#i 100% want to be very masculine like from the 40s etc etc

[zeawesomebirdie]

Okay but now that i have a decent enough beard, the desire to just wear skirts and dresses again is low key overwhelming

[3liza]

saw someone talking about "scary dog privilege" on here today and cant find the post again but i guess it refers to when women are bothered less in public when accompanied by a large dog, and bypassing the quibble i have with calling that a privilege, i can absolutely 100% confirm it is true.

i was approached by a 30s-40s single white man wearing the Dipshit Uniform (guy in a baseball cap who looks like he drives an f-150 and has voting opinions i would not agree with) on the street the other day and all he had to talk about was Churchgrim. that he was VERY large, looked like a good boy, obedient, what breed is he, etc. this is the only interaction i get from men in public anymore unless i do not have the dog with me, at which point it goes back to the usual bullshit. however it has to be an actual scary-looking dog and you have to visibly have control of it. this is not why i got a large dog, it's just a side benefit. it probably has a lot to do with the masculine cultural coding of any large dog breed that isnt a poodle or a sight hound more than it does the actual violence potential of the dog, but those two things are related. notably, not a SINGLE man has tried to mansplain dog care or handling to me for five years. not one. i cant explain this because its not like being visible capable at a task or skill will stop them in any other circumstance, including when you are holding a literal firearm.

i remember reading some stupid op-ed from some idiot woman who got a dog "for protection" on her jogs and was baffled when men were not intimidated by her golden fucking retriever (although they should have been; goldens bite a lot, statistically, probably explicitly because people do not take them seriously)

the fact that men's body language and tone of voice has changed so drastically from before when i had a 90lbs black shepherd mix standing next to me is pretty damning tbh. all people both intentionally and unintentionally modulate their communication styles around that type of dog to display respect, interest, or fear, experienced dog people can be identified instantly by their comfort and confidence with the dog, and people with dog phobia are the opposite. the dog instinctively puts himself between me and approaching strangers, probably not out of a defensive instinct in grim's case but because strangers are interesting and he wants to be closer to the object of interest, but the physical barrier this creates is a great benefit to me.

specifically, men talk to me much much much more like they are speaking to another man when the dog is there. part of that is men are often genuinely interested in knowing information about a large dog of grim's type and are not using the dog as an excuse to flirt with or harass me. grim has a phenotype that is familiar to certain experiences within the united states as a "porch dog" or "yard dog" or "farm dog" that everyone who has lived in rural areas has usually known or owned a few notable examples of, and thats a general class of dog that tends to be good at listening and responding to humans and has a lot of opportunities to display intelligence or good judgment, so people with rural experience tend to associate him with good memories. he's also "handsome" in the dog sense because he got to keep his balls until he was 3, on the advice of his vet, and as a result he developed nice-looking musculature and a big thick neck which you dont get on city dogs much. he gets a lot of positive attention from older ladies as well, who you'd think would be afraid of being knocked over, but who are always just besotted with him for reasons i havent quite figured out yet. maybe they like seeing a youngish woman with a dog like this, i know that i feel good and happy when i see younger women and girls in situations where they seem safe or protected to me. i think to myself, "i don't have to worry about her" and i feel relief. observing young women and girls often triggers anxiety for women who are even just a few years older than they are, out of pure empathy. its one reason it's so important to be kind to younger people than you are.

anyway it's damning to the men because of course men don't think rationally that the dog would understand and be offended or angry if they sexually harassed or disrespected me. but they are still on their best behavior because the dog is an implicit threat that i can defend myself. and perhaps not only did they have nothing real to discuss with me before now because they assumed we had nothing in common and that i was an idiot or not human, but they are watching themselves carefully to only express normal human civility. i dont get that from random men without the dog. mostly (not entirely but mostly) i get either casual disrespect/disregard, or outright sexual harassment. when i was younger and less experienced with men and had fewer cycles of these interactions, i was completely unaware of how disrespectful these approaches or comments were, which is the interpretation i can see less-experienced women making now, even if they're my age. and when i was 20, my 30 year old friends seemed pathologically misandrist and defensive to me. it was purely the difference in our actual mileage. that sucks man. wish we could just be normal around people and not have to expect the worst constantly.

anyway, good dog

[instantbreplay]

Please, welcome Avril's nurse companion and legal guardian the world of Twisted Wonderland! Chiyu Tadashi, the nurse of Night Raven College!

Fun fact about his creation, I went to my local Daiso one day to grab some stuff, and they had this Baymax drawstring which I purchased because I didn't need it...but I wanted it, and so because of that bag I made Chiyu which is the dumbest piece of inspiration but hey...We got a pretty doctor so I'm not complaining. When I drew him, I was so happy with it, including the eyes which were magnificent! I always pictured him with red and purple eyes and those colors complimented each other so well for him. I didn't need the white light in the eyes you would see in anime because of the yellow with the add mode in them...funny enough Chiyu took 40 hours while Avril took almost 100 hours to complete.

I also experimented with Chiyu's design and got three versions of him. The first one above is the current Chiyu.

This one is of Chiyu if he had his original hair color (no, Chiyu's hair wasn't white at first, but his eyes have always been red and purple, just without that futuristic pupil design).

And this one is of Chiyu on "Idle."

Soon, I have to make a chart about who Chiyu was inspiration and twisted from, but I forgot that I had this one for Avril along with explanations as to why these characters made up her design choices!

To explain:

Bobble — Avril has the knowledge and experience with mechanics, but she—like Bobble—has a huge fascination with creating new things and will teach another about it hence apart of the reason why she started the Mechanics club. She was also designed after Bobble with her red hair, doe eyes, and large circular glasses.

Tinkerbell — The foundation of Avril really since Avril gained her passion for mechanics and engineering at a very young age. However, like Tinkerbell, she has a temper and can glow red when angered, and during her journey of self-discovery, she tried many different talents that only landed as “hobbies” to impress with people or factual knowledge. Unlike Tinkerbell, she fully embraced her interest in building and repairing once she discovered it as "her wings".

Bakugo — As delicate and kind as she seems, Avril has a nasty attitude and is cocky about her physical skills, always fighting with others who look in her direction. She would get into someone’s face and start insulting them if they try to slink away from her when they started the commotion. She also gets angry when someone undermines her intelligence and skills. However, similar to Bakugo, Avril is very combat intelligent and understands an opponent’s patterns as well as picking up skills quickly, making her a great asset to the party.

Tatsu — The way she speaks: like Tatsu, Avril sounds like a delinquent, using slang in all of her sentences which makes her sound uneducated. In Japanese, it could be theorized that she would use more masculine grammar and slang rather than feminine grammar. For example, she would use “boku” when addressing herself, and she wouldn’t use honorifics when addressing others like “-kun” or “-senpai” which explains why she never calls Chiyu “Nurse Tadashi” but rather by his first name. In English, she would sound more gruff, resembling a male tone of voice.

Fun Fact: The Astor Family has an idiom about finding one's passion which is based on a line from the 2008 Tinkerbell movie's song, "Fly to Your Heart" by Selena Gomez—"If you believe, you'll find your wings". This is the very foundation of the family as Astors are intelligent when learning new things such as gardening or politics or sports pr music, etc. However, it is impossible for them to forget what they have learned so they keep whatever doesn't interest them as "hobbies" to entertain themselves or use as conversation starters when meetng someone new.

[selchwife]

rant about het shit under the cut ig

part of me wants to stop being SUCH a hater about these fics ive read btw like. im beginning to realize a lot of this is ocd, but when something gets me irritated or angry it's difficult for me to leave it alone in that like, if i don't continue to engage with it (effectively doomscroll 90% of the time) i experience this mounting anxiety until i satisfy the compulsion to Continue Looking At It. i could not really tell you why i feel this way. but it sucks. bc i get stuck in these loops of like staring at writing that makes me mad or authors' social media that makes me mad and it's like, Why am i doing this this is deranged and weird (the compulsions is why).

i think part of why it gets to me so much is like. maybe this sounds silly but bc so many of the people i interact with are also queer and very conscious about heteronormativity i am very comfortable a lot of the time. and i've had decent luck in being involved in hobby activities and fandoms that are similar; selfshippers are overwhelmingly lgbt, FL as a source material is very queer-positive and thus so are many fans, etc etc.

so like. getting back into ffxiv and encountering this kind of very very intense heteronormativity and like, implicit homophobia, i was kind of shocked? it's not that i'm not conscious it doesn't exist, like, i grew up in the fucking midwest, of course i've had to deal with homophobia. more that like, it was such a big thing in a space where i'd kind of expected to feel safe on that front, especially in terms of fandom for emet specifically given that as i've said he's very obviously gender-nonconforming in appearance and mannerism and dress beyond the dictates of genre convention (even if part of that is homophobic queercoding).

like it's one thing to encounter homophobia in your workplace when everyone there is a 40+ year old conservative from a town where there are frequent commercials for agricultural pesticides on television. like yeah, of course you're homophobic, you live here in this cornfield-blasted hellhole, so i get it. but like. From a bunch of fellow video game dorks who like the same flamer as i do? that one kind of stings. and especially when you feel like because you're gay your input is kind of unwanted or regarded as sort of a damper on all the fun within that space. idk. it just is rough. i've never fit in in Real Life and have long made my peace with it because i just don't live in the right location for someone like me, but it sucks to seek out like-minded people and still get left out, i guess.

and for a long time i'd never really thought about how homophobia has affected me. like with a lot of things i just kind of ignored it or bottled it up or minimized it because i thought "well that's just the price of entry! haha it doesn't get to me! fuck those losers!" and like. idk. being in this space all of a sudden where such a high value is put on like, how much more legitimate it is to be straight, it hurts. like that's how i feel when people make emet more masculine or when they import these really highly gendered narratives and ideas into the story and create these characters who are so effortlessly and perfectly feminine and then acting like the value and legitimacy of the relationship rests on how well emet and wol perform cishet ideas of manhood and womanhood respectively, and that anything otherwise is just unconscionable and gross, like. man! it really opened the floodgates and made me realize i've been dealing with a lifetime of fucking baggage about all this and it actually does hurt a lot to be viewed as disgusting and less than legitimate and this shit is 100% why i grew up ashamed of liking boys and thinking it was something wrong that i'd done.

so like it's hard for me to look away from it and put it down and not keep picking at the scab bc like. idk. i'm at the point with all this where i feel like if i just keep picking this stuff up and turning it all around one day something will click in my head and i'll stop wanting people like this to make provisions for me or stop being disgusted by me. like i am very frustrated that i still want this sort of approval, to be seen as legitimate by society or even just by the subsection of ffxiv fandom that writes like this. i know i'll never get it and that people this married to such conceptions of gender are never in their lives going to stop being grossed out by me or my interest in other men. it's just like, fuck! idk!

i think sometimes about how like, when i was a kid my dad used to think it was funny to insult people by saying they were gay or just outright calling them fags and faggots, and like, how uncomfortable and scared it used to make me when i was figuring out i wasn't cis and straight (there were a lot of labels, the specifics aren't important). it really sucked, it was awful and scary because he was such a violent capricious jerk. i think about having to grow up seeing the wbc protests and "GOD HATES FAGS" on tv all the time, and other kids talking about how if they found out their friend was gay they'd beat the shit out of him in high school. actively, "i am demeaning gay people in front of you in class" level homophobic teachers. i used to cringe at fag and faggot every time i read them and feel my stomach drop like i was being punched. emet being so like, loudly and admirably GNC and out there and me feeling like he would use those words as a point of pride helped me overcome all that and make it way less painful and make me feel way more comfortable with myself.

people in this fandom only like emet if they can make him as conventionally masculine as possible. all that stuff that helped me feel better about myself is so ugly and gross to them that they have to erase it entirely in order to enjoy him. it really feels like the worst kind of slap in the face, to me. so i guess that's part of why i can't let it go, too.

[quilloftheclouds]

100 OC Questions

Uh. I got bored again and made another ask game! Pick an oc, or I’ll pick randomly. This one has 100 questions so you can nice and neatly use a d100 to choose what numbers to send in, if you want~

And since writeblr is a community, I would truly appreciate it if you sent an ask to whoever you’re reblogging this from! (Even if you don’t know them very well---it’s really the polite thing to do.)

