#i actually have a sideblog for it but i hate sideblogs
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(un)insightfully answering oc questions while i rewrite them (and everything i thought i knew)
#i sorry#so guckinh actually so tired today i should nap#my art#traditional art#sona art#doodlings#anthro art#furry art#happy second night of hanukkah but i probably won’t post#happy x night everyday like last year bc i have yapping sideblog now to yap on#everytime i mention changding my ocs to friend i get a resounding NOOOO WHYYY#OK NOT ALWAYS BUT#BE HAPPY FOR ME YOU LITTLE SHITS IM turning them into stuff i like more please don’t hate me#and making story thats easier for myself to follow#yse while still having made new sanguinary panels at the same time LEAVE ME ALON#what isf happening in these tags#aside from accessibility goodness alt text is good for dechiphering my HORRENFDOUS HANDWRITING I THINK
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sorry for armyposting on main
#i actually have a sideblog for it but i hate sideblogs#<- hasnt touched it since 2018#and solos are ruining shit on twitter so u may or May Not see more here#tobias talks#u probably wont#maybe
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For the last day of requestober, can you please draw something spooky/scary with Negative RGB? With all the cool lighting stuff you've been doing recently, I think it could be very dramatic, and I'd love to see him in your style!
Day 31 -Pl̷̼͙̯̼̟̈́͒̃̓͆e̵̢͔̞̤̯͗as̴̨͆̒̏e dö̸̧̢̝̳́͝ not̸̨̞͔̗͆̔͝ͅ ̶̦̋͒a̵̪͋̉̈́̒djus̶̪͔͎̘͈̍́̂̅̚t yö̶̙̺͎́͘u̷͚̙̿̓͆r sc̸̙͍͒rę̸̰̺̣̿̓͌̔̎en̴̏̈́͊ͅ
#My art#Requestober#The Property of Hate#TPoH#Negative#Flashing gif#I wanted to go out with a bang :)#I had a lot of fun with the textures on this one haha ♪#I have actually drawn Negative before but I've only posted him once as a vent :0#He didn't make it over to my taglist 'cause TPoH was the Thing while I was making that sideblog lol - a few things fell through the cracks#Plus I mean vent is just like that sometimes :P#But! He is not vent here! He is just funsies! :D#And those textures were definitely funsies >:3c It was very cool to chip away at them and let them interplay and overlay hehe#I did really want the lighting to be the highlight - no pun intended - since you mentioned it specifically lol#Backlighting again! >:3c I will continue to do it until it stops looking cool! Haha ♪#The rest is just Negative being spooky all on his lonesome haha he's just like that!#Doing his screen glow was very rewarding ahhh ♥ I've always really loved that hard/soft glow look#I'm still figuring it out but I'm quite pleased with how this one turned out! :D#Also would you like a secret/hint on textures? Hehehe - those static frames? :3c#They're just zoomed-in carpet swatches on the Binary layer type - turn them up and down and rotate to make them unique!#Anyhow hehe ♪ Happy Halloween! :D Happy spooky season! Thank you all for a fun month!! <3 <3
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does anyone know of any traumagenic spaces that havent been invaded by endos /genq
#.txt#hate to get syscourse-y on main#but i dont have a system sideblog anymore so#if you send me hate its just more supply :3#syspunk#sysblr#actually traumagenic#traumagenic#traumagenic system#did system#actually dissociative#dissociative disorder#dissociative identity disorder#dissociative system#complex dissociative disorder#system punk#endos dni#anti endo
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>be me
>get new follower
>hellyes.wav
>look at their profile
>they're very obviously an antishipper
feelsbadman
#not fandom#proship#anti-anti#proshippers please interact#this is about my sideblog but still#do you ever just look at someone's profile and INSTANTLY know whether or not they'd attempt to grievously harm you over fanfic#the fucking mile long dni list usually tips me off#like. im sorry but if you have a giant laundry list of people you hate on your profile i probably won't be comfortable around you#having boundaries is cool and all but like.. please define what you mean by ''basic dni criteria'' or ''no weirdos pls''#do you mean actual sex offenders or people who like fanfiction that you don't#do you mean people who have done real harm or people you disagree with regarding censorship#i hate blocking people who like my content but if i feel like i'm at risk of being harmed then imma do it#better to dodge a bullet and (worst case scenario) accidentally block someone for no real reason#than to make myself uncomfortable to avoid upsetting strangers on the internet#sorry i went on such a long tangent LOL i just needed to get this out of my system so that i dont feel guilty for no reason#scary crane rambles
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the 2001 planet of the apes is so good to me. like, the 1968 version will always have a special place in my heart because the makeup magic was... dare i say... very magical, but i liked how the 2001 one leaned into a more biologically accurate angle. like, those are straight up apes. no wonder humans aren’t speaking as a survival tactic, those things could hurt you without even trying. again, the 1968 one was so good and impressive but the fact that taylor could overpower the actors that were playing gorillas was a little jarring lol. which makes sense, cos so much of his escape plan relied on him being strong enough to push people out of the way.
