#i NEED to analyse this you don't understand

[okaysonny]

business advice ╏ hudson ahn

★ summary: hudson gets a noise complaint ─ from one person.

★ details: fluff, f! reader, spoiler free.

★ wc: 1.4k

★ A/N: who else has a crush on him

"YOU! YELLOW HEAD!"

hudson's eyes widen, looking around.

but no, jay isn't here. and everyone else has dark hair. which can only mean…

hudson turns to face the girl approaching him, who looks comically angry. he can practically see steam coming out of her ears.

his eyes narrow. "are you talking to me?"

she's now right in front of him, pointing aggressively. "yeah i'm talking to you! don't you own this place?" she gestures to ansan's night club just ahead of them.

"i do. are you here to talk business? although…" he eyes her hoodie and sweatpants. "…you don't really look the part"

she blinks, not expecting a belittling so soon, but quickly shakes her head. "no i'm not here to talk business" she mimics his voice at the 'business' part. hudson feels a vein on his forehead throb.

"you need to turn the music down at night!" she huffs. "i can hear it from my window…" she points at an apartment building in the distance. "…all the way over there! some of us are trying to sleep, y'know?!"

he waits to see if she's finished her piece, before simply saying:

"0 points"

she blinks again. "…the fuck?"

"0 points. that's the score i give you. one…" he starts counting on his fingers. "…you show up sloppy. two. you disrespect me. and three. you start complaining about music when we're doing nothing wrong. where's your decorum?"

"...what- you-" she stammers, clearly speechless at his obviously correct evaluation.

she grits her teeth in frustration. "you wanna talk about decorum? it's not very um…decorum of you to play such loud music in the night!"

he sighs in disappointment. "bad grammar too. - 1 point"

"who gives a fuck?! now you're just nitpicking! and tell your employees to turn the music down!"

"…you're the only one complaining. why should i lower it for one person?"

she pauses, unable to think of a counterargument. "…um…"

hudson doesn't wait for her to finish. "ansan is critically acclaimed for its nightlife. it's what everyone comes here for. the loud music, which isn't even that loud by the way, is to be expected. if you don't like it, then move"

her jaw drops. "you…you ignorant, naive little─" she exhales slowly, composing herself.

"…can you just please turn it down?" she mumbles.

he runs a hand through his hair, getting tired of this argument now. "…like i said, you're the only one complaining. i'm assuming you didn't take this higher up, right? so, i have no obligation to lower it. come back with a court order and then we'll talk"

she sighs in defeat and starts walking back, flipping him off. "fine! but this isn't over, yellow head! i'll be back with that court order!"

hudson shrugs. "go ahead"

she can try, but it won't make a difference. channing can wrap anyone around his finger.

he shakes his head, heading back into the club. what an unsophisticated lady.

he hears her footsteps stop. "…your drinks are crap, by the way"

hudson hates that he can't hide his surprise, but the comment catches him off guard. "…what?"

she clearly notices it, because she wears an evil grin before continuing. "well…my friend likes to go clubbing a lot. she likes everything here, except the drinks"

now it's his turn to blink. well…the drink sales have been down lately. but everything else is in tip-top shape. he just put it down as an anomaly in the market.

he waves a hand dismissively, recovering from his brief surprise. "we take great care in analysing these things. we know what we’re doing. not that i'd expect you to understand"

she rolls her eyes and looks away for a moment, second-guessing herself. "...i'm not saying i know how to run a business or whatever. i’m just saying...my friend complains about the drinks all the time. and not just her ─ her other little clubbing friends say the same thing"

hudson tilts his head slightly, her words starting to pique his interest despite himself. "...what do her and her friends say?"

she shrugs. "i dunno. i don't really pay attention. she just says they’re kind of…boring, i guess? same old classics, nothing new or exciting. um…" she pauses, trying to remember. "oh yeah! seltzer's. they wish you had seltzer's here"

a flicker of curiosity crosses his face. "...seltzer's? you mean..."

"yeah, like the fruity, canned drinks everyone’s obsessed with these days" she speaks with less hesitance now.

"i work night shifts at the convenience store nearby, so i see what people like...and it matches up. everyone loves them. so i dunno, maybe there’s something to it"

he doesn’t respond, his mind starting to piece things together.

it's bizarre. they were just arguing a few minutes ago. now they're discussing alcoholic beverages.

she looks at him cautiously before continuing. "and uh...customers buy soju obviously, but they take a lot of fruit to go with it. strawberries and watermelon, stuff like that. it seems trendy these days. do you do soju cocktails?"

...they don't.

hudson stays quiet, arms crossed as he processes her words. she's not an expert, but she isn’t completely off the mark.

he hadn’t considered the problem might be the drinks themselves. ansan had always stuck with the classics, assuming they’d appeal to everyone, and it's worked for ages.

but maybe tastes were shifting. if soju cocktails and seltzers - which they didn't sell - were in demand...it could be worth researching what else customers like. lighter, trendier options…freshening up the menu could attract a whole new crowd, even boost overall sales.

the girl sighs, annoyed by his lack of response. "anyway, sorry. i went off on a tangent. keep serving whatever you want"

she turns, walking away again. "but i was serious about that court order, yellow head!"

hudson closes his eyes, feeling irritated. how has this not crossed his mind before? why does this random girl in sweatpants unknowingly know more than him?

her words stay in his head, and hudson knows he won’t be able to let it go.

