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rosiehrs · 2 months ago

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roster | mikha lim.

part one of three.

summary ; excitement was something she was missing and you provided it for her. she thinks you're clueless, but she doesn't know that every move she's made has already been played by you.

pairing ; mikha lim x fem!reader

content ; mikha goes to admu, reader goes to up, mikha volleyball player, BABAERO CONYO MIKHA!!!, hookup culture, half smau...., suggestive, read to see ^-^ !!! taglish w eng translations!

genre ; fluff, angst

wc ; 3.8k

playlist here !!

a/n ; thank u @heybeautifulstranger for helping me translate hehe labyu

mikha loved volleyball. without it, she was nothing. at least, that's what she believes.

she put all her time and effort into the sport, disregarding everything else to improve herself. she was already the star player; every young person in the country was familiar with the name ‘mikha lim’. although the girl was incredible at her sport – that wasn’t the reason why she was so well known.

mikha was attractive. she knew that and apparently everyone in the country did, too. people came to her games to watch her play, but not watch her play. mikha wished people focused more on her performance as an athlete, but she wouldn’t lie and say she didn’t like the attention. support was still support.

“huy, friday night na at nagpapractice ka pa? late na, mikhs. umuwi ka na. (it’s friday night and you’re still practicing? it’s late, mikhs. you should go home.)” her coach advised, putting equipment away. mikha laughed, gripping the ball she held. “not yet, coach. may energy pa ako. (i still have energy.)”

“baka namimiss ka na ng jowa mo. (your girlfriend might miss you already.)” she teased, earning another laugh from the star player. “i don’t have time for a relationship po.”

“oo nga, baka magalit ang mga fangirls and boys mo. (that's right, your fangirls and fanboys might get mad)” she joked, mikha rolling her eyes playfully. she threw the ball over to her coach, deciding to pack up for the night. “i can’t have a jowa when i’m supposed to be the nation’s girlfriend!” she grabbed her bag and water bottle, turning to her coach who was clearly amused by her answer. “i’ll go home na po, night, coach! see you next week.”

“bye, mikhs.”

she gets into her car, checking her phone for the first time in hours. dozens of notifications flooded her phone as soon as she changed her focus from do not disturb. ranging from message requests sent by ambitious and confident (delusional) fans to thirsty comments on her posts to getting tagged on edits, and so much more.

she ignored all of them and immediately checked her messages.

when she said she had no time for relationships, she meant it. but that didn’t mean no time for some fun. she drove home to freshen up and get ready to meet up with her friends.

the loud and busy atmosphere always amuses mikha. while some people enjoy quiet and intimate places, mikha enjoyed the club.

“lim! over here!” kyle, one of her friends, calls out. she made her way past the sea of dancing drunks and sat with her group. “get me a drink, kyle.” she said, making the group laugh. “wow, hello to you, too.” he sassed before getting up to get mikha’s go-to. “sinong target mo today, mikhs? (who's your target of the day, mikhs?)” evan asked with a smirk on his face. “kakarating ko lang, van. (i just got here, van.) let me drink first, then that question will be easy to answer.”

kyle shortly came back to the table with mikha’s drink, sliding it over to her excitedly. “thanks, kyle.” she dragged, taking a sip from the glass. “okay, you drank na. who’re you going after?” evan pushed, causing the group to laugh. “what if you just sit and relax, mikhs? it won’t hurt to go a night without sleeping with a random girl.” aiah suggested, foolishly, mikha thought. she scoffed, shaking her head. “ate aiah, where’s the fun in that? besides, i’m not in the mood to sleep with someone tonight.”

“then?”

“baka make out lang... (probably just make out...)”

and that’s exactly what she did.

as soon as she got a little tipsy, she moved to the dance floor and picked a girl up without even trying. she pushed the girl against the wall, her lips on hers and hands on her waist. mikha had no idea what her name was or where she came from. they made small talk before, but mikha didn’t bother listening. she knew where this was gonna lead and she didn’t want to waste time remembering details about someone she was never going to see again.

she pulled away from the girl, who’s eyes twinkled with excitement. “this was fun, thanks…?”

“jen! my name is jen! but it’s okay if you don’t remember! you wanna get out of here? we can get out of here!” she asked, eager to spend more time with mikha. she slowly let go of jen’s waist, squinting her eyes before shaking her head. “nah, i’m good. you have a good night, though.” and with that, she left the girl alone in the bathroom stunned and embarrassed.

she made her way back to her group’s table, all eyeing her with amusement in their eyes. “what?” she asked, grabbing a fry from the basket they were all sharing. “who was it?”

“i don’t know what you’re talking about.” she shrugs, grabbing another fry to try and end the conversation.

“maybe you should check your hair and makeup before you leave the bathroom, lim.” kyle teased, catching mikha off guard. “shit, is it bad?”

gwen laughed before passing her a wet wipe. “nakakatawa ka, mikhs. (you’re funny, mikhs)”

“i don’t even remember her name. it was like jane something..?”

“jen?! jen santos?! you made out with jen santos?!” evan yelped, letting out the biggest laugh. “what’s wrong..? she was pretty.”

“yeah, she’s pretty. but she’s like.. obsessed with you. i heard she’s been trying to catch you at one of these things so she’s gone to every club in the area.”

“are you being for real..? what if we’re talking about different jens?” mikha suggested. but evan was quick to whip his phone out and show her jen’s account. “is this her?”

“oh..”

evan let out another laugh, causing kyle to laugh with him. “she’s just gonna keep coming here now! we need to find another place!” they joked, earning an eye roll from her. “she’s probably not that bad, you’re just–”

“mikha!” a voice calls out, catching everyone’s attention. it was jen. she walked over to their table a little too excitedly, standing over mikha and placing her hand on her shoulder. “i think you should rethink your decision, malapit lang ang place ko! (my place is near!) we could dip right now.” she offered, trying to be seductive. “ah.. i’m good, jane.” mikha replied, removing her hand off of her shoulder. “it’s jen, pero okay lang! (but it’s okay!) you wanna sit with me? nakaupo lang ako doon. (i’m just sitting there)”

“i’m good.. i’m here with my friends. you have a good night, though.” she smiled politely, trying her best to send her away. “oh, okay! i’ll catch you mamaya (later)! i’ll get your number or something.”

mikha simply nodded as the girl walked away, extremely giddy from the interaction. “shit.. no wonder why it was so much easier.” they all laughed at her, echoes of various comments following. “this is why you should’ve listened to me and stayed still.” aiah joked, but meant it.

“next time, i won’t even look at a girl.” her friends snickered knowing that would never be possible.

you were a casual sports enjoyer, being in a sports enthusiastic school – you couldn’t escape it. everyone would go to all the games, basketball, volleyball. it was one of the few things that brought everyone together, but it never came above your academics.

it wasn’t like all you did was study, you liked to think you had a healthy school life balance, going out with your friends whenever they wanted to hang out, seeing some people here and there. you were able to maintain a good social life with good grades and that was more than some people could wish for.

and your unexpected ‘attention’ really did help you get through a lot. it all started when you helped your best friend, jay, out with his band, x:o’s set at a local event. they were starting to become popular, their songs being played across the country. they were heavily praised for their good music and well.. good looks.

x:o consisted of five members, jay, jake, stephen, ricky and evan. they were indeed a group of attractive young men and managed to put out really good music. after the gig, the group’s account dedicated a post thanking those who helped out and you managed to catch the eyes of a lot of fans.

after the post, your social media accounts started to gain traction, earning a few thousand followers in the time span of a week. you appreciated the attention, but with your focus on school, you were never really active on social media, only posting a few pictures and a few tweets here and there. the attention only grew from there as more and more people started to approach you, later sharing on social media how kind and down to earth you were or how pictures didn’t do you justice. jay teased you for it all the time, joking about how he should be your manager since he’s the reason why all of this started.

your entire friend group has never missed a gig of theirs, but people only ever pointed you out. you and jay started to gain attention as a pair, people getting suspicious by how close you were, eventually leading to them thinking that you were dating. both of you never made an effort to shut the rumours down as you simply didn’t care. (and it helped jay a little with the people who would flirt with him)

your group would laugh at the posts knowing that you looooved women. you were jealous of jay because of the girls that would approach him; some very attractive girls. ‘i should’ve joined a band’ you would joke whenever a girl would speak to him.

x:o landed a gig at the vault, a very popular club in the area. every weekend this place was crowded, which is why this gig is a big deal. jay was setting up with his band while the rest of you (except angelo) had started drinking. “thanks sa food, ate jho! (thanks for the food, jho!)” sheena shrieked, stuffing her face with the food jhoanna bought for her. “wala yun… dapat magpasalamat ka kay y/n kasi treat niya ‘to. (it’s nothing, you should actually be thanking y/n since this is her treat.)” she glared, causing you to laugh. “okay lang yun, jho! libre kita next time, bribe lang kasi ‘to. (that’s okay, jho! i’ll take care of it next time, this was only just a bribe.)”

“ang daming tao rito, mga walay batasan. (there are so many people here, people with no manners.)” colet commented, kissing her teeth and subtly glaring at everyone she saw. “yun oh, yung naka green, suntukin ko siya, beh– (that one, the one wearing green, i’m gonna punch her–)”

“nakarating pa lang natin, may suntukin ka agad? (we just arrived and you’ve already found someone to punch?)”

whilst your group started bickering about colet’s impulsive (and violent) thoughts, the nation’s girlfriend had arrived with her group of friends. “guys, we were just here last week.” mikha complained, getting dragged by kyle. “since when have you ever been against clubbing?” kyle asked, “besides, we’re here for evan. supportive friends tayo diba? (we’re supportive friends, right?) our little rockstar, performing at our favourite club. full circle moment na ‘to, guys. umiiyak na ako. (this is a full circle moment, guys. i'm crying now.) ” the girls rolled their eyes at his drama, hitting him with teasing comments about how lame he was.

your two groups were together more often than anyone realised. despite having friends in the same band; your friend groups never came in contact with each other. jay was familiar with evan’s friends and evan was familiar with jay’s friends, but their friends knowing each other wasn’t the case.

mikha slid over to the bar, smiling at the bartender as a non-verbal order. she was here all the time and was very familiar with all the staff. while waiting, she looked around to observe the crowd and her eyes landed on an unfamiliar face. she stared at you for a few seconds, growing more and more curious as she watched you from a distance. feeling someone’s gaze, you turned to the side and locked eyes with the particular redhead. the both of you held eye contact until a glass was placed in front of her. she turned away from you to thank him and immediately turned her head back to your direction, but to her disappointment; you were gone.

she brought her drink over to their booth, everyone curious about her expressions. “nangyare? (what happened?) you good?” gwen asked, concerned. “yeah, i just think i found my girl for the night.”

“ayan ka na naman. (here you go again.)” aiah sneered, shaking her head. “sino ba? (who is it?)”

“i don’t know yet eh, but i’ll find out.”

you got back to your group with snacks in hand, sitting down next to sheena. “nakita ko yung atenean na volleyball player (i saw that atenean volleyball player). the redhead.”

“ah, mikha lim? nandito siya? (she’s here?)” jhoanna asked. “is that her name?”

