#hyliandreso
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petit-etoile · 1 year ago
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Oh oh I have an AU I haven't had the chance to write anything for. It's pre-vampirism magistrate Astarion and criminal tav who is incredibly well-versed in law. They keep committing crimes and getting caught in purpose just to see Astarion who fucking hates their guts because he can't ever convict them of anything bc they find loopholes and somehow manage to evade the law. It's an "at each other's throats" kinda romance and they kiss with teeth between cases
darling,  if  you  love  me  say  it  back
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pairing  .  ⊱   astarion x tav wordcount  .  ⊱   3,604 content warnings  .  ⊱  canon compliant temporary character death,  tav isn't a human but can be whatever else you like,  astarion isn't a vampire yet,   tav is gender neutral other tags  .  ⊱   canon compliant,  canon temporary character death,  introspection,  p.orn without plot,  oral s/ex,  desk s.ex,  inappropriate use of a cravat,  c.reampie archiveofourown  .  ⊱   here.
taglist  .  ⊱  @azrielshadows1nger, @pandimoostuff, @faevi, @microskies, @foreverthemaraudersera, @queenofthespacesquids, @claryvoyantfray, @6doodlaang14, @anne-isnotokay, @itshimbotime, @yeeteth-the-raven, @sessils,@8-opossums, @worryknotdear, @abirdaboxandachippedcup, @ghosts-and-ink, @b4um3pfl4um3, @gunslingerorchid, @hypopxia,  @m0ssytrees, @erysione, @odette-attackattack, @catching-fire-in-the-wind, @ashrio20, @wills-mental-illness, @queenofcarrotflowers-s, @kirahlene be added  .  ⊱   here .
summary  .  ⊱   The Magistrate Judge Astarion Ancunin has a soft spot for you. You like to exploit that fact.
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‘I need to see you in my office,’ Astarion hisses  —  and the tips of his ears are so red you think they might catch flame. He grabs you by the elbow roughly and tugs. ‘Now.’
‘Let’s do it, baby,’ you say smugly. ‘I know the law.’
Knowing the law might be an overstatement. You have studied the law for only one purpose, and that purpose you know like the back of your hand. So when Astarion presses you, you don’t argue. You do as the magistrate says and allow yourself to be dragged across the court. He admonishes you like one would get onto a dog who misbehaves. You can’t help but laugh.
It isn’t like Astarion isn’t a super serious magistrate with a focus on criminal prosecution. He wants to nail you for your sins, for your crimes. The only catch is that no matter how amazing Astarion is at his job, you’re simply better. If you’ve stolen something, you’re more than capable of hiding the evidence. If you’ve murdered someone, you know all the best ways to hide a body. It comes naturally.
Astarion is wearing that ever familiar frown as he marches through the elegant halls. It’s a frown that says you’re in trouble and there’s nothing that I can do. But that isn’t necessarily true. Astarion will do anything you ask so long as you ask nicely, and you’ve been getting good at asking nicely lately. He prides himself in training you even if it isn’t that simple. He calls it rehabilitation. You call it sex.
‘You can’t keep doing this, you know,’ Astarion snaps at you. ‘At some point you must give it up!’
He isn’t good at whispering when he’s riled up. He runs his free hand through his curls in anger, pushing them away from his face like his bangs being wild make it hard to think. It makes him more attractive.
‘You don’t mean that,’ you say with a shrug.
‘I do,’ he says, ‘very much mean that.’
You grin. ‘You would miss me,’ you tell him lasciviously, and he groans. ‘I know you would.’
He huffs. ‘The only thing that I would miss is the peace after the headache you’ve given me. It’s as though you aren’t even aware of how vexing you are.’
You laugh, and the fine line of Astarion’s temper snaps. He all but throws you in his office and locks it behind him. He’s annoyed with the way you stagger dramatically to one of the velvet couches before his desk. You lean over the arm and kick your feet up.
‘Does the idea of cuffs around my wrists excite you?’