"...wait" he says, sighing.

she turns around once more, her brows raising in confusion.

he pinches his nose bridge, preparing himself for what he's about to say. "that was...helpful. i suppose i could ask my guys to...turn the music down"

she stares at him, taken aback, before smiling. not the weird evil grin she wore earlier, a real one. "...you will? seriously? i just...really need some quiet, so i can study"

huh. "...yes" he says, a bit softly.

her smile grows wider, flashing her teeth at him. "wow...thanks a lot. really. i know it's a nuisance for you, yellow he-" she pauses, looking sheepish. "hey, what's your real name? i'll stop calling you yellow head now"

"hudson ahn...sun of ansan"

weird. he's talked to plenty of girls, all of them more beautiful than she is. why are his cheeks heating up now?

"...sun of ansan?" she covers her mouth, perhaps trying to stifle a laugh. "that's...cool"

"what's yours?" he can't help but avoid eye contact.

she looks pleasantly surprised. "me? i'm─"

─ beautiful. her name is beautiful. she is beau─ actually, what's he even thinking? is central seoul's romantic guy rubbing off on him?

hudson rummages in his pocket, handing her a business card. "here. it's my contact details. just in case you want to...point out anything else you notice"

she eyes it peculiarly, before shaking her head in disbelief. "i guess all business guys just have these handy, huh?"

still, she doesn't give it back, or tells him to get lost, or rips it up. instead, she keeps it.

she turns and starts walking away ─ for the final time. she looks back at him, waving the card as she speaks. "bye hudson ahn sun of ansan" she giggles. so, she was in fact, laughing at his title.

he watches her figure get smaller, the tiny dot turning into nothing.

a girl giving him business advice...and it's useful? he never thought he'd see the day.

he only saw her smile once, but he wouldn't mind seeing it again.

hudson heads back into the club, getting preparations ready for the night ahead.

she still lacks etiquette. she also giggled at the title he's so proud of. but...that doesn't stop him from muttering to himself.

"100 points"

A/N: okay...i know his hair is more light brown than yellow, but "brown head" doesn't have the same ring to it. just imagine...the sunlight makes it seem yellow, because he's the sun of ansan bye

divider: @thecutestgrotto

[chippedshake]

okay okay okay I know I said I would wait until I finish the book again until I made this post but, um. no.

also I can always make a more comprehensive one later

So. Idk how people generally analyse Tex (something I should look into probably), but I feel like a major theme is how interpersonal relationships tie into identity and the way people live? exist? are? in general.

Mainly through using Tex and Mason as foil characters, you can really see how this plays out.

First you have the horses. Now, there's the obvious aspect of Mason selling them, putting himself and Tex over the horses in importance (which, I mean, duh), but there's also something Tex mentions towards the beginning of the book, which is that Mason never treated Red like a human. Tex treated Negrito like a person, and in turn felt like it was a mutual relationship. Mason, on the other hand treated Red like a horse, kinda like you'd expect someone to.

Which is why this perspective is so interesting, because you have Tex, who is maybe too empathetic, too emotional, feeling like horses can respond to you like a human can, and you get into the idea of Mason maybe being ignorant or cold in the way he interacts with them.

Then there's the fact that it's mentioned off-handedly that Mason was dating a girl who was named Laurie (I think?) but they broke it off because she wanted to get married. And we get no description of Mason's emotions. Yes, Tex is the narrator, but he's fairly good at reading people and is emotionally intelligent. Unlike with Ponyboy, you can't explain away a character seemingly not expressing the feelings they should logically be having by saying "oh, well he just didn't notice" because he would. Mason seems almost unaffected by the fact that he and his girlfriend broke up and while, yes, he doesn't want to settle down, that doesn't mean he doesn't feel anything towards people.

And then you have Tex and Jamie. They weren't all that serious, but when they break up, Tex seems to take it really strongly. (I just noticed the Tex-Jamie / Mason-Laurie parallelism and I'm definitely gonna do a post about that soon). He gets attached to people really easily, so if they leave him, it hurts him all the more.

But the story is about Tex progressively losing everyone he cares about.

Mason sells Negrito and Red, Mason isn't friends with Lem anymore, Johnny gets into a fight with him, Jamie and him break up, and then the drop that made the cup overflow (idk how to translate that from spanish) is that apparently he isn't Pop's son.

And right after that, he almost dies.

I don't think that's a coincidence.

ALSO. When he's getting better, he gets a bunch of visits from people who care about him. He finds out Mason broke every single part of his facade out of worry. He finds out Jamie came to visit him. Johnny and him had already made up but Johnny doesn't seem mad that he's dating Jamie anymore. Even Cole seems to begrudgingly tolerate him.

Tex's identity is almost entirely built on other people. He's a horse rider and Mason's little brother and Johnny's best friend and Pop's son and Jamie's boyfriend. So when those connections fail, he doesn't know what to do with himself. In a way, he does die because he needs to build himself back up, he need to make a person where there used to just be relationships. Which isn't to say he can't have relationships, because that's the stance Mason kinda takes, but he need to grow to be independent from them and yeah.

That's all I have for now. But wow. I'm going to spend so much time obsessing over this book.

[taeggukxiie]

I don't really like endhawks and it's not so much because of the age gape or the fan/idol relationship (la brava and gentle have some age gape and bakudeku are the pure description of fanatization/idolization trope and I like both of those ships), but more because endeavor literally embodies what Hawks hate the most.

Hear me out on this one, they have cute interactions but for me the fact that Hawks stayed by endeavor's side even knowing what he did to his children is kinda out of character. I mean the whole thing why keigo wanted to be a hero was to help people and make them smile because he went through abusive behavior all his life. Endeavor do save people but doesn't make them smile, not directly anyway. Hawks wanted to help the new generation, but endeavor traumatized the generation he gave birth to. Hawks wanted to be free, but endeavor stole freedom from his children (at least until he becomes number 1 and shoto comes to UA).