“yeah, kaibigan ata siya ni evan. bakit? (i think she’s friends with evan. why?)” gelo replied, throwing a peanut into his mouth.

you shrugged and took a sip of your drink, “wala lang (nothing), she’s pretty.”

“her fans call her the nation’s girlfriend,” gelo added, making sheena giggle. “seryoso! (i’m serious!) babaero yan. (she’s a player)”

“ang corny, (how corny)” she added. you rolled your eyes at her, although you did agree. but you did see why they called her that. you only needed one glance to see that she was attractive.

as time went by, more drinks were bought. kyle was already failing to stand up straight and the band had yet to start. both groups made their way to the front of the stage, cheering as the much anticipated band started preparing for their entrance. “the vault, let’s make some noise!” cheers erupted as the five members walked onto the stage, all their faces laced with excitement and determination. “are we ready to have some fun tonight?” jake beckoned with his bass guitar in his hand. the cheers grew louder, all of you grinning at jay as you saw the excitement on his face, “this is ‘looking for somebody (to love)’, hope you enjoy!”

the familiar guitar melody started playing, jay and stephen immediately getting into it. everyone in the crowd started dancing along as jay started singing the first verse. mikha coolly bopped her head to the music, trying her best to avoid contact with random strangers. you were on the other side of the stage as she caught your eye, her red hair made it easy for her to stick out in a crowd. you admired how elegant her small movements managed to be, smiling briefly as you watched her dance with her friends. coincidentally, she looked up and locked eyes with you once again. a small smirk crawled across her face, pleased with the fact that she had your attention in this crowd. you sent a small smile her way before turning away to dance with jhoanna. she couldn't tear her eyes off of you. she needed to have you.

a few songs after, the crowd seemed to quiet down. “should we slow it down a little? gusto niyo ba? (would you guys like that?)” jay asked, playing with his earpiece.

“this is fallingforyou.”

What time you coming out?

We started losing light

mikha turned to find you, seeing you leaning on colet. you felt her gaze on you, tilting your head as your eyes met once again. she was amused, but she didn’t know why. there was something about you that was so alluring. she moved to face the band before turning back to look at you, but you were gone. again.

“uh, guys, i’ll be back.” she said, eyes searching through the crowd to find you. “yeah, yeah. have fun, mikhs.” they replied, knowing what she was leaving to do.

she pushed past dozens of people on the dance floor, relentlessly trying to find you. after getting past what felt like hundreds of people, she finally found you standing against a wall near the side exit with your arms crossed.

“eager, are we?” you asked as she walked towards you. “no.. not really. i mean, you must be though, right? leaving the crowd to wait for me here?” she grinned, standing over you. “who says i’m waiting for you?”

“your eyes are telling me everything i need to know.” she mumbled, hand travelling to your waist. “everything? really?”

And on this night and in this light

“am i wrong? do you have something else to say to me?”

you hummed, pretending to think, letting her pull you closer towards her. “bilisan mo na. (hurry up.) i’ve been thinking about you for almost an hour now. my patience is running out.” she complained, ducking her head into your hair, taking in the scent of your shampoo. your breath hitched as her face moved closer to yours, “can i?”

you replied by grabbing her neck and placing your lips eagerly onto hers. mikha let out a breath of content, pleased with the contact you two were finally making. she gripped onto your waist, soothing you with caresses every now and then.

I think I’m falling, I’m falling for you

your lips moved against each other with vigour, pouring out all of the lust and need you managed to have for each other in a short period of time. for the first time in forever, mikha was excited. she loved the feeling of your lips against hers, the faint scent of your shampoo, how you felt in her hands. she didn’t want to stop kissing you.

you pulled away briefly, placing your head on her shoulder, trying to catch your breath. “you.. i...” she began, unable to form words. you laughed and patted her cheek, not bothering to speak as you knew you’d go through the same struggle. “you wanna get out of here?” she managed, looking down at you with lidded eyes. “i’d love to, but i’m here with my friends.” you answered, the taller girl clearly not pleased with your answer. “please,” she whined, wrapping her arms around your waist to bring you into a hug. “i don’t even know your name, i can’t leave with you.” you laughed, hugging her back regardless. “my name’s mikha, can we go now?”

you laughed once again against her shoulder, shaking your head. “well, mikha. i still can’t leave with you.”

“thank you all so much! we’re x:o, we hope to perform for you guys again soon! mag ingat kayong lahat! (take care everyone)” you heard from the speakers, causing you to fix your posture. you slowly let go of mikha, getting an annoyed groan out of her. “i have to go, it was nice meeting you, though! mag ingat ka, ha? (take care of yourself, okay?)”

“wait, what?”

“i’ll see you, mikha.” you smiled, locking lips with her once more before you ran into the crowd to find your friends.

“wait! i don’t even know your name!”

mikha groaned, throwing her head into her hands. who cares if you were with your friends? she could take care of you (in more ways than one). she stayed there for a few minutes, trying to fight off the warm feeling you left her with. she made her way back to her friends shortly after, evan finally joining them. “mikhs! i was wondering if you were gonna come back. you okay?” aiah asked as she sat down next to her. mikha defeatedly dropped her head onto aiah’s shoulder and sighed, “yeah..” was all she let out.

she felt frustrated, you brought her so much excitement and even if she wanted to do it again (which she did); she wouldn’t be able to. this was the first time she wished she made some sort of small talk before, because other than the taste of your lips and the scent of your shampoo – she knew nothing about you.

you rushed back to your friends, blindly trying to fix your appearance before reaching them. you saw colet waiting besides the door that led backstage. “well, well, well.” colet began, “nakakatawa ka talaga, beh. (you’re really funny.)” she laughed before dragging you inside. “look who i found. bumalik siya, guys. (she came back, guys.)” you rolled your eyes at her before hugging jay, “good job, jayboy! you did great tonight.”

“eh, pano mo malalaman? nawala ka bigla. (how would you know? you just disappeared.)” sheena joked, sticking her tongue out at you. “i heard the entire set! ano ka ba? (what are you saying) i was just doing something.” "right.. right.. you should fix your makeup, y/n. that something didn't really hold back."

“what?!” you asked, grabbing the mirror jhoanna was holding out for you and immediately turned around in embarrassment. you quickly tried rubbing the lipstick marks off your face as your friends laughed at you.

“whatever, guys. basta (anyway), good job, jay.”

he laughed but was thankful for the support. "it's okay, y/n. it's a club! i encourage this behaviour, in fact - i endorse it." you rolled your eyes at him as he slung his arm around your shoulders. "let's go na? back to mine? we can get food and drinks on the way." he suggested, wanting a more intimate celebration. "paano ang mga bandmates mo? celebration niyo? (how about your bandmates? your celebration?)" angelo asked. "we had our little moment na after the show. bukas yung celebration namin. okay lang. ready na ba tayo? (we'll have our celebration tomorrow. it's okay. are we ready?)" you all agreed and hurriedly made your way out of the venue.

mikha spent the rest of the night trying to find you, not knowing you left from the back exit.

“god, mikhs. who the hell did you hook up with? you’ve been so out of it since you came back.” kyle commented, evidently noticing her friend’s odd behaviour. “i wish i knew, i literally don’t know what her name is. i feel like an idiot, i begged her, for fuck’s sake. i don’t beg.” she complained, taking another sip of her drinking, causing aiah to take it away. “okay, that’s enough for tonight. lasing ka na, uminom ka na ng tubig. (you’re already drunk, you should drink water now.)” mikha groaned at her but listened anyway.

“can you describe her?”

“ganda. pretty. cute. ganda. hot. pretty. gwapa. i don’t know,” she slurred, slamming her head down on the table dramatically. “whatever, i don’t even care.” she continued.

mikha got over you the next day, but slowly, a week went by and you still occasionally managed to cross her mind. she still wondered about who you were and unfortunately still wanted to see you again, but there were plenty of fish in the sea and you know, it wasn’t that serious.

– hope u enjoy..... @yumtooki :3

#mikha lim x reader #mikha x reader #bini x reader #bini mikha #bini imagines

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respectthepetty · 4 months ago

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Upcoming Taiwanese BLs

We are over halfway through 2024, and as usual, I've only had two Taiwanese BLs (Unknown, Anti Reset), so even though I'm sitting on a stack of BLs to watch every single week from other countries, call me Smaug because I need MORE!

Honorary Korean BL: Uncovering the Curse of Taekwondo (2024)

Former friends (and possibly lovers) reunite at a funeral after going their separate ways for over a decade, but, honestly, I don't care about the plot because this comes from Hwang Da Seul who was behind Blueming, To My Star, and Where Your Eyes Linger, so I know it's going to be amazing. There is a movie and a series version, and the movie already premiered at the Bucheon International Fantastic Film Festival in South Korea at the beginning of July. The runtime was 154 minutes, but the series is eight episodes around thirty minutes each and is currently seeking distribution.

First Note of Love (August 2024)

My most beloved, Charles Tu, from my favorite BL HIStory 4: Close to You is finally returning to me in the form of a washed-up singer who stepped away from the spotlight due to a tragic event only to be dragged back in by an up-and-coming composer who is also a longtime fan. It is a joint production with Thailand's Star Hunter Entertainment (the company behind Big Dragon, Love Senior, City of Stars, and Sunset x Vibes) and features a side couple of a Thai singer and a Taiwanese agent. It will involve singing, but I'm already too comfortable in my seat with my snacks to care.

Fragrance of the First Flower Season 2 (2024)

The lone GL holding down this list finished filming late last year and Gagaoolala has been releasing BTS images since filming began, so it'll likely land there once it is released. The series is a continuation of the 2021 first season, which people were not thrilled about because of the ending, so this season should solve some of the angst we were left with by exploring the two women actually coming together to navigate life as a couple.

The Only One (August 2024)

Directed by Liu Kuang Hui, who directed Your Name Engraved Herein, written by the same folks behind The Untamed, and based on Mu Su Li's novel A Certain Someone which is about two boys whose parents are dating and move in together, so the mains go from enemies-to-??? and the only reason for the question marks on a Taiwanese BL is because the word on these BL streets (and his MDL page) is one of the actors works heavily in China, so this might be the reason this one has been was in limbo even though filming finished earlier this year, but the socials are still posting it's coming this year.

See Your Love (Filming Complete)

This co-production with Japan is about a rich man who falls in love with his hearing-impaired caregiver. It finished filming at the end of May and will have those sweet sweet Taiwanese BL cameos from some Be Loved in House: I Do and Plus and Minus folks PLUS it will be the first cameos for the Kiseki: Dear to Me guys since the company that produced their show is the same one for this show.

Impression of Youth (Filming Complete)

Very little is known about the plot of this teacher-student romance, but it comes from the same folks who produced DNA Says Love You and one of the mains, Muji Hsu, was also the lead in 2020's Because of You. Filming finished at the end of May, and the company stated it would be out before the end of the year.

Islanders (late 2024/early 2025)

This is based on a novel, Islands, by Lolita Hu, features some well known Taiwanese actors, and for a bit was under the name Sea of Intimacy. It's being presented as an 'older BL' but the MDL summary is sparse of the BL-plot: Hung, a successful entrepreneur, has three intimate relationships: his wife, his mistress, and his girlfriend. The lives of these individuals in their 20s, 30s, 40s, and 50s are intertwined because of romance, but their story extends beyond that. When Hung faces criticism on social media and loses everything, the way they react tells us how they see the world.

