#i HAVE improved a lot though. i draw things now i never would've been able to draw a few years ago

[crayolacolor]

hey!! artist friends!! i'd really like to dive into trying to improve my art, particularly when it comes to drawing things that aren't just direct redraws of screenshots.

i especially need help with things like drawing complex poses, side profiles, perspective etc. but i also need help with figuring out shading / lighting because i've procrastinated on learning how that works for way too long lol.

( any drawings of mine that are well-shaded are screenshot redraws, so i had a direct ref for where to put the shadows )

if anyone can direct me to any (preferably free) resources for any of these things, or give me tips that worked for you, please let me know!! you can reblog / reply to this post or send me an ask.

[szollibisz]

🦾 for owen? <3

🦾 A disability headcanon

Well there's quite a few, mostly post-fall

I think the major ones is that he has a permanent limp after, his left leg being the weaker one (even though they both hurt) and that he has burns on quite a lot of his body.

I try to make my hcs work with what he does in the show, mainly that he can still fight and run, but I personally attribute that to Chimera's inventions. When Owen said they have a little bit of everything and seeing them pioneer new technologies I got the idea they may also be doing something similar with medical techniques and equipment.

I think the fall and the explosion damaged him severely enough that, without these modern technologies he would be in a lot more pain and be able to do a lot less things. But I can also imagine this essentially makes him an experimental guinea pig to the doctors working at Chimera (Who, due to Owen being Owen and never opening up or dealing with his problems are the only ones who know the extent of his condition)

I think out of all the things he suffered through, the thing that bothers him the most during his new missions, besides the chronic pain is the hearing loss. I think he hates having one of his most important senses weakened, because at least his lessened ability to fight is compensated by being a good shooter.

I think because the burns would've constricted him too much he's also been through quite a bit of skin grafting, but all parts have never been grafted because it's too much surface area to take from other places on his body, and mostly they just wanted to improve his mobility and get his back to work as fast as possible.

Since he's such a proud and independent person I think his dignity suffered a lot having to be taken care of so much. He's been injured in the field before, but nothing that would make him completely rely on other people for an extended amount of time. I think due to his grief and anger he often set back his own progress by wanting to go so fast. Those instances reminded him of Curt a lot and just made him angrier.

Overall I think his mental strain was just as great as his physical, and that made him throw himself right back into work and ignore his issues and neglect caring for himself, especially because he needed it then more than ever. yeahhh i could ramble on for a lot more but I won't. But now I really wanna draw post-fall Owen!!!

[iminyourbookshelf]

QSMP community positivity because the streamer awards made me so happy

(under the cut because it's going to be A LOT)

QSMP Digital Artist - Ate and left NO crumbs ever omg. The amount of detail, varying styles, and epic scenes are my favorite. The variety of art styles for QSMP artist is like just going to a buffet to browse and they're all special little dishes made with so much love.

QSMP Tradtional Artist - HOW CAN YOU DRAW/PAINT SOME OF THIS STUFF?? Watercolor paintings of QSMP bulids, notebook spreads with cute little details, the fact that you can draw traditionally at all. All so talented.

QSMP Beginner Artist - NEVER GET DISCOURAGED <33. Everyone was a beginner at some point and seeing people improve over time with their art is so cool. I consider myself still a beginner even though I've been drawing for a couple years now lol. There is still so much for me to learn, and the fact how kind the qsmp art community is makes me so happy. Keep improving, your art looks great <3

QSMP Fanfiction Authors - I don't know whether to compliment you or ask for my therapy payment (/lh). So many authors have ripped my heart out and left it out to dry and others are like a bucket of fluff and joy. I love both of these. The writing quality is genuinely amazing on so many of these. I love to visualize when reading and with all the details it's basically just watching a movie.

QSMP Web Weavers - You guys are AMAZING. Finding so many quotes, transcripts, fanarts, aesthetic photos, and being able to combine them in a way that represents characters so well is beautiful. Not to mention the fact how your able to put credits for everything in an easy to find way??? Perfect.

QSMP Moodboards/Stimboard makers - These are so cute aaaa. I love seeing them, all the little collections of photos or gifs of characters I like is very fun.

QSMP Poll Accounts - I LIVE for taking polls. It's just fun to have a place to put an opinion you had for yourself that you didn't know how to put unprompted on your own post. Seeing results after a while also makes me happy to see what as a general consensus the fandom is on.

QSMBLR and QSMPTWT users - Transferring information from one hellsite to the other, I admire anyone who can survive in the discourse trenches and come back with account updates.

QSMP Clip accounts - I love seeing silly clips of cubitos, and especially those with transcripts and translations. It's a lot of effort and I admire that. Gives me so much info I would've missed otherwise.

QSMP translators - As someone still currently learning the other languages, it is so helpful when people translate it. Sometimes your brain just hurts and you can only read your native language. Also anyone who translates things from English to other languages, yes please make it for other speakers.

