#hu tao being a little shit

[mjbunnyluv]

Recompense

Zhongli wakes among silk sheets, body shivering against the cool air that slips under while he turns on his side. He swallows thickly, throat feeling strained and sore.

“Hmm. Some tea perhaps.”

When he throws the sheets off and drops his feet off the side of the bed, a harsh shudder rolls through his body.

“That is new,” he says to himself. 

It has been six months since he’d given up his gnosis to the Tsaritsa. Since stepping down as Archon of Liyue. Six whole months of living a mortal life. Zhongli supposes that he is finally adjusting, feeling what mortals feel with the changing of seasons.

He stands and quickly rests a hand against the side of his face as his head pounds fiercely. It is as if he’s been hit with a club, temple and cheek throbbing beneath the surface. He grunts and blinks away the pain before making his way to the kitchen.

“Tea,” he says again, shuffling a few containers on the counter to find the right blend. 

A chime rings outside, bells singing at the top of a new hour. Zhongli pauses in his tea making and counts the chimes.

“No, that cannot be right.” Still, amber eyes shift to the noctilucous jade clock that decorates the wall. “Oh dear. It seems that I have slept in. That will not do.”

Pushing the containers of tea leaves back into their rightful place, Zhongli moves about the apartment to get ready for the day. When he bends down to retrieve a clean pair of trousers, that awful pounding in his head returns.

Bright spots dance around the edges of his vision. He reaches up to rub at his temple, trying to massage away the pain. Once it subsides, he concludes dressing and takes the elegant staircase down two levels to the main lobby of the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor.

Director Hu Tao was generous enough to allow him lodging above the place. As such, Zhongli appeared in his office at exactly the time his daily shift was supposed to start.

“Zhongli, you’re late.”

“My apologies, Director,” he bows his head courteously to the short statured woman. “I foolishly slept in this morning.”

Hu Tao crosses her arms and regards him with curious eyes. A single brow raises as she taps her chin in thought. “You look quite pale today. Dark circles under your eyes too.”

“I am sure it will pass, but I have been experiencing a pain in the side of my face. It is quite unusual, but I assure it will not hinder my work, Director.”

“Oh?” Hu Tao perks up. “Shall I gather the proper documentation for your last testament?”

Zhongli fixes her with an unamused stare. “That will not be necessary.”

“Whatever you say,” she says in a sing-song voice, wandering to her office to begin her daily routine.

With a deep inhale that makes his chest feel heavy, Zhongli enters his own office and begins his tasks. A few requests to sort through, but nothing particularly pressing. It allows him time to do a bit of research, consulting books around the parlor. The information in them just makes his head spin.

“Surely, this cannot be correct,” he mutters to himself as he flips the page. “Mortals are burdened with such weakness.” 

Zhongli tries not to think too much about his ailments, but by midday he has a few more symptoms to add to the list. A cough has developed. Nothing horrid like those who visit the infirmary in dire condition, but a nagging sort of thing. Each time he thinks he has cleared the sore itch in his throat, the urge to cough returns. 

He sniffles, clearing his nose that has begun to drip incessantly. “Well, this is just…” Zhongli trails off with another cough.

“Sounds like I should get your measurements,” Hu Tao comments in passing. 

“Not necessary.”

An hour before the end of his shift, when the light filtering through the window has turned the color of rust, Zhongli rests his head against the cool wood of his desk. His eyes flutter closed and his breathing evens out. Exhaustion is not a new concept. Though he is hardier than the common mortal, able to last three days before sleep became a necessity, it is strange to feel it take hold before the sun has fully set. Not to mention, he slept the evening prior.

“Just for a few moments,” Zhongli whispers to himself. “A short rest.”

Unsure of how much time has passed, Zhongli startles awake when a hand rests on his shoulder. Reflexes take over, his hand flashing upward to grip his attacker.

“Woah there, Zhongli,” a familiar voice warbles. 

Blinking back the fog, amber eyes settle on the newcomer’s face, recognizing the particular shade of blue glinting in their eyes.

“Childe?”

“Uh huh,” the Fatui Harbinger nods. 

“I was unaware you returned to Liyue. I thought you had been summoned to Snezhnaya,” Zhongli comments, releasing his hold on Childe’s wrist.

“New assignment,” the man shrugs. “Though I’m sure the people of Liyue will have something to say about it.”

“Hmm.” A deep breath makes the former archon cough again. His face contorts as something wet and bitter rises to the back of his tongue.

Childe is quiet beside him, observing with shocked curiosity. “Are you sick?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Zhongli dismisses him.

“Oh, am I?” An eyebrow raises in a bit of a teasing manner, making light of the situation. “I’m not the one on death’s door, Xiansheng.”

“So, preparations should commence,” Hu Tao chirps from the doorway. “I’ll grab the paperwork.”

“Honestly,” Zhongli huffs. “I am not sick, nor am I dying.”

That tickle in his throat is more annoying than before, causing him to let out a few wet coughs. His head pounds each time, and with a groan, the archon reaches up to massage his temples.

“Right,” Childe sighs. “Looks like we’re making a stop at Bubu Pharmacy. Come on.”

Zhongli doesn’t have a chance to argue before the harbinger’s hand grasps his bicep and practically drags him out of his office. The director is singing to herself - an old funerary song - while she gathers the usual forms needed to plan a final farewell. 

“Don’t worry Director Tao,” Childe waves with a smile as they pass through the lobby. “Next time you see Zhongli, he’ll be right as rain.”

Once they’re outside, the temperature cool but not unpleasant, Childe finally lets go and falls into step beside him.

“I didn’t think archons could get sick.”

“Nor did I,” Zhongli sighs. It feels like cotton is stuffed inside his head. His usually exceptional hearing and sense of smell are hindered and the pounding behind his eyes is more than a little concerning.

“Aha, so you admit that you are sick!”

“Hmm, yes, I suppose that is the most plausible explanation for these terrible symptoms.”

“What are your symptoms?” Childe asks. “After living in Snezhnaya most of my life, I’ve come up with a lot of remedies for these kinds of things. I noticed you have a cough. Does your throat hurt, too?”

“It does indeed,” Zhongli nods. “Perhaps your expertise in these matters is necessary. Upon standing after I awoke this morning, I felt a throbbing pain against the side of my face. It seems to have become more insistent as the day has gone on. I have gotten much use from my handkerchief today as well.”

“Sounds like it’s just a cold.” The man shrugs.

This makes the archon slow, blinking as he takes in Childe’s words. “Just a cold?” He asks in a measured tone. “Do all mortals suffer these symptoms during their lifetime?”

“Yeah, I guess. I mean, a cold is pretty common.” 

Zhongli ponders this on their walk. They pass through the gate that leads toward Yujing Terrance and approach the stairs leading to Bubu Pharmacy. 

“Think you can make it to the top, Xiansheng?” Childe teases, taking two steps at a time in quick succession.

“Such insolence,” Zhongli mutters, beginning his ascension. 

Halfway there, he feels out of breath. His cough is more insistent and he is starting to feel a bit lightheaded. He paused to regain his strength, raising his gaze to take in the remaining steps. Childe was at the top looking equal parts amused and bewildered.

“Okay down there?!” The Fatui Harbinger calls lightly.

Zhongli climbs the rest of the way and fixes his companion with the most disapproving look he can muster. “You joke, though I imagine you have been in worse states than I am at the moment, Childe.”

The ginger haired man coughs lightly into his fist, though it sounds suspiciously like a laugh. “I mean no offense, Xiansheng. Just trying to keep things light.”

Amber eyes squint, observing Childe. There is a tightness to his jaw and stiffness in his shoulders. Eyes the color of the sea that laps at Liyue’s shore are sharp and serious, betraying the nonchalant smile that is plastered on his lips.

Zhongli reaches out, his hand resting on Childe’s shoulder in a comforting manner. “No need to worry, my friend. If it is…just a cold, as you say, then I am sure Doctor Baizhu will have a remedy to offer.”

“R-Right,” Childe chokes out before stepping out from under the former archon’s touch and makes his way into the pharmacy. 

Qiqi, just following orders, nearly makes the harbinger rip his hair out before Doctor Baizhu makes an appearance. He apologizes for her insistence that a prescription is needed. It is only when Childe explains that it’s not him who needs medicine but Zhongli that Baizhu turns and regards him with scrutiny.

Hands find their way to Zhongli’s face and neck, pressing lightly. He flinches at the doctor’s cool touch and the next thing he knows, a wrist is pressed to his forehead.

“Hmm. Fever, some swelling in the lymph nodes, and you’ve coughed quite a bit since arriving. Tell me Mr. Zhongli, how long have you had these symptoms.”

“Since this morning,” he answers with a level tone, trying to keep his annoyance at being touched under control.

“I see. Well, judging by the harbinger’s concern, I’ll give you a few things that will ease your discomfort,” Doctor Baizhu states, turning back toward Qiqi to rattle off names of medicines and herbs.

“I’m not concerned,” Childe bites out. The dusting of pink on his cheeks reveals his embarrassment at being caught in his emotions.

It warms Zhongli’s heart to know his friend cares so much about him. That he would go out of his way to care for him while in this predicament.

They leave with a bag of medicine and instructions hand written by Baizhu and a reminder to return should his symptoms become worse.

The walk back to Wangsheng Funeral Parlor is quiet, save for the light conversation that flutters down from the upper levels of Liuli Pavilion. 

Zhongli turns to regard his companion as they ascend the steps leading to his apartment and finds that Childe’s blush has darkened, eyes looking without seeing.

“Something troubles you, my friend.”

His voice seems to jolt the harbinger from his thoughts, who clears his throat and looks down at his boots when they arrive at the door. 

“It’s nothing.”

Well now, that’s certainly a lie. Zhongli may still be learning how to navigate the subtle intricacies of mortal life but Rex Lapis observed both adepti and mortals for over six millenia. He’s come to learn a thing or two about hiding one’s emotions.

“Childe?”

Those brilliant blue eyes snap to amber, a light smile turning up peach lips. All traces of worry are hidden behind Childe’s carefully constructed mask.

“Good night, Xiansheng. Hope you feel better in the morning.”

“Thank you,” Zhongli bows his head slightly. 

Childe is already halfway down the steps when the former geo archon enters his apartment. Alone once more, and in desperate need of some warm tea, Zhongli begins heating the kettle to the perfect temperature. The medicine prescribed to him by Doctor Baizhu is carefully set on the counter and he reads the instructions while his tea is being prepared. There is some kind of syrupy concoction that smells of bitterness, making Zhongli’s nose scrunch in distaste. Also, a paste or ointment meant to be rubbed over his chest to aid in clearing the pressure he feels in his face while he sleeps.

With tea expertly prepared, he takes a seat at his small, but elegant table, body aching as he lowers himself into the seat. 

The syrup tastes horrid, making Zhongli gag and hold a gloved hand to his lips. 

“An awful way to ruin beautiful tea,” he says to himself, taking a sip to wash away the bitterness that clings to his tongue.

The tub of ointment is not much better. It makes Zhongli’s skin stick to his silk pajamas in a way that makes him feel dirty. After having slept the previous night, it is strange to slumber again. However, exhaustion still holds a firm grip on the former archon. It takes some time, but eventually he falls into a sleep riddled with strange dreams. 

When he awakes, Zhongli feels worse than the previous morning. He cannot breathe out of his nose, nor inhale without coughing. He shivers under the sheets and tucks his knees in close to his body. 

“The director will surely not take this as an excuse. I must get ready for the day,” he said so himself, voice raw. He wonders if he had been coughing in his sleep.

Upon standing, he falls straight back to the bed with a weak sigh. His body aches and his head throbs unpleasantly. Though he does not want to experience the taste of that bitter medicine, Zhongli knows Doctor Baizhu wouldn’t have prescribed it without the utmost care and knowledge.

He is sluggish in arriving downstairs and when Hu Tao gets a look at him, he is promptly dismissed with the director’s harsh threat to get well soon.

Tea does little to warm his shivering body, eyelids heavy as he sits at the table and sips the hot drink. Zhongli’s bed looks inviting and once he finishes the tea, he crawls under the sheets. Each time he thinks he’s about to drift off, consciousness suddenly sparks. The sound of someone working on the floor below, birds chirping just outside the window, the urgent feeling that he should be hiding in this weakened state. Though he tries to will himself to check the door, Zhongli falls asleep before he can finish that thought.

The next time he awakes, it’s to the feel of something damp pressed against his forehead and a heaviness that has been laid across his body.

Amber eyes blink open, just making out familiar messy ginger hair and a lithe frame flitting about the kitchen.

“Childe?” Zhongli croaks, throat dry and incredibly sore.

“Ah Xiansheng, you’re awake,” his friend answers, relief clear on his face as he approaches the bedside. “I know you’re an archon and all, but maybe you should think about locking your door when you plan to sleep.”

“I did not plan on it,” he responds.

“Yeah, I guess being sick will do that to you,” Childe chuckles softly and rubs the back of his neck. “When I came to check up on you, Hu Tao mentioned she sent you away to rest.”

“And you barged your way in?”

“I did not barge in.” He rolls his eyes. “The door was unlocked. Besides, you were shivering so I took the time to make you more comfortable.”

Zhongli finally sees the reason for the weight lying over his body. A thick quilt that he does not recognize is draped over the silk sheets.

“Hmmm, it’s warm.”

“Good,” Childe nods, intending to leave the room before abruptly turning back around to remove the damp cloth lying on Zhongli’s forehead. “Do you think you could eat? I picked up some black-back perch stew from Wamin Restaurant. Xiangling sends her regards, by the way.”

“That is very kind,” Zhongli says, mustering a smile. “I will have to thank her the next time I visit.”

“So, do you want some?” There is a nervousness in the harbinger’s crystal blue eyes.

“You’ve gone through much trouble for my sake. It would be a slight against you to refuse such kindness.”

“It’s just soup, Xiansheng.”

Childe disappears back into the kitchen and Zhongli hears the rustling of a paper bag. No doubt, he’s setting the table with the food he acquired from Wamin Restaurant. 

