#i WISH my biggest problem in school was a boy not liking me back

[thisdreamsalive]

Does anyone else whose 25+ look back at their teenage years and early 20s and is just livid about how the adults or adultier adults treated you like a stupid ungrateful brat who can't possibly suffer with anything because you don't have to (or they assume you don't) deal with Adult™ Problems like parenting, having a shitty job or trying to cover rent or bills?

Only to get older and be horrified because actually things were just as bad as you said they were because mental illness and trauma don't care about your age or how good your life looks to strangers who literally only know surface level things about you.

And now that you're an adultier adult, you don't have to fight so hard to be believed and no longer have have people assume the worst because of your age. Being treated like a person and having autonomy is a big part of why things aren't as bad now.

And it's just like wow you could have treated me with compassion the whole fucking time, you can shove it now.

[aomine-ryo]

A lil scenario for Aomine’s birthday because he is, in fact, the best boy. It’s nothing too intricate, I just like to think that Aomine is super nervous around his crushes even though he’s a narcissistic bitch on court (love him tho)

Scenario: Aomine’s crush confesses to him on his birthday

gender neutral reader

Birthdays were just another day for Aomine, and he’s perfectly fine keeping it that way. His complaints begin when everyone around him makes it a bigger deal than it is. And the biggest culprit of this was Momoi.

As much as Aomine loved his friendship with Momoi, it’s days like this where he wished she would just tone it down a bit. He knew that whatever she did was out of love for him, but the way she showed it was way too flamboyant for Aomine.

This year round though, she seemed to be a little too quiet about her plans for the day. She still was the first one to wish him and give him a gift, but she hadn’t mentioned anything else. Either she finally respected his wishes to keep things low-key, or there was a surprise party looming around the corner. And Aomine had an awful feeling it was the latter.

“Dai-chan, you don’t have any plans later today, do you?” Momoi questioned as the two of them walked to school together that morning.

“I do,” Aomine murmured, letting out a big yawn as he rubbed his eyes to wake himself up .

“Huh? What plans?” Momoi questioned. Even though he was half asleep, he could hear the panic in her tone. She was so obvious.

“I have a date with my bed,” Aomine said simply, daydreaming about being wrapped under his warm blanket again.

Momoi clicked her tongue in annoyance. “It’s your birthday. You’re not just gonna spend it in your room.”

“There’s nothing stopping me,” Aomine replied.

“I’m stopping you,” Momoi snapped. “Let’s have a dinner at mine.”

“What? Just you and me?” Aomine questioned absentmindedly, dark blue eyes catching a glimpse of his classmate walking through the school gates.

As soon as Momoi noticed you, she knew she’d completely lost Aomine’s attention. But she carried on anyway, “I thought of inviting Tetsu,” she paused for a moment as a grin took over her face. “If you want, I can invite Y/N as well.”

Aomine snapped back into reality upon hearing your name. “What? No! That’d be so weird,” he protested, his face heating up.

Momoi sighed, “When will you make a move on them?”

“I don’t like Y/N like that,” he replied defensively, avoiding eye contact with Momoi as he did so.

“You’re not fooling anyone, but sure,” she said as the two of them approached their classrooms. “Anyways, you, me and Tetsu tonight, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah whatever,” Aomine rolled his eyes before entering his classroom and plopping down in the seat behind you.

“Daiki! Happy birthday!” You said, turning around to face him with a wide smile.

Aomine was suddenly more awake than ever. “Oh thanks,” he said curtly, “how come you’re not passed out on the desk like every other day?”

“Had to stay awake to be the first in the class to wish you,” you shrugged, “Plus you would’ve woken me up anyways because you’re an asshole like that.”

Aomine chuckled at the sentiment, “How sweet of you to stay up for me,” his tone was mocking; it made you want to punch him.

“You’re so annoying,” you rolled your eyes.

The rest of his school day was fairly normal— napping in class, finding any opportunity to annoy you, drooling over you when you weren’t looking— the usual. In a way, he was glad his birthday was on a Friday; being in school meant that he got to spend his day with you, though he wasn’t exactly pleased to be waking up at 7 a.m. for it.

“Dai-chan! Hurry up! I’ve got to prepare for the dinner!” Momoi called out as she stood at the door of your classroom at the end of the day, interrupting a nonsensical back and forth between you and Aomine.

The navy haired boy sighed, “Satsuki, that’s a problem you created for yourself.”

“You say that, but when the food takes too long to cook it’s non-stop complaining from your end,” Momoi retorted, earning a small laugh from you.

“Whatever. See you Monday, loser,” Aomine said to you, his hand reaching over to your head and messing with your hair.

“Stop that!” you whined, trying to swat his arm away and regaining your composure once you did. “Have a good birthday, stupid,” you said, packing up your stuff once he headed out.

“You guys are so cute,” Momoi beamed once it was just her and Aomine in the hallways.

“Can we please not have this conversation again? Just for today?” Aomine groaned, already frustrated with himself for the lack of flirting he’s been able to do with you. He didn’t know what it was. It was usually easy for him to flirt with girls he was interested in, but with you he was always nervous; afraid he’d mess it up with one wrong move.

Once Aomine had gotten home, he was absolutely exhausted. He laid down in his bed and let out a heavy sigh. He didn’t know if he had it in him to go for dinner with Momoi and Kuroko— let alone whatever Momoi was covering up. He just wanted to nap and maybe just scroll through his socials— maybe he’ll find the perfect meme to send to you so that he has an excuse to talk to you again. Nevertheless, he did end up drifting off into the nap he’d been waiting for since he had woken up that morning.

Aomine was stirred awake by the sound of his phone’s ringtone. He squinted at the bright screen, seeing Momoi’s name and quickly remembering that it was still his birthday. He brought the phone up to his ear, “Hello,” he said groggily, eyes closing once again.

“Where are you? I’ve been trying to reach you for the past half hour!” Momoi scolded into the phone.

“I was asleep,” Aomine answered simply.

Momoi sighed in disappointment, “Get to mine quick. Tetsu and I are hungry.”

“Mhm,” Aomine hummed before ending the phone call. It took him a moment, but he finally gathered the strength to drag himself out of bed and into the shower, cussing out his birthday each step of the way.

Aomine made it out of the house fairly quickly, but there wasn’t a single thought going through his head when he walked up the driveway of Momoi’s house. He didn’t bother ringing the doorbell— he never did. He took his shoes off and headed towards the living room, “Oi Satsuki—”

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY AOMINE!”

Aomine’s heart leaped out of his chest for a moment at the sudden chorus when he stepped into the room. He had fully forgotten about the possibility of a surprise party. Standing in front of him was a crowd of basically all the people he knew— the Miracles, his teammates, some of his classmates, and most notably— you.

“What on earth…” was all he was really able to say. He was still trying to process the fact that you were here. He definitely did not put enough effort into his outfit for this to be happening.

“Were you surprised?” Momoi asked, pouncing up and down like an excited puppy.

“No, you’re a bad liar. I’m just sleepy,” Aomine answered truthfully, causing everyone to erupt into a fit of joking booing and jeering.

“Okay okay, we’ll get to the cake in a second, but first you have to take your birthday shot,” Kagami grinned, swinging his arm around Aomine’s shoulders and handing him a shot glass filled with vodka.

Aomine downed the shot with no hesitation. He needed all the confidence he could get to try to flirt with you— not that he really had a game plan in mind.

Admittedly, it was rather nice to have everyone all together. It had been a while since he had seen Kuroko so it was nice catching up with him and also bullying Kagami whilst he was at it. Moreover, he couldn’t help but steal glances of you chatting with people and swaying along to the music— he still couldn’t believe that you were actually there.

He did, however, make the stupid mistake of matching his drinks with Kise— who had a much higher tolerance than he did. Aomine soon found himself needing to get away from the music and the crowd, so he stepped out to the front porch, taking a deep breath of the fresh air. He took a seat on the steps, blankly staring out into the empty street as he tried to stop his vision from spinning.

He heard the front door behind him open and shut, steps moving towards him. “What’s the birthday boy doing all alone out here?” you said, taking a seat next to him.

Aomine’s lips instinctively broke out into a smile upon hearing your voice, “Trying to stop the world from spinning. And also avoiding Kise because I cannot stomach another shot,” he answered honestly.

“I do not envy you right now,” you chuckled, knowing the feeling all too well.

“You haven’t had anything to drink?” Aomine questioned, trying to meet your eyes but failing miserably.

“Not really, I don’t let myself go all out around people I don’t know too well,” you shrugged.

“You don’t need to worry about that, I’ll take care of you if you get too drunk,” Aomine said, a slight slur in his words.

You couldn’t help but laugh at the gesture, “As sweet as that is, you are in no state to be taking care of yourself— let alone me.”

“I’d sober up if I need to,” Aomine said confidently.

“I’ll take your word for it,” you said, tone filled with sarcasm. A silence fell between you two as you both looked out into the street. It wasn’t an awkward silence, but it wasn’t exactly comfortable either— for you, at least. Aomine seemed to be in another dimension by the looks of it, but you felt like there was something that needed to be said. “Oh right!” You said shuffling around and breaking the silence suddenly as you reached into your pocket and pulled out an envelope. “Here, this is for you.”

“What is it?” Aomine asked, brows furrowed in confusion as he took the plain white envelope that said ‘To Daiki’ in your handwriting on it.

“It’s a birthday card,” you said, fidgeting with your hands nervously as you pondered over whether this was the right move.

“Can I open it?” Aomine asked, his respectful manners around you remaining even though he was absolutely hammered.

You hesitated for a moment as you thought over the contents of the card. While it was just a greeting card, you also put down how you felt about him— more specifically, how you had a crush on him. You weren’t sure how he’d react and it was eating you alive. “Um, okay. But don’t read it aloud. And don’t look at me when you read it,” you said, burying your face in your palms as he opened the envelope.

You saw his smile widen upon seeing the card in the first place— it had a cute little cartoon dog with a birthday hat and balloon on the front. Aomine thought that it was such a cute design, it almost reminded him of Nigou. He opened the card up eagerly, wondering what had you so shy. His eyes scanned over the words you had written down, his whole body seizing when he got to the words ‘I like you.’ He read it over and over again in disbelief, sure that it was his drunken mind making him see words that weren’t there. He even ran his finger over the words to make sure he wasn’t imagining it. Damn those birthday wishes work quick.

He slowly looked over at you, meeting your eyes through the gaps between your fingers. “Are you serious?” he asked softly.

“It would be really cruel for me to lie about something like that,” you said, trying to use humour to cope with the nervousness.

Aomine leaned over and wrapped his arms around you tightly, pulling you into a hug. It definitely caught you off guard because it was now your turn to freeze.

“I feel the same way,” he mumbled into your shoulder, your tension beginning to ease with his words. He didn’t exactly intend for the hug, it was something his body did before he could even process that it was happening. He wanted to kiss you, but he was afraid that he wouldn’t remember it the next day— a stupid thought, but what else could you expect from him?

“You have no idea how glad I am to hear that. I genuinely thought I was gonna vomit out of nervousness the whole way here,” you said, finding comfort in the sweet scent of Aomine’s cologne and the sound of his light chuckle.

Aomine finally broke away from the hug, cupping your face in his hands as his dark blue eyes met yours. “You’ve officially made this the best birthday I’ve had in a while,” he grinned, his lips were so close that you could feel his breath on your skin.

