#i HIGHLY recommend just going a week away from social media

[chaethewriter]

with(out) you

Jack Champion x reader

In which Jack follows his dreams, unbeknownst to you hurting.

word count: 2,2k

tagged: @viivvriv @genesis4545 @norrisgf @darkcrusadestrawberry @drxwstxrkxy @wafflehousewrold

A/N: requested by my fellow Jack pookies. this took me 5 hours to write my attention span sucks ass. DON'T GET INTO MY INBOX HATING— JACK IS MY COMFORT RN DURING THESE STRESSFUL WEEKS. Anyway to my other pookies, ily enjoy. <3 tell me what tou thought.

Are y'all in need of a part 2?

Jack's career was skyrocketing. You shouldn't be surprised: an important role in Avatar The Way of Water and Ghostface in the popular Scream franchises with a movie featuring Pedro Pascal on the way. Your boyfriend was going places and you couldn't be prouder, but his career skyrocketing also meant he was highly recommended among casting directors. You should be proud of him. You didn't want to be in the way of his success, but what about your boundaries?

He got fancasted in a romcom on social media, to which he grew interested in. He was the top choice, it was everywhere. The existence of the handsome actor named Jack Champion spread like wildfire. You didn't know all the details, but he got casted as the handsome love interest. Just the way everyone wanted it to be. He was trending thanks to this role and he couldn't wait where it would bring him. You were happy for him, but another side of you couldn't help but feel uncomfortable a the thought. You knew it was work, of course you did. It was part of his work and besides, he loved you, right? But you still felt uncomfortable at the thought of him holding another, kissing another, being another's. You never dared to voice these feelings out, though. And you wished you did.

News got out of the casting of the movie and media went into an uproar, everyone but you. The publicity of the casting meant that filming would start. He asked you to be there for him and you reluctantly agreed. You could follow college online, so you didn't have an excuse not to go with him. Was it selfish of you to think like this? You really wanted to be the supportive girlfriend one would see on television, and you felt bad that you currently weren't that person for him.

"Are you proud of him?" You would answer that question truthfully: with a nod, because you were proud of him and what he had achieved.

Being behind the scenes was anything but exciting. Sitting at a table somewhere behind the crew as you typed away on your laptop. Your gaze would occasionally wander in front of you, craning your neck to see Jack in his glory, working his ass off. You couldn't help but smile as you watched him in his role. It was amazing to see how he could go from being Jack to a fictional character. But your smile faded as the camera was rolling and Jack gave her a look similar in your eyes. A look he gave you when he looked at you. A look that wasn't only yours anymore.

You packed your stuff and discreetly left the scene, phone in hand as your thumbs typed away on the screen.

You should have communicated properly.

Jack's phone buzzed in his mother's pocket.

Her <3: I had to leave in an urgent, ily I'll see you soon.

Your relationship was rocky, not the same as before. Jack wasn't stupid. Something was wrong. He may be busy, but he always noticed any small detail that changed when it came to you. He didn't want to push you, so he decided to not push you further. What a mistake that was.

Not communicating your feelings properly.

Not pushing himself to ask you about it.

Was that your downfall?

With this lack of communication, filming continued, with you out of touch with reality. You still stayed in the city Jack was filming at. You wanted to be there for him, but being on set? That you couldn't do. You would be wandering around the city, sitting at cafes as your gaze would focus on the assignment in front of you. You only saw one another at night, when he met you at his trailer after filming. Sharing a small kiss before heading to sleep.

Even that was taken away from you.

As you, unfortunately, walked in during a kissing scene. A kissing scene that they had to redo continuously. Wrong perspective. Touchier. More passion. You couldn't help but watched how his lips moved in sync with hers as she pulled him down by his collar, his hands on her waist. Their bodies pressed against one another. The camera tilted as he pressed her against a nearby wall, deepening the kiss.

"Cut! That was amazing!"

You had already disappeared amongst the crew, your appearance unbeknownst to Jack.

As well as your feelings.

How could you ever voice yourself?

How could he make you talk?

Since that day, you hadn't kissed him on the lips. They didn't belong to you anymore. Was there anything of him that was still yours?

He had shared his longing gazes, his I love you's, his lips, his touches.

What was still yours?

Could you still call him yours?

Every morning, every night, he had leaned in for a kiss from you. His girlfriend. He didn't feel anything for the kisses he did for work, but yours. Yours would always give him butterflies. Made him feel like he was floating. Made his heart beat faster.

But his heart did the polar opposite.

It broke.

It broke as you leaned to the side, his lips landing against your cheek instead.

What had gone wrong?

He watched your expression. A forced smile. He couldn't help it anymore. He couldn't watch the process of your relationship falling apart.

"Baby, talk to me." His voice was soft as it cracked, holding your cheeks in his hands, basically forcing you close to him. Thus forcing your gazes to lock. Your eyes faltered, tears almost welling up in your eyes. Almost. Then your gaze traveled to his lips. Lips that not only you kissed.

"Soon, Jack." Your lips pressed against the tip of his nose as you lied through your teeth. Not knowing you weren't the only one hurting.

Communicating was important, you knew that. But communicating meant explaining your feelings. It meant ruining Jack's career. You couldn't bare to do that. So during the entirety of filming and after, this pain went on.

Him <3: We will be there in 15, my love <3

Her <3: see you soon x

The premiere of the movie. With flashing cameras, interviews, crowds and the first watch. Jack had picked you up with his mother. You were his plus one, of course he had chosen you as his plus on. Who else could he have chosen? Even though the two of you were arguing and you still didn't talk, he wanted to work this out with you. He had hoped this premiere could bring you closer.

If only he knew.

You stayed in the background as Jack walked past the rolling cameras, microphones pressed into his face as every interviewer wanted the first answers to their questions for the rising star. Beside him stood the his co-star, the two of them smiling as they spoke into the microphone. You envied her. Ironic, envying a girl while you were the girlfriend.

"Everyone was amazing. The crew, the director, the cast. It was an unforgettable experience that for sure made me grow as an actor."

"Yes definitely. Jack was amazing to work with and I look forward to working with him more often. There was a bond that immediately clicked, which helped with our chemistry."

It made you sick to your stomach, watching them bond. Their chemistry had grown so much over the months. While you were brooding about your relationship, the two of them had grown so close. Why couldn't you just tell him how you felt?

With your head full of painful thoughts, Jack took you by the waist as he led you towards the venue. While he was proud to show you off to everyone as the cameras were shooting pictures of you, your mind was elsewhere. If only he had already connected the dots and gotten out of there with him, maybe the night would have turned out different.

At that point, you wanted to be anywhere else but there. The lights were off as the movie played on the big screen. You wanted to look away the entire time, the way your hands fiddled in your lap looking so much more interesting than the screen in front of you. But you wanted to support him, watch him act and praise him for it, so you endured the aching in your heart as you focused on your boyfriend holding another in his arms. Jack took notice of this. If he was honest, he could care less about whatever happened on screen: his gaze was focused on you and you only. The way you reacted to anything on the screen. His eyebrows furrowed, as if it finally settled in what was wrong with you.

"I love you, why don't you understand that?!"

"it will always be you!"

His lips pressed against hers, a heated make out scene on full display. The scene you had walked into. You felt sick in your stomach, tears welling into your eyes. You couldn't make a fool out of yourself, so you got up and left. Just like that. He watched you leave and shot up from his seat himself, covering most of the screen for the people behind him. He mumbled soft apologies as he rushed after you.

He had to find you and this time, he would make you talk.

To your dismay, he had found you fast. His long legs keeping up with your shorter ones. You stood in the middle of some empty hallway with your back facing him, your face in your hands as you sobbed. All the emotions you had kept inside you were bursting out, all at once. You were definitely overreacting. He was just doing his job, but why did it hurt?

"babe?" his voice rang through your head. He couldn't see you like this. You have been rubbing your eyes, your makeup was smudged for sure. He stepped towards you, slow but steady, "please talk to me? Don't tell me you're fine. Since I got casted you have been so off.." His voice trailed off, as if the realization finally hit. You were hurting. And it was his fault. The realization made him lunge himself at you, his hands settled on your waist as he pulled you closer. You felt your heart crack.

That wasn't only yours either. You pushed him away with your elbows, thus making him stumble back. "You're not mine anymore."

What?

Not yours?

You owned his heart. You carried it with you everywhere you went, unbeknownst to you. Your name was engraved into his heart. It was beating for you, and only you. He was yours. His mind, body and soul was yours.

"I'm yours, everything that has to do with me is yours."

You snapped. All your frustrations shot out, like lava escaping an active volcano.

You turned to him, your face covered in smudges as your hot tears rolled down your face. "Do you know how it feels to see my boyfriend be someone else's?! You held her like you do with me, you looked at her like you do with me. Hell, you never kissed me like you did with HER. So no, you're not mine. Because when I look at you, I just see you with HER. I can't do it Jack, and I'm sorry."

You held your arms to your chest, as if you tried to protect yourself from further heartbreak. The sight broke him. He never meant to hurt you and he wanted to prove you. A step closer to you was all it took for you to stumble backwards, "why didn't you tell me? I would have understood. Babe, We could have fixed this early on."

"No, Jack. Holding you back was never my intention. And look at you, this romance role made you skyrocket," your voice cracked, "you're a star Jack."

"If being a star means I am hurting you, then I don't want it. You don't hold me back, you could never hold me back. Please, I will do whatever to be with you. There are enough roles for me to get that doesn't include intimacy! Like horror roles, a cool badass side character. There is so much." he was rambling and he knew that. But he couldn't help it. He had to do whatever to make you stay.

"You always wanted to be a star and reach the charts, you-"

"I LOVE YOU! It will always be you! You would always be on my first place! I can't do this without you, please." That sounded incredibly similar. A familiar scream, so echoey that they had gained peoples attention. Phones were taken out, as well as flickering lights filling the room. But he could care less, he needed to fix this.

Yet you were thinking the complete opposite. You had to leave, you couldn't handle crowds. You could hear his pleads as you tried your best to make your way out.

He watched you leave, his tears rolling down his face as his hands were in his hair.

"Jack! Mind telling us what was going on?"

"Jack! Are you officially single now?!"

"Jack smile for us please!"

"Jack here!"

"Jack this way!"

Overwhelmed.

Aching.

He got on his knees as he cried, his face in his hands as he begged everyone to leave him alone. Begged them to let him cry at your departure.

This was his dream, but at what cost?

[livdom-queen]

Wrote my first ever fic to celebrate the 1-month anniversary of LivDom! Let me know what you think 💜🥰

The Best Chicken Tendies in Berlin

As Dom settled into his seat next to a sleeping Liv on their flight to Berlin, he pulled out his iPad and typed, “Best Chicken Tenders in Berlin.” He’d spent the past week on a media tour discussing the upcoming match between him and Liv against Rhea and Damian. During these interviews, he’d joked about treating Liv to the best chicken tenders Berlin had to offer, and now he was determined to make it happen.

Liv had been exhausted from the whirlwind of interviews, Zoom calls, and social media posts about Bash in Berlin. About halfway through the flight, she had fallen asleep with her head resting gently on Dom's shoulder. He understood her fatigue—after all, they had been on the go nonstop.

When the search results finally loaded, Dom chose the most highly recommended restaurant for chicken tenders and made a reservation for Friday evening. He wanted to surprise Liv with a special date to celebrate their almost one-month anniversary. Dom couldn’t believe how lucky he had been to get to know the incredible woman he now called his Güerita. This past month had been transformative for him, and he wanted to show Liv just how much she meant to him.

After landing and checking into their hotel, Dom asked Liv if she had brought anything fancy to wear. “Yeah, I’ve got a few dresses that could work. Why do you ask?” she replied. Dom just smiled and winked, saying, “No reason; just curious.”

The next day, after the kickoff show, Dom asked Liv to pick out one of those dresses for a special night out. She was so thrilled that she jumped into his arms, wrapped her legs around his waist, and kissed him on the cheek. “Really?! You are so sweet, Dominik!”

A few hours later, Dom stood outside Liv’s hotel room in a sharp black dress shirt and pants, holding a bouquet of roses. When Liv opened the door, Dom was taken aback. She looked stunning, with her blonde hair styled in a high ponytail and a striking black dress with a thigh-high slit. Her black heels made her almost eye-level with him.

“So, what do you think?” Liv asked, shaking Dom from his awe-struck silence.

“You… you look exquisite, güerita. These are for you,” Dom said, handing her the roses and kissing the top of her head. “Ready to go?” He offered his hand to guide her to their car.

Moments later, they arrived at ChickenBuzz, a charming restaurant tucked away in Berlin known for its incredible tenders. Dom had reserved the place just for them, decorating it with roses and candles to make Liv feel as special as she had made him feel.

“Dom! This is so beautiful! You did all of this for me?” Liv asked, her eyes shining as she hugged him tightly.

“Of course. You mean the world to me, Liv, and I wanted to show you how much I appreciate everything you do,” Dom said. They shared a sweet kiss before diving into a feast of chicken tenders and various sauces.

After their meal, Dom instructed the driver to take them to Charlottenburg Palace. He had researched and knew Liv would be enchanted by the place. As they strolled through the palace halls and gardens hand in hand, Dom’s nerves began to flutter. He led Liv to a magnificent fountain in the garden and sat her down beside it.

