#i CANT BELIEVE WE LIVED THERE BEFORE I WAS ON TUMBLR AND MISSED OUR MOMENT

[hyunpic]

list of songs hyunjin has played on his lives/recommended:

note: im probably missing some & i couldn’t put links to all of them cause apparently tumblr has a link limit 🤨

lauv: julia, lonely eyes, invisible things, paris in the rain, never not, im so tired, the story never ends, i like me better

offonff: photograph, cigarette (ft. miso & tablo), dance, bath

beyoncé: crazy in love (remix)

billie eilish: i love you, &burn, idontwannabeyouanymore, ocean eyes, before i go, tv

honne: day1, la la la that’s how it goes

christina perri: a thousand years

shawn mendes: mercy, treat you better, in my blood

dvwn: phobia

dpr live: jam & butterfly

jehwi: dear moon

leehi: rose

bts: dna, waste it on me, make it right

colde: where love begins, string (ft. sunwoojunga), the museum, wa-r-r, your dog loves you (ft. crush), control me, a song nobody knows, im in love

got7: miracle, hard carry

justin bieber: lonely

josef salvat: call on me

taemin: criminal

night off: sleep

sam kim: make up (ft. crush), like a fool, sunny days summer nights

niki: lowkey

iu: the visitor, lullaby, knees, love poem, give you my heart, my sea

cha ni: starlight

sia: snowman

akmu: happening

sunwoojunga: run with me

the black skirts: everything

korea cracker: ocean (ft. hoyeon kim)

cosmic boy: can i love?

penomeco: no.5 (ft. crush)

yerin baek: blooming memories, limit

10cm: so…., however

day6: i’ll try, love me or leave me, when you love someone, you were beautiful, congratulations, zombie, days gone by, afraid

dean: d (half moon), instagram, what 2 do, bonnie & clyde

exo: first snow, the eve, love shot

sam fischer: this city

jukjae: do you want to walk with me?, lullaby

ph-1: nerdy love (ft. yerin baek), as i told you

baekhyun: love again, un village

amine: blackjack

young k: come as you are, guard you

flume: say it (ft. tove lo)

twice: dance the night away, fancy

ariana grande: thank u, next

hajin: we all lie

about: it has to be you

caroline says: winter is cold

h.e.r: u, wait for it

bol4: to my youth

monday kiz: winter is as i wished

paul kim: the road, additional

sweden laundry: the winter

jung seung hwan: in that winter

chungha: gotta go

zion.t: no make up, snow

airman: gloomy star, i’ll be your spring (ft. j_ust)

motte: dont run away

seventeen: a-teen, super

khalid: location

lukas graham: 7 years

imagine dragons: believer

bo kyung kim: dont think you are alone

jung ilhoon: spoiler (ft. babylon)

davichi: falling in love, 이 사랑

coldplay: everglow, viva la vida

lyn: my destiny

jus2: focus on me, long black, senses (jpn version)

crush: beautiful, you and i

ed sheeran: lego house, perfect, photograph, beautiful people

croosh: why

20 years of age: x

tori kelly: paper hearts

seulgi: always

luna: do you love me? (ft. george)

wisue: someone’s shining

epik high: eternal sunshine

jp saxe: if the world was ending

seori: fairy tale

bruno mars: marry you

the weeknd: earned it, die for you

jung seunghwan: its raining, an ordinary day, dear

sam tinnesz: play with fire

post malone: motley crew

jihyo: stardust love song

kim feel: your voice

sung sikyung: solar system, heejae

younha: stardust

wonpil: a journey

taeyeon: invu, some nights, toddler, drawing our moments

nct dream: boom

ha hyunsang: 3108

huhgak: memory of your scent

se so neon: nan chun, a long dream, midnight train, stranger

umi: remember me

tvxq!: mirotic

johnny balik: honey

red velvet: psycho

new jeans: hype boy

christian kuria: losing you

cigarettes after sex: k. , each time you fall in love, sunsetz, apocalypse

dpr ian: nerves, no blueberries, 1 shot

samm henshaw: broke

woodz: drowning

kelly clarkson: underneath the tree

kimmuseum: to you who cant sleep

taylor swift: betty

lana del rey: young and beautiful

harry styles: watermelon sugar, she

pink sweat$: honesty

masego: tadow

olivia rodrigo: vampire

troye sivan: youth, for him

kai: mmmh

2pm: my house

oasis: wonderwall, hey now

mac miller: that’s on me, everybody

nothing but thieves: amsterdam

bren joy: sweet

back number: i love you

mac ayres: next to you, roses

daniel caesar: blessed, ocho rios, get you (ft. kali uchis), take me away (ft. syd), do you like me?, disillusioned

green day: dilemma

puma blue: already falling

bruno major: nothing, easily, places we won’t walk, the most beautiful thing, old soul

[danny-chase]

Yer a lil cutie patoot :)

Also lol what if Young Justice were all actual RPI students? What’s everyone’s major? What clubs are they in? Are they RAs/LAs?

Kadjska I've thought about this too much after seeing this (for those of you who don't know that's our goddamn college's freshman dorm)

Aight lets go, majors (slashes are dual majors we do that):

Tim - undeclared engineering -> CSE because Bart wanted someone to take data structures with and now he's in too deep, minors in cog sci and phys

Bart - GSAS/CS -> GSAS/E-arts

Kon - Business, math and econ minors

Cassie - MechE/Aero

Anita - EE/CSE (best majors I'm biased)

Cissie - ME -> BME, minor in math

Greta - Biochemistry minor in physics

Various headcanons

They're all in board game club (pshh I'm not biased), which is how the girls group met the guys group

Tim, Bart, and Kon all procrastinated and didn't pick roomates and got signed up to triple in Barton together

Tim and Bart are in the Pokemon Go club

Kon is (not so secretly) in the yugioh card club

Cassie, Anita, Cissie, and Greta have a DND campaign going, Anita's DM they met through the club freshman year and get an apartment together sophomore year

I feel like Anita and Greta would make great LAs and Cassie and Cissie would be awesome RAs

Bart plays ultimate frisbee

Kons a hockey player

Cassie is a mentor for the local robotics team

Cissie's on LEAP this is non negotiable

Anita is a math mentor for IPERSIST

Greta's in WMP (women's mentoring program), she ropes all the other girls in the following year

They all play intramural dodgeball together, despite Tim having multiple concussions throughout their season

Cissie is in RPI players and archery

Anita and Greta are in key club

Greta is in band she plays the tuba cuz i said so

Tim is in the radio club and later joins the embedded hardware (i think that's it's name) club

Kon does the improv comedy club

Anita is on ballroom dance team and NSBE

Bart's also kinda in game dev and is totally in the DDR club

Cassie, Anita and Cissie are in SWE

They tear the boy's door of its hinges and sled down EMPAC hill freshman year

Tim and Bart die in data structures together, no one sees them for 2 weeks straight and all of a sudden they're back again, they probs take it first semester with Cutler (Tim signed up a week late, they both had comp sci credits)

Anita would get on with Prof. Sawyer really well and probably be a TA for Circuits

Anita and Tim gripe about how hard ECSE is all the time guys it sucks it's awful I'm okay

Tim and Cissie both had breakdowns due to data structures and intro to eng design respectively, Cissie screamed at her group ala Cissie yelling at the JLA style, and now they both go to counseling

Kon is relentlessly bullied for being a business major but the inherits Lex's business sense and makes more than everyone combined

They all explored the basement of West Hall, Greta pretended to stay behind, but instead she ran over there first and freaked the fuck out of everyone pretending to be a ghost

Barts part of the underground furry ring

Tim cosplays for genircon

Bart was fine at CS he literally just got bored during algo and switched

Barts that one GSAS student who does immaculate work but if he's bored he does nothing at all, so only like 3 people can work with him - 90% of the battle is keeping him invested in the game

Cassie and Cissie climb up on the roofs of buildings to make out get time away from the chaos

Dick dropped Tim off at school because Bruce was on a business trip, and did that thing that my mom did and invited a random person (Greta) to dinner so he could ensure Tim had at least one friend

Tim got out of arch because he got a summer internship at WE, Cassie got out for academic reasons

The girls definitely have bathroom talks at least once a month

Kon dresses as SIS man for halloween

The boys use the barton couch cushions to make forts when they live there

I can keep going but i think this is too much already keiajdifo guys RPI's a fucking nerd school and i for one am a fucking nerd

[pigstepmp3-moved]

holy hell, gamers, i finally reached one whole thousand followers! how bonkers is that! when i first made this blog in december 2018, i was just trying to start over in a new fandom. ive been active on tumblr for a looong time (since i was like 11, which is. not great, but we wont get into that). i cant remember quite why i decided to remake, but i never imagined getting a higher following than i did before, but i did! 1000 followers is bonkers, i’ve never had a thousand of anything! i seriously cant thank each and every one of you enough, whether you followed me for 911 or for mcyt or for whatever!

now, since ive reached this absolutely bonkers milestone, im feeling particularly sappy! so under the cut, i have some friends and mutuals tagged who are super great n who are always an absolute pleasure to see on my dash! <3 again, thank you all so much! (ps, if we’re mutuals and i didnt tag u in this, that doesnt mean i dont love and appreciate you!! i mostly am just picking people to tag based off how often i see them on my dash! i love all of u so much <3)

♡ 911 FRIENDS ♡

(aka the ogs, aka the fire fam)

♡ @lovelessmotel ♡ emily!! god, where do i even begin with how much i love and adore you!! i know youre one of my big sisters, but wow i am so proud of how much youve discovered yourself since we’ve met!! like wow, look at this epic, gorgeous person whos one of MY close friends! im so lucky to be friends with you! thank you so much for being my friend, i appreciate you and all the sisterly advice you’ve given me more than i can ever put into words!

♡ @eddiediaz-buckley ♡ sav!! mom!! i love u so unbelievably much!! i am so unbelievably grateful for you and everything youve done for me! all the advice youve given me and all the times youve let me vent to you have been so important to me and i cannot thank you enough for all that. im soso appreciative of you and im so glad that i have someone as amazing as you as my mom/big sister (we’ll never really figure out our fams family dynamics, will we?) (ps, whenever i go outside and have my keys with me, its always so comforting to feel the keychain you got me! its like my moms with me everywhere i go!)

♡ @liesoverthec ♡ bonbonbonbon!!! i love you so much, you wouldnt BELIEVE how much i love you!!! im so glad we met bc you are so unbelievably kind!! there is a very good reason a nickname for u is bonbon bc you are just as sweet as candy!! maybe even more so!! i love having you as one of my big sisters, you give such wonderful advice and talking to you always makes me feel a million times better!! i love you and i am soso glad i get to call you my friend!

♡ @marauder-girl ♡ sabsabsab!! i love u so much, u funky lil future lawyer!! im so proud of u and i can hardly believe ur gonna be my Lawyer big sister!!! thats so awesome!! i cant believe such a rad person is one of MY friends!! how lucky am i!! i love having you as one of my big sisters, youre so kind and funny and talented and your advice has always been so helpful to me too! thank you so much for being my friend and for always being there for me!!

♡ @nighting-gale17 ♡ cait, my love, my wifey!!! wowowow i love u so much!!! im so glad we’re friends, you are so unbelievably lovely!! youre also so unbelievably talented like??? hey queen wanna hand some of ur writing ability over to the unfortunate (like me). i’m so glad we’re friends, youre so sweet and even tho we dont talk as much as we used to, i still have SO much love for you in my heart

♡ @africaneuropean ♡ rae, my father!! i love u so much!! i know we havent talked at all in. who knows how long. but i still have so much love for u in my heart!! you are so iconic and cool and funny, im so glad i met you n became friends with you!! ur one of the coolest people i know, i hope i can be as cool and mysterious and wonderful as you one day

♡ @evaneddie ♡ DHYL!!! dhyl pickle i love u so much!!! whenever u pop into my inbox with random nice messages, every part of me lights up!!! u are so kind to me and for what!! i miss talking to u as much as we used to, you are so sweet and you are such a good friend!! i love u n im SO proud of how far youve come with gif making, i still remember when u first started n youve gotten SO amazing at gifs lately!! i love u soso much n im so glad we’re friends, youre so awesome!!!

♡ @basil-the-writer ♡ des!!! i love u so much!!! i know we’ve never rly talked all that much but im glad we have interacted in the ways that we have!! u are so sweet n so talented!! like the fact that u have the patience for those lil video edits u do?? that is so cool!! all ur edits are so cool, i cannot imagine being able to make stuff like that without dying every single time. u are so cool n i love being able to call u my friend!!

♡ GRIFF ♡

(aka griff)

♡ @yawnralphio ♡ u get ur own section bc u are my only 911 friend who isnt an og, but thats ok bc u are so swaggy!! i love being friends with u griff, u are so cool and funny and i am so glad that u still want to be friends with me despite all of the horrifying things u’ve learned about mcyt from me jdhfajkdhfa. i love u so much n i am so excited to get to know u more n get closer to u!!

♡ FRUITBLR ♡

(aka mcyt friends)

♡ @fear-epidemic ♡ atlas u are so swaggy and funny!! tumblr funny man!! im so glad we’re mutuals, i love u a whole lot. that one time u me n wilby played bed wars together was so fun even if we’re really bad! n that one time we played on the fruitblr server while on vc was so fun, i loved talking to u n playing with u so much, we gotta do that again sometime. i love u so much chapin n im so glad we’re friends!!

♡ @netheritedream ♡ hari my beloved... i love u so much. like literally so much that its really embarassing. i am so glad u tagged me in that one follow forever post n put the offer on the table to let me join the server. i love being ur dumb lil husband!!! jus like actual fundy, i would risk it all to watch treasure planet with u. i love u sososo much, i wish i could live closer to u so i could actually talk to u more often </333 im going through severe withdrawal, pray for me. im gonna stop talking for now bc if i kept going on, this post would be several miles along n nobody has time for that </3 just know that i love u so much and i love having matching icons n i love being ur husband, i love u so much

♡ @sootswilbur ♡ tommy... i care you so much. little bromther!!! im sososo glad we’re friends bc u are so kind to me all the time n u are so easy to talk to!! ur also so talented, ur writing n ur gifs are so amazing n im so proud of all the awesome stuff u make!! seeing u experiment more with ur gif sets n trying new things is so awesome n inspiring and i love seeing ur experiments work out!! i love u soso much n im so happy to be ur big brother!! (or one of them at least)

♡ @fruitbur ♡ virgil my Other beloved... i love u so much!! u are one of the kindest people ive ever met n im so glad i met u!! i know ive already told u this before but ur tagging system is so sweet n i love seeing u reblog my posts bc im like “yay alastair is gonna tell me that he loves me in the tags :D” i also lovelovelove ur theme, i love the soft pink and the lil aesthetic board that u have pinned, its so nice to look at!!! ily sososo much <333

♡ @theartofmining ♡ hey fruit ily. like genuinely, u are so unbelievably funny that u make my ribs hurt so much. i know we’re like never rly that serious but i love u so much. as much as i joke about hating u, i really am glad we’re friends n i really look forward to becoming better friends with u. i love u a whole lot rain, i love seeing u on my dash bc ur full of good takes n funny posts

♡ @sapnaplive ♡ dream.... bonks our foreheads together... i care u so much. my other half!!! i love u with my whole little heart. u are soso cool and im so lucky to be able to call u my friend!! ur themes are always so cool, i wish i could be half as cool as them!!! ur art is also so epic like??? u are a triple threat: good at art, tumblr themes, AND minecraft building. and ur also so kind!!! u are one of the sweetest people i know, i love u so much and im so glad im friends with u!!

♡ @dreams-little-kitten ♡ corn u are so weird and i mean that in the kindest way possible. u are so cryptic n i love that so much about u. ur like the wilbur to my philza sometimes and i think thats so awesome. that one time u came into my inbox to talk shit about that one cuphead boss was so funny and absurd, i loved that so much. i love You so much. i love how ur just so effortlessly funny, n im so glad i can be friends with u

♡ @dreamsmp ♡  JEL!!!! i love u so much holy cow. u are so sweet!! all the time!!! ur also so talented, ur gifs always look so good!!! i love being friends with u, ur always so nice to me n u always leave rly nice tags when u reblog my gif sets that make me so happy!!! i think about that one time u rbed my fundy gif set n said “FUNDY GIFS” and “GIFS BY FUNDY” it made me so happy!!! i love u a whole lot, im so glad we’re friends :)

♡ @leaguelol ♡ damien!! i love u so much u funky little cryptid!! i love when u pop into the gc just to share cryptic thoughts, u are so strange but i think thats so cool of u!!! i honestly see u kinda like a lil sibling, im always so proud of u when i see ur art on my dash!! u are so talented at art!! i love u so much n i love being ur friend, ur rly sweet n i love seeing u on my dash and in the gc!!

♡ @its5undy ♡ idk why im putting u on this, ur my mortal enemy. jkjk, i actually love u a lot clay! i love joking around with u, ur so funny and for what. im so glad u joined the gc bc i love talking to you so much!! i still love that one time u reblogged that fwt gif set n tagged me in it moments after I reblogged it. i love that u thought about me, that rly warms my heart! i love being friends with u sososo much

♡ @cavalreee ♡ oh hey, another great big fruit!! i dont think we talk all that often, which is a shame, bc ur so sweet!! and also so fucking funny, why is everyone in this friend group so fucking funny, its not fair. i love seeing u on my dash talking with ur other friends, u always have the funniest convos ever. also? ur desktop theme is SO epic, it threw me off the first time i saw it but its so swaggy, just like u!! i love u soso much azzie, n i hope we can talk more in the future bc ur so cool

♡ @technosoot ♡ i love u even tho ur a br*t /j /j /j. jannat u are so unbelievably sweet. im so glad u joined the gc bc u are such a kind presence both in there and on my dash! u radiate very Warm, Friend energy. ur friend shaped. i love u so much n i love being friends with u!! im very eager to become closer friends with u bc u seem like a really amazing friend to have

♡ @sortasortaspicy ♡ les where are u in the gc i miss u </3 i love u so much, u fit in so well from the very beginning n brought so much more fun and laughter into the gc. i dont know u all that well n i dont think we’ve talked one on one like. at all. but id love to get closer to u bc ur so rad and ur so sweet!!