Wishing Upon the Shooting Star & The Young Gangster (2025)

These two deal with completely different plots but are together because of one reason: Ray Jiang. He is the director for these two and was the director for Unknown, My Tooth Your Love, and We Best Love. The companies behind them have stated the series are coming next year, but the guess is Ray's busy schedule is part of the hold up since he has a Netflix series in the works and apparently a film featuring Sam Lin (We Best Love) on the way. The Young Gangster is based on a novel and deals with a research assistant gathering information on the mafia (and we know how the mafia works in BLs), while Shooting Star deals with a man wishing that nobody notices him once he returns to his hometown after being fired. The wish backfires and nobody recognizes him, not even his dad or the boy he confessed to in high school! BL Mafia, Sideways Wishes, and Ray Ray are my favorite types of snacks!

Pray in Love (2025?)

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A police officer falls in love with a man only to realize that man is the son of a prominent leader on the day of his arranged wedding in which he was hired as security for the event. The series already released a short film of the basic premise for fundraising efforts and festival rounds. Apparently, filming has started on the series, but there is no concrete confirmation from the production company.

Eternal Butler (2025)

Edited to add thanks to @cankersoregirl! This is a sequel to VBL's Anti Reset and began filming in early July. It focuses on Ever 4 who is sent to be a bodyguard for a young rich man only to encounter a rebellious man.

That Year, 162 Rainfalls (In Production?)

Is this a movie? Is it a series? Is it happening?! Who knows, but last year, it finally got funding and a director attached to it, but the real kicker is Lin Pei Yu is the screenwriter, and she is the writer behind all of my favorite Taiwanese BLs: We Best Love, HIStory 3: Trapped, My Tooth Your Love, Kiseki: Dear to Me, and so much more. Basically, the company struck gold getting her for this story about two archers and best friends. One gets confessed to but admits he actually is in love with his best friend, but before love can happen, the best friend has an accident and falls into a coma. It is based on a novel of the same name, and the plot is way more hefty than this, but I know Lin Pei Yu will make it work!

Four Seasons (Pre, Pre, PRE-Production?)

This is supposed to be four different stories focusing on different seasons, and is rumored to be VBL's next group of shows since the company has stated it wants to continue its formula from last year of releasing slightly connected shows. VBL/Vidol was behind Stay by My Side, VIP Only, You Are Mine, and Anti Reset. Winter is about a scrooge CEO and a florist who is hired to decorate for the CEO's Christmas event. Spring is about two boys meeting on a bus and falling in love over music. Summer is about a market owner and a chef falling in love over food. Autumn is about two former best friends seeing each other ten years after graduating and exploring their hometown together.

Connecting to You (Pre-Production?)

It seems to have gotten funding, but it's been quiet since which isn't surprising because when it comes to Taiwanese BLs, nothing is really heard until filming begins or even after it ends. I still have my hopes high because this is *THE* BL for me as it deals with a man who can see colored threads connecting people and one day runs into a policeman whose thread connects to him. The thread between them begins to change color, from silver-grey to yellow, representing friendship, and even to red, representing love. If I have to sell an organ or two to fund this myself, I. Will. Do. It. I NEED THIS!

And this wouldn't be a Petty Post if I didn't include this final one:

HIStory 15: Freed (GIVE IT TO ME!)

I don't care if this a long shot. I don't care if I seem crazy always asking for this. I. Deserve. It. HIStory 3: Trapped ended with our best mafia boy in prison, and it's time he got out! The HIStory franchise has not had a series since 2022's HIStory 5: Love in the Future, and although there have been rumors that a HERstory story might be next, I think bringing back a popular story would be just as good. I will ask for this every chance I can until I get it, and I plan on living a long life, so I got time!

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lindsey-laufeyson · 1 year ago

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Saying Goodbye

Tom Hiddleston x wife!reader oneshot

Your husband just finished filming season 2 of Loki, thus concluding his long journey as the God of Mischief, but as a stunt double for The Marvels, you’re stuck doing a reshoot on the night of the wrap party when all you want to do is be there for him.

Warnings: angst, fluff

A/N: After watching the Loki finale, as well as Tom’s interview on Jimmy Fallon, I guess I wrote this to process my own grief (and be a little self indulgent)…

When you walked into the wrap party, you spotted your husband immediately, talking to Ke Huy Quan across the room by the bar. Tom’s dyed black curls were slightly disheveled and he was gesturing wildly with his hands, clearly very passionate about whatever the topic of conversation was. You couldn’t help but smile to yourself as you watched him, until you were pulled from your thoughts by a familiar voice.

“Well, look what the cat dragged in,” Owen Wilson greeted you, pulling you in for a hug. “Glad you could make it!”

“And just in time, evidently,” you added as you pulled out of the hug. “Is he doing any better?”

Owen shook his head and sighed. “He’s not doing any worse, I can say that much.”

The two of you walked over to Tom and Ke, and you slid your arm around Tom’s slender waist. “Sorry to interrupt,” you told them both.

Tom’s eyes lit up when he saw you. “Darling! You made it!” he said excitedly, standing up from his seat at the bar and quickly giving you a hug and kiss before addressing the entire room. “Y/n Hiddleston, everybody!” he shouted, pointing at you as if you were the big surprise guest for the night. Everyone played along and cheered while you waved bashfully at them all before turning back to Tom.

“How are you doing, my love?” you asked him, concerned, as you cupped his face in your hand.

“I’m wonderful,” he assured you. “Why?”

You glanced at Owen apprehensively. “Owen said you were sort of… spiraling.”

“What?” Tom looked at Owen confused. “You said I was spiraling?”

“You’ve been spiraling a little,” Owen said quietly from behind you. You and Ke proceeded to watch the two men bicker back and forth.

“I think I’d know if I was spiraling.”

“I mean, it’s a subtle spiral, but a spiral all the same.”

“Is there even such a thing as a subtle spiral?

“So you’re admitting that it’s not subtle. Good!”

“No, I’m saying there was no spiral to begin with.”

“Oh my god! If either of you say the word spiral one more time, I’m going to start spiraling,” you shouted abruptly.

“I promise you, darling, I’m fine. Really.” Tom attempted to reassure you as he pulled you close to him. You looked over your shoulder at Owen briefly who held up his hands in defeat.

“Alright,” you conceded, before turning to Ke. “I’m so sorry, Ke! I didn’t mean to interrupt your conversation.”

“It’s okay,” Ke said cheerfully. “Tom was just telling me about how I shouldn’t get too attached to anything because everything ends eventually.” You and Owen both gave Tom a look.

Tom chuckled nervously and then clapped his hands together. “Shots anyone?” he asked, as he turned to the bartender. “Another round of Loki shots, please! And add one more for my beautiful wife!”

“No need,” Owen called after the bartender. “She can just have mine!”

“Oh no, I’m good. I’m driving,” you chimed in, shooting a glare at Owen.

“That’s fine. I’ll just have both of theirs,” Tom said nonchalantly.

You quickly stepped between Tom and the bar. “Hey, maybe we should forget the shots and have a little fun of our own at home.” You gave him a playful wink, hoping to distract him.

“But you just got here,” he protested. “Please, let’s stay for a while and celebrate the end!”

The way he said ‘celebrate the end’ sounded excited and happy, but you could tell it was forced. Still, it was his night tonight (though he would never accept it if you told him that), and you didn’t want to be the one to spoil it, so you obliged.

You, Tom, Owen, and the rest of the ‘Loki’ cast and crew spent the next couple of hours laughing, dancing, and sharing stories (most of which ended up being about Tom), and it seemed like maybe Tom was handling things better than you had originally thought. There was a moment when he reprised his rendition of ‘Very Full’ from the first season of the show, and you thought for a moment, during the slower part of the song, that he was finally letting his feelings to the surface, but as the song picked up again, so did his demeanor. It wasn’t until people started to say their goodbyes for the night, that you really began to see his happy exterior fade.

“I think it’s time to call it, boss,” Owen said to Tom as the last few cast members departed, leaving only the three of you along with a couple of closing staff in the venue rented out for the night’s festivities.

“I suppose so,” Tom agreed with a sad smile.

“We’re still on for lunch before your flight leaves tomorrow, right?” you asked Owen as he hugged you and Tom goodbye.

“I wouldn’t miss it,” he replied. And with that he left.

You then turned to your husband and held out your hand. “Come on, love. Let’s get you home.”

The two of you spent the car ride reliving the fun of the party, and were laughing as you walked in the front door of the house. As you set your purse down on the buffet in the foyer, Tom wrapped his arms around your waist from behind and nuzzled into your neck.

“Thank you for coming,” he said softly.

You placed your hands over his and swayed back and forth. “Of course, baby. But I want to ask you one more time…” You turned around to face him, putting one hand on his shoulder and the other gently cupped his face. “Are you alright? Because it’s perfectly okay to not be okay right now. You just closed a huge chapter of your life and no one expects you to just take it on the chin.”

As you said this, Tom’s eyes slowly welled up with tears as he finally let go of the mask he’d so tirelessly upheld all night. “I’ve said goodbye to Loki before, and I thought I could do it again” he began, his voice cracking slightly. “But it’s only that much harder now. He changed my life. He’s become such a deeply rooted part of me over the last 13 years. How am I expected to just move on from that?”

A tear fell down his cheek and you brushed it away with your thumb. “No one expects you to, sweetheart,” you replied in a soft, comforting tone. “You’re allowed to grieve.”

Tom squeezed his eyes shut, causing more tears to fall as he hugged you tight, burying his face in the crook of your neck. You held him there for a moment, stroking his hair while he quietly cried.

“But, Tom,” you continued, taking his face in both hands, lifting his head, and looking deep in his eyes. “Even if Loki’s on-screen journey is over, it doesn’t mean he’s gone. You said it yourself that he’s a part of you. Even if Kevin Feige never calls you up again— which, let’s be honest, is never out of the question at this point—” He let out a small chuckle. “As long as you’re around, so is he, and that’s because you put your heart and soul into that character, much like everything else that you do. It’s one of the many reasons I fell in love with you.”

Tom smiled at you through his tears before leaning down to kiss you tenderly. When your lips finally parted he leaned his forehead against yours and sighed. “Thank you, love,” he whispered.

“No, thank you Tom,” you replied, tears forming in your own eyes now. “Thank you for giving us Loki.”

…

One year later:

youtube

#tom hiddleston #loki #original content #loki laufeyson #tom hiddleston x reader #Tom hiddleston x wife!reader #tom hiddleston fluff #tom hiddleston angst #loki spoilers #tom hiddleston x y/n #tom hiddleston x you #owen wilson #loki season 2 #loki series #tom hiddleston one shot #tom hiddleston fanfiction

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junkissed · 8 months ago

Text

junhui masterlist.