“Liv, I know we’ve only been official for a month, but our history goes back further than that. I just wanted to tell you…” Dom’s voice trailed off as he took a deep breath. Liv squeezed his hands reassuringly.

“Tell me what, Dom?” she asked.

Dom took another deep breath, holding her hands tightly. “I’ve been wanting to tell you this for a while, but Liv… I love you.”

Tears welled up in Liv’s eyes as she leaned in and kissed Dom passionately. When she pulled away, she whispered, “I love you too, Dom.”

In that moment, Dom knew they were destined to be together forever. She was the Ying to his Yang, Bonnie to his Clyde, but most importantly, she was the Liv to his Dom. 💜🖤

[thumperdaetime]

A Gentle Reminder:

if you feel like you're spinning your wheels, and stuck doom scrolling this week -due to the current political landscape. I highly recommend logging off for a bit and seeing if you have the stomach to call a loved one who has political veiws that clash with your own.

social media and news coverage is fantastic for getting info out to people who want to listen, but it is an ineffective tool for actually communicating with people you disagree with.

I'm not a people-scientist but every time i see "yelling at each other online doesn't actually help" and have the energy to look into What does actually help, experts always say that it's empathetic, long term relationships between people that disagree.

so if you have a bunch of nervous political energy and no clearly helpful place to put it right now:

go call your grandmother. talk about the weather, and the way you miss her cooking. give her a real living person to picture The next time a newscaster talks about the radical-left-mob. if you talk to her regularly consider asking what she thinks about the recent political thing. you're not there to debate or prove her wrong or even change her mind. just listen to someone you love confess their fears, and then share your own fears. you are probably actually on the same side when you get down to it. you both want a safe place to live and the people you love to be happy, (most people do) its just you dont agree about how to go about that.

text your little cousin a random meme, when they send back a thing about how voting is a scam, let it go. share a vine to find out if they know the deep lore. make plans to meet up and play whatever video game they're obsessed with right now. and if the vibe is right and its not going to become an argument, try talking a bit about why the whole not voting movement scares you. don't talk down to them, talk like your two friends who respect each other's opinion (Thats The whole goal actually) ask them why they think its a good strategy, collaborate on other activist things you can do together. included them in your politics instead of dismissing their points.

and its not easy, as wild as it is to think about having a deep but pleasant conversation with your worst Uncle. the fact remains that Your Problematic & Uncle is much more likely to speak up for gay rights. if you can get to a place where you enjoy each others company, and you feel safe talking to him about your struggles as a queer person. and to be fair, you are more likely to take into account the effects of a gun ban on the local wildlife balance, if you sit through your Problematic Uncle complaining about how local restrictions made deer season hard to do last year, and now the tic population is up and the food banks are empty.

divide and conquer is a long standing tactical strategy. and we have seen that fascist in particular like to divide people into a hierarchy of ""real people""" and an ""inhuman enemy"" . when we let their rhetoric turn our peers and neighbors into an inhuman enemy, we can loose sight of what we should actually be fighting for and against.

and if you spend all your time yelling at Doug Nobody who was taking an angry shit when you were typing out that essay, you take energy away from the real fight (the systems and actual active oppressors). the best way to stop that tactic is by standing together with people outside of the box you've been assigned (as much as ethically possible). and refusing to let the system make you perpetuate usless infighting.

When we let the political fandom (yes i mean the media made around politics and not actual political action) act as a wedge between us and people who could have been in our lives, we end up with weaker support groups and less per review for political ideas. it is easy to believe Q-anon if the only people you talk to believe in Q-anon. the same way it is easy to believe that Taylor Swift is a lesbian if everyone you talk to believes Taylor Swift is a lesbian. sometimes we need a person to stop and say "wait, can you run that idea by me again? it doesn't fit my perception of reality"

and Yes. it is probably unlikely at this point to convince someone who has voted one way their whole life to change their political views before November. but that doesn't mean we dont reach-out ever. there will still be politics in September and October, you will still need a diverse support group, and people you trust to bounce political ideas off of. and if you are as worried as i am about this upcoming election, it is very possible that having a community of people who are okay with working together despite political differences will be very helpful in the coming years. (and holding a meaningful, satisfying conversation with someone you disagree with on a fundamental issue is a huge skill to have if you want to take part in alot of activism, community building, or family gatherings)

a quick list of things Op is NOT Saying in this post:

it is your duty and responsibility to do this thing and you're a bad person for not doing it.

this is really easy and everyone should be able (and willing) to take on the emotional energy needed to do this for everyone they know who doesn't agree with them.

watching news or being on social media doesn't help anything.

this is the best way to help and there are no other things you should be doing with your time/energy.

the conversations will be pleasant and/or will always have a positive outcome.

any beliefs i listed together are some how morally equivalent.

you should compromise your beliefs for the sake of getting along with others.

the best answer is most likely centrist because both sides are extremists.

voting this one time will fix all of the things and you're evil if you are conflicted about it.

voting is the best way for a single individual to enact change in their country.

i love the president, and the candidates, and the voting system, and the two parties, and the electoral college, and the bombs, and the genocide and all the death and corruption and violence its all holding up and being held up by.

we should listen to "both sides" to get a fair and balanced picture of the issue

we should let nazis, and bigots, and fascist talk openly about their ideas openly as if its not hate speech calling for violence against marginalized people.

you Have to go reconnect with your abusers and toxic relationships from your past in the hopes you can convince them to vote correctly.

the current political thing that made me make this post is The Most Important Thing!!! that has ever happened in the whole world over all of written history, and we should all be talking about it for forever, otherwise you're helping the inhuman enemy!!!

things are already fucked so theirs no point in trying to get enough votes.

things will be fine and ok if nothing changes and we just keep on this projected path forward.

i know so much and am so smart and I've solved political discourse and if only everyone listened to me we would have world peace already.

Taylor Swift is a wlw

things I am saying. now. here. at the end of the post:

be kind. go look at the sky. i love you <3

[mrowmrowmrow9]

Godspeed with having no wifi, soldier. I wish you luck. If I had to go two weeks without my nature documentaries I would be devastated.

Also why won’t you have wifi, if you don’t mind me asking?

It was voluntary, believe it or not 😂

It's something I try to do about once a year. I was staying somewhere else on a kind of mini vacation where the wifi already didn't work, and I wanted to take the opportunity to put away my phone and laptop and just take a break from social media and the internet. I mostly passed the time walking around, reading literally a book a day, buying more books, handwriting in my notebook and playing the piano. It was actually really nice to be able to focus on those things for a little bit. Highly recommend!

[destinyc1020]

hi Destiny - do you have any tips on taking a fandom social media break? I get very 'twitchy' when I try to go even half a day without checking on tumblr - and with recent 'drama' I figure now is a good time to start practicing taking some time away! if anyone has tips, i'd love that <3

Well, for me I just tell myself I'm not going on the app that day (or week) ROTFL 😅🤣

You could do what Tom does and just delete the app lol.

If you're finding it hard to not check the app even for half a day, that sounds like an addiction to me. 👀

Maybe set up an app timer on your phone?? You can either go cold turkey and just delete the app from your phone completely for that day (or however long you want to take the break), and then reinstall it again when you're done. OR, you could set an app timer on your cell phone and just limit your usage of the Tumblr app to an hour a day, and then 30 mins a day, and then drop it down to 15 mins a day, until you just don't go on it at all. Honestly? I always feel a LOT BETTER when I take a few days off of social media. I feel a lot more connected to my outer world, my friends, my family, etc., and I feel more positive. 🥰

It's nice to get rid of social media and have a "Digital Detox" day (or week) every once in a while. I find that it's great for my psyche, and I feel more PRESENT in the moment. I love it. 🥰

I highly recommend it!

[modernmonkeymind]

We all want to be entertained, distracted from our lives. There's nothing wrong with a Netflix or YouTube binge, but perhaps its not so great that its become the default for us, or at least for me. Don’t get me wrong, I love me some TV, but watching the crew of the Discovery getting themselves into trouble, or the Click (wholesome though he is) making jokes about goofy memes doesn’t actually accomplish anything, and it takes time that could be used in more fulfilling ways.

Social media can be a great resource, and a serious distraction. I decided to back away from social media almost entirely once I realized I was letting people I didn't know piss me off, especially when I wasn't going to change their mind (hello Dunning-Krueger, didn't see you over there).

To challenge myself and get my head on straight, I'm embracing Cal Newport's Digital Detox for March, eliminating social media and all streaming video. I'm letting myself have access to a limited number of sites, primarily 84000, Suttacentral, and the Storygraph. I'm also planning to post to Mastadon twice a day (a poem and 3 good things), and Tumblr. I'm not restricting podcasts, audio books or music. I'll be using Basecamp, Meetup, and Zoom for personal development and to keep commitments I've made. I'm planning to revert my phone to something akin to what Steve Jobs originally intended, a sort of smart dumb phone that can make calls, texts, access messaging apps, maps, the app for my smart scale, One Bus Away, Streaks, audio, YNAB & my bank, and thats about it. In other words I'm making my phone a tool again. The question of course, becomes what to do without access to technological pacifiers. The answer really is most anything that doesn’t require a computer or smartphone, but some of my favorites these days include:

Meditation: I've been practicing based on the teachings of the Nalandabodhi, and Shambhala lineages recently and plan to meditate for seven minutes in the morning and/or evening, in addition to short sessions sporadically throughout the day. I'll also be single tasking for the most part, using activities like reading, walking, reading/composing poetry, and painting, as meditative practices.

Yoga: I got into yoga asana because I was stiff and not very grounded, and I decided to train to teach for similar reasons, since yoga is so pigeon holed as something only bendy acrobats can do. I've not gotten on the mat in a few years at this point, but want to get back to it, inspired by my teacher starting to teach again earlier this week after an extended health crisis. I'm planning to just do a couple minutes to start, probably just Sun Salutations/playing around.

Walk: A great form of exercise most anyone can do, and it doesn’t have to cost a thing as long as you have a decent pair of shoes and appropriate clothes for the weather. I've been taking daily walks more regularly recently, but most of the time this is a bookstore circuit that leads to lots of temptation. Going forward I'm planning to walk more in nature and go to libraries instead. I'm setting a 12k goal in Streaks, and shooting for 20k. I've already been hitting in this range most days which has helped with some serious weight loss.

Read: I’ve always got a couple books going. At the moment the list includes a commentary on the 37 Practices of a Bodhisattva, and Donut Economics by Kate Raworth. Books are magical things. You can learn most anything you might be interested in (I highly recommend Raworth's book), you can learn about another person’s experience of life in their own words (Montaigne basically invented the personal blog before the internet or computers were a thing when he thought up the essay format). You can also exercise your imagination and relax with a good novel (the human imagination has one solid advantage over TV & movies in that it isn’t restricted by a budget!) The plan is to dial back and do my best to only read one or two books at a time instead of the four or five I've usually got going. I'm also planning to read more poetry after my interest was reignited by Sister Jina's wonderful collection, which leads to the next item.

Write: Mostly when I say write I'm thinking of journaling and composing poetry by hand. I'm shooting for spending some time every day writing, but not worrying about getting a polished poem at the end. Just fifteen minutes of concentrated work.

Paint: I've taken a couple classes on watercolor and messed around a bit with acrylics. I'd like to spend some time each day painting, actually focused on having something to show for it each time, though that could be childish goofing around. I'd like to take a shot at using acrylics to recreate ukiyoe, get inspired by Zen/Chan watercolors, and take a shot at Sumie, though I definitely want to take a class in the latter at some point sooner than later!

PLAYING WITH MY CAT: Do I need to explain?

NOTHING: Seriously, we've become so obsessed with "productivity" and "getting things done" that as a culture its as if we've forgotten what it is to be alive as a human being. I'm going to try to do this more often, whether standing in line, walking somewhere, or just having nothing in particular to do.

I'm not expecting March to be easy, but thats kind of the point. I'm getting rid of some things I enjoy , but the fact that something isn't easy just means its more worth doing. I'll be journaling about it, and plan to post here once a week.

