#i AM a woman because i said so and ill do that however i please

[unorganisedalienrubbish]

I love that genderless fashion is becoming more mainstream and more widely available, but i'd also love if i could find genderless clothes that fit me. not every genderqueer nonbinary bitch is 5'6 and weighs 10 stone soaking wet. Theres nothing wrong with being short or lightweight, but im sick of clothing companies only making 'genderless' clothing for small(/childish) bodies. I have the build of what can only be described as 'the way Michelangelo paints women'. I'm not going to fit into a flimsy crop no matter how 'masculine' the cut is. Also (im not done yet), there are fat genderqueer people, (and because i'm afab this affects me) fat people are usually hung in the tit department, so a single layer of spandex isn't going to do jack shit for my rack or the accompanying dysphoria.

i'm just fed up man, i spent a lot of money on some cool masc bra/crop things and i always check to see if there are any plus size models, but in the genderless section there never are. not all nonbinary/genderqueer people are twinks/twink-adjacent

[historyslittlebish]

Illness won't stop love (Cured!King Baldwin IV x Witch!Female!Reader)

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a/n: I have never watched kingdom of heaven before but I know of it because my sister watched it so I am gonna write for the king :)

Warning: unrealistic but okay, religious stuff, occ?

Baldwin groaned as he sat on his throne. He praised himself for getting all the diplomatic work done half the time he usually completes.

Every passing day his bones and muscles ached, his mind spinning, overwhelmed with his kingly duties. His mind was filled with thoughts and plans but he was too weak to act on them.

While determined and strong willed, he was aware of his sickly disease and how weak he is compared to anyone else. He often spent time looking up, thoughts of gods plan with him.

Why?

Why would god plague him with such illness, what had he done? What was his sin against his creator? he often found himself praying that he could, maybe, just maybe, be cured and continue to live and be the greatest king he could be, have a wife and an heir, to live his life to the fullest with no worry of death coming as soon as he always prepared himself for.

He knows he should not question God, and be grateful for his life but even then his mind does not stop thinking such thoughts.

He sat still staring into nothing, deep in thought as a few servants scuttled about, cleaning and tending to the throne room. The sounds of their whispering had started bothering him, the constant sound of pattering feet didn't allow him to think.

He slowly rose before clearing his throat. Some of the servants looked over in surprise and curiosity.

"I would like to be left alone, please." His voice is steady, firm, but gentle and warm. His servants rushed to leave the room allowing the king his privacy.

He sighed as he sat down once more. Alone in his own thoughts, he allowed himself to be consumed by his own mind, each thought, idea, word, running through his brain as he rested his eyes, deeply in his imagination.

Not too long after however does he hear a female yelp, a loud thud, and someone shuffling around the marble floor.

His eyes snapped open as he saw a small amount of mist covering a figure slightly. His eyes widened in surprise and shock as he stared at the woman in front of him. She wore odd clothes, not the kind he's seen before, her H/C was beautiful to him, mesmerizing even. Her S/C looked so soft in comparison to his heavily scarred and sore ridden skin.

He stood up and suddenly the strange and foreign woman stared at him before getting on her knees and bowing deeply, lifting her head enough to look back up at him.

"My king." She stated.

"Rise." Baldwin said as he motioned with his hand for the woman to stand. Slowly she did stand and still have a respectful demeanor.

"Who are you, and why do you come here?" She looked up, her E/C looking into his blue irises. She inhaled before kneeling and leaving her hands by her side "My king, I present myself as a witch from the North. I've heard of a prophecy that you will need to defeat Saladin but not without outside forces," She rose from her knees and reached into a small pouch, holding a vile with blue liquid, glowing and bubbling. "I've come to present to you a cure. You have my heart should I speak the lies of the devil himself.".

Baldwin was shocked and scared. A witch in his holy kingdom? Witchcraft is the devil's work. He could not decide if he should call his soldiers and risk the witch woman to hex him or to continue the conversation, only to eventually be found dead without reason, or to many, his leprosy being the cause.

He took the latter and prayed that no harm would come to him.

"Well witch, I want proof." The woman nodded and held her arm to her side, F/C mist circling the room, a wall of fog covered the walls of the room. The mist streamed into the middle of the room and created a circle, creating a pocket of white particles creating images.

They showed him being crowned king all the way to his death at an old age.

he could not believe his eyes. The images showed such small moments in his life that he could not recollect well but they were perfect for what he was told.

The mist that engulfed the room suddenly retracted and disappeared into the air.

He stared at the witch who stared back but with a slight fear in her eyes, not knowing if she would be in danger or not. Baldwin's breath hitched but he sat down. He racked his brain for thoughts but he was very overwhelmed by the information. He clutched his head and rubbed at his temples.

The two stayed in silence for a few minutes before the king made his choice.

"I shall take this potion if what you say is true." He murmured.

The witch stepped forward towards the kind on his throne and handed him the bottle gently before stepping back.

"I warn you my king, you will fall in a deep slumber, alive and well, but deep for the whole day." The king contemplated her words but slowly opened the bottle and drank the liquid completely.

After a few moments his head began to spun and he almost collapsed to the floor before a warm pair of arms caught him and held him before his eyes completely shut and he fell into a deep slumber.

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Baldwin squinted his eyes as the sun peaked through the window in the early morning. The light was dim due to the window covers but it was still bright to him. He slowly raised his body but was confused when he could feel his body weight shift onto his legs. He had lost feelings partly in his legs and arms but he could feel himself twitch and move on his entire body.

He was wearing some white sleepwear that he doesn't remember putting on and his mask was on the side of his bed. He was confused but slowly walked over to the mirror.

His eyes widened and he stumbled back but caught himself before he fell on the cold, hard floor.

He saw himself but no longer disfigured or ridden with rashes and sores. His golden locks framed his face, his eyes looking deep into his in the mirror, his skin was just glowey as the witch he had seen.

That's when it hit him.

The witch had saved him, the lovely witch that had given him a potion that she said would heal him and allow him to live his life fully.

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The whole castle was chattering with loud and bright voices. Their king was not only cured by gods miracle but he would be able to soon produce an heir should he be willing.

He sat on his throne thinking of the memory of you. You, you were to be his wife, you saved him, he could live without the fear of dying anytime soon.

Baldwin got a surge of confidence, he was determined to get you to come back but first he had to deal with royal affairs but nothing could slow him down, not anymore.

a/n: Part 2? Yes. I need to make a male version for anon OR male reader hcs for our king. Sorry if its shit though.

a/n 2: the part 2 will be linked to this post and mostly everyone who comments will be tagged (I'll try) but yeah! It's in the works

[intheheartoftheking]

Higher, Faster, Further (Birds of Prey)

Jacaerys Velaryon x Aunt!Targaryen oc x Aemond Targaryen

strangers to lovers, implied sexual content but no smut (yet), targcest (reader is aunt), semi angst(?), aemond being aemond, diplomat!Jace (but Jace knows how to fight), no betrothal and lucerys is alive

summary: After Aegon seized the throne, Jacaerys and Aemond were dispatched to ensure the loyalty of House Arryn and the Vale. However, their mission took an unexpected turn when they encountered Lady Jane Arryn's ward, leading to a tangled web of lies, deceit, and power struggles.

word count: 1,450

a/n: I had this idea for the longest time and I was so nervous to publish because this fandom has some of the best writers. I hope you enjoy my brainrot and please leave comments and suggestions to add in future chapters. this is a short ish story (I think.) let me know if you want to be added to the taglist! ill also be adding a playlist soon! xoxo p.s. thanks @damewritesalot for hyping this up

Daella squinted as the light peering in from outside hit her face, awoken by the sounds of grumbling dragons. She felt a body shift beside her as she realized she was trapped in the embrace of Aemond Targaryen, and to her right was Jacaerys Valeryon sleeping peacefully. She sighed as she realized what she had done. "How did I get here?" she thought, combing through her memories. 

It was a quiet day in the Vale with no real issues aside from petty squabbles of livestock. Daella had been sent by her aunt, Lady Arryn, to handle these minor issues, much to Daella's protest. Ultimately, Daella would always please her Lady aunt; she was the closest thing she had to a mother after her own passed away and her father abandoned her. Although Daella was born in a marriage, her father regarded her as a bastard. She was always making sure to ignore her exitance in favor of his silver-haired children. 

For this reason, Daella made it her life purpose to make herself deadly. She promised never to marry and become the most fearsome warrior in the Vale. And Daella was precisely that. The only thing that could make her the ultimate killer would be a dragon, and her lady aunt was more than grateful that Daemon never returned to claim the girl or bring her a dragon egg. 

But Daella and her lady aunt could not be prepared to watch two dragons enter the Vale. Daella raced to catch up with the beast in the sky, abandoning all duties. Her dark hair was wild in the wind as her ties came undone, allowing the silver highlights to shine through. 

As she made her way to Runestone, she watched the first rider land. Her aunt, Lady Arryn, made her way outside and beckoned Daella to her. The young woman dismounted her horse, passing it off to a stable hand. "Oh, Daella, what am I going to do with you." her aunt frowned, eyeing her disheveled appearance. "I believe my appearance is the least of our worries, aunt. If there are dragons in the Vale," she glared for a second. A much more giant dragon landed, dismounting down with much ease.

"Prince Jacearys Valeryon," her aunt spoke as the first rider approached her, removing his gloves and extending a slight bow to her aunt. "Lady Arryn, I have come to ask your support of my mother's claim." Daella and her aunt looked confused at one another; your house had already pled fealty for Rhaenyra many years ago.  "The false queen," another voice chuckled. "King Aegon resides on the throne," he growled. 

Her aunt frowned. "Prince Aemond, it is a pleasure that you have finally made your way to the Vale. It seems that you both seek the support of House Arryn and the noble houses of the Vale." she shook her head. "I will invite you both to stay; the weather is turning; we must discuss much. News reaches the Vale ever so slowly," she said ever the diplomat. The two princes nodded, following behind her aunt, the distrust of one another thick in the air. 

Later that evening, Lady Arryn decided a feast would be most appropriate for welcoming the princes to the Vale for the first time. 

Daella shifted uncomfortably in her dark blue dress, her chestnut and silver hair adorned with silver stars and moons. "You look beautiful, my lady," a maid remarked as she adjusted her cuff. "I don't feel beautiful; I feel uncomfortable," Daella grumbled. 

A soft knock on her door alerted her maids, "My lady, the prince is here to escort you." 

She raised a brow. "The prince? Which one?" she questioned her maid 

"Both of them," the maid answered, a blush creeping on her cheeks. 

Daella scowled, "Shut the door; the princes can wait." She shouted loud enough for them to hear as the maid shut the heavy door on them, leaving both princes stunned by her boldness. 

"Escorting me." she huffed. "Who do they think they are coming to escort me." As she approached the door, she could hear them both arguing. 

"There is no need to be upset; I'm sure she knows you're a STRONG prince." She could hear Aemonds voice tease Jacearys. Her eyes widened. She knew of the rumors of his parentage. 

However, she had never believed that his family would be so bold as to mock him. 

She threw her doors open, interrupting the constant mocking. "I will be escorting myself," Daella said matter of factly, pushing past the two. 

Walking down the hall, she heard their footsteps behind her. 

"Please, my lady," Jacearys pleaded. "Lady Arryn has requested that we accompany you, and we don't wish to upset her."  

Daella turned, narrowing her eyes at Jacearys. "You do not wish to upset my lady aunt, or WE do not wish to upset her?" Jacearys shifted uncomfortably under her gaze while Aemond stared on smugly. "Because truthfully, I don't quite care about my lady aunts' opinions this evening." She whispered loud enough for both princes to hear before turning down the corridor, leaving a dumbfounded Jacearys and a very intrigued Aemond.

"Perhaps whoever secures the vale might secure more than they bargained for." He thought to himself. 

The feast had already begun in the great hall, and the noise of the bards and revelry were celebrating the visit of the two young princes, ignoring the grim circumstances that led them to the Vale in the first place. 

As Daella entered, a hush fell over the room. The men of the high houses, ogling her youth and beauty, examined her like a prize for their unmarried sons or even themselves. 

Her Lady Aunt stood. "My beautiful niece Daella, how pleasant of you to join us." She spoke softly, but Daella could see the disappointment in her eyes as she noticed the lack of princes at her side. 

Her face soon turned to concern as she looked up to see that Prince Aemond was walking to stand beside her niece. 

Prince Aemond reminded Lady Arryn of someone—Daemon, a man she hoped would never return to Daella's life, especially after her mother's death. If this prince inherited any of Daemon's traits, as she feared, it would only spell destruction and heartbreak for her dear niece. 

As he opened his mouth to speak, Jacearys cut him off. "Lady Arryn, Lady Daella, if you would do me the kindness of granting me the first dance of the evening." 

Daella groaned internally as her aunt accepted the invitation on her behalf. A sense of uncertainty loomed as she took his hand. 

Meanwhile, Jacearys stared down Aemond smugly as he led her away. 

"You seem incredibly close with your Lady Aunt," he questioned as they danced, hoping to learn something from her to use to his advantage. 

"She's raised me since I was a babe; I'm her ward." He nodded slowly. And what of your mother? Or your father?" he prodded. 