<- back to main masterlist

☆ please read my guidelines before making a request! ☆ genre key: [🤍] = requested; [🐈] = requested for 1k event; [💒] = posted on @junekissed; [ M ] = smut; [ F ] = fluff; [ H ] = humor; [ A ] = angst

[📮] — jun hard thots tag

• bf!jun headcanons 💒🤍 [ F ] 0.35k words - est. relationship

• vampire!jun headcanons 💒🤍 [ F, H ] 0.95k words - shy reader, est. relationship

• showering with jun NSFW headcanons [ M ] 0.5k words - soft dom!jun, est. relationship

• showering with jun SFW headcanons 💒 [ F ] 0.5k words - est. relationship

• bedtime kisses 💒[ F ] 0.65k words - est. relationship

• 19:06pm 💒 [ F ] 0.3k words - est. relationship

• tummy veins [ M, F ] 0.8k words - domestic, gn reader

• jun + reader wearing a skirt 🤍 [ M ] 0.8k words - est. relationship

• balloons & handmade cards 💒 [ F ] 0.7k words - est. relationship, dad!jun x mom!reader, mother's day

• bf!jun x short reader 💒 [ F, H ] 0.5k words - headcanons

• jun waiting for round 2 🤍 [ M ] 0.55k words - dom!jun

• jun + biting his pecs 🤍 [ M ] 0.85k words - idol!au, est. relationship

• gentle [ F ] 0.9k words - domestic, est. relationship, suggestive

• moments with jun 🤍 [ F ] 1.9k words - headcanons, est. relationship

• love bug 🤍 [ F ] 0.8k words - est. relationship, taking care of you when you're sick

• toasted pumpkin seeds 💒 [ F ] 1k words - halloween, est. relationship

• hui's moving castle 💒 [ F, H ] 1.1k words - halloween, est. relationship

• coffee shop confessions 💒🤍 [ F ] 1.3k words - best friend!jun, f2l, idiots to lovers

• search for clues [ M, H ] 1.7k words - halloween, shaggy!jun x velma!reader, high sex, marijuana consumption, soft dom!jun

• bite me [ M ] 1.5k words - halloween, roleplay, vampire!jun x vampire hunter!reader, switch!jun

• sweet treat [ M, F ] 1.9k words - valentine's day, food play, est. relationship

• goodnight moon 💒🤍 [ F ] 1.1k words - est. relationship

• jun wearing makeup 🤍 [ M, F ] 2.5k words - est. relationship, dom!jun

• sunkissed 💒 [ F ] 2.8k words - est. relationship, husband!jun

• after dark 🤍 [ M ] 2k words - est. relationship, somnophilia

• something spicy, something sweet 🤍 [ M, F ] 2.1k words - comfort, est. relationship

• show me what you do 🐈 [ M ] 1.2k words - sadist!jun, mean dom!jun

• better than breakfast 🤍 [ M , F ] 1.1k words - soft dom!jun

• healing hands 🤍 [ M , F ] 2.3k words - soft dom!jun, f2l, breastplay

• study buddies 🤍 [ M ] 1.6k words - college au, slightly sub!jun, choking/marking

• drenched 🐈 [ M ] 2.4k words - est. relationship, squirting

• do not disturb 🤍 [ M, H ] 2.6k words - college au, dom!jun, semi-public sex (in the library)

• sounds of the season (carat radio series #1) 💒 [ F ] 1.7k words - winter, radio host!jun, college au, s2l, blind date

• match of the season (carat radio series #2) [ M, F, H ] 7.3k words - winter, virgin!jun

• happy ending 💒 [ A, F ] 6.6k words - planned pregnancy, hurt/comfort, est. relationship

• bedroom exclusive 🤍 [ M, F ] 3.9k words - actor!jun, est. relationship

• amateur hour [ M , F ] 8.6k words - camboy!jun, f2l, idiots to lovers, fluffy ending

• ocean view [ M, F ] 8.8k words - romance, strangers to lovers, magic, spell mv inspired → ocean view bonus material - 0.9k words, bullet points, suggestive

• too hot to handle 🤍 [ F ] 1.0k words - est. relationship, comfort

#[🎟️] — navi

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semisolidmind · 2 years ago

Note

What if after Peaches has her 8 kids she gets killed by the celestial realm or something, and there's nothing the Sun family can do but wait for their mother/wife to be reincarnated, which leads to the whole 'Monkey King meeting his Peaches again after hundreds of years due to MK' situation? How would that situation change with the babies being around, desperate to see their mama?

Sorry for the multiple asks! Feel free to ignore them if it's too much or uninteresting.

oh man. that'd be an awkward family reunion, considering she won't remember any of them.

also the destruction wukong would cause to the celestial realm after they murk his wife? astronomical. and his first three kids are old enough by then to join in, and they do so eagerly.

so to start, the sun kids are all basically grown by the time wukong finds mk, with seventh and eighth being around ten years old in demon age. the siblings more or less welcome the new addition with open arms, though some more than others.

mk grows up surrounded by siblings, and oddly enough, is better adjusted socially because of it? while the influence of some of them may be questionable (cough second third fifth cough), for the most part his family is his safe place. he'd probably be a smidgen less dependent on his friends because of it. he's also less defensive and scared than the version of him without siblings.

however, the subject of their mama is one that mk is woefully left out of. he never got to meet the original reader, and his siblings (except hua and chāo, who were a bit too small to remember her clearly) don't talk about her much. mk has gotten jūn and zíhào to talk about her a little bit, but da xia just gets defensive and refuses to entertain the subject. xīnyi also deflects whenever reader comes up. the only ones willing to give mk any sort of backstory are jiāo hui and xuě fēng. those two, along with hua and chāo, are his closest friends.

in the case of mk going to the human world, i imagine wukong being slightly less reluctant to let mk go, if only because he knows that jūn, jiao hui, and xuě fēng hang around the city as well, so mk would have support. wukong would still make mandatory home visits though, since he knows his kids might not be telling him the whole truth when they report on their baby brother.

as for the event of meeting reader; wukong almost cries, seeing her again. his first interaction with her new incarnation is...softer, more subdued. reader feels a little bad for him. he seems so withdrawn, he must miss his son. she's less suspicious of him because of his attitude.

wukong doesn't know what to tell his children. their mother is reborn, but she isn't their mother anymore. she won't know any of them. he doesn't want to put them through the pain of seeing her if she can't greet each of them knowing who they are.

however.

there might be a way to reawaken his wife and mother of his children. she still exists in the soul inhabiting this new body, he just needs to bring her back to the forefront of their consciousness. he'll tear apart heaven and earth looking for a way.

cue angst and fear, and a fun time for mk trying to keep reader a secret from his more volatile siblings. zíhào, da xia, and xīnyi would likely just kidnap reader for their father if they knew, thinking, similarly to him, that they can bring back the spirit of their mother.

also, macaque has been freed by now (it may or may not have been jūn and xuě fēng who removed the seal on his mountain), and is close friends with reader. in this case, jūn warns macaque of his father's plan to try and bring back the previous reader, so he has more time to plan on how he's gonna save her.

macaque has missed the smile on reader's face, her jokes, her sass...she's much like she was when they were on the journey together. he doesn't want her new, free incarnation to have to live as a prisoner to the monkey king's sick idea of love.

he failed her all those centuries ago. he won't fail her again.

....

(also, the reason none of the other kids can weild a magic staff, but mk can; half humanity. at least that's what wukong figures it is. his kids are all almost as strong as him, so that can't be why they can't lift it. must be magical bullshit, he thinks.)

#the royal sun children #bad end mk #this got long #i had a lot of thoughts for this one #bad end wukong

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bts-0t-7 · 1 year ago

Text

So What? | MYG | Chapter 3

Pair: Hybrid Cat Yoongi x F Reader

Summary: Running from a past that foreshadows him, Yoongi is adamant about ever turning back to his human counterpart form, in hopes that nobody would recognise him and take him away. You worked at a cafe with your best friend. As a more-than-normal day seemed to go by, you discovered something amidst your housing block. Perhaps - just perhaps, the nighttime is where the angels arrive.

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hybrid, non-idol au

Warnings: Contains explicit language, abuse

WC: 1.4K

Taglist: @bearr02 @svnbangtansworld @vintageoldfashion @prwprwprwpr @bontensbabygirl @codeinebelle

< Prev. Series Masterlist. Next >

Your jaw dropped. Hybrid? It can’t be… Right?

“When hybrids stay in their animal counterpart’s form for too long, their body would start to fight and that’s when they would experience what your ‘cat’ is currently experiencing. It is called, hybrid withdrawal symptoms.”

You honestly couldn’t believe what you were hearing.

“I have called for emergency transportation to a hybrid hospital called, JM Hybrid Hospital. I’ve referred you to one of the doctors over there and I promise that he will be in good hands.”

Numbly, you nodded to what she said until, “Wait, what? I’m not going with him?”

Dr Park looked up from your kitty, “Would you like to go with him?”

You nodded vigorously. “Please, if I am allowed. Please.”

“It is most definitely allowed, Ms L/N. But forgive my concern, there have not been many owners whose pets were hybrid and when they found out, they wanted nothing to do with them.”

Oh.

“No, no. I would never! Hybrid or pet, they’re still beings.”

She nodded. Paramedics barged into the room and took your kitty into their arms, bringing him away from you.

“Wait.” One of the paramedics stopped. “She’ll go with you. I’ll send Dr. Park the stats in a while.”

He nodded. “Come on, let’s go.”

You followed them down to the ER section and into an ambulance.

The whole ride there was sated in awkward silence, the paramedics doing their best to keep your kitty stable and conscious while you just sat there, staring at his limp body. You felt so useless and so, so bad.

If only I found it earlier. If only…

“He will be fine, the hospital is only about ten minutes away from here. He’s symptoms are not that bad yet, he should be treatable.”

All you could do then was nod.

When you finally pulled up to the ER of JM Hybrid Hospital, it felt like an hour’s drive. The paramedics quickly rushed out and you followed closely, nurses navigating them to empty rooms.

“How serious is it?” One nurse asked, checking your kitty’s blood pressure and body temperature.

A doctor came out, tag reading -

“Please, I didn’t know. Can he be cured? Can you do something?” You latched on to his coat.

The doctor looked at you sympathetically. “Of course.” He nodded. “From the notes that the clinic has sent me, he is not yet in an extremely critical condition. Curable, but it will be a tough road.”

The doctors scanned you from head to toe. “I take it you are his owner?” You numbly nodded, wanting the question to stop and the treatments to start.

“Right, I will need you to help me fill in these forms.” He handed you a whole set of documents and a pen while simultaneously pushing you out of the room.

“Wait -”

“You can’t be in there when the doctors are doing their work, Ma’am.” A nurse held you back. “Dr. Park needs these documents in. Could you finish and pass them over?”

You looked at the nurse and then back a set of work in your arms. You found an empty seat and sat down, starting to complete the information inside. You never really knew his real name so you put ‘Kitty’ in the box. You never knew paperwork was suddenly so hard to complete.

“Erm,” You called out to the receptionist. “I don’t really know anything so most of it is empty.” You scratched the back of your neck, embarrassed.

The reception lady - Nurse Ling Hui, it read - nodded her head. “All’s good. Though I have some information for you. From the blood test that went through over at the previous clinic, your hybrid is a black-market registered hybrid. He is one of the hybrids that came up on the recent news.”

“What do you mean?”