QSMP Multi-Shippers - It's so fun to see these, yes give your cubito 7 different romantic/platonic partners. You guys collect ships like Pokémon and it is inspiring

QSMP Cosplayers - I respect cosplayers so much. The wigs, the makeup, the costume, the PROPS?? All take so much work it's amazing to see final products. I reccently tried making a scythe for one I want to do, and I was struggling. Y'all are so cool.

QSMP Character Analysis Posts - Keeping fanfiction accuracy and my personal view on characters as close to canon as possible. These help so much when I need to look for a character I haven't watched much and easy to read.

QSMP Livebloggers - Save me from losing track of lore when I'm busy. I swear some of you just never sleep (please do but thank you for information). The amount of stuff I can figure out from vague post of combined livebloggers makes it much easier to know what's happening. Most of my mutual liveblog a lot and it saves me so much time <3

QSMP Rebloggers - KEEPING THIS FANDOM ALIVE‼️‼️ Tumblrs algorithm is based on reblogs, accounts that are just lurkers rb stuff ily. Hell yeah man, take all the cool stuff and share it.

QSMP Animatics - Movie night exists because of you guys!! Sometimes you all make me want to sob violently or laugh till I can't breathe. The differences in each video is so fun to see. The effort in each one is just beautiful too, animatics are NOT easy.

QSMP Editors - The fact that people can take a cube game and turn into epic/sad/cute edits with a few clips, transitions, and audios astounds me. You guys are so cool and I love seeing them. Also the fanart edits are so sick, finding the best ones to match.

QSMP Fan Video Creators - Stuff like the Federation Welcoming Workers Video, that one cucrucho cereal video, things like that. Quality is usually amazing and all the unique takes or camera work is epic. Idk what else fits in this genre but I just wanted to mention it.

QSMP RP Accounts - Seeing other people's takes on characters are so interesting and fun to see. RP is a skill I need to work on and it's done pretty well with these accounts. The amount of detail y'all can put is insane.

QSMP OC creators - Cringe culture is dead, I love seeing people make their little characters interact with eachother based on the QSMP. Keep it up and pls share it.

QSMP 3D Animators/Modelers - I never expirence more joy than when I see a 3D model of a qsmp rat spinning around. Also any 3D animators your dedication is insane. I tried learning 3D animation once and that was a STRUGGLE.

QSMP Vod savers/YT summaries -Actual lifesavers, there is no way I could've been apart of this community without them. Watching a few videos a day about what happened on the server makes it easier for me to actually do other things. Also that one person who made a QSMP2023 summary in UNDER 10 minutes, you are insane and did such a great job.

QSMP Accounts in Different Languages - QSMPBLR is heavily more English speaking than other languages, and when people main tag with post in different languages it makes me so happy. This was the point of the server, to let people post in whatever language they wanted. It's also fun for me to practice and try to translate it for myself.

I tried to get everything but please add if you have anything <3

[cq-studios]

Questions for 15 Friends Tag Game

Tagged by @corishadowfang ^^

Rules: Answer the questions, then tag 15 people.

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

Not that I know of. I think my middle name was after someone but, if that's the case, I don't know who.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

This weekend watching Days. That game breaks me every time.

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

Nope and don't ever plan on it.

WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED?

Uhhhh, none.

I tried out for the basketball team twice in elementary school but didn't make the team either time. That school, and especially the coach, had it out for me though (I am neurodivergent had behavioural issues so they didn't let me do much).

If it counts, I was on the Improv team in middle school. That was a ton of fun and I would've kept doing it into highschool if the teacher who was in charge of the competitions didn't retire (no one stepped up after that)

Other than that not really anything.

DO YOU USE SARCASM?

Oh definitely. I grew up in an incredibly sarcastic household lol

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

Uhhh, I haven't really thought about it...

Probably hair? That's how I tend to recognise most people, which is most definitely unreliable (thanks for that brain lol).

Shout out to that one time my friend got a drastically different haircut than usual, didn't tell me, and I didn't recognise her until she spoke to me lol

WHAT’S YOUR EYE COLOUR?

Brown.

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

Definitely happy endings. I have absolutely no tolerance for scary things.

My pour soul got nightmares so easy as a kid I wasn't allowed to watch Scooby Doo because it would keep me up at night lol

ANY TALENTS?

I'd feel weird saying anything artistic, because honestly I consider those skills more than talents (since they're something I actually work towards improving and not something that I can just do for some reason lol).

So alternatively, I think my talent is simultaneously have the worlds worst and best balance. Like I can fill up a cup completely (and I mean completely, there's a meniscus and everything) and I can bring that up to my mouth without spilling a drop, but at the same time, there have been several occasions where I have fallen out of chairs while doing nothing but colouring. I can walk across a completely rounded balance beam (like curtain rod look and size) eyes closed and backwards, but walking I'm tripping every other step.