♡ EPIC PEOPLE  ♡

(aka mutuals who are so cool n id love to be friends with u pls talk to me)

@eurytherm ♡ @vampkings ♡ @weelbur ♡ @wilburtheesoot ♡ @quackityskarl ♡ @wimblrscoot ♡ @technofarmer ♡ @wooteena ♡ @bloodforblood ♡ @smpsapnap ♡ @literallynotfound ♡ @hearty-an0n ♡ @enderanboo ♡ @springbonniecpu ♡ @pandascanpvp ♡ @tommylnnits ♡ @strawberrygogy ♡ @timedeo ♡ @nymika-arts ♡ @h-isforhome ♡ @eboykarl ♡ @joe-alkaysani ♡ @betwecouldmakesome ♡ @squirrelstone ♡ @maddieandchimney

[yntcdtyler]

so here’s my lover secret session’s story... 02/08/2019 london 🏹🇬🇧

i got my dm on twitter on july 16th at 5:15pm and i looked at it thinking someone was trying to boo boo the fool me and it was really gonna say something like “stream ME!” so i opened it not thinking much of it and my heart literally SANK when i saw it was actually REAL. i got the phone call 4 days after from a girl called sara who was from Taylor Nation, she told me everything and i was literally in the storage room in work crying.

so it’s finally august 2nd.. i got up at 5am cause i literally had 4 different trains and 2 ubers to catch, when i finally got to my hotel it was around 11am, i checked in and got ready and went to the meeting point. i was literally the first one there so i panicked thinking i was at the wrong place but more people started to show up and immediately everyone formed little friendship groups who they seemed to have stayed with the whole day which was insane. i met lisa and emma which i’d recognised from twitter because we’d been following each other for so long and then georgia, evie & shiv all came over and we all just bonded and instantly became friends and realised we we’re the brits of the group, there were SO many international fans and it was amazing seeing people come from all over the world! our group was first on the bus and i’m not sure why but we were literally all crying like wtf was going on?? we drove past a few ambulances thinking ‘that’s gonna be our ride home after tonight’ cause at this point i’m like dying and then we finally got to THE HOUSE.

we all go inside, the ME! playlist was on, there was a huge moose head on the wall which we all became really intrigued by, a huge mirror to see ourselves ugly crying, there was food & drinks and little m&m’s with ‘lover’ and hearts on them and i have no idea what was going on in my mind at this point, like i didn’t know what to expect.

so then we all go to the living room we’re there was a bunch of cushions on the floor and a chair and speakers in front of us and i KNEW what was about to go down lads, it’s about to happen, we’re about to hear lover and i just wasn’t ready and i was sat THERE in front of the chair and a few minutes later... SHE COMES OUT FROM BEHIND THIS DOOR LOOKING LIKE LIKE AN ACTUAL GODDESS THAT JUST STEPPED OUT OF HEAVEN AND I DEAD ASS DIED RIGHT THERE THINKING ABOUT THAT AMBULANCE I SAW EARLIER ON CAUSE SHE JUST WASNT REAL. so she’s like “welcome to the lover secret sessions” and the noise that came out me was actually not human at all. she played half the album the first and kept apologising for ranting and going off topic which was so funny, she’s so adorable i was literally in awe. then was like “we’re gonna take a break so you can all go the bathroom, have a drink and stretch your legs” and then mentions she’s made us treats and everyone’s like OMG and she’s literally like “it’s just rice crispy treats i dyed in heart shapes” and it was just the funniest thing bc she’s just so sarcastic but they were the cutest things and just knowing she spent time making them was honestly insane. like i ate a rice crispy heart treat..made by taylor swift? sounds fake. so then as she’s passing them around, she’s goes into the garden and starts talking to everyone and thanking people’s parents and let everyone on her trampoline and just shouts “THESE ARE MY KIDS” with a glass of wine in her hand and it was such a taylor swift moment. it was just surreal like wtf? imagine bouncing on taylor swifts trampoline? i would’ve went on it but i wasn’t about to break my neck before listening to the rest of the album x

okay so we go back in to listen to the rest of the album and throughout the whole album listening part, i just kept crying and she kept looking at me and smiling and singing and i was just bloody in shock. there was one point during a song we’re me and georgia we’re holding onto each other crying and she just looks at us and tilts her head and gives us the most warming smile. right there we both died together it was unreal. but the album HOLY SHIT every song was INSANE. i found it so hard to pick a favourite so i have 3, this album is literally her BEST, and this coming from a speak now stan🤝 i was just the happiest i’ve ever been, it just seemed like a dream. seeing her sat there in front of me so happy and in such a good place, feeling so proud of this album and these songs just made my heart feel so full. what i was feeling in that moment is unexplainable. just pure happiness like i knew life doesn’t get any better than this... right it’s time for the meet and greets and everyone goes back in to the other room whilst they got ready and people started queuing then to go in and meet her, she spent so much time with every single person and seeing everyone’s faces coming out that room was so magical. the event was supposed to be over at 11pm and it’s literally 1:30am when it was my time to meet her. she’d literally been meeting people for HOURS and is 2 and half hours past the end time and she didn’t even mind. everyone was so eager to go inside that me and the girls decided to wait till the end.

so evie had just come out and now it’s my turn. i almost fainted, i was so dizzy and nervous and WHEN I TELL U I WAS PETRIFIED TO GO INSIDE, I ACTUALLY MEAN IT BECAUSE I WAS STOOD OUTSIDE THE DOOR REFUSING TO GO IN FOR ABOUT A MINUTE CAUSE I COULD JUST SEE HER STOOD THERE AND I WASN’T READY BECAUSE LIKE I’VE DREAMT ABOUT THIS MOMENT SINCE FOREVER. emma and lisa we’re stood there laughing trying to force me inside as well as a girl from TN. took me a good minute but i finally walked in, i walk over to her trying not to cry AGAIN and she’s stood there smiling at me and she says to me “it’s tyler isn’t it?” and i was like JDJSKDJD “yeah 😭😭😭😭” cause i didn’t think she knew who i was and i was just randomly picked by TN??? she then pulled me in for the biggest hug and i just felt like this is it, i’m gonna bloody pass out. I TOLD HER THAT WAITING IN THAT QUEUE TO MEET HER WAS LIKE WAITING FOR THE ELECTRIC CHAIR and i was like why tf did i just say that omg but she laughed and was like “omg hahaha it’s like waiting for the electric chair that’s so funny” then i gave her the lover necklace i’d gotten made for her so we had matching and she kept saying how much she loved and how beautiful it was. then said “i love your necklace” with a little smirk because i was wearing her ‘TS’ initial necklace and my heart just went HDAJHDJDDH. then she asked did i enjoy the day and i was like of course??? it was so amazing i couldn’t stop crying and she was like “aw i had so much fun, i love doing these” and then she asked how i’d gotten here and i told her that i had to take 4 trains and she looked so shocked and thanked me for doing that and asked if i was travelling afterwards and i told her i had a hotel and she goes “omg good, PLEASE don’t talk to any strangers” and i’m just like YEAH OF COURSE ANYTHING FOR U MISS SWIFT :’)))) i hugged her about 3 more times and i asked her about tour, and how she found me and she said she’d found me on tumblr and literally said “its tylovestaylor right?” and i was just like WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK. IM SCARED. cause i barely use tumblr because i’m the only one who reblogs myself??? and i’d gotten my dm on twitter so my mind was like wtf is going on right now?? i told her i changed my url and she said she’d follow me 🥺 then says “so do you wanna like... take a picture together or something?” YEAH OF COURSE, IM A BIT OF A MESS RN BUT ABSOLUTELY. she asks what i wanted to do for the photo like stand, sit, go near the piano? and i told her to choose because my mind was just all over the place and she says to me “i think one sitting down with our legs crossed over acting all (then does some pose) and stuff” i just couldn’t believe what was actually happening. we sit down next to each other and she grabs my hand and i’m just holding her and the photographer takes the photo and she tells me to have a look to see if i like it and i said i looked so bad and she goes “ITS SO CUTE, YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL AND PHOTOGENIC” then the photographer told me i was really photogenic and tay goes “SEE SHE EVEN SAID IT” did taylor swift..who invented photos and beauty... just call me beautiful and photogenic? surely not. so we took one more pic and she said she loved it so i loved it😭😭😭 we got up and hugged again and i just kept saying i love you and she told me i was beautiful and i was like SO ARE U???? and then i told her that i still don’t believe she’s real and she laughed. we hugged again i told her i loved her as i was walking out she shouts “please get home safely” and i said “have a safe flight wherever you’re going next” at the same time and she laughed and was like “OMG THANKYOU?” and i walked out and the emotions i was going through oh my god. i’d just met my favourite person in the entire world? like never in a million years did i think i’d ever meet her let alone get handpicked for secret sessions. i was in so much shock like it wasn’t real. that never happened? i’m still in shock now and literally crying writing this. she was so lovely and welcoming and spoke to me like she’d known me forever.

AND AFTER ALL THAT, SHE DECIDES SHE WANTS ME LITERALLY DEAD AND LIKES MY POST ON HERE FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER. RIGHT AFTER I’D MET HER.

i couldn’t get over how beautiful she is, inside and out like i already knew that but seeing her in real life is so different, she’s literally flawless and so cute and delicate and i’ll literally die for this woman. thankyou so much, from the bottom of my heart @taylorswift for choosing me out of 100m+ fans, i’ll never understand why i was chosen but i can’t explain how grateful i am. it was by far the best day i’ve ever had in my 18 years of being alive, nothing will ever come close to that moment. i cant wait for everyone else to hear this album, i miss you and your hugs already and i forgot to tell you because my mind was blank but i’m insanely proud of you and will support you forever. promise.

[archiveddvrpg]

We’ve arrived at day four, everyone! Today, the admin team would like to take a moment to appreciate one another. Running a group for two years comes with many moments of excitement and joy. It’s incredible to see the plot make leaps and bound forwards, and watch characters that first began in our heads flourish into the player’s own on the dash. It also, admittedly, comes with its challenges; challenges we embrace with enthusiasm as a team, relying on one another and encouraging one another when life gets demanding.

For a DiVerona admin history lesson — Rosey and Jen first opened the group together in August 2018, preparing diligently to launch DiVerona and bring it to Tumblr after a few years of hiatus. Minnie acted as an invisible admin beginning August 2018, offering advice when requested, and came on as an official admin in MAY, 2019. Julie joined our team as the graphics admin in JULY, 2019 and ushered in a beautiful era and graphics revamp for Act II. Last, but certainly not least, Rogue was welcomed to the admin team in APRIL, 2020 to create stunning, heart-wrenching characters and continue building on the momentum of the plot.

Below, you will find a little love letter each admin wrote for one another. For this particular day, we will not be requiring any activity from our members. Feel free to take a break! If you’d like to show admin appreciation, you are free to do so, but we are not expecting it and hope you do not feel pressured to do so.

Thank you all for a wonderful two years of being admins of an incredible group like DiVerona!

JEN

My fire sign soulmate, my BITCH. As an admin, you bring aLL of the Montague spirit and heart and fire, and it shows in how passionate you are when guiding DiVerona’s story and development. Your creativity? Your flair for drama that inspires the most game-changing plot drops and the most iconic line in this group’s history? I mean, who else could have come up with infant king? For me, Jen, you embody the creative and collaborative spirit of DiVerona, and I treasure the fun you bring to the group and to the team. On a personal level, you have shown up for me time and time again. For that, I am so, so thankful for you. Your honesty is invaluable to me, whether you’re telling me I’m being impulsive or need to calm the hell down. You’re the sense of humor when we need it most, the ride-or-die who both starts adventures and cleans up the messes after, and my dear friend. — MINNIE

I’ve never met someone as passionate as you. You stick to your guns the whole way down and there’s something so deeply admirable in that -- you take such great pride in the things you do and how hard you work and what you bring to the table both as a writer and as an admin. We have exactly the same sense of humor and I love sending you memes and text posts through Discord at like, four in the morning, and seeing a reply from you when I wake up. It’s like taking a shot of orange juice right after rolling out of bed. Wakes me right up! You’re dedicated to the end, even when you’ve struggled, and I think that spokes both to your character and who you are as a friend. You’re like a sister to me in the sense I feel like we see right through each other, and I couldn’t be happier to know someone like you and get to work with you, even on opposite sides of the world. Our calls together are one of my favorite things to do -- we just click. <3 -- JULIE

Getting closer to you, Jen, has been one of my favorite parts of coming online as an admin. I have always admired you, I’ve always loved writing with you, but being your friend is one of the most rewarding things in the world. You have such fierce passion for things, all this burning intensity inside of you and an unflinching way of confronting the world that leaves me in absolute awe. The way you can always see around the corner to what a character needs (rather than what they want or what they might say) gives you such a great ability to build masterful plots and expand our world. Our shared weird insomnia has led to so many absolutely insightful, ridiculous, very hazy conversations, and I am shocked the team has put up with us for this long, but also more glad than anything in the world. Every word you write is precious to me, in character or out, and I’m going to save all of them forever so I can drag you within an inch of your life at ANY moment. Like a clingy little barnacle. I treasure both the experience of working creatively with you and of getting absolutely nothing done with you, and I love you with all my heart!! — ROGUE

to my idiot jen, sometimes i really can’t believe how we found each other again. i truly believe that it was no less than fate (and my utter disregard for any sense of self-preservation) that we would come into each other’s lives right when we did. i have never really questioned why or thought too much on how - because truly i cant really recall a moment where i didn’t know everything about you. there are so many things that i love about you: your tuna sandwiches and food pictures, our really really extensive aus, sharing with me every little frightening piece of your heart, forcing vulnerability and honesty and unconditional LOVE and being so very patient with me...over the past two years there has been so much that i’ve learned about you and still so much that there is still left to learn and love. i adore you to the moon and back you idiot. - ROSEY

JULIE

Hopefully you're not cringing too hard over this Very Formal Approach that I'm taking but trust me, if I could throw a meme in here somewhere I WOULD. Anyway, ever since you came on board, you've been nothing but a blessing to the team, and I mean that in every sense of the word. Your graphics and aesthetic vision for the group have inspired us in amazing ways, and beyond that you've lifted the team up with your pragmatic sense of judgement and gentle sensitivity to things. You really represent both sides of the same coin, dude, like… IT BLOWS MY MIND. I'm so happy to be sharing this anniversary with you, and I'm so proud of you and how far you've come ever since I met you, not just when it comes to the growth of your incredible talents but also when it comes to your writing and your maturity and pretty much everything about you. Thank you for being part of this amazing journey with us. I wouldn’t want to share it with anyone else. — JEN

Goosie, I really think you’re the closest thing to a renaissance woman I’ve met, not just in ability but also in who you are. Our entire admin team is pretty creative and original, but you are I think the true artist among us! And while your graphics are truly godlike and unlike anything I’ve ever seen in the RPC before, it’s in your writing I see it most. You’re the most versatile member on the admin team, Goosie, and I think you ground us in so many ways. Not just in doing major graphic makeovers or writing the single most iconic plot drop of DIVerona, but also with your kindness, compassion, intuition and self-awareness. I really would feel a little lost without you, Goosie - not only as an admin, but as a person! Every time you speak, I want to listen; every time you create anything, I want to frame it in a museum. I love you to fucking BITS, and I am genuinely so proud to call you buddy. (I thought about using friend instead, but buddy felt more accurate for us…) — MINNIE

Where would I begin? How can I even write a note when I feel like everything I do and every act I take is part of how much I love you, because it’s like, an entirely indelible part of me? Julie, you’re one of the most talented people in the world. Literally. Your writing is so piercing, so emotionally intelligent and brave and just vulnerable in a way I’ve never seen. Your graphics and art have such a passion to them; I think I love them because they’re beautiful, but I know I love them because I see little parts of you in them that delight me every time. I would crawl across broken glass to be a part of anything you do; I feel so lucky that I’m someone who often gets to see your works in progress, the messy edges of things, the half-finished projects. You bring such warmth to the team and such a grounded, different perspective; there have been so many times where we would entirely miss things if you hadn’t pointed them out when we were blind. You are our cornerstone, the one who anchors and glues us all together in so many ways, and I want to bask in that warm glow of your sunlight forever. — ROGUE

to my dearest julie, i wish i could just put a cody ko meme here but i am ABSTAINING EVEN THOUGH I FEEL LIKE YOU KNOW WHICH CODY KO MEME I WOULD PUT HERE. whenever i think about the times that i dragged you back into my life...like there are so many things in life i thank god i did but keeping you in it EVEN WHEN YOU TRIED TO ESCAPE MY CLUTCHES - that is number 1. having late night conversations with you about literally everything and anything makes my heart feel so full. you have been so much to me and trying to put it into words is really really difficult because none of them feel like they’re ever going to be enough. i love you for so many reasons: your humility, your determination to be there whenever, every single video and podcast you send me, your ability to listen and make people feel heard. you are special and if we are to take on this world i thank god i get to take it on with you. i love you. -- ROSEY

MINNIE

We complete each other and THAT'S JUST THE TEA. I admit, I can be a little over the top and just Too Much sometimes, but you always get me, and it's something that I appreciate more than I can put into words. You're the rock of this team, Minnie, and even though it's a pretty lame way of saying it, it feels right. I truly don't know where the team would be without you, but I know it wouldn't be anywhere near where it is now. You have a way of holding us together, of keeping us steady when we're weighed down or doubtful, with your kind heart, endless calm and unconditional support. I honestly don't know what to thank you for because it feels like there's way too many things and I wouldn't even know where to begin… but thank you for being here and being at our side through everything. I'm so proud of you and the amazing, one of a kind person that you are, and I wouldn't wanna share such a special moment with anyone else. — JEN

When it comes down to it, I think the best word to describe you would be a powerhouse. I’ve never met a woman in my life who works quite as fucking hard as you do -- and if not harder, then smarter, y’know? This past year I’ve spent getting to know you more and more, slowly wheedling you into opening up (motherfucker! We are Known in this house!) and sharing bits and pieces of myself, I’ve come to admire you just for who you are as a person. I’ve learned so much from you in standing my ground and not letting the wind blow me over. You’re funny and witty and sharp as a knife when it comes to your style of prose, and your love not just for Maeve and Paola but for the group shine through everything you do. You’ve held us all together like glue when we needed some extra assistance and let us know when we needed to pick things up, too. You’re open and honest with your feelings and I value that so much about you, knowing I can come to you and lay the cards down and ask your opinion on things and you’ll give it to me straight. I’ve never really had someone “at my back” in the sense of friendship, but oh man, Minnie, you make me feel safe, and I think you’ll know how much that means when I say it. -- JULIE

Oh, no, I’ve already been so embarrassing about how much I love you Minnie!! I suppose it’s only right I do it on main as well. I genuinely feel like I haven’t had another friend in my life who balances with me so well. When we’re united and on our peak shit, we complete each other, shoring up the places where we’re both insecure, making us both feel safer with each other nearby. I’ve written some of my favorite dynamics in RP with you, here at DV, and I don’t think I’d have grown half so much in my outside life or my rp life without you there to talk to. You are also the absolute rock of this team, to steal Jen’s words. When we’re all freaking out and afraid to act or worried about getting stuff wrong, you cut through everyone’s bullshit and get right to the heart of the matter. Your direct and straightforward way of speaking and of loving is a force for good in the world and on the team, and you are also maybe one of the funniest people alive, or at least in my acquaintance. I love your laugh, I love how open you are with your heart when you’re with us, I love you so very much. I want to write with you and talk to you for as long as you let me. — ROGUE

to twin-flame minnie, i wish you could see my face as i type this because this amount of vulnerability is making me like...ew. but minnie your soul resonates with me so much - never would i have ever thought in the time that we’ve known each other (it really did start with a conversation about glitter and then somehow just expanded from there and tbh i am not at all surprised) that i would bare myself to you as much as i have and felt completely and totally understood without having to say things in so many words. i cannot wait for the day when i can sweep you into my arms in a great big hug and i probably will cry when i do because i love you so much. there are too many things to love about you: from your signature giggle, to your ability to take on the world, to your conscientious growth as a person...you give me so much hope. and i don’t think it’s necessary to say anything more than that. i love you. -- ROSEY

ROGUE

When you first joined, you fit into the team so naturally, Rogue, it honestly felt as though you had always been a part of it. I remember being SHOOK AS FUCK at all the incredible things that you were doing in NO TIME, like, right from the start, you crafted the most amazing bios, offered the most rich and intriguing input for the plot, and helped us when it comes addressing issues and concerns in a way that made it all so much easier to tackle over time. Not to mention your sunny presence and the unconditional support that you offer, which never fail to brighten everything when we hit a bump in the road or things get a little tough. It's amazing to consider all that you've achieved and all the ways you've uplifted the team despite being with us for the least amount of time. In my eyes, you've always been with us, and I'm SO fucking proud of you and happy to be sharing all of this with you. Thank you for being a part of this team, and a part of this journey with me. — JEN

Maybe it’s a little cheesy to say, but I think the universe meant for us to meet, and having you on the team with us is a gift. We all mesh together so well and you pull things up out of nowhere on the fly, whether it be individual character plot development or actually writing The Most Iconic Plot Drop Of All Time(TM) and letting me tack on a little flourish at the end. You’re like... the cheese to my cracker, the whipped cream to my slice of pie, the biscuit with my coffee. We complete each other, and you listen to me when I really need to just word vomit all over the floor about something either entirely related or all too related, from time to time. I know if I need to call you anytime I can, and maybe my favorite memory of 2020 so far has been us watching Cats together and just suffering the entire time, but getting through it together. You’re funny, smart, endlessly endearing, work harder than the devil when it comes to threads and replies, and I’m grateful as all get out to have you with me in life!! -- JULIE

