#human ignorance never fails to amaze me why do you think he's not Spider-Man that's literally his alter ego or did you miss that part

[iwasbored777]

Bro is there really a debate if Miles Morales is Spider-Man lmfaoo what's even the point of the debate that's like questioning if Earth is round I can't even 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[drabbles-of-writing]

Reverse Au! Dump

Don’t mind my idea dumping here. Brain decided to have fun while I was at work and I have too many wips as it is, so… Thought I’d ask before I dumped, experience. Used morningmark’s comics as a base, so if you want reference. Now this isn’t all that well compiled, but here it goes.

~

Magic in the Other World is varied as it is crazy. So many styles over the generations and not a lot of organization. There are some that try to categorize it all, but that works as well as you’d expect. Some were lost, some erased, some weren’t passed down/recorded because “the power is all mine! Ahahaha!” It took a lot of time and collaboration, but eventually a sort of system was installed to help out. Still a lot of work to do, but its a step forward. Nowadays the term Wild Magic is generally reserved for those that aren’t all that well documented and understood.

Some Magics are very powerful and desirable, but also tend to be very high risk/high reward, kinda pass/fail, pretty literally Do or Die most times. So not a lot of people can use those or are even willing to. Story says this one guy named Odin hung himself on a massive tree by his own spear for nine days, no food water or rest in constant pain before he could unlock the secret of Runes. But it’s also said he gouged out his own eye to drink from the Well of Wisdom so… 

There are lots of different ways to channel magic too: wands, staves, jewelry, certain gems, familiars, potions, enchanted armaments, chants, scripts, etc. Each tool has its own advantages and disadvantages and play into a Witches’ style. Every Witch has at least two methods of spellcasting. Only children have one. Haven’t thought of how Luz gets her Palisman though. Maybe its one of those magic Artifacts like Dr. Strange’s cloak, Elder Wand, Thor’s hammer, or a Green Lantern’s Ring. Something that can’t be recreated because the secret is lost, materials no longer exist, too hard/dangerous to make, accident that can’t be recreated, etc. Happens more often than people like.

Camilla is sometimes called the Blue Witch. She’s a healer by heart and trade, but push her and she will become a one Witch Battleship. Bismark who? Aaaaand she just deleted a whole battalion. And the fortress behind them. Hide me. There are the very rare occasions, like count on one hand rare, when someone near and dear to her heart is in trouble that she takes up her other job. She’s especially terrifying when she decides to torture, those who know how to heal the body know best how to break it. Many shades of Blue, some are very close to Black. She doesn’t necessarily hate Humans exactly, but doesn’t have the highest of regard from past experiences.

Luz has training and is a proficient Witch for her age. Camilla and her father were adamant about having a general knowledge/skillset alongside her specialized skill. Jack of all trades and a master of none, still better than a master of one. She has gone through the system for her magic with varying success. Oracle magic? Zero talent. Bard classes? She can play an instrument, but can’t sing at the same time. When she does sing she tires too hard and messes up. It’s only when she doesn’t try, like absently singing along with a song or playing by her heart, that she’s good at it. Beasts? Can use them, but would rather play with them. Bleeding heart and all that. She does have a good handle on healing magic partly due to Camilla drilling necessary skills into her and partly osmosis. Her father arranged for some CQC lessons from an old friend of his which the girl loved. You get the idea. It wasn’t until she discovered Glyphs that she found her niche and her skills took off. Glyphs are one of those ‘eccentric’ or 'archaic’ styles since they haven’t been used in so long after being lost and are barely understood. She still has a long way to go, but she is on her way.

Luz never really had much in the way of friends, partly cuz of high profile parents which leads to certain pressures and a target on her head, partly because of her magic style and personality, and partly because of the trouble been going on. Luz grew up her whole life with this tension of a group of anarchists trying to burn society that’s just trying to do the right thing. The anarchists started small, but have been a growing problem the past few decades with talk how to 'reshape the world’ in not a good way. Anyone with critical thinking skills can tell this is a bad idea, but they are too brainwashed to notice. They harass anyone who doesn’t follow their rhetoric and attack anyone who even questions them. Luz’s parents put a real kink in a lot of their plans for years, which makes Luz guilty by association. 

Luz got caught in one of those sudden larger scuffles and was accidentally chucked/blown through a portal created by an attempted tactical retreat that went off course. Hence why she can’t go home because she hasn’t learned how to do portals yet. Those are high level anyway so how did these guys pull it off so easily? Luz has a hard time blending in obviously. Learning how to use a phone was a fun endeavor. Internet was a trip. Luz is amazed how these people can do all this cool stuff without magic. Keep a low profile sure, she can pass off as a weird out of town kid. Keep the beanie on, underperform in gym and stuff because some things don’t change, like genetics. Someone sharp eyed will see discrepancies. The Beanie has a small Glamor spell built in that covers her witchy traits but she forgot the ears which is why it sits like it does. Luz can erase memories in case she has an accident, but it’s less of a 'remove my face from this picture with a scalpel’, and more of a 'lemme just hack off the past hour or three from your brain with an axe.’ If she tries to take any more then she starts burning into some more dangerous territory and those Wiped are groggy and disoriented for a while after already. Then the magic attacks start happening and her heroic instinct/anti-bystander complex kicks in and there goes that. It runs in the family so Camilla isn’t surprised in the slightest when she finds out.

“Oh titan, why did you curse me with another me?” “I’m right here Mami!”

Eda has a shack very akin to Grunkle Stan. Lots of junk that Lilith can’t believe that people are dumb enough to buy. She’s also involved in some not so legal dealings on the side. Well, Eda isn’t actually hurting anybody and the tax dollars she should be paying would only go towards some politicians’ next yacht or another pointless overseas 'investment’ instead of where it’s supposed to go so. Eda does give some good intel on occasion and a place to vent so Lillith overlooks her. Lil’s more of the secret police for witches and a petty crook isn’t part of her job anyway. Eda understands Luz’s predicament and is willing to help. The cover story is that Camilla work in hospitals and has to work crazy hours while her dad passed away so is living with Eda for a while. King is that kind of critter that grew up weird and acts like ten different animals all the time.

Gus is the nerdy kid who infodumps on everybody, even if they’re not listening. Loves anything fantasy/sci-fi related and plays Minecraft too. A good kid at heart, but needs some social skills. Keep him away from anything more sugary than tea. Luz learned a lot listening to him. Not all of it is entirely useful, but still. Some of his ramblings give her some good ideas for magic and stuff, like putting Glyphs on cards.

The Blights are the cool rich kids obviously, and have some discipline and social issues. Big family name makes them intimidating for normies and a meal ticket for the unsavory. These kids need real friends. They decided to act out to get some attention from the parents who then decided to ignore them. “If you’re going to act like a child tantrum, get treated like one.” Ed is perfect for Drama classes, if he were allowed to partake. Can’t decide what Em is great at, hacking perhaps? Amity’s car is an inheritance from the only family to treat her as such Twins aside, even if she’s too young to remember it. She only remembers that she has feelings surrounding the car. All three of them were pretty impressed with Luz for standing up to them, calling them out on their shit, and not giving a crap about their family name. Being treated like a normal person is pretty weird. Can we get her to do that again?

Amity tried dating Boscha once, didn’t work out very well. Boscha is still hurting over Amity’s comment of “I’d rather go date the new weird kid (Luz) than go back to you.” It’s one of the reasons she goes after Luz. She has that kind of Bud personality from Spider Man, feels lesser and so acts out so much. 

“Wow, this new Witch is amazing. Not as cool as the original Witch.”

“What is it with the Witch with you?”

“Oh, she’s a hero. Looks out for the city and the little guy. She inspires me. Makes me want to be a bigger person. *sees Luz* What’s up Luz-er?”

~

And that’s what I got right now. I know there was more, but it’s lost to the void right now. Might come back later, maybe not. Lemme know what you think.

............

DAMN you weren’t lying when you said you had an info-dump this is *chefs kiss* you got me intrigued now

[kabira]

09 | scientific inspiration

pairing — spider-man!vernon x ofc

featuring — joshua, yeji (itzy), felix (skz), yangyang (nct)

word count — 3.6k

genres — spider-man au, marvel au, fluff, action, angst, humor

warnings — none.

note — so here it is, the big Science Dump that will form the basis for one of the major arcs of the story. now, i don’t pretend to know too much of what i’m talking about, but hopefully all the hours of scrolling through obscure genetics articles will hold up. hell, they probably won’t, but this is superhero fiction about a sixteen-year-old man-spider vigilante, so please excuse it !!! a lot of this is borrowed from the ultimate spider-man comics lore by brian michael bendis.

Vernon was still thinking about Luce’s offer when he got to work later that day.

Normally, he would have tried to keep his head clear during his work, but since all he had to do that day was log data entries, it didn’t really matter. Doc hadn’t come back to the lab yet, so it was just him and the janitor, but from the open holograph display on his table, Vernon figured he’d be back pretty soon. Despite the state of his office, the doctor didn’t like messes, especially not in his workplace.

He hadn’t expected Luce to even consider inviting the others, even though she had been friendly with them. Movie night was something that belonged to just the four—three—of them, something sacred and untouched by outsiders. The thing that had surprised him even more was his own willingness. For someone who had been so acutely ticked off by their unannounced arrival, he sure had warmed up to his new teammates quickly.

Vernon was only a few entries in when Dr. Connors entered the lab, holding a cup of steaming coffee from the cafeteria. He smiled at Vernon when he came in, not bothering to glance at the screen to check what he was doing before making his way over to the work table. One of the things Vernon liked the most about this place was that despite being nothing more than a research assistant, he was still allowed to help out in more impactful ways than simply entering and saving data.

“You’re here early,” Dr. Connors said, setting down the Styrofoam cup on his table. He looked tired, Vernon noticed, probably why he had bought that cafeteria coffee despite it being a thick, dark color and tasting like tar. There were dark circles under his blue eyes, and his usually neatly combed brown hair was slightly disheveled.

“I came here directly after school was over,” Vernon said. “Figured I’d save a lot more time that way, and I don’t really have much left to do.”

“Hm?” The scientist faced the holographic model, hitting a few keys on the pad below it. His movements were listless, but his shoulders were still tense. Reminds me of seniors before finals, Vernon thought. It wasn’t exhaustion like he had assumed, but stress. “Then perhaps you’d like to help me out here.”

“Really?” Vernon tried to keep the excitement out of his voice, but failed. Probably for the better, because it sparked a small smile on Dr. Connors’s face. “What are you working on right now?”

He didn’t get an answer for a long moment. Vernon spun in his chair and pulled himself to his feet, ignoring the remains of exhaustion weighing his body down as he made his way over to the doctor’s table.

“It’s something your father and I were working on before…before this project was abandoned, almost a decade ago,” Dr. Connors said. He was looking at the display with a different kind of intensity in his eyes, like it was something to be defeated rather than discovered. “When I lost your father, I gave up all hope of ever getting back to it, but after all my recent failures, I think I need to revisit my roots.”

Vernon pursed his lips at failures, but said nothing. The hologram looked like a DNA strand—a double helix blown to the size of a poster tube. It shone with a dull blue light, lighting up Dr. Connor’s features, illuminating the creases around his mouth and eyes that Vernon wasn’t sure had been there before. Standing next to him made his own tiredness feel like a minor inconvenience.

“This was your father’s brainchild, after all,” the man said, still staring at the display. “A completely independent protoplasmic model based on the body’s own genetic edifice built to fortify the weaker structure of a sick body.”

“A protoplasmic model?” Vernon’s eyes widened. “I thought it was supposed to be controlled AI, like nanobots or something.”

“Imagine that, except a sentient being with the ability to detect and eradicate weaknesses in the body on its own, without any direction,” Dr. Connors said. “Something to cure everything—the right combinations of proteins able to use the body’s own natural resources to fight any infection, overcoming the problem of grafting and able to treat everything from neural atrophy to genetic diseases to cancer, contained in a small tubule.” His eyes shone. “The perfect cure.”

The perfect cure. Vernon glanced back at the holographic model, now seeing the inconsistencies in its structure when compared to normal human DNA. The idea was intoxicating and exhilarating, made even more amazing by the fact that it had been proposed by his father. It made his chest ache with longing, thinking of the possibilities of fulfillment if his father had been alive still—not just for the experiment, but for Vernon himself.

“He was way ahead of his time, Richard Parker—in that sense, you are a lot like him,” Dr. Connors murmured in a low, wistful voice, as if speaking to himself. “It had become almost impossible for us to receive any support or funding for our project, because of how wildly imaginative it was. We were ridiculed, discredited, called mad for our ideas before we finally got the deal with Oscorp. We had worked on the cure for so long, and just a couple of days before the deal’s signing, your father called me one night, sounding excited about a fresh prospect.” He shook his head. “But then…”

He didn’t need to complete his sentence. Vernon caught the drift of it, and turned away to hide the pained expression brought onto his face by the flood of emotions. He didn’t know if he felt good about being so close to his father’s work, or bad about being so far away from his father himself. Even the mere presence of his old colleague, still alive while he wasn’t, seemed to taunt Vernon.

Snap out of it, he told himself firmly. His father’s death hadn’t been Dr. Connors’s fault—he knew that, but still had to avoid even thinking of that idea, because once the seeds had been planted in his brain, Vernon knew he wouldn’t be able to work with Dr. Connors in harmony. Plus, watching him talk about the work he and his dad had done together, no one could say that the scientist didn’t care about his former partner.

“What did he discover?” Vernon prompted.

Dr. Connors’s eyes turned sad. “I never did get to find out,” he said. “Just two days after the call, he was finally going to come back to the state to share his discoveries with me, so we could compare notes and build on what was lacking. The first step to phase two, he called it.” His jaw tightened. “And just when we thought something was going to go right for once…”

Vernon hung his head. Maybe knowing his father had been on the verge of a breakthrough should have made him feel better about his achievements, but he only thing that Vernon could think about was what all the world had lost when he had lost his dad. A revolution in medicine. A father. He was almost a little uneasy thinking about which kind of loss affected him more. The world could have been a much better place, but all Vernon wanted was his dad back.

“I’ve been unfair to you, Vernon,” Dr. Connors said, breaking him out of his reverie. He straightened while keeping his eyes fixed on the DNA hologram, then faced Vernon with a sad look. “You should have had someone to help you come to terms with your father’s death, someone who could have told you about his great ideas and even greater work. I shouldn’t have left you alone to deal with everything, but I simply couldn’t bring myself to…”

His voice had lowered with every syllable until he trailed off, making Vernon think that his voice had finally become too small for anyone to hear. Vernon swallowed, unable to think of anything to say. He was usually good at talking to people, even heart-to-hearts, but when the subject touched his obscure past, words failed him.

“I understand,” he said, the first words that came to his blank mind. He tried for a reassuring smile, unsure of what the result actually looked like. “You shouldn’t blame yourself for it. And anyway, I am here now.”

Dr. Connors smiled a little. “That, you are,” he said. “I feel like I’ve been doing your genius intellect a great injustice by assigning you all these menial tasks.”

“Hey, someone’s gotta do the menial tasks, right?” He smiled back. “My experience with research is next to nothing compared to that of the other people in this lab, so I’m fine with where I am. And not all the tasks are exactly menial.”

“Still.” The man sighed. “Since it was your father’s genius that came up with this idea, it feels only right to have you develop it further—or at least play a role in its creation.”

“I’m here whenever you need me,” Vernon said, glad about the lightening of the atmosphere. He wasn’t sure how much more of that weight he could have taken. He cocked his head, studying the listed proteins. “What made you want to work on this ‘cure’ again after so long?”

“A lot of different reasons,” the scientist said. “I think I had been avoiding this project for so long because I couldn’t bear to continue it without Richard by my side, but meeting you, his son, and having you take up a position in my lab felt like a sign.” He gave the boy a sideways smile. “And from a scientific viewpoint—before this, I’d been working on a different kind of cure, a serum with a principle based in cross-species genetics. It was supposed to be give a person the ability to regenerate lost limbs like a lizard, but the premature human trials went off the rails.”

Vernon nodded, keeping his mouth clamped shut. “I see,” he said, not wanting to bring up the Lizard incident unless he was sure Dr. Connors was ready to address it.

“However, after someone helped…fix the problem by making an anti-serum, the new formula for it gave me an idea,” the man continued. “Scientific inspiration, I guess you could call it. There’s a lot to be done, but I still have the anti-serum here in the lab, and have been studying it for over a month now.”

The gears had already begun turning in Vernon’s head. He had been the one to create the anti-serum as Spider-Man, and no one knew the methodology better than the original creator. Most of it had stemmed from the original Lizard formula, and with a bit of recalibration and measured reversal, the formula had worked. That makes me wonder…

“Hey, doc,” he murmured, brow pinched into a thoughtful frown, “if you had a sample of perfectly bonded human and non-human cell structure, do you think you would be able to mimic it and engineer a matching structure for the cure?”

The man frowned. “How do you mean?”

“I mean…” Vernon hesitated. Because of the OZ formula transferred into his blood by the spider bite, his DNA was perfectly bonded to spider DNA, which gave him what they called in post-human-speak a ‘healing factor’. It wasn’t as effective as Wolverine’s, but it was still something—and it was based on the same principle as the cure. Like the OZ formula helped his body develop a natural cure for anything he could be hit by—be it a paper cut or a head wound—by using its own resources.

The only difference was that it heightened his facilities by combining human abilities with spider abilities, which gave him things like his spider sense. However, if Vernon could use his own blood to develop a kind of skeletal structure for the cure. If it did work, it would only work on enhanced spider/human DNA, but at least then he’d have a start. The possibilities after that were endless.

“If there already existed a perfect sample of blood which had an in-built system like the cure,” Vernon said, trying not to give away too many details.

“Like mutant DNA?” Dr. Connors asked. “They have a completely different genetic structure in place, though, Vernon. They have the X-Gene. Their nucleotide sequence itself is mutated.”

“No, not like that,” Vernon said. “Like human DNA, just…enhanced. Bonded with something like the cure, just not—not living.”

Dr. Connors raised his eyebrows. “Well, having a perfect sample would reduce the needed brainwork to a tenth,” he said. “But you couldn’t acquire a sample like that, because, well, it exists only in theory.”

“Right,” Vernon muttered, but already the beginnings of a smile had started to curve his lips. “Only in theory.”

Vernon’s mind was buzzing with so much excitement from his idea for the cure that even web-slinging hadn’t been able to distract him from it.

He and the rest of the S.H.I.E.L.D. team had spent the evening scouring the city for any signs of something that could substantiate Vernon’s theory, but had come up with nothing except a few petty criminals, who had been easily stopped. The other three had left early, telling him to use their new communication devices (which looked an awful lot like kitschy wrist bands, except for the fact that they could turn invisible) if anything came up.

Nothing did.

It was nine p.m. and Vernon had still not changed out of his Spidey suit, spending the free hour to swing around the city and try and clear his head. Too much had happened in one day, and his mood was seesawing between elation at his new project and trepidation because of the dreaded return of movie night. Funny that a high school hangout was a source of more nervousness for him than trying to imitate his own radioactive blood sample to finish his dad’s decades old design.

When I put it like that, it sounds even more absurd, he thought, scrolling through the usual evening homework-help texts on his phone as he waited in line to buy eggs and a carton of milk at the not-so-local grocery store. Even Spider-Man had to obey queues when he was out doing chores for Aunt May.