I can also quack like a duck so convincingly I've tricked hunters lol

WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

I'm not entirely sure...

Somewhere around the southern Quebec-Ontario border I think?

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?

Drawing, animating, reading, writing, and playing video games (and doing stuff for local theatre productions if that counts).

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?

Yes, currently I have a dog, Neve. She's a Golden Retriever-Labrador mix and she's very strange.

My brother also has a cat, but she lives in the basement and I never see her lol

HOW TALL ARE YOU?

I couldn't tell you the last time I measured my height, but I'm only a bit taller than my mom (4"11 and a bit), so probably 5"-5"1.

FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?

Chemistry.

I love chemistry. I love balancing formulas. I love the experiments and demonstrations (even if when I was doing them I kept burning my hands... I swear I was being careful I'm just cursed lol). I love learning about all the elements properties and stuff. The math isn't awful (like in physics). And it makes me feel smart.

DREAM JOB?

My dream job is whatever I have to do to be able to make my own show (my current plan is making an indie studio) and also being able to make a living off of doing tables at cons.

I'm actually slowly but surely working towards both right now. A lot of just saving and planning at the moment but I'm getting there.

Gonna start applying for grants soon-ish, so wish me luck lol

I don't really have 15 people to tag so, uhh, open tag I guess lol

[manofbeskar]

i think about him sooo much... (long post incoming)

i always think he's just been alone his whole life. his epithet is about his eyes. the drawing oda did of kid mihawk literally has him crying blood. he probably freaked people out with his eyes (and the abilities he had) and fierceness in sword fighting even when he was young. i feel like he was ostracised as a kid, and people never really took the time to get to know him beyond what they see on the surface, and decided it's easier to be alone than seek out company. especially when he became the strongest, and by that point he's so disenchanted with life. all his life he fought for this, only to get to the top and see it's not that different from when he wasn't there. he was still alone, but now he had nothing to work for. no purpose.

then he saw shanks. shanks, who would be able to grow as he did, keep up with him at every turn. shanks, his polar opposite yet the one who would understand him best. mihawk has a reason to get up in the morning now, because now he must keep improving to keep up with shanks (and same as shanks improving to keep up with mihawk). i always think shanks is the biggest proof mihawk only likes being alone because it's his only option—the moment shanks came into his life, an equal who would understand him, mihawk made the effort to go see him frequently. even when their rivalry stopped, they're still on good enough terms that shanks can get mihawk to stay and party with him.

^ and we know mihawk cares about shanks because he apologised to him when he decides to go all out on luffy—which implies shanks may have requested mihawk to stay out of his way and he agreed until then. mihawk even only agrees to train zoro once he learns that zoro's intentions are to protect luffy and not to defeat him. he goes out of his way to bring shanks luffy's wanted poster even though he would've seen it himself eventually. dudebros will try to convince you mihawk thinks shanks is weak with one less arm but this is not true because marineford proved mihawk still thinks shanks is very strong, which means he stopped duelling him likely out of care for his remaining limbs. mihawk cares about his friends; he tells perona to be careful on her way out; he tells zoro updates about luffy; he cooks for them; the humandrils grew up in war and he arrived and gave them a peaceful hobby of gardening with him.

his wishes for finding a peaceful life... experience enough of life and you've had enough. he's convinced he's already seen all the good out there for him, and perhaps all the bad. he's gotten the title he wanted. he's had the company he desired. he's had an exciting teenage life hunting marines, a sad enough childhood being alone. adulthood was boring when nobody matched up to him after he decided not to fight shanks anymore. it's time to find peace and rest—which is difficult, because in film red, shanks tells uta that peace does not exist in the real world. evidently, mihawk finds it extremely difficult to achieve a peaceful life (like when the marines end up chasing him out of his own home, and he's sadly packing up his things to leave.)

as someone also bored on a similar level as mihawk, i know it's born out of just. you've seen enough good and bad in your life. you know what to expect now. even the things you didn't expect just don't pull any kind of reaction from you anymore. things are more peaceful this way. easier to move on from things if everything is incredibly unremarkable to you. especially when he says he doesn't remember the names of every insect he crushes. nothing is remarkable, and in that, there's a specific kind of peace you find within yourself that is 1) just not the real thing but according to shanks, true peace is not real, and 2) not the same kind of peace either. this peace is just indifference, and it looks a lot like peace, but it is very lonely and disenchanting, which takes mihawk back to square one: there is no true peace—shanks is right.

this post is getting very long so i will just cap it with a note about mihawk being alone and unwanted for so many years in his childhood. and then he becomes the greatest swordsman, the marine hunter, and gets a (i presume $1B before roger died) bounty after him. nobody cared about or wanted him before, and now the world government wants him. the whole world is eager to look for him. he is somebody now, someone wanted. after the warlord system was abolished, mihawk was excited to be hunted down—which is funny, because a man looking for a peaceful life would not be excited at being hunted down at the frequency the marines were hunting him—unless being wanted, even if it's people hunting him down, is exciting enough that peace can be postponed temporarily. even for myself, i prefer to live quietly, but if something is exciting, i may get involved even if it may have averse effects on me. just to feel a little more alive. i think mihawk is the same...

