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clarissaexplainingitall · 3 years ago

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elden ring bosses ranked entirely based on how fun they were for me to fight

a completely subjective take, but my take nonetheless. from least fun to most, featuring my rationale and also a whole lot of spoilers so be warned

disclaimer that this is absolutely influenced by me being gay and i am extremely biased, and will probably skip a lot of the less lore relevant minibosses (i.e. tree sentinel, night’s cavalry, grafted scion, tibia mariner etc. May come back to those in a separate post) or just straight up forget shit, but here we go

25) Valiant Gargoyle

Okay this is clearly (according to my friend group) a controversial take, but my main qualm with this fight boils down to some of the key elements of gank fights that work in Fromsoft games, and how this fight throws most of them out the window:

1) Appropriate spacing and cover. O&S had pillars, Prowling Magus had the pews, these guys have.... nothing. There’s no way to use the terrain here, which is less of a problem when they don’t have ranged attacks, but is a problem when you consider the next point:

2) There’s no varied speed. You generally need to be able to have some strategy to manage aggro well for a gank to not feel like a chore, and this fight doesn’t have that. Gargoyles are both fast, can hit you with extremely long weapons, and can also swan dive at you from the other side of the map.

3) Relative aggression. Demon Prince did this very well - generally ganks are more enjoyable when you can be focusing on one and keep tabs on the other(s), but that doesn’t really work super great in this fight. Still, the gargoyles are better than the following one on this single factor.

4) We’ve done this fight one billion times already, and my biggest qualm is that I don’t know who thought making the camera also a boss was the Single Thing that gargoyles TM the fromsoftware fight was missing.

24) Godskin Duo

Frankly the only advantage they have over valiant gargoyle fight is that this isn’t a camera boss. Otherwise, everything still applies. The music slaps though, and at least the designs are creative. Would hit harder if I hadn’t had to fight them three times before this point though.

23) Commander Niall

God, the competition for the bottom is really strong. Classic gank fight issues. I really don’t like his adds. Wins bonus points for not being mandatory ever and his first form being highly cheesable. He also gets bonus points and a third lowest place in part because his prosthetic absolutely SLAPS. That attack is extremely cool.

22) Rykard, Lord of Blasphemy

I hate him. I’m sorry. I love his design, I love the concept of his apocalypse death attack, and I love the edgy little skulls and the fucked up arm sword and the creepy snake face but this guy just straight up kind of sucks to fight. The biggest issue for me is the speed combined with the lava shitting - one would feel fine, but combined in a surprisingly small arena for the dude makes it feel like I need a meat shield to avoid becoming lava paste if I charge an attack for 0.5 seconds. Also his music hurts my ears (affectionate, but pained nonetheless).

21) Godfrey, First Elden Lord / Hoarah Loux

God. This man is just like. He’s not my jam, it’s very funny but also I found myself going what the fuck the whole time, his voice actor really was not the pick, and while the WWE smackdown was... entertaining? I didn’t enjoy the fight. I just did not find it fun, and the rationale felt very like... shoehorned in there. Frankly, I’d rather have fought another Morgott reskin.

20) Red Wolf of Radagon

Sif reskins. Except this one is super DUPER fast and has magic. No thank you. Please stop hitting me sir.

19) Astel, Naturalborn of the Void

Okay, listen. There’s a size-speed balance component to bosses, and there is a range of sweet spots in the middle. The teleport attacks would be good if either 1) they did not INSTANTLY go into his near-one-shot grapple-bite, or 2) they did that, but from the front. He’s really fond of the laser, but not pushing unfair, I guess? Idk his design is cool and the arena fucks but I wouldn’t say this was a fight I particularly enjoyed actually playing more than I do watching it now.

18) Elemer of the Briar

More interesting than the next couple but frankly the annoyance factor of his telekinesis in the room full of shit I have to break before i can strafe past won out over the fun here. That said, he kind of fucks and I love him conceptually.

17) Gideon Ofnir, The All-Knowing

There wasn’t too much going on here. His spells are cool. I kind of pasted him too quickly to give it much thought, but I think if his HP was scaled up a bit it could be a really fun fight. Maybe in NG+...

16) Regal Ancestor Spirit

I actually enjoy 90% of this fight so much, but the 5+ heals really just baffled me. I think it may have been a buggy run bc the wiki says he caps on 3, but who even knows. Can’t really place this one yet til that gets sorted, but that aside, the aesthetics absolutely carry what is mechanically, a fight that is not all that exciting by itself - but wow do they elevate it.

15) Rennala, Queen of the Full Moon

Yeah, she’s more fun than Elana Squalid Queen, but the bloodhound really threw a wrench in what was other a relatively enjoyable fight. Also the ankle-biting actually managed to unnerve me enough that it impacted my experience somewhat. Still, kind of fun mechanics to figure out, and I absolutely love how they used audio cues and the soundtrack here.

14) Fire Giant

Simple, funky, and surprisingly fast. Cool to look at in a way that a lot of the giant bosses generally aren’t, for Fromsoft. His attacks being well telegraphed and slow helps offset his massive damage output, as does some good places to use Latenna’s ashes and the fact that you can do this on horse. Overall solid fight.

13) Godrick the Grafted

He wins over Rennala and Giant for three reasons: 1) his soundtrack also fucks immensely, 2) he’s surprisingly nimble and fun to fight for a guy we’ve seen in almost every trailer for this game in spite of us guessing dragon-arm phase two, and 3) he doesn’t summon a bloodhound knight.

12) Loretta, Knight of the Haligtree

Her aesthetic bangs, but more importantly, she was a really fun challenge when it came to weighing my options of melee vs ranged, I like that her damaged is balanced nicely with hefty magic resistance, and her patterns are extremely consistent but she can alter mid-combo. She’s a good challenge that doesn’t feel too busted about it for a boss that is consistently a stepping stone on the way to Cool Lady.

11) Mimic Tear

Pog. Listen. Listen it’s a great time I know it’s cheesable but it’s so FLEXIBLE and I was so delighted to find the little bastard and that was before I knew it became a summons.

10) Starscourge Radahn (Ranged Build)

Listen. Listen I know this is going to be controversial but hear me out. Yes, the beginning of the fight sucks ass when he snipes you with a rail gun from 25,000 light years away up in those stars he’s busy holding back so he can kill you with his own damn bow. But. I got him the first time I survived the initial arrowspam, and it was a delight to run around on my little horse firing off my own spell shots and summon my MVPs alex and gutsberserk to tank him for me, so I really enjoyed it in spite of the rough start. If I only used a sword this would absolutely suck ass though so YMMV big on this one.

9) Mohg, Lord of Blood

Okay, while this one is fun, he’s got a couple huge drawbacks keeping him from reaching his True Funness Potential for me. The first is the triple bleed being only avoidable if you get the very specific crystal tear from a seemingly unrelated questline in an area far far away. The second is also related, in that I think with healing bosses (yes this will come up later, yes this may seem contradictory at first), there needs to be some kind of “check” - Mohg’s healing could be considered checked by being able to damage him during that window, but the player may be taking triple bleed. I think this fight would’ve been so much closer to perfect if using the item reduced the amount of HP healed. Because in theory, he succs that life force out of the player. The existence of a comparative shackle is also very cool, so he does rank fairly highly. But Morgott is also higher because his dialogue is cooler than Mohg, who is just interested in being a creepy motherfucker.

8) Lichdragon Fortissax

I’m not entirely sure what happened here, considering it seems that generally, he poses a lot of trouble to people, but I frankly had more issues with Fia’s gank trio than him - it might be because I’ve got a pretty solid strat for From’s dragons considering how long it took me to kill Midir that first time with my fucked up arm. But I really do enjoy the spin Fortissax puts on the classic formula - his cool twinspears are neat, the telegraphed death clouds limit movement in a way that adds to the challenge but also are not entirely horseshit, and he’s a very cool design in a game that has so many dragons certainly some would be boring. Also the music and arena fuck hard.

7) Elden Beast

Extremely shaped. Very fun to look at, some cool attacks (especially the elden ring rune blast), nice music, but his arena is simply too big for him? A friend mentioned it didn’t feel exactly earned and I kind of agree - it feels like something stuck halfway between a setpiece and a mechanic-focused fight, but it is still very fun to do.

6) Dragonlord Placidusax

Fromsoft finally made a dragon I actually enjoyed fighting? The two heads was SUCH a fun way to mix up the usual recipe for how to fight these guys (see the lichdragon) in a game with a lot of dragons, and the becoming the storm segments are both punishing but really cool because you can tag the guy with frost to try and parse him out amidst the clouds before he pastes you. This is where we’re getting into some of my absolute faves in this game.

5) Margit, Fell Omen

Listen. We knew he was gonna be up high on this list. But he’s such a good first major boss for this game in part because he’s a great teaching tool for the New Hot Theme of Elden Ring, which is roll-catches and delayed hits in combos. His attacks are all extremely well telegraphed, and his level of aggression is very high to match. Great skill-check, has a nice balance in that you can go get his item to buy yourself emergency time to heal or punish, and he has by far the best OST in the game.

4) Morgott, Omen King

OH MAN this guy fucks. God. He’s such a wonderful revamp of Margit’s fight, he hits like a truck and he just doesn’t stop, and his OST is very good too. Love the NPC summon for this one as well, Melina can hold her own and makes the fight feel more viably like a two-on-one duel. I love the fucked up little texture of his sword. Only reason he’s not higher is that I feel like homie gives us no room ever to breathe, but that feels like a fun vibe. Sometimes.

3) Radagon of the Golden Order

Okay this was a close one actually, because I actually do like the physical mechanics of both this fight and Morgott’s, but the immense creativity of how this fight was designed was amazing and ekes it out over the top. Music, ambiance, design factors.... very good. It was only missing a second phase of trans your gender in my mind.

2) Beast Clergyman / Maliketh

Goddamn. Once again, a guts berserk fight I can’t even bring myself to hate. He’s so cool, he hits hard, but nothing in the game moves quite like him. I completely missed how the fire in phase 2 limits max HP but that is really thematic and clearly didn’t annihilate me hard enough to warrant this something that detracts from the fight, at least for me. He’s so fucking aggressive, but ash balances this out to make it feel feasible, and I really appreciated seeing something so creative fresh out of the one billionth godskin redux.

1) Malenia, Blade of Miquella

I’m a lesbian.

No, in all seriousness, Malenia must have killed me upwards of 200 times. I was stuck on her for what may have been almost two weeks straight. She killed me in so many completely bullshit ways and some extremely valid ones as well, but I... really enjoyed the fight, and I can’t really say that for a lot of the bosses that pasted me into the ground on so many combos, and I swear this is not just because I absolutely love how they did her design, so let me try to explain what I love about this fight:

1) Her aggression is beautifully balanced, which Fromsoft often has trouble pulling off. She gives adequate space, every single time, at the start of the fight for the player to call ashes, and then even to heal if you use mimic. She moves towards you, but slowly. The fight almost always starts on the player’s terms. Moreover, she’s extremely fast with some of her combo hits, but they’re generally (except phase 2) well-spaced. She also swaps aggro extremely reliably which is critical here - I could time hits so that when she was gearing up for her next smackdown, I could redirect those towards the mimic in case it was Ball Of Make You Swiss Cheese.

2) The aesthetics of phase two went hard enough to make me actually forgive some of the most horseshit attacks. In over 200 attempts, I think I “dodged” the seven hit clone attack combo ONCE and only because the first two and a half hits went towards my ashes, and that was the attempt I got her, but goddamn the oily butterflies? The residual flower petals as her AOE rot instead of some cloudy aura???? The explosion being a combination of the above? They made some of her meanest shit extremely gorgeous so I have no choice but to enjoy looking as my character falls to the screen and accumulates rot even after they have bled out.

3) Fromsoft has also really beautifully distilled the essence of what I like to call “highly aggressive greed-punishers,” which is a type of boss that I include maria, orphan, friede, and isshin on. They’re all fights where the player has to carefully manage their own aggression with being able to provide a high enough damage output that they minimize the risk of making the mistake that fucks them in the end. And has taken some of the best elements of each one - like Maria, her aggression can be countered by staggering her or breaking poise for a visceral. But the healing adds a really interesting element to this for me - a picture perfect defensive fight (fucking impossible, but hear me out here in this hypothetical) could actually take malenia down significantly faster than a balls to the wall, outdamage the hits taken approach, because the healing punishes greed in a secondary way that won’t just let the player vigor-tank through it. It makes the fight so much harder but is a really interesting new element to thinking through windows of attack, and openings. It makes trading hits no longer a viable strategy, the way it is sometimes with friede, and can be for some of orphan’s less-instakill combos (due to bloodborne’s rally mechanic).

4) Fromsoft has also finally made a naked boss that doesn’t make me want to [parody redact] someone. Like, straight up, everything is Out There, but it doesn’t have the leering camera angles of Quelaag’s gentle titty caress, and it’s certainly not about titillating the heterosexual male audience.

5) God, what a great continuation of the sad music in a white flower field fight. I think this might be the first one where the person you fight is so completely in the dark - usually the tragedy stems from you both wanting the same things but the perspectives being irreconcilable or someone being bound to something. Here, Malenia has no idea what the fuck is going on or who you stand for or even what is left that she does. It’s nice. Love that sicko mode is not within her control, either - it just seems to happen when her body is near what would be death for a mortal.

#elden ring #elden ring spoilers

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funkymbtifiction · 3 years ago

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6 vs 9

Thank you for answering my question on Ni and worrying!

I have debated on 6 vs. 9 before, but I’m pretty sure I’m a 9.

Not sure if you want an answer or not, but why not? I’ve got time. ;)

I do see 6 aspects in myself:

Lots of self-doubt and over-thinking. I take commissions as an artist and usually I’m excited to hear about a new commission but then get worried and think I won’t be able to do it / won’t do a good enough job. <- if you are a 9, this could just be your line to 6 and general anxiousness about doing a good job per your (I assume) 1 wing.

Being indecisive when anxious and wanting someone to tell me what to do/solve my problem. <- Hmm, I haven’t talked to my 9 core friends about this a lot, but I do notice some of them consult me in a “this is happening!!!” way and I give them suggestions on what to do, so… I’d say 9s will consult people they trust if they don’t know what to do. Also, did you decide on INFP? If so, indecisiveness is Ne.

I tend to plan for the worst/expect the worst (but hope for the best). <- Pessimism is a human condition. xD

I don’t project, though - I do worry that people may not like me, but I don’t test them to find out if that is the case and I always blame myself for it (i.e if they don’t like me it must be because I’m boring or weird or not emotionally reactive enough). <- I used to do this way more when I was young. I’d send an e-mail, get anxious if I didn’t get a normal prompt response, comb back over what I said searching for anything that might have upset them, and feel anxious for no reason assuming someone is mad at me. I would send out little feelers to see what was going on – quick texts or notes in a friendly tone to see if that generated a response. Now I just assume, when that anxiousness kicks in, that as adults, we’re all busy. But self-blaming is a condition of Fi, and not related to Enneagram type, IMO.

Also, I don’t provoke people to examine reactions. In fact I hate conflict (the classic “raised voices = yelling” 9 issue is true for me; in 95% of arguments I’m the peacemaker trying to find middle ground between other people). <- with me, it depends. I have zero problems with conflict at home or arguing with my parents / family members, but the less I know you and the less I trust you, the more I don’t want to fight with you. It’s true, though, that I have that bratty 6w7 energy that sometimes provokes to get a rise out of my loved ones, which my mother (a 1w9) absolutely hates. It’s hard to shut off, but I try for her sake. Course my father is quarrelsome too, so we’re like a tempest in a teapot sometimes.

I also don’t see many positive 6 aspects in myself:

The ability/desire to build connections and make a security system. <- Interesting. My security is my bank account and having a few people I can count on. It’s not stalking up my pantry, for sure. *cough * weak Si, like what kinds of foods even go together? *cough* Though I work very hard in my family business so we can all thrive, which is a security of its own.

Being loyal to friends and checking in with them to make sure we’re “okay” (I never do this barring an actual argument or something - mostly I ghost people; loyalty is not my strong suit!) <- This is very true of me. If anyone picks on any of my friends, I will get offended and fiercely defend them (even if I have criticisms of them myself). And I do like to stay connected as an extrovert. But following up what I said above, I don’t try to build super close connections as much as I did when I was younger. I’ve realized people have their own lives, and you’re lucky to get their attention at all. But I don’t ghost people. I used to stay in very immediate contact with them.

I feel very little need to connect with other people. My friends are basically my family and in-laws - about 10 people who I truly trust and would do anything for. I don’t really want more people-related responsibilities. <- lucky little sp-dom introvert. ;) Though I can somewhat relate. More people means more energy going out, and I spend so much of it on my books and hobbies, I don’t have a lot left over. I was laughing with a fellow sp-dom INFP just yesterday about how we are both like “OMG, I have SOCIAL events in October, 5 of them!! I’m going to be so busy!!! Will it be too much???” Chill, girl. They’re interspersed over weeks. Stop over-thinking “invasions of my time!”

Meanwhile, I have many positive and negative 9 attributes:

The core problem of 9, apathy, is a BIG problem for me. Many problems in my life have been caused by not acting, by waiting too long in hopes that the problem will go away, by riding along on easy work (even if it is work I love and is worth doing) and not doing the hard work that would lead to the achievements I really want to make (writing a novel, etc.). I’m not a lazy/apathetic person in general - I can (and do) work extremely hard (I run my own art business and working 12+ hours a day is typical for me). But it’s a mental apathy issue, the quailing at mentally facing hard tasks and ending up doing small easy things that soothe me. <- aww, tho I relate to procrastinating. Being around 9s, it kind of amuses me to watch you self-soothe. Like, shouldn’t you be studying for your math final and not reorganizing the bathroom cabinets? And it seems like 9s can drag their feet even when it’s important until they decide to do it, then nothing stands in their way.

Other 9 aspects/problems I can see in myself:

Being vague - not knowing what I really want and getting frustrated by not having a clear vision of what to do. <- yeah, that’s 9ish.

