#i WANT him to be okay so badly
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Sometimes I fear that my brother will end up being the kinda guy to call the cops on someone sleeping in their car and then I remember him talking about bringing suckers to the kids at the school he does security for and how he’s pissed he won’t be able to afford it forever and I think he’ll be okay. I think I did my best.
#every fiber of my being wishes that I wasn’t his cringy older sibling specifically because I WANT so fucking BADLY to help him#i wish I was someone he wanted to talk to#I want him to be happy so so badly#I want him to be okay so badly#he moved out and I miss him so fucking much even if it made my life easier
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kaito buying every ticket to every soccer game available just to see that excited look on shinichi's face
#kaishin#kuroba kaito#kudou shinichi#dcmk#detective conan#dc prattles#pls ignore the badly drawn parts lmao i just wanted to let this out ughhhh#okay but kaito takes shinichi to all the soccer games cos he wanna see him get all excited and giddy#it's something that brings shinichi joy that's outside from the usual murder and mystery and the pure unadulterated joy on his face and the#passion he has for the sport is so intoxicating kaito is addicted#plus he just wants to make shinichi happy ;-;#also soccer isn't the most interesting thing to kaito but it's not completely boring either#not when shinichi is excitedly fawning over both the team he's supporting and the opposing team#talking a mile a minute just gushing over their form and their strat and whatever tf soccer things there is to gush about LMAO#BASICALLY KAITO IS MESMERIZED AND BEGUILED BY SOCCER OTAKU SHINICHI OKAY#also i have a lot to say about a kaishin socmed au but that's for another post lmao#i was gonna go on a whole tangent here but i realized i have too many thoughts on that i'll just make a separate post LOL#also i haven't properly drawn in a while pls don't look at it too hard LMAO just know it's shinichi getting excited over a goal or a steal#and literally everyone in the venue is looking on the other side meanwhile kaito is distracted by the biggest smile on shinichi's face#OOOOOHHHH I FUCKING LOVE KAISHIN UGGGHHHH#also in this au the world cup is organized by good people because fuck fifa
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I think a big misunderstanding is the power people give Curly to actually change things about the way the pony express operates or could’ve done things on the Tulpar.
We are talking about a company that docks pay for bad synergy despite mandated psych evals that should tell which staff members would work well together, only allots for 5 hours of sleep despite having literally no other tasks to truly do and locks all resources behind the access of one person. The last one is likely to manage resources and make it easier to justify collective punishment and blaming one person for it; someone needs something in “excess” or the captain gives in? It’s all on them your pay is docked. Instant resentment.
It’s insidious how the company works, it’s by design to distract you from coming after them, to force tensions to line their own pockets. With all the restrictions and forced interactions, altercations are bound to happen. 5 hours of sleep a day, limited sources of entertainment, no real tasks… the monotony alone would cause bad cabin fever, mix that with just only one absolute mediator and you get the exact environment that allows shit like in the game to happen.
The idea he could just complain and try to throw his weight around to get them to dig into their pocket for the crews comfort is laughable and misses the predatory and dehumanizing aspect of capitalism the Pony Express represents. Curly was and is still just another asset to them. Being a top show pony doesn’t mean he’s anywhere close to the actual top. He is the top of the working ladder, not whoever’s in corporate, he wouldn’t even be on the bottom step unlike what Jimmy perceives. The resounding recommendations he would get are almost mocking as they throw him out like nothing just like the rest. Being a shitty fucking company, how much do you bet they’d mean anything anyways, especially since he wanted to leave the field all together.