I understand hawks forgiving and accepting endeavor even after what he did, because hawks is so optimistic that he wants to believe eveyone can change for the better, but I don't understand him staying by endeavor's side. I mean, how traumatic would it be to discover that your idol who saved you and gave you a dream to follow did the exact same things as the person who traumatized your childhood? I see some narrative problems here. Or maybe it's just that hawks is too optimistic for his own good.

The thing is, I think Hawks so desperately needed a symbol to give him hope that he didn't even try to look more profoundly into endeavor's mistakes. Like he tried so hard to convince himself. Here we can see that hawks says he could keep up with training and abuse by the commission because someone supported him, probably implying endeavor. But it wasn't even true, hawks just chose to idealize enji because he saved him, but enji didn't know hawks before metting him as a hero, so he couldn't actually support him in his dream. I know it's only metaphoric, but it does mean that Keigo just needed something, someone to hold onto because of all the suffering he went through. And he chose endeavor, who was the only person indirectly "caring" for him.

Now maybe it's because I adore Hawks and I hate endeavor (the man and his actions, not the way he's written), but I can't imagine them in a romantic relationship. How could Hawks give his trust and love to the exact same profile as his father? How could they live together without hawks remembering the abuse? I think that even enji himself wouldn't trust his own reactions and feelings, hunted by the past. "The past never dies", and it's true for everyone in this story.

Look how similar they are. Honestly I don't really understand horikoshi on this one because if he wanted to give enji a loyal sidekick, then why give Hawks an abusive father?

Or if horikoshi wanted to give us grumpy x playful duo, then do it with dabihawks? They had so much potential to be our favorite bickering duo, and their drama would've been so good if they both knew each other before touya's death, became close during hawks undercover mission and then went through a heartbreaking breakup during touya's reveal.

(look at them they could've been soo good as a grumpy x playful duo aah)

Instead, we got Hawks indirectly supporting the same abuse he went through and the destruction of dabihawks' potential with the biggest absence of interactions ever after the first war.

(Also I want to add that I respect everyone's opinion and I don't hate endhawks shippers at all! It's just my point of view on the ship, everyone is free to ship whoever they want if that stays legal 🙏)

Maybe I'm going too far into the analysis (someone stop me please I'm talking too much-), but I really think that endhawks couldn't work, for hawks as much as for enji. Now the interesting thing to ask would be : would dabihawks actually work in a romantic relationship? I guess we'll never know.

[esteemed-excellency]

ok i'm almost done with the new firmament chapter, i have So Many thoughts 👀

[crownedwille]

sometimes i see analyses and theories on here where i'm just ....... choosing to stay silent and have to remember everything is up for interpretation and everyone is allowed to have different opinions

[andersdotters]

Hi! I recently found your blogs, and can I just say how much I love your character analyses? Your portrayal of each character is always so in depth to the point where I can even picture them acting and speaking the same in game! I'm so impressed and I seriously don't know how you connect to each and every one of them so perfectly :O

If I may ask, what does your research and character profile process look like? As someone interested in writing, I hope to be as skilled as you with analysing characters (and writing plots and writing in general--) one day :) Any tips would be appreciated!

Thank you so much for all the hard work you do. I know I'll enjoy the story you come up with next!

Aww thank you so much!! Honestly sometimes I worry that my analyses won't be to everyone's tastes, so I'm very glad you think that they're good! I feel the same way about my writing because I know they're not the most romantic, so it's a relief to know you like it. ;v; <3 I have a lot to say about your questions though, so I'm going to put it under a readmore. It's an uh... infodump HAHA

When it comes to research, what it basically comes down to is reading everything. Read the character's lore, read their voice lines. Read what other characters have to say about them. Even talking to every NPC you see in the hopes that they'll talk about a character helps out a lot too HAHA. I also recommend going back to old events when doing research too. Reread them. Listen to the voice actor's portrayal of them. Read everything you can.

This is take three of trying to explain my character analysis process, but I'm going to give up and just explain to you the main logic that governs it. Basically what it boils down to is: we are not unique. Humans are not unique. What do I mean by this? People that are certain ways--for example, they have a low self-esteem, consistently overwork themselves, they want children when they get older, etc--they will typically share common characteristics. When you know the defining characteristics of each trait, you can potentially apply that trait to everyone you know that displays those characteristics.

For example, people that constantly overwork themselves typically have unhealthily high levels of perceived responsibility, typically with a self-deprecative trait that they don't deserve to be happy and rest. People that are very showy tend to care a lot about what people think of them. People that are extremely close to their families typically lose the ability to function properly without them.

If you know people that are like the examples above, you know that these observations are pretty accurate. And these examples represent pretty common types of people as well. Once you've seen one of them, you've seen them all. Nobody is unique. And because of that, you can apply these observations to characters because characters are meant to be human. Example one is Kaveh. Example two is Itto. And example 3 is Lyney. Now you've gotten a deeper dive into their psyche.

The way you become better at character analysis is by broadening your internal library of traits and their defining characteristics. This involves three steps: observation, drawing connections between observations, and fine tuning these connections by applying them to other people.

These steps are easy to understand, but let me go a bit more into step one. Observations come in two categories: physical observations and intuitive observations. Physical observations encompass things they physically do. Intuitive observations are larger statements that can't be tied to just a single physical observation. For example, physical observations may be that they don't go out much, they don't talk much in groups but do one-on-one, they wear bright colors, they're rude, etc. Intuitive observations are more: they seem to be uncomfortable around children, they act like they're scared to contact first, they're always on the move, etc.

The second step involves drawing lines between observations and trying to deduce meaning. For example, [they end their sentences using a rising intonation] + [they ask me my opinion a lot] = [this person cares about not sounding rude or unwelcoming]. Or, [they have a low self-esteem] + [they care about being seen as morally good] + [they engage in fandom] = [I probably should not tell this person I think Dottore and his penchant for human experimentation is hot].

