#huge language rant feel free to skip

[theveil-and-thepath]

Hi.

Idk if you are taking asks. If you aren't then feel free to ignore this.

The thing is, I started my Master's course and I suck at everything. Literally everything. Except maybe English as a language.

It's very frustrating. And I don't know if I will be able to do anything. Or build a career. Or earn. Lol.

I'm sorry about the rant. Things have been new and strange and incompetence is not something that I am used to.

@ Anyone who sees this post and has some advice: please rb and add to it, share your experience with the feeling of incompetence in academia. (long reply ahead 2000+ words, the last 4 paragraphs are the reading)

Feedback for this reading

Hi, dear! In undergrad, while other students were struggling to keep their head above water, you were swimming and trying to be the fastest; now, for the first time, you’re afraid you’re going to drown. I’m going to reply with some advice from myself first (tarot below the cut, you can skip and go there) and have in mind that you just started your master’s.

Well, this feeling can come back many times before you earn this degree, so it’s good to learn how to deal with it early on. The first thing is: look for the mental health department of your university and use all of the services they provide. Do it before you freak out. If, during your master’s, you feel you’re just too anxious and can’t deal with it, even with therapy, don’t be hesitant to seek medication. It can be natural things or allopathic medication, together with trying to have the healthiest life you can. Don't hesitate to ask for medication (for real), it can make a huge difference, it can be the difference between lying on the sofa unable to get up for class and being able to at least do the dishes or open your dissertation or being able to open and read your emails. The second thing: make colleagues and ask people more senior than you about professors and supervisors. Don’t go for the super star supervisor who’s in fact an ass**** and will humiliate you or belittle you. It’s rare, but some departments are the home of some really arrogant people who won’t help you at all, so be aware of who these people are, learn the department gossip if you can. The third thing: ask for help. You may feel dumb and less knowledgble than the first year undergrad who just learned a new method or read an author, but if you didn’t and you don’t know what they are talking about, ask for help. Ask for a book to read, google as if you knew nothing, write down and google the concept you didn’t know, ask for how to spell a name (i felt so embarrassed that i barely did that), go around and find out even if this is checking basic maths again. Your undergrad materials are your friends. Go back to your past self because I’m sure they wrote some helpful things in these notebooks. If your master’s is in a different area than your undergrad, go check undergrad textbooks about what you need to learn. In fact, check undergrad textbooks to write your dissertation and make sure you got the basic correct if you want.

Now for the real deal. Not everyone is as smart as they seem. Knowing the right reference, having read the material beforehand, being skilled in speech and writing, all help for someone to seem like the smartest person in the room. You don’t have to be the smartest one in the room. You have to be the one who’s learning the most and making the best use of the input you get and you must be able to do a decent dissertation and graduate. Ultimately, it’s your dissertation and your specific field of study that will get you into a PhD and academic career, if you don’t want an academic career then you should worry even less about any of that stuff, if at all. The day you go teach something you’ll prepare for it, you’ll prepare a class, you won’t know everything. You need to be able to learn and teach in an organised manner, but you won’t know the details beforehand unless you’re teaching your own specific field of study. Students will ask smart questions to which you don’t have the answers, and that improvisation that you once did during an exam with open ended questions you’ll have to do in front of the classroom, and you’ll say what you know, acknowledge what you don’t and come back next week with an answer. Furthermore, not all questions have answers. By now you know that an “answer” can be a long digression of many possible scenarios and approaches from different authors. If you’re in stem, then you’ll do a similar thing, but one thing is common: you need to cover the basics. Now, you may not need to pay attention to every class you’re taking because they may not be useful for your dissertation, but try your best to grasp the basics and learn what you can. You will get used to the classes and learn what you can. Feeling dumb at first (or even in the end if I’m honest) is a sign you found your growth zone. You don’t need to fill it all and be like other people, but expand your knowledge as much as you can without damaging your health. It’s hard because it’s a moment when you feel everyone will point at you and say “oh, but weren’t you a smart ass? ofc you know this! you were the best, if you didn’t learn that then it’s a problem of your university. don’t they teach you this and that? how come you don’t know so and so? how did you get in?oh, don’t worry, you're smart, you’ll learn that with time, just keep working hard.” In a way, it feels like your pride is hurt and the foundation of your being is being destroyed. But you rise up from the ashes, that’s the challenge.

One point I want to make here is that sometimes impostor syndrome has a "real basis". It can happen that when you seek therapy they’ll treat you for this and make you see your potential and skill. But one thing people have failed in my life was recognize that I can be correct when assessing my own limitations and this is not me being a victim of impostor syndrome. Sometimes, you’re EXCELLENT, a GENIUS on your own, but it may still not be enough for what you want to accomplish and you may, in that situation, win as a person and win on the long run, but be defeated in the short run. There’s always a moment of genuine distress when you actually don’t know the thing, you actually don’t think you can do it, or you believe, you study, you manifest, you do your best and it’s not enough. I won’t tell you: work hard and believe in yourself, manifest and it will happen. I won’t fool you, because both of us know that you can do everything right and “fail” nonetheless. Sometimes, you don’t get the funding and you’re just as smart as the one who got it, sometimes you fail even when you do your best. However, sometimes you don’t! If you do nothing you get nothing, if you try your best you’ll get something. You’re into the program already, now you’ll do your best to expand your knowledge and overcome the personal challenge of dealing with growth and challenges and your own weaker spots. This can be painful af, so well I advise you to be close to people who love and support you, even if you don’t believe when they say “the top university will hire you asap” because you know the requirement in terms of publications, you know your limitations, you know you’re not as smart as you look like. BUT YOU’RE SMART AND YOU NEED TO BELIEVE IN THIS, YOU CAN OVERCOME YOUR CHALLENGES AND BE PROUD OF IT, YOU ARE CAPABLE OF DOING YOUR BEST.

There may be a moment in which you may question your very own skill of reading and writing (and spreaking), if you can make two words come together at all! The moment you’ll doubt if you know “english as a language”. Well, what you know will have to serve you and you’ll work your way around that somehow. It’s different for everyone. But one thing I’m sure of is you should have as much support as you can get, from family, friends, therapy, sports, religion, fiction, anything. Because on top of feeling incompetent, sometimes people come and challenge our things, you can feel bad because of the critics during a conference, feel awful at the comments from reviwers, there will be moments when this feeling of incompetence is pushed to the limit. This happens if you don’t go for academic career as well, your boss and colleagues, critics and challenges overall (+ some people have no tact and are rude). So the key now is to learn how to deal with this new feeling of incompetence. You are not incompetent, and you wouldn’t be even if you hadn’t got into that master’s!!!

Will you get a career? Will you earn? Will you get tenure? Will you get into a PhD program just as good as your master’s? Will you ever publish at such and such journal? Will your work ever be recognized? Will you want to go through a PhD after struggling with a masters? Honestly, I don’t know, but very likely you will. These will change after every new book you read, every new topic you learn, every new assignment you do, every presentation, every group assignment, after meeting new people, after going to places, after trying and learning, after being rejected by all reviewers, after failing and getting up again. The more you work, the better your chances, and if you don’t get the spot you dream of, I can say we never know where life is leading us, what people we’re meant to meet, what we can experience. The smart person you are still exists and will never die, you’ll learn how to swim in this new sea, and if you don’t like the water there are plenty of water bodies out there to try. I know this is not the most reassuring message, but there’s never the guarantee of success as you see it. And you need to respect your body and your mind, the time you take to breathe because if you hold your breath for too long you won’t be able to swim and die anyway, even if you didn’t drown. You may get messages like there will be struggles but you’ll get it in the end, but remember that sometimes new routes await you and the knowledge you have will serve you perfectly well.

Now, after I vented myself, I’ll ask tarot: how can you overcome this struggle with this feeling of incompetence?

Your best asset, your challenge, the best approach: three of pentacles, the high priestess, strength.

It seems very fitting, your best asset is working and seeking help from people you know. In a master’s it can be the afternoon you spend preparing with a friend for an exam, you turning on the “learning mode” and reading a book with an open heart without the feeling of incompetence get into the learning, it’s open your mind for new knowledge, it’s have 4 books open on the table, 6 pdfs, one document you’re writing and write two sentences a day, it’s solving part of the equation and stopping to have coffee and feel stuck looking for a way out without panicking. I’m sure there was at least one academic challenge you overcame in undergrad, remember that, summon up that learning and fighting mode because it’s what you have to work around your current challenges. Regardless of the results, you can try to get to that mode again.

Your challenge here is the high priestess. She’s smart, she speaks only when requested, she knows mysteries, she picks her battles. You need to be at peace with yourself alone, master introspection in a way you let emotions flow but don’t let them get the best of you. For me it’s also that moment of deep thought when you stare at a paragraph or an equation, when you look at your code that is not running properly, the spread sheet that has a mistake, and you have to try to stay calm and muster all the knowledge or ask for inspiration on how to crack the mystery, how to get out. This is a specific moment in the learning process, especially important if you need to find a new approach for your dissertation. This is your challenge, learn how to deal with this moment or even get to this moment (when we’re feeling incompetent it’s nearly impossible to even work to the point where you stop and thnk without dispair). Make sure your mental health is in check for this, anxiety won’t help here and this is a serious matter. Learn smart too. If it was a mention of an author or method who made you feel extra dumb, but said author is not very important to you, don’t bother. Go work on what you need to pass and what will help your dissertation and your own particular field. Learn new things obviously, but work as smart as you can because nobody has time to know it all.

The best approach is the strength card. Perseverance. Extra cliché for my liking but true nonetheless. It also speaks about finding balance between mind and heart, your brain taming your emotions, taming your negative thoughts and direct that impulse and strength to what is worth it: learning what you can, one step at a time, and do it smart and pick only what’s most helpful to you. Tame yourself, check your health, practice a sport, go to therapy, read books, keep yourself alive and feeling confident enough to advance. You can’t tame a lion, ever, but you can try to be his friend and let him work with you. Do this with your emotions and it can lead you far in life.

That was it for the reading. I’m sorry if my personal vent was unrequested, but I feel strongly about this topic. I wish you all of the best in this world, that you can feel divine guidance when your life seems lost and find the strength you have within yourself. You need to believe when your friends say good things about you, because you’re much stronger than you think, and life will only make you stronger, dear.

[rainhadaenerys]

Analysis of the Game of Thrones Soundtrack: House Targaryen

This an analysis of the music of House Targaryen by Jordi Maquiavello. I really love his videos, I think his analyses are brilliant, but unfortunately, a lot of people don't know them because they're in Spanish. So I decided to try to translate this video, one of my favorites, in which he talks about the music of House Targaryen, mostly about Dany's themes. By the way, before I start, I must warn that I don't actually speak Spanish. But I'm a Portuguese speaker and the two languages are very similar, so I think I could understand most of what was being said. If I commit any huge mistake, feel free to warn me. Also, I might skip some parts of the video like jokes or other parts I didn't think were essential, but I tried to keep the translation mostly faithful to what was being said. Anyway, let's start.

Before we start, the Game of Thrones Soundtrack can be found in the public articles of Wikipedia (HERE).

Season 1

House Targaryen has themes related to three characters: Daenerys and Viserys Targaryen, and Jorah Mormont. The first theme we hear in the show is Viserys' theme, "A Golden Crown". Later we will see why Viserys has his own theme and what's the meaning for Dany's character development. What we hear is a harp as the main instrument, and the theme contains several rests (pauses). It's a theme with a mysterious sonority, and finally, a group of violins joins when Daenerys enters the bathtub. It's a very different theme from the intense ones we will later see with Daenerys.

(Link to A Golden Crown)

(Link to the bathtub scene)

In the next scene, we see the first appearance of the Dothraki. Their theme will also influence a lot Dany's theme in the future. The theme is called To Vaes Dothrak, and starts with a duduk. It's an Armenian wind instrument, and it's the main instrument of the Dothraki theme. This duduk is accompanied by drums that play in the rhythm of a horse ride, obviously because a huge symbol of the Dothraki people is the horse:

(Link to the theme To Vaes Dothrak)

(Link to the scene where Dany meets Khal Drogo)

Again, when Viserys whispers in Dany's ears, Viserys' theme plays again, this time with a distant violin. And in this scene, Dany and Drogo's romantic theme, Love in the Eyes, plays for the first time. But the theme plays in an accelerated rhythm, because in this scene, the theme is from Drogo's perspective [I didn't understand everything Jordi said here, but that's the gist of it]. The drums sound progressively, until Drogo and his bloodriders ride away.

(Link to the theme Love in the eyes)

In Dany and Drogo's wedding, Drogo gives her a white mare, and we hear the theme (Love in the Eyes) because Daenerys is grateful for the gesture, but we hear it distant because she still sees Drogo as a brute barbarian and she doesn't like him very much.

It's important to talk now about the musical theme of the fucking dragon eggs, which are chords in a metal wind instrument (brass instrument) that appears every time the dragon eggs appear. It's the "Finale theme", theme of the birth of the dragons, but played softly here in the beginning. (This sound appears in this scene the moment the dragon eggs are shown)

During the rape scene, the theme that starts playing is Love in the eyes, but the scene ends with the theme playing in a minor tonality, because obviously, Daenerys isn't happy.

(Link to the wedding scene)

The next episode starts with the dragon eggs. Again, the fucking eeeeeeh sound. Here, the composition is very interesting, because we hear very distant chords very, played with a duduk of what will be the final composition, because, for the first theme, we are told directly about the dragons, instead of just showing the damned eggs.

When Doreah teaches Dany how to please Drogo (he starts a small rant of why he hates Dany x Drogo), "Love in the Eyes" plays, to prepare us for the next scene. (Jordi then remarks on how incredible Dany's evolution is, when Dany is here timid even though Doreah is her slave, and later she will be confident with Daario). During Drogo and Dany's sex scene, Love in the Eyes plays, but it sounds perfectly melodic now, because they are finally both in love with each other (he then starts to rant against Jonerys haters that say Jonerys was rushed even though Dany goes from being raped by Drogo to being in love in an episode and a half).

(Link to the dragon eggs scene, Doreah teaching Dany, and Dany and Drogo sex scene)

Let's skip some scenes that don't go anywhere and start again our analysis in Viserys' death. When Viserys threatens Dany, we hear some chords that intensify to generate expectation, fear, unease. When Viserys believes he got what he wanted, the theme Golden Crown plays, because he believes he finally got what he wanted. But things get twisted, and we hear minor chords, and meanwhile we see Viserys beg for his life. It's pertinent to remark something very cool, that the theme doesn't change while the gold pours on Viserys, and the theme stops playing just as Viserys dies. Viserys' theme goes with him just as it came.

(Link to Viserys' death scene)

I'm going to skip the parts before Drogo's death, because they have nothing important, and won't influence the soundtrack in any important way. When Daenerys kills Drogo, the theme "When the sun rises in the west" plays. This theme starts with recycled chords from a previous scene, in which the Maegi tells Dany for the first time the famous phrase, "when the sun rises in the west and sets in the east, blah, blah, blah… I am a witch", and then Love in the Eyes stars to play, but there's something important in this composition, this theme lacks something: the drums. The duduk will even play the theme faster, the melody is modified because Drogo has died. The drums that evoked a horse's gallop no longer are here, and the theme is not sounding in a moderate tempo (tempo is the rhythm, how fast a music goes), but at an accelerated tempo. We could almost say it's Presto (a faster tempo), but I'd say it's an Allegro tempo.

(Link to "When the sun rises in the west")

(Link to the scene where Dany kills Drogo)

Let's talk about the scene of Drogo's pyre. The scene uses three themes. First place, the fucking metal wind instrument sound of the dragon eggs that drive me crazy (when we see the dragon eggs). In second place, Love in the Eyes plays for the first time associated with the love theme from Jorah's point of view, when Daenerys kisses his cheek. Here is the first time Dany shows affection to Jorah. Before this, we knew Jorah liked Dany, but this is the first time Jorah receives a show of affection on Dany's part. The theme Love in the eyes plays solemnly, with inverted chords.

In the continuation of the scene, the drums come back, because Daenerys has established her own leadership position over the remaining khalasar, combining with the theme of the dragon eggs. It's in this scene that the theme Love in the Eyes becomes Dany's theme permanently, dissociating the theme from Drogo. Love in the Eyes intensifies as Dany enters the fire and dies. (Basically, Dany has taken over Drogo's role, which is why the drums are not just for him, but for her)

(Link to the theme that plays in the scene, Fire and Blood)

(Link to the scene)

In the next scene, finally, we see the dragons, and the metal wind instrument sound that we we hearing since the fucking first episode. And when Dany starts to get up, this theme used for the dragons starts being played by strings, growing and growing with major chords, until the composition explodes and we wear the theme Finale (basically, the small dragon egg sound evolves into the theme Finale). He hear the strings section together with strong and clear vocals. The vocals will be very important in Daenerys' themes, because they symbolize all the people that follow her and are loyal to her, from here on. The metal wind instrument sounds converge in a composition combined with the Main Theme, with strings, drums and choir together.

(Link to Finale)

Season 2

During this season, the soundtrack almost doesn't evolve. It evolves only in the last episode in an important way. But during the entire season we will have two themes: Qarth, the theme used during the entire season, since we are in Qarth, and Pyat Pree, Pyat Pree's theme. The Qarth theme utilizes an oriental touch of Essos, also represented previously in the Dothraki theme, and later, in Yunkai and Meereen's themes. This preference for wind instruments and exotic scales, especially oriental ones, is due to the fact that Essos is completely different from Westeros. They are different cultures, have different customs, different armies, different economies, and different politics, like how in Essos slavery is legal and in Westeros it’s forbidden. Even Syrio Forel, in the first season, showed us the difference between the two continents in the fighting style. This is why the soundtrack of Westeros is completely different from the Essos one. The contrast between the compositions gives life to the series, making counterpoints between the different plots, Jon Snow’s plot in the North, the different plots in the South, and Daenerys’ plot in Essos. This contrast gives us the feeling of plausibility of the world and the show, and very different tones in the soundtrack, that we are able to associate unconsciously.

(Link to the Qarth theme. It uses a wind instrument and percussion in an exotic scale, in this case, an oriental scale.)

The second theme we see in this plot is Pyat Pree’s theme, the wizard that kills the Thirteen and kidnaps Dany’s dragons. His theme is a dark version of the Qarth theme, with a lot of percussion with a mystical and magical touch. It’s a perfect theme for this character, because he is the magical and mystical side of Qarth. And it’s dark because he’s an evil wizard with not very ethical intentions and methods to get to power, killing innocents and all the Dothraki khalasar that accompanied Daenerys, bringing Dany to the House of the Undying.

(Link to the theme Pyat Pree)

For weeks, I’ve been bombarded by people asking me to make an analysis of the House of the Undying scene, and sincerely, no. The best analysis channel of GOT has done it, and hundreds of channels in English and Spanish have analyzed this fucking scene. Gods! Enough! According to the soundtrack, what is the House of the Undying scene? Just one more scene of the show. Zero musical complexity. It’s Daenerys’ theme, Love in the Eyes, playing with vocals, and when she sees Drogo, it plays the version of the theme from when Dany killed him, When the Sun Rises in the West. And that’s it! Nothing more!

Now this scene is what’s interesting (referring to the scene when Dany finds her dragons chained). Pyat Pree chains Daenerys, and soon Daenerys will say the magic word. Is it the theme Dracarys that will sound? No! Dany’s dragons have evolved throughout all seasons together with Daenerys, so their soundtrack also evolves with her. The first theme of the dragons is Finale, that relates to the brief sound of metal wind instrument, because it evokes their roar and their minuscule size, it’s a birth and growing. But then, this is the first moment when we are shown that the dragons are very dangerous, which is why the theme that plays in this scene for the first time is Mother of Dragons, because the dragons have just demonstrated their power for the first time, and Daenerys has demonstrated her power too, since the dragons have obeyed her orders (Mother of Dragons is an evolution of that first sound used for the dragons). So while this is the second evolution of the dragons (like Pokemon), it’s important to emphasize that this version, Mother of Dragons, is a more accelerated version, with vocals, and with major chords of the theme Love in the Eyes, Dany’s theme.

(Link to the House of the Undying scene)

(Link to the theme Mother of Dragons)

It’s important to emphasize that every season finale of Daenerys, with the exception of season 5, is with her power growing. In the first season her dragons are born. In the second she recovers her dragons and becomes rich by sacking Xaro’s house. In the third season she has a legion of soldiers and people. In the fourth season she is queen of Meereen. In the sixth she has her army and navy ready. And in the seventh season she is fucking Aegon Targaryen. Yes, very powerful finales. But there is something to be explained.

Game of Thrones’s Main Theme has a meaning. And it’s this one: the fight for power, the ascension to the throne, and the fall.

Exactly. The second season ends with Mother of Dragons combined with the Main Theme because 1) Daenerys has demonstrated to have enough power over her dragons and 2) because her power has increased considerably, from a nomad with newly born dragons and on the verge of death, to a rich traveller with powerful dragons and a ship. They are huge differences. That's why the Main Theme of Game of Thrones intensifies, because her power has grown, just like in the first season, from a khaleesi with nothing to a Mother of Dragons.

(Link to Dany's last scene in season 2)

Season 3

During this season, Daenerys gains two new themes, and it’s probably the season in which her power grows the most. When she’s in Astapor, and we see the scenes with the Unsullied, we hear drums and distant vocals, because they are preparing us for what’s to come. We will associate these drums to the Unsullied’s army.

