#humor me; {Dean}

[morganaconda]

[strawlessandbraless]

Angels: Brother, you have been chosen for this mission to save the righteous man from hell. But Castiel, hear me well. Do not covet the Michael Sword, big plans for that sword

*2 minutes later*

Castiel: I will lay claim to this living soul, rebuild him, mark him as my own, and carve my name into his ribs, gonna stare at him a lot, so much, gonna kiss him

[profoundbondfanfic]

Take Me Out

Take Me Out by Crematosis (@crematosis) Rating: Teen and up Word Count: 6.6k

Dean had asked Cas to take him out if he ever became a demon. This was not what he had in mind.

This one has a hilarious cracky concept. Dean asks Cas to "take him out" if he ever becomes a demon. Cas misinterprets this to mean "on a date."

The fic is funny, but it also has an underlying sweetness and the resolution at the end is very clever. Dean is petulant and a bit bratty and Cas is extremely stubborn, but they are surprisingly soft together.

It's a light read that had me grinning.

[bardicious]

I really love how female coded Sam is. There's lots of parallels between him and Mary, with the way their family treats them, their goals in life, the clothes they wear, the mad predatory vibes from demons. Honestly so here for this.

[puredaydreaming]

whump enjoyers when their fav gets hurt yet again:

[sensitivehandsomeactionman]

[purplepicklejuices]

first it was Dean and now it’s Stiles. someone PLEASE save me from the sarcastic, unserious, traumatized characters

[gabriestat]

the entire plot of supernatural is really just sam and dean taking turns to recreate this

[thedamsnacks]

I'm only on like season 6 of supernatural and I know it ended but I just want a psych/supernatural crossover just cause it would be so fucking funny because so many of the actors have been on both shows and the themes are so similar yet so different

[highfunctioningflailgirl]

Maintenance

When Sam’s phone rings and he sees Castiel’s caller ID, he can’t quite suppress the old sense of alarm. Their lives have been peaceful for a while now - maybe too peaceful. And although Dean and Cas have seemed happy since moving into Bobby’s old cabin last year, Sam doesn’t trust that happiness. From experience, good things never last for the Winchesters.

Warily, he picks up the phone. “Cas, hey, what’s going on?”

“Can I seek refuge at the bunker?” As usual, the angel isn’t one for preliminaries.

“Why?” Sam asks, immediately worried. “What happened? Where’s Dean?”

“He’s at the farmer’s market.”

“The farmer’s market? What for?”

“To buy food.” Cas sounds annoyed. “That’s what you do there.”

Sam rubs his forehead. “I know that. But I didn’t know Dean did. But what does that have to do with you seeking refuge? Is someone after you? Something? Do you need help?”

“I definitely need help.” A nuance of desperation bleeds through Castiel’s grumpiness. “The situation is dire.”

Sam is squinting into the phone now. He still has no idea what the hell Cas is talking about.

“Cas, what happened? What the hell is going on?”

On the other end of the line, the angel sighs deeply. “I sent Dean for a check-up.”

“A check-up? At the doctor’s?” Sam’s heartbeat picks up.

“Yes. Humans are feeble creatures. They need maintenance, Samuel,” Cas lectures him.

“I know that,” Sam all but snaps back, his patience wearing thin. “And Dean went? Is he sick?”

“Not yet. But he could become sick if he doesn’t watch his-... wait, I forgot what it’s called.” There’s a pause, and Sam hears paper rustling in the background. “... his cholesterol. It’s too high.”

Now it’s Sam’s turn to sigh. He has a hunch where this is going. “Did his doctor put him on a diet?”

Castiel grunts gloomily. “He told him to swap meat for vegetables.”

“Let me guess,” Sam says, battling a feeling somewhere between relief, worry and laughter. “He’s eating greens and hating it.”

“...and being unbearable, yes,” Cas adds. “I know he’s doing this for me, Sam. He wants to be healthy for me. But, dear God, he’s killing me.” Sam can literally hear the misery written on the angel’s face.

“That bad?”

“He’s angry all the time. Even when he sleeps.”

Sam can’t help it. He chuckles.

“It’s not funny, Sam.”