Typically the logic goes: [physical observation] + [physical observation] = [intuitive observation]. [physical observation] + [intuitive observation] = [mid-tier intuitive observation]. [intuitive observation] + [intuitive observation] = [top tier intuitive observation].

But it does not end at step two. Step three basically tests to see if your observation from step two is valid or not. When you apply your observation from step two to a multitude of people, you're able to fine tune your observation to make it more generalized and more accurate. Maybe you realize that not everyone that ends their sentences in a rising intonation is necessarily polite, but it's more of a cultural thing. Maybe you see that having low self-esteem isn't always a symptom of having a high moral code. Test, revise, then test again. The higher the tier of your observation, the greater the chance it has of being wrong.

When I analyze characters, I go through my mental library and see which traits and characteristics I've catalogued before. And for things that don't have an exact match, I try to find ones that shares at least a few things in common that may follow the same logic. For example, I don't know anyone like Zhongli. However, I do have a friend that's very outgoing, but you can have a full on conversation with them and leave not knowing anything about them. Can I apply the logic of my friend to someone like Zhongli?

I will say this and I will say this again. People are not unique. Everyone is a copy of someone else in some way. When you treat the characters as if you were analysing any other normal human being, you can quite easily draw conclusions from what they have in common with people you know and have seen.

Anyway, this is so long I am so sorry. Hopefully I didn't completely bowl you over with information. OTL

[pinktinselmonstrosity]

this might be very niche but i love when you start watching a new youtube channel and you can immediately tell that the person is very smart and know what they're talking about and can formulate an argument!! there are so many dumb people on youtube pretending to be smart and god does it really show in contrast to people who are actually smart

[lesbianwyllravengard]

Forget about gritting your teeth through someone's media analysis that is egregiously incorrect. Some character/story analyses I see on here are literally just verbatim re-tellings of what happened in the story - the literal things you are supposed to understand, and the connections you're supposed to make to get what is happening - and they're phrased as crazy theories or analyses. And I just want to scream, because no, you're not weird or 'reaching' for coming to that conclusion, that is quite literally the exact thing the story was trying to tell you. You are stating blatant fact as some incredible discovery. Like that person who thought Lucy Gray Baird saying she was 'going to find Katniss' was "an accident" or maybe they were crazy. But I guess everyone's gotta start somewhere, even if you think saying 'did anyone else ever realise that Darth Vader's theme plays when Anakin does something evil???' is some mind-blowing observation. Like, shit, in a world where media literacy is so sorely lacking, quite literally witnessing a story and noticing details of it is considered analysis. Whatever.

[batsplat]

are you as analytical/thorough about all your interests and hobbies as you are about motogp? kind of blown away by the breadth and depth of your knowledge

:( this is so nice... and I guess it depends! obviously there's stuff I'm way more casually invested in, including with sports... I'd like to think my actual field of research is something I am similar levels of knowledgeable about lol, and there's probably a few other things... a lot of the stuff I enjoy really comes back to about four core themes in my head, which helps. mostly I'm just really into note-taking and overthinking things that weren't designed to be overthought

[avatarofwar]

i saw you talk about wolf a few times from sekiro and was wondering if you'd want to share more of your thoughts on him or sekiro as a whole, the game really interests me compared to other dark souls games so i wanted to ask

sorry for the late reply but oh boy do I have thoughts abt wolf. trying not to spoil the game, so I'm gonna refrain from talking about the story. might go into just restating known things about the game, but I'd much rather play it safe and not spoil the story

before going to that. the game is very much different from dark souls (setting wise, while taking place in a fictional country it is in a historical setting. I cannot comment on the setting properly bc I don't know much about the time period, however), most notably in the combat (primarily shifting from a dodge-centric playstyle to a parry-centric playstyle (significantly easier than dark souls/elden ring parrying, however), with dodges having significantly shorter i-frames and being very unreliable for dodging attacks). it's very different but something I really enjoy, even if I'm not as good as I am at typical soulsborne combat. it's really fun when you get the hang of it, and while I might not be The Best at it (which is mostly bc of how different it is from soulsborne games, so ofc I'm not as good at is as I am at the other fromsoft games I've played), it's something I can still enjoy

a huge thing about sekiro is the difference in how the story is told. in soulsborne games the story is something you have to figure out; progressing through the main path doesn't give you enough to piece everything together if you don't read any lore. with sekiro, however, the story is significantly more obvious, on account of the playable character having unique ties to the world and its characters, rather than going the soulsborne route of being one of many people (wording hard, but the chosen undead for example is no one special, just one of many undead trying to link the flame). it's a very different method of storytelling, but is still something really good. for as much as I adore having to actively hunt down lore and story in soulsborne games, it's also great experiencing story through natural game progression

wolf is also canonically disabled (loses his left arm at the start of the game) and has a really fucking cool prosthetic that is a whole part of the combat system (even though I personally keep forgetting to use it). so good for him. he deserves a prosthetic that can have deadly weaponry attached to it. like a mini-flamethrower. he deserves a mini-flamethrower, as a treat.

putting the wolf thoughts beneath a read more because this is getting long and I might spoil some stuff (mostly relationship with another character, I'll try to refrain from story spoilers. also spoilers in general, but there might be some), and he has definitely become a blorbo (additionally, content warning for abuse)

first of all. wolf makes me want to throw myself off a cliff and I mean this in the most positive way ever. he is great and I love him but man he needs so much fucking therapy and he doesn't even realise it (therapy probably doesn't exist in that time period, but besides the point). he is very much traumatised and has been heavily shaped by it and doesn't even know it.

