#i actually have their church cookbook somewhere i think

[joodeegemstone]

anyone else still have an old church lady casserole they make as an adult for nostalgic reasons

[bleachbleachbleach]

The Horrors!!!!!!!

This whole saga deserves and will receive B3′s full attention when we find the time, but one of these offerings required a wartime emergency post:

If I have ever wondered what “the horrors” referred to on Tumblr, now I know, and it’s whatever is happening on this plate. The ONLY thing that could possibly make this dish more horrifying to me than it already is at first glance is the description under it because, friends, this may look like a dish prepared in the kitchen of a Teletubby, with a healthy serving of Tubby Custard, but: 

this is a meat dish

there are multiple kinds of meat in this 

that dark blue gelatin stuff? consommé-flavored

this is a fruit dish

there are oranges and apples hiding in there somewhere

is that sad looking lettuce in the back a version of a Waldorf salad?

From what terrible postwar American military outpost in Japan did Hitsugaya draw inspiration for this mid-century American monstrosity??? With the modern “okay but make it 90s” (e.g. “make it a weird color/channel Flubber”) spin, to boot? 

In fairness, it was “inspired by” Hitsugaya, not “created by.” Given his reaction to Orihime’s confections, he probably had no hand in this. But if he were forced into Gotei Iron Chef Teambuilding Day, I could see this either representing “Hitsugaya Team Minimal Effort” or “Hitsugaya Team Underprepared for the Assignment.” You’d think “Team Minimal Effort” would have a slight edge between these possibilities, because would he be interested in Gotei Iron Chef Teambuilding Day? No. But it’s also not has though he hasn’t put maximal effort into things he actively does not care about (e.g. Ikkaku’s Living World Kendou Team), purely by default. 

If it’s someone else’s creation, I don’t think Orihime would do him this dirty, because 1) I think Orihime’s confections probably actually taste good, just sound weird, and 2) I think she would take the “inspired by” part of the assignment more seriously, and let what she knows about Hitsugaya guide her creation.

I think Matsumoto absolutely would make this, and that her creative vision would be driven primarily by the fact that Gotei Iron Chef Team building day comes with a budget and you can buy whatever you want with it. Obviously you take the opportunity to sample all the weird stuff. Matsumoto has definitely sat down and read a 1950s “overseas cookbook” cover to cover, and you know she’s been waiting for this opportunity. ACTUALLY, LOL, I know exactly what cookbook she read. This is a c1920s-30s cookbook that’s bilingual English/Japanese, with all-Anglo/American recipes inside. I think this particular one was distributed by a church mission, but there were others that were similar, and developed in Occupied Japan after WWII:

Bottom Line: Have I invented 37 different scenarios where The Horrors gets folded into Bleach canon as I know it? Absolutely. Were I in Japan, would I shell out $14 for The Horrors? Yes, I would eat it. I would eat all of them. I’ve been collecting ingredients for a Matsumoto birthday dinner I planned back in June; of course I would eat the horrible Hitsugaya hand pie. I am your target audience, horrible Hitsugaya CHEESE PIE BOUCHE

[thepropertylovers]

Feature Friday with Matthew Chaffee

Happy Friday, friends. Though the weeks are running together and what day it is means almost nothing anymore, we’re so happy it’s finally the weekend. The last few weeks have been some of the busiest for us (feeling grateful for that) and we’re looking forward to relaxing just a bit this weekend. Do you have any fun plans?

This week’s Feature Friday is Matthew, who shares what it was like growing up in a conservative environment, the response he got from his senior high school class when he came out in front of them by reading an essay (!), and his advice for those struggling to come out. We enjoyed getting to know Matthew and we think you will, too. See what we mean below…

What is your favorite place you’ve ever traveled to and why? Unfortunately, my answer to this question isn’t very exciting. Growing up, my family never had a lot of extra money to spend on traveling, so most of our vacations consisted of road trips around the Midwest. Don’t get me wrong, I got to see some fascinating places and make great memories with my family, but I haven’t been anywhere particularly exotic. I have been to New York City twice, both times for a music department tour in high school, and I’d have to say that it’s probably my favorite place I’ve traveled to. It was so much bigger and so much more cosmopolitan than anything I had ever seen or was used to, so it was quite overwhelming. The sheer vibrancy of it all – the lights, the smells, the languages – was intoxicating. Attending a performance of Phantom of the Opera on Broadway would probably have to go on my list of top ten life experiences thus far. It’s definitely not somewhere I could live for any length of time, but for somewhere to visit, it was phenomenal. 

Where did you grow up? What was your environment like? I’ve spent the entirety of my life living in West Michigan, which, as you may or may not know, is pretty traditional and conservative. More specifically, I’m from Grandville, which is a city of about 16,000 located in the Greater Grand Rapids area. Dutch heritage and Reformed (Protestant) Christian values play a big role in shaping the culture of the circles I grew up in. I attended a Christian Reformed Church, and I was educated in a private Christian school where my graduating class consisted of approximately seventy students. My family consists of myself, my mother, my father, and my brother, who is five years younger than me. I am very close with my parents, and I’d say my relationship with my brother is typical of siblings with our age gap. Family and faith have always been central parts of my life, and I don’t foresee that changing. 

How did your environment growing up shape who you are as a person? Growing up in a pretty conservative area definitely had an impact on my younger years. I remember in elementary school, like many children, I would parrot my parents’ political views when “discussing” politics with my peers. However, with the growing revelation about my sexuality that came with puberty, my views slowly began to change. Another catalyst for my shifting views occurred in middle school, when a good friend of mine was deported to Guatemala due to an error in her parents’ paperwork. The injustice of it all really impacted me and opened my eyes to a world that before had been largely hidden. High school gave me my first opportunity to connect with international students. As I have always been interested in learning about different cultures, I quickly befriended them and even helped start my high school’s International Club, which provided opportunities for American and international students to interact and attend various cultural events. Finally, my Aunt Dawn and Uncle Tim have played a major role in exposing me to issues concerning social justice. Although both of them grew up in West Michigan – just like my parents – their life circumstances have provided them with opportunities not experienced by most of my other family members. Because of this, they have always stood out to me as being somehow “different”, more engaged and more vibrant and passionate than most people I know. As I grew older and began paying more attention to the things my Aunt and Uncle would talk about, I began to realize the value behind the causes they were advocating. When taken together, my friends, my family, my sexuality, and my desire to continuously learn and expand my horizons have shaped me into who I am today. 

What’s one interesting fact about you? Besides English, I’m speak conversational Spanish and basic French and Korean. I also can play piano and trumpet, and I love to sing (though I don’t know if I’m any good or not, since I’m too shy to sing in front of anyone). 

What is one thing you love about yourself? Learning to love myself hasn’t been easy; it’s a process, and definitely something I’m still working on. But one thing I’ve always been proud of is my imagination. I’m a dreamer, and my mind is a wild place. I keep a running note on my phone of all the random, crazy things I think up so that maybe someday I can make them happen. 

