#i actively avoided it for a LARGE majority of it's life

[2bu]

two things: i just cleared my follows list of blogs (one blog I'd been following hadn't updated in over twelve years 💀) & i watched fnaf with my partner and it Sure was a movie???? lol

[rickylafleurs]

weight talk but ive already put on a couple pounds just by being here and havign access to food and it genuienly feels good

[chronicbitchsyndrome]

so... i'm seeing a lot of activism (like, actual activism, not just tumblr posts--letters & scripts to us senators, for example, copy written for press, etc) focusing on improving ventilation & filtration as primarily an access issue for immunocompromised people. basically, presenting the argument as "this is in service of this demographic, who is blocked from public access currently."

this is like. true. of course. it is the main reason i want clean air and i think it is the most pressing reason overall for it. but i think it's the wrong tack for building a clean air movement and getting legislation passed.

like, unfortunately, the vast majority of people in power--and of americans in general, tbh--are not immunocompromised and do not have immunocompromised roommates or family members. should you have to have this experience to understand that public access is a big fucking deal for, like, staying alive? no! you shouldn't! but most people straight up will not understand whatsoever unless they have personal experience with immune compromisation.

trying to change hearts and minds to have cognitive sympathy for disabled people takes a long time, decades' worth of work to just change a handful of people; meanwhile, getting legislation passed is 1) imminently important, 2) while still a lengthy process, takes significantly less time if it doesn't hinge on first converting the majority of the population to have sympathy for a marginalized demographic they have no contact with (and yes, they have no contact with us because we are barred from public access to begin with, again, i am aware of how fucked up this is).

here's some arguments for passing clean air legislation that are designed to appeal to a normative, conservative-leaning crowd:

air filtration is a public health and sanitation baseline just like running water. we provide clean water to drink and wash our hands in as a baseline for public life; we should also be providing clean air to breathe similarly.

improved ventilation and filtration in schools results in less sick days for students, meaning better attendance and less time off work for parents.

improved ventilation and filtration in the workplace results in workers taking less sick days. it also makes it less troublesome when a coworker comes in sick; it's less likely you will have to take sick leave as a result.

improved ventilation and filtration in hospitals, doctors' offices, etc, helps combat the health care worker shortage by reducing the amount of sick leave health care workers need. it additionally makes hospitals safer overall; for example, it makes it safer for cancer patients to be in the same building with patients with highly infectious airborne illnesses such as chickenpox.

improved ventilation and filtration in public buildings at large could improve the economy, as less workers stay home, more people enter the workforce, more people begin attending public businesses like bars and venues, etc.

if government programs to upgrade ventilation and filtration are created, this could create jobs for blue-collar workers, further improving the economy.

the last note i have is that, as much as this sucks shit, don't mention covid as much as you can avoid it. covid has become a massive culture war thing in the usa and as soon as you bring it up, the entire discussion becomes about virtue-signaling and showing in-group affinity--it doesn't matter what you're saying about covid, anyone who thinks "covid is over" will immediately shut down and become incapable of listening to anything else you have to say. and unfortunately, a majority of the population does, in fact, think covid is an irrelevant concern even for immunocompromised people in 2024.

importantly, all general air sanitation improvements will improve the covid situation significantly. in this context, you do not have to talk about covid in order to make real, material changes limiting the spread of covid. system-level changes that limit the spread of things like the flu and chickenpox are equally effective in limiting the spread of covid. take advantage of that!

[leog4u]

Adult Gaming Survey Results!

Hey, hey! Here's the results of that survey on adult games I set up a while back. I was blown away by the amount of responses, totaling at 1,159! After reading every write-in, I've made a little write up with some analyses that adult game devs could chew on. I think it's also interesting from an audience stand point, so give it a read! The link above goes to the survey results, so you can see the percentages and write-ins for yourself. Oh also here's a link to the top 12 favorite adult games of the responses, so you don't have to count the 591 answers yourself.

As a reminder, this is a survey for adult games. Search any game in the response list at your own risk. Minors go do something else.

And with that out of the way...!

How often do you play adult games?

Something I noticed was quite a few replies mention very large gaps between adult game sessions. I'd like to drill down on this, because paired with respondents mentioning not know how to acquire adult games, this lack of awareness might lead to less opportunities for playing adult games.

The flip side to many responses in “Other” mention binge bursts, followed by long periods of no adult game activity, it might just be a case of adult life lacking free time. 

How long do you expect an adult game to be?

A relief to game devs, there’s no major expectation for an adult game to be pulling JRPG playtime numbers. A majority would rather play a game that does what it sets out to do at its own pace, rather than hitting a target goal of X hours and be subject to poor flow and padding. 

How long is an adult gaming session?

A majority spend over an hour, with time set aside to do said adult gaming. While “till i finish” could be less than an hour, it’s still a designated time set aside to play an adult game.

What’s interesting is the responses in the “Other” category that go into detail, if the goal is to just get off, it’ll be quick. But if a game has plot and gameplay, like some kind of video game, then it’s likely they’ll take more time as they’re now being entertained in the way a video game does.

When it comes to art, what level of quality do you expect?

Again, something that should come as a relief to adult game devs. There’s not a big expectation of painted, master quality art that would be hung in a museum. People want something that gets the idea across and something fresh. 

The style should match the actual content of the game. Too many times I've played a game with the most facebook friendly mobile game style, and it just feels like it's distracting from what the game is trying to actually do.

It also would help if when a potential customer scrolls down the itch.io adult game page, their eyes don't glaze over at art that looks like every other game on the market.

Do you buy your adult games?

A problem that is highlighted here is the lack of ability or knowledge on how to buy adult games. Storefronts hide the settings needed to see adult game options, which actively lead to a lack of knowledge on how to purchase. 

A majority of the “Other” category mentions it being a combination of spending money and playing free games.

Another point to note is that some mentioned that they will pirate with the intention of spending money later. A free demo, like some mention seeking out first, can help devs avoid piracy, since some people use pirated games as a demo when none is available to see if the game’s worth it.

Another note, which unfortunately won’t help the devs affected, but when non-english games aren’t available in english or on english storefronts, some respondents feel that the only way to play is by pirating. It’s difficult to get the numbers, but I’d be interested in seeing how well japanese adult games on steam that have been localized for english speaking audiences are doing, since that previously wasn’t an option for japanese adult devs until very recently.

How important is writing in adult games for you?

This was actually a surprising result to me. Adult games primarily advertise their art. How much of it there is, how well drawn it is, if it’s animated or not. So seeing 77% of respondents cite good writing as one of the most important parts to an adult gaming experience really changes what the priorities should be for an adult game dev. 

While some would skip writing, either to get to “the good stuff” or just to skip over bad prose, some have an actively worse experience with being shown bad writing.

How important is animation in the porn scenes?

A recurring sentiment in the “Other” category is that if the animation is bad, don’t bother. 

Combined with the majority of 67.1% saying that animation is optional, I think adult game devs are safe to not prioritize it unless their game is the kind that needs it to function, like a side-scroller. It drains a lot of money and resources, especially for a first time project.

Even the live2D tweening has little payoff with these numbers considered.

How important is voice acting in the porn scenes?

Similar to animation, voice acting is a nice feature to have, if it’s done well. Otherwise it can feel tacked on, or worse, detrimental to enjoying the game.

With 50% not caring or actively muting, I think it’s safe to say that it’s a “nice to have” and resources should be focused on other things like writing and gameplay.

How important is sex sound effects in the porn scenes? (moaning, wet slapping, squelching, etc)

What’s really fascinating is that the sound effects and audio design are more appreciated than the voice acting. If I had to pinpoint a difference, it’s that bad delivery can ruin a scene, but a sound effect is far less intrusive.

What genres of porn games do you like the most?

The genres chosen were a combination of which were the most populated as well as recent trends. A large amount of write-ins were expressing that simulation games were a favorite. 

Now comes the question, is the number one favorite genre RPGs because that’s the best genre for an adult game, because it’s a genre people enjoy playing for gaming’s sake, or because a massive amount of adult games are made in RPG Maker? I think it’s a little bit of columns A, B, and C.

When it comes to adult games, what matters more?

People are here for porn, but that doesn't mean they're here for just porn. They want a good delivery vehicle for the porn. Both parts of this sentiment mean that there's one thing you should avoid more than anything and it's annoying padding and grinds. They bought your game, there's no need hide a nipple behind five hours of gameplay. Likewise, it's not very good game design to give the player everything at once, as I've mentioned before.

There are several draws to adult games. It's intimacy in a safe, virtual environment. It's making bonds with characters the player falls in love with that end with a climax, or two. It's exploring kinks. And it's blowing off some steam by getting your rocks off. These should be considered when designing a porn game.

Does a kink you enjoy influence if you buy an adult game?

In the future, I would rephrase this question as asking how much your kink factors into buying a game, rather than what was presented. As it stands, “I buy things if they’re good” isn’t that interesting or valuable of an insight.

Respect to the small slice that don't buy shit unless it has their kink in it.

Does a kink you dislike influence if you buy an adult game?

Making more extreme or polarizing kinks optional enables the developer to explore said kinks while allowing the player to avoid uncomfortable situations. As long as it’s clear what’s optional and what isn’t on the product description, this seems to be the preferred method. 

What’s your stance on AI art?

A landslide stance. This can be attributed to politics: there is a hardcore stance against any and all AI. That aside however, when it comes to selling a product to a consumer, why would they want a product they know was made with no care or effort? Where else were corners cut? AI in porn games are usually used to generate the art and writing, the most important parts (according to the survey) to the porn game. It's where you want the most care and attention, not the opposite.

What aspect of an adult game do you care about the most?

Players care about the porn in their porn games. This isn’t a surprise. Audio being ranked so low also isn’t a surprise considering the previous results. But, what is interesting is how gameplay is ranked highest in the “important” category, past art and writing. I interpret it as “come for the art and writing, stay for the gameplay.” 

Talking Points From the Free Form Responses

Replayability and customization are gameplay features people value, which can be reflected in the amount of responses citing games such as Corruption of Champions and Degrees of Lewdity as their favorites.