You look over your shoulder. Astarion clenches his jaw. It must hurt to frown as hard as he is. You pull yourself onto the cushions and sit demurely. You study him. His rigid lines, tense gaze. He comes and sits on the edge of his desk, pressing his forehead into his hands as if that will relieve him of his headache. You’re determined to make it worse.
‘I apologize,’ you say sweetly. ‘I’ll behave from now on.’
‘We both know that you are not capable of behaving,’ Astarion says thinly.
He shouldn’t have said that. You can’t help yourself, but most of the time, Astarion makes it so easy for you to dig into his weaknesses and exploit them. You stare at him with wide, innocent eyes.
‘You should teach me,’ you suggest.
Astarion’s patience snaps. ‘I beg your pardon? Have some decorum, please!’
‘Having decorum is so boring,’ you say, pouting. ‘Life is much more fun when you live freely.’
‘And committing crimes is your definition of living freely?’
‘What is the point of living if not to live?’ you ask. ‘Why confine myself to rules of good or bad when I can choose what makes me happy.’
‘What exactly makes a criminal like you happy?’ Astarion asks bitterly.
You’ve always been possessed by a sense of otherness. You rise from the couch and carefully twist your fingers in his cravat, tangling yourself in him as he has become entangled in you. The Silverymoon lace tickles your skin. You pull Astarion closer and he begrudgingly caves to your strength. Your lips barely brush against his and already you can sense it. The barely contained restraint. The hunger. Astarion longs for you. He’s carefully hidden it beneath the scent of bergamot.
Slowly, you slide him free of what pressures him most. The cravat slides from his neck easily. It excites Astarion. His eyes glitter like you’ve never seen before. Being a magistrate isn’t about caring about the laws he’s vowed to uphold. It’s about power. You give it to him. You hold your wrists together with a wicked grin.
You balance the fabric on your fingers. Astarion swallows. Being proper isn’t really his thing. It’s thrilling to watch as he changes his mind. You annoy him  —  he detests you, wishes you gone. You are the object of all his improper late night dreams.
But as if he’s moving through water, he takes his cravat from your hands. You almost think it’s going to be a rejection. Astarion bundles your wrists together with an expertise that suggests he’s done it before. The binding becomes tight but not too tight and you relish in the way it twists your wrists. He fastens the knot into a pretty bow.
And then he kisses you. He grabs you so roughly by the back of the neck that your teeth slam together, but Astarion sighs so prettily against your mouth you decide you could withstand anything.
It’s a passionate kiss made up of teeth and spit and tongue. Astarion is both pushing you and pulling you. He can’t make up his mind. Does he want you and the stain you’ll bring to his reputation? A magistrate with a weakness for a criminal is such an interesting dynamic, but Astarion is a proud man. You are almost certain he would throw you into harm’s way if a situation ever occurred that deemed it necessary. You would do the same given the chance. This is simply a tryst.
You like to pretend it is, at least. You hate coming across as a romantic. You chase a freedom so exquisite no one will ever understand it, but when Astarion pushes you towards the couch, you don’t complain. You fall across the cushions with ease and catch him as he falls between your thighs.
‘You,’ Astarion accuses hotly, ‘are an irrevocable annoyance I may never be cured of.’
‘You are so very frank in all the ways you despise me,’ you say, moaning softly as he kisses your neck. ‘I think you’re capable of being freed after all.’
‘I am glad to see you are finally aware that it is hate that drives me,’ Astarion murmurs thickly. ‘It repulses me that you think you could possibly be endearing.’
You laugh and Astarion sucks a bruise into your collarbone. He’ll pretend to be aloof and noncommittal to your very presence, but he’s invested. You can feel the weight of his pleasure against your thighs even as he denies his feelings for you. Astarion doesn’t bother with your shirt or his own. He clings to your waist as he finds the lace of your breeches and tugs you free.
Astarion pushes his hand inside of your smallclothes and touches your flushed skin, spreading his fingers so that he can touch every inch your body has to offer. The fervor of the motion is what causes you to gasp. He’s a man on a mission, and he touches you at your core so adoringly it makes the bite of his words all but disappear. He fondles you like he’s never touched your skin before. Your gasp turns to a sultry whine, and he bites your neck like a punishment. You almost think he’s going to admonish you, that he’ll say your silence is worth more. He doesn’t. If anything, the echo of your voice spurns him to go further.