Suppressing anger and other “negative” emotions because of seeking inner peace/blankness. And if I do express anger (usually in a burst under stress) I feel guilty about it. <- 1 wing, yeah.

Setting up walls between other people and myself because I can’t deal with their emotions. I don’t struggle with the intense kind of “merging” described by many 9s, but I think that might be because I’m Fi-dom and probably sp-dom. But it is still exhausting to handle the emotions, opinions, etc. of many people for long periods of time. <- I need to ask my 9w8 INFP more about this specifically, but I don’t know that she fully merges so much as prematurely (sp-dom) throws up a barrier and says Nope to things, in hopes of avoiding other people creeping into her feelings. And yeah, she finds being around especially temperamental or high energy people difficult, since it’s such a bombardment of drama + her own intense reactions.

Tolerating behavior I don’t like for too long because “they might have good intentions.” Thinking positively of people because believing the worst of them feels mean. <- same for me, Ne + compliant type issues.

I have very strong opinions but I don’t like to argue with other people. I tend to believe that if the truth exists, other people will be drawn to it without my twisting their arm and making them see it. <- that’s nice of you and very healthy Fi-dom. I … will absolutely argue up to a point, then decide it’s not worth my time and pointless.

My motto (good and bad) is often “Let’s wait and see if things improve.” <- haha.

Also, although I do struggle with 6ish self-doubt, when it comes down to it I trust my gut and believe that I know what is best for myself. People can give me advice and I’ll nod and thank them but inside I’m thinking “You don’t know me!” In general I am (or at least appear and strive to be) a cheerful, emotionally stable, positive person. So… I still think 9 gets more points. But honestly, this is one of those things that makes me believe in tritypes because I relate a lot to both of them! Thank you for reading all of this!

Go with your gut. Be a happy little 9. :)

ETA: Regarding relating to them both -- of course you do, 6 is your stress line, so it will show up regularly. ;)

#question #enneagram #enneagram 6 #enneagram 9

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kantrips · 3 years ago

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Alistair & Celia Headcanon Collection

Some Amell x Alistair (largely fluff) headcanons! Includes some from Origins, Warden time at Amaranthine and the Inquisition-era. Some of these I have had since my first playthrough, but others I may have read elsewhere, loved and thusly absorbed so please let me know if I can link anyone!

Origins

The first time they meet at Ostagar, Celia thinks Alistair is the most fascinating person she has ever encountered because no one in the Circle had a particularly boisterous sense of humour. Alistair is oblivious to her heart eyes, and also holds back because he’s worried she won’t survive the Joining.

Even after the Joining, Alistair tries very hard not to ~feel feelings~ despite the clear signals Celia is hurling at him because he assumes she won’t like him once she gets to know him more/she will get bored of him/ she will leave like everyone else i.e. the boy is hecking damaged.

Celia laughs obnoxiously hard at all Alistair’s jokes because a) she finds them unexpected, and b) because, like a dork, she wants to prove she gets the punch line. Alistair is perplexed by her reactions at first, and cautiously wonders if she is mocking him. Once he realises she is genuinely amused, it bolsters his ego significantly.

Celia has no concept of personal space and sits and walks very close to everyone. There wasn’t a lot of room at the Circle so she forgets she can spread out. Morrigan makes it clear she needs to back off (Celia doesn’t need telling twice) but Alistair is more relaxed and gets used to it quickly after the confusion of the first night when she blithely sets up her bedroll right next to his. Alistair assumes she is a bit scared of sleeping in the forest but really she is just accustomed to the need to cram as many apprentice bunks into a room as possible.

In a way, Alistair is also used to sharing small spaces (Chantry and Wardens) so it doesn’t bother him at all when Celia chooses to sit pressed against his side, walks so their arms bump together, or unconsciously brushes an eyelash from his cheek. He quickly grows to like her overfamiliarity (for some reason…).

Similarly, Alistair eats Celia’s leftover food if she can’t finish it or doesn’t like it, even before they’re a couple. She just offers one day and after that it becomes a given. The others side-eye them but they are happily oblivious.

Celia gets in trouble from the rest of the party for getting distracted yelling encouragement and cheering Alistair during combat. In turn, Alistair gets in trouble for turning around mid-battle to thank her when she buffs or heals him. Morrigan advises that if they are both so determined to get killed, she is more than happy to assist with hastening the process.

Celia’s mabari, Trevor, is quickly accepting of Alistair and his proximity to Celia because he observes Alistair protecting Celia in battle and thusly deems him to be a ‘good dog’ and considers that they are equals in the pack.

Alistair and Celia vandalise each other’s wanted posters whenever they come across them. It gets competitive.

Celia doesn’t really want to be in charge of saving the world but has three things working in her favour: 1) she absolutely hates letting people down 2) has an intense need to finish what she starts 3) she is in possession of a bossy streak.

That said she spends the entire Blight screaming internally to an extent not even Alistair fully grasps.

They go to the Circle Tower first, because Celia thinks she will have the best chance of getting help from people she knows and is also ‘homesick’ in the sense that she is very glad to be free of the place, but stressed enough with everything going on to crave something familiar even if she resents it. The events there devastate her. Along with the loss of friends and mentors she has known since childhood, being trapped by herself in the fade particularly terrifies her as she has never truly been alone for so long before in her life. It reminds her of the Harowing which totally blindsided her. She is very teary, untalkative and introspective for some time afterwards, but both Trevor and Alistair have the correct instinct to stay close without trying to interact with her which she finds incredibly comforting.

Accustomed to making potions, Celia will not under any circumstances deviate from a recipe while cooking, whereas Alistair just chucks everything in to use up leftovers and see what happens. Alistair gets meals together super quickly whereas Celia takes forever. A little unfairly, Celia is perceived as the better cook because she produces very consistent meals, while Alistair’s experiments sometimes do work, and sometimes don’t, with people tending to focus on the disasters rather than the successes. Meanwhile Celia is rather: “should I add half a sprig of rosemary? No I mustn��t: it would be far too daring!” so everyone learns to tip their own seasonings into their bowl before even tasting her food.

When they’re travelling and walking for days on end, Alistair and Celia make up a lot of games in the vein of ‘I spy’ and ‘would you rather?’ They can occasionally persuade others to participate though no one enjoys them or gets quite as invested as Celia and Alistair (who are actual children).

A game stops abruptly one day when Celia guilelessly asks if Alistair would rather be Emperor of Orlais or King of Fereldan and he gets extremely defensive and answers, “Neither.” Having no context for this reaction (yet), Celia (a stickler for the rules) pushes him, insisting his answer isn’t allowed and that he’s cheating until Alistair gets grouchy, stomps off and refuses to play anything for days.

Celia figures he must be overtired, but his unhappy reaction does come back to her later at the Landsmeet and contributes to her already firm resolve not to put him on the throne.

When bored, Alistair also periodically asks Celia to, “Do a trick!” with her magic and she usually obliges with something small and silly which Wynne always scolds them for (but they continue to do anyway).

Celia does not like Eamon one bit and makes it clear from their first meeting. Alistair actually gets a bit annoyed at her because she is polite to 99% of the other people they meet and he can’t understand what her problem is. Celia won’t say because she doesn’t want to drive Alistair away so she remains coldly civil towards Eamon and commences a long, looong process of nudging Alistair towards having the realisation himself that a) Eamon is manipulative, selfish and cruel and b) Alistair deserves better.

Celia wants to collect some of the books they find which is not practical given they are constantly travelling, but Alistair carries as many as he can in his pack and suffers in silence for it, ultimately finding it worth it for her enthusiastic gratitude.

Celia cuts Alistair’s hair and does a very respectable job after weeks of him complaining it’s flopping in his eyes (they used to cut each other’s hair in the Circle). Zevran pretends she did an awful job, gasping in horror at Alistair’s appearance, much to Celia’s ire. Alistair (internally weeping) tries to be brave until he can check his reflection in some plate mail and see it is fine.

Celia is very naïve about how the ‘real world’ works having been at the Circle since she was a child. This is especially evident in Denerim and Alistair has to explain how money works and grab her before she wanders down dicey looking alleyways.

Alistair nearly dissolves into a paroxysm of agony when he points out his favourite type of cheese at the Denerim Markets and (accustomed to the very limited range of bland foods provided at the Circle) Celia innocently asks, “There is more than one type of cheese?” Alistair makes it his mission to educate her. She doesn’t like most of what he feeds her but doesn’t say so to protect his feelings given he seems to take the matter so incredibly personally.

Leliana convinces Celia to sing one evening at the campfire. She’s breathy with a very limited range but manages okay, and Leliana plays and harmonises in support. Watching on with a goofy smile plastered over his face, Alistair comments to the surrounding companions about how talented she is and they’re like “…she’s really not mate.”

When they both wake up from a blightmare (or Celia has one and wakes Alistair with her flailing) they sneak about and eat anything they can find then sit up and have massive deep & meaningfuls (i.e. in the spirit of going for a long drive with a friend or being in the garden with someone outside a party and spilling your guts). Eventually they start blaming the depleted food stores on Leliana’s nug, Schmooples, much to Leliana’s displeasure.

Given Celia usually responds so well to his jokes, Alistair gets a bit peeved when Celia starts replying to some of his more severely self-deprecating humour with an unamused, “No you’re not,” or, “That’s not true.” He defensively argues it’s just a joke, but he does stop doing it so much as time goes on.

Celia is SO excited when Alistair gives her the rose. She never in her life thought she would be the recipient of a proper ~romantic gesture~…however she accidentally sits on the rose about five minutes after she gets it. Celia is devastated. There is a lot of panic and tears and she keeps one petal pressed in a book but has to unceremoniously ditch the rest in secret.

Celia doesn’t tell Alistair about this until years later and she’s terrified he’ll be hurt but he just laughs because he was so worried he was going to be the one to squash it and then she destroyed it basically the minute she got it. Alistair acknowledges it was an impractical gift given their situation. Celia gets mad and says it was a PERFECT gift and is annoyed at how funny he finds it given this has been a crushing, guilty secret hanging over her for years.

Following this, every time Alistair gives her any kind of gift, he can’t help but throw in a ‘Don’t sit on it!” and cracks himself up, especially when Celia gets grumpy about it and accuses him of spoiling the moment. It happens so often that when Alistair chooses a horse for her and plans to teach her to ride, Celia manages to cut him off with, “Yes, I know Alistair: I can sit on this one,” and steals his thunder.

Alistair periodically says Celia’s name just to check if she’ll answer, especially after a long period of quiet or to see if she’s awake à la screaming in the chantry because it’s so silent. When she responds he says, “Nothing” or “Never mind” but he finds it vaguely comforting just to hear her reply and it’s a habit he never loses, even when they have been together for years and he is much less isolated generally. Alistair doesn’t realise he’s doing it, and it never happens frequently enough for Celia to notice: she just assumes he has lost his train of thought.

They sometimes conspire to purposely fall to the back of the group while on the road so that they can hold hands. Everyone knows full well what they are doing, but Alistair and Celia think they are being incredibly ~sneaky~.

The first time they sleep together they laugh. A lot. Before, during and after.

Alistair snores loudly but only when he’s on his back. Celia is used to the noise of people sleeping around her at the Circle so it doesn’t bother her and she doesn’t want to disturb him because she knows he needs the rest.

When they are known to be sharing a tent however, their companions will slap on the walls of it and demand she kick him until he stops snoring. Celia will relent and gently prod and nudge Alistair until he rolls over with a bit of sleepy grumbling.

I think everyone has this headcanon to the point it is basically actual canon HOWEVER I am legally obligated to include it: Alistair is a professional body heat distributor and Celia drastically cuts down on the number of blankets she uses once they are sleeping together. If she stands in front of him on cold days, he understands the non-verbal signal and will automatically wrap her in his cloak.

Also might as well be canon: Alistair likes to be the little spoon. He doesn’t say, but Celia knows.

Decidedly not a fluff one (you can skip to Amaranthine to avoid) but the ritual with Morrigan fairly significantly messes Alistair up (both the act itself and his consideration of the repercussions i.e. Kieran). He’s jubilant and relieved at their victory over the Archdemon, but in the background struggles to process and there is some fallout once the victory celebrations lull and he has time to fully register what happened. Alistair grapples with a lot of guilt, disgust and confusion. He doesn’t know how to express it or where to direct his emotions so it mainly manifests as self-loathing. He wants to talk to Celia about it but can’t articulate his feelings which makes him feel worse.

Celia tries to comfort him, but he needs space on and off for a long while after and she gives him it. She feels a lot of guilt too, and never stops wondering how much it was actually his choice to do the ritual, worrying that she made him feel like he had to do it. Eventually they discuss it openly and honestly, which eases both of their minds somewhat, but it takes a long time to get to a point where they can talk on the subject. Meeting Kieran at Skyhold also helps Alistair down the line, though it’s obviously painful.

Amaranthine & Inquisition

Alistair keeps an eye out for people struggling, especially new recruits who are having trouble fitting in. He takes them under his wing and is very good at building people up and making sure everyone is included. He’ll just start enthusiastically greeting people like they are his best friend and squeezing himself onto the bench next to them at meals until everyone else follows suit.

For recruits that don’t respond well to his ‘mother hen’ type attention, Celia is good at assigning tasks that specifically highlight their strengths and builds their confidence/sense of purpose which also gains them the respect of their peers.

Alistair has been known to stand behind Celia while she is giving mundane orders/making speeches and pull faces or impersonate her, turning stony and impassive when she spins around accusingly because people are laughing.

But if anyone else talks smack about her he gets very, “Sorry mate, just to clarify was that comment directed at my wife, your Commander, the hERO OF FERELDAN, VANQUISHER OF AN ARCHDEMON!? That’s lucky, I didn’t THINK IT LIKELY. Because that wouldn’t be WISE, would it now?” etc. with some loud, fake laughter and firm backslapping for the worst offenders.

The plan for them to part ways so that Celia can search for a cure goes very badly, especially because Celia (under a lot of stress and not coping™) eventually devolves into, “I’m in charge and I say so,” which is a big betrayal of their agreements both to stay together, and make decisions together on equal footing. She realises this and takes it back but Alistair is demoralised and gives in with a bit of petty, sarcastic reverence e.g. saluting and, “Whatever you say boss, don’t know why I dared to utter an opinion how foolish of me...” so they still part on slightly strained terms, even after later mutually apologising and trying to make the most of their time together before they go.

Both regret the argument during their separation and write horribly soppy letters to each other, but something still feels uncomfortably unresolved until they are together again. They pine. So much. It’s disgusting and cliched. There is considerable sighing and staring at the moon or deep into tankards, very much to the ire of those around them. Alistair can be particularly annoying: “This roll reminds me of my wife...she eats bread sometimes...”

After Celia sends the letter to the Inquisitor, she writes to Leliana directly along the lines of, “I know it was incredibly subtle but I wanted to check: did they get the message? That I will destroy them if Alistair gets hurt?” and Leliana replies in the vein of, “Hon, it wasn’t even remotely subtle ffs…”

When reunited, though ecstatic and nearly delirious with joy and relief, it takes a while to rebuild the trust they once had, especially for Alistair. There’s an unfamiliar awkwardness that flares up unexpectedly, but it doesn’t last and they’re both fully committed to each other and to staying together permanently this time.

Celia and Alistair have a conversation recapping everything that happened while they were apart in which Celia is all, “Poor Hawke. Honestly I’m shocked you didn’t do something obscenely idiotic like try and sacrifice yourself thank the Maker for that…” and Alistair is there, nervously sweating, looking for an exit, loosening his collar etc.

As they settle back into their old routines Alistair will occasionally blurt out things like, “I really like having breakfast with you,” and then berate himself internally for how trite that sounds but Celia replies on cue, “I love waking up next to you and the way you groan when you stretch your back out and the way you check your hair twice before you leave the room and the way you complain if I don’t eat my crusts and the way you still hold my hand when we’re walking...” and basically they’re just blissfully happy being comfortably domestic and even as they get older they are forever just teenagers in love.

The Wardens at Amaranthine acquire/receive a griffon egg and the hatchling imprints on Alistair and decides he is their mother. It can’t cope with separation, crying constantly if Alistair goes out of sight, and won’t let anyone else feed or handle it so Alistair carries them in a sling 24/7. He gets to give orders and run training sessions with the tiny griffon occasionally poking its head out just to glare at everyone.

Whenever the baby griffon squeaks, Alistair automatically replies, “Well said,” or “Excellent point, Ser Beaksly” with a totally straight face.

For the first few months, Celia gets nipped or scratched if she approaches Alistair unless he wraps the griffon up. It so badly wants to fight her. Celia is permitted to sleep in her own bed, as long as the griffon sleeps curled on Alistair’s chest and Celia doesn't try anything outrageous like touching her husband even fleetingly. It gets a little frustrating as the months drag on, but the image of Alistair with the sling over his armour, or with the griffon snuggling possessively around his neck staring daggers at everyone, is so entertaining that Celia can’t get truly annoyed about it. As the griffon gets older it does learn to tolerate other people and becomes more independent but remains very protective of Alistair and favours him above all others. Insert the ‘Ah yes. Me. My husband. And his thousand pound murder-bird-cat child’ meme here.

Modern AU Bonus Round

They share headphones while commuting.

They occasionally end up wearing sort of matching outfits, mostly unintentionally.

They consistently refer to their dog, Trevor, as their son to the point that people who aren’t familiar with them assume that they actually have a child.

#dragon age #dragon age origins #alistair theirin #warden alistair #warden x alistair #amell x alistair #warden amell #headcanons #my art #my writing #file under no one cares but me #but my goodness do I ever care #I can't wait to delete a bunch of these from my phone where they have been lurking forever #this draft is weeks old why am I so scared of posting on tumblr???#the problem is the longer I leave it #the more I add #I'm out of control #this is too many headcanons #I must be stopped

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supersickies · 3 years ago

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Summary: "Steve absolutely wasn’t nervous. Compared to every intense and grueling Avengers mission he’s completed, taking care of a sick kid was a walk in the park right? Except when this sick kid was also one of the most precious things within Tony Stark’s life and if anything were to happen to this boy there’s no doubt in Steve’s mind that Tony would dump him in an instant.