1. What common traits do you share with your oc? What about them is the least like you? 2. Do you think you would get along with your oc if you could meet them? What things would you talk about? 3. How competent would your oc be in a survival situation? Would they be better off on their own or in a group? 4. Is your oc a daredevil, or more of a scaredy cat? What is the most daring thing they’ve done in their life? 5. What is your oc’s patience like? When waiting for something, are they able to sit still or do they fidget? How do they fidget? 6. How much thought does your oc put into what they wear/look like? Any reason why? 7. Does your oc collect anything? What about of knowledge or facts? How big is their collection? 8. What kind of flavours does your oc like? How much spice can they handle? 9. How easily does your oc trust others? Any particular reason why? How trustworthy are they themselves? 10. What are some of your oc’s pet peeves? How do they handle it when the annoyance doesn’t stop? 11. Does your oc have a good sense of direction? Do they get lost easily? 12. How well would your oc handle being placed in a leadership position? 13. What is your oc’s confidence like? Are they self-confident to the point of being arrogant? Are they terribly self-deprecating? 14. What is your oc’s speech like? How loud are they usually? Do they have an accent or a stutter? 15. What is your oc’s memory like? Do they remember certain things better than others? Do they have any strategies to better remember things? 16. How affectionate is your oc? How do they convey their affection? By being touchy, or through more subtle ways? 17. How polite is your oc? Do they know how to act in a formal situation? How would they *actually* act in a formal situation? 18. How physically strong is your oc? Is their agility or endurance better? 19. What is your oc’s creative skillset? Music, drawing, writing, dancing, etc.? Or are they lacking creativity entirely? 20. Does your oc have any favourite games to pass the time? What other hobbies do they have? 21. Is your oc expressive, or would they rather conceal their emotions? What are their typical expressions like? 22. How easily does your oc fare in the sun? Do they tan or burn easily? Are they completely unaffected? 23. How graceful is your oc? Are they elegant in their movements, or more clumsy? 24. Is your oc a romantic, or are they grossed out by the simple mention of anything romantic? 25. How stubborn is your oc? Are they open to considering different options or opinions, or are they more closed off? 26. How does your oc sleep? Do they move around a lot? What position does your oc normally sleep in? What are their typical bedding arrangements like? 27. What is your oc’s sleep schedule like? Are they a night owl, an early morning riser, or do they get any sleep at all? 28. How organized is your oc? How important is organization to your oc? 29. If a perfume was to be made to represent your oc, what sorts of smells would be included in it? 30. How caring/empathetic is your oc? Are they the type to immediately adopt and protect others, or are they a true sadist? 31. What inspired the creation of your oc? Any specific things, a general aesthetic or idea, or something completely random? 32. How judgemental is your oc? Do they keep an open mind about people, or are they the type to judge a book by its cover? 33. What five objects or things could be expected to be found on your oc’s person at any time? Why? 34. Does your oc have a pet? If they could have another one or if they were to get one, what would it be? How well could they care for it? 35. Does your oc have any distinguishing markings? Scars, tattoos, birthmarks, freckles, etc? 36. What is your oc’s fight or flight response like? What sorts of things provoke it the most? 37. How does your oc handle heavy stress? Do they have any specific coping mechanisms? Are they healthy or not? 38. What does your oc do to relax? Any specific activities? Why? 39. Does your oc have any nicknames? What are the origins of them? If they don’t, can you come up with some possible ones? 40. What languages does your oc know? Are there any they want to learn but haven’t had the chance to? How good are they at picking up new ones? 41. What was the worst injury your oc ever suffered? Has it had any long lasting impact on them? 42. Is your oc an optimist or a pessimist? Any particular reason why? 43. How important are the rules to your oc? Do they follow them to a t, or do they enjoy breaking them? 44. How violent is your oc? Or are they more a pacifist? To what lengths will they go to start/avoid a conflict? 45. How is your oc around animals? What about children? 46. Does your oc lie a lot, or is the truth very important to them? What is their reaction to other people lying to them? 47. How much of a prankster is your oc? Are their pranks truly evil, or more harmless, positive ones? 48. What are your oc’s nervous tics? Are they aware of them? Do they attempt to hide them? 49. What would be the perfect gift for your oc? What would be their reaction to receiving it? 50. How attentive is your oc? How perceptive are they? How easily do they get distracted? 51. If your oc was to receive an award for something, what would it most likely be for? Have they received any awards in the past? 52. In what ways does your oc cope with anger? How easily angered are they? Do they lash out? 53. If your oc was to host a podcast or TV show, what would it be about? Would your oc actually be good at it? What sorts of guests would appear? 54. How would you describe your oc’s voice to sound like? Do you have any voice claims for them? 55. How sensitive to loud sound is your oc? Do they prefer constant high background noise, low background noise, or complete silence? 56. What is your oc’s favourite colour? If you had to choose one colour to represent your oc, what would it be and why? 57. How good is your oc’s sight? Do they wear glasses? Do they need glasses? Do they have some form of night vision? 58. How would you describe your oc’s appearance to someone who’s looking for them? What features would be most identifiable? 59. How good at cooking is your oc? What can they cook/what is their favourite thing to cook? 60. How good is your oc at keeping track of time? Are they always late, always early, or always right on time? 61. Is your oc more quick-thinking, or do they take longer to figure things out? 62. How quick is your oc? Do they have faster or slower reflexes? What things are they quickest at? 63. How self-disciplined is your oc? Do they often think before they act, or the other way around? 64. Which of the seven deadly sins does your oc fall under most? What about the seven heavenly virtues? 65. If you were to give your oc a new superpower, what would you choose and why? If *they* were to be able to choose, what would it be and why? 66. What sort of advice would people go to your oc for? What sort of advice is your oc actually good at giving? 67. How many people does your oc prefer to be around? A crowd, a few friends, or all on their own? 68. What sorts of things would cheer your oc up when they’re down? Is your oc sad often, or is it more rare? 69. How energetic is your oc? Are they constantly tired, or constantly bouncing off the walls? 70. What about your oc’s lifestyle would they change if they had the ability? Why? 71. What is your oc’s go-to for offense? What weapon, what style of fighting? Or are words more their weapon of choice? 72. What is your oc’s ideal environment like? Urban or natural? Fancy or rustic? What’s the weather like? 73. If your oc were to be arrested, what would it most likely be for? Is it justified? Have they actually been arrested before? 74. How would your oc act when drunk? What about when really, really tired? 75. What would your oc’s dream home be like? How big would it be? What sorts of rooms would be in it? Where would it be located? 76. What is/was your oc’s relationship with their family like? Was it happy, tense, or abusive? What living family does your oc currently have, if any? 77. Does your oc like to wear any particular accessories? Hats, jewelry, scarves, etc.? 78. How socially skilled is your oc? Are they good at understanding social cues? How charismatic are they? 79. For what reason would your oc turn into a villain? And if they’re already a villain, vice-versa? 80. What is your oc’s handwriting like? How easy to read is it? Can they write/read cursive? 81. How good is your oc at drawing? What is their preferred art medium, and what is their artstyle like? 82. What would be your oc’s ultimate dream vacation? Where would they go? Who would they take with them? What would they do? 83. What is your oc’s favourite trait about themselves? What about their least liked? What would others like and dislike the most about your oc? 84. Is your oc more masculine, feminine, androgynous, or something else entirely? 85. What would history remember your oc for? How would they become famous? Or are they the sort that would really only be appreciated long after their death? 86. What would someone assume about your oc based on their appearance? Would those assumptions be correct? 87. What are some of your oc’s physical weak spots? What about emotional/moral ones? 88. Does your oc hold grudges? For how long? Does your oc have any rivals? 89. What does your oc’s laugh sound like? How often do they laugh? Are they easily amused? 90. Does your oc have any objects they could never give up? Why is it so important to them? Do they have any family heirlooms? 91. What is your oc’s typical posture like? Do they slouch, or stand straight? How much space do they usually take up, both physically and figuratively? 92. What trait does your oc appreciate or admire the most in others? Why? 93. What is your oc’s preferred learning style? Observation, hands-on, instruction? Do they take notes or memorize? 94. Does your oc rely more on a logical or emotional mindset? What situations would this be the opposite? 95. How is your oc about keeping someone else’s secret? Are they the gossiping type, are do they hold true on their promise to keep things quiet? 96. Describe your oc in three words. What three words would they use to describe themselves? 97. How old is your oc physically? How old are they in mental maturity? When are they most mature, and when are they the least? 98. Is your oc the type to have a lot of fairly good friends, have a small group of close friends, have one or two best friends, or have no friends at all? Who are they closest to? 99. What is your oc’s morning routine usually like? What do they eat for breakfast (if they have breakfast)? What time do they usually get up in the morning? 100. Does your character ever swear? How often? How vulgar is their swearing?

[yndigot]

As for Thomas having never been in a space for gay ppl before, I suppose I can maybe reason around it if we consider that he’s from a small town; then he goes to live in a small village w a job where he’s hardly ever free(and any travelling he does do is also on the job); and he’s working class (and iirc most of those bars etc were geared more towards upper class gay ppl) and you could maybe only find these places if you knew what you were looking for. (Also him never having been to a gay bar in his life and possibly not even knowing they existed might also explain why he was so gosh darn bitter all the time lmao; literally no fun time for him at all)

I dig that people want to talk about this! 

I don’t think Thomas grew up in a small town! Mostly because while RJC changes the way Thomas speaks in different contexts, he does NOT change his own (real life) distinctive Manc accent, so I can’t really headcanon Thomas growing up anywhere but Manchester or very Manchester adjacent. That’s not a small town with no access to city life. (We can talk about why Phyllis doesn’t necessarily sound like she grew up down the street from him. That’s another post. I don’t think Thomas would have gone out of his way to acquire such a distinctive Manc accent, though, so it’s more believable to me that Phyllis has done some work to lose her accent, not that Thomas is faking his.)

If you decide to discount the Manchester of it all, then sure, he can be a small town lad who went to live and work at country houses and has spent most of his life in rural, isolated areas. But I still see problems with that.

I’ll actually believe that he never went to gay bar in Manchester because he’s a first footman in Yorkshire by (probably) his early-ish 20s, which means he probably went into service, possibly some distance from Manchester, at some point in his teens. Since he didn’t arrive at Downton until c. 1910, it’s possible he worked at another house as a hall boy before then. Relatively young. Especially if he was working at another country house, he probably wasn’t going to gay bars on his half day. I’ll also believe that he didn’t know there were gay bars in York because it’s a MUCH smaller city than Manchester, which I think probably makes the gay scene smaller and harder to find, and tbh, if he knew it was there, you’re right -- he wouldn’t have been so miserable. So. He didn’t know about queer spaces where he grew up, and he doesn’t know about them where he lives now. I’m with you so far.

But at least before the war,* he didn���t spend the full year at a country house in rural Yorkshire. He went up to London for the season with the Crawleys. Including one season where he was sneaking around with the Duke. He had all of gay London at his fingertips and never realised it was there? At all? Not even the Duke clued him in? The Duke definitely had access to the higher class places you mentioned. He didn’t even tell Thomas such places existed? Never took him there as a sort of pet? Also, Thomas has clearly been to disreputable clubs before since he knows exactly what sort of scam Dekner is running with Andy. He’s comfortable getting around London and socialising in his (admittedly limited) free time while working for the family. He never found his way to queer spaces?

Grantham House is in St. James’s Square, which is in the West End and VERY close to major queer hubs. He never saw anyone and clocked them? And maybe followed to see where they were going? He never went cruising? No one he hooked up with ever clued in him to places where queer men socialised? I mean, I know I’ve commented in other places about how Thomas is not always good at picking up signals, but I feel like he couldn’t possibly miss ALL of that. (tbh I feel like this is discounting the number of queer men in service generally before the war as well -- when they’re all in the city for the season, he never talks to these other men and none of them clue him in?)

And we’ve got this passage in Matt Houlbook’s Queer London.

The most distinctive venues were in working-class neighborhoods in east and south London -- dockside pubs like the Prospect of Whitby (Wapping Stairs) or Charlie Brown’s--(West India Dock Road). Dock laborers, sailors from across the world, and families mingled freely with flamboyant local queans and slumming gentlemen in a protean milieu where queer men and casual homosexual encounters were an accepted part of everyday life.

Okay, so admittedly, idk that Thomas was dragging himself out to east or south London in the little free time he had in London. And while there were definitely working-class places for queer men, they do seem to be less nightclubs with bands playing and more pubs and coffee shops and cruising venues where men tried to project a very masculine image, and also places where working class pretty boys would congregate and middle class trade would come to pick them up. Maybe he’s just shocked by the open dancing. (This is my generous interpretation of the movie -- that he’s shocked specifically about the fact that it’s a night club and it’s in York, and that ‘I don’t know men like me’ is a statement about his isolation, not about him literally not knowing where he could get laid, if not in York, then certainly in a bigger city.)

Anyway, working class spaces did exist! He seems so shocked not just by the open dancing, but by the idea that a large number of queer men are gathering, and I can’t imagine he’s never realised that queer spaces exist before or that he’s never spent time in them. I just ... have a hard time imagining he’s that sheltered and clueless. There have been chances for him to be exposed to queer spaces, if not ones exactly like the one we see in the movie.

It made for a very sweet moment when he stepped into that club and his face lit up. RJC did an excellent job. I don’t think Julian’s plotting around Thomas’s previous exposure to other queer people makes a lot of sense, though. I fully believe that he doesn’t have queer friends near Downton -- that maybe he’s never really made queer friends that he keeps in touch with (rather than casual encounters that immediately pass out of his life), and so he probably feels very isolated from gay life where he’s living now. I’m sure that contributed to his depression. I tend to think he may have had an extended period of celibacy, possibly since before his crush on Jimmy, which, again, probably contributed to his isolation and depression. I just think pre-war Thomas had to have been exposed to more than the movie suggests.

I’m not discouraging anyone from writing small-town, wide-eyed Thomas if that appeals to you. It’s just 100% not in line with what I felt we got in the 6 series that led up to that movie. To me, it doesn’t feel like it matches the set up from the show. I came out of the movie thinking that Thomas and Richard were very sweet, but wondering how, given what we’d seen of him previously, Thomas had made it to nearly 40, managed to fuck a Duke, comfortably navigated seedy London, possibly(?) knew he was getting cruised at a bar, and still seemed surprised not just that such a place existed in York, but seemingly that such places existed at all. (If he didn’t know he was getting cruised, idk what to do with him, tbh. I do think he realised that Chris was interested in him, though. He was surprised, but he knew what was going on.)

YMMV. I’m not mad about people having very different takes to mine. It just didn’t really work for me. I preferred the more knowing Thomas from earlier on. Does that have to do with the tens of thousands of words I’d written of him being more knowing and worldly about queer spaces before the movie came out? Possibly. That definitely made it harder for me to see him seem so sheltered. If I wasn’t already annoyed with Julian’s approach to Thomas at various points in the series, maybe that also would have made me more willing to buy in.

*I know they went down to London from time to time after the war -- I honestly can’t remember if they were still regularly participating in ‘the season’ after it started to decline as a central part of the social calendar, although I know they did at least do Rose’s season. Maybe they were still doing it every year. Someone’s free to let me know.

(Also this is very quick and messy, sorry.)

[queerlytical]

Unpacking my aversion to cis-het men - 08/12/2020

This is going to be a long one.  One I’m quite nervous about posting about even when I’m here anonymously!

Will probably refer to cis-het men as men/guys generally in this post btw. & the ex I refer to here is a guy I was with for 5 years which was an emotionally abusive relationship. 

I’ve recently started to challenge my feelings towards cis-het men.  Accepting that I have the judgement that all men are basically weak minded by not challenging society as it is (and therefore accepting of all the oppression), and are desperately affected by toxic masculinity.  

A small part of my brain knows that’s not true.  I have a couple of cis-het male friends who I love and are clearly not like that.  But when I think “what would be the problem if I ended up with a man in the future?” the other part of my brain immediately shuts the idea down like “why would you do such a thing?! you only like women, end of story”.  Thinking that the guys  who are open minded and unpacking their own priveleges/opinions etc. are so few and far between there is probably none left out there for me to meet.  

So I decided to challenge this notion.  And perhaps there is some underlying internal homophobia conflicting with these thoughts at the same time like “if I just gave men a chance.” or “it would be so much easier to just find a guy who is interested in me” (there is a lot underlying that quote tho - not that many wlw in my area, my personal feelings towards myself as to how cis-het men perceive me).

Along with challenging this notion, I have basically been craving to be dominated and penetrated in the bedroom, with no particular strings attached.  The people I’ve slept with this year weren’t great experiences and I just wanted someone to push me around and top me.  I know there are women who would gladly do that but the women I tend to date haven’t been like that and I’ve always been more of the top than the bottom.  I have never entertained a guy for sex where I have decided for myself that this is what’s going to happen, I’ve always been pursuaded into it (I didn’t learn about consent until the last couple of years, clearly). I wanted to feel that control.  I wanted to be the one to say, I’ve decided this this time.  And to see, how I would actually feel given that this was something I wanted and not sort of forced onto me.

I changed my Bumble search to include “everyone”.  Note that I had also ran out of women in my search radius by this stage so it was just men coming up now.  It was interesting.  I noticed that there are a lot of guy profiles that are basically the same - “where can you be found after work? the gym” or “what do you quote too much from? the office, US”.  Literally after swiping for about 10 minutes I could have written the exact same profile as like 40% of these profiles I was now faced with.  

I obviously ended up swiping left for the majority of guy profiles.  I paid more attention to the men who had kind eyes, nice smiles, beards (I love a beard strangely enough), and anything interesting in their profile.  I struggled to swipe right on white men in particular. I think this makes sense due to:

 my ex being white and racist (and I have a tendency to want to get as far as possible from this particular ex), 

a close friend who was my only white cis-het friend who then turned out to be a racist tory

my dad who is white, racist and homophobic (not terribly but enough to make me uncomfortable to discuss anything with him).  

Plus the general consensus that white cis-het men are the most priveleged in society and they can never understand someone like me, right?  Let alone have done any of the unpacking and learning about their own privilege..  

I matched with a few guys and had brief conversations with them before getting overwhelmed about messaging people on dating apps (happens whenever I can’t keep on top of messaging like more than one person at a time).  There were some okay chats, nothing overly flirty.  Some voicenotes which freaked me out a little, not 100% sure why hearing men’s voices so early after speaking to someone online scares me, but it’s probably because I’m not as comfortable sending voicenotes myself.  