prior to the events of the game (I forgot how long ago it was) he was orphaned by war and got taken in by owl, a shinobi and also a piece of fucking garbage. owl raises wolf to be a shinobi under the iron code, with the number one rule being loyalty to his father (owl), with his master (kuro, the divine heir) a close second (and also to give his life for his master if necessary. which is also a whole other thing to get into).

owl is very explicitly abusive. he raises wolf as a tool rather than a person, and that upbringing severely affects wolf as a character - he is an incredibly capable shinobi, but lacks any skills other than that; he does not know how to be a proper person, he is a loyal wolf, but he does not know how to be anything other than that. hell, without spoiling too much about the context, there is a cutscene in which owl actively attempts to guilt trip wolf, going as far as using fake tears (saying anything specific is very spoilery. this isn't even the only horrid thing he's done, but I'm trying to refrain from too many spoilers).

wolf canonically does not value himself without anyone to serve (we see this at the beginning of the game, as events prior to the start of the game not yet known about leads him to believe he has no one to serve, and thus no purpose, so he isolates himself from the world in a well for 3 years). while he does have compassion for others (most notable example being concern over victims of dragonrot), he starts off the game driven primarily by duty. he is loyal to a fault, willing to do anything for kuro, but also valuing his service to kuro more than himself (cannot remember the exact wording, but when kuro expresses concern for how many times wolf has died for him, wolf states that it does not matter as it was in service to him).

there's also the fact that wolf canonically eats uncooked rice and genuinely doesn't know - as a fully grown adult - you are supposed to cook it, which is... genuinely something awful if you truly think about it and what more it implies about his upbringing especially considering it's one of the most basic things you could learn how to make (just... says a lot about owl if you seriously think about it).

he is a loyal wolf, but he doesn't know how to be more than that. he doesn't know how to just... exist for himself, to be his own person separate of his duty and he doesn't even recognise just how fucked up it is, because how could he, when he was shaped into this as a child, when his own father wanted him to be nothing more than a tool to use.

I could say a lot more about his relationships with other characters (that are actually good people) and how it just. makes me lose my mind, but this post is almost 1k words. so, simply put, kuro genuinely caring about him makes me so fucking emotional, especially bc of owl; his father might be horrible and an abuser, he might not know how to be more than he was raised, but at the very least he can serve someone who actively cares about him and his wellbeing.

[queerstudiesnatural]

ok well. just went to see a neuropsychologist and all she asked me were the standard questions you find in every internet autism test. which i KNOW don't apply to me ("do you find it difficult to infer people's intentions", "do you find it difficult to read between the lines" etc) and like she was literally reading off of her computer and asking me to pick one of the options between "strongly agree" and "strongly disagree" and it's like girl i could have done that at home. sure hope she's not stopping there and that she's not gonna just look at what i said but at the way i said it. idk it irked me that she just pulled up the old (as in outdated and reductive) standardised test on her computer and acted as if those questions would make me question myself like girl i've done this test fifteen times. not only is it not going to tell you anything about me but it's not going to tell you anything about most people. and most autistics. and she did suggest i come back for a more formal and global assessment, but she also kept using the words "cognitive deficit" to describe autism. which i realise is a commonly used term, but it feels reductive idk. so overall i'm not overjoyed with how this went lol.

[cursedwerewolf]

literally already thinking abt going to see astv again this movie is just so-

[legobiwan]

You mentioned replaying spm earlier and I just had to say. le meilleur des mondes possibles makes me insane to this very day. I think about they shit at least once a week. Playing spm and reading that fic within the same week for the first time last year permanently altered my brain chemistry and is still my favorite Mario fic bar none. Anyways. Thought I should tell you.

Anon, this message thrilled me to the point of yelling and dancing around my apartment. THANK YOU! I'm very partial to that story and have every intention of finishing out its sequel, solus creatura, once I vanquish the current Gravity Falls fic I'm working on from my system. Because, oh boi, do I know where that plot is going and how it ends and I must say, it is delicious.

Thank you for reading!!!!!

[blackcrystalball]

I am neither a pro or anti for anything and I don't engage with pro/anti shipper discourse because I was there for the several Steven Universe debacles.

But I just need to know; who the fuck do these people think they are.

Genuinely who the fuck do they think they are, because making assumptions on someone intentions with their own friends based on the insane stories they're making up is fucking ridiculous.

I'm not even going to touch on the rpf shit because that adds an additional layer to this that are honestly still not as rude as shitting on their actual, real life friendships.

Do these people not have friends? I presume not because if how they behave online speaks to who they are as people, I can't imagine anyone would want to subject themselves to that.

Honestly, white knighting for a grown woman who is more than capable of handling herself both professionally and interpersonally is not only bizarre but also fucking pathetic. It's weird, sad and embarrassing.

They're being hateful dickholes for what? What are they going to get out of this? Because it certainly won't be Angela's approval.

The Smosh twitter girlies need to get lives, actual friends and diaries urgently because this behaviour is unacceptable and just plain embarrassing. Like I cannot stress enough how embarrassing that kind of behaviour is going to be for them once they mature enough to see it for what it is. I've been a phannie since 2014, I remember the Phan proof videos, thinking about the posts I made back then feels like dunking my body in ice water.

And the worst part of their behaviour is the fact that real people are getting caught in the cross fire. Behaviour like this is going to happen over and over again. Every fandom will have deranged behaviour like this forever. The real issue is that the subjects of their obsession and discourse are real people with internet connection. The cast are seeing this shit.

They aren't made up little characters birthed and killed whenever you turn your laptop on or off. They're real and they can read. They are seeing this shit.