“You’re welcome, stupid,” you replied in what was barely a whisper, your eyes darting between his eyes and lips before he finally closed the gap. His lips were soft against yours. Even though he’d been waiting for this moment for ages, he wanted to savour it. There was no need for him to go all in. He just wanted to melt into your touch and bask in your gentleness. The world finally stopped spinning; as your fingers ran through his hair, he did his best to remember this moment. Your soft touch, your fresh scent, the sound of your gentle breaths— he wanted to remember every single bit of you that made his day.

[ramblingsfromthytruly]

so this is sort of an excerpt from my journal from a few months ago. i was in school, bored in class, feeling a bit reflective so i churned out some poetic mush about various aspects of my life at that point. enjoy if u want!

substance of daydreams - july/august 2024

there are wrinkles in clothes

and windows in doors

the ceiling and walls

are painted different colours

and the kids make jokes

about the colour

call it "dark humour"

because you're just sensitive

and then the boys laugh

insult each other

"that's so autistic"

they bullied one boy in 10th grade

i remember

i have a dream

to move to a new city

where love is in the air

and i don't have to beware

"i like this girl"

"tell me all about it"

i tell them all about it

laughter and squeals

the substance of daydreams

back to real life

i look to my right

at my resting classmate

she says "she's not homophobic"

i overheard her once

our teacher is here

i'm writing as he speaks

he's a good teacher

just a bit too full of himself

but open to new ideas

i have to go home

and study and study

i've been wasting so much time

and my mom yells "i'll never be enough"

i worry she's right

but my heart is ever-hopeful

i don't think i want to marry

the concept is uncomfortable

but i want to truly love one day

in whatever way

i want to be consumed

wholly and entirely

like in a good book

art reflects reality

this is the state of my mind

an organized mess

an array of sensitivity

and shitty poetry

and a thoughtful intelligence

i hope

a bit self-conscious

a bit self-centered

it comes and it goes

people think i'm dumb

and angry

especially my parents

anyone who knows me

knows i'm not

not really

but does anyone know me?

well of friends who put in the effort

i think i can name two

two people who know me

and know nothing at all

maybe it's because i don't let them?

i think

a lot of my problems

would long be gone

if it wasn't for me

maybe i'm the problem?

my own biggest problem?

i wish my mind cooperated

a little

i wish my thoughts came slower

by a little

i don't want to be anyone else

i think

i wish to be more content

a little

give me a few days

the reflective mood will pass

and will come back in september

and haunt me once more

[sniigura-archive]

i know you and i like you anyway (1)

chapter 2

nathan prescott x reader ; warren graham x reader

summary: when the pressure and eyes are on you, it’s hard to stay afloat. especially when your not so forgotten best friend comes back into your life. and they are ready to mess up the plans others have for you.

having parents and peers constantly nag you about your grades, interests and lack of an significant other can bring you down. but meeting the new kid in the academy can change at least one of your mocking points.

yn is implied to be afab (lives in fem dorms) but is genderneutral otherwise!

tw/cw: mentions of poverty, mental health issues, canon typical violence, swearing, implied/ref drug use, modern au as in its not 2013, huge canon divergence and messed up time line, obsessive behaviour, possessive behaviour, tell me if i missed smth!

read on ao3 for better formatting and tagging

unlike popular belief nathan prescott did not grow up in arcadia bay. the heir to the prescott name grew up in fort lauderale, florida. his family, from his mother side, lived there. she was able to convince his father to let them live there, bless her soul.

(“it will be good for him! for us! the pressure will destroy him. just look at how kristine treats us.. i don’t want to lose another child.”)

he spend his time at prestigious elementary and middle schools. and at middle school is where he meet you. people started quickly talking about you, simply because you were the only scholarship student. unlike everyone else you didn’t come from money.

your uniform was constantly 3 sizes too big, your hand was constantly raised and when you got anything less than an A there was clear panic on your face. the biggest difference to everyone else were your empty eyes and constant deadpan. seemingly nothing truly got a reaction out of you. there was a boy who tried to, by pulling at your hair and messing up your homework.

you beat him up so bad that the whole class just decided to leave you alone. and fact is, everyone who was near you also got left alone, so nathan was naturally pulled towards you. he wanted nothing more than to be left alone.

middle school was hard, simply because nathan`s problems started to really show, he wasn`t a child anymore who threw temper tantrum’s. he was now a boy with violent emotional outbursts. and quite frankly, children are cruel. getting a rise out of the weird prescott kid was more entertaining than torturing their maids and nanny’s.

because you were the only one who could handle his temper, simply because you didn’t care about it as long as he didn’t touch you, you got paired up for different projects.

and that’s how you meet his family. his father didn’t like you, but he doesn’t even like his own children, so his opinion didn’t matter. his mother and sister loved you, simply because you were very polite. dinners were filled with you being questioned to hell and back while you were trying to eat as much as possible.

“uhhh.. i have an older brother, he’s 2 years older than me…i have a twin brother, too. and another 3 little brothers. my father works at a la…actually he’s unemployed right now. my mother works as a teacher and during the summer break she works..where ever they need someone. what i want to be when i grow up?…middle class.”

meeting you after school was hard, responsibilities which nathan couldn’t even imagine carrying were put on your shoulder.

(“sorry. i have to study and babysit. so sorry, i need to grocery shop and take care of dinner. i wish i could, i have to cut the hair of all my brothers and clean the house. if i don’t pass this test my father will murder me.. i have to study. thank you for being so understanding.”)

to be honest, at first nathan didn’t even want anything to do with you. his mother insisted for him to invite you over. he now knows she pitied you. he now knows, too that you even were able to pull on the heartstrings of his father, because he would ask when you would visit again.

when nathan asked you, why did you have to care for everything, what did your brothers do to help? “have fun, i guess.” he felt angry for you. “how can you just roll over and take it? what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“well, who else would do i? why are you angry? i’m not angry, and i’m the one with the responsibilities.”

nathan learned to love you and the emptiness you carried around.

just like everything good in his life, your friendship (or was it more? it felt like more. he misses you, he misses your mean comments, your eye bags and exhaustion.) ended slowly.

once middle school was over, and he was able to graduate with a dirty record of violent outbursts, which was magically clean once he looked over it. the prescott family moved to arcadia bay. he was enrolled in the blackwell academy.

he found this out at the end of the summer break. to be honest he was getting suspicious, because all his questions regarding the highschool he was supposed to attend were being ignored. his father send him away, his mother smiled at him with sadness, he insisted to go to the same school as you.

“please, don’t forget me at your new cool school.”

“i will NEVER forget you, idiot. you’re the only tolerable person i know.”

the way you smiled at him was still clear in his head. you were beautiful in a way he has never seen, and the older he gets the more he realises he never will see anyone quite as pretty as you.

when nathan is 13 he meets dr. jacoby and starts treatment for the anger he feels. he knows that he fells ptity for him. nathan misses you, when he told you about his father, about the bruises and pressure he is under you simply talk about an escape plan. a way you both will be free from the shackles your family put on you and live happily everafter.

maybe you pitied him, but that would never stop you from treating him normally. you didn’t try to avoid his outburst, his meltdowns, you were always direct to him and never lied. he respected you more than anyone. he sees it in his mother, and relatives, how they dance around him as if he is fragile.

when nathan moved away, the first year he visited every break he could. summer, fall, winter and spring spend together. when he wasn’t there with you, he texted you. sending letters, postcards and hour long phone calls. his father hated this, more than anything.

(“depending not only on someone, but on such a low class person? don’t you know that you’re being used? they only see you as a walking wallet! i will put an end to this.”)

the only time dr. jacoby has seen sean prescott in person is when he expressed his concern regarding a codependent friendship with someone from florida. looking back on it, the doctor realised he was lied to and he was able to convince nathan to stop the contact, the only stable and positive influence in his life.

nathan wishes he could say that he got back in contact with you, that you were best friends again, but life is cruel and he’s a coward. he misses you, more than anything. he thinks he’s obsessed with you, dreams were about you (both dreams and nightmares), his day was spend imagining what you were up to, what you look like now. the silly thing is, nathan has never told anyone about you. victoria knew that he had an ex best friend in florida, but she didn’t know any details, rachel knew he was hung up on someone, jefferson knew that there was someone inhabiting his heart and mind.

and well. the school knew somethings. see, the thing is, when you’re high some things slip out. sometimes you mumble a name once or thrice when you’re passed out, and when you (try) hooking up with someone, you moan the wrong name. more than once. with different people. yeah. when one person claims he said the wrong name it’s one thing, but three? he was in deep shit.

victorias nosiness didn’t help, she wanted all the gory details, but he couldn’t say anything. what was he supposed to say? i fucked it up with the best person, because i couldn’t stand up to my shitty father and useless psychiatrist? sure. part of him was sure that she saw the pictures of you he has in his drawers, in his albums, hidden away.

for a short time nathan thinks he moved on, when he met rachel. she was pretty, smart and nice. she was less than you and much more. and he thinks he’s ok, ok with the distance and unknown which surrendes you. why did all your social media accounts have to be private?

nathan is 18 and it has been nearly 4 years since he has seen you. blackwell turned into the senior focused art academy, just like it was planned. he entered his first year in the 2 year programme and finally he was able to make a name for himself. victoria turned the vortex club into a group for the elite just like how she planned, with nathan’s help. he wasn’t the victim anymore, he finally ruled over the school grounds. summer passed and before he could register it, it was fall break.

it was the last few days and students started to move back into their dorms. the talk right now where the new students attending, some students dropped out because they were catched with drugs on their person, some couldn’t afford the rising tuition prices and others simply moved away because of their parents. nathan couldn’t careless, those who left aren’t close to him, but who is truly close to the prescott heir? he can’t lie though, he lost one of his best customers, or more like frank did.

victoria was in nathan’s dorm room, she was checking out the new student’s. according to her, there were no new people in the girl dorm’s who fit in the vortex club. how tragic. outside on the hallway was some commotion,

“please, move and unlock your door before i decide against helping you with your furniture.” could be heard from the outside, spoken by an unknown voice. the room besides nathan was being occupied. sad. he will miss the privacy and silence. especially now, with furniture being build. fucking hell.

“oh my, hottie alert. two of them even.” victoria was peeking out of his door.

“oh yeah? found some new members?” she hummed, “let’s go over and introduce ourselves. first impressions are everything. before the freaks come and snatch `em away.”

nathan groaned, “give me a minute. i’m still fucking hangover from yesterday. fuck, frank needs to stop stretching his shit or one day i’m going to die, for real.” victoria only chuckled at her best friend.

stepping away from the door she got out here phone and looked herself over in the camera, fixing a few strands and wiping away lipstick which started to smear over her lips. in the meantime nathan got up from his bed, going through his har with his hands and putting on his iconic jacket. with that he left the room, victoria right behind him. looking his door before they make their way over to his new neighbours.

and honestly, he should have expected this, because you always meet someone twice. or that’s what you always said. the door was open, and some guy had his back turned towards them. damn, he’s tall. it’s kinda overkill. turning around, the stranger nearly ran into him and victoria,

“shit! my bad, i didn’t see you there…do we know each other?”

you weren’t who nathan saw when he found out you were back, or more like you were here. in his life. instead, he saw face to face with your twin. the guy was freakishly tall, nathan remembered how small he used to be, now he was over 6 feet tall with clear defined muscles.

nathan with his proud 5`7 feet felt his fragile ego being tested, simply by the fact that some guy he used to know when he was, like, 13 was now way taller than him. and part of him wants to lash out, yell at oliver for not watching where he’s fucking going. but nathan was aware that this would kill any chance of reconciling with you. starting a fight with your brother would immediately put him on your shitlist, even if you hate oliver. sometimes.

