#hui scenarios

[coupsjin]

ੈ✩‧₊˚ svt hyung line: your first date

╰┈➤ summary: your first date! (obviously) so cute

╰┈➤ warnings: svt x afab, kissing (coups, wonwoo, kind of jun)

╰┈➤ a picture is provided for every member, just for you to visualize the setting!

250-400 words per member!

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

scoups / seungcheol

he asks for your number after spotting you at a bbq restaurant. he carefully plans out the perfect picnic date, followed by a night walk by han river! he heavily interviews mingyu on how to make salads, pastas, and anything else he thought you might like.

"you must really like this girl, hyung"

the day comes. he decides to wear simple jeans with a black shirt and sweater (to give to you later ofc!). his legs feel like jelly and become weak with nervousness and excitement, replaying the moment you made eye contact with him in the restaurant and softly smiling to himself. he opens the door and sees you in a stunning outfit, taking a moment to admire you and takes in a breath of the fresh spring air.

"shall we?" he said with sparkles in his eyes.

when you and cheol pick a location under a tree, he gloats about all the delicious food he made you that morning. it's a bit awkward, but the way he talks and looks at you make you at ease.

after having the food he made, it has now become night. like his plan, he gives you his sweater that is way too big for you. he laughs and teases you, but you're distracted by the smell of his cologne wrapped around your body. you blush, and take his hand.

after many laughs and serious conversations, he suddenly turns in your direction and looks into your confused eyes.

"have i told you that you look beautiful tonight?" he says in an almost whisper, a smirk plastering on his face.

he moves one of his hands to the back of your neck, the other moving to your waist, and leans in for a soft kiss.

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

jeonghan

you approach him, but he falls harder. you and jeonghan had a few classes together, and you've waved and made casual small talk a couple times. at first it seemed like nothing - just a classmate. but as your conversations grew more personal, you could sense something was different. did jeonghan think the same?

you decided to put it to the test. after class, you went to his locker and asked if he wanted to study at the library together that day. he jokingly asked if this was a date, and you being flustered, bluntly answered:

"of course not! i just need help with homework."

he agreed, and you came to the conclusion that he didn't feel the same way. until you saw him have a huge smile on his face when he turned to his locker.

at the library, jeonghan kept stealing glances at you. you caught on quite fast, and looked at him back, holding eye contact.

"what, am i that handsome?" he teased.

focused on studying, you didn't pay attention to him for a while. when you do peep a glace, you can see that he's asleep on top of his math books. you were first mad, because he promised to help you with your english assignment. but seeing his long eyelashes cover his cheeks, and his slow breathing made you stare at him for longer.

when you turned your attention back to your textbooks, he opened his eyes a tiny bit, and smiled when he saw you stuck on a problem.

"she looks so pretty." he thought, while pretending to wake up.

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

joshua / jisoo

you meet on a plane, coincidentally sitting next to each other. he smiles when you sit down, and makes small talk while you wait for the plane to lift off. he messages jeonghan for desperate help, wanting to ask for your number but too scared to approach you. he ultimately does get your number, and asks you on a date when you land in korea.

he decides to take you to a street market on a hot summer day. he takes you around different vendors, asking if you want anything at each one. jisoo runs across a bracelet stand, and immediately starts choosing one for both of you. he finds one with a cute bear charm and buys two, running back to you and showing them off.

"what do you think?" he asks, beaming with excitement.

you obviously love them and wear it on your right wrist.

it was getting way too hot, so you two decided to take a break and go to a restaurant for dinner. you have meaningful conversations and have a good laugh when he talks about the time when he poured a huge glass of ice water down seungkwans back, and funny times while living with the members. as time went on, you became comfortable with him.

at the end of your date, he insists you come back to his place for ramen and a movie, but you politely decline as you had some work to finish up.

"i guess that'll be our next date, then." you say, lighting his disappointed face up with a huge smile.

"deal."

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

jun / junhui

you and jun are old friends. you've been friends for 5 years now, and jun hasn't felt attraction to you at all - until now.

at one of your usual hang outs with the rest of your friend group, he pulls you aside from the bar and leads you outside. the streetlamp lit up his face, revealing his sharp nose and eyes. he asks if you want to come over the next day and watch his new drama, exclusive fairytale.

"oh, and it's a date." he says confidently, waiting to see your reaction.

you've also liked junhui for quite some time now, so you were excited to say the least. you happily agree and head back inside to finish up the night out.

you arrive at his house with a comfy but flattering outfit, nervous and excited to see him. you ring the doorbell and the door immediately opens. he welcomes you to his apartment and you head inside and get settled, while he's busy on his phone.

"what are you doing on your phone, jun?" you ask.

"ordering food for our date! what do you wanna eat?"

you decide to order pizza with fried chicken and coke, which he happily orders while smiling at you.

when the food arrives, he turns on the show and you eat the food while catching glances at him. a romantic scene between him and the female lead character plays, and you glare at jun who looks at you nervously.

"is this why you wanted to show me this, so i can get jealous?" you sulked jokingly. he laughs it off and says something you didn't expect.

"wanna recreate it?"

authors note: OMG i had so much fun writing jun's part... yes pls lets recreate it jun

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

hoshi / soonyoung

you met at a dance class held by hybe. he was one of the teachers, and had his eyes on you the whole time. by the end of the class, he was always standing beside or near you, and complimenting you on your dance skills. he pulls you aside and asks for your number (he makes an excuse and says that he would like to collab with you sometime, and not in by any means romantic).

later in the month, you meet him a couple more times to discuss possible collabs and choreos. during the most recent "meet-ups":

"dino cancelled our plans on the weekend.. i wonder what i can do instead?" he asks you with hopeful but nervous eyes.

you suggest asking one of the other members to go out, which he immediately declines for some odd reason. his face scrunches up, thinking of something.

"i want to go with you! lets go bowling this saturday."

surprised by his sudden proposal, you get flustered. it was true that you had developed some level of feelings for soonyoung after talking with him every week, but you didn't expect this.

on the date, both of you had a BLAST. it was a mix of pure rivalry, and taking short glimpses when he was drinking water, or when he wasn't looking at you. hoshi felt the same way. he teased you for struggling to pick up the bowling ball, and having a slip when you were returning to your seat.

he insisted to drive you home. on the drive back, the laughter continued. the moon was big and bright, with seventeen's "imperfect love" playing on the speaker - it was perfect.

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

wonwoo

being the new girl in school, wonwoo had his eyes on you from the start. he isn't the most extroverted type, so he always kept his distance from you. his friends are always teasing him when they catch him staring at you from across the room. it's a big deal for wonwoo to like someone - but it was an easy decision with you.

after school, he approaches you and asks you to a casual dinner (this was when you guys started talking and had become friends). you weren't too sure at first, because you wanted to focus on your studies.

"i guess i'll give him one chance." you thought, and agreed.

he booked a reservation at a pretty prestigious restaurant to impress you. he picks you up at your house, and it's super awkward on the ride there. by the time you two sit down, he's practically begging for the menu just to have something else to talk about.

suddenly, after the food arrived, you two hit it off. conversations were flowing, you were comfortable, laughs were shared, and your feelings for him grew.

when you were talking about one of your classes at school, he stared at you with the most sincere you've ever seen him. flustered, you pause.

"why, what's wrong?" he asks

"nothing's wrong - i'm just admiring you."

after a successful dinner, you walk along the path of a park lit with fireflies and street lamps.

"can i hold your hand?" he asks

instead of replying, you interlock his hand with yours, feeling his warmth travel up your arm. he lifts up your hand and gives it a soft kiss.

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

woozi / jihoon (woozi x producer y/n)

it all started when you sat next to each other in a meeting. you really looked up to him as a producer, and wanted to get to know him better (in a platonic way). after the meeting had ended, everyone gathered for refreshments outside of the room. you asked jihoon for his number, which he happily gave you. he also loved your work and looked forward to meeting with you soon.

you met several times at hybe again, briefly having conversations or just waving when you both were busy. jihoon has had the opportunity to work with you for projects and future plans, and was always the one to initiate new ideas and new meetings. he was just excited to see you.

although both of you had feelings for each other, you couldn't risk professionalism in the work place. so you set it aside. until one day, when you two were alone in his studio, he said the unexpected.

"look - i know this is unprofessional, but i can't help it. would you like to go on a date some time?"

you obviously agreed, having your eye on him for a long time. the plan was to go to an aquarium after work, then return back to finish up some more work.

the aquarium was a walking distance, so it was pretty easy to choose a day. you had a great time at the aquarium, joking with him and just staring at the fish tanks for a long time without a word.

it was time to head back to the hybe office. when you got outside, it was raining. hard. you both looked at each other and bursted out laughing.

"i guess we have to make a run for it!" he said excitingly. he grabbed your hand, and counted down from 3.

"3... 2... 1... go!!"

you ran through the rain, feeling cold splatters on your face and laughing out loud with the perfect guy.

authors note: this is literally so cute.. i saw that picture on pinterest and knew that it had to be woozi :')

[ryuwonieebae]

My actor Boyfriend

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𝐉𝐔𝐍 (준), Imagines, One-shot

Pairing : bf!Jun x fem!reader

Genre : fluff, romance

Warning : mentions of being dead, use of pet names(?), boyfriend girlfriend relation, mentions of crying

A/n : This fanfiction is purely based on my imagination only. It's totally fictional. I hope this is good enough to make you guys happy. I'm still learning to write creatively. Thank you for supporting me. It means a lot to me. Thanks to my besties too<3...

When your boyfriend almost gave you a heart attack by his acting skills..

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"You undomestic wicked cat! HOW DARE YOU?!"

"It was an accident! Sorry!"

"So you were accidentally trying to kill me? Maybe I should throw another soap on the floor so you would fall!"

The ear-piercing scream of yours echoed throughout the hallway with you practically exploding with rage. It was intensely piercing that you even had a voice malfunction for a moment. Nevertheless, your outrage hasn't soothed.

Jun was sprinting, trying to escape, breath ragged. As you both were almost near the stairs, you captured Jun by his shoulder but it wasn't firm enough. Which eventually made you lose the grip and propel him with much force. Jun rumbled down the stairs while groaning in pain.

At that moment, you were frozen with utter silence. Unable to process anything at the sight of your boyfriend. After getting back to earth from caratland, you scurried towards Jun who was laying on the floor. In trepidation, you positioned his head on your lap, tapping his delicate rosy cheeks. A tear rolled down your cheek after getting no response. Is it the end? Did you just kill your own boyfriend? Guilty feeling flooded in you, not being able to accept it.

