#hypomania...returning...

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

telling myself "we are so back" over and over again until it my body starts to internalize it

[lowqualitycleric]

The joys of having both seasonal depression and insomnia means that spring results in both an increase in base energy for me as I move out of a 4 month period of severe depression and a sudden inability to sleep at all without medication.

[sutashii]

for a long time of my life i thought that my hypomania episodes were me being my real self. and during the depressive episodes i’ve tried to return to me being hypomaniac again. i thought i’m just experiencing only huge depressive episodes until my psychiatrist said that no, you’ve been experiencing a bipolar 2 disorder your whole life.

[ragerat-art]

Ranwanweek24. Day 2. School au. Dimples.

Mo Ran doesn't sleep well. He remembers that he took someone else's place, and he is haunted by the thought that one day his deception will be discovered and his normal life will end. On top of that Mo Zhan has bipolar disorder, but he is unaware of it, just blaming his temper. In hypomania, he conquers teachers with charisma, and he gets grades for a song, makes useful connections and plans for the future. Textbooks are easy for him, so he treats his teachers and classmates as fools. When depressed, he becomes withdrawn and aggressive and almost never shows up to class.

Just the thought of returning to the poverty in which he spent his childhood is scary to him, because he wants to earn his own money, and preferably quickly. As a result, he works part-time in a shop that sells various food additives and dietary supplements. There he is valued, both for his intelligence and charisma, and is step by step introduced to the intricacies of the matter. Soon Mo Ran realizes that they also sell other “medicines” there, which bring in much more money.

[rena-ragerat]

Ranwasweek24 Day 2. School au. Dimples.

Mo Ran doesn't sleep well. He remembers that he took someone else's place, and he is haunted by the thought that one day his deception will be discovered and his normal life will end. On top of that Mo Zhan has bipolar disorder, but he is unaware of it, just blaming his temper. In hypomania, he conquers teachers with charisma, and he gets grades for a song, makes useful connections and plans for the future. Textbooks are easy for him, so he treats his teachers and classmates as fools. When depressed, he becomes withdrawn and aggressive and almost never shows up to class.

Just the thought of returning to the poverty in which he spent his childhood is scary to him, because he wants to earn his own money, and preferably quickly. As a result, he works part-time in a shop that sells various food additives and dietary supplements. There he is valued, both for his intelligence and charisma, and is step by step introduced to the intricacies of the matter. Soon Mo Ran realizes that they also sell other “medicines” there, which bring in much more money.

[thescorpionmonarch]

Astro forecast

Mars entered Scorpio. Mars is one of Scorpio's rulers (the other is pluto, Mars is traditional, Scorpio is Modern).

Sex magick for money, making kids, protecting and strengthening your relationship, getting resources including working the government to your favor, and using it for self defense or protection magick (including return to sender) is strong at this time.

Kundalini energy is strong.

(Trigger warning, SA implied)

Keep your sexual health clean. Enthusiastic consent is consent and needed from both parties at all times. If it's approaching harassment or too aggressive or someone isn't listening (idc if they say "the passion overwhelmed me"), it's time to put a hard stop, defend yourself, or leave.

This includes watching veering into hypersexuality

(Trigger warning, Physical abuse, Assault, and emotional abuse).

Watch for verbally aggressive people just using the aggression to manipulate you or getting to the point of physical violence. Watch your own anger.

Revenge energy is high. People crave justice. Some will get it. Some don't deserve it and think they do. Some want to go to far and think someone is guilty or worse than they are (someone feels unsatisfied that someone's karma is too light). Trust and believe that the universe knows what justice really is.

Topics of political war is more frequent during this period. National topics on people who committed big crimes are getting checked.

Don't abuse drugs (avoid hard drugs). Even if it is 🚬 🍃, take breaks every do often. Cut it in half or in third. Save money. Lower tolerance. Less is more.

Creativity is obsessive. Like hyperactivity/hypomania/mania around creating and completing project after project. Artwork after art work. Making many products. Watch for an over active sacral.