(“he’s still my brother. if you talk badly about him again, i’m going to throw you out of this window.”)

“jesus himself could stand before you and you wouldn’t recognise him. stop bothering people, this is the third time you have asked someone this. get your stuff already.” your clearly annoyed voice rang through the room. thankfully this took away n

oliver scratched his head, “man, not my fault i can’t recognise faces for shit. my name’s oliver. nice to meet you guys!”

victoria the angel (or devil) took over the conversation, noticing that nathan was a tiny bit overwhelmed, “hi! i’m victoria and this is my best friend nathan. we just wanted to welcome you to blackwell. if you need any help don’t be afraid to ask us.” she put on her best mask of friendliness. “we are the leaders of the vortex cub, a group for blackwells elite. i’m sure you will fit right in.” taking out a flyer she gave it to him.

reading it over oliver said, “me? for sure. i don’t know about grumpy bear back there.”

“what’s that supposed to mean?”

“you’re my twin, and i love you but you’re mean. like, even teachers are afraid of you. well, i better get going before you throw something at me.” with that oliver left his spot at the door and nathan finally can look at you. you were sitting in the middle of the room, an unfinished shelf laying on the floor and a toolbox was at your side. in one hand you held a screwdriver and in the other hand, raised into the air you held a pillow, obviously ready to throw it.

you look just like he remembered and at the same time it feels like he’s looking at a stranger. you’re not quite as skinny anymore and your eye bags weren’t as dark anymore. wearing a oversized hoodie and jeans, just like when you were a kid. but now he knows it’s probably more a fashion choice instead of only owning hand me downs and extra big clothes to grow into. of course, you still have to be stupidly attractive. now you wear glasses, too.

you lowered the pillow back to the ground, now that your target left. looking down at the shelf you pouted and said in a small voice, “i’m not mean.” your piercing gaze drifted over to victoria and then nathan, “hi, i’m the mean y/n, apparently.” when you saw him, you did a small double take. victoria and her awareness immediately caught that. stupid artists and their eye for details, especially since she has heard that name mumbled many times.

“oh? where are you guys from?” she asked, smiling at you.

“uhh…florida,” when you saw her raise a brow, hinting at waiting more details you continued, “fort lauderdale, to be exact.”

“what a coincidence! nathan here also grew up there. do you perhaps know each other?” the way victoria smiled reminded you of a dog barring it’s teeth in a warning.

nathan knew you and you would play along with whatever lie he went with, but part of him doesn’t want to lie. here’s his chance to actually start a path, to be friends again (or to be more. but you probably hate him, on the other hand who doesn’t?).

“…long fuckin` time no see, y/n.” what a lame way to say hello after nearly 4 years, but it’s not like he can rewind time.

before he could register it he was hit square in the face with the discarded pillow, “what the fuck? what happened to forgive and forget? huh?”

“woah..” only now did nathan register that fucking warren was also in the room, sitting on the bed. the guy was impressed, he never thought he would see someone attack nathan fucking prescott. warren is putting you on a pedestal right now.

“what the fuck are you looking at, loser?” in true nathan fashion he had to lash out at someone and it couldn’t be you. warren quickly put his hands up in surrender, regretting ever speaking.

“no fighting in my room, guys.” oliver returned in his hands two boxes stacked on top of each other. looking at nathan, he said “so i do know you, what kind of unforgivable act did you commit for grumpy to punish you with the pillow of hatred?”

“stop calling me that!”

oliver walked further into the room, dropping his boxes near you and asking you something, in a hushed voice and a language unknown to the others in the room. when you answered his eyes widened in shock.

“the rich kid! of course i remember you, dude. in fact, y/n will forgive you for whatever you did and marry you. so we- you guys can be rich and shit, together.” oliver nodded wisely, while you looked so tired. shaking your head, you simply started to screw around with the screws in the shelf.

quickly dismantling the shelf, you dropped the screws messily on the floor and stood up, pointing to your brother you said, “you’re horrible,” pointing to nathan, “i’m incredibly angry with you,” pointing to both warren and victoria you spoke your last words, “it was nice to meet you both. warren, i will take you up on that offer to show me around.” and then you walked out with the tool box in hand.

“are you finally going to tell the story about y/n?”

“…fuck, i don’t know how to put up any furniture.”

[carmenized-onions]

review

chip is the biggest fourth wall breaker and i love it for her - time is definitely linear 100% we didn’t just read a tenet vibe flashback forward around and sideways episode that isn’t what happened?

her and carmy are so skinny not breaking the counter

any shoes left undropped? oh how i love your continued motifs

BEFORE YOU KNEW ME YOU CALLED ME CARMY???? completely and utterly feral. she found him charming!!! teehee. she is such a tumblr girl #parasocialrelationshipvibes

she found him charming teehee

chip is simultaneously the second most awkward and the least awkward and carmy is consistently the most awkward

okay the car incident was a month ago, good to know because the fever dreams are ongoing

promised to ask you out (when he’s mentally stable) LOL WHENS THAT HAPPENING

god you are so good at talking about throats i never knew that the feeling of someone’s throat could make me feel emotions

HE IS A MORON oh my god but he isn’t a bad guy (tumblr needs to see this after their comments on season 3 carmy)

carmy i beg do the fucking work i need you two to have sex now x

i love the way i can’t exactly tell who’s thoughts these are/ the respective it’s being written from - like some lines are so chip then some are so carmy and some are also giving me michael vibes (could be completely off parr with this and you didn’t intend for me to read into it this much).

for example

- [ ] “you squint like he’s a moron” is so chip, but then the “he is” is so mikey

- [ ] and then the “of course you want him to change” is so carmy and the “he sucks” is so mikey

stop thinking about food carmy oml wrap it up,

oh carmy you could definitely be better but

NO CHIP YOU COULD NOT BE BETTER NEVER ACCEPT DEFEAT “insert rodrick saying deny deny deny”

jk chip is a flawed character but also so likeable and that’s why we love her

the peoples princess did go hard to be fair this is so random but my ex boyfriend always said i was a fixer like chip but he never called me the peoples princess and the reason why is insane… HE DIDNT KNOW WHO PRINCESS DIANA WAS. bear in mind this boy was a fucking genius, going to one of the hardest degrees at a very good school and we are both british how in hell do you not know who princess diana is you fucking weirdo

i knew he was a making a dish in his head, and what does he do, go and prove me right and make a dish in his head

ITS EASIER TO MAKE THINGS WHEN THEY ARE FOR YOU,,,,, ABOUT YOU WTF

me with a chronic nail biting problem and a therapist 👁️👄👁️

you are both little morons i need richie (ideally mikey but that’s obvs no possible) to come and tell you this

finally they are back in sync

this proving yourself thing is kind of crazy but it’s also carmen so EVENTUALLY THANK GOD

it is definitely weird to have the same therapist

the cat analogy is so good i feel it in my bones

i would say i love you tbf, too soon but she was MIKEYS PICK

such a cat response

i’m glad we have reaffirmed that she will still work there because i need to see this happen

with you??? wtf do you mean you two need labels istg

he has receipts like idk what to tell you it’s fucking carmy and when it comes to chip he’s finna be in the pit (be prepared)

my reaction to carmy v fields…. oh yeah:

- THIS IS TOO GOOD WTAF

- i needed this. i needed this so fucking much

- WALK HIM LIKE A FUCKING DOG

- THIS WAS ON THE FUCKING ROADTRIP - GOD I WISH I WAS THERE RVEN FUCKING MORE WYG

-GOD YOU ARE SO FUCKING CHEKHOVS GUN

- i was chilling with dirty details and NOW ITS THIS YOU ARE AMAZING

- head of the head of the head IN THEIR HEADS

- PROZAC RIDDLED FUCKS LIKE ME… are you actually on prozac… no?

- WHY IS FAK BERE?? GO FUCKING HOME

- best friend FAK? we will talk about best friend fak later

- i love this website commentary- i had to make a website once and it was the worst experience of my life

- of course chip would learn web design

- GET HIM CARMEN FUCKINF GET HIS ASSSSSS

- WE DONT PLAY IN CHICAGO (this is so my city vs london in the uk)

- ROAD TRIP SQUAD OH MY FUCKING GOD

- i was wondering what he meant by dusty and dead… i get it now

- tip your servers and don’t ask for their numbers

- one thing richie believes is fuck the feds (even the paramedics)

*deep breath*,,, moving on

they need to kiss rn like they just do while he imagines food she imagines drinks. i would say i love you? so just fucking say it AND FUCKING KISS ALREADY

your writing, like it really is fucking amazing

oh my god

THEY KISSED TEEHEE TEHEE I AM LITERALLY KICKING MY FEET

i love the bear fandom all uniting on the fact that carmy likes having his hair pulled. like there is one consistency across all fanfictions and it is that carmy will whine when someone pulls on his hair

*chekovs gunshot* she gets headaches when she smokes, she likes the taste of his mouth, he wants to fly her to paris. these were all in one sentence YOU ARE TOO GOOD

“I want you to be permanent and carved in my tables and I want you to wear my jackets and I want you in my kitchen and in my menu and in every dumb fucking conversation I have at Christmas tellin’ family what the fuck I’m doing�� I want you in every sentence.”

i’m going to do a full analysis on this… this is fucking literature i don’t know what else to say.

FAK GO AWAY I WANT THEM TO FUCK COME ON DUDE

another thing consistently in the best fanfic. carmen is a biter

the mood is not dead FUCK ALREADY

i was so worried the vibe ending would be the end of the chapter and i would have cried THANKYOU FOR WRITING SO MUCH I LOVE YOU AND YOUR RIDICULOUS WORD COUNTS

SYD IS HER OLD CAT, this is why her and carmy are so good as coworkers

you are genuinely unbelievable

“get your weird little hands off my chip you perv “they’re not weird little hands” “why is that what you dispute” they are children

i don’t feel that i can really say anything on how you wrote the scene of richie and chip after because it cannot suffice in saying how good you are at this

go away dee dee i just got a smudge of happiness

oh sugar how i’ve missed you

the. first. christmas. without. mikey.

only the girls who babysat get chip

fucking rich boy carmy thinks he’s bad now he got payed. OKG I SAID THIS BEDORE I RVEN READ THE CHARMIN LINE WE ARE THE SAME (jk you are better than me)

he wants her soooo bad

OH MY GOD. she is making him watch ratatouille. carmen you literally are a weird rat . like you are THE WEIRD RAT

of course she’s a makeup cleansing balm user that is my queen bitch. also she wants to wear converse she’s so cringe i love her

he wants her on his team!?!!

aw he’s thinking a normal carmy amount like he’s helping her plan outfits and he’s ensuring they include her accent colour so say yes to being on his team pls

yeah carmy wants the apron to be easy to take off too LOL

richie the certified on god boy

you are the queen of stupid and meaningless (not stupid at all) stuff that is actually very meaningful

he is so big brother energy (richie)

the younger siblings taking turns to sit in the console i love this it is so real

they say they’ll be happy about it but they’ll curse you behind your back

you recognise all of it. it’s nearly enough to make you cry. - ouch

HE RAN INTO MY KNIFE. HE RAN INTO MY KNIFE 10 TIMES

AND DONE

this chapter was the emotional relief i needed fuck

YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT FUCKING TIME IT IS!!!!!!!

sometimes. we simply need a reminder that time is linear LMAO. listen. is it fourth wall breaking or just dissasocciation? Maybe both. Maybe it's mabelliyne.

