

“Goodnight then!” You bounce up from the couch waving Hyunjin a quick goodbye, but a soft hand wrapping around your wrist pauses you. 

“Wait,” Hyunjin brushes his thumb over your palm softly, and you hope he doesn't notice the goosebumps on your skin at the contact. “Thanks for not kicking me out...or calling the police. Y’know, as most people would for a break in.” 

The smile he flashes you is almost teasing, but you can tell he means the words sincerely. You lay your other hand on top of his, patting in what you hope is a reassuring motion.

“Sure, Jinnie. It’s okay.”

[nellie-elizabeth]

Grey's Anatomy: My Shot (16x08)

Oh, Grey's Anatomy. You wouldn't be you if you didn't have manufactured coincidences popping up around every corner. I loved this episode, for the most part! Let's take a look.

Cons:

So, the thing about doing a medical drama/soap opera is that a lot of really unrealistic stuff has to happen in order to keep the drama quotient up. The characters in this show have been through more trauma than is remotely realistic for any group of people, and over the sixteen seasons of this show, every single character has done stuff that's super illegal and messed up and bad. When you have an episode like this, where Meredith's past gets dredged up, you're forced to realize how completely improbable it is that Meredith would still be allowed to practice medicine in the first place. Or frankly, how Richard and Alex would be allowed to continue, what with committing assault, breaking the law, the list goes on. And that's fine, it doesn't matter most of the time on this show. But when a spotlight is shone on all of the things that have happened over the years, it starts to feel a bit more shark-jumpy than I'm comfortable with.

Also, I can take some cheesiness, but all the patients rushing in to testify for Meredith, and the letter from Cristina, and letters from Addison, Callie, Arizona, April... come on. That's a little much, don't you think? I wanted this to be more grounded in reality. Meredith probably should be taken to task for a lot of what she's done. There could have been a better balance there, with some of her bad behavior actually being condemned. I think they tried to do that with Bailey, but for me it didn't quite stick the landing.

Also Jackson and Maggie - ugh. Please stoppppp. Maggie is really upset after killing her cousin, and Jackson is there to comfort her. I didn't strictly hate this at first, and thought maybe they were going for an easing of the tension, like the two of them could be friendly with each other and stop resenting one another so much. And then Jackson leans in for a kiss, stops himself, and Maggie kicks him out. She tells Meredith: "I hate someone I used to love... I don't want to see or speak to him ever again." That line, about hating someone she used to love, is actually really powerful, and if Jackson and Maggie weren't such a stupid train-wreck, I might really have liked it. But - but why? Why does she hate him? What did he do that was so awful? They had a somewhat crappy relationship and Maggie felt like Jackson didn't respect her, and it fell apart. But Maggie's anger feels misplaced, somehow. I was so happy last week to have a story that was about Maggie that didn't annoy me, since she's become so irritating over the years. And now here, it has to be about Jackson again, doesn't it? Those two were the worst things to ever happen to each other on this show.

Pros:

In perhaps a direct contradiction to what I said above, it was a bit fun to look back over the years and remember all the crazy crap that Meredith has done. Obviously a lot of the context has been stripped away, but the fact remains, she's done a lot of messed up stuff! This episode brings up ancient (yet legendary) history like the LVAD wire, stuff like the Alzheimer's trial, a patient Meredith had on her first day as a doctor, and more recent stuff like Alex assaulting Andrew, and Schmitt being the one to turn Meredith in to Bailey. I'm a sucker for longevity. I like sinking in to a story for a long, long time, and it's cool to do an episode like this where you can actually pull footage from back when George W. Bush was still POTUS and examine a character's life through so many years.

Koracick has a brief role in this episode, and we can mark this as a good appearance for him. They trashed his character early in the season in an attempt to get us on board with Owen/Teddy, but they seem to be softening that approach and rehabilitating him a bit here. He's still a cocky bastard a lot of the time, but when Amelia tells him she needs his help, he immediately agrees, and does everything he can to help the patient. I really love him and hope he gets the happiness he deserves.

And Amelia and Link also have a brief moment, where we see their relationship continue to develop and strengthen. Amelia is worried she might kill the doctor who killed Derek, which is why she lets Koracick do it. That's a sign of maturity and strength from Amelia, her ability to step away and let someone else perform the surgery. And when that man dies on the table, she can be confident that she wasn't to blame. Link comforts her through the confusion of the situation, and it's just another brick in the foundation of trust they are building between them.

I like the DeLuca/Meredith drama, actually. There's this moment when Meredith yells at the doctor who killed Derek, calling Derek "the love of her life," and I immediately thought... oh no. Are we going to do the whole drama thing where DeLuca decides he can't compete with Derek's memory or whatever? But instead, they go for something slightly different. Basically, DeLuca knows he's never going to replace Derek. But he wanted to work towards something, to be Meredith's partner in a real way. He's realizing now that he doesn't have Meredith's respect, that she doesn't view him as an equal, and he worries she never will. He basically breaks up with her, but frames it as giving her a chance to think things over. I like Andrew a lot. I like Andrew and Meredith together, I think it's genuinely interesting. It's not as intense as Meredith and Derek, but the show has done a smart thing by not trying to make it like that. I'm on board for whatever comes next for them, as I think a break-up plot thread with these two might actually be interesting, whether or not they end up together in the end.

The Bailey/Richard dynamic as explored in this episode was really intriguing to me. I was complaining a few weeks ago about Bailey's over-sized reaction to what Meredith did, but here we get more of an explanation. Not only does she feel betrayed by someone that she raised to be a doctor, but she feels betrayed by Richard as well, and feels jealous of the way he will bend the rules for Meredith. We even find out that Meredith didn't originally match with the hospital, and that Richard made a call to make it happen all those years ago. That's such an interesting "sliding doors" moment!  Richard then flips the narrative on Bailey, however, saying that Meredith is family and he'd trust her to back him up the same way he backed her up. He says he feels the same way about Bailey, or he did, before Bailey turned her back on them for their actions.

It's not even necessarily a cruel moment from Richard - he's saying it because he knows now what Bailey is feeling, and he knows how to get underneath that feeling, to an even bigger truth. And it works - Bailey goes back in to the hearing and says that while Meredith Grey is a pain in the ass and deserved consequences for her actions, she's also a fine surgeon and doesn't deserve to lose her medical license. Who knows whether or not that was the tipping point, but at the end of the day, Meredith wins and she's still a doctor!

It was interesting to bring in the doctor whose negligence resulted in Derek's death. Frankly, I vacillated about which section of this review to put my discussion of this in, because I can't quite decide how to feel about it. The whole point here is that Meredith is unconventional, but ultimately very good at her job. She saves lives. It's interesting to contrast that with this man who hasn't broken any rules, but who killed someone. He's not only allowed to remain a doctor, he's allowed to vote on Meredith's fitness to remain a doctor. This is so manifestly unfair that it's clear to the viewer that Meredith is in the right. But this man's presence, and then later the influx of testimonials from patients and fellow doctors, overshadows Meredith's crime. It's interesting in that I wonder if there will be lasting consequences - will she be under heavier scrutiny when it comes to pro bono cases, or will this be the one thing the finally tarnishes her reputation? I'm excited to find out.

Schmitt has the setup for a future plot thread here, as he confesses to being the one to turn Meredith in, unwittingly. As his fellow interns find out, he watches as they lose respect for him, especially Helm. This could be so cool. As I said, it's not as if Meredith doesn't deserve some sort of consequence for her bad behavior. And what was Schmitt supposed to do, just trust on blind faith that this wasn't a mistake, that Meredith had done it on purpose? Was he supposed to put his career on the line for her? That's an unreasonable expectation, and I hope he stands up for himself, with the support of his boyfriend. It's time to start giving some of these characters more screen-time.

That's it! Another long review, for a pretty solid episode. I think next week is the mid-season finale!

8/10

[bi-lullaby]

Meredith vs People

Alternative titles: “My other post in a similar format got slightly popular and I crave attention” and “I’m still hung up on the one time Owen called Mer “the only universally liked individual in the hospital” because she is my fave”

Meredith x Cristina

Once called “the true lovestory of the show” I think it’s one of the kost refreshing relationships between characters I’ve ever seen in my, admittedly not that long, experience with fandom. The love and support each other wildly and publicly, straight up say to others how their person is important and a thing to prioritize. It’s so... Amazing to watch their deep, soulmate-like bond develop. I also love them from a narrative standpoint: How they started out as ambitious, driven people with complicated relationships with intimacy who saw surgery as the end all be all goal, and how they’re allowed to grow apart from that slightly, acquire other goals and relationships and projects (Meredith) or continue on that path, prioritizing their career and success solely/mostly (Cristina) and how both are treated as valid, rewarding choices (Mer with her happiness at family life and her Harper Avery, and Cristina with her bomb-ass hospital and the resolution of her personal relationships). They’re two characters that took on distinct journeys, but whose paths to personal fulfillment are deeply intertwined to each other.

Meredith x Alex

Okay, this is my favorite friendship ever. If Izzie showed Alex that his “evil spawn” ways weren’t exactly preferable nor they made him better than anyone or immune to pain, Meredith stuck out her hand for him and said “you’re dark and twisty? Cool. Doesn’t mean you can’t find, and fight for, happiness. Lets be dark and twisty together while we figure this out.” They relate to each other in a fascinating way, both children of neglect (to varying degrees) who worked their way to the top with a lot of bumps in the way. Also, seeing as I’m Mer’s number one stan, I also love their relationship because Alex is so amazing to her. Even Cristina had her moments of “mommy tracking” her, or even putting her aside in favor of a relationship, while Alex sticks by her side like glue and puts her above almost everything (which, I’m not saying a friendship is less valid if it’s not the most important thing in the world to you, of course not. I’m saying that everyone has a favorite person in the world, and the fact Mer is someone’s, makes that someone (Alex) even better in my eyes). Meredith sticks by the people she cares about’s sides through whatever they’re going through, in whatever way she can, and I find that that is surprisingly not-reciprocal in some instances, so it’s good she has her own ride-or-die. It’s also comic to me that two of the most sexually active, sex-driven characters in the show have never had an indication of sexual tension between them. (Almost like men and women can be friends, shocking!). The show’s not complete without Merlex, that’s for sure!

Meredith x Lexie

BRB, will be crying about the softest sisters ever, who deserved a much more fleshed-out relationship! To this day, all my (unpublished) Grey’s fanfiction involve “Lexie is actually alive” because it was such a traumatic loss to Meredith (that was under explored, imo, even if the little mentions of it through the show are heartwarming AND breaking). I loved that they made Mer push her way at first, because it showed her deep resentment of her own life, of not getting the doting father and the protective mother and the “growing up with siblings” and then having someone who had all that come and throw at her face the word “sisters” like they shared anything but DNA at that point... I think my two favorite examples of “family is about choice, not blood” examples of this show are their relationship and how it got deep through knowing each other (Meredith donates a piece of her liver to their father because of Lexie, but doesn’t remember Molly’s name in the same ep because Molly has not actively been her sister) and another one I’ll talk about later. And the contrast between Lexie’s own sadness from suddenly being left with basically no family (alcoholic father, dead mother,stranded older dister and far-away younger sister, all things I feel like people don’t consider enough to understand Lexie has also suffered) and her fight to get that family back was just so amazing. In a way, Lexie was Meredith’s Izzie, not only by being cuddly and fuzzy and nurturing but by having a “I deserve better than you being an asshole so I’ll make you less of an asshole or so help me god” attitude. Mer got softer for lexie and I think that’s beautiful.

Meredith x Amelia

Yeah, that’s my other “favorite family is not by blood, it’s by choice” ark. That clear-contrast scene of Amelia coming from her “sisters” meetup, emotionally drained after having to endure their toxic, demeaning, vicious attacks, and into her sisters, who are earning to hear what she has to say, who empathize with her and support her... I ate that shit UP, let me tell you. Because Mer was such a huge bitch to Amy at first, but came to love her after allowing herself to truly get to know her (which is the opposite story with Nancy and Lizzie and Kate, who all refuse to get to know her past the version that they despise). I also love that Derek was kind of a barrier between them, because he had his own views of Amy that influenced Mer and when he was gone, she had to face a... quite different reality. I see a lot of people shitting on Mer for the “You’re not my sister, Cristina is my sister. You’re Derek’s sister and Derek is dead” line, and I can see why, it was rude, but... That’s Meredith’s whole instance on family? Yeah, Amy was sweet and I’d bet she was mer’s favorite “Shepherdress” out of the four woman (she had stood up to her before, against Derek, nonetheless), and it breaks my heart that Amy saw her as “the only sister she could relate to” (seriously I was sobbing) but... Sister? That’s a personal, intimate title she reserved very, very few people in her life, and Amy has earned that right with a lot more patience and care than most people put into relationships. Of course she was more loyal to Cristina than to Amy at that point (who herself was more loyal to Addison than to her own siblings, hence she didn’t tell Derek about the affair, for example). But then? She literally tells Megan she can’t possibly choose which one of Owen’s wives she likes more, and need I remind you the other one is Cristina herself? (who she called “her soulmate” over Derek?. They’re two example of women who’ve gone through tremendous trauma and pain and came out changed from it, and the fact they have each other for support now makes me very, very happy. I do wish they had more scenes together, but the ones they do share are enough for me to say their relationship is a gift for this show.