GOD I JUST!!!! I HAVE SO SO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT MIHAWK!!!

you're killing marines! no, i'm killing admirals.

[dinoberrypress]

Learning to enjoy art again (and making messed-up little guys in the process)

Hey y'all, Nevyn here! I wanted to talk a little about the art process that's gone into You're In Space, and what it was like for me to do it!

I'll start by saying that I've had a bit of a stressful relationship with Making Pictures for a while. I really liked doing it in highschool, but I had a lot of bad feedback and critique from peers and teachers alike that lead to me stopping- nothing I made was good enough, so why bother, right? It lead to me never being satisfied with what I put on a page as a result of constantly trying to stick to the ideals and visions of those around me, instead of just making what I wanted, so I stopped.

Fast forward like 50 billion years and I'm working on Spacefucked. I've been designing the game for a while, and Jam and I started talking about what kind of art it should have.

CW for images below: illustrated blood, body horror, gore, weapons

I'd been seeing my friend Adam Vass doing art for Cybermetal at the time, and they were doing all kinds of interesting stuff with it. Unique tools, tools used "wrong", tools I'd never heard of. Talking to Adam about that art, I learned about soda can pens and palette knives and all sorts of different ways of putting media to paper that I'd never heard or thought of.

I talked about it with Jam, and she encouraged me to take a crack at it- to just make some pens, grab some inks, and to go to town on a big sheet of paper and see what I came up with.

I had a lot of fun making it! This was just with ballpoints, felt tips, and sharpies- but look at the results! Scratchy, messed-up, weird little freaks. I wasn't sure if it was viable for a project, though, so I asked around and got really enthusiastic responses! It was really encouraging, to learn that people liked my art! People wanted to see more!

Jam was a huge fan and wanted me to make more, encouraging me to try out other tools and methods, not just for the potential use in You're In Space And Everything's Fucked, but also for me to get that practice and exposure to new methods of Making Art™!

So, of course, I did more research on the things Adam and I talked about, and got some new tools prepped. I started by making some folded pens out of soda cans and drawing some monsters, then I tried writing some text, and the more time I spent playing these these tools and learning how they worked the more fun I was having, the more expressive and intentional I was able to make things. It felt like my eyes were opening for the first time!

The text results were always varied and expressive, and using different consistencies of ink and different tools always created really unique, powerful results with a lot of impact.

The important part, though, is that I was having a blast doing this art! I got more supplies- stronger paper, palette knives, and a bunch of different kinds of pens. After a few more big pages of messy art, it was decided: I'd be doing the art for Spacefucked, and even now, over a year into the project, I'm still excited to be doing this art.

I've learned a lot doing this. I have a great time with it, every time I sit down I learn something new. I get to make a mess, I get to play with ink and tools that I've never used before and every time I step away my hands are splotched-up with ink. Every time I step away from, I feel excited to get back and make more.

I continue to improve and understand what my style is, and I continue to realize, with every piece I make, that my art just that- my art. Maybe it's a bit cliche or rote, but that's the truth of it. The art I make for this project is mine, and it's in a style I would've never developed if I'd just continued listening to all those dweebs in school.

The project, You're In Space And Everything's Fucked, launches on Kickstarter next year- you can sign up for a notification here and you can check out the very awesome demo, complete with just a taste of my artwork, here!

Thanks for reading!

[stimtoybox]

I know you've already answered something similar, but I sometimes think that I might be on the spectrum. I've become more aware of my stimming/need to stim. But I feel like I'm faking it. That I only think that I see the symptoms because I want to be in with the in crowd (my friends, most of them are) or whatever. And I feel like I would've been diagnosed earlier. Idk I'm just really afraid of bringing this up with my therapist.

It’s okay to be afraid of bringing this up, anon. Bringing anything up with a therapist or psychologist is scary, and this is a big thing to bring up. Especially if you have any reason to feel as though you’ll be ignored or dismissed, and given the ableist ideas many professionals have about autism and how it presents, there is a chance of having to endure the pain of this. It’s a very real, very valid thing to fear, and I think we’ve all felt it at some point.

It’s also okay to feel like you’re faking it. But, honestly, I can’t imagine anyone wanting to be autistic that doesn’t have a connection or similarity of experience that draws us to the label. Being openly autistic means opening yourself up to an awful lot of ableism. It’s hard, scary and sometimes incredibly dangerous. I’ll be honest and say that this word is one of the better things that has ever happened to me, in that it has given me a label, a connection, a community, a way to conceptualise all that is strange in me - and it has opened the door for me to conceptualise other identities (being aro and grey-ace, things I consider connected to autism in me, like my lack of gender). Being able to go back and look at my characters through the lens of I am autistic and accidentally writing characters who are also autistic was a delight I find hard to put into words. But … it is dangerous to be autistic. It means not being understood by so many medical professionals; it means being dismissed. It means having your stims questioned on the street by strangers. For me, it meant having to quit a job because “not being able to control my facial expressions because I’m autistic” wasn’t good enough when a customer got angry at me. It means people having a label to put to your difference and that label used against you.