He paid for the eggs and milk without the tattooed cashier giving him a second glance, and stepped out into the street with the bags. Aunt May wouldn’t be back until ten; he had about an hour to kill until curfew, but he wanted to get home early to talk to her about movie night (yet another reaction to dread) and hopefully study his spidery OZ-bonded radioactive blood under the lens of his old microscope that Uncle Ben had gotten him over a year ago.

“Yo, Spidey!”

Vernon looked up to see a chubby, tanned guy in his late twenties beaming at him like an old friend as he jogged up to meet him. “Hey, I remember you,” he said, pointing at the guy. “You’re uhhh…” He squinted at him, trying to remember when he’d last seen him. “That pizza delivery guy who almost got abducted by aliens!”

“That’s me! Paulo!” the guy exclaimed, his wide smile widening even more upon being recognized. “You saved me from those killer robot aliens last month, remember? And I promised you free pizza in case you ever needed it,” he added. “How’s it going?”

“As usual.” He raised the bag containing the groceries he’d just bought.

“Running errands when you get a break from crime-fighting, eh?” Paulo asked, giving his thick dark curls a shake. His smile refused to dim even a bit, like someone had switched on a light bulb with a permanent power source. “Keeps the superheroes humble.”

“Tell that to Captain America.” Vernon checked the comm device on his wrist, almost groaning out loud when he saw it was almost half past nine already. “Great. Uh, Paulo, I’ll have to catch you later. It’s late, and I gotta get back well before curfew in case there are delays on the way.”

“Of course! Go do your Spider-Man thing.” Paulo lifted his hands, mimicking the thwip-thwip gesture of shooting webs, and grinned. “See you later, Spidey!” he called out from behind him as Vernon swung himself up to a lamppost before launching himself into the air. “Remember the offer with the free pizzas still stands!”

“I will!” Vernon yelled back as he swung away. And he wasn’t just saying that, either—free pizzas were free pizzas.

He had to change in an alleyway again, but thankfully this time it didn’t have an open dumpster or smell like someone had thrown out a decayed cheese slab in the trash. By the time he got back home, Aunt May was already back, as indicated by the lights in the kitchen. Just perfect, he thought miserably, as he unlocked the front door with his spare key and trudged into the hallway.

“Vernon! You’re back early,” a voice yelled from the kitchen when she heard the door shut behind him. A woman with short silver hair, clad in a comfortable t-shirt and yoga pants came out into the living room as he entered it, wiping her hands with a hand towel. “Did you get the milk and eggs like I asked you to?” Aunt May asked.

For an older lady, she sure has great hearing. “Yep,” he said, swinging his bag off his shoulders and unzipping it, internally praying he hadn’t squashed the milk carton from all his swinging like last time. Thankfully, they were undamaged. “Did you come back from yoga classes early?”

“Oh, Denise pulled a muscle in her back, poor thing,” May said. “I offered to bring her back home, but she refused to let me ice it for her, saying she’d get Mac to do it instead.” She disappeared into the kitchen once again, coming out without the hand towel this time. “Put the groceries in the fridge, won’t you?”

For an older lady, Aunt May also had a lot of things going for her. Yoga classes on Monday-alternating weekdays, squash sessions over the weekend, classes for baking and music and whatnot—she might even have been busier than Vernon himself.

“Will do,” he said, obeying. His mind was still swimming with all the older thoughts, but now that he was standing right in front of Aunt May, the worry about movie night had pushed itself to the forefront, demanding all of his nervous attention.

He stood at the fridge even after closing the door, chewing his lip and wondering how to bring it up. Words really had failed him today. “Aunt May?” he ventured, unable to keep the hint of nerves from his voice. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“What is it, honey?” she asked, poking her head out of the kitchen. Around her waist was an apron that said Don’t Kiss the Cook. “Vernon?”

He kissed his teeth, teetering back and forth on the balls of his feet. “It’s about movie night.”

She stilled. “What about movie night?”

Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything, Vernon thought, pursing his lips. Aunt May hadn’t exactly been close with the Osborns, but he knew she had cared about Harry in her own way, the same way she cared about any neglected kid that Vernon brought home like an abandoned cat. She gave them as much comfort as she could, tried to give them the family they never really had, even if she knew she couldn’t completely replace them. It had happened before: Harry, and Luce—and now, Vernon thought with a little sigh, maybe even the team.

“Luce asked me to ask you if you were okay with us doing movie night this weekend,” he said slowly. “And there are these new kids, and she told me to ask them too, but if you’re busy we can always—”

“Vernon!” Aunt May smiled widely, coming out of the kitchen to rest her hands on his shoulders and give them a big squeeze. “Of course I’m okay with it! Oh, you don’t know how I wished you kids would do one of those again, I’m sure that’s what Harry would have wanted too.” She gave him a motherly smile, one that was soft and sad at the same time. “I’ll leave the house to you kids that day.”

“Oh, no, Aunt May, that’s not necessary—” he started, but she cut him off with a wave of her hand.

“Don’t be so formal with me, kiddo,” she said. “I know movie night means a lot to you, and if you have new friends coming over, I’m sure you don’t want a chaperone around.” She raised her eyebrows. “Although I would like to meet them before I go out.”

Vernon sighed, but there was a tiny smile on his face. “God, you’re the best.”

“And don’t you forget it.” She winked. “Besides, even an old woman like me needs to go out with her friends every once in a while, too. This might just turn out to be a good break for both of us.”

He nodded, feeling a welling of emotion in his chest that wouldn’t go down no matter how much he tried to push it away. One less thing to worry about, he thought half-heartedly, trying not to think about how Aunt May’s agreement meant movie night was on, which had the potential to be an even more worrying prospect. “I hope so.”

[aflyingcontradiction]

The Magnus Archives Relisten: Episode 111 - Family Business

Julia: It’s not a… Trevor doesn’t like using the book. I don’t either. Makes me feel off. Dead should stay dead.

"Dead should stay dead" is a very apt statement for an avatar of the-process-of-methodically-making-things-dead but also I can't say that I disagree, exactly.

Gerard: Nice lighter. You a spider freak, then?

Jon should perhaps have at some point gone "Huh." about the mysterious lighter, shouldn't he? But then again, neither did I.

Gerard: Yeah, the world changes in horrible ways. For you. I’m a book.

This seems perfectly fair, you know!

Gerard: She travelled light. Left things behind.

Oh, ouch, the tone he says that in makes me want to give him a hug, even if he is currently a book. Yeah, she left "things" behind for sure.

Gerard: Well, Fairchild’s just a name, they’re not really family. The Lukases, though, yeah. Thing is, it’s harder than it looks. What’s out there… doesn’t care about blood. Jon: Well, I-I mean, except for the vampires…

I want to say "Oh, Jon" but I can't guarantee I wouldn't have made the exact same dumb comment.

But mum didn’t need the help, and after me she wasn’t able to have kids again, so she killed him in his sleep to practice her bookbinding. I guess she failed. I always thought he was in here, but when I eventually got hold of it, there wasn’t a page in there. - Gerard

That's because Gertrude did for him what Jon later does for Gerard. Weird sort of parallel, that, the father and son, both rescued from undeath by the Archivist of their time.

We met with things that almost made me throw up, I was so afraid, and she’d talk to them like old friends. It was awful, but I suppose in many ways, it worked. Whenever I tried to run away the ‘real’ world seemed so… ignorant I could never be a part of it. So I did my best to find my place within my mum’s world.

God, he was just so fucked up from the start, his whole life tied to the Entities - his death, too - even though he tried so hard to make his own choices.

And honestly, there was a part of me which thought a life in prison was an alright price for freedom.

Damn, that's a gut punch of a line.

Gerard: And if you’re having an omelette for lunch, not every moment is spent eating the omelette. Some things take preparation. Especially if, you know, your spatula has a bit of free will.

I love this run-away metaphor, I really do. Especially the spatula with free will.

Gerard: A lot of it’s kind of arbitrary. I mean, why are navy blue and sky blue both called blue, when pink’s an entirely different colour from red? Y’know? I don’t know, that’s just how it works.

It's kind of funny in an almost-too-perfect way that this is the example that Gerard picks because colours are one of THE go-to examples people always go to for unexpected cultural-linguistic differences and the way they change how we perceive the world. The blue thing, for instance: Russian actually DOES have two entirely separate words for dark blue and light blue (maybe other languages do too, I just happen to know some Russian). I wonder if Johnny knew that when he was writing these lines and this was perhaps deliberate.

Gerard: O-Of course, with these things it’s not a simple spectrum, y’know, it’s more like – Jon: An infinite amorphous blob of terror bleeding out in every direction at once. Gerard: Now you’re getting it. Jon: Like colours, but if colours hated me.

If I add a "Favourite quotes" segment to an episode it's mostly for things that need very little context to feel like pieces of poignant writing and this needs a lot of context but if it weren't for that, the description of "Like colours, but if colours hated me" would DEFINITELY go into the favourite quotes segment!

Gerard: Needing to know, even if your discoveries might destroy you.

An explanation of an almighty terrifying fear Entity. Also an explanation of the reason I try and mostly fail to keep out of the comment section.

Jon: Which is… spiders a-and control. Your, your will not being your own.

I've said this before but the Web always struck me as a bit funny in that way. There's that deep existential fear of being manipulated and controlled from the outside ... and also spiders. Someone needs to make one of those Marge Simpson "I just think they're neat" memes except with the labels "The Web" and "Spiders".

Jon: Yeah, I-I mean, are we really so afraid of being… eaten? Of our bodies being all twisted up, i-i-is that… I mean, some people sure, but… how is it one of the fourteen great fears? Gerard: What? You think people are so special it’s only our fear that counts?

Oh my god, the revelation that some of the fears originate from animals just left me open-mouthed when I first heard it. I'd never even considered it and it's SUCH A GENIUS IDEA! IT MAKES TOTAL SENSE! It's an animal fear and it gets extra-super-weird when it hits humans!

Jon: I suppose. And again, when an animalistic fear touches a human… Gerard: You get the Predator’s granddad out there.

Pffft. I love it. Trevor "The Predator's Granddad" Herbert.

Gerard: They… kind of ‘shift’ the world, just enough for the Power to come through. Merge with reality. Some say, or well, they guess, that it could bring other entities through with them.

Oh god, I didn't realise they seeded this idea THIS EARLY ON!

Gerard: Well, think of it this way: right now all the entities have to act like a hunter, they pick off the weak ones around the edges, the ones that wander too close, and the rest of the time they have to just graze on whatever fear we all passively give away. Jon: And if one of the rituals succeeds? Gerard: The world becomes a factory farm.

... gotta hand it to Gerard, his analogies WORK. Perhaps a little too well, that image really hits the target.

Gerard: Said she thought she’d found him. I tracked him down, but it… well, it wasn’t him. (...) It was just some pathetic old man. Couldn’t have been him.

How on earth does Jon maintain enough of a pokerface to not make Gerard suspicious right then. I mean, this is amazing. Gerard kicked the shit out ouf ACTUAL LEITNER ("Three years ago, I made the mistake of spending a full night outside my safehouses. I was almost beaten to death by an angry goth.") and concluded that he couldn't possibly be Leitner because the man responsible for filling so much of his life with fear and misery surely had to be IMPRESSIVE and POWERFUL, not just some whiny old jerk.

My impression of this episode

This episode is very info-dumpy, but somehow it bothered me a lot less than the other info-dump episode (the Leitner episode). Perhaps it's just because I enjoyed Gerard's voice (again expressed personality rather than voice-voice, I feel the need to clarify this every time because it gets confusing when you're talking about a podcast rather than a book) more and also because learning about the fear categories was genuinely a fun revelation. I mean, give me categories to play with and I will absolutely play with the categories! (Me and most of the rest of the fandom...) All in all, it was a fairly skillful info-dump actually, even though it was very clearly a bit dumpy. Aside from the infodump there's also a lot of plot development, though, and Gerard's statement is genuinely interesting. Damn, I feel bad for Gerard, he was just so fucked from the start.

[doing-an-okay-job-miranda]

Vampire Kisses

Part One: AO3 / Tumblr

AO3 link

Masterlist

Warnings: Mentions of Drider!Virgil, Vampire!Patton, Blood Puns/mention, A little insecurity but this fic is mostly just fluff

Summary:

"Patton!" Roman cried out as he bursts through the door of their inn's room "I'm in love!" The prince rushes forward and flings himself on the bed, causing his sweet vampire to laugh as they bounce.

"Again?" Patton's eyes are fond and crinkle up with his smile. "You haven't even been gone for a day."

"It's not my fault there are so many pretty boys!"

Or Roman goes to his Vampire boyfriend to gush about his Spider crush

----------

Patton!" Roman cried out as he bursts through the door of their inn's room "I'm in love!" The prince rushes forward and flings himself on the bed, causing his sweet vampire to laugh as they bounce.

"Again?" Patton's eyes are fond and crinkle up with his smile. "You haven't even been gone for a day." Still, Patton sits up and crosses his legs all too excited to hear who captured his partner's heart.

"It's not my fault there are so many pretty boys!" Roman drapes his arms over his eyes as he sighs loudly, only peeking up when Patton giggles and leans over him. "You should have seen him, I've never seen such purple eyes before. Oh, how all his eyes widened when I called him gorgeous! You'd think no one recognized his beauty before! It's a crime! It's illegal! I will make it illegal and I will-" The prince is cut off by a soft kiss to his lips, the angle is awkward and upside down as Patton leans him but Roman eagerly leans up and smiles against his lover's lips.

Sadly, Patton pulls back before Roman can get to into it but the prince can't find it in his heart to be upset when he looks up at Patton and sees an angel(despite the more 'unholy' nature of Patton's existence but when Patton smiles with his sharp teeth and soft lips how can Roman be anything but reverent?)

"When do you think I could meet this criminally gorgeous man?" Patton snickers and it takes a moment for Roman to even remember what he was talking about before, how on Earth was he supposed to think clearly with Patton being so cute above him?

But then his stomach drops. "Oh, uh-" Patton watches him, a little concern in sparking in his silver eyes as normally Roman wouldn't hesitate to drag the vampire to the next cute boy he found but this situation is a little different.

There are three things working against him.

Spiders. Roman is sure this is only a minor issue, as the cute Drider isn't an actual spider and while Patton may be a little unsettled at first, his darling would never judge anyone on what they were.

The main issues were that his amethyst lived underground. Patton would never be able to enter such an enclosed space without being reminded what the horror he went through, without reliving the feeling of having to dig himself out of his own grave.

"Should I-" Patton hesitates, hand raising to cover his mouth and hide half of his beautiful face. "Should I not meet him?" Roman knows that look in his eyes too well, the sadness of being reminded that Patton isn't human anymore and that such horrible idiots have the nerve to be scared of the purest ball of sunshine Roman has ever met.

Roman sits up quickly to face the vampire. "No, no, my love, that's not why I'm worried. You know that I would never even entertain the idea of someone who couldn't see what an incredible being you are." He rushes to assure, gently taking Patton's hands and pulling them to rest over his heart. "My heart beats for you, my sweet cloud." Roman finds himself smiling as Patton's face flushes up without fail. "I'm just worried because his home is in a burrow and I'm not sure of my ability to coax him out. I never want to risk your comfort."

There's a moment of quiet between them, Roman watches Patton smile return to him, although a bit sadder than before. "That would sure make my blood run cold."

Apparently watching Roman's expression suddenly drop between soft comfort and utter despair is funny because Patton's expression immediately lights up as Roman groans.

"I really appreciate it, your effort isn't in vein!"

"Patton!" The moment is ruined! The prince finds himself flopping back to lay down once more although the effect is lost a little as he lays his head on Patton's lap.

"Oh! Sorry, was that the final nail in the coffin?" Patton runs his fingers through Roman's hair, gently scratching his scalp and making it really hard to stay upset.

Roman lets out a long-suffering sigh before sealing his fate. "It's a bite too much." He mutters out grumpily but it's a hard battle trying to fight off a grin with how ecstatic Patton looks. He quickly loses said battle when Patton leans over to kiss him again, muffling giggles when Roman catches his bottom lip between his teeth.

They lay there for some time, exchanging kisses and filling the breaths in between with rambles of love, either for each other or for Roman's new crush. The prince couldn't be anything but content, only mildly wishing he had a lovely spider boy curled up beside them to share kisses with as well.

"So what is he?" Patton finally asks the fated question as Roman goes into the less human details of his newly beloved.

"Um, well... He's a Drider?" Roman says with a sheepish grin, carefully watching Patton's expression only to get a confused look as Roman figured that Patton has no idea what that is given the fact before his love died he lived in a very human-only town. "Ah, he's um- well, don't repeat this but he's a spider person. Like a centaur but a spider instead of a horse."

"Oh." Patton makes a cute little 'o' with his lips that Roman has to fight the urge to kiss. "No wonder he has you caught like a fly."

"Oh my lord, he could trap me in his web any day." Roman felt his face heat up with the idea but he quickly shoves those down, the Drider hadn't agreed to be courted yet and the prince sure as heck will respect that.

"Does he have a name or should I wait till I meet him to ask?" Many creatures didn't like they're names being given freely as both Patton and Roman have learned but the question makes the prince pause.

"Oh my fucking Lord." Roman's hands shoot to hide his face, ignoring Patton's small chastising for his language. "Patton!" He whines. "I forgot to ask his name!" The prince's ears heat up as he steals a glance through his fingers at Patton, the vampire with a hand over his mouth to hold back laughter. "Don't laugh at me! Patty, I have to wait a week to see him again! How will I survive?!"

Patton barely stifles his snickers but Roman couldn't truly be upset as the vampire twirls a lock of the prince's hair. "It'll be okay, honey. You just need to B positive."

Roman peeked through his fingers slightly, embarrassment fading a little as he was just more confused now. "I'm afraid I don't get that one, love." The way Patton said it made it obvious it was a joke but Roman is stupid and gay right now, thank you very much.

Patton doesn't take offense though, scratching dulled nails softly into Roman's scalp. "B positive is a blood type." He explains but it only adds to his prince's confusion.

"There are- there are types of blood?" When did that happen? Is this just a vampire thing? "What type am I?"

Patton's fingers paused their movement which is a crime in itself. "You're AB positive. Were you not taught this in your schooling? I've had a conversation about it with Remus before."

"Look," Roman's face immediately heats up again with embarrassment but Patton starts playing with his hair again so not all is lost. "I was taught a lot of things I didn't pay attention to." Schooling was so boring and half of it wasn't even useful, why would he even need to know about blood and stuff? He's not a doctor. "All I need to know is how much of a snack I am."

"I don't know if you'll ever compare to my midnight cookies but you're definitely a close second." Patton's giggles fill the air and Roman has to resist the urge to lean up and kiss him, except he doesn't resist at all and gladly bares his red flustered face to the world to steal Patton's lips for a moment.

"Your cookies are amazing, I don't accept second place but they are a respectable foe."

[unabashedrebel]

Top 10 Characters

In no particular order

1) Lara Croft (Tomb Raider) Can I just say that I love how the reboots, both the movie and the new trilogy of games were phenomenal as a long time fan of this character? They did her right. They focused on her origins, how she came to be this mythic Tomb Raider who delves into the greatest mysteries of the world while fighting against an evil Illuminati type organization.

But she always has tenacity. She always has grit. She’s not always sure of herself, or her abilities, but still continues to do it anyways because it’s the right thing to do. Not to mention I love the whole cultured rich girl who gets her hands dirty literally all the time. I’ve loved everything about her characterization in the last few years.