Meredith x Maggie

So pure! I like that they meet up when they’re both older and more experienced and have kind of “set” personalities, that clash sometimes, but also can add up into beautiful things when combined. It was... slightly frustrating to see Mer push away yet another person at first, but watching them get closer was also sweet. I hate the comparisons between their relationship and Merlexie’s (and the comparisons between Maggie and Lexie/Cristina/April like she’s just a stand-in for them). They were different moments of all their lives. Mer and Lexie? Inexperienced 20-something women going though shit trying to find their place in the world, when Mer was still in her dark and twisties and needed to be cajoled into giving Lexie even an inch. Mer and Maggie? Well-established women in their late thirties whose relationship wasn’t built on a need for each other, but in working together for the sisterhood they wanted. I love that it was Maggie that had to get to know Meredith and be persuaded into liking her, actually. And look where they are now! They have such a comfortable, intimate relationship that’s based on love and mutual respect! I love Maggie’s small fangirl moment when Mer pulls that amazing straw-in-the-skull stunt in the airplane and Maggie’s filming the interview (although I hated what came afterwards. C’mon Maggie, fighting over a boy? Really?). It’s also good to see how Meredith helps Maggie navigate her first real trauma (loosing her mother) and how her pain has build her up and actually helps others! It’s an excellent stance of character development that remains true to the character. Their little interaction when Mer’s creating her little dream-induced invention and Maggie looks at the board once and understands it, helping her figure it all out, is so cute and nice! They’re sweet and good for each other, and I’ll protect this relationship forever!

Meredith and Jo

“You’re Jo Wilson, I know exactly who you are!” makes me weak. Because it’s such a powerful, important phrase, but also such... A Mer thing to say. At the end of the day, Mer loves people and takes them under her wing and empathizes with them. She becomes Jo’s support system and doesn’t let go. I love how she’s the one to stand by her side and protect her from Paul, and I love how she’s the one in the more recent episode to manage to get Jo to open up, to get up and get help. They’re almost mirrors, Jo with Mer’s headstrongness and emotional baggage, barging in and taking the world by storm, with Mer being Jo’s Bailey in a way, with a lot of crankiness and a slight superiority complex but lots of wisdom and care, looking at her go with a smirk like “that girl will go far but she’ll need a couple wrist slaps on the way”. Mer was extremely important in Alex’s life, she became extremely important in Jo’s life, and that’s beautiful and sweet. Also, their “shared custody” of Alex is hilarious.

Meredith x Callie

How could we have guessed that two people that initially were at each others throats constantly would be so close one day? They are absurdly different, and yet so close! The way they support each other’s journeys as mothers, wives and surgeons is a great thing to see. And they have such iconic moments, like the panties in the bulletin board, the trial, and the little kiss!

Meredith x Mark

I’m not gonna lie, I shipped those two very briefly but very intensely when they first met! Then they evolved into a rather sweet friendship. I love to think Mer tells Sofia all sorts of stories she heard through Derek in those first years. When she told Callie that Mark used to call her (not Derek, not Addison, not Derek’s mom, not Bailey, her!) whenever he needed advice or had a crisis in the middle of the night, I teared up a little, because that’s such a huge step from who they began as! From loner and relationship-phobic insecure to parents with loving relationships who could count on each other! My favorite dirty mistresses ever!

And there’s so much more! Meredith and Bailey and how they both grew so much, Meredith and Arizona and how their relationship is underrate, Meredith and Jackson’s sibling-esque relationship, Meredith and April... “I used to think you could only have one person, but now I know. Turns out I have a whole damn village!”.

[tepkunset]

What kind of television shows do you like?

Saturday and/or Sunday night my mother and I often sit down and watch something together, a movie or show, it’s a thing. Right now we started this old show my aunt lent to us called Six Feet Under. It’s… definitely not what I’d call my usual taste and wouldn’t be watching it if not for my mother’s interest in it, but it’s fine so far I guess. I have a hard time not involuntarily putting my work hat on like “excuse me, why is the door open when they are moving the body onto the cart? Why was the door open in the first place when the person is deceased inside? Where the fuck is the dove sign?”

I like superhero shows, unsurprisingly. But I pity anyone who watches them with me because boy can bitch about’em when they’re Not Good and rave about’em when they’re Very Good.I’m also totally not ashamed to say that I still enjoy animated superhero shows. A lot of them are cute and well done or have that nostalgia factor. 🤷‍♀️ The Guardians of the Galaxy cartoon for example is an adorable and pretty well put together mix between the films and the comics, it’s quite entertaining. Also Star-Lord is Ron Stoppable and it makes me feel like a kid again.

I most recently finished The Umbrella Academy and really enjoyed it; my only complaint is the shit with Luther and Alison. Eugh.

I used to watch The Walking Dead but Glenn’s death was the last straw despite truly loosing interest like at least two seasons before. I told myself I’d still watch Fear The Walking Dead as long as Travis was alive and what’d'y'know they killed him the first episode that season. 

I used to watch Supernatural but stopped shortly after Kevin’s death, though again, really lost interest long before that. Honestly if anyone wants to watch that show my recommendation would be to watch seasons 1-5 and then stop. I truly did mostly enjoy seasons 1-5, but then it’s easy to tell they didn’t really know what to do after that. Though I hear eventually they find a new actual plot.

I saw the first three seasons of Teen Wolf and thought they were pretty entertaining. TBH one of the biggest reasons I stopped watching that show is because the fandom. Which honestly I can’t remember ever happening to me on another occasion with a show. I got really, really tired of everyone acting like Stiles and Derek were the main characters instead of Scott. Gee I wonder why.

I saw the first two seasons of Shadowhunters. Way better than the books. (Unless they improve later I guess, but somehow I doubt it. I slogged through the first three and couldn’t bring myself to push through the forth one.)

I got the first season of The 100 on DVD quite some time ago and thought it was interesting enough. Might pick that back up at some point. 

I want to watch Into The Badlands someday.

After I finish the book I plan on... acquiring... the Good Omens show.

And then there are some half hour shows that I watch just on occasion but not like, following an actual plot. But yeah, not really counting them.

[rosesutherlandwrites]

I Miserabili (1964)--episode one

Holy crap. I am so glad I’m watching this (and  a huge shout out to @adorablecrab for helping me make it happen with my incredibly awful tech skills) Especially after watching episode one of....erm...certain other adaptations really recently. This is SO MUCH BETTER! I tried to (kinda sorta) live tweet my way through so I’d have at least a record of what i thought, but i made a bit of a hash of it. But here is some kind of order of thoughts on the first episode (there are ten in total so hooray i have something to keep busy with for a while):

Even before getting into the adaptation part of things, this is making my occasional filmmaker heart happy. It’s just SUCH GOOD FILMMAKING. The pacing is amazing, the lead actors are KILLING IT, and even the things that are a little weird from todays perspective are interesting (no incidental music at all! Nothing trying to manipulate your feelings, everything you get is JUST THE STORY and i am telling you, i choked up bad for Fantine.) or weirdly entertaining (sudden changes of location without a transition, the non existent special effects in the Cart Incident ).

They definitely didn’t start with waterloo. But I was also surprised that they didn’t go to Toulon either? But it was really smart(and also from a budget perspective saved a ton of money) to start in the village of Digne, which has the sort of silently suspicious inhabitants that wouldn’t be out of place in a transylvanian village downhill of a vampire castle. All the key points get hit here...JVJ is a big guy btw. I have never seen a Valjean who so truly looked like he could indeed perform superhuman acts of strength. 

Both Mme Magloire and Baptistine made it into this adaptation! The bishop is really great. Quite gentle and saintly, but firm in his beliefs...he isn’t quite as humorously unconcerned about things as Derek Jacobi was, which i actually kind of missed? But really, he was great. He and JVJ have such a good conversation that i thought at one point: how the hell is he gonna turn around and steal the silverware? I should have trusted it would make sense, this is a damn good adaptation. (aside--when JVJ sees the candle sticks, his reaction to them cracked me up) After everyone goes to bed JVJ got a full on Shakespeare-style soliloquy! Which was unexpected and maybe odd by todays standards, but i loved it--a great way to give all the history of his crime, the what and the why of it and his punishment, and that he agrees--he was guilty--but that he feels the punishment was unjust (well yeah) and that society is to blame. Anyhow...the rest goes as it always does. (the silverware basket!) The stunned reaction and confusion of Valjean when the bishop doesn’t narc on him is amazing, and i have the feeling that it’s going to come around in a nice parallel much later when Javert is released. The bishop has bought his soul for god and

incredibly jarring transition (i.e. none) to Fantine and her girl gang (time and place well labelled, btw, 1815). They are having a picnic and their boyfriends have just left for a surprise--a relief to me in that i will be spared having to look at a second rat-face Tholomyes this week. So, Fantine’s friends are meant to be more girls she knows that Real Friends but WOW these are FIRST RATE MEAN GIRLS and they spend all their time talking about how dumb Fantine is, even to her face. and to be fair, she does seem naive to the point of being not all there to start? At the reveal of what’s happened the rest of them, after a moment they start laughing about this trick, but fantine just can’t and it is heartbreaking. In one major change--she is pregnant NOW and has not already had cosette which i suppose could make felix a bit less of a schmuck if he didn’t know but frankly i don’t care. he’s still trash. jump to just before she and suddenly 3 year old Cosette are about to leave Paris. She is a lovely sweet mom and baby Cosette is adorbs and it is just sad as hell...also the longer we see Fantine the more obvious her acting skill gets.

Thenardiers: the swing! Eponine and Azelma! (Baby C is Zelma’s age here, and Ponine is older) These Thenardiers are not looking likely to be played for laughs. The Thenardiess is a hard looking lady...not much indication of how bad they’ll be from the outset, but how quickly they start adding numbers together is a MASSIVE RED FLAG and personally i don’t trust anyone who can do math that fast just on principle. 

On to M-sur-M where we get an INFODUMP from the mayor’s...i dunno, secretary? overseer, something. whoever his is, he is an uncomfortably close talker in the sort of way that says he maybe wants to wrestle you into a broom closet somewhere. It’s ooky. He is like this with Javert, and...yeah. I would not. But anyway. Javert is clearly WELL CAST. He just seems perfect. there’s some talk of his law and order vibe that is bang on and also disturbing in how very cut and dried he sees things. Will he and the Mayor agree? He’s the mayor, so therefore he is not wrong. eeee. They do some really clever storytelling stuff here--we don’t see Javert and JVJ talk together(and the mayors identity stays secret from unknowing viewers a bit longer, too!), instead we go watch Fantine’s factory stuff play out for a bit--no fights over the letter, she has a girl who reads the letters for her and knows about her child, and this girl seems like...probably not the wisest choice of confidante...maybe Fantine IS a little dumb tbh? When Javert comes out of the mayors office we get Infodump Part 2, The Dumpenning. I think i like this device with the weird secretary? We get a lot of stuff about the mayors backstory, but it all feels really urgent because Javert Has Suspicions.it’s also all very brick accurate--including the mayor having gone into mourning at the death of the Bishop of Digne.

The firing plays out differently from the brick but in a way i enjoyed it because it is, stunningly, Even More Unfair. Also, she has a real reason to be bitter and think Madeleine is a hypocrite (her word here), when actually douchbag secretary is the problem! The girl who is the cause of everything apologises to her on the way out and Fantine’s reactions in extreme close up killed me: It is us little miserable people who always end up hurting each other. This is not a subtle show at times? But it does what it does really well.

The final event is the cart sequence (starring M. le Maire’s glorious hair, Hugoesque high forehead, and a mud mask that truly has to be seen to be believed. We end on Javert’s assertion that he has only ever seen one person who could do what he has just done. A convict, Jean Valjean. End of episode,you cliffhanging bastards. I bet in 1964 there were some SHOOK Italian people freaking right out that they had to wait a week to see what happen next.

So far this is seriously the best adaptation I think i’ve ever seen? It’s super faithful to the source material in both events and tone, and the things that are cut or added are all in service to good story telling. Like--the petit Gervais thing? You don’t need it--you can see Valjean’s whole world shifting in the conversation with the bishop! No need to even show Tholomyes and co, they’ve already left and in four sentences and a ridiculous letter we truly know all we had to about their useless hides. I’m really looking forward to (crying my face off during) Part 2!