Like I have commented, when it comes to the soundtrack, Daenerys is a sponge. She absorbs musical themes that are utilized in other themes associated to her, like what happened with the melody Love in the Eyes, that is inspired by Dothraki themes, her several Targaryen themes, like the previous chords of the theme Mother of Dragons, which are inspired by an inversion of Viserys’ theme, etc, etc. When Daenerys obtains the Unsullied and executes her master power play, we hear for the first time this wonderful “drop” (when Drogon sets Kraznys on fire), that we will hear in each season. This sound is obtained with a cello and a double bass and a a tremulous effect. It’s a sound that evokes the roar of a dragon. In first instance, I associated the theme to the title of the theme itself, Dracarys, that is, the theme would play when a dragon would set something on fire after Dany says the word dracarys. This way, it would have a complete meaning. But it isn’t like that. The “drop” sounds twice without this happening. When Daenerys orders the catapults to fire in Meereen, and when she kills the Dothraki khals (in season 6). This… doesn’t make much sense. So… is this Dany’s theme when she’s a badass? Maybe, but then Ramin Djawadi puts the theme in the scene when Drogon kills the Sons of the Harpy in Daznak’s Pit. Daenerys doesn’t order anything, Drogon simply burns the Sons of the Harpy. So this is not the Daenerys badass theme. So what is it? It’s the Targaryen battle theme, both for Daenerys and for her dragons. It’s a drop that sounds before an imminent attack, besides being the theme of when Daenerys takes the Unsullied from Astapor.

Here we have to have something very clear. The theme Love in The Eyes is Daenerys main theme. This theme will sound in all of Dany’s themes. Well, since all of them are variations of this theme, Mother of Dragons is the theme of Dany’s dragons. Dracarys is the theme of the Unsullied first, and later the Targaryen battle theme (to make it clear, when I say Targaryen I include the Unsullied and the dragons, basically Dany’s army, including her).

Dracarys uses Mother of Dragons in a descending scale accompanied by ascending and descending chords.

(Link to the theme Dracarys)

(Link to Dany's scenes in Astapor)

After this wonderful episode, let’s go to the next, when we first see Grey Worm. In this very beautiful moment (when Dany asks the Unsullied to choose their names and Grey Worm says that he will choose Grey Worm, because it's the name he had the day Dany set him free), we hear very soft chords of the theme Mhysa, that will play when she takes Yunkai, giving us a hint of Dany’s position of mother (and a hint of the Mhysa theme that will come).

(Link to the scene)

In the Mhysa scene, the Mhysa theme plays for the first time, one of my favorite themes of the series. The choir starts with a children’s choir. When Daenerys is lifted up by the slaves, it intensifies, and a woman’s choir starts to sound. And when the theme breaks in its climax we hear a men’s choir. And in the credits, the three choirs unite. This refers to Mhysa’s own theme: Daenerys has united men, women and children that now follow her, and is a mother for them all. We leave aside the male choirs, because now, there are civilians following her, not just soldiers. It’s a wonderful composition, an interpretation of Love in the Eyes, combined with the Main Theme in a natural major scale with choir. One of the best Ramin Djawadi has composed in Game of Thrones.

(Link to the theme Mhysa)

(Link to theme Mhysa with lyrics - I've seen different versions and fan translations since we don't have an official lyrics and Ramin himself said that the song doesn't exactly mean anything, it's kinda gibberish, but that's the best I found from what the fans could make. But the translation could very likely be wrong)

(Link to the Mhysa scene)

Season 4

During this season, we have to have something very clear: it’s the season Daenerys takes Meereen, but at the end, things get twisted, and Daenerys takes, at least in my opinion, bad decisions: exiles Jorah and chains her dragons. And the soundtrack warns Daenerys of this. But let’s start from the beginning, Meereen’s theme:

(Link to the theme Meereen)

Remember the oriental and exotic touch we mentioned in the previous seasons? It’s the same. But this city has something special: it’s the older, biggest and most powerful of the previous cities. Which is why the theme has such large notes, it’s a grandiloquent theme compared to the previous ones. When Dany takes Meereen, and we see this magnificent shot of her looking over Meereen from the top of the pyramid (after she takes the city and crucifies the masters), we hear Mhysa, on the scale of Meereen’s theme, as the theme of Dany’s triumph.

(Link to the scene of Dany taking Meereen)

When Dany learns of Jorah’s treason and exiles him, we hear the love theme of Jorah to Dany, when he says he loves her. But when she finally decides to exile him, the theme starts to play with minor chords, and converts into a heartbreak theme, one of the saddest themes of the show.

(Link to the scene Dany exiles Jorah)

(Link to the theme Forgive Me)

And here, it’s where everything goes to shit (scene of Hazzea’s father). One of the last scenes of season 4. The composition that will analyze here is Breaker of Chains. The first part plays when the farmer comes with his deceased daughter to the throne room. What we hear is the theme of the dragons (Mother of Dragons) in a minor scale, with a melancholic touch. The scale continues with a small pause, and the theme restarts when Daenerys chains Viserion and Rhaegal in the catacombs of Meereen. We start again to hear an intensified theme with what seems to be a low trombone with the Main Theme. The entire composition is a negative theme, including making some leaps that the original composition doesn’t do in the same bar (measure), as well as indicating to us that something isn’t well. Like the song’s own title, Breaker of Chains, that reminds us that Daenerys, the breaker of Chains, is chaining her own children. It’s the Mother of Dragons theme in a descending scale with a trombone accompanying it.

(Link to the theme Breaker of Chains)

Season 5

In this season, we will have of one the most complex, brilliant, and better written of the show: Sons of the Harpy. I know this is an analysis of House Targaryen, but I couldn’t not talk about this song, because it’s a constant theme in this season, and its anatomy is brilliant. Remember the scene where the citizens of Meereen hiss at Daenerys when she executes Mossador? According to David J. Peterson, the language used in Slaver’s Bay is Low Valyrian, and specifically in Yunkai and Meereen, Ghiscari. Ghiscari, according to Peterson, is a very sibilant language, since most words have letters pronounced as “S”s. This is why in Mossador’s execution, Meereen’s citizens use this “ssss” sound, that reminds us of a serpent, and the great conflicts in the city start. The slave culture is directed by the mythical figure of the Old Ghiscari Empire, the Harpy. Therefore, the Harpy is the representation of the power of the slavers, their symbol. Which is why in every city of Slaver’s Bay we see in the show, we see the statue of the Harpy. When Daenerys finally takes Meereen, and casts down the Harpy statue from the pyramid, the slavers obviously don’t like it. They create a terrorist group, the Sons of the Harpy, and they have a theme. If we could use a word to define this theme, it’s claustrophobia. It’s a theme that seems like it’s going to trap you, won’t let you escape, an obsessive theme that stalks you. This is why it has chords so firm and loud, the tempo is so Presto (fast), it’s a complete declaration of intention. And this theme starts with a main idea.

It took me time, blood and sweat, but I was able to translate this song. There are no articles of Ghiscari or Valyrian about the word Harpy, or about the word utilized in the very theme, no phonetical coincidence. But in Old Ghiscari, this word does exist. Investigating possible translations, words in Ghiscari and Low Valyrian, what the theme says is the following:

Harpies! Harpies! Queen, we are the sons of the Harpy!

Queen, queen, queen, the harpy comes for you!

You you know what this theme is? It’s the theme Mhysa, but inverted, in a descending scale with minor chords, with the famous drums of the slavers sounding at all moments. The choirs are the most terrifying in the show, brutal. During the season, the idea basis of the theme is used in the scenes of this group, including the scene of Barristan’s death. But we hear these choirs so terrible, so claustrophobic, in the scene of the fighting pits, because nothing can or will escape them in that place. Now let’s analyze all the fighting pit scene.

During the entire battle scene, we hear the drums, until Jorah is about to die, and we hear minor chords of Meereen’s theme. From these chords, they grow, and play during the scene between Jorah and Meereen’s champion. Here, the drums stop sounding, because we no longer are seeing the scene from the perspective of the audience in the fighting pits, but from the perspective of the Queen of Meereen, Daenerys. When Jorah kills Meeren’s champion, the music stops, and we only hear the screams of the audience. We start the second act, where a Son of the Harpy tries to attack Daenerys and Jorah kills him. In the moment the mask of this terrorist group is revealed, the theme Sons of the Harpy starts to play, this time, for the first time in the show, with vocals. The theme grows as the members of this group are revealed, and explodes when Daario screams “protect your queen”. Daenerys takes Jorah’s hand, and the love theme of Jorah to Dany plays over the song, because the love Jorah feels for Dany has overcome the situation that is happening. The composition continues to play, and when they are surrounded, the theme of the Sons of the Harpy is renewed, until Drogon appears.

(Link to the theme Sons of the Harpy)

Third act. The silence is used to indicate to us that shit is going real, and suddenly Drogon returns. The theme Mother of Dragons sounds for the first time in the ominous way we know currently, because Drogon has come back to save his mother. Give me the drop (he says this referring to the Dracarys theme that sounds when Drogon attacks the Sons). After Dracarys, Mother of Dragons sounds again in a solemn way, and more paused when Daenerys tries to pet Drogon. The theme grows while Daenerys climbs onto Drogon’s back, we have one beat symbolizing Drogon's (I couldn't understand) and the theme explodes for the first time in the show, with no cuts, loud and clear.

(Link to theme Dance of Dragons)

(Link to the Daznak's Pit scene)

In the next episode we hear Mother of Dragons again, in the same way we hear in the scene when Daenerys pets Drogon. And after that, Daenerys goes to explore. Why not? Daenerys the Explorer. We hear again the theme that we didn’t hear in almost 5 seasons: To Vaes Dothrak (when the Dothraki appear and surround Dany), and that’s how Dany’s storyline in season 5 ends.

(Link to the scene)

Season 6

Just like the last season, season 6 starts with the theme To Vaes Dothrak. We will skip these first scenes because they bring nothing new, and go to the scene where Dany kills the khals. What we hear when Daenerys throws the fire on them is Dracarys, and the theme grows as the place burns. It’s when Dany gets out that we hear the theme Khaleesi, one of the most beautiful of the show. We hear drums to generate expectation, and Mother of Dragons plays followed by chords of Finale (the theme of the first season finale), because of the parallel between the scenes. Then we have chords of Love in the Eyes, and end with chords of the theme Mhysa, everything combined in the same theme, to show what Dany has achieved, unite one of the biggest khalasars in Dothraki history, and making them kneel before a woman. After Winds of Winter and Dragonstone, it’s the best theme of House Targaryen. It’s the theme of Dany’s reign over the Dothraki.

(Link to the scene where Dany burns the khals)

(Link to the theme Khaleesi)

The next song is brief, but very intense, because of the power of the scene. We see Drogon for the first time in a long time. Mother of Dragons sounds even more powerful than the time Drogon saved Dany, because he is much bigger, and Dany’s power is bigger as well. And it’s important to remark that as Dany’s power grows, the ominous nature of the theme grows. The theme pauses as Dany makes her speech, and in the moment she starts telling the Dothraki that they will be her bloodriders, Khaleesi starts to play, growing in intensity until Drogon roars.

(Link to the theme Blood of my Blood)

(Link to Dany's speech to the Dothraki)

Episode 9 of the season starts with the attack of Meereen by the slavers, and what plays is the Sons of the Harpy theme until we get to the dialogue between Dany and Tyrion (where the music stops). When Drogon gets to the negotiation scene, we hear the theme Reign, that starts with Mother of Dragons on a negative scale, with minor chords that sound apocalyptic, because wee see this scene from the perspective of the slavers, that are scared to death. While Daenerys flies over the ships and Viserion and Rhaegal free themselves, Mother of Dragons plays in its complete form, until Dracarys sounds when Daenerys says Dracarys. The scene ends with the theme Dracarys in its apogeu.

(Link to the scene)

(Link to the theme Reign)

Now let’s finally analyze Winds of Winter, a composition that ends the season. Many have analyzed and theorized that the theme is the union of the Greyjoys and the Targaryens, but there’s more to it. Why does the sequence start with this shot? The Greyjoy banner covering the sun? If we remember, the Greyjoys call themselves the storm that comes when the sun dies. This scene represents this symbolism, because suddenly, the Greyjoy flag no longer covers anything, because Yara’s Greyjoys are not Greyjoys. Her flag is blue, her clothes too, while Euron’s are black, as are the traditional Greyjoys. They look at the flag this way, because they have sworn allegiance to a queen, breaking with their previous customs, like rape and pillaging. This is why this scene is like this. And we see a contrast between Theon and Yara, with Theon serious and Yara smiling. It’s not a union theme, it’s a theme that symbolizes what the Greyjoys of Yara have become. Only the main chords of "What is dead may never die" play, without its main melody, because the protagonist of the scene is Daenerys. The theme continues with the Main Theme, symbolizing power, with the theme Dracarys as a countermelody. Until Drogon appears, and Mother of Dragons plays. When we see Daenerys, the choirs sound at the rhythm of the Dracarys melody, while the camera distances itself and the episode ends.

(Link to the theme The Winds of Winter)

(Link to the scene)

Season 7

The season starts with Daenerys arriving at Dragonstone, and it’s one of the best themes of the show in regards to soundtrack. The theme used in the scene is called Dragonstone, and it utilizes seven of Dany’s themes. As Dany approaches the beach, Dracarys plays combined with the Main Theme, as if it’s a combination of The Winds of Winter, adding bass to the melody Mother of Dragons at a low tone. As the dragons appear and fly over Dragonstone, Dance of Dragons plays, because the dragons have returned to their home. As Daenerys steps on shore, soft chords of Mother of Dragons play. As Daenerys touches the sand with her hands, Love in the Eyes, Dany’s theme, sounds, because Dany is finally home. As Dany sees Dragonstones gates, Dracarys plays combined with the Main Theme, because the dragons and Daenerys are reminded of their Targaryen legacy. As the gates open, Khaleesi and Mhysa play together, because Daenerys is walking to take her throne. As Daenerys starts to climb the stairs, Dance of Dragons plays again, because Daenerys and her dragons have entered Dragontone. As Dany takes down Stannis’ banner, soft chords from Breaker of Chains play. As Daenerys walks into the throne room, Mhysa and Love in the Eyes play together. As Daenerys walks into the chamber of the painted table, chords of Stannis’ theme play.

(Link to the theme Dragonstone)

(Link to the scene)

__________________________________________________________

The translation of this video ends here, but I decided to also translate bits of other videos in which he talks about the rest of Dany's themes in season 7 (with the exception of the theme Truth, because he has many videos talking about this and I want to focus this post on Dany).

Spoils of War episode

(Link to the video analysis of the episode)

I'll skip the Stark reunion, because there's nothing special in the soundtrack. So I'll start analyzing the dragonglass cave scene. The theme that plays in this scene is one that we haven't yet heard in the show (the theme Dragonglass), and it utilizes the Three Eyed Raven theme, of when Bran and his friends get to the cave beyond the wall. It's a theme that combines the themes of the children of the forest and the theme of Bran's dreams from the beginning of the show. The theme has two parts. The first one is when they see the dragonglass (the dragonglass theme combines the children of the forest's theme with new chords), and the second part is when Jon shows Daenerys the drawings of the children of the forest, where the composition of the first part continues, until the drawings of the white walkers are shown, and the theme White Walkers is used. The theme grows until Daenerys walks closer to Jon, when Jon and Daenerys' theme, Truth, starts to play. This time, it plays in another scale, but it's the theme from the previous episode. And if we pay attention, as the scale is changed, no longer we hear the chords of Jon and Ygritte's theme, we hear the theme of House Stark, when Jon says the North won't accept a Southern ruler. As Jon and Dany walk out of the cave, the theme grows, and four chords of Jon and Ygritte's theme play, so we have one more part of Truth.

(Link to the theme Dragonglass)

In the beach scene, chords of Love in the Eyes play distantly, but very low and almost unrecognizable, negative, because Daenerys is angry and doesn't know what to do. This theme plays until Jon gives her advice, at which moment Truth plays again, the version of the previous chapter in the same scale. We confirm what we say previously: in first place, the theme of Daenerys and Drogo plays, and then the theme of Jon and Ygritte plays, but for longer this time. Truth sounds twice in this episode, in the two scenes of Jon and Dany.

(Link to the cave scene and the beach scene)

Now let's analyze the battle. The song that plays in the battle is composed by several themes together. As I said in my analysis of the battle of Castle Black, battles are a pulse between the two opponents. And the soundtrack shows this. At first, we hear the Dothraki screams combined with a line of musical tension, one note with higher and higher tone with beats of timpani, which inspires tension and expectation. Until Drogon appears, and Mother of Dragons plays, the theme associated with Dany’s dragons. But we hear it slightly low, as if the it was lowered by a few tones. It’s the first time this theme plays with a negative connotation, because we see the battle at every moment from the perspective of the Lannisters, and at no moment from Dany’s perspective or the Dothraki’s perspective. That’s why the theme of Dany’s dragons sounds so low and negative.

After she sets them on fire, a theme with progressive beats plays, like the rhythm of horses riding. This theme corresponds to the Dothraki, who are executing a cavalry charge, and again, it plays with a negative tone, until the Dothraki stand over their horses and start to shoot, which is a new Dothraki theme, with a regular progression, on the rhythm of horses riding.

Once again, the dragons' theme starts to play, when Drogon burns the line of the lancers and the wagons. When Jaime orders the attack on Drogon, Mother of Dragons continues playing, but it combines with the Lannister war theme, Blackwater, which has several beats of timpani and combines with Rains of Castamere. The theme resumes when we see Bronn trying to get to the scorpion. When Bronn kills the bloodrider, the scorpion is revealed, and Cersei’s theme plays, Light of the Seven, in a very low tone. It plays because, as we’ve seen from the second episode of the season, the theme plays when the scorpion appears, because it’s a weapon created by Qyburn, and Qyburn is linked to Cersei in this theme. When wee see Drogon, Light of the Seven is combined with Mother of Dragons.

When Tyrion sees the Lannister army being destroyed, the theme that plays is Rains of Castamere, the theme of House Lannister, played in violin, just like House Stark’s theme, that is, in a sad and nostalgic way. Until Drogon appears again, and Mother of Dragons plays in a negative way again. At no moment it sounds with a positive connotation or with the original scale of the theme, because we are seeing this from Jaime’s perspective. Once again, we see Bronn, and Cersei’s theme plays again, and again it combines with Mother of Dragons.

When the scorpion hits Drogon, chords of Love in the Eyes plays, softly, combined with Mother of Dragons, this time, for the first time in the sequence, in its original scale, because we see it from Tyrion’s perspective, and Tyrion is worried about Daenerys. When Dany tries to take the spear from Drogon, Jaime rides towards her, and the Lannister battle theme that was playing, Blackwater, plays again, but with beats of Light of the Seven in the same scale, because what this theme meant was Jaime’s sacrifice for the Lannisters and for Cersei.

(Link to the theme Spoils of War Part 1)

(Link to the theme Spoils of Wart Part 2)

(Link to the battle scene)

Beyond the Wall Episode

(Link to the video analysis of the episode)

As I commented, in Spoils of War, Mother of Dragons is played in a negative way, because we see the battle from the perspective of the Lannisters. In the scene where Dany decides to go save Jon, we hear Mother of Dragons played in this same negative way, because we see the scene from Tyrion’s perspective, who doesn’t want Dany to go, he doesn’t agree with her action and worries about her.

(Link to the scene)

(He starts to analyze the battle, and I’ll skip this part because only Dany interests me).

When everything seems lost, My Watch has ended, Jon’s theme, plays. It’s a theme that only plays in very personal moments for Jon, like Jon abandoning the Watch, Jon’s death, and even in this episode, when Jorah lets him stay with Longclaw (for his children). But it also plays in moments where Jon is about to die, like the Battle of the Bastards. Which is why this theme plays in this moment, nostalgic and depressing, until Drogon arrives. Now it’s important to note that in this season, we saw Dany’s dragons more than any other season. And yet, in no moment does the soundtrack portrays them as positive when they are attacking, only in moments like when Dany arrives to Dragonstone, or when Jon pets Drogon. In Spoils of War, the dragons' theme sounds completely apocalyptic, it portrays the dragons as evil beasts, including in the episode when Drogon burns the Tarlys. And even in this episode, when Dany leaves Dragonstone to save Jon, it sounds negative. So in the scene when Dany arrives to save Jon, it’s the first time we hear Mother of Dragons played in a positive way, because it’s a rescue, and we see this from Jon’s perspective. Then, the theme of Jon and Daenerys starts to play in the scale of Mother of Dragons. It’s wonderful. It plays accelerated because of the urgency of getting away, and that’s the mistake that Jon makes, because the theme of the White Walkers starts to play, in the same scale that Cersei’s theme plays when Bronn hits Drogon, because the two scenes are parallels.

This is why I like Viserion’s death scene so much. When Drogon is hit by Qyburn’s scorpion, a dramatic music plays. When Robb Stark dies, a dramatic music plays. Here, there is no music, because we see the scene from Daenerys' perspective, and Daenerys has not screamed, has not cried, has said nothing. She simply looks at Viserion falling and dying without expression, because she is in shock. She can't believe one of her dragons has been killed, because until now, they were invincible. It's a scene of complete shock, because it's something completely unexpected. The theme Love in the Eyes plays, because Daenerys still doesn't believe it, and is freaking out inside. When Daenerys flies away and looks back to Jon, two chords of her theme with Jon play, but completely unrecognizable and very low, because Dany can't believe in absolutely anything of what just happened.

(Link to the theme that plays in the scene, Against All Odds)

(Link to the scene)

____________________

He starts talking about Benjen, and only about the Jonerys theme, and since I'm trying to focus this post on just Dany, I'll leave Jonerys for a later post. The Dragon and the Wolf is mostly Jonerys, so I won't translate that either.

About season 8, I also won't translate the videos, but I'll remark here on a few things Jordi said about Dany in each of them.

