#hysteric marker

[vintageslideshow]

"On this spot in 1893, nothing happened."

[spinspoon]

teehee spooky theme

[steviewashere]

Steve and Eddie being teenage boys (even in their twenties, even though they technically are no longer teenagers), a list that I've been making in my head (some of them are stupid and some of them are sweet, but this is a long list, be warned):

Steve teaching Eddie how to burp the alphabet after drinking soda. He's phenomenal at it. Like...almost disgustingly so. It ends up turning into a one up competition pretty fast after that.

Eddie who knows how to drag race and takes Steve on ridiculously fast drives down empty streets at night (when Steve's had a terrible night). He steps on the gas and goes: "Weeee!!!" as they speed. (Please don't speed. It is dangerous. But for the sake of entertaining their pea brains, this is what they do.)

Eddie and Steve who have been participating in a several month long tagging game. They slap each other on the back of shoulders as hard as they possibly can before skittering off like a little goblin.

Steve and Eddie think it's soooo fucking funny to blow up condoms like balloons when they're stoned.

Steve and Eddie who get stoned and they go shop for munchies at the local grocery store, both hysterically giggling at figuring out how to be "normal" people in public. (They are failing miserably.)

Steve who makes Eddie play basketball with him sometimes. And then he purposefully tosses the ball at Eddie rather than the basket. It devolves into wresting in the grass, heads in elbows, knuckles across scalps, kicking each other in the shins.

One time, Steve falls asleep at Eddie's on the couch. And instead of being all sweet and doting, Eddie finds a marker and draws a penis on Steve's face. He gets water poured on his head the next time he falls asleep at Steve's as payback.

Steve and Eddie comforting each other through nightmares and hardships and healing injuries, both in sort of constipated, mumbled ways. Pats to the back and leaning in close to each other, resting heads on shoulders. Passing cigarettes or beers back and forth just to pass the time, not really talking. Exchanging words afterwards like, "You're a great friend," and "You're the best person I know." Because they both need that and recognize that, even outside of the petty, childish things they do to each other.

Eddie, who understands that the pool at Steve's is a sore spot, instead of prodding them to get in, he plans out a whole water balloon fight to stave off the summer heat.

Steve, who knows that music has been a source of calm for Eddie over the years, makes sure there's always a cassette that Eddie can play in case it gets too quiet.

Eddie and Steve who shit talk each other in the arcade, beating each other's high scores if only to rile the other one up.

Steve who always checks Eddie's ID before he goes into the adult only room in Family Video. Despite knowing that Eddie is definitely over the age of eighteen. Sometimes he denies Eddie entry in front of Keith just to make him pout. (He thinks it's cute.)

Eddie and Steve watching porn together, criticizing the moans the entire time because they know for sure it's fake. And on the same note of moans, Eddie who gets a call from Wayne and Steve fake moans in the background the entire time. Steve gets a call from his parents and Eddie shouts really loud in the background for Steve to pass the joint back. They just glare at each other before getting in another tag fight throughout wherever they're at.

Eddie who goes into Family Video after Steve strikes out again. Who just walks up to the counter and starts acting like one of those girls, twirling his hair and pouting his lips and blinking his eyes, making his voice high pitched. (It gets Steve to giggle instead of pout, so Eddie calls it a win.)

Eddie guzzling an entire can of Coke and then spraying it out of his nose when Steve makes him laugh too hard. Steve's never made anybody laugh that hard.

Steve and Eddie who claim it's not gay to make their boners kiss. I mean...what? Who said that?

Steve and Eddie who play-punch a little too hard when playing punch buggy on vacation.

Speaking of vacation, Steve and Eddie going to a beach over the summer. They chase each other up and down the sand. They roll off of the sand hills. Eddie buries Steve in the sand and applies sunscreen to his face as he just accepts his fate. Steve helps Eddie make a sandcastle, a secret talent of his being how structurally sound he can build one.

Steve and Eddie playing with Legos while talking shit about Family Video customers. They toss Sour Patch Kids into each other's mouths as they talk. Sometimes hitting each other in the face purposefully.

Steve and Eddie who get drunk one night and go catch a wild possum. Robin screams at them to put it back because, "No, you dinguses, that is not a cat!"

Eddie and Steve taking care of each other on bad pain days. Trying to entertain the other with stupid jokes or shitty movies or gossip.

Eddie sharing his uncle with Steve when he finds out that Mr. and Mrs. Harrington are terrible motherfuckers. Who makes sure Steve is comfortable in his home around Wayne.

Steve conspiring with Wayne to make sure that Eddie always has the best birthday parties. Because the one thing he really held onto from his King Steve years was how to throw a small get together, and how, especially, to make it extremely awesome and memorable.

Steve who gets Eddie new albums he's been eyeing for his birthday. Ones Eddie knows he'd never be able to afford on his own, always a little sullen when he looks at the price. Steve who still has access to his dad's credit card and will max it out just for Eddie to get his fill.

Eddie makes homemade things for Steve's birthday. Cards and trinkets and drawings—things Steve's old high school buddies never considered as gifts, even though they have the most impact on Steve, even though they matter the most.

Steve and Eddie who love each other, insurmountably. Despite sometimes being major buttheads to each other.

[kaciebello]

hi, can you make a Draco Malfoy x Slytherin (female) reader please?

also, I'm really sorry about your chameleon!!

Drunken confessions

Masterlist Draco Malfoy x fem!reader Summary: Draco has a crush, and as a typical teenage boy, he has no idea how to deal with it. Warning: none author note: Sorry it took so long, this is way overdue. Also sorry it is so short but I felt like if I added more it would ruin it a bit. But I'm gonna be honest, I don't think you come to me for long fics. Btw if you see the pictures under each other and not next on pc, I am sorry, tumbler is tripping a bit. Word count: 1k Song: In My Dreams - Red Velvet

Slytherins were a proud house. Sometimes, they are too proud for their own good. But it’s not like somebody is going to tell them otherwise, and let's be honest, they are not going to listen to Rawenclar of Hufflepuff, and certainly not Grifindoor. Draco was aware of his pride and was proud of this too. There was just one person who would humble him any chance they got.

Sitting across him in the common room was a girl he despised. She was getting on his nerves just the way she smiled. She shared the same circle of high-up Slytherins as him, so he couldn't get rid of her. he tried once, but was shot down by the whole group. Sure, was he in another house, his friends might have said he had a crush on the girl. but he is a proud Slytherin, so he will never admit that out loud. Athou if you were to ask Matteo, he sure has a video of Draco crying hysterically over his crush.

it was only a short time before everyone returned to their own bedrooms. Draco stayed behind, finding himself nauseous when getting up. He was sitting there, nursing a small glass of water and staring at nothing with a blank expression. he could feel the sofa dip next to him but he could not be bothered. It’s when he feels a tap on his shoulder that he lifts his head.

There she sat next to him, flashing her pearly whites at him as if she wanted to blind him. His own smile crept on his face as he looked at her. God, he was whipped. She didn't say anything and Draco couldn't figure out if he was hallucinating. He didn’t want her to disappear. The girl let out a sigh.

“What are you doing here? It’s late. Why don’t you go to bed?” she says, looking all over his face for any sigh of exhaustion, or worse, some kind of mischievous spell.  Draco did not answer. Instead, he rested his head on the back of the sofa, looking at the ceiling. The girl didn’t say anything like she was expecting him to be a moody teenager.

He could feel her take his class and place it on the table in front of them. He could smell her perfume every time she moved and it drove him crazy. She made herself comfortable. Arms resting on the back of the sofa looking at him, her legs thrown over his lap. Dracos put his hands on them without even thinking about it.

“Can I have a question? “ She says. draco turns his his head so they are face to face.

“shoot”

“what are we?”

“unshoot” a gentle laugh leaves her as he answers.

Silence falls upon them. To others, it might have been awkward, but to them, it felt comforting. If Draco had to put any labels on them, he would write giant ‘ simp ‘ in a red marker on his face. She would be a goddess, of course. He turns to her again. She's looking at him with eyes full of curiosity.

“Ya know,” he starts, “I don't think I've ever told you this. But you’re lowkey pretty.” “Lowkey?”

“Yea okay, highkey.” Be blurs out. She again laughs. A sound that Draco swore he would hear at the pearly gates one day.

“Well, I'm glad you think I’m pretty. I would be pretty bumped if my crush thought I'm ugly.” She says. draco just hums, not really paying attention to her words. His eyes keep jumping between her eyes and lips. The girl just sighs again.

“Come one big guy, let's get you to bed.”  She makes a move to get up but Draco is not letting her move. A brilliant idea came to his mind and he felt like he was going to die if he did not execute it right at this moment.  He moved her close to his, as much as he could. One hand sneaked around her waist and the other around her neck. He leaned in so close that he could feel her breath on her face. Even up close he found her so pretty, it almost made him cry.  She was looking at him. Watching him studying her as if he was trying to engrave her face in his memory. She wanted him to move, she wanted him to close the gap between them, but alas he wouldn't move. Seemingly in his own world, with no way in.

So she did it for him. Only for a split second, Draco felt her lips on his. He was left chasing after her when she moved away. A small whine left him as well. He stayed there looking at her, a pout forming on his lips as if she had just stolen his last piece of candy.

“Ya know, I lowkey like you,” he says, very proud of his confession. His brain drifted away again as he locked his eyes on her lips once more.

“ I like you too, dummy.” She says back, playing with his hair softly. draco let out a hum as that was the only thing he needed to hear before locking their lips again. He leaned her back so she lay flat on the sofa. He separated them for a second.

“You know, this is not just a drunken confession. I don't do those.” He says and goes to kiss her again. She stops him with her hand on his chest. A wide smile on her face melted Draco's heart away.

“You meant like that one time you told me about how you slipped naked in the perfect bathroom and slid from one end to the other on your butt?”

“I told you that in confidence!” He whines and hides his face in her neck. She can only laugh.

[mixelation]

worked on some async today. takes place immediately after tori attempts to turn minato into soup

Tori watched Minato disappear into the water in great satisfaction. She peered over the embankment. Steam clouded her view, but she could see his blue and green uniform under the rolling boil of the river. The bodies of dead minnows bubble up above him. 

Then he disappeared. 

Tori tensed automatically. She hadn’t caught him dropping any Hiraishin markers anywhere, but ninja were sneaky. 