[mtvchallengeblogarchive]

Giving the floor to another voice

Recently, one of the Gauntlet 3 castmembers chose to throw a few stones in my direction over at IamonMTV.com.  Many of you have written asking if or when I would respond.   I didn't intend to.  I haven't mentioned her at all in any of my blogs.  But...I did find it interesting that the nameless castmember who called me out did so to defend her "boys" (they certainly don't qualify as men)...boys who in the last episode were BRUTAL to the girls on our team...one even threatened to strap a brick to their boobs and drown them...nice timing to come running to their defense huh?

One of my long-time myspace friends, however, let me know that she had responded to Diem and offered me permission to post her reply here.  "A," who personally knows more cast members and more challenge details than anyone I know, has some interesting things to say, so after giving it some thought, I've decided to post her reply here.  They are her words, not mine; they stand on their own.   TO REPEAT, I DO NOT ENDORSE THE FOLLOWING--I DIDN'T WRITE IT, BUT IT IS INTERESTING READING.

Someone has let Beth get under their skin? Everything Beth said about you was true. On Fresh Meat and the Duel you cried and threw a hissy fit when you got voted into elimination. And both times it was the first time you were sent to the elimination and it was the last week! Boo freaking hoo honey. You even expected Aneesa to save you over her BFF Svetlana. How arrogant must you be? Or is it entitlement? Did you feel entitled to make the end? And why the hookups so quickly from Derek to CT? Fresh Meat and the Duel were filmed less than 6 months apart. Quite a short time to find 2 loves of your life in an environment that doesnt exactly lead to healthy relationships. Were those boys used to make it to the end? Hmmmmm. You also basically admitted in your blog you were afraid of Beth and avoided her. Should you be bragging about being a p----? And Beth does confront people she has a problem with and not take shots at them personally behind their backs like Danny/Kenny/Evan did to her. She confronted Tina when Tina tried to start something with her. She confronted Jodi and the Drama Mafia to their FACES! She told you at the Duel reunion how she thought of you. As for Nehemiah? Please. The guy wouldn't have even been asked to the Gauntlet 3 if it were not for the attention he got from Beth on the Duel. He discarded Beth at G3 because she was of no use to him as she was on opposite teams.  His ego was bruised due to Beth's jokes about him on The Duel.  His manhood was damaged so he set out to distance himself from her.  He also realized he was on the wrong side of the cliques that dominate these shows. As for karma, it will be coming your way too sistah. How did keeping Eric over Johnny work out for the Vets at the end? Bahahahaha. I would hate for your strong team to dominate the whole thing and than lose at the end due to 1 out of shape team member. Karma indeed! Oh yeah...and your boy CT is showing a lot of maturity this show, hun. He's very mature indeed for a crack addict.  I also believe, from my recollection of watching the Duel reunion, that you actually called out Beth first by calling her a phony. She in return responded back to you. So if you are seriously wondering where her distaste from you comes from that maybe a good place to start. The first 3 episodes have shown no expamples of your claims that Beth was desperate for camera time. She did not respond at all but to laugh at Nehmeiah's tantrum. She has not been in any fights or causing drama. Her only crime seems to be standing next to CT in one of his drunken states. Now now. CT is always in a drugged out state so you cant blame her for that. I also saw Katie and many others watching the fight from the stairs so try a little harder next time honey. Your points don't hold up under scrutiny.

Signed

"A" for annonymous

PS.  For those of you awaiting a blog following last week's episode, there won't be one.   Frankly, the episode just left me blah...

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

[officialmccall]

Believe It or Not. Part 25/?.

(Based off episode 3x01 “Tattoo”)

While the rest of the teenagers at Beacon Hills High spent their Summer trying to fill it with memorable moments, there were 5 individuals who spent it trying to forget. They tried to forget the death, fear, and heartbreak that they had to experience all throughout last year, feeling like they would never actually escape it.

For the McCall twins, it was especially difficult. Scott tried to deal with losing Allison, everything seemed to be a constant reminder of her. Although he left things convinced they would end up together, every day that passed without contacting her seemed to cause him to lose a little more of that hope he had.

For Y/n, she left Beacon Hills all together. She couldn’t find it in herself to stay in that town for an entire Summer. Along with all the supernatural battles, she had to grieve the loss of the life she once knew, and needed time to process everything she now knew about where she came from. And she needed to do that alone. So after what felt like days of convincing Melissa that she needed to do this for herself, she had booked a flight to Denver, Colorado. Where she would be able to stay with some extended family for awhile as she went on her journey to try and understand how she could get back to herself, and who she wanted to be, and what she wanted to do with all the truth she was now carrying on her shoulders instead of the weight from the unknown that she didn’t understand existed.

However, as the end of the Summer neared, she was ready to get home to all her friends. And one person in particular.

---

(a day since she’s been home)

“It’s not a triple date. It is a group thing.” Lydia assured both Allison and Y/n as they drove towards their intended destination.

“Do they know it’s a group thing? ‘Cause I told you that I’m not ready to get back out there.” Allison stated, her voice laced with a playful suspicion.

“You were in France and didn’t do any dating for four months?” Y/n questioned from the backseat of Lydia’s car, leaning all the way forward so Allison could see the joking judgement on her features.

“Oh come on, neither did Lydia, not after-”

“Do not say his name!” The strawberry blonde interrupted the girl’s banter.

“Is he okay, I mean, did everything work out?” Allison changed the conversation to Lydia’s recent goodbye.

“Well, the doctors looked like total idiots when he turned up alive, but everyone got over it. And yes, Derek taught him the werewolf 101, like how to not randomly kill people during a full moon.”

Y/n slightly tuned out at the mention of Derek’s name. She had finally come to accept it, but it was still a rough topic. She hadn’t faced him since the night at the lacrosse game when they finally defeated Jackson’s other self. She knew she would have to see him again at some point, but she didn’t know what would happen or how she would feel when she did.

---

“Nah, we agreed to give each other the summer… no texts, no calls.” Scott explained to Stiles on the topic of Allison.

“So then how do you know she won’t be at school then?” They boy who changed his hair, but not his spastic nature, questioned.

“After everything that happened, I’m not sure she’s coming back at all.” Scott finished in a sad whisper, glancing down as he fiddled with his own fingers.

“Yeah,” Stiles sighed, “I know what  you mean, I told Y/n I’d give her all the space she needed too, ya know. So that she could figure everything out without any distractions. But I don’t know, when she comes back, where we stand together.”

Scott furrowed his eyebrows and glanced up at his best friend, “Didn’t she tell you she loved you?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Didn’t you tell her you love her back?” Scott smiled as he watched Stiles squirm in his seat at the questions.

“Yes, Scott, yes I know all that happened. Okay, thank you.” Stiles ranted, his frustration evident.

“Well, when you dropped her off at the airport, did you kiss her?”

All of the embarrassment spread through Stiles’ face at the remembrance of what happened that day, “I wanted to, but, I don’t know I panicked and then I think I practically shoved her out of the car.”

Scott laughed nervously and placed his fingers on the bridge of his nose to express the second-hand embarrassment he was experiencing which only made Stiles more frustrated, “Look, dude, just ask her when she comes home, okay? I’m sure everything’s going to be just fine with you guys.”

Keeping his eyes on the dark road in front of him he smiled at Scott’s effort, “Yeah well, a lot can happen in 4 months.” He braked as he approached the red light next to the only other car on the road, which happened to look slightly familiar. As he pulled up, he glanced over only to see Allison and Lydia sitting in the front seat of Lydia’s car, laughing about something.

“Hey Scott,” Stiles attempted to gain the attention of his oblivious friend, “I think Allison’s coming back. I’d say it’s pretty definite, you know. Like a hundred percent.”

Scott looked up at Stiles confused, seeing the expression on Stiles’ face caused him to turn and look out his window. Finally understanding why Stiles also sounded so surprised. He just stared at her, he couldn’t stop. Until some movement from the back caught his attention, and he saw his sister… who wasn’t supposed to be back until tomorrow.

Scott looked back and smiled knowingly at Stiles, who now just looked even more confused.

“What? Why- why are you looking at me like that dude-”

“Just look in the backseat.” Scott sighed impatiently at Stiles’ obliviousness. Stiles whipped his neck back to look at whatever Scott was all of the sudden all excited about, when his eyes fell on Y/n, throwing her head back laughing at whatever had previously been said, he swore he felt his heart actually stop. Or maybe it was beating so fast that he couldn’t even keep up with it.

---

“Oh, my god. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. I can’t see him, not now.” Allison suddenly sunk as far down into the seat as the care let her.

“What?” Y/n and Lydia, extremely confused, both looked out their windows to see Scott, who looked extremely uncomfortable; and Stiles, waving like a complete idiot. Which Y/n couldn’t help but smile and laugh at.

“Lydia go! Just go!” Allison begged, placing her hands on her forehead in complete frustration.

“But the light.” Lydia countered

“Oh no…” Y/n whispered, but Allison and Lydia both heard her. Turning their heads to see Stiles rolling down the window.

“Yep. Yeah, okay.” And with one quick motion Lydia’s foot hit the gas and they were through the light and leaving them behind.

Allison watched unwaveringly in the rearview mirror as the light turned green and the familiar blue jeep began to drive in the same direction as them.

“Lydia, stop. We need to go back and talk to them.” Allison looked at her strawberry blonde friend, who obeyed and stopped her car in the middle of the road.

“I mean I know why I want to talk to them but, are you sure?” Y/n asked Allison from the backseat, but Allison just ignored her and switched from looking at the boys in the mirror to turning around and looking through the back window.

“They stopped too. Why did they stop.” Allison furrowed her eyebrows, now all three girls were turned around and staring into the headlights of the jeep.

“It’s Stiles and Scott. Do you really wanna try applying logic to those two.” Lydia laughed.

“Maybe we should go back.” Y/n suggested, and immediately after she said it. They were hit with a bigger shock than running into Scott and Stiles. The sound shattering glass was almost as terrifying as the feeling of it hitting their arms as they blocked their faces. Y/n was hesitant to open her eyes once she couldn’t feel the multiple shards hitting her anymore, only met face to face with the head of a dear stuck right through the windshield.

Y/n carefully maneuvered her hands on the seat to avoid all the shards of glass as she stumbled around for the door handle, feeling the texture of cold metal she gripped it object and pulled, letting her body fall from the car and onto the pavement. She became even more unsettled at the immediate and unexpected feeling of two hands pulling her shaking body up from her position on the ground.

Her vision didn’t clear up until the two hands had placed themselves on either of her shoulders, holding her wavering body in place as if she were going to collapse at any moment.

“Are you hurt?” At the sound of his voice, all her surroundings finally stopped spinning and she remembered where she was and what had happened. Her body stopped shaking as her eyes met his, which were intensely staring at her and anxious for an answer.

“Yeah-yeah I’m, I’m okay. I’m not hurt.” His grasp on her shoulders became less tense and he let out a breath that he had obviously been holding in from the overwhelming concern. She hadn’t seen these eyes in so long, or been able to look into them. He made it good to be home again. But the longer she stared at him the more aware she became of the slight difference in his appearance. She couldn’t quite place her finger on it due to still processing recent events but then she smiled, moving her hand up to brush her fingers through his now long, dark hair.

“Your hair…” she whispered a smile creeping its way onto her face and illuminating all her features, “I like it.” She finished, stating simply.

“Well, I’m not okay!” Lydia Martin’s squeal caused Stiles to drop his hands from Y/n’s shoulders so they could all turn to face her. “I am totally freaking out. How the hell does it just run into us? I saw its eyes right before it hit us. It was like… it was like it was crazy.”

It was silent as Scott examined the now still body of the wild animal.

“No, it was scared… actually, terrified.”

---

“No, seriously it’s okay, you guys just go and I’ll go with them. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Y/n reassured Allison and Lydia to go with Chris who Allison had called to come pick them up shortly after the accident.

“Okay, just, let me know when you get home.” Allison pulled her into a quick hug before hopping in the passenger seat of her dad’s car. Y/n didn’t miss the longing look her friend gave her brother before the car drove off though.

A hand suddenly made contact with her shoulder making her jump and turn around quickly, she gasped for air before she saw it was just Scott.

“Wow, hey, I was just asking if you’re ready.” He chuckled at her jumpy state.

She smiled, relaxing and allowing herself to laugh at the situation. Y/n then pulled Scott into a hug, “I haven’t really said hello to you yet.”

“Yeah I know,” he joked with her, “you’re home a few days early too.” the siblings then pulled away from each other.

“It was time to come home.” She admitted proudly.