There was a lot of me saying to myself “what am I doing?! LOLOLOL”

I’m going to talk about one of the guys in particular now.  We’ll call him Z.  Z’s profile was very minimal, basically just said “ask if you want to know more”.  But he had a nice face, lovely smile, and his first picture even looked quite feminine in the face - he has super long eyelashes and due to the lockdown hair he was wearing a hairband.  He’s Asian (Sikh) like my two closest friends.  I have spoken to him more than any of the other matches from Bumble.  We don’t really talk much of substance.  I told him I’m “basically a lesbian” quite early on  and he told me he’d been healing from a long relationship and was now “ready to have some fun”.  He didn’t seem particularly phased that I was into women, didn’t say anything cringey like “don’t worry, I’ll turn you” (which is what I used to get when I was younger).  This pushed the conversations in a direction where it was kind of agreed that this was all a bit of fun - flirty, sexual.  

My first experience with a guy being interested me back in high school eventually turned into a FWB situation so this type of relationship I am used to and basically expect from men..  I’m not particularly bother by this atm but might unpack this some more at some point.   

Anyway, as me and Z are just having some fun, I’ve not been vulnerable or told him much about things I care about - I don’t even think he knows my full name. It has actually been a breath of fresh air when I’ve been with people who are too intense for me throughout my dating life.  He is very much the kind of person I would never usually interact with too- likes and plays football, hangs with a group of “lads”.  I don’t think we have anything in common yet we still manage to chat (albeit with gaps of many hours in between some messages).

What did interest me about Z quite early on in our conversations is that he never said the word “girls”, always “women”.  I pointed this out to him and he confirmed he did that on purpose because he wouldn’t want to be referred to as a “boy” and that women deserve the same language used when referencing grown ass women.  This sticks in my mind as it definitely broke down one of my mental barriers around men not being able to understand “what’s the big deal”.  I think that’s probably why I’ve managed to speak to him for as long as we have.  Later on he also mentioned that people “can’t be fat shaming” which surprised me even more.  (Does my brain think cis-het men live under a rock or something?!).

We’ve been speaking 3 weeks at this stage.  We agreed to meet this weekend.  We ended up delaying it from Sunday to last night (Monday) because he was tired from a busy weekend and “wanted to give me the full experience”.  Surprisingly this didn’t make me super cringe.  I think I was probably more relieved to delay it another day as I was pretty nervous about how it would go, my head overthinking like - what if we have nothing to talk about? what if he comes all this way and I change my mind (as I am of course allowed to)? what if he’s a catfish and hurts me? etc. etc.  I don’t overthink this much when I date women.

So he was on his way.  I was running in circles getting ready like “WHAT AM I DOING?!!!”.  I had some rum to take the edge off and played the piano anxiously while he was on the way as something to take my mind off thinking about what was about to happen.

He arrived.  He was who he said he was.  He was the person who was in his pictures.  He was slightly slimmer than I expected but that was just the angles that his pictures were taken in.  It wasn’t awkward.  I poured us a drink and we sat on the sofa and chatted for a couple of hours.  He talked a lot, I hardly got a word in edgeways.  I didn’t mind as it put me at ease that there was no awkward silences. 

We finished our drinks.  I hadn’t left the heating on in my lounge so it had gotten quite cold..  I got closer to him.  Then we kissed.  It was nice.  I love kissing anyone who’s a good kisser no matter their gender. The excitement of the whole situation turned me on and we took it to my bedroom.

I struggled to look at him naked although when I did, I didn’t feel strange like I thought I would.  Obviously there is nothing wrong with the male form, I just haven’t seen a dude naked in my bedroom for years and when I was younger I used to tell myself I had phallophobia..  The sex was pretty much what I was looking for.  He didn’t bring a condom though which didn’t annoy me loads in the moment, despite him saying “I prefer without but ok” to which I replied “I don’t know where you’ve been” *eye roll*.  I thankfully had my own condoms (my stash usually for making dental dams, yno) but after I was kind of thinking to myself like “who the fuck goes to have casual sex with someone and doesn’t bring a condom when they have a penis?!”. I didn’t even let my ex bare-back me let alone some random dude.  

Anyway, I did it.  Consensual sex was better than any sex I had with my ex (not surprising).  He didn’t make me climax but it felt good (sex isn’t goal orientated for me but I know it was for him, as I assume it is with most men).  We held each other and chatted naked for a while after.  I think he wanted round 2 but I’m not sure I could have handled it.  He left relatively promptly after and I felt.. content.

I think I got what I wanted out of the experience.  It definitely boosted my confidence.  I’m not sure if I’ll see him again yet.  I definitely still feel very queer and mostly into women, I missed boobs a lot (like what do het-women hold onto?).

Part of me is like “okay next step is to see what it would be like to go on a romantic date with a guy” - something I have never ever done.  I don’t think I’ve been interested in it in the past (since growing up that is).  I can’t even imagine what it would be like because I would probably just treat them as my friend and have no clue how to flirt (if I even wanted to flirt).  But there are many conflicting thoughts about dating men romantically - what if it’s a success?  I’d end up feeling disowned by my new queer friends or judged by them, or what if I hurt someone?  how will dating guys impact how I feel about my own queerness??  I just settled back into my queer identity and now it feels I’m going backwards again.

I am definitely enjoying this new side to me that doesn’t take dating seriously and being comfortable that I don’t want a relationship right now and that’s okay!  I am continually learning about myself and trying to breakdown my own barriers so I can be my most true authentic self.  I’m having fun, and doing what’s best for me.  Which is a complete u-turn on the person I was less than a few years ago who just wanted to please everyone and was so depressed and burnt out doing so.

[things2mustdo]

The events of recent weeks have proven that it’s not a safe world for masculine men out there. Now more than ever men should be looking into increasing their personal security. As an IT guy I have been thinking for a solution to the problems men face. Below are measures I can recommend one take to increase his security.

Disclaimer: this guide caters to Windows users, but others can still find value.

1. Install a VPN

VPN stands for Virtual Private Network. To understand what a VPN does, first you must understand what an IP is. IP is something like a computer passport number. Each electronic device has it’s own IP address. Websites register your IP when you use them—this makes it easy to find your location, your device, and therefore your identity. A VPN makes it so when you connect to a website you first go through the VPN server. So when you connect to a website instead of seeing your computer IP it shows the IP the VPN provides you. Roosh recently wrote on VPNs.

Example (manually changing IP):

The problem here relies on the credibility of the VPN provider. Many VPN providers register your activity and can then hand it to a government organization if they so demand. Even VPNs that promised not to do this, broke their promise. There is an agreement between the Anglo-speaking countries that affects VPN users. The government can ask the provider for your data, and there is nothing your provider can do to not give it to them.

These countries are referred to as 5 eyes. Currently, similar agreements are being done with other countries, referred to as the 14 eyes: United Kingdom, United States, Australia, Canada, New Zealand, Denmark, France, the Netherlands, Norway, Germany, Belgium, Italy, Spain, Sweden

Definitely get a paid VPN. Free VPNs are not an answer, they most likely register some info on you and are slow. After some research on VPN providers I have found some VPN proviers that are outside the 14 eyes, use encryption, accept Bitcoin, support OpenVPN and have a no logging policy and an overall good reputation.

Here are my findings: blackVPN (Hong Kong, 25 servers, 100 dollars a year), Cryptostorm (Iceland, 13 servers, 52 dollars a year), HIDEme (Malaysia, 85 servers, 65 dollars a year), NordVPN (Panama, 52 servers, 48 dollars a year), Perfect Privacy (Panama, 40 servers, 150 dollars a year), Privatoria (Czech Republic, 12 servers, 23 dollars a year).

One VPN provider attracted my attention particularily, that being BolehVPN, since it is one of the only two providers that offers Tor to VPN alongside VPN to Tor (the other one being AirVPN, which is based in Italy, therefore part of 14 eyes), so if you want that particular set-up, check it out.

Make sure to check the VPN provider’s canary. It is a document that confirms that the VPN provider was not touched by the government. It should be updated every month, if it isn’t unsubscribe. Example.

How to increase VPN security

1) Pay with untraceable money

Sign up for an anonymous e-mail account using Tor and use a Bitcoin Mixer to send Bitcoins to a newly generated address in your local wallet. Alternatively, use the Bitcoin-OTC to purchase Bitcoins ‘over the counter’ from a person, rather than an exchange. Then, use a patched Bitcoin client, such as coderrr’s anonymity patch to avoid linking the newly generated address to any of your pre-existing Bitcoin addresses. —Andrew, Private Internet Access.

2) Make sure you don’t disconnect from VPN and prevent DNS leaks

Use the pro version of VPNCheck to automatically disconnect from internet when losing connection to VPN and to prevent DNS leaks. Or search for the manual way of doing it

3) Use multiple VPNs

Another measure to consider is using two or more VPNs. Basically activate one VPN first, then another one, done.

4) Resolve the PPTP IPv6 VPN flaw

Not likely to affect everyone. PPTP is the weakest VPN protocol and if you use one of the VPNs I mentioned before you will likely use a better protocol, but for those who do, there is a possible flaw that you can correct like this—for Windows Vista and above: Open cmd prompt and type: netsh interface teredo set state disabled.

5) Secure your router

Here’s a guide.

2. Install an antivirus

There are three tiers of antiviruses: antivirus sofwtare, internet suite and premium security suites. Read about them here. At minimum use Microsoft Security Essentials (free software from Microsoft), though paid antiviruses (such as Bitdefender, Kaspersky, etc.) are better.

3. Use Tor and TailsOS for safe web browsing

Many popular browsers are not highest ranked in regards to keeping your anonymity. For example, while Chrome is theoretically secure from spyware and adware, their stance on privacy can be summarized as follows:

He went on, speaking about the future of search. With your permission you give us more information about you, about your friends, and we can improve the quality of our searches. We don’t need you to type at all. We know where you are. We know where you’ve been. We can more or less know what you’re thinking about.

There are factors one must be careful of: cookies, encryption (https), tracking ads, javascript exploits, canvas fingerprinting and others. A writeup on these would take a long time so research them on your own if you wish. I will just mention browsers that avoids these issues.

USE SAFE SEARCH ENGINE

Instead of using the google search engine use disconnect.me installed into Tor (or install as extension into Firefox)

TOR BROWSER

Tor Browser is an internet browser designed for online anonymity. It is a modified version of Firefox with add-ons pre-installed. Tor works somewhat similar to the VPN concept. Before connecting to a website you go through “nodes”. Which are private stations, each with its own IP. So instead of showing your IP, it will show the IP of the last node you traveled through.

The downside of Tor is that it is slow, due to the fact that it works thanks to enthusiastic individuals. Tor is not for casual usage, but specifically for privacy needs, particularly posting online or searching the deep web.

Tor has some weaknesses you must be aware of:

First

Oftentimes when you are using a network, the network provider can’t see what you are browsing, but they can see that you are using Tor. You can use things like a bridge obfuscator, obfsproxy, or setting VPN to Tor. This is a complex issue, here is a guide on hiding tor usage from ISP (internet service provider).

Second

The trustworthiness of exit relays. When the government found out about the popularity of Tor they created their own exit nodes, that acted as honey traps. To fight this, use a TailsOS (or booted off a flash stick, DVD or SD card in a public wifi spot, like a coffee shop). That way even if the final node was a trap, it would only lead to your TailsOS profile, not your general one. Check so the public wifi spot you are using has no cameras around, so they will not be able to check camera footage of who used a laptop in that particular time frame. Don’t forget to log off when finished. Alternatively, use Tor to VPN.

Third

Often many programs, like torrents, will ignore Tor, even if you manually force them and just connect straight away, thus giving you away. The answer is to not use torrents with Tor. I REPEAT, NO FILE SHARING ON TOR.

There are of course other various vulnerabilities out there. And as a reminder, Silk Road, a large black market was cracked in the past.

COMBINING TOR WITH A VPN

Tor is good on its own but even better when combined with a VPN. There are 2 methods : Tor to VPN, VPN to Tor. Both have their weaknesses. First one allows ISPs to see you use Tor, the second does not protect from malicious end relays . VPN to Tor masks your Tor usage, Tor to VPN protects from malicious exit nodes.

I have thought of using VPN to Tor to VPN, which should theoretically accomplish both. For VPN to Tor use a secure VPN provider and add non-Tor traffic to mask usage. For Tor to VPN, pay with anonymized bitcoins and never connect to your VPN without connecting to Tor first.

VPN to Tor:  The Harvard bomb hoaxer was de-anonymized because he was the only one in college using Tor. If he went through a VPN first, he would have been harder to track (assuming his VPN provider did not keep logs).

Tor to VPN: Protects from malicious exit nodes, on the other hand. TailsOS with public wifi accomplishes the same. Of course, either is better than nothing. Which you choose depends on your needs. The only two providers that offer Tor to VPN are AirVPN (based in Italy, so part of 14 eyes, but not the 5 eyes) and BolihVPN.

IF YOU DON’T WANT TO USE TOR

While using Tor is advisable, for casual usage you can set Firefox to be very secure with the help of add-ons and custom settings. Here is a guide.

WEBSITES THAT BAN VPN AND TOR

Certain websites ban Tor (e.g. Imgur). Use an alternative then (e.g. Anonmgur). Otherwise use VPN to Tor. There are VPN providers that cycle IPs, so that helps with VPN IP range bans.

TAILSOS

Windows is not very safe. There have been rumors of NSA backdoors on Windows devices. Supposedly NSA can store almost everything you do online (including Facebook, popular mail providers, and possibly things offline).

There are some good alternatives out there, TailsOs being one of them. TailOS is an operating system specifically designed for security and is Linux based. It can be ran off a USB stick. For those extra paranoid, use Tor in a public space on a laptop with TailsOS loaded of a flash drive.

Of course TailsOS is not very suitable for day to day needs, so use it for shitlord purposes. For your day to day purposes you might have to use Windows, but for the love of god, DO NOT use Windows 10, it is absolutely awful for security.

I prefer Windows 7. If you are more advanced, you can use alternative platforms like Debian or some distro of Linux or whatever. Just beware, many programs for Windows do not have alternatives on Linux based systems. If you are a casual, moving to another platform can be difficult. And if you really are a nerd, then you can look into some exotic setup like Qubes + Whonix or whatever other myriad of OS and Virtual Machines there are around.

4. Other darknet browsers 

I2P network: While Tor is designed to anonymously browse the normal web and onion sites, I2P is a web of it’s own. Preferably to be browsed through Tor. It allows (slow) torrenting and great for messaging, IRC, file sharing, secret websites (.i2p)

Freenet – Freenet is a peer-to-peer platform for censorship-resistant communication.

5. Look into bitcoin and online currency

Bitcoin is virtual currency that has taken the world by storm in recent years. There are other online currencies competing against it, but Bitcoin is the most established online currency. It is the default virtual currency. Bitcoin is not for daily usage, rather online purposes. There are VPN services that accept payment with bitcoin. There are even services that will store physical gold in exchange for bitcoin.

Truly a financial revolution. Unfortunately, it’s also a big headache for tax services. Bitcoin is also infamous for being used to purchase illegal stuff on the internet black market. But you wouldn’t use it for that, would you?

To start using bitcoins just register a bitcoin wallet and you are good to go.

HOW TO INCREASE BITCOIN ANONYMITY

Bitcoins are not anonymous by default. They must be washed and anonymized. Buying through Tor + Coin mixing + anonymity patched bitcoin client. Over the counter (OTC) bitcoins are an option as well.