Swiftly, someone's hand surrounded your neck, connecting his warm lips to yours. It was non-other than Jun. Hence, this whole time he was actually feigning? No wonder he's an actor. He deserves the Oscar. Like man what the heck? Jun moved away his lips from yours, giving you a cheeky smile. You felt overwhelmed, your heart skipped a beat and your soul almost left your body. A sigh of solace left your mouth, noticing your boyfriend is more than okay. You smacked Jun's chest out of irritation. You so wanna wipe off his smug look by whacking him. Yet you didn't wanna end up in jail.

The feeling of electricity went throughout your body when Jun once again pulled you in for a tender kiss and broke it again. The heck?

Eyebrows scrunched together with the tensed jaw, you gave Jun a peeved look. Foremost, he basically killed you. Secondly, you had to run a marathon just to catch him. Thirdly, he literally pretended to be dead. Fourthly, he made you shed tears for no reason. Fourthly, he doesn't give you a proper kiss. (I swear my anger issues could never)

Meanwhile, for Jun, the only way to make it up to you is by kissing you over and over not knowing it annoys you a lot. Which he actually did until you forgave him. I guess someone's sleeping on the couch for another two days...

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[minimultiestfandoms]

Pentagon reaction to you asking to tie a bow around it pt.1

requested: no

wanted to start doing fake texts as they are easier to do then writing full fledged fanfics and i’ve been busy with uni and work so please note fake texts are only open for now! i might open small headcanons later on when i get more used to my schedule!

— sunnie

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Hui

Jinho

Hongseok

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taglist; @bigkpopstan, @baka-writings, @haechansfbuddy, @jeonronwoo, @jiminslostjam, @bluejaem, @jisungismymom, @hyuckography, @i-luvsang, @neocrush, @moonshineboyz, @chewryy, @sugarcherriess, @neochan, @jinkoh, @shinwolo, @hazyhae, @mrkis, @dollyji, @tddyhyck, @mrkjaems

[cyncialwoo]

Lies Dipped in Rococo

-pairing: hyunggu x reader, huitaek x reader

-genre: angst, smut, rococo au, the progress of love???

-words: 7k words

-warnings: a bit of yelling,

-a/n: This one was in the works for a while. I might release a part two... if it goes well, and maybe separate endings. I just wanted to put something out there. I'm still active I swear!!! Thank you all for support!! >>Masterlist

Rococo is an art style, a lifestyle. Organically shaped and covered in gold and pastel colors. Putting an innocent tone over paintings that aren’t so innocent, for tea rooms where women gossip. The high life of the French. 

You sat in the tea room with the other ladies. You had on your best fake smile. You were the youngest out of all of them. Recently, you married the high priest. It was arranged, of course, but he was quite handsome. His name was Kang Hyunngu. Unlike your husband, you grew up in a noble lifestyle. He climbed his way to the top. 

You hummed at one of the lady’s comments. You weren’t listening to what she was saying. You were staring at the panties around the room. One caught your eye, a picture of naked figures on the sea with putti above them. 

“I see you like the painting I added to my collection.” She smiled at you. Her name was…. You could not seem to remember her first name. But her last name stuck out to you. You were still new to this group. Learning all of their names would take time.

“Ah yes, Mrs. Beaumont. What is the name of the painting?” You gained the attention of the ladies in the room. Most of them didn’t have an eye for art. You knew of some that would have their maids. 

“The Triumph of Venus by Francious Boucher.” She let out a slight smile while sipping her tea. You nodded back to her and let the conversation move elsewhere. 

.

The piece stuck with you throughout the day. It could be because of the erotic nature of the painting. She had planned a day to go to the academy to look at the new pieces. You took care of most of the finances in the relationship. It was the only task that you had that wasn’t mundane.  

When you went to his office, he barely looked at you when the two of you were talking about taking over the finances. He replied with one word and pointed at the finance books. You didn’t know him too well at that time. He didn’t know you too well either. 

You picked up the books and looked back at him. He hadn’t looked up from his papers to see you out. It seemed that he did not have even a bit of interest in you. You didn’t talk to him much after you left his office that day. The two of you had never sat down and had a proper conversation. With you, he was reserved and you were the same with him. Neither of you would open up. 

.

You had been home since the meeting at the Beaumonts' place. You were going over the spending for the month, what was in savings, and what were the allowances. You were in your own office, like a hermit. Most days you wouldn’t dare to come out ‘til supper. There was no reason to stroll, but now you wanted to explore art galleries. You were looking down at the finance book, how much money should be put away for artwork? How much did it cost to be a patron?

You could send a letter to some ladies, but you know how judgemental they are. You could ask your head maid to do some digging on others. You were reading about the art world, trying to get as much information as possible.

You had been alone for a while when someone entered the room. You didn’t pay it too much attention at first until a shadow had loomed over you. You looked up to meet the eyes of your husband. 

“To what do I owe the pleasure of seeing you this late in my office?” You gave him a smile reaching out your hand. He took it and placed a small kiss. It was a flirty gesture you made at him, but a large smile reciprocated it. 

“I hope you will be this public for our upcoming ball.” You raised your eyebrows at his words. Hyunggu wasn’t a social type of person. 

“A ball? Us? We barely attend others, and you want me to host?” You added a bit of a playful tone in your voice even though the matter was serious. Your fake concern was seen, but not spoken on. Although it was true, you did not attend many balls when the two of you married. People didn’t see you and Hyunngy together outside in public often. This would be a first. “I was hoping for a change. I want to present our name as something grand. I am sure you can handle hosting”

You hummed for a bit. “I can handle hosting and planning, but can you handle all the aristocrats? They can be quite annoying.” No matter how much you wanted to add to a pet name, you held yourself back. He hadn’t gone that far with you, and you wouldn’t with him.

“I can’t wait to see how you pull it together. It is in a month. That should give you enough time.” He gave you one final smile before he left the room. He didn’t prolong the conversation, but you wanted him to. The conversation was a bit longer, and you thought you had kept the mood up. So why didn’t Hyunggu talk to you for just a little while longer? He seriously drove you crazy.

.

You were busy the rest of the week trying to design some theme for your home and party. You were still hung up on the artistic style of rococo and decided to go with that as a theme. It was a new and upcoming style. It would make the two of you seem more stylish than you gave off. And you had to budget the whole ball plus the gowns. To you– that was the most important part of the event. It would probably cost more than the catering and cake. 

You knew one thing for certain, you were going to be locked inside your office for the rest of the day. 

. 

The ball rolled around, and you were exhausted from all the planning. You had your maids help her get ready, the dress, the makeup, the hair. There was a sense of pride when you walked downstairs and saw the array of flowers and colors of pastels. Some of the paintings that you ordered have come and were displayed. 

Your husband walked up to you, “It looks amazing such as you do.” You smiled. You felt flattered. 

“Thank you.” 

You sat on a couch sipping tea while watching your husband converse with others. It was a big party with a large guest list. You thought that you were in over your head inviting people that were of a higher class than you. Especially this one noble family. Their son was best friends with the prince. You didn’t expect them to arrive, but it still was a way to get your name out there. 

Your made rushed to you whispering in your ear that they had arrived. You jolted up, the excitement was too much. You followed the maid to where. You were too stunned to speak just follow. It felt like there was no possible way that this man could be in your house right now. 

You walked up to him, still beaming with excitement. “Nice to meet you, Mr Lee. Thank you for coming to my event tonight.” When you looked up at him you could feel your heart beating faster. He had a sweet puppy-like face and was too handsome. Now you were glad he came to your event. 

“Now that I’ve met you, I can say that I’ve come for a good cause.” He reached out his hand to your own slowly bending down to kiss it without making eye contact. There was heat in your cheeks. “Why don’t you show me around your lovely home?”  There was a look in his eye, something of interest. 

.

You showed him around your house, ending up in your private library on a couch. The two of you were laughing. You had to say, he got some good conversation out of you. The more you two drank, the more handsy Hui had gotten. His hands hovering above your own and his eyes rarely broke contact with your own. You sucked in a breath before you took another sip of champagne. It had already been late when Hui arrived at the party, heavens knows what time it is now. 

The two of you were still in deep conversation when your maid slipped into the room looking a bit nervous. She tapped you on the shoulder. “Erm… I just wanted to (warn) tell you that your husband has been looking for you and is headed to the library. Most of the guests have left by now.” 

You brushed it off waving your hand in the air, “It’s probably about the clean-up and what to do next.” You had a smile on your face with a pink tint on your cheeks. It was Hyunggu and he didn’t talk much to you. He only spoke business because, technically, you were part of his business image. 

“Oh dear, does that mean I have to part ways with you already? I thought we were just getting started,” Hui added as he snuck his hand under your own and laid a kiss upon it once more. He had an enamored look in his eyes now like he got a taste of what he was looking for. 

The made to you two was once again a ghost, and nothing else existed but the sound of your voices and the heat between your bodies. The only thing that would break the trance would be two hands on your shoulders. Surprised, you looked behind you to find Hyunggu. “Oh, Dear! You have to meet my new friend. He says my home is lovely and–”

“I'm sure our home is lovely, you designed it after all, but shouldn’t I be the one to talk business with the man, I am the husband.” He didn’t leave much room for you to respond, tightening his grip on your shoulders. You spoke no more. 

“Ah, we should soon. Let’s make a date where I can come over again.” Hui had a smug look that anyone could mistake for liquor. But the way that Hui made a quick glance at you, made your heart skip a beat.

“You’re right. Tonight has already gone too far. I’ll walk you to the door.” Hui stood up and you watched him. Hyunggu had finally lifted his harsh grip from your shoulders. You stood up as well, but the men were already half out of the door. Hui looked back at you and gave you a wink with a soft smile. 

.

You had returned to your room undressing, bathing, dressing, and slipping into bed with a book. Hui gave you a recommendation from your library, and you promised to read it. You had walked around the library with Hui before sitting down and talking. Hui was an observer, the way he watched you talk, and the way he examined the room. While the two of you walked around the book collection, he suddenly pulled out a book and gave it to you. You smiled to yourself holding the book to your chest. There was a knock at your door that interrupted your flashback– or shall I say daydream. “Come in.” You said in a soft voice to the person on the other side of the door. 

Hyunggu opened it, only now you were able to see his eyes. Angry, almost, but for a reason that you don’t know. You only turned to him to see who walked into your room, then turned back to your book. 

Your husband bored you and to you, whatever he was going to say would not make it any better, so you went back to your book. You heard him sigh, maybe it was the stress from hosting such a huge party. You flipped the page. 

“Do you have any shame?” Hyunggu said in a slightly irritated voice. It was clear he was trying to hold himself back, but the venom slipped through the cracks. 

“What?” You said now putting your book aside. You looked directly at him. 

“You disappear for half of the night into some secluded room, and you don’t think people will talk. Especially with that man’s ties with the prince?!” There was urgency in Hyunggu’s voice. He ran his hands through his hair. He was still angry, now you looked at him, analyzing him. He hadn’t changed from his attire from the part. He looked like he had been sweaty. You were sure it had been some time since Hyunggu walked Hui out the front door. So what had he been doing since then? 