this isn't a complaint btw! they're just people in costumes---they are still very much giving ape, but there wasn't much they could do about that on a physical level. so, when the 2001 had these big hulking gorillas and more accurate looking chimpanzee faces on the screen, i appreciated that detail about the humans exploiting their fear of the water. it leveled the playing field without making the fight against the apes look like a losing battle
#i do really love that u can still tell it's makeup though#i feel like people say that as an insult bc it apparently “takes them out of the story” but like. cmon#cgi or not they're not real apes either way#i explained this so horribly as per usual :(#but im just saying that those mfs---especially chimps---are STRONG#like if we wanna get technical the gorillas at the beginning had to have been making a conscious effort not to use ALL their strength#when they were hunting the humans in the 1968 movie#otherwise they prob just would have died/been severely injured by just being manhandled into their cages#i think the only hint of ape strength we got is when cornelius straight up murdered that mf just by whacking him in the head w a lunch tray#im no movie expert (far from it... i cant be trusted to analyze anything really) but i did rlly like the 2001 version for a lot of reasons#the first one obviously being what this post is about: addressing the natural strength advantage apes have. which is why they don't use gun#bc why even give humans a sliver of a chance to get the upper hand#also they officially addressed why they hate monkeys! i mean u could kinda assume why but the confirmation was nice lol#i lowk didn't understand how the apes rose in that movie like even tho it was weird in the 1968 version#at least they dedicated several movies to the concept#woah these tags got long! thank god for this sideblog cos im not even embarrassed about it#ah shoot i forgot to add actual tags!#planet of the apes#planet of the apes 2001
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In these days i realized i like art and writing and creating and shopping and taking walks and talking to people and cleaning and helping and studying and doing things but i'm just. too stressed, tired and burned out to do them. How great!
#i am losing my sanity day by day#drowning myself in the nearby lake seems better and better every day#why am i even writing this i have literally no mutuals or even people who'd care about#don't mind me crying myself to sleep haha#ooooh look at this pathetic baby. sitting in their little bed crying stupid tears. i should at least get tissues now while my crying isn't#fuck history fuck school and fuck me i quess#am i gonna start treating this as an actual blog and make a sideblog for reblogs? who knows! certainly not me; stay tuned for the story!#i'm gonna go and just let it all out into a pillow#vent ig#my mom is blasting holiday music in the other room lol#nice to have a whatever the fuck im having while “jingle bells” plays#at least i'm not hearing mariah carey ig#anyway i've probably hadn't been taking care of myself lately it has been worse despite me promoting it to everyone who needs#when i vented last time and it wasn't taken seriously so woop#anyway imma go try to calm myself and back to my notes i go#please gods what did i do to deserve thi s shit. fuck you#i hate it here i really do. i hate when these people talk to me i hate them. i at least can be sorta accquaitances with one but they just.#all stare and laugh? i actually can't. like i'm some fucking clown and laughing stock. just kill me at this point. i have been enduring this#for YEARS and suddenly i'm being a little bitch about it?? what the fuck. why am i so mushy all of a sudden. being shown an ounce of respect#and care made me expect it more? fuck#i'm just setting myself up for failure. i am just a giant loser and failure of a person.#everything seems so fucking hard. and pointless. i am tearing my rotten little heart apart with this. i am once again grieving things#long ago and things i never had. my everything has to be pleasing to an outsider#my value is my suffering. am i breaking enough? is this beautiful to look at#at my self destruction? i hate myself. i treat others so cruelly. i am a horrible fucking person.#my problems are not their burden - i forced it on them. wept like a baby because she left me. and what happened in the end? my paranoia got#to me. i left them. i fucking. i fid the thing i was afraid of being done to me.#this is showing so many issues.#so many things wrong with me. i shouldn't even be alive by this point - i wasn't supposed to survive past 12#i am being forced to do this every day. someone please just end my fu king suffering