What I mean is this: on the off chance anyone is actually faking autism to be popular or part of a crowd, they’re opening themselves up to an awful lot of awfulness. That’s an incredibly high price to pay for connection. (I know we autistics are awesome people, but I don’t think many allistics are willing to endure the social consequences of being autistic in return for that awesomeness.) The reality is that most of us are trying to fake allism (consciously or unconsciously) to be popular or part of a crowd, not the reverse.

If you think you might be autistic, please explore it. Please. Follow autistic blogs, track the #actuallyautistic tag here on Tumblr, ask questions of autistic people. The worst that can happen is that you find out you’re not autistic, but you come away having learnt more about us. That harms nobody.

I can tell you, from the very depths of my heart, that time and age has nothing to do with the validity of your diagnosis. Nothing. It has everything to do with the fact that parents, doctors and teachers are awful at recognising autism, especially if you aren’t a cis white boy. Even then, if your autism presents a little atypically, you can still fall through the cracks. It’s only relatively recently that SPD symptoms were even included as part of an autism diagnosis, meaning people with communication skills good enough to muddle through (people like me) were overlooked entirely. It didn’t matter that I had few friendships growing up; it didn’t matter that I lacked a lot in interpersonal skills; it didn’t matter that I had no small talk skills, or any meaningful conversation skills, unless it happened to be a special interest of mine. I could rattle off a script for buying items (after many years of trying to figure this out) and I didn’t stim too much (largely because it had been abused out of me) so I was just shy and quiet, and my parents never mentioned the screaming matches we had about their stealing my pillow (to replace it with a “better” one) to our family doctor.

Anon, I was diagnosed last year. I’m thirty. (I’m a bit older than most people here. I don’t usually give my age out online other than “adult” because, as a writer, so much of my personal details are already readily accessible. But I think, today, this is something you need to know.) True, I’d been told at seventeen by an autistic friend that she and her mother thought me autistic. True, I’d been told at twenty-eight that my psychologist, parent of an autistic son, thought me very similar to him. True, I’d been told at twenty-nine that an autistic friend thought a character I wrote was based on her … when it was actually an exploration of my own SPD symptoms. True, I’d self-dx’d as having SPD for a couple of years. So when I underwent a BPD assessment only to have them tell me that they suspected I was autistic and assessed me for that … well, the evidence was there, but as I’ve said before, I was still shocked. And then I was angry, so angry.

The evidence was there, and two strangers saw it after a couple of one-hour sessions, but so many people who’d known me all my life (the people with the power to improve it) didn’t see it or refused to say the word. How could they have not have seen it? How did they all make me go so long before a professional finally said the word? How was it that I had to spend so many years feeling different, feeling alienated from all the things people don’t struggle with, until finally someone professional told me I’m autistic?

(Of course, now I know more about professionals, I don’t consider their words very important. Reading autistic people’s posts here on Tumblr affirmed my autism. Seeing how similar their challenges and feelings and experiences are to mine affirmed my autism. We are not identical - very autistic is different - but we have enough in common that autism is right for all of us.)

Yet, when I came online, I discovered that this is normal. So normal. That there are women and NB people who are being diagnosed in their thirties, forties, fifties and older. That so many people are only now getting the word that makes sense of their lives. That ableism, racism and misogyny all combine together to routinely deny many people a diagnosis that gives us understanding, identity and community.

As a late-diagnosed autistic, I swear to you that there’s many reasons why you might not have been diagnosed earlier, and none of them invalidate your autism.

My advice is the same as in this post, if you decide you want to bring this up with your therapist. But please know that you can take your time. Do it at a pace that is comfortable for you, if you want to. And if you don’t want to, don’t! If you choose to self-diagnose, the vast majority of the autistic community considers it good enough (as we should) because we know how many of us are missed by professionals. We know the professionals are awful at recognising autism and we’re not going to let their biased viewpoint keep our own from connecting with us and sharing the resources we have.

It’s natural to feel the way you’re feeling, anon, but I don’t believe you’re faking or doing this to be popular. I believe you’re discovering similarities in your own experience, those similarities drawing you to connect with other autistics. ND folk (even unknowing ND folk) tend to folk together - other ND folk make better sense to us, after all!

It’s hard for me to message with people because of my chronic hand pain, so I tend to be quite erratic in this (and if it’s been a high ask day I might not get to them at all that day, so expect that, too) but if you need to talk to me about this, the message box on my personal blog is always open, okay?

Best of luck, anon.

- Mod K.A.