Ling Hui slowed down, “It means that he will be under the close watch of police officers to ensure his safety as he is a wanted hybrid in the black market and it is not a good thing. People selling hybrids there are known to be ruthless in what they do.”

You slumped down. Ling Hui walked around the desk and placed a hand on your shoulder. “By the way, his name is Yoongi. Min Yoongi. He is a 29-year-old hybrid, mixed breed.” She held out a folder. “Here are some reports in the system that we can collate. Would you like to take a look?”

Just as you were about to take it from her hands, your head whipped at the heart-wrenching scream that came from your kitty - Yoongi’s - room. You made a move to run over when Ling Hui held you back, shaking her head. “Let the doctors do what they need to. With you in there will only make things more difficult.”

You took a deep breath and took the folder from her hands, sitting on a chair that faces the room. The screams went on for a minute or two and then stopped, a minute or two and stopped. Just when it hit the 15-minute mark, you couldn’t take it anymore and dashed right in.

A guard held you back as you fought to be let through. Yoongi’s screams hit every one of your bones as you fought harder and harder. “Let me through! Please!” You yelled, tears streaming down your face. “Stop, stop. Don’t hurt him!”

The doctors came out, seeing your distressed state saying, “Let her in, we’re taking a break for now anyways. Continue going and he might actually pass out for real.”

The guards let go of you and you immediately rushed into a sight you never want to see again.

Yoongi was exhausted - so, so exhausted. He didn’t want to shift. If he shifted, he would definitely be sold off again. Subconsciously, he could feel the spasming of his muscles and shift of bones, fighting against the doses that the doctors had induced him with.

God, he was so tired.

He closed his eyes, hoping for the pain to subside when he felt the gentlest kisses between his ears. He knew exactly who those kisses belonged to and he let out a pained meow - from the pain but also because he felt his fur getting wet.

Why were you crying?

It hurts his heart more than holding back shifts to know that you were crying. Yoongi lifted his head as much as he could, being strapped to the table.

“I’m so sorry.” You sniffled, head in between his ears and tears flowing down his fur, “I’m so sorry I didn’t know.”

Why were you sorry?

Yoongi tilted his head up, licking off the tears that were cascading down your cheeks, hoping that the action would bring a smile to your face like it did the first time he did so. And he was right. But it was not the bright eyes and teasing smile. This time, it was pained. You moved away from him as his tongue chased your cheeks, still trying to wipe off the tears.

Where were you going? Hey, please come back… Please - Oh -

You had unbuckled the straps that had confined him onto the table and his limbs twitched slightly, hissing at the pain they gave him. You had made your way back to where his head lay, stroking his matted fur with gentle hands. If you keep going, he was really going to fall asleep. He was already this close- this close - to purring.

“Come on, kitty.” He was sure you already knew his name though - “Come on. I know you don’t want to shift but please? I don't know why and I don't ever want to understand why because that is your experience. I could never phantom even 30% of it. But you’re getting really, really sick and,” You sobbed. “And I still need you. How am I going to go home to an empty house now?”

Yoongi was really sleepy and really tempted but -

“Please, please, please. Kitty - Yoongi - please?”

Hearing his name on your lips, god he had wished for this day but not in this way -

Oh, perhaps he could make an exception.

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timextoxhajima · 6 months ago

Text

Sonder: Part I

Parts: I II III IV V

member: enhypen heeseung! x oc! woo ki yeom [3rd person pov]

genre: coming of age, slice of life, angst, romance

w/c: 5k

warnings: topics on religion, distressed relationships, mental health (I want to leave an a/n here that I grew up with my maternal family being Buddhists so what I've written is based off what I researched online and the way her family practised Buddhism. I'm personally a free-tinker and this narrative is not in any way meant to offend nor support any particular religion.)

synopsis: after being kicked out of her home, Woo Ki Yeom is forced to live life on her own. struggling to find herself in the midst of her chaotic life, she meets lee heeseung, who, like her, can't give any more fucks to life than she does.

"n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own."

That word. That keeps coming out on Instagram pages and TikTok videos.

It's a strange feeling to know that everybody else in here was living their own lives. Maybe they were going through a breakup, or someone in their family had just passed away. Perhaps their pet ran from home or a trip just got cancelled because their travel buddy fell sick.

It's fascinating at first - but you get bored by it after some time. And even if you didn't, Woo Ki Yeom did.

It's not like it was difficult to figure out how to vacuum your room or do your own hair. Nor was it difficult to figure out how this washing machine operated, though Ki Yeom must admit that it took her a couple of minutes to get it down. But now, all she does is give it a good smack to the side when it doesn't start up.

"wo gen ni jiang (I'm telling you), one day you're going to smack it until it's spoilt!" The owner of the laundromat nags from the payment counter. He's a man in his 50s - Ki Yeom likes to think Mr Hsien is an alternate-dimension version of Eve from the film, Everything, Everywhere, All At Once. He clearly hates this life, and the only time Ki Yeom has seen his wife was when he was sick and couldn't run the place himself.

Mrs Hsien is just about ten times sweeter than he is - which Ki Yeom recalls - she didn't respond that well to.

She must think Ki Yeom is an asshole.

Then again, Ki Yeom knows for a fact that she is one.

"Then you'll finally come around to your senses and get it changed. I just found a coin from the 1930s the other day in my load."

"Do you know change washing machine how expensive?" Mr Hsien rambles on, looking through his glasses that were so far down his nose bridge, Ki Yeom thinks it might just slide right off. In his hands were dollar bills. "shi yi ge yue de qian (It's a month's worth of money)! From everybody that comes here."

She doesn't bother responding - no need to, unless she wants to start a debate.

"All day gloomy," Mr Hsien mumbles under his breath. She dumps herself in the row of chairs right out the door as he aligns the dollar bills and goes to unlock the door. "My wife say gloomy not good. tai duo yin (too much yin)."

His voice is slightly muffled, since his entire body is hidden behind the counter as he hides his money. After a few moments, his hand comes to grip the edge of the counter as he pulls himself up to stand, then he takes a deep breath and sighs as if it took him a bountiful amount of energy to get up. But he looks outwards at Ki Yeom and wiggles a finger at her.

"Are you listening to me?" He shakes his head, processing Ki Yeom just looking down at her phone.

Yes.

"You know, Chinese people always think young people who don't respond are very rude. If you were my daughter, wo yi jing hui ma si ni ah (I would've already scolded you to death)."

He grumbles as he pushes himself out the little door by his counter and waddles for the storage door.

"You shout for me if anything weird happen outside. I'm going to da bian (poop)."

Ki Yeom connects the bluetooth headphones to her phone and adjusts it over her head as the door swings shut.

It was a quiet Wednesday night.

Ki Yeom liked to do her laundry in the middle of the week because there aren't many people around, and she didn't have to wait for strangers to come clear the washing machines before she could use them. She didn't have to talk to strangers - which came as a surprise to her when she first moved here. She never understood why people would just randomly strike up conversations.

What was the point of knowing so much about someone's life when you're probably never going to see this person again?

But it's ironic that Ki Yeom has found comfort in a familiar place, enough to fall asleep. Even if Mr Hsien were to walk right out that storage door and finds her nodding off in her awkward sitting upright position, she knew he wouldn't wake her up. She knows, because it's not the first time she's passed out from a day's work.

Sometimes, Ki Yeom gets her inspiration from her dreams. One would be surprised how much she dreamt - because that meant that she could wake up feeling like she never slept. At some point, Ki Yeom was convinced that she was part of a cult by blood, because strange symbols, shapes, and creatures kept appearing in her dreams. She would draw them out and then go to the library to find anything on them, but to no avail.

Sometimes she blames this on her family.

But this 'gift' does her well at work, especially when the clientele of the tattoo parlour she works at are avid fans of the rare and uncommon.

Because of the number of clients who have grown fond of her artistry, she's been requested more than the average tattoo artist at the parlour she works at. Ki Yeom had been advised not to bite off more than she can chew, but it's not like she has any financial help or alot of money in the first place, so why not?

At least, not after she was kicked out of her own home.

In her busiest week, she spent four nights sleeping in the parlour, and had licorice and coffee for breakfast, a chicken salad for lunch and instant noodles for dinner on one of those days. And that wasn't even the worst meal combination she's had.

Some of her colleagues are kind - the ones who leave her blankets and buy her coffee and bread in the morning when they clock in. Others? Not so much.

"Too young." "Inexperienced." "Greedy." "Hard-up."

She's heard those too many times to feel a thing. It's also because she knows they're true. But it's not her fault she's greedy.

What's wrong with it?

Greed usually comes hand-in-hand with desperation, even if it weren't for a good cause. Greed comes with knowing how it feels when you lack something. Ki Yeom's greed stems from her lack of money, and is that her fault?

No.

She finally jerks awake from her evening nap when a loud thud manages to get past her headphones. Blurry vision still taking some time to clear, she's able to make out Mr Hsien frantically grabbing a rag and cleaning off the counter top. Tea was dripping off the edge.

Just by the movement of his mouth, she can tell he's rambling off about being such a clumsy old man.

She sits up and stretches her neck, feeling the ache when she pulls it the opposite way she was dosing off in. A slight frown, and then in the corner of her eye, she notices someone had taken a seat on the other end of the five-seater row of seats.

It was someone probably her age, maybe younger. But she returns her attention to Mr Hsien finishing the rest of his tea and walking round the counter, grabbing some dry tissues to clean up the remaining on the floor.

Then she catches the stranger glancing in her direction, as if wanting to say something - and then she realises that her music isn't playing.

She fumbles her lap for her phone, then finds it on the floor right under the seat. The stranger seems to sit with ease now that she's picked it up. She almost finds it embarrassing when she tries to reconnect her bluetooth, but is interrupted by the washing machine she was using finally beeping to indicate that it was done.

Ki Yeom clears her throat and gets up to the washing machine, yanking the worn-out door open. Gathering the damp clothes in her arms she tosses it into a dryer. She instinctively feels around her pockets to find the token she had paid in exchange for it, but her mood is slightly ruined when she can't find it.

Mr Hsien is no longer in the counter, so she assumes he had gone to the back, berating himself for being clumsy, so she looks around the floor. Perhaps she might find a stray one sitting somewhere.

She returns to the dryer, defeated. No, actually, she's too tired to be annoyed. Sliding the headphones off her head, Ki Yeom sighs to herself and rolls her eyes.

But a soft 'tick' rings quickly across the surface of the dryer, and she looks up to see the stranger turning his back on her. The token sits on the white-turned-grey surface of the dryer next to the one she was throwing her mental tantrum at.

Ki Yeom builds up the care to speak.

"It's fine but I'll just wait for him to come back out."

He sits anyway, leaning back coyly and looking at her with a lack of expression. "I'm trying to collect karma points, so don't take it personally. Maybe another day if we see each other."

As if I'm going to see you another day.

But Ki Yeom is not someone who rejects something when she needs it.

"Thanks," The word is almost reluctant to come out. Without hesitation, she chucks it into the coin slit of the dryer and it tumbles down into a bed of tokens. She hunches over the dryer and jabs the buttons - sometimes they don't work very well either.