So no, Steve was not nervous at all."

Tony has meetings, Steve has anxiety, and poor Peter just has a fever.

A/N: It’s Sicktember 2021! Very excited for this month and to see all of the amazing works! Not to mention it gives me an excuse and the motivation to write as many sickfics as I can! And let's see if I do because writer's block is too real right now :) Anyway thank you @sicktember for coming up with this month of prompts and I hope you all like this little fic! Read it here or click the link to read on AO3!

Steve absolutely wasn’t nervous. Compared to every intense and grueling Avengers mission he’s completed, taking care of a sick kid was a walk in the park right? Except when this sick kid was also one of the most precious things within Tony Stark’s life and if anything were to happen to this boy there’s no doubt in Steve’s mind that Tony would dump him in an instant.

So no, Steve was not nervous at all.

Tony, however, could see right through the false confidence.

“Relax, Stevie! Good lord, I can feel you panicking from over here.” Tony jokes as he enters the living room and gathers his briefcase and Stark gadgets for his day of meetings.

Steve jolts a bit as he looks up at Tony. “Huh? I-I’m not panicking.”

“You were just glaring daggers into Petey over there, hon.” Tony points out, to which Steve just shrugs with a blush. “There’s really no need to worry Cap, the kid is probably just gonna sleep and cough a bit until I’m back, alright? And if he wakes up and gets antsy or something just heat up some of the soup I made and throw on Adventure Time. Pete’s an easy kid, I swear.”

Steve stands from his chair with a deep breath and nods in understanding. Tony strides over to the super-soldier and takes his face in his hands. “There’s no one I trust more with Peter than you. Except maybe Pepper, but she can literally do everything.”

Steve laughs at that and bends down to give Tony a quick peck on the lips. They break apart so Tony can give Peter’s hair a quick ruffle. His hand pauses on the boy’s forehead as he gauges his fever. His lips quirk downward, he does not love the temperature the kids running at the moment.

With a sigh, he stands up and walks hand in hand with Steve to the elevator. “I think his fever went up, so just keep an eye on that. Friday is down for maintenance so you’ll probably want to wake him up in a bit to take his temperature manually.” The elevator doors open and the super couple shares one last peck before Tony steps in. “I’m just thirty floors down! You’re gonna do great! I love you both!” Tony calls as the doors close and suddenly Steve is alone. Well, save for the snoring spider-teen on the couch.

Steve wanders back to the living room, nervously glancing at Peter as he does. The poor kid is basically in the exact opposite of his regular state. On a normal day, Peter was a bright ball of action, seemingly unable to stop talking or moving at all. But that wasn’t the Peter he saw now.

Instead, this Peter was silent. Sick. There’s an eerie ambiance in the air and Steve hates it.

So, to quell the weird vibe, he turns the tv to TCM, (un-ironically his favorite channel as the rest of the team loved to tease him about) and sets it at a low volume so he doesn’t wake the kid.

He’s just about to the end of an old western film when he hears Peter groan and shuffle around on the couch. The sick teen sits up wearily, his hair a mess and his eyes unfocused. Not to mention his cheeks are deeply flushed with fever, which has clearly gotten worse in the last forty-five minutes.

“S’eve?” Peter slurs as he spots the super solider.

Steve’s focus quickly turns to the kid, who looks undoubtedly sicker. “Hey, Pete. How you feeling, pal?” Stupid question, Rogers. He thinks to himself.

Peter sniffs and shivers with sudden chills. “Mm, n-not v’ry good.” His voice cracks as tears fill to his eyes. His sleep-addled brain catching up to and feeling the full effect of his feverish achy body. He can’t stop his breath as it hitches and the tears spill over. It just hurts so much.

Steve’s up and at the boy’s side almost inhumanly fast, doing his best to comfort him. Unfortunately, he’s no expert on Peter care (i.e, he’s not Tony). If there’s one thing he does know, however, is that you can never go wrong playing with the kid’s hair, which Steve had quickly learned by watching his boyfriend. And while Tony was the “Peter scalp massage pro”, Peter definitely wasn’t picky about who or how. The kid simply just wanted his hair touched.

So Steve did just that. The larger man was relieved to find that the action had the desired effect—Peter had calmed almost instantly, curling up against Steve’s side— but the super soldier was quickly fulled with nerves again as he felt the nearly scalding heat coming from the kid.

When Peter had relaxed enough, Steve grabbed the thermometer Tony had left on the coffee table. Peter spots the machine in Steve’s hand and opens his mouth, accustomed to the routine after being sick all day yesterday as well.

With the thermometer under his tongue, Peter lets his eyes close as they wait for the reading to be done. When it is, Peter lightly jumps at the beep before burrowing back into Steve’s side as the blonde takes the thermometer back and reads its results.

And while Peter looks peaceful once again, Steve is panicking. 103.5. Steve’s not a scientist but he knows that’s not a good temperature for the body to be.

“Friday can you- ah.” Oh, right. Steve remembers that the AI was down for maintenance. Instead, he looks around for his phone, ready to research exactly what he should do for a kid with a near brain-melting fever.

Steve bites the inside of his cheek as he, again, remembers. He doesn’t have a phone right now, as he sat with his last one in his back pocket and it cracked in half. He and Tony had laughed themselves to tears when it happened.

Steve wasn’t laughing now.

He’s thrown back into the moment as Peter groans again, another intense chill running through the kid’s frame. Poor kid must be freezing, Steve thinks.

Freezing.

With that realization, Steve is taken back to his teen years. The years he spent consistently sick and feverish like Peter is now. The years his Ma used to keep him in bed for days, wrapped in every blanket they had in their house.

Blankets!

Steve suddenly remembers how to treat a high fever. You sweat it out, duh. With a tiny smile at the memory of his Ma, he stands from the couch carefully and heads to Tony’s linen closet. He spots a soft looking quilt beside a thick fluffy throw and grabs the two, knowing that when paired with the blanket the kid was already wrapped in they would make the perfect fever banishing covers.

Peter is almost back to sleep when Steve returns, but he hears the man's footsteps and his eyes open again. Steve makes quick work of unfolding the blankets and laying them over Peter. The kid hums, content with the warmth of the added blanked combating his chills, and falls swiftly to sleep. It makes Steve smile, pleased with his ability to care for the sick spidering.

Steve was feeling pretty confident that Tony was going to be just as pleased.

______

Tony Stark was far from pleased.

He had excused himself from his meeting after an hour, intent on checking Peter’s vitals on his phone through the watch the boy wore on his wrist.

What he saw was less than ideal. In fact, it was terrifying. 104.3 should be Peter’s physics grade after perfectly completing extra credit for fun, not his kid’s body temperature. The mechanic bolts to the nearest elevator, paying no mind to the white-collar assholes who awaited his return. They didn’t matter, not when his kid’s brain was melting thirty floors up.

“Steve!” He shouts when the elevator doors finally open to the penthouse. The blonde jumps when he hears his name and his eyes widen as he sees his panicked boyfriend sprinting towards him.

“Tony wha-?”

“Where’s Peter, Steve? Where is he— is he okay?”

Still a bit flustered, Steve just points to the sleeping boy on the couch, still wrapped in the thick blankets. When Tony sees him, his eyes only go wider.

“What, are you trying to fucking roast him?” Tony asks, exasperated. Before Steve can answer, Tony begins removing the blankets from his kid. Cringing at the heat that wafts out from them as they go.

“I-I- his fever got higher! I was trying to help him sweat it out!” Steve stumbles through his explanation.

“Sweat it out? Jesus fuck what are you from the thir- oh my god you’re from the thirties.” Tony halts with the realization. Steve Rogers was borderline a complete stranger to modern medicine and comes from an era of absolute batshit home remedies. The man smoked cigarettes for his asthma for fucks sake.

“Okay, alrighty then. Steve do me a favor and go start a lukewarm bath for me please.” Tony orders in about the most anxiously calm voice Steve had ever heard.

“Okay but Tony-“

“Now please, Steven.” Tony demands once more. Steve gets the memo, fast, and quickly heads to Tony’s bathroom.

Shit.

_____

After a quick dip in the tub and a quick anxiety attack from Tony, Peter’s temperature is back down to a less dangerous level. He’s sat back on the couch in the lightest t-shirt and boxers he owns, sipping ice water through a straw with a fever patch stuck to his forehead. Maybe it was overkill, but you couldn’t tell Tony that.

When the boy's eyes begin to droop Tony takes the water from his hands and helps him lay back down.

“Comfy, bubba?” He asked in a hushed tone. Peter just nods and yawns as he closes his eyes and quickly drifts back to sleep. “Get some more sleep bud.” He hums softly, laying a thin—thin—blanket over his kid.

Steve watches the pair from afar, afraid to step in or offer any more “help”. He doubts Tony will even want to look at him after what he’s done. Which is why when Tony stands and turns to him, he immediately tenses. He’s ready to be yelled at, cursed at, probably dumped.

“C’mere.” Tony says, opening his arms to Steve, inviting him into a hug. The blonde is shocked, sure, but he accepts the hug quickly, silently thinking it could be his last with the man he’s come to love so much.

“Again, Stevie, I can hear you overthinking.” Tony mumbles against his boyfriend's shoulder. He pulls away from the hug and takes the man's hands, looking up at him. “All things considered, you did nothing wrong, hon.”

“Tony I just-“

“You just did what you thought was right. You didn’t know any better Steve.” Tony rebuts before Steve can even finish.

“I’m just…I’m really sorry Tony. You trusted me with your most important person and— I fucked up bad.” Steve apologizes.

“Woah there big guy!” Tony’s brows shoot up at the apology. “First off, language mister.” Tony teases, it makes Steve blush and a hint of a smile ghosts his lips. Tony sees that as a win. “Second, yes, you’re correct. Peter is incredibly important to me. He’s my kid, but you are my Steve!” Tony emphasizes, shaking Steve’s shoulders a bit as if it will help get the point across. “You are incredibly important to me too! You made a mistake, and guess what Steve, that’s human— you’re human!”

Steve smiles sadly and nods before looking back at Peter’s sleeping form on the couch, just double-checking that the kid was truly fine.

Tony huffs lightly, using his fingers to softly move Steve’s head so he’s looking at him again. “Look at me, love. Peter’s fine, you’re fine, I’m fine, and we are fine. Okay?”

Steve takes a deep breath, closing his eyes with a smile. “Okay.” He confirms quietly. He can feel Tony’s hands move to cup the sides of his cheeks as he’s brought into a deep kiss. It quells all of his anxieties. Tony is here, with him, and he’s not going anywher-

“Eeugh, y-you guys ‘re cute and stuff, but the PDA ’s kinda makin’ me nauseous.” Peter’s voice breaks their kiss. Both Avengers turn to the kid, their faces about as red as his feverish cheeks after getting caught.

Tony snorts. “Oh come on kiddie!” Tony pulls Steve’s face closer to his again, this time just peppering kisses across his face. “A man can’t show his boyfriend some love?”

The older men laugh until they hear a legitimate gag from Peter. “N-no I’m serious Mr. Stark—“ Gag. “I’m really nauseous.”

“Steven grab a trash can.” Tony prompts, the same anxiously calm demeanor back in his voice as before.

Steve wastes no time, sprinting to the closest receptacle. “On it!”

#sicktember #sicktember 2021 #sick peter parker #stevetony #iron dad #sickfic

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hiccanna-tidbits · 3 years ago

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*kicking at your door, smashing it* DING DONG

Hello! 🥰🌸

from "Questions You Should Be Able To Answer For Any OTP" 1,3,4,5,9 and 10 for moanida!😅💜 But you can answer all of them or only few of them is it's too much ahaha

Ily, take care!!

YEAH BOIIII

Coffee shop AU: Who is the barista, and who frequents the coffee shop?

I'm just imagining Moana being a barista at some hole-in-the-wall authentic Polynesian coffee place by the beach, and of course Merida because she damn well needs her caffeine in the morning or she'll pass out, and Rapunzel insists on starting these fucking Squad Beach Days early. Merida was honestly willing to take the first cup of coffee she could get when the gang first went into town, but uhhhhhh oh GOD that girl behind the counter is cute!!! Merida starts "ending up" in there quite a lot, although initially she can barely string a coherent sentence together in front of that cute barista and can't make eye contact for more than half a second. Extroverted as she can be, Merida dissolves into an absolute mess as soon as a pretty girl is involved XD

Merida also pretends to only like black coffee to make herself seem tough, but in reality she kind of hates it and prefers sugar-laden lattes and sweet teas. After a while, when she and Mo have established kind of a friendship, and Merida can have an conversation with Mo without imploding and making an idiot of herself, Mo notices Mer making a face every time she sips her Plain Black Coffee and kinda smirks and is like “You know, there’s no shame in adding sweeteners. I mean, for god’s sake, my favorite drink here is the blonde vanilla coconut latte, and I’m still pretty tough.” Merida is just like “OH THANK GOD” and finally admits that she’d much rather be ordering an Irish crème, toffee, buttered rum, cinnamon, or caramel latte. If the seasonal flavor selection offers any apple-accented or apple pie-esque lattes, Merida’s all about that shit, too! Probably the most “intense” drink Merida actually enjoys is a pretty spicy cinnamon latte. She ends up ordering this pretty frequently to impress Moana with her spice tolerance, even though she really doesn’t need to.

Also, in case there’s any question about it--yes, Moana absolutely memorizes Merida’s orders! Moana also memorizes what flavor syrups Merida seems to like best (i.e. spicy cinnamon, apple pie, caramel, toffee, butterscotch) and gives them extra shots of them in her drinks. When the manager complains about all of Merida’s favorite flavor syrups running out frequently, Moana is like “Oh nooooo, I have no idea why THAT could be! That’s terrible!”

Rivals to lovers AU: Who takes their rivalry seriously, and who is half in it just to push the other’s buttons?

I love the idea of them having a super-petty sports rivalry in a modern AU! Merida strikes me as being competitive as hell, so I’m betting anything she’d be the one to take it way too seriously and get increasingly annoyed with Moana outdoing her, while Mo kind of gives in and indulges Mer but is also secretly amused and kind of flattered that Mer is like...that into their rivalry. Moana’s just like *Regina George voice* “Why are you so OBSESSED with me???”

Like maybe in a modern-day college AU, Merida has been the star of her college’s archery team basically since freshman year. She wins the championships!!! She gets the trophies!!! She’s very well-known within the tiny niche community that is college archery!!! Then, come junior year, this girl in Merida’s year who Merida’s never even SEEN before shows up out of nowhere and makes the cut for the team. She’s honestly way better than she has any right to be (like judging by how she is with that harpoon gun, Moana’s aim is pretty damn good) and is constantly stealing the spotlight, and Merida is a very angry lass. Like it seems like no matter what she does, Moana can always one-up her, and Merida wants to tear her hair out in frustration. Doesn’t help that every time Moana does ridiculously good on a drill and gets 7 bullseyes in a row or some shit, she’s insufferably smug and cocky about it. Merida very-nearly throws a fit every time Mo outdoes her, and Moana honestly finds the whole thing pretty amusing. She’s sort of flattered that apparently only she can get such dramatic reactions out of Mer, and that just tempts her to push Mer’s buttons all the more.

Then, come the annual Big Archery Tournament Finals! As usual, Merida’s college’s team wins--although this time, it’s through a combination of Merida’s and Moana’s skills rather than just Merida kicking archery ass for like 2 hours straight. On the individual evaluations, Moana scores higher than Merida, but only by a little bit. Merida is, of course, extremely salty, but she’s also grudgingly grateful that Moana being there was able to give their team a definitive edge in the competition.

Afterwards, the team goes out for celebratory drinks. After probably 3 drinks too many, Moana finally works up the courage to try and actually like...have a straight conversation with Merida for once, instead of just communicating with passive-aggressive show-offery. She wanders over, sits next to Mer at the bar, and half-slurredly asks if she can declare a truce just for one night, in honor of their kind-of-teamwork winning the tournament. Merida is also a few drinks in, so she’s just like “sure, fuck it, maybe yer not so bad after all. Now prove to me you’re not a pain in the arse!”

They chat for a while, and it turns out Moana is actually pretty easygoing and fun to talk to when she’s not mega-flexing with her archery skills. After a few more drinks, Moana is like “...can I tell you something?” and Merida’s like “why not?”

And then Moana just goes bright red and looks away and admits that the whole reason she got into archery and boosted up her skills enough to join the team in the first place was because she saw Merida making like 50 bullseyes at the previous year’s tournament, and developed a huge crush on her--to the point where she did all this extra-ass shit just so she could join the archery team and get to know Merida better. Also, every instance of Moana acting smug and cocky after acing a drill or perfectly hitting a target? It was honestly because she was trying to impress and show off to Merida, and also because she’s awkward as hell and has no idea how to actually flirt without being joke-mean and joke-cocky. Merida, a much more emotional drunk than she will ever admit, starts crying and gets super apologetic, because oh god, she was being so mean and rude to this girl who only ever thought she was cool and wanted to impress her from the jump??? How COULD she??? Moana lowkey loses her shit laughing because how mad Merida got at being upstaged was honestly kind of hilarious, and she was actually really flattered that Merida was, again, that obsessed with their rivalry. It made Moana feel weirdly special that only she could get to Merida that much, and she honestly liked the attention, even if it...wasn’t the most positive XD And Merida starts laughing, too, because she’ll admit that in hindsight, this whole thing feels a little ridiculous, and extracurricular college archery really isn’t that big of a deal.

Finally, Merida just rolls her eyes and says “C’mere, yeh bloody show-off yeh” and grabs Moana by the front of her archery uniform and smooches her!!! The entire archery team hoots and hollers because OH SHIT, DAT GAY!!! Merida holds out her other hand and flips the entire team off, which honestly just makes them cheer more.

Enemies to lovers AU: Which one switches sides?