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I SWEAR I KEEP TRYING TO DO ART BUT THEN SOMETHING GETS IN THE WAY AND THEN I PROCRASTINATE AND THEN SIX MONTHS PASS
#this has been happening for like TWO YEARS BUT I SWEAR TO GOD I AM TRYING.#my usual art motivation (my webcomic idea) has been put on hold for a bit and because of that i forgort... everything#my will to draw specifically#but in my defense i have been writing k*arlach / oc indulgences and i've been VERY focused on finishing it#i also got a marketing manager (my friend <3) to help with advertising my comms and stuff so uh... look forward 2 that#i might need to start posting all of my art on a sideblog so she doesn't have to log into my main though#so there might be some changes#but i promise i want to do art!!!! but there's always something to do first and then months pass :(#or i get the urge to draw and then life is like ''have a cancer scare'' lmao...#(ended up being cancerous actually </3 but because it's skin stuff it was easy to remove)#(but that really took the piss out of me for most of july... not to mention that ffxiv released a new expansion and i have been...#having a good time with my new friends doing content and stuff!) i also made a friend irl after like 3-4 years of total isolation#we feed ants and watch them move around together and comment on their behaviour patterns...#but like when i say this takes literal hours.#we just sit out there and talk about random shit and watch ants walk across the floor. both of us hate ants btw.#like we don't like having them ON us so it's a bit like playing with fire.#but anyways yeah i've also been really low energy recently too bc of the heat and burnout from college...#but the good news is that i'm transferring in fall to a much more relaxing college & courseload!#i'm hoping it'll stop me from feeling so... awful ?? i guess ??#like i was taking classes i didn't need to that were really difficult & punishing#not to mention extremely boring & hard to pay attention to when dealing with literally anything. i did not want to be there.#my next college is much more interest-oriented so i will finally be able to take classes i want to and learn from them...!#and then maybe i will feel a bit more in control of my life / more encouraged to draw#anyways thank u for reading my ramble. hoping it all comes together soon.#i need to do a lot of work but most of it is so i can sell commissions again#but once the karlach fic is done we're so back on the webcomic train !!!!!!!!
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My Emotional Breakdown is over people somehow not understanding that I want them to stop talking about what happened to me as if they have any right to talk about the situation.
#Vague posting about it isn’t helpful. Putting it on websites where I don’t have accounts isn’t helpful#Let. It. Die.#You do not know me nor do you know what happened to me and what I chose to talk about online#I see posts about the situation everywhere that have either blamed me or said that they do not want to take my side which I dont care about#But I am tired of seeing things about it months after I was finally given the freedom to talk about it#Does it not compute to you that It was not an internet friend who I talked to once in a while? I saw this man face to face every day#It was a real man in my actual life who gave me actual PTSD So stop talking about it like I said months ago.#I’m tired and I want to lay this to rest#Just leave me alone I don’t need posts on your sideblogs mentioning what happened to me or how it was addressed#I hate having to plead for a Fandom to just leave me alone because why don’t you get it? Why do you think you can give your opinion on this#I sincerely apologize for this post but I am worn down I am tired and I am in an awful place and there is nothing more that I want than for#-People to understand that I want them to stop#I don’t know how many times this Fandom will not listen to me
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well.