(Link to the analysis of Episode 8x01)

(Link to the analysis of Episode 8x03)

When Dany arrives in Winterfell, King's Arrival, the theme that played when Robert arrived in Winterfell, plays, but with a different harmony (that combines Dany's themes, like Dracarys).

(Link to the scene)

(Link to the theme Arrival at Winterfell)

In the Long Night episode, when Dany decides to abandon the plan and go save everyone with her dragons, and she and Jon start to burn the wights (which gives hope to the combatants on the ground), the theme used is the same used when Dany saves Jon in the Frozen Lake, Against All Odds. This is a theme that combines Mother of Dragons (Dany's theme with her dragons) and Truth (the Jonerys theme). As Jordi says, it's the "Jonerys flight theme", and it plays as Dany and Jon save and bring hope to everyone.

(Link to the scene)

By the end of the episode, when Dany sets fire to the Night King, another interesting thing happens: instead of Mother of Dragons (the theme of Dany's dragons), the theme that plays is Love in the Eyes, Dany's theme. This emphasizes how Dany is important, not just her dragons (my comment: it's Ramin's way of saying that this is about Dany's bravery and selflessness, not just her dragons, that Dany is not "nothing without her dragons", which I love).

(Link to the scene)

In Jorah's death scene, the Main Theme of Game of Thrones combines with the theme of heartbreak of Jorah and Dany.

(Link to the scene)

[the-lonelybarricade]

darling dearest, i am in need of some advice and you were the first person i thought to ask (your fanfics are so deep, you have unrivaled wisdom. also you are an adult, which is very useful right now)

so, acting means a lot to me. in fact, it means the world. one of my first coherent sentences as a baby was, "mommy, i want to be on tv," so of course i developed an interest in theater.

it's my first year of high school, and my first thespian convention, and it's 500 dollars. for some context here, my parents had their first kid in high school. my mom never graduated, my dad joined the army instead of going to college. and then they had four more. on top of that, my dad's retired so we're all around dirt fuckin poor hahah. in other words, no one in this family has 500 dollars to send me (except for my middle sister, but that really is too much to ask for).

except for me! i had the money! only, it's in my college fund (which is 660 right now, no one set up a college fund for me as a baby--i only started saving two years ago). like i said, we're dirt poor and no one has the money to put me through college. my sister is a lawyer and has been practicing for years, and is still 200,000 dollars in debt from student loans. i'm having to rely on being smart to apply for scholarships and grants, and if i'm really special, i can get into harvard for free. which is such a huge deal, and one i'm kind of counting on.

even if i don't go to college, i need the money for when i ditch my home state and live in the big city for my big shot at being a successful actress. i can't do this every year. i've already decided to drop cheerleading and adv math next year so i can get a job (i'm not allowed to get one until i can drive). but i don't know if 3yrs of work will even be enough if i want to do normal teenager things and still go to college. chances are, i'm not getting into harvard, much less for free. i'm not gifted like i was as a little girl, and i think the stress would be too much. my mom says she'd help but she's saving for her own house and already getting me my own car, and she doesn't have money either. i don't think i can ask her for that.

thank you for even bothering to read this, thank you times one thousand if you respond.

Goodness lovely, I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. This is such a big burden to carry and I know it must be really intimidating to think your future is restricted because of money. But take a deep breath, we're going to talk about some things, okay? I'm still new to being an adult myself, I'm in my final year of uni and money is hard.

So first let's talk about this $500 for your Thespian Convention. First, if this is a school event, a lot of schools do wave or reduce fees like this for families that can't afford it. They also may offer scholarships. I would look into seeing if that's possible, but otherwise let's talk about covering that cost from your college fund. I'm assuming from your language that you're American, which means that if you're earning the federal minimum wage (7.25/hr) it will take 60 hours of working to pay that off. That could take anywhere from 2 weeks to a month to work off if you're working part time, so you need to ask yourself if you feel like the thespian convention is worth a month of work that you could be putting towards your college fund. (Also, I know you said you can't get a job until you can drive, but maybe see if there's anything local you can do for extra money, like maybe tutoring or babysitting?). And if you can't go to this Thespian Convention, see if theres a less expensive alternative you can pursue.

Another important thing to consider is that, if acting is definitely what you want to do, you don't need to go to college to be a successful actor. Leonardo Dicaprio, Emma Stone, Ryan Gosling, there's plenty of major A-list actors that skipped college alltogether to pursue their careers. Here's a list. And if going to college is something you really, really want to do, you also don't have to go to college immediately after graduating high school.

This is something they didn't push a lot when I was in high school, and this would have been mind blowing for me when I was a freshman. In my high school going to college was like the expectation for families that could afford it. And they also offered great support for struggling families and first generation students. But I did something super unconventional for my town and I took a gap year. And that gap year changed my life. So my love, you don't need to worry about 3 years being enough time to do normal teenager things while working your butt off to pay for school. You can give yourself as many years as you need to get that money together, or to pursue your acting career or both. College is ready for you when you're ready for it. There's no set timeline. And I wish they told high schoolers that more often. I wish I was told that sooner.

But let's say that you really want to go to college and you really want to go as soon as you graduate high school. That's totally fine too! Let's talk about your options. Getting a full-ride scholarship is competitive and a lot of pressure to put on yourself. I say go for it! Go for as many as you can and apply for every scholarship available! But also give yourself the breathing space to think about other options. This is a list of no-loan colleges in the US. These are schools that will meet 100% of your financial need if you get accepted. Now the tricky thing is you still have to pay for your EFC (estimated family contribution) and sometimes your FAFSA (federal application for student aid) grossly overestimates how much your family can actually contribute. But it will definitlely eat a big chunk of that money away and there are still loan and scolarship options for that remaining sum. Also when applying for these schools a lot of them do offer an application fee waiver for families that can't afford it.

There are also loads of private scholarship available options from various companies. Talk to your high school counsellors, they *should* have great resources for finding this kind of stuff. I wish I could remember where I found all of my scholarship info, but it's been almost 5 years since I've done that research. I think maybe fastweb was something I found useful? And I also found this website and this website after a cursory google search just now. I'm sure you'll find good sources too! Freshman year is not too early to start applying to private scholarships. A lot of them are directed at seniors, but there are all kinds and sometimes they're just fun contests with small rewards, but it all adds up!f

You can also try killing two birds with one stone! See if there are any acting jobs available either in your local area or even just online! Maybe set up a fiverr and read scripts for people, or see if you can work as a counselor for a theater camp in the summer. My first job was as an acting job as a dancing penguin at a local summer festival when I was 14.

Okay and now I feel obligated to tell you something. You don't need to go to college in the US. This probably sounds outrageous as a freshman, it definitely would have to me. But I'm literally typing this from where I now live in the UK, after taking that gap year and realizing that american school is ridiculously expensive and way less cool than european schools? Do your research, there's lots of options available to you and the US is not your only one. I've saved loads of money going to school here and I'm happy as a clam. Here are some fun links.

Anyway my love, I know that was a lot of information and I'm sure none of it magically solved your problems or took that burden of your shoulders. But take a deep breath. Everything will happen in its own time and there will always be opportunities for you to pursue being an actor. There will also always be the option to decide to go to college at any point in your life. The biggest and most important thing is to just not give up. Focus on the here and now, focus on your grades, and the rest will follow. You got this, I know you do. And please, always feel free to come to me with any questions or even if you just need to rant in my inbox, I'm here <3

[kkemtal]

A Hopeless Romantic's Acknowledgement Letter To 'The Only Exception' (My Overthinking Rants #23094589)

June 3, 2021

The hectic and unpredictable errands at my demanding job has become my new norm. This is not anymore college that my teenage self yearns to visit the memory lane and relive my moments of youth. The days of chasing adrenaline rush whilst being thrown to outrageous social circles, extra-curricular activities and exams. But, what's common in both of these chapters of my life is that at the end of the day, I always think and wonder about you. Still, I couldn't find an answer to this somewhat insignificant phenomenon since 2018. It's not an obsession for I'm not anymore on that infatuation stage nor being harbored with flattery feelings on the thought of you that would distract me during my whole day of work and self-focus. Sure, I had those risque dreams and the innocent ones about you which we have adorably admitted it through our hilarious flirty lewd roleplaying conversations a few days ago.

Really getting emotional right now and couldn't express this out loud of how much I want and need you. Don't wanna be a disturbance nor come out kind of as needy of your attention while you're focusing on your abroad ambitions. Better be stuck in a daydream or on dreamland exhibiting how much I want to genuinely love again if given another shot by the Universe at the right time made. But, you as the subject to my simplest intimate actions - cooking for you, watching suggested films together, joining you with me in playing hardcore games as a tease, cuddling while engaging to deep talks. Wanna be the one protecting you like a blanket covering a baby as a matter of security in times where you will be all weary about the world being too much for you. Or being your listener as if I were your teddy bear that you can embrace anytime you need to and be reminded that all of your worries will go away soon. I wish I will prove that to you someday once you come back here if you could still hold on to giving me a chance and trust in each other.

In other times, I always thought about the past findings I discovered about you or visiting our chat history traced back at college times. It is my subtle coping mechanism on missing you this much. Questioning alot about our synchronized flirtatious conversations such as throwing hints through frivolous jokes that somewhat display our gradual ignition of inexplicably undeniabe attraction to one another from mental, emotional and physical aspect.

I kept reminiscing every significant moment of what we had to linger that special connection I have always yearned for in which I could not find from a sea of different people I have met - business, casual dates and fellow admirers. The spiral of these thoughts about you has taken a toll on me holding on til I hit the hay around 2AM. It's a wrestle between my heart and my mind. Just by remembering my sombre moments of the repressed undeniable feelings I have with you.

Deeply stalking and realizing that you still had someone at that college period but then a memory flashes back on me where you've mentioned that you were still in a complicated relationship during our first night ride with other youth club mates at the L300 when your closest boy best friend started the 'get to know' informal game while we were travelling to the designated campsite. I was sulking deeply as if my fresh wounds were rubbed against a grain of salt. Lights were turned off inside my bedroom after arriving from my night classes and was pleading to God to help me overcome this confusion and denial since it's been a burdening weight off my shoulder from after a few months away of breaking free from my last toxic ex-boyfriend . This phase of developing feelings for you from the beginning of our early friendship since youth camp had plunged me down to a hopeless hole. Couldn't bear the thought of being rejected nor planted myself with false hopes of reciprocated feelings from realizing how much I seriously liked you. I was super soft and cautious everytime we planned to see each other if our school errand schedules were not so tight.

Until this very day, even though we're close 'friends' and sometimes we'd update each other about our current situation while being away and fixated on our ambitions, I still feel that tinge of special happiness and also got diffident whenever you chatted me. I always have that naturally instant shyness by being with you ever since college. Like, I admit I'm still shy whenever we started talking or hanging out until my shyness goes away the longer we stayed on our dates. I have never felt this way with anyone I had admired before.

I swear to God. You are Paramore's famous titular song - The Only Exception. You beat all the men (boys) who are generally just being swooned by my appearance drooling over my attention as if venerating with a lustful gaze at an intricately marvelling marbled Greek statue. I don't receive much appreciation based from my intellect, personality or simply 'me'. Those opposite species are no fun and thrill for me because I instinctively just feel their magnifying attraction towards me in a superficial level, it's a game over. I'm always having second thoughts and deeply prudent and fearful at the same time for people I casually dated before.

Especially learning so much anecdotes from dating in this generation, the more I want my inner peace to stay intact and never again will I ever fall into those ephemeral illusory traps. The more I get exhausted on starting anew by getting to know different strangers through casual dates in this exploratory world. It is a challenge I set to myself in testing the depth of my feelings for you, in hopes maybe there could be better than you in terms of sparks. I was glad on how gravely disappointed I am each time a person I fling with stops being connected with me. I had a good feeling as to why there's countless withdrawals or nothing worked out from those people. I finally understand why the moment I shared this to you. Now, with our healthy boundaries and clearer hints about our growing relationship in a long distance. There's no pressure between us.

And that's you whom I randomly sent Always Forever by Cults, Forevermore by Cuco and Sofia by Clairo for you to know how much I'm missing you and thinking about you almost each day I'm alive listening through those songs. I guess I really love you more than just a friend or a sibling. I want to skip to the chapter of the falling-out-of-love days and being together on boredom where silence is part of our language we commonly fathom its essence. I want to love you during your worst days. The most imaginable painful times I could think of in dealing with the imperfect sides of your whole being - your anger, pride, disappointments. I want to endure with you no matter how much ugly shades you'd throw at me once we'll slowly grow more comfortable around each other. I wish you're the one in this forbidden world that God has gifted me someone I would be with in overcoming our obstacles and flaws as partners in the long run of our developing relationship.

But then again, I should not be serious for we are still on this age of youth and exploration. No matter what, I will wait for you while riding in this flow between us and what's in it for us by the Universe in the future. Of course, there'll always be a limit on my patience that should not be taken for granted nor abused only to be set aside as a hook. That is a huge pang of disappointment born from being one-sided, which drives me back going down memory lane. Maybe that confession at Starbucks was nothing but a phase for you at that moment and we just took it differently. I'm scared that your depth of feelings for me at that moment was just merely pure admiration and mine was much more than that. The emotional aspect that encompasses from mental all the way to intimate attraction.

Have to end this rant as it is getting lengthy for this sad girl monologue.

If you ever come across and discover this perspective narrated about you, just know how much it really means to me or how much it makes me happy from your out-of-the-blue greeting and anything you want to tell me or ask me about at Messenger. You'll be the main reason as to why it has made my day special. It might be small but it is significant enough to motivate me even more.

PS: Listening to Sis by Clairo repetitively by writing down these midnight thoughts as my mind's cushion and solace.

- kkemtal

[overthinkingkdrama]

Jona’s 5 Worst Dramas of 2019

A couple words about this list. I’m making this for fun. If a drama you love ended up on this list, it doesn’t mean that I hate you or I think you’re stupid or have terrible taste. But these are dramas that inspired strong negative reactions in me for one reason or another, whether that be disappointment, rage or disgust.

I’ve only included dramas that finished airing in 2019 in my selection process. If you have some dramas that hated, feel free to share them in the replies or send me an ask. It’s fun to complain about things for some reason.

Also, I have included major SPOILERS in a couple of these. So read at your own peril.

Dishonorable Mention: Melting Me Softly

I sincerely tried to limit myself to only dramas that I--for whatever misguided reasons--finished in their entirety for this list. Mainly because I don’t think it’s fair to brand something as the “worst” of anything without actually giving the thing a fair shake. That’s the only reason Melting Me Softly isn’t higher on this list. But I felt that it wasn’t right to leave it off entirely, if for no other reason then out of respect for the fallen Ji Chang Wook stans out there who lost their lives trying to make it through this trash fire. Somebody needs to stand up for those brave soldiers, out their gifing trash dramas while people like me are safe and sound on our couches, watching the tag like it’s a train wreck.

I made it through only two episodes of this drama, and despite my goodwill toward the majority of the cast, they were two of the most bafflingly bad hours of television that I forced myself to sit through this year. From what I could tell while side-eyeing the drama on tumblr and twitter it didn’t improve much over the course of the run. There were a couple steamy kisses that I enjoyed in clip form, but I don’t think it would have been worth the brain cells lost to sit through any more than that.

Bottom Line: Painfully unfunny, overwhelmingly expositional with no character development, confusing pacing and sloppy editing. Two episodes was two too many.

5. When the Devil Calls Your Name

It pains me to put this on the list because it was just last year that a Jung Kyung Ho, Park Sung Woong collaboration (Life on Mars) ended up in my top 5. And giving credit where it’s due, the two male leads seem to have a great deal of fun working together and I believe that all the actors gave this drama everything they could and sincerely tried to make it work. That’s one of the things I like about Jung Kyung Ho, he picks unique, risky projects that either pay off in a big way or fall flat on their faces (like the amateurishly written and edited Missing 9) Unfortunately, this script just too messy and too bizarre to work. Ha Rip as has a deeply frustrating character arc. He’s such a self-centered jerk for the vast majority of the drama, which is fine for a Faust type story if it’s written with conviction, but every time you think he’s started to turn a corner or grown as a person he reverts back to his old ways. The writing and tone are whiplash inducing. Plus the vague “soul mates” relationship between Ha Rip and Kim Yi Kyung seemed to want to have it both ways, flipping between implied romantic potential and a father/daughter dynamic, which made me quite uncomfortable.

Bottom Line: This drama’s bizarre mythology and world building barely makes any sense at all, but at least they’re easier to follow than the character development. Attempted something unique, but couldn’t pull it off. The OST is super dope though.

4. Love in Sadness

When I watched the first teasers I got the distinct impression that this wasn’t going to be a good drama, or at best it was going to be a guilty pleasure, but at the time when I started it I was hungry for a melo and there wasn’t much airing to hold my attention so I started it on impulse. I think in this case I got what I deserved for continuing to watch something I didn’t think was very good.

The first few episodes were actually pretty gripping and intriguingly dark, but that petered of quickly and the drama became and infuriating wheel spinning exercise with barely any perceptible plot development from episode to episode. The protagonists in this are all so stupid that in the final few episodes the female lead gets kidnapped not once, but multiple times because she keeps meeting her unstable husband alone. Plus nobody in this drama seems to know how to call the police when a madman is waving around a gun. It probably wouldn’t have made me so very mad except that in the last few episodes the writer became unaccountably preoccupied with how sad the psychotic, wife-beating husband’s family life was and how lonely and pathetic his life was when he wasn’t allowed to stalk, assault, and psychologically terrorize his wife. Seriously, in the last leg of the drama the villain is the only character who gets any character development at all. The drama pulls out all the stops to try to make use feel sorry for him. It’s disgusting.

Bottom Line: When a drama about a woman trying to escape domestic violence becomes completely preoccupied with painting the abuser as tragically misunderstood, you’ve got some serious problems.

3. The Lies Within

If it wasn't for the last two episodes this drama would not be on this list, but that isn't because it was in any way an exceptional drama, or that it otherwise would have ended up on my best list. Without the last two episodes The Lies Within is a merely adequate thriller, somewhat heightened by the brutal nature of the premise. I picked this show up largely to fill the void that was left by WATCHER and it was more or less successful, plus it helped that I liked the cast. However even at the beginning this drama I felt like it had some pretty glaring tone problems. There were parts of the drama that were standard OCN dark and gritty thriller, and there were other parts that felt like a campy police sitcom. The humor, when it does crop up in this drama always feels super out of place. But then that last big twist happened and man...I can't remember the last time a drama made me that angry or cratered quite so hard with a twist.

[And this is where I spoil the HELL out of this drama...]

Before this drama decided to go all M. Night Shyamalan in it’s last two episodes, there seemed to be at least one, if not two really reasonable candidates for the kidnapper. Actually all the ground work they’d done up to that point would seem to have pointed to Young Min and if he had turned out to be the perpetrator, I would have completely bought it. Instead they decided to blow everyone’s mind by making the kidnapped husband complicit in his own kidnapping and dismemberment. Which might seem like a shocking twist until you think about it for even half a second.

What it winds up doing on a narrative level it makes everything the characters have done to investigate this series of crimes up to this point feel pointless, resulting in a huge anticlimax. It makes the ambiguous figure of Seo Hui’s husband not only hopelessly stupid, but also cruel and unsympathetic. Because he thought somehow simply sharing the information with her would put her in more danger than threatening and psychologically terrorizing her into investigating the very people he was theoretically trying to protect her from. The explanation that he was already terminally ill doesn’t to anything to mitigate the stupidity of his plan for me. Seriously, you couldn’t think of any solution aside from cutting bits off yourself and sending them to your wife in the mail? I could rant about this ending at length, but I’m going to try to stop here.

Bottom Line: As far as I’m concerned, if you choose to sacrifice the emotional and narrative coherence of your story for a cheap and dirty twist to surprise the audience, you deserve every ranty review you get.

2. Love Affairs in the Afternoon

I’m really not sure what possessed me to watch this drama to begin with. That I continued to watch it is on me. The fact that I watched it despite hating the shallow characters, the thin story and the abortive message at the core of the drama is simply a lapse of judgement for which I shouldn’t be forgiven. Why did I do it despite not having a single nice thing to say about this show? Well, there are two reasons. I was curious to see if they would do anything compelling with one or two of the characters, (specifically the serial adulteress housewife an the broody artist) and I was surreptitiously watching this drama at work and it was really easy to follow the plot while only actually keeping my eyes on the screen about half the time. I watched the last episode before the subs were available and had no trouble understanding what was going. Which could be a sign that my Korean is improving, but is more likely a sign that the writing was so predictable and simplistic that you could follow it if you didn’t speak the language at all.

[Spoilers beyond this point.]

It’s my understanding that in the Jdrama that this is based on all of the characters basically wreck their lives and end up miserable, pointing toward the emptiness of the lives of these people who try to find fulfillment through extra-marital affairs. If that’s how this drama had ended, I still wouldn’t have enjoyed the execution but I could have respected the intent. But in this watered down Kdrama-fied version all the couples’ issues are resolved in the whitewash of a last episode time skip that makes the suffering and bullshit that led up to it feel completely pointless.

Bottom Line: Maybe this level of trashy, uninspired tripe would be somewhat justified if the chemistry between the leads had been better, but somehow they even managed to screw that up. The leads are just bad, vacuous people, a fact which is rendered all the more unforgivable by them being utterly bland. Everybody needed to divorce, nobody deserved to end up happy. Please be wiser than me and avoid this one.