Astarion presses two fingers inside of you and the laughter dies in your chest. He’s trying to rearrange you through a perverse method. If he fucks you good enough, crime’s appeal will turn to dust within your mind. It makes you wonder what it would be like to dote on a magistrate. Would it be enough? Could it be enough? Sinning feels just as sweet.
He curls his fingers against your core and your back arches prettily off the velvet cushions. You bite your bottom lip and try to quell the pining, but then you catch a glimpse of him from beneath your eyelashes. Astarion is watching your every move. His lips are parted. His pupils are dilated. His cheeks have colored at the sound of your voice. He is torn between watching your face for your reactions and glancing down at his hand underneath your breeches. You meet his gaze bravely, chin lifting, and smile.
He adds another just to watch you struggle. The angle, the curve of his wrist, and the situation are enough to make your thighs squeeze together, but Astarion doesn’t let you. He roughly throws himself between your legs so that you can’t, and it’s hot, too hot that you cry weakly. He grins at the sound like he always does, like he always will. It’s his victory this evening. 
But as quickly as Astarion deigned to touch you, he releases you. He stands up and drags you by the wrists, turning his cheek the other way when you try to taste his skin.
‘The prosecutor is ineffectual  —  ’
You snort without meaning to, and Astarion digs his fingers into the swell of your hip. You allow him to maneuver you, bending at the waist while he presses you forward, chest against the chilled wood of his desk. You have to rise on your toes to stand comfortably.
‘Is that what you’re thinking about?’ you ask breathlessly.
‘I’m thinking about the necessary reform,’ Astarion snaps.
You press your cheek into the wood and stare at his door. The prosecutor, the defense. It doesn’t really matter, does it? Astarion is the only one who cares. You’re somewhat glad he does. It means he’s taken your case to interest, and when he presses himself to your lower back, you’re excited. He shoves your breeches to your ankles.
‘Are you going to take me here?’ you murmur. ‘On your desk. Where is your propriety?’
‘You dare speak to me of decency?’ Astarion snorts.
‘The weight of my sins will be forever embedded on your desk,’ you say. ‘You flatter me, your honor.’
‘Do you ever stop talking?’ Astarion asks. You can hear his patience snapping.
‘Well, you’re just so boring,’ you say, laughing. ‘Why don’t you do something that  —  ’
Astarion kneels down behind you and shoves his way between your legs. You shiver when he presses his lips against your core. He mouths at you hungrily. He grunts low in the back of his throat and digs his nails into your thighs. It steals your breath away. He’s so determined to change the very essence of your being that his tongue and mouth searching where his fingers first were makes you go weak in the knees. You whine.
You press your fingers into the dark, rich mahogany of his desk and try to keep focus. You want to taunt him. You want to tease him, but that wanton desire is almost forgotten entirely by the way Astarion feasts upon your flesh. He parts you with his thumbs and groans against your skin and you almost forget who you are. This is what he wanted. He wanted to pull your desires from you and replace them with his own.
You let him. He works you up as easily as anyone can be worked up, his fingers and his mouth exploring every inch of your skin that’s exposed. He goes to slide a finger in curiously, but you twist your hips away. Astarion is all work and no play. He will tease you relentlessly as it suits him, and he will do what interests him. You interest him more than he’s willing to confess. That’s why he works so hard for your pleasure.
When he’s done with you, he kisses the base of your spine soothingly. Your legs tremble beneath you. Astarion smooths his hand across your hip. You glance at him.
‘Perhaps I can fuck some sense into you now,’ Astarion mumbles.
He has the audacity to sound inquisitive. It’s not like it’s possible, but he seems determined enough to try it out regardless of his intuition. His hands are warm against your skin, and the excitement only builds in the pit of your stomach as you feel Astarion’s skin touch yours. You hear his clothes rustle and his breath catch in his throat. You hide a smile against your arm.
