#hydra assholes: oh come on!

[weregonnabecoolbeans]

One of the best things about CA:TWS is how everyone is just mildly annoyed at Steve’s superhuman abilities

[booksandabeer]

Celebrating 10 Years of CA:TWS — A Stucky Rec List

Rec list for the CA:TWS 10th Anniversary Event @catws-anniversary (thank you so much for organizing this event! 💙) | Prompt: Memories

10 years, huh? 10 years of Captain America: The Winter Soldier. 10 years of what many—myself included—still consider to be the best MCU movie ever made.

But also 10 years of post-TWS fanfiction. 10 years of Bucky Barnes Recovering and Steve Rogers' Sadness Errands; of Up All Night to Get Bucky and Revenge Road Trips; of Winter Soldier Trauma Umbrellas and Everybody Needing A Goddamn Hug; of Good Bros and Soft Epilogues. 10 years and tens of thousands of Steve/Bucky fics later, here we are.

So, to mark the occasion, let's take a trip down memory lane and celebrate the movie and the stories it inspired: One fic from each year since it all began:

There's really only one rule here: All fics are set before, during, or after the events of CA:TWS and/or reimagine its plot in interesting ways. Naturally, many of the fics on this list are post-TWS canon divergent, but I tried to go for a nice variety of length, genre, and popularity to keep it interesting. Speaking of popularity, this is very much not intended as a round-up of ‘most popular fics of each year’ because—and I say this with all the love and respect in my heart for those stories and their authors—nobody needs a rec list for that, and I believe in spreading the love. Here we go:

Poltergeists by enemyofrome | 17K, T

Author's summary: When the helicarriers blow up and the Winter Soldier goes on the run, he takes Steve with him. He's got a name written in Morse code on the inside of his arm, a ton of questions he doesn't know how to ask, and now, a new handler with absolutely zero sense of self-preservation to contend with. Life is hard. In which Bucky tries to figure out whether he's a human being, Steve does everything he can to keep from losing him again, and there are lots of explosions.

Starting off with one of the best versions of the 'Bucky didn't leave Steve, he took him with him after the Potomac' fics that were (and still are!) so popular post-TWS. This one stands out because of its fantastic beginning, its interesting take on how Bucky was broken and remade into the Winter Soldier, and because it allows both characters to be messy. It's a popular fanon trope that it's Steve who brings out a ruthless, almost vicious streak in Bucky, but here it's emphasized that this is very much a mutual thing. Just like Bucky, who's often afforded the "excuse" of still figuring out how to be a person again, Steve gets to be difficult here—without ever turning him into a stubborn asshole. They're both traumatized, and they're both allowed to show it and to lash out, including at each other. Also, this fic will give you capital-F Feelings about morse codes and apples. Believe me.

sleepwalk back to the battle site by ftmsteverogers | 22K, T

Author's summary: “I’m going to track down every HYDRA agent that’s left,” Bucky says, buckling his gun deftly to his belt. “And then I’m going to kill them.” “Oh,” Steve says. “Come with me?” Bucky asks, dangerous hands tucked into his pockets.

A classic post-TWS fic that picks up right after the movie ends. Equal parts Revenge Roadtrip, Bucky Barnes recovering, and Steve Rogers being in urgent need of a good hug. This starts out intensely melancholic—Steve's despair and helplessness are palpable and there's a scene involving a drinking glass that still brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. Halfway through, the story changes pace and becomes much more action-heavy, but it still manages to allow space for the quiet, intimate moments between Steve and Bucky. They have both become sharp and deadly men, but they're also allowed to be soft with each other. Their coming together feels sweet and inevitable. I also really enjoyed the Steve characterization here. His absolute conviction that Bucky is still Bucky at his very core and always will be, but also his emotional and intellectual flexibility to adapt to this still-new-to-him, changed version of Bucky rang very true to me.   

Surveillance by Sproings, 7K in 2 parts, G

Author's summary: If there are ears everywhere, that means it's somebody's job to listen. I hate my job.

Do you ever think about how SHIELD bugged Steves DC apartment and how horrible that was, but also...you're kind of curious what they might have overheard? Do you ever wonder about the people who listened in on his sad, lonely life? Well, here you go. An outsider POV fic told "through the ears" of an unnamed SHIELD agent assigned to spy on the private life of a man who doesn't really have much of one. The story begins just before IM3 and takes us all the way through the events of CA:TWS and beyond. It's clever, original and told with great empathy for both the subject under surveillance and the person carrying out that surveillance—who increasingly questions its purpose. Here's a small snippet to give you an idea of the fic's style:

He got a phone call, once. He put it on speaker, too, which was very exciting for me at the time. It was from an archivist at the Smithsonian. They seemed really surprised that he answered his own phone calls. The two of them talked for a long time about an exhibit the museum was planning. A very long time. As if one of them was starstruck, and the other was desperate for any kind of human interaction.

What Gets You Through by velleities | 12K, M

Author's summary: For Steve, getting through each day is a process – one he’s currently failing at spectacularly. Feeling out of place in this brave new world, he hopes to find a home in Bucky, and looks for him with everything he’s got. But Bucky doesn’t want to be found, and when he does touch base with Steve, he never sticks around for long. Bucky has embraced the modern age, leaving Steve lagging behind – or so Steve believes, until Bucky shows him otherwise.

This post-TWS fic revolves around five encounters in liminal spaces, and each time Bucky has pieced himself back together again just a little more. Despite their increasingly longer and more honest conversations, and Bucky's incremental progress, he always disappears again, leaving Steve to grapple with his heartbreak. There are quietly gorgeous moments in this fic (the bus and the church in particular were my personal favorites) as well as wonderfully crafted characterizations. Bucky is initially portrayed as somewhat feral in some ways yet surprisingly well-adjusted in others, and I love that Steve can't help but be a little annoyed at that. However, it quickly becomes clear that, in good old Bucky Barnes fashion, much of it is really just a front put up for Steve's benefit...

A Real Boy by itsnotbleak | 5K, T

Author's summary: It took the Winter Soldier three weeks to remember that human beings needed to sleep and eat. It took Steve far too long to realise the Winter Soldier was sleeping in his bed.

A wonderful, short-but-doesn't-feel-like-it fic (in the very best way) set immediately after CA:TWS, in which Bucky secretly and then soon not so secretly visits Steve in his apartment. Follow along as Bucky Barnes argues with his brain about sandwich toppings, the importance of a good night's sleep, and the necessity of personal hygiene. Also: how to best go about becoming a real boy (again). And who the hell is that Bucky guy anway? This is as soft and sweet a Bucky recovery fic as you're ever going to find. It's funny but not silly; sad in a way that all of these stories inherently are—because, well, these are some tragic boys—but not super angsty or depressing. A beautiful story with a lovely, hopeful ending.

Savage God by PottersPink | 36K, M

Author's summary (abbr.): Past, present, future, Steve knows Bucky Barnes. It’s why he recognized him when he found him in that alley in April of 1942, even though Bucky was older, stronger, wearier; he called himself The Asset, and had a metal fucking arm. He flinched when Steve tried to touch him, and when Steve told him he loved him, his first response was to ask why. Seventy years later, Steve wakes up in the twenty-first century, and he doesn’t know whether to be heartbroken or hopeful when some of the things Bucky revealed to him in 1942 start falling into place.

An absolutely riveting AU that will have you on the edge of your seat the whole time. I'm itching to talk about it more but I cannot since it would mean spoiling the hell out of it. What I can say is that it's a very intriguing and clever exploration of what would happen if Steve knew about the future but without really knowing any of the details. How would it change the events of CA:TFA and CA:TWS, and how would it change Steve himself? I so very much appreciate this characterization of Steve as smart, competent, and unwavering with a hefty dose of no fucks left to give. This fic features some really nifty time travel and plotting, great action sequences and a very satisfying ending where certain people get their much-deserved comeuppance. Plus: Bonus Shrinkyclinks (kind of)!

Charlie Lock by seapigeon | 105K, M (hard M)

Author's summary (abbr.): The Winter Soldier knows that sometimes, in order to make the kill, you must destroy what the Target lives for. Steve Rogers knows that he can't fight his captors. If he fights, they'll kill Bucky. But the price of his life is steep. Tony Stark has nothing left to live for, but he's needed. So all these miserable motherfuckers better stay alive, too. Clint Barton never expected to be a leader. But a leader he is, and no one else is going to die on his watch. --- A story in which the first wave of Project Insight succeeds, and the Avengers must pick up the pieces and find a way to stop Hydra from completing its work with Zola's algorithm.

This is not only the longest fic on this list, but also the angstiest one—by a mile, so please heed the tags. It's dark, disturbing, and brutal. However, it is neither relentless misery porn nor is it shocking for shock's sake, where everything is magically forgotten and/or healed the moment Steve and Bucky start kissing. Instead, the author puts these characters into an absolutely horrifying situation and then slowly, gently guides them out of it and into the light.

It's a Stucky fic but it's also a multi-POV ensemble piece featuring all the Avengers and other familiar faces. If you are someone who'll always be a little bitter about the unfulfilled promise of an Avengers found family, then this is for you. In this AU, they do not only fight together, but grow together in every way. They truly become a team, not just co-workers barely tolerating each other. The story takes its time exploring the characters and the group dynamics. Steve and Bucky are definitely at the center of the narrative but there is space here for every member of the team to grieve and adjust to the new reality and to find at least some measure of healing. It's a story about the meaning and the consequences of revenge, about hope and resilience, and about love in all its many forms. It also has one of the most satisfying title drops that will have you pump your fist in triumph when it happens. It's a tough read, but ultimately a very rewarding one.

SPELEVINK by Ginny_Potter | 10K, G

Author's summary: Bucky’s back. He’s leaving me messages through IKEA plushies, Steve texts Sam. jesus christ, rogers, Sam texts back. Or, Bucky lives in an IKEA Tiny Apartment, Steve is a dancing monkey once again, and somehow they find their way back to each other.

This is an absolute DELIGHT of a fic that will have you alternately laughing out loud and crying quietly into your SVARTFIBBLA blanket (super-soft, recycled polyester, 47x63"). It's ‘crack treated seriously’ at its very best and a clear homage to the fandom classic Infinite Coffee… (that’s not a dig or a spoiler, the author says so in the author’s note).

Now if you know me, you’ll know that angst o’clock is my happy hour and I’m usually not very into these heavy-on the-humor quasi-absurdist fics (because I’m super special and not like all the other girls, obviously). But. I LOVED this story so, so much. It’s such a fun read—even when it makes you cry—and it really became one of those ‘huh, I guess I’m into this after all’ moments of joyful (self)discovery via fanfic for me. I never thought a pair of oven mitts could move me like that, and I'll never be able to walk into an IKEA again without muttering "F******!" under my breath (iykyk). Absolutely fantastic.

a handful of dust by RecoveringTheSatellites | 20K, M

Author's summary: Steve looks for Bucky for a long time. But the thing is that Bucky doesn't get found, Bucky finds. Bucky always finds Steve. This takes a hard left after the Potomac and stumbles through the dark a lot after. Take a bit of running, the occasional synaptic misfire, the resurfacing of old memories, a dash or two of PTSD, and (eventually) a nice dose of action, stir, and serve over some unresolved issues.

Honestly, the second paragraph up there perfectly sums up the story. It's a good ol' fashioned Bucky recovery fic with some angst, some action, and a whole lot of healing and devotion. Steve and Bucky get to be very sappy about each other, but also extremely Badass Battle Boyfriends™ when somebody threatens their hard-won happiness. Both are allowed to be messy, unstable, and very co-dependent.

This was the first time this author played in the Stucky sandbox and I mean it 100% as a compliment when I say that you can tell. This is someone with "fresh legs" diving headfirst and very deep into the Stucky trope pool and they're doing it with great relish and enthusiam. The result is a story that rejects some of the tried and true conventions of the post-TWS fanfic canon and lovingly embraces others, but that is definitely aware of and in dialogue with the body of work that came before it. Also, it's just a really fun read that gives these two the very soft ending they deserve.

Everybody is Supposed to be Dead by pollutedstar | 22K, M

Author's summary: In 1944, Bucky Barnes falls off a train into the Alps, missing and presumed dead. Months later, Steve Rogers nosedives a plane into the arctic. In 2010, the Winter Soldier project is uncovered by S.H.I.E.L.D., and Bucky Barnes is found alive. Three years later, Steve Rogers’ frozen body is found in the ocean.

A really interesting AU and a fascinating exploration of what could’ve been; the impact it would’ve had on the events and characters if Bucky had been the one to be “found” first. How would it affect Steve to come back into a world where he isn’t quite so lonely and adrift, and where he does have the relief and reassurance of having Bucky by his side and at his back? How would that have changed the way he acted and reacted to this strange new world and the people and organizations trying to recruit him to their cause even though the ice hasn't even completely melted off his body yet?

There are a lot of astute and precise observations about characters like Tony, Natasha, and Clint in this story, and on top of that, it offers up some very compelling insights into Steve's conflicted and difficult relationship with his role as Captain America.

it's never over (hey orpheus) by romcommie | 12K WIP, 2/?, M

Author's summary: He remembers a song first and then everything else follows, burying him below. Or, Bucky Barnes pieces a life back together with a few choice verses, some duct tape and seventy years worth of spite. Steve Rogers tries very hard to relearn there's a life to be lived in the first place.

Ok, listen up, people! This is a WIP and there are only 2 chapters posted so far, but I haven't felt this absolutely bonkers excited about a post-CA:TWS fic in a long while. We're talking frothing at the mouth here. I have such a massive crush on this fic, it's a bit embarrassing, really. It's one of those fics where you know after just a few paragraphs that you're in very good, very competent hands. The wealth of historical and cultural detail; the way the story shifts/flips/flickers back and forth between time, perspective and narrative levels; the Bucky voice—it's all so well done! I'm so insanely excited to see where the author takes this!

ENJOY!

[stuckyrogersbarnes]

'Fuck me then.' (Pietro smut)

Warnings - Creampie, oral, praise kink. 

Word count - 1.3K

Female reader

You and Wanda had been bestfriends since your traumatic days trapped at HYDRA. And even though it was long gone, you still met eachother at least every 2 weeks. She was quite busy after joining the Avengers, you couldn't be prouder. And although she tried to convince you to join, you didn't want to get back into that. So, you got a normal job as a barista at a local coffee shop. It wasn't the best, but it was fine for the moment. 

However, Wanda's brother, Pietro Maximoff, never failed to get on your nerves (and vice versa). Sure, he was attractive, but he was a huge asshole, unlike his sweet sister. You, unfortunately, had been blessed with x-ray vision so you got to see Pietro's "progress," all throughout his teenage years, without being able to do anything about it. Meh, he was average. But, luckily, now you know how to control it. 

"Hi, what can I get-" you gasp as you look up. Pietro, the man you hadn't seen in years, was standing right in front of you. "Good to see you too, kochanie. Long time." The word 'kochanie,' never failed to piss me off. It meant 'darling,' or something in Polish, around where he was from. "Pietro, never thought I would see you again." "Life's full of surprises, Kochanie. I'll have a regular cold coffee." You put on a sarcastic smile. "Coming right up." He walks off. You hand the drink to a waiter to give to him so that you won't have to see his insufferable face ever again. And although you hated him, you couldn't help but think that he had become super-duper good-looking, atleast compared to what he used to look like. 

Tony and you were quite close too, so of course, you were invited to his huge New Year's Eve party. You put on your slutty red dress with a pair of golden earrings. After seeing Pietro today, your ovaries had kind of been in a twist, if you know what I mean. You walk your way down the large stairway and feel the stares of hungry men on you. You look around, only to find a certain someone looking directly at you. The same man who you saw today in the coffee shop, he looked taller, more defined, and with a beard than when you knew him. You had a thing for beards, you loved the sting. Your breath hitches. Pietro. "Kochanie, how pleasant to see you here." He greets you. "Mhmm, good to see you too." You try to sound confident but little does he know, you're dying to use those powers of yours right now. You shake it off and begin to walk away.

 Instead of walking away and never seeing him again, you trip and he instantly grabs you by the stomach. "Fuck." you whisper. You can feel his warm breath on the back of your neck as he leans closer, "Meet me in the bathroom in five minutes." he whispers in your ear. He then leaves you, alone, with goosebumps surrounded on your skin. What just happened?

Even though you tried your best not to let your curiosity take over you, you find yourself outside the fancy bathroom. Should I go in? "Ugh." you groan. "Ah. I see you came." "What do you want Pietro?" You didn't turn back to see him, but you could hear his steps as he walked closer to you. "I'll get straight to the point, kochanie. After seeing you today, I needed to see you again. Now that I see you in that dress, looking so goddamn beautiful Y/n, I need to fuck you. Hard." You gasp and your pussy clenches. You slowly turn back, the background music slowly fading out. You thought for a second before saying, "fuck me then." He instantly grabs your neck and connects his soft lips to yours. He pushes you into the bathroom and locks the door. "You sure about this, darling?" "Yes." "good girl," he smirks and hitches you up onto the counter. He immediately bends down to his knees, spreads your legs wide open, and moans at the sight of your bare, wet pussy. No panties, no nothing. "Oh, I have been waiting for this for so fucking long." Before you get to even process what he says his tongue enters your wet hole, you moan and he begins to thrust. He then adds one finger to your pussy and latches his lips to your clit and sucks on it, hard. You grind on his face. Your eyes roll to the back of your head. You never thought Pietro would be so good at eating you out. You pull on his hair and grind on his face as he inhales your juices. "Fuck, you smell amazing." That statement alone was enough to send you on edge. But as soon as he says it, he adds two more fingers, completely stretching you out. "PIETRO!" you scream, unable to hold it back. Your pussy pulsates and you squirt, all over his face, leaving his hair and face wet. "You taste amazing, kachanie." Your blush in embarrassment. Did I just do that?  "I-i'm sorry that never happened before-" Before you finish he cuts off with a kiss, making your pussy even wetter. You can taste your sweet juices in his mouth and lips. "Don't be embarrassed, Kochanie. That was so fucking hot." he then takes two of his fingers and enters your pussy abruptly. He kisses down your neck, immediately finding your soft spot. You moan.

 "Fuck me Pietro." as soon as you say that he unlatches his belt with one hand and takes his jeans off. You can see his hard-on through his boxers. You moan at the nibling sensation on your neck. The surprise and shock of this happening sent you more on edge as your pussy clenches on his fingers and he pulled out, panting, making all your juices spill on his boxers, leaving them see-through. You could see his pink tip and his veins pulsating. He slowly takes off his boxers, his dick jumps out, almost reaching his belly button. You gasp. You do not remember it being so long. And you certainly don't remember it having a slight curve, which it does now. Wow, he has become a man. He takes off the straps of your dress, only to see your tiny, hard nipples. Your breath hitches as he latches his lips onto one of them and plays with the other one with his fingers. You moan, "Pietro. Inside. please," unable to form proper sentences. "Tsk. No patience. Though, I'm complaining." He unlatches his lips from your throbbing nipple. He lifts you up, you yelp. He bends you over on the cold marble counter, making you shiver from the cold sensation. His cock enters you, reaching a spot that had never been reached by anyone, including you, ever before. Before he even started thrusting, your vision blurs and you come. Wow. He groans and begins to thrust. "Fuck y/n, you're so tight." You moan. He bangs into you, again and again and again. You scream. He keeps hitting your G-spot over and over again. "I need you, Pietro." "Need me to do what, my darling?" "I need you to go faster, harder." He speeds up, banging harder. "Fuuuckkkkk." you moan. "Ugh," he moans, "I'm going to come Y/n." "Me too." You clench on his dick, seeing stars for the fourth time in the last half an hour. You can feel his come ooze out of him in your pussy as he pulls out. You squirt all over his still-hard cock. 