1. Memories of the Alhambra

Initially, I was on the fence about even producing a “Worst List” this year, because in the past few years I’ve tried to be better about dropping dramas the moment they start to disappoint me, rather than hanging on to them and winding up burning myself out. I wasn’t sure if I’d have enough material to write this list, or at least not enough material to make it worth reading. Then I remembered that Memories of the Alhambra finished airing in January of this year (2019 was impossibly long, wasn’t it?) and I thought, “Aha, I can make this work.” I knew at once this drama was going to be the shitty tinfoil star atop my Christmas tree of suck.

I’ve already written a full review of this drama, where I got about as mean as I felt I could reasonably be. You can go read that if you like, I’m not going to retread all my many complaints here. What I will say is that Memories of the Alhambra took my mixed-to-favorable opinion of the writer, Song Jae Jung, and turned it to a negative one. She’s someone who clearly has a lot of interesting high concept ideas, but the execution is just not there. You can hook an audience with a concept, but you have to keep them with craft and structure. 

Maybe the industry can be blamed for that. Maybe she just has a hard time ending her stories, or maybe writing on a deadline doesn’t agree with her. Whatever the reason, I can no longer trust her to deliver a satisfying story. And that’s deeply saddening to me, because Queen In Hyun’s Man is in my top 10 favorite dramas.

To be front-to-back terrible is one thing. The joke’s at least half on me for bothering. But to have potential, to have an interesting hook, a budget, a cast, but then to be either unwilling or unable to live up to that potential feels like a con. That’s how I felt about his drama, like I had been willfully deceived by special effects and flashy editing, all orchestrated to disguise a narratively bankrupt, unsatisfying drama.

Bottom Line:  Is Memories of the Alhambra objectively the worst drama on this list? No, it’s not. Is it the most disappointing? Absolutely, it is. And that’s the more heinous crime, in my opinion.  And that’s why it’s my worst drama of 2019.

[artificialqueens]

Échappé / Chapter 1 (Branjie) - DenDenMonMon

Échappé: Slipping movement in which a dancer starts in a closed position and ends in an opened one.

For: svpermodel

A/N: 

Hi. Hello. Welcome!

So I have never written Branjie before, please, be patient since this is my first attempt. This was a crazy idea that a friend started ranting about on Twitter. I couldn’t help myself and just HAD to bring it to life. Even when I did significant research on them, there’s a huge chance you are about to read a version of Branjie that exists only in my head, tweaked a little by said friend.

Also, I’m Trixya trash, through and through, so expect a lot of that in the background.

Enjoy!

AO3 Link

 Échappé

Chapter one

“You know, you can just admit that we are lost.” Brooke laughed dryly from the backseat. Her big sunglasses slid down the bridge of her nose slightly. She pushed them back into place with a smile pasted on her lips.

Ben looked at her through the rear view mirror, the single curl bouncing on his forehead to the movement. He had his lips twisted to the side in a cheeky grin, gladly welcoming the friendly banter.

“If you must know, I am very sure of where we are. I just need to find a street that actually goes down.”

Brooke didn’t bother in replying. Her eyes rolled on their own, even when they were hidden behind the black shades. She changed her crossed legs, switching to left over right, and looked out the window.

She liked Los Angeles, she liked it a lot. Sure, she used to live in, probably, the biggest metropolis in the country, but this wasn’t her calm and relaxed Canada. Downton LA was ugly, dirty, dangerous, and she loved every bit of it. That was the whole charm about it. She could stare at those old buildings all day. They seemed to belong in so many different eras and times, yet, they coexisted in harmony, creating this mix-match look that somehow fit perfectly together. The sidewalks were always crowded with people from all over the world, in all these different colors and shapes, and speaking so many languages. They were always walking fast and never waiting for the red hand to change to cross the street.

The car finally went left. There were honking sounds following the movement, and Brooke was sure that her driver had taken an unauthorized turn.

She held onto the handle on the door with a smile, amused by the way her body slid on the seat. The smile stayed there. Even when Ben kept mumbling complaints under his breath, Brooke couldn’t help but smile. She was happy. She had traveled the world and eaten the most amazing food; she had lived in exotic places and fallen in love with wildly interesting people, but she had never felt so content in her life. Her heart skipped a beat at the thought, at the very happy thought.

Brooke Lynn Hytes had just turned thirty, and her life was right where she wanted it to be. It hadn’t been easy, but she wouldn’t change a single thing about it. In a way, she liked how she had to fight for what she wanted, it gave her a certain perspective on life she could only obtain through struggle. She celebrated every victory and embraced every failure. Learned and grew from every experience, appreciated every achievement, and made sure to keep a quick and smart sense of humor; which her mom had taught her. Mom’s are always right after all.

She didn’t like to consider herself a lucky person. Everything Brooke had, she had worked for it. Nothing had been given to her for free, and opportunities had most definitely never simply fallen into her lap. When it came to her family, though, she knew that God, or the universe, or merely luck, had worked in her favor, landing her in the most amazing environment for any kid to grow up in. She, and all of her siblings, were always given the chance to be free, express themselves, go after their goals and trust their instincts. That’s how she managed to follow her passion and turn the life she dreamed about into a reality.

Being a ballerina had always been her aspiration. There was a world of a difference between her current self and that dreamy girl - the girl who would take advantage of any flat surface to try and pull dance moves she had just seen on TV. Brooke remembered being in her shared bedroom, pushing her sister’s stuff to the side so she could have more space to practice. Her legs were weak and untrained.

She couldn’t help but touch her toned thigh through the fabric of her skirt. Her body had truly come a long way.

As much as her parents wanted to help her to pursue that dream, money had been tight, and dance academies have never been cheap.

Brooke had fond memories of small dance groups she went to after class, at a tiny community center across from the school. For only a few bucks a week, she could dance with her friends for an hour per day, guided by an overly-enthusiastic Zumba instructor who really liked children. Those were enough credentials for the director of the place, who allowed her to teach. Brooke had no complaints, though. Those were her favorite dance years, before she was ‘discovered’ - when dancing was all about having fun, when dancing wasn’t a career. She had to admit, it was a job she loved, but a job nonetheless.

On the street, a mother angrily pulled her child by the arm. The girl seemed to walk a little too slow for the mom’s taste. Blonde curls created a jumping curtain around the girl’s face, who deliberately refused to move faster. Brooke saw so much of herself in the small child, the stubborn resemblance making her chuckle in her seat.

“See? Told you I knew where we were,” Ben said triumphantly. His words only meant he had finally found the right route again. He was a very talkative man, and just then did Brooke realize he had been quiet for a long time, probably trying to figure out his away around that part of the city.

The thought brought a new question to her mind. “DeLa, where are we? Is this still downtown?”

Her eyes once again met Ben’s through the mirror, what looked almost like an apologetic smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “Yeah, but according to this thing…” His fingers tapped on the GPS integrated in the dashboard. “We only need to go a few blocks down, enter the ten, and we’ll be on our merry way.” The silly smile was obnoxious, mainly because it was genuine. Brooke couldn’t stand the idea of someone being so happy all the time, but leave it to BenDeLaCreme to be able to pull it off.

Once he’d gotten some sense of direction, Ben went back to his usual self, giving random information he knew about the buildings around them, and how the government’s money only went to certain parts of the city, leaving this side completely forgotten.

After taking a right turn, the street grew smaller, the four lines merging into one and slowing them down.

Brooke didn’t welcome the traffic very well. The day was hot and she could feel her shirt sticking to her back. She ran a hand around her ear, pushing nonexistent loose strands back into place. Her blonde hair was perfectly tied in a bun at the back of her head, just like a prima ballerina should always wear it. Not a strand fell out of place, ever, she was always careful about that. Sitting in a car for so long, with nothing to do but entertain Ben’s pointless conversation, forced her hands to play with imaginary hair.

Suddenly, her eyes were pulled to the scene taking place across the street, her back straightened and her jaw dropped dramatically. She took the round sunglasses away from her face, just to have a clear view of what was happening in the corner of the park.

Her flat hand hit the front seat a few times with more force than she intended. “Ben, pull over.”

“What, now? Where? Why?”

“Oh, God, just do it!”

The cars around them were not moving much, traffic finally doing some good for them. Ben easily moved out of the way and found a spot to parallel park. The tires of the SUV hadn’t fully stopped when Brooke was opening her door and stepping down.

Her high heels hitting the pavement were barely audible above the loud music and inevitable sounds of children playing around her. She had to step on grass but she didn’t even care, she kept going and going, trying to balance the best she could in those shoes, until she reached her destination.

A group of young girls had a speaker perched on a bench. The round tube shined bright colors that immediately got drowned by the sunrays. Brooke didn’t recognize the music, but she liked the Latin flavor it had. Her mind was instantly thinking of intricate ballroom dances that could be performed to that song. Nonetheless, the girls dancing to it had a very different idea. Their hips moved to a synchronized rhythm, even when they were clearly freestyling. Each had their own take on the song, the beats awakening unique moves for each of their limbs but, at the same time, they clearly worked together. They looked like a perfectly structured dance team.

The song ended and the five girls giggled happily. They hugged and shared high-fives, proud of the creation they had just given life to.

She didn’t even think about it, Brooke clapped her hands slowly but loudly. She knew the smile on her face, open-mouthed and all teeth, probably looked stupid, but she wouldn’t do anything to hide it. What she had just witnessed wasn’t like anything she had ever seen in her life before. The way those girls had danced, so effortlessly, yet so accurate in technique, made her feel a certain warmth in her stomach she couldn’t really identify. She had come alive by their little performance, her heart was still beating to the rhythm of the song she didn’t even know.

All eyes went to her. The girls stopped their celebration and looked up at her. Brooke didn’t know, but they were not particularly used to see tall ladies in black pencil skirts, fancy white shirts, and sky-high stilettos. They stared at her with big questioning eyes as they lined up a few steps away from her.

“Hi!” She finally let out. It was supposed to be kind and welcoming, trying to ease the tension, but excitement made her almost yell the word at them. “You guys are so good! Are you part of a dance group?”

They looked among each other, until one of them nodded her head. If someone had instructed these girls not to talk to strangers, they should be really proud right now.

In yet another attempt to try and be friendly, Brooke bent her knees and placed her hands on her thighs, trying, unsuccessfully, to be at their eye level. She ended up sitting on her heels instead.

“You really are amazing! I wish I could dance like you, would you teach me?” Her ears filled with the innocent sound of girly giggles. Her smile only grew wider.

One of the girls, who Brooke had right away recognized as the leader, eyed her from the side. Her stare was analytical, scanning her up and down, and actually pondering if she could be taught. “I don’t think you could do it,” was her professional opinion.

Brooke’s jaw was somewhere near the floor, partly in exaggeration to entertain the children, but mostly shocked at the unfiltered comment of the girl. She couldn’t be more than ten years old and yet she carried herself like a fully grown adult. Her clothes were colorful and her frizzy hair threatened to break out of the braid adorning the side of her head. Her skin was dark and, mixed with the slightly detectable accent, Brooke deduced she at least had some Latin descendance. No wonder she had no issue speaking her mind.

Just when she was about to ask them who was their teacher, the question answered itself. They all heard a voice yelling from behind them. The girls froze for a moment, understanding the admonishing words barked at them in Spanish.

Then came a vision in red, black and denim shorts.

“Who is you and what the fuck you doing talking to my babies?”

Brooke’s eyes widened. She crossed her arms on top of her chest with a stern look on her face. “Excuse me, maybe you shouldn’t curse in front of the children.” Her statement came out more like a question, almost asking if the girl standing in front of her understood the damage.

There was a thin braid at the top of the girl’s head, adorned with rhinestones along the way; the rest of her hair went all the way down to her waist in natural waves. The long red curls bounced as she shook her head. “Huh? You serious, girl? How I talk is none of your business. Thank you very much. Plus, they know better than to repeat those words, right, girls? Or you wanna get’cha little asses whooped?”

They all shook their heads, amused smiles spread across their faces, indicating that the words directed to them meant no harm.

Honestly, there was something intimidating about the young woman standing in front of her. Brooke had to admit as much. It wasn’t her size, she was tiny, but her presence was grand. She wore high heel boots that went all the way up to her thighs, still a long distance from where her tiny shorts ended; and that black crop top hid barely enough of her chest. Her silver hoop earrings, that pretty much rested on her shoulders, caught the sun, blinding Brooke for a moment, and making her realize she had done nothing but stare at her for too long.

“Ya done?” The girl asked, her long lashes blinking rapidly. “You need me to turn around or somethin’?”

That was enough to fully snap Brooke out of her observations. She shook her head to physically exist that weird daze. “I apologize. Hello, I’m Brooke, Brooke Lynn Hytes.” She smiled and extended her hand, trying to be as cordial as possible.

The laugh that followed her words, she hadn’t expected. “What kind of name is that? You from New York?”

“I’m from Toronto,” Brooke offered, completely aware of the other girl’s chain of thoughts, and not falling for it. She was too used to be bullied by the unintended pun placed on her name, she had learned a rather delicate way to deal with it.

“Your parents wanted to live there or some shit? What’s the deal with that, bitch?”

That last word had thrown her off guard. Brooke was used to hearing it among her teammates, it was a term of endearment, usually the start of fun banter. Having it fall from the lips of a stranger made her feel uneasy, even when the few letters carried no harm in her direction. She retracted her hand, letting it land awkwardly on her hip.

“Yeah, okay, listen, child, don’t go all serious on me, okay? It was a stupid joke, alright? No offense to mommy and daddy and their dream vacation spot. I’m Vanessa,” she said as she closed the gap between them, grabbing Brooke’s hand without permission and shaking it at an unusual speed. “Nice to meet you, Brooke.”

Her shoulders squared up. Brooke was a strong, independent, successful woman, she was always cool and collected. There was no plausible explanation as to why this young woman, with caramel skin glistening in the harsh sun, was making her feel so… insecure?

Vanessa let go of Brooke’s hand, theatrically placing it back against her hip. “Alright, Imma ask you one more time. Are you, like, some kind of fancy-ass predator here to steal my girls and sell them to slavery, or…?”

“What?! No!” Brooke replied shocked, her voice tinted with indignation. She brought both her hands up to her hips, stretching her back and neck to at least feel some leverage, even if it was just her height. “Just, I saw the kids dancing and was taken away by their talent.” She craned her neck to look behind Vanessa, where the girls were patiently waiting for the grown-ups to be done speaking. “Are they your students?”

“Yeah.” Vanessa smiled proudly, directing her attention to them for a moment. “And they’re late for their stretching class!” Her high heeled boot was raised, pretending to send a kick their way, even though they were too far behind. “You better drag ya little asses inside before Miss Yvie comes and fucking skin you alive or some weird shit like that. You know she’s into all that freaky stuff.”

The girls ran in playful delight. Brooke followed them with her eyes until they reached a small building in the middle of the park. It looked familiar, she had never been on that part of the city, yet she felt like the construction was something she had visited before.

“Is that… your community center?”

Suddenly, Vanessa’s eyes seemed to light up. “Oh, shit! You are that-that–” her hand flailed in front of her as her brain tried to find the right noun, coming out empty. “The lady that’s supposed to give us the money, right?! The government help we applied for!”

Before Brooke could reply, before she could deny the title just given to her, Vanessa was stomping her way back into the building, throwing words into the air that Brooke didn’t catch. Her strides were short but powerful. The red and black plaid shirt that covered her bottom bounced to the rhythm of her hips in a hypnotizing way.

“Well, c’mon!”

It took Vanessa to yell over her shoulder to take Brooke out of her trance. She walked with fast steps behind her, unsuccessfully trying to catch up. She looked down, unable to stop herself from comparing her light steps against the forceful ones of the powerhouse in front of her. Of course, Brooke had to remind herself that she was a ballerina. She had been taught her entire life to be graceful. Feet should not make a sound when hitting the ground, that was one of the primary rules. So, she decided to stay true to her learnings and slowed down the pace, leaving Vanessa to stand by the front door for a few more seconds, waiting for her to reach it.

The first thing Brooke spotted when she walked in was a big sign next to the front desk. It read ‘We can save the center!’ in big blue letters against white background. It had a thermometer drawn on one side. The marks on it were set in intervals of five thousand, going from zero to fifty, and it had a big dollar sign at the top. Red marker covered the bottom, barely reaching the number ten.

Behind the desk was a blonde girl with big hair, overdrawn lips, extremely pink cheeks, and way too much mascara on her heavy lashes. Her complete attention was set on the phone in her hand as she popped pink bubbles of gum.

“This is Trixie,” Vanessa informed Brooke as they walked by her. “She helps with the makeup. I have no idea what she’s doing here right now. Don’t pay attention to her, she won’t pay attention to you, anyways.”

In response, the girl lifted her middle finger, but didn’t look up from her phone.

Vanessa took her around the place, showing Brooke the small indoor basketball court, and the few craft rooms. She mentioned a pool at the back but that was being cleaned, so it was better not to see it now. They walked through a small gym, where generic work out equipment had been placed. Vanessa explained someone had built them from scratch using metallic waste from the construction site where he used to work.

Music could be heard when they reached the back of the place. Those were the multipurpose rooms. They used them to teach yoga, zumba, karate, and modern dance; which was Vanessa’s class. They stopped by the room with the loud music flowing. There were around twenty girls in there –including the ones she had seen at the park– each supporting themselves on their hands and bare feet, forming an arch with their backs. A thin young woman, with limbs that seemed to go on forever, and skin as smooth and rich as milk chocolate, corrected the girls and helped them place their backs in the right position.

The tour ended back at the front desk. “See? Don’t tell me it ain’t cute. This is such an important place for the community,” Vanessa spoke with such enthusiasm it was contagious. “Grandmas come knit while the kids play basketball or dance their booties off. This is not a nice neighborhood, you see? So we need good things. This is a really good thing and we would like to keep it. If you could, please, not sell it to those big companies that only care about shit like parking space, that would, you know, really help us a lot.”

Brooke blinked a couple of times, she had completely forgotten about the misunderstanding. She had been so wrapped up in the way Vanessa talked about the place, making her fall in love with it right from the start, that she never found a moment to clarify who she was. Learning that they could lose it broke her heart. And then she had to think of an easy way to let them know she was not the salvation they had been expecting… or maybe she was?

Her hand landed on the desk, the other one found its rightful place on her hip. “Umm, I don’t know how to say this, but… I can’t make the government help you.”

Vanessa looked around, her weight shifting from one foot to the other in clear annoyance. “I knew it! This fucking administration doesn’t give a shit about–”

Brooke lifted her hand, making Vanessa’s rant die on her lips. “But only because I don’t work for the government like you thought.”

“Ha!” A scream-like laugh came from behind them. “She’s got you, V!” Trixie said before getting up and walking away, not willing to waste her time on them anymore.

Vanessa’s jaw hung low in surprise. “Then why the fuck you made me give you a goddamn tour of the place?”

“I didn’t–” Brooke was unable to answer, Vanessa’s anger filling up the space around them.

“You showed here with all you-your big money shoes and executive clothes, looking all cah-ching, cah-ching, and you can’t even help us!”

Brooke was reaching the end of her patience. The palm of her hand landed loudly against the desk, regaining Vanessa’s attention. “Listen here. I never said I couldn’t help you, okay? If you could stop for one minute and pay attention. I direct a dance company–”

“Oh, Mary! You are fuckin’ competition, aren’t you? You are here to steal our moves! Nah ah. No, ma’am. Not on my watch, Momma. You better get going.” Vanessa’s index finger pointed towards the door, her arm fully extended, and her face showing nothing but fury.

Instead of exiting, Brooke took a few steps closer, towering her. The heat radiating from Vanessa’s body was tickling her skin. “I could help you,” she said slowly and carefully. “My company can make a generous donation so you can save this place.”

Vanessa didn’t even flinch, her feet hit the ground one at the time, her jaw was clenched, and her stare pierced right into Brooke’s soul. “We are not a charity. We don’t need no free money. Go, now.” The words came out low but full of force.

Brooke was not going to accept being treated like that. She looked up at the thermometer sign, spotting a date for the first time in the top left corner.

“See you in two months. I’ll love to see the demolition of this place.”

And, with that, she walked out the door, not even bothering to look back to see Vanessa’s reaction. The girl had just gotten on her bad side, and there was no turning back.

Notes:

Thank you so much for reading and giving this story a chance, please don’t forget to let me know what you think.

[slut4supersoldiers]

Unloved

Pairing: Billy Hargrove X OC Bi reader (fem)

Summary: The one where Billy Hargrove meets his match: both are fond of speed, sex, hiding their broken hearts with a cocky smile and drinking away their pain. 

Words: 2k+Warnings: Alcohol, Abuse, Strong language, Slight angst.

A/N: I really like the Bad girl meets bad boy narrative so i gave it a try. The reader is Bi so please don’t read if you’re not comfortable with it. (although there’s nothing wrong with being bi). Also this will be a slow update.

MASTERLIST

REQUEST HERE

Hawkins was a small town in Indiana. With a handful of people living together, greeting each other every day (willingly or unwillingly) it was easier to keep a record of the faces filling up the spaces in the town. Therefore, when a new truck of movers drove into town word spread around like fire. A new family moving in next to the Jones’ house was the only buzz around town.

The Jones were the perfect picket fence family. Mr. Arthur Jones was a sales manager and worked out of town. Mrs. Carol Jones, his wife stayed at home and volunteered to help at the community centre and the church which the family religiously went to every Sunday. The Jones had twin daughters.

Deborah Jones was 7 minutes older. She was the good girl; the star of the family; the poster child for preppy. She studied at an all girl’s school out of town. The school only admitted girls who had the will to excel in the future (re: become good wives by obeying their husbands and looking after a hoard of children). The school was as obnoxious as it sounded and so was Deborah or Debbie as she preferred. The favourite child right from the get go, she was pampered and given the maximum attention.