Some people have aggressive spiritual teams. Yeah, sketchy spirits, but also very defensive spirits. See the karma comment.

Dancing magick is up. Belly dancing is a good idea. Kundalini energy present.

Hyper active psychic abilities. Take care of your third eye and crown. Gonna need to ground and wear a head scarf or do an head energy cleanse (moon water, blessed baths, smoke cleanse, youtube vids, Florida water, sound bowls, or bells all can help). Pamper your hair with a mix of oils. Make your own oil blend for your head or your own serum.

Amethyst is great. Watch for citrine and tigers eye. Hyperactivity implied even though they are excellent at manifesting confidence, money and luck).

Protect and nurture your mental health.

Extreme focus and "workaholic energy" is up. Please take breaks.

[memecucker]

is there a difference between using pornography as a coping mechanism and addiction?? bc I know someone who used porn in the same way some ppl do alcohol amd it impacted his relationships until he got therapy (just normal kind not conversion or anything) and he got more self confident and addressed his underlying issues n found other more social ways of coping/stress relief, is that not addiction??? Or just llle, maladaptive behavior???

It can definitely be a coping mechanism but (again I don’t know your friend so I’m speaking generally here) alcohol is a bit different because it is an addictive substance and that is gonna effect their brains in a way that say watching tv shows as a coping mechanism would not even after their mental episode is over.

Whether or not porn as a coping mechanism is healthy depends on the circumstances and the person. It could be distracting from solving problems (which it sounds like was the case with your friend) by being a low effort way to pass the time or it could be a perfectly safe way to ride out a mood cycle

I don’t talk about it too much bc I don’t have to but I have bipolar where I mostly cycle through (hypo)manic and mixed (as in a mix of hypomania and depression) episodes and then rarely full depressive episodes. For me this type of coping mechanism isn’t the best when dealing with mixed episodes bc I tend to hyperfocus on a coping mechanism to the exclusion of anything else but also it inherently comes with diminishing returns so I usually end up favoring some repetitious games or whatever more. When I have had full depressive episodes I’d say it’s was good and a sign of progress when I started looking at porn again bc full depression for me involves wanting to stay in bed all day and finding going to the bathroom and eating food to be miserable chores I’d only do when I started to feel physical discomfort. Doing literally any activity of any kind and enjoying it is a sign that things were heading on up (and also my libido is returning). But that’s also my rarest mood so it doesn’t come up too often

[acteur-dramatique]

Cart Full of Regret

In the swell of hypomania,

I feel invincible,

my finger hovering over "add to cart"

like it's the answer to everything

I cannot put into words.

Boxes arrive like gifts I gave myself --

handbags that shimmer in the designer light,

shoes that whisper of status,

another MacBook to join the fleet,

an iMac, and iPad Pro,

each one promise

that this time, this thing

will make me whole.

The packages pile u p,

trophies of a battle I don't remember choosing.

Each swipe of my card feels like medicine,

a dose of something sweet,

a rush of satisfaction --

and for a moment, I'm weightless,

soaring high on the thrill

of having more,

of owning things that shine.

But then, the descent.

The high fades, the boxes sit unopened,

and I crash into the emptiness left behind,

a sinking realization setting in my chest,

heavy as debt,

cold as the glow of unopened Apple screens.

I'm left with receipts,

stacks of dollar signs glaring back at me,

a reminder of the spiral,

the financial wounds I've etched

into my own account.

The depressive swing pulls me under,

and I sit in the dark,

staring at the things I thought I needed,

a fleet of devices, bags, shoes

the mock me now,

fiscally useless,

emotionally hollow.

I want to return the feeling,

to send back the regret,

to undo the cycle that has

unraveled me.

But it's always there,

this loop of highs and lows,

a cycle I wear like a shackle,

each phrase a link in the chain

that keeps me swinging

from bliss to remorse.

I count the cost in more than dollars,

in days lost to regret,

in sleepless nights,

wondering when the need to feel whole

will let me go.