Porn games are really unique because you need to list out its content. We're used to spoilers being a bad thing in marketing materials, but for porn its mandatory. A customer needs to know: what's the degree of sexual content, is it cheese cake, is it gay, is there dub-con, is there inflation, the list goes on. Nobody will be mad to know that something they don't like is in something. Well, some people will be, but it's a lot worse when it's a surprise. Also consider, it stops comments asking if there's content like pregnancy in your game or not.

I can not understate how important customization is to a number of people, wanting the body and pronouns they have to be reflected in the player character. This gives text based games a bit of an edge, since it's significantly less resource intensive to accommodate for all these different identities in text vs having to make art assets for every configuration and body type.

There’s a general lack of knowledge on where to actually get adult games. This is due to social media sites making it difficult for adult content to be shared, as well as limited market places for adult content. Epic Game Store has a ban on it, despite allowing for full on con-artist projects like NFT and Crypto games, while Steam requires some settings to be changed that aren't advertised. However, Steam's new feature to hide games definitely helps gamers feel more comfortable acquiring adult games since their friends won't have to know when they're jerking off.

Woman focused content that doesn’t involve non-con is lacking. Meanwhile, a lot of adult games that feature a woman protagonist that does consent either have her be bimbofied or a literal succubus, rather than an actual character that wants sex like their male counterparts. These male counterparts could be extracted from their porn game and placed in any other fantasy story and get along fine, so why not women?

Don’t forget to add a gallery to your game.

[eddiegettingshot]

feel like this has always been pretty clear but buck's hamster wheel isn't about the specific relationships he's in or who they're with, it's about his shitty self-worth that stops him from interrogating his own wants and needs and largely makes him a passive participant in his own life. the pattern of his romantic relationships is the most obvious symptom of this because his desperate pursuit of love is rooted in said shitty self-worth. him discovering something new about his identity or breaking from that in minor ways does not begin to approach the wounds caused by his parents' emotional neglect nor does it change the resulting self-soothing behavior patterns that all of his romantic partners have reinforced thus far, which allow him to avoid recognizing his own agency.

the reason why eddie comes up is because he is actually pretty much the only person in buck's life thus far who has actively and consistently disrupted buck's complacency with taking the backseat in his own life. the way he treats buck allows him room to heal himself. historically this has been difficult for buck when he's in his various hamster-wheel relationships because said relationships are, as i said, the result of a much deeper issue with his perception of himself and so they allow him to stay in the same cycles (we all heard bobby call him out).

if buck were in a vulnerable/confused/uncertain position where he didn't understand what it was that he wanted, and eddie made a move on him, and that kickstarted their relationship, this would literally still be the same exact hamster wheel!!!!!! because he'd still be going in with the same issues that have caused rifts in all of his other relationships, and he wouldn't have made any strides in tackling said issues! if someone's saying otherwise, they're wrong!!!!!

but it would be not only shitty but completely out of character for about 20 different reasons for eddie to do this. it doesn't have to be eddie; it could absolutely be another character who also insists on trusting buck to make decisions for himself, they'd just have to introduce someone new. eddie just currently happens to be narratively positioned in a way that it makes sense for buck to be able to do the work on himself that would allow him to take the reins for the first time literally ever with him. getting off the hamster wheel is not about eddie or about any other character... it's about buck, developing such that he can make particular choices in his interactions with other characters that actually help him grow. that growth could happen through eddie or it could not. it doesn't matter, just like his actual romantic partner doesn't matter while he's still on the hamster wheel.

buck is not real and he has no interiority so it's actually ok to admit that certain narratives attached to certain characters might assist in or hinder his growth. it's also ok that buck's self-discovery and his relationship with a man instead of a woman affected very little change in this stuff that isn't necessarily about his sexuality. none of buck's problems take away from the fact that he's bisexual. and the fact that buck knows he's bisexual still doesn't necessarily heal the majority of his problems. if you want to believe that tommy has taken him off the wheel, that's fine! but there's no need to misrepresent or reduce what's being said on the other side.

[olderthannetfic]

Whenever I see the "there is no F/F content in fandoms, fandoms hate women" discussion on Tumblr, all I can think of is a phrase that is guaranteed to enrage half the Tumblr fandom audience, maybe more: "Have you tried imageboards?".

When I was younger, I used to frequent different anime and cartoon-themed imageboards. Big ones like 4Chan's /a/ and /co/, smaller ones meant for specific fandoms or kinks, non-English ones in my native language, you name it. The users were mostly straight men, and the F/F content and shipping flourished there. The "waifu threads" exclusively dedicated to gushing about female blorbos. The wast majority of kink content involving fictional women, either alone, with a nondescript self-insert man or with each other. The F/F fanart, fanfiction and ideas were just limitless, to the point where you would struggle to find one or two discussions about the guys in the midst of everyone celebrating the women.

The anime, cartoon or comic has a cast full of women? They will all get love. Women and men both? Women will generate much more discussion. One or two women amidst the cast full of men? People will mostly post about the two women, deal with it. Sure, there were designated boards and threads for the male characters, but good luck expecting there to be as much activity as there were in the waifu threads. The fandoms with lots of female characters, such as Touhou Project, thrived on these grounds, and much F/F shipping was had by everyone.

Now, of course, the imageboard culture is an entire separate beast. Right-leaning, edgy, bigoted - basically, what you get if you put a bunch of ostracized and lonely cishet male nerds in an echo chamber and let them feed each other bullshit all day long. A lot of the F/F art they made was sexual in nature, something that could be decried as sexualisation, but, the way I remember it, it was not much different from what is often done to male characters by straight women who ship M/M because they find the two dudes hot. A lot of gushing about waifus by the anonymous 4Chan dudes could be seen as misogynistic, despite the language being practically the same as when a Tumblr fandom girl is describing her blorboman and the things she wants to see done to him.

It all comes down to the the real life influencing the way we interact with fiction: male sexuality is viewed in a different light than female sexuality, despite both being more or less demonized in our society, just in different ways. Men are always predators, women are always victims. When a guy has sexual fantasies about a female character, he is a creep who wants to hurt real life women to enact these fantasies. When a woman has sexual fantasies about male characters, she cannot tell fiction from reality and is at risk of getting hurt by men while trying to enact these fantasies. And if either of them fantasizes about a same-sex couple, they are fetishizing queer people, obviously.

However, that's just how people roll - you cannot change what gender you are attracted to, and people with similar attractions stick together. It just so happens that the fandom side of Tumblr largely consists of straight women and queer men, so you get ships with guys, while the fandom side of 4Chan and the like largely consists of straight men, so you get ships with women. Both sides also happen to have cultures that don't mix well, and someone who frequents one place is likely to avoid the other.

I don't frequent 4Chan anymore, and I'm not big on fandom Tumblr, either, but Tumblr continues to be the unique place where I am more likely to stumble upon erotic fandom content featuring men than women, who are the majorly discussed and shipped characters practically everywhere else. I obviously do not excuse 4Chan's bigotry and rampant hateful bullshit, but my point still stands: if you want to see more F/F shipping and discussions of girl blorbos, but don't feel like making some yourself and creating a like-minded community on Tumblr, you should try your luck elsewhere on the Internet, especially when it comes to anime and cape comic fandoms. Tumblr is a unique place in terms of male-centric fandom content, and honestly, it's not that bad, if Tumblr isn't the only place you find your stuff at. It simply occupies a specific niche and doesn't offer much of everything else (though you can still find it if you look).

--

Now, be fair: plenty of imageboards are full of nominally straight guys who love millions of female blorbos... and art of Link getting wrecked.

[twistmusings]

Character Analysis of the Twisted Wonderland Dorm Rooms - Scarabia

Dorm Room Character Analysis Series

Heartslabyul | Savanaclaw | Octavinelle | Scarabia | Pomefiore | Ignihyde | Diasomnia

Kalim Al-Asim

Kalim's room is notably organized, to start with. Whereas with Floyd, I theorized his room was largely his doing, due to the sporadic organization of it, I believe that Kalim's room being as organized as it is is very likely through Jamil's intervention, given what we know about their relationship.

Kalim's room is designed for company - he doesn't have a desk set up, but he does have a pillow and an ottoman set out for having people over. He also has a tea set at hand and ready for guests. Considering Kalim was raised by a wealthy family, you can see touches of it throughout the room - particularly here. Kalim likes to be a host for other people, and he likes to make them feel welcome. That being said, with how much Jamil is told to take care of Kalim, it's not hard to imagine that he also gets roped into taking care of guests - something I will go into more details about when I actually talk about Jamil's room.

Kalim has a frankly ridiculous amount of pillows, and none of them match. (I counted 15 of them.) I suspect that in large part, this is to show the eccentric nature of Kalim's personality. Having many, vibrant patters from a design perspective lends to a bright, slightly spacey personality, which fits in well with Kalim and how he presents himself.

Kalim also has quite a few books. The books in Twisted Wonderland are generally easy to identify by their shape and size - and it's important to note that this seems to be mostly a personal collection. What this tells us is that while Kalim seems to be a bit turned off of studying, he does show an interest in reading if it's something that interests him. Again, I would say most of these are probably organized by Jamil, so it's hard to say if there are any he would reach for regularly.

There are two possibilities for this box right here. Either this is a first aid kit. We know that one of Jamil's major duties is to ensure that Kalim isn't harmed under his watch, so it's possible that Jamil stuck this here. (Not to get too far into video game lore, but I can see why there wasn't a cross placed here - because of geneva conventions it gets sticky to use the symbol of a cross on an item in a video game because it is not permitted for use in a context where medical services are not being offered in a real life context. Still, this leaves some questions as to what this is.)

Or, this could be a piece of mail for Kalim, likely sent by Kalim's family. We don't get to see much of the Al-Asim family when it came to the Firelit Sky event, but this would seem to imply that Kalim's parents are doting enough to send him a care package with a little heart drawn on it.

Kalim's secret Mickey is just above his bed on the wall below the windows.