Depends a lot on the conflict, I think! Maybe a war breaks out in an AU where someone other than Moana is chosen to return the Heart of Te Fiti--I’m gonna say Tui, for irony’s sake! Moana and Sina take over as co-chiefs while he’s gone, but he takes significantly longer than Moana did in the quest, so Moana’s tribe is eventually forced to flee Motunui to find new fishing grounds before their island is overtaken by darkness. The people of Motunui sail across the world, trying to find a new place to call home. Unfortunately, every time they find a habitable place, it’s already occupied, and the people who live there are uninterested in sharing their already-scarce food.

Eventually they stumble upon Dunbroch, far enough away from Motunui that the seas aren’t affected by the spreading darkness, and fish are plentiful. Naturally, Moana’s tribe sets up a camp on the shores and starts catching as many fish as they can, hoping they’ve finally found a place where they can have enough to eat again. Unfortunately Fergus and Elinor aren’t too crazy about this, and are like “yo, these oceans and these fish and other game belong to the people of Dunbroch and you gotta leave” and Sina and Moana are like “Pls we don’t have any place to go and we’ve been barely eating for a long-ass time, can’t you spare some food?” and Fergus and Elinor are like “sorry bro, it’s almost winter and we have our own entire kingdom to look after, we don’t need more mouths to feed. You gotta be on your way or shit’s gonna get real.”

So Moana thinks this sounds sketch as fuck because like...there’s an entire forest full of deer, rabbits, and other game, and they have NO food they can spare??? That night, Sina sends Moana to spy on the kingdom, since she can be pretty sneaky when she wants. Moana manages to climb the castle battlements and watch through a window, and she sees a bunch of people enjoying a massive feast in a huge dining hall. Her eyes are particularly drawn to a girl about her age with a head full of bright, fiery curls, wearing a nice dark green dress and gorging herself on pastries adorned with white icing and raspberries.

Moana heads back and tells Sina “actually it looks like these assholes have PLENTY of food to spare, and they just want to keep it all for themselves” and Sina is like “well shit...why don’t we raid their food store, then??? They’ve gotta have one somewhere!” And so the Motunui village storms Castle Dunbroch at dawn, catching them almost completely by surprise.

The first thing Moana does is seek out the redheaded pastry girl, whom she’s developed a particular disdain for. When she rushes her, she’s surprised that the ginger girl whips around and immediately sends an arrow sailing into her shoulder. When Moana gets close, the redheaded girl pulls out a sword. Moana takes out a long, sharpened wooden spear made from a particularly tough oar.

She turns out to be much more competent than Moana expected, especially for someone who was shamelessly shoving sweets into her mouth not 7 hours earlier.

They go toe to toe Raya-and-Namaari style, and the redheaded girl admittedly gives Moana a run for her money. The longer the battle goes on, the more Moana’s rage grows. She taunts the redheaded girl the entire time, calling her a spoiled, selfish brat who’d rather gorge herself with all the sugar in the world than share even one grain of it. Merida, who hasn’t exactly heard good things about these people from her parents, is just like “well, you’re no better, showing up and thinking you can just steal what belongs to Dunbroch and we won’t put up a fight!”

And thus the war begins. Motunui is never quite strong enough to get through the guards and raid the food stores, and Dunbroch is never quite strong enough to fully drive Motunui out of the kingdom. Fergus and Moana are both far too stubborn to surrender (despite the fact that Sina is kind of ready to), and so the battles continue. Casualties start to pile up. Dunbroch seeks help from the other clans, but they refuse--they did not take their leaders’ sons being scorned by the Dunbroch princess lightly.

Over and over, Moana can’t help but be drawn to the redheaded girl. She realizes after a few battles that this girl isn’t just anymore, but the Dunbroch princess--her resemblance to the king and his protectiveness over her can’t be a coincidence. It only makes Moana hate her more--but time and time again, she isn’t able to get the better of the princess. Moana can fight hard, and she can be vicious--but so, she’s discovering, can the Dunbroch girl. The princess is clever and cunning, and underestimating her has almost gotten Moana a blade in the throat one too many times.

Merida would be the one to change sides eventually, I think (wooo! Finally got to the actual question!). Once she finds out her parents didn’t tell her the whole truth about their first meeting with the Motunui village and sorta fudged what happened, Merida is livid that they turned away people who needed help. She said if she had known there were people who were tired and hungry and just needed a place to rest, she would have gladly given up some of her own meals for them! To prove this, she gathers up her dinner--plus some apples and some pastries she was going to have for dessert--and puts it in a basket, taking it to the Motunui camp as a peace offering. Moana ambushes her and very nearly slices the basket in half, if only because Moana was convinced it was filled with venemous snakes. After some bickering, Moana finally snatches the food away and, after testing it to make sure it wasn’t poisoned, brings it to Sina.

Unfortunately, one basket of food isn’t enough to feed the village, and the fighting continues. Merida tries to convince her parents to share their food stores with Motunui, but they still refuse, saying they need those stores for their own people and the Motunui people killed any chance of goodwill they might get when they attacked. Determined not to see people starve, Merida starts stealing from the reserve herself and sneaking the food out to the Motunui camp. Moana is feeling a lot more kindly towards Merida at this point, and feels a little bad about being so quick to judge her initially.

Eventually, Fergus and Elinor notice the food in the stores going missing, and figure some of the Motunui villagers must be running stealth operations to sneak in and get it. Dunbroch launches a full-scale attack on Montunui--while Merida is at their camp sneaking them food, in fact. Fergus makes a beeline for Moana. Word has gotten out by now of the times she managed to spy on the castle, so her sneakiness is well-known--and Fergus is all but certain she’s the thief. He charges at her with his sword, aimed to kill, when his own daughter steps in the way.

He barely manages to stop himself, but he does just in time. Merida admits she was stealing the food the whole time, and she can’t let Fergus hurt Moana. Fergus demands to know why, and Merida tearfully admits “Because I love her!”

Fergus, in a rage, takes out his sword again and charges Merida. Swords clash between father and daughter, and Merida looks like she’s just about to be overpowered. Moana can see the fear and betrayal in her eyes, appalled that her father would actually contemplate hurting her.

Not wanting to see whether he actually would, Moana steps in and helps Merida to fend Fergus off. “Enough!” she screams. “How can you live with yourself? My father risked his life to try to save his daughter and his people--and you’re willing to fight yours because she doesn’t agree with all this senseless violence?! You make me sick! I’m standing with Merida, because...because I love her too. I’ll leave if you want, but I want this to end.”

This finally snaps Fergus out of it, and he and Elinor decide that maybe the fighting has gone on long enough--and maybe it’s not worth it anymore, if it’s pitting them against their own daughter now. They end up trying to work out something with Motunui. Establishing a peace treaty and figuring out how to proceed forward is a long and messy process, but everyone is willing to put in the work--for the sake of Merida and Moana, if for nothing else.

Soulmate AU: Who is eager to meet their soulmate? Who absolutely does not want to meet their soulmate?

Neither of them want to meet their soulmate XD Merida has just been repulsed by the idea of marriage and commitment since she was young, mainly because she can’t not see it as just a means of taking her freedom away and making her be subservient to someone. Besides, given the, um...heteronormative culture of Dunbroch and all, she assumes she’ll get not just stuck with, but cosmically bound to a man and that idea just...doesn’t do anything but fill her with unadulterated disgust XD Like please no, she’s perfectly happy to go where she pleases when she pleases with no one but Angus for company. The last thing she needs is some stuck-up, snot-nosed boy telling her what she can and can’t do.

Moana has similar concerns, although maybe a bit less extreme. She’s mainly worried that when she meets her soulmate and, as per expectation, marries them, she’ll be expected to “mature” into a full adult and fully embrace her responsibilities as chief, leaving behind her childhood dreams of exploring the ocean. Same as Merida, she’s worried the person she’s destined for will tie her down and prevent her from exploring and going on the adventures she craves so badly. She’s also, like Merida, worried she’ll get stuck with some lame, boring dude who she’ll be destined for because...he loves her!!! And will be really nice to her!!! But will not stimulate or interest her in any way whatsoever!!! And Moana is pretty uninterested in romance and dating regardless, so the idea of any kind of romantic partner who she’d hypothetically have to run crazy ideas by before just doing them doesn’t sound too appealing to her. Like, she’s happy where she is and having her friends and family for company, what does she need an SO for??? It just feels like the whole “soulmate” business is just the universe attempting to give her a babysitter, and Moana ain’t about that. She can do things on her own, dammit!!! And what makes the great elder love gods think she wants another person to keep track of on her escapades, anyways?!? It’s enough effort keeping herself safe without worrying about someone else!

Imagine their shocked delight when each finds out their soulmate is a) a girl and b) a girl arguably just as chaotic, adventurous, and rebellious as they are!!! They meet and they’re like “huh...maybe the universe wasn’t being some big dumb fucking idiot binding us together after all. I can work with this!!!”

Pirate AU: Who is the pirate? Who is the member of the royal family who did not sign up for this?

Merida is the pirate! Or at least...the one who becomes a pirate first! XD Maybe to escape her betrothal she steals a ship and flees Dunbroch, and BOOM trouble on the High Seas time!!! Eventually she sails to the south Pacific on her naval escapades, and stumbles on Motunui. When she finds out Moana is a chief’s daughter, she naturally kidnaps her and holds her for ransom--because screw it, she hasn’t successfully pillaged any merchant ships recently and she needs some cash. But instead of being like “Noooo take me home!” Moana is like “Actually this fucks, I’ve always wanted to sail the ocean anyways and my dad wouldn’t let me before, so you’ve accidentally given me an avenue to achieve my dreams!!! Thank you!!!” And Merida realizes that a first mate would actually be a lot more useful in the long run than a handful of hostage money, so she just kind of shrugs like “aight, yer on the crew.”

Merida is a bit salty because Moana takes to the pirate lifestyle excellently--so much so that before long, she’s arguably a better pirate than Merida XD While Merida is a bit cranky about being outdone in the art of piracy, she also can’t help but admire Moana’s natural aptitude for sailing and propensity for mischief on the High Seas!!!

Their ship is called “The Arrow,” and Merida definitely uses her bow during pirate-to-pirate combat! She teaches Moana how to shoot a bow, but discovers Mo is pretty nifty with a harpoon gun as well!

Childhood best friends AU: Which one was super obviously in love with the other the whole time? Who was oblivious until they were older?

Oooooh, this is a fun one!!! Admittedly I don’t usually think about these girls in a Childhood Friends to Lovers AU (very possibly due to...geographical constraints lol) so this’ll be a cool thought experiment!

SO in order to fix my unfortunate geographical constraints, I’m gonna say that this is an AU where the people of Motunui were wayfinders from the jump, and while voyaging (admittedly a LONG way), they stumbled upon Dunbroch. Moana’s parents and Merida’s parents immediately hit it off, and established a political alliance of sorts.

Moana, meanwhile, pulled the classic “little girl on vacation/at an event immediately seeks out other little girl and becomes best friends with her.” Moana and Merida naturally also hit it off immediately, and are both pretty bummed out when Tui and Sina want to leave and continue voyaging and such. However, they make plans to visit as frequently as they can and Merida and Moana are super hyped about this! They both always get extremely excited for said visits, and Little Moana nearly falls off the front of her family’s boat several times because she’s leaning over so far and squinting so hard to try and see Dunbroch.

I love the idea that Moana was the one who was totally smitten from the jump, to the point where it took her years to realize she was aspec because she was like “Of course I can fall in love!!! I’m in love with Merida!!!” She just didn’t realize most people have romantic inclinations toward more than one person over the course of their lives XD

It absolutely does not help that Merida is extremely romance-repulsed when they’re kids--mainly because she associates romance in general with being docile and acting stupid to impress some annoying macho guy, and that thought kinda makes her want to puke. That, and given how, er...heteronormative things are in Dunbroch, it doesn’t reall occur to her that romancing girls is like...an option. So poor Moana has always kind of resigned herself to thinking she has no chance with Merida, and keeps her feelings under pretty tight lock since she doesn’t want to ruin their close friendship and all and she doubts Merida even swings that way.

THEN when they’re in their early teens, Merida is like “hmmm...I wonder what it would be like to kiss Moana?” but then IMMEDIATELY feels weird for thinking that and tells absolutely no one. She’s definitely starting to feel something a little different than just platonic friendship though, and of course she’s also convinced Moana only sees her as a friend and probably doesn’t like girls.

Then one day they’re wrestling around out in the woods, like they have since they were little, and at one point Merida leans down and just impulsively kisses Moana. She’s super flustered and apologetic afterwards, but Moana just stares in shock before being like “holy shit, I never thought you’d actually want me too. Holy shit!!!!” After that, they start secret-dating and everyone around just thinks they’re still “very good friends” XD

When Merida turns 16 and gets the news of her betrothal, she’s devastated. It takes her several days to process her emotions, and several times she tries to protest to her mother, but Elinor steamrolls her and talks over her at every turn. Finally, when Merida can get a word in edgewise, she tearfully bursts out that she can’t go through with this because she loves Moana. Elinor, traditionally-minded woman that she is, is horrified by this.

When Fergus finds out, he GOES OFF at Elinor and sticks up for Merida. He basically says that she’s their daughter and they should want her to be happy, and they should be happy for her that she did find someone she loves, even if it’s a bit...unconventional.

Later, at the betrothal ceremony, Merida picks an archery contest for the suitors with the hopes of cheating the system and winning her own hand. Imagine her surprise when Moana rushes in late with a makeshift bow on her hip, shouting “I am Moana of Motunui, and I’ll be shooting for the princess’s hand as well!”

Luckily, due to Moana’s years and years of informal archery training from Merida herself, the other suitors really don’t stand a chance.

It turns out that Elinor and Fergus set this whole thing up, deciding in the end that their daughter should at least be able to marry who she loves if she had to get looped into a political marriage. And honestly, they weren’t going to say no to a stronger alliance with Motunui at the end of the day. Merida is so pleasantly shocked by the whole thing that she forgets to be mad about the fact that she’s still being pressured into a marriage pretty young XD Luckily, Moana has no intention of trying to hold Merida back or take her freedom away! Their relationship really barely changes after they officially become wives, and they’re still just as in love as they’ve basically always been.

As for the issue of heirs, Elinor and Fergus just make Merida’s brothers the heirs of Dunbroch, and Tui and Sina are fine with Moana and Merida choosing an heir for Motunui who isn’t necessarily their biological child. Neither Moana nor Merida are crazy about the “leaders have to be from the chief/monarch’s bloodline” rule anyways, so they’re more than fine with this!

This is in reference to this post! Still answering these questions for Moanida and Hiccanna, if I haven’t done so already!

@takaraphoenix come get your daily dose of Moanida!

#moanida #moana x merida #merida x moana #disney femslash #otp questions #merida #moana #moanaxmerida #meridaxmoana #moarida #merana #meridana #moana waialiki #merida dunbroch #rotbtd #brave #crossover

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qqueenofhades · 4 years ago

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Everytime I read "Nicolo di Genova" my brain glitches and I read "Nicolo do Genovia" instead so /whispers/ Kaysanova Princess Diaries AU?

...yes. Did someone say Gay Champagne Romcom? Because that is my Brand.

Nicolò is an Italian-American graduate student living in New York City with his widowed Italian mother and working on an engineering degree at NYU. He was thinking about joining the priesthood for a few years and recently dropped out of seminary and is feeling that Millennial Crisis that all of us know about. He has gone on a few Tinder/Grindr dates, but it’s hard enough to meet someone in this city even when you’re not a gay ex-priest engineering student living in his mother’s rent-controlled apartment in Morningside Heights because have you seen the property prices in New York. Plus WHENEVER he brings a nice boy home, HEY PRESTO there’s his mom waiting eagerly up in the front room, “NICOLÒ WHO IS THIS HANDSOME YOUNG MAN, DOES HE HAVE GOOD PARENTS, IS HE A CATHOLIC NICOLÒ” and of course that instantly kills any kind of romantic mood. Nicolò is like “let’s just go over to yours PLEASE.” But he tends not to see his dates again anyway, and it’s equally depressing, and it’s nice that his mom isn’t homophobic or anything, but he’d like to just meet someone without his mother instantly planning the Big Fat Gay Italian Wedding, and yes he knows this is a nice problem to have but STILL

Anyway, then of course the Dead Dad Circus rolls into town, and Nicolò learns that he’s not actually the son of a nice hardworking Italian immigrant, but of His Serene Highness Prince Domenico Grimaldi of Genovia, who wouldn’t you know it, has recently died too young from cancer and left no legitimate heir except the result of his rebellious teen fling with a cocktail waitress in Capri – which would be, you guessed it, Nicolò. While Nicolò is still processing the horrifying mental image of his mother being a cocktail waitress in Capri and having to look up Genovia on a map, the rest of the royal machine is kicking into overdrive. This involves a very awkward meeting in a very fancy Manhattan hotel with Nicolò’s magnificent but rather out-of-touch royal grandmother, Her Serene Highness The Queen Mother Maria Elisabetta Henrietta Julia Victoria Mignonette Grimaldi of Genovia. She’s basically Julie Andrews because obviously. She informs Nicolò of his Solemn Duty to return to Genovia and become Prince Nicolò and eventually be prepared to take the throne and submit to a fascinating life of minor European royal family ribbon-cutting duties. Oh, and getting married and producing more heirs to the throne, on pain of breaking a thousand-year-old bloodline, though she doesn’t say this out loud. Her loyal right-hand man, driver, and general bodyguard/fixer/man about town, Sebastien le Livre aka Booker, gives Nicolò various sympathetic looks but does not interrupt.

Nicolò obviously freaks out and runs off to call up his best friend at NYU, Andy. Andy is some indeterminate degree of years older than him, in some indeterminable stage of her Classics PhD, and sometimes says weird things like how badly the Library of Alexandria had already been defunded by the Roman emperors before it finally burned, like she was there and holds a personal grudge about it. She is a cranky vodka-drinking lesbian who rides a motorcycle, gets them into periodic scrapes, and understands his shit dating life. She deeply empathizes with all his “I’m not going to run away and leave my life in New York to become part of some creakingly antique regressive imperial monarchic system of racist and homophobic oppression, NO SIR!” Fight the power, Nicolò. Fuck those guys.