[psychoteacup]

our stories 1.1

it was always depression for me, you know. and of course, the good old friend, anxiety. I've heard so many times that maybe I was just destined to be depressed forever and that was okay. spoiler: it wasn't okay. not really. the constant feel of dread and sorrow, the loneliness, the misery, not seeing a way out. never feeling like I was ever going to be good enough, in anything, or ever. it was a dead end. was I destined to be this melancolic crying damsel on a tower forever?

took me thirty years to find a good doctor and terapist who would take a proper look at this. deep down, behind the curtains. don't get me wrong, there's still a lot of shadow and dust there, but the little peak was all they needed to come up with a few theories.

started off with the possibility of bipolarity, and I always had this idea of never being bipolar because I never had mania episodes. you know, the stereotypical mania episodes where your energy makes you unstopable and you're, in fact, for the worse, unstopable, in whatever you put your mind into. the thing is, I didn't know about another type of bd that had hypomania. which meant a smaller and less intense episode of mania, followed by long periods of depression. now that was souding more like me.

we tried a few treatments, it went terribly wrong. somewhere in the middle I stopped handling feelings altogether, which is why I'm on meds that make me, to the most part, a little numb. I still feel all of the sadness and desperation, but compared to what it could be, is tamed.

then talking to a close friend, I was sure about ADHD. of couse, being so low energy, the hyperactivity part was a big no-no. which left me confusing (and it does to this day) as to the possibility that I do, have, in fact ADHD, or maybe just ADD. this right here is a work in progress, an investigation still ongoing.

but ADHD explained more of my limitations, the freezing for years, the non stop thinking, the memory loss, distractability, incapability to have discipline or keep following projects through. it explained more, but not all.

then I came up with a few people talking about autism once, even about a test that was made to identify autism symptons and characteristics on women. see, by this point, I only had misconceptions in my mind about what the media had sold me about what autism was. I had never seen a girl with autism in my life or in any of the media consumed. it was a strange land to dive, and I was scared. I denied the signs, because I didn't know what they meant.

after a few months of chaos in my life, this year I returned to the psychiatrist and we started to investigate on ADHD and autism, where he said that from the first day he wrote a note about me that I might have autism, which I haven't even told him about my researches before. that was a bit of a shock. the ADHD part is still something that we're considering, yet to be defined, I suppose.

then the diagnostics came, and I cried like a baby. out of all of the possibilities I never really believed this one, but the signs were all there. I just masked so perfectly, even to myself, ignoring the consequences of it and just putting on a show the next day, never wondering about the never-ending depression and low energy, or how I was never out of the well.

I don't know how to feel, but someday I might.

I'm still learning, and to be honest, this first few months have been weird. I had resistence from people close to me, decided not to tell my parents about it because I was scared of their reaction and didn't want to make things worse.

but I wanna try.

and now I'm under this grieving process of which I recognize everything that was done to me that was so cruel, and even what I did to myself, always so judgemental and cruel to me, never enough in the eyes of a standard that was not made for me to fit in.

it explains so much. my childhood, my trauma. my fights and battles, my internal war.

it's still ongoing, you know. but so much weight was lifted off of me. something I was just so used to feeling, that almost felt as part of me, another limb, all that guilt and shame. but it's not mine to hold on to anymore.

slowly, i'll be shedding those skins. i'll understand my limits and my strengths. it's surely not gonna be easy, but gives me a little more of hope.

i'm yet to meet me.

[king-of-bottoms]

i slept only 4 hrs and feel well rested

problem: this is a sign of hypomania and i dont wish to be manic

two options available to avoid triggering hypomania.

option 1: go to bed now and get more sleep. only 2 more hrs needed to avoid hypomanic state.

option 2: i could nap midday and get my extra hrs in that way

it is completely possible to mitigate mania by regulating sleep. it is my ability to actually sleep that hinders this method, tho

i am a lil sleepy... could return to the snooze zone

one of my fav ways of making myself tired is to just say i am soooo tired and sleepy. its surprisingly easy to convince myself of things when i am presently fence-sitting on an issue

[heavenbled]

hi. i'm rys and welcome to my fuck house in which i'm mentally unwell over my own oc.