What brings you the most joy in life? Oh boy. There are so many things I could talk about here. I love being outdoors. In particular, I love to bike. Bike trails are plentiful where I live, and Grand Rapids has begun to install bike lanes, so getting around and finding new places to ride is a cinch. My favorite ride is from Grand Rapids out to Lake Michigan, which I do a few times every summer with my best friend. Other outdoor activities I enjoy are hiking and hammocking. I firmly believe that everyone should own a good hammock. In addition to outdoor activities, I love to cook and bake. My specialties are ice cream and gourmet mac & cheese. Someday I hope to write a mac & cheese cookbook and title it “MAC: The Complete Guy to Everyone’s Childhood Favorite” (M-A-C are my initials). I also make a mean hummus. I love to learn. I’ve spent countless hours on Wikipedia reading about the most arbitrary topics. Whether it’s German political parties or the Japanese folklore, I’ve probably read about it. Nothing is off limits. As a result, my mind is a veritable treasure trove of random and mostly useless facts. Finally, I find joy in spending quality time with friends and family. Whether it’s playing ultimate frisbee, exploring a new city, dumpster diving at Krispy Kreme (a tradition at my college), or having late-night campfire talks, I’m down for just about anything as long as I’m with the right people. 

How old were you when you came out? What was your experience like? My coming out experience was a rather long process. Pretty much as soon as I began to have romantic feelings toward people, I realized that I had them for both guys and girls. This was around fourth or fifth grade, and I told myself that it was normal, that I wasn’t actually attracted to guys, but that I just knew that some guys were really good-looking. Once I reached middle school, I started to come to terms with the fact that maybe I was attracted to guys. But I continued to tell myself that I was more attracted to girls. I did the whole “percentage” thing, where I was like, “okay, I’m eighty percent straight, twenty percent gay.” I first came out as bisexual to my friend Carly. Freshman year of high school I told a few more friends that I was bi, and it went over pretty well. Sophomore year I briefly dated a girl, then junior year I began dating another girl. That lasted for about a year until we broke up early spring of my senior year. The breakup gave me a lot to think about, but even while dating her I realized that something never really felt right; I could never really imagine myself with her – or with any girl for that matter – for the long term. After much soul searching, I finally accepted that I was gay. One of the last big projects senior year was the “Where I Stand” paper. This was an essay written by every senior for English class, and it was basically an opportunity to say whatever you wanted and to be really open and vulnerable and reflect on your life leading up to that point. I decided to incorporate my coming out into my paper. It wasn’t the central focus, rather more of a side note. Thankfully, my English teacher, Mrs. Hoeve (now Dr. Hoeve) was extremely supportive throughout the process. On the day when everyone shared their papers, I concluded mine to thunderous applause, which was especially remarkable considering the fact that most of my classmates came from the same conservative, Reformed Christian background as I did. On the whole, I couldn’t have asked for a better coming-out experience at school. 

How did your friends and family take it? Did you face any backlash? How did/do you deal with that? I waited to come out to my parents until after my graduation and open house in order to not burden them with the news. Finally, after the celebrations had ended, I let them read my paper. The fifteen minutes or so that I waited in my room while they read it downstairs were the most agonizing of my life, because I knew how earth-shattering the revelation would be to them. When they finally came up to my room, their expressions were pretty much what I’d expected – reassuring, yet somehow disheartening at the same time. They assured me that they still loved me, that they were proud of me, and that they were glad I had told them. Since that time, we have only discussed my sexuality on a few occasions. When I first told them that I was dating a guy, it was almost like coming out all over again; I think that revelation finally made my sexuality real to them. In the intervening time, I have seen my mom making definite strides in becoming more open-minded not just toward me but in general, which is great. My dad, though he accepts and loves me, is very set in his ways – though, to be fair, I have had fewer conversations with him regarding my sexuality. My dad’s parents disowned me when I came out to them, though that hasn’t had much of an impact on me due to the fact that I was never very close to them. My mom’s parents, on the other hand, have always been incredible grandparents to me, so coming out to them, especially knowing their stance on other issues, was pretty nerve- wracking. Incredibly, the news didn’t seem to affect them at all, and their treatment of me since that time hasn’t differed in the least; they are still the loving, generous grandparents I’ve always known, and for that I’m extremely thankful. My friends have all been very accepting as well, though this was to be expected considering I have always associated with my more relaxed, open-minded peers. 

What did you learn about yourself in the coming out process? One of the most meaningful lessons I’ve learned about myself in the coming-out process is truly understanding what I value and stand for. I was raised as a Christian, and my faith is still very important to me. If anything, it’s actually become stronger as I’ve navigated the ups and downs of my journey with my sexuality. I’ve talked with numerous gay men who, at one point or another, renounced religion for various reasons, but often those reasons involved the church’s negative treatment or exclusion of LGBTQ+ individuals. To me, this is heartbreaking. As someone who identifies both as gay and as a Christian, seeing the false dichotomy that has been constructed around these two identities is challenging and frustrating, because I personally don’t believe that such exclusivity has any place in either institution. At its core, Christianity is about love. Sure, there are endless theological arguments to be made, but I don’t believe that these are necessary in order for a Christian to be accepting of another’s sexuality. Indeed, many of my friends are Christians; these are the same friends who accept my sexuality and wholeheartedly support me. Furthermore, the professors at the private Christian university I attend vehemently assert that Christianity and social justice go hand- in-hand, and that this includes advocacy for LGBTQ+ rights. Seeing this kind of support coming from within circles that are often viewed as hostile toward the LGBTQ+ community has been so incredibly encouraging. Not only has this served to reinforce my identity as both a gay man and a Christian, but it has also provided me with confidence when speaking about these issues. 

What would you tell today’s LGBTQ youth who are struggling to come out in fear they won’t be accepted by family, friends, society? You just might be surprised. People you’d never expect to support you will rally around you and love you. It’s also possible that people who truly care about you, but who may not be supportive right now, will have a change of heart when they find out. Sometimes it takes time. Case in point: my own parents, who are still processing and learning about what it means to have a gay son. Know, too, that family can mean more than one thing. Friends are the family you choose, so seek out and surround yourself with people who will love and accept you for who you are, especially if your actual family doesn’t. As cliché as it sounds, it does get better. Sometimes you just have to put in the effort to make it better for yourself and accept the challenges along the way. 

What is a difficult or challenging obstacle you have overcame in your life, or hope to overcome? By far the most difficult obstacle I’ve had to overcome in my life has been my struggle with mental illness, namely anxiety and depression. I was extremely anxious as a young child, to the point where I would induce vomiting before any sort of performance or sporting event so that it wouldn’t happen while on stage or on the field. Looking back, I think my anxiety was to blame for a lot of missed opportunities. For example, I don’t view myself as a particularly athletic person. But is this actually true? Or did I just never really try for fear of failure? Anxiety also manifests itself in my relationships. Elementary school friendships were rocky at best, and college presented its own challenges with meeting people and putting myself out there. More recently, depression has been a major struggle in my life. As I mentioned, I struggled initially to make friends at college (though this has since changed), and as I result, I became very depressed. I saw all the people around me getting settled into their friend groups while I felt alone. There was a point where my loneliness led me to seriously contemplate suicide, and I believe that perhaps the only thing that stopped me was when a friend checked in on me and gave me a hug. Since that time, I’ve been working on slowly but surely moving my center of identity to within myself, rather than placing it in other people and their judgements of me. I am focusing on pursuing my hobbies and interests, taking time to care for myself, and accepting my emotions as valid while simultaneously analyzing them through an objective lens. By doing this, I have become less worried about maintaining relationships and instead have been able to be present and actually enjoy them while also feeling more comfortable in the times when I’m alone. 