They are seeing it.

i remember some of those losers on twitter were implying/joking with their other loser friends that damien was trying to push the ship for his popularity sake (their ego and and how important they think their warped perspectives are to the creators they are fan of as an incular little community is laughable btw) because he dared to mention angela a couple times. (im not even gonna get into how infantalizing it is to be this protective over 30 something year old capable adult woman. but i guess you can only be infantalizing to men!! women dont count as adult humans capable of controling their own narrative i guess lol) or they would imply he was being weird and obsessed because god forbid he had something to say about his coworker he clearly values and likes a lot because she is talented and lovely (this is something only the parasocial angela stans on twitter can notice and appreciate not the people who know her real life!!! nope!!!) just like he does with his other coworkers/friends btw. he also mentions them when its in the right context. shocking concept! (i remember him mentioning how chanse gives good level-headed fashion advice and how gentle he is with it how erin/spencer are so funny etc etc on his streams but nobody is clipping that because it doesnt fit an anti-shipper or shipper narrative!) these are types of fanfics/headcannons a hardcore shipper would come up with btw, i always notice how hardcore shippers acts the same delusional ways with antishippers but with narratives shifted a little, jokingly or not. they are made from the cloth lmao. there are some stans that loove taking largely innocuous stuff like this to fit their narrative about what damiens true intentions are over every little normal human things he does because they are obsessed with their idea of him as this uniquely bad dude that i think actually reflects who THEY are on the inside :) just my humble little opinion/rant. i really dont think they are that important or have much power btw. just annoying and loud in their own community which goes away easily if you mute it/ignore it. which i did for a longtime but this weird shit they are doing sparked some hidden ire i guess lol, all fan spaces have weirdos like this. i have been in a kpop fandom before and its so funny how these people are doing the same stupid ship wars over a youtube/improve troop. im sure they also partake in similar fandoms before just like this. talking about biases being obsessed with lineups etc all are kpop standom language. its that type of behavior a fanship/parasocial relashiship driven mega industry cultivated spilling over every little micro fandom now. /this is just my weird theory that explains some of the off putting behaviors i've seen, in my experience at least.

It is wild to me just how much Damien is hated over there on smoshtwt, and people are attacked for stanning him. The same for the crazy amount of hate damangela gets as a ship.

I think it's unfortunate that damangela stuff cropped up after shourtney came out as married so people began suspecting that people shipped damien and Angela in the same way?

Also, admittedly, there is a lot of infantilizing of both Damien and Angela by their respective fans.

I think it really just needs to be an issue of blocking/muting antis like you said!

[helianthus-tarot]

SELF: Your natural talent

Natural talent: Something that comes naturally to you, that you don't need to work on, except in situations where the talent is blocked by personal issues like insecurities.

I posted the extended version on my Patreon which includes your potential (other qualities that can flourish if you tap into them) and possible career for you ❤️ There are other 80+ fun and juicy readings on Patreon so definitely check it out!

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Instructions: Focus on the topic and ask yourself the question. Choose a number/picture that you feel the most drawn to or that you can’t stop looking at. Trust your intuition. May the message resonate. Let me know which pile you choose! Feedback is appreciated!

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PILE 1 

Natural talent: 10 of Swords, 9 of Wands, Queen of Cups, The Magician. 

Your natural talent is probably connected to the theme of your life. I think it’s your ability to transform your experiences, especially difficult experiences, into something more or something better. Most people learn from their mistakes, but some people may take several tries to learn the same lesson (as in, they keep experiencing the same thing over and over before the lesson actually gets through to them). But you learn quickly from your mistakes, because you probably have a tendency to think and analyse your mistakes (or things that happen in your life) to death. Which can be good and bad. You have an active mind; your mind can understand something in multiple different ways, in multiple different perspectives. If you don’t have a healthy control over this, it can lead to problems, especially health and emotional problems. 

You have a strong empathy, an ability to put yourself in other people’s shoes and to understand other people’s experiences. Partly because of your own personal experiences; these give you the perspective and ability to understand what people are struggling with and why. But another reason is that you just have that ability to understand people and their situations without having to experience those things yourself. I'm not just talking about caring for people, I’m talking about really understanding the layers in people’s problems; how different things lead to this terrible situation and why people with this kind of problem behave in a certain way.

Some of you may be into psychology; cognitive psychology, social psychology, positive psychology, or clinical psychology. I hate saying this because it sounds kinda shitty, but your pain and experiences are a part of your natural talent, or they’ve had a part in the development of your natural talent whether or not you realise it; it's like a curse and a gift at the same time, or a gift that blooms through a curse. Don't take this as me calling your difficult past experiences a curse tho. I mean, you can decide it yourself; I’m just trying to explain the message lol. 

The Magician can be about mixing different things together; so a lot of you are creative thinkers. You don’t have to be an artist, creative thinking does not only belong to artists. Creative thinking is closely related to resourcefulness and innovative thinking. You are naturally resourceful. While other people choose either A or B, you are out here having the ability to see how to combine A and B to get C.

You know how to use certain information, experience or knowledge to create something in your life, and I don’t think you need much advice or guidance to be able to do this. Some people really need to be led, like, they can’t really figure it out themselves or know where to begin. I’m not looking down on them, people have different strengths, I’m just describing the difference. You, however, know how to start, how to create things for yourself, where to go, what to do, what to have. There’s an independent energy to this, like someone who takes charge of their fate. You also have a natural talent in manifesting; some of you could find this ability a bit blocked, but you can manifest very easily if you put your mind to it and stay determined. 

EXTENDED VERSION IS ON PATREON! What is your potential? What qualities can flourish if you put effort into them? 😳 And what career paths should you consider? 🤔📝 There are also other 80+ fun and juicy readings on Patreon, do check it out!