When Astarion slides into your core, it’s like a possession. The breath steals from your lungs. His touch is a familiar constant  —  you would recognize him anywhere by scent alone. You cry weakly. Your toes crunch from the angle, but there’s nothing you want more at this moment than to learn to be good.
Astarion hums behind you as well, his fingers digging into your hips as he tries to steady himself. The desk crunches uncomfortably against your belly but it’s a welcome pain. It keeps you focused. You still have the energy to wiggle back against him as his cock slowly pushes in until there is no more room left to explore.
‘Be good,’ he whispers, ‘and I will give you what you deserve.’
What do you deserve exactly?
It’s hard to say. You enjoy your life of crime almost as much as you love the way Astarion bends you over his desk. You’re good at stealing, you’re good at killing, but you’re good at being soft and pliant as well, giving in to that sentimentality that keeps you coming back from more.
At first it was an elaborate game. What could you do to ensure that Magistrate Judge Astarion Ancunin looked your way? He was a noble elf, and your hands were covered in fresh dough from the baker you stole from. There was a curious glint in his eyes when he looked over you, yet somehow the gods had deemed the yeast and honey on your fingers was not honest enough to be proof.
You are smitten. You bounce taller on your toes with every aggressive thrust, arms struggling to support your weight. Astarion fists his fingers into your hair and pulls until your throat is exposed. He wants you to sing for him, so you do. You arch your back and moan loudly. The sounds of it bounce around his little office.
‘You wouldn’t shut up before,’ Astarion says breathlessly, a hoarse laugh.
‘Do something  —  worth talking about  —  ’
Astarions laughs incredulously, but he does fuck you harder for it. He releases your hair without much flourish and focuses on dragging your hips back onto his cock, punching forward so hard you see stars. It’s wonderful, it’s powerful. If Astarion’s entire goal was to make you forsake the world, he’s done a good job of turning your life around. The cravat rubs against your wrists as you try to seek purchase on the desk. Your fingers drag across the polished wood, and you shudder as you clench down around his cock.
You sound so breathless and silly, groaning while he fucks you against his desk. He fills you full until you’re certain you can take no more. You press a hot cheek against the wood and try to catch your breath. You hook a foot around his ankle for support, twisting on his desk. You tuck your arms beneath your chest. You feel as though you’re coming undone. All your years of villainy, and it comes undone by the consistency of Astarion’s presence.
Your arms are stiff from constantly being up, but you’re almost grateful when Astarion pauses. He helps you turn on top of his desk so you’re on your back instead, and even though the edge digs into your lower back, you prefer that to anything else.
You meet Astarion’s gaze. He tells you he hates you, that he wishes you were out of his hair, that he despises you, but the gentleness of his eyes tells you otherwise. He slides back into you with a small moan, and you wrap your legs around his hips to guide him in further.
‘It’s good,’ you gasp. ‘It’s good, you’re good  —  ’
Astarion doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t have to. You can see it clear as day in his eyes. Astarion won’t say he loves you, that in his ardent fervor he seeks you out, but he knows that you know. Why else would fate lead you back together? You reach for his face with your hands, and his eyes flutter closed to avoid the wistfulness. He leans into your touch.
You cry softly as Astarion begins to grind into you again. He helps carry you as he does so. And it feels so good, feels so overwhelming that you briefly consider the fact that he has changed you for the better.
A spirit that slides into your very marrow. Astarion is hauntingly beautiful, and if he is a spider then you are a fly tangled in his web. He calls you a pretty thing and you give into the struggle. You press your wrists against your forehead and strain against his cock, unable to hide from the waves of crashing pleasure.
Astarion finishes inside of you with a low moan. He presses a rough hand against your belly to stabilize himself, and shyly, you touch his wrist with your bound hands just to feel his pulse. As soon as he’s caught his breath, he releases you from your bonds.
You almost miss him when he pulls away from you. He uses one of his hanging cassocks to clean himself with and is kind enough to do the same for you. You’re almost certain that your legs won’t work, so you sit up on his desk to rest and damn his paperwork to the hells. You kick off your breeches from around your ankles and sit, legs crossed, while Astarion tries to fix his reflection in the mirror.