Who is your biggest inspiration and why? My biggest inspiration is my mom’s sister Dawn. She is one of the wisest, most thoughtful, and most gracious people I know. I actually came out to her before I told my parents; due to her close relationship with my mom, I knew she would have some good suggestions for how to break the news to them, and that she would be able to help my mom process the news after the fact. To give an idea of the type of person Dawn is, here’s a little anecdote: When I worked as a Resident Assistant in college, I had a resident come out to me. I was thrilled and honored to have him entrust me with such a significant part of his identity, and I really valued the opportunity to walk alongside him in his journey. I mentioned to him the role Dawn had played in my own coming-out process, and he asked if she might be willing to offer some advice to his mom. I reached out to Dawn, and she willingly agreed. I came to find out later from this resident that his mother and my aunt had talked for over an hour on the phone. I don’t know very many people who would go so far out of their way to help and support a complete stranger. 

Where do you see yourself in five years? Oh boy. Honestly, I try not to plan too far ahead, because that can be dangerous for an overthinking dreamer like me. But if I had to say, five years from now I actually hope to be doing exactly what you guys (PJ & Thomas) are doing. I joke that my dream is to have my own HGTV show, and while the odds of that happening are slim to none, I’d be happy to flip houses and develop property even without a TV show. I also hope to meet the man of my dreams, get married, and start a family, though this might take a little longer than five years down the road to happen. My greatest fear is actually never finding love. I know it seems a little ridiculous for a twenty-one-year-old to be worrying about that sort of thing, but it’s hard when you have friends who have been in serious relationships for years or who are getting engaged. I have to keep reminding myself that people find love at different times and in different places, and that I shouldn’t compare my own journey with others’.

Any last words you want to leave people with? Feel free to share! Feel free to message me! I always love getting to meet new people and hear their stories.

Thank you so much, Matthew! You can follow him on Instagram here. Hope you have a great weekend, friends!! xx

P&T

[sagamemes]

love and other disasters (2006) sentence starters.   below the cut, you’ll find a total of 140 lines of dialogue from love and other disasters. as per usual, feel free to alter diction, pronouns and anything else your heart desires. i’ve edited slightly to fit roleplay and randomised the order. warnings for sexual themes, aids mention, marihuana use, cheating.

❝  well, actually i was just having lunch across the street and came to tell you the good news in person.  ❞

❝  why is it that as soon as i fall in love with a man, he abandons me?  ❞

❝  we fuck and then you say you don’t want a relationship.  ❞

❝  so despite your fragile beauty, you’re actually built like an ox.  ❞

❝  what other secret are you keeping from me?  ❞

❝  what’s more important, true love or fashion?  ❞

❝  you’re straight? since when?  ❞

❝  why else would someone like you have a coffee with someone like me?  ❞

❝  you make me sound like an exchange student.  ❞

❝  i can’t believe i drove him out of the country.  ❞

❝  what’s the point of shagging someone ad nauseam if you’re never going to love them?  ❞

❝  it’s okay. i forgive you. so you can stop feeling sorry for me or guilty or whatever.  ❞

❝  i think accidental meets are better... that is not to say accidents can’t be planned.  ❞

❝  i had to give his ego cpr.  ❞

❝  it’s just sex. he fills a void. literally.  ❞

❝  news of my crush just travelled across the atlantic ocean!  ❞

❝  you’d know if you were great.  ❞

❝  i suppose i first noticed when i was around 8. i thought it was just a phase, you know, but eventually, i had to accept the truth. i like women. ❞

❝  it’s a romantic comedy! how do you think it ends?  ❞

❝  i’m like, fuck that. i know i’m talented. i don’t need some ____ degree to tell me.  ❞

❝  have you ever thought this whole ‘true love’ thing might be a conspiracy?  ❞

❝  [full name] may be a giant, but you are a giant in waiting.  ❞

❝  three years and you still treat me like a one-night stand!  ❞

❝  the stages of a relationship can be defined by farting.  ❞

❝  no, actually, i’m very out of shape and that nearly killed me.  ❞

❝  i was so caught up in my head i missed out on getting to know you. and i would like to get to know you. i mean, if you’re willing to give me another chance?  ❞

❝  i've never actually been in a relationship except in my own head.  ❞

❝  so how do i get to know you?  ❞

❝  i don’t know that [name] is the love of my life. but i’ve decided to give him the chance to be.  ❞

❝  are you asking if i’ll still love you?  ❞

❝  there’s nothing more important right now than global poverty. i mean in the warming sense.  ❞

❝  that boy---gay as a goose.  ❞

❝  i think you’re exactly the kind of person they would have wanted me to marry.  ❞

❝  we had a row about his car. i told him i don’t generally get into vehicles that cost less than my handbag, he accused me of being a spoiled bitch.  ❞

❝  if you’re going to get any more in touch with your inner child, you’re going to need an inner nanny.  ❞

❝  was i right or was i right?  ❞

❝  he went to [public/private/boarding] school. he probably enjoys being spanked.  ❞

❝  where did you learn to speak [language] like that?  ❞

❝  what’s more important, anything or fashion?  ❞

❝  you /are/ a desperate fantasist.  ❞

❝  do you want to go to bed? you know, have sex.  ❞

❝  it would’ve meant breaking your rule to only to have sex with people you don’t really love and to only love people you don’t have sex with.  ❞

❝  i had no idea that under that shy, sweet exterior was such steely confidence!  ❞

❝  i’m afraid you’re drunk.  ❞

❝  truth is way too complicated. and unsatisfying. and hard to believe.  ❞

❝  i’m going to this black tie thing for my roommate.  ❞

❝  that’s not love, [name], that’s the flu.  ❞

❝  we work in fashion. everyone is an overpampered monster.  ❞

❝  [name] is going through a nasty divorce. she needs positive affirmation.  ❞

❝  i’m sorry, but [full name] stands for everything i absolutely despise.  ❞

❝  i think people shouldn’t bite the hand that feeds them.  ❞

❝  how very ‘all about eve’.  ❞

❝  i’m just nervous. he’s meant to have a ferocious temper.  ❞

❝  i’m probably gonna get fired tomorrow, but it was worth it just to see [name] in action.  ❞

❝  he came over and we shagged. then i asked how he felt about monogamy.  ❞

❝  and this is the person you think you could be in love with? someone you’ve never even spoken to? someone you’ve never even met?  ❞

❝  the only thing that’s changed is what might happen between you two.  ❞

❝  i mean, i had a bad age five. i had a terrible age five, actually.  ❞

❝  maybe love isn't something that happens to you. maybe it's something you have to choose.  ❞

❝  you could’ve worn something nicer.  ❞

❝  you want a brownie? i made them myself.  ❞

❝  i’m not miserable, and i believe in true love.  ❞

❝  well, you know what they say, ‘the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach’.  ❞

❝  [name], pick out the sexiest outfit and go home immediately!  ❞

❝  i think my parents would have really liked you.  ❞

❝  i can’t believe you’re cooking dinner for some guy you met yesterday.  ❞

❝  an affair? you’ve only been going out for two weeks!  ❞

❝  nothing like a happy set.  ❞

❝  well, i better be off. my flight’s at 9 and i’ve still got to pack.  ❞

❝  my memoirs, darling. i’ve decided to publish.  ❞

❝  i’m sure you’re far prettier than [name]’s wife.  ❞

❝  everyone’s miserable because they’re looking for this nonexistent ‘thing’, or else they’re miserable because they think they settled for less.  ❞