Ki Yeom hadn't always been like this. In fact, she was one of those kids who could plug in her earpieces over dinner and watch her favourite shows and her parents wouldn't say anything about it, because she knew to take them out when the food came.

Sometimes, her parents would join in on the fun of watching whatever show it was she was watching.

But what truly set her family apart from the average family was that her parents were devoted Buddhists. Karma, Liberation, Meditation... Honestly, Ki Yeom never understood what it truly meant until she hit her teenage years, and even then, her understanding of it didn't last very long.

It was a unique, and an admittable forceful, way of which Ki Yeom fell out with her family. As individuals who believed so much in karma, they had the tradition of donating large sums of money to the temple they frequented. They went vegetarian, prayed, kept a kind heart to whomever it was they met - and then her father was left jobless when the company he was working for got involved in an embezzling scandal.

Ki Yeom, at the age of sixteen, had witnessed her father go from the proud family man he was, to someone who stayed in bed all day, afraid to go out, in fear that he would have to open his empty wallet.

The anxiety became crippling and her father had developed depression upon the rippling news that he couldn't be accepted into other jobs because of his niche and limited experience and that he was too old.

At sixteen, when you've spent most of your life trying to understand and believe the ways of which your family has led their lives by, you'd be confused. Why was this happening? Have we not done enough?

What was once a home filled with laughter, comfort and encouragement, turned into a home that scrimped and saved every penny - even spending some nights without any electricity and relying purely on candles.

There was a gradual build-up of resentment on Ki Yeom's heart.

She had gone three years living off the meagre five dollars a day - and when you're in school with friends who find going to Starbucks and getting bubble tea an enjoyable past time, it's difficult. Even if they were understanding and chose not to go to either of those options, it was inevitable that Ki Yeom felt like it was her fault they couldn't go.

Just where in the world did all that money go? All the good karma points they were trying to accumulate? What happened to my God?

Ki Yeom had just graduated from pre-u. She wonders how she even managed to graduate, in the midst of all that falling apart at home, when it happened.

She had reached home after a day's work at the restaurant. As a waitress, she's grown numb to all the ridiculous comments and issues that customers bring up to her, if she were even paying attention.

So, all Ki Yeom wished was for a quiet dinner, a quiet evening and a quiet night to herself. She could crawl in bed and hug her pillows and scroll on her phone until she passed out, and then her day would start from scratch again.

But upon reaching home, she's not given enough time to respond - Especially when the things in her room seemed to be in the midst of removal. By strangers.

"What's going on?"

Her mother follows them out of the room as the movers trudge past her - and out of the house. "Ki, I'm sorry, we'll have to make do-"

"With... what? The floor?"

"You know how hard it's been, we just had to do this for the extra cash."

"How long is this 'cash' going to last us?" Ki Yeom puts her tote down, pushing past her mother and looking into the room. What used to be a cozy room with a bed, a desk, a standing lamp and even a beanbag was now a mattress, a makeshift table and a table lamp.

Ki Yeom turns around, at a complete loss of words. "You literally sold my room."

The elder stands, facing the door because she cannot face her daughter.

Ki Yeom gulps, feeling this intense heat coming up from within her. It feels like she's about to cry, but also wants to vomit and scream at the same time. "How much is selling my room going to make?"

"Ki-"

"How. Much?"

A pause. There's some knocking and rustling outside as they wrap the furniture in bubble wrap. Someone yells at someone else to hand her the money.

"Enough for a couple of weeks."

Ki Yeom sighs heavily, not knowing she was even holding her breath. Then, she coughs and almost hyperventilates. A scoff. Then, a strangled growl, like she was about to throw herself out the window, and the tears start to clog her eyesight.

She watches as her mother receives the thin stack of fifty dollar bills, and the man doesn't give them one last look before leaving.

There's a painful silence in the house when Ki Yeom squats. And when her feet become numb, she drops to the floor with her back hitting the wall.

"I'm sorry, Ki," Her mother turns and sniffles, shoving the fifty dollar bills into her backpocket. She squats, trying to look at Ki Yeom. But her daughter's head is hung low, for she has taken her final sanctuary.

"I don't understand... how this was an option. I'm working. And aren't you and dad trying to find jobs? Aren't you working?"

"I know... and we are... we just... we have nothing."

"What about grandpa? Hasn't he offered to help? At this stage... you want me to believe he hasn't offered any type of help?"

Her mother goes quiet, only taking a deep breath and sitting on her rear as well.

"What? What does that mean?" Ki Yeom frowns, tears finally dribbling down her cheeks as she struggles to understand. "Is he so heartless... that he cannot give us some to get by until something... better comes along?"

"Ki, we've been like this for years..."

"Which makes me wonder why he hasn't helped?"

Silence.

Ki Yeom frowns. "Does he even know?"

Her mother looks up at her through disheveled hair.

"How could he not know?"

"Ki, he knows. We just... you know the rules we live by."

Ki Yeom audibly gasps and chokes in horror. Her stomach drops in disbelief. "Rules? We are sleeping on the floor, our lights are candles and the table lamps are on the floor... we eat instant food two out of three meals and you're telling me... that out of filial piety... you did not accept his help?!"

Silence.

There's an eerie quietness in the home. Of course, atop the screaming in Ki Yeom's head and the traffic outside her home. Her vision is blurring from the tears, but she looks around her dark home, once brightly lit, and her vision ends on the orange-red glow eminating from the altar right next to the front door of her house. It's wide open, so the wind coming through was making the little flames on the candles flicker.

It's been untouched, only routinely cleaned and the oils thrown and replaced. Ki Yeom clenches her jaw, trying for a moment to resist the urge.

But to everyone's devastating shock and surprice, Ki Yeom harshly swipes her entire arm across the reachable counter top, spilling the cups of oil holding the candles and the incense sticks out of their packets.

Her mother quite literally screams and rushes over, yanking her away from the mess.

Smack!

The ringing is sharp in Ki Yeom's right ear as she processses the sting on her cheek, jaw and head. In the corner of her eye, she can see her mother is more surprised than she was. But this surprise is quickly replaced with anger and intense disapproval, so much to the point that her mother pushes past her and squats to pick up the items.

Ki Yeom's heart shatters.

She gulps, thinking if she should help. But her mother shoves her off, as if scared to be touched by her.

"Mom."

The clatter on the floor is gentle and quiet, and her mother is careful not to touch any of the shattered glass. Ki Yeom grimly squats by her and reaches for it, but rejection shoves her backwards on her rear when her mother pushes her away. She loses her balance and falls backwards, hands on the floor and her tears dribbling down her cheek.

Her mother's face is like rock - expressionless, tired. Helpless. Speechless.

Ki Yeom's face was starting to burn up.

"Mom-"

"Get out," She stops her cleaning and stares at the floor.

Honk.

"What?"

"You want so badly to do things your own way... and cannot agree with what we believe in... so pack your things and get out."

She resumes her cleaning up, taking the smaller, shattered pieces and placing them on the altar. While Ki Yeom remains on the floor, her mother squats, picks up whatever her hands can carry, and returns them to the altar. Again, and again.

"Mom, I- Please. How can you live like this?!"

The weight in Ki Yeom's knees start to shake her thighs when she kneels, dragging herself to her mother's feet. She hangs her head low, vision blurry and her head in a whirl. "We prayed to a God for years... my entire life... and we believed in everything we studied... Why were we not returned with the karma we always thought we've been collecting? Why did we pray and pray and yet nothing came along to help?"

Ki Yeom looks up, hair in her mouth and in her eyes as she manages to make out her mother placing the shattered cups back into position.

"Do not speak of Him that way," She whispers under her breath, opening a drawer and pulling out a lighter for the incense sticks. "He is always watching us... and He will help when the time is right."

Ki Yeom finally breaks apart in her own demeanour, sobbing and releasing her mother's clothes.

How can she choose a God, a deity... over her own daughter?

Her mother bows thrice, and sticks the incense stick in the incense pot. "I didn't sell your luggage. You can use that."

Ki Yeom looks up from the floor again, in disbelief those exact words came out of her mouth.

"I expect you gone by tomorrow morning," She turns and walks away, but stops and turns around for a second. "Nobody in my house will disrespect Him."

Ki Yeom had completely blocked out whatever her client was talking about - something to do with work. Her colleagues. Ki Yeom couldn't give any more fucks.

But she sits up to stretch her neck and back and notices in the reflection in one of the mirrors in her workspace a familiar back and a bald head.

She finishes up quickly, not bothering to acknowledge anything that her client has said. "Jun Yeol, can you help me tape her? I- yeah."

Instantly, the pink-haired boy turns around to look out the window. "Go. I got it from here."

"Chargeable list is on my desk. Thanks."

The bell on the door rings as she pushes her way out. She sucks in a deep breath, thinking of what to say again when their eyes finally meet. But out comes a rude and unnecessary: "What are you doing here? I told you not to look for me here."

For a moment, she feels bad. But her grandfather's retort is a reminder that she inherited her attitude from someone.

"I go wherever I want to!" He struggles to get up from the chair they've placed outside the tattoo shop for when there was a queue.

"Sit down!" Ki Yeom rushes over and pushes him back down by his shoulders, making sure to take a seat next to him so he didn't need to stand up again.

"I figured out how to make your mum's soup. The melon wolfberry one."

Ki Yeom looks down as he hands her the cotton bag that perfectly fits a thermal flask.

"You don't like cooking."

"I don't. It gets everywhere and there's a ton of pots and bowls and spoons to wash."

He shoves it into her lap, and huffs while wiping the sweat off his forehead.

"Let me call you a cab."

"Cabs are expensive, don't you dare."

"I'd rather have someone send you home safe than have you pass out on the way back."

"And if I'm destined to die today, I will pass out anyway, won't I?"

The harshness and brutality of his words summon a glare from her. She wants to berate him for being so careless with his thoughts - afterall, she did grow up around the theory of manifestation of karma. And she knows for a fact her grumpy old grandfather might not have that much good karma left.

"Are you earning enough? For yourself? For your rent?"

She sighs and hugs the thermal flask to her stomach. The doorbell rings and her client walks out, turning to say thanks and goodbye.

"I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

"Is it safe? Where you're staying?"

"We've been through this. There's a security guard on the first floor and you can't go up without a keycard."

"People out there nowadays are terrifying, have you seen? All these gadgets and hidden cameras!"

"I know, I know, but the estate is safe. Don't worry about me," Ki Yeom rubs her eye. Both of them go quiet for a minute. She's listening to the grumble of the asphalt as the cars go by, and she knows her grandfather is thinking about the other questions he had prepared before coming out to meet her.

"If you're wondering whether they've reached out... they haven't. And I'm not planning on doing it first."

"I didn't ask you to, and I know you wouldn't."

They go silent once more, but the silence is broken by the bell hanging on the front door of the tattoo parlour.

"Ki, a client called and said she's on the way but she's early for an appointment."

She looks down at her phone for the time. "Yeah, she's supposed come in at 4pm."

"Aight, call me if you need anything," Soo Min smiles at the elderly man, who seems awkward when he tries to return the acknowledgement. The bell rings again when she returns back into the parlour.

"Thanks," Ki Yeom waits for her to go back in before she smiles to herself. "You can just say 'hi'. She's a nice person."