“Alright, I’m kind of terrified that another wild ass creature is gonna come wreck my car, so, can we go please?” Stiles interrupted their reunion. Y/n just rolled her eyes and turned on her heal, deciding to sprint towards the jeep.

“I call shotgun!” She yelled back at Scott as she hopped into the vehicle that was obviously holding on the dear life.

---

The drive back to their house was silent, other than the soft muffles of music on the radio. It wasn’t awkward or tense, just unfamiliar. No one knew what to say because there wasn’t really anything that needed to be said. Y/n looked over, at one point, to examine Stiles as he drove. Noticing how tight his right hand was gripping the shift, as his right fingers anxiously tapped against the steering wheel as he stared straight ahead. She knew he was nervous, she knew that her presence caught him off guard because it was such a surprise. And he didn’t do well with surprises, it stemmed from his need to be right all the time.

But she allowed herself to smile at him, at the way the ends of his hair now perfectly stuck up and the effect that she had on him. She loved him while she was gone, but being near him again was just an intense reminder of that love.

Y/n reached over and grabbed his hands, intertwining their fingers until there was no room for air to pass through. He looked over at her, seeming shocked. But as soon as he saw the smile on her face, he couldn’t help but mirror that same smile.

She was home, and he didn’t mean Beacon Hills.

---

When the jeep pulled up outside the McCall house, no one immediately got out and the three of them just kind of lingered in the awkward silence. Until Scott understood why there actually was awkward silence as he caught the side-eyes glances between Stiles and his sister.

“Oh- uh, I mean. Thanks Stiles,” Scott sighed slapping his friends shoulder, “I’ll see you at school.”

Y/n watched Scott walk all the way throw the front door, when it shut she knew that one of them was actually going to have to say something.

“So-”

“I-”

They both began talking at the same time, both sharing the same desperation to break the silence.

“You go-”

“You can-”

They both tried again, meeting the same fate as the last attempt. Allowing themselves to laugh about it, Y/n motioned towards Stiles that he could talk first. He took a deep breath to prepare himself, after everything they had been through this last year he didn’t understand how she could still make him so nervous in such simple moments.

“Uh yeah okay- so, did you get out of your trip everything you wanted to? You know, come to any realizations or revelations, uh- do you feel better?”

She noticed the weird and unfamiliar tone as he asked his question, also taking now to the fact that he didn’t meet her eye once during his entire slur. He didn’t want to ask her the question he was really dying to know the answer to. ‘Do you still love me?’ He was afraid that after being gone for four months she would figure out that she made a mistake, and that she didn’t want to be with him. But she just got home, this wasn’t about him right now.

“Honestly I would say ‘feeling better’ is a bit of a jump, but I understand a lot more now. I really got some time to rediscover myself because who I was I had lost that, that innocence. You know, I got to realize that I’m still who I was before, I just have a lot more to learn about how I got to where I am. And I haven’t quite figured that part out yet, I just needed to not be in Beacon Hills. Because I was angry and disappointed, so I needed to clear my mind.” She smiled as she explained herself, and felt even more at peace when she looked up to Stiles and just saw him smiling at her.

“I’m really happy for you.” He hummed as he stroked small circles on her skin with his thumb, remembering all the insecurities he was feeling just a few minutes ago however, he pulled away. Clearing his throat and squirming in his seat, confusing Y/n greatly.

“What’s wrong?” She asked as he fidgeted, wishing he wouldn’t always try to avoid his problems like he’s so known to do.

“Well I uhm- I guess I just also wanted to know, did you come to any- realizations about us?” He literally hadn’t sat still the entire time he was trying to spit the words out, and she tried not to giggle because of how adorable he was. Feeling a little evil, she decided to mess with him.

“Yeah, yeah you could say that I did?”

His head shot up directly towards her, looking at her for the first time since they’ve been talking and eyes wider than she’d ever seen them.

“You did?”

She shrugged, “Yeah I did,” she tried not to smile and expose that she was messing with him, “you know a lot’s changed, so it’s time for some things to change here too.” she nodded.

He shifted violently in his seat until every part of his body was facing her, “what does that mean?” He asked nervously rubbing his hand over his head.

“Do you remember when I told you I loved you?” She played with him some more.

“Yes, obviously…” He said rolling his eyes slightly.

“Well, I was thinking what I want to change is...” she paused to look at him and notice the desperation on his face wishing she would hurry up and say what she wanted to say, “ that I want to be able to tell you that everyday.”

Stiles shut his eyes letting out an enormous sigh of relief.

“Is that okay with you?” Y/n asked again.

“More than okay.” He hummed as he swiftly rushed over to her, cupping her face and pulling her closer until her lips met his. Filling the hole in his world that had been there for three and a half months.

Y/n smiled into the kiss, remembering every kiss they had had before this one, and realizing that this was going to become much more normal. When they pulled away her heart fluttered to see he was wearing the same smile. He moved a piece of her hair that had fallen in front of her face slowly back behind her ear, not letting his eyes leave hers the entire time.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” She smiled as she bit her lip to stop smiling, knowing her jaw would be hurting tomorrow. As she exited the jeep and shut the door he watched her walk towards her house, then he reached over and quickly rolling down the window.

“Hey Y/n,” he called out to her causing her to turn on her heel, “I love you.” He finished.

She smiled a smile he swore he would never get tired of seeing, and then he drove away. Knowing full well he wouldn’t be getting any sleep tonight, his mind wouldn’t let him.

---

As Y/n got all the way up the stairs and into her room, she made sure she shut and locked it. Backing away as far from it as she could get she pulled out her phone and dialed the number she knew she had to.

Going straight to voicemail she took a deep breath before leaving her message, “Hey, Deaton, It’s Y/n McCall and I’m back in town, I was wondering if I could stop by the clinic tomorrow?”

---

“Freshmen. Tons and tons, of fresh men.” Lydia said standing against the lockers, dramatically swirling her finger in the air as people continued to rush through the halls.

“You mean fresh boys. Lydia, they’re 14.” Allison countered back, glancing at Y/n. The two rolled their eyes together before Lydia continued.

“Eh, some are more mature than others.”

“You know, it’s okay to be single. Focus on yourself for a little while, work on becoming a better person.” This time it was Y/n and Lydia’s turn to share silent glances as they stood on either side of Allison. Lydia took the reign on this conversation.

“Allison, I love you. So if you need to do that thing where we talk about me and pretend like we’re not actually talking about you, it’s totally fine. But I don’t want a boyfriend. I want a distraction.” Y/n placed her hand comfortingly on Allison’s shoulder as Lydia changed to topic back to herself, unsurprisingly.

Noticing that Lydia’s head hadn’t moved an inch in the last ten seconds both Allison and Y/n focused their attention on whatever hers was. Finally catching sight of two boys walking in their direction at the end of the hallway.

“Brothers?” Y/n suggested after a few seconds.

“Twins.” Lydia hummed in a rather satisfactory response.

---

The three girls made their way to first period English, there was supposedly going to be a new English teacher. When they walked through the doors, there was no teacher to be seen yet but Y/n made her way to an empty seat next to Stiles, Lydia occupying the seat next to her. There was one more that was intended for Allison but some other kid managed to get to the seat before she did. Knowing, and tension filled glances were exchanged between Lydia, Y/n, and Stiles once everyone realized that literally the only seat left in the class was one directly behind Scott.

“Is someone… “ Allison attempted to ask Scott before he interrupted her.

“No, no, no, no. No, it’s all yours. Uh, it’s totally vacant.” He babbled nervously, embarrassing himself. Which made Stiles place his hand over his mouth as a failed attempt to stifle his outburst of laughter at the situation. Scott turned around to face him, Stiles giving him a wink and a thumbs up. When Scott turned back around, Stiles returned to his laughing fit until he was rather aggressively hit on his upper arm.

“Ow.” He complained, turning to the source of the hitting which was Y/n, just glaring at him. Before he could argue with her, or you know ask, ‘why the hell did you do that?’ He was conveniently interrupted by his phone buzzing, and coincidently, everyone else’s phones also began buzzing and or dinging. All the teenagers looking around at each other, confused, pulled their devices out to see what they had all received. Out loud, Stiles began reading a message from an unfamiliar number.

“The offing was barred by a black bank of clouds and the tranquil waterway, leading to the uttermost ends of the earth flowed somber under-”

“‘An overcast sky,” Stiles was interrupted by a woman with softly curled brunette hair entering the room, “ seemed to lead into the heart of an immense darkness.’ This is the last line to the first book we are going to read. It is also the last text you will receive in this class. Phones off, everyone.”

Highly impressed with who was obviously their new English teacher, Y/n shut off her phone and put it away.

---

After Scott being called out of class for some reason unknown to the rest of the group, they continued their assigned school work. Y/n however, unable to force herself to focus, let her eyes and mind wander around the classroom. She wondered if Derek called Scott out of class, he shouldn’t be able to do that but she wouldn’t be surprised if he found a way. She also hoped Isaac was okay, she hadn’t spoken to him since the night that everything went down. But she knew he was in the hospital and she still cared deeply for him, he was still her friend, and she hoped he was okay.

Getting some focus back, her eyes found themselves on a bandage wrapped around Lydia’s ankle, and she didn’t remember her having that done after the accident. Looking up and making sure their teacher was preoccupied, she leaned over and slightly hit Stiles with her hand. Startled, he managed to knock his book off the desk, causing Jeniffer to look up to see what happened. He gave her an apologetic smile and wave, waiting for her to turn back around before glaring at Y/n to see what she needed. Ignoring his cold glare, she just silented pointed down to Lydia’s bandage. Seemingly just as confused as Y/n, he leaned over until he was practically on top of Y/n’s desk.

“Hey, Lydia,” he called making the strawberry blonde glance away from her textbook, “What is that?”

“Is that from the accident?” Y/n added.

“No,” She simply replied, “Prada bit me.”

“Your dog?” Stiles attempted to whisper.

“No, my designer handbag,” Lydia snapped, earning an annoyed look from both Y/n and Stiles until she sighed, “yes, my dog.”

“Has it ever bitten you before?” Stiles continued to push for more information.

“Mm-mm.” Lydia shook her head.

“Okay,” Stiles shifted in his seat to more effectively face both of them, “What if it’s, like, the same thing as the deer? You know, like, how animals start acting weird right before an earthquake or something?”

Y/n furrowed her eyebrows, thinking more about Stiles suggestion. He was right, a lot of this was weird and unusual.

“Meaning what? There’s gonna be an earthquake?” Lydia replied implying that he was being overdramatic.

“Or something,” he rolled his eyes, “I just… maybe it means something’s coming. Something bad.”

Lydia scoffed, but Y/n decided to piggyback off his thinking, “No maybe he’s right,” she whispered surprising both Lydia and Stiles, “Think about it. Accidents involving deer are pretty common in california, but how are they always hit? Crossing the road right? Lydia, this one ran straight down the road at us, and we were stopped.” Y/n watched Lydia’s reaction hoping she could change her mind. But the girl just rolled her eyes once more.

“It was a dear and a dog. What’s that thing you say about threes? Once, twice…”

Before Lydia could even finish, all of them were caught off guard when an intense banging started interrupting the entire class. Whipping their heads around, Y/n saw bird after bird start hitting the glass windows that lined the side of the room. All she could do was mindlessly stare at the behavior of the continuous birds. But then it started happening faster and faster. Then it was more than one bird at once, getting louder and louder. She hadn’t even processed that the swarm of birds had managed to break through the glass into the classroom until she felt someone forcing her under her desk with their arms wrapped around her head and someone kept yelling “get down” all around them.

She hadn’t realized, either, that he eyes were shut until through all the chaos she could still make out the sound of someone’s voice whispering in her ear. “Y/n.” They kept repeating. She opened her eyes to see that the person who had pulled her away and wrapped their arms around her head was Stiles, protecting her from the multitude of crows still rapidly flying around.

“Where’s Lydia,” she tried her best to scream loud enough for Stiles to hopefully hear her, “Is Lydia okay?”

---

After the police had come and cleared out the room, all you could look around and see was body after body of dead crow surrounding the entirety of the classroom floor. Still feeling shaken up, Y/n decided the best action was to leave the room so she didn’t have to think about it anymore. When she walked outside into the hallways, she saw Lydia and Allison standing with Chris, and to the other side of her she saw Stiles standing up against his locker one his phone. She decided to walk up to him.

“We got a serious problem at school. Ms. Blake’s class..” She assumed Stiles was on the phone with Scott after walking off and hearing him immediately get cut off in the middle of his explanation.

“Hey, can you tell me about it later?” Scott had said on the phone.

“Well, no, pretty sure this qualifies for immediate discussion.” Stiles aggressive tone caused the veins to pop out on his neck in annoyance.