ROGUE, YOU REALLY CAME IN HERE AND SAID YEAH, I’M GOING TO SHAKE SHIT UP FROM DAY ONE. Whew, I remember one week you knocked out like four bios back-to-back and I just stood there trying to stop myself from booking a flight to your city and camping out in front of your house like the stan that I am. Sometimes, I still can’t believe there was a day you weren’t on the admin team because you not only fit seamlessly, but you also are just so essential now. Everything you’ve done in the few months since you joined our team, Rogue, has been *chef’s kiss* flawless. From the characters that I’m ANXIOUS to see on the dash to the ways you’ve helped guide our decisions and responses, I can’t imagine DiVerona and the admin team without you anymore! You brighten my day on a daily basis, and I love brainstorming with you, screaming with you, and I just love YOU! — MINNIE

to baby rogue, you see and know my True Sinner Nature rogue and the fact that you, in turn, have shared yours with me makes me feel so warm and bubbly inside - as well as makes me giggle. we really do have this habit of taking little smidgens of inspiration and connections and growing them into something extraordinary. geeking out about anything and everything within that encyclopedic brain of yours is one of my favorite things - our late night conversations, watching cursed together, plucking characters and plots from each other’s names as if they were already written in the stars...i dont know how to live without. there are so many things that i love about you: how you want to make everyone feel seen, how inclusive you are and kind, how you foster such creativity to others...i love and treasure you so very much. and we have so many more characters and worlds to explore together. -- ROSEY 

ROSEY

I don’t think I'll ever forget the day that you asked me if I'd like to be an admin and offered me a spot on the team. It was just you, me and Bree back then and I was way in over my head, but you made me feel at home without even trying, honestly. DV is my first longstanding admin experience and truly the best one I've ever had, and it’s all thanks to you, which is something that I'll always cherish and keep close to my heart. I've looked up to you, learned a lot from you and felt inspired by you over the years, not just because everything was so new to me at the start, but because you're a guiding light for anyone who's lucky enough to have you in their life and share with you the experiences that I have. I'm so incredibly proud of everything we've done together, and proud of you most of all. Thank you for being the one to bring me along for this amazing journey, Rosey, and thank you for going through it with me for two amazing, unforgettable years. — JEN

I think, sometimes, that people think I’m joking when I tell them you saved my life, Rosey Ro, but you did, in a way that I would never have guessed. I felt utterly alone, coming fresh out of a physically and mentally abusive relationship, juggling court dates and other things that seemed impossible to conquer. I’d left Diverona unsure of my present, what I’d considered my past, and my future, but I happened to log into Discord one day and came upon that good ole’ 9+ messages notification. All of them were from you. Every single one. It felt like a sign, of some kind, and so, as I scraped my life together, we chatted and I re-apped for DV, and in spite of tumultuous times on both our ends, I don’t regret a fucking minute of it. You have truly helped me in figuring out who I am as an individual person, where I fit in the world, and with every crisis and “OH SHIT” moment, you’ve been there for me, whether it was in your writing, your jokes, late night calls with you, messages over Whatsapp knee-deep in irritation or excitement. You’re the older sister I never got to have. Without Diverona, my life wouldn’t be the same. Without you, my life wouldn’t be the same. I love you so much. -- JULIE

How far we’ve come since we talked about Greek life parties and glitter… Rosey, my sister sign and my mirror, the mother to my father, I love you very much. Your creativity is – as we all can tell from DiVerona’s success – UNMATCHED, and your heart goes even deeper than I think most people realize. For someone who writes some of the scariest and evilest characters, you are one of the most considerate, thoughtful and empathetic people I’ve yet to meet. Thank you for creating this space and reminding us time and time again that we’re more than just admins; we’re individuals with Big Feelings as well as Big Brains. You did an amazing job, Rosey. It doesn’t get said enough, and if I could, I would tattoo it to your brain if it meant it would stick: you created a beautiful group, and no one can take that away from you. — MINNIE

Rosey, Rosey, Rosey. All of this is your fault. I never thought I would join any kind of mafia RP, always having been prone to more fantastical settings in my preferences, but when you asked me to look around at the bios, how could I say no? How could I have known it would entirely change my life? Before DV and in DV, you and I have written some of my favorite relationships to work on, some of my favorite threads of all time. You pull out such creativity from me that I never would’ve imagined existed in my brain. I love you such a ridiculous amount. I could, would, and do talk to you about anything and everything. I want to spend like 50 years of my life fighting with you over whether Hope from Legacies is hot and indulging in our weird shared white boy thirsts. You are so funny, so talented, so bright, so interesting and I don’t know how I got so lucky as to be your friend. If you and I aren’t writing together when we’re 80 it’s because I died early and tragically and you wore a sexy fascinator to my funeral. — ROGUE

[barefootnoel]

Good Bye Facebook, Good Bye Instagram

May 18th, 2021 is the day I quit Facebook and Instagram. As I sat in front of my laptop with tears rolling down my face from the hurt and pain I was feeling over a recent break up, I knew it was what I had to do in order to not only move forward but get the toxicity out of my life, I am sure many of you can relate to this. As I sat in front of my laptop hurt and angry from my break up for many reasons. He cheated on me, lied to me and started up a new relationship right after we broke up, actually he was cheating on me with this woman, she was in the picture before we went our ways.

When you feel betrayed so many emotions run through you and I am a Capricorn so when we get betrayed we are out for blood. This man I can tell you I loved with everything I had. I took in his children like they were my own, nurtured them, provided for them, cared for them and loved them. He was a difficult man - didn't work full time, complained he was tired all the time. Come to find out he had Diabetes which I held his hand stood by his side and got him through that he now lives a much better life health wise. He also was a very poor communicator he hated talking about anything unless it had to do with gossip about people or celebrities, he was emotionally disconnected and when I look back I should have walked away long before I did.

When I found out he was cheating on me my soul came out of my body, my heart broke in a million pieces. Don't get me wrong I have been down this road with a previous relationship but this time it cut me like a knife - Reason, he knew what I had went through with cheating in my previous relationship, he swore he was different and would never hurt me, he was ready to settle down and make a life together. We broke up at the end of January and by the beginning of February he had his new girlfriend pregnant....the whole time begging to stay at our home and not make him leave.

I tried to build him up, push him to do better and work full time.....he resisted at every turn and considered it confrontation any time I would want to talk about us.

WEAK MEN CANT HANDLE STRONG WOMEN!!!

This brings me to now and why I made the decision to go off the grid and delete my Facebook and Instagram accounts for good. You see a scorned woman does crazy things.....well I shouldn't speak for all women but I do. After he left he was still messaging me everyday morning and night telling me he missed me, still loved me etc.....I became too much for me to bare and deep down inside I knew he was telling the other woman he same things everyday. Your gut never lies and I was right. Monday May 17th I texted him after he had texted me good morning and asked him if we were still going to meet that week. He said yes and he would let me know what day.....I left it at that. But as I sat in my office at my desk tears started to roll down my eyes because I was thinking of his and her social media and them plastering pictures of each other all over their pages and I knew I was now a secret. I went from the woman he was going marry one day to his dirty little secret and I could not handle it anymore.

I could not take it anymore, my heart could not take it anymore. I was holding onto an empty promise and a broken dream. I texted him and told him it is probably best I disappear out of his life. He put up a fuss and then we started arguing and I said to him. "How would your new girlfriend feel if she knew we were still talking and she knew the things we have done and still are doing?" He went quiet of course. No response is a response. So i decided I should message this woman so she knows exactly the kind of man she has committed herself to and pregnant with his child.....Well I am sure you know where this is going it backfired on me.

I messaged her with screenshots of our conversations etc...she at first believed me but then within 12 hours I am getting nasty messages from her. She said one thing that made me make this decision she said "he never put you on his social media" and that there was the rest of the knife going through my chest, I couldn't breath, I couldn't talk at that moment everything came rushing back to me. She was absolutely right he didn't but he was showing her off like a Grammy award. I always wondered why he would never put pictures of me on his social media and I would ask him and he said he was protecting me - when I look back he was ashamed of me. That hurt. Why would he keep a relationship with me if he was ashamed of me???? I have my own ideas but I know I will never get the answer.

I had been planning on deleting my social media for a very long time but this is what solidified me doing it. I came to realize that it is toxic and I had to get off of it ASAP. I was being sucked into a deep dark hole of instant gratification from likes and comments - if people like me on social media then I must be liked, pretty etc......I was losing my self worth and this recent break up did not help.

I couldn't handle the noise any longer and it was filling my brain with misconceptions of reality. I lost everything all my pictures all my memories but I gained something. I gained control of MY LIFE again.

So there I sat with tears rolling down my eyes deleting my Facebook and Instagram. I am now off the grid....you could say but Tumblr is social media. Yes it is however I have for a long time been wanting to start a blog still considering Vlogging too and this is where the healing process begins.

I will say eliminating Facebook and Instagram out of my life is like a crack addict trying to quit crack....I have to stay strong and keep this journey going because I know it is going to be the best gift I ever gave myself.

Please join me on the journey of cleansing and social media rehab....Its going to be a fun ride :)

[reeree1500]

The Return- Part 5

Guys I'm so sorryyyy!😭I HAD MAJOR WRITERS BLOCK😭 It was actually so bad! And then the fact that Tumblr deleted my whole draft and I had to start it over again🙄 Big surprise towards the end btw😂Anyway here's part 5 y'all...

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 6 Part 7 part 8 part 9 Part 10

Disclaimer: My sucky writing, Incest, grammar and spelling😅 and just overall the whole thing😂 please don’t kill me🙏🏽😂 @yanii-the-hippie is already trying to😂

Taglist: @yanii-the-hippie @youbloodymadgenius @laketaj24 @oceans-daughter-3 @peaceisadirtyword @cainismyname @readsalot73 @wuxiesalt @camatsuru @amy8220 @cutegyrl927 @cindy-exo @affection-rabbit @ragnarssonsbitch @mel0nch0ly @queenofallthyfandoms

Flashback to 6 years ago...

“RUN! (Y/N)! RUN!” Helga screamed...

 On that fateful night you had been awakened from your slumber by one very worried Helga. She was the wife of the scary looking man Floki. And you could never come to understand how such a cheerful and radiant person, could be with someone so dark and mean. Helga had come in to the homestead whilst everyone was asleep. She had overheard her husband and Aslaug talk about getting rid of the christian child of Ragnar Lothbrok. She knew about (y/n), but she never thought that an innocent child would have to pay for the sins committed by those around her. 

As Helga made her way silently across the home trying to find the child, she couldn’t help but feel guilty. She was betraying her husband and the Queen at that. But she couldn't get over the fact that an innocent child would be murdered. When she sees (y/n)’s and Bjorn’s bodies cuddle up on the bed, she softly approaches the little girls’ side. Tapping her on the shoulder she manages to wake (y/n) up. Startled you go try tp scream and thats when she places her delicate finger over your lips. Signalling you to be quiet. “Follow me, you and your family are in grave danger.” The feeling of wanting to protect your family from anything consumed you. Even being 13 years old you understood that family came first and that you would gladly lay down your life to save theirs.  With that, you untangled yourself form Bjorn’s embrace and gave him a small peck on his forehead, then you made your way to your parent’s room. You peeked inside to make sure they were asleep and then tip toeing to where they lay in an embrace you softly kissed both of them goodbye.

You knew that this may very well be the last time you ever saw your parents. But, you could tell through the look in Helga’s eyes that whatever she was talking about your family being in danger was in fact the truth. Helga helped you gather some of your things quickly and as you rushed to the door, you almost forgot your teddy. “Wait, I need to grab my teddy. I cant leave without it, its the only thing I’ll have left of them.” You silently whisper towards Helga as she stands watch by the door. “Ok, but you must hurry. They'll be here any second now. And if they find you, I can assure you that no one will survive.” At that you scurry back towards your room. In there you find a sleepy headed Bjorn almost waking up. “(y/n), what are you doing? Come back to bed, you know we’re gonna start your training tomorrow morning.” He yawns out. “Sorry, I'm just really thirsty. Ill get a glass of water and come back ok?” you murmur to him. Bjorn just nods whilst yawning and goes back to sleep. But before you close the door and disappear you can hear him murmur the words I love you...

Your POV

After the moment that we shared in the Great Hall as a family happened. Mother, father, Bjorn and I had gone down to the lake by the old homestead we once lived in. There we all lied down on the grass and I had caught them all up on what had transpired on that night 6 years ago. “So let me clear this up, Helga...as in Floki’s wife. Broke into our home and kidnapped you and then sent you away on a boat to Frankia...” said Lagertha trying to wrap her head around the subject. “Well, mother I wouldn't really put it like that, but technically yes. She kidnapped me in order to save me and yourselves. Or so she claimed. She didn't really get into details on who was after me. She just told me that my life was in danger and I finally believed her when we were being chased by a group of mercenaries.” I respond to her. In that we all fall into silence. Over looking the lake I can tell that my family is processing all this information. Not only because of how quiet they are at the moment, but because I can feel their eyes on me. As if they believe that I shall vanish right in front of them.

“I missed this... Having my family together, overlooking the lake and just the serene and calming effect that this place has on us.” My father breaks the silence as he looks out towards the lake. He runs his fingers through my mother’s hair. And I cannot help but think about how come they never told me. “Soooo... since we’re all together finally. Can someone tell me how in the name of God and all that is good. No one ever told me about Aslaug and her sons?” With that my father’s fingers come to a stop at the ends of my mother’s long golden locks. “It just went something you tell your child out of the blue, (y/n).” My mother responds for my father. They always did this. Even as a child, when one of them was being questioned. The other would jump in and save them as if the question was directed at them. “But why keep it a secret? I don't understand, if you were married to Aslaug and Ivar and I are the same age that means that you laid with mother during the time you were married to her. Meaning that I have no claim to anything. Im a bastard.” At this my father lifts my mothers head from his lap and turns to me. Rage and sadness is what I am able to detect from his electric blue eyes.

“You are not a bastard child! I will not have you slander my name or your mothers with such lies. Your mother and I are married, in the eyes of both the Christian God and Freyja and Odin. Yes, your mother left me when Aslaug became pregnant with Ubbe. And many years later she came back to me, however I could not let her go. Be it selfishness or pride, she was mine and I am hers. Till death do us part!” At that tears well up in my eyes. Not because Ive just been scolded by my father. But, because this is the first time that I could really say that he has shown me his emotions. The night where we reunited, was only a small glance of emotion. But, this moment here had probably been the closest thing to a heart to heart that I have ever had with my father. He wipes my tears away and then goes to face Lagertha who had also been tearing up through this revelation.  And they share a small, but passionate kiss.

I do not know if its just the overwhelming emotion that I’m processing, but I cannot help but bring my finger to my lips and think of a certain ill tempered boy...

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As the hours went by, we had decided to not only renovate and clean up the homestead. But we relieved some of the old memories we had. Bjorn and I decided to get in the water and go for a swim. Whilst Lagertha and Ragnar stayed in the house “cleaning up”. Bjorn and I knew exactly what that meant. As I laugh thinking about the situation that my parents are in. Bjorn sneaks up behind me and dunks my head into the water. I try my hardest to push him away and try to get rid of his hold on my head. My lungs need a break and as I almost felt my self drifting away, Bjorn pulls me back up. Gasping for air and coughing out the water from inside. I turn around and hit Bjorn’s chest as hard as I could muster at the moment. “Bjorn! What the hell!! you could've killed me!”   I yell at him through my punches. “Ow..ow.. OW!!!. I was just joking... Jeez woman lose up!” He responds trying to shield himself form my hits. “Well it wasn't funny...”

As I swim towards the shore and go to collect my clothes, Bjorn turns me around and looks into my eyes. “We need to talk. And it’s not something that you are not getting yourself out of.” At this I can only gulp. Did he find out about Ivar and I? Is it possible that Hvitserk told him? No..no, Hvitty wouldn't do that. But then again he’s know the boys his whole life. I have just met them. “What about, big brother?” “Sigurd told me something when we had been waiting for mother’s arrival. And you could say I‘m a little concerned, and I just want to get to the bottom of it.” He says while eyeing me carefully. At that moment before I could respond the sound of the horses hooves could be heard form down the road. Bjorn and I quickly exchange looks and begin to dress immediately. We run towards the homestead and burst through the doors. It seems as whatever mother and father had been up to had just finished. 

Seeing our exasperated sighing and how flustered I must have looked father reaches for his sword. “Why are you both so out of breath?” Mother asks wrapping the quilt around herself.  “We heard horses down the road. We didn't know if they were friend or foe. And Bjorn didn't have any of his weapons with him.” I manage to get out. At this both father and Bjorn make their way towards the door.  Peeking out the one of the small holes Bjorn is able to make out who it was standing outside. “Its the guards accompanied by Ubbe, Hvitserk and Ivar.” Something told me that this would be quite eventful...

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Ivar POV

The moment (y/n) and her mother reunited in the great hall brought a tear to everyones eye. I admit that maybe I got a little emotional as well, but no one would ever know that. However, I noticed that my beautiful mother had left the room with rage and tear filled eyes. I had never seen my mother go through so many emotions in one day. She went from having a good blessed morning to having a shit hole day with that whore Lagertha coming back. I mean she gave birth to my beautiful (y/n), but still. Every time I see her I cannot help, but want to choke her to death fro all the pain she caused my mother.

Shaking me from my thoughts Ubbe starts going off on Hvitserk. “How could you be so stupid! (Y/n) has a target on her back and you decided to go off into the woods alone without anyone else?!?!?!” In this sense Ubbe was right, Hvitserk put (y/n)’s life in danger all because he wanted to take her from me. It wasn't enough for these people that I am a cripple. But they want to take the woman that the gods sent to me! This is unacceptable and I will not allow it. “Ubbe is right. She could have been killed because of your insolence Hvitty!” I scream at him. My blood had been boiling at this point. “Oh shut up Ivar! We all know that if she would have asked you to go with her, you would have done the same. If not take her some place remote where she could not leave your crippled ass!” Hvitserk barks back at me.

All this time Sigurd is sitting by the fire pit whilst tuning his lyre. “You both should just accept the fact that you're in love with your own sister. And that it will never go anywhere. Besides I overheard father speaking in his chambers the other day with Bjorn. They're looking for suitors to marry her off to. That way she will be hopefully safe from whoever is hunting her.” Sigurd says as calm as one could ever be. At this my mouth hangs open and Hvitserk and I exchange glances. “N..No... That cannot be. Father would never marry (y/n) off to someone she doesn't know. And the fact that he just got her back should keep him form doing so as well.” Hvitserk struggles to say. Im still trying to process the fact that my purpose to live will be taken from me once again. This I cannot allow...

-----------------------------------------------

“Ivar you’re sure that this is the right way?” Hvitserk asks me for the hundredth time. This time instead of answering I just keep going. This man-child will not drive me insane today. Not when the task at hand is so dire. Making our way through the woods and down the path, I spot my father’s horse as well as 3 other ones. Urging my horses to go faster I catch a glimpse of (y/n) runnings towards the homestead whilst trying to slip her dress back on. The way that the drops fell from her hair and onto her chest and then down the valley of her breasts made me come to a halt. Before I knew it the guards and Ubbe had all passed me and there I was still sitting in my carriage on the same spot. Once she was out of my sight, I got it together and got to the house. There we were greeted by father and Bjorn. “Ubbe. what brings you all down here?” my father asks. “We wished to know what we should do about the investigation. You all just took off without alerting anyone.” At that Lagertha steps out of the homestead clearly in a disheveled dress. From that we can guess what her and father were up to before we could get here. 

“Actually Ubbe... Your father and I have come to terms that (y/n) shall be trained by me. This way I can properly teach her how to use her strengths and weaknesses to her advantage. Something you boys will not be able to teach her.” At the mention of this (y/n)’s eyes widened in surprise. “Well... Mother (y/n) isn't really one to train, if Im honest with you. Poor girl is was never taught how to properly defend herself. And through all the training that we've put her through, its not much of an improvement...” Bjorn says, but then trails off due to (y/n) punching him in the gut. I can tell you that I have never been as in love with someone as I am with my own sister. Which is ridiculous to many, but the truth...

---------------------------------------------

Your POV

Weeks from the time that my mother arrived had gone by. My training started immediately after the conversation that we all had at the porch. Ubbe and the boys had finally gotten somewhere with the investigation with the help of Lagertha. They had found the murder weapon, a small dagger with intricate designs. Bjorn had taken it to get a closer look, but from what I had seen in his eyes I could tell that he knew who was behind this. As I think of who could have been behind the murder of my best friend, the wind is knocked out of me. “(Y/N)! Concentrate! Never take your eyes off your opponent! Thats the number one rule on the battlefield!” My mother yells at me from above. Extending her hand out towards me I grasp on to it and she pulls me up from the ground. Dusting myself off I mumble an I’m sorry to her and that I will concentrate next  time. “When facing a real opponent child you will not have the luxury to be better again. Its do or die!” She holds onto my shoulders as she looks into my eyes and then leans her forehead against mine. “I want you to be able to defend yourself. It might come a time where neither your father or I. Bjorn and your brothers will be there to protect you. And I need to be able to sleep at night with the thought that my child will not be taken from me again by some imbecile...” 