Daella scowled at him, unsure if she wanted to reveal the truth about her parentage to him or change the subject. "My mother died in childbirth, and my father was a soldier." She lied. If Daemon didn't see it necessary to tell his stepson of his legitimate child from his first wife, she didn't feel the need to add more confusion. 

He hummed, accepting the answer but knowing there seemed to be more. As he spun Daella, they could feel Aemonds gaze peering into them. Jacearys couldn't tell if it was jealousy or annoyance since they were both working to attain House Arryn and the Vale. 

Daella and Jacearys chatted for three dances, learning superficial things about one another. 

If he had to marry her to secure the alliance, it seemed as if they could be happy together. 

Throughout the night, gentlemen began to cut into their dances, wishing to spend time with the future Lady of the Vale. 

Daella's feet began to ache, and her patience began to wear thin as different lords and their sons twisted and twirled her, all while interrogating her. She felt like an insect inspected under a magnifying glass. 

Suddenly, a voice broke through the room. "A toast!" He shouted, "To the jewel of House Arryn, whose beauty shines brighter than the stars themselves." Aemond raised his chalice toward Daella, a smirk appearing as he heard the chants of agreement, turning to face Jacearys in a silent challenge. 

As Daella studied their subtle interactions, she realized the power she held. 

Daella Targaryen has bewitched the heir and the spare, and what they don't know is that she is prepared to devour them both; after all, she is her father's daughter and they are birds of prey.

[onskepa]

Heyy, I was wondering if you could write a fic where the Sully kids and Spider meet human Jake. It could be like one day they are at Hell’s Gate and suddenly there's like a white light or something and boom Jake is reverted to his past human self ( wheelchair and all ).

Because in canon they only known Jake in his avatar body, so I think this situation would be fun to explore and see their dynamics.

Helloooooooooo there~!! Honestly this is a good idea and I have got the perfect pic for it! Hope you enjoy~!!

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[credit to the artist]

Would you love me if I was a worm?

No words or sounds came from netyiri. She just stood still, her eyes wide and mouth open. Her tail stopped swaying. For a solid couple of seconds, everything was dead silent. How can she process what is in front of her? 

“Mom, please, for the love of Eywa, don't freak out” Lo’ak says as calmly as he can. His hands raised up slightly, ready for any outburst his mother would do. Neteyam was beside him, both in front of their father, to protect him. 

“Freak out? FREAK OUT!? I am about to lose my mind! What in Eywa’s name has happened!?” Neytiri screeched. Her anger and fear rising up to her voice. 

In a sharp turn of her neck, she glared hard towards the familiar human scientists. 

“YOU!! WHAT DID YOU DO?!” Neytiri's voice echoed throughout the lab, her rage unmatched. Her amber eyes glaring daggers towards the cowarding humans. Norm, being the more braver among the rest, stood in front of her as if to protect his fellow comrades. 

“W-we didn't know it would turn out like this!” Norm said while his voice was shaking, feeling terrified of the large woman in front of him. 

“did not know!? Look at my husband, HE IS SMALL AND PINK! HE IS HUMAN AGAIN!” 

Few hours earlier…

“So what is the point of that whole machine?” Jake asks as his fellow science friends set up some equipment. “We want to see if our theory of reversing things works”. Norm replied. Jake tilted his head a bit, “reversing things? Like what?” he asks. 

“Well like reversing illnesses, diseases, injuries. For mostly medical reasons. Our modern medicine supply is going to go low at some point. And came to decide other ways to fix or treat stuff” Max replies. Jake nods, understanding. He was mostly out of the way as they completed the machine. It was big, mostly tube-like. A long glass tube for a human or na’vi to get in. Had two sides with touch screens and a computer with a slide to insert something into the tube. Looked very rough in some areas. 

“We had to recycle some materials from the old labs,” Norm explains. 

“So, have you guys tested it yet?” Jake asks. Norm shook his head, “no, we are deciding carefully on what could be our guinea pig, and it needs to be organic. Mostly everyone is afraid to go inside”. 

Jake looks at the machine and slightly raises his hand, “What about me? I could do it”. Norm and Max were quick to turn their heads looking at jake. “Are you sure…? We can't guarantee it would hurt or feel weird” Max says, already not liking the nervous feeling he is getting. “We could try a fruit or something else, we really don't know the levels of danger here”. 

Jake raises his eyebrow, “so you built something, medical wise. And you don't know if it can hurt people?”. Norm swings his arms around and taking a deep breath, “we work with what we got. And yes, we don't know if it will cause more harm. That is why everyone, even us, are hesitant to try it out”. 

Jake shrugs and was still insistent on being the test subject. Norm gave in but max was not liking it at all. Feeling something is gonna go wrong. But no one would listen to him. So jake in his na’vi glory, stepped inside the tube as the science guys began to turn up the machine. “Ok, all systems are go. Ready jake?” Norm asks through the intercom. Jake nods, grinning all excitedly. 

Counting down, norm presses a button and suddenly in the tube released light green mist. Fogging the entire large tube. However, loud banging was quickly heard. On the screens showed Jake's heart rate spiking, alarms going off. Quickly everyone was quick to try and shut off the machine. Even by forcing the glass to open. And once it did, a human hand poked out.

“Your father hasn't come back yet, '' Neytiri tells her children as they enjoy their dinner. Jake isn't one to miss dinner time. He wouldn't miss any chance to eat. All of the kids looked at each other, trying to remember when was the last time they saw their dad. And then, tuk thumped her tail happily. 

“Daddy said he went to see the uncle norm and the others. Said they wanted to show him something” tuk happily provides the information. While it is not unusual Jake would go to visit the humans, what is unusual is that he stays there all day. A couple of hours at most and he leaves. This made neytiri worry the more she thought about it. 

“I can go get him” Lo’ak offers. He knows his mother isn't very comfortable being in the human posts. Neytiri nods but also adds, “neteyam will join you”. She knows well he will get distracted and have not only jake but now lo’ak staying longer than they should. 

After dinner, the brothers went off to get their father. However, once they stepped inside…it took everything for the boys to not scream their heads off. 

Present time. 

Jake sat in silence. Mostly still trying to process what happened a couple hours ago, still processing his literal new [or old] perspective, and still processing just how pissed his tall wife is. He is human. Back to who he was before. And to make it worse. 

He is back in the wheelchair. 

Back to having his useless legs. 

Back to being weak. 

And he hates it. 

The screeches of neytiri became dull in his mind. The more he thinks about it, the more it daunts on jake. Will it be forever? Is this the new reality? After achieving so much, only to go backwards? 

“Fix him! I do not care how you do it! Fix him now!” Neytiri continues to demand norm. She doesn't care what methods, she wants her Jake back to how he was. A na’vi. 

“W-we don't know! We are not sure how to fix it. This could take time” Norm tries to reason with the angry wife but she just shakes her head in frustration. “FIX HIM!!” was all she could say. 

“Neytiri” 

She heard Jake's voice. 

Turning to see him, she can't help but feel her heart tug. There he was, just like how she saw him back in the deep forest. Different, yet the same. The man she fell in love with. And now here he is again. Back to being human. 

“Ma’jake…” she whispers. Slowly going to him, she bends to be at his level. Jake offers his hand and she takes it to her cheek. Feeling his warmth. Feeling a few tears escape, she begins to cry. “How could they do this to you?! Why?!” she questions. Humans are creatures she could never fully understand, no matter how well she thinks she knows. 

“I volunteered to help them. They didn't know I would turn out like this. Its not their fault” Jake answers, trying to level a reason with his love. But her tears didnt stop falling. And he hates this. Hates to see netyiri cry. So doing his best to comfort her, he wraps his arms around her neck and hugs her as best as he could. Joining in on the hug were their sons. 

“You foolish skxawng! Stupid! Idiotic!” Neytiri shouted light hearted insults at her husband, and Jake takes it all in, secretly agreeing with her. “I know, I know baby, I know I am” he repeats. He really did fucked up. 

After a couple of minutes, they let go of each other, but neytiri didn't leave Jake's side. Lo’ak turns to norm to ask, “is there a way to turn him back? He isn't going to be like this forever….right?’. 

Norm took a deep breath and said, “the machine we built is to reverse and fix the main source of the problem. When Jake got in…the machine” point to Jake, “fixed him”. The sully family was slightly confused. “Fixed me? How?“ Jake asked. Rubbing the back of his neck, Max stepped forward to provide more information. “What we built is to reverse a source of a problem. Our best guess is the machine found a problem in you. Your na’vi blood. The machine must has seen it as a problem and using your human DNA to reverse it. Thus…you are fixed. And we cant say if we can turn you back into na’vi…”. 

Dread was what everyone felt. Scared that this would be the new reality. Scare that jake won't be with his family every day. Won't continue to be olo’eyktan or anything. Dread and fear is the collective emotions. 

“How about we sleep on this? A lot has happened and sleep would be best to calm ourselves. Sleep, a bit of coffee and think what our next movie is” Jake suggests. Everyone almost agrees. His family however, not really. “I will stay with you” Neytiri says, no hesitation. But Jake shook his head, placing his hands over her larger ones. “I'm sorry baby, but I need you to go back home. You and our boys. Kiri and tuk are currently alone and they need their parents. I obviously can't…but tomorrow, bring them so they can know what's going on. This won't be forever I promise”. 

Neytiri hisses in frustration. He is right, neytiri left kiri to care for tuk while she came to the lab. Never has she wished this was all a bad dream. A nightmare that she can wake up from. But this is real. And she hates it. 

“Fine…but they have to fix you…I want you back” Neytiri whispers. Holding Jake's hand tightly, observing his pale skin. He feels different. It's not the same hand she loves to hold. It is not the same warmth she leans into for comfort. It's all wrong. Jake isn't-

“Mom” 

Neytiri blinks a few times, looking over at neteyam, his hand on her shoulder. “Let's go home, dad is right. We will come back tomorrow. We can bring kiri and tuk like he said”. Sighing, netyiri finally lets go but not without one last look at jake. Seeing his human form made her feel something. Something unpleasant. 

“Dad…damn it's weird…” Lo’ak says, still trying to get the whole thing wrapped in his mind. Jake could help but chuckle a bit, “it's ok son, I will see you tomorrow”. Not saying much, lo’ak goes with his mother, neteyam also looks one last time before joining them. 

The door shuts behind them, leaving Jake alone to his thoughts. 

“So ummmm….you guys still have my old room?”

“Spider, can you for 5 minutes stop staring at me?” Jake asks, slightly annoyed. Spider on the other hand was staring at him as if he couldn't believe what was in front of him. Slowly spider was using his index finger to slowly poke jake. Looking at it, Jake gently smacked his hand away. “Stop it” Jake warned. 

Spider backed away a bit, huffing a bit, “sorry sir it's just….so weird! You are small and pink and well…human”. Jake couldn't blame the boy. He grew up seeing Jake full na’vi. But doesnt mean it didn't hurt Jake a bit. His pride, he tries to keep humble, but little by little his pride crumbles. 

“Get used to it, come on. Lets see what the others are doing” Jake says as both of them head off to the main room. 

“I thought they were kidding…” Kiri says as she stands in front of her dad. Tuk beside her, eyes wide and in shock. Same reaction as their mother. Jake raises his arms, grinning in a rather floppy way, “I wish baby girl” he said. Hearing his voice only confirmed it more. Tuk releases her grip on Kiri's hand and walks over to her dad. Carefully analyzing his human features. 

“Is it really you daddy…?” tuk asks, excited yet afraid to hear his answer. “It is me tuktuk, surprised?” Jake responds, giving his signature grin. Smiling happily, she hugs him tightly. It's so weird to her, she is the baby but she is bigger than her dad. Letting go, she sees his wheelchair, bending down, she traces the metal wheels. 

“Why are you in a chair?” She asks while her giggles escape. She looks up to see jake give a sad smile. 

“Well baby girl, my legs cant move. I cant walk or do anything, '' he tells truthfully. Tuk’s smile faded a bit, “does that mean you cant run..?”. Jake nods. 

A few seconds of silence passed before she went behind him and grabs the handles, “can I at least push you?” she asks excitedly, her tail swaying in a playful manner. Jake chuckles, “try not to run so fast-WOA!!”. Tuk was off doing just that, running fast making cool drifts with the wheelchair. 

“Weeeeeeee~!!” 

10 minutes later 

“Sorry…” Tuk apologizes while holding her tail and head low. 

She just crashed into one of the computers. 

Norm doing his best to not show his internal scream, he does his best to comfort her. But Jake goes over, grabbing tuk’s hand, “it's ok baby girl, but try to be extra careful. It's not easy to maintain all of this technology, come on, let's go with everyone else”. Tuk feeling better, this time she carefully takes Jake to where the other kids are

“And why are you not with your mate? Especially in his time of need?” Mo’at asks as she mixes herbs to make more healing substance. Neytiri was helping her, but refused to make eye contact. Mo’at was told of what happened, and had to see for herself. And while it certainly was a shock, she was quick to tell the people that their olo’eyktan had to travel for a bit. But she doesn't know how long the people will believe that. 

“The children go to support their father but here you are supporting me when it is not needed” she continues. Putting down the roller, neytiri huffs, feeling annoyed herself. “I went to the spirit tree…” was all she could say. But mo’at gave her a look, “Eywa cant answer all of our problems, as she cant help jake sully this time” she says. 