With a groan, Zhongli leaves the bed, pausing to look back. His fingers slide across the quilt. Soft cotton squares depicting patterns foreign to Liyue are stitched together with shining thread. He doesn’t let himself linger on the many questions his mind drums up, instead wrapping the blanket over his shoulders and joining Childe at the table.

“It’s comfy, right?” his friend smiles, looking pointedly at the quilt.

“Indeed,” Zhongli answers, pulling it tighter around him. “I don’t recognize the pattern…or craftsmanship.”

“Snezhnayan,” Childe tells him. “I brought it from home. Don’t really use it much since it’s so much warmer here in Liyue, but it’s– it’s a comfort.”

The former archon can hear the love laced into those words. A prized item. “And you would allow me to use it in my weakened state?”

His friend shrugs with a nod like he hasn’t just given Zhongli a piece of himself.

“I will take great care of this.”

“I appreciate it,” Childe says softly. “Here, try this.” A bowl of black-back perch stew is placed in front of him.

Food is decidedly harder to consume, but the broth is warm and eases the ache in his throat. 

“Would it be wise to visit Bubu Pharmacy again?”

“Nah,” Childe shakes his head before taking another spoonful of his own soup. “This is just the way with being sick. Sometimes you feel worse before you get better.”

“I see,” Zhongli hums. “Then I will proceed with the care instructions Doctor Baizhu gave last night.”

They resume their meal, quietly enjoying the stew together. Though Zhongli would prefer not to feel so awful, Childe’s presence fills him with pleasant warmth. 

“I believe I will rest some more,” he announces once only a few spots of liquid remain in the bowl.

“Good idea.” 

Childe collects their bowls and utensils. He begins cleaning up as Zhongli crawls into bed once more, pulling the quilt around him a bit tighter. His friend is right in his description that it is a comfort. The sound of dishes clinking and water running softly lulls him to sleep.

Silence meets Zhongli’s ears as he slowly comes to. For a moment he wonders if Childe has left, only to feel a gentle touch run through his hair. That wet cloth is plastered to his forehead once more and he feels a bit better than earlier. 

“Keep resting, Xiansheng,” Childe whispers.

Amber eyes flutter open. The room is dark save for the single lantern casting a warm glow from the bedside table. It must have been hours since he shared stew with his friend.

“You’re still here,” Zhongli mumbles.

“It’s the least I can do…” 

“Hmm.” 

The former archon thinks about the strange emotion that tinges Childe’s tone. Though he is still learning about the many facets of mortal life, he is coming to understand regret. Of course he experienced the emotion as Rex Lapis, but it meant something different before he chose to step down as Liyue’s revered god.

“I hold no ill will towards you for releasing Osial,” Zhongli finally says, turning his head to regard the Snezhnayan warrior. “In fact, without you, I do not believe the Adepti and Qixing would have ever come together.”

Childe’s lips turn into a straight line, eyes hard to read in the low light.

“I have apologized for using you as a pawn in my contract with the Tsaritsa, and I will do so again if it is required of me.”

“No,” his friend sighs. “It’s not– I…”

Zhongli stays quiet, allowing Childe to sort his thoughts into the words he wants to speak aloud.

After a few moments of silence, the harbinger speaks. 

“I released Osial in hopes that I would draw out Rex Lapis…but you never appeared. A good fight is worth everything to me and what better way to test my strength than against a literal god?”

“Ah,” Zhongli nods slightly. “I see. Perhaps I could make it up to you with a spar. Once I am back to full health, of course.”

Crystal blue eyes blink at him once, twice, before a sparkle of mischief and excitement returns to them. A smirk pulls at the corner of peach lips and Zhongli returns the sentiment. 

“I would like that,” Childe answers.

“Then we have a contract. Once I have regained my strength, we will spar.” 

Zhongli settles against the bed again and lets his eyes flutter closed. If he feels that gentle touch resume gliding through his hair, he does not comment on it. Instead, he sighs softly, leaning into the comfort so easily given by his friend.

[brayneworms]

shoot it up (straight to the heart).

featuring. childe/reader

word count. 5.7k

content. merc!reader, drinking, kissing, masochist!childe because i am not immune to that agenda, sparring, gender neutral reader, childe is a little shit, blood, finger sucking, biting, handjobs, hair pulling, one instance of degradation (whore), light begging and light crying.

synopsis. childe has always found you fascinating; now that his stint in liyue is up and he's scheduled to return to snezhnaya, he takes the opportunity to get something from you he's wanted for months.

notes. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, i check the notes and you will be blocked.

"Ahh, the scourge of the complacent! Fancy seeing you here on a night like tonight."

You tip your eyes up to the ceiling of the inn; his voice rings out clear as bells over the chatter and rowdiness, and maybe it's a mark of your attunement to his specific brand of irksomeness that you hear the bounce of his footsteps approach over the general cacophony of laughter and drinks slamming.

There are four empty stools at the bar. He takes the one right next to you, sliding home with a boyish grin. You scratch at your forehead with all the fatigue of a working mother-of-five, catch the bartender's eye, and silently flag down another drink.

Tartaglia whistles as you raise the cup to your lips, making you pause; mead sops against your mouth, burning against raw picked skin. "I see even the alcohol of Liyue is no match for you, scourge."

"Don't call me that," you say flatly, and knock the cup back. There isn't enough booze in this whole tavern to make this a bearable conversation, but at least you could soften the edges. If you got drunk enough, you might be able to pretend he was nothing more than a lurid ginger mosquito buzzing around your head for attention.

Attention you always seemed to grant, no matter how much you swear you'll ignore him.

"Your lovely friend at the funeral parlour told me I might find you here," Tartaglia continues talking even though you're staring at the ceiling praying for patience. "She's pretty fond of you, huh? Can't imagine why, with your prickly attitude—oh, barkeep, I'll have what they're having, please." He flashes a pearly grin at the bartender, who pours him a cup of mead.

"Did you come here just to bother me?" you grit out, staring at the dregs in your cup; it sloshes darkly amongst the dull silver, and you can see a glimmer of a reflection, your eye staring back at you.

"What an ego you sport!" Tartaglia sounds righteously offended. "I came here to drink." And as if to prove his point, he raises his cup to his lips and takes a deep gulp. You can see his pale throat flex as he swallows, the bob of bones beneath papery skin.

He coughs a little as he sets the cup back down, empty. You try not to let your surprise show on your face.

"Liyue mead has quite the burn," Tartaglia comments. "You'd think I'd be used to it after being weaned on that Snezhnyan paint-thinner, but what can I say? This place has a kick."

He leans back on his barstool, a vaguely soft, wistful look passing over his features. Then he says, "I'll certainly miss it."

The cup slips from your fingers, and you curse yourself. "You're leaving?"

Tartaglia smiles, a little sadly. "The Tsaritsa summoned me back. I'll have to take off by the end of the week."

"No shit?" Tartaglia's been posted here and bothering you for way longer than you arrived to act as a temporary guard for the Wangsheng Funeral Parlour. You weren't sure why such a place needed extra beef with security, but it paid well, and Hu Tao and Zhongli were well-meaning employers and good company, so you could hardly complain. That was the beauty of freelance, after all.

"Oh? You sound disappointed." Tartaglia leans forward, cupping his chin in his hand; his eyes find yours, gleaming in the low light. "What? Don't tell me you're going to miss me?"

You glare at him. "Do people miss the mosquitoes they swat when they're buzzing around their head?"

"You always act like I'm vermin," Tartaglia pouts. "Still, you're having a drink with me—I consider that a victory."

"One of your few," you toast, raising your cup, and Tartaglia's playful expression sullens a touch, like a cloud covering up the sun. "Oh, don't get all kicked-puppy on me. Thought you could take a little pain."

"Better than you know," Tartaglia says with a stunning return to form and a coy grin. You must be just tipsy enough to entertain him, because you don't seize a handful of his bright hair and ram his face into the bar like you briefly consider doing. There wouldn't be much in it for you beyond the satisfying crack of bone and yelp of pain. As for Tartaglia, he'd probably get off on it.

You both down another cup, and now the lines that make up the tavern are starting to blur pleasantly. There's a soft, fuzzy feeling filling you up, like you're made of cotton instead of flesh and blood and magic. A faint flush has made itself known on Tartaglia's cheekbones, lurid against his hair, illuminating the scatter of freckles across the bridge of his nose. He's surprisingly lightweight, for as hard as you known Snezhnayan liquor to be.

"Would you walk with me?" Tartaglia holds your eye like he's making a promise, though not to you. He says half the things he says like he's talking to someone else, someone you cannot see. He holds out a gloved hand, grinning. "C'mon. I want to show you something."

Your brows knit up, suspicious. "Why me?"

"I'm currently not speaking to any of my other friends," Tartaglia says haughtily. "Sneaks and liars, all of 'em. As, uh, disarming as you are, scourge, at least you're honest. So... c'mon. Humour a man's last wish."

"You're not dying," you say acidly, but you get up. Tartaglia grins, delighted, sweeping up his coat from the barstool and paying out. You follow him out of the tavern; Liyue comes alive at night, you think, the harbour glimmering with a thousand lights, the water lapping at the chalky walls. Tartaglia takes your hand as the tavern door swings shut behind you. He runs warm, and you can see freckles spiralling up his wrist, and before you can protest he's started a brisk pace away from the water.

"The hell?" you mutter, making a weak attempt at taking your arm back. "Hey. Tartaglia. Where are we going?"

"So formal," he calls over his shoulder. "You can call me Childe, you know."

"Like that's even your real name," you roll your eyes. "What difference does it make?"

"Hm. Tartaglia feels more like a title. It's the name I use when I want to intimidate, you know?" He looks over his shoulder at you, the dull blue of his eyes catching in the moonlight. "I'm not foolish enough to think I could ever intimidate you, of all people."

And when he says that, it feels like a compliment. You curse the hot prickling you can feel at the backs of your ears as he leads you through town, up near where the mountains crest. It's all rickety ladders and bridges for a while before you come to a plane nestled between two great rocks. Grass and gravel spill out beneath your feet; in the middle of the wobbly circle is a wooden training dummy with chunks carved out of it. Torches bracket the space, filling the night with shifting bronze light.

It occurs to you briefly that Childe could be luring you out here to kill you, but just as easily the notion flees. He might be Fatui, and he might be insufferable, but the two of you have no real grievances as far as you know.

Besides—you're stronger. And the both of you know it.

You sweep a flat look around the circle and raise a brow. “Homey.”

Childe giggles. “You’re always so sharp-tongued, scourge. I’ve been reflecting on my stint in Liyue in light of everything, you know? What with my leaving so soon. I remembered the first time I saw you fight.”

Your brows draw up, taken aback; this is not a sentiment he has shared with you before. He paces as he talks, starts gesticulating like he’s trying to stir up a wind, though the night is virtually breezeless. Warm and damp and encapsulating. A line of sweat encroaches under your collar. 

“Some treasure-hoarders, they made a chokepoint out in the Guili Planes to intercept traders going down the road,” he tells you, as if this is news. “Zhongli asked me to deal with them myself, ‘cause they were stopping import to the city. But as soon as I got up there to scout it out, I saw you. What you’d left, anyway. This… trail. Like this—this big patch of carnage and you just in the middle of it, going blade-to-blade with this monster of a thief twice your size. Would you believe I was almost arrogant enough to think you needed my help?” His eyes shine feverishly, the moonlight catching off dead-fish-blue. “You brought him to heel like a misbehaving dog. He gave you a bloody nose and you just—just wiped at it like it was nothing. Didn’t it hurt? Always wanted to know if it hurt.”

“It hurt,” you manage, frozen with shock. He’s getting entirely too het-up too quickly, feverish in his excitement, pale cheeks flushed wine-red, and he moves closer as he waves his hands, eyes locked onto you like he’s a dog and you’re his master. It makes your blood feel too thick and too hot in your veins. 

“Thought so,” he breathes. “Thought it must’ve. It kinda… it sings, though. Doesn’t it?”

Stuck, you nod, though you only half understand what he’s talking about. 

Apparently satiated, Childe rubs the back of his neck bashfully. "Hah, sorry. You really get me talking, scourge."

"Don't give me the credit," you mumble. "It's one of your natural talents."

"Wanna see another one of my natural talents?" Childe grins; at your sharp look, he raises his hands placatingly, smile stretching ever wider. "I meant fighting, of course. C'mon. Truthfully, I've been thinking about it ever since that day. Fighting you."

He says that—fighting you—with the same sort of soft reverence one might reserve for making love or worshipping a deity. Like it's the centre of his world, the cell his heart was born from. You wonder how long it's been since Childe's days were anything but fighting, then reckon that that's probably a deliberate choice.

When he holds out a blunt wooden training staff out to you, his hands are perfectly steady. You heft it in your grip, getting used to the weight and balance. You're more accustomed to knives and swords, and small blades you can slip into your boot or belts, but you're not unfamiliar with polearms, exactly.

"Feel good?"

You jump; Childe's pressed closer to you in the time it took to examine your new weapon, and his words are accompanied with a brush of warm air across the back of your ear. "It's okay."

"Good! I want you at top form for this." He slopes off, twirling his own staff between gloved fingers obnoxiously. It makes a faint whistling sound against the warm night air. "Think you're ready?"

"Ready?" You can't help but sneer. "I don't need to be ready to fight a pest. I just do it."

Childe's grin is so wide that the flushed apples of his cheeks turn pointy. "Alright, killer. I've been looking forward to this for a while, and, y'know, I dunno when the next time is I'll meet someone as interesting as you... so don't disappoint me, yeah?"

The first crack of your staffs together sings.

It's an old melody, one you're attuned to, one you think you were born with. Impact shivers up your bones, disturbs the skin in a railroad of gooseflesh, sets your teeth on edge. There's the anticipation, the moment right before the new sensation turns uncomfortable or painful, like pressing down on a bruise, the moment before it starts hurting. The staffs gnash together like wooden teeth.