My mother and I exchange a final glance before she heads off towards the great hall in what I think is an attempt to find my father. My father and Bjorn have been very secretive lately. Every time I walk into a room I can tell that the conversations they were having were about me before I got there. And it was very much getting on my nerves. Picking up the bow that Ivar had made for me I start to aim at the dummy target. But before I knew it something startles me and I let go of the arrow without knowing where it would hit. “AHHHHH, are you trying to kill me woman?!??!”

“Ivar, Oh my God I’m so sorry. You startled me.” I say whilst rushing towards him. “I see that you've taken a liking to the bow I crafted for you...” blushing from his words I simply nod my head and stare at the ground. “(y/n). I wanna have a serious conversation with you. But it must be done in private.” He whispers the last part to me. I rear my head towards him and proceed to grab his hand. Ivar takes it upon himself though to lace our fingers together and walk together to "our” chambers. Passing by the market, I notice the looks that people have been given us and the not so quiet whispers. Embarrassed and not wanting to drag attention to myself anymore than I already have. I attempt to let go of Ivar’s hand, but he will have none of it. He jut grips my hand harder and walks a little faster towards the cabin. 

Once inside Ivar walks towards the bed and starts taking off his braces. “Close the door please. I would like this to be a private conversation between you and I. For the time being.” Doing as told, I close the door behind me and make my way towards him. Ivar is struggling to get one of his braces off, so without thinking I kneel before him and push his hands away to try and help him out. At this action Ivar looks at me with shock and a hint of adoration. Over the last 3 months that I have been here. I observed Ivar take his braces off before bed. Something about them fascinated me and I couldn't pinpoint what it was. Picking myself up from the floor I go to sit beside him on the bed in one swift movement Ivar pushes me back on the bed and gets on top of me. 

Before I could scream his lips touch mine. Unlike the times before I find myself reciprocating the kiss. Our lips begin to move in sync with each other. He traced his tongue on my bottom lip asking for entrance which I denied. At this he got frustrated and slapped my ass. As I opened my mouth to yell at him for hitting me, he took this as a chance to slip his tongue in my mouth. There was no fight for dominance as he overtook the situation. My fingers tangle in his hair trying to pull him closer to me. His hands caress my sides and then cup my breasts. In this I cant help, but let out a moan. Ivar pulls back and stares at me while bringing his hand up to brush my hair outta my face. “I would really love to continue this, but there's something I have to tell you (y/n).” He untangles himself from my grasp and brings my hand to his lips. Placing small kisses on the back of my hand he closes his eyes and then reluctantly gets up. As I lay on the bed, I can only think of what we were up to seconds ago. What would have happened if we didn't stop. Pulling me into his lap and out of my thoughts Ivar grabs my face in his hands. 

“Before you got here I was a scared and lonely boy. With no notion of what love was or could have been. To think that the gods made you especially for me and brought you to me at the most opportune time is a sign from Odin himself. (Y/n) I will not let them take you away from me. Not now or ever...”  Ivar closes the gap between us with a small and tender kiss. “Ivar... it’s wrong. How we feel about one another isn't right...” my eyes well up with tears. What cruel joke is this that God is playing. Why? How come the man that I love is my brother... Brushing my tears away, I could tell that Ivar is having the same predicament. “Father plans to marry you off... That is what I wanted to talk to you about.” His eyes do not meet mine this time. “Wait...no it cant be. Father would never do that. he always said that I would be free to marry whomever I pleased and fell in love with...” Nothing the change in my breathing Ivar hugs me and rubs my back. “I will not let them. You will not be sold like cattle just because they cant find the killer and are afraid.”

“This is why I want you to runaway with me. Will you (y/n)...” 

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Bjorn POV

I cannot control the anger boiling inside me. How could she do this... Storming off from the meeting I went straight to my cabin. There she greeted me as if nothing was wrong. “Love I made some...” Throwing the bowl of soup from her hands I pushed her back onto a chair. “Bjorn what's wrong with yo...” “What wrong with me?!?!?! How about what's wrong with you? You killed Mira! You tried to kill my sister!” At this point all I see is red. I cant even describe how I felt when I saw that the murder weapon was Torvi’s dagger. And to think I was gonna tell her the truth and let her in on the reason as to why she could be wanted dead. “Bjorn.. please! It was not like I wanted to do it! Aslaug forced me too. She had said that you were in danger! Please Bjorn you have to believe me! I did it for our family!” Shaking my head at her I turn around and head towards the door. “Get your stuff, I don't want you here when I come back. I will tell my father everything that you and Aslaug have been planning. And for the sake of what we once had I will give you this heads up so you can leave. And do not come back!” Slamming the door of the cabin I head towards the great hall and begin t think to myself about the first time I laid eye son my sister....

19 years ago...

“Bjorn... come meet her.” I didn't want anything associated with that child. The fact that I had already lost a sister and that my parents had now taken in a child that wasn't theirs baffled me. “She's not my sister. She the child of a christian priest...” At that my mother looks at me with sadness in her eyes. “Bjorn I know that you still hurt over Gyda and the fact that she didn't survive and you did. This child however is your sister. No matter how she came into this world, the gods have given us a second chance. Please come and meet her, for my sake?” At that I go towards my mother and get a closer look at the child. Her features resembled that somewhat of my father’s. Not much, but enough to be able to pass as the child of my father and mother. “What about Athelstan? Is he okay with you taking his child?” I ask my mother. At that my father walks in and kneels before me. “You must protect her with your life Bjorn. From this day onward she will be yours to take care off. She is your sister and no one must know that in fact she is Athelstan’s daughter or she and all of us will be in danger.” At that I understood why my parents had done it. Taken a child that wasn't theirs in order to protect it. Although I didn't want her, I cant help but feel a strong sense of protection over her. As if my sole task in this world is to protect her... “Bjorn...she doesn't have a name yet. Would you like to name her?” My mother asks whilst placing the child in my arms. The baby opens her eyes and looks up at me. Her beautiful eyes open up to reveal those (y/e/c) orbs. She cracks a smile at me and at that I cant help, but laugh. “(Y/n)...her name will be (y/n).”

[xxwritemeastoryxx]

Forgotten Alliance Ch. 4

Author: xxwritemeastoryxx

Pairings: Eventual Elijah Mikaelson x OC with other parings mentioned throughout.

Word Count: 3.7K

Warnings: Not too much. Canon typical stuff.

Author’s Note: As a reminder, FA can be found on ffnet up to chapter 42. I am uploading chapters here on tumblr for convenience. I decided against tagging this until new chapters are posted. Of course there are a few that wished to be tagged and I will be tagging them in this. If you would like to be tagged please let me know! Chapters are queued and will be posted randomly. This chapter is set up with right before episode 3.15 and half the events of 3.15. Enjoy

Elizabeth's footsteps easily echoed in the empty cemetery. While Vampires were unwelcome there, Elizabeth had a right to be there. She may have been a vampire for over eight centuries, she never lost the respect she had for the dead. Even when it was her own family. Elizabeth carried a bouquet of flowers as she made her way to the family crypt that she had visited several times. Stepping inside she placed the flowers in the dusty vase. She ran her fingers over the first stone on the wall, removing the dust. The name Emmalina Claire appeared under the layer of dust. A small smile played on Elizabeth's lips as she took a step back. "I just want back what's mine. " She shook her head slightly. "You had no choice in the matter, I am willing to give the young one a choice." With out another word, Elizabeth walked out and headed to find the person she really wanted to see.

She needed to have a word with Vincent. While she had heard he didn't make any deals with vampires, Elizabeth hoped that with her being a family member of an ancestor, he would be willing to help. Finding Vincent by the alter, Elizabeth cleared her throat to catch his attention. He turned around and seemed rather annoyed that a vampire was wanting his attention again.

"I promise I am not here to torment you in any way." Elizabeth said staying in her spot.

"Then what is it you are here for?" Vincent asked as he eyed Elizabeth.

"I'm looking for a descendant of mine. I need her help. I was told you were the person to talk to." Elizabeth needed her descendant to help her with a particular spell.

"Who is it that you are looking for?" Vincent seemed to relax a bit.

"Davina Claire." Elizabeth said with a nod. And she had gotten the reaction she had expected from Vincent.

"What is it that you really want with Davina?" He asked taking a few steps towards Elizabeth. Elizabeth still stayed in her spot showing that she had no intention of hurting him.

"I have no reason to lie to you Vincent." Elizabeth assured him. "I only need her help with something. A spell had been given to Emmalina Claire long ago. Only our descendant can undo that spell. And while I wish it had been another witch, Davina is who I need."

"What is this spell that you need undone?" Vincent was now curious as to what Elizabeth needed the spell for.

"That is a long story." She said hoping to avoid talking about said spell.

"I have nothing but time." Vincent said moving his arm to point to the entryway. Elizabeth sighed and started walking, followed by Vincent.

Elizabeth paced in her room. It had been a few hours since she had visit Vincent and her mind was racing with thoughts. She wasn't sure if she wanted to go through with this anymore. She was no longer sure if she really needed Davina. She could just live her life with the spell intact. She had done so for many years. What was the harm in several thousand more?

"Your brain is going to fry if you keep thinking that hard." Malakai said as he sat in a chair with a book in his hand that he clearly wasn't interested in. "I thought the whole point of talking to the witch would make things better for you."

"That's not the point." Elizabeth said shaking her head. "I don't know if I want to do this. Its not fair to either one of us."

Malakai laughed. "You mean to tell me we left the most amazing party in Paris for you to change your mind about all of this?"

"No." Elizabeth said glaring. "We left that boring party in Paris because there was that chance we would be dying. And I had to make sure that-"

"That Elijah was safe." Malakai finished for her. "But you are in New Orleans. You told yourself the next time you were here you would get the spell from a Claire."

Elizabeth shook her head. "I don't know if I can ask her to do such a spell Malakai. She has been used by the Mikaelsons and by her own coven. She was shunned as well. I cant ask this of her. She wouldn't understand." She stopped her pacing and looked out the window.

"But isn't it worth it to be able to be free to feel the way you want to?" Malakai stood up and walked to Elizabeth, placing his hands on her shoulder. "She had that spell made for a reason, Liz. She's dead now. You saw to that when you ripped her heart out." That should have made Elizabeth smile but it didn't.

"What if I am not ready for it like I thought I was?" She looked over her shoulder at Malakai.

"Then hold off on actually talking to Davina." He kissed her temple and it caused a small smile to form on Elizabeth's lips. She wouldn't have been able to do this without Malakai here with her. While she had spent a good eight centuries without him, having him there with her the last three were enough to make up for the time they had been apart.

"ORPHAN, HYBRID! Your presence is requested." Klaus yelled out from his room. It caused Elizabeth to roll her eyes. They both left Elizabeth's room and head for Klaus's room.

"Must you yell for them Niklaus? They do have supernatural hearing." Elijah stated from his seat in Klaus's room.

"Should I give you a bell to ring when ever you need me?" Elizabeth asked as she walked in and took a seat across from Elijah. Malakai shook his head at Elizabeth and leaned against the door frame.

"Actually yes. And while you're at it, how about grabbing yourself a maids outfit." Klaus said with a smug look on his face.

"Bite me." Elizabeth said giving him a glare.

"Enough." Elijah said looking between the two. "Eight hundred years and you two still act like the same way you did towards each other."

"Circumstances, Elijah." Elizabeth said giving him a smirk. "Now what is it that you called us up here for?"

Klaus gestured to the letters he had sprawled all over his bed. Looking at them Elizabeth raised an eyebrow.

"You collect trophies from all your victims?" Freya asked. Elizabeth had smiled at Freya.

"Don't they always?" Elizabeth said shaking her head. Elijah gave her a slight look of annoyance and turned to Freya.

"Letters to their loved ones to be more specific." He said looking towards Klaus.

"Just out of curiosity, did you take anything from my family?" Elizabeth asked looking at the pile of letter. Klaus smirked and searched through the pile for a moment before holding a letter up. Anger filled Elizabeth for a moment as she stood up and snatched the letter from his hand. Her eyes had scanned the letter over and over that she had missed half the conversation being said.

"Well, Niklaus, if it offers you any solace whatsoever, Elizabeth ransacked Aya's belongings, you torched Aurora's hunting ground, and obliterated every last splinter of the white oak." Elijah's words had brought Elizabeth out of the letter.

"And I enjoyed being the one to ransack Aya's place." She said for her own need.

"I'd be mad to believe that ever last splinter had been obliterated." Klaus said with a growl.

"You already are mad." Elizabeth said at the exact time Elijah had said "Perhaps you should see a therapist"

It wasn't until after Klaus had walked out of the room, that Elijah had given Elizabeth a look she had known all to well.

"I know, I know." Elizabeth said as he turned to walk out of the room.

Malakai nodded towards Freya before he turned and walked out, going to his own room. Elizabeth sighed and turned to Freya.

"What's troubling you Liz?" Freya asked the moment Elizabeth turned toward her.

"Remind me the rules of magic." She said as she began to pace out of habit. "If one line of witches, creates a spell, can another line of them undo the spell?"

Freya had looked at Elizabeth with concern. "What did you get yourself into?"

"It was long ago, Freya. Just humor me, please." Elizabeth said hoping Freya would actually trust her enough to let it go.

"It depends on how big of a spell. What kind of spell are we talking about?"

Elizabeth hesitated for a moment. "Lets just say its a spell that kept a certain bond between two people concealed."

Freya's concerned look got worse. She was definitely needing to know what it was that Elizabeth had gotten herself into. "Unless you tell me more details than that, I wouldn't be able to tell you." Freya said shaking her head.

"Its complicated, Freya. And a terribly long st-" Elizabeth was interrupted by the sound of crying. A sigh of relief passed her lips. "I'll take care of her. Its been a while since I've held a baby." She took off to Hayley's room before Freya could ask anymore questions.

Hope's giggling had echoed through the room. Elizabeth had been keeping the girl occupied for some time that she hadn't heard or even see Hayley come into the room.

"She likes you." Hayley said, causing Elizabeth to jump slightly.

"I miss having young ones around." She said standing up and handing Hope to Hayley.

"When you were human did you have children?" Hayley asked curiously.

"One." Elizabeth said with a slight smile. "Unfortunately, I had to leave her in another village to protect her."

"Why?" There was a judging tone to Hayley's question. "Why would just leave her with someone else?"

Elizabeth chuckled and looked at Hope. "Wouldn't you do the same if you were human and had a husband hell bent on beating the both of you?"

"I'm so sorry Liz, I didn't mean to sound so judgy about it."

"Its alright." Elizabeth noticed the blood on Hayley's forehead but didn't mention it. "How is the list coming?"

"Its getting there. " Hayley said with a shrug. "It doesn't help bring back Jackson, but it helps me a little."

"That's the point, isn't it?" Elizabeth asked. "To feel some sense of release in revenge?"

"Have you had revenge on someone?" Hayley asked curiously.

It took Elizabeth a moment to think if she had ever gotten revenge on someone. She nodded. "Aya."

"What is it that she did to you?" Elizabeth looked away from Hayley for a moment.

"She took something that I'm not even sure I can get back. So we are in the same boat. Different destinations though." She said with a shrug. "I'll leave you two alone." She said with a smile. Hayley nodded and watched as Elizabeth walked out of the room.

Elizabeth's first thought was that she needed some air. That she needed to get out of the compound for a little. Being inside since she had arrived was enough to start driving the woman mad. A walk would do her some good. She also needed to feed. She had not done so since before entering the quarter. Just thinking about the blood was making her eyes change. Before she could even get herself to calm down with her thoughts of blood, Elijah was in front of her looking concerned as ever.

"Elizabeth, is everything alright?" He asked placing his hands on her arms. Shaking her head, and closing her eyes for a second, she finally got her eyes back to normal.

"Forgive me, I haven't fed." She said trying to make her voice sound as if it was no big deal.

"When was the last time you did?" There was that fatherly tone again that caused Elizabeth to chuckle. But the look in his eyes told her he was being serious.

"A little more than a few days." She admitted.

"Why haven't you been feeding?" He asked, the concern still present.

"My mind has been clouded with things recently. I honestly put my blood lust on the back burner."

"Stay here." Elijah said before walking away from a moment. A sigh passed her lips as she looked up to see Malakai leaning over the railing. She shook her head at him.

Knowing that Elijah could be on his way back he only mouthed the words You have to tell him. Elizabeth shook her head. Now wasn't going to be the best time to tell anyone anything. Before Malakai could mouth anything else, Elijah came back with a blood bag. She accepted it and was going to wait for Elijah to leave to drink from it, but he stayed and watched her. Sighing, she bit into the bag and drank from it. Once the blood had been gone, Elizabeth pulled the bag from her lips and smiled.

"Thank you. I feel much better." She said with a nod.

"If you'll excuse me, I need to check on Hope." Elizabeth nodded and watched as he headed up stairs.

Elijah, Elizabeth and Freya had been sitting in the study, seeming to enjoy the afternoon. Elizabeth had sat in the corner chair with her head resting on one arm rest and her legs hanging over the other as she checked her phone. Elijah had book in his hand, reading while Freya had been working on something, Elizabeth couldnt quite figure out. They all had been preoccupied in there tasks that once Klaus came raging in, Elizabeth tilted her head back and groaned.

"There goes the peaceful afternoon." She mumbled to herself.

"It was him. It was Gaspar Cortez." Klaus said as he paced the study.

Freya sighed placing the item in her hand down on the table. "I assume this is someone from your box of letters?" She asked crossing her arms.

"The youngest son of a particularly vile family of warlords I dealt with in the 17th century." Klaus replied, still pacing.

"Didn't they burn that philistine pigsty to the ground?" Elijah asked closing the book he had been reading and setting it on the stand beside the chair. The question itself caused Elizabeth to chuckle and Klaus to scoff at his brother.

"Pigsty?" Klaus finally stopped his pacing and looked at Elijah. "Belaga was my favorite artist retreat! Someone had to pay for that, so I murdered Gaspar's brute of a father."

Elizabeth couldnt help herself. "And who else did you kill?"

"Maybe one or two-" Klaus started but was interrupted by Elijah.

"Five." he said with a sigh as he stood from his chair.

"Five of his bloodthirsty brothers." Klaus said annoyed.

"Don't forget the mistress." Elijah added in and Elizabeth smirked.

"That was an accident!" Klaus defended himself. It caused Elijah to roll his eyes and look towards Freya and Elizabeth.

"The point is that Gaspar was but a footnote." He said nodding slightly.

"Until he became a vampire, hell bent on hunting me."

"Everyone is hell bent on hunting you, Niklaus." Elizabeth said rolling her eyes. It was apart of the paranoia Elizabeth had seen very few times. Klaus glared at Elizabeth for a moment before continuing on his rant.

"He's a cunning deviant, known to compel hoards of the helpless to aid him with his tasks. " The man began pacing again. "You see, this is exactly what I was concerned about. Devils of all kinds, crawling out of their crevices to strike at me." The group had expected him to continue with his rant when he paused for a moment. "Speaking of which..."Before anyone could ask what he was talking about, Klaus was out of the room and going after something or someone. Elizabeth heard Elijah sigh as they heard the commotion downstairs.

"Shall we see what he is up to?" Elijah was the first to leave and while Elizabeth wasn't exactly willing to see what they Hybrid had done down stairs. It wasn't until she heard one name that she got up out of her seat. Kol Elizabeth was at the railing in a second looking down at the courtyard. Her heart was pumping fast with the anger that filled her.

"You stole the nexus vorti." Freya said slightly annoyed. Elizabeth could see the girl in front of them roll her eyes.

"And brought your brother back from the dead!" the witch said.

"You should be thanking her, really." Elizabeth watched as Kol stepped towards his family. All Elizabeth could see in that moment was the memory of walking back into her village and seeing destruction before she watched as Kol grabbed her mother before running. Malakai had stepped out of his room wondering what was going on when he caught sight of Elizabeth with her eyes changed and the veins clearly visible under her eyes.