“This is a problem only the humans can fix” 

But even then, neyiri continues to assist. Thinking about her mate, but doing nothing to see him. The humans have to fix him, they must.

The sully kids were playing Jake's old vlogs as he was cringing from the inside. Was that how he really behaved back then? And speaking highly of Quaritch? How badly he wanted to go back in time and smack the shit out of himself. 

“Wait, but you look exactly the same as in the videos, shouldn't you be looking about your current age?” Kiri asks, comparing her father to himself of the past. But Jake could only shrug, “I am not sure kiddo. But I consider it lucky I haven't lost my good looks”. Kiri rolls her eyes at that self praise. 

Yet, as the kids watch, he couldn't help but wonder about neytiri, she hasn't come even though she said she would. He suspects there is something going on with neytiri but he can't point out what exactly. But jake hopes to see her soon. He can use all the support he can get. 

Norm isnt much help since “they are still figuring it out”. Jake hates this, he hates seeing his human hands. Hates to see himself human. The desire to be na’vi again grows every second.  

“Has mom said anything about coming?” Jake asks neteyam, the oldest slight shrugs. “I asked mom but she didn't say much, just that she will be helping grandma. That's about it” neteyam answers. Sighing inwardly, perhaps she too is still processing the truth. That is fine, giving her space can be good.

But as days passed, Jake was struggling. He was so used to doing certain things, he has forgotten his human habits. Often had to be reminded to wear more clothes, forgetting he didn't had much hair from the start. Technology around him makes him a bit sick, unable to stare at screens for a long time. Not like how he used to. Sounds from the computers annoyed him. 

And dont get him started on food. There is only so much pandora food that is safe for humans. Jake missed eating certain things that the humans find weird or gross. 

And most of all, being reminded of how weak he is. Having his useless legs back is forever mocking him. How he isn't strong as he was in na’vi. And he hates himself because of it.

Jake is constantly reminded of how dull and empty his human life was. And how full and nurturing his na’vi life is. He needed to get back to being na’vi soon. As if each day, a piece of his mind is slowly losing sanity. Jake is a patient man, but when you are used to a certain life, only to refrain to how you started. It takes a toll. 

1 month. 

It took neytiri one month to come see him. And Jake felt relieved to see her. To feel her hands and touch her beautiful face. “I missed you” he says with great relief. Neytiri gives him a small smile as she examines his hands again. 

“They still haven't fixed you” was all she said. 

“You talk as if I am broken” Jake slightly jokes, chuckling to himself. But neytiri wasn't smiling. Taking a more serious look, he leans a bit closer, “neytiri…do you think I am broken?”. He needed to know, from revealing to himself, that is all she ever said, fix. As though there is something wrong with him. 

“You are human…” she whispers. But Jake heard her loud and clear. 

Her eyes were unable to meet his. Her hands are there, but her mind is distant. “Is that bad?” he asks. A bad feeling starts to grow, gripping her hands more, Jake tries to make eye contact but neytiri looks away. 

“Baby please look at me….do I look broken to you?” Jake pleads. But nothing came of her mouth. Slowly, Neytiri pulls her hands back and gets up, “I have to go”. She leaves, almost as though she wants to run. 

“NEYTIRI!” Jake calls out, his voice cracking. But she was gone. 

Tuk was crying, she twisted her ankle while running and was swelling bad, Mo’at was quick to treat her, but tears wouldn't stop. Everyone tried to soothe her, but nothing was of use. From neteyam hugging her, to lo’ak making a fool of himself on purpose, nothing worked. And neytiri was getting more anxious that she couldn't calm her baby. 

“Please tuktuk, ssshhhh it's going to be ok. I know it hurts, would you like your favorite supper?” Neytiri asks, holding tuk and gently rocking her back and forth. 

“No! “ tuk cries out. Her wails loud and heart breaking. Honestly they really tried everything. But what could work?

“Tuk, it doesn't hurt, does it? Why are you really crying?” Kiri asks gently, already seeing through her sister's facade. Tuk shook her head, wiping her tears and taking deep, quick breathes. 

“Nononono!” was all tuk could say. The more she cries, the more worried Neytiri gets. But before anyone else can say anything, tuk confesses. 

“I want daddy!!” and she cries some more. 

Her words broke everyone's hearts. For the past month, everyone tried to continue their lives but it was so difficult without Jake around. Neteyam missed flying with his dad. Lo’ak strangely missed being scolded by him. Kiri missed their late night talks. And neytiri. 

Neytiri misses her mate more than she could ever express. But she knows, Neytiri knows she is a coward to not face him as he is. 

A sky demon. 

“I want daddy!! I want him home! I wanna play with him, I wanna be carried. I want daddy to sing me to sleep even though he is terrible! I miss daddy!” 

How can they really shush when they all feel the same? 

“Ssshhh, hey, its still day time, let's go see him. We can all go see dad together” Lo’ak suggests quickly. That made tuk silence a bit, small hiccups following, but she aggressively nodded. Liking the idea, the rest of the siblings were quick to get whatever they needed to go see their dad at the lab. 

“Come on mom, let's go see him” Kiri says, excitedly grabbing her mothers hand. But neytiri stays put. “You go on ahead, take your time” she says. But kiri halted a second, tilting her head slightly. “Don't you want to see dad too? Surely you must miss him a lot more than us” she says, but her mother looks in a different direction, not able to make eye contact. Tugging her hand, kiri gently, yet forcefully, drags neytiri out of their home. Smiling brightly, to encourage her mother, “lets go, we can do something together, all of us as a family”. 

Neytiri looks at her daughter, and decides to follow. But the ever growing dread rumbles in her stomach.

“There there baby girl, don't need to cry. Accidents happen and we learn from them” Jake effortlessly soothes tuk. The little girl sniffed and controlled her tears better. Despite being bigger, tuk was snuggled up against Jake's chest, hearing his heartbeat. This was what she wanted. To be close with her dad again. And being so touch starved, she clinged on to him the most. 

“See, all better huh? Come on, let me see that smile. What is a mouse's favorite food?” Jake asks. Tuk gasped happily, she knows this one! 

“Cheese!” Tuk smiles happily, her tears and sadness washed away. Jake chuckles as holds her tighter. “That's right baby girl” Jake praises. Gently he rubs his forehead against hers, making tuk giggle in glee. His other children surround them, happy to see tuk calm and back to her happy self. Neytiri stood a bit distant, but calmed herself. Jake always knew how to calm their youngest baby. 

“What are you coming home dad? We miss you. I miss you a lot” Tuk whines a bit. Jake couldn't help but frown a bit. “I am not sure when tuktuk. Until uncle norm can find a way, I am like this” Jake answers honestly. But that wasn't enough for tuk. Growling a bit, she huffs. Like a little hamster. 

“Why can't you come home as you are? Spider can go wherever he wants. Why can't you do the same? There are a lot of masks” she asks stubbornly as she crosses her arms. 

Spider, who was beside Kiri, couldn't help but feel sad for jake. The man is in a worse position than he ever was. 

“True, but unlike spiders. I can't run, I can't even stand baby girl. My legs don't work like they used to” Jake answers with all the patience in the world. Tuk looks down at his legs, well what she can see since was wearing pants. Her ears pinned down, hating it more by the second. 

“Can't Eywa fix this? Doesn't she always help like mom says?” Tuk asks more, a little hope rising. Kiri shakes her head and goes over, gently placing a hand over tuk’s shoulder. 

“It doesn't work like that tuk. Our great mother doesn't just grant miracles like that. This is something that must be solved by uncle norm and the other scientists. They did this, so it is only right they find a solution themselves” kiri tells. 

But it seems that no matter how much they explain, tuk will still remain stubborn about bringing Jake back to their home. She understands the complications, but would rather refuse to see it. Like daughter, like mother. As in a way, tuk reflects what neytiri is doing. Avoiding the real problem. So Jake does his best to hold tuk, whispering comforting words into her ear. Which can only work for so long. 

At the same time, lo’ak turns and sees neytiri slowly, yet surly moving farther away. Confused at what she is doing, he goes over. “Mom? Don't you want to get close to dad?” he asks her in a low voice only for her to hear. But neytiri doesn't answer right away. Looking behind him and back at him, she answers in the same low voice. “I am fine, we are here for you and your siblings”. 

Jake noticed the silent conversation happening between his son and wife. It still hurts him that neytiri left only to come back using their kids as an excuse. It seems like real talk is long overdue. Gently moving tuk at his side, he effortlessly climbs back on his wheelchair. 

“Dad?” Neteyam calls out, curious what Jake will do. Smiling like nothing, Jake says, “Hey, why not bother the science guys? They have been playing pac-man all days. But dont break anything”. Giving full permission, they all smile and head off to bother the humans. Spider calls out to lo’ak to join them and he happily does. 

Leaving Neytiri and Jake alone. 

“Let's talk outside, yeah?”

The couple stood outside, as far as Jake's wheelchair allows to. He scratches the edges of the mask. He forgot what it felt like against his skin. It's itchy and uncomfortable. But he bares it. If it meant talking to his mate. 

“Neytiri….baby please. Why won't you look at me?” he asks. Before him, neytiri’s back was facing him. Rubbing her arms to comfort herself. 

“I'm sorry ma’jake…I can't” she confesses. Hesitant heavy in her tone. 

“Can't…or won't?” he confronts. She flinches. And he noticed. Sighing, Jake rubs the back of his neck. The straps itching his upper neck. “I know it's hard. Trust me I know. I had to learn everything again. That i'm…back to this. A useless being” . 

And neytiri couldn't bring herself to defend her mate. As twisted as it may sound. He was right. Jake couldn't do anything without his avatar. He could run, fight, or run a village. He couldn't do anything before the war. 

“But I know that being crippled is the least of your worries. The kids know, I know why you won't look at me. It's because I am back to being what you hate”. 

Don't say it. Please don't. 

“I am…” 

Stop it. 

“A sky demon”. 

“NO!” 

All that had wings, flew away. Startled by the sudden shriek of protest. 

What stance in silence is netyiri fully facing jake. Her fists clenching, heavy breathing, and eyes wide with inner thoughts that scramble to make sense. 

“Back at the secret base. When I passed out from the pandora air. You crawled in and saved me. Placed the mask over my face to let me breathe. You held me in your arms. You saw me. You SAW ME. A human. Looking past my avatar body. Accepting the truth, you feel for a human”. 

The more Jake spoke, the more his voice cracked. The more tears wanted to escape. 

“Why can't you now…?” 

Yes. Why couldn't she? 

“I don't know” was all she could say. No ounce of anger, resentment. Nothing. 

Nodding, but not fully understanding her words. Jake can only repeat it. “You don't know….so who else? Eywa cant help me with this. She helped me greatly before. And even I know, great miracles cant happen twice to the same person. It  must be earned. Fucking shit now I dont know what Im saying”. 

More silence fell between the two. Unsure of what to say. 

“Maybe it was a stupid mistake on my part. Letting myself be the guinea pig for the science guys experiment. I didn't know this would happen to me. I don't know myself” Jake says. Feeling more frustrated by the second. 

But again, he only received silence from neytiri. 

“Neytiri please, talk to me. I can't be the only one spewing out words” he begs. 

“If seeing me like this disgusts you-” 

“It does”. 

Now it was Jake's turn to be silent. 

“Your body disgusts me. I cannot see you as human. To me, you have always been na’vi. An Omatikaya. To see you as human, I am reminded of the past. What they did to our home. To my family. I refuse to look at you for the sake of protecting my memories of you. I will not look back at the past only to see you as human. I will, always will, remember and see you as na’vi. Nothing else”. 

There, she said it. All that had to be said. 

“And now…I see you as one of them”

2 more months have passed and there was no sign of things getting better. The village has grown wary of their absent olo’eyktan that Tsarem had taken the title as temporary. But even still, it can only keep the peace for so long. 

A peace that is fragile. So fragile, it can break at any moment, and chaos will ensue. 

A chaos the sully family is facing every day. Without Jake around, it has become harder to contain their four wild children. Lo’ak has taken more reckless adventures, tuk has been throwing more temper tantrums, kiri has shut down her emotions, and neteyam has become lost in what to do. And each problem took a toll on neytiri. The only time any of them behave is when they visit Jake back at the lab. 

The lab has become more of a home for the kids than back at their marui. 

Yet still, neytiri cant bring herself to go there often like her children. After her last conversation with Jake, confessing how she felt. Never again did she go back to see him. Still playing back the memories of when he was na’vi. Wanting to preserve that form of jake. Pretending he was around, doing his duties to the clan, pretending he was there beside her as she sleeps. 

Pretending everything is ok. 

And it is getting harder to play pretend. 

Until the day came, Jake snapped.

“Bro, do you think they will ever find a way to get dad back to being na’vi? Lo’ak asks. As each day passes, he notices the distance between his parents grow larger. His family is slowly being ripped apart. Lo’ak wishes for his dad to go back to being na’vi. With him back, everything will be ok again. 

It has too. 

“I'm not sure baby bro. But they are smart, Perhaps it takes longer to find a cure. It's not forever, I can feel it” neteyam encourages, But their little chit chat was cut short. They heard alarms going off at the lab. Running quickly, they find their father.

On the ground. 

Crawling. 

And without a mask. 