Minato didn’t spontaneously appear behind her over the course of the next minute, and Tori relaxed ever so slightly. A bigger fish came to the top of the still boiling river, its body flipping over and over. 

So. Boiling someone alive did not kill them nearly as fast as she had expected. She’d seen various propaganda about Terumi Mei cooking people alive with steam, and that varied from “instant death” if you were pro-Mei, to “incredibly long and painful and cruel” if you were anti-Mei. But Tori had given little weight to the propaganda as actual evidence, aside from that she was positive boiling hot water could kill you. 

Hopefully Minato was currently dying of his injuries wherever he had gone. While Tori could not recall any stories about people being boiled alive, but she was something of a connoisseur in bizarre and horrific bodily harm. Sometimes adrenaline was enough to get a ninja through the initial part of receiving a major injury, only to collapse moments later. Tori balled her hands into fists, her fingernails digging into her palms. She hoped his pretty eyes were cooked solid. Then he’d never be able to trick a poor girl’s heart with a pretty face ever again. 

On the other hand, given Tori had no real data about boiling people alive, she could be royally fucked if he lived. It occurred to her that he definitely had Hiraishin markers back in the village, and if he had pulled some sort of main character ninjutsu bullshit and was still fighting fit, he could just come back to the river and kill her. 

I guess I’ll just lie out my ass again, Tori decided, trying to convince her brain not to panic. She was very obviously just a civilian woman who couldn’t even get her life together to wash her hair properly. She could act hysterical and say the Kumo-nin had told her the trap did something else, or else that she was just trying to protect her home and beg for mercy. It would be humiliating, but while Minato obviously had no qualms about killing ninja without asking questions first, he did seem to want to play nice with civilians. 

Also, if he did kill her, probably he would just abandon her body like he had the Kumo-nin. He was unlikely to stick around long enough to figure out Tori’s little problem with dying and attempt to kidnap or question her over. 

It’ll fine either way, Tori told herself. She still didn’t go back to the village. Instead, she walked stiffly down the embankment as fast as she could without breaking into a run. She was going to miss the dirty laundry and the cute crab mug she’d left behind, but all her other belongings were in a storage seal, and she didn’t want to risk going back and discovering a pissed off and half-boiled Minato. 

Minato did not show to bother her at all that day, as she marched forth in a random direction. He didn’t show up during the horrible three hours of paranoid sleep she got while camping. 

When a full twenty-fours passed, Tori finally started to calm down. She’d found a fisherman and convinced him to take her further down the river than she could get walking, and while she wasn’t untrackable, she gained confidence that Minato was at the very least too injured to hunt her down immediately. 

She tried to travel deeper into Grass Country as fast as she could, paying for transport more often than she would normally. 

Days passed and no news sprang up about the Yellow Flash mysteriously dying, but also there were no new sightings of him. Tori had no way to draw real conclusions from this. Konoha was unlikely to advertise him dying or being grievously injured, but also he was a key player in the war and his enemies would be sniffing around for information like this. That there was no news could mean she’d succeeded, or it could be she’d failed and so there was nothing worth gossiping about. 

The lack of knowing what had happen turned to a festering sort of anxiety that kept her up at night and made her head dizzy at random moments. And so, Tori switched up her goals. Even if she’d killed Minato properly, that his body was somewhere where she couldn’t hide what she’d done meant Konoha could potentially track her down. She needed to protect herself more than ever. She holed up in a cheap hotel in the middle of nowhere and spent every waking moment making drafts of seal diagrams and fussing. 

How to set up a barrier that could activate faster than a ninja could kill her…? She could paint i directly on her skin, then link its activation to being hit, or to an increase in her heart rate. This would mean she’d inevitably activate it on accident when she walked into a table or got excited about something, but perhaps for now she didn’t care…

Weeks passed. Tori’s anxiety hit a maximum where she didn’t sleep at all one night, and then slowly started to calm. She obtained a raw potato and stuck it in her room’s windowsill to sprout, hoping to use it to add to her chakra phylogeny. She walked into town and stole a library book to try and add to her notes on plant and animal relatedness. She did accidentally activate her seal multiple times, but at least she knew it worked. 

Her funds were running dangerously low, and she’d have to move on soon. She started talking to people again, asking about where war refugees in this area were moving to, and if she could join a caravan. 

She was organizing her things one evening, preparing to move out the next morning. She’d spread all her various fuuinjutsu and research materials across her bed, and stood over it with her hands on her hips, debating the best way to repack and also, how to best transport a sprouted potato?

She looked up at her window potato, now in a paper cup with dirt. It had grown three alien-looking shoots, jagging out at random angles before reaching towards the window. 

Then, as she regarded her potato, a shadow passed over the window. Tori frowned. The window started to move upwards, a hand appearing in the open space, and Tori’s eyes widened. 

She panicked, obviously, which activated her barrier. This was still somehow not faster than the Yellow Flash could break into her hotel room. 

He was toe-to-toe with her in an instant, kunai in hand. Tori yelped in horror as the barrier flicked up around them, a dark pink bubble that was supposed to keep her safe. 

Somehow, Minato looked exactly the same as before, like she hadn’t done her best to turn him into soup. 

The barrier pressed him up against her, his chest and shoulders blocking her view of the rest of the room as he boxed her in, and Tori’s back hit the other side of the barrier. Minato's arm was forced forward as he bent over her, and thank God he was competent enough to roll the kunai in his hand so the broadside pressed against her neck rather than the sharp edge. His chin brushed against the top of her head. 

Tori wished he smelled bad, so she could find this new predicament gross. Instead, he just sort of smelled like dirt and an inoffensive odor of sweat. His body against hers was also warm and firm and bigger than her in a way she regrettably found she liked. 

He also maybe wanted to kill her. She needed to focus on that. The rush of adrenaline and the increase in her heart rate was very confusing in this moment. 

“Oh,” he said, sounding mildly surprised but not at all upset. The hand not holding the knife reached around her, knuckles knocking on the barrier next to her head. “Interesting. Well, I still think this is my win.”

What the hell is he talking about? Tori thought. She was sure he could feel her rapidly beating heart, as sure as she could feel his completely steady heartbeat. 

Well, if he wasn’t already pissed off, she could test the waters a little to see if she could figure out what he wanted. 

“You haven’t won yet,” she said hotly. “What are you going to do? Trap yourself indefinitely in an enclosed space with my corpse?”

He shifted slightly, bringing the kunai away from her throat. He could only pull his head away a couple inches, and he didn’t step back so his body was still pressed against hers, but it was enough distance that she could peer up and see he was smirking at her. His eyes were exactly as pretty as they’d been before. 

Oh no, his smirk is hot, Tori thought helplessly, regretting yet again that boiling was a less efficient murder technique than she’d anticipated. Her insides squirmed with some bizarre contradictory emotion. She was terrified, yes, but also she was a little turned on. 

Then suddenly they were standing on the other side of the room, near the door. He must have chucked a kunai across the room in the tiny fraction of a moment before the barrier had gone up. The barrier was still in place around them. 

Minato’s smirk slipped slightly. Somehow, Tori found his apparent confusion even hotter. 

“Oh, did you try to teleport us both out?” she asked, and smooth and coy as she could make her voice given her insides were flipping out in either panic or arousal. “You’re not getting me out of this that easily.”

Minato was outside of the barrier a second later, and the kunai clattered to her feet, undoubtedly scratching up her shoes. He’d left Tori where she stood, with the marked kunai still in the barrier in case he wanted to go back in. 

He hadn’t gone far— just back to where he’d stabbed a kunai into the wall over her bed. Somehow, on top of planting multiple kunai and outrunning her barrier, he’d also left her window potato completely untouched. Damn him for being so thorough. 

“How’d you do it?” he asked, sounding genuinely curious. His eyes were bright and inviting in a way that made Tori want to answer. Even though he’d literally held a knife to her throat only a moment earlier, he just seemed like he’d be really easy to talk to. 

Touché, she thought. 

“Do what? This barrier?” she said. “Believe it or not, you’re not the only ninja who wants to kill me. A girl learns to protect herself.”

Minato flopped down to sit on her bed and cocked his head. 

“I don’t want to kill you,” he said plainly. 

“Uh-huh,” Tori replied. 

“So how long does your barrier last?” Minato asked, leaning back on his hands. “I have all night. Do you?”

Tori twitched in annoyance. The barrier was tied to her, so it would be up as long as she was alive and producing chakra, or until she chose to deactivate it. But she didn’t want him to know he could just teleport back in and kill her. It was better if he thought the barrier had a time limit, like most barriers would. 

The barrier was also draining her chakra, so it could “kill” her in a day or so without food to replenish herself. She supposed that was the time limit. 

That, or Minato could attempt to deactivate the barrier himself, which meant he’d have to teleport back inside the barrier and then remove her shirt and…

Tori’s face went hot as she imagined what his hands would feel like on her bare skin. This idea should frighten her, and yet she kind of wanted it to happen. What was wrong with her?!

Fortunately, Minato did not react to her blush and simply continued to just stare at her in mild interest. Tori turned her gaze to the kunai at her feet, desperate to distract herself. She had just enough room in her barrier to awkwardly squat down to pick it up. 

“How does this even work?” she asked, picking at the tag with the Hiraishin marker. It wasn’t hard, once she peeled up the edges, to pull the whole thing off the kunai’s handle. “This isn’t real fuinjutsu, is it?”

The tag was… well, technically it was seal script. But also it was just some characters. One of them was “love.” Why. 

Minato’s cheeks had actually turned pink. 

“It’s… it is a seal,” he spluttered. 

“What happens if I destroy it?” Tori wondered, tugging at the paper like she meant to rip it. 

Next moment, Minato was back in the barrier with her again, hands around her wrists as he pushed her back up against the barrier. 

“I stop you before you can,” he said, and somehow this made Tori’s stomach completely flip over. 

“So I can destroy it,” Tori said smartly. She wondered what he would do, if she continued to be sassy with him. 

Minato sighed dramatically. She felt the puff of his breath on the top of her head. She waited excitedly for his reply. 

He took a tiny half-step back, as far as he could get in the cramped space. He let go of her right wrist, but his other hand slipped up her arm to cover her left hand. He held it up in the small space between them, her wrist facing upwards. A brand new Hiraishin marker, written in black across the delicate skin of her wrist, glared up at her. 

Tori’s eyes widened. “When did you…?”