NOT SKINNY LMAOOO as a plus size girl, I truly was considering writing in somewhere a moment of Chip awkwardly having to crawl up on the counter (how do people do just jump on the thing? i do not have that power)

I fear I'll never let go of my shoe motif. I fear I'll actually never let it drop.

Parasocial Chip my beloved,,, man I gotta write blurbs of her in her crush era when she didn't know Carm yet. SOMEONE REQUEST IT How are you NOT supposed to find this Denmark Virgin with a LOT of jean jackets hot??!?!?! he's charming!!! also you're BOTH losing at the not-awkward-lympics.

i truly have to reastablish the timeline by saying 'month ago' because if i dont i will truly forget where we are in time. i'm almost certain i've gotten dates wrong anyways. it's fine, the revisions will fix it alright it's fine.

THANK YOU I TRY TO TALK ABOUT THROATS IN A FUN WAY. I guess honestly I feel emotional in my throat, when I get emotional. Like. If I get mad or sad or guilty, it sort of closes up a bit? Feels hollow? And did I assume everyone's throat does that? yeah possibly. but it worked out.

i do NOT engage in da tumblr discourse much, esp when it comes to hating characters in general, but I hope everyone has eased up on my boy since taking a step back. Man is going through a lot. I also just think like man, I have certainly not been the most cognizant of other's needs when I'm in a stage or high stress fight or flight--- And certainly if those needs aren't made clear--- dog, I'm doublin down!!! that's truly the biggest difference I think with CK and The Bear diverging--- We communicate in dis house.

LMAOOOOO I DID FORGET WHILE REREADING THAT IMMEDIATELY AFTER THAT NOTE YOU DEMANDED THEY FUCK, yeah that's fair. I keep thinking it's gonna happen and pushing it honestly. these assholes are gonna get married before they get down with it, good lord. someone get them a room that isn't a bathroom.

also this Mikey thing. with the thoughts. was honestly so mindblowing. I know that's weird because I'm the writer, but I see what you're saying completely!! I've always had this weird style of like, second persion omniscient where it's Chip but sometimes I move in terms of the stream of consciousness to being her or someone else or no one; and the idea of that stream of consciousness being by in part, Mikey?? OHHHHH OHHHHHH BABBYYYY Totally puts so much stuff in a different context and I love it. canon it. canon it. i didn't come up with it but canon it.

DENY !! DENY!! CHIP THAT'S NOT YOU IN THE PHOTO!! I'm so glad people think chip is flawed. I know that's literally insane to say but I've had this horrific habit of categorizing flaws in my head as 'good flaws' and 'bad flaws', and 'good flaws' are the ones that make everyone elses life better and your life worse.

so.

need to seek a therapist about that a little bit. C

INSANE TO BE ALIVE LET ALONE BRITISH AND NOT KNOW WHO LADY DI IS???? but yknow what home boy probably wouldn't even be creative enough to say 'peoples' princess' as a diss. carmen/me ate with that.

when is this fucker not cooking. it's like that scene in Tick Tick Boom but romantic and NOT sad and bad. IT'S NICE TO BE THE ARTIST AND ARTIST AND MUSE AND MUSE ALRIGHT it's frankly my ideal relationship

bro i RIP my free edge of my nails off all the time when they get too long, and pick at my cuticle skin. I feel you. I dont have a therapist just yet but I feel you.

If Mikey was still alive to see his OTP happen, I truly don't know how he'd react. I think he'd be losing his mind in silence. Like has to put his fist in his mouth so he doesn't scream and ruin it.

I'm so glad the cat analogy was good, while writing it I was like "i wonder if this is anything" i'm glad it's something.

Fields v Berzatto was fun to write. It's what I think, if he was hyped up enough, what Carmen would do after having that S3 Finale talk with Fields. Like very much so when you leave an interaction and you're at home hours later like FUCK. i could've said this and this and this and this. And this is his moment to do so!!

Website talk truly comes from me having to make my own portfolio 3 separate times. I hated it. No one ever make me update my shit again.

I AM chekov's gun, but also it's just plot. i think we're just talking about plot progression LMAO

FELLAS IS IT CRAZY TO TELL SOMEONE YOU LOVE THEM BEFORE YOU'VE EVEN BEEN DATING FELLAS? FELLAS ANSWER ME. FELLAS.

the "i'm going to do a full analysis... i don't know what to say" made me laugh so fucking hard. continuing on. NEIL 'COCKBLOCK' FAK EVERYONE, thank you neil for once again saving me from having to write intimacy, you're my hero

man if i need to end at 20 chapters like i'm goaling to, THESE CHAPTERS NEED TO BE LONGGG I HAVE TO GIVE SO MUCH. so. this pattern of ridiculous word counts continues.

the two cats!! feline gang. get your PAWS off MY CHIP!!!

Can I just. so briefly touch on. I know my timeline is off in CK, because I think it's May/March 2023 in S3? Can't remember. It was dated in episode 2. But like. I am so mad about this. Because that means they skipped/didn't acknowledge:

November 15th, Mikey's birthday, first one without him. (Which, fun fact, and incidental, timeline wise in CK, this would probably be the day Carmen/Chip met since it's mid-late December for them?)

The First Christmas Without Mikey.

AND February 22nd, his Death Anniversary. are you fucking KIDDING ME? WE JUST SKIPPED ALL OF THIS IN THE RENO SKIPS? ARE YOU FUCKING JOSHING ME? THESE ARE SUCH INTEGRAL MOMENTS. NOW I HAVE TO MAKE EM UP MYSELF?!?!?! HELP ME OUT STORER PLEASE.

anyways. carmen thing's he's bad or wtv. too bad he's a weird rat.

i think carmen honestly loves dress up. like he owned so many jean jackets and jeans and also lived in denmark and New York. Like. he'd love to style Chip, truly. also wants her to be on his team and have an easily removable apron but that's neither here nor there.

I love stupid and meaningless that is deep with meaning!!! that's my memo baby that's my number!!

HE RAN INTO MY KNIFEEEEEE WATCH THE TAPES BACK HE KIND OF DID.

I would say more, but I HAVE to go put together chapter 15 and put it out for you. this is all to say thank you so much for your thoughts i remember reading them in the morning and gigglin and being late for work. good times. i always love to read your brain!!

[baekgufiles]

tell me what’s your wish !!

IN WHICH;; sunghoon doesn’t know what to get y/n for her bday (inspired by tomorrow x together’s wishlist)

“ It's all going wrong // I might as well confess // I like you ,,

PAIRING: p.sunghoon x fem!reader

GENRE: high school romance | fluff | bff to lovers

WORD COUNT: 0.9k words

WARNINGS: nothing but a little bit of cursing I think(? (lmk if there’s anything else pls)

A/N: I’ve been holding onto this since I opened my tumblr out of panic if it’s good enough or not :(( I hope to publish more often from now onwards ^^

Just like any other day, the guys were laying around in Jake’s living room, waiting for their turn to come while Niki’s and Heeseung’s game was taking more than expected.

— Are you planning to finish today? Because I might just leave, I have a present to buy— Sunghoon exclaimed after some other complaints from the boys.

— You haven’t bought y/n’s gift yet?— Sunoo gasped dramatically.

— Dude, you’re in problems— Jay added— Remember what she got you last year? She outdid all of us.

— Not me. I knew Noona’s present would be better, so I tagged along— Niki replied, his eyes still fixed on the tv screen.

— Yah, that’s not fair— it was Jungwon who talked this time —Noona always has the best ideas.

— Shut up, you all are making me feel guilty— Sunghoon interrupted.

— As you should— Sunoo answered, sassily— How come you haven’t got her anything? Her birthday it’s like what? Next week?

— In five days— he responded, almost in a whisper, while brushing his hair with his hand— The thing is, I’ve been meaning to trick her into telling me something she wants; but somehow I always get distracted— he confessed, frustrated.

— What if you just tell her that you have the biggest crush on her already— said Jake, while eating some jelly.

Sunghoon felt his face becoming hotter— W-what?— he stuttered.

— Hyung, we are not stupid, you obviously like noona— Jungwon spoke.

— And she likes you back— Heeseung added, finally winning the game. Sunghoon just blushed even more.

— Actually, it would be a gift to all of us having you two date— Jay commented.

— Yeah, it’s getting weirder being around when you get all lovey dovey— Niki agreed. In that moment, the boy buried his face in a pillowcase while the rest of the friend group kept making fun of him.

🎧☁️🫖🩹

Sunghoon took a big breath before the class door. It was finally the day.

Although at first his friends’ words had sounded crazy to him, after putting some thought in the issue, he had realized they were right. Well, at least in some parts, since he was almost sure that the sentiments he felt towards his best friend were not reciprocate. But he was done holding himself back, he had taken the decision of confessing and nothing was stopping him.

Despite his determination, he started shaking the moment he saw the first person exiting the classroom. Regardless, he waited patiently, well aware that y/n usually took a long time during tests. He even saw Sunoo, who gave him a thumbs up before leaving.

— Sunghoon-ah! How can I have a worse luck, I just did horrible in that exam. And on my birthday!— he was spacing out, but the tension returned as soon as the well-known voice reached his ears.

— Hey. Are you okay?— the girl, now standing in front of him asked, preoccupied.

He quickly put on a smile —Yeah, sure. How could I be not okay if I’m here to pick you up for your birthday?

— I’ve just spoke to you informally and you are not angry at all?— she questioned back, rhetorically.

— That’s not- Wait. You did what?— his expression dropped, suddenly annoyed.

In a matter of seconds, they were running around the school; laughing while Sunghoon tried to catch the girl. They were already getting tired once they arrived to the backyard, when she tripped in the grass. He stepped out the pace, frightened.

— y/n! Are you okay?— he asked, bending over her. And before he could’ve realized, the younger had already dragged him towards the floor with her, laughing.

— You are a little disrespectful son of a-— he started rambling, sitting down beside her.

— Hoon— he was interrupted— Thanks. I thought that test would ruin my mood for the rest of the day, but you already made it so much better— she continued, encircling him with her arms— Seriously, thank you.

The boy became flustered under the physical contact. He moved backwards, slowly creating a distance between them; yet holding the younger one by the hands.

— y/n, there is something you need to know— he started, arousing her curiosity— And I don’t think I will be able to ever tell you if I don’t say it right now.

— Are you sure everything it’s okay? You’re scaring me— she responded, putting a hand on his shoulder.

— Yes! Yes. Just… I’ve been holding this for such a long time— he took what felt like the hundredth big breath of the day, rising his head to stare directly at his companion’s eyes— Shit, this is much more difficult than what Jake told me— the guy moaned while lying down on the ground and covering his face with his hands.

— I’m losing my patience, just tell me at once!— she exclaimed, hitting him on the side.

— Yah, that’s not how you treat someone who is confessing to you— he shouted back, instantly regretting it.

The silence grew between them. Sunghoon immediately stood up awkwardly, afraid of facing the younger who remained sat on the ground.

— That’s it?— she suddenly asked— That was the thing you were dying to tell?

— It may not be that important to you, but you could just say “I don’t like you back” instead of acting as if it was irrelevant— he sounded upset.

— Hoon, either you’re blind or just stupid— she laughed, walking towards him.

— Now I’m being insulted too?— he reclaimed, falsely resentful, his mood getting lighter with her giggling.

— Sunghoon! Can’t you tell already?— she smiled, standing right in front of him.