They were quick to be at his side, Jake was shaking uncontrollably, gasping heavily. Making inconceivable sounds. It was a scary sight. 

“Come on! We have to get him inside!” Neteyam picked up his dad by the legs, lo’ak by the arms. But as soon as they picked him up, spider ran outside with a spare mask. “Here here here!” spider quickly placed the mask on Jake, strapping it around his head really well. Guiding the brothers to put their dad down, they all sat in silence, anxiously waiting for Jake to respond. 

And what felt like forever, Jake gasped into the mask, taking deep slow breathes. The boys released huge breaths as well. Not realizing they were holding it in. 

“Dad, are you crazy!? What were you thinking?!” lo’ak was the first to yell at his father. Jake didn't mind. Letting it slide for now. 

“Thinking about your mom. If she isnt coming to me. Then god damn it I am going to her whether she likes it or not”.

At the sully marui, kiri and tuk were playing in silence as neytiri laid in her hammock, swaying absent minded. Kiri noticed how dull thing became. Their father brought life, structure, and happiness in their family. Kiri desperately wishes he would come back soon.

“DAD'S BACK!!” 

Damn that was soon. 

She and tuk looked down to see neteyam carrying their father in his back. In a hurry, the sisters helped bringing their dad inside of their home. Excited and happy he returned. Even in his small weak form .

Jake sat in the middle of their home, all of his kids talking at the same time. Tuk chanting “daddy's home” over and over. Lo’ak saying how stupid move it was to risk his life like that. Neteyam and Kiri being worried over nothing. He missed this. But the one thing he missed more. Was his wife. 

And neytiri, upon hearing the commotion, stood to see Jake there. In their home, smiling as their children talk to him. Their eyes meet. A wordless exchange was made. But quickly, and again, she looks away. 

“I'm not going anywhere, baby. I'm here to stay. Where I belong. Human or not” Jake states. He said it loud and clear, enough for her ears to point in his direction. Tuk jumps excitedly as she goes over and grabs her mothers hand,“Isn't that good mama? He can stay with us forever and ever!”. 

No, it's not good. 

“Dad is human obviously some stuff will change but he is back mom. We don't have to move back and forth, and we can play games like always, "Neteyam says, with new hope and happiness rising in his heart. All of the kids were feeling that. They can vision it. 

“No, he has to go back. Its not safe for him here. Nowhere is safe out here for him” Neytiri denies. Many begin to complain but they don't know what she sees. So many things can go wrong. Jake cant even climb up without help. It takes only one wrong move and he falls to his death. Or his oxygen tank runs out and no one is near to get him an extra. Death is easier to reach him now, easier to take him away entirely. And only then, would neytiri reach a new low in her life. 

“Then I will have to adapt, dont I? I won't be some damsel in distress” 

Neytiri internally groans. But she is grateful her husband still has  his stupid sense of humor. 

And things did shifted. 

Now Jake spends more time in the marui and neytiri spends more time at the lab. What is she doing over there? Secretly threatening the poor humans to hurry up and solve Jake's human problem. Her threats gotten so out of hand that Mo'at had to intervene. 

“Daring to send thanators after them? Have you lost your mind my daughter?” Mo’at asks neytiri in a stern but calm voice. Despite what expression the tsahik has, she is clearly pissed. Like a child, Neytiri sits still, stubborn and mad that she was caught. Mo’at sits across from her, examining her daughter's facial features, reading her like an open script. 

“Those humans are taking too long. They started their unwanted mess, so they should fix it” neytiri says. And mo’at can only sigh in annoyance. “Fix, fix fix, that is all you have said since the beginning. What is there to fix? Their machine?” Mo’at asks. Shaking her head, neytiri provides more. 

“Not that….Jake….he is not na’vi. He is not MINE anymore” 

This confuses her mother, neytiri goes on. 

“I have looked into the Eywa, seeking, hoping for an answer. I wanted her to help him as she did before. Yet Jake was right, nothing is done twice. I fear many things sa’nu. I fear losing my family. My mind. My mate….I cannot make tayshlu anymore with him. Yes, I can hold him close to me, but every time I see him. All I see is those disgusting, vile, sky demons. I feel utter disgust. The need to hurt him. To dig into his chest and bring out his na’vi body. Destroy his human shell, burn it, rip it apart.  I want him back to how he was. One of us. I fear my inner feelings will soon rise, and that I make a grave mistake that can never be taken back”. 

Hearing all that. It concerned Mo'at greatly. Those are dark thoughts that must be vanquished, if it grows more, she fears it will blind neytiri greatly. 

“What is preventing you child?” she whispers. 

Neytiri took a few seconds of silence, a small smile crept up to her lips. “His eyes…Jake's eyes are what prevents me from losing it all”. 

She goes on. 

“Jake’s eyes are the color of the sky. Very blue, and very beautiful. When I look into his eyes, I can only look for so long. They hold purity. If I stare into them for a long time, I might taint them with all the horrors I have seen. His blue eyes are pure sa’nok. Pure and good, but his body is not”.

Letting her words ponder in Neytiri's mind, she left. But mo’at prays to Eywa that her daughter won't make a foolish choice. 

 

Entering her home, there was warm light, the smell of something delicious cooking, and laughter. Opening the flaps, she sees Jake telling a story as their children all listen carefully. 

“And then, the lorax said…” 

Just hearing that word, Neytiri knows exactly what story Jake is telling. Their children might be too old to hear it, but the Lorax story was one of her personal favorites. She hasn't heard it in a long time. 

Neteyam looks up and notices her, waving his arm and everyone turns to see her. All warm smiles, welcoming her in. Jake looks at her, his patient and stupid smile, his blue eyes staring deep into her eyes. “Come in baby, I was just getting into the good part of the story” he says, kiri serving a bowl of their dinner to her, neytiri accepts as she makes herself comfortable on the opposite side of jake. 

“What story are you telling?” she asks, and in unison, her family happily responds, “the lorax!”. Smiling slightly, she listens. Letting jake continue his story, his voice soft and calm. His way of talking never changed. Always so calm and peaceful. If she closes her eyes, it will be just like how it was. 

Some time has passed, and neytiri was able to stare at Jake longer and more comfortably. Talking more like how they used to, while she is still hesitant to touch him for long periods of time, she is forever grateful how patient Jake is with her. But it seems her children haven't changed much, they are still themselves. Yet just as foolish as their father. 

“Tonight, the children will stay with mo’at” neytiri says one morning, Jake pauses what he was doing and looks over at his mate. “Oh? May I know why?” he asks curiously, seeing how neytiri’s tail was moving, he grins. 

“I thought we could use a little break from them. And just be the two of us-” 

“You want a date night” 

“Yes” 

A burst of laughter erupts in the home, Jake knows her too well. He can read her mind at this point. Looking over, he can see her beautiful smile returning. Bright and lovely. Making his way over with big leaps with his hands, neytiri gets closer. Her eyes staring into his. “You could have said that from the start,” he says. Neytiri places her forehead against his. “Not fun” she says. 

Looking into Neytiri's eyes, he knows what she wants. Who is he to deny her. 

Loosening the straps, he starts to take off the mask. Neytiri sees this and starts to panic, “ma’jake what are you doing? No, stop it!” She holds the mask. 

“Come on baby, what's fun without some risks?” Jake asks playfully.. Taking it off completely, he brings neytiri’s face close to his and kisses her with all the love and passion he had for her. Neytiri wanted to pull away, but felt his lips on her. She caved in, her hand on the back of his head, deepening the kiss. 

What felt like forever, they pulled away. Jake was quick to put the mask on, smirking. “See? I'm fine, but I don't mind another one”. 

Scoffing, she grins, “you skxawng” 

 “your skxawng”.

Night fell, the two mates held each other close. Neytiri sighed happily, she likes this. Likes holding jake in her arms, for once she can top him. Taking in his features more and more, she wanted to admire his good looks. His hair did grew out, and lofts to run her fingers through them. So soft and lovely. His arms strong and muscular, his confident smile ever so contagious. 

“Even if the science guys cant fix me-” 

“No, not fix. Cannot fix something that is not broken” 

Jake looks up at her, surprised but a welcoming one. Brining himself closer into her arms, both let their love and peace lure them into sleep. Happily welcoming what becomes of their new normal. 

Yet as they sleep, they didnt notice Jake’s tablet flashing a light. A message from norm. 

Aaaaaaaaaaaand that is it for this one! NGL I had fun writing this one. Took me a bit but I am glad how it turned out. Until next time! See ya!

[thebadgerclan]

Clueless

Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton x reader

Requested by @imabee-oralizard

Summary: Benedict is clueless to your affection...

It was painful to watch Benedict be so clueless.  The Bridgertons and L/Ns had been friends for as long as anyone could remember, your homes were across from one another’s, your father was a well-respected Earl.  And in your childhood, you and Benedict were as thick as thieves, spending nearly every day together.  Then Edmund had passed and you drifted apart, though you still made efforts to spend time with him.

Through your debut into society, Benedict had remained your closest friend.  However, as time passed and the two of you matured, Benedict found his feelings for you evolving.  Where he once saw a girl, he now saw a woman; a beautiful, graceful, elegant woman.  Where he once saw someone to play tag with, he now saw a woman he wanted to bring flowers to, a woman he wanted to spend…oh.

Little did he know, you were in a similar situation.  Benedict had once been a gangly stick of a boy, but he had grown into a devastatingly handsome man.  He wasn’t the head of his household, he wasn’t titled, but that had never mattered to you.  Your father had always made it clear that you could marry whoever you wished, that money or status needn’t play into it.  And as time went on, you found yourself no longer thinking about Benedict as a friend, but someone you wanted to be with, someone you were slowly falling in lo–oh.

The three eldest Bridgertons stood along the side of the ballroom, watching the dance floor.  Anthony watched as his wife danced with Lord Kent while Colin chatted with Miss Featherington.  Benedict, meanwhile, was staring at you, his gaze positively lovesick.  You were dancing with the Marquis of Winchester, who had apparently just inherited his title, and Benedict realized he would give almost anything to be in his place.

“Need we call the fire brigade, brother?” came Anthony’s voice, drawing Benedict’s focus from you.  “What?”  “Your gaze will certainly burn holes in the back of Lady Y/N’s head if you stare at her for much longer!”  Colin burst out in laughter, and Benedict rolled his eyes.  “Quite entertaining, brother, truly.”  Benedict felt his face warm, and he sought out a servant rounding with drinks.

Colin politely excused himself from his conversation with Penelope, and Anthony followed suit, wordlessly agreeing to continue their teasing.  “You know, ladies have dance cards for a purpose, brother,” Colin said, and Benedict barely suppressed the urge to roll his eyes.  “Yes,” he responded.  “They do; to keep track of the gentlemen vying for their hands for a dance.”  “Precisely,” Anthony chimed in, taking a drink from a nearby table.  “So, Benedict, do you think Lady Y/N still has room on her card?”

Benedict nearly spat out his drink.  “What?  I..whyever would you ask such a question?”  Colin disguised his laughter with a cough.  “Because, brother, she has been sneaking glances at you all evening!”  “She has?”  Anthony nodded, nodding gratefully at the gentleman who Kate had been dancing with as he returned her.  “Benedict, with how much you have been looking at her, I am shocked you have not noticed!”

Even now, Benedict was subtly watching you; watching as the Marquis escorted you to the refreshments table, watching as you smiled, as you laughed.  “Benedict!”  “What?”  “Good Lord, you are absolutely besotted!”  Colin clapped him on the shoulder.  “Go ask her to dance, you fool.  Please, if I have to watch you pine for her for another moment, I may be ill.”  Benedict shook his head, but set off across the room anyway.

“Pardon me, Lady Y/N?”  You turned to face Benedict, a warm smile on your face.  “Mister Bridgerton!  How lovely to see you!”  “Lovely to see you as well.  I know it is late in the evening, but do you have room on your dance card for me?”  Butterflies were running rampant in your stomach, and you held up your wrist, displaying the card.  “I happen to have one spot left.  A waltz.”

You left your waltz vacant at every ball you went to, hoping and praying Benedict would ask you to dance.  If others asked, you could play it off as being too intimate for an unwed lady, something no one would question you on.  It was truly a shot in the dark, but tonight, your aim was true.  Benedict smiled, taking the pencil attached to the card and signed his name.  “It would be my honor, Lady Y/N.”  “Please, just Y/N.”

Benedict smiled, and moments later, the musicians played the opening chords of the waltz.  You followed Benedict onto the dance floor, curtseying as he bowed.  The waltz was controversial, some saying it was far too intimate, some calling it outright scandalous.  But that was the farthest thing from your or Benedict’s minds as you began to dance.

His hand was on your waist, the other clasped in yours; your hand on his shoulder.  There was no more than 6 inches of space between your bodies, and you felt as if your heart could bean straight out of your chest.  “So tell me, Y/N,” Benedict said.  “Has the season been treating you well thus far?”  “Oh, I wish I could say it has.  There are plenty of suitors, yes, but…”  “But what, Y/N? We have no secrets, remember?”

It was a stupid pact you’d made years ago: to keep no secrets from Benedict, but it was a pact you’d stuck to….for the most part, that is.  “I have had my heart set on a true love match for so long, and I have yet to feel that with any men who have called upon me.”  “You will find that someday, Y/N, have faith.”  Benedict was trying so desperately not to get his hopes up, but then you spoke again.