Minato’s stupid sexy smirk was back. “I don’t need ink to place one.”

Fuck, Tori thought. If she’d known this about the Hiraishin once upon a time, she’d definitely forgotten it. Truly this was an OP technique. 

Minato teleported back out of the barrier, this time appearing facing the bed. He put his hands on his hips and surveyed the notebooks and scrolls Tori had left out, his head leaning back to regard her window potato. 

He can also control how close he gets to the marker and his position around it, Tori thought. What the fuck, honestly. She was glad she wasn’t a ninja. She’d absolutely hate having to figure out how to fight that. 

As it were, she was a civilian. If she fought anyone outright, she’d just die. Finding out the Hiraishin was even more OP than she’d thought just meant she could figure out new ways to trick him into teleporting directly into his own demise. 

“Who taught you fuinjutsu?” Minato asked, picking up one of the scrolls and examining it. 

Tori did not answer, instead glaring at him as he went through her things and she was helpless to stop him. How rude! She liked her things! 

“I’m honestly not going to hurt you,” Minato said after a couple minutes of silence, picking up a different scroll. 

Tori eyed him, rubbing at her wrist. The Hiraishin marker didn’t smudge the way ink might. Clearly Minato was still underestimating her, if he thought she wouldn’t be willing to also destroy a marker physically on her. 

“Not the vengeful type, then?” Tori drawled. 

Minato actually laughed. He tilted his head back slightly, grinning good naturedly at her. 

“They managed to regrow all my skin, so no harm, no foul.”

They did… they did what?

The face Tori made at this statement must have been funny, because Minato laughed again. It wasn’t mocking or cruel; he sounded genuinely amused. He really did seem like he was telling the truth, that he was just here to ask questions. 

Except, Tori knew better than anyone how good a manipulation tactic playing kind and demure was. Minato was a killer and a tool of Konoha above anything else. She couldn’t forget that. 

“This is a Konoha scroll,” Minato said conversationally, holding up the scroll in question. “Where’d you get it?”

Tori narrowed her eyes at him. I’ll make him break, she decided. 

“One of your buddies decided it would be a good idea to get drunk and harass women,” Tori said, which was the truth. “So I decided he’d be better off with a pair of collapsed lungs and none of his stuff.”

Minato’s easy smile shrank slightly, and his body language turned stiff. 

There, Tori thought. Now show me your true colors. 

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Minato said, voice tight. 

“I’m not,” Tori replied. “What did Konoha tell you to do about me?”

Minato cocked his head to the side. He studied her for a bit, even as he tucked the Konoha scroll into the pouch at his waist. 

Eventually, he said, “They don’t think you could possibly be real.”

Tori actually laughed. It ripped out of her against her conscious efforts, a single, resounding Ha!

Minato’s lips quirked upwards, his body language loosening. 

“I already knew you’ve killed Konoha-nin,” Minato said. He picked up her notebook and flipped through it idly as he spoke, not really reading it. “And Iwa-nin, and Kusa-nin. I’ve been following you for a while.”

“Really?” Tori asked, and then wanted to slap herself at how obvious it was she wanted the attention. Minato picked up on her tone shift immediately, resummoning his stupid sexy smirk and then stepped towards her. 

“There were rumors of a fuinjutsu master, so naturally I investigated,” he said. Then he snorted with laughter. “Konoha doesn’t believe any of the rumors could be true. So I have no orders from them about you.”

“So…?” Tori prompted. She wasn’t sure if this was good news for her or not. Although, hearing Minato had been looking for her out of personal interest made her insides go all funny again. 

“So,” Minato said, eyeing her up and down. “I’m not lying when I say I don’t really want to hurt you. I’m here to make friends. I just really, really want to know more about the mysterious girl who nearly killed me.”

Then he smiled that smile again, the one that had made Tori feel safe and cared for, the one that she knew was fake. Her face went hot again, but not from whatever confusing hormonal responses she was having. Truly, if she could kill people with her mind, Minato would be dead right then and there. 

“For example,” Minato continued. He held up a page of her notebook, which contained a draft of the chakra phylogeny she was trying to make. “What is this?”

“You know,” Tori said tersely, “if you actually wanted to play nice, you wouldn’t be going through all my personal belongings like a creep. You wouldn’t have snuck in here waving knives around.”

Minato’s eyes widened slightly. His cheeks went ever so slightly pink. 

“I don’t think I want to tell you anything,” Tori said, crossing her arms. 

“I came in waving kunai around because last time we talked, you nearly killed me for no reason,” Minato replied, annoyance seeping into his voice, although he didn’t raise his volume. He jabbed a finger against the outside of the barrier. “What if this had been an offensive jutsu instead of a defensive one? I want to play nice, but don’t think you can play harmless civilian with me.”

Tori scowled. Okay. So. He had a point. And she did… she did want his attention. She liked him smiling at her as much as she hated it. 

“It’s a phylogeny,” Tori said finally, pointing at the notebook. “It’s a family tree that shows evolutionary relationships between species. I’m trying to see if more closely related things have more similar chakra than distantly related things.”

Minato stared back at her, mildly dumbfounded. Her explaining this probably just created more questions than it answered for him. 

Good, Tori thought. She wanted to be mysterious and unsolvable. 

She pointed at her window potato. 

“So my hypothesis is that that guy will have more similar chakra to the trees outside than yours or my chakra.”

Minato eyed the potato for a moment, and then stared down at the phylogeny, then looked back up at her. 

“So you’ve been carving seals into trees,” he said slowly, “to use… tree chakra…?”

“Well,” Tori said. It was unclear to her if this was a secret she should be keeping or not, but if  she wanted to establish a friendly rapport and not be killed by an upset famous ninja, probably she should tell him something. This she couldn’t exactly hide, and it was less risky territory than time travel or Orochimaru or Ame. Also… something inside her was pleased, that he’d noticed she’d been doing that. “Yeah, something like that.”

“Huh,” Minato said. 

“So will you be reporting my creative endeavors to Konoha?” Tori asked cautiously. 

“I think they’d be even less likely to believe me,” Minato said, grinning cheekily at her. “As that sounds like crazy bullshit.”

Tori felt her face collapse into a pout, and Minato’s grin broadened. 

“How about…” he said, lazily tossing the notebook back onto the bed. “Next time I bring you another plant, and you show me how you're using plant chakra?”

Tori bit her bottom lip. What was this angle? So he was threatening to come back to her, to make her show him her fuinjutsu experiments? Was he just curious, or was he mining her for information to report back to Konoha? What would happen if she said no? What would happen if she agreed?

“So you’ll bring me flowers?” she said instead of a real answer. 

He winked at her. “It’s a date, then.”

And just like that, he was gone. 

Tori sank to her knees. Her hands were shaking, and she wasn’t sure if they’d been doing that the whole time or not. The adrenaline seeped out of her, and Tori felt exhausted. 

Minato definitely could have killed her. That he didn’t must mean something, but she wasn’t ready to believe he wanted to be friends. That didn’t make sense. That wasn’t the crapsack world she lived in, or how the people of the Third Shinobi War behaved. 

She stared down at her wrist, at the Hiraishin marker now permanently affixed to her. He had acted all nice, almost flirty, but also he’d made it so she couldn’t back out if she wanted to. He wasn’t a good person, and he wasn’t as friendly as he claimed. 

He had won this round, she supposed. But he was still underestimating her. He had left her like this, assuming she wasn’t crazy enough to hack off her own skin… and assuming she wasn’t smart enough to remove the marker herself. 

Let’s see who wins the next one, Yellow Flash, Tori thought. 

[buckysgrace]

The Foggy Mirror

Single dad!Billy Hargrove x fem!Reader

Closer to My Heart Masterlist

You feel the tides shifting in your relationship with Billy and grow determined to learn more about him.

Billy showing up late no longer annoyed you. Not that much. You supposed it still should, but something about him charmed you now. Or perhaps it was all of the tension that you felt in your bones, the way your body felt electrocuted every time you met his eyes. 

You hadn’t gone out with him again since the park, or slept with him since that fateful night. But things did feel different. He didn’t speak to you with a snarky tone and you didn’t feel quite so rageful when you had to deal with him. Deep down, despite your own protests, you could feel  the tides slowly shifting.

Some things still stayed the same, however. You wanted to punch him every time he flashed you that dumb smirk of his. But it had more to do with how handsome you realized he was, how he made your stomach lurch and heart flutter. You felt no different than the other women you worked with.

You shuffled the rest of the pencils into the container, hiding them away for the weekend as Theo played with the toys in the corner of the room. Billy wasn’t late just yet, but all of the other parents had long since picked up their children. 

“Hi,” Theo grinned as he approached you, taking you by surprise as you noticed that all of the toys were picked up and put back into the chest, “Daddy hewe?” He asked curiously, tilting his head as he looked up at you. 

“Not yet,” You smiled as you looked around the room, “Do you want to go wait for him up front?” You asked, your only answer was a squeal and the glow of his light up shoes as he rushed towards his cubby.

You gathered up your bag, glancing at Theo from the corner of your eye before you slipped a compact mirror free to check out your reflection. Sometimes by the end of your shift you looked as if you hadn’t slept for weeks. But today you had routinely checked up on yourself. For no reason at all.

“Weady?” Theo asked, grinning brightly as he approached you once again. You smiled down at him, noticing that he still had some marker smeared to his face.

“Yep,” You reached for a wipe quickly, cupping his chin softly before you tried to dab the red off of his skin, “Were you coloring your face?” You asked teasingly, watching as he giggled hysterically.

“No, dog!” He giggled, still liking to call you that sometimes, “I don’t know.” He said a second later, shrugging his shoulders as he laced his little fingers with your own. 

“I think I got it all off,” You smiled as you nodded your head, folding the wipe up before you tossed it into the trash, “Alright, let’s go wait out front.” You nodded your head, following him in the same manner that you did every day. He waited for you to clock out, then you sat in the same seats before the familiar sound of Billy’s camaro approached.

“Hi, daddy!” Theo squeaked, bouncing over dramatically as his shoes lit up the entire room, “I miss you!” He held onto Billy’s hand, squeezing tightly as he rocked back and forth. Billy chuckled as he looked down at him.

“I missed you too,” He picked him up with one hand, giving his little cheek a kiss before he turned his attention towards you, “How was he today?” He asked curiously, tilting his head in the same manner Theo had earlier. It made you smile. 