lmao not me thinking abt nighthawk collectively, women who have taken their grief and despair and longing and shoved it so far down into their psyche that they both don't even realize it's there anymore. like to a point sao holds melancholy like it is a well-worn jacket of the past that she could never bear to leave bare skin without, and neptune has learned to have a nice balance between her sadness and hypomania.

and then finding HER planet and people she connects with on a level that's unspoken because it can't be spoken with mere words and sounds and syllables. and then. and then! finding ways to manipulate and use the very river of the universe, to find the flow in all things tangible and intangible. to return to the vast ocean of the cosmos, a drop but an additive rather than a negative. a belief in fate.

part of nighthawk's despair and lack of hope is their lack of belief. they have nothing to believe in, they don't let themselves believe in anything because its so much better than being disappointed. or atleast they've convinced themselves that it is. when the iron lords fell, sao had nothing to believe in, more specifically. she believed in them. she believed in their strength. in her strength. she believed in herself! and that's what made lady sao so worthy and strong, she believed in herself and in her teammates and that created a level of strength that the both of them are still looking for. atleast on a subconscious level. something they're both still missing.

and a life where you don't believe in anything. a life without much of a purpose. just … aimless wandering and bounty to bounty, mission to mission, layer of layer added to both of their defenses. took their collective rage and sorrow and shoved it further and further down. created new names, new faces to get the jobs done. became so much of a lie neither of them don’t even remember what belief feels like, what connection is. nighthawk became disconnected and discordant with the entire universe around her the moment sao perished with her iron lords.

and to suddenly come to a place, and not just any place — neptune itself, one of their namesakes, the bluest planet in which had always felt like a call coming home! the very reason neptune looked at the stars and beyond and kept going when it was just her in her early days. to suddenly come here and discover an entire civilization has lived here for centuries and lived WELL! by god, the CLOUDSTRIDERS!!!!! there's this inexplicable connection, something she’s never felt in motherfucking centuries, something like the song of a people she feels so drawn to. like she was meant to flow with them in this river of a universe. its something like a drop of water being returned to the ocean. picking up strand is showing them both that they are in control of their own fate and destiny, nothing else. and that the very thing they both denounced wasn't real, was quickly becoming real; belief begins to sprout and it’s something like taking a deep breath after holding it for so long. subconsciously drowning and suffocating and choking on their own guilt and despondency. this is when she begins to believe in fate. strings of it all just woven together, everything has happened to lead her here and her god has been with her the whole time. and that yes there's no god (not with the traveler, certainly), but she can put her faith somewhere else.

[artemismatchalatte]

Bipolar Impulsivity is starting to Ruin my Life...

Is it August yet??? I just want this class to be over and done with. Give me my degree and get out of my face!!!

I'm so tired and irritated by how everything I do feels like nothing or the wrong thing (This class is so fucking overwhelming). I've been a bit impulsive lately and I'm still kicking myself out of the stupid things I did lately.

I can understand now why one of my friends from when I was younger wants nothing to do with me now. I was trying to talk to her last week but she left me on read for a whole week. I was going to try to invite her to a concert with me but if she doesn't even want to talk to me then I'm obviously NOT going with her. (She's an IRL friend who I grew up with). So now I'm stuck with these tickets I bought and scraped the hell out of my savings for. Not her fault, of course, my dumb ass should NOT have bought the tickets b/c I can't really afford them. 200 dollars is SO MUCH Fucking money. Especially because I make almost nothing. I'm going to have to either return or resell the tickets. >:(

One of my online friends goes to concerts a lot and I thought it would be fun to go see Avril Lavinge but I basically shouldn't have bought the tickets. He has a real job so he can afford the concerts- I can't. My shitty part time job does not pay enough for me to do things like this. I think I was just so stupid and impulsive and bought the tickets because I wanted to do something fun. My life is SO boring right now. But wow, it was so stupid to splurge on something I really cannot afford.