“What if I already have?”  It might have been an innocuous thing to say, had you not pressed yourself ever so closer to Benedict, had you not squeezed his hand, and had you not looked so deeply into Benedict’s eyes.  It was so plain: the love you held for him, the desire to be his and for him to be yours, and how long you had wanted it.

“Y/N, are you…”  “I have no callers in the morning,” you said.  “And I hear the weather shall be wonderful for a promenade.”  Benedict’s heart skipped several beats, and when the dance ended, he made a bold move and kissed your hand.  “Well then, I shall call upon you in the morning.  Be warned, though, I have been told I am quite the romantic.”

You couldn’t hold the laugh that left your lips, and Benedict escorted you back to your chaperone.  In the morning, you were indeed greeted by Benedict, a bouquet of 20 red roses in hand.  No one in London was surprised when you were engaged a mere month and a half later, and married four months after that.

[ladydeatharcheron]

“The HoW was rehab”

This is a common argument I see in our fandom when it comes to defending the inner circle’s actions towards Nesta in the beginning of acosf. And I am here to tell you that this argument is null and void, using the guidelines of a healthcare institution linked here.

1. The most important thing is to set a positive, supportive tone. Ensure that the individual is treated with love and respect and maintain a calm, level tone, even if they react unpredictably.

Here is the love, support, and respect the inner circle has given Nesta during her so called intervention:

“You look atrocious,” Amren said.

“Sit down,” Rhys snarled.

“Though I bet it’s hard to look good,” Amren went on, “when you’re out until the darkest hours of the night, drinking yourself stupid and fucking anything that comes your way.”

Rhys scented that fear. She knew it from the second one side of his mouth curled up in a cruel smile.”

“You,” Cassian said from the armchair to her left. “This bullshit behavior.”

The High Lord of the Night Court gestured to the sloping lawn beyond the windows. “We’ve got plenty of space out there for a brawl.”

2. Because many who live with mental illness feel trapped, it’s helpful to lay out a clearly defined plan with options for the individual to choose from.

Now here is the options that were given to Nesta:

“It’s not up for negotiation,” Amren said.

“Your apartment is being packed as we speak,” Amren said. “By the time you return, it will be empty. Your clothes are already being sent to the House, though I doubt they will be suitable for training at Windhaven.”

And this gem too:

Wow! I’m sure that the choice of being locked up with no way out (no, walking 10k steps is not an option for someone as malnourished as she), or being sentenced to die in the human lands didn’t make Nesta feel trapped AT ALL. Good job inner circle. Very touching.

3. However, someone living with a condition like depression or bipolar disorder is highly unlikely to react in the same way. A much smaller group of just one or two friends or family members will likely create an environment more conducive to success.

I fail to see the productivity in shoving Nesta in a room with a man she has repeatedly stated she wants nothing to do with, a woman she had a bad falling out with, and a High Lord that taunts her and abuses his authority to get her to do their bidding.

Here’s a Q&N because I can already hear some of you guys from miles away:

1. “Isn’t that giving Nesta a choice?”

No. An ultimatum is not a choice. Even Cassian admits that it is:

Cassian didn’t miss the look between Feyre and Rhys: the utter agony in his High Lady’s face at the ultimatum he knew was to be presented to Nesta…”

Here’s a definition of an ultimatum:

Ultimatum (noun): A coercive manipulation that utilizes the illusion of choice.

Hence, not an actual choice.

2. “Would you rather they had done nothing?”

No. Nesta needed help. A more constructive approach would’ve been an intervention with Feyre and Elain only. Her actual family. No insults, no jabs, no belittling. They could’ve laid out several options (did she want to train? perhaps dancing would’ve helped her more? maybe she would’ve preferred helping out in the library only?) and let her decide the one she saw fit. Locking her up is not an answer and I’m a strong believer that the most powerful High Lord and Lady of Prythian would’ve managed to make alcohol inaccessible to Nesta regardless of where she was.

To the people that consider it rehab after everything proves that it’s not, please note that the entire point was to get Nesta to stop drinking and sleeping around. Tell me, why is it that when she slept with Cassian, despite sex being her coping mechanism, no one batted an eyelash. That’s insinuating that the inner circle does not in fact care who Nesta sleeps with, as long as it’s under their control, no?

Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[honest-moth-of-silver-grove]

✩ Astarion Gaining Back Reader’s Trust ✩

Anonymous asked: hello! Your requests open? I'm terrible and hoping for some angst, but a good ending? What if when Astarion is telling the female reader (that he developed real feelings for her) about how his original plan was to manipulate her, she cuts him off instantly, upset, and feels used? Maybe she dealt with this before and she's now very upset with him and doesn't trust him so he has to prove it to her?

A/N: Ooh yes! Angst with a happy ending is my middle name! Did I check this before posting? Lol, nope, I did not! If you see any grammar mistakes, give me a holla. Otherwise, please enjoy!

(I am using this format because my inbox is still unavailable to me so I copy and paste the asks directly into posts in order to answer.)

✩

When Astarion confesses his original plan was to use you for protection against Cazador, to seduce you into trusting him, you can't help but feel hurt. It feels like someone shoved a dagger into your heart and then dropped it into your empty stomach. You feel physically ill, that the man you had thought you’d come to love, and who loves you in return, originally planned to use you like that. 

You can’t even bear to listen to what else the pale elf has to say before you cut him off with an angry flourish of the hand. You’re too raw, too blindsided to care about any explanations or excuses. You can’t even look at him right now. You tell him to fuck off before scampering away from the camp to cry your embarrassed tears in privacy. 

To think that you would ever fall for such a ruse again stings you to your very core. You thought you had learned your lesson years ago, the first time you were spurned. A few years ago, when you were much younger, a handsome, somewhat older fellow had come onto you. He said such sweet flowery words and was so attentive and captivating, that you couldn’t help but fall for his charms. You had every intention of running away with the man like he asked. The eve before your departure, however, you caught him in the act with another younger woman you initially thought to be your friend. You couldn’t believe your eyes. How could he do this to you? How could she? 

You later learned, through a mutual acquaintance, that this so-called gentleman was truly only interested in your friend, and had buttered you up just to find out what he needed in order to talk to her. You were devastated. You felt used, and gross. You felt like no one would ever love you for you, only for what you could do for them. That mistake, that pain, haunted you ever since. 

And now there was Astarion. You were so torn. On one hand, he had owned up to his original plan to your face. It’s not like you found him in bed with another party member. And he had been quite vulnerable with you, opening up about his tormented past under Cazador’s thumb. Perhaps you were being too harsh on him. 

Then again, you felt your heart squeeze in your chest, and a hot flush of shame crawled up your beck and cheeks as fresh tears started to fall. He did make you feel this way, even if it wasn’t intentional. And now that you knew what you knew, you could never go back to exactly the way it was before. 

You returned to camp hours later, eyes clearly bloodshot. If any other party members had heard the dispute between you and Astarion, they said nothing. Out of the corner of your eye, you thought you saw Karlach shoot you an empathetic look, but you couldn’t be sure. You were doing your best to avoid making direct eye contact with anyone. You didn’t think you could keep yourself composed if you were to look directly at them. It would show in your face, how hurt and upset their supposed ‘fearless’ leader was. And you didn’t want that. 

You hurried into your tent, before pulling the opening flap closed behind you. But in your haste to do so, you failed to notice you had a guest. 

Astarion, clearly downtrodden, sat on one of your bedrolls, a depressed-looking Scratch resting his head on his lap. 

You wanted to yell at him, to tell him to leave, but the way he was crumpled over made you pause. You supposed it couldn't hurt to hear him out. 

“Darling…” Astarion started before catching himself. “(Y/N),” he started again, “I wanted to explain. I should have been more… careful in my choice of words.” He made a move to reposition, but Scratch whined, preventing Astarion from standing. With a pleading gaze, the vampire looked at you. 

Sighing, you kneeled taking a seat opposite Astarion. You fiddled with a loose hem of your blouse as you waited for him to continue. When he didn’t, you took it upon yourself to continue the conversation. 

“What you said, it hurt me you know,” you spoke slowly, trying to pick the most neutral of words to describe what happened. “I mean, my newfound understanding hurt me.” 

You looked up to find a pair of sorrowful red eyes watching you intently. 

“I thought,” you began again, “After what we shared, after all you told me, that what we had meant something.” 

“It does!” Astarion interjected, clearly wounded by the implication your relationship had all been a lie. “I do… feel for you. I do want to be with you. I don’t just see you as a means to an end.” 

“But you did,” you countered. “You admitted so yourself.” 

“Yes,” Asatrion sighed, running a hand through his hair. “But I need you to understand. When we first met, I didn’t know who I could trust. I thought if you knew the truth about me, about what I was before the parasite, you would kill me. I was walking in the sun, I was acting on my own, I was free of his, Cazador’s pull. I spent years dreaming of that moment, and it was finally here.” 

“Then why plan to use me? To use us?” 

“I… I thought I had to. I thought I had no other choice.” Astarion confided, his voice low. 

You nodded. “I see. So your first moment of freedom was just a facade,” you spoke bitterly. 

“No. With this thing in my brain, Cazador’s voice-”

“I’m not talking about him!” Frustrated, your palms hit your thighs. “I’m talking about you! The first moment of freedom you have in years, and what do you do? You go right back to lying and manipulating, even though you didn’t have to!” 

Astarion scoffed. “Oh? And how was I supposed to know that? Because we were all strangers on the beach infected with the same parasite, I’m supposed to assume you’d take pity on me? You could have killed me!”

“And you almost killed me!” 

Hearing your argument develop into a screaming match, Scratch hastily pushed his way to his feet and nuzzled his way out of your tent. Feeling remorseful for scaring Scratch away, you sighed again. Across from you, Astarion did the same. 

“It’s the only thing I could think to do, the only thing I knew how to do. Lie, lure, sleep with… You changed all that.” 

You shook your head. “I don’t know. I don’t know if it’s enough.” 

“What can I say? I am truly sorry, you know. I only did what I thought I had to. I couldn’t have known that I would, well,” Astarion stopped mid-sentence as if the rest of his thought was obvious. 

“Well, what?” 

“Fall for you,” Astarion tilted his head to the side. 

You did always find that little behavior cute. It was as if he was offering his own neck up to you, like a dog showing its belly, telling you he was capable of being vulnerable. 

“I didn’t think I’d fall for you either,” you confessed. “Seems neither one of us knew what to expect.” 

“Yes, a mind flayer parasite seems to be quite the omen for unpredictable things to come.” 

You laughed, happy to hear his voice return to its usual witty tone. “You could say that again.” 

The two of you sat in that heady moment, letting the anticipation casually run out. 

“I still don't know if I can trust you. I want to, but I’m not sure.” 

“I think I’d be more worried if you did trust me, completely that is.” Astarion gestured for you to come to sit beside him rather than across from him. You relented, crawling over the blanket on the ground, feeling prepared once again, to shoulder that degree of intimacy. 

“It will take time,” you admitted, nuzzling into his chest. 

“Of course,” Astarion spoke gently into your hair after inhaling your calming scent. “I would not expect you to accept anything less.” 

Over the next few days, you found Astarion to be much more attentive, and more curious about your thought process and decision-making. A part of you, the insecure voice inside your head was nervous, certain he was searching for information to simply use to his advantage. Another part of you, your heart that loved him, was touched. 

If the last miscommunication had made anything clear, it was that the two of you weren’t all that knowledgeable about each other. Sure, you knew a handful of each other's deepest and darkest secrets, but not the other’s favorite color. You imagined, should you and Astarion have met under different circumstances, those would be the sort of subjects you’d discuss the most before promising yourselves to each other. 

You were doing what you could to be more present as well, choosing to spend your nights at Astarion’s tent, not for sex, but to just be in his company as he unwound from the adventures of the day. For hours after, if you weren’t too exhausted, you’d stay up just talking to one another. Not about your faults or the shame from your past, but your experiences from the day. 

Astarion made a point of telling you every time he lied or told a half-truth to someone within the party, and you made a point of promising him to not tell the others. It made you feel secure, that he was trying his hardest to be truthful with you. And it touched your heart, how longer the days went on, the less he had to confess. 

The more time you spent with one another, the more your relationship fell into place, and it became clear: the truth was nothing either one of you had to fear. 

✩

If You Liked, Please Reblog!!! Likes are nice but reblogs help the most! 

✩

[heeseung-min]

[00:17]

"I decided for Y/n to get a therapy for her mental health. What she did was clearly wrong however she has no control over it. Therefore, Y/n will be send to asylum."

People who were listening to it started to get furious. When the judges went out from the court room, they started to throw things to Y/N. Shouting and cursing at her for not get to send to jail.

"Asylum? Bullshit! You are murderer. You killed my son! You deserve to be punished."

"We don't have child like you. We don't raise killer!!"

"DIE DIE DIE YOU SHOULD DIE!!!"

The police and guard hold those people from do more harm to you. You can only bowed your head from being seen by them.

"But I didn't do it."

-----

-----

Y/n stared at her food. She didn't have appetite since she got admitted to the hospital. Some patients were badmouthing her and some were just care about themselves more.

"Miss Y/N?"