"Shit." Malakai said to himself before, taking speeding towards Elizabeth. Once he was by her side, he placed a hand on her shoulder like he always done. "Breathe Liz." His words usually calmed Elizabeth. But this time it did nothing. Elijah had heard Malakai speaking to Elizabeth. It caused him to look up in time to see Elizabeth push Malakai away from her and jump down into the courtyard and head after Kol. "Stop her Elijah, that's pure rage she going on. I don't think you'd want your brother dead after just coming back from the dead. Elijah stepped in her way, but Elizabeth tried moving out of his way. With no luck, Elijah had Elizabeth's arms locked behind her.

"Who the hell is that?" Kol asked.

"Think about it long and hard." Elizabeth growled out, still trying to break free of Elijah's hold. Elizabeth wanted nothing more than to rip out his heart. Davina had stepped in front of him, ready to use her magic if needed.

"I wouldn't do that Davina, she's your blood." Malakai said jumping down into the courtyard. The statement alone caused everyone to look shocked at what he said. He walked over to Elijah and Elizabeth and placed his hands on both sides of Elizabeth's neck. "You'll thank me later for this one." He said while snapping her neck.

"Was that necessary?" Elijah asked with a hint of anger in his voice. He carried Elizabeth's body to the couch in the courtyard.

"Believe me Elijah is was necessary." Malakai said looking at the others. Klaus had been the only one who had an amused look on his face.

"Want to tell me what the hell that was about?" Kol asked looking at Malakai.

"You see Kol, " Klaus began with a smirk on his face. "You do remember that night we had slaughtered a village and you let the child run away?" The end of that question had caused Freya and Davina to cringe at the thought of them killing children.

"There were several villages, Nik." Kol responded still looking a bit confused.

Klaus chuckled and patted Kol's back. "Think about it. The mother and daughter that had came late to dinner."

"Oh, that child." Kol said finally remembering. "That's not her is it?"

Elijah shook his head. "Elizabeth has been able to forgive Niklaus for slaughtering members of her village. But you must understand, Kol. You killed her mother in front of her. That isn't something that's easily forgiven."

"And not to mention that when she heard you had died, she felt release from that pain. Seeing you alive, as much as you can be, brought a lot of that pain back, buddy." Malakai said walking over to the couch Elizabeth was on. "When she wakes up, I'll be sure to try and keep her calm, but Kol, you may want to stay clear of Liz for a while. " Malakai lifted Elizabeth up and started heading up the stairs to her room.

"Wait." Davina said taking a step towards Malakai. "You said she was my blood. What did you mean by that?"

Malakai chuckled. "You see I'm not sure how many greats I need to put in front the actual title, but she's your grandmother. One of the reasons she came to New Orleans was to see you. She needed your help."

"Help?"Both Elijah and Davina asked at the same time.

"What did she need help with?" Elijah asked.

"Oh no, that's on her to tell the both of you what she needs help with." Malakai said not willing to give any details to anything. "But for now, I'm gonna get her to her room before she wakes up and tries killing Kol again. Take care of what you need to. She'll be okay for now." That was the last thing he had said before leaving the original family and Davina to finish the little family reunion Elizabeth had interrupted. But even then, Elijah, Davina and Freya wondered what was that Elizabeth had needed help with. Freya knew that it had to do with the spell Elizabeth had asked about earlier. She would have to wait until Elizabeth was up to demand the details.

Forgotten Alliance Tag: @mschellehitt

[bel0vedmendes]

An Angel Among the Angels  (Part 4)

Shawn Mendes X Reader

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Word Count: 1,868

Warnings: Language, kinda-smutty, fluff, angst 

Description: Y/N is working behind the scenes at the VS Fashion Show, and Shawn has his sights set on her. She can’t believe he would even look her way, considering they’re literally surrounded by Angels. 

Not my GIF!

It was nearly 4 am when I asked him to stay with me. His hands grabbing at my waist while my fingers dove through his curly locks, tugging lightly. His lips attacking my neck, as I moaned into his ear which only seemed to make him more eager. Finally our bodies landed on the bed, his legs slotted between mine as I straddled him. He was sitting up against the head board of the bed, with his hands firm on my ass. They were pushing and pulling as my hips rocked back and forth on top of him. My body was ready for him to do whatever he pleased, and so was his. He was very ready. He slowly took my face in between his hands, softly pressing his lips against mine. My breathing caught in my throat as my movements slowed down, matching his vibe. Something was different. I smiled into our kiss, and he smiled back. 

“We should slow down, hm?” I giggled as I nuzzled into his neck.

He laughs quietly. 

“As much as I don’t want to, I think you’re right.” He mumbles kissing the shell of my ear as his fingers weave through my hair.

And that was that. It wasn’t that either of us didn’t want to take the next move, it was that we knew that the wait would be worth it. We sunk down into the mattress, pulling the white duvet over our bodies, drifting off to sleep in a matter of seconds.

It was 11:37 am and the sun was spilling through the window, lightly illuminating his face beside me. His arm was heavy, resting over my stomach as I laid on my back next to him. I gazed at him in awe for what felt like eternity, just the sight of him was enough to make the butterflies in my stomach go crazy. I was falling for him, I was falling hard and fast. How couldn’t I? He was doing everything right. He was everything I’ve ever thought about needing and wanting in a man, but it had only been a short period of time. At this point I didn’t care, I was ready to dive into him head first.

“Good morning, Honey.” He rasps from the side of me, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. The light from the window bouncing off of his eyes, creating the most beautiful brown hue I had ever seen.

“Morning.” I smile back at him.

He props his head up to look down at me by folding his arm and resting his head in hand. His other arm still over my stomach, his thumb now grazing lightly. A growl in my stomach making him widen his eyes at me.

“Someone’s hungry.” He laughs quietly, as he pats my stomach.

“Im starving.” I whine, jutting out my lower lip.

He starts to get out of bed, and I instantly start to miss the warmth of his body. Was it too soon to tell him that? To soon to tell him that I didn’t want to eat if it meant we had to leave this moment. It was like our lives were paused as we laid next to each other. Neither of us knowing what would happen next but it was okay, because we didn’t need to worry about it in this moment. I sighed watching him pull his hoodie over his head. Knowing that our moment was gone. If I don’t get up, I wonder if he’ll come lay back down.

I prop myself up against the pillows on the bed, watching him as he gets ready. He starts to make coffee using the coffee machine the room provided me. He glances over at me a few times, catching me watching him. He just smirks back at me. He likes that I’m watching him.

“What are you looking at punk?” He smirks at me as he pours his coffee into one of the cups they provided, his eyebrows raised high.

“Punk?! I’m just… admiring the view.” I say wiggling my eyebrows at him.

He lets out a silent laugh before crawling up my body and trapping me under both of his arms. He looks down at me before kissing my forehead. I look up at him  biting my lip, hoping to persuade him to come back to bed. He shakes his head taking a deep breath, before pulling me off of the bed. Damnit.

I got to my luggage and pull out a pair of black leggings and one of my t-shirts and go to the bathroom to change. Looking into the mirror, realizing I look like a crazy person. All of my baby hairs going wild, and last night’s mascara giving me a look similar to a racoon. I’m sure my breath was just fantastic too. I groaned as I started with my teeth then washed my face and tamed my hair. Finishing by throwing it up into a messy bun.

I finally join him as he looks at the menu for the hotel. His eyes finding mine as he makes grabby hands, silently telling me to sit on his lap. I giggle as I sit down on his huge thighs.

“Whatcha thinking?” He asks pushing the menu into my hands.

“Definitely something with Chocolate and maybe some fruit.” I say looking at the menu, gnawing at my lip. He laughs at me, deciding not to make fun of my childlike appetite this time.

“Why don’t we go to a restaurant?” I ask, wrapping my arms around his neck kissing just below his ear.

He moans as I continue to leave delicate kisses all along his jawline.

“Mm, well… if we get food here. We can do more of this…” He rasps, his right hand pulling one leg over his lap so that I was straddling him.

I giggle. “I guess you have a point.” I whisper into his ear just before running my tongue all along the shell of it. His hands gripping my ass tightly, kneading gently. His lips quickly attaching themselves to my neck, sucking softly to be sure he didn’t make marks on me. My stomach growling once again, reminding us of what we were doing before we got distracted.

He looks up at me and kisses me quickly before re-adjusting me on his lap. He grabs his phone and I watch him pull up his messages with the guy who showed us around the night before. He quickly texts him asking if there was any great restaurants with breakfast that deliver. The guy, which I find out his name is Marco, tells Shawn that he would be happy to pick breakfast up for us. I internally roll my eyes, Shawn really has the world at his fingertips. We tell him what kind of food we wanted and Marco insisted on making it happen. I wondered what Shawn had agreed to do for this man. We laid in bed for a while, talking about silly things. 

Cuddled close together, with the sunlight pouring into the room. I was squished into his left side with his arm wrapped around me pulling me close to him. He started to tell me about a guitar he bought when he was visiting L.A. He reaches into his hoodie pocket pulling out his phone to show me a picture of it. He starts to scroll through his photo album in his phone looking for the picture he had saved. As he’s looking a text from Andrew comes in and it sits at the top of the screen. My eyes quickly flash to it. My heart drops when I read the tiny bit before Shawn swipes it up and out of the view. My breathing quickens, and I dismiss myself to the bathroom. Shawn’s eyes are hard on me as he watches me go. I get to the bathroom and I look at myself to try calming down. The words rush through my mind a mile a minute.

‘Shawn you CAN NOT be seen with her.’

CAN NOT. Be seen. With… me?

Before I could even process what it could possibly mean, a light tapping was on the other side of the door.

“Honey? Can we talk about it.” He mumbles, his voice sounding shaky.

I look at myself in the mirror, trying to compose myself. I guess talking to him about it would be the easy thing to do. No assumptions, just truth. Why couldn’t he be seen with me?

I open the door the find him leaning against the wall opposite of the bathroom. His cheeks were a different color of red, was he embarrassed… ashamed?

I sit down on the bed and watch him as he sits on the chair across from me. His leg bouncing up and down hard as his fingers twirl the ring on his fingers. My eyebrows raising telling him to start explaining.

“He’s just looking out for me, Y/n.” He pleads, and my eyes squint and my head cocks to the side as I scoff at him.

“So, that’s why we ordered breakfast in. You cant be seen with me?” I argue.

“Believe me, you wouldn’t want us to be seen together.” He shakes his head trying to make a point.

“Oh, I’m so glad you know what I want. Thank you SO much for making that decision for me!” I yell at him sarcastically.

“I'm not deciding anything for you, I'm just saying that this world that I live in is different. You have to do things different. You know?” He was stuttering, he wasn’t prepared to talk about this.

“Yes, Shawn. I know I could never understand your world.” I scoff rolling my eyes at him.

“Y/n, I promise you are not ready to be seen with me.” He says softly. I bite my lip, to try to keep from crying.

I stared at him for a moment. Did I rush things with him? Is this just normal protocol for his hook-ups, charm the pants off of the girl? He didn’t want me, he never did. I’m probably just another notch in his bed post.

“No Shawn, I think you’re the one who isn’t ready.” I tell him quietly. He stands up and starts to walk closer when his phone starts to ring. He answers it, then tells me that Marco had arrived downstairs with our food. He stares at me waiting to see what my next move would be. I gnaw on my lip trying to figure out what I was going to do.

“Maybe you should go eat, I’m going to go walk around.” I say trying not to make eye contact with him, I know this will be harder if I do.

“Y/N, please, just come eat with me and let me explain more.” He stands at the entrance of my hotel room holding the door, his voice is broken.

“I need to think.” I say quietly before closing the door quickly. I catch a glimpse of his glossy, sorry eyes for just a moment. That was all it took to make the tears come.

This is why I didn’t want to leave the bed this morning. 

A/N: Hopefully tumblr decides to show this in the tags... but probably not. Please let me know what you think, and let me know if you want to be added to the tag list!

Taglist:

@scxrletwitches , @onlyfoolsss , @dino-16-avocado

[dk-wants-to-rp]

Flint and Steel

This was requested by @ask-villegas-sides

PLOT: reese and beckett are known as the weasley twins of the mindscape, but when one of their antics goes too far one day, flint ducks out and they realize their mistake and have to make things right.

WARNINGS: Arson, Fire, Breakdown, Yelling.

-------------------------------------------

"This was Going to be the most epic prank yet!" well at least thats what Reese told themselves.

"are you sure this isnt a bit much?" Beckett asked bottle of lighter fluid in hand.

"it will be fine. its not like were actually gonna burn it all! just pretend!" Reese said a pile of schedules, books, lists, and other files they had gathered from flints room in there arms.

The two pranksters had moved all of the furniture from the main living space of the mind scape to the side so they wouldnt hurt anything else in the room. reese checked the time and piled the many binders, books, and folders into the middle of the room.

"ok flint will be back any second from helping Riley." reese said as beckett dowsed the pile in lighter fluid.

"your sure these are the fake ones?" beckett asked pulling out the match box.

reese didnt repond as he was looking at the clock. "reese?"

"huh? oh yeah yeah they're fake. stop worrying so much! this is gonna be hilarious!" reese exclaimed.

becket nodded. lighting a match as the clock reached 2:30 and tossing it to the pile in the middle of the floor and they waited. they snickered and giggled. as they heard flint moving arouns frantically in their room looking for the missing supplies.

soon footsteps were heard and flint came walking down the hall. "okay what have you done with MY STUFF!!" flint stepped back away from the barely controlled fire that was burning the now barely recognisable years of facts, books and planning. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!!??" flint screamed his hands tugging at his hair his eyes not moving from the flames.

reese snorted. "it uh..got chilly" he said laughing. beckett was now chuckling at flint whos anger had turned into total defeat.

"thats...this is...the dumbest solution to an issue so...minuscule.." flints arms fell to his sides as tears brimmed his eyes. sure he had some recent copies of schedules saved but...that was memories. he wasnt very sentimental usually but the things he did hold onto were solutions and schedules and learning material where he was helpful..he was important when he made those things.

"Oh calm down you nerd! its not real! god you should have seen the look on your face!" reese weezed as he laughed.

Flints gaze bounced to reese then to the giggling beckett who was safely putting out the flames.

"see look!" reese said pulling up a binder of the once hidden pile of flints stuff. "its all here-" reese opened the binder to find it blank.

......they burned the wrong pile.

Beckett was frozen. internal panic ran through him as he realised there mistake.

"well most of that wasnt important anyway! i mean you can just redue anythinh that we need right now" reese said

But by the time he finished his sentence flint was already slamming the door to his room.

"uhh...reese..is he gonna be ok?" beckett asked.

"yeah he will get over it" reese said. "we should clean up before lev finds out though"

beckett nodded and the boys cleaned up.

--------------

Lev had no idea of the previous prank that had ocurred but while he was folding some laundry he felt a sudden drop in his stomach.

something wasnt right here..

he quickly headed out of his room and down the hall.

Beckett sat on the couch looking at his phone in distress and confusion. he had previously been reading a lengthy Tumblr post but now he couldnt seem to be able to comprehend what any of the words said. he could read them but couldnt retain any knowledge or memory from them.

"um beckett kiddo?" lev started looking around.

"yeah lev?" he responded

"something isnt..right..wheres reese and flint?" he asked.

"they are in their rooms." beckett said.

"....their...rooms..." lev repeated as he tried to recall what that meant. when did understanding things become so hard?

In this moment lev and beckett felt very stupid as they both looked at the world with confusion and lack of understanding.

"I bet flint would know.." beckett mummbled to himself.

This triggered something in levs brain and he made his way upstairs.

Yes, flint will know what's going on he said approaching the dulling door. they had seen this before...but where? what did that mean?

Flint will know. was the last triggering thought as lev opened the door and stepped inside. he was flooded with understanding at that moment.

lev quickly glanced around the fading room. Flint ducked out? but why?!

"flint??!" lev called as he stepped into the crumbling room. oh how he hoped he wasnt too late.

after a few moments flint appeared.

"what is it you need lev?" he asked voice dull and arms crossed.

"flint kiddo..what happened?" he asked

"....i dont know what you mean?"

"flint. now i know im not the harpested pencil in the pouch but i know you were trying tp duck out! what made you wanna do that?" lev asked his voice soft and caring

"that is n-none of your concern" flint responded his voice cracking.

"well of course it is!"

"Get out Lev!!" Flint screamed

"oh umm...ok kiddo" lev said sinking out of the room and appeared in the livingroom

Reese was now in the livingroom with Beckett.

"guys. i dont think flints doing so well...hes trying to duck out! we have to come up with a solution quick before we cant understand anything!" lev exclaimed

reese tensed up and beckett paniced.

"oh no! Rileys never gonna be able to think straight again! its all our fault!" he said tears pricking his eyes.

"well well! um what if we...appologise?! really show him were sorry! like like umm. ill go into long term memory and recopy all of the lost documents!" reese said quickly.

"what documents?" lev asked.

"no time!" beckett said as him and reese quickly dropped down appearing in Flints room. Flint jumped at the sudden company.

"Flint! im really really sorry! please dont duck out! if you duck out then rileys gonna die!" beckett exclaimed to the startled flint.

"uhhh yeah. me too" reese said looking at the panicing beckett.

"oh please..as if either of you actually care. you both lacked any intelligence in most of your previous actions anyway so you have no need for me." Flint said crossing his arms.

"no! no! ok umm..yeah yeah ok we were really really stupid...mainly beckett" reese started. "hey!" beckett shouted as reese continued. "but me to! and i will take full responsibility, though it was mainly beckett"

"not true!" beckett said.

"but i will go down to long term memory and personally replace every file beckett burned" reese said looking at flint with an expecting smile.

"you are insufferable! you expect me to want to come back and believe you have any remorse when you won't even take any blame!?" flint shoutrd as his room began to crack around them.

"Okay okay!! it was all my fault! I came up with the idea! i stole your stuff! I was the ome that stupidly burnt the wrong stuff! it was all me!....it was all me... just please dont leave flint. riley needs you...we all need you....I need you...please im sorry.." reese said deflating.

It was silent for a few moments but for reese and beckett it felt like years.

"....very well...i accept your apology." flint said. and with a blink of an eye his room was back to normal.

"oh thank you thank you!" reese shouted going to hug flint.

"dont touch me" he said.

"ah yeah sorry.." reese said looking away.

"I expect everything returned by next week" flint said.

"NEXT WE-!" reese started but was cut short by becketts glare. "i mean..yeah totally ill have it done."

"good...now get out of my room"

"totally" beckett said leaving reese just nodded and followed behind.

flint stared at the spots they sunk out from. he didnt know if they actually meant any of it.....but for now he would give them the benifit of the doubt..

[wiggly-blue-shite]

Chapter 8 From The Top!

(Prof H X Ted)

Ted brought Henry down the corridor. He checked each number next to the doors to make sure he didn't try and unlock the door to someone else's apartment. He stopped at his apartment.

"Here we are," Ted unlocked the door to his apartment," Appartment 369!"

Henry chuckled a little to himself. Ted couldn't decide whether that was adorable or really stupid.

He opened the door to his apartment. He watched Henry's reaction closely. It's not that he wants him to be impressed it's just it'd be cool if Henry likes his apartment.

"Why is there a bar in your apartment?" Henry noticed! "if you have a bar in your house why would you suggest we got to a bar?"

"Well bars have other people. There's also of an atmosphere that a bar has that this place doesn't." Ted just wanted to make sure Henry was comfortable.

"What, an atmosphere of people drinking there problems away?" Henry chuckled. On second thought a bar is definitely not Henry's vibe.

"The bar in your old place was pretty fucking cool. So I decided next place I would live in, if I survived would have a full bar." Ted was pretty proud he convinced the landlord to install a bar. What can he say? He's a charmer.

"This really is a full bar. You even have fucking maraschino cherries." Henry was examining the bar.

"Oh yeah those" Ted almost forgot he bought those, "just paying homage to Bill. I miss the lightweight sometimes."

"Ah yes Bill. Poor fellow. How exactly do cherries relate to Bill? I didn't really know him." Henry looked over at Ted from across the bar.

"Oh he just said that your bar wasn't a full bar because it didn't have cherries. The dork wanted to get waisted on Shirley Temples." Ted was not going to let Bill say that it wasn't a full bar. Well it's not like he's saying much of anything. Singing doesn't count. PEIP was probably in the process of cleaning the remaining infected off the island. They have probably already "disposed" of Bill. Dumbass, he should have just fucking stayed with them. Then he wouldn't be dead and he could fucking apologize to the bastard.