"You're quick," Childe says approvingly as you draw your arm back to your side, circling him in short steps. His eyes follow the lines of your body like he's trying to set you alight. You're not sure why you're doing this, actually—your relationship with Childe has been nothing but tepid the whole time he's been stinted in Liyue. From your end, anyways. He tends to sort of follow you around like a lost puppy when he has free time. No matter how many times you smack him and send him reeling, he always comes back with a bone clamped between his teeth, looking for fun.

A drink, a fuck. A fight. Maybe it's all sort of the same to him.

Your fight is a dance; Childe is undeniably skilled, and polearms aren't your first choice of weapon, so it's a fairly even fight despite your strength. Several times he moves far too quickly for you to comprehend—like you blink and he's shifted with the moonlight, gone from in front to behind you in a second. Laughing, poking, teasing until your blood is boiling despite the cold.

When you finally land a hit on him, it's sweet. Your staff cracks across his jaw with all the force of his annoyance to you over the last months, and Childe barely has time to widen his eyes before he crashes to the dirt. He lets out a pained grunt as he plants into the earth, and just as you're opening your mouth to gloat—

"Again."

It cracks into the night air like the crash of your staff against his jaw, pursed between wheezing breaths. His voice sings like cut piano strings, dissonant against what is happening. You stand over him, breathing hard, brow cinched as he sprawls in the dirt.

He's got chalky soil all over his pretty light uniform. He doesn't seem to care. Dull blue eyes blink up at you, round as pennies; you can see an angry welt raising on his jaw where your blow had made contact, flaring up scarlet against the pale skin. No doubt it will have flowered into a nasty bruise tomorrow, something the colour of overripe lavender melon.

But Childe grins.

You stumble back, frowning hard, and Childe makes a noise at the back of his throat as he sees you retreat. He scrambles messily to his feet, brushing dirt carelessly from his clothes.

"What?"

Childe cradles his jaw with a hiss. "You pack a punch. But I'm not done yet."

"You said again." You eye him warily, arms still not raised. "What did you..."

He huffs a laugh with a return of that boyish grin. "Ah, caught that, did you? I guess you could say I have a certain admiration for people who can land a hit on me. It's impressive. You're impressive."

Before you can decide whether he's swelteringly egotistical or just a pervert who gets off on pain, Childe lunges, swinging his sparring spear overhead; you shriek and parry it last-minute, your grip faltering enough that the wooden shafts collide with a harsh thwack; you don't fend the blow off completely thanks to your shoddy reaction time, but you manage to avoid getting struck in the head.

"Asshole," you grit out, stumbling left a few paces to get your bearings again; Childe circles you, twirling his spear between deft fingers with a sharp grin.

"I sensed your attention wandering," he shrugs. "You think you can hit me again?"

Your chin juts out, indignant. "Yeah. I'm stronger."

Beneath his lurid red hair, Childe's cheeks colour faintly. "Prove it, killer. Lemme feel it. Hit me—"

And he lunges, spear cracking through the air; this time, you're ready for it, seeing the telltale twitches of his body getting into formation before the pounce. You dodge his first hit, sending the tip of his spear sinking into the dirt, and whilst he's distracted with pulling it out you sweep the shaft of your own against the back of his knees. He buckles with a grunt, staggering, and you use his surprise to barrel your full body weight into his side.

He slips into the dirt, head thudding against the packed earth with a dull thud, and in your momentum you follow. By the time he's blinked the stars out of his eyes, your dagger is pressed up against his throat, nestled amongst the pale skin.

He breathes fast and sharp, a distinct contrast to his general collectedness. Your thighs cage his hips, and even from here you can feel his strength; his skin is shot through with sinew and iron. He could reach up, tussle, throw you off, put up a good fight. But he doesn't. He lays limp like a puppet with its strings cut, looking up at you with big, starry eyes—waiting for you to make the next move.

You come to a rather grim hypothesis.

The blunt tip of the dagger encroaches his skin, pushing in hard enough for blood to bead around it. Childe draws in a ragged gasp.

"Gonna kill me?" His tongue flicks out to wet his bottom lip. He says that like it's an act of worship, like carving his throat out with a cinquedea is akin to leaving incense at a shrine for a far-flung god. Like his blood would be spattered amongst the stars if only you spilled it. Your breath catches; you hadn't been ready for the rush of power Childe's perversion would give you. You can feel it nestling under your skin like a heartbeat.

"I think you could, if you wanted," Childe whispers, and then he shudders at the thought, pretty eyes fluttering closed. He looks like he isn't sparing two thoughts to your hand holding a knife to his throat; skin breaks, and blood makes a thin rivulet down his pale skin. "Mm. Maybe I'd—I'd even let you. You could ask real nice."

"You're hardly in a position to be making demands," you murmur, feeling quite frozen. "Why don't you just be quiet for once?"

At once, Childe falls silent.

His bottom lip has split; probably why he was tonguing at it earlier. Now, with nothing to stop it, blood makes a languid trail down the slope of his chin. With your free hand, with the curiosity of a child petting a stray animal for the first time, you swipe at the trail with the pad of your thumb. You track it up to the seam, the cut, the split, press down hard until the surrounding skin of his lip turns white. You can feel the short, hot shocks of his quick breath against the skin of your nail.

The flash of his tongue surprises you, sliding over the bloody pad of your thumb, cleaning up his mess. A dog licking at its own wounds. Your breath catches, but you've never known when you're wading too deep. It's your one weakness as a fighter. You always think you can take more than you can.

So you press deeper. Your thumb sinks into his mouth up to the knuckle, and Childe lets out a faint groan. There's the ghostly scrape of teeth before his lips close over the skin, tongue swirling over the mess of blood and chalky dirt on the blunt tip of the digit.

Somewhere in the back of your head, you register faintly that this is not normal. Your interactions with Childe have been limited, so far, to snarky deadpans, irritable smacks, and the occasional drink. If you have occasionally caught his eyes lingering on the collar of your shirt, or following you when you enter a room soaked in hilichurl gore, you've made no comment. You'd assumed it would fizzle out, anyway. He's Fatui. They're hardly known for staying in one place a significant portion of time—they're dark-dressed ravens, flocking from place to place and bringing suspicion and misery for a while before taking to the sky again.

But Childe is not scoring the horizon. He's in the dirt with your finger in his mouth, and it looks like he's right at home there.

He releases you with a wet pop. Saliva and blood make a diluted trail down to his chin, and his eyes have peeled open again—heavy and half-lidded, blue slate stone, scoring deep into you. Your body feels hot and too full.

He cracks a lazy smile. "Never seen you speechless before, scourge. Does this mean I win?"

And something snaps.

In a fluid movement, you grab both of his wrists and pin them to the ground beside his head. Childe grunts a sound of surprise as your fingers tighten on his wrists, back instinctively arching from the sudden pressure; one of his legs slips in the earth and knocks against your ankle. He blinks up at you, eyes practically bioluminescent in the night.

"You don't look much like a winner," you snarl.

"Depends on your position."

"You're the Tsaritsa's bitch," you spit. "And if not hers, Zhongli's, or was it Signora who was the last one to get one up on you? Really, you've been failing upwards so much lately it's getting hard to keep count."

Childe's eyes narrow, the first glimmer of defiance sparking in the blue. For the first time you feel him throw his weight behind his halfhearted squirming—he raises his hips to try and buck you off, tugs at your grip on his wrists with renewed vigour. His fighting back shouldn't spark something in you—it shouldn't—but you can feel yourself growing excited.

The thing is, you sort of like killing. People don't get into your line of work if they don't. There's something about holding something down and winning through nothing but sheer strength that makes you feel strong, like you've earned a place on this earth. Watching Childe's jaw tick in frustration the longer he goes without unseating you is making all sorts of dangerous ideas brew in your head.

It's just—maybe it's the drink, or the fight, but the world is still pleasantly pretty and still. And Childe looks sort of gorgeous with his brow all scrunched up like that, the hint of icy anger in his eyes, the gritted teeth. His neck is strained in such a way that bares every jut and bone to you, and you can see his pulse fluttering away under the taut skin, the bob of his adam's apple.

You want to bite it.

Some sort of magnetism pulls you down, nosing at the skin of his neck. Childe grunts, half-frustrated and half-confused when he feels your lips brush over his throat. He smells like salt and mead and copper, labour smells, but his skin here is smooth like it's never seen a day of wear.

"What're you—" Childe huffs out, but his mouth drops open with a choked noise when you seal your teeth in a ring over his neck and bite down. Not quite enough to hurt, you don't think, just enough to satisfy the weird part of you that's sparking for the urge to maim. "Archons, scourge."

Oh dear. His voice has gone all strangled and weak. You dare to release one of his wrists to cup the back of his neck, holding him still, brushing the feathery down of hair on his nape. Automatically, his free hand flies for you, but it stops short, hovering as if unsure.

You can almost feel him weighing his choices in his mind. He has a hand free, and you're not even looking at him. Even if he can't beat you outright, he'd do alright with the element of surprise. He could definitely knock you spinning and flee before you get your bearings.

You wait. Count the fast thuds of Childe's pulse against his neck. The muscles in his free arm go limp, and he wraps it around your waist to pull you closer.

Figuring you're done pretending, you skim your lips up his neck and jaw before catching his mouth in a hard, bruising kiss. Childe moans, softly, into your mouth, hand clenching hard over the fabric of your waist before sliding under. His fingers span out over the small of your back, worn leather and warm flesh, and you shudder despite yourself.

His lips are chapped, and you can taste blood still oozing from the split in the plush lower one. "Someone's sensitive," you gloat, and he huffs. "Not had time to get laid here?"

"What can I say?" Childe's breezy tone would be more believable it it wasn't coming out so strangled. "Been a busy guy. Don't seem to have time for m-many... simple pleasures."

"You always seemed to find time to annoy me, though," you say darkly.

"Less of a luxury, more of a need," Childe breathes. "You make just the most interesting faces when you're irritated."

"Yeah? That get you all wet?"

Childe laughs weakly. "Scourge, please. I'm but a blushing virgin. You'll burn my poor ears off."

You shoot an obvious glance down to the tent straining against Childe's slacks. "I can well believe that."

He squirms in embarrassment, the tips of his ears lighting up scarlet. His eyes blink up at you, the usual lusterless blue fleeing in wake of reflecting the thousands of stars above you, and he seems to glow from the inside out, for a moment. The coppery blood on his face catches the moonlight.

A tongue flicks out to wet his lips, a dog wetting its snout. "Won't you take pity, scourge?" he pleads. "You got me well and truly at your mercy. You win. So..."

Before you can stop to consider the ramifications of your actions, your free hand has already scrambled to his belt buckle. Childe's breath catches, eyes widening as he registers your movements as the brass clinks in the silence. For a moment there's nothing but the hasty shuffling of clothing as you shuck Childe's dirt-streaked trousers down his thighs, his hips lifting to assist. There's a small furrow between his brows, his cheeks alight with a blush that makes his freckles sing against his skin.

The skin of his thighs catches, milk-white in the moonlight. Even here, scars have made their home, pink or bruise-dark, crisscrossing over the flesh in railroads. You get his trousers down past his knees before you stop bothering; he's left in dark underclothes, erection so stiff it's pulling the thin fabric taut, and the slit in his shirt that you've always found obscene betrays the quick, shallow bursts of his breath.

His throat flexes when he swallows. "Are you really going to—mmmgh!"

Childe sputters to a halt with a rather embarrassing high-pitched noise as you cup him through his boxers. You roll your palm experimentally over the tip of the tent, and his eyes flutter shut, rolling back against his skull with a pretty, desperate noise. This side of him is so foreign, but so familiar, so obvious, you wonder why you didn't think of it before.

"Ah, fuck," Childe swears, already sounding breathless. With how obvious he's always been, the lazy slide of his eyes, you'd assumed he had at least some experience—but maybe your teasing just a moment ago was a little more on the nose than you'd anticipated. He's unusually sensitive. "Scourge, I don't—"

"Stop calling me that," you mutter, pulling the fabric of his underwear till it strains against his cock, and he swallows back a gasp, spine arching against the dirt. "Did you want something?"

"You're so cruel," he whines. "Y/n, Archons, please—"

"Alright, alright, you big baby," you sigh, shedding his soaked underwear. Childe shudders, thighs tightening under you as he hits the cold air. The strain of his arousal and the chafing fabric is obvious; pre drips eagerly from the reddish tip, and he fits neatly into your palm when you swipe over the leaking hands before wrapping your fingers around him. Childe jolts into the touch, cursing under his breath, and as you start to jerk him off his lashes flutter. His blue eyes roll to the heavens and his head thumps against the earth with a long, shaky moan.

The night fills with noise, somewhere between what you find obscene and what sends heat rushing between your own legs as your fist pumps lazily up his length. Childe is more receptive than you would've put money on, gasping and swearing, hiccuping small, wounded noises in the back of his throat. His brow is scrunched, lips slack and wet with saliva, eyes screwed shut. His hips jump like they have a brain of their own.

You squeeze, prompting a panicked noise; Childe's eyes fly open and find your sly smile. "You look pretty," you tell him. Childe goes scarlet.

"W-wha?" he dredges up intelligently, frowning. "Why'd you—what?"

You find it funny that you've literally got your hand around his cock, but calling him pretty is apparently what crosses the line in flustering him. You cock your head, grinning.

"You don't think?" you coo. "I think you're lovely like this. I never realised how attractive you'd be once you shut your mouth. Maybe I should beat you in a fight more often."

"W-wouldn't complain," Childe pants, still alight with a feverish blush.

"I'm sure," you say noncommitally. "You fucking whore."

Childe moans, loud and shameless, and his free hand flails to scratch his nails down his own skin. "D-don't stop, fuck, don't stop—"

You stare at the scarlet railroads left on the pale skin of his stomach, and with your free hand yank up his shirt to his chest. Childe lets out a startled sound, looking at you with round, surprised eyes. His torso is littered with scars, raised and pale and dark against freckled skin. He is pretty. You love the marks of his exertions and pains, a history of his losses mapped out over his body. One of his nipple has a healed slash running right through it; when you reach up and tweak it, Childe shudders.