She looked to a man who sat in front of her. He's not a patient because he had a white coat on. She stared at him with confusion.

"I'm Heeseung, the psychiatrist here. You should eat your food before it gets cold."

Y/n started to munch on her food. She waited for the doctor to go but he just sit there staring at her.

"Can I have my own privacy, please?"

"I have my right to make sure all patients here are fine."

"Yes, I am fine. I'm eating right now. So, can you please leave me alone?"

Heeseung nodded lightly and smiled to her before he left her alone at the table.

----

"I hope you are in good condition. Can we start this session?"

"Yes."

"So, can you tell me what happen that day?"

You tried to remember but the only thing that stuck in your head was you laying in a pool of blood of your boyfriend, Sunghoon. He was there beside you laying unconsciously while you were just woke up. Looking at your surrounding made you speechless that you didn't have a time to regain your memories before the front door got crushed. The polices came in and pulled you away from Sunghoon.

"I...I didn't...know."

Heeseung tilted his head confusedly when you said that. He saw your fingers were shaking and your pupils looking everywhere but him.

"Based on the police report that I got, you killed your boyfrie-"

"NO! I- I didn't kill him. I swear it's not me. I- It's so sudden I just woke up from my sleep and suddenly he's dead beside me. I really don't know what happened that day. Please, trust me."

"But, you don't have evidence for that."

You realized it is pointless to prove yourself innocent. No one believes you and you yourself can't even prove that you are not the killer.

"I will prescribe some medications for you. So, I hope you will consume it."

"But...I'm not sick? I don't have mental illness seriously."

"That's what literally all of them said before. But, trust me sometimes you don't know what happen to yourself."

You became speechless after what he said and quickly went out from the room when he said the session is over.

"I didn't kill him. Why would I kill Sunghoon? I love him."

"That's what I said too, you know."

You sighed and looked to a woman that was standing beside you. When you thought you could get a privacy, you were wrong.

"I didn't believe I killed him at first. But, when I finally remembered everything I laughed at myself. Your head sometimes is messing with you."

The woman said with a big smile on her face made you felt creepy.

"There's a difference between you and me."

The lady raised her eyebrows waiting for your words.

"You are really crazy but I'm not."

That's what you said before leaving the woman speechless on her seat. You thought back about what Heeseung had said on the session just now. It's impossible for you to kill your own boyfriend. Sure, you guys were fighting the day before he died but not to the point you wanted to kill him.

"I'm sorry, hoon. I'm really sorry."

That night, a staff coming to your room and injected some liquid into your body when you were sleeping.

----

"Have you done it?"

"Yes, sir. I did it like what you asked."

"Good. You can leave, now."

"But, why would you do this? She is clearly fine."

The staff curiously asked because the liquid he was given to will bring some bad effects for you. One of it is being delusional.

Heeseung who were looking at his computer turned to the staff with eerie smile on his face.

"That's why I'm doing it. So she can depends on me only. I waited for years to get her in my hands."

The staff felt creepy at Heeseung's tone. He bowed his head and went out from his office.

Heeseung rested his body to the chair while happily staring at his screen that shows you were sleeping at the moment. His plan going so well right now. You will struggling and your mental health deteriorate and Heeseung will heal you. After years watching you he finally get to meet you and have you under his control.

"I knew you better than yourself, y/n."

😟😟Can you guys guess what happen? 🤭I really hope you guys enjoy this story.

Taglist: @stacey-stonem @duolingofanaccount @cyberpinkx

[toothpastemaker]

Daniella, haunting ground

Character analysis under the cut, though it’s got it’s fair share of hard to handle topics like sexism and internalized misogyny, so if you struggle with things of the sort then I humbly suggest you skip that part of the post.

I’ve never done an analysis before, so I do hope you enjoy my thoughts, please feel free to share yours, I’d be more than willing to read it!

Haunting ground is the perfect game to me because it taps in on a big fear of mine when it covers all the objectification of Fiona.

If you’re unfamiliar and have an hour to spare, then I’d suggest watching this video on the topic, but if not then here’s the context.

Haunting ground is a horror game from the early 2000′s, you play as a female character named Fiona who’s found herself trapped in an odd mansion, avoiding stalker killers who view you in sexist ways and wish to use you for their own personal gain. It's insanely ahead of its time.

one of these Villains is named Daniella, the maid of the castle, she’s introduced when she provides you with clothes in a very inhuman way, her movements are stiff and she she smiles in an odd manor, she moves and behaves like she isn’t human, and you’d be kind of correct for thinking that.

At dinner, she states that she was “created” to be the perfect woman, however she does not experience pleasure nor pain, the wiki mentions her to be infertile as well. Shortly after this statement is when she starts hunting you and her attitude completely changes, she insults you, calls you princess derogatorily, at some point she slut shames you for daring to have a functioning womb in her vicinity, and I am personally of the belief that her disdain for Fiona is because of the indoctrination of the men around her.

Danie was stated to be created by Lorenzo Belli who made her to be the perfect woman, and yet this woman is lacking some very key human aspects, no pleasure, no pain. If this was on purpose, then it represents Lorenzo's very disturbing view of women, but Daniella has her own, more human views of what a woman should be, except instead of blaming the men who lied and limited her opportunities and potential, she, unfortunately, makes the very human mistake of blaming a woman who has what she wants.

Daniella reminds me a lot of old, angry suburban moms who talk ill of younger, happier women because of their rejection of close minded gender roles. It’s simply easier to blame others than admit that you’ve wasted your potential and I think that's what Daniella is doing, she’s quite literally a maid, she’s forced into submissiveness on a daily basis, doing chores and cooking food, you basically can’t get more gendered than that. But the thing is, Daniella is kinda rejecting this “perfect woman” in favor of her own happiness.

Thats the reason as to why she started chasing us, she hates herself being a feelingless doll and she longs for a humanity that she was robbed of by a powerful male figure in her life, but it’s as I said, she’s targeting the hate toward the wrong person which eventually leads to her demise, and despite dying horribly, she smiles when she’s finally free of her shackles.

[niiwa-angel]

please tell me why you think that transgender people are bad/faking it. With real reasons, please

Normally, I wouldn't answer a bad faith question like this but I feel like it's a question a lot of Radfems get asked so I'm going for it. I'm going to put a cut here, because I am going to post screen shots of TIM rape fantasies and I know that's disturbing. You have been warned

First of all, I divide trans identified people into two categories. 1. People with gender Dysmorphia and 2. People with sex based reasons. For category two, males tend to be identifying into sexualization while females are trying to identify out of it. This also includes females who fetishize homosexual male relationships and think that by identifying asale, they can have that Yaoi romance they masturbate to.

So let's address category 1 first. I do not hold anything against people with gender Dysmorphia and in fact, feel quite a lot of sympathy for them. However, I think the treatments we have for their illness is not helpful. We don't treat anorexics with gastric sleeves or laxatives, we don't treat people with depression by giving them razors, we don't treat people with anxiety by telling them they're completely right about their friends hating them. So why are we treating people with Gender Dysmorphia with hormones and surgeries when they should be receiving therapy?

We also know that in young people, gender Dysmorphia is something they tend to outgrow as they react adulthood. So any treatments they get, such as puberty blockers, cross sex hormones, and surgery, are permanent "fixes" to temporary problems. Again, these people need therapy, not surgical intervention.

Now let's move on to category 2.

Trans identified males in category 2 are usually motivated by a fetish. Where men feel sexual gratification by performing tasks they view as feminine and often consume a lot of "sissy porn". Trans identified males have even talked about this at length and the misogyny really jumps out

This is a very famous "trans woman" who literally just said that the bare essentials to being female is "an open mouth, and expectant asshole, blank, blank eyes" and we're supposed to think it's not a fetish?

Moving on from that, a lot of trans identified males on this site LOVE to post about their sexually violent fantasies against real women. Let's take a look at them, shall we?

Nothing scary about that AT ALL!! Totally normal thoughts to have about your fellow humans. And for people who so desperately want to be seen as "women" the sure do like talking about violence they'd like to inflict on us. This isn't even the extent of it, this is merely a drop in an overflowing bucket of porn addicted depravity that trans identified males indulge in. If you want more, I suggest the R/FTM subreddit. You'll find lots of men discussing how they stole their female family members underwear and masturbated in them. Or how many of them have a fantasy about getting pregnant so they can get an abortion. Or how many of them have a fantasy about breastfeeding a baby. All of their fantasies are rooted in sexual gratification. By their own admission in posts they make on trans subreddits, sexual arousal and gratification are a major part of the "trans woman" experience. Look at how often they talk about "euphoria boners" on that sub when it comes to things like wearing dresses or skirts.

But let's move on from males for a moment, even though I could go on about them all day. While trans identified males are certainly the ones who pose the most physical threat against other people, trans identified females aren't harmless either, especially the ones with a gay male fetish.

Women with a gay male fetish adhere to the same level of entitlement that men with a lesbian fetish do. They are angry at real homosexuals for not being interested in them. Trans identified females tell on themselves all the time on X and Reddit, they complain about gay men not wanting to date them, they call "cis" gay men a disease, and that they wish AIDS has wiped them all out. I'm running out of pictures for this post but @capricornseason has lots of receipts on her blog. Not that I think you'll go check them out, because this is a bad faith question, but I encourage others to go see her page.

For women trying to identify out of sexualization, you'll often hear some very telling terms. "I don't feel like a woman" or "I was never into xyz". Usually, this means that they were tomboys or that they, like trans identified males, affiliate womanhood with sexual availability and submission. It's not, being a woman is just being an adult human female, how you dress, act, what career you chose, and how you spend your free time has nothing to do with that.

[occultist-romantic]

Don't you realize that male and female are social constructs? They're ideas. Scientists don't even believe biological sex is a thing anymore, we're all just people. Gender is almost like religion, it can change, some people are really sure on theirs and others aren't, forcing someone into one is always wrong. Do you know why you're cis? Do you ever think about the possibility that you're not, about what it would be like to be something other then what you were born as. Would you still feel like a woman if you didn't have a womb, if you didn't have breasts or genitals or estrogen? It was a combination of contemplating these things, and mystical experiences with the goddess Hel that got me to realize I was agender. I thought I would lose certain things when becoming nonbinary and genderless, but I didn't. I don't know about you, but know you can be happy as an enby or a boy, you can be loved, and cherished and comforted as an enby or as a boy. I don't know if you're nonbinary like I am. You might find you really do identify with womanhood, but if you do really want to be a woman, then know that that's the same feeling amab women have. I know what it's like to think the way you do, I used to think that way, and I've had bad experiences with men and with the expectations society has for people with bodies like mine. But you don't have to take your pain and call it womanhood.

hi, give me one article stating that science believes biological sex isn’t a thing anymore when your sex determines how you live, the diseases you are prone to (xx/xy-linked disorders, endometriosis, breast cancer, vaginal cancer, prostate cancer, certain mental illnesses, etc) the treatment you receive, how you are perceived, down to the money you earn. there are statistics of women earning significantly lower compared to men, women facing abuse significantly higher than men, and so on. in el salvador, a female gets killed every 24 hours, in bangladesh at least one woman is raped every 9 hours, in somalia girls suffer from the highest rates of FGM, which is completely only because they are females. families don’t have the same expectations and plans for their child when it’s a female, especially in countries where FGM, child marriage, and so on is high. because a woman is seen as the “honor” of the family, the one who has to stay pure no matter what. this is why so many women get forcefully married with their rapists and forced to carry their babies. to save the honor. however a man does not have this responsibility. these are all related to sex and the fact that you say sex isn’t a real thing is the MOST delusional thing i have ever heard in my life. gender is a social construct, a way to oppress women and have them live under the patriarchy. if they don’t fit they must either be a man or unwanted, unloved, ugly, etc. no one is forcing you into any gender because gender isn’t real, but a construct like you said. however biological sex is everyone’s reality and if you are an “anarchist” like you claim you are then you should know this. did you not read kropotkin? anything? which anarchist denies biological sex?

not only this but who are you to act like i’m secretly trans or something? can you PLEASE respond to this and tell me one thing that made you realize you weren’t a “woman” and have it be something else than a gender role? did you hate wearing dresses as a kid? did you want short hair? did you feel like you didn’t fit in with the other girls because you didn’t share the same experiences? did you play football and video games? were you loud and messy? what made you realize you weren’t actually a woman nor a man?

what makes a woman is her biology, not if she has long hair, not if she has a feminine face or dresses to wear, or if she puts on makeup. this is why it’s so freeing. because you don’t have to waste your time thinking of countless terms to further reinforce your “uniqueness” or “individuality” that’s pushing you to microlabels. you can simply exist in your body as a woman because you are a woman due to your sex, not due to the gender roles.

you are saying you had bad experiences with men and society’s standards. don’t you see that it’s that way with every women? when men constantly rape, abuse and kill women; is it ever easy to feel safe? in this case, it would make sense to reject womanhood and want to be something else because a woman is the one who faces the abuse, not someone else. since you are perceived as a woman, you face the violence a woman would. so by becoming “non-binary” you simply try to escape that painful reality.

i’m not going to go into the religious side of it because it’s your relationship with your deity. and simply i don’t care. but i do wish you heal your relationship with womanhood and understand you can be anything you are now simply being a woman, because it’s not a gender, it’s a reality

i want to add that you can be loved as a woman too. you are not alone as a woman

[kurayami-no-ko]

Translation of Sannan short story from the Tsukikage Stellaworth booklet

Note: This short story is from the Stellaworth tokuten shousasshi for Hakuouki Tsukikage no Shou. I don't own a copy of this booklet.