“Really good,” You nodded your head along, “We did a lesson on dinosaurs today.” You replied as you shuffled your feet, your eyes drifting from his strong biceps to his thick shoulders. 

“Yeah!” Theo nodded his head encouragingly, “I bowwow the book.” He confirmed as he smiled brightly, blue eyes twinkling in the sunlight. Billy chuckled.

“Hm,” He grinned as Theo began to play with the necklace on his neck, “I guess we’ll have to read it later.” He nodded his head, giving the toddler a little bounce that made him giggle all over again. 

“I hope you have a good night.” You added softly, waiting for a second before you headed towards the door and held it open for them. Billy watched you, freezing in his spot as he looked towards Theo. He met his eye, giving him a gentle nod before Billy turned towards you again. 

“Do you, uh,” He stalled for a moment, “Do you want to come over for dinner?” He asked as he walked towards you, looking a little unsure of himself. Or maybe he wanted to ask you differently. You couldn’t quite tell. 

“Tonight?” You asked curiously, a little taken aback by how sudden it was. You would have little to no time to prepare, not that you were complaining. You wanted to go. You wanted to spend more time with him. 

“Are you working?” He asked as you worked on locking the front doors. You shook your head softly, before you built the confidence to face him. “No,” You gulped thickly, “What should I bring?” You asked nervously, trying to figure out what you could whip up before you had to leave. 

“Just yourself,” He grinned as Theo continued to bounce in his arms, “We were going to do a pizza night.” Theo began to clap his hands then, giggling loudly and making your heart melt a little bit. You just thought he was so cute. 

“What time?” You asked as you held your keys in your hands, excited to see Billy later. You pondered over what you should wear as the nerves suddenly sank in. 

“Around six,” He added softly as he wrote down his address and number onto a piece of paper. You watched with wide eyes, unsure if this was truly happening, “It’s movie night.” He grinned as he passed it towards you.

“Okay,” You nodded your head in agreement, “Sure. That sounds like fun.”

-

Theo raced around the apartment, freshly bathed and clad in his pajamas already as he continually fluffed and dusted at whatever he found. He was just as excited for you to come over, but Billy was sure that he thought it was just a playdate with him. He really enjoyed playing with you. 

“What are you doing now?” He asked, tilting his head as he shut the window once again. He’d smoked through a few cigarettes now and hoped that the candles would cover up the smell. Then again, he hoped that it didn’t look too romantic. 

“Making them soft,” Theo replied proudly as he smacked his palms against the pillows again, “So she can sleep!” He said proudly, stepping back to admire his work. Billy asked in amusement. 

“I don’t think she’s going to want to sleep over, bubba.” He chuckled as he ruffled his fingers through Theo’s blonde hair. He scoffed as he pulled away, fixing his strands before he turned towards Billy in dismay. 

“Why not?” He asked sassily, raising his eyebrows up towards him. 

“Because she has her own home,” He chuckled, listening as the doorbell rang, “Do you want to get that?” He asked him, watching as Theo took off without another push. He followed behind, ensuring it was you as he struggled to get the doorknob turned.

“Hi!” Theo greeted brightly as he took a step back, “You wook pwetty!” He complimented you, resting his little hands on his waist as you stepped forward.

He was right. You really did. Your skirt ended below your knees, your denim shirt hugging your chest in the right manner as you pulled a soft smile to your lips. You looked around curiously, eyes flashing as you took in his apartment.

“The pizza should be here soon,” He spoke up, nodding his chin in your direction as he greeted you, “Theo, do you want to show her your room?” He asked, needing to take some time to collect himself for a second. 

“Come on!” He squealed as he took your hand, “It so cool!” He trudged you forward, down towards the hall as you spared a look back in Billy’s direction. It made his heart hammer. 

Billy honestly had no idea what he was doing. He never had any trouble flirting before, but something about this felt different. Maybe it was because he couldn’t tell if you liked him or not. He’d given you many reasons not to.

“You have a lovely home.” You were back in the kitchen by the time he retrieved the pizza. His place was a bit bigger than yours and certainly in a better part of town. Even if the hallways stunk. 

“Thanks,” He chuckled softly, “The neighbors kind of suck but uh, it’s not too bad.” He shrugged his shoulders as he placed the box down, chuckling as Theo began to clap his hands enthusiastically. He always ate the crust before the rest of his pizza. 

He watched you cross your legs, then uncross them before you switched your position once again. You kept furrowing your eyebrows together, your lips tightening into a stiff grin before you relaxed your features again. You clearly didn’t know what to do with yourself.

“Do you really think I have a uh-,” You paused, glancing towards Theo before you continued, “A stick up me?” You wrinkled your eyebrows together, stalling a bit as he passed you a plate. He handed Theo his, allowing them to eat in the living room for tonight. 

“Sometimes,” He spoke honestly, “But not recently.” He chuckled at your expression, glad that he still got that fiery look in your eyes raging on. Maybe things hadn’t changed for the worst. 

“Maybe it’s because you’ve not been so snarky.” You added as you plopped a few pieces of pizza onto your plate. He nodded his head in agreement. 

“Possibly,” He grinned, “Am I a nincompoop?” He asked curiously, winking at Theo as he covered his mouth and began to giggle harder. He helped him onto the couch, letting him wiggle up to his side before he pressed play on the movie. 

“No,” You answered a second later, “You’re just-, hard to read.” You added as you took a bite of your pizza, sitting next to Theo. He stretched his little legs out before he took a nibble. 

“I’m hard to read?” Billy turned curiously, cocking an eyebrow as you widened your eyes a bit in surprise. 

“Mhm.” You nodded your head along and before he could dive in deeper, Theo held his hand up over his mouth to silence him.

“Daddy, watch.” He commanded, nodding his head quickly. Billy pressed a smile up to his lips, keeping quiet as Theo turned back to the movie. He moved his plate onto Billy’s lap, holding his knees up to his chest as he rested his head against his side. 

Just over half way through the movie and Theo was out, collapsed in Billy’s arms as he tugged him a little closer. His little lips were parted, exhaling and inhaling deeply as he slept on. He rubbed his fingers across his back gently, soothing him deeper into his dreams. 

“What was his mom like?” You asked suddenly, quietly as you turned towards him for the first time. You’d exchanged some conversations with Theo earlier, but had been mostly silent when it had come to him. 

“Annie,” He corrected you gently, “That was her name.” He replied softly, a little surprised at you bringing her up. It had been some time since he had spoken about Annie to anyone. 

“Was she nice?” You asked as you tilted your head. He bit down on his bottom lip, trying to keep from laughing. Annie wasn’t mean, but he wouldn’t describe her as nice either. She had a loud personality. 

“She had a good heart,” He nodded his head in agreement, a smile forming on his lips, “But she was more energetic I guess. Loud and wild. She would’ve loved him. You would’ve liked her too, but she would’ve driven you crazy.” He told you honestly, a little amused as he wondered how you would have handled Annie and her colorful vocabulary. 

“What makes you say that?” You asked as you furrowed your eyebrows together. He watched your curious expression, deciding that he really liked how you looked. 

“She would have no issue telling you where to put your rules, to start with,” He chuckled, “She was very opinionated. And never wrong.” He added a second later as Theo shifted closer to him. They had had many fights over that. 

“You sound like you loved her.” You added softly, your eyes drifting back towards the TV. He watched you for a long moment, unsure of how to describe how he felt towards Annie. It wasn’t love, at least not in the sense that you were referencing. 

“I cared very deeply for her,” He said at last, “And I know she felt similar to me. I don’t think either of us really loved each other, you know? We weren’t really together either. I mean, not officially until we found out she was pregnant.” He explained as you swiveled your head back towards him. 

“You weren’t married?” You asked him softly, eyes widened as he shook his head. He had received many similar looks when he told people that. 

“No,” He said with a laugh, holding your gaze, “We met at work.” He replied gently, resting his cheek against Theo’s forehead. He watched, noticing the gears twisting in your pretty head. 

“She was a mechanic?” You asked slowly, clearly seeking clarification as she drew the question out. He shook his head, beginning to recount his scandalous tale. 

“I was a bartender at the time,” He started again, “And she was a stripper. It was usually just some good fun after work. Or during.” He laughed at the way your eyes widened in disbelief. You shook your head a second later, a brief smile pulling onto your lips before you asked your next question. 

“So you didn’t love her?” You asked gently, eyes locking into his once again. He drank in the colors that flashed from the glow of the TV screen. You were radiant. Part of him hated to think that, but he couldn’t deny that he’d always thought you were attractive.

“Not in the way you’re asking,” He replied at last, “I don’t think we would’ve stayed together after Theo was born. Not as a couple anyways.” He hummed as he looked down at the toddler that was sleeping on his chest. It didn’t really feel right speaking that outloud, but it was true. Annie was just too similar to himself; they would’ve never overcome that. 

“No?”

“We weren’t very good for each other,” He admitted with a crinkle of his nose, “We brought out the worst in each other.” Annie’s drinking and drug issues had made his worse. Her anger matched his and she was always accusing him of something. She never really wanted to be something more, but she didn’t like when anyone else looked at him. A sour feeling settled over him as he thought about it more. 

But it wasn’t all bad. She was still funny, overly protective when she wanted to be. He felt guilt over her death, over how traumatic everything had been. Her father blamed him for all of it. And Theo. 

He paused for a second before he shifted forward, carefully holding Theo in one arm before he pulled his hair back to show the little scar behind his ear. He had forgotten about it up until this point. 

“What happened here?” You asked, fingers smooth against his skin as you gently touched him. He exhaled softly, trying to ignore the shivers that raced down his spine.

“She threw a bottle of whisky at me,” He chuckled softly as you froze against his touch, eyes wide, “Got nipped because of it. She thought I was flirting with the customers.” He added, feeling a little amused at the way you raised an eyebrow.

“Were you?” You asked teasingly, perhaps a bit flirtatiously if he was reading you correctly. He drifted his eyes towards your lips before he met your eyes again.

“I did get better tips because of it,” He admitted, grinning at the way you laughed, “You don’t have a boyfriend?” He asked, having a hard time believing it. 

“No,” You said with a laugh, “Not enough time. The last one I had, he liked to take my cash when I wasn’t looking.” You explained as you drifted a finger through one of his blonde curls. 

