#i HIGHLY recommend just going a week away from social media

[chaethewriter]

with(out) you

Jack Champion x reader

In which Jack follows his dreams, unbeknownst to you hurting.

word count: 2,2k

tagged: @viivvriv @genesis4545 @norrisgf @darkcrusadestrawberry @drxwstxrkxy @wafflehousewrold

A/N: requested by my fellow Jack pookies. this took me 5 hours to write my attention span sucks ass. DON'T GET INTO MY INBOX HATING— JACK IS MY COMFORT RN DURING THESE STRESSFUL WEEKS. Anyway to my other pookies, ily enjoy. <3 tell me what tou thought.

Are y'all in need of a part 2?

Jack's career was skyrocketing. You shouldn't be surprised: an important role in Avatar The Way of Water and Ghostface in the popular Scream franchises with a movie featuring Pedro Pascal on the way. Your boyfriend was going places and you couldn't be prouder, but his career skyrocketing also meant he was highly recommended among casting directors. You should be proud of him. You didn't want to be in the way of his success, but what about your boundaries?

He got fancasted in a romcom on social media, to which he grew interested in. He was the top choice, it was everywhere. The existence of the handsome actor named Jack Champion spread like wildfire. You didn't know all the details, but he got casted as the handsome love interest. Just the way everyone wanted it to be. He was trending thanks to this role and he couldn't wait where it would bring him. You were happy for him, but another side of you couldn't help but feel uncomfortable a the thought. You knew it was work, of course you did. It was part of his work and besides, he loved you, right? But you still felt uncomfortable at the thought of him holding another, kissing another, being another's. You never dared to voice these feelings out, though. And you wished you did.

News got out of the casting of the movie and media went into an uproar, everyone but you. The publicity of the casting meant that filming would start. He asked you to be there for him and you reluctantly agreed. You could follow college online, so you didn't have an excuse not to go with him. Was it selfish of you to think like this? You really wanted to be the supportive girlfriend one would see on television, and you felt bad that you currently weren't that person for him.

"Are you proud of him?" You would answer that question truthfully: with a nod, because you were proud of him and what he had achieved.

Being behind the scenes was anything but exciting. Sitting at a table somewhere behind the crew as you typed away on your laptop. Your gaze would occasionally wander in front of you, craning your neck to see Jack in his glory, working his ass off. You couldn't help but smile as you watched him in his role. It was amazing to see how he could go from being Jack to a fictional character. But your smile faded as the camera was rolling and Jack gave her a look similar in your eyes. A look he gave you when he looked at you. A look that wasn't only yours anymore.

You packed your stuff and discreetly left the scene, phone in hand as your thumbs typed away on the screen.

You should have communicated properly.

Jack's phone buzzed in his mother's pocket.

Her <3: I had to leave in an urgent, ily I'll see you soon.

Your relationship was rocky, not the same as before. Jack wasn't stupid. Something was wrong. He may be busy, but he always noticed any small detail that changed when it came to you. He didn't want to push you, so he decided to not push you further. What a mistake that was.

Not communicating your feelings properly.

Not pushing himself to ask you about it.

Was that your downfall?

With this lack of communication, filming continued, with you out of touch with reality. You still stayed in the city Jack was filming at. You wanted to be there for him, but being on set? That you couldn't do. You would be wandering around the city, sitting at cafes as your gaze would focus on the assignment in front of you. You only saw one another at night, when he met you at his trailer after filming. Sharing a small kiss before heading to sleep.

Even that was taken away from you.

As you, unfortunately, walked in during a kissing scene. A kissing scene that they had to redo continuously. Wrong perspective. Touchier. More passion. You couldn't help but watched how his lips moved in sync with hers as she pulled him down by his collar, his hands on her waist. Their bodies pressed against one another. The camera tilted as he pressed her against a nearby wall, deepening the kiss.

"Cut! That was amazing!"

You had already disappeared amongst the crew, your appearance unbeknownst to Jack.

As well as your feelings.

How could you ever voice yourself?

How could he make you talk?

Since that day, you hadn't kissed him on the lips. They didn't belong to you anymore. Was there anything of him that was still yours?

He had shared his longing gazes, his I love you's, his lips, his touches.

What was still yours?

Could you still call him yours?

Every morning, every night, he had leaned in for a kiss from you. His girlfriend. He didn't feel anything for the kisses he did for work, but yours. Yours would always give him butterflies. Made him feel like he was floating. Made his heart beat faster.

But his heart did the polar opposite.

It broke.

It broke as you leaned to the side, his lips landing against your cheek instead.

What had gone wrong?

He watched your expression. A forced smile. He couldn't help it anymore. He couldn't watch the process of your relationship falling apart.

"Baby, talk to me." His voice was soft as it cracked, holding your cheeks in his hands, basically forcing you close to him. Thus forcing your gazes to lock. Your eyes faltered, tears almost welling up in your eyes. Almost. Then your gaze traveled to his lips. Lips that not only you kissed.

"Soon, Jack." Your lips pressed against the tip of his nose as you lied through your teeth. Not knowing you weren't the only one hurting.

Communicating was important, you knew that. But communicating meant explaining your feelings. It meant ruining Jack's career. You couldn't bare to do that. So during the entirety of filming and after, this pain went on.

Him <3: We will be there in 15, my love <3

Her <3: see you soon x

The premiere of the movie. With flashing cameras, interviews, crowds and the first watch. Jack had picked you up with his mother. You were his plus one, of course he had chosen you as his plus on. Who else could he have chosen? Even though the two of you were arguing and you still didn't talk, he wanted to work this out with you. He had hoped this premiere could bring you closer.

If only he knew.

You stayed in the background as Jack walked past the rolling cameras, microphones pressed into his face as every interviewer wanted the first answers to their questions for the rising star. Beside him stood the his co-star, the two of them smiling as they spoke into the microphone. You envied her. Ironic, envying a girl while you were the girlfriend.

"Everyone was amazing. The crew, the director, the cast. It was an unforgettable experience that for sure made me grow as an actor."

"Yes definitely. Jack was amazing to work with and I look forward to working with him more often. There was a bond that immediately clicked, which helped with our chemistry."

It made you sick to your stomach, watching them bond. Their chemistry had grown so much over the months. While you were brooding about your relationship, the two of them had grown so close. Why couldn't you just tell him how you felt?

With your head full of painful thoughts, Jack took you by the waist as he led you towards the venue. While he was proud to show you off to everyone as the cameras were shooting pictures of you, your mind was elsewhere. If only he had already connected the dots and gotten out of there with him, maybe the night would have turned out different.

At that point, you wanted to be anywhere else but there. The lights were off as the movie played on the big screen. You wanted to look away the entire time, the way your hands fiddled in your lap looking so much more interesting than the screen in front of you. But you wanted to support him, watch him act and praise him for it, so you endured the aching in your heart as you focused on your boyfriend holding another in his arms. Jack took notice of this. If he was honest, he could care less about whatever happened on screen: his gaze was focused on you and you only. The way you reacted to anything on the screen. His eyebrows furrowed, as if it finally settled in what was wrong with you.

"I love you, why don't you understand that?!"

"it will always be you!"

His lips pressed against hers, a heated make out scene on full display. The scene you had walked into. You felt sick in your stomach, tears welling into your eyes. You couldn't make a fool out of yourself, so you got up and left. Just like that. He watched you leave and shot up from his seat himself, covering most of the screen for the people behind him. He mumbled soft apologies as he rushed after you.

He had to find you and this time, he would make you talk.

To your dismay, he had found you fast. His long legs keeping up with your shorter ones. You stood in the middle of some empty hallway with your back facing him, your face in your hands as you sobbed. All the emotions you had kept inside you were bursting out, all at once. You were definitely overreacting. He was just doing his job, but why did it hurt?

"babe?" his voice rang through your head. He couldn't see you like this. You have been rubbing your eyes, your makeup was smudged for sure. He stepped towards you, slow but steady, "please talk to me? Don't tell me you're fine. Since I got casted you have been so off.." His voice trailed off, as if the realization finally hit. You were hurting. And it was his fault. The realization made him lunge himself at you, his hands settled on your waist as he pulled you closer. You felt your heart crack.

That wasn't only yours either. You pushed him away with your elbows, thus making him stumble back. "You're not mine anymore."

What?

Not yours?

You owned his heart. You carried it with you everywhere you went, unbeknownst to you. Your name was engraved into his heart. It was beating for you, and only you. He was yours. His mind, body and soul was yours.

"I'm yours, everything that has to do with me is yours."

You snapped. All your frustrations shot out, like lava escaping an active volcano.

You turned to him, your face covered in smudges as your hot tears rolled down your face. "Do you know how it feels to see my boyfriend be someone else's?! You held her like you do with me, you looked at her like you do with me. Hell, you never kissed me like you did with HER. So no, you're not mine. Because when I look at you, I just see you with HER. I can't do it Jack, and I'm sorry."

You held your arms to your chest, as if you tried to protect yourself from further heartbreak. The sight broke him. He never meant to hurt you and he wanted to prove you. A step closer to you was all it took for you to stumble backwards, "why didn't you tell me? I would have understood. Babe, We could have fixed this early on."

"No, Jack. Holding you back was never my intention. And look at you, this romance role made you skyrocket," your voice cracked, "you're a star Jack."

"If being a star means I am hurting you, then I don't want it. You don't hold me back, you could never hold me back. Please, I will do whatever to be with you. There are enough roles for me to get that doesn't include intimacy! Like horror roles, a cool badass side character. There is so much." he was rambling and he knew that. But he couldn't help it. He had to do whatever to make you stay.

"You always wanted to be a star and reach the charts, you-"

"I LOVE YOU! It will always be you! You would always be on my first place! I can't do this without you, please." That sounded incredibly similar. A familiar scream, so echoey that they had gained peoples attention. Phones were taken out, as well as flickering lights filling the room. But he could care less, he needed to fix this.

Yet you were thinking the complete opposite. You had to leave, you couldn't handle crowds. You could hear his pleads as you tried your best to make your way out.

He watched you leave, his tears rolling down his face as his hands were in his hair.

"Jack! Mind telling us what was going on?"

"Jack! Are you officially single now?!"

"Jack smile for us please!"

"Jack here!"

"Jack this way!"

Overwhelmed.

Aching.

He got on his knees as he cried, his face in his hands as he begged everyone to leave him alone. Begged them to let him cry at your departure.

This was his dream, but at what cost?

[starhvney]

𝐒𝐔𝐁𝐉𝐄𝐂𝐓 𝟑 | 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟏𝟖: 𝐍𝐎𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐋?

𝐂𝐖: ptsd and descriptions of depression and anxiety, descriptions of reader’s hair being short, reader has scars, reader is medicated

𝐀/𝐍: this is the last chapter of subject 3! but not the end of this story…

𝐖𝐂: 8,800+

𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐓𝐎𝐑: the absolutely amazing @arienic! she's so cool guys

𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓 | 𝐀𝐎𝟑 | 𝐅𝐈𝐂 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 | 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐊𝐒

Your parents had brought you your favorite pair of pajamas to change into. The fabric's softer than you remember, soothing against your skin as you were ushered into the back seat for the ride home. After you'd settled in, a blanket wrapped around your shoulders, you were given your phone in a plastic bag. The screen was cracked, and when you turned it on a black line went down part of the screen. Apparently it had been dropped off the side of the road, likely to keep from tracking.

 Still, it was usable.

“It’s probably best for you to wait until you’ve settled in at home to respond to anyone's messages. And I highly recommend waiting until going on any sort of social media platform.”

Maybe it's for the best that you wait, because as soon as your phone turned on you were overloaded with more messages than your screen could even keep up with.

302 messages, 107 missed calls… So many random message requests from people you didn’t even know on social media.

Even if you weren’t still groggy from all of the anti-anxiety medicine, you don’t think you'd be able to even start unpacking most of this. Like the doctor said, it was best if you waited for a moment. You’re not even sure you can trust your parents at this point; not with how much they were clearly hiding. You’ll question them later. Later, not now, because right now… well, it’s just too much to think.

☆

The warm draft of the afternoon is gentle on your face as you gaze out at the street, the curtain sheers swaying behind you with the wind before settling across your back. This repeats in a rhythmic motion as you stay perfectly still with your chin on the edge of your windowsill, watching the world turn without you.

A silver car had pulled into the driveway about ten minutes ago, and since then there had been distant voices downstairs, too faint to make out but loud enough for you to know someone else was here in the house. So when there’s a gentle knock on the doorway of your otherwise silent room, you don’t startle or jump like you had been doing for the whole week you’ve been back.

“Good afternoon,” a man greets.

It takes effort that you don’t have to turn your head, still slouched against the wall as you examine the visitor. He has a kind face, the wrinkles that were imprinted on his skin showing he’s done a lot more smiling than frowning in his life; his voice is perfectly modulated and low in timbre.

“I’m Dr. August McCoy, do you remember me?”

He was the kindest doctor you'd spoken to in the hospital. You nod.

Dr. McCoy gives you a small smile and steps into your room. “Wonderful.”

You probably need to move now, to sit up from this spot you’ve been planted in for hours. So, after taking a moment to gather your energy, you do. The joints in your knees ache as you unfold your legs from beneath you, hands leaving your lap and flattening against the hardwood floor.

“Oh no, you don’t have to move. That’s quite a comfy spot you’ve chosen.” He smiles gently, walking closer and gesturing to a spot across from you, by the other side of the windowsill. “If it’s alright, I’ll just sit here with you.”

You nod again. With a quiet grunt, he takes a spot a few feet away from you, rubbing his knees when he’s settled in a cross-legged position.

“These knees don’t work like they used to,” he chuckles lightly, setting down a notebook and pen next to him before his brown eyes pivot back to you. “You seemed like you were pretty lost in thought, there.”

Yes—surely in the long period you'd been sitting here in silence, some train of thought had passed through your mind. But, truth be told, you hadn’t been thinking. Not at all. The emptiness making itself home in your chest was the only thing you could focus on, its heaviness pulling in your soul like a black hole, slowly consuming you.

“Ah, perhaps not thinking at all,” Dr. McCoy answers for you. “Simply sitting in silence and letting your mind rest is also quite the healthy practice.”

“I wasn’t really thinking about anything, yeah,” you admit. You're relieved when he hums in understanding.

“I see.” He casually rests his elbows on his knees. “Well, the last time we talked, you mentioned that you were going to talk to the couple who found you. How did that go?”

Donna and Logan. They came by to visit you a few days after you’d returned—by your request and their—or at least Donna’s—eagerness. She was a sweet woman with an endearing Southern accent. Her husband wasn’t so sweet in comparison, but he at least seemed to want to know if you were alright.

They'd been on a long drive back from their honeymoon when you'd ran onto the road, covered in blood, and collapsed in front of their car. Donna told you she recognized you when she saw the news, that she remembered you as the “cute little girl who came in the store with that punk ass Gene” sometime during the school year. After she brought it up, you remembered her as well—though at the time, skipping school and the… stalker were your biggest concerns. You thanked them both for saving you, and she gave you her number in case you needed any help, including “kicking Gene or any boy that gives you trouble's ass”.

“It was nice,” you tell Doctor McCoy. “Donna's… She's a good woman.”

“Yes, I’m positive she is.” He pauses. “After you had that conversation with them, can you tell me what you thought; what you felt?”

You glance away, back out to the street. After Donna had gone off about simple teenager problems like boy drama, the memories of your life last school year came flooding back.

“Ah, I see something there,” he notes, reading you like a book. “A thought? A question?”

Silence falls as he gives you time to answer.

“Will I ever be normal again?”

He smiles, tilting his head. “Well, what is normal?”

“...What?”

“To answer your question I need to know how you define normal. It varies from person to person, you know.”

“I… I don’t know. Happy. Not always feeling like something bad is going to happen.” You sigh, shrugging. “Like how I was last year. Even though I was still worried about things happening, I still had fun.”

He nods, looking very assured of himself. “Then yes, you can.”

“…How do you know that?”

“Because! If you want to get better, then you shall.” He leans forward again, tapping his finger against the side of his head “The human mind is the most powerful thing anyone can own. You can heal yourself by just believing more than any pill I give you.”

You lower your head. “You’re making it sound like it’s simple.”

“Oh, I never claimed it was. It’s going to be a very difficult journey, and you’re likely going to fall down, many many times. But… you know what?” He turns his finger towards you. “You are a very strong young woman. And the fact you’re thinking about getting better instead of just giving up is a big enough sign to me that you have the strength to get through this.”

“What should I do then?” you whisper, looking back up at him.

“Well, for starters, you said you want to be “normal” again, yes?”

“Yes…”

He gestures out the window. “Well, what would a 'normal' girl your age be doing right now? Where are your friends?”

The start of your junior year began yesterday. 

“At school.”

He leans back, now gesturing to you.

“Then why don’t you return to school?”

Return to school?

Was that even possible? Whoever had taken you still hasn’t been found. You’re a risk, a liability. The special treatment on top of having to deal with everyday high school issues… would that have to be your life? Were you supposed to deal with Ivy shit-talking you while downing your daily Citalopram at the same time? Could you do your Algebra homework while dealing with night terrors and only getting three hours of sleep again?

He chuckles. “Oh, that’s quite a face you made to that. I don’t blame you for not wanting to go to high school right now. I mean, being surrounded by so many people your age at such a time in your life…  Well, that sounds like a nightmare, doesn’t it?”

That’s an understatement. “Yeah.”

“That’s understandable. But, sometimes, the best way for people with PTSD to be on their way to becoming 'normal' is to simply return to the same life they had before—even if it’s a bit out of their comfort zone.”

Talking right now to this man one-on-one feels like pulling teeth, never mind going to a place with hundreds of kids your age every day. It was daunting before, but now… isn’t it almost impossible to imagine? Would the childish bullying you endured last year get worse, or will everyone treat you like a ticking time bomb?

“How am I supposed to act normal in school when everyone knows what happened to me? They’re going to treat me like I’m some—some case.”

“Oh, you will get quite some attention at first, good and bad,” he says lightly. It’s a little aggravating. “But, with time, that will fade, and your friends who truly care about you are the ones you can trust to help you through it.  I heard from your mom that you have a pretty great group of friends. Don’t you?”

You glance at your wall, covered in photographs, drawings, and notes—all from just one year since… today? No—yesterday. “Yes.”

“Since you mentioned you were having some trouble trusting people, I want you to take a moment to think about the friends you truly trust.” He emphasizes his words with a determined closed fist. “Do you have a diary?”

A journal with beautiful gold gilding lays on the corner of your desk, untouched since summer.

“...Yes. My friend Nana gave it to me.”

“Then, I want you to read over your journal and think about all of the people you know through the perspective of the journal, not through your current perspective. Then, on a sheet of paper, write down every person you trust. Don’t write down people you don’t trust, either. Only a list of people you know you can rely on. Maybe this Miss Nana can be one of the first you write down, yes?”

“Why not people I can’t trust?” Your eyebrows pinch together.

“Because, just like you have, people can always change. You don’t want to doom someone to be permanently on your untrustworthy list, just like you don’t want people to treat you differently because of what happened.”

“...Even people who I know are bullies?”

“Well if you already know that they are, you don’t need to write down that you need to stay away from them, do you? You seem to already remember!” he laughs, clasping his worn hands together. “Make that list, and think about what you want to do. Maybe try hanging out with the friends you trust after making it, and then decide from there if you want to return to school or not. How does that sound?”

☆

You stare down at the blank page on your desk, a freshly sharpened pencil twirling mindlessly between your fingers. Your hair was still damp from the shower; your goal of feeling warm under the running water quickly losing its appeal as you shiver in your chair. 

December 29, 20xx

Nana gave me this journal. It’s so pretty that I almost don’t want to write in it and mess it up. But I figured I shouldn’t let her gift go to waste, either. She’s always been so sweet. This isn't the only thing she got me, either—there's way more sitting on my bed right now, and all because she was so grateful I’ve been a good friend to her. I wanted to tell her that I was even more grateful that she and everyone else was friends with me, but I can't remember if I actually said it out loud like I meant to.

Speaking of gifts, actually—Vylad really loved the gift that I gave him! I was a little nervous he wouldn’t be all that excited about it, but I should’ve known better. He was as grateful and cheerful as ever. I’m really glad he’s become a part of the friend group, not just as Garroth’s little brother but as himself. I kinda wish Zane would try, too, but also… I don’t know what his deal is. I’m still mad at him for trying to be one of Gene’s little gang members. For how amazing Zianna is, I’m surprised he’s turning out to be a bit of a punk. It might be because of Garte. No, it definitely is. I just hope he gets his shit figured out before he starts doing stupid stuff to be “edgy”.

Anyway, right now everyone’s doing their own thing with their families, but I think we’re going to go to Laurance’s house for fireworks and stuff on New Year's? I’m pretty excited, cause I haven’t been to his and Cadenza’s house yet. Apparently they have a few sheep that their dad takes care of? So cute! Cadenza told me she was going to show me some string she literally spun HERSELF from the wool to use for making clothes. She is so much cooler than me.

You suck in a breath, then bring the graphite down onto the dauntingly white page.

People I trust:

Nana

Vylad

Garroth

Zane?? Not really 

Definitely Zianna

Laurance

Cadenza

Next pages…

January 8, 20xx

It’s the first day back from the break, and surprisingly enough I still haven’t had to deal with anybody being rude. At least for now. It’s pretty great, actually. Instead of being a loser freak everyone points and yells at, I’m just a normal loser with some cool friends. I think after Katelyn and Lucinda stood up for me and cussed out enough people, everyone took the hint and turned on Ivy. Who knows if that’ll last, though? I bet she’ll find a way to be as popular as before. But I’ll bask in my victory until that happens.

Gene, Sasha, and Zenix surprisingly have kept their word and haven’t messed with me. I caught them looking at me today during lunch, and Sasha even smiled at me in a not contemptuous way. I still don’t really like them, but… I don’t hate them, either. I guess we have some sort of weird mutual respect for each other now.