— I like you back, dumbass— that’s the last thing she said before dragging him on what became their first kiss.

@ baekgufiles masterlist

[starry-eyed-steve]

Stumbled across you and really enjoyed your takes on the show and the characters. There were multiple things that bugged me about S4 but by far my biggest peeve is that no one felt the need to apologize to Lucas or acknowledge the fact that he was putting his life in danger trying to keep tabs on his teammates. The show + Hellfire treats his decision to play basketball like some big betrayal when really, it's a kid expressing interest in two things equally. Just wish we got a scene for that.

I absolutely agree, Lucas never did anything wrong in this show, and I stand by that. He deserves better!!!

When Lucas looked around and saw those empty seats, knowing his friends didn't have his back. Or worse when they replaced him with his own sister, who was at every game and missed the one where he scored. My heart broke for him in that moment. To think that people who watched the show were pissed at Lucas for hanging out with his teammates when his friends let him down. I would have avoided them as well. And when he realized that something went wrong, he used his position to help his friends. Like, what do people want from him?

In general, it's weird how the show vilianises people who are popular, jocks and athletes. It's not like Lucas ditched his friends. He was still part of hellfire, but the show treats him like a villain for doing sports now. How are those people worse than Eddie, who shamed everyone in that cafeteria with his speech? He's also a judgmental asshole but because the show frames him as the underdog, his actions are not seen as bad. It seems like the Duffers have some unresolved high school trauma where a popular guy wronged them, and now everyone who isn't a loser nerd is essentially the devil.

Back to Lucas, like my boy deserves better plot than what he is given. Don't get me wrong I loved his storyline with Max, Lumax is my favorite ship in the show. But like I mentioned in another post, his struggles as a black kid often gets overshadowed for the romance plotline.

A huge factor as to why he played basketball was the fact that on top of the bullying his friends face, he also had to deal with racism. We deserved to see a Patrick and Lucas friendship where they discuss it or bond about it. If you think about it, the party never really gave a shit about this reason, and the show underplayed it as well. Instead, Lucas sports plot was framed as him turning his back to his friends, automatically painting him in a negative light, even though it wasn't true. He just wanted support from his friends, and they never delivered. If Will was there, I think he would have supported Lucas, knowing how it feels when your friends ridicule your hobbies. An apology from Dustin would have been the minimum. (Mike wasn't there for the plot) At least Erica apologized to him later, but still. Eddie should have spent a bit more time with Lucas and apologized as well. But that's never going to happen because the Duffers refuse to acknowledge they have this agenda towards jocks.

Another point that I wanted to see was Lucas struggling with Billy's death. I know this season was mostly about Max, and I loved how it was dealt with, but I wish we could have gotten Lucas POV as well. Of course, he wanted to be there for Max. He loves her, but it would have been difficult to emphasize after s2 when Billy attacked him for racial reasons. Billy never made it up to Lucas. He could have gotten the chance in s3, but the show killed him first episode and turned him into a monster. That's why I don't believe in a Billy redemption in s3 because the people he hurt (Lucas and Steve) never got an apology. So I really wanted to see Lucas's complicated feelings towards it. (I think it's the main reason Max kept her distance she knows Billy hurt her friends, so they might not understand her.)

In general, the show has a huge problem with how they portray their black characters. Lucas's experiences with racism are not taken seriously. Most of his arc is about a white girl (nothing against Max, seriously, I love them together). Erica is a stereotypical sassy black girl with a big mouth, and when she got tackled by this grown ass man in vol2, nobody really bat an eye. Patrick was the least developed Vecna victim, Fred and Chrissy got so much more screen time. So you can clearly see the pattern through the show.

Lastly, because of the limited amount of time, the show can't address anything. Especially in s4, the plot was super tight. They had to cut out so much. I blame the useless Russian plot because that was so unnecessarily. Anyway, with more time and with more episodes, the plot could have spread out more. The characters would get time to breathe and interact with others more. Traumas could be dealt with in a better, more genuine way as well. But we are stuck with 9 episodes per season. Something has to be cut, and we can't forget the show is created by two white men. Of course, they are not sensible when tackling racist matters. (Btw Caleb also deserves so much better. The fact that he wasn't invited to talk shows and is always kinda left out is absolutely horrible. Plus, the hate he got in s1 just because his character wasn't a big fan of El is unacceptable)

[zionchubby14]

Been thinking and feeling guilty...

I'm sitting here feeling bad about something that, in my rational, logical mind, I shouldn't feel bad about. But in my irrational brain, I feel like I'm misleading some people and holding others back.

Let me explain.

I am not in any relationship, nor have I ever been in one that was grade school puppy love (still think about her [yes, I said her. I was in 2nd-3rd grade and I fell hard for this one girl in my class. I even fought some other boy in my class over this girl, I was so "in love" with her at the time, and cried when she moved away]). I have never experienced any of the highs and lows of a relationship. I have had potential ones, but they never became official.

I, then met Joey after he and his then partner, Marc, took me in when I was at my lowest. They made me a better person than I was back then and I wouldn't trade away any of my time with them. Family problems made me go back home, but I took the advice they gave me and got me to get back to school and get my degree (which I don't use because there's no tech support jobs in a suburban farm town).

Things with Joey started to develop and I flat out told him one day that I loved him, because he made me laugh, he made me feel better about myself, he was a rock for me in my darkest times. He reciprocated these feelings and I wanted to be with him from now on.

But the biggest obstacle ever came about: long distance. He lives in Washington, and I in Michigan. We talk to each other on a frequent basis, but it's not the same as being in the same room with each other. I know we are not an official couple, and I call it wishful thinking, thinking that we are. But I want it to be, I want to be in the same room as he is and hug him ever so tightly.

I don't know when we'll ever be together again. I hope soon, but time and money have never been kind to me. So it hurts me so much to see him not looking for someone who loves and cares for him like I do. I feel like I'm holding him back from finding his perfect mate.

I also feel like because of my love for him is holding me back from finding that same love. I want to make friends and build relationships with others, but I stop myself every time because, in my heart, if I find someone else, my heart won't be 100% theirs. On top of that, if I find that someone, I break Joey's heart.

So now you know why I feel so bad. I know there's no right rational answer for how I am feeling. But I can't help feel how I feel about this.

[aberdamo4]

A friend told me recently that she thinks I write nicely, so I threw some thoughts together and tried to write something else today. I’ll leave it here, and it goes something like this:

There’s a yearning, maybe, but then I’m not sure,

There’s some sort of feeling, but I don’t know it anymore,

For a time and for a place,

For a girl and for a face,

That could light up a room from a mile away,

And turn the darkest of nights into brightest of days.

For an accent, for a tone,

Whispered in my ear, or through the phone,

To call me “honey”, and to remind me that my heart was hers alone.

For a kiss so gentle that it wouldn’t stir the air,

But so loving and powerful that I wouldn’t have cared

If hers were my first and my last pair of lips,

Or my hands never held another two hips.

But now…

I remember the time when, after our love’s death,

I wanted her back more than I wanted my next breath,

I yearned and I prayed “make me good enough for her”,

As I wandered through woodland of Great Reds and fir,

“Or at least let me get home, and try to repair,

Not wallow and stupor in dark and despair”

And now things are different, some 14 years hence,

And the outlook is different from over the fence,

Of the school where I’m “Sir” now, and not just a boy,

The school where my childhood has blossomed as joy,

For now puzzles and games are the blood of my work,

And my studies are no longer chores but bring perks,

Such as smiles and laughs and jokes with my friends,

And even a giggle from my boss who pretends

That she loves all the same problems I do,

But my biggest problem… is still loving you.

Still thinking and falling all over again,

For your dark green eyes and 5-foot frame.

For your smile that now only lights up my dreams,

Until dawn when my dreamworld is ripped at the seams,

By sunlight peeking through my wooden blind,

To tell me to get up, get back to the grind,

So I’ll be off for another day, off to my desk,

And things will be lovely, at least lovely-esque

Until sometime, inevitably, you dance again through my heart,

And my day makes a u-turn, back to the start,

Where I wish I could be back in my dreamworld,

And see you once more, my always dreamgirl.

Then suddenly I know the feeling once more,

The feeling that tells me now and evermore,

That in my heart there will always be space,

For you to come back with that smile on your face.

That smile that could take the darkest of night,

And produce instead a day so astonishingly bright,

That I lose track of time and of thought and of place,

And repeat words and lines at a frightening pace.

So I’ll go now before I write this whole thing again,

Still praying that, somehow, we’re not at the end…

[kingofangst]

LIAM DUNBAR APPRECIATION ONE SHOT

NOT PSYCHOTIC

(GIF not mine)

---This post is in regards to a prompt I saw from @liamdunbarappreciation and it has to do with his anger, emotions and it ties to season 4 with the final coffin of his IED amplified by his werewolf status. Enjoy---

Liam, or rather, the kid with explosive anger, is what many would say. He never could explain his pure rage. He never could tell why he would have these intense episodes of anger, especially when he is provoked. He could never make those around him believe what he did was an accident, or something he didn't mean to do. But sadly, those around him would never believe him or his words, they would all direct it at his anger issues.

The very same anger issues he could not control when they occurred. That wasn't the only thing he couldn't control. He couldn't control his emotions as well. The days he would snap when he was provoked, he would feel immense guilt and melancholy about his actions after calming down. Unfortunately the damage he created would have been done and too late to fix. Leaving him to wallow in guilt, shame, and sadness.

He hated when someone tells him to calm down. He absolutely hated it. It only made his anger worse and that would skyrocket to great heights, which would cause more damage done by him.

"How does it happen? When you get angry and start to snap?" His best friend since childhood, Mason asks. He's the only friend and person who never judged him or was scared of him because of his anger issues.

"It's like…I see red. Pure red. Plus this intense and violent side of me that just wants to punch, scream and break things. Like there's no other image and because of that I let my anger get the best of me and I just let loose."

It's all Liam could describe because that's what he sees, and what he feels. And then after whatever damage he's done, he becomes riddled with shame and regret of his vicious actions.

He was never born with this extreme anger issue of his. In fact he never remembered having it alot, not until he started 4th grade and when his mom finally left the rotten, abusive bastard that was his father. That's when he started to feel these huge outbursts of anger and rage that cursed him.

He blames the horrible trauma his bastard of a father caused for him and his mom. He blames him for giving him these fiery anger issues he can't control.

His venom laced words when he says with anger, he doesn't mean to say, but it comes out before he can stop himself. And these poisonous, raged induced words hurt the feelings of those he cares for. From his best friend, to his mom and stepdad; who was a doctor and willing to help him manage his anger.

But it's the regret and hurt he feels when he verbally hurts his loved ones that he wishes he never had this problem.

Sometimes he thinks it's okay that if his mom should hate him, his stepdad should hate him. Even his best friend should hate him. But they don't hate him. They care and love him too much that they don't hate him and he can't seem to understand why would they still want to be with a lunatic, or a boy with volatile emotions. But it got worse. His anger…got worse.

He had 2-3 fights in a school year, due to someone always provoking him or bullying him which led to violent and drastic actions, leading to suspensions, expelled, and going to different schools.

6th grade…were one of his biggest regrets. He was provoked and insulted, and he was seeing red. What made him snap at the asshole was when they made homophobic slurs to Mason and that's when he punched the son of a bitch's mouth, seeing vermillion. Fists flying and blinded by his anger, he failed to register his surroundings until a fist made a sickening crack and the cry of a girl made him froze. But a fist came back at him and punched his nose, feeling a painful crack. His anger subsided to see a girl with Latina features enraged with a bloody fist out.