"One more round?" He asks. "Yes please." 

[mischiefmaker615]

Go Away

Summary: Enemies to Lovers 

Rating: R 

Requested By: Daddy_Dracos_Slut (wattpad)

Note: Sorry for the long wait, real life stuff can be a pain sometimes but i hope the length of this one makes up for it *sweats*

i curse under my breath as the elevator seems extra rough going up the floors today. my hand clutches the rail while i keep my eyes closed, focusing my energy on my breathing rather than my stab wound that left a pretty nasty gash on my side. What happened?

SHIELD loves to throw me into fights they know they don’t have enough man power for. Why? “Your training should be enough to help you handle it just fine” okay dip shit- not against HYDRA! The mission was successful but of course they had to throw in a rookie for me to bring along as well. Result? Saving their ass cost me the next couple of days to heal.

“you should go to the medical bay-‘’

‘’it’s fine, I’ll just have Loki heal it.’’ the biggest lie I’ve ever told.

There was no way in hell i wanted to get near the psycho that attacked New York, but i hid my resentment well for SHIELD to buy my answer and not force me into a pointlessly long medical appointment.

Ironically as soon as i arrived back at the tower, the ‘not so bad’ wound in my side decided to give me a lot more pain than what i was originally feeling earlier. i probably just needed to clean it and it would be good as new.

Finally the elevator granted me the mercy of reaching my floor and i got out, my body crouched and hunched as i took a deep breath and looked around. No one around.. good. i didn’t like to show weakness, even though in this business you all get hurt, its nothing new, but my stubborn ass still tried to tough it out. Which is why as soon as i heard someone coming, i sucked in a breath and straightened up to my height, making sure my jacket was hiding my blood-stained shirt while Loki turned the corner, and we both shared the same expression. Of course, he probably didn’t enjoy my company just as much as i did for him, but he still took the opportunity to tease me whenever he could to get a reaction.

‘’why are you walking like that?’’ he asked, just a question, no concern in his voice.

‘’why do you look like that.’’ i say as i took a scrolling pace down the halls while he pressed the button to the elevator. i didn’t even look back at him but i felt his eyes on me.

‘’you’re hurt.’’

‘’and you care?’’

Loki’s eyes narrowed as i cast a glance over my shoulder at him in annoyance. ‘’I wish to make sure you are in proper health so you can get out of my way in a sufficient pace.’’

‘’oh, you do care.’’ i say in a sweet voice, placing a dramatic hand on my heart for effect which only revealed my bloody shirt where his eyes flicked down. i could have sworn his gaze changed to something else.. but for a split second until he looked like an asshole again.

‘’you’re bleeding.’’

Now, a sarcastic comment would have just proven he was right. Not that he would tell anyone, he probably didn’t care. this was all just probably going to be used to call me a weak mortal or whatever who doesn’t know how to properly fight. So the only unfortunate answer that spilled out of my mouth was ‘’spilled ketchup.’’ Smooth.

His eyes slowly traveled down to the ‘ketchup stain’ again before they flicked back up to mine. ‘’hmm.’’ He hummed, turning back to the open doors now for the elevator before his gaze could get a chance to make me nervous- wait what?

I make sure I walk as casually as possible, regardless of how painful it may be until I heard the elevator doors close before I hunch over again and draw in a sharp breath and resist the urge to clutch my side. Judgy bastard.. looking at me as if I’m scum in his way.. but what was that split second look? Never mind- just need to get the first aid kit and see exactly what I’m dealing with.

After it seems forever until I get into my room, I shut the door behind me and throw my jacket to the side, glad to have it off before I fold the end of my shirt up so it was over my chest, almost like a make-shift crop top. Damn.. it’s pretty deep, going to need minor stitches.. clean it up..

I slowly make my way now to the bathroom, my balance thrown off with the lack of blood and I could already tell before my eyes hit the mirror how pale I am. Nausea comes in mild waves as well but anger and frustration takes over when I open up the cabinet to find my first aid kit was missing. What the hell! I used it a couple days ago and I’m to OCD to not put things back..

I run a hand through my hair as I think about what I need to do. We have vodka at Tony’s bar downstairs, it’s the best thing we have currently to clean a wound. Another first aid kit in the kitchen, not to far from the bar cabinet. Not to bad- if people weren’t awake. I check my phone, it’s 8pm. Its usually quiet and people head to bed in 30 minutes do to the fact that we need proper rest in this field.

Grabbing a small towel, I run it over warm water and nearly cry out as I begin cleaning what I could, pain shooting through my body as I push through until I feel like I would faint. Setting the towel aside, I carefully.. carefully manage to change my shirt but put on an actual crop top so nothing had its change at touching my new body scar soon-to-be. Only 10 minutes pass.. 20 might be to long as I stay on the bed trying to control my breathing. I’m stupid, I know..

Once I check the time and hear more doors close in the hall, indicating people are hitting the hay, I go over to the door. No point in hiding the wound if everyone is in bed and the less clothes I ruin the better. However I nearly woke the whole house if I didn’t shove a hand over my mouth to find Loki waiting outside my door, leaning on the wall with a now smirk by my reaction.

‘’the hell are you doing here like a creeper?’’ I hiss at him but realize hiding the wound was to late as his eyes dropped and so did his expression as he straightened.

‘’norns Y/N- how did you manage that?’’ somehow there was no emotional indication in his voice, let alone his expression so I shrugged to see if he was actually concerned or about to laugh.

Figured there was no use hiding as I walk around him with a hand on the wall to support myself. ‘’comes with the job sometimes.’’

‘’and I’m sure they taught you how to properly take care of it- which is why it’s strange that you find yourself here’’ he says and walked along side me, making me raise a brow in wonder at why he was following.

‘’I can take care of myself, thanks.’’ Sarcasm was potent as I side eyed him, indicating I wished to be left alone before my body jolted at a wave of pain, making me practically double over with my nails digging into the wall.

‘’you need a doctor-‘’ Loki started, his hands quickly returning to their sides as I took a sharp breath and looked at him.

‘’I said I’ll be-‘’

‘’Y/N!’’ Barton greeted as he turned the corner, his smile fading as he glanced at Loki before he smiled again at me. ‘’you should have been here hours ago- I thought he would have healed you by now-‘’

‘’I don’t know what you are talking about-‘’ I panic, giving him a sharp look to shut up while Loki raised a brow.

‘’earlier when you said you’d just ask Loki to-‘’

‘’I’m handling it Clint, I’ll see you tomorrow though good as new’’ I fake smile, looking like I’m about to punch him as I feel Loki’s eyes on me in amusement.

‘’don’t you worry Agent Barton, she’s in good hands.’’ He said gently, lacing his fingers behind his back as Barton gives him a hard look.

‘’I’ll see you tomorrow then Y/N’’ he says, never really registering Loki whenever they did have to speak and brushed past him on his way to his own room. Most of the time that type of rude contact would have earned an almost-fight between Loki and Clint, but I suppose Loki found himself to busy smirking at me to really be concerned about it.

‘’so what is it exactly you wished to ask me Y/N?’’ Loki said sweetly, milking the opportunity to tease me as I roll my eyes and make my way down the halls towards the elevator before I could be any more embarrassed.

‘’go away.’’

Loki’s eyes narrowed as he watched me walk away from him but I busied myself with waiting for the damn doors to open. I heard nothing behind me, and I made the mistake to believe he had actually listened so to my annoyance, he slipped into the elevator with me before the doors could close.

‘’you were going to ask me to heal you?’’ he asked, no emotion indicated in his voice as I made myself busy by pressing the correct floor.

‘’I merely said that to have everyone off my back, apparently it seems to be doing quite the opposite.’’ I mutter and lean myself against the wall, drawing my eyes closed as I focused on my breathing.

Even with my eyes closed, I could tell Loki was staring at me. He’s annoying, but I’m sure he wouldn’t be half bad of a person if it wasn’t for the fact that he attacked new York. That’s probably where our enemy relationship stems from.. could I be nicer? Sure, he just.. draws something out of me.. he’s not a bad looking guy either, my emotions run different when I’m around him compared to the others. Tony teased me once and called it denial of something perhaps more I was feeling towards him, but there was no way I would have fallen for someone that attacked-

‘’if you would just let me heal you then perhaps your mind will stop being so loud.’’

My eyes snap open as Loki rubbed his temple as if he had a headache. If it wasn’t for the damn gash in my side, I probably would have killed him right then and there as I gawked at him.

‘’the fuck were you-‘’

‘’Y/N,’’ he starts, sincerity in his eyes and voice that somehow made me still. ‘’yes I’ve done those things in the past, I should hope that the time I have been spending here has given me a good chance to have changed and perhaps provided a door for a fresh start..’’ he starts, his eyes darting to the floor and slowly back at me as my muscles tensed by another wave and I hold my side, staying silent still. ‘’I do not blame you for your negative emotions towards me, and I am not asking for a second chance,.. all I’m asking is to just heal you.’’

My eyes slowly travel up to his after they had descended to the floor. God of lies, it was taught to tell if he was being honest or not. Though honestly, what did you have to lose? Nausea was already hitting your gut and light headedness was already reminding me how much blood I was losing. Yet the fact of the matter is,..

‘’..why do you care?’’

Loki almost genuinely smiled and I noticed his muscles were straining. Raising a brow, I noticed the elevator had not once moved since the doors had been closed. My eyes were next to narrow at him.

‘’what are you-‘’

‘’ask me Y/N.’’

I blink at him, knowing exactly what he wants me to ask but even now he’s being a stubborn ass??

He gave me a look at the name and I immediately just decided to focus on the pain instead to block him out. He was just as stubborn as I was, there was no point in asking him about the elevator, let alone avoiding the question. Taking a deep breath, I clutched my side and looked at him with all the dignity I was clinging on too.

‘’fine.. w-would you-‘’

My words cut short when my vision blacked out and all I remember is falling to the ground.

~

A cold hand pressed to my forehead, the temperature feeling cool where I practically lean into the touch before opening my eyes.

And then I want to die.

My cheeks heat up as Loki sat by my side as I lay in the bed located in our medical bay- aka Tony’s sometimes hangover room.

‘’how are you feeling?’’ he asked, looking a bit drained himself as I took in the scene.

I felt no pain.. something in my chest stirred, something that was hard to identify as I glanced down at myself. The gash in my side was completely gone- not so much as a scar behind! I look up at Loki wide eyed and he merely gave me a gentle look as I tried to speak but shut my mouth quick as redness heated in my cheeks.

How could I thank him? .. I never shared a kind word to him before, we had a sharp relationship.. and yet he still went out of his way to do this..

‘’Loki I- .. I.. I don’t know what to say..’’ I say pathetically as he chuckled.

‘’glad you are looking like your regular self again love.’’

Love.. that nickname.. why did it make me feel.. something? I glance at the clock, seeing how a couple hours have passed since I most likely had passed out. Leaving plenty of time to make sure it wasn’t a trick, a spell, or some type of cruel joke.. he really did help me..

‘’norns Y/N, I’m not that cruel to just leave you to bleed or taking your injured state into advantage for mischief’’ he sighed and leaned himself against the side rails of my bed, his body still sat close enough where I found feel him pressed against my side and I give him a tired, irritated look.

‘’before I thank you, I would request you stop reading my mind from now, call it an exchange for some future moments where I will take it easy on you.’’ I lightly joke, leaning back in the sat up bed as I hear him laugh.

‘’an exchange then? Alright, I will leave your thoughts be for some decent time from your kind heart,’’ he said with a tease. ‘’but is it hardly a fair exchange when our moments have been clearly even?’’

I sigh, knowing regardless of it all, he’ll always he so stubborn. ‘’and what is it that you want?’’

‘’a proper thank you.’’ he said calmly with a smile, it widening as I raise my brows.

I was half expecting a sarcastic, clever comment, but all he wanted was a true thank you? easy. ..or was it.. he clearly saved me from bleeding out to death, I’m pretty sure a ‘thanks’ wouldn’t be good enough as my fingers played with the fabric of my blanket mindlessly. ‘’..in what way?’’

‘’that is for you to figure out love.’’ He said gently, the mischief fading from his eyes as he seemed to stare at me like an honest man.

What? Buy him lunch as a thank you? a hug? A good word to Fury to help his probation at the tower? From his eyes, it seemed like he was just expecting words of affirmation, a from the heart type of thank you. yet why didn’t that feel like enough? My mind raced, everything seeming to be shouting things all at once as I tried to calm my emotions. What was this feeling? My mind paused as I felt him move and my eyes looked up to see him beginning to stand.

‘’it’s alright darling, you are tired and its been quite a long da-‘’

He stared at me with the same shocked expression as I had on my face as my hand grasped his before I even realized what he happening. He was still, his hand making no move to grasp back but remained still as I held on. My heart was pounding, and before I knew it, my arm was pulling him back and down.

His expression was now unreadable, as was mine I hope.. but something felt right about it- and I prayed I wasn’t reading the room wrong because despite his unreadable expression and closed off personality.. there was always something off between us, off where there was almost a secret enjoyment to our fights and banter.

So I took a gamble and pulled my hand towards me and his boots could be heard slowly moving towards me, allowing his hand to be guided before he came closer to my side on the bed. Our gazes never left each other, almost daring each other to look away but neither of us did.. not even as I pulled his hand a bit down to where he now slowly bent his height down and I lean forward. All movements were careful, my hand slowly releasing his as he moved it beside my arm and moved his other hand to do the same on the other side- caging me in.

As he leaned down, our eyes fell slightly closed, expressions relaxed as we seemed to melt in the moment. my lips slightly parted, our soft breaths could be heard as he leaned down and my hands moved to his shoulders to take over and guided him down finally so I could kiss him.

My lips brushed against his gentle, finding them soft and welcoming. He let me set the pace, my arms bringing him closer so I was able to deepen the kiss in which he eagerly returned with restrained gentleness. He gently moaned against my lips, as did I as we seemed to fit perfectly like a glove. My mind went still- relaxed, as if nothing mattered anymore, all quarrel forgotten and memories faded.

With my eyes closed, I felt his knee gently rest beside my thigh, followed by the other one as I felt his presence hover above my now. There was a strange temperature to him, not frost bite necessarily but a lack of human warmth. Well.. he’s not human anyway. His kiss became more needy as he ran his slender fingers through my hair and I couldn’t help but tangle mine in his. His locks are silky, not at all oily like one would think at the mere look of them. I hear a low growl as I tighten my grip on them, the mere vibration sending a wave of arousal through my body as I feel the need to close my legs.

‘’L-Loki.. I need.. we need..’’ I pant, staring up at him as he gazes back down at me, his pupils dilated with arousal himself as I feel his bulge just barely pressed up against me. If I were to raise my hips right now, I’m sure it would be like touching a boulder.

‘’I know darling, I know’’ he whispered, his thumb stroking my cheek as he lowered himself ever so slightly so our bodies were almost close to touching. ‘’are you sure you want this?..’’

My mind was in complete submission, my sharp tongue completely dulled to how I see him now. I wanted him.. this had all been denial.. but now I’m sure. I want him. my eyes gently looked up into his and my head nodded.

‘’use your words darling..’’ he held back a smirk but I knew it was there. Even now his personality didn’t change much, he probably enjoyed seeing me submit as my cheeks reddened as I look up at him.

‘’I want you’’ I whisper, eagerness being held back as my body began shaking in anticipation. That earned a small brush of his body lowering to feel mine, my hips rising for more of him but he raised up again.

‘’not yet darling, I don’t think you’re ready for me.’’ He sighed, almost as if saying ‘oh well’ and I look up at him in shock.

‘’no I’m ready-‘’

‘’you need a good amount of prepping first love, if you don’t want to be torn apart’’ that last part he whispered against my ear, I could feel his breath brush against my skin where it sent chills over my body.

‘’what are you-‘’

My words cut off when his hand gently began kneading my breast over my clothes, the action catching me off guard where a gasp left my lips and he took that opportunity to insert his tongue.

He was a skilled lover, one would assume so just by the mere sight of him but the thought was always shook off when I didn’t want to accept my true feelings.. any type of relationship causes me to panic, the mere doubt or thought of me messing up always just made me want to push all of it away.. but I suppose hate is what grew this connect. A sick, sad way of bonding but it got us here, it only took me getting stabbed for me to stop denying myself.

He was reading my mind again, the feeling of like a poke in my brain as he pulled up my shirt to place his mouth over my breast to ease my thoughts away. I think to much, and this was a damn good distraction as he moaned against me, my back arching as gasps left my lips. His other hand gave my other breast attention, pinching and kneading before his hand and mouth switched to give equal attention.

‘’you don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for you Y/N..’’ he murmured against me, his lips navigating up my chest to suck just above my collarbone that was a promise to leave a mark.

‘’i.. I thought you hated me..’’ I struggled out as my hands gripped his shoulders, a tingling under my fingertips as I glanced down to see the remaining shimmer before noticing his armor was off, leaving him just in his leather and cloth.

‘’I went along with your denied feelings but I sensed the truth way before I decided to enter that naughty little mind of yours’’ he smirked, his eyes flicking up to my own as his finger tips played with the button of my jeans.

My cheeks heated up as my nails practically dug into his shoulders out of shyness, almost as if I was curling up if I didn’t feel his knee between my legs to prevent them from closing. ‘’how long have you been doing that?’’ I whisper, shuddering as he began rubbing his knee gently against my sex, even with the blanket still between us.

‘’whenever I felt like it. primarily when you walk away after using your sharp tongue and yet your thoughts betrayed you, thinking the complete opposite of me. I was able to glance into your true feelings just enough before you pushed them down.. but I think we both know the truth’’ he whispered, his lips caressing my neck now while his hand gently moved my hair away to give him more access while his other unzipped my zipper.

‘’it was only a matter of time but I couldn’t wait forever.. I was going to perhaps wait longer on telling you how I truly felt about you but after you got injured..’’ his movements paused at the memory, raising his head slowly to meet my widened eyes. ‘’I thought I wouldn’t have gotten the chance to tell you if I lost you..’’

Of gods.. norns I think I love him..

A small smile spread across his lips as I look away from him. ‘’stop that..’’