[viragosoul]

HUH YUNJIN  22  FEMALE  SHE / HER — ; where do you get your inspiration, SONG SIYEON ? you’re so OUTSPOKEN, i can’t help but think of BLASTING MUSIC AT 3AM, THE LINGERING SMELL OF SUNSCREEN, BROKEN CLAY SPREAD ACROSS THE FLOOR when i hear your name. your friends tell me you can be DELUSIONAL sometimes . i guess it’s understandable given the circumstances . besides , i can’t even imagine how stressful SCULPTOR classes must be — not to mention you’re also in THE RED AND GREEN CLUB & SODALITES ! you’re a NEWCOMER , right ? yeah , i thought so . either way , welcome to mugunghwa !  ( rouge , 21+ , cst )

hello friends ♡ i’m rouge and i’m v excited to be here to bring you this bullheaded woman named song siyeon! she’s still relatively new and doesn’t rly know what’s going on, but that’s okay b/c she’s just here to prove herself 💪 anywho i have her profile and personality page set up, but under the cut i’ll have more info on her background and maybe even some half-baked plots if we’re lucky! please like this post to plot or add me on discord at saturnian charm#3118 which is highly preferred over tumblr ims! i’m super stoked to write with you all!

there’s nothing much to note of her background: she was born in seoul to a well off family as the miracle child after many fertility issues. mother was a professor turned stay at home mom, and her father is a politician, although a highly controversial / disliked one. her grandparents on her mother’s side are known art aficionados within the seoul scene. due to being the only child, she was pretty much your typical spoiled golden spoon baby.

deemed gifted with art at a very young age, and because her skills brought esteem to the song name, her parents decided to cultivate it and throw the best of whatever money could buy: tutors/mentors, supplies, schooling, experiences, whatever was recommended and whatever she asked for was gotten. in return, she was constantly put into art competitions “for her benefit” in her parents terms, but in hindsight it was obviously just for the attention ⏤ and didn’t start off too hot. anything that wasn’t top three was a failure

high school was ... alright. that’s when her father started becoming more controversial, and every time she started to win a competition her name was always attached to his, which caused her to be less socially accepted with her non-artistic peers ⏤ and even some of the artistic ones as well, thinking that she only won due to her family name. and in her eyes, there were only two ways of dealing with this: fall into despair and feel sorry for herself, or fight it. don’t give a damn and prove them wrong by working hard at her craft. and so, she does. and tbh ... this is probably whenever she reaches full menace status too LOL.

reaches out a sculptor that she admires via social media, and after meeting up at her exhibits siyeon becomes her mentee during her third year in high school. during breaks she travels abroad to where she lives in paris and hones her craft under her knowledge. does a lot of growing up during this time too.

after high school, she flies to paris after an argument with her parents regarding her future and decides to wing it. but actually living in a place abroad is much different from visiting, and culture shock hits her hard; she’s about to give up probably 4 weeks in until her mentor finds her, and instead siyeon spends that time under her tutelage while in art school. doesn’t reconnect with her parents ( especially since her father’s views get much worse while she’s away ) and instead contacts her grandparents more instead.

her grandparents talk about coming home and going to mugunghwa, as her grandpa has invested within the school, but she says no. however, when she meets minjun and finds out that he goes to to the same school, siyeon takes that as a sign and uproots her life to transfer there instead.

and yeah, that brings us to here and now! except now she’s single LMAO

okay so i actually lied and i don’t have plots here because the above took a lot out of me but i promise i love brainstorming so please don’t be afraid to hit me up! ♡ 

[jourdynarmstrong]

I enjoyed listening to Max Strossel talk and reading Emma Rathbone’s article. Max offered a lot of insight into how much social media controls us. I really liked when he said “Are we using social media or is social media using us?” It is crazy, and kind of scary, to think of it from that perspective. Rathbone’s article was just fun! Each of the different examples of silly things to do “before the internet”. It took me back to when I was younger. You had to use your imagination and be creative to entertain yourself. It seems so much more rewarding that way.

I think these two sources were meant to be eye-openers about the effect of social media. But, it wasn’t very eye-opening to me. I started figuring these things out on my own about 9 months ago. I was never a social media junkie but I found myself scrolling through Instagram to see the reels (I never jumped on the tik tok band wagon) or refreshing Snapchat to watch people’s stories and I got sick of it. One day, without hesitation, I deleted Instagram and Snapchat. I haven’t gone back. I still have Facebook so that I can stay “relevant” and keep up with family and friends through that app. But, I set my time limit to one hour a day. Sometimes I go over that on days that seem to drag on, but for the most part I try to stick to that limit and stay away from social media as much as possible. It has been refreshing. I read more, and I’m more focused on school, work, and relationships. I feel like I have grown a lot as a person since I deleted those apps, and I’m not just saying that. It is very true.

About a year and a half ago (while I still had Instagram and Snapchat), I travelled to Belgium with my boyfriends family for two weeks. None of us had cell service while there unless we were “home” and connected to WiFi. It was awesome! We talked a lot and spent a lot of quality time together. Again, it was refreshing. Social media wasn’t even an option and we had so much fun. We played games. It was like being a kid again, unaffected, “before the internet”. I’ll share a picture of my boyfriend and his brothers pulling their Grandpa on a rope swing. We all took turns and did this for hours with people ranging from under ten years old to their Grandpa in his 60’s. It was so much fun and I don’t think any of us were even thinking about our phones. We just enjoyed the moment. This is a very fond memory from that trip!

I would say that I have already done things to be more intentional about my social media use. I could definitely still use it less than I do (I’m talking about Facebook), but I am pretty happy with where I am at. Facebook is still social media, but I keep up with people that don’t use other social media and I find a lot of useful information there like articles or job information. I am very glad that I deleted the other apps. I spend my time much more efficiently now. At times when I would usually scroll Instagram, I pull out a book or do homework, or go outside, or play games with friends and family. All things that are much more captivating and rewarding to spend my time doing. I highly recommend it!!!😀

[militaryveteransworldwide]

Military Veterans Worldwide Veteran-Owned Business: 3 Effective IM Techniques to Increase Sales

This is a preview of my free newsletter, "Military Veterans Worldwide Veteran-Owned Business." You can sign up here: https://militaryveteransworldwide.club.

There really isn't much difference between starting a business for civilians than it is for veterans. Unless you plan to become a government contractor, most of the tasks you will do in your business will be the same. Often you will have the advantage of having a network of fellow veterans you can connect to in order to ask for help. You'll also have access to resources that civilians don't. Veterans in other countries may not have that option. That's why it's crucial we connect with veterans across the world to help one another.

When starting your business, regardless of what type of business it is, I highly recommend you take the time to build an email list. If you own a website, the likelihood of visitors returning is only about two percent. An email list gives you an asset you own, and it allows you to build a relationship with those on your list so that they will buy from you.

No matter how great your product or list, it won't make any difference if you don't market. Marketing allows you to get your products or services in the hands of those who want to buy what you have to sell.

Each week you'll receive the resources you need in this newsletter to help you build your business and make more money. These resources are taken from my newsletter, "Life Hacking Secrets for Business." On occasion, when I find stories I think are relevant to veterans, I'll share those with you. Enjoy!

Starting a t-shirt business can help you start a business you can run in just a few hours a week. It is an easy to scale business, and once you set it up, the only thing you have to do is market and handle customer service. You can get started for free with this free report and course. Download today to get started: https://milvetswrldwde.gumroad.com/l/tshirt-profits-made-easy.

Articles What is Email Marketing? - Neil Patel An email list is the most valuable asset you can have in your business whether you're an affiliate or you sell your own products or services. This is an asset you own, so even if you lose your social media, you still have a way to market to those you build a relationship with. Internet marketing legend Neil Patel will show you how to get started with email marketing so you get it right.

https://neilpatel.com/blog/beginners-guide-email-marketing/

Amazon allows you to sell your t-shirt designs on the site for free. Set up your designs and Amazon will do the rest. Here's how to get started. You can download the free course and ebook today and start your Amazon Merch business for free. Click here now: https://milvetswrldwde.gumroad.com/l/merch-mastery-made-easy

If My Company Is New To Video And I Can Only Make One Video, What Should It Be? Although you will want to create more than one video to keep your visitors coming back to your YouTube channel, you need a starting point. Here is how you get started with video marketing by determining your goals for your video and how to get started creating videos your audience will want to engage with.

https://storyboardmedia.co/insights/vmu-if-my-company-is-new-to-video-and-i-can-only-make-one-video-what-should-it-be/

What is a Social Media Campaign? How to Increase Social Sales Social media marketing is a great way to market online because you can market in a way that's completely free. The problem is that it can be time-consuming, and if you get addicted to the social media sites you're marketing on, you'll waste a lot of time doom scrolling. Discover how to build your first social media marketing campaign. Engage with your visitors. Stay away from the doom scrolling!

https://www.bigcommerce.com/glossary/social-media-campaign/

Not every veteran has PTSD. For the ones that do, there is healing and hope. Don't go it alone. This free guide contains 10 different resources to help you heal and deal with your PTSD for good. Click here to get started: https://milvetswrldwde.gumroad.com/l/ptsd-resources-for-veterans.

Video News High Ticket Affiliate Marketing: From Zero to $1,347 in Just 24 Hours as a Beginner If you are just starting off online, you may not have a lot of money to get started. There are plenty of ways to make money online, but the easiest way to get started is with affiliate marketing. Affiliate marketing doesn't require you to create a product or perform customer service. High ticket affiliate marketing is even better because you don't have to make a lot of sales in order to make a lot of money. This video will help you get started learning about affiliate marketing.

Wrap Up I hope this week's newsletter helped you understand the importance of these internet marketing techniques. Maybe you even tried your hand at affiliate marketing. The most important recommendation I can make here is to build your veteran-owned business on a solid foundation. Build a simple website to capture leads. Drive traffic to that site with videos and social media marketing. Email your list regularly with a combination of content and offers. Build relationships. Then it becomes easy to make sales.

Look for more tips and strategies to help you build an effective business in the next issue. I'll also share how I constructed my websites and why to help you create websites that effectively sell your products or services and build your list. Until next time!

This newsletter is published on Thursdays.

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor. The information in this newsletter and on my site is for informational purposes only. I aim to provide you with the best possible information to help you make informed decisions. I would recommend that before beginning any program you have a checkup to determine the status of your health and that you discuss any concerns you may have with a medical professional. If you have any questions or need support, please contact me through my site: https://militaryveteransworldwide.club/contact-us/.

This newsletter may also contain affiliate links. The sale of the programs provided is designed to help support my work. You are under no obligation to purchase anything.

[arckhaic]

my guy may I ask for your advice. I want to stay up and drown myself in words tonight but I have to go to school tomorrow and copy flat, boring tales off the page. I am trying to cultivate a better work ethic but I get stuck in the always-new world of social media. lend me your words please, for I always seem to understand them (don't have to answer if you don't want to)

my friend, my advice would be to stop using social media. 

there is nothing new happening on social media. never. nothing ever happens on here, we just think there is. there is no news, the world won’t end if you log off. i recommend at least three days — a week or two if you can, a month if you want. i say three days because that’s when you start really feeling like you can do without, the first two days are just teaching yourself to do something else. 

i did that this last week and let me tell you, i feel so much better. there are plenty of things you can read about the negative effects of social media, how it makes you feel lonelier, how it isolates you, how the bombardment of negativity does more to you than you realize. ( each homegrown, tumblr’s hate is different than twitter’s hate but in the end — it’s all hate. it’s all sadness. it’s all just things you really can do without. ) 

you don’t have to be stuck. i removed all my bookmarks, i uninstalled all the apps. with every impulse i had to get online ( which only happened when i didn’t have a creative stimulus. ) i would grab my journal and just write. some pages i just wrote bad words over and over again, other pages i just scribbled so hard i ripped it, sometimes i just would fill the page with i don’t know in huge looping letters. 

fill the void with something else. if you get the urge to get online, go outside. immediately find your pet and talk to them. open up a book and read one page. get out your book, write a poem even if it’s just copying one down. you would be surprised how much time you have to work when you’re not on social media. 

if you use your phone as a distraction from the hell you’re in, turn it on airplane mode. download a solitaire app. open up notes and scream type into it. i did this, i had a really hard with disengaging with social media because i used it as a crutch for distracting either anxiety or depressive thoughts. and that first day, i was just in hell. and then the week went on & i wasn’t reading about how the world was ending and life is horrible — i felt better. 

turns out, it was just making me more anxious & depressed. go figure. 

the hell will pass. everything is temporary. 

& with those flat boring tales, turn the pager over and write out the words you have. in math class, i would just write poetry. i would draw so much on my paper that when teachers said do not draw on this, they were specifically talking to me. ( and i ignored them. any class was art class if i wanted it to be. ) if a class isn’t engaging you, engage yourself. ( i mean … i was also an awful student. so take everything i say with a grain of salt. ) 

or, learn how to love those boring words. if it’s from your textbook, think of it as research for a story. what kind of story would you write with this information? what kind of person would really get into this? how could you write a poem with this? ( get out a different colored pen and find a poem, underline the words. your teacher will just think you’re taking notes — not creating art. ) 

collect the words, learn them, know them, understand them. they’re power, my friend, and you should learn how to use them and they can’t ever be used against you. we’re writers, we need to learn how our power works before we can wield it. 

[frostironfudge]

I Think I Met You In My Dreams Once - Bucky Barnes - Fourteen

Summary: After receiving an honourable discharge from his military service that was caused by the loss of his arm, James Barnes begins to come to terms with several things. He also finds solace in youtube videos, memes and on social media, where he happens to find you.

Pairing: Ex-Military!Bucky Barnes x Fem! Plus Size!Reader (Modern AU)

Chapter Warnings: angst, swearing, hurt/comfort, smut (not as graphic), longing

Word Count: 6.5k || Dividers: @firefly-graphics

Fic Masterlist || Main Masterlist || AO3 || Fic Playlist

Chapter Thirteen || Epilogue

Quick A.N: i mention a song in one section, highly recommend hearing it while reading that section.

“Bucky, have you told her yet?” Winnie’s voice pulls him back into reality. Always spacing out when the question was pondered upon. 

Steve and Sam had been on his case, arguing that he should stay back, opt for an online appearance. 

He, himself on the other hand, did not want to leave. However the legal counsel advised for an in-person appearance. 

It had been five days, Peter was home and acclimating back into New York City. He kept sending Bucky messages and pictures with Morgan. 

Bucky was on schedule four days a week for New York work time and the remaining three were spent with you on the local timezone. Something he was addicted to, something he didn’t think he could give up. Something he didn’t want to let go of just for a brief time he would come back again, Christmas was around the corner. 