Of course, however, Julie Andrews Grandmother Maria prevails and Nicolò is forced to take Prince Lessons, which he hates but tries to be a good sport about, because, well, he’s Nicolò and he’s a good person. He is then whisked off on a private plane to Genovia, because they want to see him in situ before they make a final decision on accepting him as their prince. There of course we have the high-life palaces and parks and snooty clueless aristocrats who look at Nicolò like he’s a prize racehorse and have absolutely zero clue, none, nada, about the real world. Just as Nicolò is about to firmly decide that this is a complete crock of shit and he’s going back to NYU, he meets….

Prince Yusuf “call me Joe” al-Kaysani.

Joe is a minor member of one of the Middle Eastern royal families, some fictional tiny Gulf kingdom that is super SUPER oil rich. He has a title and a lot of money but doesn’t have a clearly defined role in the family, other than that he’s been ordered not to embarrass it. Nicky does not know this when they first meet, but obviously it’s not possible to be an out gay prince in a conservative Arabian-peninsula Islamic kingdom, and therefore the fixers have arranged for Joe to be publicly dating a daughter of the Malaysian sultan, Quynh. (We are making her Malaysian in this instance so she can also be Muslim and hence an appropriate match for Joe.) Except Princess Quynh is also hella lesbian and is getting the same thing out of the fake dating with Joe that he is, i.e. throwing people off the scent of their real selves. They spend their time together in private eating popcorn, commiserating about their lives and crazy royal families and the press invading their privacy, watching romcoms, and Judging the Straights. They’re actually best friends and text each other all the time, so at the royal function where Joe runs into the stiff and nervous and clearly overcompensating New Guy who’s evidently the New Prince of Genovia, and oh my god Q he’s the Most stuck up person I’ve EVER MET, Quynh is the first to hear ALL about it. She immediately suspects that Joe doth protest too much.

Meanwhile, Nicky meets Nile Freeman, another young American (from Chicago, obvs) who is working at some important EU institution currently headquartered in Genovia. They also hit it off and Nile tells Nicky about the things she wants to do to help change the world and why she’s here, and he is moved by her kindness and altruism and remembers that that was what he wanted too, and why he joined the priesthood in the first place. He opens up to her about the shock of learning the truth about his now-dead dad and the crazy whirlwind he’s been sucked into and how he doesn’t know what to do, and their friendship is beautiful and we love it.

Meanwhile, of course, Nicky and Joe keep running into each other and getting on each other’s nerves, Nicky is thisclose to calling up Booker and ordering him to deport Joe because why is he always here (Booker, of course, will eventually become a secret ally in helping them see each other, but that is not quite yet). There is some Shenanigan where they end up both getting into trouble, Grandmother Julie Andrews is not amused, and finally they are forced to sit next to each other for a whole state dinner and Be Polite, because Genovia is trying to forge better relations with Joe’s kingdom. (Genovia is tiny, ancient, and broke, Joe’s kingdom has obviously a ton of money, there are old historical ties between them, some Genovians traveled to the kingdom in the past, Genovia’s trying to improve its human rights record and take in more refugees, etc. Nile is also helping with this last). So Nicky and Joe get ordered to fake a highly convincing bromance and pretend they’ve been best buddies all along (think Red White and Royal Blue) and that means they have to actually learn about each other and spend time together and ugh, he’s a spoiled rich playboy brat, and ugh, he’s a clueless American who thinks he’s better than us, and…

Oh no.

Yes, of course they fall in love, they deny it as hard as they can, Nile and Quynh and Booker are all increasingly exasperated by their attempts to pretend they’re not, and finally they kiss and make love and admit their feelings and that they want to be together. Then of course they get outed by some scheming evil cabinet minister (Merrick) who doesn’t want Nicky to become king and disapproves of him dating (gasp) a MUSLIM WHO IS ALSO A MAN, and there’s a huge scandal and a ton of drama and the usual Romcom Breakup Angst as they decide whether they can still see each other. Andy flies out to Genovia to comfort Nicky, Booker has a Word With The Queen, and Joe hides in his room until Quynh (along with Nile, who she’s met and hit it off with) appears to tell him that he has to be brave, she’ll help.

Anyway, etc etc., Drama, “I love him no matter what, if you don’t accept him you don’t accept me and your STUPID BLOODLINE CAN CHOKE” speeches from Nicky, Julie Andrews sees the light, they decide that Nicky and Joe can keep seeing each other, and it’s all rather sweet. There’s a lot of public relations to be managed and whether Joe’s family is going to disown him and what this will mean for the whole international relations thing, but… one thing at a time.

Nicky agrees to become Prince of Genovia as long as he can be with Joe, Joe decides that hey, he likes Nile too and there’s plenty of meaningful work to be had here and the three of them can join forces to do good things and he’s going to stay, and the Genovian public obviously comes around and loves them. Nobody can find Princess Quynh. It’s rumored she ran off to America with a cranky vodka-drinking PhD student of indeterminate age and was last seen on the back of a motorcycle heading west.

Everyone lives happily and gayly ever after.

The End.

#the old guard fanfiction #joe x nicky #kaysanova #anonymous #ask

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makeste · 4 years ago

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Are there any headcanons that you would like to share? About anything you want.

anon in the absence of specific guidelines I have managed to make this post pretty much entirely about Bakugou. I apologize if you really wanted to know all of my headcanons about Kouda or something lol. but all joking aside he really is the character I think about the most and so probably like 80% of my headcanons are about him, including close to 100% of the headcanons I actually have a solid enough grip on to put into words. anyway here goes.

he does not know how to tie a tie. he was a rowdy little free range knee-scraping grass-staining run-don’t-walk child whose parents only ever managed to wrestle him into formal attire a handful of times for special occasions when he was younger, and then he went to a middle school that used gakuran-style uniforms so he never learned then, either. his dad offered to teach him when U.A. rolled around, but he was all, “fuck off dad, I know how to tie a stupid tie,” because by that time he had grown into a cocky little brat confident in his own skill and naive as to the reality checks of the world, and he genuinely believed with the conviction that only a fifteen-year-old can muster that when the time came he would just magically know how to do it. on the first day of school he got as far as draping the loose tie over his neck and holding one end in each hand before staring at the mirror and abruptly realizing the hole he’d dug himself into. and so rather than admit defeat, he just straight up decided not to wear it. which became a permanent life choice once he got to school and saw how badly Deku’s tie was tied and realized there was no way he could ever risk that kind of humiliation.

in a similar vein, I know there’s a popular fanon that because of his parents’ influence Katsuki has a good sense of fashion, but my own personal headcanon is that this could not be further from the truth lol. it’s not that he has a terrible sense of style, mind you; it’s just that he doesn’t care about it at all. he’s a nerdy jock who spends all his free time studying and lifting weights. this kid literally only wears one color, and that color just so happens to be the easiest possible color to coordinate. he owns like three pairs of shoes max. he wears his pants three sizes up and they drag so much that the hems are all frayed from him constantly stepping on them (literally canon, and one of my favorite details from chapter 218). he just doesn’t give a fuck, so long as the clothes are comfortable and don’t look stupid. he has about a million things he’s more concerned about than what he or anyone else is wearing. in fact I’m 90% sure that his mom still buys most of his clothes, and about 70% convinced he does not even know what size he is.

he’s good at household chores (because he’s good at everything), but hates doing them. aside from cooking, which he enjoys, he will bitch and whine nonstop if forced to do tedious-yet-necessary things like washing dishes and folding laundry. that said, he is a perfectionist, and he also has a lot of experience because his mom made him do chores all the time during the seven trillion times he was grounded while growing up (that’s his estimate, btw, so it may be slightly exaggerated. he was not an easy kid to raise. when your kid’s fuse is about a millimeter long and he has a tendency to literally blow up whenever he throws a fit, you end up with a lot of objects in your house that have been replaced at some point), so if you do actually manage to get him to do the chore, rest assured that chore is getting fucking DONE.

when he was very little he watched an Avengers Endgame-style All Might film where a bunch of bad guys attacked earth and various assorted heroes tried and failed to stop them. then at the climax of the film, All Might showed up and said “I am here”, and everyone got super pumped up and excited because they knew the heroes were going to win with All Might on their side. this scene remains Katsuki’s favorite scene in anything. not the fight -- just the moment where All Might shows up and grins and the audience knows right there and then that he’s going to win. this is the feeling that inspired his dream. he wants to be the one who shows up and everyone is like, “we’re good now; Katsuki is here.”

when he was six or seven he got into a big fight with an older boy over that scene because he said it was fake and that there was no way All Might could have beaten those guys in real life. Katsuki insisted he definitely would have because All Might never loses. the other boy replied that everyone loses sometimes. Katsuki kicked his ass and got suspended for a week.

ten years later, Katsuki watched All Might battle All for One at Kamino and realized two things. one, that the other boy was right and that anyone can lose. and two, that he, the one who had so proudly defended All Might back then, was going to end up being the reason why he finally lost.

for a long time afterwards, he couldn’t bring himself to watch that movie again.

when he and Izuku were three years old their moms sent them out on a first errand (google Hajimete no Otsukai if you’re unfamiliar with this tradition, I promise you it is the cutest fucking thing you’ll ever see) to buy ingredients for katsudon. Izuku was full of bouncy childish enthusiasm and could rattle off the full shopping list of ingredients front to back, but when the moment finally came his confidence wilted as soon as their parents were out of sight. Katsuki also had a moment of panic when they first rounded the corner and he couldn’t see his house anymore, but rallied once Izuku burst into tears and he realized that he had to be the one to take charge. he proceeded to morph into an absurdly over-the-top caricature of his own mother for the duration of the errand, to the point where in addition to telling Izuku to stop crying he also ordered him to stand up straight and tuck in his shirt. the two of them went on to complete the errand flawlessly and their moms were PROUD AS FUCK and took a billion pictures. Izuku and Katsuki have only a few scattered memories of this milestone in the present day but it’s enough to send both of them absolutely reeling with embarrassment whenever they’re reminded of it.

he and his mom don’t often get along but sometimes they’ll bond over roasting a mutual target. they have watched many a trashy reality TV show together for this purpose. Masaru lives for these moments but never comments on them lest he spoil the rare moments of peace.

Katsuki is perfectly capable of using keigo (i.e. normal polite Japanese with no rude language/cursing), otherwise he would not be one of the top students in his ivy-league high school. code-switching is a thing guys! anyways his teachers are aware of this, because all of his essays and homework assignments are written normally. he merely chooses to go about his daily business acting like a wannabe yakuza stereotype because that’s just his personality, and he’s not about to start censoring himself and acting like some weird little goody two shoes robot person just to please people he mostly doesn’t give two shits about. but if you put a gun to his head and told him you’d pull the trigger if he said “fuck”, he would probably be all right; he’d just have to concentrate.

when he was little he went through a phase of collecting cicada shells and leaving them EVERYWHERE -- in the bathroom sink, on his mom’s pillow, you name it. Mitsuki often tells people this is when she started getting gray hairs. one time she opened a box of cereal and there was one in there and a little bit of her soul died that day.

he generally doesn’t care who calls him Kacchan. it doesn’t particularly bother him and it never occurred to him to pretend like it did just for appearance’s sake. also secretly for some reason the thought of Deku ever calling him anything else really bothers him. he’s not sure what it would mean if that ever happened, or what he would do.

all of his workouts are designed to strengthen his arms and back and shoulders because those are the parts of his body that take the most abuse from his quirk. other than that he avoids building up excess muscle anywhere else because the more weight he puts on the harder it is to fly around. for this reason he is never going to end up being a big bulky guy like All Might. one day Deku is going to surpass him in muscle, but he doesn’t care because he’ll still be a match for him in firepower and speed.

he’s one of those kids who will not so much as take a sip of alcohol until he’s twenty-five. partly because he’s experienced enough concussions that he doesn’t particularly want to give hangovers a try, and partly because he’s a control freak and honestly afraid of getting drunk and making an idiot of himself somehow. the rowdier members of class A try virtually every trick in their wheelhouse and then some to try and persuade him over the years, but not even the reverse psychology “aw, don’t worry, it’s okay if you’re... scared :)” thing works, because that’s only actually effective when he secretly wants to do the thing.

then one day he just wakes up and is all “you know what, I’m gonna try it”, and for the next few days his google history is basically just “how many drinks does it take to get drunk” and “how to avoid getting drunk” and “how to prevent hangovers.” somehow word gets out through the grapevine (he probably told Todoroki, who is the one person in class A you’d think wouldn’t be a big ol’ gossip but in fact IS) that Bakugou is finally going to get his drink on that weekend, and pretty much EVERYONE shows up at the izakaya that Friday night excited as FUCK.

Katsuki proceeds to drink a grand total of two beers over the span of several hours, and drinks like five glasses of water in between, and literally nothing happens to him at all except that Kaminari almost fights him out of frustration. the rest of class A never fully gets over their disappointment.

he actually knows like 90% of class 1-A’s names by this point. there are still a few people he doesn’t and will never know, though. twenty years from now Aoyama will still be “that weird fucking french kid” in his mind.

he had no idea who Eri was until the Christmas party. sometimes he’d hear the other kids talking about someone named Eri, and from context clues he somehow ended up thinking it was one of Aizawa’s cats. when Eri came to the party he had a brief moment of curiosity wondering if she was Sensei’s niece or something, and then he heard someone say her name and he was all “THAT’S ERI?!” and his entire worldview was briefly shaken up.

he pulled Kirishima aside to ask him and Kirishima basically gave him Eri’s whole entire life story which was way more than he actually wanted to know. he’s now kind of terrified of ever being in the same room as her for fear of having to interact with her because he’s pretty sure he’d do or say the wrong thing. most of the time being intimidating is something he strives for and puts a lot of effort into, including when he’s around kids (who are basically just smaller, sloppier adults in his mind), but he doesn’t want to be the guy who scared an abused kid, so he basically just hopes the others will have enough common sense not to ever go “oh hey you know who should totally interact with each other?? Eri and Bakugou!”

that being said, if circumstances ever arose which forced Katsuki to protect Eri, the two of them would totally bond and they would have a really sweet relationship in which Eri looked up to him just like she looks up to Deku and Mirio and the rest, and where Katsuki was constantly trying to be on his best behavior around her, like genuinely, sincerely trying, and kind of failing at it a lot but still being sweet in a gruff sort of restrained-disaster way.

...and after sitting there for a while trying to think of more I couldn’t come up with any so I guess that’s it! basically most of my headcanons are about how secretly boring Katsuki is. honestly if it weren’t for him having the vocabulary of a 52-year-old sailor whose foot was caught in a bear trap, he and Iida would probably be best friends.

#bnha #boku no hero academia #bakugou katsuki #bnha meta #bakugou meta #bnha headcanons #don't think there're any spoilers here except for the detail about his pants in 219 lol #sorry if I have spoiled anyone for that #makeste reads bnha #asks #anon asks #long post #oh whoops it was actually 218 my bad just edited #wait a second the christmas party is spoilers isn't it lol whoops #bnha spoilers #there we go

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nad-zeta · 4 years ago

Note

hi i love you single mom!MC headcanon!! If you can and have the time, can you make a continuation with the rest of the suitors? It's so cute. 💞

Anon: I’ve read your HC of single mother Mc with son and i really loved it 🤧🤧💖💖💖 so i was wondering if you could do it too for Arthur, Mozart, and Dazai? It will means alot for me, thanks 💖💖

（＾3＾）~♪ Hi hi loves Thank you so so much for the request! I’m so happy u guys like the first 2 I did, legit makes my day! So just a side note these last vamp boi I know the least well of the lot, so I’m sorry if it is not as good! Also, I already did Arthur so feel free to check that one out on my Mastelist! Love ya guys, and I hope you have the best day!

Single mom MC: Jean, Mozart, Dazai, Shakespear and Sabastian

Sabastian

The first moment you walk through the door and Sabastian spots the child clinging to your leg, he does an internal sigh (´Д｀)

It hard enough cleaning up after grown men all day, but throw a child into the mix.....

Only what Sebastian didn’t know was that, instead of having to clean up after the two new people, he had actually gained two new helpers to aid him in his duties

Your son was a bit of a perfectionistic neat freak and honestly hated disorder

You had a mini heart attack when you woke up that moring to find your son missing ゞ◎Д◎ヾ

You ran around the mansion frantically looking for him ᕕ(╯°□°)ᕗ

Only to spot him and the butler sitting together polishing the silverware for breakfast (◕ᴥ◕)

When the boy spotted you, he ran up to you with the biggest smile “Mother, mother look, Sabastian is teaching me how to clean the silverware” (｡◕‿◕｡)

“Is that so, I do hope he is not exploiting you and making you clean it all on your own” ⚆ _ ⚆

To that Sabastian simply flicked you on the forehead “I would never.”