‘’as you wish darling, I’m sure things are clear now nevertheless’’ he chuckled, attacking my neck again while my head was turned, earning a squeak to leave my lips when I felt him begin to nip and his fingers slowly dipped passed my panties.

My lips part as my eyes flutter close, making no moves to stop him as his finger tips ghost over my sex ever so slightly to take my breath away. I feel his tongue against my neck and his teeth now and again before his lips begin to suck and mark. Just before I could even think to rise my hips to find more friction, his finger tips begin playing with my clit, causing me to shudder and the knot of pleasure to begin forming within me.

‘’so sensitive.. so responsive.. how long has it been since one has touched you properly..’’ he whispered, not asking a question and I probably wouldn’t have been able to answer it anyway.

He began rubbing circles, a slow pace that began picking up when I began rising my hips, practically trying to shamelessly hump his hand if his other didn’t grip my hip to hold me down. a silent gasp left my mouth as I raised my head back and my back began to arch. His thumb took over on my clit so his two fingers could tease my entrance, dipping ever so slightly in and pulling out when my hips strained to rise.

‘’patience darling, be a good girl and take what I give you’’ he practically growled against my ear before he began to nibble on my lobe.

Goosebumps rose on my arms and I began to squirm until he slowly inserted his two fingers, causing me to moan his name slowly and shamelessly. I didn’t even care where we were or who could walk in but I was sure somehow Loki would have used magic to somehow provide us with a bit of privacy. I could feel his rock-hard bulge against the inside of my thigh, rubbing himself against it to match his rhythm while his fingers thrust into me In a faster pace.

‘’gods Loki…’’ I moan, feeling my orgasm get closer and closer and my eyebrows furrowed with my eyes fluttering closed. I was so close..

‘’cum for me darling.. ‘’ he whispered, his pace quickening on my clit as he pushed his fingers into me to the knuckles, causing me to tip over the edge as I reached my orgasm.

‘’LOKI!!’’ I practically scream as I moan and hold onto him, my body fluttering and clenching down on his fingers in a vise grip that has him practically moaning while he presses his lips to mine once more.

His movements slowed down ever so slightly, helping me ride it out as I was a panting mess, my body shaking and my eyes drunk like before he slowly pulls his hand out of my pants, his mouth licking my essence with no shame and a smirk where my cheeks heat up again.

‘’shy not darling, you taste absolutely wonderful.’’ He purred and adjusts himself as he backs away down my body while a hand slowly removed the blanket.

I slowly sit up as I catch my breath, just seeing the mischief in his eyes as his hands grip my pant legs and I give him a smile.

‘’in fact, I think I should help myself to a proper taste..’’

[bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky]

You Drew Stars Around My Scars | Bucky Barnes x Reader

Hi. This is some heavy shit, so please proceed with caution. Do not read this fic if you are made uncomfortable by any of the warnings.

Thanks <3

❌Warnings❌ Scars, blood, depression, anxiety, self-harm, suicidal ideation / attempt

“And what about this one?” Bucky asked, dragging his lips across one of your scars. It rested along your ribcage, drawing a sharp line into your skin. It wasn’t sensitive anymore, didn’t hurt like it used to. But Bucky’s lips assuaged any lingering discomfort.

You ran a finger over the raised tissue and let out a laugh.  “Oh, that was a huge misunderstanding, actually. Have you ever met that guy in the red suit? With the katanas?”

Bucky’s gaze left your scar and drifted up to your face. “Katanas? As in more than one katana?”

“Yeah! His name’s Wade… something,” you paused, struggling for the eccentric stranger’s name. “Wade Williams… or something like that. Anyway, yeah, he got me with one of his multiple katanas. But it was really just a communication issue- Hill sent me after him. SHIELD had basically no intel on the guy and it was assumed that he was a threat- but he’s on our side.”

Over the course of his life, Bucky had seen some strange things. Red Skull. Infinity Stones. A talking raccoon. But never a guy running around with a couple of katanas and bright red suit. “So, katana guy is a friend of ours?” 

“Yeah! And he’s actually pretty cool. A little weird. Very funny. Kind of a sarcastic asshole,” you laughed. “I think you’d like him.”

Bucky rolled his eyes and brushed his lips over your scar once more. “I don’t know about that- he stabbed my best girl-”

“He didn’t stab me, per se…”

Bucky made a mental note to look into this Wade guy, see if he could be trusted. 

“Okay," you said, "it's your turn…” Another round of the game began.

For almost an hour, the two of you had laid in bed, asking about the other’s scars. You never dared ask Bucky about his scars or how he got them; their origins were too terrible to describe. If he decided to open up about them one day, that was his business. And you were more than happy to give him all the time and space he needed.

But it was Bucky who started the game. After you both came down from your post-sex euphoria, you decided to stay in bed. Kissing. Touching. Talking. Bucky ran his hand along a scar near your shoulder, the one he always noticed but knew nothing about. And though he didn’t want to hear tales of you getting hurt, he still held a curiosity about your life before him. He wanted every detail, every story. And so, he’d asked about the scar. And to his relief, it didn’t come from a knife or a gun- just a childhood game of tag that got out of hand. 

But his question opened the door. He promised he didn’t mind speaking about his scars- not to you. He argued that it was only fair. He asked you about yours- why shouldn’t you be allowed to ask about his? He wanted to share every detail of his life with you. The details he could remember, anyway. And so, the two of you went back and forth, asking the other for the stories behind your scars. 

Bucky learned more about you, and you him. But you didn’t bring up the massive ridge of twisted tissue on Bucky’s left side- you knew that story. And hearing it again would’ve gutted you. 

“Hmm…" your eyes drifted over Bucky's body, "how about…” 

There were too many to choose from. You hated how many options lay scattered across Bucky’s skin; each reminder of his past life spelled trauma, pain, abuse. But a new light seemed to flash in Bucky’s eyes each time he told you a story. He’d never let anyone tour his body like this. Had never opened up about all the vile things Hydra did to him. Each story unburdened him a bit more, helped him release the pain he’d been holding on to for so long. And you were more than happy to help shoulder the weight.

Your fingers ghosted along a jagged scar near his hip, “Okay, how about this one?”

“That one- that one is…” Bucky thought for a long, quiet moment. The holes in his memory acted like a sieve, draining most of his past life from his mind. You watched as he struggled, fought to remember this exact wound. His brow furrowed as he searched through the catalogue of his trauma. He flipped through page after mental page, reliving every instant of pain. And then, the light returned to his eyes. 

“Oh- I remember now. I got shot- and one of my handlers cut the bullet out while I was still in the field. Sewed it up- albeit, poorly.” He ran a finger along the uneven line of scar tissue, “And then they sent me after my target again. If I remember right, which I probably don’t…” He gave a sad laugh, “I’m pretty sure the stitches ripped almost instantly. I mean, maybe sixty seconds after he finished. So I just kinda bled until I took down my mark.”

“Jesus, baby…” Every story he told pulled you closer to his side. You wanted to cover him, to protect him from things that already happened. Things you couldn’t help or prevent. Every mention of his misery, every recollection of the abuse made you wish you’d met him sooner. Maybe you could’ve helped. Maybe you could’ve saved him.

You rested your head against his chest, willing the thoughts of Bucky’s pain to dissipate. But they refused to comply. And Bucky, always more concerned about your pain than his, took notice.

“Hey, I’m okay now,” Bucky curled a finger under your chin and tilted your face up toward his. “Don’t get sad on me, alright?” He shot you his biggest smile, ‘I’m just fine. And I’m here- with you.”

You gave him a solemn nod. “No, I know. I’m just… you didn’t deserve it, Buck. You didn’t deserve any of it.”

He took your face in his hands and gazed into your big, sad eyes. He never thought he’d find someone like you- never thought he’d find someone, period. But you had a big heart, and you loved him with everything you had. You showed him how much you cared. Made him feel like he mattered. 

“I know that now. You helped me with that.”

A small smile pricked at the corners of your lips. You wanted to fix everything for him. Take away his pain, remedy his problems, shoulder the weight of his nightmarish past. But you couldn’t. And the helplessness it planted in you made your chest ache. But knowing you’d at least helped Bucky see himself differently eased a fraction of the pain.

“Alright, my turn!” Before you had a chance to think, Bucky was on top of you. He tickled and poked at your sides, shunning the sadness from your eyes. And when he was satisfied with your improved mood, he rested a hand on your thigh. The scar he selected rested above your knee, its border faded. “This one?”

“That’s from a burn,” you told him. “Explosion at a Hydra base- I got a lot of burns that day, actually.” As the memory of that day resurfaced, you ran a hand over where the searing pain used smolder under your skin, “All the others healed, this is the only one that scarred.”

Bucky swept his thumb over it a few times, as though trying to ease your past pain. 

You sat up, coming face to face with Bucky. The scar you had your eye on was something you wondered about often. And now that you had permission to ask, you ran you lips over the mark. “What about this one?” The long scar ran along the side of his neck, beginning a few inches above his clavicle. It traveled horizontally, nearly reaching the back of his neck. “And this one?” And identical scar rested just on the other side, the two marks mirror images of one another.

After so many rounds of this game, Bucky didn’t seem to mind telling these stories. But when your attention landed on these particular scars, he didn’t want to play anymore. He wanted you to know everything about him- just not this. But what choice did he have? He could lie to you. He could make up a story. He could refuse to tell you the truth. But whatever he decided, he knew he’d regret it. 

It wasn’t fair to keep things from you. Bucky swore from day one to always be honest with you- and you did the same. But this truth only served to hurt you. The pain in your eyes when he told you about his gunshot wound and the resulting torn stitches cut him deep. But that story was nothing compared to the source of the scars on his neck. He knew how crushed you’d be when he gave you the real story. And though he never wanted to lie to you, he found himself pulling an explanation out of thin air.

“They’re from, um…” he cleared his throat, already regretting his lie. “They’re from restraints. They put me in this, I don’t know what you’d call it- I guess a… collar-type thing. Made of metal. Really tight. It dug into my skin. They used it to, uh, to chain me to a wall.” Part of Bucky believed his own lie. He thought for a silent moment- did this really happen? Was his attempt at a fabricated story actually a buried memory? For Hydra, such a punishment sounded plausible. But after several seconds, he determined it false.

Your mind went blank, only to suddenly overflow with images of Bucky in chains. Sharp metal cutting into his skin. His blood pouring down his body and pooling on the floor. The sound of rattling chains mixed with his screams and echoed inside your skull. 

“I don’t wanna play this game anymore…” was all you could manage to say through the sudden tears and tightness in your chest. You hid your face in the crook of Bucky’s neck, your breath fanning the very scar about which you regretted inquiring. 

Bucky’s arms wrapped around you in an instant, pulling you as close as he could. Your shallow, shaky breaths rattled against his hand as he smoothed it along the length of your back. He saw the effect his lie had on you, the way it ripped chunks out of your heart. But the real story was worse- far worse- and as he held your shaking form against his chest, he swore to never tell you the truth.

“Just breathe for me, doll. Big deep breaths, okay?” He soothed you, helped free you from the crushing sadness. But when it cleared, a wave of guilt took you out at the knees. This wasn’t right. 

“Wait, no-” you pulled your face from his neck. “This is so fucked up, oh my god. I’m so sorry, Buck. You shouldn’t be comforting me- it should be the other way around. I didn’t mean to-”

How did Bucky ever find someone like you? Someone who cared for him so deeply, loved him more than he ever thought possible? He hated that he’d upset you, that he’d started this stupid game. But part of him liked knowing how much you cared. 

“Sweetheart, please don’t apologize. You’re just... you're reacting to new information. That memory is something I’ve gotten used to, it’s part of my past, so… it doesn’t bother me anymore.” Bucky knew damn well it didn’t bother him because it simply wasn’t true. The real source of his scar bit at him every day. But you didn’t have to know that. “Hey, you love me- which is unbelievable, by the way- and so hearing stories like that upsets you. Being sad about it is totally normal.”

You wiped at your eyes with the backs of your hands, “feels selfish.”

“It’s not.” A sudden laugh rumbled out of his chest, “if you weren’t upset, I think we’d have more to worry about.”

His joke was met with an eye roll and a small laugh. He wasn’t wrong. You cared so deeply for him that even imagining his past pain brought you to tears. Never had you loved someone the way you loved him. And though you dealt with your own pain and traumatic memories, you wanted more than anything to take all of Bucky’s. You wanted to steal any ounce of residual pain and every nightmare inducing memory, leaving him only with peace.

“I love you a lot,” you said. “And I’m so- I’m so sorry for everything you went through. You never should’ve suffered like that.”

Bucky’s forehead met yours in a moment of quiet. No one ever acknowledged his pain, his trauma. They talked about his kills, the blood on his hands. They talked about his pardon- the pardon that, according to you, he “never should’ve needed”. Because nothing he did as the Winter Soldier was by choice. He was a victim, a prisoner of war. But everyone conveniently left that part out. They regarded him as either “the winter soldier” or the “pardoned war criminal”, never the hero, the abused, the broken.

“Thank you,” he whispered. And he meant it.

The two of you sat there for a few long moments, reveling in the other’s presence. But Bucky’s growling stomach broke the silence. He locked eyes with you in an apologetic glance that quickly devolved into a storm of laughter.

“I’m guessing you want dinner?”

“You could say that…” Bucky shrugged. “But I made you cry, so I want you to pick.”

“Buuuuck-”

He crossed his arms over his chest and refused to listen to your protests. “From this moment on, the rule in this house is: whoever who caused the other to cry must let the crier choose dinner, and must deal with the cuisine consequences.”

“Cuisine consequences? Did you just make that up?”

Bucky gave a proud nod, “yup”. He pressed a kiss to your forehead and grabbed your laptop from the nightstand, offering it to you. “Pick a place, doll. Whatever you want.”

Nearly an hour later, the two of you sat camped out on the couch. A spread of take-out lay strewn across the coffee table, half demolished. And while it was Bucky whose hunger signaled dinner, he didn’t eat much. You’d decided on take out from your favorite barbecue place, knowing Bucky loved their brisket almost as much as he loved you. But his mood seemed to deflate as he pushed his food around his plate.

He wasn’t devouring his brisket like usual. And his side dishes went almost untouched. 

“Hey, is something wrong?” You paused the tv and turned to Bucky, “You’ve been quiet- you barely touched your food. Is everything alright?”

Bucky gave a small nod.

Guilt grabbed you by the throat. He wasn’t okay- and you knew it stemmed from the memory he recalled for you. The restraints, the collar. The thought of it made you shudder. 

“Buck, if this is about earlier- about the story you told me- I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, babe. I didn’t know where the scars came from, I never would’ve asked if I…” you took a deep breath, easing the shaky quality in your voice. “I’m sorry.”

“No, no, no-” he set his plate on the table and turned to you, “it’s not like that. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

It was just like Bucky to swear you were perfect, that you never did anything wrong. But you knew better. You knew he’d been forced to dig up some deep, soul-crushing trauma when you asked about the scars on his neck. You knew he was hurting- and it was your fault.

“Buck, if I upset you, you can tell me-”

“You didn’t. I swear.” He took your hands in his and dropped his gaze. “But I lied to you. About the scars on my neck. And I feel really bad about it.”

It certainly wasn’t what you expected. “Oh… okay.”

In a panic, Bucky dragged his eyes back to yours, “I know that we always tell each other everything, but I just didn’t-”

“Buck, that’s not a rule. You aren’t required to tell me every single thing that’s ever happened to you or every thought you’ve ever had. You’re entitled to your privacy." You gave his hand a squeeze, "I just want you to know that you can tell me everything- nothing’s off limits- but you don’t have to. I know you’ve been through a lot of really dark shit. And if you wanna tell me every detail, I’m all ears. But if you’re not ready, that’s more than okay. It’s okay if you’re never ready- you don't ever have to tell me if you don't want to. I just want you to be comfortable.”

“Oh…” Bucky took a moment to think about what you said. He liked the way you phrased it, the way you were open to everything he had to say without demanding he say anything at all. If he wanted to talk, you’d listen. And if he didn’t, you’d be there, regardless.

“Whatever happened- however you got those scars- you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. It’s all your choice.”

He considered skipping out on the entire venture. He could tell you the collar was a lie without giving you the real story, and everything would be fine. You’d respect his boundaries- he knew that. But the source of those scars was such a turning point in his life, such a defining moment. And to skip out on sharing it with you felt wrong. It was a pivotal time in his life that changed his path- and inadvertently led him to you. 

“I want to tell you…” he said after a long, quiet moment. “It’s a pretty significant part of my story, and I want you to know everything about me, you know? I just- I don’t want to upset you again.”

“Buck, it’s okay-”

Bucky gave a sad shake of his head. “I made you cry earlier, doll. And that story wasn’t that bad, it wasn't even true-”

You took his face in your hands, silencing him. “If you wanna tell me, I wanna listen. I mean, I obviously hate that these things happened to you- that you suffered so much. But if it’s part of your story, I wanna know.”

Bucky let his eyes fall shut as he thought it over. Memories of the darkest time in his life rushed forward, nearly drowning him. But your touch kept him afloat. It kept him safe, warm. With you by his side, he found the strength to wade back into the depths of his memory.

“It was after I escaped…” he finally said. He took your hands from his face and held them tight, anchoring himself to the present. “I didn’t know what to do, you know? I didn’t know who or where I was. I was lost.” A faraway look left his eyes hollow, lifeless. “I had to figure out how to reclaim my mind and my body. I spent days holed up, hiding, reading about the things I’d done. And it made me sick.” He shifted in his seat. A familiar sense of dread and nausea sat like a rock in his stomach. 

“I was disgusted. I hated the serum. I hated the Winter Soldier- I hated myself. I didn’t wanna be this anymore, you know? I was given the same serum as Steve, but I wasn’t good Like Steve. I turned into a monster.” He paused. It took far too much effort to pull air into his lungs. He knew the suffocating sensation well, the feeling of choking on his own agony. 

“And for a while I thought it corrupted me, that it changed who I was. I blamed the serum. But then I had this epiphany one day…” He cleared his throat and dropped his gaze to the ground. He couldn’t look at you. “The serum just amplifies who and what you are, you know? They gave it to Steve because he was a good person, because he had a good heart. And he became a hero. But I…” 

The shame threatened to eat him alive. He’d worked so hard to change the way he viewed himself. And with your help, he no longer saw a monster in the mirror. But taking a trip down memory lane reminded him of his capacity for evil. “I became a killer. And it made me think- maybe I always had that darkness in me. Maybe my soul wasn’t pure enough.”

You curled a finger under his chin and lifted his head, bringing his eyes to yours. “Baby, you were brainwashed. Tortured. They wiped your mind- all your memories. They took away your sense of self and rebuilt you in their image. The things you did weren’t because of an impure soul or deep-seeded evil. And they had nothing to do with the the serum. If the roles were reversed, Steve just as easily could’ve become the Winter Soldier.”

That sounded almost blasphemous to Bucky.

“You’re a product of circumstance, Buck.”