“I don’t know, Ma. I need to decide what I want to do before I tell her the options.” He sighs, running his hand through his hair. 

“You need to tell her young man, when do you have to be on the flight? If you chose that.” She raises a brow and Alpine meows, then jumps into her lap. 

Bucky coos at her, Alpine looks at him. Then turns away still pissed off. 

“Oh come on now, Al.” He huffs, “I’m sorry.” That only prompts the feline to clamber up his mother’s arm and rest on her shoulder.

She stares at him as she snuggles into Winnie. 

“Oh you know what you’re doing don’t you?” He narrows his eyes, Alpine was intuitive knowing this is how she always cuddled up with him. 

Winnie chuckles, “She misses you. Yesterday she wouldn’t leave your room. Placed her bowls in there only then did she eat.” 

“I miss her too, I just, now that I know what it is to have her? I don’t want to leave in five days as opposed to the five weeks I originally planned. The whole four day work week is working out but I know me not being there impacts my team and me now being here impacts my personal life.” He admits, “But I don’t want to disappoint on the work end, this case we need to put them behind bars, even if Beck gets to walk almost scot free. I, I can’t allow that not after the way he threatened my doll.” Bucky’s fist clenches, mouth setting into a grimace.

Winnies gaze softens, “I know it is difficult even entertaining the thought. I, I see how the light and life in back in your eyes, as if Y/N helped you reignite the spark. I’m grateful for her to chose to be in your life Bucky. I truly am and watching the two of you fall in love? Watching her accept you? I don’t have words for the joy I feel seeing my son truly happy again. I know you will figure it out and she is protected by the law as well.” 

Bucky’s eyes tear up, he blinks trying not to cry at her words. He knows how much of a shell he had become, then how he started feeling as himself but it was never fully him. Never fully the man he was, you came along then, pushing him to work on himself. To be better for himself, before he could be better for you.

“I know one thing, whatever you chose to do, she is going to support you. You both have had the long distance thing figure out. I know three weeks of being together and then reverting will be difficult but I know you both can do it.” Winnie gives him a small smile.

Bucky looks to the polaroid of the two of you he placed in a frame on his desk, attempting to make the hotel room a little homely. he sighs, eyes shifting back to his mother.

“What if I don’t want to though?” He murmurs.

“Talk to her.” Winnie offers yet again. Bucky nods, his email notification lights up, “I have to get back to this thing from work, thank you.” 

“You don’t have to thank me, my dear. It is what mums do, now get to work so you can then speak to her.” Winnie gives him a smile and makes Alpine wave at Bucky which draws a laugh from both as she looks at him with minor anger.

The call ends and before he gets back to work he texts on his group chat with Steve and Sam.

Bucky: i still have no idea what to do.

Steve: I think you should come back

Sam: I agree, honestly

Bucky’s brows furrow, what the fuck?

Bucky: what changed your very eager opinions in an hour?

Steve: well we thought about it and well… this is a whole ass legal thing

Sam: yeah what if you don’t come back for this case and then you’re forced to come back?

Steve: it’s better to make the choice now rather than be forced ya know?

Bucky: fuck man

Sam: look as much as we love you being there and not being Mr. Grumpy, we’re thinking long term consequences.

Steve: did you want to stay Buck? Because look they wouldn’t say come down here if it could be handled with you from there. 

Bucky: i do want to stay here… i don’t think i can do long distance anymore, not after, not after knowing how it is to be with her, to come back home to her, to hold her hand, to have her warmth, to hear her laugh without it being cut off because of shitty wifi, to have my clothes not fade of her scent so easily

Steve: he’s in love

Sam: so that paragraph makes you think he’s in love but not all the other stuff? Steve my man…i have concerns 

Bucky: there is a reason he doesn’t do well on observational games, lol, remember that time in high school when his crush was dropping the most obvious hints of reciprocal feelings?

Sam:😂😂😂😂 and our man here just furrowed his brows in confusion and realised it after years and years that ‘oh shit that was a crush liking him back’

Bucky: 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Steve: 🖕🖕🖕🖕to the both of you.

Bucky chuckles tucking his phone back, they aren’t wrong, in thinking long term. He would tell you today, it was his last work day for this week so he could speak to you with ease.

Bucky could also spend the remaining days without interruption with you. 

The university day was droning on until your cohort of students were ushered into the auditorium. A few teachers and the Dean stood on the stage near the podium a projector screen set up. 

The lights are shut off, and the presentation begins, you and Nat exchange a wary glance at the tense environment before turning to pay attention.

“So essentially we want to pick out 50% of you to try remote learning.” The dean finishes the presentation. The lights switch on and a murmur breaks out across the class. 

“For how long will this be?” Natasha enquires above the volume, you both were in the third row so it was easier to be heard even with yelling. 

“For about three months.” The answer is given by the ethics professor who looks bored beyond compare. 

“What of the grades?” You murmur, “If those slip they aren’t going to care are they?” 

Nat shakes her head, “What about our academic performances?” 

The Dean sighs, “The board has decided that if your academics dwindle then you will be allowed three extra credit assignments to cover up your loss, if you however tank those we will not help you beyond that, we will however take into consideration past performance and could have the grade calculated.”

Another sound waves of panicked murmurs swirl across the classroom. 

“We give you until tomorrow to give us an answer. If we get the half batch willingly recruited good otherwise we’ll have to draw names from a hat.” The professor announces.  

You shake your head, looking over at Nat. 

“Are you considering it?” She raises a brow, you shrug. 

It would give you more time with Bucky. Also, you could stay to help your mum through the entire separation, meet her a little more often. The day could be more productive in matters of a more personal nature. 

Their divorce was declared the day your father returned from his trip three days after the arrests.  Natasha’s mom’s lawyer was recruited and to prevent public fall out they have decided to do an out of court settlement of assets and then sign the papers in court. 

“Are you?” She looks at you, as though peering into your soul. 

You blink several times, the intensity of her gaze makes you want to look away but also you hold her gaze. Her hand shoots up, your brain catches up to your best friend’s, your braincells finally in sync. 

“Nat.” You try to pull her hand down realising she’s making an impromptu decision, now she raises both of your hands up with a grin.

“We’d like to sign up.” She announces. 

“Wonderful, Natasha Romanoff and Y/N Y/L/N.” The professor notes it down in her book. 

You glare at Natasha, she gives an innocent look.  

“You and I both know you need this online thing more than anyone.” Her green eyes soften. 

“It would help plus its only four hours a day… I mean with their separation and me choosing to move out instead of picking sides… and Bucky did say he was going to stay back for another three weeks or so…” 

“See it’s a win win.” She grins, you shake your head. 

“You just will get to nap more.” You chuckle. 

“That is the ideal life. All I want is multiple naps while work occurs and I know I can be optimal with 17 hour sleep days.” She raises a finger as if to block out the incoming sarcastic quip from you. 

“You’re a sloth.” You giggle, “You aren’t a spider you’re a sloth.” 

She huffs then wraps her arms around you clinging onto you, “Sloth Natasha on Y/N.” She giggles too and you join her. 

“So when’s the out of court settlement meeting?” She enquires, your lips press into a thin line,

“Three days later.” You say grimly, this was inevitable but part of you hoped your father would have picked your mother and you over his mistress.

“Have you told Bucky? I’m sure he’d attend with you.” She sighs as you shake your head. 

“I’m not going either… mum and dad can get ugly and I have enough of their marriage trauma than to attend their divorce.” A shiver clambers up your spine at the thought. 

“True, know what, I’m going to meet up with a few friends so Bucky and you can have the place to yourselves.” She offers, you narrow your eyes. 

“Why—,”

She just gives you a pointed look and then your skin begins to heat. 

“That is why.” You say understanding. 

“Yes my little innocent flower.” She teases, offering her hand as you both make your way to the parking area. 

You pause spying a familiar car, Nat follows your gaze her mouth set into a scowl.

“What does he want?” She mutters, you shrug. Walking towards the car as he steps out. 

Natasha stands across, pretending to type away on her phone but actually recording. 

Your father leans against the door, taking out his pack of cigarettes. Removing one, 

“You cannot smoke on university premises.” You say to him, he huffs. 

“Sir you cannot smoke here.” The security guard approaches,

“Is it lit?” You father questions, the security guard shakes his head

“You cannot carry these substances on premises. It is fined.” The guard explains your dad sets the pack away, the guard leaves. 

“What brings you here?” You cross your arms, looking at him. 

“Just wanted to ask you for a favour.” He shrugs, looking to the side then back at you, “I want you to warn your mother. She may take her properties but I’ll drive the tenants out, no source of income.” 

“Why don’t you reserve these things for the meeting?” You raise a brow, someone shifts in the car. You scoff. 

“Have you no respext left for me that you bring her here?” You look back at him. 

“Respect? Sweetheart your little picking sides and not choosing your dad shows your disrespect, allowing your excuse of a man, boyfriend to hit your own father is disrespect.” He seethes. 

“I haven’t picked sides. You forced this, with every goddamn hit, every goddamn verbal insult you drew a wedge between our family. I look at you and all i see is the turmoil, the pain. I look at you and all i remember is the drives, the secret ice creams. You did this, not mom, not me.” You jab a finger to his chest. 

“You ungrateful—, you aren’t getting a penny apart from the next semester fees.” He declares. 

You scoff, “Alright, I’d like my various competition prize money accumulated over the years deposited into my new account. I’ll email you the details. I think last we spoke that fixed deposit was now 200k?” 

You unlock  your phone and send him the details. His phone chimes causing his anger to flare. 

“You’re as money hungry—,” he begins,

“As your whore?” You counter with a smile. 

His hand raises and he steps towards you and then pauses, setting his hand down, forming a fist. You stare up at him defiantly not backing down. 

“Have you still not learned? Maybe you won’t. I feel sorry for you that you’ve lost your family, in-fact I feel sorry for us, I feel sorry for the ten year old little girl whose life changed for the worst when you showed her how horrible a marriage can be. You don’t need to give me the money, I do not care for it, I’ll work hard to make my own. You’re the one who has to live with the consequences of his actions.” You turn away not wanting to say more.

Natasha unlocks the car, the drive to Bucky’s hotel is silent. She sent the video to her mother. 

You take deep breaths while walking up the lobby steps. 

When Bucky opens his door, the dam you built breaks. You lose all resolve and just wrap him in your arms and hideaway in his presence. 

Bucky guides you inside, you both sink on the couch as you blubber out everything that happened. 

His arms tighten around you, his pending decision over what would he do to your father is being set into place. 

Bucky’s lips don’t leave your skin;

offering his assurance against your shoulders,

offering his love along the column of your neck. 

offering himself as he pulls you closer. 

You hold each other close, as your clothes fall to the floor. 

Skin to skin, chest to chest. 

His lips offer a safe haven, mirth, even blissful ruin in the best way as they swallow your sounds and etch his own need onto your own. 

The two of you take each other apart, then piece each other back together.

A world between the two of you, as you both curl up together basking in the warm afterglow. Bucky traces over your skin softly, you do the same for the freckles over his chest. 

Bucky swallows as his throat tries to form the words about the upcoming goodbye. 

Your breath fans across his sternum, the way his body stiffens you know something is on his mind. 

“What, what is on your mind?” You look up at him. Blue eyes widen and then he winces not knowing how to say the words. Your eyes close, shoulders sagging. 

“When do you have to leave?” You look back at him cupping his face. 

“H-how?” He murmurs, baffled. 

“I had an inkling that the case may require an in person appearance from you.” You sigh, but kiss his cheek.

“I don’t want to go in five days.” He admits, closing his eyes, pain taking over his features. 

“I don’t want you to go either, but you need to…”

“Doll…, I’m sorry to put this on you, with everything.” His lips find your forehead.

“We can do it, we can, we did it once and well, we can again.” You assure, internally your heart feels like breaking.

“Look, the trial will take ten days. I need another few to just catch up with things there and Christmas hits so I’ll be back.” Bucky assures, grasping your hand like a lifeline, hoping praying this doesn’t lead to something heartbreaking. 

“I know, it’s just two weeks away from you.” You nod, grasping his hand with both of yours, “Bucky I love you, I love you across distances of oceans, I love you when you’re right next to me and even ten minutes away.” 

Bucky’s eyes dampen, he says nothing choosing to place a searing kiss to your lips, drowning away the ticking clock. Only letting you be the beacon of light for him. 

His hold on you is tight, as if he doesn’t want to let go. Your grip keeps him close, not wanting to let him leave.

Day One.

You look at the email from university about the orientation on Monday, tucking it away when Bucky walks in holding bags from the quaint coffee shop. Boxes litter the living room. 

Packing up twenty seven years of your mother’s marriage and the memories you held in this house. 

“I thought strawberry tarts should uplift the mood.” Bucky takes out a box and hands it to your mother who smiles at him.

“My favourites.” She smiles and tucks into the treat. 

Bucky gazes at you, you look away, not sure how to tell him about shifting the plans to online. You bite your tongue.

“I’m going to do a final sweep of my room.” You announce, moving away.

Bucky lets out a sigh, things had not changed between the two of you. Though he could sense the sadness beginning to linger and latch onto the two of you and weaselling its way between the spaces where you held each other.

Bucky: I told her, it is fucking hard, she knew before I could even get to the topic.