He made a fuss and they didn’t listen, he says he should’ve done more but you can tell he knows it wouldn’t have changed anything. Jobs like this are willing to make a sacrifice if it means even a penny more. Curly makes a bigger fuss they likely would’ve just found an “unrelated” reason to fire him, hired a more pliable guy or, terrifyingly, promoted Jimmy. The company was failing, going to shut down whether anything happened on the ship or not. But knowing that they were shutting down and that everyone, including him, would be out of a job with this being their last paycheck, he had to factor in not destroying the last bit of their financial stabilities combined with every other issue on the vessel and his own. He gets another cryopod or locks and then he has to break to them that they are not only fired but there will be substantial cuts to their paychecks due to the “upgrades” (things that already should’ve been in place on their part) on top of anything else that could be docked along the way.
You can blame him for saying it so early into the trip but then again, if he mentioned it later who’s to say it wouldn’t have been worse? On the capitalism side alone how would people in a galaxy away from home, out of a job and already stir crazy react? Don’t get me started on how Jimmy would have reacted if he realized he only had two days left to fix what would be a very hard to miss “problem” in his head…
I can’t even consider explaining this as devils advocate because it’s just facts of the world we and they live in and factors that heavily affected the situation. People are just so quick to make claims on the ease of the choices when P.E literally makes it hard to choose to do anything but suck it up.
#this is also like a sort of point that while I wanted Curly to do more for Anya I realized he would have to jeaporsiE the crews safety in#some way like if they needed the cryopods one person would be left without one and like it would be curly he’d offer but don’t think any of#them would be happy or feel okay with letting him die over a rapist? he kills Jimmy and now he has to stand trial and be arrested for murder#because it’s not self defense or manslaughter like they could obviously lie but he wouldn’t let them do that in case of a sort of black box#or guilt on their mind specifically with Daisuke who would likely be kept out of the loop not to mention it’s a dead body with a limited#likely recycled air supply so again he’s getting tried for murder and they are down a cryopod#not to mentions again the fact that you need a copilot like I know like aviation law and shit is crazy and like not common knowledge#but you bed a second set of eyes or someone to trade off with so you don’t loose ur concentration or doze and crash#like they don’t just sit their and do nothing like Jimmy probably did some of the time cause Curly likely didn’t want to make him#cause like pissed off and spiteful Jimmy manning the controls even if just helping is not something he wants to deal with and risk their#lives but i digress I genuinely think the biggest flaw of Curly’s in the situation is being a man who could not handle or understand the#emotional gravity of what Anya experienced especially at the hands of someone who he was also#emotonal/mentally mistreated by and wanted to so badly to believe was his friend and improving#like he did not offer her enough or the proper emotional/physical security he could’ve as a captain nor friend but in that it goes right#back to the systems at play that make it so he isn’t meant or supposed to understand so it can’t be perpetuated and blah blah blah how many#times do I have to explain systematic oppression to certain groups in this fandom and it isn’t cut n dry of good guys bad guys and victims#as outliers of the tow categories l#mouthwashing#captain curly#mouthwashing game#curly mouthwashing#the pony express#The Tulpar
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Me: Ooooo, I wonder what this "Mouthwashing" thing is that everyone's been obsessed with lately. I should check some of it out.
Me, 30 minutes later: I would kill myself for you, Anya.