This, along with the boy he fought who was worse off with multiple bruises and cuts, led to Liam getting suspended. He was waiting for his mom and step-dad to berate him, hell even hit him since his dad did it.

But his stepdad did not hit him. Instead they did the opposite. His mom and stepdad agreed to help him. With the latter's methods. He thought of helping him in activities that would benefit his anger so long as it doesn't hurt no one and can help maintain that vicious anger, compared to the punch indents he would see in Liam's room.

His stepdad helps him with his anger issues, something that shocks him because no one has ever helped him with this. And Mason can only do so much to help, but he can't fault him for that.

His stepdad gets him into lacrosse. And that's when everything changes for the better���at least then.

Rather than punching walls, breaking things and hurting his fists, he would take his anger and energy into lacrosse and began honing his skills and strikes with his lacrosse stick and ball. The more he did it, the more it helped his anger and emotions. He even scored all of his shots in the net, which somehow made his anger subside.

Guess he was just that good

But unfortunately, all good things come to an end.

His coach at Devenford Prep benched him for an entire season of lacrosse. All because of several red cards he received in playing lacrosse. This left him in a boiling, uncontrollable rage that he blanked out from and he did the unthinkable.

He destroyed his coach's car. No, not by throwing rocks at it and or popping tires. He used a crowbar and broke it apart from window to window, bumper to bumper, tire to tire. He even broke the handles of the door, the headlights and spray painted his coach's car in bold and red words: THIS IS YOUR FAULT. He caused extreme damage to the car.

It became another big regret he did. Actually his biggest regret ever because not only did it get him expelled from Devenford Prep, it caused his friendships with Brett and the others to be severed.

His mom and stepdad were shocked, and petrified, at his most recent action. That made him instantly regret what he did because the damages had to be paid by his parents and he was sent to a psychiatrist for his psychotic behavior.

The psychiatrist diagnosed him with a violent anger condition. It was called Intermittent Explosive Disorder. Or for short, IED.

Liam, after hearing this, thought that he was mentally ill. He was a menace, and that having IED cursed his life. Having to be prescribed medication because he has anger issues. Having to control himself because he was a ticking time bomb. Having to keep his emotions in check because he didn't want to see the horrified looks of his mom and stepdad when he destroyed his coach's car.

Liam was convinced that he was a monster.

Then he transferred to Beacon Hills High where Mason attends, and things for him changed there.

From having a good day in school only to end in spraining his ankle in tryouts when two juniors who were also his teammates, Scott McCall and Stiles Stilinski, tried to prevent him from scoring again only for Scott to ambush him over the shoulder and hurt his ankle.

Liam was expecting to get disappointment from his stepdad at the hospital only for him to be reassured that he wasn't mad at him. But deep down, Liam still felt uncertain and melancholic. All because he struggles with his emotions and is an IED.

The disorder alone makes him feel chained and trapped to his demonic anger that he hates so much. Then it gets worse for him as the days go by. From Getting held hostage by a diabolical, cannibal man to seeing Scott turn into a FUCKING WEREWOLF, to getting bitten by him and kidnapped by him and placed in the bathtub of his older teammates house. To slamming a chair into Scott's back and punching Stiles in the face with the oh so familiar anger, to his ankle somehow mysteriously healing that same night, to all of a sudden hearing every type of sound and heartbeat of every student there. It did nothing but frighten and frustrate him because WHAT THE FUCK SCOTT DID TO HIM!?

Fearing he'd take out his explosive anger and frustration on Mason, he leaves, to get cornered by the very same juniors who injured him at tryouts and held him hostage in a bathtub. It didn't end well, because Liam was on the verge of exploding and beat the living crap out of the junior after Scott's declaration of stating that he and Liam were 'brothers' and that 'the bite is a gift'. Had it not been for Stiles's intervention of wording the phrase differently, Liam was going to break something or break either of their faces. The rage boiled within him but repressing it.

Then, it got worse. He thought that after being asked out and invited to a party by a girl named Kira, who fell down the stairs of the school much to his worry, things would change.

But the seething anger inside of him that was there this morning didn't disappear, instead it amplified. From hearing too much noises to his breathing labored and teeth clenched, his IED infused anger got stronger. His glance at the rearview mirror of the car showed him his face. The agitated anger with his laboring breathing, grinding teeth, and eyebrows forming the scowl he felt like snapping for no reason. Other than the exception of the fiery anger that was all over his body.

The moment he realized the empty courtyard of the lakehouse and lack of cars or Mason and attendees, he knew something was off, and just as he stepped in the house to see the very two juniors he despises very much now along with their classmates, he was prevented by Kira from leaving who was on their side as well. This began to spike the anger inside of Liam and it was threatening to explode. Something inside of him wanted to explode and go on a rampage.

After hearing that his upperclassmen were supernatural creatures which he couldn't believe minus Stiles, and Malia's changing eye color and finally Scott's mentioning of the full moon, Liam's blood began boiling.

"The Moon's already out." Liam snarls with dawning rage. His teeth were clenched, his heart racing like he ran a marathon.

"And you're starting to feel something, aren't you?" Scott, the one who bit him, asked.

Something inside of Liam snapped

"I feel like I'm surrounded by a bunch of psychotic nutjobs! You guys are out of your fucking minds! I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DID THAT EYE THING, AND I DON'T CARE! I'M WALKING OUT THE DOOR RIGHT NOW—AND IF ANYONE TRIES TO STOP ME I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GONNA—!" Through his clenched teeth, boiling blood, and volcanic rage, a screeching sound of tires invaded Liam's supernatural hearing, making him howl in pain at the noise. It was unbearable for him to hear.

Then everything was a blur afterwards.

One minute he was dragged away by Scott and Kira, then trying to hurt the Alpha werewolf in his rage to then being knocked out.

After that and waking up under the influence of the full moon, he saw crimson red. That's literally what he sees in his own vision after breaking free and once again attacking Scott. He wanted to hurt him. He wanted to make Scott into a gaping hole! He WANTED TO MAKE SCOTT BLEED!!!

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME!? THIS IS YOUR FAULT!!! THIS IS YOUR FAULT!!!" Liam roars in the Alpha's face, this newfound and terrifying power coursing his veins and IED infused anger that only increased further with his crimson vision and animalistic desire to hurt Scott due to the pure unadulterated rage that only thinks of him to be violent and angry.

The sound of an arrow whipping in the air and exploding beside him causes Liam to jump before running through the woods.

He didn't get far after seeing several of these silver, bright light stands surrounding him. The moment the lights began flashing, Liam begins screaming and howling in agony from these intense and high pitched noises that hurt his ears and hearing, rattling his brain. It was painful and mind blogging that made him shift back to his human form.

When those things were turned off by Scott, the very familiar feelings of guilt, shame, and sadness. He smelled blood and realized he scratched Scott from his rage. The venomous words that slipped out of his mouth from his vicious episode that he said to Scott, to Stiles, to Lydia, to Kira, to Malia…he felt immediate sorrow for calling them psychotic nutjobs, when he feels like a psychotic nutjob for what just transpired and transforming into a werewolf.

"What is happening to me?" Liam asks to the upperclassmen Alpha werewolf. His voice was hoarse, broken and guilty. He knew his aggression was bad, but…not this brutal. He felt like a monster. Maybe he was born a monster before getting bitten.

"The same thing that happened to me." Scott replies, staring at Liam in what appears to be a reminiscent and empathetic gaze. The freshman heard another heartbeat nearby but was too caught up in his emotions to even care.

Liam's vision was blurry, eyes stinging with salty water. He always wanted to be a good person. He wanted to make others feel like he isn't a bad person. That he is this athletic, video gamer, chivalrous, cocky and social teenager wanting to feel accepted.

But after all the things that happened from late elementary school to now, he doesn't deserve another chance. He really doesn't, but now he's scared. Scared that his mom and his stepdad find out he is a werewolf. Another thing to add for them to think that he is a monster.

"I can't…they can't know about this. My mom…my stepdad…I can't do this to them again." He stutters out. He feels a tear cascade down his face.

"What do you mean again?" Scott asks in concern

"I got kicked out of school." Liam clarifies. He hold back a sob before continuing. "I deserved it. The way…they looked at me what did to that car…" He trails off, his emotions becoming unbearable and the oxygen starting to bind his lungs like a large weight pressed against them. He was having trouble breathing.

"Liam-"

"They can't see me like this." He cries out, tears spilling down. He inhales heavily as he begins to hyperventilate. "Like…like a…psychotic—" Monster.

"—Like a monster." Scott finishes for him. The word alone stabbed Liam like a million arrows. He wished that word never existed. He closes his eyes to prevent anymore tears from spilling out, tired of being seen vulnerable and weak. But he felt Scott move, standing in front of him.

"Liam…" The Alpha—his Alpha calls out to him.

"You're not a monster. You're a werewolf, like me."

Those words, made Liam open his eyes, gaze up at Scott. The upperclassmen had a genuine smile on his face. This shocked Liam. Because no one ever smiled at him for his actions that he regrets, no one not ever called him a monster, minus Mason who didn't berate him for his IED. No one ever lifts him a hand from his melancholic shame, just like Scott is doing right now.

"You're a good person Liam. A charismatic person, a way better athlete than I am in lacrosse, and a werewolf with a human heart. You're not psychotic. You're a person and a werewolf with feelings.

Liam stares at his Alpha with wonder, admiration and…genuine. Because the warmth radiating behind Scott's Alpha aura was peaceful and caring. Like Liam meant someone to him, like he was being seen as a person and not a monster.

Scott's smile and friendly nature made him feel like he was accepted. That he mattered to Scott.

The dark and negative weight on his chest was lifted and replaced with reassurance, with warmth, and with stability. The tears in his eyes vanished and he felt relieved in some way. It was a breathtaking feeling, like a bond was forming between him and Scott.

"Don't worry about the other packmates. They know you don't mean those words." Scott tells him. Liam had other ideas.

"No. I–I want to apologize to then. I want to apologize for what I said and how much I mean those apologies." Liam replies, a mixture of anxiousness and determination in his face.

Scott simply nods with a smile. "We should head back, so that they don't worry." He looks between his beta and Chris. Liam nods before walking with Scott. A ghost of a smile is on the freshman lips.

Maybe…things won't turn out bad as they will be even if he has a long turbulent road ahead of him.