❝  do you always judge people so quickly?  ❞

❝  you and [name]? you and---you and [name]? oh my god! oh, look, i... i.... i won’t say a word, i promise. cross my heart.  ❞

❝  i’m a superficial assistant at a major fashion magazine. you’ll ruin my reputation.  ❞

❝  stop doing research and would you write your goddamn screenplay!  ❞

❝  when’s the last time you’ve considered falling in love?---i’m not talking about some character in a book or a movie.  ❞

❝  [name] would have loved to come tonight, but thanks to the conspiracy of silence between the catholic church and the tories in the face of aids, he can’t.  ❞

❝  love isn’t always a lightning bolt, you know? maybe sometimes, it’s just a choice.  ❞

❝  there’s quite a bit of hash in them.  ❞

❝  i’m following your advice. i’m breaking my rules.  ❞

❝  i know i should have said something before. but every time i started, it seemed like the wrong time.  ❞

❝  everyone knows you can’t be drunk and tango. so if i can tango, then i’m not drunk.  ❞

❝  would it be alright if i borrowed an outfit just for tonight? i have kind of a date.  ❞

❝  actually, i can’t believe i haven’t tried to fix you up with him years ago. he’s perfect for you!  ❞

❝  can we not talk about my non-existent film career right now?  ❞

❝  well, i suppose i’d never have lived up to your fantasy anyway.  ❞

❝  you’re almost out of shampoo so i had to use soap.  ❞

❝  you broke up with him a month ago!  ❞

❝  i just remembered. i need a pedicure.  ❞

❝  for the last six months, you’ve been saying one thing and doing another.  ❞

❝  there is no need to be nasty to me just because i don’t remember people’s names.  ❞

❝  hello? i’m waiting! [name], when i have to ask for it, it’s too late!  ❞

❝  that’s the problem with life. it’s nothing like the movies.  ❞

❝  apparently, he shags her four times a day and inspires her to write new volumes of poetry! isn’t that great?  ❞

❝  i happen to care about [name]. a lot. and i hate the fact that he feels more than me. and i hate the fact that i'm not in love with him. because i know i should be. because he's smart and sweet and decent and i don't want to hurt him. so i keep hoping that i’ll grow into it.  ❞

❝  you could’ve worn something, full stop.  ❞

❝  we can’t have you all alone in [city] on a friday night!  ❞

❝  so then i had to fuck him.  ❞

❝  he calls me five times per day, begging me to go out with him. apparently, my voice haunts him.  ❞

❝  oh, these are lovely, but [name] hates flowers.  ❞

❝  i promise i won’t make a pass.  ❞

❝  i’m going to enjoy making her feel stupid about this one.  ❞

❝  but you don’t like me in that way.  ❞

❝  oh, so you’re saying i should forget about him for purely geographical reasons?  ❞

❝  why are you reading a cookbook in the nude?  ❞

❝  since when do you say ‘lots of love, big kiss’ to your boss?  ❞

❝  i can’t explain it, but... it was amazing. because it was like i was finally seeing the person i’d been waiting for my entire life.  ❞

❝  we’re related, but only by birth. so don’t hold it against me.  ❞

❝  i mean, thanks to a chance encounter at a beach party, you hook up with one of the world's top fashion photographers. first class travel, exotic locations. you really hit quite the jackpot.  ❞

❝  i just wanted to tell the truth and somewhere along the line it got mixed up with a bunch of lies.  ❞

❝  i thought this whole dead animal thing was ten years ago.  ❞

❝  you don’t talk about monogamy /after/ you shag a guy...  ❞

❝  whoever designed those heels must really hate women.  ❞

❝  you’ve got to go. i’ve got friends coming over for brunch. ❞

❝  he never even showed, which proves my theory: he must think i’m a stalker freak.  ❞

❝  he’s in love with you, [name]. you’re not in love with him. it doesn’t get more simple than that.  ❞

❝  well, unless you want me to feel totally humiliated, say ‘yes’.  ❞

❝  i just don’t see much of a future together.  ❞

❝  you’re an artist, [name]’s an artist.  ❞

❝  he said you really sorted him out on the relationship front. and i could certainly use some help there.  ❞

❝  you’re not stupid, you just saw what you wanted to see.  ❞

❝  i just remembered [name] might have a boy at the house. can i stay at yours?  ❞

❝  we’re having a strictly phone-based relationship.  ❞

❝  i can’t help it, i’m naturally dramatic!  ❞

❝  oh, you know, i said how great he is, how he’s going to make the right [girl/boy/person] happy, how it’s really not him, it’s blah blah blah...  ❞

❝  i’m feeling small enough as it is.  ❞

❝  look, most great artists have to deal with rejection in their lifetime.  ❞

❝  see, this is exactly why i don’t want to be in a relationship with you!  ❞

❝  i’m always like this when i have to see my mother.  ❞

❝  maybe true love is a decision. you know, a decision to take a chance with somebody. to give to somebody without worrying whether they'll give anything back. or if they're gonna hurt you, or if they really are the one.  ❞

❝  the problem with straight men is that no matter how hard they try, they still need to control, to dominate.  ❞

❝  thank god you’re gay!  ❞

❝  you seem to think the only reason anyone would be with him is for this ‘jackpot’.  ❞

❝  i never felt ugly or fat.  ❞

❝  i’m not getting married without a maid of honour.  ❞

❝  he’s just the sweetest, funniest guy i know. if he wasn’t [straight/gay], i’d have married him ages ago.  ❞

❝  i’m a fantasist, not desperate.  ❞

❝  you don’t know me. and if you did, you’d know i’d never take advantage of [name].  ❞

[mrsjihyunkim]

Witch AU

      Source of inspiration       First Part        Previous Part     Next

       The next morning MC woke up and began to prepare breakfast the twins. It had been so long since she actually cooked. Witches didn’t really need to eat because magic was their life force. Meanwhile in the twin’s bedroom Saeran woke up to the smell of something delicious. He didn’t know what it was but it was making his mouth water. When he sat up in his bed it took him a second to remember where he was, and what had happened yesterday. Saeran looked over at his brother and saw that he was still sleeping. Saeran got out of bed and silently closed to door behind him. When he got to the kitchen he saw MC standing there making pancakes and bacon. She saw him in the entry and she smiled at him. “Good morning Saeran. Did you sleep ok?” He nodded and continued to stand there. “Come sit down. I made breakfast for you two. Saeran sat down at the table but was still a little unsure.

“Is all of this for us?” MC stopped and had a moment of confusion on her face.

“Of course it is. I just hope it taste good. I haven’t cooked in a while.” She laughed a little and set a plate of pancakes down on the table.

“Why didn’t you just use your magic to make it?” Saeran began to pile pancakes onto his plate and reached for some chocolate chips.

“Well you shouldn’t always rely on magic Saeran. If you can do something yourself that’s how it should be done. Plus food normally tastes better if you make it yourself. Magic sometimes leaves a burnt aftertaste.” She looked back at Saeran and saw that he had a mouthful of food and seemed to be enjoying it. MC finished rising off the bowl in the sink when she heard Saeyoung enter the kitchen. She glanced over her shoulder and saw him smiling at Saeran. “Good morning Saeyoung. Would you like some breakfast?” He nodded his head but seemed unsure just like Saeran did. MC’s smile encouraged him and he put pancakes on his plate. Once they were on his plate he stared at them as if they were missing something.