Spoiler for Sannan's route.

Sannan Keisuke

“If one brings a woman along, I think that it is best to somewhat show her to an inn but…that was outside of my expectation.”

Opening the door and looking at the room we would be sheltering in tonight, I could not help letting out a sigh of disappointment.

Inside the room there were only two shabbily built bed. The room smelled faintly of mold and if one stayed long enough here, it was probable one would start to feel down.

After the battles in Japan had ended, in order to learn more about rasetsu and ochimizu – and also about the race of demons living in the West, Chizuru and I journeyed to Europe.

At the beginning, because of the very different climate and lifestyle from Japan, and also because of the languages we could not understand very well, we were extremely bewildered but somehow, we could say that they got used to it.

Because I had the body of a rasetsu, Chizuru had the body of a pure-blooded demon, we would only be fine if we received injuries that were not severe. In foreign countries, if we succumbed to illnesses, it was possible that just like that, we could lose our lives.

“I am sorry. Tonight, please endure. From tomorrow, I will try to make sure it will not be like this.”

However, Chizuru…

“I am fine. As long as there are a mattress and a blanket, I am okay.”

“Chizuru…”

“Because we are travelling in a foreign country with no place to go to, from now on, money is important, right? I think that it is best if we should avoid wasting money as much as possible.”

She did not voice out a single word of complaint and accepted everything.

I let out a sigh.

“I would rather you condemned this kind of situation.”

“Eh…”

Not being able to understand the meaning of my words immediately, her eyes rounded up.

After fixing my glasses, I leaned my face towards her left ear.

Then, when I lightly used my fingers to brush away the hair falling over her ear, she was slightly surprised and with a twitch, her shoulders leaped up.

While thinking that acting like this, she was so cute, I whispered.

“If you are able to accept everything in such a manner…I will take advantage of you without limitation.”

The moment I said those words, a bright red spread all over her skin until her ears were also of that color.

I kissed her red cheek.

The kiss was not even on the lips but was a trivial kiss on the cheek, but she became embarrassed to the point of being miserable. It was like she understood how to awaken my desire to tease her.

However, she continued shrinking, moving her lips and looked like she wanted to say something.

Thinking that this was strange, I moved my ears towards her mouth…

“I…think I don’t mind being taken advantage of more and more.”

The moment I heard those words, my mind literally became blank, and I was unable to follow up with anything else.

(Chizuru, you…)

She probably was able to guess only a little bit of what I was feeling after hearing those words.

No, she definitely was not able to imagine anything.

His young lover definitely could not imagine the effect of such defenseless words on the heart of a man.

“…Tonight, I planned to study the language of this country from the usual book but…”

When he spoke to that point and stopped, Chizuru leaned her head to one’s side, looking doubtful.

I grabbed her wrist and pulled her into an embrace.

“Ah…”

When we were close enough to the point that our breaths mingled, her face approached me.

I saw that because of surprise and confusion, her black irises were trembling.

“I have changed my mind. I think that I am going to take advantage of you to my heart’s contents. If I don’t do such a thing, I will not be able to concentrate.”

“Ehh? Ehh, eh…?”

There was no need to explain about Chizuru’s confused expression in more words.

I grabbed her small and slender chin and tilted it upwards. And just like that, following the course of the momentum, I stole her lips.

(Because I am much older than you, I want to show the moderation of an older man but…)

When they were alone together, especially if I heard such words as she said beforehand, no matter what, I became unable to do that.

As I kept giving her little kisses, it felt like my head was submerged in water, dulling me to the core of my brain

It was so strange that no matter how much I had fully tasted the lips of my charming beloved, I could not become satiated of them. Instead, I felt that the more time passed, the more I would become fully absorbed in them.

(I cannot count how many times that I used to think that it was so foolish when I saw the degrading forms of men of the world as they became weak because of women…Now I fully understand those feelings.”

Just like that, I supported her body and led her towards the bed.

And just like that, I pinned her body onto the bed.

I could feel what kind of expression that she was making from her breaths and from how her limbs were trembling slightly.

Though she expressed a little anxiety, in truth, the gaze looking up at me expressed trust in me.

And then…

“The Keisuke-san of this moment, seems…somewhat like a different person from the normal you.”

“This me, do you dislike it?”

She shook her head in response to that question.

“…I cannot ever grow to dislike Keisuke-san. No matter what happens.”

Listening to her whispering voice which reverberated in the dark, his reason was submerged in sweet nectar.

(A person such as yourself is, truly…)

Listening to such a phrase from his beloved, was there any man that could still keep his reason in such a circumstance?

“By such words, you allow me to take advantage of you. Today, it is likely that I will not hold back myself but…the person who made it happen is you, isn’t it?”

After saying that, I resumed kissing her intensely.

When the night deepened, while watching Chizuru breathing in her sleep from her side, I flipped through the dictionary of the language of this country.

(At this age, it is very hard for me to learn new things…)

Though I had knowledge of Chinese classical writing, the languages of Europe were different in their own ways.

However, I would definitely not resign only because of this much difficulty.

(In this strange country, I will definitely not abandon you.)

Until the day I could solve the riddle of rasetsu and ochimizu, cure my body of the poisonous effect of ochimizu and become a human once again, I definitely could not die.

In truth, it would not be strange if I had lost his life earlier on but, for some cause or effect, until this point when both the shogunate and the Shinsengumi had gone, I was still able to hold onto my life.

(Surely, this is also a coincidence of fate.)

Looking at the innocent sleeping form of the person I loved, unintentionally, a smile appeared on my face. Just having her by my side gave me unlimited strength.

(Some time, when I can solve the riddle of the ochimizu…let’s go back to Japan. Until that point, I cannot allow myself to die.)

While only gazing at the stars, inside my heart, I made a speech to my dearest lover.

[guardr0ck]

Intro post I guess?

I always said I would never ever EVER let go of my old online handle because it was so unequivocally me and, while that is actually still true, the community that I cultivated there for over two decades no longer is. Even as a young tween when I first started posting online in '01, I had a very concrete grasp on what is fiction, and what is reality. I used the internet to connect specifically with other girls and young women who enjoyed the kind of strange fiction and games that I love; from fanart to RP to cosplay and everything in-between. I was born with major organ failure and a deformed body, so I had to get used to accepting my lot very quickly and at a very young age. Practicing radical acceptance, if you will. The notion that other women (and men too) didn't live with such a concrete divide between the real and unreal never occurred to me, as that level of delusion was nearly impossible for me to fathom at my young age. And, for a good while, the culture of fandom reflected this, as it was always understood, for example, that the person I was conversing with was just Kelly the fellow 19 year-old gal from Wisconsin, and not actually Dave Strider from our Homestuck RPs.

This notion was completely challenged when, circa 2011, my best friend found gender ideology on this very site.

At first I was accepting and tolerant, but it quickly shoved a wedge between myself and all my friends, for it was as if a contagious disease ravaged my entire extended friend group, all of whom were neurodivergent females. My close-knit friend group in real life all began identifying as some sort of trans. Soon followed my internet friend group as well. In both spaces it then spread even further to other extended female companions we had. Altogether, about twenty young women with whom I was close with, now identify as some flavor of trans, with a few of them currently suffering grave illness in their 30's due to complications from extensive testosterone use throughout their 20's. You can not tell me that this is not a social contagion, because IT FUCKING IS. I became a pariah because I refused to take T or id as "non-binary" (a make-believe, pseudo-spiritual identity with absolute 0 basis in reality). I became a pariah because of the simple "crime" of accepting myself as a lesbian.

I have been critical of trans ideology from the very get go, albeit in a "you do you, I do me" sort of way. If the individual was close to me or even clearly trying their best to assimilate and "pass" I was even cool with using their "preferred pronouns" no matter how wrong it felt. Live and let live, and all that. Honestly, I still AM like this towards TIPs who acknowledge that they aren't actually the opposite sex. You would think there would be no issue with that, but nah, I was met with comedically extreme resistance ("bigot"/"murderer"/"violence-promoter") for stating the simple fact that one can not actually change sex. I knew these accusations of bigotry were untrue words coming from disturbed minds (who needed help, not hormones...), but I was willing to forgive these egregious accusations on the grounds of "tolerance" and "being kind". However, in their minds I had to become a True and Honest Believer or else I was evil. Of course, they could never make me believe in the unreal, so I simply held my tongue and walked on eggshells with nearly every interaction, tying myself up in knots to please them.

This changed when I was sexually harassed (in real life and online) by multiple heterosexual trans-identified males for the crime of being a gay woman. "The right cock will fix you, as long as its wearing a frock." Legit the same shit coming from the hyper-religious right, but wrapped up in a glittery package complete with hideous make-up. Most of my friends sided with them, with the men threatening to "fix" me via heterosexual corrective rape.

All I have to say to that is: FUCK YOU.

I'm lucky to have made it to my 30's, and I'll be fucking damned before I let some delusional assholes continue to control how I act and feel. You only get one trip around this rock, and I'm done letting them invade my spaces online and threaten my safety in real life. Funny that, when all the lunatic jargon and double-speak is removed, this all boils down to straight (predominantly white) males trying to sexually dominate a profoundly disabled woman who doesn't want sex with them!

If you made it this far, congrats lol. PLEASE DO interact if you are a GC artist, but especially if you do fanart of HH or 80's/90's animation (especially lost media and foreign stuff). Please understand the characters and dynamics I find entertaining in fiction ARE NOT indicative of what I like irl!!!! I can never let go of "fandom" or being creative -- it's in my blood. Literally, I come from a family of artists. But I can't keep living in this bizarre upside down space where I am forced to kowtow to the delusions of every person who lives in a fantasy, and where I am encouraged to support blatantly narcissistic behavior at the expense of my own safety and happiness.

[ellies-rambles]

I do see how I misunderstood your original post, apologies. However, that doesn’t change the fact that you’re assigning motives and connections where there are none. Angus says very clearly what he’s packing and why, his motives are explicitly laid out and doesn’t offer any sort of clue that he might not be telling the truth. He doesn’t make any mention of the draft before, during, or after this scene— in the case of the restaurant scene, he says that he’ll be sent to Vietnam as a result of attending Fork Union, not because he was drafted.

If you want to talk about draft dodgers, that’s cool and a very good and worthy thing to discuss as far as American politics go, but this movie is not about a boy who is actively trying to dodge the draft. He’s 17, he’s not at risk of being drafted until at least his 18th birthday, so he wouldn’t be preemptively preparing for something like this— what good could wearing a swimsuit like that on vacation do in terms of being drafted? He’d have to wear it to his assessment; just owning that piece of clothing isn’t enough proof that he intended to use it for that purpose. Also, as far as draft dodging techniques go, there are ways that were much easier for someone like Angus to do; a big, popular choice was going to college, or faking a medical condition— hell, with the trauma history to his shoulder, he might not even be eligible for the draft in the first place, depending on how it healed and what functionality he’s capable of (which, to be fair, in the film, it seems like he makes a speedy recovery).

Anyway, my point is, claiming to be gay to avoid the draft, whether true or not, was a very extreme choice, and there were things he could have done that would be easier and less damaging. In 1970, when the bulk of this movie takes place, homosexuality was still classified as a psychiatric disorder. People were hospitalized and criminalized for being gay. In America, it was still classified as a mental illness up until 1973, began being decriminalized in 1961, and wasn’t until 2003 where all the laws left that were anti-gay began to be invalidated (of course, recently, we’ve seen discriminatory laws being put back into place, but I digress). There was a very big stigma around being gay back then, and, if Angus showed up to his drafting station and claimed to be gay, he wouldn’t be sent to Vietnam, but he also likely would not be going home to Boston either.

Again, it’s great to discuss the ethics of the draft and dodging it, but this movie doesn’t talk about it because that’s not what this movie is about. Angus dodging the draft is not brought up, because this movie is not the story of a troubled boy who is dodging the draft, along with other hardships in his life.

If you want to watch a movie about the draft/dodging the draft, I suggest The Boys Who Said NO! (2020, dir. judith ehrlich) which, while not fiction, does paint a very good picture of what the environment and conversation around draft dodging was at the time, and gives a tidy little retrospective of the implications of these actions.