He wasn’t sure he could digest your words. Only a few hours ago, he would’ve known without a doubt that you were right. He would’ve agreed and easily shrugged himself out of the darkness. But sinking back into the headspace from the days after his escape left him shaken.

He pulled his eyes down to the floor once again, unblinking. Unfocused. And though he felt lost in a different time, he refused to submit to the pain. He traced the same pattern on the back of your hand over and over, searched for peace in the sound of your breathing. Anything to keep him anchored in the present.

A deep need to diffuse the situation rattled inside you. You wanted to tell him that he could stop, that the two of you could return to this conversation after he ate. Or after a good night’s sleep. Or that he could abandon the story all together and never speak about it again. But just as you decided to speak up, words tumbled out of his mouth.

“I wanted the serum out of my body.” He finally met your gaze. Something in his eyes semmed frantic, helpless. “I thought that getting rid of it would turn me back to my old self- I know that’s stupid. But I was desperate. So, I started, um…” 

He couldn’t believe he was telling you this story. It was dark, shameful. Revealing his lowest moment to the person he cared about most- the person whose opinion mattered more than anyone else’s- suddenly seemed like terrible idea. It felt like a surefire way to scare you away, to convince you that he was far more damaged than you could ever repair.

But didn’t you deserve the truth? Didn’t you deserve to know who you slept next to at night, who you committed your life to? Bucky respected you more than anyone. And keeping secrets didn’t feel right. He needed to give you his authentic self, offer himself to you without hiding his darkness. Only then could he know that you loved all of him.

He screwed his eyes shut and yanked his shoulders up to his ears as though bracing for impact. And then, he set the truth free. “I started making myself bleed- I thought I could bleed the serum out of my body.” The admission lifted a weight from his chest he didn’t know he was carrying. Air rushed into his lungs and granted him his first deep breath of the evening.

He opened his eyes slowly, fearing your reaction. But you simply nodded and allowed him to continue. You provided him with a safe place to land as he jumped off the proverbial cliff. “I started making cuts into my skin every day, but the serum was…” he sighed, “the serum healed them too quickly- they’d always vanish.”

He eyed you again, waiting for a look of disgust or disapproval. But no such look came. You just stroked your fingers over his knuckles. Gave his hand a squeeze. You gave him the time and the space he needed to breathe. To think.

“And one day- I don’t know, I got fed up. The desperation and the anxiety and the fear- it was too much. It all got to me at once. And I wanted the serum out.” His grip on your hand tightened as the flashbacks pulled him under. “I dug my knife into my neck. I ripped the skin open on both sides- I wanted to sever every blood vessel I could. I figured that the more blood I lost, the faster the serum would leave my body. The sooner I'd return to who I was before.”

You nodded. An almost violent sadness vibrated in your chest, but you wouldn’t dare set it free. Not yet anyway. You kept it caged, allowing it to tear and thrash and bite at your insides. Bucky was sure to clam up if he saw just how gutted you were. How heartbroken. And so, you kept your composure. You remained calm. This was his time. 

And when he'd said everything he needed to say and purged every dark memory of those scars, you’d let yourself fall apart. But only then.

“And then things got all fuzzy. Hazy. From the blood loss. And I collapsed. I laid on the floor, watching the red pool around me. And I realized…” He took a deep breath. Why was this so hard to admit? Why did he hesitate? He knew you wouldn’t perceive him as weak or cowardly. Would never see him as pathetic. He knew he could trust you with his heart. But showing just how much he’d struggled ripped off yet another layer of protection. It left him raw. Open. His breathing hitched.

“Realized what, baby?” you spoke as softly as you could manage, easing his words out of hiding.

“I um, I realized it was never about the serum.” He stared at you expectantly, like he wanted you to connect the dots. Wanted you to save him from saying the words. But after a long moment, he forced them out.

“I wanted to die- I just didn’t want to admit it to myself.”

You knew he survived. You knew that he was okay. Still, his words gutted you. A burning sensation tingled inside your nose- but you refused to allow the tears to form. You swallowed every ounce of emotion. Forbade your heartbreak from making an appearance. But Bucky clocked your shaking hand. The slight tremors and twitches vibrated against his vibranium palm.

Sure, you could fight the tears and keep yourself composed- but you couldn’t force your hands to steady. 

He let a sad smile pull his lips upward, “Did you know that everyone who’s attempted suicide off the Golden Gate Bridge and survived immediately regretted jumping? The instant they began falling, they realized they didn’t actually want to die…” A deep breath filled his chest, “And that’s exactly what happened to me.”

A strange relief eased through your body, coating your rigid muscles. Somehow, knowing he instantly regretted his attempt made you feel better- made you feel as though the urge didn’t still lurk in the back of his mind.

“I knew my life was fucked. I was lost, alone, confused. I was homeless. Scared.” A particular darkness overshadowed him as he reflected. He remembered the fear. The isolation. The constant, overwhelming sense of impending doom. He lived in a never-ending state of fight or flight back then, his body always prepared for death. 

But a sudden light banished the sadness, “And then I realized that I had a second chance at life, you know? I was free- from the military, from Hydra. And I told myself that if I survived, I’d figure my shit out. That I’d try to make something of my life- that I owed it to myself to make this work.”

You nodded. It didn't feel like enough of a response. You wanted to tell him you were proud of him, that you loved him. But your mind was blank, save for the image of Bucky bleeding out by his own hand.

“And I’m so glad I made it through, cause- I never imagined I’d find happiness like this. I look back on that time every now and then, and it’s… I mean, it’s horrible. It’s scary. And it’s sad. And I wish I’d never experienced any of it.” A warm, genuine smile broke out across his face. It lifted his features and cleared the storm clouds from his eyes. He stared at you like you were his salvation, “But then I wish I could go back in time. I wish I could tell myself that it gets better. That I won’t be alone forever. That one day, someone will actually care about me.”

The two of you sat in silence, staring at each other. Bucky couldn’t get the look of adoration off his face. When you entered his life, it was like he swallowed the sun. You warmed him from the inside out, filled his life with light. He looked at you, convinced you were heaven-sent.

The dam holding your tears wouldn’t last much longer- you knew it would collapse any second. But you fought to reinforce it. What if Bucky had more to say? What if he needed more time to purge the details of his darkest days? You weren’t going to let your emotions rob him of that- you couldn’t. So, you remained quiet, waiting.

“Anyway…” Bucky said when he finally spoke again. “That’s um, that's where the scars came from. Thank you for listening- I know that was probably hard to hear. And that it wasn’t what you were expecting. But I appreciate it more than you’ll ever know. Do you-”

With a guttural sob, you scrambled into his lap. You flung your arms around his neck and secured your body to his- desperate to hold him. To assure yourself that he was real. That he was there. Everything you felt over course of his story came flooding forward, destroying your hard-built dam. The heartbreak and the pain and the utter despair drained from your body in streams of tears. 

But Bucky expected this. He knew how much you loved him, how deeply you cared- not that he ever expected anyone to feel such things for him. He knew his story ripped your heart out. Hearing something so soul crushing about the love of your life- something so dark and painful and scary- broke you. It cut you open and left you bleeding. He knew he’d react the same way if the situation were reversed. 

And so, he simply held you tight and let you cry. He smoothed a hand up and down your back. Left kisses against your cheek. Whispered assurances and soothing words. He whispered your name over and over again to convince you he was alive. He was patient and sweet, giving you the time you needed to process what he’d said. He knew exactly what you needed.

“I love you…” you finally whispered against his neck. 

A quiet, contented hum left Bucky’s chest. “And I love you. I just thought you should know… But now that I’m thinking about it, maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe it was too much." The longer you cried, the more regret pooled in Bucky’s chest. It solidified and turned to concrete, sitting heavy on his heart. “I’m sorry for upsetting you-"

You pulled your tear-stained face from the crook of his neck and stared at him with a nearly frightening intensity. “No, don’t apologize. This is your life we’re talking about…” You paused for a moment, only to wipe the tears from your cheeks. 

“Everything that’s happened to you- all the good and all the bad- made you who you are. That moment-” Flashes of Bucky, bleeding and alone, swarmed your brain. The images robbed you of air and sent fresh tears trailing down your face. Bucky gave you as much time as you needed to compose yourself, to remember how to breathe.

“That moment is important. It’s part of your story. A big part. And it’s awful- it's really fucking sad. And it wasn’t easy to hear…” You forced a deep inhale and steadied your voice, “but it’s important. You chose to live. To stay. You made yourself a promise, and you’ve kept it. And I’m really- I'm so proud of you.”

Bucky pulled you back into his body. He basked in your love, in your support and your understanding. And he silently thanked the version of himself who fought to survive. He didn’t choose life all those years ago because he hoped one day he’d find love- but it certainly made his decision far more worth while.

Muffled words vibrated against Bucky’s neck, and he let out a soft laugh. “Can you say that again doll?”

With a dramatic groan, you once again pulled your head from Bucky’s neck. “I’m said… I’m glad- for a lot of reasons- that you took advantage of your second chance. The world would be a much shittier place without you in it.” You untangled your arms from around his neck and rested your palms against his stubbled cheeks. “And if I’m being selfish, I’m glad that you stuck around… cause I can’t imagine my life without you. That whole thing- all that dark shit- it brought you to me.”

Bucky’s lips met yours in an instant. He poured every ounce of his love for you into the kiss. All his devotion. He couldn’t find the words to describe how much you meant to him. How special you were. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to express feelings that strong.

The two of you laid on the couch, enveloped in one another. You held Bucky tight enough to ensure he wouldn’t spontaneously disappear. His head rested on your sternum; your hands tangled in his hair. You breathed together like one being, no seams or sutures to be found.

“I’m glad I finally told you,” he said after a while. “I wanted to get it off my chest, but I just didn’t know how. And the longer I waited, the guiltier I felt for keeping it from you.”

“You don’t have to feel guilty, baby. Not with me.” 

Things quieted again. It was so peaceful and calm that you thought Bucky might’ve fallen asleep. You couldn’t imagine the emotional toll it took to recount his darkest days- hell, you were exhausted from just listening to his story. If he needed to sleep off the turmoil, then so be it.

But a familiar sound broke the silence. Bucky’s stomach rumbled, once again disrupting a peaceful moment.

“Hungry?” you asked with a laugh.

Bucky nodded emphatically against your chest.

“I bet. You barely touched your food.” You removed your hands from his hair, freeing him, “Go heat up some leftovers, Babe.”

He hesitated. His eyes drifted from the containers of brisket, macaroni and cheese, and cornbread before returning to your face. He feared leaving your side, like he thought maybe you’d fall apart if he left you alone. You had to be fragile, still reeling from the awful things he’d said. And he needed to be there for you- his hunger could wait.

But you read his mind. “Buck, I’m okay,” you laughed, “I swear. You can make a trip to the microwave- I’ll be alright.”

With a deep kiss, Bucky leapt into action he snagged his plate off the table and piled it high with everything in sight. It was such a sharp contrast to the old days, the time he spent lost and alone without even a sliver of hope. Some days, he felt like he still sat in square one. Like he hadn’t made much progress or done enough work on himself. But it was moments like these that proved to him- and to you- just how far he’d come. Never again would he wish for death or seek to end his pain forever. He had to live- he wanted to live. For himself. For you.

---------------------------

Tag list: @beefybuckrrito @shadytalementality  @everything-burns-down @rainbow-unicorn-pony @mandersshow @breakablebarnes @psychoticmason @glxwingrxse @lonewolf471 @dreamerglassesgirl  @the-gods-gloted-but-they-burned @purpleshallot  @seitmai @itvy5601 @dailyreverie  @navs-bhat @eviesaurusrex @themorningsunshine  @evangeliamerryll l @buckys-metal-arm @broadwaybabe18 @the-kestrels-feather @avocadotoastwithegg @goldylions @lokisasgardianvampirequeen @vrittivsanghavi @idkitsem @avengetheunnatural @rassvetsky @hereforbuckyandsteve @barnesselo

[kandisheek]

FIC REC WEEK 25 - KIDFIC

Play Date by Akira_of_the_Twilight

Pairing: Bucky/Tony Rating: T Words: 27,186 Tags: De-Aged Tony, Domestic Avengers, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting

Summary: “Forgive me, Captain," FRIDAY said. "I needed a moment to be certain I hadn’t erred, but based on my facial recognition systems, I can safely say that Mr. Barnes and Mr. Wilson have located Tony.” “What the fuck?” Bucky rose to his feet. The kid tried to run, but Sam caught the rugrat and restrained him. “Let me go!” The kid struggled. “My dad isn’t going to pay any ransom. You’re just wasting your time.” Ransom? Facial recognition? Bucky stared at the kid—really looked at his face. Amber eyes, oval face, olive skin, strong but narrow chin, a slightly larger than normal forehead, and a nose somewhere between small and medium in size. “Oh, fuck. Tony?” The tears were back in Tony’s eyes. “Fuck you, you assholes!” He wiggled one arm free and punched Sam in the kneecap.

Reasons why I love it: It's a Winteriron weddiiiiing! I love the team feels in this fic, and kid Tony's hero worship for Steve is so fucking cute. The way he reacts to Bucky at first but slowly comes to trust him is so satisfying to read because it feels completely organic. And Tony's whole backstory with Howard just tears at my heartstrings. Generally, this fic is super well-written, especially the dialogue. I love it so much, and I bet you will too, so go ahead and read it!

Childhood is the Kingdom Where Nobody Dies by MemoryDragon

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: M Words: 31,765 Tags: De-Aged Tony, Missions, Avengers Family

Summary: Seven-year-old Tony Stark wakes up on a Hydra base, lost, afraid, and alone. He has to overcome his fears before it's too late for the Avengers and Captain America.

Reasons why I love it: The team is so fucking adorable in how they handle Tony. And of course, even when he's de-aged, Tony is a BAMF genius. I especially loved the scene with Coulson and the suits, it's so subtle and yet so impactful. And the aftermath of the mission is so charged with emotion that it stuck with me for a while after I finished the fic. It's incredible, and I hope you give it a shot, if you haven't read it already!

Treading Desire Lines by fohatic

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: T Words: 43,749 Tags: Selectively Mute Morgan, Post-Canon Fix-It, Babysitter Steve

Summary: Tony knows that his daughter can be difficult, but he really needs someone to do him a solid when an important opportunity arises. Unfortunately, word is already out: Morgan Stark is a real handful. Never one to shrink from a challenge, Steve steps in, hoping to shift the strained dynamic between him and Tony and having no idea how the course of his life is about to change.

Reasons why I love it: Oh my god, Steve is such husband material in this one. I love the whole set-up with Morgan, and the way Steve handles her is just fantastic. The trust that grows between them is nothing short of beautiful. And how it all leads into Steve and Tony mending their bridges is so sweet. I love this fic so much, and I bet you will too!

[error-intheraine]

My proposal for the next iron man movie

Iron Man 4: A New Dawn

Slanted = voiceover, Bold = descriptions of what’s on screen, strikthrough = in movie but not trailer, no extra = talking and can see the people having convo

Clips of Hydra taking over things, people kidnapped, things burning, avengers are not available (as said above)

Fury: The world needs help, Hydra is rising and nobody else is around, we need Iron Man, and the only Stark Heirs are here.

Clip to Pepper and Morgan sitting next to eachother and Peter across the table in the meeting room, Maria hill I’m at the Head and Fury in a chair facing everyone

At the same time

Pep: no, you are not sending my daughter into battle-

Peter: I’m Spider-Man I need to look out for the little guy! *as everyone stops talking and looking at him cause he didn’t deny* I’m also not a Stark so like, *so so gesture w/ hands*

Fury: Ms Potts, Mr Parker, I am not suggesting to send someone who is not yet a teenager into battle, and I am not saying I believe Spider man should retire, I have someone else in mind, ever heard the name Harley Keener?

Flashes to Harley getting off a bus, greeting someone, getting coffee drink from a vending machine and walking towards his garage

Pepper: I’ve heard the name, all I remember is that Tony broke into his garage and then he fixed the iron man suit

Peter, turning his head w/ this crazed out looking his face: He did what?

Harley opens the garage door, sees Hill, Fury & Pepper there, sips his drink, closes the door, opens it again,

Harley: What the fu- (in full movie, he will get cut off by Abbie) (Hey Harley, these assholes sort of just barged in here earlier, sorry, Harley: why aren’t you at school? Abbie: I dunno, my parents are dead, ever thought of that. Harley: *blinks* wow, you’re so unique)

Hill, feet on meeting table, notepad or phone in her hands, looking up from whatever she’s doing

Hill: Well, he’s definitely got the attitude

Clips of Harley using the holograms to design a new suit, less chunky than the OG suit, more like peters, but still w/ all the stuff that Tony had. And then clips of him building it, and tinkering around,

Harley: So you want me to be iron man?

Fury: No, we need you to be iron man

and then there’s a clip of him asking Abby for a screwdriver and from the couch she flips him off

Harley: Can you pass the screwdriver

Abby: *flips him off from the couch*

Clips of world being taken over, Harley completing the new suit,

Fury: Hydra is coming back, right under our noses, they took Morgan, and we’re going to stop them and get her back, more specifically, you two are gonna stop them and get them back

Harley and Fury walking out the elevator and Harley sips on his coffee

Harley: me and who?

Peter: I think he’s talking about me,

Harley spits out his drink as he sees this teenager hanging upside down from the ceiling, Peter gets down and hold out his hand for a handshake

Peter: Oh I’m so sorry, are you ok? hi! I, I uh, I’m Peter Parker, Spider-Man, nice to meet you!

Harley: Harley Keener

Peter: Yeah I know!

Fury: great you met, now let’s get onto defeating Hydra

Big meeting room, where there are plans on how Peter and Harley are going to infiltrate Hydra, Fury explains a bit on how they’re gonna get the kidnapped people out.

Harley: So the fate of the world rest on two teenagers

Peter: Not your brightest idea Fury

Fury: *sighs*

Later, alone. Fury: Not my brightest idea, well you try to deal with a severe lack of Tony Stark!

In a dif meeting, finalising plans, Harley looks kind of bored

Friday alerts them,

Friday: Mr Keener, the security cameras outside of Abigail Keeners school show here getting taken by a black van which appears to have the Hydra symbol on it

A clip do Abigail getting kidnapped into the car and Harley looking pissed, Peter looking sad and pissed, Pepper is horrified, Fury and Hill look kinda annoyed but not really

Harley: This just got personal

And then shows the release dates and where and stuff

[daddyy333]

“I’m scared” | Steve Rogers x y/n

if you’d like you can reblog my original work, but please don’t post it without credit. if you take inspiration from my ideas please tag me, I’d like to see how someone else would write it

word count: 3.6k

warnings: reader is kidnapped, reader is tortured, ready is severely injured, hospitals, blood, bruising, panic attack

summary: Even the strongest people, including Avengers, feel human emotions and y/n still hasn’t gotten used to that

Steve paced the room, clutching your dog tags in one hand whilst he rested his hands on his hips. 6 days. 6 goddamn days they’d had you. They sent your dog tags back to them on day 2, and had been sending untraceable videos every 12 hours.