#i'm so obsessed with her#you don't even understand#i love her so much#she deserved better#she deserves the world#mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing#anya deserved better#anya deserved so much more#anya my beloved#mouthwashing game#look at her#i love her#fuck jimmy#all my homies hate jimmy#i will stab him for what he did to my girl#i will rip him apart with my mouth#she deserves to stab him to death at least a little bit#but honestly i love anya for so many reasons#not only is her plotline interesting and tragic as hell and she deserves better#but she is a legitimately interesting person and character outside of what happened to her#her dedication to her job and the fact that she was able to keep curly alive by herself for so long is extremely admirable#and i've heard about how she can act pretty playful and fun when outside of situations like the one she was in throughout the game#i really wish we got to see that side of her more#because it seems like her anxious and more timid personality is a bit of a trauma response which is understandable#so yeah i love her and i want to give her a pat on the head and a hug and maybe a gentle kiss on the forehead if she's okay with it#i prefer to comfort others via physical affection and i want to comfort her so badly#i don't know if i'd be the most helpful if i were a crewmate who learned what happened to her#(my way of helping would be offering to murder jimmy and i'm not sure if she'd want that because not all victims want that)#and sometimes physical affection/hug aren't helpful or preferred
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Google, play "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails
#alright this is the thing that will finally get me canceled JDJFKGKGKKGKG#this is for you ruby 😭 ty for sending me that pic and making me distracted the entire day#i randomly thought of this when i was walking to class and then just wanted to get home so badly#THEY'RE GONNA CELEBRATE ON THEIR OWN TOGETHER 🤭🤭#hes gonna 'tuck him in bed' again. well he'll certainly be tucking smth somewhere HDJFJGKGKLG#i feel unhinged posting this 😭😭😭#truly the power of oscarmark making me post this kinda thing#haha get it google? cause mclaren is sponsored by google???#thats their song. to me. okay#mark smilied when oscar said he had to 'hang on for dear life'#well he'll be hanging onto the bed for dea- DJFJKFGK o#its so funny cause the only time ive gotten a hate anon was after I posted a very innocuous oscarmark art#so. this is uhhhhhhh yeah#ik it's not THAT bad in the scheme of things but little teasy hinty things like this make me very insane 😭#pup. something something inherent pet play something#also yeah canonically fernando saw this happen. he knows that look in mark's eyes#oscarmark#pibber#<- i think ill only tag those cause i dont think i should put it in the main tag#catie.art.
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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given that i've ran this blog for as many years now i think i should get much credit for this being what, only the third dick joke i've ever made here hdfkhkj
anyways. there's this point in the story where vash and wolfwood have to go their separate ways for a while, but neither of them are dealing with it particularly well
(image id below the cut since it's a longer one)
[image ID: a rough, doodley 5 panel digital comic of vash and meryl from trigun, but from my leaden skies au where they've both been lightly redesigned to fit into the setting of monster hunter. vash is a wyverian with long pointed ears, wearing a red coat with gold trim and buttons. meryl is a human wearing a beret as seen on other guild girls, but her all-white outfit is a practical two-piece blouse and shorts set. the whole comic is comprised of warm colors, orange and yellow and dark purple
panel 1: vash sitting in the foreground at a brown desk covered in candles and books, with a book opened in front of him that he flips through with a bored expression and his cheek resting against his hand. he appears to be in a library, lit by candles on dark grey chandeliers hung from the ceiling. meryl is in the background stretching up to reach a book high on a shelf, and beside her is a table which is also covered in candles and several tall stacks of books
panel 2: a closeup of vash's face as his eyes widen and his ears prick up. something in the book has apparently caught his attention
panel 3: a closeup of the page vash was looking at, an illustrated info sheet about the flying wyvern, khezu. a candle in the table brightly illuminates the colored page
panel 4: meryl has come around by vash's shoulders with a stack of books held in her arms. she quirks a brow as she looks over vash's shoulder at the book. vash has a neutral, hard to read look on his face, but his ears are still up and his eyes are still shiny and wide as he seems to consider the page for a while
panel 5: a yellow word bubble comes from vash, who huffs a long sigh and says, "maybe i should call him...". his head has tipped to the side as he rubs his neck and frowns, blushing a little with his ears drooping. meryl physically recoils from him and her face scrunches up in disgust, saying, "eww" and, "there's something wrong with you"
end ID.]
#trigun#trigun anime#trigun fanart#vash#vash the stampede#meryl stryfe#vashwood#leaden skies au#monster hunter#monster hunter fanart#monster hunter crossover#crossover#on a serious note i REALLY love putting vash in a role that emphasizes how he's a smart dude with a frankly astonishing depth of knowledge#of his specific specialties. like that aspect of him gets its moments to shine in canon but like#he is Literally just a little scientist man in leaden skies and it's very fun to work with :3#anyways i've been wanting to do this forever and lately i've been badly needing to practice new things again so it was a fun excuse lol#ALSO: for girlies in the know here. is ANYONE ELSE burdened with the knowledge of khezu's concept art#like goddd girl they really said okay we want this thing to look phallic as fuck but this is a little Too Much. tone it down 10 percent dhf#but only 10 percent. mostly they just took away the. head shape. ffsdfdssdfs
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You go into reading ORV thinking it’s going to be a story.