My impulsivity also led me to talk to a bunch of people on reddit too and I REALLY regret some of those conversations. I'm so pissed at myself. I've been taking my medicine like I'm supposed to but I'm actually being affected by bipolar symptoms any way. Fuck. Being tired of my life/bored/lonely is a very bad combination and I've been feeling it lately. I guess this is what I get instead of the more predictable spring hypomania that I used to get on my old medication???

[odetoagirl]

an icarian type of mind

i think i might be manic again, on the up, home alleviates a lot of the personal stress and allows me some reprise that it didnt when i used to live here. it helps me surface from the drowning depression, and makes me feel a little bit more capable. im not sure what it is, a little routine, external discipline, a fridge i dont have to fill and clothes that reappear clean. probably all three. it is a blessing i recognised but never understood like i do now. a pattern i have recognised it that when i return home, my first week or so is merely recovery, taking a breath of air and experiencing waves of relief that exhaust me. the bone deep ache after you put the weight down that you never noticed whilst you held it. the following week, i am inundated with requests for my company, which i schedule accordingly, and perfectly this aligns with a reignited energy and a reintroduction of joy to my mind. i retain my depth and a visible, distinguishing heaviness, but it is accompanied now by a particular lightness to accompany it, a little healed, a person capable of musing and amusing. icarus, free from prison, has shaken off the sea spray weighing him down, and now begins, joyfully, spectacularly to rise. slowly (rapidly), does this escalate into a nuclear whimsy, which might hope to infinitely fuel itself. extroversion becomes gregarious charm, a kiss from the gods, infinite things to say and think and ask and wonder. attentive, observant, infinitely observant, numb to fatigue. a sense of mythology creeps into the ego and i find myself inspired, energised and in love with the world; the thoughts never leave me but i feel a little bravery, which is infinite to the consuming cowardice of the month before, and i can turn from the darkness that had consumed me, and believe i might be able to overcome it or that it might never touch me again. every time it feels true, this time i wont fall back, i feel the love and joy and excitement of life, everything around me is eclectic and electric, i feel the vibrations of everything, and do anything i wish. everyone is an opportunity, and people feel so simple and interconnected. everything is an opportunity. it is a funny thing to know of your own bipolarity, because i know, in one mind that this is the infinite cycle i am trapped in, to bask in the glow of the sun and burn up, to hit the water and start to drown, but i do not know it at all. i cannot unconvince myself each and every time that this is the time it lasts, i feel it in my bones, it aches as the truth does, the hope is maybe as debilitating as the feeling itself.

maybe i dont mind living in extremes, perhaps it was what i was born to do. nothing about me is in moderation, anything that appears so is merely the illusion of two simultaneous opposites. it feels perhaps like the realest way to live, to touch the tip of both ends, what experience might i find in the middle that could not be found more intense at either end. i feel like i touch things few people see. the insight is worth the unrest, the karmic turbulence. when the gods are not kissing me, they leave me to grapple with my own mortality. would i consider bipolar desperate existential depression the side effect of the delights i am granted within hypomania? perhaps - the universe within me must too abide by the newtonian laws. i think about this and grit my teeth as i approach the sun, inevitabley, already preparing for the impact of the water. instead i should forget it all and just enjoy the glow of warmth and maintain my childlike faith; i will become the sun, and the planets with revolve around me.

see similar patterns elsewhere; eating, sleeping,

im am trying whilst writing this to seem normal and rational instead of grandiose and arrogant and illusionary. i know i fail, i know as i progress it emerges in leaps and bounds. i dont actually know where though, i can feel it but not identify it, i cant remove it, and i dont know how to tell you anything in any other way.

[brainzcoaster]

I would like 2 return my bipolar its defective. U mean ppl get INFLATED egos with their hypomania???

[fanby-fckry]

Finally got around to posting this, lol. (I filled it out while the template was queued, but then I got distracted.)