February 14, 20xx

Dante and Travis are weirdo little goobers, but they’re hilarious. I thought today would be kinda boring, but they started the day bright and early by attempting to use their best one-liners on me? All of them were shit, but it was entertaining, to say the least.

Also, PDH does this event where you can send flowers, candies, and sodas to people for Valentine's Day. I thought I was getting pranked when I got my entire desk covered in gifts. Some were from my friends (Teony sent me like three things, love her), but a bunch were from anonymous senders? I tried questioning everyone about it but—well, if they knew anything they were doing a good job of acting like they didn’t.

Aaron gave Aphmau a ton of gifts, one of them being a cute plushie. I was a little nervous about them being a thing at first, but with the way she talks about him and how sweet he is to her, I think I’m opening up to it. I still haven’t talked to him much at all, but he seems cool enough when I do. Maybe he was just going through something when school started up. Kinda like me. His friends (some of the werewolf kids I’ve kinda met—Blaze, Rylan, Dottie, and this kid named Daniel) seem pretty fun to be around, too. Anyway, I’m just glad Aphmau gets to have a boyfriend that treats her well. Sylvanna is not super happy, and I understand her overprotectiveness… to an extent. I guess we’ll see how that situation unfolds in the future.

Okay…

People I trust (cont.):

Katelyn

Lucinda

Maybe Gene, Sasha, and Zenix??? Maybe not.

Dante

Travis

Teony

Aphmau

Probably Aaron

Sylvanna

That’s already eighteen people you know at least aren’t wishing for your demise, and most of them are likely still waiting for a response to their messages. You’d replied to a few, but it was hard to know what to say.

“Hey, twentieth person to check in on me! Yes, I am super traumatized, and life will never be the same, but I’m doing great! Alive and well!”

Yeah, probably not.

Eighteen people is a lot of people to trust, doesn’t it? But, you suppose that’s the point Dr. McCoy was trying to make. Still, for this many people (or at least fifteen depending on how accurate you are about the Shadow Knights) to care about you… you guess you hadn’t really counted just how many people you’d become close with over the last year.

Above you on the wall are all of the pictures you’d accumulated; the memories held within the glossy paper are so fond, so warm in your heart, and yet… so distant.

Aphmau and you in your uniforms, posing by the entrance of the school. Your eyes look a little glossed over from how anxious you felt that day, but it was a little funny to look back on.

Katelyn, Nicole, and you: sweaty and laughing after practicing volleyball in the gym. That was the day Katelyn started begging you to join the team.

A candid of Lucinda applying your makeup for prom. You felt so pretty; she had taken extra care to make sure it was perfect for you.

A funny note Dante wrote you in class. He’d drawn a really stupid iteration of the teacher, and you almost got caught cause you'd laughed so hard.

Everyone sitting out on the Ro’meaves' back porch. Zianna had insisted everyone pose for pictures. You were cuddled between Teony and Nana, their arms draped over you.

The collaborative drawing you guys did at the Fall Festival. Garroth’s looks so silly—you remember having to defend him against Laurance’s teasing for a good five minutes. It was so hard to stop laughing.

A selfie Cadenza had taken with you, Aphmau, and Laurance in her car. The siblings’ silly bickering and good music taste started becoming the highlight of your mornings.

Travis, Vylad, Aphmau, and you at the movies, and the ticket you used. You all watched a corny romance movie Aph had begged you all to see with her.

Oh my God… why haven’t you talked to them? You cover your mouth, the features of your face crumpling as a whimpering noise leaves your throat. Why haven’t you seen them?

Shakily, you stand and reach for the closest picture pinned to the wall, weak fingers pinching onto the photo and pulling hastily. It gives easier than you expected, and your socked feet slip from beneath you, sending you tumbling down onto the floor. The tack holding the picture up slips from your grip in the process, finding itself unfortunately underneath you when you crash against the wood, lodging the pointed end right into your hand.

“Ah!” you hiss, tears springing to your eyes. Your turn your palm over to look at the injury. Damn it. “Ow…”

The pain's brief, replaced by a dull throbbing as you sit up. With a grimace, you pinch the thumbtack between your fingers, slowly removing the sharp metal. Though, where blood should’ve gathered in a small drop, the skin immediately seals over the puncture, as if nothing ever happened.

You wipe your face, aching weeps turning into a deep frown.

People I trust (cont.):

My parents…?

You recognize the footsteps of your mother approaching the doorway. “Sweetheart, are you okay? What was that noise?”

Staring at your palm, you offer a bitter response. “Yeah. I’m okay.”

“...Are you sure?” She’s quiet, just as cautious as her footsteps as she inches towards you.

“Sure. It healed up in a second, anyway. You know how better than I do,” you snip, whipping your head up to glare at your own image reflected back at you. Her eyes are much more worn, though, the lines in her face creasing as she kneels down to your level.

You don’t want to be mean to her. She’s your mother. But why was she keeping things from you?

There's a shameful twist in the corner of her mouth. Tentatively, her hand reaches out for yours, fingers trembling as she waits for you to take them. Even through the bitterness, the confusion—you take it, your cold skin warmed by hers.

“I… I know you aren’t stupid.” She squeezes your hand. “We do know things about… who it was that took you—”

“Then why are you keeping it from me?” Immediately, your voice raises. “It happened to me! I of all people deserve to know why!”

She tilts her head, her expression pained as she looks at you. It’s love and guilt in one confusing mix.

“I know. I know. And I’m not keeping anything from you on purpose.” She sighs, her shoulders sagging and head dropping. “There are… mistakes your dad and I made. We trusted people we shouldn’t have trusted, and—”

She sucks in a sharp breath, her eyes welling up with tears. “Baby, I’m so sorry. There’s things we kept from you because we thought that��maybe… maybe it'd be easier to protect you if you were in the dark, but…” She closes her eyes, swallowing. “We realize now that was a mistake.”

“...Then why won’t you tell me?” you whisper, your own voice trembling. “And why are other people involved? The Ro’meaves, Sylvanna, Katelyn’s dad—Travis’s dad? The Lycans? Mom, I’m so—I just—I'm so confused—”

“I know it’s frustrating, sweetie. And I don’t blame you for being upset with me. You have the right to be.” She nods, opening her eyes again and squeezing your hand again. “Right now we’re all planning to tell you and… their kids together. In a meeting. We're just trying to figure out the best time to do it. I promise you. We’re going to tell you.”

Your heart drops as the suspicions that have been haunting you for the past few weeks are confirmed, outweighing the relief in the fact that you would be brought to light in everything else. The words that leave your mouth next are panicked and rushed. “Why do they need to tell them, too? Are they targets?”

Her free hand reaches out, clasping onto your shoulder in an attempt to steady the spiraling of your mind—of the possibilities that were already forming into nightmares. “No, no, everything is okay now.”

It was getting hard to breathe. Your lungs strain to get in a full breath, the muscles tightening like a vice and causing your head to spin. “No, the person who did this is still out there. They’re going to get me again, and then they'll go after them! And then maybe, they—mom, what about you, mom—”

“Shh, no they won’t,  baby.” She swipes at your face. “You and everyone are perfectly safe now. Your dad and I aren’t… to let anything like… to… or any of—”

No. No, no, no.

Her voice is—it's gone, overpowered by a terrible ringing in your ears.

There’s the metallic clang of a door shutting to your right, and suddenly the room is dark. The bitter taste of blood stings your tongue, and long, shadowed fingers creep along your shoulders. Ready to dig in and rip apart your flesh. It’s going to get you. It’s going to get you. You never left. You never—

“Look at me…” The owner of the gnarled hands taunts you, in a voice so menacing and deep that you find yourself curling down into a ball, trembling and begging for it to stop, for it to spare you from its malicious intent.

“Look…”

It calls your father’s name.

“Help her!”

Strong, warm hands tug you up by the arms, wrenching you from the dingy stone floor and onto your feet. When the soles of your feet settle flat beneath you again, they’re greeted by the rug in your room instead, the material warmed from the sun shining through your window. The hands that hold you now are lifting you up, sturdy and protective—no claws. No claws..

“Sweetheart. Sweetheart, look at me.”

Your father’s eyes stare down at you, full of indescribable pain as his eyebrows furrow, creasing his forehead. Your mother is behind him, though her face is turned from you as her shoulders tremble.

Oh.

Your heart still pounds, blood swirling through your veins much too fast; fingers prickling at the tips, lips numb.

“I–I’m sorry.” A lump sits at the base of your throat, choking your next words. "I'm so sorry, I—I'm sorry, I don't know—"

“Don’t.” His voice is strained. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”

He pulls you into his arms, cradling your head to his chest, where it shudders with a shaky breath. You close your eyes, trying to ignore the lingering panic trying to trick you—trying to convince you that you were still clawing at bars to escape your surely lethal fate. That you were still there, with all the stone and grime and—and blood. No, you were in Dad’s arms. He wouldn’t let that happen, would he?

What was it that Dr. McCoy told you?

“...it can be very disorienting when you get intense flashbacks. But when it feels like you can’t get out of that memory, I want you to use the 5-4-3-2-1 technique. Do you know what that is?...”

You see… the color of your room’s walls. The pile of letters you’d received at the hospital lying on your bedside table. The sun glinting off the medal you won at the Athletic Fair. The fuzzy pink blanket from Nana, hanging off the side of your bed. Your mom coming to stand beside you, wiping her face as she joins your dad in embracing you. 

You can feel Dad’s arms. Mom’s. The light breeze through the cracked window brushing against your skin. The soft rug under your feet.

You can hear the cars, when they occasionally pass over the street below. Your parent’s synced, yet shaky breaths. Dad’s calming heartbeat against your ear.

You can smell your mother’s perfume. The lingering scent of the candle she’d burned somewhere in the house.

You can taste the leftover saltiness of the tears that had landed on your lips.

“We want to wait until it’s a good time to tell you,” your mom whispers, her fingers squeezing against your shoulder. “Because we don’t want you to hurt anymore. I’m sorry, baby. I know it’s hard, but please trust that we’re doing everything we can for your safety. Not just your physical safety, either, but your mental wellbeing, too.”

…You know.

Of course you do.

…They’re confused and scared too, aren’t they?

When they held you as a small child in their arms, did they ever think the sweet laughter and innocent twinkle in your eyes would slip from their fingertips in this way? They never imagined the baby they once rocked to sleep would grow up to be someone they didn’t recognize, someone broken and distant, trapped in a world of pain they couldn’t reach. You were gone, scared you’d never make it out—but they were scared too. They’re trying to cope as well, aren’t they?

People I trust (cont.):

My parents.

☆

You stare at the dark screen of your new phone, fidgeting with your hair and trying to recognize the face staring  back at you. With a held breath, you lift your chin, fingers brushing along the scar that swept across your neck. It was so straight and smooth, the indent lacking any evidence that whatever caused it was violent. Though, when the pad of your thumb trembles over the healed wound, it fills you with a sense of dread; like this is the defining line between the girl you once were and the unrecognizable one you were now.

“What are you thinking about, sweetheart?” Dad asks, interrupting the silence that had strung out over the car. You glance up at him through the rearview mirror as he mindlessly taps his fingers against the steering wheel. “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to. You can still back out.”

“No, I do,” you murmur, turning to look out at the wealthy neighborhood around you.

You're only a minute from the Ro’meaves’ house, now. Your lips press together as you steady your breaths, the long driveway leading up to the tall brick colonial home—a familiar sight. Several cars already fill the driveway, and though you recognize them as belonging to the very people you had begged to see, the fact there are so many of them is daunting.

All of their eyes, their expectations—everything would be trained directly on you. Will they hesitate when they realize how much you’d changed? Will the month of separation feel more like a year? Will you still fit in their puzzle, now that your edges were jagged? Will they still try to make you belong, even if your image is awkward beside theirs?

Truthfully, you couldn’t tell if the tightness in your chest is excitement or anxiousness. The two could be interchangeable, after all. But as you wipe the sweat from your hands on the fabric of your clothes and the car comes to a stop, there’s nothing you want to do more than jump out and run inside.

Everyone seems to be inside, but then you notice a familiar boy jump up from where he'd been waiting on the front porch steps, his light brown hair bouncing as he sprints to your car. Before your parents even have a chance to get out themselves, PDH’s soccer captain himself is flinging open the car door, eyes wide and hopeful as he looks you over. 

“There she is!” He leans forward with a wide grin, arms spreading for a hug. From how his fingers are twitching, he looks like he wants to lunge on you without a question—yet he holds himself back, waiting for your reaction.

“Laurance!” you cheer through the surprise of his swift greeting, unbuckling your seatbelt and turning into him—a sign he takes in full stride as he pulls you into him.

He makes a happy noise as his arms squeeze around you and he pulls you out of the car, your feet leaving the ground when he spins around. You can practically feel the joy he radiates, the warmth of it seeping into your skin and rushing into your lungs, forcing an eruption of giggles from your mouth. The sound is… odd. Not because it wasn’t right, or it sounded weird, but because you forgot what it felt like to feel this giddy—to have someone be this elated to see you. How could you forget?

“Wasn’t everyone supposed to wait inside?” Mom chimes in lightheartedly as Laurance sets you down, tucking you under his shoulder.

“Well, yeah…” he chuckles sheepishly. “I made an excuse that I was taking a phone call so I could be the first one to see her.”

“Oh, how sweet,” she coos, eyes darting to meet yours slyly as she walks towards the front door.

Your dad hasn’t said anything, but as he passes you to follow Mom, he gives Laurance’s shoulder a rather intimidating clap, patting him a few times with a serious look before moving on. The boy smiles nervously in return, before guiding you both after them, squeezing your shoulder as you go.

“Are you doing okay?” you blurt. 

He smiles down at you, an amused huff leaving his lips.

“Today? I’m way more than okay,” he reaches up to poke your cheek. “Thanks to you.”

You take a deep breath, closing your eyes and basking in the moment, before you step up the stairs. The cheerful chirping of the birds, the smell of freshly mowed lawns, the distant sound of your friends laughing and talking in the house; you really were here. You were safe. And now you can actually imagine it: being… normal again. Soon enough you’ll be surrounded by their warm laughter, able to join in on all the inside jokes and cuddle up by everyone’s side. This is real. This isn't a distant dream—it isn't just a sliver of hope to cling to as you curl up on the dirty floor.

You see your parents walk in first, the muffled voices beyond the door loudening as they slip through, leaving you and Laurance alone for just a moment.

“I was there everyday when you were asleep, y’know? Well, except for the day when you actually woke up,” he says suddenly—you think that somehow, he'd sensed your need to prepare yourself. “I was pretty upset when I found out the cyclops got to see you before I did.”

You offer a quiet laugh. “Still refusing to let up on that nickname, huh?”

“Of course. The little twerp deserves it.”

Laurance guides you the last few stairs up, making the distance between you and nearly everyone you hold dear only a polished door away. You hold your breath, chest feeling tight again as he reaches out to close that distance, his hand clasping the metal.

Before he turns the knob though, he pauses, peeking at you from the corner of his eye.

“You look nervous,” he whispers, nudging you with his elbow, “and a little teary-eyed. You okay?”

“I just…” You take in another, shaky breath, licking your lips. “I’m so different now. And not just in how I act, but I also… look different.”

He smiles warmly, reaching up to pinch a lock of your hair between his fingers. “I don't know, you look as cute as ever to me—the pixie cut suits you. And you sure as hell seem like the same girl I’ve been getting to know for the past year.” He leans in closer. “I promise no one is going to think differently of you or act weird because of it. If they do, I’ll beat their ass for you. Understand?”

You try to roll out some of the tension in your shoulders, sending him a grateful look. “Thank you, Laurance.”

“No need to thank me.” He straightens, patting your head before finally letting you go from under his arm. “Ready?”

“...Yeah.”

The door pushes open, and Laurance takes the liberty to step forward first, holding the door open for you. The first thing that hits you is Dante's unfaltering, boisterous laughter, even as Nicole and a few other girls yell at him to your right—likely about whatever dumb joke he made. The next thing that hits you is the sophisticated scent of jasmine and amber that permeates throughout the house, thanks to Zianna’s investments in luxurious candles. The smell's welcoming, familiar, reminding you of a time in your childhood you can't quite remember.

You step forward, glancing over to the doorway to see Garroth leaning against it, arms crossed as he watches the group of rambunctious teenagers in his living room. Even as your hands shake and your breath trembles, you don’t hesitate to stride forward, placing a gentle hand on his arm as you step by his side. His head is quick to whip towards you, his amusement with the scene ahead of him replaced by a tender look in his eyes and a quiet, fond call of your name.

As he wraps his arm around your shoulder, you look ahead, feeling the corners of your lips curve up and the heavy pit in your chest lightening. Katelyn has Dante in a playful headlock, rubbing her knuckles into his skull as he thrashes and tries to escape. All of the girls—Lucinda, Teony, Nana, Nicole, Cadenza, and Aphmau—cheer her on, declaring her as their knight in shining armor and giggling at his pain as they lounge on the couch. Vylad and Travis were laughing along too, seeming to agree this punishment fit for whatever the mischievous boy had blubbered stupidly from his lips.

Travis was sitting on the floor, cackling with his hand over his mouth. He looks… a little different from what you remember, hair trimmed to flatter his face more and skin clearer. His eyes shift slowly to your direction when he sees you from the corner of his vision, the bright green somehow lighting up even more, his eyebrows shooting up on his forehead. His hand comes away from his mouth as he points directly at you with a wide smile.

Oh! His braces are gone. Did that happen before or after you saw him in the hospital…?

“She’s arrived!” he announces theatrically, pulling everyone’s attention to you.

At first you flinch, almost pierced by how they lean forward and stare at you with wide eyes. Even though alarm bells set off in your head, and the urge to turn and hide in some corner is powerful, so is the bittersweet tenderness and care you force yourself to see in each and every one of their faces. Shouts and cheers of your name replace the previous bickering.

They’re all on the list. You know them. You trust them.

It feels like a bright light has been shined against you—and not a spotlight highlighting your new flaws or your hesitations, but a beacon chasing  the heavy weight from your shoulders; permeating your soul, warm and loving. It's so real, so genuine, that the light burned away at your fears and replaced it with hope.

They love you.

Laurance—who was still behind you and Garroth—ruffles your hair with his hand before nudging you towards them. Your footsteps stumbling forward is what breaks the unspoken barrier, encouraging Nana to leap up from the couch and rush over to you. Everyone freezes when she practically jumps on top of you without a second thought, breaths held as you yelp from the sudden weight.

You lower your head onto her shoulder when she nuzzles her face into yours, raising your arms to hold her back. Her voice comes through cotton in your ears, the pleasant melody harmonized by everyone else's as they join in, arms overlapping and warm breaths mingling, heating up your cold skin; praise and greetings fizzling out into a peaceful embrace. This group hug is lasting much longer than usual, but you won't be the first to pull away.

“Sooo… are you gonna come back to school?” Dante suddenly cuts through; he's answered by a chorus of groans.

“Dude, can you not talk for, like, five seconds?” Nicole hisses.

You feel him shift to your right when he laughs defensively. “What? I’m just wondering!”

Nicole pauses her beration of him when you start to laugh, shoulders shaking. You missed this.

After the group's settled into a comfortable silence, you say, “Actually, I think I might,” earning a few shocked gasps.

“Wait, for real?” Nana squeals, jumping up in her excitement and nearly toppling everyone over into a huge doggy pile.

“Y-yeah,” you say through stuttered laughter, focus quickly shifting from the conversation to staying on your feet as the whole group shuffles around.

“Are we gonna keep talking like this or can we sit down and give her some space like normal people?” Cadenza interjects, grunting under her breath. You look up to see Laurance ruffle her hair, the boy laughing when she sends him a deadpan look.

“In what world have we ever been normal?” he snorts. “But she’s right. C’mon guys.”

Soon you find yourself settled on the couch, squished in between Teony and Lucinda while Aphmau and Travis cling to your legs. Everyone else is sitting on the coffee table or on the couch as they lean in, latching onto every word you say.

“When will you be back?” Teony continues the conversation, fingers gently rubbing circles into your back as she tilts her head. Everyone else nods along, intent on knowing the answer.

“Probably in a couple weeks, maybe two from now,” you murmur, biting the inside of your cheek. The attention was getting to be just a little overwhelming, so you shift it back to them. “...What’s school been like this year?”

Everyone glances at the other, trying to gauge who should go first.

“Well, volleyball season just started—we still haven’t had our first game yet, though.” Kate makes a point to make eye contact with you as she adds, “We still have an open spot on the team, by the way… just saying…”

“Can you not talk about that sport for one second?” Lucinda teases, reaching over to pinch Katelyn's side and dodging a slap to her shoulder with a giggle.

“I’m just suggesting it. In case she wants to find things to do when she comes back,” Kate huffs, looking back to you. “Even if you don’t want to play, being a manager could be fun, too.”

“Hey! I was gonna ask her to be our manager,” Laurance argues, crossing his arms and sending her a dirty look, earning himself a fierce glare in return.

“Nuh-uh, she’s definitely gonna be the baseball manager,” Garroth chimes in, his hand covering Laurance’s face and pointing at himself insistently. 

“Okay, you sports nerds.” Teony rolls her eyes. “She can decide that later. Why don’t we update her on other things?”

“How about the entire werewolf population in the school now looking to Aphmau as the Alpha,” Vylad says, waggling his brows and nudging the girl’s shoulder. Her cheeks warm, and she sighs under her breath.

“Oh yeah. That’s a whole thing I’m glad I’m on the outskirts of.” Katelyn leans back on her hands, shaking her head. “I don’t even wanna know about that Ein dude that keeps clinging to her everywhere she goes. Just seeing his face pisses me off.”

“...Who is Ein?” you start, not quite sure how to unpack this as you glance down at Aphmau. “What about Aaron?”

Her face drops and she wrings her hands. “...Um, he’s not going to school here anymore. His parents made him graduate early and go to a private college. That’s what he told me before he stopped talking to me, at least.”

You frown, recalling the conversation you’d overheard in the hospital—what the Lycans had said.

“…And just what are we supposed to do about this? We can’t send our son back to that school. What if he’s taken by those psychos, too? That girl is lucky she made it back in one piece!”