You read it and it’s a story: it’s a story about a reader.
You read a little further and realize that it’s a story about stories: stories that make people as much as people make them.
You get to that point and you finally realize that it’s a con.
It’s a con: it’s been a con from the very first word, the longest, most visceral and excruciating con you’ve ever seen, yet somehow never saw coming—and you’re fuming but you’re also holding your breath because you can’t even be mad, it’s got you hook, line and sinker and you’d follow it beyond the end of the earth, you’ve already followed it beyond the end of the earth unknowingly and now you’re willing to go even further than that, willingly choosing it for yourself, because you need to see where this goes, you need to, because you care. You care.
Somewhere, you know with all the faith of a reader that Han Sooyoung is smiling.
#I will never be okay about this#conned into loving this broken world by making us see it through the eyes of the man who loved it more than anything#conned into loving him because the world and the people in it loved him back even when he couldn’t love himself#even when his own mind was crueler to him than anyone else could ever be#conned into loving him because god wants him to love himself so badly she’d damn the world for him to survive and we get it. we get it.#conned into loving yourself just a little bit more because how could you not after reading a story like that?#orv#omniscient reader's viewpoint#orv spoilers#omniscient reader’s viewpoint spoilers#han sooyoung#kim dokja#hsy#orv hsy#kdj#orv kdj#doksoo
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Phil sending Dan that extremely long list fully believing that Dan would get all of the things for him and being right this is the kind of stuff I’m talking about when I say “I want what they have”
#I want what they have so badly it seems so wonderful#I’m glad Phil is okay lol this man keeps having medical problems#someone save him#dan and phil#daniel howell#phil lester
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when i wanna try this kinda thing my titan(s) suffer
yeah
#i need some way to practice anatomy okay#to be more precise it's more like motivation#the reason why i dont draw shaxx is because the internet will probably execute me if i draw him way too badly#and no one cares about my titan so i can do whatever i want#also this is the only thing i draw today so im posting on tumblr anyways#destiny titan#that's enough tags#my art
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just thought of a jegulus they both die at the end au and suddenly I'm thirteen again
#that fucking book was my everything at thirteen im sorry#but also i thought of james climbing into regulus' grave with him#because reg was terrified of dying and doing anything to make it happen faster than it was already happening#and then#AND THEN#it would be sad james too#and he'd spend the whole day being okay with it you know#but then by the end of the night when he knows his death is coming he realizing how badly he wants to live#but it's too late by then#like MAN#i love that shit#like it's absolutely horrible and awful#it's a tragedy but something about james finding a reason to Want to live is everything to me#anyway#i cant have a new wip#but i could write a tbdate au that's so fucking good#i dont even like the book anymore#but damn#anyways#i shouldn't have put this all in the tags#jegulus
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This was easily one of the best Lupin episodes
#there will be a rant in the tags that you can ignore#but it is so upsetting how modern/current lupin took away the depths of these characters and flimsily tries to restore their earlier depth#i'm one of those people who craves depth in what i watch and it's so difficult to like this franchise because it will be so close to doing#something interesting only to abandon it#this episode and part one as a whole was peak lupin in my opinion with each character having emotional depth yet flaws to overcome#yet modern lupin would have you believe that these characters don't desire to improve in any capacity#if we were to just focus on Goemon for example right here he shows depth with revealing hidden emotional maturity and empathy for Lupin by#comforting him and admitting he himself is afraid (which is a big deal for a character like him who is supposed to be unflinching)#but in modern lupin goemon will literally