“Sounds like an ass.” He said seriously, feeling like you had to be a dick to take money from someone that was working two jobs and still struggling. 

“A total nincompoop,” You teased, “I don’t know. I just haven’t had time to get back out there.” You shrugged your shoulders as you pulled your hand away, looking like you didn’t really mind being single. He wondered if you’d give him a chance then. 

“Shame,” He drew out softly, “You’re really pretty.” He said honestly, eyes drifting across your features and soft curves. He really liked the fire inside of you too. It was different than Annie’s had been. He was sure that at one point you really hated him. 

“Thanks,” You hummed along, lips curling softly, “You’re very handsome yourself.” You tapped his cheek softly, making his heart flutter inside of his chest. 

“Do you say that to all of the dads?” He teased as he stood with Theo, knowing he needed to lay him down before he got too secured to his chest. You rolled your eyes, shaking your head at his comment. 

“Certainly,” You said sarcastically, “I definitely sleep with all of them.”

“Must be your stunning personality,” He added, listening to your laugh as he carried Theo down to his room. He laid him down gently, slowly untangling him before he tucked him in underneath his blankets, “Night, bubba.” He hummed before he kissed his temple gently, pulling away before he awoke. 

You were grabbing your things when you returned, the plates stacked nicely in the sink and the leftover pizza box shut tightly in your own way to clean up. He drifted his eyes across your skirt again, taking in your smooth legs.

“Going so soon?” He asked as he leaned against the doorway, startling you a bit. You sent him a shy smile, still looking like you weren’t sure how to act around him. He could admit that feelings had changed quickly, but he wasn’t mad about it. 

“It’s getting late,” You nodded your head as you rubbed the back of your neck, looking a little sheepish, “And Theo is asleep. I don’t want to bother you.”

“Do you think I invited you over for Theo?” He laughed as he tilted his head, looking at the way your lips parted from being stunned, “I like you.” He said at last, shaking his head at the way he had to obviously lay it out on the table. Your eyes grew wider.

“Oh, oh,” You spoke frantically, gulping as you spit out a nervous laugh, “I knew that. I mean I didn’t but-,” You shook your head quickly, “I like you too, but I’m still Theo’s teacher.”

“I know that.” He nodded his head in amusement, taking a few steps forward as you remained glued to your spot. He reached for your fingertips, linking your hands together. 

“And I can’t show favoritism,” You spit out as he moved closer, your breath sweet against his face, “And my boss can’t know. It’s a big issue.”

“Sneaking around?” He teased you, nose brushing against yours softly, “Didn’t think you were that type.” He smirked to himself at the way you gasped, your body relaxing as you tilted your face up towards his. 

He leaned down first, lips just barely touching against yours as he felt his eyes flutter shut. He didn’t think anything about this was wrong. It felt natural, like you were a missing piece that belonged to him. 

Your lips felt smooth and soft against his own, gentle as he moved his palms to the side of your face. He pulled you closer, making the distance between the two of you disappear as he admired the curve of your body against his own. 

His heart hammered roughly against the crook of his neck as his kisses grew more frantic, more desperate to feel you against him. He flicked his tongue across your lips, tasting your sweet moans as his hands fell to your hips. He felt like he was on fire, body burning for more of you.

“Billy,” You whispered softly, tilting your head aside as his lips fell to the curve of your neck. Everything about you tasted good. He wanted you again, always, “I can’t. Not tonight.” You mumbled softly, making his movements come to a slow stall. He sighed, nodding his head as he traced his palms across your shoulders. 

“Alright,” He mumbled as he kissed your cheek, hoping to reassure you that he could be a gentleman, “I’ll see you again soon.” He drifted his thumb across your bottom lip, hoping you felt the same fire he felt. 

“I’ll call you,” You promised, nipping at his thumb softly before you pulled away, “But I have to be on time for work tomorrow.” You whispered breathlessly, adjusting your clothes before you gripped your bag again.

“You could stay over,” He smirked as he followed you to the door, “We could wake up early and you could grab something new to wear then.” You turned towards him quickly, laughing as you pushed against his chest.

“See you in the morning.” You said instead, eyes glimmering with mischief before you turned and left. His eyes followed you the whole way, wondering if you knew how dangerous this feeling was. 

Tags: @cassandracorvo @marshmallowgem @shes-an-odd-bird @stormy-stardust @highwaywildflower @amberpanda99 @sssstarstruck @zoexme @missingbillyhargrove @let-love-bleeds-red

[gay-dorito-dust]

bro a ken x reader where the reader moves to barbieland but she’s got tattoos and he’s got no clue what they are …

The ending to this is absolute arse. Idk what to do.

‘What’s this?’ Ken asked as he gestured to the tattoos you had littered here and there before even more questions followed after. ‘Can they come off? Did someone draw on you like Weird Barbie? If so was it with permanent marker?’ Ken then proceeded to smile, puffing his chest out like a proud bird, ‘I learnt that big word all by myself.’

You chuckled, now realising that ever since you came to BarbieLand there wasn’t a single person in sight who was even remotely as tatted up as you were, and so all of Ken’s random inquiries concerning them made all the more sense. ‘These are called tattoos and no they can’t come off, and I guess you could say that someone ‘drew on me’ but not with a permanent marker pen, but instead a piece of equipment that some might consider a painful process.’ You shrugged. ‘Though that depends on the pain tolerance and the placement of the tattoo.’ The look on Ken’s face was borderline hysterical to you with how wide his eyes became as they trailed over your most recent tattoo as though it’ll jump out and bite him.

‘Did you say painful? Like someone pinching your skin type of painful?’ Ken asked.

‘Hmmm. Think more like being stung a thousand times when in the midst of the outlining of the tattoo, only to then feel like your being scratched repeatedly and all over by a stray cat when they start the shading and or colouring process.’ You told him.

‘So you’re meaning to tell me that you were being hurt!’ Ken cried, retracting his hand away from you as though he was going to cause you more harm, which was something he doesn’t want to have happen. ‘Why would you or anyone ever want to go through that horrible process?!’ He said, voice muffled with his hands clasped over his mouth. You should’ve probably known that Ken would’ve reacted like this but the damage was already done, and yet you couldn’t help but find it sweet when he exemplified concern over your well-being, despite the fact that it was over something as briefly painful as a tattoo.

‘Beauty is pain as they say,’ you began, ‘but I found that once you get your first tattoo, you’ll soon enough want more to add to the collection. Think of it this way, we use tattoos as a way of self expression, some of them can be of something meaningful or something fun and cartoonish and hold no meaning at all other then it looked cool at the time. But I think they quite cool, don’t you Ken?’ The blonde then removed his hands from his mouth, moving himself closer to you as to get a better look at your tattoos in general, just as a smile appeared on his face. ‘They’re so cool.’ He admitted but it was clear he was still a little conflicted about the pain you put yourself through for a tattoo. ‘But they still sound a little frightening.’ He admitted to you with a weak chuckle and you couldn’t do anything but understand and sympathise where he was coming from.

‘Yeah, they can be frightening at first but I promise you Ken, I wasn’t in that much pain for very long, besides I was the one who wanted it done, the tattoo artists were just doing their job.’ You reassured him as you felt his fingers gingerly trace the tattoo, taking in every last detail as he looked at it with a new found perspective. Your tattoos are beautiful to Ken and he’d show appreciation for each and every one by tracing his fingers over it, almost as though he’d ruin the artistry that went into them if he went any harder. He found tattoos fascinating but would probably never get one himself and even if he did, he hoped that this tattoo artist that you talk about could give him a horse portrait, or at least something related to horses at the very least. That would be cool.

[heartfullofleeches]

Gremlin Reader and either Creep or Tsundere Yan are two of the cutest pairs. A hyper, upbeat silly little guy (gn) and either their extremely moody, "fuck the entire world and everyone on it" obessor or one who everyone immediately flags as the killer in horror movies. Gremlin reader's positivity compliments Tsun yan's bitchy nature - and they'll always be there when Tsun needs them most as they find it all a good laugh. They also consider most of Creep Yans threats towards others as goofy harmless jokes - and boosts creep's self-esteem by simply being the one to stick around and feel completely safe at their side. (Gremlin could probably beat creeps ass with a brick and they'd find it the hottest thing)

-

[Creep Yan lovingly admires their new knife - clinging onto Reader's arm as they pant]

Creep Yan: what do you say, my love? Just a few... cuts... - and they can all go away~ hahahahaha

Gremlin Reader, smacking the knife out their hand: Blades are for skating, dummy. [Pulls identical pairs of roller skates out their backpack and gives a pair to Yan as they equip their own.]

Creep Yan: ...but I can't skate...

Gremlin Reader: then I'll teach you - eventually. For now just grab my hips and let's get moving

Creep Yan, flustered: h-hips?! But I... we... heh... hah- HAHAHA [Laughs hysterically til short of breath and falls head first into the wall from the dizziness - knocking themselves out cold]

[Gremlin Reader process to doodle on their face until they regain conscious in a panic]

Creep Yan: I-I'm alive?.... I thought I died and felt a cruel glimpse at heaven for my eternity in hell

Gremlin Reader: that's probably the marker fumes

-

[Tsun Yan invites readers to lunch which they thirty minutes late to]

Tsun Yan: Ugh- you're late again. I even gave you the wrong time so this wouldn't happen

Gremlin Reader, wearing five shirts: Sorry.... A guy was giving out free shirts to whoever beat him in rock paper scissors. I had to sneak these while he wasn't looking

[A week later Tsun Yan waits in a dressing room for their big recital - dreams crushed as they're informed their family won't show again. Gremlin reader's bursts into the venue ten minutes before showtime, racing down the rows with sparklers and confetti]

Gremlin Reader, pointing at their shirt with Yan's name on it as they face the growing crowd: I know this person!!

Tsun Yan, drying their tears as a small smile forms: dumbass... [points a nail filer at guards approaching Reader] Remove them from that fucking stage and I'll remove your head from your shoulders

[afewproblems]

Season Two Halloween AU Part Seven

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six

Synopsis: What if Eddie had been at Tina's Halloween Party in Season Two? Featuring Steve!Whump, Stancy Breakup, and Eddie just trying to keep up with all these new revelations about who King-Steve actually is...

As always, thank you thank you to the lovely Jess @strangersteddierthings for being my cheerleader!