“Okay then meet me at Derek’s.” Scott suggested.

Stiles taken aback finally looked at Y/n for the first time since she had appeared next to him, “Derek’s house? What the hell are you doing…”

“Just meet us here okay?” Scott interrupted one last time before hanging up on Stiles.

That was the first time Y/n had heard Derek’s name since she was gone. She knew she was probably going to have to see him soon at some point, she knew that. She just didn’t think it would be the second day she was home.

“You don’t have to go.” Stiles told her as he put his phone back in his pocket.

She just sighed looking at him, “yeah, yeah I do.”

---

“So what exactly are we doing here?” Stiles didn’t hesitate to ask as he barged through the front door. Y/n walked in behind him, not as dramatically fast. She stood at the entrance of the door frame as she looked inside the place that she had been few times before. She saw Scott sitting in a chair, shirt of and arm propped up in an odd position. And then she saw Derek, and he saw her.

“I didn’t know you were back yet.” He directed at Y/n, ignoring Stiles.

“Yeah, well, you know. Student first, confused orphan second right?” She shrugged as she walked further inside to meet Stiles.

“He’s repaying a favor.” Scott finally answered Stiles’ question, breaking the extremely awkward tension that had just been created.

Derek took a deep breath, sitting down next to Scott to continue the process they already began.

“Yeah, I see it. It’s two bands right? What does it mean?” Derek asked.

“I don’t know,” Scott shrugged, “It’s just something I traced with my fingers.”

“Why is this so important to you?” Derek sat back and crossed his arms, “Do you know what the word ‘tattoo’ means?”

“To mark something.” Stiles blurted, causing Y/n to just kinda pat his arm as if to say ‘he probably wasn’t talking to you.’

“Well, that’s in Tahitian. In samoan, it means “open wound.” I knew I wanted to get a tattoo when I turned 18. I always wanted one. I just decided to get it now, to make it kind of a reward.” Scott answered.

“For what?”

“For not calling or texting Allison all summer. Even when I really wanted to, even when it was so hard not to sometimes. I was trying to give her the space she wants. Goin’ four months later, it still hurts. It still feels like a-”

“Like an open wound.” Y/n finished for him. Scott looked up at his sister and returned the sad smile that already occupied her face, “yeah.” he whispered to quietly all of them almost missed it.

“The pains going to be worse than anything you’ve ever felt.” Derek warned Scott.

“Ah, that’s great.” Stiles squirmed.

“Do it.” Scott had no trace of fear in his eyes at his request.

Immediately, Derek ignited a blow torch as his revealed tool.

“Oh, wow. That’s a… that’s a lot for me. So I’m gonna take that as my cue. I’m just gonna wait outside.” Stiles tried to walk away but Y/n’s arm and Derek’s words grabbed him before he could even make one step.

“Nope. You two are going to help hold him down.”

“Oh my god.” Stiles complained, as Y/n’s hand stayed wrapped around his arm to drag him over to where Scott was sitting.

“Hold him.” Derek demanded.

Stiles grasped his shoulders while Y/n decided she would take his legs, and they held.

---

“Well it looks pretty damn permanent now.” Stiles sighed, finally recovering from all the nausea of watching the whole thing go down.

“Yeah. I kind of needed something permanent. Everything that’s happened to us… everything just changed so fast. Everything’s so uh… Ephemeral.”

Y/n chuckled and placed her arm around Scott’s shoulders.

“Studying for the psats?” She joked. “Yep.” He popped the ‘p’ at the end.

“Nice.” She laughed, taking possession of her arm back as the reached the door preparing to leave, and then Scott stopped. Making them all stop.

“You painted the door,” he stated looking back at Derek, “why’d you paint the door?”

“Go home, Scott.” Derek demanded, ignoring the original question.

Scott returning the action and ignoring Derek, asked another question, “And why only one side?”

“Scott.” Derek snapped, taking one step towards the beta.

“The birds at school and the deer last night.. Just like the night I got trampled by the deer when I got bit by the Alpha. How many are there?”

“How many are there of what?” Y/n chimed in, her and Stiles extremely confused during this conversation because Scott and Derek obviously know something that they don’t.

“A pack of ‘em. An Alpha pack.” Derek answered Scott, and somewhat Y/n.

“All of them? How does that even work?” Stiles crossed his arms.

Derek sighed realizing they weren’t leaving now, “I hear there’s some kind of a leader. He’s called Deucalion. We know they have Boyd and Erica. Peter, Isaac and I have been looking for him for the last four months.”

“Let’s say you find them,” Scott argued, “How do you deal with an Alpha pack?”

Derek shrugged, “With all the help I can get.”

---

Driving home from finding out there was an entire freaking pack of Alphas in Beacon Hills, saying Y/n was angry would be an understatement. She was supposed to be able to be a normal teenager now. She was going to come back and mend things with Melissa, when she was ready to talk to him she was going to learn about her birth mom, she was going to be able to be a normal girlfriend who got to cheer for her boyfriend at lacrosse games. But, it looks like there was one more fight left to worry about, and she wasn’t going to run away from it.

Telling Scott she was going to cheer practice and then would meet him at home, she felt bad about that lie as she parked her car outside of the animal clinic. The illuminated sign said closed, but she knew Deaton would be expecting her.

She opened the door that had been left unlocked for her and called out, “Deaton?” with a hesitant voice, seeming she would never lose her fear of the dark and unknown after last year.

“In the back!” He called back to her, letting her breathe the air that she didn’t even realize she was holding in.

She made her way to the back room that he always seemed to be in, this time organizing needles and various shots of different medications.

“So,” he broke the silence, “did you come to learn how to use your abilities, or how to quiet them.”

To be honest the question caught her off guard, she hadn’t even answered it herself or really thought about it. Of course it was always in the back of her head that she was a druid after she had learned that to be true, but shockingly dealing with being adopted was a little bit more to handle than being ‘one with nature’ and having the ability to manipulate.

Her mouth running faster than her mind, she answered him, “Use them.”

TAGS

@outcasts-or-them @cathobs @sarasmismyonlydefence @reganf @lokesmcgotes @behind-my-hazeleyes27 @relentlessgame @kristendonutz @imjustakilljoybaby @jurasicpork @judayyyw @spidergirl192327 @sora-goofy-donald @vynilsky

[violetemerald]

Grey's Anatomy: Owen Hunt & His Journey to Becoming a Parent - "Bless The Broken Road"

Voiceovers are transcribed at the bottom of this description. ~~~ I don't know what to expect with Owen and this foster baby storyline going forward but I'm SO HAPPY about it so far. Also my OTP on Grey's right now is Owen/Amelia and her being so involved has not hurt my happiness about it... lol. But seriously, I have all the excitement of shipping feelings right now but more toward Owen&happiness, I have been rooting for Owen and parenthood for 7 years, I'm pretty sure, and it's all HAPPENING!! ~~~ As you may have learned from my personal video about my queerplatonic relationship I was in on-and-off for a couple years: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VN_3ynvHdY4 - I really want to foster and/or adopt children myself in my future. Owen's storyline (including a willingness to adopt or even foster an older child!) and his struggle to find a partner he's in love with who actually wants to have children has been one of the parts of Grey's Anatomy as a TV series that has resonated with me the most, especially recently as I re-watch a big chunk of the series knowing I'm asexual and aromantic-spectrum. I was so shocked when 14x19 happened and Owen signed up to do parenting single via fostering to adopt, as that is basically my plan if I can't within the next 6 or 7 years or so find a partner to co-parent with. I started this vid immediately and have been SO inspired.

Special thanks to cardiffgiant02 for helping me brainstorm scenes!

I couldn't fit in everything I wanted to, especially in regards to explaining how his relationship with Emma in season 10 was so close to giving him his dream of children but SHE wasn't who he wanted in a romantic partner, and actually in order to fit in most of what I wanted to I edited the song and EXTENDED IT...

...but repeating certain instrumental sections a few times. I hope the song extension/edits don't sound horrible and overly distracting... I couldn't help it, I really *needed* the extra 30 or so seconds, lol. Also I hope my glowy effects on the scenes from the two "What If" episodes where Owen has kids in season 8 and season 10 are not too much...

Mainly I'm pretty happy with how the video turns out even if it's not entirely perfect. I worked hard on this and I really hope people enjoy it. Please leave me a comment if you like it, as it took me many, many hours to edit. :)

And yay for my first Grey's Anatomy video in 4 years, by the way! Check out my playlist of all my Grey's Anatomy vidding here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQIrXD4weMlgmJGC93E8d3QAXaht9guad

I actually hope to make some other Grey's Anatomy fanvideos soon, probably to vid Cristina & Meredith's relationship, to vid Amelia and/or the Owen/Amelia ship, AND to vid the hospital shooting storyline and the whole aftermath of that trauma throughout season 7.  I already have perfect song ideas for all of those. They all mean things to me personally. Cristina & Meredith are the epitome of queerplatonic partners in many ways, although there is no one way to do that relationship structure, and I love so much in my re-watch noticing the show exploring their bond. The trauma and coping with the aftermath of a gun related trauma is personal for me after my friend perpetrated a murder-suicide 5 months ago. Etc. There's a LOT going into my feelings toward the show right now.

I felt a little weird vidding this song because A) I started a vid years and years ago set to a different cover of this song and I almost-never repeat vid songs, and B) I'm an atheist - I don't believe in God and this song is kinda more heavily about "God" "blessing" the difficult journey to get to the happy ending. But the previous vid I had been working on, a Lucas & Peyton (One Tree Hill) one I didn't vid more than about 45 seconds: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_l9yExD5zQY and I just couldn't think of a better song for focusing on the "broken road" part, the angst and long journey to getting tot the end. A lot of other songs that crossed my mind, like "Brighter Than Sunshine" by Aqualung or other covers of that, focused too much on how life NOW is great, brighter than sunshine, and while it turns out episodes 14x20 and 14x21 gave us quite a few Owen w/ a child scenes and I could've probably made a song like that work, I picked the song when all I knew was the end of 14x19 and I was expecting maybe one scene at best by the end of the season of Owen getting his dream of Parenthood. I was expecting the happy ending to be more implied in this vid when I first started out making it. Anyway... I think the song worked pretty perfectly, even if at the end the lyric switches to "lover's arms" so I had to be creative with Amelia... :P There aren't a lot of songs out there focusing on platonic happy endings after a lot of broken hearts, if you know what I mean.

Song: Bless The Broken Road Cover Artist: Luke Murgatroyd & Mike Watson (Originally by Rascal Flatts) Discovered it here on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYP8UqF5x8s

Voiceovers:

Cristina: I don't want a baby. Owen: Well, you have one.

Owen: I could take a leave for six months, or a year. Cristina: No, you couldn't. Owen: Yes. Sure, I could. I'm telling you I want this. I can do this. Cristina: There is no compromise! I don't want to be a mother.

Cristina: I made an appointment... to terminate the pregnancy.

Owen (to Megan): I always imagined us raising our families together. Camping trips, cookouts.

Owen: It's a cute baby, right?

Owen: I could sing a song... You tired? [Sofia coos]

Owen: It's always been about you! It's what YOU want. That's always been your position. We live like you want, how you want... you get WHATEVER you want.

April: I don't know, it's just a feeling. [Owen scoffs a little] April: But... you don't have any kids.

Owen: It was- it was a... life that I envisioned for myself, okay?

Megan: You don't have any kids. How exactly would that dream work out?

Owen: You KILLED our baby! You don't ever forget that!

DSHS Worker: So, are you looking to foster a child? Or foster-to-adopt? Owen: Foster-to-adopt.

Owen: Oh, sure. Ok, we're fine. Except for the part where you aborted the child that I wanted. Cristina: Except for the part where you held my hand while I exercised my right to choose, and then four months later you screamed I killed your baby in front of all our friends.

Cristina: I do not want kids- Owen: Most people would've considered dropping a bomb like that BEFORE the wedding. THAT is when it would've been relevant.

Meredith: He should be with someone who wants a baby.

Amelia: You have wanted this forever!

Ethan: Can I stay with you? Owen: [chuckles] No, no, no, I have to- I have to work.

Owen: When you and Derek adopted Zola, how did you know?

Owen (to Emma): Are you planning to break my heart?

Owen: I mean, how did you really know that that was something you were gonna do? Meredith: Why? Are you thinking...?

Owen: You know, this kid, he needs someone. And... I like him! And, uh... he likes me! He's scared and alone, and... I could help. I know how to help, and I want to. It's a huge commitment; it's a lifetime of responsibility... but then I spend one minute with this kid, and... I can't imagine not doing it.

Meredith: You know, Owen was talking about taking the kid, himself.