Jamil Viper

So, like the other members of the dorms who aren't dorm leaders, Jamil shares his room with someone else, as seen by the second rug and desk to the right-hand side of the frame.

The first thing I want to point out, Jamil's room shows the hallmarks of being a room that is intended for a single person, as opposed to Kalim's. In fact, this room is a very solitary, closed-in room, with very little decoration and very little personalization. Jamil, likely, spends very little time here between tending to Kalim and doing his regular school activities. I wouldn't go so far as to describe it as prison-like, but it certainly feels stifling. That's worth examining, as not decorating a room is actually telling from a psychological standpoint - people who don't decorate tend to be more avoidant personalities than people who do. While I don't want to get too far into spoilers so far as the Japanese release goes (iykyk, otherwise you'll find out soon), but this actually tracks with Jamil - he tends to deal with his problems by not dealing with them until he can't avoid them anymore.

Jamil actually ties and hangs his shoes! I think this is a neat detail. Speaking to real life inspirations, it's very common courtesy in Muslim households to remove your shoes on entering a home, and to my knowledge it's a common practice throughout the Middle East. So, more than likely, Jamil and Kalim both likely remove their shoes at the door and walk through the dorm using slippers or barefoot. It's a thoughtful touch to include a little detail like this for Twist characters as well.

While Jamil is noted to like music and dance in canon, I think it's interesting that in his dorm room, he is one of the few people who has a boombox and headphones. In fact, it's one of the few personal touches we do see in his room. This is on his desk, so likely, he listens to music while he studies. I also believe there's a bit of symbolism here - as Jamil is likely using this as a method of shutting himself off from the people around him, as well. Generally speaking, Jamil's room paints him to be the solitary sort, and I think it's worth considering that Jamil is likely an introvert.

Jamil also has one of these boxes in his room. As I said before, this could imply one of two things:

If this is a first aid kit, and Kalim is in Jamil's room frequently enough that Jamil felt the need to put one in his room as well. If so, Jamil has not gone out of his way to make his room any more comfortable to Kalim to be in.

Alternatively, if this is a package, that means that Jamil's family or Kalim's Family also make a point to send this mail to Jamil. Since we can only guess as to the contents of the box, it's hard to say which it is. There are a few possibilities that arise from this:

1. This packaging is the standard packaging for post coming from the Scalding Sands. This is a little unlikely because of the heart on the box.

2. This is a package that whoever sent it has gone through the effort of drawing a heart on it. This indicates it's likely coming from family.

3. Because the boxes are the same and appear to have the same writing on both, it's likely if it is a package that Kalim and Jamil's families packed these care packages together and send them to both of them.

Again, because it's a bit nondescript and hard to say for certain whether this is medical supplies or if it's a package, I would say this is up to interpretation at this point! Unless we get confirmation one way or the other, let your headcanons run wild.

Jamil's hidden Mickey is in his scrying orb on his desk.

[hunxi-after-hours]

Hello! I love your ORV posting. I do have an embarrassing question; can I ask how heartbreaking the ending is? I've tried reading it a large number of times, but have had trouble getting past the chapters in the 300s; I'll reread it up til that point over and over again, but can't continue. Not because I don't enjoy it, but because I get so swept away by the emotions, and all the characters go through is agonizing. I know it's not real! But my heart aches all the same, in a way I've never experienced this with a novel before, and I feel like a child LOL (It's also extremely funny-frustrating because I realize how thematic this is to the story itself). I'm not worried about the characters Kim Dokja is fighting for, but given the patterns in the story and how it seems to be told, I'm too afraid to keep going. I know I could just look it up, but at the same time, I don't want to spoil all the mysteries; just if my heart can rest easy. TLDR, if it's not too spoilery, is there any light for kim dokja in the ending? or is it a tragedy through & through?

(If this is a dumb question, please feel free to ignore this)

oh boy anon, I've been sitting on this ask for a hot second because it's hard to answer! so I will attempt to talk around it in a way that will hopefully (?) avoid spoilers

as I see it, the nature of orv's ending (broadly writ) is additionally complicated by the fact that there are approximately four(ish) endings:

1) the ending at chapter 516

2 + 3) the ending(s) at chapter 551

4?) the side stories

the ending at chapter 516

this is probably what many people would characterize as BE, but I'd personally compare it to the ending of my love, my life, 《琅琊榜》 Nirvana in Fire, in that the ending may be "sad" (broad air quotes to vague-ify whatever "sad" entails) but it feels earned. it feels right. it feels like the logical conclusion of what the entire book was building up to. some may consider it a tragedy, but it's not a hollow, meaningless tragedy — it feels correct. this is the note that the novel officially ends on, but is then over(?)written by the existence of—

the ending(s) at chapter 551

Kim Dokja's Company looks at the ending of ch. 516 and says "aw hell no" and sets out to rewrite that ending. after 35 chapters of epilogue, we've unlocked an OE — an open ending, that concludes the moment before the HE/BE ambiguity will be resolved. schrodinger's ending, except you, the reader, get to choose what you believe — and I do think the epilogues are written beautifully to get you here (they implicate the reader in a wonderful and deeply empathetic way). and from what I've seen, the vast majority of the fandom chooses to take the offered HE option and run with it; everyone lives happily ever after together in a big house, a million domestic post-canon fics will attest. this is the closest, I'd say, that would come answering your question of whether Kim Dokja has light in his future with an emphatic, loving "yes"

(I also think it's worth mentioning that the epilogues add a lot to the story; they fill in narrative lacunae and tie up loose threads that aren't answered in the original 516 chapters, so I don't consider the epilogues as "separate" or "extra." the epilogues aren't a fix-it tacked onto the end of the narrative; they serve and enrich the narrative in a way that would actively reduce the luster of the story if lost)

the side story

a few years down the line, Sing-shong have returned to the text to tie up "a few more loose ends." the side story is currently being serialized, and more or less picks up from where chapter 551 left off. this necessarily chooses among your OE options as detailed above; whether the side story will end happily, or with "light for Kim Dokja," currently remains to be seen as it is still ongoing. I've fallen off the bandwagon and have been meaning to catch up, but from what I've read so far I think the side story is an interesting and worthwhile addition to the text. Sing-shong continue to innovate and develop upon the worldbuilding and narrative they have already created, and we have met a new cast of characters that have rapidly become as dear to us as the old (the old cast of characters are also here, don't worry). if I were a betting person, I would say that the side story is headed in a more-or-less HE direction; the side story is currently engaging with and complicating themes of (self-)identity and (self-)worth through the many lenses of Kim Dokja, and while it remains to be seen how it resolves, I am tentatively optimistic that it will, if nothing else, be satisfying

TL;DR the ending(s) of ORV can be variously construed as HE, BE, or OE, and the elements of tragedy woven into the narrative and characters are inherent to the text. however, no tragedy is meaningless in ORV, and all of the endings feel earned

[richarlotte]

Heauxing Tips?

Here’s what I believe.

In regards to PPM and the discussion I see around here, let me give you my opinion. If you’re accepting less than $600 in MCOL areas, you’re being taken advantage of (robbed BLIND) and setting your standards way too low. You’re also making it difficult for others, whether that be inadvertently or not. You, as the provider, set the number and stick to it. If a man is worth your while, he will give you what you want, pay it to you gladly, and keep his complaints to himself.

 

I honestly believe that if you aren’t actively looking for opportunities, you won’t find them. I love looking at lists of events and places to go, but I also know that women aren’t actually meeting single, very wealthy, or established men at these events. You should obviously go to things and be seen outside, but you can’t go to event after event looking for a man. It becomes weird, people will notice, and there’s nothing wrong with relaxing and enjoying your life without looking for a mark. You won’t meet him at a country club, don’t try.

 

If you are a black woman, do not listen to advice telling you to freestyle in groups. I’m going to just outright say it so what I say won’t be mistaken for anything else. The only white men that will approach a large group of black women are the police. I also don’t believe in the concept of freestyling with a group. I’ve done it with a single friend before, and we had dinner and drinks fully paid for, but it’s honestly not worth coordinating, going out, and expecting to hit it big. Groups draw eyes, and you don’t want eyes or law enforcement on your back.

 

You have to have a genuinely high opinion of yourself to survive sugaring, escorting, heauxing, or whatever you want to call it. If you look at the suicide rates in any industry where sex sells, you’ll immediately see that the suicide rate is higher than normal. You literally have to be level headed and know when to step away to survive. On the same note, if you have no concept of personal safety, then you need to not do this. The police will not take you seriously, and they don’t take most women seriously in general. Men are aggressive, and the tables can turn very quickly in this lifestyle.

 

You have to fit the role and look the part. Are there men out there in the world who’d hire plus-size providers? Sure. Are they few and far between? Absolutely. There is a look that is desired in every city, but most men are going to want top-of-the-line, clean, well spoken, and presentable providers who know how to maintain a certain level of discretion and do well in professional settings. There is a standard of beauty, and to be one of the women who’s always doing well, you have to fit that standard and curate an exclusive client list (yes, that means turning plenty of people down and not taking on more than you can handle).

 

If you don’t keep a low profile, you will get screwed over. I have friends who’ve gotten arrested in major cities; I know girls who are denied entry to the USA and other countries; I know women who’ve had their homes raided; and the forums for serious sex workers are always alight with some sort of drama. If you don’t keep your head down, keep your client list small, and avoid any unnecessary conflict, then I guarantee you’ll get caught up in something that will waste your time. You also have to hold yourself accountable for your own fuckups because, I swear, there are too many instances where I’ve seen someone do something seriously illegal that they knew not to do.

 

If you were serious, you’d go out of your way to access the review sites and see what the serious providers are doing. I’m sorry, but I get so tired of reading accounts from “sugar babies” on Tumblr who don’t know what the forums are, don’t know why high class clients ask about reviews, don’t understand Tryst, and don’t understand the importance of having a photographer and a website. Basic level research and a tiny bit of time spent on Reddit would get you up to speed; learning the etiquette is easy enough, and people would take you seriously instead of making assumptions. It’s nearly impossible to build an exclusive base without this knowledge, and I’d recommend having it so that you’re aware of things.