‘You are truly an astute teacher,’ you say casually. ‘The art of lockpicking is all but gone from my mind. Thank you, your honor.’
Astarion snorts and shakes his head, torn between ignoring you and giving into your wiles. He curls his hair back into place and then walks back to you, leaning forward until you’re nose to nose.
You think he won’t kiss you, but then he does. His lips taste like summer oranges and you taste him until it’s the only thing you can think of. He hugs you tenderly. It isn’t the same as when he admonishes you. It makes your chest feel warm. You almost feel weaker for it. Your bite is being taken away.
‘I can’t keep protecting you,’ Astarion says softly against your cheek. ‘You torment me day and night. When I lie down in my sheets, I find myself consumed with worry.’
‘You think about me?’ you tease. ‘In your sprawling manse?’
‘Move in with me,’ he murmurs. ‘Then you can be inferior yet vain inside my sprawling manse.’
Astarion is not there that evening. You try to wait as long as you can without seeming suspicious. There are maids, family members, and their admirers who come inside and out throughout the evening  —  but not Astarion, never Astarion. You wait until the sun sets and fireflies light up the streets of the Upper City but eventually, the malaise of abandonment guides your feet away. You walk the streets aimlessly until a shiver runs down your spine. A chill so violent turns you away from the courthouse.
But in the morning, there’s a fuss. It draws you back into where you left and you can’t help but to lose yourself. Astarion is dead. His mother sobs. The members of the city watch who bear the bad news look equally as morose. Astarin’s father nearly falls to his knees in despair.
When you break into their manse that evening, you look for one thing. You steal a cravat from his wardrobe and tie it around your neck.
Then, you leave Baldur’s Gate.
You aren’t sure where your feet are going to take you.
Part of your yearns for the Underdark. Baldur’s Gate is a cursed city, you decide. You wander back to it after two hundred years of avoiding it like the plague, and not an hour within the city are you spirited away on an adventure you never longed for.
You have changed. You can’t really remember who you were all those years ago, or the hopefulness you might have felt in your chest once. You’re different now. A folk hero. You used to steal from the rich and give to the poor before the mindflayers fed you their parasite and stole that part of you. But you aren’t alone this time. You wander the beach for hours searching for anything that can be of use and pause over a love letter that makes you sob.
It isn’t all bad. You meet a half-elf who scowls as much as she mumbles to herself.
On the other side of the beach, you meet a ghost.
His eyes are different from what you remember. The warmth he once looked upon you with is gone and replaced by unfamiliar sanguine.
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garaktime · 25 days ago
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Did i ever show you the random clown image i found that looks like nana visitor
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was like "tf show was she a clown in' before i read the message
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astarion · 1 year ago
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OMG who did you have to suck off for that url I'm jealous, good for you good for you!!!!
Um, thanks, but, I didn’t claim the URL from anyone. I’ve had this account for over a decade and came up with the name at the time. It was a big surprise to me when I started seeing the name popping up out of the blue and learned about BG3 and the character Astarion.
The game’s on my list to play, (even more so thanks to this coincidence), but probably going to wait to get a better computer first since there’s already some modern games that it can’t even boot up.
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radicrow · 2 years ago
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Just to join these anons I'm extremely thankful to you for validating my observation that a MINIMUM of 3 out of 5 FE players also play ffxiv. We are here we exist one day we will take over the world. The connection? Maybe twinks?? Bunny boys? Who knows it's a warrior's bond that binds us together
its true i feel like so many fe fans also play ffxiv which is like yeah. i see a lot of fe character themed wols running around eorzea too akjnvkjdhrg....
yall seen that meme about fe players having two paths to go after fe? ffxiv or genshin impact
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disasternoj · 2 years ago
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I love you
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four-eyed-floozy · 2 years ago
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I posted 1,438 times in 2022
That's 655 more posts than 2021!