say that he's not afraid of anything and this is written without any hint of irony or depth#i'm okay with mindless entertainment and i understand that this is a series simply about stealing but the character assassination is so#disappointing#and when this series does try to be “deep” they pick the most triggering subject matter possible to depict to the point where it's#practically unwatchable (this is in reference to Part 4 and its constant SA plots as well as the rampant gratuitous child abuse plots#throughout the entire series)#i want so badly to love lupin the 3rd but it's a huge problem when fanfiction understands the characters better than the source material#lupin iii#lupin the third#lupin the 3rd#goemon ishikawa xiii#goemon#arsene lupin iii#jigen daisuke#daisuke jigen#fujiko mine#part 1
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I know its an old meme but…
#tdp#tdp callum#tdp ezran#tdp runaan#good god please don’t sweep this under the rug#let them be pissed!!#let them be pissed at each other!#let them fight and argue about it#let Callum mention Ezran defending Avizandum (of all fucking people/dragons)#he killed Ezran’s mother#why was Ezran defending him to Rex Igneous???!!#that should’ve pissed Callum off immediately#or at least deserved a reaction#also let Callum be annoyed with Ezran’s hypocrisy#how can he be okay with Zubeia#when she ordered the assassination#how can he be mad at Runaan when he invited the Dragon Queen herself to the Valley of Graves#when multiple people told him how insensitive it was#I want so badly for Callum to be butter about his mother’s death#a person who Ezran never even knew#of course for Ezran its easy to sweep it under the rug#he doesn’t even remember her#okay I’m done losing my mind#mostly…….
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Oh to caress and give kisses all over his beautiful face (Respectfully of course.) 😘💋🥰
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i overturn my uncles barbeque grill and turn the Fourth Of July into the Fourth Of Shit
theres a gray one becaesu i actually hate coloring things so much
#really upset i didnt sraw them Hollering. that is very them. but its okay. i wanted to draw this so so badly.#adventure itme#wizard city#distant lands#spader#blaine#wizard guards#digital#spaders invited to the wizard guard cookout because he is blaines best friend :] larrys inside. in the Magic AC.#COLORING IS SO HARD?????? ummm oh fuck they have shoes. idunno. (slides around on the color wheel) idk. pink. (fill color) okay next.#like what the fuck. how else do you do it.#i know how complementary colors work. but like. on a full scale image??? theres so many tiny little ass things.#and they all have to be different colors and shades so they track to the eye as different thigns.#-> guy who drew SPADER in a WHITE t-shirt voice 'they all have to be different shades'#but i did get a good brush that makes pretty clouds :]#ANYWAYS. i did an overlay layer and i feel better now.#little spader is bringing me such joy look at him. tiny man invited to the barbecue to watch shit go down.
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"Please... Take good care of him."
#kamen rider agito#kamen rider gills#ryo ashihara#ashihara ryo#tetsuya sawaki#sawaki tetsuya#kamen rider#userdramas#umbrella.gifs#tokuedit#please do not repost#umbrella.edits#umbrella.posts#translation: earthly subs#subtitles added by me#i do believe ryo would uphold this request#tetsuya did help him after all by allowing him a second chance at life getting mana to revive him and gave him a place to heal from his#injuries and build up his strength i also#ryo likes to pay people back it's why he looks over shouichi when mana asks him to#i like to believe that ryo would always check in and be a friend to shouichi since he values their friendship greatly but this adds another#layer to his actions and to tetsuya's character as well#i talked about it in my lb but i think this scene shows how badly tetsuya wants to make up for not saving yukina#he knows that yukina loved shouichi and he was her only family so he wants to make sure he's taken care of#especially when he knows that his life will not last much longer he just wants to do what he can right now what he couldn't do for yukina#he wants shouichi to have people to support him and he wants him to live a life like yukina would have wanted he wants him to be okay
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