Explanations below the cut:

☑️ Cannibalism as a metaphor for _____

Cannibalism as a metaphor for intimacy, cannibalism as a metaphor for fear of abandonment, cannibalism as a metaphor for loneliness, cannibalism as a metaphor for hunger, cannibalism as a metaphor for desperation, cannibalism as a metaphor- *I am forcibly removed from the stage with a comically large hook and returned several minutes later, panting and covered in blood* I’m normal now. (<- lying)

🚫 Speaks in a learned accent

So, I do know several different accents, and consider dialect work to be a hobby of mine (along with general voice stuff), but I don’t use any of them as my day-to-day speaking voice the way Alastor does. I use my native, run-of-the-mill CT accent (it’s not one of the recognizable ones like Bridgeport or whatever the fuck the rich people have going on; I sound like the most generic USAmerican ever) for most things. I have had to work on my speaking voice for my stutter, but that’s a different thing.

☑️ Aro

I am aro-spec, specifically nebularomantic. Romance and romantic attraction confuses the fuck out of me. I’m generally romance-favorable, but my attraction exists on a weird grey area, and I can’t wrap my head around a lot of neurotypical, alloromantic standards for romance. Sometimes I hear about NT allos describing “romantic dates” and go, “why tf would anyone want that; that sounds dumb as hell.”

☑️ Food-snob with questionable tastes

I probably have AFRID or something, but I’ve been calling it “picky eater-ism,” because I’ve been labeled a “picky eater” since childhood. I have actual medical consequences from my picky eater-isms, and I’m pretty sure actual food snobs would judge me for my eating habits. (Actually, I think my partner, a genuine foodie and trained chef, may have judged me before he realized it was like, a clinically significant mental health thing.) My tastes aren’t quite as questionable as cannibalism, but I feel like eating the same sandwich for days on end, then turning my nose up at mashed potatoes or lasagna or ham counts.

☑️ Babygirl-coded

I’m a girl when it’s funny and I’ve decided that this is funny. I will giggle and kick my feet and play with my hair while discussing horrible, horrible things.

☑️ Theater kid at heart

You can take the kid out of the theater but you can’t take the theater out of the kid. I was in drama club every time I had access to one, and loved every second of it. I still break out into song (with or without music), I give whole-ass monologues when I can get away with it, and the “doing voices” hobby is another common manifestation of my inner theater kid.

🚫 Momma’s boy

I’m certainly closer with my mother than my father, but I wouldn’t consider myself a momma’s anything. Maybe momma’s disappointment, but she’d argue against that.

☑️ Causes problems on purpose :)

Listen. Not. Not always. But I do sometimes, occasionally go looking for trouble. When it suits me. Or when I’m bored.

☑️ Touch-averse

Marked this one off because I think it happens enough to be noteworthy. I range from touch starved to touch-averse (*cough cough* just like Alastor) and sometimes I cannot stand to have people’s hands on me, even if they’re someone I love. My skin just crawls and I feel trapped. Also like Alastor (well, pilot!Alastor, anyways), being the one to initiate/control the touch helps, sometimes. There are also parts of me that are just super sensitive to touch in a bad, overstimulate-y way, always. Nobody touch my feet ever, please and thank you. A pedicure sounds like a torture session.

☑️ Edgy Deviantart OC-energy

I have vaguely emo fashion and BPD. I’m like the mundane, humansona of an edgy OC.

☑️ God complex

If you’d asked me a few months ago, I wouldn’t have selected this, but hypomania is a helluva drug. While in the “I can do ANYTHING” phase of my hypomanic episodes, I have persistent delusions of um. Actually being able to do anything. Like thinking I don’t need to eat. That, plus the control freak stuff in the next explanation is enough to count it for me.

☑️ Control freak whose life is out of control

My life has pretty much always been out of my control, and I think that’s what made me such a control freak. I desperately want to keep my life, myself, my image, and my living space in a very particular shape, and I am thwarted at every turn by circumstance or my own incompetence. In the past, I have attempted to force other people’s hands to get what I want, and sometimes I still catch myself trying to play 5D chess with social interactions. I often have to stop in my tracks and go, “Hey. Wait a minute. I care about this person and they care about me. I should just be honest with them about what I want and why. I should have a conversation about it on equal footing, instead of trying to push them towards the outcome I want, nipping at their heels like a border-collie without enough enrichment herding the family cat.”