"Her short hair scares me abit. Reminds me of the gangsters and hooligans that run around on the street and in back alleys back in my time," He pauses, realising Ki Yeom's disapproving looks. He clears his throat. "Do the people here treat you well? The last time you told me some of them aren't fond of you."

"Well, it's still the same. It's not like I'm going to try and change their minds about me. I earn my share and they earn theirs."

Grandfather nods and hums in acknowledgement. "You know... sometimes I think you're meant to come out and live your life on your own. I believe you were made for the streets - in a good way - and that you learn and meet so many new people outside of a comfort zone. It's something that the rich and wealthy don't get to have."

There's a gentle gush of wind that rushes through the corridor. The rows of shop along this road were in their not-so-busy afternoon period, but Ki Yeom could still make out that barista who got her order wrong a couple of days ago cleaning up the table along the corridor. And that hair stylist who supposedly cut someone's hair too short and almost got sued.

"Right," She responds first. "But I wasn't given a choice. Would've loved to have one."

Ki Yeom turns back to look at her grandfather. His wrinkles have gotten deeper, longer. She knows he won't be around much longer to be the parent that she lost. Unlocking her phone, she opens the taxi cab.

"Oi!"

Since her 4pm client had come early and Ki Yeom had gotten the job done early, she'd decided that she no longer had the mental capacity to stay anymore - besides, she works on appointment-only basis now anyway.

So amidst all the skanky, judgy looks she gets from the other tattoo artists who don't get as many requests as she does, she bids Jun Yeol and Soo Min goodbye. The evening sun greets her as the evening crowd begins to fill the surrounding cafes, coffee shops and other places that people go to.

She walks by the coffee cafe, and catches the eye of that barista who fucked up her order. She waves.

The barista, of course.

But Ki Yeom feels obligated to at least offer a smile, so she does, and proceeds on her way.

Finally in the comfort of her home, she drops her bag and opens her fridge, eyeing the half-eaten packet of frozen dumplings, miso paste and frozen udon. Ever since she's moved out, she had the freedom to test out whatever stupid recipes TikTok and Instagram had to offer that required three ingredients.

Well, provided she had the equipment - which was a pot, a pan, a mini rice cooker and an air-fryer that the tattoo parlour wanted to get rid of. Honestly, she hasn't used it because she's been afraid it would explode if she did, but it just seemed like a waste if she let them throw it away.

She prepares the miso soup while waiting for the dumplings and udon to defrost first - then the unusual happens.

Knock knock.

Ki Yeom frowns to herself, and mentally checks through all the bills and finances she has to settle. Rent? Not due in another three weeks. Credit card? Haven't touched it. Delivery? Haven't ordered anything.

Knock knock knock.

She turns the stove off and goes for the door, looking through the peephole.

It's the kid from the laundromat.

Perhaps he came to even out the debt.

Ki Yeom opens the door.

"Oh," He seems surprised. "It's you."

"If you're here for the token, I don't have any extra to return. I can pay you a couple of cents or a dollar for it if you're insistent."

"Uh," Gently shaking his head, he simply lifts a hand, and in it, there was an envelope. "This came in my mail. I think they wrote the address wrongly."

She looks at the envelope, and sees her name but with the unit 07-33 instead of hers, 07-38.

"I figured eight just seemed the most similar to three, so. Are you... Woo Ki Yeom?"

"Yeah, thanks," She blinks and reaches out for it.

"Mail's not that common nowadays," He nods towards the envelope. "They don't have your number or email?"

There's an attempt to chuckle, or make a joke. But Ki Yeom doesn't bother responding, only tearing it open and pulling the letter out.

"Yeah, they don't have my number or my email."

The boy clears his throat out of awkwardness. "Oh."

Ki Yeom straightens out the letter right infront of him. As much as she wants to forget that her parents ever existed, she knows she can't. She's been trying - which is why she changed her emails, her phone number, and didn't provide their names to the building's management for "allowed visitors".

Futile efforts - that's what they were. She might be able to change the way she thought but her heart can't forget. Her father used to tell her that the heart always knows what's right, but what he didn't tell her was how to deal with it when she doesn't want to.

Dear Ki,

I'm writing to share that I've gotten a job.

Instantly, she folds the letter back up and shoves it back in the envelope. Her blood boils.

Why did it matter if her father got a job now? It doesn't change what her mother said to her or what happened. It doesn't change-

"Um. You... alright?"

Ki Yeom looks up, remembering that this stranger was still infront of her. Vision blur, she clears her throat and shoves the letter back in his hands.

"It's not mine."

He looks down at the shredded envelope and haphazardly-returned letter. Her eyes are red, so he's not dumb enough to believe it's not hers.

"Are... you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure," Ki Yeom closes her eyes and rubs them over her lids. "Sorry, I was just busy making dinner. I have to go."

"Right," He clutches the envelope to his side and nods subtly.

With pursed lips, she looks at him one more time for acknowledgement. He's quiet, and careful, as he takes a step back and turns to leave. Ki Yeom gently swings the door shut, feeling her nose sour all over again.

Sucking in a deep breath, she looks over in her mini kitchen and stares at the slightly-cooled soup sittin on the stove. Then her eyes travel over to where she had dumped her bag, and remembers the thermal flask.

She walks over to it and picks it up, opening it and carefully sipping the warm soup.

PART II

#heeseung scenarios #heeseung imagines #heeseung angst #enhypen angst #enhypen scenarios #enhypen imagines #heeseung #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #what do people even tag nowadays #enhypen fluff #heeseung fluff

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svt-sunnie · 8 months ago

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8:41 PM | SUNNIE

taglist !! @seolboba @allthings-fandoms

date : march 7, 2024

a/n : yujun going through it… sorry I disappeared for so long 🤕 (also kinda short chapter but 🤷)

pairing : jun x sunnie (mentioned hao)

warnings : angst, they both cry, dating rumors

summary - the aftermath of this article

To say that Yuming was unaffected by the backlash she gets would be a lie. She honestly couldn't even count the number of times she used to cry to one of her members after another interviewer was being disrespectful or after reading a hateful comment. Over the years, she felt like she grew more confident in herself and within SEVENTEEN, especially with releasing her solo music, doing acting roles, and even just actively talking more during group schedules.

Now Yuming’s wondering if good things really don’t last forever as she scrolls through the array of articles and comments calling for her removal from the group.

“This can’t be serious..” She mutters, shaking her head. She knows it's unhealthy to consume this much negativity about herself, but usually Junhui or Minghao are there to talk her out of looking at hate about herself. Now looking around the empty dorm, she wishes either of the two could be there.

As much as Yuming and Junhui don't try to hide their relationship from fans, they both know how awful a dating rumor could be for both of their careers. Yuming sighs as she opens her text messages full of worried texts from the members. She feels terrible that she's been ignoring them all but can't find it in herself to respond to them.

Just as Yuming was about to turn her phone off and try to pretend nothing was happening, her messaging app buzzed with a new text.

New Text From: junnie 💕

can we talk?

To say Yuming was nervous would be the understatement of the year — she was completely terrified to answer Junhui. Her boyfriend was nowhere to be found the entire 13 hours of one of the worst dating rumors they’d been in. She even asked Minghao who was in China with Junhui, and he had no clue where Jun was.

Before she got the chance to even think about responding, her phone rang with an incoming call from Junhui. She lets it ring a few times before she decides to accept the call and puts it on speaker.

“Junhui I’m—”

“Did you see the articles? Are you okay?” Junhui interrupted.

“Hui, what do we do?” Yuming whispered, tearing up.

She absolutely hated crying, but she couldn't help the tears running down her face, “I ruined everything, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”

“Baobei are you crying? Ming you didn't ruin anything. It's okay, please don't cry.” He quickly consoled.

“We have to tell everyone, don't we?” She said, trembling. “It's become too big to ignore now, hasn't it? Pledis even told me we have to deal with it one way or another..”

Junhui went silent for so long that Yuming almost thought he hung up.

“Hui, revealing our relationship could genuinely destroy our careers. It's not like we ever tried to hide it fully, but fans' theories don't even come close to an actual confirmation.” She sniffled.

“You know I'll always be by your side, right, Sun?” He said, and Yuming could swear she heard his voice shaking. “No matter what happens, we’ll get through this together, I promise.”

And Yuming can’t help but find herself believing him. No matter what happens, everything was going to be okay, right?

#sunnie.writings #kpop oc #seventeen 14th member #kpop added member #14th member of seventeen #kpop addition #fictional kpop oc #seventeen female member #fictional idol addition #seventeen oc

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svndowning · 9 months ago

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the moment millie walked through the door of their shared apartment, hui’s face dropped and a look of concern could be seen in his eyes. the distance was closed between them rather quickly as he delicately cupped her face and began to look her over, his jaw clenching. this wasn’t the first time she had come home like this and it only filled him with a sense of unease. he forced himself to drop his hands back down to his sides at her words, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t continue to assess her from a distance. “no big deal? are you kidding me?” he scoffed, shaking his head at her dismissive attitude. “whether or not the other guy is worse off, you shouldn’t be coming home like this to begin with. what if one day you don’t even make it home to me?” his voice cracked as he took a few steps backward, slowly sinking into one of the chairs at the bar in his kitchen. he felt dizzy and unable to stand on his legs from the mere thought of something worse happening to her. “how can you expect me to eat right now, millie? you can’t just bribe me into forgetting about this all. we need to talk about this all.”

open to: any gender~ ↳ plot & info: millie had gotten into an altercation before stopping by to see your muse and is doing her best to be dismissive millie, 24, mechanic/gang member

quickly waving off the others concerns as she enters their home dropping a bag of take out on to their counter. millie can feel them examining her trying to poke and prod. "enough. sheesh." she sighs shaking her head. "it's really no big deal - your blowing this out of proportion." though the other arguably was not even if she insisted they were. "i'm fine really -you should have seen the guy." she smirked. "stop fussing - i pick up your favorite now eat." this was a small act of her showing she cared about the other - never being the best at vocalizing that kind of stuff.

#mccnxhild #thread. jiang zhaohui.#thread. millie and hui.#the angst of it all #🥲

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zielsvlucht · 15 days ago

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November

Mijn eigen huis. Een plek onder de zon. Het klinkt heel mooi. Het is heel mooi. Ik kan van veel geluk spreken. Maar momenteel spreek ik van angst. Ik ben nerveus. Ik lees door lange contracten, geschreven in een cryptische taal. Opzettelijk zo geschreven. Een complot tegen gewone mensen zoals wij. Ik hoop dat ik het allemaal correct begrepen heb. Er is geen tweede opinie. Er is niemand naast me die meeleest. Dit is niet ons huis. Er is geen ons. Het is voor mij. Voor mij alleen.

Toen ik me als kind dit scenario inbeelde, dacht ik niet dat het makkelijker zou zijn. Maar ik dacht wel dat ik niet alleen zou zijn. Ik dacht dat ik samen met iemand ons huis zou kopen, in plaats van dat ik alleen mijn huis zou kopen. Dat knaagt aan me. 's nachts denk ik aan weinig andere dingen. Enkel dit en de kou. Ik lig onder veel dekens en trek alle kussens naar me toe, maar het blijft koud. Het valt me te binnen dat het misschien de eenzaamheid zelf is, die de kou maakt.