[CW: Discussions of injuries, vomiting]

***

Eddie grips the steering wheel tightly in his hands, while his eyes flick from the rearview mirror and back to the road over and over again, watching for movement, for some sign of wakefulness in Steve.

Dustin had managed to find bandages and peroxide earlier in the Byers washroom to help clean up Steve's face before they left, while Eddie delicately picked the shards of ceramic out of Steve's hair.

The impact had broken the skin and would definitely require stitches, but there were no pieces left in the wound.

The biggest worry for Eddie, with Steve now cleaned and bandaged, was that Steve had already been smacked around the day before by Hargrove. He can't even imagine what two blows to the head in two days has actually done, and there wouldn't be any way of knowing until Steve wakes.

And that is where the argument had started.

***

"We can't just leave, we have to do something we have to give them time!" Mike insists while Eddie gathers the soiled towels covered in blood and peroxide.

Eddie scoffs and whirls around on Mike.

"Are you joking? Your babysitter just got obliterated by an ashtray, we're going to the hospital".

Dustin reaches out for Eddies shoulder, shaking it with urgency, "Steve would have--"

"No, he told you guys that we were not getting involved, we're on the bench".

"You can't keep all of us here," Max tries this time, she crosses her arms in front of her and scowls at Eddie, "if we all go, we'll all be safe".

Eddie barks out a nearly hysterical laugh at the suggestion, these fucking kids.

He looks down at Steve and tries to imagine what he would do in this scenario. Hopper, Joyce, Nancy, and Jonathan are gone; Steve is the only other expert left in this situation, the only other voice of reason in the house.

With his eyes closed and the blood now gone, Steve looks as though he could be sleeping.

"Shit. Shit," Eddie brings his hands up into his hair and tries to slow down the panic coursing through him. It's too much, too many people to worry about even without the literal destruction of their town hanging over their heads.

He looks at Steve again.

"Okay, but if we do this, you listen to me, no arguments, none of that shit you give Steve," Eddie begins counting off his fingers as he speaks, "and most importantly, we go to the hospital, you get forty-five minutes".

***

"Mike, are you still keeping time for how long he's been out?" Eddie asks as he looks at the kids through the rearview.

Though he hadn't thought about it when he bought the van off of Reefer Rick --a deal he's still not sure who got the better end of, based on the lightness of Eddie's wallet for weeks afterwards, Eddie is pretty grateful now for the number of seats and the long bench in the back.

Steve's Beemer wouldn't have been able to fit all of them and as much as Max tried to justify stealing her brothers car, neither would the Camero.

Mike mutters something under his breath and Dustin elbows him in the ribs, hard by the sound Mike makes and the glare he shoots Dustin in response.

"I got it," Max says tiredly, she holds up her watch before letting her hand drop into her lap.

She perks up slightly and leans forward to grip the back of the drivers seat, "you know, if you want to sit back here, I can--"

"Nope, nope," Eddie punctuates the words by slapping the steering wheel, "your job is to watch him, and navigate".

"I'm navigating," Lucas insists from the passenger seat beside Eddie. He has the map from earlier spread out over his legs and a finger tracing the red marker lines they had made earlier that night, "you're going to keep going straight and then it's a left on Mount Sinai by the way".

Eddie nods and opens his mouth to ask about how long until the turn when a groan floats up from the back.

Eddie nearly slams on the brakes in surprise, instead jerking the wheel, sending the van into a harsh swerve over the empty road. The kids all yell over one another but Dustin's voice carries the loudest.

"You're jostling him, Jesus Eddie!"

Eddie winces as he manages to straighten the vehicle's course once more, "shit, shit sorry, just, is he awake?"

"Not really," Dustin says, the sound of rustling fabric and another groan punctuating the silent car.

Eddie's resolve finally snaps.

He turns to Lucas, "you said it's just straight and then one more turn right?" Eddie asks as he lets the car drift to the side of the road before throwing it into park.

"Yeah, why?" Lucas says slowly, his face scrunched into a confused frown, Max perks up once again from the middle row in Eddie's periphery.

Eddie turns to face Max's wide grin and rolls his eyes, "yeah, yeah, get up here," he grumbles, popping open the driver's side door.

"Seatbelt or no deal, keep it under sixty, and slow down on the turn".

Max nods rapidly and bites her lip, nearly vibrating with excitement as she scrambles over the middle console to take Eddie's place, "you got it!"

"Why does she get to drive?" Mike growls under his breath but it still carries through the open drivers side door. Steve makes another noise and Eddie has to tamp down a scream of frustration at the sound.

He makes his way to the back passenger door, sliding it open to meet Mike's glare, "my van, my rules Wheeler, move up, Dustin you're keeping the time now".

Dustin nods and leans towards the front, lifting his watch as he asks Max quietly about how long Steve has been out.

Eddie settles in the far back next to Steve, ignoring the guilt that settles heavily in his stomach. If only he had locked the door, if he had been able to hold his own with Billy, this never would have happened. Eddie swallows the lump that begins to form in his throat and pours his focus into Steve, that's who needs him now.

Eddie's never seen someone with a head injury before, hell, he's never seen anyone get their ass beaten like Steve just did and Wayne's lessons in first aid never went past burns or cuts, maybe splinting a break.

Eddie was out of his depth with this.

Steve's unfocused gaze lands on him as he tilts his head slightly. He makes a small noise of recognition and lifts his left hand up to brush softly against Eddie's face.

"Nance?" Steve slurs out, blinking a few times, and fuck, if that doesn't sting.

Eddie can't quite hide his wince and breathes out sharply through his nose, "Nope, sorry, you're stuck with me".

Steve blinks again, this time his eyes narrow slightly as he reaches out again, but Eddie manages to catch his hand this time and gently lowers it back down. He allows himself one indulgence though, and entwines his fingers through Steve's own.

Just this once.

"Ed?" Steve says this time and Eddie can't help the grin that slowly pulls at his lips, thank God.

"Yeah man," Eddie whispers, he clears his throat in an attempt to move the lump that appears once more. Steve's pupils are different sizes but that doesn't seem to stop him from realizing they are no longer in the Byers home.

"Why--we're moving?"

"I was out numbered," Eddie says darkly, sending a glare to Dustin who flips him the bird over his shoulder. He's looking at Lucas's map from the seat behind him.

Steve groans again and Eddie watches as all the colour drains from his cheeks and lips. By the time Eddie realizes what is happening, Steve is already leaning his head over the floor and vomiting all over Eddie's shoes.

"Oh shit Steve, okay, okay, let it out," Eddie helps him sit up slightly and manages to move his feet for the next round, nose wrinkling at the smell of bile. He lets go of Steve's hand and instead settles for letting one hand brace his shoulder while the other sweeps into his hair, pulling the slightly longer sections away from his face.

Eddie tries to focus on keeping Steve steady rather than how soft his hair is.

Mike sucks his teeth in disgust as Dustin swears from the middle seat and covers his mouth, "did he just puke?"

Eddie wants to throttle them both.

Steve pulls him from his violent thoughts though as he coughs and gags again, breathing out a heavy whine as he catches his breath.

He mumbles something so quiet that Eddie almost wonders for a moment if he spoke at all, but then Steve taps his hand weakly against Eddie's hand on his shoulder.

"Pull over," he whispers in a much clearer voice this time and Eddie looks up towards the front of the car, Max is in the middle of turning, the last one if Lucas was to be believed.

"Steve, we can't," Eddie tries, hating the way that Steve deflates, it's almost like when Eddie found him after Tina's party.

"I sorry sweetheart, I promise, hospital after this," Eddie says quietly.

He freezes at the realization of what he just said.

Shit.

It's as though his heart has stopped in his chest and his ribs are crushing inwards, as though he's about to collapse like some dying star.

Eddie looks around the interior of the van, hoping no one else heard him only to catch Dustin staring him down with an intense but curious look in his eyes, his brow furrowed as though Eddie is a puzzle and the last piece has gone missing.

Dustin says nothing though, and turns back to the front where Mike, Lucas, and Max are talking animatedly.

Steve's head flops backwards onto Eddie's chest, pulling his focus from the kids. Steve is looking up at him and from his close Eddie can count the number of eyelashes, the number of freckles dusting his nose, the flecks of green in his blown eyes.

Even with his bruised face and the faint traces of bile on his breath, Steve is beautiful.

Eddie thinks of how Steve protected them all again and again, how he offered advice to Dustin -even if it wasn't the best, how he had insisted that Eddie wasn't the reason Steve had been scared that night, not wanting him to feel like yet another person was afraid of Eddie.

He thinks of all the ways that Steve has shown himself over the last few days and feels the last few strands holding up the image of King-Steve Harrington, finally fall away.

He's never let himself to stare like this, unashamedly at another man, it had always been too dangerous --especially in Hawkins.

Perhaps he can allow himself this other indulgence then, just for now.

Unbidden, the words Steve said earlier echo faintly for Eddie as they sit in the back of his beat up old van while the kids start arguing over the one painters mask they found in the shed earlier.

'People will come in and out of your life all the time, and the ones that are meant to be there will stay, and if they go, then it wasn't meant to be.

I think I need more people in my life like that'.

He swallows heavily as Steve's eyes close and he sinks even further into Eddie, his soft hair tickles against Eddie's neck as he burrows closer.

Eddie lifts his gaze to the roof of the van. He doesn't believe in God, no, hearing his uncle's stories of 'Nam, his mother dying, and Al kicking him to the curb were enough to dissuade Eddie of any real notion of a higher power existing.

But it doesn't stop him from sending a thought out into the universe.

If we make it out of this, Eddie thinks, I promise to listen this time.

Part Eight Now Up

Tag List:

@eriquin @luvinthefreaks @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @goodolefashionedloverboi @ellietheasexylibrarian @bambibiest @sadboislovebeans @howincrediblysapphicofyou @coleys-a-nerd @whycantiuseunderscore @airconditioning123 @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx @corrodedbisexual @starman-jpg @ilovecupcakesandtea @yoriposts @clumsiluni @pelinelin @phantomcat94 @lololol-1234 @anaibis @airconditioning123 @steveshairspray @hellfireone @sunswathe @tentativeghost @robin-not-batman @estrellami-1 @manda-panda-monium @tinyplanet95 @perseus-notjackson @queenie-ofthe-void @rainbowsaw @sp0o0kylights @littlebluejane @hi-im-eff @phantypurple @just-ladyme @thoroughlycollected @justrandomfandomstm @swimmingbirdrunningrock @finntheehumaneater @dynamic-powerm@nightmareglitter @genderless-spoon @zaddipax @thebiblesays @amerikanskaya-krassavitsa @pyrohonk @emly03 @geekymagicalpotato @sidebarre @eddielives1986 @lemon-astra @cipounette @discreetapple @starlitlakes @saphhicwitchbitch @marvel-ous-m @honorarybrit81 @lingeringmirth

and for some peeps that I think may be interested! @steddierthings @steddie-there @steves-strapcollection @henderdads @stevesbipanic @spooky-brakers @flowercrowngods (welcome back Dio!)