"Two Shirley Temples." Henry has made Shirley Temples. He gave one of them to Ted. "to the less lucky victims of the hatchetfeild 'incident'."

"Cheers." The two me tried to down the Shirley Temples. They are not really drinks for speed drinking. That was not their best idea.

"Fucking PEIP calling it an incident. Like it wasn't a devastating catastrophe. Like it wasn't almost the end of humanity." Henry was just angrily fiddling with the cherry stem. Ted was pretty sure none of the survivors were happy with PEIP, except for maybe Paul, he's a fucking weirdo.

"Fuck PEIP. I still fucking cant believe they almost had us change our names. Like what the fuck difference would that make!" Ted was glad his complaining made a difference. He was not about to let them change his name to Owen. What kind of name is Owen Carvour anyway? Sounds like a name from a spy movie.

The men switched to taking shots.

"I miss hatchetfeild." Ted sighed. Clivesdale was nice, but hatchetfeild was home.

"Ditto. the moment PEIP lets people live there again, I'm moving back." Henry prepared another shot.

""I don't think I can go back" Ted stole Henry's shot, "I feel like I'd just spend every waking hour missing Charlotte, Bill, Melissa, and Mr. Davidson, That fucking psycho. You get what I'm saying?"

Henry seemed to space out.

"That's logical." Henry said mechanically.

"You good man?" Ted put his hand on Henry's shoulder. Henry tensed up.

"Yes I'm perfectly fine." No he's not. Ted decided that he probably should leave that alone.

"Why do you want to go back, anyway?" Ted shifted the topic.

"I miss my house."

Oh

"It was a pretty baller house." Ted wanted to lighten the mood. It didn't work. They both took another shot in the silence.

"How are you holding up?" Henry patter Ted's shoulder lightly.

"Ehhh. Survivors guilt, you know how it is. Charlotte and Bill were much better people then me. They deserved to survive." Ted realized the conversation will probably not be lightening up.

"Ah yes survivors guilt, my dear

old friend." Henry looked down at his drink.

"Old friend?" That doesn't sound great.

"Eh just something that happened in my college days." Henry didn't look up.

"College days." Wasn't Henry's musical very college centric. Like him and his old college buddies. Oh shit  are his college friends fucking dead?

Henry took another drink. He turned to to Ted. "So a date?"

"Is that a problem for you?" Henry was not about to put flirt Ted. Ted got a little closer. Henry started giggling.

"Oh that's no problem." Henry got closer as well. Ted looked down at his lips. They looked soft. No, he's drunk. Bad idea. Ted pulled away.

"You're drunk."

"So are you" Henry giggled. He wasn't that drunk.

"Do you need me to call you a cab." Ted pulled out his phone.

"Boo I don't wanna go home. I could just stay here." Henry was still a giggly mess.

"You can stay here if you don't want to go out at this time of night." Ted put his phone away started cleaning their glasses.

"I'll stay here." Henry tried inching closer to Ted.

"You can sleep in my room. I'll sleep on the couch." Ted put the glasses away and walked away from Henry.

"Aww what a gentleman." Henry batted his eyes.

"Jesus Christ your like a small child." Ted put down the cleaner glasses. Henry has stopped giggling. He was now full on crying. The drunken mess just did a complete 180.

"Holy shit are you ok I didn't mean it like that." Ted rushes over to Henry to make sure he was ok. Henry was not a pretty crier. There was something about crying that just exuded pure sadness.

"They're... go-o-one..." he must be talking about the college guys.

"Henry?" Why does it hurt so much to watch him cry.

"M-m-m-my ... fa-au-lt" Henry sobbed.

All Ted could think to do was hug him. Henry practically clung to Ted. Ted tried to comfort Henry.

"It's ok." Ted decided that Henry should go to sleep. He tried to help Henry up.

With a lot of fucking effort Ted was able to bring Henry into his bedroom. He fucking tucked Henry in and everything. Ted walked over to his couch and laid down. All he could think about was how sad Henry looked.

~~

From here on new chapters will be less frequent common here on tumblr because this is all the one’s I had written before I decided to also post it on tumblr as well as wattpad. So sorry about that!

[imakemyownworld]

When The Party’s Over pt.2

Part One

This is longish.

It is only a second part and Im setting some foundations for the fic therefore there’s not much of Ethan here but more of my (Bellas) struggles and relationship with Lucas. Somewhere in the middle of this I realised it was half biographical. I always had the strong urge to write about my own life and experiences as I never talk about them (as Bella) irl. I promise the next part will be all about E. :)

Also, if you do read this, please give me some critiques. I know it’s not nearly perfect and I would love to get some feedback. I just recently made this tumblr after being a fan of Gray and E for a good while now and I’m so happy I did. All the people I see here seem so genuinely interesting, funny, creative and nice. Thank you ! xx

Exactly one week has passed since I last saw Ethan. He sent me some messages but I didn't reply, I knew he was busy making a video and that he is going home tomorrow to visit his family for Thanksgiving. My family group chat was going crazy though. My sister who is living in Europe couldn’t book a flight and I wasn't replying to any messages. I just couldn't find the strength to do so, so I figured I'll just show up tomorrow morning, get through the weekend and come back.

I spent the rest of the day studying and scrolling through every possible social network then went to sleep ignoring every text I got.

I'm there in an hour. Xx I texted the group chat as I sat down in my car and turned the engine on. I skimmed through other messages. Ethan was complaining about something Grayson did and Ivy had boy issues. Did I want to see a text from Lucas? Sure, but I never expected one. It's Thanksgiving and everyone is with their families.

I met Lucas two years ago at a film festival in Los Angeles. I was there because I love cinema and Ethan managed to get me some tickets and Lucas was studying film at university near by. At that time I was probably at worst with my depression and anxiety as I just started taking classes at my university. He asked Ivy and me if we wanted to go to the after party and we didn't think twice about it. I never thought I would be someone who does drugs, I was always strongly against it. But he made it seem so normal. He was handsome, to me. He was skinny and every shirt was too big for him. Later I realised those shirts were fine before, but he lost weight. Still, there was something about him. He was mysterious, he loved photography and he talked about movies non stop. He acted cool but I could tell how passionate he is about things he loves. Both of us had something dark in us but neither one of us wanted to talk about it and we understood that about each other. From the moment we met and our friends started hanging out each other everybody already thought we were together. We would tease each other all the time while dancing and hanging around but since we were both kind of distant when sober we were scared to do anything about it. All until one night he kissed me. He kissed me like it was something we do all the time, but it wasn't. He didn't acknowledge it the next day and I remember freaking out about it with Ivy. Next time I saw him it took me every singe atom of bravery in my body to ask him about it. I remember it like it was yesterday. I called him and we separated from our friend group, we walked along the beach in Venice on a chilly summer night.

“Do you remember that we kissed?” I asked him in the middle of his sentence. He froze for a bit and then he made the grimace I couldn't decipher. 

“No” he said quietly “When?” he was looking at me and I could tell that he felt horrible. I tried to look as if I don't care and I was ready to brush it off.

“At the club, last weekend. It’s fine, I just wanted to clear that up. I wasn’t sure if you didn't want to acknowledge it or just don’t remember” I turned around to get back to where our friends were.

“Stop” he took my hand and I felt relief “Im really sorry. You know how I am, I go overboard sometimes and I do things...” he stopped talking. Do things he usually wouldn't? If so, I didnt want to hear about it. I pulled my hand from him.

“...do things I would usually be scared of doing” he said almost painfully. Knowing him today, I know how hard that must have been for him. After that things started heating up between us two. We were never together, we knew that would never work out as we couldn’t communicate normally when sober. But we silently cared about each other, even though we never said it out loud.

At that festival after party we were dancing when he handed me half of the pill and kissed my cheek. I looked at it for a while then looked at him. He was dancing and smiling, seemed so carefree. If someone told me a month ago I would be holding that in my hand I wouldn’t believe them. Even then it looked so wrong in my hand. And then I took it and it was the best night of my life.

We kept on partying like that every other weekend. We didn’t know much about each other but we also knew everything. We would take something then hook up and sleep for what seemed like hours, or minutes. Sometimes I was so out of it I didnt know if I was dreaming or not. We shared those times together, he was the only one I wasn’t ashamed to be around like this. He understood.

My dad opened the door for me and we hugged.

“Hello beautiful”

“Hi dad” he smelled like mom's cooking. I did miss them. “Smells nice in here”

“I feel like there's enough for the whole neighborhood”

I got in and the table was already set up. My mom hugged me and instantly started talking about my sister. How sad she is that she isn't here. I said something back quickly and sat down.

My parents were an unusual kind. They always had my back and supported me through everything as far as school and university go. But I was always the one who had to be home by midnight or not go out at all. I had to lie that I was having a sleepover so that I could go out and have fun with my friends. My mom still believes I never tried alcohol in my whole  life and Im twenty. We were also never the kind of family that talked a lot about feelings and things going on outside of school. I could never talk about boyfriends with my mom or fights I had with my friends. This caused bottling a lot of emotions through my whole life. Ethan had to beg me to talk with him to find out why I was miserable at times. He was the one person I would actually tell what was going on. I never got along with my sister either, we were just two very different people and I always thought: If I met her randomly I would never want to be her friend. Seems harsh, but she was selfish and stubborn, always only looking out for herself and not giving a fuck if she was hurting someone else in the process.

Lunch was actually amazing, my mom made my favorite meals. They crashed on the sofa soon after and started watching some terrible movie and I went to check in my old room.

I must have fallen asleep while watching youtube because it was dark when I opened my eyes. I came down to the living room and heard mom and dad talking in the backyard. I took my moms phone to check the time.

I miss you. It said. William.

My head felt blank for a second. I quickly turned the phone back off.

William was my moms ex boss. I sat down and my head started spinning around. I combined the pluses and minuses, filled in the blanks. Things started making sense. My mom became very sensitive to anyone touching her phone a while back. Before, she never cared about it. I gathered strength and opened the message. It was the only one in the conversation, everything else was wiped clean. I quickly marked it as unread and put the phone back. Fuck.Is my mom cheating on my dad? My head started spinning even more. Poor dad. Should I tell anyone? I can’t tell anyone we can’t even say I miss you to each other let alone Are you having an affair? My poor dad loves mom with all his heart, he does everything for her and she was never truly in love with him. My sister and I realised since we were teenagers that mom acts cold with dad. She doesn’t like it when dad shows her any kind of affection.

“There you are!” mom barged in and I almost jumped in my seat. “You okay? Mike and I were just talking about going for a walk, you’re coming too”

“Ugh, I just woke up” I wasn’t sure I’m mentally ready for that walk.

“Exactly, you need to stretch”

The whole walk I was thinking about my mom. The time when I thought my mom was always in the right was long gone, but this was on a whole new level. How can I take her seriously ever again? She lost all the credibility. How can she pretend to be happy with my dad? If I told him about this it would ruin him. If I told her...Nothing seems like the right option. I don’t want my family to fall apart. We are a bit dysfunctional, but this seems like a scene from a movie and I cant take it. I had to get out of there.

When we got home mom brought us pie and turned on the TV.

“Guys, I’m sorry but I need to get back today. I have a seminar to write” I was nitpicking the pie on my plate.

“Write it here?” dad proposed and it seemd like a reasonable idea “You can take my laptop”

“Yeah but I don’t have my books. Sorry. I might come by next weekend if Emma books that ticket” I smiled at them. It was so natural for me to act like this around them. I was hiding things from them my whole life.

My mom argued with me for a while but she soon realised my mind was set. When the movie finished I took some clothes from my old closet and said goodbye to them. I felt so sorry for my dad, I hugged him tightly and he even said I love you to my ear. I haven’t heard that sentence in months.

I dialed Lucas’s number while driving down the highway.

“Hey danger” he answered almost immediately.

“Hey. Happy Thanksgiving. What are you up to?” I tried to seem chill but my voice was almost cracking.

“Uh, not much. Classic Thanksgiving laying around”

“You up for a sesh?” I was always afraid of him declining me which is why I was rarely the the one to ask him stuff like this.

“What, now? What’s wrong?” he asked that in the most monotone voice but I knew it meant a lot coming from him.

“Lucas.” I sighed and my voice broke down at the end of his name. He was silent for a moment.

“Pick me up. Im sending you the location”

I felt relieved. We haven’t hung out alone in a while and I missed it. I needed an hour to get to him, he was at his parents place. The house was actually very pretty. I know his parents are divorced and his mom remarried, he doesn’t talk about them much but I get the feeling she is worried about him and he doesn’t like that. And now I’m dragging him out on a Thanksgiving weekend. Suddenly I felt even more terrible.

Lucas sat in the car and I was just looking through the windshield.

“Bro, what happened?” he took the aux cord and connected his phone.

“I just realised I dragged you out and you were with your family and it’s Thanksgiving.”

“Yes. Because I love spending quality time with my perfect family. Come on, there’s not a lot of dealers working on Thanksgiving you know that?” Soundtrack 2 my life started playing through the speakers. He loved that song and it made me depressed. After that, he never once asked what had happened, he knew better and I appreciated it.

“Dealers? I have everything in my flat”

“Not this” he smiled devilishly to me and typed in the address in his phone.

“So in one hour you managed to find the guy? Seems to me like you were just waiting for my call. What are we taking?” I was driving down his neighborhood. We were the only people on the street.

“Been waiting on this for a while. You’ll see”

The address wasn’t that far away. I parked and he left, came back two minutes later.

“Church?”

Church was the most trashy techno club in the area, it was a dump but it was always open and the atmosphere was always great.

We parked near the club and started drinking rum that he brought from his place. I was doing my makeup with the help from his flashlight and my front camera. I took the cropped top from the back of the car and put it on. I felt wrong to be happy at this moment but I was. I was with him and I knew we were going to have fun.

“You gonna tell me what it is now? You know I’m not doing heroin or anything like that”

“Jesus. Of course not” he pulled the baggy out of his pocket. “Ketamine”

I had zero clue what that is. Everything I knew about drugs came from Lucas.

“You’ll see later.” he says and I can’t believe I have so much trust in him to just get on with it but at this moment I don’t care. He takes out a pill from his pocket and breaks it in half.

“You have a whole pharmacy out there” I say and swallow the pill.

“Shut up” he laughs. We are both pretty tipsy by now as we start walking to the club. I pay for the entrance and we’re finally there. This is where I felt at home. How weird is that? The lasers, lights, annoyingly loud house music. The music I could never listen to sober, it drives me insane.

I opened my eyes to see Lucas sleeping next to me, sun was shining through closed curtains. I fell asleep again and I dreamt about last night. Dancing, kissing Lucas and him kissing me. I dreamt that I woke up and walked around the apartment. I showered. Was that a dream? I was asleep again. It was nighttime. Lucas and I were rolling around the bed desperate for each other, desperate to feel something, anything.

It was night when I finally definitely woke up. I checked the time on my bedside table. It was 3am on Sunday. Lucas was sitting on the window next to the bed smoking.

“Hi” I wanted to say but all I said was a weak I

“Morning” he turned his head to face me “Magnesium next to your bed. Drink it”

I took the glass from the bed table and wasted a good three minutes to take two sips. Lucas was looking at me the whole time with a massive grin on his face.

“I need to shower”

“You showered three hours ago” he said and I looked at him confused.

“So I wasn’t dreaming?”

He shook his head.

“Did we have sex? Like, in those three hours?” I asked not looking at him.

“What? No. Did you dream about that?” He threw the cigarette in the ashtray and went under the covers. I just looked at him and he smiled again.

“When did we get home?”

“Around 7AM. We slept through the whole Saturday. As far as I remember” he removed all of my hair from my face and made a bun out of it.

“I don’t even want to know what I look like”

“Do you remember the night out?” he prompted himself on the elbow to face me.

“I don’t know. We were dancing?”

“You..” he stopped and lied back down “I didn’t want to give you any more, of anything, because you had too much” coming from Lucas this meant something because I’m usually the one to stop him from going too far “So you just disappeared and..”

“What?” I hated not remembering anything.

“I dont know. You took something and you came back after ten minutes totally out of it. We stayed for and hour after that because you didn’t want to leave. After that I got us in an uber and we came here.”

I didn’t say anything.

“Look, something obviously happened during the weekend, I won't ask but you should know better than take something from strangers. You scared me” he glanced at me. I remembered the moment. I was acting like a brat. It must’ve looked ridiculous. I left him and found some girls snorting something in the bathroom. We talked for a while, I think one of them was coming on to me. I said that I was here with a friend but he didn’t want to give me anything so they offered. I had no idea what it was. What was I thinking?

“Im stupid” I told him about what happened “Im sorry. I found out that my mom is having an affair. But, I also suspected that for a while now. My mind was spiraling and I guess I overdid it”

We were quiet for a few moments.

“I’m sorry” he turned to face me and we stared at each other for a while.

“Is it bad that I love the high so much that I’m not at all regretting any of this? It’s the only time I feel happy”

“I don’t know” he answered “If you think I’ll reason you, you asked the wrong guy. I’m in the same spot” we both smiled, but his eyes were filled with sadness. I wonder if mine were too? We would only talk like this high. Our sober conversations didn’t exist, they were empty and meaningless. We hid behind walls that would come down every once in a while, and I cherished those moments. I kissed him softly and fell asleep in his arms soon after

I woke up at noon, Lucas was still sleeping and Im pretty sure he was missing a class, as I was. I wondered if he stayed because he wanted to or because he was taking care of me. I rarely got to see the sensitive side of him that I longed for. I would try and push his buttons sometimes asking him ridiculously touchy-feely questions and he would just laugh it off and tell me to shut up. But I saw in his eyes that he wanted to tell me things but didnt know how to. I knew for a fact that he didn’t have the best relationship with his parents ether, they didn’t speak about things and even if they wanted to I can’t imagine Lucas opening up to anyone, especially his parents.

I remembered almost all of last night. Lucas wasn’t having fun, he was mostly looking after me. I was usually the one giving him water, asking him if he was fine because he would look like a zombie. Sometimes I would only go out because I was scared that no one would be taking care of him. When we started hanging out we were both fairly knew to all of this but I could see how fascinated he was with all of it. I was too. My world went from black and white to technicolor. My, usually, messed up head that was overthinking everything and anything felt blank. It was just living in the moment, swaying on the dancefloor with the people you love.

But seeing him at his worst was painful to watch. It wasn't fun anymore, it made me see the dark side of things. When the high wears off you feel ten times more depressed and ten times more eager to go to the next party, and then the next one. Until your life just becomes waiting. Waiting to get high and drunk and feel things.

Realizing that made me never want to do drugs again, but that would last a couple of days. What scared me was that I knew that even after last night, when Lucas saw me at my probably lowest, he would never think about leaving it. It was captivating, appealing to him. It didn't scare him at all.

I was taking a shower when he knocked at my door.

"Bell, you have a visitor. I’m going out okay?" I soon heard a door swing shut. A visitor? I had come up with at least ten people who would come here after me not looking at my phone for three days straight and I was scared to see every single one of them. God, I hope it wasn’t Ethan meeting Lucas.

I dressed and got out of the bathroom to see Emily standing behind my kitchen counter. She wouldn't even be on the list of fifty people to come here. What was Ethans girlfriend doing in my apartment? And why didnt I clean up a bit?