And remember, if she was dating a senator, she wouldn’t be on Tumblr.

[getcardedtarot]

August Month Ahead PAC

Hello, lovelies! Today I have a reading about the month to come.

Your current self Ace of Swords

You’re in the midst of a realization. Your mind is clear for the first time in a while. Your thoughts are sharp and your conscience  is clear. You’re being honest with yourself about your desires and unique challenges. 

The theme of the month Queen of Swords

Put aside your usual compassion and empathy, and focus on the objective facts. This month is all about putting emotion aside and making unbiased judgements. Achieving more independence is also a large theme. 

A key goal to pursue Seven of Cups

The key goal for this month is going to be to stop fantasizing and daydreaming about the life you could have. The time has come to ignore distractions and actively pursue what you want in life. You have many choices before you, even if you don’t recognize them. However, now is the time to pick one and stick with it. 

An obstacle to overcome Temperance

There is something out of balance in your life, and it’s causing you stress and anxiety. You don’t currently have a long-term plan, which leads to you not having a sense of purpose. As with the other cards in this spread, there is a calling for choosing a path and sticking with it. 

A major accomplishment Death

A major accomplishment this month is going to be a major change. Once you’ve chosen your path, and start moving towards your goal, things will naturally change in your life. Your life will transform. This is exactly what you need. There is also a need for you to let go of unhealthy attachments. 

What to avoid Ace of Cups

As your life begins to change, it will be important not to let your nostalgia make you view this as a bad thing. As new things flow into your life, old things will flow out. This is not a bad thing. Don’t view this as a loss. This is a new beginning. 

What to embrace Page of Cups

Embrace new ideas as they come to you. Embrace inspiration as it comes. This will help you to keep moving forward in your goals. Embrace also new adventures, as they will open many doors for you this month. 

Where to find support The Tower

Find support in the solid foundation of your life. Change is a normal part of life, but it can be scary at times. Your old way of life is no longer useful to you, and so it is time to tear down your tower and start building a new one. 

Advice and encouragement Two of Swords

Making life decisions is always scary and difficult. There is the uncertainty of the future, coupled with feeling the loss of your old way of life. However, making this choice will strike a new balance in your life. When you’re having difficulty with making this choice, be sure that you aren’t intentionally blinding yourself to the end results for fear of change.

Your current self Six of Pentacles

You’ve recently been in a place of hardship, but the tides are starting to turn in your favor. The hardship is beginning to ease up. You’re beginning to feel like you can breathe again. 

The theme of the month The World

The theme of this month is fulfillment. You’ve been putting in so much effort and it’s starting to pay off. You’re starting to see relief from your hardship in a big way. The world is now open to you. 

A key goal to pursue Strength

This month, try to have compassion, not just for others, but for yourself. You’re resilient and strong, use that to your advantage this month. These traits are just as useful in good times as they are in bad times. Move forward knowing that you can accomplish whatever you set your mind to. 

An obstacle to overcome Eight of Cups

You are transitioning from your time of hardship. You’re leaving your troubles behind. And yet, there’s a lingering fear of change. You don’t want to stay in the bad situation you were in, but it was familiar. Remember that change happens when we need it most. 

A major accomplishment King of Cups

This month, you will achieve a balance between your heart and your head. Work towards acknowledging and feeling your emotions without letting them take over. Use your inner wisdom to help strike the perfect balance in your life. You know what you need. When encountering negativity, trust your judgment. 

What to avoid Eight of Wands

Avoid making hasty decisions, especially ones based on emotion alone. Be patient as these changes in your life happen. Seeking to rush them along may lead to unexpected consequences. On a similar note, don’t allow yourself to lose momentum. Things will happen as they are meant to, even if you can’t see the purpose yet. 

What to embrace The Devil

Embrace freedom. You are the one ultimately in control of your life. You may feel bound, but those binds are imaginary. When you’re feeling impatient or stuck this month, do something nice for yourself. A little indulgence now and then can help keep a positive mindset. 

Where to find support Seven of Wands

Find support within yourself this month. Protect your energy. Stand up for your beliefs. As you transition to a better place in your life, there may be people around you who try to bring you back down. Protect yourself from this. You are so strong, you are fully capable of defending your position. 

Advice and encouragement Wheel of Fortune

The tides are turning around for you. Your bad times are coming to an end, with good times coming to replace them. Enjoy this time to its fullest. You never know how long they will last. The Wheel is always turning. For the time being, luck is with you. Things will get better from here. 

Your current self Four of Swords

You have retreated after a time of hardship. You’re using this time to gather new strength to move forward. This is also a time of rest and reflection for you. Now is the time for a break as you work on inner healing and preparing for the next phase of your life. 

The theme of the month The Hanged Man

The theme of this month is gaining a new perspective. This is not a time to rush into anything new. Rather, take the time to properly sort through your past and make amends with the things that have happened. Don’t let those things bog you down in the future. 

A key goal to pursue Seven of Pentacles

This month, it’s important to put in the hard work necessary to reap the rewards you want later. Keep the satisfaction of watching your crops grow in mind. No matter the nature of the difficult period you’ve just been through, try to take something away from it. Whether it’s knowledge that you’re strong enough to overcome obstacles, or learning from a mistake. 

An obstacle to overcome Ten of Cups

Your idealized image of a happy home and of comfort is broken. You feel distance where you want closeness. Your hopes for happiness fell through. You may feel separation and isolation. You may even have discord in your close connections. Work through these feelings. This is not an end for you. 

A major accomplishment Ace of Pentacles

You’re entering into a new financial opportunity. Work will be required to bring this to fruition, but it’s a great opportunity. Your hard work will make sure that you’re psychologically ready to enter into this opportunity. Make sure that your mindset is right for the stability and prosperity this opportunity has the potential to bring in.                                                       

What to avoid Six of Swords

Don’t let the discomfort of this period draw you into returning to the troubled past. Likewise, don’t let the discomfort lead you to run away from your problems. Working through them now will save you trouble in the future. Don’t let yourself feel that you’re being forced to move on before you’re ready. 

What to embrace The Sun

Embrace joy and warmth. As you work through the issues of the recent past, allow yourself to be comforted by happy moments. As you work through things, you will become more and more confident. Embrace this confidence, it’s well earned!

Where to find support Five of Pentacles

Find support in the positive changes in your life. You’re recovering, overcoming adversity. You’re creating a life you feel welcomed in. Your period of isolation is coming to an end. The worst is over, but you can’t expect things to change overnight. 

Advice and encouragement Page of Pentacles

You have everything you need within you to turn things around. You’re ambitious and grounded. You know what you want now, and you can work towards it knowing that you’re diligent enough to see it through. Remain inspired, continue to lay the groundwork for what you want. 

[avelera]

Where the heck is Satan in Good Omens S2?

And could we perhaps find evidence of him in the places where the furniture used to be?

For reference:

Hastur & Ligur, 1.1: "All Hail Satan." "All Hail Satan."

Crowley, 1.5: "I never asked to be a demon. I was just minding my own business one day and then… oh, lookie here, it's Lucifer and the guys."

Adam Young 1.6: "You're not my dad and you never were."

Satan, 1.6: "No, no, no!" (He promptly dissolves into black ash and vanishes. Immediately after, Aziraphale and Crowley look at their no-longer-flaming sword and tire iron as if not entirely sure why they're there.)

Crowley, 2.1: "Do you ever think, what's the point? ... Heaven, Hell, Demons, Angels?"

Crowley 2.2 (circa ~2000 BCE): "Satan and his diabolical ministers..."

Gabriel 2.3: "I remember when the morning stars sang together and all the angels of god shouted for joy.” (emphasis mine. Lucifer/Satan was the Morning Star. Why the heck is morning stars plural??)

Edit: Shax 2.6: “I demand that you hand over both Gabriel and Beelzebub as gifts for Satan, our master.” (Could debunk the whole theory, might not only because she seems pretty low-ranked and could be going through the motions even though he's gone, but we'll see. Including to get all the evidence down.)

... And I think there's some other S2 references to higher ups and "Our Lord" by Shax supposedly, but I'm too sleep-deprived to go combing through for them (I'd be much obliged if anyone else could grab any other exact quotes that mention Satan by name or seem to refer to him in Season 2.)

Let's first get the Doylist explanation for why Satan might not be around out of the way: Satan was the Big Bad of Season 1. He's been dispatched. Furthermore, he's played by the most likely very expensive Benedict Cumberbatch, so he's not likely to be back in a hurry if it at all can be avoided, and alluding to him at all might just create confusion with viewers who will then expect to see Satan.

(Below the cut: but what if there's more to it than that?)

But as others may have seen with the, "Metatron is actively editing the Book of Life in S2 and that's why things are weird," meta, there's quite a bit of speculation going around that something fucky is going on in S2.

However, while I agree that some points in S2 are certainly fucky I'm not convinced on all or even most of the supporting evidence. Most of the explanations have a Doylist counterpoint like "It's just bad writing," or "They just wanted to bring back some actors they enjoyed working with," or, "The film crew just made a mistake," or "They just forgot that bit of continuity." After all, half of the original writing duo is tragically no longer with us, so there's going to be some level of story drift regardless.

While in general I find the, "It's not that deep," explanation more plausible in most instances, I'd be a very poor disgruntled English Major indeed if I made sweeping claims that the wallpaper being blue is always a coincidence. It's muddier with TV because there's so many proverbial cooks in the kitchen and plenty of human error to go around, but I'd equally never claim that I think Good Omens S2 wasn't a labor of love by those who worked on it, and certainly there's evidence that care was taken in its production, so everything that's off being a mistake is also not a sweeping generalization I'd want to make either.