“Aaron won’t be staying anywhere near that high school or your kids.”

Derek, was his name? Was he really serious? Would he really do that to their son? Even force him to stop talking to Aphmau, who was basically his girlfriend?

You stay quiet for a moment, reaching to pat her head to soothe the saddened expression that had started to form on her face. “I’m sorry.”

It’s your fault, isn’t it?

“…It’s okay.” She shakes her head, smiling. “It’s a little stressful leading a bunch of kids, but it’s kind of fun! And it gives me more experience as a mentor, I guess.”

“Following in my footsteps,” Teony coos, placing a hand over her chest.

You glance over at Laurance, lips wobbling. “…Baby’s first leadership role?”

His face lights up in recognition; he snickers. “She’s growing up so fast…”

“What? Ugh, this again!” She kicks out her feet childishly, looking back up at you with reddened cheeks. “Anyways! About Ein!”

You raise your eyebrow in amusement at her not-so-subtle change in topics.

“Why do you wanna talk about Ein so bad? Interested?” Dante butts in before she can continue. She groans, taking her jacket from her lap and chucking it towards him—she misses by a good foot.

“Shut up!” she huffs. “No way!”

“You better not,” Katelyn says, tone protective. “That guy has a bad rep, probably for good reason.”

You frown, glancing back down at Aphmau.

“He’s actually really nice once you get to know him,” she’s quick to defend. “You guys shouldn’t believe all the rumors you hear about him…”

“Speaking of rumors, there’s already a few circling around. I've heard some about Laurance and Garroth having girlfriends.” Lucinda quirks a brow, looking the boys up and down with pursed lips. “Seems the fan clubs are only getting more intense this year, hm?”

The two boys make similar faces, lips curling in discomfort and eyebrows pinching.

“Uh, let’s not…” Laurance mutters, scratching the back of his neck.

“Ahem! Sorry to interrupt, kiddos, but I’d like to steal the sweet girl away for just a second!” Zianna announces from the doorway, waving at you with a smile. “Do you mind?”

“Oh, of course not…” You rise up, untangling yourself from limbs and stepping around everyone's pouting faces.

“Be right back, yo!” Zianna cheers to the teens, placing a hand on your back as she leads you towards the garage.

“Mom…” Vylad and Garroth sync their groans of embarrassment, earning an amused laugh from her before the two of you step through the door.

Parked inside is a new Toyota Highlander, the pretty grey-blue paint looking freshly polished and shining under the overhead light. Huh, Zianna must’ve wanted a new car. Her SUV must’ve been parked outside and you didn’t notice.

“Are you okay, sweetie?” She reaches into her pocket, turning to face you. “Are you happy to be here with everyone?”

What exactly did she call you in here for…?

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m happy.” You rub your arm. “I’m happy to see you again, too, Zianna.”

She tilts her head, smiling softly. She seems emotional at your words, and you're suddenly reminded of how Garroth once described her as a delicate flower. You can definitely see it now, as her eyebrows turn up.

“There’s a reason I always call you 'sweetie',” she sighs, pulling something from her pocket and stretching it out towards you. “I wanted to give this back to you.”

The locket.

It glints in the garage lighting as her fingers tremble subtly, the surface slightly scratched. Despite this, though, it looks as freshly polished as the car next to you, like she'd made sure to take great care of it. When you close your eyes, the dark street of that night and the harsh slap that knocked you down and sent the locket flying replays for a split moment.

“It didn’t quite have the use I intended it to, but it’s yours. So if you want it, you can keep it…”

You breathe deeply, ignoring the shuddering of your lungs when you do so, open your eyes, and take the necklace into your hands.

“Thank you,” you murmur, glancing back up at her.

With her eyes a little more watery than before, she’s quick to turn her head, gesturing to the Toyota as she clears her throat. “How do you like this new car?”

When you turn to take in the vehicle again, you don't miss how she brings a hand up to swipe underneath her eyes.

“It’s really nice.” You nod. “It was the first thing I noticed when we walked in here.”

“Well, good,” she smiles, reaching in her other pocket and pulling out a set of keys. “Because there’s something else I want to give you.”

Your brow furrows when she holds her hand out again, dangling the set of keys in front of you to take. She tilts her head for you to take them, but you’re frozen, eyes wide and mouth agape.

“...What?” you breathe.

“After everything that happened, I was talking to your parents and they mentioned how you shouldn’t walk alone anywhere anymore,” she explains, shaking the keys gently. “And while my boys and I are perfectly fine with being your chauffeurs, Garte and I decided you should have a car of your own, in case a friend can’t be there.”

You close your mouth—it’s your turn to tear up now. “I… Zianna, I really can’t accept this. This is too much…”

“It’s not too much,” she insists. “I won’t give this car to my boys, so if you don’t take it, it will keep sitting in this garage until it doesn’t work anymore, so I’d suggest you do.”

There’s no words to even begin with as you take the keys, blinking rapidly and shaking your head. “I… I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t need to say anything, dear.” She pulls you into a gentle hug, petting your head in a motherly display. “Just guaranteeing your safety is enough  for me.”

You hug her back, sniffling as you stare at the car. Sure, you might be able to accept a few flowers and teddy bears, but this? The Ro’meaves may not be running out of money anytime soon, but this is still an insane gift for someone that wasn’t even their own kid.

“Also,” she continues, “I won’t pressure you to join in if you don't want to, but I’m making my boys take some self defense classes, and I think it would be great if you attended as well.” She sways a little, rocking you with her before letting go. “I believe Aphmau, Travis, and Katelyn are going to do it as well. You don’t have to answer now, but it’s something to consider.”

“I will,” you murmur, too overwhelmed to consider it at the moment—even if it was a good idea.

“Oh, and one last thing before I let you go, sweetheart,” she says, quickly dashing over to the passenger side of the… of your car, reaching in and pulling out a small bag. She giggles when she turns around and catches your wide-eyed expression. “I promise it’s nothing big.”

You press your lips together, accepting the bag quietly and looking inside. Inside are two things: pepper spray and a…

“A taser?”

“Stun gun. Thirty-thousand volts!” she chirps, much too cheerful for someone who'd just casually gifted you two highly pain-inducing weapons.

“Uh… Thank—thank you.”

“Again, sweetie, not anything big.” She waves her hand dismissively, taking the bag from you and placing it back in the car. She gestures back to the door, smiling. “I shouldn’t keep you for any longer. Your friends are waiting for you!”

You nod slowly, following her back out. As soon as you enter, everyone is quick to pull you back right into the center of the group, the conversation flowing once again about the silly, mundane things of teenage life. As the minutes ticked into hours, not once did you find yourself bored, the calming voices almost surreal to listen to as you sink into the couch cushions.

How easy was it, to take all of this for granted? A few weeks ago, you were sure moments like these were distant dreams, ones you’d never get to experience again. Such simple moments; the way Lucinda overdramatized her stories, or how Katelyn and Nicole would lean close to threaten someone playfully. How Vylad smiled wide at anyone he made eye contact with as he looked around the group, or how Nana would squeal anytime anything cute or romantic came up. How Aphmau giggled at every corny joke. When Cadenza dramatically sighed or tossed her hair. How Laurance always made sure someone got their word in when they were interrupted, and how horrible Garroth is at controlling his expressions when someone is telling a story. 

There’s a quiet understanding in your chest. You'd thought the edges of your puzzle piece were too jagged, but they aren’t. You slid right back into place. Even if the paint was a little chipped, a little smudged, you fit. Despite everything, you're still you. Everything is falling back into rhythm.

You almost died at seventeen. But you didn’t. This is reality now. You’re alive, and real. Being safe is real. Being protected is real. Being surrounded by the people you love—that's real. This is… normal. What you’ve always wanted since the beginning.

You could be normal again.

…Right?

©starhvney 2024. do not plagiarize, feed to any AI, or repost my works to any sites.

tag list: @orinlin @pain-in-the-ashe @youmake1mistake @arienic @wasting-away-on-the-internet @angelhyperfixates @remiechu @valentique @kalegrinch @izzybella1807 @marst4rz @vyladsgirl @rune-balot83

[livdom-queen]

Wrote my first ever fic to celebrate the 1-month anniversary of LivDom! Let me know what you think 💜🥰

The Best Chicken Tendies in Berlin

As Dom settled into his seat next to a sleeping Liv on their flight to Berlin, he pulled out his iPad and typed, “Best Chicken Tenders in Berlin.” He’d spent the past week on a media tour discussing the upcoming match between him and Liv against Rhea and Damian. During these interviews, he’d joked about treating Liv to the best chicken tenders Berlin had to offer, and now he was determined to make it happen.

Liv had been exhausted from the whirlwind of interviews, Zoom calls, and social media posts about Bash in Berlin. About halfway through the flight, she had fallen asleep with her head resting gently on Dom's shoulder. He understood her fatigue—after all, they had been on the go nonstop.

When the search results finally loaded, Dom chose the most highly recommended restaurant for chicken tenders and made a reservation for Friday evening. He wanted to surprise Liv with a special date to celebrate their almost one-month anniversary. Dom couldn’t believe how lucky he had been to get to know the incredible woman he now called his Güerita. This past month had been transformative for him, and he wanted to show Liv just how much she meant to him.

After landing and checking into their hotel, Dom asked Liv if she had brought anything fancy to wear. “Yeah, I’ve got a few dresses that could work. Why do you ask?” she replied. Dom just smiled and winked, saying, “No reason; just curious.”

The next day, after the kickoff show, Dom asked Liv to pick out one of those dresses for a special night out. She was so thrilled that she jumped into his arms, wrapped her legs around his waist, and kissed him on the cheek. “Really?! You are so sweet, Dominik!”

A few hours later, Dom stood outside Liv’s hotel room in a sharp black dress shirt and pants, holding a bouquet of roses. When Liv opened the door, Dom was taken aback. She looked stunning, with her blonde hair styled in a high ponytail and a striking black dress with a thigh-high slit. Her black heels made her almost eye-level with him.

“So, what do you think?” Liv asked, shaking Dom from his awe-struck silence.

“You… you look exquisite, güerita. These are for you,” Dom said, handing her the roses and kissing the top of her head. “Ready to go?” He offered his hand to guide her to their car.

Moments later, they arrived at ChickenBuzz, a charming restaurant tucked away in Berlin known for its incredible tenders. Dom had reserved the place just for them, decorating it with roses and candles to make Liv feel as special as she had made him feel.

“Dom! This is so beautiful! You did all of this for me?” Liv asked, her eyes shining as she hugged him tightly.

“Of course. You mean the world to me, Liv, and I wanted to show you how much I appreciate everything you do,” Dom said. They shared a sweet kiss before diving into a feast of chicken tenders and various sauces.

After their meal, Dom instructed the driver to take them to Charlottenburg Palace. He had researched and knew Liv would be enchanted by the place. As they strolled through the palace halls and gardens hand in hand, Dom’s nerves began to flutter. He led Liv to a magnificent fountain in the garden and sat her down beside it.

“Liv, I know we’ve only been official for a month, but our history goes back further than that. I just wanted to tell you…” Dom’s voice trailed off as he took a deep breath. Liv squeezed his hands reassuringly.

“Tell me what, Dom?” she asked.

Dom took another deep breath, holding her hands tightly. “I’ve been wanting to tell you this for a while, but Liv… I love you.”

Tears welled up in Liv’s eyes as she leaned in and kissed Dom passionately. When she pulled away, she whispered, “I love you too, Dom.”

In that moment, Dom knew they were destined to be together forever. She was the Ying to his Yang, Bonnie to his Clyde, but most importantly, she was the Liv to his Dom. 💜🖤

[thumperdaetime]

A Gentle Reminder:

if you feel like you're spinning your wheels, and stuck doom scrolling this week -due to the current political landscape. I highly recommend logging off for a bit and seeing if you have the stomach to call a loved one who has political veiws that clash with your own.

social media and news coverage is fantastic for getting info out to people who want to listen, but it is an ineffective tool for actually communicating with people you disagree with.

I'm not a people-scientist but every time i see "yelling at each other online doesn't actually help" and have the energy to look into What does actually help, experts always say that it's empathetic, long term relationships between people that disagree.

so if you have a bunch of nervous political energy and no clearly helpful place to put it right now:

go call your grandmother. talk about the weather, and the way you miss her cooking. give her a real living person to picture The next time a newscaster talks about the radical-left-mob. if you talk to her regularly consider asking what she thinks about the recent political thing. you're not there to debate or prove her wrong or even change her mind. just listen to someone you love confess their fears, and then share your own fears. you are probably actually on the same side when you get down to it. you both want a safe place to live and the people you love to be happy, (most people do) its just you dont agree about how to go about that.

text your little cousin a random meme, when they send back a thing about how voting is a scam, let it go. share a vine to find out if they know the deep lore. make plans to meet up and play whatever video game they're obsessed with right now. and if the vibe is right and its not going to become an argument, try talking a bit about why the whole not voting movement scares you. don't talk down to them, talk like your two friends who respect each other's opinion (Thats The whole goal actually) ask them why they think its a good strategy, collaborate on other activist things you can do together. included them in your politics instead of dismissing their points.

and its not easy, as wild as it is to think about having a deep but pleasant conversation with your worst Uncle. the fact remains that Your Problematic & Uncle is much more likely to speak up for gay rights. if you can get to a place where you enjoy each others company, and you feel safe talking to him about your struggles as a queer person. and to be fair, you are more likely to take into account the effects of a gun ban on the local wildlife balance, if you sit through your Problematic Uncle complaining about how local restrictions made deer season hard to do last year, and now the tic population is up and the food banks are empty.

divide and conquer is a long standing tactical strategy. and we have seen that fascist in particular like to divide people into a hierarchy of ""real people""" and an ""inhuman enemy"" . when we let their rhetoric turn our peers and neighbors into an inhuman enemy, we can loose sight of what we should actually be fighting for and against.

and if you spend all your time yelling at Doug Nobody who was taking an angry shit when you were typing out that essay, you take energy away from the real fight (the systems and actual active oppressors). the best way to stop that tactic is by standing together with people outside of the box you've been assigned (as much as ethically possible). and refusing to let the system make you perpetuate usless infighting.

When we let the political fandom (yes i mean the media made around politics and not actual political action) act as a wedge between us and people who could have been in our lives, we end up with weaker support groups and less per review for political ideas. it is easy to believe Q-anon if the only people you talk to believe in Q-anon. the same way it is easy to believe that Taylor Swift is a lesbian if everyone you talk to believes Taylor Swift is a lesbian. sometimes we need a person to stop and say "wait, can you run that idea by me again? it doesn't fit my perception of reality"

and Yes. it is probably unlikely at this point to convince someone who has voted one way their whole life to change their political views before November. but that doesn't mean we dont reach-out ever. there will still be politics in September and October, you will still need a diverse support group, and people you trust to bounce political ideas off of. and if you are as worried as i am about this upcoming election, it is very possible that having a community of people who are okay with working together despite political differences will be very helpful in the coming years. (and holding a meaningful, satisfying conversation with someone you disagree with on a fundamental issue is a huge skill to have if you want to take part in alot of activism, community building, or family gatherings)

a quick list of things Op is NOT Saying in this post:

it is your duty and responsibility to do this thing and you're a bad person for not doing it.

this is really easy and everyone should be able (and willing) to take on the emotional energy needed to do this for everyone they know who doesn't agree with them.

watching news or being on social media doesn't help anything.

this is the best way to help and there are no other things you should be doing with your time/energy.

the conversations will be pleasant and/or will always have a positive outcome.

any beliefs i listed together are some how morally equivalent.

you should compromise your beliefs for the sake of getting along with others.

the best answer is most likely centrist because both sides are extremists.

voting this one time will fix all of the things and you're evil if you are conflicted about it.

voting is the best way for a single individual to enact change in their country.

i love the president, and the candidates, and the voting system, and the two parties, and the electoral college, and the bombs, and the genocide and all the death and corruption and violence its all holding up and being held up by.

we should listen to "both sides" to get a fair and balanced picture of the issue

we should let nazis, and bigots, and fascist talk openly about their ideas openly as if its not hate speech calling for violence against marginalized people.

you Have to go reconnect with your abusers and toxic relationships from your past in the hopes you can convince them to vote correctly.

the current political thing that made me make this post is The Most Important Thing!!! that has ever happened in the whole world over all of written history, and we should all be talking about it for forever, otherwise you're helping the inhuman enemy!!!

things are already fucked so theirs no point in trying to get enough votes.

things will be fine and ok if nothing changes and we just keep on this projected path forward.

i know so much and am so smart and I've solved political discourse and if only everyone listened to me we would have world peace already.

Taylor Swift is a wlw

things I am saying. now. here. at the end of the post:

be kind. go look at the sky. i love you <3

[mrowmrowmrow9]

Godspeed with having no wifi, soldier. I wish you luck. If I had to go two weeks without my nature documentaries I would be devastated.

Also why won’t you have wifi, if you don’t mind me asking?

It was voluntary, believe it or not 😂

It's something I try to do about once a year. I was staying somewhere else on a kind of mini vacation where the wifi already didn't work, and I wanted to take the opportunity to put away my phone and laptop and just take a break from social media and the internet. I mostly passed the time walking around, reading literally a book a day, buying more books, handwriting in my notebook and playing the piano. It was actually really nice to be able to focus on those things for a little bit. Highly recommend!

[destinyc1020]

hi Destiny - do you have any tips on taking a fandom social media break? I get very 'twitchy' when I try to go even half a day without checking on tumblr - and with recent 'drama' I figure now is a good time to start practicing taking some time away! if anyone has tips, i'd love that <3

Well, for me I just tell myself I'm not going on the app that day (or week) ROTFL 😅🤣

You could do what Tom does and just delete the app lol.

If you're finding it hard to not check the app even for half a day, that sounds like an addiction to me. 👀

Maybe set up an app timer on your phone?? You can either go cold turkey and just delete the app from your phone completely for that day (or however long you want to take the break), and then reinstall it again when you're done. OR, you could set an app timer on your cell phone and just limit your usage of the Tumblr app to an hour a day, and then 30 mins a day, and then drop it down to 15 mins a day, until you just don't go on it at all. Honestly? I always feel a LOT BETTER when I take a few days off of social media. I feel a lot more connected to my outer world, my friends, my family, etc., and I feel more positive. 🥰

It's nice to get rid of social media and have a "Digital Detox" day (or week) every once in a while. I find that it's great for my psyche, and I feel more PRESENT in the moment. I love it. 🥰

I highly recommend it!

[modernmonkeymind]

We all want to be entertained, distracted from our lives. There's nothing wrong with a Netflix or YouTube binge, but perhaps its not so great that its become the default for us, or at least for me. Don’t get me wrong, I love me some TV, but watching the crew of the Discovery getting themselves into trouble, or the Click (wholesome though he is) making jokes about goofy memes doesn’t actually accomplish anything, and it takes time that could be used in more fulfilling ways.

Social media can be a great resource, and a serious distraction. I decided to back away from social media almost entirely once I realized I was letting people I didn't know piss me off, especially when I wasn't going to change their mind (hello Dunning-Krueger, didn't see you over there).

To challenge myself and get my head on straight, I'm embracing Cal Newport's Digital Detox for March, eliminating social media and all streaming video. I'm letting myself have access to a limited number of sites, primarily 84000, Suttacentral, and the Storygraph. I'm also planning to post to Mastadon twice a day (a poem and 3 good things), and Tumblr. I'm not restricting podcasts, audio books or music. I'll be using Basecamp, Meetup, and Zoom for personal development and to keep commitments I've made. I'm planning to revert my phone to something akin to what Steve Jobs originally intended, a sort of smart dumb phone that can make calls, texts, access messaging apps, maps, the app for my smart scale, One Bus Away, Streaks, audio, YNAB & my bank, and thats about it. In other words I'm making my phone a tool again. The question of course, becomes what to do without access to technological pacifiers. The answer really is most anything that doesn’t require a computer or smartphone, but some of my favorites these days include:

Meditation: I've been practicing based on the teachings of the Nalandabodhi, and Shambhala lineages recently and plan to meditate for seven minutes in the morning and/or evening, in addition to short sessions sporadically throughout the day. I'll also be single tasking for the most part, using activities like reading, walking, reading/composing poetry, and painting, as meditative practices.

Yoga: I got into yoga asana because I was stiff and not very grounded, and I decided to train to teach for similar reasons, since yoga is so pigeon holed as something only bendy acrobats can do. I've not gotten on the mat in a few years at this point, but want to get back to it, inspired by my teacher starting to teach again earlier this week after an extended health crisis. I'm planning to just do a couple minutes to start, probably just Sun Salutations/playing around.

Walk: A great form of exercise most anyone can do, and it doesn’t have to cost a thing as long as you have a decent pair of shoes and appropriate clothes for the weather. I've been taking daily walks more regularly recently, but most of the time this is a bookstore circuit that leads to lots of temptation. Going forward I'm planning to walk more in nature and go to libraries instead. I'm setting a 12k goal in Streaks, and shooting for 20k. I've already been hitting in this range most days which has helped with some serious weight loss.

Read: I’ve always got a couple books going. At the moment the list includes a commentary on the 37 Practices of a Bodhisattva, and Donut Economics by Kate Raworth. Books are magical things. You can learn most anything you might be interested in (I highly recommend Raworth's book), you can learn about another person’s experience of life in their own words (Montaigne basically invented the personal blog before the internet or computers were a thing when he thought up the essay format). You can also exercise your imagination and relax with a good novel (the human imagination has one solid advantage over TV & movies in that it isn’t restricted by a budget!) The plan is to dial back and do my best to only read one or two books at a time instead of the four or five I've usually got going. I'm also planning to read more poetry after my interest was reignited by Sister Jina's wonderful collection, which leads to the next item.

Write: Mostly when I say write I'm thinking of journaling and composing poetry by hand. I'm shooting for spending some time every day writing, but not worrying about getting a polished poem at the end. Just fifteen minutes of concentrated work.