Either way, he was coming for you, almost accusing you of adultery. Sure, you didn’t like Hyunggu as a husband, but you did have some respect for the man. “So this is about image? Because if it is–”

“It’s not about image it’s about the fact that my WIFE was gone half of the night and I didn’t even have an answer as to where you were. God, I had to ask your maid for an idea. The event went well if people weren’t asking for your appearance half of the damn time.”

“You don’t like me by your side if you mind me reminding you.”

“And when I did seem to find you when everyone else was gone, you were with a man. A man? What do you think about how he thinks of me now? So oblivious that I can allow my wife to slip away? “ He didn’t even hear your statement. He was ignoring you just blabbering on and then he got to the part about Hui’s glances. “He was looking you up and down undressing you with his eyes. In my house! He was thinking of undressing YOU. IN. MY. HOUSE.” 

“Have you been drinking, Hyunggu?” You said without giving too much thought to what was coming out of your mouth. You were starting to become concerned. 

“THATS NOT IMPORTANT.” Hyunggu was pacing around the room now. He was in over his head angry. A part of you was scared. This normally quiet man of your husband was now yelling in your bedroom. 

“I think you need to calm down.” You said with a little more urge in your voice. You were ready for him to leave and didn't know how to calm Hyunggu down. He was still walking back and forth when you got up from your bed walking toward him. You cupped his face, “You need to calm down.” You spoke softly to him, looking into his eyes. “Okay?” He looked back in yours before he ripped his face out of your grasp, and stormed out of the room slamming the doors. 

You didn’t sleep that night, the book acted as a source of comfort.

. 

You had been avoiding meeting hyunggu ever since the incident in your room. Dinner was the only time that you couldn’t escape from him. Neither of you had spoken either. You avoided eye contact from him, or read your book at the dinner table. 

You awaited Hui’s return, but perhaps he did not mean it when he said he would visit again. You spent your time in your drawing room, embroidering, reading, painting, and anything to pass the time. Going on strolls in the garden behind your house was your new favorite pastime. It felt more and more empty with every day, and you asked for more flowers and asked for more statues. You needed something more than an empty garden.   

You searched for some type of fulfillment for your boredom. You frequented as many teas and balls as you could in hopes of running into Hui again. Especially at balls, since you had met him on your own. It was a new move trying to go to all of the events of the social season since you weren’t that high of a noble. You needed the connections, so you had the ball in the first place, but you didn’t see much of a chance moving up in the ranks. 

You did get the attention of many of the lady’s husbands, which got you somewhere in mentioning your husband. Even though you were not interested in Hyunggu as much, you still had to stick by him. Who else was going to support your endeavors in art? You could think of one person but still could not find him anywhere.

.

You were getting ready for another ball you frequented with or without your husband. Sometimes Hyunggu would “tag along” for the connections that were there. This ball in particular, Hyunggu did not fancy it at all. You didn’t hear anything from the staff about him getting ready or wanting to go.

You left your estate feeling free since there wouldn’t be someone’s (hyunggu’s) eyes on you all night. You walked into the ball, the lights were dim creating a sense of ambiance. You wandered about most of the ball. You weren’t much of a dancer, but more of a socialite. 

You were laughing with one of the ladies you usually have tea with when someone tapped you on the shoulder. You turned yourself around and met Hui’s eyes. You curtsied to him, and he took your hand again to kiss it. His lips left a small fire burning on your hand for the rest of the night. “I have not seen you in so long.” You smiled up at him. You wanted to say that you missed him, but it felt like too much. 

“I am not an easy man to come across.” He had a sly look on his face as if he had won something. He held onto your hand escorting you somewhere more quiet, like before. You could tell he liked his privacy. 

“I can tell, you never called when you say you would.” You remarked in a slightly pouty tone. You would not give him too much, not yet at least. “At this point, you are just... teasing” You looked up into his eyes looking for something, and was met with a soft smile. 

“I did not think even if I were to call, that your husband would accept it. I am glad you felt the same way I have.” His hands lingered on yours, holding them. The two of you were outside in the garden. The sky was clear and full of stars. 

“What feeling do we share?” You asked inching towards him. The moonlight only made him look more dreamy. 

“The feeling of something igniting every time your skin touched. The passion.” His hands holding your upper arm. “That is why you were looking for me again, is it not?”

“You looked down at your own hands, “That is why. I do miss your company and our conversation. Which is why I wish you could visit me in my garden. It is empty, almost like my house. Like my heart when you are not next to me.” 

He tucked a hair behind your ear as an excuse to hold your face. “Then I will meet you in that garden.” He leaned in to kiss you, and it was soft. You leaned more into him grabbing him by his waist, and he grabbed you by yours in return. You smiled into the kiss, as he ran his hands up into your hair. 

He pushed you up against the wall, as the two of you became breathless. His hands were still in your hair tugging at it making the kiss deeper. He pulled away after a few moments trying to catch his breath. “We both can’t continue this here nor today.” Hui was looking down at the ground. His hands were on his hips as he thought of a solution to both of your dilemmas. “I shall have to visit your garden sometime…” Hui said, looking at you with a smile. 

“We should get back to the ball now before we are missed.” You replied and linked your arm with his. The two of you walked back to the ball to enjoy the rest of your night dancing and talking with Hui. You enjoyed his company more than Hyunggu’s. You felt like you had known Hui for an entire lifetime. 

.

You spent more and more time in the garden. New flowers were blossoming, and your statues came in. There was one you put on a pedestal– an angel. He looked like he was sitting and had a finger in front of his mouth hushing. Two other statues sat on the ground. They were angels, one hugging the other. You smiled to yourself proud of the way you had decorated the garden, but it was missing something.  The trees around your garden looked overgrown. The biggest tree had a branch that seemed to curl into itself. You couldn’t put to your mind what you were missing just yet. You walked around more of your garden seeing where else you could put statues. You had a thing for putti, the little devious angles that were found everywhere. It was too cute and fitting for Hyunggu’s job. 

You smiled to yourself looking over at your garden one last time. You turned to head back to your estate when your maid ran to you with a letter in her hand. “A.. Letter… from Marquis Lee.” As soon as those words left her mouth you beamed and ran to her to retrieve the letter. Your two dogs barked in the back of her. One was a brown and white cocker spaniel who was perfectly groomed and a Coton de Tulear, who was more energetic. Coco, who was the white puppy, and Ava, who was the brown and white puppy both ran up to you before you could get your hands on the letter. You giggled playing with the puppies, for a moment before making sure to take the letter and shove it into a pocket of your dress for safekeeping. You continued to run around the garden playing fetch with the puppies. 

You had been out there for somewhat of an hour when you felt someone’s eyes on you. You turned around to see Hyunngu leaning on a pole of your veranda. He had a soft smile for a moment before he got caught. He made his way towards you, and you called the dogs to your side as you walked to meet up with him. “Did you need my presence?” You said as you curtseyed a little at him.

“No, but you can say it was missed. You are usually inside.” Hyunggu said as he looked around at your backyard. It had changed since the last time he had been back here. It bloomed with your taste and creativity. He allowed himself to smile, admiring what you did to the place. “I think I know what your garden is missing… I shall order it and have it installed.”

“I already have more statues on the way,” you said. You guessed earlier that the garden missed more statues. Your garden needed a story of itself to tell, and to you, statues would fix that. 

Hyunggu chuckled a little, “No not that. Something else. Exotic, but I think you will enjoy it.” He nodded to himself before looking down at the two pups following you. “Seems that you liked my wedding gifts as well.” He felt proud of himself with that one. 

“I have grown attached to them, yes.” You answered Hyunngu bending down to ruffle Coco’s soft white furr. Dogs were often a gift in marriage as a symbol of loyalty. Given to a woman for the expectation of her loyalty. You knew that and so did he. Coco and Ava were a symbol of what you were meant to be as a woman. Sometimes you loved them but hated them for the reason they were here. “I shall see you at dinner,” you said with a smile and a curtsey to excuse yourself. Once again, you called the dogs after you while heading inside. It was time to read your letter.

And write a new one you would send in secret.

.

You almost fell asleep at your desk with all of the drafts you had written to Hui. You wanted to sound smart and eloquent, but you could not seem to get the right tone down. You groaned in frustration, throwing yourself back in your chair. His words were so sweet and rolled off the page like melting wax with a cherry scent. How could you ever match up with that? How could you make him feel like he’d be melting off of a small piece of paper?

In the back of the garden, there lies a pathway leading to a woman with her angel of a child. Next to her is a pedestal of our own, where our love can grow taller than any tree in my garden. We will make the flora around us bloom continuously. 

At the end, you signed your name. You wished to meet him there in that spot, on that same pedestal. You wished to steal another kiss from his soft lips and feel the way he held you. You found yourself with your hands in your hair, soothing it and slightly tugging on it just the way he did. Your hands trailed to your lips, brushing your fingers across them softly. A smile fell upon your lips reminiscing the one kiss you shared with him, that made every fiber of your body burn even a couple of days after. You leaned back in your chair sighing from the satisfaction of your daydream. You stayed like that for moments upon a time, just thinking how it would be if Hui could have courted you. When you were satisfied with the tiny scenarios you opened your eyes. You still needed to seal the letter that sat on your desk. You melted the wax and bored it onto the folded paper before you pressed the wax seal on it. It was your old one– before you were associated with Hyunggu. It was personal and just… you. Just you and him. 

You hid the letter you had written for Hui in between a textbook, for safekeeping. The one he wrote you needed a special place in your room. You could go shopping the next day for boxes, but for now, the best place to keep the letter would be close to you. You crawled into bed, taking the letter with you, sliding into the covers, and sliding the letter under your pillow. 

.

You sat at the dining table dressed up ready to go get some more writing supplies along with a box for yourself. Something about it just made you feel so giddy about the idea of getting to exchange letters with Hui back and forth. Even though you prefer to speak to him face-to-face letters would have to do. You wouldn’t want Hyunngu to become as frustrated as he was the night of the ball. Nor would Hyunggu ever let Hui set foot on his property. Letters were still personal, but not as intimate. 

Hyunggu had been acting differently since the night he came into your room. He had been softer in a way, and trying to connect with you more. He would try and match up the time the two of you had meals, he would try to meet you in the library acting as if he needed a book, and the way he came in the garden the day before. The gift he mentioned, you wondered why he would possibly want to get you a gift and what even was the gift. Hyunggu was still three-quarters of a mystery to you. You broke fast talking with your maid about what stores you wanted to visit, and if there was anything new that you had not seen before. 

Hyunggu walked into the room, and you quieted down in front of him. You looked up to see him smiling so early in the morning. He walked up to you to where you were sitting, “I am going to have something being installed today. You are going to be out today, correct?” 