Which is my way of saying that I'm not convinced by the Metatron meta but I think some of the ideas there are on to something. I don't think it's plausible that a writer would in S3 reveal that in S2, the heretofore largely off-screen character of the Metatron was actively editing the story as we went with the heretofore only mentioned once, never seen, and immediately denounced as a joke Book of Life. BUT, there is some fucky stuff happening that I won't say was the result of some Genius Mastermind Writer deciding it was a good idea to actively write badly and provide stories with no payoff, but I will consider that some of the apparent continuity errors might not be so accidental as they seem, because this was a labor of love and at least on this count, I don't think that Neil was necessarily that careless. Or at least, I'm more inclined to look for clues in places where I can see logistical choices being made, rather than in more subjective claims like "This bad writing is meant to be Bad Writing and therefore a Clue." Because writing is hard even under the best of circumstances, especially in TV and having lost the aforementioned half of a beloved writing duo.

Moving on! Thing is, if we're to believe that there's some sort of mystery hidden in plain sight that was introduced in Season 2, then it did not pay off yet. This makes me a little suspicious of the overall claims that there was a hidden Season 2 mystery, because a good mystery really should pay off within the text, and expecting the reader to keep their unsatisfied suspicions in their heads for 3-4 years for a later satisfying conclusion is... optimistic at best and downright sloppy at worst.

Unless, the mystery spans the entire show. If the clues we're seeing are meant to pay off in S3, and we assume some level of competence, then more likely these are series spanning mysteries that will be satisfying when one is able to watch all three installments. And that means, if there is a mystery in S2, we should be checking back with Season 1 to look for the roots of it.

Which is what brings me to Satan.

What on Earth happened to Satan?

Is Satan still around?

Now, my theory would be much more satisfying to me, personally, if Satan's name was never spoken in S2 but alas, there is the Book of Job episode and I believe some other mentions by name, mostly by Shax? I'd love some backup on that. But I very deliberately don't count demons just saying things like, "Our lord" or making vague referrals to the powers that be to be references to Satan because if he's vanished, someone could have easily filled the power vacuum or there could be an empty throne room somewhere and everyone is just going through the motions (or he's become the Sandman Lucifer who fucked off to lie on a beach, which would be delightful. Anyway).

When Hastur and Ligure showed up in 1.1 they specifically said, "All Hail Satan," and Crowley was shown to be an outsider that he did not return this familiar call-and-response. Yet no one in Hell in S2 uses the All Hail Satan greeting. The references to Satan are few, even in Hell. There doesn't seem to be a lot of fear of Satan either, but more around other higher-ups like Beelzebub, Duke of Hell, who appears to be the highest ranking person we see in Hell?

And also interestingly, Crowley and Beelzebub are both lamenting how pointless all of this seems. Kind of interesting for two individuals who still despise Heaven too and, presumably, took Satan's side once long ago when they all Fell. The political fire has definitely gone out of them, which can be plausibly attributed to the Apocalypse failing and/or the two of them falling in love with their Angelic counterparts, but it's also just kind of weird that suddenly they both really don't see the point in any of these conflicts that once defined their existence.

Perhaps, and this is where I go out on a limb or ten, because Satan isn't around anymore?

Is there no longer a hand at the wheel in Hell, reminding everyone of their loathing of Heaven?

Is there no longer someone actively above Beelzebub, telling them what to do, such that they have the freedom to sneak away and pursue a romance with an archangel and not have their boss show up to stop them the way Gabriel's did?

Did Adam, when he made Satan not his father but more importantly that Satan never was his father, undo more than we realize?

Because that's the kind of Gaiman mystery that I can wholly believe is lurking in plain sight, because Satan was a big deal in S1, he was the Big Bad! It's in the text! The damned book series is built on the idea of a satirical Antichrist take on The Omen. All Hail Satan is one of the first spoken lines of dialogue in the book. Satan is kind of central to any story that's going to revolve around a battle between Heaven and Hell!

And yet... he's barely mentioned this season. And demons suddenly don't remember what they're fighting for. How odd.

Maggie and Nina's actresses also played nuns of the Satanic Chattering Order of St. Beryl. If there was no Antichrist, isn't it possible that neither of those women would have become Satanic nuns and might, instead, own a coffee shop and a record store somewhere?

If there was no Antichrist, isn't it possible that through some convoluted series of events, Madame Tracy, a witch, fell afoul of a demon or managed to become one herself?

Isn't it possible that once you open the door to the ripple effects of a Satan who either never existed (though the Fall still happened) or who only existed up until at least Job, but who was never Adam's father, that some other fucky things could happen too, like Aziraphale suddenly not being fond of alcohol? This continuity detail is much more of a stretch but it is such a plot point in the book that Aziraphale loves to drink and S1 that I do find that particular continuity break particularly vexing and it's one I side-eye the most in terms of "not sure if sloppiness or a Clue".

Anyway, point is:

Satan is curiously absent this season and technically, he was unmade or at least unmade as Adam's father last season. If something is fucking with the timeline, I think that on-screen, very visible event deserves some scrutiny over and beyond vaguely alluded to, off-screen fuckery by the Metatron with no in-text confirmation at all.

There's a lot of weird and bad writing in S2, sure, but some of the continuity breaks do, admittedly, feel too big to be simple oversights and I don't think it's entirely conspiratorial to think something more might be going on and if such a mystery is going to span multiple seasons, we should look back to S1 for the seeds.

It is possible that the unmaking of Satan has had ripple effects that explain some of these continuity changes and some of the cheeky casting of S1 actors in new roles as perhaps not entirely without in-story justification.

So in my mind, the question I have no answer to, but that might deserve some scrutiny going into Season 3 is:

How much did Satan never being Adam's father alter the timeline?

Edit: And here's one last spooky quote to consider: “I remember when the morning stars sang together and all the angels of god shouted for joy." - Gabriel's weird prophecy / quoting of God

Why single out the reference to morning stars plural? Lucifer is very famously the Morning Star, you can't accidentally allude to morning stars in this context without referring to him, you just can't. So what the fuck is going on with this Biblically sourced quote that sort of alludes to Satan, but not by name, and makes the reference to the Morning Star plural?? And even though it is the original text, apparently, it's still a choice by the writers to really highlight the line about morning stars and give that line to Gabriel to say in the present too. Something is sus.

[siriuslyshewrote]

𝐃𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 - 𝐒.𝐁

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 2,498

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: You are given a detention with the rather annoying Sirius Black. Pure fluff, basically.

Sirius Black was somewhat of an enigma to you. The two of you had always been rather distinctly aware of one another, coming from the same social background, going to the same functions and balls growing up, and yet, if you truly thought about it, you weren't so sure that you had spoken more than three or four offhand sentences to the boy your entire life. Though you went to the same school, even, the year between the two of you, and the fact you wore the colours green and silver, put you much closer to his younger brother Regulus.

You weren't so sure you were ever much more than a passing thought to him, and with his visible and growing disdain for not only Slytherin, but pureblood society in general over the years you had learnt to actively avoid both he and his little gang of friends, lest you walk into another one of their ridiculous pranks. You wouldn't say you disliked the boy per say, but a certain wave of irritation rippled over you when you saw him - particularly after the prank he had pulled last year which had left you, and the rest of your dorm-mates with vivid, crimson red hair for several weeks, no matter how many potions and spells you tried to remove it with.

That was why, as you walked into detention on a cold, November night in your sixth year, you were most aggravated to see that the only two people in the room was Professor McGonnagal and the older Black boy. He was leaning back on his chair, twirling a quill in his fingers, looking thoroughly bored, and his stormy grey eyes immediately flickered to you as you rather ungracefully burst through the door of the Transfiguration classroom.

"Sorry," You turned to McGonnagal, pushing your windswept hair away from your face.

"Late again, Miss Y/L/N," She pursed her lips slightly, though there was a look of slight amusement in her eyes. "You are aware that is what your current detention is for, yes?"

Being late was somewhat of an unfortunate trademark of yours, and really it was the only thing your professors could fault you for, but your habit of absent-mindedness and forgetting the time had landed you in more detentions at your time in Hogwarts than you could count.

You placed your bag on the floor next to the desk which you assumed you were to take - the only one in the room with a thick stack of parchment upon, aside from Sirius'. He gave you a somewhat amused look as you sat down next to him, still twirling that blasted quill around his fingers.

"Sorry Professor," You mustered up an apologising look, though a small smile danced on your lips.

You knew that though it frustrated your professors to no end that you were always late, the majority of them were rather fond of you outside of that, due to the fact that you did always study rather profusely, even if you were prone to missing deadlines on occasion.

Professor McGonnagal made a small tutting noise, and your attention was drawn to a large box in her hands.

"As I was just telling Mr. Black here, I had already committed to helping out Professor Flitwick with some work this evening, so I will be leaving you with this task."

She pulled out a large pile of parchment from the box, dividing it and placing half on your desk, and half on the nearby desk of Sirius'. The parchment was looking rather worse for wear, some of the writing barely legible, and it had a smell rather like mothballs.

"The two of you will be transcribing these detention cards," She gestured towards them. "Onto new parchment. Perhaps whilst you do that, you can reflect on your own reasons for being in detention."

As she said this, she gave a rather severe look to Sirius, who gave her a cheeky grin, leaning further back in his chair. His hair was shorter than you had ever seen it now - barely grazing his jaw. He looked distinctly older, you thought, chastising yourself for even noticing such a thing.

"Once you have both worked through these, you can put them on my desk and go and enjoy your evenings," She said, walking back towards the front of the classroom, pausing at the door for a moment to glance back at the both of you. "And Mr Black, I do implore you to not receive any inspiration from these."

A small smile twitched your mouth as Sirius guffawed beside you.

"Can't make any promises, Professor," He overtly winked, and the older woman let out a sigh, before exiting the classroom.

You almost wished she would come back as the classroom dissolved into a silence. You pulled your quill and ink will from your bag, determined to work through this as quickly as possible so you could leave and return to your dormitory, and most importantly your warm and cozy bed, which you were quite sure would be warm with a hot water bottle supplied by the house elves.

Sirius' foot tapped none stop on the stone floor, as you pulled the large stack of parchment towards you, wrinkling your nose at the smell of it, and beginning to transcribe the first one, squinting at the faded handwriting. He had made no move to start his own work, unsurprisingly. Though you had no classes with the boy, you had the distinct feeling that he wasn't much of a hard worker, though you had no doubt he still got decent grades. He striked you as one of those people.