This perfect family, however, had one ‘stain’ as they liked to privately address her. It was their other daughter, Evelyn.

Unlike her sister, Evelyn went to Hawkins High. Since she became old enough to separate good and bad, she realised she was the child her parents never wanted. She was the black sheep; the rogue wolf; the disappointment and her parents made sure to remind her of that every day. Today, being no exception.

Like every Sunday, the family woke up and got ready to go to church at 7 am and like always Evelyn got ready to go to bed after being out the whole night. Lucky for her she was dropped off by her friend Steve who carefully led her to the window of her room. Evelyn for once was thankful to her parents for giving her the room on the ground floor. She opened the half open window completely and got in as stealthily as her hungover self would allow her to. Much to her dismay her mother opened the door to her room at the same time as she shut the window.

“Evelyn Lily Jones” Evelyn could hear the disapproval dripping from her mom’s voice and she cursed herself for not locking the door the night before.

“Mother dear.” Evelyn turned around wincing at the sight of her mother. Even with the dark tinted sunglasses covering her eyes she could see her mother angrily marching to her.

Her mother angrily snatched the glasses causing Evelyn to wince as she tried to adjust to the sudden brightness.

“You’re hopeless. I know you never come to the church and frankly we don’t want to be seen with you, what with the way you act. But at least start being responsible.” Evelyn resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

“I am sorry, your royal highness. I will clean up and wait here like a good girl while you go to the church and bask in the holiness. Sounds good?” Evelyn stifled her laugh as she could practically see the smoke coming out of her mom’s ears.

As Evelyn was about to turn around her mother grabbed her by the elbow digging her freshly manicured nails into her daughter’s skin and pulled her closer, “I am excusing your behaviour this time. But if you don’t behave tonight in front of our guests I will let your father deal with you. Sounds good?” Her mother gave her a menacing smile.

Evelyn nodded curtly as her mother pulled away. Smoothing her dress her mother gave Evelyn her usual sickening smile and walked out without a word.

As her mother shut the door Evelyn looked down at the skin around her elbow. The marks left by her mother’s fingers were already darkening, tainting her skin. Just another addition to the collection of unlimited bruises that littered her body.

Without any more thought Evelyn walked into the bathroom adjoining her room. Instead of taking a warm bath as she had initially planned Evelyn turned on the faucet and stood under the shower. The cold water cascading down made goose bumps rise on her naked body.

After a long shower Evelyn felt somewhat refreshed, the slight headache from the hangover was starting to fade away. Drying herself off, she walked towards her mirror and stared at her reflection. Unlike her sister’s naturally blonde hair, she had black hair that reached her shoulder. She still remembered the day she bought the dye and coloured her hair without telling her parents. She almost remembered how her father slapped her twice before grounding her for a week for doing that. After that she continued dyeing her just to piss off her parents.

After wearing comfortable clothes she got in bed and pulled the blanket over her head and decided to rest before that dreadful meeting with her parents’ guest.

At around 12 in the noon Evelyn was woken by the shrill ring of the phone. When she padded into the kitchen to receive the phone she realised her family had not returned yet and she was thankful for it. As soon as she picked up the phone Tina’s voice fell on her ear.

“Evie my parents have gone out and we are having a small get together. Now everyone would kill me if you don’t show up. So I am sending Artie to pick you up. No excuses.” Evelyn shook her head at her friend who was probably already tipsy. She knew she had promised her mother and if she failed to keep up with the promise the consequences would be dire. But Evelyn was not going to give up on free booze either. So without giving it another though she changed into something more presentable, hopped into her friend’s car who arrived only minutes later and was off to Tina’s house in no time.

 The moment Evelyn arrived at Tina’s house she was greeted by a very drunk Carol who hugged her and refused to let go till her boyfriend pulled her off. She finally made her way to the mini bar after greeting a dozen of people. This is the life Evelyn thought. Booze, friends and more booze. She smiled as she downed the concoction which tasted oddly like cola and whisky. She wasn’t fond of the taste but she liked the warm feeling the alcohol left in her throat. To be honest she craved anything that made her feel something. So she drank some more.

Like Evelyn had predicted Tina’s “little get together” soon turned into a proper rager. This was the best way to spend the weekend and Evelyn wanted to make the most of it. But her happiness was short lived.

Before anybody could scurry out the cops barged in through Tina’s doors. The ones close to the back door ran away while some of them ran away before the three cops could catch them. Evelyn was a little tipsy but she could have easily ran through the back door still she halted when she saw Jim Hopper, the police chief pointing a finger at her as if ordering her to stay where she was. If there was one person she respected and listened to it was Jim Hopper. So she stopped. Within seconds Hopper walked over to her and ushered her to follow him out.

The moment Evelyn stepped out the cold air enveloped her. The sun had set and was now replaced by the moon that shone bright. When she sat in the car Evelyn looked at the watch on Hopper’s wrist, 7:15. Evelyn was hoping that she could miraculously skip the dinner but fate (and Jim hopper had other plans). To top it all the constant glances from hopper were beginning to annoy Evelyn so she just chose to look out the window.

“Why are you doing this Evelyn?” After a moment of silence passed between them Hopper finally spoke up.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about?” Evelyn shrugged and put her feet up on the headboard.

“Hey! Feet off.” Hopper bellowed forcing Evelyn to get her feet off and cower closer to the passenger door. Hopper sighed at her reaction, “this is not healthy Evelyn. Nothing good will come out of this.”

“Has anything good ever happened to me anyway?” Evelyn smiled but the smile did not meet her eyes.

“Kid, you can get out of here. You’re a brilliant student. Just put in some more eff-

“And go where Jim? I don’t belong anywhere. I’ll always be a freak, a disappointment or whatever. My own family doesn’t accept me what makes you think anyone else will?” by the end of her rant erratic breathes left her mouth. This silenced the chief and he sped towards her house. As soon as they reached her house Evelyn sat up straighter and almost as if a switch went off Evelyn’s demeanour changed. She held a shit eating grin and looked over at the older man.

“Wow! That was an intense ride. Need to take the edge off. Got a cig?” Evelyn continued to smile at Hopper.

“No! Now I am gonna take you to your house and I don’t want to see you causing any more trouble.” The chief said as he opened the car door.  

“Come on chief as if you didn’t do messed up things back in the days!” Evelyn sassed back.

Rolling his eyes Jim rang the bell. The lights on the porch went on and Evelyn’s dad opened the door.

“Ah! Chief and Evelyn?” Her dad’s expression went from happy to sour.

“Yes! She was helping the guys…uh… at the store to clean up the graffiti from the store wall. I saw her and dropped her off.” Hopper shook her dad’s hand who gave him a tight smile in return and walked in immediately after, completely disregarding her presence.

“Evelyn behave.” Hopper glared at her before walking to his car and driving away.

Evelyn rolled her eyes at his behaviour, “well at least he saved my ass (with a terrible lie)”, she thought. She heaved a huge sigh and made a dash to her room only to be stopped by her mother.

“Evelyn honey come meet our guests.”  Her mom’s sickeningly sweet voice fell on her ears. To others it might seem normal, motherly even. But only Evelyn knew it was the silence before the storm. So she walked into the dining room where four unfamiliar faces were sitting with her own family.

“This is my other daughter Evelyn, Evelyn these are the Hargroves.” Mrs. Jones grabbed her daughter’s hand and pushed her towards one of the empty chairs forcing her to sit down.

“Evelyn I am Susan, this is Neil my husband, that’s Maxine my daughter and Billy her step-brother.” Evelyn turned her head to Billy when she heard him scoff. She had to admit it he was good looking. He looked a little different than his family. Almost like an outsider.

Oblivious to his remark Susan continued, “Your mom talked a lot about you.” She smiled.

Evelyn raised her eyebrows and looked at Susan, “Well Susan let me assure you that I am nothing like my mom described me. I am a good person, contrary to what she must’ve said.” The moment she said this her mom hit the spoon in her hands on her daughter’s knuckles which were placed on her knee, under the table. Both her parents, shot daggers at her. As she managed to look away from their faces she saw Billy giving her a smug smile almost as if he was impressed.

“I am just joking.” she said biting her lip to keep herself from smiling.

Susan laughed nervously and so did Evelyn’s mother. Once again they started talking. Susan was busy sharing recipes with Mrs. Jones, while Neil and Mr. Jones excused themselves to walk to the bar. Debbie on the other hand was too busy making eyes at Billy, completely oblivious of how he was looking down her top instead of her face.

Evelyn’s eyes now fell on the little girl, Max. She was sitting quietly, looking down at her plate. She could see Max pushing the peas away from the rest of the food. But when Susan shook her head disapprovingly she groaned and stopped. Evelyn suddenly grabbed the napkin from her lap and gave it to the young girl. She looked up at the older girl questioningly. In response Evelyn nodded towards the peas and back to the napkin. Slowly Max pushed the peas into the napkin and handed it to Evelyn. Both the girls smirked at each other as Max placed the spoon back on the plate.

“Well if you will excuse me.” Evelyn looked at the six people at the table and got up. Disposing the peas in the trash can without anyone noticing she made her way to her room before anyone could object.

Once in her room she threw her jacket away and began unzipping her boots when a knock came on her door.

Rolling her eyes she got up to unlock the door. Evelyn was surprised when she saw that boy from the table. “Billy”, she reminded herself. She raised her eyebrows and crossed her hands in front of her chest.

“Your mom and Susan thought we should socialize considering the fact that we’ll be going to the same school and sadly I don’t have many friends here.” He pouted as he walked in ignoring Evelyn’s protests.

“Dude what the fuck?” She yelled at him as he began pulling the pictures she had pinned on a display board.

“Who’s that?” He shoved a Polaroid in her face. Evelyn had pinned it at the corner of the board almost as if she didn’t want to see it but still refused to throw it away for the sentimental value it held. She pulled the said Polaroid out of his hand and took a good look at the picture. It was perfect. Or that’s what she had said then. Evelyn finally tore her eyes away from the Polaroid and walked away from billy to put the picture on her vanity.

Turning to Billy she said, “That’s none of your business.” He raised his hands in defence, “Just trying to be friendly.” He smiled at her.

“Why don’t you go and be ‘friendly’ with my sister? I am sure she’d love that.” Evelyn crossed her arms and glared at the boy.

“Your sister? Nah! Not my type.” He smirked at Evelyn who rose her eyebrows at him.

Before she could argue with him any further, her mom called for the two of them as the Hargroves wanted to leave.

As tempting as Evelyn thought it would be to stay in her room, the moment her father yelled for her, her feet carried her out of the room automatically. Neil, Susan and Max were already out of the door and as Billy followed behind her, Mrs. Jones who was holding Susan’s dainty fingers murmured, “Hope there was no funny business you two.” And both the women broke out laughing.

Evelyn could only roll her eyes and mutter, “as if.” Only to realise it was the last straw for her father. He grabbed his daughter’s elbow much like her mother had but harder.

“Don’t you wanna say goodbye to our guests Evelyn?” Her father gripped her elbow harder enough to leave a bruise. She suddenly tensed at his actions and blinking away the tears frantically, she muttered a goodbye. Completely oblivious to what was happening Susan, Neil and Max bid the ‘happy family’ goodbye but Billy lingered back for a while looking from Mr. Jones to Evelyn and finally giving the girl a curt nod he walked away.

[detectiveguapo]

This is chapter two of I-don’t-know-how-many of the story of how Miguel and Emily met. I’m calling this series “Ithaca”. No warnings except for some colorful use of language. 

Ithaca, being a college town, is quieter in the summer. It receives its fair share of tourists and hikers, but not enough to make up for the mass exodus of undergrads, who circle back home to celebrate Fourth of July weekend with their families. Every year it’s the same story. Students come home to learn that nonna will never understand why a stance against industrial farming is enough to refuse to eat her meat lasagna. Parents are alarmed to learn that their children are adults now and can say ‘no’ when they’re told to eat something for grandma’s sake. Students return to campus with stories of an uncle going off on a rant about gender-neutral bathrooms, slippery slopes, and government-sanctioned decimation of masculinity. “The liberal agenda uses post-secondary education to brainwash young people.” It’s the kind of nonsense uttered by a family member that makes one wish they could sever a branch off the family tree. The conversations overheard at the campus bar are more relaxed during the break. No one’s arguing politics and discussing freshman-level philosophy in crowded booths. Even the volume of cases brought up to the legal aid office is significantly reduced. Emily Thomas knows this because she’s sitting at her desk, hoping for a PolSci major to show up to file a grievance claim against her capitalist Econ professor. With her feet propped up on the desk, she bounces a rubber band ball against the wall of her cubicle. Her computer screen lights up and she scrambles for the mouse to read the new message.

From: M.Galindo@GalindoEnterprises.com To: emily.thomas@cornell.edu Now you have no excuse to skip the most important meal of the day. Miguel

The email isn’t a work-related task to keep her busy and make the day go faster, but it’s certainly a welcome addition to her inbox. She grins from ear to ear as she remembers waking up that morning to an unexpected delivery of fresh flowers and croissants.

The day before, Miguel called and asked how she was doing. She wasn’t planning on telling him but she did briefly mention she was feeling tired and unwell. He wouldn’t let it go until she told him her symptoms. And she wouldn’t let him forget that he was a businessman, not a doctor. “Have you eaten today?” She wrestled with the idea of embellishing the truth by saying she had more than just a granola bar while heading out to the office, but she couldn’t do it. He sounded so concerned and so determined to help her even when he was thousands of miles away in California. “No wonder you’re so tired.” “It was my choice to sleep in,” she told him. “It’s fine. I’m fine. I swear.” He groans on the other end of the line. “I’m sorry. It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have kept you up all night.” It was true, but they had both decided to ignore the time difference and continue talking on the phone for hours. It was silly, but neither one wanted to stop hearing the other’s voice.

From: emily.thomas@cornell.edu To: M.Galindo@GalindoEnterprises.com Thank you, but I can’t get used to it. I’m sleeping early tonight and making my own breakfast in the morning. I’m thinking a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a giant mug of coffee. P.S. How did you know my favorite flowers are blue hydrangeas? Emily

She hits send and waits for his response. There are no new messages in her inbox and no one coming through the doors seeking legal assistance. She likes working for legal aid when there’s actually something to do, but it’s idle days like these that make her wish she had tried to secure that internship at Olivia Williams’ office. A huge motivator would be the invaluable work experience she’d gain working at a District Court, and yet there’s a small part of her that’s motivated by wicked curiosity. It’s been a little over a month since she met Miguel Galindo at the alumni event. She’s spoken to him on the phone a few times. They’ve exchanged friendly emails and the occasional naughty text message — nothing obscene. She can’t help it when the man knows just what to say to elicit a similarly flirty response. And yet, in spite of all their conversations, she still has this strange feeling the man is a mystery. He tells her about flying to Hong Kong to meet with a client. He’s on the phone as he walks through a bustling city, describing every detail and confessing how much he wishes she could be there right beside him. He apologizes when he rings her late. He admits he’s had a few too many to drink, then he grumbles something barely coherent about his father’s expectations, before asking about her day. Emily doesn’t press. She’s learned quickly that Miguel can only be so vulnerable to a degree. There are moments when the man wants to reveal a piece of himself to her, but he stops himself and switches near-seamlessly with such control one barely notices. She also doesn’t press because, when Miguel asks questions, she isn’t completely honest. She tells him everything about who she is and where she came from while omitting one vital element to the whole story. In doing so, the story reads like someone else’s. It’s only fair they’re a mystery to each other.

From: M.Galindo@GalindoEnterprises.com To: emily.thomas@cornell.edu I like spoiling you. It’s the least I can do since I can’t physically be there to take you out to dinner and show you a good time (I’ll leave the rest to your imagination). I’m hoping it keeps you interested until I can free up my schedule and fly up there to see you again. In case you didn’t know, I do want to see you again. About the flowers, I didn’t know they were your favorite. I just picked the ones that reminded me most of your eyes. Tienes hermosos ojos, Emily. Miguel

When Emily arrives home from work, she’s so tired she doesn’t register the image of her apartment drowning in blue hydrangeas. Every surface is covered in crystal or ceramic vases piled high and full of flowers. The summer breeze wafts in, swirling in the fragrant floral perfume. “Your boyfriend is madly in love with you.” Julia appears from behind a wall; she’s carrying a tall, cylindrical vase with — you guessed it — blue hydrangeas. “He’s not my boyfriend,” Emily says as she drops her bag to the floor. “And he’s not in love with me.” “Please.” Julia rolls her eyes as she sets the vase down on the last available square inch on their dining table. “All of this must’ve cost a fortune. No man buys out every florist in the state to impress a girl he only likes a little bit. He’s totally in love with you.” “This is chump change to someone like him.” Emily bites down on her bottom lip to try to keep her smile at bay. She doesn’t think her roommate is anywhere near the ballpark in identifying Miguel’s feelings for her; but she has to admit, it makes her feel giddy to hear that he likes her enough to pull off such an over-the-top, romantic gesture. “I shouldn’t have mentioned they were my favorite. Now what are we going to do with all of this?” “Take a million selfies.” Julia holds her phone out, pouts her lips like the long-lost redhead Kardashian-Jenner, and snaps a picture. “Then we send them over to the retirement home as per Mr. Ga-lin-do’s instructions.” “You’re kidding?” Julia holds up a card between her fingers, and before she knows it Emily has snatched it out of her grasp.

Emily, 

I like spoiling you, but I know that’s not who you are. So enjoy these flowers and keep only what you want. Someone will come by later this evening to pick up the rest of them to send them to the Cayuga Retirement Home on your behalf. Espero verte antes de que las flores mueran. Miguel

“Forget law school. Forget the internship,” Julia says, her eyes wide as saucers. “Marry him.” Emily laughs. “Are you high?” “Think about it. You never have to worry about a thing in your life. The man is successful, loaded, and — not to mention — fucking gorgeous. And he’s nice to old people. So he clearly has a heart….” Julia goes on hyping up Miguel based on the extensive Google search she conducted when they arrived home from the alumni event. Of course, everything she found about Miguel and the Galindos was a carefully designed public relations project only showing the family’s legal businesses and involvement in philanthropy. Emily looks around her and feels sick. All these flowers going to the seniors at the retirement home — does Miguel actually care about them or is it just a superficial gesture to make it seem like he has a heart? “…Okay, Em. I’m not saying you can’t be a lawyer and a self-made independent woman. Yay girl power.” Julia pumps her fist up in the air but her expression lacks the enthusiasm to make it convincing. “But think about not having to worry about money or climbing the ladder and having to prove yourself to all these men with penises for brains.” “Jules, I like Miguel. But I’m not dating him for his —” she shakes her head. What they’re doing can’t really be called dating because they’ve only talked on the phone and sent messages and emails. They’ve only seen each other once and that was the night they met. “— I’m not interested in his money.” “You can’t say that it’s not tempting.”

It’s not one delivery person who picks up the flowers; it’s a whole team of them who are in and out of the apartment in under five minutes. When they’re finished, a man in a suit appears at the hallway. He carries with him a bottle of wine and another card from his boss. Julia happily takes the bottle and pours two glasses, clearly enjoying the privileges of her roommate being wooed by a Galindo.

Emily, Enjoy girls’ night with your roommate. Tell her you’ll be too busy to hang out tomorrow. Miguel

Emily ignores the offered wine glass as she storms into her room, slamming the door behind her. She reaches for her phone and types out the message, hitting send before she can reconsider and chicken out from telling him what’s really on her mind. “Awfully presumptuous of you to think I’d be too busy to hang out with Julia tomorrow night.” She huffs as she slumps down the floor, her head thrown back on the edge of the mattress. Her phone dings within seconds and it’s a message from Miguel. “May I take you out for an overdue date tomorrow night?” Another blue speech bubble appears before she’s even read the last word. “Please.” Emily sets the phone face down and groans. Outside, she can hear Julia turn up the music and yell at her to come join her free-wine celebratory dance party. Picking her phone up, she types her response and hits send. “What should I wear?” Three dots appear on the screen and she waits for over a minute only for it to disappear. She’s resigned to muttering under her breath, calling this whole thing stupid and silly when her phone alerts her again to a new message. It’s Miguel and he’s not only texted her back, but he’s also sent a picture of himself leaning back on a leather office chair, his tie loosened and top few buttons undone. His hair’s a bit unkempt and his normally clean-shaven face now sports a five-o’clock shadow that she’s very much fond of. Very. Much. Underneath the picture are the words “surprise me.”

It’s impossible to sleep that night. Splitting the bottle of wine with Julia doesn’t help in sedating her because all she feels is buzzed with excitement and anxiety. She’s seeing Miguel tomorrow. They’ve talked almost every other night. They text all day like teenagers with smart phones for an extra limb. But who knows what it’ll be like when they’re physically in the same place? The last time they were together, they met for the first time and kissed. What are his expectations for this date? What are hers? Is she ready to sleep with him? She rifles through her closet for something to wear. A lot of her nicer dresses are for professional events so they’re tailored to fit her body, but she doesn’t think they’re sexy enough. They’re a little too librarian, she thinks. Miguel said to surprise her, and she knows he didn’t say ‘wear something sexy’, but what else could he mean? It’s half past seven in the morning when she wakes up on a pile of clothes. Her phone alarm is going off but she’s misplaced the damn thing. She groans when she realizes the muffled noise must mean it’s somewhere underneath all her dresses that are now wrinkled and even more unsuitable for her date tonight. When she finally unearths her phone and stops the alarm, she sees there’s one new message from Miguel. “No pude evitarlo. Enjoy your breakfast.” When Emily opens her bedroom door, she finds Julia pulling out take-out containers from a brown paper bag. They open up to reveal breakfast chilaquiles and tacos — still hot like they were freshly made in a chef’s kitchen not too far from their building. “I could really get used to this boyfriend of yours.” Emily sighs as she takes one of the containers and begins to dig into the food. “That’s what I’m afraid of,” she says, even though the first bite has her mentally praising him for doing really well by choosing to send her a Mexican breakfast. It fills her nostalgia bar and makes her miss home, but she ignores all the other thoughts and memories that start to creep back in. Later that morning, as she’s heading out to work in casual Friday jeans and a plain white t-shirt, she shoots a quick message to Miguel, “You’ve ruined Taco Bell for my roommate.” “It’s a responsibility I take very seriously.”