---I hope you enjoyed this one shot and I have a bunch of back up work for Liam Dunbar Appreciation week but I will be posting them soon! Thank you @liamdunbarappreciation for the inspiration and content!---

[starlightrosari]

As a kid, my dysphoria was always prevalent, especially in middle school and High school, but I confused it for the desire to look more mature and womanly. I was a late bloomer, and the idea of being a sexy woman was appealing to me, but felt so impossible given how twig like and small my body was. I wore kids clothes for a long time and hated the style of girls clothes, but once I could wear women’s clothes I finally felt somewhat cute in what I wore. So it was easy to think then my struggle was not being feminine enough, yet within all that time I really wanted to be and dress like a boy, I just yet again didn’t think I could because my body was too small to pull it off. The idea of going back to the kids section to get boys clothes felt shameful to me after working so hard to get to a point of fitting in adult clothing. I started envying androgynous tall woman who could do both women’s clothes and men’s. Even in cosplay, I was interested in cosplaying boys but thought I’d look ugly if I did so I never tried it despite really wanting to. I entirely missed that my desire to look like boys but never acting on it was because of dysphoria stopping me because I didn’t feel I’d suit the look. It was easy to mistake the dysphoria for just wanting to look more mature since a lot of it was placed on how short and petite I am, so I also thought maybe cosplaying sexy women who also seemed impossible for me to cosplay would feel liberating, but instead I only cosplayed cute girls since that was all I knew how to do. I was interested in growing curvy because I thought I’d look more mature if I did, which I was desperate for. I was excited if my hips, chest, or butt grew, but not as excited as if I grew taller, and my chest growing started to get uncomfortable over time, and I hated my big thighs (I think I only liked my hips growing because it made my thighs look more proportionate/ slightly less big, my hips never grew big anyways). Meanwhile that whole time, what I really wanted was to be tall and androgynous. I watched trans fem YouTubers obsessively to try and validate that I was comfortable in my gender assigned at birth, watching them for advice on how to hyper feminize myself and look mature and pretty, like I was convinced I wanted. But I didn’t feel comfortable in hyperfemininity and wound up starting to dress androgynous anyways. I didn’t connect with the gender euphoric feeling of being a woman and being referred to as one that trans women described either. I started noticing how dysphoric it made me to be referred to as a girl all the time, and how fed up I was by my small dainty body that I didn’t know how to style like a boy. Everyone talks about how easy and accepted it is for women to dress gender nonconforming, but it wasn’t for me. My mother didn’t let me cut my hair until middle school and even then it took me till I was 19 to have the courage to try short short hair. I was so small that shopping for boys clothes actually felt dysphoria triggering to my biggest problem of being small. Despite my body not having curves, I didn’t feel androgynous and sexy, I felt like a little girl. So I tried to repress the dream of being a boy, since I didn’t see people like me being boys. But then I saw trans men and nonbinary people of my height do their things, and the desire to be a boy became harder to repress as the shame started to fade. I didn’t “not have dysphoria” as a little kid, in fact I thought about wishing to be a boy or wanting to get boys clothes all the time, it’s just my interest in feminine clothing came in result to the size dysphoria I had and still needing to explore gender fully.

[koumodletsgo]

Still learning Maya to nobody's surprise, but I'm actually doing it within a dedicated school !! Which also means that we all get to do an end of year production where each class (programmers, artists, designers) gets put into mixed groups and each group makes a game, which is really cool except the artists workflows collide sometimes and other times, corners get cut where they really shouldn't be. SO, currently, my production has mildly been set back because the person in charge of modelling the main character cut a tonne of corners. I'm talking faces on the inside of the mesh where they wouldn't be seen, high poly shoes compared to an otherwise low poly character, lack of appropriate topology around the wrists to allow them to deform properly when they bend. And greatest of all, the hair looked like it had been made purely up of deformed spheres, which wouldn't have been a problem if our artist had actually deleted the excess faces that wouldn't of been seen, combined them properly so that they weren't just all separate pieces, and just general topology count management. Our character was meant to be in a low poly style but she's ended up with a count of 20k. Just removing the unseen faces on the inside of the mesh ALONE has reduced the count by 3k. So I'm the one who's fixing all of this which is fun great yay. The biggest thing I wished had happened sooner was that this was bought up. This model went through 2 other people before it got to me and nobody batted an eye at the topology, they just worked around it. So, long story short, she was already rigged, weight-painted, and textured before this was bought up. And if you know anything about weight-painting and texturing, especially UV maps, that's really bad. Speaking of UV maps, they weren't actually done properly, it was an auto unwrap, so thats another thing i need to do. Idk if they were hoping they could ignore it or what but the character flat out crashes unreal when we try to import her so it has to be fixed unfortunately. And since we're already halfway through production and this should be well and truly done by now, I'm gonna need to try and get all of this fixed within the next 3 days. But I'll only have 2 because I'm working tomorrow. Oh boy

[flirting-with-psychology]

Created by drapes

Do you want the last dream you had to come true?

No, it was a Bird Box situation

When did you last talk to the person you’d most wanna talk to right now?

Like 5 minutes ago

What kind of pill did you last take?

Advil sinus

Do you like wearing glasses?

Not really, they get annoying after while

Does your mom know the last person you hung out with?

Yes

What were you doing 4 hours ago?

Getting ready for a walk

What would you most like to eat right now?

More candy

How long were you last in the car for?

Like 10 minutes

What is something good that happened last weekend?

I saw Wicked

Do you like holding hands or do you think it’s stupid?

I like it

The last song you heard, what does it make you think of?

It makes me imagine the musical it's in

How’d you get your last injury?

Don't know, maybe wearing high heels

What do you like about your birthday?

Doing things with my friends

Do you like being home alone at night?

I don't care

What first comes to mind when thinking of 10th grade?

Probably which boys I liked

What’s the scariest thing that’s happened to you?

Experiencing the pandemic

Has an ambulance ever came to your house?

No, but a firetruck has because I thought the CO2 monitor was going off

The person you’re thinking about- what are you thinking about them?

Nothing really

When did you last skip class?

Back in college

Do you like the shape of your fingernails?

They're fine

Did you look at your fingernails for the question above?

Yes

Whose pool did you last swim in?

My apartment complex

What’s something you like about your 3rd hour?

My what?

Is formspring a good idea?

What?

Should there be world peace?

Sure but it's idealistic

What’s your biggest problem at the moment?

Being unemployed

What’s the cutest thing someone’s ever done for you?

My boyfriend's cute nickname for me

Would you be surprised if the person you like texted you?

No

What’s one thing you can’t stand about your school?

The film program kind of sucked

When did you last see a police car?

I don't remember where it was

Have you ever hugged the person you wish you were with right now?

Yes

Why aren’t you doing something more productive than this?

Because I'm lazy

How many people know about the last person you kissed?

Everyone

How many different cars have you driven?

3 or 4

What did you do on Thursday?

I had band practice

What color was the last thing you drank?

Clear

What do you do on Fridays?

Depends

Did you kiss a lot of people last year?

No, just one

Have you ever had to take desperate measures in a desperate situation?

Probably

What door did you last open besides any on your house or car?

The apartment clubhouse

What is the meaning of life?

Idk

[un-aesthetic]

Chapter 1 of whatever tf this is. Intro to the family.

Every family had a smell. I was absolutely adamant about that growing up as a child. Whenever i'd go to some family friend's house, there was always a smell associated with them, their house, and clothes. It wasn't a repulsive or putrid smell at all- it was just, distinct. If my friends would lend me clothes, or if they'd come over and leave something at my place- i'd immediately know whose it was. Though, the weird thing was that I never recognised a smell, or anything symbolic that would stand out to me from my own family. Maybe it was because i'd just gotten to used to it, or maybe my family was so distanced and fragmented that there was nothing associated with us. I guess i'll just never know.

Some days, I think that the world to me was small as a child, and my issues were minor. But I never savored that peace- i was just so adamant to just grow up and leave. I regret that descision now- honestly i started regretting wasting my childhood as a young teenager, but I don't think I ever did anything about it. Maybe that's why my teenage years also passed away quicker than ever. People say it's a universal experience, that everyone regrets their teenage years, wishes something else happened, so maybe i'm normal. But other days, i'm happy I grew up- legally of course. I'm happy I left everything, it would've been worse back there.

Divorce had drawn a jagged line through my childhood, splitting my world in two and leaving me caught in the chasm between my parents' fractured lives. I was only maybe five or so, when they split. Although i'm not sure if i'd prefered them together or apart. It's kind of sad, now that I think about it, because I was alone back then, and i feel like i was the only person that was affected by it. My younger brother was only a few months old when it happened, he didn't have to experience anything. In a sense, this was a good, and bad thing.

My parent's were fucked as soon as they'd gotten married. They were both born and raised in India as part of rich families- and they'd been arranged to get married. My mother was the youngest of four, around 24, and my father was the oldest of 2, around 28, when they'd gotten married. My mother was sort of a fire- passionate but also raging, she was dedicated but let her emotions out of control easily. Perhaps this was because she was sort of spoiled growing up, having two older sisters and an older brother to do her work, help her through her tantrums, and she never had financial problems, being allowed most things she wanted.

She'd just finished one of her degrees and was certified to teach English at one of the schools part of my family owned- she wanted to become a professor and get another degree, but she'd gotten married. This meant that her husband now 'owned' her and would decide if she were to continue her studies or not.

I don't believe my father was that cruel- but his biggest issue was that he was a mama's boy. And his mother- aka my grandma, was the biggest fucking cunt alive. She was basically one of those evil and fucked up mother-in-laws that you'd see in tv- she'd just want everyone's lives to be worse, specifically my mothers- and she was a grand manipulator too. And everyone knew that she was also a stubborn, undiagnosed pathological liar. Honestly, in the few times i'd unluckily met her, she'd strike me as similar to my own mother- not in the pathalogical liar part, my mother was straight-forward- but in the stubborn way. Both of them were incredible stubborn.

Naturally, she just wanted everyone's downfall for no reason whatsoever, so she told my father to stop my mother's education- and him being his mother's little dog, he did it.

My grandfather though, was probably the most level-headed person in the family. He'd always try to take my mother's side- but again he was a weak man like my father- despite knowing what's wrong and what's right, he'd just stay in the shadows of his wife- my grandmother.

He was sweet though. Most memories of me living in that hellhole with my father's side of my family were mainly with him. Despite being unable to yell at his wife, he was still incredibely comforting. Taking me on walks, buying me things- he used to order pani puri (an indian dish) for me every day as a child because i'd love it so much. (this was later stopped by my mother because it was unhealthy) My family had the same opinion of him. Although, I heard stories from my family that he was also quite stubborn (runs in the family i suppose), that he was picky with his food, and he would hate when people moved things around even an inch in his room- which to be fair, is quite similar to things I do. In the end, he was probably my favourite family member from my father's side- I liked him more than my father to be fair. I just wished he'd have more courage.

My uncle- or my father's younger brother- was a different story. He was the exact copy of his mother- same snake-like person. Although he was more of a 'i fucking hate this family and i don't care about any of this.' Which wasn't too bad to be honest, he was just absent- and he talked down on some of my grandmother's behaviour a lot- which i was grateful for.

Most of my family lived in North India- althought one of my aunt's family were living in Mumbai as well. We were hella mixed- not really 'belonging' to a specific state. This was important because in India- states are basically like different countries at this point. Each state spoke a very different language, had different customs, more different religions, etc. To put this in perspective, India has over 700 languages spoken in it, but there's only 28 states and 8 Union territories. So some parts of my family were in Kashmir and Jammu- near war, some were in Punjab, running business and taking care of most of our farm property, and some lived in Dehli and Mumbai. But we were mostly situated in Haryana- my father's family as well- althought thankfully they were on completely different sides of Haryana. We lived in Rohtakh, and they lived in Karnal. Some of family from my mother's side was also from Spain- making me 23% hispanic- and some left in Pakistan after the division in 1947, making me 12% Pakistani, and also Arabic and Australian (we live in Australia now) from my father's side. But I was still mainly Indian.

So like every 5 or so years, we'd have this whole flight shenangin where for a month of two we'd first go india, then Spain, then Dubai (not Pakistan for obvious reasons sadly- we're honestly not even that connected in pakistan, we just know names), and finally finishing in India, before going back to Australia. This was so we'd able to at least keep ties and keep in touch with all my family across the globe. I actually enjoy the diversity of my family though- I remember going to my cousin's quinceanera- although they live in the US now.