Paint: I've taken a couple classes on watercolor and messed around a bit with acrylics. I'd like to spend some time each day painting, actually focused on having something to show for it each time, though that could be childish goofing around. I'd like to take a shot at using acrylics to recreate ukiyoe, get inspired by Zen/Chan watercolors, and take a shot at Sumie, though I definitely want to take a class in the latter at some point sooner than later!

PLAYING WITH MY CAT: Do I need to explain?

NOTHING: Seriously, we've become so obsessed with "productivity" and "getting things done" that as a culture its as if we've forgotten what it is to be alive as a human being. I'm going to try to do this more often, whether standing in line, walking somewhere, or just having nothing in particular to do.

I'm not expecting March to be easy, but thats kind of the point. I'm getting rid of some things I enjoy , but the fact that something isn't easy just means its more worth doing. I'll be journaling about it, and plan to post here once a week.

[militaryveteransworldwide]

Military Veterans Worldwide Veteran-Owned Business: 3 Effective IM Techniques to Increase Sales

This is a preview of my free newsletter, "Military Veterans Worldwide Veteran-Owned Business." You can sign up here: https://militaryveteransworldwide.club.

There really isn't much difference between starting a business for civilians than it is for veterans. Unless you plan to become a government contractor, most of the tasks you will do in your business will be the same. Often you will have the advantage of having a network of fellow veterans you can connect to in order to ask for help. You'll also have access to resources that civilians don't. Veterans in other countries may not have that option. That's why it's crucial we connect with veterans across the world to help one another.

When starting your business, regardless of what type of business it is, I highly recommend you take the time to build an email list. If you own a website, the likelihood of visitors returning is only about two percent. An email list gives you an asset you own, and it allows you to build a relationship with those on your list so that they will buy from you.

No matter how great your product or list, it won't make any difference if you don't market. Marketing allows you to get your products or services in the hands of those who want to buy what you have to sell.

Each week you'll receive the resources you need in this newsletter to help you build your business and make more money. These resources are taken from my newsletter, "Life Hacking Secrets for Business." On occasion, when I find stories I think are relevant to veterans, I'll share those with you. Enjoy!

Starting a t-shirt business can help you start a business you can run in just a few hours a week. It is an easy to scale business, and once you set it up, the only thing you have to do is market and handle customer service. You can get started for free with this free report and course. Download today to get started: https://milvetswrldwde.gumroad.com/l/tshirt-profits-made-easy.

Articles What is Email Marketing? - Neil Patel An email list is the most valuable asset you can have in your business whether you're an affiliate or you sell your own products or services. This is an asset you own, so even if you lose your social media, you still have a way to market to those you build a relationship with. Internet marketing legend Neil Patel will show you how to get started with email marketing so you get it right.

https://neilpatel.com/blog/beginners-guide-email-marketing/

Amazon allows you to sell your t-shirt designs on the site for free. Set up your designs and Amazon will do the rest. Here's how to get started. You can download the free course and ebook today and start your Amazon Merch business for free. Click here now: https://milvetswrldwde.gumroad.com/l/merch-mastery-made-easy

If My Company Is New To Video And I Can Only Make One Video, What Should It Be? Although you will want to create more than one video to keep your visitors coming back to your YouTube channel, you need a starting point. Here is how you get started with video marketing by determining your goals for your video and how to get started creating videos your audience will want to engage with.

https://storyboardmedia.co/insights/vmu-if-my-company-is-new-to-video-and-i-can-only-make-one-video-what-should-it-be/

What is a Social Media Campaign? How to Increase Social Sales Social media marketing is a great way to market online because you can market in a way that's completely free. The problem is that it can be time-consuming, and if you get addicted to the social media sites you're marketing on, you'll waste a lot of time doom scrolling. Discover how to build your first social media marketing campaign. Engage with your visitors. Stay away from the doom scrolling!

https://www.bigcommerce.com/glossary/social-media-campaign/

Not every veteran has PTSD. For the ones that do, there is healing and hope. Don't go it alone. This free guide contains 10 different resources to help you heal and deal with your PTSD for good. Click here to get started: https://milvetswrldwde.gumroad.com/l/ptsd-resources-for-veterans.

Video News High Ticket Affiliate Marketing: From Zero to $1,347 in Just 24 Hours as a Beginner If you are just starting off online, you may not have a lot of money to get started. There are plenty of ways to make money online, but the easiest way to get started is with affiliate marketing. Affiliate marketing doesn't require you to create a product or perform customer service. High ticket affiliate marketing is even better because you don't have to make a lot of sales in order to make a lot of money. This video will help you get started learning about affiliate marketing.

Wrap Up I hope this week's newsletter helped you understand the importance of these internet marketing techniques. Maybe you even tried your hand at affiliate marketing. The most important recommendation I can make here is to build your veteran-owned business on a solid foundation. Build a simple website to capture leads. Drive traffic to that site with videos and social media marketing. Email your list regularly with a combination of content and offers. Build relationships. Then it becomes easy to make sales.

Look for more tips and strategies to help you build an effective business in the next issue. I'll also share how I constructed my websites and why to help you create websites that effectively sell your products or services and build your list. Until next time!

This newsletter is published on Thursdays.

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor. The information in this newsletter and on my site is for informational purposes only. I aim to provide you with the best possible information to help you make informed decisions. I would recommend that before beginning any program you have a checkup to determine the status of your health and that you discuss any concerns you may have with a medical professional. If you have any questions or need support, please contact me through my site: https://militaryveteransworldwide.club/contact-us/.

This newsletter may also contain affiliate links. The sale of the programs provided is designed to help support my work. You are under no obligation to purchase anything.

[dashboarddiaries]

Dashboard Diaries is a production of Atypical Artists, hosted by Lauren Shippen (@thelaurenshippen) and Cher McAnelly (@overchers). Our theme was composed by Lauren Shippen and mixed by Brandon Grugle. Art by Shae McMullin. Transcription by Laudable.

For ad-free episodes and more, become a pal at atypicalartists.co/support.

[intro music]

Cher: Hello, Dead Pool-igans, Wolver-feinds, Gigante beans, and penguins. I’m Cher McAnelly, semi-pro question asker and series watcher.

Lauren: And I’m Lauren Shippen, professional writer and aspiring universe completionist. 

Cher: And this is Dashboard Diaries, a podcast for you – the folks who are in this internet bunker with us. We talk about what’s going on in our favorite hell site, get into what we like to call “tumbl-lore,” do fandom deep dives, and share the times when we’ve gone feral over a new ship.

So, Lauren, what has your last month on Tumblr been like? 

Lauren: It’s been interesting. It’s so funny, for whatever reason I feel like we recorded our last episode like a week ago even though it’s been a month. It’s just ... what a month it’s been. You know?

Cher: Yeah. We’ve lived so many years and yet it has gone by so quickly.

Lauren: Truly. I have both been spending a lot of time on Tumblr and also no time on social media at all. I was traveling at the end of October and that was really crazy. And then the first week of November was what it was. I think a lot of people were sort of stepping away from social media. So, yeah. I haven’t been super, super active. 

That said, I did immediately go diving into The Penguin tag after the season finale which we’re going to get into. And then also I’m going to get into this later in my Feels Corner. Dr. Odyssey. I’ve really been enjoying Dr. Odyssey. I don’t know if you’re watching the show at all ...?

Cher: I am not watching this, but I really enjoyed The Penguin recommendation!

Lauren: Good! Oh, good. Okay.

Cher: So, we’ll have to check this out, too. Yeah.

Lauren: Dr. Odyssey is the opposite of The Penguin in many ways. I do have a lot of feelings about it but just also in general the Tumblr tag is very, very good. So, I highly recommend going into the Tumblr tag because people are having a very good time with it. And then also on my own personal Tumblr, TheLaurenShippen.Tumblr.com, I invited questions from folks about making audio drama and stuff because I want to be more active again in the audio drama community and I’ve been having fun getting back into that and catching up with some folks and stuff. I had a Zoom hangout with a bunch of audio drama folks last week. And it was really fun. A) We hadn’t spoken to each other in like any kind of real capacity in months and months and months. We’re usually hanging around the WJ discord or emailing each other or whatever and this is the first time I saw a lot of these people face to face in a while. And a bunch of them were joining Tumblr for the first time. Which is just really exciting. 

Cher: That’s so great. I love to hear that.

Lauren: Because Twitter is Twitter and obviously Blue Sky is starting to kick up again and things like that. Everybody is kind of navigating what social media looks like. I think for audio drama especially, which is the main thing that I do, Tumblr has always been the place that the listeners have been and the community has been in part but I think for a lot of other audio drama creators who unlike me have not been on Tumblr since they were 17 it’s been a little intimidating. But I think the people are now getting into it in a fun way. So, that was really encouraging and I’m excited to kind of see the audio drama community get a little bit more active again on Tumblr. So, yeah. 

This was your first month on Tumblr as a user! 

Cher: Yeah, and it was also definitely, as you said earlier, an interesting month overall. I would say in general I have been staying off of social media across the board.

Lauren: Overall. Yeah.

Cher: Yeah, except for going into sometimes sub Reddits of things or shows that I’m watching. Generally things that don’t have a community on Tumblr that I watch, which is all my slew of reality shows that I tend to follow that I don’t really hit on Tumblr but always have in depth episode discussions. But yeah, I haven’t really been on Tumblr. I was going to throw it in my Feels Corner ... definitely a moment of vulnerability but we’re all friends here. We’ve been chatting and everyone has been listening for, what, 40+ episodes ... so, this was the first month, as you mentioned, I was not working at Tumblr and as a Tumblr employee was a member of, I want to say, a dozen of official Tumblr blogs. Our entertainment account, or SAF account, all these different, fandom’s. Obviously, after you leave Tumblr you’re no longer a member of those official accounts.

Lauren: Yeah, they don’t let you post anymore. 

Cher: Yeah. At first there was a couple of days where there was a lag and I was still in those blogs. Obviously I couldn’t post but it just felt nice to be in them. And I checked the other day and I was no longer in those official blogs. I knew it was coming but I was like, aw man. I’m just a user now. I don’t have my admin privileges. But yeah, no, it’s been ... I dove into the tag to prep for this episode. So, I was really enjoying, yeah, the content around especially Agatha. I feel like it just aligns so well with ... the vibe of the show is so Tumblr. 

Lauren: Totally.

Cher: Especially Catherine Hawn and Aubrey ... it’s just everything about it. The content has been incredible and so funny. Especially the Tumblr posts which has been a big trend, as it is with most series that hit on Tumblr. But yeah. So, it’s been a good last month, an interesting month, and unrelated to Tumblr but I will be posting on Tumblr about it, so kind of related to Tumblr. I decided to book a last minute trip to Japan. 

Lauren: I love this for you.

Cher: I leave tomorrow. 

Lauren: It’s so crazy! (laughter)

Cher: I’m excited. Speaking of posting on Tumblr ... by the way. My first question is a follow up because you mentioned earlier that you were taking some questions, you were getting questions from people about audio drama. So, I would love to know if you could share what your favorite question was or one that maybe surprised you the most before we dive into our archives.

Lauren: That is such a good question. And I literally have to go to my own blog to see which questions because this was like last week. Oh yeah. So, actually one question that came up, this is one of the last questions I answered sort of about writing and things like that, and if you go to my Tumblr you can just go to my master post which is pinned at the top and click on Lauren Answers Things and you’ll see all this stuff. So, yeah, there were lots of questions about writing process and re-writing and drafts and what would you go back and change, what have you learned from the mistakes that you’ve made and things like that which were all great. But then I got a question about how much of an impact has writing and consuming fan fiction had in your career. 

Which is something I hadn’t really thought directly about. And the answer I gave was that for reading fan fiction I’ve been doing that since 2006, Bones fan fic was the first thing that I ever read fan fic for. And I was a very active fan fic reader and commenter on fanfiction.net ‘cause this is pre AO3 by several years. And I think for me the thing that reading fan fiction has really done is give me permission to think of writing as anything and to think of storytelling as anything. I think about the two fandom’s I was most active reading in as a 20-something when I was also starting to write my own original work in a serious way where Sherlock fandom and Marvel, specifically Captain America the Winter Soldier, and I think that ... there are some Winter Solider fics that I like have gone back to time and time again because they do so many interesting things with prose style and with format and with telling a story in a sort of deconstructed way. The third book that I wrote was a story told entirely through diary entries, Reddit posts, Tumblr posts, and letters. And that feels like something that, yes, exists certainly in mainstream fiction quite a bit but I think that just growing up sort of reading fan fiction really had a positive impact on what I imagined as writing a book or writing prose. 

And then in terms of, I started writing fan fiction in ... Hmm, I wrote this down in the answer, I think in 2017, 2018 ... And that taught me how to write in other people’s universes in a way that I think is incredibly useful because that’s also now something that I do professionally. Right? I wrote a show for Marvel. I wrote a show for Stranger Things for Netflix. I had to learn how to work in other people’s universes and mimic the speaking style of a character like Robin Buckley. Who is an established character. Or Reed Richards or whoever else. 

So, I think that’s something that writing fan fic has really done for me. The other thing that is so, so useful in writing fan fic is that a couple of years ago I got into a new fandom and went completely bonkers on writing fan fic and wrote about 250,000 words of fan fiction in a year which is the equivalent to two or three books. (laughs) 

Cher: It’s like an Odyssey.

Lauren: Yeah. My longest book to date that’s published is my third book and I think that was 117,000 words. So, this is significantly more. And so I think writing fan fiction taught me how to write a lot very quickly. And also to not be precious about a first draft. I think one of the things I really love about writing fan fiction is that I do it anonymously. And I do it for the love of the game. And so it’s like the things that I publish do not have to be perfect because people are just happy to have more ... especially because I tend to write in very small fandom’s, like people are just happy for more content. 

So, it’s okay if it’s a little sloppy. It’s okay if I kind of take short cuts here and there. And I think that that skill as a professional writer is so necessary to be able to just like spit out a terrible first draft – it’s crucial to getting anything done. Because you can’t edit a blank page. You just have to get that first draft out. 

I’ve been rambling for so long about fan fiction. But I thought that was an interesting question. I think in terms of what we’re talking about today as our main topic, so much of storytelling these days is existing within these larger universes that learning how to operate within an existing universe I think actually is a useful skill as somebody who wants to be a professional writer in mainstream art. Whether it’s like scripted stuff or comics or whatever else.

Cher: Absolutely. I couldn’t agree more. The titles that we’re talking about today which are The Penguin and Agatha All Along are character driven spin offs. They are essentially sanctioned fan fiction.

Lauren: Oh, totally! 

Cher: If you really look at them like that. So, yeah. I know that this is just veering away from the episode but now I’m really interested to know – were any of the storylines that you created in your fan fiction work or structures or little things ... did anything make it into the official work that you did for Marvel or for Stranger Things?

Lauren: I mean, that’s interesting. Because I’ve never actually written fan fiction for Marvel or for Stranger Things. Actually ... 

Cher: Okay, so The Winter Soldier ... you were reading it but you didn’t-

Lauren: No, I was just reading. 

Cher: Okay.

Lauren: That’s actually not entirely true. I technically have written one fic that involves Bucky Barnes. But Bucky Barnes was not a character that I was writing in Marvel. And also that was like a very, very short fic. Just kind of a character study type of thing. But yeah. I’ve never actually written in either of those universes. And in general I do try to stay away from potentially even ... I’ve read a lot of Marvel fan fiction but I’ve never read any Stranger Things fan fiction ... which in part because weirdly enough I was always a fan of Stranger Things but writing the Stranger Things show that I wrote turned me into a super fan. 

You know, you go really deep on a character and you just kind of become obsessed with them. And I re-watched the first season a million times. Because that’s when the podcast takes place and just to kind of align everything in my head. And so I wasn’t really inclined to read fan fiction before writing that podcast and then since then I’m always like, well, I would love for Netflix to come knocking on my door again and ask me to do another Stranger Things podcast and so I’m not going to read any fic because if there’s even the slightest chance that I could potentially end up working in that plotline, I think things like what we’re talking about today – Marvel, DC – I think those are a little bit different because they’re so far reaching and because there’s not really a true canon. But for something like Stranger Things or like ... I’m trying to think of the other shows that I love ... actually even like Star Wars. I would love to write for Star Wars someday but I don’t know that I would necessarily want to read a ton of fan fic. I have dabbled in Star Wars fan fiction, but I don’t know that I’d want to read a ton of it because it’s like I wouldn’t want it to then affect if I actually got a hand on any of those characters that I was working with.

And it’s very similar to the affect that happens of like I used to read Supernatual fan fiction and now I don’t because I know Misha Collins. There’s a certain level that you get to or a stage that you get to with certain works or with certain ... one of my good friends writes on Stranger Things. Where reading fic for it just becomes, it’s very hard to separate them out in my mind. If that makes sense.

Cher: Absolutely. Oh yeah. 100%. I feel the same. Every show or film or project that I’ve worked on changes it whether I’ve done an interview for it or I just worked on a digital campaign for it, whatever it is, it impacts ... it took me so long to watch the Barbie movie because I did a huge launch for it. And we ended up launching a Tumblr for it and did this whole campaign. And the amount of time and energy and work I was just like, I’m not ready to look at this. And the same I think with interviews. Especially when I’ve interviewed people who ... like Misha for example who I’ve worked with him over the years, once I’ve consistently worked with people the POV or the angle or the way in which you’re a fan of the show changes. 

I’m a fan who is a fan because I love this work and I’m connected to it because of the love of the work. And then when you’re connected by knowing someone or being ... it’s more like I’m a fan and I respect the work that’s being done here and ... yeah, it definitely kind of changes the way that you view it. Yeah, I definitely feel that in pretty much ... anything I’ve touched in any way or worked on I feel like I can no longer view it as a pure fan. It’s definitely a double edged sword of working in fandom and working around the things that you love so much.

Lauren: Completely.

Cher: I’ve even sometimes felt kind of a little bit of ... and I think I can admit this now that I don’t work at Tumblr anymore. When campaigns have fallen through, something hasn’t worked out, whatever it is for a big title or someone that I really respect - I’m both excited for it to happen but when it doesn’t if something doesn’t happen for whatever reason, there’s always a little bit of relief because I get to stay separated from whatever that is and just view it as a fan.

Lauren: No, that’s so real. Yeah. People for years and years, I was living in LA and making podcasts and podcasts started getting paid attention to by larger Hollywood studios and stuff so I was having a lot of these meetings with these bigger studios who were interested in making podcasts. And they were like, eventually you want to move over to TV right? And I was like, no, I don’t. A) I’m not a visual person. I really like working in audio. Also, I want to keep my TV my TV. I already have so many friends who work in television and there are so many shows that I watch where it’s like I can see the seams of the thing. And sometimes that is a wonderful thing, right? 

Yeah, it’s like getting to write for the Stranger Things universe made me a bigger fan of that show. Right? But sometimes it’s distracting. Right? When you’re like, oh, I know the person who wrote this episode or, oh, I know the person who was the first idea on this thing or whatever else. And you hear stories about people. And like sometimes those things are like, oh my god, it’s so great that person is really cool. And then sometimes it’s not that. (laughs) And so it’s like I don’t want to be more involved in TV than I already am tangentially next to TV being made, because I love watching TV so much. And I don’t really need to take it away from me.

Cher: Yeah. Could not agree more. It is so nice to have it just stay your comfort thing and just the thing you enjoy which yeah. Working on it anyway, there’s no way to not change it if you are connected to it.

[game show trill]

Speaking of franchises ... the topic of today’s episode is two of the biggest franchise creators or universes. We’re talking about DC and Marvel, of course. Today’s focuses are The Penguin which is a DC spin off series, obviously, about DC’s The Penguin in the Batman universe on HBO. And then Agatha All Along. Which is a spin off about Agatha Harkness the witch who you may remember from Wanda Vision which is on Disney+.

So, two fun shows, two big fandom’s. I know, Lauren, that you are a big fan of The Penguin. Have you seen Agatha All Along as well? 

Lauren: I have. I was going to say, have you see all episodes of both of these shows?

Cher: I have. Have you?

Lauren: I have as well. So, we should probably say this is going to be spoiler full. If you don’t want to be spoiled for either of these shows, bookmark this and come back to it once you’ve watched them.

Cher: Yeah.

Lauren: What is your feeling about ... what is your relationship to both of these shows?

Cher: Well, I binged watched both in the past week.

Lauren: Nice.

Cher: So, I am sure that upon a re-watch there will be a lot of details that I catch again. I look forward to that. But my relationship to both ... I am very ... I would say I have a really solid baseline familiarity with both the DC and Marvel universes. I’ve seen all of the Batmen ... Dark Knights, the films. I haven’t seen a lot of the cartoons in both, but I’ve seen most of the Marvel spin off series, I loved Wanda Vision. And I really enjoyed Catherine Hawn’s character. So, just overall both of these those were shows that I was excited to watch, very much enjoyed going into the universes of. For the listeners who might not be familiar with both of these shows could you give us a quick TLDR of the plots?

Lauren: Totally. Yeah. So, starting with Agatha All Along. That is about, as you said, Agatha Harkness, this witch who was basically put under this spell by Wanda, the Scarlet Witch, from the larger MCU and the story kind of begins with her still trapped in this spell and then this young man comes to her and is like, I want to travel the witch’s road which is this sort of rumored thing that witches can access and if they walk it in pass trials they can sort of ask for something. And Agatha has had her magic stripped away from her so she’s like, okay, let’s gather a coven of people to go and walk the witch’s road and I’m going to get my power back. 

And Agatha is very much a villain and it is very much her sort of manipulating and being shady with these other witches. And there’s the mystery of like who this young man is and what he is looking for and why he came to Agatha. And each episode is sort of a different trial and focuses on different characters. This whole coven of witches. And there’s a very, very toxic queer lady romance at the center of it which I just love. Yeah, those are some of the highlights. I would say.

Cher: Yep. I love the ... I think was this the first queer romance that we’ve gotten from a Disney series? 

Lauren: I was going to say, yeah, for any of you have haven’t dipped into the MCU in a while, when I say a toxic queer romance I mean that very literally. They’re explicitly ex-lovers. They kiss. They were specifically in love. It is not being cute or coy. It is not the first time that we’ve seen queer characters in the MCU. But I think that this is, I’m trying to remember if this is the first queer kiss that we’ve had in the MCU ... 