“I know, I know.” Sam disguises his inappropriate mirth in a cough. “I’m sorry, Cas. I can imagine.”

He hears Castiel scratch his ever-present stubble.

“What shall I do, Sam? Can I stay with you and Eileen for a while? Until he's less... like this?”

Sam takes a moment to think. “Of course you can. But I don’t think it’ll help Dean’s mood if he thinks you’re leaving him.”

“I’m not leaving him!” Cas is appalled.

“No, but he’ll take it that way, Cas. You know how he is. He’s always afraid that you will. And he’ll blame himself. And that will make him even more angry.”

“I don’t think that’s possible.” Glumly.

“That bad?”

“Demon Dean was a ray of sunshine compared to him.”

“Oh.”

They both fall silent for a moment. Sam is just about to suggest something when, on the other end of the line, he hears a door slam.

“Sam, Dean’s back,” Castiel hisses.

“Hey hey! Who are you talking to, Cas?”

Dean’s voice. Bright and cheerful.

“I’m… I’m talking to Sam…”

“Oh yeah? Tell him and Eileen to come over tonight! I’m putting steaks on the grill. And burgers. I’m gonna show that doctor where he can shove his cholesterol.”

Dean laughs, defiantly and wholeheartedly, and Sam can imagine the i-don’t-give-a-damn joy in his brother’s eyes.

Then Castiel is back on the line. “Did you hear what he said?” He sounds very relieved.

“Yes.” Sam smirks. “Problem solved, I guess?”

“For now. But I’ll need you to teach me some heart-healthy recipes. Maintenance, remember?”

“I’ll be happy to. But it’s you who’ll make him eat them.”

Castiel sighs again. “God help me.”

Sam chuckles again. “I’m afraid you’re on your own, buddy.”

He hangs up, to the sound of Dean whistling gaily in the background.

[angelsdean]

my dad was also like "can this guy stop monologuing" when john-as-azazel was going on and on in 1x22 and then 2 seconds later dean goes "you mind just getting this over with, huh? Cause I really can’t stand the monologuing" and my dad was like "no way!" djfkdfkd

[davidytenny-ovariesexplodeywodey]

Are we still writing terrible humorous smutty fanfiction these days? I haven't wrote anything in years so I'm unsure if this is still acceptable and funny or not. . Oh well here it is.

[youchangedmedestiel]

Chapters: 3/3

Fandom: Supernatural (TV 2005)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Words: 5,187

Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester

Characters: Castiel (Supernatural), Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Jack Kline

Additional Tags: Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It, Everybody Lives, Jack Kline is Not God, Saileen Mentioned, Domesticity in the Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Castiel in the Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Established Relationship, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Kissing, Boys Kissing, Neck Kissing, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Attempt at Humor, Deansturbation, Masturbation, Teasing, they are so gone for each other, They try to resist it though, because of that silly game they are playing, Smut, Two Endings, Don't be afraid to tell which one you prefer

Summary:

Dean and Cas waited 12 years to finally be together. So, they think they can resist each other, but do they? (Please, read the notes at the beginning for better understanding)

Notes: 

I got this idea from this pic (coming from this post on x): 

[wolfgiselle]

Summary: Dean Winchester is raised from Hell with no memory of how it even happened. All he's met with when he digs himself out of his own grave is a dry throat and a rat dressed like fucking Constantine who won't stop staring at him with piercing blue eyes.

What the hell is going on?

---

Rat Castiel? I just had to share this...very strange but creative idea. And Exodia the Forbidden shows up (I kid you not). 

[prettyflyshyguy]

FOLLOW UP to yesterday's post - more Ghostfacers bullshit. Spent last night in a half asleep state with the distinct mental image of Dean just slowly stalking around an abandoned house yelling out "SAMMEYYY" in an unhinged tone with a stupid grin on his face just trying to be as creepy as possible, and A) it works and maybe actually starts to scare Sam a little bit because B) maybe this is the first time as a ghost he starts to display some behavior that blurs the line between Committing to the Bit and him actually becoming a violent spirit

I am ONTO SOMETHING HERE

[supernatural-24]

this was funnier in my head i'm sorry