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Honestly, Sabastian was thankful for the extra hands and he found that with the two of you helping him out, things got done a lot quicker and he had much more free time (▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿)

Your son absolutely loved helping Sabastian and often while they cleaned he would play his favourite song 〜(꒪꒳꒪)〜

It was during those rare times that the stoic butler actually smiled ( ͡ᵔ ͜ʖ ͡ᵔ )

You walked into a scene of Sabastian and your son singing at the top of their lungs and dancing as they made breakfast （＾3＾）~♪

The second Sabastian spotted you spying at them from the doorway, he dragged you into the kitchen to join the fun ヾ(⌐■_■)ノ♪

You couldn’t help but smile at this new goofy side of Sabastian dancing with the broomstick as he swept the floor （ーoー)♪

You son stood on a chair in front of the stove using the spatula as a mic, while he sang and flipped pancakes (☆￢o)q

The three of you were always together (｡◕‿◕｡)

Whether it was going shopping for supplies or sitting late nights sipping on wine and polishing cutlery it was always a good time (=^_^=)

You had come to really enjoy Sabastians dry sense of humour

Your son couldn’t help but smile as his mother and favourite butler laughing while joking around and washing the dishes ✿◕ ‿ ◕✿

He sent up a secret prayer in hopes that soon Sabastion wouldn't just be a butler but be his new father (人◕ω◕)

Mozart

The second you walk into the dining room with your child hiding behind you, Mozarts signed ｜−・;）

“That’s just great, do you know how filthy children are, they are the main carriers of bacteria and germs.” (；一ω一||)

Mozart DOES NOT LIKE KIDS (／‵Д′)／~ ╧╧

In his eyes, they are just messy nuances

Despite the harsh words from the pianist you and your son received a warm welcome from the other residents

That night as you were sound asleep (๑ᵕ⌓ᵕ̤)

Your son woke up abruptly from a horrible nightmare (◯Δ◯∥)

Before he shook you awake, he heard a melody in the distance

(๑>ᴗ<๑) （＊＾ω＾）♪

He climbed down from the bed, and two tiny feet followed the sound of the music ε=٩(●❛ö❛)۶

Your son stood in front of a big door

He gently pushed it open and peeked through the cracks

｜。・）

That’s when he saw Mozart absolutely absorbed in his musicヾ(⌐■_■)ノ♪

He stood in the doorway and stared at him in awe ~(˘▾˘~)

Slowly and quietly the little boy made his way in the room to get a better listen

┬┴┬┴┤(･_├┬┴┬┴

Soon he found himself sitting right beside Mozart (｡◕‿‿◕｡)

When the last note of the melody echoed off the walls, Mozart looked down in shock and horror to see the little thing sleeping on his lap (ʘᗩʘ')

He sat and stared at the boy in horror, he was paralyzed and not sure what to do (ʘ言ʘ╬)

He then decided to pick the boy up and take him back to your room

But as he cradled the boy in his arms the little thing seemed to cuddle up to him (◠‿◠✿)

This absolutely melted Mozarts heart (>人<)

He rolled his eyes and tucked the boy into his own bed, he got in next to the child. he carefully made a pillow barrier between them

That morning Mozart woke up to little boy cuddled up next to him

(´∩｡• ᵕ •｡∩`) ♡

The boy was kinda cute

It was at that moment Mozard gave one of his rare smile, perhaps the child isn’t as bad as he thought (◕ω◕✿)

He taught the boy how to play the piano

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

Most afternoons he sat beside Mozart and would watch as he played

Just as your son had quickly taken a liking to the pianist, so have you

Often you would sit in the music room with your son cradled in your arms just listening to the beautiful melodies produced (^_^♪)

Everyone in the mansion would know when you or your son was with Mozart as his music would change from dark and moody to light and airy, romantic even ♫꒰･◡･๑꒱

Slowly but surely Mozart let his guard down and let you and the boy into his heart and it wasn't long before the two of you were in a relationship

He would often carry the boy around on his shoulder wherever he went

Mozart still didn't like children but your son had seemed to break down the walls around his heart, and Mozart couldn't help but take up the role as the boy's father

“Momo, come quick Napoleon made pancakes for breakfast and if you don’t hurry theo is gonna eat them all up.” (◕‿◕✿)

Mozart would just about do anything to make you and the boy happy

It had become a new tradition for the boy to wake Mozart up every morning to eat breakfast together with you and him

“We can’t have that now can we little, Maus.”

(ㅇㅅㅇ❀)

Often you and your son will be cuddled up to Mozart in the music room while he plays the two of you a nighttime melody. (*^.^*)

Dazai

Dazai spent the better part of your stay avoiding you and your son

He didn’t want to dim your bright, pure lights with his dark past

But like a moth to a flame, he couldn’t get away from the bright, innocent light, the two of you omitted (◕‿◕✿)

You son instantly took a liking to Dazai, the first time he saw the man jump through the window to greet the two of you he was in awe

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

“Wow you are so cool, window man! Can you teach me to climb through windows like that.” (｡◕‿◕｡)

Cue your heart-stopping in your chest (ʘ‿ʘ)

Where ever Dazai was, your son wasn’t far behind, he pestered the poor writer 24/7 (◕▿◕✿)

The two of them often teamed up to pull pranks on the castle residents, i.e. Arthur

“Hey hey window man you know what would be hilarious, if we replace Arthurs shampoo with syrup.” (¬‿¬)

Cue the two of them snickered at the breakfast table, as all that can be heard is the mystery writer scream from the shower

(☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞ ☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜)

Dazai didn’t even realize it, but soon his sad smile had turned into a genuine smile whenever you or your son was near ( ͡ᵔ ͜ʖ ͡ᵔ )

The two of you cuties had successfully pulled Dazai out of the dark shadow of his past with your goofy shenanigans ੭•̀ω•́)੭̸*✩⁺˚

As you see your son got his mischievous playful streak from you

As it wasn't just your son who would team up with the writer to cause a bit of trouble (¬‿¬)

What was the day Dazai knew he had just found his new family well that’s simple..

One day your boy came bursting into your room “Mommy, Mommy, I know how we can make window man super happy.” (｡◕‿◕｡)

You tilted your head quizzically as your boy laid out the plan

That morning the two of you had gotten up at the crack of dawn to set your plan into motion!

Dazai had woken up to the little scamp jumping on top of him “Window man. I have a surprise for you.” (｡v_v｡)

“Nooooo just 5 more minutes” Dazai rolled over and pulled the blanket over his head

This made the boy jump up and down on the bed while smacking Dazai with a soft pillow, “Wake up, wake up, wake up, your breakfast is going to get cold” (　･ω･)っ≡つ

Dazai cracked a smile and then grabbed the boy in his arms and started tickling him ( ﾟヮﾟ)

Your son was beaming with pride as he led Dazai to the big willow tree in a secluded part of the garden (▰˘◡˘▰)

The boy then started to climb up, “Come on, breakfast is going to get cold if you don’t hurry.” ◔ ⌣ ◔

Dazai couldn’t help but beam at the little boy,

He climbed up the tree behind the boy and noticed a treehouse at the top which hadn't there before �(ﾟ□ﾟ*川

He entered into the house, and his breath caught in his throat

The walls were painted in the colours of the bright pink sakura tree, and in the centre of the small room laid a feast with his favourite miso soup

He didn’t know If he wanted to laugh or cry, the whole setup reminded him of home and the soup tasted just like his mother’s soup ≧☉_☉≦

He pulled you into his arms and kissed your cheek, never had anyone ever done something so thoughtful for him

Since then the treehouse became a sort of safe-haven where the three of you would spend time together plotting your next prank, reading books or just chatting ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ

One night as he read his latest poem to you and your son, he looked down to see the two of you fast asleep (︶｡︶✽)

He kisses both of you on the forehead and looked out the window into the calm night sky, and he thanked the universe for sending him these two extortionary people into his life

The light of his life, his new family (っ˘з(˘⌣˘ )

Jean

Jean hadn’t been there to meet the two of you when you arrived

He had arrived back to the mansion late that night to a buzz

He felt unsettled and decided to find Napoleon to ask for a sparring match

You son woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t fall back asleep

(๑ᵕ⌓ᵕ̤)

He was a bright-eyed curious child, he took one look at your sleeping face, smiled and climbed down the bed to go and explore his new surroundings

(◠‿◠✿)

He wandered around the castle in awe of everything {*≧∀≦}

He spotted a room that still had its lights on, he was curious to see who was awake at this late hour, so he snuck his way up to the door

(｡◕‿◕｡)

He cracked it open slightly to see two men fencing inside ｜ｏ゜）

He was awestruck, he quietly walked in and sat down watching the two men fight

̿̿ ̿'̿'\̵͇̿̿\з= ( ▀ ͜͞ʖ▀) =ε/̵͇̿̿/’̿’̿ ̿ ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿̿

When the sparring match was over the boy excitingly raced up to Jean and bounced up and down (⁎˃ᆺ˂)

“wow, you are soo cool, can you teach me how to fight like that, omw is that an eye patch, are you a pirate.” ﾐ☆( *uωu人)+ﾟ.

He asked question after question, not even giving poor Jean a chance to respond ( ⚆ _ ⚆ )

Napoleon came up to the two and put his had on Jeans shoulder and ask if he would like Jean to teach him to fight

The boy nodded profusely “Please, please, please, please, please.”

Poor Jean didn’t stand a change between the excited little boy with stars in his eyes and the charismatic emperor (ʘ‿ʘ)

Jean thought himself a monster, he didn’t want to taint the bright, pure little boy, so the next morning he decided he was going to tell you and the boy to say faaaaar away from him

Or that was his intention, but how on earth did he now land up in this position, the little scamp was now before him, dressed in a full fencing outfit swishing around Napoleon's sword

(´・ω・)っI

“h-hey stop you are going to hurt yourself.” (>ლ)

At that, the boy stopped, and all his attention was now on Jean, despite being terrified he still patiently taught the boy how to fence

And after the lesson, Jean walked into the dining room with your son on his back, laughing in delight \ (•◡•) /

Your son had pestered Jean into giving him a piggyback ride

At the sight of pancakes your son jumped off of jeans back and ran to investigate the spread of food on the table ┗(^o^　)┓三

Jean tiredly slid into one of the chairs, the little boy was definitely a boundless ball of energy just bouncing around from one thing to the next

You poured Jean a cup of coffee and placed his breakfast in front of him, and thank him for keeping your son busy while you helped out Sabastian

“mademoiselle, I urge you and your son to stay far away from a monster such as my-“

ヾ(￣o￣;)

Before he could even finish his sentence your son now sat himself down on Jean’s lap and started pilling his plate full of pancakes (◕▿◕✿)

“Mamma mamma, have you met my super nice friend yet, his name is Jean.” ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ

“He's gonna show me how to fight and be super cool just like him”

You chuckled and sat across from the two and chatted with the shy man

Your son freaken loved Jean and followed him around wherever he went

Honestly, you had also taken a liking to the shy man, although it wasn’t until you and your son spotted him in church, that you really started spending time together (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞ ☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜)

After church the three of you would go to a café and have breakfast together, this had become a sort of tradition

Soon You and Jean had fallen in love

(◍•ᴗ•◍)♡ ✧*。

Jean never thought a monster like himself could fall in love yet here he was with you cradled in his arms, as your son ran around chasing around Arthurs dog ⊂(･ω･*⊂)

One night, your son had a nightmare and he immediately made his way to Jean’s room

HE climbed up onto the bed and shook him awake, tears streaming down his face

๐·°(৹˃̵﹏˂̵৹)°·๐

“I- I had a nightmare, can I please stay with you.” Beady eyes stared pleadingly up at Jean (つ﹏<)･ﾟ｡

“But I am a monster, you should be afraid of me.” (≖͞_≖̥)

Your son cradled jeans face in his hands “No, you are the nicest person I know, and i-i hope one day you will be my papa.” ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ

Shakespear

The first time you two cuties meets the poet is when you visit him with Vincent

Honestly, you were a long time fan of Shakespear so you were super excited to meet the poet ＼(^o^)／

Honestly, Shakespear had to cover his eyes cause the sight of his dearest friend and 2 new guests beaming at him, it was simply too bright to look at

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *ヽ(◕ヮ◕ヽ)

He invited the three of you in and honestly you were so excited

“oooh dear me it seems I have run out of tea”, before he could even finish his sentence Vincent was already offering to go and buy more (◕‿◕✿)

Once Vincent left, you and the Shakespear sat down and conversed in some light conversation (ᵔᴥᵔ)

Your son had gone off to explore Shakespeare home when all of a sudden he appeared out of nowhere with a ball of fluff in his arms (ㅇㅅㅇ❀)

“Mommy mommy, look what I found, a cute fluffy bunny” U｡･.･｡U

Shakespear honestly was shocked, his little rabbit would never let anyone get within 2 feet of him, let alone be carried by them ◉_◉

The bunny cuddled up in your son's arms and the look, of pure bliss on your sons, face brought a sweet smile to yours ( ͡ᵔ ͜ʖ ͡ᵔ )

When Shakespeare saw that smile grace your face he lost his heart there and then

(⋈◍＞◡＜◍)。✧♡

Since that day you and your son would often visit the poet and have some tea with him

Shakespeare always felt the need to cause trouble, he loved tragedies after all, but when it came to you and the boy he couldn’t bring himself to bring either of you pain or despair ლ(･ω･*ლ)

Your boy love loved loved Shakespear and not just because he had a pet bunny (▰˘◡˘▰)

Often you would drop him off at Shakespear for the day, while you and Sabastian would do the mansions shopping

Shakespeare couldn’t help but crack a found smile at the boy chasing the rabbit around his home ｡◕‿◕｡

Your son loved visiting Shakespear, as often they both dressed up and reversed the lines for Shakespeare’s new plays ლ,ᔑ•ﺪ͟͠•ᔐ.ლ

THB the two of them goofing around in random outfits actually inspired many new plays （ ´థ౪థ）

After your shopping trip, you would walk into Shakespeare’s home to the sight of both of them wearing ridiculous costumes, with your little boy snuggled up in Shakespears lap fast asleep, as Shakespear reads to him the newest play’s plot (︶｡︶✽)

Shakespear smile at you and beckons you closer

You cuddle up beside him and rest your head in the crook of his neck

“I see the two fo you had some fun today.” (◠‿◠✿)

“The little rascal keeps me on my toes, that’s for sure” (✿◠‿◠)

Shakespear gives you a sweet kiss and then recites his newest poem to you professing his undying love for both you and the lil boy nestled up in his arms ♡｡ﾟ.(*♡´‿` 人´‿` ♡*)ﾟ♡ °・

I hope you guys enjoyed it! And I hope you have a good day! (｡◕‿◕｡)

#ikemen vampire headcanons #headcanon ikemen #ikemen vampire #ikemen vampire jean #jean d'arc #ikevamp jean #ikemen vampire sebastian #ikemen sebastian #ikevam shakespeare #ikemen vampire shakespeare #william shakespeare #ikevam dazai #ikemen vampire dazai #dazai #ikevamp dazai

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swamp-lemonade · 4 years ago

Note

Hi helloooo, you mentioned a swap au? 😇

HAHA I GOT SOME TIME AND IM NOT EXHAUSTED I CAN FINALLY WILL MY BRAIN TO TALK ABOUT THIS.

Okay so hear me out

This may be very self-indulgent

And definitely not just me fucking with the relationship dynamics

But I lov

So here we go

First off, it’s modern and a community college thing (totally not projecting about the fact I’m going to a community college haha)

Crutchie:

Very punk aesthetic

Like leather jackets with studs, goth punk man

Likes to pretend he’s a badass with no emotions

Although will back down at the first sight of confrontation

He a coward

Honestly has some issues he should talk out with someone

But he thinks he’s too cool for that (spoiler alert, he’s not)

Dating both Jack and Davey and lowkey melts for both of them

Davey:

A confident, one brain cell, fuck boy

Probably was in at least 3 different sports

One of them was definitely soccer

Wears his letterman from HS with pride babey

Would absolutely end a persons life for his siblings

Doesn’t have a good relationship with his parents and very rarely talks to them

Pretty much only goes back home to hang with Les and see how he’s doing

Also the guy who’ll throw his arm around you and make you feel included and like you’re One of the Guys™️ even if you don’t know him all that well

Loves his boyfriends with all his heart and consistently leaves them cute little notes

Jack:

Man’s a mess

Flusters easily, and cannot flirt to save his life

Such a nerd

You know that song “Stupid with Love” from Mean Girls? Yeah.

Will info dump if you give him the chance

Working really hard to make a difference in the world, and wants to protect the people he loves

Also carries around a small plush rabbit on a keychain that Race bought for him

All around oblivious, sweet guy

Sara:

Won’t Shut Up™️

Super hyper and pumped up and has more energy than the entire group combined

Def squeals when something makes her really happy

However, absolutely will fuck your shit up

Professor being an asshole to her friends or classmates? “Oops how did you end up with all your tires flat? Idk who’d do that.”

When some asshole’s stuff is fucked up, they are pretty sure it’s her, but they don’t have any evidence to back them up

Super into graffiti that makes a statement

Has also gotten into more fights than anyone in the group cares to count honestly

Also doesn’t have a great relationship with her parents

But would do anything for her brothers, no questions asked

Katherine:

Quiet

Only speaks when she really has to, but she makes sure her opinions are known

Won’t let people walk all over her in the slightest

The emo girl that’ll glare at you no matter what you do

Also likes to Fuck Shit Up™️

But is also really fucking nice

She volunteers at several different places around the city

Joins Sara on graffiti runs

Has an okay relationship with her dad, but still doesn’t like how fast he got over her mother’s death

Has been friends with Spot since she was little, and is def protective of him

Spot

“You know what goes great with everything? Pastel.”

Absolutely the soft boy your parents warned you about

Wears those glitter filled bracelets because “I like how the glitter moves when you move”

Bouncy and happy

But VERY emotional

Once cried because “Snowmen just DIE Katherine!”

Knows how to take care of himself! And still very strong

Has a great relationship with his mom and goes back home at every holiday

Uses a LOT of punctuation when he texts (i.e “!!!!!!!!” And “,,,,,,,”)

Race

Shy as hell

Hates when people talk to him and always styles his hair in a way that hides half his face

Wears a hoodie and def pulls the strings so you can’t see him when he’s embarrassed

Soft, quiet voice

Will boost his friends up before he would ever think about boosting himself up

Wants the best for everyone

Someone to talk to who’ll just be there for you and tell you you’re gonna be okay

Tall friend hugs are a special thing he only gives out to his closest friends

Jack’s little brother, and closest friend

Aaa sorry this was so long I just!! Lov them!! And it’s not super fleshed out yet, still kinda a work in progress, but I also have designs for most of them! Curse me not knowing enough about bad ass punk fashion! But yea! This is what I got for now :)

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hellsbellschime · 5 years ago

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I'm still not in the mood to see it. You are the first person that didn't liked it , everyone I know is like 'YOU HAVE TO WATCH IT. NOW'. What did you find wrong? (I don't mind spoilers)

Holy fuck sit the fuck back homie because there is not one thing I liked about that movie and the more I’m thinking about it the more that I hate it.