Cher: Because I think it might be.

Lauren: I think it might be. 

Cher: And with the toxic witchy queer lesbian romance I was like ... leaps and bounds forward. And I just love the representation. Frankly.

Lauren: Yes. Agree. Well, and so what did you think about ... speaking of the toxic ... what did you think about the way that the show ended? Because it’s been kind of ... not controversial but I think I’ve seen mixed sentiment from viewers.

Cher: Yeah. I think maybe I wish there was a little bit more redemption from the Agatha side of things or just in general. But I think I was pretty ambivalent about it. I was like, okay, that’s how that ended. Maybe not predictable but when it ended the way it did, I’m trying hard not to spoil ... when it ended the way it did I very much-

Lauren: I think we are spoiling. We’re yeah, we can talk about whatever.

Cher: Essentially like let’s go get the other twin. I was like, yeah, that tracks. I thought it was expected maybe yeah a little predictable. But not any, yeah. What have folks not liked about the ending that you’ve been noticing and what are your thoughts about it as well?

Lauren: I think that this conversation around representation specifically in these large franchises I think is a really interesting one. I saw some people, and I don’t think this is a majority of people necessarily, I haven’t done any significant research into this but I did see some people being frustrated with the fact that ... yeah, major spoilers ... Agatha dies and that people I think we’re feeling like it was a bury your gays thing. And for those of you who are unfamiliar with that particular trope, bury your gays is sort of this toxic trend, not in the fun way, of narratives in TV and film where the queer couple is sort of torn apart because one or both of them die. And there have been some sort of meta, not studies necessarily but sort of looking at the number of characters who die in TV shows and queer women disproportionately die in terms of percentages. 

So, I understand ... I think this show is a really good example actually of like how these things are so important contextually. Because yes, killing queer women off is like a significant problem that TV and film have had for the last 70 years, right? Agatha was in love with literal Death. Her girlfriend was literally Death. And she also lived for hundreds of years in which she murdered a bunch of ladies to get their witch powers. And so for me her dying ... I agree, the ending ... I was ambivalent on parts of it and I think that parts of it were predictable. But I think in terms of like her and Rio (Death), Agatha and Rio kind of like having this final boss battle and then it ending with Agatha sort of sacrificing herself for William I think people sort of saw it as, oh my god another queer woman dying in service of a White man’s story. And it’s like, I think you’re missing the forest for the trees here.

I think that you are caught up in, yes, this thing is true and also that doesn’t mean that queer people can’t die in stories. I still think that’s something that can and should happen and I think for something, for the narrative that they were telling in this particular show, it made perfect sense to me that she died. And so I didn’t take issue with that particular thing nor did I expect them to necessarily ride off into the sunset together as lovers. That was clearly not the story that they were telling. And I really liked the queer story of it because I thought that it was like showing interesting toxic exes. And it’s like queer people also have toxic exes. (laughter)

So, I liked that part of it.

Cher: And we’ve talked about that in past episodes, right, of like such an important part of representation is just telling everyone’s story from all walks of life and all orientations and abilities and experiences and just telling an honest story and that being representation. So, sometimes the person who is queer dies if that’s where the story is going. You know what I mean? And I think the awareness of the fact that, yeah, bury your gays is a trope because it was and is something that consistently happens. We can be aware of that and also say in this case I didn’t see it that was as well. I agree.

And also I mean this is just MCU semantics things, but when you die in the MCU how often do you really die? I mean, it’s so rare that ... they have to be like, no, no, no seriously this one is dead. (laughs)

And Agatha immediately was back as a ghost who could touch and do things. And she died and death is death. How are you telling me that they can’t resolve their differences in the plains of being. You know?

Lauren: Totally! 

Cher: There’s no way. I feel like ... yeah, even in this case I was like, this doesn’t even feels like it applies because this movie doesn’t follow the rules of physics and logic and reason. 

Lauren: There used to be a saying in sort of the Marvel fandom that was like the only two characters that always stay dead are Uncle Ben and Bucky Barnes. And then in 2010 they were like, well, what if Bucky Barnes wasn’t dead anymore!? (laughter) 

Cher: We’re waiting on Uncle Ben to come back. 

Lauren: So, truly, yeah. This is not the end for Agatha Harkness I don’t think. In terms of the larger franchise stuff. I think one of the things that interesting about both of these series. The ways in which they fit into both their existing franchises and also ... sentiment around franchises at the moment. And so as somebody who does watch Marvel stuff ... I’m trying to think of the best way to phrase this question – how do you feel Agatha sort of fits into the larger Marvel franchise in terms of like ... I think that we can all agree that Marvel has had kind of a hard time in the last couple of years. And they have been branching out and trying new things but I think there’s a feeling that they haven’t quite clicked into their new tent poles yet and they haven’t gotten people quite as excited about stuff as they did in the past. Where are you in your sort of MCU journey at the moment now that you’ve seen this show? Has it changed at all? Has it not changed? 

Cher: I think yes and no. I think I’m kind of in the middle there because I think it definitely changed my POV of the MCU in the fact that I was, as we were talking about earlier, really excited to see this on screen queer romance, how it’s at the forefront and it’s not hinted at, it’s so blatant and with the leads of the show. I liked that a lot and I think that was key. The way that the show was formatted with each episode being around a different character and around a different challenge on the road. Felt a little meh – kind of done to me ... it was just ... as soon as I kind of saw the pattern that they were going with I was like okay I see where we’re going with this. I enjoyed it. It was a fun show. It was fun to watch.

I think Wanda Vision was a show where I was like, oh, this is the MCU really getting creative and testing things out. I noticed that they did a lot of things that they tried out with Wanda Vision they tried again or continued or iterated on for Agatha All Along. Which I enjoyed but also felt like again okay we’re just going to ... this is just the new thing that we do. Which I kind of felt the same about Deadpool Versus Wolverine. I was watching it ... the breaking of the fourth wall... and the winking at the joking about Disney and the kind of nods to fan fic and the winks at the camera. I very much saw it coming and I was like, oh ha, I know this is a joke. But it’s just, yeah, I think I agree that Marvel and the kind of MCU ... they’re in this time of change and trying to figure out ... I feel like they are a little lost and I can feel that. I like Agatha. She doesn’t feel like a tent pole character. And yeah.

So, that’s kind of where I am in the Marvel of things. And then on the DC side, I think DC tends to be kind of historically the opposite in terms of hit or miss. Marvel is usually like everything is ... this is the biggest opening, all of the Avengers, they tend to ... whereas DC it’s like, oh, this one is good! (laughter) I think with The Penguin especially this changed my view of DC and I was like, okay, this is getting into really prestige ... which always I feel like Batman, Gotham universe, has been that gritty prestige, the Dark Knights are some of the best super hero or kind of action adventure that genre of film. So, I’m not surprised that it continued like that, really successfully, in The Penguin. But I mean, I feel like The Penguin was easily Emmy quality. These are just career making performances. They’re just unbelievably high caliber, incredible prestige performances. 

Whereas Agatha was, oh, this is a fun cute show. And yeah. So, I kind of see DC surging ahead in terms of the quality of the series, which I think there are also a lot of characters in the DC universe that we have not met yet or have met but haven’t explored more. Whereas I feel like the MCU is kind of, oh my gosh, who else do we have that we can make something about?

Lauren: Totally. 

Cher: How about you? What have your thoughts been on these two shows on these universes? What’s your relationship with them and the kind of comics in general?

Lauren: Yeah. I mean, I think I very much share your sentiment. And I think that I fully was unwell about Captain America The Winter Soldier and sort of that whole phase of the MCU. And Marvel is a huge part of my life. Yeah, I wrote this Marvel show. That’s where I met my partner. He was working at Marvel at the time. And so we see everything. The only movies that we saw during the pandemic were the Marvel movies that came out. We went to the drive in an hour away and saw whatever Marvel movie was out at the drive inn. Because it was socially distanced and it was safe to be in our own car. 

Yeah, I’ve been a pretty dedicated MCU watcher and I think that I’ve seen pretty much every Marvel show with the exception of we didn’t finish Secret Invasion. And I think there’s a couple of other things that felt a little bit more like chores versus actually being excited about it. And I remember when Wanda Vision came out I was like, ooh, yeah, okay. This is funky fresh. This is trying something new. And I think I feel a little bit that way about Loki, too. The season two of Loki was genuinely a very good season of television. And it made me have feelings about Loki which I genuinely didn’t think was possible. (laughs) Because Loki is 2014 Tumblr catnip. Right? He was THE bad boy to end all bad boys. And listen, Tom Hiddleston, I get it. But I never quite was like crazy about Loki. He wasn’t my cup of tea. 

I enjoyed the Thor movies but I just ... and I enjoy Loki and Thor as sort of sibling/friendship, they’re a complicated dynamic and stuff. But I was not like having feelings about Loki. But the TV show, especially the second season, made me have feelings about Loki. But I think that it’s funny. I sort of want to look into The Penguin but I also sort of want to talk about the Tumblr sentiment for each of these shows, because I’m kind of curious what you saw. 

I think that the episode of Agatha All Along that was focused on Patty Lapone’s character, the sort of time slipping episode, I felt was a fantastic episode of television. I thought it was just inventive and interesting and really well performed. All of the performances throughout the show were fantastic. And the rest of the show I thought was like a fun romp. But it’s interesting because I got to the end of it and I was like, I should be losing my fucking mind over this show. It is everything I love. It’s witchy stuff, it’s queer stuff, it’s got a sort of almost video game feel to it, it’s got sort of toxic mentor/mentee relationships which is one of my favorites. And something I’ve really been wanting to see with an older woman and a younger man because so often it’s like the older gruff guy and the young spunky teenage girl, which I also adore. But I’ve been wanting to see the reverse. 

I liked the show. I really liked it. And then on the DC side, I have seen some of the Zack Snyder movies. I obviously watched all of the Christopher Nolan movies and I think we can all agree completely redefined comic book movies entirely. Christopher Nolan’s Batman and Iron Man obviously just completely changed the game for comic book movies. And then I think Zack Snyder tried to carry on that legacy with varying degrees of success. I think Matt Reeves is having a better go of it. I enjoyed The Batman. I thought it was quite long. But I enjoyed it. I thought it was a good movie. And I’ve heard amazing things about the Harley Quinn animated series, but like you I have not actually watched any of the animated stuff.

It’s funny, in the last five years I have probably read more DC comics than I’ve read Marvel comics because one of my best friends, Meghan Fitzmartin, writes for DC. And so I always read all of her comics. She is the reason that Tim Drake is bisexual. It’s amazing. And so yeah, I kind of went into The Penguin thing like ... we try to watch all the major franchise things. We’re going to watch the new Dune show, right? And I just lost my mind over it.

And I think that it’s because Lauren LaFranc, is that the showrunner’s name? I think she was making a TV show that happened to be taking place in the DC universe versus making a Marvel TV show. You know? And I think the interesting thing for me, and I’m curious what you’ve seen ... I think I’ve seen a lot more people going crazy over Agatha All Along on Tumblr and basically nobody talking about The Penguin. 

Cher: Exactly that. Yeah. And it feels like Agatha All Along was written for the fans. It was written with the fans in mind with fan fic in mind with ... even I was going to say like how much do we think that Tumblr as a platform influenced Agatha All Along as a series? I would say there’s definitely at least some influence in there at least from the size and impact of the MCU fandom on Tumblr. But yeah, people are going wild over Agatha All Along and The Penguin ... definitely some great gif sets of Cristin Milioti who plays Sofia. One of the most beautiful people in the world and just ...

Lauren: Unbelievably hot in this show! 

Cher: Wow, the feelings. Okay. Yeah. I don’t want to be like ... I would let you murder me but ...

Lauren: But maybe though? (laughter)

Cher: If I’m going to be murdered by a mob boss. If I’m in a situation where a mob boss is going to murder me I know who I would pick.

Lauren: 100%. So, I mean, okay. I watched Penguin week to week. You watched The Penguin all at once. What did you think? What was your big takeaway? Other than Cristin Milioti being incredibly hot?

Cher: I mean, other than me actively ... smoky eyeliner look that she ...

Lauren: All of the costumes ...

Cher: When she had her big jackets ... oh my god. Smoke show. But anyway ... other than that, which was obviously a major takeaway, but not my only takeaway ... I really enjoyed it. I again loved the mentor/mentee relationship. I really have been enjoying as a continuation of these universes, doing character based spin offs of villains or of anti heroes especially ... showing these complex characters and how they became who they became. And the fact that they’re not just purely evil. I also just think it’s so kind of sweet how Oz is both so hard and so soft. 

Lauren: YES.

Cher: As a human he is obviously this hardened criminal and murderer who is a villain. He’s a bad person. But he also kind of adopts this wayward kid and is like giving him advice, which I mean ended obviously not great, wasn’t stoked ... 

Lauren: I have so many things to say about that.

Cher: ... about that. But I literally was writing down ... the chosen family aspect in general of kind of the show and I don’t know, I feel like chosen family tends to align often with these anti hero type shows, these outskirts, shows about anyone on the outskirts of society in any way. And how you do end up with this chosen family. But I literally was writing down quotes from The Penguin. It’s an inspirational speech. He said, at one point, “How is anyone supposed to know your worth unless you tell them.” At another point he goes, “You can take up space.” And I was like, thank you! 

Lauren: Go off, Oz! Yes!

Cher: You’re so bright. You know what? Thank you. I will take up space! I’m getting inspirational advice from The Penguin right now. So, overall I very much enjoyed it significantly more than I enjoyed Agatha All Along. As you said, Agatha was a fun romp. It felt like fan fiction come to life.

Lauren: Totally.

Cher: Which I loved. And the acting was impeccable. Everyone did great. I think it was exactly what it was intended to be. 

Lauren: YES.

Cher: And it was very successful in doing that and it was great and I will watch it next season and Catherine Hawn is a legend. I think in terms of the quality of the show, the storytelling, The Penguin was just an impeccably done show. It felt almost like a limited series quality wise.

Lauren: I mean, it was basically. 

Cher: Will they be doing a second season? 

Lauren: I don’t think so.

Cher: It kind of felt like ... I was hoping ... Oh, so it was a limited series.

Lauren: I think it’s supposed to be a lead into the Batman II. 

Cher: Got it. That makes a lot of sense.

Lauren: I’m not positive on that, though.

Cher: What are your thoughts on the ending of The Penguin?

Lauren: Okay. Yeah ... first of all, plus one to everything you said. I think the thing that really struck me when all was said and done and sort of yeah using these two things as a comparison point, I think that using also what wasn’t working about some of the DC movies of the last ten years is that they sort of felt like playing it safe a little bit. I think that’s something that a lot of storytelling has done of the last ten years. And it’s like if you’ve ever picked up a comic you know that the weirdest shit goes on all the time. I was so amazed and intrigued by the way that The Penguin went there. 

I think in a way where I’m like Tumblr must know about this! Tumblr has to know that this is happening. You have Sofia Falcone / Sofia Gigante who is like truly just mass murdering people and I’m still like, “You go girl boss, you go.” 

Cher: Well, they started it. You know? 

Lauren: They started it! Also, I mean, I feel like so often Tumblr is talking about the ways in which women’s mental health is shown on TV and that kind of stuff. And it’s like Sofia is a woman who is basically gaslit and framed and called crazy and then has such severe PTSD from being institutionalized that she straight up just becomes a mass murderer. And so it’s like she is both the victim of sort of people putting female hysteria on her and also she is becoming a crazy murderer. The way that they showed all of that was so powerful. 

And then you have someone like Oz who is both very hard and very soft and like they went there in terms of, yes, he does have kind of a weird psycho sexual obsession with his mother. They said that with their full chest. And I have never seen that on TV before. I was astounded! 

The last scene!?

Cher: Him in the hospital with the tell me you’re proud of me. It was just ... Yes, I’m sad but I’m also so uncomfortable.

Lauren: So uncomfortable. Yeah, to just totally spoil for people who may not believe that I’m serious when I say that they fully made this explicit text. The whole show you think that he’s sort of this mama’s boy. He’s doing everything for his mom, it’s his one soft spot and stuff. And then there’s sort of this turn where you realize, oh, he won’t even sort of back down from his goals even to save her, right? 

And then at the very end he literally hires the sex worker that he has an ongoing customer sex worker relationship with to dress up as his mother and dance with him and tell him that she’s proud of him and then presumably to go and have sex with him while dressed as his mother. 

And it’s just like ... it’s SO CRAZY.

Cher: Lauren, do you want to know the wildest thing and I’m just sitting here thinking about my lack of attention to detail as you say this. I did not catch that it was the sex worker dressed up as his mother. I thought that he had his mother fake a stroke so that she would be safe and that that final scene was him with his mother.

Lauren: Oh my god. I mean, that would have been a wild twist too. But no, she’s fully catatonic at the end of it.

Cher: She’s ... wow. Yep.

Lauren: Yeah, no, that was Eve.

Cher: I don’t know which one would have been more messed up, frankly.

Lauren: I honestly don’t know either. (laughs)

Cher: Yeah.

Lauren: That shocked me about the ending and then of course Vic. I mean, if you listen to the show regularly you know that ... I think when I first started talking about the show I was like I am so scared for him. And I got fooled. I made a post that I’ll re-blog to the Dashboard Diaries Tumblr on my own Tumblr about this, about just this is how you do a villain story. Because of his inspirational speeches of like “take up space, don’t let anybody grind you under their boot,” basically. You forget. You start to forget that the first thing that you saw of this man was him killing someone in cold blood. You forget that he’s The Penguin. 

And you start to sort of root for him a little bit. In the way that you want to in anti hero or sort of villain stories. And then what he does to Vic is just sort of like, oh right, oh right – this guy is the Devil. He’s literally the Devil. I don’t know. What was your reaction? My jaw was literally ... my mouth was literally open. (laughs)

Cher: The whole time that he was choking him I was like, he’s not going to fully kill him though. He’s going to pass out.

Lauren: Right. Something is going to happen.

Cher: And then he’s going to bring him somewhere. He’s going to go bring him to where I presumably thought the mom was. You know? The secret place where everyone is still alive. But yeah, no, I was ... and then when he looked at Vic’s ID and just tossed it in the water. I was like ... if he had put it in his pocket as an I’m evil, but I’m going to keep-

Lauren: But I have some sentiment.

Cher: ... and he just tosses ... 

Lauren: I saw a Tumblr post where someone was like having him toss it into the same water that took Vic’s family. And I was like ... 

EXACTLY.

Cher: Oh my god.

Lauren: I did that exact face when I saw that Tumblr post.

Cher: Wow. I mean, incredibly done show. Very honestly told story. Which is why it was so good. 

Lauren: Yes.

Cher: The Penguin is not a good character. That would not track for him to have the soft spot for any ... any soft spot as we have learned is something that can be exploited. 

Lauren: But god, that ... the kid who played Vic. I’m forgetting now the actor’s name. But I cannot wait to see him in something. He was so good. Like you said, the career making performances – this feels like ... he’s been in other stuff but this feels like it’s going to be his real break. I’m really excited to see what he does next because I think he’s really talented.

Cher: It was very well done. I enjoyed both shows for very different reasons. I watched The Penguin first and then Agatha All Along and I’m glad I did it that way. 

Lauren: Yeah, Agatha All Along is a good palate cleanser I feel like.

Cher: Exactly. Speaking of palate cleansers ... should we dive into our archives?

[guitar riff]

Lauren: Let’s do it!

Cher: See what we have going on this time however many years ago. What were you posting about, Lauren?

Lauren: I went back to 2016 because obviously November 2016 ... this month has been very reminiscent. Yeah. Of that. And just speaking of reminiscing things, the second one I put in here, one of them is just a screen shot of two tweets. The first one says, “To the tune of Eleanor Rigby” and I’m going to sing this for you to the tune of Eleanor Rigby, “dog in a trench coat, getting promoted at work but then sheds his disguise. Canine surprise.” And then somebody responds with, “Boss of the office, looks at the dog and then nods when he sees what he did. He has three kids.” (laughter)

And it’s just like ...

Cher: Incredible.

Lauren: This is, to me-

Cher: Nonsense.

Lauren: Yeah. Utter beautiful nonsense. And I think a perfect encapsulation of when Twitter was good. And obviously Tumblr, my one and only, my true love, but like I think one of the things I love about Tumblr is that it has had a very sort of consistent experience for the 15 years that I’ve been on it. Right? And I’ve weathered these storms with it and gone through different phases with it and whatever but like I’ve always been there and I’ve sort of had a very ... it’s home, right? 

But sometimes you want to go to like your friend’s part where you don’t know a lot of people but you have a good time. You know?

Cher: Yeah.

Lauren: That’s what Twitter was for a while. And obviously it has not been that for many years now. And this week I got back into Blue Sky after starting an account a year ago and then never looking at it again. And it’s got a little bit of that juice. It’s got a little bit of the ... it’s a party at your friend’s house where you don’t know a lot of people but the vibes are good. And so just sharing this from my archive felt like hopefully a good portent of things to come. 

The other one that I shared is a post that I literally did not remember at all but just because this is the corn podcast-

Cher: We love corn.

Lauren: It is a post from @neutraldankhotel which is a fucking great blog name that says, “You, it’s a hundred years of corn in two hours. I’m the corn king. I cannot be out corned. Me, eats 101 ears of corn in ten minutes. Just another day in the cornfields. “ And then @teninchflacid, another good name, responds with, “What?” @neutraldankhotel says, “I don’t know, I woke up at 6AM, wrote this and then went back to sleep.” And then @teninchflacid responds, “I hope you’re okay.” And I just thought that was a good corn post to share.

Cher: That is an absolutely fantastic corn post. I love it. It’s going into the corb archives. 

Lauren: Good. Good.

Cher: I will definitely be re-blogging this. This is very good. I’m glad that the rest of the internet is also ... I mean, yes, the rest of the internet is also weird, the rest of the internet is also in on this, the corn. They’re on the corn cob for lack of a better ... I feel like the more that I talk about corn the more that I see ... I EAR about corn ... anyway ... 