He should’ve stopped you. He got trapped under some debris and instead of getting out of there you focused on getting him out. When you finally did, more Hydra agents came running towards you and you shoved Steve out of the building and ran to fight them off.

That was the last time he saw you. No “goodbye”, no “I love you”, no hug, just pure fear and adrenaline running through each other's veins. You were in awful shape from what he’d seen in the videos, beaten nearly to death.

You were barely conscious now, your head throbbing and your vision blurred and slightly darkened in your left eye. You couldn’t hear normally and your entire body hurt like hell. You think you were stabbed in your thigh, or at least cut because it hurt so much and there was a puddle of blood underneath you.

“Steve…” you whimpered softly, shaking as you laid on the floor in the fetal position. Your hands and legs were tied, leaving with no way to move or even think about getting out between the restraints and the pain.

“P-Please…Steve,” you cried, begging for him to save you. You were so scared and in so much pain, you just wanted to hear his voice or feel his touch again. You wanted to be with him again, to be safe.

Another shock to your back, the police taser they must’ve stolen or bought illegally leaving you unconscious. At least you wouldn’t feel the pain for a while.

Steve sighed, running his hand through his messy hair. Bucky suddenly opened the door noisily, panting harshly. “Steve! Steve, come on let’s go” he said and Steve shook his head, brows furrowed but before he could ask Bucky was already gone.

He scoffed and ran after him, being led to the quinjet. “What’s going on?” He asked, his heart pounding. Tony flew in after him and said “we’ve got a location, suit up”

12 minutes later they were landing in front of what looked to be an abandoned building, but there was a small hydra symbol scratched into the door. Steve didn’t even bother to listen to the plan, he sprinted as fast as he could and kicking the door in.

He searched every room, fighting off whoever he had to. The team followed, their only focus to find you and bring you home. Bucky was the one that found you, and his heart broke. You’d become like a little sister to him, and he didn’t want to see you like this.

“Nat! Come here!” He said, panicking because he couldn’t tell if you were breathing. He let out a shaky breath and said “whatever you do, do not let Steve in here” “oh god,” she said, catching a glimpse of you. He snapped and said “hey! I’m serious”

Natasha nodded and Bucky closed the door, running to you. He gently moved you onto your back, feeling for a pulse. It was weak, but you were still alive. He shook you lightly, trying to wake you up, your skin ice cold.

“Y/n! Come on, come on, wake up!” He said and sighed. Tony came in and shook his head, using the suit to get your basic vitals like your heartbeat and stuff. “We need to get her to a hospital. She’ll be- god, she’ll be fine as long as she gets to a hospital” Tony said and picked you up bridal style.

You groaned weakly, a tear falling down your face. “Hey, hey it’s just me. It’s Tony. The big asshole you hate more than anyone in the world, remember?” He said and more tears slipped down your face. You moved your jaw just slightly, a weak attempt at a whisper as you basically mouthed “Tony?”

“Yea, yea I’m here. Don’t panic, alright? We’ve got you now, you’re safe. We’re gonna take you to the hospital” he said and you moved your head into his chest, a small and pained sob leaving your mouth.

Tony bit his lip, shaking his head. He sighed and said “Natasha! Open the door!” As he moved out of what felt like a jail cell. She gasped as she saw you, tears filling her eyes.

“Y/n?” Steve said, his voice shaky and his breathing harsh and unsteady. Tony cursed and you groaned. “Steve” you whispered hoarsely. You could barely hear well enough, but it was so quiet you hoped whoever was calling your name was Steve.

“Hey, hey it’s me. I’m right here, y/n, it’s me. It’s Steve” he said and you forced your eyes open as much as you could. You whimpered, squirming and whining as you whispered Steve’s name over and over.

Tony gently placed you in his arms and you settled after a few moments, his warm hands cradling your body and his voice settling your anxiety in ways you didn’t think were possible. “Don’t go…please…stay wi-…with me” you struggled to say and he shushed you, assuring you that he was with you.

He tried to put you down so that the nurses in the quinjet could do whatever they could to help you but you whined, your cries getting stronger and your fear and discomfort obvious. He sat on the stretcher and said “okay, okay I’m here. I won’t let you go, I’ll hold on to you as long as I can, alright?”

You whimpered in response and the nurses started wiping away the dirt and blood off of your body. You whined and groaned, crying out when they brushed over bruises and cuts. “I’m so sorry…I’m so goddamn sorry” Steve said, caressing your hand.

You winced, a pained sound leaving your mouth as they tried to move your ankle. Yea, you thought something happened to it but now you were sure it was sprained or something.

Steve almost felt nauseous watching this happen, tears stinging in his eyes. He just wanted to close his eyes and then wake up next to you and be told he was having a nightmare and you’re completely fine. But of course that wasn’t going to happen.

As soon as they got to the hospital Steve ran into the building, begging for help. The doctors brought over a stretcher and he ran after them as the moved you to a trauma room. “Sir you can’t be in here, you need to wait in the waiting room” one of the nurses said and he sighed.

“Steve” you said weakly, sniffling. The doctor was trying to calm you done but the heart monitor was proving that you were only panicking without him. “Okay, okay damn it, get him in here” the doctor said and Steve was at your side in the blink of an eye, holding your hand and making sure you could hear his voice and know that he was there.

You cried and cried through the pain, and even passed out twice which was scaring the shit out of Steve. “Okay, we don’t think you’ll need surgery but we are going to give you a sedative so you can calm down and won’t exactly feel everything while we work on you” the doctor said and you groaned weakly.

Steve worried when your eyes fluttered close yet again, and his heart dropped when they said you were completely fine but the mild sedative made you sleep because of how exhausted your body was. He still stayed with you, refusing to leave, even when the doctors told him he needed to be checked as well, as he did get a few minor injuries while fighting off hydra agents.

Eventually he dozed off at your bedside, exhausted from days staying up late worrying about you. They had to find their strongest doctors to lift the dead weight that was Steve Rogers onto a stretcher which is when he finally decided to wake up.

“Hey, hey! Where’s y/n!” He said, panicking. They moved so he could see you right next to him. “She’s alright, she’s all taken care of now, we need to have a look at you please” one of the nurses said and he sighed. He laid back down, letting them wheel him to the next room and changing into a hospital gown so they could access different parts of his body better.

He sighed, hands and feet shaky as he waited impatiently for them to finish. He knew he was fine, this was so unnecessary when what he needed right now was to be by your side.

As soon as they said he was fine he put his suit back on and ran to your room. You were still asleep, your lips in an adorable pout as your long lashes kissed your cheeks. You look so much better, of course you had some bruises and a few cuts here and there but it was nothing compared to how bad he thought it was.

He gently grabbed your hand, kissing it softly as a tear fell down his face. He just wanted you to wake up, he wanted to hear your voice and look into your eyes and know that you were okay and you were with him.

His gaze trailed to the heart monitor, watching it beep steadily. 83 beats per minute. His was 105 right before they let him go and it probably still was. He was really really anxious.

A few minutes later the team came in and all collectively sighed with relief, which almost made Steve chuckle. Wanda came in and said “I-I’m so sorry, I did not know what was happening until I saw it on the news. Why wasn’t I informed?”

She looked towards the team but was shocked to hear Steve speak. “Didn’t want to bother,” he said softly. She sighed and said “bother? Ugh, you upset me sometimes” He chuckled and she brushed your hair out of your face.

“What happened?” She asked and Steve sighed. He bit his lip and said “I uh…got trapped under some debris and couldn’t get out and she came back to help me and we were trying to get out of there and she got me out and basically offered herself to them to keep the rest of us safe. It’s my fault”

“Steve, it's not your fault. It’s no one’s fault. She did what had to be done. She knew the consequences and she’d probably do it again just for you, punk.” Bucky said and sighed. Steve looked away, a sad smile on his face. He didn’t deserve you.

The team brought him some clean clothes and he changed and finally ate something. He was so glad you were okay, he had to keep himself from giggling like a little kid.

He let you sleep for hours, and even dozed off himself until finally you woke up. It was night time now, and when your eyes focused you could see it was 8:28pm on the clock on the opposite wall to the one your bed was against.

You nearly panicked, your heart rate spiking for a moment before you looked around and realized you were in a hospital. You tried to lift your hand but there was some kind of weight holding it down.

You looked over and saw Steve sleeping, his head partially on your hand whilst he held it in his sleep. “Steve,” you said, relieved. Your voice was a bit more clear and louder than before and it woke him up out of his light sleep.

His head shot up frantically and you gasped, not expecting that. He groaned and rubbed his eyes, looking up at you. He gasped, a smile instantly forming on his cute face. You slowly placed your other hand on his cheek, caressing it softly.

“You found me,” you said, tears forming in your eyes. He nodded, cupping your hand with his free hand, kissing it softly. “Can I hold you? Please?” He said, his baby blues forming into adorable little puppy eyes.

You felt safe. Every feeling of fear and pain was gone. You trusted him more than anything. “Please?” You said quietly and he felt his heart flutter. He stood up and sat next to you, wrapping his arm around you and letting you lean into his warm chest.

“I’m so glad you’re okay. You have no idea how scared I was, y/n, I was worried sick. I couldn’t eat, I could barely sleep, all I wanted was to be in this moment right here” he said and you sighed shakily, tears forming in your eyes.

“I was so scared, Steve” you said, his heart breaking at the cracks in your shaky voice. He held you tight, but gently as you cried softly, trying to hold it back. “I know, babe. I can’t imagine the kind of things you experienced and I hope every one of those heartless assholes rots in hell. You’re safe now, my beautiful doll. I won’t let anything happen to you” he said and you sniffled.

“I love you” you cried into his chest, over and over again. You worried you’d never see him again, never hear his voice again or feel his strong arms around you. “I love you more,” he said, kissing your head.

He spent every moment you were awake holding you and reassuring you and making sure you were okay. He fed you and helped you shower, and spent ten minutes before the shower reassuring you that he wouldn’t judge you for your new scars and bruises, that he loved every part of you and those scars proved just how strong you are.

He talked to all the doctors for you and communicated everything to you so it wouldn’t overwhelm you, and you were out the next night. Steve drove you home, one hand holding yours and the other steering. He caressed your hand the entire time, sometimes tapping his thumb to the best of the low music or tracing shapes.

Once you parked you didn’t even have time to blink and he was at your side, helping you out of the car. You could walk okay now, your ankle was a little swollen but there was nothing wrong internally so it must’ve just gotten hit pretty bad at some point.

With the I.Vs they’d given you and the food Steve had shoved down your throat you actually felt pretty energized already, greeting the team with a shy smile. Everyone looked so relieved to see you alive and well, especially Nat and Bucky.

“Scared the hell out of me, kid. Quit being the hero, damn it” Nat said, sighing. Steve kissed your head and said “she’s right, babe” “yea, yea, yea” you said and chuckled.

“You alright?” He asked and you nodded. You held onto his arm as you said “I’m fine, Steve. Whatever happened, happened. It’s over now I’m fine” “are you sure?” He asked and you rolled your eyes. “I’m gonna hit you” you said and he chuckled, kissing your cheek.

Eventually you got back to your bedroom, throwing your hair up in a messy bun and changing into your comfiest clothes. “Steve?” You asked as you came out, noticing he wasn’t in the room anymore. You cleared your throat and sat on the bed, sighing.

You opened your phone and checked whatever notifications you had, scrolling for a bit. Something shiny on your desk caught your attention and you stood up, slowly making your way over. You picked up your dog tags, a shiver running down your body.

Tears filled your eyes and you felt shaky, your heartbeat thumping in your chest. Your hand began to shake and you blinked a few times, shaking your head. You whimpered slightly, trying to sit on the bed but you missed and fell right on your ass.

It brought right back to that stupid cell, being thrown down on the floor and kicked against the wall. You can still feel that pain in your body and combined with the pain you were experiencing from falling made it hard to even think about calming down.

“Steve” you called weakly, you were trying to be loud but you couldn’t breathe and your throat felt so tight. Tears rolled down your face as you frantically tried to catch your breath but no matter how hard you tried you couldn’t do it and it was scaring you more.

You tried to call for Steve again but you couldn’t even speak, and your vision was blurry and started to blacken. You whimpered and sobbed weakly, worried that somehow you were going to die and put Steve through the trauma of finding you.

“Here, I made you a grilled cheese- woah, woah woah woah babe…” he said and set the plate down on the nightstand, trying to get your attention without touching you. You continued to cry, squeezing your eyes shut as you tried to focus on breathing.

“Y/n! Y/n, come on look at me please sweetheart. I’m right here,” he said and gently placed a hand on your back. You jumped, trying to focus on whoever was touching you. You blinked rapidly, realizing it was Steve.

He pulled his hand off and you whined, grabbing onto his shirt and trying to hide yourself in his chest. “Steve, Steve! Steve!” You cried weakly, just barely whispering as loud as you could. He carefully wrapped his arms around you, kissing your head.

“I’m here, I’m here y/n. It’s me, Steve. Tell me what’s wrong. Are you in pain?” He asked and moved your head to his heartbeat, the sound you’d fall asleep to every chance you had. Your body was shaking so hard, you squeezed his shirt tight out of pure fear.

“You have to breathe, doll. Try to catch your breath, I’ll do it with you come on” he said and you groaned. You whimpered weakly, whispering something that Steve barely managed to understand.

“Please don’t h-hurt me, don’t hurt m-me, don’t- don’t hurt m-m- me,” you repeated over and over again. He closed his eyes for a moment, his heart clenching at how scared and frantic you seemed to be.

He held you tight, speaking softly and trying to encourage you to focus and calm down. It took so long, your food got cold, but eventually you were taking deep breaths all on your own, tears dried on your face. You were still shaking, hands still holding tight onto Steve.

You feel a lot better, but you know you’re not okay and you know it’s bad because you're admitting it. “I’m scared, Steve” you said quietly, he almost didn’t hear you. This was the first thing you’d said in at least 15 minutes.

“I-I know, I know you’re scared but that’s okay. No one can hurt you though, you’re safe here, in my arms. I’m not going to let anything happen to you. But it’s completely normal for you to feel scared. I’m gonna be right here to remind you that your safe everyday until you’re not scared anymore” he said and you took a deep, shaky breathing, moving so your forehead rested right against his chest.

“It feels…so stupid of me” you said, voice shaky, almost like you were gonna cry again. His heart broke and he said “don’t cry, precious. It’s not stupid. Anyone would feel this way, it’s not weird or wrong” “I’ve been through enough, this shouldn’t be such a big deal!” You said, fists clenching tighter.

He grabbed your hands, caressing your fingers. “You just escaped a very, very dangerous and harmful situation less than 48 hours ago. Don’t be upset at yourself for feeling, babe. It’s the most human experience that there is” he said and you sighed.

You looked up at him and said “it’s never been like this before” “because you’ve never let yourself be vulnerable. I told you I’d make you the happiest girl ever. Part of that means feeling all the bad stuff too, so you can be even happier” he said and you smiled sadly.

He pressed a kiss to your forehead, wiping your tears away. You looked down at his shirt, wrinkles left where your hands were. He cupped your face in his warm hands and he saw the tension leave your body, muscles relaxing and unclenching from all the stress you’ve experienced.

“I hope you get used to this, cause you’re gonna go through a lot of bad feelings for a while. I’m not letting you run away from it anymore, especially not now” he said and you rolled your eyes. He smiled and said “now, eat your cold grilled cheese,”

You giggled and took a bite, playing with the sleeves of his shirt as he stared at you lovingly. You leaned your back against the bed, taking a deep breath. “Do you feel better?” He asked and you nodded.

He smiled even more, if that was possible, and it made you chuckle. He caressed your calf softly, taking a bite out of the sandwich he made you and then handing it over to you again.

“Love you, pretty girl” he said, his mouth still full. You smiled and said “I love you too” You were quiet, almost as if you wanted to make sure only he would be able to hear it. He kissed your knee, smiling up at you with those beautiful baby blue eyes.

Taglist: @kandis-mom @mrsevans90

As of now l'm writing for

Eddie Munson

Lo’ak

Neteyam

Sebastian Stan

Bucky Barnes

CW!Bucky Barnes

Chris Evans

Steve Rogers

Ari Levinson

Geralt of Rivia

Henry Cavill

So just comment the taglist you want to be added to and l'll add you :)

[littleseasiren]

Fight for me - Part 3

Summary: After years in an abusive relationship, you finally get out. When the Avengers decide to raise awareness for your Battered Women's Home, you bump into Bucky Barnes, the hottest, most complicated man you've ever met. He thinks you're too good for him, but when your abusive ex reappears, Bucky knows he has to keep you safe - by any means necessary.

Pairing: Beefy!Bucky x reader

Warnings: Language, kissing, drinking

Words: ~ 3400

A/N: Grammarly is my beta reader, so any mistakes are my own. If you want to be added to my tag list, please comment or send me a message. Thanks for reading!

Series Masterlist

The next evening you find yourself in a similar situation at the gym. Bucky and Natasha wave at you before they continue with their conversation, Natasha seeming to softly practice her moves on Bucky.

They both greet you in unison when you get closer.

"Hey," you give Natasha's hand a short squeeze before giving her a large container. "I made some peanut butter clusters. That's for the team," you gesture to the big container before taking the two smaller containers out of your bag and handing them to Bucky. "I made you and Steve a couple different clusters, just in case. It has extra protein powder for a boost."

"You're too good for us, doll. You don't need to keep feeding us, although it is highly appreciated."

"Yeah, I'm going to have to start working on my discipline when it comes to your sweets. Soon, I'm not going to be able to fit into my suit. But everything you make is just so delicious," Natasha says winking at you. "Oh, I'll be right back, just need to check on the tools for the class."

"Sure," you say as you turn to face Bucky. You notice he's wearing a long-sleeved shirt and gloves again. 

"So, are you learning a few things from the class?" Bucky inquires, his eyes focused on you.

"Yeah, definitely, Natasha is a great teacher! So, is Natasha practising the moves on you first?" 

"Yeah, kind of," Bucky smiles shyly. "Um, before someone kicks me out, I have something for you... I was hoping you'd stop by early again." He reaches into his gym bag and pulls out a silver cell phone before handing it to you.

You look at the phone and back at him. "I'm not following. You want me to hold it for you?" You take the phone from him, your face full of confusion.

"It's yours. I know I shouldn't, but I heard what you said about not having a phone. This phone is registered on my Stark account - that way the asshole won't be able to trace it to you."

"You... you got me a phone?"

"Of course. You are making us sweets and cookies, and in return, we keep you safe, right? Having a cell phone for emergencies is part of keeping you safe. Everyone's numbers are already programmed in it. Steve's number is on the speed dial. All you have to do is long press the number 1."

"Bucky, I don't bring baked goods to the Tower so you would all keep me safe. I do it because I want to - it's a gift." 

"Yeah, because you want something, right? Our protection?"

"You're breaking my heart, Bucky." You run your hand through your hair, trying to think about how to explain it to him best. "That's not what this is..."