#LMAOOO 😭 thanks everyone who voted#i see now that the answer is just that i have to make a decision for myself. ugh i hate doing that.#i might try posting on a sideblog and see what my engagement is like idk#or i wont and ill just keep doing the same thing. 💀 assuming i actually make art anytime soon#mwahh thanks for the opinions have a good evening everybody#personal
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updated my tag list :3c
nothing much, just some additions/rearranging things around!
#lizzy speaks#also fixed up my bio a bit and put a link to my screenshot sideblog for anyone who wants to access it without following !#might start reblogging more ghost trick but i'll tag spoilers with 'ghost trick spoilers' ? (so so good game id hate to spoil it)#havent updated my tag list since mid-october 2022 and given that there are some things i rb that weren't there i decided to give it an upd8#unrelated to the actual message of tag list updating. thank you to everyone who is kind to me!#i feel like a melted puddle AGAIN !! i love people!! im so glad i could be born and have met so many wonderful people#i thnk people would be rich if they got a nickel for everytime i felt emotional about the beautiful things in life... wah
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wow. hs^2 lives on. huge for fans of robot rose everywhere
#tbh i am pretty tempted to catch up if it's updating again#it's fully a new team of ppl so like. how do u pick that up? what do u carry forward?#more importantly: what new horrors are in store for jane my best friend jane#actually more importantly there ARE epilogue/hs^2 fans. some from the main canon days when they were fans of individual team members like cV#and ppl who hated that team for the post-canon! from the ppl that have callout posts pinned to their hs sideblogs to like.#me i guess learning that jane sucks so bad and going nah i think im not interested anymore#looks like a lot of celebration in the upd8 tag tbh. wonder where the first group is these days
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i have no idea what to do w this blog tbh like i have a lot of weird baggage attached to it and it feels like a slight parasitic influence on my life and identity and a source of paranoia but it’s literally just a blog.
#ive been less online in general recently but i feel like this thing in particular is like#impossible to salvage and just runs dry constantly#i want to keep it around to preserve all the sideblogs though and to keep shilling for aoa obviously#i like the idea of having a following like [redacted] just to get attention but i know i would LOATHE the reality of it and that i cannot#actually stand attention and hate what it seems to do to peoples brains….
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every day i am tempted to move amelia to her own blog, so she's no longer a sideblog but a. i suck at running more than one blog and b. effort
#idk i also like having her as a sideblog#because everyone who follows her is actually interested in writing with her you know#also i feel like im less likely to get hate with her being a smaller blog#&. i just really like sharks okay : ooc
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we start the conversation about racism in bandom again i am forced to remember that my faves do not expect me to consume their content do not make their content with people like me in mind and often do not care about nonwhite experiences enough to try and make space for me and us within their content and sphere. the art will and can never lose the importance it has to me but it is sometimes a little devastating to remember how unvalued unwanted nonwhite people are in bandom spaces like. still.
#like the impact of this music is unchanged but tonight i am sad actually#but its fucking sad and i get to be sad about it#there were like 2 other black ppl at dunes toronto and that made me EXCITED just for some perspective#i live in a metropolis that is the most diverse city in my country#just like. hate being reminded how much these spaces arent for me and how unwelcome we are#we have to convince you guys when you’re being racist still bc white bandom kids have internalized some fucked up sense of punk#when a lot of you are neoliberals who are still scared of black people irl#feel like i have only come online to b sad or mad today SORRY GUYS#im not trying to ruin the vibe today#but the ruined vibe was kind of forced upon me#d.riv.el#going back over to main for the night i think . sigh . weird day on the mcr sideblogs for nonwhites
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They <3
#( i managed to use sarah to get luna into the party to some...very funny results i can't wait to share#seriously i have a Lot of screenshots for the sideblog#i just love her a lot and i hate that i have to use another character to get her in the game#because i love sarah and iris too ;-;#give me her episode or give me death actually )#⋆。˚ ☁︎ ˚。⋆。˚☽˚。⋆ -- i was just in the middle of an inner monologue / ooc
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