I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen something this on the nose

Like in order to establish OH MY GOD HE’S A LUNATIC in the first few minutes they show him in a white room banging his head on the window

He’s supposed to be delusional which they use as an excuse to write things in the shittiest way imaginable i.e. the most on the nose dialog you’ve ever seen to explain what the fuck is happening or including scenes that make absolutely no sense and have nothing to do with anything that they never explain because THIS GUY’S CRAZY

The representation of people with mental illness is horrific

The representation of people who have been abused is horrific

The representation of people who have been adopted is horrific

Arthur is like repeatedly beaten up by people really violently for no real reason?

He has this neurological condition that makes him laugh hysterically at inappropriate times SO YOU CAN IMAGINE HOW THAT GOES

At one point he murders people in the most hilariously over the top way and it’s so weird

One of his coworkers gives him a gun as a way to set him up to be fired from their clown agency because that’s a thing that makes sense?

Arthur brings the gun to a children’s cancer ward when he’s giving a performance and he drops the gun so this weird plot to get him fired actually does work?

When Arthur gets fired he’s on the phone in a phone booth and once again bashes his head into the glass hard enough to shatter it BECAUSE IN CASE YOU DIDN’T KNOW HE’S CRAZY

He gives his non disabled mom a sponge bath and sleeps in the same bed as her?

At one point he throws all of his shit in the refrigerator on to his kitchen floor and just gets into the refrigerator, and then they cut to him just in his bed chilling because I guess WE REALLY NEED TO KNOW HE’S CRAZY

His mom tells him that Thomas Wayne is his father and he goes to Wayne Manor and has a run in with Bruce and Alfred and in this world Alfred is like super jacked but nearly gets choked out by a 100lb Joaquin Phoenix

He later confronts Thomas Wayne in the bathroom of a fancy movie theater and after Thomas explains that Arthur is actually adopted and his mom is also WITH A CAPITAL C CRAZY Thomas just punches him in the face?

He idolizes this Jay Leno style talk show host and is an aspiring comedian, and someone records him bombing at an open mic and they play it on the fake Leno show to make fun of him and like don’t even make jokes about it, it’s just hahahahaha let’s laugh at the loser

He goes on this show later in full clown makeup and confesses to killing three yuppie dudes on the subway on live TV and instead of stopping the interview the Jay Leno character just keeps interviewing him and gets pretty combative

And then SPOILER ALERT Arthur shoots him in the face on live TV

This character is played by Robert DeNiro, who played Travis Bickle in Taxi Driver, who was the obvious inspiration for Arthur, IN CASE YOU DIDN’T GET THE REFERENCE

There is a dwarf who worked at the clown agency, and after Arthur kills his own mother he and the dude who set him up come to see if Arthur is doing okay and he lets them in and locks the door with a chain lock

Arthur unsurprisingly kills the dude who set him up by stabbing him in the face with scissors and caving his head in

Arthur doesn’t want to kill the dwarf man so he lets him go, but the dwarf man can’t reach the lock so Arthur let him out, and the only apparent purpose of this gag is HAHAHAHA DWARF MAN

The killer clown becomes some kind of folk hero and symbol of the class stratification in Gotham

So everyone riots in clown makeup and identical clown masks

Arthur is arrested after committing murder on live TV

He’s taken into custody but the cop car he’s in gets hit by an ambulance that has been stolen by the rioting clowns

When he’s recognized they pull him out of the car and like lay his unconscious body on top of it, and when he wakes up he stands up and they’re all like cheering for him

Because of the accident he’s bleeding in the mouth, and he puts his fingers in his mouth and smears the blood on his face into a clown smile

It cuts to him in the mental asylum laughing, and the lady who’s talking to him asks what’s so funny, and he’s just like OH YOU WOULDN’T GET IT

And then it cuts to him walking out of the room but his footprints are bloody, implying that he killed her or something?

And end movie

AND THIS IS JUST ALL OF THE AWFULNESS THAT I CAN THINK OF OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD. I honestly can’t think of a dumber, weirder, more unpleasant movie that I’ve seen in the past few years, I’m fucking astounded that so many people love it so much. And I saw it with my mom and she was similarly disgruntled about it.

#anti joker #Anonymous

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captainjonnitkessler · 4 years ago

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Does anyone wanna hear about the absolute mess of family drama I’ve been embroiled in for the last year

(long post below the cut)

The Incident:

So last August I was at a family party, a dinner for my grandmother’s birthday. I’m hanging out in the family room with my uncle, his girlfriend, and my aunt. I’ve been trying to leave for twenty minutes but I came with my mom who’s busy showing my cousin something, so I’m waiting for her to finish when I hear my uncle say in regards to his daughter’s doctor (that he hates, because she was chosen by his daughter’s mother, which is a Whole Thing) - “No, she’s Indian. Fuckin’ terrorist, with one of those little dots on her forehead. It’ll give me something to aim at, at least.”

And everyone else in the room just kind of nods along, and I’m like “uhh what the fuck is wrong with you?” And he looks absolutely surprised and says “what?” To which my aunt responds “Well, that wasn’t a very nice thing to say.” And I’m like “no, it’s a horrible thing to say, you can’t just call all Indian people terrorists”.

My uncle responded “What do you think I did for five years in Iraq?” (*now we don’t have time to unpack ALL that.jpg*)

Now I was pretty fucking shocked, and I hate hate hate hate hate confrontation. At this point my adrenaline skyrocketed, I felt shaky and sick and wasn’t super sure of what I was saying. I said something along the lines of “fuck the military and fuck you”, and he said “who do you think you are to talk to me like that? I’ll kick your ass!” but by this point I was on my way out of the house. I said terse goodbyes to the rest of the family and left with my mom who followed me out.

The general family reaction was that I way overreacted and was out of line to talk to my uncle like that. There was a lot of “well, he shouldn’t have said that, but that wasn’t the time or place to bring it up”, etc.

And I DO wish I’d handled it a little better! But I was in absolute shock at the time and then my hatred of confrontation kicked in and I wasn’t thinking super straight so yeah, I caused a bit of a scene but like . . . he threatened to MURDER a woman for her religion. So I feel like maybe one of those is worse!!

The Aftermath:

For a week afterward, my mom and I didn’t see or speak to anyone in my extended family. Which is weird, because my mom calls my grandmothers every couple of days at minimum to check up on them, and even after over a week of radio silence not a single person called my mom to check up on HER.

When she did finally start calling them again, she told them that we were not going to be attending any event that my uncle was also attending (i.e., all of them). They were FURIOUS.

They told her that we were tearing the family apart, that we were overreacting, that we need to respect his right to his opinion - all that. After that, a couple of my aunts called my mom to try and talk her into reconciling with my uncle, which she staunchly refused on the grounds of my uncle has ALWAYS been violent and racist and she’s sick of the family making excuses for him.

Worth noting: to this day, not a single goddamned person in the family has called, texted, or otherwise contacted me in any way. Not when it happened, not to get my version of events, not to check in, absolutely nothing. Everything has gone through my mom, despite the fact that she wasn’t even part of the original incident and while she was very supportive of me, it was my initial decision to leave and to not go back to other family events.

I still haven’t spoken to anyone in the family, with the exception of going to brunch with my grandmother a couple times, wherein she tried to guilt us into sweeping it all under the rug. A lot of “Of COURSE he’s not racist, he has friends of lots of different colors! He’s not homophobic just bc he supports Trump, his best friend is a lesbian!” My mom and I both tried explaining that supporting Trump means throwing marginalized people under the bus by default but they just called us close-minded and told us we had to accept his opinion if we want them to accept ours. We refused and shortly after the pandemic started and we stopped seeing them anyway, as my great-grandmother is immunocompromised.

Now:

It’s largely been a moot point since the pandemic hit, but my great-grandmother is turning 85 and really wants the entire family there. Now, I’m not going anyway because I work in a hospital and I’m not going to a large gathering for an immunocompromised person during an ongoing pandemic (you absolute dumbasses), but I wasn’t going to go in any case because it’s almost certain my family will be talking shit about the BLM protesters and I’m gonna start another fight if I hear that. So tbh I think my family’s a little relieved I’m not going after all.

But my sister just told my other sister that she thinks we’re overreacting, that we “have to accept that people have different opinions” and we “can’t keep attacking everyone who doesn’t think exactly like us”. And I am getting so sick and fucking tired of explaining that there is not like, a base level of racism I’m gonna ignore. There’s not a line that’s like “ok after this point it’s acceptable to call someone out on their racism”. That line is set at 0, okay, it’s 2020, I’m not gonna hold their fucking hands and walk them through “and this is why we don’t threaten to murder people with a different skin color or religion”. This wasn’t “we disagreed about where the city should allocate funds in this year’s budget”, this was a violent racist talking about murdering a woman he disagreed with.

I’m not gonna attend events with a violently racist and sexist asshole and just kind of pretend I’m cool with it. (Also I don’t know for sure if he’s transphobic but I know for a fact he doesn’t think NB identities are real. And since I just came out to my family I don’t wanna deal with that bullshit.) And I don’t know. Maybe I should go and just keep calling people out on whatever bullshit I hear. Maybe I should try harder to educate my family on why I’m mad and why that sort of thing is unacceptable. But I really, really don’t think they’re willing to hear me.

And I feel really bad because I know family is SUPER important to my grandparents, but . . . it’s really not to me. I’d rather hang out with my friends who love and support me for real than my family who “accepts” me as long as they can ignore me. And again: not one single person has bothered to call me in the 10 months since this happened, so how much could they actually care that I’m not there?

And so that’s all my family drama, and if anyone has read this far thank you for reading, I just really wanted to vent about All This.

#racism cw #violence cw #we are coming up on an entire year of this bullshit and i'm Over It #this doesn't even cover all of it my sister that doesn't suck is going through a whole side plot with the other half of the family

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charlies-crashcourses · 5 years ago

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Charlie’s College Crash Course #1: How to write a 10-page paper in 1 day

Background info first: I’m in the last year of my English undergrad degree and I’ve had to write at least 3 dozen 10+ page papers in that time. That being said, I’ve never once started writing a paper more than a few days in advance, and 9 times out of 10 I go for one day only. Honestly, this should be considered my trademark at this point because after all my high school AP courses and my English degree, it’s been going on 7 years of 1 day papers.

and so, dear friends, I would like to pass on this skill to you all. I should mention, none of this will work if you’re not already pretty solid on paper writing, i.e. if you only ever get C’s on your papers now this isn’t magically going to get you up to an A with one day. This is just to streamline the process, allowing for more time for other things or, more commonly, allowing you to not freak the fuck out when you realize the deadline is tonight at midnight and you’ve procrastinated all month on the final paper for your class.

(I should also mention that I’m currently procrastinating a 2.5k word paper due tomorrow night that I’ve only read one of two books for, so. There’s that.)

Anyway, without further ado, here we fucking go:

Step 1: Prep for the Day

this is going to be a marathon, not a sprint, so make sure you prep the day accordingly. Ideally, you’d wake up before noon, make sure there’s nothing else planned for the day, and tell your roommates/parents to leave you alone until you officially reemerge at midnight (or, if you’re in college and have a 24 hr library, try going there. Mine has closed off study rooms that I can chill in, but if you’rs doesn’t just find a relatively comfy quiet spot). If you’re at home, pick one spot, clear it off super quick, grab some snacks and energy drinks, make sure you have everything charged and ready to go. I don’t recommend cafes or the like simply because there’s lots of distractions and also those places close before midnight, so you can’t stay there the entire time and therefor waste time moving halfway through.

Also, I would recommend taking a break between all the steps after this one. Don’t let the break take too long, but just long enough to walk the block, or grab another snack, or do some stretches, or watch a ten minute video, something like that. I personally never break at a natural stopping point, because then I’ll never get back to it, but how you break is up to you.

Step 2: Preliminary Research

now normally I do some preliminary research beforehand. Basically looking into the topic, figuring out generally what resources would be best, etc. That can usually be done in five to ten minute bursts throughout the week or so before the due date, whenever the topic comes to mind.

But then again, I’ve also procrastinated that until the very end as well, so. Usually all that takes if you go for the day of is some quick google scholar searches, or if you have access to the MLA database that works as well. Or, if you’re more like me, you could just deep dive on wikipedia and check out what relevant facts pertain to what numbers in the bibliography, then go ahead and cite those wherever possible.

Basically, get a good base knowledge of the big facts. This step should be quick and dirty. For instance, for my paper my sophomore year on Robespierre (14 pages written in a record 6 hours) I combed through his wiki, some websites on the French Revolution, and watched the Crash Course youtbue video on the subject. The rest of the research was done after I did my first outline.

Step 3: Outline #1

This is just a basic “What the fuck am I talking about” outline. It can be bullet points, numbers, stream of consciousness, i don’t care as long as it works for you.

For the Robespierre paper, my first outline was something to the effect of: -born poor -school -elected to govt -took over govt -killed people -got killed

and that was it. It’s like, before you build a house you have to clear off the right amount of land, make sure there’s nothing in your way, and give yourself a vague area in which to build. Super simple stuff.

I did get some advice, from somewhere I can’t remember, that a paragraph is basically equal to half a page, and so (excluding one page length for your intro + conclusion) you should have around two paragraphs or ideas per page. So my outline above would need some more points, there, to keep me on track for my page count. I eventually added a whole paragraph about how he was chosen to read for a visiting King Louis at his school and was then ignored which made him hate the monarchy, and another about what happened after he died what with the government in shambles, etc etc. So two bullet points per page should do it.

Step 4: More Research

This is where you get a little more in depth. Look at your bullet points and learn everything you need to about them.

For my first bullet, I found stuff like: “Robespierre was born in France in 1758 as Maximilien François Marie Isidore de Robespierre (the third of this name), to a lawyer and the daughter of a brewer, he had two siblings, and he could read by age eight. he also loved pigeons and started a lifelong feud with his sister over one that he gave her that she let die."

and then I would move on to the next bullet point, and so on and so forth, filling in the gaps. Make sure to keep track of where your info comes from, as well. It doesn’t have to be a full citation, but just the hyperlink after the fact is going to save you so much time, i promise

Pro Tip: don’t throw out anything as irrelevant just yet. Just gather all the facts, no judging. Trust me on this.

Step 5: Better Outline

this is where you start to have fun with it. I would like to remind you that no one, unless you have some crazy micromanaging professor, sees your outlines. This is for you and you only, so write it in whatever way makes sense to you. It can be colorful and fun and whatever you need it to be.

I actually took screenshots of my outline for that robespierre paper (hence why i chose that one as an example) so here’s a look at what I do:

so, really, honestly, as shitty as you need this to be, or as many jokes, or whatever works for you my dude. Explain it like you would if it were a story you were telling, not a biographical/argumentative paper. Get informal with it.

Step 6: Write the Damn Thing

Okay to now that you did the research and wrote your fun outlines and all that, all you have to do now is write it! I tend to do this in the same doc as I do my outline, but starting again from the top so I can see what I need to add next right under where I’m typing, then delete it once I’ve covered the material.

If you did your outline well, this is really just cleaning that up so it’s “school appropriate” and “not an affront to people’s eyes and sensibilities” or whatever. At this point, it should go super quick, maybe 2 hours max to finish up writing what you need to write, here.

Pro Tip: do your citations as you go. Better yet, make your bibliography first so that A its already done and B you know what your in text cites will be from the start so that you don’t have to add them in later. If you kept your hyperlinks next to your research, just open up citationmachine and get those cites, then replace the links in your outline with the actual citations so it’s easier to line them up with in text cites while you go

Step 7: Fudging

oh, you thought we were done after writing the paper? nah fam. Chances are, you didn’t hit the page count you wanted to, you’re probably around 1 full page short, unless you love long sentences. This is where my pro tip from all the way back on step 4 comes in.

First, before you do anything drastic, make sure your formatting is correct. If your prof wants the big long “name, date, class, assignment, etc” in the top left then that adds a lot of length. Fonts will also change your page length, and so will footnotes and citations.

If you did it right and saved all the less relevant details, congratulations! Just sprinkle a few of those in there and you’re magically at your page count. This is the only reason I included the pigeon story in my paper (and this post), because I was about 3/4 of a page short of passably saying I got to 14.

If you didn’t save those inane details, don’t go looking for them now. Trust me, it’s much more pain than it’s worth. Your best bet, then, would be to either A. Add one more point if you can think one up, B. do some more research for relevant details to add in, or C. expand on the details you already have with more examples or effects or whatever applies.

do not, i repeat do NOT, just try and expand the words you use, like changing “to” into “in order to” or whatever those deflate your phrases charts tell you Not to do. They tell you not to for a reason. 1. it sounds stupid adding them in after the fact, and 2. your professor absolutely 100% will know and will mark you down if you do that in excess. Inflated phrase charts like that are well known by professors, and also adding them in after the fact won’t fit in at all with the voice that the rest of your paper was written in, so it’ll stand out like a sore thumb. just don’t do it unless it’s your last possible “i have ten minutes to turn this in” effort.

Step 8: Celebrate!!

And that’s it! If you did it right, this whole process should have taken you around the equivalent of 1 hour per page you had to write or so, so in a regular twelve hour day you’ve got time to take breaks and eat and all that shit. Go turn it in and celebrate your victory!