Work is strangely busy that day — so busy she almost forgets about her date with Miguel, which works out because it helps her stay focused on her job. It’s not until one of the case managers stops by her desk that she’s reminded of her plans on a Friday night. Julia would be so proud if she wasn’t at the apartment still sleeping off her hangover. The co-worker who stops by is a middle-aged woman, who only ever wears cat-eye glasses and vintage 50s-style dresses in the brightest colors. “Emily, right?” She reaches over the cubicle wall to offer a handshake. “I’m Bettina from case management. I don’t think we’ve formally met.” “No, we haven’t,” Emily says as she shakes her hand. “But I’m glad to finally meet you.” “I just wanted to say thank you.” “Thank you? For what?” Bettina raises a brow. “For the flowers… I was visiting my grandmother at the retirement home when they got a massive delivery of hydrangeas. The nurse said they were from you.” “Oh…” Emily’s eyes widen as she recalls the flowers spilling all over her apartment and how that must’ve looked arriving en masse to the retirement home. She feels her cheeks flush at the thought of all these people thinking she’s some kind of saint for sending flowers to all these elderly people. “It wasn’t really from me.” “No?” “It’s a long story,” she begins to explain. “Some guy who was kind of excessive with the flowers.” Bettina smiles impishly. “Well, aren’t you a lucky girl.”

From: M.Galindo@GalindoEnterprises.com To: emily.thomas@cornell.edu Doesn’t work end at five?

From: emily.thomas@cornell.edu To: M.Galindo@GalindoEnterprises.com It does…. Why?

From: M.Galindo@GalindoEnterprises.com To: emily.thomas@cornell.edu It’s fifteen after and you’re still working.

From: emily.thomas@cornell.edu To: M.Galindo@GalindoEnterprises.com That’s creepy. How do you know I’m still working?

From: M.Galindo@GalindoEnterprises.com To: emily.thomas@cornell.edu Turn off your computer, go outside, and find out.

Emily makes him wait. It’s true -- she’s finishing up some work, but it’s work that can wait until Monday. Nonetheless, she makes him wait another fifteen minutes if, indeed, he is outside as she suspects. Inside, she’s bursting with excitement, but she’s trying her best to keep calm and composed while she fills in the last blanks on the form before hitting the submit button. Logging out of the system, she starts collecting her things, sliding some of the items on her desk into a weathered brown tote. She silently curses herself when she eyeballs herself in a small mirror on her desk. She unties her hair from its messy bun and smooths the wrinkles out of her t-shirt. It’s only then she notices a faint orange stain from the popsicle she had for lunch.

There’s a pang of disappointment when the elevator reaches the lobby of the building and Miguel is nowhere to be found. She pushes the doors open, her head lowered to shield her eyes from the sun beating down her face. She’s reaching into her bag for her sunglasses when she catches a glimpse of a man leaning against a cherry-red convertible. “Hi.” She blinks back at him, not sure if it’s because he looks good dressed down in jeans and a white button-down with the sleeves rolled up, or if it’s because the sun’s rays are obscuring her vision. “I caught an earlier flight,” he says with a sheepish smile as he pushes himself off the car. “I hope you don’t mind.” “No… uh, hi.” Miguel meets her at the middle of the sidewalk, his body shielding the sun behind him. As he lowers his aviators, his smile widens. “Worth the wait.” Her breath hitches in her throat, her heart pounding.    Emily leans up and kisses him, palms flat on his chest. Miguel isn’t expecting it so he’s knocked back a step, but he quickly takes hold of her waist to help steady himself. She moans into the kiss when his fingertips dig a little deeper, finding warm skin and straining to do more than kissing on a public sidewalk would allow. She pulls away, chest rising and falling and heart racing a mile a minute. He doesn’t let go of her waist as he laughs softly before he kisses the shell of her ear. “Let’s get out of here.”

He’s a gentleman. The night they met, he gave her his jacket to keep her warm. Tonight, he holds the door open for her, taking her hand as she slides onto the passenger seat. Emily takes a deep breath to quiet the restless thoughts running through her mind. All of those reservations she had about him that were so easy to ignore when he was far away — all of them come back as she takes in the scent of expensive leather. It’s not the money that tempts her. It���s the danger of where that money comes from; it’s the excitement in the dark look in his eyes. Miguel slides into the driver’s side and sticks the key with the yellow horse into the ignition. And as the engine comes to life, it roars.

Ithaca is no longer quiet in the summer.

[sootonthecarpet]

Hey feel free to ignore but uh. You seem like a guy who has sex? And I was wondering if you had any good resources abt safe sex etc esp from a trans friendly angle? I recently started dating my bf and it's both of our first relationships ever (in our mid 20s lol) so we want to eventually Do It but we're taking our time and trying to be safe about it and I kinda feel like I don't even fully know what I don't know??? They also seem to have more just baseline knowledge abt this stuff than me and I don't want to seem like I'm not taking things seriously or something :/

(Also if I can complain for like 5 seconds it's super frustrating how all the info online seems to be that condoms should be everywhere and super easy to find but I literally haven't seen any since my high school library was giving them out half a decade ago!!!! Like I've been trying gas stations corner stores etc and I just don't see them idk if I'm just missing them or looking in the wrong place or what 😡😭 /rant over)

hey, congrats! it's really cool that you and your bf are getting to figure this stuff out together! i don't think you happening to know less to start off with would make you look frivolous, not your fault it's hard to find good honest useful sex ed info right now, and you seem like you're being totally thoughtful about this! going slow and doing research is good, imo it's a good idea to be upfront with your bf about feeling like they know more than you--it can be really weird to feel less aware than ur partner about like Anything, and talking it out so you know what their expectations towards you are can help a lot, plus sometimes you find out they've been feeling the same way. I am always saying to talk about it to em though.

I know a decent chunk about safe sex but it's been gathered up piecemeal rather than from like, specific, recommendable resources, so I can give pointers in theory (guess you can ask me specific questions if you have any? if I can't answer I can always look em up) but it's harder to point you along to a proper source of info. i must have read Primed at some point, and it goes around posts on here a lot, but I don't really remember firsthand how useful or comprehensive it was, beyond being a resource booklet aimed at male couples involving at least one trans guy. I'm sure there are a lot of other guides at this point, too! but I'm not really sure how to find em, off the top of my head. I feel like I learned a surprising amount about partnered sex and safe sex practices from reading sex toy review blogs (thoughtful longform stuff in the vein of heyepiphora).

this is kinda silly but it helped me back in the day; wikipedia has a lot of articles on sex acts (and different kinds of contraceptives and barriers, source links here can get you to VERY useful info on em!!!) and I feel like they may help you wrap your head around stuff you may not have much context on. like even just the 'sex positions' article is like, a decent starter place--it uses heteronormative language intermittently and VERY cisnormative language throughout + has a fair amount of chaff, but it's also a remarkably comprehensive list of all kinds of configurations for penetrative and non-penetrative sex, & even describes how simpler acts like frottage and mutual masturbation can work (which often gets skipped over 😭). it's kinda crap if you have to juggle like, physical disabilities or the ways that fatness can change how two people's bodies interact, and includes a lot of obscure, back-hurty-lookin penetrative sex positions that get disproportionate use in porn, but it can definitely be a good jumping off point for poking around online for more info, or introduce you to new concepts/bolster your faith in your interest in something you were thinking about but weren't sure was A Thing People Actually Do In Bed.

also akxlaldf listen about half the condoms I've used in my Life came from a huge amount of free ones I accumulated in one summer like nine years ago (volunteered at an LGBT center and would take one or two home from the free bin every day, plus got a big bag of freebies at a transmarch) like ??? I do see em in stores in my area, but they can be so weirdly annoying to find when you're actually looking for em. if you can online order, most sex toy sites (like shebop or goodvibes or whatever the fuck) will also sell condoms in singles and multipacks (& usually a lot more kinds than you'd find in a store, which can make it nice if you're specifically needing to find unlubricated, flavored, bigger ones, latex free, etc).

but yeah feel free to message if you have specific questions, I wish I could provide better info off the bat 😆 also some extremely miscellaneous stuff that's like, entry level but still worth repeating: it's helpful and common to like, pop a pillow under your hips to improve your angle (wedge pillows are your friend if you happen to have one around) or grab a footstool to even out heights if you're doing something standing up, stuff like that. you can nab a cushion or kneepads if anyone's gonna be kneeling on a hard surface too. a longer strap-on can be helpful when figuring out positioning, so you don't need to get your pelvises as close together to make it work. talk stuff over ahead of time if you can, both to get more familiar with what you and your partners' wants are and to help sketch out some approximate boundaries ahead of time. sex toys are a great convenience, but get 'body safe' materials if you can; silicone, metal, glass, and most hard plastic toys can all be sterilized; PVC rubber, 'jelly' toys and ones made out of what's often called cyberskin or sexflesh or stuff like that (TPE, thermoplastic elastomer) can't, and some may let off harmful chemicals like phthalates (or just plain disconcerting oils and aromas) as the plastic breaks down. (if you're goin for it anyway? PVC holds up ok but is a bit stiff, TPE feels luxurious but rips SOOO easy, and I've never bothered with jelly.)

there's never any shame in finding certain sex acts, or just certain elements of intimacy, overwhelming or stressful! your like process of developing a sexual awareness and skill set doesn't have to follow any set pattern, and you and your bf are always allowed to make concessions to be sure your n their own boundaries and needs are met (I get overwhelmed easily on a sensory level, and I had a long term relationship where I wore gloves almost every time I fingered my partner bc the mix of textures was a lot for me at the time, regardless of how we swapped fluids regularly).

you probably heard this one before a whole bunch, but i legally can't let u go without saying that peeing after sex as soon as you're ready to get up is a VERY good idea, regardless of your anatomy--it flushes out your urethra, which helps reduce your risk of getting a urinary tract infection (which isn't rly about if the sex was protected or not--it's just easy for bacteria from other places on your own body to be introduced to your urethra during sex, regardless of ur partner's saliva/fluids.) no shame if it doesn't work, I got a uti from jackin it once, stuff happens! which brings me to my conclusion, which is that u gotta always keep in mind how weird and awkward and funny sex is and that it's normal and good for it to be all those things. excited for u! wishing u well.

[preservationandruin]

Oathbringer Liveblog: Interludes Three

Our spread this time is Venli, Mem, and Sheler. We don’t know who all of these are, but Venli is back again. 

I yell about Parshendi gender and gender in general (listen. listen. gender is fake), we get a look into Mraize’s house staff, a motherfucker makes a real big mistake in the Herdazian army, we get a beautiful inversion of traditional mythological imagery, and I love Timbre. 

Odium’s grand purpose for Venli meant turning her into a showpiece. 

So this is great. She’s basically telling the Parshmen and Voidbringers about what the humans did to the Parshendi. Her new form is called “envoyform” and it’s very tall, and gives her the ability to speak and understand all languages. She’s telling a version of the story that emphasizes that the Alethi feared that the Parshendi would cause an uprising among the Parshmen and they couldn’t stand having “slaves” who could think. 

Not strictly true, but I highly doubt that wasn’t going across Alethi minds. Odium is giving the parshmen an origin myth through her--the listeners were the last of a generations, sacrificing themselves to free their enslaved brothers and sisters. The narrative is that Venli is the last of the Listeners. 

Well, there’s Rlain, too, but she doesn’t know that. Anyway, Odium--like Gavilar--is portraying the Listeners as dead, dying, gone “into the songs,” an artifact, and fragment. That’s such bullshit. They were a living, breathing culture, not a fragmentary setpiece to be played with as a talking point. 

Interestingly, Venli notes that the Alethi parshmen act very much like the Alethi. I’ll bet that has something to do with like, Connection? Like how Dalinar can figure out how people speak. Anyway. It’s been too long since I’ve read the Mistborn Two series to remember the specifics of like, the connection medallions. 

So we get the strata of Voidbringer society--lowest are the normal Singers, then are Regals like Venli, who have bonded a Voidspren, then at the top we have the Fused. 

Also, the fact that all the eligible fighting men were sent off to war has made conquering Alethkar much easier for the Voidbringers. She notes that the Parshmen still have far to go--they need to be instructed about the Rhythms, they act like humans, they call Regals “Brightness.” 

That lopsided dress looked ridiculous. There was no reason to distinguish between genders except in mateform. 

THEN WHY DO YOU GENDER YOURSELVES EVEN WHEN OUT OF IT??? WHY DON’T GENDERS ONLY APPLY TO MATEFORM?? WHY DOES EVERY CULTURE IN THE COSMERE STILL HAVE A MASSIVE LEAN TOWARD THE GENDER BINARY WHEN NOT EVEN EVERY HUMAN CULTURE IN OUR WORLD USED IT?? /nonbinary rant over

The Fused are still around; they’re dismissive of the singers and even the Regals. Also, we get that some of the Fused are just...very, very broken. One stares unblinking and always grins. 

Venli points out that they’ll need human slaves if they want the land to actually be productive, but Rine--one of the Fused--points out that any human could be a Surgebinder. Also, we get that Parshendi do have gemhearts--they are almost bone-colored, and gorgeous in Venli’s estimation. 

Also, the Voidbringers don’t know how the humans bond spren and more strongly than the Voidbringers do, without a gemheart. Rine believes that they need to be exterminated. 

Anyway, Venli hears--distantly--the Rhythm of the Lost. 

She’d always hated the Alethi, who had acted like they were benevolent parents encountering wild children to be educated. They had pointedly ignored the culture and advancements of Venli’s people, eyeing only the hunting grounds of the greatshells that they--because of translation errors--decided must be the listeners’ gods. 

Absolutely fair, Venli. She points out that despite the airs of the Alethi, the only reason they could manage art and beautiful things was because they,  unlike the Parshendi, had the resources. 

Venli has been keeping the little cometspren in a pouch with her gemstones. it likes exploring rooms, and pulses awe at everything. I love it and want thirty of them. It keeps pulsing out little bits of rhythms--awe, curiosity. Venli notes that she can hear the old rhythms, and asks if that’s because of the spren, and it pulses to Resolve. 

“What are you hoping to accomplish? Your kind betrayed us. Go find a human to bother.”  It shrank further. Then pulsed to Resolve again. 

I love it. 

Over to Mem. They--whoever they are--are doing laundry. She’s going into the intricacies of getting blood and grease out of fabric without fading the color--which, especially before modern washing and drying, clearly was a bitch and a half. She’s Veden, it sounds like. Pom, her new assistant, is apparently gorgeous. 

Women like Pom didn’t usually end up as washgirls, though she did tend to stare daggers at any man who got too close. Maybe that was it. 

Harold...

Oh, she works for Mraize! That explains why there are bizarre bloodstains on his clothes. Anyway, they go in to a room with Mraize’s stuff--including tapestries of the Heralds--and Pom goes strange. And then attacks one of the tapestries with a knife. 

HELLO, SHALASH!! 

I was wondering if she would show up again. Anyway, Mraize is surprisingly chill about it--apparently, he was trying to draw her out. 

“Ancient one, would you care for something to drink?”  Pom narrowed her eyes at him, then hopped off the chair. She walked quickly to Mraize and used one hand on his chest to push him aside. She pulled open the door.  “I know where Talenelat is,” Mraize said.  Pom froze. 

Oh man. Apparently, whatever was in Mraize’s suit was called aether, and he praises Mem highly, approves a huge raise for her, and says she’s a genius. 

He’s dangerous and strange and amoral, but damn, I can’t help but like Mraize. 

Back over to Venli. She’s being carried over the land by the Fused, and thinking about how much Eshonai would have liked this. Venli, on the other hand, appears to get airsickness. They’ve reached Kholinar, so this will be interesting. 

If any of these motherfuckers hurt Gavinor I will be furious. He’s three and he’s been through enough. 

Apparently, here she’ll be truly practicing her oratory. 

We skip again, to Sheler, being told that he has three choices by a herdazian general.  I LOVE HERDAZIAN JUSTICE LISTEN TO THIS: 

“You have three choices.” The general’s manacles clinked as he twisted his hands in them. “First, you can choose the sword. Now, that might be a clean death. A good beheading rarely hurts. Unfortunately, it won’t be a headsman who gets the chance with you. We’ll give the sword to the women you abused. Each gets a hack, one after another. How long it goes will depend on them.”  “This is outrageous!” Sheler said. “I’m a lighteyes of the fifth dahn! I’m cousin to the highlord himself and--”  “Second option,” the general said, “is the hammer. We break your legs and arms, then hang you from the cliff by the ocean. You might last until the storm that way, but it will be miserable.” 

Apparently, this asshole was caught robbing and murdering civilians, and also raping women (“a resistance is not what we caught you mounting.”). So I have zero sympathy for him. 

Anyway, the third option is “the hog.” You get greased, and you wrestle a hog. Apparently, you don’t die if you do this. Of course, Lighteyed Shithead goes for that one, although I was hoping for the sword. 

Oh. Sheler was in Amaram’s army. No wonder he’s a horrible person. 

Obviously, the Herdazian general was too frightened to actually kill an Alethi officer. So they would humiliate him by making him wrestle a pig. They’d have a good laugh, then send him away smarting. Idiots. He’d come back with an army.

They chain him to a wall, douse him in oil,  and then the fun starts. 

“I’d say ‘good luck,’ boss,” the Herdazian soldier told Sheler as his companion ran off, “but I’ve got three marks on you not lasting a full minute. Still, who knows. When the general was chained down here, he got out in less.”  The ocean started to churn. “Of course,” the soldier said, “the general likes this kind of thing. He’s a little weird.”  The soldier dashed back up the bank, leaving Sheler locked in place, doused in pungent oil, and gaping as an enormous claw broke the surface of the ocean. Perhaps “the hog” was more of a nickname. 

This is the best inversion of “chain a young woman to a beach for the sea monster to eat/ravish in a weird twisted rape metaphor” (I’ve. read papers on the sexual undertones of these myths)--”chain a sexual predator to the beach and take bets on whether he survives.” 

Back over to Venli. She’s named her little spren Timbre, which is adorable, and I love it. It explores every corner of every room it’s allowed--it’s a little explorer. Just like Eshonai was. 

Anyway, Venli is kept to a stormshelter outside of Kholinar, not allowed to leave. She wants to go explore the city. Venli has to tell Timbre to stay inside, because the Fused want to kill it and ones like it. 

Meaning it almost certainly can be a Radiant spren. I love Timbre! 

Venli rested her head on her arms. “I feel like a relic,” she whispered. “Already I seem like a cast-off ruin from a nearly forgotten day. Are you the reason I feel like that, suddenly? I only get this way when I let you out.”

Timbre starts to pulse to Pleading and Peace, as Venli thinks about Eshonai, and Demid. Everyone who worried about her ambition. Who died, in the end, because of her ambition. 

“I’m the wrong one,” Venli said to Annoyance. “I can’t do this, Timbre. I can’t resist him.”  Pleading. “I made this happen,” She said to Fury. “Don’t you realize that? I’m the one who caused all this. Don’t plead to me!” 

Annoyance and fury at Timbre, or at herself? 

But Timbre sticks to resolve, and--for the first time--we get a gendered pronoun--”she.” Hm. 

Timbre hides under the bed from Everstorms ahhhh I love her so much. 

Anyway, the Everstorm comes around every nine days--the Odium number again. Odium doesn’t like it when she closes the window during Everstorms. 

How long can you keep being two people, Venli? She seemed to hear Eshonai’s voice. How long will you vacillate? 

A good question, Ghost Eshonai. Anyway, Venli is now talking directly to Odium. He says she isn’t telling the story well enough, and as she speaks to him she is literally being burned apart. He threatens to destroy her if she keeps being distracted. 

Yikes. Doesn’t sound like a nice boss, Venli. Not that we expected him to be. She wakes and her fingers are bleeding from how she’s clawed at the stones. Yikes. Timbre pulls her out of her horror by humming Peace, but Venli can’t hum it herself. 

The wrong sister had died. The wrong sister lived.  Venli had schemed to return their gods.  This was her reward. 

Ouch. 

[allbeendonebefore]

What are your headcanons for British Columbia?

ok so disclaimer here is that i’m a fake british columbian even though i kind of sort of live there, i live on the island and the majority of my bc friends are from the coast and not the interior so most of what i can say about the interior is ‘i have driven through it a lot’ but i’ll do my best.

- on that subject bc is like… layers of depth that most people don’t see. lots of people just brush her off as a flaky ditz who is never paying attention to the rest of the country but i seriously feel she’s got a lot of Depth and a lot of spiky barbed inner monologues. She’s really geographically and emotionally impenetrable and doesn’t really let you in on what she is thinking or will do something unpredictable.

- like i don’t think people really get how contradictory bc is? its a climate of extremes that has a reputation for being mellow, its a place that is “liberal” where the Liberals are in reality worse than the alberta pcs (LOL WHAT AN ELECTION I TELL YOU), it’s a place that’s one of the resource-richest provinces in the country that makes it impossible for its own citizens to afford… etc. I think a lot about things like this when I think about how her personality works- she’s not necessarily finicky, she’s layered.