You nodded at him replying, “I am.” You took another bite of your food to postpone talking to him. Hyunggu stared down at you a small smile still on his lips. You looked up at him, there was something more that he wanted to say to you or wanted to do. You noticed the way his fingers twitched at the side of him. “So I suppose you better have it installed before I come home. So I should take my time out today.” 

.

You hadn’t checked the garden to see what was installed when you came home, not when you received another letter so fast. The rest of the afternoon was sent in your room drafting yet another letter. The day had gone by so fast that by the time you looked outside your window, it was already late at night and there was no use to go outside. Hui had mentioned how he would come by soon to that pedestal and how your love story would grow. 

There was a knock at your door in the middle of the night. You had called your maid to come retrieve the letter and have it sent off as soon as possible. Hyunggu peered his head through the door before a sound could come out of your mouth. You coughed a bit slipping the letter under other documents and books. You plastered a fake smile on your face sitting with your legs crossed. You were leaning against your desk wearing only a nightgown. Hyunggu let himself in your room, “You never visited the garden today… Did you catch something while you were out in town?” His head tilted to the side as he walked closer towards you. “You did not eat dinner either. I was worried about you.” Hyunggu’s hand fell upon your cheek and traveled to your chin lifting it. 

You cleared your throat once more. “I apologize, when I came home I was feeling too well. I retreated to my room for some rest. I hope you were not offended.” Hyunggu smiled. His hand left your chin and went up to your forehead. His other hand went up to his. 

“You do feel a bit warm. Shall I call our  physician?” You shook your head slightly. You could not be more of a bother to him, nor did you seek his attention. You used to try everything to get him to look at you. You had suspected that this had something to do with Hui. Ever since Hyunggu found you in the library smiling, laughing, and talking with Hui, something inside Hyunggu flipped. Hyunggu visiting you in the middle of the night is rare. He did visit you a few times on the topic of financial matters, but nothing more than business. “Alright,” He replied letting his hands fall to his side. “But you should rest nonetheless, so you can feel better in the morning. I will be there to break your fast with you as well.”  Hyunggu leaned in to kiss your temple before leaving your room. 

You felt stunned by the sudden affection from your husband. You touched the place he kissed on your forehead. You bit your lip and called in your maid to give her the letter. Your sentences were short, telling her to send the letter out and that you would spend the entire day outside tomorrow. When she left you could barely fall asleep drumming your fingers in your chest. Your head played back to the kiss on your forehead from Hyunggu, then to the kiss you shared with Hui in the garden.  

..

The next morning felt brighter than the rest. You would find a surprise in the garden, and hopefully have a surprise visit from your so-called lover. The day was quiet and bright with a subtle breeze flowing through an open window. You had eaten with Hyunggu earlier that morning, and you could still not get over how he smiled at you. He held your hand and walked you to the garden that bright morning. 

He showed you the swing, tied by a thick rope into the three. It was gold with a velvet seat. It almost looked like a throne he got only for you. Hyunggu had lifted you from your waist to sit you in the swing. He held his hands in yours gripping the rope and pulling you back on the swing. He pushed the two of you forward. It felt like a moment that could be frozen and displayed for eternity. The way you flew through the air was a different type of magic. The sound of his laughter rang in your ears. He sounded so pure, so childlike. It was different from the way you knew him before. Everything had changed so fast in such little time. You two stayed in that moment that could have been taken out of a fairytale before a butler called him into the house to work on some matters. He caught the swing to slow it down so you could get off. He helped you off, holding your hand and giving it a peck before bidding you adieu. 

A pinch of guilt was felt in your stomach, the feeling that you betrayed Hyunggu. Even though your vows weren’t genuine, they still existed. You strolled through the garden, fingertips grazing the blooming petals around you. The way Hyunggu kissed you by your hand, took you aback to the way Hui kissed your hand. And soon enough, you were thinking of the way he kissed your lips. Flashes of scenes of the past two to three weeks ran through your mind. You sat and thought on a ledge of a wall. You closed your eyes to feel the breeze and the way the sun made parts of your skin tingle and warm. The sun felt like there was a second embrace hugging you and comforting you through your thoughts. The warmth helped with the loneliness that you felt, till the warmth was gone and you were cast in a shadow. 

You opened your eyes slowly, slightly afraid of what your eyes would meet as soon as they were introduced to the outside world. Hui whispered softly, “I know this wasn’t the place we were supposed to meet, but I hope you don’t mind.” You smiled and scooted over patting a seat for Hui to sit.

“I don’t mind at all. I am grateful you saved me from loneliness on this beautiful day.” You laid your head on his shoulder, your smile growing by the seconds. The two of you were deep in the garden of your estate, hidden by the numerous flowers around you. The sweet aroma of the flora filled the two of you with romance. Hui had an arm around you, and his other holding your hand. “I read the book you recommended to me.” You said in a soft whisper.

“Do you think I have good taste?” The arm over your shoulder drew circles on your forearm. The two of you were looking ahead as if there was nowhere else to look, nothing else to do, and nothing more to say. 

“I think we both know the answer to that question”. You laughed a little, letting your eyes crease, relaxing and acting naturally with Hui. You turned your head to look at him and gave him a small peck on his cheek. The creases on the corner of his eyes soon mirrored your own. He leaned down trying to give you a proper kiss. Being playful, you quickly switched out your lips for a flower before running off. You threw the flower to the side once Hui realized what was touching his lips. You were on your feet, running around the garden while Hui sprung off of his seat behind you to chase you. The sounds of your giggles filled the air as Hui continued to catch up with you. He tackled you into a patch of grass, he nuzzled into your neck starting to peck you. Hui attacked you with kisses all over your face and neck while you squealed trying to escape him. 

The rest of the day went by quickly with mostly chatting, soft touches, and short kisses. It was a fever dream, an idea that you could escape your marriage in your magical garden. You had dinner with Hyunggu that night barely looking up to meet his face. There was guilt that beat the smile off of your face. You stared down at your food, watching it slowly get cold. You also couldn’t bring yourself to hold the fork to your mouth, not in his presence. “Was there something I did that was wrong today? I’m sorry that I could not stay outside with you. And because of that interruption, I have some news for you. I will have to leave the estate for some business out of state for a while– I shouldn’t be too long. Three weeks to a month.” You looked at him blankly, not knowing what to say. “I know this is a lot and sudden.”

There was nothing you could think to say to him. Guilt began to fill your mouth, trying to force its way out. “It is, I hope it goes well.” A nice quick reply would do for now. You didn’t mind him being gone when he was barely there initially. Only just recently did he start making an appearance in your life. Still, Hyunggu had the title of your husband, and that was enough to make you feel a bit of guilt. 

.

By the next day, Hyunngu was packed up and gone from the estate. You made the most of the time having the place to yourself. More talks in the garden lead to talks in the library and many things behind closed doors. Carelessness filled your head as you let Hui inside your room, for a break from the sun. Really, it was so that you wouldn’t sweat under the layers of clothing when he touched you. You could be free from worry, and clothing. Hui held your face kissing you with passion he had not shown you before. He had nothing to hide anymore, not his passion for you. You held his shoulders for support as he kissed down to your neck trying to pry open your bodice. You helped him take off your dress, smiling and giggling with him. Hui took care of himself as you got comfortable on the bed. Who knew sex could be so fun when you add a bit of passion and the joy of eating the forbidden fruit? Hui’s lips were on you in an instant, his hand on your thigh soothing it. He made room for himself in between your legs, while his kisses trailed down your body. He worshiped you, every inch of your skin was left on fire after his kisses. When his face reached your heat he looked up at you. Hui’s eyes were glistening by the candlelight. “May I, my dear?”, he asked licking his lips.

“You may,” was all you needed to say before his lips were attached to your clit lapping and kissing like he wasn’t going to be able to do this again. His hands squeezed at your thighs, to keep you from closing in on him. His breath was hot against your cunt, as he gasped for air. You moaned as you felt his tongue enter you. You grasped his hair, whimpering as he sped up this pace. You were so close to your release, holding onto your sheets for dear life as your legs shook. You came with a screech, closing your legs around Hui’s head. He continued to lap up your cum, rubbing his thumb on your inner thigh. Your breathing was heavy as you ran your hand through your hair. 

     Hui detached himself from you, only to kiss you. He was murmuring something you couldn’t hear. You could feel Hui’s hard against your thigh. You helped guide him towards your entrance, needy for what more pleasure he would bring you. He pushed in with a deep kiss on your lips. He was slow at first so you could get used to him. He pulled back to look at you, and you stared at him with all of your combined beauty. You pulled him into a kiss with such passion urging him to quicken his pace. Hui bit at your lip pulling it while he quickened his pace. You could feel him drawing near as he began to let out moans of pleasure. You kissed his neck biting it and sucking at it trying to draw him closer. Hui came with a shaky moan, falling on top of you and leaving small kisses. The rest of the afternoon was a blur. 

.

You had been so caught up in your new love affair, that Hyunggu was coming home sooner than expected. The house seemed buzzing, with gossip about the past week and preparations. You tried to control as much of the gossip as you could. It was bad that you only felt guilty after the fact that you had done something. Your maid had come with a letter from Hui, and you rushed to put it in a chest that you kept. This whole ordeal made you nervous, even though you had put yourself in a hole. You barely loved Hyunggu, so what was this sinking feeling in your chest? You waited in your room for Hyunggu to arrive home. You cross-stitched until there was a knock at your bedroom door. You opened it to see Hui smiling back at you looking a bit frantic. You hadn’t read the letter he sent you earlier. Moments later you heard the commotion of unpacking in the house.

[adachicuto]

last date before wedding with ptg

warning(s): food and wine mentions

↳ jinho: helping him with a cover of a song for youtube and it’d be a pretty romantic song maybe ed sheeran thinking out loud or john legend or maybe something else like eyes, nose, lips and you wouldn’t realize that he got you singing. i don't think he'd post it and just want to save it for the two of you to rewatch. it wouldn’t matter to him if you were an amazing singer or not, just being able to share that moment with you would be enough for him. so, it would probably become a tradition where you'd rewatch the cover for every wedding anniversary, and maybe you would cover more songs together each time as a little segment on his youtube channel and the members would text him and tease him about it every time lol

↳ hui: i get the feeling that he would bring you to a really nice yet underrated restaurant where smooth jazz is played and people are allowed to go onstage and perform a song. both of you would have the biggest smiles on your faces because the date would be reminiscent of your first one. you'd end the date off with really good wine and of course, hui would go onstage and sing (he'd claim it as practice for your big day) and would leave the audience stunned by his amazing vocals. on the drive home, his hand would never leave yours and he'd probably fidget with your engagement ring with a huge smile on his face.