Cristina: Were you even going to tell me you wanted to... ADOPT him? Owen: Well, that didn't happen, so... Cristina: But you WANTED to! Owen, you want kids!

Cristina: Derek watches Zola put applesauce in her ear, and he's enchanted. You felt that way with Ethan.

Alex: Mm. Maybe you're not a "baby guy". Babies just don't like some guys.

Cristina: You broke up with her? She was IT, Owen. Picket fence, a dozen kids. Owen: I don't want to talk about that.

Owen: I'm a baby guy! You can see that, right?

Owen: Um... kids? Amelia: Five. Owen: Whoa, five? Amelia: Sure, unless the first few terrorize us, then we can have four. Owen: Are we really talking about this? Marriage and kids?

Owen: Hey, did I tell you I spent all day with Harriet today? It was so much fun. After a while, I just... I felt like I'd done it forever.

Owen: And so I was thinking that we could turn the... study into the nursery!

Megan: If I die, I need you to promise me that you'll take care of Farouk.

Amelia: My baby lived for 43 minutes.

Owen: I keep trying to think of him as like a "practice baby", but he is such a cute practice baby. [Sighs] Oh.

Amelia: I got to hold him. And it almost killed me! I haven't told Owen all of it.  [Breathes.] He wants a family so bad.

Owen: You know, and then we can- We can turn the nursery into his room! Or her room. I mean, it's a good room for a kid, right?

[geekkatsblog]

Making my heart race for 45 minutes every week season 17x5 or like everyone else likes to call it Grey's Anatomy.

"A VERY LONG BUT IMPROTANT PART TO READ BELOW."

Now before I get started I was idly scrolling through Instagram instead of studying like I was supposed to and I was recommended a Grey's Anatomy confession site to torture myself (because most of the time I feel irrationally sad after reading when I see my faves being bashed) and I was a good few confessions in when I noticed that someone had taken a part of lasts weeks review word for word and submitted it. I never really thought I would have to but I beg please don't do that. Confession sites tend to make my heart race and when I realized it was my words that were used I was already in the comments, none of my opinions in these are final so I'd rather not have my words posted anywhere else where people can't see the complete picture. Its definitely fine to use it as inspiration but Please do not post my reviews anywhere else, or at least ask first.

*Now finally onto the review*

All in all the episode was like I expected in terms of outcomes however Grey's has got to come up with another genetic disorder besides Alzheimers, because this is yet another doctor with the gene. Not much happened besides the main event so let's hope I don't talk all over myself again.

___________________________________________

Catherine Fox and Jackson Avery

Refuses to wear the mask like the pig headed woman she is. Her especially should take no risks because as it was pointed out in the episode she is immunocompromised. She didn't actually appear in person but I thought I would mention her part in the episode because it gave us Richard and Jackson scenes which I have grown to love and appreciate because they're always wholesome the one they had tonight on systematic racism was great and one that I hope managed to educate viewers on the situation. It's great to see Jackson have someone there who has a parent figure there to listen calmly. Catherine as great of a mother as she is in my opinion sometimes she can come across as an eccentric aunt. I'm glad Richad managed to tame the wildcat and convince her to wear a mask with his sexual promises. We've lost enough Grey Sloan staff and family from it so far.

___________________________________________

Meredith

A hopefully temporary resident at the fake beach where nothing is real. Unfortunately there were no new visitors at the beach. Like I stated last week, I'm not entirely sure if we'll see anymore of the greats such as Mark Sloan, Lexie ect but there's still a chance next week although it seems like she might be waking up, but like I always say with Grey's expect the unexpected She may or may not be out of the deep end yet but I'm just thankful for the few glimpses we got to see George and Derek grace our screens again the nostalgia was great. However as much as I enjoyed seeing them again, I want Meredith to wake up I miss her, she may not be as fun and quirky as she used to be in the earlier seasons but without her working in the hospital it's hard to deny that something's missing from the episodes.

___________________________________________

TEDDY / OWEN/ TOM

(Here we go again.) 😔

This triangle has been going strong for a long time almost too long, and once again they flipped the switch its always back and forth. A few episodes ago she was begging Owen for forgiveness and now she's telling Tom they have a future. I feel like she needs some time to process what she's really feeling most of the time it seems like she's confused and fair enough it all happened so fast the time between her being with Tom and Owen expressing his still lingering feelings to her but now she needs to make sure that the decision she makes now is the one she actually intends to stick with.

On another note Tom seems to be out of the woods, for now at least which is great when he asked for his son I was a little concerned for a bit I wasn't sure if he was really going to make it. He's a douche and a hard ass but he has the potential to have a great character development, so I'm glad he got another chance. And my comments about wanting Helm to be his new protege remains in that small scene they had last week something just clicked with me and there's also the fact that she wanted to treat him despite the risks.

Owen was here as a filler basically, and to reinforce the love triangle again.

___________________________________________

Jo Wilson

Is thinking of switching specialties, if Ben can do it like changing sweaters why can't she switch? I do think it will be a good fit for her the way she has been fawning over the babies of recent it was either that or give her one of her own which in my opinion I don't think she's ready for. But even in all of the excitement I can't help but think that she's only looking at the cupcake and rainbow side for now because although it's awesome being the first one to hold the babies and everything, not every delivery goes well sometimes the babies don't make it or in other cases the mothers die I hope she's ready to face that side of the package as well.

Just mentioning as well that I love the friendship between her and Schmitt. It was an unexpected but pleasant pairing one of which I'm looking forward to seeing more of in the long run.

On the other hand if Jo switches this gives us more of a chance to see Carina as well because she was signed on a a series regular yet we don't get to see her enough except for on Station 19 and on there she's only Maya's girlfriend. I hope it changes soon and they give her more of a plot or something.

___________________________________________

Amelia/Link

Not much relationship content other than Link finding out about her and Koracick's fling and he took her going into the hospital before the end of her maternity leave quite well. They are one of the healthier relationships in Grey's. Right now at least things always get trickier later.

I'm glad she went in though it let Koracick know that he still had people who care about him and she managed to make Teddy who everyone was treating like garbage as well feel a little better.

___________________________________________

Maggie

No Winston today but we got a lot of Maggie content which was great. She was the moral support once again but today I was fine with it I always enjoy her moments with Bailey and at least she was able to be there for her seeing that Ben was MIA and Webber was busy taking care of her patients along with Jackson. Once again a very needed conversation between her and Bailey and I loved that she still went to comfort her despite the fact that rehashing her own mother's death had to be painful to do.

___________________________________________

Bailey

(Thanks for ruining My Girl for me Grey's now instead of feeling happy I'll forever think of Bailey saying goodbye to her mother.)

We all know that whenever Bailey starts spouting out her feelings and asking for help and advice things are about to go down.

Before we get completely into it I'd just like to express my disappointment in the fact that Ben literally dropped everything took the aid car to save his in laws no questions asked then dropped off his mother in law at the hospital with Covid and left his wife who has anxiety without even checking in. I know he's a first responder as well and he isn't allowed into the hospital that easily either but geeze no other phone calls or messages to check in?. He better have been stuck putting out a huge fire or something equally as bad, besides being him being hurt himself at least.

Another foot note to appreciate Bailey primping before her facetiming with Ben. Go get it hun. Their relationship be cute as usual.

Then the big revel her, mother has dementia, yet another doctor with the alzheimers gene. The moment between her and Meredith was heartwarming to be honest it's a foreign thing seeing them so close and having life conversations still but it's something I hope we get to see often they've had them as semi rivals/ semi friends long enough.

It was hard to see her have to say goodbye and the fact that her father couldn't be there to tell his wife any final words and be there to hold her as she passed made it worse, his wife that he was married to and loved for so long had to die without the comfort of her husband by her side and her daughter could barely hold her hand because of the bulk of her suit, then one of the saddest parts was that she possibly didn't even know what was happening to her. But thankfully Bailey could have been there to sing to her and keep her calm, a lot of people don't even get that much of a chance during the pandemic their loved ones die alone.

The moment I saw the conversation with her dad and the way she was only half listening I knew she was going to blame herself at some point over what happened, it remains to be seen if Maggie's speech worked or if she's going to continue to blame herself. Like I stated before I love the conversation her and Maggie had. One of the reasons why I haven't stepped off the Grey's Carousel is because they touch on topics that others don't cross they aren't afraid to touch the important and controversial things.

I was too being sad over her mothers death at first but I also want to talk about her and Webber's friendship he immediately postponed everything to be there for her, he took over her workload and still made sure he was there in time to be there and support her when she watched her mother flat line.

___________________________________________

The pandemic has always been real to me but somehow seeing the names of those that passed at the end was surreal I found myself just staring at the screen for a few minutes later reflecting on everything.

___________________________________________

Next week is the winter finale and I have no idea how it could get anymore dramatic than it already is. There's been so much already but Grey's always manages to surprise me. Then after that episode it's back to nothing until March 😭😭😭.

[whatwouldfrogsdo]

Peeling Back the Layers (Part ii: After Hazeapalooza)

In terms of Fresh, this fic lines up with chapter 5, but it's actually more of a sequel to Mistake. It also repeats a part of Surprise because it didn't make much sense without that section. (actually it's more accurate to say that I used an extract of this for Surprise).

Nursey finally tells Dex about his bipolar

Content warnings: - Discussions of bipolar (including paranoia and dissociation) - Discussions of medication, and mixing medication with alcohol

AO3

Part i (does not have to be read to understand this part): Tumblr | AO3

“Oh, hey,” Skye said, glancing up as Derek walked into their freshman suite after class the day after Hazeapalooza. Derek raised an eyebrow. Skye was the quietest of all the girls in their suite, and he wasn’t sure that she had ever spoken to him directly before. “A girl came by looking for you. I let her into your room.”

Derek frowned. He wasn’t expecting anybody. Lardo, perhaps?

It wasn’t Lardo sat in Dex’s desk chair and looking incredibly amused as she pushed his pens slightly out of line with each other.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you. He flips out if I touch his stuff.”

She turned to grin at him. “And here I thought you’d learnt not to touch other people’s things after I confiscated Tigger.”

“You didn’t confiscate him, you stole him, Lei. And I was three, you could have just let me play Barbie with you.”

She laughed, and jumped to her feet to throw her arms around his neck. “I missed you, Der-bear.”

“What are you even doing here?”

Her expression turned to serious when she pulled away. “Shitty rang me.”

It took Derek by surprise, sometimes, that Leila and Shitty were friends. He and his sister hadn’t overlapped at Andover at all, her being five years older than him, but she had been there the same time as Shitty. In fact, she had known him before he became Shitty, and it frustrated Derek no end that she wouldn’t reveal his real name. “What did he ring you for?”

“He said you weren’t doing so well.”

Derek groaned, and backed up so that he could sit on his bed. “I’m doing fine. I stopped sleeping, so I went on the antipsychotics and my first day on them they decided to do hazing. It just took me by surprise, and shit happened, but I’m fine. I’ve been taking benzos, too, just to be sure. It’s all chill”

“Have you seen a doctor?”

“I rang my one in Andover.”

Leila sighed and flopped down next to him. “Okay, aboowe , I’m glad you’re trying to take care of yourself, but you do need to get a doctor closer to here, and you need to let other people look after you properly when something happens.”

“It’s chill.”

“It’s okay if it’s not, though,” she told him. “And I’m serious about the doctor. If only because it’s ridiculous to have to drive up to Andover every time you need a prescription.”

Derek let his head come to rest on his sister’s shoulder and breathed out a sigh. “Okay.”

“Promise me you won’t deal with all of this on your own.”

“I promise. There’s a few people now, on the team, who know at least bits and pieces.”

“Including your roommate?”

“Er, no. Dex doesn’t know anything.”

“You know it’ll be easier if he does.”

Derek didn’t know what to say. Leila had no idea of the relationship between him and Dex, and trying to explain the complexities of how they got along, or the way that there was only a small collection of things Derek could actually talk to Dex about, was impossible.

When he didn’t respond, she just knocked her shoulder against his and pulled his laptop onto her knees, guessed his password right on the second try and brought up Netflix. Derek tried to remember the last time things were so calm and simple between he and Leila. Childhood had been arguments and tension and the constant feeling of being overshadowed. Even at Andover, the upperclassmen had all looked at him and immediately said “You’re Lei’s brother.” That had become his persona for two years until everyone who had known her had graduated. Derek wondered if what fixed their relationship was just them growing up or him finally going to a school where the only person who knew her was Shitty.

“I’m glad you came,” he muttered, and when she looked at him, he could see she wasn’t expecting him to say anything like that.

“Of course I did. You’re my baby brother. It wasn’t too bad a surprise, then?”

“Nah.”