First off, you sound like that person who sent that weird essay to maia crimew. Second off, please take a film studies or film analysis course. Just because the film isn't ACTIVELY about something doesn't mean it's not a theme. Third, Angus is a junior who repeated a grade. Fourth, (this list is out of order with your ask) gay men fully could not join the military. It wasn't just if they were drafted. It's also very silly to me that you're acting like you know a lot about Vietnam drafting but using dodging instead of resisting. I'm a queer woman who has studied prep schools during the Vietnam era very intensely. Just because something wasn't popular doesn't mean it didn't happen. I am a film student, the curtains are never just blue. The filmmaker's intention ultimately doesn't matter. There is an underlying theme of Vietnam War fears throughout that movie and I literally just identified one. Grow up <3

[sapphiredhearts-a]

wanted plots by muse . if you would like to explore a plot mentioned here please like this post and let me know which plot you would like to explore by the muse it is with . these are first come , first serve as I don't want to do the same plot multiple ways for now . please also stick to one different plot per muse of yours . this may change later but I want to give everyone I write with a fair chance for different stuff !

sydney sage is stationed in x town to research the supernatural rumors surrounding the area ( would be good for twilight , tvd type universes ) . while there she meets supernatural creature who resides there . being disgusted by said creatures , sydney is determined to stay far away and simply monitor anything happening to keep them from being exposed to humans . as an alchemist it is her job . however - the vampire / werewolf begins to act out for her attention / to get her riled up and learn more about the alchemists drawing her into a world she wasn't fond of joining . ( possible outcomes : enemies to friends , enemies to lovers )

a royalty / historical based plot : adrian ivashkov is the crown prince of france suddenly when his elder brother passes away from a mysterious illness . having never taken the throne seriously adrian is in for a big awakening when responsibility is thrust into his ( incapable ? ) lap . he has been known in the past for womanizing , gambling , and partying and most noble families ( despite offering up their daughters for his brother before he passed ) do not wish to join in a marriage to the new future king . with his coronation looming adrian's mother is determined to make him a perfect match and so calls in women both from france as well as princesses from other countries to stay in a countryside manor for him to visit and hopefully finally find love - either way by the end of summer he must choose and the two will be crowned king and queen of france immediately following the winter wedding . ( this plot can go one of two ways : either a noble woman from a good family in france whom adrian once flirted with and knew as a child more of a demure and calm manner , everything his family wants in a queen . perhaps there was feelings before he started to become so reckless , perhaps he had broken her heart in the past ? or a new princess entirely - headstrong & the epitome of he has met his match . neither want to be married but somewhere along the line they begin to have true feelings . )

a loosely based vampire academy plot - if you are not familiar with the va universe we can go over major points / make up things for an au : jill mastrano has recently learned she is one of the last remaining dragomirs and therefore a vampire princess in her own right due to an affair her mother had never mentioned . now she is kept at court learning the ins and outs of becoming a royal under her sister the queen . beautiful and bubbly , jill has always dreamed of something outside of the mundane world of court but she has to admit she does enjoy the parties and pretty dresses . as a royal she is assigned a new guardian to watch over her every move - a very dedicated guardian as the rules of court state that she must be kept safe because if Lissa ( the queen ) is the only remaining dragomir she cannot be queen any longer . the guardian code is devout : they come first and nothing more can happen . friendship is outlandish - much less the feelings the new princess and her guardian have started to feel . stepping out of line can risk her entire family and she has to quell these emotions as much as she can - not to mention the risk to the guardian's career . however , after an attack on court the two find them sequestered at a cabin in hiding . what will happen there and after they come back to court ?

loosely based on evermore ( the book ) - no need to be familiar with the book as we will be making our own au . this will have some charmed influences as I am using Leo ( whose backstory will be adjusted from regular charmed lore ) : leo wyatt became a whitelighter after he died in the first crusades . his main job was to guide new witches and make sure they learned their craft / turned to good . he loves his job and is very good at it - however , somewhere along the way he meets a girl and falls in love . the problem ? she is one of his charges - a young witch who has not yet learned what she is . afraid of losing her , he does not tell her everything he should and she ends up dying from an attack . heartbroken leo continues on as he is immortal - until one day he runs into the same girl with just a few details changed ( hair color , eye color , powers , we can get creative here ) . amazed he rushes to her - only to find out that she does not know him and has been reincarnated . each time the two meet and fall in love the girl dies an untimely death - sometimes after learning she is a witch , sometimes not being a new witch at all , all different circumstances . and yet he always finds her again ultimately . we could pick up in present times as well as do flashbacks and lead this wherever we need to to progress the plot .

sharpay evans is a popstar gaining friction and blowing up world-wide . her number one single is quickly followed by outrageous hype for her new album . she is the new sensation and is loving every bit of it after working her ass off to break into this world . with a tour on the horizon she doesn't see how she could be happier - until someone on tik tok calls her a one - hit wonder after listening to her album and quickly sends the media into a frenzy . with a well aimed pen her publicist is on the case and before she knows it she has contacted an actor / singer who has recently been falling out of the spotlight . the plan ? push them into a fake relationship for the media - therefore cementing sharpay's fame & bring his career back from the dead . so focused on staying in the spotlight - sharpay agrees but is cold and distant any time the two are alone together . she is focused on her career - love can wait . but will his all - american / boy next door attitude win her over ? or will they crash and burn in the public eye ?

greek mythos in which hades is not married to persephone and is an eternal bachelor . hades is a greek god and has endless power in the underworld at his fingertips . and yet - he is bored . sure he has had various flings over the millennia and yes his territory rivals either of his brothers . . . but he wants more . and so he goes to mount olympus for the summer solstice to plead his case . his brothers are amused wondering why anyone would want what hades does but ultimately they agree . they do owe him after all . with his most trusted advisor watching the underworld , zeus and poseidon come together to turn hades into a mortal ( with limited supernatural power , of course ) so that he can venture into the world and find his true love . ( this will be fleshed out more based on who I plot with ) .

loosely based on the kissing booth . analeigh ateara is your typical girl - next - door , bubbly persona . despite struggling since losing her parents the girl has adjusted to her new life pretty well and even made it into college . there she made quick friends with her roommate and even signed up to do the school's carnival with her . things were great until she realized she had to pull a shift at the kissing booth due to a drop out . having never kissed anyone except one guy back in california , ana is nervous and ends up going on stage blindfolded . the first few kisses are terrible and then she has the most amazing , sparks flying kiss of her life . pulling the blindfold off she sees the most handsome boy she has ever lay eyes on . the problem ? it's her roommate's brother and he has been playing girls since forever . will it develop into more ? and what happens when her new best friend forbids the relationship ?

[where-your-eyes-dont-go]

"Aristophanes professed to open another vein of discourse; he had a mind to praise Love in another way, unlike that either of Pausanias or Eryximachus. Mankind; he said, judging by their neglect of him, have never, as I think, at all understood the power of Love. For if they had understood him they would surely have built noble temples and altars, and offered solemn sacrifices in his honour; but this is not done, and most certainly ought to be done: since of all the gods he is the best friend of men, the helper and the healer of the ills which are the great impediment to the happiness of the race. I will try to describe his power to you, and you shall teach the rest of the world what I am teaching you. In the first place, let me treat of the nature of man and what has happened to it; for the original human nature was not like the present, but different. The sexes were not two as they are now, but originally three in number; there was man, woman, and the union of the two, having a name corresponding to this double nature, which had once a real existence, but is now lost, and the word "Androgynous" is only preserved as a term of reproach. In the second place, the primeval man was round, his back and sides forming a circle; and he had four hands and four feet, one head with two faces, looking opposite ways, set on a round neck and precisely alike; also four ears, two privy members, and the remainder to correspond. He could walk upright as men now do, backwards or forwards as he pleased, and he could also roll over and over at a great pace, turning on his four hands and four feet, eight in all, like tumblers going over and over with their legs in the air; this was when he wanted to run fast. Now the sexes were three, and such as I have described them; because the sun, moon, and earth are three;-and the man was originally the child of the sun, the woman of the earth, and the man-woman of the moon, which is made up of sun and earth, and they were all round and moved round and round: like their parents. Terrible was their might and strength, and the thoughts of their hearts were great, and they made an attack upon the gods; of them is told the tale of Otys and Ephialtes who, as Homer says, dared to scale heaven, and would have laid hands upon the gods. Doubt reigned in the celestial councils. Should they kill them and annihilate the race with thunderbolts, as they had done the giants, then there would be an end of the sacrifices and worship which men offered to them; but, on the other hand, the gods could not suffer their insolence to be unrestrained."

"At last, after a good deal of reflection, Zeus discovered a way. He said: "Methinks I have a plan which will humble their pride and improve their manners; men shall continue to exist, but I will cut them in two and then they will be diminished in strength and increased in numbers; this will have the advantage of making them more profitable to us. They shall walk upright on two legs, and if they continue insolent and will not be quiet, I will split them again and they shall hop about on a single leg." He spoke and cut men in two, like a sorb-apple which is halved for pickling, or as you might divide an egg with a hair; and as he cut them one after another, he bade Apollo give the face and the half of the neck a turn in order that the man might contemplate the section of himself: he would thus learn a lesson of humility. Apollo was also bidden to heal their wounds and compose their forms. So he gave a turn to the face and pulled the skin from the sides all over that which in our language is called the belly, like the purses which draw in, and he made one mouth at the centre, which he fastened in a knot (the same which is called the navel); he also moulded the breast and took out most of the wrinkles, much as a shoemaker might smooth leather upon a last; he left a few, however, in the region of the belly and navel, as a memorial of the primeval state. After the division the two parts of man, each desiring his other half, came together, and throwing their arms about one another, entwined in mutual embraces, longing to grow into one, they were on the point of dying from hunger and self-neglect, because they did not like to do anything apart; and when one of the halves died and the other survived, the survivor sought another mate, man or woman as we call them, being the sections of entire men or women, and clung to that. They were being destroyed, when Zeus in pity of them invented a new plan: he turned the parts of generation round to the front, for this had not been always their position and they sowed the seed no longer as hitherto like grasshoppers in the ground, but in one another; and after the transposition the male generated in the female in order that by the mutual embraces of man and woman they might breed, and the race might continue; or if man came to man they might be satisfied, and rest, and go their ways to the business of life: so ancient is the desire of one another which is implanted in us, reuniting our original nature, making one of two, and healing the state of man."

"Each of us when separated, having one side only, like a flat fish, is but the indenture of a man, and he is always looking for his other half. Men who are a section of that double nature which was once called Androgynous are lovers of women; adulterers are generally of this breed, and also adulterous women who lust after men: the women who are a section of the woman do not care for men, but have female attachments; the female companions are of this sort. But they who are a section of the male follow the male, and while they are young, being slices of the original man, they hang about men and embrace them, and they are themselves the best of boys and youths, because they have the most manly nature. Some indeed assert that they are shameless, but this is not true; for they do not act thus from any want of shame, but because they are valiant and manly, and have a manly countenance, and they embrace that which is like them. And these when they grow up become our statesmen, and these only, which is a great proof of the truth of what I am saving. When they reach manhood they are loves of youth, and are not naturally inclined to marry or beget children,-if at all, they do so only in obedience to the law; but they are satisfied if they may be allowed to live with one another unwedded; and such a nature is prone to love and ready to return love, always embracing that which is akin to him. And when one of them meets with his other half, the actual half of himself, whether he be a lover of youth or a lover of another sort, the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy, and would not be out of the other's sight, as I may say, even for a moment: these are the people who pass their whole lives together; yet they could not explain what they desire of one another. For the intense yearning which each of them has towards the other does not appear to be the desire of lover's intercourse, but of something else which the soul of either evidently desires and cannot tell, and of which she has only a dark and doubtful presentiment. Suppose Hephaestus, with his instruments, to come to the pair who are lying side, by side and to say to them, "What do you people want of one another?" they would be unable to explain. And suppose further, that when he saw their perplexity he said: "Do you desire to be wholly one; always day and night to be in one another's company? for if this is what you desire, I am ready to melt you into one and let you grow together, so that being two you shall become one, and while you live a common life as if you were a single man, and after your death in the world below still be one departed soul instead of two-I ask whether this is what you lovingly desire, and whether you are satisfied to attain this?"-there is not a man of them who when he heard the proposal would deny or would not acknowledge that this meeting and melting into one another, this becoming one instead of two, was the very expression of his ancient need. And the reason is that human nature was originally one and we were a whole, and the desire and pursuit of the whole is called love. There was a time, I say, when we were one, but now because of the wickedness of mankind God has dispersed us, as the Arcadians were dispersed into villages by the Lacedaemonians. And if we are not obedient to the gods, there is a danger that we shall be split up again and go about in basso-relievo, like the profile figures having only half a nose which are sculptured on monuments, and that we shall be like tallies."

"Wherefore let us exhort all men to piety, that we may avoid evil, and obtain the good, of which Love is to us the lord and minister; and let no one oppose him-he is the enemy of the gods who oppose him. For if we are friends of the God and at peace with him we shall find our own true loves, which rarely happens in this world at present. I am serious, and therefore I must beg Eryximachus not to make fun or to find any allusion in what I am saying to Pausanias and Agathon, who, as I suspect, are both of the manly nature, and belong to the class which I have been describing. But my words have a wider application-they include men and women everywhere; and I believe that if our loves were perfectly accomplished, and each one returning to his primeval nature had his original true love, then our race would be happy. And if this would be best of all, the best in the next degree and under present circumstances must be the nearest approach to such an union; and that will be the attainment of a congenial love. Wherefore, if we would praise him who has given to us the benefit, we must praise the god Love, who is our greatest benefactor, both leading us in this life back to our own nature, and giving us high hopes for the future, for he promises that if we are pious, he will restore us to our original state, and heal us and make us happy and blessed. This, Eryximachus, is my discourse of love, which, although different to yours, I must beg you to leave unassailed by the shafts of your ridicule, in order that each may have his turn; each, or rather either, for Agathon and Socrates are the only ones left."

Plato, Symposium. Translation by Benjamin Jowett