"Sorry," Bucky stares down at his feet, shifting his weight from one side to the other. 

"Ok, think about it this way... Were you ever happy about something someone did for you? And you wanted to repay that kindness?"

Bucky bites on his lower lip as he thinks back. "I was happy when Steve found me after Hydra captured me, both times. He saved me so I could help him fight." 

"The fighting was a coincidence, Bucky. He found you because he cares about you. You're his best friend."

"He found me because I'm useful, even more so after everything with Hydra. I killed people - I can kill monsters too. That's the only reason the others accept me. I'm one of the only two super soldiers in history. Like I say, I'm useful." 

He says it so matter-of-factly, that you know he honestly believes Steve saved him just so he could use him. "What about you, Bucky? Why do you keep fighting? If you really think that, why not leave? Why not stop fighting?"

"I don't have a choice, doll. It's a condition of my pardon. I have to keep fighting, or they lock me up forever. And for someone like me, forever is a really long time..."

"What!" You shriek, your heart pounding as your anger rises. "That's complete bullshit! What happened to you wasn't your fault! I don't know your complete story, but I know they forced you to do what they wanted. That wasn't you!" 

Bucky shoves his gloved hands into his pant pockets. "Yeah, but I still did them Y/N. If I have to fight to condone my sins, then that's what I have to do. I'm sorry for making you angry - I'll leave you alone." He starts to reach for his gym bag, but you tug his shirt on instinct, pulling him back. When he straightens, he's closer to you than he's ever been before. 

"Bucky, I'm not angry with you. I'm angry for you." So close to each other, you look up at him and you both get lost in each other's eyes.

"Um, is everything ok here?" Natasha whispers next to you, making both you and Bucky startle. You weren't surprised that you didn't notice her, but it seemed Bucky was so focused on you that she managed to sneak up on him, as well.

"Yeah, everything is fine, thanks." You blush, tucking the loose strands of hair behind your ear.

"Um, I should go before the rest of the ladies get here. You two have fun," Bucky gives you a half smile as he slings his gym bag over one shoulder and grabs the two containers. "Thanks again for the clusters." He points at the phone in your other hand. "Keep that on you, ok?"

You nod in earnest as he walks out of the gym, staring at his retreating form.

You and Natasha watch him walk off. "So... anything you want to tell me?" Natasha walks you to the centre of the gym.

"Oh, me? Um, no..." You pray that she won't pry into the situation too much, not even you knew what had just happened.

"Huh, ok. Just remember, anytime you want to talk, I'm here. No judgments. So, are you really enjoying the class?" Natasha asks as you wait for the other ladies to get comfortable.

"Yeah, I do. I talked to a few of the ladies last night and they are also loving it. You're so full of knowledge. Thanks for teaching us." You gently hold Natasha's arm, "I've been meaning to ask you, why did you start giving the class? Was it because we had the conference in the tower?"

Natasha stares at you, seemingly hesitant. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. You don't have to answer if you don't want to," you add quickly.

"No, it's not that... Can you keep a secret, Y/N?" she asks softly.

"Um, sure I can. I'm not very close to anyone at the shelter, so no one I can gossip to anyway. You're the closest I have to a good friend. If you want to tell me a secret, no way I'm going to spill it." You clasp your hands together nervously. 

"Ok, good," she mumbles seemingly to herself. "It's not a big deal, but he asked me not to tell anyone. The idea for the self-defence class? That was Bucky's idea. He even gave Tony the idea for the conference. And he's the one teaching me the moves so I can teach you all in class."

"What? Why would he do that? And why would he keep that a secret?" you gasp.

"He had a sister when he was younger. He told me she would always get into trouble, always pushing her luck. And, of course, Steve was a lot smaller before he had the serum. So, I guess Bucky taught them a lot about self-defence.  And he's been reading up on new moves and letting me practice on him to make sure everything is good before I teach you all. Why keep it a secret? Well, Martha still thinks he's the Winter Soldier, but even if she would allow him close to the other ladies, he's still huge. He intimidates a lot of people and he doesn't want the ladies to be uncomfortable here too."

"Yeah, the others won't be too fond of him. But surely it will be better to learn your moves from you? After all, you fight men every day..."

"You would think that, but my fighting style comes from years and years of practice. It's not something you learn in a few weeks. Remember, the more complicated a move is, the easier it will be to forget it when you're afraid. That's why, for self-defence, it is best to keep everything as simple as possible. Even though he might not have all his memories, Bucky still remembers what it's like to fight like a normal person and he knows how to fight like a super soldier. I'll deny I ever said this, but he's our best fighter, too. So you lot are learning from the best." 

She looks at her watch, "Shoot, we need to start the class. Before we go, Wanda came back from her mission this morning, so I was thinking, if you're up for it, we could have a girl’s night after class. We could even do a sleepover." Her eyes are full of excitement, "Please?"

"That sounds like a dream, Nat, thanks!" It has been so long since you've had the chance to just hang out with friends, that you couldn't wait for the rest of the evening.

"Ok, so we have the movies ready on Netflix, we have a couple of different sweets, we have popcorn, we have a pitcher of Cosmopolitans... What else do we need?" Natasha asks as she starts to get the first movie ready. 

"We need ice cream! I'll go check what flavours are available," Wanda says as she jumps up and runs to the kitchen. You two had hit it off instantly, becoming friends minutes after meeting each other.

"Uh, we have a problem. The ice cream is finished!" She shouts as she runs back to the TV room. "Oh, Steve and Bucky are still out. I'll call them and ask them to buy us some!" 

You and Natasha glance at each other before smiling in unison. Wanda had just returned from a tiring mission that morning and was already running around like a child who forgot to take their Ritalin.

Call made, all three of you get comfortable on the couches and start watching the first movie, the most delicious Cosmopolitan cocktail in hand.

"Buck, that was Wanda. They're having a girl’s night with Y/N and are out of ice cream. So we need to grab some on our way back to the tower." 

"Oh, she's at the Tower too?" Bucky mumbles, watching Steve out of the corner of his eye. "That's good, she needs some time just to be happy. Away from everything..."

"Yeah, she's a sweetheart," Steve adds in agreement.

"Uh, should we buy some flowers... to uh,  brighten up the place, or some extra sweets in case they don't have enough?" When Steve stares at him, he barks out, "What?"

"It's alright if you like her, Buck..."

"What? No, I don't..." When Steve just continues staring at him, he adds, "It's irrelevant how I feel anyways. There's no way she'd like me."

"I'm not so sure about that, Bucky. It seems like she's making an effort to get to know you."

"Yeah, she wants to be my friend. No way she would want something more with me, not after having an abusive ex. She needs someone good, someone who will take care of her, lead her into the light - away from all this darkness." He kicks a stone at his feet. "Violence is all I've known for the past 70 years. She won't want someone like me, someone violent. I'm no better than her ex."

"Bucky, look at me," Steve says sternly, making Bucky meet his eyes. "You are not violent, Buck. You've just had a fucked-up past, and now you're getting better." When Bucky starts to disagree, Steve interrupts him. "Can you honestly tell me that if Y/N was your woman, and she pissed you off, you would hit her? Make her feel small?"

Bucky flinches and pulls back in shock - the idea of hurting Y/N makes him feel sick to his core. "Of course not, there's no way I would hurt her on purpose."

"Then you are nothing like that abusive ex of hers. Don't you dare compare yourself with him, alright? Now, pull your head out of your ass, and let's go buy the women as much ice cream as they can ever eat." Steve tugs him by his shirt, pulling him in the right direction.

"Jeeze, Steve. If only the others know how much you cuss when you're angry. So much for being the Golden Boy- Captain America." Bucky teases him, knowing that Steve hates bad language but could swear like a sailor when needed to get the message across.

"Shut up, Buck. Come on, let's go."

By the time the boys arrive, the first movie has already ended. You are on your second Cosmo and an obscene amount of popcorn has been eaten between the three of you as you giggle and talk about stupid things and hot guys.

"Ok, so we all agree, Henry Cavill is a prime specimen of manhood. If he magically appears and asks us out, we drop everything and go. The world be damned if it needs us," Natasha says in her sultry voice as she winks at the two of you.

"Agreed, his ass is out of this world," Wanda shouts as she takes another drink.

"Totally. Just imagine drinking shots and licking salt off the abs of...Bucky," you gasp as Bucky enters the TV room, Henry Cavill's name being forgotten when you spot the super soldier.

"Um, uh... hey, doll," Bucky says as he drops a bag full of candies, chocolates, chips, and other delicious items on the table. "Just brought you guys some supplies. Steve's putting the ice cream in the freezer for later."

"Huh, I can't say I've ever imagined taking shots off of Bucky's abs, but come to think of it, I think I can be persuaded, right, Y/N? Right, Wanda?" Natasha smirks at Bucky.

You moan to yourself as you try to disappear on the couch, cheeks hot from embarrassment as you gasp a pillow and hide your head, lifting it once more when Wanda hoots in agreement.

"Hate to break it to you ladies, but I'm not that easy. You need to buy me a drink before you lick me all over," Bucky grins as he winks at you. "You ladies have fun tonight," he says as he leaves the room.

It’s three in the morning and you're still awake. Your mind simply won't switch off and let you rest. You, Nat, and Wanda had watched movies, shared gossip, and eaten until your stomach felt like it would explode. 

Two hours ago, the three of you had called girl's night a success and promptly went to bed. Between the two of them, they had managed to find a silk nightdress that fit you, albeit a bit short for your liking, but still decent. They had set you up in a spare room in the Tower, the sheets on the bed the softest you had ever felt. So why couldn't you sleep? You tiptoe to the kitchen, trying your best to be quiet.

As you round a corner, you notice a soft light coming from the kitchen. As you enter the kitchen, you hear a faint, "Oh shit," and find Bucky pressed into the corner of the kitchen, the left side of his body hidden from you. "Uh, hey, Y/N," he mumbles softly.

"Hi, Bucky," you move further into the kitchen, walking slowly to him. Beautiful blue eyes look you up and down, following your every move as you walk up to him. You smile to yourself, happy that you are in the silk nightdress, the heat in his eyes making it known he finds you beautiful. 

"I'm not afraid of you, Bucky. I won't run screaming if you show me," you say, pointing to his left side. 

"I-I'm... defective. I don't want you to see me that way. I just want to be a normal man with you..." His brows furrow as he gazes down at you. 

"I hate to break it to you, Sarge, but you're not a normal man. You're a beefy super soldier. You're tall and you have a hell of a lot of muscles. There's no way I could see you like a normal man. You're Bucky... and I like that." You softly touch his chest, his t-shirt blocking you from touching naked flesh.

You see the switch in his stare the moment he decides to trust you. "I lost my arm when I fell off the train. I have a bionic arm." He says softly as he takes a deep breath and shifts his stance, bringing his arm up for you to see, watching you intently.

Silver is the first thing you see, the colour seemingly vibrant against his black t-shirt. Now that you are standing so close to him, you hear a soft whirring sound when he moves the bionic arm. "It's vibranium," he mumbles. 

You softly trail your hand down his bionic arm, watching as he shivers at the touch. "You can feel that?" You whisper to him.

"Yeah, don't ask me how it works, but I feel everything with this arm. Hurts like hell when people shoot at it too..."

You take his left hand in yours, clasping it between your hands, rubbing softly. "I'm sorry, handsome. I take it this is another reason for the crappy terms of your pardon, right? Because vibranium is so expensive, if I'm not mistaken?"

"Yeah, that's one of the reasons." He watches you intently as you play with his metal arm. 

His gaze moves to your lips, then back up to your eyes. Biting his lip, he mumbles softly. "I really want to kiss you, doll."

"I want that too, Bucky." When he doesn't move, you worry that he's changed his mind. "Are you going to?"

"I don't want to scare you. I don't want to push you either. Tell me how to make you comfortable first."

You bite on your lower lip, thinking about his question. "Just don't grab me, ok?" He nods at you, putting his hands in his back pockets. 

"Better?" He asks as he slowly lowers his lips to yours.

"Yeah, handsome." 

You have had your share of kisses in your lifetime, but the moment Bucky's lips touched yours, you swear you feel fireworks in your chest. His kiss is both gentle and passionate at the same time, a dichotomy in a kiss. Your hands move up of their own accord and grasp onto his t-shirt, stepping in closer to him. His body curls around you as he leans down even more for the kiss, hands firmly rooted in his pockets. 

When oxygen becomes a necessity, you break the kiss, watching his lust-filled eyes open. You smile and lean in again, grasping his full lower lip in between yours as you suck on it softly. His groan of desire makes you weak in the knees before he captures your lips again, tongues softly meeting each other as the kiss deepens. "God, you taste good, doll," Bucky says in between kisses, his hands curling into fists in his pockets to stop him from moving them. 

Bucky slowly tapers the kiss down, leaning his forehead against yours softly before pulling back, a huge smile on both your faces. 

"Will you go out with me tomorrow night?" Bucky asks you, eyes unsure of your answer. 

"Of course, I'd love to." 

"It's a date doll." His eyes shine with anticipation as he gives you a soft kiss in farewell before walking you to the spare room you are sleeping in.

"Sweet dreams doll," he whispers as you enter the room, his bare feet not making a sound. 

"Night handsome," you whisper knowing he will hear you. You fall to the bed, unable to stop smiling before you fall into a deep sleep, full of dreams of a super soldier with a metal arm.

Tag list: 

@dottirose​ @cjand10​

[w1nters0ldier20]

I’ll give up everything just to find you.

Stucky fic🤍

A/N : this is my first fic so if its bad im srry😭

Warnings — angst, happy ending, language, a slur(I CAN SAY),

Steve was panicking, shaking and every scared action you could possibly imagine. Bucky, his bucky had just got shot and taken by HYDRA. Steve had screamed “NO!” As he was forcefully taken back to the hellhole he had just escaped. But steve didn’t give up he started to chase the car down, but it was too late and too fast. He fell to his knees and sobbed.

Natasha walked over”steve..” steve shushed her”i don’t wanna hear it” he said in choked out sobs, “we’ll find him steve, come on back to the jet and lets get you healed.” Natasha replied and steve wobbled back to the jet crying into Natasha. “it’s my fault”he says in muffled sobs. “No, no steve it isn’t, its gonna be ok we’re going to find him” she says emphasizing the word going.

—

Bucky’s POV:

He woke up in a panic, breathing heavily as he slowly came back to reality realizing where he was. His mind overwhelmed with thoughts “nonono please no” “is steve ok?” “Is everybody captured” “fuck not again please..” he cried silently as these thoughts rushed over him. “If it isn’t the winter soldier.. back to reclaim your place?” The HYDRA agent spat. “First of all, im not the winter soldier anymore. I’ve changed, moved on, and hell i even found a fucking boyfriend. Secondly you forced me to be here you asshole.” Bucky spat back as the HYDRA agent smirked

“Still feisty aren’t ya?good you need a little fire to ignite the soldier”the agent chuckled as Bucky was paralyzed in fear. “Oh steve.. please please find me”

Steves POV:

Nonstop work. “Gotta find him, gotta find my buck”his mind screamed as he tried to find every HYRDA location. 2 days, 2 fucking days since Bucky was shot and captured and it had been all his fault. He was in sobs and practically murdered with guilt. Tony walks in to see him sobbing trying to find clues to as where Bucky went. “Hey cap.. it’s 4am, get some rest i’ll continue for now until you wake up.”tony says sadly”you’ve been at this nonstop let me help.”he trys to smile. “Thanks tony, but you really dont have too, i got this.” He says, his voice husky and barely there since the screaming and crying. Even so he fakes a smile.“Fine, if you don’t want to leave me to it lemme help cap.”tony sits down and starts to help pinpoint locations”

—

Buckys POV:

“Ready to comply?” The HYDRA agent says with a clenched jaw. “Nope.” Bucky chuckles emphasizing the p. The agent punches him again, “say no again see what happens faggot.” He scoffs at Bucky as bucky spits out blood.

The agent leaves the room and Bucky’s mine rushes over thoughts of steve and their last conversation.

“Lost your game buck?” Steve laughs playfully at him.”you wish Stevie” as buck throws a snowball at steve but misses again.”oh you have.”steve throws a snowball and hits Bucky in the chest.” Oh im so getting you back for that doll”he smirks

He would do anything to go back to that right now.

—

Steves POV:

“Oh my god tony, we did it” he sobs, “thank you. Thank you so much” he cries happily”im going now, i cant wait till morning.” He sniffles as tony snaps back”woah slow your roll you need to sleep first and eat AND get ahold of yourself before you go sweetheart” he looks at steve concerned, “ill eat and drink but im not sleeping till i see my Bucky again.” So tony takes that and makes him waffles and gives him water.”here we come Bucky..” his mind races with happy thoughts of getting him back

“So when can we go?” Steve says as he finishes his meal, all the avengers awake and ready to go get Bucky away from those stupid HYDRA agents. “Now i guess, right guys?” Natasha says trying to boost the mood. “Alright lets go”clint says smiling softly

—

Buckys POV:

“Your fuckin dead, you hear me? dead.” As he slaps bucky another time. His face is full of bruces and cuts. 10 minutes ago, atleast he thought it was ten minutes ago, Bucky spit 3 times on the hydra agent and now he’s taking his anger out on him, he swears hes gonna pass out or die or anything. “Steve..” he says before passing out.

—

Steves POV:

They are trying to sneak around the agents of HYDRA, “goddamn they have this place well guarded.. gotta hand it to the bastards” tony states,”shame we have to kick they’re ass!” Steve says before running out dodging bullets left and right beating them up fiercely with his fists, feet & his sheild

“Well fuck.” Natasha curses before running out to help him, “always running on impulse” she mutters under her breath laughing. “Im going in.” Steve states on the comms

“Bucky, oh Bucky where are you..” he whispered as hydra agents bombarded him with bullets(of course his shield blocked them). Steve starts to beat them off one by one, asking “wheres bucky?” To all of them, which none answered as they just replied”hail HYDRA”as they died

He runs until he sees a cell, and he sees.. bucky. Bloody, bruised and hopefully asleep or passed out. Steve runs inside breaking down the cell, that wakes bucky up.” Please sir no more..” he wakes up realizing its steve, “oh my god doll” he says as a tears slide down his face”i got you buck im here baby, can you walk?” Steve says as he breaks the refinements off him. “I think..” bucky wobbles but eventually starts to walk with steve, “need a gun?”steve chuckles as Bucky nods. Steve hands him a gun as they start beating the shit out of agents.

“Fuckkk yea! Revenge bitches!” Bucky screams as he shoots them. “Lets get out of here buck.” As they start to run to the jet. “We’re in the jet, make your way back” steve says to the comms.