“Hey MC. Do you have any chips?” Both MC and Saeran gave him a curious look and he just blushed. MC stood up and took a bag of chips out of the cupboard. They read ‘Golden Honey Buddha Chips’ on the package.

“These are the chips that Alonzo brought last night with the other groceries. I hope you like them. I don’t know much about chips and snacks.” She handed him the bag of chips and he opened them. After taking some out he crushed them to sprinkle on top of the pancakes, and then covered them in syrup. When he noticed both MC and Saeran staring at him he grew shy and looked down at his food.

“You’re weird.” Saeran’s statement was the only thing that broke the silence and suddenly Saeyoung was laughing.  

“You got me there little brother but don’t knock it until you try it.  I did this the last time I had pancakes and it was really good.” Saeran suddenly looked confused. “They did something called a pancake breakfast at church. I think you really would of liked it Saeran. I wanted to go back and get you when I found out about it but V told me it would be too risky. That was when I brought you one home instead.” Both of their faces turned sad as they poked their food.

“I remember. Mother caught me eating it and threw it away.” MC hated that the boys had such sad memories that they didn’t deserve. She decided to try and change the subject.

“Saeyoung who is the V person you mentioned? You’ve never told us about him before.” The boy fidgeted in his seat and glanced between MC and his brother. “If you’re uncomfortable telling us you don’t have to. I was just curious.”

“No it’s ok. I actually have been feeling really guilty about not telling you two about him. You see V is the one who offered to help Saeran and I get away from our mother.  He said that if I went to work for an agency they would keep my identity hidden and after I was in hiding he promised to make sure Saeran stayed safe. I’m supposed to give him an answer today after church.”

“You can’t be serious brother? You were just going to leave me with that woman and trust some strangers to protect me? “ Saeran had tears in his eyes. It pained MC to see the boys fight like this, but she knew that they needed this.

“I was going to come back for you when we were older but it would of been too dangerous for you to come with me. But I,” Saeyoung didn’t get to finish his sentence before Saeran butted in.

“If you want to leave me because I’m weak then just go!” He shot up from the table and ran off to their room. Saeyoung had suddenly lost his appetite and felt like he was going to cry.

“Saeyoung are you ok?” He nodded his head but MC knew that he was lying. ”I know you didn’t want to tell him but it was good that you did.” He looked up at her with tears almost in his eyes.

“How is it good? I didn’t even get to tell him that I was going to stay and now he hates me.” Saeyoung rubbed at his eyes furiously and pounded the table.

“I’m certain that he doesn't hate you.” MC put a tender hand on his shoulder.

“You heard him. He told me to go ahead and leave.” MC stood up and pulled Saeyoung into a hug.  

“People say a lot of things in anger, but it’s our choice weather or not to listen to them. You should go talk to your brother. He’s just scared. You’re all he’s ever known and he doesn’t want to lose that.” Saeyoung pulled away from MC and smiled at her.

“Thank you MC. I’ll go talk to him now.” Saeyoung left the kitchen and headed for the bedroom. While they were in there talking MC went over to her magic mirror and waved her wand in front of it. Her reflection turned into ripples and was replaced with an image of the church Saeyoung attended. She wasn’t trying to pry, but she couldn’t help but worry. It didn’t sit well with her that this man wanted to not only separate the twins but also put Saeyoung in such a dangerous job. Bad things always happened to twins when they were seperated and that she knew from experience. There weren’t very many people in the church so it didn’t take her long to find the man named V. He was tall with mint hair and eyes. He seemed shy yet dignified. Standing next to him was a blonde hair woman who was holding his hand.  

“V has Saeyoung arrived yet?” The blonde asked.

“No and I’m beginning to worry. He said he’d give me an answer today.” They both did seem to be fairly worried but that didn’t mean MC trusted them.

“Maybe we should skip the service and go by their house. It’s possible that their father found them.” The blonde smiled at him but his face remained worried.

“I know you’re worried but lets go after the service. It could just be that he wasn’t able to sneak away from the house. We can also use this time to pray for those boys and hope they find happiness.” MC almost wanted to scoff at the blonde woman. Even through the mirror MC could tell that she had a terrible darkness lurking inside of her. Her aura was a very dark purple and shone almost no light. In fact it was so dark that it almost took over the man named V’s aura.  Reading auras was something useful that MC used to see someone’s true self and right now it was very helpful. She closed off the mirror just in time to see the boys coming out of their room smiling and holding hands. When they saw MC Saeran went running towards her, dragging Saeyoung with him.

“MC! Guess what! Saeyoung says we can stay here with you!” She pulled them both into a hug and everything felt so warm. When they all pulled apart Saeyoung was smiling but he still had a serious look in his eyes.

“There’s still a lot to talk about but right now I need to go tell V everything that’s happened. Is that ok MC?”

“Of course it is. Just take this with you please.” She handed him a small white stone. He looked it over in his hands and seemed confused. “It will protect you outside of the house and bring you home when you’re ready.” Saeyoung was in awe at her words. They had never really felt like they had a home but MC was changing all of that. He placed the stone carefully in his pocket and smiled at her.

“Thank you MC. I’ll be back soon.”

“Alright, be safe. Saeran and I will be here waiting for you.” Her bright smile made Saeyoung feel guilty for even thinking about not staying. He nodded at the two and left the cottage. Once he was gone MC turned to Saeran and smiled. “So what should we do while we wait for your brother to come back?” Saeran thought for a second before his eyes lit up.

“Can we bake a cake?” He was hesitant but also excited. Saeran loved sweets and had also dreamed of learning how to make them.

“I think that sounds like a great idea. What flavor should we make?” MC walked over to the her bookshelf and pulled off a cookbook. Saeran honestly didn’t have an answer. He’d never even had cake but he always wanted to try it.

“I’ve actually never had cake before. What’s your favorite flavor?” He asked looking at the book with her. There were so many pictures but Saeran had no idea what any of them tasted like.

“That’s a very big question. Different flavors taste better for different occassions. You like sweets though, so how about we try making a chocolate one?” Saeran nodded and she smiled at him. “Well then let’s get started. While the two of them were starting the cake Saeyoung had arrived at the church. He didn’t want to interrupt the service so he waited outside in the garden. When it was over he quickly found V and called to him.

“V I’m over here.” He waved his arm and V looked relieved.

“There you are Saeyoung. I was worried something had happened to you.” Saeyoung laughed a little at V’s words, which only made V worried again. “Did something happen?” He asked raising his eyebrow. Saeyoung let out a deep breathe and looked up at V.

“Yes. Can we go somewhere private and talk?” Normally Saeyoung was more cheerful when V saw him but this time he looked so serious and almost guilty.

“Of course. Just let me find Rika.” V turned to go look for his girlfriend but Saeyoung grabbed his sleeve and stopped him.

“No! The less people who know the safer it will be. I’m risking enough just talking to you already.” Saeyoung trusted V and Rika with his life but he didn’t want to put MC in danger. If they knew about her then they might try to take him and Saeran away from her. V grasped the seriousness of the situation and nodded.

“Alright. We can talk in the churches basement. Will that be ok?” Saeyoung nodded and the two of them walked into the church.  Everyone had already left but the pastor was still there. He went up to V and Saeyoung smiling at them.

“Hello V, Rika was just looking for you. Is everything alright?”

“Yes Father. Saeyoung just wanted to talk to me about a personal matter. Is it alright if we use the basement?”