6. Use proper password protection

Never use the same password twice. Try to make it long and contain both characters and numerals, etc. Hint : use L33t, P@ssVV0r|)333. If you can, add non English characters even better, PåSsWøRд0, but you can’t always do it.

If you are unsure, use a safe password generator, such as Master Password To manage passwords use a password manager, such as KeePassX.

7. Use proper mail protection

Use throwaway email to register in most places. Never use your public e-mail to register anywhere controversial like Neomasculintiy affiliated websites.

SAFE MAIL PROVIDERS

For general mail needs, use a mail provider that is focused on security. I found two outside 14 eyes, in Switzerland: ProtonMail (free), NeoMailBox (50$/year, custom domain option ex : george@funny.com, george@customName.com)

Remember to still use personal safety measures, like additional encryption. Never trust 2nd parties with your protection completely.

BECOME AN EMAIL PROVIDER YOURSELF

Another interesting move is to become a provider yourself, in essence create your personal Gmail by turning your PC into a mail server. To do this, use Mail-in-a-box. They have good guide on their site https://mailinabox.email/.

USE A SAFE MAIL CLIENT

A mail client is a program that allows you to manage mail from the cloud by saving it locally, by connecting to the email host, such as Gmail. The default mail client in Windows is Microsoft Outlook (which sucks). I will focus on my preffered mail client setup.

1) Download Thunderbird

2) Install the Enigmail add-on, to allow encryption

3) Install the TorBirdy add-on, to make Thunderbird run through Tor

BEWARE THE LAW

Beware of a law that allows government officials to read any mail hosted online older than 6 months without a warrant. Use an external email client like Thunderbird or Enigmail, download your emails and store them locally. Never leave them on the server.

EMAIL ALTERNATIVES

Look into email alternatives such as : Bitmessage, I2P-Bote, Retroshare

8. Use encryption for messaging

Encryption is the process of making a message unreadable to third parties. Some programs do it for you, manually you can use a program like GPG4win or similar which uses PGP encryption.

The way it works is this :

1) You create your public key.

2) You digitally sign the information with your private key, so when the other side verifies it with their own public key, they can confirm that it is indeed YOUR public key. (WebOfTrust)

3) When someone wants to write to you he encrypts it using the public key you provided, or the other way around.

4) You then use your PRIVATE key to decrypt the message he sent you.

Here is a tutorial:

MOBILE ENCRYPTION

There are encryption possibilities for your phone as well. First, set encryption on your Android device. Second, use an app called Signal

9. Scrub EXIF data of photos you post online

When you take a photo with a particular device, often it registers what device you used to take the photo, when and where it was taken. To avoid this problem, before posting online use an EXIF scrubber. It is a piece of software that deletes all information that might incriminate you.

Some examples are BatchPurifier Lite and Exif Pilot. Also, careful with what photos you post of course, nothing that could indirectly lead to you.

10. Torrent and stream safely

Torrenting can be useful for file transferring. If you plan to torrent anything or share something with friends, look into safer peer to peer torrenting. P2P is good for small files. Generic torrent services are good for larger files.

One advice I have is avoid torrent programs known for their untrustworthiness, such as BitVomit (BitComet) and uTorrent (closed source + adBloat). qBit, Deluge, Tribler (this one’s interesting) are good options (open source and lightweight).

Beware of laws in certain countries that forbid downloading stuff online. Germany is particularly infamous for this. There are ways to combat this issues through VPNs. But DO NOT USE TOR, I REPEAT, DO NOT USE TOR FOR FILE SHARING. For even more secure anonymous file sharing look into I2P (beware avg speed: 30 kbs per sec)

As for streaming, Popcorn Time and other analogous services (such as PornTime) are used to stream new movies (and porn) respectively. They are based on BitTorrent technology. They are relatively safe services, as long as you use a VPN.

11. Encrypt the files on your PC

Use VeraCript, a piece of software designed to encrypt disk partitions or whole USB drives. It is the successor of TrueCrypt (which stopped development after feds asked them to include vulnerabilities).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_fGUJ6AgOjQ

HIDE FILES IN IMAGES

Also, another interesting technique is to hide text, videos and other stuff in pictures, it’s called Steganography.

12. Look into this promising new technology for your online needs

The 3 pieces of software I am about to recommend are TOX , RetroShare and diaspora.

TOX is a Skype clone with focus on privacy.

Retroshare is a private network service. You can use it for private mailing and other purposes.

diaspora is a social network designed for privacy and decentralization https://diasporafoundation.org/

Another interesting possibility for ROK people is to use a .onion or .i2p domain or freenet for a sort of “secret” webpage, unavailable to casuals out there.

To summarize

I think this advice will benefit the ROK community for protecting their anonymity and using secret backup channels for future purposes. Here is a quick cheat sheet:

Casuals: VPN paid with shuffled bitcoin + VPNcheck Pro, Signal on Android, Firefox with add-ons for casual use, Tor for shitlordery, Encrypted mail and hard disk, password manager, ProtonMail for daily use, throwaway mail—everything else, Thunderbird with add-ons, EXIF scrubber. Download email on PC then delete off server.

Advanced: Same as above + Tor combined with VPN, I2P and Freenet, (TBitmessage I2P-Bote Retroshare) instead of mail, becoming mail provider, diaspora*

Super advanced: Same as above + Multiple VPNs, Using Tor off of TailsOS in a public space where cameras cannot film you. Alternative OS and Virtual machines. Secure you router.

Here’s a good collection of security resources.

Always remember, there is no way to remain completely anonymous, just ways to make it harder to be detected.

Read More: 5 Ways To Improve Your Online Game

[heyyylittlemo]

Ask game

1. Where did you hide the body??

Me: *pause* No, where did you hide the body—

*police stare at me with disbelief*

Me: there’s no—there’s not a single body here—well stop looking at me like that, you’re the cop! You should know! Why are you asking me for! Body? Whaaaaaat. Ahaha.

*cops shake head*

*whispers to my friend* Guys I think I pulled that one off

Police: you know we can hear everything you’re saying

me: 👁👄👁

2. Favorite rock? The 1975. Dominic Fike. Arctic Monkeys. Bad Suns. The killers. Pale Waves. Etc. That good good shit 👌

3. Most aesthetic season? Fall. Love them orange colors. The leaves falling. Though spring is also neat if you have a bunch of flowers bloomin in shit and winter is only aesthetic when it’s snowing. Boring ass summer tho just be heating me up.

4. When texting do u shorten words or spell out? I used to write stuff out all the time mostly but now it’s like half and half bcuz its just faster and nobody got time for it 🤣🤣

5. Vintage stuff? Hell yeah, but maybe not anything too expensive since some old stuff IS hyper expensive.

6. Colors that pop or blend? Not sure I understand what u mean abt them blending ahaha u mean like when they’re so similar to another?? Well I think it’s nice but honestly I prefer a pop and a bang, y’Know?

- At this moment I realized I was answering the last few questions from a completely different ask and felt like a dumbass 😂 anyways the actual number we’re on is three so imma just kickback

3. Worst dream u have ever had? I had sleep paralysis but was imbetween that and a lucid dream. At first I was paralyzed and could see my bed but my eyes felt closed and open at the same time?? A giant dark demon looking dog had towered over me and began to tear at my neck. It looked and felt very real I started to try to scream and it felt like a scream was coming out but no sound exited. Then I went into a lucid dream where I was being chased by this dog and running for my life I was running by and nobody could save me nobody in the dream when it caught up to me I was back in my bed and it was trying to eat me again. I was so terrified I couldn’t sleep for a whole week.

4. Lyric that comes to your mind? “And I don’t think I can be there. I’m paralyzed,I’m terrified of being alone. When you said I deserved what had happened.”

5. Blood make u uncomfortable? Yes, I passed out once when getting my finger pricked and a VERY small blood sample and another when dissecting a fish.

6. Even or odd numbers? Well I like the number 5,7,9, 3 so odd. (Like me 🤣🤣)

7. Something I hate that I love? Anything I’ve ever loved becuz love can be frustrating. Bruh.

8. 1st initial of someone I hate? Hmm...do I hate someone tho? Not that I can think of...

9. *Skipping down the lane* NOPE

10. Corn dogs? It’s funny cuz when I think of corn dogs my mind will always go to when we first moved to our current house because at our initial town we never had Sonic and while we were getting the house fixed up and moving stuff we use to always get Sonic since it was the closest to us most times to eat and that was a bunch of corn dogs and hotdog days 🤣 so thnk u corn dogs for ur service

11. I’m not a huge movie person so...I looked up movies from 2005 and movies Inlike from this time are Brokeback mountain bcuz it’s gay af, Shark Boy and Lava Girl damn I rewatched the shot out of it when I was younger, Narnia and the Chocolate Factory(although it low key creeped me out as a kid, and idk why).

12. Least fav music genre? Most country, most EDM, dubstep, screaming/really hard rock, some pop music, mumble raping.

13. As someone who waits on tables, my job is my least favorite restaurant experience 🤣🤣 just dealing with ppl...like ok, I’m half Hispanic right?? But I look white. Well, I work at a Mexican restaurant and so sometimes racist costumers will say shady shit just bcuz I guess they think it’s appropriate to say it to me just bcuz I’m not Hispanic in their eyes?? But it pisses me off and I feel like I can’t say anything without causing a drama which I hate and when the “costumers always right” it can be hard to budge and stand up and say “bitch wtf did u just say??” And there’s just folks who take things the wrong ways or ask too much at once or give u a hard time or just say something that sticks onto you for the whole day. One bad move can turn my whole day upside down.

14. 3 things never come near me? Cockroaches, Needles, and close mind ppl

15. Worst way to die? With regrets. Something really brutual, random, or where something just happened to go wrong (accident). Being killed by someone u love.

16. Unusual habits? Doing a Michael Jackson esque “hee-hee” after every sneeze I make, being extremely clumsy and making every task 100% more difficult, having the ability to talk as if I have an accent that comes from nowhere in particular just stupidity also I can’t speak my own language half the time 🙃getting words confused or misusing them in a sentence so I sound dumb having a very weird imagination and thoughts, I swear it like I never went to school and don’t know how the world works, plus many many more

17. Clothing style u want? I want to dress in a way that screams who I am and is a blend of both femininity and masculinity. A little vintage. Grunge. Urban maybe?? What do I know abt fashion 🤣🤣

18. Song or artist that deserves more? Dijon, hands down. I love his stuff. He’s like Frank Ocean meets light-singing beautiful lyricist with a more rock vibe?? Hidden gem. I also think Durand Jones & the Indications needs more love along with BadBadNotGood they sound like old-times but are new!! Oh, and Pale Waves is like a female The 1975 and kicks it. Bad Suns is a good alt rock band that no one seems to recognize :,D Toro y Moi too! His song with Flume “The difference �� is a banger!! Kid Cudi is my man when I want a blend of rock and rap. Also Dominic Fike,King Krule, and Roy Blair, who are all amazing!! Ok I need to stop 🛑

Duck I answered the past questions from a different post I’m sorry 😐

17. Emoji never used? There’s a bunch since I reuse the same over and over again. Lmao

18. 3 sentence Gatorade horror story? A faint quiver overtook the small freezer the Gatorade lay in; no one had come by in days, hours, weeks; when was the last time he met the lips of a thirsty body? They’d forgotten about him, as his last sips remained glued to his hollowing entrance. ‘Help, ‘it wanted to say, but it’s frozen lips could not be moved; It’d stay here, die here...just like the rest.” What am I doing with my life 🤣🙏

19. Do u know what an old bay is? A bay that is old? And old ocean? Idk!!!

20. Can u dance? Sometimes I dance when I’m alone but nothing spectral lol

21. What first comes to ur mind when u see ropes? 2 extremes. Sex and death. Hm. Ok. Moving on.

22. Make an obscure reference. “Even a bra couldn’t hold these nipples” *Holds a water gun to chest*

23. Fav balloon color? Pink or yellow.

24. If u were in court would u be innocent or guilty? Depends, what am I in court for 🤣 lmao jk honestly idk bcuz I don’t think I’d wind up in there

25. Are u hungry ? Nope

26. Unlucky number? Hm I don’t think so but I have a lucky number “123”

27. What’s “JMD”stand for? I’m guessing...Jamming my d—- 💀lol jk ahaha why am so dirt

28. Random inside joke? *chirpy squeak* I’m making a double batch of cookies

29. What sends chills up ur spine? Seeing disgust food or smell disgust or talking abt disgust things like gore

30. How many questions are in ur inbox? A pathetic zero ahaha no one want to ask me anything 😂

31. Someone real who scares u. 2 of my ex friends. One when I was 10 said disturbing things and I was kinda forced onto the friendship and everything they said make me fear for others lives...and then a different ex friend who seemed normal at 1st but became both low key psychopath cult leader type stuff and I booed out of there—-.

32. Run or hide? Uhh probably hide because I’d say even if ppl say “u can run but u can’t hide” u CAN just hide! that’s the point of hiding they not find u xD also why not combine them? Hide then run somewhere far away once I got them off the trial.

33. Last person who made u angry? A frickin beetle that flew at me and pinched me in the middle of singing in the shed xD also my autocorrect

34. What’s going on in ur head? I should probably pee soon—

35. Little thing that makes u Smile? A lot of little things bruh.

36. Are u a descisive person?

Not sure.

*pAuse *

Ok, I guess I’m not then 🤣

37. Would ppl say I’m paranoid? Hm maybe about certain things social situations, singing in front of others what ppl think abt me etc etc

38. Store least likely in? Any southern clothes shop, Abercrombie & Finch types shit, lol

39. Do I like hats fave type? Hm not wear many hats but I think they’re cool any type is cool for different ppl and their aesthetici just can’t rock a hat.