Sam: I’m sorry, I hope you can get back to her soon

Steve: I do too. She loves you Buck, of course she can pick up on what you want to say wordlessly.

Bucky signs, smiling then for the sake of your mother. You both had told her but not your father. Bucky had insisted, deeply insisted not to let him know, he didn’t trust that man. He watches the door of your room as he guides the movers to start loading the boxes into the elevator

Your phone chimes again, your bank account balance multiplied. The transfer from your father. Your brows furrow, he sends a message as well.

Dad: this is what i have decided to give to you, it includes all those prize money winnings from your science projects and other ventures.

You: thank you.

Dad: use this money for yourself, not for other bullshit things, or for your mother.

You sigh, one minute it feels as though he may improve, the next he’s back to whatever category of monster he is awarded.

Dad: I’m sorry.

<this message is deleted>

Dad: I’m sorry about everything I caused you to witness. I was not exactly father of the year for many years, I can see why you chose someone as James to be your partner. What he did that night was right, though disrespectful. I’m proud of you.

You screenshot before it gets deleted, which it does. Tucking away your phone Bucky knocks on the door. You open it and he looks solemn as his gaze moves around the empty room.

Dad: your mother, inform her that she should leave the keys with the security.

“I haven’t been here long but I miss it.” He steps by your side, hand intertwining with yours, your head rests on his shoulder. 

“I’m glad we made memories here.” You smile, Bucky’s cheeks tinge pink.

“Oh we made a lot of them here.” He chuckles, admiring where the desk was, where you both made a blanket fort and stayed snuggled up.

You take a final glance, Bucky’s hand in yours as you all leave the apartment once and for all.

The remainder of the day the two of you set up your mom’s apartment, the one on her name without an active tenant. You share take out, set up her necessities, Bucky makes sure to have her wifi be top notch and calls in a friend he made at the wifi company he liked here.

Bucky drops you off to Nat’s, his hands and lips linger as do yours, one more touch, one more kiss, one more inhale, one more exhale. 

Day Two.

Bucky runs a tired hand over his face, New York had an emergency for the code, apparently the app launch was crashing horribly. He looks at you surrounded by the books from the bookstore date he took you on earlier, grinning happily and even freaking out over him finding the annotation tabs you wanted. Bucky loved being peppered by the kisses from you.

The emergency was eating into the major portion of your day together. You didn’t complain but gave him space to do his thing peacefully. Being here near him was enough.

You’re catching up on the memes in the group chat with Nat, Bucky, Sam and Steve. When you’re notified for another text thread.

Steve: How are you holding up?

Me: I'm okayish…

Nat: objection, a lie is being spoken

Me: alrighty, I’m mis-fucking-erable.

Sam: man, i really wish i could do something to help you guys out

Steve: same, just wish there was something we could do

Me: do you have a hyper-realistic face mask of bucky and a wig of his hair? 

Sam: you want us to do illegal shit

Steve: how will we replicate his deep baritone?

Nat: Say you have a cough?

Sam: Nat.

Steve: I could deck, Beck on his behalf?

Sam: same

Steve: i just wish you could come along with him some way

Your eyes widen, you can, you can do that, you sit up, grabbing your own laptop eagerly but not eager enough that Bucky tries to ask you.

You pull up the chat with your mother.

You: mom, mom, MOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM!

You: MOTHER THIS IS URGENT, PICK UP YOUR TELEPHONIC DEVICE.

Mom: what????????? Are u okay? Did something happen?

You: yes i’m fine, did, did my passport ever come in last week? With the visa?

Mom: Wait, oh god, I forgot to tell you! With all of the events! You did, baby you can travel to the USA.

You hold the squeal back, going back to the group chat.

You: Can you send me Bucky’s ticket?

Sam: you don’t have it? 

You: he didn’t give it to me…

Steve: <attached James Barnes E-ticket.pdf>

Steve: What happened?

Nat: Oh my god. Y/N, are you serious?!

Sam: Can someone explain?

Steve: yes please explain

You move to your laptop, opening the tab and finding the flight, its on the pricier side but there is a seat, its right next to Bucky’s 21A, you take it frantically typing in your details and card information. You book a refundable ticket as well for your return to not have issues at immigration.

You send the pdf of your ticket to your Mom, and the group chat careful to not let Bucky receive it.

You: do not utter a word to him. I’m going to surprise him on the plane.

Sam: I am sworn to secrecy only if you defeat him in UNO in front of my beautiful eyes as witness.

Steve: Oh my god, we’re finally going to meet!

Nat: <inserts happy tears gif>

You: I will Sam, I will. I’m excited to meet you too Steve!

Steve: This is going to be amazing, please record his reaction if possible.

You: I’ll try, why do i feel like crying?

Sam: cause you’re full of happiness

Steve: I fuckin love you for doing this for Bucky.

You: I love you too Steve

Nat: YOU NEED TO STEALTH PACK.

“Doll?” Bucky inquires, you shut the laptop lid and throw your phone to the side.

“Y-yeah?” You look up at his worried gaze.

“What?” His gaze shifts to the devices.

“Nat sent some x rated gif.” You panic blurt, internally groan.

“Oh, um, okay, I um, I’m done, you want to have food now?” He scratches the back of his neck.

“Yeah, sure, then after I can show you what was the gif about…” You trail off his eyes, move to your lips, then your eyes, his gaze darkening with lust.

“Oh yeah, it did involve my mouth and your–,” Your comment is cut off, Bucky kneels on the bed, leaning over you, cutting you off with a very, very greedy kiss.

Night Three.

Nat had kept you out with an impromptu shopping trip to distract you from the ongoing divorce meeting of your parents. You sighed, as you entered the quiet house, placing the bags in the living room.

“Oh shoot, I have to meet Yelena and Co. at the Prix Club.” Nat shakes her head, then has an apology in her eyes. 

“It’s okay, Bucky asked me anyways to text him when we get back, he’ll be here in half an hour.” You sighed, the ten minute commute from his hotel was now a thirty minute one.

“Okay, tell him I say hi.” She rushes out, but pauses before grabbing one of the outfit bags she had purchased. You roll your shoulders opening your room door. The lights are off which is strange you remember leaving one on?

You hum before trying to find the light switch before the motion lights in the hallway turn off. 

As they do, effectively leaving you in darkness. Your eyes move to the ceiling tiny glow in the dark moon and stars begin to appear. Then the room illuminates in a soft glow, a series of lights shine from the ceiling. Twinkling and then forming the Hogwarts Crest, then the Hufflepuff emblem, you look around your room, Bucky stands there at the head end of your bed.

“Bucky.” Your throat knots with emotion.

“Doll.” He gives you your special smile, the Hufflepuff emblem moves to above you, Bucky walks with tiny stars a few steps ahead of him.

“My stars brought me to you.” He says, arm encircling your waist, your hands rest on his chest, the lights twinkling above you.

“You designed the software that does this.” You murmur, in awe of him.

“Come on, I have something to show you.” He leads you to the bed.

Laying you down and joining you. He tweaks with his phone, then the lights switch off, you watch the glow in the dark stars appear again. 

“You’ve always wanted to go stargazing.” He states, “I’m here to take you stargazing.”

As if on cue the song you share with him, Stargazing by The Neighbourhood begins to play from the speakers he set up. The lights begin to glow again, a flurry of constellations appearing with the beat as their guide.

You watch mesmerised, Bucky watches you. Your mirth illuminated by the stars, the way your eyes recognise some constellations and then when you look away from the lights to him with so much adoration. 

You gaze at Bucky, so much love brimming in your heart. No words can do justice to describe what he has done, the way he set this up for you, you almost blabber your own surprise. 

The song comes to an end, the lights dim then a soft glow begins again, enough to see Bucky clearly. You pull him into a kiss, hands tangling with his hair. 

Bucky returns the kiss with equal fervour and love.

Moments later, breathlessly you both part, Bucky gives you a knowing grin.

“I believe you owe me a dance.” He reminds and you laugh, clambering off of the bed, you hold your hand out for him. Bucky grasps it as you lead him to the open space in your room.

He begins to play the same song, the lights now following the beat but no constellations form. The song begins not a traditional slow song but Bucky sways you around, then twirls you around a few times, you laugh as he begins singing and you join in.

As the tempo begins faster, he begins his dancing of jumping around and moving his hips to the beat. Your hand never leaves his. He never drops your hand.

You both giggle, moving close as the song slows in tempo, chests pressed as you can feel his heart beating with your own. Bucky makes you wrap your hands around his shoulders, taking your weight on his arm. He does a dip, then pulls you up to a kiss as the instrumental break comes in.

The two of you move closer, the song begins again, the kissing continues. You both stumble and laugh in the kiss finding your way to the bed without parting from each other.

Clothes begin to fall, you’re under him on the bed, hips wrapped around his waist. Bucky looks absolutely ethereal with a halo around him, the light illuminates him in the most beautiful way as he takes you apart underneath him.

Your lips only say his name, his lips pray your name. 

You reach your brink, Bucky groans as you clench around him, eyes closed so lost in him.

When he turns you both so that you're on top, your hips move, needing him to mark you, needing to feel him.

Bucky’s moans and sharp inhales combined with your name have you know he’s close.

Bucky cups your cheek, an angel watching over him. The way the lights make your skin gleam, the way the warmth envelopes him from you. His hand moves from your cheek to your clit, you moan, Bucky wants you to cum with him.

“Go on doll, cum with me. Fuck so beautiful.” He praises, his hips meet yours, you shudder and your orgasm prompts his own, you lean forwards against his chest, as the aftershocks consume the two of you. 

Bucky strokes your cheek, keeping you against him. Hoping that holding you for longer may allow him more time with you.

You place a soft kiss to his chest, shoulders and over the scars. He closes his eyes, committing all of this to memory.

Night Four

The divorce hearing went well, your mother got all of her dues, your father even apologised though then he made a condescending comment which your mother expected.

Dinner was an emotional affair as it was goodbye. Bucky’s flight left in five hours and you all had to leave in the next ten minutes to make it at the mark of check-in opening.

Natasha had your luggage which was very hard to pack with how often Bucky was over. You then resorted to the laundry loads being packed. It was in her car, you would share a taxi with Bucky then Nat would “be driving the two of you home”. 

As the moment loomed your mom and Bucky exchanged goodbyes and then she pulled you into her room for a tearful goodbye as well. She informed you that your father knew of the online conversion and that you would be visiting Bucky, but not when.

The two of you part and Bucky keeps you close, all through the travel right up to the gates. It wasn’t hard to find tears, in a way he was leaving. You held onto him tightly. 

Bucky taps your lower back, then pulls you up to hug him with your legs wrapped around him. You stay that way, clinging onto him, him not wanting to let you go. His eyes are red when he parts from you, you wipe his tears, 

“It’s just a while, then I’ll be next to you again.” You assure with a smile.

“Can’t wait longer than a few minutes.” Bucky shakes his head, he pushes the luggage trolley, the security cross checks his details as he makes his way inside to the check in counter.

When your phone chimes with a message that he has checked in you turn to Natasha. Your bags are set on a trolley, your papers in an organised folder.

“You can give them my address, I am coming down in about ten days after you. Don’t worry about anything okay?” She explains again, you hug her tighter.

Midnight Bringing In Day Five.

Natasha and you part, you enter the airport past midnight making it day five, being checked in online the process is faster than usual they usher you off to security and immigration.

You’re placing your laptop and other items back into your bag. 

Bucky sends you an image of holding his coffee and pouting. 

Bucky🌻: cleared immigration, heading to get some coffee, I miss you already. How could they lie and say five days, I demand an extra twenty four hours with you.

Doll🌸: I miss you too, want to see your cute face next to me. I wish I could give you those.

Bucky🌻: I do too, did you get home?

You check the timing and Natasha’s message comes through just as you step in the immigration line tucking your phone away. It takes thirty minutes and then you find a good hiding spot near the boarding gate, you put your hood up.

Bucky🌻: Doll? 

Doll🌸: sorry Nat and I stopped for ice cream… Did boarding start yet?

Bucky🌻: not yet, heading to the gate, sitting right under this one cool looking light.

<attaches the picture>

You do a quick sweep and realise he’s far enough from you. 

Doll🌸:  that is one cool light, though i have the coolest lights in my room. 

Bucky had made sure that he had given you the app to use the lights as you pleased, the name of the app always made you smile. ‘Stargazing with Doll🌸’

Bucky🌻: the coolest. When are you going to sleep? 

Doll🌸: When boarding commences and you get on the plane.

Bucky🌻: Doll…

Doll🌸: Bucky…

You stand carefully going to get your own coffee, the plane had food so you could hold out but the cheesecake on display was tempting.

Bucky🌻: Want to play UNO online to kill time?

Doll🌸: Bring it on.

Much to your disdain he wins all the rounds as you eat and play in the sitting area of the food court. The overhead flight alert chimes and the boarding commences for your flight. 

Bucky🌻: boarding call…

Doll🌸: I love you, I’m going to miss you. We can do this, we’ll formulate a schedule based on your day two activities okay? I love you.

Bucky🌻: I am going to come home to you. Sooner than later, I’m going to not let us only dream anymore. I love you, we can do this again. 

<insert Elle Woods GIF of ‘what like it's hard?’>

I’m settling into the plane now, sleep well my Doll.