"Anyone would think you like losing," you murmur.

Childe looks at you weakly, crying out when your hand resumes at a faster pace. "Like it when—hnn—when it's real. I like it when they don't hold back. 'S why I'm just—hah!—e-enamoured with you, I guess."

"'Cause I'm ruthless?" you quip.

Childe flutters his lashes. "Nice enough to let me come, I hope," he says sweetly, and it makes your cheeks burn momentarily with embarrassment, the brazenness of his statement. "I'm not above begging."

"I liked you better when you were quiet," you mutter, and swipe your thumb hard over the slit. Childe yelps, muscles melting like butter, and when you start rubbing cruelly like you've found some sort of button his face flames, his mouth drops open, and he lets out a wailing noise, legs thrashing.

"Archons," he keens, but with your free hand you seize and handful of his hair and pull, hard.

"No Archons," you snarl. "Just me."

Tears prick at the corners of Childe's eyes as he rolls his hips to meet your unrelenting strokes, whimpering. "Y-yes, yeah, just you, just you, do that again."

You oblige, dig your fingers into the red hair so deep your nails scrape his scalp, and tug. The tears spill over Childe's lashline as he chokes on the moan that bursts from him at the movement.

"Keep it there," he begs, thighs shaking. "Pleasepleaseplease—"

"You close?" you ask innocently. "Already?"

There's no more pretence; the fine line of pleasure and pain seems to have wrought Childe down to only basic instincts, as his hips roll against your hand as you fist his length rough and quick, head tipped right back against the ground, exposing the heaving column of his throat. The toned concave of his stomach flexes with each punched-out breath, the scars coiling and elongating respectively.

"Please," Childe sobs in answer. "I'll be good, be real good, I'm close..."

You surge forward, digging your face into Childe's neck as you speed up your pace, and sink your teeth into the soft skin at the junction of his neck and shoulder. Hard enough for blood to bubble under your lips, hard enough for Childe to let out a strangled scream as he comes all over your hand, spilling over your fingers and his stomach in pearly arcs.

He's panting when you pull back, winces as you dislodge your teeth and unwind your fingers from his hair. He touches the bite mark with a wince and hiss, examining the blood on his fingers with light interest. It really shouldn't surprise or arouse you nearly as much when he dips them into his mouth and licks them clean.

"Degenerate," you tell him. Childe smiles crookedly, the flush on his face still stark red.

"There's this old saying about a pot and a kettle," he says, voice still weak and shaky.

The bite mark is leaking. As he reaches for you, you get the fleeting thought that it will leave another scar to add to his masses, another permanent trophy of another loss.

A loss to you.

And you smile.

[papilio-anima]

"Interesting....my clients do the same. Just more permanently"

@papilio-anima asked: “How do you sleep at night?” ➠ sentence meme. | accepting !

❛  most  people  like  to  close  their  eyes.  ❜

[enemui]

⁉️What your favorite Genshin Impact character says about you🫵

🐰Amber: Your favorite Pokémon is Eevee and your favorite Sanrio character is My Melody.

🌹Lisa: You're not scared of smart women but you are scared of interesting women.

🛡️Noelle: You don't know shit and plan on keeping it that way.

🫧Barbara: You either sell or buy gamer girl bathwater.

🦇Fischl: You're quarter-delusional. Like, you are delusional, but sometimes you're aware that you are delusional.

☘️Bennett: You have a soft spot for miserable little creatures and you desperately need a bigger character trait than that.

🍖Razor: You love dogs, even if they're old, ugly little goblins.

🐱Diona: You love cats and hate alcohol. Those are two rare instances of you feeling strongly about anything.

🔮Mona: You were assigned financial irresponsibility at birth, and haven't managed to do anything to change your fate.

🗡️Rosaria: You think having a healthy biorhythm is overrated. You also look like a human cigarette.

🖌️Mika: You let your feelings of pity towards others control you.

🍀Klee: You're the fun parent. You probably own a spoiled pet.

🦴Sucrose: You actually love to talk, people just hate to listen.

🧪Albedo: You're gay and neurodivergent.

❄️Eula: You're weak to corporate tricks. You should really work on that.

🦚Kaeya: You're not known to have functional relationships and healthy coping mechanisms.

🦉Diluc: You think you could get an edgy boy to open up to you. You couldn't because the moment someone is even a little cold to you, you will cry.

🦁Jean: You always order the same thing from the menu. Not because it's your favorite, but because you're scared of trying anything new.

🍏Venti: If being horny and annoying was a sport, you'd be an Olympic athlete.

🐇Yaoyao: You can be sold anything with a cute mascot plastered on it.

🌶️Xiangling: You wonder how a lot of different things taste like and you need to be stopped.

🧊Chongyun: There's a great disparity between how you want to be perceived versus how you are actually perceived.

💦Xingqiu: You are knowingly annoying and don't plan to stop anytime soon.

🎸Xinyan: You're misunderstood, but you definitely don't make an effort to be anything else.

⚰️Hu Tao: Your self-proclaimed pranks have resulted in actual damages to people's mental and physical well-being.

🎼Yun Jin: You've projected onto your partner before to the point you lost the ability to identify their actual character.

🥥Qiqi: You aren't swayed by public opinions.

🐍Baizhu: Close the wikipedia tab with a list of terminal diseases, you're fine, just severely dramatic.

🏔️Shenhe: You've been in abusive relationships. Not sure if as the victim or perpetrator, but you were in them.

🎲Yelan: You'd be perfectly content as a housewife. Just do chores and read smut.

⚓️Beidou: You don't mind putting in the work to change things to be more to your liking.

💎Ningguang: You have no qualms sucking up to people for a bit of societal advantage.

🍤Keqing: You've entered relationships before, thinking you could change them. No, that absolutely did not go well for you.

⚖️Yanfei: It's not just your exes who suck, you have an entire toxic friend group.

🔔Ganyu: You have an elaborate power fantasy about quitting your job.

🫖Madame Ping: You're a classy lesbian.

⚙️Guizhong: You present your opinions as facts.

☁️Cloud Retainer: You've been in a situation when you've found your girlfriend's mom more attractive than your girlfriend.

🪽Xiao: You're non-binary and depressed.

🐉Zhongli: You need a man to kiss the back of your hand. Also you have a strained relationship with your father.

🍁Kaedehara Kazuha: You don't care about looks, only vibes. You're also addicted to adderall.

🍃Sayu: You are serious about the silly and silly about the serious. Sometimes it's funny, other times you deserve to be dropkicked into the sun.

🎁Kirara: You have a crippling addiction to adorable girls.

🦌Shikanoin Heizou: You are guilty of the "thinking with your dick/pussy". Don't try to deny it, you didn't even care until his birthday became a national holiday.

⚡️Kuki Shinobu: You have better things to do than a well-paying job, such as arson.

👹Arataki Itto: You are a size queen. You also think you're way more interesting than you actually are.

🎇Yoimiya: You've had a crush on the same person for the longest time and every time you think you're over them, they make a request of you and you jump on it like a dog.

👺Kujou Sara: You could probably use hormonal therapy.

🍡Thoma: You think appearances don't matter as long as he's nice. You're also a terrible judge of character, so all your exes are just overall shitty people.

🪭Kamisato Ayaka: You cannot survive without your established social circle. Were it not for the luxuries of civilization, you'd be dead in a ditch.

🧋Kamisato Ayato: You have no self-respect, if a slightly above average man tells you to do something, you'll do it.

🐕Gorou: You don't need a man, you need a dog.

🪸Sangonomiya Kokomi: You don't know how to dress well, but you really want a girlfriend who does.

🦊Yae Miko: You think as long as a woman is hot, she can do whatever the fuck she pleases.

🌸Raiden Ei: You've been in a relationship with an unmedicated mentally ill person and walked out of that experience having learned nothing.

🧞‍♀️Dori: The world would be better off without you.

🌻Tighnari: You have an attitude and you refuse to reign it in no matter how inappropriate for the situation it is.

🪴Collei: You either have no idea what you're doing or you should be in jail.

🪷Nilou: You live quite blissfully, but dealing with you isn't easy. This is called ignorance.

✨Layla: Your best exam results come from days when you showed up to class hungover and on 45 minutes of sleep.

📐Faruzan: Your family broke the generational curse, which somehow had a negative impact on your character.

🪻Candace: You are the mom friend, but only because you have to be. Like, you're a mess, but you're a lot less of a mess than your friends.

🌺Dehya: You can draw yourself symmetrical eyeliner.

🃏Cyno: You probably have a good moral compass, but you still aren't easy to get along with.

🦅Alhaitham: You're, like, severely delusional. You either think he's like you or that you could be on good terms with him. Both of those are clear signs of delusional behavior.

🕊️Kaveh: I hate to break it you, but buying stuffed animals can't substitute for going to therapy.

☂️Wanderer: Most of the time, you're really cute, but you can be absolutely terrifying if you so choose. You're also trans.

💉Dottore: You're fairly submissive but if someone makes you mad, you'll make sure they regret it.

🌱Nahida: You're addicted to winning arguments. You don't even need to be right, you just need to feel like you've won, even if you resort to the method of wearing a person down until they no longer want to continue debating with you.

🌂Navia: You have leadership skills specifically in the "do as I say, not as I do" department.

🐧Freminet: You're non-binary and have anxiety.

🎩Lynette: You're very patient but you'd rather not be.

🪄Lyney: You have a dark secret and the dark secret is that you're actually a Danganronpa girlie.

🍷Arlecchino: You're not a good person but you genuinely don't think it's that bad.

⚔️Clorinde: You have fallen prey to misinformation on numerous occasions before.

🩹Sigewinne: You'd sacrifice your liver to keep a person happy.

🐺Wriothesley: You can be appeased by an act of hot girl shit.

🌊Neuvillette: You need a man to kiss the back of your hand. Also you have a strained relationship with your mother.

💧Furina: You're delusional. Could be affectionate, could be derogatory, it varies from person to person.

🦟Paimon: You don't know shit but you have an opinion on everything.

🐋Tartaglia: Your exes all belong in jail. So does your current and next partner. You never fucking learn, do you?

💰Pantalone: You don't need a healthy relationship, you need a sugar daddy.

🖤Capitano: You are, amongst other things, a monsterfucker. You want to be destroyed, but, like, lovingly.

🎀Columbina: You are a mix of a pomeranian and a Biblically accurate angel.

🎭Pierro: You are fatherless on an Olympic level. You don't need a father, you need a daddy.

💫Lumine: You're a hot girl. You're either stupid or evil, but you're a hot girl. If you're not a girl, you are a red flag.

☄️Aether: You have a crippling crop top addiction and you have no idea what to do with your hair.

🌌Dainsleif: You date people before getting to know them, but don't understand why you don't get along with your partners.

[zoropookie]

HOW HATERS ARE BORN (HHAB)

♡ chapter twenty-four — not friends. (💋)

[[ ALL WRITTEN CHAPTER ]] tw: lots of swearing, slight violence

Hu Tao didn’t think it was going to be this thorough working with Heizou.

For the past thirty minutes since four o’ clock in the morning, Heizou’s been doing nothing except making sure everybody in the group they came with was asleep. Checking all of the rooms and making sure they were accounted for while Hu Tao stood at the crook of the doorway in front of where Scaramouche was sleeping.

She truly wanted to find it funny, being the prankster herself. But she wasn’t laughing. “If you’re going to be patient with this, we may as well wait until he wakes up.”

“You can’t interrupt a crime scene like this. They’d just apprehend you.” Heizou whispered back, as quiet as the stillness in the night, continuing to trace his own steps back to the other rooms.

Hu Tao’s patience wore thin as she clenched her teeth, trying to contain her frustration by grabbing his arm and clawing her manicured nails into the meat of his forearm. “This floor is about to be a crime scene if you don’t fucking lock in, buster. You’re about to ruin it for both of us!”

"Ouch- alright, alright. Let go." Heizou winced, taking her silent warning.

With a begrudging nod, Hu Tao released her iron grip and approached the door with cautious steps, Heizou holding his own phone with his camera open at the ready.

She paused, turning to him and pointed a finger. "Remember, we're just looking. Don't accidentally send anything to anyone."

"Don't need to tell me twice, I feel grimy just doing this."

"And not kidnapping the kid?"

"You want me to be a child predator so bad-" Heizou was able to finish his sentence until he was cut off by a rustling in the distance.

"What are you guys doing?" A small voice asked from afar.

The both of them froze, slowly turning their bodies towards the source of the noise. Even when the hallway was as big as it was, the sound didn't seem to echo through the stillness of the night.

But the rustling stopped once a silhouette appeared from under a blanket and began to rush towards the other two. Hu Tao's heart damn near fell out of her ass, flinching at how fast Nahida came into vision.

"Holy shit," Hu Tao held her hands up in faux defense.

Heizou squinted at the girl before crossing his arms over his chest. "What are you doing awake, Nahida. Growing children need their sleep every night."

"Spare me the patronizing, Heizou. What are you guys doing in front of his room?"

"Wow. I didn't even know what 'patronizing' meant at that age." Hu Tao puffed her cheeks. "Maybe you're right, Heizou. My bad."

Heizou narrowed his eyes, reveling in his victory for a bit until he cleared his throat. His demeanor shifted into a nonchalance. "We were about to talk a walk. Just happened to be in front of someone's room."

Nahida raised an eyebrow, "At four in the morning? Sneaking directly towards his room?"

"He has the better patio view." Hu Tao chimed in. "You know how it is, sometimes you just need a little bit of fresh air."

Nahida was obviously not buying it. "Right." She said with a drawl as she looked at Hu Tao and Heizou dubiously. "And I'm the Empress of Snezhnaya. Don't act like I don't know that you two are plotting to take Scaramouche down."

"Foiled again," Hu Tao gritted her teeth. "Okay, we wanted to see if he had anything on his phone. Who wouldn't be curious? That guys a briefcase of suspicion, and I'm going to open it."