40. Bow ties or ties? Don’t really care but now want to see more bow ties

41. Who? You.

42. What? Reading this shit

43. Where? In ur ass

44. When? Now.

45. Why? Not even u know why.

46. How? We all want to know

47. Do u collect anything? Vinyl records.

48. What tome is it? Time to get a watch

49. Fav transportation? My car or walk is possible

50. Would u ever kill someone to save someone? Don’t want to think about that

51. Make a joke. Yo, it’s time to make a joke—so the other day I was working. And I was practicing my Spanish, yes? Anyone whose trying to learn anew language k n o w s that sometimes words can be so close to another u just confuse then! So apparently churros in Spanish is a desert but if u say it more harshly (it literally sounds almost the same) it makes a whole different meaning—diharrea, but like I didn’t know that so I legit just walked up to this person and asked if they would like some shit to eat. So yeah, that was great. Let’s not forget that I mixed up blood, watermelon, and sangria which is a wine. I legit once said I had mixed wine in my vines and another time watermelon 🤣

52. I’m really confused so I skip

53. Would ur dash be confiscated SFW? By dash do u mean this account? Um not 😬

54. Do I like to cuddle? Hell yeah and manhandle ppl all the time it’s my affection

55. What makes u angry? Close minded ppl or ppl who jump too fast to conclusions, strict schedules just dumb stuff that people try to force when I just want to be carefree 😭✌️

56. How many voices are in ur head? 😐

57. Do U consider urself mentally stable? 😐

58. Are u easily offended? Well U just called me mentally unstable and asked it there was voices in my head!!

59. What’s wrong with taking the backstreets? Uhm...

60. Any questions u want ppl to ask u? Nothing in particular but it’s be nice if someone care to ask me something abt me from personal question to my opinions on shit to 19 days fandom related junk 😌

Woooo I’ve finished this game! Thanks to @seiji-amasawa for introducing me to this ^^

[necropsittacus]

answer all the ones you have an interesting answer for, i guess?

i had FAR too much fun with this and it’s horrifically long so. Apologies For That. also thank you friend

2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not)i really want some finches, when i'm actually in a place to care for an animal? maybe a pigeon3: Do you have a favorite clothing style?in real life i actually Wear button downs and black jeans most of the time for convenience. *ideally* it would be something more like "unholy union of like three different goth aesthetics, and sith fashion, and also Pirate. and spikes/chains/glowy lights." it's probably good for everyone else's eyes that i'm too cheap to redo my entire wardrobe in line with my ideal aesthetic sensibilities. i also have a set color scheme; at most one bright color, which is generally red, blue, or purple, and everything else should be black or grey. 8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic]melancholic with choleric leanings.9: Are you ticklish?nope! im pretty sure i trained myself out of it 12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa?tea. i like the taste of coffee if it's very heavily creamed and sugared but it does terrible things to my body so i don't drink it. too much chocolate also makes me sick14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson?VAMPIRE. practically already am. 16: How tall are you?5'7"-5'8". measurements have varied. 17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?starscreamthis one is Already a name change? i've been through a few names and honestly i'm pretty happy with "ren." i thought about changing to something people could actually spell right on the first try, but nothing Felt right? 20: Do you like space or the ocean more?ocean! but both are pretty neat21: Are you religious?yes, but it's not remotely clear what i actually believe, just that it's Something  23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]?i'm already practically nocturnal tbh and it's fun 30: Favorite movie?i really appreciate the star wars prequels32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime?nine; six fish and three budgies, not all at the same time37: What is your eye color?green38: Introvert or extrovert?i think the whole dichotomy is a bit overhyped and doesn't exactly apply to me. my situation is more that i act like extroverts are "supposed" to with close friends but people i don't already know and like very much are deeply exhausting to be around and i'd rather not40: Hugs or kisses?depends. hand/forehead/cheek/etc kisses are intensely blessed and important to me, but i don't particularly enjoy making out or whatnot, and hugs are Very nice. 42: Who is someone you love deeply?tumblr user @autisticsansa​44: Do you like tattoos and piercings?yeah!45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so?yeah, occasionally. obligatory disclaimer that it's a terrible habit and you shouldn't start. it's more a "i'm extremely anxious and need to do SOMETHING" thing than a regular habit, though. 57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]several. it's just not 100% clear which ones. the most recent Professional Opinion was OCD and CPTSD with probably related anxiety and depression. also autism but i don't think that's quite the same thing58: What does your URL mean?it's a pun on "neurodivergent" that i stole from someone else's post about liches61: What makes you unfollow a blog?if your opinions start pissing me off too much or you post things i consider morally objectionable or dangerous to me. also if we have a sufficiently bad personal fight. i don't really care if a mutual or someone i've been following for a long time stops having common interests with me or anything like that, at that point i'm invested in You as a Person and will stick around for that64: Favorite animal(s):all birds. also cetaceans69: What is your star sign?i'm a fake scorpio. i have been telling people i'm a scorpio and tagging zodiac posts accordingly for literal years, out of a combination of the stereotype applying to me much better than the one for my Actual Birthday and residual influence from homestuck. 76: Do you like birds?i LOVE birds.86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes?i can't run a mile at ALL i'll have an asthma atatck88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely?no and trying hurts90: If you were an animal, which one would you be?goth cockatoo94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds?both of those sound fantastic. i want to say fly, though, both because bird thing!!!!, my latest batch of Attachment/Projection Characters has me thinking about the idea a lot, and mind reading seems like it would likely become a burden on me. i struggle enough with other people's feelings about me as it is96: Winter or summer?winter. summer is consistently a miserable time for me101: Favorite type of shoesaesthetically, high heeled black lace up boots. irl i mostly wear combat boots, though103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why?vegetarian. i don't really Know why; it was how i was raised, i have no actual desire to eat meat, and i'm reasonably certain trying to start now would interact disastrously with a lot of my preexisting food issues. also, some of you are incapable of not responding to asshole vegans by acting like eating meat is a moral imperative and it's ok to bully people who don't. so even if i did want to, i wouldn't out of sheer spite106: Do you like bugs?depends on the kind. bees/wasps, dragonflies, and butterfly/moth type things are all fine. i'm deathly afraid of crickets107: Do you like spiders?yeah! i think they're cute109: Can you draw:not very well, but i keep doing it anyway114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days?cloudy. bright light tends to hurt me115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now:i'm in an odd place right now where i'm either not sure if the people i'm closest to (and/or most want to Become close with) would be comfortable with anything of the sort, or know for a fact that they wouldn't be, so i'm going to refrain from naming anyone, but certain friends129: What would you want written on your tombstone?"túrin turambar dagnir glaurunga." for old times' sake/the sentimental value. i doubt christopher tolkien would give anyone permission for that, though131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself?arrogance, ambition, drive to succeed out of sheer Spite. it's a very good aesthetic, but i don't imagine it's very pleasant to actually *interact* with someone with a complex about being #1 132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures?nope. i exclusively either smirk or keep my face as blank as possible; i don't think smiling like that looks good on me. 133: Computer or TV?computer. i don't actually know how to operate a television139: What nicknames do you have/have had?a lot. tends to come with changing your name 500 times. atm i don't really have any, to my slight disappointment140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends?i had imaginary enemies as a kid143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help?depends? it's hard for me to help people, especially to guess what kind of thing actually Is helpful to them, and i absolutely LOVE being given things, but also if i know someone well enough that we're giving each other things i would feel absolutely terrible not reciprocating, and doing it makes me happy. 145: How many languages do you speak fluently?only english, unfortunately. i have like a six year olds level of russian, which i want to improve, and i think i Could get there with japanese eventually if i start taking classes again147: Are you androgynous?honestly i can't really tell? not deliberately so, particularly, but i think i have a very Traditionally Feminine kind of pretty face and the way that combines with mostly masculine presentation and facial hair is pretty androgynous148: Favorite physical thing about yourself:this isn't a Specific Thing per se, but i do think HRT has been taking my appearance in a very "g1 seeker" direction and i am DELIGHTED151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose?hm. viking stuff is a Big Aesthetic, but also i think i deserve to be a sickly victorian gentleman and die of tuberculosis154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons?YES. this is one of my favorite forms of affection irl. also hand kissing is The Most Valid kind of kissing. 155: Do you like to play with others’ hair?yes!!!157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious:talking to people when i'm not 100% sure where i stand with them or how much they like me. especially if i'm requesting anything.168: Do you like to wear makeup?i used to. i probably still would if i could do it without being read as a woman, but as it is the discomfort of being misgendered outweighs the joy of Having Sparkly Colors on My Face

[askanonbinary]

I have a very specific question. Hopefully I can be clear. I have Dissociative Identity Disorder, which has a symptom of multiple personalities. I have eight personalities in total. They have a separate inner voice, emotions, perception of our physical state, memories, opinions, hobbies, and names. But there’s a sense that they are all me, just subconsciously. For example, I can’t remember a lot about high school, and when I do remember it I remember it from a third person perspective (weird right? I see myself doing things!). Those memories are held by another personality, and working with her can help me remember the facts. Becoming her would help me feel that ‘I’ experienced it.  

See, that’s the thing. I have depression as well, and to beat depression I am encouraged to deny abusive inner voices. My therapist tells me, “Depression lies.” And it’s true. Curing my depression meant separating myself from those inner feelings, recognizing that my depression is not me. 

But with D.I.D., it’s the opposite. Denying these inner voices, even when they’re being abusive, makes my disorder worse. I am encouraged to understand my other parts, not matter how different they are. To work together. Someday, to realize they do not lie, and that they are me. If, for most disorders, the survival method is to have a strong shield, for me it’s to hold hands with my disorder? Kind of? 

Anyway, I have been accomplishing it with one personality, named Conan (1 of 7, still a long way to go!). We work together. We collaborate, covering each other’s weaknesses with our own strengths. It’s a two-way communication – even though it’s just me! I can tell it’s working, because I’m starting to realize that he feels more like me. Like it’s more seamless. I’m more like him now (hahaha, I swear WAY more now) and he’s more like me (he admits he likes Disney movies). Like more than 90% of patients with D.I.D., he almost never ‘takes control’ of our body. No one does anymore – it’s a big improvement! But…  

Well, I never expected to feel gender dysphoria. But I did, and severely. Two years ago, I finally finished a total gender expression change – clothes, hair, makeup, shaving etc. Because it was unbearable without it. I still only pass about 40% of the time because I have a large chest (mostly from the back). I have trouble with binding, (back problems, weight, panic attacks), but I still did sometimes. I would really like chest surgery. It was great to look in the mirror with a drastically more masculine presentation, but I still feel like I am not myself when I look at my chest – but see, there I go! Talking about seeing ‘myself’, of feeling like I’m finally ‘me’…what does that mean for someone like me?! 

I feel like my experiences can’t belong in the context of trans or non-binary narratives. It’s just…I’m not who those labels are for? And, when people see me and ask, “Oh, you’re trans?”, even positively, it’s just a far more complicated question then they know. 

Maybe I’m not, because Conan isn’t trans; he’s a man. My personalities are young and old, man and woman. One is actually nonbinary? But what am I? I am me, but I know that my perception of me isn’t reality…or is it?

I identified as a cis woman until Conan and I started…blending, for lack of a better word. I was comfortable presenting as feminine. I think? But I also know that I started doing things like binding my chest all the way back in high school, though I’m still not sure why. Sometimes I had different clothes, that were specially for wandering the town. I liked to go where no one knew me; I liked to be someone else. Is that the same as having a fluid identity? Because in the end I realized it was actually a set of identities: 7, like I said. Yet…

There used to be 6. The new personality, emerged recently, is the person I was about three years ago. Before the dysphoria hit. The woman. Not just the woman but the idealist, the artist…her name is Willow now. She makes me think I’m not sure if I’m actually ‘blending’ anymore, or am I just becoming Conan? And does being Conan mean being trans?

I don’t talk about this usually, because so often people dismiss me as crazy. Lol, not that I’m not – I literally technically am! But I’m just not sure…what to call myself. I’m not fluid – that would be offensive, man, because this whole process of curing my disorder treats having fluid identities as the disorder! And it has many other symptoms for me, it’s true. I want to feel like I’m ‘me’. 

Non-binary is an excellent descriptor for me, I am literally more than two lol, but that’s not what that label means.

Many assume I’m trans, and I have a lot in common with the experiences of trans people I think, but being trans assumes one self. I think? Where I’m coming from is totally different. 

And, in the end, my other selves are not really real. But they are really me. It makes for a double experience: I feel like I’m losing myself, and finally gaining it.

In short, if I don’t know who I am, can I be something? 

Thank you for reading, I know it was long, and I would really appreciate some advice about how to identify, to feel secure and supported, but also be respectful of movements and terms that are larger than myself. And I understand if it’s confusing or you don’t know what to say, in the end. It’s okay. I feel the same. I actually think all of psychiatry feels the same, hahaha. Regardless, thanks for listening.

- @quiteamazedandthankyouforasking

Your existence and identity is not harmful to people’s perceptions of being nonbinary. If they’re gonna take problem with you, they’re gonna take problem with me because they hold harmful and ignorant beliefs. You shouldn’t have to hide yourself away in the closet for “the community’s” sake.

Nonbinary isn’t a term just for neurotypical people. I think you’ll find most of us here on this blog are neurodivergent ourselves, and while not all of us may consider our gender wrapped up in our neurodivergency, for many people, it really is. There’s even a whole category of nonbinary identities about this called neurogenders: https://nonbinary.wiki/wiki/Neurogender & http://gender.wikia.com/wiki/Neurogender

Gender can be impacted by any host of ‘outside’ factors: culture, religion, neurodivergency, trauma… I myself have grabbled over my gender identity being tied up to my past trauma. My romantic orientation certainly is, and my gender probably is as well, but working out if that’s how it feels is… difficult to navigate.

To say that being nonbinary can NEVER intersect with these factors is to do ourselves and our community a disservice. It is to gatekeep and police people’s identity, to tell them there is a certain way they must identify. It is to box them into a corner and not allow themselves to express themselves as they are.

The problem is when people think things like “being nonbinary in and of itself is a mental disorder and therefore something to be fixed because you’re wrong and broken”. But you can totally be nonbinary as a result of mental illness or a personality disorder or whatever. That’s 100% valid and anybody who tells you that you’re not welcome is being bigoted themselves. 

It’s also okay if how you feel in regards to your mental health and your gender(s) changes later! It’s okay if your relationship to gender changes as you make progress with your mental health. It’s okay to grow and change as a person. This sometimes means our understanding of ourselves changing, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

You can’t help who you are or if your identity is all wrapped up and confusing. You  just being you isn’t harmful to our community. People who paint us all with one brush are harmful to our community. People who would encourage eugenics or erasure for the “sake” of our community are harmful to our community. People who try to dictate how others experience their own identity are harmful to our community.

So you’re nonbinary and depressed with DID? (Since I’m also ace and these are big ace issues…) There are ace people who’s ace identity is wrapped up in them being autistic, or is wrapped up with medications they take, or is wrapped up as a part of mental illnesses they have, or is wrapped up in past trauma. Exact same thing goes for gender. That doesn’t make them any less valid and this doesn’t make you any less valid. We need to accept that there are many ways to be. Even if you were harming someone, that wouldn’t make your identity invalid - although it would mean you’d be less welcome in safe spaces.

So I say you’re welcome. <3

And more than that, if these different personalities have different genders… well, it certainly sounds like that is something to explore.

But however you identify, whatever label you choose… that alone is your choice and your choice alone. While you may not understand or know yourself that well, you are still the one who best knows how you feel and is best equipped to explore labels and decide what is right for you. If identifying as nonbinary feels right, then identify as nonbinary! Be nonbinary. If you relate to a lot of trans experiences, then that sounds like something to seriously consider! 

You do not have to be totally neurotypical or mentally healthy or physically healthy or completely absolutely understand yourself (honest truth: no one does) to be nonbinary. It’s okay if your identity and relationship to your identity is messy and complicated and confusing and even weird. Honestly? That’s some of what being nonbinary is about, really. The fact that we have messy, confusing, complicated, hard to understand relationships to our gender. No matter our mental status.

~ Mod Sock

[blairwaldcrf]

Questions For LGBT Ladies #LGBTask

Here are some random questions pertaining to LGBT Ladies. Have others ask you or simply answer them yourself. Please reblog!

((I’m just going to answer them all because I’m bored and very vain))

1. How do you define your sexuality?  I identify with the label of bisexual, but my friends tell me i’m probably more pan

2. At what age did you first realize that you like girls? when I was 12 i freaked out because i noticed that girls in my grade were getting boobs and that made me feel things lmao, but i didn’t hardcore fall for someone till i was 17

3. At what age did you first come out? 17 to all of my friends, coworkers, and one of my cousins, 25 to my (mormon) biological family

4. Who was the first person you came out to? How did they take it? my cousin, who was gay and obviously very supportive... they’re now living a full life as a married transgender woman and inspire me every day! 