“Of course. Should I tell Rika that’s where you are?”

“No thank you Father. I’ll just send her a text.” The priest just nodded and walked away from the two. V and Saeyoung headed to the basement while V told Rika that he’d meet her back at home.  Once they were in the basement V closed the doors and Saeyoung made sure no one else was around. “Ok we’re alone. What’s going on Saeyoung?” Saeyoung hesitated at first but thumbed the rock in his pocket to gain courage.

“Yesterday my mother attacked Saeran and I. She found a book in my room and freaked out. She was throwing glass at us and she almost killed Saeran.” V was beyond horrified. He knew that they’re mother was abusive but he had no idea things would escalate so fast.

“I’m so sorry  Saeyoung. I’ll send Rika over there to get Saeran tonight. We won’t let you live there any longer. I’ll have you placed in the agency right away.” V began pacing and Saeyoung stood in front of him.

“No. I don’t want to go to the agency anymore. Our teacher saved us and she said we could stay with her. She truly loves us and we love her.” Saeyoung’s hand went into his pocket as he held the rock MC gave him tightly. V was very unsure about all of this. Saeyoung had never mentioned having a teacher or anything like that. The issue of Saeyoung’s father was also still there.

“What teacher? You’ve never mentioned her before.” Saeyoung blushed but still smiled.

“We met her a few months before I met you and Rika. She’s taught Saeran how to read and she’s taught us a lot about plants and science. She’s even taught us about medicine. Until yesterday we were only seeing her once a week. I promise that we’re safe with her.”

“But what about your father? It’s still dangerous for you and your brother to be together.” Saeyoung really didn’t know what to say to that. He hadn’t told MC about their father yet but he knew she could help. He also knew he couldn’t just tell V that MC was a super powerful witch.

“We’ll be safe. I promise. She can help us hide from both of our parents and we can live normal lives. I can’t tell you anymore than that, so please just trust me.” V was beyond nervous about all of this. At least with his plan he would be able to keep an eye on both boys and help them if they needed it. The idea of them staying with a stranger had him nervous.

“Can you at least tell me her name and where she lives? I just want to make sure you two are safe.”

“Her name is MC and she lives outside of town.” Saeyoung felt bad making V worry like this but he wasn’t sure how much he should actually tell him. He needed to run this all by MC before telling anything else. V could see that Saeyoung was struggling to tell him everything and he wasn’t sure if that was his choice or not. They sat in silence for a few minutes until V finally let out a sigh.

“You must really trust her if you’re deciding to let Saeran stay with her too.” Saeyoung nodded and V smiled. “Well I guess if you boys want to stay with her then I really can’t stop you.” Saeyoung’s face lit up at V’s blessing and the small boy threw his arms around him. “I do have one condition though.” Saeyoung pulled back and V put a hand on his shoulder. “I want to meet her. Just so that I can make sure she’s a good person.” Saeyoung smiled and thought that would be a good idea. Obviously he had to talk to MC about it but he knew she’d agree.

“I’ll have to ask MC first, but I think she’ll be ok with that.” Saeyoung noticed the clock on the wall and knew he should probably be getting back soon. “I should head home anyway. I don’t want Saeran to think I lied about staying with him.” V opened up the doors and they left the church.

“Do you want me to walk you part way?” Saeyoung shook his head and smiled.

“No I can get there safely, but thank you.” V nodded and took a cell phone out of his pocket and handed it to Saeyoung.

“Well at least take this. It has mine and Rika’s numbers in it. This way we can still stay in touch with you. I don’t doubt that your teacher loves you boys but so do Rika and I. Just because you won’t be in our care doesn’t mean we’ll love you any less.” Saeyoung had never felt more love in his life. He knew MC loved him but this was the first time V had ever said anything like that to him.

“Thank you V. I promise to stay in touch and once we’re more settled I’ll introduce you to Saeran. See you later V.” Once Saeyoung was around the corner he dipped into an alley and pulled out the rock MC gave him. He turned it over in his hand. With a deep breath he began to focus on MC’s cottage until he could see it clearly in his mind. “I’m ready to go home.” The stone began to glow in his hand and turned warm. V, who had been tailing behind Saeyoung saw the glow and began to worry. When V got to the alley Saeyoung was gone and there was nothing but old newspapers blowing in the wind.

[rotzaprachim]

Gansey bought Adam and ronan a fancy set of kitchen knives from the wedding registry literally years before Adam even proposed but gansey Even had the shop wrap them up really nicely so they’re just sitting in his kitchen For years and ganseys just using it as a cookbook stand. mans later Adam‘s like oh we’re thinking about moving out to somewhere more residential now that I’ve got a more steady place at The firm. can’t decide between the smaller Place downtown or the house that’s more out of the way with a yard and ganseys like Get the one with the yard! You’ll want the space and Alex and Eimear will love the yard and Adams like wait WHo now and ganseys like uhhh suddenly forget I said anything forget I said anything and Adams like uhhh right Well I think I need to go uh talk to ronan Right now

and in general Ganseys just like now caught in life in the ethical spiral of actions happening because he knows they will happen or did happen or will at somepoint happen but will they happen because he says something or does he need to say things and it’s all very confusing but also quite funny like his history skills have massively improved in some ways because he suddenly gets snatches of the past but like totally random things??? He had a burning interest in king tamar of Georgia and the history of norwegian flowerpots and stave churches from random flashes of the past someone’s like wait what happened when time fell actually and he’s like idk but the place three steers back from the Coliseum sure sold the best garum!!!! he watches cooking competitions completely out of order for the fun of it

Ok so let’s discuss the fact that Gansey ends the series as some Kind of psychic (or at least able to experience both past and future)

[stacks-reviews]

New Releases 11/14/17

‘Happy New Release Day! Today brings a few new manga and a graphic novel, along with a couple of new shows/movies, and even a new video game from Nintendo.

In Books  --Fairy Tail Volume 62 by Hiro Mashima “During the chaos of war,the demon Acnologia slinks his way into the ranks. As Erza, Wendy, and Gajeel prepare to face their hardest battle yet, a strange woman shows up to lift their spirits! The woman knows the secret to sealing Acnologia away, but will the gang be able to execute her orders! Meanwhile, brothers Natsu and Zeref go head-to-head, with their lives on the line! The fate of the world sinks further into peril when Zeref reveals his ultimate mission: Neo Eclipse!”

I can’t believe this series is almost over (at least in the US). Just one more volume remains. I think I’m going to wait to pick this one up until volume 63 comes out so I can get them together. The last volume I read was somewhere in the early 50′s, I think. I started rereading the series but paused midway through volume 8 and will continue from there once the last volume is released.

--Forbidden Scrollery Volume 1 by Moe Harukawa “Where else would a girl with the power to translate any tome she sets in her lap reside except a library? Sure, some books may be more dangerous than others, but that's far from discouragement for a true bibliophile like Kosuzu Motoori!”

Books that are dangerous. That may or may not magical in some form. With artwork that reminds me of Cardcator Sakura. Sign me up. I really would like to try this series cause as I’ve mentioned before I’m a sucker for books that have books being a form of power in worlds. I did flip through some of this volume when it arrived early at my work. And it looks promising.