"You're friends with Regulus, yeah?" He said casually, breaking the silence.

You let out a small noise of recognition, eyes flickering to his for a small second, then back to your paper.

He didn't seem perturbed by your lack of talking, though you supposed Sirius was quite able to do enough talking of his own to fuel a whole conversation.

"Didn't put down a perfect Slytherin to get a detention." He remarked, a little venom in his words that he couldn't quite hide, though his tone was even.

"The more you know, huh." You replied sardonically, fixing him with a look of distaste. "Shame I can't say the same for you."

He let out a laugh at that, going to tuck his hair behind his ears before he seemed to remember it was slightly too short now, leaving his fingers dancing in mid-air for a moment, before moving them back to the desk and tapping at it absentmindedly.

"Don't suppose you fancy doing mine too?" He questioned with a grin, indicating towards the several cards you had already painstakingly transcribed.

There was something about his demeanour that made your lips curve up slightly, too.

"I'd rather go take a dip in the Great Lake, but nice try Black." You quipped, dipping your quill in your ink well again.

"Might be a nice sight," He joked, and you rolled your eyes.

"You know I don't think you've ever grown up at all. You are still just as annoying as I remember you used to be when we were little." You remarked offhandedly, that small smile still upturning your lips.

"And you are just as uptight." He grinned. "You're still the same little Y/L/N who used to turn up her nose at absolutely everyone."

You were slightly shocked he seemed to actually remember you - he always seemed rather dismissive of not only you, but everything and everyone from that part of his life.

"I'm surprised you actually took note of that. You were always so busy creating chaos I didn't think you noticed anything around you."

"You should be honoured then," He quipped.

You let out a small laugh at that.

"Get on with your work, Black. I'm not staying here all night because you don't get this finished." You told him, scribbling away at another detention card.

"The fact that you don't want to spend the night with me wounds me, Y/N." He clutched at his heart dramatically.

You pursed your lips at him, almost surprised at how much you wanted to laugh again. This was not how you expected your detention with him to go - you rather expected to be ripping out your hair in frustration by now. He was different to how he had been when you had interacted with him before. Nicer, almost, though still just as arrogant.

"Anyway," He said, pulling out his wand from his sleeve, of all places. "You don't have to sit here and write all of these. Simple spell, really."

He waved his wand over his quill, murmuring a few words you couldn't quite work out, before the quill jumped up quite by itself, dipped itself in the inkwell, and started scribbling down words so quick it was just a blur against the parchment.

He grinned as he saw your badly-concealed impressed look.

"Don't tell me you don't already know that spell," He said arrogantly.

You huffed at him, showing him your ink-stained fingers.

"Clearly not," You spoke tightly, irritated that he had bested you.

"I could show you," He mused. "Though it would be so much more fun to see you writing all of these out."

The magically moving quill had already worked through double the amount of parchment that you had.

You glowered at him.

"Black, I'm going to kill you." You threatened.

He pretended to think for a moment, and for those brief seconds you considered throttling him to wipe the smug look off his face.

"I'll help you. For a price." He finally said.

Your knuckles were slightly white as you gripped your quill a little bit tighter with annoyance.

"If you say anything suggestive right now, I'm going to stick this inkwell-"

He raised his hands in a mock surrender, laughing.

"Wasn't going to, though don't give me ideas," He winked. "I just need a very time-sensitive favour."

You sighed. "And what would that be?"

"I need to make a distraction," He paused to glance at his watch. "In about five minutes."

You glowered.

"If you think I'm going to help you with one of your stupid pranks, so help me-"

He shrugged, standing up, still grinning. You blinked up at him, not quite sure if it was just because you were sitting down, or if he really was a lot taller than you realised.

"I mean, if you want to stay here all night..."

You glanced back over to his quill, still scribbling away furiously. It had made it's way almost entirely through the pile of parchment, now. You looked back to your own ominously large pile, and let out a groan.

"Fine. I'll help. But if you get me another detention, I will personally hunt you down." You threatened.

He laughed again. That annoying damn laugh.

"Here," He said, pulling your quill from your hand, skin skimming your own. His skin was incredibly warm against your freezing hands, for a small second.

Again, he murmured those words, and immediately the quill jumped into action, scribbling away.

You gave him a look of thanks - though you refused to say it out loud, his ego simply didn't need any more of a boost, stretching your aching fingers.

"Come on," He said energetically, picking up your bag and swinging it over his shoulder, as if it was some insurance that you would come with him now.

You could simply go back to your common room, you supposed, now he had done what he had promised, but you didn't particularly fancy waking up to a very targeted revenge prank, and so, with a disgruntled sigh, you got up and followed him towards the door.

You didn't want to hang out with Sirius Black voluntarily, of course. At least, that was what you told yourself.

He glanced both ways down the corridor as you exited the classroom, probably looking for a sign that Professor McGonnagal was coming back, but the castle was quiet and empty, most students in their common rooms or dorms by now.

The wind whistled through the corridor, and you wrapped your robes tighter around yourself as you followed his rather quick pace through the school halls.

"This is probably the most rebellious thing you've done all year, huh, Y/L/N?" He whispered to you, eyes glinting with humour.

You shoved him slightly with your hip, only then realising how close the two of you were walking together.

"Until I know exactly what we are doing, I can't comment," You whispered back. "Though I doubt it. I'm not some prude, you know."

"I didn't know Slytherin's were allowed to have fun," He murmured back, smiling.

You flipped him off with a mock scowl.

He walked a very specifically pureblood way, even now, you realised - straight backed - in a way that you could balance books upon his head and they wouldn't tip or fall.

He threw out an arm, suddenly, stopping you in your tracks, looking surreptitiously around a corner. You paused behind him for a moment, so close you could smell the cologne he was wearing. Sandalwood, and maybe lemon, you thought for a moment, before shaking your head and realising how insane you were being for even contemplating such a thing.

He gave a thumbs up to whoever he could see around the corner - who you assumed were the other members of his little group, pulling a small parcel out of his bag.

"I'd cover your nose," He remarked to you, before, with remarkably good aim, launching said parcel half-way down the corridor.

With a loud bang, a cloud of smoke appeared, and you immediately regretted not taking his advice as the smell hit you.

Stink-bombs.

Your eyes watered as the putrid smell that could only be compared to sewerage hit you, as the smoke filled the corridor and made it almost impossible to see anything.

"What the-" You heard the piercing shriek of the caretaker, Argus Filch, as well as the sound of a slamming door.

A warm hand grabbed yours, fingers interlinking, pulling you into a run, and you had no choice to follow, to attempt to get away from the horrific cloud of stench that had invaded the entire corridor.

Your eyes were streaming as your free hand covered your nose.

"I can see you, you little toerags!" You head the caretakers croaking shout, and you couldn't help but let out a small laugh at that, adrenaline pumping through you as Sirius dragged you down another corridor.

"Down here," He panted, pushing aside a tapestry you walked past nearly every day towards the Great Hall.

To your greatest surprise, there wasn't simply a wall, but a small narrow entryway, though you had no time to marvel at it before you were tugged behind it, the tapestry falling back into place again, plunging you into darkness.

"Where are you, you little blighters!" Filch screeched, and his voice was so loud he must have only been footsteps from your hiding place.

A palm covered your mouth, and you were suddenly all too aware of how close you were to Sirius Black. He was stood directly behind you - you were so tightly pressed against him that you could feel the thumping of his heartbeat through his chest, and the realisation of this made a blush come to your cheeks, though you were completely unsure of why.

Filch's footsteps faded away, and Sirius let go of you slightly, allowing you to turn around and face him, though you could barely see him in the dim light, only enough to be aware that your faces were oddly close.

He let out a guffaw, as you poked him in the chest, and this set you off into your own peal of laughter.

"You... idiot!" You exclaimed. "You could have given me a bit of warning on what you were going to do!"

Though you couldn't see it, you could sense the grin on his face.

"Ah, but then I wouldn't have seen that beautiful look of horror on your face, Y/N."

Your laughs quietened down a little, though your heart was still racing - from the running, you told yourself.

"You know, for you, stink-bombs is a very basic prank." You poked fun at him.

"You think I would just settle for stink bombs?" He scoffed as if you had insulted his intelligence deeply. "They were just a distraction, love."

You pretended not to hear the nickname that slipped so easily off his tongue.

"I apologise, Black. Didn't mean to underestimate you," You quipped, tilting your face up to grin at him, before realising how close that put the two of your faces.

Your face flushed even more.

"I forgive you" He breathed, and you felt it on your face, goosebumps erupting on your skin.

Your heart began to thrum in your ears, and you were suddenly aware he had never let go of your hand. His fingers were squeezing yours. He moved closer, just slightly, and it was the first time all evening he had been silent for longer than a few seconds.

And that was the moment when the tapestry was suddenly ripped back theatrically, and the two of you jumped apart like deer caught in headlights - to look around and see the positively volcanic expression upon Argus Filch's face.

Getting detention every night for the next several weeks would have usually been enough for you to want to take a trip to see the Giant Squid, but somehow, with Sirius Black by your side, you doubted they would be anything less than ... interesting.

Authors Note: I hope you guys enjoyed this! As ever, my requests are open, and feel free to use my prompt list for some ideas on what to request!

[yunwangja]

the prophecy | verse 11: it was sinking in

masterlist | next verse

a/n: mostly written content, coming after the content preview

the bar buzzes with the vibrant energy of the night. neon lights cast a colorful glow on the bustling crowd, and the air is filled with laughter and the clinking of glasses.

as you and tobio step inside, the warm, welcoming atmosphere envelops you. the scent of various drinks mingles with the faint aroma of bar food. your friends, who are already gathered around a large table near the back, spot the two of you immediately.

ryu stands up with a broad grin, raising his drink high. “here they are!” he announces, his voice carrying over the lively chatter. shoyo follows suit, cheering, “finally!”

their enthusiastic greeting sets the tone for the night, making you feel right at home amidst the lively setting.

you immediately set your eyes on yachi and ran to hug her tightly, her warm smile mirroring your own. “i’m so glad you're here now!” you exclaim.