—

Bucky’s POV:

“I missed you Stevie..” he purrs in Steve’s ear and kisses him, steve kisses him back and giggles, “how did you.. prevent the winter soldier thing you know?” He asks, “oh its not in “programming” anymore i guess” Bucky replies, “no more questions though just shut up and kiss me before they get back” he smiles and kisses him and it turns into a make out session “fuck Bucky..”steve whimpers, as if the worst timing the rest of the avengers start to come into the jet. “Get a room you animals, it hasn’t even been 5 minutes and you to are getting down dirty in the jet” tony remarks scoffing, “yea whatever grandpa” bucky snorts and kisses steve one more time, “oh yea, back of the jet now we need to clean these up” as he eyes the bruises on his face.“Finee” bucky sighs and walks to the back of the jet,

Oh how happy he was to be home.

—

A/n : AHHH I FEEL LIKE THIS IS A GOOD LENGTHED FIC?? For a first timee pls lmk if you like it!! :3 the title was based off an evanescene song!! Love her songs sm❤️also pls lmk how to see a word count😭 i cannot find it

[astxrwar]

blunt force trauma [2/x]

SYNOPSIS: traumatized!Bucky x Brainwashed!supersoldier!reader.

Rating: M

Word Count: 5k

Content Warnings: Canon-typical violence. Check out the tag "fic; blunt force trauma" for Content + ao3 chapter notes for extras if you're interested. <3

Read on AO3

[1] [ 2 ] [3]

It’s the first thing he realizes when he wakes up the next morning; he’s going to have to fix that giant fuck-off hole in the wall.

Bucky only remembers after he’d gone through the convoluted and absolutely unnecessary process of the Home Depot self-checkout— gloves don’t work on the stupid fucking touchscreens they have now, and neither do half of his fingers, which is just such bullshit, god, everything was easier when you could just hand some guy actual money and be done with it— that the government tracks his purchases. The military, technically. Parole condition, again, since they’re paying his rent and also all of his bills, and because, he suspects, him having an actual job would limit the amount of time he’s available as a state-sponsored superweapon of last resort. 

“What’d you get at the hardware store?”

Doc’s tone is light, nonchalant, and painfully fucking contrived. A nail gun, he thinks about saying, and some rope, and duct tape, and, oh— a band saw. Whatever he can think of that sounds the most like he might be planning to commit murder; just to be an asshole. But she already knows exactly what he bought, courtesy of the modern-day surveillance state dystopia that already pretty much existed even with that HYDRA mission falling flat. 

What he bought was a seven-foot oak two-by-four, a C-clamp, wood glue, and twelve 3” galvanized screws.

Nothing villainous, nothing remotely illegal , or whatever the hell these people think. That support in the wall is fucked, but he’d done some amount of woodworking, just as an odd summer job way back when he was fifteen or so, and he knows enough, he thinks, to be able to fix it on his own. Even if he doesn’t, tough shit, he can figure it out— he’s not going to explain to his fucking super why there’s a massive hole in the drywall and the beam’s been split nearly in half. No bullshit excuse he could come up with for any of that even came close to sounding like it’d be believable, and, besides, he kind of likes having something to do. Progress that’s visible. A goal that’s concrete. 

“The TV stand,” he lies. “It— broke.” He’d worked out the details while he was on the subway headed here, decided on exactly when to pause and hesitate like he’s admitting to something, the points where he’d inject some moments of performative vulnerability into it, not too much, just enough, he hopes, to get everyone off his fucking back. 

Doc’s eyebrows raise briefly. She taps her pen against the pad. “Broke how, James,” she prods, on fucking cue.

He hesitates, on purpose, and looks away from her, also on purpose, and then says, pointedly monotone, “I had a nightmare.” 

She leans forwards, just a little bit— she’s probably not even aware of the fact that she had, the way most people tend to be oblivious to their tells— and he knows she’s interested. Thinks this is something. “Walk me through how those are connected.”

The implication is pretty fucking clear, because she already knows he sleeps on the floor in the living room more often than in his own bed, and she knows that he has a temper, a violent one, one that he controls with precision except in circumstances where he doesn’t have to. Like when he’s alone. But she wants to hear him say it; so many appointments end up like this, the both of them already knowing whatever unspoken thing that’s been brought up, and her just— obsessed with the actual speaking. It’s annoying, but at least it’s fucking predictable. “I had a nightmare,” he repeats, not even having to fake the irritation, “And I was in the living room, and I woke up, and I was— in a bad mood. So I broke it.”

She writes something down on the notepad and he has to restrain the urge to roll his eyes. This is not the first time he’s talked about breaking shit when he’s angry. There is fucking– nothing new here. 

“So you’re planning on fixing it, then?” She says when she’s done, studying him. 

He grits his teeth. Again with the fucking obsession with stating the obvious. “It’s new. I don’t want to just— throw it out.”

She stares at him for a moment longer, her expression too relaxed to be vetting the merit of what he’s said; more like she’s contemplating it. Eventually she blinks and shifts in her chair, crossing one leg over another and sets the pad and the pen on the edge of her desk, seemingly satisfied. “That sounds like quite the project,” she remarks, in that tone he can never quite place, whether it’s approving or patronizing or something else altogether. “I think this has the real potential to be a valuable lesson for you, James. Fixing something you've broken instead of discarding it– it can be a therapeutic experience. It might help you work through some of the guilt you’re feeling.”

He doesn’t bother to stop himself from gritting his teeth at that; it would have annoyed him even if he hadn’t been lying.

~

Bucky fixes the beam, hammers the splintered wood back into a vaguely-straight line and seals the cracks with wood glue and attaches the new two-by-four to it with the galvanized screws; it’s called sistering, what he does, and the last time he’d done this shit was something like 1934. It’s what you do when the alternative would be jacking up the wall and tearing down the entire thing, which would be a massive fucking pain and require more tools and more expertise than he has.

He doesn’t see her again between then and his next appointment.

Doc grills him about his ‘project’ the next time he sees her and he says some stupid shit like yeah, it’s going fine, I feel better, I guess, about not throwing it out. And I was thinking I kinda don’t want to break it again, ‘cause I put a lot of work into fixing it. 

Doc looks satisfied with that. It’s not entirely a lie; he knows, now, what this kid is capable of. Next time he really will be more careful.

He makes sure, when he gets around to buying the spackle and the mesh and the paint to patch the drywall, that he pays in cash.

~

The second time she’s a whole lot more sneaky about the breaking-and-entering. 

Bucky wonders, briefly, if this is how it felt for his targets to come home and see him there, straight-backed and still like a statue, just– waiting. Not blinking, hardly even breathing, motionless and so utterly detached that it was hard to tell if he’d been there for hours, or if it had only been minutes. 

This time, he knows better than to try to get close. 

He’d been at the package store, picked up a case of beer, but she’s in the kitchen again and between him and the fridge, so he decides to just set it down by the door. He makes his way into the living room empty-handed, arms raised like last time. He doesn’t go further than the single armchair about halfway, just kind of rotates it around so it’s facing the kitchen, and sits in it. Focuses real hard on looking– safe. Nonthreatening. Whatever the fuck that even means.

“Sorry,” she says, after a while, the word kind of– slurred, like her tongue isn’t moving right in her mouth, thick and clumsy and unused to the dexterity speaking requires. “About your– wall. I didn’t– I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” he says, after a while. “I fixed it.”

She stares at him, for a long time, not even blinking. He stares back, unfazed.

All of this feels like the weirdest kind of deja vu– like how sometimes in his nightmares he watches himself, in the third person, like he’s an observer in his own memories, or sometimes even from the eyes of victims or bystanders, even though that’s impossible and doesn’t really make sense. That’s what it feels like, now, kind of, except where the nightmares feel visceral and frightening and have him jolting awake drenched in sweat and violently sick, right now he’s– fine.

It’s one of those nightmares, except all of the pieces are cut up and rearranged and the details are all disorganized, like somebody’s telling a story all out of order. Like the cinema, back when he was a kid; he had had this friend before he’d dropped out of high school who worked in the back room at the theater, and he’d gotten to watch, one time, and see how the movies that look like they play out as one cohesive and unbroken event when you’re sitting in the audience are really just a whole bunch of smaller reels, switched out between two different projectors to give the illusion of continuity. Right now, if this were a movie, all of those reels would be all jumbled up, and whoever’s running the show keeps forgetting how to time the switch between the projectors right; things keep overlapping, getting lost. Remixed.

“You want to maybe tell me what’s going on?” he says eventually.

“I–” She finally blinks, then, and tears her eyes away, looks somewhere over his shoulder, glassy and sightless. “I don’t– I don’t know.”

“Okay,” Bucky shifts on the chair as he watches her, leaning back, resting his elbows on the arms, trying to appear casual, relaxed, which is– not how he feels. He’s not stressed out, really, but that same thing is going on with his awareness, like the last time; everything is sharp and bright and detailed, and he’s here, he’s present, he’s not caught up in his own thoughts or in his memories or in the past, separated from everything else in his head like he’s cordoned off from it all by this thick pane of glass. “Okay, well, what do you know?”

Here is what he knows: when he’d gone back through the memory, some of the patterns she’d used when they’d fought were HYDRA, but a lot of them weren’t. He thinks she’s probably been brainwashed, but it’s hard to tell to what extent, and even harder to tell why. She knows him, and he’d bet that’s why she keeps coming back here.

She doesn’t answer the question. She still hasn’t moved, not even to shift her weight, like she can’t feel the way her body must be getting sore from standing in the same place for a while. Normal people, they fidget a fucking lot. Bucky’s not as bad as he used to be, so he moves, now, occasionally, aware of his muscles complaining if he’s stayed still for too long, but it’s infrequent enough to make people uncomfortable. 

He figures it probably doesn’t make her uncomfortable. He figures even if it did, deep down– she probably wouldn’t even know.

“You know me,” he presses, after the silence has drawn out for a long time. “You knew my name.”

She looks back at him again. Even the way her eyes move is strange, unnatural, too sharp and too sudden and too intent. People don’t realize this, either, but when they look at stuff, they never really look at it; the eyes move, back and forth, just a little bit. Compensating for the fact that the human field of vision is actually pretty narrow, filling in the bits in the periphery. When she looks at things, there’s no movement. Just this unwavering precision. That happens to him sometimes, still. 

“Do you know your name?” he asks her, and she flinches. 

That thing that he’d seen the last time, like a spark, or a glint, or something, when she’d been about to do some serious damage to herself in order to escape and he’d let her go, when she’d recognized that– it’s back. 

Absently, Bucky thinks about Romania. This apartment is way fucking nicer than the one he’d had then; a one-bedroom, new, light fixtures that all work and really great water pressure and a kitchen that’d been remodeled just last year. In Bucharest, he’d lived in a studio, with windows that didn’t latch and leaked when it rained and hot water only sometimes. 

“How about you just tell me your name,” he says, more firmly than the first time. “You know it, it’s always the first thing to come back.”

That’s not really true. The first things are feelings, but they’re fleeting and sometimes wrong. A name is a concrete thing. It’s a fact. You can write it down and you can say it aloud and you can hold onto it.

She jerks back like he’d slapped her. “How do you know that,” she replies, still flat, but wavering a little; so little that if he didn’t know , he probably wouldn’t notice.

James Buchanan Barnes. He’d carved it with a pocket-knife into the floorboards of that studio apartment, above where he’d hidden his go-bag underneath, in the spots where water damage had rotted it, made the wood soft, like carving into skin. It was insurance. To make sure he couldn’t forget. He’d stare at it, when his nightmares would keep him awake, and the letters would float out of focus and distort and stop making sense, like when you say the same word over and over, until it means nothing.

Eventually, there were other things, too. 

Your mother’s name was Sarah. You used to wear newspapers in your shoes. 

“Don’t ask stupid questions,” Bucky says. “Tell me your name.”

That spark in her eyes is bigger, flickering, like watching a candle in a windowsill. “I– I don’t–”

“You can tell me,” he repeats, louder, “You know it. You’ve said it, haven’t you? Out loud, to yourself, and I bet you’ve written it down somewhere, you know it, I know you do–”

His voice rises in volume and lowers in pitch without him meaning for it to, and something inside of her flips like a switch, that candle stops being a candle and it flashes bright and wild like a molotov cocktail or a fucking car bomb, like flames licking up the side of a building, the veneer of neutrality cracked open and something vicious and violent and vulnerable underneath and whatever of that is still left inside of him rears up to press at the surface of his skin and he thinks yes, come on, just fucking say it–

Her eyes flash and harden and her mouth presses into this trembling line and she turns and disappears down the hallway.

“Oh– god damn it,” Bucky says, the tension he hadn’t even registered collecting in his body giving out, his back slumping into the chair cushions. 

He sits there for a long time before he finally gets up and goes down the hall to his bedroom, where he stares at the open window, and then pulls it shut.

~

Bucky sleeps in his bed, that night, and not in the living room. He doesn’t have nightmares, and he doesn’t even really wake up on the hour like he’d expected to. Instead, he dreams. In his dream, he comes home to a darkened apartment, case of beer in hand, and he walks the length of the living room and he opens the fridge and sets it inside. When he closes the door, she’s standing behind it, and dream-him jerks like he’s been startled, though he doesn’t feel any actual fear.

She has a gun to his head. She’d been in civilian clothes both times he’d seen her, but in his dream she’s wearing black. Body armor.

“Sorry,” she tells him. Like she’s talking about the hole in the wall.

Her finger tightens around the trigger.

He closes his eyes.

Bucky wakes up before it goes off. His bedroom is flooded with morning light and his heart is beating slow and steady and he feels, strangely, fine. 

~

Doc stops halfway through a back-and-forth about whether or not he’d consider actually picking up woodworking as a hobby– you need hobbies, James, it’s part of being a well-adjusted human being, to which he’d flashed a not-smile and said back, I thought the reason I come here twice a month is because I’m not one, Doc.

She’d looked at him like a parent looks at a child who’s being snarky on purpose, which– fuck that, honestly. He’d been alive probably before her parents were even born.

And then she’d just leaned towards him and tapped her pen against her notebook and stared, the way normal people stare, her eyes fidgeting back and forth, not staying anywhere for long, flicking over his expression and his posture and the way that he’s holding himself in the too-small annoyingly-uncomfortable chair–

“You’re in a good mood,” she says, and then, as an afterthought. “Relatively speaking.”

Bucky scowls at her. “I'm not in a– good mood,” he says. 

She raises an eyebrow at him like she thinks he’s full of shit. “I’d like to discuss it. Your mood. Good or otherwise.”

The scowl deepens. It’s real fucking aggravating, the way that she always prefaces shit with I’d like to and let’s try and if you would as if he has any choice in the matter. As if this isn’t a session he’s forced into attending because the alternative is– many years in prison. Many. So many.

He closes his eyes for a second. He has a headache starting; he always gets fucking headaches, here. “It’s nothing, I don’t know,” he says. She stares some more, the way she does when she’s not going to say shit, the threat of talk or I’m court-ordering you back to sessions more frequently than either of us want to be seeing each other lingering unspoken in the deeply annoying silence.

Bucky makes some vague frustrated noise and then does what he usually does when she gets like this; racks his brain and makes something up. 

“I met someone,” he says finally, which is true. “They’re a veteran,” which is also true. Kind of. “I’ve seen them a lot,” not really, three times isn’t that much, but the context kind of makes it feel like it is. “And I guess I’ve just been thinking about them. We’ve started– talking. Kind of. Not really friends, but– acquaintances. We have–” he shifts on his chair, crosses an ankle over his knee, thinks, again, about how the government could buy furniture that doesn’t suck. “We have a lot in common.”

Doc blinks at him; she’d sat forwards, the way she does when she’s pressing him, and she leans back, now, which he’s sure makes him palpably relax. “A veteran,” she repeats, pensive, “World War 2?”

He scoffs. “No.” 

“Korea?”

“No.” 

She gives him this look, which he figures is something along the lines of would it kill you to just answer the obvious question here?

Bucky sighs, long-suffering. “Recent. I don’t– it hasn’t come up, but they’re pretty young, so.”

Doc makes some approving sound and nods and writes something in her notebook. He hates that fucking notebook. Sometimes he thinks about breaking into the office and setting it on fire, but the risk-to-reward ratio, he figures, just isn’t worth it. He’d probably go to prison. Or worse, he’d be sent all the way back to visits twice a week. 

“If they’re around your age–” he opens his mouth to say something technically probably obnoxious, but she shoots him a sharp look and says, “Your physical age, James,” before he can– “--it’s likely to have been Iraq or Afghanistan.”

She glances up and to the left of him– the clock. Great; they have to be almost done. “Both of those wars were– complex. Most of my clients served in one or the other,” she says. “Quite a large number of soldiers who were simply following orders found themselves responsible for the deaths of innocents; I’m not surprised you have things in common. I think it would be beneficial for you to make friends you can relate to.”

What he thinks: 

I don’t have anything in common with people who chose to follow orders. People who chose to do-- anything.

What he says, instead; “What, you want me to make friends with them?”

She sets the pad and the pen down on the table beside her chair. “This is one of those things that’s more about what you want, James,” she says eventually.

“I don’t know what I want,” he replies.

~

It’s been a week, since he saw her; she’s not there, when Bucky steps into his apartment after taking the subway back from therapy. He wonders for a second if he’d fucked up the last time, scared her off, but he knows, objectively, it’s too early to consider the possibility. Not like he could do anything about it, anyway; he doesn’t have the connections to be able to figure out who she is without a name.

That night he has the dream again. The apartment, darkened and silent. The bright, washed-out white of the open fridge, setting the case of beer on the second shelf, the inside otherwise empty. Spotless. Like a prop. Dreams are weird.

He knows what’s going to happen when he closes the door, this time. For a second it looks like there’s something red on her arm, at the shoulder, but when he looks harder for it there’s nothing, just unbroken black.

“Sorry,” she tells him, again, only this time she keeps going. “I have to. I don’t have a choice.”

“It’s okay,” he says; this is new, too. “I know. It’s going to be okay.”

Her finger tightens around the trigger in slow-motion, and he doesn't close his eyes, this time.

Bucky still wakes up before the gun actually goes off, and he still wakes up feeling weirdly calm. He prefers this, he decides, over the dreams about killing people. Dreaming of being killed– that’s fine. Better, actually.

He sits up and he swings his legs over the side of the bed– he’d been taking advantage of the lack of nightmares and the suspicious ease with which he’s been sleeping, lately, because he’s kind of getting old and his body has started to hate him whenever he doesn’t sleep on an actual mattress– and when he stretches his back doesn’t ache or twinge or crack the way it does when he sleeps on the floor.

He yawns. He rubs at his eyes until splotches of color burst behind his eyelids, and then he opens them, and he waits for his vision to unblur, and–

He zeroes in on something moving on the windowsill with an instinctive and familiar efficiency.

It’s a slip of paper, folded up and trapped between the glass and the mesh screen, fluttering gently with the breeze. It’s from a notebook, ripped out, the kind that comes from one of those slender, flimsy little pocket-sized spiral ones you can get at the dollar store, the pages inside so thin they might as well be tissue paper.

On it, scrawled in shaky, uneven handwriting, is a name.

~

He has the dream a bunch more times after that, and it's mostly the same, and then it isn't.