[bruciemilf]

Lmao now i just want to see what kind of shit did the batkids pull off to get harv called to the principal’s office

Dick: Dared his teacher to a dance battle and punched them when he lost

Jason: Cried hysterically for 2 hours because a girl called Jane Austen overrated

Tim: Hacked into the school system to sabotage his academic rivals. Got caught cause he signed off with his name backwards

Duke: Uses " you know I know Batman, right?" To get ahead at lunch time

Stephanie: Got dress coded and came to school the next day as Barney the Dinosaur

Cass: Being autistic while in neurotypical spaces

Damian: Drew anime boys kissing on the whiteboard with permanent marker/called his teacher a coloniser for annoying him

[k-verse-sachi]

S/O being stressed

Hey everyone! Welcome to CharmedChaos!

I'm JJSTAY, writer #1 who loves bringing your favorite characters to life in exciting and imaginative ways here at CharmedChaos. So, sit back, relax, and dive into the world of fantasy with me!

Group: SKZ

Type: X Reader/X Member/N.A

Age Restriction: 13+/16+/18+/N.A

Word Count: 370

Request Status: Requested by: {no one}

Pairing: OT8

Genre: selected in purple

Romance, Angst, Fluff, Drama, Comedy, Fantasy, Mystery, Thriller, Action, Adventure, Horror, Smut

Trigger Warning: reader is stressed, mentions of food

Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons{outside of stated idols}, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Got it! Let's dive into the reactions of each member of Stray Kids to their stressed significant other:

Absolutely, let's switch it up:

Bang Chan:

Sees you stressed, immediately starts brainstorming solutions.

Pulls out a whiteboard and markers, ready to map out a plan of action.

Suggests a "stress-busting" dance party in the living room, complete with impromptu choreography sessions.

Lee Know:

Notices your stress and decides it's time for a DIY spa day.

Sets up a makeshift spa in the bathroom, complete with cucumber slices and soothing music.

Accidentally spills a face mask on the floor, leading to a slippery (but hilarious) cleanup mission.

Changbin:

Takes one look at your stressed expression and declares it's time for a "stress-eating" session.

Whips up an assortment of comfort foods, from ramen to chocolate chip cookies.

Accidentally burns the cookies, but insists they're just "extra crispy."

Hyunjin:

Sees you stressed and decides to unleash his secret weapon: a collection of adorable animal videos.

Pulls up YouTube and starts playing a marathon of baby animal compilations.

Ends up getting distracted by the videos himself, leading to a competition to see who can find the cutest puppy.

Han:

Notices your stress and immediately whips out his collection of dad jokes.

Launches into a series of puns and one-liners, determined to make you laugh.

Ends up getting so caught up in the jokes that he forgets why you were stressed in the first place, but hey, at least you're both laughing hysterically.

Felix:

Sees you stressed and decides it's time for a spontaneous dance party.

Pulls out his phone and starts blasting your favorite songs, dragging you into the middle of the room.

Ends up accidentally knocking over a lamp in the process, but insists it's just part of the fun.

Seungmin:

Notices your stress and immediately starts listing off random facts and trivia to distract you.

Launches into a passionate monologue about the history of paperclips, complete with diagrams.

Somehow manages to turn the mundane into the hilarious, leaving you in stitches by the end.

IN:

Sees you stressed and decides it's time for a "stress-relief" scavenger hunt.

Starts hiding random objects around the house, leaving you clues to find them.

Ends up getting lost in the chaos himself, leading to a hilarious search mission to track him down.

[miniwheat77]

Lime Green. (Soap.)

!CW! NSFW, fluff, flirting, babiessss (sorry if I missed any.)

Lime Green is the mix of apple flavored liquor that sat in your glass, it was sweet, almost too sweet. His eyes have been drawn to you since you came inside the bar. He’s been eyeing you all night. It takes a good buzz for him to finally approach you, needing the liquid courage. You’re sat at the bar with your friends when he comes up to you, and the flirty smile you give him as he comes over tells him everything he needs to know already.

Lime Green is the color of marker you’d written your number on his hand with. He sees it the next morning, waking up with a pounding headache. You weren’t the type of girl to take someone home on the first night but didn’t hesitate to give him your number. He waited until mid day to call you, which caught you off guard. You figured he’d text you. He talked sweet over the phone, convincing you to go on another date with him. This was going to be the first of many dates, but you didn’t know it yet.

Lime Green is the color of your fluffy socks he’d bought you. They’d come in a pack of 5, all different neon colors. They were meant to be a joke but you actually wore them. Not knowing just how much it meant to Johnny. Although, your tone of voice when you called him over had him worrying, rushing to get to you. Only to find you standing in the doorway, tears streaming down your face. Grief too much to handle after having lost someone close to you. Johnny was there by your side for every single second of healing. Picking you up and bringing you up to your bedroom so you could cry it out with him there.

Lime Green is the bright keychain attached to the keys of your new house, the realty company printed in bold white text over the green. The countless hours of moving the both of your houses into one, starting your lives together officially. You’ll never forget the way he picked you up and spun you around in the empty living room. Excitement too much to handle for him. “This is so amazing.” He smiles, looking around. “Yeah, it really is. I can’t believe this is happening.” You laugh.

Lime Green is the color of that dreadful maternity shirt his mum had gotten you to wear for your baby shower, hearing Johnny complaining about how his shirts are always dirty because none of your own clothes fit you. You cried when you put it on. He tried not to laugh, it doesn’t look bad, but you think it does. After the baby shower, you stood in the mirror, picking apart your outfit. “Come here, lass.” He rolls his eyes, sitting at the end of your bed. You waddle your way over to him. “I think you look perfect. You could wear the most awful color out there and still pull it off.” He smiles. You roll your eyes. “You’re so full of shit Johnny.” You sigh. He pulls you in close, running his hands down your pregnant belly. “You look beautiful. I mean I prefer you in nothing, but..” he laughs when you punch his shoulder.

Lime Green is the color of the Halloween Costume your son sprints around in, you’re sweaty and tired. You’ve got a baby on your hip and a little boy that keeps tripping you up, leaving toys all over the house. “Johnny! Come on! We have to take him by your mums house or she’ll be upset.” You yell out to him, he emerges from the stairs, wearing a costume similar to your sons. “Dad!” He yells, slamming right into Johnny’s leg. “Steamin’ Jesus, you’re gonna take out a knee my boy.” He laughs, lifting him up. You turn away to finish dressing your daughter. When you turn back, you hear your son laughing hysterically and Johnny is holding him by his ankles upside down. “Good god, you’re gonna kill him.” You roll your eyes. He sets him down. “No, but. Look at you.” He smiles, taking your daughter out of your hands and looking at her. “Look at you, my little princess.” He smiles, rubbing his nose over hers, hearing her giggle. “A lil ladybug hm?” He smiles, setting her down. She waddles off, your son nearly knocking her over. You sigh. “You look beautiful too.” He smiles. “Thank you, you look.. amazing.” You poke his toned stomach through his superhero costume. “Yeah right. I gotta be doing something right, no way we’d have two of these little ones running around if it wasn’t true.” He winks, seeing you roll your eyes. “Oh yeah. The costume just does it for me.” You roll your eyes. And actually.. I think you mean three.” You laugh, looking down. It takes him a second. “Wait… what?” He asks. “Are you serious?” He moves closer, seeing you nod. He pulls you in for a kiss, rubbing a hand over your stomach. “We should be the incredibles next year.” He smiles. “Oh my god Johnny!” You roll your eyes.

[dellalyra]

Family Formations - The Portrait

Request: @theourconah hi!! for family formation – I was wondering if you could recreate this video I’ve seen circulating a few times on the internet before. A child attempts to draw a picture of their mother, but it’s so hilariously bad that their dad instantly bursts out laughing. The kid is confused and becomes sad, realizing it’s bad, but the mom says smth like, “It’s so amazing! I’ve never looked better!”, basically comforting the child

I can see Megumi doing smth like this and being very embarrassed being caught drawing Gojo or mc - and Gojo not being able to hold back laughter

If it doesn’t suit the series, it’s okay, but haha I thought it could be cute :) also omg I LOVE all of the parts of family formation sm!!

A/N: this was so fun also I love those tiktoks so I loved doing this - just a lil Drabble of sweetness and teen parents Y/N and Satoru.

A calm Saturday afternoon was on today’s agenda in the Gojo household, Tsumiki was helping you plant some new rose bushes before she lost interest and went to play with her doll house, Satoru was sitting in the sun lounger near you and Megumi was at the table, reading and drawing.

Just as you’d finished helping a few wilted buds on your newest peony bush Satoru asked if you wanted a glass of lemonade and wandered inside. After a minute, you followed him in – you needed a break from the sun and hot air.

You sat at the table beside Megumi as you drank your icey lemonade.

Peeking at his drawing made from the myriad of crayons Satoru had insisted on buying last weekend, you saw a slightly familiar figure on the page.

“That’s a lovely drawing ‘Gumi, can I see?” You ask, smiling.

“Um, it’s you.” He says, blushing.

At this, Satoru is staring over at the drawing and you flash him a warning look.

Kindly put, the drawing looked closer to a praying mantis than you.

“That’s Y/N?” Satoru asks, voice cracking from barely restrained laughter.

“Yeah – see, you’re in the garden.” He replies as if Satoru was the stupidest person ever and his flowers didn’t look like triangles.

“Wow! That’s, really wonderful! Thank you so much sweetheart! It’s beautiful.” You ask, biting the inside of your cheek. This kid was so reserved you couldn’t afford even a tiny slip up that might make him even more shy.

Satoru is behind you now, arm around your shoulders and you can see the shaking of his chest as he tries to not laugh – heeding your warning.