Heizou cringed, shooting Hu Tao a glare before sighing. "Yeah, Nahida. This would be a huge step in my investigation."

"You're unbelievable." Nahida responded with a disappointed frown. "If you really were curious about whether Scaramouche was doing something, it'd be less of an issue to just...oh, you know, ask him yourself? Not invading his privacy?"

"Now you know me directly asking a question would cramp my style." Heizou huffed. "We're not going to do anything except gather evidence. If there is none, we're out right away. Okay?"

There was something that was aching in Nahida, almost as if no matter what were to happen if she let them do this, things were going to go entirely wrong. With or without this happening, there was no keeping it at bay.

"Just be careful." Nahida looked in between them, sighing as her expression softened by a lot. "Whatever you find, handle it responsibly. I'm sure he's been through a lot of trouble with his own people already. We don't need more of it."

Hu Tao saluted. "No unnecessary risks. Gotcha."

Within an hour, they found themselves sitting in the corner of Scaramouche's room, looking through his phone. The soft glow of his phone casting a shadow on their faces. Every now and then, Heizou would take photos from his camera of what he'd think would be evidence for the future.

The both of them fell silent, hardly making an effort to talk to each other as they both became too interested in the contents. For some reason, seeing his life so formulated and established made it harder for Hu Tao to go through it.

"I think I'm done." She whispered before sighing, leaning back against the wall. "He's not even that bad of a guy. Ei is just a publicity demon."

"You're giving up?" Heizou looked at her.

"Yeah. I thought I would be happier to look through his things, but it seems like..." While Hu Tao was taking brief glances, her eyebrows raised at a certain detail that she missed while she was sitting there. "Wait a minute...what's that?"

"Huh?"

"He has a second account." Hu Tao pointed at the screen once she swiped the menu to Twitter. "See? It's the little circle with the 3d girl on it."

"You can make second accounts linked to your main?" Heizou scrunched up his nose. "I guess that would've been nice to know when I posted my abs on social media and the office job I tried applying to found it."

Hu Tao stared at him for a second, wanting to respond, but shook her head and continue scanning through his feed. "Sneaky little fucker." She laughed in disbelief. "I mean, I guess not- it's all just random posts too. He's not following anyone on this ac-"

Once Hu Tao tapped on his icon, her eyes widened. There was a mountain sized chill that came coursing through her body. One that she thought she'd never experience ever since (Y/N) cursed the entire Inazuma group out on their livestream.

Justsofamous338. An account from the series of accounts from Justsofamous.

"Oh my go-" She stopped herself from being too loud. "Oh my...fucking god. Heizou..." She said, her breath failing her.

"Jackpot, eh?" Heizou murmured, staring interested at the screen.

Her hands visibly trembled as she pressed the messages, her eyes glued to the screen. There were no messages from this account in particular, but the fact that he was even signed in was indicator enough. "He posted on this account two times. Both cryptic, but he definitely knows that you're looking for who he is."

Heizou was genuinely in disbelief that they both were met with a side of the sleeping Scaramouche that they didn't know about until now. How? How was somebody like that so capable of what he said to (Y/N)?

Either way, Hu Tao felt herself come to a boiling point. And with that pent up anger that she's yet to know what to deal with, she hardly slept for the rest of the night.

You didn’t know where you were for a good minute.

Despite how long you were out for, there was a nagging feeling inside of you that you should wake up soon after all the stress left. Your eyes fluttered awake, leaving your body to be wracked by the copious amounts of physical exercise you did the night before. If there was one thing you hated doing in the morning, it was waking up in general…and hurting.

But even with your pain and disorient, you still managed to regain your consciousness. The memories of the previous night, and how embarrassing they were, flooding back. You put your head in your hands, groaning in a miserably agony. “Why did I say that?!” You yelled.

“Stupid, so stupid. What the fuck?!”

It hung heavy in your mind, eyes dulling. You weren’t about to let it ruin your day, but the more you sat alone in the room that used to have Tohma and Ayaka’s sleeping bodies, the more you wonder if you’re in the backrooms or not.

After a few moments of looking at the groovy texture and the zig zags of the clock, you felt your resolve return. You put on your socks and slip ons, heading towards the sliding door and opening it…

Only to be met with Scaramouche on the other side. You almost screamed, but not because of him. It was because of how the barely cooked meat of the Shoyu ramen in his hands was touching the rest of the ingredients.

“Ah yes, my reminder of the unfortunate appears again.” You murmured grimly.

“What?” Scaramouche couldn’t help but let out a small scoff.

“Nothing. Morning, Kuni. Didn’t take you to be the type to wake up on the dot.” You tilted your head. “Something’s gone awry.”

“I wanted to see how you were doing in there. It’s almost one in the afternoon.” Scara said, holding the ramen outward towards you. “Breakfast. It’s really hot, so be careful.”

“I already had breakfast, Kuni.” You said, eyeing the ramen warily.

“You just woke up.”

“Yeah?” You contested with the same amount of attitude he gave you. “It’s called eating in your sleep. I’m good off your red ass meat. You didn’t even cook it.”

“You don’t eat it when it’s red, dickhead. You put it in the broth to cook it. That’s why it’s a conversational dish.”

“Spoken as if you want to have…conversation with me?” You asked as you wiggled your eyebrows. “Man, just say you have it hot for me already. This is embarrassing.”

“You wish, chucklefuck.” Scara said disgustedly as his violet eyes moved from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet. He couldn’t get past how ridiculous your pajama set was. “Lightning McQueen?”

“Limited edition. Like my crocs too?” You put your hands in your pockets, sticking one leg out so he could look at the full set easier. “You can afford a house in this day and age, but I can afford something you’ll never be able to get a day in your life without pulling out a mortgage. Eat that.”

“I’m sure I can live without it.”

“Nobody can ever live without the kachow in their life.” You snickered, motioning him over to the table. “Thanks for the ramen.”

You couldn't shake off the weird feeling around you as you sat down with him at the dining table. Tohma and Ayaka were already out of bed somewhere, and none of the rest were around to your knowledge.

You found yourself lingering in the ruminating thought, dipping the meat in the broth for a minute. "Hm," You mulled, "Long start to the day, huh? Were you the first awake?"

"I wouldn't be surprised." He shrugged, "I wanted to make sure everyone was accounted for."

"Ooh, the hospitality." You smiled. "Looks like you're already ahead of everyone else. Always on top of things."

"Are you impressed?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Impressed? Slightly. Planning to take advantage of it? Quite." You tried to keep your tone casual in case it was just you that felt this way. "Hey, uh...sorry about last night."

As he looked up, meeting your gaze, you almost wanted to look away. You could tell that he was trying to think about it. "What did you do last night?"

You hesitated, unsure of how to broach the topic. "...If you forgot about it, it probably wasn't even that important."

Even though the both of them sat in a comfortable silence, it was suddenly broken by Hu Tao busting through the doors of where she was "sleeping". Whatever was solidified as peace throughout their silence was destroyed, as there was now obvious tension.

Her eyes darted between the two of you, and you could practically see the metaphorical gears turning in her mind as she approached. She was visibly stiff, lacking any lax in her jaw. "Nice to grace us with your presence Scaramouche. Or something like that." You exchanged a hesitant glance with her, sitting back in your chair once you put a piece of meat in your mouth. "Did you just wake up? Why are you all clammy?" "No." Hu Tao hissed. "You thought you were fucking notorious, didn't you? Thought that you could just decide to coexist with us, huh?"

"What are you on about?" Scaramouche's brows furrowed.

"You tell me, Justsofamous." Hu Tao's voice was almost gravelly and aggravated, tossing her phone with all of the evidence popped up in her photos app. A storm was live and raging inside of her veins, turbulent and fierce. "Yeah, thought you could hoe us all out with that one? Playing with us like some fools, taking advantage of our obliviousness. Fuck you."

Your mouth twitched in disbelief looking at the said photos, looking slowly back at Scaramouche.

His face didn't say anything particularly outstanding, but there was something wrong about how he looked rather than his neutrality. Your heart began to beat with an extra pulse than you were accustomed to, trying to keep the adrenaline at bay.

"What's she talking about?" You asked him, holding the chopsticks in your hand with a tighter grip. "Scaramouche?"

"Scaramouche is Justsofamous, and him and Aether are like this." Hu Tao locked her fingers together. "They never stopped talking to each other. In fact, he's literally in the same group chat as all of our ops. Crazy, right?" Hu Tao shouted, causing the rest of the group to come out from where they were to see the scene.

You faltered in your look, feeling your entire being be worn down by the sudden outcome of your morning. "Scaramouche, say something." Tears formed in your eyes, entire face intense. "Say something..." You whispered.

But even though he was being put on the spot, there was no other way he could put it other than a small sigh in the end. "Surprise." He sat back, staring at you dead in the eye with uncertainty.

You became molten lava on the inside. Your hands were trembling with the same mixture of rage that burned within you like hot coals. And then all of a sudden, it was like all of the things that he called you, the blatant way he talked to you before he even knew you, his lack of hesitance when he poured coffee on you. The way he insulted you proudly, despite being in the wrong. He wasn't betting on being your friend, nor even an acquaintance. You knew, and you still gave him the benefit of the doubt.

He was taunting you.

In the grip of your emotions, your vision went red. Like a tempest unleashed against your body, you raged. The tears streaming down your cheeks were bitter, you were being crushed by a boulder of betrayal. "You...YOU!" You could barely make out your words from how choked up you were.

You rose from your chair in a flash, your chest ragged and heaving as you knocked the Shoyu ramen on the ground, the crash of glass and the food slightly burning you. "You fucking asshole!" You screamed louder and louder, and began coming closer and closer towards Scaramouche, pushing him.

"You got a fucking kick out of it, didn't you?! You LOVED acting like the savior, just so I could get comfortable. Fuck. You. You cum gargling piece of fucking shit!" You started pushing on his shoulder to intimidate him. "Tell me how much you loved getting under my fucking skin! Huh?! TELL ME." You screamed in his face, but you couldn't even bare to listen to him.

Your cries strangled your throat as Tohma held you back. You noticed Scaramouche's face pale, trying so hard not to break his composure but now refusing to make eye contact with you. His expression betrayed him, and you knew that he regretted it, but unsure of whether he meant it.

Did it matter anyway? You destroyed everything in your path, from paintings to throwing furniture around. Nothing was left untouched until Tohma held you back. His grip on your arms tightened, his voice a steady anchor amidst the chaos. "Hey, calm down. It's not worth it."

You were almost beyond reason until then, you dropped to your knees despite all the force keeping you from it, and you sobbed violently. "What the fuck is wrong with you?!" You said with a full voice, screaming again, this time in a lot more pain your heart could exuberate. "You're rotten, Scaramouche. You're fucking rotten."

Having everything shattered in you wasn't fair, you knew it, and so did he. It's why he stared down at you with a flicker of vulnerability, a crack in the facade of his own indifference.

And no matter how much he wanted to respond, to defend himself, he couldn't. Because in the end, maybe all that this situation was destined for was damnation.

previous ♡ masterlist ♡ next

YOU ARE on your way to being one of the hottest streamer in your nation at the moment, racking a monthly average of 10 million viewers, but something specific bothers you about it. you know that a lot of people hate you, but there's this one account. one account that's been following you since the early days of your career. they leave a flood of rude comments in your stream, your moderators banned each account they made, but they keep making more. you are at the end of your tether. but you are yet to find out that this persistent cockroach is none other than your friend's friend (and the only other streamer that's bigger than you), scaramouche.

taglist ♡ @thystarsshine @veekoko @gumickajolli @simonisferal @kamiboo

@justpeachyteastea @feiherp @pinkismyfavcolor @aether-darling @kunisnaomi

@keiiqq @mine-lu @featuredtofu @danhenglovebot @k4zushi

@kyon-cherri @b4tm4nn @iiinaurate @quacking-simp @auroratumbles

@kookiibun @ulquiorraswife @amvpk01 @simplysm1le @h3xi2g0n3

@alatusorrow @scaranthropy @mellowberrie @magica-ren @vernith

@kabukipookie @bananasquash @suqarlaced @dellalyra @lightyagamifan

@yourfavoritefreakyhan @heartsforseo @yomishen @pwushizz @swivy123

@strxwberryfetish @ibyobi @ashfrommars4 @chemiru @ainnofinway

@agaygothicmushroom @levianamor @dragontammerz @wth121 @lylovw

@morgyyyyyyy @lovemari @suniika @melpomenelurks @liuaneee @yumejo89 (bold users means i'm having trouble tagging you)

[dookiecurly]

Homie, give us some Dai headcannons of his s/o being half cat since he gives golden retriever boyfriend vibes :)

- Anon Emzz aka @tiredemzz

(Fluff please, no nsfw.)

Daisuke with a half - cat S/O

First of all, what? How do you exist? Alien, or perhaps the world of mouthwashing has a few critters around ( considering they’re sending to a different planet, I’ll just assume it’s like… alien or other planet place. )

Okay, do you want the cute part first or the serious part first? Either way, we’ll go cute.

He gives off golden retriever boyfriend vibes. I feel like the first time you meet he's like, holy shit! But family friendly because, according to the fandom, his life’s background music is probably the music they played for those old toy unboxing videos.

Loves cliche dates. Amusement parks, beach picnic (he’ll go play in the water, and if you don’t like water he’ll splash you. Or drag you in idgaf. ). I feel like.. cat cafes? He thinks you want to reconnect with.. your relatives.

Other than that, i think he just.. thinks you're cute. Like any SENSIBLE person who looks at a cat would think.

Imo, he accessorizes your cat ears with.. whatevee he can ( it probably wont hurt that much, right? It's like clip-on earrings ). If you have a tail, he'll put bracelets on it. Don't fight me on this one, he will, and i don't care what you say. YOU'RE WRONG unless its "yes" and no ands or buts or maybes.

Mayhaps he will learn about cat behaviours just to see how your mood is... Like your tail... And stufff.....