Lauren: I like it.

Cher: There was something in there I think. Yeah.

Lauren: You got there. 

Cher: Anyway , that was a great corn post. 

Lauren: So, what about you? What do you have from the archives?

Cher: I have a post from ten years ago. I re-blogged it in November 2014, I feel like it lines very well with what we just talked about on this episode.

Lauren: It does. 

Cher: It’s from @elfombro and it’s one of those my e-cards that were so popular, those memes that were so popular in the early often 2010s where it’s like a person in very retro 1950s grab next to a quote of some kind that is often a little lewd a little sassy. And this one is a woman holding a red rose and it says, “Sorry I missed church. I was busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian.” Which ...

Lauren: So good.

Cher: It’s just an Agatha All Along post.

Lauren: Absolutely!

Cher: Thankfully ... frankly ... gee. Just an Agatha All Along post frankly. 

Lauren: Absolutely. We got there. 

Cher: I saw this and I was actually shocked at how perfectly it aligns with what we’re talking about.

Lauren: It’s kind of crazy. That’s so good.

Cher: And before we log off for the day, for the month, what has you in your feels at the moment, Lauren?

[gentle music]

Lauren: So, I mentioned it up top and I promise I will keep this short. Dr. Odyssey on ABC. I am a 911 enjoyer and have been watching Dr. Odyssey sort of after 911. And now I’m thinking did I say this last time in my Feels Corner? I may have. But I’m just re-upping my Dr. Odyssey fandom.

Cher: You’re still feeling the ...

Lauren: It is an explicably bizarre show. It’s three doctors on a cruise ship dealing with classic procedural stuff. But they have such extreme throuple energy these three. And if I can spoil just a little bit of Dr. Odyssey it only has seven episodes. In episode six they fully have a threesome. (laughs) This is network television. 

Cher: Incredible.

Lauren: And it’s just an incredibly dumb show in all of the best ways. Everybody is committed to the bit. And it’s bringing me a lot of joy right now. What about you? What’s got you in your feels?

Cher: Well, first off, I am adding Dr. Odyssey to the queue. That sounds incredible. And what has me in my feels right now is Shrinking. Do you watch Shrinking?

Lauren: Yes! I do! 

Cher: I love the show for those of you who are listening who don’t watch or haven’t heard of it. Shrinking is a show on Apple TV. It is starring Jason Segel and Harrison Ford, Jessica Williams, great cast, about a small therapy practice in LA and these therapists, they’re a bit unorthodox in the way that they approach therapy and their patients. But yeah, it’s just a very sweet, wholesome sitcom and you feel like definitely some tender tear jerker moments. I would say it’s a dramedy series more than a sitcom.

Lauren: Yeah.

Cher: And yeah, season two is about halfway through right now. I have been really enjoying the show and I think especially it’s important to portray therapy just in general in pop culture in this light. I hope that viewers have decided perhaps that they might go to therapy as a result of watching this show. I’ve been enjoying it. But there was something that happened in the last couple of episodes that I wasn’t a huge fan of, especially because it’s a show about therapy and I’m interested to hear your thoughts on it. It’s actually a little bit of a controversial issue, so we can always cut this if we’re not feeling it, but there is a couple in the show who ... they got married in the last season and-

Lauren: I am completely with you on this. Keep going, but I’m completely with you.

Cher: Okay. I’m so glad you know where I’m going with this and then feel the same. Because I saw this and I was like this feels so unaligned with the rest of the show. So, essentially what happens is there’s this couple and they are not aligned on their views of if they want to have children or not. One of the people in the relationship wants to have a child but the other does not. This was something that was established before they got married and the person who does want kids says I know that my partner / my husband doesn’t want kids so I’d rather be with him. And they both agreed on this. And in this season the topic comes up because one of their friends adopts a kid and so their friend suggests – I can connect you with my adoption agency and the partner who wants to have a child brings it up and essentially pressures his partner into ... and springs this meeting with an adoption on his partner. And all of the friends, when the partner who doesn’t want kids goes and asks for advice say, you know ... they essentially dismiss his reservations and just say, no, no, I think there’s a line that says, “when one person in a relationship wants a kid and the other doesn’t the one who wants a kid always wins.” Or something like that. 

And I just, I was kind of flabbergasted by the way that this was portrayed and just... I don’t know. Yeah. It kind of ... I did not like this ... and I’m not enjoying this plot line. I think it’s not kind of not okay.

Lauren: I am 1000% with you. I thought this was really bizarre for this show. And the season is not over yet, right? So, it’s like I’ve sort of been like I’m just going to trust and assume the best and I’m going to see where this goes. Right? But yeah, I really didn’t like the way that the friends responded. Because it’s like the only people who should be having kids are either individual people or couples or throuples or whoever – whatever set of people who all really want children. Being a parent isn’t something that you can just like ... it shouldn’t be something that you just do. 

Right? And yeah, I was very, very bothered by that. And also it’s like if you want a child and you’re getting married and you have the expectation in the back of your mind that your partner is going to change their mind, that’s a shitty thing to do to your partner. Same thing if you don’t want kids and you’re expecting your partner to just be okay and eventually change their mind and not want kids either. That’s also a shitty thing to do. 

Cher: 100%. 

Lauren: You need to be incredibly honest about. Yeah, I’m completely ... I thought this was a really weird misstep for the show. 

Cher: I couldn’t agree more. And as you said, the season is not over. I am hoping that it goes in a different direction and surprises us. It does kind of feel like the direction their going is person who doesn’t want a kid falls in love with child and is amazed at the fact that he wanted a kid all along. And yeah, it just kind of bums me out because I’m like, oh, I’ve seen this in every other ... I feel like a consistent narrative that we see in entertainment is someone who doesn’t want children will either change their mind or be sad and alone and lonely.

Lauren: Yeah.

Cher: It feels like there’s no in-between where it’s like, yeah, maybe this isn’t right for me and we can be a couple who doesn’t ... I very much think having a child is first off something that you unequivocally need to be on the same page about with your partner. And cannot go into with anything but 100% commitment, because it is a lifelong 100% committeemen. And kids know when they’re not wanted or when they’re raised in an environment like that. And I just don’t ... yeah.

Especially when it’s a show about therapists. That shocked me, too. These are therapists saying, you know, it will work out. You want a kid instead of validating his emotions and discuss it ...

Lauren: YES.

Cher: Yeah ... 

Lauren: I’m very curious to see where it goes.

Cher: Even boil it down to he’s having a conversation in a scene and someone is talking about the way that the character that doesn’t want kids talks. And they’re like, “Oh yeah, he always talks about himself, does this look good on me or would a kid look good on me.” I feel like it’s boiling it down to, oh, just doesn’t jive with my vibe instead of this is a major life choice that ... they just are making his change of mind seem very simple. Anyway, I feel like I’m going in circles here, but yeah, it did definitely frustrate me and I’m glad that you also picked up on it and weren’t happy about it. Hopefully that was kind of a common POV.

Lauren: Yeah. And hopefully ... Harrison Ford’s character was not there in that particular conversation. So, I’m kind of curious to see, maybe at a certain point the next time they have this conversation he’ll be there and he’ll be like, “What the fuck are you guys talking about? He should not have a kid if he doesn’t not want to have a kid.” (laughs) Because Harrison Ford’s relationship with his daughter is very complicated in the show. And so like ... that’s my hope is that something is going to come of this that is interesting.

Cher: 100%. And same with ... Jessica Williams’ character has a challenging relationship with her mom. And they’re also showing that. So, it’s really interesting how they’re showing these challenging parental relationships and also on the other hand kind of seemingly forcing this parental relationship. Yeah, hopefully it goes in a different direction. 

Lauren: Yeah.

Cher: There’s still a few more episodes left. 

Lauren: Yeah, we’ll just have to wait and see.

Cher: Yeah. And with that ...

I’m Cher McAnelly and you can find me at OverChers.Tumblr.com. 

Lauren: And I’m Lauren Shippen, and you can find me at TheLaurenShippen.Tumblr.com.

Cher: This has been Dashboard Diaries. And ... 

[outtro music]

Lauren: May your anons always be loving.

Cher: Your dash always refreshed.

Lauren: Your gifs always be loading.

Cher: And your ships always canon.

Lauren: May the fics you’re reading always be finished.

Cher: And the answers you seek always in the re-blogs.Lauren: Thanks for scrolling with us!

Cher and Lauren talk franchise spin-off shows "The Penguin" and "Agatha All Along" - how successful are these TV explorations of large film universes? Also, more corn posting, Doctor Odyssey, and how fanfiction has affected Lauren's writing.

Credits and transcript in our reblog. You can find transcripts for this, and every other episode, here.

Find the posts discussed in this episode in this tag!

[arckhaic]

my guy may I ask for your advice. I want to stay up and drown myself in words tonight but I have to go to school tomorrow and copy flat, boring tales off the page. I am trying to cultivate a better work ethic but I get stuck in the always-new world of social media. lend me your words please, for I always seem to understand them (don't have to answer if you don't want to)

my friend, my advice would be to stop using social media. 

there is nothing new happening on social media. never. nothing ever happens on here, we just think there is. there is no news, the world won’t end if you log off. i recommend at least three days — a week or two if you can, a month if you want. i say three days because that’s when you start really feeling like you can do without, the first two days are just teaching yourself to do something else. 

i did that this last week and let me tell you, i feel so much better. there are plenty of things you can read about the negative effects of social media, how it makes you feel lonelier, how it isolates you, how the bombardment of negativity does more to you than you realize. ( each homegrown, tumblr’s hate is different than twitter’s hate but in the end — it’s all hate. it’s all sadness. it’s all just things you really can do without. ) 

you don’t have to be stuck. i removed all my bookmarks, i uninstalled all the apps. with every impulse i had to get online ( which only happened when i didn’t have a creative stimulus. ) i would grab my journal and just write. some pages i just wrote bad words over and over again, other pages i just scribbled so hard i ripped it, sometimes i just would fill the page with i don’t know in huge looping letters. 

fill the void with something else. if you get the urge to get online, go outside. immediately find your pet and talk to them. open up a book and read one page. get out your book, write a poem even if it’s just copying one down. you would be surprised how much time you have to work when you’re not on social media. 

if you use your phone as a distraction from the hell you’re in, turn it on airplane mode. download a solitaire app. open up notes and scream type into it. i did this, i had a really hard with disengaging with social media because i used it as a crutch for distracting either anxiety or depressive thoughts. and that first day, i was just in hell. and then the week went on & i wasn’t reading about how the world was ending and life is horrible — i felt better. 

turns out, it was just making me more anxious & depressed. go figure. 

the hell will pass. everything is temporary. 

& with those flat boring tales, turn the pager over and write out the words you have. in math class, i would just write poetry. i would draw so much on my paper that when teachers said do not draw on this, they were specifically talking to me. ( and i ignored them. any class was art class if i wanted it to be. ) if a class isn’t engaging you, engage yourself. ( i mean … i was also an awful student. so take everything i say with a grain of salt. ) 

or, learn how to love those boring words. if it’s from your textbook, think of it as research for a story. what kind of story would you write with this information? what kind of person would really get into this? how could you write a poem with this? ( get out a different colored pen and find a poem, underline the words. your teacher will just think you’re taking notes — not creating art. ) 

collect the words, learn them, know them, understand them. they’re power, my friend, and you should learn how to use them and they can’t ever be used against you. we’re writers, we need to learn how our power works before we can wield it. 

[frostironfudge]

I Think I Met You In My Dreams Once - Bucky Barnes - Fourteen

Summary: After receiving an honourable discharge from his military service that was caused by the loss of his arm, James Barnes begins to come to terms with several things. He also finds solace in youtube videos, memes and on social media, where he happens to find you.

Pairing: Ex-Military!Bucky Barnes x Fem! Plus Size!Reader (Modern AU)

Chapter Warnings: angst, swearing, hurt/comfort, smut (not as graphic), longing

Word Count: 6.5k || Dividers: @firefly-graphics

Fic Masterlist || Main Masterlist || AO3 || Fic Playlist

Chapter Thirteen || Epilogue

Quick A.N: i mention a song in one section, highly recommend hearing it while reading that section.

“Bucky, have you told her yet?” Winnie’s voice pulls him back into reality. Always spacing out when the question was pondered upon. 

Steve and Sam had been on his case, arguing that he should stay back, opt for an online appearance. 

He, himself on the other hand, did not want to leave. However the legal counsel advised for an in-person appearance. 

It had been five days, Peter was home and acclimating back into New York City. He kept sending Bucky messages and pictures with Morgan. 

Bucky was on schedule four days a week for New York work time and the remaining three were spent with you on the local timezone. Something he was addicted to, something he didn’t think he could give up. Something he didn’t want to let go of just for a brief time he would come back again, Christmas was around the corner. 

“I don’t know, Ma. I need to decide what I want to do before I tell her the options.” He sighs, running his hand through his hair. 

“You need to tell her young man, when do you have to be on the flight? If you chose that.” She raises a brow and Alpine meows, then jumps into her lap. 

Bucky coos at her, Alpine looks at him. Then turns away still pissed off. 

“Oh come on now, Al.” He huffs, “I’m sorry.” That only prompts the feline to clamber up his mother’s arm and rest on her shoulder.

She stares at him as she snuggles into Winnie. 

“Oh you know what you’re doing don’t you?” He narrows his eyes, Alpine was intuitive knowing this is how she always cuddled up with him. 

Winnie chuckles, “She misses you. Yesterday she wouldn’t leave your room. Placed her bowls in there only then did she eat.” 

“I miss her too, I just, now that I know what it is to have her? I don’t want to leave in five days as opposed to the five weeks I originally planned. The whole four day work week is working out but I know me not being there impacts my team and me now being here impacts my personal life.” He admits, “But I don’t want to disappoint on the work end, this case we need to put them behind bars, even if Beck gets to walk almost scot free. I, I can’t allow that not after the way he threatened my doll.” Bucky’s fist clenches, mouth setting into a grimace.

Winnies gaze softens, “I know it is difficult even entertaining the thought. I, I see how the light and life in back in your eyes, as if Y/N helped you reignite the spark. I’m grateful for her to chose to be in your life Bucky. I truly am and watching the two of you fall in love? Watching her accept you? I don’t have words for the joy I feel seeing my son truly happy again. I know you will figure it out and she is protected by the law as well.” 

Bucky’s eyes tear up, he blinks trying not to cry at her words. He knows how much of a shell he had become, then how he started feeling as himself but it was never fully him. Never fully the man he was, you came along then, pushing him to work on himself. To be better for himself, before he could be better for you.

“I know one thing, whatever you chose to do, she is going to support you. You both have had the long distance thing figure out. I know three weeks of being together and then reverting will be difficult but I know you both can do it.” Winnie gives him a small smile.

Bucky looks to the polaroid of the two of you he placed in a frame on his desk, attempting to make the hotel room a little homely. he sighs, eyes shifting back to his mother.

“What if I don’t want to though?” He murmurs.

“Talk to her.” Winnie offers yet again. Bucky nods, his email notification lights up, “I have to get back to this thing from work, thank you.” 

“You don’t have to thank me, my dear. It is what mums do, now get to work so you can then speak to her.” Winnie gives him a smile and makes Alpine wave at Bucky which draws a laugh from both as she looks at him with minor anger.

The call ends and before he gets back to work he texts on his group chat with Steve and Sam.

Bucky: i still have no idea what to do.

Steve: I think you should come back

Sam: I agree, honestly

Bucky’s brows furrow, what the fuck?

Bucky: what changed your very eager opinions in an hour?

Steve: well we thought about it and well… this is a whole ass legal thing

Sam: yeah what if you don’t come back for this case and then you’re forced to come back?

Steve: it’s better to make the choice now rather than be forced ya know?

Bucky: fuck man

Sam: look as much as we love you being there and not being Mr. Grumpy, we’re thinking long term consequences.

Steve: did you want to stay Buck? Because look they wouldn’t say come down here if it could be handled with you from there. 

Bucky: i do want to stay here… i don’t think i can do long distance anymore, not after, not after knowing how it is to be with her, to come back home to her, to hold her hand, to have her warmth, to hear her laugh without it being cut off because of shitty wifi, to have my clothes not fade of her scent so easily

Steve: he’s in love

Sam: so that paragraph makes you think he’s in love but not all the other stuff? Steve my man…i have concerns 

Bucky: there is a reason he doesn’t do well on observational games, lol, remember that time in high school when his crush was dropping the most obvious hints of reciprocal feelings?

Sam:😂😂😂😂 and our man here just furrowed his brows in confusion and realised it after years and years that ‘oh shit that was a crush liking him back’

Bucky: 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Steve: 🖕🖕🖕🖕to the both of you.

Bucky chuckles tucking his phone back, they aren’t wrong, in thinking long term. He would tell you today, it was his last work day for this week so he could speak to you with ease.

Bucky could also spend the remaining days without interruption with you. 

The university day was droning on until your cohort of students were ushered into the auditorium. A few teachers and the Dean stood on the stage near the podium a projector screen set up. 

The lights are shut off, and the presentation begins, you and Nat exchange a wary glance at the tense environment before turning to pay attention.

“So essentially we want to pick out 50% of you to try remote learning.” The dean finishes the presentation. The lights switch on and a murmur breaks out across the class. 

“For how long will this be?” Natasha enquires above the volume, you both were in the third row so it was easier to be heard even with yelling. 

“For about three months.” The answer is given by the ethics professor who looks bored beyond compare. 

“What of the grades?” You murmur, “If those slip they aren’t going to care are they?” 

Nat shakes her head, “What about our academic performances?” 

The Dean sighs, “The board has decided that if your academics dwindle then you will be allowed three extra credit assignments to cover up your loss, if you however tank those we will not help you beyond that, we will however take into consideration past performance and could have the grade calculated.”

Another sound waves of panicked murmurs swirl across the classroom. 

“We give you until tomorrow to give us an answer. If we get the half batch willingly recruited good otherwise we’ll have to draw names from a hat.” The professor announces.  

You shake your head, looking over at Nat. 

“Are you considering it?” She raises a brow, you shrug. 

It would give you more time with Bucky. Also, you could stay to help your mum through the entire separation, meet her a little more often. The day could be more productive in matters of a more personal nature. 

Their divorce was declared the day your father returned from his trip three days after the arrests.  Natasha’s mom’s lawyer was recruited and to prevent public fall out they have decided to do an out of court settlement of assets and then sign the papers in court. 

“Are you?” She looks at you, as though peering into your soul. 

You blink several times, the intensity of her gaze makes you want to look away but also you hold her gaze. Her hand shoots up, your brain catches up to your best friend’s, your braincells finally in sync. 

“Nat.” You try to pull her hand down realising she’s making an impromptu decision, now she raises both of your hands up with a grin.

“We’d like to sign up.” She announces. 

“Wonderful, Natasha Romanoff and Y/N Y/L/N.” The professor notes it down in her book. 

You glare at Natasha, she gives an innocent look.  

“You and I both know you need this online thing more than anyone.” Her green eyes soften. 

“It would help plus its only four hours a day… I mean with their separation and me choosing to move out instead of picking sides… and Bucky did say he was going to stay back for another three weeks or so…” 

“See it’s a win win.” She grins, you shake your head. 

“You just will get to nap more.” You chuckle. 

“That is the ideal life. All I want is multiple naps while work occurs and I know I can be optimal with 17 hour sleep days.” She raises a finger as if to block out the incoming sarcastic quip from you. 

“You’re a sloth.” You giggle, “You aren’t a spider you’re a sloth.” 

She huffs then wraps her arms around you clinging onto you, “Sloth Natasha on Y/N.” She giggles too and you join her. 

“So when’s the out of court settlement meeting?” She enquires, your lips press into a thin line,

“Three days later.” You say grimly, this was inevitable but part of you hoped your father would have picked your mother and you over his mistress.

“Have you told Bucky? I’m sure he’d attend with you.” She sighs as you shake your head. 

“I’m not going either… mum and dad can get ugly and I have enough of their marriage trauma than to attend their divorce.” A shiver clambers up your spine at the thought. 

“True, know what, I’m going to meet up with a few friends so Bucky and you can have the place to yourselves.” She offers, you narrow your eyes. 

“Why—,”

She just gives you a pointed look and then your skin begins to heat. 

“That is why.” You say understanding. 

“Yes my little innocent flower.” She teases, offering her hand as you both make your way to the parking area. 

You pause spying a familiar car, Nat follows your gaze her mouth set into a scowl.

“What does he want?” She mutters, you shrug. Walking towards the car as he steps out. 

Natasha stands across, pretending to type away on her phone but actually recording. 

Your father leans against the door, taking out his pack of cigarettes. Removing one, 

“You cannot smoke on university premises.” You say to him, he huffs. 

“Sir you cannot smoke here.” The security guard approaches,

“Is it lit?” You father questions, the security guard shakes his head

“You cannot carry these substances on premises. It is fined.” The guard explains your dad sets the pack away, the guard leaves. 

“What brings you here?” You cross your arms, looking at him. 

“Just wanted to ask you for a favour.” He shrugs, looking to the side then back at you, “I want you to warn your mother. She may take her properties but I’ll drive the tenants out, no source of income.” 

“Why don’t you reserve these things for the meeting?” You raise a brow, someone shifts in the car. You scoff. 

“Have you no respext left for me that you bring her here?” You look back at him. 

“Respect? Sweetheart your little picking sides and not choosing your dad shows your disrespect, allowing your excuse of a man, boyfriend to hit your own father is disrespect.” He seethes. 

“I haven’t picked sides. You forced this, with every goddamn hit, every goddamn verbal insult you drew a wedge between our family. I look at you and all i see is the turmoil, the pain. I look at you and all i remember is the drives, the secret ice creams. You did this, not mom, not me.” You jab a finger to his chest. 

“You ungrateful—, you aren’t getting a penny apart from the next semester fees.” He declares. 