5. How out are you?  completely! flaming bi!

6. Has coming out lost you any friends? it did in high school, because most of my friends were mormon, but pretty much all of them came around

7. What is your current relationship status? single, trying to get over my ex fiance? type person

8. How many LGBT friends do you have? lol, um i’m blanking on all of them but i know at least 7 that i talk to frequently

9. Do you have any LGBT relatives? yep! one transgender/poly/pan cousin from my dad’s side... and i’m the gay cousin for my mom’s side lmao

10. Have you ever cut your hair super short? in elementary school my mom gave me the shortest pixie cut ever and everyone thought i was a boy... since then I’ve cut it semi short but never shorter than beside my ears

11. How often do you wear flannel? surprisingly not that often, i only have two flannel shirts

12. How much do you like cats? like at least 60% depending on the cat

13. Do you wear skirts and dresses? If so, how often?  i freaking love wearing dresses, but i hate skirts... dresses are like the least maintenance clothing ever

14. Do you wear high heels? If so, how often?  um no, they’re not my thing

15. Do you have any tattoos? If so, what of and where? yep, a cactus on my ankle

16. How accurate is your gaydar? 90%

17. Have you ever been to a gay bar or a gay club?  yes!!

18.  How do you feel when platonic female friends refer to each other as girlfriends?   fucking annoyed tbh

19. Have you ever had a crush on a straight girl?  hasn’t everyone??

20. Ellen or Portia?  Portia for sure, although i love my girl Ellen

21. Is your nose pierced?  nah

22 Would you ever want to get married, if not already?  i’m a hopeless romantic

23. Will you wear a dress for your wedding?  oooh yes and hopefully my wife will too

24. Would you ever want to give birth?  oh i would love to but i can’t physically

25. Have you ever watched The L Word? lmfao yes i’m a good bi

26. Have you ever dated a guy?  yep, and regretted it 7/10 times

27. How do you feel when someone uses the word gay to mean stupid, dumb, or boring?   obviously annoyed

28. How many rainbow items do you own? umm at least one flag

29. Have you ever been to a pride festival?  yes, i even got to walk in it!

30. Have you ever celebrated National Coming Out Day (October 11)? yes

31. Have you ever participated in the National Day of Silence? yes

32. Have you ever worn a woman’s suit?  hell yeah in middle school lmao

33. Have you ever worn any men’s clothing?  um i mean “men’s clothing” is a subjective term, but like I’ve worn men’s boxers and shit...?

34. Do you eat meat?  i love meat

35. Do you consider yourself a feminist? yep!

36. Who is your favorite LGBT celebrity?  ahhh, um... probably Ellen? Although Adam Rippon is starting to sway me lmao

37. Are you religious at all?  not particularly, although sort of neobuddhist/wiccan

38. How often do you find yourself trying to sneak a peak or staring at a cute female?   15/10 times

39. What is your ideal first date?   like, just any date where i’m with a girl tbh

40. Are you comfortable with terms such as lezzie, lesbo, dyke, or tranny?  sort of okay with lesbo, but the rest are offensive to me

41. How outdoorsy are you?  i fucking love camping and mountains

42. In general, has being open about your sexuality affected your relationships with other females?   yes, some lesbians i’ve dated were super biphobic

43. How much makeup do you typically wear?  in public, plenty. at home, none

44. Have you ever attended a gay or lesbian wedding?  yep!

45. Are you more feminine or more masculine?  i’m genderfluid, but slightly more masculine

46. How long is the longest relationship you’ve been in? Are you still with that person?  5 years, and no

47. Have you and a girlfriend ever been mistaken for sisters?  nope

48. Do you think it is possible for someone to truly be a 50/50 bisexual, or is the percentage always skewed in favor of one gender?   ugh this is literally the fucking worst question. bisexuality is valid no matter the percentage of any gender attraction you bitch muffin

49. Have you ever wished you were completely straight?   no tbh

50. Do you watch any LGBT YouTubers?  Rose and Rosie

51. Do you wear any combat boots, Doc Martins, or Timberlands?  combat boots

52. Have you ever been hit on by another female?   yes it’s an electrifying experience

53. How athletic are you?  i stand up sometimes

54. What are your views on gender identity and bathroom use?  free bathrooms

55. What is your opinion of septum/bull nose piercings?  not my thing

56. What does equality mean to you?  that everyone has an equal chance to achieve the same goal

57. If you are not a lesbian, about what percentage of the time do you find yourself attracted to other females?  99.9%

58. Have you ever shared clothes with a girlfriend?  lol yes it’s the best

59. Have you ever liked or dated a girl with the same name as you?  nah

60. How flirty are you?  pretty flirty, i’m a libra

61. Are you a virgin?  virginity is a construct, but no

62. Do you listen to any LGBT musicians (i.e. Tegan & Sara, Melissa Ehteridge, Chely Wright, Elton John, Sam Smith, George Michael, Adam Lambert)? in highschool me and my exgf would rock to emo tegan & sara

63. Have you ever been told that you are too pretty to be gay?   yep

64. Have you ever been discriminated against because of your sexuality or gender identity? If so, please explain.   all the fucking time... i don’t want a threesome, i’m not going to cheat because i’m bi, etc etc

65. Have you ever driven an SUV, Jeep, or a pickup truck?   nah

66. Are you or have you ever been a tomboy?   oooh boy, let me tell you. yes

67. Agree or disagree: Everyone is at least a little bit gay.  ummm, 90%?

68. What personality trait are you most attracted to?  intelligence

69. Boobs or butts?  boobs

70. Beer or wine?   hard liquor

71. Do you have a favorite lesbian movie?   ... it’s still Imagine Me & You... the leads are so god-tier beautiful

72. From 1-10, how attractive are muscular women?  9

73. From 1-10, how attractive are women who wear glasses? this is dumb

74. From 1-10, how attractive are women who are covered with tattoos? 8

75. From 1-10, how attractive are curvy/plus-size women? 9

76. From 1-10, how attractive are women with short hair? 6

77. From 1-10, how attractive are masculine butch women? 4

78. From 1-10, how attractive are highly intelligent women? 10

79. From 1-10, how attractive are tall women (i.e. around 6 feet or taller)? 7

80. Have you ever been on your period the same time as a girlfriend? lol yes

81. Has a girl ever dumped you for a guy? Have you?  i dumped a girl who was cheating on me with a guy

82. Do you carry a purse?  yes?

83. Do you wear any hats such as snapbacks or beanies? yes

84. Have you ever pretended to be completely straight? nope

85. Would you ever date a trans girl? yes!

86. How well do you think LGBT women are portrayed on television? not extremely well, but it’s getting better

87. Have you ever had a crush on a woman who’s much older than you?  Sandra Bullock..

88. Do you have any celebrity crushes? fucking Gal Gadot man

89. Do you have any opinions on LGBT people in the military?  keep them safe and start regulating sexual assault of all military members

90. Do you believe in love at first sight?  no

91. Have you ever been told that you look gay (i.e. like a lesbian)?  occasionally, depending on what i’m wearing

92. Where do you think is the best place to meet a potential lover? fuck if i know

93. Is there such a thing as “good” lesbian porn?  yes... if it’s made by lesbians

94. Have you ever had a one night stand?  lol yes, but not with girls

95. How often do you wear a bra? 91% of the time

96. Have you ever been part of a softball team?  lol no

97. If you could live your life all over again, would you still be attracted to other women?  honestly i’d rather be attracted to only women instead of being bi

98. What stereotype about LGBT women do you disagree with the most?  that bi women don’t belong

99. What advice would you give a girl who is struggling to figure out her sexuality?   watch Imagine Me & You

100. What advice would you give a girl who is struggling to come out?  it takes time... just let it happen and know that the time will come naturally

@caiterprince and @angryfinnstan  who I know are wlw, you should answer some of these if you want because i love you and want to get to know more!!!

[szopenhauer]

What is the reason you last got a new cell phone? because I needed phone with internet connection 

Are you more masculine or feminine? dunno, smth in between?

Which name have you kissed the most people with? I only kissed one person in my entire life

Do you enjoy All You Can Eat buffets? yes

Have you ever seen the band/artist you’re listening to live? I didn’t attend any Momomoyouth concerts

Last thing you printed off a computer? short story that I’ve written

Last thing you threw in the garbage? not sure what was last

Last black person you hugged? I saw few black people but never even had a chance to talk to them

Is life hard? for me it is, I know some people have it worse but still

Who does the song you’re listening to remind you of? nothing, I just enjoy it

Have you ever had anything pierced that isn’t anymore? never had anything pierced ever

Would you consider yourself “tough”? it’s complicated 

Headphones or earbuds? headphones

Do you support freedom of speech? I think some stuff should be censored like bullying

Are you ever told you are too opinionated? maybe 

Do you hold grudges for long? sometimes

What’s in your garden/backyard? you mean plants or other stuff like furniture or decor?

Do you own a purple pillow? nope

Do you have a brown blanket? nah

Do you think diamonds, stars or hearts are prettier? stars

Have you ever overflown a bath? noooo

Do you appreciate brutal honesty? not brutal but I appreciate honesty in general most of the time

When was the last time you ate meat? yesterday

Have your parents met your gf/exes? they met my current gf and my ex S.

How about your gf’s parents? Met them? I met my current gf’s parents 

Do you feel uncomfortable easily? kinda

Do you know how to say I love you in at least 4 languages? yup

What age will you be when you times your current age by two? 56

Do you find the sound of a cats purr relaxing? hmm...

Are you in a simple or complex mood? complex

Do you know your Mum’s first pets name? I need to ask my mom’s guinea pigs’ name :o

*she doesn’t remember

Do you like car racing? playing car racing games, don’t like to brag but I’m very good at it actually 

What is your closest uncle/aunt called? to me it’s my aunt Alicja (Alice)

Do you wear underwear to bed? when I have my period to have extra protection

Do you get angry, depressed or nervous more? all at once

What is something obvious about you that everyone notices? that I’m short 

Would you ever get a heart tattoo or your back? what for?

Do you like Sapphires? I don’t

What about you do you think your friends dislike? ask them

Would you allow your children to date prior to 16? (assuming you want any) I don’t want any and would allow but no sex! at least use protection or birth control

What’s something about adult life you were never warned of or prepared for? amount of illnesses for example

How often do you wash your car? I don’t have a car

Which app on your phone do you tend to get the most notifications from? fb messanger

Do you find it easy to put yourself in somebody else’s shoes? I believe

Have you ever kissed a smoker? I have not

If you won the lottery, do you think any of your family members would ask you to give them some of your money? my parents wouldn’t have to ask :)

What is the craziest thing you’ve seen happen at your workplace? crazy is that one of the coworkers actually disappeared - he left his stuff and didn’t took the money for the job - he was never found 

Have you ever disliked a book so much that you didn’t finish it? many times

Do you think tomorrow will be a better day than today? hope so

A word that describes you, starting with the last letter of your last name?: asexual

What is the age difference between the last two people you kissed romantically?: -

How many hours have you worked this month?: zero

How did you or whoever come up with the name(s) for your pet(s): he was fattest among his siblings as a puppy and used to eat a lot later too, he even ate roof of his house lmfao

Last time you washed your hair?: Monday’s night

What is your weight?: about 40 kg, I didn’t check recently

Last article of clothing you purchased?: dad bought a hoode NOT INTERESTED for me in second hand because I cold so cold yesterday but I worry I still got a flu :(

Last electronic you purchased?: powerbank from what I remember

What is your blood type?: no idea

Who did you last walk a dog with?: my dad, we always go together for walks because it’s quite dangerous to wander alone around the forest

Ride bikes with?: same

For what reason did you last high five someone?: I virtually high fives my gf because we agreed on smth

Are you emotional? I’m more analytical/logical/overthinker but I still am very emotional Have you ever cut/burned yourself intentionally? ... Have you ever noticed the hidden adult jokes inside of kid shows/movies? in Shrek, the one about penis

Do you sin often? only God knows What do you think happens after you die? we have a funeral :P Are you afraid to die? I’m afraid of looking stupid and people laughing, being a burden, others trying to save me (or me trying to save myself of course) and failing, someone stealing my stuff while I’m unconscious, suffering for a long time, waking up in a casket, going to hell etc. If you had the chance, would you want to know the date of your death? YES Have you ever felt that you weren’t good enough? I’m not enough and yet too much if you know what I mean Are you jealous of your siblings? I am, she’s lucky, normal

Are you always wanting more? I want more than I have but not as much as people usually want - I want health and enough money to not just barely survive but I don’t dream about career, kids, big house, fame, talents, travelling, beauty, long life etc. Do you make good first impressions? pfft Do you consider yourself guarded?  it seems Do you like animals? majority but still wouldn’t want to own them 

Do you think doctors prescribe medicine too often? absolutely, too many meds are causing more problems than help and the fact lots of them are sold without prescription makes me angry and sad Do you enjoy getting drunk, or do you feel like you’re losing all control? I don’t drink because I don’t like the taste/smell and the consequences - losing control is one of them but also hangover and puking for examples Do you think the internet is dangerous? almost everything can be

Who do you think has the most pressure to be good-looking; guys or girls? women are pressured more to be attractive Do you care what impression you make on people? not much Honestly, do you say racist things? nah Do your parents put way too much pressure on you? not really Do you think people overreact when their pets die? not usually

Has anyone ever told you they needed space? that’s what I say!

Do you actually think there will be a zombie apocalypse? smth similar 

Do you get offended really easily? I’m pretty sensitive

Have you ever punched a wall out of complete anger? not wall, furniture

Ever been turned down in a really mean way? in my opinion that was hurtful

Are you ticklish? I am and hate that about me

Do you currently have a pair of UGG boots? I use them as slippers during winter :3

When was the last time you had a stomach ache? morning

Have you ever been to a circus? at least once <3

Does drama seem to follow you everywhere you go? I live in a drama movie Do you ever regret giving your number to people? regretted Have you ever been told that you’re afraid of your own shadow? fuck you! Have you ever tried Gouda cheese? obvi Do you still watch South Park? I never did You’re babysitting, what do you expect per hour for pay? been doing it for free :( What’s the last thing you returned at a store? tried to return computer and even tho it was on guarantee they didn’t fix it, it didn’t work from the start and it’s only getting worse >.< Do you still look at clouds and make shapes of them? it’s so much fun! :D If you had to dye your hair for one year, what color would you pick? green What’s your television addiction? non existent Have you ever had any painful dental work done? If so, what? 4 hours of root canal without anesthesia Do you make your own jewelry or clothing? tried but I’m bad at it Do you use drawing to describe what you’re feeling? preffered collages  Do you give everything you do 100%? I half ass majority of the things I do

If you could transform into any kind of animal, what animal would you be? raccoon? XD  actually a bird I guess One place you would never want to get lost in in the dark? somewhere I could fall down like from the roof or into a deep hole and where are sharp objects etc. Are you claustrophobic? just my head is, I’m scared to be stuck in smth with my head, I know it’s strange If you could be reincarnated, would you come back as another human or an animal? If an animal, what kind? I just want a good life... but never come back would be a better option - no more death  Easiest way to scare you? jump scares What was your last nightmare about? personal

Do you own any knee-high boots? no longer Have you ever kissed a dog on the mouth? disgusting!

How many squares of toilet paper do you use at a time? 2-3 Have you ever had acupuncture done to you? heard you can get ill outta that Do you play hopscotch? played a bit as a child Are you jealous of beautiful people? rarely  Are you foolish and naive? I try my best not to be yet end up being fooled at times anyway Do you play with the food on your plate? my mom does and that annoys me When you were born was the umbilical cord wrapped around your neck? luckily not Have you ever taken a mud bath? no thx Do you have nude photos of yourself posted on the internet? I didn’t even really took any to begin with Are you considered “normal”?