↳ hongseok: your "date" would be so sweet and domestic because hongseok just gives me homey vibes. like, you'd both go to the grocery store to get ingredients for dinner and a dessert you both like. idk it would be the cutest thing and then you'd head back home and he'd start cooking while you worked on the dessert and you'd definitely catch him staring at you every few minutes with a goofy smile on his face and he'd wiggle his eyebrows playfully. you'd step away for a second to back-hug him and hongseok would smile to himself before he'd turn around to kiss you and he'd pull away to say something really cheesy but it would still put a smile on your face.

↳ yeo one: i think changgu would plan the cutest little picnic in the park for both of you. he'd pack some of your favorite foods and snacks and would even get you flowers or something. it would be the cutest thing and he'd take a flower and put it behind your ear and you'd do the same to him and then you'd go back and forth about who's the prettiest lol then the two of you would lie down and cloud gaze. idk i can see a really adorable dog running over to the two of you and it would really like changgu and it would be such a cute moment that would lead you to discuss the possibility of adopting a dog after the wedding. once the sun would start to settle below the horizon, you'd head home and would probably spend the rest of the day watching a show or movie.

↳ shinwon: both of you would agree on going to a spa and maybe a little shopping. i could definitely see him goofing around with you while in the sauna by making weird faces and telling you funny stories. then, he'd have you rest your head on his shoulder and he'd smile to himself. then, he'd tell you about how he was so nervous to propose to you. after a few minutes he'd realize that you weren't talking only to find you asleep. so, he'd make sure that you would be comfortable and would relax too. i think he'd love to spoil his s/o so he'd really enjoy going to the spa with you and it'd be a nice break from all of the wedding prep. on the way home, you'd both decide on ordering in bc neither of you would want to cook after being at the spa.

↳ yanan: he'd wake up extra early to get your favorite breakfast foods and coffee. when he'd make it back to your apartment he'd be met with you half asleep on the couch and would quickly put everything down to cuddle with you for a few minutes and then you'd eat breakfast together. afterward, the two of you would get ready to go and yanan wouldn't tell you but it would all make sense later. so, the two of you would go to multiple places throughout the city and you were thankful that they wouldn't be too far and at each stop, you and yanan would talk about what happened at each, like, one place was where he took you for your first date and another would be where you both said you loved each other for the first time. looking back on all of the memories would make both of your hearts feel so full.

↳ yuto: i think you'd go to an aquarium or botanical garden and it would be on a day when it wouldn't be so busy and the two of you could goof around and take funny pictures of each other imitating the animals. throughout the date, you'd both feel like little kids on a field trip again. both of you would stop every few minutes to stare at something you'd find interesting and the look on your faces at that moment would be so adorable and you'd have to capture the moments. after that, you would go get something to eat and then walk back to your apartment. on the walk, you'd both reminisce about how you met, your first date, and how he proposed to you.

↳ kino: i feel like hyunggu would go all out but it would still be a pretty laid-back date idk if that makes sense but he'd sign you up for a couples' dancing class where you'd learn how to tango and it would be so romantic and fun, even if you're not much of a dancer. after that, you'd go back home to shower and then he'd take you out to a really nice restaurant for dinner. the two of you would be so impressed with your meals but the highlight of your would be getting ice cream or your favorite dessert from your favorite place but then on your way back home it'd start raining and you'd have to wait it out inside a nearby cafe with steaming cups of tea. the whole situation would be pretty funny to both of you and it'd make for a nice moment to look back on.

↳ wooseok: being the youngest, i don't think he'd plan everything out and would just go with the flow. so, i think wooseok would also enjoy a night in with you as your date, especially if it would be a rainy day. he'd go and get your favorite snacks and drinks the day before and would surprise you with everything. the two of you would spend the day watching movies, playing video games, and just enjoying the calm before your wedding day. somehow, you'd end up talking about some of your embarrassing moments early on in your relationship and neither of you would be able to stop laughing and maybe you'd each go through your camera roll and it'd be a really cute moment for both of you.

[multiphandomunnies]

pentagon

reactions

accidentally seeing their gf naked

found out the wrong way social media au intros

found out the wrong way part one

found out the wrong way part two

found out the wrong way part three

found out the front way part four

s.o getting shy when they kiss

imagines

jinho

hongseok

flustered

hui

e’dawn

365 so stress

how cute

shinwon

yeo one

yanan

too much effort

kino

yuto

something special (*M*)

technology free

lovers night

wooseok

give it a rest

[yuthoe]

Fatigued (PENTAGON: Hui)

after a quick look at my last fic post, i realized that it's been a little more than a year since i last posted any original thing from me lmaooo

i still have an unfinished vampire!wonho fic but i keep getting stuck cuz writing smut is haaaard. so since i have downtime from our workshop i decided to finish this, so i'm sorry if it seems like the ending is rushed. this one is still super tame compared to the others i have mapped out (as far as angst goes, this is not the heaviest one lol) so i hope y'all look out for those

PAIRING: Hui (Lee Hoetaek) x gn!reader. GENRE: fic, general, angst. WARNINGS: vampire!au—contains mentions of blood. WORD COUNT: 1,697.

---

Hoetaek closes the door to his apartment quietly, slinging the strap of his crossbody off his shoulder and carefully setting it on the floor of the entryway before toeing off his shoes. In his other hand he holds a rectangular insulated bag, small enough to not be conspicuous, but big enough to fit his refills if they’re packed right.

It’s the first time he’s come home to his apartment in a week, cooped up in his studio composing songs, fixing demos, struggling with lyrics. It was only the notification from his phone reminding him of his appointment at the hospital that got him to get up and fix the clutter around the room.

Now he tiredly carries the insulated bag into the kitchen, propping the fridge door open with his leg and opening the zip of the bag carefully.

The blood bags are carefully packed into the container—enough for around two weeks. Hoetaek doesn't need to feed often (he's gotten a good handle on his thirst throughout the decades), but he still regulates his feeding times so he doesn’t burn through them all in one sitting. Before he holed himself up in the studio, he made a point to stock his body up on nutrients so he didn’t have to bring any bags to clutter up the mini-fridge there.

Hoetaek sighs, blinks hard a few times to clear the daze out of his eyes so he can store the bags properly at the back of the fridge, but giving up quickly. He’s dizzy, sleepy, bone-tired, and frankly a little smelly from working non-stop these past few days. Before he passes out from exhaustion, he decides to just dump the refills onto the only empty space near the front of the fridge. A nice, hot shower and a soak in the bath is in order.

He dumps the now empty bag on the countertop and makes a quick stop to the bedroom to fetch his towel, before heading to the bathroom. Along the way, he taps on his phone with one hand, typing out a quick text to you. 

Hey, honey. I'm back at the apartment. Gonna take a quick shower, but you can come in anytime. 

Hoetaek leaves his phone on the counter top, and inch by inch relaxes as he settles into his bath time routine.

—

The bath is steamy when he finishes an hour later, refreshed and ready to take a much-deserved break. He whistles as he pads barefoot to the bedroom to change into the soft and comfy pajamas you gave him recently. When he finally finishes dressing and doing his minimal skincare routine, he steps out to the living area and sees you seated on the small couch.

“Oh, hi, babe! Didn’t hear you come in.” A lie. He heard it loud and clear when his phone buzzed on the counter midway through his shower; heard the quiet thud of the door and the lock fastening on the latch when you came in; heard the shuffling of your feet as you walked around the apartment in your house slippers; heard you rifling through the kitchen and the fridge looking for food or something to make a light meal with because he knows you like cooking for him after he’s had a tough day at work.

Cat’s out of the bag, as far as Hoetaek is concerned—you definitely saw the blood bags in the refrigerator. He is just delaying the inevitable at this point, refusing to acknowledge that he knows about your discovery and the worried and suspicious look on your face as you sit in silence.

“Yeah, I got in around fifteen minutes ago,” you say. He notes the way you twiddle your thumbs in your lap, looking away quickly to make a beeline to the kitchenette. It’s clean, just the way he left it an hour before, with no signs of anyone attempting to cook anything. Hoetaek figures you were too shaken by what you saw and gave up trying to whip something up and pretend everything is fine.

It is with a quiet resignation that he reaches into a cupboard for an opaque mug and rummages in the fridge for a blood bag, keeping his back towards you to hide him unscrewing the stopper and squeezing out the thick liquid into the mug. “Are you hungry? We can get something delivered,” he calls out, drowning out the sloshing sounds of the blood pouring out from the bag. Once he’s filled the mug almost to the rim, he screws the cap back on with practiced ease, licking his fingertips clean before stowing it back in the fridge, just on top of the pile.

Hoetaek hears you stand and pad all the way to the counter separating the kitchen from the living area as he looks for a reusable straw in one of the drawers, plopping it in the mug. “No, I’m good,” you say. The sweet taste of A-positive soaks his tongue as he takes a sip and he sighs in relief. He takes another drag through the straw before turning to face you, that worried look still on your pretty face. “Just…”

Your nails nervously tap on the faux-marble countertop. “Are you okay, Hoetaek? Are you sick or something?”

He holds the cooling mug tightly in both hands, shrugs. “What do you mean?”

You worry your bottom lip between your teeth. “I… I saw blood bags. In the fridge.” And then you start rambling. “I was just looking for something to cook for you because I know you’ve been at the studio working the whole week and figured you might want a salad or noodles or something. I didn’t mean to see—they were just there and I thought it was a pile of, I don’t know berry flavored jelly, I guess? But then I flipped one over and realized it’s blood and it had the label and everything, so I freaked out because how did you get that much blood and what are you gonna use all of it for?? Now, I’m concerned and worried and just a little bit freaked out about this whole thing.” Your fingers continued tapping a staccato rhythm as you talked, and finally still when you stop to catch a breath.

The mug almost falls out of Hoetaek’s hands as he regards you with shining eyes. He’d been lying to you, keeping such a big part of himself a secret from you for years. He can tell himself that he did it to protect you, to keep you away from the uglier side of him, but that’s not the whole truth. The fact of the matter is, Hoetaek is just scared; he is scared that you’ll just run off when the truth comes to light and he doesn’t think he can handle that.

The vampire sets the mug down on the counter next to the refrigerator, the contents well out of your sight, before standing in front of you. He lets the marble island between you act as a barrier, even as he takes both your hands in his. His thumbs smooth across your skin, teeth biting at his lip as he tries to find the right words.

“Babe… Thank you for worrying,” he finally starts. “But you didn’t need to. I’m not sick, although I know you get concerned that I’m too pale sometimes, but that’s just because I’m cooped up in the studio a lot.” He chuckles, and sees a corner of your mouth twitch upwards. He takes a deep breath before continuing. “We’ve been together for almost three years. And considering that I plan to get on your nerves for the foreseeable future, I suppose I need to be straight with you.