[goetzeus]

BVB Feiertagsmagazin w/ Marco Reus (28/01/17) - English translation

Nobby: I'm really happy that Marco's here with me today for the return of the second half of the season. He has already announced that it's gonna be a close game of Goal or No Goal today. You're very well prepared, you have watched the last 600 goals of Borussia Dortmund.

Marco: (laughs) I asked Fritz. He knows practically everything.

Nobby: Fritz... that's your Phone-A-Friend lifeline, isn't he?

Marco: That'd be a good idea...although... he can't see the screen... or we do it via facetime but I don't know if he has facetime...

Nobby: (laughs) Or if he knows how to use it.

Marco: Or if he knows how to use it, right...

Nobby: Well, Marco, you had to be patient for a long time. Since the end of November you're back. How was the time before that and how do you feel now?

Marco: Of course that period of time was though. I was really impatient, I'm already an inherently impatient person and it was hard to just sit in the stadium each time and not being able to help the team but I stayed patient and worked really hard for my comeback and I'm working even harder now in order to stay fit and improve a bit.

Nobby: There was a moment of shock against Bremen. I was in front of my tv thinking "Please... not the leg!" You thought you could go past him somehow but then Drobný still hit you hard. You could see it on tv for a second, that looked really deep and severe. But we're glad you got off lightly because we need our Marco, especially against Mainz.

---INTERLUDE---

Nobby: You scored ten goals against Mainz. There's no opponent against which you scored more goals.

Marco: That's nice!

Nobby: Is there anything like a favourite opponent?

Marco: (sighs, starts thinking)

Nobby: (laughs) I can already see that you don't think about such things.

Marco: Not much to be honest. But um yeah... why should the stats lie? Of course, I'd be happy if things continue like this but we obviously know that it's tough, especially in Mainz, that we've always struggled in the last few years and that it has always been a close call. There have always been a lot of tackling and I think it won't be any different this time. It's important that we're focused right from the very first second and...

Nobby: Mainz is just very disciplined. Always.

Marco: Yes absolutely! Especially on home ground they're very disciplined, they stay in their formation particularly during pressing and we have to try to find a good solution.

Nobby: Coming back to Bremen: Apart from your 'souvenir' that you brought back home it was a successful start of the year 2017. What lessons do you draw from such a game?

Marco: We didn't do too well, especially in the second half where we have been outnumbering them for quite a while already. Defensively as well as offensively. But you basically never know how you'll do after the winter break. We talked about a lot of things and you couldn't get much of a glimpse of what we practised but the win is what's most important right now. We had a few weeks to get ready and to practise the things we weren't able to practise because a lot of us had been injured. I think we'll be able to show some sort of defensive stability in Mainz and offensively we always have the potential to score a goal.

Nobby: My next question would've been: What's crucial in Mainz. Certainly making sure to keep a clean sheet and then score a goal with our fast strikers.

Marco: Well, not only. It takes eleven, especially for defending, that's just the way it is. Generally speaking we always want to keep a clean sheet and keep it tight and do well defensively but sometimes the opponent just does it really well. But I think it's on us and if we live up to our potential for 90 minutes which so far, we haven't managed that often and which it's about time for then we'll hopefully win this game.

Nobby: I completely agree.

---INTERLUDE---

Nobby: Auba is back! I think you are particularly happy about that. You two are very good friends. Was he sad because he 'got kicked out so early'?

Marco: Yeah, of course. I think he was the hope of his nation, especially because they hosted the tournament. He really hoped to get really far, I know that and yeah... they haven't lost a single game but they also haven't won one and that's tough. But I think he could 'shoot out' his frustration during training yesterday. Obviously we're happy he's back and that he's ft and healthy and now we hope he'll gain back more of his confidence and that he'll help us.

Nobby: Were you in contact during the tournament?

Marco: Yeah sure! We talked via facetime and I wrote him after his elimination.

Nobby: I think that's important. You're friends!

Marco: Of course. But Auba is robust mentally and has already experienced some things so...

Nobby: We're sad, obviously. Neven is going to Köln on loan for half a year, Adrian's farewell is also official. What are you going to miss about these two?

Marco: They were go-to guys for the team. Adrian was a really funny guy, really kind...

Nobby: Everyone says that.

Marco: Yes he's... Adrian is just Adrian. He's so kind and very calm. We've always called him "Little Diabolo". So I think I will still be in contact with him and it's the same with Neven. He's been here for years and has celebrated a lot of things. In the end it's his decision and we hope that he'll get back to 100% fitness play in Köln.

Nobby: That's understandable.

Marco: Yes absolutely! Every football player wants to play football and if it doesn't work out in one club you'll have to look for other alternatives to get match practice.

---INTERLUDE---

Nobby: Auba is going to get his prize (BVB goal scorer of the year 2016) next week. You can congratulate him into the camera.

Marco: Yeah Auba... I would've loved to snatch this prize from under your nose but the viewers have decided in your favour. You deserved it! Stay the way you are and have fun!