--Frau Faust Volume 2 by Kore Yamazaki “After narrowly escaping a battle with Lorenzo, Johanna falls unconscious. In her wounded state, the century-old memories of her first encounter with Mephistopheles run through her head. In these memories are answers Marion is beginning to understand: what is the nature of his master’s immortality, and how is her curse inextricably tied to the body of her demon? Faust, Marion, and Nico’s immediate aim is to find Mephisto’s right leg, a mission that becomes more urgent when evidence of a young girl using demonic power comes to light. To find the next piece of her precious demon, Johanna may even need to form a tenuous deal with Lorenzo...”

From the creator of The Ancient Magus’ Bride comes Frau Faust. I enjoyed the first volume of this series which included a cute short about a museum that houses invisible exhibits. I would like to see Yamazaki explore that short more in the future. The first volume follows Johanna as she tries to find the missing pieces of the demon Mephisto held captive by the church. Along the way she gains an apprentice named Marion and they meet up with Nico, Johanna’s daughter.

My favorite part of volume 2 was learning about how Johanna meet Mephisto.

--Rose Volume 1 by Meredith Finch, illustrated by Ig Guara “A classic fantasy tale about a girl trying to restore balance to a broken world. Rose must connect with her Khat—Thorne—to become the Guardian the world needs. But things aren’t easy for Rose and Thorne, the powerful sorcerous Drucilla has many powerful and demonic allies—all of them focused on stopping one scared little girl who’s desperately trying to stay alive and do what’s right.”

I have been waiting on this one since I first saw the cover to issue one earlier this year. A warrior-girl with her giant black panther companion. It was a good start to the series though the volume felt a bit rushed. A few of the pages cut off part of some sentences near the end of the volume. I am looking forward to volume 2 and hope that the pacing might find a better flow. I think it’s worth checking out.

In Movies/TV Shows --91 Days “Prohibition—a lawless era where bootleggers prosper and mobsters prowl. Avilio Bruno has grown up alone in this murky world after the Vanetti's murdered his family. One day, he receives a letter that holds the key to revenge. Befriending the don's son, Nero, Avilio works his way through the Vanetti family and sets his vengeance in motion.”

I haven’t had time to try this one out yet but I really want to. There is a standard and an LE edition. The LE has an art box and comes with a 40 page companion guide that has, “artwork, character profiles, background information on Prohibition, the Chicago mafia, period firearms, and more.” And a set of six art cards.

--Atomic Blonde “An undercover MI6 agent is sent to Berlin during the Cold War to investigate the murder of a fellow agent and recover a missing list of double agents.”

I was really excited to see this one because of how they treated the main character. They made her fight how a woman would actually need to fight. And they made it also realistic by how bruised and cut up she was after all this was over. When she got punched in the face that bruise would stay there. Some of those fights were painful to watch just of the pain you see was being done to her. The fight scenes in this movie were just fantastic. But the plot was a little convoluted. Maybe it will make more sense during a second watch. Either way it was an enjoyable movie to watch. 

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/atomic-blonde-doesnt-pretend-women-fight-like-men-and-the-result-is-awesome_us_597b3c67e4b02a8434b5df58

--Blue Exorcist Kyoto Saga Set 1 “Born the spawn of Satan, Rin Okumura decides to hide his origins, and become an exorcist. He enrolls at the Exorcism Cram School, a training institute for exorcists located on the True Cross Academy grounds. But, his cover is blown during an attack by Amaimon, the King of Earth, and he is revealed to be the son of Satan. Terrified of Satan’s blue flames, his friends start to distance themselves from Rin…It is then that someone steals the Left Eye of the Impure King, sealed away in the deepest part of the academy, and Rin and the others find themselves embroiled in an unexpected crisis.”

The newest season of Blue Exorcist is starting to release. It was a pretty good season. And now I’m trying to remember if I finished it or not. I feel like I did but now I can’t remember.... Anyway. This is an Aniplex title so it is going to be a bit higher. There is a DVD edition and a Blu-Ray. They contain episodes 1-6 of this season. But if you buy the Blu-Ray it also comes with a booklet and some postcards.

--Doctor Who Complete Series 10 The final season of Peter Capaldi as 12 and with Steven Moffat as executive producer is now out as a complete set. Pearl Mackie was great as Bill Potts though sometimes I can’t help but feel like they could have done more with her character. Once I see the season again I might change my mind but for now that thought occasionally pops up. 

My favorite episodes of this season are “Smile”, “Thin Ice” if only to watch the Doctor punch that guy over and over, “Empress of Mars”, and the two-part season finale.

--In This Corner Of the World “Based on the award-winning manga by Fumiyo Kouno, In This Corner Of the World tells the emotional story of Suzu, a young girl from Hiroshima, who’s just become a bride in the nearby city of Kure during World War II. Living with her husband’s family, Suzu has to adjust to her new life, which is made especially difficult by regular air raids. But life must go on, and Suzu - through the help of her new family and neighbors - begins to discover the joys of everyday life in Kure. Much is gained in Kure, but with war, many things cherished are also lost.”

This just looks fantastic. I’m really excited to see this one.

--Pokemon Indigo League S1 The original that started it all is out on blu-ray for what should be the first time. I love the Indigo League. It’s where I started with Pokemon. And it has some the saddest episodes I’ve seen from the series. At least up until the point where I stopped watching. I tried to pick it back up during the last season and the new Sun and Moon seasons but it has been sporadic. 

This set has the first 52 episodes of the series. It also comes with a 64 page manga sampler, a recipe card, the complete Pokerap, and a “Who’s That Pokemon” gallery. I feel like they could have done more for this release as the extras just feel like a pull for you to start buying the manga and one of their Pokemon cookbooks.

I really hope they kept the other songs in at the end of episodes instead of just the Pokerap. I love the Pokerap but I also love the other songs. Yeah, I have them on one of the soundtracks but I’d still like to see them at the end of the episodes. 

The box itself is really cool. It is designed to look like the original Pokedex.

--Preacher S2  “Jesse, Tulip and Cassidy hit the road in search of God, and quickly realize they're being stalked by a killer cowboy from Hell.”

I wasn’t as crazy about this season as I was the first. I’ve been that way with a lot of series this year. It is still a good series and had a great start to the season. And ended with a great cliffhanger.

In Video Games --RiME (Nintendo Switch version) “In RiME, you play as a young boy who has awakened on a mysterious island after a torrential storm. You see wild animals, long-forgotten ruins and a massive tower that beckons you to come closer. Armed with your wits and a will to overcome—and the guidance of a helpful fox—you must explore the enigmatic island, reach the tower's peak, and unlock its closely guarded secrets.”

I’ve been really excited for this game for a while. But I am conflicted. It is half price if I get it on my PS4 but I was really hoping to get it for my Switch. Visually it looks gorgeous and the OST is supposed to be really good. But I have heard that the puzzles aren’t very challenging. I still want to try it out. Now I just need to decide what console I want it for.

[paharvey99]

No Waitrose October 4

Day 29

You know how last Sunday I made a failed attempt to visit the smallest church in Sussex? Well, today - and look away now if you’re trying to avoid spoilers – I made a successful attempt to visit the smallest church in Sussex.

Ok, the spoiler averse are okay to start reading again from here.

The clocks went back in the night, and parents complaining on social media about children getting up at the wrong time is A Thing, so I was prepared for something bad to happen involving time. What actually happened was that our daughter slept in and we got up happily at the right time. I put this down to just being a bloody great pair of parents.