2) Really the entire FF7 cast but; Tifa Lockhart (FF7) Is anyone actually surprised by this one? Look at my blog. It’s pretty Tifa-rific lately. Honestly I have no good excuse for this, I can’t actually trace back what the reason was that started me on really liking her character. Basically because she’s been my video game wife since I was about 10 years old.

I guess, if I really thought about it, I enjoy her realness. She’s an optimist but not fully in your face about it, she promotes kindness, she’s the mom friend. Always looking out for everyone else at the expense of herself. They’re traits that I really admire in people, and you know what? It wouldn’t be a stretch to say that maybe those feelings were in part brought on by a video game character from my childhood. Not only that but I’ve always loved the story thread with her about the conflict she faces in doing what she believes is the right thing, and the fallout that ensues.

Not only that but she’s a fucking badass.

3) Spider-Man (Peter Parker, Marvel) Shout to to the most relatable super-hero ever created. I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that Spider-man is a staple of New York, even if he’s fictional. He’s just... boiled down to that essence of a Queens kid. It’s amazing as someone from around this area.

But seriously, I think I like Peter the most because he really is relatable. He really does worry about the same things I find myself worrying about. He really does shoot out quips like that’s his super power. He really does try and do whats right regardless of what others think. He’s conflicted, he’s unsure of himself, he’s been granted this great power and feels the need to go out and help people with it, and again at great personal expense. He’s, to me? What a hero should be.

I guess I like him so much because I see a lot of myself in him. I can relate and put myself in those shoes. I can relate my experiences to his, and i’m not talking about getting bit by a radioactive spider. I’m talking about the human side to Peter Parker. His stresses when he’s out of the tights.

4) Geralt of Rivia (The Witcher, and again I love all the characters Geralts just tops. Ciri was a close second.) Yeah, yeah call me out and say ‘someone just binged’. YOU KNOW WHAT MAYBE I DID FOR THE SECOND TIME YOU CANT STOP ME.

Seriously though. For a character who does not like being social? Geralt is so beautifully written for. Fun fact, I haven’t actually played the games save for the half way through 2 and the intro to 3. But I read the first novel and I’m working my way through the second, and Geralt? He’s a man of few words. But when he does speak? Everybody fucking listens.

5) Kassandra (AC: Odyssey) Uhhhh, first women to win the wrestling Olympics? How could I not.

As a long time fan of Assassins Creed and the wonderfully written characters that I have been lucky enough to get to know as protagonists? Kassandra takes the cake. She was blunt, sassy, smart, and took nobodies shit. Forever has she branded the word Misthios in my head with that Greek twang. To the point where I get excited when I hear it.

Maybe it was a mix of being in the Ancient Greek world with her, another one of my favorites. But there was just something about her character that stuck out to me. Something I haven’t seen in their writing since Ezio.

6) Joel (The Last of Us) How the fuck could I not love the gruff and sad dad?

Dude the characters in this game were so insanely well done. Like you could literally tell that, besides the fact that it was an amazingly fun game? The dev team TRULY cared about the story, the reception, and the buildup.

Lets be real. That first scene with him when everything starts is about as heartbreaking as it comes. It sets you up to really accept that this man has lost everything, that he no longer cares about anything but survival, because he’s already learned that when you care? Those things can be easily taken away.

He’s cold. He’s quick. He’s capable. He’s ignorant to everyone else. Right up until he meets Ellie and that little girl begins to peel back the layers and show that Joel, under it all, is actually a pretty good guy who has been dealing with his trauma by building up walls.

All and all? I would recommend anyone playing this game just to see the transition of Joel. Ellie, as well, by no small measure. But Joel’s growth was one of my favorite things to ever watch unfold in a game.

7) Revan (Star Wars) Okay so I know this ones a bit obscure. He was actually featured as a protagonist of one of Star War, in my opinion, best roleplaying games. 

Basically I love this character because I think he actually GETS the whole thing. The cults. He doesn’t really subscribe to either of them, rather he’s used them to further his own goals. Which you know, as an RPG you get to chose, usually I like to chose he did what he did for the right reasons. Because the Jedi were failing the people they had to protect. Because he couldn’t stand by and watch a war be fought while they deliberated what to do. He never fully reasoned with the Sith, and as far as I knew didn’t quite care to share their extremist values. Frankly, he’s by far been the best representation to what I feel is a very opinionated debate in Star Wars: Why chose either side? They both suck in their own ways.

He saw passed all that, started a movement, started a war of ideologies when the universe was still young enough to hear those kinds of debates play out.

His story will forever be one of my absolute favorites in Star Wars.

8) Ahsoka Tano (Star Wars) If you haven’t watched the Clone Wars animated series and you’re a fan of Star Wars? What the fuck are you doing. This character alone is enough to justify the 7 season watch.

The Padawan of Anakin Skywalker. How can that go wrong, right? Actually, Ahsoka is one of the reasons I began to like Anakin in the first place. The whole series shows a different side to characters we love, honestly, you got to see Anakin be the best Jedi general anyone had ever seen. You got to see him train this young woman into an incredible Jedi, and honestly? The younger sister relationship that Ahsoka has with Anakin is just so well done.

But beyond that there’s so much to love about Ahsoka. If you haven’t caught the theme, I really do love strong characters who still have flaws. Who still have a lot to learn. Who make mistakes. But even after she had, never once did Ahsoka give up on what she believed in. Her values, in the end, proving to be stronger to her then the values instilled by the Jedi, even if they aligned.

My favorite thing is that you got to see her journey, literally from a learning padawan to a fully fledged Jedi badass. 

If we don’t get an Ahsoka series on Disney+ I’m gonna be pissed.

9) Nathan Drake (Uncharted) Cheeky rogue with a heart of gold that often gets by on sheer luck alone.

Need I say more?

10) Tanjiro Kamado (Demon Slayer) Okay, so don’t really expect many people to know this one.This character is the main protagonist in an anime that has literally taken all my attention. From the animation, to the story, to the undeniable ways in inspires me to write Sori.

Tanjiro, perhaps, is the driving force behind this. I just love this kid okay? He started out as NOTHING. Literally, nothing. He fought against overwhelming odds, knowing full well he would die, to save his sister. And in that moment? The person he was fighting let him go. He then sent him down the path of becoming a demon slayer.

This kid, who as far as I know was part of a large family of commoners gave everything he had to training his body to fight demons. Every time he stumbled, he found the strength to continue. He never gives up. He learns, he thinks, he’s a smart kid with this absolute bottomless well of determination.

I don’t want to ruin the plot of the anime too much because honestly this has been my favorite thing since Dragonball Super. You should go watch it. I promise you will understand right off the bat why I love this character so much.

I was tagged by: @serelia-evensong​ @safrona-shadowsun

Gonna tag: @draenei-tales​ @wildname​ @zeehva​ @ravensteel​ @fair-fae​ @monster-of-master​ @palaceofthedeadmemes​ @zariasilverleaf​ @starforger​ @asharinhun​ 

I’m also not sorry this is a long post. How dare you ask me to talk about shit I love.

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

Does Spider-Man NEED to be in a shared universe?

As of right now it seems as though Peter Parker is going to be out of the MCU and in his own entirely separate universe.

Most people have reacted negatively to this and one of the most frequently cited reasons for that is the inability of Spider-Man to interact with the wider MCU.

We can talk a lot about whether from a production and audience interest POV, there is any steam behind the idea of Spider-Man in his own separate universe again.

However I want to take a different angle with this and talk more broadly about the character rather than strictly just the movies.

Essentially I want to address whether or not Spider-Man truly NEEDS to be in a shared Marvel Universe at all or not?

Now look I’m not advocating Spider-Man pull a Transformers or ROM Space Knight and be pulled out of the Marvel Universe.

Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut from a creative POV strictly speaking...he really, really, really does not NEED to be in that universe.

There are advantages and disadvantages to that.

In a shared Marvel Universe Peter operates as the ‘heart’ of that universe as was the intention with Civil War 2006. He also has close ties to the F4, the First Family of the Marvel Universe and to Captain America who is more or less THE leader of the whole Marvel universe. His kinship with Daredevil in particular is a joy to behold and has rarely been used badly. His status as an outsider in the eyes of the more publically accepted Marvel heroes like the Avengers offers a great parallel to his initial life as an outsider in high school and helps to highlight part of Lee and Ditko’s conceit with the character, that he was atypical of the heroes who’d come before him.

On the other hand though...The Marvel Universe of the comics at least demands a shitton of suspension of disbelief because you have all this huge concepts co-existing with one another but also within a context of trying to keep the world relatively similar to our own, the world outside your window.

Sooner or later though this presents a challenge to the suspension of disbelief for guys like Spider-Man who’re not merely supposed to exist in a world relatively like our own with heroes, but in fact be relatively normal within it besides the fact that they are heroes.

But if Spider-Man is a superhero, lives in a world of heroes, and has interacted with so many of them inevitably you have to wilfully ignore the obvious facts that so many of his relatable problems in life could be fixed through the fantastical elements of the universe he lives in and is aware of.

Just one example would be if Aunt May was dying there would be at least half a dozen solutions to that problem. Magic, clones, suspended animation, time travel, healing factors, transferring her mind to a robotic body, extra terrestrial medical care and if all else fails resurrection and higher deities are a fact of life in the Marvel Universe and Peter knows it.

Now the way around this stuff is, in the context of the story you are telling, to simply treat such things as not existing and thus side step the issue.

Suspension of disbelief might stretch to ignoring all the older appearances of Reed Richards or Doctor Strange in Spider-Man’s history, but if they show up in an issue where Aunt May’s death is also a factor then having Peter ignore their abilities to obviously help is nonsensical.

All of this is leading me to saying that, for the most part, Spider-Man is actually able to be MORE realistic and cohesive if in his own isolated universe than if he is in the same universe as magicians and aliens.

When you watch the Raimi movies or the Spec cartoon you never really have to scratch your head over why Spider-Man couldn’t just do this or that to solve his problems because other than his own fairly grounded cast and villains those other solutions don’t exist.

Even having other heroes exist but still be fairly grounded presents problems as you always have to ignore or contrive a reason for their lack of help when Spider-Man needs it.

Moving on, let’s talk about Spider-Man’s ability to team up with other heroes.

Of course there have been whole ongoing series specifically about that...and they mostly suck.

Don’t believe me?

Okay, ask yourselves this, how many New Avengers, Avengers, Marvel Team Up, Avenging Spider-Man or Superior Spider-Man Team-Up stories starring Spider-Man make it into most top 10 or even top 20 Spider-Man stories of all time?

Not many if any at all.

How many of the top 10-20 Spidey stories could be regarded as team ups, as in Spider-Man himself is actively interacting with figures from the wider Marvel universe as opposed to people introduced in his own series? And we aren’t talking cameos either.

Again, not that many.

ASM #1 perhaps.

Nothing Can Stop the Juggernaut, but that’s just giving Spider-Man someone to fight he’s not really teaming up with anyone, a juiced up Rhino could’ve done basically the same thing.

The Alien Costume Saga arguably

The Death of Jean DeWolff

Spider-Man vs. Wolverine.

Spider-Man/Human Torch

MAYBE ASM #500, though that was mostly a background feature a means to an end (sending Spidey time travelling) that could’ve been achieved by numerous other means.

Arguably the first Carnage story though that was also a background feature, the main focus was Spidey fighting Carnage and teaming up with Venom.

...I honestly can’t think of any more off the top of my head.

You see what I mean. Sure, providing villains for Peter to fight is a real advantage the wider Marvel Universe holds for Spider-Man but actually milking great stories from his ability to interact with other heroes, not so much.

In fact Daredevil and the Human Torch or F4 are the most reliable examples of Spider-Man team ups working out but not for nothing there are quite a few similarities between them and Peter.

It doesn’t help most of these stories happened so Marvel could grant exposure to lesser selling characters by having them show up with their A-list hero.

I think more significantly the reason there are so few great Spider-Man team up stories is because of the core concept powering Spider-Man as a character and a lot of his appeal.

He was created in large part to be the hero who could be you, the average joe, the character for whom Peter Parker and his regular life was as much, if not MORE, of a draw than the superheroics of Spider-Man.

The nature of superhero team ups though are that they emphasis the costumed identities over civilian identities. This is a limitation of page space a lot of the time, but it’s also because the characters look iconic when they are dressed in their outfits and seeing them together in their outfits is really the main ticket draw of team up stories. How many people want to see Cap, Iron Man and Spider-Man interacting but it’s just in their civilian identities? Not many I’d wager, it wouldn’t make for a very eye catching cover that’s for sure.

The end result is that at best you focus upon an explore merely one half of who these characters are (and in Peter’s case it is arguably the less interesting half) or it becomes incredibly generic, it’s just heroes with different outfits, powers, maybe speech patterns hitting each other or hitting bad guys together with no exploration of their personalities bouncing off of one another.

And hey that is fine as a change of pace but not as the default setting, hence MTU usually was the lesser of the Spider-Man titles.

If you look at most of the team up stories I listed, noticeably all of them DO explore who the characters (or at least Peter) are and involve a lot of page time to them out of costume, their personal lives and such.

This brings us back to Spidey’s appeal. Like I said a huge part of it is his regular life and a huge part of what makes that appealing is his personal life dramas with his amazing supporting cast. He is said to have the best supporting cast in comics and that’s absolutely true, but when combined with one of the best rogue’s galleries in comics is it any wonder he was so successful?

Because Spider-Man has such a robust group of characters to interact with in both his identities his world is already pretty populated and can already do a lot of character exploration. And honestly when you have so many options to explore the human condition in a way so similar to the lives we lead are you really worse off if you can’t also have Spider-Man go on wacky adventures to the Negative Zone too? Are you really going to tell me that any of the psychedelic crazy scenes from Doctor Strange 2016 are as impactful or as meaty as May and Peter just talking at a table in Spider-Man 2?

 Whether in the movies or in other media so long as Spider-Man has supporting cast and a strong villain pool to explore he’s got a universe to play in no matter what. This isn’t the case for a lot of Marvel heroes. Iron Man for instance does not have a great rogue’s gallery or villain pool, it’s why in every TV adaptation of the character he is either lumped in with other heroes so that collectively they have a lot on offer or in his solo shows the wider Marvel Universe plays a significant part. In Iron man’s 1990s cartoon Force Works were regular characters, in Iron man Armored Adventures Nick Fury and SHIELD were recurring characters and the finale of the show involved them, Black Panther, Hawkeye, Black Widow, Hulk and others working together. The consistency of this with Iron Man points to his own series not being able to sustain itself without the wider Marvel Universe to support it.

 In contrast the majority of Spider-Man adaptations (which are much more numerous than any other Marvel character’s) either don’t feature characters outside his own series or they are relatively minimal. Even the 1994 Spider-Man cartoon which did feature a lot of guest characters and even did a Secret Wars adaptation, didn’t have most of it’s episodes involving guest stars.

 To return to the topic of Spider-Man’s concept and appeal, because the character was supposed to be more realistic and relatable, smaller scale more street level stories have been the preference by writers and fans and indeed his most celebrated outings have usually been cut from that cloth; even a lot of the well regarded team ups.

Because of this doing more personal stories works better for the character and a wider Marvel universe hurts that. Having Spidey be the ONLY hero in NYC and the scale be citywide creates if anything much greater dramatic impact in a story than saving the world or saving the universe. Big fish in a small pond situation I guess you could say.

Finally I’d add that Ditko himself didn’t really care for Spider-Man being in a wider universe.

In conclusion the notion that it would be inherently bad for Spider-Man to be ‘stuck in a smaller’ universe not connected to anything else is wrongheaded.

At best it simply offers some advantages but also some disadvantages.

However you wanna slice it though it’s absolutely not something Spider-Man NEEDS

[deniigi]

There’s a tornado coming towards my town and we’re all huddled in shelters. Got anything lying around to distract me?

I sure fucking do now!

I’ll give you two, here’s the first under the cut. I wrote it today, it’s basically Matthew Murdock’s Steps for How to Make a Family:

How to Make a Family

By Matt Murdock

Step 1. Have a dad.

Step 2. Lose your dad. Bemiserable. Great job, everyone. We’re doing amazing so far.

Step 3. Attempt to find areplacement dad.

Step 4. Fail abysmally.Like, make that shit stunning. Literally ruin your life for the rest of alleternity. Make yourself physically unlovable by all potential foster families,church members, and living humans. Don’t worry if you get tripped up by thisstep, you can repeat this one as many times as it takes for you to learn agoddamn lesson, but be equally warned: you will not learn that goddamn lesson.

Step 5. Go to law schoolbecause fuck it, why the hell not?

Step 6: fall in stupid,hopeless love with your roommate

Step 7: do not account forthe fact that the roommate maybe loves you back. Fuck no. REPRESS. THAT. SHIT.

Step 8. No longer repressthat shit. Accept the roommate. Embrace the roommate. Maybe drunkenly kiss theroommate and then make extraordinarily poor decisions with the roommateinvolving, at least at first, truly horrendous sex on a twin-sized bed.

Step 9. Meet your soulmatein the form of a tiny, angry woman set up to ruin your life by the first faileddad figure.

Step 10. Do not commit murder.

Step 11. Wave goodbye toyour soulmate and sob helplessly on your roommate. Don’t worry. Roomie ain’tgoing anywhere. Cling to this because it is the only thing you’ve got going foryou for the next three years.

Step 12. Have a fuckloadof casual and unhealthy relationships.

Step 13. Graduate.Accidently make a nemesis out of your roommate’s girlfriend who knows more thanhe does and possibly you do that you would do anything to be with the roommate.Including steal him from a perfectly respectable internship with a perfectlyrespectable job offer at the end of it.

Step 14. Set up a lawfirm.

Step 15. Acquire a client.This is family member #2. You will now kill for her. Congratulations.

Step 16. Attempt tosemi-murder some Russians

Step 17. Get found by yourroommate!!

Step 18. Get abandoned byyour roommate!! Well done, everyone, we are back down to one family member.Let’s hope nothing bad happens to them!!

Step 19. Get re-found byyour roommate!! Attempt to make up. Lie a lot about being better and morehonest in future. That’ll show ‘em.

Step 20. Become aterrorist?? Maybe skip this step if possible.

Step 21. Make anintentional nemesis of the Punisher. Congratulations! You have found familymember #3! It doesn’t matter if you don’t fucking want him, he’s yours now,baby!

Step 22. Ruin everyone inyour family’s lives with a botched trial! Break up with the Roommate. Cut tieswith family member #2. Do not fuck her.

Step 23. Re-kindle yoursexual relationship with your soulmate. Oh, by the way, she’s back. We’re goingto call her family member #4 now, ‘cause she’s harder to kill than a fuckingcockroach.

Step 24. Make the mistakeof allowing The Punisher (nemesis) and the soulmate to join forces.

Step 25: Just fuckingmurder your soulmate. Do it, you coward. Yeah, suffer them consequences, youpiece of shit.

Step 26. Get smashed. Getangry. Go out and nigh-eviscerate some folks. Don’t worry, you’ve got a couplemonths for this step/spiral.

Step 27. Trip over theSpider. Menace him. Say it’s his fault. Ignore all apologies and tell theSpider to get and keep the fuck out of your city or else. That’ll fix him.

Step 28. Go on anotherbender. Drink too much. Forget to eat. It’s fine, you’re not alone, you’llalways have the Devil to talk to.

Step 29. Accidently kickthe Spider in the head. Realize now that the Spider is approximately 12 yearsold and you just kicked him in the fucking head. Holy fuck, you fucking disgrace.You fucking child abuser. You are no better from your sensei, not evenan iota.

Step 30. Feel bad.