So yeah, sometimes growing up I felt a bit weird- not really from the ethnicity bit, but mainly because of the lot of religions in my family. Although the closest to me were all Hindus- sometimes it felt a bit weird meeting the Muslim part of my family. It wasn't too difficult hanging our the Catholic part of my family though, as I lived in Australia and went to Catholic Private schools. But to be honest, I enjoy all the religions- we all follow God, so to me personally, religion just means to believe in God and be a good person- and the only difference is to receive that message through whatevers associated to your religion- whether is be the Quran, the Bible, or The Vedas.

(to be continued ig???)

So, i just kind of wanna write like a story- mostly kind of just based off of my life, how i feel about it and what happens in it- but with different charcaters obviously and stuff. Maybe because like i have a journal- but i can't write like daily recaps and all that shtuff- so i want to kind of make it into a small book, but like the book is just about significant stuff that i remember in life. Idk how to explain it lol. Basically just a freebie book, that probably will never have an ending and it'll just be a bunch of chapters about random shit- not even chapters, like broken paragraphs tbh lol. So ig that was kind of the opening chapter. (also guys gimma title ideas cuz idk wtf to write in this.) Also this'll have no tags btw.

[donttalkaboutmemes]

Dinosaur (2000) Sentence Meme

Under the cut you will find 110 sentences from Dinosaur to use for your enjoyment!      

1.      “Some things start out big, and some things start out small. Very small. But sometimes the smallest thing can make the biggest changes of all.”

2.      “Oh, I always have to go when stuff’s happening.”

3.      “It’s a cold-blooded monster from across the sea. Vicious, flesh-eating.”

4.      “You keep that thing, one day we’ll turn our backs, it’ll be picking us out of its teeth.”

5.      “Things like that eat things like us as snacks.”

6.      “You’d better hurry up. It looks hungry.”

7.      “It’s okay. We’ll teach him to hate meat.”

8.      “Watch his head. I…I mean watch it. He could bite.”

9.      “This monster’s got no teeth. What’s he gonna do, gum us to death?”

10.   “Look at that sweet little face. Does that look like a monster to you?”

11.   “Come on! Pick on somebody your own size!”

12.   “It’s a shame you don’t like kids.”

13.   “Let’s hope he’s found some new material.”

14.   “I’m known as the professor of love and school’s in session!”

15.   “I’m a raging epidemic of romance.”

16.   “To hear him tell it, he put the prime in primate.”

17.   “Listen and learn from the master.”

18.   “Don’t jump into the trees after the first boy with a cute backflip.”

19.   “It’s more fun if you keep them guessing.”

20.   “If I cute backflip doesn’t work, guess.”

21.   “You’re never going to forget this day, so make it one to remember.”

22.   “If you mess up, don’t worry. They’ll never remember.”

23.   “Make ‘em look good, son.”

24.   “With my charm and your brains, no problem.”

25.   “Look what just pulled into town.”

26.   “Hey, haven’t you heard? I am the action!”

27.   “The clan still has one bachelor.”

28.   “It’s never really been his best event.”

29.   “He’s got a tougher hide than mine.”

30.   “If only there was someone on this island for you.”

31.   “There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

32.   “Walkin’ backwards, huh? Well, let me know if that gets you there any father.”

33.   “Keep those little legs movin’ or you’ll get left behind.”

34.   “All this pushing and shoving about, just for a place to sleep. I’m not used to this kind of behavior.”

35.   “You wanna get to the nesting grounds alive? Show some backbone.”

36.   “He doesn’t normally warm up to strangers.”

37.   “This is my family. We’re all that’s left.”

38.   “It is the most beautiful place there is, child.”

39.   “Will we find anybody that looks like us there?”

40.   “The last few days, I’ve seen ‘em all shapes and sizes. Who knows what we’ll find.”

41.   “The hard job now is just getting there.”

42.   “An older woman like myself, it’s…well…it’s positively indecent.”

43.   “Why aren’t you uphill with the young bloods?”

44.   “Hm. Let the weak set the pace. Now there’s an idea.”

45.   “Better let me do the thinking from now on.”

46.   “Don’t worry. That’s how my brother treats newcomers. No matter how charming they are.”

47.   “You sure know how to catch a girl’s eyes there, stud.”

48.   “I couldn’t be catching nobody’s eye if I was you.”

49.   “Since when do we take orders from the likes of him?”

50.   “I could hold that monsters brain in the palm of my hand.”

51.   “Better to keep our heads down with this bunch than get ‘em bitten off by those things.”

52.   “You just consider yourself lucky that’s all that’s following us.”

53.   “Hey, wake up. Enough with the beauty sleep. You’re ravishing already.”

54.   “I believe you left a wake-up call for the dawn of time.”

55.   “The charm never stops around here.”

56.   “Unless you got a death wish, you and that little parasite better get moving!”

57.   “I made a real impression on her.”

58.   “That, children, is what’s known as a jerkosaurus.”

59.   “And with that, the ice is broken.”

60.   “We’ve got a lot of first-timers here. Make sure they get it.”

61.   “If this is your first crossing, listen up. There is no water til we reach the other side.”

62.   “On your feet. We can’t let those things eat you.”

63.   “I’m just gonna walk right into that lake until the waters up to my eyeballs and soak it all in.”

64.   “Maybe the rains collected somewhere else.”

65.   “Take a scout and check the entire perimeter.”

66.   “Enough! You have to be strong now!”

67.   “We’ve never gone this long without water. If we keep going like this, we’ll lose half the herd.”

68.   “We save the half that deserves to live.”

69.   “I always did like big girls!”

70.   “I think they’re scared of me.”

71.   “Who wouldn’t be? You are pretty scary.”

72.   “A lot of us are on our own now.”

73.   “Why did you help that old one?”

74.   “Is that you talking or your brother?”

75.   “We watch out for each other, we all stand a chance of getting to your nesting grounds.”

76.   “You led them right to us!”

77.   “You can’t sacrifice them like this!”

78.   “If you ever interfere again, I’ll kill you.”

79.   “I’ve got blisters on my blisters.”

80.   “Hey, uh, you don’t look so good. Let me help you.”

81.   “Save your pity. I just need some rest.”

82.   “If you change your mind, we’ll be in those caves. It’s dark, but at least it’s dry.”

83.   “It’s the dark part I’m having trouble with.”

84.   “May I remind you that he’s one of them?”

85.   “Looks like he’s one of us now.”

86.   “If I could sleep that deep, I’d be in paraside.”

87.   “If you could sleep that deep, honey, you’d be dead.”

88.   “Why is he doing this, pushing them on with false hope?”

89.   “It’s hope that’s gotten us this far.”

90.   “Why doesn’t he let them accept their fates?”

91.   “It’s your choice, not your fate.”

92.   “Back to what? It’s gone. We’re not meant to survive.”

93.   “How dare you wase that good fortune by simply giving up!”

94.   “The worst of it is you allowed an old fool like me to believe I was needed, that I still had a purpose.”

95.   “I, for one, am not willing to die here.”

96.   “Our survival, our future, is over these rocks.”

97.   “Watch them, they’re tough. If they can do it, so can you.”

98.   “He’s led that monster right to us!”

99.   “If we scatter, he’ll pick us off. Stand together.”

100. “Welcome home.”

101.  “Move over, everybody. Bringing in babies is what I do best.”

102.  “Somebody wants to meet you.”

103.  “Oh, aren’t you the sweetest little small fry I ever did see.”

104.  “Meet your dad. He’s not as crazy as he looks.���

105.  “Let met get a good look at you. Yup, you’re your father’s son.”

106.  “Hey, look what I found! New neighbors!”

107.   “Are you ladies up for a game of monkey in the middle?”

108.   “None of us really know what changes, big or small, lie ahead.”

109.   “One thing is certain, our journey’s not over.”

110.   “We can only hope that in some small way, our time will be remembered.”

[cemoras27]

small vent about my school experience

this was brought on by reading a little ficlet that happened to hit EXTREAMLY CLOSE to home for me. Im afab living in the midwest in a small town, however the town I live in is NOT my hometown. so everyone in my graduating class had known eachother from diapers basicly. in fact when I did an internship thing at the public library(necessary to graduate) and the directer/woman in charge who was also from out of town agreed that we were called 'transplants'. I have lived here since I was 8. 11 years I have lived here and still don't feel welcomed

in the 8th grade I was in band and at the end of the year the teacher had decided to reveal what the words she had given us at the begining of the year was for. she called out a name and the first person to answer had gotten it wrong, ok big deal. HOWEVER WHEN I GOT IT WRONG I WAS OUT FOR THE REST OF THE CLASS. THE FUCKING BOY WASNT OUT AND WHEN I POINTED IT OUT SHE SAID THAT HE WAS OK OR SOMETING ALONG THOSE LINES AND I HAD REALLY LIKED THIS TEACHER BUT THIS FUCKING RUNINED HER IN MY EYES MY FUCKING GOD I JUST WANTED HER TO DIE I KNOW THATS NOT HEALTHY OR NORMAL BUT JUST CHRIST. I REALLY ONLY HAD MY INTELLANGCE FOR MY CONFIDANCE AND IT FELT LIKE SHE ATTACKED ME I DONT KNOW WHY

i hate history classes because of 2 teachers mrs. G and mrs. c. mrs. G was also the typing class teacher and was SUPER PICKY about the positioning of our hands and no joke i had never finished a typing lesson because of her. the only times I finished one was when she had retired the next year. that bitterness carried over to her history classes where she just was so boring. she barely decorated her room too it was shit. I dont know why anyone in the school liked her she was a bitch. So happy she retired wish she had done it sooner.

MRS C WAS SO MUCH WORSE. BITCH HAD 3 LESSONS AND THAT WAS IT NO VARITY JUST WORKSHEET AFTER WORKSHEET AFTER WORKSHEET THE ONLY CHANGE WAS WHEN WE HAD A STUDENT TEACHER AND HE MADE A PLAN. WISH THAT GUY A BRIGHT FUTURE. BUT C JUST FUCKING SUCKED. THEN SHE DECIDED TO LIE TO MY PARENTS AT MY IEP. WHAT THE FUCK.

I READ FANFIC IN CLASS, THIS WAS A KNOWN PROBLEM BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO DO CLASS WORK JUST READ. I WOULD ALSO LISTEN TO MUSIC WHENEVER I COULD. C SAID THAT I HAD A PROBLEM WITH PUTTING MY EARBUDS IN DURING CLASS. LIKE WHEN SHE WAS TALKING AND THAT WAS BLATENTLY FALSE I PUT MY MUSIC ON AFTER SHE WAS DONE TEACHING AND HAD GIVEN US TIME TO WORK CUNT I HOPE SHE DIES SOMEONE TAKE AN AXE TO HER HEAD PLEASE THE WORLD WOULD BE BETTER

now again im afab and i likely have some nurodivergance that has led to a lot of unconscious masking. leading in to what was my biggest pet peeve of people acting dumber than what i know them to be. Notably the boys (one in particular really) and everytime someing stupid came out of his mouth i just wanted to cause bodily and psychological harm to him and his family.

the fic had remined me of a time where mrs C had pulled me into the hallway and told me to call my mom. i didn't want to obviously and this was very public for my sophomore peers to see. i had stomped a little and she told me to stop acting like a child and I just thought about how i never had really gotten a chance to act like a kid when it was appropriate because I was 'so mature for my age' and i just thought back to the guy the got on my nerves. and how he acts like hes fucking ten every day and doesnt get called out for it at all. but i do ONE childish act its stop acting like a kid your too old for that