They watched a film, and then two episodes of Brooklyn Nine Nine, and then Dex walked in. As Leila scrambled to cover her hair with the scarf she had abandoned on his pillow, Derek tensed. They had barely spoken the past couple of days — not since before Hazeapalooza. Dex didn’t look over at Derek’s bed as he strode across the room and dropped his bag in its place under his desk. He froze, head bowed over the desk, then a shaking hand came up to slowly fix the crooked pens. He turned back to Derek, eyes narrowed.

“That was her,” Derek said quickly, pointing at Leila.

“You always were a tattle-tale. Hi. I’m Leila. Sorry about that. He was late.”

Dex looked between them. “Derek’s sister, right?”

“That’s me!”

“He didn’t say you were going to be visiting.”

Derek scoffed. “Ch’yeah, you need to talk to me for—”

“Well, to be quite honest, I didn’t tell him, either,” Leila interrupted

Dex flexed his hand. “Oh. Just… I mean, no offence or anything but I kind of thought you two didn’t really—”

Leila snapped her head towards Derek. “What the hell have you told him?”

“Nothing about you!” Dex said quickly, hands up in surrender. “Just about your parents, and—”

Derek sucked in a breath. “Shit. Shut up, Dex.”

“What did you say?” Leila asked in Gujarati.

Derek flinched. “Nothing, just— Fuck.”

“Tell me,” she demanded of Dex.

“That they forgot his birthday,” he replied.

Derek flinched. “Lei, it’s not—”

“You ungrateful little brat,” she snapped, and he shut up.

“Is that not—?” Dex looked bewildered now.

“Ever since I went to Andover we’ve celebrated birthdays in the school holidays,” she told him, then continued in Somali for Derek’s sake, “And Diri knows better than to use mental illness as an excuse to be a dick about it.” Derek sunk backwards in shame.

Dex blinked. “That was a different language.”

The comment made Derek snort. “Yeah, ‘cause she doesn’t know how to say mental illness in Gujarati. That’s something we’ve only ever talked about in English or Somali.”

“Mental— What— How many languages do you speak?”

“English, Gujarati, Arabic, some Somali and AP Spanish,” Derek listed off.

“Oh my God, AP Spanish doesn’t count, you nerd,” Leila interrupted. “And fucking tell him before I do, because you need someone who can keep an eye on you so that the shit show of Monday night doesn’t happen again. You notice he wasn’t sleeping?” She pointed at Dex, whose eyes were bulging out their sockets.

“Uh… Maybe, yeah, I guess. But I didn’t think— That’s just college, though.”

She huffed. “Yeah, for some students it might be. Where’s your bathroom?”

Derek sighed and pointed the way she needed to go. When she had slammed the door behind her, he spent a few seconds pulling at the blankets where she had been sat. Finally, he looked up to meet Dex’s eye. “I’m sorry I lied about my parents. That’s not why that birthday sucked, but it was always the easier thing to say. It’s always what I told everyone else, and soon as I knew the truth about yours, going back on what I’d said seemed like it would hurt you more. I can’t— I don’t want you to think I’m a mess if I tell you.”

“I already think you’re a complete train-wreck, Nursey, it’s okay.” An amused smirk played on his lips, but he quickly seemed to realize it was the wrong thing to say, because he got up and took up Leila’s vacated spot on the bed. “Shit, I don’t mean that. I mean, you let me think you had shitty parents just because mine are dead, which is a bit messed up, but whatever it is, you can tell me, okay? No judgement.”

“I don’t know how to—” Derek shook his head and fell silent.

“Why don’t you start with what happened on Monday night. At Hazeapalooza, does she mean? You weren’t even drinking that much, so—”

“Yeah, but I was on pills that I’m not supposed to drink anything with. Well, technically, the ones I take every day say not to drink with them, but I know my limits with them normally and I can work around it. When I’m taking the extra lot I can’t. I got paranoid quicker, and dizzy and shit which didn’t help. But, uh, the short of it is that I have bipolar. And recently I’ve been slipping into a manic episode, so— Uh. Yeah, so that’s a thing, and now you know.”

Dex reached out and wrapped his hand around Derek’s. “What, uh… What exactly does that mean? For you. If you don’t— I mean, I can Google symptoms and stuff if you don’t want to talk about it.”

“Right. Yeah. Uh, well before I was on medication, it got really bad. I used to hallucinate. It was like someone was sat there telling me to do things, and I had no sense of why it was a bad idea. There was this one time I was absolutely convinced that me and my friends would be able to go clubbing even though we were fifteen and none of us had fake ID. Mostly back then it was compulsively buying things, booking holidays, that sort of shit. I don’t sleep, and just feel really pumped up. I could do anything.”

“But Monday—”

“Monday we fought, and then I found out something I shouldn’t, and I got about as stressed as is possible for me. I hit a limit and it’s like my brain short circuits, and I dissociate. It’s like having an out of body experience, but… less spiritual or whatever. It wasn’t too bad. Shitty sort of knew what was going on, and caught it early. The further I’m into it, the harder it is to get me out, but Monday I was aware. I don’t think I even lost any time.”

Dex frowned and rubbed his thumb over Derek’s knuckles. “How long can it last, then?”

“I’ve lost three days before. I woke up on Monday thinking that it was Friday. The whole weekend had just gone. The longest I’d count as normal for me is a couple of hours, though, if I’m on lithium.”

“And bipolar… That’s swings, right? So you have, uh… downs? As well?”

“Depressive episodes. I guess I have a few months of mania and then some time of just normal, and then a few months of depression. But I’m on mood stabilisers, so you shouldn’t have to worry about that happening.”

“Let me know if it does, though. Please? You’re my d-man, I’ve gotta have your back. I won’t ghost you again, I promise. I just— it’s hard to fight with you when we can’t get any space from each other to cool down after. But me having your back is more important than a stupid little fight.”

Derek sighed and rested his head on Dex’s shoulder. “Okay. Thank-you. I will. Let you know, that is.” He felt the brush of Dex’s lips over his forehead and he smiled softly.

“So everything’s okay?” Dex asked, “With your parents?”

“They’re the best. They’re both coming to family weekend, actually, so you’ll meet them.”

After a moment’s silence, Dex spoke again. “AP Spanish definitely doesn’t count. I did that, too, and got a 5 and I only count myself as speaking one language. It’s like knowing a bit of ASL doesn’t count. I couldn’t hold up a conversation with a native speaker.”

“Are you saying you know ASL?”

“Not much. Most people can at least do the alphabet, right?”

Derek shrugged. “You wanna take Spanish with me next semester? Get the language requirement out the way?”

“Couldn’t you just take Arabic?”

“It’s more interesting if I get to learn something new. We only have to do one course of it if we got a 5, right?”

“Your sister’s right, you’re a nerd.”

Derek grinned and snuggled into Dex’s neck. After a pause, Dex tugged on him so that Derek ended up in his lap, and lay back against the wall, cradling him in his arms.

“Tell me what helps?”

Derek hummed. “This is helping. Touch. It’s grounding. I have my blanket and Tigger for that too. Reminders to eat and drink and take my pills are important but I’ll probably get irritated with you for not trusting me to remember them on my own. It depends on my mood, I guess. But… Yeah. This is helping a lot.” He suppressed a yawn. Dex’s lips brushed against his forehead, and Derek lifted his chin for a proper kiss.

They sprang apart when Leila walked back in, Derek tripping over himself to get out of Dex’s lap, but she regarded them both with a discerning look and shrugged. “Hey, I’m not going to judge what you two get up to in your own bedroom. I’m craving Thai.”

“Okay, let’s go get food.” Derek pulled himself up off the bed, and looked back at Dex. “Are you coming?”

“Uh, no, I told Chowder I’d meet him at dinner so we can work on some coding. Uh, and I think I need a bit of time to process. Research. Stuff like that.”

Derek nodded and walked away without saying anything else. He wasn’t sure how to handle the fact that he really wanted to kiss Dex again to say goodbye. That wasn’t something they did.

[tedcatchpole-blog]

Narcos season 3 review

Narcos. Season 3 episodes 1-3

I went into watching this, knowing that there have been parts of the previous seasons I have not enjoyed but that the overall entertainment I received certainly made it worth my while sticking with it. It is quite often the case with recent TV series, I think of Hannibal and Boardwalk Empire , particularly the latter with killing off, to my mind, the strongest character at the end of season 2 (Michael Pitt as Jimmy Darmody), that you get episodes that do not live up to previous standards. Sometimes this can be more than just one or two episodes, sometimes half a series. This is particularly risky when (as in the aforementioned Hannibal, it is the first episodes in a new season. That is how you lose a viewer. Hannibal nearly lost me in the first tedious half of season 2 but I was very glad I stuck with it as I found the latter portion of said series to be impeccable entertainment.

So in series 3 of Narcos, I have found both aspects. They have killed off a major character, pretty much the main character, especially considering the blandness of the narrator and hero of the first two series, Steve. He is rather an empty vessel, and more so up against the colourful and grandiose Pablo Escobar, who was (more or less) in sync with history, killed at the end of the last series.

So we have gone into the new series with the charismatic villain dead and some businessmen and a playboy taking over.

When the new series starts we are left to deduce for ourselves that the main protagonist from seasons 1 and 2, Boyd Holdbrooks DEA agent Stephen Murphy, is not in in with us for season 3. Our new narrator is the womanising previously decamped agent Pena. A man with a Derek Zoolander approach to facial expressions, except he has two looks, apologetic and sorry.

He is back in the fray due to his knowledge of the current antagonists, the Cali Cartel. The rivals to Escobar who have taken over in his absence and increased cocaine production and distribution to the USA, particularly New York as we find out. I did like Javier Pena. I wish they had eased up on the reluctant womaniser cliche, it's very tired, but if the first episode is anything to go by. They are not.

He is back on the case. After a really arbitrary group of scenes at his home town, one of many really clumpy and lazy season 3 exposition scenes, where he meets an old flame who he apparently treated badly but has forgiven him because after he left her she found true love, then with his sage-like father warning him, just as he did years before, to not be naive in the big bad world, we see him back in Colombia. He has been asked back but told it has to be by the book. He has a well meaning but geeky team under him, and he is told that it is not a gunfight. It will not be like Pablo. It will be intelligence led. A welcome return is made by the convincing Bill Stechner as the contentious CIA station chief who previously ousted Havi Pena only to be the one who called him back. They get off to a predictably unfriendly start as they meet in a bar (halfway through agent Pena picking up on a woman in a bar when he is feeling down about things ...yawn…) but I think he is a better foil for Pena than the beige-misted Steve Murphy.

As far as the baddies go, as the end of season 2 showed us, its the Cali Cartel. They are very different to Pablo and his Medellin outfit, they are known as the “Gentlemen of Cali”, where Pablo welcomed publicity,fame, and public adoration, they eschew it. In the last series, they were shown to be very tough but not as ruthless as Pablo. In the last series we were shown that they were like bankers. They were cutthroat but only in a business sense, at least at the top.

However, at the beginning of series 3 we have been shown, rather clumsily I think, that they can be as violent and brutal as El Padrone was. For example, the non-related member of the Cali bosses, Pacho Herrera, was shown to be as sadisticly violent as anyone else when he had a rival narco with whom he had an undisclosed beef, ripped limb from limb by motorcycles. Unfortunately this incident was so clearly nothing more than a force-fed way to show the audience that the Cali guys were also tough and nasty that it felt obtuse and clunky. Remember in the Godfather II when they have the prostitute murdered by Al Neri just to blackmail the Senator? Apparently that was included to remind the audience how vile the Mafia was, after the seemingly quite forgivable actions in the first made them come across as sort of rough diamond bad guys killing worse guys. So imagine if that subtle and excellent subtext had been done at the end of the first movie in a post credits scene, if Al Neri after he had expertly gunned down Don Barzini went to his hideout apartment and after a hallway encounter over nothing more than a loudly slammed door had been shown gutting an innocent mother in front of her children and giving a wink as the camera closes in on his eye, then that is what we have here.  Anyway, they are all reintroduced, the leader, Gilberto Rodriguez, is cold blooded, yet maybe a bit distanced from the day to day cocaine business and therefore not maybe as aggressively ruthless as the more involved bosses of past and present, but it seems in no way unclear, he is numero uno. Then his brother Miguel, a rather enigmatic type, who seems to have a motive in playing saviour to a rival's wife (the aforementioned chap ripped apart by suzukis) but it appears sex is not the reason. It leaves a question open but I am not sure if it is interesting enough to take up much screen time.

The main issue, revealed at the close of the first episode is that the Cali cartel is disbanding, withdrawing from Cocaine and will hand themselves in. This is to happen in six months. The plan is for deals made through bribery and legal manipulation, the top guys will serve no time and will have plenty to retire on, and for the mid levels who will serve some time, they have six months during which they are to go all out to make as much money as possible, to go totally balls-out so they can serve a few months and have plenty saved to make it a worthwhile sacrifice to be able to live free of legal scrutiny. This decision was made purely by the top bosses. Obviously there were voices of dissent. The way they are discovered is classy television. Great editing and gripping action. The goal will now be for the authorities to get them before the six months expires.