- bc has a reputation for being different than the rest of canada and its absolutely true. like as the second most western province we still tend to think of ab/sk and maybe mb depending on our mood as ‘western canada’ and bc as ‘and bc’. She’s the sort of person who Always goes her own way and makes her decisions on her own, she’s more outward looking than the others for sure.

- worst driver. Hands down. Terrible. everyone blames AB for it but it’s her, the only thing ralphie is worse at is parking. 

- if she can’t see the mountains she feels naked and exposed and can’t stay too far out of sight of the mountains or she goes Nuts

- she probably lives in a relatively modern and expensive house- everything is immaculate, she has a lot of interesting artefacts and souvenirs around her house, her garden is manicured and perfect and everything smells like cedar but it also gives you the distinct impression that no one actually lives there. Looks more like a gallery because she’s trying to support local (esp indigenous) artists. no basement. cute car port and shed rather than a garage.

- she finds emotional attachments really Difficult. like it’s just genuinely hard to tell whether she likes you or not because she can be kind of backhanded or condescending even when she’s expressing genuine fondness. She makes a huge deal about being a romantic place but doesn’t really fall for anyone easily, either she gets bored or she doesn’t want to lose a friendship or w/e

- like for someone who makes a big deal about being compassionate for animals and nature she really doesn’t feel that much compassion for people- or rather, when she does it’s not easy for her to express to them

- There’s an ongoing joke that BC stands for “Bring Cash” and its absolutely true. If you want a chance with her/to impress her you have to spend like you mean it. Its not that she’s high mainten- yes she is definitely high maintenance

- Makes a big deal out of being interesting and fun but when she’s at home alone she just sits around in her underwear under a huge pile of blankets/a snuggie and watches the Beachcombers. possibly while high.

- ‘is this matcha’ ‘does it have matcha in it’ [pouring sugar in her tea] ‘matcha is like… sooo good for you… i don’t even [pouring milk and honey in her tea] like this is just so refreshing you know [more sugar]

- you know that scene in scott pilgrim where ramona reads out her entire tea cupboard to him and some of them sound made up, that’s bc. come to think of it she really is a manic pixie dream girl but one who is merciless and apathetic and could probably easily wreck you

- tea snob, the sort of person who is like ‘coffee is like so bad for you it stresses you out man’ but also a coffee snob who can’t wake up in the morning without it so its a lose-lose situation for you

- definitely volunteered with greenpeace in the 70s lol

- ‘ya i live in vancouver’ - actually lives in like PoCoMo or whatever

- once called the spoiled child of confederation and she hasn’t let that go, she probably has it embossed on a trophy somewhere in her giant collection of trophies that she has on display in the fame gua of her perfect feng shui living room

- she only makes a big deal out of ‘canadian’ things when it makes her money, she actually feels very cut off from the rest of the country but will Always appear immediately when there is a competition of any kind because she’s The Best.

- grew up extremely fast. in my mind she represents ‘ (lower) mainland bc’ while the island i represent with victoria as shorthand- they had to move in together to save money and both of them really dragged their feet about it. She’s still kind of wary about the island ditching for independence again but doesn’t REALLY take it seriously. Is the youngest of the provinces but does her best not to act like it.

- actually super confrontational like she will be doing yoga on a rock as the tide is coming in and be One With The Universe and you could be walking past her and say ‘actually vancouver’s kind of overrated’ and she will dive in the ocean and rise out of the water covered in sea onions and seaweed and barnacles like a horror movie and be like “wHaT dId YoU SaY AbOuT mE!”

- exactly the sort of person to get a tattoo in another language that vaguely is correct but actually grammatically Off like… you grow up with people like Amor de Cosmos and this is what you get

- not actually gluten or lactose intolerant, just likes being morally superior (’and like… almond milk just tastes better yknow more wholesome’)

- that person who always ends up with people mooching off her or crashing at her place- she doesn’t actually mind too much, she’s just frustrated that people only seem to come bother her when it’s convenient for them. But she doesn’t like to admit when she’s feeling lonely so i mean… xD

- also really into ghosts and spooky things. she goes along with bert/yk to hunt sasquatsch and externally rolls her eyes the whole time but tbh she has honestly seen sasquatsch like 10 times and has all the blurry photos to prove it. Same with ogopogo. 

- goes into woowoo new age stores and spends hours looking at tarot decks and crystals and incense. judges you based on your astrological signs.

- has proposed moving in with kate like 3 times but gets rejected every time lmao

- firm believer that tea solves everything. emotionally compromised? hot leaf juice. emotionally compromised during summer? cold leaf juice. eat an entire fruit. eat ten fruits. decorate with kale. eat the decorative kale. got herbs? make rosemary tea. stain all your dishes yellow and make turmeric tea. literally down an entire jar of capers, idgaf. 

- she likes to make her backpack as heavy as she can, blast her own music so everyone can hear it, then schlep it all up a mountain. set everything down and turn it off, sit high up and alone with her little hibachi grill and eat salmon, watch the ravens. paint something on a giant leaf. smoke a joint. look at the ocean. whatever. 

- i think exercise is her replacement for emotionally connecting with people. she rides her bike white knuckled through the rain up a hill and loses feeling in her fingers and zooms back down. Pushes herself to adrenaline rush, always trying to get better, better. 

- i say a lot about her not really connecting with people but at the same time shes the sort of person that… when you’re in crisis mode and you’re under a literal or a figurative avalanche, she will spot you, grab you and pull you straight up out of it with one arm by the scruff of your neck. She’s actually really generous at heart but has just become kind of closed off after being taken advantage of too many times. Will take you home and dry you off and make a big meal for you and wait for you to tell her what’s wrong.

- I don’t know if she actually owns a boat-boat, but definitely kayaks a lot. long boards. surfs.  

- hates BC ferries with an unholy passion, like… that’s a way to trigger a rant right there

- slaps I

- her low tolerance for cold is exaggerated. her high tolerance for cold + wet should be Feared. 

- has her hidden rednecky side. makes a big deal out of being vegan and w/e but does go hunting and dirt biking once in a while, knows her way around a stick shift etc. Dunno if she really drives that much - probably has invested in electric cars before but kind of dissatisfied with how much she can actually do with them re: steep hills, roadtrips, etc. 

- has had to deal with a lot of paranoia, racism, etc in the past that she struggles to reconcile. really learning to take pride in herself again, i think she’s chinese/british, yeah but there’s also some first nations heritage too that factors into her mixed identity. 

- in official positions she might skip french and go straight to mandarin/canto if the job is bilingual, not that she doesnt like french she just Forgets xD. 

i feel like i’ve been talking all day so i’ll stop there but feel free to ask for elaboration or something i guess

[ringsofsaturn-heatofmars-blog]

Thinking about Zhong Chenle on 7/25/19

Here’s a story for you. 

I’m sure you all know what racism and cultural appropriation is. Yes? Okay. We’ve got that out of the way. 

Do you know when it’s silly and unjust to make claims about it? Because some people don’t. 

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Mars: NCT Dream's comeback... Did. You. See it?

Saturn: NO. I'M NOT READY. I'M TRYING TO POSTPONE IT BECAUSE I WANT TO LIVE!!!!! just spoiler a little so I know what waits for me......

Mars: Haechan being Haechan, not-so-baby Jisung, artist Renjun, boxer Jeno, vocalist Jaemin, and precious, smiley Chenle. bUT THEN ALSO- HOT CHENLE, AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, BECAUSE HE'S MY SON THAT I'VE WATCHED GROW UP SO MUCH. Also, people making a big deal out of Chenle's hair because the stylists decided to put it in a "scandal-worthy" hair style. 😒 Like- Chenle's not even out of his teens yet. Can you leave him alone? It's the same thing that happened to Chris (Stray Kids) a little while ago. It's ridiculous.

Saturn: .... don't. Touch. Chenle. Or I kill everyone. MY BABY IS UNTOUCHABLE. My god, people always find something to complain about. They can't enjoy anything. ANYTHING. I want to punch someone.

Mars: I know! It's terrible! It also feel so targeted, since he's a foreign member. Like- people! He doesn't have to prove himself to you. And even if he DID, he's earned his place ten times over!

Saturn: I swear, I activated "instant killer mood". First of all... IT'S JUST BRAIDS. B R A I D S. They ALWAYS do shit like this. Always. It's tiring and as you said, he doesn't have to prove anything.

Mars: I totally agree with you! They're b r a i d s. People shouldn't be so touchy with things like that! I think the first thing that people think is that it's "disrespectful" to the black race because it's a hairstyle that a lot of black people have, but I don’t see anything bad to try a hairstyle. As I said, it's not his choice what his hairstyle is, but even if it WAS, people couldn't stop him from having it! If he wanted it, he could have it. It's his body, not ours.

Saturn: I know black people have a lot of issues with this (not have the freedom to do their hair like they want) but fuck, it's just braids. At least once in a lifetime everyone just braid their hair... so THE WORLD IS FUCKED? I don't think so, it's just a hairstyle. Say it louder please, maybe others will understand. I'm so pissed because I know him, he'll feel guilty FOR NOTHING. babe, you're okay okay? You're perfect.

Mars: Exactly! I don't think it's something to get up-in-arms about. Like- Chenle wearing braids isn't him saying, "I think black people should be slaves again". It's JUST hair. When did the world become so petty as to care so much about a hairstyle? Style can be changed, but the impact you make on people's hearts with cruel words can't be changed. In the end, we're all just people. Flesh and bones. We all live, we all eat, we all drink, we all all breathe, we all die. We're just going about it at our own pace. But life is short, so I greatly pity people that use their short time on this planet to stir up trouble and make others feel bad.

Saturn: You have perfectly explained the point. I think it's the social medias fault and how generations have grown differently. Ignorance is the icing on the cake. They complain about a hairstyle but they don't talk about problems in Syria or that every 3 seconds a child gets sick of AIDS in Africa. I mean... I'm not saying that they should be political/environmental/etc activists (or if they are, it’s good! Trying to change the world is wonderful) but at least don't fake to be someone who cares about a race when maybe you're the first to see a POC and make racist remarks. Hypocrisy, I think this is the exact term to express contemporary society! Social media worsened the situation 'cause they give the courage to the rabbits to pretend to be lions and attack others without really putting their face on it.

Mars: I completely agree with you. The analogy at the end was perfect. "Rabbits trying to be lions". People are filled with bravado these days, and it would be so much better if people just took a step back and realized themselves. It's okay not to be super aggressive and into everyone's business. Focus on yourself, and maybe you'll find that you're a much nicer person than society makes you. People really do feed of of each other's energy, so I think it's a good goal to spread as many positive vibes as you possible can in your lifetime.

Saturn: Unfortunately, society inculcates ideas, ideals, situations that they consider right but that unfortunately are not. We live in a world of fiction where popularity is based on likes to a photo and not to the kindness that maybe someone showed to a needy lady. It's horrifying to see how static and cold we have become, don't you think? As you say we should all think about ourselves, improve ourselves and then see how the world improves as a result.

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Now clearly, neither of us are black. Neither of us know what it’s like to be black, but we know what it’s like to be people. And guess what, all people go through some really bad crap at some point in their life. They go through death, pain and weakness in mind and body—we all feel pain, just the same; race, skin-color, culture or language set aside. 

If someone speaks English and someone else speaks Japanese, that doesn’t make them less likely to connect as people. They could have loads in common. It just means that it takes a little more effort to understand, because there’s a certain barrier in the way. Language. But! That doesn’t stop the people, once they’ve come to understand each other a little more, from being friends. 

I think we could all use that. A little more understanding. Not such a sudden hop, skip and jump to judge. It’s like the universe’s habit. 

Now, it’s easy enough to bring up the past of slavery, and that’s true. That’s not going away, what has happened in the past. But guess what. As a Caucasian person, I don’t have slaves. My parents didn’t have slaves. My grandparents didn’t have slaves. My great-grandparents didn’t have slaves, and neither did my great-great-grandparents. 

I’m a ballroom dancer, and a great percentage of my partners are black, and they’re lovely people that I adore dancing with, and they’ve never once held a grudge or said a bad word to me. We’re friends.  

We’re all too stuck living in the past, and we keep pushing each other around because of it. We’re nothing better than playground bullies, and I hope there comes a point in time when we can stop. 

I’m not doing this to sound preachy or pretend I know everything about the world. I’m just sharing the knowledge I have in my head and expressing my opinions. Whether or not I’m right or wrong is up to everyone else’s opinions.

Believe it or not, this whole thing—this whole rant—is just because I, and we, love, adore and appreciate Zhong Chenle of NCT Dream. See? Now that’s a connection.

~Rant by Mars 

As for the situation of black people regarding their freedom to use a certain type of hairstyle, yes it makes me very angry. I know some girls with wonderful hair who have to ruin it with iron flats and products. It’s unfair, on this I agree perfectly with those who raise the issue. 

I don’t agree, however, in attacking a person who has no say in what unfortunately must wear (or in this case the hairstyle). Anyone who has made negative comments, offending Chenle is equal to those who call a child with down syndrome an abominion or who insult a girl just because she may have a better job than his boyfriend. 

The point is, Chenle is a Chinese guy in Korea. This is already a huge problem, because he found himself faced with a huge linguistic and cultural barrier to deal with in order to realize his dream. He fought hard to get that job. Sleepless nights, hours of practice, not being able to see his family, being alone. Now you will say "This has nothing to do with wearing cornrows, which like any hairstyle in the tribes represented a social status, since he isn’t a black person”. 

It has something to do with it, you're just being racist. 

Social, political, cultural racism. Racism lives in every single situation and unfortunately we are aware of it, but we don’t act on every situation that provides for it. How you insult white people who wears an African hairstyle (when black people are unable to do so) isn’t right. It would be right to insult the system. The system that has forced people with FREEDOM to be deprived of them. 

Chenle is as deprived of freedom as a POC is deprived of wearing a hairstyle or is seen as a gangster just because of the color of her/his skin. 

I'm Italian and those few times I've gone abroad the only thing I've heard is "Oh, the mafia!" As if my nationality was unavoidable by what crime has committed. But no one defended me. Why? Because I’m a Caucasian person. My skin is white. So I am untouchable to them and every offence is right? No.  We live in a world where offenses have become free, where society imposes ideals and people must absolutely follow them, where people who think with their heads are labeled as "weird”. 

We should be kind, honest and open-minded. We should offer our hand not to spit on the other. We should. It's scary, but at this rate we'll kill ourselves for a simple look instead of hugging each other.

- Rant By Saturn

[ciangiuffusvaniaorwhatever-blog]

Guess who’s back! I’m a slowpoke, still playing Dark Souls for the first time!

Well, actually, just one of many, not here to be liked or to do something useful, Just wanted to blog about videogames and  i’m happy i’ve resumed, it’s a good stress reliever. Been very busy getting my University degree (which i had!) and looking for a job, but i missed doing this! I’ll drop the italian blog (for now), don’t have enough brain power for both (still for now) Little disclaimer: i’m not a pro, this isn’t a review, just the opinions, rants and thoughts of one of the many. And my main language is not english, so just skip the monster mistakes there will be around. Time for my usual(?) pre-emptive TL, DR: New computer, Dark Souls is actually cool altought i have some doubts that become bigger looking at the full saga. Ok first things first. I’m finally on a brand new computer, little graduation present. Won’t waste time with bragging about the stats, it works and it’s pretty powerful. With it i could finally defeat one of the monsters that kept me from playing Dark Souls, the first: BLIGHTTOWN. Who knows the game (or the memes) knows that in that zone the player will experience an unhealthy amount of FPS drops. My old notebook had an Intel Graphics HD, you can already imagine. I struggled to the whole level, it was all completely dark, darker than my brightness settings should allow, plus i had 7-20 fps, dropping down the more models there were on the screen. It was so dark and clunky i lost my way in the swamps! I remember asking this to a friend years ago: “What do i have to find in the swamp? I know the boss is Quelaag but where do i find the entrance?”. He looked me a bit funny and said “Come on, how is it possible you don’t find it, it’s there, looks like a spiky mountain with a hole, it’s just there” he said simply. I didn’t understand what he meant and kept rolling through the swamp with poison eating my unliving flesh, i couldn’t find anythingand kept running around in circles until i grew annoyed due to the low fps i had and uninstalled everything. That was my experience in dark souls, Now, with my brand new machine I was determined (Picture Undertale’s game over in your mind) and give it another try. With 0 issues i sped trough the first part of the game, i reached the accursed Blighttown (actually from behind this time, the circular map is one of DS’s most awesome features), dropped in the swamp and...it was THERE. at my right, a huge mound with a hole. It was IMPOSSIBLE to miss. I made the most Apulean (it means from Puglia, the Italian region i grew and live in) reaction i can think of, i kept staring at the screen with raised eyebrows, pressed lips, and pointed the screen with my extended hand. This gesture means “Are you serious? Really? Is this a joke?” etc etc. It was just there. That boss fight was awesome tho, really well designed. Well after playing some hours (I’m currently in Anor Londo, close to killing the dynamic duo, for who knows the game) I can finally understand a bit of what Dark Souls is and why is so compelling. I’ve seen lots of love around for this Game. I can understand it now, since i like the game too. I personally liked silent narratives in games where you explore, i’m a Symphony of the night fan after all. Playing dark souls remembers me those goods time, going around, searching for items and secrets, really loved that kind of games. Plus it adds majestic level design, an interesting dark fantasy setting, a bit depressed maybe but pretty cool.  Ok we can criticize From Software’s policy of NOT SAYING ANYTHING, but well it’s a kind of approach to the game i (and many others it seems) do not dislike. It gave the players a thrill of discovery, differently from other games where you  watch the story and setting unfold via a massive amount of cutscenes like Metal Gear Solid for an instance. DS tells you almost everything via item description, a sort of “Serious” version of Castlevania’s item description, saying a good amount of things about the setting. About the story, well, there’s not much story, that is true, most characters are just there waiting for your arrival, sometimes it feels a bit static but well, it works. Dark souls is very well done and has some very very intersting ideas but i do not want to do a full review of it, so i’ll go on to the issue i found aout the setting. This issue becomes bigger and BIGGER looking on DSII and DSIII (I didn’t play them but i watched nearly everything on youtube, an Italian guy named Sabaku. Or Sbabaku. Long story. Pretty cool channel) We are presented with a world that it’s about to end, we know nothing of its beginnings. That’s the issue. we know NOTHING on how it began. “They came”: that’s it, we don’t know how humans began to actually be, where are the non-undeads, how is the world outside Lordran made, we know nothing. And in ds2-3 we still do not know nothing! How does the cycle begin after the end of the previous? Why only some people remain “alive” after the cycle resets? What happened before our arrival? I think this kind of fuzzy setting works for a standalone games, but in a Saga? I don’t know, i think after 3 games you should start clearing some doubts instead of adding them to the pile.  Well, i’m already (???) done, hope you found this even slightly interesting, I’ll try to keep this thing updated with my experiences and my thoughts about what i love, videogames. If you liked it feel free to follow or send me messages, i like some good ol’ chit-chat.  The normal guy who loves videogames retreats coolly. Alla prossima!

[aesarctic]

Ready Player One, by Ernest Cline

It’s been a while since I’ve written a full-scale review. Sorry, guys!