“me too! it feels like forever since i’ve been on a night out too,” yachi responds, her eyes shining with excitement.

as you chat, the group's energy begins to flow in different directions, each person settling into their usual roles and conversations. the table becomes a lively hub of activity, with pockets of laughter and animated discussions breaking out.

shoyo and ryu, decide to be competitors for the night, quickly locking eyes and falling into banter. “i bet i can drink more than you, shoyo!” ryu challenges, slamming his empty glass on the table.

“you’re on!” shoyo replies, matching his enthusiasm.

meanwhile, kou, already a bit tipsy, starts venting to tsukki about his busy life. “i just miss them so much, tsukki,” kou slurs, his head resting on the table. “we barely get any time together anymore. it’s all just volleyball and studies. i feel like i’m drowning.”

tsukki listens with a mix of patience and boredom, glancing at his phone now and then. “why don't you just call them now instead of talking to me,” he suggests, his tone indicating his mind is elsewhere.

kenma, avoiding the chaos, sticks close to tooru, who’s trying to convince him to socialize. “kenma, you really should talk to more people,” tooru says, nudging him playfully.

“i’m fine right here,” kenma replies, his eyes darting around the crowded bar. “besides, you’re entertaining enough for the both of us.”

tooru laughs and then turns his attention to tobio. “come on tobio, have another drink. i’ll make sure everyone gets home safe,” he insists, trying to hand him another glass. "i'm the bigger man tonight!"

tobio shakes his head, his eyes never leaving you. “thanks, but i’m good. just keeping an eye on y/n,” he replies, voice firm.

tooru raises an eyebrow, a smirk playing on his lips. “ah, i see. well, you’re doing a great job,” he teases before turning back to kenma.

tobio’s gaze remains fixed on you. he finds you adorable as you smile, laugh, and rant. there’s something captivating about the way your eyes light up when you’re animated, and he can’t help but be drawn to it. his concern for you isn’t just because you’re part of the group—it’s something deeper. he watches for any signs that you might need help, ready to take you home in case you get too drunk.

you and yachi find a quiet corner to sit and continue your conversation. “so, have you finished your campaign for copywriting?” yachi asks, her tone a mix of curiosity and exhaustion.

“barely,” you groan. “my brief summary was approved, although my storyboard had a lot of revisions, plus my software crashed while re-doing it and didn't autosave. i thought i was going to lose my mind.”

yachi laughs, “oh no! that sounds like a nightmare. i had to pull an all-nighter for my graphic design class. i swear, my eyes were burning by the end of it.”

“we were really deceived by our major, weren't we?” you joke, and yachi nods in agreement, both of you laughing at your shared struggle.

as the night progresses, the group somehow gathers as conversations naturally flow. ryu moves to sit beside you, but tobio quickly takes the seat first. ryu shakes his head, amused by tobio’s eagerness. “you’re quick, tobio,” he whispers to him and chuckles.

tobio pretends nothing happened and puts down his drink on the table, making a sound that gets your attention. you make eye contact with him and smile. “having a good time?” you ask.

he nods, a faint smile on his lips. “yeah, you?”

“of course,” you reply, feeling a warm flutter in your chest.

kou, in his drunken state, starts a new topic. “you know, you two make a cute couple,” he slurs, pointing at you and tobio. “i’ve seen the way you look at each other.”

ryu jumps in, grinning mischievously. “hey, y/n, let me know if tobio does anything stupid. i’ll kick his ass for you.”

the teasing intensifies, with comments flying from everyone else in the group, their inhibitions lowered by their half-drunken state. you now feel awkward and unsure how to react.

in the past, you disliked situations like this because the teasing usually involved people you weren't interested in. but when it came to people you actually liked, you felt even more unsure, not wanting to give in or show your feelings too easily.

you blush, covering your cheeks and looking away, only to see tobio bright red and shouting at them to stop, clearly embarrassed.

“shut up! you guys are annoying,” tobio snaps, his face flushed.

his reaction was unlike anything you’d experienced before in these types of situations. it was refreshing and, for some reason, calming.

your embarrassed expression slowly turns into a small smile, then into a laugh. tobio looks at you, initially confused but somehow relieved, realizing you’re not that upset by the teasing.

as the hours pass and the night deepens, the bar's lively atmosphere begins to mellow. shoyo and ryu are now slumped over, completely knocked out thanks to their competition, with tooru dutifully keeping an eye on them.

kou, having reached his limit, is passed out over kenma, who sits with a long-suffering expression, looking thoroughly annoyed but resigned to his fate. tsukki, meanwhile, remains engrossed in his phone, scrolling through messages and updates, his tipsy state making him quieter and more introspective than usual.

yachi is asleep on your lap, and you gently play with her hair. thankfully, you're not as drunk as your friends, thinking that you'll probably be helping tooru out later. meanwhile, tobio is still beside you and takes the opportunity to talk.

“hey, i hope you weren’t that bothered with all the teasing earlier,” he begins, his voice concerned. “just tell me if you are, and i’ll make them stop.”

you shake your head, smiling reassuringly. “no, it’s fine. i might be annoyed in other cases, but this time, i didn’t mind. i just don’t know how to handle it well, so i kind of malfunctioned at first.”

tobio nods, his expression serious. “i see. i was worried at first that you’d be uncomfortable being teased with me,” he admits, looking down for a moment.

you tilt your head, curiosity and a bit of amusement in your eyes. “of course not! didn't you see me laugh? why would you think that? ” you ask, your tone light but genuine.

he shrugs slightly, “i don’t know. just didn't want you to feel awkward or upset.”

you reach out and gently touch his arm, your smile warm and sincere. “there you go again. you don’t need to worry so much, tobio. really.”

tobio’s eyes soften, and he smiles back at you, a genuine, heartfelt smile that makes your heart skip a beat. “i’m glad,” he says quietly.

his smile of relief warms your heart. his concern for your feelings made you think how much he cares. you’ve always been the one to overthink, but with tobio, you’ve found someone who overthinks about you too. of course, despite that, you still want to assure him.

“i appreciate that you care, though.” you tell him, your voice soft. “it means a lot.”

there’s a brief, tender silence between you as you both look at each other, the connection between you deepening with every passing moment. just as you feel the urge to say something more, tooru’s voice cuts through the air.

“hey, lovebirds! it’s getting late. we need to get these drunks home,” tooru calls out, his tone light but insistent. secretly, he feels bad that he had to ruin your moment.

you and tobio exchange a look, a mixture of amusement and reluctance. “guess we should help out,” you say with a small laugh.

“yeah,” tobio agrees and starts helping you move yachi safely from your lap. “let’s get everyone home safely.”

notes

i changed the verse title for this one lol

tooru told tobio what it was while they were both eating ryu's leftover lunch later that night

he said, "it was because i tweeted about your sexual tension with y/n" and tobio choked on his (stolen) burger

tooru feigned ignorance toward yn and she never knew why

he might say it in the future though...

and ryu woke up to a crumpled paperbag on their counter the next morning, shrugged, and ate a melonpan (he's tired of getting mad over it)

if it seems like kou and tooru's role during the night out was reversed i just wanted to try a little twist

i feel like kou has a real tendency to be really stressed out being the best person ever so i thought he could let it all out here and tooru would act like a "cool older brother" to everyone

next verse

taglist: @fiannee @debussy42 @samvagejkflxhrt @diorzs @kagtobis @lovingvi @tea-drinking-nerd @iamfontenlos @jaynawayna @divinityghoul

[thevexinator]

Since Asagiri won't give you Guild content, I will. Headcanons, but they're based on irl facts I found within 5 minutes of googling. [These are just my hcs you can add your own if you wanna]

Louisa May Alcott 💌

- Louisa and Nathaniel are family friends. Irl, Louisa's father was one of Hawthorne's pallbearers [pallbearer - someone helping to escort of carry a coffin]. In the setting of BSD, their families were in close relations due to operating at the same church. Even though Louisa doesn't remember, Nathaniel often looked after her since the older girls [Louisa's older sister Anna and Nathaniel's older sister Elizabeth] were often helping around with the adults.

- She really likes pulp fiction.

- She's knowledgeable about the medical field. The real Louisa was a nurse during World War 1.

- Speaking of war, Louisa is a major history nerd.

Margaret Mitchell ☂️

- While BSD Margaret dresses like what if Mary Poppins was a British aristocrat, the real Margaret Mitchell actually preferred dressing in men's clothes. Thus, whenever she's not on duty in the Guild, she's chilling in something she stole from Nathaniel.

- She's afraid of fire. Why? When Margaret was a child, her clothing ended up catching fire on accident. She's never been the same since.

- She also has driving anxiety. When she was 12, her dad hit a deer on the road. She's never been the same since.

Nathaniel Hawthorne ⚔️

- Generally avoids discourse about the Salem Witch Trials. An ancestor of his played a big part during it, two others were married to women who were accused of being witches. Thus, he added the 'w' to his last name.

- He's surprisingly good with glasswork. When the real Nathaniel and his wife moved into their home, the etched poems into the glass of the windows.

- For a large part of his life, he lived in a commune.

- Occasionally, he sees ghosts. The real Nathaniel once said he saw the ghost of his friend reading his own obituary.

Edgar Allan Poe 🦝

- He's an orphan. He doesn't tell people that.

- He likes being alone. Until he gets the feeling that someone is somewhere in the room with him.

- Insanely intelligent. He knows exactly what he's doing.

- Very weak constitution. One time, when the Guild were all drinking and whatever else they were doing, Poe blacked out after one drink of wine. Everyone genuinely thought someone tried to kill him until they found out he couldn't handle alcohol.

- Unphased. He's seen it all. Death? Child's play. Heartbeat under the floorboards? Normal Tuesday. Corpse falling off the roof? Crazy. Someone walking into the party dressed in red? Standard party etiquette.