This Sunday was remarkably similar to last Sunday, in that the person I live with had loads of work to do and so I got to take our daughter out for the whole day, which was ace. The person I live with was not happy about having loads of work to do and not getting to have fun with our daughter, which was fair enough really, but it couldn’t be helped.

I set off in the car with my daughter in the back and a general idea of going back to make a second attempt to visit the smallest church in Sussex. It was still quite early, because of the clocks, and I’d been hoping to time my daughter’s nap with the long bit of driving to the church. If I was going to do that, I needed to do something else for an hour and a bit, so I pulled into the 24 hour Asda and we went to pick up some stuff for tea.

The new Nigella cookbook has a recipe for sausages, apples and onions in it that felt suited to the first day of early nights, so I got some sausages. Nigella calls for Cumberland rings, but Asda doesn’t stock them, as Asda doesn’t stock anything nice whatsoever. I bought my daughter some new tops, as the person I live with had said she needed some new tops, so we found some inoffensive tops in Asda’s otherwise offensively poor range of baby clothes. Seriously, I hate Asda.

Back at the car, the sun was bright and highlighting just how dirty and covered in poo my car actually was, so I decided to take it to the car wash. Asda’s petrol station had a little do it yourself car wash thing, so I checked I had some change (by some miracle I did) and we went and drove round to the car wash bit. There was a man there already washing his car, so I parked up and waited for him to finish. If I was in his situation, I’d have got flustered and hurried up to get out of the way as soon as possible, but this man was not as flappable as I am. He was quite happy to take his time going through all the settings on the car wash to get his car to the exact level of clean he demanded from himself. He was waxing, pressure washing, foaming – everything. We were there about 20 minutes waiting for him to finish.

About 10 minutes in I noticed he had an EU OUT sticker on his bumper, at which point I thought some uncharitable things that I am choosing not to record.

Eventually he buggered off and I got my turn. As soon as I’d put the money in a man pulled up in a car where I had just been parked, waiting for a go on the car wash. I got flustered and hurried up to get out of the way as soon as possible, giving the car only the most cursory of goings over. I hate holding people up, even if it means driving round in a car that is still semi-covered in poo.

No wonder Remain lost.

After that we drove over to Lullington, where the smallest church in Sussex is to be found. My daughter fell asleep on the way, so I parked up and sat for a bit until she woke up. Then we walked up to the church, which is on the top of a hill but completely hidden from view on all sides, weirdly. It really is a very small church; it’s about the size of an average living room inside and it seats about 20 people theatre style, or 10 cabaret style. In truth though, it’s just the zhuzhed-up leftovers of a once much bigger church. You can see the remains of the old walls outside, from when it was a normal-sized church.

This was a bit of a disappointing realisation, but it’s still an interesting place to visit. I signed the visitors book and bought a postcard and set off back to the car.

By this time it was around 12, which is my daughter’s lunchtime, and mine too, I suppose. I drove the mile or so to Alfriston and parked up in the same car park as I had last week, and this time I actually managed to get out of the car, as my daughter was awake.

I put her in the sling and went in search of some lunch. Alfriston has an old post office that serves as a general store, selling plenty of stuff, including freshly-baked gammon and leek pasties, as it turned out, so I got one of those and a bottle of pop and headed off to find somewhere to have a picnic. There’s a big old church at Alfriston on a kind of village green, which is called the Tye, I think, and it has benches all around. We sat on a bench and I fed my daughter a pouch of Ella’s Kitchen Bang Bang Bangers + Mash. She eats real food these days as a rule, but she is teething and not happy about chewing at the moment, so those pouches of mush come in handy. I ate my pasty at the same time and we both got covered in food, just at the point that the church was kicking out and a load of churchgoers walked past and looked a bit horrified by the state of the pair of us.

After lunch, I cleaned us both up and discovered that we were literally 50 yards from a National Trust house I had forgotten existed, Alfriston Clergy House. Being members, it would have been rude not to nip in for a quick look, so we did. It’s a 14th century timber-framed house, mainly famous as the first house the National Trust ever bought, back in 1896. It has a nice garden, but is largely uninteresting otherwise. I bought a Christmas present in the shop from the sale, National Trust shops are good for things like that.

I nipped in a few more shops trying to get some Christmas present inspiration, but the only idea I came up with was to buy my dad a fancy comb. I’m not sure if he uses a comb, but if I bought him a comb that was fancy enough, he might do. I don’t think I’m going to buy him a comb though.

Sensing that it was time to leave Alfriston, we left Alfriston. I drove out of town a different way to usual, heading south past a vineyard and up and up until we emerged, to my surprise, on the top of the South Downs. It was beautifully sunny and I thought it would be a nice place to stop and have a look and then, happily, a car park appeared. The car park was called High and Over car park, which I thought sounded more like a category on X Factor than a car park, but we stopped and followed some signposts to a viewpoint.

The Cuckmere valley was spread out all below us, with Cuckmere Haven off in the middle distance and the sea glinting in the sun. My daughter gave an appreciative “oooh” from her sling as she looked down at the meandering River Cuckmere. I’m not sure she’s ever been that high up before, but she seemed to like it, which is good news.

After that my daughter was tired, so I headed back to the car. I somehow got chatting to a man in the car park who was walking his dog and he was quite taken with my daughter, which might sound creepy but was actually nice. He liked her name, which is good. Her name is Dory, which is short for Dorothy. However, when the car park man asked her name, I said it was Dorothy, as I could see he wouldn’t understand the name Dory. He was an older man, and whenever older people find out her name is Dory they haven’t heard of the name Dory and so think we’ve said Doreen or just get confused. This has resulted in a policy where it’s safer to say she’s called Dorothy to certain audiences, because they understand it.

Anyway he liked the name and revealed that he had named all his daughters after plants, and then reeled off a list of about six names including Ophelia and Cicely, both of which I have never heard of as plants. It made me think he must be either a really enthusiastic gardener or an idiot. I liked him though, so I don’t want to look up whether Ophelia and Cicely are plants or not.

After that I drove home, with the intention that my daughter would sleep most of the way. Unfortunately, this was not her intention, as it turned out. I started singing 10 Green Bottles, which has got her off to sleep in the past, but to no avail. She got bored of the repetition, I think, so I decided to sing something less repetitive. It’s difficult thinking of songs that you know all the words to, until I remembered that I am in a band and I know all the words to most of our songs.

I started singing one of our songs and, as the band isn’t very active anymore, I hadn’t sung it in a while. I enjoyed singing it though, as it’s a good song and I like it, and I got a bit into it. At the end I checked on my daughter and she was fast asleep. Result. It made me think we could remarket the band as a sleeping aid for babies and make an absolute fortune. There’s about 200 vinyl copies of our album hanging about somewhere that need shifting, so it’s got to be worth a pop.

We got home and had a play with the person I live with and told her all we’d been up to, before the inevitable teatime, bathtime, storytime, bedtime ritual kicked in. I then made sausage, apple, onion and potato for tea, which went down quite well. Then we watched an episode of the new series of Stranger Things. I quite enjoyed the first series, but since then I have seen new episodes of Twin Peaks, and in comparison to that Stranger Things just doesn’t cut it anymore.

After that I had a bowl of yoghurt and honey, which the person I live with stole most of. The theft was something of a surprise, as the person I live with doesn’t like yoghurt and honey. This yoghurt theft episode was stranger than anything in Stranger Things, to be honest. More updates as we get them.

Didn’t go to Waitrose.