#study tips #adhd studying #paper writing #don't procrastinate kids #crash course #charlie's college crash course

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unproduciblesmackdown · 4 years ago

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here’s the matter of fact text post re: i guess i achieved the goal of an intermittent thing i’d do where i’d try to find anyone online talking about the ‘weird’ experience i have with masturbation which is, inherently, not exciting or anything but it’s like, even if i just Know of course it’s not just me, i want to like, hear someone else talk about anything similar ever, b/c so far it’s just a text post i saw once and can’t ever rediscover and someone talking about their experience that stems from an inapplicable physical trauma so....Yay, seeing as it’s been years i’ve been like “seriously though” lmao

i was like Lol @ myself b/c i was like “man after i try for like 30 sec to crank it it a) doesn’t go anywhere hardly and b) i lose interest Way fast and it’s like mildly annoying” and so i thought about that post that’s like [me after sex: well that was a waste of my goddamn time. anyway back to speedrunning] but that’s me after a halfhearted attempt to masturbate and not really getting anything out of it anyways lmaoo like. it’s okay or i wouldn’t even bother fairly regularly but also it tends to end with like, me going off on a distracted tangent for even a moment and it can just hit an absolute brick wall like okay i don’t even have the Interest in continuing with this anymore like i might’ve had before starting like Well That Was A Waste Of My Goddamn Time Anyway Back To [whatever it is that i do]

and then like either that same night or the next my dreams had the audacity to get deeply uncomfortable for no reason like. all i do is have Anxiety Dream Themes thrown together where like. for example as i write this, two nights ago i had a dream segment about “i’m on vacation at the beach” but it was all Anxiety b/c it’ll all be about how i can hardly visit said beach coz i keep getting sidetracked at the hotel or w/e while i’m Trying to visit it while i still can, and last night i had the same Theme but trying and failing to ride roller coasters (which i Enjoy irl) and like, the beach one in particular recurs not Too infrequently lmao where i’m surprised by the rarity of something like “you’re at the beach and it’s fun” lol.......i don’t have anything i’d call a nightmare too often but Anxiety / a somewhat threatening/worrisome situation is like, fairly constant lol, with some occasionally more neutral stuff and a really rare Fun Dream but anyways it was still Bizarre that my dreams pitched me “you’re Someone who i guess is dating this abstract Partner and the scenario is you feel obligated to have sex with them” and it was weird like, woke up the next day like “why did my brain drag me through this deeply unpleasant dream situation” like. not totally unheard of for my dreams to touch on a Scene ft. sex and/or physical intimacy and even on occasion it’ll be an “i’m (or whoever i am as a maybe semi-abstract First Person camera character lol maybe ft. some particular concept attached to the ‘role’) having some sexual encounter and it’s Fine or enjoyable” but it’s generally fleeting As Per Usual Dream Structure and it’s like why was this one that sucked like, particularly dragged out by those usual dream standard’s, come on

anyways so going “haha i’m living the Waste Of My Goddamn Time thing” and “well thank you to my own brain for a bizarre and unpleasant experience while i’m just trying to be passed tf out” i was like “let’s look up again why not only can i not seem to orgasm but also like even expecting a way lower level of stimulation still Disappoints sometime like why do i bother” and yeah after first going the “does anyone Never manage to Not slam into a brick wall / basically completely lose interest all at once or practically all at once even and it all goes back to zero even if you started at like maybe a 1 or 1.5 and sometimes it happens with going down a random mental track” route i interestingly got some cis guys going “yeah hate when that happens on occasion” but yeah by now i had of course given up on “can i come at this from an [experiencing sensory input and processing from an autistic angle] angle” like. idk still interested in that of course lmao but god is searching for it a bit exhausting. but yeah after i threw in an [-erectile] search modifier i got was like oh a result on a site about asexuality re: masturbation, why didn’t i think of That angle. idk but here we are

informative stuff but the comments section where people who wanted to read an [about: masturbation] on a site About asexuality were talking about their experiences was like. i had mentioned how it was Enlightening that one person said I Do Not Enjoy Orgasms lol like i have not really heard that angle vs “you might not enjoy sexual stimulation” and/or “you might not be able to orgasm” but not you Can orgasm but you Might Not Even Like It Really like. the person said yes they got the Peak Of Intense Pleasure out of the orgasm but not so much any kind of afterglow and felt like they get dropped back to where they were before even trying to masturbate (aka. square zero again lol) and just yeah outright mentioned Not Enjoying it and another person replied like Yep it’s like that for me too.........already i’m like man i don’t even approach anywhere near an orgasm Ever but man would not be surprised if, even if i theoretically was capable of the physical experience, it would be the same as this way lower level Waste Of My Goddamn Time deal lol.......it’s Hilarious too that like. say “being at all in the mood to try to spank it” is a Square/Level 1, i feel like yeah most of the time i’m only getting this shit going to a 1.5, maybe a 2 or 2.5 if we’re on fire......very very very rarely have i been like “hey that was like, a 3 or some shit, damn” and honestly it’s not like oh so that ruled and is motivation to continue b/c like. the Surprise of it throws me off and it’s not necessarily that Great a surprise, more just like, jeez, idk, it feels like A Bit Much that basically registers as Tension where i’m hardly encouraged to keep it up like, makes me wonder if that’s a Sensory Processing Thing aka how sometimes i try to get any more in depth info on the logistics of Experiencing Sexual Stimulation re: also being autistic and the variety of ways that can unfold (i do know that like. the Sensory thing apparently can sure be a factor in either direction, i.e. might cause some ppl to really not enjoy sexual stimulation Or to like, super enjoy it. allistic ppl who might realize “thinking sex is awesome” is “”normal,”” brilliant.....like u didnt also “realize” that stims like fidget cubes and weighted blankets can be enjoyed “”normally”” like. still having a diff experience here and shut it) and i remember one time i was like “c’est la vie i will purchase a vibrator (and i got a second, external one as some deal going on)” and it was just a No Go b/c. it didn’t feel “bad” in that it was not necessarily like, yep here’s some sexual stimulation, but it was like, overwhelming in a Not Good way, yet also not physically painful, and i realize vibrators are made w/ different intensities and i definitely got Mildest ones so it wasn’t that

anyways like yeah #tbt to a time i really gave it a go (vibrator-less) for truly just short of two solid hours......plenty of that was me at Square Zero and getting back to level 1 alone (aka like. feeling Any positive response at all lmao) was kind of an achievement and maybe there was some 1.5 or 2 in there but it wasn’t like i felt that motivated and Just Keeping At It was not necessarily helping so. that was a waste of my goddamn time

can’t really remember what i was doing differently the last time i kicked things up to maybe a solid 2-3 Zone for truly like One Moment lol.....think i was just getting a little more hands on (since usually a spike in intensity makes me go “[?? / !!] whoa :/” and i lose Any momentum and/or “progress”) and that spike in intensity made me go [?? / !!] Whoa :/ and it didn’t matter, just got back to zero as always, and it’s not like these “Achievements” are “Enlightening” where i’m then like wow everyone’s right, really Trying with this shit pays off like lol. i still make a cursory effort but really just to burn off that Level 1-ness if anything like. kinda like “yeah neat here we go” but like. probably literally a minute or two later it’s like well Anyways.......another fun detail is that it’s not Always like “oh i got off on some mental sidetrack and losing focus = losing like All of even this low level of arousal and im back at zero” like, i might be in the middle of things and Lose Interest even while i’m currently experiencing a nonzero level of “yep this is some sexual stimulation” lol but it’s just like smh Whatever @ it......like, on the one hand the Tension of the stimulation gets in its own way, but if i entirely lose that then it’s like well okay this isn’t gonna go anywhere, may as well stop

so anyhow here’s the Particular Comment where i was like “wow this is so similar to #me that i guess i’ve finally found Someone Talking About It* (*however it goes for me)”

i can’t say i’ve done the Holding My Breath thing on Purpose but now sometimes i do notice i do it (and have probably Been doing it) lol like oh there i went and Exhaled in a [was holding my breath] way lol coz like they say there with the Loss Of Any Tension and the Square Zero (Not Even Square One) thing like yeah lmao. and very same with the Five Minutes Max thing b/c yeah it really can be even less than One Minute sometimes before it’s like yeah square zero or just i lose enough interest anyways, getting bored like they say, ugh like it’s a brief description obviously lmao but i’m like god well there it is i guess, the [i know it’s not Just Me experiencing this like this but i’d still fucking like to find anyone else actually talking about it] account For Once Finally, thanks for putting it out there, Disappointed and a lil bored

naturally there are also ppl in the comments talking about how masturbation is an enjoyable thing for them and particular tips there but like it is Hilarious to me how a) some people orgasm easily or like. orgasm if they put effort into masturbation lmaooo like fucking imagine. and b) idk it’s like well i’m sure i’ve made hundreds of attempts and not even any Near Misses, it is simply like, not happening and c) yet at the same time Like This Commenter it’s like “well is there just another way of doing it i somehow haven’t hit on” like naturally i have to wonder like well idk maybe it’d be diff with a sexual partner b/c yknow, the same stimulation from Someone Else vs Yourself, and yet d) ha ha of course i haven’t had sex which people Don’t think of as Not A Joke lmao i referred to this fact abt myself with some casual humor to someone and my temper flared up when that was later taken as a Cue for someone who is not me to jokingly reference it (by Temper Flaring i mean i got annoyed enough to go Do Not Do That e.g. the post that’s like “[asserts one boundary] i’m not a people pleaser anymore i’m actually a huge cunt now”) and i probably shouldn’t feel like i have to “justify” this as well somehow other people have probably tried to Make A Move re: me but i have not been into it like well, what if nobody had ever been Interested that i knew of, that would be fine too, but. i am aware that ppl think of this as a joke still lmao, and i have to say that. im already doing letters like a) b) c) aren’t i but whatever, starting over a) well i haven’t had All the opportunity in the world as i have at various points (but basically continuously) for various reasons been pretty isolated and b) idk i have not had all these signs that point to me wanting to have sex with people exactly lmao but it’s like, c) even if i go “well maybe there’s Exceptions out there or Situations That Will Be Conducively Different Than The Limited Range Of Ones I’ve Had So Far” it’s like, okay, i could still just continue to feel “nah :/” re: any “opportunity” that ever presents itself or whatever. it is all very abstract for me anyways, so it’s like, whatever. but i’m also not the most Glad to discuss it b/c idk a lot of this stuff i know is like A Joke including how i’m still simmering with resentment from a year ago or more over some Tweet i saw trying to dunk a meme about how asexuals are Anti-Psychology like, that’s an entire Other Essay there but needless to say for one thing i just pre-resent people hearing “could being autistic factor into the particular experience i have losing interest / arousal so easily (and inevitably as it’s big time primary anorgasmia around here)” and going “aha that makes sense b/c being ace means there’s something Dysfunctional going on cuz Lbr and bieng autistic means being a Fucked Up version of an allistic person and your autistacity is going to fuck up things about you which ought to function properly” like well that feeds right into itself in a loop and i hate it. and i know the whole “hehe someone who hasn’t had sex is a loser” thing is way engrained in there lmao ppl throw that punchline out all the time and like, idk, see the (i’m autistic) thing like it’s not like this is an unprecedented concept or the only front on which im like “i Know this is a thing ppl negatively judge in general but i also Know i do not buy into that or feel bad about it” like i do not personally consider myself cringe and fail for not having had sex ever and do not consider that Premise that someone is a joke for it to be true re: anyone but at the same time i know that this whole Awareness that people are shitty about it is frustrating to me lol. plus i think it is getting into the Entire Thing where concepts as broad as Maturity and Humanity At Its Most Complex And Worthwhile are considered intrinsically linked to romance and sex, which is something that i am somewhat self-conscious of being aromantic and [having never had sex and it could well be that i will not ever have sex even if The Opportunity(tm) is there] and i know it is frustrating to me b/c sometimes when i start to even talk about “i have not had sex yes im aware this is like (spit take) what a nerd, Sure” b/c i will easily cry out of frustration like 5 seconds in lol. which i cry easily enough but Usually getting teared up b/c i feel Hyped Up / Enthusiasm for something lmfao.......anyways plenty of tangents to go down here but my point is shoutout to the other person for also never orgasming and just being bored with masturbation if anything

and also to the people who were like “i can have / have had orgasms but i don’t actually enjoy it” like considering the way that [not like i experience anything even close to an orgasm but there is sometimes An Increase in arousal achieved, either a tiny raise in the Level or on occasion a bit of a kick which is mostly like “whoa tf chill out”] is overall Underwhelming even if there is Any enjoyment in it and the whole Back To Square Zero (Not Even Square One) thing re: the entire lack of afterglow they mention and it’s like well that kinda feels like parallel experiences here lmao. which tbh is like. makes me care even less with like Humorous Annoyance at the fact that ppl are out here simply able to have orgasms and to have access to that just by like yep here i go masturbating lmaooo like okay

anyways idk how to Conclude this lmfao. Fun Fact i have hc’s about how winston billions who is autistic experiences sexual stimulation (he gets the Really Enjoys It kind of sensory processing time here lol) but i suppose the easiest simplest one to explain is the “remember the Tayston Crying Sex drawing, the idea is that things can be kinda overwhelming while still being Good if it’s handled right by his partner (or himself ig lol) and he can tear up as sort of an overflow thing” like well you probably already knew that was connected to the broader whole of Winston Billions Autistic Hc’s but in case you didn’t: it is

#me and ''Disappointed and a lil bored'' out here #round of applause from me to me....like the time i stumbled across the Source Media for some preview i remembered from a blockbuster vhs #like 20 yrs ago or whatever like ''am i making this sort of Distinctive memory up or modifying one to hell and back / combining them'' like #no i was not but it sure took me a While to mostly coincidentally find it via watching a list on youtube of like. partially Lost or just rly #obscure niche shit....it'd been a preview for a pc game for an ye olde disney series i'd never heard of in my life #anyways the point is it'd been something *i'd* been searching around for intermittently for a good while and managed to find and it was like #hooray but also i realize it's hardly relevant to like. much of anyone else but oh well good for me

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dyde21 · 5 years ago

Text

Rick Thoughts

My feed for like a week now has been super heavy on Rick Riordan crit from multiple people. I’m adding my thoughts, but it’s going under the cut so people can ignore it if they want. TL;DR Relatively neutral on it, but I hate how half the crit is done towards him. Probably not popular opinions FWIW. Got a little worked up towards the end so fair warning.

Okay, so. A lot of crit towards him seems super valid. I’ve seen a lot of discussions on some poor choices he made when it comes to representing different groups of people. Which is fine. A lot of great points have been made that change how I will write/describe the characters moving forward.

Yes, some of his responses have been a bit immature, do seem a bit harsh towards fans. But on that note, as with any content creator, it’s not like he’s just receiving simple, polite suggestions or critiques. There are TONS of fans out there, as with all major series, some will be toxic, rude, immature etc. Just go to any panel at a con, people have no filter when it comes to asking creators about stuff. Is it wrong when he lashes out? Yes. Period. But like with the Reyna comment, I literally can’t imagine how many comments he’s gotten from people, online, etc asking him about it, critiquing him for how he handled her relationships, the fanart, the fanfics etc. Tumblr makes up a tiny fraction of his audience so yeah, I have a little sympathy for anyone who has to deal with that many fans, especially when a lot of fans are younger and don’t know better/are emotional/impressionable. That’s a volatile age group too. I.E. The craze around any boyband or twilight back then. So yeah, that comment seemed a little passive aggressive, but heavy shippers have always been... intense for any fandom. Not excusing it, but I understand it.

I’m not really in any position to comment on how he handles minorities, I’m a while christian male, and my only leg to stand on is I’m bummed he hasn’t really shown many christian characters but given the context of his books I know it’s not too likely. So yeah, I’m not going to defend or critique how he writes minorities. I do know though, that, obviously, people see things differently. groups of people aren’t uniform thinkers. Just because there is one part of a community saying this thing is wrong/bad, doesn’t mean everyone in that community agrees with that. So when people shit on Rick for writing something some way, you can’t ignore the fact that a lot of time there are plenty of people in said community that agree with/love the idea. He’s literally in a damned if I do/damned if I don’t situation a lot of time. For a personal example as I grew up Mormon. The book of mormon play. A Lot of Latter Day Saints really hate that play because they feel it mocks their faith. A lot of people also love it and find it in good fun and hilarious within the church. Neither side is more “right” than the other, so depending on where you stand it’s either a horrible or funny thing. Same with people who dress as Jesus on tiktok to make funny videos.

Don’t get me wrong, it is very possible there are some things that are just plain harmful that he could have written. That’s absolutely a possibility, and not my call to make. I’m just trying to say just because someone offered a critique doesn’t mean they were “Right” or he has to agree with them. Listening to one critique can mean ignoring another, and still ends with him being called out for ignoring his fans.

In the end, the real thing that pisses me off I guess is people who are putting thoughts and meanings him his mind for him. Saying he doesn’t care about the fans, the books, the characters etc really gets under my skin. We have the right all day to critique the content in his books, disagree with his choices, think that they could have written better/differently. (I hate some of Annabeth’s actions towards Percy, like the flip, myself so I get it.) But we have NO RIGHT to say how he thinks or acts. I don’t care how worked up we get over the series, or the frustration we feel when we feel like we’ve been misrepresented. We’ve all had situations where people make assumptions about us and it hurt. When you said something that was misunderstood and people looked down on you, or when something you did was taken out of context and you were wrong condemned for it. So yeah, rick doesn’t seem to respond to criticism the best, and some of his choices may have been poor when writing the character, but stop assuming what he is thinking/meaning with his writing. Stop assuming how much/little he cares. Stop assuming you know HOW he made the choices he made, what research he did or didn’t do. He’s a human being who deserves the same respect as everyone else. I can’t even imagine how much it’d hurt if I made a series, over years of work, writing, and research to hear fans just say “oh he doesn’t care about the series” or he has a “ghost writer” just beause they disagreed with my choices. Imagine if people said that about the favorite thing you’ve made, it’s incredibly rude to me.

Also, since I’m already worked up I’ll just throw this out there. Just as good things he wrote/included don’t erase the mistakes, mistakes don’t erase the positive choices he made too. The actual good implementation or characters or traits that we take for granted. The fact that for a lot of people, myself included, our perception of kids with ADHD or dyslexia was changed when we were young, or the utter destruction fo the dumb blonde troppe by Annabeth, etc. It’s easy to get frustrated when we feel slighted but shit, stop saying entire books or series are complete trash when there are plenty of positive aspects in them too that deserve praise as well. If it was easy or even possible to write a perfect book, don’t you think it would have been done by now? Then again the Prodigal Son is my favorite parable so maybe that’s why I think that way.

#PJO Rant #Not tagging this with a crit tag cause I feel like that'd be asking for a fight #Dunno how well this will go over #so I might delete it later #But I really wanted to get my thoughts out #cause I got tired of the sort of echo chamber I kept seeing circling around #Got a bit worked up towards the end

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