Lucy Maud Montgomery 🪆

- Also an orphan. Doesn't tell people about it.

- Very charming. She can flirt. She just chooses not to. She knows she's too powerful.

- Cripplingly depressed. Self-explanatory.

- Has girl nights with Louisa and Margaret, basically a few hours of them doing girl activities. They tried to summon Bloody Mary at least seven times to no returns.

H. P. Lovecraft 🦑

- Lovecraft has monochromacy, a condition where someone can only see in grayscale. This is derived from irl Lovecraft's "The Color Out of Space," essentially Lovecraft's low education being the reason why he didn't know about the electromagnetic color spectrum.

- He's afraid of crowds. He hates it here so much.

- Has epilepsy. The only thing that can stop this eldrich monstrosity in a human trench coat is the average disco party.

- Loves cats. He is so normal about them. Cats run to him like crazy.

- He glows in the dark. Why shouldn't he? He's earned it. He's also deficient in vitamins science hasn't discovered yet. His ankles popping sound like rogue gunshots.

- AroAce. Intimacy is a concept he doesn't understand and doesn't want to.

John Steinbeck 🌳

- He's very much a dog person. His family keeps dogs. His favorite breed is the Australian Sheep dog.

- He was very sick as a child.

- Really into marine biology. [Steincraft fans stay winning.]

- Before the Guild, he worked as a construction worker, newspaper reporter,and caretaker.

- Ironically enough, he has a pollen allergy. It's not severe, just watering eyes and sniffles. He hates it.

Mark Twain 🔫

- So normal about the ocean. He takes Lovecraft and John with him when he goes boating.

- Into geology. He's the guy who collects rocks whenever he's outside.

- Guild game night isn't game night is Mark isn't beating everyone in every board game to ever exist.

- So normal about cats. The real Mark Twain has 19 cats, all with titles like Apollinaris, Beelzebub, Blatherskite, Buffalo Bill, Satan, Sin, Sour Mash, Tammany, Zoroaster, Soapy Sal and Pestilence to name a few. BSD Mark has one ginger cat he adopted off the streets of Yokohama he names Sal, occasionally calling her Sin whenever she's around Nathaniel.

- He almost drowned twice. One would think that would kill his passion for boating, but he baller'd his way out of it.

Francis S. K. Fitzgerald 🪙

- Dyslexic and in denial. Louisa tried to gently bring it up to him that half of his work email was spelled incorrectly, but he was in denial and chalked it up to it being 3 in the morning when he wrote that work email.

- He worked as a screenwriter before the Guild. Coincidentally, he met his wife there!

- He strikes me as a guy who owns a copy of "A Pickle For the Knowing Ones". If you don't know what that is, please look it up. I promise it's worth it.

- Makes too many dad jokes. John and Nathaniel officially want him dead.

- He forgets to sleep. He just forgets. Even though he looks like he died and got resurrected without prior notice and everyone in the Guild is asking him if he had a breakdown, he forgets to sleep.

Hermine Melville 🐋

- At some point in his life, he lived in the Pacific Islands.

- Hiking enthusiast. He likes the mountain terrain a lot.

- His office smells like smoke. No one knows why. It just does.

- Not much about him to be honest. I wish there was more screentime for him. <//3

[disease]

HUMAN // THEORIES

Humans, or modern humans (Homo sapiens or H. sapiens), are the most common and widespread species of primate, and the only surviving species of the genus Homo. A great ape characterized by their hairlessness, bipedalism, and high intelligence, humans have large brains, enabling more advanced cognitive skills that enable them to thrive and adapt in varied environments, develop highly complex tools, and form complex social structures and civilizations.

I. SPECIES OF PRIMATE – in terms of biology, we fall under the classification of animals. we share more similarities with fellow species under this classification opposed to less similarities. study the behavior of fellow animals, limitlessly, and focus your attention on that of their primitive states-of-being. apply these tactics to our advanced state of multi-faceted intellect, and learn from them.

II. HIGH INTELLIGENCE – a privilege amongst humankind that, to an exponential degree, fails to be utilized by the masses. success in relation to survival is largely attributed to this level of intelligence on a day-to-day basis. with the exception of cases linear with cognitive neurodiversity—excuses against the enrichment and manifestation of this attribute remain impotent. failure to both utilize and acknowledge this predisposition will only lead to mortal sterility.

Humans are highly social, with individual humans tending to belong to a multi-layered network of cooperating, distinct, or even competing social groups—from families and peer groups to corporations and political states. As such, social interactions between humans have established a wide variety of values, social norms, languages, and traditions (collectively termed institutions), each of which bolsters human society.

III. HIGHLY SOCIAL – as if an art form opposed to a science, one must not only enforce to find a comfortable balance regarding this subject, but also attune themselves into the identification of natural compatibility, emotional maturity, and self-interest of individuals they encounter. if one chooses to form a social attachment with a subject who’s imbalanced in any aforementioned concepts, a state of emotional/energetic hemorrhage may occur. ideally, one must invest the majority of their energy into those in which form a unified duality of mutual restoration with oneself; opposed to the inclination of self-sacrifice, fueled by a multitude of various factors. one must vigilantly prioritize themselves as to not grow tarnished in an act of preservation for not only themselves—but for the consistent nourishment of their otherwise deep-rooted connections in which an active catalyst has been established. avoid social martyrdom.

Humans are also highly curious: the desire to understand and influence phenomena has motivated humanity's development of science, technology, philosophy, mythology, religion, and other frameworks of knowledge; humans also study themselves through such domains as anthropology, social science, history, psychology, and medicine.

IV. HIGHLY CURIOUS – passions, as sacred as they can be bewildering, [sub]consciously occupy the largest percentage of our time. to be mystified by that of which is misunderstood may be one of life’s most-precious offerings. our pursuits in creativity reward us with a key which unlocks subliminal facets within our psyche, only to be comprehended at a later point in time. these lay the foundations at our primal core, and, as a divine mission which one chooses to either ignore or commence upon, choosing the latter inevitably trails the path toward self-actualization. a probable reason why we exist—without the ability to reference some comprehensive manual—is to polarize us toward what we will produce as an earth-bound monolith to perpetually inspire future generations of those impassioned by the very same mystical essence that once lay dormant within ourselves.

As of January 2024, there are more than 8 billion humans alive.

you uniquely represent 1 amongst eight billion.

radiate your inner light for those blind to the dark.

[oinonsana]

ruminating on the leftism that guides much of my thinking. i'm avoiding the very common pitfall of simply applying theory (written by people benefiting from colonialism a few hundred years ago) to living conditions here in the neocolony of america and looking for ways to actually apply historical dialectic into here--it takes a lot of self awareness because as with all things the majority left position in the philippines is based off of joma sison's MLM-ness and the struggle for a national democracy, which has now kind of devolved into a ultranationalist jerk off between colonial intelligentsia and constant protesting and rallying. whenever they are challenged by the state, the main response is that "everything they've been doing is completely legal" and that nothing they've done is wrong. of course, paradoxically, as Mark Fisher writes in capitalist realism, much of this ends up just reifying capitalist reals and borders, and neatly squares away activism into yet another portion of capitalist life. activism (now also commonly romanticized by so many of those in the middle class to the petty bourgeois) is now subsumed into capitalism.

of course, from my point of view, doing something is better than doing nothing. i've participated in the movements of the national democratic mass organizations of the PH (anakbayan, etc.) (and still do, though my capacity has become limited and i'm focusing on supporting the communities closest to me for the time being) but they're increasingly becoming a sort of ideological stepping stone and for the most part i believe they have been completely subsumed into capitalist ideology.

i think the philippines is largely mostly just capitalist now, even with some modes of tenancy in the countryside seeming feudal, it operates entirely within a capitalist mode of view and application.

i don't subscribe to the sort of unilinear evolution of societies espoused by some soviet theorists (the classless -> slave -> feudal -> capitalist -> communist thing)--a lot of classical leftist and marxist theories can be pretty easily seen as sort of eurocentric. that's no bash, that's just the work of limited perspective. future marxists like fanon expand the marxist perspective greatly, though they seem to be largely ignored by the white bourgeois in my experience

i think ph leftism should be a lot more aware of local ideas on society, and use that to sort of influence and shape their leftism. a lot of leftists sort of scoff at "precolonial studies" as sort of cute at best and absolutely ethnocentric backwardism at worst (many ph leftists know jack shit about precolonial ph and/or seasia in general due to the education system of the philippines and the america-centric culture of the metropoles)

if we apply historical materialist dialectic all the way back to pre-hispanic times we get a treasure trove of societies to contrast and synthesize upon. a shared culture and binding connections with the rest of asia. the ideal state is of course international consciousnesses and solidarity--one that doesn't fall into the trap of capitalist reification through nationalism and the enforcement of the cacophony of signifiers that only serves to reinforce capitalist structures (jingles, voting, art that just regurgitates old socialist aesthetic, revolutionary art that doesn't really say anything because these artists lack proper class consciousness and/or perspective [many ph left artists come from the metropoles after all and/or have been subsumed into nationalist agenda through education systems and the need to belong in communities, art ph being one particularly egregious example that reinforces nationalist signifiers while becoming ignorant of the signified).

all in all the philippine left is completely defeated, as a movement. many leftists adopt anarchist tendencies, joyful militancies, try to live outside of the confines of communism through communes or living in the mountains. if we are to have any chance of challenging capitalism the ph left must interrogate its own biases, interrogate nationalism, review its literature, and then look inward, look to fellow tribes and societies, avoid the interventionist failures of soviet societies, and actually fight for a world that won't just degrade into more wage-labor slavery

"that's idealistic!" if you're shooting for the moon you land on the stars. the direction of the movement is more important than the speed. i fully believe ideological recourse is needed in the ph left--some might even say if there is a ph left still. i wouldn't mind abolishing the idea altogether--the left is still a eurocentric categorization after all. perhaps its time for a new revolution that interrogates current structures, even within so-called progressive organizations, with violent indignation, and finds a way to upend capitalism through a firm grasp in pre-capitalist structures and international ties