☑️ *disappears under mysterious circumstances*

*nervous laughter* This is not my first tumblr account. And it will most likely not be the last. I disappear under mysterious circumstances so often I dropped out of high school about it. No, I will not be elaborating on that! (It would ruin the mystery!)

☑️ Masks by smiling

Once upon a time, there was a small child with big brown eyes and natural flat affect who got tired of hearing, “you look sad :(” “why are you sad?” “you know it takes more muscles to frown than to smile! :)” Sick of the grownup’s shit, the child learned to mask their flatness of affect by over-exaggerating their expressions (including their resting face and smile), and still does so to this very day. I look like a fucking cartoon character, but I get way fewer assholes telling me to smile.

☑️ Prey animal rage

My partner and I often joke that I am “prey animal-coded,” because of my exaggerated startle reflex and general anxiety (I even have a disorder about it!) and I am in fact, full of rage. My rage, like my need for control, often comes from a place if desperation. When I get into fights, it’s either because of a threat to my/someone else’s wellbeing, or a perceived threat. And I’m working on that last one, as well as trying to figure out when actual threats are fight-worthy and when it’d be more effective to play nice.

☑️ *bites you bites you bites you bites-*

I am extremely mouth-oriented. I bite to show affection, I bite to show frustration, I chew on objects and clothing and my own fingers. My parents had to change laundry detergents when I was a kid, because I would chew on my shirt collars and my mom was worried I was going to poison myself, so she picked the most non-toxic thing she could find. I tore buttons off once or twice, I think.

🚫 Predator fear

I actually don’t think I have this one? I was specifically referencing this tumblr post when I made the bingo card, and I would not consider myself “a successful hunter,” which is set up as the juxtaposition for prey animal rage. I identify somewhat with a few predator animals, but more like… • Caged tiger pacing its enclosure, suffering from zoochosis, descending into madness for humanity’s entertainment. • Under-socialized chihuahua shivering and shaking, more bark than bite – but only because its jaws are so small. • Declawed house cat who bites because that’s all it has left. Idk if that’s what op was going for or not, and I already had so many bingos that I just left it off, lol.

☑️ Thinks showing emotion equals weakness

I am working in it. As we say in DBT, my wise mind knows that showing emotion dies not equate to weakness; my emotion mind is still catching up. Humans are a social species. We’re supposed to be vulnerable with each other, we’re supposed to cover each other’s weaknesses. Part of the reason we have such expressive faces/voices/body language is to communicate emotions to other humans in order to ask for help. The very first thing we learn to do as babies is to cry. And yet, there is a small part of me that says, “Hm, no.”

☑️ Ace

No sexual attraction here! Took me a while to figure that out, because I was confusing aesthetic/sensual attraction with sexual attraction, and the conflation of sex and kink added a whole other layer to things, because I’m way more kink-favorable than sex-favorable. I consider myself a sex-oscillating, kink-favorable, stone top asexual as well as aegosexual, due to the disconnect between my attraction (0), the ways I engage with sex in fantasy (a lot, but not with me in it), and the ways I engage with sex irl (only in extremely limited and specific circumstances). This is like the only time you’re getting a full list and explanation of my ace labels all in one place out of me, so enjoy it, lol.

🚫 Knows how to dance

I did ballet and tap as a small child, and then avoided dancing as much as I could for the rest of my life. I have shit coordination and it makes me sad to have it on display like that.

☑️ “I would kill for you. Please let me kill for you.”

I mean, 1.) this is tumblr; we use absurd hyperbole here, 2.) I think if I was born a few generations ago when it was easier to get away with murder, I might’ve been literal about this. I don’t want to go to prison, and there are cameras everywhere now a days. But if things were still like John Mulaney’s

☑️ Violence is the answer

Sometimes it just is. Not always, but sometimes. Sometimes there are situations you just can’t peacefully negotiate out of.

☑️ Lies for fun

This kinda goes along with “Causes problems on purpose :)” but also, I firmly believe that acting is just artistic lying. And sometimes, I lie for necessity’s sake, but have fun doing it all the same.