We have the snidey accountant. The immensely well played (by Javier Camara) Guillermo Pallomari.  A man who seems to be what the Nazi propaganda tried to make Jewish people look like to German children in the mid 1930s. Slimy, unethical, selfish, and happy to see others suffer. He is certainly likely to be a pivotal role in this seasons shenanigans. Also there is the equally enjoyable yet far more likeable Jorge Salcedo. He is the Cali’s head of security. A tortured man, he was planning on leaving to start his own security firm but after being told of the six-month plot he is asked (“asked”) to stay on. Alongside a burgeoning resentment from the obviously spoiled and incapable David Rodriguez, son of the Cartel's boss,Gilberto We see soon how he is not a man of cartel ethics. At the party where the Rodriguez brothers announce their grand plan he discovers a waiter who is wearing a wire. We also see what a fully competent security operative he is. HE shows the waiter he knows who has sent him and why and gives him a final and clear chance to leave Cali, he then disorientates the DEA agents who set the trap with consummate ease. Also we see him expertly foil a DEA raid to the aforementioned icky accountants office. The accountants arrogance nearly cost the Cali boys everything but Jorge using his strength, guile, and wit prevents it. I really do look forward to seeing how he arcs through the series  

Agent Pena is for some reason being cited as a hero at the agency. He has gone from a regular agent to some sort of supercop, which given the sacrifices made by the Colombian forces and the other domestic and foreign agencies coupled with the fact he was not present at Escobar's death seems a little unlikely. Anyway, with this status he is in some sort of role (referred to as a “promotion” but at no point yet given a title or description) that leaves a vacancy for the roles filled by him and the strangely unmentioned Stephen Murphy. So step forward agents Feistl and Van Ness. Introduced as such a blatantly low grade version of Pena and Murphy I thought I had tuned into a franchised remake on a public access channel. They even look the same, but come across as….remember the movie The Beach, the two air head surfer stoners Sammy and Zeph that end up ruining it all with their stupidity? They reminded me of exactly those guys (not the book characters, for those who remember the book will know why).

They are made out to be bumbling and incompetent. One (Feistl) is played to be over zealous and naive and the other one (the other one) is played as phoning his job in and completely disinterested.

However, they appear by episode three to actually be very able, determined and, were it not for the sharp response of the Jack Bauer-esque Cali security chief, the guys who could have bought the Cartel down.

So If you want to know is it any good? Yes it is. If you had asked me that after episode 2 I might have replied differently, but episode three just like in Hannibal and Boardwalk, has made me glad I persisted and reminded me why I liked this series so much.

There are many careless scenes. Some really clunky exposition, and there are gaps left where there needs to be a bridge of some sort.

If I am asked can this series survive without Escobar, I would have said after two hours, no. Yet I am starting to think that the threads cast by the accountant, security chief, new agents, and the political tension wickedly stirred up by CIA spook Stechner are all going to weave into a really gripping re-telling of  real life events

[undefeatednils]

Just 13 YouTubers I Love

Internet videos: certainly the dominant kind of content I currently consume, and it’s one which allows for very diverse voices on different issues. So I wanted to showcase some YouTube channels which I watch, all of which are relatively unknown (all of them are below 200k subs, and only six of which are above 100k subs). Now please note that I can’t watch everything, so keep that in mind please. Anyways, I’m gonna sort them based on the subscriber count in ascending order. Enjoy!

#1: Laura Kate (aka Laura K Buzz)

Laura Kate’s channel isn’t super popular, but this video game journalist isn’t a complete unknown. She’s host or co-host on several podcasts, including The jimquisition Podcast, and has written for both gaming and general outlets such as Destructoid, Kotaku UK, and The Guardian. Her channel consists mainly of gameplay, though my favorites are her opinion pieces and news coverage. Oh and she recently started a podcast with the two girls from Geek Remix (you’ll hear more about them later; spoilers) talking about videogame-inspired pornography, which is super unique, tasteful, and fun. Bonus point: she’s an very out and proud transwoman in a cismale dominated landscape, so her presence is doubly welcome. And to be honest this is really just a big shout-out to her work overall and not only her YouTube channel, so... Check out her stuff.

#2: Jackson Bird (jackisnotabird)

Jackson Bird is a YouTube icon, despite his criminally low subscription count. He’s been active on YouTube over six years, mostly as a vlogger and both in front and behind the camera at the Harry Potter Alliance, but he has two other claims to fame: first of all there is his Grade A “why isn’t this a trend?” show Will it Waffle, where he tests if certain food items (and occasionally non-toxic non-food items) work if put into a waffle iron, and secondly he is an LGBTQ rights and education advocate for as long as he’s been on YouTube... Which makes a lot of sense for a bisexual transguy who’s been very open about his gender identity and transition. Overall his content (outside of his vlogs on his side channel) are a bit sporadic but definitely worth a look.

#3: rantasmo Three words: Needs. More. Gay. Rantasmo has been creating his little show on LGBT culture for over seven years now and it’s delightful and educational. In his videos, where he for instance covers topics like Game of Thrones, beards, Undertale, and The Wizard of Oz, he examines how LGBT people are portrayed and treated, what queerbating is, and lots more stuff. None of his videos are super long, like rarely do his videos last longer than 9 minutes, but they are still very entertaining and educational, so I highly recommend binging on a few of his more recent episodes to get you started.

#4: No Small Parts Productions I love watching movies and I presume you do, too. And occasionally you just notice either certain actors who you swear you’ve seen before but don’t know their name, or they just stand out in general but you have never heard of them. No Small Parts is a YouTube video essay series which covers exactly that. Run by bit-part actor Brandon Hardesty, No Small Parts provides lovingly crafted retrospectives on the lives and works on character actors. Thus far Hardesty has covered people like Crispin Glover, André the Giant, Darlene Cates, Scatman Crothers, and several others. It’s super fascinating, and all episodes are over 20 minutes long. He also has started to expand the channel to talk more about underrated movies and other related stuff, so it’s gonna be interesting to see how this channel develops. 

#5: rewboss

Andrew Bossom is a British man living in Germany... And as a German who is very much entrenched in the culture of the “traditional anglosphere”, that alone makes his videos appealing to me. Rewboss is a culture guy, and it shows. The German language, customs, travel destinations... He talks about it all and has been doing so for years. He originally even did half of his videos in German, but eventually dropped the habit because his German viewership didn’t really need it anymore. But anyways, Rewboss has been a YouTube educator for ages now, and he has even dabbled in helping other YouTubers, so a bunch of his older stuff might be of interest to you if you wanna get some basics in regarding the topic of online video. I’ve been a fan of his work for years and I think he deserves your attention, too.

#6: KyleKallgrenBHH (Brows Held High) My love for cinema is shining through again, this time with professional movie critic Kyle Kallgren, host of Brows Held High. Brows Held High looks primarily at arthaus movies, the avantgarde, the artistically noteworthy entries into the cinematic canon, though occasionally you also get William Shakespeare (basically every June), as well as yearly retrospectives and thematic analysis of both movies and occasionally other media like video games or theater. So if you are looking for very “high brow” stuff, Kyle is your man. Just be warned that some of the material he covers can be a bit NSFW visually and audibly, so keep that in mind once you tune into his work.

#7: Innuendo Studios

And we’re back at video games again, at least for the most part. Innuendo Studios, run by Ian Danskin, is definitely part of the more intellectual portion of this list but his videos are still very much approachable. Theories on authorship, genre death, the nature of coolness, and narrative are all explored here in a bunch of wonderful video essays ranging from short-ish to over an hour long, with that particular example being a series of videos about the psychology and history of Gamergate from a feminist point of view. The videos might be scarce but they are super smart and well-sourced. Dive in, you’ll definitely enjoy Ian’s work.

#8: Stop Skeletons From Fighting (formerly The Happy Video Game Nerd)

We all need positivity in our lives and SSFF is definitely the kind of positivity I think the video game crowd should try to emulate. SSFF is an examination of videos from a very critical but also loving point of view, looking at forgotten or maligned games and looking for what they can teach and what they did right and wrong; looking at certain aspects of video gaming history, including behind the scenes information... All that and more has been part of Derek Alexander’s work for several years now. If you wanna learn more about what makes good video games good and you do already watch Extra Credits, then do yourself a favor and check out Derek’s videos. I can also recommend his pre-SSFF stuff, back when he called himself the Happy Video Game Nerd, a character he created as a response to the negativity-focused reviewer culture during YouTube’s early days as exemplified by the Angry Video Game Nerd and the Nostalgia Critic, though of course those videos are relatively ancient. #9: Jenny Nicholson Confession time: about seven years or so ago I was quite into My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. It was a good show back then and I was always a sucker for fun musical numbers, so it was a nice fit (plus I didn’t know how toxic the brony subculture was becoming so that didn’t hamper my enjoyment of it). But anyways, I actually stumbled across Nicholson for the first time during that time period because she was making an abridged series of MLP: FIM called Friendship is Witchcraft, which was and IMO still is hilarious. She voiced all of the female characters (except Celestia), and when Hasbro was putting an end to it via copyright strikes, I lost sight of Nicholson... But earlier this year I rediscovered her and her wonderful, wonderful snark. If you enjoy nitpicking apart blockbusters, especially Star Wars, then Jenny is your gal. She could give screenwriting classes, her stuff is that good and funny. She’s also recently been hired by ScreenJunkies to host the Star Wars-centered Millenial Falcon, which I also recommend if you love the old SW like myself. Also we have officially passed the 100k subscriber threshold, so we’re talking about the popular kids now! #10: hbomberguy British people are inherently funny- and smart-sounding, even though most aren’t (I’m sorry British people; feel free to make as many Germany-bashing jokes as you’d like). But hbomberguy definitely is both smart and funny. Whether he is talking about (British) politics, responding to YouTube “skeptics” or MRAs, or ranting about media for hours, he’s always a joy to watch and hear. Probably one of my favorite videos of his is his almost two hour long masterpiece “Sherlock is Garbage, And Here’s Why”, in which he finally managed to put into words why Sherlock’s fourth season was the worst and why Moffat is just a horrible, horrible showrunner including on Doctor Who, which is something that has hampered by enjoyment of Doctor Who and I was’t even fully aware of it and can finally express myself on this topic the way I’ve been wanting to for ages, and that should be enough of an endorsement from my end.

#11: Folding Ideas Dan, the Foldable Human, is an expert on editing, working behind the scenes in the movie industry, how YouTube works, and how culture shapes media. I honestly can’t even summarize this channel even further because I’ve hit the nail on the head and just want to you watch this Canadian guy and hear him talk about mostly movies. “The Art of Editing and Suicide Squad” is a very good starting point in his videography, close to 1 million views, and it is everything you need to know about this channel in a 35 minute long package. Just check out at least that video and if you like what you’ve seen, dig deeper. You most likely won’t regret it.

#12: Lindsay Ellis (The Nostalgia Chick) We have reached “the big ones”! Lindsay Ellis has been in online video for almost a decade now and she has mastered the art of the video essay. She’s been looking at media from a feminist perspective for ages now and her body of work speaks for herself. 90-ish episodes of The Nostalgia Chick, 23 episodes and counting for Loose Canon, where she examines how different characters have been portrayed throughout the years, thus far nine long-form video essays, and her recent series The Whole Plate, where she covers the basics of film studies by looking at Michael Bay’s Transformers. Check out her stuff, I implore you. You will spend hours watching her content and learn so, so much!

#13: Geek Remix (Mari and Stacy)

You love fun let’s plays hosted by several people but think that there should be more women doing so, too? Me, too! And that means you’ll probably enjoy Geek Remix, aka Mari and Stacy, who are two lovely ladies playing so many games! Night in the Woods, Dragon Age Inquisition, Resident Evil 7, Life is Strange, Contradiction: Spot the Liar, and so many more. Otherwise you can also expect theory videos, conversations about human sexuality, easter egg listings, and a lot of other fun stuff on their channel, which with about 147k subs is definitely the most popular channel on this list. Special shoutout to my friend @hella-flawless-amythyst who introduced me to them, so if you get sucked in by Mari and Stacy’s charm, you can “blame” her, too (if you actually blame her I will hunt you down though). So... That was my list. Lots of stuff on there, sadly nothing music-related if you were looking for that (but if you speak/understand German, I highly recommend Bina Bianca, who is just adorable and is an honorable mention), but I hope that you’ve found a channel or two that might interest you. This took ages to write, by the way xD