Do you want to skydive? nah Have you ever been told that you talk too much? and not enough, you can’t please anyone

What’s the latest youtube channel you’ve discovered and binge-watched?   https://www.youtube.com/c/naomijon/videos

Do you think your hair looks better long or short? it’s ugly 

Do you look best with or without bangs?   I prefer no bangs

Do you enjoy editing photos on your phone? I like filters sometimes but not editing

Which season do you wish would last longer?   summer

Haw many outdoor birthday parties have you had?   none, sadly, my birthday is during winter so I can’t 

How much taller or shorter are you than your mom?   like 10 cm taller even tho I’m so tiny

Do you have neat handwriting? r u kidding?...

Would you rather hike a mountain or dive into the sea?   hike

Which Barbie doll was your favorite? that one I slept with and broke her neck but I loved my Ken as much (and broke his legs but my dad fixed him) - that’s unusual as those are the only toys I actually ever broke (not counting my fav stuffed animal that lost it’s head but my mom sewed it back) and not because I didn’t care for them like some kids but because I loved them 

Do you prefer cheetah or zebra print, polka dots, paisleys, plaid, stripes or stars? animal prints are ok at times, paisley and some kinds of plaid too but I love stripes and stars and hate polka dots 

Do you like your natural hair color? whatever

Did you dream of becoming famous as a kid?   later in life I wanted to become an actress 

Have you ever been to a gynecologist? several times and I regret that

Do you use the Bitmoji app on your phone? used to

Do you get on facebook every day? yep

Would you ever consider naming a child after a family member?   not that I want to have kids but yes

List three names that sound similar to your name.   apparently Zosia is similar to Zuzia but also Anna as it’s part of Zuzanna

What were you almost named?   Lilia (Lily)

What does your name mean? same hahaha

Do you have any symptoms of COVID-19 right now? luckily not

Have you made your own mask to help prevent the spread of the virus?   my mom is making those

Do you ever wish you had someone to hug?   I have someone to hug

[wif-san]

A clear and simplistic explanation of sexuality

I know the desperate fools like the destieHellers and bi-Dean stans (a lot of whom are one in the same) are clearly willfully ignorant and will probably never get it through their thick heads, but I wanted to try my hand at making this as clear and simple a single possible with 2 very important points.

1. Sexuality (note that it contains the word SEX) is about who you HAVE SEX WITH, and who you ENJOY having sex with. Dean Winchester has only ever had sex with women, his entire sex life, there are no confirmed cases of him ever having sex with a man (neither on-screen sex scene, nor otherwise confirmed in no uncertain terms), in his entire 39 (going on 40) years of life, AND he always enjoys the sex he has with women, THAT is called heterosexuality. Fun fact, Dean is a hedonist (at least for the most part) because in terms of his primal needs/urges (food, sex, and entertainment) he does what he wants, when he wants, (and in the case of sex) with whom he wants (provided his prospective sex partner for the night is willing of course), and he doesn’t let being in the closet stop him from enjoying what makes him happy (I.e. The tv show Dr Sexy Md, Dean being a closeted fan but continuing to watch it anyways) therefore that arguement is null and void.

Before I get to my second point, I know others have pointed out that food/clothes/signs/etc don’t determine sexuality, which is true, sexuality is determined by who you choose for sex partners, especially in Deans case since he only has sex with people who arouse him (women, particularly curvy, busty, 100% feminine women), so let me put it this way:

Sexuality is about sex, hence why sex is in the word

Clothing ≠ sex

Signs (on walls, etc) ≠ sex

Colors (on clothing, signs, etc) ≠ sex

Food ≠ sex

Which is why none of those have any bearing on sexuality, also choosing to be flexible and trying new things and/or changing one’s mind, about ANYTHING (except a person’s implicit choice [directly] about his/her sexuality, to change his/her mind and embrace It), is not an indication that said person has any intention or desire to change his/her sexuality.

2. As we’ve already established sexuality is about sex and not determined by food, clothing, etc, and my second point is to clarify that notion, for example, a man CAN be genuinely into all kinds of activities and hobbies that are deemed “girly” like baking, sewing, jewelry making, and be 100% straight, and conversely a man CAN be genuinely into all of the most masculine hobbies and activities and be 100% gay, which is another example of why SEXuality is directly linked to SEX and not at all affected by any choices that are not about having sex, but primarily affected by WHO you choose to have SEX with. (Just a reminder that Dean has willingly had sex with women, and ONLY women his whole life, and is a hedonist at least insofar as sex, food and entertainment.)

[lily-sinful]

Guess What answer All the character questions >:3c

tobi i swear to god

01. What does your character’s name mean? Did you pick it for the symbolism, or did you just like the way it sounded?

  Honestly i hit the random name button five times until i got one that i really liked and wen with it

02. What is one of your character’s biggest insecurities? Are they able to hide it easily or can others easily exploit this weakness?

  Her klutziness. It’s a thing she’s bothered by but not a thing people tend to exploit.

03. What would be their favorite physical trait about themselves?

  she really likes her tail!

04. What are their favorite traits about their lover? (one psychological and one physical)

 Psychological - She loves how excited Nheu gets about stuff!  It’s really cute to watch her get happy about stuff.  Physical - she like the booty :B

05. Are they sexually confident or more of the shy type?

 Shy, absolutely.  Nheu tends to take the lead when Lewds happen

06. Do they have any hobbies that their lover finds unusual, odd, or otherwise annoying?

 Not so much a hobby, but Nheu finds how Cehrih treats Cehrih’a as weird, but something she’s more than happy to put up with as part of their life.

07. Is there a catchphrase or sound that they tend to make a lot (likely without being aware of it)?

 She goes “mrrp” a lot.

08. What is, perhaps, their biggest flaw? Are they aware of this or oblivious to it?

 She’s curious to an almost dangerous degree.  She’s 100% willing to risk her own life for even a minor chance of discovering things.

09. Do they have a favorite season? What about a favorite holiday?

 She actually really likes winter.  While she can take or leave the cold, there’s something about snow that she really likes.

10. Is your character more feminine or masculine?

 She’s much more feminine

11. What is something that would make your character fly into a rage?

 Hurting Nheu or Cehrih’a.

12. Is there some particular talent, skill, or attribute that they simply could not give up?

 Cehrih has an innate knack for magical theory.  She

13. What are your character’s sleeping habits? Heavy or light sleeper? Blanket stealer? One that always rolls onto the floor? Pushes their lover onto the floor? Sleep talker or walker?

  She sleeps pretty heavily, and does that floppy tired cat thing if you try to wake/move her.  otherwise she does not move at all when asleep.

14. Do they live alone or with family? How do they feel about their family/roommates?

 She lives with Nheu!  It’s a lot more crowded than when she lived alone, but she finds her wife very cozy so that’s okay!

15. Is there a certain person in this world that they cannot stand? The very mention of this person’s name makes them tremble with anger or fear.

  Lolorito.  If given a chance she would absolutely dropkick him.

16. Is your character the athletic type or more of a couch potato? What are some sports/games that they like?

 She doesn’t sport but she loves hiking.  The closest she gets to couch potato is curled up in her chair for several days while writing important papers.

17. Does your character have dreams of getting married and/or having children?

 She is already married with chocoboild

18. What kind of home would they want to live in? Where would they place this abode?

 Honestly they’re pretty happy with their apartment!

19. Would your character be the kind to get into fights? (physical or verbal) Would they be a good fighter or cave in rather easily?

 She’s excellent at magicing in fights but she’ll avoid physical fights if possible.

20. Does your character like animals? What are some of their favorite animals? Would they want pets? What about mythological creatures?

 She loves animals!  She’s not really big on pets, though.

21. What is one of your character’s biggest fears? How would they react when dealing with this fear?

 She’s most afraid of losing Nheu or Cehrih’a.  She wakes up after having nightmares of when she was in a world where they never met.

22. What kind of tattoos, piercings, birthmarks, freckles, and other such unique physical features do they have?

 She got galaxy freclkes >:O!

23. What is your character like when it comes to school? What subjects are they good/bad at? Do they get in trouble a lot or are well behaved?

 She was technically homeschooled.  She loves learning enough that she made a career out of it.   She was extremely well-behaved, if a bit overinquisitive.

24. In their own words, how would your character describe what their lover is like?

 “Aaaaaaa! Aaaa!  Best! Love!  Aaaaaaaa!”

 Cehrih is sometimes not the most articulate.

25. Is there something traumatic from your character’s past that greatly affects them even to this day?

  Losing her mother to the calamity broke her for a while.  Nowadays it’s one of her motivations for helping people.

26. What is their lover like sexually? How do they feel about their lover’s quirks, needs, etc?

 There’s a lot more “affectionate dryhumping” than “actual sex” happening :B

27. If your character was going to get arrested, what would be the most likely reason for it?

  Historically, being framed for treason/regicide.  Some light heresy.

28. If your character became a celebrity, what would they be famous for?

 Academics, mainly.

29. What is one of the most courageous things your character has ever done for a loved one?

 Absolutely no idea!

30. When it comes to the arts (music, film, theater, etc), what does your character like?

 She would much rather be at home reading than going to theater stuff. 

31. Would your character be the kind capable of killing? Would they enjoy killing or only use it when necessary or, perhaps, refuse to kill no matter what?

 She is absolutely capable of killing, but very much “only when necessary” thing.

32. If your character’s lover offered to take them out on a dream date, what would they want to do?

 “Hey hot stuff, what say you and i curl up in front of the fireplace and talk about magic and kiss and snuggle”

33. If your character wanted to be alone, where would they go?

 She’s got a couple of little nooks and crannies around Gridania that are nice and secluded.

34. Does your character have favorite foods? (breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert, snacks, etc)

She ikes her some fish!  Any kind, preferably raw.

35. Is your character afraid of death? If they got to choose how to die, how would they want to go?

 She’s not scared of dying, but if she had to choose how to go, it would be “in her sleep, of old age”.

36. Does your character have any medical conditions? Are they serious or minor? Do they affect their day to day life?

 She got Cerebellar Hypoplasia.  It’s the kind that gets better as you grow up, so she’s not as “randomly flops over” as when she was a kid, but she’s still really clumsy because of it.

37. What are some of your character’s pet peeves? What are some things that annoy them or disgust them?

 People being dicks to their chocobos.

38. What kind of weather does your character like? Cloudy skies, rainy days, sunshine, etc?

 She likes rain, snow, and overcast weather!

39. When people look at your character, is there some assumption they might make about them just by appearance? Is that assumption correct?

 They’ll probably assume she’s a huge dork.  And be completely correct.

40. Does your OC have any guilty pleasures they enjoy? Hobbies, past times, music, etc that they wouldn’t want known by others?

 Not really!

41. Does your character’s family affect your character in any way?

 In that she misses them, absolutely.

42. Is there anything in your character’s past that they regret, haunts them, or they wish they could change?

 Honestly she’s pretty happy with how things turned out for her.

43. Does your character have a switch that changes aspects of their personality whether they are around friends, family, etc. Is there someone who gets to see their true self?

 Cehrih is very much the kind of person who wears their heart on their sleeve, she’s always Cehrih.

44. Is there a particular event that would emotionally devastate your character?

 Loss of her family or friends.

45. Is your character the kind to hide their true emotions or do they wear their heart on their sleeve?

 Hurr hurr nice try, ask meme, i already answered that

46. What is some random affectionate thing that your character always does to their lover?

 Gentle tailtugs :3

47. Is your character outgoing? Would they be the leader of the friend group, or the quiet one that gets dragged along?

 She’s very much the quiet one!  She doesn’t really socialise outside the Scions and Adders.

48. Is there anything in particular that would ignite your character’s jealousy? Or does your character not get envious?

 She might get jealous of a really nice pair of glasses.

49. What is something that your character has nightmares about? Are these frequent? Do they heavily affect your character’s mood?

 She gets nightmares about going back to her original timeline sometimes.  She’s grown to like this one a lot more.  Sometimes Nheu worries about the fact that Cehrih cries out in her sleep about once a month.

50. If your character confessed love to their crush, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc, what would they say?

  “hey w-wanna hold hands”

[junioradventure]

[FANACCT] IMFACT- Tension Up Fansign+Fanmeeting (IMFACTORY) 170521- PLUS tips for these events! (Fanboy)

Hi everyone~ I’m here to share my amazing experience at IMFACT’s Fansign + Fanmeeting Event! If you were looking for reasons to stan IMFACT, I’m here to help you. Simply put, IMFACT treats their fans very well, and especially care for their international fans, as they want to have many opportunities to perform in all the countries around the world. 

I love this concept; it’s so bright, vivid, and screams energetic!

TIME TO START THE FANACCOUNT! Information about this event: - IMFACT has not had an actual fansign event in Korea for a really long time, probably since “Feel So Good” era. They had a CD signing event in Japan not too long ago, but they said it was not the same as a real fansign event. So this was a special event prepared for fans, and doubled as a fanmeeting (involves live performances). - The event participation was carried out first-come first-serve to 120 people. - To apply for this event, the process was different from the traditional fansign process. Instead of buying an album on-site or online, two requirements had to be fulfilled: * We had to send Star Empire Ent. an email with the appropriate information (name, account number, Daum fancafe ID, etc.) before the deadline * We had to send the money (20,000 won) through an account transfer at the appropriate time slot. In this case, when it hit 8pm on the day the payment period started, we could proceed with the account transfer. Because of this, having a Korean bank account was extremely helpful and made the process much easier.  - The staff provided the CD on-site, which made sense because we had to do an account transfer instead of the usual process. The CD had no wrapper and might be a special edition for this event. Nothing seems different about this album than a normal one, except the fact that it seemed like it was opened (plus there was no photocard, idk if the actual album has one or not). I transferred my money right when it struck 8 and played the waiting game. After worrying about getting in, I finally found out that I had gotten in... Thank goodness. I was waiting for a chance to meet them since “In the Club” came out. ON THE DAY OF... Okay. So the event would start at around 2pm according to the post on the fancafe. I woke up at 10ish and left right before noon. The event was held at a Catholic Youth Center (of all places) in Hongdae. I knew Hongdae somewhat but not the exact whereabouts of this site, so I wanted to leave earlier just in case I wandered too much. It turns out, the location was very easy to find, so I grabbed a bite at the convenience store and then went to the Youth Center. I had to say, at first when everyone was lining up, things were a bit confusing. We were told to go down to the lobby floor (accessible by staircase) to check-in. Apparently, the staff were calling us in by numerical order, but on the fancafe post with the official list of participants, there weren’t any numbers by our names. Instead, we had to manually count down the list of people to find our number, and we would tell that to the staff. That must have been a bit annoying for the people who were farther down the list, especially in the 100′s. Luckily, I was only number 40. The order of our names was actually our seat order. That means I was in seat 40. The staff called us in by groups of 5-10. I confirmed my identity with only an ID needed to prove it. Once I was verified, the staff gave me a piece of paper with my seat number and a bottle of sparkling water (how thoughtful!) Then it was waiting time again.