You keep your phone inside, getting into line and it turns out you will be the last one to board, based on the entry path he should spot you as you walk into the section.

When you enter the door, you request the stewardess in the quickest of summaries to record the reaction, she agrees and you hand her your phone with the camera rolling.

Bucky sighs as he glances at the city which harbours his home. His palm on the window. 

You bite your lip, people are still lingering in the aisles so you know you aren’t delaying the plane.

You place your bag in the overhead bin, keeping your headphones with yourself, Bucky still looks outside the window, lost in thought. You settle in next to him, your knee bumps against his and he still doesn’t look away.

The Stewardess gives you a thumbs up when you look at her with slight panic.

“Sorry about bumping your knee, I’m just nervous to see my boyfriend.” You explain, Bucky just waves his hand. 

“His name is James, haven’t seen him in a few hours, the whole long distance thing just sucks. You know?” You hold back your giggle as his head whips to face you, blue eyes wide.

You wave at him.

“Doll?” Bucky parts his lips, heart hammering, he looks around then outside then at his phone then you again.

“Bucky.” You keep grinning but the tears are forming, Bucky’s eyes begin to brim with tears as well.

“I love you.” He says, pulling you into a kiss as the Stewardess cheers along with a few other members of staff watching the scene unfold.

When you pull away from the kiss, “I love you.” The Stewardess hands you your phone. 

“I, how?” He wonders, hand in yours, his smile not leaving his face.

“I have sixteen hours to tell you. We got day five.” You grin, kissing the back of his hand.

“I, gosh, I love you.” He repeats still not able to believe his luck, you smile at him.

“I love you.” You say, “I couldn’t bear to be apart, so soon.” 

“I almost contemplated running off the plane.” Bucky laughs, you shake your head bemused, 

“Well good thing I boarded the plane didn’t I?” 

He nods, the world moves on around the two of you. Safety checks, pushing back from the gate, preparing for taxi, and then finally the plane takes off.

You rest your head on Bucky’s shoulder, his hand holds yours, never to let go, his lips press to your forehead.

“I told you, I’m the luckiest man alive,” he whispers, you chuckle.

The city lights twinkle underneath, as you begin your journey to a familiar city, but you both are going to be there with each other’s home.

“I think i met you in my dreams once, I think it was happenstance, then I fell in love with you, then you built a home within me and I built one within you.” Bucky speaks as you look up at him, 

“I think I met you in my dreams once, I think it was happenstance, then I fell in love with you, then you took away the aches from within me, and I took away the aches from within you.” you find his azure gaze full of mirth.

“You did, you absolutely did.” He affirms.

Bucky’s lips meet yours once again.

A.N: so this brings an end to the chapters, an epilogue is coming and i'm in tears over this fic coming to an end, just a massive massive thank you to you all for reading and interacting and giving so much love, a forehead kiss to all of you.

permanent tags: @stevesmewmew @pandaxnienke

fic taglist: @harry03bb @et-homephone @sebsgirl71479 @blackwidownat2814 @littleone2223 @elbell20-blog @lexhalstead3

@lissettacevedo14 @simpingfortoomanypeople @ebonyhogan24

@sammyisfat @juulle987 @elle14-blog1 @bye-moonchild @salenorona23 @slutforsexyseabass

[thesapphireprincess]

My 2 week social media cleanse:Day 1

Last night I decided to take a break from social media for 2 weeks straight, posting included. These are the apps I will be taking a break from, Tik tok, Instagram, discord, YouTube and Pinterest & podcasts. I was going to add tumblr as well but I recently started using tumblr and I am learning a lot from it and I’m actually reading important posts that relate to my goals but that doesn’t mean I’ll be on tumblr all day, there will be a limit. I think YouTube & Pinterest can be helpful but not if you’re constantly consuming content. For example I went to the gym this morning and I remembered I have a fitness board saved on my Pinterest, so I opened it to view and practice the workouts I had saved. Same with YouTube, I won’t be watching any YouTubers that show their lives or talk about their ideology, it will only be used for workouts, audiobooks & music. I won’t be looking at any new pins on Pinterest other than recipes and my workout/ self help section. Everything will have limits on them. It’s important that we don’t over consume online content, helpful or not.

This morning was very productive, I woke up at 7:30am and decided to go to the gym. I showered and got ready. I was in the gym for about 40 minutes which was longer than I anticipated. I was planning on being there for only 15 minutes but my timer went off rather quickly. I stretched, did arm exercises with 2 “5”pound weights, jump roped and did 9 minutes on the treadmill. It was nice to truly focus on my self with no distractions and I felt beautiful in the gym. After that I came home put on a documentary and did my hair, makeup & got dressed. I then headed to the grocery store to pick up a few things. I finished all of this before the hour of 12 ended. Then I made a cup of tea & breakfast and then read for about 40 minutes to an hour.

What I learned: Life is a lot better when you’re not constantly on social media, life is a lot better when you aren’t constantly comparing yourself to people on Instagram or Tik tok. Life feels so peaceful when you’re the only person you have to compare yourself to. I realized not everyone has the strength to do this but I highly recommend turning off your notifications for all social media apps, it will help you stay off on the apps more. I think that going on a 2 week social media break will help to break the addiction. Social media is what was stopping me from my goals, laying in bed all day online is not healthy. Also I think that we shouldn’t spend more than 3 hours on any platform a day. Add that limit and try not to break it. I recommend not being on your phone/ laptop/ iPad in the mornings at all. I use my Alexa dot for an alarm and at 7pm I turn off all devices until 10am-12pm, unless you’re looking at directions or something.

What I’m focusing on: During this time I will be focusing on reading, exercising and exploring my city. Being in the real world. I want to recreate myself into my dream person before I start dating again. I plan on dating and marrying only wealthy men when I’m ready to get back out there. I will be trying real life dating but I also want to give dating sites/dating apps another try. I’m staying away from the big bad 3: tinder, bumble & hinge 🤢. These apps are full of dusty after dusty just looking for a random hook up. Some women have good luck on them but I am not one of those women. I predict I’ll be ready in about 3 months and then I’ll do some research. I would prefer only dating In real life but online dating maximizes your chances. If the new sites or apps give me the same ick that the big bad do then they will be deleted asap. I’m praying that I have good luck meeting quality men in person. If I run into someone during this time and they want to take me on a nice date I’m not against it but I won’t have the intention of meeting anyone when I’m out.

In the mean time I will be healing my body from the inside out with a healthy but balanced diet, whitening my teeth and wearing my retainer, reading a variety of different books on different topics to sharpen my conversation skills, perfecting my routine, working out at the gym and going on mornings walks, keeping my nails and feet done at all time, perfecting my makeup and hair skills, learning how to style my clothes better while updating my wardrobe and much much more. I’m in the middle of a major transformation and I need to take some time to work on myself. This doesn’t happen over night. I’ve been on my level up journey for almost a year now, it’s a journey that never ends but I am close to becoming the person I want to be. I will be updating y’all on my journey weekly. The real world is where it’s at. <3

[These Pictures are all from Pinterest & were previously downloaded on my phone]

[colibrie]

H'ABBA Good Time!

Inspired by RIP (Rest in Pancakes) by Zartophski. I highly recommend reading because zee is an incredible author and it will make you smile.

(Cross posted on A03)

"I can't look away" Four said, his eyes large and round as the pulsating stage lights turned then from green to blue and then red and violet in rapid succession.

"Why would you want to?!" Wind whooped, standing on his seat with his phone's camera pointed at the stage. "This is gold!"

"How many drinks did you give them?!" Time asked, scowling at Twilight and Sky.

"Hey, don't look at me!" Twilight protested, one arm reaching out to snag the back of Wilds hoodie without ever taking his eyes off Times scowling face. "They were the ones who decided to have a drinking competition."

"And whose idea was it to let them-"

"SEE THAT GIRL!" Warriors bellowed into the mic, the syllables slurring sloppily as he attempted to execute a spin and pose.

"WATCH THAT SCENE!" Legend caterwauled in reply, pointing a wobbly finger towards the ceiling.

"DIGGIN THE DANCING QUEEN!" the two finished together, the audience laughing and clapping as their voices rose in perfect disharmony.

"Oh, lighten up Time!" Wild groused, subtly working his arms free of his hoodie's sleeves. "They are just blowing off some post finals steam."

"And it's not like they’re hurting anybody," Sky soothed, one arm wrapped around a madly giggling Sun. "They aren't even fighting with each other for once! You're the one always griping at them to get along."

Time sighed, the fingers of the hand not holding Malon's coming up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "I am not drunk sitting them tonight or dealing with the hangovers tomorrow. That’s all on you guys."

"Fair enou-hey!" Twilight cried as Wild ducked free of his restraint and made a bee line for the stage.

"Oh, this is gonna be great!" Wind chortle as Engie screamed out his fifth request for wonderwall.

“Wild!” Warriors cheered, throwing his arms out so wide that he stumbled back.

“Ge’ up ere!” Legend commanded, and Wild seemed all too happy to comply as he vaulted up onto the stage.

“Looks like we got a newcomer!” the MC warbled, laughing as Wild waved to the cheering crowd. “Alright kid, what number are you going to thrill us with?”

“One only the truest ABBA fan or the exceptionally drunk can pull off, and fortunately I have both singing back up for me!” Wild replied, beaming as the crowd broke into peels of laughter. “Super Trooper!”

“Alright!” The MC agreed, and seconds later the opening bars of the song blared d out of the speakers.

“I love everything about this night!” Hyrule shouted as Warriors, Wild and Legend began to belt out the words, all three of them shimmying and shaking out of time with one another.

“Flora is going to be so mad that she skipped this for lab time,” Malon giggled as she swayed along to the beat.

“More like glad. I give up,” Twilight sighed, tossing Wilds discarded hoodie onto his empty chair before taking a healthy swig of his own beer.

“TONIGHT THE SUPER TROOPER LIGHTS ARE GONNA FIND ME, SHINING LIKE THE SUN!” Wild screamed into the mic, his pitch going in and out of control as he tried to balance singing and laughing.

“SMILING, HAVING FUN!” Legend chimed in, a sappy smile curling his normally sullen face.

“FEELING LIKE A NUMBER ONE!” Warriors finished, planting one hand on his popped hip and throwing back his head.

“This is so going on social media!” Wind wheezed.

“Nope,” Time replied, swiping Winds phone out of his hands. “You know the rules. Blackmail is fine, but it stays in the group.”

“You’re no fun,” Wind grumbled, pouting as Time gave him a disapproving look. “Fine! But I am keeping it for next time one of them tries to skimp out on chores.”

“That’s totally fair,” Time affirmed, handing the younger man his phone. “Carry on.”

“This was such a good idea. Thank you for inviting us, Engie!” Sky said.

“Yes! I feel like I barely got to see any of you these past couple of weeks,” Sun added.

“How did you know about this place?” Hyrule asked, wincing as Legend over balanced and fell into Warriors, the two going down in a tangle of limbs.

“Heard about it from two seniors,” Engie replied, clapping along with the crowd as Wild finished out the song by himself.

“Give it up for our Super Troopers!” The MC called as Wild swept his arms wide in dramatic bows to the crowd. “Putting the ABBA in ABBAsolutely drunk! Maybe switch to water boys!”

The crowd laughed and cheered as Wild hauled Warriors and Legend off the stage.

“Alright, who’s gonna be our next brave singer?”

“Oh! I want to!” Sun squealed, pulling away from Sky in a rush to get to the stage before someone else could claim the honor.

“Finally, something that won’t make my ears bleed,” Twilight joked, mock scowling at Wild as he and his inebriated companions made it back to the tables the group had claimed for their own.

“True artists are never recognized in their time,” Wild sniffed, dumping Warriors into the empty chair next to Twilight as Hyrule got up to take Legend back to his side of the table.

“Alright my people, we have a new songbird for you!” the MC’s voice called everyone’s attention back to the stage. “This is Sun, and she wants this song to go out to her “sleepyhead”. So, give it up, for Gimme Gimme!”

"Gimme Gimme Gimme a man after midnight, won't somebody help me chase these shadows away," Sun crooned, sashaying across the stage with an extra swish in her hips as the crowd cheered and sang along. Her tone was clear and her pitch perfect and the swell of the crowd added a fantastic harmony, but no one at their small table noticed as they were too busy laughing at the bright red color steadily climbing up sky's pale cheeks.

"Oop, we passed lush lava!" Four cackled, flipping the tile on the car color swatches that he'd pulled from some unknown pocket of his bag. "Let's see if we can get to craving cranberry!"

"He might actually make it to Groose red!" Twilight chortled, slapping Sky on the back as he used his other arm to prop up a drooping Warriors.

"You all suck," Sky groused, though his words lost any weight they might have carried against the lovesick expression that followed Sun as she sang her song.

"Ah, young love," Time sighed, leaning over to pat Sky on the shoulder in a teasingly paternal manner. "You'll grow into it someday."

"Hey, where did Malon go?" Hyrule asked, one hand idly petting Legends wild locks as his friend snored blissfully against his shoulder. The other hand politely tapped the table as the crowd eagerly applauded Sun as she finished her song and left the stage.

"She said she had something she needed to do," Wind replied as Sun bounced back to the table with a brilliant smile on her face. "But she didn't say what."

"Alright!" The MC called. "Next up we are going to keep this ABBA fest rolling on with a lil Honey, honey! Give a big warm welcome to Malon!"