“I’m…” He takes a deep breath. “Well, to put it simply, I’m not human. I’m a vampire and I drink blood. I was born in the late 1890s, but I’ve been 30 for around eighty years or so.” He watches your face, looking for any sign of disgust or apprehension in the lines on your forehead. “I know this is a lot, and I’m not expecting you to stay after finding out about all this. If you need a break—from me—I completely understand.”

Hoetaek squeezes your hands and is about to release them, but you tighten your grip.

“You…” Hui’s brows knit as he watches you struggle to find words. “I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything,” he replies quickly. “Take all the time you need.”

“No, it’s… I’m okay with it, I think?” You keep his hands in yours as you round the corner of the island to stand beside him. “I don’t mind that you’re a vampire, at least. I know I have questions, but I just don’t know how to word them properly, I guess?” The heat of your palms travels up as you drag them along his arms, across his shoulders, and stop to gently hold his cheeks. “I still love you, if that’s what you’re worried about,” you say. “I have no reason to stop loving you, Hoetaek.”

He squeezes your hands, knuckles white. “But…,” he whispers, voice breaking. “I’m not like you, I’m not human—I’m different… Does that not scare you?”

You look square in his eyes, searching for something in them, and then you slowly shake your head. “No. You’re you, and as far as I’m concerned, the only different thing here is that you apparently drink blood straight out of the bag. You don’t feel different, you don’t look or sound different. So you’re still my Hoetaek, right?”

Hoetaek thinks he could cry. It never crossed his mind that you would turn him away after baring himself—you have no bad bone in your body. But hearing you say so confidently that you still love him, that he’s still yours… made his long dormant heart almost beat again.

He surges forward and wraps his arms around your waist, buries his nose into your neck. (He is definitely not crying.) “I love you,” he whispers. “I love you so much.”

Hoetaek feels your head rest against his, your arms embracing him so gently, so carefully. “I love you, too. Always.”

[takorossi]

Pentagon as Pentagon Songs / Covers

(... that I associate them with, purely self-opinion)

Jinho

hmmm "Someday - Song By JINHO, HUI"?

i feel like Jinho really slayed the vocals on that one you know

if it's not "Someday" then it would probably be "Round 2 - Bonus Track" because #jinhoWWEcommentator era

"Spring Snow"!!!!!! SPRING SNOW.

spring snow.

i loved how excited he was at wanting to perform "Spring Snow" for Road to Kingdom

and also the feels

Hui

would it be basic if i said "Shine"??? not if it's the truth ...

"Shine"

because come on, we all know why it's "Shine", what are you talking about if it's not "Shine"???

maybe "Happiness" because i felt like Hui in that M/V was pretty memorable

but also his line in "Organic song" (E'dawn, Yuto, Woo Seok With Hui), both in the original when Dawn performed it by himself in Pentagon Maker and also the released track

"Basquiat"?? VOCAL KING.

Hongseok

honestly the first thing that comes to mind is "Very Good - PENTAGON Version" (originally by Block B) from RTK

the chocolate abs left an impression

and also the "it's okay as long as he doesn't dance inappropriately afterwards" - an RTK staff member

"Dr. Bebe"

the chocolate back left an impression

"Sparkling Night" because his Oppa-ness really popped off there, ESPECIALLY in this Special Live Clip, wow that video really took me to heaven and back you know, i ascended

Shinwon

if i'm going for associated images seared into my brain, i would pick "DO or NOT" because #jokershinwon era and also "Feelin' Like" even though i know he doesn't like it because POOL SHINWON??? shinwon with GLOVES??? ma lord almighty,,,

if i'm going for music music, it would be "Daisy" because he does my favourite line in that entire song ("haengbokhaeya dwae") in that whisper/breathy tone, sorry i'm just simping at this point

but by that logic, i would also associate him with "Naughty Boy" because of the chicken lyric ... it really stuck

if i don't put "One Shot" here, am i really a Shinwon fan?

so "One Shot" because he wrote it

Yeo One

"Pretty Pretty", definitely

high school Yeo One.

nerd Yeo One era.

mushroom Yeo One era.

Yeo One with GLASSES.

also "Eat" (originally by Zion.T) because :( Pentagon Maker :( Yan An :( comfort chocolate :( ("saranghae ... yO")

Yeo One's verse in "Round 1 - Bonus Track", specifically the part where he goes "nappeun saram ... Yanan, Yanan, Yanan"

Yanan

"Feelin' Like"

muscles.

absolute massive badonkerhonker muscles.

but also "Daisy" because i really like the way he dances in it, feels floaty and nice

also "Eat", for the same reasons as Yeo One

also "Round 1", specifically the part where he goes "(ya geuraedo bang gachi sseuneunde) HWAJANGSHI!!!"

Yuto

probably an unpopular opinion but "Shine" is one of them

his rap and the transition back to the group formation in their "Shine" stages left a sensation in my brain that i don't know how to explain

that one unique #notlikeothergirls "Yuto-da" in "Fantasystic"

those verses of Japanese rap in "Cerberus"? chef's kiss.

that low-toned Wooseok!mock-scream in "Round 2"

Kino

first of all, "Dr. Bebe", for less superficial reasons than Hongseok

like i really, and i mean REALLY love his entire persona in "Dr. Bebe"

from the stages to M/V, the facial expression and stature and makeup were EVERYTHING

in chinese, there's this thing we call 病态 (bìng tài), which directly translates to "state of being sickly" and it sounds kind of wack if you put it like that, but basically the way he embodied that psychological inner warfare in his dance and expressions was absolutely Oscar-worthy

"Daisy" because of his tattoo, and his florist dreams, and his dance, and that mafia dance variety thing they did

just. "Daisy". yeah.

Wooseok

i don't know if it's because of his unique rapping tone, but i associate him with a lot of Pentagon's songs

i mean he wrote and composed my absolute favourite Pentagon song, "BAD"

he also did "Nostalgia", which i like

his verse in "Sparkling Night"??? vocal Wooseok???

"Naughty Boy"??????????

okay that one because i hated his hair in it, i'm sorry Wooseok

but also i felt like he was so intrinsically linked with that song for some reason

it just screamed Wooseok to me

uhm

"The Magic Flute ("Der Hölle Rache" - Queen of the Night aria)"

oops

i'm sorry that was just for the crack i swear

[don-dake]

「Goodbye kiss?」

「喂！佢會唔會畀人騙財騙色呀？！」

“Hey! Do you think she would be cheated out of her wealth and her body?”

「嘩！我覺得嗰個鬼仔畀嫲嫲騙色多啲喔！」

“Whoa! I think it looks more like that Caucasian guy is being taken advantage of his body by Grandma!”

「佢錫你喔…佢有冇呃你啲錢啊？」 *

“He kissed you…did he cheat you of your money?”

「唔好啦！嗰簿仔等我同你keep住先啦！」

“This is not good! I think you better let me keep your bank book for now!”

「keep你嘅死人頭呀！佢就冇呃我！你就呃我啦！」

“Keep my foot! He didn't cheat me! But you certainly did!”

「你自細到大呀，使我幾多錢！」

“How much money have I spent on you growing up?!”

「買幾多嘢，供書教學，樣樣都係錢呀！」

“So many things I've bought, paying for your school fees and all, everything needed money!”

「你唔好生我啦…」 “You could have just not birthed me…”

《人間蒸發》 (2005) 第十一集

* n.b.: no racial discrimination intended here, the Dad character would have been worried for his mother, even if the man didn't happen to be a Caucasian man. He was simply worried because scamming of the elderly (or anyone for that matter) out of their savings is a thing (that unfortunately is quite prevalent around the world).

[moretheta]

it's do or die

god god god the way that morena's backed volksen into a corner where it's kill or be killed, forcing her to partake in a system that calls for the death of innocents (and not-so-innnocents) in exchange for power. the princes lives being worth more than the average civilian. morena's role as a parent overseeing the game. volksen's fight for agency when the cards are literally stacked against her don't you see it's the succession war. its the fucking succession war morena oh morena woman that you are

[pentagonieslut]

my pentagon thing ain’t uploading

i give up

but Megan verse on 34 + 35 hittin rn

[breitzbachbea]

AU where the twins are much younger and still don't like their big brother's new boyfriend, but then realize Harry does all the bullshit Michele always berates them for & now they are pranksters together.

[cowboy-robooty]

you think itager would be good parents?

NO

TEN MILLION JILLION TRILLION TIMES FUCKING NO!!!!!!! OH MY GOD THEYD BE THE ABSOLUTE WORST PARENTS EVER. because see i think like for a week maybe it could work out but pretty fast things would go south bc theyd compliment eachother in the worst ways possible. I think i talked abt all this stuff in my balad of arjun teena (my itager fanchild scenario) but ill say it all again YATTA! Germany would be an absolutely terrible father because hed prioritize his kid and love them more than anything else but hed be so bad at doing things right. bro huys the parenting manuels and fails them so hard bc he sounds like a robot to his kid all the time and sucks at being able to emotionally connect even though hes trying his best. and hes also the one always taking care of the kid bc hes a go getter and italys lazy but this just makes their kid dislike germany more bc they always gotta put up with his ass (and also bc the universe hates germany I think that no matter what the kid will always accidentally take germany's words the wrong way and germany will just get up and leave bc at some point he realizes there is no possible way he can recover from these misunderstandings and saying anything more will just make it worss).

Italy would be a terrible dad in the completely opposite because hed be a super chill and nice parent but like on the inside lowkey not like his kid that much RODF. Like hed think theyre fine but would think oh my GOD can this bitch leave already im tryna go on an impromptu roadtrip across america with germany today. in a world where itager loses homeostasis (another essay I wrote in the past) he's the type of guy who would try to baby trap germany and go wait... WE HAVE TO KEEP THE BABY?!? OH HELLLL NAW!!!!! And ironically i think bc italy is so chill their kid would very obviously favor italy (even though internally germany cares about their kid WAYYY more fhan Italy does) and it would be really funny bc germany would always feel lowkey sad that their kid doesnt want to spend time with germany and then italy would be internally like omfg when can i put this bitch up for adoption. SO IT WOULD JUST BE A TOTAL SHIT SHOW LOL I DONT THINK THEY COULD EVER HAVE A KID NOR DO THEY WANT ONE

[oldschoolfrp]

Undead in the corridors below the castle (Eric Larnoy, from AD&D scenario "Huis-clos en enfer," Casus Belli 45, June 1988)

[cyncialwoo]

can you make a reaction of pentagon if they gonna see their ex girlfriend after break up

a/n: Hihi! I know I said two weeks, but I've been balancing school and home life. I'm also re-reading this piece I wrote a while back and brainstorming for new things. Also, I've never written reactions before, so I hope you enjoy it. I'm sorry this is so late.

words: 2.2k >>Masterlist

Jinho

He would be the type to avoid a meet-up.