Step 31. Go on, you ain’tdone yet. I’ll tell you when to fucking stop.

Step 32. Orchestrateanother trip over the Spider. Do it gently this time. Make the same kind offuss but, when his voice does the horrible wavering thing, clear yours andannounce obnoxiously that there’s only one thing to do to stop this and its toteach the Spider how to fight properly.

Congratulations! You have foundfamily member #5! Aw, he’s so happy. Oh wow, he’s still talking.

Jesus fuck. He’s stilltalking.

Step 33. Meet Deadpool.Make tracks. You are an idiot, but not that kind of idiot.

Step 34. Meet Deadpool.Nearly die. Admit that Deadpool might have just saved your goddamn life.Reflect. Reflect. Reflect.

Step 35. Accidently set afoot outside HK and find yourself in the crossfire between a load of morons,Deadpool and the Spider. Do what you do best. Bask in the awe and approval ofthe giant man and the Spider afterwards.

Step 36. Get charmed ontoa team.

Wait. What?

Step 37.  Investigate: why the fuck is the Spidercrying? Who has made the Spider so distraught? He is 12. 15, whatever. Theymust die, whoever they are.

Eliminate the threat. Maybe, sortof, kind of, give away your identity. It’s fine, it’s a mutual exchange. Hisname’s Peter Parker.

Step 38. Alright, a bigstep made up of many little ones, so stick with me. In the absence of reliablesupervision, make shit decisions. Drink too much. Work too much. Sleep never. FuckDeadpool. Yeah, go on. We all knew it was going to happen with your goddamntrack record, pal. Kind of make up with the Roommate and family member #2. Moreor less get back onto speaking terms with them. Hire an office coordinator andan intern for the summer. But most importantly, meet a tiny angry woman with ascarf. Guess what! She’s family member #6. Hey, y’all are mutual functionalalcoholics. Drink to that, babes.

Step 39. Fuck, there’smore. Okay, well. You’ve always wanted a weird brother. Two weird brothers. Oneweird brother and one big, grumpy brother. Oh, yeah. That’s fine. That’s cool.Let’s call them family members #7 and #8.

Damn, it’s getting kind ofcrowded in here.

Step 40. Hey, so. Dunno ifyou’ve noticed with all the bad decision-making things going on, but Deadpool justwent on a bender with you and brought you home at the end of it. He’s kind ofcool with your whole deal with the Roommate. So, that kind of makes him yourbiggest, weirdest family member. So, welcome #9 to the family.

Step 41. THE SOULMATE ISBACK. Girl, did we miss you!! Yeah, totally go out with her to the bottom of apit. That’s safe.

Step 42. Die.

Step 43. Wake up. That’sright, sleeping beauty. Death is still too kind for the likes of you. Hey, bythe way, this lady? You know her and guess what??? She’s been your fuckin’ momthis whole damn time. Congrats, you’ve found family member generation 1, #2.But now, since you are a fucking self-absorbed, suicidal piece of shit, let’scall her family member #10. Or hell, maybe family member #1, since you’ve lostliterally everything you’ve ever worked for and which ever mattered to you.Hell, yeah. Since you’re gonna die like an idiot soon anyways, why the fuck notstart over?

Hello family member #1. Nice tofinally make your acquaintance. Give us a few days to shake off the shock andwe’ll be right with you.

Step 44. Get the fuck backon the rails. Say thank you and I’m sorry to your goddamn mother, for fuck’ssake, she’s been here the whole damn time.

Step 45. Wake the fuck upand appreciate that the Spider and Deadpool and Jessica and Danny and Luke wereall worried as fuck about you. Feel ashamed for that. Bad dog, no biscuit.

Step 46. Celebrate acouple holidays with the guys.

Step 47. Nearly lose thekid, once to Stark, then once to the city.

That’s your baby brother. Yeah,it’s normal to not stop shaking sometimes.

Step 48. The Roommateloves you, you asshole. He and family member #2 want to start up a new firm.Yeah, it’s pretty great, but don’t cry though, ya moron. People are around.

Step 49. Wake up onemorning and realize that your family looks like the following:

Slightly-estrangedbut well-meaning mother

Best friend withthe great hair and a nose for trouble

Frank fuckingCastle (whether you want him or not)

A highlyfunctional alcoholic who thinks you’re funny but won’t admit it

The strangelittle cult-brother

The strangecult-brother’s girlfriend

Your nursefriend who you fucking failed to appreciate earlier, you shithead

The big,sometimes grumpy bullet-proof brother

Your secretary

A spider

The Spider’s mom

The Spider’sbest friend

The Spider’sother best friend/your intern

The merc with amouth

His cat

Your soulmate

Yourroommate/best friend/life partner

And your dad, youfucking moron, he’s been with you in your heart this whole time.

Step 50. Rinse and repeatthe relevant/applicable steps from 1 to 49 for those persons who seem more orless worth it for the foreseeable future.

[sexlessrpmemes]

Call me Kevin quotes

’Call Me Kevin’ quotes, because this man is funny (and deserves more subscribers), and half of what he says is pure gold, and a lot of it works really well, for starters/ask memes:

Brackets like [] are for things that make sense to be replaced by a name, either of the character being spoken to or of another character.

{TEXT} are for things that could work well for being sent as a text

Sims 4 But My Restaurant Is To Die For:

‘does no one care? dude’s on fire yo IF only anyone cared, my plan would be perfect.“

“Sorry dude *nervous laughter/normal laughter* I hate to bring this realization to ya like this.”

’'don’t interact with me, go away.”

“yeah, i know, he’s dying, i don’t care, he was only meant to be a distraction anyway.”

{TEXT} “yES, my introduction made her leave, as soon as i introduced myself she’s like: i don’t really want to be around this guy.’'

’'YES! THE DISCO SYSTEM IS MINE - and had a great price; it only cost one human life.”

“maybe i should buy a boat.”

“[they/we/I] don’t even sell drinks… you can’t even wash down your death meal.”

“food quality: normal, oh wait.. no that was the water.”

“i want to be the last thing they hear (before they die; me, playing) on this piano.”

“i forgot i have a kid here.”

“I always feel like he’s up to something… I just – he’s thinking about something evil.”

“Why do they even got this old dude running the party? It should be this old dude running the party.”

“Oh! I have an idea!” *proceeds to set a person/thing on fire*

“Why are you laughing?!” *realises it’s about someone’s death* “Oh, I like [her/him/you/them]” *laughter*

“Plus, no-one’s in there so I can get away with it scot-free.”

{TEXT} “Well, now everyone’s come inside and they’re all just watching me do this now… they’re happy about it for some reason though.”

{TEXT}“Oh, no, they’re not so happy about it anymore.”

“Wait, what? What’s wrong with you – oh, yeah, I turned them all into vampires! Of course.”

“HEY! Get down behind the counter, people can see that you’re not wearing pants!”

“[He] takes everyone’s food for no reason. [He] doesn’t even need it – [he’s] a vampire!”

“Jesus, I pay [that guy] $2 an hour…”

“This is actually a huge, generous act I’m doing here; paying [him] at all.”

“If they eat the poisonous meal, and then I drink their blood… am I poisoned?”

“I don’t even try with this stuff, it just kinda happens.”

“Sorry [folks], I hope this inconsiderate bastard dying didn’t ruin your day.”

Bad Cooking: Baked Alaska:

“Join me, on this great adventure, as we pre-heat the oven.”

“Sometimes I just eat a whole stick of unsalted butter.”

“This is about the daily recommended dose of butter. You should be getting this into your system at least every… five hours.”

“It doesn’t matter, that step isn’t important.”

“Spoiler… it actually is… very important.”

“This is a special irish plastic lemon… they’re ah, quite rare.”

“Ah! Oh! Shit, stop!” *Pause.* “its fine. It doesn’t matter.”

“It really, really matters.”

“FECK! Every time…”

“I’ve never seen a cake look this good!” *shakes the tin.* “It… kinda jiggles a bit.”

“I call this the T-Rex Technique.”

“It’s as easy as that. Wow!” ß intended as sarcasm.

“This is the saddest cake I’ve ever seen.”

“This isn’t gonna work. This is gonna be bad, I know it is. I know it’s gonna be bad.”

“That sound is fine. That sound is supposed to happen… the sizzlin’.”

*is holding a fire extinguisher* *notices [you]* “Oh! It’s fine. We won’t be needing that. We’re just gonna be lighting some whiskey on fire.”

“Wow! [name] that looks great! That looks amazing!” ß intended as sarcasm.

“You’re not supposed to look at me. That’s supposed to be someone else.”

“Please don’t fall apart please don’t fall apart please don’t fall apart please don’t fall apart – It’s falling apart, wait, hold on.”

“Oh yes. Here we go. I feel like making a sand castle.”

“You could argue that it doesn’t look exactly like as in the picture. But I would say better – some would say better. I – I would say better.”

“Now we just need to light it on fire.”

“Realistically, it should be lit on fire. It’s the only –“ *laughs* “-It’s the only reasonable thing to do.”

“That’s not – that’s not gonna survive going the other way, so that’s how it is now.”

*drinks straight from whiskey bottle.*

*pours whiskey into saucepan/whatever it’s a thing on the hob* “Why are you backing away? WHY ARE YOU BACKING AWAY??” *suppressed laughter.”

“The [Meringue] was the downfall, that’s where it went wrong. As opposed to the rest, that – that went fine. That was great.”

“Okay. Well. That went well.”

Superhot VR But I’m More Like Super Not:

“Alright, let’s get started, I’m gonna… pick up, the gun.”

“And everything goes to hell right away.”

“So I can keep moving, do the ol’… roly-poly, and then shoot him. Easy.”

“Don’t shoot me, don’t shoot me!” *takes gun.* “Aha!”

“I’m just gonna stand here, I like the compliments.”

“Holy crap this is awesome! Floppy discs are back!”

“Oh god, I’m sorry, that was a bit unfair.” *saw you and shot you.*

“I smashed my wall so hard that I cut my hand. You should’a seen the wall though. I’m like… really really strong.”

“So this is what it’s like to feel cool. It’s pretty awesome, but disappointing to know I’ll never actually be this cool.”

“This is a nice bike shop, now that I look around. They don’t have many models, though, feels like a bit of wasted space.”

“Why am I throwing ninja stars? I have guns.”

“I am not a ninja. I am an action hero. Not. A. Ninja.”

“I need ninja stars now, all of a sudden.”

“That was probably a low blow anyway. It’s probably best I fail that part.”

“Like everything else I love in life, it disintegrated in my hand.”

“I don’t know why I just tried to catch a knife… by the sharp end.”

“Well I’m not gonna get a long life. Or maybe I will!”

“Once again, I am prepared for everything.”

“I had to look around me, because I was like, ‘this is the moment something comes behind me.’”

“I’ll just swat away their bullets like they’re just flies.”

“So maybe I’m actually a super villain as opposed to a super hero. I could believe that.”

Deathly Hallows Part 1 but we frustratingly finish the game:

“What the hell – what’s going on – why are you shooting at me?!”

“Wait – this is where we choose to camp; in this nuclear waste?!” *laughingly incredulous*

“Okay, fair enough… I mean, we were in a lovely forest but, I prefer nuclear reactors too.”

“I’d love to be able to count the days of two weeks on my hands.”

“Alright, you’re – apparently freed, now? I’m – not really sure how…”

“Like, do we not have anyone else that’s out here tryn’a help people? I mean, I’ve got a pretty important mission no-one else can do, can I not be doing that instead?”

“Oh my god, this guy’s strong, they’re just reflecting off him!”

“I’m just gonna keep running, it’s honestly not worth fighting from my experience.”

“Oh, this is the one that doesn’t sound as fun.”

“Oh. It’s just a newspaper. I thought it’d be like, a weapon.”

“That makes me sad, for numerous reasons.” *laughingly, but serious.*

“I’m not undesirable, lots of people desire me.” *mulish.* *pause.* “Alright, I lied, no-one does.”

“My god, he looks eerie as hell.”

“That doesn’t even look like what she’s saying, look at her lips. I think she’s possessed… Let’s kill her.”

“I’m not tryn’a be mean or anything, I know I just sound like a dick.”

“This is a lot of people to dedicate to just watching over my grave. Wait – my grave? No, my parents’ grave, my grave comes later.”

“Are you sure? It’s not like, obvious, at all.” ß sarcasm.

“That’s actually spooky as hell, not gonna lie.”

“Y’know, the house is just exploding… casual old lady stuff.”

*laughs* “I think I just got head-butted by a snake.”

“How many times am I gonna get head-butted? And how strong’s that snake’s head; he keeps head-butting me through walls.”

“Oh! Finally! You realise something’s amiss!”

“Here. Now you’re free. If you could help me, that’d be great.”

“Like anytime I kill people they drop like, random potions, and I keep wanting to drink them, but I don’t know, it seems dangerous.”

“At least he sounded thankful, the others just seem to go like ‘oh, cheers.’”

“Thank god the dead don’t know how to use stairs.”

“Like, what are you even doing? One, they’re not coming in, and two, you’re hitting the wall.”

“Sometimes you just gotta live with the consequences of your actions, y’know? [I] can’t always come save you. Even if [I] do have a bazooka.”

“Yeah, I think so too! Please!”

“Let’s see if you can handle it, then.”

“Oh. Okay, maybe you can.”

“Let’s choose the worst possible place we can find.”

“I mean, it’s nice and all, but it’s no nuclear waste, am I right?”

“Spiders I just ignore. Because they’re losers, and they have too many legs.”

“Is he following me? Or, is this following him? Either way, he’s got a lotta hazards to deal with, because I am not dealing with any of them.”

“Ah, thanks for just standing there.”

“I’m just gonna start nuking these snakes.”

“What are you doing?”

“Yeah, I think we can beat the rock.”

“Yeah but you don’t need to scream or – or do anything, to be honest, I think you’ve just won by being human.”

“The only thing good about this is hearing [] in pain. That’s the only thing that keeps me going.”

“Don’t bother attacking them buddy. They’re already dead. Just like my love for you…”

“Oh come on now don’t exaggerate, I was fine. [] just kinda stood there.”

“You’ve changed since you came back, [], you used to just be pathetic… now you’re pathetic and mean.”

“Why does [] have all these dead people in [] front yard?”

“Now even the guy try’na explode the side of the house isn’t hurting me.”

“What?! We didn’t even do anything, we just [exploded] and [died!]”

“You had about ten minutes to figure out who I was in that fight.”

“Yeah, just shout my name. Really makes messing up my face worth it, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah I’m gonna blow this house apart.”

“Ah, this is gonna be traumatic, isn’t it?”

[sweetasssuga]

Yoonkook Fic Recs

personal favorites = ♡

new additions = ϟ

flower boys by siderum [3k] [not rated]

“it was pretty,” namjoon protests, trying to defend himself. “and it was a gift from a fan. wouldn’t she have been troubled to have to take it home?”

“and you brought it back to let it die?” yoongi interjects, dry as sand. he rises to his feet, dusting off his jeans. “you gonna take care of it, namjoonie?”

“how hard can it be,” namjoon says, but he sounds hesitant, like he knows his own annihilatory powers will trump his determination. “it’s a small plant. it needs water, sunlight, and air. we can provide all of those. piece of cake.”

(yoongi and jungkook take care of a plant together.)

bergen, 4:30 a.m. by bellamees [3k] [mature] 

“its coming of age day, hyung. i’m allowed to be reckless.”

wind chimes by ial [3.8k] [teen] 

so, that: that is the bottom line. they’re just roommates.

(yoonkook, one apartment and lousy communication.)

you and me are like peaches and cream by wormkun [4k] [general audiences] 

where jungkook is the new employee at the ice cream shop where yoongi works, and yoongi really, really didn't ask for any of this.

(or, jungkook is pretty and yoongi is weak)

Pitch Perfect by paperorchids [4k] [teen] ϟ

Yoongi doesn’t do well with heat.

It makes him sweaty and flushed and irritable, all things any sane human would be thoroughly repulsed by.

But unfortunately for him, Jeon Jeongguk is not a sane human by any means.

you and me (we're poetry) by stxrlight [5k] [teen] ϟ

“—and I just… wanted to stay here. If that’s okay.” Jungkook’s eyes drop to the floor, pink dusted over his cheeks.

This, then, is the first time Yoongi is hit with startling clarity: that somewhere along the line, without him even realizing— he started taking just as much comfort in Jungkook’s presence as Jungkook does with him.

(or: the moments in which yoongi falls in love)

All Of You by dreamingdaegu [5k] [mature] 

Jungkook's on a mission. Yoongi's confused.

Just a short, sweet and silly yoonkook.

mi casa (with you i'mma feel rich) by 24sevenheaven [5k] [not rated] 

jimin hands the fair employee a few dollars, and so does taehyung—but when jungkook does, the man stops him.

"only two per car," the man says, and jungkook's stomach literally drops out of his body and onto the pavement.

(or: in which yoongi and jungkook are both third wheels at the fair, jungkook's scared of heights, and the ferris wheel is more than a little faulty.)

magic show by fruitily [5.6k] [teen]

“what happened? why are we running away? oh, my god, did you try to flirt and it went badly so you killed him?”

“sit down,” yoongi begs as he steers out of the parking lot, “no, i didn’t fucking kill him.” he tightens his grip around the wheel and takes a deep breath. “i have to find out if i can afford a cat. then i have to find out everything about taking care of a cat.”

“holy shit,” seokjin says, amazed, “this jungkook is powerful. i think he could’ve sold you like fifteen tarantulas, or an entire alpaca farm.”

or: jungkook works at a pet shop. yoongi is just here to get a damn fish.

color in your cheeks (the feeling flows both ways) by siderum [6k] [explicit] 

yoongi and jungkook get put together in a hotel room for the next tour.

just the two of them.

i want it, this love by stxrlight [6k] [teen] ϟ

“Why don’t you just ask him out?”

Jungkook lifts his entire body off the couch to turn and stare at Taehyung in disbelief. Taehyung’s expression remains impassive, as if he hadn’t just done the verbal equivalent of throwing a punch right into Jungkook’s gut.

“He’s my roommate.” Jungkook hisses. “This is literally the number one thing on the list of what not to do with your roommate.”

(or: yoonkook are roommates. cue the crises)

do you ever wonder if the stars shine out for you by sugaretreat [6k] [explicit] 

Four months ago, Yoongi had caught Jeongguk’s hand before he’d reached out to touch him and told him we can’t, but Jeongguk said please and Yoongi had broken, broken as he always did when Jeongguk touched him like that, gentle and reverent. Four months ago, Yoongi had told him no more than this, no one can know and Jeongguk had agreed.

(Min Yoongi finds he has feelings too big for his heart and can't quite put them into words. We need to talk about it, he thinks, only they never do. Jeongguk, on the other hand, has never needed to talk about it.)

the weather in busan by fruitily [6.7k] [teen] ♡

on sundays, jungkook listens to a strange little radio show while painting and may or may not be slightly in love with a voice.

on sundays, yoongi and taehyung host a strange little radio show out of the back of their van while fighting about things like maps and portable coffee makers and yoongi has no idea whether his voice is reaching anyone

until they get lost in busan.

(the universe has moved for us) by 777335 [7.1k] [teen]

It’s a pretty dream, Jeongguk decides. He will stay here in this pretty dream and listen while Yoongi tells Jeongguk pretty things. Listen to the rough low of Yoongi’s voice, slurred and heavy with dialect because he’s tired, thick like syrup. Jeongguk wants to eat the way Yoongi sounds, taste Yoongi’s words, get his lips sticky with them, roll them around in his mouth like hard candies, suck on them, let the sweetness of every syllable rest on his tongue.

l'heure bleue by pursuit [8k] [mature] 

“i can’t sleep.”

or; yoongi is definitely weak.