Likes tracing fur patterns. He also tries to imitate your purring, and also just.. try to imitate because he thinks you're cool.

You wanna get onto the serious part? Don't read this if you don't wanna ruin his image in your head. ( Bc i know some of you want him to be all nice and fluffy. )

I personally think that he'd be intrusive at times. He'd go against your boundaries (but not in a way that he'd touch you weirdly on purpose), i mean that he'd be too overhyped and accidentally be a little.. just a littttllleee overwhelming.

Don't worry, he'll apologize. He'll get the message, or not. Either way, if you tell him what he did wrong, he'll understand and try to make it right

I feel like he has this IMPULSIVE need to do grand gestures for you even if it's unnecessary. It's your birthday? OH FUCK, PARTY!!! You're sad.......? Let's go steal one of the letters from the HOLLYWOOD sign ( ref )

Tell him to stop if you don't like it, he will. I think. He has the need to make his parents proud, so he wants you to be proud as well. He really wants you to be proud, like really really proud of him.

Also, if you ask him, he'll help you get shit in your games. Like, if you want a character from, let's say Hu Tao genshin impact, he'll definitely grind for you day and night. He'll catch your favourite Pokémon and use it for all his runs and win even if the pokemon is considered shitty.

Yeah that's all

[k4zushi]

[ 08 ] GONNA SHIT MYSELF WTAF

status : unedited, written 01/04/24 ☆ word count : 0.8k

Y/N’S POV ⟡ COSTUME ROOM

every time you willed the universe to give you a break it found a way to somehow make matters worse.

it all started with your conversation with hu tao earlier that morning. the incident with albedo made sure that your nerves were on edge pretty much the entire day but what your friend said made you want to move across the globe and never return.

maybe if she hadn’t mentioned the possibility of running into a certain grey haired man maybe none of this would’ve happened in the first place.

you were silently freaking out at every random interaction you had. despite knowing the fact that you had no overlapping classes with cyno as he was a computer science major while you were studying fashion design; meaning you’d be studying on opposite sides of the campus.

honestly that made you even more nervous because alongside your history of “short lived crushes”, you also had a track record of bad luck. not one that could compare to a certain blonde engineering major but still bad nonetheless.

play practice was going half decently well. you had managed to escape interacting with others in the theater as you were mostly confined to the space of the costume room along side a couple other students.

it felt like you could finally breathe for the first time that day since you weren’t constantly trying to hide your presence.

“hey y/n i’m going to step out for a bit to measure some of the actors in the theater!” hu tao said, standing in the doorway. “you’ll be okay here by yourself right?”

you looked up from the racks you were sorting through.

“yea no worries. just looking through these racks from the previous years for anything we can use” you replied before turning your focus back to the costumes.

“thanks, we’ll make send anyone down if they have any questions!!” your bestfriend responded before turning to walk out.

you let out a hum in response fully diverting your attention.

it was peaceful being alone in the costume room. it was kind of dusty and cluttered but it was also filled to the brim with clothes, accessories, and fabric. the fashion design major in you was sobbing from the amount of things you could mess around with.

you were snapped out of your little headspace when you detected a new presence in the room.

curious, you peeked out from behind the racks. that, however, was your first mistake.

“um.. are you y/n?” a slightly familiar voice questioned.

you were trying to connect the dots as to why this person’s voice sounded familiar and it finally hit you as your eyes landed on the one person you didn’t want to interact with.

“yea!! how’d you know?” you said in a overly friendly tone in an attempt to cool your nerves.

cautiously, you stepped out from behind the racks to face the guy you had been avoiding all day.

“i was sent down here by hu tao,” cyno explained. “i’m cyno.”

“ohh i guess that makes sense, it’s nice to meet you! i’m on costume design for the play, just thought i should mention,” you paused to think, head tilted to the side in confusion before you continued. “did you need something from me?”

cyno shook his head.

“no, not really. just wanted to ask you a question if that’s okay”

“if it’s about costumes or the play you know i’m more than happy to answer them for—“

“do you happen to be friends with albedo?” cyno interrupted.

your sweat dropped and your nervous system started to go haywire. the urge to book it out the room and flee was overriding all of your other thoughts.

“oh haha.. uh albedo huh?” you said nervously. that was your second mistake.

“so you do???” cyno narrowed his eyes at you and took a step forward as you took a step back.

“yes…?” you looked around hoping that anyone come to your rescue and interrupt the unwanted confrontation.

when cyno took a step forward, you took a step back to maintain a safe distance away from the intimidating, yet extremely attractive, male.

this cycle continued.

that was until you realized you had effectively cornered yourself against a wall next to one of the costume racks. your third mistake.

you mentally facepalmed at your lack of spacial awareness.

“then does that mean you’re the one he was talking about?” he took another step closer.

“ahaha i have NO CLUE what you’re talking about cyno!!” you said trying to laugh off the sudden tension.

you were starting to panic. not only was this costume room stuffy and triggering your asthma but you also found it particularly hard to breathe when a really attractive guy was practically interrogating you.

and that’s how you found yourself in this awkward predicament that made you wish you had a twin that swallowed you in the womb.

‘i should just quit life huh’

“y/nnnn do you know where the measuring tape is?? it wasn’t in the theater and i can’t find— WHAT THE FUCK????”

prev ︴masterlist ︴next

AUTHOR’S NOTES : note that the costume room is going to play a ( somewhat big ) part of the story btww (*´▽`*) this was also kinda a nightmare to write bc i was fist fighting w/ the dialogue and awkward word repetition way too much😕

cyno is so silly.. ik this is from y/n’s pov so it’s hard to tell bc of his bluntness, but he’s actually genuinely curious abt the whole admirer thing. which i find hilarious bc he comes off as freakishly intimidating while confronting ppl😭 it’s bc he has somewhat of an rbf and is completely unaware of it૮꒰ ˶• ༝ •˶꒱ა ( hence the ‘lack of expression’ i mentioned in a previous chapter )

— TAGLIST : @ioveaether @otomegame-oneshots @ashyiiy @mafuyuslover @yuminako @waengyknow @sharkdays @tikitsune @jihoonotes @gallantys @keiiqq @mochibaby123 @lambcandle @ell1e2010

[mossstep]

More sagau (self aware genshin au) headcanons(plus a little bit of writing) These ones are a bit more focused instead of general.

Ghost!reader sagau headcanons

As always: I am a minor, don’t be weird with my posts!

Note: these posts are made with the intention of lightening up the sagau tag, also, if you’re interested in me writing an entire story using my headcanons just ask and I’ll be happy to!

Tw/cw: sagau, swearing, references to the 4.2 archon quest (not 100% sure if this is needed)

Arriving in teyvat

Waking up in teyvat was certainly not on your bingo card for this year. You had only been playing genshin seriously for about a year or so. You had played before that, but had gotten bored after the Monstadt archon quest, because of the steep ar requirements for the Liyue archon quest.

So waking up in Liyue, specifically wuwang hill was, jarring to say the least. You had recognized the area immediately. You had basically lived in the crimson witch domain farming for your Hu Tao. Not that you had Hu Tao yet, having lost your 50/50 on each of her reruns. (Seriously! Talk about bad luck!)

As you get up you notice a vague feeling weightlessness, looking down, you noticed that you were partially see-through? What?

-

So the creator would probably meet Hu Tao first, as she likes the hang around wuwang (I don’t know her lore to correct me if I’m wrong) and Hu Tao would almost immediately recognize the reader as the creator due to their “golden aura.” Despite this, she’d treat you as your average ghost

-

The creator’s appearance would be like the ghosts seen in a game. But instead of that blueish-white color outline, the creator’s would be golden.

-

The creator’s ability to interact with things would be limited, only being able to slightly nudge or push things. They wouldn’t be able to pick anything up, or eat anything.

Despite this, they’re able to be seen/talk to vision holders and other elemental beings. While regular humans would only be able to sense them.

Also, the creator can possess shit, because ghost!

-

It’s likely that Zhongli, after catching wind of the creator’s arrival in not only teyvat, but also Liyue, would try to meet with them.

I can see the geo archon getting in contact with Ei or Neuvillette about making a mechanical puppet/body for the creator, since they were very limited in what they could do.

-

In their ghost form the creator would likely be able to take advantage of laylines/teleport waypoints/statues of the seven/etc. to travel around teyvat, which is how they meet with their favorite characters, wether or not they know about the creator’s arrival

Creator: hi tighnari :3

Tighnari: ARCHONS WHERE DID YOU COME FROM!?

Creator: secret :3

Alternatively

Creator: Hi Kaveh

Kaveh: OH SHIT A GHOST (unaware they’re the creator)

-

The creator would probably spend a whole 6 months or longer in teyvat without a body, because the people of teyvat would make sure only the best body is given to them.

If the people of Fontaine make a body for the creator they’d probably have the the fortress of meropide temporarily stop production on gardemeks to put all their energy in making the perfect mechanical body for the creator of teyvat.

If Ei instead uses the technique she used to create the shogun and scaramouche she’d source only the highest quality materials, then spend ages meticulously working on every little detail to make sure it’s perfect

No matter how much you say you don’t care about it being perfect, the people of teyvat would consider it blasphemy to give anything less than the best for their creator.

[lilyandthegenshinbrainrot]

So the funniest thing about "Venti" and "Zhongli" meeting was how Zhongli kept trying to praise and give recognition to Venti for his wit or his work, but Venti brushed it off and gave backhanded compliments. Venti continuously talks about how he clearly doesn't know Zhongli or anything about him, so his comments about the man are based in rumors alone.

But also, he's totally aware of all he is stirring up, and his poem clearly reflects that.

It stresses both Xiao and the Traveler out because neither God is saying quite what they really mean and all the subtext between their conversation is lost on them. Xiao comments that when the adepti would meet in the past, there was no question what anyone meant, but tonight he was struggling and it was disheartening to him.

I think Zhongli was trying to express that he didn't know how to talk to or face Barbatos, as he did by "ignoring the sound of the wind," and claiming that "it was difficult to tell where anyone was during Lantern Rite", but he kept calling Venti "new friend," and "esteemed bard", and most tellingly, amiable.

Friendly.

Venti does not acknowledge the title of being a new friend, and to further distance himself, calls Zhongli by "Mr. Zhongli," implying a formal distance!! All the while denying any knowledge or connection that they might have had before.

He then easily interacts with Hu Tao, and befriends her instantaneously!! He talks about meeting with Xiao and playing for him, talking with him on an extremely casual and easy way. Which is notable bc of Xiao's solitary. He even talks about being acquainted with Xingqiu, and how they grew close at a festival over shared love for literature.

And then, most obvious of all, Zhongli was going to listen to Hu Tao's desire to accompany Traveler, Xiao, and Venti home but Venti immediately refused Mr. ZHONGI and said he was going to meet a FRIEND. But if the Traveler wants to come find him, he's quite sure they know where he will be. And Venti leaves them.

Isn't that just a slap in the face? That was such a clear dismissal of Zhongli and it was brutal. Zhongli then says neither Traveler or Xiao needs his protection, and he will be walking alone before meeting with the director again.

I don't think this was the interaction anyone was really quite expecting with these two, and I also don't think this was Venti telling Zhongli that he wanted nothing to do with his friendship. I think Venti is a little shit who is rightfully upset with an old friend, and he wants Zhongli to acknowledge that by killing Morax, Barbatos has no ties to Zhongli.

Where they will be going forward? Who's to say?

The wind stops for nothing, and the stone is firm in its foundation.

[h0ney-mochi]

Scaramouche x reader (readers pronouns not mentioned) ;; not fatui , school ? au or something

SUGGESTIVE CONTENT (making out, swearing (ofc), sub scaramouche, handjob start)

Summary: y'all play spin the bottle, the 2 people go in a closet (7 minutes in heaven), while others wait they play truth or dare. Hu tao is implied to be your best friend.

A/n: unfinished handjob scenario basically, might continue it some day

Minor writer, dni if uncomfortable!

The bottle spun. Considering Hu Tao's tricks and ideas of you and a certain indigo someone, she made the bottle land on you and Scaramouche. You knew it was Hu Tao's doing, there was a little chance of this happening, but hey. You looked at him, Scara stared back, glaring at you.

"Alright, come on, get in the closet and we'll start counting!" Hu Tao spoke in a cheery voice, taking a sip of her soda. He didn't move. You got up and took him by his collar, pulling him up on his feet. "I'm not going in that fucking closet with you-" he protested when you let him go. "Idiot, we're gonna stand in the dark, let's get this over with," you roll your eyes at him, speed walking to the closet. He followed. Once you two stepped in, Tartaglia closed the door and went back to the circle to play truth or dare while waiting. The 7 minutes started.

The closet was a little too cramped. You stared at him, Scara stared back. It was awkward and quiet. "Why did you not want to be in the closet with me?" You ask, raising an eyebrow. He doesn't respond. He just scoffs and looks away. Your hand goes to grip his jaw, turning his head back. "I asked you a question," you whisper. "I have my reasons, stupid, one of them being that I simply don't want to see you," he responds, going to take your hand away, but your other one stops him. "But it's literally just standing in a closet. It's the duo's idea if they want to do something, no?" You say. You notice how he doesn't try pushing you away. "Psh, yeah and what? Who knows what weird shit would you pull?" Scara replies, his eyes avoiding yours. "I wouldn't do anything without the other persons notice," you say, taking away your hand from his jaw. He immediately grabs your hand and puts it back where it was.

You stared at him, eyebrows raised high, eyes wide at him. There was a moment of silence before you spoke up. "What's this now? And you said I would pull something on you?" You blink at him. Scara looked at you when he realized what he is doing. He couldn't have you see how desperate he was for your touch now, did he? So he pushed your hand away. "Fuck off," he grunts, rolling his eyes, feeling his cheeks heat up. You chuckled before putting a hand around his throat, pushing him back against the closet wall. You tightened your grip a little and Scara gasped. Silence.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" You whisper against his ear, feeling his heartbeat quicken against your hand. "You're delusional," he responds, licking his lips quickly. You smiled and he tensed up, feeling your breath on his skin. "Stop," he mumbled out, feeling more hot when you pulled away. You were about to take your hand away from his throat, but his hand shot up, stopping you. His eyes were looking anywhere, but you. "I didn't- Not that, dumbass, I meant stop teasing me," he hated how he sounded nervous. How he could feel his pants get tight, how your eyes never left his, waiting for him to look back. You smirk, "stop teasing you? Hold on.. you want me to continue?" He felt his face burning. Scara slowly looked into your eyes, "yes. Yes I do."