Don’t lose any piece of paper, especially one with your seat number, given to you by staff at the event. They also gave us a complementary sticky note where we write our name. We would stick this on the inside of our albums, opposite of the photo pages for the members’ reference when they sign your album.  I brought extra sticky notes to mark where each member would sign. You should always bring spare notes because you can use this chance to ask the members a question or write a lovely note for them. Note: Some groups do not allow questions, so always follow the rules and read the information carefully on fancafe updates. After a bit more waiting, we could go in! I should probably get started on the actual event and the members. OK! We were waiting when all of a sudden, THE LIGHTS JUST DIMMED AND TURNED OFF. LIKE WHAT THE. The room was silent until “Please Be My First Love” CAME ON AND IMFACT WALKED ONSTAGE, SINGING IT LIVE! My heart died for a little instant, as my brain struggled to comprehend and process what was happening. Everyone seemed to be shook because there was not a single noise from the audience when IMFACT began singing. That was such a nice surprise and ahhhh I just love that song so much. Listen and love it lots.

After that impromptu performance, the boys sat at the table for the start of the fansigning. They greeted us and said a few words, thanking us for coming to this long-awaited event. Jian tried to add some things, but he kinda hesitated and seemed so cutely awkward like awww it’s okay, you’re so precious!!  ONE RANDOM CUTE NOTE: The members commented about how many people came to this event, specially international fans (there was a handful of English-speaking fans there, and a lot of Japanese fans ((yay!))) BUT SANG ACTUALLY ANNOUNCED, “There’s a male fan here too!” AND THAT WAS ME Y’ALL. I WAS THE ONLY MALE FAN THERE AND AHHH I FELT SO SPECIAL. I waved like crazy when Sang said that, and some fans laughed. Taeho and Jian seemed pleasantly amused at this. Soon, the fansigning portion officially began. Let’s move on to individual member interactions I had~ (warning: FEELS AHEAD!!) The order was like this: Jeup→Ungjae(bias!!)→Sang→Taeho→Jian HANDSOME MAIN VOCAL, PARK JEUP ★ Jeup was so friendly and talkative!! Even though my Korean isn’t perfect, we talked the whole time. What really makes me appreciate a group is when they take into consideration your level of Korean if you’re an international fan. Some groups (not going to name names) make the situation awkward for international fans because of the language barrier. I’m not bashing these groups just for that reason, but it still is disappointing when you want to be open and flexible to your diverse fanbase, wherever they may be from. What I mean is, I had an experience with an idol group or two where members did not talk to me much, in English nor Korean, even when I was trying my hardest to speak in Korean. Thankfully, Jeup complimented my Korean skills. Anyway, he asked when I became a fan of them. I told him ever since “Feel So Good” era, and that I especially liked that track. I asked him, what was his favorite song, and he first replied, “Tension Up”, but also added, “In the Club” and “Please Be My First Love”. I agreed, saying that the trio of songs were all great. I commented that I especially think of PBMFL as 강추 (strong recommendation). Jeup burst out in laughter and complimented me again, saying that I even knew slang like “강추".  He also asked where I came from, which is like a customary question we international fans get from idols. I told him America, specifically Hawaii, and pointed at the post-it note for him.

Translation- Q:This isn’t a question, but please come to Hawaii! A: All right. We’ll definitely go. (YAAAAAAAAAAAS PLEASE COME AND VACATION IN HAWAII!!) Jeup looked at the note and actually said he really wants to visit Hawaii. I advertised the islands to him, saying that the weather is nice, the sceneries are great, and he added, “the beaches are good too”. So, he expressed that he wants to take all of the members there to have fun. Please do, we’ll welcome you warmly~ Finally, I told him his hairstyle was really nice today. It was spiked up and it really suited him! He thanked me, and I asked what he personally thought of it. J: I like it. Styling the hair upward is very masculine. Me: Right, I agree. Do you prefer having your hair styled up or bangs down? J: *thinks for a bit* I think both is good, but now, having your hair styled up is rather cool now. So I personally like it this way. Me: Yeah! Especially since nowadays it’s quite hot, right? J: Right! Then I told him I’d continue supporting IMFACT in the future. Such a cool guy~ Gonna hold you to your words, Jeup. See you guys in Hawaii. A hui ho! BOYFRIEND MATERIAL/GENIUS LYRICIST/SHY CUTIE BIAS, NA UNGJAE!! ❤ Okay, I’m already dying of feels again and I haven’t even told you guys my interaction. So I can’t believe I was actually meeting Ungjae. I spazzed about him so much recently before and I had so many feels, but it’s always so different when you meet idols in real life. I told him I’m from Hawaii, like I always do.  U: Hawaii? Wow. Me: Am I the first fan from Hawaii? U: *kind of confused* Sorry? Me: Am I the first fan from Hawaii that you’ve met? U: Ah, yes *laughs* Me: *proud* U: And you’ve come all the way to Korea. Me: Yeah, I’m actually an exchange student. U: Wow, really? *impressed* You’re really good at Korean. Me: Ah, thank you. I still got a long way to go. But I’ve been in Korea for around 9 months.  And, since this was a golden opportunity, thanks to my friend’s suggestion, I decided to just wing it and see what would happen if I wrote my bias a cute joking question.

Translation: Ungjae-yah, I like you the best ㅎㅎ Wanna go shopping together later? (I’m older so I’m using banmal/informal language) Bottom right corner of signature: Thank you!! I WAS SO SHY WHEN HE KEPT LOOKING AT THE NOTE, I WAS LIKE OMG OKAY MAYBE I SHOULDN’T HAVE WRITTEN IT, WHAT IF HE REPLIES NEGATIVELY?! But that was just my panic mode. Most idols with a good heart would play along! But since this was the first time I met my bias face to face, I was slightly worried what he would think. This is how the convo basically went: U:  Ah, shopping? *curious* Me: Yeah *laughs uncomfortably, shy shy shy af* U: *genuinely interested* What kinds of clothes do you want? Me: I like casual clothes U: *smiles* Ah, casual? Ah, I like hip-hop style so... Hongdae has a few places, not a lot. But for casual clothes... *recommends some stuff but I forgot what he said exactly, sorry bb* We talked a bit more about stores and things. It felt more like he was giving me recommendations HAHA but since he wrote, “Cool~!” on my note, then I’ll take that as a yes ❤ Anyway, I got pretty bold at this point and thought, well, might as well just go all out. Me: Actually, you’re my favorite member. You’re really handsome. U: *shyly smiles* *bows head slowly in appreciation* AHHHHHH HE WAS SO ADORABLE WHEN HE WAS SHY, SUCH A QTPIE I SWEAR. SUCH CHARISMA ONSTAGE BUT IN PERSON HE’S JUST A CINNAMON ROLL AHHHH STAN UNGJAE STAN IMFACT EVERYONE. Lastly, I asked him about his work as IMFACT’s lyricist. Me: So, you’re in charge of composing lyrics? U: Of course. Me: When you write lyrics, where do you usually draw your inspiration? U: *thinks* hmm... Well, I just draw inspiration from real life. When I’m thinking about something or when I watch a show or drama, I just get thoughts and write them. It was time to move on, so I gave him one last firm handshake and moved on. Thanks to his sunny smile, I was able to feel accomplished after talking to him. I officially didn’t mess up royally in front of my bias! THE SUNSHINE OF IMFACT, LEE SANG ☀ LOVE, LOVE, LOVE THIS GUY. HE WAS SO NICE!! He already pointed me out in the beginning but seriously, this guy is awesome. Right when I moved to him, he extended his hand out and gave me a big, friendly handshake. He greeted me, “What’s up?!!” in English. S: Ah, Hawaii~ my sister went to America. (I love that random transition of topics) Me: Really? Where in America? S: *says in English* America. For study. Me: *internally: I know Sang, I’m asking where* Where, in America? *says it again* S: *I think he didn’t specify, or he forgot, but he said she just studied abroad, and came back. I just accepted that answer lol* Me: You should come visit Hawaii!! And then he proceeds to tell me that he really wants to go. He looks at my post-it.

Translation- Q: Do you have a favorite Nine Muses song? (NM and IMFACT are same company) I told him that I really like Namyu and that they’re my favorite group, and since the two groups are the same company, I wanted to ask him what his fave song from them was. He wrote Drama, and ofc I love that song too. Darn, I forgot some other little things I might have talked to him about. But here’s another thing~ (I was just speaking my mind at this point) Me: Since there’s a lot I don’t know, who is the visual in IMFACT? S: Actually, we leave it up to the fans, who see members as visuals in their own viewpoints. Like, if a fan watches us, they’ll think “Ah, I like this one! He’s a visual!” These kinds of thoughts. So it’s an individual’s preference. *how precious is this* Me: Really? Well, honestly, I think you’re the visual. S: Ah, really? *short shy moment, gives me another handshake for the compliment* Me: Yeah, you’re really, really handsome. I can’t stress this enough, THIS GUY IS SO GREAT!! I forget what else we talked about, but at the end, I got flustered lol just.... ahhhhhhh > < NEXT, MAIN DANCER BUT TRYNA SNATCH DAT MAIN VOCAL POSITION, KIM TAEHO ♦ Taeho is really cool and just polite and nice~ I just loved his reaction when I said I was from Hawaii. He was like, “Wa, Hawaii?” like aw. And I had to tell him about how cool it was that he got more lines this comeback. Seriously, seems like all the vocals in this group can be main.  Me: Also, I really like how you got a lot of parts this time around. T: Ah, really? *smiles* You like my vocals? Me: Yeah! Compared to the older songs, you got a lot of parts. Isn’t it nice?  T: Yep~ *high-five* Thank you~ Me: Hm, how are the parts distributed, anyway? T: Actually, we each get together and divide the parts based on who fits the lines the most. We come to an agreement and split the parts that way. Like we say, “Oh, I think you would fit this part well”, and so on. Me: Wow, that’s nice~ What do you honestly think of the title track, “Tension Up”? T: I do like it. It’s really exciting. I also like In the Club and especially Please Be My First Love. That kind of style. *sly self-promo as always* Me; I agree!  T: We have more songs in store, so please anticipate them. Me: Ah, could you give me a little hint about the next track? *COMEBACK SPOILER EXCLUSIVELY FROM TAEHO* T: Compared to “Tension Up”, the next one is a bit... slower tempo. It’s hip-hop, but more... relaxing? Chill? Me: Ah, really? Sounds exciting. I’ll continue supporting IMFACT in the future~

I don’t remember much else that we talked about, but that was still a lot~ Such a sweet guy. Really cares for his fans, like all of them.  THE AWKWARD BUT SWAG RAPPER LEADER, LEE JIAN ♠ Last but definitely not least, I met Jian~ Awkward little greetings ftw. Me: Hi~ Jian-ssi~ Oh, where’d your note go? JA: Hi, it’s right here~ *looks at said note* Me: Oh *flustered af, drops head in embarrassment*

Translation-  Q: Is an IMFACT X Nine Muses collab possible?? A: We’ve done one! On the picture: Nine Muses Noonas are coming back soon, so please give them lots of support, and if a chance for a collab presents itself, we’ll do it for sure! In response to my surprise at his answer, we had a convo. JA: We collaborated before. Me: Oh right, "Dream”, right? (referring to Sang x Keumjo’s duet) JA: Actually, during the Star Empire Family Concert in Japan. Me: Oh, really? JA: Yeah. It was me and Keumjo-noona, we did a collab. Me: Ah, which song? I didn’t know. JA: Taeyang-sunbaenim’s “Eyes, Nose, Lips”. Me: Oh, I’ve never seen it. Do you think it would be on YouTube? JA: I think it’ll come up if you search it there. I told him about Nine Muses being my favorite girl group, and he mentioned that they helped IMFACT a lot, and he really appreciates them. AND HERE’S WHEN I LITERALLY SAID WHAT HAS BEEN BOTHERING ME FOR SOME TIME LOL HEAR ME OUT, OKAY? Me: Okay, this isn’t an insult, but I have something to say... JA: Okay, what is it? Me: When I look at you, Jian, I think of Euaerin. You remind me of her a lot. Like your tone... And I remember when you impersonated her. JA: Ah, really?~ *smiling* Actually, I really look up to her. She’s helped me a lot. *I forgot what he said specifically, but he was really chill and nice about this LOL I hope it didn’t offend him cuz they could be counterparts! Killer rappers and amazing dancers.*

Like look at this goddess

And then look at this hunk! LOL. Their sharp features stand out, and they’re really charismatic. (God I miss Euaerin now).  And then it was time to continue my attack on Jian. But this time, I wanted to give him a direct compliment~ Me: But Jian-ssi. JA: *interested* yes? Me:You’re really handsome. JA: *amused at my straightforwardness* Ah, thank you~ *laughs* Me: Yeah, especially this... *gestures at the amazing tie he’s wearing, bless his outfit and his whole existence* It suits you very much. Did you pick it yourself? JA: Actually, the stylists did it...  Me: Oh, well it still looks good! Then it was time to go *sad face* Me: *reads Jian’s message on my album* Ah, but don’t worry~ I’m not just a Nine Muses fan, I’m also IMFACT’s fan~ I’ll support you in the future! JA: Thank you! See you! Me: Bye bye! JA: Bye~ Junior~~ Just the way he said my name at the end made me so warm on the inside hehehehe~ they are all sweethearts. It took a long while to go through all 120 fans, but it was great. They had a little game session with the fans, where they would draw something on a notepad and then the fans guess the answer. The ones who answered would get a chance to take a selca with them. *ahhh jelly* Honestly, during that game, I was confused AF about what they were drawing LMAO I did not know how the fans could get all the right answers! I was stumped. Then IMFACT performed some songs, as this was the “fanmeeting” part of the event. They performed some fan favorites- Tension Up (of course) and Lollipop. And during Lollipop, Sang was EXTRA and ran offstage momentarily and I GOT TO TOUCH HIS HAND AGAIN~! HE’S SO GREAT WITH FANSERVICE. LOVE YOU SANG!! Seriously, they know how to charm their fans and make them feel loved! It was almost time to go, but IMFACT asked the staff if they could do one more encore stage of Please Be My First Love. The fans were cheering, wanting it, AND SO WAS I, LIKE THIS SONG IS SUCH A TREASURE. BEST CHILL SONG RIGHT NOW. Refreshing like a breath of spring air~ Their vocals were on point and it was cute because in the middle, when Ungjae started rapping, his mic turned off for some reasons and had some difficulties but the members helped and lent him a mic until it started working again. So talented and thoughtful agh.  Then, it was time to go~ they waved goodbye and the lights dimmed and turned off again, just like the beginning. Just as they had come. They all disappeared backstage, except Jeup who straggled and stayed back a little to say one last cute farewell to the audience. And that was it. A great day well spent. It was so worth the trouble of applying, even if it was a different format than I was used to. IMFACT is so underrated, and I think Star Empire is not doing the best that they can to help them succeed. Like, the members are all charming and talented and exceptional, but their title songs are not innovative, unique, or otherwise outstanding to really catch the public’s eye. Star Empire failed ZE:A and they messed up Namyu, and I feel so bad for IMFACT. But hope remains, and I will keep supporting them in their journey. I wish them all the luck for stardom.  Please give IMFACT a try. Listen to their b-sides too, they have really good side tracks, which seem to be the real hidden gems of their music. RECOMMENDATIONS FROM ME: Woo Please Be My First Love (If I didn’t stress this enough) In The Club (an excellent r&b, more somber song of theirs) Mirrorz Feel So Good (a really underrated title track, really hype-worthy) And that’s it for my fanaccount!! It’s super long but it’s all my thoughts~ I’m going to make a video for this whole experience, hopefully by tomorrow. I spent so much time on this, hahaha. Until next time~