Five Years by Holyhoseok [8k] [teen] ϟ

"I'm guessing you're Jungkook, right?" Yoongi asks with a hint of amusement as he avoids Jimin's and Taehyung's piercing gaze. It takes Jungkook a moment to react which makes him blush at how awkward he's being, gives a small nod to the other's question.

"Yeah, and i'm guessing you're, uh," Jungkook trails off, not knowing what to call the boy. Yoongi grins, eyes glued to Jungkook's.

"Yoongi. But just call me hyung," he responds easily, completely ignoring the couple in favor of watching the boy. Jungkook just about squirms in his seat at how intensively Yoongi's looking at him, having to break eye contact every so often as to not become flustered from all of the attention.

"Okay, hyung." Jungkook says softly, making Yoongi smile wide.

Jungkook's never had a crush before, but he thinks that this is what it must be like.

Or, Jeon Jungkook and Min Yoongi have been pining over each other for five years

we'll dream the same dream by hocs [9.6k] [mature] ϟ

“wait,” jungkook calls after yoongi after he’s walked through the door. yoongi turns to look over his shoulder and sees the freshman struggling to catch up despite wearing heelys, failing miserably at building up enough momentum.

he wonders briefly how jungkook manages to make it up flights of stairs or live life in general. then he’s zooming his way over, tongue stuck out in concentration. he's gripping his bagel so tightly that it turns his knuckles white.

“i’m jungkook,” he says when he’s close enough, almost loses control and cracks his head open on a metal pole. yoongi has to grab his arm to keep him steady. jungkook's skin is soft but yoongi’s fingers barely sink in, bicep solid under his touch.

“yoongi,” he returns breathlessly.

(ex. yoongi finds his soulmate, loses his soulmate, and then jeon jungkook nearly kills him)

Stumbling on Diamonds by endearings [9.7k] [teen] 

“Finished,” Jeongguk grins, a shy, tiny thing. “Tell me if you want anything fixed, we still have a few minutes left.”

Yoongi hums, studying himself in the mirror with careful eyes before turning around, a smile already curling half his mouth. “You made me look kind of pretty, Jeongguk-ssi,” and then his grin is suddenly blooming, all of his edges worn smooth. “Thank you.”

And Jeongguk wants to tell him he looked pretty before - wants to tell Yoongi that his eyes are lovely, the shape of his mouth even lovelier, all of his features delicate and soft and sort of sweet.

“You were already kind of pretty, hyung,” Jeongguk says quietly, pulling his jacket tight around him before ducking his head, embarrassed.

(Alternatively: Yoongi is an idol and Jeongguk is his makeup artist)

describe a morning you woke without fear by 777335 [10k] [mature]

“No way.” Jeongguk says, breath ghosting across Yoongi’s cheeks. “Holy shit, I love you.”

Yoongi freezes, and then shifts, pulls back.

“You don’t know me.” He looks anywhere but Jeongguk. “I’m very unlovable.” He laughs, so it sounds like a joke.

Jeongguk doesn’t laugh. He blinks slowly at Yoongi, eyes round and big, lashes catching, like a sleepy owl from a storybook. It’s fucking enchanting. Yoongi looks away again.

“No, I’m a very good judge of character.” Jeongguk says. “I love you.” He repeats.

(Yoongi meets Jeongguk in the fall, when everything outside is starting to die, and they fall in that good, slow, sweet and sticky like warmed honey kinda love.)

love me lights out by marienadine [10.6k] [mature]

Min Yoongi is the student TA for Digital Mix Techniques 201, aka Jeongguk's eight a.m. this semester, aka his thrice-weekly reminder that he is, in fact, gay.

That's how it starts.

likes me / likes me not by fruitily [10.7k] [explicit] 

“i don’t know what you’re talking about,” yoongi says elusively.

“hyung,” taehyung sighs, “you literally come here to hold hands with the pretty nail artist.”

soft melodies and softer touches bystrangedesires [11k] [explicit]

I see the way you look at me, hyung.

Yoongi's world stands still, and in that moment, he wants nothing more than to wring Jimin's neck. It's Jeongguk, it has to be Jeongguk, who else would it be? Yoongi knows many dancers--unfortunately Jimin's one of them--but there's only one that he's on close terms with, and whose number he doesn't have.

Jeongguk. It's Jeongguk. It's fucking Jeongguk.

(OR: Jeongguk's a contemporary dancer, and Yoongi is his academy's pianist).

seven inches from the midday sun (but you're so cool) by bellamees [12k] [teen] 

"i'm your friendly neighborhood spider-man," the sentence sounds absolutely ludicrous when the boy says it, with awkward enthusiasm. he's definitely young, yoongi can tell. spider-man(boy) holds the ladder, and it stops creaking altogether. "it's my duty to help, ahjussi."

blaze it brightly by thebestofme [13.6k] [teen]

Yoongi is supposed to be secretly teaching Avatar Taehyung waterbending, but his cute friend is distracting. But there’s something odd about Jeongguk.

witches petals by declemonts [14k] [general audiences] 

"is there anything i can help you with?"

(or: yoongi has an affinity for cute (witch) florists)

come around sundown by notyoongs [14k] [teen] ϟ

“if you don’t put your wands away this instant, i’ll be forced to dole out swift and immediate punishment, and i doubt either of your teams will be happy to be missing their captains at this afternoon’s game.”

“seokjin, you wouldn’t,” says yoongi.

“oh, but i would,” says seokjin. “wands down, now. go back to your own house table, yoongi. and for god’s sake, stop with the sexual tension. i’m practically choking on it from over here.”

(or: on the pitch, yoongi and jeongguk are rival quidditch captains capable of doing the worst to each other. off the pitch, there’s a lot less yelling and a lot more… hand-holding?)

As You Wish by theimpossibleimpala [16k] [explicit] 

OG Prompt: "I need a fic where yoongi's whipped for jungkook and does everything he asks him to do, no matter how ridiculous the request is. Jungkook...keeps asking for small things. Like cute pictures of holly or extra large portions of lamb skewers. It goes like that until the requests become less and less innocent and yoongi doesn't hesitate to drop to his knees when jungkook asks him to."

eternal sunshine by theimpossibleimpala [16k] [teen] 

Maybe it's coincidence that Yoongi's car breaks down and there's someone there to help him. But the longer he stays away from home, the more it feels less like luck and more like destiny.

very much like the moon by kookwells [17.5k] [teen] ♡ 

min yoongi is big feelings material. min yoongi is hans zimmer soundtrack, frenching in the rain, quantum heart nut material, and every time jungkook sees him he feels at once too big for his body and like he wants to take a running jump off a diving platform. jungkook has known yoongi for three months and he already can’t imagine his life yoongi-less.

OR,

jungkook learns how to wake up.

And Then It Swallowed Me by nonikkou [19k] [teen] ♡ 

He fears being buried. 

twenty-four by fruitily [20k] [teen] ♡

“i’m doing a social experiment and writing about it,” taehyung says easily. “i decided to handcuff two people together for twenty-four hours and have them report back to me on the experience. you guys are an ideal pair for this, really, because of your contradictory lifestyles. kookie goes to the gym every day, yoongi hasn’t seen the sun in what, four years -“

“jungkook has a semi-healthy sleep schedule, and yoongi texted me at two a.m. asking if i want to grab dinner,” namjoon supplies.

“i am the pinnacle of health,” yoongi snaps. the handcuffs clink as jungkook lifts their arms.

“so you just. handcuffed us together while we were sleeping?"

high on (you and me) by ial [20k] [explicit] ♡

neon lights and pulsing beats, and a single star in a sea of dark.

that's how yoongi will later say it started; with hues of blue and purple and pink and red, and one radiant star. and then many stars, and then heat, and then the morning sun. it'll be sappy, and he'll only tell the story once, but it'll be too late either way.

yoongi falls at—

so far away (don't fall away) by uoongs [21.9k] [not rated] 

“The spare to the heir, Joon-ah,” Yoongi drawled through the buzz of two glasses of whiskey he’s already admitted to having before Namjoon showed up. “That’s what I am. The spare. Married off.”"Elizabeth II was a spare, you know."(arranged marriage sugakookie that no one except me asked for HAAHHA)

trophy by uoongs [22k] [not rated] ♡

“it’s almost like you’re his trophy wife,” jimin giggled. jeongguk’s eyeballs popped out of their sockets and would be bouncing on linoleum if that were physically possible.

“you’re right,” yoongi snapped his fingers. “i’m a goddamn trophy.”

(alternatively: yoongi wants gucci, and jeongguk wants...yoongi?)

like real people do by 777335 [22.6k] [teen]

“Yeah,” Yoongi breathes, “I’m bad at this.”

“Bad at what?” Jeongguk asks, blinks up at Yoongi.

Flirting with pretty boys, Yoongi thinks and is pretty sure he shouldn’t say, which mostly works except for the part where he just ends up saying,

“Flirting.”

A tiny shy smile flutters on the edge of Jeongguk’s lips.

“Are you flirting with me, hyung?”

“Yeah.” Yoongi rasps.

Jeongguk hums. “Oh good.” He says, disastrously soft and pretty, “oh good, I was hoping you were.”

//

or magic isn't real. maybe if yoongi tells himself that enough it'll be true.

i don't know much about love, but i bet you could teach me by ial, timber (calculus) [24k] [general audiences] ♡

Jungkook squeezes his eyes shut, face warm. "Your—your hair looks. Good. Yeah."

Yoongi clears his throat. "...Number three: Jeon Jungkook must give me a compliment every day from now on," he says after a beat. “To practice.” Jungkook flushes even harder.

"Hyung!"

"No, no, it's been spoken to the æther now. My rules are law, Jungkook," Yoongi shrugs.

Or, Jeon Jungkook isn't really all that familiar with the dating game, but maybe Min Yoongi can help.

my youth is yours by marienadine [25k] [teen]  ♡

“What did you say your name was?” says Yoongi, after an eternity of awkward silence.

“Jeongguk,” says Jeongguk. “Um. My name is Jeon Jeongguk. I’m a freshman.”

“Oh,” says Yoongi. “Fucking hell.”

(In which Jeon Jeongguk goes to college, makes some friends, and learns he’s got a lot of growing to do.)

algae bloom by cherryjjk [25.8k] [explicit]

“You have no goddamn idea, kid!” Yoongi screams, shoving Jeongguk away from him hard, just to get some space, “I hate myself for doing this to you. Every single day I wake up wishing it could be simpler. Wishing that I could have fallen for Jimin, Hoseok, fuck, anyone else but you.”

alternatively; yoonkook sort out their feelings, together.

I know I'll fall in love with you, baby bywitheredleaf (micooled) [31k] [teen]

The soulmate/soulbond au where Yoongi is part of a famous rap duo and Jungkook is his diligent fanboy, they meet at a fansign and things escalate from there

(alt. Yoongi didn’t sign up for this)

don't wanna be fool, wanna be cool (baby i want it) by 24sevenheaven [32k] [not rated] ϟ

great, he's going to be introduced to a cute boy, tell his current (extremely embarrassing) dilemma to a cute boy, embarrass himself in front of a cute boy, get rejected by a cute boy, and then go home and cry. and then have to hide his face from said cute boy for the rest of his life.

all in twenty fucking minutes.

(in which jungkook's boyfriend of one month breaks up with him right before his older brother's wedding. too embarrassed to tell his mother he's been dumped, jungkook employs prodigal music genius and popular heartthrob min yoongi to be his date.

the thing is, jungkook should've known that min yoongi is bad, bad news.

everything goes wrong—until it starts going right.)

the other side of earth by shadowsinsounds [38k] [explicit] 

The guy was tiny, grumpy and hot, carrying an attitude like he was eight feet tall. Jungkook wanted, with a sudden furious fervor, to be pinned down and taken apart. By him.

Jungkook didn't know much, but at least he could now confirm beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was not heterosexual.

Now what?

my will is yours by orphan_account [43.8k] [mature] 

Jeongguk is cursed with perfect obedience; he can never disobey a direct order. It's a living hell until he meets Min Yoongi.

(Ella Enchanted!AU)

shake bend and break by ameliabedelias [48k] [mature] 

Min Yoongi takes in a stray cat. Jeon Jeongguk lives next door.

here comes the sun by fruitily [57k] [teen] ♡ 

“hey, hyung,” jungkook says in a tiny voice into his ear, “how are you? it’s been a minute.”

“it has, hasn’t it.” it’s been two years, which is not hard to believe, because holy fuck— “you got, um. tall.”

that’s not really it. jungkook was already taller than yoongi two years ago. and it’s not a drastic change by any means. it’s just that everything about him is… more. yoongi refuses to think of other words for it.

(or: yoongi comes back to summer camp and finds himself in something of a crisis.)

let the light in by sharpa [65.7k] [teen] ♡ 

There is magic in the world, but for years Jungkook has shied away from his gift. (It's intrusive, unwelcome, dangerous.) Now, he's in New York City, battling loneliness and a college course he hates. Until on one particularly bad day, he turns down a side street in East Village and his life changes forever.

(Or: six boys run a magical emporium together and Jeon Jungkook is looking for a place to belong.)

these hallowed halls by softlyblue [70.6k] 

“Bowtruckles,” Yoongi announces with grandeur, “Can suck my dick.”

The Hufflepuff table is next to the Slytherins; Hoseok looks over and winks, along with Jimin’s second-year friend (Taesung? Taehyung?) but a group of girls giggle, and one of the Hufflepuff prefects rolls his eyes, piecrust stuck to his chin.

“Just because the bowtruckles can suck your dick doesn’t mean they will,” says Gerry.

“Bowtruckles have caused me so much emotional damage in the last hour that they should suck my dick just to make up for it.”

Or, Yoongi goes to Hogwarts, and meets Jeongguk, and grows up.

Gusto d'Italia by AmeliaBedelia [78.9k] [explicit] ϟ

Jungkook turned towards the kitchen - and walked straight into the icy glare of Min Yoongi.

“Are you always this late?”

Jungkook tried to bite his tongue. “I was talking to – ”

“I don’t care who you were talking to,” Yoongi snapped. He had both arms crossed firmly over his chest as he continued to berate Jungkook in front of the rest of the staff. “How am I supposed to trust you to get my food out on time if you can’t follow a simple direction that I gave less than five minutes ago?”

Jungkook stared at his feet. “It won’t happen again, chef.”

“Better fucking not.”

-----

Jungkook always dreamed of becoming a chef in the future. When Yoongi, a culinary genius with unusual social skills, shows up in the kitchen of Gusto d'Italia, Jungkook becomes awestruck.

good as gold by cyphertonic [84k] [explicit] 

He's laying in bed one night when his thoughts culminate into an ache in his chest. He longs for a release for all the tension he feels building up in his body, crawling and clawing under his skin. He longs for more warm comfort from his hyung, for the peacefulness he felt held in his arms. He wraps his own arms around himself then, balling himself up in the sheets.He just wants to be taken care of, he realizes. 

He just wants Yoongi to take care of him.

while the city slept by notyoongs [87k] [explicit] ϟ

and maybe he’s still kind of drunk, and maybe he’s sleep-deprived. but maybe this night has just taught him that it doesn’t hurt to be open to new experiences, doesn’t hurt to let loose once in a while. this trip isn’t about being safe. this is about taking chances and having fun, and he looks over at jeongguk, who is excitedly telling namjoon and seokjin about a famous perfumery he wants to visit in paris, and yoongi just blurts out, “why don’t you come with us?”

(or: the seven of them are only traveling europe together for a few weeks, but it’s more than enough time for yoongi and jeongguk to fall in love, over and over, in every country they visit.)

if you love me won't you say something by 777335 [102k] [explicit] 

yoongi and jeongguk fall in love and then some.

strawberries & cigarettes by notyoongs [129k] [explicit] 

“i’m yoongi,” he says. “hoseok’s roommate? he asked if i would be willing to drive you to work so here i am.” jeongguk stares at yoongi’s outstretched hand—nails covered in chipped black polish, which are attached to a very long and veiny hand, which is coming out of a fucking leather jacket, which is thrown over a black shirt, which is tucked into a pair of very tight and ripped black jeans, which come to rest above a pair of black combat boots, and that’s just—not fair. at all.

somehow, jeongguk manages to make the part of his brain not connected to his dick work enough to raise his hand, grasping onto yoongi’s a little too tightly. he swallows thickly, praying to god that his face isn’t as red as it feels when he looks yoongi in the eye again and lets out a quiet, “hi.”

(or: yoongi is a bad boy, jeongguk is a baby boy, and opposites always attract.)

[mrsspidermanmaryjanewatsonparker]

Amazing Spider-Man: Renew Your Vows Vol 2 #6-7 Thoughts

Previous thoughts here.

Okay I’ve finally caught up to where I left off with RYV in 2017 so these are my thoughts on the X-Men arc.

I have very mixed feeling about this arc depending upon what POV I look at it from.

As a general story unto itself and an instalment in this series it was pretty great.

However in the context of an AU series with a limited shelf-life as is and in a context when Spider-Man had so often been sharing the spotlight (and the Spider-Marriage hadn’t been seen) making what amounted to a standard paint by numbers X-Men story just from the Parker’s POV was very questionable even if I like the X-Men.

Finally from the POV of a guy who likes the X-Men but isn’t hardcore but is very much in love with 90s X-Men (which this version is based upon) my feelings are very mixed.

And that boils down to what I love about the X-Men and that era of the X-Men vs. how Conway apparently feels about them.

But let’s get general perennial opinions out the way. I’ve grown to begrudgingly accept the conceit of this series as a Spider Family book and a book where we are just going to ignore the child endangerment issues at play. But i’ve spoken about that before in my older coverage of issues #1-5. Similarly in those issues and it still holds true for this arc, Stegman is the goddam man when it comes to the artwork.

Whilst there was one panel in which he tried to draw MJ shocked and upset and it came off just goofy, over all the artwork in this arc was stunning and I genuinely said ‘wow’ out loud when I got to the splash page of Spider-Man and Wolverine.

Keeping on the visuals for a moment, I goddam love the costumes chosen for the characters here. Yes even the reimagined looks for Toad, Crucible and Mist Mistress.

Obviously I don’t talk X-Men here much but I adore the 1990s X-Men costumes from the 1992 cartoon, which originated under Jim Lee. And honestly they genuinely are among the most iconic and visually dynamic looks for the characters so it’s not purely personal preference. This is especially resonant for me with Wolverine. Spider-Man is my favourite (American comic book) character and following him are various Spider-Verse characters like MJ, Norman Osborn, Ben Reilly, Mayday, etc.

But outside of those Spider-Verse characters, Wolverine is my absolute fav Marvel character and it’s always annoyed me that Marvel were like embarrassed to put him in his classic Giant-Sized X-Men uniform once Whedon began writing X-Men.

That is THE iconic Wolverine look and in this story Stegman brought it back baby!

Similarly I appreciated that the Magneto of this story both looked and acted like classic Magneto. Not the aweful black and silver shit he was wearing around this time in the comics and I’ve never been fond of him as a good guy member of the X-Men.

Honestly, whilst I get it was well executed character development, Magneto is inherently more interesting as a morally grey antagonist for the X-Men than among their ranks. So much of the core premise of X-Men is built around the fundamental philosophical conflict between Magneto’s beliefs and Xaviers that you lose a not insignificant chunk of the essence of X-Men when you put them on the same side. Not to mention in a superhero story you want strong characters as antagonists and Magneto is arguably the best X-Men villain, scratch that best comic book villain, ever.