Lightning shot up Times spine as Malon strutted onto the stage with the opening pars of music, his mouth dropping open as she grabbed her mic.

"Honey, honey how he thrills me! Uh huh, honey, honey. Honey, honey, nearly kills me! Uh huh, honey, honey," Malon cooed in a sultry voice, tossing back her hair as she looked Time dead in the eye with a coy smirk. "Honey honey, nearly kills me! Uh huh, honey, honey. I'd heard about him before, I wanted to know some more. And now I know what they mean, he's a love machine! Oh, he makes me dizzy!"

There was not a collective breath to be had as Times face turned an unnamed red and the entire table collapsed into hysterics.

[destinyc1020]

phone addiction is real and normalized and i haaaate it. i feel like so many of us are on some level addicted to screens, and i just absolutely hate the feeling of it. like i love coming on here, seeing content, catching up, but when i'm away too long i honestly get really restless and feel like i 'have' to check to see whats up in the entertainment world. i've been working on this for years, too, trying to figure out ways to just chill and maybe log off of things for a few days, but i struggle to even manage that. what i want is just a nice balance of checking up on fandom stuff casually, not feeling like i need to do it or that i'm missing something if i'm away for a few days. it's baaad!! and then you go out and see people glued to their screens in restaurants, with their kids, in every situation possible. theres so many advantages to phones but i feel like their disadvantages aren't talked about enough. i love how tom has spoken up about stepping back from checking social media, i hope z for her own health does the same sometimes cause whew,cannot imagine being famous and having social media convo being about myself!

Yea girl....I feel you lol.

I think society has kind of normalized this behavior of "Phubbing" in public also. However, if you look back to old movies, or even old photographs, you'll see images or pictures of people casually enjoying one another's company at a restaurant and giving everyone their full attention.

But if you go out to eat in 2023, and look around a crowded restaurant, you're guaranteed to notice at least more than a few people phubbing the ppl they're with at the same table because they're deep into their phones. I've even seen a group of friends (not mine) all at the same table, and EVERY SINGLE ONE of them had their heads bent into their phones.... nobody talking to each other... 😑

I'm like, what's the point in even going out as a group of friends if all you're going to be doing is ignoring each other the entire night? Rofl 😆 🤣

Anyway, I totally agree with what Tom says about giving yourself a BREAK from social media, and just your devices in general!!🥰 That's just wise advice imo. 🤷🏾‍♀️

I know it sounds super crazy, but I guarantee you that if you were to delete all of your social media apps from your phone and stay away from them for two weeks, you will realize that you feel SO MUCH BETTER, and your addiction will subside. 😊

***You are addicted BECAUSE you keep going on these sites lol. If you stay away from them, the less you will be addicted, believe me. 💯

It will be tough, but that's why it's called an ADDICTION. That's classic addiction symptoms if you can't stop doing smthg, or you feel anxious or uneasy when you remove the addiction from your life.

However, it DOES get easier with every passing day that you don't give in to your addiction.

You're only feeding your addiction the more you go on it and can't stay stay away from it for many days.

Just like Tom noticed that he had a problem with alcohol and started to stay away from it, you can find (just like he did) that it gets easier the longer you stay away from it! 😊 The first step however is (as you've already done) recognizing that you have an addiction.

I know for me personally, I stop craving it when I get off of even Tumblr for a few days lol 😆 I highly recommend it. I also think that a lot of fans will STOP feeling so anxious about Tomdaya every two seconds when you're not following their every move every second of the day. 👀🤷🏾‍♀️

I'm telling you, NOT being addicted to your phone is a wonderful thing! 😊

You can even try a "Living in the 90s" Challenge by driving someplace close to home (maybe the grocery store or smthg) and actually *gasp*! leaving your cellphone at HOME!! 😳🤯😲

I'm getting anxiety just even thinking about doing that rofl 🤣, but I've actually contemplated doing that just as a challenge for myself to see if I can actually do it, and not break out in a cold sweat wondering where my phone is, what I'm missing, or whether someone has tried to reach me at some point lol 😅

I think what we will find when/if we do this, however, is that we're way more PRESENT in our lives, we make more conversations with ppl in public, and we will probably notice so many more things in our life when we leave the phone at home, or just leave it in our purse. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[bookaddict24-7]

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

Books I’ve read so far in 2022!

Friend me on Goodreads here to follow my more up to date reading journey for the year!

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241. This is Why They Hate Us by Aaron H. Aceves--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Okay, I wasn't sure what to expect with this one because I went in fully blind, but omg, I LOVED it. It did such a beautiful job of talking about a teen boy's sexual identity and mental health and I think everyone should read it. The last time I felt like this about a book was with DARIUS THE GREAT IS NOT OKAY. Both books deal with complicated feelings toward friends and with the struggle a family faces when they encounter one of their members experiences a mental health crisis. Also, this book was very sex positive (which I think is something that is important because the younger readers who might relate to the MC can see the gay sex or the allusion to it doesn't have to be a taboo subject.) The experiences of this MC can be relatable to many teenagers and I think that this is important, especially because with social media, teens aren't as naive about the topic of sex as they once were. I really, really loved this book and while it had moments that pulled at your heartstrings, it had genuinely funny moments, too. I found myself laughing a few times at the one-liners and the commentary about the people in the MC's life. I highly recommend this one, especially for any teenager that is currently trying to understand their changing lives, sexualities, identities, and mental health.

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242. Dragon’s Lair by Chantal Fernando--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Okay, so this book is on the audible plus catalogue and I downloaded it on a whim…holy crap. It wasn’t perfect, but I forgot what trash I was for motorcycle clubs. This is way sexier than it had any right to be and also…listen, I know a lot of people hate the surprise baby trope, but hi, I love it (not a spoiler). I loved seeing the MC come out of her shell as she gained more freedom from the chains of her life before her one night stand. This was quick, dirty, and dangerous. Also, I WILL add that if I ever met this kind of man in real life, I would run the other way. They’re just hot on the page 😉😝

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243. Arrow’s Hell by Chantal Fernando--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The ANGST. I loved this one because of that forbidden romance feel, the fact that the love interest is processing his grief, and that the MC is a badass who will absolutely not let him get away with his shit. The spice was also…like an arrow to the heart. 😏 Loved this one, even if the men have questionable ways of treating women. Like I said in the last review: never in real life, just in fiction. 💅🏽

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244. Tracker’s End by Chantal Fernando--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Ah, Tracker. The one who was trying to steal our hearts from the very beginning. We could see this couple coming from a mile away, but I love that we actually get to see their growth. I do think that Tracker is probably the most eh guy of the three so far because he IS a reformed super player. (All of them are, but I feel like he was the one who took a while to let that lifestyle go). There’s a particular scene where I was yelling “are you SERIOUS, Tracker?!?” I wanted to slap him. I really liked this MC—especially because of her little secret that slowly starts seeping into her not-so-secret life. That was a fun twist. I also like how possessive she becomes because it goes so against her perceived nature. I want to read the next one but it’s not part of the Audible Plus catalogue 😭

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245. Son of Elsewhere by Elamin Abdelmahmoud--⭐️⭐️

I have read a few autobiographies this year, so I was excited to read this one—especially because it deals with an immigration experience. Unfortunately, while I enjoyed reading about the jarring realities of being one of the only BIPOC people in a white community and essentially erasing your race so you can fit in, I found that the book as a whole was a bit choppy. I get that this memoir is told in sections, but I think this really hurt the flow of the writing. The going back and forth in the timeline based on the theme of the chapter took me out of the experience many times, often leaving me wishing that we could continue one stream of his life rather than him chopping it up and starting from scratch in the next chapter. The plus side: he sounds and sort of writes like Simu Liu, which was a big plus because I both loved his autobiography and his voice when reading for the audiobook. I’d still recommend this one because the general experience and story is an important one. The style of writing and flow just didn’t match my interests.

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246. King of Wall Street by Louise Bay--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I was in the mood to keep reading another spicy book, so I tried this one and while it wasn’t perfect, it delivered! I love a good smutty book about a single dad resisting that one woman who can change everything for him. I think the female MC was a little chaotic, but I don’t blame her because the male MC needed a little bit of chaos in his life (especially after he was such an asshole to her.) This one didn’t have a lot of depth to it, to be honest, but it’s a fun, quick, and dirty read.

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247. Key Player by Kelly Yang--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I love Kelly Yang's writing. I think her books are incredibly important reads--not just for the younger readers in our world, but also for the adults who need more stories full of lessons that I think everyone should be reminded of every once in a while. I will say that this addition to the series gave me a little bit of anxiety because of the actions of one character and where their arc would go because of said actions. But I also knew that I needed to trust the process because the books in this series never let me down. It's wild to see how far the little family in this series has come! I was so happy for them when they succeeded at what they wanted, and so heartbroken when they weren't able to succeed in their goals. We were also shown how internalized racism can affect us and how grief and the fear of guilt can also change us. I did enjoy that this book focused so much on one particular character and their journey--it made the series feel more well-rounded. If this was the last book in the series, I would be content with that ending. I'll always recommend a Yang book--she's an incredible, empathetic, and gifted author. A definite must-read!

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248. Just A Bit Twisted by Alessandra Hazard--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 

Re-read October 2022 This was one of those books that I’ve been craving for the past year or so. Sometimes there are certain books that you just want to re-read and experience the wildness again. Just like the first time I read this, this was addicting and though some aspects of the relationship were a little on the darker side, I was loving it all over again. This series will forever hold a special place in my heart.

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249. Going Wild by Lisa McMann--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I really enjoyed this one, even though it was slightly different than what I was expecting. It reminded me of all the Marvel origin movies I’ve loved because it’s this character actively figurine out what her powers are and the limits she faces in that journey. There was one instance with some new friends that threw me off because it felt random and like it came out of nowhere. But in the end, I loved it because it also gave me Shazam vibes (may be a spoiler if you know Shazam.) Will hopefully read the sequel one day!

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250. Home Field Advantage by Dahlia Adler--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I really enjoyed this one because it had that classic story of proving everyone wrong. I’m a sucker for characters being seen as weaker when they’re actually one of the best at what they do. And what made that even better? It’s that it’s a girl proving everyone wrong. It was super anxiety-inducing, however, how bad the sexism, misogyny, and bigotry was. I loved the character growth of both the MCs around this, but it was still nerve wracking. Loved the rep of these two girls falling for each other—it’s the classic tale of quarterback and cheerleader and I LOVED it. Will have to keep an eye out for the next title by this author 👀👀

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Have you read any of these books? Would you recommend them?

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Happy reading!

[nugnthopkns]

i wish i could disappear

word count: 3.6k

warnings: explicit!fem reader, cursing, feelings of anxiety due to social media harassment, invasion of privacy that border on stalking

recommended listening: brutal | olivia rodrigo

series masterpost: here

a/n: and we're off to the races!! i love this album and olivia so much. there's a shoutout to goon by tobias jesso jr. in here bc it's my favourite album to cry to lmao (highly recommend giving it a listen!). i'm on the fence about this one but am posting it anyways because i don't think i can make it any better

How the fuck do people find your social media?

All of your accounts are private and Kevin makes sure to never tag you on the rare occasion he posts a picture of the two of you together. The wives and girlfriends who have public accounts make sure to never post about you, and you’re careful not to comment on posts often. You’re a private person and though you understand that due to the nature of your relationship with Kevin you intrigue some fans, you don’t want to give them more than you have to.

Despite making no attempt to open up to the public or media, every day you wake up with hundreds of follow requests from complete strangers. At first it was a little exciting knowing that people were curious about your life but after years of the same routine it’s become draining. It takes you nearly twenty minutes each day to weed through them and accept only the people you know personally. Kevin doesn’t actually know how many people want to catch a glimpse of your daily life because you do your best to keep it from him. Knowing would only bring him stress, and you want him to be able to focus on winning games and loving you with his entire heart.

☼☼☼☼

The phone on your desk rings loudly, pulling your attention away from the computer screen that has way too many numbers on it for your liking. The finance department needed someone to proof their audit before sending it away and since you’re the only one in human relations that has a business degree the job landed on your shoulders. Eager to take a break, you pick it up and press the receiver against your ear.

“Hello?”

The voice on the other side laughs gently, but you immediately know it’s Kevin. “Hi sweetheart,” he says warmly, “How’s work?”

“Fine I guess. It’s work, Kev. Nothing terribly exciting happens here,” you explain but continue to fill him in on all the coffee pot gossip you got this morning. Kevin listens as you complain about forgetting your lunch on the counter and chuckles at how upset the situation makes you.

“What if I told you I’m outside your window with a burrito bowl?”

Excited at the possibility of seeing your boyfriend before dinnertime, you whip towards the window and spot Kevin on the sidewalk, waving like an idiot despite knowing your office is on the fifth floor. You hang up quickly after telling him you’ll be down in two minutes and let the receptionist know you’re stepping out for lunch. There’s a line for the elevator so you head to the stairwell, taking them two at a time in your haste. You’re crossing the street to the small park where Kevin has set up a picnic before your co-workers are even out the door.

You plop down on the blanket beside Kevin and lean into him. He presses a sweet kiss to your forehead before passing you the food he brought. You take a bite, sighing at the taste. Kevin knows you better than you know yourself and knew exactly what to get that would satisfy your mounting hunger.