You scoff, “Alright, I’d like my various competition prize money accumulated over the years deposited into my new account. I’ll email you the details. I think last we spoke that fixed deposit was now 200k?” 

You unlock  your phone and send him the details. His phone chimes causing his anger to flare. 

“You’re as money hungry—,” he begins,

“As your whore?” You counter with a smile. 

His hand raises and he steps towards you and then pauses, setting his hand down, forming a fist. You stare up at him defiantly not backing down. 

“Have you still not learned? Maybe you won’t. I feel sorry for you that you’ve lost your family, in-fact I feel sorry for us, I feel sorry for the ten year old little girl whose life changed for the worst when you showed her how horrible a marriage can be. You don’t need to give me the money, I do not care for it, I’ll work hard to make my own. You’re the one who has to live with the consequences of his actions.” You turn away not wanting to say more.

Natasha unlocks the car, the drive to Bucky’s hotel is silent. She sent the video to her mother. 

You take deep breaths while walking up the lobby steps. 

When Bucky opens his door, the dam you built breaks. You lose all resolve and just wrap him in your arms and hideaway in his presence. 

Bucky guides you inside, you both sink on the couch as you blubber out everything that happened. 

His arms tighten around you, his pending decision over what would he do to your father is being set into place. 

Bucky’s lips don’t leave your skin;

offering his assurance against your shoulders,

offering his love along the column of your neck. 

offering himself as he pulls you closer. 

You hold each other close, as your clothes fall to the floor. 

Skin to skin, chest to chest. 

His lips offer a safe haven, mirth, even blissful ruin in the best way as they swallow your sounds and etch his own need onto your own. 

The two of you take each other apart, then piece each other back together.

A world between the two of you, as you both curl up together basking in the warm afterglow. Bucky traces over your skin softly, you do the same for the freckles over his chest. 

Bucky swallows as his throat tries to form the words about the upcoming goodbye. 

Your breath fans across his sternum, the way his body stiffens you know something is on his mind. 

“What, what is on your mind?” You look up at him. Blue eyes widen and then he winces not knowing how to say the words. Your eyes close, shoulders sagging. 

“When do you have to leave?” You look back at him cupping his face. 

“H-how?” He murmurs, baffled. 

“I had an inkling that the case may require an in person appearance from you.” You sigh, but kiss his cheek.

“I don’t want to go in five days.” He admits, closing his eyes, pain taking over his features. 

“I don’t want you to go either, but you need to…”

“Doll…, I’m sorry to put this on you, with everything.” His lips find your forehead.

“We can do it, we can, we did it once and well, we can again.” You assure, internally your heart feels like breaking.

“Look, the trial will take ten days. I need another few to just catch up with things there and Christmas hits so I’ll be back.” Bucky assures, grasping your hand like a lifeline, hoping praying this doesn’t lead to something heartbreaking. 

“I know, it’s just two weeks away from you.” You nod, grasping his hand with both of yours, “Bucky I love you, I love you across distances of oceans, I love you when you’re right next to me and even ten minutes away.” 

Bucky’s eyes dampen, he says nothing choosing to place a searing kiss to your lips, drowning away the ticking clock. Only letting you be the beacon of light for him. 

His hold on you is tight, as if he doesn’t want to let go. Your grip keeps him close, not wanting to let him leave.

Day One.

You look at the email from university about the orientation on Monday, tucking it away when Bucky walks in holding bags from the quaint coffee shop. Boxes litter the living room. 

Packing up twenty seven years of your mother’s marriage and the memories you held in this house. 

“I thought strawberry tarts should uplift the mood.” Bucky takes out a box and hands it to your mother who smiles at him.

“My favourites.” She smiles and tucks into the treat. 

Bucky gazes at you, you look away, not sure how to tell him about shifting the plans to online. You bite your tongue.

“I’m going to do a final sweep of my room.” You announce, moving away.

Bucky lets out a sigh, things had not changed between the two of you. Though he could sense the sadness beginning to linger and latch onto the two of you and weaselling its way between the spaces where you held each other.

Bucky: I told her, it is fucking hard, she knew before I could even get to the topic.

Sam: I’m sorry, I hope you can get back to her soon

Steve: I do too. She loves you Buck, of course she can pick up on what you want to say wordlessly.

Bucky signs, smiling then for the sake of your mother. You both had told her but not your father. Bucky had insisted, deeply insisted not to let him know, he didn’t trust that man. He watches the door of your room as he guides the movers to start loading the boxes into the elevator

Your phone chimes again, your bank account balance multiplied. The transfer from your father. Your brows furrow, he sends a message as well.

Dad: this is what i have decided to give to you, it includes all those prize money winnings from your science projects and other ventures.

You: thank you.

Dad: use this money for yourself, not for other bullshit things, or for your mother.

You sigh, one minute it feels as though he may improve, the next he’s back to whatever category of monster he is awarded.

Dad: I’m sorry.

<this message is deleted>

Dad: I’m sorry about everything I caused you to witness. I was not exactly father of the year for many years, I can see why you chose someone as James to be your partner. What he did that night was right, though disrespectful. I’m proud of you.

You screenshot before it gets deleted, which it does. Tucking away your phone Bucky knocks on the door. You open it and he looks solemn as his gaze moves around the empty room.

Dad: your mother, inform her that she should leave the keys with the security.

“I haven’t been here long but I miss it.” He steps by your side, hand intertwining with yours, your head rests on his shoulder. 

“I’m glad we made memories here.” You smile, Bucky’s cheeks tinge pink.

“Oh we made a lot of them here.” He chuckles, admiring where the desk was, where you both made a blanket fort and stayed snuggled up.

You take a final glance, Bucky’s hand in yours as you all leave the apartment once and for all.

The remainder of the day the two of you set up your mom’s apartment, the one on her name without an active tenant. You share take out, set up her necessities, Bucky makes sure to have her wifi be top notch and calls in a friend he made at the wifi company he liked here.

Bucky drops you off to Nat’s, his hands and lips linger as do yours, one more touch, one more kiss, one more inhale, one more exhale. 

Day Two.

Bucky runs a tired hand over his face, New York had an emergency for the code, apparently the app launch was crashing horribly. He looks at you surrounded by the books from the bookstore date he took you on earlier, grinning happily and even freaking out over him finding the annotation tabs you wanted. Bucky loved being peppered by the kisses from you.

The emergency was eating into the major portion of your day together. You didn’t complain but gave him space to do his thing peacefully. Being here near him was enough.

You’re catching up on the memes in the group chat with Nat, Bucky, Sam and Steve. When you’re notified for another text thread.

Steve: How are you holding up?

Me: I'm okayish…

Nat: objection, a lie is being spoken

Me: alrighty, I’m mis-fucking-erable.

Sam: man, i really wish i could do something to help you guys out

Steve: same, just wish there was something we could do

Me: do you have a hyper-realistic face mask of bucky and a wig of his hair? 

Sam: you want us to do illegal shit

Steve: how will we replicate his deep baritone?

Nat: Say you have a cough?

Sam: Nat.

Steve: I could deck, Beck on his behalf?

Sam: same

Steve: i just wish you could come along with him some way

Your eyes widen, you can, you can do that, you sit up, grabbing your own laptop eagerly but not eager enough that Bucky tries to ask you.

You pull up the chat with your mother.

You: mom, mom, MOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM!

You: MOTHER THIS IS URGENT, PICK UP YOUR TELEPHONIC DEVICE.

Mom: what????????? Are u okay? Did something happen?

You: yes i’m fine, did, did my passport ever come in last week? With the visa?

Mom: Wait, oh god, I forgot to tell you! With all of the events! You did, baby you can travel to the USA.

You hold the squeal back, going back to the group chat.

You: Can you send me Bucky’s ticket?

Sam: you don’t have it? 

You: he didn’t give it to me…

Steve: <attached James Barnes E-ticket.pdf>

Steve: What happened?

Nat: Oh my god. Y/N, are you serious?!

Sam: Can someone explain?

Steve: yes please explain

You move to your laptop, opening the tab and finding the flight, its on the pricier side but there is a seat, its right next to Bucky’s 21A, you take it frantically typing in your details and card information. You book a refundable ticket as well for your return to not have issues at immigration.

You send the pdf of your ticket to your Mom, and the group chat careful to not let Bucky receive it.

You: do not utter a word to him. I’m going to surprise him on the plane.

Sam: I am sworn to secrecy only if you defeat him in UNO in front of my beautiful eyes as witness.

Steve: Oh my god, we’re finally going to meet!

Nat: <inserts happy tears gif>

You: I will Sam, I will. I’m excited to meet you too Steve!

Steve: This is going to be amazing, please record his reaction if possible.

You: I’ll try, why do i feel like crying?

Sam: cause you’re full of happiness

Steve: I fuckin love you for doing this for Bucky.

You: I love you too Steve

Nat: YOU NEED TO STEALTH PACK.

“Doll?” Bucky inquires, you shut the laptop lid and throw your phone to the side.

“Y-yeah?” You look up at his worried gaze.

“What?” His gaze shifts to the devices.

“Nat sent some x rated gif.” You panic blurt, internally groan.

“Oh, um, okay, I um, I’m done, you want to have food now?” He scratches the back of his neck.

“Yeah, sure, then after I can show you what was the gif about…” You trail off his eyes, move to your lips, then your eyes, his gaze darkening with lust.

“Oh yeah, it did involve my mouth and your–,” Your comment is cut off, Bucky kneels on the bed, leaning over you, cutting you off with a very, very greedy kiss.

Night Three.

Nat had kept you out with an impromptu shopping trip to distract you from the ongoing divorce meeting of your parents. You sighed, as you entered the quiet house, placing the bags in the living room.

“Oh shoot, I have to meet Yelena and Co. at the Prix Club.” Nat shakes her head, then has an apology in her eyes. 

“It’s okay, Bucky asked me anyways to text him when we get back, he’ll be here in half an hour.” You sighed, the ten minute commute from his hotel was now a thirty minute one.

“Okay, tell him I say hi.” She rushes out, but pauses before grabbing one of the outfit bags she had purchased. You roll your shoulders opening your room door. The lights are off which is strange you remember leaving one on?

You hum before trying to find the light switch before the motion lights in the hallway turn off. 

As they do, effectively leaving you in darkness. Your eyes move to the ceiling tiny glow in the dark moon and stars begin to appear. Then the room illuminates in a soft glow, a series of lights shine from the ceiling. Twinkling and then forming the Hogwarts Crest, then the Hufflepuff emblem, you look around your room, Bucky stands there at the head end of your bed.

“Bucky.” Your throat knots with emotion.

“Doll.” He gives you your special smile, the Hufflepuff emblem moves to above you, Bucky walks with tiny stars a few steps ahead of him.

“My stars brought me to you.” He says, arm encircling your waist, your hands rest on his chest, the lights twinkling above you.

“You designed the software that does this.” You murmur, in awe of him.

“Come on, I have something to show you.” He leads you to the bed.

Laying you down and joining you. He tweaks with his phone, then the lights switch off, you watch the glow in the dark stars appear again. 

“You’ve always wanted to go stargazing.” He states, “I’m here to take you stargazing.”

As if on cue the song you share with him, Stargazing by The Neighbourhood begins to play from the speakers he set up. The lights begin to glow again, a flurry of constellations appearing with the beat as their guide.

You watch mesmerised, Bucky watches you. Your mirth illuminated by the stars, the way your eyes recognise some constellations and then when you look away from the lights to him with so much adoration. 

You gaze at Bucky, so much love brimming in your heart. No words can do justice to describe what he has done, the way he set this up for you, you almost blabber your own surprise. 

The song comes to an end, the lights dim then a soft glow begins again, enough to see Bucky clearly. You pull him into a kiss, hands tangling with his hair. 

Bucky returns the kiss with equal fervour and love.

Moments later, breathlessly you both part, Bucky gives you a knowing grin.

“I believe you owe me a dance.” He reminds and you laugh, clambering off of the bed, you hold your hand out for him. Bucky grasps it as you lead him to the open space in your room.

He begins to play the same song, the lights now following the beat but no constellations form. The song begins not a traditional slow song but Bucky sways you around, then twirls you around a few times, you laugh as he begins singing and you join in.

As the tempo begins faster, he begins his dancing of jumping around and moving his hips to the beat. Your hand never leaves his. He never drops your hand.

You both giggle, moving close as the song slows in tempo, chests pressed as you can feel his heart beating with your own. Bucky makes you wrap your hands around his shoulders, taking your weight on his arm. He does a dip, then pulls you up to a kiss as the instrumental break comes in.

The two of you move closer, the song begins again, the kissing continues. You both stumble and laugh in the kiss finding your way to the bed without parting from each other.

Clothes begin to fall, you’re under him on the bed, hips wrapped around his waist. Bucky looks absolutely ethereal with a halo around him, the light illuminates him in the most beautiful way as he takes you apart underneath him.

Your lips only say his name, his lips pray your name. 

You reach your brink, Bucky groans as you clench around him, eyes closed so lost in him.

When he turns you both so that you're on top, your hips move, needing him to mark you, needing to feel him.

Bucky’s moans and sharp inhales combined with your name have you know he’s close.

Bucky cups your cheek, an angel watching over him. The way the lights make your skin gleam, the way the warmth envelopes him from you. His hand moves from your cheek to your clit, you moan, Bucky wants you to cum with him.

“Go on doll, cum with me. Fuck so beautiful.” He praises, his hips meet yours, you shudder and your orgasm prompts his own, you lean forwards against his chest, as the aftershocks consume the two of you. 

Bucky strokes your cheek, keeping you against him. Hoping that holding you for longer may allow him more time with you.

You place a soft kiss to his chest, shoulders and over the scars. He closes his eyes, committing all of this to memory.

Night Four

The divorce hearing went well, your mother got all of her dues, your father even apologised though then he made a condescending comment which your mother expected.

Dinner was an emotional affair as it was goodbye. Bucky’s flight left in five hours and you all had to leave in the next ten minutes to make it at the mark of check-in opening.

Natasha had your luggage which was very hard to pack with how often Bucky was over. You then resorted to the laundry loads being packed. It was in her car, you would share a taxi with Bucky then Nat would “be driving the two of you home”. 

As the moment loomed your mom and Bucky exchanged goodbyes and then she pulled you into her room for a tearful goodbye as well. She informed you that your father knew of the online conversion and that you would be visiting Bucky, but not when.

The two of you part and Bucky keeps you close, all through the travel right up to the gates. It wasn’t hard to find tears, in a way he was leaving. You held onto him tightly. 

Bucky taps your lower back, then pulls you up to hug him with your legs wrapped around him. You stay that way, clinging onto him, him not wanting to let you go. His eyes are red when he parts from you, you wipe his tears, 

“It’s just a while, then I’ll be next to you again.” You assure with a smile.

“Can’t wait longer than a few minutes.” Bucky shakes his head, he pushes the luggage trolley, the security cross checks his details as he makes his way inside to the check in counter.

When your phone chimes with a message that he has checked in you turn to Natasha. Your bags are set on a trolley, your papers in an organised folder.

“You can give them my address, I am coming down in about ten days after you. Don’t worry about anything okay?” She explains again, you hug her tighter.

Midnight Bringing In Day Five.

Natasha and you part, you enter the airport past midnight making it day five, being checked in online the process is faster than usual they usher you off to security and immigration.

You’re placing your laptop and other items back into your bag. 

Bucky sends you an image of holding his coffee and pouting. 

Bucky🌻: cleared immigration, heading to get some coffee, I miss you already. How could they lie and say five days, I demand an extra twenty four hours with you.

Doll🌸: I miss you too, want to see your cute face next to me. I wish I could give you those.

Bucky🌻: I do too, did you get home?

You check the timing and Natasha’s message comes through just as you step in the immigration line tucking your phone away. It takes thirty minutes and then you find a good hiding spot near the boarding gate, you put your hood up.

Bucky🌻: Doll? 

Doll🌸: sorry Nat and I stopped for ice cream… Did boarding start yet?

Bucky🌻: not yet, heading to the gate, sitting right under this one cool looking light.

<attaches the picture>

You do a quick sweep and realise he’s far enough from you. 

Doll🌸:  that is one cool light, though i have the coolest lights in my room. 

Bucky had made sure that he had given you the app to use the lights as you pleased, the name of the app always made you smile. ‘Stargazing with Doll🌸’

Bucky🌻: the coolest. When are you going to sleep? 

Doll🌸: When boarding commences and you get on the plane.

Bucky🌻: Doll…

Doll🌸: Bucky…

You stand carefully going to get your own coffee, the plane had food so you could hold out but the cheesecake on display was tempting.

Bucky🌻: Want to play UNO online to kill time?

Doll🌸: Bring it on.

Much to your disdain he wins all the rounds as you eat and play in the sitting area of the food court. The overhead flight alert chimes and the boarding commences for your flight. 

Bucky🌻: boarding call…

Doll🌸: I love you, I’m going to miss you. We can do this, we’ll formulate a schedule based on your day two activities okay? I love you.

Bucky🌻: I am going to come home to you. Sooner than later, I’m going to not let us only dream anymore. I love you, we can do this again. 

<insert Elle Woods GIF of ‘what like it's hard?’>

I’m settling into the plane now, sleep well my Doll.

You keep your phone inside, getting into line and it turns out you will be the last one to board, based on the entry path he should spot you as you walk into the section.

When you enter the door, you request the stewardess in the quickest of summaries to record the reaction, she agrees and you hand her your phone with the camera rolling.

Bucky sighs as he glances at the city which harbours his home. His palm on the window. 

You bite your lip, people are still lingering in the aisles so you know you aren’t delaying the plane.

You place your bag in the overhead bin, keeping your headphones with yourself, Bucky still looks outside the window, lost in thought. You settle in next to him, your knee bumps against his and he still doesn’t look away.

The Stewardess gives you a thumbs up when you look at her with slight panic.

“Sorry about bumping your knee, I’m just nervous to see my boyfriend.” You explain, Bucky just waves his hand. 

“His name is James, haven’t seen him in a few hours, the whole long distance thing just sucks. You know?” You hold back your giggle as his head whips to face you, blue eyes wide.

You wave at him.

“Doll?” Bucky parts his lips, heart hammering, he looks around then outside then at his phone then you again.

“Bucky.” You keep grinning but the tears are forming, Bucky’s eyes begin to brim with tears as well.

“I love you.” He says, pulling you into a kiss as the Stewardess cheers along with a few other members of staff watching the scene unfold.

When you pull away from the kiss, “I love you.” The Stewardess hands you your phone. 

“I, how?” He wonders, hand in yours, his smile not leaving his face.

“I have sixteen hours to tell you. We got day five.” You grin, kissing the back of his hand.

“I, gosh, I love you.” He repeats still not able to believe his luck, you smile at him.

“I love you.” You say, “I couldn’t bear to be apart, so soon.” 

“I almost contemplated running off the plane.” Bucky laughs, you shake your head bemused, 

“Well good thing I boarded the plane didn’t I?” 

He nods, the world moves on around the two of you. Safety checks, pushing back from the gate, preparing for taxi, and then finally the plane takes off.

You rest your head on Bucky’s shoulder, his hand holds yours, never to let go, his lips press to your forehead.

“I told you, I’m the luckiest man alive,” he whispers, you chuckle.

The city lights twinkle underneath, as you begin your journey to a familiar city, but you both are going to be there with each other’s home.

“I think i met you in my dreams once, I think it was happenstance, then I fell in love with you, then you built a home within me and I built one within you.” Bucky speaks as you look up at him, 

“I think I met you in my dreams once, I think it was happenstance, then I fell in love with you, then you took away the aches from within me, and I took away the aches from within you.” you find his azure gaze full of mirth.

“You did, you absolutely did.” He affirms.

Bucky’s lips meet yours once again.

A.N: so this brings an end to the chapters, an epilogue is coming and i'm in tears over this fic coming to an end, just a massive massive thank you to you all for reading and interacting and giving so much love, a forehead kiss to all of you.

permanent tags: @stevesmewmew @pandaxnienke

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@lissettacevedo14 @simpingfortoomanypeople @ebonyhogan24

@sammyisfat @juulle987 @elle14-blog1 @bye-moonchild @salenorona23 @slutforsexyseabass

[thesapphireprincess]

My 2 week social media cleanse:Day 1

Last night I decided to take a break from social media for 2 weeks straight, posting included. These are the apps I will be taking a break from, Tik tok, Instagram, discord, YouTube and Pinterest & podcasts. I was going to add tumblr as well but I recently started using tumblr and I am learning a lot from it and I’m actually reading important posts that relate to my goals but that doesn’t mean I’ll be on tumblr all day, there will be a limit. I think YouTube & Pinterest can be helpful but not if you’re constantly consuming content. For example I went to the gym this morning and I remembered I have a fitness board saved on my Pinterest, so I opened it to view and practice the workouts I had saved. Same with YouTube, I won’t be watching any YouTubers that show their lives or talk about their ideology, it will only be used for workouts, audiobooks & music. I won’t be looking at any new pins on Pinterest other than recipes and my workout/ self help section. Everything will have limits on them. It’s important that we don’t over consume online content, helpful or not.

This morning was very productive, I woke up at 7:30am and decided to go to the gym. I showered and got ready. I was in the gym for about 40 minutes which was longer than I anticipated. I was planning on being there for only 15 minutes but my timer went off rather quickly. I stretched, did arm exercises with 2 “5”pound weights, jump roped and did 9 minutes on the treadmill. It was nice to truly focus on my self with no distractions and I felt beautiful in the gym. After that I came home put on a documentary and did my hair, makeup & got dressed. I then headed to the grocery store to pick up a few things. I finished all of this before the hour of 12 ended. Then I made a cup of tea & breakfast and then read for about 40 minutes to an hour.

What I learned: Life is a lot better when you’re not constantly on social media, life is a lot better when you aren’t constantly comparing yourself to people on Instagram or Tik tok. Life feels so peaceful when you’re the only person you have to compare yourself to. I realized not everyone has the strength to do this but I highly recommend turning off your notifications for all social media apps, it will help you stay off on the apps more. I think that going on a 2 week social media break will help to break the addiction. Social media is what was stopping me from my goals, laying in bed all day online is not healthy. Also I think that we shouldn’t spend more than 3 hours on any platform a day. Add that limit and try not to break it. I recommend not being on your phone/ laptop/ iPad in the mornings at all. I use my Alexa dot for an alarm and at 7pm I turn off all devices until 10am-12pm, unless you’re looking at directions or something.