Nobby: You're not envious of him. Another title...

Marco: Another one for me? Because I have so many already, right? (laughs)

---GOAL OR NO GOAL---

[tcportfoliomgj]

Wednesday, 9th of June, 2021

"There is really nothing so good for thinking, for clearing your mind, for acquiring fresh, unexpected thoughts than crossing the borders of your homeland." - Jeroen Lutters

So today is the day. Well, technically tomorrow, but I have to hand this portfolio in at 8:00, so that basically means I have to finish and hand it in tonight. Things are a little chaotic. I think I've covered most of the competencies and such, but I still need to do a part of creativity, collaboration and professional challenges. I need to do critical thinking as well (though it's already woven in some other posts too), but I'll do that in another post.

At the start of the year, we had to do a PC with our learning teams. This meant I had to do it with Nynke and Marije. We decided to focus on the ideal classroom and wanted to make a 'guide' for other teachers. I must admit, we didn't always take it that seriously and I would do things differently now. Later, Stijn joined the team and he was able to really add something to our project even though he joined near the end. Our final product was a Padlet (appendix 23), something that I would certainly change if I had to do it now. It's not bad, especially not for a first PC, but I think I would prefer to have a booklet, a neater webpage or a more brochure-like product. Still, I learned a lot from it. I did the research for it and got to practice using databanks and such.

My second PC however, is a lot better in my opinion. It's not finished yet, but I think we might continue this project next year. I worked with Joyce, Marije, Kimberly, Dominique and Eva. Ton was our coach and Bert Wienen our 'client'. But let's take it back to the beginning...

One day, the girls and I started talking about something that was said in a webinar. It was about teachers and whether or not they should also help students with personal problems. At some schools, they keep those things strictly separate. The teacher does the teaching, and everything else is done by other professionals. We found this a little shocking. Sure, teachers aren't psychologists and I don't think they should ever try to be. However, a student's personal life can affect their academic life, so shouldn't we as teachers be there for them to lend an ear and support them? We started questioning what we heard and what we already knew. Pretty soon, the idea formed to make this our PC, but we didn't really know how yet.

We worked on the basics first, like making a group contract (appendix 24) in which we decided on some rules concerning our behaviour, et cetera. Then through Ton, we got in contact with Bert Wienen, as we needed a 'client' for our professional challenge. I've mentioned Bert before, because of his research. I was a bit apprehensive about working with him, because of what he had written and of what he had said in a lecture, but I did want to give it a chance. Together with Ton, we had a brainstorming session. We decided that we could definitely work with Bert, but that we didn't have to focus on labels and diagnoses. We wanted to keep it more general than that because being an involved teacher that coaches also means you want to help everyone with personal problems, not just the ones who are labelled with a certain 'problem'.

We started talking to Bert and quickly came to the conclusion that we already know a lot about what teachers think, but that it's just as important to know what students think. Eventually, we decided that we would conduct preliminary research to help Bert with his research. We wanted to interview students of different ages and focus on student voice. Perception isn't always the same as reality, but it does show us how people experience reality. In fact, the perceptions of students form their views of education and influence their behaviour (Quaglia & Corso, 2017). Because it was preliminary research, we didn't have to worry about all the technicalities. This way, Bert really gave us the opportunity to focus on the interviews.

We made a design canvas (appendix 25) together and started preparing the student interviews. We wrote a project plan (appendix 26), with me taking the lead since I had already had a semester of Project Management when I studied Global Project & Change Management. We also created an interview guideline (appendix 27). This way, we can draw a conclusion from open conversations because in every conversation we have recurring questions. Kimberly and Dominique conducted the interviews on VO, while Joyce did it on PO. We are currently in the process of transcribing all the interviews and we haven't really decided what our final product will be, but we will after the portfolio deadline. We think the conclusion will be that not all students need a teacher to take on a coaching role, but they often do appreciate it. The close proximity of a safe haven isn't the most important, but the knowledge of there being one (Stevens & Bors, 2013, p. 77). We also plan on continuing with this PC next year. Hopefully, we'll be able to take the next steps in our research.

I would say our PC has gone pretty smoothly so far. We communicate quite well and are very honest with each other. We created a space in Microsoft Teams so we could easily share files and work in documents together. Setting up a team collaboration environment can be encouraging and makes it easy to work on a project together (Horine, 2017). We decided that we'd use Whatsapp for daily interactions. Face to face would've been an ideal way to communicate, but because of the pandemic, this was a bit hard. Near the end of the academic year, we were able to work on campus and talk face to face, which made things a lot easier. We used Teams video calls when we weren't able to meet on campus and also to organise meetings with Bert. We'd email him whenever we needed to update him on the project.