Ik heb me laten vangen, door die blinde vlek. Ik probeer altijd vooruit te plannen. Maar om één of andere reden blijf ik toch plannen maken, waarin ik niet alleen ben. Hoewel ik dat in de praktijk wel ben, en altijd al was. Het is de grote fout in al mijn plannen. Een asterisk die ik had moeten zien staan in de contracten van mijn leven.

Soms denk ik dat ik al mijn plannen zou moeten laten vallen. En een nieuw plan maken; die eenzaamheid aanvechten, en op niets anders nog focussen. Maar er komt altijd wel iets tussen. Bovendien zijn mijn plannen voor de liefde gebrekkig. Ze zijn niet zo goed als mijn andere plannen. Ik ben er te radeloos voor en ik zet het uiteindelijk nooit op de eerste plaats. Zo star, zo koppig dat ik ben. Ik krijg er altijd een afkeer van en geef vroeg op.

Ik probeerde overlaatst iets te schrijven voor een online dating profiel. In theorie, want ik heb nog nooit zo'n app durven installeren. Ik ben het ook niet van plan. Nog niet. Ik probeer gewoon een deel van mezelf het zwijgen op te leggen. Dat deel van mezelf dat maar blijft klagen. Dat ik opzettelijk mezelf laat vereenzamen zonder reden. "Goed," zeg ik dan tegen mezelf. "Laten we dan eens even een bio schrijven als gedachtenexperiment. Eens zien hoe dat gaat."

Dan begin ik te typen en te typen. Al snel schrijf ik veel te veel. Paragrafen. Veel te open. Veel te kwetsbaar. Ik vertelde mijn broer er over. Hij zei: "Waar zijt ge mee bezig?! Het is maar een dating app bio. Maak er gewoon een mopje van. Iets origineel waarmee je jezelf toont. Dat kan je toch?"

Daar sta ik dan. Kijk daar! Een schrijver! Een échte schrijver! 118 duizend woorden is zijn huidige manuscript. Maar een bio voor een dating app? Onmogelijk. Wat elke aap kan schrijven, kan meneer de schrijver niet. Wat een nietsnut.

Ik kan het niet. En nog erger; ik wil het niet. Mijn ego is gekrenkt. Ik begin meteen te mokken. "Kort? Een mopje? Iets origineel?" Wat ik ook schrijf, het komt terecht in een zee van losers. En dan word ik beoordeeld door nog een zee van losers van het vrouwelijke variant. Hoe gaan zij weten dat mijn gevatte bio origineel is? En dat het niet ergens van een sociale media feed gerukt is zoals de rest dat doet op dating apps? En wat maakt het hen uit? Ze kijken naar mijn foto. En aan die foto kunnen ze niet zien dat ik me in een onophoudelijke existentiele crisis bevind. Ze kunnen niets zien. Ze zien niet wat er goed is aan mij, of wat er slecht is aan mij. Als ze met mij afspreken, dan willen ze afspreken met de man in die foto. Om dan teleurgesteld te zijn wanneer de mooie jongen, lelijke dingen begint te zeggen.

Teleurgesteld zijn wanneer ik afkaats op elke kleine uitspraak die ze maken, omdat ik elke opmerking zo onnodig moet overanalyseren als een maniak. Teleurgesteld zijn wanneer ze geen normaal gesprek met mij kunnen hebben. Teleurgesteld zijn wanneer ik niet ben wie ze verwachten. Of wanneer zij niet zijn wie ik verwacht. Ik wou dat ik mezelf kon uitdrukken in een mooie foto. Ik wou dat mensen aan mij konden zien wat voor iemand ik was. Maar dat gaat niet. Als we foto's konden trekken van de mensen die we binnenin waren, dan zag geen enkele mens er nog aantrekkelijk uit op tinder. Ik toch zeker niet.

Hoe komt het ook dat mensen zichzelf oppervlakkiger moeten maken om elkaar aan te trekken? Is het niet juist de verrassende diepgang die we in elkaar vinden, die ons doet fantaseren over elkaar? Als we verlangen naar elkaar, verlangen we dan niet naar de eindeloze gesprekken die nergens heen gaan?

Mijn broer heeft sowieso gelijk. Iedereen heeft gelijk, behalve ik. Ik ratel maar door. Al dat ik moet doen, is verdomme eens een knoop doorhakken. Stop met te doen alsof je een dating app gaat installeren, of alsof je gaat speed daten. En doe het nu toch gewoon. Maar ik werk me altijd al vast in de aanloop. Het is gewoon niet hoe ik het mij voorstelde. Ik wil - zoals elke domme tiener - dat iemand mij ontdekt zoals ik ben. En dan van me houdt zoals ik ben. Ik wil me niet moeten verstoppen in een trojaans paard van makkelijk te slikken nep-affectie. Mopjes en quotes die ik van instagram kopieer in de hoop dat de vrouwen deze nog niet op hun eigen feed gezien hebben, want meer moeite is liefde niet waard. Zodat mijn partner na een relatie van twee jaar kan beseffen dat ik niet de persoon ben die ze over me heen projecteerde. Veel gedoe voor niets. Dat wil ik niet.

Ik schrijf elke dag. Ik schrijf lelijke dingen. Dingen die niet ver zouden geraken op instagram. Soms gruwelijke dingen. Vaak banaal gezaag zoals dit. Maar het is ten minste echt. En dat is wat ik wil: Een echte, diepe connectie met een andere ziel. Ik wil niet iemands volgende dopamine hit zijn. Ik wil geen sociale media post zijn die voorbij scrollt in iemands leven. Ik hoef geen like. Je kan al je vuile likes thuishouden. Ik wil geen mooie jongen zijn in een lange lijst van mooie jongens op de GSM van een meisje. Een van vele smoelen waar ze even naar kijkt tussen de soep en de patatten en dan nooit meer aan denkt.

Is echte liefde dan niet makkelijk genoeg? Niet handig genoeg? Niet lui genoeg ? Moet ik besteld worden op bol punt com en aan huis geleverd worden, met zo min mogelijk zever? Moeten vrouwen mij zo min mogelijk leren kennen? Zo min mogelijk stappen tussen mijn gezicht zien op een schermpje en mij in hun bed leggen. Altijd makkelijk om een refund te krijgen. En moet ik dan blij zijn? Zelfs dankbaar zijn? Dat iemand me nog wilt?

Wat een zever. In zo'n wereld wilt niemand me echt. In zo'n wereld maken we elkaar wijs dat we verliefd zijn. Ik denk dan dat iemand mij wilt, omdat een app me een melding stuurde. Want ergens op aarde zag een vrouw mijn domme smoel voorbij scrollen in een waterval van domme smoelen en ze dacht "kon erger". Maar ze zou me nooit aanspreken als ze me ergens ontmoette in de onhandige chaos van het echte leven. Wilt ze me dan wel? Welke richting je ook swipet, het is evenveel commitment.

"Hij stuurt mij wel." Dat denkt ze vast. Gewoon omdat je swipet wilt niet zeggen dat je daarna tegen hem moet praten. Geen commitment nodig. Want dat is de taak van mannen en als een man dom genoeg is om niet te sturen, dan hebben de vrouwen toch al hun handen vol met de andere matches. Het is moeilijk om in die mentaliteit te kruipen, als man. Vrouwen krijgen honderden eikels die hen lastig vallen op eender welk digitaal platform dat de mens ooit heeft uitgevonden. Bij ons mannen, zijn dat allemaal bots. Bij hen niet. Een vrouw van mijn generatie krijgt waarschijnlijk al seksuele opmerkingen haar richting uitgeslingerd sinds ze 13 jaar was, op haar NeoPets account of wat dan ook. Zo iemand is niet op zoek naar nog meer aandacht. Als één van haar matches wijselijk beslist om haar niet lastig te vallen zonder reden dan is dat geen verlies. Het zal waarschijnlijk niet eens opvallen. En dat kan ik geen enkele vrouw kwalijk nemen. Zij worden het ook beu en ik zou niet in hun schoenen willen staan. Nee, ik word zot van er nog maar aan te denken.

Ik verwijder het tekstje voor mijn nep dating app bio. Einde van dat gedachtenexperiment. Ik stop met de contracten te lezen en ik laat de notaris weten dat het wel in orde zal zijn. Ik koop een huis. Mijn eigen huis. Een plek onder de zon, maar ik weet ook; vaak een plek in de nacht. Een groot gebouw met lege kamers. Vol stille hoeken waarin niemand me kan zien huilen. Waar in de vroege avond de schaduwen heersen en ik na de werkdag alleen rondslof door de schemer. Als een vampier die leeft van microgolfmaaltijden. Ik weet niet wat ik moet doen wanneer ik ziek wordt. Ik weet niet wat ik moet doen wanneer ik me gevangen voel tussen de muren. Ik weet niet hoe ik ooit nog een andere ziel zal leren kennen, vanuit mijn nieuwe grot. Ik zal altijd de enigste vampier blijven, als ik niet durf om een andere vampier te verwelkomen in mijn huis.

Maar dan schrijf ik dit ding, en lees ik het. En eindelijk besef ik dan hoe weinig dankbaarheid er in mijn klaagzang zit. Ik heb een huis nu. Mijn eigen huis! (Een plek onder de zon!) Iets dat de meeste mensen van mijn leeftijd nog niet kunnen hebben. Het feit dat ik alleen ben, maakt het mirakel nog groter. En ik ben niet echt alleen. Terwijl ik zit weg te draaien in mijn gedachten over het eeuwenoude vraagstuk van hoe ik ooit aan een lief zal geraken, rolt mijn broer met zijn ogen. Alles dat ik tegen hem zeg vindt hij absurd, want hij gelooft in mij. Hij verzekert me dat het wel gaat lukken wanneer ik zit te piekeren over het geld. Hij volgt mijn pessimistische "Het is best dat ik nooit kinderen heb" op met een optimistische "Waarom niet? Zou ge peter willen zijn?". Mijn zus rijdt me naar waar ik moet zijn met haar wagen. Onderweg praten we over de schrijfkunst en lego. Mijn ouders zijn twee satelieten die ik niet van me los kan slaan. Ze hebben zo veel geld bijeengeschraapt om deze droom waar te maken, dat ik me er voor schaam. En dat met maar minimale manipulatie van mijn kant. Mijn vrienden geven me meubels, gratis en voor niets. We duwen stuntelig een kruiwagen met een zetel op door het dorp, en lachen tot we plat vallen (in de zetel). Tegen mijn pessimistische verwachtingen in gaat mijn baas akkoord met een vier vijfde contract. Mijn collega's luisteren respectvol naar mijn geratel, zolang het over software gaat. En tussen alle stress door, schrijf ik verder. De tweede versie van mijn boek is bijna af. Mijn test lezers zijn positief.

's nachts blijft het kou. Maar ik besef dat ik niet alleen ben. Nooit alleen ben. Nooit alleen was. De koude is niet de eenzaamheid. Het is gewoon november.

#schrijfsel #schrijven #nederlands #gedachten #schrijversvantumblr #liefde #schrijver #huis #november #vlaams #dating #dankbaarheid

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