“Thanks babe,” you smile, holding up your fork and offering him a bite. He takes it graciously but makes a face. “What’s the matter?” you laugh as you take the utensil back.

“I fucking hate avocado.”

The two of you eat in relative silence, speaking only when you remember a detail from your morning. Kevin tells you about the drills he’s going to lead at practice in the afternoon and what he plans on cooking for dinner since he’ll be home before you. You insist you can whip something up when you get home but Kevin shakes his head. He reminds you that relationships are give and take, and that you’ve made dinner the past three nights because he had a string of games. You manage to reach a compromise that has you doing the dishes before you have to return to work.

Kevin insists on walking you back to your office even though you protest vehemently. Your relationship is far from secret, and has been the topic of workplace gossip more times than you can count, but after five years you’ve learned to ignore most of it. However, you don’t want your co-workers to think you flaunt your NHL player boyfriend to prove you’re better than them. They all love Kevin, and a couple of them congratulate him on last night’s goal as he follows you down the hall. A few of the newer hires stare in awe and shake his hand, completely blown away that one of Philadelphia’s biggest stars is asking how they like their jobs.

“Pretty soon they’re going to approach you to do PR for us,” you chuckle as you flip the light on and close the door of your office.

His laughter echoes off the walls as a pair of strong arms find a home around your waist. “It would be kind of fun to hear myself crush those radio commercials.”

“Since when do you listen to the radio?”

“Checkmate,” Kevin sighs, pulling you closer. He kisses you quickly, not wanting to give a show to anyone who could be walking past, but it still sends you reeling. You don’t want him to pull away and kiss him again.

You get your way for a few more moments and then Kevin’s leaving with a promise to not burn the house down and wishes for a good rest of the day. Focussed on giving the audit its final once-over you don’t bother pulling your phone from the drawer you had placed it in when you got to work that morning. You turn up the small radio at the corner of your desk and get to work scanning the document for errors. There’s a mistake halfway through that skews the rest of the data and fixing it takes a bit of time, but it isn’t a huge deal. You have nothing else to do except answer a few emails and organize meetings for after the weekend.

An hour or so later you’ve completed all your tasks and debate what to do. It’s too early to leave for the day, so you decide to kill time by checking your phone. You’re expecting a few notifications, perhaps two or three memes in the group chat you share with your friends, but not the hundreds that greet you.

The majority of them are instagram notifications, and assuming they’re just more fans requesting a follow you ignore them, instead heading to your text messages. There’s a picture from Kevin of a dog he found walking home and another from your mom asking why you haven’t called home in a few weeks. However the one from Claude’s wife is the one that piques your curiosity.

Just a heads up that someone posted a pic of you and Kev to one of those stupid wag pages. I filed a request for Instagram to take it down but it’s gotten a lot of traction. Sorry :((

Your heartbeat increases rapidly and a million thoughts fly through your head at a rapid speed. Fingers shaking, you respond with a thanks and open up the dreaded app. You don’t see it immediately, your feed being full of photos belonging to friends and family, but it’s in your messages almost two hundred times. Many of them have text attached and you know there will be a comment about your relationship regardless of which one you open.

Tapping on the most recent message you brace yourself for the worst. The new window opens a photo someone took of you and Kevin while eating lunch in the park across from your office not even three hours prior. It’s grainy and the camera angle is strange, but you’re eating and Kevin is looking somewhere out of frame. The accompanying caption reads Kev and his girlfriend out for lunch today! Follow @philllywagupdates for more :).

You let out a sigh of relief – it could have been a lot worse. Personal pictures of yourself have made it onto pages like that before and most of them they’re paired with mean-spirited captions about your appearance or other trivial matters. Assuming you’re in the clear, you head back to the page of the original message to thank the person for bringing the post to your attention. However, the message accompanying the post is anything but positive.

He can’t even fucking look at you. It’s only a matter of time before he leaves you

The blood in your veins runs cold. You know it’s not true – Kevin’s made it clear you’re the one and truthfully you’re just waiting for a ring – but it doesn’t stop the sting you feel. What could possess someone to say such horrible things? You decide not to respond despite, possibly opening another can of worms with the seen function, and close the app. Leaning back in your office chair you focus on anything but your phone, looking out the window at passersby while regaining your breath. It works for a while, but eventually not knowing what others said eats away at you. You go through every single message to see hundreds of similar comments to the first, with only a few saying they’re glad you’re happy or how posting the picture is a violation of your privacy.

By the time you’re finished your spirit has been crushed. However, it’s also an acceptable time to start the weekend – at least no one in the office will have to see you cry. Things are hastily packed into your bag and you wave a few quick goodbyes before once again taking the stairs. You curse yourself for deciding to walk to work that morning and set off in the direction of home wiping away tears. The last thing you need right now is for someone to recognize you, but you have to get home. Tobias Jesso Jr plays at much too loud a volume through your headphones and Kevin will most certainly remind you it’s bad for your hearing, but the melancholy piano riffs of Goon overpower the thoughts swirling around your head.

Do people really feel that way about me?

Are my friends just too nice to stop inviting me places?

Does Kevin really feel trapped?

Hundreds of similar sentiments and situations cross your mind as you stumble through the streets of downtown Philadelphia, but you force them as far back as possible before opening the door to the apartment you share with Kevin. Hoping to slip inside undetected, you take your shoes off slowly and throw your jacket on the end table instead of hanging it in the closet. Your plan fails somehow and Kevin hears you, greeting you in a goofy apron covered in flour.

“Hey sweetheart,” he smiles, but it drops once your eyes meet and he sees the hurt on your face. “What’s the matter?”

“It’s nothing,” you insist, trying to step around him in pursuit of the bathroom.

Kevin doesn’t buy it and sees right through your feeble words. “It’s not nothing if you’re this upset. If you don’t want to talk now that’s fine, but I think you should get it off your chest.”

You know he’s right, but you also know you can’t tell him the true cause of your despair. “Just some work stuff,” you sigh. “The audit got all fucked up and I had to fix it even though it’s not my job.”

It’s not technically a lie, which makes you feel better, and Kevin buys it. He presses a sweet kiss to your lips in sympathy. “Go take a shower and the gnocchi should be ready by the time you’re done. We can spend the night cuddling on the couch.”

“And watching Selling Sunset?”

“We can watch whatever you want sweetheart,” he chuckles. You part from him with a final kiss and head to the bathroom. Hopefully the steam from the water will carry away the negativity brought on by that damn post.

☼☼☼☼

Time passes but the hateful comments on social media don’t stop. In fact, you’re pretty sure they get worse. It’s so bad that you’ve deleted every app except facebook because you need it for work. Kevin doesn’t notice your abstinence from social media, but he picks up on how you spend more time criticizing yourself or staring off into space. When he pushes you either brush him off or feed some bullshit excuse about how work is getting you down. You know he doesn’t believe you but trusts you enough to come to him when you’re ready to talk.

You aren’t sure if you’ll ever be able to tell Kevin what’s been going on. There’s been scrutiny from social media before, when you first started dating, but it quieted down after the initial media frenzy. He helped you through that but it’s different this time around. Never before have you had strangers tell you your life is worthless or that your boyfriend should end your relationship. Some of the other wags notice your absence on instagram but chalk it up to you just taking a break. They reach out via the group chat and send wishes to see you at the next home game. It’s nice to know they care, but the voice in your head that has grown much larger in recent weeks tells you they don’t truly mean it. This leads you to decline the invite as politely as possible, citing extended work hours for your absence. In reality you’re too anxious to be anywhere that isn’t home or work, petrified someone is going to post something that will add fuel to the flames of those who interrogate you.

It’s another Friday afternoon, and you’re leaving the office early once again. There’s a small craft exhibition taking place around the corner from work and today is the last day it’s open. You had been meaning to go all week, hoping to find something small to add to Kevin’s birthday gift. As you step out of the building there’s a small group of young women, who don’t look old enough to have graduated college, standing off to the side. It fills you with dread, worried that somehow someone found out where you work and the insults are going to start occurring verbally, but you force yourself to be rational. You work fairly close to one of the artsier districts in the city and it’s more than likely they just want to find a cute mural to take pictures in front of.

You pass by and swear you hear them snicker, but you remind yourself you’ve just been jumpy lately. When they peel from their place on the wall and follow behind at a distance you think the coincidences are running out. It seems a little too strange how their movements line up with yours, and you go down a few winding side streets in an attempt to lose them. Part of you feels ridiculous because what group of barely legal girls would track a full-blown adult around a city of nearly two million people, but your life is currently strange enough you can’t be sure. They don’t follow you, and by the time you reach the market your heart rate has returned to normal.

The first few stalls have little to catch your eye, but a few rows in you find a leatherworker who makes adorable wallets. Kevin’s is ridiculously old and falling apart at the seams – his mom bought it for him before the two of you got together. You think a new one will make a perfect addition to the concert tickets you already bought and browse the table for something simple and elegant. A deep brown one with tan braiding around the edges catches your eye and you know it’s the one for Kevin. Checking the price to make sure you have enough cash in your wallet, you approach the shop owner to purchase. The older man has a kind smile that reaches his eyes as he thanks you for purchasing from him.

“No, thank you for making something so beautiful!” you gush. “My boyfriend is going to love it.”

It’s then you hear it – snickering accompanied by the click of a camera. You look over your shoulder to see the same group of girls from before laughing as they huddle over a cell phone, no doubt already starting to broadcast the photo across the internet. Tears prick at the corners of your eyes but you refuse to let them fall. Those girls don’t deserve to see their mission accomplished, but the longer they laugh at you the harder it is to swallow your feelings.

Head held high, you thank the owner one more time before holding your head high and walking past the group. The only way out is past them so you hold your breath and pray they don’t notice you. Unfortunately you aren’t that lucky, and one of them looks up just as you come into earshot.

“If Kevin doesn’t leave you after that sorry excuse for a gift I don’t know what’s wrong with him,” she sneers.

Another one chimes in, “You’re honestly so pathetic.” They all cackle in amusement, and you speed up. The tears flow freely now, and you call an uber even though it will be a ridiculous amount of money. You just want to get home.

The uber driver doesn’t say anything when you get in, though you know it’s strange to be bawling your eyes out at four in the afternoon. You can’t help it – weeks of keeping all the hate to yourself finally got to you and being followed with the sole intent of ridicule is the final straw. At one red light he silently passes you a box of tissues, which you accept gratefully.

Luckily the lobby of your apartment complex is empty and you manage to get to your floor without encountering a familiar face. There’s a few hours until Kevin gets home from his final roadtrip of the season, and if you play your cards right you can get all the tears out and be as normal as possible before he comes through the door. You don’t even bother to put anything away, just head straight to the bathroom to slump against the tub. Sobs rack your body and you lose all sense of time. All you can feel is the hurt you’ve been holding in releasing itself and soaking the material of your blouse.

Kevin finds you laying in the position hours later. He tripped over your shoes coming in the door and immediately knew something was wrong – you always place them neatly on the rack in the closet upon arriving home. Peering through the quiet house for a hint at where you are, he sees the bathroom light on and makes a beeline for the room. It breaks his heart to see you like this, and even more so because he doesn’t know what spurred it on.

“Sweetheart, hey,” he coos, maneuvering his body to sit beside you and pull you into his lap. “What’s the matter?”

You bury your head in his shoulder and clutch the material of his dress shirt as you cry harder at the sound of his voice. Kevin takes your reaction in stride, rubbing circles on your back and working on evening out your breath. He doesn’t pressure you to speak and provides the stability you desperately crave as the world around you spins. An unknown amount of time passes before your tears run out, but spend it all on the bathroom floor curled into Kevin.

“I guess I should have told you sooner,” you mumble, “But I didn’t want to bother you.”

Concern laces Kevin’s features and his eyebrows knit together. “Tell me what?”

“I, uh, have been the subject of some internet hate for the past little bit,” you say sheepishly. It feels stupid to not have told him now, but you can’t change that. “But you were really busy with the season and I wanted to make sure your head was completely focused on the game so I just dealt with it myself. I deleted the apps and tried my best to go about my life. And then today after work I was followed by some people and they said some really hurtful stuff and shit became a little too real.”

“I’m so fucking sorry.”

It’s your turn to be confused. “Why are you sorry Kev? You're Not the one sending me death threats.”

He tucks a loose strand of hair back into your ponytail. “Maybe not, but I still made you feel like you couldn’t talk to me about what was going on. What kind of partner am I?”

“The best one,” you say confidently. “It’s okay, I’m okay. I just want to forget about it right now. Can we just disappear for a little bit?”

Kevin wraps his arms around you tighter, as if he can engulf you to protect from the cruel outside world. “We can do whatever you want. If you want to get out of the city for a bit if you want, or just spend the next few days here away from prying eyes.”

“I love you.”

You say it because you mean it, and if you could scream it from the rooftops you would. Kevin is incredibly easy to love, even when you make it difficult for him to love you back. You know another much longer conversation is coming about everything that has happened recently because communication is the only way to solve problems and Kevin deserves that, but you’re thankful he’s willing to put it to rest for a few more moments.

He cracks a smile for the first time since he’s been home and kisses the crown of your head. “I love you too sweetheart,” he whispers, “Always and forever.”

Things are far from over and though you still never want to show your face in public ever again, you know that Kevin is going to do whatever he can to make things better and that’s enough for you.

☼☼☼☼

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