Okay now let’s chat story.

I wasn’t pleased with  the deaths in this. Banshee might be few people’s fav  but Beast was and in both cases their quick shock deaths were unearned and unworthy. Kind of overly dark to be honest with you given the nature of the RYV book and it gave the impression that Conway isn’t fond of either character.

But that sentiment shines through far more poignantly with Jubilee and Cyclops. Whilst Cyclops gets screwed over slightly less badly than he did in the X-Men movies, the same problems occur. He gets undermined in favour of Wolverine and so Logan and Jean can be shipped together. Which is only a different flavour of frustrating if you LIKE the Cyclops/Jean relationship as I do, than when Jean got screwed over so Scott and Emma could hook up. I still despise that.*

But at least this was kind of believable, at least to me. No X-Men expert so maybe their break up was OOC, but the idea that Cyclops and Jean broke up because Jean didn’t have faith in controlling her Godlike powers whilst Cyclops did is an interesting piece of relationship drama. And at least the characters in RYV didn’t get fucked as hard as they did in the 2000s.

Still you can kind of tell Conway isn’t a big fan of Cyclops (understandable he has his haters, I hate 2000s-2010s Cyclops) but you can equally tell he really doesn’t like Jubilee.

Again, not an X-Men expert here but I’m pretty sure Jubilee being a traitor to the X-Men and being disillusioned by Xavier’s methods is immensely OOC for her character.

Now that isn’t that big of a deal because this is an AU at the end of the day. But if you like Jubilee or just know her character then it will probably annoy you. Unfortunately for one reason or another Jubilee in my observations seems to get a lot of hate that Kitty Pryde and X-23 don’t and I do not understand why.

In the cases of both characters I could tell instantly that Conway was setting one of them up to be the traitor and honestly if you are doing an AU book, Cyclops is kind of the more interesting choice although I grant you maybe not in the context of 2010s Cyclops who already murdered Xavier in AvX and has been a douchebag for a long time. But in the context of this story and 1990s X-Men which this story is trading off of, it’s the more interesting choice. I will give it to Conway though for at least bothering to give us 2 suspects. These days most writers wouldn’t even bother with that and just think they were being subtle when they have Jubilee say shit like “Maybe your human friend wouldn’t like you if she knew you were a mutant!”

On some final notes about the X-Men themselves I feel like there was maybe something more interesting you could’ve done with Jean and Wolverine’s child than what we got with Shine. In her personality and powers she could be any one of the army of Summers/Grey children or any given generic mutant. There is no Wolverine in her to be seen.

That’s not me inherently hating her. She’s just more of a missed opportunity. She was adorable unto herself and even moreso in her relationship with Annie and I hope that gets revisited in consequent issues.

My final little note regarding the X-Men themselves was that I didn’t care for Magneto being mind controlled at the end or his over all plan.

Okay, it’s more like I felt his plan was underdeveloped. Because it’s not that it didn’t make sense because it was literally the same plan from X2: X-Men United. But Conway basically expected you to have just known  that because of the visuals and results of the plan. And for comic book and comic book movie fans like me, sure I know the shorthand but it’s not good storytelling. Similarly Emma Frost shows up at the end, barely talks but just kind of takes over as the main villain when Magneto had been the guy built up in the story and...he, he’s Magneto dude. That’s like having Puppet Master show up towards the end of a story where Doom’s been the main villain and take over.

Also doesn’t his helmet shield him from psychic control? I mean again it’s an AU and I feel like that wasn’t established until way later about Magneto but still.

I also wanna talk about how this arc more than anything else just blows up the continuity between RYV volume 1 and volume 2.

In RYV vol 1 #1 it was a big deal that the X-Men got wiped out by Regent and the implication was that the universe diverged in the early-mid 1990s.

In this arc though it’s made crystal clear that obviously the X-Men are fine and that in this universe (the dumpster fire clusterfuck that was) Civil War 2006 was avoided.

Which is again an example of Conway subtly saying screw you to stuff he doesn’t like but I don’t mind that because yeah screw Civil War it was hot trash. But it does make RYV volume 1 way more confusing in terms of continuity, especially since literally no other post-Secret Wars ongoing series (including X-Men ’92) seemed to radically alter their universe after the event like RYV did.

Honestly I think the only way to have it make sense is to just say RYV volume 2 is an alternate version of the RYV volume 1 characters and that prior to volume 2 a guy called the Regent showed up, stole some people’s powers then Spider-Man and his family stopped him. He didn’t kill anyone, he didn’t take over the world, he wasn’t trying to kill God Emperor Doom or whatever and the world didn’t know who Spider-Man was by the end of it.

This actually jives way better with what Houser would later establish in her run on RYV that Annie isn’t a daughter Peter and MJ had INSTEAD of Mayday, but in fact the daughter they would’ve had if OMD hadn’t fucked everything up. I guess in the RYV universe though Spider-Man never joined the Avengers and fashion was stuck in the 1990s even in the 2000s.

I’m not complaining I’m just trying to get all this stuff straight.

Okay let’s move onto the Parker family.

I loved the payoff to issue #2 with MJ planning a party and it turning out to be for Peter’s birthday. That was the best scene in the whole story. Normal life drama with supporting characters we know and love. This is the heart of Spider-Man! And it came with adorable scenes like Annie confronting the horror of gluten free desserts and acknowledgments of Aunt May and Aunt Anna’s deaths.

The heart of the story was the stuff related to whether Peter and MJ should make Annie stay at the Xavier school or not and the scenes exploring this were really good.

Spider-Man deal with relatively relatable everyday issues and failing that stuff that s clearly allegorical to said issues. In this case Annie’s powers are allegorical to a kid with a disability, special learning issues, or someone with a particular aptitude for learning that would make a normal school more challenging.

Special props goes to Peter relating to how he struggled in school and not wanting that for Annie. In MJ’s case though she wants to keep her daughter close. This makes sense retroactively when you consider she’s already lost one child and if you pretend RYV vol 1 happened then she spent years keeping Annie close out of fear that she died.

Putting those aside though it could be a commentary upon MJ’s own childhood growing up where she was constantly being uprooted and saw her family and her sister’s family fall apart. For MJ it’s likely very important that the family unit stay close together.

Conway’s writing shines because he organically (albeit not as subtly as he could) has them switch positions creating yet more potential conflict and makes sure Annie has her own view on the matter. She likes the school, she likes Shine but she doesn’t want things to change and justifies this in a childish way by making out a popular kid in her school is a bigger deal than she actually is.

My major point of condemnation though is that I feel way more could’ve been done with the premise (e.g. having MJ and Jean connect over super powered kids) than actually was because so much of the plot is dominated by villains invading the Xavier school for the umpteenth time.

Actually goes into two other problems with the arc. This is an incredibly generic X-Men storyline because obviously it’s from a Spider-Man perspective. Like if an X-Men story tried to present a window into the world of Spider-Man it’d be a typical thing about him making rent, working for Jameson and missing a date or whatever. It’s like default setting X-Men and whilst I like that because I miss those days before X-Men became a clusterfuck, it’s not the most compelling main plot in the world.

And honestly it wraps up too quickly and easily, MJ just decks Emma Frost and the story is done. Annie and Peter don’t get involved enough which is weird because isn’t this a team book? I mean as the story highlights it makes Mj look cool but I don’t like doing that at the expense of the other characters.

Now in fairness that might’ve been set up for the next arc, which I know is about MJ becoming Venom. The last page or two of the arc implies this because it features an overtly villainous Liz Allan.

At first I raised my eyebrow at this. Around that same time Liz had been presented as evil in the 616 books and I thought this might’ve been lame out of nowhere synergy.

But in thinking about it, if this really is a Liz Allan who is recently went through the stuff she dealt with in DeMatteis’ Harry Osborn arc from the 1990s (as is the implication) then Liz would be a darker person, would be more hard hearted to protect her son and she wasn’t the nicest person to the Parkers at that time.

Although issue #4 had MJ refer to Normie as creepy implying the Osborns and Parkers generally aren’t all that close in this universe.

Regardless Liz with the Venom symbiote targeting MJ and having the there be an explicit thematic connection between them via their shared motherhood was a darkly delicious moment.

As many mixed feelings as I have for this arc over all I give it a solid B.

*Hence I personally also loved Emma Frost just being a plain villain and getting decked by MJ because I goddam hate Emma Frost I really do.

[thesoundofnat]

I Need A Co-Pilot

Tony/Rhodey

Summary: Rhodey teases Tony about him being a total dad to Peter, but Tony isn’t planning on being a single parent.

A/N: Based on this prompt. I hope you like it!

Warnings: Brief mention of an anxiety attack, vague mention of Howard being a shit father.

[Read it on AO3]

Words: 1 567

He hadn’t realized he’d been doing it until Rhodey had pointed it out, and while it was common for Tony to start becoming hyper aware of certain behaviors once he was actually aware of them, he couldn’t find it in himself to to start questioning it this time. The kid had been through too much for Tony to start backing up now.

But of course Rhodey refused to drop it.

“Well, if it isn’t Mr ‘I’ll never be a dad’.”

Tony shot him a look, but didn’t honor him with a reply.

Rhodey was sitting on Tony’s couch (who even let him in to begin with?) looking incredibly smug for some unknown reason, but Tony had just dealt with Peter having called him ten times and given him a heart attack over something trivial, so he had no energy to even ask.

“Long day?” Rhodey asked, his voice softer as Tony flung himself beside him.

“I think this day lasted weeks.”

Rhodey reached out to run his hand through Tony’s hair briefly, a habit he’d picked up from Pepper years ago when she and Tony had still been together. It had started as a jest, but now Tony found himself continuously wishing he’d never stop.

“Tell me about it?”

Tony exhaled slowly. “Well, we had a meeting this morning that no one had told me about, so of course I ran late. I’m pretty sure they did it on purpose.”

“Fuck them.”

“Right? Anyway, it lasted longer than necessary, and I didn’t have time to eat lunch.”

“That’s a very Tony Stark thing.”

“Only this time they didn’t let me.”

“Again. Fuck them.”

“I then had to deal with the kid freaking out over a small thing, and making me freak out in the process before I realized what he was talking about.”

Rhodey tilted his head. “Well, they say parents tend to overreact when it comes to their children.”

Tony ignored him once again. “How was your day?”

“Stressful, which was apparently so obvious that they practically ordered me to go home.”

“And instead you came here.”

“This is as much home as my apartment.”

“Fair enough. How long were you waiting?”

“Not too long. I barely had time to ponder over whether I wanted to raid your fridge.”

Tony snorted out a laugh. “As long as you make me something too, be my guest.”

“Shouldn’t we invite Peter over? What kind of father are you to let your son starve?”

“Just go check the fridge, Rhodes.”

***

Tony was halfway through his brunch date with Rhodey and Pepper when his phone started blowing up.

“Who died?” Rhodey asked as Tony grabbed the device in alarm.

He only needed to glance at the screen before he groaned. “Really?”

“What?” Rhodey and Pepper asked in unison, and Tony just shook his head and shoved the phone in their faces.

“The kid just can’t text everything in a chunk,” he muttered. “Always gotta space out his sentences so that one simple thing is ten messages long.”

Rhodey squinted at the screen (Tony held back a comment about him getting old). “He wonders if that robbery downtown was a supervillain’s doing. Cute.”

“He’s desperate for some action, but I told him to focus on school this week.”

Pepper was nodding encouragingly. “That’s a good choice. He won’t be in school forever.”

��And I don’t want to be the cause of him failing all his subjects.”

“You should ask him if he’s having difficulties,” Rhodey said, waving his fork around and spilling pieces of egg onto the table. “Help him out and stuff if he needs it.”

“You know, that might not be a bad idea,” Pepper said, sounding way more excited about this than Tony would’ve thought.

“Do I look like a tutor to you?”

“This way you will keep him busy and therefore keep him out of trouble while still helping him.”

Tony leaned back in his chair. “Okay, I’m listening.”

“Think about it. This kid is obviously in need of older people looking out for him.”

“And he craves the attention,” Rhodey added.

“Right. Doing this would probably make his year, and that way you will have more control of the situation since he cannot - and probably will not - go out and take on things he cannot properly handle.” Pepper was as caught up with everything as Rhodey was.

Tony sighed. “I hate it when you two are right.”

Rhodey shot him a smirk. “Don’t tell me you’re not looking forward to spending some quality time with your boy.”

“You know what, I’m never speaking to you again.”

But of course he would. He always would.

***

Tony should’ve expected Rhodey to show up just as he and Peter were wrapping up their tutoring session, but he hadn’t, and was therefore immensely surprised when his friend appeared in the kitchen out of nowhere (seriously, who kept letting him in?).

Peter was practically over the moon, blabbering about how awesome War Machine was and whatnot, and, in return, Rhodey revealed that he very much knew that Peter was Spider-Man and that he admired how much he’d already done for New York City at such a young age. Tony wanted to ask why they were kissing each other’s asses, but he reckoned neither of them would’ve appreciated it.

“I like him,” Rhodey said once Tony had sent Happy to drive Peter home. “He’s so energetic.”

“Yeah, well, try giving him your phone number and get back to me.”

“Stop lying. You’re loving the attention.”

Tony snorted. “I don’t love worrying he’ll break his own neck one day.”

“It’s your duty as a dad to worry about him.”

Tony tweaked him in the ribs this time, making him jump away with a laugh. “Stop saying that.”

“What? That hurt by the way.”

“Don’t lie. And stop saying I’m the kid’s father.”

“You know I’m kidding.”

“It doesn’t matter. He deserves a much better father than me anyway.”

Rhodey raised an eyebrow. “Do we need to have a stern conversation about how you’re actually a good human being and would be an amazing parent?”

“I’m not in the mood, Rhodey.”

“Hey, look at me.” Tony did, albeit reluctantly. “You’d be an amazing father, and the kid looks up to you for a reason.”

“Because I’m Iron Man.”

“Maybe. But he of all people knows that there’s a human beneath the suit.”

Tony shook his head. “Doesn’t mean I’d be a good parent. Not that I want to be one.” The one way he could prevent himself from becoming like his own father was to never become a father.

Rhodey reached out to grab his neck, a habit Pepper had picked up from him. Tony shivered as he ran his thumb up his sensitive skin and along his hairline. “You’ve always been so mean to yourself.”

“It’s either that or an extremely big ego.”

“I’d prefer the ego.”

Tony’s lips twitched upward. “You say that now.”

“I won’t take it back.”

Tony poked his chest, but instead of withdrawing his hand he kept it there, fiddling with the neckband of his shirt. Blue looked good on him. “You know what I’ve noticed?”

Rhodey squeezed his neck lightly. “What?”

“If I’m the dad, you’re totally the mom.”

Rhodey barked out a laugh. “Pardon?”

“I’m not repeating myself.”

Rhodey pulled Tony closer by the neck, their foreheads just shy of touching. “Can I be blunt for a sec?”

“Always.”

“If we’re the parents here, I want all the perks.”

Tony hummed. “All of them?”

“All of them.”

Tony could feel Rhodey’s breath hitting his face. Could feel his heart beating against his chest. Could feel it picking up speed.

He leaned in, and Rhodey met him halfway.

***

The room was still dark when Tony woke up, but he could feel the lack of a body beside him immediately. His heart in his throat, he sat up and reached blindly around to light his bedside lamp, but a hand stopped him before he managed to kill the darkness.

“I’m here,” Rhodey said, voice soft as he gently pushed Tony back against the mattress. “It’s okay.”

Tony sucked in a breath and exhaled slowly. Rinse and repeat, just like he’d been told to do to prevent an anxiety attack. “I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for.”

“I have nothing to freak out over either.”

“Stop it.” Fingers in his hair, rubbing his scalp. Tony found himself leaning into the touch rather than feeling crowded by it. “You really have to stop being so mean to yourself.”

Tony reached out to pull Rhodey closer, moving over a bit so that he could sit. “What would I do without you?”

“I don’t even want to think about that.”

“Neither do I.”

“So let’s not.” Rhodey smiled now. Tony could see it in the dark. “To think me calling you out for being a total dad would lead us here.”

Tony laughed. “I’m not sure how I feel about you calling me dad.”

“I’ve never called you dad,” Rhodey protested. “I just said you are like a dad.”

“Whatever you say, honey.”

Rhodey used his free hand to squeeze his side before closing the gap, pausing with his lips an inch away from Tony’s to say, “I like it when you call me that.”

“Oh, I know.”

They kissed for the hundredth time that night, but definitely not the last.

[midtownvaledictorian]

Sushi, Drinks, and...

Tom asks you on a mysterious date after meeting you in a coffeeshop, but the night has more in store than even you could imagine... 

Pt. One (1950 words) part one is really more of an imagine, but just wait ;)

Warnings: v smutty, swearing, alcohol and drug use (our boy Tommy is a partier) 

Reader’s POV

It had almost been a year since you’d moved from your small town in Ohio to Los Angeles. It was difficult at times, trying to balance school, work, and going out all while missing your mom. You knew you made the right choice though, you had spent most of your life making decisions based on other people, but you did this for you. And you deserved it. When you first moved to LA, seeing a celebrity made you stop dead in your tracks. It was so foreign to see someone that you saw so often on TV in real life. But after a few months, the effect wore off (but you were giddy when you got to make a latte for Robert Downey Jr. one day at work). Working at a popular coffeehouse in West Hollywood, it wasn’t uncommon to see celebrities. Typically, they were rude and ordered their coffee as they yelled at someone on the phone, but they almost always tipped well so you didn’t mind. Business always slowed down after 5 p.m. Everyone important had already gotten their coffee and were off doing better things by that time, so all the customers you really got were the occasional tourists. It was a rainy Friday, typical for LA in March, and your phone said 5:28 as you googled an answer for your humanities class. Your boss was inspired by the fact that you moved all the way across the country for your academics as opposed to fame, so he always let you do your homework when there was downtime. 

