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tbh i think tenna projecting on characters would be a recurring occurrence, and a contributing factor to some of his most baffling movie opinions.

hd: "Cats? Cats is one of your favorite musicals?"

tenna: "of course! it's a masterpiece!"

hd: "are you fucking with me? we're talking about Cats (2019), right?"

tenna: "well, Cats [Commemorative Edition] (1998), but i'm sure the remake is..." (judgemental expression) "passable."

hd: "the plot is gibberish, and there are a million characters with, like, one personality trait each. what the fuck makes Cats a 'masterpiece'?"

(flashback to a slightly-younger tenna sobbing and eating ice cream while watching grizabella the glamour cat sing "touch meeeee, it's so eeeasy to leeeeave meeeee, all alooone with the memoryyy of my daaays in the sunnnnnn...")

tenna: "uhhh, well, the music's really good!" (<- does not remember a single other song)

heres where i reveal that i in fact have not seen cats (2019) and have honestly thought all the hubbub was exaggeration. hd would really tell tenna like we are going to watch cats and snap you out of whatever fog is in that shell of yours

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also imagining

pippinses playing spin the bottle in castle town…

the bottle starts to slow as it approaches battat…

every pippins is eagerly watching, praying…

suddenly, there’s a blinding flash of light:

rouxls kaard, standing directly in between battat and the stopped bottle: “HEY GUYSE, COOL GAYME. MAYHAPST THOUS HAVETH ROOM FOR ONE MORE..?”

then they kill him, the end.

HELP THEY WOULD PICK HIM CLEAN INTO A SKELETON.. THEY WOULD EAT ROUXLS KAARD. i can also imagine rouxls accidentally smashing the bottle as hes teleporting in

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also the pippinses being fond of hd because they all think it's fun to be shaken and thrown around by someone really tall and hd is very approachable is such a cute idea. like:

hd: "hey, buddy, what's up?"

pippins: "well, i heard from a friend that you've got a new trick --"

hd: "ah, here for the 'pippins special'? comin' right up."

(hd unwraps their tail from around their waist and hands the end to the pippins, then shoots up to full height, lifting the pippins off the ground, and starts swinging their tail so the pippins goes flying.)

hd: "haha, want me to throw you off? i've been getting better at that, can get a good roll going --"

tenna (showed up because he heard people having fun and wanted to be included, but is now scandalized): "HYDE?? what are you DOING??? put your cord away before the customers see!!!"

hd: "geez, they took the tube outta your head but couldn't get the stick outta your ass, huh?" (to the pippins, quietly) "hey, lemme throw you at him."

pippins: "nothing if you miss, $10 if you hit, and $50 if you get him in the nose!"

TENNA SHOWING UP BECAUSE HE HEARD PEOPLE HAVING FUN IS SO FUNNY HE REALLY IS THAT GUY..... GROWN ASS MAN....

heres hd hanging out with a pippinses hanging on them

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sorry my brain was clearly broken by the pluey Alice Throw, because i read about hd delighting the pippinses by shaking them and immediately pictured hd doing the Alice Throw with a fucking pippins 😭😭😭

which then spawned a horrible idea: tenna and hd watching the twilight movies. they’d be halfway through new moon and it’d be like:

hd: “does bella just think that anyone older than eighteen instantly becomes a hag? tbh, charlie’s kinda got it goin’ on, and she’s got his genes, so she may be missing out on some primo milf-ification if she becomes a vamp now.”

tenna: “…mhm…” (<- temporarily lost in a fantasy about someone approaching him back in his prime and promising to make him young and perfect and desirable for eternity and also to love him and stay with him forever)

STOP TENNA WOULD WANT TO BE BELLA SO BAD I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT HOW MUCH THE TWILIGHT FANTASY MATCHES UP WITH TENNAS ISSUES....

heres hd pitching a pippins

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bad luck battat

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losing the plot? what plot? *running away with a suspiciously plot-sized lump in my mouth*

anyways, battat petting pluey while on instaham has me imagining a secret cheat code for pippinses to survive hd and tenna’s movie nights:

1. curl up in tenna’s lap like a dog. (this is the step that many pippinses might not attempt — not because they aren’t cuddly, but with tenna? but tenna’s a bottomless pit for affection and also has many fond memories of the kids watching tv from older family members’ laps, so he’d probably accept it pretty much in stride. and even though he has plants instead of fur now and his grow lights don’t run as warm as he used to get, it’s still a comfy lap.)

2. this will put tenna to sleep (classic dad-on -the-couch maneuver, head tipped-back and all).

3. hd, forgetting that tenna isn’t even a functioning tv anymore, will wake tenna up to scold him for falling asleep without being plugged in.

4. tenna, too sleepy to remember that he himself isn’t a functioning tv anymore, will go “oh, right, thanks hyde.”

5. everyone goes to bed.