26 posts created (2%)
1,412 posts reblogged (98%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@oceanblue971
@applejuicewerewolf
@soupcollector
@werewolfbarista
@hyliandreso
I tagged 227 of my posts in 2022
#land of the lustrous - 15 posts
#hnk - 15 posts
#lotl - 15 posts
#houseki no kuni - 15 posts
#edit - 10 posts
#vvideo - 9 posts
#personal - 8 posts
#haruko ichikawa - 4 posts
#yeah - 3 posts
#pokemon - 3 posts
Longest Tag: 124 characters
#god the absolute horror of the ending......did you guys know that if you removed the music at the end while dani was smiling
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
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167 notes - Posted June 8, 2022
#4
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169 notes - Posted August 4, 2022
#3
All five of us houseki no kuni fans how we feeling?
243 notes - Posted May 20, 2022
#2
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I don't think I need to add a caption.
626 notes - Posted July 24, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
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1,165 notes - Posted July 4, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
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petit-etoile · 1 year ago
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Oh I lied they also fuck nasty
ohoho, that they do !!
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disasternoj · 1 year ago
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@hyliandreso
being abnormal about that old man is an olympic sport. and brother im bringing home the gold
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garaktime · 2 years ago
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I've fuckinf yassified him i cant do this anymore
seeing this immediately after waking up was an Experience ty
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bukbot · 7 years ago
Conversation
hyliandreso: Use Even Go Want to do.
typo-panda: Even Seven, and I miss him.
hyliandreso: City.   Even if I’m the chicken run, but I couldn’t see my three loyal readers, but I’m terrified of chickens is therapeutic.
typo-panda: HATE ALL FIRE.
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foulserpent · 5 years ago
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@hyliandreso submitted: this popped into my head at like 5 AM and i couldnt sleep until i got it out of my system
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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purpleheartemote · 4 months ago
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thanks for the tag!!
no pressure tags @capow02 @dazzlerazz @onyxedskies @lunamura @spiritbox713 @hyliandreso @ anybody else who wants to!
Challenging you all!
Put your music library on shuffle, then list the first five songs that come up in a poll to let people vote for which one they like the most!
Then tag Tumblr friends to keep the game going!
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gurn · 8 years ago
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hyliandreso replied to your post “oh my god i got the BEST shit oh my fuck he wasn’t lying, one has got...”
what happened pal?
weed, weed happened
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q-kanbas · 6 years ago
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List 10 songs you are currently obsessed with and then tag 10 people
Tagged by @miragulix .Thanks for the tag!
1. SOURCE - Fever the Ghost (I love the music video and animation too!)
2. MOVE - Taemin 
3. Screwed - Janelle Monáe ft. Zoë Kravitz
4. Dove - Pillar Point
5. Party Like it’s Your Birthday - Studio Killers 
6. Who is She? - I MONSTER
7. Something About You (Remix) - Trevor Something
8. The Loving Cup - Christine and The Queens
9. Ashes - Céline Dion
10. Dance For Me Wallis - Abel Korzeniowski for W/E. (I have never watched this movie I just really love the entire soundtrack.)
I’m tagging:
@hyliandreso @lovestransformers @ninulle @not-suspicious-i-swear @otherspook @raditzpuffytail @darkfalcon-z
+ anyone else who wants to do it! 
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thegalaxytraveler · 7 years ago
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When you get this reply with 5 things that make you happy, then send it to the last 10 people who are in your activity (give you notes) :3
Currently? 
1. My bf bc he’s amazing and cute and a dork basically
2. Having found Baman Piderman (Holy shit Pumkin is my fav character everyone is allowed to ramble to me about it)
3. Drawing cool stuff when i want
4. Videogames and Nintendo (ace attorneyyy and pokémonnnnn and KiRBYYYYYY andddddddd man if they weren’t so cashy cash it would be the perfect company)
5. Pizza. Fried foods? food. yeah, food. good food.
6. i’m listing 6 bc anarchy so I also love the t-shirt i’m wearin rn bc i love this t-shirt it’s the best 10/10 would wear again and ever and always
And since i’m lazy i’ll tag 5 first random bc yeah 
@polyglotplatypus @otagamerkorin @hyliandreso @joker-ace @threefeline There you go don’t punch me thx have a good day and thanks for considering me i guess
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garaktime · 2 years ago
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