Just as you locked your phone you heard the little bell by the front door ring as two young boys came jogging in, soaked from head to toe. They took off their jackets, dripping with rain, and hung them on the little rack by the booths. You tried not to, but you couldn’t help but notice how fit they were. Clearly they didn’t have time to zip up their jackets before the downpour started, so the front of their shirts clung to their abs with rainwater. One was blonde and the other had perfect, brown curls. God, you were a sucker for curly hair. You closed your textbooks and pushed them to the side as they started walking towards the counter. It wasn’t until they reached the bar and you looked up that you realized, ‘Holy shit, that’s Tom Holland.’ You felt your heart leap a little and you instantly wanted to squeal, but instead you kept your cool. ‘Come on Y/N, you've met hundreds of handsome actors and never made a fool of yourself, you can do it one more time.’ “Good afternoon, darling,” he said when he reached you. He crossed his arms and rested them on the counter. You couldn’t help but stare at how good his muscles looked. “I would say same to you, but yours doesn’t look so good. Caught in the rain, huh?” You said cooly. “Yeah what the hell happened to bright, sunny Los Angeles?" Asked his friend with a laugh. You recognized him too, Harrison Osterfield. “Come back in two months and you’ll find it.” You said. “Right well, what’s good here?” Tom asked. “I think I’m obligated to say everything,” you said with a raised eyebrow. “Fair enough, what do you get?” “Hmm, depends on my mood. My go-to is an iced macchiato, but on rainy days like this I always go for a chai tea latte. Add some cinnamon on top and it's probably the most comforting thing you’ll ever drink.” “God, that sounds amazing right now. I’ll take one, for here.” Harrison’s phone started ringing so he made a gesture that said, “same for me,” before he walked off to a booth somewhere. You rang up the drinks and grabbed two coasters to write their names on. “Tom, right?” You asked, as if you didn’t know. “Ah, so you do know who I am. I was beginning to worry,” he said with a slight wink. “If I lost my head every time an actor came through those doors I would’ve died from a heart attack by now,” you retorted, earning a chuckle from Tom. God, he had the cutest smile. “Do you lose your head at all when they ask you out?” “Please, I look like this every day. That doesn’t happen,” you said, gesturing to your current look. Your hair was in a tight French braid at the beginning of the morning, but had since failed you and soft strands of hair fell out to frame you face. Your smock was covered in stains from various syrups and creams, and the sweater you wore underneath bore a view stains as well, despite how careful you were. “I figured you did, that’s why I assumed you got asked out a lot.” You could feel your cheeks beginning to blush. This was so not the time to get flustered. “I should probably start making those drinks now,” you said turning around to the work station. You could feel your heart pounding as you made their lattes. Were you actually just flirting with Tom Holland? You still have the Spider-Man: Homecoming poster hanging up in your room back in Ohio. No way. He's just being nice, that’s all. You needed to stop overthinking and just get these damn drinks out before you make a fool out of yourself. You set the mugs on the coasters, you even made sure to choose your favorite pair. “Order up,” you said with a wink. Tom hadn’t moved an inch, and you realized he had probably been watching you the whole time. Tom exhaled sharply before making dead eye contact with you. His eyes were a deeper brown than you’d ever seen before, you could get lost in them. “So what are you doing tonight, darling?” You knew you were just going to go back to your tiny apartment you shared with three other girls and watch Game of Thrones in bed for the fourth time. But you couldn’t let him know that. You had already winked at Tom Holland, a bold move for you, why not keep going? “I don’t really know yet,” you said with a suave look. “Ooh, mysterious are we?” “I get off at seven, pick me up at eight and I’ll find out,” you said as you wrote your number down on his coaster. “Deal, be ready,” he said. The eye contact only grew more intense as he picked up the little tray and began to back away, only breaking it to turn and find Harrison. ‘That did not just happen,’ you thought, ‘Am I really going on a date with Tom Holland tonight?’ You gathered your books again and tried to concentrate on a chapter about Paleolithic art style, but your mind was in a million places. You eventually packed up your books and sat there picturing exactly what you were going to wear, how you would do you hair, and what the hell you would tell your roommates when an Audi came to pick you up. You were stuck in a daydream that you were only pulled from when you noticed the movement of the two boys grabbing their jackets. “See you tonight, love, eight o’clock sharp,” he gave you a quick wink before zipping up his jacket and walking out the front door. Just as they left, you heard the door to the kitchen swing open. It was Jordan, your boss. “What are you still doing here?” He asked with a stern look. “Jordan, I don’t get off until seven,” you said confused. “These doors are thin Y/N, I heard everything that just went down. You have a hot date with an actor in a few hours, get the hell outa here. I’ll clock you out at seven.” You really couldn’t believe how great he was sometimes. You jumped from your stool and grabbed your bag. Before leaving you gave him a quick peck on his cheek. “You’re the absolute best, you know that?” “I’m fully aware, thank you. Wear something skimpy, but not too skimpy. Make sure he comes back for more.” “Duly noted,” you shouted as you walked out the door and sprinted to your car.

Tom’s POV

“Holy shit dude, what am I supposed to do? God, I can’t believe I just did that. What am I going to wear? Where am I supposed to take her? What if she dresses way nicer than me and I look like an ass? How the hell am I even going to pick her up? I have no idea where she lives! Fuck, I didn’t even catch her name!” I said to Harrison, who was clearly ignoring every word I said. “To be honest with you man, I can’t believe you did that either. You get nervous talking to reporters if they’re pretty, and that girl was damn right gorgeous. You’re lucky my mum called or I would've snagged her number first.” We were making our way to my Audi when I finally figured out what I’d do. “Ah man of course! I’ll take her to that sushi bar we went to the first week we came out here. Remember there was that bar down the block. Sushi and drinks. That’s a good first date, right?” I asked Harrison as we both slid into the car. Finally the rain had stopped and we were able to throw our damp jackets in the back. “Yeah I suppose, assuming she likes sushi. And assuming you aren't going to get nervous and throw up sashimi after a few drinks,” he replied with a laugh. “Fuck off mate, I’ve gone on dates before. I’ll be fine. How the hell am I supposed to pick her up though?”
“Damn, you're right. It’s too bad she didn’t give you her number,” he said sarcastically. Remembering the coaster in my jacket pocket I snagged it from the back seat and started putting it into my phone. “Is it too early to call her? I don’t wanna seem creepy.” “Nah mate, just call her, ask her where she lives and tell her to wear something nice-ish. Figuring out her name wouldn’t be a bad idea either.” “Right, right,” I trailed off, dialing the number. I had to stare at it for a good few moments before hitting the little green button. My anxiety grew with each ring, I could feel a bead of sweat starting to form near my brow before she finally picked up, “Hello?” Her sweet voice chimed. “Hello love, it’s Tom. I just figured I’d call to ask where exactly I should pick you up.” “Oh, right, of course,” she described the location of her apartment, it wasn’t in an area I was familiar with, so it took some explaining before I finally felt confident that I could find it. “One more question, how do you spell your name? I want to put it in my phone right.” Harrison laughed at my poor excuse to find out her name, so I gave him an elbow to the rib as she answered. 
“Right, Y/N, beautiful.” I grimaced slightly as I realized I had just given it away. “You’re going to look beautiful, is what I meant, tonight. Not that you didn’t look beautiful earlier. You totally did. Stunning, really.” “Right, I’ll see you at eight then?” “Eight o’clock sharp, wear something nice, darling. I can’t wait.” I ended the call and gave Harrison the “that wasn’t too bad look,” which he laughed at as I drove off to the apartment the two of us were sharing.

[traincat]

what do you personally dislike about Slott's ASM? also do you know how he has been the main writer for so long? It feels like marvel should have switched it up

This turned out so long, sorry, anon.

I don’t know the circumstances that have led to Slott’s extremely long run on Amazing Spider-Man, but I do feel it’s long past time to switch it up for a number of reasons, and frankly, I’m surprised they didn’t chose Legacy as the perfect time to bring in a new writer. I’ve got two bones to pick with Slott’s Amazing Spider-Man, and one is a couple of personal experiences I’ve had that centered around Superior Spider-Man (importantly, they’re both scenes involving the run’s treatment of women) and then just a general note on why his Peter Parker voice doesn’t work for me, personally. I have liked other comics by Slott, for the record.

The personal experiences first:

I’ve witnessed Slott harass a friend of mine on social media over a comment on a frankly awful panel in Superior Spider-Man, saying that they shouldn’t criticize Otto’s actions because he was “on a journey.” This kind of behavior is apparently not an isolated incident where he’s involved, but I should note that my friend was at the time very young (I can’t remember if they were 18, but quite possibly they were younger). I believe it was made obvious to him at one point that he was arguing with a teenager, but I can’t recall for sure. I do know they did not tag him in their criticism. But most importantly, this is the panel they were discussing:

For those unaware, Superior Spider-Man was a storyline where Doctor Octopus bodyjacked Peter and intended to live his life as Peter and as Spider-Man. Nobody knew that Peter had been replaced. 

Otto’s thought boxes are positioned over Mary Jane’s dialogue, effectively silencing her, and not only is HIS gaze clearly fixed on her breasts, but the reader is essentially forced to stare at them, too. I don’t know how the average man feels looking at this panel, but I can say, as a woman, it 100% feels like the comic is creepily staring at my boobs and I’m not cool with that. This is not a fun cheesecake page, embracing Mary Jane as a confident, sexually attractive woman – it’s treating her like a piece of meat. If this was intended to be funny, I’m sorry, but the joke is bad. Even if we were to say Otto was “on a journey” to become a better person and that his behavior in the first issue is not indicative of who he’ll become so he shouldn’t be judged on it – which, currently, he’s in a Peter clone body, being all sad because his Parker Industries coup failed and the woman he lied to and seduced using Peter’s identity doesn’t want to date him, so I guess the last stop on the train was Disgusting Man Valley – it’s still a page where a man infiltrates a woman’s private life using the body of one of the closest people to her and then ignores her voice to stare at her breasts. (Make no mistake: Otto was explicitly and aggressively trying to trick her into bed using Peter’s identity. Later, when he realized he could access Peter’s memories, he replayed Peter’s sexual encounters with Mary Jane. I don’t like any stop on this journey, guys.)

The “journey”, I suspect, was meant to refer to Ock’s growing feelings towards Anna Maria Marconi, but that just highlights another set of problems I have: Mary Jane, a beautiful model turned entrepreneur, is ultimately deemed by Otto as “unacceptable” for someone of Peter’s intellect, and cast aside in favor Anna Maria, who works in STEM, can cook like an Italian grandmother, and who is pretty but not conventionally desirable. It would be one thing for the character to do this, but Slott did once say that Otto was better at appreciating “real beauty” than Peter, and that Peter’s love for Mary Jane was “anti-Marvel”, because Mary Jane’s “superficially beautiful”, implying that she lacks inner beauty and ignoring the canon fact that Mary Jane’s moral center has always been stronger than Peter’s. This disregard for Mary Jane solely because she’s pretty continues in a scene where Mary Jane gets all dressed up and goes to meet a new guy she’s interested in, only to get pushed into the mud before he sees her. While humor via humiliation is common in Slott’s Spider-Man, I don’t really think I need to elaborate on why a scene all about taking a woman who is confident in her appearance and sexuality down a peg leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I really dislike how often Mary Jane is disregarded by fans because she’s “a shallow male fantasy” (please read comics) so to say that Peter loving her is anti-Marvel is just, like, no. 

More under the cut.

(It’s also out of character for Mary Jane not to realize Peter’s not Peter, considering she outfoxed (and then bludgeoned) the Chameleon and can pick Peter out from among his clones:

but for the sake of Superior’s deceit, I can let this go. The Superior Spider-Man scene where she sits in a burning building waiting for Spider-Man to come save her, The Most Out Of Character Mary Jane Scene Of All Time, I cannot.)

So there’s just, generally, the treatment of Mary Jane in Superior Spider-Man, as well as his reaction to a criticism of it. Then there’s an encounter with a male Spider-Man fan I had which, while this isn’t a direct criticism of Slott’s work, I do think it ties into the way women are treated in it, especially within the body of Superior Spider-Man.

So I used to cosplay, and one time I went to a big outdoor shoot with a bunch of friends and friends’ friends and some photographers, etc, and afterwards we all crowded into a big diner booth together, Jersey style, and this guy I don’t know starts chatting me up. (I guess he missed the memo about superficial beauty.) And it’s a cosplay thing, so like, we’re all nerds, and somehow we start talking about Spider-Man. And this guy rushes to tell me he is loving Superior Spider-Man. Do you know what he just can’t wait to tell me he loved about Superior Spider-Man? He loves that Doc Ock punched Felicia Hardy in the face. “That was awesome,” he told me, referring to a scene where Felicia comes across Spider-Man and, not knowing it’s Ock in there, initiates some playful banter, which he responds to by punching her in the face hard enough to knock a tooth out. Because he’s the Superior Spider-Man! And obviously that’s ~superior~ to what “shallow” Peter would have done, which was most likely engage in consensual sex with Felicia, because they’re both adults who enjoy having sex with each other. Did Dan Slott hold a gun to that guy’s head and make him tell me how awesome and funny it is when men violently assault women in fiction? No, but he did write a scene that it’s possible to interpret as glorifying said assault. At the very least, it does not condemn it.

Dating tip, guys: when talking to a girl for the first time, please don’t tell her how cool and funny you think violence against women is. (Actually, if you find it cool and funny, please be upfront about that, so she can get out of there and never talk to you again.)

Ugh. You guys. I do not like how this title treats women. I don’t like how other Slott titles treat women, although they’re less egregious about it, because at least when Peter Parker is in control of his body and the title you’re forced as a writer to deal with the fact that, while Peter canonically is real enthusiastic about sex with women, the character does actually like, respect women as human beings. Slott has also fridged several important Spider-Man women, notably both Dr. Ashley Kafka and Marla Jameson – both professional women. I love Cindy Moon and I love what other writers have done with the concept of someone who spent ten years locked away in a bunker, but I’m not actually sure Cindy’s introduction needed to be about a woman who was locked in a box since she was a teenager, you feel me?

My issues with Slott’s Peter characterization are entirely a matter of personal taste. I’ve already mentioned that I don’t love humor via embarrassment or humiliation, but I really, really don’t like it. And Slott uses it a lot – his conception of Spider-Man as a funny superhero involves Peter being the butt of a lot of jokes, instead of Peter just… being funny. I also find that his Peter lacks an edge. This is also my problem with Bendis’ Peter, though I feel Bendis nails the rhythm of Peter’s banter better than Slott does, and his dialogue-heavy writing is a good fit. Also, he knows Peter’s Jewish. But like, for instance, you have an iteration of Peter who was only ever written by Bendis in Ultimate Peter! And he’s a good boy! He is! I care about him so much less than 616 Peter. This is related to my dissatisfaction with Homecoming, where he was completely toothless and the narrative went out of its way to point out how NOT scary he was. I’m sorry, but a teenage boy who can punch through concrete no big deal is actually always going to be at least a little scary – instead of rejecting that fact, I’d rather explore how Peter makes himself gentle as he grows up, and how he struggles to be as good and as moral as Spider-Man is, and when he leans into that threatening nature. I want that struggle, and that relationship with violence, throw in some Spider-Man as a predatory animal metaphors okay at this point I should note that the modern Spider-Man writer whose voice for him I like the very best is J. Michael Straczynski’s. You can see what I’m talking about in this scene, for example:

He’s completely gentle with Mary Jane – but when Tony gets in his way to keep him from going after a paparazzo (Tony wouldn’t know this, but Peter once threatened to rip a sleazy photographer’s head off after he called Mary Jane cheap, so y’know, trying to get him to calm down is reasonable), Peter’s reaction is hostile – threatening to forcibly move him, the clenched fists, etc. (One of my big Peter characterization rules is you can’t write how he interacts with other people the same as the way he interacts with his family.) He also just tossed Wolverine out a window, so.

“You were chosen for your rage” ooooh Mr. Stracyznski, tell me more. This sounds like I am joking no 10000% give me more of Peter shirtless and beating up the Kingpin. His freaking murder polo:

Basically, as a reader, I appreciate the depths of Peter’s kindness best when they aren’t necessarily first nature for him. Slott’s Peter doesn’t have that same edge to him. He’s not reining himself in. (There was a Norman vs Peter fist fight and I WAS NOT INTO IT, which should be impossible.)

[therarara]

This was for the contest by @justkpopjokes but I just couldn’t finish it until TODAY! So here it is ^^ (warning: slight explicit language)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’ve been studying for the past 4 hours for my exams and I felt as if my head was going to explode. I let out a frustrated sigh as I read over the passage once again, the information failing to stay in my brain. I put down my notes and ruffled my hair. I needed a break. I looked at the clock and thought of what I could do at… 2am. I googled to see if any coffee shops were open around the dorm at this time and found one that was actually still open. I thanked God for blessing me with the caffeine I’ll be needing to finish studying and pulled on my sneakers before grabbing my purse and heading out. As I walked there I clutched my pepper spray bottle in my purse until I was safely in the cafe. Looking around it was practically dead as it should be around this time, aside from me and one other person who was hunched over a table typing away at their laptop. I quickly got my drink and headed out. As I walked back to the dorm I took my time this time around since the walk here was relatively dead. Five minutes from the dorm, I started hearing soft grunts in the distance. I stopped and listen closes, maybe I was imagining things… I wasn’t. The smarter part of me told me not to investigate because it’s 2 am and a perfect example of “curiosity killed the cat” but my inner science major pulled me to investigate so against better judgement I went to see what was going on.

As I quietly crept into the woods beside the dorm the grunting got louder and I saw a faint light that grew brighter as I got closer. When I was close enough to see what was going on I peeked my head from around a tree and saw Joshua Hong? Creating ice from thin air?! I knew Joshua since second year when he became the university foreign heartthrob who transferred from a university in LA. We were practically going for the same degree in Chemistry so he ended up in a lot of my classes. He’s always polite and spoke his mind but somehow he still gave off an air of aloofness even when he tried to be transparent. This was denying every scientific logic that I have ingrained into my mind over these past 4 years and I think I just really needed some sleep. I turned to walk away but as I did I accidentally stepped on a twig making a slight noise. I suddenly felt park hit my side of my face and I turned to see an ice shard protruding from the tree?! I looked at Joshua, horrified but he just mirrored my face. I was about to run but suddenly my foot got caught on something and I fell. I caught myself but spilled my coffee everywhere in the process. I looked at what had made me fall and saw that he had frozen my foot to the ground. I shot him a pointed look, opening my mouth about the scream when he stopped me.

“Wait! I’m sorry. Yerin please let me explain. Don’t scream. I won’t hurt you.” He spewed at me a mile a minute, slowly removing his hand. At the last remark I shot a look at the shard of ice in the tree trunk and he just looked so apologetic?

“I didn’t mean to do that! I was aiming at the target over there but you made a noise and I turned forgetting that I was about to fire it…”

“And what the hell is it exactly Joshua Hong?! It’s 2 am, I haven’t had my coffee, I was nearly impaled with ice, my mind was not functioning properly for this.” I hissed. He fell to a squat, his face buried in his hands.

“Well you can call it a side effect of sorts. As a baby I got sick and basically was on the verge of death. No doctor would treat me because there was nothing they could do. All the treatments were in its experimental stages and weren’t ready for human use. My parents, being the pharmaceutical researchers they are, decided that it was best to take the risk than let their son die. So they reccreated the experimental drugs and gave them to me. I got better but I got this side effect.” As he explained my initial fear simmered down to guarded curiosity at this point. Joshua seems harmless and his ability interested me.

“Wait so you’re telling me you basically got spider-man-ed as a baby and you have this ‘ability’ now because of it?” I asked utterly shocked.

“In simple terms that’s about right.”

“This is probably sleep deprivation talking but that’s fucking awesome.” Questions were already forming in my head about how all of this worked but I felt it wasn’t my place as a stranger to ask.

“I guess… I basically come out here to practice controlling my ability and studying the extent of my abilities.” He seemed uncomfortable talking about it.

“How much have you found out?” I pushed a bit more.

“Not much. I do the best I can but it’s kind of hard doing it when I am the test subject.”

“This may be overstepping my boundaries but maybe I can help? Regardless I’ll keep your secret though.” This was an opportunity I just couldn’t let go.

For a whole week Joshua couldn’t look at me when we had class together and it became the talk of the Chemistry department. The kind Joshua was actually ignoring someone, no one let this slide. So many rumors came out that he rejected me or we were a one night stand or something and I guess Joshua felt guilt for accidentally starting bad rumors about me and he was already guilty for almost killing me so Monday he sheepishly approached me and accepted my offer to help him. So a few times a week I would sneak out of the dorm and meet Joshua in the forest and watched him practice. It was hard to get any conclusive data without any equipment but it seemed that he was able to manipulate the water vapor around him and condense it while also dropping the temperature around him. Whenever he uses his power his eyes flash an icy blue and progressively his skin on the right side of his body begins to turn a pale blue, crawling from his feet up until it reaches his face or at least that’s what I assume as I watch it crawl up his arms.