It’s not like the relationship ended badly, but it’s for convenience. 

Jinho wouldn’t want to step on your feelings if there were any remaining

Honestly, for him, there was still something left over

He's delusional. Literally gaslighting himself to think he’s avoiding you for your sake.

The meet-up would be accidental like it was meant to happen. 

Jinho honestly hadn’t been out of his apartment in a few weeks. He had been having second thoughts about the entire breakup. Was it the best decision? He wasn’t sure. Although, the food had run out in his house, and takeout was expensive these days. 

He was walking through the isles bored when he saw a familiar figure. He didn’t see your face, but he didn’t have to. Something inside him wanted to approach you, but he didn’t. He couldn’t and he didn’t know why. He would rather die than go up to you. He stood there for minutes wondering whether to move past you or do a 180. 

He ended up just staring at you, taking in this moment of seeing you again. You were looking at some snacks on the shelf when you turned your head and looked over at him. He watched as the smile spread on your face, and how you waved at him. He reciprocated it, all without much thought. The moment flew by too fast for him because, in the next second, you were gone for the next item on your grocery list. 

Hui

Hui would most likely become obsessed with his work

Anything to distract himself 

Maybe he’d blow money for some serotonin

Anything to give him a quick whiff of some happiness 

He’s been writing songs like crazy and they're all sappy breakup songs

He doesn’t like any of them though 

He needs a break and a bad

Hui needed some time out of his studio which was now too stuffy for him. Just a simple walk would do for him. For what he meant for a short walk around the building, he ended up in a park nearby. He sat on a swing slowly rocking back and forth. His eyes were closed taking in the sound around him. It was quiet, barely anyone was around. Still, the sound of the wind and the trees slowly dancing to it making their sound, The casual cars driving by in the background. That was the serenity and peace he had been looking for this whole time. 

When he finally opened his eyes he noticed a familiar figure sitting at a bench. They were eating lunch alone with their head down. He didn’t have to see their face to know who it was. He smiled to himself, maybe this was the motivation and clarity he sought. 

Hongseok

He’d be more of the jealous type. 

He’s most likely the type to stalk a page 

He made a fake account just for you!

okay, maybe that’s not that charming. 

he regrets his decision though

he's sincere about that

Lately, Hongseok had been feeling like you were losing interest in him, or you were getting over this. With all that he still felt for you, he couldn’t let you. He still couldn’t let you go and needed something to drag you in with him. So, he devised a plan. He would “randomly” meet up with you. 

He got used to the schedule that you had, and have, so it wasn’t that hard to find you. He had crossed your path multiple times after the break-up, but neither of you had decided to go and talk to each other. He was too shy, and you wanted to get over him. It was better for you anyway, and sometimes seeing him just hurt.

Not this time when you saw him. You two had managed to get on the same bus. Although, you knew hongseok had a car and could drive. It made you wonder what happened to him after you two separated. You locked eyes with him, and he shared a smile with you. He took that as an invitation to come closer to you on the bus. He made small talk with you for most of the ride. Something about the whole experience felt like deja vu almost as if you had met him again, but in a new life.

Shinwon

He plays it off but he’s most definitely hurting 

He hangs around other people for a distraction 

He is not okay though

When he’s alone or at home he mostly pouts

Dont come about his mood though because he will snap

He also won't leave the house unless he has to

The guys have to make him come out, so they take him to an inside amusement park

They may spoil him a bit too much. 

It seemed like Shinwon was as good as new. He was smiling, laughing, and making his awful jokes. Honestly, Jinho and Hui kind of wished they left him at home. It seemed like this was the perfect thing to bring him back from being a literal human zombie.

They were walking around the theme park when he saw you giggling with your friends. You guys had rented school uniforms on. He was happy that you were happy though. The way you laughed or held your friend's hand. He didn’t notice how long he had been staring. 

He was sent back to reality when Jinho tapped him on the shoulder. “You ready to head out already?” Shinwon looked back at him just nodding. He didn’t know if Jinho knew if he was looking at you or not. Either way, nothing was mentioned on the way home.

Changgu

He lives in a cafe. 

Or he visits it a lot

Either way, he wants to run into you

First, it was the old cafe you two used to visit

Then your favorite cafe

But nothing, he couldn’t

One day he gave up and just started to work part-time at a random cafe

He was working late nights due to his day job. He was enjoying working at a cafe. He loved the smell of coffee beans after all, and wouldn’t complain if he smelled like them all day. One thing was for sure though, he brought a lot of business to the cafe. 

Everyone went to the cafe to see the cute barista. He smiled with all of the new attention, but he wasn’t quite sure if he enjoyed it or not. Some part of him still hoped that one day you would walk into those doors. He convinced himself that all of the girls he turned down were for you. He was staying loyal to you. 

The only problem was that he only worked at the late-night, and it was not the most favorable time for a cup of coffee. 

One night while he was making one of his famous cups of coffee, he heard a familiar laugh. His head shot up, he had to see your face again. Although, he frowned as soon as he spotted you in the crowd. Your arm was locked around another guy’s laughing and leaning into him. 

He frowned and turned over to his coworker, “I'm taking my 15.”

Yanan

The relationship was short

Surely not long enough for deep feelings

That's what he thought before he broke the news to you

But lately, he had been missing you

Denies it and tries to play it slick

I’m thinking this is like a college fling thing

So you guys could run into one another

Finals were coming up and Yanan was in the library with his head stuck in one of the textbooks. He had been there for hours, and he was starting to get hungry. He had a six-hour final that he was preparing for, and he could not flunk it. He searched in his bags to see if he had any snacks left over. Luckily he still had some, leaning back and eating it.

He took that time to scan his surroundings. He had been focused on his work for so long that he hadn’t noticed the amount of people that had come and gone. This time around he noticed you dozed off on a desk. Your head was lying on a textbook sleeping soundly. You looked so pretty to him. He went close to you and put your jacket over you.

He didn’t quite understand his actions or what possessed him to buy snacks for you. He smiled to himself as he wrote a note. He teased you about falling asleep in the library and how you should take better care of yourself. He didn’t sign the note, smirking. Maybe he could tease you more like this in the future.

Yuto

He is already a quiet person, so I feel like he kept the relationship very private

Barely anyone knew that the two of you had broken up

The break up wasn’t on good terms

The two of you could not agree on something 

He hated arguments and everything that came with it

He also hated telling you when he disagreed with something because it would lead to even more arguments even if it didn’t have to be one

The two of you were petty anyways

He tried to avoid you, and the places you hung out frequently

Yuto was out with a large group of friends. It was unusual for him, but he was enjoying the extra company. They were at a large shopping mall, so it wasn’t an ideal place to be. He was quieter than usual. Maybe it was because he didn’t want to draw a lot of attention to himself. That was the reason. He wanted some quiet time but didn’t want to be alone. Maybe this was the best solution for him. 

He thought of himself over the relationship. Maybe he was being too harsh, but he thought if he heard that you died in a week or so he wouldn’t care. Okay, that was cruel of him, but he needed some way to distance himself. 

The sad part was, when he saw you at a store with another guy, his heart sank. He was mad that he still felt some type of way about it and about you. He was disappointed in himself, nonetheless, he played it off and went on with his day. 

Kino

I'm going with the cliche trope

He’s just a party guy to me 

And I think he’d go to parties to let off his cool. Especially if it was a harsh break-up 

I feel like he’d still be jealous and possessive after the relationship

If anyone would try to say something bad about you, he would get mad at them. 

He’s still sweet as ever, even if it ended on bad terms or not

Kino was at a party, like usual. He had a huge social circle. He was floating around the party talking to a lot of different people. He was feeling better tonight. He preferred to put himself out there when he didn’t feel up to it. Honestly, he was feeling a lot better. 

He did notice you when you walked in, it would be hard for him not to stare. He watched over you, still feeling protective. He knew a lot of the people at the party, some of them having a bad reputation. He would rather watch over you from a distance, not ready to face you. 

That didn’t matter when a random guy came up to you. He didn’t know him, but he could not stand the fact that another man was talking to you. He came up to you putting his arm over your shoulder casually.  “I forgot to ask you what drink you wanted.” Kino kept a sly smirk on his face. You looked a little upset and surprised to see him there, but he just brushed it off. It was fun to cock-block you.

Wooseok

I think he would be quieter about the breakup

He seems like he keeps more to himself 

But he’s generally sweet to everyone 

I think the motivation would be down

He wants to keep things on good terms, but that doesn’t mean friends. 

He’s not the type to text you after

Unless he needed something 

Wooseok had gathered up some motivation lately, after looking at how messy his life had been lately. He was picking his stuff up and putting things in their right places. During that, he found some items that were yours, and he noticed that some of his things had been missing. He frowned, he didn’t want to do any confronting, but he wanted his things back. There’s nothing wrong with that, right?

His hands were sweaty as he texted you. He simply stated that he had a few of your things and he thought that you had a few of his. It was simple and he tried to be as polite as possible. He was not trying to make anyone upset. 

After a few days you hadn’t answered his text, so he tried again. This time his tone was a little hasty, and when you responded, it was in an aggravated tone. He was confused. You didn’t want to meet with him and made that clear. He suggested mail, but that seemed to upset you as well. 

When he saw you later that week on the street, he said nothing. He did nothing. Any feelings that he had left over for you, were gone. Then he knew he could move on.

[zielsvlucht]

November

Mijn eigen huis. Een plek onder de zon. Het klinkt heel mooi. Het is heel mooi. Ik kan van veel geluk spreken. Maar momenteel spreek ik van angst. Ik ben nerveus. Ik lees door lange contracten, geschreven in een cryptische taal. Opzettelijk zo geschreven. Een complot tegen gewone mensen zoals wij. Ik hoop dat ik het allemaal correct begrepen heb. Er is geen tweede opinie. Er is niemand naast me die meeleest. Dit is niet ons huis. Er is geen ons. Het is voor mij. Voor mij alleen.

Toen ik me als kind dit scenario inbeelde, dacht ik niet dat het makkelijker zou zijn. Maar ik dacht wel dat ik niet alleen zou zijn. Ik dacht dat ik samen met iemand ons huis zou kopen, in plaats van dat ik alleen mijn huis zou kopen. Dat knaagt aan me. 's nachts denk ik aan weinig andere dingen. Enkel dit en de kou. Ik lig onder veel dekens en trek alle kussens naar me toe, maar het blijft koud. Het valt me te binnen dat het misschien de eenzaamheid zelf is, die de kou maakt.