PILE 2 

Natural talent: Knight of Pentacles Rx (The High Priestess), 4 of Cups (The Chariot), King of Wands, Knight of Swords. 

You have the ability and strength to be yourself, to do what you want, to think what you think. Some people wait to be told what to do and who to be, but you aren’t really like that. I’m not looking down on those people, people have different strengths, I’m just highlighting the difference. You have a strong independent, bold energy, and this comes naturally to you, like someone who can’t help but be who they are and say what they believe in. You naturally know what you want, what your beliefs are, what you want next, and so on. You feel the pull or have the desire to leave a legacy in this world, to express your vision, to see your vision unfold and to make impacts on your surroundings. Like the previous pile, you may be good at manifesting, you can manifest what you want, especially by envisioning / visualising it.  

You are inspirational; your words and actions are, the way you go after your goals. For some of you, maybe you don’t actively try to be this way, but it still happens, when people look at you, they feel challenged, inspired, and motivated. Some of them may feel threatened or offended though, but if you aren’t unkind towards them then... that’s their issue to solve, really, it’s not your problem. You have a natural talent for leadership. A lot of you may often find yourself being chosen as a leader, or you prefer leadership role, or at least you prefer to be able to do your own thing and make your vision happen (good leaders are usually independent people who have the boldness to believe in their own ideas and don’t mind to assert those).

You are a visionary, some people have to actively learn visionary thinking, but it comes naturally to you. You can see the big picture easily, you can imagine how things may happen, or what something may lead to, you can see the potential in things around you, the opportunities, the possibilities. You have a critical mind too, so you probably have a lot of opinions about a lot of things, because you can see their potentials. 

You are passionate and intuitive. Passion and intuition can be the drives or the sources of energy that’s needed to take actions. Some people have to search for this externally, they need other people to motivate them. You don’t, you have a lot of that in you. You are the type of person who can motivate yourself and stay determined through beliefs alone. So your passion and intuition help you stand strong in your conviction, which takes guts and confidence to do.

Those also make you ambitious and daring. You don’t really doubt yourself, and even when you do, emotional hangups, pessimism don’t really have much power to stop you from pursuing what you want once you have decided that you want what you want. You have a stubborn streak that can help you push through obstacles. However, you do rely more on your instinct than careful, methodical actions. Some of you can be prone to impatience and make quick judgments, so just be careful with that. I mean, you have a strong intuition, so you are probably right in many cases but at the end of the day you are still human so mistakes can happen.  

EXTENDED VERSION IS ON PATREON! What is your potential? What qualities can flourish if you put effort into them? 😳 And what career paths should you consider? 🤔📝 There are also other 80+ fun and juicy readings on Patreon, do check it out!

PILE 3 

Natural talent: Knight of Pentacles Rx, The Moon Rx (2 of Swords), The Chariot Rx, Knight of Swords (Page of Pentacles Rx).  

For many of you, this talent may be blocked, or you may not have been very productive with it, as in, you don’t really use it to its full potential. This talent is related to your mental energy; so it’s likely that you are smart, mentally sharp, you have a lot of opinions. You have the ability to lay things out in the open (a subject or a topic or a problem) making it clear for other people to understand.

Some of you are quick on your feet, you think fast, you learn fast, you see opportunities, you notice problems and can come out with solutions to those problems, you see ways to break limits; I'm talking about being able to think outside the box and being innovative. But it feels like this talent just stays in your head, as in, you don’t really share it? Or you don’t really do anything much with the insights that you have, or the opinions and ideas that you have. Some of you share those things, but you don’t practice what you say. It does make you seem knowledgeable and like an expert though (when you express your opinions and thoughts). 

But with all these reversals it feels like the cards are telling you that you may want to try building something with your talent, properly act on it basically. Create something tangible with it, instead of just letting it stay in your head or in random conversations. I guess, it’s like, when someone has a lot of knowledge about a particular thing, they talk about it with their friends, but they don’t really ground it in something tangible; for example, they could start a business and make money from it but they don't, or they could start an actual class and teach people in a way that is more organised and productive, but they don’t; they just share it informally and not bother with properly recording and organising the info or not thinking much about how to grow the thing. Some of you may not share it at all. I wish I could get more details about what talent this is, but this pile is probably for a specific group of people who know what their talent is but haven’t done much about it.   

One of the main reasons for this blockage is probably your insecurities, or something you are avoiding; there’s something in you that is feeling conflicted about acting and grounding your talent and building something with it. And this internal conflict creates this back-and-forth energy and a lack of commitment. For some of you, it’s because you don’t trust your intuition or gut feeling about it. Which is interesting because I think you believe in your ideas/stance, you know it's good. You are also determined, or you could be a determined person if you tap into that determination.

For some of you, this sounds a bit odd to say but your determination is also a bit blocked. To unblock or tap into your own determination and ability to stay committed to your pursuit, you may want to try placing your need for security and need for assurance/certainty on the fact that regardless of your concerns about your talent or what you’re doing, believe that effort and hard work will never betray you. Many of you are also aware of how to solve your blockages here, you understand human psychology or your own psyche, but you haven’t properly, consistently acted on that understanding for yourself.   

EXTENDED VERSION IS ON PATREON! What is your potential? What qualities can flourish if you put effort into them? 😳 And what career paths should you consider? 🤔📝 There are also other 80+ fun and juicy readings on Patreon, do check it out!

PILE 4 

Natural talent: 5 of Wands, The Magician Rx, 4 of Pentacles (The Lovers), The Star. 