That was it. You pressed your lips against his and he immediately kissed you back. His hands went around you, pulling you closer. You pulled away, "put your hands up." "Why?" He whined out. You stared. He stared. "Fuck you're hot. Just because I said so, come on. I'm not letting you touch me." You responded and he did that with a sigh, taking his hands away from you. You went back to kiss him, while your other hand slid down his chest, slowly down his stomach and.. He moaned in your mouth when your hand went over his tight pants. You smirked, pulling away an inch. "You want me to touch you?" You whispered. He nodded, "I- I don't know how much time we have." "Don't worry," you took your hand away from his throat, "I'll make it quick."

He shuddered when you pressed your lips against his neck while your hand went into his pants. A surprised groan came through as his head fell back. You sucked on his skin while your hand started jerking his dick. He bit his lips, but couldn't hide the moans. You came up from his neck to kiss him, shut him up.

[nqmonarch]

Hanahaki Disease

Hanahaki disease is where when one person has an unrequited love flowers grow inside their lungs and they begin to cough them up. In some versions flowers also start growing on their body. Eventually they die, unless if their love becomes requited, they go through surgery (which leaves them either emotionless or with no memory of the person they love, depends on the story), or (personally I'd say) if they fall out of love with the person.

As someone with self confidence issues (and some shit in the past) I can't really imagine people falling in love with me. So I'm always like damn if this is real and I got transmigrated I'd be dead in 5 seconds.

Characters: Raiden Shogun x Reader (onesided), Hu Tao x Reader, Baizhu, Traveller, Zhongli

Ever since the first time you'd seen her, she'd been a symbol of light, of beauty, of eternity. She was everything right in the world and you were simply made to follow her will. You enlisted in her army, followed her will stripping innocent souls of visions, yes, you felt guilt but... the Shogunate knew what was best. She had to. You'd seen her peerless genius, bared witness to her skills with the sword. She was terrifying and even more so beautiful.

It was by chance you met the traveler, someone on the run from the Shogunate and her army, someone you were supposed to capture at all costs. But you didn't. Instead you looked on with a quirked eyebrow as they tried hitting some electrocubes to make them all light up. They looked like an absolute idiot, you couldn't help but laugh. How could you kill someone like that? So you gave them a small hand to help them escape, thinking nothing of it. But they continued to make trouble. Until it finally happened, the Shogunate went back on her decree.

You felt relief, guilt, so many emotions flood you at the news. It appeared even the wisest could make mistakes. Then it happened. The traveler had spotted you while walking through the streets of Inazuma and invited you to join them on a walk. You obliged, willing to amuse the funny little blonde haired person. What you hadn't expected was for the Raiden Shogun herself to join you.

You were absolutely awestruck, her eyes looked even more alive up close, and the small awkwardness she showed at what normal people did was absolutely charming! Her love for sweet things was adorable, and you wished you could kiss her cheeks and lie on her lap as she sipped dango milk. You didn't say a thing when you were with her. Instead your eyes darted to her every few moments, with anticipation, and when they darted away a small blush normally graced the tip of your ears.

That was when it all went wrong. A day afterward you felt sick and couldn't contain your coughs. Your supervisor gave you the day off, telling you to rest and get better soon so you could return to fighting. You laid in bed, assuming that all of recent work you'd had to pick up was the cause of stress which lead to you being sick. But then with one particularly aggressive cough you felt as if a shock echoed through your body, and on the covers of your bed laid a strange looking flower.

It was light purple, soft to the touch, and shocked you slightly whenever you touched it. You'd wondered if you were hallucinating, it seemed beyond belief. But then it happened a day later and the frequency and quantity of these shocking flowers increased. They weren't even flowers. Amakumo fruit was their name, a rare plant that could only be found in Seirai island. Concerned, you visited doctor after doctor hoping to find a cure or reason that the plant was alive in your body. But you found nothing.

When the first stem began to grow out of the vein on your elbow you panicked. With anxiety and worry you sought out the traveler, they'd been to many places, perhaps they'd seen something like this? You had to get healed as soon as possible so that way you could return to serving her. So you could dedicate your life to her. Your heart throbbed painfully at the thought and you willed away any unsavory feelings. The Raiden Shogun was meant to be admired from a distance, feelings such as love and lust had no place for one of her soldiers. Not like you were on her level anyway.

The traveler perplexed at your condition suggested they bring you with them to Liyue where they knew of a skilled doctor named Baizhu; eager, to return to your life of servitude toward the one you love you followed them without a second thought.

The green haired man was peculiar, there was a white snake wrapped around his neck comfortably. But you could tell he knew what he was doing, from the minor touches to check your breathing and heart rate, to the line of patients outside his door he seemed like a professional. He was probably your best bet at this rate. He seemed confused as well and after the initial examination told you to come back tomorrow, where there'd be another one.

On your way out a short girl with long brown hair in two pony tails approached you, a friendly smile on her face. You would've had a positive impression of her if not for the card she handed you. Wangsheng Funeral Parlor...? 50% off your coffin if you order ahead of time?

You stared up at her with dead eyes and furrowed brows as she kept a welcoming smile on her face, "You won't find any other funeral services like it! Get 50% of your coffin if you order before you die!" Neither her voice nor wide eyes carried any malicious intent but--

"Is something wrong with you?" What the hell was with this girl? "Do I look like I'm dying?" Even if you were, that was still incredibly impolite of her.

"Well," She paused and leaned forward, elongating her neck and stretching her back to get a better look at you, "No glow, a bit ashy actually, straight posture but it's a bit stiff, not really healthy, and just exiting Bubu Pharmacy? You could be and I'm trying to poach customers from Baizhu."

Her nose crinkled ever so slightly as she continued voice slightly less upbeat, "Ugh, that guy..." Her voice was barely audible but either way her words made you upset.

You shoved the business card back in her hand, "Don't say such reckless things just because of some drama you have with him."

You felt a small shock in your ribcage, you didn't even flinch, you'd gotten used to such feelings. It made your body feel itchy and jumpy like every individual cell wanted to run out of your body and leave you with nothing. You let out a small cough, feeling the electricity jump up your throat leaving behind a small burning sensation, the smell of seared flesh faintly in your nose. A small petal landed in your hand but you were quick to close your hand around it.

You should leave before it got worse. Your expression wasn't pleasant, permanently furrowed eyebrows, and a scowl. You were stuck wasting your time trying to cure yourself so you could serve the Shogunate better. A shock of pain jolted through your body, nearly bringing you to your knees. It didn't. You were trained better than that. Yet here you were, looking like a fool, if the Shogunate could see you now she wouldn't let you serve a day in your life. You would always be classified as a disappointment to her.

Another jolt, even stronger, and with it came an onslaught of coughs. The girl from earlier looked on at you worriedly and approached again. You would've pushed her away if not for the continued assailants of pain, shock after shock, and cough after cough racking your body. You gripped onto your arms in a hope to stabilize yourself but found yourself kneeling on the floor, shaking, nails digging into your arms and drawing blood.

The girl was talking now, at the very least she seemed concerned, as concerned as someone that just offered you a deal on buying your own coffin could be. You couldn't hear what she was saying. Only the continued crackle of electricity. Why did it suddenly get worse? You didn't have time to ponder any questions as the pain overwhelmed you and the world went black.

Hanahaki disease. That's what Baizhu called it. The disease of unrequited love. You loved the Shogunate, something you never should've done, you reminded yourself. You'd voiced your thoughts once to the curious brown haired girl from the funeral parlor, Hu Tao.

She only looked at you quizzically, "You can't control love!" She objected, crossing her arms a smile still on her face, "Just live life to its fullest, enjoy it, and accept everything that comes over you!"

"Strong words from someone that isn't coughing up flowers brimming with electricity," You replied, but your words held no malice.

Baizhu couldn't find a way to cure it, his only hypothesis being that if the person you loved loved you back then it would end. As if the Raiden Shogun would ever love you in any way. You didn't want to show her this pathetic version of yourself, anyway. And where did that leave you? Surprisingly, at the funeral parlor.

Hu Tao had welcomed you with open arms, her employee, Zhongli was also fine with you staying. Of course, you didn't just free load you helped out, trying to do heavy labor where you could. You assumed you'd be the strongest because of your training but the sickness had taken it's toll on you, and vision users were freakishly strong. For such a small girl Hu Tao could lift, a lot.

She would often creep up behind you in an attempt to scare you, not that it had worked yet she was still trying to come up with a way to do so. You would scold her, and return to your work, which was often just basic maintenance of the funeral parlor now, dusting, cleaning, it was mundane but you didn't want to freeload. Then the three of you, Hu Tao, Zhongli, and yourself would eat dinner. Zhongli was normally quiet aside from a few sentences, those few sentences alone made you suspicious of him though. How could one person be so knowledgeable? Of course, once you saw his poor mora management all of your suspicions dropped.

Dinner mainly consisted of Hu Tao and yours banter. It was nice. You had to admit she was growing on you, in a different way to all of the Amakumo fruit. A few had begun to sprout out of your body now, you knew each day that passed you were lucky. Your coughs got worse and so did the electric shocks, it didn't help that your body was becoming more frail from lack of use.

Hu Tao kept you company though whether through asking you out for food, "Yo! Afternoon! Let's get lunch! Xiangling's got a new dish!" The dish ended up burning both Hu Tao and yours's tongues. Too spicy, apparently using the seeds of a Pyro Regisvine had that effect. Although, it was funny to see Hu Tao jump at the heat.

Then she would make you go to performances, "Yun Jin has a show today! I asked for some tickets, I'll introduce you to her too!" Hu Tao somehow knew everyone.

And as your friendship strengthened she read you poetry.

"You write poetry?" You were disbelieving at first, but she took no insult from your words instead placing her hands on her hips proudly.

She read some for you, the topics varying from the feeling of elation to death. The two of you knew you were dying soon. In a few days you were bedridden.

But you didn't want to leave so soon. It wasn't just about serving the Shogunate but the past few weeks, the dinners, the people you had met, the stories you had heard. You selfishly wanted more of that. You told Hu Tao you'd face your death honorably, that you would look toward the future, and wait for her to escort you to the afterlife. That you wouldn't fight death.

One night you cried though. You held her slender hands in yours, relishing in the warmth, and feeling guilt at each electric shock that went through your body and reached hers.

"I don't want to die," You confessed. "I feel like, only now, have I truly begun to live. Why is it that I barely had any time to enjoy this?" Your words were choked up and your shoulders hunched as you leaned toward her.

You looked into the usually lively amber eyes, which held a lighter star in them. They were the most beautiful thing you'd ever seen. "I wish I could spend more time with all of you. I wish I could spent more time with you," You spoke quietly.

You didn't wait for her to reply and instead removed her hands from hers, and placed your hands on her cheek. Your lips touched hers, hesitant, cautious, exploring unknown ground. You could've sworn you were in love with Hu Tao. But your body was already bound by the flowers of the Shogunate, you'd long ago taken your vow and it couldn't be revoked.

Hu Tao kissed back though, she moved slowly at first before reaching a hand out to hold onto the back of her head. You didn't want to open your eyes and see her expression. You could feel the tears running down your face, you could feel her parched wet lips on hers, and for a moment you didn't feel any of the pain, any of the shocks.

And as you were immersed in the kiss of the woman who moved your heart you didn't notice as the flowers fell off your body, and landed on the ground softly without a sound.

I did not mean to make this so long.

[runawaymun]

okay your QiQi and Hu Tao post is so real, her trying MULTIPLE TIMES to bury Qiqi is so??? Like. A young child dies in an accident of no fault of her own, and at the last second, an adeptus, an immortal powerful protector of the land, decides "this child deserves more than she got. She deserves to live." and revives her so that she can do that, but Hu Tao thinks she knows better? Like yeah your family has been running a funeral parlor for years but you're like 19 and you think you have the authority to overturn the judgement of low-level gods?? Please. Bless Baizhu's patience to keep rescuing Qiqi tbh I would have resorted to violence long ago.

Also, while Baizhu is not my Blorbo I am extremely glad to see a familiar face genshin-posting, I want to follow people on here for that but every time I go into the tags I take psychic damage :( I suppose I shall just have to do it myself but I'm a little intimidated lol

Me every time Hu Tao shows up and starts Some Shit:

I know it's supposed to be like silly goofy and her cluelessness is meant to be endearing, but it's just...not? She is so rude and careless and there comes a point when it is no longer pragmatism about death and steps over the line into "You're just an asshole". The fact that she leaves fliers FOR HER FUNERAL PARLOUR outside THE PHARMACY is just insane behavior. It's disrespectful to Baizhu and it's so fucking insensitive and disrespectful to literally everyone else. God bless Baizhu for insisting that he doesn't have a problem with Director Hu and for being the bigger person/the adult in this situation and so forgiving and patient like it could NOT be me.

Yeah she's nineteen and has trauma, but exactly exactly exactly Qiqi's story says the gods felt so bad that she died because of their conflict that they brought her back to life to right a wrong, and it's so fucking mean that Hu Tao insists that "Qiqi isn't alive" and "that's not any kind of life to live" and "let her be at peace" etc etc like that is not your fucking decision. That's up to Qiqi and Qiqi wants to live god damn you. LEAVE HER ALONE.