Read on Goodreads

★ ★ ★ ★ ☆

FOR THE SUPER NON-SPOILERY PEOPLE: Ready Player One is definitely a book that I'd read the back cover to. Maybe that's not your thing, but I find that some books are better going in knowing nothing, and some books you need to know a bit about. This is one of the books that I'd definitely read the back-of-the-book-blurb. I can tell you right now that any spoilers you may think are in it aren't actually spoilers. This book is also definitely five-star potential. Don't be put off by my four stars. FOR THE NON-SPOILERY PEOPLE (hidden for the SNSP): Expanding on what I said up there, anything in the back-of-the-book-blurb that you may think is spoilers is said within the first chapter. It's not even labeled "Chapter 1." It's labelled "Chapter 0." You're fine to read it. I really liked the concept of this book, and I when I finished it, I felt accomplished, but I also wanted more. Shout-out to Mark Vaders (mjvaders) on Spotify for a Ready Player One playlist of every song mentioned in the book. That's super cool. https://open.spotify.com/user/mjvaders (The User) https://open.spotify.com/user/mjvader... (The Playlist)

FOR THE SPOILERY PEOPLE: I have five pages of notes, front and back. Let's go. The book opens on chapter 0000. It's a slow introduction, the main points being: 1) The OASIS is a thing 2) The creator, Halliday, died and made a scavenger-hunt-like contest 3) It's been five years, and no one has found the first key. Until now. But the thing is, it gives us the entire video. Why can't we have a summary of the video? It took me a while to get hooked into the book because the video wasn't the most fun to read. I'd also like to note that this was the only time footnotes were used. Why didn't we get more of those? Why were they necessary? Why were they necessary for only that specific chapter? I'd also like to note that there are a lot of sections in this book that reads like a history lesson, and I'm not sure these are necessary. I'll get to that later. I was not alive in the 1980s. In fact, Halliday is two years younger than my mom. There were so many 80s culture references that probably went over my head, but I was surprised at how many I caught and understood. I've watched a few of the movies mentioned (though, I personally am not a StarWars fan), and I've heard some of the music, and I've played a few of the games. Call me cliché, but I always go straight to the Pac-Man machine in arcades. Either that or Skee-ball. My favourite mention, though is at the very end, when they mention Voltron. (Pages 332 and 336 in my paperback copy). June 10th of 2016, a remake of Voltron was created, and I definitely watched it when it came out. Then I watched the 2011 remake, and a good amount of the 1984 original show. The only one I have not watched (and like to pretend doesn't exist) is the 1990s version. Anyway, anyway, I like Voltron. At the beginning, we get this nice glimpse into the real world, featuring Aunt Alice. She took Wade's laptop, and I still don't understand why he didn't scramble to hide it when he heard her coming. He said he had backups, but he also mentioned it was a pain to redownload everything. I would have tried to hide my laptop. One of my favoruite settings in this book was Wade's secret hideout. I love how he rigged it, and I thought that was super cool. I was very upset when he left it. It also confused me when the Sixers didn't realize he was in there? They said they had proof he hadn't left the trailer in three days, and that proof was video, right? How do they not have video of him going to his hideout? Or at least exiting the trailer? They said they saw him enter the trailer, but they didn't see him leave? I predicted that someone would find it, but no one ever did. Props to Wade. I had a hard time imagining the OASIS. I should be imagining real life, since the graphics are that good. I could have at least imagined a Skyrim-looking game. But, nah. I imagined something more like Overwatch. Art3mis. I should have known she'd become a little more important in the story, but as he was ranting about her blog, I literally wrote "I hope she doesn't have a big role" and I did not like her. Aech. I pronounced this as "Ache" at first, but Wade corrected us. I did not follow that. I should have, and I tried, but I still said "Ache" in my head. As someone who gets their name mispronounced a lot, I should have known better, but I did not and I am ashamed. I didn't like Aech at first. Eventually she grew on me, and I was incredibly mad when Wade totally dissed her for Art3mis. Ugh. I hate romance stories like that. I hate romance stories in general, but this one was bad. I hated how Art3mis was set up to be his girlfriend. No thank you. I like the setting for this book--meaning how the Real World was set up and how that affects the OASIS and why the OASIS is used because of it. I mean, I don't fancy the idea of a Great Recession, but it's a cool concept in theory. The copper key was found on page 84. This book has 372 pages. At least, that's what it is in my copy. That seemed really early for me, especially since he immediately knew what the phrase on the copper key meant, and I was worried that the book would have something strange happen at the end after all of the keys and gates were found. Luckily there was nothing wrong at the end (besides an unnecessary romance) and the book was dedicated to the scavenger hunt. Thank the gods. Speaking of immediately knowing what the message on the copper key meant, he described where the first gate was, and it's a game, you know, so my immediate thought was that the game wouldn't be there and someone had stolen it and there'd be some complication. No. Of course, we have to meet Art3mis. Kill me. I like the fact that Wade wasn't the first one to find the temple, though. That's cool. He was just the first one to complete it. "I wanted to propose marriage." --page 93 K I L L M E When he figured out the message on the copper key, Wade says, "I didn't think it would matter which copy of his hometown I went to..." and I thought that it would. I thought that it would totally matter, and he'd have to go through however many worlds looking for the correct game, and the game wouldn't be there, and he'd have to track it down, or something. It was weird reading something that went so right on the first try. He also totally skips out on school, which he had previously mentioned that he needed to attend to not get into trouble. I've attended two high schools, one that requires 24 credits, and the one I'm currently at requires 26. I currently have 24 credits, so theoretically I only need to pass two classes that total up to two credits, right? Wrong. Schools tend to require a certain amount of credits in each subject--I did a research project on this my sophomore year. I still need to take two language arts classes and one science class. Some schools require four credits in language arts, science, and math. Then three in social studies. That's what I've seen most often. How much did he double up to accomplish being able to flake his senior year? You only have a certain about of blocks per semester/trimester, and in today's world we can take more with online classes, but his school is an online school. How did his credit system work? If anyone has any input or corrections to make, please feel free. I don't know everything. Wade mentions that it was a "beautiful Midwestern Day" and as someone who is from the Midwest, I'd like to ask where? Okay, so Wade signs something with the acronym "MTFBWYA" on page 127 of the paperback. I know I'm dense, but what does that stand for? Why is he signing so many contracts and giving people models of his avatar? Doesn't he want to stay as secret as possible? Doesn't that mean not letting people know what you look like? I love Wade and Aech's friendship! At the beginning, anyway. Wade didn't want to tell Aech any of the information, and she was totally chill with that. She understood and they stayed best friends. At that moment, anyway. I'm salty. How did Wade not predict that recording would be prohibited in the place he met with Sorrento? I thought that the comic book stack falling over was a Sixer. I was ever so wrong. If they recreated Ludus to make Ludus II, wouldn't that also have the tomb with the copper key? There's a huge amount of time where Wade didn't mention Art3mis' blog, and I felt that that was a bit out of character. He was checking it all the time before all of this. The next time we get an update on it is after Art3mis dumps him, blocks him, and stops posting on her blog. Speaking of Art3mis, I still think that their friendship and romance developed in a very strange way, and I definitely don't like it. I hate that she replaced Aech. The author made a huge point that we have no idea what Art3mis looked like. I felt as if this was way too built up. Wade is a lot like Frank Zhang from the Heroes of Olympus series, by Rick Riordan. SPOILER: He totally buffs up, and I feel as if it's erasing a bit of diversity in a way. END SPOILER Some points from my notes: -Art3mis is clearly way smarted than Wade -My aesthetic is doing research to play Pac-Man -I love that Aech found the key while Wade was playing Pac-Man I felt as if the trophy place that Wade checked out should have clicked for him a lot sooner. He had that knowledge. He even had the knowledge of Zork. Why didn't he skim through his journal the minute he didn't understand the next clue? That would have gotten him there a lot sooner. This book has a very good balance of dead characters. I appreciate important characters dying. It makes the story interesting. So Wade had that one job, but we never see him going to it after that initial time. What happened there? So Wade makes this entire plan to sneak into the Sixer's place, and readers are left in the dark. It's so weird reading, and a lot of my notes say things like, "This plan had better be good." When Daito died, Shoto handed over that weapon the three of them earned. I knew in that moment that that was probably the entire reason those characters existed, and I was a little upset. I laughed at the phrasing "101 IOI Plaza" There were four people: Wade, Art3mis, Aech, and Shoto. Three people were needed. Obviously someone was going to die. So does "P.S." stand for "postscript?" I was told it was "personal secret." Don't believe everything six-year-olds tell you. Marrow: *appears* Me: HE KNOCKED OVER THE COMIC BOOKS Me: *turns the page* Wade: HE KNOCKED OVER THE COMIC BOOKS Turns out Halliday and Marrow were in a love triangle, and things ended because of it. Ugh. Aech and Wade are friends again, by the way! That's good! And we end things with Art3mis and Wade, and I want to die. So, around the area where Wade was finding the copper key, I was beginning to realize that this book is a lot like The Raven Cycle series, by Maggie Stiefvater. Warning: TRC spoilers from here on out. The Raven Cycle is set up like a scavenger hunt, but complex and very real-worldly. In fact, one of the things I love about TRC is how complex, 3D, and life-like the characters are, and how 3D the plot is, and the settings are set up fantastically. Anyway, the story has a lot of history to it, in a way. One of the main characters, Gansey, is on this hunt for a Welsh king who lived centuries ago. History, right? But we don't get a lot of that history. We get the basics: "There is a dead king somewhere. If we find him, we get a wish." In Ready Player One, there's a dead game maker, and if you can follow the clues, you get the prize of money. It's a really similar plot--I'm not sure I'm conveying how similar it was in my mind. Anyway, in Ready Player One we get a lot of unnecessary history that I felt could be summarized like I just did. Maybe not quite like that because Ernest Cline is writing a book, not an informal review, but you know what I mean. The history wasn't interesting to me--I didn't need to know Halliday's backstory. Not really. I just needed to know that he was rich and someone was going to get that money. By following clues. The history bits really annoyed me, and I'd go on, but I think I've ranted enough. Next I'll get into the character differences and writing styles, and it goes on. Basically I did not need to read all of that history, and I'm citing a different series as my evidence. THANKS FOR READING

[annabelharmony]

i liked this one

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You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say STAND WITH HONG KONG AGAINST THE CCP!

You both like advice.

Stranger: hello

Stranger: here to help

You: ok

You: well this a super minor problem

Stranger: sure

Stranger: what is it?

You: yk the live omegle

Stranger: yeah

You: I meet guys on ther

You: I get their snap

You: They want me for nudes

You: Most of the time I give them

You: Either I offend them or they get bored or smth and unadd me

You: Or we just consistentely send nudes and I get bored

Stranger: i see ...

Stranger: so ... do you want advice on how to create a healthier relationship with people of the opposite sex?

Stranger: or ..?

You: ig

You: I just kinda wanted to rant and get advice on whatever

Stranger: that's okay

Stranger: that's why i'm here

Stranger: first things first, though ...

Stranger: ... there are much better ways to meet guys then sending nudes

Stranger: but i'm sure you know that already

You: well everyone on here is horny as shit

Stranger: yeah lol

You: and for rn I cant just meet people

You: I dont get invited to parties and stuff in general

Stranger: yeah but there are other online platforms were you can meet guys that are as ... sexually active as the ones on Omegle

You: so when Im bored and go on here I expect they want me for nudes even if its not explicitly said

You: sexually active people?

You: on here?

You: idk

You: people on here are sketch virgins

Stranger: well i mean like you said, everyone here is horny af, and you're right

Stranger: i guess that's what i meant

You: so why would they ask for my snap if they didnt want nudes?

You: idk but its kinda of annyoing

Stranger: well, the guys that hangout here on omegle want you snap for nudes, but not all guys that you meet that ask for your snap want nudes

Stranger: you know what i'm saying?

You: do you think people cope with minor things better if they talk about it or they pretend like it never happened

You: yeah i get it

Stranger: i think you should always talk about it

Stranger: because if you don't that minor thing will get bigger and bigger until you can't deal with it anymore

Stranger: it just becomes too much

You: like I feel kinda bad even if this is a really small thing

You: there was this guy who was kind of annyoing but he wanted nudes and i liked him

You: I asked him for his dick size after he sent me nudes I dont know why

You: and then I said aw ok, as in like I liked it

Stranger: i think all you need is more self-confidence

You: but it came across as super mean lol

You: and he blocked my ass

Stranger: like if i asked you for nudes right now, would you send them to me?

You: I have so much confidence you dont even know

You: no

You: bc I know nothing about you

Stranger: but do you really know the guys your sending the nudes to?

Stranger: they just see you as an easy target

Stranger: someone who will give them want they want

You: I think youre right

Stranger: but you shouldn't live to give these horny bastards what they want

You: But I dont see myself as an object really

Stranger: you should be living to help you

You: i willingly give that to them its my desicison

You: which i dont know is good

You: I hate saying no to people especially if I kind of want it

Stranger: but all they get is a few naked pictures of you and that's it

Stranger: no special connection is made

Stranger: so you basically are just a tool for them to use, even if it's your own decision

You: should I do it?

Stranger: lol and i'm not trying to be mean. i'm sorry if it sounds like i am

You: even if I want it

You: no youre right

You: I see what you mean completely

Stranger: well even if you want it, you need self-control

Stranger: if started telling you how pretty and hot you are

Stranger: and then showed you a pic of like my dick or something

Stranger: would you be inclined just to give away a photo of your naked body that will stay on the internet forever?

You: well it depends

Stranger: on what? my dick lol? sorry sorry

You: No lmao idc

You: but I needed some brief interaction ig

You: and no I dont trust this site

Stranger: if you don't trust the site, why are you giving naked photos of yourself to people who use the site?

You: not this site the other one

Stranger: oh you mean the live one?

You: which is a stupid reason ik

You: But this one is sketchier??

You: I dont know how thats possible

You: the other one is pretty bad

Stranger: look, tbh, both of them are really kinda nasty

Stranger: this advice place is one of the few innocent places

You: haha never

Stranger: and i'm sure there are still some nasty people

Stranger: yeah lol

You: are you a guy or a girl

Stranger: guy

You: I think what you said is what I wanted to hera

You: or more like what I needed to hear

Stranger: good

You: but I dont know I guess Ill do it less

Stranger: please, you're worth more than just someone who sends their body to complete strangers

Stranger: you're better than that

You: I dont think that makes me less of a person

You: I think theres this double standard where girls are forced to send nuds

You: and they cant just be chill about it

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: the whole society's fucked up

You: like guys sending their dps isnt a big deal theyre still worth something

You: but I dont know why I do it

You: if Im horny or seeking approval

You: Ig Ill do it less

Stranger: yes please do

You: but Im still doing it occasionally

Stranger: if you're seeking approval, you're seeking it from the wrong people

You: it kind of stimulates me

You: thats why Im on here

Stranger: i understand

Stranger: but if you're horny, you could always just like watch porn or something

Stranger: or does that not have the same effect for you?

You: I feel lonely

You: I used to watch porn more

Stranger: i'm sorry

Stranger: i wish there was someone you could trust

You: Im not that lonely

You: I just send nudes bc Im lonely

You: sex and relationship wise

You: I didnt spell that right

Stranger: it

Stranger: it's okay

Stranger: i wish i could help you more than just telling you stuff

You: no youre helping me

You: Just thing is when I dont have it I miss it

You: The nudes I mean

You: But I DO feel used

Stranger: you don't like feeling used, right?

You: and I dont know how much I care

You: well I dont think about it

Stranger: but you do after the fact, right?

Stranger: like, sure you might not feel used when you're doing it, but once it's already done and you look back at what happened, you feel used, right?

You: sometimes I think its fun

You: But its kind of like porn

You: Theres a limit to it

Stranger: yeah ... it is

Stranger: i mean you're basically giving away pictures of your body to these random dudes on the internet for free

Stranger: who knows what they'll do with those photos

Stranger: again, don't wanna sound mean

You: ok Im just gonna be honest Im not even in hs and Ive sent nudes to like 8 different fucking people

You: no youre right

You: which I dont think is a huge deal

Stranger: wait how old are you, if you don't mind me asking?

You: But its not like Im profiting of off it

You: too young for this convo

Stranger: so ... like ... less than 18?

You: I dont like telling people

You: Bc either they skip me or they stay and theyre pedos

Stranger: Uh ... you do know that what you're doing is illegal, right? If you're under 18 and you're giving nude photos to grown-ass men, that's child pornography ...

You: no

You: theyre my age

Stranger: oh

Stranger: well, on the one hand, thank god

Stranger: but on the other, well ... it still doesn't sit right with me

You: what doesnt sit right

You: also do I sound like im older than 18? I think I sound pretty young

Stranger: it's just i wish you didn't feel like you had to send nudes to fulfill some desire you have within you. no i thought you were pretty young, which is why i'm more concerned. we're probably the same age

You: how old are you

Stranger: 16

You: well heres my thing

Stranger: ?

You: I dont know if I should keep doing this

You: like sending nudes

You: Bc there was a period where I wasnt doing it

Stranger: yeah. please don't do it anymore

You: and I really didnt like it

You: Ok I'll do it less

You: and if it comforts you at all I will be kind of reminded of you before it happens

You: not to be weird

Stranger: no it's okay. that's good i guess

Stranger: i have to go now

Stranger: i'm sorry

You: ok see ya

Stranger: i wanted to help you more

Stranger: but ... sorry

You: yeah thanks you helped a lot

Stranger: alright

You: bye

Stranger: stay safe

[humanitys-shortest-sassmaster]

Dumb relationship rant, sorry this won't be regular

So the other day my almost 25 year old boyfriend was asked to leave a language class by a teacher Apparently the reason why is that the teacher asked the class to do group work on something, and he said no She told him to do it and he said no again, saying that he doesn't like teamwork She let him do it for a few minutes and then eventually told him to go home because it was disrespectful to her and the other students He started ranting to me about it and how the teacher is crazy and loves being in authority But like... I think he's being a huge fucking child. He doesn't have social anxiety or any of that, he just simply doesn't want to work with other people, even if it's filling out a worksheet. I said I was sorry that happened, and he said, "But I know you're not on my side anyway." And that really angered me. I wasn't on his side, but I didn't want to not support him when he was frustrated, and so I pushes my own thoughts aside and was supporting him and he passive aggressives me. Just last week he had an issue with the same teacher, he made a mistake when writing kanji, and she told him to write it 4 more times. Which yeah, sounds kinda bitchy of her. But then he sat there and said no. She told him to and asked him why he wouldn't and he said because it was stupid, and he won't do anything that's stupid. Additionally, just before that he was angrily told by his landlord to throw his trash away using the proper bags designated by the city, which you can buy at any convienence store in the area, and they cost like $1-4 for a big pack of them. And he told me that now because that guy was rude he will never ever buy the correct trash bags. I told him that he could start using them once he finishes his current pack, and he said no, it's stupid. I told him to be careful because there are stupid rules in Japan, and as a foreigner you can be subject to more criticism over them, and that if his landlord is a really big ass, he could potentially be evicted if he doesn't use the correct bags. Boyfriend said "I don't care, it's stupid." "But being evicted over that would suck, and I know it's stupid, but wouldn't that be even more stupid? You'd have to move back to the guesthouse and you hated it there because of the stupid people." "I don't care." And I know they're small things. I know I create issues in the relationship with my poor communication, and I fully take responsibility for that and have been doing a good job in recent weeks changing that, even he's commenting on how I'm doing better. But I just absolutely have not been in love with him at all for the last like 1+ year of our relationship, and I keep trying to push aside things that bother me. Things like all the passive aggressiveness towards me if I let go of his hand for a while while walking, absolutely no sexual attraction or satisfaction in the relationship due to him basically wanting me to be a dominatrix when I am absolutely not lmao and he goes I'm absolutely into being submissive but he said I don't know what I want, (lol aight) and the bizarre demand that later when I'm working I need to take two weeks off and go meet his family and travel with him. When I told him that I can't just take 2 weeks off for fub, especially considering it'll be a new job, he basically demanded that before my free flight benefits end in April I have to fly to meet his family with him before then. Like I am just REALLY not happy being with him, and future stuff doesn't look good either. He's studying Japanese for fluency, but even after almost one year of intensive study he can hardly say an extremely basic sentence. He's now saying he wants to go to university in Japan and signed up for an exam at one of Japan's top most difficult universities next year, even though his Japanese is extremely basic now, and his academic background and transcript is very poor. He skipped almost an entire year of school because he didn't feel like going, and got a lot of bad grades in what I think was French remedial or alternative school. When I say that he'll need to study for the actual tested content on the university exam, which are famously difficult, extremely intelligent Japanese people study incredibly intensely for months or years before taking it, especially considering its one of the most difficult schools in Japan, (and it's a private school and he has extremely little money, I don't know how he expects to pay???) And he says he doesn't need to study for it. He says all he needs to study is just Japanese himself. (Which will require a metric fuck ton of studying considering he struggles to even order at a restaurant or at Starbucks and can't understand convienence​ store questions like would you like another bag, would you like this heated, do you have a point card...) And I try to help him with the university stuff, because I did graduate from a top Japanese university and kind of know a bit of the ropes, but nope, he says all he needs is one more year of study. It's additionally frustrating because his English is poor too. As someone living in another country speaking another language, I complete understand and sympathize with the struggle because I experience it in Japanese. It didn't bother me at all for one year, and then more recently it's starting to frustrate me, because we just can't properly communicate anything. And I'm sure it frustrates him as well, because I absolutely know the feeling of frustration of not being able to say something in another language even though IT SHOULD BE THERE IN YOUR HEAD. But he always says "Ahhh I can communicate so much more and be so much funnier and cooler in French" Which I did believe and sympathize with. But I really am realizing that other French people don't really like him. He'll consistently make a new French friend for a week or a month or so, and then will tell me that the person is a jerk and went to a party or something without asking him. When I suggest that maybe he should try asking the other person to hang out, he says he doesn't need a friend like that, and then (super cliche-ly) "I don't need friends." I do understand the struggle of making friends with other people because that was basically my entire high school life and dealing with bullshit people. But I still had just a few close friends in high school, and internet friends. Once leaving high school i have a ton of friends, I'm not super crazy close with every friend because I do often have antisocial tendencies, but I'm on good terms with all of them and don't have trouble making plans with them. But what worries me about him with friends is the inability to keep friends. Because he makes new French friends often. But literally every single one after a time reportedly don't want to hang out or be friends with him anymore. He has one friend who he is still friendly with in France, but my boyfriend said they aren't really close at all. My boyfriend has said, ever since the relationship started "oh once you start to know me better you won't want to be with me anymore, because everybody does that" I always ignored it because it sounded so cliche and edgy that it was difficult to take seriously, but he seems to almost take pleasure in stuff like that. He used to often say 'oh one day I'll tell a joke but you will think I'm serious and will be mad at me' and I'm like, no shit that happens with literally everyone person at some point. Well, eventually I happened. Except he wasnt telling a joke, he said something pretty rude or inflammatory to me in order to start a fight. I immediately warned him not to start with me, which followed with 'lol, I was just joking!' which we all know is what people usually say to cover their own asses and make the offended party look bad. Then he immediately goes on with "SEE???? I told you that one day I would tell a joke and you wouldn't know it was a joke!!! I knew it would happen! See I know these things!" And going on like that for five minutes, which was pissing me off more because he was gloating about it and was clearly not joking. So this is all obviously a big ass rant. I know I cause a lot of big ass problems in the relationship, mainly me not always messaging him enough and not hanging out with him enough, which then makes him jealous, so he'll accuse me of cheating, which I absolutely have not done and never would, and then he's told me he's sent me pictures of himself with other girls in an effort to make me jealous, and then was angry when I wasn't jealous. But.. the reason why I didn't always message him every single day (fixed now) and don't hang out with him as much as I should (partially financial, he lives about $60 round trip away) is because I just genuinely don't enjoy being with him. A couple of months ago I wanted to break up for many of those reasons, but didn't because I didn't want to let some dumb short term feelings of negativity in the relationship end things. But nothing has changed since then, and I think I'm even less happy now, despite fixing a few of my own personal issues and issues in the relationship... Just Lord What do