[hcbgoblin]

guess who hasnt died AND ALSO WENT TO A BTS CONCERT which was like 3 weeks ago and i already did all my screaming on twitter cause i havent been on tumblr in like a month BUT HEY I WENT TO A BTS CONCERT AND MY LIFE IS CHANGED WHAT DO I HAVE TO LIVE FOR NOW 

all they ever said abt brasil is so true hearing a wholeass stadium singing every line of every single song is like    an out of body experience 

and bangtan. omg. God theyre   so    powerful LIKE hdfjds i sound like every yt comment but ITS TRUE their performance their stage presence is SO STRONG i was so far away (next time im definitely trying harder for floor seats ;n;) but i still Felt it, i cant even explain it, i couldnt even record many videos. the fire choreography omg the baepsae dope fire medley i cant believe i saw that WITH MY OWN EYEBALLS and oof their solos THEIR SOLOS i just guhdfjslaskf like all of them had such a different vibe but we were so loud and you could just tell they were reveling in it, jimin was smiling so wide every time we sang with him and jungoo actually closed his eyes one moment and shdj yoongi was straight up like ‘yes thats right, s i n g  f o r  m e’

it must be such a power rush for them bc it kinda was for me too? like hearing that whole stadium and watching their reactions, watching how they laughed in happiness or when they got overwhelmed and emotional or even when they cried its like ‘we’re doing that. we’re giving them that’ its a          weirdly powerful feeling?

even the songs they kicked choreography like theyre so so sosososo  good. the truth untold - tear transition and part ??? holy shit. holy shit the goosebumps it was so beautiful and their voices are so clear and theyre so sharp and they look like theyre having the time of their lives, everytime we sang they looked like they were reveling in it ugh and lmao brasil went c r a z y for idol and mic drop it was the most intense songs in all the concerts ive ever been to 

but at the same time that theyre so powerful everytime they stopped to talk to us they are             so              cutE theyre babies i swear theyre so sweet and lovely and      so ridICULOUS jhfds they tried to samba and jungoo almsot fell i swear ,,, they talked so much portuguese, tae gave us a whole damn speech in pt. he said sth like ‘i will say saragheyo and you say eu te amo, ok?’ iT WAS. DEVASTATION. jin told us he felt like he was watching our concert sjfkg jhope played up how whipped we as a country are for him jungkook gave us the bunniest smiles and talked to us in pt and yoonGI jfdkls talked abt the first time they came here and how hell never forget it AND JIMIN he looked so emotional and when he talked abt being sick you cannot understand the urge i had to hug him right then and there and NAMJOON AND HIS DAMN TIME ZONE SPEECH I sob.  they said they missed us and want to come back more listen dont play me like this. and them and us eventually like communicating in korean, english and portuguese all at once when they were trying to explaing their light project to our dumbasses was the Peak, multilingual legends bangtan-army 

AND ANPANMAN AAAAAAAAAAAAA

they cried, we cried, it was all beautiful and amazing and intense and i had to come back alone in sao paulo after and it was an odyssey but it was stiLL AMAZING in full i love them mom and now i have post concert depression again and my fresh twitter rant is here

i cant believe i watched baepsae and fire The Songs that mademe listen to kpop and go :000 where has this BEEN IN MY LIFE  in the first place live LIVE i cant believe i saw them right there physically in front of me and that i made them laugh and cry and love that night too and omg it was so incredible and somehow 2 and a half hours of concert felt too short i swear

also i finished a seminar i had to present the next day from inside the concert venue on my phone 20 minutes before the concert which. says a lot abt me i feel. but i had this rly big popcorn for like 10 reais which was nice hi5 allianz parque

[sharkytrash7]

My last say. Hopefully not my final essay.

So I've been watching YouTube videos of how to get over ex's and how to deal with break ups. In my heart, I know we belong together. I know the fact that I'm not Christian is a problem. My arguement is that you never fell in love with an atheist. You fell in love with me. Its tough when you refer to me as atheist because I'm so much more then that. You of all people know that. I love you with all my heart. I want to marry you still. I'm not of being alone or being without you. I'm scared of what I am without you. To be honest you were and still are my guardian angel in my eyes. You've changed my life and I hate to see you leave. You keep emphasizing that we might not be together but I still have hope we'll be together. After all, you have my rib. I know things are hard for you at the moment with God. Its tough for me 2. I go to afda and put on a smile pretending I'm fine. You want to be with a Christian. I get that. But no Christian will be as good as I am to you. Even tough I'm not a Christian, I can try to be the best person in the world for you. I dont love for your looks or your voice or cause you give me affection or cause you buy me stuff or cause you did things to me. Its all those things and more. I love you cause youre you. I would never change anything about you. Even your cute toes. Once upon a time I promised you I'd convert for you. I want to make this clear ! I am not trying to manipulate you in any way shape or or form ! Im just venting to tumblr. I'd keep my promise. It wouldnt be for you or for me but for us. Cause your right woman ! Its just better if we're both Christian. I know your gonna be thinking, "hmmmm, hes probably just saying this so I get back with him. He just wants me back. What an ass" and it does look like that. Thats why. Huh. Idk actually. I guess it is kinda fucked up to say this. Kinda shity cause then it would make your life 10 times harder. Okay so ignore that bit. Im not deleting it because effort AND because I said it / typed it with meaning and for a reason.

I get why we dont talk because if your parents find out they'll lose their minds and also because I'm pulling you away from your God things. But like when will I be able to date you. Ya know. Like even if I was Christian, your parents would still hate me. And if your parents forgave me. I wouldnt be Christian. So i get your side of life. Cause thats tough cookie. I wish our love could be enough because it is lowkey for us. Its a rough one. I wanna tell you so many things but i dont wanna jinx your future. I just find it crazy that you think your going to marry someone else. People have been saying its just because your my first girlfriend but I dont believe em. I felt a connection with you. Something I dont see happening with anyone else. You keep telling not to wait for you but its what I feel is right. Just like how you said it feels right to break up. I dont think this will last forever. We'll I wont be able to last much longer but. I feel like we've got this. We've been through a lot together and I'm positive about us. When I said us not being together would be a watse I didnt mean a waste of time or money or anything. I just meant it would be crazy for us to go through everything we did just to let (a big deal) get in the way. I love you. I love you. I LOVE YOU MY BOO !

Lowkey in the back of my head thinking this

I know I said these things but I cant hold you to anything. You could be over me and my shit and want another relationship. I have to deal with that. If you want some buff white english indie guy to come love you then that the way it'll be.

Deep down I want it to be though. Like I want to be your knight. Your dark knight _wink wink_. I know eternal life is a big thing for you and I'd like to be there with you to. I dont really know if I'll be accepted up in heaven. Even if i am a Christian. Im hard on myself like that. Id rather let more deserving people go to heaven. Idk why I put myself. Its just me. I just see potential in others. More so than in myself. I see my purpose on earth as a chance to help others. You know. Plus im sure when (i cant remember the name of it) the blue lights come down and take people to heaven. Im sure I'll meet you up there. Your just so scared of messing up like one thing and I get it I was like that 2. Id make sure everything was planned out. Truth is. I hd to stop being scared in order to move forward. Like after my car accident. I was terrified to drive again. I couldnt deal with driving. But i had to get over it. And I know you blame yourself and God for what happened. Please dont. Everything happens for a reason. I feel like that stuff taught me a lesson about being calm and calming myself down. It definitely wasnt God punishing you for being with me. Again not trying manipulate you or preach to you or try to change your thoughts. Its just my opinion. All I'm hoping you do is consider what I'm saying. I really truley am sorry about everything but at the same time. Everything that happened has happened and its made us who we are. If given the chance I'd do it again.

Also lowkey I'd love to celebrate 2 years with you. #nopressure. Like seriously I'm being serious but at the same time dont stress you cute little head about it. If it doesnt happen it doesnt happen.

My eating habits have gotten worse. Idk. Im lowkey scared im dying. I want to go to the doctor but its expensive and I've been such a burden on my parents. I'm pretty sure I can wait a couple years before getting it checked up.

My new glasses are cool. You have to see yhem in person. That another thing. I thought i wouldve seen you by now just driving or something. But i guess you only really drive to church and home. Or to someones house or like a party thing.

Happy 21st birthday baby. Wow. Your getting like so old. I still remember falling in love with the 19 year old you. Look how far we came. A whole 2 years. Youve grown so much since then. Firstly you don't bump into cars xD. Jk. You really have become such a grown up and I've been blessed being there with you. You became independent and youve become yourself. Its was a wild trip but to see you come out on top has been worth it. You deserve the world. And if anyone tries to hurt you / stop you, send em my way. Youre one of the most beautiful intelligent cutest amazingest bestest person in the whole world. Happy Birthday Boo.

The boo tattoo. We getting em together ? Also all your stuff is still here so if you do move out invite me over sometime so i can drop off these things. Lowkey your life is amazing and spontaneous and I have huge FOMO (fear of missing out). You don't to worry about me tho. I've been waiting to do things with you.

Moving out. Yeah. Its a big possibility next for me. I remember you originally said we can't live together which sucked but made sense. So. If you ever need a place to stay. Call me. I'll set up a guest bedroom for you.

I wasnt going to with your dad a happy birthday because you never with mine I dont think. But im not a monster like you. Jk lol. You probs just forgot.

Also it really sucks you cant speak 2 me. Your not an asshole. I just wish you could've helped me calm down.

Im sorry this was so long. I'm sure Ive forgotten things and said things I shouldnt have but tbh its been kinda theraputic for me. Like I feel a lot better having got thise things off my chest. You dont have to reply to anything yet. Cause I know your brains busy atm. If you can acknowledge that you seen it that would be nice. But ja. Please dont take anything Ive said personally or strongly. I just blurped things out and yes things do have meaning. But it takes two to tango. I desperately want to tango with you though.

Ps I love you

Pps Im sorry

Ppps take me back

Pppps jk. not jk

Yours truly

Triston Kyle Pillay (Penguin)

3:36 Vala is today. Shhhh

[in-her-wildest-dreams]

MY LA SECRET SESSION EXPERIENCE!

Background:

So Taylor���s been following me for over 2 years now and she’s showed up for me somewhat regularly ever since she followed me which I’m incredibly grateful for (like INCREDIBLY). When she did secret sessions last era, I didn’t even have a fan account for anything and I got all the news off insta and my best friends in real life @thislove-brittany and @thosegeorgiastars13 when we would come into school and talk about how some extremely lucky fans got to go into her home and hang with her for hours on end. At that point we all almost had to laugh because we live in Australia and we weren’t known AT ALL by Taylor and we just told ourselves it was such a far fetched dream it was ridiculous… Fast forward a few months later that next year in 2015, when Taylor followed me – I believe to this day she saw a photo of B, G and I posing as Bad Blood characters, and she followed me from that. So basically the first memory I have of Taylor acknowledging my existence was shared with my 2 best friends, but let me now continue with the story….

 On the 1st of January this year, I wrote this post: 

About 4 weeks ago, things at uni went downhill and I had quite literally hit rock bottom in terms of my stress and my future regarding uni. At the same sort of time Taylor had started joining people’s livestreams but she would do so between the hours of 3-7am Australian time so I just kept waking up to her lurking people and watching their lives while I had zero chances in the first place and it was there and then that I thought to myself ‘I’m never meeting her, I have negative hope that I’ll ever meet Taylor” and basically I spent a few days not logging in very much because I was so upset about everything and just didn’t want to bother. But then I started having so many fun events like friends and family birthday parties over those next few weekends and life felt a bit better. During one of those weeks, Taylor had seen 2 or 3 of my tumblr posts where I complimented people’s selfies and it hit me then that good things were still coming and that she still probably maybe had her eye on me (but it was still just wishful thinking). Then London SS happened and my best friend from England, Katy aka @ethereal-swiftness ended up meeting T and I’d sent her an ask about keeping the secret and Taylor saw that a day later and once again I really started to feel things again and it was almost as if right then I knew something was coming for me – like I just knew.

 Getting Contacted by TN

So it was Wednesday morning on the 18th of October, 5.36am, when B and G texted me about 23 times in a row with messages like “EMENME” “CHECK TUMVLT NOW GO DHCIENEONC DO IT CHEJCK IT” “WE GOT THE SMEDSAHE” so naturally I nearly fell out of my bed because yes, in fact, my 2 best friends in real life had both individually received a confidential message from TN and so I went to check my tumblr and there was nothing there so I was worried at first, but I know they always take a while to send each one out, and once again, by my own intuition, I just knew I was getting one, and knew somehow that all of us were going to meet her together at some point – we’d been on countless walks by the beach all year dreaming about the day we’d meet T together, and I just knew in my heart it would happen for us all – and so I had to go to uni that day so I was checking my messages every other minute of the day, and I got home in the afternoon and had a nap because I was physically exhausted LOL. Next minute I realise its nearly 6pm and I was getting ready for dinner, and out of nowhere, my subconscious mind decided that I’d click on my twitter app, which I genuinely barely EVER touch these days - I hadn’t touched it in days, but somehow my mind told me to click on it in that moment, and the second I logged in there was one new message, and there it was. I screamed so loud and started shrieking, running over to mum and dad and yelling at them – they were very very excited because I’d told them about the girls getting one that morning!!! I couldn’t believe they’d sent it via twitter as my main account is tumblr and I was expecting it to come from there but hey then I realised how shifty Taylor is and she probably gave them my twitter because its in my tumblr bio (!!!!!!) (TN don’t follow me on twitter either). They asked for my details in the message. Anyway so it hit me that night that I was officially meeting Taylor anytime in the next 2 weeks or so and I remember proper crying in the shower that night (I never cry properly like I just don’t do it?!!!!) because it was just a shock and it couldn’t have come at a better time honestly and it all just hit me so hard. So anyway the next day I was writing my notes for uni and at about 1pm, I got a call from a New York number and I knew instantly it was TN. I think it may have been Sierra but I honestly can’t remember LOL so the first thing she said was “I understand this may be a bit of a flight…” and in the moment I was like ‘yeah no Sydney or Melbourne is nothing for me’, expecting the event was to be held in Australia LOL, but the next thing she said was “So there’s actually going to be an event in the Los Angeles area on Sunday” and I straight away said “wait you mean this Sunday?!!!” and she said “Yes like in 4 days Sunday, yes in Los Angeles, now I know this is a lot and you may not be able to come but at this stage there’s nothing else on the cards, and we do have your details now and we can send you some things in the meantime” so I said “okay okay can I just call you back so I can sort some things out, can I please just call you back” and she was fine with that and so I hung up and told Mum instantly and then called Dad and he was so happy for me that he was already helping me look up next day flights! So low and behold, within the hour, I ended up booking flights myself and getting in contact with the girls so we could sort out similar flight times and hotels etc, and TN called me back and I told them it was a ‘go’ and that’s the story of how I was suddenly about to fly to LA with one days’ notice to meet Taylor Swift LOL. So basically I had to spend the next few days making up (very) lame excuses to you guys online as to why I wasn’t posting at my usual times and it was the hardest secret I will ever have to keep OH. MY. GOD.

 Arriving in LA

So Friday morning LA time I arrived and met up with the girls straight away at the airport luckily, and we made our way to our hotel. Of course because we were all on a 13+ hour flight, we missed the release of ‘Gorgeous’ and we knew we had to learn the lyrics before Sunday LOL so it was on repeat for 48 hours straight and we were loving every moment of it. We had an amazing 2 full days exploring LA and doing fun things, knowing how excited we were for Sunday’s adventure!!!

Meeting Taylor

In no time it was Sunday the 22nd October, aka the day we were meeting Taylor Swift in her LA home. (!!!!!!) We had to go out shopping in the morning to find a frame for B’s painting she was doing for T, and then we probably spent the rest of the day in the hotel with ‘Gorgeous’ on repeat getting prepared to actually get ready LOL. By 12pm we started doing our makeup and hair because we didn’t want to rush the process or anything, and honestly soon enough it was already 3.30pm and we were downstairs taking photos and vlogging, about to hop in an uber to take us to the meeting spot (!!!!!!). So we get there and walk inside to where TN directed us, fill out some details and get our wristbands (!!!!!) and suddenly I recognise this girl with dark hair and a stripy dress, and I just kNEW straight away it was Bella aka @swiftful-thinking13 but I had that fear it wasn’t so I waited a bit longer to properly check and it was DEFINITELY her LOL so we were all kind of standing in a circle and I just looked at her and went “Bella… Bella… BELLA” and she dead set looked at me in complete and utter shock for god knows how long (there were no words coming out I kid you not) and so then and there we both ran into a hug and she basically started crying, saying “THIS IS BETTER THAN MEETING TAYLOR SWIFT I CANT BELIEVE YOU’RE HERE IN LA WTF MY DREAMS HAVE COME TRUE I LOVE YOU” and literally until we actually got on the shuttle she was in disbelief and none of us could quite believe what was happening LOL (I knew ALL ALONG she was gonna be there, may I add, I KNEW it).

This is a pic of Bella and I basically as soon as we met!!

Anyway among all this chaos, someone informed me that @ohkimani just rolled up and I legit stood up, looked around and went “KIMANI” and there she was in front of me and yeah that was casual, considering I was supposed to meet both these girls in a few months time when I’m back in LA!!! So we took some photos, had a good chat, and I also met Paige!! ( @heypay ), and waited around until it was time for us all to get on the shuttles to the ‘secret location’.

Kimani, Bella and I!                             

 It was about 6pm or so when our group got on the shuttle after a security check, and I sat next to Bella, while B and G sat right behind us, and we spent the entire ride basically holding each others hands crying, knowing that we were minutes away from Taylor Swift’s house (!!!!!!). So we roll up to her place, the gates open and it felt like I was in wonderland in that moment, I’m telling you it was indescribable. We had to have another body check when we got off the shuttle, and we were then told to stand against the wall. On my way to the wall, I saw what looked like her guest living area all lit up with about 20 candles sitting around a bench LOL, and then there was an archway next to the wall to the backyard that was surrounded by fairy lights!!!!!!!! So in the few minutes we waited for everyone to get off the bus, we started hyperventilating and going into panic mode like I think I said to Bella about 20 times in a row that I wanted to turn around and leave because it felt fake and I got so scared suddenly that we were about to be in Taylor Swift’s presence (!!!!!!!!). 

Anyway soon enough I think it was Erica who escorted us through to the backyard, and into the pool area where the first group were mingling. All the food was set up on tables around the pool area and I just about lost my entire soul in that moment…. It was like a scene from a Hollywood movie like her location is divine!!!! and just sitting around her pool eating her food was a feeling I could never ever ever describe to you…ever. I had a plate with hommus and carrots because a lot of you know I can’t live without hommus LOL, and I had some olives, a REP cookie, REP m&m’s, a sushi roll thing, chips, and of course, a SMART water hehe. When we went to sit down by the jacuzzi, ‘Fire Away’ by Chris Stapleton started playing, and Bella and I just looked at each other in disbelief because in that moment everything was perfect, and we were listening to such a chilled, country song as the sun set in the most beautiful way over LA on a warm autumnal night at Taylor Swift’s house. It was there that I think we both just cried, like we’d met for the first time at Taylor Swift’s house and we’d already felt like best friends and it all came full circle, and I looked at B and G and went, guys this just isn’t real, its not… how did we fly here, I can’t believe life right now. That moment is a memory I’ll treasure forever and I truly could not have felt more content with my life – everything felt perfect. So we were waiting until the other groups arrived, and suddenly I saw Tree turn up so I went over and while she was chatting to other people, @teardropsonsmyguitar came over to me and said “OH MY GOD I KNEW I RECOGNISED YOU OH MY GOD EMILY HEY” and I was like oh my gODDD girl, remind me your username again!!!! And she told me and I knew it was Kaitlyn straight away and she told me I was beautiful etc and just about cried then too because I felt closer than ever to everyone there even though I was oceans away from home! Finally Tree turned to us and she said “So where are you guys from?!” and B, G and I said together “Australia!” and she goes “wOW WOW oh my GOD what part?!” and we said Gold Coast and she was so enthused and ecstatic for us and then I asked her how her cat is going and she told us a cute little story and it was adorable hehe and then we spoke more and she had to go and check on something and left. I also finally got to meet my Aussie gal @screamedsooloud and her sister during that time and we were talking about the fact that none of us knew if any other Aussies were gonna be there and omg Dani is truly as funny as you see online LOL. 