I wonder if some of you have recently questioned your ability, especially your ability to make things happen. Because when I took clarifications for The Magician in reverse, the cards that came out were mostly quite heavy. And the reversal doesn’t quite fit with the rest of the cards in this spread. So it’s either you have recently doubted yourself, are currently doubting yourself, OR this is a quality (i.e. being able to make things happen) that you may feel a bit blocked in yourself; like you can’t seem to manifest what you want, to produce/create what you want, to think outside the box, to do something more. 

You have the talent for it though, I don’t know why it’s a bit blocked but sometimes it’s not you, it’s your environment or it’s life itself, sometimes it’s just timing. There’s probably nothing wrong with your ability and what you have been doing. Maybe going out or leaving the house can help the energy flow. This is like a talented writer experiencing a writer block; it doesn’t mean they are not talented. 

You have an eye for good investment; and I’m not just talking about financial investment, I’m talking about things or pursuits that can help you maintain, build and protect your stability. You know what’s good for you, what you need, what can make you a better person. This could be something like, knowing which skills to learn so you can maintain and build more stability in your life. Probably the type of person who puts effort into preparing an emergency saving, saving money in this bank, saving money in that bank, saving to buy land, paying attention to security features, this and that.

You also have the ability to see the big picture, the ability to find (or create) meanings and wisdom in your experiences that you then use to motivate yourself or to feel positively about your life. You have a spiritual outlook or a spiritual bent that actually helps you remain centred in yourself, retain your hope, be more resilient in the face of challenges. Inner knowing, a connection to the Universe. Some of you may know when to act, you feel the pull to do this and that, you can't explain why but when you look at the astrological transits, those can actually explain your behaviour. So it’s like, you are in tune with the Universe.  

You know when to flow and when to push and fight. You are competitive, or you have a knack for figuring out how to win a competition, or how best to compete, or how to be among the best in a competition. It doesn’t have to be about an official competition, like a tournament; it can be as simple as knowing how to work with the algorithm on the platform you choose to post your work, or knowing what makes something stand out in your field and how you can emulate that, being aware of what people are seeking and being able to give those things to people, etc – which all help you come out on top. That’s very specific so I’m not sure how many of you find that resonating. But yeah, it’s a unique ability I’d say.

A lot of you also enjoy challenges, you like things that keep levelling up and challenging you; this is advantageous because everything in life’s got challenges lol. Challenges can’t really deter you or stop you from acting if you have decided you want something. Some of you may take some time to recover from setbacks, but you often get up and try again.  

EXTENDED VERSION IS ON PATREON! What is your potential? What qualities can flourish if you put effort into them? 😳 And what career paths should you consider? 🤔📝 There are also other 80+ fun and juicy readings on Patreon, do check it out!

[kerink]

the thing that's been most surprising to me with mouthwashing so far is how little empathy people are willing to extend to curly. and i don't mean this in a piss on the poor way, i'm deeply saddened and genuinely confused by it.

when i first played the game i was at one of the lowest points i've been at in a really long time. my mental health is bad my physical health is bad. i experienced SA a year ago and was recently diagnosed with cancer. i have 2-5 doctors appointments every week with various specialists.

all the while me and two of my doctors are talking about if i need to make a career change that's going to best support my poor health and improve my overall well being. and my family and friends struggle to understand, because i have a doctorate and a good job and live on my own. everyone looks at my life in awe, and they don't understand why i'm unhappy. they tell me so every time i try to explain it.

so when i played i immediately identified with curly. here is a man who's deeply depressed, having hallucinations, trying to reach out to his best friend for support but just has his words thrown back in his face, doesn't want to burden anya with his stuff because she has her own stuff and he wants her to lean on him, he has all these responsibilities and people look up to him and rely on him and have these ideas about him. the highest wrung of their ladder is the lowest of his, and they have no way of conceptualizing why or how he's unhappy and dissatisfied. before the reveal that he's innocent, i completely understood why he attempted suicide.

and then he develops a new disability.

when jimmy goes to crash the ship, he uses curly's unhappiness to try to convince him a murder-suicide is a good idea, and it works. it buys jimmy enough time to get to the cockpit and crash the ship. curly's too in his own head to realize what jimmy meant because jimmy distracted him with how bad his life is. it isn't until the sirens start that curly snaps out of it and it clicks for him what jimmy's done.

i'm not going to re-litigate the issue about if curly could have done more for anya because i've said pretty much all i have to say on it already.

but we really need to highlight that in addition to his lack of tangible choices, he's sleep deprived, deeply depressed, and hallucinating. this is not a man in his right mind making his best choices.

and over and over again i see people refusing to extend him any empathy, to call him a bystander. does a man who says he'll do anything to help and who wanted to be there when anya broke the news and who does his best to play liaison between anya and jimmy sound like a bystander? he let anya keep the gun case! he knew having it would help her feel better!

how good of a friend have you been when you were in your pit of despair? how much were you able to pour into others when your glass was empty?

anya wanted her and curly's support to be reciprocal. if she has enough psych training to do the evals, and having been thru nursing school, she's probably well aware that she and curly need to both be pouring into each other if either of them are going to be any good to anyone. but curly is so determined to defend and protect anya he won't confide in her, despite the fact it's running him so thin that he almost takes jimmy's bait that suicide is a good idea.

i don't think we need to absolve curly of his responsibility. i don't think we should over look his role as an enabler. i don't think we should discredit or discount analyses of his failures. but i'm so tired of people actively avoiding getting in his shoes, getting in his head, reflecting on how they've acted in the past when thinking and feeling similar ways. our worst moments don't make us monsters.

it makes me so sad. and frankly it makes me feel like all the times my family hasn't understood when i've tried to reach out. curly is screaming in agony and just like jimmy we're just trying to keep him quiet because it's too complicated to deal with.