☑️ Attention whore

If you can’t make your own self esteem, external validation is fine! (Haha, no it’s not; I am suffering.)

Inspired by @blitzwhore’s Helluva Boss bingo cards.

For a shuffled version, click here.

I’m planning on making more of these, so here’s the tag, in advance.

Posting a copy of the alt text under the cut for easy copy-pasting on mobile; please consider adding an ID to your card if you post it.

A blank 5x5 bingo card for Alastor from Hazbin Hotel; the columns are labeled with the letters B-I-N-G-O; column by column from left to right, top to bottom, they read: Column 1/B: Cannibalism as a metaphor for [blank]; Speaks in a learned accent; Aro; Food-snob with questionable tastes; Babygirl-coded Column 2/I: Theater kid at heart; Momma’s boy; Causes problems on purpose [analog smile emoticon]; Touch-averse; Edgy Deviantart OC-energy Column 3/N: God complex; Control freak whose life is out of control; [free space/picture of Alastor]; *disappears under mysterious circumstances*; Masks by smiling Column 4/G: Prey animal rage; *bites you bites you bites you bites-*; Predator fear; Thinks showing emotion equals weakness; Ace Column 5/O: Knows how to dance; “I would kill for you. Please let me kill for you.”; Violence is the answer; Lies for fun; Attention whore

[akaraboonline]

It Isn't Really Love If You Haven't Experienced These 7 Things

Romantic love is as old as time itself, and it has long been thought to be the domain of philosophers and poets. It Isn't Really Love If You Haven't Experienced These 7 Things After all, it causes waves of euphoria and torment that seem to erupt at the slightest provocation, defying all logic and reason. It tends to manifest just at the moment we aren't looking for it, and often the person with whom we fall in love makes very little sense to our friends and relatives. 1. Inception Inception is the point at which someone in your life begins to take on a whole new meaning. It could be someone you've known for years or someone you just met a few hours ago. In either case, you begin to focus intently on that person — a trait known to scientists as salience. Congratulations! Whether you intended to or not, you have started the process of falling in love. 2. Intrusive thinking The next stage occurs when you begin to have thoughts about your love. You replay conversations, remember what he was wearing one night, or remember her smile fondly. You wonder what he would think of the book you are reading, or what her advice on your problem with your boss might be. Every encounter with your beloved, whether planned or unplanned, becomes a weighty event worthy of ongoing scrutiny. 3. Crystallization Those who are in love are sometimes said to idealize their beloved, but science demonstrates that this is not the case. The third stage of falling in love, on the other hand, is known as crystallization. This is when you start to get a clear picture of your love's strengths as well as his flaws. Your beloved is becoming a complete, real person in your mind, rather than an ethereal figure. Despite knowing her flaws, she has a tendency to dismiss them or even regard them as endearing quirks. 4. Craving, hope and uncertainty Craving, hope, and uncertainty go hand in hand with crystallization. You are overcome with the desire for a relationship now that you have a clear picture of who your beloved is. Everything that happens between you takes on emotional significance — the smallest positive overture becomes proof that your love is returned, while the smallest rebuff becomes cause for despair. This phase includes separation anxiety and the determination to overcome any obstacles to your love. 5. Hypomania You will most likely experience what scientists refer to as hypomania at some point. This is the surge of energy that makes you feel as if you don't need much food or sleep. However, it can also manifest as flushing, trembling, physical awkwardness, stuttering, sweating, and a racing or pounding heartbeat. 6. Jealousy and intense motivation Those who have progressed along the path of falling in love tend to have a strong desire to win over their love interest. During this stage, irrational jealousy and behaviors known as "mate guarding," which are designed to keep other potential partners away from your beloved, are common. Fear of rejection and an overwhelming sense of longing are also common at this time. 7. Helplessness Your intense emotions will almost certainly give way to a sense of helplessness at some point. You may feel depressed at first, but as the obsessiveness fades, you may wonder why you ever behaved so irrationally. Read the full article