It lasts 3 seconds.

Satoru is nearly sobbing in tears beside you as Megumi begins to look like he wants to hide away forever.

“He’s only laughing because he’s so bad at drawing! Don’t worry ‘gumi! It’s such a great drawing, I love it! I’m gonna hang it up in my classroom at school.” You try to reassure him with what might be the worst excuse as you elbow Satoru in the ribs.

“Totally kid, she’s never looked better – no jokes.” He bites back his hysterical laughter as you fight to not join him after examining how awful you look in the picture.

“Why don’t you do Satoru next, ‘gumi? Or Uncle Nanamin?” You ask, trying to encourage him.

He smiles at little – which from Megumi is more of a lip twitch and then shrugs but drags more paper towards him and grabs a light blue marker and begins making circles which you think might be meant to be your boyfriend’s eyes.

I’m

You walk into the kitchen, pressing a kiss to the top of the child’s head.

As you get behind closed doors, you almost collapse into Satoru’s chest and he falls apart again.

“Holy shit, why the fuck did I have a square nose? Is my head really that big? Oh my god, how the fuck did I not die laughing?” You choke out as tears of laughter stream down your face.

“Honestly princess if you don’t get a huge green dress like that, I’ll be heartbroken – honestly sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

The giggles only get worse after seeing his portrait of Gojo.

[la-salpetriere]

La Salpêtriére in Les Misérables

No better time than today (June 5th, Barricade Day) to discuss something of personal interest to me, as well as relevant to this blog.

In the time of Les Misérables, La Salpêtriére was not the hub of neurological study and research we see in the second half of the 19th century, of which this blog focuses on, but instead a prison for any women deemed “unfit” for society. Most of these prisoners were hysterics, epileptics, prostitutes, and criminals.

The purpose of these stays was not that of treatment or rehabilitation, as seen with the asylums of the late 19th and early 20th centuries. Instead the purpose was simply to keep these woman out of society and unseen until they were either “well enough” for society again, or died there.

La Salpêtriére is mentioned often in the novel of Les Misérables, though most frequently used as nothing more than a location marker, it also serves an interesting purpose to the infamous criminal gang, “Patron-Minette”

In the chapter describing the passing of the note instructing Éponine to inspect the Rue Plumet, we hear about a “good friend” (FMA trans.) of Babet’s who’s locked up there and receives the note and passes it on to Magnon. This “friend” can be assumed to be a mistress of his.

We don’t know if this “Babet’s mistress” is a prostitute, hysteric, or simply just a criminal, but it’s interesting to ponder.

[whitehotharlots]

Okay, fine, let’s define “wokeness” so you people will shut up about it

Wokeness is amorphous but not nebulous. Like all social phenomena, it exists only to the extent to which it is subject to formal description, and its purveyors are wont to resist any attempts at being pinned down by outsiders (I cannot, for example, think of a single philosopher associated with Postmodernism who did not reject the label--at least not at first). The difficulties with defining human phenomena are compounded greatly while the phenomenon in question is still unfolding, but that does not mean that earnest efforts toward definition cannot be undertaken. Wokeness most certainly exists. It deserves to be delineated, even if its vastness and dominance make it difficult to do so in a manner that everyone (or anyone) finds fully definitive. 

Wokeness should be understood as an immense and rapidly adopted change in the manner through which left-liberals adjudicate morality, righteousness, and even factuality. It applies not just to individual people but to nearly everything: broad social happenings, historical events, places, industries, and matters of scientific fact. It engenders contradictions at an hysterical pace, which actually strengthens the movement, due to the radicalism of its approaches.

Wokeness is best described as a form of Associationist Manicheanism. Whatever falls under its analytical purview is declared either good or bad (never both) not according to the beliefs and ideologies in question, nor to the material consequences thereof, but according to the conceptually recognized identity markers associated with whatever is being analyzed. There are good things and good people. There are bad things and bad people. Good things are good because they are good. Bad things are bad because they are bad. All other forms of adjudication--from direct empiricism, deductive and inductive logic, or even simple cause-and-effect--are subordinated within wokeness, if they are even acknowledged. 

The lack of ideological consistency and dismissal of material analysis naturally leads to a slew of obvious contradictions, which makes wokeness very difficult to pin down even as its presence becomes more and more undeniable. This provides an added bonus to the movement’s purveyors, as their wanton duplicity allows them to claim the lack of existence of something that’s happening right in front of them, an absence of belief in very the causes they champion. (”Why are you freaking out about this? It’s not even happening! And also it is happening and it’s good.”)

The wokes believe that police and prisons should be abolished, but also that we need much stricter gun control and hate speech laws. They believe it a form of severe violence--perhaps even genocide--to not understand the identities of others as they understand themselves, but also that you face a moral obligation to understand yourself as they tell you to. They believe that outsiders should be subjected to brutal criticism regarding their very existence, but also that any disagreement is a form of violence. They think that violent street crime--up to and including rape--should be dealt with via the light hand of “restorative justice,” but also that vague accusations of causing discomfort should be enough to ruin a man’s life and career. They revel in victimhood but deplore fragility, embrace vague “ways of knowing” while demanding absolute clarity and unpassable evidentiary bars of from their ideological enemies, and regard truth as a white supremacist fiction while possessing unshakable certainty in their own worldview. 

There are many, many more examples. These are just ones from the top of my head. 

These contradictions are allowed to stand. They are never acknowledged, let alone addressed. This is because the woke believe there is only one, universal mechanism for (in)validating any belief, action, or assertion: determining its conceptual association with the pre-established Good or the pre-established Bad. They don’t start by asking “is this statement true” or “is this belief harmful.” They can tell everything they need to know by running a quick identity index of the person who made the statement or professed the belief. Sometimes, in the absence of obvious markers of race, gender, or sexuality (or in the case of those markers contradicting the desired (in)validation outcome), they will revert to aesthetic symbols or nominally ideological group affiliations. So, yes, a white Democrat man outweighs a black Republicanman , who outweighs a white Republican man, who is outweighed himself by a black Republican woman, etc, etc, but most issues play out according to partisan lines.

And that’s it. Seriously, that’s it. You can regard it as a bold new era of social progress or as a civilization-destroying scourge. Your opinion does not matter. The point is, this is all a very blunt and very radical sleight of hand in regards to how beliefs, actions, and statements are adjudicated. Its purveyors readily admit to this. Nothing written in this essay is in the least bit deniable. 

Of course, my analysis won’t matter for the reasons outlined above. I am a white (bad) man (bad) who has previously expressed reservations toward left-identitarian activism (very super double bad). Three Bad designations is too much to overcome, no matter how much I profess myself to be on the left or assure my readers I support that broad social goals that wokeness disingenuously claims to be striving toward. But even if I were a black trans woman who was born without legs, this essay would still be dismissed because it would be conceptually associated with the people who criticize wokeness, who are bad. I am bad and this piece is bad. That’s all there is to it. And that means I’m wrong, wokeness isn’t a real thing, but also it is a real thing and it’s so good and perfect that criticizing it makes you bad.  

[lolasimms]

I crave hcs on the dynamic between abby and levi 🥲

mom abby headcanons

_____________________ ୨୧ _______________________

౨ৎ to her core Abby’s a boy mom through and through.

౨ৎ the first week you’d brought your son home she wouldn’t put him down.

౨ৎ you once woke up in the middle of the night to feed him, only to find her sitting up with Levi in her arms.

౨ৎ insists on bottle feeding him at night so you can catch up on sleep.

౨ৎ he loves wrapping his hands around her thumb, and the size difference always catches you off guard.

౨ৎ at times he quite literally won’t sleep unless he’s in Abby’s arms, which drives you insane.

౨ৎ she’s the kind of mom who will take Levi for a walk or a drive just to get him to fall asleep.

౨ৎ when he’s old enough to walk she builds him a jungle gym in the backyard.

౨ৎ according to her it’s never too early for a baby to get ‘gains’.

౨ৎ when he’s weaned off of baby food and on to solids she calls it ‘baby bulking season’.

౨ৎ she’s a pushover when it comes to your son, will let him get away with anything.

౨ৎ the barbie doll fiasco of 22’ will always remain a highlight in the Anderson household.

_____________________ ୨୧ _______________________

“Momma, Mommy!!!!” Lilas high pitched scream comes from upstairs, frightening both you and Abby. Immediately you’re both rushing up the stairs to figure out what’s going on. When you enter her bedroom you’re both met with her dolls on the floor, hair chopped off, faces scribbled with marker and glitter on the carpet.

“What’s all this?” You question, walking inside the room to further inspect the mess all over the floor.

“Levi did it! He ruined my dolls mommy.” Lila’s hysterically crying, Abby is standing at the door shocked at the scene and you’re trying your best to console your girl as she mourns her dolls.

“Momma?” You’re all alerted when the culprit of the crime arrives from his nap, pacifier in his mouth looking cuter than ever. Lila’s growling at the sight of him and Abby has to swoop in to grab him before he faces the wrath of his older sister.

“Levi, you idiot! You did this to my dolls!!” Lila yells and you cringe. You’d have a talk to her about insulting when she was angry after she’d calmed down.

“Levi buddy, did you destroy your sisters dolls?” Abby looks at the young boy in her arms, plucking the pacifier from his mouth and he just smiles.

“Yeahhh, I gave them a haircut.”

“Alright we’ll you destroyed them and got your sisters carpet messy, so you’re going to apologise and spend some time thinking about what you’ve done.”

_____________________ ୨୧ _______________________

౨ৎ It’s safe to say that after that mess Levi did not touch Lila’s stuff again (for like a week).

౨ৎ when Levi goes to preschool she immediately signs him up on the soccer team.

౨ৎ she volunteers to help coach and teach the little league team and is damn good at it.

౨ৎ you notice that she’s a bit of a competitive soccer mom.

౨ৎ literally swears under her breath if someone takes the ball off of Levi.

౨ৎ you have to remind her sometimes that they’re just 5-6 year olds.

౨ৎ refers to herself and levi as ‘the boys’ ironically.

౨ৎ when you and Lila go out together and she’s staying with Levi she’ll be like “have fun, the boys will be waiting for you guys.”

౨ৎ dresses him in clothes that mirror her style, which mostly consists of flannels, sweatshirts, chinos and etc.

౨ৎ she overall just loves being a boy mom and anytime Levi does something cute begs you for another baby boy.