Ik heb me laten vangen, door die blinde vlek. Ik probeer altijd vooruit te plannen. Maar om één of andere reden blijf ik toch plannen maken, waarin ik niet alleen ben. Hoewel ik dat in de praktijk wel ben, en altijd al was. Het is de grote fout in al mijn plannen. Een asterisk die ik had moeten zien staan in de contracten van mijn leven.

Soms denk ik dat ik al mijn plannen zou moeten laten vallen. En een nieuw plan maken; die eenzaamheid aanvechten, en op niets anders nog focussen. Maar er komt altijd wel iets tussen. Bovendien zijn mijn plannen voor de liefde gebrekkig. Ze zijn niet zo goed als mijn andere plannen. Ik ben er te radeloos voor en ik zet het uiteindelijk nooit op de eerste plaats. Zo star, zo koppig dat ik ben. Ik krijg er altijd een afkeer van en geef vroeg op.

Ik probeerde overlaatst iets te schrijven voor een online dating profiel. In theorie, want ik heb nog nooit zo'n app durven installeren. Ik ben het ook niet van plan. Nog niet. Ik probeer gewoon een deel van mezelf het zwijgen op te leggen. Dat deel van mezelf dat maar blijft klagen. Dat ik opzettelijk mezelf laat vereenzamen zonder reden. "Goed," zeg ik dan tegen mezelf. "Laten we dan eens even een bio schrijven als gedachtenexperiment. Eens zien hoe dat gaat."

Dan begin ik te typen en te typen. Al snel schrijf ik veel te veel. Paragrafen. Veel te open. Veel te kwetsbaar. Ik vertelde mijn broer er over. Hij zei: "Waar zijt ge mee bezig?! Het is maar een dating app bio. Maak er gewoon een mopje van. Iets origineel waarmee je jezelf toont. Dat kan je toch?"

Daar sta ik dan. Kijk daar! Een schrijver! Een échte schrijver! 118 duizend woorden is zijn huidige manuscript. Maar een bio voor een dating app? Onmogelijk. Wat elke aap kan schrijven, kan meneer de schrijver niet. Wat een nietsnut.

Ik kan het niet. En nog erger; ik wil het niet. Mijn ego is gekrenkt. Ik begin meteen te mokken. "Kort? Een mopje? Iets origineel?" Wat ik ook schrijf, het komt terecht in een zee van losers. En dan word ik beoordeeld door nog een zee van losers van het vrouwelijke variant. Hoe gaan zij weten dat mijn gevatte bio origineel is? En dat het niet ergens van een sociale media feed gerukt is zoals de rest dat doet op dating apps? En wat maakt het hen uit? Ze kijken naar mijn foto. En aan die foto kunnen ze niet zien dat ik me in een onophoudelijke existentiele crisis bevind. Ze kunnen niets zien. Ze zien niet wat er goed is aan mij, of wat er slecht is aan mij. Als ze met mij afspreken, dan willen ze afspreken met de man in die foto. Om dan teleurgesteld te zijn wanneer de mooie jongen, lelijke dingen begint te zeggen.

Teleurgesteld zijn wanneer ik afkaats op elke kleine uitspraak die ze maken, omdat ik elke opmerking zo onnodig moet overanalyseren als een maniak. Teleurgesteld zijn wanneer ze geen normaal gesprek met mij kunnen hebben. Teleurgesteld zijn wanneer ik niet ben wie ze verwachten. Of wanneer zij niet zijn wie ik verwacht. Ik wou dat ik mezelf kon uitdrukken in een mooie foto. Ik wou dat mensen aan mij konden zien wat voor iemand ik was. Maar dat gaat niet. Als we foto's konden trekken van de mensen die we binnenin waren, dan zag geen enkele mens er nog aantrekkelijk uit op tinder. Ik toch zeker niet.

Hoe komt het ook dat mensen zichzelf oppervlakkiger moeten maken om elkaar aan te trekken? Is het niet juist de verrassende diepgang die we in elkaar vinden, die ons doet fantaseren over elkaar? Als we verlangen naar elkaar, verlangen we dan niet naar de eindeloze gesprekken die nergens heen gaan?

Mijn broer heeft sowieso gelijk. Iedereen heeft gelijk, behalve ik. Ik ratel maar door. Al dat ik moet doen, is verdomme eens een knoop doorhakken. Stop met te doen alsof je een dating app gaat installeren, of alsof je gaat speed daten. En doe het nu toch gewoon. Maar ik werk me altijd al vast in de aanloop. Het is gewoon niet hoe ik het mij voorstelde. Ik wil - zoals elke domme tiener - dat iemand mij ontdekt zoals ik ben. En dan van me houdt zoals ik ben. Ik wil me niet moeten verstoppen in een trojaans paard van makkelijk te slikken nep-affectie. Mopjes en quotes die ik van instagram kopieer in de hoop dat de vrouwen deze nog niet op hun eigen feed gezien hebben, want meer moeite is liefde niet waard. Zodat mijn partner na een relatie van twee jaar kan beseffen dat ik niet de persoon ben die ze over me heen projecteerde. Veel gedoe voor niets. Dat wil ik niet.

Ik schrijf elke dag. Ik schrijf lelijke dingen. Dingen die niet ver zouden geraken op instagram. Soms gruwelijke dingen. Vaak banaal gezaag zoals dit. Maar het is ten minste echt. En dat is wat ik wil: Een echte, diepe connectie met een andere ziel. Ik wil niet iemands volgende dopamine hit zijn. Ik wil geen sociale media post zijn die voorbij scrollt in iemands leven. Ik hoef geen like. Je kan al je vuile likes thuishouden. Ik wil geen mooie jongen zijn in een lange lijst van mooie jongens op de GSM van een meisje. Een van vele smoelen waar ze even naar kijkt tussen de soep en de patatten en dan nooit meer aan denkt.

Is echte liefde dan niet makkelijk genoeg? Niet handig genoeg? Niet lui genoeg ? Moet ik besteld worden op bol punt com en aan huis geleverd worden, met zo min mogelijk zever? Moeten vrouwen mij zo min mogelijk leren kennen? Zo min mogelijk stappen tussen mijn gezicht zien op een schermpje en mij in hun bed leggen. Altijd makkelijk om een refund te krijgen. En moet ik dan blij zijn? Zelfs dankbaar zijn? Dat iemand me nog wilt?

Wat een zever. In zo'n wereld wilt niemand me echt. In zo'n wereld maken we elkaar wijs dat we verliefd zijn. Ik denk dan dat iemand mij wilt, omdat een app me een melding stuurde. Want ergens op aarde zag een vrouw mijn domme smoel voorbij scrollen in een waterval van domme smoelen en ze dacht "kon erger". Maar ze zou me nooit aanspreken als ze me ergens ontmoette in de onhandige chaos van het echte leven. Wilt ze me dan wel? Welke richting je ook swipet, het is evenveel commitment.

"Hij stuurt mij wel." Dat denkt ze vast. Gewoon omdat je swipet wilt niet zeggen dat je daarna tegen hem moet praten. Geen commitment nodig. Want dat is de taak van mannen en als een man dom genoeg is om niet te sturen, dan hebben de vrouwen toch al hun handen vol met de andere matches. Het is moeilijk om in die mentaliteit te kruipen, als man. Vrouwen krijgen honderden eikels die hen lastig vallen op eender welk digitaal platform dat de mens ooit heeft uitgevonden. Bij ons mannen, zijn dat allemaal bots. Bij hen niet. Een vrouw van mijn generatie krijgt waarschijnlijk al seksuele opmerkingen haar richting uitgeslingerd sinds ze 13 jaar was, op haar NeoPets account of wat dan ook. Zo iemand is niet op zoek naar nog meer aandacht. Als één van haar matches wijselijk beslist om haar niet lastig te vallen zonder reden dan is dat geen verlies. Het zal waarschijnlijk niet eens opvallen. En dat kan ik geen enkele vrouw kwalijk nemen. Zij worden het ook beu en ik zou niet in hun schoenen willen staan. Nee, ik word zot van er nog maar aan te denken.

Ik verwijder het tekstje voor mijn nep dating app bio. Einde van dat gedachtenexperiment. Ik stop met de contracten te lezen en ik laat de notaris weten dat het wel in orde zal zijn. Ik koop een huis. Mijn eigen huis. Een plek onder de zon, maar ik weet ook; vaak een plek in de nacht. Een groot gebouw met lege kamers. Vol stille hoeken waarin niemand me kan zien huilen. Waar in de vroege avond de schaduwen heersen en ik na de werkdag alleen rondslof door de schemer. Als een vampier die leeft van microgolfmaaltijden. Ik weet niet wat ik moet doen wanneer ik ziek wordt. Ik weet niet wat ik moet doen wanneer ik me gevangen voel tussen de muren. Ik weet niet hoe ik ooit nog een andere ziel zal leren kennen, vanuit mijn nieuwe grot. Ik zal altijd de enigste vampier blijven, als ik niet durf om een andere vampier te verwelkomen in mijn huis.

Maar dan schrijf ik dit ding, en lees ik het. En eindelijk besef ik dan hoe weinig dankbaarheid er in mijn klaagzang zit. Ik heb een huis nu. Mijn eigen huis! (Een plek onder de zon!) Iets dat de meeste mensen van mijn leeftijd nog niet kunnen hebben. Het feit dat ik alleen ben, maakt het mirakel nog groter. En ik ben niet echt alleen. Terwijl ik zit weg te draaien in mijn gedachten over het eeuwenoude vraagstuk van hoe ik ooit aan een lief zal geraken, rolt mijn broer met zijn ogen. Alles dat ik tegen hem zeg vindt hij absurd, want hij gelooft in mij. Hij verzekert me dat het wel gaat lukken wanneer ik zit te piekeren over het geld. Hij volgt mijn pessimistische "Het is best dat ik nooit kinderen heb" op met een optimistische "Waarom niet? Zou ge peter willen zijn?". Mijn zus rijdt me naar waar ik moet zijn met haar wagen. Onderweg praten we over de schrijfkunst en lego. Mijn ouders zijn twee satelieten die ik niet van me los kan slaan. Ze hebben zo veel geld bijeengeschraapt om deze droom waar te maken, dat ik me er voor schaam. En dat met maar minimale manipulatie van mijn kant. Mijn vrienden geven me meubels, gratis en voor niets. We duwen stuntelig een kruiwagen met een zetel op door het dorp, en lachen tot we plat vallen (in de zetel). Tegen mijn pessimistische verwachtingen in gaat mijn baas akkoord met een vier vijfde contract. Mijn collega's luisteren respectvol naar mijn geratel, zolang het over software gaat. En tussen alle stress door, schrijf ik verder. De tweede versie van mijn boek is bijna af. Mijn test lezers zijn positief.

's nachts blijft het kou. Maar ik besef dat ik niet alleen ben. Nooit alleen ben. Nooit alleen was. De koude is niet de eenzaamheid. Het is gewoon november.