Stepping through the door to his apartment, stepping into an open mouth; the lights are on, this time, but somehow the room is still dark, just these glittering shards of white on the ceiling that look like sharp, gleaming teeth. He can’t see her as he rounds the counter to the fridge, and though he tries to turn his head and look, the dream body won’t obey. Just opens the door, puts the beer inside– there’s stuff in the fridge, just splotches of color that could be anything– and then closes it again.

Gun to his head. The muzzle is touching his skin, this time, which is weird, and also stupid. You don’t touch people with the gun you’re pointing at them; that’s a really good way to get it taken from you. But it’s a dream, and even though he tries to turn and disarm her, his body stays still.

“Sorry,” she says, “I have to. I don’t have a choice.”

It’s okay. I know. It’s going to be okay. He’s had this dream a lot of times, now, and so he expects–

He says the name from the notebook paper. Her name. She’d given it to him, she’d wanted him to have it. 

Her finger tightens around the trigger all at once, and he doesn't wake up, this time, but the gun doesn’t go off, either. 

It clicks. Jammed. She opens her hand, and it drops, and then it disappears instead of hitting the floor, because– dreams.

“What do I do now,” she says. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

"It's okay,” he hears himself reply. "Just-- let me help you."

[officerfriendlysblog]

Remember me doll?

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Smut , Angst?, fluff

My Masterlist

When Bucky meets his ex-girlfriend, who was taken by the hydra, will he be able to make her remember him or will she forget and kill him?

Word count: 1643

As a Hydra member punches her and ties her up, Y/N says, "I can't fucking stand you." The Hydra guard continued, "Well, we can't stand you assholes either." Y/N tried to find a way out after the guard left, but she still has no idea how to get away. She was tortured for months by the Hydra members. She hears an opening, and it is a group of Hydra members who are preparing to take her in order to transform her into the strongest super soldier in the world.

This is because they were unable to locate her boyfriend Bucky Barnes, who was out with Steve Rogers, her best friend. They forgot to tie her up once they had applied the super soldier serum. As soon as her eyes begin to open and she awakens, she dispatches four Hydra guards, travels to the other office, and kills one guard there. They realized then that they had overpowered her. She is attacked by a group of Hydra, who try to take her down. Once they do, they pull a picture of Bucky out of the picture and ask, "Do you remember this man?"

“I-I don't know.”

Before wiping her memory, the guard tells another guard, "again and make it stronger" Screams are all you can hear from Y/N. The guard goes up to her again with the picture”Do you remember this man?”

“No.”

"No? good. we want you to kill him." Y/N does not have any words and simply nods her head.

Y/N begins to put on her costume and getting ready to kill her boyfriend, the Winter Soldier. After she finishes, she gets in the car and they try to find Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers. When Y/N gets out of the car, she grabs a gun and starts shooting toward Steve and Bucky. "I’m gonna kill both of you," Y/N told the men in front of her. "Y/N it’s me Bucky you don't have to do this," Bucky tells her as he tries to calm her down because he doesn't want to fight her.

“Who the fuck is Y/N?” Y/N says Before swinging, Steve puts Y/N in a choke hold , and both Steve and Bucky pinned her to the ground. Bucky looked at Y/N and said, "You can kill us if you want but try to remember me please it's me doll." When he said "doll," she suddenly remembered Bucky, which made her stomach flutter. Before wrapping him in her arms and giving him a big hug, Y/N exclaimed, "Oh my god Bucky." It was a nice moment before Steve ruined it by saying “Nice reunion guys but we have to leave. ” Before she kills the Hydra gaurd, Y/N decides to take the knife from the floor and run toward him. Before she kills the gaurd, she looks him in the eye and says, "I hope I make this as painful as possible," before taking the knife out of her pocket and slicing his neck.

After they killed the other guards, Steve and Bucky went to her. "Let's head to the tower guys, I'm sure Natasha would love to see you again Y/N," Steve tells Y/N as she gets into the car with them. "Tony is going to want to keep her held in a cell I don't think he's going to trust her yet," Bucky told Steve. "I'll talk to him and see what we can do," Steve tells Bucky.

Bucky approaches Y/N and says, "I missed you so much Y/N." As he tells her this, he kisses her. "I missed you to Barnes," Y/N says with a smile. “Let's head home” Bucky says as they begin their ascent toward the tower.

Once they made their way to the tower Steve says to the both of them “Let me talk to Tony super quick before he starts asking questions”

Bucky responds, "I'm sure Tony will come around for you," after he mentions that Y/N becomes nervous and in effort to make Y/N feel better, Bucky lets out a small chuckle and says "hey at least you didn’t kill his parents," Y/N responds with a little giggle by saying “don’t let tony hear you say that” before stepping out of the car and moving toward Steve, who had been standing alone.

"What was Tony saying?"

Steve responds to Y/N, "He said he’ll let you stay but tomorrow he wants to ask a few questions and get you checked up."

Y/N responds, "Okay that's fine I'll make sure to thank him," before returning to Bucky.

"He’s letting me stay but he wants to ask questions tomorrow but at least I can rest today," Y/N says as she returns to Bucky. "I’ll make sure to make sure you’re as comfortable as possible here," Bucky says.

Before entering the tower, Y/N grabs Bucky's hand and says, "Let's head in, I need a shower."

Y/N gives everyone a hug as they enter the tower, and Peter says, "I missed you so much ma'am, you're so badass for getting out of there." Natasha says, "I think she forgot to give me a hug," as she enters the rooms. Y/N says, "I missed you too, Peter," before heading to Natasha to give her a hug “what have you guys been up to?”

Laughing, Natasha says, "Looking for you."

Before departing to take a shower, Y/N says, "well It was nice seeing you guys again, but I’m gonna go shower."

As she enters her previous room, she takes a moment to express her joy at finally being with Bucky and her friends.

Before entering the shower, Y/N takes one more look at herself in the mirror as she enters the bathroom. After taking off her clothes, she turns on the water and waits for it to get hot for a few seconds before entering. Y/N begins to wash her body, including her hair, and as she rinses her body, she senses Bucky joining her in the shower.

When Bucky turns her around so they are facing each other, he begins to kiss her, and Y/N moans at his actions. Y/N then pulls Bucky in for a hungry kiss, saying, "I missed you so fucking much Bucky."

When she felt Bucky's hand slap her in the arse, she managed to suppress a loud moan. "I missed you too doll," Bucky says, before pulling her back into a hungry kiss and massaging her in the arse. While she begins to pull on his hair, he can feel his cock getting harder. Y/N pulls away from the kiss to look up at Bucky and say, "I want you to fuck me." Before she takes his hard cock in her hand, she slowly starts to give him a handjob. Soon enough, she turns around and sticks her ass out at Bucky. “oh I’m gonna fuck you baby." Bucky said before he takes his member in his hand and strokes his cock, he presses his tip to her slit, and gradually inserts his length into her. "Fuck baby you're so wet for me," Bucky tells Y/N as he begins to slowly insert his length into her. “Go faster!” Y/N moans as she feels Bucky so deep in her. She feels Bucky begin to fuck her quickly and pulls at her hair to moan in her ear, "You want me to fuck you fast, baby?"

In "Oh fuck yes," Y/N groaned in response. When Bucky pulled away from her, she complained, but he made her kneel down to suck his cock. "Show me how much you missed me baby," he said, before lightly slapping Y/N's face with his cock and shoving it in her mouth. She starts to suck on his length and begins to stroke him in her hands until he says "fuck I’m going to cum stop I need to cum inside you" he advises her to stand up and places her leg behind him and begins to eat her out "before I fuck you again I need to taste you"

As she feels Bucky stick two fingers in her while sucking on her clit, Y/N groans and jerks her hips in his direction. Y/N says to Bucky, "I'm gonna cum"

"Cum for me baby," Bucky says before pumping his fingers into her faster. Y/N says, "Fuckkk," as she begins to see stars from the most euphoric orgasm. Bucky says, "Taste yourself for me" as he slowly takes his fingers out, gets up, and puts them in her mouth. Bucky says, "im gonna cum inside of you, fill you up, and make sure you remember who you belong to," as he lifts Y/N up he shoves his length into her "fuck," Y/N moans loudly, "this pussy is mine right?". Bucky says, roughly, "Fuckk!!!" as he fucks her. “it's yours it's always been yours" she groans loudly as she's near another climax.

Bucky feels her walls tighten

around him. "Cum for me baby," he says as his hips start to stutter. She cums around his cock and yells "fuckkkk just like that!" Bucky then began to pump her with his seed as his hips started to stutter. "Shit" Bucky says before pulling out of her, seeing his cum drop out of her and onto the shower floor. Bucky tells her, "Fuck doll that was amazing," as he slowly puts her down and gives her a passionate kiss. She steps out of the shower to get a towel for the two of them and gives him a quick kiss before saying, "It was definitely amazing but now I want to cuddle." Y/N giggles as she wraps a towel around her. Before giving her another kiss, Bucky says, "We can cuddle all you want." Before retiring to bed to spend the remainder of the day cuddling with Bucky, Y/N says, "I love you" and Bucky responds with "I love you too doll forever and always.”

[lexygabe]

northquido headcanons

disclaimer: i was bored af lately so i decided to write down all of my thought about this stupid assholes

tw: use of slurs (it's fucking liquido and north come on you know they would) and nsfw content but this is under a cut

• this one is for the veterans that followed me on wattpad, the 🎀💋🤩💌👯‍♀️bread 💌❤️‍🔥❤️❤️, to be more specific brioche bread is liquido's equivalent of giving someone chocolate box,

• their relationship doesn't get in the way when it comes to their rivalry,

• their love language is using the most fucked-up insults you've ever heard of. liquido calls north 'dirty dumb blonde fag' and north tells liquido that he is the biggest stupid cunt he ever dated. they love each other 🥰🥰,

• to everybody's surprise this relationship is good for them. since they are dating, both north and liquido spend more time on training,

• liquido is much of an attention seeker so it's very hard to see them being apart,

• when they are in the same room with other people and liquido starts to acting up, north is like: "oh my god, sit the fuck down🙄🙄". at first liquido haven't listen to what north was telling him but over time as north was telling liquido, for example, to shut up: liquido shut up. "hold it": liquido holds it. "tell him": liquido tells him,

• when it comes to north, liquido always mocks him. when something happens liquido says things like that to north: "say you are sorry", "thank me now", "😜😜say: please liquido😵‍💫 i can't live 🥺🤭 without you". unfortunately, north knows he needs to say all of these things because otherwise liquido will be offended at him a whole day,

• type of couple that was shipped by fans long before they started dating,

• when it comes to being romantic, they are romantic on the level of a third grade student. north gives liquido some 'awesome, diabolical, fun as hell rocks' he found on the beach and liquido sends him pictures of drawings that he made on some documents or nda's (del aqua was pissed off) (those drawing looked like if they were made by preschooler),

• the most romantic thing they've done was placing receipt with written love confession into an empty alcohol bottle and they throw it to the ocean. soon after that beach guard reported them to police and they have to pay a fine💀💀,

• north sends liquido every "blue haired girl" meme,

• another easter egg for my wattpad followers: north teaches liquido how to ice skate (it ended up horrible),

• liquido is the master of making the scene in public. he is sitting on north's lap in the most random moments and places, he gives north a slap on the ass when there are cameras everywhere, etc.,

• north on the other hand, hits liquido in the shoulder, elbows him in the stomach or pokes him between the ribs with his fingers.

"it wasn't funny😐😐😦😬"

"good😠😤"

• north is crocs and liquido is flip-flops,

• they don't care about privacy in the bathroom. when one of them is washing their teeth - the other is peeing, etc.,

• don't let them play uno or monopoly,

• btw they are playing a lot of traditional games when they have lazy days,

• the couple that wouldn't marry each other til their 60s

• they are drawing dicks on a cast if one of them broke any bone.

nsfw:

• when they are making out there is a lot of saliva, teeth and blood (because they bite each others lips every time),

• if you see them during a quickie, you didn't predict. just go away,

• someone already mentioned it but breath play, liquido likes it especially. yeah it also applies to swallowing,

• dirty talk and i mean a lot,

• tbh liquido is the one that is doing blow jobs and giving hand jobs to north, this is my man's cup of tea,

• north is one wild mf, my man is searching for that g spot inside those hydra cheeks (im sorry, pls forgive me),

• THEY ARE LOUD AS FUCK, OMG SHUT THE FUCK UP,

• hickeys💋💋💋.

[rotfuchss]

Irondad Masterlist ♡

Hi there! So happy that you found my Irondad/Tony Stark blog💞 I decided to redo my masterlist so, here we go. All my works can be read mainly on my AO3💖

feel free to write me an ask/dm if you have any prompts or requests🫶

OneShots

oh i'm ready (for whatever comes next)

My first ever fic. Peter asks Tony to be his legal guardian in case something happens to Aunt May.

now take a deep breath (let's get some rest)

Peter being Peter and completely disregarding his sleep schedule and being so tired that he accidentally falls asleep against Tony in the lab. 

Back to School Night

Based on this tumblr prompt here. The fic where Tony Stark goes to Peter's school without his kid's knowledge and may or may not end up not only proving Peter's internship is very much real, but also, may or may not end up shouting at Flash's father. It's not like it's his fault that guy's an asshole, okay!

I will protect you (I'm coming to hold you now)

Multi Chapter Fics

The fic where someone holds a knife to Tony's throat and Peter experiences a flashback to Uncle Ben's death and starts blaming himself for not keeping Tony safe and starts spiraling into an abyss of guilt because what if it happens again and Peter freezes up again and Mr. Stark dies because of him? [febuwhump 2023]

And Pink (goes with everything)

Peter and Tony go watch the Barbie movie together.

That's it, that’s the fic.

Make You Feel My Love

This is my Hydra!Peter Parker AU. Currently a WIP.

you know i'll take my heart clean apart (if it helps yours beat)

A 5+1 fic. The five times Tony Stark doesn't realize he loves Peter Parker and the one time he does. Currently a WIP.

Drabbles

promise

There’s pain and then there isn’t. Bit different from my usual style. [febuwhump 2023]

-- Do not reblog as st*rker --

[asteria-argo]

killing me softly

From THIS ask game here if you want to join in!

Killing me softly is actually finished, but unpublished, because I am Afraid™ since it's for a fandom I am not even kind of in. A while back I watched Falcon and The Winter Soldier, got hyperfixated on the implications of Bucky Barnes, which resulted in this fic.

Because I was processing some shit at the time decided to project by writing a Girl Bucky Fic about her relationship with Sam and her perception of herself post hydra brainwashing and abuse, the ways their friendship benefits them both, how they cope with the same situations differently, and dealing with being a fully realized person after decades of objectification.

“Asshole.” she mumbles, as he sets her down on the edge of the sink. “Hey, you can’t call me an asshole while I’m taking care of you,” he says, jabbing a finger at her. It makes her smile, small but amused like she thinks he’s ridiculous. Probably because she does think he's ridiculous. That doesn't stop him from wagging his finger at her just to see that exact smile. “It’s against the rule.” “Didn’t realize we had rules.” she says. She doesn’t roll her eyes, but Sam can hear the implication of an eye roll in her voice. “Oh yeah there’s loads of rules.” Sam says, mostly to fill the silence, to keep her talking. Her voice is still quiet, still barely loud enough for him to hear, but she’s brightening a bit, coming back to being the sarcastic asshole Sam knows and cares for. “Like you can’t call me an asshole while I’m giving you a bath.”

I never published it because I'm not actually a marvel fan, and I don't really know anything about the characters I actually wrote for it beyond a few episodes of the show. I might go through one day to fix it up and publish it since it's a few years old at this point, but I don't really want too unless I think people will enjoy it.

[probably-a-human-being]

Spoilers

Random thoughts I had while reading TNC:

Weird lore in the ground. Huh.

Audrian also has that lore. Elsie stuff?

Damn! I've been imagining lore keepers taking on traits from their beasts since book 1, and now it's canon!

Fuck you Leopold. Good for you Cyril.

Field trip! Nice to meet all the high keepers, Hasu's mom having a dragonfly on her face is cool, but I don't like her by principle because it seems she's putting a lot of pressure on Hasu :(

Oh hi Zeeeenzi

ETHEL! MY BABY HOW I'VE MISSED YOU. WHERE'S YOUR BROTHER!?!

Blights are creepy. Also based on what was previously said I'm guessing that Yasha came from a town struck by them?

Hasu can already do lore surge? I mean that's cool, but seriously, why are they putting so much pressure on her?

Signature moves! Nice.

Oooh creepy tomb. So that's where "The Night Compass" comes in. Also I didn't mention it but I love Grusha.

Hydra snakes. Cool.

YASHA!!!!!!!!!

I just love all things Yasha :)

Damn! I remember someone predicting that Navryshta or however you spell her name is a mammoth frozen in ice, looks like you were right!

Bye Yasha... but Barclay still has his coat 😳

Oh the description of Barclay's blackened fingers was BRUTAL

It's nice to see Runa and Cyril becoming friends again.

I also like seeing Viola realize that her dad is kinda shitty, reminds of when I realized that about my mom. I still love my mom, but she's a little insufferable, and it's nice to see someone in fiction feeling the same way as me.

Also Barclay practicing with his new lore is so cute ☺️

The image of the glacier point was so clear, and it was really cool.

oh fuck no no no LEAVE RUNA ALONE YOU ASSHOLE

Bye Yasha... again... also Viola stabbed you in the shoulder? Damn!

HASU'S BONDED WITH A LEGENDERY BEAST?!? WHAT?!?

QUIST YOU FUCKING GENIUS, EDUCATE THE WHIMSICAL AND TELL NO ONE

GRUSHA!! Leave her alone Audrian you fucking asshole!

GRUSHA NOOOOOOO (but stabbing Audrian with the horn and RUNA'S move? Iconic)

YASHA NOOOOOOO

Runa's going to bond with a legendery beast? That's fucking awesome!

NAVRYSHTA NOOOOOOOOO

Leopold 😒

WHAT THE FUCK WHAT FUCK WHAT'S HAPPENING

HOLY SHIT THE WILDERLAND IS GOING WILD

THE FAMILY IS BREAKING UP? NOOOOO

HASU'S GREAT BEAST WOKE UP? WOOOOAAH

So overall I really liked the book, I liked the darker vibe and the greater violence, and the plot twist were cool. I have a few questions, such as: how did Navyrishta get trapped in the ice in the first place? Why was the horn plunged into the glacier at the north of the world? Why did it turn silver? And also I'm wondering what happened to Abel, since that was never explained. I hope that in future books we get more time with Ethel and maybe discover what happened. I'm also glad that Root got more screentime, because my biggest critique of books 2 and 3 is that they kinda didn't give him anything to do. Barclay and Zenzi kissing was nice, but I don't really see this turning into something serious more like a crush that will eventually go away and all that'll remain is friendship. I also enjoyed seeing Barclay getting better at lying, although I'm not sure how I feel about it being through Audrian. Speaking of which, Audrian is delusional. Fuck him. Can't wait for the next book!