IM GONNA CRY... THIS IS REALLY GOOD... hd thinking of tenna as a tv first and a terrarium second..... and there's something so simple but sweet about scolding him for not plugging himself in like i bet tv darkners get really bad unrestful sleep when not plugged in and hd is like man what the hell. and tenna is probably like what a nice kid, that hyde! [plugs himself in for bed anyways]

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everyone wants you be so serious

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thinking pippins fashion

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guy who dates the biter when he gets bitten:

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PLUEY DOING THE ALICE CULLEN PITCH EVEN THOUGH THE COSTUME HAS MICS FOR PAWS………… those thangs run on pure powerpuff girls logic re: digitless manipulation.

i think we literally are losing the plot atp

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giving you a cake that says "sorry for inflicting twilight mikes on you"

but there's a card on the side that says "but imagine the mikes all playing baseball with 'supermassive black hole' in the background"

IM CRYING BECAUSE I JUST IMAGINED PLUEY DOING THAT STUPID PITCH

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horrible ya-novel-fication of battat aside, i'm now picturing battat in the terrarium au oblivious to the mike polycule, oblivious to the other castle town pippinses who are trying to rope him into a polycule, and spending way too much time in the instaham replies of someone who isn't even in the same fucking dark world anymore.

pippinses: "battat, come play spin the bottle with us!"

jongler: "battat, we's got a delicious homemade pie fresh outta the oven for youse."

pluey: <8-measure sax solo>

battat (reading a push notification titled "@.therealmranttenna just posted a photo"): "guys, i'm busy right now!"

go outside, man!!! 😭😭😭

YEAH THIS IS ACTUALLY WHAT I IMAGINED IS HAPPENING WITH BATTAT IN THE TERRARIUM AU AS WELL..... i like to imagine that they take care of him and keep him well loved even though he's a little freak and chooses to be tenna's reply guy instead of enjoying his freedom

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teenage battat, writing in his journal:

thursday, april 13th. slept through my alarm today. i hate those stupid "mr tenna" alarm clocks -- i hear a bunch of graduating pippinses have wound up working in that bozo's studio, and i'd rather be used as a fucking paperweight than end up there. had to run all the way to pippins school with my toast in my mouth, and all the other pippinses stared at me when i came into gambling class twenty minutes late. ugh. got my darkner poli sci and advanced cheating exams back today. top marks on both. some of my classmates came up to me like "oooh, battat, maybe we could study together" or "do you do tutoring? i'm sure i'll find some way to pay you back, teehee." so i guess they forgot about me being late for class. them calling me a nerd is nothing new, at least. it's not MY fault i'm the one studying while they're all going out to their stupid parties, even though they're always making fun of me by pretending to invite me. not like i'd even WANT to go. what's so great about playing strip poker while drinking battery acid that someone got from their older cousin over in cyber city or whatever? it's all so immature, and they'll all be sorry once we all graduate and i'm the one with a real job doing important work with other mature, responsible adults who appreciate me. can't wait to escape this stupid school and all these fake people. counting down the days......

("pippins school" being to dice for sale what the film school dorm is to tvs for sale was the closest thing to a lore grounding of this slop. ultimately, though, this was just an excuse to write teenage battat's myspace status update. i actually cut out several paragraphs of this because it just kept going. help.)

IDK WHY BUT GAMBLING CLASS AND ADVANCED CHEATING EXAM IS MAKING ME CRY....

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DUDE SAME BRAIN CELL, i thought while writing that ask “the supportive best friend should be jongler” and then immediately “no, c’mon, why would jongler be at Pippins Prom, we gotta have some verisimilitude in this battat ya romance novel bit.”

so ages ago i tried to read fifty shades of grey and gave up really quickly because i honestly found it pretty boring, but i do remember that the protagonist was a brunette who had this huge complex about blondes. like, when she saw a blonde secretary or barista or something she’d be like “man, that chick looks so much more conventionally attractive than me, and i bet she’s seriously judging me right now and thinks i’m weird and plain.” anyways, this is battat with the other pippins (<- me being delusional). he’s super paranoid around the other pippinses while they’re all internally giggling and kicking their feet. he’s #NotLikeOtherGirlsPippinses.

battat twilight bit, unfortunately continued: the “THIS IS THE SKIN OF A KILLER” scene, but instead of seeing edward sparkle in the sun for the first time, it’s <protagonist> seeing battat in the mike suit for the first time. pluey as a werecat (#TeamJacob)..? okay, i’ll stop, i think my brain is turning to porridge.

jongler would be at pippins prom as security(????????)

tbh not just internally giggling i think they giggle out loud and sneak peeks at him and look away when he notices them and they whisper among each other about it and it makes battat feel crazy like they hate him so much??? are they making fun of him????

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HAREM PROTAGONIST BATTAT. i want his ya novel heroine internal monologue. like he walks into Pippins Prom and is like “w-why is everyone staring at me? it’s probably because they think i’m weird… i’ve never been up to date with pippins fashion trends…” and the Supportive Best Friend Character is like “that’s not true, battat, everyone’s staring because you’re the most beautiful pippins in this whole room.”

……….or something. i think i’ve lost the plot.

“i know what you are. you’re always disappearing for long stretches of time. you have a strange, dark-grey suit in your closet. you buy a shocking amount of thumbtacks and string.”

“say it. out loud.”

“you’re mike.”

please harem protagonist battat is literally so real to me he's like the Quirky Girl hes the Weirdo hes the Mystery man i've always imagined that pippins are social and also naturally curious so i don't think battat would be shunned

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yes, tenna loves making a huge production out of things and he loves attention, so of course he Courts… he Woos… he will shower the object of his affection in gifts, compliments, and themed minigames… you’ll say “i love tenna” for him, won’t you? will you say it 99 times?

i do think that, as very charming as he can be, he also thinks he has more game than he does. as much as he knows (and misses!) how conventionally attractive and famous he was in his prime, he probably doesn’t recognize how many of the romantic gestures he made in his youth “worked” because his target thought “well, he’s really hot, so whatever.” lmao.

i agree ghsdkjghkdf he's always been an Eccentric guy and unfortunately off television i think some of that can be a bit much for people