I would definitely describe our project group as a 'high-performing team', as Horine (2017) calls it. He says that high-performing teams have a core set of traits. The first trait is clarity. Teams need to know where they are going, what they are going and how they are doing it. I think we had a very clear plan and stuck to it quite well. High-performing teams also show commitment. As a group, we all felt very responsible for this project and wanted to go the extra mile, we were definitely invested and willing to put in the time. According to Horine (2017), the team should also be professional. The members take responsibility and do the assigned work. I think that we, as a team, did handle things professionally. Of course, we would joke here and there, but when we had to get down to business we were always able to get into that mindset. Then there is synergy, the fourth trade. I think this took a while for us, but after some weeks we really started to understand what worked well and who could do what. We started to really use our talents and performed really well as a team. Lastly, there is trust. Trust is of course earned over time, but I think we got to a good level of trust quite quickly. We were honest and open, this way we were able to discuss minor problems and easily work through them. All in all, I think we did really well as a team, and I'm quite proud of us and of our work. I definitely think we showed some courage because interviewing students about a topic like this isn't easy. We focussed on a very relevant topic however and we were very persistent. Sometimes things took a while to move forward, but we never gave up. Something we could improve on might be our focus on a final product, taking more risks and being more self-aware so we could use our talents a little more than we already did.

However, there were also some creative journeys and processes this year that didn't go that well at all. An example of this is the documentary we had to make for Art Based Learning. I wanted to do this alone and my first idea was to make a satirical documentary on the Dutch pluriform society. However, I was very behind on a lot of the work and I tend to be a little impulsive and sporadic. At one point I changed my topic to menstruation because I thought it would be cool to take a taboo topic and turn it into an awesome documentary. But it wasn't easy. I'm not the most structured person, and I easily get stuck during projects because of the simple step by step process. When I think I'm stuck or can't do something, I just block all my motivation to keep going and sometimes give up quite easily. It's not unusual for people with ADHD to struggle with going through a process (Regelink, 2020). Eventually, I was so behind on all the assignments that I decided to admit that I was struggling. I think it's important to not see it as giving up. Admitting that you need help or aren't very good at something can be very hard. Bart very kindly took me under his wings and asked me to join his documentary. He was doing it on a very personal topic but needed someone to conduct research to support his work. I quite like doing research so I was very happy with the job. I found him some news articles and went through government reports for him, highlighting all the relevant information. I will say, I still very much see it as Bart's documentary. Also because he is telling a personal story. I only helped him with the research for it.

I think the beautiful thing about Bart's documentary is that he opens up to all of us to simply tell his own story. His story is not representative of all adopted kids in the world of course, but he also doesn't try to do that. He just tells his own story, while also being aware of the other perspectives out there. The documentary shows multiple sides of a very complex and heavy subject and Bart is respectful of all sides too. His documentary gives to stuff to think about. What's good or bad isn't decided, things just are the way they are, with all the experiences that come with it. He gives you space to just let it all wash over you, you can think about it, take a little while and then form your own opinion. Bart's experience with adoption is not related to the government reports on adoption, but because he still involves it in his documentary you can see that the topic is way bigger than just Bart's story. And still, it's his documentary, his story. It's storytelling in such a beautiful and cool way. Everyone can learn and grow from it.

Another assignment that didn't go too well was the final paper for VMT3 (a history course I took for 'vakinhoudelijke onderwijseenheid'). The course itself went really well. Bas, our lecturer, uses the SALT method, where you basically have an assessment every week instead of at the end of a course. This way, you keep up with the theory learned. Most students start cramming right before an exam, but all that knowledge is very easily lost because of the forgetting curve. Students cram but they never get back to it (Van der Meijden, 2021). I did really well during the weekly oral assessments. I thoroughly enjoy history and I loved Bas' lectures, but VMT3 was only worth 4 EC's, so we had to end it with a final assignment to get to the 5 EC's that we needed. Bas gave us two options, we could either write about the SALT method or write a guide to revolution, using the French Revolution as your example. I chose the latter but my planning wasn't very good. Bas even gave me an extra week, but I wasn't able to finish it. I decided to let it go and hand in my unfinished work (appendix 28) because I had to move on. I'm not very proud of it, especially because I know I can do better and really wanted to do better. We haven't gotten our feedback yet, but Bas did tell us that we passed the oral assessments. I think for me this all adds to my learning journey, some (creative) processes go really well, some not so well. But it shows me that I need to work on my planning skills and my self-discipline.

Still, I think I did fairly well this year, and it also shows in the feedback I've received. A lot of student in TC1 wanted to give each other feedback so we decided it would be a good idea to create a platform where we could do this. I made a Padlet (appendix 29) for our year where we all could give each other feedback if we wanted to. Some students didn't really feel the need to join in this, but some really enjoyed the Padlet and found it quite helpful. I definitely enjoyed reading the feedback people wrote for me.

All in all, I think we've all grown a lot this year. With our creative process, our ability to communicate and collaborate, and just as humans in general. I'm proud of us.

🎵 Riptide - Vance Joy