This continued for nearly a month and we really couldn’t find out much about it other than what we collected. But because of this secret researching, Joshua and I spent a lot more time together. It was to the point that his rather large friend group approached us after class once because they wanted to complain how he’s been “too busy to hang out” but really they just wanted to poke fun at him for the extensive amount of time we’ve been spending together. I could see the blush burn across his face as he explained to them what was going on which egged them on more because I knew the big secret he doesn’t tell anyone about, besides them. They were all a nice group although a bit forceful as somehow I ended up integrating into their group. Whenever I accidentally wonder about it aloud Seungcheol would respond with “A friend of Joshua is a friend of ours.”

After getting to know Joshua the inevitable I feared would happen happened. I started to develop a crush on him. To be frank I was already interested in him because the difference in his words compared to his actions. Even though he would say he was okay, his body would shift awkwardly and his gaze would never seem to focus on anything particular. I always observed him from afar and now that I got to properly know him I fall for him more and more. The way his reserved self seemed to be free when he hung out with his friends and how he could properly break into a smile with the people he is comfortable with rather than the tight lipped smile he gave others. Sadly the more observant and nosy members (Jeonghan, Jun, Seungkwan, & Mingyu) continually pestered me about my crush just like right now.

“Noona you know you can just confess to him right?” Mingyu said as he laid on my bed. We were all going to hang out and decided to meet on my floor but  those four purposefully came early just to tease me about my crush on Joshua.

“Well I mean yeah I can but that doesn’t mean I will.” I stated with an eye roll.

“He wouldn’t turn you down though.” Jun added from his seat on the floor, hugging my pillow.

“Yeah he wouldn’t turn me down because he’s too nice to hurt my feelings.” I said from the bathroom as I fixed my hair into a bun.

“Or he has a big crush on you too?” Jeonghan said as I walked out.

“Jeonghan, don’t start. I’ve been at this place before. It always ends bad and Joshua is an amazing person I’m not losing him as a friend because I can’t control my feelings.

“Aish both you and hyung never listen to us when we tell you guys to just confess to each other.” Seungkwan let slip as the boys shot pointed looks at him. I whipped my head to look at the boy sitting at my desk in shock.

“You guys have been doing what?!” I asked nearly shouting.The boys gave me cheeky smiles before sprinting out of my room.

“Hey!” I called after them.

With a sigh I grabbed my bag and headed out of my room. A few of the other boys had arrived and they started conversing amongst themselves. One of them being Joshua, who noticed my entrance first. The four who had just escaped me shot me teasing grins from behind Joshua’s back as he walked up to me. I had to fight the urge to shoot them a dirty look in case Joshua mistakes it for me giving him one.

“Hey Josh.” I said with a smile.

“Hey Yerin. Why were Jeonghan, Jun, Mingyu, and Seungkwan running out of your room like their lives depended on it?” He asked with a laugh. I loved his laugh it was soft and airy like his voice. I stopped myself from that thought train and replied.

“They were just teasing me.” I said dismissing the thought.

Joshua gave a small chuckle but he seemed unsettled by something, his gaze kept wandering. I was about to ask him when the rest of the boys came and I lost my chance. We ended up going to a trendy burger place a bit far from the campus. We had lots of fun just hanging out there until we were kicked out because Soonyoung and Seokmin were being too loud and disturbing the other customers. We then headed to an ice cream parlor and got some ice cream before going to a small park near the campus. The whole time Joshua was being himself but there seemed to be something bothering him as his energy seemed a bit forced at times. As all the boys were playing on the play structures I decided to take a breather and rest on a bench near by. I got lost in thought about what was up with Joshua that I forgot about my ice cream and before I knew it, it was nearly melted. I let a pout form on my face before an airy chuckle passed my ears.

“Here hand it to me.” Joshua said,reaching his hand out. I obliged and handed him my ice cream cone. In an instant the ice cream froze again and Joshua handed me my cone, shooting me a blue-eyed wink.

“Whoa. You really got a hang of controlling how frozen you make things.” I stated happily.

“It’s an acquired skill set when Mingyu forget to put away the ice cream.” He said with a laugh. We sat in a comfortable silence for awhile before I decided to vocalize my worries.

“Hey Josh are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why would you say that?”

“I don’t know you seem a bit more spacey than usual.” I say trying to explain it in a not weird way. A light smile dance across his lips.

“This is why I like you.” Escaped his lips. It was barely above a whisper but the fact that he covered his mouth as the escaped confirmed I heard correct.

“Wait you like me?” I asked quickly before he could make an excuse.

“Well… I mean… Aish this wasn’t supposed to come out this way.” He said with a sigh before continuing.

“Yeah. I like you Yerin. Honestly I liked you before you found out too. You were aloof and didn’t really care about what others said about you. You were always so confident in your ability and didn’t let failure knock you down.”

“I like you too Josh.” I said as a relieved smile spread across my lips.

“Then would you be my girlfriend?” He said matching my expression.

“I’d love to.”

“FINALLY!” Mingyu shouted from the play structure.

We both turned to see that all the boys stopped what they were doing and had been watching us for sometime. A blush graced both our faces as Soonyoung and Seokmin began to mock us and the boys yelled in celebration. Seungkwan especially felt the need to say I told you so to both of us as neither of us believed the younger’s words.

It’s been two months since then. When the whole department found out about us dating it became the hottest gossip of the year as the American heartthrob finally found a girlfriend. Many of the girls were heartbroken and surprisingly some of the guys were as well. Oddly the fact that we were dating increased my admirer count. For some reason more guys tried to hit on me now that I had a boyfriend and it was quite irritating. One guy in particular just wouldn’t stop, Choi Taehoon. He was an underclassman who constantly tried to hit on me when Joshua wasn’t around and always tried to get into my personal space. I was hanging out with Jeonghan and Chan, walking to the  cafeteria when Taehoon came into view.

“Oh Yerin-sunbae what a surprise! How about you and me go grab lunch?” He flirted,completely ignoring Jeonghan and Chan.

“How about no.” I stated flatly.

“Awww come on now it’s just as friends.” He said coming closer and I instinctively stepped back, getting closer to Jeonghan. I guess they both got the vibe because Chan stepped in as Jeonghan slightly pulled me behind him.

“She’s good, so why don’t you leave?” Chan stated coldly.

“Chill we’re friends. I’ll see you around Yerin-sunbae.” He stated before stepping back and leaving.

“Are you okay?” Jeonghan asked.

“Yeah I’m fine. Let’s just go.” Sadly they wanted answers, especially Jeonghan, so once we settled with our food they urged me to spill.

“He’s just an underclassman from my department that keeps hitting on me, it’s not a big deal.” I stated.

“Does he not know you’re dating Joshua-hyung?” Dino asked stunned at Taehoon’s audacity.

“Well if he didn’t when he started he does now. I’ve told him countless times that I had a boyfriend but he won’t stop.”

“Did you tell Joshua?” Jeonghan asked.

“…no. It’s nothing big. I can handle it.” I tried to brush it off but Jeonghan stared daggers at me.

“Yerin, the fact that you felt the need to hide behind me means it’s a big deal. You’re even uncomfortable talking about it.” He reasoned.

“I know but I don’t want worry him. Taehoon does make me uncomfortable but he’s harmless.”

“You know we can’t keep this from hyung right?” Dino added.

“I know. At least let me tell him first.”

“Okay. How about right now?” Jeonghan asked. I gave him a puzzled look before I followed his gaze. I guess Joshua’s lecture got out early as he was now approaching our table.

“Hey babe.” He said as he kissed the top of my head before taking the seat next to me and across from Chan. We all had small talk but the other two boys continually shot me looks to talk to him about it so I let out a sigh before turning to my boyfriend.

“Josh, you know Taehoon?” I asked carefully.

“Yeah what about him?”

“Well… actually he’s been hitting on me for a couple of weeks now. I explained to him that I have a boyfriend but he still continues to do it and it’s getting to the point where I’m getting uncomfortable.”

“He’s been doing it for a couple of weeks? Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

“I didn’t think he would be a problem so I didn’t want to worry you.” I stated, staring down at my lap.

“We can figure something out together okay?” He stated as he grabbed my hand.

“Okay… I have to go to class now.” I stated as I looked at the clock.

“I can walk you to class.” He offered.

“No it’s fine. You haven’t finished your lunch so take your time. I’ll see you later ‘kay?” I spoke, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze before grabbing my stuff to go.

“Okay.”

As I left I heard Jeonghan begin to tell him the incident that happened just before we got to the cafeteria and I let out a sigh before leaving. In the middle of class Joshua texted me that he would meet me near the track because he was meeting a friend there. I responded with a quick okay before turning back to the professor. The lecture finished earlier than the professor thought so she dismissed us early today. I decided to go to where Joshua was now although I was an hour early. I could just study while he’s talking. On my walk there, as I got closer to where Joshua was I started to feel cold… There is only one person who could make a warm spring day cold. What was going on? He has never lost his composure before. Why is his power being let loose so carefreely? The worry in me set a heavy feeling on my chest as I picked up my pace to our meeting place. Approaching the meeting place I saw Taehoon and Joshua talking with one another. I looked at Joshua’s hands and they were clenched into tight fists, his right hand starting to take on its pale blue form. I rushed to his side immediately and grabbed his hand. It was ice cold and it hurt to keep hold of it but I bit back the pain and glared at the boy in front on me.

“What’s going on here?” I growled. The pain in my hand became a numb throbbing as I felt his grip loosen and his hand started to warm up again.

“Nothing. He approached me first. How about you and me ditch this nerd and hang huh?” Taehoon said as he reached out in attempt to wrap his arm around my shoulder.

“Don’t. Fucking. Touch. Me.” I spoke through gritted teeth. I don’t usually cuss unless I’m really pissed so that said something.

“Oh feisty now aren’t we? I like feisty.” Taehoon continued, flirting shamelessly. I slipped my hand into Joshua’s as I glared at Taehoon.

“Don’t touch me. Don’t talk to me. Don’t even walk the same direction as me! You’re fucking annoying and creepy as hell. Leave me alone or else.” I stated angrily.

“Or else what princess?” He pushed.

“Or else this.” Joshua spoke as his hand let go of mine to grab Taehoon’s collar and punched him so hard he had a busted lip. Once again he slipped his hand back into mine and we both left. Once we were far from there we stopped by a bench and took a seat.

“Josh, what did he say to you for you to lose control? I was surprised.” I asked turning to him.

“He was saying vulgar things about you… ” He said shyly as his fists began to clench again. I rested my hand on top of his and he relaxed them once again.

“Thank you for being my knight in shining armor.” I teased, half joking but mostly meaning it.

“Anything for you.” He said pleased. We stared into each other’s eyes and I caught him look at my lips. A playful smile played on my lips as I leaned in and kissed him on the lips. Once we pulled away he rested his forehead on mine.

“I love you Joshua Hong.”

“And I love you Kim Yerin.”

[pangeasplits]

I have read your works! And I love 'The Stars Incline us, they don't bind us' so muuuuuch. If this is not too much to ask, can you make cherik fic rec? Thank you! Keep writing, awesome!

thank you very much, i’m glad you enjoyed my stuff! :3 

since this blog is exactly 5 years old today, what better occasion is there to do cherik fic rec post, as lurking around cherik fic rec tumblr posts waaay back in the day is actually what originally brought me to tumblr in the first place. the following list is in no particular order, and odds are i like multiple fics by the authors included but i was determined to limit myself to one from each (though in some cases, this was a veeeery close call, haha).

anyway, the actual title of this list is coincidentally the main criteria i used in the interest of not having it stretch on for miles, which is to say:

Cherik Fics Pan Has Reread An Embarrassing Amount Of Times Throughout Her XMFC Fandom Tenure:

Hier steh ich an den Marken meiner Tage by MonstrousRegiment

Erik Lehnsherr is a spy in the SS, and his British liaison is strategist Charles Xavier. Their relationship from the moment they meet to a year after the end of the war.

“You’re the only person in the world who knows what I am.”

Boden’s Mate by kaydeefalls

“Shaw has information that we need, and we need him alive to extract it,” Moira says, and there it is: the job is on the table. Extraction.

XMFC/Inception fusion AU. Erik is an extractor, Alex is his point man. They’re assembling a team to go after the most dangerous mind in dreamsharing: Sebastian Shaw. But unless Alex and the team can keep him in check, Erik’s desire for vengeance might just rip the whole job apart around them – and then there’s the shade that haunts his dreams…

Malastare Racer by ikeracity

Ignoring strict instructions from Master Emma to stay hidden, Charles and Erik decide to enter themselves into the Gorian Podracing Classic. Because they’re idiots like that.

Star Wars AU!

The Secret of the Knights Templar by madneto

Erik is a CIA agent who has been tracking down black market dealer and occultist Sebastian Shaw for the past ten years with no real end in sight. When he stumbles upon an unexpected lead that will put him one step ahead of Shaw at last, archaeology professor and Templar enthusiast Charles Xavier becomes unwittingly entangled in the fray, and Erik suddenly finds himself with a brand new partner who is the only one who can truly help him on what’s become a quest to find the Holy Grail. But Charles is even more than Erik bargained for, especially after they’re forced to pretend to be a married couple as a cover while racing to find the Grail before Shaw does, and both Erik and Charles find they’ve possibly bitten off more than they can chew.

Powered AU vaguely inspired by Indiana Jones and James Bond movies.

Their Mouths Always Lie by keire_ke

Charles adheres to most police protocols like they are a personal code of conduct. Erik gets things done and over with, for better or worse. Raven knows what she’s doing, most of the time. The serial killer kills, regardless. Police AU.

Try, Try Again by and_backagain

Except that this has happened before, he thinks with a start, and something in his throat closes up as he revolves on the spot, already knowing what he’s going to see. Charles’ back is arching as he falls, his eyes wide, and the crumpled bullet falls to the sand beside him like a calling card. X-Men: First Class Groundhog Day!AU.

The Courtship by dvs

A story about a courtship that began five hundred years ago.

Beloved of ravens by khaleesian

978 A.D. Charles never uses his power, Erik never hesitates. Can a man be both the void and what fills it?

Limited Release by rageprufrock

When Alex Summers broke out of supermax to rescue his stupid kid brother, he had no idea it was going to be so fucking complicated.

A Curious Carriage of Crystal and Cold by Etharei

Charles, a miner from a poor village in the countryside, saves the life of Erik Lehnsherr, scion of a successful business family and the richest man on the planet Eisen. Charles is a telepath and somewhat anxious about it, while Erik abstains from relationships because the lights flicker and doors open and electronics vibrate when he gets too excited.

Also featuring a long-suffering sister, a foul-mouthed bodyguard, and a best friend with a heart that is definitely not gold.

In which there are princes, spaceships, long journeys, and old secrets uncovered. (An AU sci-fi fairytale)

The Tower and the Hurricane by dreamlittleyo

(Post-XMFC AU.) Five years after Shaw’s death, Erik’s predictions prove painfully accurate. Violence rages on both sides of the human/mutant conflict. In a world ravaged by war, it doesn’t really matter who’s more at fault. Charles struggles to teach his students a better way, but what choices will he make when peace really isn’t an option?

The Masked Man (Who Has Everything) by Traincat

The one where Erik is Batman, and Charles is kidnapped roughly once a week.

At the End of Day and Night All We Want is More by cm (mumblemutter)

It’s already too late. (Alien/Prometheus AU)

If You Liked The Book, You’ll Hate The Movie by paperclipbitch

Modern-Day High School AU. It’s not until Hank realises half the class are glancing towards the back of the classroom with something like nerves and something like schadenfreude that he finds out Alex Summers is back.

Pantheon by Yahtzee

In the year 96 AD, all Rome is aware that their gods have begun to Mark certain people with their gifts – the healing power of Apollo, the metal control of Vulcan, the deathly touch of Pluto, or the mental powers of Minerva. When those gifts fall to slaves or barbarians instead of the Romans themselves, strict control is necessary.

Then a gladiator from Judea meets an enslaved scribe from Britannia, and the repercussions will shake the Empire itself.

Swimming with Sharks by Not_You

Erik used to be a shark. Now he’s not, and has to figure out how to be a good human father to his twins. Charles is willing to help.

To Do List by Black_Betty

Somehow, Charles and Erik have become one of those couples who rarely see each other because of their busy schedules. They’re SO busy, they haven’t had sex in weeks. Erik has had enough, and forms a coordinated plan of attack. Charles is less than helpful.

On Hearts and the Finding of Lost Treasures (The Tombs and the Raiding Thereof Remix) by luninosity

The first time he met Charles Xavier, Erik Lehnsherr was—reluctantly, angrily, and decidedly against his will—impressed. This may’ve had something to do with the fact that Charles had just given him a sunny smile and somersaulted a foot over his head.

Watching the Stars Slide Down by groovyphilia

Seventeen-year-old Charles Xavier is ridiculously wealthy, and is used to being paraded around for show at his mother’s high-society Christmas parties. He’s always been rather sporting about it, and dutifully rubs shoulders with the elite every year in the glitz of the mansion ballroom.

This year, he meets a man by the name of Erik Lehnsherr.

Utopia by Takmarierah [Note: WIP but I had to include this fic]

It’s been five years since the beach, and four years since Charles was captured by the Brotherhood. Since then, he’s been kept in a safe house while Erik finally achieved what Shaw failed to do.

Now that most of humanity has been eradicated, Erik’s summoned Charles back to his side, promising a cure and political influence in exchange for Charles’ help - but Charles knows it’s only a matter of time before he asks for more.

Neither Rhyme Nor Reason by unveiled

Charles liked to tell people that the first time they met, Serik punched a kitten. (Or, the one where Erik is an angry Vulcan, Charles is still a telepath, and grief still shapes their lives.)

Incy Wincy Spider by Tawabids

Erik Lehnsherr is a renowned homicide detective, with his husband Charles at home and his partner on the job, Moira MacTaggert. When a twisted serial killer starts targeting mutants, Erik and Moira are the perfect team for the job, especially since Erik himself is the mutant poster-boy of an NYPD trying to improve their image.

But what they don’t yet know is that the serial killer is an old soul out of Erik’s past, and his next move is to pull Charles into his web.

The Amazing Adventures of Cat-Man by so_shhy

Charles is the non-powered, butt-kicking, high-tech teen sidekick of a cheesy superhero. Erik is the sidekick of the corresponding cheesy supervillain, and makes Charles’s life even more complicated than it already is.

Spy Games by manic_intent

Burn Notice AU, with Erik Lehnsherr as the spy and Charles as the trigger-happy ex boyfriend. Erik is burned for unknown reasons in Mexico and wakes up in New York City. Somehow, he needs to raise $500,000, in order to find out -why-.

Aaaand a shameless plug, since you brought it up, and since to this day ike and i still look at this fic and ask each other “wtf how” (and also we reread each other’s bits and yell at each other):

The stars incline us, they do not bind us by ikeracity, Pangea

Intergalactic Federation pilot Lieutenant Charles Xavier is assigned last-minute to a high profile mission: transporting over two thousand prison inmates from an old and overfilled prison complex to a newer, higher-capacity prison stronghold located on the outer reaches of the galaxy. Just as he’s settling down for a long and uneventful ride, things take a turn for the worse after the inmates riot and stage a hostile takeover of the ship, leaving Charles to find himself at the complete mercy of cold-blooded killers and facing the chilling prospect that he might not ever make it back home alive.