Also okay yeah she's 500 years old but that is a child with severe memory loss. Yes she's a jiangshi but she literally gets lost and stuck on her orders sometimes to the point that Baizhu needs to help her find her way home. Qiqi is just out there living her life and Hu Tao said "and I took that personally" LET HER VIBE. I hate that she made so many comments on Qiqi's stiff limbs (read: her fucking disability) that now Qiqi feels really uncomfortable if anyone other than Changsheng, Gaming, and Baizhu see her doing her stretches. I hate that despite Qiqi struggling to remember loved ones' names and faces and interactions with them, she remembers Hu Tao because of the trauma that Hu Tao inflicts on her every time she sees her. Qiqi is actively trying to improve her life with researching memory/brain exercises and doing her calisthenics every day etc etc and the pharmacy literally could not function as it does now without her. She has as much a right to be a member of Liyue's community as Hu Tao does -- and yeah like you said it is so insanely arrogant and hubristic of Hu Tao to assume that she knows better than the fucking minor gods of Liyue.

Literally Baizhu and Qiqi deserve justice and it's just insane to me that the implication is that neither of them decide to press charges on her even though they have to go to the fucking cops about this reoccurring incident. And presumably the cops always side with Baizhu and so like. Again does Hu Tao ever get consequences? Do they at least sanction or fine her??? IDK IDK it makes me so mad that this apparently has happened more than once and the idea of her running off with a child who has memory loss and may not remember who she is or where her home is, she just knows she's scared and that she might literally fucking get buried alive here, makes me physically ill.

anyway I know some people will be like "it's just a game. it's not real and it's not that deep" but I'm still going to hate a fictional character over it. She's an asshole and needs to fucking grow up. Idk maybe she does as she ages. I certainly hope so.

Also hi yes <3 <3 I am so glad you're enjoying the Genshin posting because I am going to be so annoying about it for a while!!! It's nice to find out that you're a fellow Genshin enjoyer. The fandom is uhhhhh crazy. So I feel you on that. I'm slowly collecting some nice people :) Thankfully the Baizhu fans are all pretty cool! I feel like characters like him just attract good energy <3

[trashcanwithsprinkles]

Oh my god SO. The new chapter. What was Zhongli thinking when Childe was all haha nooooo I don’t have a knife? When/if they spar would Childe clock mans is still not going all out? Also Ansjkdkdkdkd Zho gli smiling and being a little shit about the corners was delightful. Like yes technically speaking you could break two sides…. However >:3. Good luck breaking that! How Gay the ending was is just AAAAAAAA

childe: mr zhongli i don't have a knife on me 🤗 zhongli, thinking: (he's lying. are people not supposed to know he's a high rank in the fatui? hu tao said he was a fatui officer. are the fatui not a military force here? or do they just think childe is a low-ranking officer? ...is he even a harbinger equivalent here?) zhongli: oh ok. sure. use a sword then (keep your secrets)

[welcometoteyvat]

can i ask why you don't like xingyun? /gen not a shipper myself but i'm just curious since a lot of chongyun lovers love that ship, i've never seen anyone NOT like it

rant warning by the way, I accidentally got more and more annoyed writing this 😬

im gonna be honest the number one reason is because i see it everywhere

the first effect of this is that content depicting xingqiu and chongyun in a nonromantic manner get tagged as xing/yun, which is annoying to me. you can draw 2 characters together in a nonromantic manner and you don't have to tag the ship guys. it's real it's called being friends. the second effect is that there's never any content with chongyun and Other Characters. people are so hung up on him and xingqiu that chongyun almost never exists without xingqiu. like you might notice i have a tag for chongyun and hu tao (mostly platonic) stuff except that there are only 7-8 posts tagged with that, because although the "exorcist and girl who can see ghosts" dynamic would be so cool, nobody seems to think abt that bc almost everything with chongyun includes xingqiu. this also goes for chongyun and xiangling (who canonically makes him his cooling popsicles) and like random other characters whom he Could interact with and be friends with (ayaka and him is a crack friendship i talked about once, and ofc chongyun and xiao). i hate it. xingqiu got his mr worldwide arc with venti and albedo please depict chongyun alone with other friends (it literally doesn't even have to be romantic). of course, this might just be a separate problem that I'm conflating with the ship, but it annoys me. i'm not focusing on xingqiu's side because although fan content for like idk him and yun jin? him and hu tao? albedo? is also super rare, at least that stuff exists in canon.

the second reason is because xingqiu's prankster attitude towards chongyun annoys me

yeah i love my little shit son but idk, it's just annoying when people make him feed chongyun spicy food, play pranks on him that cost chongyun Something (losing face, wasted time, frustration) idk. i guess i don't like that his condition isn't taken seriously. i don't think it's bad to have friends who pull your leg but at least not in a malicious way? like iirc he's implied to have triggered chongyun's yang energy overflows at least a couple times, and it's like . why. why is it played for jokes the kid literally passes out. "(He) needs more practice. Especially… with eating spicy food, haha." bro please do not !! don't trigger his condition just for kicks! xingqiu's other pranks also annoy me, given that i hate being tricked, so some of this might be projection or smth idk, but like idk you can give him good suggestions for where to demon hunt instead of making up shit and then going after him to make up for any costs. it's just annoying i think chongyun gets annoyed but then later forgives him, as friends are, but i cannot imagine them getting together like this. unless it's toxic idk . if they're friends i can give a pass to the pranks and stuff but in a romantic relationship i don't think i could see this kind of dynamic being a good one

[silentmoths]

My turn to throw brainrot your way!! *yeet*

Now, at the end of the Lantern Rite Quest Hu Tao asks Zhongli to meet her at the Funeral Parlor later for something, right?

Imagine Hu Tao knows you have a gigantic crush on him and wants to be your personal wingman (you didn't ask and didn't have to ask... she just does it). You lead a small bookstore in Liyue that is always extremely busy during Lantern Rite. So, when Zhongli returns to the Funeral Parlor later he finds Hu Tao there, asking him to help you run your shop and carry some book crates for you.

Hu Tao was the one who had originally agreed to help you with stuff during Lantern Rite but being the cheeky woman she is, she sent your long-term crush to help instead. Try and concentrate on work now... hehe.

AJDKAHSFSAB but thats so on brand for hu tao I love it and I need some soft pining rn so EHEHE

Zhongli x Reader

its kinda fluffy, but really it's just fucking crack ig

You find yourself watching the fireworks from the terrace, beautiful and vibrant against the inky black sky.

You could have gone down to the harbour to watch them with everybody else, but you just didn't have the time...besides, you got a pretty good view from here anyway, why put yourself through the hassle of more people?

Once the last firework quietly fizzles out, you take yourself back inside to start cleanup. Things always got hectic in the bookstore during lantern rite, the bookhouse up the street had anything and everything, sure; but people had a tendency to flock here to buy out your stocks of adeptal stories.

Tales of the mighty, who aided Rex Lapis in his bid for a celestial seat, you always made sure to find out ahead of time of the theme, so you could stock extra stories on whatever adepti may be involved; but by the time the festivities come to a close, it looks like barbatos had thrown a hurricane through your poor shop.

Thankfully, Hu Tao, bless her eccentric soul, had offered to help with the new shipment of books that had arrived in the harbour, she was closer to the docks, and she knew you needed time to actually make the place not look like a disaster.

Speaking of, by the sound of the door sliding open, that must be her now.

You turn the corner, around a bookshelf to greet Hu Tao with a smile and another sincere thank you, when you step on a roll of paper towel, the roll slides and you and up on your ass with a dull thud and a loud groan.

"Are you alright?" a very distinctly not-Hu-Tao voice calls.

You try to shake the stars dancing in your vision as a gloved hand reaches out and you take it without much thought, being pulled to your feet; where you are met with- oh no.

Zhongli.

Immediately you feel your cheeks heat and your heartrate spike. What was he doing here? why was he so handsome? why did he smell so good?

Zhongli carefully reaches out to feel the back of your head, checking for any lumps as he repeats his question "Are you alright?"

"I-um...y-yeah I'm ok..." you finally manage to stammer out "Just a little tired I guess...it's been a busy few days.." "I can see that." The consultant chuckles, looking around the space. "Busy as ever in here I see."

"W-what brings you here anyway Mr. Zhongli?"

At first, he tilts his head, before a look of understanding graces his features.

"Ah, Director Hu has asked me to deliver these crates of books to you in her stead...I am assuming she did not inform you prior."

"No, No she did not." You sigh, cursing her silently. She knew, she absolutely knew about your stupid fucking crush on her consultant. "But thank you, I really appreciate iT-" As you finally balance out again properly and place your foot onto the ground, a sharp pain shoots up your leg, radiating from your ankle.

shit.

"Oh dear, seems that spill may have been worse than we thought." Zhongli mumbles, supporting you to a nearby chair and sitting you down, all while you just want to melt into the floor.

"I'm sure I'll be fine." You try to push "I have so much to do I cant just-"

Oh and now he was crouched by your injured ankle, gentle hands inspecting the swelling with such fierce concentration that your words die in your throat.

"The swelling is only minor, but best you take a rest." He murmurs, gently setting your leg up onto the nearby coffee table. "You've worked hard these last few days, it's time for a break."

He doesn't let you get up, insisitng that he can take care of the rest. Ignores your panicked squawking that no, this was too much for him and that you couldn't put him in such a positon after he'd already helped with delivering the new stock.

He ignores you, and you get to watch as he shucks off his long coat, folds it neatly, and gets to work.

It really should be illegal to be that handsome.

you would need to find the heaviest book in your store

and throw it bodily at Hu Tao.

[kiichxko]

UNLOCK IT!

Bllk boys playing genshin!

Warnings: some quest spoilers for genshin

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

ISAGI YOICHI (潔 世一)

He's the very rare traveler main! Specifically aether

Mainly uses electro or dendro aether for the elemental reactions

He doesn't understand why people don't use traveler a lot, he thinks being able to switch elements at will is very useful and versatile

SUCKS at dodging, he literally depends on his zhongli's shield to keep him alive

Speaking of zhongli, he lost his 50/50 to keqing on his banner, homeboy later spent hours grinding for primos, he deadass refuses to whale at all

He also might have sacrificed keqing at qingyun peak multiple times

Luckily, the peepaw came home after 30 more pulls

He's pretty netural when it comes to co-op, so long as you don't take his materials without permission (bachira is an exception)

He LOVES the new TCG event, he's got all the character cards and won nearly every single match in a span of a week

He also does co-op challenges with the others, they range from waverider races to stuff like "who dies first while fighting _____" competitions or "beat azdaha without a shield or healing" challenge

Bachira came up with the last one specifically for him

Low key hates fighting the cryo cube, the fruits you gotta hit to break the shield are a pain in the ass (i'm not self-projecting here i swear)

BACHIRA MEGURU (蜂楽 廻)

A hutao and yoimiya main!

He enjoys looking at yoimiya's idle animations and spams her normal attacks just so he could see her do those little flips

Probably learned hu tao's dance and song by heart so every now and then while playing he'll go:

“大丘丘病了，二丘丘瞧～”

“三丘丘采药，四丘丘熬～”

He plays in CN dub but with JP subtitles

Still messes up a little on the pinyin pronouncination but he's trying

He also relates to hu tao since they were both considered weirdos by everyone (bachira's hu tao kinnie era guys)

Has considered cosplaying a character before

Loves exploring! Has every area at 100% exploration rate and all statues at level 10 somehow??

Always forgets that he's a pyro main and that grass exists so he basically almost dies standing on burning grass (can someone please get him a healer or a shield.)

Trolls other people in co-op by doing shit like the "disco disco party party" thing or using jean to yeet people

But other than that, he's actually very helpful with exploring and finding chests

Also steals materials from isagi

Sometimes forgets how to glide and ends up dying from fall damage (me too bachira me too)

CHIGIRI HYOMA (千切 豹馬)

Ningguang main chigiri ningguang main chigiri ningguang main chigiri-

He first got her on the beginner's banner she's been on his team ever since, definitely has her c6

You can't tell me that he wouldn't decorate his teapot bc he WOULD

And it's decorated so nicely too, he's even got a whole area dedicated to the animals he caught

Started playing after bachira said the landscapes were pretty but then he got invested into the lore (he watches those genshin theory videos too)

Enjoys taking photos of the landscapes and his characters, he once accidentally clicked on his diluc's skill while taking a photo and proceeded to laugh at how cursed it looked

Doesn't like solving the puzzles in inazuma and enkanomiya tho so he just google searches the solutions

Randomly makes cracked theories about khaen'riah, it happens so often no one can tell if he's being serious or not

Absolutely hates paimon's voice, he'll throw off his headphones whenever paimon starts talking and go "stfu paimon" like calm down

HATES the spectors with all his heart

He also likes collecting items in the open world, has over 2k of each of them

Might have spent a bit of money on welkin but that's as far as he'll go

Idk why but he strikes me as the type to mainly use bow or catalyst users bc of the range

Is very good at aiming and dodging, has laughed at isagi struggling while they were fighting azdaha

KUNIGAMI RENSUKE (國神 錬介)

The man somehow got a qiqi on the beginner's banner, he read her backstory, felt bad, and decided to main her

And no, his qiqi is not a healer or support, she's a full blown physical DPS

And her build is no joke either, he once made her do 200k damage while fighting the new scaramouche boss like kunigami wtf are you feeding her??

If there's a boss you can't beat, just call him to co-op and his zombie child will carry

Is another lore invester

Chigiri once sent him a video explaining enkanomiya lore and they later spent hours discussing about it

Got emotional at the tsurumi island and kazari quest, maybe at the dainsleif chasm quest too

Also levels up all his character's friendship to 10 to get their name cards

Has read all of his character's stories out of boredom

Completed ALL of his world quests, doesn't skip the dialogue in case he misses something important

Does hangout quests, beidou was his favourite one

Can never see hilichurls the same anymore after the chasm archon quest, all this time he's been killing cursed, innocent people? He feels so guilty

His luck when it comes to the gacha is literally phenomenal, the guy has never lost a 50/50 in his life

He's very skilled at controling his waverider and comes out at the top during waverider races

He's also good in fishing too, he manages to always stay within the moving bar

He plays spiral abyss often and would have 36 stars if it weren't for the last few floors being such a pain in the ass

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