What I’m focusing on: During this time I will be focusing on reading, exercising and exploring my city. Being in the real world. I want to recreate myself into my dream person before I start dating again. I plan on dating and marrying only wealthy men when I’m ready to get back out there. I will be trying real life dating but I also want to give dating sites/dating apps another try. I’m staying away from the big bad 3: tinder, bumble & hinge 🤢. These apps are full of dusty after dusty just looking for a random hook up. Some women have good luck on them but I am not one of those women. I predict I’ll be ready in about 3 months and then I’ll do some research. I would prefer only dating In real life but online dating maximizes your chances. If the new sites or apps give me the same ick that the big bad do then they will be deleted asap. I’m praying that I have good luck meeting quality men in person. If I run into someone during this time and they want to take me on a nice date I’m not against it but I won’t have the intention of meeting anyone when I’m out.

In the mean time I will be healing my body from the inside out with a healthy but balanced diet, whitening my teeth and wearing my retainer, reading a variety of different books on different topics to sharpen my conversation skills, perfecting my routine, working out at the gym and going on mornings walks, keeping my nails and feet done at all time, perfecting my makeup and hair skills, learning how to style my clothes better while updating my wardrobe and much much more. I’m in the middle of a major transformation and I need to take some time to work on myself. This doesn’t happen over night. I’ve been on my level up journey for almost a year now, it’s a journey that never ends but I am close to becoming the person I want to be. I will be updating y’all on my journey weekly. The real world is where it’s at. <3

[These Pictures are all from Pinterest & were previously downloaded on my phone]

[colibrie]

H'ABBA Good Time!

Inspired by RIP (Rest in Pancakes) by Zartophski. I highly recommend reading because zee is an incredible author and it will make you smile.

(Cross posted on A03)

"I can't look away" Four said, his eyes large and round as the pulsating stage lights turned then from green to blue and then red and violet in rapid succession.

"Why would you want to?!" Wind whooped, standing on his seat with his phone's camera pointed at the stage. "This is gold!"

"How many drinks did you give them?!" Time asked, scowling at Twilight and Sky.

"Hey, don't look at me!" Twilight protested, one arm reaching out to snag the back of Wilds hoodie without ever taking his eyes off Times scowling face. "They were the ones who decided to have a drinking competition."

"And whose idea was it to let them-"

"SEE THAT GIRL!" Warriors bellowed into the mic, the syllables slurring sloppily as he attempted to execute a spin and pose.

"WATCH THAT SCENE!" Legend caterwauled in reply, pointing a wobbly finger towards the ceiling.

"DIGGIN THE DANCING QUEEN!" the two finished together, the audience laughing and clapping as their voices rose in perfect disharmony.

"Oh, lighten up Time!" Wild groused, subtly working his arms free of his hoodie's sleeves. "They are just blowing off some post finals steam."

"And it's not like they’re hurting anybody," Sky soothed, one arm wrapped around a madly giggling Sun. "They aren't even fighting with each other for once! You're the one always griping at them to get along."

Time sighed, the fingers of the hand not holding Malon's coming up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "I am not drunk sitting them tonight or dealing with the hangovers tomorrow. That’s all on you guys."

"Fair enou-hey!" Twilight cried as Wild ducked free of his restraint and made a bee line for the stage.

"Oh, this is gonna be great!" Wind chortle as Engie screamed out his fifth request for wonderwall.

“Wild!” Warriors cheered, throwing his arms out so wide that he stumbled back.

“Ge’ up ere!” Legend commanded, and Wild seemed all too happy to comply as he vaulted up onto the stage.

“Looks like we got a newcomer!” the MC warbled, laughing as Wild waved to the cheering crowd. “Alright kid, what number are you going to thrill us with?”

“One only the truest ABBA fan or the exceptionally drunk can pull off, and fortunately I have both singing back up for me!” Wild replied, beaming as the crowd broke into peels of laughter. “Super Trooper!”

“Alright!” The MC agreed, and seconds later the opening bars of the song blared d out of the speakers.

“I love everything about this night!” Hyrule shouted as Warriors, Wild and Legend began to belt out the words, all three of them shimmying and shaking out of time with one another.

“Flora is going to be so mad that she skipped this for lab time,” Malon giggled as she swayed along to the beat.

“More like glad. I give up,” Twilight sighed, tossing Wilds discarded hoodie onto his empty chair before taking a healthy swig of his own beer.

“TONIGHT THE SUPER TROOPER LIGHTS ARE GONNA FIND ME, SHINING LIKE THE SUN!” Wild screamed into the mic, his pitch going in and out of control as he tried to balance singing and laughing.

“SMILING, HAVING FUN!” Legend chimed in, a sappy smile curling his normally sullen face.

“FEELING LIKE A NUMBER ONE!” Warriors finished, planting one hand on his popped hip and throwing back his head.

“This is so going on social media!” Wind wheezed.

“Nope,” Time replied, swiping Winds phone out of his hands. “You know the rules. Blackmail is fine, but it stays in the group.”

“You’re no fun,” Wind grumbled, pouting as Time gave him a disapproving look. “Fine! But I am keeping it for next time one of them tries to skimp out on chores.”

“That’s totally fair,” Time affirmed, handing the younger man his phone. “Carry on.”

“This was such a good idea. Thank you for inviting us, Engie!” Sky said.

“Yes! I feel like I barely got to see any of you these past couple of weeks,” Sun added.

“How did you know about this place?” Hyrule asked, wincing as Legend over balanced and fell into Warriors, the two going down in a tangle of limbs.

“Heard about it from two seniors,” Engie replied, clapping along with the crowd as Wild finished out the song by himself.

“Give it up for our Super Troopers!” The MC called as Wild swept his arms wide in dramatic bows to the crowd. “Putting the ABBA in ABBAsolutely drunk! Maybe switch to water boys!”

The crowd laughed and cheered as Wild hauled Warriors and Legend off the stage.

“Alright, who’s gonna be our next brave singer?”

“Oh! I want to!” Sun squealed, pulling away from Sky in a rush to get to the stage before someone else could claim the honor.

“Finally, something that won’t make my ears bleed,” Twilight joked, mock scowling at Wild as he and his inebriated companions made it back to the tables the group had claimed for their own.

“True artists are never recognized in their time,” Wild sniffed, dumping Warriors into the empty chair next to Twilight as Hyrule got up to take Legend back to his side of the table.

“Alright my people, we have a new songbird for you!” the MC’s voice called everyone’s attention back to the stage. “This is Sun, and she wants this song to go out to her “sleepyhead”. So, give it up, for Gimme Gimme!”

"Gimme Gimme Gimme a man after midnight, won't somebody help me chase these shadows away," Sun crooned, sashaying across the stage with an extra swish in her hips as the crowd cheered and sang along. Her tone was clear and her pitch perfect and the swell of the crowd added a fantastic harmony, but no one at their small table noticed as they were too busy laughing at the bright red color steadily climbing up sky's pale cheeks.

"Oop, we passed lush lava!" Four cackled, flipping the tile on the car color swatches that he'd pulled from some unknown pocket of his bag. "Let's see if we can get to craving cranberry!"

"He might actually make it to Groose red!" Twilight chortled, slapping Sky on the back as he used his other arm to prop up a drooping Warriors.

"You all suck," Sky groused, though his words lost any weight they might have carried against the lovesick expression that followed Sun as she sang her song.

"Ah, young love," Time sighed, leaning over to pat Sky on the shoulder in a teasingly paternal manner. "You'll grow into it someday."

"Hey, where did Malon go?" Hyrule asked, one hand idly petting Legends wild locks as his friend snored blissfully against his shoulder. The other hand politely tapped the table as the crowd eagerly applauded Sun as she finished her song and left the stage.

"She said she had something she needed to do," Wind replied as Sun bounced back to the table with a brilliant smile on her face. "But she didn't say what."

"Alright!" The MC called. "Next up we are going to keep this ABBA fest rolling on with a lil Honey, honey! Give a big warm welcome to Malon!"

Lightning shot up Times spine as Malon strutted onto the stage with the opening pars of music, his mouth dropping open as she grabbed her mic.

"Honey, honey how he thrills me! Uh huh, honey, honey. Honey, honey, nearly kills me! Uh huh, honey, honey," Malon cooed in a sultry voice, tossing back her hair as she looked Time dead in the eye with a coy smirk. "Honey honey, nearly kills me! Uh huh, honey, honey. I'd heard about him before, I wanted to know some more. And now I know what they mean, he's a love machine! Oh, he makes me dizzy!"

There was not a collective breath to be had as Times face turned an unnamed red and the entire table collapsed into hysterics.

[viragosoul]

HUH YUNJIN  22  FEMALE  SHE / HER — ; where do you get your inspiration, SONG SIYEON ? you’re so OUTSPOKEN, i can’t help but think of BLASTING MUSIC AT 3AM, THE LINGERING SMELL OF SUNSCREEN, BROKEN CLAY SPREAD ACROSS THE FLOOR when i hear your name. your friends tell me you can be DELUSIONAL sometimes . i guess it’s understandable given the circumstances . besides , i can’t even imagine how stressful SCULPTOR classes must be — not to mention you’re also in THE RED AND GREEN CLUB & SODALITES ! you’re a NEWCOMER , right ? yeah , i thought so . either way , welcome to mugunghwa !  ( rouge , 21+ , cst )

hello friends ♡ i’m rouge and i’m v excited to be here to bring you this bullheaded woman named song siyeon! she’s still relatively new and doesn’t rly know what’s going on, but that’s okay b/c she’s just here to prove herself 💪 anywho i have her profile and personality page set up, but under the cut i’ll have more info on her background and maybe even some half-baked plots if we’re lucky! please like this post to plot or add me on discord at saturnian charm#3118 which is highly preferred over tumblr ims! i’m super stoked to write with you all!

there’s nothing much to note of her background: she was born in seoul to a well off family as the miracle child after many fertility issues. mother was a professor turned stay at home mom, and her father is a politician, although a highly controversial / disliked one. her grandparents on her mother’s side are known art aficionados within the seoul scene. due to being the only child, she was pretty much your typical spoiled golden spoon baby.

deemed gifted with art at a very young age, and because her skills brought esteem to the song name, her parents decided to cultivate it and throw the best of whatever money could buy: tutors/mentors, supplies, schooling, experiences, whatever was recommended and whatever she asked for was gotten. in return, she was constantly put into art competitions “for her benefit” in her parents terms, but in hindsight it was obviously just for the attention ⏤ and didn’t start off too hot. anything that wasn’t top three was a failure

high school was ... alright. that’s when her father started becoming more controversial, and every time she started to win a competition her name was always attached to his, which caused her to be less socially accepted with her non-artistic peers ⏤ and even some of the artistic ones as well, thinking that she only won due to her family name. and in her eyes, there were only two ways of dealing with this: fall into despair and feel sorry for herself, or fight it. don’t give a damn and prove them wrong by working hard at her craft. and so, she does. and tbh ... this is probably whenever she reaches full menace status too LOL.

reaches out a sculptor that she admires via social media, and after meeting up at her exhibits siyeon becomes her mentee during her third year in high school. during breaks she travels abroad to where she lives in paris and hones her craft under her knowledge. does a lot of growing up during this time too.

after high school, she flies to paris after an argument with her parents regarding her future and decides to wing it. but actually living in a place abroad is much different from visiting, and culture shock hits her hard; she’s about to give up probably 4 weeks in until her mentor finds her, and instead siyeon spends that time under her tutelage while in art school. doesn’t reconnect with her parents ( especially since her father’s views get much worse while she’s away ) and instead contacts her grandparents more instead.

her grandparents talk about coming home and going to mugunghwa, as her grandpa has invested within the school, but she says no. however, when she meets minjun and finds out that he goes to to the same school, siyeon takes that as a sign and uproots her life to transfer there instead.

and yeah, that brings us to here and now! except now she’s single LMAO

okay so i actually lied and i don’t have plots here because the above took a lot out of me but i promise i love brainstorming so please don’t be afraid to hit me up! ♡ 

[destinyc1020]

phone addiction is real and normalized and i haaaate it. i feel like so many of us are on some level addicted to screens, and i just absolutely hate the feeling of it. like i love coming on here, seeing content, catching up, but when i'm away too long i honestly get really restless and feel like i 'have' to check to see whats up in the entertainment world. i've been working on this for years, too, trying to figure out ways to just chill and maybe log off of things for a few days, but i struggle to even manage that. what i want is just a nice balance of checking up on fandom stuff casually, not feeling like i need to do it or that i'm missing something if i'm away for a few days. it's baaad!! and then you go out and see people glued to their screens in restaurants, with their kids, in every situation possible. theres so many advantages to phones but i feel like their disadvantages aren't talked about enough. i love how tom has spoken up about stepping back from checking social media, i hope z for her own health does the same sometimes cause whew,cannot imagine being famous and having social media convo being about myself!

Yea girl....I feel you lol.

I think society has kind of normalized this behavior of "Phubbing" in public also. However, if you look back to old movies, or even old photographs, you'll see images or pictures of people casually enjoying one another's company at a restaurant and giving everyone their full attention.

But if you go out to eat in 2023, and look around a crowded restaurant, you're guaranteed to notice at least more than a few people phubbing the ppl they're with at the same table because they're deep into their phones. I've even seen a group of friends (not mine) all at the same table, and EVERY SINGLE ONE of them had their heads bent into their phones.... nobody talking to each other... 😑

I'm like, what's the point in even going out as a group of friends if all you're going to be doing is ignoring each other the entire night? Rofl 😆 🤣

Anyway, I totally agree with what Tom says about giving yourself a BREAK from social media, and just your devices in general!!🥰 That's just wise advice imo. 🤷🏾‍♀️

I know it sounds super crazy, but I guarantee you that if you were to delete all of your social media apps from your phone and stay away from them for two weeks, you will realize that you feel SO MUCH BETTER, and your addiction will subside. 😊

***You are addicted BECAUSE you keep going on these sites lol. If you stay away from them, the less you will be addicted, believe me. 💯

It will be tough, but that's why it's called an ADDICTION. That's classic addiction symptoms if you can't stop doing smthg, or you feel anxious or uneasy when you remove the addiction from your life.

However, it DOES get easier with every passing day that you don't give in to your addiction.

You're only feeding your addiction the more you go on it and can't stay stay away from it for many days.

Just like Tom noticed that he had a problem with alcohol and started to stay away from it, you can find (just like he did) that it gets easier the longer you stay away from it! 😊 The first step however is (as you've already done) recognizing that you have an addiction.

I know for me personally, I stop craving it when I get off of even Tumblr for a few days lol 😆 I highly recommend it. I also think that a lot of fans will STOP feeling so anxious about Tomdaya every two seconds when you're not following their every move every second of the day. 👀🤷🏾‍♀️

I'm telling you, NOT being addicted to your phone is a wonderful thing! 😊

You can even try a "Living in the 90s" Challenge by driving someplace close to home (maybe the grocery store or smthg) and actually *gasp*! leaving your cellphone at HOME!! 😳🤯😲

I'm getting anxiety just even thinking about doing that rofl 🤣, but I've actually contemplated doing that just as a challenge for myself to see if I can actually do it, and not break out in a cold sweat wondering where my phone is, what I'm missing, or whether someone has tried to reach me at some point lol 😅

I think what we will find when/if we do this, however, is that we're way more PRESENT in our lives, we make more conversations with ppl in public, and we will probably notice so many more things in our life when we leave the phone at home, or just leave it in our purse. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[bookaddict24-7]

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

Books I’ve read so far in 2022!

Friend me on Goodreads here to follow my more up to date reading journey for the year!

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241. This is Why They Hate Us by Aaron H. Aceves--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Okay, I wasn't sure what to expect with this one because I went in fully blind, but omg, I LOVED it. It did such a beautiful job of talking about a teen boy's sexual identity and mental health and I think everyone should read it. The last time I felt like this about a book was with DARIUS THE GREAT IS NOT OKAY. Both books deal with complicated feelings toward friends and with the struggle a family faces when they encounter one of their members experiences a mental health crisis. Also, this book was very sex positive (which I think is something that is important because the younger readers who might relate to the MC can see the gay sex or the allusion to it doesn't have to be a taboo subject.) The experiences of this MC can be relatable to many teenagers and I think that this is important, especially because with social media, teens aren't as naive about the topic of sex as they once were. I really, really loved this book and while it had moments that pulled at your heartstrings, it had genuinely funny moments, too. I found myself laughing a few times at the one-liners and the commentary about the people in the MC's life. I highly recommend this one, especially for any teenager that is currently trying to understand their changing lives, sexualities, identities, and mental health.

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242. Dragon’s Lair by Chantal Fernando--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Okay, so this book is on the audible plus catalogue and I downloaded it on a whim…holy crap. It wasn’t perfect, but I forgot what trash I was for motorcycle clubs. This is way sexier than it had any right to be and also…listen, I know a lot of people hate the surprise baby trope, but hi, I love it (not a spoiler). I loved seeing the MC come out of her shell as she gained more freedom from the chains of her life before her one night stand. This was quick, dirty, and dangerous. Also, I WILL add that if I ever met this kind of man in real life, I would run the other way. They’re just hot on the page 😉😝

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243. Arrow’s Hell by Chantal Fernando--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The ANGST. I loved this one because of that forbidden romance feel, the fact that the love interest is processing his grief, and that the MC is a badass who will absolutely not let him get away with his shit. The spice was also…like an arrow to the heart. 😏 Loved this one, even if the men have questionable ways of treating women. Like I said in the last review: never in real life, just in fiction. 💅🏽

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244. Tracker’s End by Chantal Fernando--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Ah, Tracker. The one who was trying to steal our hearts from the very beginning. We could see this couple coming from a mile away, but I love that we actually get to see their growth. I do think that Tracker is probably the most eh guy of the three so far because he IS a reformed super player. (All of them are, but I feel like he was the one who took a while to let that lifestyle go). There’s a particular scene where I was yelling “are you SERIOUS, Tracker?!?” I wanted to slap him. I really liked this MC—especially because of her little secret that slowly starts seeping into her not-so-secret life. That was a fun twist. I also like how possessive she becomes because it goes so against her perceived nature. I want to read the next one but it’s not part of the Audible Plus catalogue 😭

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245. Son of Elsewhere by Elamin Abdelmahmoud--⭐️⭐️

I have read a few autobiographies this year, so I was excited to read this one—especially because it deals with an immigration experience. Unfortunately, while I enjoyed reading about the jarring realities of being one of the only BIPOC people in a white community and essentially erasing your race so you can fit in, I found that the book as a whole was a bit choppy. I get that this memoir is told in sections, but I think this really hurt the flow of the writing. The going back and forth in the timeline based on the theme of the chapter took me out of the experience many times, often leaving me wishing that we could continue one stream of his life rather than him chopping it up and starting from scratch in the next chapter. The plus side: he sounds and sort of writes like Simu Liu, which was a big plus because I both loved his autobiography and his voice when reading for the audiobook. I’d still recommend this one because the general experience and story is an important one. The style of writing and flow just didn’t match my interests.

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246. King of Wall Street by Louise Bay--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I was in the mood to keep reading another spicy book, so I tried this one and while it wasn’t perfect, it delivered! I love a good smutty book about a single dad resisting that one woman who can change everything for him. I think the female MC was a little chaotic, but I don’t blame her because the male MC needed a little bit of chaos in his life (especially after he was such an asshole to her.) This one didn’t have a lot of depth to it, to be honest, but it’s a fun, quick, and dirty read.

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247. Key Player by Kelly Yang--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I love Kelly Yang's writing. I think her books are incredibly important reads--not just for the younger readers in our world, but also for the adults who need more stories full of lessons that I think everyone should be reminded of every once in a while. I will say that this addition to the series gave me a little bit of anxiety because of the actions of one character and where their arc would go because of said actions. But I also knew that I needed to trust the process because the books in this series never let me down. It's wild to see how far the little family in this series has come! I was so happy for them when they succeeded at what they wanted, and so heartbroken when they weren't able to succeed in their goals. We were also shown how internalized racism can affect us and how grief and the fear of guilt can also change us. I did enjoy that this book focused so much on one particular character and their journey--it made the series feel more well-rounded. If this was the last book in the series, I would be content with that ending. I'll always recommend a Yang book--she's an incredible, empathetic, and gifted author. A definite must-read!

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248. Just A Bit Twisted by Alessandra Hazard--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 

Re-read October 2022 This was one of those books that I’ve been craving for the past year or so. Sometimes there are certain books that you just want to re-read and experience the wildness again. Just like the first time I read this, this was addicting and though some aspects of the relationship were a little on the darker side, I was loving it all over again. This series will forever hold a special place in my heart.

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249. Going Wild by Lisa McMann--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I really enjoyed this one, even though it was slightly different than what I was expecting. It reminded me of all the Marvel origin movies I’ve loved because it’s this character actively figurine out what her powers are and the limits she faces in that journey. There was one instance with some new friends that threw me off because it felt random and like it came out of nowhere. But in the end, I loved it because it also gave me Shazam vibes (may be a spoiler if you know Shazam.) Will hopefully read the sequel one day!

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250. Home Field Advantage by Dahlia Adler--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I really enjoyed this one because it had that classic story of proving everyone wrong. I’m a sucker for characters being seen as weaker when they’re actually one of the best at what they do. And what made that even better? It’s that it’s a girl proving everyone wrong. It was super anxiety-inducing, however, how bad the sexism, misogyny, and bigotry was. I loved the character growth of both the MCs around this, but it was still nerve wracking. Loved the rep of these two girls falling for each other—it’s the classic tale of quarterback and cheerleader and I LOVED it. Will have to keep an eye out for the next title by this author 👀👀

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Have you read any of these books? Would you recommend them?

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Happy reading!