Anyway soon after, we were escorted back up to the house, into a small living area with candles lit everywhere and soft pillows/blankets all over the floor. I was so mesmerised by everything that I wasn’t paying attention to where B and G were and suddenly they said “EM, come over here!!!” and I turned around and saw a red chair with speakers either side and I knew EXACTLY where homegirl was about to be sitting, so somehow we ended up smack bang at the front of the room, less than 1m away from the chair. We then spent a solid 10 minutes screeching and crying to each other, knowing Taylor Swift was about to sit less than a f*****g metre away from us for 2 hours (!!!!!!!!!!!!). So yeah all of a sudden, there was commotion at the back of the room, and Taylor Alison Swift appeared through the curtain, and the whole room turned into madness and hysteria holy christ, but no apparently that wasn’t enough – two of the HAIM sisters are right behind her, as well as Jack Antonoff, Ruby Rose, Jessica Veronica (I think), Ash Avignone, and someone else and the whole room went into riot (!!!!!!) Taylor made her way to the front, hugging some people along the way, including B, to which T said “YOU MADE IT!”, knowing we came from Australia (????!!!!!!!). So there we were, less than a metre away from Taylor Swift herself, trying to act like we were somewhat alive in that moment. She looks very different in real life I found I don’t know she just looked so beautiful and perfect in every way and she was wearing high waisted camo pants with huge boots and a long sleeved black crop with her curly hair and red lips!!! I won’t talk now much about what happened in that room, but I WILL say I had a dance party with her and she came over to us and fully had a proper dance sesh and it still just felt like a dream. Throughout the playing of the album, she looked at me so intently so many times that I felt like I had to look away at times because she truly does stare into your soul like its mesmerising WOW. Anyway when (my now favourite song) was playing, I started crying instantly and I saw that she was watching me at times, and by the last verse, Bella, me, B and G had all lost it, laughing and crying at each other, having the absolute time of our lives, and T watched us, smiling and miming the lyrics to us the whole verse and that was by far probably the happiest moment of my life, it was just a feeling you could not put into words – it meant everything and it couldn’t have been more perfect, she made that song extra special for me and I’ll have that memory to hold onto forever. We also fully bowed down to her like you actually would to Queen Elizabeth, because hey she IS a queen, and it was so funny LOL. 

Once she’d kinda finished up with that part of the night, she told us she had to go de-sweat and freshen up because that LA heat with 100 of us in a small room was really getting to everyone and so we kinda mingled and went for a bathroom rush to freshen up ourselves before we started the meet and greet/photo opportunity. We went to what was probably her guest bathroom, as the house is still in renovation and there were actual notes on the wall saying ‘wallpaper’ etc like it was legit in mid renovation so it was exciting to know that she told us we were the first official ‘guests’ in this home?!!!! And then we got back into the room and mingled while people started forming a line to the next room where she was about to take photos and meet us! It was probably about 45 minutes later, after lots of crying and talking and general disbelief, that we were about to walk over and hug Taylor Swift – ‘Malibu’ by Miley Cyrus was playing right before we met her and I could not have been happier I swear. 

Brittany went over first and she hugged her so tight, and then T looked at me like ‘HEY!’ and we hugged (absolutely magical hugs they are), and then G hugged her. The first thing I said was “okay so we got told on Thursday and booked next day flights over here” and she said instantly “look I still can’t believe you guys made it like I can’t believe it WOW!” and then I think we spoke a bit more about it and she said “so Ali texted me before saying ‘The Australians are here!’ and I was so excited and I can’t believe you’re actually here!” And B said something like “of COURSE we’re here we wouldn’t miss it!!!” and then I think we must have taken the photo and I was like “Can I hold the Grammy” and she was like “uhhh yeaahhhhhhh” and I asked her which Grammy it was to which she said “1989 AOTY” and so there I was holding her latest Grammy in her house, just casually. I gave it to B to hold, and then held it again on the throne that we sat on in the photo LOL, and she gave G the phone from the LWYMMD music video that she danced with earlier LOL. So we all sat down and then T leaned in from the side and I think she put her arm around B and before I could even orientate myself nicely they’d already taken the photo LOL so I’m worried how that will turn out…. So then we all spoke a bit more and I asked her how the cats were and she said “yeah they’re doing really well at home now, although they did have a fight today” and she showed me the scar on her finger LOL, and then she said “but Meredith’s been so good lately, she’s been behaving and she even purred” and I think I just laughed and said ‘yeah purring’s always a good sign’ or something stupid, and then I complimented her black sparkly nails and she pulled them out towards us and said “aww thanks, do you like them? I did them today!” and then we must have said again that we couldn’t believe we were really there and she said “guys I just cannot believe you made it, thank you so much” and then the girls walked away because everyone seemed to go as a group first and then allow each person to have a one on one with Taylor. So suddenly it was just me and Taylor and I think the first thing we did was get a photo and so I said “okay what should we do” and she was like “I don’t mind, whatever you want” and so I quickly said “lets just hug” because I always wanted a cute hugging photo so we just locked ourselves in a hug, and JUST as the photographer was about to take our photo, they had to walk away and change something, so in any normal situation I thought T would let go and just wait, but she LITERALLY KEPT HUGGING ME in that position and I nearly died I was in shock but also felt so loved in that moment and I said “oh my god you smell AMAZING” because we were literally THAT close her scent was fully rubbing off on me and she smelled DIVINE like my gOD !!!!!! And she said “awww thanks” and then I think we finally got our photo, and then started talking more. The first proper thing she said was “oh my god I LOVE your dress so much, wow, its like perfect for like a more important, special type of occasion, like a first date, you know what I mean?!” and I just lost it then wow. I think after that I mentioned how thankful I am for all the tumblr friends I’ve made and how supportive we are online and she said something like “awww yes it’s the most beautiful thing” and then I mentioned Akhila ( @smilingswiftie ) and how she told me she was meeting T beforehand and then I realised I probably shouldn’t have told Taylor that so I quickly said “don’t worry, I kept the secret!!” and she turned back and cackled LOL I found it pretty funny and then she ACTUALLY SPOKE ABOUT AKHILA and said “oh my god she’s so pure and adorable and I didn’t want to let her go” and I said “yeah she’s so beautiful” and then I mentioned how Mere  ( @lifeofswiftie89 ) had mentioned Jess ( @jessicaswiftie1989 ) and I (my OG group chat) at the RI ss and she interrupted and said “ah Meredith with the cats” and nodded and said “yeah yeah” before I finished Jess’s name and she fully knew them as she apparently did when Mere mentioned Jess and I to her (?!!!!!) so yeah that happened and she knows a LOT of people I tell you… And then I think she was just standing there and I remember looking up and saying “you’re GORGEOUS” because I wanted to sneak in the ‘gorgeous’ reference LOL, and she stepped back and did that cute little smile of hers and said “thanks GORGEOUSSSSSSS” just like she sings it in the song (!!!!!!) and then I probably said for the millionth time that I couldn’t quite believe I was there and she said for the millionth time “I can’t believe you’re here thank you so much for coming!!” and then she had the AUDACITY to say so casually like so casually I almost died, that “you were on the list ages ago, I’m so sorry they took so long!” and I think I just laughed in shock and went “well I can’t BELIEVE I’m here, thank you so much” and then I think she hugged me again and we said our goodbyes and it was B and G’s turn to speak with her. I got my merch bag and Ali wanted me to wait for the girls because they wanted to interview us about coming all this way…. And then soon enough we were escorted out the side door and back onto the bus and I basically wanted to cry then LOL and so that was the story of how I flew 13 hours across the world with 3 days notice to meet Taylor Swift in LA with my 2 best friends!!!!!!!

Timing really is a funny thing, and it all just so happened at quite honestly the most perfect time ever. This year I have felt more confident than ever, and most content with myself and my life and I feel like the best things happen when you’re at your best and that’s why meeting her when I did couldn’t have possibly come at a better time – just know that good things come to those who wait, and you’ll know when you know, I promise. Never ever ever give up. 

And so to end the story, on October 22nd 2017, this happened:

thank you endlessly from the bottom of my heart for the opportunity of a lifetime, and for giving me a memory I will NEVER forget as long as I live, Taylor, you’re truly the best there is :’)

[b0oker18]

My First Post: My thoughts/headcanon on the relationship of Mulder and Scully pre and post “I want to Believe”

Disclaimer: Originally I just wanted to just share my thoughts on Mulder and Scully's relationship pre - “I want to Believe” and there relationship during “I want to Believe” but I have never really expressed my thoughts publicly before, so this becomes a much longer conversation. So it might get a little messy at some point. I say things like I may get into that in another post and then it goes on for three paragraphs. I just want to get this out there and don’t want to edit anymore. Sorry! Enjoy!

I just re-watched the X Files “I Want To Believe” for the first time in like 4 or 5 years recently, I always liked the movie (I guess), but never REALLY thought about it much other than the MSR scenes.

But upon watching again, and having watched season 10 and 11, (maybe i'll share my thoughts on that another day) I now see the movie with a different set of eyes. Specifically the complex relationship of our beloved M and S. I would like to share some of my theories/headcanon with the tumblr-sphere if there's even anyone willing to listen and give their feedback and thoughts. But please keep in mind that these things are my personal feelings, I have no proof that what i am saying is 100% correct and quite frankly no one else does either. Please Enjoy!

A lot of XF fans say that Scully is sad throughout the entire movie, and I agree, but in my mind it is justified (and please bear in mind that I am mostly thinking just in-universe and not the decision of the writers, directors, actors.) I mean think about it, she has a man at home, who is isolated from the world, he spends his days cutting out newspaper stories and pinning them to a wall in an office the size of a half bath. Mulder is bored, even though he does not admit it. (The pencils on the ceiling in his office are a dead giveaway). Also Scully seems to have her head above water, being a successful doctor. I don't think Mulder is necessarily jealous of that, but it's got to hurt him sometimes. Thats human nature! He lost his chance to tell the world of the things he's done and that sucks!

I also want to be clear that this does not mean I think that M and S spend their days in misery. I think that once Scully comes home from her shifts at the hospital most days Mulder did his damndest to put down the newspapers and be with his woman to the best of his ability. Given his circumstances however it must of been hard to have a fantastic relationship, when he probably never left within a 10 mile radius of there home. I want to believe that there was happiness in those days, and even though I don't think they were exactly fucking like bunnies every night (though in my dirtier headcanon I think the kamasutra was something that suited them in the Bedroom), i don't think they shared every thought and feeling about everything under the sun, remember until season 11 communication was never a strong point. I do think that having each other in those difficult circumstances helped a lot though.

I want to move on the the movie now and sort of get in the heads on M and S. At the start of the movie the FBI comes to “Our Lady of Sorrows Hospital”. They have an ultimatum for Mulder, help us and you will be a free man (which is ridiculous, but you know X Files and shit). Anyway, I could totally see why Scully would jump all over this, for a couple of reasons. 1.) Mulder will finally be free! They can see the world as a couple and truly enjoy their lives. 2.) This one may be reaching but I can accept it. I think in that moment, she believed that once Mulder accepts the FBI’s request and helps them with the case, it would make him see that “hey, you know what? This life is not for me anymore, I’m getting too old for this shit!” which admittedly was not bright on her part. But she took that leap of faith. BTW she sort of admitted it was a mistake several times throughout the movie.

Of course with Mulder being Mulder he dove right back into the thick of it. This is what has been missing in his life for the past 7 years! He becomes that old obsessed Mulder, who I always refer to as “season one Mulder” and because of that he loses sight of what Scully is trying to say and what she wants out of the relationship. Which leaves me to one of the more controversial moments in the film, when Scully sort of breaks things off with Mulder. She cant stand what this case has done to him. She can no longer take obsessed Mulder any more, there relationship has changed. There is no more will they, won't they, there is no more fear of if they got together will it change them in a bad way, which is the feelings I believed they always had during the orginal run. They come home to each other every night now.

I sympathize with Scully here a little bit. I understand where she is coming from. Her life is in a completely different place now, she is a Doctor doing work that must be incredibly stressful and difficult. Not to mention working at a catholic hospital that probably has zero budget and probably can not help 50% of the patients that walk through the door. Basically she can not moonlight as an X Files consultant. I also think what she said in the locker room (I’m not coming home or whatever it was) was a last ditch to get Mulder to wake up and realize that this isn't his life anymore either, which of course backfires.

Now jumping ahead to the end of the movie. The case is solved and life seems to go back to normal. Except of course for the relationship of our dynamic duo, which is still in limbo. Remember how Father Joe told Scully not to give up, clearly Scully struggled over the fact that God may be talking to her through a literal pedifile priest ( yea... I don’t have the energy to get into that today). This is something that she does not to tell Mulder through the entirety of the movie (remember what I said about communication). When she finally tells him, I think that it was the start of the thawing of the relationship which had briefly gone cold.(There is some symbolism in this with the melted snow in the make-out scene) Had Scully not told Mulder what he said I don't think he follows her outside. From there we know the rest. Mulder wants to escape the “darkness” a line that I hate (it's so cheesy), but I'll go with it. Scully of course complies, and they embrace.

Now I want to get into a little bit of post IWTB, which would fall in between 2007 to 2015 I choose to believe that scully breaks things off in 2015 possibly end of 2014, I refuse to believe that they broke up “soon” after IWTB, like CC had implied in interviews, no bro, they didn’t break up that quickly, just no. I believe that after taking there little island getaway things were going very well for M and S, I believe that Scully took a brief leave of absence from the Hospital and M and S got to see a little bit of the world together. Also I will fight anyone who tells me that they did not attend at least one Knicks game together, we all know how much Mulder loves the Knicks (Go Celtics!) (I’m from New England, so sue me!). Mulder and Scully's relationship to me is SUPER complex, there are so many ups and downs, and it did not end with IWTB, which I want to get into a little bit.

So I had a fantastic back and forth with the lovely and super insightful @f-u-carter​ the other day (you can read here the conversation was expanded upon in the notes FYI). It started with me anonymously saying that in my head canon I believed that “Plus One” came before “This” canonically, I had a couple of drinks in me and had some fun with it. The conversation turned into our beliefs as to why we believed Scully left Mulder (in 2015 not 2009 like CC wants us to think). I want to add a little bit to that. So from 2007-08 to 2014 I believe (or at least I want to believe) Mulder was a new man in many respects, I think he left his newspaper clipping days behind him for a while, and although he was still Mulder in a sense, like having many conversations with Scully about X Files related things. I believe that the “boredom” he felt for so long was gone.

So what changed? Why in the season 10 premiere is he back to being old Mulder? Again @f-u-carter​ brought up some great points and it helped change my mind. (here it is again, remember the convo is expanded in notes) I think that the world changed for Mulder in unexpected ways. He was suddenly living in the “Edward Snowden” age, where we are constantly being spied upon (again I’m talking strictly in-universe, I’m leaving personal feelings out of it). This could absolutely put Mulder into another tail spin, like a major one! Also originally I thought the 2012 alien invasion was the major factor, but I don't really feel that way anymore.

I have a feeling this frustrated Scully a great deal, I mean she got what she ultimately wanted from Mulder post IWTB, and know here is is back to “season one Mulder”. Given where she was in life, she just could not deal with it again, and it put a huge strain on their relationship leading to the break up. Look do i like the break up, HELL NO, do I truly understand it - not really. But unfortunately due to a certain creator and his never nude propaganda, it is what it is. I can not ignore canon, so this is me trying like hell to justify.

On the somewhat positive side of things, and I can dive deeper into this in another post, I think what rejoining the X-Files did for M and S was taught them how to communicate about feelings and realize there place in the world. Not necessarily working on the X-Files (but it's part of it) but more so that there is no one else for them in this world, just Mulder and Scully. Fate, God, whatever brought them together for a reason. They are the ultimate bringers of truth, the light in the darkness. P.S. I would love to someday talk about God in the X Files universe and how I believe he/she operates, but I need to collect my thoughts on this some more.

Mulder got his mojo back, and Scully I believe, and this may not be the most popular theory, learned how to forgive herself and let go of the mistakes of her past. The last conversation in “Nothing lasts Forever”, I believe puts some credence into my theory (you can read my theory on what Scully whispered to Mulder Here and I think I expanded on it a little, which you can read in the notes). She talked about her guilt of giving up William and her guilt for leaving Mulder (albeit in an X Filely sort of way). I think the final conversation in “nothing lasts forever” is one of the most brilliant conversations both in-universe wise and directorily wise (is that a word?), and I may blog about that another time. In short I think Scully always looked to God to forgive her, but as my Grandmother used to say “God helps those who help themselves” (i’m not religious, but I think it is a beautiful saying).

Last thing I want to talk about is the most controversial episode of season 11 “My struggle 4”, and some of my thoughts on this. A Lot of X Files fans say that Scully “threw away” William, I hate it when people say this. I can understand why people loathe this ending so much, but if you made it this far in this ridiculously long first post then maybe you can hear me out. Throwing something away is a lot different than letting something go. Throwing away implies that you no longer what something, letting go means that you care enough about something to know when to say goodbye. I believe Scully is doing so with William. I don't think Scully ever believed that she was suddenly going to be a Mother to William after being estranged for 17 years. When Scully said “I was never a Mother to him”, the cold hard reality of it is, she is telling the truth, being a Mother is not just about giving birth, but raising the child until adulthood. William (I hate calling him Jackson BTW) was raised by other people, and as an almost adult, at least old enough to make decisions on his own he CHOSE to be a criminal, CHOSE to be left alone. Scully in my mind accepted that. Going back to “nothing lasts forever” again, remember when Scully was talking about Mulder always “Bearing North” (I’m too tired to find the exact quote, sorry), I think she very much took that to heart, and she is doing the same thing Mulder always did, bear north. William knows that Scully loves him, but she also knows who he really is, something she could never protect, ever. To add to that William would never let her protect him, because she and Mulder would die doing so. It is certainly a very heavy burden for Scully, but one in my mind she has to accept.      

As for the pregnancy… I have a much harder time explaining that one. What it does do though, in my opinion was put M and S in a position that they came close to having but never actually had. Being actual parents, like for good this time. There is no CSM, alien/human hybrids, super soldiers, whatever to take that away. Should we be jumping up and down for joy over this? No. But if we keep this conversation in-universe isn't it kind of what they wanted? There ages be damned. Could they of lived a quiet, peaceful, happy life without another child, sure! But what this baby does is change them as people. We no longer have to worry about Scully leaving for a third time, because Mulder has been reading up the latest conspiracy theory, putting him into another tail-spin. Mulder is an actual Father now, the new syndicate is dead, William can be whoever he wants (and yes I believe Scully and Mulder know he is alive still). What else is there for him now? Other than being the best older daddy and lover to Scully he can possibly be. Do I think this is some brilliant ending, of course not! But, under these circumstances can I live with it? Yes I can. (I realize that this part is my weakest argument, but this ending is canon and for my own sake I need to rationalize it).

So that is my very, very long first real post, about something I care about deeply. I never really had a voice to let my opinion be known, because None of my friends, family, etc. care about The X Files. Which is fine by me. You have no idea how good this feels, my thoughts have been cooped up in my brain for a long time now, and it was starting to kind of affect me negatively (plus I was laid off recently so I have a lot of free time - don't worry though, I was just hired elsewhere and I start in a few weeks!).

If anyone ever reads this post, whether you agree with me or not, whether you think I suck or not, the only thing I really want to do is keep the conversation going in a positive light about two characters and a show that we love deeply. I will try and blog about something X FIles related maybe once a week, every few weeks, IDK yet. (maybe some sports stuff to, cause I like that shit, but if I do I promise it will be quick.) And of course if everyone thinks this sucks, you will never hear from me again lol!    

But I want to keep the conversation going, because it is so much fun hearing other people's theories and headcanons (when it is done respectfully) But the XF community is filled with classy people, and I love that. Anyway here are my closing thoughts for today. Mulder and Scully are incredibly difficult people to read. Because of the structure of the show, there is SO MUCH left unsaid and unseen. But honestly, I personally would not have it any other way. I think it's why I fell in love with these characters so hard. You can take what you want from what little we have seen from their lives, and make of it what you will. Some people think Season 7 was the “season of secret sex”, they were banging every night for like a year, and you know what? There is NOTHING in the canon of season 7 that says they were not. There is a true beauty to that. I honestly believe that. I have to believe that. My opinion, if you care, is that they banged twice in the original run, once after “Per Manum” and once after “All things”, but that's just personal headcanon. But thats it, that’s the show! If you want to believe that M and S proclaimed there love to one another every night during season 8, that’s great! If you still believe that William was a naturally conceived, and CSM only played a very small roll, if any in his creation, that's fine, if you want to believe that after Mulder and Scully had sex the first time, they spent the rest of the night reading each other french poetry, God bless you! Again please understand what i'm saying, the secret beauty to this show that I wish more people talked about is all of the things we don't see, we can shape parts of that universe in our own image, which many other shows don't have the balls to do anymore.

This is the most in-depth have ever been in regards to the X Files and I am proud of myself for doing so, I put my heart and soul into this and I hope you find enjoyment in all of this. Remember Mulder and Scully love each other with the heat of a thousand suns, and even though there have been bumps in the road, at the end of the day they always find their way back to each other. Typing this now, I wouldn't have it any other way and to quote one of the great female characters of all time “I’d do it all over again”. Thank you!